#but i'd finish the state tests early

[reginaofdoctorwho]

talking to a guy and he’s like “how the fuck do you have all this shit memorized?” my brother in christ i memorized a movie as a kid because i got bored during state tests

[juniperdugong]

Help Sleeping - Kim Mingyu

Mingyu was aware that you had work early in the morning.

Which is why he wanted to "help" you go to sleep.

You honestly didn't know what to expect. Maybe a glass of milk, some tea, a massage, hell maybe he'd even go the extra mile and do all of the above plus some melatonin gummies or something.

But no. Here you were, staring at the wall, sitting up, and lights dimmed. As your boyfriend sat in front of you with a pill bottle, a lighter, and a pop-it your younger sibling had left at the house months ago.

"Mingyu..."

"First of all, not my name. Second, I promise this will relax you." He let out one of his infamous little "he he" laughs as he zoned in.

Fully focused this man leaned closer and closer to you. You almost catch him in a kiss before his head swerves to your right ear. "A..." he whispers. Switches to your left ear, "S...". Alternating now he finishes the word with a breathy "M" and "R".

You groan at his antics but let him continue. And he does, oh trust he does.

For the next 20 minutes, you sit back and close your eyes, attempting to relax, as Gyu alternates between tapping on the pill bottle, whispering in your ear, lighting the lighter (careful to not get too close to the side of your head with this one), and bringing the pop-it to either side of your head and gently popping the bubbles.

Every now and again he would make a water droplet sound with his mouth, his breath so close to you that you would giggle and open your eyes slightly to see a small frown turn into a concentrated stare at whatever object he chose to entertain you with next.

By the end of it, he must've thought you were sleeping. His hands about to reach out to your body to lay you down but instead he meets your gaze as you slowly open your eyes.

"Gyu..."

A pout forms, "I thought I got you to sleep".

"Can you please, pretty please, the light of my life, my beautiful boyfriend, just make me some tea and get the melatonin gummies in the cabinet?"

He huffs and his pout turns into full duck lips as his brows furrow. "You didn't even try to enjoy it."

You scoff, roll your eyes, and put on your baby voice (the one made exclusively for him), "I did try baby, I really really did...for about 5 minutes."

"You let me do that for 15 more minutes?!"

"Listen, you were in the zone, how am I gonna stop you when you're in the zone? Babe."

"How am I gonna stop you when you're in the zone? Babe." He mocks.

"Gyu...please." you give him the most endearing yet sleepy expression and his pout returns, this time out of a minor sadness at your current restless state. Yeah, he could never actually be mad at you.

Being the man he is he's on his feet before you utter another word. Within 10 minutes he's back with what you've asked for. You scrunch your nose as you drink, a sign of thanks to him.

He gives you a radiant smile before wrapping his arms around your waist, giving your cheek a peck, and nuzzling into your neck.

After taking the gummies you turn the lamp off joining Gyu fully in the sheets entangling in the warmth of each other. Although it's dark you both know that you're both smiling. You reach out to cup his face in your hands and he giggles as your fingers locate each feature.

An attempt is made to kiss his lips but you catch his nose instead. Laughs emerge from both of you. This time you get it right though, your lips perfectly capturing his.

With a sigh, you say "Maybe...next time you just try holding me like this, huh? Because I don't know if it's you or these gummies but suddenly I am very very sleepy...".

"I'd be willing to test out that theory."

{If you're interested in being on the Taglist for my Seventeen works please let me know!!}

{A/N: NOT PROOFREAD, literally finished writing this, posted it, and K.O.'d lol. This is inspired by this video of ASMR svt moments lol. Enjoy my loves, get a good night's rests whenever you sleep, and for the love of all that's holy DO NOT attempt to pull an all-nighter}

[beembeem]

Halloooo, I'd like a platonic Aizawa x reader where the reader is a student of his and tries to do EVERYTHING to not be in the Limelight bc they hate the attention? Also, they're planning on becoming an underground hero :33 Remember to drink water <33

Thank you for the request! I really had a lot of fun writing this, it was nice to write again after my break!

Stay hydrated, everyone!

You had been on aizawas radar from the first day of school. You never joined any clubs and participated in any school events. He's never seen you openly interact with anyone in your class aside from a quiet "yes" or "no." Although you performed well at the festival, you went home the second you had won your fight. Your lunches were spent in an empty classroom, so you'd avoid the groups of your classmates. He's not even sure anyone knows your name. Public speaking and being social is part of the job so when the first month of school ended and he noticed you still werent participating in any clubs or sports teams he took the opportunity to put you in on the PA with mic.

You'd be let out of class five minutes early to make your way down to the PA room and announce school news and maintenance. "Hey listener! Are you ready to get to work?" The blond yelled, and you nodded."Alright! So here's what you need to read. Don't be shy to add your own funky twist!" He handed you a sheet of paper,"just keep it school appropriate. " he laughed, and you glanced over the paper just the usual. Staircase B is out due to quirk mishaps and a new lunch special "so.. do I just read it?" You asked, staring at the PA system. The thought of the whole school hearing your voice made your stomach turn. "Yep! There's nothing else to it! Here." He stood up from his seat and motioned for you to sit."Are you ready?" He asked "uh-"great! " he didn't give you time to finish he pushed down on a bright red button in front of the microphone before saying his opening phrase "hey hey hey listeners! It's your one and only present mic and" he motioned for you to say your name "y-y/n" You stated, your voice breaking a bit " and we have a few updates to share with you guys! So y/n take it away!" He motioned for you to announce "u-uhm for today's announcement, uhm... s-staircase B is out of order, and uh, because of" you tried to be confident, but the words died on your tongue instead tears welled up in your eyes and present mic put a hand on your head before taking over and finishing the announcements. When the announcements were finished and turned to talk to you but your seat was empty, and the door was ajar.

~~~~~~~~~~

Aizawa stared blankly at you. "You want to be... an underground hero?" He repeated your words, and you nodded. "That's a first for 1a," he chuckled quietly to himself. You stared at the classroom floor and waited for him to speak again. " Why?" He asked before picking up a sheet from an earlier test and marking a few questions "w-well I don't think I handle the public as well as everyone else. You probably heard how I was on the PA system. And with the way my quirk works, I think it'd be better to work underground. Plus, I think it'd be a great opportunity for me to keep my identity a secret. " You rambled a bit anxiously, but your teachers focus still remained on the sheet. "Y/n, I get what you're saying. I really do." He started,"but you need to learn how to socialize if you want to be a hero. " he stated,"b-but!" He raised his hand, cutting you off."No buts. What if you need to control a crowd? Or help a lost child? Even if you become an underground hero that won't change what you need to learn, you frowned a little and sighed before turning back to your desk to get your bag and leave. "But." You turned to face him."If you can learn to effectively socialize and stay on the PA system for the rest of the school year, I'll mark you as an underground hero, " he said then turned his attention right back to the sheet of paper. You smiled and thanked him before leaving the classroom and shutting the door behind you.

[ruvviks]

Okay so I love zombie stuff, I love seeing how they affect the world and how people respond to them, and your premise sounds fascinating.

Did the government do much to try getting the zombies under control after the safe zones were made, or did they think that would be good enough? How much of the population was left after the initial outbreak and how is that affecting things in the current setting?

I have more I could ask but I'll save it for later 🤣 also if these are things talked about in the story feel free to keep your answer here vague

HIII THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS <33 most of it is indeed gonna be mentioned in the book as well as the story unfolds but since it will be very long until i actually finish anything i'll go over most of it here, keeping only a few things vague for bigger plot twists but also i try to not use shock value in this story so you can probably already figure out what's really going on but that just makes the story more fun >:^)

so as a bit of background information: the virus starts off as a virus that pretty easily spreads from human to human and then as soon as people start turning to zombies it basically turns into a different mutation that kills the host a LOT faster than the original strain does, the original strain is still out there during the initial outbreak which happens in europe but eventually fades out the more prominent the zombie version of the virus becomes because victims of the original strain end up getting bitten before the virus kills and turns them so they die before they can spread it. i hope that makes sense. i feel like it does

ANYWAY since it's a regular virus at first and just starts turning people at some point seemingly randomly (but in reality it's not as randomly as what humanity thinks), the first wave of zombies is HUGE in like. west/central europe. because everyone who's infected just becomes a zombie and especially in city areas they then turn 1-3 people before they get killed since these zombies are FAST especially in the early stages. it does take a while for it to spread beyond europe but generally speaking the initial outbreaks in countries cause a large chunk of mainly city populations to get wiped out pretty fast, which leaves most of specifically europe and city areas in asia in ruins. other continents have more time to prepare which causes the lethality rate to be a little less high but for some reason still not by much... INTERESTING...

so the initial outbreak is in europe and then starts spreading rapidly over land to other countries and then continents as well. it differs from country to country what kind of measures are taken to try and control it but for Some reason it seems like no matter what they do the virus just. keeps spreading... INTERESTING... it does take a good few years before it's spread all across the globe which is a fascinating phenomenon to think about. imagine having to continue your life as normal while there's ZOMBIES running around on another continent. i'd cry myself to sleep every night

the united states specifically uses an advisory body made of several external organizations (both irl and fictional, so for example the world health organization would be part of it but also just a bunch of fictional organizations that are kind of like that) which helps determining what the best course of action is. they came up with the blueprint for the network of safe zones and tunnels connecting them together and since the story takes place 30 years after the initial outbreak, other countries are now also using that strategy to at least get people to safer areas while they work on trying to manage the wasteland

one of the fictional organizations here is matrix corp, which started as an independent medical research organization back in the 1980s and has since then grown to hold the monopoly over most of the medical research of the western world. next to research they also focus on developing rapid research methods to speed up testing and trials for creating vaccines and such, which is why they end up gaining popularity so quickly over the years with all the diseases the world has to deal with leading up to the zombie apocalypse

in the story itself, matrix is still in charge of a lot of decisions in the world when it comes to "the safety of humanity" since governments have put so much of their trust in them already during other outbreaks, which were all controlled by matrix pretty easily. this arguably gives matrix more power in the world than the actual governments themselves have which is also an interesting dynamic and it's explored more in the story itself, especially with some very interesting things the main characters learn on their journey back to los angeles >:^)

as for the wasteland surrounding the safe zones, in the united states specifically there's not much being done about it surprisingly but at the same time it's not really clear for both the reader and the characters as to why. as also mentioned in the summary, while the main characters are traveling they learn that there is SO much more life left in the wasteland than what the government wants them to believe which adds to what i said earlier about the discoveries they make on their journey. there's many things going on that will change their view on their own "safe" lives within the walls of los angeles forever

[griffin-girl-r]

You came back to me (Part 1)

Created: 10.03.2022

Finished: 22.06.2022

Edited: 19.09.2023

Age: 15

Word count: 2,853

Warnings: Child loss, Passing out

Request: No

Detka = Baby

Summary: During one of the Avengers' missions, they stumble across a young girl.

Part 2

—

At this point, you were running.

Running for your life. Running as fast as you could. Running from...

You have no idea what you are running from anymore.

You've been running for too long in this dark and strange forest, that you don't even remember from what you are running or who you are.

Your feet were hurting you and your energy was running low. Your breathing was heavier and heavier. Your head was pounding.

The rush of adrenaline was so high that you realized you had banged your head on something when you were already on the ground and with your blurry vision, before you passed out, you saw people hovering above you.

—

The Avengers were assigned to take down a HYDRA base located in some unknown forest.

But the last thing they expected to come upon, when they were going back to the QuinJet, was a young teenage girl running scared from something.

Accidentally, Steve hit her with his shield and the poor girl passed out from the force of the impact.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God." Steve shouted, leaning over the girl "What have I done?"

"Move, Rogers." Natasha pushed Steve aside and got closer to the unconscious girl

"What is she doing here?"

"We need to take her to the QuinJet!"

"Who's this?!"

Tony, Natasha, and Sam said at the same time but as expected Natasha won.

Steve picked you up and carried you to the Jet. Once inside, he laid you down on the floor, Wanda putting a pillow she found somewhere under your head.

"She's okay. Most probably she has a concussion but no serious damage." Bruce announced after he quickly checked you up "But I'd still like to take her to my lab and run more tests, just to make sure she's okay."

The team nodded and each one spread around to do their own things.

But Natasha was the only one to stay by your side just in case anything happened.

The redhead found herself staring at your face. She doesn't know why, but your presence made Natasha feel something special towards you. She felt like she needed to protect you.

Three hours later you were already resting on Natasha's bed back at the compound, with the woman in question watching over you.

You hadn't woken up at all during the journey back or while Bruce examined you. You haven't even felt the way Natasha held your hand all this time, trying to provide you with some comfort even in your unconscious state.

—

Opening your eyes slowly, you tried to adjust your eyes to the light and take in your surroundings.

Before you got time to even start panicking because you didn't recognize your surroundings, a soft voice reassured you.

"Shh... You're safe. Don't worry. We're not going to hurt you. You're safe with me." The voice of a woman whispered softly

You slightly relaxed as your eyes shot to the place from where the voice came and you found there a red-headed woman, in her early 30's, with the most beautiful green eyes you had ever seen.

But Natasha visibly tensed. Because when she locked her eyes with yours, your, also, green eyes reminded her of a ghost from her past that, no matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to forget.

"Who are you?" You asked confused "Where am I?"

"Calm down." Natasha kept her voice calm "You're at the Avengers' compound. We found you a few hours ago running alone in a forest."

"I know who the Avengers are. I've heard stories." You nodded, almost fully relaxing

"That's good." Natasha slightly smiled "Then you know that we are no threat. I'm Natasha. Natasha Romanoff."

Your eyes widened at the ex-assassin's name and she could see that you know more than just some simple facts about her work with the Avengers.

When the silence between you two grew too long, Natasha decided to ask you something else.

"What is your name?" Natasha asked

You stared at her for a moment, thinking about her question.

"I-I don't know. I don't remember if I ever had one. They call me 'Subject 11'." You answered truthfully

Natasha's heart broke for the girl in front of her. She didn't even have a name. What possibly those monsters could have done more to you?

"Who called you that?" Natasha questioned

"The guards." You whispered "They kept me locked in a cell all the time, beat me. And when something happened last night, the guards left me unsupervised and I escaped."

Natasha picks up on what actually happened. You must have been one of the innocent prisoners that were inside the HYDRA base they attacked. And you escaped while they were fighting with the enemy.

"How old are you?" She asked very softly

"Maybe 15. If I remember correctly."

Natasha's breath caught in her throat.

"How about 'Y/N'?" The woman asked trying to put on a poker face "If you're going to stay with us, then you'll need a name, so we could know how to call you."

You smiled and nodded. You love that name. It has a special ring to it.

"I love it. Thank you." You smiled "How did you choose it?"

Natasha's face fell and she looked from you to a wall.

"I've chosen it after months of careful thinking." She blankly answered

"But you've only known me for a few hours..." You were confused

"I'll come back to you in a few hours. If you need something just say it and we will know." The spy started walking towards the door

And with that, Natasha stormed out of the room.

—

You ended up staying at the compound for longer than anticipated.

And everyone grew really attached to you and you also loved them.

But as expected, your relationship with Natasha was the one that grew the strongest.

You two became inseparable in a span of a few months.

And Steve kept on saying 'sorry' to you almost every day for accidentally hitting you with his shield. But you always waved him off saying that if it wasn't for that, you wouldn't have gotten the chance to be now with them.

—

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Nat?" Clint asked a crying Natasha

Natasha looked up from the picture that was ripped in half from her hands and stared at Clint.

"You know why." She whispered

"Y/N reminds you of her, doesn't she? Of your Y/N? That's why you are treating her like your own child? Because she was able to make you smile again?" Clint sat down next to Natasha on the couch and put his hand on her back

"I miss her so much, Clint. I feel like I also died with her that day." Natasha sobbed "How can I move on?"

"You don't, Nat. But it's been almost 10 years since that night. You should stop blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault and start to, at least, try to move on. For her. I know she wouldn't have wanted you to be sad." Clint rubbed her back "Of what you had told me about her, I know she loved you too much to not want your happiness. Even without her."

This only made Natasha sob even louder, like her heart was ripped from her chest.

"9 years, 5 months and 2 days." Natasha whispered the exact date

"What have you done to her, Robin Hood?" You pushed Clint aside and hugged Natasha from one side

You were on your way to get yourself a snack when you heard Natasha and Clint talking in the living room. You didn't plan on picking up on their conversation but when Natasha started crying you just couldn't help yourself.

"I'll leave you two alone." Clint eyed Natasha and then left

You hugged Natasha tight, not observing that she had quickly shoved something in her pocket.

Natasha has treated you with love and affection these past months and you really appreciate everything she did for you.

From waking you up in the morning, to making you lunch and to tucking you in at night, Natasha tried to make you feel as comfortable and safe as she could.

And seeing her in this state made you sad.

"So you gave me the name of someone that was once important to you?" You asked after a minute

Natasha just nodded.

Then she got up, took your hand, and dragged you towards the car.

—

"Where are we, Tasha?" You questioned the redhead once she stopped the car

"You'll see. Come on." She slightly smiled for you and pointed her head to the car door

You silently followed her.

Turns out she has brought you to some kind of cemetery. It was more like 5 graves spread closely to each other in a well-illuminated forest.

She got closer to one lonely gravestone placed near a tree.

Kneeling, next to it, Natasha put her forehead on top of the cold stone and absentmindedly traced the words on it with her fingers.

"Hey... I've missed you so much today." Natasha whispered to the stone, tears in her eyes "Who am I trying to fool? I miss you every single second of my cursed life. I only want to have you here with me. To hold you in my arms. To sing to you again that lullaby you love so much. To protect you while you peacefully sleep in my arms at night." Natasha sadly chuckled "But I know that's not possible for me anymore."

She turned her head to you for a second before looking back at the stone.

You awkwardly stood around, not understanding what was going on.

"Today I've brought someone with me and it's not Uncle Clint, as you would expect. Maybe I'll also bring him next time. But right now I've come with this kind and beautiful girl that made me remember you." Natasha took a deep breath trying to keep her voice steady "I'm not trying to replace you with her and she isn't trying to take your place either. But she just made the time pass easier."

Natasha finally raised to her feet and you could clearly read now what was written on the gravestone.

The words made your heart fall to your stomach and gave you have a slight idea of what is going on.

'Y/N Rose Romanoff

Y/B/D, 2001

September 14, 2007'

"Y/N... Meet my other Y/N. She's my little angel that you heard me talking about with Clint." Natasha smiled sadly

"Y-You had a child?" You asked, the words hardly getting out of your mouth

"Have." Natasha corrected "I have a child. Just because she's not with me, that doesn't mean that I'm not her mother anymore."

You stayed silent in place for a second, trying to process the information you were just given.

"She was born in the Red Room. I was 16, almost 17 when I had her. Her father was a soldier who died before she was born. They knew I was seeing him in secret, that I loved him and he loved me, and that I wanted to run away with him." Natasha wiped a tear away "And they let us plan our escape, then brutally separated us. I was 7 months pregnant when we decided to run."

"Then?" You asked

"Then Y/N was born and I focused all my time and energy on her. I tried to protect her the best I could and I started to think about escaping again. And we did. We ran away when she was 5. We were on the run for a year but we were living a happy and normal life together. But one night they found us."

Taking a shy step forward you looked at Natasha. "What happened to her?"

~~~~~

September 14, 2007

A day Natasha will never be able to forget.

"Mama! I'm tired. We still have to run?" Her baby asked

"Yes, Y/N. If the bad guys find us, they will punish us. Remember?" Natasha held Y/N tighter in her arms as she kept running through the dark forest

"I love you, Mama."

Y/N was small, but not stupid. She maybe was 6 years old but she had the brain of a 16-year-old. And Natasha knew that her daughter understood that it would be the end for both of them if they got caught.

"I love you too, detka. More than anything."

Natasha had time to only finish her sentence when something hit her in the leg, making her fall to the ground.

On instinct, the mother rolled to one side, trying to take as much of the impact of the fall as she could.

But before she got time to realize what happened, she heard her child scream for her as the little girl was taken from her arms and two men, clearly stronger than Natasha, lift her from the ground and kept her in place.

Natasha tried.

She really tried. She fought with all her strength to reach her girl. But it was useless.

"You thought you could run away just like that, Natasha?" The man she feared the most said

Dreykov. The man that had made Natasha's life a living hell, was now holding her baby girl by one arm. Pointing a gun to the child's head with his other hand.

"Don't! Please. I'll do anything. You can do whatever you want with me. You can punish me and beat me. Just please let my child go." Natasha cried

"But this is your punishment, Natasha." Dreykov spitted out

And right there. Right in front of her eyes. Dreykov pulled the trigger.

Her Y/N's body fell to the ground with a loud thund.

Lifeless.

The sight of the lifeless body is the last thing Natasha remembers before passing out from the sick sight in front of her.

~~~~~

"I woke up a day later back in the Red Room. That day I became a mother without her child. And there is no pain bigger than this one. The pain of losing your child. Your whole world." Natasha finished her story with one last sob "I escaped again after that, met Clint, and found the place where they had buried her. My heart and soul are here. Buried six feet under in this forest."

"I'm so sorry, Tasha. I'm so sorry." You jumped forward and hugged Natasha

"Isn't your fault, kid." She patted your back, trying her hardest not to break down

"I also think I had a mother once, you know?! I can't remember her. Damn it! I can't even remember my own name. But I dream about her from time to time. Of how much she loved me. I'm not sure if it's only in my head or not, but..." You found yourself saying in hopes of making Natasha feel better

"I understand, kid. I do."

Natasha let go of you and with one last kiss and whispered 'I love you' to the gravestone, she drove you back to the compound.

—

Two months had passed since then and you two haven't talked about it. Not even once.

But one night, you ended up falling asleep in Natasha's room and she didn't have the heart to wake you up and take you to your own room. Instead, she snuggled closer to you and also fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, you stood up, scared, startling Natasha from her sleep.

"Y/N? What happened?" Natasha asked concerned

"Nothing." You tried to catch your breath "Just a dream."

You weren't brave enough to tell her that you dreamed about your mother again. But this time, your mom had Natasha's face.

Ever since she revealed her secret to you, you keep having these weird dreams.

"Want to go to the living room and watch a movie?" Natasha asked sleepily

"I'd love to. Thank you." You smiled gratefully

—

After everything was set up, you were sitting on the floor in front of Natasha and she was sitting on the couch.

Natasha reached her hand to your hair and shyly asked "Can I braid it?"

"Of course." You laughed "If you manage to actually do something with my hair."

You two sat quietly while the movie played, with Natasha braiding your hair. More like playing with it and running her fingers through it.

The woman's focus was broken when her eye caught a glimpse of something on the side of your head, nearly to the back and her fingers ghosted over a small scar.

"Hey, Y/N?"

"Yeah?" You answered, still focused on the TV

"From where did you get this scar?" She held her breath as she asked

"Oh, that? I don't remember a time when I didn't have it. I think I've always had it." You explained

You kept enjoying the movie after that, but Natasha's mind was fixed on only one thought.

She needs to talk with Bruce, Steve, and Clint first thing in the morning.

She needs some answers.

[maybelinefox]

2003 Lighthouse AU Chapter 3: Trust

Chapter under cut!

It's about a week before I declare Mikey infection-free, though I warn him and his brothers to keep an eye out for recurring symptoms. It's not like I have any real medical equipment to test for any lingering infection, so I must use my best judgement. But I don't want to be giving him the antibiotics if it's not necessary. We will have to keep cleaning the initial wound until it's healed to ensure it doesn't get re-infected, however, so treatment isn't really over yet.

With the announcement of Mikey's clean bill of health comes the lifting of Donny's grounding, and not even an hour after Leo tells him he can leave the cave is he at my door.

It only takes another week or so for Mikey to follow.

The two of them coming to the lighthouse to hang out becomes such a regular thing I have to limit them to a specific time of day so I can be sure I can get my actual job done before having to focus on keeping Mikey from breaking everything.

By the time my first month has come and gone, Leo has begun trailing along with his brothers. He doesn't come every time they do, and when he does, he doesn't interact much. Mostly he just keeps vigil near the door, watching what they do and ready to leave whenever they are. He seems to have taken a minor interest in the TV, watching it with Mikey while Donny and I talk about the lighthouse.

I've shown Donny all the mechanics of the thing and explained the manuals. He's gained an interest in learning to read, and I assume it's primarily to be able to read the manuals. So, I've started teaching him.

We develop a sort of routine. I get up shortly after sunrise and do the majority of my chores before the boys come over. Occasionally, I'll make them some food. They come over about midday and we talk for a bit, maybe play a board or card game, and then end up separating so Mikey and Leo can watch TV while I teach Donny to read. If I made them something to eat, I'll make them something to take back to Raph when they leave, which they usually do shortly after sunset.

This continues for about a month before one morning, when I'm just finishing up cleaning the windows in the tower. I look down to grab the spray bottle off the ground to set it back in its cabinet in the office when I notice something moving in the trees. I can't tell what it is, but I just figure it's one of the turtles heading over a bit early, so I shrug it off and head downstairs.

Deciding I'll make the boys pizza today, I pull one out of the freezer and turn around to preheat the oven, only to be met with a face glaring at me through the window.

"Woah!" I yelp and jump back, hitting the counter behind me.

"So I do scare you," Raph says matter-of-factly. The turtle is casually leaning in the open window, one arm flat against the sill and the other supporting his head. The second he saw me fall backwards, his glaring white-eyed stare took on more of a disinterested frown. Though I do believe I saw a slight tug upwards at the corners of his mouth in response to the scene in front of him.

I pull myself away from the counter to stand up straight.

"You startled me, is all. I wasn't expecting you to be standing there."

I step back towards the oven to continue my task of preheating it.

"All you do is clean things," Raph states in annoyance. "Why can't they be here for that?"

I sigh as I pull the oven mitts off their hook. Anything he can find to get angry at, he'll find it.

"I like my alone time. And I'd like to ensure I can focus on my job. I find it hard to focus when other people are around."

He watches me as I pull a baking pan out of a drawer and begin prepping the pizza to go in the oven.

"You show too easily," he states suddenly.

I turn to look behind my shoulder to see him.

"What do you mean?"

He points to his still white eyes.

"You show."

I furrow my brow in confusion.

"I show my eyes too easily?"

He nods with a little sarcastic flare, like that was obvious.

I sigh heavily.

"I can't cover my eyes like you can."

This time, it's his brow that furrows.

"You can't?"

I shake my head, going back to pulling the pizza out of the box.

"You have a white eyelid under your green one," I explain. "Some reptiles and other animals have that, but most mammals, like humans, don't. We just have the one set of eyelids."

He stares, surprised.

"Why?"

 I shrug.

"Well, I guess we don't need them. Animals that have them use them to protect their eyes from the elements, even when their eyes are open. But most mammals don't live in environments where they need that."

He stares for a moment, still confused, and I turn back to face him, leaning against the counter behind me to wait for the oven. Once I’m fully facing him, he lifts his head from his hand and looks me dead-on.

"Everybody needs that."

I tilt my head, confused again.

"Why?"

"So no one can see."

The oven beeps.

"See what?" I ask as I twist at the hip to put on the mitts.

"Your soul."

I turn back to look at him. He's staring at me like that's something I should have known already.

"Why would an inner eyelid protect your soul?" I ask as I put the pizza in the oven.

He huffs in annoyance. 

"Why do you not know things?"

I straighten back up as I close the oven door before reaching to the control panel to set the timer. Looking him as dead in the eyes as I can with his lack of pupils, I answer.

"Perhaps you and I have lived very different lives, and therefore know and don't know very different things. So we find it hard to see eye-to-eye because we don't understand how the other thinks."

Raph blinks at me, not sure how to reply.

"But," I start, taking the mitts off. "I would like to try to understand you, if you'd be willing to take the time to understand me."

Raph stares for a moment, contemplating, before pulling off of the windowsill and walking around to the door. Meeting him there, I open it right on time for him to step in without an invitation.

"Sure, come on in," I say sarcastically as I close the door.

"I will, thanks," he returns without missing a beat.

He looks around the place before ultimately deciding to lean on the kitchen counter. I pull a barstool around to the adjacent counter edge and sit facing him.

"Father said 'the eyes are the windows to the soul,'" Raph starts. "He said you could tell who a person is by watching their eyes."

"So you don't show your eyes because you don't want strangers seeing too much of you before you can trust them?"

He nods.

"Have to protect the soul," he states.

"I see...." Well that certainly clears things up. And also proves even more than I already knew that he doesn't trust me.

"How do you humans protect your soul?" He asks me.

In Donny's reading lessons, I've also been teaching him proper grammar. It has seemed from the little I've heard from Leo that he's been teaching his brothers grammatically correct speech patterns as well. Guess Raph's been listening in. Which is going to make this a much more interesting conversation. He wasn't much of a talker before, but now it seems that's a different story.

I shrug. "Gotta be creative on that front. Depends on who you ask."

He leans forward, resting his head on his hand as he lazily stares at me.

"Ayla, I'm trying to 'understand' here."

I chuckle.

"Ok, ok, it's just that it's not exactly a straightforward answer."

I lean back, trying to figure out how to describe it. And what I'm even trying to describe.

"It's different for everyone. Some people are perfectly happy to walk around showing themselves off to everyone they meet. We call those people 'open books', because it's so easy to 'read' them.” I emphasize using my fingers as quotations.  “Basically, they don't hide anything about themselves, and you know exactly who they are within the first few minutes of talking to them."

He's listening, but he seems like he's not sure what exactly he's listening to.

"And then there's people like me, who are very much not open books. I don't like talking about myself to other people. I don't go around showing off everything about myself to every person I meet. I don't reveal my entire life story to a stranger just because they asked if I have any pets. I prefer to wait until I've gotten to know someone before I go telling them things about myself or letting them see more of me."

"So, your inner eyelid is...talking?" He asks, still confused.

I shrug. "Kinda. It also has to do with how you act. Sometimes, very sweet and kind people will act all tough and mean in order to prevent people from trying to take advantage of them or catching them off-guard. It's another form of protecting both themselves and their soul."

"Seems kinda exhausting to do that all the time," he grumbles.

"Are you exhausted, then?" I ask.

He opens his mouth then closes it in a mixture of shock and confusion. Pulling his head off his hand, he leans back again.

"Why would I be?"

"Because you do that all the time when I'm around."

"No," he tries to deny. "This is who I am."

"If you're showing me who you are, why are your eyelids still closed?"

He doesn't respond to that. Just looks down at his hands fidgeting on the counter.

"Come on, Raph," I lean forward, placing my hand near his, but not touching. "I know you don't trust me, and I completely understand why, which is why I haven't tried to push anything. But I've seen the way you are around your brothers. Your tough act is put on to protect them. Your reserved nature is put on to let them have fun while you keep watch. Your distrust of me is to make sure that they don't get hurt because I got too close. Don't think I haven't noticed you watching the lighthouse from a distance while they're here. Everything you do is because you care so deeply about them you put them before yourself."

He stares at my hand as I talk, not moving towards it but not moving away either.

"And you're so gentle with them too. When Mikey was sick, you thumped his head several times to tell him he was doing something dumb, but you never put enough force behind it to actually hurt. When Donny built that model of the lighthouse and asked you to help him move it to your home, you held it like it would break if you breathed on it too hard. And you and Leo butt heads a lot, but you always allow yourself to see his side of things even if you don't agree with it just so you don't have to fight him on it anymore."

Raph sighs, bringing a hand to his face.

"You don't spend enough time around me to know all that."

"You can see deeper into a person's soul by really looking into their eyes, yes. But you can see just as much, if not more, by simply watching them, and seeing how they interact with others. I watch you as much as you watch me, Raph."

I lean back, leaving my hand sitting close to his.

"So, what have you learned about me by watching me with them?"

He doesn't say anything for a minute, hand still on his face, before he shakes his head, sighing deeply. Sounding almost defeated. 

He steps around me towards the barstool next to me and sits down, leaning forward with his arms on the counter. He watches his hands as they fidget with each other.

"You're serious about whatever this job is," he starts. "I don't know why. It's just a bunch of cleaning, but you seem to care about it. You care about the guys too. Have since day one. You took fixing Mikey up very seriously too, and you actually did it. Donny loves you, you know? I'm...happy...he's found someone he can talk machines with. He's always loved them, but he's never been able to get too close. Hasn't seen very many, either. Not a lot of those around here. And you're very...nice...about explaining stuff. You don't get upset if we ask questions. It becomes obvious very quickly if it's something you know a lot about and it's probably normal for you, but you never act like we should know it too. You just...explain."

Slowly, as he talks, his hands inch across the table, until one of them barely touches the tips of my fingers. He doesn't move any further, though. Which tells me he's still testing me, trying to see if I'll force any interaction.

I don't.

"You take time out of your day to make us food and spend time with them even though you don't have to. You make me food, even though I never come in and I’m always rude to you. You haven't tried to hurt us, and you don't act like you want to. I've been waiting this whole time for you to try to trick us into walking into a hunter's trap or something, but you let us do what we want without trying to get us to do anything we don't. I don't think a hunter, even a tricky one, would act like that for this long. You've already got their trust. It wouldn't be difficult."

He lets out a heavy, thoughtful sigh.

"You treat us like we're other humans. Every other human we've met doesn't even talk to us. They just try to hurt us. Or capture us. Like when they took Father."

He stares at his hands and mine, still barely touching, for a good minute before he speaks again. Very quietly this time.

"I guess I just...thought it was too good to be true."

I nod, understanding.

"Well, when you've been taught one thing all your life it's hard to believe otherwise, even when presented with facts," I shrug. "And you can never really tell with some of those 'facts', which just makes it harder."

"But you keep doing nice things for no reason. I sometimes feel like you're trying to lure us in with false promises."

I shake my head.

"I haven't promised anything. I just like you guys."

He stares at me, then looks back down at our hands.

"I've...I've been trying...to like you too..."

"Trying to like me or trying to allow yourself to like me?"

"What's the difference?"

"You've liked me since the first time I brought you guys food," I state as fact. He sighs in defeated confirmation.

"But you haven't allowed yourself to like me out of fear that feeling was misplaced. Trying to like me means you didn't before and are trying to find reasons to push your hate away to force yourself to like me."

He thinks for a moment.

"Unless I really am misreading you," I admit.

He shakes his head no.

"I've been trying to allow myself to like you," he corrects himself.

I move my hand slightly closer.

"And that's entirely your decision. I'm not gonna tell you how to think. I just hope you understand before you make that decision that not all humans are the same. Some of us are just trying to live our lives and aren't looking for trouble or things to destroy. And at the end of the day, we're all just people. We all have very different lives and see the world in very different ways, but that doesn't change the fact that we're all just people, existing together at the same time. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse, but always just to survive. Just for the sake of existence."

He watches my hand as I speak, then continues staring at it after I'm done talking.

The oven goes off not long after we fall silent, and Raph jerks in surprise. I get up to turn it off and remove the pizza, setting it on a separate pan on the counter so it can cool off a bit before the others get here. I slice it to help it cool faster before sitting back down.

Just a moment after I sit, I feel a cold hand covering mine.

I look up to see Raph calmly looking directly into my eyes with his very big, very kind, brown ones. They're cold on the edges, but the closer I look, the warmer they feel.

"I think I've been surviving too long," he says quietly. And if I didn't know any better, I'd say he sounds like he's about to cry with the weight of that statement.

I cover his hand with my free one.

"Whenever you get that feeling, you're welcome to come here to escape it."

And for the first time since I've known him, a genuine smile graces Raph's normally scowling face.

Suddenly, there's a loud knock at the door.

"I smell it!" Mikey shouts excitedly. "There's pizza in there!"

I sigh, Raph and I both rolling our eyes as I stand up.

"Sure is," I answer, making my way towards the door. "Just took it out of the oven."

"And it's gonna be all mine if you don't get your lazy shells in here," Raph threatens as soon as the door is open.

"Raph?" Donny holds a look of pure shock on his features as he locks eyes on his brother.

"I was wondering where you were," Leo states.

"Did ya miss me?" Raph asks as he quickly grabs a slice before Mikey can get to the pizza.

"I was gonna go looking for you after dropping them off," Leo answers, stepping into the house behind Donny. "Glad I don't have to. Would have kept me away from the pizza."

"Love you too, bro," Raph states behind an eye roll.

"Your eyes are open," Donny points out, reaching for his own slice of pizza.

Raph shrugs.

"Got tired of keeping them closed all the time."

I smile. Guess he was telling the truth when he said this is who he is. Though, there is an extra layer of sarcasm that wasn't there before.

*****

It takes a bit, but I finally get a rough estimate of their ages. They're all roughly the same age as far as they know, and after explaining what a year is to Donny and helping him figure out the timeline by way of calendars, we conclude they're teenagers. They're definitely older than 12 or 13, but they're also definitely not in their twenties yet. So, with that close as possible guesstimation out of the way, I finally know how to treat them. I’m also glad I wasn’t treating them like little kids, even though I kinda thought they were.

It's also made rather obvious to me that they have been without their father, (their only parent), since they were too young to be alone. Based on the attempted timeline Donny and I put together, they were probably about ten or a little younger when he was taken.

And they've been surviving out here without him ever since.

There's no tribe, or hidden unknown species that only exists on this island. It's just the four of them. They have no idea where they came from. The first thing any of them can remember is playing together in and around that cave with their father watching them, or listening to him tell them stories around the lanterns.

"He used to tell stories all the time of his master," Leo explained one evening, just over a month after Raph finally accepts me, on a night when the boys all stayed for dinner.

"His master?"

"Yeah. He called him 'Master Yoshi', and he spoke like he was some great, wise man Father looked up to."

"Do you know anything else about him?" I ask, fully intending on finding this guy if he's still alive.

Raph shakes his head. "Other than he died before Father found us and he was always 'training', or something. Just a few stories of things he did.”

Well, him dead isn't helpful.

“He trained us a little too,” Donny adds. “And he said it was the way his Master trained, but I don’t remember much about that anymore."

"Did the angry man ever say anything to you about what happened to him?"

At Leo's question, all eyes turn to me, and all sounds of chewing stop.

I let out a disappointed sigh as I shake my head.

"He was telling me about you guys and mentioned that one of you was captured a few years ago. That's all he ever said. Not sure he would know anyway, since he's not the one that orchestrated the whole thing."

"Orca'd what?" Mikey asks.

"Orchestrated means he planned and controlled the whole thing. But he didn't do that. He called the other people in to do that, and he said they were the ones that caught your dad. He may not know what they did with him, just that they took him."

All eyes look down as the boys feel the same disappointment wash over them.

Then the phone springs to life, and everyone jumps in surprise.

"What's that?" Mikey asks, concerned.

"It's not stopping like the oven did," Raph states.

They all seem a little freaked, but aren't actively panicking due to me calmly getting up to deal with it. I feel their eyes watching me warily as I head towards the phone.

"It's just the phone," I explain. "Someone who's not on the island wants to talk to me, and the phone is how they do that."

"Oh, that's so cool...." Donny drops his head onto his hand to watch as I pick up the phone off the wall.

"Hello?" I greet, gesturing to the boys to be quiet.

"Well, hello there, little lady," a slightly familiar voice comes across from the other end.

"Phil?" I ask, suddenly very grateful the boys don't actually know his name. If they did, they'd probably be throwing a fit or trying to leave now that I've said it out loud.

"Sure is," he laughs. "Hey, look, I understand if this is short notice, and you can say no if you want."

Uh oh.

I glance to the turtles, and the worry must show on my face, as Leo and Raph stand, looking ready to fight something. I hold my hand up to tell them to calm down and wait a moment as I listen to Phil continue.

"But I thought I might take you up on that offer to come visit when I'm missing the place, if that's alright?"

Dammit, I did offer that didn't I?

"Well, when were you thinking?" I ask, ready to shove the boys under the floorboards if he turned out to be at the pier already.

"Well, see, I'm calling from my boat."

Shit.

I rush to the back window to see if I can see him out in the water. Sure enough, there's a boat-shaped dot in the distance a few miles out, having only just left the mainland a few minutes prior.

"Ah, I see," I rush back towards the table. "Well, I do have a couple other things to do, so let me hurry and get those done so I can welcome you when you get here."

At that, Mikey and Donny stand, Mikey grabbing up the rest of the food and stealing a couple plates to carry it as Donny and Raph begin clearing the table. Leo stalks around the rooms, trying to find any proof they'd been here.

"Oh, that's fine, I'll let ya go then. Thank ya kindly, Miss Ayla."

"Sure, Phil. See ya in a bit."

I plop the phone back on the hook.

"Who was that?" Mikey asks as he throws the food in a bag Donny is holding out to him. Don instantly grabs the plates from Mikey with an eye roll and takes them to the sink to wash them.

"Uh, I'll tell you later, you guys need to get out of here before he's close enough to see you leaving."

"Nothing up there," Raph jumps down from the bedroom, ignoring the stairs. "Reorganized the books so they don't know you're teaching someone how to read."

He hands Donny his notebook he's been practicing letters in, to which Donny responds with an appreciative chirp as he accepts the book from his brother.

I suddenly notice how practiced this all seems. It's only happened twice before when the supply guy pops in, but it's usually not this rushed since I know at least a day in advance he's coming.

"Let's go then," Leo opens the door to usher everyone out.

"When will he be gone?" Mikey asks, backing towards the door and shoving a muffin into his mouth.

I shrug. "No idea. I'd recommend staying away till morning. Or, at the very least, check to see if there's a second boat at the pier before leaving the trees."

Raph nods as he follows Donny out the door.

"Sure thing."

Leo nods to me as well before closing the door behind them.

I spray a bit of air freshener around the inside of the building and open all the windows, hoping the ocean breeze will get rid of whatever smell they may have left behind. I've gotten used to it, of course, but I'm fairly certain I remember there being a smell to them.

By the time Phil pulls up to the pier, all trace of the turtles has been expelled from the building, along with a gentle, cool breeze making the inside of the feel lighthouse nice and calmingly comfortable.

"Afternoon, Phil!" I call from the rock after exiting the house. He waves up to me from his boat.

"Afternoon, Ayla!" He calls back.

Smiling, I take his outstretched hand as we meet at the bottom of the rock.

"How's mainland life treating ya, Phil?"

"Oh, very well, actually," he states. "I found me a nice little house near the beach."

I laugh, turning back towards the lighthouse. "You really couldn't leave this life behind, could ya?"

Shaking his head, he falls into step beside me.

"Nope. Just couldn't bear the thought of not waking up to the sound of the waves right out the window."

As we enter the lighthouse, I feel eyes on me. Doing my best not to look out to the trees and possibly give the boys away, I close the door behind us and turn back to Phil with a smile as his eyes fondly roam around the room.

Phil and I spend a couple hours chatting about lighthouse and sea life, and he spends a good bit just enjoying the feeling of being in the lighthouse again. I do notice after a while that he keeps glancing towards the stairs. He makes a few remarks or requests that are seemingly pointed towards taking me out of the room and leaving him alone in the living room.

So I don't leave him alone, and keep finding excuses to stay in the room with him.

Eventually it becomes too awkward and suspicious for him to continue trying to get me out of the room, so he doesn't. Instead, he decides to use a different tactic, and asks to go up into the light. I agree, and we head upstairs. After a few minutes up there, he remarks he'd like a glass of water and begins heading down to get one.

"Oh no, I'll get one for you," I exclaim, cutting him off by moving to the stairs before him. "You've been gone from this for a while. I'll let you savor it for a minute."

He can't seem to find the words to argue that in the time it takes me to head down the stairs into the bedroom.

I take a little time getting the water, glancing out the window towards the trees. I don't see them, but I feel them watching. I figure by now they know exactly who's in here.

I wonder if Raph will let me explain before he closes his eyes to me again.

The rest of the visit begins to drop off as we have less and less to speak of. I wonder many times if I should ask him about the turtle's father, but I don't want to say anything that may make him suspicious, so I'm waiting for him to say something I could use to lead into it.

He beats me to it, however.

Glancing over towards the front door as we're sitting over spaghetti he insisted on making due to his recipe being the best to ever exist, Phil notices the gun he left.

Zipped up.

"You use that yet?" he asks, gesturing with his head towards the rifle.

I take a small glance towards it before shaking my head.

"Haven't needed to."

He tilts his head.

"Really? They ain't shown themselves yet?"

I shrug.

"Ain't seen nothin abnormal."

"Huh," he sees surprised. I hadn’t thought the turtles would spend that much time showing themselves to this guy that wanted them dead.

He then shrugs, going back to his spaghetti.

"Well, it's only been a couple months. They'll turn up. I'd suggest you be ready when they do." He nods towards the gun.

I take my chance.

"On that note, I've been wondering something."

"Hmm?" 

"You said people came by to try and catch whatever these things you saw are. Did you call them whenever you saw them or did they come by regularly?"

"Oh, every couple months or so," he answers, raising a forkful of food. "They've got other places to be, apparently."

"And they caught one?"

"Sure did," he takes the bite, looking up to think as he chews. "This one was different, from what they told me. They were looking for those big green things I'd been seeing, and they saw them a couple times, but the one they caught was not that."

"Really?" I ask with a slight chuckle. "There's more monsters out there?"

"Oh, I wouldn't be laughing," he gives me a warning look. "That means more danger. I been worried about ya. Little lady like you shouldn't be out here in a place like this by yourself with all those things out there."

"I can shoot."

"Not if the gun is zipped in a bag."

I look back over to it as he continues.

"Nah this thing was different. Smaller than the people that caught it. Said it looked more like a rat. Fury thing with a tail and long nose."

"A rat? Now how do you expect me to not laugh at that?"

"Rats are dangerous on their own believe you me. A big one? Pure death I can only assume."

I try not to roll my eyes.

He can only assume.

All you can do is assume when you don’t actually know.

"Well, what'd they do with this dangerous giant rat?" I ask in a sarcastic tone as I take another bite.

He shrugs. "Dunno. Don't think they killed it. They seemed pretty intent on making sure whatever they caught was taken alive. But whatever happened after it left the island, I have no clue."

Damn.

Well, it's something, at least. He wasn't dead when he left the island, and they wanted to keep him alive for something.

That could either be a good thing, or a really bad thing.

We finish up the visit with him being unable to find a reason to stay, and I find myself waving to him from the rock again as he starts up his boat and leaves once more.

Finally.

I've taken a single step back into the lighthouse when I hear feet slapping the rock behind me, and I ready myself for the barrage I knew was coming. I'd just hoped it wouldn't be immediately after, though I guess I should have known better.

"That was him!" Donny yells as Raph slams the door back open behind me. I begin pulling off my jacket.

"Yep."

"That was the angry man!" Mikey jumps in front of me to see my face.

"Sure was," I confirm as I reach around him to hang my coat up.

"You said he was gone," Leo states. "Why was he here?"

"More importantly," Raph puts himself directly in front of me as I turn around, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. "Why were you smiling and laughing with him?"

I sigh.

"You guys wanna sit down?"

"No, we want to know why you're all buddy-buddy with that guy."

I can see the white threatening to re-cover Raph's eyes.

"I'm not ‘buddy-buddy’ with him. He called to ask if he could come see the lighthouse, and I only agreed so I could see if I could pick his brain about what happened to your dad."

All eyes widen in shock, and no one says anything for a few moments as a collective gasp runs through the boys.

"So?" I start, heading towards the couch. "Do you guys wanna sit down?"

Masterpost First | Prev | Next

[cherry-bomb-ships]

OOG OOG 1, 3, 4 and 9 for the animation meme !!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU BEHE MY FRIEND BEHE 🧡🧡🧡🧡

1) Show me some concept art!! How different do they look in comparison? 

Ooooh I'll do you one BETTER, here's 3 original pencil test animatics for the Powerpuff Girls back when they were still called the "Whoop-Ass Girls" 😅 Two of these eventually went on to be real episodes, the middle pencil test being a very short, very early version of "Monkey See, Doggy Do", the first episode of the series!! It also has Rob Renzetti, the creator of My Life as a Teenage Robot, doing the voice for Mojo since its just a lil test thing

This is... honestly strange. I am definitely a much much bigger fan of Mojo's design and voice in the finished show (angry lil evil geniuses with voices way too deep for their size my beloved) but its of course so fascinating to see where it all began!! Also very noteworthy that he has the title of "Dr." here. Who gave that chimp a PhD 😂 (side note very funny that the uploader of this has a Cortex profile pic. Can I ever escape 💀)

3) Which medium is your f/o animated in? 2D, 3D? Do you think they’d look better in a different one? 

The show is of course in that lovely old cel-animation 2D (up until they went digital in the last 2 seasons but I like the pre-digital look a bit more), and tbh I want it to stay JUST like that 😭 The only way a 3D style would work for me is if is was extremely stylized, like that newest TMNT movie where you can picture the characters in 2D perfectly.

That being said! I have not yet seen that one CG special they made in 2014 and I actually don't even know if Mojo Jojo's in that or not anyway, so if he is, when I eventually watch that then I'll know how I feel abt him in 3D! :3

4) Which “era” of animation is your f/o from? 

The beautiful cartoon wra of the late 90s, when everything was still 2D cel animated, episodic, and very, VERY zany 💖💖💖💖 Listen I adore cartoons nowadays I will not complain about the current state of story driven series, but there is something so nostalgic and fun about the old format of going back to the status quo every episode 💖 That aside! I adore how the "UPA style" of simple shapes was all over the goddamn place at this point in time, and I'd say Powerpuff Girls is the most iconic example of this style!!

9 was already answered, so sorry 🥺

💜 ask game here! 💜

[allqrcoded]

Devlog 8: The thing they say about being slow and steady

And so, we're getting there: asset hell part 2, CGs edition. This March a LOT has been accomplished. As of recently, I feel like I've taken care most of the bugs regarding variable counts and while more manwork is still needed within the game (ie. asset/CG work, etc.), I'm glad to say that the game is functional -- no softlocks and all. As always, more detail below the cut. Surprisingly, this devlog was longer than I anticipated. This time, with more screenshots because I was too lazy to do so last month.

Bug fixing 2/3/playtesters

Around the midway point of March, I've finally done my second round of bug fixing for any loose strands I didn't notice the first time around after getting enough free time to do so. Unlike angel care, I wasn't dealing with fixing past me's code because I had more experience on my belt and thankfully, it went smoother than last time. While there were some variable issues I (and my playtesters) ran into, those were easily taken care of. Luckily, it was just one instance and the bug wasn't that far into the game, so less text skipping for them! It also gives them the assurance that the latter portions of the game will go much more smoothly because those portions don't have as much problems with them. Albeit, I wasn't that aware of how long I take to gamedev in the weekends, but recently, I found out that I roughly take around 5 hours per session just bug fixing. Suffice to say, maybe I should be scared of myself.

Regarding the 3rd bug testing label -- yes you're not seeing things. That was done recently, actually. By recently I mean this afternoon, so I assure you that I'm not bluffing on how bug-free the late game section is for Dt-z. With this game, I've gotten more friends to playtest so there's this sort of pressure imposed on myself, by myself, to give them the best experience of the game (even though that at its state, it isn't quite polished in my mind to call it finished; placeholders and all).

Though, other than that self-imposed standard after releasing Dt-z's build to them, it's honestly pretty rewarding to see their reactions to Rexosh's shenanigans and to the game currently despite it not reaching my standard set for it. Quite a refresher. When you work on a game too hard and look at it too much, you start to see it from a lens that's too critical of its flaws and slowly forget of the things you are proud of. Makes me think about the things I feel about gamedevving as a whole; it's hard as hell and you *will* lose your mind a bit, but it's worth it in the end.

All things asset (UI, BGM, etc.)

With the implication of me sending out Dt-z's build to people other than me comes with the information that, indeed, I've finished making most (as in, the ones that the player will stumble onto without collecting certain items, etc.) of the maps' overlay lighting! It was tedious, a bit boring, but it was done; currently sitting at 98 files in the graphic's folder itself. And yes, that also includes the fancy sprites. While I did have to wrestle a bit with VX Ace's placement of them on the map itself (since on the editor itself, the event placement lies to you), I imported them on the editor and got most of the basic and fancy cutscene directing checked off my list. Got to say, me not using any overlay plugins for angel care's lighting made that part easier because with pictures, they do not go under the filter and stick out like a sore thumb. While it's the easier method, the visual dissonance doesn't stick to me.

Speaking of, the CGs are also on their way being polished. While I focused a lot this month on the core gameplay itself, this part will probably take up most of my time in April. Despite having one CG I liked in game, I have a feeling I'd have to resize the canvas a bit because I don't like how the other CG looks in-game. Anyway, here are previews of some of them in the early game:

Very small, but rest assured, they'll be resized once everything's set with them. I also realized along the way that VX Ace's screen size was just not compatible with how I tend to do my CG work now (small canvas, then resize) because the resizing percent isn't a whole number, so I've started to come up with a compromise to not ruin the pixels I placed down. A couple of special face portraits/in-world sprites have also been completed this month.

Thankfully, I figured out how to remove the status bars along with the face portrait elements whenever you pull up the menu to save/what have you this month, so the save screen looks less ugly than it was months ago. UI sounds have also been implemented within the game.

Anyway, suffice to say, I think this month marks the end of my BGM hunt. Now the game has a whole lot of atmosphere to it. Got to say, I really love Japanese sites for getting creative commons music. While Dt-z doesn't really have that much original tracks like angel care, I'll still upload them on here for the sake of archiving things.

Lore/puzzles

I think I forgot to say this last devlog because I was too focused on documenting my asset making, but, yes, there were some lore changes for the story to have more impact + the element of parallelism to be more evident. Thanks to talking through with this with my friend in vague terms (a very useful tactic), we figured out a way to deal with something that was bugging me in the story itself. Puzzles to get certain items for endings have been adjusted and coded in too.

For the old lore, I was thinking of including it in an artbook or a retrospective blog entry on here because I love talking about drafts + to compromise with making Dt-z free to play w/o any donations due to the license of some tracks used there.

What now?

Okay, so. From what we have here, these are the tell-tale signs of us reaching the latter half of asset making hell -- just a couple more fancy sprites and the rest of the CGs to go. April will be a veeery busy month for me both IRL and regarding this project. It'll be difficult because I have (of course) my wrist to worry about and my mental state regarding dealing with a handful people (lol). But, yes. At the latest, I could see May being the month where this releases, but realistically speaking, it could be June instead. I am... Both very excited and scared of those months for completely different reasons; I'd be closing a chapter in my life and beginning a new one. Looking back at where I was during AC/Dt-z now, it's kinda jarring and makes me feel sentimental in an odd way. But, for now, I'll be beating the heat and resting for a bit.

[bossyuri]

Ima put my random thoughts about SRV in here! It probably won't make much sense but wtv sdfsg

again I haven't placed the last building or conquered the whole map yet, as context, but i did finish the main story aside from that.

So ima start of with thoughts while disregarding how the bugs affected the experience!

Overall, I had a good time! I really enjoyed it. I love the new crew. I loved the focus on friendship. I'd say the story overall is nothing really special though, which I don't think is necesserily a bad thing. Sometimes a chill story packaged in a fun game is good ya know.

I loved finding out bits and pieces about our friends through dialogue, I think that was great, and I really liked that it felt like a solid friend group. Modern Yuri (as I like to colloqually call him lmao) is so much more mellow from having a good support system early on lol. But he's still got some Classic Yuri in him.

The rival gangs I think that thematically, visually, their music and stuff, they were great. I liked them a lot, they had good contrast, their music when you fight them rules. I do think that they were a little underused in the actual story though so they don't quite leave the impact that say, the Syndicate did. The threat they posed felt more theorical than anything you actually see. Again not the worst thing, but I feel like they could've used a bit more time to be more present. (I did like how the Panteros stuff ended because it tied in with other things later though!). Like I think in particular that the collective could have been used a lot more.

That said I did play with looong months-long break for the first quarter of the game so idk how that affected my impression. And the last few missions I think were really, really cool, I really liked them! But I felt like the middle parts after a certain point weren't quite as memorable.

But I don't think it was bad! And the game isn't quite over yet, so I'm looking forward to what's to come.

Also I did like how narratively the game tries to give you a nice fantasy release from a lot of real life issues. I'm sure many people at Volition had to face these frustrations in their lives and it felt like. relatable yknow.

Now though.....so I work in game QA, going on my 7th year, and the game released in....really an unnacceptable state, which was really a bummer and really harmed it. I don't blame the devs. Devs want to give us good games. But they don't control release dates.

and they did not control covid. I know a lot people see covid as an "excuse" to fuck up games but trust me as someone who was working in the industry through it all, it absolutely messed up a *lot* of stuff that you may never know about. My setup from home is still not ideal. And thats not even getting into employee burnout but anyway-

I've had crashes to desktop, blockers in missions (regularly), broken multiplayer (tho i havent had a chance to test it again after patches) needing full game restarts for a variety of reasons (clothes broken, face broken, world stopped populating, quest blocked...) the clothes system still breaks for me after so many months after release (thought its a lot better. i dont fear the stores as much anymore lol). I don't know if it's a quirk of the PC version, but it would have been so much more of a good experience if they had had the time to polish the game more before release. Lots of gamers don't have much patience for this kinda shit, and it's a shame for a game that has a lot of love put into it.

But they're still patching the game, and the QOL changes that they keep adding are really good. The game is a lot more stable for me too so I will definitely keep playing, and I'm hoping that my mental state will allow me to make some fun content from it. I'm still kinda hoping for a steam release sometime so I might get to replay the story again if that happens. Because taking screenshots on epic is a goddamn pain.

So huh anyway. I don't think anyone cares that much but if you've read that far thank you! And also thanks for sticking around with me for so long despite my dropping off the face of the earth in a depression spiral. But I'm still around and Yuri is still around. And Saints Row V is fun!

[protoslacker]

What I remember most about reading in childhood was falling in love with characters and stories; I adored Judy Blume’s Margaret and Beverly Cleary’s Ralph S. Mouse. In New York, where I was in public elementary school in the early ’80s, we did have state assessments that tested reading level and comprehension, but the focus was on reading as many books as possible and engaging emotionally with them as a way to develop the requisite skills. Now the focus on reading analytically seems to be squashing that organic enjoyment. Critical reading is an important skill, especially for a generation bombarded with information, much of it unreliable or deceptive. But this hyperfocus on analysis comes at a steep price: The love of books and storytelling is being lost.

Katherine Marsh quoted in a post by Diane Ravitch at Diane Ravitch's Blog. Katherine Marsh: Why Children Don’t Fall in Love with Reading

I struggled to finish books when I was young. In eleventh grade something clicked, and I read a lot of books that year. I thought I hadn't read books before then, but I have strong memories of stories I'd read before then. Sometimes even parts of stories can move us. For example when I was ten I attempted to read The Light in the Forest by Conrad Richter.

I read enough of the story to know the protagonist John Butler was kidnapped by the Lenape and adopted into a Lenape family as True Son. Later he is returned but refuses white culture. I probably skipped to the ending of the book. It's been a long time since reading it, but my memory has it that True Son is in the middle of a river when he understands that the Lenape refuse him. I was astonished--gobsmacked. The story impressed on me the importance of culture and I really felt it.

Stories matter and we should take care to share them with each other and especially with children.

[purplesurveys]

1724

When you’re visiting a site, do you still type ‘www.’? I don't and don't think I have in the last, like...13, 14 years.

Can you still read the time if an analogue clock doesn’t have numbers on it? Like if it's just those short lines? Sure. It'd take me a few seconds though hah.

To whom will/did you first talk about the first time you’ve had sex?  I don't think I ever shared that particular experience with anyone. My friends and I just eventually started talking about sex and our sexual experiences gradually, like as we got older and as it became a quiet understanding that we were all doing it.

Have you ever fallen asleep while taking an exam?  No. If I finish early, I was the type to keep going over my answers again and again to make sure I was satisfied with them. Sometimes I'd play with my pen or daydream or whatever, but I'd never sleep.

Tell me something ridiculous about the place or country you live in:  Nobody makes enough fucking money here and that's why nobody ever moves out of their homes and that's why nobody is happy. Also, we regularly make fun of the police because they don't know how to do their jobs and think shooting solves everything. Oh and the fact that we are an extremely religious country, automatically making our culture and society a suffocatingly conservative one.

Sorry, I know you implied to name just one ridiculous thing but when I tell you the Philippines is just in itself a horrific meme of a country...

Did you know that ` is not an apostrophe? Are you guilty of using it?  I know it's not an apostrophe but I've never learned what it's called either. No, I have never used that as an apostrophe.

Have you ever gave the rejection hotline number to anyone?  No...that exists?

What is something you didn’t like about being thirteen?  Struggling to adjust to high school.

What can you hear right now?  SE SO NEON.

Do you think it’s okay for kids to have cellphones?  Sure. I feel like I'm in no place to speak about this as I got my first cellphone when I was 7 haha.

Do you watch anime? If so, what are some of your favorites?  I don't. I tried getting into Attack on Titan super recently but life got busy at the same time I started it so I never really was able to get invested. What I've enjoyed before, though, are Pokémon and Your Name.

A quote/funny line from the last movie you saw?  Not funny, but "Private An Jun Ho!" from DP, a Korean drama I started over the weekend. Apparently in the military you need to state your name every time you're called by a senior, so that line is said 75934398420343204 times in the series.

Don’t you hate yes/no surveys? Or do you prefer the ones that make you think and explain your thoughts?  I used to dislike them, but once I figured I can just say Yes/No but then also elaborate, they didn't seem so bad and boring anymore.

Do you have a favorite curse word? If so, what is it and why?  Fuck. It's just applicable in so many situations and is also so flexible as a curse word hahaha.

How well would you say you do in school? Do you actually exert effort or are you naturally good at your subjects? I was a carefree student in that I would put a lot of effort in subjects I liked; do enough just to get by in subjects I don't necessarily care for but don't expect to ever fail in; and entirely not give a shit about subjects I hate, even if it means failing tests. In the end, that behavior made me an average student who faked my way to the finish line through my writing, being the one thing I'm good at.

Or do you not care at all? Why?  I only started taking school seriously in junior and senior year of high school (because my dream university considered your grades in those levels as part of your overall entrance exam score); and in college (because this is when your performance actually starts to matter as far as landing jobs, and because I wanted to graduate with Latin honors).

Do you have any siblings? If so which one of them do you get along with the best?  I have two siblings and get along very well with my sister.

What’s your favorite TV show? And who’s your favorite character from it?  Breaking Bad will always own my heart. Fave character goes to Gus Fring.

Is there someone that you look up to? If so, who and why?  I used to not believe in role models until I encountered Namjoon – RM, the leader of BTS. Now that's an example of a guy who's turned piles of chicken shit that was pelted violently towards him into perfect, pristine, delicious chicken salad. I feel like he is ARMY's unofficial therapist too lmao; he's always spewing out creative metaphors in describing life and its realities while still steering such realities to something hopeful and positive. He's a born writer, a born artist, and a born leader.

Do you take surveys on other sites besides Bzoink?  I used to get my surveys from Bzoink but have never made an account on there; I've only ever openly done this here on Tumblr.

When did/will summer start for you? The warm season started in April and ended around July.

Do you have a poor eyesight? If so, what is the power of your eyes?  I have horrible eyesight. I think we do the levels differently in the Philippines but in any case, the last time I had new glasses done my left eye was around 160 and my right eye at 400+.

…do you use glasses or contacts for it?  Glasses. You could never get me to wear contact lens.

Have you violated any of the 10 Commandments? If so, what?  I'm sure I have. A bunch.

What would you consider to be your most valued possession? Why?  My ticket to Yoongi's concert, because it was the happiest day of my life.

Are you ever satisfied? Or are you one of those people who always want more? I'm a perfectionist who's trying to slow down and be satisfied with whatever it is I accomplish. Done is better than perfect.

What were you like as a kid?  Too shy you could barely feel my presence anywhere.

[nfumbewalk]

Proj #163.190

Burn, baby, burn!

This is about my book project. I'm sure ppl know that I broke the law and my offense code was 163.190 in the State of Oregon vs. (My name).

I have two titles and I don't know which ones better. Can you all help me? I have:

"Muerteria: A Deathly Path," OR

"Muerteria: A Deathly Practice."

Pls comment about which one you like better or perhaps: Give me a better one & you'll get credit & a copy of the book!

It isn't urgent! The finishing time is roughly early 2026, could be sooner. If ANY of you know a good occult publisher NOT like haughty and scholarly outfits such as Scarlet Imprint or places similar, pls tell me!!

Reason? I'm smart enough and know some big words but it means nothing at all. Just because you can wax your talk intelligently doesn't mean your message is effective in the real world nor does it mean its powerful.

My message is going somewhere. Every person I know personally - friends or just passing - wants to know MORE about Muerteria. They are not just being nice. I get a little flabbergasted, especially if its a stranger! Its happened - a couple of doctors (shrink and internist) took me aside and asked serious technical questions, but nothing about therapeutics on my behalf. Which was weird.

Ppl really do get the wrong idea about necromancy, but really who doesn't? Everything is technically labeled wrong. Every practice with the muertos is called necromancy. But it really just means divination by means of the dead. That's the Greek suffix, -mancy. I am pretty good with breaking down Greek words because I was in medicine. I find it fun! Now, another one is necrosophy, or the wisdom or knowledge of the dead. Another great Greek suffix, -sophy. Damn, I love those!

So, really, using a Ouija board IS necromancy by definition. Muertera/o/ists can use them, but they must go through a cleansing process and spend five days with your muertos grave dirt on it. Then, a ritual process known as Taruc Danae, which requires special ingredients that are gathered only once a year. If the Ouija board is new, it needs a basic smudging and anointing with a blessing oil, sacred to Muerteria. We only use Common Sage, not White, in Muerteria. The reasons are boundless. Don't make me post them! I'm part Native American and it ruffles my feathers. Ugh!

Anyway, Muerteria has some dark practices but sorry - no conventional sex and drugs. There are human bones used, but obtained legally. Human cremains are used too, if you own them. Muertera/o/ists do absolutely nothing illegal that has to do with the muerto's body or anything of that sort. No desecration of graves, mausoleum's or anything of that kind! You don't have to practice "black" magic, or any magic at all in this practice.

The only thing that is required is having a muerto that you have a pact with. "Honoring the muertos" is nothing in itself. You need the power exchange with a dead person. There's no maybe's or sort of, no long bout of "testing the water." There IS such a thing as being a student! But if you don't get it within 1 1/2 to maybe 2 years (stretching it!), then perhaps Muerteria isn't for you - at the moment. Study hard and try later. And yes, there are tests.

My attitude may be snarky, kinda rude, and irreverent sometimes, but there are much worse that I've seen and known personally. In the Demon/Satanic community in particular. I'm quite soft in comparison and I do NOT curse in my books, especially the "F" word on the first page?!! I just looked at a Kindle sample, saw that, looked no further, then trashed the sample! Yes, we're all adults (not necessarily) but not all of us speak like trash. And I don't want to see it in an "respected author's" book on the occult!

So, done for now. Pls comment on my book title! I'd appreciate it ten thousand fold!

M.M. 💖💀💖

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Kevin Chaiken

Published: Oct 26, 2024

a group of anonymous 𝕏 accounts are shaping narratives by influencing industry leaders, public intellectuals, and politicians — we asked them how they got here

“There are only two ways of telling the complete truth — anonymously and posthumously.” —Thomas Sowell

Throughout history, anonymity has been a powerful tool for truth-seekers, heretics, and anyone pushing boundaries. In American politics, distributing anonymous writing has been a central force since the founding of the country. Publius was the collective pseudonym of Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and John Jay when they wrote the Federalist Papers in 1787, which played a crucial role in the ratification of the United States Constitution and the shaping of the country as we know it today.

Today, political discourse takes place on 𝕏, where anonymous accounts can wield significant cultural and political power. As we approach the presidential election, we asked some key anonymous accounts —followed by prominent decision makers across politics, business, technology, and science— about their experiences behind the scenes.

The Rabbit Hole, i/o, and Crémieux are data-focused accounts that cumulatively have garnered billions of impressions over the last year. The individuals behind these accounts all started using 𝕏 as ways to express themselves and their beliefs, and despite facing threats on and offline, their rapid rise to prominence has led to meetings with Elon Musk, job offers at high-frequency trading firms, and interactions with intellectual heroes.

What is the origin story of your account? Why did you stay anon, and what were your initial goals? How has your experience differed from your expectations?

The Rabbit Hole: There were, and still are, trends in American culture that concern me: attacks on free speech, a disregard for truth in favor of comforting lies, and demographic essentialism. I started “The Rabbit Hole” (TRH) a few years ago with a desire to test my ideas and see how well I could navigate the discourse. For a few months, the account lay dormant before becoming active on 𝕏 in April of 2022. A lot of it was loose and fun, especially early on.

I started off as a reply guy for Intellectual Dark Web type accounts like Wilfred Reilly and Colin Wright amongst others and eventually found myself engaging with a wider variety of people. My approach as a reply guy was usually to post data-themed visuals that I felt were relevant to the original post and contributed to the conversation in a meaningful way; through this approach, I accumulated my initial following. One of my favorite early memories was getting my first quote tweet from a large account; I think this was an early hint that my style and interests might have broader appeal.

Eventually, my activity began to catch the eyes of Elon Musk, Jordan Peterson, Caitlyn Jenner, and other high-profile figures which further fueled the account’s growth. TRH finished 2022 with ~80k followers, 2023 with ~480k followers, and is currently sitting at ~730k followers.

I’m not completely sure what concrete initial goals I had so it’s hard to compare specific early expectations to how things have turned out, but I can confidently say the growth rate of the account has exceeded anything I envisioned. Early on, I thought I could (with consistency and discipline) achieve 100k followers within 5-10 years so achieving that goal in under a year of the account becoming active has been crazy to see. TRH will likely surpass 1 million followers by the time it reaches the 5-year benchmark I once had in mind for 100k followers.

i/o: Back in 2017, I started an online group devoted to centrism and free speech, with an emphasis on raw data and information in scientific journals, gained some followers and then decided in 2018 that I'd create an anonymous Twitter account to promote the group. When the Twitter account immediately took off, I moved my posting over to Twitter.

But on Twitter I was constantly being suspended for posting stats on topics like immigration in Europe, and got so discouraged by the suspensions that, in 2022, I deleted my account.

After a few months, I missed Twitter, so I started a new anonymous account from scratch under a different name, and it blew up to over 30,000 followers in just a few weeks. But within two months of my first tweet on this new account, I got indefinitely locked out for posting a stat from the FBI's official database about the increase in the black homicide rate. My appeal requests weren't acknowledged, but eventually Rabbit Hole used his connections to the new owner, Elon Musk, to help get me reinstated. Since then, it's been smooth sailing.

I've always been anonymous. I live in a leftwing town and in a precinct in which Donald Tru.mp received fewer votes than the Green Party candidate. There used to be an “Antifa house” a few blocks from where I live. I was physically threatened by a local radical once for making innocuous comments about home prices on my neighborhood chat group. My feeling is that it would not be safe for me if my identity were revealed. Only one person knows my identity.

I've never had “goals”. My posting on Twitter serves a therapeutic purpose: I speak my mind and get things off my chest. I try to be direct and honest about what I believe and not tailor my comments to please any group or tribe. I try to avoid motivated reasoning and confirmation bias.

To put it mildly, my experience has far exceeded whatever minimal expectations I may have ever had. Just the fact that Elon Musk follows me and has occasionally replied to me seems incomprehensible to me. My account has been written about in well-known media outlets. I expected none of this. It seems surreal.

Crémieux: The idea for my account came about from my friends constantly goading me into finally making an account of my own after I'd spent years posting a lot in various group chats and in people's DMs, writing posts and articles for other people to put online, etc. I would send people DMs regularly, telling them about this or that problem in this or that statistic or paper, offering them a post idea, or even things to say in a comment chain, and my friends thought it would be better for me if I directly posted what I was saying in my free time.

So I did just that, and it has gone well.

I've decided to stay anon because I post about content that has resulted in threats. People with whom I have no connection, people with whom I have some connection, and even people who I actively dislike have received death threats and both offline and online harassment over allegedly being the person behind this account, so looking back, it seems wise to have started and stayed an anon account. And for the people incorrectly doxxed as me, I can't really do anything for them, so I can only hope they're alright.

I did not expect my account to garner over 100,000 followers in about a year. I've gained around 6,500 followers per month consistently, through just posting things that I'm thinking about in my free time. Ever since I turned on subscriptions for Twitter and Substack, those have also landed me a good chunk of change that I've managed to save away. If things keep going like they have been, I should be able to retire a few years earlier than I used to expect. I, frankly, had no idea that was on the menu.

How do you view your role and impact in the broader media landscape, especially as it relates to cultural and political implications? Have you been in contact with powerful or high-profile people about your account? If so, what were they looking for and how did it play out?

The Rabbit Hole: This thread has a summary of where I am trying to come from. I would say my primary goals are to promote the values of free speech and open discourse. There are various reasons for this:

The tradeoffs that come with censorship are simply not worth it.

Even bad ideas have a right to be heard; if they are truly bad then sunlight can and will disinfect.

Censorship is a slippery slope; it’s impossible to *only* regulate bad ideas without good ideas getting caught in the crossfire.

I put extra focus around taboo topics, like group disparities, because I believe candid conversations are worth having and because it is difficult (if not impossible) to solve a problem if you are not allowed to discuss it from all possible angles. For example, one of the great fallacies in modern thinking is the haste with which people attribute disparities to discrimination when, in reality, the picture is much more nuanced. Therefore, a major goal of TRH is to promote multivariate thinking and highlight as many variables as possible that can contribute to disparities. Two groups can have disparate outcomes not necessarily because of racism but because of average behavioral differences. For example, Asians study more on average than Blacks so it makes sense they are more represented in universities. As an extension of this, I also oppose any and all forms of Demographic Engineering (e.g. race preferences in Affirmative Action and DEI) which led me into lengthy exchanges with Mark Cuban earlier this year; because my goal is to be an advocate for colorblindness and meritocracy in our institutions.

I also believe technology plays and will continue to play an important role in humanity’s future. AI has the potential to be a check against natural human biases but not if the people working on these tools program them to have the same flaws and biases people do. I do think ideological diversity is possible (if Cancel Culture is addressed) and can help if the tech industry is willing to challenge some of the echo chambers that have emerged over the past decade.

In the last year, TRH has garnered over 2.4 billion impressions on 𝕏 and has received coverage from several news outlets. I’m not sure how much of that translates into real-world tangible outcomes but I hope it’s done some good and inspires others to give sharing their ideas (even anonymously) a shot. My account, and others, have proven there is merit in anonymous individuals competing in the marketplace of ideas.

I did meet with Elon Musk once which was to thank him for giving the page a chance. His support has truly meant the world.

i/o: I never think about this, although I can't imagine that my account amounts to more than a tiny drop in the deep wide sea of online political discourse. I've received direct messages from some well-known “public intellectuals.” Some of my intellectual heroes have DM'd to tell me that they appreciate what I'm doing on X. Usually they wanted clarification from me on something I had posted about.

Crémieux: One of the things that's really surprised me is that I've been forced to realize that I've positively impacted a number of important people's views. A lot of people have reached out to me to thank me for something I've written, to get clarification on something they're thinking about, and more, and some of these people lead major companies. Seeing them repeat things I've said, or say that I inspired a heretical thought in them is a lot more common than I ever could have predicted and I'm delighted to see just how open they are to changing their views on a wide array of topics that are, sometimes, very far outside the Overton Window.

Most of the time, high-profile people are just looking to talk about whatever is on their mind; there's no ulterior motive. One well-known founder reached out to me to talk about the nature of human intelligence and how it contrasts with the nature of machine intelligence. I spent some time with a billionaire at his place outside of San Francisco and we talked about everything from evaluating charity impacts to the latest in biotech companies in the Valley to why we're unclear on which political candidates to support to actually get permitting and zoning reforms.

I've had a lot of high-profile contact and I'm happy to have had it because it's resulted in a number of new friends that I get along with really well and wouldn't have known otherwise.

Here's a notable thing that happened: On two occasions, I was offered jobs with high-frequency trading firms after I discussed my background with some subscribers at those firms, and on another, the son of a person at an HFT firm said their dad read my blog and would've liked me to apply. I did not predict getting job offers off of this account, and those aren't even the most surprising ones.

How does running this account intertwine with the rest of your life? Do you have another job? Do they know about your account? Friends and family?

The Rabbit Hole: For the sake of privacy and safety, I try to keep a healthy distance between my online life and personal life. I do have a regular job that I work outside of social media. It’s a career I worked hard to break into and hope to maintain for a long time. A few of my loved ones do know about the account and we occasionally chat about it. A big reason why I wish to stay anonymous is to ensure my loved ones do not experience any disruptions in their day-to-day lives as a result of any online shenanigans.

i/o: If by “intertwine” you mean taking up way too much of my time, then, yes, it definitely intertwines with my life. There are dozens of other things I feel I should be doing, but somehow posting on X is where I end up on most days. The only person who knows that I'm “i/o” is my longtime girlfriend.

Crémieux: I tend to keep my running this account hush-hush outside of very selective groups, and I don't tie it back to my job. This account has given me a lot of unique opportunities to go and network with people, and that's been nice, but I think there has to be some separation if you're maintaining an anon account.

In terms of time consumption, this account is a breeze. I spend very little time drafting posts, and I'm slowly taking to making all of my long-form articles timed.

Do you coordinate with other anon accounts? Is there a planned strategy amongst you and individually, or do you just post what is interesting to you?

The Rabbit Hole: I usually just do whatever is of interest to me. Whatever the current zeitgeist is plays a role but for the most part, I attempt to stay data-driven and share stuff with a grounding in facts and reality.

i/o: I'm in fairly regular contact with three other “data-oriented” accounts, but we don't really coordinate our postings. I've never had a strategy or plan about anything I do on X.

Crémieux: I don't coordinate with other anon accounts per se. I will sometimes send a post to a group chat or DM someone something I think they might want to see, but for >9/10 posts, I don't even do that. There's no strategy on my end, I just post what I think is interesting. Thanks to the nature of reading the timeline making certain topics pertinent, that can mean what interests me in a given moment is relevant to the news cycle, and that can be a happy coincidence when it comes to engagement.

[redrosesshadowwolf]

Isn't it wonderful when your body feels the same type of nausea whether it's cause you need to eat or shouldn't eat?

Like I had a snack earlier. A little while after I felt nauseous and it hasn't gone away. So either I need to actually eat dinner. Or my body is telling me that if I put any more food in it it's gonna riot.

So yeah at this current moment I'm not feeling exclusively fine.

Just a bit under the weather till I decide to take the 50/50 chance and probably make myself feel worse.

I supposed I could test the waters by eating another snack instead of dinner. Perhaps it shall oust the actual conditions regarding my sudden and "unexpected" bout of nausea?

This just happened sometimes. And thats why I know it's a 50/50

Of course the fact that I ate a snack a little while beforehand was one of the conditions to know it was a 50/50

Otherwise I'd bet it was closer to a 25/75 chance if I hadn't eaten food that 75 was on my body requesting food.

I should stop snacking when I get home to hold me over till dinner. I should just eat dinner earlier.

Alas I am already comfy in bed(disregarding the nausea that is) and have no reason to go take the chance on the eating being what fixes me.

So I'll just sleep it off, I eat good breakfasts even if I forget about dinner sometimes.

Can't belive I'm announcing intention to sleep before it becomes late, or early.

But it seems it has finally come to such a situation where my body requests slumber upon a normal and appropriate time for such a thing.

Here's to hoping my mind does not mourn the twilight hours I shall miss. They tend to be the best of my time. Farwell my previous goal of finishing that essay amidst the sound of crickets and under the glare of the moon. It seems you shall wait till the sun rises for tangible efforts

Which I know evade me under the suns gaze often enough. A shame, truly.

But my eyes grow heavy and my body is past a state of weariness. So I shall indeed fall to slumber....eventually. but for now if I keep typing my mind is just occupied enough that I can keep my eyes focused upon the screen.

Not that my eyes are the main challenge. I can stay awake long after my eyes have shut for the evening due to the weight imposed on them.

Yet I suppose it is easier to fall asleep with one's eyes sufficiently closed.

Ugh I actually am tired though and I know that when I roll over to plug my phone in it may wake me up a bit and then this whole thing will have been for nothing as I sit quietly for hours to hopefully pass out. 🙃

[tinydark]

2023 Review, 2024 Outlook

In 2023, we saw some big upgrades to GAM3, our proprietary game engine. Black Crown: Exhumed grew closer to release. While I'd intended to properly release Bean Grower and Black Crown in 2023, both proved too ambitious and GAM3's custom items upgrade took longer than expected.

2023 Review

Aside from a massive technical refactor that players mostly won't notice…

Custom Items! Crafted items' tier, stats and tags now reflect your character's skill value and material tier. You can also customize their name and description.

UI: base UI refresh, new Character panel, Category upgrade, new equipment panel, and a rudimentary Dark Mode

Content Book: keeps track of all content you've submitted to the game.

Fully integrated and modern forums for every GAM3 installation.

Inbox notifications and highlights

Event Pools: the ability to hold events in a 'hand,' similar to Fallen London's deck system

New "Area" banner at the top which tells you day/night, weather, and world time

Automatic projects + fermenting alcohol. Immersion aid when drunk.

Pointing at objects/players

Giving items

URPG-specific: achievements, new perks. Ambitious Halloween and Christmas events. Thanks to everyone who showed up to those.

Black Crown-specific: finished the data import and released the Miasma Viewer.

Special thanks to volunteer Raigen for all his work on improving the Hub and tinydark.com, and CoderLotl for the weather script and day/night cycle. Thanks to Cat for drawing four new holiday costumes for Tinyblob, our mascot.

2024 Outlook

This is going to be a huge year for the studio. Check the Tinydark Roadmap for details.

I'm currently in the midst of a cooldown period which ends in early February. After that, I'm dedicating February to getting Black Crown: Exhumed released in what I can only dub "Phase 1," which means the full game will be totally free and play will be unlimited, and I'll only stuff as many features and goodness as I can into it before making a quiet announcement.

Then we have "area stats" and farming scheduled for URPG. After that I'll resurrect Daiele, one of my old prototype games, and simultaneously bring the Lab to the Tinydark Hub.

Bean Grower is going to get three months of development, with the goal of releasing on the Play Store (and hopefully Apple Store) by the end of its dev cycle.

From there, my focus is on Black Crown: Exhumed's full release. I really want to be on Steam. Bundling web apps on Steam is tricky, but possible, and sets the precedent for future games to release there as well.

About URPG

URPG is a tech project. Its existence is justified by the technology required to produce it. I have very high hopes and ambitions for it, but if nothing else, its dev cycle results in the technology to rapidly build other games. It would turn out that quite a lot of technology is required to sufficiently build a modern, commercially viable "cantrlike." Very little of what I'm building is specific to URPG, but rather what I have been doing is teaching the engine how to make persistent, multiplayer open-world browser games.

I've talked about an estimated release date for far too long. This year I unbranded the current state of the game as an "alpha test." It's better to call it a demo or preview, and we'll be going yet another year not entering beta. Even if it were technically ready, I'm neither prepared to moderate nor market URPG. I truly believe that cantrlikes have a strong potential to become a recognized niche in gaming, but they have to be done right and with scale in mind; no entry has done this well so far. Yet their continued stability (Cantr has a functioning playerbase 20+ years after its launch) is a testament to the genre. For me, the dream is still very much alive, and if I have my way, I'll be able to license the engine out for others to create their own cantrlikes.

I need to get through 2024. I need to release titles as any other game developer does and start making money. Bean Grower doesn't even have its own landing page, let alone existence on an app store. I can reasonably assume that I'll release Bean Grower and Black Crown; they're each getting three months to do so. I expect to start January strong next year and add the features URPG will need in order to get to beta some time in 2025.

Thanks for reading, Vael Victus

[187days]

Day Twenty-Eight

It was an early release day today, so every class was half the time it usually is, and, whew, they went fast! Freshmen put finishing touches on their Culture Project drafts and turned them in, seniors took a vocab quiz (and smashed it) and discussed some practice FRQs with me. And that's all we had time for! It worked, though, so I'm pretty happy about my planning skills, heh.

We got to enjoy a nice, long lunch break, which might be the best thing about early release days. Then the staff gathered in the auditorium for a bit of professional development on the Datawise Protocol, courtesy of Dean 1. After introducing the protocol, he broke us into small groups to practice looking at data sets- doing "I notice" and "I wonder." Now, I'm good at looking at data, but I also kind of hate it. This wasn't bad, though; I got to work with some colleagues I don't normally work with, we had some interesting discussions. One of the data sets we looked at was about per pupil expenditures in similar-sized districts here in the state, and our group got to wondering about per pupil expenditures nationwide- which, as APGOV teachers well know, is the subject of a practice FRQ question. In fact, it's one of the ones my students and I were discussing earlier, so I pulled it up right away.

Also, since I saw this push towards data-driven everything coming a mile away, I've been nagging my department to put their P/F data for the US Citizenship Test on this one spreadsheet. Mrs. C was the first to catch on to what I was up to, so she was grinning when I mentioned to Dean 1 that we'd have some important data to be looking at shortly, and that this protocol would guide our work.

LOOK AT ME DEPARTMENT HEADING WELL.

Because I was department heading, I missed the first half of a meeting of ninth grade teachers, but I'd told the Principal that was going to happen. I missed a discussion about all the challenges of the half block classes, but I've voiced my opinions on that, and had nothing really to add, so I don't think I really missed much. I came in at the end and tried to contribute to the conversation about short and long term solutions. I'm too quick to bat down things I don't like, and need to hear ideas out a bit more, so I tried to do that... I didn't always succeed, but I tried.

And that took us to the end of the day. I stayed a smidge late to get a few things in order, then went home, but ended up grabbing dinner with Mrs. T at this new restaurant in town. I'd already been once, but she hadn't, so she suggested going. We had a good, long chat about things other than work, but we did also talk about how we're finding everything this year. It's a growing year for both of us, you know?