#but i want to go back 2.5 years ago and hit past me with a hammer 2 row 3 color stripes in the round was a STUPID IDEA

[nine-fingered-entity]

annoying myself into working on this knitting project i dislike (stripes. stripes were a mistake) by putting on my desk in the Way so i will work on it so i can someday finish and get it Out of the Way. follow me for more productivity hacks.

[fostercare-expat]

Social worker updated that the official decision is that both boys will stay in care, not return home. No surprise there.

The case will now be transferred from Investigation to Intervention. Mom and Boyfriend will be required to attend counselling from a domestic violence centre and the boys will start attending therapy. No surprises there. I could have told you that on Day 2. No need for 2.5 months to figure that out.

I asked for a timeline and she said it will likely be another month before the new social worker in the Intervention department is assigned and then only then will they talk to Mom and boyfriend about the plan. The other foster family and I both want to hear what Mom’s attitude will be and if she says she wants to do the work to get the boys back home or if she says she is ok with them staying in the foster care system. Because the other family doesn’t want to be a long term placement for Older Brother and they figure if the plan is to him to stay in the system long term, that he may as well go to a group home now. But they might be willing to do another 6 months. We asked the current social worker how long she thinks the Intervention phase will be and she said realistically a year but ideally 6 months. But everyone is stuck in a holding pattern for another month until the new social worker is assigned. I don’t even think the therapy can start yet. But the good news is that Younger Brother is a cutie awesome kid with a delightful sense of humour who runs into my arms every day when I come home from work and loves swimming in the pool and hang out with my Younger Daughter and all her friends. Yes, parenting is stressful but he deserves it and I’m capable of doing it for another year if needed. I don’t know that I’m capable of parenting Older Brother for another year, but I definitely can do Younger Brother.

In other news, my former husband was flipping out yesterday about a loan I gave my helper from our shared money. He already knew about the loan several weeks ago and even said at the time to make sure if she needs more money that she ask us for more instead of going to loan sharks. He’s confused about how much she has borrowed vs been paid so I spent 30 minutes making him a spreadsheet on Excel because he has a degree in Finance and that’s his sort of thing. He was flipping out so much that he couldn’t even understand the spreadsheet. He kept shouting at me on the phone and I was calmly asking him not to speak to me that way and I will explain it to him, and he would apologise and take a few breaths to calm down but then a few exchanges he was back to yelling at me. He’s generally not someone who yells. I’ve known him 19 years and he’s yelled more in the last year than he has in the past 18 years. Yesterday his behaviour was so irrational that I came to several realisations:

1) Generally I say that he and I get along very well. That is not the case lately.

2) His behaviour is connected to his stress about starting a business and about money. But it’s being reflected towards me and it’s irrational. I don’t need to spend a lot of time and effort accommodating his irrational demands around 10 year old boys potentially abusing his daughters or get scolded about our shared money when I literally already asked his permission in writing.

3) For the time being, I need to just shift him to a smaller corner of my life and let him fight a battle against his own demons without letting it leak over to me. I don’t need to co-parent as closely as I have been. I won’t make any dramatic announcements about it. I’ll just communicate way less and pay less attention to the irrational stuff.

4) I’ve gently warned the girls that Daddy is having a stressful time and he might be miserable to be around sometimes and they can talk to me about anything and I’ll help. (He would never hit them, I’m confident in that. But he might shout a lot or stomp out of the house or generally lose it in front of them, which would be scary for them.)

5) He will return to his normal self eventually. He normally treats me with kindness and respect, even for most of the 7 years we have been broken up. I’ll be patient, with some healthy boundaries, and this will pass. He did apologise several times on the phone yesterday. So he’s aware that he’s losing it. And he says he’s going to therapy. He’s just struggling and I have the benefit of not needing you getting sucked into it.

[fountainpenguin]

FOP Fic News

Overview

I’ve always had table of contents docs for projects like Origin and Knots, and since I’m returning from hiatus, I recently moved them to a spreadsheet and mapped out what dates I should plan to upload chapters on and how long it will take me to finish these stories. I went through lots of docs with a critical eye and combined or cut chapters to get a better idea of how things are looking.

Posting at my current schedule of one chapter every other week, it looks like  Origin and Knots will come to an end in 2025 (if I stay on top of my buffer) and although that feels so far away, there’s a certain relief in it since my combining and cutting helped me bring that down from 2026.

That schedule doesn’t leave wiggle room for other projects like Come What May, the 130 Prompts, and work for my other fandoms that I’ve been drafting over the years. I don’t really like the idea that if I wrap up Origin and Knots in 2.5 years, I’ll still have another several years of Prompts left to go. I always knew these were big projects and working on them made the long years of school more fun, but it’s always been my intention to finish them, and I’d rather do that sooner than later. After all, I’m still sitting on pieces I wrote in 2016 about Cavatina, and 2026 isn’t as far away as it seems... The idea that the 10-year anniversary of his arc might hit before I actually post it leaves me shook, my dude.

I’ve given it some thought and realized that if I post 130 Prompts on the weeks between Origin and Knots chapters, I can wrap the series up in 2026, maybe 2027. I can live with that a lot more than I can live with the idea of working on this project past 2030, ha ha.

In other words, I’m setting a goal of a ‘fic update every Friday, starting soon (I’ve got the next Prompt done, but I’m sitting on it for a sec to build the buffer out farther). There might be some Fridays where there’s nothing, but keep your eyes out for things that interest you. I hope you enjoy :)

--

130 Prompt Details

So, many of you are probably familiar with my FOP one-shot series, 130 Reasons Why I’m Fairy Trash. I've had all the 130 Prompts planned out for years, but I lost interest in some of those plans as time went on (Not the big plot stuff, that's still the same, but some minor standalones).

I recently went through my docs to refresh my memory on what’s to come. I had some vague ideas that I never fleshed out and realized that I never will, so I’ve scrapped those. I also had stuff I scrapped years ago, but fell in love with the drafts all over again and am eager to see them finished off.

In 2022, I took an FOP and Tumblr hiatus to focus on other things like my IRL job and personal projects, and I couldn’t maintain the spark of inspiration for FOP at the same time. Mostly, the reason for that was just that I was busy and was putting my time and creative energy into other projects, and I simply didn’t have time for both. I didn’t realize until now, but I think I also felt pressure to create something big and meaningful with what I submitted, and I became paralyzed with thoughts of putting out something “boring” or “weird” and facing critique that my work was confusing or unenjoyable.

Anyway, while recently looking through my WIPs, I remembered the 130 Prompts were always meant to be a series of short side stories and that there’s nothing wrong with dorky little one-offs. I don’t need to put pressure on myself to turn everything into a polished 10k+ story when just a few thousand words will do, or overthink the humor and flow to the point I talk myself out of doing something.

I spent some time a bit ago looking over my stuff and making a new plan for the order I want to post things in, and it feels much more achievable to me now. I’m excited to get back to it. Hoping to post some dumb and silly things more often because “I had an idea and it made me laugh” is valid.

--

Stuff Getting Scrapped / Kept

I’ve realized that I’m not going to write Identity Theft and Acacia Arcadia as standalone ‘fics. I scrapped some scenes and the rest will be recycled into 130 Prompts to replace the ones I cut. I’ve set my plan up so that the next Prompts in line are ones that have solid drafts and I’m excited to work on, so I’m hoping to get on a regular posting schedule with those soon, alternating weeks with Origin and Knots.

Hawthorn Haven and Devil’s Backbone will prrrobably still exist as their own ‘fics someday when the time is right, as when I first made their outlines, I was already prepared to work on them “when I’m older.” I don’t feel the same pressure to finish them. I’m still looking forward to them, but they’re in “Can’t talk about these things until we’re in that point of the timeline” jail. I’ve always intended for Devil’s Backbone to be the end of my FOP writing days, so it’s on the backburner for obvious reasons, but when the time does come to close out all the stories and wonderful worldbuilding, I hope it’ll be a blast.

I do still have a draft for a ‘fic called Along the Cherry Lane which focuses on Timmy and his friends growing up, marrying, having kids, etc. but that’s on the backburner for now too. I’m not sure if I want to keep it, but also not ready to let it go. If I do let it go, I’ll find a place for the scenes I liked within the Prompts or I’ll post one or two one-shots instead of the whole ‘fic. I do intend to get back to Come What May once I get the spark back for it and I might even return to Snips and Snails... who knows.

--

Tl;dr

I still have several years of FOP content that I plan to release, as I’ve never wanted to abandon these stories I love. I knew I was starting big projects and I knew they would take me years to finish, but as my 10-year anniversary of writing FOP ‘fics creeps nearer and nearer... Yeah, there’s a certain part of me that's ready to jump back into a schedule and see if I can wrap up all three of these big projects by the time I hit that mark. Crazy how it’s been so long.

Currently I have an Origin / Knots ‘fic buffer through the end of June. We’re entering the phase of the story where the drafts are pretty solid, which means they hopefully won’t take long to polish. Exciting!

--

The Schedule

Throughout 2023, you can expect Origin and Knots to alternate weeks. These two ‘fics are main priority in my ‘fic-writing life, so they get buffer priority and I intend to keep up with this goal as best I can. If all goes according to plan, we should be wrapping up towards the end of 2025. I hope to see y’all there :)

I’ll be sprinkling in updates to other projects throughout the “off” weeks. Sometimes there might be no update at all, and I’m okay with that because the “off” weeks are simply meant to be “If there is something, it can be shared” weeks. I’m not holding myself to posting at those times in the same way I’m holding myself to keeping Origin and Knots on schedule, but I look forward to getting to share some fun things like 130 Prompts, more Come What May chapters, miscellaneous one-shots, and content for other fandoms.

Even if I stay consistent, I definitely don’t expect to wrap up the 130 Prompts until 2026 or 2027, and that’s okay. These next few years will be busy, but I’m looking forward to forming a healthy work-life balance- there’s a certain value that a scheduled writing system has in helping you look forward to the next creation you get to share... It makes the work week a little bit nicer.

--

Closing

As a reader, your interest in silly fairy fanfics might come and go, but thank you so much to those who’ve loved my work over the years, reblogged posts, left reviews, sent Asks, chatted with me, and so much more.

Also, thank you to those who’ve left me kudos on AO3. I still get emails every time there are kudos, and while I don’t track how many kudos my little stories receive in this old, quiet fandom, it is really cool to see how much love has been given to some of the short pieces I wrote 6 or 7 years ago.

As the years have gone by, it’s been a good reminder that people have really liked some of those pieces that I don’t think about as often as my longer stuff. I don’t need to psych myself out worrying that my quick one-shots aren’t good enough... I’m looking forward to posting some short things again soon.

Thank you for the love and support! I hope you enjoy what’s next <3

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Time for another installment of a couple games that irritated me and a couple that are good actually. Or maybe it's the first installment of that? I'm not keeping track.

Ori and the Blind Forest went on sale incredibly cheap, and I had been meaning to try it out for a while, so I finally did. It looks great, it sounds great, and I was enjoying the exploration part of it, but the combat is meh at best. I could've gotten over that probably, but the checkpoint system where you have to manually make your own if you ever want to save just does not work for me. I'm either going to forget to make one forever because ADHD and then lose half an hour of progress or waste resources making them way too often, or what actually ended up happening was saving in a room with only one exit that was full of things that could kill me with a single hit, having to retry several times before finally making it through, and then just giving up when the next room needed some annoying timing for stuff and not wanting to reload over and over some more.

Shovel Knight also went on sale incredibly cheap, this time on the 3DS, which I didn't even know it existed on. I was Concerned because I've bounced off so many Critically Acclaimed 2D platformers and metroidvanias lately (aside from Ori there's also been stuff like Celeste and Hollow Knight and something else I'm forgetting), but it turns out it's great and I genuinely enjoy playing it. I'm not super far in it because I keep getting distracted by other stuff, but so far it's a lot of fun and clearly made by people who are intimately familiar with NES-era platformers and what made them look and feel the way they did...which everyone already knew several years ago, but I just got around to it now.

Diablo 3 is...frustrating in a way that is itself also frustrating. As someone who's spent over 2000 hours on Grim Dawn over the past several years, it's safe to say I can get really into ARPGs when they click for me, and people have been comparing Grim Dawn, Diablo 3, and Path of Exile for years. The general consensus I've picked up is that Diablo 3 has waaay less depth and build variety than the other two, but people seem to think it has the most polished gameplay. After playing it a bit I'm not sure why they think that, because it doesn't feel like a revolutionary new level of polish, just like Torchlight 2.5 if Runic had a bigger budget to work with. It does do some things well, but as someone who's never really liked any of the Diablo games, the baggage this carries with it from trying to be a followup to Diablo 2 is ultimately going to be what makes me stop playing, possibly very soon. I could go on at great length about every little thing that's annoyed me while playing (and I have on Discord), but the short version is that I understand why there are people who like it while also being completely unable to myself. I may complain in greater detail later (or just copy stuff from Discord with light editing), but for now I'll just leave it at this.

Diablo 2: Resurrected will be a very brief entry. It was significantly cheaper to get D3 bundled with D2R than it was to get D3 by itself, so I seem to have ended up with both. I was expecting to play it for a few hours and be reminded of why I kind of hated it when I was younger, but it was not to be. The opening cutscene is genuinely great and reminded me of why Blizzard used to be known for having particularly high quality pre-rendered cutscenes, but as soon as it got to the main menu it shat itself repeatedly and failed to connect to Battle.net. Which it needs to do to play offline. On the Switch. Well, at least I got a discount on D3 for failing to play D2R, and as a bonus I got to watch a good cutscene for a few minutes. And now I get to have that 8 GB of space on my SD card back.

Vampire Survivors gets to show up in another post, so that's nice. I'd been taking a break from it for a couple months, but this week I got inspired to go back and finish up some of the stuff I didn't do before. Still such a great game. I'm about 80% done now, and I keep finding new silly things I didn't expect or coming up with increasingly broken and/or nonsensical build ideas I haven't tried before. It's not always the kind of thing I'm in the mood for, but when it is it does what it does so well.

[purplesurveys]

1780

When was the last time someone admitted to having somewhat of an attraction to you? Few months ago when some dude in Malaysia hit on me and also tried to use this cheesy pickup line which was tbh adorable but I just wasn't looking for anything so I turned him down.

If people hit on you semi-often, what race tends to hit on you the most? Eh that never happens to me.

Have you ever had an experience with ghosts or angels? If you have, explain: No and I don't believe in either anyway, so...

How has the summer been treating you thus far? June was fantastic; I went on back-to-back overseas trips and it was incredibly refreshing to have a month where I spent more time off than at work. The rest of it is an autopilot blur because I spent the rest of it working, lol. I can barely remember what happened in July.

What was the last wedding you went to like? Any pictures you’d like to post? I haven't been to a wedding since my aunt and uncle's in 2007. None of my friends are married, and the people I know who have since gotten married I'm not even close with so I've never gotten invited to theirs.

Was yesterday an exhausting and busy day? It actually was my most exhausting day of the week. It left me so tired I don't even know how I managed to drive home lol, I just wanted to close my eyes and pass out the whole ride.

Have you ever choked on food before? Not on food but on liquids and my own spit in the past, yeah.

Do you ever make awkward eye contact with people at restaurants? I wouldn't call those instances awkward. Sometimes I just meet eyes with strangers and that's all there is to it. I just look away as quick as I can so that they don't think I'm staring.

How often do random numbers call your cell phone? I wanna say 2-3 times a month because we're apparently doing a crap job addressing the whole thing about scammers and them having a hold of literally everyone's numbers.

Can you just go with the flow, or do you like control? I like an overall structure, but it's nice to have a bit of freedom within that structure. That said I definitely am not nearly as anal as I used to be and enjoying going with the flow is probably the biggest change I've undertaken in the last three years.

Is your internet connection slow? It is and it has been SO SHITTY the last 2.5 weeks. Our internet service provider is shit shit shit shit SHIT. I've been going to the office for 2.5 weeks now because I can't stand the slow service lmao; they also keep saying they'll bring someone in to fix whatever the fuck problem is happening but they've been saying that for the last couple of weeks and no one ever comes.

Have you ever unblocked someone that you blocked before? Yep.

Do you like to eat fruit salad? No that sounds like the worst punishment ever.

Can you take naps, or does it make you feel horrible? I can, but I don't. My free time is very rare and I always see sleep as a waste of time, even though I know I shouldn't... but idk, I guess I've always been a "I'll sleep when I'm dead" kind of person.

Do you know anyone who can’t swallow pills? I don't think so! I mean I have my moments where the damn pill just won't go down and the water makes me nauseous already LOL, but for the most part it's not a cause for concern with me.

When was your last uneventful day? That would be last Friday and Saturday – I had a fever then and both days were entirely spent on the couch recovering. I didn't want to risk getting up and doing stuff and possibly making my fever even higher.

Does your ex have a reason to hate you? Yes.

What annoys you the most about people? This is speaking only on the side of Filipino culture but I hate the culture of aggressive bargaining and find it embarrassing. Like the seller you're haggling is making a lot less than you are; if she says a top is 700 just pay the damn 700 lol. I'm FOR SURE in the minority here but I just don't like the idea of pressuring people, especially because I know I would hate it if I'm being forced to lower down prices that I set hahaha.

Don’t you hate how cameras are almost everywhere in public now? I don't find it a problem and it actually makes me feel safer.

Has anyone slapped you across the face before? If so, why? Yeah. Fuck if I know. I haven't talked to him in like five years.

How long have you been on the computer today? I want to say a little over 6 hours.

Did you know that a large fry at McDonald’s contains 500 calories? No but tbh I don't care. I know what I'm signing up for whenever I eat fast food, lol.

Do you find it hard to truly trust people? I trust my friends; it's a question mark for everyone else. I want to remain guarded, especially with how unsafe or sketchy the outside can get.

Do you prefer to have more or less in common with your siginificant other? Less is always more fun, as long as it's the little things – like me liking wrestling and my SO not understanding it one bit. It's a mess waiting to unravel if you have nothing in common with the fundamental items, like religion or wanting to have kids.

Why do you think people care so much about looks? Doesn't it just simply boil down to society and media and what we think society and media tell us to do?

What do you do when there’s a question in a survey that you don’t want to answer? I just delete it altogether or give a noncommittal answer.

Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a thing with? I did. I'm just calm now.

Have you ever taken a survey so long it bored you? Yes.

How easy was it to get over the person you last dated? 7 months, to my own surprise.

Do you allow people to ask you questions? Sure.

Would you take a shot of heroin for a million dollars? No.

Why don’t you talk to your ex anymore? I don't need to and I don't want to.

[sandman-vo]

I think I’ve hit a point in my life where I’m able to put a lot of the fucked up shit that’s been going on from 2015-2022 behind me.

And since that’s a long stretch of time til now, I should mention the “fucked up” has varying degrees:

Can’t get employed after college? Fucked up

Some friends turned out to be kinda shitty? Fucked up

The fun and unique culture of the city you like is slowly dying because tech and real estate bros like to gentrify and ruin everything they touch? Fucked up

Worldwide pandemic and finding out the US has always had a fascism problem. And the best you can really do is just buck up and survive this shit? Fucked up

Your State continues to decide to do jack and shit about any of their problems concerning electricity and water and you have had 2-3 winters where you had to go 4-5 DAYS without either water or power? Fucked up (fuck February in Austin)

Existential dread paired with depression, aging to my 30s with seemingly nothing much to show for it, being broke AF while your rent was suddenly raised by 50%, realizing you probably had ADHD this whole goddamn time, and thinking every part of you is broken in some way? Fucked up

Things that are more fucked up than that that I’d still rather keep to myself than write about here? Fucked up

You finish a day at work and go straight to Home Depot to cut through 80 feet worth of 1 1/2” pvc piping into 2 and 2.5 feet segments with a hand saw to finish building your new vocal booth that you have been waiting and planning for months to make, and there’s no heckin way you’re going to cook dinner after doing all that so you go pick up some Wendy’s on the way back. And you said no mayonnaise on your double cheeseburger to the guy at the speaker TWICE and they kept you waiting at the drive through for 15 minutes just for them to finally figure out that what that really meant was to SLATHER THAT SHIT ALL OVER IT, but at the same time you understand and support the concept of acting your wage and goddamn do fast food workers get paid dogshit so you don’t think it’s all that productive to file a complaint? Fucked up

But anyways, I’m gradually making it to the other side of these things.

I’m in a place where rent isn’t trying to starve me. I’m saving LOTS of money after paychecks. I’m at least in a career-adjacent job even though I’m not mega thrilled about it (could be worse, could be fucking up someone’s goddamn double cheeseburger). I’m definitely getting together a “bucket list” for Austin while I’m still in the mindset that I’ll try to give this place at least 1 or 2 more good years before I think it will be a good time to try and move elsewhere. I’m taking shit tons of classes to refine my skills, now that I have both time and money to do so. I’m genuinely building so much better of a foundation than I had 6 years ago, which I will use as a jumping off point and give my my work from home freelance careers in Voice Acting and Video Editing new leases on life. And I recently discovered yoga nidra in a class and while it’s no cure for ADHD it’s a treatment for sure!

One of the big takeaways that I’m keeping in mind lately (thanks to the yoga) is this:

“I am whole. I’m living a full life. And while it’s not how I wanted things to be, and while there’s some fucked up shit, and while it looks nothing like how a typical life would go, none of that shit makes me a lesser/broken/incomplete person.”

This was not a part of the class. This wasn’t taught. This is just what I ended up finding after I tried to figure out the deep seeded beliefs where all of my issues stemmed from. This realization has brought such a stillness to me in the past 48 hours that I can barely describe how I feel right now. But it feels good. There are only a few other places where I could have felt this, and coincidentally, it was not during the fucked up dark timeline that was my 2015-2022.

[warriorinthegarden]

Today’s Thoughts: I Still Love Him & That’s Okay-Part 1

I am coming to accept the fact that a part of me still and will always love my ex-husband. I still love him. I never wanted to separate from him or end our marriage. What I wanted was to fix our problems, but that never happened. For the sake of my sanity, I felt there was no other option than to end our marriage. I saw my ex-husband this past December (we had to sign over car titles per our settlement). I hadn’t seen him in-person in 3.5 years. I was nervous and a bit excited to see him--not going to lie about that. And y’all he looked good. Like damn good! Just like I remember except older, with a beard, and a little weight on him. He looked good! Upon seeing him, I instantly felt nervous and my heart began to beat a bit. He offered to get me coffee and while we were waiting for my drink, I sneaked a glance at him only to see him sneaking a glance at me. Awkward. To keep it short, throughout our conversation (about an hour) we talked about our lives, the last few years, our dogs, and the future. One thing that was clear to me by the end of the meeting was that he still loves me. And that’s not an arrogant statement. That man still loves me. It was clear as day in his face. And honestly, I still love him. I always will. Before we parted ways, he said to me, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I was a shit husband.” “You weren’t a shit husband. I think we both did the best we could.” “No, I’ve had time to think and I was a shit husband.”

His words still hit me. I don’t think he was a shitty husband. I think we both did the best we could with the tools and healing we had at that time. I had the opportunity to get back with him 2.5 years ago and to keep it short, I told him no. I didn’t believe back then that he was truly ready to do the work to fix our marriage problems, or get his own healing. I didn’t trust him with his addiction especially after he said, “I beat my addiction once, I can do it again.” I didn’t trust that arrogance. I think he genuinely believed we could make it work because he said that "love is all we need." I disagree with that statement. For a relationship to work, love is not enough. Love is the minimum. There also needs to be respect, communication, comprehension, compassion, action, compromise, willingness to face problems together, unity, and so much more. For the most part, I didn’t have those things with him. The communication, and action were the big ones. He would not course correct when he crossed boundaries. And to be fair, I didn’t know what boundaries were back then nor did I know how to enforce them in a healthy way. I was a different person back then. I am a new and improved version. And truthfully, he doesn’t know this version of me and I don’t know him either. The version of me that he knew, died. She died after all the stuff went down in 2020 with the wolf (go back and read early posts). And even though she no longer exists, the love I had for him still does. 

Part 2 Later

[lyonfreddie]

this is completely self-serving but behold, a chronological list of everything that’s gone wrong in my life in just the past 2.5 weeks:

5/24: almost missed my flight home from canada

5/25: goes back to work and finds out the moms for liberty transphobic bookbanning hate group booked my museum/workplace for an event at the end of june and staff are signing a petition to cancel the event. the contract for the event was signed in DECEMBER and we just found out about it NOW. LMAO

5/26: incompetent coworker made a huge mistake in gift entry over a month ago and i just uncover it now and have to fix it (because he sure as shit won’t)

5/28: succession series finale

5/30: emergency town hall meeting @ work where many lgbtq+/poc employees share emotional, tearful personal testimony with our ceo (who says he’s listening) to cancel the moms for liberty event

5/31: renewed a museum membership for war criminal karl rove

6/1: ceo announces in the allstaff meeting that we are NOT going to cancel the moms for liberty event. staff are openly weeping. one staff member quits on the spot. ceo twists our mission statement to serve his own batshit narrative and clearly doesn’t give two shits about lgbtq+ staff. full-body breakdown number 1.

6/2: goes to an ice cream shop for a nice milkshake to cheer myself up and a random dude wordlessly steals it from the counter right in front of my face on the hottest day of the year so far like are you fucking serious

6/3: has to work a midday event and pretend i’m proud of where i work. then i decide to drive home to pet my puppies only to find someone stole my headlights and side mirrors and broke one of my car’s windows???? i had to call the police and file my first police report. full-body breakdown number 2.

6/4: car gets towed. i go home with my parents.

6/5: i take the day off work and stay home to pet my dogs. news stories start to break about the event at the museum, people start calling wanting to cancel their memberships and sever ties with the museum. i get the voicemails on my phone.

6/6: we get talking points for phone calls/feedback and they are complete dogshit. i realize i am in a position where i’m perfectly capable of doxxing our entire board of directors. SPLC designates the moms for liberty as a certified extremist group, which would have helped immensely on june 1st, but fucking whatever. have to work ANOTHER event, this one in the evening, and pretend again like i’m happy to work at the museum.

6/7: horrendous wildfire smoke, but i go into the office because i have to print and mail 120 memberships and don’t want to do any amount of work for a ceo who fucking sucks and also i’m getting like 5 calls an hour from people telling us to cancel the event and i agree with them 100% but cannot say that!!!!

6/8: staff are openly sobbing in the office because all of our diversify living history partners are (rightfully) boycotting the museum for this decision. everyone’s jobs are 10x harder. support networks that staff have spent 6 YEARS building up with vulnerable communities in the region evaporate overnight. our crowning special exhibit on a free black man from philadelphia who fought in the rev war and used his war experience to inform his later fight for abolition & voting rights now looks completely hypocritical. because of ONE MAN’S DECISION.

6/9: work anxiety finally hits and i’m sick to my stomach all day. i get to wfh at least. there’s a board meeting, but it’s virtual, and they’re all rich people who live on another fucking planet, so they have no idea how absolutely abysmal morale is. a protest is held on the plaza outside at 6pm.

6/10: i have a daytrip planned with friends that i have been looking forward to all week. one might say it was all that was getting me through the week. i call an uber to take me to the train station with time to spare. the uber gets stuck behind a fucking trash truck and i have to cancel the uber and on my friends because i’ve missed the train completely. bawling on my bedroom floor before 9am. my dad calls and i try to explain to him why moms for liberty are filth and he doesn’t believe me. full-body breakdowns numbers 3 and 4 and 5!

the funniest thing is literally all of these things are outside of my control. so like.  why do i even try. lol

[uorallstars16]

Day 39: Back at Odds With the Ex

Well tonight was an absolute disaster. What started out as an innocent conversation about the past, turned into an all out screaming match full of resentment and hurt feelings. Long story short Aurora and I broke up due to distance. We were perfectly fine in every other area of our relationship, it was just the distance part that fucked us up. I live in GA and she lives in FL, and for a while we would go back and forth alternating between spending some time in each city until it got to the point where we were trying to figure out the next step. Originally she wanted to move to Miami together, but at the time I wanted to remain in GA because that's home for me. My family and friends who I'm close to are all there so the thought of moving away wasn't in the cards for me then. She didn't wanna move to GA either so eventually it caused a major strain in our relationship to the point where we decided it wasn't going to work so we broke up. This was 2.5 years ago right before Covid hit. Since then we really haven't even spoke until coming here, where we've basically been making up for lost time and trying to figure out where it all went wrong. Today I'm in a different head space and am currently living in Atlanta, soon to be NYC and that was the cause of tonight's big argument. Aurora didn't know any of this; she knew I was in ATL but when I told her I'm moving to NYC early next year that's when she freaked her shit. She's pissed off that I didn't want to move to a big city with her while we were still together, and now that I'm single here I am moving to NYC and she wants to believe that I was lying the whole time. It's just crazy...things change, people minds change as they get older obviously, and at that time of my life I simply wasn't ready to move to a big city. Now that I've experienced it, it works for me plus I got a big career opportunity in NYC that I couldn't say no to, so it was just the right timing. It has nothing to do with me making up excuses in the past for not wanting to be with Aurora, that's just dumb. So yea basically now we're back to not speaking and her hating my guts...I just can't ever win with this girl, I swear.

Ben

[jordyn-degas]

Can I request Sasuke x reader first time blowjobing him but reader isn’t the one making the first move but sasuke somehow and how did it happen?

sorry sorry super sorry for the late reply - such a bad toothache you cannot believe it ARGHHH - i couldn't even think 😤😤 Uhhhh, that’s a way to tickle my brain and senses that’s for sure 👀 ANYWAYYYYYY - EXCITED FOR THIS TBH 🤩 it's my first stand alone oral scene - let's see how it goes here we go - enjoyyyyy my horny anonnnn 😈

Pairing: Sasuke Uchiha x gn!reader

Word count: 2.5 k

Genre: NSWF - characters aged up 21+

Warnings: MDNI! - smut - oral (male receiving) - cumshot

A strong, perfectly capable Shinobi as you were, with a spotless track record that had the ear of the Hokage, you could easily fling around your finger anyone you desired, yet you found yourself wrapped around the finger of none other than Sasuke Uchiha.

Or should you say wrapped around his dick? If truth was to be told, in all honesty, that is how this entire thing between the two of you started. By complete and utter accident, separate tables, separate bottles of sake and barely recognizing each other after all the years that have passed. Who were you kidding? You knew exactly who the brooding man was. Apparently, the alcohol was probably the only thing able to have an Uchiha loosen up enough to strike a conversation. Realizing who you were in the end, after another bottle of sake and too many stories to count, Sasuke dicked you down that night so good you stayed in bed the entire day after.

Apparently, your skills were absolutely stellar since Sasuke started coming back to the village more often, sometimes staying put for weeks, always with you, practically living together. Six months later, there you were, him sprawled on the couch with a book as you grabbed the grocery list from the kitchen.

“Do you need anything in particular?” you asked placing yourself in front of him.

“Yes.” Sasuke replied simply, his fingers latching onto your shorts and pulling your body towards him. “You.”

“Down, boy.” you chuckled taking two steps back where he could not reach. “After you eat me tonight, we still need dinner.”

“Not really.” he replied as his eyes darkened, a small and arrogant smirk gracing his lips. “If you really need your mouth stuffed that badly, I can help you with it.”

Eyes popping wide open, lips parted in shock, your breath hitched as a blush pinched your cheeks. Sasuke knew exactly what he was aiming for, the innuendos starting about a week ago. You brushed past them with grace but could not help yourself from thinking about it. It was not that you did not wanted, it was simply the fact that you have never done it for any man, not really feeling they were deserving of such pleasure. However, Sasuke? Oh, well, that was another conversation, scenes in which he slides his cock down your throat animating your imagination almost daily. The only fear you had was that of disappointment, of failure to pleasure him as he always pleasures you.

“Breathe.” Sasuke chuckled darkly. “You’ll pop a vein.”

Rolling your eyes, flustered beyond recognition, you rushed out of the house feeling the need of a big breath of fresh air. The simple idea of him wanting it and you doing it was sending jolts of pleasure right down your spine . God, he could be infuriating!

﹥﹥﹥

“I’m home.” you announced walking into the kitchen, placing the bags on the counter.

“Can you come for a second?” Sasuke asked from the living room, detecting a hint of amusement and surprise in his tone. "Please."

Raising an eyebrow, you sighed and made your way towards the room. To say that your jaw hit the floor in embarrassment was an understatement. There he was in all his glory: Sasuke with his head tilted to the side, an amused expression while holding the book you’ve been hiding from him open to a very specific page you were interested in.

“Someone’s studying hard.” he said flicking a couple of signs you placed in between the pages.

“Sasuke, I ..” you tried to say but the voice betrayed you as he turned another page and hummed.

“You should have simply asked, love.” Sasuke said motioning for you to come to him. “I could’ve answered all of your questions.”

Obediently, you approached the man with a horrid embarrassment as his legs opened more than usual to welcome you in between. He motioned for you to bend over him slightly, his lips latching onto yours, a soft kiss electrifying your senses before his teeth pulled a bit on your lip, wanting, full of desire. When Sasuke was in the mood, the entire air was shifting, able to feel his want all over your body, hairs raising and goosebumps engulfing you from head to toe. His sexual magnetism was so effortless it always had you weak in the knees.

“Reading about how to give a blowjob?” Sasuke hummed pulling slightly back, his gaze meeting yours with undeniable lust. “I’m impressed.”

“Stop ..” you whispered. “It was a curiosity.”

“You’re embarrassed for no reason, love.” he spoke so softly it surprised you deeply, a smile gracing his delicious lips. “Are you still curious?”

“Yes.” you replied a bit too quickly, nodding, stomach flipping with anticipation and he chuckled lightly.

“Are you willing to kneel for me?” Sasuke asked raising an eyebrow knowing very well how you would usually put up a fight before he could fully subdue you.

Before he could even finish the question, you dropped to your knees, the arousal with which you left the house still there, raging. Sasuke smirked, your eyes quickly noticing the outline of his cock through the pants, hardening more by the second.

“Are you so eager to ..” Sasuke asked leaning forward until his nose brushed yours faintly, hand grabbing your chin, fingers squeezing lightly your cheeks and your lips parted with a sigh. “ .. show me how you can suck my cock?”

An innocent, unwilling moan slipped past your lips hearing his words, his chuckle following right after, laced with arousal. Your body trembled as Sasuke’s back hit the backrest of the couch, pants slipping off his body revealing the pair of boxers in which the dick that always drove you over the edge was painfully caged. He enjoyed this image terribly, the way you waited completely clueless, such an innocent face it was unbelievable, even after he knew very well what you could do in bed. Sasuke had an itching feeling that there was not much to teach you, always such a good student when it came to him. The look in your eyes gave it all away. You were more than ready.

Wasn’t he always right? As if the instinct guided you, palms resting on his knees before slowly making their way up, fingers grabbing the waistband of his boxers tightly as if wanting to rip them off, pulling them down while licking your lips. God, he adored how you always looked at his cock as if it was the best thing that has ever happened in your entire life.

When you released his throbbing member out of its material cage, it came out in all its glory, slapping against his pelvis deliciously. You took a moment to admire it. Long and thick before your eyes, knowing it could reach places in which no other man has ever went before, curved slightly upwards just enough, the perfect form to rub your most sweetest spot, protruding, small veins pulsing in arousal, the most obvious one running from the base of the shaft and stopping right at the tip. Lips parted slightly, mouth watery as beads of pre-cum leaked from the tip, length twitching slightly as you came even closer.

“Look at you.” Sasuke let a low growl rip. “You’re already drooling without even a taste.”

The corners of your mouth spilled a bit of saliva but you could not care anymore. You imagined and fantasized about this moment for quite some time, wandering if it could fit, if YOU could make it fit because you wanted it whole. A gentle hum resounded in between the two of you as you bit your lower lip seeing how his hard cock begged for the attention of your mouth. Fingers wrapping softly around the base, lips hovering over the tip causing Sasuke to inhale sharply and clench his teeth. The anticipation was absolutely killing him. Slowly, the tip of your tongue wanted to explore it in its entirety, letting it run up the length of his cock, from the base to the top.

"That's it." Sasuke shuddered at the touch. "Show me what you've been studying so hard for."

Eyes turning darker with lust, your lips kissed the tip, the saltiness of pre-cum tickling your taste buds, before enveloping your teeth, mouth in a perfect "O" shape as your hand started moving up and down. Your gaze snapped up to Sasuke that had his lips slightly parted, half-lidded eyes, chest raising up and down faster as seconds passed by. The moment you lowered your mouth on his throbbing shaft, a groan ruptured from his lungs and you moaned at the sensation, tongue wrapping around it in motions neither of you thought you knew. Saliva being spread along his cock, the hand wrapped at the base pumping into your mouth as you lowered your head more and more by the inch.

"You don't have to .." Sasuke tried to say but his head snapped backwards hitting the backrest as you could feel him deep in your throat. "FUCK!"

Muscles contracting around him, a sinful moan bouncing off the walls as you proudly met his expression, jaw dropped, licking his lips with hunger. Tears started forming in the corners of your eyes and you pulled back, removing him from your mouth with a delicious pop, hand beautifully working him, spreading your saliva and pre-cum from top to bottom. You took him in your mouth again, wanting to feel him as deep as possible, allowing your tongue to caress and explore each ridge and vein. Bobbing your head up and down at an even pace, enjoying every single bit of what his delicious member had to offer. He was squirming under you, cock twitching wanting to feel more of you, hips slowly raising unwillingly. Obliging, mouth swallowing the hardness entirely, your nose brushing his pelvis before pulling back. Not giving yourself time to breathe properly, you went in again finally adjusting to the way Sasuke's long, hard and heavy cock fitted perfectly inside your mouth and down your throat.

"God, you're perfect!" Sasuke said breathless, weak tone betraying the usual confidence, as he watched a string of spit connecting the tip of your tongue to the tip of his cock.

He could not believe how all your usual innocent demeanor flew out the window, a gaze filled with lust even darker than his. What truly impressed and pleasured him was that you didn't needed his help at all. It looked and felt as if it was not your first time at all. When you uttered the next word, he swore he could cum right there and then.

"More." you demanded, finger twirling the saliva string before putting it into your mouth and sucking it clean.

Sasuke knew exactly what you wanted and loved the fact that you knew it yourself without a single push from him. You always wanted more when he fucked you senseless every night and that was the case here as well. It was your life's pleasure to be dominated by him, to let him use you as he saw fit.

"P-please .." you pleased leaning in to lick his cockhead that was spilling pre-cum in anticipation.

Sasuke obliged without a single word, only a vicious grin, sign of planning to ravage you as always. Biting your lower lip, his palm made its way at the back of your head and pulled you closer, fingers grasping softly hair strands. A sneaky grin curved your lips dangerously before licking your lips, opening your mouth and letting your tongue roll out. Wanting to take him, you leaned in but were abruptly stopped as Sasuke held your head in place, teasing your tongue with the tip. A whimper slipped causing him to chuckle.

"So impatient." he clicked his tongue. "Craving my dick so much?"

You nodded with a slight desperation, eyes pleading for it, to taste it again and again.

"So fucking good." Sasuke purred.

At first, Sasuke pushed his cock along your tongue, making his way into your mouth slowly, lifting his hips further to slide down your throat. Not being in control had him go even further than anticipated which caused you to shut your eyes.

"Eyes up here, baby." he commanded. "You're doing so, so good."

Your eyes snapped wide open, boring into his as he pulled back and doing it two more times prepping you in his own way for what was about to come. The next time you felt his cock sliding down your throat was through only one sharp trust that left you to gag and choke. With the sounds and the scene before him, Sasuke almost blacked out. He guided your head up and down his length, twitching every single time it hit the back of your throat before picking up the pace. The intensity of his hips mercilessly thrusting into your mouth and the speed with which he fucked your face had the eyes roll into the back of your head, moans vibrating throughout both of your bodies almost sending him over the edge. Sasuke mercilessly rammed his cock into your mouth, slamming the back of your throat with each thrust, tears gracing your beautiful eyes, spit trickling from the corners of your mouth, down his length and on the carpet.

"Fuck, baby! FUCK!” Sasuke moaned as never before nestling himself into your throat, feeling it contracting as your tongue playfully twirled around. "Your mouth was made to take my cock."

Your muffled moans massaged him all around, the dominance of the moment and the praising making you feel dizzy, not wanting for him to ever pull out. Sasuke brought his other hand to your head, now both holding it as he began fucking himself with the help of your mouth. Everything about it was messy, sloppy, degrading and absolutely dirty as the squelching of your saliva being shoved back into your throat by his cock was mixed with the groans and moans you two allowed to escape. When the constant twitching of his shaft graced your mouth, you knew he was about to cum and your tongue started darting over every single bit of skin.

"F-Fuck!" Sasuke groaned loudly as the way your tongue rolled around his cock while he fucked your pretty, little mouth was bringing him to the edge, stomach clenching and vision tunneling. "I-I'm gonna .."

Feeling as he was about to pull out, you locked your jaw around him, the sudden gesture having Sasuke lose all sense of reality and shoot all of his warm, sticky cum down your throat, filling up every inch of your mouth. Raising your head after he pulled out, Sasuke was eyeing the ceiling, chest raising up and down faster, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead as he came down from his high. With a satisfied smile, you swallowed his cum with proudness and crawled up into his lap, his fingers trailing up and down your spine.

"Good then?" you asked placing kisses along his jaw.

"Fucking perfect." he sighed deeply. " But .. where did you get that book from?"

"Oh, that?" you chuckled. "Kakashi gave it to me."

Sasuke held back a laugh - That explained it.

[thebibliosphere]

Hello Joy! Long time follower and I really enjoy your blog. I just wanted to hope into your asks bc i've had a very frustrating day of doctors appointments and even if you don't have any advice, i was just hoping to rant to someone who'd been around the block with elusive medical illnesses (though please dont feel obligated to respond to this at all), and i apologize in advance for an almost certain lack of coherence.

I've been dealing with quite a lot of doctors appointments over the years, from treating insomnia, my adhd, and depression and anxiety, but long story short we have discovered 2 years ago that I have low b12. I have also been dealing with a chronic cough for 2.5 years. Unfortunately, oral supplements did not work for the b12 and i had to get monthly injections, which stopped when the pandemic hit and, despite doing for 4 months, didnt bring my levels up to normal anyway.

I recently restarted the injections, but my doctor will not approve my request to have more frequent injections, which i think i need, because its not fatally low (its at a 170 based on recent bloodwork). I finally saw a respirologist for my cough, and she has no idea what the cause of it is, even suggested that its psychsomatic, and put me on a different inhaler that i tried before (ive tried a million treatments for it, from post nasal drip meds to ppis for acid reflux to allergy meds, and the inhaler is the only thing that helped a little).

I've gained 20-25 pounds in the past 2 months, when ive been the same weight since i was a teenager (im 22), but my bloodwork continuously come back normal for everything but b12 and vitamin d, so my doctor also has no explanation for that (including normal tsh, and the last time i brought up testing other thyroid factors the doctor told me they dont do that and honestly made me feel silly for asking. Though, granted, my current doctor is a different one). I'm going insane because of how tired i am all the time, and the fact that I feel like a hypochondriac bc all my tests are always normal, and my doctor is only available for appointment once a month.

Sorry for the long block of text, i just feel, when looking at your blog, a sense of hope that eventually i'll have answers and you're just really great. ❤ i hope you had a really good day today ❤

Get a new doctor! Get a new doctor right now!

When you dip below 250 is when you can start to experience chronic fatigue, mood disorders and worsening cognitive function.

170 is when you're on the cusp of things getting seriously bad and depending on your homocysteine levels can start to cause pain and nerve damage. This is also when my hematologist estimates I started to sustain prolonged damage to my nervous system. This was also when I started experiencing the symptoms of early onset dementia.

140 is when my iron and folate levels tanked suddenly and I was so symptomatic my (then) new doctor was worried I had cancer and rushed me through seeing seven specialists in a week. The same day as seeing the hematologist it dipped below 110 and I started hemolyzing and went into medical crisis as my kidneys and heart started to struggle. I owe that hematologist and his team my life.

The good news is the shots you are getting right now are keeping you stable, but your doctor should NOT be waiting for your levels to hit crisis mode to resolve this issue. Please do not give up on this, you deserve better treatment.

Also, what kind of supplements are you taking?

I don't absorb Cyanocobalamin well through my gut, which is the most common type of oral supplement prescribed. What I do absorb through the gut is Methylcobalamin, so if you haven't tried that yet, it might be worth a shot to try and help you manage your levels on your own. Same with folic acid, I don't absorb it for shit, but when I switch to a methylfolate supplement, my numbers start to climb*. If you have tried this and it's been ineffective, then I'm going to emphasize that you need to push your doctor to increase your number of shots to get your levels up because what you are living with is not an acceptable quality of life, and I am so sorry :(

I hope you are able to rest and have better days in store soon. Take care, and if you want to talk about b12 or stuff, hit me up.

---

*Before anyone asks, yeah, I'm aware of the MTHFR gene mutation. I just can't test for it because the procedure is considered to be "investigational" and neither my geneticist nor my insurance wants to run it and I don't want to sell my data to a gene company lol.

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE TWENTY FOUR || ACCOMPLICES

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru + nitta akari from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of violence + mention of curses + EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 22 may

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 3.5k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but….

↳ previous episode : the origin of blind obedience 2

↳ barista’s notes : so here we are for the final episode of season one of jujutsu kaisen for my series, it’s been a long journey since i started this in early feburary and now it is late may ʕ ꆤ ᴥ ꆤʔ wow times does go really fast, doesn’t it? well, i hope you enjoy this cup of special classic black coffee and prepare for the jujutsu strolls that are going to be coming soon when you ask for a bit of milk in your coffee ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’.

Hakufuku : 10:19-10:32

2.5. for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique : hopefully this video is slightly better…

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

SAITAMA URAMI EAST JUNIOR HIGH - 1ST YEAR

“Here you go, you’ll need this”

Turning his head to look up, Fushiguro quickly noticed someone standing over him with their hand stretched out in front of him leading his eyes to peer down, only to notice a bandage wrap within the palm of their hands causing him to turn away as if he was looking away in disgust.

“Here you go, you’ll need this, you drag,” you repeated with the insult causing an irk to appear on Fushiguro’s forehead before turning to look at you with an annoyed expression present on his face.

“Go away, I don’t need it,” Fushiguro mentioned with some hint of annoyance and irritation within his tone causing the same irk to appear on your forehead as you then turned your head to look at the pile of beaten bodies that were behind him - an unsightly common sight since you enrolled into Saitama Urami East Junior High.

Sighing out loud, you suddenly grabbed the back of Fushiguro’s collar and began dragging him across the floor towards the bench that was close by (much to Fushiguro’s annoyance) and threw his body slight causing his upper shoulder area to hit the wooden side of the bench which lead him to hiss in pain.

“I don’t need it~ well sounds like you do,” you teased in a nonchalant manner causing Fushiguro to give you a sharp glare only to see that you had no reaction to it. Reaching into your blazer pocket, you took out a box of painkillers with some plasters in different sizes and a small pot of ointment before placing them on the outdoor bench.

“Don’t bother your sister too much...okay?” you rhetorically asked your classmate before turning back to walk away from the situation since you knew Fushiguro was going to question you on your knowledge about his sister even though he - on the outside - never really took the time to appreciate her or showed that he cared.

“What a drag,” you commented with another sigh before stretching your arms down to release the act that was slowly creeping its way to your shoulders as some students began to exit out of the school building to eat their lunch causing them to notice you as you gave them a little wave.

A FEW WEEKS LATER

Ever since that day, Fushiguro couldn’t help but begin to notice you slightly from the corner of his eyes as each day went by. At first, you sort of blended into the crowd in the sea of uniforms that was travelling around in the hallway, seeming to not want any attention from the teachers nor the students alike yet you seemed to somehow attract them leading you to offer the same small smile that he had somewhat gotten used to.

On the other hand, Fushiguro couldn’t help but get slightly annoyed at how your name was being called by the second, it was always “Y/N” this or “Y/N” that since you hated your last name being called. As in a matter of fact, he didn’t even have any acknowledgement or a hint of a clue of what your last name was at all. However, when you would say your name in your own tone, Fushiguro slowly began to notice how he then wouldn't get irritated causing a wave of confusion to hit him every time he would wonder why.

“Y/N, aren’t you going to participate in the elections for the student council, the teachers have nominated you?” one female student asked in a light tone causing Fushiguro to peak slightly over his arm as he was taking a nap for this lunch break, only to see you holding a book with a few other female students surrounding you.

“Nah, it’s such a drag...I don’t like taking responsibility for things,” you commented softly as you placed your thumb over the last word you were reading to keep a hold of your place causing the students around you to become confused before asking more questions causing some of your answers to perplex the erratic haired boy himself.

“I’m not good at organising things”

“I don’t have the time”

“I don’t like helping people”

“Liar,” Fushiguro muttered under his breath before closing his eyes again to fall into a quick nap while repeating the last words you had said to the students around you. 

“I don’t like helping people”

If you really didn’t like helping people, then why did you help him a few weeks ago? As well as leaving some first aid kit items on his table at the end of lunch to restock shall he say? Sure, you had helped other people here and there from letting them copy your notes to little study sessions during lunch to help the other person concentrate but he was wondering why you would help a delinquent like him...but further yet, why didn’t you ask for anything in return.

“Y/N, I found you,” someone shouted, causing Fushiguro’s ears to spike up once he knew the familiar tone to the voice that decided to enter the conversation.

“I wanted to apologise for Megumi’s behaviour for the past weeks and wanted to pay you back for the medical items you had given him,” Tsumiki informed you causing Fushiguro to slowly open his eyes again to see Tsumiki’s arm outstretched with some cash within her palm while you looked down on at with a hint of disappointment in your face.

“Don’t bother your sister too much...okay?”

Placing your bookmark on the page you were on, you gently placed it down before folding Tsumiki’s fingers over the money she was kindly offering you as payment, leading her to give you a surprising expression since, with that action, she instantly knew you were declining.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to repay me...Just take care of him, okay?” you mentioned with a soft tone before smiling up at your senior leading Fushiguro’s curiosity about you to heighten up even further than it was at the beginning.

“I don’t like helping people”

SAITAMA URAMI EAST JUNIOR HIGH - 2ND YEAR 

Walking in the school hallways, Fushiguro couldn’t help but notice how the gloomy and mundane weather was reflecting everyone’s mood as it seemed as if everyone had a lack of energy this morning and to be honest, he couldn’t blame them one single bit.

It was the day after, Tsumiki decided to attempt the test of courage at Yasohachi Bridge causing her to become cursed as she fell into a sudden coma causing guilt to begin eating him almost wholly as he took each step in the hallway. 

From what he recalled, Gojo had mentioned that Tsumiki was somewhat saved by a cursed technique leading her to not become physically injured at the attempt of jumping off, yet that didn’t save her from the curse that fell upon her since the lingering reverse cursed energy that was surrounding her body wasn’t enough or effective on her and the other students that decided to tag along with her leading him to wonder who was the person that tried to save his sister and her friends from that night.

Suddenly, Fushiguro heard something drop from behind causing him to turn his body completely, only to discover a fallen student leading him to widen his eyes on the sight before crouching down to check the pulse of the person only to discover that they were fine, as he then processed to turn his head to the side where more students from the classroom beside him began to drop one by one leading him to become more panicked since this was just the day after Tsumiki’s curse.

Unexpatantly, Fushiguro heard someone beginning to run towards his direction causing him to turn his head once again, only to find you running towards him with a somewhat worried expression on your face as you began to look at each classroom to see all the students within them passed out.

“Fushiguro!” you shouted in a panic leading him to quickly stand up on his feet as he reached out to you so he could rush you out of the school building to get you to Gojo to ensure your safety. If you were able to help him multiple times, maybe this time he could help you as his repayment.

Grabbing your hand, Fushiguro turned to his feet to begin running but for some reason, you weren’t running with him due to the halt of his movements when trying to pull you towards the exit of the school.

“Y/N, what are you doing? We got to run!” Fushiguro shouted in anger as he turned his head to face you eye to eye, only to come into eye contact with dark but glowing purple eyes causing his body to slowly become limp as his vision began to become gradually disorientated as an illusion of purple cherry blossoms began to fall around the both of you.

“Hakufuku”

Suddenly, Fushiguro began to lose his footing causing his body to quickly fall, only for you to catch him in your arms as you slowly lowered yourself to make sure his body didn’t harshly hit the floor due to any injuries he had gained from yesterday’s fight as you laid him on his side.

“Sorry, Fushiguro,” you whispered with a hint of regret before rapidly standing back up to run the other way which seemed towards the school’s computer’s system leading him slowly turn his head as he struggled to reach out towards your direction before the same arm dropped completely while his mind began to grow blank while your figure steadily disappeared from his sights while his memories of you began to gradually fade as he tried to maintain them with such difficulty.

“Y/N…”

THE DAY BEFORE THE MISSON

“You’ve been reading those books for quite some time, you know”

Turning your head away from the book placed upon your lap, you discovered Gojo in front of you with a teasing smile on his face as his body was leaning on the side of the doorway he had entered from.

“Well, there are quite a few to go through,” you muttered as you turned your head to the other side to see two piles of stacked up books that were somewhat in equal height right now with one pile of the books that you needed to read while the other was the books you had finished reading during the past weeks since you had moved into the Gojo’s clan estate.

From what you could recall the day you stepped foot into Gojo’s house, he had surprisingly guided you into a room that was filled with bookshelves that had books comfortably sitting in its place causing your eyes to widen at the sight only for him to inform you that all that books had belonged in your name.

“All of them belong to me?” you remembered asking leading your adoptive father to giggle slightly at your confused and flustered state as you began to roam around the pathway the bookshelves had given you, only to land on a particular shelf that had books written from your clan to which seemed to be addressed to you.

“I see you found the books, your mother was really smart to lock them and make sure you’re the only person who could read them,” Gojo mentioned to you when he had found you staring at them leading you to turn to him with a perplexed expression only for him to further explain that whenever he tried to touch the weathered spine of the book he would feel an invisible barrier blocking his movements and even when he attempted to use his infinity, there was no use.

However, when it was you, it just seemed like a normal book due to how easily you pull gently and carefully pull it out of the shelf and open it, only for Gojo to comment that all he could see what blank pages yet sense the linger cursed energy that was coming through the paper-based artefact. While on the other hand, you were able to view the elegant black brush strokes gracing the paper which was slightly confusing since you weren’t able to fully comprehend the poetic and outdated Japanese due to how influential the Chinese language was during the Heian era.

“I can’t believe you are technically older than me~” Gojo teased while wiping a fake tear from the corner of his eye, causing you to immediately snap out of your daydream to fully turn to him with a completely annoyed expression painted on your face.

“I DIDN’T AGE ONCE DURING MY SEALING, YOU DRAG!” you screamed in irritation causing the servant who was coming to serve you some tea to stumble slightly before regaining her balance as she let out a sigh of relief, leading you to deeply apologise to her before rushing up to your feet to help her on carrying the wooden, circular tea tray that she was holding on for you.

“I wish I got to see you grow into the woman that you are by the time you are reading this, but may you bloom into the sorcerer that you dream to be” - Your mother.

                                            ꕥ

“GOJO! GOJO!”

Slowly, from the loud shouting that was going on, you began to groan in annoyance while opening your eyes to find Itadori and Kugisaki kneeling in front of you with panicked expressions residing in their faces before steadily turning into relief once they noticed that you were smiling at them.

“Good job,” you whispered to them before resting your head back on the tree you were leaning on causing them to smile brightly back at you before high-fiving each other as they shouted on how relief they were as they already had a fright when they discovered Fushiguro laying on their ground before trying to find you.

“Did you collect the finger?” you questioned your classmates leading them to all freeze in a panic since they didn’t expect you to know about the issue with the special curse that was lingering within the domain that you were all previously in. As a matter of fact, you had already sensed it a few moments ago as well those three years back when you were in middle school.

“Ah...about that...Itadori ate it…” Fushiguro muttered in embarrassment, causing you to look at him with a blank stare before turning your head towards Itadori, who was now looking at you with a ‘trying to be innocent’ expression on his face as he scratched his cheek with his index finger.

“Sorry, Gojo...It was an accident,” Itadori stuttered in a light tone, while you continued to give him the blank expression before hitting his head with the handle of your katana causing him to hold the area while wincing in pain as you began to stand up on your feet.

“HEY! YOU FOUR!” 

Due to the sudden shouting, everyone head’s to shot up to find Nitta screaming at you and your classmates from above while waving her fist in such an erratic way, trying to emphasise her anger to all of you at this current moment in time.

“What have you four been doing? You wouldn’t answer my calls!” Nitta yelled, causing her voice to echo throughout the entire area causing you to wonder if anyone had turned on their lights due to the loud interruptions from their sleep.

“Oh, Nitta-san,” Itadori called out in surprise as he stared up at the irritated woman.

“She’s lost it,” Kugisaki mentioned, as she too was observing the shouting fit that all four of you were enduring right now.

“Well, shall we go home?” Itadori asked as he turned around to face you, leading the other two first-years to turn to look at you as well causing your eyebrows to raise up

‘Ah...I guess I did think about running away for a second....’

“Yeah, let’s go home,” you answered back before beginning to walk forward leaving Itadori and Kugisaki to talk about having Spendud Sushi as dinner while Nitta was continuing to yell at all four of you from above.

“I know as time passes, the more the Earth will push its fangs upon your shoulder and it’s completely my fault and I deeply apologise from the bottom of my heart. I knew the day that I was blessed with you that I desired nothing more than to give you the easiest route away from all the troubles the Zenin clan had put on us, away from the Jujutsu world and away from the loneliness that you will come face to face once I and your father are gone. I adore you with all my heart and want nothing more than your heart to be blessed with trust, happiness and comfort. Wherever you are, just know that I will always look after you, no matter how long I have to wait, I will always be the mother that I wished I could be for you” - Your mother.

                                               ꕥ

“Why did you leave?”

Turning your head to the side, you found Fushiguro standing on the wooden terrace that you were sitting on with a stern look on his face while you just blinked at him before turning your head to face the garden with a book laying upon your lap as you tried a way to figure out how to bring up the topic that you tried to avoid since coming into acquaintance with the shikigami sorcerer.

“What do you mean?” you asked before closing the book in such a gentle manner, worried that you could damage more than it already was - even if it was such in a good condition after enduring itself for 1000 years.

“Why did you leave? Why did you erase my memory? Why did you go?” Fushiguro queried once again, as he decided to take a seat next to you causing anyone who would see both of you and Fushiguro to notice the contrast in your outfits. At this current moment in time, you were wearing a simple yukata due to being at Gojo’s estate - it was common/courtesy to wear traditional clothing - while Fushiguo was wearing a white jumper with what seemed to be black joggers along with some trainers causing you to come to the assumption that he had either can to talk to you or train with Gojo again like he did last time.

“I’m sorry Fushiguro...but I had to do it,” you answered before grabbing the cup of tea that was sitting right beside you as you then took a sip of the warm drink leading some of your nerves to calm down as you also took a deep breath.

“Why didn’t you stay?” Fushiguro questioned again in a low tone while staring down at the ground trying to compose himself as more memories of you began to steadily flow in.

“It was too risky,” you answered again as you continued to stare at the garden that was blooming in front of you before turning your head to look at your classmate, who seemed to be in deep thought about the response you had just given him.

“I never got to repay you back from the kindness you had given me,” Fushiguro mentioned as he turned his head up to look at you, only to make eye contact leading the memories of your technique to come into his mind.

“I don’t need a repayment, I just did what I wanted to help you,” you replied back as you placed your cup down onto the wooden tray before laying your upper body down on the terrace while your legs were handing off to the side causing your hair to splay across the wooden platform the both of you were sitting on right now.

“But you don’t like helping people,” Fushiguro quickly mentioned as he turned his head to face you, causing your eyes to move from the sky above you to the boy that was now looking at you with a somewhat small smile planted upon his face causing you to remember the conversation that you had with him and Kugisaki about not telling Itadori the reason why numerous amount of cursed fingers that have been popping up recently - making you come to the realisation that he was technically asking you and Kugisaki to help him keep the guilt away from the vessel of Sukuna himself.

“Yeah...I don’t like helping people,” you answered with the same smile as he was presenting you, causing a light giggle to arise from the both of you.

‘I’ll recommend them for a promotion later...’

“Whoever you fall for the sky for, my dear. I wish you nothing but the world’s blessing to fall upon the two of you. May all the flowers that come to bloom will bring you grace and tenderness that you deserve, the same feelings that I wish I could provide to you as a mother like how the sun gives you its warmth” - Your mother.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[morbsxadorbs]

so because baron zemo’s been a source of serotonin for me lately as I’ve been trying to work on my fic which makes his snubbing in the current thunderbolts announcement suck all that much more, I thought I’d shoot some outfit photos with my zemo muse doll 💜

photos and more info under the cut to save dash space!

I introduced him over on my fandom blog @nbraraeaves when I first got him a while ago - as I think I mentioned in the plush guide I reblogged the other day, I got him from Meizai on etsy a couple years ago a while after I first started from sokovia with love. the coat and shirt he’s wearing are part of the outfit she custom-designed for him! the pants are some generic suit trousers I swapped in, and the boots are actually from a Loki cotton doll I ordered on ebay years ago without really knowing what it was (thus making him my first doll in this style).

here he is in just his shirt, please feel free to add your own “I Came for the Low” in the background:

anyway, onto this slapdash fashion show that I put together while no one came to my drop-in hour for work lmao 😂

1. I try to have a “casual” outfit for my plushies that travel with me a lot back and forth to my family’s place in TX, and Zemo is one that usually comes with just bc I never know when I’m going to get bit by the from sokovia bug again. I bought him this hoodie bc it’s purple, albeit a different shade from his main color, but I also just really wanted to see him in something cute and silly. (excuse my crooked bow, I’m still working on my technique)

Just modeling the hood up, with a different angle for the embroidered details one might miss on his enormous noble head.

2. I have a puffy pirate shirt that I bought specifically to give my different plushies their macfayden Mr. Darcy moment (minus water obvs), and on Zemo I always think of him being cajoled into posing for a traditional portrait by his parents, maybe when he’s still working his way up through the ranks of EKO Scorpion:

(I always have to tuck it in to his trousers bc otherwise it looks like an old fashioned christening gown lmao)

behold: a handsome boy! a boy of many talents!! and he will begrudgingly pose for photos!! ✨

2.5. I’ve been wearing a sword necklace I got a few years ago recently as I’ve been planning chapter 10, and I suddenly desperately needed to know how it would look if I gave it to him to hold -

with some quick thinking to make the chain itself into a sort of harness belt, it turns out he looks quite dashing wielding his family’s ancestral weapon!!

a close up for detail (and just me showing how I balanced it):

3. then of course I had to see how he looked with his usual coat over top, and definitely got a swashbuckling-‘92 Candyman hybrid vibe that I adore with his little frilly sleeves sticking out 🖤

look at him. isn’t that the cutest shit. what the hell.

4. finally, I don’t have his famous bathrobe yet bc I’m still looking for the right color, but for now, here are his pajamas, which are the closest I’ve managed to come right now:

look at him. flourishing. thriving. unbothered ✨

my next goal outfit is to replicate the first ever art I got for anything I’d ever written, this piece by my buddy Toni aka @imalsonotsure aka @three-stacked-raccons:

[insert the Dean IronGiant “It’s ART!!!”.gif bc I’m editing on mobile and hit my image limit lmao)

I have the pink shirt and glasses, I’m just waiting on the pink cardigan to get to my folks’ house (as it was a birthday gift this past year). I’m sure I’ll post an updated photo from there once I can put it all together!!

Next likely photos will either be chibi!Maxi or his secret alt twin mini!Maxi (long story to be explained), or maybe my bat collection, which is now large and historic as I’ve literally been picking them up since I was a wee baby bat myself. 🦇🖤

anyway, thanks for humoring me and my old camera! I just really love my little plushies, and figured that I might as well start sharing them with others who might like them too 🖤🖤🖤

[iamgreentealol]

I’m back; I only spent five days at my local psych ward because it’s a really short-term treatment. All the staff know me really well by now. I’ve been there 9 times and probably spent over 2 months in there lol. One of the nurses told me this time, “All of us are rooting for you. We know you can go really far in life.” 

And the thing is, 2.5 years ago when I went there for the first time, they treated me like shit. To them, I was just a rebellious child complaining about her parents and making up problems for attention. I didn’t get anything out of the first visit except scaring the crap out of my parents so they would treat me nicer. For about 2 weeks. Then as time goes by, my parents get more and more abusive, I feel more and more worthless, and all I can think about is suicide. But I didn’t want to go back to the mental hospital and be told what an immature brat I was. So I stuck through it much longer, and ended up going back after a little over 1 year. 

That time, the staff really didn’t listen. I got kicked out after 3 days. It was my last hope, and I knew no one would help me. So I took all the pills in my parents’ cabinet and peacefully went to sleep, thinking I would never wake up. Well, 7 hours later, I sat up in my bed and threw up all over. My first time in an ambulance. Fast forward to me sleeping in the ER overnight. I didn’t even need to get my stomach pumped or drink charcoal or anything because too much time had passed. I remember the doctor dramatically telling me, “You almost died” and I was too dizzy to explain to him that I didn’t give a shit. Anyway, I ended up in the psych ward for the 3rd time for my suicide attempt. Then they took me seriously.

The staff slowly came around in my next visits. Each time I went there, I addressed a different problem; visit #4 I stopped trying to please my parents, #5 (I attempted again in the form of bleeding out, but changed my mind and called 911, hello again mr. ambulance) I learned to stop expecting my parents to change and started focusing on myself, #6 I came clean about having an eating disorder, #7 I tried taking meds (bad, bad decision, they made things so much worse), #8 I improved my communication, #9 (this time) I “hit the reset button” and established a solid plan to prepare me for getting the hell out of my house as soon as I can.

After the staff initially labeled me, they slowly got to know me and started to actually listen. I’ve formed close relationships with them. And they don’t see me as a rebellious child anymore. They respect me and understand how much I’ve been through. And though it may seem like I’m not making progress, I’m trying. I’m trying, and I’m learning. And I think the staff learned a little bit too. They don’t just assume things anymore. They really take the time to talk to the patients instead of just listening to the parents.

It’s really interesting how my relationship with the staff grew. I’d be curious to see how other people see the situation. Would they tell me forgiveness is key and everyone makes mistakes? Would they tell me that I shouldn’t give the staff respect after how they treated me in the past? All I know is that we’re really close now, and I value their support a lot. 

So I feel a little more confident about my plans for the future. I think I can make it. I managed to form bonds with people even as my parents tried to keep me isolated. And I have everyone on here :) thank you so much. Getting your support is amazing. I’m not one to cry (instead I stare blankly at walls/ceiling) but my eyes started sweating a little bit seeing the kind comments. I can’t express how grateful I am. Thank you all 😊 

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 3x2: The stakes have never been higher

I’ve been semi-off the grid for the past week or so, and will be even more off-the-grid for another, so I’m now so late to this episode, but from what I’ve been glimpsing during my very brief online presence, it seems quite a bit more promising than the first one. I just hope I’m not disappointed again. I’m putting off re-packing my suitcase for this. But, the thing is, waiting extra long to get here has sort of made me care more about the show again, so I suppose there’s that. Let’s dive in at last and see what this one’s got to offer.

‘Disney+’s Frozen: the Musical: the Series’? This season is entirely too meta and I love that! Also, EJ, they would totally call it that. I mean, they sort of already did once, not that you’d know… and now I sort of want season four to be about the characters becoming aware they’re, well, characters in a tv show… that would be something for real. And I’m only half-joking here.

Also, can we acknowledge how wholesome Portwell are being here? Love that for them. I refuse to take any part in any ship wars, besides, if you recall, I didn’t really see Portwell coming until halfway into season 2 (oblivious much?), but like, they’re the real deal. If we can’t have Redlyn or Seblos this season, at least there’s still them.

Idk why, but Maddox is just bothering me entirely too much. Which is a shame because I wanted to like her. But then again, I wanted to like ‘Napoleon over here’ (yes, I’m still calling him that, it’s now become part of honouring Big Red who first called him that) and then he severely disappointed me, so… I suppose the lesson which can be learnt here is ‘never get attached to a new character before you’ve seen them actually in the show’ or something…

I said it once before and I’ll say it again (and I’ll probably say it at least once an episode if things keep going in the same direction they are now) — Carlos is entirely too relatable this season. Not that he wasn’t before, but, come on, Broadway-diva-in-the-making Carlos Rodriguez in a summer camp setting? Hits different.

I am so intrigued by Jet though… like, I want to know more about him, and I want it now. Just give it to me already…

Kourtney without her phone is reminding me a lot of me in my last year of high school when I had to cut off flour and sugar from my diet in order to get into my prom dress… would not recommend. But yeah, I was fully just scenting bread whenever I went even where there was definitely none, and can I just say I feel for Kourt here…

Ashlyn saying Gina’s brought 1.0 to camp… sort of true, and it’s not like a little bit of that is a bad thing at all, or like she means it in a bad way. Like, come on, these two are sisters. They love each other. But Gina 2.5 is a Gina I’m liking a lot. And this season’s soundtrack is really pulling out all the stoppers, isn’t it? I feel like no matter how the other aspects of the show may get, the music is still going to be the best part of it all, and that’s saying a lot.

Ricky ‘rewinding’ himself was so funny and adorable and, like, embracing the obvious awkwardness of the moment… love that for him honestly. I feel like he’s on a good path this season and I’ll be back to liking him full time, not just occasionally.

‘Friends? Enemies? Lovers? *looks at camera*’ Ricky is fully giving bi energy here and I can’t say I (and about a few thousands more people on here) didn’t call it ages ago. Now can we please just make it happen?

Ok but Ricky and Gina at the sight of EJ and Val hugging reminded me a lot, for whatever reason, of Angelica and Laurens at the Hamilton wedding. I said what I said. Just… idk. That was the vibe I got for some reason.

And… suddenly I want to see tiny Val and EJ together in The Sound of Music… I love that show and I love the thought of these two as tiny little kids, being the best of friends and whatnot… just… add that to the list of scenes I’ll never see except for in my imagination, ok.

Ok but Maddox is just really getting on my nerves right now… it’s one thing being used to do things by yourself, but it’s another to rudely refuse any sort of help. What scares me the most about her, however, is that I feel like I’m seeing quite a bit of myself in her and I’m just not liking that at all. Like, I want to like her, and then I don’t, and then it’s because she reminds me of the side of me I’m still learning to love… an acquired taste, alright. Is it possible to be terribly annoyed by a character and still relate to them way too much? Because that’s where I’m at with Maddox right now.

‘… you’re not even friends. You’re the competition’… Now why would Gina say that… to her fans, too? Like, she might have gone through some stuff and learnt a few lessons along the way, but they’ve not been through what she’s been through. What if they mess things up royally because of her words of advice? But hey, that’s a solid reminder that Gina is still just a kid, too, and she’s got a lot to learn yet.

EJ embracing his inner Miss Jenn is… well, something I didn’t know I was supposed to expect, but then, is it a season of HSMTMTS if the director doesn’t circle everyone up and sing a song from the show they’re doing in the highest pitch they’re capable of? Or… or if Ricky doesn’t show up late with a bang? I think Carlos put it best here, in another one of his highly-quotable one-liners: ‘Now that’s tradition!’ Enough said.

I was going to comment on individual performances during this audtition montage, but… how could I single anyone out? Everybody is just lovely and, like, I came prepared with a cast list but I don’t know anymore… except… Alex and Emmy are 100% young Elsa and Anna and you can’t convince me otherwise.

One thing other than the music which I’m loving about this season is definitely the guest stars. I mean, Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Nini’s donor wasn’t something I wanted or expected or anything, but now that I’ve got it, I’m just curious to see the dynamics. And the contractually obligated awkwardness is there, but it’s sort of a positive, embraced awkwardness. I said last time that I didn’t care much about Nini’s story this season and that was because I thought they’d be basically just replicating Olivia’s own, but it seems I’ve underestimated this show’s potential in terms of storylines. I like this much more than a 100% focus on her music or whatever. That might be a bit of a controversial opinion, but it’s my opinion and I’ll stand by it until I don’t believe in it anymore… if that ever happens.

So… let me get this straight (or, like, as straight as possible when there are exclusively queer people involved) — Marvin and Nini’s mums were in a band together? Well, then, you can say it runs in the family, indeed. See, now that makes any music-related Nini storyline that much more interesting to me.

Pls… Jet arriving an hour late to the auditions and everyone just supporting him, no questions asked (shout-out to Ricky and Ashlyn especially)? I’m not crying, you’re crying! And I love his vocals, too. But in a show like this, that was a given.

‘He’s like a little Ricky’. Couldn’t have said it better myself. And… proud big brother (?) Ricky is my new favourite Ricky.

I love it so much when songs tie so inseparably into the context of their scene in the show… and You Never Know has definitely got that going for it. I mean, the first verse mirroring what Marvin told Nini, and then the title being the same as The University Clowns’ one big hit… I love that for it. And the music in this season continues to be top-notch.

Pls Ashlyn’s got a BATB rose? Love that so much!! It’s just a nice detail, you know. Also, it makes me wonder if maybe Big Red gave it to her?

Has… has Gina defending Maddox got to do anything with the fact that, out of all three Wildcat girls, she’s the only one Maddox hasn’t been vaguely rude to yet? And what… what was Maddox up to in the dark? I need details and I need them now. And I want to know what it is in the cast list that Carlos refuses to let happen… I suppose I’ll have to spend another week barely-online, waiting to find out… I sort of like it how life is making me more interested in HSMTMTS by taking it away from me for the 2nd week in a row. But I hope this next one will be the last one like this.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Don’t Breathe | 3.5

»Genre: hitman!au || stalker!au ||

»Warnings: kidnapping, stalking, obsession, themes of potential Stockholm syndrome, mono-phobia, mature elements, manhandling, breakdowns, yandere (? i think ), he thinks it’s cute when she cries, eventually they fall in love, Disclaimer: I do not condone nor suggest stalking/kidnapping or anything of that nature, this is pure fiction ok, kidnappers and stalkers DON’T love you.

»Summary: He doesn’t get shaky hands, he never forgets his gloves and he never leaves a trail. He was paid to get rid of everyone who witnessed the exchange between a gang lord and a politician, they were picked off, one by one. He found out a month later, he missed one. A young writer who attended the event where the exchange took place. He has to kill her. Can he do it?

✤ pt.1 - pt.2 - pt.2.5 - pt.3 - pt. 3.5 - pt.4.0 - pt.4.5

A/n: enjoy 💜

⇢ 6 years ago ⇠

“Don’t forget us when you’re a famous writer,” 

Your mom brings in the third meal she packed for you, she insisted on making you a week worth's of your favorite meals. She said you were gonna miss home and her cooking would cure that longing in a heartbeat. 

“Mom stop it,” You smile, unwrapping the electric kettle they bought you after graduation, “you two are everything to me, I’d never forget you guys,”

She packs the fridge, making sure you don’t starve due to your inability to look away from your computer when you’re writing. After graduating with a bachelor's in communications, you were able to get a position as a writer after interning at The Auburn Times. Your dreams were finally becoming a reality. You have a high-paying job that you love, a nice apartment, a boyfriend—life is perfect.

“We love you, Y/n,” Both your parents walk over to you and give you a big hug, this is it, “you’re gonna do great.” 

Their embrace feels like love and reassurance, you’re so grateful for everything they’ve done to get you here. With a few more goodbyes, you walk them out as they drive away to get home, hours away from where you are now. 

Your apartment is perfect, your kitchen is perfect, everything is just as you imagined. After a few hours of tucking in your bedsheets and setting up your bathroom, you order a large pizza and rightful gorge yourself to a messy reality TV show on your new couch.

On the other side of the city, he waits patiently, the large and lavish office. The chair is stiff under him, but he’s calm, composed.

“Hi, Mr. Kim,” The man with dark brown enters the room finally, a beige folder in his hand as he takes a seat in the chair across from him, “sorry for the wait.”

Taehyung tilts his head a bit, not upset or impatient by any means, “You’re fine,”

“So, you have an interesting profile,” Minho sits back, the folder sitting on the desk between them, “not a lot of kills under your belt but the jobs you have done, not one slip up. But tell me a little bit about your personal life, your background.”

Taehyung’s eyes drift from the desk to the man in front of him, “I moved here when I was eighteen, joined an organization but I just quit recently. I was born in the countryside, lived in a foster home for most of my childhood. My birth mom was strung out on drugs and my dad, don’t know a thing about him. That’s about it.”

“Any close friends? Do you live alone?”

“I have a friend, but other than him, I don’t know anyone here. And yes, I live alone.”

“Good, you’re perfect for off the grid jobs,” Minho takes out a pen and pad to write down a few things, “okay, you’ve got the job.” He takes out the contract and hands Taehyung a pen.

He reads over the official paper, finding the X where he’s supposed to sign at the end of the paragraph of terms and agreements, “When do I get my first assignment?”

“I’ll have one to you by the end of the week. But let’s go over the rules: first, don’t come in contact with the target. That’s guaranteed screw up. Secondly, keep your observation time at a minimum, if not, you’re at risk for developing an obsession with the target, that’s never good. And lastly, one of the most important rules of all; under no circumstances should you form a bond of any kind with the target. The contract you’ll sign to secure this job states just that, a target is a target. If you accept, you get the job done, no exceptions. Got it?”

“Not a problem,” He signs his signature, swearing his life to this organization for a full 7 years. 

“Good,” He takes the pin and tucks the contract back into the folder, “Welcome to the guild.”

It’s noisy.

You’ve been awake for a few minutes, but you’ve heard little movement upstairs—he must be getting ready to go out. Staring up at the ceiling, you keep thinking of that night. How he looked when you hit him, his face flushed, and his eyes tender, he wasn’t angry.

The urge to scratch him when he’s near has lessened, you scold yourself for that. There should be no reason for you to feel anything more than hate for him, so any positive feelings you might have, you have to push down. He kidnapped you, you hate him—you need to hate him.

The door opens and you shyly sit up and gaze at him, he’s dressed nicely in a beige knit sweater and his hair looks freshly washed. He slips the key out of his pocket, “I’m going out today,” Taking your wrist into his hand, he sticks it in the lock and the cuff falls off, “I want you to shower and eat something before I go.”

You can feel him looking at you, waiting for your compliance. But you refuse to move or even look him in the eyes, your attitude will be your downfall one day.

“Hey,” He grabs your arm a little tighter than usual, making you frown, “get up,”

You spare him a halfhearted glance before standing up and walking past him, eager to get to the shower and away from his overbearing presence. 

Surprisingly, he lets you walk upstairs and he follows you to the guest bathroom where you’ve been showering since you’ve been here. He shuffles you into the bathroom as if to tell you you’re walking too slow. You stumble a little, why is he handling you like this?

“Um,” You bite your bottom lip when you only see a towel and washcloth on the counter, “do you have any clothes for me?”

“Just take a shower, I’ll be right back,” He answers flatly, closing the door in your face. He’s so moody right now, you know you can be pretty cold to him, but he didn’t have to slam the door. That won’t keep you from indulging in a nice shower though. You’re grateful that he at least gives you this luxury twice a day. Taking off your clothes, you sit them on the counter and hop in the shower. A few minutes go by and your stomach twists when you hear the bathroom door creak open.

“I need you to hurry up,” He glances at the curtain, trying not to think of you being completely bare behind it, “I have to be somewhere in an hour,” 

“I’m going as fast as I can,” You mumble. When you hear the door close, you get out and quickly dry off so you can get dressed. You notice that nothing he brought you to wear is yours, aside from your underwear and socks, which you choose to not to think of how he picked them from your drawers. There’s a baby-blue hoodie with gray sweat pants, these are definitely not yours, are they his? You cringe, but slip them on anyway. Ugh, you chastise for liking how the clothes fit, it reminds you of how Jin’s clothes used to hang on you. 

It’s comforting to think of him, you haven’t thought of him in a while. He used to be your everything, you two were partners in crime for a majority of your life in the city. But things didn’t work out and you have no negative feelings about it. If anything, you’re grateful to have had the time you had to figure out what you really wanted. Now, look at you, your free lifestyle just a distant memory. 

When he hears your light footsteps he looks at the end of the stairway to see you, his mouth opens to speak but nothing comes out. Damn it, why do you have to look like that? He forgot to do your laundry last night, now he has to live with the image of you like this for the rest of his life. Not paying any mind to his gawking, you glance at the delicious-looking plate and try not to look too excited from it. The sandwich and chips with a large bowl of fruit have become normality, knowing he’d have it prepared every day was one of your only joys.

“I didn’t get the chance to wash your clothes last night, so I had to give you something of mine,” He breaks the silence with a firm voice. He walks up to you and holds the plate in front of you, gesturing for you to exchange it for your dirty clothes. “you can take that downstairs,” He vanishes into the laundry room. 

No need to tell you twice. You hold the plate gladly and head back to the basement or what you mentally refer to as a cave. It doesn’t take long before you’re perched on the cushion and picking at the bowl of fruit.

He makes an appearance once again, this time he stands at the stairs, not fully entering the space. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” With that, he locks the several locks on the door and seals you into your dungeon for however long he pleases.

Music, you hear music. You assume it’s from his speaker, but you’re just not sure from where. You listen and you can hear the song clearly, Fly Me to The Moon to be precise. A tune you often hum mindlessly at home. You think, he had probably heard you humming it several times. There’s no telling how many nights he watched you prance around your home as if no one were watching. Unbeknownst of his presence, oblivious of your nearing future. The thought alone makes you sick to your stomach. You push the plate to the end of the cushion and lay down, dying to return to the peaceful realm of sleep.

The brunch spot isn’t as packed as he thought it’d be. He sits at the table, drinking his second cup of water as he glances at his watch, Yeosang should be arriving soon. Yeosang was the only friend he had in this city when he first moved here, they go way back. About a year ago, he got a job offer abroad and he hasn’t seen him in person since. Today he’s back to visit family and he made sure to schedule a time for one of his best friends.

“Taehyung!” A cheerful voice calls his name, “Long time no see,”

Taehyung greets his blond-haired friend with a and he insists that he takes a seat. “Man, how long has it been?” 

“Too long,” When the two finally sit down, the waitress brings Yeosang a menu and says she’ll be back to see if they’re ready to order, “Berlin is nice, but my social is suffering, I work too damn much,”

“Tell me about it,” Taehyung stares at the menu, debating over the green tea latte or an americano, “it hasn’t been the same since you left.”

“Yeah?”

Yeosang has always been the one person in the guild that he fully trusts, something about him that 

“Yeah, I went on a job with Park Jimin, can you believe I actually agreed? if you were here you probably could’ve talked me out of it,” He sighs, finally deciding that the green tea latte is the best option. When the waitress walks by, he waves her over gives her his order. Yeosang puts his orders in as well and the two go back to their conversation, “the payout was too good to pass up,”

It’s not long before their food is on the table and they’re reminiscing on the good times they used to have. Taehyung was great support for Yeosang and vice versa. They used to get jobs and split a hefty payout for their services as a team, it was nice to work with someone he trusted. But even working alone had its perks, larger pay, less loose strings, no one to debate with. 

“So,” Yeosang peeks at him, noticing how his hair is threatening to grow past his eyes completely, “have you found anyone special? Or are you still living in that huge place of yours all alone,” 

Tugging his bottom lip into his mouth, his feline eyes drift to the window beside him, he has to answer this carefully or it’ll become obvious that he’s hesitating, “No, there’s no one,”

He pries, smirking because he just doesn’t fully believe that, “You should broaden your horizons, Kim. Go out, date, have a little fun,”

Tae sits his drink down and sighs, deciding not to entertain that, “Where are you staying?”

“A hotel, I won’t be spending too much time there though, I have a packed schedule,” HE tilts his head in thought, “maybe I can crash at your place this weekend?”

He smiles, “Sure,”

“Agh!” You slam your body against the door for the third time, but to no avail, it stays locked. If he’s nothing, he’s smart when it comes to keeping you from trying to escape. There are no windows down here and the door isn’t budging for anything. 

After your shoulder began to throb from the constant impact, you decide to give up and sit on the floor in front of the cushion. It’s been days since he’s let you out of here and you think he’s doing it on purpose. Aside from getting you up to bathe and eat, he hasn’t taken you to his room or come down to sit with you. It’s not something you want to miss, but he’s proving to be right about what he said when you were first brought here—you’re feeling isolated. He hasn’t threatened to starve you, he hasn’t made threats of any kind actually, it’s starting to seem like he’s trying to spite you? Whatever he’s trying to do, it’s creating a distance that’s starting to make you feel more uneasy.

Everything feels scary. Not him, but what he’s doing to you. You feel so alone, isolated. When human interaction becomes nonexistent. That’s what he once said but you ignored it at the time, brushing off as a threat to keep you afraid. But he was right, it’s starting to get to you, these four walls. You’re beginning to have a hard time telling what time it is, it’s messing with your senses. You can’t remember the last time you’ve seen another human being beside him. He hasn’t given you crossword puzzles, a notebook to draw in, he doesn’t even let you watch TV. You do nothing, every day you just do absolutely nothing. 

And at night, you’ve developed a bit of insomnia. You stare into the corners of the dark space, telling yourself that there aren’t dark figures staring back at you.

Sometimes, you find yourself thinking of him in the dead of night—his face, his voice, the way his hands feel. Knowing he’s probably the only person you’ll have for a while. There’s something so warm about him, the way he looks at you, those eyes... That’s what gets you the most, those deep brown eyes that you can’t look straight into without your mind wandering. It doesn’t even occur to until now that you don’t know his name, you don’t know anything about him. 

Maybe you could learn, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get to know him. You’re conflicted about it, but what choice do you have? The only other option is to sit down here and go crazy. He’s proven to have a mild obsession with you, why not use that? It’s not so shameful to switch it up and make him think you’ve changed—anything to get you out of this hellhole. 

That’s your decision, seduce him. Get close, if you can get him to trust you, even just a little bit, that’s one step closer to getting out of here.

In your hours of isolation during the day, he’d wait to the late hours of the night and peek down into the basement, seeing that you were asleep. He’d creep down there and sit next to your cushion, eyes trained on you when you’d toss and turn. Sometimes you’d pull on the cuff on your wrist, and he’d get the urge to take it off, but that thought wouldn’t last long. When he’s not working, he’d dedicate himself to learning about you from a distance. Lately, he's dedicated some of his time to painting when the need to see you becomes unbearable. It’s a good distraction. Right next to his room, he goes into his little art studio. He hasn’t been in there as often because he’s been so busy, but he’s thought about letting you occupy yourself in there. Being able to express yourself creatively might put you in a better head-space.

“Are you sure he’s legit, Jungkook?” 

Jin looks over the card, still not too sure about all of this.

“Of course, he’s ex-FBI, very legit, best PI I know,” Jungkook speaks muffled over the phone, “man, he’s a genius when it comes to stuff like this, he finds wat the cops miss.”

Jin sighs, “I hope so. I never liked her living alone, and this was why, just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach,” The silence piques concern in his friend, knowing he’s hurting, “I know we’re not together anymore, but I care about her, I’ll always have love for her, we’re like family,”

“I hear you, just take it one step at a time, she’s a strong girl, always has been” Jungkook tries to comfort him, but he can’t blame Jin’s concern. He’s a lawyer. There are so many cases that he’s come across with missing victims who haven’t come out alive. He only hopes that he’ll never see a case file with your name in it.

Jin looks up when he hears a knock on the door.

“I’ll talk to you later, he’s here,” He hangs up, straightening up his dress shirt before opening up the front door.

“Kim Seokjin? I’m Min Yoongi, Jungkook connected us,” The man stands relaxed, dirty blond hair and a pair of soft eyes, surprising for a man of his reputation.

“Yes, please come in,” He gestures him inside and Yoongi obliges, eyes discreetly checking the place out, “I prepared the folder last night, was there anything else you needed?” Jin closes the front door and grabs to the beige folder off of the kitchen bar.

“Let me see,” Yoongi extends his hand, taking the folder and opening it up. With narrowed brows, he reads over your address, social media, your workplace, little things like that, “this is good. What is your relationship with her again? Boyfriend or-”

“Ex-boyfriend, but we were on good terms, we’re friends. Her supervisor, Suzy, called me, she’s the one who found out she was missing. I was on her emergency contact list, she must’ve forgotten to update it when we broke,” He bites his cheek to stop himself from rambling, “anyway, she hasn’t answered any calls or texts,”

“It says here she’s a writer for The Autumn Times,” He nods to himself, “I think I’ve read a few of her articles. Do you think there would be anyone out there who would have any reason to abduct her? I heard there was a briefing that some of the attending reporters started vanishing from, is she connected to that in any way?”

“No, not at all,” Jin couldn’t anyone would ever target you, “well, now that I think of it, I wouldn’t know.”

“How about new friends, family, a new boyfriend, an old flame, anything like that?”

“No- Well, I wouldn’t know that either, we haven’t talked for a while, but I don’t think so. She’s very career-driven, after me there was no one else that I knew of, and she’s never had a huge social circle,” Jin furrows his brows, a bit taken aback by the thought you getting with someone else who would potentially put you in harm's way.

“Well, I never rule that out, so I’ll do a little digging to see if it’s possibly someone of that nature, but who knows, she could have run off on her own accord, could be a lot of different things,” He closes up the folder, “anything else I might want to know?”

“No, I think that’s everything, if there is anything Suzy finds out, I’ll contact you immediately.” 

“I appreciate it, it’s nice meeting you Mr. Kim,” He shakes his hand, “and I assure you, I’ll carry the burden of worrying about her, you just relax, okay? I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve gotta stay calm somehow.”

“Thanks.”

With about as much information as Jin could possibly gather on you, he decides to go to your home first. Assuming it’s under police investigation, it might be blocked off, but he knows the department well, so getting in won’t be a problem.  One call and he’s given permission to investigate. It takes roughly an hour to get to your apartment, and sure enough, when he approaches the front door, it’s untouched. At least it appears that way. Taking the liberty to survey the home, he pops the lock and walks inside. 

You have a nice place and there’s no immediate sign of forced entry. If it was an abduction, there’s no sign of it being violent, maybe you were unconscious? The said necklace was no longer at the scene, so that was probably confiscated as evidence. With his blue rubber gloves, he starts to plunder through the house. First, he checks your bedroom. The first thing that catches his eye is the bed being made. In theory, if you were taken in the night, why would your bed be made? As he enters your room further, he opens a few of your drawers, nothing looks unusual so he closes them up.

“Hm,” He furrows his brows, if you were kidnapped then your abductor is good. The home looks virtually untouched. For a moment, he’s about to go to his car to grab his camera so he can take pictures of the place, but he hears a beep that comes from the window.

The open window.

Curious, he crouches in front of it and looks it over. There’s no way someone with enough skill to, in theory, make up the bed after taking you, leave fingerprints on the window, but that's not what he’s looking for.

Grazing the window pain, he looks for dirt, gravel, anything that could fall from the bottom of a shoe. Nothing. “Damn.” He sighs, opening the window further.

Just when he thought there would be nothing, he sees the alarm lock. It’s been tampered with. He takes out his phone and snaps a quick photo before writing this down on a notepad. “We’re getting somewhere,” He mumbles, pushing the window down. He’ll come back later for prints, now he has to make a few phone calls.

He’s at the grocery store and he tasked himself with purchasing personal items for you. Soap, razors, lotion, things of that nature. He avoided the impressed looks from women who probably assumed he was purchasing these things for a girlfriend. One particular woman was watching him, pitying his indecisiveness.  He was seriously having a hard time choosing a razor, he forgot what he saw you use at your house.

“Hi,” She smiled, moving into his line of vision, “this one of better for sensitive skin, it’s the one I use,” She points to the one that was fairly priced between the least and most expensive.

“Thanks,” He was relieved to finally just put one in the basket.

“No problem, I’ve been shopping for my boyfriend before, I know how it is,” She winked and went off into another aisle.

After running a few more errands, it was almost sunset and he decided to head home. Instead of checking on you like usual, he showers first. He’s been thinking about you, it’s been a while since you’ve gotten any real interaction. The only time you’ve been seeing him the last few days is to get food or use the restroom, the distance was necessary. He wasn’t kidding when he said you were tempting him, he needed to step back. When you were scared because of him and cried for a while, it was interesting to see that he frightened you that much. He’s got emotional control over you, that much is true. But he’s not sure he’s controlling the emotions that he wants to control. Coming out of his thoughts, he dries off and slips a shirt and sweats on. 

Meanwhile, you can hear his piddling upstairs and you start to lose confidence in your plan. If you could get him to a point where he trusts you enough, you would have a better chance of escape. It seems cruel to deceive him and wrong to want to get close to him just because you don’t want to live in a basement anymore. But if you stay down here any longer you’re going to lose your mind, it’s already happening.

The door suddenly opens and you sit up to see he’s dressed in a white tee and gray-sweats, his hair jet black and fluffy, his expression soft. 

“Come up so you can shower and eat,” The same line you’ve heard for the last few days. 

Testing your boundaries, you don’t move. You continue to sit curled up on the floor, knees pressed to your chest and head hung low. Without a word, he calmly walks down to you.

He crouches in front of you, “Why are you being difficult?”

“I’m just not hungry...” You lie.

“Yes, you are,” He sees right through you, “it’s been hours since I’ve been home.” He tilts his head. Insistent on going through with your experiment, you stay where you are. He scoffs, an amused grin on his face, “You want me to carry you?”

You look up at him, your confidence wavering. “No...”

“Then get up.” His tone isn’t soft like usual, he sounds impatient.

Reluctantly, you stand up, trying to push yourself to your feet. Hoping you can muster up the courage to go through with your plan, you shyly follow behind him.

It’s the same routine, he tells you to get in the shower (his shower this time) and disappears to get your clothes. This time is a bit different, in the shower you notice a few extra thins. A lilac-colored razor, floral smelling body wash that you’re so used to buying for yourself, he bought this stuff for you? Either way, you take the time to shave, there’s no telling when you’ll get the chance to do it again. 

When you turn off the water and wrap yourself in a towel, you see that he put some clothes and underwear out for you, as you expected. Again, his clothes but your underwear and socks. This time, he gave you a dark green shirt and sweats, similar to what he’s wearing now. 

He’s standing in the kitchen, making your plate and his. Dumplings, rice, and a few other sides, one of his favorite meals. When he hears the bathroom door open, he looks up at the banister to see you walking to the stairs with your clothes bunched in your hands. 

“Let me see,” Taking your clothes from you, he gestures to the table, “go sit down, I’ll get you something to drink after I put your laundry in the washer.”

You do as he says, and your stomach growls, debunking your lie from earlier. Taking a seat, you wait patiently until he emerges from the laundry room. 

When he comes to the table with two cups of tea, he glances at you, wondering why you haven’t eaten yet. “Go ahead and eat,” Casually, he picks up a dumpling and starts to eat, “it’s gonna get cold.”

Gazing down at your plate, you hesitantly pick up a dumpling at bite it—it’s actually really good. So, even though you were trying to seem uninterested, you end up eating a little over half of your plate. He grins when he sees your chewing the last dumpling on your plate, now he knows what food you can’t resist.

“Are you finished?” You nod. He takes your plates and takes his time putting the dirty plates in the dishwasher.

Oh god, this isn’t working. How are you supposed to get on his good side when you can barely function when he’s around? You can barely speak you’re so nervous.

“Let’s go, you’re going back to the basement.” 

No no no no, you can’t go back down there. Say something, do something. But nothing comes to your mind and you freeze. Before you know it, you’re walking back down to that dark abyss and you start to feel hazy.

“It’s gonna get a bit cold tonight,” He thinks aloud, “I’ll bring you an extra blanket,” 

You take a seat with a sigh, dejected and disappointed in yourself. This was supposed to be easy. But now that you’re back down in the basement, you’re starting to feel it again. The dread, the isolation that you know he’s trying to make you experience. It’s overwhelming. Why is he doing this? Maybe he’s upset about that night when you hit him, he may resent you for that. But how could he blame you? You’re the victim, you’re the one suffering, being treated like a prisoner, and then he tries to kiss you. Warm tears stream down your cheeks and you don’t try to hide it, there’s no point. Softly, you sob into your hands, you’re sure you look pitiful.

“Why are you crying?” His voice breaks you from your train of thought and you look up. He’s holding a blanket and standing in front of you, more so curious than concerned. Not expecting you to have broken so soon, he takes a seat beside you, eager to hear your reasoning. “What’s wrong?”

“I-” You sniffle, trying to get your words together, “I hate it down here, I see things at night, it’s so dark and- and I see things...”

“You’re just imagining things,” He reasons, not an ounce of sympathy in his words, “there’s nothing down here.“

“But it’s scary, it’s hard to sleep at night,” You wipe your tears, “I keep think you’re going to let me drown like last time, that’s what I keep thinking...” He finds your accusation interesting, given he told you he had that problem fixed.

“No, that’s not gonna happen again, I got that problem fixed,” He grabs the cuff from the wall and you keep a steady eye on his hands. “You’re sleeping down here, give me your hand-” 

“No,” You scoot away, holding your wrists behind yourself so he can’t grab them, “please, it hurts when I sleep...” 

“I really don’t care, you should be used to this by now,” He tries to grab your arms again but you pull away—you’re really testing your luck. “Stop it, I’m not in the mood. Give me your hand.” 

You bite your lip and your eyes glisten with fresh tears, you don’t budge. Being as skilled as he is, he grabs your arm anyway but he regrets it as soon as your deafening cries meet his ears.

“No! No,” Whining at the top of your lungs, you roll your body onto the floor, “p-please,” You sit back on your butt, heart beating out of your chest. You really weren’t planning to lash out like this—but you couldn’t take it anymore.

“You’re really pushing it,” He stands up, glaring down at you. “I swear to god I won’t say it again. Get up.”

When you look away, he takes that as your final answer, you just don’t want to listen.

“Fine,” He picks you up with a strength you didn’t realize he had and tosses you onto the cushion. He easily straddles your waste to pin you down and that’s when you really kick into fight or flight mode. You pull him back to the ground with you and you’re a mess of tangled limbs for a moment. You get the opportunity to crawl away, but he grabs your ankle and yanks you back, making you collapse onto your stomach, “Agh- L-let go,” 

“Stop acting like this isn’t what you asked for,” He pants, “I tried to be nice to you,” He’s trying to get you to stay still. Realizing your difference in size, he gets the idea to press himself against you, smothering you to the hard floor to get your arms without you sitting up, “didn’t you want to be down here? What happened to that? You don’t get to change your mind and do what you want,” He seethes, pressing the side of his face firmly into the crook of your neck while he busies himself with trying to get a hold of your erratic moving arms.

“Get off!” You cry out in a high-pitched squeal, kicking and squirming, trying to get him to give up.

“Stop moving,” He warns through gritted teeth, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” He sits up to look you in the eyes but that doesn’t last long. You violently kick your legs which causes him to lose his bearing, giving you the freedom to move your upper body now. You quickly turn onto your stomach and hold your hands to your chest, sobbing into the hard floor. It’s no use to keep going with you, you’re relentless.

“Okay, I get it, calm down,” He sits up a bit out of breath, now straddling your lower back. Your eyes squeeze shut when you feel his hands run down your sides, extremely slow. 

“There you go, just calm down,” He rubs your shoulders and drags his hands down your sides down to the dimples in your lower back, where he remains. He does this over and over, relishing in the way you seem to become pliant, less rigid. When you let out a small exhale he withdraws his hands and pushes his hair away from his face, “I get it now.” 

“What?...” You whisper.

With a deep sigh of relief, he lays down on your back in a bear hug. What is he doing? You whimper at the extra weight and heat but there’s nothing you can do to get away. He lays on top of you comfortably, not moving or saying anything, he just breathes in sync with you.

“I understand,” He groans against the shell of your ear, “you have to get this out of your system, I know you’ve got pent up frustration against me.” 

“I can’t stay down here, I can’t,” You bite your bottom lip, too confounded physically and emotionally to say anything more comprehensive, “I can’t...”

“Do you want to sleep upstairs?” He asks softly, lifting off of you so you can look back at him. When you nod, he gets up and pulls you to your feet. He can’t help but coo at your flushed face from all that crying, he brushes your cheek with his index finger.

“Come on, take my hand,” He looks at you with earnest eyes, urging you to take his extended hand, “it’s okay.” Carefully, you take his hand and you let him walk you upstairs, freeing you from that dark and lonely place. 

Thinking he’s going to take you to the spare room, you look to the left as he takes you further up the stairs. To your surprise, he turns right and your heart sinks straight into your stomach, you grow farther from the room and closer to his room. Not knowing how to react, you follow him, trying your best not to look terrified, you didn’t expect him to do this.

He leads you inside and closes the door, noticing your shock, he lets go of your hand. As if your feet were bolted to the floor, you stand where you are and watch him walk to his closet. 

“Where-...Where do I sleep?” You ask like a mouse, your voice barely coming to his ears.

“The bed.”

You breathe in and breathe out, it’s okay. You walk towards to the bed and sit on the edge, not undoing the bed-sheets or even getting near the pillow. You know you look awkward but you don’t feel comfortable. When he emerges from the closet, your eyes direct to what he’s holding, handcuffs? Not again.

When he sees that alarmed look in your sleepy gaze. He holds his hands up to show you that he means no harm, “It’s okay, don’t worry, I have to take extra precautions,” With one hand, he pulls the sheets back and stares at you with warm eyes. You start moving, but a little too slow for him, he drags you to the middle of the large bed by your arm like a rag-doll. 

“Lay down,” He pulls the sheets over you and then gets under himself, “I won’t do anything while you’re sleeping, I promise.” 

Taking his word, you do as he says and scoot further under the sheets to lay on your side, facing away from him. 

You’re so impossible. “Face me,” You feel his hand on your shoulder as he turns you over. He grabs your wrist, clicks one cuff on you, and the other on himself. 

Confused, you look at him then at your left hand and his right hand that is now bound by the metal restraint. 

“Don’t try anything stupid. I don’t trust you enough to let you roam free while I’m asleep.” He yawns, scooting a bit closer so that you’re not pulling his arm uncomfortably. “Sorry, you lost that privilege a while ago.”

This didn’t go as planned. He wasn’t supposed to take you to his bed, you weren’t supposed to have a breakdown and fight him, you were hoping it would go smoother than this. Now you’re laying in his king-sized bed, cuffed to him as you face each other.

His eyes are open and prying, enjoying being so close to your pretty face, he’s been waiting for this moment. You’re so entertaining to watch, he smirks when he notices you struggling to stay awake. Every few seconds, your eyelids would flutter a bit and you would frown, trying to keep them open despite your fatigue.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” You swallow the lump in your throat, feeling caught, “you should go to sleep,” He mumbles, rubbing your arm with his free hand, “I won’t go to sleep until you do, so we could do this all night, but I know you’re not gonna last.” He murmurs with a sleepy grin.

“Why did you break up with Jin?” His question is so sudden, it catches you off guard and you stammer, trying to figure how he knows that and how you should respond.

“How did you know that?...” 

“Just tell me why.”

“We were good friends, an- and it should have stayed that way,” You pause, a little shy to explain further, “we had two different lives that just weren’t compatible anymore, that’s it...”

He makes a sound of acknowledgment, satisfied with your answer. 

“I know you’ve been living alone for the last few years, I’m sure you got lonely after the breakup, you don’t have a lot of friends,” He keeps his hand on your shoulder, still rubbing gently, “but you seem okay. You do a lot of things to busy yourself, your job, volunteering, things like that...That’s good, you function well by yourself. But here, you seem so small and your independence is gone, you have to rely on me, you hate that don’t you? I’m sorry, I know you do...But I’m all you have, you’re starting to understand that,” 

His hand is warm, and you find yourself leaning into the feeling when he scoots even closer, your face now centimeters from his, “That’s good, you’re so good Y/n...” He praises you, nuzzling his head against yours.

“Hey, you know what’ll be fun? How about you ask me a question,” Sleepily, you shake your head no, and he frowns.

“Come on, there must be something you want to know,” He pries, pushing your hair aside so you can look up at him, “Ask me something, I’ll answer one question, then you can sleep.”

“Um...” You rake your tired mind for a question and one suddenly comes to mind, “What’s your name?...I- I don’t know your name...” 

“Good question,” He coos, “my name is Taehyung.” Finally, you know something about him, rather than him telling you any and everything you’ve ever done in your lifetime. You breathe in and shut your eyes, squeezing your fist and exhaling against his skin. 

You relax in his heavy embrace, you let him hold you and he sighs when he feels you succumb to sleep. He knows this isn’t real. He’s been in his line of work far too long to be played, even by someone he adores as much as you. Unbeknownst to you, he knows exactly what you’re doing but he’s letting you do it anyway, for selfish reasons. He knows the drill, become friends with the enemy, sleep with the enemy, and your chances of defeating the enemy increase. Despite being aware that you’re deceiving him, he doesn’t care. If it means he can hold you close and not be pushed away, it doesn’t matter how real or fake it is—he wants it anyway.