#but i will save that thought for my therapist wink wink

[papasmicstand]

Love you readers, I hope this makes your Monday better (2600 words).

Sex Surrogacy for Satan

Chapter 3: Lesson 2 - Terzo - Satisfaction

Summary:

Terzo is a cocky son-of-a-bitch sometimes (always). Can he convince you that he knows it all when it comes to satisfying a partner?

The next morning you decided to have breakfast in the cafeteria.  You yawned as you filled a plate and found a table near the window.  Only five hours of sleep, why do I do this to myself?   Your brain had decided to replay those last moments with Secondo instead of sleep, worrying that you had pushed him too far too soon.  Steam wafted up from the eggs and bacon, causing your stomach to rumble with hunger.  You took a bite and closed your eyes as you savored the flavors, it was surprisingly delicious.  I could get used to this life.  

A few Siblings came and sat with you, intrigued by the new stranger.  You told them that you were a therapist and that you would be around for a few weeks.  As part of the deal with Primo, you couldn’t disclose what type of therapy you were providing, and of course all session details were confidential.  You made small talk, but were also happy when they left so that you could write down key observations and thoughts in your notebook about last night’s exercises.  Secondo really had some walls up surrounding his emotions.  You wished he would have allowed you to stay longer to provide aftercare, since it was clear that he had a physical reaction to the lesson.

Speaking of the devil, you looked up to see Terzo and Secondo passing by with food.  Papa II startled and immediately changed course, disappearing into the morning rush.  Terzo looked confused until he saw the source of the tension, that source being you.  

He walked over with a spring in his step.  “I don’t think we’ve met yet, signorina.  I’m Papa Emeritus III, but you can call me Terzo.  Would you happen to be the 7:00 appointment on my calendar tonight?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

He was shorter than you had imagined, but brimming with confidence.  “That’s me,” you smiled.  “I look forward to becoming better acquainted.”  

“Indeed,” he leaned close enough that you could smell his fresh cologne and whispered in your ear, “I can’t wait for tonight, I’ll save room for dessert.”  Then winked and went on his way.

You nearly choked on your tea.  Ah, tonight will be fun.

Here we go , you knocked on the large wooden door of Terzo’s office.

He opened it with a smile, sauntering around the small space as he signaled for you to come in.

“Have a seat, signorina,” Papa offered.  You lowered into a tufted leather wingback chair and he casually leaned on the desk across from you.  “Though I’m not sure why you’re seeing me when my brothers clearly need all of the help?”  He flashed a wicked smile at you, charming for sure.

You stared up knowingly at your partner for the evening.  “I assure you, Primo gave me a full report.  It’s not about who needs help, more about each of you becoming the best partner that you can be.”

“Of course,” Papa nodded and began unbuttoning his shirt.  “Shall we get right into it?  You can give me feedback as we go.  I enjoy a vocal partner.”

“Is this how quickly you would normally initiate sex?  As an ice breaker?”  You countered, noticing a theme with the brothers.

“Are you saying I move too quickly?” Terzo asked, mischief in his tone.

You wondered what he would be like if he dropped the ‘sexy Papa’ front.  “Just an observation.  Pretend I am a new Sister, how would things normally go?”

“Well, it depends on the Sibling, some are bold and just make a move during Confession or after Mass, others are more reserved and drop hints… but as a leader of the church I’m very perceptive.”

Smooth .  “So walk me through it.”

“Like I said, every scenario is different, signorina,” he came closer until he was sitting on the arm of your chair.  “But let’s take you.  You do not seem overly shy.  I heard that you put my brother in his place.”

You were momentarily taken aback, “I assure you all sessions are confidential, I don’t know what you heard…”

He lowered his voice as if you were trading secrets, “The ghouls, well, I don’t know if you’ve met any yet.  But they discover many things and they are close with me.”  A knowing smile crossed his lips, “I hear that you like eye contact.  I’m not emotionally constipated like mio fratello.  This is no problem for me.”

He thinks he has it all figured out already.   “I can be different depending on what I’m trying to accomplish.  Don’t assume too much,” you cautioned.

“Ah, same.”  He gave you another naughty smile.  “Yes, I’m sure you are… versatile.  If you were one of the Sorellas here I would invite you to my quarters for some quality time.

“I see, ‘quality time,’”  you repeated.

“Exactly,” he said with a shrug.  “Two bodies will just know what to do if the environment is conducive to sins of the flesh.”  He flitted his fingers as if they were two moths dancing around a flame.

“Is that so?” you stilled his dancing hand with your own.

“Absolutely,” he stood, pulling you up where your hands were joined.  “Come, I’ll show you the rest.”

You allowed the devilish man to lead you to his rooms.  His words proving to be more of a promise than an invitation.  When you arrived, Terzo waved a hand and the lights went low, soft music playing from some hidden speakers.  He was relaxed, sex was not something he was insecure about.

You looked around to find dark, romantic furniture populating the living space, and vibrant plants near the windows that made it feel welcoming, but perhaps a little too staged.  It didn’t tell much of a story about the man behind the title.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he said, lighting some candles.  The jacket he’d been wearing now delicately hung over a chair.  “Would you like a drink or a snack?  You may need the energy.”

“Thanks, but I’m sure I’ll be fine,” you declined, ignoring his last comment.  “So, once a Sister like me finds her way this far into your lair ,” you teased, “what comes next?”

“Easy, I’d tell you how sexy you are,” he looked at you as if he fully meant it, “made in Lillith’s image, and then,” he leaned in, fingertips lightly tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, “once I knew you felt it-” he broke his sentence with a kiss.  

You expected a more delicate, exploratory kiss; but instead it was hungry and passionate.  All of his movements were like a well-choreographed dance.  While his lips distracted you a hand slid neatly around your back, and the other caressed the side of your face.  It was hard not to just melt into him.  You did return the kiss and place your hands at his waist.  You barely noticed that he was walking you to the bedroom, and when you arrived you found that your dress had been unzipped in the back somewhere along the way.

“Nice moves,” you admitted.

“May I continue?” he asked, poised for the kill.  

You had planned to stop here and try out some non-sexual exercises, but there really was no harm in seeing how closely his skill matched his bravado.  If anything it would give you more context to help him.  You nodded.  “Yes, I think I need the full Terzo experience.”

The smile that spread across his face was that of genuine joy.   His fingertips glided your dress down until it pooled at your feet.  A red lacey set was all that remained as he pushed you onto the bed and leapt on top.  

You giggled as he kissed down your throat and released your breasts from the lace.  Your hands undid his shirt and he shrugged it off.  You took some time exploring each other’s bodies.  You were sure to touch and kiss, looking for any hangups, but the man was an open book.  Hickeys in various stages of fading could be found on his thighs and near his clavicle. He made a cute noise when you played with his nipples, and showed no reluctance at removing the rest of his clothing.  

His dick was smaller than Secondo’s, but still impressive considering his petite frame.  He did not seem to be self-conscious about it in the least, striking a pose for you before diving back in.  This time he headed south.  You threaded your hands through his hair as he put his mouth to work.

Terzo’s POV-

Terzo’s blood was pumping.  Hell yes, I knew I could win therapy.  If Terzo had a wheelhouse, this was it.  In truth he had been the tiniest bit nervous… but he should have known it would be fine.  You were a fun partner, vibrant and responsive, and you tasted divine.  He easily read your cues, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.  When he added his fingers to the mix your legs began to shake.  

“That’s it,” he growled into your cunt, “Let go for me.”

He wasn’t sure if you would try to hold back or not, but it didn’t take long for you to convulse, thighs tightening against his head.  Papa worked you through it, until you were boneless under him.

“Hey, what happened to eye contact?” he teased, climbing up and kissing you.  His hard cock pressed to your hip.

You pinched his nipple and he yelped.  “I told you every session is different,” you wheezed.

He liked that you were playful with him.  “OK, but this one is better,” he shifted his hips so that the head of his cock was nudging your entrance.

“Condom first,” you held him from advancing.

“I swear I’m clean, I just saw the doctor last week,” he rubbed his cock along your slit.  “And I’m a pro at pulling out.”  Maybe not a pro, but it’s not like I’ve ever gotten anyone pregnant .

“Not optional,” you said firmly, and scooted away.

Damn, it was worth a try.   He couldn’t help a disappointed sigh that snuck out of him, but he was quick to retrieve the condom jar.  “Pick one,” he offered.

The jar had a wide variety- flavored, glow-in-the-dark, ribbed, even magnums- you quirked an eyebrow at the gold-wrapped XL’s as you selected a more average one.  

“Eh, those ones are for the ghouls,” he smiled.  “I’ll tell you about it later.”

You helped him with the condom, he was still rock hard and ready to go.  You were a slick mess and he rubbed your juices over the latex before sliding back on top.  

He was more turned on than usual.  He needed to get inside.  “Ready?” he asked. 

You nodded, and he entered carefully.   You moaned and clutched his biceps as he bottomed out.

“Merda,” his eyebrows knitted, from that first thrust it was magical.  Don’t think about how good it feels, you need to last.  Secondo and Copia don’t stand a chance, you have to be the best.  

And Satan almighty your pussy felt amazing, one of the best he’d experienced.  You were tight and wet and so warm.  He kissed you as he filled you again and again.  He turned his mind over to instinct and his body worked as if he were trying to breed you, deep powerful strokes rocking your hips and making the bed creak along with his exertions.

If all therapy was like this he would have started sooner.  You arched your back into him, the two of you fitting together so well.  You grabbed his ass when he reached that sweet spot inside and let out a whorish sound.  “That’s right, sing for me,” he smiled into your hair.  He knew he could do even better and pulled your right leg over his shoulder.  You hissed as it allowed him deeper access, toes curling.  He stayed on rhythm, and it had you right on edge.

As he continued he could feel himself getting closer and turned more attention to your nipples and clit.  “What’s your favorite position?” he whispered, lips leaving small kisses to the shell of your ear.

“Um,” you struggled to find words.  “I- I do like to be on top.”

He gave out a relieved huff.  Thank the dark lord you didn’t say doggy or it’d be over in about two more thrusts.  He spun you both so that he was on his back and you were now on top.  

He watched in awe as your thighs flexed, and he realized he was still in trouble.  You were a diabolically good rider, taking him in controlled movements, hips and cunt flexing in waves that had him fisting the sheets trying to hold on.  A long moan came out of him and you shot him a ‘gotcha’ look.  

You began tracing your clit with your middle finger and Papa’s eyes locked on how beautiful you were.  Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck .  Papa was running out of time.  You were breathing faster now and your head fell back in pleasure.

It was a race to the finish that Terzo was desperately trying to lose.  At last you came, and he followed you over, definitely not pulling out.  He came so hard he worried that the condom had exploded, but when he was finally able to withdraw all was well and he tossed it in the bedside bin.

After a moment, Terzo stood and made his way to the shower.  He hadn’t said anything to you, though it was clear that you both had a pleasurable romp.  It was nearly twenty minutes before he emerged and redressed.  You had also found your clothes and were sitting at the edge of the bed.  “Same time next week?” he winked.

“Just because the sex is over doesn’t mean the session is,” you crossed your legs and spun to face him.

“Well, I have to leave, I have another meeting,” he shrugged.  “I told Sister Gina that I’d meet her before confession.”

You started to talk, but disbelief delayed your words until you could manage, “Wait, how many dick appointments do you have per day on average?”

He paused, running a hand through his hair.  “Giving dick or receiving dick?” he smirked.

“Total,” your voice hinted at your annoyance.

“Probably six, but it can be more on a Mass day or if there’s something going on?”

“Six!” you repeated.  “I think I know what we need to work on first.”

Six isn’t that many?   “What?” he asked.

“And do you ever meet with Siblings, individually, without having sex?”

“Well,” he flustered.  “I mean, I can be alone with someone without having sex.  Confession doesn’t always end in sex.”

You rolled your eyes.  “Fine, you are free to go to your appointment.  BUT- no sex until the next time I see you.  Comfort the Siblings another way.”

He stopped at the doorway, in shock at your words.  Another way?!   “They won’t understand.  Plus, isn’t the whole point of this to be good in bed?”

You closed in on him, “The point of this is leaving the person you're with feeling satisfied.  There is more than one type of satisfaction.”

With that he lost his cool for the first time that evening.  “I don’t think you understand, I have a reputation!”

His huffing and puffing didn’t bother you in the least.  “Very sorry, that’s the homework,” you stood to also leave, not actually sounding remorseful.  “No giving, receiving, or self-pleasuring.  I want you focused.  And thanks for telling me about the ghouls, I’ll make sure they tell me if you cheat.”

[sillyguy99]

* don't look now, but i lost my shoe.

(Undertale Sans x Reader)

Chapter Five: (woo-hoo) * but you know i'm yours

[Index | Previous | Next]

               "Well, I'll be honest with you, officer," the robot says, propping one leg over the other. "You're better off arresting me on the spot."

               He's not joking.

               Endless questions fill your mind, the number increasing the more pages you turn past. There are all sorts of reasons Mettaton was meant to be behind bars, most of these related to his fame and the dangerous games he played with Frisk. While you could save yourself time by listening to his advice, you're still obliged to carry on with your procedure; you still have three whole months left to determine whether he truly needed to be sent to jail or not.

               "I can't do that yet," you reply, sighing. "Not only have we just met, but… I need to be sure about why I'd be taking you in. It wouldn't be right to dismiss my research this quickly."

               "If that's what you wish, I guess I can't stop you,” he retorts, frowning. “But I will say you're wasting your time with me. If other monsters are arrested daily for minor crimes, imagine what could be done with me if you turned in those records! I mean it when I say I want to come clean." There's a brief stutter to his tone, one you can barely grasp before he returns with a confident facade. "I did... awful things to get where I am now. My show having thousands and thousands of followers wasn't obtained as humbly as many of my fans think, and I want to seek change, so please… Allow me to make up for everything I did."

               You stay silent, a debate taking place in your mind as you decide whether to be blunt with him or not. 

               You observe him from head to toe, trying to reach a decision. 

               "If you really do want to come clean, sir," you begin, bracing yourself with a deep breath. "Then why do you still continue with your show? Wouldn't it be a better option to cancel it until this problem is dealt with? And why have you chosen to look after Frisk, if your lifestyle is so… chaotic and dangerous, as you claim?"

               "I owe them." The robot's answer is simple. He combs through his hair, closing his eyes as he faces down and lets out a heavy sigh. "Frisk was the one responsible for my career’s success, after all. Hadn't they freed us all from the Surface… I would have not been offered the technological advancements for fixing my body."

               His response makes you take another glimpse of his body, how detailed the craft is making it easy for you to believe he could pass off as a regular human with minor adjustments and longer clothes to cover up some of the metal parts surrounding him. 

               "Alright, but what I said before still stands,” you state, smiling. “I will be contacting you shortly to determine our second meeting. Any doubts or questions you might have, sir?"

               "Nothing for the moment. I'll see you soon, then, officer."

               "Promise me you’ll have some good news next time we meet?" you taunt, a subtle smile showing through.

               Surprisingly, that seems to lift Mettaton's mood. 

               He uncrosses his legs, stands up from his seat, and offers a hand out to you, his eyes and smile just as bright as his metal coating.

               "Promise," he replies, winking. "I'll be awaiting your call." 

• • • • •

               "what's this for?" Sans asks, irises parting from the gift you set over the counter. 

               He looks at you instead, gaze furrowed.

               "An apology," you reply, firm in your words. "I meant it when I said I feel sorry for what I did. Maybe this… doesn't take away the fact I got drunk, used you as a therapist, and then thought you were hitting on me, but… I do hope it's enough to get you started at the Surface – Y- You'll see what I mean when you open it at home."

               "not that i don't appreciate this, but ya know what this looks like to outsiders, right?"

               You don't dare tell him about yesterday and how much your life appeared to be crumbling apart this week. You wanted nothing more than to be free from Jessie, yet current conditions keep you stuck to him. What you once viewed as a dream has gradually become a never-ending nightmare, your hopeful and optimistic view over marriage turning continuously sour the longer Jessie continues to stay labelled as your husband.

               "Please, take it,” you insist, voice finding strength. "Let him think what he wants to think. I know I'm being faithful, and I don't need his permission to make new friends."

               "i get that, but-"

               "I'll divorce him as soon as I-"

               Without a warning, your body surrounds itself by blue.

               You're leapt over the counter and held still by a thin veil of magic, rear meeting the floor and head ducked under the counter.

               "this isn't a safe place for you anymore," Sans explains, pointing with his irises over to Grillby, whose fire now glows yellow instead of orange. 

               He looks distressed, his reason for it making your stomach churn wildly.

               Jessie sits on a stool farther away from yours. 

               He doesn't notice your presence, kept busy by Grillby distracting him with recent additions to the nightly menu.

               "he's been visitin' this place ever since he messaged me on overnet. tracked down where i work, and now he won't stop, always askin' to see me and questionin' 'bout what i did for you to end up interested in me."

               Hidden behind the counter, you feel you've reached your lowest point in life. 

               Anger takes over, making you spout the first thing on your mind. 

               "So, he… He really dares to keep doing that even after he…" It vanishes quickly, Sans's gaze piercing you, the confusion in his irises and the concern in his body language stopping you from blowing up. "A- After he…”

               Rather than commenting anything over your state, the monster walks over to a mini cooler, where he retrieves a bottle of water. He gives it to you, then leans back against the counter, attempting to keep cover. You take the water, thank him, and stare at Grillby from afar, noticing he's already moved on to his next customer, relieved from his task now that you're hidden behind the counter. 

               "This is a disaster," you mutter, huffing into your water bottle before taking a gulp. "I… I don't know what happened for things to end like this. W- Wasn't I just having a few drinks to unwind and stuff? How did that lead to all this?"

               Having to tend to a customer, it takes the skeleton a moment to get back to your side and respond. 

               Once he's done, he leans back again, staring down at you.

               “dunno about it myself," he replies, rubbing his neck. 

               A button snaps open when he does so, forcing you to focus your eyes elsewhere, feeling guilty despite knowing you aren't doing anything wrong, as Jessie so claimed, and not to mention, you're still with him despite him doing the same thing he had accused you of.

               An eye for an eye never ends well – of that, you're fully aware of. 

               You don't want to stoop to his level.

               Not today, and not ever.

               Hearing him continue, you set those thoughts aside, determined to hear him out in spite of your mind demanding reclusion and no further embarrassment on your part. 

               "you gotta be more careful if you're not gonna divorce ‘im yet."

               You bring your knees close to your chest, hugging your legs and leaving him more space to walk around. 

               The water bottle remains beside you, half of it gone. 

               "Still, he… He cheated on me. Why go through all the trouble of saying he wants me, i- if he's just gonna do that in the end?"

               That's enough for Sans to stop what he's doing, the drink he'd been pouring for a customer almost spilling out. 

               "uh…. mind repeatin' that? don't believe i heard ya well, pal."

               Nodding, you sigh, shuddering in the process. 

               "He cheated on me. With someone who looked similar to me."

               "so he did that with his type – no surprise there. but from what he said to me these past few days here, i honestly didn't think he'd cheat. it's more like he’s… obsessed with you or somethin', so it's surprisin’ to hear that."

               You raise an eyebrow, estranged by his words.

               "You really think he's obsessed?”

               “more ‘know’, than ‘think’, actually.”

               Chills rise when you listen to Jessie's voice closer by.

               Sans cuts off the conversation and remains the same, unfazed as he hands over the drink to a customer and tends to Jessie next. 

               "Have any water? Your boss says I've gotta buy something, if I don't wanna be kicked out of here."

               "sounds ‘bout right. you've been here for way too long without payin’."

               "That's 'cuz I'm trying to get the truth out of you."

               "already told you i’m not–" Sans pauses for a split second, making air quotes before going back to a professional state. "–'screwing' your wife. i'm just a bartender here, buddy. ain't my fault i got assigned to her for my background check, in the process."

               "That's bullshit. I know you must've done something."

               "nothin’ aside from tryna be her friend."

               "With benefits, I'm sure."

               You stifle a laugh right as Sans rolls his irises.

               That moment doesn't last long though, fear returning when you see Jessie focus his eyes on the gift you left for the monster.

               "Are you two-timing even her now?" he asks, grinning. "That sure's low. Who's that for, anyway? Some other customer you want to screw with next?"

               "that's a gift from a customer. wouldn't mind tellin’ you who they are, if you'd just drop off the subject 'bout me falsely sleepin' with your wife."

               "I still don't buy it. That look on your face says it all. You're a two-timer, and I'm gonna prove it."

               "suit yourself, then. here's your water, buddy."

               "Know what? I'm gonna call her right now and tell her she's wasting her time with you."

               "just take the water, pay up, and do whatever it is ya wanna do. capiche? you're holdin' me back from other customers, and your yappin' ain't helpin', either.”

               Though it's become clear to you that Jessie's drunk, given by how persistent he is – more than usual – and the subtle slur in his voice, you still make haste to silence your phone and put it off vibrate, heart caught in your throat when you're done. 

               Your moment of calm is soon forced to end when you hear him speak up again.

               "How about this? I tell her to send your background check off to another detective, and you delete her number. I won't bother you anymore after that."

               "prove it."

               "Prove what?"

               "that you'll keep your end of the bargain."

               Jessie laughs. To anyone else around, it would look like the bartender's joking around with a customer. In your eyes, it's everything but a light-hearted situation, how hidden you currently are being sufficient proof that there's no fixing whatever you once had with him. 

               "I don't need to prove anything to you, bonebag. Hands off my wife, else I'll make sure your background's tainted enough that she won't even need to waste a single damn month researching about you."

               Beyond tired of hiding, you attempt to stand up. 

               Magic holds you back as quickly as you try to do that, challenge present in Sans's irises, still facing Jessie despite using a hand to hold you back. 

               "try it," he replies, tone dry. "dunno what the hell's goin' on with you two, but i trust it's not gonna affect me. this was your wife's rest spot, and you're ruinin' it. she's my path assigned for a better life at the surface, and now you're tryna ruin that, too."

               There's a brief pause, followed by a rough change in the skeleton's tone.

               “so either act like a normal customer, or get the hell outta my sight.”

[Index | Previous | Next]

[heottokes]

𝐚𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞. 48. you

acquiesce v. to accept something reluctantly but without protest. two strangers are trying to rewrite their story that was already written for them but to do that they need each other. yoongi needs y/n to keep his only dream alive and y/n needs yoongi to keep her secret hidden. so the two strangers form an unlikely alliance of playing pretend.

word count: 5.2k

꒰ m.list ➭ before • after ꒱

“So, what playbook are you taking from this time?” Taehyung greets you as he leaves his classroom.

“Well, it's nice to see you too.” You roll your eyes and start your journey to Yoongi’s studio.

“I'm being serious. Talk to me.” You bite your lip in thought. Taehyung had become your confidant with no say on his part. Unknowingly from finding out your secret, he had signed himself up to listen to your tiring back and forth about Yoongi. You've always felt guilty for it. “Don't shut me out now.” Taehyung nudges his arm against yours.

You look at Taehyung and he gives you a nod causing your heart to ache even further. You stop in your tracks and take his hand in yours. He imitates and faces you. “You know you mean the world to me, right?”

“If this is a love confession, you have to know I would date Yoongi over you.” You smack his arm laughing.

“Be serious!”

“I am!”

You roll your eyes before dropping your smile. “I honestly don't know what I would have done if I didn't have you and you deserve so much more than being a therapist friend to me.” Taehyung goes to interrupt you, but you cut him off. “I know, you don't mind. You don't ever mind.” You sigh. “You are more than that to me, Tae.”

“But that doesn't mean you should keep everything to yourself. If you want to talk about anything, I'm here.” You smile and give him a hug.

“Thank you, Tae, for everything.”

He gives you his signature boxy smile before ruining the moment once again. “Don't thank me yet, I just might steal him from you.” He winks and you smack his arm.

“Don't you dare!” You both laugh before continuing your walk.

━━━☆

You enter the code to Yoongi’s studio like clockwork. Yoongi doesn't bother to greet either you with nothing more than a nod since you both are over his studio so often. You settled in your usual chair on his left while Taehyung occupies his right side. Yoongi opens the finished track and sits back as he presses the space button. The three of you listen in silence. Naturally, you close your eyes to focus on the music. Yoongi watches Taehyung and your facial expression to gauge your thoughts beforehand. Your opinion was clear as your face scrunches up and you move your head to the beat. Taehyung, on the other hand, had a blank expression as he stares at the screen. Butterflies form in Yoongi’s stomach in anticipation as the song comes to an end.

He watches as you open your eyes and Taehyung turns to him. He tenses as Taehyung grabs onto his shoulder. “Hyung, you're a genius.” Yoongi lets go of the breath he didn't know he was holding.

He laughs. “Did you think I had that in my name for no reason?”

Yoongi turns to you for your verdict. “It's really amazing, Yoongs.” He gives you a smile as a thanks. “Okay, let's storyboard the music video.” You clap your hands together getting straight to business.

Yoongi gets up and squeezes your shoulder on the way. Taehyung follows in suit and boldly hugs Yoongi from behind. You laugh as Yoongi’s face scrunches up in horror. “Hyung, you're so cool.” Taehyung compliments in awe. Yoongi dismisses the compliment lightly despite being clearly flustered. You follow the boys to the couch and set up for note taking. Taehyung takes out his iPad to show off the inspiration photos he saved for concepts. You watch as Yoongi reviews the material and Taehyung lays his head on Yoongi’s shoulder to look at the iPad as well. You pout in jealousy. Usually, Yoongi would have shoved anyone off by now, but he didn't. You took a photo to capture the cute moment of them and tweeted on your private account to sulk. “Hey!” Taehyung calls out suddenly. “No phones remember. No distractions, DND.” You stick your tongue out at Taehyung for using his words against you. You switched your phone on ‘Do not disturb’ before getting up to sit next to Yoongi so you could see Taehyung’s ideas as well.

━━━☆

After the meeting ended, Taehyung not-so subtly found an excuse to leave you and Yoongi. You were glaring at the back of his head as he left the room when Yoongi pulls your swivel chair to his side. You stare at him like deer in headlights causing him to laugh. “What are you laughing about? You surprised me.” You pout.

“I wanted your attention.” You purse your lips at his answer to prevent your lip from breaking through.

“Well, now that you have it, what are you going to do with it?” It was Yoongi’s turn to become speechless. Your eyes glint with mischief and you smirk teasing him further.

You admire Yoongi’s red cheeks as he tries to find his composure. “What do you really think of the song?”

You search his eyes and melt. His eyes showed insecurity as he awaits your answer as he awaits the truth of your thoughts. You smile and take his hand in yours. “Min Yoongi, I really meant what I said in front of Taehyung. The song is amazing; you're amazing. I didn't push this project because you're my friend; it's because I truly believe in you and your music.”

━━━☆

Begrudgingly, you left Yoongi at his studio. After your heart to heart, the two of you decided to share a glass of wine to celebrate the progress of the project. For the first time in a long time, Yoongi smiles and visibly relaxes. How could he come up with the most captivating music and have no confidence? You always thought Yoongi was so self-assured when it came to his music. Maybe, the pressure was getting the best of him. Once, the first one is done, the rest will come along like clockwork; at least that's what you reassured him. You sigh and drop your bag on the floor by your bed. You reach for your phone and watch as the notifications flood in. Immediately, you feel sick to your stomach as you see Jin’s reply. Could you have? Surely not. You shakingly click on the notification and you see the tweet Jin had replied to. You grabbed your pillow and press it against your face to let out the most blood-curdling scream you could muster. You deleted the tweet after composing yourself and made sure to switch accounts before tweeting your frustrations. Your thoughts go to blame Yoongi. If he didn't look as good as he did, Taehyung wouldn't have been all over him and you wouldn't have rushed to tweet to your personal diary. But no one needed to know that. All that you care about is that it was scrubbed from the internet and fingers crossed, that no one screenshotted for evidence – and thankfully nobody did. Now you had to tie up any loose ends by making sure no one would say anything to Yoongi which was the easy part. The hard part is erasing the texts on Yoongi’s end. You may be fucked, you thought as you screamed into your pillow one last time.

━━━☆

“You're so embarrassing.” Taehyung greets you outside your dorm building.

You grab his collar pulling him towards you. “You shut your mouth or so help me God!” You threatened as menacingly as you can with your finger pointing at him.

“Am I interrupting something?” The two of you turn to Yoongi who was standing in front of you watching with a concerned look.

“No!” You pushed Taehyung away and give Yoongi a forced smile. “Shall we?” You ask changing the subject. Yoongi gives a curt nod before leading the way.

“Real smooth.” Taehyung teases making you hit him, and mouth swear words at him.

The three of you head to the filming location after picking up the rundown RV from the internet. Taehyung and Yoongi shared apprehensive looks as you revealed the van. “What? It was free.”

“It looks like it.” Taehyung retorts.

“It looks like it's about to fall apart.”

You roll your eyes. “It's just a little old. Get in, we’re losing daylight.” You pull open the door and the hinges creak. You cringe and look at the boys who are holding in their laugh. “Okay fine, we have to be gentle with it.”

Taehyung goes through the filming direction one more time before starting the shoot. Due to the lighting, you did the outside scenes first. “Y/n! Slow down!” Taehyung shouts as Yoongi sits on top of the van holding onto dear life.

“I'm kidnapping him, aren't I?”

“Yes! You're not trying to kill him!” You roll your eyes but relent and ease your foot off the accelerator. You drove a couple of laps around the abandoned tunnel before Taehyung moved to shooting inside the van with Yoongi. You had no idea what was happening besides what Taehyung’s envisioned and his words of praises cutting through the music every now and then. After the seventh replay of Yoongi’s song, you hear knocking on the wall against your head signalling the shoot was over. You rolled to a stop and turn off the car. “You were amazing, Yoongi! You were a natural.” You hear Taehyung praise Yoongi as they get out of the RV. The two of them walk up to the driver’s seat. “Fantastic driving, y/n!”

“You say that now that it's over.” You laugh. “Sorry, if I was too rough, Yoongs. I was just trying to be authentic.”

Yoongi smiles. “I appreciate it. And thank you, Tae, for working so hard for this.” Taehyung wipes a fake tear making Yoongi shove him.

“No need to thank me. This was fun and I could add it to my portfolio anyway. Y/n is the one getting nothing out of this.”

“I am having fun so don’t say that!” You corrected Taehyung immediately. “Come on, I'm sure you’re both beat. Let's get home.” The boys didn't protest and gets in the passenger side of the van. Yoongi sits in the middle pressed against you while Taehyung gets comfortable and leans as far back as he can. The drive back was quiet, but it wasn't surprising. You all decided to film everything in one day and if Taehyung needed more shots, then you’ll do another shoot day. Everyone was understandably tired. You glanced to your side when stopped at a red light. “He’s out like a light.” You chuckle.

Yoongi looks over at Taehyung who was sleeping with his mouth open, and head leant against the window. He smiles and looks at you. Your eyes stay trained on the road ahead nervous about missing the green light and receiving Yoongi’s sudden attention. You feel cold fingers touch your fingertips startling you. You look at Yoongi from your peripheral vision and see his gaze is focused on your hand. You smile softly and turn your hand over hoping you understood what he wanted. Your eyes turn back to the road waiting for the traffic to move. His cold hand envelops yours warming your heart. He squeezes your hand to get your attention. You turn and meet his eyes. “Thank you for everything, y/n.”

He looks at you with so much sincerity you begin to lose yourself in the deepness of his eyes. Time slowed and your senses heightens. All you could think about is the weight of his arm pressed against yours and how close he is you could hear him take in a breath. Your eyes wander across his taking in every feature of his. From the way you could tell he was cold by the hairs on his face to how even with chapped lips, you felt compelled to feel them against yours. “You don't have to thank me for anything, Yoongi. I would do anything for you.”

“I really want –” Yoongi’s words get cut by the sound of a car honk. You jumped back and see the green light. You raise your hand in a gesture of apology as you drive across the intersection. You and Yoongi share a laugh once you get through.

───────── ☾ • ☽ ────────── 

Today was the day of Yoongi’s music video release. Since Jin and Jimin offered to help organise the party, the three of you went to Seoulstice early to make sure everything is in order. Projector, check. Balloons, check. Speaker, check. As Jimin speaks to the host manager, you and Jin arranges the décor. “So, how did you do it?” Jin asks across the room.

“Do what?” You responded not bothering taking your eyes away from the table you set up to be littered with finger foods.

“Delete the messages from Yoongi’s phone.”

‘It was actually easier than I thought.”

“Do tell,”

“I asked him for his password.”

“And he just gave it to you?” Jin asked in shocked. His tasks of setting up the projector forgotten as he sits on the booth next to you.

“He asked why, and I told him we accidentally spoke about the plans in the group chat, and I didn’t want him to see. It wasn’t technically a lie. He just laughs and hands me his phone and boom it’s gone just like that.” You turn around with a proud smile. Your smile drops as you take in Jin’s bulging eyes and jaw dropped. “What?”

Jin snaps his jaw shut and rolls his eyes. “God, he’s so in love.” Jin gets up to get back to work which worked in your favour as your cheeks heat up and you become visibly flustered by his comment.

━━━☆

Taehyung and Yoongi were the first to come which surprised you. First, that they would come together and second, Yoongi would be early for a party that was dedicated to him. But it was perfect that the five of you had the chance to celebrate before everyone came. Jin and Jimin were his oldest and closest friends and you and Taehyung had worked on the project itself with Yoongi. Jin poured everyone their first drinks as he makes a toast, “To Yoongi, let’s hope he doesn’t forget us when he becomes famous.”

“I’ve been trying to get rid of you since high school. I’ve accepted you’re not going anywhere.” Yoongi classically retorts. You all laugh used to his affection. “No, but seriously, I’m grateful to every single one of you. You’ve helped me in ways you probably don’t even know. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. So, thank you.” Yoongi raises his glass, and everyone follows in suit touched by his words. You all take a sip before enveloping him a group hug. Yoongi groans in distaste but doesn’t pull away.

“I’m way too sober to start crying!” Jin fake sobs making everyone laugh.

“They’re drunk already.” Hyewon’s raspy voice cuts through your laughter. You turn towards the doorway and see the music majors standing amused. You collectively let go of the hug and greet the newcomers. Everyone gathers around to share anecdotes about Yoongi. “I remember when we were asked to form a group, I looked over at Adora and 2Do freaking out that they were a man short, and they realised the only one left was Yoongi.” Hyewon laughs prompting everyone else to follow.

“How bad is he in class that you were terrified of him?” Hobi asks Adora confused.

Adora takes a swig of her drink before answering. “He wasn’t bad at all. He was just quiet and had a massive resting bitch face and because he wasn’t very friendly, rumours started spreading conspiring that he was harsh and scary – it’s true but that’s beside the point.” Adora teases making everyone laugh and smile at Yoongi who laughs in return.

“But since y/n, he’s a lot nicer. It’s not that he’s suddenly friendly with everyone now but he doesn’t carry such a dark aura anymore. So, thank you for that, y/n.” Dohyeong chimed in raising his glass to you.

You laugh and raise your glass back. “I don’t think that has to do with anything. Yoongi just needs to warm up to people and then he’ll let you see his good side.” You nudge Yoongi with smile. You check your watch and see it’s nearly time for the scheduled release. You take a sip of your drink before reminding Yoongi to prepare the tweet on time. Everyone resumes their own conversation while you and Taehyung get up to set up the projector. “I’m so excited!” You grab Taehyung’s arm and shake him.

“I hope it’s good.”

“Are you insane? It’s amazing and everyone’s going to love it. You did an amazing job and Yoongi thinks so too.” You reassured Taehyung. If you had to pick, this release would be the most unnerving experience for Taehyung as well as Yoongi. Yes, it was Yoongi’s music, but Taehyung took the reins with the music video completely. “Okay, guys!” You called for everyone’s attention with the microphone you rented. The chatter died down as everyone turns towards you standing next to Taehyung who was gesturing Yoongi to come up front with you. “The fateful time is coming up. But before we reveal the music video, do you want to say any words?” You ask Yoongi even though you know it was doubtful.

Yoongi gives you a tight-lipped smile and accepts the microphone from you. “Uh, yeah.” Yoongi rubs the back of his neck obviously feeling awkward. You smile and rest your hand on his back for support. He looks back at you and you share a smile before he addresses his friends. “Thank you all for coming tonight, you didn’t have to.” Everyone disagrees making him laugh. “But I’m grateful that you are. Jin and Jimin, you guys are the best friends I could ask for – even if you annoy me and piss me off. You guys always have my back, and I don’t take that for granted. You are the oldest, longest, and truest friendship I’ve ever had, and I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for you guys.”

“Don’t make me cry I won’t be able to see anything when your music video starts!” Jin shouts out making everyone laugh.

“To the fellow producers and rappers, even if we’re not that close, I think we can all agree that being surrounded with amazing and creative people that share the same enthusiasm and passion for music is a reassuring feeling. So, thank you.” The music majors and Jihoon raises their glass in acknowledgement. “To the new friends I’ve made, you are the first friends I’ve made since Jin and Jimin. I didn’t think I had the ability to have more people in my life or that other people would want to be in my life besides them. Each and every one of you has shown me different kinds of friendships which I didn’t believe I would ever experience, and I am so happy I get to share this with all of you.”

“We love you!” Hobi sobs out making Namjoon rub his back while everyone chuckles at his state. You couldn’t tell if he was already drunk and going through his emo phase or Yoongi’s words really touched him. Jungkook raises his drink in appreciation.

“Taehyung,” Yoongi turns to him who stiffens at the attention. “We only became close recently, but you did so much for this project. You didn’t have any reason to do that but I’m glad you did. You are an amazing videographer, director, editor, and friend. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to be responsible for the filming and directing of my music video. Thank you, seriously, for everything.” Taehyung breaks out in a boxy smile and wraps Yoongi in a hug. Yoongi lets go and his eyes meet yours. Your heart starts beating erratically as you anticipate his thank you. “Y/n,” Yoongi takes your hand in his and steps in front of you. “Where do I begin?” Yoongi consumed your field of vision not allowing you to hide from his speech. “You are the first person to ever believe in me and my music. You are the first person I ever trusted to listen to all of my music – especially the ones no one’s ever heard before which is the breath of my soul and the beat of my heart. Nothing was supposed to come from it, I just trusted you and I wanted you to know all of me. But you didn’t just listen to my music, you took my music seriously. You pushed me to put myself out there and put my dreams into action, you encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone and be confident in my skills, but most of all, you inspired me. You have been the inspiration of my music; my inspiration; my muse.” The sounds of clapping and cheering snaps you out of your trance which is Yoongi’s eyes. You exhale the breath you didn’t realise you were holding. “Thank you for everything.” Yoongi says only to you before kissing your cheek.

Your cheek burns on the spot his lips touched and you’re frozen in place once again. Taehyung watches the two of you seemingly forgetting the room of people and why they’re here in the first place. He checks the time and realises it was time. Taehyung searches the video and prepares it before softly taking the microphone from Yoongi which breaks your stares from one another. “Okay, it’s time to watch the one and only Agust D!” Taehyung announces. Yoongi leads you back to your seat while everyone cheers. Taehyung hits play as he rushes to his seat next to you and you all watch the start with bated breaths.

“Wow, dude the editing and effects are really good already.” Jungkook whispers to Taehyung patting him the back. You smile and agree with Jungkook patting Taehyung’s hand.

Yoongi’s rap begins and even though you heard the song a million times, your breath gets taken away from you anyway. You always loved listening to Yoongi’s voice but seeing him rap was on a whole other league. A smile breaks out on your face as you couldn’t contain your attraction. Every single tiny detail to the way he tilted his head, or pointed his finger in that one verse, or the way he looked in the camera as he spitted a sick verse, or the way he was slumped against the chair was making you giddy. You were in trouble. Everyone was getting into the music as well. Jihoon shook Yoongi excitedly after his fast verse praising him for it. That prompted 2Do to join Jihoon to get hyped in the back while the song kept going. They were responding to Yoongi’s rap by saying things like ‘Ok!’, ‘Uh-huh!’ and then when the punchline hits, they scream in excitement. Everyone else were praising Yoongi and Taehyung through the entire video as well. You watched Yoongi’s reaction to everything. When the room would go silent, his eyes start analysing the video but when they would praise him, his cheeks would flush red as he sports a bashful smile. The music video ends, and the room erupted in applause. Jin and Jimin wrapped Yoongi in a hug telling him how proud they are of him. Jungkook and Namjoon pats Taehyung on the back praising his work. You get up and take a photo of the moment. Jihoon gets up and takes your phone gesturing you to sit back down. You thank him and sit in between Yoongi and Taehyung. Jihoon calls for everyone’s attention and everyone squeezes in for the photo. You link arms with Yoongi and Taehyung as you pose for the photo.

As Jihoon finishes, the door opens to waiters carrying trays of glasses and bottles of champagne. “Perfect timing! It’s time to celebrate!” Jin gets up and everyone follows in suit. The waiters fill the glasses and hand it to everyone one by one before leaving. “To Yoongi’s music career, let this be the first of many!”

“Here, here!” Everyone agreed and cheers to Yoongi.

The night was a blur after that. All you could remember was how easy the drinks went down your throat and how close Yoongi was to you. There was white noise all around you and the only real thing breaking through was Yoongi’s laugh. What was he even laughing about? Was it something you said? You couldn’t even remember speaking. Everything felt hazy; like everything is in slow motion. And then it suddenly hit you like a truck. The nauseating feeling of your body suddenly telling you you’re done. “I have to go to the bathroom!” You managed to get out to Yoongi whose smile vanished and suddenly looked worried. “I’m fine! I need to pee!” You lie laughing it off. You don’t want to be the reason his celebration is cut short. He buys it and you walk out of the room with a light sway. Luckily, there was a bathroom in the level you were on, and you didn’t need to go downstairs and push through the sea of people to make it to the toilet. You push through the door and stumble into the toilet bowl. The second your knees hit the ground your stomach releases out all the food and drinks you had. Your throat burned but the haze was lifting. After a couple of minutes since you stopped vomiting, you pushed yourself up and clean yourself in the sink. You look up at your teary eyes and red nose. God, why did you drink so much? You washed your mouth out and cleaned up before leaving the bathroom. You used the walls for support as you start walking back to the room.

“Water?” You hear someone offer and suddenly a bottle of water was in your face. Even in your state, you would never take a beverage from a stranger. They took your hand leaning on the wall to grab the cap of the bottle and you twisted to see it was unopened. You felt slightly reassured since they understood your hesitation and you take a sip of water. The liquid felt refreshing to your sore throat.

“Thank you,” You whispered, your throat still feeling hoarse.

They gesture for you to take the water bottle and you do. “Let me take you back to your room.” Your eyes were about to wander to the man when you feel his hand push you forward.

“Thank you,” It must be a worker they placed out in the hallways to make sure no guests get sloppy and decide to puke all over the ground. You let yourself be guided into the room he opens the door to. You step into a quiet and empty room. Your brain worked too slow to see it before you stepped in. “This isn’t my room.” You say slowly as you turn towards the worker.

You feel like you’ve been splashed with freezing cold water as you see the man standing in front of you. “It’s not? I thought this was the one.” He asks innocently as he closes the door behind you. You take a step back as he walks towards you. “You don’t remember me?” He stops raising his hands to show he was not harmful.

“Jack,” You answer, and he grins causing a shiver down your spine. “You were with Adora.”

His smile drops. “Is that all I am to you?”

“I’ve only met you once.”

Silence consumed the room like both of you were trying to figure each other out. “Don’t be like that, Gloss.” Goosebumps littered your arms as he says your name. “Sorry, should I call you Mae?”

“I – I don’t know what you’re talking about. I should get going.” You pushed your legs forward and make your way to the door.

As you pass Jack, he grabs your arm and you still. His cold hand burning your skin. “You look so much better like this.” His other hand tucks your hair behind your ear and grazes the back of your neck. “Don’t get me wrong, you looked good blonde and with all the modifications, but I always wanted the natural you.”

Your head snapped up at him. He sports the same condescending smile you hated. “I said, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now, let me go.” You try to pull away from touch, but his grip tightens.

“Stop lying, y/n. It was fun to play along for a while but it's getting tiring, and I don’t like being lied to.” You stop struggling to look at him. His tone cold and sharp but his gaze softens, and he smiles. “I know everything, there’s no point.”

“What do you want?”

“You,”

You ignore the nauseous feeling bubbling in your throat as his answer sent your heart dropping to your stomach. “You don’t know me.”

He laughs with his entire body that you feel the vibration from his chest. “I’ve only known you, y/n.” He pulls you to his chest forcing you to look up at him. “I saw you that night. I was looking for an escort, but I couldn’t find anyone that was good enough. I was walking out pissed off when you walked in with that red dress hugging your body so criminally. Your eyes were tired, but your smile was soft; angelic almost which contradicted your attire and enticed me even more. I waited for you to come out because I knew you would look different when everything came off, but it just made me want you more. Your body hidden away in your black hoodie and trousers like it was only meant for me to see. I was so stunned I let you walk away without even saying a word; you didn’t even know I was there. I knew I would have remembered a face like yours if I had seen it, but I didn’t see you on the portfolio. At least you had your name on the door you came out of. So, every day since then I’ve been sending you requests, hoping you’ll say yes. But you weren’t answering, and I had half the mind to hire a P.I to track you down and stage a run in through there.” He laughs like he said something charming. Repulsed, you push him away from you. “But you did answer.” His tone shifts sinisterly. “And can you imagine my disappointment when I see a completely different person in front of me? I had been waiting so long for you and you try to trick me.”

“You’re crazy.” You blurted out.

“For you!”

“Get away from me!” You shout as he tries to embrace you.

He listens, thankfully. “Is this because of him?” You hold your own determined not to give him anything to hold against you. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

“You don’t know him.” You couldn’t help yourself. Jack smiles pleased with your answer frightening you.

“Does your parents know?” Your lips begin to tremble as he circles you. “Do your parents know what their little princess does for fun? Does your parents know how their little princess could ruin everything they built just like that?” He snaps his finger by your ear causing you to flinch. He laughs at your reaction.

You glare up at him feigning resolve. “What do you want?”

“You,”

[a/n] hope you like this new turn of events :O

꒰ m.list ➭ before • after ꒱

taglist: @deleteidentity || @themoonsblueside || @potatoandfries || @therapysides || @cursedcursives

[alicianaidoo1234]

gonna save this here to use later

Zuko sat across from the therapist, his brow furrowed in a mixture of skepticism and desperation. The man, a portly figure with a thick mustache and a twinkle in his eye, leaned forward, a smug grin spreading across his face.

'So, you're looking for help for your sister, hmm?' the therapist chuckled, his voice a comforting rumble. 'I've seen many like her, lost in the flames of their own anger. But I've developed a method, you see, a way to help them find peace, faster than any other.'

Zuko leaned back, his gaze fixed on the man. 'Faster? How is that possible?'

'Well, it's a combination of traditional therapy, you see, and a little...extra.' The therapist winked, producing a small, ornate vial from his pocket. 'These are my own creation, little pills designed to calm the mind and soothe the soul. I've been working on them for years, customizing them for each patient's unique needs.'

Zuko's heart skipped a beat. This was different, this was...new. He had been searching high and low for someone who could help Azula, and this man seemed to have something unique, something promising.

'What kind of pills are they?' Zuko asked, his voice tinged with a cautious hope.

'Oh, nothing to worry about,' the therapist said, waving his hand dismissively. 'Just a blend of natural herbs and…well, a few other ingredients. It helps unlock the subconscious, you see, and allows the patient to face their inner demons with clarity.'

Zuko's gaze lingered on the vial, his mind racing with questions. This felt like a gamble, a desperate leap of faith. But the thought of Azula finally finding peace, of seeing her smile again, fueled his determination.

'I…I need to know more,' Zuko finally said, his voice wavering slightly. 'Can you tell me more about these pills, and how they could help Azula?'

The therapist leaned back in his chair, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. 'Of course, young man. But first, I need to understand her condition better. Tell me, how has she been acting lately? What are her biggest struggles?'

Zuko took a deep breath, his eyes filled with a mixture of worry and hope. He knew this was a chance, perhaps the only chance, to help his sister. He would tell this man everything, and pray that he was right, that this new approach could be the key to unlocking Azula's inner peace.

[alyssamental]

No one really talks about the mental adjustment of starting over.

In March of 2021 I moved across the country to a state I'd only visited once, in a relationship that was never going to last forever (though I thought it would at the time). A year passed in a wink, and suddenly I found myself mourning my relationship as any remaining winter chill left us. My only local friend being the now-ex boyfriend, I felt a sense of loneliness I never thought possible.

Despite the climb, I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life 6 months later. Born and raised in my new home, my lover had a full life. Friends, family, activities and a sense of place. I was also special enough to be welcomed in with open arms. Moving in at four months together was never on my 2023 bingo card, but it was meant to be (magically and fiscally... thanks housing market). I've lived in this beautiful little town for four months now. While I would never change a thing, I never considered the long and rough process of not only healing from my old life, but also acclimating into everyone else's.

Being new in a family, friend group, and place is exciting... but scary. Only time can take away the awkward beginnings and small talk. I want so desperately to fit in and fast forward to the greatest parts, though I know once I get there, I'll look back lovingly. While working from home and deciding to leave college aspirations behind, I have no easy way to make new, local, connections. My hobbies revolve around the online world, so how am I supposed to find my group when I'm such a homebody? Sometimes I feel like if I didn't switch to bi-weekly therapy sessions, I'd lose the last bit of myself that I've kept.

On top of everything else, I'm autistic. That's the first time I've said that confidently, though I lack an official diagnosis. I've considered it more than a dozen times, but am pushed back by the cost and possible cons it comes with. I'm afraid. Until my current partner, I've always felt completely alone. Even in the few good relationships I've had, I always still felt some barrier between them and me. Even when I was small, I felt different. I don't mean that in a silly quirky girly way. I mean that in a deep dark horrific way where I always felt no one wanted me around. Some made it very clear to my face, while others made fun of me instead for being ugly or annoying. I was lucky, as my best friend from childhood never let those people affect our friendship. While everyone wanted to be her friend, she was always mine and never left me behind.

The struggles to feel wanted didn't stop at home. "Can you just stop talking?", "be quiet!", "I'm not going out with you wearing that.". I never felt it was okay to fully be myself. Always felt I had to be moving to function. Spinning, moving my legs, making noises, singing, getting easily excited but also easily upset. Over time I learned what to say to make others happy. To fit in better. To be liked. I found writing and it became my personality and existence. I saved my true self for those who stuck around. A rare few, until I left my hometown and realized I shouldn't have to save my real self for those who felt safe. I shouldn't have to pretend to be someone else because of fear. I shouldn't care how others feel about me in the first 5 minutes of meeting. I should just be me.... how do I do that?

I've asked myself that almost every day, and I can't remember exactly when it started. Sometime after leaving the state I used to call home, and instead found home in a person rather than a place on a map. Now, in the best place I've ever been, I feel myself being thrown back and forth from loving this real me and my anxiety telling me how no one will like her and to just go back to how I once was, knowing I can't. How do autistic women find friendships in adulthood? I hardly ever say it aloud because while I see self-diagnosis as valid for others, it feels bad for myself. My therapist said it could be childhood trauma, not autism, as they present similarly. I don't know how that makes me feel.

Regardless, I'll keep going. I'm afraid of all the times I'll feel like this in the future (so aware of my own existence and loneliness and how long the path is ahead), but I can't stop. I can't run away. I won't. I'll just keep going until I figure it out. It's what I'd advise to anyone else. "You can do it. You've come so far, and you're magnificent the way you are."

x

[trans-elrond]

💥Joy List - Musical Edition💥

tagged by my beloved @salzundhonig to make a list of musical things that make me happy!!! i love music and honestly could not survive without it so here we go, in no particular order <3

-the entirety of Handel's Messiah is just, literally, the sound of a cozy, safe, warm Advent season with my family. my mother (a complete music nerd!!) used to host a Messiah singalong every year, and I was in a youth orchestra that played songs from it so I still have all the Violin 1 parts etched into my muscle memory, especially perhaps For unto us a child is born

-my favorite violin concerto of all time, the Butterfly Lovers by He Zhanhao and Chen Gang, + my favorite violinist of all time, Gil Shaham = !!!!!!!!!

-the Au fond du temple saint duet by Bizet... pro tip: I am one of the violinists in this performance ;) you can spot me being somewhat unsure of the bowings lmao don't tell my conductor

-and the Flower Duet from Lakme by Delibes. (I'm not in this performance but my orchestra did play it!!) GOD when the harmonization at 1:05 hits...

-gotta have my girl Hilary Hahn on here, performing my other favorite violin concerto, the Lark Ascending by Ralph Vaughan Williams. I played this age... 12? 13? and reveled, at least for a few years, in the fact that I was a violin prodigy. Now I'm 24 and I can't play it anymore. sigh. hashtag gifted kid jkdfsjkfdskjds

-the theme from Pacific Rim by Ramin Djawadi + guitar solo by Tom Morello, obviously. (I have... also played this in my youth orchestra. because I arranged it. that was a wild time.)

-speaking of my man Djawadi, the Clash of the Titans soundtrack SLAPS, especially freaking Scorpiox. Ramin can do no wrong!!! doesn't it make you wanna rampage through the desert with a sword killing giant scorpions sent by the gods to destroy you??

-because I am a basic violin bitch, as all prev. classical pieces prove, this piece I giorni by Ludovico Einaudi performed by Daniel Hope........ gets me every time. there is nothing like a good violin solo, babey!!

-speaking of violin solos, the version of Sleeping At Last's Saturn with a violin solo by Tim Fain??? took a literally perfect song and made it absolutely, breathtakingly transcendent.

-SPEAKING OF VIOLIN SOLOS, all the violin parts from the 2011 Jane Eyre............ phenomenal. but especially this piece, Awaken by Dario Marianelli, with violin solo by Jack Liebeck. and yes. I have performed it, on orchestra tour in Hungary. (this is a common theme here!! i love a song, i learn it, i play it, i never forget it.) start at 3:06 for the sexiest part.

-i got hooked on Celtic Woman at a young age, for some reason, but honestlyyyy their stuff goes so hard. like. tell me this doesn't make you want to go perform a pagan ritual in the woods under the full moon?? or that this doesn't unearth an ache of homesickness you never could hope to articulate?? excuse the general 2010s aesthetic and hairstyles but like. the music is GOOD.

-as much as I love and adore Marina's music, my favorite song with her is actually... a Gryffin song she just features on?? anyway i listened to this over and over and over and I still adore it. there's also an orchestral version that slaps!

-in this house we are aware that mumford & sons politics are real bad :((( but below my feet still slaps. i have (re?)claimed it to be about my faith deconstruction journey :)

-phildel's whole melodramatic tragic witchy thing is on point but i especially love glorious and union stone. to be entirely, embarrassingly honest, along with phildel, i collect part-asian singers whose work really speaks to me, so see also moon and moon by bat for lashes, this far by kina grannis, first love / late spring by mitski. something about seeing myself/hearing myself through other mixed-race women with theatrical, dramatic, self-expressive tendencies, and a deep unresolveable yearning to be seen and understood..........

-i do not, generally, listen to sinead o'connor—nothing against her, just generally don't vibe with her music—but inexplicably she has written exactly two (2) songs that appeared in the end credits of otherwise unremarkable (maybe even bad!) films. only you from the young victoria, and i'll be singing from wild mountain thyme. they are both perfect, beautiful, extremely ~me~ songs, but nothing else i've ever heard from sinead really appealed to me?? idk why this has happened! (if i had a dime for every time a sinead o'connor song that appeared in the end credits of a mediocre-to-bad emily blunt movie became a favorite song of mine, i'd have two dimes, etc.)

-hadestown in its entirety but especially the original cast wait for me and wedding song. damon daunno orpheus and nabiyah be eurydice, my beloveds!!

tagging @stillshewanders @writingwanderlust @hergnomieness @quillonalark @mythcas and anyone who would like to do this esp my beloved mutuals!! i want to know what music you love <3

[carolmunson]

the vacation diaries - entry two

entry one eddie keeps a journal from your time together at the inn in upstate indiana. a series of blurbs starting from the first morning after ’before there was a before’ in my steddieverse series.

warnings: 18+ themes, minors dni. mentions of seeing a therapist/being put on medication. otherwise, pure fluff.

dinner was a disaster. for me, at least. i think she thought it was pretty funny, and if i can get her to laugh instead of whatever wistful look she’s been pulling then maybe my suffering is okay. who fucking over cooks duck? it’s impossible to make duck dry. i wanted to send it back but i didn’t want them to spit in her desert. i’ve made better duck in wayne’s trailer! i’m so pissed.

don’t even get me started on the excuse for pasta primavera that was on her plate. of course she thought it was good — i thought maybe i made her palette a little more sophisticated over time. i guess not.

i think she felt a little better yesterday after she got out of the shower. a little refreshed. we mostly drove around to look at all the scenery out here — the snow makes it extra nice. we stopped by a diner for coffee and she held my hand the whole time again. i missed that. all those gentle touches. she got so reserved, i think maybe she felt like she had to earn them. she’s never have to earn gentleness from me. maybe it’s a learned behavior.

i think she felt a little better yesterday after she got out of the shower. a little refreshed. we mostly drove around to look at all the scenery out here — the snow makes it extra nice. we stopped by a diner for coffee and she held my hand the whole time again. i missed that. all those gentle touches. she got so reserved, i think maybe she felt like she had to earn them. she’s never have to earn gentleness from me. maybe it’s a learned behavior.

despite the awful food, dinner was fine-ish. i should've just jumped in the back and cooked everything instead. i promised when we got back home i'd make her something better. talking about home made her sad. she didn't say she was sad. but i could tell in her eyes that it made her think about steve. steve always orders pasta primavera when he goes out to dinner. it's always never as good as i make it at home.

she looked really pretty. she always does. she wore that lipstick i like and winked at me when she put it on in the mirror. i think sometimes when i look at her i'm gonna explode. she makes me want to fucking explode.

it was nice to kiss it all off after dinner. we came back here and hung out in the common area for a bit, made friends with some old folks and played checkers, they shared their bourbon with us. i taught her how to play chess. sort of taught her. she definitely still doesn’t get it but that’s okay. we played checkers with the old folks until they had to go to bed the way old folks do. she hasn’t smiled like that in a long time. her laugh is so genuine when she’s not trying to hide it from steve. the way the corners of her lips crease right before she’s about to giggle. i never see that anymore. i wanna make her laugh forever.

she kissed me up here and thanked me for dinner but she doesn’t have to. we made out a little a lot, and i know she wanted to fuck but i just didn’t feel like it was the right time. and like, who the fuck am i, right? when have i ever said no? but i don’t know, i just don’t want her to think i brought her up here to fuck it out of her. i want her to relax. i want it to be about her.

he called this morning. right when she left the room to go save us a table for breakfast. he's not sleeping, he called his doctor to find a shrink. he's scared they're gonna put him on pills, but maybe he needs pills. he sounds bad but he said he's not mad at me. i shouldn't care if he is or not, but it felt nice to hear him say it. he didn't ask to talk to her which i thought was brave but i know he was listening hard to hear her in the background.

i don't know what we're gonna do today, she's getting dressed and doing her hair. maybe we'll just drive around until we find something cool. take her shopping at some of the little kitchy stores that're over here. get some dumb christmas ornaments for next year.

i'm excited to kiss her again.

i'm more excited to hold her hand.

- ed

[eldritch-araneae]

3 Questions for sparkpulse one whats windblade's relationship with chromia and arcee, is arcee a singer in this one since i saw your "rehearsal" art, What was elita one like before she got turned into blackarachnia was she still optimus partner in this one?

(content warning for third answer which is touches the topic of forced experimentation and mnemosurgery)

Chromia was the one who taught Windblade combat and how to wield a sword. They are friends and would spar often! With Arcee I would say they're friends, tho a bit more distant.

Windy used to be a pretty distant person until recent. Despite her main job as Autobot therapist along with Lifeline and Memory Detective, she was very socially awkward outside of her job. So making friends was difficult and people thought she just very private person like Blackaracnea and gave her a lot of space... which isn't exactly what she wanted.

So imagine the surprise everyone had when Bumblebee appeared and suddenly Windblade is friends with him and they act like they knew each other for a long time ( and thinking "but how? wasn't he just forged?") and even showing her playful and mischievous sides.

Windblade would tag along with Bumblebee everywhere and soon she picked some social skills from HIM, copying the phrases and even gestures. After that she can interact with people on her own~

Because she would hang out with Bee a lot, they have a lot mutual friends, mostly coming from SpecialOps Department. She's good friends with Jazz, Cheetor and Blaster.

--------

Arcee is an opera singer in my continuity, yes! And shares musical background with Slipstream, a violinist from the orchestra~

(also I def wanna redo this art, bc I think I can do better with her!)

She is often playful on scene and might even come down to the orchestra and hang out near her favorite musicians as she performed. The purple and blue violinist as her absolute favorite :3

Perhaps, they can do this again in current timeline *wink wink*.

--------

While I took the inspiration from TFA, the main difference that Blackaracnea wasn't Elita-1 at beginning, she was forcibly TURNED into Elita-1 by Shockwave and his assistants during Fucntionist Era.

Shockwave always had a dream to create/reform perfect cybertronians for his purposes aka create the perfect cog for rich ppl profit and power machine, and BA was one of the victims.

But because of nature of the spark, forced changes from the outside sources (meaning changes that aren't initiated by evolving spark itself) cannot stick permanently. That means those modified parts will be rejected and fall off, while the body will restore it's original form.

Shockwave tried to many way get around this protective protocol but all his experiments (including Cold Constructs) failed.

(Which is why he's obsessed with Bumblebee rn. The minibot has mismatching alt-mode and the only living Cold Construct. He wants find out why Bumblebee functions and try to replicate it.)

BA was eventually saved by Airrazor (later they end up dating), and she brought to safety among Optimus and his team. She's is historian like him so they bonded over this, while also befriending Jazz, Prowl and Megatron, and played a major role when they fought again functionism.

She also suffered from mnemosurgery (one of the theory that sense of self and memories is what caused the system to reject changes, which was also proved false), so even after she recovered and returned to his original shape, she couldn't remember anything of her past.

So for a looong time she known as Elita-1 until Devastation Era and Windblade appeared. Windy used her telepathy to finds bits and pieces of memories, that lingered even after mnemosurgery. She helped BA to remember who she was and even her name, tho the majority was lost. Still, it's better than nothing.

Also, she's not Optimus partner in this one ( Airrazor is her conjux), while Op have a close relationship with Prowl and Jazz. Which is a mystery for everyone else, bc no one knows if they're all conjuxes or amicas and mixed? Ppl only one know that three are bonded and that's it dhbfhdbgf

[bonky-n-steeb]

this probably isn’t a good idea but this has been bobbing in my head for awhile…what if bucky had killed one of y/n’s close family members like their sibling or parent(s) or anything like that while he was winter soldier and they’re one of the people on bucky’s list in tfatws to make amends and he’s like taking them on dates and stuff to show them he’s sorry and he remembers their family member and bucky ends up catching feelings for them??

this is probably a TERRIBLE idea and i’m probably making myself look DUMB MAYBE U COULD MAKE IT A LOT BETTER IDKXKENDDN I ADORE YOU AND YOUR BLOG EEEE

Thank you!!!! You made me blush. 🥰 This is an AMAZING idea and I’ll come there and bonk you if you ever again say it’s terrible. Ily 😘 I hope you like it!

the sun and the shadow

𝙗𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || angst with a happy ending

this is not proofread :/

This reminds of that post I’d seen where it was like you go on a date with Bucky and he tells you he killed your grandma ���

Bucky wanted to tell you. He really did. But how could he? How could he tell you about his heinous crimes when you were all he had.

Bucky still remembered your first meeting. He had cancelled the names above you on the list and now it was your turn. It was simple, he was going to confess and apologise and walk away towards a new day.

His therapist had said it would help him. He still didn’t know how removing the scabs on his wounds would ever be good for him; but he did it nonetheless.

And it was probably helpful. He could sleep much better at night knowing that there wasn’t anything to hide anymore. But he would never say this out loud; he had a grumpy reputation to maintain after all.

But then he’d met you. You were waiting for some blind date at a restaurant when he had approached you. He was about to introduce himself but before that, you’d considered him to be your blind date.

You couldn’t believe that the white wolf was your blind date. The one and only Bucky Barnes. Like were the avengers on tinder too?

Bucky thought maybe it was for the better and had started talking with you. I’ll tell her at the end of the night, he told himself. But just like your actual date, the end of the night never came.

And one date, extended to two; and two became three, and it went on. Bucky hadn’t told you he wasn’t your actual date and neither did he tell you that he had killed your only brother.

He had been on a mission where along with a few others, he had killed your brother. Back then, the soldier didn’t feel any remorse. He wasn’t programmed to feel. But now the guilt ate him every moment of his life.

He knew that the day the truth would spill out, was the day you’d leave him. And just the thought of losing you brought upon immeasurable pain.

You were filled with life and your eyes twinkled with hope as you spoke and he couldn’t blame himself for wanting to have a share of your light. You were the sun and he was the shadow.

There wouldn’t be a shadow without the sun just like there wouldn’t be darkness without light. And he too would cease to exist without you.

Hydra had sucked out his memories and emotions. And even after his memories were back, he never thought he’d ever feel again. But then you made him feel.

He felt proud when you laughed at his jokes and he felt happy when you baked cookies. He felt jealous when someone looked at you the wrong way and he felt sad when you cried. Most importantly, he felt love every time he saw you.

But today was going to be the most difficult day he was yet to live. Today was your brother’s death anniversary and you had trusted him enough to ask him to be with you when you visited your brother’s grave.

He couldn’t deny you that. But he couldn’t keep this secret any longer either. He was finally going to tell you. Even if you slapped him and walked away, he would take the pain you gave willingly.

Bucky patiently waited for you in his car. When you came out of your house and sat besides Bucky, your eyes were red rimmed and he was pretty sure you had cried the previous night.

He asked you if you were fine and only when you nodded did he start his car. The entire ride you both were silent. You were lost in the memories of your brother while he was debating when to tell you.

When you reached the graveyard, you walked towards your brother’s grave while Bucky stood at a distance. He knew you needed some alone time with him.

You placed the flowers you had brought near the gravestone and quietly leaned against it. You wanted to tell him so much, but at the same time you couldn’t quite speak a word.

Never in your life had you thought he’d leave you so soon. But fate was cruel and death always took the best people. You just hoped he was happy and at peace wherever he was.

Every year after his passing, you’d come here and tell him the highlights of your year. This time was no different; you him about your promotion, your new car and most importantly Bucky.

Bucky was nothing like you’d expected him to be. He was caring, resourceful and loyal. He was a gentleman through and through. You were sure your brother and Bucky would be friends if he were alive.

Once you were done, you walked towards Bucky with a smile. He on the other hand looked tense and worried. “I want to tell you something.”

You nodded him to go ahead. “I… I killed your brother.” There was no point sugar coating it. Now that it was out of his system, he felt much better; though he knew what was to come.

“What?” You couldn’t digest words that fell on your ear. “When I was the winter soldier.. I, uh… I murdered him.”

He saw how your face crumbled, how your nose scrunched up and how the tears rushed to your eyes. You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

You walked behind until your back hit a tree and sagged against it. “Go away. Please.” Your voice was hoarse from all the crying and there was an underlying pain in it.

Bucky wanted to hold you and tell you how much he loved you. But the he was cause of your misery, wasn’t he? He had been selfish; if he had told you on the first day itself you wouldn’t feel this heartbreak.

Holding your head in your palms, you tightly closed your eyes and refused to watch him walk away. And the only question you asked to god, again and again was, why?

~~~

The tv screen was playing some football match as Bucky sat on the floor of his house, loathing himself. There were discarded beer bottles and leftover chips just laying around on the floor.

He knew he was supposed to clean the house and go to work. But he didn’t feel like doing anything. No matter what he did, your thought never left his mind.

He missed it when the first time it happened, but the second time his ears perked up when he heard the bell go off. Someone was here to visit him. He was 99% sure it must be Sam.

Before answering, he checked his phone. He almost gasped when he noted it been two whole days since the incident and he hadn’t even realised. God lord, he needed to get it together.

When he opened the door, he saw the last person he expected to, you. You offered him a bright smile when you saw him and he returned it back. Everything didn’t seem so difficult anymore.

“Um, hey!” He didn’t know why your mood suddenly became awkward. He followed your eyes and looked down. He wanted to smack himself when he realised he was practically naked save for his boxers.

“Oops! Wait a minute!” Bucky replied as he sprinted back into his bedroom. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t seen him in his boxers, but right now it was purely awkward.

When he came back, he was wearing a Henley and sweatpants. “Hi!” He shyly ran his hands through his hair. “I thought it was… over.” Bucky felt heavy even while saying it out loud.

“Do you want it to be?” Your intentions of coming here were much different. “No. I…” Bucky couldn’t say anything further. “I want us to be together.”

Bucky stared at you as if he’d seen a ghost. Did you just say that or was he imagining it? “But I…” You sighed as you began speaking,

“Yeah I know. I thought a lot in these two days. What you did wasn’t up to you. I can’t blame you for what hydra did. It wasn’t at all your fault.

And Bucky I love you.” Without being able to stop for a moment, he engulfed you into a bear hug. “You… you forgive me?” He was the happiest he had ever been.

“Bucky, there is nothing to forgive. But if it makes you happy, then yes I forgive you.” Oh, how had Bucky yearned to listen to those words.

“I have to tell you two things too.” You pouted, what did he want to tell you now? “Second, I’m not your actual blind date. I came there to tell you about your brother but you considered me your date and I couldn’t stop you.”

Bucky was shocked to see you laughing. “I… I know!” Bucky stared at you with wide eyes. “That idiot called me a day later and told me his boss told him to work over time so he couldn’t come. And I knew it definitely wasn’t you who was supposed to be coming.”

Bucky chuckled as he pulled you closer. “And what’s the first thing?” You asked in a sultry tone. “The first thing is,… I love you.”

You pulled his face down and kissed him. “As much as I love you, I need you to take a bath Bucky. You stink!” Bucky winked back, “Anything for you doll.”

[tarithenurse]

Accidental Partners - 8

Fandom: MCU Pairing: Sam Wilson &/x fem!reader Contents: For this one you can expect more of those pesky feelings! A/N: It’s been ages since I posted, so you can find the previous chapter here. An update on my writing status? It’s still going very slow because I spend a lot of time on work and therapy and real life shit but I’m doing better at least and hope to regain my desire to write as time passes.

8. A change

...  Sam   ...

“So...” Sam beings hesitantly, “what do you think of the lawyer?”

He just has to ask something, get a conversation going that can drown out the words that are echoing in his brain. “I’d like to think of him as my friend”. Why did it hurt so much? It was more than he had expected the day he decided to sneak through the window at a therapists waiting room, leaving his gear on the fire escape for Bucky to pick up. Sam had done it one a whim, lucky to predict [Y/N]’s movements through the simple layout of the building and even luckier that she just went along with the game which allowed them to lay low and escape detection.

“I...he seems good, I guess,” the hesitant answer breaks him from the musings of a desperate man, “it’s not like I’ve got a whole lot to compare him with, y’know.”

Doh. “Of course not.”

Silence falls once more, making Sam’s insides cringe and his brain come up with nothing but static.

“He uh he asked me something,” [Y/N] continues after a moment.

“Yeah?” I know, I heard.

She looks forlorn as she continues. “He asked what I’d do once this is all over, assuming I walk free...”

The mental record scratch jolts Sam’s thoughts into a different path, struggling to keep up with the unexpected subject. “What’d you say?”

“That I’d have to think about it but I’d like it to be something where I can put my skills to better use.”

“Like...uhm...intelligence gathering or something? CIA?”

“Hah!” the laugh is dry and humourless, “like they’ll ever let me join their ranks now. No...or yes, but maybe at a different agency.”

...  Reader   ...

You can see his brows narrow and his mouth set in the way it always does when he’s thinking hard. Suddenly you’re nervous that you might have misunderstood the intentions way back when he first spoke with you at the cafe after he’d saved your ass from the federal team chasing you. Didn’t he mean for me to join SHIELD?

“I know of at least one place that could use your skills...and even if that should fail I’m fairly sure Bucky and I could use the help.” His frown dissipates, replaced by a different kind of concern. “I’m fairly certain that any place you’d end up would need you to pass some sort of physical, though.”

The kind of physical he means probably isn’t the type that’s rushing through your mind, making you cheeks glow hot. “I uhm,” you try to cover your embarrassment, “might be a bit out of shape.”

“Nothing I can’t help you with, if you want.”

“I’d want that.”

Your answer is a bit too quick and the silence afterwards is nerve wrecking. It’s impossible to look Sam in the eyes – hell, it’s hard enough to just look at his mouth where a crooked smile is dancing – so instead you turn to occupy yourself in the kitchen with cleaning the single cup left behind by the lawyer, scrubbing it furiously as if it was the hands of lady Macbeth.

A hand lands on your shoulder, giving it a short squeeze before the heat disappears together with the sound of Sam’s feet.

...  Sam   ...

Suddenly things don’t seem so troublesome anymore. Yes, there’s the whole debacle with the trial, but for once the new Captain America dares to dream a bit further because there’s hope for something good afterwards. Before, Sam had been loathe to image an after because even a successful trial didn’t seem to guarantee what he really wanted. But now, a few minutes ago?

A deft thumbs traces the pattern on the phone as he sends the news of [Y/N]’s interest in a specific job to the right channels.

Bucky’s answer comes promptly: “You’re gonna be insufferable if she doesn’t join us, aren’t you?” There’s even a winking smiley face – Bucky has recently been introduced to the proper used of emojis by Sam’s nephews.

...  Reader  ...

As if to prepare for the best, Sam begins to make good on his promise the next day already: hours that have been empty and filled of tedious nonsense to while the time away are now spent with indoor workout regimes to the sound of upbeat music. The good thing is that he doesn’t seem to mind how out of shape you are. The bad thing is how out of shape you are.

“Saaaaam,�� you groan, trying to push yourself up from the floor in what feels like the 100th push up.

“If you can talk, then you’re not using all your energy on training, babe,” he teases, but orders you to take a water break anyways.

He’s, for lack of a better word, bossy when he trains you but he doesn’t fail to encourage you and make you feel like you’re doing great every time you struggle with a set.

“Gotta say I’m impressed,” he admits.

“Why? I stink at this! AND I stink!”

He grins at you. “Stink of hard work, maybe.” Leaning closer he sniffs the air near you, making you unbearably conscious of the sweat on your skin. “Yup, that’s endurance and willpower right there!”

“Riiight.”

“No, I mean it. [Y/N], you’re dealing with a lot at the moment and now I’m ordering you around too...it can’t be easy.”

Falling silent, you take a rare moment to let it all sink it, something that you normally try to avoid because it always becomes too much and it’s the same this time: the weight on your chest changes from the kind from short breath to something deeper, your throat threatens to close, and tears slowly rise in your eye.

No! I can’t. Not now. Blinking the blur away, you stride to the kitchen with a mumbled excuse about refilling your glass of water (even though it’s half full).

The jug of water in the fridge is almost empty, providing a much needed delay where you can get your emotions under control. Or so you think.

“[Y/N]...” Sam’s hand is gentle on your shoulder and you instinctively lean into his hold. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, y’know?”

Salty drops mix with the cool water for a moment. Then the tap is stopped, the jug is lifted out of your hands and you’re spun around into an awkward hug. You can’t see through the tears at all this time, but that’s okay because everything within is telling you that you’re safe in Sam’s arms and there is no awkwardness as you had expected but simply a feeling of it being right.

The two of you stand for a long time until your cheeks are dry again and the heaving for air has calmed. I don’t want to move. A weight has been lifted from your shoulders...even if it’s just temporary. And he feels so warm. Stifling a yawn, you snuggle in slightly closer out of instinct and you’re pleased to discover that he tightens the hold on you rather than turn you away.

“Better?” Sam’s voice is barely a whisper.

“Mhmm,” you concede without letting go of the man.

“Good.”

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

You’ll Have To Come and Find Me - fic

Characters: Tim Drake, Damian Wayne Summary: Damian runs into someone on his way to the League of Lazarus’ tournament. The last person he wanted to see. The last person who should have been looking for him. A/N: Just a thought in my brain that wouldn’t quit. Dialogue heavy. Shittily written idk. ‘Polarize’ by TwentyOne Pilots is such a Damian song to me, and was in my head while writing this, so inspired the title. Might continue this idea a little bit as the Robin series continues, who knows.

~~

He was counting the money from his fight with King Snake as he walked into the café. That’s why he didn’t notice. That’s why he didn’t see.

That’s what he told himself.

But after he walked in the door, he found himself freezing as he looked up.

No.

He’d been so careful, so deliberate. He didn’t leave any traces. He knew he didn’t. There was no way they could find him.

And of course, he couldn’t even back out now. Couldn’t sneak back out of the restaurant, back into the darkness. Because Timothy Drake was already lowering his cup of tea and raising his head to look at him.

They stared at each other for a second. Two. Three. Four. Five. Faces blank, mouths shut.

Then Tim smiled, turned towards the café’s counter and waved. The barista nodded and started on a drink.

Nope. No turning back now.

“How did you find me?” Damian demanded as he stomped forward. Tim motioned to the empty, waiting, chair across from him. A glass of water was already there, as was an empty plate.

Tim shrugged. “Wasn’t that hard.”

“Liar.” Damian spat. “I covered my tracks. I made sure-”

“You made sure Bruce couldn’t find you.” Tim countered, pulling his napkin onto his lap. “And I am not Bruce.”

“…Oracle is smarter than you.” Damian tried.

“Absolutely.” Tim took another sip of his tea. “But I know you better.”

“You don’t know me at all.” Damian crossed his arms. He nodded a thanks to the waiter as he brought Damian’s drink, and a basket of bread. It was tea, like Tim’s, and he could see two sugar cubes dissolving in the bottom.

…His preferred preparation.

He never told Tim how he liked his tea. He never told Tim he liked tea at all.

He glanced up to the elder. Tim smiled behind his own cup and raised his eyebrows. See?

Damian huffed, taking the drink. “What do you want?”

“To find you. Duh.”

“To what, mock me? Remind me of my failures? Rub it in my face that once again you prove you’re better than me?” Damian listed. But as he spoke, Tim’s amused face fell back into stoic, blank.

“No. I wouldn’t do that in the first place. Not…” He lowered his cup once more, stared into the liquid. “Not now, anyway.”

Damian narrowed his eyes, gaze bouncing around Tim’s face, trying to read it. Trying to figure his predecessor out.

“Really?” Damian drawled in disbelief. “So, you’re not here to gloat about how Father gave you Robin back?”

Damian was surprised to see Tim’s face darken, just a little. “I didn’t want it back. He forced it on me in a weird grief-fueled crusade after you disappeared.” Tim glanced up. “A lot’s happened since you left.”

“I’ve been back since I renounced Robin. All this tracking me and you didn’t know that?”

“No, I mean, even since then.” Tim sighed. “…Did you know Dick had regained his memories before you helped save him and the family?”

Damian pursed his lips, stared at the basket of bread. “…No.”

“…How are you feeling about that?” Tim asked softly.

“I don’t need your pathetic brand of therapy, Drake.” Damian snapped.

“I’m not trying to play therapist, I’m just trying to make sure my little brother is okay.” Tim shot back just as harshly. “Especially since he’s running off to some secret tournament that he could die in.”

Tim’s mouth clamped shut then, and Damian watched him. “…How did you know about that?”

“That’s not important, here, okay, I just-”

“It is to me.” Damian countered. “Tell me or I’m leaving.”

Tim glowered back at him. “I’ll follow you.”

“Not if I break your leg.”

“Why do you…!” Tim cut himself off in a sigh, slumped back in his chair. “I got word Talia was in town, followed her tracks. Saw the security footage from her apartment when you went and met her. Heard about that League of Lazarus thing and looked into it.”

“How did you look into it?” Damian asked. “Even I didn’t know about it. And if Mother wasn’t forthcoming with me, I can’t see her being a source of information for you.”

Now it was Tim’s turn to cross his arms and look away.

Damian studied him for a moment, then let his eyes go wide. “…You didn’t.”

“Look, I said it didn’t matter-”

“You did not contact Grandfather for information.” Damian practically begged. “Drake!”

“You know as well as I do he’ll give me anything I want if I’m the one to reach out to him.” Tim reassured quickly. “And sorry if my brother’s safety is a good reason for me to contact an enemy!”

Damian glared at him for a moment before looking at the clean white plate. “…Stop calling me your brother.”

“Oh, for god’s sake, Damian-”

“Because after what I’ve done, I don’t deserve the title.”

Tim paused then, stared right back. Sighed and leaned forward to grab his tea again.

“What happened wasn’t your fault.” Tim whispered. “Definitely not Dick, not Alfred…especially not Alfred…I know you think it is, and trust me, I get that. I felt the same back when my dad died. Bruce.” A moment. “…You.”

Damian glanced up at him.

“I get that you think it was. Because you were there, because you’re supposed to be a hero, that’s what the world thinks you are, but…It’s not, Damian. It never was. You’re just a kid. A kid in a shitty, traumatic situation.” Tim hesitated, and Damian watched as he swallowed a lump in his throat. “And we just want you to come home.”

“Why?” Damian asked quietly. “I’ll do nothing but hurt all of you.”

“Can I make a counterpoint to that?” Tim asked. “What do you think you’re doing to us now? Disappearing? We don’t know how you are, or if you’re even alive. Don’t you think that’s hurting us too?”

“…It shouldn’t.”

“Well. It does.” Tim sniffed. “That’s why I’m here. That’s part of why Babs became Oracle again. That’s why Dick wants to use the fortune Alfred left him to find you.”

“Forget about me.” Damian shook his head. “You’ll all be better off. Grayson especially.”

“A matter of personal opinion. An opinion I highly disagree with.” Tim shrugged. “And just because Dick, arguably, loves you the most, therefore is the most heartbroken with you not there, doesn’t mean he’ll be better off if you just…vanish from his life like you weren’t ever there in the first place.”

“He thrived without any memories of me as the cab driver, so we have proof that he would be.” Damian explained. “Besides. Time heals all wounds. Or whatever. You’ll all forget about me if you give yourself the chance to.”

“And I think you dying is proof that we won’t, and can’t.” Tim leaned forward more, reaching for Damian’s hand. Damian allowed him to take it. “Which is why I’m here.”

“I’m not going back to Gotham, Drake. I can’t.” Damian murmured, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “I’m not…I can’t be there. Right now.”

“I know. I know I said we want you home, but I never said I was taking you back. I told you I’m out here to find you.”

“Well. Congratulations.” Damian said bitterly. “You did.”

Tim smiled. “Great.” He squeezed Damian’s hand and released it. “So, where’s this island? For the tournament?”

Damian furrowed his brows. “What?”

“I’m not taking you home. I promise.” Tim let his grin widen, become just a little too shit-eating. “But that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you.”

“…You’re not serious.”

“My goal was to find you. And not lose you again. The only way to do that is to not leave you, in my deductions.” Tim winked. “Besides, you were right – this Lazarus Tournament sounds interesting. And concerning. You’re gonna need backup. More than the folks we know who are gonna be there already, anyway.”

“…How do you know who’s in the tournament?” Damian asked slowly. Tim just pursed his lips, blinked, and grinned. Damian sighed. “After this tournament, I’m making sure my grandfather never contacts you again.”

“Hey, sometimes it’s nice having a super-villain obsessed with you.” Tim shrugged. “Helped me get you back, after all.”

“All the more reason I’ll have to kill him.”

Tim laughed at that, took a piece of bread for himself. “…You okay with me tagging along?”

Damian sipped his tea. “Not in the slightest.”

“Good.” Tim glanced at his watch. “About an hour until your boat arrives. That’s enough time for you to rest a little while we figure out an outline of a plan to take out this League of Lazarus.”

At that, Tim turned, digging in the backpack he had hanging off his chair. Damian watched him as he pulled out papers and notebooks, dropping them on the table between them.

And he didn’t want it. Didn’t deserve it. His family deserved better. Drake deserved better. Drake had better things to do than chase him, a failure, across the world, and hardly for either of their own sakes. All for the sake of their family. Because Tim loved them. Because Damian loved them. Because Tim loved Damian too.

“…Drake?” Damian whispered. Tim glanced up. “…Thank you for finding me.”

Tim blinked, and let his face drop into a smile. “Any time, little brother.”

[ohmygoodnessgraciouss]

Reality Check - Chapter 7

4400 words later, here we are! 

Summary: Memories.  

Notes: This is just to give you an idea on the reader’s past!  Obviously, it doesn’t include every single moment Loki and the Reader have spent together.  I’d have a lot to write.  But this gives you an idea of how it all started. They’re so cute together!  I’ll include more about their story later on, I think, but for now... Here’s the origin. 

Masterlist

“Who are you? And why does the Allfather want you here of all places?” Loki, one of the princes, asked, watching you browse the library. You had just come into the palace for the first time a week ago. The library was one of the many rooms you hadn’t explored yet.

“He noticed that Frigga and I have been meeting constantly, researching together, and he wanted to know what I knew about it. He wanted to learn more.”

“Learn more? Doesn’t he know everything?” He sat down, continuing to watch you gaze at the books.

“Not everything,” A sly smile was on your lips. “There are many things he doesn’t know of yet. Worlds that he has yet to explore and magic he’s yet to seen or experience. Frigga and I are hoping to introduce him to this new knowledge. Once we figure it out too, of course.” You pulled out one book, its cover worn and torn from old age. You sat down next to Loki, flipping through the pages.

“Interesting. You never told me your name though. How do you know my mother so personally that you’re on a first-name basis with her?” He asked.

You froze momentarily, trying to come up with an answer. “Let’s just say she’s a close friend of mine. We met a while ago and that’s about the extent of all that I can say right now. It’s a secret,” You placed a finger on your lips, winking at him. “The name’s Y/N, by the way. You’re Loki, right?”

“Yes, that’s my name. How did you know? You don’t look like anyone else here given your,” He looked down at your outfit, “Clothing of choice.”

“Your mother talks about you a lot. She cares about you very much and I’ve heard a lot. She thinks that I don’t listen to her but she’s told me many stories about you and your brother.”

“Hopefully nothing too humiliating, I’ll assume,” He said, smiling sheepishly.

“Nothing of the sorts, I promise you.”

~

“Do you just hang out here every day? Don’t you have princely duties to do or something?” You teased him, walking into the library. It seemed like you ran into him every time you went for a book in the room.

“Not every day, but most of the time to avoid my brother,” He shrugged. “No one ever notices when I’m gone anyway,” He muttered under his breath. He began following you down the aisles of books.

“Clearly I notice when you’re gone if I noted that you’re here all the time,” You said, grabbing a book from one of the many shelves. Loki was standing nearby, leaning against a pillar. “Can I help you?” You asked.

“Just figured I’d follow, in case you needed something from the top shelf, darling.” He grinned.

“I’m more than capable of grabbing a book on my own, thank you very much, prince,” You rolled your eyes playfully at the man, who only grimaced when you said that.

“Oh, don’t call me that. Mother used to call me that every time I was being improper and now it only gives me traumatic memories.” He said, trying to hold back a small laugh.

“Oh yeah? Well, perhaps I’ll only use it when you accuse me of being too short to grab a book. Besides, I don’t need my height to help me get something from a high shelf, I could always use-” You stopped short, unsure of whether or not you could tell Loki. Frigga always told you to try and keep it a secret from as many people as possible.

“Use what?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Use a step stool,” You said slowly, knowing it didn’t sound believable at all.

“A step stool?”

“Absolutely! Those things are very helpful, even for taller people! You don’t want to hurt your shoulder by stretching it, right?”

“I can’t think of a single time where I hurt it that way, but if it helps you sleep better at night, we’ll say that for now.”

You smiled at the man, who smirked at your reaction. He knew you knew that there was no saving this one. “So what were you going to say before you tried to lie?”

“Would Frigga be mad if I told her son about what’s going on with me? Probably not, but I’m not telling you in case she does,” You said, shaking your head at the god. He frowned, before the smirk returned on his face once again.

“You’re far more interesting than I thought you would be.”

“You once thought I was dull?”

“Oh, absolutely. Most people here are. But you won’t even tell me what’s going on between you and my mother. I can’t say that I’m not intrigued.”

You looked at the shelf before you, keeping your eyes off of Loki on purpose. You grabbed a red book from one of the shelves, clutching it close to your chest. “Looks like I have what I need. I’ll see you later, prince.”

“Didn’t you need something from the top shelf?”

You continued to walk away, refusing to look back at him. You bit back a remark. “I never said I needed one from the top shelf, you did. Besides, if I need one I’ll go find a stepstool first.”

~

The next time you entered the library would be quiet. You looked around the large room. The chairs were pushed into the tables, the small oil lamps were off. Curtains were pulled back, allowing the daylight to seep in, but not so much that they reached the books.

You breathed a sigh of relief, being unable to find Loki. It’s not that you didn’t like him, but you didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now. Frigga exhausted you of your energy during your session today. She wanted to see the full extent of what you could do and all you wanted to do was sleep.

Unfortunately, you had to grab a book on light magic before you could go to your room. Frigga requested you to grab it before you slept, and besides, it would’ve been a far journey after sleeping to go all the way back to the library. It was easier to catch it on the way back.

You walked down the aisles, scanning for the book. It was a large one, the size of a dictionary. It couldn’t be hard to miss. Of course, though, it was on one of the higher shelves.

You groaned outwardly and stepped onto one of the ledges. It gave you enough height to reach the book at least. Easily pulling the black book out, you cheered while stepping off the ledge. Unfortunately, not everything could be as easy as pulling a book out.

A book that was next to the one you wanted slid out because of the opening next to it, falling off the shelf. Before it could hit the floor you held your hand out. It stopped two inches off the ground. You breathed a sigh of relief, before moving your hand up. The book began to move along with your hand, swiftly being placed with the other books.

You lowered your hand, exhaustion really hitting you now. As if it wasn’t bad enough that you wasted energy this entire afternoon on practicing, you used up even more just so that the book wouldn’t crash on the floor. No one was even there, it’s not like it would’ve disturbed anyone.

Or so you hoped.

“What are you?” A voice made you jump. You turned around to see the one man you constantly see in the library. Loki.

“What do you mean?” You asked, rolling your eyes slightly. You weren’t in the mood to tolerate his attitude.

“The way you lifted that book without laying a finger on it. Any magic user would leave some kind of residue on it, whether it’s visible to the naked eye or just something another user can sense. You had neither,” He commented, walking up to you.

“What do you want me to say, Loki?”

“I want you to tell me who you are.”

“Do you promise not to tell anyone else?”

“Cross my heart.”

~

“The Phoenix Force, you say? I’ve only read about it in fairy tales. It’s not supposed to be real.” The two of you were now sitting in a separate section of the library. It was a study room, completely empty, meant only for the royals. You sat across from Loki, who watched you in amazement.

“It’s as real as you and I, clearly. I didn’t exactly have these powers ten years ago. I don’t even remember how I got them.”

“The Phoenix Force is said to only show itself to those who are near death. Perhaps you nearly died once and you suppressed the trauma.”

“Maybe. Either way, that’s why Frigga and I have been working closely together. They couldn’t help me where I’m from. Frigga says that word had spread around that the Phoenix Force made an appearance, which led her to me. She was the only one who would even approach me.”

“Why?” He asked, leaning back in his chair.

“I didn’t have any control over it. Everyone feared me because of it. When Frigga walked up to me I just assumed she was the only one brave enough to end me right there. She used her own magic to protect herself because I kept flinging objects left and right, turning them from glass to gold.” You shook your head, trying to get the awful images out of your head.

“Is that why you won’t tell anyone? You’re afraid of how they will react?”

“Since when were you a therapist?” You scoffed.

“Since I found out you’re more powerful than you look.”

“Careful now, prince. I’ll start thinking you just want to use me. We both know the Phoenix is a lot stronger than a lot of magic when it’s controlled.”

“Then I challenge you to a duel.”

“What?!”

“Clearly you underestimate what I’m able to do, and I’m interested in what you can do now. Let’s have a duel. May the best man, or woman, win.”

“What if your mother finds out?”

“With Thor’s coronation coming up, she’ll be far too distracted to worry.”

~

The two of you met out in one of the gardens. No one was around. The trees were much larger than you thought at first, easily towering over anything nearby. They created enough shade that shielded you away from the blistering sun. The grass beneath your feet was still warm, gently brushing against your ankles.

On any other day you would consider this a beautiful day. Today, you dreaded the gardens. Loki planned for the duel to happen today, only two days after you told him about your powers. He was waiting very impatiently for this day. A part of him simply wanted to test your powers, but another part, you knew, was to try and prove himself.

You hadn’t known him for long, but the conversations the two of you shared were enough to tell you what he was like. He was kind when he wanted to be, but he was slowly being corrupted by the favoritism that lurked within the royal family. Anyone could see that Thor was favored, but not everyone could see how much it affected the younger brother.

Whenever the two of you spoke about Odin, venom would lace his voice. When he spoke of Thor or Frigga, it would be replaced with love and admiration. It was clear he loved his family... Well, except for his father.

If you ever started talking about Odin with him you would find a reason to change the subject. You liked when he talked about anything else. He had a passion for reading, learning about various cultures or magic. The first time you asked you could see his eyes light up. It was clear that he was used to being ignored by everyone.

“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” His voice broke you out of your thoughts. You looked at him, noticing that he had his Asgardian armor on.

“It is. I can see why you chose this place now. Is this where you go when you’re not in the library?”

“Sometimes. It’s the perfect place to get away from everyone. Not many people venture this far for a garden. Most of the other gardens are much closer to the castle.”

“Which is why no one will be able to see us having it out as well,” You deduced.

“Precisely. Now, are you ready?” He grinned.

“I was born ready.”

The battle quickly began with Loki running to hide behind a tree. You followed him quickly, looking behind the tree he just went to. He wasn’t there, leading you to back yourself up against the tree, scanning the area for him. You spotted him only a few yards away, grinning at you.

Something felt off about it, so you cautiously walked up to him. He sent a blast of energy at you before teleporting once again. You dodged it, sending you somersaulting away. Before you could get up, you felt a kick send you into a tree.

Almost as if it was an instinct, you lifted your hand, sending a cosmic flame at him. His eyes widened as he quickly backed away from the heat. It was too intense for him, but it was clear it meant nothing for you. “Pyrokinesis, hm? Interesting.”

The flame died out and you could feel the amount of energy you lost. The adrenaline rush was enough to make you stand up though, backing up a little to create some more space between the two of you. He pulled out his blades, watching you carefully.

He threw one of the daggers at you, barely missing your shoulder. Your eyes widened as you tried to figure out your next move. You didn’t have a lot of time though since it was likely he would throw the next one immediately after.

Sure enough another dagger was thrown by you. You jumped back in fear, the dagger skimming past your arm. A small cut appeared, blood beginning to form on top of your skin. Glancing down at it was your big mistake as he took advantage of that.

Grabbing you by the wrists he slammed you up against the trees. Because you were too shocked from the action and too weakened by what you had done earlier, you were practically powerless in this situation. His eyes flickered from your eyes to one of your wrists. “You’re hot,” He commented.

“Well, I’m flattered, but I already knew that,” You said sarcastically. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Asgardians don’t use that word? Oh, nevermind I’ll explain it later. But yes, I’m hot. I always am anymore since I’ve gotten this power.”

“It makes sense. What’s concerning is what you would do if you had to face an Asgardian summer. I fear you’ll burn to a crisp,” He joked. Loosening his grip on your wrists, he backed off.

“Well let’s hope that doesn’t happen. I quite like living,”

He laughed lightly before turning serious. “Your technique needs improvement and it’s clear that you need to train more with the Phoenix. You show potential though. I can see why my mother is meeting with you about it so much.”

“Yeah, I’m hoping she’s able to help me with that. It seems like it’s uncontrollable at times. It just wears me out if I use it too much.”

“That’s expected. You said you’ve had it for less than a decade, correct? No one would expect you to be a master at it yet.”

“Keep in mind that ten years is like a week for me,” You mentioned.

“Even in human years, that’s not long at all for your special case. You need a better understanding of what the Phoenix Force is before you can master it. Fortunately for you, I know exactly where we can learn more.”

~

The weeks went by and you spent more and more time with Loki. You bonded with him more than you thought you would. He was a good person, just closed-off because of how he was brought up. He wasn’t used to being someone’s main focal point. Odin had always pitted him and Thor against one another, so to be able to relax with someone without worrying about his father was... Different. It was new.

Which brought him to this exact moment.

“Will you come to the coronation with me?” He asked, closing the book he had open in the library. It made you jump because it had been so quiet for so long.

“What?”

“Come to the coronation with me.”

“As your date? Aw, Prince Loki, I’m honored!”

“Date?” He questioned.

“Oh for the love of- It’s another thing from Earth that you won’t understand. But wouldn’t that give a different message for everyone if I walked in with you?”

“Perhaps it will. Would there be a problem with that though?” He asked, almost innocently. He knew exactly what he was doing. He needed you to agree to it though. With the planned attack for the coronation, as long as he knows you’re close by he can ensure your safety as well as his mother’s.

“No, not at all. I would love to join you,” You smiled. He smiled back at you sweetly.

“I’m sure you will enjoy it. You’ve never seen an Asgardian celebration. Now that is something that will truly be a blast.”

“And how else would I see it unless I’m standing next to one of the royals? I’m not going to know anyone there though. I hardly ever have a chance to talk to Thor on a normal day!”

“You need not worry about that, Y/N. I’ll make sure you enjoy your time and you get to meet some of the nobles. Most of them are quite dull though so I warn you now they may convince you that these celebrations are actually a bore.”

“What ever would I do without my prince in shining Asgardian armor?” You smirked and rolled your eyes.

“Have an even duller time at the party,” He remarked.

~

Loki had been in his room all day. You weren’t sure if you should knock on his door or not. It hurt to not see him today, but whether it was Thor’s banishment or the stress of Odin falling into Odinsleep, it had brought Loki to lock himself in his room. Even Frigga, who stayed by Odin’s side 24/7 anymore, worried for her son. She worried so much that she actually came to find you.

“Y/N? May I ask for a favor from you?” She asked, smiling softly. You were in one of the abandoned halls of the palace, practicing levitating large objects.

“Yes, of course. What can I help you with?” You asked, worried about her. If this was something so big that she left Odin’s side then it’s something you would help her with immediately.  

"It's about Loki.  I know you two grew rather close these past few weeks and I'm happy about that, truly.  He needed someone to be there for him, especially with everything that has been going on.  But recently he found out about something new and that's why you haven't seen him as much.  I know you may have been thinking that he was hiding because he is required by the Asgardian law to take up the throne now, but it really isn't.  He needs someone, needs you to talk to him.  Can you please check on him?" She asked politely.

"Frigga, you know I would love to, but what if he just needs to be alone?  Maybe he doesn't want to see me.  Maybe this is something he needs to do by himself."

"Trust me, dear, he doesn't want to do it alone.  I know my son and this is not something he wants to face alone.  He wants you to ask him about it."

You thought about the choices you had here.  You had considered asking him about it anyway, but now that Frigga was asking you to do it too... How could you say no?  You looked up at her and nodded.  "I'll check on him."  

Her smile grew and she thanked you, leaving the hallway.  A small echo could be heard as the door shut.  You groaned, flicking one of the objects up, letting it crash onto the floor.  How were you going to approach him?

~

You made your way to the door, standing in front of it for a few seconds before you even knocked.  You spent five minutes finding your way to his chambers, trying to figure out what you could possibly say to him.  How could you figure that out though?  You don't even know what's wrong.  

"Who is it?" His muffled voice came through the door.  

"It's Y/N.  What's going on, Loki?" You asked.  IT was one of the rare times you had actually called him by his name.  You always called him "Prince" to annoy him.  The fact that you're not doing it now alerted him that he should really be serious about this.  

He opened the door, letting you see him for the first time today.  His eyes were bloodshot and a little puffy, but other than that he looked fine.  With a simple illusion he would've been able to fool anyone into thinking that he was okay.  "Come in," He said, opening the door even more to allow you to walk in.

He shut the door behind you, sitting down on the bed.  You took a place next to him.  "Do you want to talk about it?"

Loki took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start.  "Have you ever discovered that no matter how hard you try to be accepted you'll never truly fit in with everyone else?" He asked.

It was a rhetorical question.  You knew him well enough now to know that much.  

"That's how I feel right now.  I knew that I never had a chance for the throne against Thor, but I finally know why.  I thought that maybe it was because he was the older brother, or perhaps it was because Odin always liked Thor better.  But now knowing, now truly knowing what the reason was..." He drifted off, fighting back new tears.  You placed a hand on his back, rubbing in circles.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," You warned him.  He shook his head.  You remained silent after that.

"I was raised to always believe that frost giants were monsters.  Asgardians fear them, and what we fear we fight.  We kill them, keep them in their place at all times.  That's what Odin did to me because he never told me that I was one of them." He raised his hand, watching it turn blue.  

You gasped unintentionally, watching his pale skin turn blue, markings beginning to rise.  You watched as it took his entire body, his eyes turning red.  He stared at you, watching your every movement with sadness.  He knew that if Asgardians feared what he was, then so would you.  

He wasn't expecting your next reaction.

"So what?"

His eyes widened and he blinked in shock.  "What do you mean?" He asked nervously.

"So what if you're a frost giant?  You're still Loki to me.  You're still that arrogant, annoying prince to me.  You just look different this way."

"But-" He tried forming words, but for once he didn't have anything to say in response, "But I'm a monster."

"Yeah, sure you are.  To everyone else, maybe.  But to me you're just the prince who I consider my only friend in this place.  No one else talks to me willingly.  I try to come up with conversations with them, but you're the only one who actually wants to talk to me.  You've helped me through training sessions, reading, studying, and coronation parties and I don't think a monster could do that.  So in my eyes, you're not a monster."

"Besides," You decided to continue.  "I'm a monster too, so that makes two of us here."

"What do you mean you're a monster?" He asked, confusion littered across his face.  He seemed almost hurt by the idea of you believing you're a monster.

"Everyone around me feared me because of my powers.  I couldn't go anywhere without them cowering away or trying to kill me.  So trust me, I know exactly how that feels.  It hurts.  It hurts like hell to be treated like a monster, but Loki you are not one to me.  I know you're not one to your mother either." You took one of his hands in yours, squeezing lightly.  He was surprised you were able to.

"How are you doing that?" He asked.

"Doing what?"

"Holding my hand," He responded.  "Frost giants' skin is supposed to be so cold that it can harm anyone who touches them."

"I think you forgot that the Phoenix makes me a lot hotter than other people.  It looks like we balance it out that way," You smiled.  "Do I feel hot?"

He focused on your joined hands, taking his thumb and rubbing your knuckles in circles much like you did with his back.  "No, not at all."

"See?  We may be exact opposites but that works in our favor for once.  Opposites attract, clearly," You laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

He smiled, his eyes turning back to their normal shade of green.  His skin turned back into its regular pale complexion.  He could feel your hand become hotter, or at least it felt like it became hotter as he went back to his normal form.  "Thank you, Y/N."

"Of course, Loki.  We'll be monsters together.  Complete opposites, but that's what helps us stick together," You grinned.  He pulled you into a hug suddenly, taking you by surprise.  His arms locked you in place, holding you close to him tightly.  You wrapped your arms around him, enjoying the feeling.  

"Thank you, darling."

You may not have been able to help him through much, but this was something you could do.  His lust for power and his fear would corrupt him later on, but for just this moment in time you could make him feel safe and loved.

And he loved it.  

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Next on Reality Check: 

The Reader is checked on and interrogated by S.W.O.R.D.  After discovering who Geraldine really is, the team discusses a plan for getting back into Westview.  With a mission to snap Wanda out of it, the team also discusses the identities of everyone in town.  The only two who didn’t have ID’s were Scott and Agnes.  Who were they? 

.

.

.

.

.

@emberfulclass @momoneymolife @high-priestesss @hailey-the-heathen @mochminnie @dpaccione @intricate-melody @lindseyrae20 @storminateacup15 @ilovemollyweasley @bookgirlunicorn @chims-kookies @austynparksandpizza @yikesdameron @littleladdty @three-eyed-snail @kymera-casterwill @justsomerandompersonintheworld @followthepastelcloud @11mb0 @carolinesbookworld @from-hel-i-with-love @grimalkynslee @boywivlove @prettysbliss @youreobsessedwithmarvel @th3gl1tt3gram3roff1c1al @luthien-t @lokilove3000 @treblebeth @weclassygirl @justfangirlingaround @drpepperobsessed @how-does-this-work @prideofnewberk @matterdontminduntildone @brynthebulldozer @shittyfuckinweeb

[aliwritesfic]

The Night Shift part 7 (F!Reader x Frankie Morales)

Summary: Sunday lunch with the nightcrew bois, what secrets will come out?

Warnings: Emotional abuse

W/C: 1.9k

Spotify

Part 1 Part 8

The sun was too fucking bright. You groaned and rolled over, mouth dry and head pounding. Your phone told you it was almost eleven, which meant you only had an hour to get ready. That was okay, though. You weren’t exactly dressing to impress. It was only Manny and Frankie . . . Frankie.With a wince, you remembered your conversation with him last night. Had it been painfully obvious that you were talking about yourself? Surely not, if he was drunk too. But as you showered, you thought about what he said, and realised that he was right. At least, he was right about what you could remember him saying. Leaving Kurt wouldn’t mean you would be alone and unloved. You had Manny and Sara; you knew they loved you. But that didn’t change that if you left, you’d have nowhere to go. You had never been the type of person to ask for handouts, especially sympathy handouts. There was just too much to think about.

A text from your phone from Sara told you as much as you needed to know about her night went.

Manifestation WORKS 😉 sent 8:34AM

You spent a few extra minutes washing your face, enjoying the feel of cool water on your skin. Flecks of makeup that you had slept in swirled down the drain, grey and black and blue. Tiny bits of glitter glinted on your cheeks, reminding you of days past when you would drown yourself in glitter to go out clubbing. The memory made you smile, remembering how carefree and happy you were just a few years ago.

Grabbing your darkest pair of sunglasses, you were ready to go. You hadn’t bothered with styling your hair beyond running a quick brush through, and your face was devoid of makeup aside from any remnants left from last night.

It was a quick walk to the bistro, your stomach roiling the entire time. You knew it was food you needed; you had already thrown up several times last night after arriving home. The thought of filling your stomach spurred you on, your feet moving slightly faster. You whipped out your phone to text Manny.

Get. Bread. Please.

There were a few unread messages from Kurt. You knew that avoiding him was immature and would only come back to bite you on the ass when he came home, but the thought of opening them and actually reading them made you feel ill. And he would know when you opened them; he complained whenever you turned your read receipts off. So, you kept them on, to keep the peace, and just avoided opening his messages until you were ready to deal with them.

The bistro came into view, and you saw Manny already sitting at your usual table on the outside terrace. You sat down gingerly next to him and flashed him a weak smile.

“You look terrible,” he said gleefully, pushing a basket of bread and butter your way. You grabbed a small roll and broke it open, inhaling the warm scent.

“I feelterrible,” you told him. “Hangovers don’t suit me.”

Manny laughed ruffled your hair. You groaned loudly, swatting his hand away, which only made him laugh harder.

“Lover, I’ve never seen you in this kind of state before, let me tease you a little,” he said. You flipped him off and ate another roll.

“Is Frankie here yet?” You asked, trying to keep the hope out of your voice. Judging by the look on Manny’s face, you had failed miserably.

“Crushing on the cook, are we?” He waggled his brows.

“No! Of course not!” You said quickly. Liar a tiny voice whispered in your ear. “I was just wondering if he got the right place.”

“Well, wonder no longer, that’s him isn’t it?”

From your spot on the terrace, you could see the familiar figure walking down the shady street to the bistro. Your palms dampened with sweat at the sight of him.

“Francisco!” Manny called, waving him over. Frankie broke into a half jog, raising his arm in a wave. You sunk slightly in your seat, praying that he wouldn’t bring up your conversation with him last night.

“How’s your hangover treating you?” Frankie asked, taking a seat at the table.

“Fucking terribly,” you said, “this is not at all what I was promised last night when I did my fourth shot.” Manny snorted and turned to the waitress who had appeared at your table.

“Good afternoon, dearest Andrea,” Manny said.

“Manny, hun, you know I hate when you use my full name,” Andi, as she preferred to be called, said. You liked Andi, she a couple years younger than you and working her way through a master’s in engineering. “What are we all having today?”

“My usual, please,” Manny said.

“The greasiest thing on the menu for me, I don’t care what it is,” you said. Andy smiled at you in sympathy, knowing the tell-tale signs of a hangover. She then turned to Frankie.

“I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting before,” she said, her voice suddenly an octave higher.

“Francisco, or Frankie if you like,” he said. “Can I have the alfredo?”

“Of course, Frankie, anything else I can get for you?”

You and Manny glanced at each other, Manny with his eyebrow slightly raised. You knew Andi was a flirt, you’d seen her flirt with customers dozens of times, but something about this felt different. Personal. You chewed the inside of your lip, hoping your annoyance didn’t show too plainly on your face.

“So, what didyou do last night, lover?” Manny turned to you once Andi left.

“Drank too much,” you said. “Kurt’s out of town and Sara’s in town so I . . . I could go out. And I saw Frankie and his friends out.”

“Are your friends all as gorgeous as you?” Manny asked, turning to Frankie who blushed deeply.

“I wouldn’t say I’m gorgeous,” he mumbled, adjusting his cap slightly. “I’m just average.”

“Gorgeous and humble,” Manny said, “your partner is a lucky person.”

“I’m not- I uh don’t- I’m not with anyone,” it dawned on you that Frankie was terrible at taking compliments.

“Maybe it’s my personal bias, but out of all his friends, Frankie is truly the most attractive of them,” you said. You knew this could lead to something dangerous, but the chance to see Frankie flustered was just too good to miss.

“Yo-you do?” he asked, turning an even deeper shade of red. You nodded seriously.

“Whoever you date in future is going to be very lucky,” Manny said. Then, never one to linger on a topic for too long, Manny took a sip of his water and declared that it was feelings time.

“Feelings time?” Frankie sounded uncertain.

“Well, neither of us can afford therapy, so we use each other as therapists,” Manny explained. “We started it when I was working at Lou’s, and it’s been so long since I’ve had a good feelings time. Of course, you don’t have to participate if you don’t want to, and if you do want, keep it as light or as heavy as your heart tells you. Consent is key.”

Frankie nodded, obviously still unsure of the whole situation. It struck you then how strange you and Manny would seem to an outsider. Andi returned with food for the three of you, placing down the biggest burger you had laid eyes on in front of you.

“Enjoy,” she said with a wink to Frankie. “Come find me personally if you’re not satisfied.”

You could’ve thrown up at the blatant flirting. What made it worse was Frankie seemed to be enjoying it, smiling up at Andi.

“I’ll start,” Manny said, once Andi was gone again. “I’m feeling overwhelmed recently with my new job and the house renovations James and I are undertaking. We had a big fight over fucking tiles last night, and I know we wouldn’t have if I could just be decisive.”

“Does James know how you’re feeling?” You asked. Manny shrugged.

“I don’t know. I’d normally tell him about it in a heartbeat, but he’s been stressed too, and I don’t want to add to it.”

“He’s your husband, right?” Frankie asked and Manny nodded. You glanced at him in surprise. “Husbands should support each other. You usually feel supported by him, right? So why is now any different? His stress is your stress, yours is his. That’s what you signed up for when you got married.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell him what’s going on with you,” you said, realising how ironic that was coming from you.

Manny looked thoughtful as he cut into his vegetable stack. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. Now your turn, lover.” You groaned. Feelings time was fine when you were listening to other people, and when the feelings you had weren’t so messy. But you could filter your feelings, and you trusted the two men you sat with.

“Okay,” you took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m feeling like I want to end my relationship. I feel like I’m fucking miserable, but I also feel like I’m trapped. Frankie, you remember that friend I told you about last night? It’s actually me.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah, it was pretty obvious, but I didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable by saying that.”

“Oh, my god,” you rubbed your face. “Right. So, like I said, I want to break up with Kurt, but it’s not easy to do.” You waited for one of them to interrupt you, when they didn’t, you went on. “For one, I don’t have enough money to move out. I don’t have much in savings at all because I keep needing to dig into it when he’s short on rent or money for bills or whatever. I don’t love him anymore, I don’t even know if I like him. Also, he said hedkillhimselfifieverleft.”

“Excuse me, he said what?” Manny leant forward, rage curdling his usually placid face. Frankie too, looked furious.

“He said he would kill himself if I ever left,” your voice was small. “I tried, one time, and-and he sent me a video of him tying a noose to a ceiling fan telling me it was my fault he was doing that. So, I went back, because I don’t want his death on my hands.” You realised with growing humiliation that you were crying.

Manny reached across the table and took your hand, holding it gently. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to bother anyone,” you said, “it was my problem to deal with.”

“When does he come back?” Frankie asked quietly.

“Tomorrow,” you said. Manny and Frankie exchanged a look and Manny nodded.

“If you let us,” Manny said carefully, “we’re gonna help you get out. We won’t force you into anything, but we want to help.”

“Wait,” you sat back, confused, “wait. Have you too been conspiring behind my back? How? When?”

“No, not til this morning. I gave Frankie my number when I first met him, in case he had any questions. Then he messaged me this morning, and we got to talking about how we can help you.”

“If you want our help,” Frankie said. Part of you felt like you should’ve been angry, but you couldn’t be. Instead, you were overwhelmed with gratitude, with love. You grabbed a napkin and dabbed at your eyes under your sunglasses.

“I think I want help,” you said finally. You knew you couldn’t do this without help, even though it embarrassed you to admit that. Frankie nodded, satisfied.

“Alright, we need to make a plan.”

Taglist: @hnt-escape @sharkbait77 @1800-fight-me @annathewitch @darnitdraco @frankiecatfish @punkerthanpascal @nakhudanyx @gracie7209

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Second chance

Summary: 7 months passed since Dave found out the woman he loved didn't die. Would she ever remember him?

Pairing: Dave York x OFC (can be read as reader insert)

Wordcount: 2.4k

Warnings: amnesia, f e e l i n g s, angst

A/N: I tried myself on another part of this. I hope you like it.

Part one: two lives

Masterlist

*Taglist in Reblog

Dave York wasn’t someone who believed in second chances. It came with the line of work he was doing. Had been doing. Sighing, he looked at the small house in front of him. He had been sitting in his car for almost 15 minutes, his heart too heavy to open the door, get out of the car and walk over to the door where she would be, still not remembering any moment they had shared.

It was Lissy’s third birthday.

Of course he was invited, the paternity test had confirmed that shortly after their run in at the park. And even though she couldn’t remember him, she would never deny Lissy having a father in her life. Many things had changed in the 7 months since the park.

Dave had quit his job, having made enough money to last three lifetimes. She had moved to town, so Dave would be able to build a relationship with his daughter. Lissy was the sweetest little girl, warming up to him within weeks. The first time she called him Daddy would be something he would forever remember.

They were in the park, him, Lissy and her mother, after having lunch and there were three pigeons chasing Lissy.

“Save me Daddddyyyyyy,” she had cried, jumping into his arms. He had laughed, hugged her close to save her from the pigeons, hiding the emotions behind his mask.

But she was getting better at reading him.

While Lissy was well on her way to being a Daddy's girl it was her mother that seemed to have a hard time letting Dave in. Of course, in a perfect world she would have remembered their whole life together before the accident in the moment in the park. But they weren’t living in a perfect world. And she definitely didn’t remember anything about him. It was hard, looking at the woman he still loved and seeing that she didn’t feel the same way. He had sent Carol a huge bouquet of flowers a month after the park with an apology for not having been a better husband in the past.

It was hard for Dave. Especially when he noticed patterns in her behavior that were just so much her.

She still couldn’t cook, but she tried.

“I do have a mouth more to feed, so I was thinking about taking some cooking classes,” she had said in one of their sessions. Oh yeah. They were going to therapy together every week. Dave thought it would help her remember, but in the end, after 6 months of nothing, he was questioning why he was going.

Because you love her, he thought to himself.

Today would be hard. Not only because of the birthday but because she wanted to introduce Dave to the man she had been dating for a month now. It truly was over and he somehow had to make his peace with it. At least he had Lissy to look forward to.

“Hey Dave,” she smiled as she opened the door. He smiled back, his smile not reaching his eyes. She noticed this happened more often in the last weeks.

“Hi. Am I late?”

“No. Just in time. We’re gonna cut the cake in a couple of minutes,” she stepped to the side, letting the man in. Spending time with Dave was making her feel so confused every time, yet she found herself wanting to see him more lately. Getting used to finding out so many things about her past has been overwhelming to say the least. She could see the longing in his eyes every time he looked at her in the beginning. Yet lately he seemed to shut himself off, wearing a mask to hide behind. She couldn’t blame him. If they really loved each other like he explained to her in therapy, she would die a thousand deaths spending time with him, when it was him who couldn’t remember her.

“I hope she likes her present,” Dave said, shrugging his coat off.

“She’s gonna love it. You could gift her some old socks, and she would love them,” she smiled and Dave smiled back.

“I can’t stay long, but I would love to take her this weekend,” Dave said.

“The whole weekend?” she asked. She had never spent more than a day parted from her since she was born. Dave sighed.

“We can talk about it later…”

“No, help me get out the cake and we can talk,” she said walking through the house with him following her. He could hear music from the living room and laughter and he had to smile. At least his daughter was happy with her friends.

“Talk,” she said and he sighed.

“I can’t do this anymore. I want to spend time with Lissy but I need a break…” he shook his head and she turned around.

“You need a break from me?” she asked quietly without judgment. She knew she was hurting him. And she wanted everything but to hurt the man in front of her. She could see why she fell in love with him. The old her. He was a strong and passionate man who always put his family first. There was something dangerous in his eyes that seemed to make her pulse quicken every time he let it spark through. He knew how she drank her coffee and he always warmed her hands, that seemed to be always cold, stating that they had always been like that. She spent nights awake in her big and lonely bed, trying to make herself remember him. She wanted nothing more than that. To give her and him a happily ever after but she just couldn’t. And it was starting to hurt them both.

“I don’t want to I just… If we wanna do this, co-parenting, I need to find a way to live with the feelings I still have for you. And I think for that it’s best if we take a little break.”

She only nodded, sucking her bottom lip in. Why was this hurting her so much?

“You’re dating and you deserve to be happy, but so do I,” he added stepping closer towards her.

“I know,” she whispered, crossing her arm as if she was hugging herself.

“I wish I could just flip a switch and everything would be like back then…”

“I’m not dating, I only told you that in hopes that this would make you move on,” she confessed and Dave took a deep breath, ignoring the wave of relief that flooded through his body.

“Will you let me take you out to dinner?” he asked.

“Like on a date?” she asked.

“It doesn’t have to be, but yeah. Like on a date.”

He was almost as touching her now, his chest against hers.

“But you said you wanted a break,” she whispered.

“It’s a break so I can fall out of love with you, or a date so you can start to fall back in love with me,” he said quietly and she found herself smiling softly.

“I’m not the same person you fell in love with, Dave. I may look like her on the outside, but….”

“I know. Just let me have one night. I’ll cook for you and we can talk. Without a therapist or Lissy around. Just us,” he smiled hopeful, his hand coming up to put a stray of hair behind her ear.

“Okay.”

She had never been to Dave’s apartment before. She knew that he was still living in the same place she used to live with him. She didn’t want to imagine the amount of heartbreak he went through ever since she disappeared. She still didn’t know the whole story about them. She only knew that they both met because they both had worked at the CIA. And she wanted to get answers today. There were some pieces of the puzzle that were her past, that didn’t make any sense to her. Maybe this was the reason she just couldn’t remember a thing.

She smelled something delicious as she made her way up the stairs, knocking on the apartment door. She was nervous. In all the time knowing each other since the park they never spend time alone.

The door flew open and she smiled seeing him barefoot, wearing jeans and a shirt.

“Hey,” he smiled, stepping to the side so she could walk in. She couldn’t stop letting her eyes wander through the big room that seemed to be hallway, dining room, living room and kitchen all at once. It seemed familiar. Dave only watched her as she slowly walked in, her fingers brushing over a bookshelf that held her books.

She jumped when she felt something rub over her feet, followed by a meow. A cat was sniffing at her feet, rubbing her soft body at her calves.

“That’s kitty. She’s… She’s your cat,” Dave explained. She looked at him with big eyes.

“I had a cat?” she leaned down to pick her up, a calmness washing over her, as the cat purred against her chest.

“You found her outside as a kitten and took her in. She’s a little over 6 years old now.”

“She’s a sweetheart,” she smiled, not letting go of the cat as she followed Dave.

“Yeah she grew on me after…” he shook his head, smiling softly before he turned from her.

“I hope you still like my paella. You used to love it,” he said.

“I love paella,” she said with a smile, leaning with her hand propped up on her hands on the kitchen island.

“It smells delicious. I can’t wait to taste it.”

“Wine?” he asked and she nodded. She watched him as he opened the bottle of wine and couldn’t help but let her eyes wander up his strong arms. When she looked into his eyes he just winked at her and she felt herself blush.

“Hungry?” he asked, handing her the glass of wine.

“Starving!” she answered.

“So we met at the CIA but I hated you at first?”

“I am a pretty big asshole to most people.”

“Must be your face. When you have this brooding look you look like you’re plotting murder,” she joked a while later, sitting on the sofa across from him. Kitty hadn’t left her side the whole evening. She was now sleeping peacefully in her leap.

Dave sighed.

“You wanted the truth. How we met. How we fell in love. How… How I thought you died and left…” he choked on his words, looking away from her. This would be hard.

“Dave… Did we kill people?” she asked out of the blue. Dave turned his head to look at her for a long time.

“Yes. Yes we did. And we were the best at it,” he added. She sucked her bottom lip in, nodding slowly. And so he told her. Every little thing. About the death of McCall and about how they took jobs outside the CIA making a name for themselves. He answered every single question she had.

“I should be scared of you and of the person I was but looking at you…” she breathed in deep, shaking her head.

“I feel safe with you. Like I’m finally where I’m supposed to be. I can’t describe it. I can see why I fell in love with you,” she smiled a little.

“This is a lot to take in. I had my suspicions about my past. There are pieces of things I remember but it’s not enough to understand them. And at this point I’m not sure if I want to remember. Though I have so many things to be thankful for from my old life…”

“Such as?” Dave asked.

“Meeting you? I wouldn’t have Lissy if it weren’t for you,” she whispered and Dave felt himself smile at her.

“I didn’t know you were pregnant. I wouldn’t have taken the job for us if I had known… I’m so sorry,” he closed his eyes, letting his head fall down. Her heart broke. Yes, she was the one who experienced the memory loss but he had all the memories. Carefully she pulled Kitty off her lap and closed the distance between herself and Dave. Taking his hands in hers, she felt him shake.

“It’s not your fault. Do you think I would have listened to you? It’s not your fault Dave. You hear me?” she squeezed his hand and felt him shudder. He let his head fall against her shoulder and she gasped, letting go of his hands to hug him against her. He was shaking in her arms as he silently cried against her shoulder.

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t know I was pregnant back then. I wish I could remember. We would have been so happy,” she smiled, letting her head fall against his.

“You are such a good Dad. I wish you would have been there when Lissy was a baby. But you’re here now. And we’re not going anywhere,” she promised, her heart full. He had stopped shaking at some point, yet couldn’t bring himself to look at her. He never wanted to let go. He felt her kiss his temple and he shuddered again. One of her hands pushed under his chin tilting his head up so he had to look at her.

“I may not remember being in love with you, but I think I am falling in love with you,” she whispered looking into his eyes. Dave stopped breathing, trying to register the words that had just left her lips. He just looked at her, taking her in before he leaned in, closing the distance between them, to finally kiss her. She gasped against his lips, her arms wrapping around his neck as she melted against him. This. This is what felt right. She never wanted to let go.

Resting with his forehead against hers he smiled.

“Promise me to never leave me again without saying goodbye,” he whispered and she smiled back.

“Never,” she vowed kissing him again.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

just because you’re afraid it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Titans 3.05

once more into the cold dark void of the internet with my stream-of-consciousness take on a superhero tv show...

spoilers ahead.

1. i cannot believe that among the first things i get to hear in this episode with my own two ears is the line 'eluded our overdudes'. why must you give me such pain along with so much joy, show?

1.5. scarecrow stringing jason along on this path to red-hood-dom is not something i would’ve ever expected, but does kind of make sense. 

1.55. i don’t know all the details of the original resurrection arc in the comics but i like that jason, weirdly, has a greater role to play in his own demise and rebirth? i think it makes it easier to draw a line between his past trauma, the demonstrably shitty and terrifying responsibility of being robin, the ways bruce and the titans wronged him, his responses to that, the reasons he turns to scarecrow, and his final evolution to red hood. it makes for a smoother character arc rather than a one that was interrupted for two decades before somebody went oh hey let’s resurrect that kid that the audience once voted to kill and make him an anti-hero!

1.75. what’s crane giving him? anti fear toxin? anyway, crane is a fucking creep and i’m not sure i want to see a whole lot of him on my screen.

2. oh, um, heads up: there’s a long sequence of unsteady cam + flickering lights right after the title card upto the 3:16 mark. it’s a bit headache-inducing so if you want to skip, you can go ahead and do that. 

2.45. that’s... weird... why would he dream about... donna...

ok, who am i kidding. i’m going to jump right into my theory about Why Titans Makes Sense Actually because the show itself is apparently not interested in explaining itself:

a) it makes no sense for jason to be conjuring up donna--who famously did not care much for him!--in his dreams. (he wasn’t even there when she died.) or for her to be telling him don’t go or there’s still time.

b) this leads me to think that that’s actually donna, in some sort of limbo between life and death, the kind of place where jericho used to be

c) rachel has demonstrated that she has the power to link the minds of the titans across great distances--she called jason and hank/dawn for help in 2.01, she linked up everybody later in the season, projected dick’s hallucination of his father into their brains without even realising she was doing it, and in the finale, she managed to get dick into conner’s brain. she’s in themyscira now. is this how she gets donna back to life? but reaching out to her in that non-space between life and death?

d) the next obvious question is: why isn’t donna appearing in the dreams of the other titans? she probably is, but they have better reason to be dreaming about her since they were actually close to her, unlike jason.

e) but why would she warn jason in particular? does she foresee jason entering the afterlife--however briefly? does she have an idea of what jason plans to do and what he will become?

f) anyway, more trippy mindscapes and weird psychic powers, yay!

2.5. my heart clenched when bruce comforted jason post-nightmare: clearly i’ve been reading way too much batfam fic. this is a side of bruce we haven’t really been told to expect by all the characters on the show calling him a ‘psychopath’ (*cough*unreliablenarrators*cough*) and him getting jason to speak to a professional speaks volumes about the kind of self-reflection he’s done post dick’s departure, and maybe some of the regrets he has with regards to how he dealt with dick’s traumas.

i mean, just look at him when jason dismisses his concerns! BRUCE IS TRYING JASON

anyway, i have a whole lot more i want to say about this, but i’ll save it for later. 

also: LESLIE THOMPKINS!!!!

3. i really like molly--and i love that she’s a friend from before jason got taken in by bruce, the implication that they meet up regularly and that she’s a grounding influence on him (tho clearly not grounding enough to not go along with his dumbass idea about confronting a child trafficker alone). 

3.5. aw, jason. robin was his armour against everything in the world that would throw him down and chew him to bits, but san francisco proved that even robin wasn’t enough to protect him. it’s really interesting how ‘disillusionment with the idea of robin’ is so integral to the traumas of both dick and jason but in such different ways. 

4. LESLIE!!!!!!! i even forgive her office being so goddamn blue because leslie! 

4.5. it makes so much sense for titans!verse leslie to be a therapist, because this show is so inward looking anyway, and therapist sessions are a useful tool to showcase this character work in a story. besides, at least in fanfic, leslie often seems to double up as a counsellor anyway. 

4.6. oh man. i’m not terribly convinced by walters’ red hood (tho i think that may be the point--argh. i’ll come back to this thought later. have to stop getting distracted!) but he plays the asshole kid that’s trying not to let any real emotion seep through really well.

“you’d like me to punch you, wouldn’t you”

5. not sure what to think of batman’s little trophy case other than the show winking unsubtly at us and going look look - catwoman! the riddler! two face! you excited yet?! it’s like the scene from the end of amazing spiderman 2 when they were trying to drum up excitement for a sinister six spinoff by having harry osborne walk by a bunch of display cases with stuff from iconic villains in them.

... but then again, bruce does like to display a lot of shit in his batcave, including his dead robin’s bloodstained costume, so.

5.5. bruce is so soft with jason it’s killing me. beyond just trying to learn from his mistakes with dick, it speaks to his own genuine desire to balance his dedication to gotham with doing the best by his sons, although he’s often not successful with that. 

i love that titans is really playing the long game with bruce wayne, with each season and character-perspective sliding in fresh pieces of a bigger puzzle. titans’ bruce has always been a phantom of other peoples’ making, but now we’re getting the idea that he’s a whole lot more complicated than other people make it seem.

5.75. it really recontextualises some of his actions from previous seasons: the fact that he locked dick out of his security systems in 1.06 is likely his way of respecting dick’s independence and his desire not to be associated with batman/gotham anymore. jason knowing about bruce’s tracker while dick doesn’t is probably bruce trying to be more honest and upfront with his charges. bruce sending jason packing off to sanfran to spend time with the titans is probably not him passing on a big responsibility to dick (as i first uncharitably thought) but him trying to get jason out of the toxic influence of gotham for a while and a sign of his trust in dick as a leader and a mentor,

5.8. i mean, bruce is a prick, but he’s also human.

6. i think leslie is doing some good work with jason here, though she may have overstepped the line with her line about robin as a construct being projected by a man with BPD. her speculations about bruce’s diagnosis have no place in her session with jason, and if bruce confides in her, an egregious violation of patient-therapist confidentiality. 

(about the diagnosis itself... i don’t know. i can’t really confirm or refute this without a whole lot more information, and i’m not sure if the writer of this episode means BPD in the same way an actual professional might.)

6.5. i think a huge thing that gets missed out in a lot of recent comics as well as movies/shows is that bruce didn’t create the robin persona out of whole cloth. dick did. he’s the starting point of that legacy and to call it entirely bruce’s creation is blatant erasure of that. in fact, i’m surprised that dick doesn’t feature more in the conversations they’re having about the pressures of being robin. after all, the guy had been robin--bruce’s partner--for such a long time before jason. 

6.8. (and here’s the primal part of me that resonates the deepest with dick grayson--the Eldest Daughter part--that’s sort of resentful: that jason gets the therapy and softness and the learning from mistakes when it took years and years for bruce to reach out in any meaningful way to dick.)

7. oooh that was a great scene!

it’s fun to do these stream-of-consciousness live reactions, because the moment you step down from your soapbox, the episode goes right into tackling what you were just complaining about. bruce means well, he’s learning, but he goes about exactly the wrong way to help jason: taking away robin now can’t be read by jason as anything but a devastating judgment call from bruce. and iain glen really sells the moment that bruce realises this--too late--and his helplessness in trying to get jason to see that it isn’t jason’s fault that he’s trying to do this. he loves jason enough that jason is enough. 

7.5. aaaah so jason brings up the elephant in the room at last. dick got everything makes sense from his perspective, where getting to put on a costume and fight crime means approval, means being something stronger and better than you are. dick got to be robin, then nightwing, and a leader of a whole team of other costume-clad heroes. 

8. ... how did jason just walk into arkham????? this is ridiculous.

8.3. i mean, clearly jason’s not thinking straight, but betraying batman like this puts his possibilities of being robin again even further away. 

8.5. watching that chemistry experiment montage was strangely funny. this guy is looking for an antidote to fear? well, constantly mixing up and inhaling gases concocted by a mad-scientist supervillain is something only the very fearless--reckless to the point of foolishness!--would do. what’s to say crane’s not given you a formula for a drug that will keep you tethered to his every will and whim? hmmmm?

8.7. so he sought out the joker to... test the formula??? 

9. wow the “loud and clear... boss” hits different after a whole episode of them referring to each other as father and son.

9.3. waitwaitwait HOLD UP. wait a DANG MINUTE. you’re telling me that scarecrow had enough resources that he could not only have folks on the outside steal jason away and dunk him in a lazarus pit (i TOLD you that this show would bring up and dismiss ra’s al ghul in a ten second aside! I TOLD YOU) but also have his own little chemistry lab in the basement, AND have enough resources for jason to build his red hood persona???????? all of this in barely twenty four hours?

well there goes my ‘jason orchestrated his death’ theory. it was nice while it lasted. *cups hands to the sky* fly away, my baby.

9.6. a part of me is gleeful at the rushed nature of such an iconic transformation though, especially when compared to all the character work that went before it. we’re so used to getting the opposite that it’s fucking delightful to have a show that’s more interested in exploring its characters’ minds rather than battle scenes or recreating transformations from the comics. that’s taken such bold and exciting steps to fully convey all the nuances of its most recognisable character, bruce wayne, from casting an older actor to play him to unflinchingly showing just how damaging the vigilante lifestyle has been to him and the people he loves. BRILLIANT

*sporfle*

10. again, heads up: a whole lot of flashing lights between 40:28 and 42:00. 

10.3. i guess it’s the super-compressed timeline that’s really throwing me off. where did he have the time to get/develop the mind control thing from? or is it something that he got from the cabal of villains that he intimidated at the beginning of 3.02? very messy.

10.5. i love molly, i hope she shows up again this season.

11. aaaand that’s it! that was a solid episode as flashback episodes go, but now i can’t wait to return to the present.

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

The Sanguine Web - Part 2

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: Alright, here’s part 2, I hope you guys like it. Part 3, the finale, is coming soon! Let me know what you guys think or if you wanna be tagged in the next chapter. Love you all xx

Warnings: Mentions of blood, death, angst

Summary: The clocks ticking and you’re trying to get over Peter

Prompts

Masterlist

Part 1

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

The last person I expected to see when I showed up for therapy was Peter. Well maybe not the last person, but he was certainly up there. And I couldn’t help the uncomfortable feeling bubbling in my stomach when my eyes met his.

“Hello (y/n),” Dr. Morrison smiled at me.

“Hi,” I blushed as I looked between them, “What’s going on?”

“I just had a few questions,” Peter blushed, "I wanna make sure I'm doing everything I can."

I appreciate the gesture, I know he just wants to help, but I don't like that he came out to see my therapist. It just feels wrong, and I'm worried about what she may have said to him too…

"Right, that's, um, great, but I'd really like to get started if you guys don't mind," I turned my attention to Dr. Morrison, "I've got a lot to talk about."

She nodded, "Of course. Peter if you decide you want to make an appointment you can call in. It was lovely to meet you."

"You too," he smiled back at her and squeezed my upper arm, "Call me when you're done?"

I just nodded, "Yeah, I'll call."

I followed Dr. Morrison back to her office and waited nervously for her to settle in to address me.

“Sorry about that, he stopped by just a bit before you came,” she sighed and took a seat across from me, “How have you been?”

“Good…” I blushed, “What did you two talk about?”

“He just wanted to know some of the things he could do to help you through this, he’s very sweet,” she smiled, “(y/n) we have a confidentiality agreement, I promise I would never tell him anything about you or your condition. I just told him some of the things he can do to help.”

“Like what?”

“Well I told him the most important thing he could do was just listen to you, that he should give you space when you ask for it, and support whatever decisions you make about this.”

“Did he seem receptive?”

“Very, he seems like he really just wants to help you anyway he can.”

“Did he ask about the surgery or anything?”

“No, but he did ask if I thought you’d be able to get over this.” “A-And what did you tell him?”

“I told him if the people around you are as supportive as him then I think your odds are great.”

“Oh,” I sighed and let myself relax about the situation, “I’m glad you think so.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Hey,” Peter smiled as he took the seat across from me, “So, you wanna tell me how it went now?”

“Everything was fine,” I smiled back, “I just wanted to talk to you face to face.”

He nodded, his expression quickly turning worried, “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, you mean besides the plants growing in my lungs?”

He rolled his eyes, “That’s not funny.”

“I’m trying to lighten the mood,” I sighed, “Peter I know you had good intentions, but it made me really uncomfortable that you were asking Dr. Morrison about me.”

His cheeks flushed instantly, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean t-”

I cut him off before he could start word vomiting, “It’s okay, I know you're just trying to help, but I really need you to take a step back here. I can’t get better if you're hovering over my shoulder all the time.”

“I just wanna help.”

“I know, and I know you’re used to being a hero and helping everyone all the time, but it isn’t your responsibility to save everyone.”

“I know that, but it is my responsibility to save you.”

“You can’t.” I hated watching the way his jaw clenched when I said it, but he had to hear it. “Nothing Spiderman can do is going to help me. I have to do this myself, and the best thing you can do for me is be my best friend and be here for me in the ways I ask you too.”

He hesitated, taking a few moments to think over his answer, he sighed before he finally answered, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone to talk to her. I just wanted to know how to help, but she told me the same thing. I just wanna be able to do more for you.”

“Well you’re gonna be there with me when I tell everyone right? That’ll be a big help,” I smiled, trying to cheer him up, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be harsh Peter. You know I’d trust Spiderman to save me from most things, but I just need Peter okay?”

“You aren’t being harsh,” he sighed, “It’s just…” he hesitated again, “I don’t wanna lose you and not be able to do anything about it, again.”

“You won’t,” I promise before placing my hand over his, “I’m gonna be fine, and you’ll help me get better just by being here for me. I promise if I need anything from you, I will tell you.”

“Okay,” he looked down at our hands, “So you still want to tell everyone soon?”

I nodded, “Yeah, like within the next couple days. I think it’ll be better if they all know soon,” it was my turn to blush then, “I hope everything’s okay with you and MJ, thank you for not telling her though. I’m sorry I made you guys fight.”

“You didn’t make us fight,” he squeezed my hand and returned both of his to his lap, “We’ve just been butting heads over everything lately.”

“I’m sorry P, you can tell me about it if you want.”

“It’s alright, I don’t want to stress you out.”

“You won’t,” I assured, “Peter I’m your friend too, if you need to vent I’m here.”

He leaned back in his chair and yet another sigh left his lips, “I don’t know, we just can’t seem to agree on anything lately. Every tiny thing makes us fight, I mean just the other night we started yelling at each other because we couldn’t even decide where to get dinner.”

“I’m sorry Peter, did you guys have some big fight that started it or something?”

“No, not really, er, kind of? I don’t know, you remember when we went out to that bar with Betty and Ned? And we were out like really late?”

“The one with the mechanical bull?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, that one. Anyways, she just got really upset we were out so late, I guess we’ve just been fighting ever since.”

“Well obviously I’m not really one to give relationship advice, but there’s always ups and downs, I’m sure you guys will get better.” It’s hard to comfort him because part of me doesn’t want them to get better, and another part of me hates me for letting that thought cross my mind. “Is she still just mad about that night?”

“I don’t know, but I’m not apologizing for spending time with my friends,” he hummed, “I love her and everything, but she just hasn’t been very fun to be around lately.”

“Have you asked her what’s going on?”

He glances up at me and purses his lips, “Let’s talk about something more fun.”

“Okay,” I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the slight tickle before it becomes something more, “You wanna see the xray of my lungs?”

He frowned and shook his head, “No, surprisingly I don’t think your terminal illness is a very fun subject.”

“I think I forgot how to have fun,” I reached for my drink, taking a big gulp to drown out the incoming cough, “Honestly I don’t think I’ve thought about anything else since I was diagnosed.”

“Are you okay?” he knit his brows in concern.

I nod quickly, “I’m fine, just a little tickle.”

He opens his mouth to say more but stops himself, “Okay, well, since I can’t punch the problem away for you, how about I show you how to have fun again?”

“Hmm,” I tapped my lip, pretending to think it over before nodding, “Okay, but no strenuous aerobic exercise.”

“Alright so no mechanical bulls this time,” he winked and stood, offering me a hand up, “Come on, I’ve got a couple other things in mind.”

I just rolled my eyes and let him help me up.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Are you okay?” Betty raised a brow at me, returning to the kitchen with pizza in hand.

I nodded, “Yeah, just a little nervous.”

“Nervous? It’s just dinner with our friends.”

“I know, I’m still just a little nervous.”

“Okay…” she pursed her lips as she placed the pizza on the table in front of me, “You’re not pregnant or something are you?”

“What?” I flushed, “No, I’m not pregnant.”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, you haven’t been feeling well and you’re all nervous about dinner. I feel like you’re gonna tell us all that you’re pregnant.”

“I’m not,” I assured.

A knock at the door interrupted our conversation, “I’ll get it,” she offered, “Try to chill baby mama!”

“I’m not pregnant!” I snapped.

The door opened to reveal Peter, Ned, and MJ, with cupcakes and soda. It’s like we’re having a party, too bad I have to tell everyone I’m dying.

“Hey guys,” I greeted them with a smile, “You’re just in time, the pizza just got here.”

“Great,” MJ smiled to me, setting the cupcakes right beside the pizza, “I’m starved. Did you guys pick out a movie?”

Betty nodded, “Yeah, (y/n) said she had something picked out.”

“Yeah, I was thinking we could watch the movie after dinner though, it might be nice to sit at the table for once,” I laughed awkwardly, I think everyone could tell something was up.

“Sounds nice,” Peter squeezed my shoulder, “How are you?”

“Fine,” I assured, “Just hungry.”

“Let’s get you some food then,” he practically shoved me into one of the chairs at the table and took a seat besides me, “Well come sit down you guys.”

MJ raised a brow at him, “You good.”

“Yeah, I’m great,” he nodded, “I’m just really, really hungry.”

“Okay, you said you weren’t hungry in the car though,” she rolled her eyes as she sat at his other side.

“Well I got hungry.”

“Guys come on,” Ned groaned, “You fought the whole car ride here, can’t you guys just wait until you’re alone?”

Peter blushed, “Yeah, sorry. This is about (y/n), we shouldn’t be fighting.”

Betty knit her brow in confusion, “What do you mean about (y/n)?”

His blush spread up to his ears, “Nothing! Nothing at all! I just mean cause she suggested we have a movie night! Not like I know something you guys don’t or anything…”

“Oh my God Peter,” I sighed, hiding behind one of my hands. “Sorry,” he sank into his chair.

“It’s fine,” I sighed, “I have something to tell you guys.”

“You are pregnant!” Betty accused with a smile, “I knew it!”

I rolled my eyes, “No, I am not pregnant. It’s not something nice or happy or anything good, that’s why I was planning on waiting until after we ate.” Everyone was silent and all eyes were on me. “I’m sick, um, really sick,” I can seem to get the words out so I look to Peter for help.

“She has Hanahaki’s,” he sighed, “I only know because I caught her coughing up a flower.”

They stayed silent, I think they were all just taking it in for a minute. Finally Betty spoke.

“So when you went to the doctor a few weeks ago…”

I nodded, “Yeah, and Peter’s known for almost a week now.”

“They haven’t gotten you in for surgery yet?” MJ knit her brows in confusion.

“I’m not getting the surgery.”

Betty frowned, “Why not?” “There’s a chance that I wouldn’t be able to fall in love again if I did, I don’t wanna risk it.”

“She’s been going to a therapist,” Peter added.

“Who is it?” Betty demanded.

“I’m not telling anyone who it is, I don’t want anyone blaming him for anything.”

“Well have you tried to talk to him?” MJ frowned, “Maybe this is just a big misunderstanding.”

I blushed, “He’s seeing someone. He doesn’t feel the same way. I’m gonna be okay though, I’m gonna move on.”

“Okay it’s great for you to try that, but you need to at least be considering the surgery,” Betty shook her head, “You sound insane right now.”

“Betty,” Peter shot her a glare, “She’s doing her best, and she already heard it all from me.”

“Well she’s still trying to pass up a life saving surgery so I think that talk went awesome,” she rolled her eyes.

“I’m not going to die,” I tried to defend myself, “I’ve been going to therapy and I’m making good progress, I’ll be able to get over him and be just fine.”

“Is it moving quickly?” MJ frowned.

“So far I’ve been on the slower end, I have my three week check in in a few days and they’ll see if it’s gotten any worse.”

“Well what can we do for you?” Betty sighed, “If you really don’t want surgery…”

“You don’t need you to do anything. I just thought you guys should know.”

“I guess if it’s slow there’s still time for you to try moving on,” Betty reasoned, “Maybe when it gets worse we can talk about the surgery again.”

“It’s her decision.” I was surprised when MJ jumped to my defense. “If she doesn’t want the surgery she shouldn’t get it.”

Peter frowned, “Don’t encourage her.”

“I’m not encouraging her, but it’s her choice. We shouldn’t try to push her into a surgery she doesn’t want.”

“Okay in every other case you’re right, but not when the alternative is dying.”

“Well she said she can get better, and she’s the sick one, so I think she knows what she can and can’t do better than you can.”

“I didn’t say she couldn’t, we’re just saying if she can’t then she should consider the surgery.”

MJ turned to me, “(y/n) didn’t you just say that you didn’t want the surgery?”

“Why are you making this a fight? And why are you bringing (y/n) into this? She doesn’t need to stress out about some pointless argument.”

“Stop babying her for fucks sake Peter she’s a grown adult, not your daughter,” she rolled her eyes.

“Okay so you find out our friend is dying and you still don’t want me to spend time with her?”

Part of me liked watching them fight, and I hate myself for ever letting those thoughts enter my mind. I want them to be happy, both of them, and I don’t want them to fight, not really. Even if some evil part of me likes it.

“Guys I-” I cut myself off with a cough, I try to drink something and force it back down, but I’ve got no such luck. I know what’s coming, I can feel them tickling my throat, so I got up from my chair and stumbled over to the kitchen sink. I leaned over it and coughed not one but three flowers up, along with a heavy amount of blood. It’s the most I’ve ever coughed up at once.

“Are you okay?” Peter rubbed my back, his eyes swimming with concern.

I nodded, “I’m fine, I just need some water.”

Everyone’s eyes were on the sink, they were all just staring until Betty cleared her throat, “Just go lay down, I’ll clean this up.”

“Guys I’m okay,” I insisted.

“No, she’s right, you should sit,” MJ grabbed my shoulders, directing me towards the couch, “Peter get her some water.”

He nodded, “R-Right, on it.”

The rest of the night went about as expected, the fight was dropped and everyone babied me until they went home, then Betty babied me until I went to bed.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Dr. Shaw was silent as she examined my charts, she didn’t look happy, so I could only assume it was bad news. “It’s getting worse isn’t it?”

She nodded, “It’s made a significant jump from last week, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t getting better, it’s just the nature of the disease. How’s therapy going?”

I sighed, “I don’t know, it’s hard to say. I feel like it’s going well until I’m around him again, then it just kind of hits me.”

She pursed her lips, “Well I don’t know so much about the psychology of it, but I’ve seen a lot of patients get better after a confession, whether that be through reciprocation or just being able to move on.”

“How much longer do you think I have?”

“It’s hard to say, you were progressing slowly but then you had this jump. If it continues at this new pace I’d estimate we’ll have to hospitalize you within the week, if it slows down again we’ve maybe got another two or three weeks.”

“Alright,” I sighed, “I’ll, uh, try to get better I guess.”

She gave a forced smile, “(y/n) we can still get you in for surgery if you change your mind.”

I shook my head, “No, no I can do this.”

“Alright,” she scribbled some things onto notepad, “I’m upping your prescription, we’ll see if we can slow it down again.”

“Thank you doctor.”

I debated what to do on my way out, finally deciding that I’ll need to see Dr. Morrison more frequently and see Peter less frequently. Then I decide I want to go talk to MJ, I think if I can feel less guilty it will help, and I’ll feel less guilty if I can help them get along again. So I swing by her house before I go to get my prescription. It’s a little awkward, we’ve never hung out alone, it’s always with Betty or Peter or someone else, I guess we aren’t that close really.

“Hey,” she greeted as she opened the door, “Come on in.”

I followed her inside, my hands clasped nervously in front of me, “I’m sorry to bug you, I just wanted to apologize about movie night.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” she assured, “Peter and I have been fighting anyway.”

“Yeah, he told me,” I blushed, “But I am sorry, and I wanted to thank you too, you’re the only person who’s been on my side about the whole surgery thing.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I mean it’s your choice in the end, but if I were you I wouldn’t make the same one. I’ve been in love, I’ve dated people I’m in love with, and if I were in your shoes, I mean like, if I had to pick between Peter and a life saving surgery, I would pick the surgery everytime,” she smiled and I worried that she may know, “But you know, even if I don’t agree with your choice, you deserve to have someone on your side.”

“Thank you,” I glanced down at my hands, “Sometimes I think I’m making the wrong choice too, but I don’t want to never feel like this again… Anyways, I really wanted to make sure you and Peter are okay. And if I’m putting any kind of stress on you guys I wanted to say I’m really sorry.”

She sighed, “I don’t really know what we are right now, we just can’t seem to see eye to eye on anything lately.”

“I’m sorry MJ, you know I could talk to him if you needed m-”

“No, no,” she laughed, “The last thing I need is for you to talk to him about it. He’s still mad that he thinks I stressed you out the other night.”

“I’m sorry, you didn’t though, I just stressed myself out.”

“He’s just worried, he doesn't want to lose anyone else,” she shrugged, “I think he’s taking it worse than you actually, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do with him if you don’t end up getting better.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, I’m gonna be okay.”

“It’s good that you’re being optimistic, but if you’re really refusing the surgery then there is a chance you don’t get better,” she sighed, “Sorry, you shouldn’t be thinking about that, but it’s just a possibility. And it’s harder for us to be sure you’ll be okay, we aren’t you, we don’t know how you're feeling on the day to day.”

I nodded, ‘Yeah, I, uh, I just gotta stay positive. It’s not easy though, you know I think I’m okay and then I see him again and suddenly I’m not, o-or I see his girlfriend and I just feel so guilty…”

“(y/n), can I ask you something?”

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and nodded, “Yeah.”

“Is it Peter?”

It’s like the whole world slowed down as I tried not to go tense or blush or do anything that would give it away. “No, of course not, I wouldn’t do that to you, we’re friends.”

“I’d understand if it was, I know you can’t help forming feelings, and I wouldn’t get mad either. I know you wouldn’t try to make a move or anything.”

“It’s not him,” I coughed into my hand and glanced down at my phone, “I’m sorry, I need to get to the pharmacy before they close. Thank you for talking with me.”

“Of course,” she was still frowning when she stood up, “I’ll walk you out.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I’d secluded myself after my doctor’s appointment and awkward encounter with MJ, telling everyone I just needed a few days alone. I only left the house once, to go to therapy, where I think I did make some progress, but then realize I didn’t as soon as Peter showed up at my place again. I wanted to send him away, I really did, but I just couldn’t.

“You still haven’t told me how the doctors went, or therapy,” he smiled as he returned to my room, a tub of popcorn in hand.

“Therapy was fine,” I sighed, “The doctors weren't so great, she said it got a lot worse since my last appointment. She upped my medication though.”

His face dropped instantly, “How much worse?”

“She said I’d be hospitalized in a week if it continued at that rate, but like I said, she upped my meds. Hopefully that will help slow it down again, then I’ll still have two or three weeks.”

“Only two or three?”

“That’s still good Peter, most people don’t even last a month.”

“Do you think you can get better by then?”

“Yeah, I think so,” another sigh fell out of my lips, “It’s a little weird, I know we’re never going to be together but that isn’t enough, I have to just not be interested. I know I’ve moved on from people before too, but it’s like I suddenly can’t remember how to do that.”

He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into him with a frown, “You’ll do it, I know you will,” he let his head fall against mine, “It’ll just click, and you’ll get better.”

“I know,” I took a couple of pieces of the popcorn and decided it was probably best to move on, “So, did you and MJ make up.”

He shook his head, “No, but you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Peter we just talked about how we both know I’m going to get better, so you can’t baby me.”

“I don’t know, she was mad that I was being so clingy to you, and I thought she’d drop it once she knew what was going on, but she didn’t. And I’m mad she’s mad about that, and I’m mad she thinks it’s okay that you’re refusing surgery, and you know, we were already fighting before, but this is just making it worse.”

“I’m sorry,” I felt that wave of guilt again, “I’m really sorry, I don’t want you guys to stress out over me or anything, it’s really not worth it.”

“Don’t apologize, you can’t help being sick, and you aren’t making anything worse. It was all already there. I’m just really upset, she isn’t taking this whole thing as serious as she should be,” he kissed the top of my head.

“She is, you’re just handling it in different ways.”

“I’m supposed to go over there later so we can talk,” he turned his attention to the tv with a sigh, “I don’t even know what to say, I think we’re just drifting apart.” “Don’t say that Peter,” I scolded, worrying that I may be causing a bigger issue than I thought, “It’s just a rough patch, and my whole situation is making it worse. I’m sorry, I should have kept it to myself.”

“You aren’t making anything worse (y/n), the whole surgery thing is just another problem to add to the pile, it’s got nothing to do with you, none of our problems do. Please don’t think that or stress yourself out over us, the only thing you need to worry about is getting better,” he cupped my face, “And you absolutely should not have kept this to yourself, you’re my best friend and I need to be there for you through this, it’s my problem just as much as it is yours.”

“She doesn’t think I shouldn’t get the surgery,” I tried to deflect because if I really thought about what he said I’d start to cry, “She told me she thinks I should get it, but she just wanted me to have someone on my side.”

“I know what she thinks, that’s what the whole issue is. I’m on your side, all of us are on your side, but you’re wrong here, and she shouldn’t even be saying there are sides in the first place. She shouldn’t tell you it’s okay for you to choose dying over the risks of the surgery either. Whether she means it that way or not, I just feel like she’s saying she’s okay with you dying, and I really needed her to side with me on this but she won’t even think about it. Maybe I’m being selfish, but if pressuring you is how we get you to have that surgery then I’m fine with that,” he looked away for a minute, I think he was about to cry too, “I love you, and I just want you to get better more than anything. I don’t want you to be focusing on anything else either, all of your energy needs to be focused on getting better. So please don’t worry about us, whatever happens will be fine just as long as you are.”

I did start crying, and I felt ten times worse because it made him start to tear up too, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” he pulled me into his chest, rocking me lightly, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

The movie was discarded in favor of sitting quietly while Peter tried to make me feel better. It worked eventually, but I just ended up passing out. I would have thought Peter would have just left after that, but when I woke up he was still right beside me, dead asleep with his head on my shoulder. I freaked out because I remembered he was supposed to go to MJ’s, so I shook him awake as quickly as I could.

“What’s wrong?” he frowned at me, “Are you okay?” “I’m fine,” I assured, “But we fell asleep, and you were supposed to go to MJ’s, you gotta call her.”

“Right…” he sat up slowly, picking his phone up off my nightstand with a frown, “Yeah, it looks like she’s been calling, I should probably head over there…”

I nodded, “Yes, you most definitely need too, and you need to go now, I’ll text her and explain too.”

“You don’t need to do that,” he ruffled my hair and smiled affectionately, “You just lay right here all day and you focus on getting better alright?”

I furrowed my brow but nodded, “Okay… But it would only take me a second.”

“It’s fine (y/n), just focus on you,” he kissed my forehead before climbing out of my bed, “I’ll swing by later to check on you again, try to start hating him while I’m gone okay?”

I blushed and nodded, “I’ll give it my best shot.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Peter never came back, never even texted me. I wouldn’t think anything of it if he didn’t lead a double life as Spiderman, but he did, so I was worried. I texted him once, a simple ‘you good?’ but got no reply. It was really nerve wracking, but around midnight he finally replied.

‘Got busy on patrol, be there soon.’

It relaxed me a lot, but I couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong. I was curious too, I didn’t want to be nosey, but I wanted to know how things went. I wanted to make sure they were okay. At least until Peter slammed into my window, scaring me so bad that I fell out of bed and decided he could fall off the building for all I cared.

“Screw you Parker,” I snapped as I opened the window, “I’m sick, scaring me like that is totally unethical.” He laughed, “You keep telling me not to baby you,” he reminded, “Can I come in?”

I rolled my eyes and got out of the way so he could crawl inside, “God, can’t you just use the front door?” “You’re jealous,” he teased, drawing my blinds so he could take off his mask, “So, do you hate him yet?”

“Not even a little,” I sighed, “Was she mad?”

He nodded, “Yeah, we had a big fight.”

“I’m sorry,” I frowned, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

He stayed quiet for a long time, staring at the wall in front of him before finally speaking, “We’re taking a break.”

“L-Like a break up break?”

He nodded, “Yeah, I mean maybe we’ll fix things eventually, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon.”

Butterflies filled my stomach, happy, nervous ones. They made me sick.

“Oh,” I didn’t really know what to say, “I’m sorry Peter, are you okay?”

He nodded, “Yeah, I think we’ve both known it was coming. I should have called you, I just wanted to blow off some steam first.”

“That’s okay.” I knew I shouldn’t have let Peter spend the night, I should have made sure he went to see her on time. “I’m really sorry Peter, I could try to talk to her if you wanted.”

“It’s okay,” he wore a small smile, “I think this is better for both of us. I mean we’ve been dating since high school, and we’ve changed a lot since then. I think maybe we’ll work better as just friends… In the future I mean, I don’t really want to see her right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

I know it’s my fault, at least in part. I know he won’t say it because he’s trying to protect me, but I know it. I know that I stressed them both out, especially Peter, and that couldn’t have done anything but make things worse.

“Quit apologizing, you didn’t do anything,” he fell onto my bed with a sigh, “You know what would make this all feel better?”

“What?”

“If you got all better so we could go do something fun.”

“We can do fun stuff now.” He shook his head, “No, I want to go to the amusement park again, like we did last summer, but just us this time,” his small smile fell to a frown, “But you can’t go until you get better, so you need to get better soon.”

“I’ll try my best,” I promised.

He shook his head, “No, not trying your best,” he sat back up suddenly, “I need you to promise me you’ll get better.”

I nodded, “I’ll get better.”

He pulled me into a hug, quickly kissing my head, “Good. Now I think I’m gonna go on patrol for a little bit again. Call me if you need me okay?”

I nodded, “I will.”

“Good,” he pulled his mask back on and drew my blinds again “And now that I’ve met my quota of visiting sick kids for the night, I’ve got to get back to the real superhero business.”

I rolled my eyes, “Glad I could help, be careful out there Spiderman.”

I locked up after he left and felt good for about one minute, then the guilt set in. I couldn’t avoid it anymore, I couldn’t push it down any longer. I didn’t know what to do about it, I just had to get it out. So I went to Betty’s room in hopes of just trying to vent a bit, luckily she was still awake.

“What’s on your mind?” she smiled at me.

I shrugged, “I don’t know, a lot I guess.”

“Okay,” she scooted over and patted the spot besides her on her bed, “Tell me what’s up.”

“Well I’m still dying,” I blushed as I sat down, “I don’t think I’ve gotten better at all actually.”

She frowned, “Just because you aren’t better yet doesn’t mean you haven’t gotten better at all.”

“But I haven’t gotten better Betty, I know I haven’t,” I stopped myself with a sigh, “Peter and MJ broke up.”

She nodded, “Yeah, MJ’s been texting me, how’s Peter?”

“He seems okay,” I was trying so hard not to cry, “It was my fault.”

“What?” she laughed, “(y/n) you had nothing to do with it.”

“Yes I did, I put all this pressure on them and I made things so much worse and I-” I lost the battle with my eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t putting pressure on anyone, and even if you did, it was just something else on the pile, they’ve been having problems for awhile, you know that,” she hugged me, “You shouldn’t feel bad about anything, you’re just trying to get better.”

“No I- Betty it’s Peter,” I just blurt it out between sobs. It feels good to put it out there, to tell someone, but it didn’t shake the guilt at all.

“What do you mean it’s Peter?” she frowned.

“The boy, it’s Peter, I’m sorry,” I feel like a little kid, crying to their mom over a broken toy. She seemed to be in shock for a moment, “That’s why you wouldn’t tell us who?”

I nodded, “I can’t put that on him! And I feel so bad Betty, I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t feel bad, look you can’t help developing feelings for him,” she assured, “Just calm down, it’s not like you’ve ever acted on it, we all know you wouldn’t do that. And you know Peter wouldn’t want you to feel about that either. It’s okay.”

“It isn’t okay Betty! I’m dying! I’m gonna die, I don’t wanna die!” I cried into my hands, “And I just can’t get over him!”

“Yes you can,” she insisted, “Maybe it doesn’t feel like you can right now because you’re all worked up, but you can. Just take a deep breath, let’s calm down okay?”

I took a deep breath, trying to get my sobs under control, “I don’t want to get over him.”

She stayed quiet for a moment, “You have to.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I passed right out after admitting things to Betty, and I had felt better after admitting things to her, but then I woke up coughing. And I just couldn’t stop. Water didn’t help, coughing out the flowers didn’t help, nothing helped. I’d stop for a few seconds and then it would just start right up again. I started getting lightheaded, to the point that I had to sit down. I barely even noticed when Betty entered my room. “Are you okay?” she frowned at me.

I nodded, “I’ll be okay.”

“Drink something,” she handed me my water bottle.

I shook my head and pushed it away, “I already did.”

“Drink more,” she insisted.

I took a gulp just to appease her, then a few petals fell out of my mouth and the coughing finally subsided, leaving me dizzy on my bed, “See? I’m good.”

“I think you should go see the doctor.”

I shook my head, “I’m okay.”

“It’s getting worse, you need to go in,” she insisted, “Come on, I’ll take you in.”

“Betty I’m fine.”

“Then there’s no harm in going in, just humour me okay?”

I sighed, “Fine, fine, we can go to the doctor and see that I’m still just fine.”

Part 3