#but i'll at least make progress
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good morning!! <33
#yay it's breakfast day :3 hehe#i got through act i of the little play sunday's making us do (is that spoiler-free enough?? i think)#but exploring the new area + it was so close to dinner is the reason i didn't do more lol#but i'll manage it today! :3#idk whether that means i'll do the boss fight today or if I'll hold it until tomorrow#we'll see how i feel at that point#but i'll at least make progress#anyway i'm still thinking about that rafayel card lol#like he's really shot up there in terms of my ranking of the three love interests#(which is fair bc he's the reason i chose to play the game lol)#but anyways#i hope today/tonight is kind to you!!!! <3333#morning rambles
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Zelda goes mushroom girl
#tloz#a link to the past#zelda#link#my art#I was happy with that first one but for some reason decided it still needed a companion piece so I spent way too long on that second one...#I don't think there was any time during the progress where I was happy with it but hfduhdfu at least I got to Attempt drawing moss hell yea#I also at some point sat in Pyu's art stream and said I enjoy drawing legs As I was being murdered by the infamously impossibe (imo) squat.#it's ok I had fun !! but I need to learn how to let doodles be doodles or I'll never finish stuff at this rate dfsuhfd#if everything in my tloz tag looks like it was drawn by different people uuuh 2023 was art crisis year ngl......#I'm falling back into my old ways rn though#anyway I think about these two a lot I think they're both stone faced and awkward ppl in different ways but they try rly hard to be friends#like I like to think it starts out so incredibly awkward and a bit sad bc they keep stepping over each other's toes accidentally the harder#they try but idk they find comfy middle ground idk in my brain they have a very interesting friendship I wanna get around to drawing it#in a proper way that might make sense....#if I don't write 200 tags I will die maybe it's bc I grew up on dA or smth#and yes I know how to find 1 (one) type of mushroom /I/ am not mushroom girl unfortunately smh
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When things get tough and/or I start catastrophizing and I feel like giving up (mostly related to career/studies/future studies because that's my biggest monster to slay rn 🐲⚔️):
Remember how younger you passionately worked her ass off to get you to where you are now. How would she feel if you didn't make the most of her effort?
Remember how hard your family — your parents and grandparents and great-grandparents, etc. —worked so that you could even think of your dreams as real possibilities to aspire to. They had a dream, and it was difficult for them to achieve it too, but they didn't give up.
Remember how past generations of women and their allies fought to give women a place in public life if they so chose it. You might not always believe in yourself, but people who didn't even know you believed in you enough to fight the inequality. Despite the setbacks you may face, they believed you belong and that you have potential. You should believe the same of yourself too.
#okay that last one is probs a broad romanticization since when we say women and their allies started fighting for equality#it wasn't for ALL women...#and tbh idk much about the history of women in STEM#which is my 'public sphere of life'#but i still find it quite empowering to look back and see all the progress we've made since then#i mean there's still lots of progress to make#but we have come a long way#at least in some places of the world...#women in stem#stem academia#stem student#stemblr#studyblr#study motivation#med studyblr#studyspo#studyinspo#don't give up#monday motivation#god knows i'll need it
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#it's off season moth time#I'll keep making them as long as I keep the mosaic drawing interest persists#I used to draw stuff like this by hand all the time when I was in school#not so much in recent times but it's been nice to get lost in it digitally now#pride#progress pride#moth#rainbow#queer#lgbtqia#gay#trans#intersex#pride flag#I've done a couple more after this and eased back a bit on the amount of lines#mostly at least...
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I love when I see posts like "Share how many crochet WIPs you currently have! I have 5, it's so many!"
Like, girl, I have unfinished projects from over a decade ago that I refuse to frog on the off chance I decide to finish them. I've found years-old projects I forgot I even started and will impulsively just finish it on the spot. I've started three different projects in the last 2 months, including one I started yesterday, that I already know I may or may not finish within the year depending on motivation.
The number of WIPs I have is infinite.
#crochet#knitting#needlepoint#sewing#embroidery#shoutout to the time it took me 4 years to make my dad a hat. and like 6 years to make a turtle for a teacher.#i picked up yarn spinning for ONE day in like 2017. i have not done it since.#there's a half finished elephant amigurumi sitting in a basket and i started that guy in like 2011#i have two maybe three shawls i know of that are sitting unfinished in a storage bag#plenty of swatches of things that i start and lose interest in#currently i have a cardigan i wanted to make and started it and then got bored so i stopped#there's a hat i was knitting for my nanna that i started maybe 2 days before she passed#and that's sat unfinished i can't even look at it. i have no clue if i'll ever actually finish it.#there's at least one skirt i never finished sewing. and two skirts i have all the materials for but haven't started.#i know i have one beach cover up dress and one cover up skirt that i started in 2017 and didn't finish.#i think my oldest work in progress though dates back to when i was 9 or 10. i made a slipper. never finished the other foot.#that was in 2005 or 06. so literally i might have WIPs older than someone who is reading this.#and those are the just some of the ones i REMEMBER. buried in my yarn stash are probably others i've just forgotten.
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THE EYHM COLLECTION GROWS!!!! managed to make some space without having to move too much so they can all be together!!
(i made the smaller ones into stickers bc i'm running out of picture frames!! hope that's ok!)
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE WHO'S GIFTED THESE TO ME THOUGH!!! I'M CALLING ALL OF YOU OUT HERE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!! ❤❤❤❤❤
*sharp inhale* @eskariolis-con-salsa @oddpizza @woobab @the-little-knight @moon9931 @misdreavusplush @noodletime @witch-tower-au !!!!!!!
hope you all have a good holiday season!! love you all! *MWAH*
#don't worry about the fish tanks they'll keep the kitties company! there's literally almost nowhere else good to put these lmao#but!! i think they look good there at least!! AND IN GENERAL THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD THANK YOU#BUT NOW AFTER THIS I REALLY NEED TO FIND MORE SPOTS IF I GET MORE EYHMS BECAUSE THERE'S NO SPACE LEFT THERE!#....maybe i can move some of the pokemon posters i have by my bed lol. they're just kinda. there rn.#but yeah!! i never expected people to like this cat this much and i'm kinda freaking out!!! but thank you again so much!!#i'll say it 1000 times if i have to!!!!!!#eyhm stuff#gift eyhms#basically ALL of the gift eyhms i've gotten lmao. there's a couple that're in progress but they'll hopefully join the others soon-ish!#quick side ramble! i've got a couple more drawing things planned this year but they might take a couple days because Chrimbo and all!#but there's a couple pizza tower things/gifts and. maybe finally my About Me post? gotta figure out how i'm gonna make that heh#OK I'VE BEEN TALKING TOO LONG SORRY BUT I'M JUST SO HAPPY ABOUT THESE AAAHHHHHHH
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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I think?? I have potentially finished my draft of the next chapter of 13 students?? All I need to do now is go through it and see if any scenes need cleaning up a little!!
#its currently sitting at 27k words long and hshshhhhhhhh yeah thats why its taken me this long to even make progress posts#I think I'm happy with it??#my only worries is if I've handled the romance in this chapter okay#because romance is NOT my forte at all I find it extremely hard to write romatinc feelings lmao#I'm hoping I haven't made anyone too out of character but I don't think I have??#aaaagh I'll try to edit soon but because of how long this chapter is I wouldn’t expect another progress post for a couple days at least
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i know that graduating one semester later is not that big of a deal and i haven't made any plans about what comes next so it doesnt even make a difference. so why does it feel just so terrible
#there are no chances of us finishing the thesis on time#i mean the presentations are only until the 24th so we should have already be done with it#but miss girlie said one week ago that she'd add her parts of the introduction and today i asked her and she said she'll do it tomorrow#and then there's the results and conclusions which i havent even started yet cause im a complete idiot and ive wasted so much time#and i very much doubt she has written anything about them yet#which okay i understand that she is working and i know working σεζον isnt easy#but she could have at least done a copy paste#whatever#i need to at least focus on the exam#i only have a few more slides but i started feeling a panic attack coming so i took a break to try and stop it from coming#if anyone knows how to stop that little voice in your head that always tells you how big of a failure you are please lmk 🙃#okay gonna go finish#then I'll cook lunch and maybe if i spend the rest of the day writing we'll make some progress#maybe we can ask for an extension? idk. i doubt she has even bothered calling the professor even tho she said she was going to#whatever im so done with everything#not looking for pity just needed to complain about it#which seems to be the only thing ive been doing sooo yup#okay going fr now#jo says stuff#university update
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My local nerd store finally got Blue Lock merch! ...but just Barou. Like, he's the only one they had 🫠
King of Forbidden Planet, love that for him 👑💯🔥
#they had his figure out in a display case and it's not great#besides... while i like barou#it's not enough to buy him and put him on my shelf 🥲#at least Dublin's making slow progress#they had a few manga volumes but I own em digitally + short on space as is#I'll keep watch#blue lock#bllk merchandise#personal#baro shoei
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In the past months every now and then I've been feeling kind of conflicted about my art and it actually just annoys me
Like, sometimes I'm happy, and even when I look back at a drawing after a while I still like it, but sometimes it's just ... I think what bothers me is that it just feels ... boring to me? It's not necessarily that I find it "bad" or "ugly" (though that can vary depending on the piece, sometimes it just doesn't want to turn out right - that happens and it's okay), it's more that I feel like ... it's missing a certain something. The spark that makes people (including myself - or actually especially myself) go "wow, that's a cool piece of art" or "the line art/lighting/colours/[insert other aspect] stands out particularly well", that I feel when I look at other people's artworks. Like, I feel that sometimes there's just nothing special or interesting or ... artful about it.
I don't think it even has to do so much with validation from others, it's more like that I'm dissatisfied with myself. It's just ... eh idk
#at least it doesn't want to make me not draw anymore because I still want to keep improving#I just have the feeling I'm not really making progress (or only progress in some areas but absolutely none in others)#I know I'll feel better about it again at some point it's always an up and down#but eh I just felt the need to rant about it#personal#vent? ish?#selnia talks
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sometimes someone will reblog my "silver lied in the finale no idea abt what tho" post and their tags all full of #flinthamilton angst and i just really am forcefully reminded that even though we all watched the same show . we did not in fact watch the same show. like yes their affair is basically what set the whole plot in motion and i really love thomas as a plot device but i do have to confess that idc abt thomas as a person at all lmfao
#like i wont stop u from making the finale abt flinthamilton thats ur right go crasy go silly etc but to me that is just not whats happening#thomas being there or not is abt whether or not silver is lying about this particular detail it is not abt unburying ur gays#like. to me at least#idk how else to put it but thomas being there is not abt thomas. it is abt flint and madi and silver and The Narrative#it is abt silver trying to pay off flint with the same thing he sold this war for: a partner#and he is telling this to madi who did not want this about flint who also did not want this#so theyre both making eye contact and are waiting for the other to either flinch or turn back into a person who loves them#its driving me insane. like ur taking a moment as fucked up and genius as this and u decide this is abt colonizer romance#like im not even getting into the fact that imo flint has progressed so far in his ideological journey that they wouldnt see eye to eye#bc woodes rogers is flints mirror but wr is also what thomas mightve become and ur telling me hed happily settle for That?#ok no i'll stop here i need to go say the litany against getting mad online 10x (getting mad online is the mind killer)#black sails#cavetext#once again. live ur truth!!! more power to u!!! but if u do that on my post where i can see it i will inevitably have opinions i fear
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traitor to the cause forgets national holiday every year KILL HIM
#just realized i wrote may instead of marsh lmao. fuck it#trans day of visibility#trans day of eating food#tdov#tdov 2024#transgender day of visibility#trans#transgender#lgbt#gay#my art#another year eh#still in pretransition purgatory (get me tf out!!!)#idk man past year's been bad. last time i showered was july i'm goin 9 months strong 9 months weak 9 months decrepit#i manage to go through the motions with not much else in the way of progress. eat sleap shit piss rinse reuse recycle#trans day of eating food is shaky too this year. just found out yesterday i can't eat a snack anymore that i've liked since i was a kid#discovered a new love for green beans though. everything in balance#with my living situation getting more unsafe i've been thinking a lot about asking my neighbor if i can stay with him and his family#cause i don't like... see people other than them anymore so i don't know anyone else i can ask lol#and maybe i can get my shit together and start transitioning if i get out..... it's the least i need to do anyways#at least i gotta ask if he would be willing to oversee my funeral in the event of it cause i do nnnnot trust my next of kin with that shit#go watch youtube “Protecting Trans Bodies in Death” by Caitlin Doughty. contains important info for anyone really but#especially so for the titular transengendered individual#write your will... OK?#it doesn't have to be a bummer do it with a friend make it a girls night boys night hotties sleepover#death mention cw#wish i had more to say on the topic this year that wasn't a downer. i'll see what the next year holds#and hey... if a guy like me isn't giving up a motherfucker like you sure as hell shouldn't... adios & bon voyage my compatriots. SALUTE
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oscillating rapidly and producing a low tone in the note of c
#on the one hand i am dying because i am not catching on in this new internship placement#all whilst my professors are already asking me to have my ducks in a row and send them like.#a detailed plan of what i'll be doing for my big final exam#when i don't even know what the schedule is around here or what's already been done and what still needs to be done#on the other hand my brain is so so desperate for goofing around time after spending basically the whole break working#(i took like a week off to be sick in december and then another 5 days to be sick in january)#(and then i Meaningfully took three or so days off to just. relax. in between stages of this other project)#but now i really just want to like. slack off entirely for a whole week.#(i can't do this)#(i need to start writing planning documents and making progress towards my big final exam thing)#so essentially i am weeping and dying#but at the very least a cool thing should be coming around either tomorrow or wednesday so#be on the lookout for that w#a a a a a a a a i hope it goes over well#a friend and i have been working really hard on this since last june . . . . .#(with a huge break in the middle on account of the internship hell)#but wauuughghgh save me from the hell i reside in (burn out from last semester is now following me into this one waughgh)
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when the kind-of-therapist says you're making progress.........
#maybe i will be okay#also i do see the progress. except when i'm deep into my anxiety then i feel like everything is awful and i'll never heal#but hey. that isn't all the time#also i came out to him as nonbinary :) i planned to but almost didn't but then before leaving i was like uh can i tell you something#and i felt nervous but did it! i knew he'd be chill with it it's just always nerve-wracking to come out#but like i'm pretty sure he's trans so no one else irl feels safer to tell something like that to#and it's nice when i don't have to pretend i'm a man? bc ppl are comfortable with that? i mean i don't even pretend ppl just assume#i almost never bother tho cause like i don't have it in me to explain. it's so tiring explaining my gender to cis people#so assume what you want i'm not happy with that but it is what it is#it's definitely been nice to have one of the mental health professionals who works with me be trans like. makes the difference#i've been so tired of cis people and i never thought i'd get to talk in that context to someone who's not. being able to talk about trans#things freely (or at all) and knowing i'm being if not understood bc experiences differ at least listened to with empathy and a level of#i guess understanding of the whole picture. like all my love to my therapist-therapist but#i think he's cis (i'm sure tbh) and when i mention trans things sometimes i have to explain stuff that's not what i wanted to talk about#but that's needed knowledge to understand and he doesn't have it. a trans person does#and it's honestly a bit frustrating when i have to do that#nico rambles
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yell at me if u see me on here now goodbye FOREVER (for the rest of the day)
#i am finishing this fic TODAY#tumblr is a distraction so im undownloading it from my phone and using ublock to hide it away from me so i can focus for real and#Hopefully tonight i will get to post my fic. or maybe i'll wait for tomorrow so i can do an extra editing round. unless someone wants to#beta read it in which case hmu. it is B x L and there's blood and some (teeth-related) gore. and strangulation. thumbs up emoji#actually not 100% sure i can finish it tonight but if not i need to make enough progress that it can be done before sunday at least#oh but i might need to push it bc i wanted to finish some art to pair w it. wait no i can just post that later whatever whatever GOODBYE
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