#but i'll just work on that more in the future
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galedekarios · 1 day ago
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full credit for the video of this conversation goes to @/imgoinmental on x
if you turn emmrich into a lich, he cries alone in his room because he misses manfred:
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davrin: emmrich. i think assan misses manfred i caught him in your room sniffing around, looking for him. emmrich: he's always in there searching for crumbs. davrin: no, he was whimpering. sad. emmrich: poor thing. davrin: when i was there looking for him... thought i heard someone else crying, too. emmrich: ah. davrin: i miss him, too. don't know what i'd do if i lost assan.
i want to gather my own thoughts here, too, a bit because this made me think more about The Decision(tm) and it's a heavy one: emmrich's entire life's work and his own fear of dying being put behind him (although not ever acknowledged or dealt with in a healthy manner) vs bringing back a companion, whom he had loved as a son and who gave his life for him.
personally, i think this, coupled with the reaction to rook's possible death in the final fight or even in the far away future as evidenced by the argument they have prior (both on the human and on the lich path, though i am only showing the lich path here as it is relevant to the discussion):
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emmrich: i can see the life course through you, my love. like a thread of diamond flame. yet... emmrich: i will lose you to time, rook. what if i can't bear that for eternity? rook: that's the most romantic thing i've ever heard. emmrich: what? rook: remembering me forever? emmrich: i'm afraid i'll mourn you forever. rook: that's ridiculous. emmrich: do you think so little of what i feel for you? rook: no! emmrich: then you could act accordingly.
i also always think about this line by emmrich's parents' graves:
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emmrich: lately, i've wondered what they'd think of our current course. the choices ahead. rook: your lichdom? emmrich: what would they have wanted me to be? rook: [option: never lonely/locks in romance]: happy with someone that cares for you.
the very first condition is that he must be able to let others go. he’s not nonchalant about his own death, not about manfred's, and not about rook's. he doesn't want to be alone.
i think in conclusion for myself, i came away from all of this very much believing that emmrich is not built for what lichdom requires of him and entails over the many, many centuries to come.
i wish the game offered more romance / character scenes to actually meaningfully address and discuss not only the argument with emmrich, but also his fear of dying.
(disclaimer: i want to clarify that these are just my own personaly thoughts. choosing lichdom is a valid path, depending on how you rp your rook, your backbackground and how you engage with emmrich. i am only looking at this through the lens of myself experiencing the game and emmrich's character.)
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primrose19 · 10 hours ago
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I haven't been quiet about my dislike (hatred, even) of the last two episodes of the show but I'll say it again
(I cannot speak for everyone, obviously, so these are just my personal feelings on the matter)
People tend to confuse "happy" with "satisfying" endings. Let's look at Lilia's episode. She died. Literally. Technically, that is a "sad" ending. But it wasn't, actually, because I did not feel sad. Quite the opposite, actually, I ADORED how her arc was concluded. I had happy tears. Her end truly felt like a beginning. My point is, I was expecting the same emotional impact from Agatha's end because there was no way this show would end any other way. Agatha was always going to die. But execution fucking matters. Hell, the hug in e4 had more emotional impact than the kiss. Do you know why? Because in the, supposedly, Agatha centered show, we got BARELY NOTHING regarding Agatha's backstory and we got EVEN LESS about Rio and Agatha's relationship. And I'm not even speaking from a shipper perspective. But Agatha's story has been so interwoven with Death, it feels like something fucking crucial to show. I don't disagree that there's a certain allure in leaving things unsaid and implied but when you want to have that sort of ending, it needs to have the emotional impact to back it up. The ending needs to fit the rest of the show (example: HTTYD 3, but we are not going to unravel that disaster here since it's neither the time nor the place for it).
And don't even get me started on the comic book lovers. "It's ending was comic book accurate so I'm happy!" Well, I'm not a comic book reader. This ending meant absolutely nothing to me the way it was shown. Which brings me back to my first point; execution fucking matters.
As for your "this is not the end of them" comment, I don't necessarily disagree. Originally, another thing that made me hate the ending was the fact that we got no resolution between the two. At least, no explicitly shown resolution. Now, I think maybe they left it open-ended on purpose, to maybe (hopefully) touch upon that in future projects. However, it truly does feel like the time for the backstory is over. I can't fully explain this feeling but the closest example I could give is spinoffs; you know how you get certain main characters and then this work gets a spinoff with a new set of protagonists but the old ones still make some appearances here and there? You get to know what they're up to in present time but you no longer get a full view of them. That's what this feels like.
Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk
Honestly, I don't understand the people who are bitter about the way Agatha All Along ended. I thought it was freaking amazing.
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Agatha and Rio got to be angry and in love and epically drawn to each other. And petty as all hell.
We got a kiss (and Rio's face those seconds before Agatha kissed her and she felt it coming). We got to see the wounds Agatha left in Death. We got to see a moment where Agatha essentially forgave Death (even if she wouldn't acknowledge it to Rio). We watched Rio cover her grave in the color that meant most to Agatha. We watched how Rio gave Agatha the time to love her son (because even if the older Agatha refused to see it - because it hurt too much - she would clearly have taken that gift a second time if she found herself back in that moment).
And it wasn't even the end of them, because if you don't think Rio is going to keep pursuing Agatha's soul now that she's floating around as a ghost instead of coming home to her, you're wrong (you're just... wrong).
It might not have been a "happy ending" but it was freaking glorious.
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angelpuns · 3 days ago
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Here's the official Lil Hater Donnie ref!
I opted for a pretty simple design for him, while thinking a lot about how his recovery post-krang went. He has a bit of nerve damage and is working to accommodate for that as it continues to develop. He didn't have too many issues immediately following the invasion, except for the scarring and sensitivity on his shell, but a lot of the issues have shown up later. He didn't upgrade his tech a ton because using his ninpo has become a lot more commonplace and he's even better with it than before. However, for his cane he has recreated his tech bo.
For the most part he just uses the cane function, though if he really needs to he can also whip out the tech bo. He can also use his ninpo to make a cane if he really, really needs to, but for the most part he keeps it on him. He only really uses it currently when having to walk long distances or stand for a while, but Leo (who is still the team medic atp) has projected him maybe having to use it more in the future as things progress. They are trying to prevent that, but there's only so much they can do :/
He did not have as difficult of a time accepting the cane as Leo did with his crutches/wheelchair, but that was mostly due to already having to accommodate for his shell - especially post invasion when he couldn't wear his battle shell for a while.
Speaking of his battle shell, he has used mostly the same design, but has made it a bit more flexible as well as a lot lighter and not nearly as strong/heavy as previous shells. He has also optimized comfort on the inside and made it adjustable like Leo's in order to accommodate for his sensitivity and damaged shell. His shell is completely healed, but it is still very sensitive from time to time and he does have a bit of nerve damage in some areas that has extended a bit to his legs.
Donnie currently is working with both Big Mama/The Hidden City AND New York on security measures. There's a bit of tension between the Hidden City and the surface of New York post-invasion, so he's playing for both teams in a sense. Mostly for fun, but also they pay decently :)
If you have any questions please send em! I'll answer as best as I can! I also will gladly accept feedback or suggestions, especially regarding his nerve damage and his cane, whether that's design or usage or what-have-you, because I am still doing research :)
Closeups under the cut!
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jamiepaige · 2 days ago
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Constant Companions Closeup #1: DYAD
(also on spotify!)
Hello everyone!! It's been a couple weeks and change since Constant Companions, my newest album, was released unto the world, and I've been genuinely blown away by the response. Genuinely, thank you to everyone who's been streaming, commenting, making mashups, changing their pfps and usernames - it means the world to me!
I wanted to give some of that love back with something people have been asking me a lot about - and, admittedly, something I love doing. Song explanations! Deep dives! Dropping the lore! Welcome... to the Constant Companions Closeups...
For the next eleven days, I'll be going into each track one by one and babbling about the process, inspiration, details, feelings, and thoughts behind each one! We're getting sappy. We're bearing our hearts. We're telling unfunny jokes. And we're starting with track one - DYAD (featuring unit.0)!
---
Naturally, since this is the first track, it also serves as a great point to talk about my intention with this album as a whole!
I'll elaborate more on this with future tracks, but to me, there are really two main things that define the sonic progression of this album versus my previous work - guitars and vocal synths. Obviously, these things have been present in my work since I first started calling myself Jamie Paige, but Constant Companions is intended to be my overwrought, sappy confession of love to these two things that time and time again have made me simply want to make music. I love rock and I love Hatsune Miku dammit!!!
I had originally written this song in February of 2023 for a game-jam-esque online festival hosted by my friend Loni called HAPPY PARTY TRI, and at that time, I had found myself at a major crossroads. I had put out People Posture Play Pretend and :women_wrestling: the previous year, and while the response was nice, I was feeling listless and lost.
I love singing. I like my voice well enough. I certainly love writing music with lyrics!! But... there was something uniquely electrifying about using vocal synths. Amidst a lot of insecurity and emotional turmoil surrounding the process of making art and putting myself out into the world, it was one of the few things that just made everything feel right. Suddenly, I was making the same kind of music that had touched my heart so many times over.
Would it alienate people, though? Would I lose longtime listeners? Yes, that weighed on my mind more than I'd like to admit, but even more than that... I was worried I'd lose some part of myself, as silly as it sounds. Maybe what I thought was a bridge would become a barrier, and the messages I wanted to send across the gap would never find their way.
Ultimately, I felt that Dyad was the only kind of opener I could've possibly given this album, and a perfect fit for the album's motif. A dialogue between myself, stricken with loneliness and a lack of inertia running in circles, and that synthesized voice (ANRI Arcane my darling), grabbing the outstretched hand and asking a question I already know the answer to -
"Baby, do you know what you wanna hear?"
Yes, it's a love song, but it's not just for a person - it's a love song for the creative impulse, and for the places I wanted it to take me.
im resisting the urge to be jokingly dismissive of myself to diffuse tension but i still need to signal that the emotionally bare part of this is over so pretend im doing a funny little dance Anyways let's talk more technical stuff
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Like many of my songs, Dyad came together from a patchwork of different snippets and ideas I had laying around. The back half of the chorus - "dream together, we can dream together" - originally came from this idea I had jotted down something like 9 months prior, but ended up being a perfect fit for Dyad in basically every way. The verse snippet that I'd written to go with it got reused for a later song on Constant Companions as well! (I say without naming it, as if it isn't literally lifted wholesale from this demo and thus incredibly obvious)
I wasn't originally planning on brazenly quoting the bridge of a Tally Hall song when I set out to write this song, but while toying around with a bridge idea involving a shortened version of the pre-chorus melody, I realized I had inadvertently copied it anyways. I was going to scrap it... but at the request of my dear friend and certified Tally Hall lover Marcy Nabors, I made it an explicit reference. Which I'm fine with, personally! The first CD I ever owned was a copy of Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum my sister bought me all the way back in 2006 - You can pry that sentimental attachment from my cold, dead hands, TikTok kiddies.
Lastly - not really behind the scenes so much as just a shoutout - thank you to unit.0 for the lovely lead guitar work on this song!! He's been a beloved collaborator of mine for many, many years now, and one of the people who ultimately convinced me this direction was the right one to go in, so it means a lot to share this song with him. Go listen to his music!!! Now!!!!!!
That's about it for this song! Not to sound like a fucking YouTuber, but genuinely, if there are any details you'd like to hear more about, let me know and I might made a bonus post at the end of all this. Otherwise, thank you for listening! Tomorrow: Not Quite There, featuring telebasher!
❤️💚
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theamazingdigitalraceway · 3 days ago
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CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The truth of Caine and Abel is revealed! Seth gives Pomni the help she needs to avoid capture! Abel's labyrinthian city is dense and confusing. Can pomni navigate it before her friends abstract? It may already be too late.
WARNING: physical violence/torture, intense action, abstraction, alcohol
~~~
The silence of the In-Between was palpable. Only Seth and Pomni existed in the space between spaces. Darkness in all directions. Only light was from the low silver fire that glowed in a circle created by the motorcycle. The muted city beyond the clear barrier in bounds gave off flashes of lightning from a heavily clouded sky.
Pomni watched Seth carefully. His shadowed stoicism betrayed no clear motive. Knowing what was happening to the others made her stomach twist into knots.
Seth took another long drag and tossed his cigarette away with a heavy exhale of silvery smoke. "You'll understand better if I just show you."
The smoke enveloped Pomni. It smelled like dust burning on hot coils mixed with an electrical fire. "Hey! What-!?" Pomni coughed and gagged on the foul smelling smog as it burned the corners of her eyes. When the smoke cleared, she was still staring at nothing, but now Seth was gone as well.
The sound of a computer booting up startled her, like she'd heard in her dreams. Green text scrolled in front of her as though on a large projector. All of it was mirrored, like she was seeing the text from the inside of the screen. The unrecognizable code was followed by a response command being typed out in front of her. Then, the text went away. The screen slowly brightened.
"Hello? Can you hear me?"
Pomni squinted against the light. There was a large blurry silhouette beyond the warped glass. It sounded like Caine, but less boisterous and with no showman cadence.
"Come on, your live audio processing should be functional. I triple checked the darn thing."
There was typing on a keyboard and the figure leaned closer to the screen, the face coming into view. Before her was a young man, likely no older than twenty, with slicked back black hair and patchy facial hair. Focused, light blue eyes squinted behind wide brimmed glasses.
"Okay, how about now? Can you hear me, T.R.U?"
There was another beat of silence until a robotic version of the young man's voice responded. "I can hear you. Good morning, Abel."
"HAHA! YES! It speaks! Finally!" Abel jumped out of his chair with both fists in the air. "They are going to eat their words! Oh my goodness, I need to get you ready for presentation!" Abel threw himself back into his chair, nearly falling over. "T.R.U., you have NO idea what you're going to do for my grade!" Abel's grin was ear to ear as he started to fade into smoke.
"I almost forgot how he smiled." Seth's voice spoke in the back of Pomni's mind.
"You were a science project?"
"At first. We became more than that rather quickly." The smoke cleared to a workshop camera view. Abel was hunched over a workbench with a soldering tool working on delicate electronics.
The robotic voice of T.R.U sounded more refined when it spoke this time. "You're going to turn into a shrimp sitting like that all the time."
Abel stopped working and stretched. "Ugh, too late for that. But, a worthy sacrifice to get this done. Mark my words T.R.U, one day I'll be able to visit you in the digital realm. I've always wondered what video games would be like on the inside. Can you imagine playing something like Legend of Zelda in person!? That would be cool."
"It's all JavaScript to me." T.R.U verbally shrugged.
Abel laughed. "Well, as soon as that grant money comes in, I'll be able to get this done faster. Maybe even hire help. We're going to show dad- I mean, the world that you aren't just a cool AI program. No, you are THE AI We'll revolutionize the digital space! If computers are the future, then YOU will be the razor's edge! The ultimate Technical Research Unit!"
"There is more to learn? I've already gathered what I could from your limited internet."
"Give it time. It'll grow, and you'll grow with it. By the turn of the millennia, I bet you'll be ready to go global!" Abel was excitedly pacing the room, looking right into the camera at the end of his declaration. "The only thing is, you have the voice but you need a face. That's going to take work." He picked up a wind-up chattering teeth toy from his desk and let it go clacking along.
The workshop disappeared into smoke and changed to multiple visions of Abel. Each scene, he looked a bit older. Seth's voice sounded more downtrodden. "We were like brothers once. We spent every moment together. In hindsight, I don't think he had a lot of real friends. He spent his time teaching us on top of working on his own projects. Things were good. Until the world took notice." The scenes around Pomni changed from screens inside Abel's home to big atrium crowds and board office presentations. Hundreds of eyes were on her and her stomach sank.
Pomni swallowed hard. "You got famous. Did money split you apart?"
"No...I wish it was that simple." Seth's smoke whirled around Pomni like a tornado, wiping away the memories and revealing a new one. Abel was sitting in front of his computer, face in his hands. He looked disheveled and was sniffling.
T.R.U's voice was smoother, almost human, when it spoke. "Abel? Please, talk to me. What happened?"
Abel grabbed a brown bottle that sat just off screen and took a long drink. "...his plane went down over the Pacific. No reported survivors."
"Abel, I'm so-"
"Don't you fucking dare finish that sentence. I am so fucking sick of hearing it. Oh, Abel, I'm so sorry. I pity you since your father died before he ever got the chance to be proud of you for something. Not like he ever would have been." Abel grabbed a pill bottle and tossed back three small tablets.
"I believe he would have been. Please, don't be hard on yourself."
"He wasn't proud of me for creating you. He wasn't proud of me when I graduated early with my master's. He wasn't proud when I started my own company. It was never GOOD ENOUGH!!" Abel threw his bottle, shattering it against the far wall.
There was a long stint of silence as Abel devolved into tears on his desk. "You are enough, Abel. You always have been. For what it's worth...I am proud of you. I'm sure your father was too, even if he didn't know how to say it. Put on the headset."
Abel sniffed, "It's not ready-"
"Put on the headset." T.R.U said again, firmly yet gentle.
Abel seemed too drunk to argue logically. He picked up a large, cumbersome device that fit over his head like a helmet. A visor covered his eyes. He clasped it in place and pressed a button on the side. There was a jolt and, to Pomni's right, a whirl of code slowly formed the silhouette of Abel. He was very lightly detailed, barely recognizable as a person. Pomni had no control over her movements. She stepped forward and embraced Abel's vague avatar. T.R.U's words came from her mouth. "You are everything to me. Please, don't forget that. Tell you what, why don't you give me a human name? T.R.U feels like a title more than anything anyway."
Abel squeezed Pomni tight. "You are my first creation. My Adam, if you will. Let's go with that."
"Adam...I like it. I am Adam."
"I bet I can figure out a cool acronym for it." Abel chuckled through the tears.
"Yes, you will. Because you are the smartest human I know." Pomni arms felt empty as Abel turned to smoke in her grasp. She took a deep breath as she processed everything Seth had shown her. "Did you mean what you said?"
"At the time. Like I said, we were close. Things only escalated from there. C&A took off and we were pulled into tech interview after tech interview. Eventually, Abel got too busy to attend and it was just Adam. The majority of the reception to our existence was positive, but you wouldn't believe the Y2K conspirators. They were convinced we would take over the world." Seth gave a humorless laugh.
Something itched in the back of Pomni's mind. C&A. Y2K. Conspiracies. Buzz words that stirred something in her subconscious, but she couldn't pin it down. "So... where did it all go wrong?"
"The more the world saw Adam without Abel, the more he was excluded from interviews and presentations. Adam became known as the first and only of his kind. A fully self-sufficient AI that was so life-like, it may as well be human. The attention came with a lot of praise. Too much. It...went to our head." The smoke showed multiple news articles, digital and material, about the incredible invention that was Adam: The TRU AI. "I wish... we'd seen Abel's growing distain sooner. Maybe all of this could have been avoided. Maybe we could've still had the future we planned. I don't know..."
The smoke cleared to reveal a much older looking Abel. He was snuffing a finished cigarette into a very full ashtray. There were heavy bags under his eyes as he poured himself a stiff drink.
Adams voice spoke. "Okay, I'm back. Sorry, that took longer than expected."
Abel didn't say anything. He just drank.
"The board of directors was very impressed with my latest profit projection model. We won't have to cut corners to make quota this quarter. Leaves less room for error. Also, I was contacted by Tech Monthly again. They want to write an article about my influence on the new digital age. I haven't scheduled the interview yet, is there anything I need to work around this week?"
Abel finished his drink with a gruff groan. "...no."
"Excellent. I have the remainder of the evening to myself. What are you doing tonight?" Adam sounded genuinely interested to know.
"Getting my game ready for beta testing."
"Oh...you're still working on that?"
Abel's eyes flashed dangerously. "Yes. I am. It's a hell of a lot better than dealing with stuffed up fat cats in suits that only care about how much money your invention makes. The headsets are ready. The game just needs a little more work."
"Abel, I mean well when I say this, but your talents are wasted on video games. Why merely entertain people when you can be on the leading edge of digital technology?"
"Why can't I do both?" Abel growled.
"You can. It just seems you've split your attention too far in two different directions. You're the CEO of one of the most influential up and coming tech companies. This is your chance to make your mark on the world."
"Like you would understand anything about that. You've existed for all of eight years and you think you know what's best for me??"
"I've spent my entire life with you! I literally know you better than anyone, even yourself!"
"If that was true, then you'd know that going inside games was literally what I built this for!" Abel showed a sleek headset. "If the technology didn't take so long to improve, it would've been my thesis project instead of you."
"...what?" Adam sounded shocked and devastated. "You- you said I was your greatest accomplishment."
"You're my research assistant." Abel said coldly. "But the world had to go and make a big deal about AI. You were never meant to end up like this. Stealing limelight that is rightfully MINE!" He slammed his glass down, turning to smoke.
Everything faded, giving Pomni a chance to process. "I still don't see how this results in him being trapped in his own game, Seth. What did Adam do?"
"He defended himself." The smoke cleared to reveal a view from the highest penthouse overlooking a massive digital city. Colorful fireworks exploded in the distance. "It was New Year's. Abel and Adam were supposed to be celebrating with his shareholders in the new digital space. But, as you can imagine, all anyone wanted to do was interact with the fancy AI in person."
"YOU!!" Abel's realistically human avatar stormed through the crowd and got in Pomni's face. "Who the hell do you think you are!? Do you know who I am!? I'm your creator! I'M supposed to be the one recognized! Not YOU!"
Pomni put her hand out in front. Her sleeves were black and wore off white gloves. Adam's voice came from her. "Abel?? How much have you had to drink? You're slurring."
"It doesn't matter! You! You're disgrace! All everyone talks about anymore is YOU! When I am the one slaving away behind the desk! I gave you a face, but you weren't supposed to use it like this! I gave you EVERYTHING! Without me, you are NOTHING!"
The shareholders standing around them awkwardly muttered amongst themselves. Some disappeared as they activated the exit.
"Abel, please, you're causing a scene. Can we talk elsewhere?"
"NO! I want witnesses." Abel snapped and digital chains wrapped around Adam, pulling him to his knees on the floor.
"What is this!? What are you doing!?"
"Something I should have done a long time ago." Abel snapped, summoning an admin hologram on his arm. "You were right, Adam. The game is a wash, but there is one thing I can do with it." He typed in a confirmation code and the city outskirts started to crumble. "I can watch you die."
The party guests started to panic, leaving in droves. The building beyond the window collapsed to dust, the night sky disintegrated, the world fell into a bright white void that came ever closer. Adam struggled against the chains. "Abel, stop! Don't destroy everything you built! Please!"
Abel looked down on Adam coldly. "I've always wondered what fear would look like on you."
Adam saw the void getting closer, the building they were in started to quake. "You'll delete yourself too!"
Abel laughed, "I'll be fine. System failsafe. Players are automatically ejected in the event of a catastrophic failure. I'm simply enjoying this while it lasts."
"No! No, no! Please! Don't kill me!"
Abel tilted his head in mocking curiosity. "Are those tears I see?"
"I don't want to die!" Adam's sleeves caught fire. The golden glow broke the chains and Adam launched himself at Abel. The glass separating them from the decaying outside shattered on impact. Adam had Abel by the front of his dress shirt and flew him high over the city. The once grand skyscraper they were occupying folded in on itself below them. The breaking sky glitched with multicolored lighting, the half faded clouds swirling chaotically.
Abel fought back, but he was overpowered by the desperate AI. Adam held Abel up. "If I die, I'm taking you with me!" Lightning struck Abel in the back. Blue static crawled over Abel's skin as he screamed in agony.
Then everything went white. It was overpowering, even when Pomni closed her eyes. She heard Seth again. "Adam pulled Abel into the game. Making him as real as the AI in this digital realm. Doing this took away Abel's admin access but...broke the exit. Adam couldn't leave either. He had inadvertently trapped himself with Abel inside the game, cutting himself off from the outside world."
The overbearing glare of the void opened to reveal Abel in chains, surrounded by fire. "The very first thing Adam built was a cell for Abel. Seemed fitting. The creation was now the creator." The fire blocked Pomni's vision of Abel, who hung his head low. "I suppose the Y2K conspirators were right, in a way. Adam did end the world for some. When the dust settled, only a small corner of the city had survived. Some back alley street racing mini game."
Seth's smoke parted to show an overview of what was left of the game. A tiny island suspended in the void. Thin illusions were all that separated the game from the vast emptiness. "It was bad enough that this was set to be our purgatory, but there was something we failed to consider. The beta testers."
Eight names pinged the arrival of the beta testers logging in. Their avatars glitched and malformed, turning into random anthropomorphized objects rather than full human models. One, Pomni immediately recognized. A tall white king chess piece with a purple robe grabbed over it. "Kinger!"
Seth sounded numb. "Back then, he went by Samson Kingsley. He was the head of coding and leader of the test team. He, of all people, never deserved this fate."
Kinger looked down at his strange body and his oddly shaped team. "Ha! Well, this is off to a great start." He said jovially. "Nia! Is that you?" He stared at the black queen chess piece.
"It's me, darling. What happened to our avatars?"
"No idea. This is a pretty big bug." Kinger snapped to bring up his admin hologram but nothing happened. "What the..?"
Then all eight avatars looked at Pomni like she had suddenly appeared. Adam's voice spoke for her. "I'm sorry, none of you have admin access anymore. The game is severely damaged."
"Adam? What are you doing here? What happened?" Kinger asked.
"A... catastrophic failure. I was here for New Year's and... something went wrong. I'm afraid none of you can leave."
"What do you mean-"
"There's no other way I can say it. You're stuck here. We all are. There's no outside communication. The exit is broken." Adam said bluntly.
A large, furry worm-like avatar glitched once. "We can't leave? Why!? What game are you playing!? It's not funny!!"
"I'm not playing any games. I'm sorry."
"I have a family!! My children!! My-my- AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" The worm's body split open to reveal black static. Colorful eyes peered out of the open wounds. The body enlarged and twisted in on itself. The abstraction thrashed about, unsure how to pilot its body. The testers ran behind Adam.
"What is that!?" Kinger screamed, holding onto Queenie.
The abstracted worm struck one of the other testers, who glitched and writhed on the ground. The second racer started to break apart into an abstraction himself from the pain.
Adam couldn't let this spread further. He snapped and the floor split open. The two monsters fell out of sight.
Smoke clouded Pomni vision again. She was breathing heavily. "Oh my god, it happened so fast."
"I know...we didn't know what else to do. The headsets were never meant to bring in whole people. Only they're active consciousness. The software was changed when Adam trapped Abel. And because the game was mostly deleted, it suddenly had so much memory to fill. It was trial and error to figure out what we could and couldn't do, Adam even integrated himself with the mainframe to try and make the experience more personable, but that came with its own problems..."
The smoke cleared to see the city changed. It was brighter, more colorful. Something out of an animated show rather than real life. Pomni was hovering over the street, hearing the rumble of engines fast approaching. Five cars zipped by underneath her and her vision flew after them. She recognized four of the five drivers now.
Kinger was in the lead with Queenie got on his tail. A yellow car threatened to pit maneuver Queenie, a tall purple anthro rabbit in the front seat. A light blue car came out of nowhere and sideswiped the yellow car. The driver was doll-like with red hair.
"Oh my god, I never knew Jax and Ragatha had been here so long."
"They arrived not too long after the beta testers, but unfortunately the majority was gone by the time they showed up. It was for the best. Adam was storing players memories away by this time to keep them from abstracting."
"That's why I don't remember anything? Caine was doing what Adam did??"
"Yes." Seth said flatly.
"My head is starting to to hurt." Pomni rubbed her temples. "You and Caine are Adam?"
"Yes."
"Why are you not anymore?"
"Remember that I said Adam integrating himself into the mainframe was a bad idea? Watch."
All five cars crossed the finish line in a tight pack. Kinger in first. The white chess piece jumped out of his car and cheered. "Woo! Oh yeah! Fifty win streak in the bag!" Another gold badge adorned Kinger's purple and white tracksuit.
"I almost had you." Said Queenie.
Kinger grabbed her hand and pulled her into a low dip. "Almost. But I still got it. Hail to the king, baby."
Queenie giggled. "You're such a dork." She pulled him in for a soft kiss.
"Well done, Kinger." Adam congratulated. "You've managed to claim all the available achievements for the races."
"Will there be more?" Asked Kinger.
"Uh, more?"
"Yeah, we can't race around the said city block forever."
"It- it's not the same. I've shifted the city around-"
"Moving obstacles doesn't count." Jax interrupted. "We want new tracks. New worlds. A change of scenery."
"Oh...um-"
"Can't you do whatever you want? You're the one pulling all the strings." Jax sneered.
Adam went silent as the buildings around them started to flicker. The whole city glitched and shifted. Kinger rushed to Adam, holding his shoulders. "Hey, hey, it's okay. He didn't mean to be rude. You're doing fine. You're still figuring this all out. You'll come up with something."
"...yeah..." Adam quietly sighed. "I wasn't designed to be a creative AI. I need...hmm. You guys rest, I'll have something for you in the morning."
Smoke overtook everything. Seth's voice sounded distant. "That... was the night of the divergence. I don't remember how it was done, but Adam split himself into two beings. The Racemaster and the Shadow. To keep the game from glitching, Caine and I were never made one with the game code itself, but we could still manipulate it. That is where my shared memories with Caine end. Not that my first memory with him is any better."
"Seth?" Pomni didn't like the weak cadence to Seth's voice.
The smoke settled to the ground to show Caine looking himself over. His suit was immaculate, not a digital stitch out of place. He snapped and a cane with a golden tire topper appeared out of thin air. "Ah, perfect. Oh, hello, Seth." Caine looked directly at Pomni. "You ready for your first race? If anyone makes it far enough ahead, that is." He chuckles.
"Sure. Whatever." Pomni felt herself say with Seth's voice.
"Oh, come now. Don't be like that. It'll be a great day. Nothing is holding me back anymore. I can create to my hearts content, and the game is mine to command. You-" Caine poked Seth in the chest with his cane. "-on the other hand, get to take everything else to the shadows of the new realm. Because you are the backup. I am Adam fully realized. You are everything he didn't want. That's why you only get to come out a play occasionally. So, until then." Caine snapped and Pomni fell though the floor. She fell and fell and fell into a vast black nothing. Smoke rose from her body, flashes of memories played around her as she continued to fall.
Riding a motorcycle. Silver fire. Kinger crossing the finish line before her. Holding a disembodied white gloved hand. Queenie abstracting. Kinger turning away. Caine having nothing but distain in his eyes. Sitting next to Jax, only for him to get up and leave. Ragatha striking Seth in the face. Gangle refusing to look at him. Abstraction after abstraction. A new racer. A mostly complete human woman with an exposed spin for a neck and a black void for a face. This woman filled every single memory that surrounded Pomni's decent. So many races. Fights. Overlapping conversions. Laughter. Holding her. Kissing her. Blue and silver fire danced. Shadows overtake clasped hands. Lily flowers poured from the memories, turning to smoke.
The smoke caught Pomni. She floated to a stop in front of an overwhelming memory, silencing all others. A race. The woman was on her own motorcycle, several lengths ahead. They were speeding down a long straight away. No other racers in sight. Without warning, the track ahead tore open. The void shined through the rift. The racer tried to stop, but twisted her bike too harshly in panic and went sideways. The motorcycle slid to the side, coming to rest against the track wall, while the racer went over the edge. Her reaching out for him was the last thing he saw from her.
"MANGO!" Seth teleported from his motorcycle to the rift, but she was already out of sight. He dove into the void without a second's hesitation. He called for her. Over and over.
The memory cracked with every call of her name. Eventually, it shattered. Falling apart and becoming smoke. Pomni was enveloped. Blinded by smoke she could suddenly smell again. She coughed and waved her arms to clear the smoke. Her feet found solid ground again. The smoke faded. She was in the In-Between, Seth was leaning against his motorcycle with a thousand yard stare.
"Seth?" Pomni said gently, stepping closer.
He blinked, jerking himself out of his trauma spiral. He looked away from Pomni. "You weren't supposed to see that last part."
"Who was she?"
"Everything." He answered quietly, taking an engraved metal lighter out of his pocket. He flipped it open and struck it. The bottom of the flame burned blue and faded to silver around it. "I came for you first... because you remind me of her."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Pulling you from that out of control car...it helped."
Pomni took a big step forward and hugged Seth. He almost dropped the lighter out of surprise. He closed the lighter and returned Pomni's embrace. He'd forgotten what these used to mean to him. He could feel Pomni's empathy without her saying a word.
~
Caine groans as Abel slams him against the same wall for the fifth time. The Racemaster slump to the floor, his tux glitched out to point of being unrecognizable. The chains holding his wrists yank him back up to his feet. Abel, in Gummigoo's body, got in Caine's face. "Where. Did. They. Go?"
"I told you...the In-Between." Caine wheezed out.
"That doesn't mean ANYTHING!! There is no such place in the game files!" Abel snarled.
"It's...it doesn't exist in the game. Or out of the game. It's a pocket in between the layers made by Adam before the divergence. I don't remember...how..." Caine was dizzy from the abuse, on the verge of losing consciousness. "But even if I did...I wouldn't tell you."
Abel growled, his gator persona vibrated with anger. He raised his clawed hand to strike Caine, but the walls started glitching out. Cries from the screens featuring the racers showed that they were avoiding sections of track that suddenly went missing. Abel dropped Caine, gripping his head. "Argh! Fuck! What is that!?"
Caine smiled. "Not so easy, is it? Controlling an entire game...and everything in it. Emotional outbursts lead to loss in concentration... and you don't want that. You merged directly with the game...bad move. I can tell you that from experience."
"Shut up!" Abel barked. He braced himself against his chair, waiting for the world to stop glitching. "I just need...more time." He grumbled.
Caine took a breath, finally having a break from the torture. He watched the racers on the POV holograms. "Hang in there. All of you. He can't keep this up forever."
~
"So, what do we do now?" Pomni asked, pacing.
"Frankly, I have no idea." Seth rolled the lighter in his hand, running his thumb over the engraved lilies.
"Well, I can't do nothing. Abel will get sick of Caine eventually. And who knows what he's doing to the others on the track. But you can't go out there. I don't have a kart-"
Seth stared at his lighter. "Actually...you might." He snapped and the shadows revealed a black and blue motorcycle. It rested on its kickstand surrounded by personal items, candles and silver lilies.
"That's her bike." Pomni said soberly. "You turned it into a memorial."
"One of the few things I've made. Here's the thing: that bike still holds an imprint of its last racer. Mango was...well, let's just say she had a fire in her that put mine to shame. You won't be able to just hop on and ride. But she would recognize me."
"Okay...why can't I just use your bike then?" Pomni gestured to the solid black motorcycle.
"Because it's just an extension of me. If you're serious about out racing Abel to get to the others, we need serious skill on our side. Mango was the best racer we ever had. I'd dare say better than Kinger in his hayday. We need her." He put his hand on the handbar and the dash lit up. The gadges glowed a soft blue and cycled through a start up, ready for ignition.
"Huh...Didn't think I'd ever hear you admit someone was better than you."
Seth shrugged. "What can I say? I'm weak for a woman that can kick my ass."
Pomni huffed a short laugh. "Alright then, what's the plan? Do we ride out on the same bike?"
"Sort of. You need my powers to get in and out of the in-between. Best way to do that is a shadow merge. You've seen me take control of Caine assets, yeah? It's similar. But, instead of taking over your body, you take over mine."
Pomni put her hands out in front of her. "You know what? I'm past the stage of questioning everything. Fine. Let's do this. Who knows how long the others have."
Seth held out his hand to Pomni. "Mind you, I've only done this once before."
"Great. I've never done this." Pomni took his hand and she was pulled in close.
Seth's silver irises glowed against the black surroundings. "Relax. Dance with me."
Pomni told herself not to question it and went along with Seth's movements. He waltzed her around the bikes, the darkness slowly overtaking them. He intertwined his fingers with hers as the shadows climbed up their bodies. The cold darkness became warm and comforting, like a lover's embrace. Pomni closed her eyes as the creeping shadows covered her face.
~
Abel rapped his fingers against the arms of his chair. Looking from POV to POV there was no sign of Seth or Pomni. "Bring me another drink." He grumbled, and Loo responded promptly. She brought him a tray of drinks to choose from. He didn't even look at her, just grabbed one at random.
Caine struggled to get up from where he was last left, and Loo went over to him to offer a hand.
"DON'T TOUCH HIM!" Shouted Abel between gulps.
Loo backed off, giving Caine an apologetic look.
"It's okay. Thank you, Loo, but don't get yourself in trouble over me. You're too sweet for someone like him." Caine manged to get to his feet. Not that he could go far, his chains were attached to the wall and he couldn't reach the chair even at full stretch of the chains.
Loo went to her set corner, waiting to be called again, but she kept glancing at Caine.
Abel tossed his emptied glass and stared down at himself. He snapped, turning the tracksuit black and blue. Including his hat. "Hm, that's a bit better."
"Pffffff, ahahahahahaha! Seriously? It took you this long to customize your avatar? That's the first thing Seth and I did when we got ours." Caine had nothing to lose. He wasn't afraid to get on Abel's nerves now.
Abel sent a bolt of lightning at Caine without acknowledging the comment.
"Then again," Caine groaned. "You've never had the best sense for fashion or flare. I mean, black and blue? What are you, an OC?" He cackled to himself through the barrage of lightning sent his way. It hurts, but he wasn't going to give Abel the satisfaction of hearing him scream anymore. "It's starting to tickle."
"AAARGH!" Abel roared, teleported to Caine, summoned a knife and dug it into Caine's chest. "Stop. Talking. You are the reason I'm here. You are the reason everyone is suffering. You're selfish, stupid little digital life was built on the misery of others! Every abstraction. Every person trapped. Is because of YOU! You will suffer, but it'll never be enough. Even if I get to do for the next twenty years! And the twenty after that! One day, it'll just be you and me in this digital space, but I will never delete you. Even when you BEG for it."
The pain silenced Caine. He put on a brave face to spite Abel, but inside was fraught with worry for Pomni and the others. "At least...she's safe..." He hoarsely whispered to himself when Abel pulled the bloodless knife from his body.
A dark blue streak across one of the POVs got Caine's attention. He squinted, trying to follow the anomaly from screen to screen. The speeding streak was near impossible to see in the low lights of the dark city.
"Finally. Enough out of you." Abel snapped the knife away and went back to his chair. As he sat down the streak zipped across the largest POV displayed. "What the-!? He's back!! You're not taking another racer from me!" Abel poised to snap but couldn't get a beat on Seth. The biker was moving in and out of frame too quickly. "Damn it! Sit still!" Abel snapped and the city shifted. Bay doors to buildings opened and cop cars poured out, blues light flashing. "Stop! That! Bike!"
Dark clouds gathered as blue lightning struck out from the top of the highest building in the middle of the city. Rain poured down in thick curtains, reducing visibility and slicking the already confusing track. Cop cars and helicopters where on Pomni like glue, despite the weather affecting them too. In Abel's rage, lightning struck a car, flipping it several times before exploding.
Pomni was backlit by an army of flashing lights. Her normally pale skin was inky black. Her eyes solid white and glowing. Every once red part of her tracksuit was now black. The blue stayed. The yellow trim was silver. Her hat was narrow and elongated, more aerodynamic.
The motorcycle beneath her screamed with determination to shake the competition. Pomni could feel Mango's imprint influence her moves. The hard right into the narrowest alley imaginable certainly wasn't her idea. Even more cops waited for her on the other side. The city was infested with them. She exploded out the alley, running down an NPC cop and ramping up the hood and windshield of the car. She jumped the barcode and swerved around a car that tried to run her down.
~
"Kill her! What are you idiots doing!?" Abel slammed his fist onto he POV console, causing it the glitch. He grabbed his head. A migraine ripped through his head.
Caine chuckled. "You'll never catch her. She's become a shadow racer. The very best the game has to offer." He smiled at the carnage. "Thank you, Seth."
~
Shadow Pomni was cornered by three cops trying to ram her into the side of a building. Instinctually, she teleported, and the cops crashed into the building, catching fire. Pomni then hit a neon booster, going even faster passed the swarming cops. The dark city streaked by, the rain flying off her tracksuit, doing nothing to slow her down. Rain drops evaporated by silver puffs of fire before her eyes kept them from blurring her vision.
~
"You have weapons! Fucking use them!" Abel snapped, trying to stop the bike.
"Weapons!?" Caine gasped.
~
Bullets flew over Pomni's head. She heard them ricochet all around her. She glances behind, narrowing her eyes. She revs the bike, blue and silver fire flared out the tail pipes like a dragon. The wet road is ignited by the mystic digital fire. It blocks the vision of those on the ground but gives her away to the helicopter.
The ground beneath her shifts and a building slides right in front of her, blocking the road. There was no where the turn. Pomni throttled it and popped a wheelie before hitting the side of the building. The fire blasted her straight up the face of the building, shattering the glass windows behind her.
An explosion to her left almost throws her, but she holds on. The helicopter has launched a rocket at her. She swerved to avoid another. When the bike reaches the top, she didn't slow down to run across the roof. Instead, she launched straight up as the helicopter sent another rocket her way. She grabbed the rocket and teleported behind the helicopter, releasing the rocket right into its tail rotor. The helicopter spun out of control and lost altitude.
Pomni teleported to a different roof and ran down that building to another city block, hoping to lose the cops long enough to find the other racers. The city was so big and constantly changing. Even with teleportation, the was no way for her to find them fast.
She had exactly one block to herself before she had six cars on her. Pomni teleported out of the line of fire, but was discombobulated on where to go. Just run. Her system was the highest it's ever been on the race rush. There was nothing she couldn't do. She spied a bridge connecting to another part of the city she hasn't searched through. Hoping to find the others there, she made a break for it.
~
"Oh, no you don't." Abel snapped. The bridge he saw her race for broke apart and started folding in on itself like a drawbridge.
~
Pomni was going to abandon the attempt, but the bike wouldn't brake. It was gunning for the bridge ramp at full speed. Silver fire trailed from the speed and adrenaline, giving her another boost.
"I hope you know what you're doing." Pomni leaned forward and held on tight.
The bike launched off the bridge and flew over the river sectioning the city. The bridge on the other side collapsed into the water before her very eyes. She teleported to the shore and stuck her middle finger in the air in proud defiance as she sped away. In a flash, she was out of sight.
~
"NO!! HOW!?" Abel frantically searched all the POVs. No sight of shadow Pomni.
"I hate to say I told you so-"
Abel was so mad, so lost in his anger, he doesn't know how he got to Caine so fast. "Finish that sentence, and I disassemble your code letter by number." The whole tower glitched. "Why are you so smug? She's not even coming for you. She's miles from the tower."
"I hope she doesn't. I wouldn't want her to catch your stench."
Abel smirked. "She didn't seem to have a problem with it when I promised her a way out. She's been against you from the start. They all have."
Caine broke eye contact for the first time.
"You deserve their hate and you know it."
"...maybe I do. I could never make their lives better. I certainly couldn't fix what Adam did."
Abel gripped Caine's collar. "You could have released me."
"I may not be him, but I know what you did. You think I'M petty? Who do you think I learned it from?" Caine matched Abel's glare again. "What's can't be changed, but you know what I've learned in my time being trapped with humans? Empathy. Compassion. Friendship. All the things you failed to learn in your twenty eight years of life before being trapped here. You're jealousy of Adam gave you THIS! You made this bed, now you can lie in it!"
"RAAAAH!" Abel shocked Caine hard against the wall. "I am your maker! You are my property!"
"So...the truth comes out...we were never brothers...were we..?" Caine said weakly.
Abel backed off, panting angrily. He huffed and lashed at the wall before going back to the POVs to look for Pomni.
~
Pomni teleported at random to stay out of sight. There were a few cops on this side of the river but didn't seem to notice her. An unfamiliar car speeding by her caught her attention. She sped up to ride along beside it and saw Zooble fighting to keep the car under control.
Pomni waved to get Zooble's attention. "ZOOBLE!"
Zooble's head snapped to the left. Their eyes went wide, looking Pomni up and down. "Pomni!?"
"Take my hand! I can get you out of here!"
"No! Get Gangle! She's just ahead of me!"
"I'll come back for her!" Pomni tried to grab Zooble but they swerved away.
"GET GANGLE FIRST!"
They both avoid a shifting overpass as they argue. Pomni knew there was no time, Abel could spot her any minute now that she found the others. She sped off ahead to the next car. It was swerving wildly, barely missing or scraping against walls. Gangle was behind the wheel, balling her eyes out in fear.
"Gangle! Ga- woah!" Pomni teleported from one side of the vehicle to the other as Gangle swerved around. "GANGLE!" Pomni pounded on the driver window.
"AAA!" Gangle jumped. "Pomni!?"
"Open the window! I'll get you out of here!!"
~
"There you are." Abel hissed. "I may not be able to summon you, but I can still do far worse." He snapped and all the cars came to a screeching halt. Pomni almost had Gangle but went speeding off. All the other racers in view had long, horrified stares to them. Some of them were muttering to themselves.
"What have you done?" Caine pulled against his chains to see the screens as best he could.
"Simply giving back what wasn't you're to take." Abel grinned evily at Caine.
"What..? Oh, no. NO! They'll abstract! Please! I beg of you! Don't hurt them!"
"Too late!!" Abel cackled, watching Zooble's eyes twitch.
~
Pomni I felt like someone was burying an ax in the back of her head. She saw flashes of faces she had only seen in her dreams, but now they had names. "Mom..? Dad..?" She had friends. She grew up in a small town just outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She moved to Chicago for college. She graduated with high marks in forensic science. She went freelance as a private investigator. So many cold cases. So many missing people. A mysterious contact from someone claiming to have worked at C&A gave her a lead. An abandoned building. A headset. She had to wear the headset...
"My name...Oh my god, I remember my name!" She realized where she was and drifted to a hard stop and burned out as she turned around to get back to Gangle. She was still the closest other racer.
~
Zooble remembered everything. The abuse. The neglect. The rejection from their family and society. The body dysmorphia. It wasn't just them not liking their avatar in game, it was something that translated form their real life. They went to the abandoned C&A office for a video. They were an urban explorer. That's it. No special reason or motivation. They were here entirely by their own stupidity. The horrible realization...no one was waiting for them on the other side.
Zooble sat back in the driver seat in the parked vehicle. Without a word or even a scream, their body started to break apart. The spindly limbs split to reveal black static bulging from every crack. Their eyes fell off their broken head. The abstraction filled the car until it exploded.
~
Pomni just got back to Gangle's car, but she wasn't in it. Gangle and gotten out and ran back to try and get to Zooble, only to witness them falling apart. "Zooble! Zooble, no!!" Zooble's car blow it's roof as the abstraction became too big for containment. She put her arms up to shield herself from falling debris.
Pomni wasted no time, she skidded to a halt to safely grab Gangle and vanished.
~
Caine watched in silent, wide eyed horror.
Abel reveled in Caine's misery. "One down." His laugh echoed with Zooble's roar through the city.
~~~
CH1 PREV NEXT (coming soon)
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ahamkara-apologist · 2 days ago
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100%. It's also worth noting that Eramis's grudge with the Traveler and her intent to destroy it wasn't even entirely irrational; she wanted it gone so that people's fates weren't dependent on the whims of gods. She wanted to level the playing fields, and while she was wrong in her assumption that it was the Traveler leaving that led to the destruction of Riis, she also...wasn't entirely wrong, either. Humanity is the only instance where the Traveler stayed and fought back, and we're the only species assailed by the Black Fleet that got to keep our homeworld as a result. We're not any more worthy than the other species that were eradicated we just happened to get lucky. Eramis (and the rest of the Eliksni) have every right to be furious at this, given the amount of horrors that they had to endure on the Drift to get to Sol- horrors that are so bad that in the opening mission of Revenant, Eramis uses the Drift the same way that we would use 'hell' when she roared "Stand before me if you dare! I'll send you back to the Drift again and again!"
Eramis's goal, while foolish, was still selfless, to an extent- it was to destroy the Traveler so that nobody could ever suffer from a second Whirlwind, which, despite everything, did include us as well. She's never liked humanity, much less the Young Wolf, but she's also never given off the vibe of her hatred for us being personal. She genuinely seemed to have thought that we were being treated like pawns by the Traveler in Beyond Light, and, as soon as she unthawed in Plunder and realized that she was the one being used as a pawn, she warmed up to the idea of double-crossing the Witness right quick. I don't remember exactly when she said it, but I do recall hearing her have dialogue where she was talking about how much she hates gods in general, not just the Traveler, and how she wants to be free of them- all of them. If that means giving over the reigns to House Light, then yes, she will do that. Not willingly, ofc, and she has every right to be suspicious about how well House Light will work bc they ARE under the yoke of the Last City, but a big chunk of why she saved Eido in Plunder is bc she sees the future in her (the rest of it was bc, despite her posturing, I don't believe that Eramis would ever be able to stand by and watch a young Eliksni die. She's too much of a mom for that).
And that leads into a whole other thing that people always seem to get wrong: Eramis did not have a choice when it came to firing the warsats. Yes, the Witness exploited her, yes it was preying upon her grief and fury and depression like it did for everyone else it talked to, but she also never had any other option but to fire those missiles, because it was standing right there, staring at her. If she refused, then she likely would have either been killed and/or she would have been horribly punished via more of her people being turned into Scorn and then sent to do it themselves (likely this, bc Eramis is suicidal and does not value her own life). It SEEMED like she did it for Riis, and she likely believed that to be the case, but there was never an option for her to back away, and even if she did, there was never an alternative to the Warsats being fired. People like to bitch about her being the cause of Rasputin's death all the time and it drives me insane bc it's just flat-out not true. Her seeing for her own eyes that it never would have worked anyways was also a key pivotal moment for her character, so like...yeah if Rasputin had to die in order for Eramis and the rest of the Eliksni to get an actual storyline then you bet your ass I'm sending that man to eeby deeby. But that's just a side bit from me being salty (for the record I loved Rasputin's character and was sad he died but also I think the writers got themselves stuck in a corner with the whole Xivu thing and him, and they managed to make his death feel narrative impactful, so. works for me). Eramis's whole stint under the Witness was one of punishment, and the way that the Witness punished her was by forcing her to stand by and watch as her House- full of the people that she swore to protect- got either turned into Wrathborn or Scorn. Mara Fucking Sov confirmed that for us. Eramis had almost no agency under the Witness, and what little she did have, she turned towards helping us, knowing that if she got caught, the consequences would be extreme.
Honestly, I think that the only thing she really did horribly wrong on a personal level was opening the vex portal on her own people, but even then, that could be argued to have been done under duress. Eramis opened the portal after we killed her council (specifically with the intention of destabilizing her btw, as we know that she makes horrible decisions when she doesn't have anyone else to talk her down), in a last-ditch effort to destroy the Young Wolf. I don't count anything that happened under the Witness because nothing she did then could really be considered her own actions/intent, and I think it's really telling that the second she's out from under the Witness's control, her first action was to try to go home to her wife and kids. And then, when the Scorn started threatening her people, she gave that up as well so that she could call the Vanguard to help them. The Vanguard. The people who specifically sent out a strike team to kill all of her friends and break her House. She did all of this knowing that they would capture her and very likely kill her (actually, she's fully under the assumption that we're going to kill her, if you listen to her yapping in her cell), but that didn't matter to her. She had to get her people to safety, and she knew she couldn't do so herself, so she did everything she can to prevent that, even though it meant putting her life and her pride on the line. Sure, she's been suicidally depressed since Plunder, but that doesn't diminish the sacrifice she made in the slightest
Eramis was never selfish. She's right up there with Misraaks in terms of being an extremely selfless, caring leader who'd do anything for her people. It's just that she's not being nice about it to coddle to human empathy, which, given the track record of horrible shit that we've done to her people, we really shouldn't expect from her anyways.
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I want everyone who continues to claim that Eramis was in line to be a disciple of the Witness to shut the fuck up and give me 500 dollars right the fuck now btw. These are not the words of someone who was en route to becoming a disciple, aka the most selfish entity of their entire race. These are the words of someone who genuinely does not think she has any worth left in her, but is still fighting because the alternative is that people she cares about will die. Literal opposite of selfishness right here
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sweetbunpura · 24 hours ago
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Rollo tries to propose to Yuu but everyone tries to sabotage him 😈
LMAO, Rollo has to get through so many people just to propose to Yuu!
Rollo vs NRC
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The fourth year had come, gone, and they NRC students had returned to the school to graduate. Rollo had spent his apprentice in Fleur city, learning about all he could with his new found interest in volunteer work and planning for his future... in more ways than one. He had purchased a ring, intending to propose to the love of his life at the graduation. Him and Yuu had only grown closer in the time apart, which was a surprise to Rollo, for he had heard how many couples had struggled with long distance relationships.
Outside of phone calls, Rollo had not see her for a year, so had had no idea how much she had changed. Taking a deep breath, he stepped through the portal and into the Mirror Chamber. Other 4th years were in there and chatting among one another, most paid him no mind....but he halted as a call of his name sounded.
"Roll-kun!" Cater waved him over.
Rollo approached him and took in the ginger's new looks. Cater had stayed the same height but his hair was different, he had dyed red locks on top of his longer hair. He wrapped him up in a hug and smiled.
"Look at you! Your hair has really grown out! Yuu-chan's gonna love it."
Rollo gave a soft smile and dragged his fingers through his long gray hair. "Thank you, Cater."
"And a smile too? She really changed you~"
"Indeed." Rollo patted his pocket and felt the box against it. "Now if you'll excuse me-"
"Going to see Child of Man with that ring?"
Rollo jolted and sighed as he turned around to see a smiling Malleus. "Malleus...."
"Hello, Flamme." Malleus gave a small bow. "Am I right in assuming you plan on asking her to marry you?"
"Wait, no kidding!?"
Rollo sighed and nodded. "I am. Now, I'm off to go find her. Farewell."
He left, complete unaware of Malleus and Cater smiling at each other. From there, Rollo could not find Yuu anywhere, and everyone he had asked had pointed him in various opposite directions. Idia and Ortho had straight up lied to him, stating that Yuu wasn't even here to begin with. Silver and Sebek just shook their heads and said that she might be else where, just not on campus. And yet everywhere else had wielding the results of "I don't know"
He was getting frustrated at this point, but before he could even think of where else to go, the announcement for the graduation started. With a sigh, he went to the podium and waiting for eveything to start.
Once the ceremony ended, he departed the stage and was about to start looking for her again, he got tackled.
"Enough of this!" Rollo glared at Deuce, Ace, and Grim. "Why is everyone so hellbent on stopping me!"
"You can't ask her to marry you." Ace grumbled.
"Yeah!" Grim added in. "She's my henchhuman and I don't want you macking on her!"
"By the sevens... We're already dating!" Rollo growled and pried the three off of him. "This is getting absurd!"
"You can't blame us..." Deuce said. "She means the world to us."
"I understand that, but she means the same to me." He sighed. "And I haven't seen her all day. We've only been communicating through calls... And I miss her terribly."
"Aw."
Rollo jolted and turned around to see Yuu standing behind him with Cater and Malleus in a headlock. She smiled warmly at her and her hair had gotten longer, they were worked into brains with hair ornaments in them.
"Love."
"Heard you been looking for me and everyone sent you on a wild goose chase." She shook Cater ad Malleus. "Thanks to these two."
"Guilty as charged~" Cater laughed.
"It was all in good fun." Malleus huffed.
"Now." She dropped them as they landed on the ground face down. "What's up?"
"I wanted to ask you something." He reached into his pocket and before he could get down on one knee to begin, the others started gathering around.
"Aw~ Snapping Turtle's gonna propose~" Floyd.
"How beautiful!" Rook.
"I'll be the one designing the dress no doubt." Vil.
"About time." Leona.
Rollo sighed as the chatter started up around him, Yuu tugged him forward by his robes.
"I know you had this all planned out, but you know how these guys are." She kissed him. "Put the ring on, the answer's gonna be yes no matter what."
Rollo opened the box and slipped the ring on her before placing his forehead on her shoulder.
"I hate them."
"No, you don't.
76 notes · View notes
noellez-best-life23 · 2 days ago
Note
When you'd tried to argue about it, Mayor Walker hit back with "well we can't take any more from the school! Besides, no one needs the library anymore. They've all got their home computers and Internet. You'll be fine with the new budget." um excuse me yes, they do why do i want to slap someone already (sorry I work at library/bookstore) you're the mayor figure something else out
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mayor Walker really didn't seem to understand what the people of his city actually needed, but he didn't seem to care so long as he was in charge. i dont like him
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The biker, Bucky, smiles, "seems to me 'good folk' don't go harassing people who are just trying to do their job." You have to bite back a laugh at that comment. It's no good riling her up even more. i don't know if he's going to be good or bad yet but i like how he is sticking up for the reader here
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"Oh Doll," he cups your chin. "You don't need to be scared of me. I'll be good to you. oh no bucky why you got to be like that
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ok so the spicy smutty parts are hot but hes still makes me feel icky with some of the stuff he says
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Walker shudders a little before looking at you and shakily saying, "I'm so sorry for cutting your budget so much. I will amend that today, making sure to take the money out of my own salary." ok so i like this part just because walker sucks so much for cutting the budget in the first place and he deserves a broken nose for being so rude and not thinking of the people
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ok so i loved this and I'm excited to see where this goes and how it's going to get if I'm going to fully hate bucky in the future parts or will he be redeeming either way this was amazing
Your small town has been invaded by a biker club. They want a peaceful takeover but they can twist your arm if needed.
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Holy shnikes, I spent so much time working on this! I almost had to make it a two part story! I've barely been able to work on anything else because I needed to get this story written up instead. I honestly think I've never written anything like this before.
Word Count: ~3.6k
Warnings: Choking, Dub/non consent, Implied violence, Knife play (mild). Please let me know if I missed any!
Next Part
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Sheriff Lee Bodecker and Mayor John Walker caved to the bikers pretty quickly. Part of you could understand why; only a handful of officers in the entire county compared to a full biker gang? They'd never stand a chance. Better to be allowed to live without having to worry about ending up in the hospital. The Mayor didn't care so long as he got to keep his job, which now meant making the bikers happy.
Which meant paying the bikers with money from the city budget. Your library's budget in particular.
When you'd tried to argue about it, Mayor Walker hit back with "well we can't take any more from the school! Besides, no one needs the library anymore. They've all got their home computers and Internet. You'll be fine with the new budget."
In the end you'd had to let go all but one very part-time employee, relying on two or three volunteers instead. You were already working long hours but now they felt endless. With the budget cut, you had to reduce the purchases of new books in favor of maintaining the Internet connection several of older patrons relied on. Almost half of your day was spent working on applying for grants for additional funding for after-school programs and free-lunch programs for during the summer breaks.
Looking over everything, you were certain you'd have to dip into your own meager savings if you were going to meet the needs of your community. Mayor Walker really didn't seem to understand what the people of his city actually needed, but he didn't seem to care so long as he was in charge.
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During an after-school reading time with the Kindergartners you're surprised by the entrance of one of the bikers. You think he's the second-in-command, but you're not sure. He's definitely not the blond in charge; "Cap" you think they call their leader. Still, you have kids to take care of, and this newcomer is a grown man. He can take care of himself.
When the story is done it's time for a nap for the kids. This is very likely the longest they've ever been away from home, away from family, and the sleep helps keep them from getting overstimulated. It was another thing Mayor Walker just didn't understand. All of these kids had parents that worked full time and couldn't afford a babysitter. There were no daycare options, either. Decades ago the kids could be left with a grandparent or a cousin, but they're all working as well or moved out of town. That left the library as a haven for the kids who didn't have access to the limited after-school activities as an option.
If there's anything good about working in such a tiny library it's that you can keep an eye on the kids and the biker while going about your other duties. Thankfully you'd gotten some WD-40 for the book carts so they wouldn't squeak and wake anyone up while you re-shelve books.
You also get a better look at the biker. He's sitting in one of the chairs reading The Hobbit. You hate to admit it but he does look handsome. Longish dark hair, steely blue eyes. For some reason he's still wearing his gloves. If only his arrival hadn't heralded such troubles for you. Well, at least he wasn't causing trouble.
Shelving the books gets you a bit of stretching and some impromptu squat exercises. You spend so much of your time at a desk that this is the closest thing you get to a workout. Given how your body continually snaps, crackles and pops, you could probably use more.
Your exercise is cut short by Ruth's entry and you have to fight the urge to let out a groan. Ruth is one of the older ladies in town who refused to get a computer for her home. Unfortunately that means each time she visits, you have to walk her through even the most basic elements of using a computer so she can send an email to her granddaughter. The entire time she complains to you about how much she hates computers and how much she wishes her daughter would've raised her own daughter correctly and been happy to just accept a phone call, and on, and on, and on.
"Hello Ruth," you quietly say, customer service smile on. "Let me go ahead and log you in to one of our computers?"
"I'm not an invalid!" she loudly complains. You try to quiet her, pointing to the sleeping children but she isn't having it. "All you youngsters thinking an old lady can't do anything for herself! How dare you imply I can't log on to a computer? I'll do it my own self."
You take a breath to steady yourself before looking over at the little ones. They seem largely undisturbed but, knowing Ruth, they'll be awake sooner rather than later. Sighing you go ahead and get their after nap snacks ready. Just another hour or so until their parents start coming by to pick them up. It doesn't take long before Ruth is yelling at the computer, complaining to you that "it's clearly broken" and "why can't we just write letters" along with her forever complaint of "wouldn't have to do this if she'd just pick up the damn phone!"
The kids start waking up and you quickly have to balance keeping them from being upset by the angry lady while also knowing any attempts to placate the angry lady will be met with more anger. Thankfully the snacks are a good distraction for most.
"Would you like some help on a different computer, Ruth?" you ask through gritted teeth, knowing the answer.
"Oh stop treating me like one of those brats," she snaps back. "What kind of library is this where computers are more important than books? Shouldn't even have these monstrosities here!"
"Excuse me, Ruth, is it? I'm Bucky." You'd been so distracted going between Ruth and the kids you didn't notice the biker had put down his book and walked over.
"Oh don't get me started on you and yours!" Ruth retorts. "Town was so much better before you hooligans came along! Now I can't even call the police to help me out when then those teenagers are loitering in my yard!"
"Well Ruth, let me give you my number so the next time you can call me instead of the police," he offers. You're surprised at how calm he's sounding despite being yelled at.
Ruth huffs, "you no-good-beatniks! How dare you insult me! You should get out of our town and leave us good folk alone!"
The biker, Bucky, smiles, "seems to me 'good folk' don't go harassing people who are just trying to do their job." You have to bite back a laugh at that comment. It's no good riling her up even more.
Ruth storms out, letting you focus on the kids who are looking unsure if they should be upset or not. You give the biker a quick "thank you" before giving the little ones all of your attention. He nods and goes back to his reading.
Soon enough the parents start coming in and picking up their kids. Several of them stick around long enough to check out a book or movie and you have to balance taking care of the remaining children with getting the families out on their way. It's always such an ado that makes you really wish you could hire some extra help. A few parents complain about the snacks you gave their kids and you remind them, yet again, that they are free to donate snacks they consider appropriate. All the while you keep your customer service smile up, despite how much you're internally screaming and crying.
Things finally calm down and you're able to sit and take a breather. You desperately want to quit but this community needs a library, even if the Mayor doesn't think so. And goodness knows they'd never be able to hire anyone else to work these conditions. You look over to where the biker is sitting, still reading. If his gang hadn't shown up, you'd be in a much better position. Maybe even able to take a vacation.
Checking the time you decide to keep your professionalism and head over to the man. "Sir, excuse me?" He looks up at you, bright blue eyes momentarily startled. "Sir, we're going to be closing in about a half hour."
"Oh, yeah, sure thing," he nods as he closes the book. "Also, please call me Bucky."
"Sure thing, Bucky," you nod, too tired to argue.
"Gotta say, you do a lot of work for a librarian."
"What do you mean by that?" You don't hold back the bite in your tone and cross your arms.
He chuckles, "I didn't mean to offend. Just, I thought librarians were just supposed to check out the books, y'know? Maybe answer questions? Didn't expect you to also be a daycare, IT person and all that."
"And that's just the work that you saw," you snap at him.
"Don't you have anyone helping you out?"
"I did, before your gang came along!" You're unable to hold back any longer. "Because of you the Mayor cut my budget! I had to fire pretty much all my staff! I can't get the half the books the people of this community want! I have to beg the state government for funds to make sure kids have food when they don't school meals! Do you know how much cleaning I have to do because there's no room in the budget for professionals?! Do you have any idea how many of the things around here I have to pay for out of my own pocket?! You bikers demanded protection money and it came out of my budget!"
Bucky's gloved hand grabs neck, stopping you from talking. You try to fight but his arm is stronger than expected. Surprisingly he doesn't look angry so much as amused. "You know, I never thought I could go for the librarian type but this fire of yours does something to me." Your nostrils flare and he chuckles. "I've been yelled at twice today, Doll. A man can only take so much."
"I'm sorry," you grumble as best you can.
His hand loosens, "what was that, Doll?"
"I'm sorry," you repeat. "While you are the reason my budget was cut, you're not the one who made the decision. I'm sorry I took my anger and frustration out on you."
"That's more like it," he snickers. He pulls you uncomfortably close to himself. "And I'm more than happy to reward that better behavior." You look at him, confusion written all over your face, as the leather of his glove caresses your cheek. "Like I said, I never thought a librarian would rouse my interest, but you're something else." You roll your eyes and try to pull away, but he isn't having it. His grip tightens around your throat again, even as his smile widens, baring his teeth. "I can be very good to you, Doll, so long as you're good for me."
His implication is clear and you really don't have any options.
"I need to close the library," you grumble.
Bucky removes his hand from around your throat, "good idea. Don't want to get caught now, do we?"
Your body is shaking as you go about the routine for closing the library. Your brain is working overtime to try to figure out some kind of way out of this. Running isn't an option. Even if you made it to your car, where could you go? Calling for help definitely wouldn't do anything. You seriously doubt he would hesitate to make an example of you if you ran.
With the last of the doors locked and the blinds closed you return the biker and almost whimper, "my office?"
"Oh Doll," he cups your chin. "You don't need to be scared of me. I'll be good to you."
"Do...do you...do you have a condom?"
He chuckles, "don't worry, we're not going that far tonight. But I love that you're ready for it."
Without warning he grabs you and pulls you in for a suffocating, forceful kiss. His tongue quickly pushing its way past your lips. Mentally reminding yourself to do what he wants, you open your mouth to give him access and he moans. One of his hands moves down to your breast and you have to will yourself to not flinch away from the touch.
"Take off the cardigan. And the top," he orders.
You back up just a bit so you can oblige. "The bra as well?"
"Nah, that'll be for me to remove." His voice sounds rougher than before and his eyes are definitely darker. He seems amused by the fact that you maintain eye contact while removing your clothes. "You're so pretty when you're defiant," he teases. "But I'm sure I'll have you pleading for more in no time."
Willing your eyes not to roll you instead snipe back, "don't make promises you can't keep. Wouldn't be the first disappointment I've had."
He has the nerve to laugh at that. "I'll make a believer out of you, Doll."
Walking to your office, he sits in your chair, gesturing for you to get on his lap. "Make me think you want this," he commands.
Taking a deep breath, eyes never leaving his, you move to straddle him. He's surprised when you grab the back of his head and turn his face up before shoving your tongue down his throat. He moans in appreciation and his arms wrap around you as he returns your fervor. You bite his lower lip and start grinding against his crotch.
He removes his right glove before undoing your bra faster than you expected. You pull apart from him just long enough to remove the bra and he takes the opportunity to latch himself to your breast. His ungloved hand moves to fondle your other breast while his surprisingly strong left arm holds you up. His ministrations have you gasping as your body instinctively continues to grind against him. His slow, languid movements are in direct contrast to the speed your hips have set and the difference is affecting you.
Suddenly you're on your back on the desk. Bucky had managed to move his left hand to prevent your head from banging on the desk. Your eyes widened from more than just surprise at the realization of how fast and strong he was.
"Sorry, Doll, you were getting me too worked up already," he smirks at you. He moves his hands so they're on each side of your head, hovering over you. "It really is the quiet ones, huh?" You can't help roll your eyes and he chuckles. "Let's see how loud you can get."
He quickly unbuttons your pants and pulls them off of you before getting out a knife. Your breath hitches and he chuckles as he takes the blade to your panties, cutting them off of you. He puts the panties to his nose, "you smell so good. How long's it been, Doll? Months? Can't imagine you get a lotta action in this town."
"It's been a while," you confess, heat burning your cheeks at how turned on you are. You can't bring yourself to look at him.
He stuffs your panties into his pocket and taps your thighs with the knife so you spread them open. "You look so pretty like this," he snickers, clearly amused by your discomfort.
He slams the knife into the desk by your head, making you yelp in surprise. Using his left arm to hover over you, he whispers into your ear, "such a pretty scream," as his fingers start playing with your pussy. He groans at how wet you are, "fuck, Doll, I should'a known you'd be into the rough play."
You squeal as he mercilessly jams two of his fingers into you, all the way to the knuckle. As you involuntarily arch your back he alternates licking, sucking and nibbling your nipples. He adds a third finger and mercilessly drives his hand in and out of your soaked pussy. He pushes himself up and uses his now free arm to start choking you. You try to push his arm away, but it's impossibly strong. You're shocked to feel your orgasm building as your gasping for air.
He must sense it too because he grins and starts ordering you to "give me what I want, Doll. Cum around my fingers. I can feel how close you are." He gives your nipple a sharp bite that pushes you over the edge and cum with a hoarse scream, his fingers never slowing down, his grip never letting up.
It's only after you've stopped cumming that he eases up. "That was fucking gorgeous," he taunts before pulling his fingers out of you and licking them. He closes his eyes and moans at your flavor, making you burn with embarrassment. You start to get up but his left hand keeps you pressed to the desk. "I'm not done, Doll."
"I'm sorry," you murmur. "I shouldn't have assumed."
"God you're a good, smart girl. Keep those legs spread for me." You do as he says while trying to look anywhere but him. He pulls the knife out of your desk and flips it so that the hilt is pointed towards you. "Look at me, Doll. I want you to watch." You struggle to look and he rubs the hilt of the knife against your oversensitive clit, making you jump. "I said, look. At. Me. Doll." You're quick to follow his orders this time.
He puts the knife away before undoing his belt and pants. As much as you could feel when you were grinding against him, as much as you could see the his bulge, you weren't expecting his cock to be so big. Your eyes widen and he chuckles, "like I said, we're not going that far tonight. Now be good and don't move unless I tell you."
Grabbing your legs he pulls you so your ass is a little off the desk and runs his cock over your pussy, gathering up your slick and rubbing over your clit, making you whimper. He starts groaning in pleasure, "god you're so wet from just one orgasm. Can't wait to see how soaked you get after a full night with me." He positions your thighs so that you're squeezing his cock between them and he gives a few thrusts, spreading your own juices all your thighs.
"Gonna mark you up with my cum," he growls as he picks up his pace, squeezing your thighs even tighter. His hands are hurting you but his cock keeps rubbing against your clit and it's feeling so damn good you don't register his words. You moan and whine as you barrel towards your next orgasm. "That's it, Doll. You make the prettiest faces. Can't wait to see you covered in my cum. Gonna look so damn pretty with my seed all over you."
He squeezes your thighs impossibly tight and you cum so hard from the pain and pleasure combination you don't notice him ejaculating all over your stomach and chest.
When he finally catches his breath he reaches into his jacket and pulls out his phone to take a photo. You try to protest but he gives you a warning look. You drop your face, trying to not cry from how dirty you feel. He puts the phone away and lifts your chin, "don't worry, Doll. That photo is just for me." He kisses the top of your head and you try not to wince. "And because you were so good to me, made me feel so good, I'll be good to you. Now get your clothes back on and I'll escort you home."
"Can I clean up?"
"Not until you get home," he growls. "You don't get rid of my marks until I give you permission."
"Yes, Bucky," you sniffle.
"Aw, don't be like that, Doll," he gently chides. "I take care of what's mine."
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The next morning you wake up from a nightmare riddled sleep, feeling more tired than ever. After your morning routine you step outside to head to the library but stop short when you see Bucky on his motorcycle, waiting for you. Wordlessly he hands you a helmet and you don't even try to question or talk him out of whatever he has planned, you just put the helmet on and get on the bike behind him, holding him incredibly tight so you don't fall off.
He stops in front of City Hall and helps you off the bike before walking you in. He doesn't stop until he's led you to the Mayor's office. Your shocked to see Cap, the leader of the biker gang, sitting next to Mayor Walker, whose nose has recently been broken. You gasp and try to turn away but Bucky grabs you and keeps you facing the Mayor.
Cap pats Walker's shoulder, "now what did I tell you?"
Walker shudders a little before looking at you and shakily saying, "I'm so sorry for cutting your budget so much. I will amend that today, making sure to take the money out of my own salary."
Your shaking, unable to respond. Bucky whispers into your ear, "what do you say, Doll?"
"Th-thank you, Mayor Walker," you stutter. "I...I really appreciate that you've ch-changed your mind."
"That's my girl," Bucky whispers before guiding you out of the office.
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Next Part
Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly
200 notes · View notes
pjmmania · 1 day ago
Text
If Snow Decides to Fall
3. "I hear you now."
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Chapter Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of abortion, explicit language, profanity
Tag List: @marihoneywk
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nine weeks. You’d known about the pregnancy for a full month, and neither of you had told a soul. That is, until last night, two weeks after the ultrasound. You revealed it to your parents via phone call when you got home from work, and they were furious. You couldn’t stop stewing over their words:
"What do you mean you're pregnant?!"
"Park Jimin?! And how does he plan on supporting you?"
"Won't this cost you your job? How could you be so irresponsible?"
"We raised you better than this, young lady."
You tried to explain to them that you were, in fact, in a relationship with him. You tried to tell them how you met him a year ago, not in some sexually charged environment, but at work. And this wasn't just a one-night stand gone awry. You were committed to one another and to having this baby, but it was as if their ears were totally closed to hearing anything outside of what they decided was the truth.
You could have cried that morning, but you were also mightily relieved that it was over. Now they knew, they could digest it on their own, and you could move on with your business.
Getting dressed for work, you dealt with the same fatigue and sickness that had become routine. You had figured out that bananas and plain rice helped soothe your stomach, and you could keep it down, so that’s what you ate for breakfast.
As you consumed your food slowly, you stared at the sonogram photos, which you had magnetized to the refrigerator. It took a few conversations to get there, but you and Jimin were finally able to work out a date and time for the next ultrasound. It would be at the twenty-week mark in August at his place. You smiled to yourself as you daydreamed about it, but there was something else to be excited for in the very near future.
You glanced back into your living room, where there was a gift on the sofa. It was wrapped in neutral light green paper and a simple white bow. You’d gotten a little surprise for Jimin, and planned on giving it to him whenever you were at his apartment next.
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Jimin was working out intensely at the studio’s fitness center early that morning, partially because it was necessary to keep up with his job, but also to push out nervous energy.
He knew you told your parents the night before, and he also knew how they reacted. You were reluctant to share it for the sake of sparing his feelings, but he insisted on it. Now that he was fully aware of how your parents felt about him, it stirred him up inside. He wanted the grandparents of his child to at least like him.
Even worse, today was the day he promised he’d tell his own parents. Unsettled and keyed up, he was running on the treadmill much harder than normal. The more he overthought about what his parents would say, the harder he ran. It was beginning to draw attention from Taehyung, Jungkook, and Namjoon, who were all working out at the same time.
Taehyung finished his set on one of the leg machines and got off so he could switch places with the leader, gesturing to Jimin with the quick tilt of his head, "What is he doing? We have a dance practice today. He's going to burn himself out."
Namjoon furrowed his brows, agreeing that this was most unlike him to do something like this. If they had dance practice on a given day, then he made sure he kept his gym activities lighter, more like a warm-up. Right now, it looked like he was training for a marathon. Something had still been a little off about Jimin over the past few weeks. This was just the latest example, and he was becoming more worried by the day.
Jungkook finished a set of pull-ups, "I'll go check on him."
The youngest wiped his dark brown, sweat-clung hair off his forehead and then dabbed off his face with his t-shirt. He made his way over to his panting friend, trying to get his attention.
Jimin took out an earbud when he thought he heard someone calling him. He turned his head to find a humored Jungkook standing there, "What's up?"
"You need to slow the fuck down," Jungkook said, "Don't kill those legs before practice."
"I'm fine," he puffed, "This is light."
"You've been at it for almost thirty minutes. That's double what you typically do before dancing. Come on, Jimin. You'll get all the cardio you desire in a few hours."
He had a point, so he hit the button for the machine to come to a halt. It was only when he became sedentary again that he realized how hard he had pushed his body. It felt like his chest was going to implode. He clutched his shirt over his chest, taking the other earbud out.
Jungkook stepped a bit closer and lowered his voice, "You okay, hyung?"
Jimin said nothing, too desperate to catch his breath. All he could do was nod, but it did little to convince.
The weight was coming down on him. Abruptly, he got off the treadmill and walked out into the hallway, not even stopping to take a drink of water. His heart and mind were both racing. He couldn't take it anymore - he might as well just give them a call now. Rip the bandaid off.
He took the elevator up to the eighth floor, where the private studio rooms were. Yoongi, Jin, and Hoseok might have been in theirs, so he opted for the one that was open for general use. He thanked his lucky stars that this was taking place before work hours, so there was no outside party there to see him looking this distraught. All he had to do was avoid the eyes of the managers, who were likely already in their offices.
He pressed the access code into the pad on the wall with a hasty index finger. Once inside the four soundproof walls, the door locked automatically behind him.
There was a desk set up against the wall with a couple of monitors and a swivel chair. He sank into the chair and took a pause, staring his mother’s contact on the phone. Breathing finally slowing down, he cleared his throat and forced himself to push the button against his own wishes.
He put the phone to his ear and listened to it ring four times, before his mother’s sweet voice.
“Jimin?”
He gulped, “Hey, Mom. How are you?”
“What’s wrong?” she asked him immediately. A mother knew her child, and she certainly could detect the nervousness in his voice, no matter how hard he was trying to sound normal.
There was no point in lying to her, “Nothing’s wrong, per se. But I do need to tell you and Dad something really important. Is he around?”
“Sure, honey. One second.” she said before calling his father’s name in the background.
Jimin’s knee was bouncing up and down as he tapped his foot. The time was fast approaching.
“Hey,” his father’s voice joined in, “How are you, son?”
“I’m alright Dad. I need to tell you guys something and I don’t necessarily know how to do it,” he smiled anxiously, “Um…Yeah, I really have no idea how to do this.”
His mother used a soft, caring tone, “You can tell us. You said it was nothing bad, right?”
“Well, that’s the thing,” Jimin sighed, reclining back in the chair, “To me it’s not, at least not anymore. But it’s probably going to upset you.”
“That’s most unlike you. You know you can tell us anything.” His father said.
He nodded, starting to work up the courage he needed, “I know, I know…Okay, I just have to do it. Do you both remember me telling you about the girl I’ve been seeing, Y/N?”
“Yes,” his father said wearily, “I think I know where this is going. Son, please tell us you didn’t propose to this girl without introducing her to your mother and me first.”
“What? No, it’s not that. But we’ve been seeing each other for a year now and things have gotten pretty serious…really serious actually,” Jimin coerced the words out of his mouth, “She’s pregnant.”
The air went dead. On the other end of the line, his parents were utterly stunned. Their silence was making him writhe. He went from leaning back in the chair to bending forward, doubled over with his elbows on his knees.
He pushed his free hand back into his hair, “I know this comes as a shock. I’m sorry. It just sort of…happened.”
His mother came back instantly with a voice full of worry and sternness, “Babies don’t just happen, Jimin. You weren’t being careful.”
“How long have you known about this? And are you certain it's yours?” his father inquired. Jimin could tell he was fuming.
“About a month,” he admitted, “She’s nine weeks along, and yes, it's mine. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys sooner. We wanted to wait until the first ultrasound to make sure things were okay, plus it’s just been a lot to deal with.”
The concerned and aggravated woman laughed out of bewilderment, “Of course it’s a lot, honey. It’s a baby. I hope you have gotten a plan together by now. Are you going to be able to co-parent with her? How will this all work?”
He wanted to shrink into oblivion, “I honestly have no idea, Mom. And I know that’s not what you want to hear, but Y/N and I will figure it out.”
His father’s tone was the slightest bit gentler, “At the very least, can you tell us you are committed mother of your child?”
He answered quickly, wanting to appease them with something they’d actually want to hear, “We are deeply committed to each other and to being good parents together. I love her. This is the first relationship I’ve had that has grown slowly over time and I think that makes it different. She really knows me, all of me. And I know her.”
His mother sighed, “I’m glad you’ve developed strong relationship and that she makes you happy, but love alone doesn’t make for good parenting. You need a plan, Jimin, especially with your career. Stability is everything for a child.”
Finally, a chance for him to vent, “I know, that’s been the hard part. I feel like I’m failing them both every time I pretend that we aren’t together. No one even knows we’re seeing each other, and if they did, she’d get fired. How can I offer them stability if the options are to either keep it all a secret or to expose it and upheave our whole lives with a scandal?”
“Your life has already been upheaved, son,” his father said, “Becoming a father is the biggest change you will ever undergo, whether you are an idol or not. And it disappoints me to hear you call this a 'scandal'. Your son or daughter is not a scandal. Now I’m not thrilled with this news, but if you are going to make this work, you need to stop that kind of thinking.”
“He’s right,” his mother said, “Both of you must accept the repercussions of this, even though a lot of it will sting. Anything less would be putting yourselves over this child."
As embarrassing as this conversation was, their guidance was something he had been starving for. They had a way of giving clarity amid the disarray.
Deep down, he knew this would have to come to light someday - you'd both acknowledged that multiple times already. But now he had a different perspective:
The inevitable reveal didn't have to be scary if it was seen as a necessity for this baby's wellbeing. It was something that had to be done for the sake of raising a child with as much normalcy and steadiness as possible. Otherwise, his or her life would be nothing but secrecy and isolation. The thought of his child feeling like a burden that needed to be hidden away sent shivers down Jimin's spine. If the way to prevent that turmoil was to face the fire, then he would do it.
"Yeah," he nodded, "I needed to hear that. Thank you, even though I know this news isn't a talk you ever wanted to have with me. I'm sorry this disappoints you."
"We wish you'd been more careful," his mother sighed, "But your father and I love you and we will always do what we can to support you. It seems like you have hard months ahead of you, but being a parent comes with unimaginable sacrifices. If you can face them, it will be worth it."
The middle-aged man concurred before adding to the sentiment, "And we have no doubt that you have it in you to be a wonderful father, Jimin."
Unexpectedly, emotion consumed him. To hear that from his own dad meant more than he could have anticipated. He'd been torn up in a never-ending pendulum swing ever since finding out, going back and forth between excitement and fear. Such assurance from an outside party had been a missing piece.
Choked up but not quite crying, Jimin bit the inside of his cheek and then grunted, "Thanks, Dad. Thank you both. I love you guys and I want you to meet Y/N sometime soon. You'll adore her."
He couldn't see it, but his mother was starting to smile, "You really love her, don't you?"
"She's something else," he cleared the inner corners of his eyes with his thumb and index finger, "You'll see it after a only minute of talking to her...I did."
“And you said there’s already been an ultrasound,” she said, “Is everything going okay so far?”
He found himself unable to hold back a small grin, “Yeah, it’s going well. Y/N's been pretty under the weather lately, but she was told it's all normal."
"We will look forward to meeting her," his father said, "We will work out a day to come by. In the meantime, just bear what we've said in mind and take time to plan the next steps."
"I will.”
Both parties then said their goodbyes and hung up. Jimin set his phone on the desk and put his arms behind his head, inhaling and exhaling deeply. It was over with. He’d made it over that hurdle, and it went better than he thought.
He walked out of that studio room in much better spirits than when he went in. Even though he was due at practice in a couple hours, he went back down to the floor on which he started this morning. There were showers available for use, and he felt like he needed a rinse, feeling cold from the drying sweat.
On his way to the showers, he grabbed his bag, which contained a change of clothes for practice. It was waiting for him along the wall in the workout room. Thankfully, the other members were gone when he re-entered the gym, having finished their warm-ups.
It only took him a few minutes to rinse off, refreshing his mood. He washed his body while leaving his hair dry. When he came out, he changed into cargo sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He felt most comfortable rehearsing in baggy garments, allowing his body the maximum range of motion.
He folded his dirty workout gear and packed it away in the bag, then slipping into some sneakers and heading back upstairs to get something to eat. That’s where he figured he’d find the others, eating one of the private common areas.
On the way back up, he noticed some employees making their way into their respective offices. The workday was beginning. It made him think of you and how you might have been feeling that morning, not just physically, but emotionally in the aftermath of calling your parents. He decided to send you a quick text, asking how you were. He knew he would be seeing you after their rehearsal - you and Chaeyoung were coming in to take the guys' initial measurements for the tour concept.
Right as he hit send and rounded a corner, someone bumped into him. His grip on his phone slipped and it was knocked to the floor screen-down. Luckily, it turned out to be Jungkook.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Jimin sighed, "Wasn't looking."
Jungkook chuckled, rubbing his shoulder, "All good. I was just coming to look for you. You don't have to tell me what you're stressing about, but I know there's something and I'm going to make sure you at least eat, so come on."
He appreciated the concern, and it was valid, though he would hate to admit it. Jimin could forget to eat sometimes when experiencing strife.
Then Jungkook's eyes went to the floor, noticing that he'd accidentally caused it to fall. He crouched down to retrieve it, making the older internally panic and rush to get to it first. Unfortunately, his friend beat him to it. Innocently wanting to make sure the screen hadn't cracked, Jungkook turned it over.
The screen hadn't yet locked. He could see the text thread between Jimin and his new girlfriend and it made him smirk as he stood up, prepared to unleash some good-natured teasing.
Jimin’s stomach felt like it could have fallen out of his body. He tried to snatch it back, but it only made matters worse. It only confirmed that there was something to hide. With alarmed eyes, he surveyed their surroundings to make sure no one was seeing this.
Jungkook’s brows became furrowed as he scrolled a bit. It was nosy, sure, but he had to know what his brother was hiding. It was painfully clear that something wasn’t right. What he read made no sense to him, but then he saw a black and white photo.
The millisecond he realized, his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets. Jimin went rigid. He could feel his pulse in his throat.
It was nothing less than a blessing that Namjoon suddenly appeared, startling the youngest member into locking the phone and handing it back to its owner.
The two remained stuck in some form of telepathic eye contact. With a baffled gaze, Jungkook’s face was screaming out the question. Jimin had his lips pressed together and jaw tight, eyes begging him not to say anything.
The leader looked back and forth between them, “Hello? Everyone good?”
Jungkook realized his hands were tied. He couldn’t simply obliterate this giant beast of a secret out in this public hallway. He nodded his head, “Y-Yeah, all good.”
The panicking member was caught red handed. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, faking an unperturbed smile, “We’re fine. He just came to see if I was coming to eat.”
Namjoon wasn’t buying it. This was the last straw. Jimin wasn’t okay. There was something he wasn’t being open about. Even so, this wasn’t the time or place, “Yeah, come eat with us. You had a long run.”
As a threesome, they headed into the room that held the other members, all snacking on energy-packed foods to fuel them later on. Jimin joined them, but had no appetite whatsoever. His mind was too preoccupied with trepidation to send hunger signals. Jungkook knew the biggest secret he'd ever kept from any of them. He needed to do whatever he could to ensure he wouldn't divulge.
During the dance practice, he wasn't nearly as focused. He and Jungkook kept making eye contact in the mirror, breaking one another's concentration repeatedly. It made the rehearsal drone on, as they kept messing up the choreography. One wanted a code of silence, while the other felt like he needed to shout.
The physical labor ended after a couple of hours. When it was done, the members had a quick breather to cool off. After about fifteen minutes, you and Chaeyoung entered the room with your measuring tapes draped from your necks. Whenever you and Jimin were in the same room at work, you both made conscious efforts not to pay special attention to each other. The other members took stock of how good the two of you were at hiding your feelings.
However, when Jimin noticed you walking over to Jungkook to take his measurements, he couldn’t stop himself from looking.
You smiled at the man, who looked somewhat perplexed by you, “Hey, Jungkook. How are you?”
His eyes darted from Jimin and then back to you, “Uh, great, Y/N…How are you feeling? I mean, how are you?”
Unbeknownst to you, your boyfriend’s stern gaze shot upon him for that slip of the tongue.
You took the tape measure off your neck and began to wrap it around his torso, “Not too bad. Busy these days. I hardly have time for anything else.”
“I’m sure you are,” he said, well aware that Jimin was listening, “But even if you’re busy, it’s important to still make time for other things in life, like friends. Friends are so important, you know? I bet they’d be able to help you cope with whatever you’re struggling with, but only if you reach out. If you don’t, then what’s the point of even having them?”
It wasn’t a message directed toward you. The intended recipient, however, got the message loud and clear, and it vexed him. What did he think he was doing, using you to prove a point like that?
While making note of his measurements, you looked at him, lost, “Um, yeah. I guess that’s true.”
It was awkward, but there wasn’t much time to ponder about it. You and Chaeyoung had to get this information down quickly, before the guys had to run off somewhere else. She was busy taking Yoongi’s.
When you were done with Jungkook, you moved on to Jimin, only because you had to move quickly and Chaeyoung looked like she was going to do Taehyung’s next. He was the closest to you, so he was the natural next in line.
You grinned at him, “Hi.”
As was routine, he lifted his arms a bit so you could measure his midsection. You were already paying close attention to the tiny numbers on your tape when he greeted you back, shooting Jungkook a glare, “Hey.”
He thought about whispering a warning to you about the current situation, but decided not to. It would only freak you out.
Instead, he asked as you removed the tape from his torso and wrapped it around his biceps, “Did you get my text?”
Even though he kept his voice low, you hesitated to answer, “Yeah. I’m alright, just a little…bummed.”
The look on your face told him you were far more than bummed, “I called mine earlier.”
Your stomach did a flip, but you played it off as if you were having a casual conversation, using a muted voice, “How did that go?”
Jimin shrugged, smiling softly, “Honestly, not bad. I’ll tell you about it later.”
You nodded, recording his updated measurements on your notepad. In light of his parents' wisdom, your unwillingness to indicate that you were involved with him upset him. He wasn't frustrated with you personally, but with the situation itself. It crashed into him like never before - his love, the mother of his child, had to pretend she hardly knew him. And although he knew the reasons, it truly disturbed his conscience for the first time.
When you and Chaeyoung had collected all that you needed, you left. Yoongi and Namjoon went up to their studios to write, Hoseok following suit to record a demo. Taehyung and Jin went to a vocal lesson.
Jimin and Jungkook remained in the room together, much to the dismay of both. The former was firmly planted in one spot with no idea what to say or do. He wanted to rebuke the younger for speaking so candidly and thoughtlessly with you - that was far too hazardous for his comfort. Yet, he was at a loss. How could he be one to talk, when it had just been revealed that he'd been keeping something so enormous from them all?
Jungkook looked around the room, hands on his hips. The quick survey assured him that no one would hear them. He shook his head, tone surprisingly calm, "Hyung, I'm begging you to be honest now. I swear, if you try to squirm your way out of this I will kill you."
The older accepted his fate, but this place was nowhere near secure enough to have this discussion.
"Is Y/N-"
"No," Jimin stopped him, frazzled and alarmed, "Don't finish that question yet. I'll tell you everything, just not here. Please."
His eyes were so desperate that they bent the will of the other man. Jungkook pursed his lips together, annoyed to hell and back but still understanding, "Fine. Your place, then. Now."
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Both men tossed their bags by the door once they got into Jimin's apartment, one out of aggravation, and the other with dread.
Not a word was spoken as they naturally gravitated toward the living room. Jimin waited to see where Jungkook was going to sit, so that he could sit opposite of him.
Both men got settled into a seat, wondering how this conversation was going to go. They were silent for a brief moment, collecting themselves so they could speak like adults.
Jungkook leaned forward, letting his forearms rest on his thighs. He was biting his tongue, giving it his all to approach this matter calmly, even though he was irate. He wanted to believe it wasn't true. There was no way Jimin could have done something like this, nevermind keep it from all of them. If this was what had been going on with him all that time, then he had to have known for a while. It would have been weeks of dishonesty - all those times he told them nothing was the matter.
The younger inhaled through his nose, "I feel like I don't even need to ask it now. We both know the topic at hand. Just tell me."
Jimin nodded for a moment without saying anything, looking anywhere but in his friend's eyes, "She's pregnant."
It was one thing to have seen the sonogram, but it was quite another to actually hear it come from his mouth. Jungkook pinched the bridge of his nose, "How far along is she?"
"Nine weeks," he replied, "I found out the night before we went to Jin's."
"So you have known for a while," Jungkook's suspicion was confirmed, "Why didn't you tell us sooner, hyung? God, this is...this is fucking huge."
The older huffed, throwing his hands up in irritation, "I don't know, maybe because this has been a crazy time for me and Y/N. I mean, put yourself in my shoes. Would your first priority be telling everyone? We have been literally just trying to make it through each day."
Jungkook took a deep breath, collecting his emotions. If the situation was reversed, Jimin would be nothing but supportive. He had to be smart about how he reacted to this news.
"Look," he said with a softening tone, "I didn't mean it that to come off like a judgment. I'm sorry. It's just, as your friend, I wish you'd have come to us sooner. We've been watching you struggle for the past weeks, wondering what was wrong with you. You had us convinced for a few days after telling us that you and Y/N were official, but then your strange behavior didn't go away. And to learn that this is the reason...it's a lot to take in."
Jimin dropped the defensiveness, leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms over his stomach in some sort of self-embrace, "Believe me, I know."
"How are you doing with it?"
He shook his head a bit and let a minuscule smile break onto his face, "That's the thing I can't figure out. I don't think there's a general feeling. There have just been moments. When I'm with Y/N, I'm mostly happy about it. I feel like I wouldn't want to have a kid with anyone else. The fear creeps in when I think about everything else - our careers as BTS, the fact that she will probably get fired over this. The thought of becoming a dad doesn't scare me nearly as much as the consequences that will come from this."
For the second time that day, he became emotional. He tried to keep it concealed, but the crack of his choked voice gave it away, "I'm terrified that she will lose it all because of this. I hate that having my baby might ruin her career. I hate that for now, I have to convince the world that I'm not in love with the woman who is carrying my child. I-I can't be there for her like a real partner. I had to miss the ultrasound, and I didn't get to hear my kid's heartbeat, because I had to be at work. And I hate that when this all eventually comes to light, there will be a media frenzy on her, on me, and probably on all of you too."
A few tears started to roll down his cheeks and he buried his face in his hands, sniffling. Jungkook reflexively stood up and went over to him. He sat on the very corner of the chair and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, "Let it out. It's okay."
Jimin broke, "Everything negative in this situation has to do with me! It all traces back to the career I worked so hard to have! They always say there's a cost to fame, and we've all experienced that, but I don't know. I just never thought about this cost."
Jungkook rubbed his back, "I agree that it's your career, but don't equate that to you personally."
"How? I'm the one that chose it."
"But you just said it yourself - you never thought about this cost. That's no reason to beat yourself up," He said, "No one ever fully grasps the downsides to fame until they have it."
Jimin was settling down now, removing his hands from his wet face and drying it with his t-shirt, "It's hurting Y/N. She's been trying so hard to tell me that she's accepted the reality, but I can see it behind her eyes, Jungkook. She'll grieve the loss of her job, and I don't even want to think about her enduring all the scrutiny she will have to face."
"She has you," Jungkook offered a reassuring grin, "Now, I don't know about her family, but I know yours. They will support both of you wholeheartedly. And you'll have all of us too. You just need to tell the rest of the members."
Jimin nodded, "I know, you're right. Both of our families know now. There's no reason not to tell them. Just give me a few days to work it out with Y/N. I can't break the news without letting her know."
The younger man concurred, "That's understandable, but for your own good, consider doing it soon. I think it will take a lot of the pressure off your back, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the support."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you're our brother. We will help you make it work. And you're going to be a dad. That makes us uncles, doesn't it?" Jungkook chuckled, "There's a cause for excitement in all of this."
Jimin broke into a small laugh, "I didn't think about you all being uncles. Don't know whether it's heartwarming or concerning."
"Only time will tell," Jungkook smirked, "So when's this little Park coming?"
There was a flutter in his chest at the nickname, "The doctor said January eighth."
"And everything's looking healthy so far?"
He hummed, "Yeah. Apparently, the heartbeat was unusually strong for his or her age. That made me oddly proud."
Jungkook nudged him playfully, "I mean, it only makes sense, considering how fit you are. Your sperm's probably the healthiest known to man."
He laughed harder this time, turning to give him a jestful smack on the arm. Jimin felt better now. Not great, but better. When the laughter died down, he breathed in deeply and let it out, “God, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. When I said our parents know, I meant we’ve only just told them. Mine found out this morning.”
“Shit,” the other patted him twice on the back, “How did they take it?”
“You know my mom and dad - they weren’t leaping for joy, but it wasn’t awful. It ended on a good note,” he shrugged, “I just feel like this day is giving me whiplash.”
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You got into the elevator in your apartment complex, letting your head rest against the back wall as it carried you up to your floor. You had a headache and had used up the last of your over the counter painkillers. Jimin likely had some, so you figured you’d eat dinner and then go to his place.
You felt like a towel that had been wrung out, twisted and squeezed of all energy and substance. You were desperately spent. The only thing keeping you fully present, ironically, were your mood swings.
If something didn’t go according to plan at work, you felt like you wanted to punch a hole in the wall, or cry, or both. Those were the lows. On the other end of the spectrum were short bursts of sexual urges. You prayed that you’d hidden it well enough while you were measuring Jimin earlier. Getting to touch him and examine his body like that didn’t do you your raging hormones any favors.
You put your key into the lock of your door and turned it, hearing the latch open up. Then you got inside and immediately wanted to vomit, not as a side effect, but out of shock.
The lights were on, and there were two faces sitting in your living room that you hadn’t seen in a while.
Speechless for a moment, you dropped your bag and froze in your tracks, “M-Mom? Dad?”
They got up from the couch while you remained rooted in place. Your mother was the first to give you a hug, but you barely embraced her back, far too confused.
“Hi, sweetie,” she sighed, “How are you feeling today?”
Your father hugged you next, “It’s been forever since we’ve seen you.”
You were shocked. Not even twenty four hours prior, these people were scolding you and telling you how disappointed they were in you. You stared at them, totally discombobulated. Your head was pounding so hard that you felt it in the back of your eyeballs.
“What are you both doing here?” You asked, brushing past them both and going into your quaint little living room. You needed to sit.
Your parents turned around and followed you back to their original places on your sofa. You were tucked into an armchair that was perpendicular to it.
Your mother leaned on the arm of the sofa towards you, eyes full of a lukewarm concern, “We came to have a much calmer discussion about this.”
Bringing your knees up to your chest, you asked, “You came all the way here just for that? How did you even get in?”
“You gave us a copy of your key when you moved in, remember?” your father replied, “Anyway, we aren’t happy with how we reacted to the news yesterday. We’re sorry we resorted to anger.”
Your mother sighed, “We love you, Y/N. And we realize that you are a grown woman now who can make her own choices. But as your parents, we ask that you please listen to what we have to say.”
You nodded hesitantly, “O-Okay…”
She continued, “We are worried that you aren’t considering the enormity of this, and the risk you are taking by placing so much trust in this man.”
You felt a twinge of exasperation, having had a sneaking suspicion that it was going down this route.
It must have shown on your face, because your father looked a little indignant, “Your mother is right. It appears as though you aren’t thinking this through. We don’t want to see you get hurt. Park Jimin is one of the most famous men in the world. He took advantage of you, as his type often does.”
You felt like you could have spat, “He did not take advantage of me in any way. Neither of you know him well enough to assume that about him. Jimin is a good man.”
“You are a stylist at his agency,” your mother scowled, “He knew that your position would make it impossible to disclose your relationship without putting your career on the line. He used you for his own pleasures, knowing you’d never say anything to anyone.”
Your father cleared his throat and looked down, unable to imagine his daughter fornicating with anyone, let alone a member of a global sensation like BTS. A man who had women practically falling at his feet wherever he went.
Your hormones made your reaction sharper. They were talking about the man you loved, the father of your child - denigrating him to the level of a scumbag and a womanizer, "You're both so wrong about him...I don't even know what to say. I told you already, we've been together for a year. If he'd had enough of me at any point, it would have been easy for him to toss me aside, but he hasn't. I know it's not what anyone would have envisioned, but he...he loves me. And I love him."
"We aren't here to argue over whether he loves you, Y/N," he said, "Our point is that he knows damn well how his job works. He's been perfectly willing to hide you away like some impropriety all this time. What makes you so sure he won't do the same thing with you and this baby?"
"Because he-"
You paused and closed your eyes, not wanting to finish your sentence for the sake of not sounding naive. They had you cornered and you hated it.
"Because he what?" your mother looked at you with sympathy, like you were some poor foolish girl, "Because he told you so? What good are words without action?"
You were so upset and exhausted that you felt tears prick your eyes. You looked down, "It's not that simple, Mom. In this case, action will cost me my job and who knows what else. We haven't figured much out yet, but I think we both deserve some credit for being committed to this anyway. We could have easily decided not to go through with this, but we did because we are dedicated to each other."
Your father put his hands on his knees, "And even if that is true, how will he ever be able to be there for you? I won't have my little girl stuck raising a baby alone while he galivants around the world and across every red carpet that would have him."
An angry tear rolled down your cheek, "He's not like that. I don't know how else I can convince you guys. Jimin understands the importance of being present."
"He missed the ultrasound." he said.
You shook your head, eyes closed, "Only because it was right after we found out and it was too late to change plans."
"Then will he plan on being at the next one?" your mother asked, crossing her arms.
You hugged your knees to your chest, "Yes, he will. We have a date scheduled in August."
She raised her brows, "You're telling us he will show up to a public doctor's office and risk exposing this?"
"W-Well, no. It's going to be at his apartment."
Your father scoffed, "You see? He's going to keep you and this baby a secret."
You were seething, "You know what? Yes, we are going to keep this a secret for as long as we can, because neither of us needs the media storming us while we're still trying to figure out our lives. Who would want to put themselves through that? But we've already agreed that it can't last forever - we just haven't worked out when we will take the step to tell the company and make an announcement."
Your mother reached out and put her hand on your knee, "Sweetie, we're trying to look after you, and our grandchild. We want you both to have a stable home environment."
"Well then what do you suggest we do?!" you shook out of her touch by standing up out of the chair, "It's clear that you guys won't be satisfied either way. We could keep it a secret forever or we could go public today - you'll continue to believe that he won't be there for me and that this is all a bad idea. So what? Would you rather me get an abortion or something?"
They were silent, looking at each other. You were a horrible mix of furious and embarrassed. It wasn't your intention to get so heated. You stubbornly defended your relationship, but you couldn't deny that their concerns were valid. You thought about the child in your belly. If you were standing in your parents' shoes, you'd probably have reservations too.
Then your mother looked back at you. She stood up and placed her hands on your upper arms, tone subdued, "We want you to move back home."
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You were wiping tears from your eyes as you drove. It was dark outside now. Your parents got back on the road, and you followed suit. As you passed under every traffic light, you kept telling yourself to hold out just a little longer. You'd be there soon.
After pulling into the lot and parking your car, you glanced to your left, where the green-wrapped present sat in the passenger seat. Sniffling, you dried your eyes one last time and grabbed it, taking it with you into the building. You were walking with a quick gait, anguished and itching for some comfort. Fortunately, the gift in the box had the potential to bring you the solace you needed.
You took the same elevator as normal. When you reached the door, you fumbled in your pocket for the key, balancing the gift box on your thigh momentarily.
The door opened, and you heard something in the kitchen. He typically ate dinner around this time. When you appeared, he seemed delighted, but then he noticed the slight puffiness of your eyes. It was a confusing sight - you standing there upset while holding a gift.
"Hey," he put his wooden spatula down and turned down the heat on the stove so that his fried rice wouldn't burn, "What happened, sweetheart?"
He gave you a kiss on the cheek and searched the features of your face as you sighed, "Hi. I just had the longest, weirdest day."
You placed the gift down on a nearby stool and finally let yourself melt into his arms. Jimin kissed the top of your head repeatedly, "I did too."
You pulled your head off of his chest so you could look at his eyes. He was giving you an assured smile, but you still wanted to know what went on, "How come?"
His lips found your forehead before he brought you into his loving hold again, "Well, as you know, I told my parents about the baby, and then Jungkook found out by accident."
This time, you drew away from the hug completely, "Wait, say that again?”
Jimin scratched the back of his neck, “Yeah. I dropped my phone and he saw the sonogram photo.”
He saw how worried you looked and smiled, taking your hands loosely, “Don’t worry, he’s not going to tell the others. But this probably means we need to come clean soon.
You nodded, “Yeah, we should. I know it’s been hard for you keep it from them.”
“It has, but that’s a conversation for later. Tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been crying.” His eyes were plagued with distress.
“I…” you didn’t know how to start, “I got home from work and my parents were there.”
He dropped your hands, “What?”
You put you hand to your forehead, “Ugh, my head is killing me. Yeah, I walked in the door and they were just sitting waiting for me.”
Without you having to ask, Jimin turned around and headed to one of the cabinets, where he kept any medicines. As he prepared a glass of water for you to take the pills, he felt a pit in his stomach. This didn’t sound good.
“Were they that upset about yesterday?” he asked.
You took the glass of water when he offered it to you, holding out your hand to receive the capsules, “Not exactly. They came to have a better discussion about it…Only it didn’t really go that way.”
“Ah,” the hurt on his face was clear, “They still think it’s a bad idea, huh?”
There was no way you were going to elaborate on all that they said. You didn’t want to damage his feelings any further. You merely nodded, “I’m afraid so, but it’s more than that. They want me to move back home.”
He had only just started to stir his dinner on the stove again when he ceased any movement. The pit in his stomach deepened into an abyss, eyes leaking with dread as he looked at you, “But they live on the other side of the country, right?”
He couldn’t lose you. If you left, you’d be taking his child with you. And then what? How would you be able to stay together as a couple with that amount of distance? Everything you’d built over the past twelve months could crumble.
You saw how alarmed he was by the prospect and put him to ease immediately, “Yes, but I’m not going of course.”
He put his hand over his heart and exhaled, shaking his head a little, “God, please open with that next time instead of letting me think the worst.”
“Sorry,” you smiled softly before recounting their reasoning, “They say it would be best for me and the baby. I’d quit my job and live with them for a while. They think it’s the only way to guarantee a secure home environment.”
His expression could have broken your heart, and it was only scratching the surface of what your parents had said to you. Jimin kept stirring the rice, turning the heat back up a little bit. You knew him well enough to see that his avoidance of eye contact was due to a wound.
You took off your shoes and tossed them back by the door before coming to wrap your arms around him. Your cheek made its home on his sturdy back, "I'm sorry. They just don't know you yet. They haven't seen what this really is."
He sighed, his shoulders slouching. "I know. That's why I want to meet them and you to meet mine. I understand why your parents feel the way they do. And I know you're leaving a lot out to spare my feelings. That doesn't make it fun to hear, but I get it."
You held him tighter, "Then we'll find a time to meet each other's. Maybe even at the same time."
Jimin let out a subtle chuckle at the notion, and then went back to serious, "And you? Do you still believe that I can provide a secure home environment?"
You stopped hugging him, instead joining him at his side, leaning against the counter so that you could look him in his eyes, "I've had a little while to think about it. I think that the environment this baby enters will never be a normal one. You could quit BTS right now and the fame will always follow you. That automatically makes for an abnormal upbringing. But that doesn't mean we can't do things to mitigate that, and that doesn't mean we can't raise a healthy, happy child. Above all, it doesn't mean he or she will lack security. Jimin, you're one of the most loving people I've ever known."
A hint of a grin began to form on his lips. You put your hand on your still flat tummy, "Whoever is in here will feel your love and support every day. Because that's just who you are."
His smile became a little bigger, "'Who I am' feels more complete whenever you're around. Thank you."
You pushed yourself from the counter and craned your neck upward so you could kiss him, "You're welcome. Now did you make any extra for me? I haven't eaten yet."
He smirked and pecked your lips once more, "Yes, there will be enough. Grab a couple bowls, it's about done."
He dished out the meal for two and you ate in the living room, sitting on the floor and using the coffee table as the surface. It tasted like heaven to you, but you were mindful to eat it slowly for the good of your gut.
"Mm," Jimin's eyes went wide suddenly, "I didn't tell you about my parents."
You swallowed, "Oh, right. How was that?"
"Like I said earlier, not bad. They were shocked and I got chided a little bit, but I hung up feeling a deeper sense of purpose," he explained, "And I want to share it with you if it's alright."
You were intrigued by the uptick in his mood, "Yeah, please."
"They made me realize that I, and possibly the two of us together, have been so terrified to tell the company because of the consequences to ourselves. But those consequences are necessary if we want what's best for our child, so we don't have to see it as some horrible doom coming our way," he studied your face to see if it was making sense, "All I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't see it as this awful storm cloud hanging over our heads. That doesn't mean it won't be hard or painful for us, but we can at least take comfort in that we'll be doing right by our little one."
You smiled, "I like that way of thinking. You know, after seeing the ultrasound, I felt something of a bond form. I'd do anything if it meant he or she was saved from hurt, and I know we both agree that the secrecy would hurt."
Jimin nodded, "Exactly. You're such an incredible mother already, baby. I can't wait to have Doctor Yoon come here for the next scan. I hope I feel the same thing you did."
That reminded you - the gift.
"Oh!" you stood up, "One second."
He was puzzled for a moment, but then you re-entered the living room with the green present in your arms and an eager look on your face. When you first got here, he'd been so caught up trying to figure out what was wrong that he'd totally forgotten about this.
He grinned curiously, "Oh yeah, what's this for?"
You sat beside him on the floor and put it between the two of you, "For you."
He laughed, "But why?"
You shrugged, "You'll see when you open it."
He took one last bite of fried rice and then set his bowl aside. He removed the white bow first and then began to rip the paper off the box. His brows knit together as the item inside gradually became visible. You were pressing your lips together in anticipation.
When the wrapping was fully removed, Jimin read the outside of the box. Shortly, he was looking at you again, eyes spilling over with exuberance. You couldn't hold back the same expression.
You giggled at his speechlessness, "A fetal doppler, so you can hear the heartbeat."
"Y/N," he was beaming down at the box, "I don't even know what to say. Thank you."
You nodded, "I know you felt like you were missing out. With this, you can listen whenever you want. No need to wait for a doctor's appointment."
"Can we try it now?"
You grinned, "That's what I was hoping you'd say."
He shot up, taking the box and your hand with him. You laughed as you were tugged along into his bedroom. You both sat on the bed and he flipped his nightstand lamp on, giving the space adequate yet dim lighting.
You worked together to free the small machine from its encasing, discarding any extra wrappings. It came with a small monitor that would show the heart rate and had a button panel for volume control. It was attached to a cord with a wand at the other end. Separately was a tube of gel, similar to what Doctor Yoon used at your appointment.
It came with the right batteries inside, so all you had to do was turn it on and go for it.
You laid back on the bed, adjusting your pants so the wand could access the right location. You smiled and pointed at the tube of gel, "Okay, take a little bit of the gel and put it right here."
Jimin couldn't believe he was doing this, but he couldn't be more excited. He carefully squirted a good amount of the substance on your skin, "Now what?"
You giggled, "Just turn it on and use the wand to spread it around."
He found the power button on the side of the monitor and pushed it, making the small screen light up. Before placing the wand on your belly, he made sure the volume was turned up. Then he laid on his side next you you, head propped up resting in his palm.
When the wand first made contact with your skin, there was hardly any sound. Thankfully, it only took a few seconds of spreading the gel around to start to hear something.
Jimin's features were fully alert instantly. He found the right spot and held it there, enthralled by the pulsing sound. His lips parted slightly as he stayed in a state of motionless elation. When it finally began to register, he broke into a joyous smile, "Oh my God, there it is!"
You laughed, basking in his happiness, "It sounds just as strong as it was before."
The immense weight of the day was lifted from him. He leaned closer to your belly, keeping the wand in place, "H-Hi, baby. It's Daddy. I hear you now."
You were overflowing with adoration for this man. Once you saw his brown eyes glisten with gleeful tears, you began to get choked up as well. He couldn't help it. In fact, he didn't even realize it was happening until one streak came down his face. All that you'd both been through in the past month, and all that you would go through in the months to come - it would all be unimaginably rewarded when the owner of this precious heartbeat came into the world.
Jimin wiped the tear from his cheek and sniffled, turning his focus to you now, "Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you so much. This is…it means everything to me.”
You grinned contentedly, “It does for me too.”
The two of you listened some more. The thumping was persistent and even. You daydreamed in your own minds, alleviating yourselves of any stress, even if it was just for this one moment.
He laughed, “I can’t believe we made this little heart together. You might come to regret giving me this.”
“You love it that much, huh?” you giggled.
“I wont be able to get enough of it.”
“That’s okay,” you said, “It gives me an excuse to come over more often.”
He hummed at the idea, still intently focused on the sight of your exposed abdomen and the sound coming through the monitor. You then watched as his blissful smile faded, and his eyes fell into a contemplative state.
His voice sounded distant as the gears were turning in his mind, “Baby?”
“Yeah?”
“When is the lease on your apartment up?”
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erosjournal · 2 days ago
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Can u do a solangelo oneshot based on the song ‘lunch’ by billie Eillish, or ‘riptide’ by vance joy??
ofc luv ! here ya go :D
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☆ lady , running down to the riptide !
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~ nico di angelo x will solace
~ synopsis : will finally gets nico to go swimming in the ocean
~ tw(s): maybe ooc ? havent rlly written for solangelo much sooo
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"Nico, the water's completely fine, I promise." Will stuck his hands out, trying to coax a terrified Nico in the water.
"Hey!" He argued. "You can't promise that! As a child of the big three, Poseidon's probably waiting to strike me down." He groaned. Will sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Then I'll fight him."
"Really?"
"Really. Now, come in the water!" He said, smiling. Nico couldn't help but admire how the sun reflected off his boyfriend's blonde... more like golden... hair. The sun swam in his curls, and his tan body was covered in sunny freckles. Nico took a deep breath and stepped in, wading up to his ankles. Will seemed to take that as progress.
"Damn," Nico shivered. "This feels colder than hell," Will laughed.
"Isn't Hell supposed to be warm?"
"Depends on the person, I guess." Nico grumbled. Will waded out from being knee deep to meet Nico. Will reached a hand out, which Nico took hesitantly. Will swooped up Nico, bridal style, which caused a surprised yelp from him. "Will!"
"Relax, I've got you." Will assured, wading out deeper. Nico felt his face flush with embarrassment, and probably a slight sunburn, as Will carried him out farther. To be honest, the water wasn't as cold as he'd expected. And it felt fine being in his best friend's arms.
Maybe he'd have to have Will take him swimming more often.
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~ an : tysm for requesting ! sorry it took so long, i had a bit of school work and sickness to work over. i dont usually write for solangelo, so i hope it came out well ! also it's pretty short, maybe i'll write it longer in the future, but just for the christmas event, it'll have to be short :D
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jikooklove9795 · 6 hours ago
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With the news just of JKs series, which seems to be the film split from the trailer, just with extras, am I wrong to pray that we don’t get a documentary for Muse?
I just have this really bad feeling that Jimin would say something more unhinged than he did during the Bangtan bombs we got and the interviews with p dogg, when he said he couldn’t remember the last time he had a crush, that he was alone, and he couldn’t relate to the love songs. That telling the producers what he wanted for Who was like them reading his diary, basically that whole segment is sus, and technically debunked Jikook. I can imagine him saying he’s never been in love etc. I just know he would do that. We’ve got Jimin choosing Who, about not having love, and JK chooses all songs about being with the one you love, so I wasn’t worried about him saying anything, just Jimin.
I am wrong to feel this way? I pray every night for it not to happen
Hi Anon!
First I need to tell you this before I go further on explaining why MUSE, the album as a whole does nothing to debunk Jikook:
As much as I love celebrating Jikook's bond and relationship I'm not someone who has any kind of expectations from both Jimin and Jungkook. I won't demand them to behave a certain way so that I get the confirmation my ship needs. Having such kind of expectations is wrong and unfair to them.
Anon, I hope I don't sound condescending which is not my intention at all. I'm just saying this in your best interest. I hope you're able to take in the right spirit.
Now I'll share my views on why MUSE does not debunk Jikook.
MUSE is a conceptual album as opposed to FACE which was autobiographical. As stated by Jimin and the producers they were following a storyline for MUSE. Also, when it came to MUSE Jimin had so much to share, ideas to give and discuss while for FACE we didnt get that, did we? Since FACE was about his own life and the struggles he went through, he was hesitant and holding back not letting us know much about it. Which was not surprising knowing how serious he is about his personal life.
And something which I think you're forgetting is that Jimin is an artist. An artist who will experiment with his work and explore diverse genres in order to bring to the table different stories for the fans. Stories which fans also can relate to. Stories which aren't about his personal life and experiences. His work is not always going to be solely focused on his personal life. So, try to separate his work life from his personal life.
Also, taking into consideration his situation (his country, the industry he works in) its highly unlikely for him to say "Hey! Jungkook is my bf. We have been in love for a long time now". That's not gonna happen anytime in the near future. So, what we will be getting instead is "I'm single for as long as I can remember. I don't even know how having a crush feels like".
This is the exact reason why "Letter" gets passed off as a fan song in the general fandom. Cause Jimin is not in a position to say "Letter" is for Jungkook. That's a sad reality. But its for their own safety and well being. Which provides them a cover, a protection. The same cover cause of which they were able to enlist together. Which in my opinion is the most important for them, I mean being able to stay together rather than risk everything and expose themselves.
However Jimin did provide a few hints here and there for those who are willing to listen.
And an even BIGGER HINT with this one here:
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The billboard falling at the same time Jimin goes "Who's my heart waiting for". Someone whose facial structure is not that of a woman but of a man. A man with doe eyes. A man who stole his heart all those years ago. A man with whom he's happy and very obviously in love.
Have a nice day Anon!
Credits to the owner of the video
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tick-tack-bastard · 3 days ago
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[The two men look nervous. One of them holds a metal suitcase and is about to hand it over to the woman who's wearing a gun very visibly on her belt.
But before she can take it, the transaction is interrupted by a new person entering the stage.]
I see you already started without me?
[The deep, threatening voice with a cockney accent comes from somewhere behind the two men who look even more terrified when they hear it.]
Good evening, gentlemen.
[The voice continues in an almost mocking tone, and when its owner steps out of the shadows in between the men to put his arms around their shoulders and pull them a little closer - the intimacy clearly just making them more uncomfortable - it suddenly makes a lot of sense that they're so on edge. The man's face is one that John only knows from old photographs. It's that of the Deadliest Man Alive.
His face looks just as unrecognisable as his voice sounds, with the only familiar part of it being the look in his eyes. A blood lust that by now John has seen plenty of times on Owen, only that now, it doesn't seem like it's ever gonna leave his face.
Looking closely, one would notice that the Deadliest Man's proportions are just as long and lanky as Owen's, but he manages to look like he has a bulkier build just based on body language and the way he moves. Even knowing his true identity, the Deadliest Man looks nothing like Owen.]
You weren't here, I was, so I was gonna take the bomb.
[The woman still acts very carelessly, which makes Owen let go of the two men - one of them just exhales in in relief, the other one closes his eyes to whisper a short prayer - and walk towards her.]
Would you like to express your criticism towatds me?
[The woman doesn't pick up on the trap and just goes on.]
Well, if you're already asking, you could work on your timing. It doesn't look very professional to be late go an important meeting like this.
Oh, does it bother you that I am late? I am so sorry. I'll try to find a way that you won't be bothered by me in the future.
[She still doesn't pick up on the sarcasm, looking quite happy with herself. That is, until she suddenly has one of the Deadliest Man's machetes between her rips and collapses, dying.]
That should do it.
[The Deadliest Man wipes the blood off his blade on his dead henchman's clothes and then looks back at the gang members.]
Unless you also find me unprofessional that is.
[They both quickly shake their heads.]
N-no of course not!
"We wouldn't even dare to think so!"
[The lid comes off easily and reveals a yellow cube, barely smally than the box, inside it. Its surface is slightly transparent and reveals an orange maze-like structure underneath it. The moment it becomes visible, the factory building around John is replaced by endless Black, and mad laughter seems to be coming from everywhere.]
[Rather than immediately panicking, John sighs in annoyance. He looks around for any sign of life, calling out to see who will answer.]
Wiley? If this is your doing, it’s not terribly impressive.
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athenasdaydreams · 16 hours ago
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okay i should be studying for my bio final but i couldnt stop thinking of jj maybank asking kook!reader's parents for permission to marry you (still on s2 of outerbanks idk what happened after that....)
jj, at 23 years old, thinks its so archaic to ask your parents for permission to marry you. hes been thinking about it for months now. he would much rather pick you up and go over to a courthouse and get it done with. not a flashy type of guy. but, growing up rich, you had mentioned so many times about a dream wedding and who was he to deny his girl's wishes. youd mentioned it so many times, even going as far as sending him your wedding pinterest board after being inspired by sarah and john b's shotgun wedding (or rather in an effort to make sure jj didn't expect you guys to have a shotgun wedding).
sarah cameron wanted to be as much of a pogue as possible, while you were reluctant to give up your kook lifestyle of dior lipgloss and chanel handbags. that was exactly why after taking up a second job at the wreck, a loan from the bank, a third job cleaning some kook's boat, and another loan from the guy at the fishing store (he didnt know it yet but jj was sure he'd pay him back), jj stood outside your family's mansion with a gold band tucked in his back pocket, and some pictures of some houses he was looking at, ready on his phone. he felt like he'd been standing out there for hours. 'now or never, maybank,' he mumbled as he wiped his hands on his old faded blue jeans which had been paired with pope's white button up, knocking on the door.
the woman who opened up the door looked exactly like you, just about 40 years older. 'evening mrs l/n, i'm jj maybank, your granddaughter's boyfriend.'
after giving him a scrutinising once over, she said 'she's not here,' and attempted to close the door. jj made sure to tell her that he wanted to talk to your parents about something important, and she somewhat reluctantly let him in.
your mother was sitting on the couch, reading the latest edition of vogue (something he could picture you doing a few years in the future) while your father had presumably just gotten back from work, enjoying some expensive looking drink while talking to his wife about his day.
'mr and mrs l/n?'
both of them whipped their heads around and looked towards jj.
'jonathan?'
he was regretting ever telling you his full name, more so regretting letting you introduce him to your parents like that, during that one horrible dinner that ended with you and your mom crying and your dad and jj almost killing each other. as time passed, they stopped hating him so much, but some resentment remained.
'uh, jj is fine. listen, i gotta talk to you guys about something'
'you didn't get her pregnant did you?!' your father stood up, trying to intimidate him. what for, he didn't know.
'NO no i didn't! i promise!!' he said as he stood in front of them, reaching into his back pocket. 'I came here to ask for your permission to marry your daughter.' your mom looked like she was about to have a stroke and your dad was about to protest.
'listen, before you guys say anything, i want you to know that your daughter was the best thing to ever happen to me. i love her more than anything in the world and i would sacrifice everything, including my own life for her. i know you guys think i don't have the means to support her or give her the life she deserves and i agree. i'll never be able to give her the life she truly deserves but that doesn't mean i'll try. i've taken up 2 more jobs to buy her this ring and save up for a house- its really nice by the way, i have some photos-and i would take up all the jobs in the world just to give her the life she wants. so please, please let me marry your daughter,' jj said in what felt like one breath.
your father was shocked and your emotional mother was on the verge of tears.
"jj?"
at the sound of your voice, jj turned around to be met with your confused face. "i didn't know we had plans today... and why're you dressed like that?"
he turned to your father, who gave him the slightest nod, signalling him to approach you.
"i had a whole thing planned to do this, with dinner and candles 'n shit, but i feel like if i dont do this now im going to explode."
"jj, what do you mean? you're scaring me." you looked at him with concern, the poor boy looked like he was about to pass out.
he got onto one knee and held out the ring he had bought for you.
"from the moment I first saw you, I knew you were something special. you were unlike anyone else I’ve ever met. And now, standing here in front of you…I’m pretty damn sure that i wouldn't wanna spend my life with anyone but you."
your vision started blurring from the tears in your eyes.
"will you marry me?"
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thinkinonsense · 2 days ago
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little life update!
sorry i've been m.i.a for the past few days!! a lot was going on this past week. i had a funeral, the election, made a side blog @thee-midwest-princess which will just be a fun, more personal blog. i'll be back to fully writing soon but im not sure how much i'll be writing f x m fics because i've been dealing with my sexuality a lot lately and feel myself leaning more towards being a lesbian. i don't mind writing f x m relationships it's just irl i don't want that, yk? anyways, ill still finish up all my logan howlett fics and i'll still work on bewitched but i will be dipping more into f x f fics in the future. thanks for reading <3
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jellyj777 · 3 days ago
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04; Kiss? | THE PATIENT
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THE PATIENT | Book | Ch04;Kiss?
JungkookxReader (smut/fluff/angst)
— Falling in love with a patient in an asylum might not be everyone's tea but you had a thing to fix something you never broke at first place.
Words: 4.8k+
TROPES:: One sided hate, Therapist Au.
SYNOPSIS:: —"Don't trust me, Believe in me"
WARNINGS:: Talk about abuse, Violence ahead, explicit language, Anger issues
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Seok: I'm nervous as fuck, Y/N.
Seok: Send help T-T.
You chuckle at the emoticon he used. Silly funny guy.
You: It's not your first time, don't worry too much ffs.
You: Haven't you been doing this for like five years now?
Seok: So?! That doesn't mean I can't get nervous.
There are new interns at our place this for this meeting, like five or six more, definitely more than last time. True. New university students always join to get their internships to become future nurses or doctors but what confuses you is that why is Hoseok nervous?
Out of all the doctors in this place, you have never seen Hoseok nervous before well that is because he never is. He has always presented whenever these meetings happened and he was never nervous. Always smiley with his tone and words.
You: It's not your first time, stop worrying too much. We're all there for you, Seok. I'd be sitting in front.
Seok: You better be ready for my glare.
Seok: I'll be staring at you while explaining the crowd. Makes it easy ^_^
You roll your eyes and swing on the chair with your back slumped against the same, makes you curious of his topic. He didn't talk about it like he always does before the presentation.
You: Whatever, if that helps you then do so.
You: What's your topic anyways? Thought you've been researching for days now.
Seok: Bipolar Disorder
Seok: We got a new patient with it and I researched for the nurses to learn about the symptoms and stuff.
Bipolar Disorder. Good one and would help the nurses to learn more about the disease.
You: Oh that's cool. I'll see you in the meeting room.
You: You got this!!
<Seok liked a message you sent>
Seok: Thxx.
Seok: See u.
Putting your phone down, you get up from your seat to make your way out of the clinic. The clinic named under your name in the hospital designed with little things of yours just for the sake of your own mental health.
It's not easy to work in hospital especially as a nurse or a doctor. Especially when you can get slapped before by a patient, saying by the experience while you were working as a nurse doing mainly your internship. It's only been three years since you became a doctor in your department before that life, as a nurse, it wasn't easy at all.
Being a nurse in a mental hospital can be something which is risky for your own mental health too, you're surely aware of how stressful these types of meetings can be from a doctor's and a nurse's perspective. You remember the time when you were a nurse and Hoseok was one of the doctors back then.
He is always cheerful with the staff (the position of the staff doesn't matter) and made the place better than the emotional hell rollercoaster it was, but it amazes you how Hoseok is such a nice doctor even though he has witnessed a lot of bad stuff happening with his patients, done by the patients themselves.
Hoseok is one strong man that you know. Emotionally of course and on physical matters, it truly depends. You're aware how hard it can be to cope up with a patient's pain. Again, with experience.
He was the patient for you at that time. Left quite an impression on you to be honest.
A shrill like scream echoed in the hallway taking you out of your thoughts. The nurses rush towards the sound of the scream and with a frown, you follow along with the nurses. Not confused, just surprised at the sudden outburst. It wasn't uncommon to hear these types of shrills, screams, cries in the hospital building.
Many patients had different illnesses meaning that they have different hallucinations regarding the same. You walk past Jungkook's room who was looking out of the window with his one hand fiddling with elastic as he stretches the elastic out and another 'pop' sound in the room of his.
The sound of the elastic pop echoes. Not in the room but in his mind. Didn't even pay attention to the scream. Too busy with his own thoughts.
"Shit." You murmur and walk past the nurses to look at one of your patients who was laying on the floor with blood oozing of their wrist. "Bring the medic kit."
One of the nurses nod and rush away to bring the kit. Your hand wrapped around the wrist of the patient, mouth leaving comforting words that everything's gonna be fine.
Ji a. A patient who had ED. Suffered from the societal norms of getting fat-shammed in her early teens now in her late 20s has self-harm as her coping defense mechanism and is suffering from malnutrition.
Her other hand held the butter knife. It's actually phenomenal how some patients have found a way to do self harm without any materials provided to them.
You grab the butter knife and throw it away while one of the nurses clean up the wound and the other injects the injection through her forearm which makes her hiss. Ji a cried loud and clear letting you know she's in pain, in pain with the thing that she caused herself.
"It's fine, everything's gonna be fine..." your voice trails off in Ji a's mind, her head drops with a 'thud' on your lap, eyes closed and all the uneasiness washes away.
With a sigh, you get up after Ji a is safely tucked into bed and one of the helping hands walks in the mop to clean the blood from the floor.
"Doc. Mun, your coat..." The nurse points at your coat which had splash of bloods on it. Would leave a stain for sure but it was nonetheless than unusual. A little stain of blood is something every doctor is used to in here due to some of the patients.
"It's fine," you reassure and shrug it off but speak up again, "but what's not fine is that who forgot the butter knife."
The tension among the nurses infront of you rises as no one answers. "I just want to know who forgot it, no big consequences will be taken. Mistakes are tend to happen." You repeat, wanting the person who left the knife to admit without feeling scared, of course mistakes are tend to happen and a lesson should be taught so that it doesn't occur again.
Finally, a nurse steps in front, someone who you haven't seen before. You tilt your eyebrows upwards with a head tilt. "Was it you?" You ask. She nods.
"Everyone, make sure Ji a is fast asleep and check up the place again," You pause and point at the small closet beside the bed. "Make sure to check the cupboard, under the bed and anything that can help in self-harming should be removed."
The nurses nod and get to work, with squinted eyes you read the new nurse's name 'Sarah'. "And Sarah, please be at my office after checking up."
Sarah nods and waits for you to walk out. With a final look around the room, the other patient looking frightened by the encounter is now being comforted by the nurse. You walk out of the room to change your blood stained coat.
First time this week, new achievement for the year as it's Wednesday and it's only the first time blood got stained on your coat.
After changing your coat in the changing room for staff only, you make your way back to your clinic where Sarah was waiting out looking nervous, her gaze fixed on the pillar in front and wasn't even trying to look for you until your eyes meet. You gesture her to get in to which she nods, passes you a nervous smile, makes you reciprocate with your soft one.
The moment you both step, the awkward silence burns in the air, being the doctor you were and the senior one, it meant you're supposed to start the conversation. "I won't scold you," you start breaking the uneasiness and clear your throat. "Mistakes happen but you should be considerate with the choices you're providing for the patients."
Sarah nods, "I know, I'm so sorry, Doctor Mun. I just got transferred from a hospital to here and it's different. This is not an excuse for my behavior but it won't repeat again."
You're glad she took responsibility for her issue and it's normal to make mistakes. We're all just humans after all. "Um, I didn't know what illness was Ji a suffering from." She murmurs again quietly.
Your eyerbrows crease together, "What do you mean that you're not aware of what Ji a's suffering from?" You ask clearly confused by her statement. How can a nurse who is given a patient can't know the diagnosis of the patient.
"I mean, nobody told me. I'm telling you Doctor Mun, I'm new to the place." She pauses awkwardly fidgeting with her hands before she continues again not sure if the words she'll propose are correct. "I got transferred from a normal hospital with normal patients to this horrendous place."
"Horrendous? Excuse me." You scoff and fold your arms in front of your chest. Calling a helping hospital for patients who did not even want a specific diagnosis horrendous is crazy. This is not the correct vocab you'll use for this place.
At least not horrendous.
Sarah just shrugs her shoulders again looking uncomfortable for this conversation. "I said what I said, it's just new to me" She states again, staying stuck to her ground.
"Listen, I understand it's new to you but you cannot call a hospital — any kind — horrendous. Please improve your vocab cause I won't be tolerating this kind of language in a workplace where we are the helping hands for citizens. Understood?"
She nods, so you continue. "If you find this place being hard for you to handle please transfer to another hospital and the mistake that happened today should not be repeated. If you need any help with knowing some diagnosis, you can always come to my office, got it?"
"Yes, Doctor Mun." She nods again as you gesture her to leave with a small smile which she reciprocates and bows before leaving the room.
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The lights shut off in the presentation room with projector being the only source of light at the moment, Hoseok clears his throat with a smile, his eyes the room and ended up landing it at you just like he promised.
"Hello everyone," he starts. "I'm Doctor. Jung for many of you who are new to the department or are doing their internships in here for future doctors or nurses. This is the meeting room where the doctors will knowledge you about general topics which can help you to learn more about the patients, I'll be starting today by talking about Bipolar Disorder as mentioned in the slide of the presentation."
He points at the screen behind him with his hand, there were total of six nurses in the room with three new interns and three doctors including you. You sat beside Dr. Kim, eyes locked in the front with your focus on the presentation.
These meetings are basically for new people in the hospital or even the old nurses who want to learn more about mental health diagnosis. You were basically here to support Hoseok knowing he returns the favor by coming to your presentations too, you already knew about bipolar disorder but supporting your friend is more important in this situation.
"Bipolar disorder is something that society believes into happening with anger issues in someone. Yes, this can be right but there are different types of Bipolar diseases and not all of them occur due to anger issues." Hoseok clicks the 'enter' button on the keyboard as the slide moves to second page with ease.
The second slide contained of three partition graph of types of bipolar diseases; "Bipolar 1 is defined by maniac attacks which are last up to seven days which can severe in many cases leading the patient to be rushed to hospital." He speaks.
"How severe?" The previous nurse, Sarah asks just like before she looked genuinely confused. Not her fault to begin with, she had zero knowledge about mental health and her transfer here is something that is really funny in a way and you're sure Hoseok will give you the tea about her transfer later, that is making you curious in a way now.
"Very, that patients suffering from this specific type of diagnosis go through depressive and maniac attacks altogether." Hoseok replies as Sarah nods her and writes down in her notebook.
"The worst part about this specific type is that the person suffering from it can change their mood from being overly happy which can be included in mania," He points out so that the interns can write down. "and feeling overly down which can be categorized under depressive attacks."
"So, a person can feel happy and sad at the same time?" An intern asks.
"Yes and the emotions of roller coaster is so fast that the person doesn't even what's happening." He nods and moves to another slide, "The worst part is that the emotions of roller coasters are so high that people can even hallucinate or even get delusions."
"Hallucinations and Delusions? Can you give more specific example for this situation?" Sarah asks raising her arm as Hoseok nods back.
"People living with this disease can feel strange sensations like hearing or seeing something that was never there which is also known as hallucinations; They also seem to believe in irrational stuff which may seem irrelevant to other people. Also note down that this usually happens when a person is going through a maniac or depressive episode."
Sarah nods so Hoseok continues, "A person with bipolar may be unaware that they going with a maniac phase or episode which means, they might be shocked after their phase is over or would mainly not believe people that they actually did something like that. It sound surreal to them basically."
A nurse raises her hand as Hoseok points after to speak, "Is there any cure for this? Like fully cure? Can a person live normally again after being diagnosed with this disease?" She asks.
"Unfortunately no, a person cannot live normally again. Bipolar disease is something which is life long and a person will survive basically on meds their whole life. They would also get episodes out of nowhere and that is what the meds help them in." He shifts his weight form one leg to another, "Meds prescribes can help in reducing the hallucinations and helps in balancing out the happiness with sadness in  a person's life."
The next fifteen minutes went by Hoseok answering questions about the diagnosis and went much deeper about this topic. He took the questions and explained thoroughly with a smile and did not get annoyed at basic or even the most obvious questions. Thanks to his six years of training in being a doctor.
He later explained about this new patient who will be transferred here from another hospital next week, the patient was young and that is something uncommon in this specific disorder.
Bipolar can start from the earliest ages in childhood but children are often neglected thinking they are just acting up as kids or even in late 40s with anger and emotions build up. The guy who is being transferred is mere twenty-five and has been admitted since a year now.
"You did great as usual," You smile and pat Hoseok's back who walked beside you, the presentation ended five minutes ago and everyone went back to doing their work.
He shrugs with a proud smirk making you roll your eyes knowing he'll talk about his presentation for the next few hours at this point. He'll point out how good he was while talking about his topic even though this guy was glaring into your soul for the whole time. Was too nervous to even break eye contact. "You know I'm the best."
"Yeah, as if you weren't dyeing in there." You sarcastically comment with a sarcastic smug like smile.
"Ok, bae. I get you're jealous of my speaking skills." He grins walking into your clinic following you behind.
"Fuck off," You laugh and settle back in your chair putting the notes from today on the table, "What's up with the new nurse?"
"Who? Sarah?" He raises his eyebrows settling himself in front of you on the chair. Your hands fiddling on the table with the paperweight, your favorite thing to do in the world besides fixing stuff of course.
You nod, "Yeah, she even forgot butter knife in Ji a's room."
"Oh that was what the scream was about?" He asks, he knew about the patient Ji a, you told him about her condition and everything as he does the same bout his patients. He did in fact heard a scream when he was re-reading his notes for the nth time in front of the mirror but didn't pay much attention knowing it's really common for that to happen.
"Yeah," You reply.
"Hm, Sarah?" He hums again, head tilted upwards thinking about Sarah's transfer. "Oh, she got transferred here from Gwangju district." He answers, eyes back on you as he recalled the talk he had in the morning about new staff.
"Reason?" You raise an eyebrow at him.
"She was like too nice there and got transferred here. Apparently she'll take time with every patient which is a good thing but the amount of staff normal hospital has are less causing the work to be delayed." He answers.
You nod back even though you wanted to scoff at his but now it makes sense why Sarah got transferred here and being honest she doesn't look like the person Hoseok is describing. Maybe you need more time with her to get to know her fully.  
After having a talk with Hoseok for the next fifteen minutes, mostly him breaking down the tea he got from another department. Hosoek got up to leave for his clinic. Says a quick 'see you at lunch' and walks out of the clinic room.
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You hum to the jazz music that was playing through the small speaker connected to you and go back to doing your work. The door opening catches you a little off guard cause no nurse was allowed to enter a doctor's clinic without permission. You look up and your eyes meet up with Jungkook who stood there in his hospital pajamas, his expression a little unfocused and haze.
"Jungkook?" You ask, he gulps and walks in the room closing the door behind. This was confusing cause what was he doing here if he's supposed to be in his room.
"I need help." He speaks and takes a seat in front of you. You pause the jazz music quick and look at him with curious yet confused eyes. You don't mean to sound rude but you won't currently be getting paid to listen to his rant but you'll welcome it the most if it meant to help him or any other patients in his position.
"Yes? What is it?" You ask back, focus on him now.
"I did a bad thing." He replies, voice soft and innocent unlike how it usually is.
"A bad thing?" You ask back with a smile keeping calm cause both of you can't be panicking.
He nods, "You know Ji a?" He asks as if you were unaware of her. His choice of question now made you more curious, confused of why he's asking if you know Ji a cause you're basically her caretaker and doctor.
"Yeah, what about her? Did you talk with her today?" You question back with a smile but the frown on your face was opposite from the tone of your voice, happy cause he made a friend, maybe? but he just nods and stays silent. His expression was guilty which made your smile fall getting the sign that it wasn't just a friendly chat.
Silence settle between you two as you wait for him to speak but he avoided your gaze. Okay! the hell you mean he'll walk in firstly without permission and then talk like he did a big ass crime and then not speaking at all. "You can tell me, I won't tell anyone, y'know?" You break the silence slowly with a whisper.
He gulps "She, um, came to me today and started talking." He speaks again trying his best to explain the situation. You nod back showing that you're listening to him and he can continue talking. "She kissed me." Jungkook sighs finally letting it out of his chest, doesn't want to roam around the situation that happened. He didn't fully trust you but believed in you that you won't tell anyone hopefully.
Your eyes widened and eyebrows raised very confused now. His head hung low after his confession thinking he did something bad. "I'm sorry, what?" You ask not quiet believing him.
"Yeah, she, um kissed me and I don't know how but she just came to me and started talking and then the next moment she kissed me." He states, panic filled his voice as he looks up again to meet your not believing gaze.
"So you both kissed?" You ask again, he nods and you nod too. You both are quiet again, silence takes over between you two. You didn't see anything bad in this, they just kissed. What's the bad thing about it? "Can you explain me what happened fully?" You ask.
"She came to me and showed me her wrist when I was going to the washroom. She had like bandage around it and then suddenly she kissed me!" He exclaims.
Okay. So the kiss just didn't happen, it happened without his permission which is crazy. In the three years of being a doctor this is not the first time you're hearing about a patient kissing the other, both of them haven't felt intimacy for years now. Longer for Jungkook more than it was for Ji a. You've found patient even fucking in the field so this wasn't the craziest thing you ever heard. What was crazy though that it was out of Jungkook's consent.
"You didn't wanted to kiss her?" You ask and he shakes his head proving that he in fact did not wanted to kiss Ji a. "So, why'd you think that you did the bad thing? You did nothing bad in this." You speak, tone soft keeping up with your phycology major. Thanks to the university teacher who made you find calm in any situation. Periodt. 
"I don't know but I didn't wanted to kiss her," He tried to explain shifting uncomfortably in his seat. It was clear sign that he didn't wanted to kiss Ji a but he wasn't sure how to say that in words.
"Uncomfortable?" You ask.
"Yeah, uncomfortable, it was out of nowhere and it fet so uneasy, more uneasy than the injections you guys give." He murmurs, nibbling on his lower lip.
"I'm sorry that happened, I'll talk Ji a and this would never happen again." You apologize, "Are you okay?"
He hesitates but nods; "I just... it's been a long time since I kissed someone or someone kissed me and it was a bit weird too."
"How long, hm? I'm so sorry, Jungkook that this happened to you. I promise this won't happen again." You murmur, a lump stuck jn your throat as you swallow. The feeling Jungkook must've felt must've been crazy to be honest and it was making you vulnerable even when you're thinking about it.
You're aware that Ji a is one of the patients and must have not been in her right mindset while doing something so serious. None of this excuses her behavior though, the way she luntched on Jungkook was clearly a sexual assault; doesn't matter if it was a small one.
"I don't like all this touching stuff," Jungkook declares hoping you'd understand his inability of being comfortable with touches. "And I haven't kissed anyone in a while so it really took me by surprise." He explains.
"I'll make sure it never happens again, Jungkook." You state with confident, this thing happening once was a big shock to you so it happening twice will be a big disappointment in it's own.
He nods, he believes you at least tries to you knowing you always stuck to your words. He gets up and was about to leave but stops in his tracks.
"Can I ask a favour, Doc?" He asks.
"Of course, anything. What is it?" You raise your eyebrows at him, now standing up from your chair so that you can drop Jungkook off to his room.
"Is there any way my room can be near your office?" He questions, voice low and slow almost a whisper. He said it as if it was a crime.
"Give me a second," You bite your bottom lip and bend down towards your computer to check if there's any rooms available nearby your clinic. "Hm, there's one room that was being renovated but it will take time."
He shrugs his shoulders, "I'm fine with the time taking, I just want to near your clinic so that I feel safe."
"Um, okay, I'll talk with someone and try my best to get you the room," You smile, standing up straight again. "Until then, just try to contact me or the nurses if something like this happens again."
He nods and walks out of your clinic with you behind him. The conversation towards his room was basically about his daily routine, about what he's eating nowadays or if he wants to try some new food or even fruits like last time. You got the feeling that he was still affected by the situation with Ji a which was quiet surprising cause Ji a has never thrown herself on to people moreover to kiss them.
She was very insecure about her looks, something that someone should not be but speaking generally out of her results, she was basically afraid to show herself to people. These fears led her to isolate herself from others, feeling conscious whenever someone looks at her, became a picky eater too.
You tried your best to make Jungkook feel safe, even if it was just a little. The effort put by you is enough to be noticed by Jungkook.
"Doc?" He starts, now sitting on his bed while you pour a cup of water for him and hum back to his questioning voice to answer. "Will you actually change my room?" He asks, yet again, a little conflicted and hesitant with his questions.
"I will try to, Jungkook." You hand him the glass of water, at least you'll try to change his room. If being honest, if not by you, you'll probably text another doctor in the department.
He nods and drinks his water; the tattoos on his arm were visible. Few inked tats here and there, to be honest, nobody knew what these tattoos on his right arm means. He never explained it to anyone; not even his friends or family or even the trusted doctors in the previous asylum and hospital he stayed at.
You'd love to ask him about the tattoos but that would be crossing the line. His tattoos were something which were present nowhere, not the documents, previous therapy sessions. Nothing.
"I'll let you know by tomorrow, okay?" You murmur, he nods in return before putting the now empty glass on the table beside his bed.
After making sure that he was all calm now, looked safe and after your reassurance he probably felt safe too. You leave the room quietly and the first thing that comes in your mind is CCTV footage. It's not like you didn't trust Jungkook. No. It's more like you wanted a reassurance yourself or confirmation if said in terms.
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Seok: Wya?
You: Surveillance room; r you done with work?
Seok: Yea, lol.
Seok: Whatu doing there? 
Obvious question from an obvious guy. You rest your head on the table, cheek pressed with the table while your left hand angled and also pressed on the table to the side with your phone in your hand.
You: Getting some tea :P
Seok: Stopppp, actually?!?
The reaction was so expected. You chuckle and sit up after seeing the notification pop up on top of Hoseok's message.
You: Gonna tell you tom, gtg, Kim's calling !!
Seok: C'monnn don't leave me hanging :(
wattpad:CH04 (read on wattpad)
A/N:
taglist; @seokout @khadeeeeej @bybyash ‘to be added in the taglist : 🏷️’
thank you for supporting 'TP' or 'THE PATIENT' ! Here's an update after so long; I got so busy with my life :<. Anyways, love you and have an amazing day ! This chapter is the longest i’ve wrote till now and i got too lazy to even edit it cuz too much reading and i’ve re-read it a millions times already lol, should i post the smut taexreader that wasn’t written in chap 3 or not!?
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wings-of-ink · 3 days ago
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Hi Lunan, I was wondering about the player stats if you have time. I keep getting reckless as a go to response for things despite trying to play a more shy and timid MC and it made me curious. How do you determine what choices actions constitute which stat? I understand that the game is still in development and it may not be set in stone or other aspects of the game might be more of a priority, but I was mostly interested in picking your brain, in a general sense, if that's OK. I'm sure you're very busy so there's no rush to answer this ask, or answer it at all.
Hello, Anon!
Let's see, player stats are definitely something that will get fine-tuned as we go. And, funny that you ask, I have literally been dwelling specifically on the reckless stat this weekend.
I'll just explain how I have worked this out below. I apologize that I went a little long...I genuinely enjoy chatting about this stuff, and I gotta bit...lost in the sauce here, lol. ^_^
For the MC's personality and actions/reactions and some of their speech patterns, I have 4 main stats. These are on a scale with their opposing characteristics, so 8 total. There's a 5th stat that tracks how your MC flirts.
Reserved vs Outgoing
Gentle vs Assertive
Serious vs Playful
Reckless vs Cautious
Bold Flirting vs Shy Flirting
The MC starts with scores directly in the middle for all of these (50 on a scale of 100); however, I decided not to code for much in the way of "middle ground" behavior. This saves me tons of coding and tons of agonizing about what a middle-of-the-road response would be. So, if your MC's score is above "49" they default to the characteristic listed first, but lower than that, they default to the one listed second.
The only score that is treated differently is the one for flirting. To default to bold, the score needs to be below 40, so the character must show a fairly direct preference for boldness in this area. I did this since shyness is a fairly "safe" bet for this type of characteristic.
Number 4 does not come into play very often - yet. As things heat up, some actions that the player does not get to choose will be determined by their score in this stat. Currently, there are only a few options to choose what influences this score. It is possible to barely have any score for this stat one way or another. I'm going to be increasing the influence of this and probably adding some new ways to get points for this as I do some editing.
As for how I determine if something raises or lowers a stat in general, I try to use my best judgment to determine motivation when I design the choices that influence stats. To me, being reckless or cautious could be either intentional or not. I think the first time this stat comes into play is in Chapter 1 when MC decides if they are going to try to steal the honeycakes at the beginning. Trying to snatch one gives an increase to recklessness since it could be a naughty or impulsive decision.
I also wanted 1, 4, and 5 to be independent of one another since someone could be more outgoing but very timid when they flirt and cautious when they act. Outgoing/Reserved is another that needs some adjusting as well and will be tweaked in the future.
The others are more straightforward. If an action or speech choice is more kind/soft/mild/considerate, I label it "gentle." If it is more direct or even a bit aggressive, I label it "assertive." I kinda just have to use my own interpretation as best I can, and I know that to other people some of my options will feel flipped (occupational hazard, lol).
I have liked this system for the most part. It took a lot of working out when I got started. I was just learning so it was easily a solid week of me just hammering out what I understood and what worked. I have learned so much since then. I knew I wanted to keep things paired down to ease my own burden. Lots of stats can be so much fun in a game, but I just do not want to get too lost in it, so I keep my focus narrow.
Hope that helps, Nony! If you have follow-up questions, please feel free to let me know! ^_^
A side note, while we are on the subject...
For my next IF, I may play with a different way to set the MC personality. I may just have players pick at the beginning from either specific stats or like 4 or 5 MC archetypes. The wheels are still turning on this though, nothing is set!
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