#but i will likely come out to my rabbi which will most likely go over well. he's been giving green flags from the start

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Were you out as trans to the Rabbi who managed your conversion? I'm Jewish and trans too (from birth tho), and I'm interested to know how it worked for you

I'm still in the process, but I have so far not told anyone about my being trans. I don't know... I just don't feel as though I need to qualify my manhood, if that makes sense. I've been finding in many of the largely cishet jewish spaces that I'm in that I feel more accepted even when I'm stealth than when I'm in non-jewish cishet spaces, so I really don't find it that big of a deal to make it Known. Obviously, it may be different when it comes to my rabbi, and it'll likely come up because I want to look into maybe an alternative to a brit (not out of requirement, out of my own want)... If you couldn't tell, I'm still trying to figure out what I want haha!

I guess the long and short of it is... It just works for me? It's rather boring the way it's been for me, and for that, I really am grateful. I know it's not the same for everyone, and I want to make it clear that this can absolutely coexist with having a really boring, uneventful experience with this.

[vraska-theunseen]

google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help

[olderthannetfic]

Being a trans man and not being an anti is also isolating, which is part of why I think trans guys gravitate towards either being an anti or reposting anti posts. If you're not an anti, you get booted from discord servers, blocked on social media at best or sent misgendering rape threats, death threats and suicide bait by other trans men at worst, and now that I'm in college I've found IRL that not being an anti makes a lot of people in queer spaces available to the average college student incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to either be entirely alone - which is very difficult when you're young, queer, and just coming into your own identity - or you have to be around it a lot without saying a word. Agreeing with it at first wouldn't even be necessary. You just have to not say anything against it, and then you'll be able to be around other people.

It doesn't help that most trans men who get sucked into anti circles are teens at the time. There's 501 proposed anti-LGBT laws right now, not counting everything that has passed, the majority of it anti-trans. If you're a teenage boy seeing all this transphobia on the rise, you're going to feel powerless. Bullying people like antis do makes you feel power over at least a few people. Being told you can consume your way into being a good person via media intake makes you feel like you have power and control over at least that.

I was sucked in incrementally because I wasn't exposed to the more violent antis who fantasized about murder and hurting people for writing fiction, I met my only friend - who was an anti - after my dad had beaten me for coming out as trans, and I was sixteen. I got out when I was eighteen because once I went to live with my mom, a psychologist, she gently corrected me when I would say things that aren't based in fact. She pointed out how upset these people were making me. She taught me how to fact-check claims and look into the veracity of claims.

And when I tried to convey to my friends that no, what they were saying wasn't supported, they turned on me. Including the only person who had been there for me when I was hatecrimed, who had reached out to me specifically because she met me what day. I lost every friend I had in roughly 30 hours.

If I hadn't had a really great mom, a very intelligent rabbi who's well-versed in psychology and is a former lawyer who saw the "fiction made me do it" excuse used to defend heinous crimes and doesn't buy it, and an older half-sister who lived through people calling her a psycho lesbian because she's a lesbian who played D&D, listened to metal and dressed Goth in small-town Montana in the 80's/90's, I would have probably killed myself. Having those three people who accepted me and did not accept this extremist rhetoric kept me sane and repaired my self-esteem enough to keep me going.

But a lot of people don't have three adults who are intelligent, supportive, and know better than to fall for this faux-psychology. A lot of people don't even have one. Often, they have unsupportive people who also believe firmly in the faux-psychology of "if you watch a thing you'll do that thing IRL". So there's not only no one hauling them out of this, it's getting reinforced.

Being a non-anti who is a trans man gets me a lot of shit from a lot of people online and offline. (As other anons have mentioned during the ace discourse, online talking points come up on college campuses and in real life, because the internet is not an alternate dimension, it is something being used by the people around you who exist in the same physical space as you.)

A reality that I don't think people want to discuss is that trans men, just like all other people of all other genders, suffer a lot of psychological distress if they're put in a position where they have no support. I sure as fuck wasn't happy being in a position where I went from having tons of online friends, discord servers I could hang out in and fandoms I associated with good vibes to none of that, plus harassment, plus massive misgendering.

It's a lot less awful of an existence to be a trans man and an anti when you're young and need community and support than it is to not be an anti and be isolated. And humans gravitate towards the least awful option 99% of the time.

--

Yuuup.

Having some kind of real support network, usually offline but at the very least not randos you met a day ago on discord, is vital and is the difference between not only whether you rot in a pit of antidom forever but in stemming the massive flood of trans teen suicides. The overall queer rates aren't great, but the specifically trans rates... they're bad. They're so, so bad.

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

The Stupidity Doesn't End

Dear Future Husband,

Yesterday was an okay day and today was an okay day. No major hiccups or blowups or stupidity. Things were actually relatively okay.

But of course, that means nothing, because everything can change in a split second.

There's a Little Old Lady in our building who is moving to an old age home soon and MotherLivelyHeart decided that we should have a goodbye party for her.

The discussion of this party went from "we should invite everyone she knows to come say goodbye to her" to "we'll just keep it a building thing."

And every time discussion of this thing came up, I kept saying we should do it in the party/conference room that our building has, but MLH has some unexplained hatred for that room and always nixed the idea. She wanted "to do it in my home. I have a beautiful home for a reason."

The last discussion we had about this party earlier in the week (after she agreed to doing the mealtrain thing on Thursday and before she decided she doesn't want to do that again for quite a while), it seemed decided that we would have the party in the hallway near Little Old Lady's apartment with a tiny table set up with a little nosh and a bunch of chairs, instead of in our apartment.

When MLH bought the stuff for the mealtrain breakfast, she also grabbed a boxed cake and boxed brownies. And at some point she scrounged up a bag of popcorn. And erev Shabbos, BigSis baked the cake and brownies.

Then, on Friday, MLH pinned an event in the building whatsapp chat reminding everyone to come say goodbye to Little Old Lady and the time that she posted was 6:15pm-6:45pm or "after havdallah." And the location she posted was our apartment.

Now, time is important for a few reasons. One of which is that, recently, for some reason unbeknownst to me, we have started following a different havdallah time than we used to.

When I was growing up, we waited the longest time for havdallah because my father thought he was chassidush or something and that's what he'd been taught. But it became an issue when he wasn't davening with any chassidush minyan anymore (and hadn't since I was like 2) and we were the weirdos, having heard havdallah at our friends' houses and still unable to do anything after shabbos (like get a ride home) until the proper zman.

My parents spoke to a rabbi* about it who told them that since they had chosen this time as baalei teshuva who didn't really know anything, they could change it. But it was a one-time change and they couldn't adjust again after that, and to be sure of which time they wanted to switch to.

So when I was in high school, we all of a sudden started keeping the "one hour" that most people keep. I believe this is the opinion of The Gra...?

And so, 6:15pm this week becomes important when, out of the blue, we're not ending Shabbos at like 5:30pm if Shabbos started at 4:30pm, but instead at what I think is the offical Tzais HaKochavim time of around 5:45pm. Because by the time Shabbos is over and we've cleaned up from shelosh seudos and actually finish havdallah it's after 6:00pm, which gives us only 15 minutes to set everything up.

And right before havdallah is when MLH decides to tell us that she forgot to get small plates. Oh, and also we don't have any drinks.

This was something SHE was planning. She didn't ask for any help. In fact, ada raba! She told me point blank that she didn't want me making a big deal over this and buying or baking anything for it. "I'm just going to pick up some cookies or something." I was like "fine, this is your thing, go for it."

Well, Little Old Lady showed up at like 5 after 6pm and parked herself right between the kitchen and dining room, when we had just barely finished havdallah, and nothing was set up yet.

We now have 10 minutes to get everything ready which includes finding a folding table for the hallway, making sure we have a tablecloth for it, tracking down small disposable plates and some drinks.

Because none of this was done before Shabbos.

Then another neighbor shows up and she sits next to Little Old Lady and now the direct path from the kitchen to the dining room is blocked, despite us clearly needing that area cleared to be able to get things set up. But whatever. God help our cluelessness.

MLH makes some statement about getting the hallway set up and BS all of a sudden goes "why?" And MLH says "because that's where we're setting things up." And BS makes a face and says "why? it's cold out there." And MLH goes on some mini diatribe about how our apartment hasn't been tidied up and it's so embarrassing, devastating, and humiliating.

Yes, in front of Little Old Lady and Other Neighbor. FFS.

Well, BS's resistance settles the topic - we're doing it in our apartment.

Which shouldn't really be much of a shock, considering that MLH set the location for the event as our apartment and nobody knew the original intention was to have it in the hallway to begin with. But whatever.

Right after Little Old Lady arrived, MLH started cutting the brownies and needed a tutorial on how. Like, seriously? While she was cutting the brownies I asked her what she wanted to do with the bunt cake.

Her response: "Well, we could do an icing or a drizzle, but that means pulling out the confectioner's sugar and vanilla and making a mess... we could cut it up and put it on plates, or just leave it plain and let people do what they want. It's a cake; don't overthink it."

So fine, I left it alone.

Then at about 6:20pm, while she's cutting the brownies into ridiculous shapes despite what I had shown her, she asks me "What do you want to do with the cake?"

I said, "I don't know, it's your cake, whatever you want."

And I get back a condescending remark through forced smile and gritted teeth: "Thank you so much for your help."

Because, I'm of course the bad guy.

Because she "planned" and did a piss-poor job of it.

Because I clearly needed this right now.

I should add that I've been having issues today with the arm that I broke earlier this year. I don't know the cause of it, but I've been experiencing pain for hours, which she knew. And I even made a comment to her about how the most pain is when I have to rotate my arm and grasp things which is required for cutting and carrying.

Yet she kept trying to get me to cut and carry things.

It's almost like she wants me to say no so that she can be upset.

I don't get it.

Anyway, so now we're hosting this little party in our apartment that is "so gross and disorganized and unclean and an embarrassment" or whatever, and while guests are literally coming in she's puttering around tidying random things and muttering under her breath how embarrassed she is at the state of the apartment.

Which, granted, is a bit unorganized, but isn't unclean. It's just not "host-a-party" clean because we didn't clean to be hosting a party.... because it was supposed to be in the hallway and not in the apartment....

So at around 6:30pm, about halfway through the time she alloted for this "party", MLH was fuming at the embarrassing state of our apartment and my inability to be helpful physically (or idea-wise, considering I just parroted back the whole not overthinking the cake situation to her and I guess that was the wrong thing to do), BS started putting together a glaze for the cake, and I sat down on the couch, out of the way, and checked a few messages on my phone and started cataloguing my thoughts.

And MLH took that opportunity to ask me in a whisper across the room "are you going to join us?" To which I was like "what?" and she said louder "are you going to join us at the table?" and I was like "I don't know, maybe" and she said something like "well, then, just go to your room. this is not nice." Because I guess me sitting on the couch on my phone while things were still being pulled together and Little Old Lady was shmoozing with two neighbors, was the rudest thing I could possibly be doing.

Should I remind you that I'm in my mid-30s?

And being reprimanded like a child.

For being in pain and out of the way while people set up a party that I was told straight-up to not do much for.

I frickin' hate my stupid life.

Shabbos was decent and this is how my week starts.

I'm over it all already.

So, my dear future husband...

Here's wishing you a shavua that's tover than mine.

-LivelyHeart

*and just because my life is ridiculous and stupid, this rabbi was someone my mother was doing work for at the time, and who has since been locked up for being a disgusting pervert who went off the rails when he was found out and arrested. I don't even know if he's frum anymore, not that he truly was if he was really doing all those gross things he was accused of, which I kind of don't doubt, based on the piles and piles and piles of evidence....

[saphstories]

Chapter Eight: Prepare the Way

(Index/Masterpost) (Previous) (Next)

Sonic yanked the pillow over his head with a groan and curled into a ball in the center of his massive luxurious bed. Go away, go away, go away. He chanted pleadingly. In the back of his mind, he wondered the reason for his reluctance, then recalled what Sarena had said the previous night at dinner.

“The Swords didn’t just choose you as the Three Sovereigns. They used their own Chaos Energy to reach inside your souls and Awaken the dormant power sleeping within.” The Chief Healer had smirked. “The three of you are going to pass out before your heads hit your pillows, I guarantee it.” She’d been right. Sonic had staggered, dead on his feet, through his nightly routine before collapsing on his bed and crashing thoroughly into dreamland.

The knocking had yet to stop. Sonic grumbled in annoyance and snuggled into the warm silk sheets.

THWACK!

Sonic yelped and tumbled from his blanket cocoon onto the chilly hardwood floor in a tangled heap of silk and limbs. Above the blue hedgehog, a gleaming silver longsword with a glowing sapphire within its spherical golden crossguard hovered above him. “Up, Knave!” Caliburn’s fierce disapproval rang so loudly in his head that Sonic wondered if the Sovereign Sword really could speak aloud. Maybe if it did, Sonic could figure out how to shut it up.

Even so, Sonic popped up from the mess of sheets and blankets with a glower at his blade. “What part of sleeping in does no one in this kingdom understand?” He grumbled, surreptitiously rubbing his bottom where the flat of Caliburn’s blade had smacked him.

Caliburn descended to float directly in front of Sonic. “A King rises with the sun to guide his kingdom as the sun guides the world.” He lectured sternly. “And your kingdom awaits you, Knave, so up you get! You have already wasted valuable time, the other Sovereigns are most likely waiting for you! Tardiness is unbecoming of a King!”

Sonic groaned and heaved himself off the floor. He wondered if Arondight or Zirael lectured Shadow and Silver like this. It’s only been a few hours since the Swords’ sentience awakened, after the Beacon alerted Elysia that the Sovereigns had indeed arrived, but Sonic was ready to pull his quills out. Caliburn never shut up; always criticized every little thing Sonic did. He was a Sovereign, a future King, shouldn’t Sonic have the freedom to do whatever he wanted?

“Absolutely not!” Caliburn snapped. “There is much more to being a King than getting your way all the time, Knave, so get that thought out of your head this instant!”

Sonic banged his head against his wardrobe door. “My name’s not Knave.” He muttered and slammed the bathroom door before Caliburn could follow him. No one told Sonic that being Chosen as a Sovereign meant having an uppity sentient telepathic sword griping in his ears all day. Sonic heaved a sigh and dragged his feet towards the gigantic jacuzzi bathtub in the corner of the grand washroom. At least the perks were awesome. His own apartment-style suite in the Imperial Wing of the Palace, outfitted with every luxury Sonic could ever need: a sitting room, small kitchenette, private study, and gigantic bedroom with a huge four-poster bed, all decorated in hues of blue trimmed in gold. Sonic didn’t even care that Shadow and Silver had been given their own chambers in the same hall, or that Shadow had gotten the largest and grandest of the three as the future High King. Sonic had managed to pull strings and get Tom, Maddie, Tails, Knuckles, and Ozzy their own suite in the Wing, citing that as they were his family, they were technically royals, too.

Sonic sped through his bath and morning routine—ignoring Caliburn’s scoff of derision at his outfit choice of a hoodie, jeans, and his favorite sneakers—and strapped the Sword to his belt before hurrying to the door, the knocks on which had not ceased since they’d begun. “Alright, alright, I’m coming!” Sonic snapped, then paused.

A young rabbit girl with honey-colored fur, big brown eyes, a bright orange sailor dress, and a little blue creature with a big red bowtie beamed up at him. “Lord Sonic!” She cheered, then hastily dropped into a curtsy, the little creature bending over in a bow. “My name is Cream, and this is Cheese the Chao!”

“Chao chao!” Cheese chirped happily.

Cream giddily bounced in place. “We’re so happy to meet you, Lord Sonic, and can’t wait until you become King and beat those mean Black Arms and end the war-!”

“Cream, dear,” Sonic glanced down the hall to find his family, Shadow, and Silver waiting alongside a much older female rabbit with the same coloring as Cream, her darker brown hair tied back into a neat bun, who was shaking her head with a smile. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Oh, right.” Cream curtsied and Cheese bowed again. “If you will follow us, milord, we shall escort you to the dining hall for breakfast.”

“Er, thanks.” Sonic followed the little rabbit as she skipped down the hall and joined the older rabbit, grinning hopefully at her.

“How was that, Mother?” Cream whispered loudly.

Maddie hid a grin as Cream’s mother patted her daughter between the ears with a smile. “Very well done, Cream.” The matron rabbit lowered into a curtsy, smiling respectfully at Sonic. “Lord Sonic, allow me to introduce myself: I am Vanilla, the palace governess, and it is an honor to meet you, milord. My daughter is not the only one eager for your coronation in six days.”

Sonic cocked his head. “Governess?”

Vanilla nodded. “I oversee the maintenance of the palace and its grounds and supervise all staff.” She explained. “Cream is training to take my place one day. Should you ever need or want anything, please let either of us know.”

Sonic gave a thumbs up. “Will do!”

Silver’s stomach growled, and he turned hopeful golden eyes on Vanilla. “So, breakfast?” Cream giggled behind her hands, and Vanilla dipped her head and beckoned the group to follow her.

“Miss Ivy makes the best breakfasts!” Cream gushed, skipping alongside her mother. “Her pancakes are delicious, but she won’t tell me the recipe. Says it’s a ‘family secret’, even though I promised her loads of times I’d never tell anyone…”

3S 

Cream had been right. The breakfast served that morning in the dining hall had been incredible. Stacks upon stacks of pancakes oozing with golden butter and amber syrup, heaps of bacon and sausage still lightly sizzling, every method of eggs imaginable, and a variety of juices in tall crystal pitchers, joined by shiny pots of fresh coffee and steaming teas. Everyone present—Shadow, Sonic, Silver, Blaze, Sally, Tom, Maddie, Tails, and Knuckles—helped themselves to the feast with gusto. Even Shadow had enjoyed moderate portions of fried eggs and bacon with seemingly endless refills of black coffee.

“And you thought I had it bad.” Tom muttered to Maddie, pointedly sipping his own mug. Maddie just shook her head at him.

Princess Blaze cleared her throat. “I hope milords and lady rested well in their new quarters?” She prompted, gaining several nods and thanks, which she waved away. Blaze shared a look with Sally, who nodded, and both princesses rose to their feet.

“If my Lords are finished, we’ve important matters to discuss with you.” Sally requested. “Regarding the plans for the next six days until your coronation.” Shadow, Sonic, and Silver exchanged looks of surprise and confusion, but each stood and followed the regents out the door. Sonic waved over his shoulder at his family.

“Guess we all should get going, too.” Tom sighed, then grinned at Knuckles. “Wanna walk your old man down to the Knight Courtyard?”

“You’re sure you can make it to the EORTA offices on your own, Tails?” Maddie fretfully adjusted the backpack on her youngest’s shoulders.

“Course, Mom.” Tails agreed, hugging her. “I’ll see you at dinner; don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

3S

Tails was most certainly not fine. The twin-tailed fox leaned against the wall of some hallway within the Palace, huffing with exertion and absolutely and utterly lost. What was he thinking, not asking for an escort? His mother was going to have his hide, if Chief Rotor didn’t use it for some experiment first! Tails groaned and facepalmed. What a genius he was!

His ears twitched, and Tails looked up. A girl with leafy green hair and pale green skin, adorned in a dress that looked like a blooming flower in the same shades of green as her features, walked down the corridor towards him, carrying a wicker basket of tiny seedlings and humming to herself. “Hello.” Tails greeted.

The girl startled, blinking surprised blue eyes at the fox. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry!” She apologized. “I didn’t see you there.”

“It’s okay; sorry I scared you.” Tails returned. “I’m Tails.”

She giggled and waved at his namesakes. “Fitting.” She approved. “My name is Cosmo; I’m the palace gardener.”

Tails frowned. “The palace is huge; isn’t that too much work for one person?” He pointed out.

Cosmo grinned and set her basket down, waving her hands over the seedlings, which danced and swayed under her fingers. “Not if you have a talent for it.” She giggled at Tails’ awed expression.

“You can manipulate plant life! That’s incredible!” Tails exclaimed.

“It’s a common gift for a Seedrian.” Cosmo shrugged, her cheeks tinting bright green. “Do you have a gift?” She wondered.

His tails drooped. “Not really. I mean, I can fly-,”

“You fly?!”

“With my tails.” When Cosmo gaped at him, Tails grinned and twirled his tails, hovering in the air and zooming around her playfully, eliciting joyful laughter from the girl.

“That’s amazing!” She cheered. Tails blushed, and his tails curled in delight. “Are you going to be a pilot?”

“I’m actually going to be an EORTA apprentice.” He winced. “That is, if Chief Rotor doesn’t fire me first.”

“Why would Chief Rotor fire you?” Cosmo tilted her head.

“It’s my first day, I kinda insisted I could find the offices myself, and now I’m lost and late.” Tails confessed, ears flat and tails drooping in shame.

“Don’t worry.” She patted his shoulder comfortingly and smiled at him; his cheeks burned. “Chief Rotor is very understanding and kind. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Her blue eyes brightened, a grin stretching across her face. “Why don’t I escort you?”

Tails gestured towards the basket of seedlings. “Don’t you have work to do? I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Oh, these seedlings are going in the Knight Courtyard. If we go another route, we’ll pass right by the Cortex EORTA entrance.” Cosmo snatched up her basket, grabbed Tails’ hand, and tugged him down the hallway. “Come on, I even know a shortcut!”

Cosmo led Tails through the twisting halls, pointing out markers that the fox could use to guide his way if he should ever be lost again. After a few minutes, the Seedrian led him down two flights of stairs, the warm sunshine diminishing the deeper they descended. “The Cortex is the central hub of Elysia.” Cosmo softly explained. “It’s located under the Palace for extra security, because it houses not only the EORTA, but the Ring Port and the ECI, and only the ones with top clearance or are invited can enter there.” She halted in front of a set of sliding glass double doors with the words ‘Elysian Office of Research and Technological Advancement’ printed in gold.

“Thanks for the help.” Tails grinned. “See you around?” He asked hopefully.

Her cheeks turned deep green. “Definitely.” Cosmo smiled back. “Good luck with Chief Rotor.”

“Good luck with the seedlings.” Tails replied. Cosmo giggled and hurried back the way she came, waving to Tails as she vanished up the staircase.

Tails faced the door, his heart hammering in his chest. He rolled his shoulders, took a deep breath, and pushed forward. The doors automatically slid open for him, and the breath rushed from his lungs.

He’d had a makeshift lab before meeting Sonic and becoming a member of the Wachowski family. His dad, once he saw Tails tinkering in the living room at home in Green Hills, gave Tails his own section of the garage and a workbench for his inventions. But neither of those spaces ever compared to this.

Bright white lights illuminated the large square space and reflected off the white tiled floors and crisp white wall, the one furthest the door painted with a golden phoenix wearing a tripoint crown on its head. Mobians and humans in white lab coats either sat at desks and typed away at computers with eyes glued to the program codes flashing across multiple screens; mixed foul-scented chemicals within glass beakers with protective gloves that extended over their elbows; or bent over circuit boards and other tech with sparking wires and silver tools. Tails knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he didn’t care. It was chaotic, noisy, and amazing.

“Like what you see, champ?” Tails startled, his namesakes fluffing up behind him, and Rotor apologetically chuckled. “Whoops, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya.” The walrus lifted his black goggles off his eyes to rest on his forehead and grinned at the fox. “I was expecting you a bit sooner, Tails.”

Tails averted his gaze to his shuffling feet. “I got lost.”

Rotor nodded in understanding. “No worries, kiddo. Happens to all the refs. Now,” He clapped his gloved hands together and grinned at Tails, a twinkle in his eye. “Whaddaya say we get to work, huh?”

3S

“You have got to be kidding me.” Shadow glowered at the beast in front of him, arms crossed tight across his chest and body rigid as a statue.

“Sorry, Sunshine.” Sarena apologized, no hint of remorse in her voice. When Shadow snapped his venomous gaze at her, she grinned and patted the horse’s neck. “But it’s expected. The coronation will be held in four days at the Cathedral in the kingdom square, and all Elysia will be crowding the streets to see the Prophesied Sovereigns take their rightful places as Kings. Vector thought the best way to get you three there without anyone getting trampled would be on horseback, and the Court agreed.” Her smile widened. “Besides, it’ll be fun! Why not give the kingdom the chance to properly celebrate the day they’ve all waited centuries for with a parade?”

“I am not humiliating myself riding on a stupid horse when I can think of at least four alternative ways!” Shadow snapped. “And why aren’t the other two here getting this lecture?!”

“Lord Sonic already knows how to ride, and Lord Silver had this natural connection to Fisher over there.” Sarena nodded her head to a handsome buckskin mustang drinking from the trough in the corner of the stable. “One hour of instruction, and those two were prancing around like they’ve been riding together for years. He knows well enough for a smooth ride to the Cathedral and back.”

Shadow raised a brow, momentarily forgetting he was objecting to this ridiculous plan in his curiosity. “Do people normally learn that quickly?”

Sarena shrugged. “Some do. Some have an affinity with animals in general; horses are great judges of character, and Lord Silver is very sweet-tempered…but this seemed like more. I can’t say for certain, but Lord Silver may have a gift that made it easy for him to connect with Fisher. You’ve seen how that flicky of his refuses to leave his side for even a second.” Shadow snorted. “Now, milord, get over here. I’ve got four days to teach you how to properly ride and we’re burning daylight.”

“I’m not climbing on that beast just so it can toss me right back off!” Shadow sneered.

Sarena glared at him. “First of all, ‘it’ is a horse, ‘it’ is a she, and she has a name. Remember how I said horses judge character? You’re displaying extremely poor taste, mister!” The periwinkle hedgehog put her hands on her hips and disapprovingly glowered down her nose at Shadow with scorching teal eyes.

Shadow met that disapproval for all of ten seconds before he cowed. “Fine. I’m not getting on that horse just so she can toss me right back off.”

Sarena immediately softened. “Sunshine, I hate to tell you this, but that’s part of riding. You’re gonna get thrown or you’re gonna fall off.” Shadow opened his mouth, but Sarena held up a finger, silencing him. “But I’ll make you a promise, okay?” She stroked the mare’s pretty blonde mane with a smile. “I raised Peaches myself from a filly, and she’s a very sweet and kind lady. She won’t throw you just to throw you. I’ve ridden her since she was big enough to ride and she’s only ever thrown me twice, both times because something spooked her.”

“I’m not afraid.” Shadow protested.

Sarena furrowed her brow. “Then what?”

Shadow shifted on his feet uneasily, then sighed. “You know what I was created to be.” He muttered. “The Ultimate Lifeform, the key to immortality, meant to be perfect at everything set to me. And now I’m meant to be the High King of Elysia, prophesied to end a war that’s lasted two thousand years.” Shadow slowly exhaled and met Sarena’s gaze with vulnerable scarlet eyes. “How am I supposed to prove any of that if I get thrown like an idiot on the way to my own coronation?”

“Sunshine, no one is ever perfect at anything straightaway, Ultimate Lifeform or not.” Sarena gently argued. “Everything is learned and mastered in its time; even those with talents must be properly taught to hone those talents to achieve mastery.” She snubbed her nose with a smirk. “And it just so happens that I’m one of the best riders you’ll find in Elysia.” She proclaimed. Shadow regarded Sarena and the mare at her side with uncertain ruby eyes, and she smiled encouragingly. “Trust me, Sunshine. I’ll have you riding like a pro in no time.”

“Fine.” Shadow relented.

Sarena beamed and waved him forward. “First thing you need to always remember is that a horse is a prey animal, no matter its size.” She informed him. “So, you need to remain calm and attentive when handling a horse. No sudden movements, loud noises, or general things that may spook them and cause an accident if you can help it. Horses are incredibly inept at sensing their rider’s moods, so if you’re distressed, upset, or angry, they will pick up on that, and it will make their behavior erratic and create a dangerous situation where you or the horse will be possibly harmed.”

“How do I avoid that?”

“Remain calm, confident, and compassionate. Remember that your horse has thoughts and emotions just as you do, only with a different method of expression. Remember that this is a living thing, not a toy or transport to be used then discarded once you’re finished with it. Simply put: treat her like you’d want to be treated in her hooves.” Sarena’s expression hardened to stone. “Listen to me very carefully, Shadow Robotnik: I don’t care if you’re High King or court jester, if I ever hear anything of you mistreating a horse, whatever you’ve done to them, I’ll inflict tenfold on you. Are we clear on that?”

Shadow did not quiver in his skates; he absolutely did not. But he did nod solemnly in response. “Crystal.”

Sarena’s expression smoothed into a smile. “Good. Now, come here and say a proper hello to Peaches.” She patted the palomino mare’s neck, and the mare tossed her head to nibble at Sarena’s hand affectionately.

 Shadow remained where he was. “Hello, Peaches.”

Sarena chuckled. “She won’t bite, Sunshine. Peaches is the gentlest mare we have in the stables. Besides, we gotta get her used to you, and you to her, before the coronation. You’ll be riding her for the parade, remember?”

“I don’t know how-,”

“Hold your hand up to her.” Sarena instructed and pushed Shadow’s arm up at the wrist and turned it, so the back of his hand was aloft just inches before Peaches’ muzzle. “Just like that, then let her come to you. When she does, you have her permission to touch her. Think of it like a handshake: You’re saying hello.”

Shadow swallowed, but remained perfectly still as Peaches gazed at him with curious dark eyes. There was no denying she was a gorgeous animal, with a smooth cream-colored coat, a soft golden mane and tail, and a small white patch between her dark eyes. Her warm breath tickled Shadow’s gloved fingers, and something like wonder melted Shadow’s ruby eyes as Peaches curiously nosed into his palm. “Hello, Peaches.” He whispered reverently, the tiniest of upticks on the corner of his mouth. Sarena beamed and joined him, showing Shadow the best places to stroke and pet her, and the periwinkle hedgehog laughed when Peaches snuffed out her nose on Shadow’s forehead.

“She likes you.” Sarena explained at the concurrent questioning look. “It’s called blowing, and it means she’s happy and likes what you’re doing. Like how we purr.”

Shadow nodded, but with an odd expression on his face. “Right.” He shook his head. “What now?”

Sarena smirked. “Now the real work begins.”  

3S

A tall cathedral of gleaming white stone stood proudly in the center of the Elysian Square, decorated with shining blue tile roofs and glistening golden windows, the pillars and walls sculpted in bricks of quartz. An ivory fountain sat before the marble steps leading to the glittering gold arched entryway, the water shimmering in the afternoon sunlight. Four pairs of eyes from across the cobblestone street observed the Cathedral, three with wonder, one with reverence, until the leading otter nudged his companions down the sidewalk. 

“You’ll get a better view tomorrow during the coronation rehearsal.” Scratch promised. “We’ve more pressing matters to attend to.” He pointed down to the opposite side of the kingdom square, where a modest little building, painted a cream white trimmed with baby blue, sat on the corner. “Threads of Grace. The best boutique in all of Elysia.” The otter smirked, his amber eyes twinkling behind his glasses, at the three hedgehogs trailing behind him. “Certainly a fitting place for such an important affair.” He snickered.

Sonic facepalmed. “Don’t quit your day job, Scratchy.”

Scratch chuckled. “You sound just like Sarena.” The otter nimbly dodged a pack of kids bolting down the sidewalk, shaking his head with a laugh once their less-than-melodic tune reached his ears. “Haven’t heard that ditty in a while.” He mused.

Shadow cocked his head, straining to listen even as the children raced away. “… ‘Smeared with oil like David’s boy’?” The black hedgehog questioned incredulously.

“O lei, o lai, o lord.” Scratch sang and barked a laugh at the Three’s perplexed looks. “It’s an old Solennian folk song. ‘There will come three Rulers, whose brows are laid in gold. Smeared with oil like David’s boy, o lei o lai, o lord.’” Scratch raised his brow at Shadow, Sonic, and Silver, an expectant grin on his muzzle. “We weren’t kidding when we told you all Elysia has been waiting for you.” The three hedgehogs exchanged a look, and Scratch waved them forward towards Threads of Grace’s entrance. “Come on, best not keep them waiting.”

A soft tinkling resounded above the wooden door, and a voice with a hidden owner called. “Just a moment!” Scratch grinned and motioned Shadow, Sonic, and Silver inside, quietly closing the door behind him.

The interior of the boutique matched the outside; small, but neat and charming, with sandy wood floors, pale cream walls trimmed in soft blue, and racks upon racks of clothing lining the walls. Men’s fashions on the right, women’s on the left, increasing in age the further along the walls one searched. The center floor was reserved for alterations, with two pedestals on either side surrounded by a triage of tall mirrors and a small section of cozy armchairs each. At the very back of the shop stood the reception desk, with a singular desktop computer and silver bell atop it, and a swinging saloon door beyond.

Scratch winked at the three hedgehogs, strode towards the desk, and tapped the bell. Ching!

“A moment, please!” The same voice requested.

Scratch bit back a snigger and tapped the bell twice more. Ching ching!

“Bellamy Fireheart, if that’s you ringing the damn bell, scram!” The voice shouted. “We’ve got VIPs coming any minute now,” A lovely maiden fox with an irate scowl poked her head around the doorway and shooed him away. “So away with you, mister!”

Scratch leaned on the desk and blinked innocently at her. “Even if I bring clients?”

“Unless they’re the Three Sovereigns themselves here for their Coronation fitting-,” The fox stepped out and put her hands on her hips, her bushy tail swishing behind her, the evergreen of her off-shoulder blouse and soft blue of her jeans a pleasant contrast from her bright orange fur.

“Funny you should say so, sweetheart, but-,” Scratch stepped aside and gestured a ‘ta-da!’ with a sweep of his arm at Shadow, Sonic, and Silver. “That’s exactly who I’ve brought.”

The fox gaped, her striking green eyes popping out of her head, and Scratch bit his fist to keep from outright laughing. “I-you-my Lords-,” She fumbled, then promptly threw a roll of fabric at the sniggering otter’s head. “Bellamy Fireheart, you scoundrel! Mama’s been working herself into a fit and you just-!” She spun on her heel and marched back the way she came.

“Someone’s in trouble.” Sonic muttered.

Silver furrowed his brow. “Bellamy?”

Scratch shrugged. “Old family name. Jem only uses it when I’ve managed to ruffle her fur.”

“Which you make a habit of doing, young man.” A portly mouse with long whiskers, a streak of silver around his nose, thick round glasses, and a curved wooden cane that he leaned heavily on as he limped around the desk to raise a brow into the hem of the brown leather flat cap resting between his large ears. He playfully jabbed the tip of his cane into Scratch’s chest. “It’ll come back to bite once you marry her, and marriage makes it all the worse, boy.”

“She makes it too much fun, Mr. Grace.” Scratch grinned.

Mr. Grace shook his head, then leveled his blue eyes—enlarged by his spectacles—at Shadow, Silver, and Sonic. “So, you’re the ones, eh?” He hummed. “The Three Sovereigns.”

The three of them exchanged a look. Sonic nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Which of ya did Arondight choose?” Mr. Grace leaned forward interestedly. “No, no, no, don’t tell me.” He waved his paw and hobbled closer, peering at each of the hedgehogs closely, until he paused directly in front of Shadow. “It’s you, innit? The future High King? Arondight’s Chosen?”

Shadow wanted to demand just how this old mouse knew, but the words died on his tongue the longer he held those firm, yet kind blue eyes. He blinked as Mr. Grace’s eyes shimmered with light, and he nodded slowly. “Yes, sir.” Shadow wasn’t sure how he knew, but he could see it plainly: Mr. Grace was a mouse of great respect…and so deserved Shadow’s.

“Thought so.” Mr. Grace’s whiskers twitched, and those eyes twinkled. “How’s that Sight treatin’ ya?”

Shadow frowned. “Sight?”

“What Sight, Mr. Grace?” Scratch demanded.

“Come now, boy. Surely as someone with Vision, you musta seen it in him.” Mr. Grace smirked. “It’s clear as day in his eyes. Our future High King has Sight. What sort, I can’t be sure. But it’s there.”

“Lord Shadow,” Scratch gently pushed past Mr. Grace to stand in front of Shadow and quirked his brow. “If I may?”

“May what?” Shadow narrowed his eyes.

Scratch shot an inquiring look at Mr. Grace, and the old mouse waved his paw dismissively. “Mr. Grace was the General of the Elysian Knights several years back; he’s Antoine’s predecessor.”

“Would still be leadin’ if not for this bum leg.” Mr. Grace tapped his left boot with his cane. “Though Twan’s doin’ a right good job as General.”

“Okay, but what does that have to do with Shadow?” Silver asked.

“I got a bit of a knack for spottin’ gifts.” Mr. Grace shrugged one shoulder. “Scratch there thinks it’s a gift of my own, but I think it’s ‘cause I’m old and learned what to look for in people over the years.”

“I want to examine your Chaos Energy and see if I can discern what Sight Mr. Grace believes he spotted.” Scratch explained.

Sonic whistled. “I thought you could only see visions.”

Scratch shook his head. “There are many facets to a Seer’s talents, just like any other with Chaos abilities. My most powerful ability is my Prophetic Sight, which does grant me the ability to See through Time, but it’s not the only gift I have at my disposal. All Seers, myself included, have Discernment: the ability to examine another’s Chaos Energy and verify the abilities that person has. Admittedly, I’m not the best at it, but I should at least be able to Discern what Mr. Grace saw.” Scratch raised his brow at Shadow. “Your permission, milord?” Shadow paused, debating for a long moment, before nodding slowly. “Relax and keep your eyes on me.” The otter instructed, tucking his glasses away into his sweater vest pocket.

Scratch’s inquisitive honey eyes met Shadow’s reluctant scarlet. The otter’s irises shimmered and expanded, filling Shadow’s vision with swirling honey speckled with golden pinpricks like stars.

Then, as quickly as it began, Scratch blinked and grinned, slipping his glasses back onto his face and stepping back. Shadow shook his head, ears popping like he’d been submerged underwater, everything returning to the sharp clarity he knew. “Well?”

“First, to make sure I’m right.” Scratch pursed his lips. “Lord Shadow, my full name is Bellamy ‘Scratch’ Fireheart; I'm a survivor of the Solaris Event; I’m engaged to Jemina Grace and we’ll be married this spring; my best friend is Chief Healer Sarena Grace, who is also Jem’s sister and the Grace’s youngest daughter; and I’m called Scratch because of a hideous scar with a rather embarrassing story about climbing a tree and falling over ten feet when I was a pup.”

Shadow blinked, startled at the slew of information, then frowned, narrowing his eyes. “You’re lying.” He accused.

“About which part?” Scratch pressed, brow raised expectantly.

Shadow paused, considering. He tilted his head, scrutinizing the Prophet of Elysia, and his eyes began to glow, the shining ruby of his irises engulfing his black pupils until his eyes were flat scarlet disks, shimmering with power. “You’re not a survivor of the Solaris Event; you and Jemina won’t be married in spring; and you aren’t called Scratch because of a scar with a ridiculous story.”

Scratch beamed. “Well done, milord.” Mr. Grace chuckled at Shadow’s confounded expression as his eyes returned to normal.

“How-?” Silver wondered.

“It’s called True Sight, or more commonly, Star Sight.” Scratch explained. “Thankfully, you won’t need to worry about prophetic visions, Lord Shadow. Instead, Star Sight makes you immune to deception, able to See through any lie to the truth.”

“So, I’m a walking lie detector.” Shadow deadpanned.

“Essentially, but your powers have only just Awakened.” Scratch reminded him. “Which leaves room for growth. There’s no telling how powerful the three of you may become. Star Sight’s a rare gift, even for Seers. The last record of a Seer with it was over a century ago.”

The conversation was stilled by the fox and a female mouse with coal black fur, a neat silvery bun, and a long-sleeved blue dress with a white apron tied around her waist walking out from the back room. The fox marched straight for Scratch and flicked him on the nose. “Ouch!” Scratch wiggled his nose and shot a wounded look at the fox. “Easy, Jem, I only have one of those!” He complained.

“Rascal.” Jem rolled her eyes but kissed his cheek. “Why do you insist on irritating me?”

“Why do you rise to the occasion?” Scratch countered with a grin, then covered his face when she made to flick him again.

“You’re spending too much time around Sarena.” Jem informed him.

Scratch wrapped an arm around her and kissed her cheek. “I’ll take you to dinner after their fitting to make up for it.” He promised.

“Jake’s?” Jem hopefully suggested.

Scratch chuckled. “Only if you agree to share the nuggets.”

“Better stay in for supper, then.” Jem decided. Scratch laughed.

Mr. Grace shook his head with a grin and put his hand on the female mouse’s shoulder. “My lords, might I introduce you to my lovely wife, Olivia Grace, and our eldest daughter, Jemina.”

Jemina and Olivia lowered themselves into curtsies. “It’s a great honor to be dressing you for your coronation, my lords.” Olivia dabbed her eyes with the corner of her apron, the white fabric darkening in pinprick spots. “Forgive the tears, but…never in our wildest dreams did we think we’d live to see this day.” The elder mouse sniffled but beamed at the three hedgehogs with glistening brown eyes.

Sonic shuffled on his feet and shared an uncomfortable look with Shadow and Silver. “Of course, ma’am.”

“The honor is ours.” Silver agreed. Shadow inclined his head.

Jemina clapped her hands. “Now, two of you pick a pedestal and hop it! We’ve got a lot to do to make you look perfect for your kingdom, so let’s not waste time, eh?”

3S

The cool night air ruffled his blue fur, bristling in response to the chill. Sonic closed his eyes and sighed, leaning on his elbows onto the balcony railing. Beneath him, the lantern lights that dotted the kingdom glimmered like fireflies, warm and comforting. Sonic’s gaze shifted upward, but only saw the deep indigo of the night sky above. Not a single star shone, only the hazy outline of the crescent moon.

The coronation was tomorrow. Sonic knew he should be excited; he was being crowned a King, but…he could feel the weight pressing down on his shoulders, see the bars closing tight around him. To be a King meant responsibility, it meant constriction. Sonic wouldn’t just gain a kingdom tomorrow, but a war. A war that had raged for two thousand years, a war he was somehow destined to end.

“Lord Sonic?” Sonic let out a squeal and jumped a foot in the air, his spines flaring. Blue lightning crackled in his fingers, but when he whirled around, he found a remorseful but amused pink hedgehog with her short quills tied back and her body wrapped tight in a fuzzy dressing gown. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Chief Rose raised her hands in surrender and cocked her head at him. “Can’t sleep?”

Sonic forced his heart to slow and quills to flatten. “Not really.”

A twinkle shimmered in her soft green eyes. “Excited?”

Sonic’s own emerald eyes lowered. “Not really.”

Chief Rose bit her lip. “May I join you, milord? Or would you rather be alone?”

Sonic considered it. His thoughts were spinning, faster and faster with no signs of stopping for even a second. “Company would be nice.” He agreed. Chief Rose smiled and strode forward to join him, inhaling the crisp night air and folding her hands on the stone railing.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” She nodded to the kingdom below. “A shame we can’t see the stars, though.”

“Why can’t we?” Sonic wondered, then gestured to the lantern light with a quirked brow. “Ambient lighting?”

“No, it’s the Smoke Screen.” She informed him, frowning when his expression turned blank. “Sally and Blaze should have—didn’t they show you three all the classified zones?” She demanded.

Sonic winced. “Yes?”

Chief Rose’s expression fell into a deadpan stare. “You weren’t paying attention, were you?”

“I was!” Sonic protested. “It’s Caliburn’s fault!” Sonic felt no remorse pointing the blame—because it was Caliburn’s fault! The Sovereign Sword had been in Sonic’s ear during Sally and Blaze’s entire tour, hissing at the hedgehog and making it difficult to focus.

Chief Rose shook her head bemusedly. “The Smoke Screen is the illusion barrier that hides Elysia from the Black Arms.” She explained and pointed at the moon’s hazy outline. “It isn’t a full shield; if the Black Arms were to find our coordinates, the Smoke Screen wouldn’t stop them from passing over the borders. But the illusion obscures us from any sort of tracking technology, including plain sight, but the unfortunate side effect is it also obscures outside visuals from the inside.”

“It blots out the stars.” Sonic murmured in understanding.

“The sun and moon get through because they’re close enough and radiate enough light.” She agreed. “Shame, but there’s no way around it. Rotor tried for months, but I’d rather not see the stars if the alternative is sacrificing our people’s safety.”

“Do you really think we can win the war?” Sonic blurted.

“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate.

“How?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged helplessly. “But I believe in the Prophecy, and that means I believe in you, and Lords Shadow and Silver.”

“What if it’s misplaced?” Sonic ducked his head. “I’m up for any adventure, and I’ll help in any way I can, but becoming a King and ending a 2,000-year-old war? That’s a tall order. How can you be sure we’re the ones? What if the Prophecy is wrong?”

Chief Rose chewed the inside of her cheek, then hesitantly laid her hand over Sonic’s. “I don’t have any of those answers, and I’m not going to pretend I do. But,” She smiled at him. “I’m sure because I have faith. I have faith in the Prophecy. I have faith in the Swords. I have faith you’ll go into the Cathedral tomorrow a nervous boy and come out a courageous King. I have faith Antoine is going to train the Three of you until you’re better warriors than him. I have faith that the next time you meet the Black Arms in battle, you’ll make them quake in their scales. I have faith that one day soon, you’ll greet Black Doom, then destroy him forever. I have faith that one day soon, that name will be nothing but a memory. I have faith that one day soon, Elysia will finally be at peace. And above all, I have faith that all will be because of you, of Lords Shadow and Silver, the Three Sovereigns of Elysia.”

Sonic stared at her a moment, then grinned. “Yeah. Thanks, Chief Rose.”

The pink hedgehog playfully nudged him. “Call me Amy.”

“Amy.” Sonic corrected himself. A massive yawn stretched his jaw wide, and Amy giggled.

“Bedtime, milord.” She instructed and shooed him with her hand. “Can’t have you fall asleep during your own coronation!”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sonic lowered himself in a bow and vanished in a gust of wind, the door to his private suite slamming shut behind him. Amy giggled behind her hand and shook her head. “Oh, we’re in deep trouble, aren’t we?” She gazed out upon the kingdom below, smiling softly. “Prepare the way, Elysia. Sovereignty is finally come.”

CREAM!!!! CHEESE!!! VANILLA!!!! HI GUYS HI HI GUYS!!!!

Cosmo and Tails are so stinking cute I can't with them 😭

The folk song the kids and Scratch are singing is actually a 3S rendition of Soldier, Poet, King. Specifically the sped-up Reno version here. I love the tune of it and had to include it in 3S. 🥰

Thank you so much for reading Chapter Eight, I so hope you enjoyed it! See you next Wednesday, 2/26, for the FINAL chapter of Act One: The Chosen...Chapter Nine: Sovereignty is Come!

[giyrut-girlie]

(queer) jews in my phone i need help/love

this is a long ass post im so sorry lmfao, im putting it in under the cut to save you all but also if people have head space pls read <3

on friday night, i found myself the last of the shabbat guests (who weren't staying the night) at the Rabbi's house. i had asked my housemate to pick me up at 10:30, but everyone else left before 10.

the kids and rabbi's wife had gone to bed, so it was me, the Rabbi, and two older frum guys who stay over shabbat most weeks to be closer to shul.

for some context, earlier in the evening one of these guys had asked another dinner guest (a med student who I'm good friends with, she's a year or two younger than me) whether trans issues came up in her study. the two of us youngins made brief "help me" eye contact and she answered saying that yes, they did cover trans issues given that as a doctor she will, at some point or another, treat trans patients. the subject was changed, but the room was a bit tense.

so: 10pm, i'm sitting at the table, a little tipsy from all the wine, just hanging out until my ride comes.

the rabbi says "hey ella, i have a question for you now that everyone else (by which he means the not-so-frum people) is gone." and i Just Knew what he was about to ask.

i won't go into extreme detail about the actual conversation, but to sum it up: I was asked my opinion on trans folk, i said that i am supportive and do in fact believe trans people about their identities and was Shut All The Way Down. if i cited statistics i was told that actually they'd seen the opposite, if i tried to explain a study i was familiar with, i was told that they didn't think that was true. i actually don't know how i stayed calm, bc my mind and body were telling me that i was Unsafe basically the entire time (thanks anxiety disorder really did me a solid there /s).

eventually 10:30 rolled around and i had a get out of jail free to skip the rest of that fuck awful conversation, and my housemate was very nice to listen to my debriefing. while talking to her i came to the realisation that one of the main factors in the disagreement was that the rabbi didn't actually value the wisdom of any cultures/teachings/histories outside of judaism. if I talked about sistergirls of the torres strait, or māhū of hawai'i, that was dismissed essentially as goyische nonsense.

this whole conversation has been a Fucking Downer for my mental health. i actually broke shabbat (beyond my usual one melacha to be in the clear and sneaky housemate taxi service) that night bc my thoughts were racing too much to sleep without putting on some comfort media.

but beyond the mental health stuff (though probably actually very related) i've found myself really struggling with judaism since friday night. having my rabbi, who has been helping me through conversion, and who i have really valued as a teacher, and the only two other frum people in the community be so overtly transphobic all at once has really taken me for a spin. like, my rabbi is a lubavitcher, i knew that he was going to be fairly conservative about some stuff, but he literally told me that he only uses the correct pronouns for one of our community members as a "personal favour", and essentially told me that she was good evidence against trans acceptance bc nothing she could ever do would ever make her not a man (and you better believe this involved a lot of comments about her appearance)

to put the icing on the cake, when i dropped off his kids today (i nanny for them once a week), he handed me a book that upon research is basically the jk rowling talking point bible. he said to me that it was a really good book for me to read and that it might help fight some of the "mob mentality" (interesting term for scientific consensus but okay)

(also i had actually looked up my own citations from the discussion later and found myself to be very much correct in my recitation of statistics, but you better believe i wasn't petty enough to forward them on)

ANYWAY if anyone is still reading i'm fucking bummed and super anxious about interacting with my community, my conversion, finding the balance between really truly wanting to pursue an orthodox lifestyle and also being queer myself etc etc

i live in a really small jewish community and can't really leave until i finish my degree in 2026, so i can't exactly just find a more accepting rabbi or shul.

anyone have any advice, or just some solidarity for feeling shitty in this space? love u jews in my phone xx

[dragoneyes618]

Pogrom is one of four words that antisemitism has given to the contemporary vocabulary - the others are genocide, the attempt to kill an entire people; Holocaust, the Nazi murder of six million Jews between 1939 and 1945; and ghetto, the name given to the enclosed areas in many European cities where Jews were forced to live until the twentieth century, and during the Holocaust.

While technically, the word "pogrom" refers to three waves of attacks against the Jews of Russia (in 1881-1884, 1903-1906, and 1918-1920), today the term is used to refer to any antisemitic attack.

The Russian pogroms radically affected Jewish life. American Jews, many of whose ancestors come from Russia, are very likely living here because of the pogroms. In 1881, when the pogroms began, more than half of world Jewry lived under Russian rule. However, the violent attacks quickly prompoted waves of Jews to flee the country, with most going to the United States. Twenty years later, during a second wave of pogroms, the number of Jewish immigrants in 1905-1906 alone exceeded 200,000.

The pogroms also caused a major upsurge in Jewish support for Zionism. The First Aliyah (wave of immigration to Palestine) came in response to the 1881 Russian pogroms, and the Second Aliyah in reaction to the ones that began in 1903. In 1989-1990, rumors of impending pogroms caused an immediate and enormous upsurge in Soviet-Jewish emigration to Israel.

In addition to the killings and looting, the most disquieting feature of the pogroms was the support they received from the Russian government. In the aftermath of six hundred pogroms that took place between 1903 and 1906, it was revealed that the pamphlets calling for the attacks had been printed on the press of the czar's secret police. My grandfather Nissen Telushkin, the rabbi of the small shtetl of Dukor, told me that Russian Jews used to wish for a corrupt police chief because he could be bribed to stop a pogrom. It was the "idealistic" police chief whom the Jews dreaded because when the order to make a pogrom was issued he could not be bribed. 

What was a pogrom like? Shocking eyewitness testimony was given by Sholem Schwartzbard. I offer it hesitantly The description is so sickening that images from it have on occasion haunted my nights. Schwartzbard himself was a survivor of the pogroms of 1918-1920, which occurred during the brief interval when the Ukraine was an independent republic under the rule of Simon Petlura. After the Soviets defeated the Ukrainian forces, Petlura escaped to Paris, where Schwartzbard assassinated him in 1926. After a three-week trial, in which Schwartzbard offered evidence of what Petlura, his troops, and the Ukrainian masses had done to the Jews, a French court acquitted him. This excerpt reveals the nature of a pogrom:

"At the end of August [1919], when I was in Kiev, Petlura's advance guard entered. They murdered all the Jews they met on their way. In the center of Bolshaya Vasilkovskaya Street, I saw the corpse of a young man stretched out on the pavement and, her head on his dead body, a woman lamenting for her one and only son. Hoodlums shouted obscenities, mocking her despair. One sermonized: "This is good. We'll show you, damned Jews, we'll slaughter you all."

[Elsewhere} they forced unfortunates to eat their excrement. They shoveled earth over them and buried them alive. Nor did they spare the dead...In Tripole on the Dnieper, Petlura's birthplace, after the fifth pogrom, forty-seven corpses of the old, the sick, and the children were left lying in the street, and no living soul remained after them. Dogs began to pick at the bodies, and pigs to nibble. Finally, a Gentile who used to work for Jews, out of pity dug a grave and buried them. The Haidamacks [Ukrainian soldiers] learned of it and for that they murdered him...."

All of the events described above occurred in the twentieth century.

- Jewish Literacy, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, pages 258-259

[pbandjesse]

I stood for so long today that I now I feel like I can barely walk my lower back hurts so bad. I became so stiff, even with a heating pad! But I'm going to take a salt bath and hopefully that helps. I also stretched for a while. But man. Ouch.

I had a really good, though a little chaotic, day. After I got home last night I would cut the flowers and get them in some water. I brought them upstairs to show James, who was mostly asleep. But I talked to them for a bit and then let them rest.

I made a stupid call and picked at my face. I need to leave my upper lip alone because it looks horrible. But it's also so itchy. I am going to get some a&e ointment tomorrow because nothing I have seems to be helping. And I can't leave it alone if it's scabbed at all. It's like a curse.

But even though I was self conscious about my face, I felt really pretty today! My hair was so curly and pretty. I loved my outfit. I was just feeling really good.

I was tired this morning but I was still in a good mood. James and me sat together for a bit. They made me breakfast and I packed a little lunch. And soon we were off. Me to work, and James to biking and going to see a condo with their parents.

I was very glad I left early. I got to awah at 930 and immediately knew there was a problem. I could not find our class bags. There was no laptop left for me for the PowerPoint they wanted to show. I was stressed!!

I sent out some SOS texts. And thankfully Anna would get back to me and walked me through where the laptops live and that was a whole thing. But I handled it. Even though it took me forever.

While all of that was going on the Rabbi, Emily, and my coteacher, Cheryl, were also there. It was Cheryl's first class ever and she was obviously nervous. And it would be fine in the end but during the figuring it out part of the morning I felt like we were stressing eachother out. Like I was trying to remain calm and explained what materials we would need and she was almost arguing with me?? In the end I think it was just me not understanding her tone. And I think we worked well together! But it was a stressful hour.

Thankfully though Rabbi Emily wanted to do a half hour intro and so I was mostly ready when she was. And it went really well! I really liked this group!

We did fake stained glass with plexi and paint and everyone did so well!! I think we did an excellent job helping everyone. We were supposed to have stencils but since the materials were missing instead I offered to help people draw. But I would only actually draw for two people and even then I was just roughing thing in. I was so proud of everyone.

It turned out that one of the women knows Anne Fulwiler! From the theater project days. So that was very fun. And I had fun talking to them and they were all so kind about wishing me good blessings for baby. I felt under cover pregnant because of my apron but I would do the belly sweep motion and everyone would go gasp! Baby!

We finished at noon. And me and Cheryl got things cleaned and put away. Because my BAS group was going to be painting I kept some of the materials out and would reuse a lot of the paint pallets that the first group used to save paint. And would just refill or add to as needed. And for the most part it worked out well!

The hour between went by super fast. Naomi and Mary Ellen would come at 1230. And after I filled them in about the morning I would finish setting up and then went to microwave my lunch. Which was just stuffing and seaweed. A great combo.

And soon students were coming. And it was a really great day. Even if me and one student got burned by an over hot hot glue gun. Ouch.

It was a good two hours. I barely sat down at all between all the classes. But I was having a lot of fun. And everyone did so good!

The thing I was most proud of though was towards the end of the second hour. Brian and Mary Ellen were having a miscommunication. He kept saying he wanted white. Meaning white paint. But she tried to give him white and he would exclaim "no!". And the thing with Brian is he has a hearing aid and talks with his teeth together so he doesn't always communicate well. He doesn't really do sentences.

So I was like let me try. Brian can you point at the paint? None of the ones on the table. Okay can you point to something in the room? He was struggling. So I follow him back to his art and ask him to show me on his piece what he wanted to paint. And it was skin! I was like "white skin??" And he goes 'YES!!' I'm sure it was nice to feel understood but man did I feel proud for figuring that out.

Clean up took a little longer then normal. I am not sure exactly why. Maybe I didn't have the right buckets for cleaning as we went. Or the brushes were larger then we are used to and they made everything wet? No idea. But it took us a bit. I wasn't in a rush but my feet were hurting. And my hips were starting to hurt. I was very much ready to go home.

I had a nice drive home. With very loud music. Sylvia was moving a lot today, which is very comforting. But when I got home I texted James about coming outside to get the baby presents out of the car from yesterday. And when they came out they playfully yelled at me because they could hear my music so clearly through the car from our front door. My argument is Sylvia needs to be able to hear it too!!

We got everything inside and sat together in the kitchen to talk about our days. And pretty quickly I was like. Oh man I am tired. So we would go upstairs and I got changed and we got in bed.

James worked on editing and I put on a video and rested my eyes but my legs would start hurting so bad. Like throbbing. And was not able to sleep like I wanted.

James would get me a heating pad for my lower back because I tried to turn over and was almost yelling it hurt so much. We put pillows all around me so I could be supported and sit up. And they made me Mac and cheese. Best husband.

Eventually James would make me little peanut butter crackers. And went to do some cooking. And I would drag myself out of bed to sit on my yoga ball to try and work out the pain in my back because I could barley stand up. And it did help. But a salt water bath would help a lot more.

And now I'm clean and in bed. I'm still mad at myself for picking at my face so bad. And I'm trying to moisturize every time I want to pick at the scabs on my upper lip. But man. I am failing!

I will continue the fight though. And start getting ready to sleep. It's going to be kind of a long day tomorrow. After too long days I've already had. I have three doctors appointments tomorrow. My monitoring, my regular ob appointment, and then in the afternoon I have my rhumatologist appointment. A long day. Hopefully all good stuff.

I hope you all have a good night tonight. Take care of eachother. Until tomorrow!

[sappho-shalom]

conversion update!

so first of i just want to thank everyone for being so kind and supportive on my last post, it means so much! most of my experience with blogging on tumblr was like talking into a void so it’s really so cool to see so many people reach out to me and to be so helpful!

an update to the last post, i did manage to finish the first 5 chapters and complete the sort of “study guide” my rabbi sent to me, so now i’m onto the next 5! i told him about my concerns with this particular book (and my struggles when it comes to reading in general) and he completely understood and assured me that the rest of the book really picks up and will be less “technical” if that makes sense. so far he’s absolutely right, it goes into more detail about things that i don’t already know (i think the biggest issue with the first 5 chapters was just having to read about a lot of stuff i was already aware of since i had been researching judaism for a bit at this point) and just seems easier to read.

my rabbi didn’t tell me to or anything but i am starting to ease myself into observing shabbos, i try not to go out and i put my phone and computer away on friday night which really helps me read and study! so far i’ve already finished a full chapter ^-^

another big thing, he gave me a siddur and recommended i do 2 blessings every morning! i’m not sure about the names or anything but they’re about the soul and body g-d gave to me! we read through them together and it was a really touching and powerful experience, especially as i struggle with my own self esteem and body image problems :]

i have a feeling that i will start going to friday night services soon which i’m really excited for! in the meantime, next week i’m planning on making challah and having a friend over for shabbos !

i think my number one concern right now is just my social anxiety, i love meeting with my rabbi and talking about things but i just have a really hard time with the actual talking part 😭 i fear that it makes me seem unenthusiastic or nervous about the conversion process when in reality i am super excited!!!

anyways that’s all i can think of right now, thanks again!

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Can you talk more about how you decided to convert through conservative judaism over reform and what the process was like for you? I've been going to a reform shul for a while, to the point where I know everyone who regularly comes and I also love our rabbi. It almost feels like a second home, but I realized recently that I think I agree more with Conservative views on halacha and would prefer converting through that stream, but I also don't wanna leave all the nice people I've met so far, and also the nearest conservative shul is over an hour drive away :( I thought I'd just convert through reform anyways but maybe talk about keeping a conservative level of observance for my conversion, but I feel like it would be dishonest to convert reform if I don't agree with their fundamental views on halacha and such. It's hard thinking about leaving the community I love, but I also feel that I'd get more of what I personally want out of Judaism from a conservative conversion. Would really love some advice on navigating this if you're willing!!

I'll preface this by saying that this is included in my FAQ, so if you want to check that out, you might get more information that I might have forgotten to include here.

What I fundamentally believe people should do in the conversion process is to do what is accessible to them. If reform is accessible to you, I don't see why you would have to upend yourself and leave behind your pre-established community.

To me, movement means very little. If you've converted halachically (which reform absolutely can do and does), you've converted. You can be a reform jew who follows or believes in a myriad of things - I doubt a rabbi is going to say, "now, I want to convert you, but you don't believe only in the Reform Positions, so it looks like you can't be converted." If anything, a rabbi would be thrilled to hear what your positions are and why. It reminds me of my ITJ class where the presenting rabbi asked if we believed in g-d or not. She literally balked about how none of us voted "no." She was amazed.

I only decided to convert through the conservative movement because it was the most accessible to me. Nothing about the conversion process changed because I chose conservative - I'm still working with a rabbi, I'm still engaged with my community, and I will stand before a beit din and immerse in the mikvah. If I could let you in on a secret... If movement didn't matter to others, I wouldn't even put which movement I'm affiliated with on this blog.One of the most important things in jewish conversion and jewish life in general is having a community. It sounds like you've found that - it isn't dishonest to be in community and to just be yourself (yes, even if you disagree with some aspects of different practices - two jews, three opinions, anyone?). Plenty of people in my conservative shul are more frum than others, and some are less frum. Even within your own movement, your practices will look wildly different than other jews of the same movement. In actuality, we're all starting from more or less the same starting point which is judaism. You have a lifetime to explore the mitzvot and see how you will practice. Nothing about that is inherently dishonest or disingenuous.

[hallelujahonmytongue]

I finally went to meeting for worship after meaning to for months but never actually going, and it was so nice! I am so out of practice at sitting in silence so my brain was going a mile a minute for most of it but G-d still managed to speak to me. I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never believe in G-d again, because that’s where I thought I’d end up since after I last lost my faith (which was over a year ago now) and it hurt so badly that I promised myself I’d never open myself up to that pain again. But I heard the still, small voice asking if that’s how one should go about love? Shutting oneself off to it for fear of pain? I wouldn’t think that about any other kind of love. As soon as I thought that I got all the classic feelings I get when I sense G-d’s presence. Which was nice. I’m still so burned from a year ago that I’m really, really scared of starting to pray again which makes me realise quite how horrible that time was. But I’m getting more open to stuff now. I should talk to the rabbi, anyway.

I was thinking about how I can reconcile the pain and suffering in the world with a G-d that I would want to pray to. I basically came to the conclusion that when G-d created the universe, they basically set the conditions for the laws of physics and they created the Earth such that there would be no pain or suffering. But like the midrash (I think it’s a midrash, might just be someone’s idea) that G-d took a breath in and in that space the world was created, when G-d moved out of the way so that humans could live, the perfect creation shattered like a clay pot. It’s the work of humans to fix the pottery, like tikun olam. The world is not meant to be this way, and we can fix it through human actions. When I pray to G-d I’m not praying that They will intervene in the world directly, because that’s not what They do. I’m praying so I have hope that things can be better and so that I will be spurred to action to make that better world. I forget which nun said it, but I don’t pray so that G-d will change the world for me, I pray so that G-d will change me for the world.

[gnothi-seayton]

I’ve been catching up on the “culturally Christian” discourse. I’m a bit disappointed that the most active posts are atheists going, “How dare you call me Christian?” instead of taking the opportunity to interrogate some aspects of themselves that are not as de-Christianized as they’d assume. I spent a large part of my youth trying to find those blind spots and I’m a second generation non-Christian.

But this points to what I see as one of the corner stones of Christian culture: emphasis of belief over practice. It started with Paul’s epistles where he introduced the centrality of faith. Jesus spoke of faith in the gospels, but not nearly as much as exhortations about how to live a moral life. Next, the Council of Nicaea established its creed, a series of “we believe…” statements that Christians still recite every week. Nicaea and every subsequent Council has laid down further obligatory sets of beliefs and anathematized anyone who refused to toe the party line. Christian states have made heresy a crime. Conversion became a prerogative. Many were killed because they refused to submit.

This emphasis on belief got cranked up to 11 in the Reformation. Where Catholicism teaches the importance of faith and works, Calvin taught sola fide, salvation by faith alone. Modern philosophy started around the same time and was self-consciously a merely intellectual exercise, unlike ancient philosophy. So when major breaks with Christianity came on the scene, it shouldn’t be a surprise they defined themselves with terms like “atheism” and “skepticism.” Their emphasis was also on (lack of) belief. Atheists evangelize their beliefs and are quick to ridicule any one for wrongthink. Politics are much the same, especially here on Tumblr.

Now contrast that with Judaism and Islam and other religions where relatively more emphasis is placed on correct practice than correct belief. There are certain doctrinal red lines, of course, but it doesn’t come up as often as the importance of prayer ritual (think of phylacteries or salat) or following certain behavioral rules (dietary restrictions, wearing certain clothing). Christian chauvinism tends to look down upon halakah and shariah as being backward or “medieval”. From an orthopraxy perspective, the Christian emphasis on highly specific doctrine might seem like a weird fixation.

I think it’s no coincidence that the Ethical Society was founded by a man who had once trained to become a rabbi. His organization focused on secular congregations and public outreach. Many of the culturally Christian atheists of the time were more interested in publishing tracts or debating Christian ministers.

So to think that even though you come from a Christian culture and perhaps were even raised actively in a church, that simply switching out one belief for another will radically transform who you are and how you interact with the world is incredibly naive. Start by looking at the ways in which you privilege belief over action in your life.

[nijjhar]

John 14v21-26:- Corruption by the Messianic Jews. Jesus set us FREE as M... John 14v21-26:- Corruption by the Messianic Jews. Jesus set us FREE as Mary Magdalene was of the 7 demons of Menorah. Co commandments from Christ Jesus. https://youtu.be/j8eQZzkUKOg Anti-Christ Popes and their stooges call themselves "Fathers" when we have One Father of our souls Elohim, Allah, Parbrahm, etc. Holy Gospel of our Supernatural Father Elohim, Allah, Parbrahm, etc., delivered by the First Anointed Christ, which in Punjabi we call Satguru Jesus of the highest living God Elohim that dwells within His Most beautiful living Temple of God created by the demiurge Potter, the Lord of the Nature Yahweh, Brahma, Khudah, etc. and it is called Harmandir or “Emmanuel” according to Saint John 14,21-26. Jesus said to his twice-born Labourers that he had employed in the Royal Vineyard of our Supernatural Father of our souls and not the once-born spiritually blind disciples of the Rabbis, a corruption by the Messianic Jews: “Whoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me; a corruption. Jesus came to set us FREE and not to bind us. Whoever loves me philosophically called “Philia Love” will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and reveal myself to him in “His Word”.” Judas, not Iscariot, said to him, "Master, (then) what happened that you will reveal yourself to us and not to the world?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Whoever loves me will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words, yet the word you hear is not mine called “InshJesus” but that of the Father called InshAllah who sent me. I have told you this while I am with you. The Advocate, the holy spirit, common sense that the illiterate people use, the Gentile uses that the Father will send in my name--he will teach you everything and remind you of all that (I) told you." Youtube channel - Truthsoldier I served in the satanic Iraq war. I openly am shamed for that and I asked for forgiveness for taking part in that war. I actually had my awakening while over in Iraq. My eyes were opened to the injustice of that war. The Iraqi people loved Saddam; they had whole stories with nothing but Saddam’s face on everything. Since then I have been speaking out against the US and ISRAEL on my Youtube channel. Here is my contribution:- Holy spirit, common sense, shatters the fetters of the dead letters, the Holy Books. If we have One God, our Supernatural Father of our souls, then there should be one Faith. In Christianity, Jesus said One Fold called the Church of God headed by One Shepherd, our Bridegroom Christ Jesus/Christ = Satguru Nanak Dev Ji, the Second coming of Jesus. Solid Proof; this Golden Temple is of the same size as the Holiest of Holy that used to be in Jerusalem and its Curtain held the Secrets of the Oral Torah = His Word was rendered from the Top, the Temple High Priests, to the Bottom, the village Rabbis off you go – Luke 16v16; Law and Prophets were till John and thus, everyone makes a direct approach to God through His Word = Logo = SATGUR PARSAD. So, these hireling Dog-Collared Priests and Mullahs, cannot give your account to God as the Rabbis used to give at Passover. So, they are "ANTICHRISTS" that have a following of the spiritually blind Super Bastard Fanatic Devils - John 8v44 -, Hindu, Jew, Sikh, Christian, Muslim, etc. Outwardly, and not spiritually inwardly. These spiritual selves Hindu, Jew and Christian, are never born like Christ, the Title and they never die but the tribal selves Judah, Levi, Jatt, Tarkhan, etc. were born and they will die. Thus, Jesus was born and Jesus died on the Cross and rose on the Third Day and NOT CHRIST, THE TITLE. Books:- ONE GOD ONE FAITH:- www.gnosticgospel.co.uk/bookfin.pdf Greatest Blasphemers and Killers Blair and Bush being considered by Anti-Christ Bishops for Nobel Peace Prize. Nobel Peace Prize should rather go to Assange and the Iraqi Journalist who threw both his shoes at the hypocrite Bush in Iraq. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qHdTpTXHvE&list=PL0C8AFaJhsWz7HtQEhV91eAKugUw73PW1 Christ Jesus was killed by the Temple High Priest Hypocrite/Blasphemer against the Holy Spirit and so are these Bush and Blair who at the backing of Jewish people in the USA destroyed one country after the other starting with the cradle of Humanity Iraq, the Land of the forefather of the Chosen People who are no more faithful to Abraham but has become sons of the Highest Satan Al-Djmar Al-Aksa. Blair and Bush’s blasphemies against Holy Spirit https://youtu.be/0WBYOmpDuCs American Jews are today – http://www.gnosticgospel.co.uk/GrimReaper.htm Destroying one country after the other, so that the scripture is fulfilled. Also, do not forget the partition of India and how the dirty hearted-British divided the homeland Punjab of the brave Jatt tribal soldiers who fought in the two World Wars for the British. Trinity:- www.gnosticgospel.co.uk/trinity.pdf

[onmymasa22]

When u were diagnosed at like 7 with an auditory processing disorder and at 20 with ADHD (which spoiler alert- usually goes together cuz adhd always comes with friends, POTS also usually has a seat at the table) and its 2am and u google auditory processing disorder symptoms for the first time and realize that the tiredness u feel from listening, that theres ppl who u just cant understand because of their speech pattern, and the fact that it can take u a WHILE till u can answer someones question and they think that there's something wrong with u is ALL connected to it.... and suddenly ur life makes more sense.

The little things in november

Clean laundry

Perfume

Teeshirts with funny quotes like "straight out of bais yaakov" and "surely not everybody was kungfu fighting"

Winterboots

I dont really celebrate thanksgiving, to me its a christian holiday with Mass, yes there is thanksgiving day mass. ppl came to america which didnt belong to them, killed ppl, and i guess said "lets eat". Not the most jewish. But taking a second

As i got older my family stopped doing thanksgiving when my parents learned that theres a thanksgiving day mass, making it kind of a christian holiday go to. And it always felt weird to me the idea of ppl coming to a country that was not assigned to them and kill ppl for it. We dont really do that.

Something that always bothered me why moshe seperated from his wife. If a man and a woman togetger is the holiest thing that can be. Rabbis and shir hashirim talks about that its completeness the most that can be. And to me, seperating is a christian thing.

The head of my department: so who do u want helping u with ur final exhibit project?

Me: rachel, shes the only teacher who believed in me from the beginning. She saw me working and said "wow, ur an artist" i was flying for a week, im still flying honestly

The head of the department: but we all believe in u. I gave u a really high grade, doesnt that tell u i believe in u?

Me: oh, that didn't even enter... thats like a guy saying "but i paid the mortgage, doesnt that tell u that i love u" like no- i need the gushy crap too

Clean laundry

Jacobs coffee the one in the green bottle that looks like little pebbles

Pottery

Finding canvases for your oil acrylic painting ideas

And gettting aculpture tools amd clay for pottery and sculptures.

Anyone know of a indoor place with good ventilation that someone can sit and oil paint

Interviewer: do u have any special skills?

Me: yes, my special skills range from the abi can name the title and singer of most songs three beats in.

Does anyone else feel like their brain remembers the weirdest things.

Weird skills

When u have a weird brain, u can name a song

that gloms onto all kinds of crap, u can listen to the radio and name the song and the singer three seconds in. And also

Skills i have that are totally unusable:

The ability to name the song and the singer three seconds into most songs in hebrew or english

I can name you all the generations from adam to moshe by heart and every parsha

What my memory includes

Hebrew and english songs, knowing the title and singer three seconds in and all the lyrics.

Every generation from adam to moshe.

All the parshios

Weird dvar torah ive heard over the years.

The quantum theory

The voice of everyone ive ever met befause i remember and can recognize someones voice more than their face.

One of my insecurities is being called tired. Having people tell me im a tired person. I do alot but i know i am. It takes me effort to understand what i hear in english. To try to understand what i hear in

Im that person who can name the title and singer of

When u realize ur friends pick up on things that u didnt notice u do. I was told i dont twist my neck. I move my whole body to face people when i enter the room.

U know whats interesting. When i made aliyah, for the first two years when anyone would ask me where i live, my answer was always everywhere. Because i never knew where id end end up sleeping. Id just aways have my backpack with a toothbrush. Sleeping everywhere from cars to bars to couches to benches to chairs stacked together. Outside, inside. Sober, drunk. Nights dancing, chilling, talking, drinking. I was just always along for the ride. Pants with holes from bonfires, clothes comfortable enough to chill in them for two, sometimes three day adventures. I remember laying on the floor, three arak shots in, being so happy i couldnt believe it. I also remember crying uncontrollably or being so numb, throwing up in the street, sleeping there till the busses started again cuz i really had nowhere to go.

Something really cool

So it always bothered me how moshe seperated from his wife. Like, thats a christian thing. We dont do that. Being married is holy. Sex is like the kodesh hakedashim. It says that miriam and aharon were saying that moshe should divorce

night id sleep in Jerusalem, tel aviv, ramat gan, yad binyamin, yad atan

[riverdamien]

When You Do Something Do It From the Soul!

"When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” – Rumi

    =============================

As we officially celebrate thirty years of ministry on the streets of San Francisco, I can honestly say these years have been a joy. Rumi remarked:

"Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of what you love!"

That pull has come from my love of Jesus of Nazareth, whom I encounter daily and night in the faces of each person I serve on the streets of San Francisco. This pull comes from being pulled into being a "Story Catcher."

William Broderick sums up the call of the streets in these words:

"Once you've heard a child cry out to heaven for help,

and go unanswered

nothing's ever the same again.

Nothing.

Even God changes..

We  have to be candles, burning between hope and despair,

faith and doubt, life and death,

all the opposites.

And in serving on the streets of San Francisco I have learned in the words of Richard Nelson:

“There may be more to learn from climbing the same mountain a hundred times than by climbing a hundred different mountains.”

Ta-Coates Nehist accurately said: "The streets transform very ordinary lives into a series of trick questions and every incorrect answer risks a beat down, a shooting or a pregnancy, none survive unscathed."

The streets transform lives in ways one can not even imagine, but through my relationship with Christ mine has been transformed into one of loving each person I meet as the broken body of Christ, and in the words of Elizabeth Gilbert, "You can measure your worth by your dedication to your path, not my your successes or failures!"  and in finding the secret to life, best described by Henry Moore:

"The secret to life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most important thing is--it must be something you can not possibly do!"

The journey to the Promised Land, the journey to freedom, which was the journey to God, was the task for Moses. Second-century Rabbi Tarfon put it similarly: "It is not up to you to finish the work of perfecting the world but neither are you free to avoid it!"

Over time I am often asked: "Do you love the Church!" I am seen as one who is not within the established church, and my journey from the beginning until now has been one of growing more and more in love with the Church, the body of Christ!  I am very, very privileged to be a priest! The streets have led me to authentic, profound, and very Anglican and Catholic practices, yet our practices of worship have little semblance with those of the traditional church.

We have incorporated our faith into a faith of the streets. Like Dorthy Day said:

“I prefer a church which is bruised, hurting, and dirty because it has been out on the streets, rather than a church which is unhealthy from being confined and from clinging to its own security.”

We continue our journey as "Story Catchers," listening to their stories, holding them without judgment, and not fearing to trust in Jesus. Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

------------------------------------------------

May the work of

“figuring people out”

Never replace the work of knowing people

And loving people

And giving them room

To confound

And inspire

And surprise me

---------------------------------------------------------

30th Anniversary Celebration

Victor’s Pizza

6 p.m.

November 9, 2024

WE ARE BEGGARS! WE REALLY NEED MONEY--Really Badly At the moment!

FOR FOOD, SOCKS, HARM REDUCTION AND OTHER SERVICES!

P.O. Box 642656

415-305-2124

temenos@gmail.com

pay pal

www.temenos.org

We are in desperate need now!

(Temenos and Dr. River seek to remain accessible to everyone. We do not endorse particular causes, political parties, or candidates, or take part in public controversies, whether religious, political, or social--Our pastoral ministry is to everyone!

==================

Temenos Catholic Worker

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

Dr. River Damien Carlos Sims, D.Min, D.S.T.

==========================

“People ask me why do you write about food,

and eating and drinking. Why don’t you write

about the struggle for power and security, and

about love, the way the others do? The easiest answer

is to say that, like most other humans I am hungry (M.F. Fisher!”

[yhwhrulz]

Worthy Brief - September 20, 2024

Prepare to be married!

Isaiah 62:5 For as a young man marries a virgin, so your sons will marry you. As a bridegroom rejoices over a bride, so your God will rejoice over you.

Revelation 19:7-8 Let us be glad and rejoice and we will give glory to Him. For the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has prepared herself. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white. For the fine linen is the righteousness of the saints.

Revelation 22:17 And the Spirit and the bride say, Come.

The last and most intimate metaphor for Messiah's relationship with us is as Bridegroom to Bride. For some, the Lord's intention to marry will be the most significant and wondrous purpose in all of Creation. The preparation for the wedding will be the most meticulous and profound of all historical processes, orchestrated by His Holy Spirit in cooperation with every devoted and expectant saint who ever lived.

Ancient wedding customs provide insight illustrating our preparation for the divine wedding ahead. In ancient times, acquiring a bride involved a transaction; a bride-price and a dowry were set and agreed upon in the betrothal of a young couple. Following this agreement, the bridegroom returned to His Father's house to build a domicile for his expectant bride while she anticipated her husband's return by preparing her wedding garments.

In parallel, our betrothal to our holy Lord, the beginning of our preparation for marriage, required the offering of His cleansing blood on our behalf. And before returning to his Father's house following his death and resurrection, Yeshua told his disciples, "In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself." [John 14:2-3]

It is clear that Yeshua expected his followers to understand the parallel to betrothal and marriage customs within their own culture and to apply that understanding to their own relationship with him. This applies to us as well. Anticipating our Bridegroom's return will awaken a deep excitement stimulating an intense desire to be prepared for him.

Your love for your Bridegroom will be expressed in your desire to be like him. That preparation is the work of the Holy Spirit within you, cleansing and transforming you through faith, good works, obedience, and prayer, the "fabric" of your wedding garment. Your joyful anticipation of his soon return will inspire the abiding, which prepares you for the heavenly announcement you've waited for all your life.

Shabbat Shalom and have a great weekend!

Your family in the Lord with much agape love,

George, Baht Rivka, Obadiah and Elianna (Missouri) (Baltimore, Maryland)

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Editor's Note: Dear friends — we are now booking in the following states. Alabama, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and Florida! If you know Rabbis, Pastors or Leaders who might be interested in powerful Israeli style Hebrew/English worship and a refreshing word from Worthy News about what’s going on in the land, please let us know how to connect with them and we will do our best to get you on our schedule! You can send an email to george [ @ ] worthyministries.com for more information.