#but i went w the absolute ending on that
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Me: 😐
My brain: what if you did a dread run where you romance minthara so you can see her ending
Me: 😠
#i romanced her my v first dread run#back when she was mildread bc i was worried a durge run would be too scary#so i gave her a goofy name to undercut any tension#but i went w the absolute ending on that#so i never got to chat w her at the reunion party#orig
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crick is a few years older than isaiah... what if he had very faint i was a little boy memories of isaiahs mom before she died oxo
#thinking sooo hard about it#really a blind leading the blind moment#they get along well honestly. crick enables isaiahs sadboy side where he just wants to mope about bad stuff in his life#and isaiah enables crick to actually get it out of his system because hes very active (destructive) about negative expression#isaiah isnt a crier hes a breaker. crick is a sogggggggggy drinker who just cries all day abt it#so theyre very cathartic left to their own devices#i think crick being like thank god my mom drove my dad off. hed probably be like your dad if he was still around#and isaiah goes i wish my mom was around to do that... and getting soggy about not having ever gotten to know her#so crick dredges up the faintst foggiest memories of knowing her before she died and isaiahs RAPT just RAPT#and it makes crick cry bc hes SUCH a mamas boy the idea of losting cathy like that makes him blubber#so they just blubber about it together#thats their whole dynamic LOL#its why they only ever let themselves be alone 1ce and they went on a wholeass sadboy road trip about it#then did NOT stay in touch after#bc its not. a very healthy friendship all things considered#its really great when hunter first leaves tho bc crick is the ONLY person who gets it. what isaiahs feeling#bc he and hunter werent together but he LOOOOVED him and crick had the same thing happen w d.alex when he left for college#and never ever came back. ever. he left for good the moment he got a foot out#ofc that comes around to isaiah and hunter absolutely end up together and crick and d.alex Do Not. dave never felt that way abt him so#but its for the best#cricks husband is VERY good for him. gideon is no nonsense and doesnt have time for moping#he whips crick into shape as his lil househusband instead LOL
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ooooooo you wanna listen to weed demon you wanna listen to weed demon so bad oooooooo
#record store bargain bin#genuinely one of the best stoner bands ive ever heard#they’re SO fun live. im kind of obsessed w their singer/bassist. last show we were at he went on this whole anti-conservative rant#he ended it with YEAH! EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR LEGAL RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA! AND A WOMANS RIGHT TO CHOOSE! i love jordan so much#like. absolute bare minimum but also like damn jordan i didn’t know it was like that hell yeah#he always gives us a discount on merch i think we might be weed demon’s favorite gay people#weed demon
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i love the orv webnovel comments. the moments where everyone goes from "ugh the yaoi fangirls are ruining the story" to "ok maybe the yaoi fangirls had a point" are the highlights of my day
#hsy calling kdj a wife#the couple clothes#the top/bottom discussion#but i think the best ones are the emotionally charged ones#yjh going feral after kdj dies to sys#kdj absolutely giddy and happy when yjh went to the demon realm and seeing him again#the entirety of 1863 arc tbh kdj just wanting a happy ending for every yjh 🥺🥺#yjh acting like a depressed widower every time kdj dies ;-;#FIRST REVISION#divorce arc#the end of the divorce arc where they finally introduce themselves 300 chapters later like they're in a romantic drama#0th turn#the lead up to sp vs yjh where kdj was so so close he was just within yjh's grasp he didn't have to leave them again anymore please let me—#yaoi fangirls taking w after w#orv#joongdok#they have even more moments i havent even mentioned
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looking @ old fic i started when i was 14/15 is so funny bc im realizing once again why i never mark fics as abandoned even if its been literal years since i've touched them. specifically i was checking docs for stuff i started and either did or didn't post to ffn.
and its like. nothing is bad??? like i can see where my outside-the-box ideal of fic writing comes from. not just fics but writing in general, i'm p sure. even if it's a total cliche plot setup, there are details on each that rly make it stand out like oh yeahhhhhh i did have this great idea once upon a time.
funny too bc was it executed well in prose??? no absolutely not i wrote like shit when i was 15. would i revive an idea one day and revise it to be less cliche or cringy while still keeping the stand-out elements??? yea maybe. i might. everything i'm currently working on that i started from 2021 up to now still holds my supreme interest, but like i'm not gonna say never.
esp since i write fic first and foremost for my own need and specifically what i like to read, it makes it impossible to consider an idea i've thought extensively about "not worth writing anymore". anyway not making this too long i jus found everything interesting to consider
#writing#this fic i pulled up from JUNE 2014 crazy was the old chosenshi au i was trying to write for a friend#i dont ship blue/silver and never will and thats prolly why i never finished it#but i do still like!! the idea of rocket!blue raised w silver and breaking free of tr while running the hoenn branch#no idea how i remembered bc it wasnt in the plot pts on the doc but she was gonna get sent to the battle frontier#to nab jirachi and have encounters w frontier brains and change her mind at the end of it all#hell i could go back and not make it ship fic at all - have silver be a little one-sided obsessed or#even jus like.. attached to blue as a rivalry like as a way to show her up at every turn#another fic around the same time was the old pokespe hs au where i changed all the dexholder's names for some reason#i have no idea where i was in reading spe bc i put lyra in for some reason and had the sinnoh trio even tho i never read past v2 of dp#idk if it was more gameverse or what but its so funny looking @ the ship list n seeing i had gold paired w black#bc i had manga!ss and manga!ferriswheel so was it rly speverse or was i projecting????#actually i think black was supposed to die and gold was gonna go thru this whole thing abt grieving#looking at the ship list so funny bc i never shipped gold/crys or entourageshi#and clearly i did not know the superiority of pmshi if i threw lyra in jus for silver#god but i do love (most!) of the alt names i gave them#would absolutely fuck up the ship list if i ever redid it tho#also have perfectworld tho im sure i have the most recent rewrite on pen and paper somewhere#that one i also gave up bc the idea i had for flare!sycamore was cringe along with#every time i went back to work on it enough time passed that i thought my writing sucked#i rewrote that damn thing so many times but oooooooo i still love the idea#as long as i changed the cringe parts to smth better i could still rock w most of these#that fic rly had everything... psychic!korrina. leaf/serena. sycamore hacking the secret to mega evo. lys/syc that ends in failure#bc of the ending line i will never forget > only in a perfect world could you and i be together. destined and doomed from the start#im rambling n im boutta run outta tags gimme a sec
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i signed for a new apt today 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
#it went crazzyyyyy fast#i just went to view it and then ended up signing a lease#ill probably reblog w pics later because its the most BEAUTIFUL APARTMENT IVE EVER SEEN#i HAD to sign righ then and there bc i absolutely did not want to loose this place
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gotta love having a domino-like flareup of every single chronic illness and comorbidity u have to the point of being debilitated by pain and weakness and totally bedbound bc of it but also having a brain that wont stop screeching bc ur body wont let u keep meds (or almost any sustenance) down so ur off the thing that keeps u sane oh and also ur insanely dehydrated now and havent slept in going on 5 days and if ur stupid meatsuit doesn't allow u to rest v v soon ur gonna end up in a hospital like the last time this happened
#fun fact if u dont sleep for long enough ur internal organs and body processes start to shut down !#oh and also ur heart and bp get Real Fucked Up abt it !!#it makes u feel like ur having a heart attack and in fact u can and will absolutely have one if they dont drug tf out of u !!!#gr8#cool cool cool pls end me#everything hurts and i would like to choose death tyvm#fuck#anyway#ask to tag#im too exhausted to assess possible content warnings#so lmk#fun fact: the longest i went w/o sleep due to a health flareup / crisis was 7.5 days#i almost died#they thought my heart was gonna give out fr#yikes#uh#ya rly what do i tag this as my cognitive functioning sucks rn#health#just lmk what u want it tagged as ppl i'll do that
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saw a starfish on the beach today & was absolutely ENAMOURED - literally 3 of us were just squatting over this tide pool watching him move
#stream#omg i just remembered i was the last 1 to change / shower & i had just walked back from the cold ass shower thing to rinse off the salt &#punya came over & he was like ‘brother …’ & i was like what ? & he went 😏🫴#& i asked what do u want me to give u ?? ‘a cigarette u motherfucker’ ‘u know what i would love 1 TOO bitch but GUESS who smoked them ALL b#it WASNT ME !!!’ 😭😭😭😭 AKSJAKSKAKSKKSKSKAKSLSKSL#& NOW I DONT EVEN HAVE A VAPE BC OF THE FREAK BRIT THAT JUST WALKED OFF W IT#i’m still not upset abt it i’m more so just bewildered ? just shocked ? like i didn’t even care to try to get it back i was just like ok ?#i’m still shocked by it bc it’s just so#COMICAL ? LIKE ??? 😭😭😭😭 did neither of us speak english like 2 entirely different messages weren’t sent#LIKE ITS NOT A DISPOSABLE THIS IS A RECHARGABLE REFILLABLE VAPE#it was just 20£ & getting 2 disposables are also 20£ from the off license & i used literally like 80 ? 100ml ? in it ? so saved money#regardless but i did buy a pack of pods but 1 of the 3 that i used didn’t end up working & that was the third on it excluding the original#battery & those are 10£/pack so 30£ overall for what would equivalently be like idk probably around 10 of those 5k off license vapes which#would yea be 120quid so including the price of the vials themselves it’s 3-for-10£ used 5#so that’s 50£ bs 120£ even w the cost of a new device say + 30 that’s still only 3/4 of the price of what it would be using dispos which ar#cheaper than cigarettes REGARLESS#even the 30/120 that’s still u know literally a quarter of the cost it’s just a bigger upfront cost but it’s significantly cheaper long ter#STILL SAVING MONEY …. i say as if addiction isn’t inherently a waste of money but u see to that argument i budget it like food bc that’s ho#addiction works it’s just going to continue & ur going to include it in the budget as if it’s a PHYSICAL NECESSITY TO LIVE#to be fair sometimes it is lol like bro i couldn’t stop drinking w/o being in a hospital bc alcohol withdrawls can literally kill u#like my blood pressure was over 180 at 1 point when i was detoxing in hospital 😭😭😭😭😭#SCREAM#anyway#forget that#happy new year 2024.5 😍😍😍#my new year starts now fuck u the first half was just warm up#could i stop smoking if i wanted to ? yes ! will i ? absolutely fucking not !#IM ALLOWED THIS AS A TREAT#THAT I INHALE LIKE OXYGEN: CONSTANTLY
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etoiles going "its not that far away" and jaiden pausing before glancing at the coordinates and- "DOES IT SAY 200000 BLOCKS???"
#watching qsmp vods#ramblings#sun qsmp posting#i know today is like. event! lore! busy busy! but im still playing catch up w vods#also i joined jaiden stream just as she turned it to the ending screen so i really just went back to vods#my list of things to draw is growing longer and longer by the day.#i also just found out that i have an assignment due in a week. if i could i would absolutely drop out of my course wtf
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Seb's little scrunched up face under the helmet is so cute 🥺🥺
#i cant believe i discovered the joys of cutesy collage templates at the end of jan but still never posted them#ig i feel like im being lazy if i were to post collages but STILL i went insane over them#i had a bout where i was just freaking out and making a bunch of cutesy collages good times :)#but if you guys like this one lmk i will post more :D#theres polaroid and film roll templates and it felt like i discovered a fkn cheat code sjfklfl#but anyways SEB IS SO CUTE AAAAAAA#every time i see any pic of him like this w his cute scrunched up eyes under the helmet i go absolutely insane#(also i am trying to pick a new pfp and its absolutely impossible so i made this instead lol)#sebastian vettel#formula 1#f1#sv5#we do a little bit of f1
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tav shri’iia is THE canon for me obvi but I also really like the idea of tav wren with yves still being part of the dead three as bhaal’s chosen. the thing with wren is that he was yves’ childhood friend who was pursuing his bard career and severely flopping. one night when he was supposed to escort yves home from the graveyard he chose to perform in some tavern instead, and that night is when the bhaalists came and killed her. for him, one of his closest friends just went missing the night he was supposed to look after her, and when she returns 2 weeks later all beaten up and bloody with no memory of herself ofc he felt guilty….! and he couldn’t even bear to look at her because it’s all his fault u know … if only he didn’t ditched her maybe this wouldn’t have happened so one night he just decides to leave bc he couldn’t take it anymore. it’s always been his dream to be a travelling bard anyway and maybe his career will pick up in some other city than baldur’s gate, so he leaves her and his home and sets out to salvage what he can of his career. and in the most part he was mildly successful. he also ends up making a pact with some fae and they help with his bard career too lol but the guilt of yves is still in his mind- he just got better at ignoring it.
SO. imagine his surprise when he gets tadpoled and goes to moonrise to find a cure and he sees his friend - the girl that’s been haunting his dreams and the source of his guilt and shame - a part of the evil cult that’s been enslaving people with parasites. and now he’s meant to kill her? but how could he when he’s the one who left her behind and maybe it’s his fault that she turned out like this … but anyway I love the idea of wren being like noooo that’s NOT yves she would never do that!! and they’re just like girl ur delusional ur friend is literally chopping people up forcing us to find the parts like some treasure hunt
#but durge era yves is so similar to glados to me where she is so mild about everything and instead of forcing you to test#she forces you to figure out the murder mysteries around the lower city and present ur case in the murder tribunal#like as she says. the only thing better than murder is getting away with it and what’s more fun than to watch someone figure out the puzzle#you set for them u kno 🤭🤭#and her proposition to ally w her is that she wants u to figure out the whole absolute ploy and how it started and what role she plays#and the only way to get those answers is to break in gortash’s place which betrays his trust … so it’s like a fun whodunit for her..!!#also i think wren finds out what actually happens to her that night .. learning that his real friend died and got replaced with this other o#other one who’s essentially just wearing her skin … reconciling with the truth that if he was with her she would’ve lived … killing this#yves for his friend so she can have some peace finally .. etc etc. it’s really about ween#wren*s survivor’s guilt bc I like to imagine they had another friend who he left with to look after yves#and when he finally returned after how many years he learns that friend has been dead (bc yves killed him) and allegedly yves’ mental#health went downhill when their friend died so she had to be sent away#which in truth she just left for the bhaal temple lol#anyway just thinking abt this three.. def wanna do a wren playthrough one day ..!!#also their other friend’s name is pan (full name xaphan) and they’re a tiefling but idk abt their appearance yet#making them a tiefling so yves’ first kill post lobotomy links back to her og friends where - if#it’s alfira she’s a bard like wren and tiefling like pan … but honestly pan could be Dragonborn too if she ends up killing quill lol#shut up about bg3.#bg3
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sometimes i just think about poe and it's like. i can't believe you mean this much to me? literally ahead of tfa i just kept scoffing at the descriptions of him, completely expected to be benevolently annoyed with him or meh at best and didn't understand why everyone went off abt how oscar was attractive (like i could tell objectively, but it's rare that i find someone subjectively attractive on a deep level), and then i just. saw poe for the first time on screen in theaters and that was it. instant attraction, and then a few minutes later realizing that oh, no i'm genuinely in love with this man. instant ride or die, we just clicked. i got him on a deeply intimate level just from those few minutes of screentime he has in the movie, that nothing about him following that ever surprised me? just. yeah that's him this makes sense.
and i remember writing what was absolutely self-insert masquerading as canon where r.ey was his best friend and i genuinely meant for it to be platonic but i kept accidentally writing a little bit something more and i genuinely think looking back on it that i probably had a crush and a squish on poe? and he may have started queerplatonic, leaning on alterous (if i'm understanding the term right). like it wasn't straight platonic because i genuinely had/have such a crush on him but it definitely wasn't straight romantic at the time either (and i still have moments where i'm like. yeah i'm definitely feeling qp feelings for him and not romantic ones). and then sometime in 2017, something I guess shifted and I wrote in an oc into that same fic who had a history with him and they both still had feelings for each other and they kissed at the end of the story but didn't wind up with each other, and then i started reading reader fic for him that same year and was like. oh I actually don't mind the idea of kissing him....i kinda wanna. and i also don't mind the idea of a relationship if it's with him, i even want it?
and like ofc things went sideways from there. i stopped reading fic bc my friend made fun of me for reading it and i felt like i was doing smth "wrong" and then the gaslighting of everyone hating him in t.lj when i didn't also severely impacted my ability to be able to enjoy him properly without trying to fold up my actual opinions to 'fit in' more and feeling anxious and not getting to enjoy it, but he was still such a cornerstone of comfort for me at the time. i even wrote my first reader fic in late 2018 to get some comfort from how awful things were in my personal life and it was of him. and then t.ros happened and the fandom got so toxic along w some friend stuff that my spin in poe almost broke (or so i thought), but like?? i spent the whole next year constantly drawn to things that reminded me of poe....read a book that was compared to the st and him a lot....bought a lot of orange things without thinking about it, developed a crush on a character that's like. basically poe with the serial numbers scratched off. all until i found my way back to him at the end of 2020 🥰 and after that i started embracing reader fic again and my romantic feelings for him and then lmao the physical/sexual attraction came in like a wrecking ball shortly thereafter which was New To Say The Least, but.
eeee i don't know i ended up gushing a lot about him but i just. sometimes i really think about the journey i've had with him, and how much good he's genuinely brought into my life. i get to feel all these emotions i never thought i would!! because of him!!! i get to explore new avenues that i wouldn't be interested in or comfortable in pursuing even mentally bc of him!!! he's helped me work through various triggers for my trauma bc they feel safe with him involved? and most importantly - i wouldn't know any of my lovely friends or partners if it wasn't for him? i stuck around in the fandom bc of poe, and that lead me right to my queerplatonic partners and family. i genuinely would not!! be the same person today if i had not fallen in love with that silly flyboy december 20th 2015!!! and isn't that just love in a nutshell?
#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don't normally gush but i'm heavily caffeinated rn moreso than i've been in months#i just!!!!!!!!! i cannot believe!!!#sometimes i worry when i like. mildly dissociate thinking about him and my love/interest in him bc one time that genuinely broke a spin bc#i realized it was not doing anything for me positively. but with poe everytime i'm just like#my life would genuinely not be as joyful as it is if it weren't for you. i would not be who i am today if it wasn't for you.#(tch. might not be here generally speaking)#i just. i really went from scoffing at him to 'oh no he's hot' to 'oh i'm in love' to 'i want to be his best friend in a really intimate#way' (cos i didn't know what qp/alterous was at the time) to 'i might want to kiss him but i wouldn't imagine myself w him'#to 'oh. actually i don't mind thinking about kissing him or being in a relationship w him. actually i /want/ that.'#to having to swallow my feelings for him to be diplomatic/avoid conflict for two years while still utterly adoring him and being in love w#him to subconsciously finding my way back to him!!!!!#and deciding with grim determination i'd continue loving him as much as i wanted no matter what anyone else said and YES that meant getting#kiss him on his pretty mouth. and shipping my self insert with him PROPERLY where they end up together.#and then realizing stuff that's less pg-13!!!! but no less mind blowing. like i had THAT setting. what the hell.#i just. what a journey.#he's my sweet flyboy my absolute beloved my best friend my starlight i love him to pieces u guuuuuuuuuuuys#i've had a lot of comfort characters over the years and a handful of special interests - none of them have meant as much to me as poe#he is genuinely a part of me and who i am he's my soulmate and i wuv him#okay i'm done#nym speaks#flyboy 🧡
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oh btw i get even more why brennan (like me) clocked sophomore year fabian as fucked up and sad even if some of the other pcs were like "what are you talking about dude" . it's because the basic core theses of fabian and leiland eftbk as characters are actually pretty similar
#AND matt mercer was like 'yes absolutely. my character has so many issues' meanwhile b4 lou could even say anything siobhan/adaine#went 'fabian isnt depressed his life rules.'#which like. 1) deeply incorrect statement. 2) fairly in character for adaine to say. 3) unfortunately this caused#a pretty big shift in tone w regards to how seriously fabian's arc ended up being executed#2.5) i could write a whole other post on how point 2 could be a super interesting thing to explore w adaine#she starts off so aware of there being no love from her parents towards her. so she sees love between a parent and a child#and cant conceptualize their relationship being ultimately harmful. like she learned long ago that there was no point seeking approval from#her parents meanwhile fabian made it his whole entire life's goal to do just that thing. both of them are fucked up in opposite directions.#crunchy concept yet very unexplored. and i'm not expecting this to happen in a potential s3 im just throwing ideas around like basebal#d20#eftbk#fantasy high#sorry wrote all those tags then forgot to elaborate on how fabian and leiland are similar anyway it's this whole idea of#having this unhealthy dependency on the approval of someone you admire to the ends of the earth despite them being#fully and clearly a toxic influence on you. The whole illusion of inflated self worth howthat all crumbles when you Realize how fragile you#whole entire worldview was. and THEN you have an embarrassing breakdown in front of ur friends#and this is SO terrifying because you have really tried your best to look really cool and put-together in front of them#it's the 'getting knocked down SO hard and having to build yourself up by recognizing the love from your friends#+finding something completely different from the person you hinged your entire being on in order to find your way to the surface' of it all#also galfast/whitclaw are surprisingly similar narrative wise it's so funny to me. th storytelling series of nat 1s against an op enemy </3#i think it WAS easier to execute leiland's character arc in the way it was bc a) he was played to be so CLEARLY insecure from minute 1#and b) it is very easy to condemn ripoff sauron and say 'yeah this guy sucked and we're glad that leiland and maggie are free from him'#meanwhile for fabian. a) he has convinced himself that nothing is wrong with him even though there so clearly is#and b) you have to acknowledge that bill loved his son so deeply yet was such a bad influence on him#it's such a bittersweet-bitter complexity and i imagine it would be super hard to pull off esp when bill and fabian's dynamic is#played as fairly comedic most of the time. in this vein of 'this evil guy is so evil but he cares about his son this hard and it's funny'#and also just the fact this kind of bitter complicated parent-child dynamic is very rarely portrayed and pulled off well.#WHY the fuck are these tags so long if you read all this i'm so sorry
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WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA just remembered the bestest pokemas event ever <3
#THE ME/BEDE EVENT!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY LIFE CHANGING I RECOMMEND 100%#actually at that time i was WAYYYYY too excited abt it bc i had been waiting for when i came out for a year and a half? yeah DKHSJDHAJDJAHS#also that came out at the end of the school year and they let us be w our phones during school and stuff. man i went so fucking........#FR THO IT WAS SOSO FUNNY!!!!!!!! silliest event ever <3#wtv tf happening between me and hugh was peek comedy no one can change my mind fkshdjsk#and wally was just there having to stand us both poor guy........#AND I GOT TO TALK W MARNIE!!!!!!!! she was so fucking helpful man thank u queen ily 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#AND HOP!!!!!!!! he was soso meanies to me we were divorced back then (we still are)#GOD it was just sm fun....... i wld pay a thousand hundred bucks to read it again sniffles :')#luckily at some point it'll come out again so!! i'll be there to read it >:3
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I just realized we didn't get Death Game this season either. i see .. Well that's okay *deflates like a balloon*
#kyuushi#I'M SAYING THIS IN A JOKING TONE BTW im literally So grateful for all that we did get during this season#I MEAN WE GOT PLENTY CHARACTER INTRODUCTIONS SO I RLY CAN'T VOICE ANY COMPLAINTS ON THAT DEPARTMENT LMAO#But like....</33333 My DEAREST LITTLE GUY.. MY DARLING BABY ANGEL !!!! (<- spoken abt a literal game console)#me w/ a completely altered reality perception: Ok if they animate the shitty game chapter+establish Drаluc's collaboration w/ Autumn Books#then Naturally what should come next is DG's introduction right??? :△ (<- Misplaced Confidence)#ngl i was pretty much convinced we'd be seeing him animated this time ‚ i feel like a real fool now HSJQJFJ That's on me tho ofc#'nyways .. weepweep sobsob I can't believe S2's over already!! those past months sure flew by! ( ; ω ; )#I can already feel a TVDINT-shaped hole forming in my TVDINT-shaped heart all over again . just like when S1 ended 🤧#i'm holding out for a 3rd Season confirmation already tho!! Let us hope that we get some news abt it in the future🤞🏼#Then again i should probably catch up w/ the one that just ended first before that time comes 🧍 HKJAWHSJF#i wanna marathon the hell out of it so bad . . . Hopefully i'll have some time to do it soon !#wondertext#Nostalgia aside tho; everyone involved did an absolutely Remarkable job throughout this season once again‚ im still marvelling over it#I srsly cannot be thankful enough for all the arduous work they put into bringing us this new season :'3 I cherish it greatly#i kinda went off on a tangent there oops. Anyways i hope my boy DG makes it into S3 in the future‚ hashtag DEATHGAMESWEEP‼️‼️#tvdint spoilers#kyuushi spoilers
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kompenscovery was such a blessed secret entrance to a Whole Deal (winnie n tay. & i guess billions) when like. having the most specific, correct opinions, and being me, = the ideal is [nobody else try to talk to me about winston billions] and that’s just where we’re at. this is an exclusive experience
#talking to myself / making the wisdom Available by nailing my text posts (and drawings) to the church doors but then i walk away#meanwhile also of course the hero who permits [my monologuing abt winston all the more behind the scenes] w/o being sick of it after 9000hrs#i think probably other people talk abt winston but not in ways i'm interested in. Except absolute rando twitter billions viewers#this like 60 or 70 yr old lady from twitter who Loves winston. and presumably through the will roland angle lol she went to bway bmc....#just other one off tweets abt ppl like yeah he's one of my / the fave. um hell yes my scholar#or no wait lmfao like again i'd talk about this w/beth roland in theory lmfao. maybe even also hero & scholar & relevant party william#the niche on niche on niche like. looking into deh As Jared Kleinman Lore. liking an actor's je ne sais quoi & scrambling when finding out#that his upcoming bway role is Thee Lead thank you very much....the dramatic fateful saga that was [ending up watching the then available#clips from billions which was up to kompenso]....finding the peak specific peak titrated peak Exact Enrichment gift lol#beyond that i don't see [media enjoyment / takes] as much of like a springboard for Broader Socializing or anything. it Can be ig but.#that's not the goal & not the expectation. at this point reflecting on Myself & My Experiences & My Heart's Truth lmfao i'm like#beyond [i don't think i'd enjoy A Friend Group in actuality] to [i don't think i'm that interested in Friends] series or concept lol#open to whatever & flexible or whatever but eh. already i like Impersonal & Parallel activity & doing my own thing perhaps amongst others#i like impersonal but amicable spontaneous; fleeting exchanges. doing xyz ''alone'' amongst other people.#i like Not having to people please & i'm autistic so i'm generally gonna be considered [unlikable / impersonable / too much / etc] adhd too#although it's not that specific like it goes for Anything. i don't want ppl to talk to me abt [xyz] lol#request a mini monologue / short essay sure but other than that#this isn't a forum....here's the posts left on the door. one can try the anchorite window or sending a letter. doing my own thing yknow#the secret here is ''i mean i like to talk to people but; i actually in practice tend to not like to talk to people'' lmfao#one can check back when many things are more on my own terms / suited to me but. buffering wheel / flipping hourglass mode
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