#but i want to be able to do it myself because i don't want them to have to do even more stuff for me

[grogumaximus]

Getting here was his lifelong dream. Is it how he imagined it?

"When you're a kid, you dream of just driving. Instead, I realized that F1 isn't just about getting in a car and racing, but there's also a lot more outside to learn to manage."

Did you also have to adapt your character, which has always been very friendly and open?

"I've changed a lot in the last year, to protect myself. I've realized that private things should remain private and I try to be careful."

Your debut in the rain surprised everyone. What do you like about racing in the wet?

"To be honest, I don't know. It's always come naturally to me in single-seaters. And to think that I didn't like it at all in karts."

In the rain in 2020 he had a bad accident in which he broke his leg. How do you get back into wearing a helmet after an episode like that?

"Maybe that's also why I didn't like the rain in karts. When I returned to the track the year after the accident I really struggled in the rain. I kept going thanks to passion and experience but initially it was a shock."

Was it difficult to overcome?

"Yes, because when something like this has never happened to you, you don't think it could happen to you. It takes time to accept it and to understand how to move forward, how to run without fear again."

This weekend he will be racing his first home race in F1. How exciting will it be?

"I'm so happy. On Friday I'll arrive directly from my house in Bologna and sleep in my own bed before going to the track. It's also my little sister's birthday, so I can celebrate with her."

Will there be someone special by his side?

"My whole family, my best friends and even my classmates. Since I can't go on school trips, I thought I'd take them to the track with me over the weekend."

His father is following him in all the races of the season. How does he help him?

"We analyze each session together to see where I can improve. And then dad is my rock, he is the one I can always count on and having his support in this very important year for me is fundamental."

Among the challenges of this year there will also be the Maturity exam to take. Are you ready?

"I'm a little nervous. Unfortunately I won't be able to take the exams with my classmates because I have competitions in that period, but I want to get there, also to make my mother proud, she means a lot to me."

He has an extraordinary memory: He can remember all the times he has achieved on the track over the years. Is this talent a help in F1?

"I'm not sure where this ability comes from. When I want to beat a time it sticks in my head and remembering the ones from previous years allows me to understand the conditions of the track. Let's say that in general it helps me to arrive prepared, but I don't do it on purpose, it just happens."

We often see you with Verstappen. Do you get along?

"I think people can get the wrong idea about Max: on the track he's an animal but off it he's a very nice guy. We really like GT and simulator racing, we have a lot in common."

You took Hamilton's place at Mercedes. Does the comparison weigh on you?

"No, because I know I'm not his replacement. I simply feel like the new Mercedes driver and I'm grateful for the opportunity that has been given to me."

His girlfriend Eliska was a go-kart racer. Is it important for her to know the environment?

"A lot. She doesn't compete anymore, she's chosen to focus on her studies, but the fact that she understands everything that goes into it helps me. And then when she comes with me to the paddock she knows how to move, I know that if I leave her alone she won't have any problems".

How is the relationship with Peter Bonnington, your race engineer?

"Very nice. At the beginning I saw him a bit tense because I'm a very physical guy, I like to hug people, touch them, and "Bono" wasn't used to it, he's more "British". Now that he's opening up I'm very happy when he comes to hug me".

Are the goals you set before the start of the season the same ones you have today?

"No, now they've got up. We have a competitive car and we've achieved some great results. Now I want the first podium, that's the next goal. And then we'll think about the first win."

Is there anything you miss about having a normal life?

"Since I was little I've gotten used to living a life different from my peers. But running is what I love, what I've always wanted to do and what I'll want to do for the rest of my life. Nothing really weighs me down."

[deadclockghost]

Mermay Day 10 - Net

When Sunny got caught :(

Normally they'd be able to cut through most fishing nets, and in fact, most pirate ships don't have them. They don't usually fish. But it seems this one was made specifically for them...

(This one was done in CSP instead of Sketchbook, which is why it has my usual watermark, ignoring the fact that I tend to forget to put them regardless, and is also a slightly bigger image, because I wanted to check just how rusty I'd gotten at using it, and there are certain things that Sketchbook simply cannot do.)

(PS: I am delayed on these more than I'd like, but several life events have happened recently to me and my family, so the fact there is even one today is more than I can expect from myself rn. We do what we can over here!)

[lastofthewardens]

i know hearing the same interview responses over and over is getting annoying, so i don't blame anyone for being upset about hearing it another time because it's discouraging.

but i just wanted to give an alternate take on that answer about foggy that i think is a little unique because of my position.

for context, i personally don't think foggy is coming back. my nuanced feeling is that i'm like 90/10 on the issue because i said i'd stop letting myself get baited if vanessa explicitly wanted foggy dead, and i drew my line in the sand there.

so my interpretation of a lot of different things coming from this team is usually pretty uncharitable and i honestly feel like many things being said are rooted in baiting angry fans into watching s2 hoping he'll be back.

but if you're a foggy is alive truther or just someone who isn't being as cynical about this as me, i don't think this answer today is really anything to worry about.

charlie's been saying this exact same quote about foggy's death for months. i've noticed a pattern almost every time where he seems to talk genuinely about foggy and then segues into what is clearly a coached answer that he's "allowed" to say. because when he talks about his own personal feelings, it changes and varies, and he's made it clear multiple times through words and emotion that he doesn't agree with the decision, sometimes much more openly than i ever would've expected an actor to do.

then after, when he segues into what i believe to be coached PR answers, these quotes about 'starting off with a bang' and 'no one feeling safe' are all worded and phrased exactly the same. i think these are things he's told to say. i remember there was even one interview where someone else cut in because he kept talking about how much they were losing out on by not having foggy, and they interrupted him to be like 'but also we get lots of new stuff!' lmao.

i think if we're going to take anything away from this, it should be the fact that charlie notably said some fans are rightfully angry, and this was before he segued into those PR answers.

if you're like me, that's pretty validating in my opinion. he's made it as clear as he can without getting in trouble that he doesn't agree with the decision, and he's now telling the fans they're valid for being upset. i don't really think he could say more than that even if he wanted to, and he's said more validating things than anyone else involved besides elden. it also means that they're seeing the fans' anger, which surprised me considering how much people try to shout down disappointed fans. they're seeing it, we know for sure now, and this is why it's so important you guys keep talking and keep asking for foggy.

and if you're a foggy is alive truther, this is actually even a good thing. because it's clear to me that nobody is allowed to talk about foggy for whatever reason. even elden hasn't really been able to talk about it much beyond that he felt bad for fans and that he's grateful for the love and that he loves foggy. my take is that the people who make these decisions about what they can and can't talk about are baiting to make angry fans watch s2, and maybe also hoping the less they talk about it the backlash will go away, but in a world where the 10% of the 90/10 comes to pass, it could just as easily be that they can't 'spoil it' like they claimed in that one interview.

but yeah, i mean. this is a nothing answer really. it didn't make me feel better or worse. it just sort of made me feel a little annoyed that they won't talk about it further.

but most importantly, everyone telling you you're not valid for being upset or angry is wrong, and you can point them to charlie's answer next time they try to shout you down.

[prattpunk]

What does it feel like to sink to spirals?

*Warning hypnotic language and touching. Read in a safe place.

This may sound strange but I am not really one for spirals. I understand the lore and why so many are drawn to them. However, I never find myself captivated in the way that many others are. So I started to wonder, how does it feel for those that are caught by spirals?

How deeply do you get pulled into those spirals?

Is it like you feel your mind slipping into it? Trying to get to the bottom that never actually comes. Trying to focus on it more and more until you don't know how long you have been staring. Enjoy the blankness that pure and total focus gives you. So focused that nothing else matters. The world fades away as you stare. Stare at the center. Trying to find where it starts or ends.

Or is it more like your mind becomes one with the spiral. You follow that sinking feeling. Letting yourself give into it as you go deeper with each spin. Feeling the mixture of lights, color, and motion bend your mind. Swirling up consciousness. Not knowing if you are up or down. But it doesn't really matter because as it keeps going round and round, you lose more and more of yourself. You become the spiral. Forever spinning. Forever sinking. Forever going down......down......down.

Or is it more of a portal back to past trances that you have had. Like a signal for your mind to shut off? To look and feel that mild sinking feeling and let yourself sink completely down like you have done before. Back down to how deep you have been before. Just waiting for that spiral to signal to your brain that its OK to sink. Sink back down so deep. So effortless. So easily. To just look and sink. Its just that simple.

And I wonder once you get really deep, if thoughts of obedience come back. All those words in those GIFs come back. To be a good girl again. To want to please again. To want to obey again. To be compliant again. To be horny again. Because when there is no real thoughts, there is nothing holding back the need. The need to get off. Its only natural. We are meant to search out pleasure. And when you are not actively thinking, your lizard brain comes out. And you need to fuck. You need to feel good. And its ok to feel good. Its feels good to submit. It feels good to be controlled.

Isn't so nice to not have to think? Isn't it so nice to be so horny.

Isn't it so nice to be a good girl and just do as your told.

Isn't it nice to let go and feel your horniness build as your submissiveness grow with it. Linked as you sink. Bonded as you go deeper. Hornier and more controlled. Aroused and obedient. Needy and ready.

You body is just responding. Finding ways to make you feel even better. Touching. Teasing. Caressing. You know exactly how to best touch. So do it.

Let yourself feel pleasure. Let your mind link that with obedience. With being deep. With being a good girl.

Everything feels so much better when you are deep. Everything feels so much better when you are controlled. Everything is so much better when you give in....completely.

So enjoy this. Enjoy the pleasure. Enjoy the control. Enjoy the depth.

Enjoy all sensations. And when you are finally ready, let your mind return to you. Still feeling horny and obedient. Because it feels so good to be this way.

Doesn't it?

I do wonder how you were touching. I might be able to learn something. lol.

Hope you had a good time.

[requiem-for-a-raisin]

The Past Records: William & Victor - Part 4

*Fan translation for funsies! IP owned by Cybird, translations are my own and may be inaccurate. See About page for more info.*

WARNING: Contains major spoilers for Victor’s route.

:readmore:

Today marks the fifth anniversary of Crown's founding, and as promised, we uncorked the wine from that day.

Victor

"Um, Will? Count William Rex?"

William

"Yeah, I can hear you. 'Bring me some water'...? Bring it?"

Victor

"Well, that's the wall, isn't it? And I don't know if you're aware of it, but you just commanded the wall."

As we finished our wine and reminisced,

I noticed something strange about William.

His expression is normal, but his cheeks are red, and he orders someone to bring water in a direction where no one is around.

William

"You've made another secret passage in Crown Castle, haven't you?"

William

"There must be countless passages beneath that lake, like an ant's nest."

Victor

"Yeah, well, aside from what you know about that, I'm over here. That’s a shelf."

He leans back on the sofa, and surprisingly, he doesn't seem to have a high tolerance for alcohol...

(I've got a good idea)

I'm starting to find this interesting, so I open my mouth.

Victor

"Will loves me!"

William

"Yeah, that's true."

Victor

"Will hates that old man with glasses from the Privy Council!"

William

"Yeah, I think that'd be great."

Victor

"Let's hold hands and go on a date!"

William

"Ahh...”

Victor

"Tssssss!!"

William

"You're writhing around in agony, what's wrong?"

Victor

"No, nothing... hehe, hahaha..."

(I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe...!)

I can't help but find him hilarious, staring at me with a calm face.

Maybe because I see him normally acting all serious, I find him adorable.

I take a deep breath to calm my laughter, then hand him a glass of water.

Victor

"Here's the water, be careful not to spill it."

William

"Thank you."

William drank it down swiftly, lowered his eyes, and smiled.

William

"Five years has flown by in the blink of an eye."

Victor

"Yeah, a lot has happened, but before I knew it, five years had passed."

Since that day five years ago, we have condemned all the evil that is rampant in this country.

Just the two of us, every time.

William

"Now that I think of it, you said that you found some men who may have been cursed."

Victor

“I’m going to contact them sometime. Maybe they will join the crown."

If there are three or four more people in the crown from just two, by the time we reach the 10-year milestone, this castle may be bustling with activity.

Victor

“But two crowns are fun too. We are more like partners than an organization! I guess that's what it's like."

William

“Indeed."

William giggles, puts down his glass and crosses his fingers.

William

“I'm really glad you're here.”

Victor

“Huh?"

William

“Five years ago, after I killed my father, I decided to destroy the Golden Butterfly by myself."

William

“But there was only so much I could have done at 14."

Victor

“Not at all, I'm sure you could have done well."

William

“I could have done it to a certain extent."

William

“But I don't know if I was able to give people freedom and be self-righteous enough."

His strong-willed eyes, unchanged since the first time I saw him, caught my eye.

William

"I'm so glad it was you who reached out to me that day."

Victor

“...I feel the same way."

He puts down his wineglass and looks back at me.

Victor

"Because you were there, my unrealistic vision became reality."

Victor

"Do you know how much I was saved that day when you took my hand?"

We look at each other and smile.

But he had a lonely look on his face.

William

"Even though I've received so much, I still haven't been able to set you free."

William

"That's something that's been bothering me... ever since."

(...You're a kind person.)

Even if that was just his own self-righteousness, I feel that I have been saved.

Victor

"You were the only one who said that you wanted to set me free, Will."

Victor

"You're the only person in my life who wished for my freedom."

Victor

"That alone is more than enough to save me."

When my life ends, if there's anyone I remember until the end, it'll be him who wished for my freedom, and the girl who saved my heart.

William

"I don't want you to be satisfied with this, Vic."

William suddenly stands up and smiles.

William

"Evil hasn't disappeared yet. I'll continue to condemn it."

William

"Maybe there will be a moment when you will be freed in the process?"

And this time he holds out his hand to me.

William

"I'll continue to count on you, my partner in crime."

I smiled and took his hand.

William

"And my one and only irreplaceable friend."

A tragic end awaits us.

No matter how hard we struggle, it will not change, and it's the ending of a fairy tale that we don't know when it will come.

(But I hope our friendship will last a little longer.)

We shook hands, hoping that our friendship would continue until the day the fairy tale ended.

Two "crowns" shone above each of our heads.

[aro-culture-is]

Questioning aro culture is am I actually aro? Maybe I just have commitment issues? But i don't see the appeal of being in a romantic relationship so maybe I am? But the thought of being in any kind of intimate relationship makes me anxious so maybe I am just emotionally unavaliable and i should work on that? Why is it so difficult to understand myself?!

(Someone please help me)

I would avoid phrasing it as "making you [anxious, mad, etc]", due to having a therapist sister who regularly goes on rants about how important it is to own your own emotions, ie, "I feel anxious about this", not "[they, the emotions] make me feel...". some things I'd recommend asking yourself, privately, and without judgement:

"Am I afraid because I am used to feeling unsafe/insecure/unwanted in relationships, and safety is not familiar? If so, how might I practice feeling familiar in safety? How might I practice making my unsafe relationships less unsafe, or less frequently encountered? Who might be able to help keep me accountable to these plans? Can I start writing/journaling about this process to see my progress and avoid doubting myself when that happens?"

And note, when I say "without judgement", I mean like. It's okay if you feel like you should feel safe but don't. That's just an observation. It's okay if you feel a way, and it's okay if you feel bad for feeling that way, and you don't need to ruminate on it. You can write that down, and you can give yourself permission to move on to the next question or thought. It's okay.

You don't need to interrogate yourself. Often, especially if you don't have a lot of safe or healthy relationships (a common component in folks who are nervous of intimate relationships of all kinds) you are taught to be the first cruel voice, to shut down any thoughts less safe individuals might not appreciate, and learning to stop doing that is a part of the healing process. Your thoughts, emotions, and actions influence each other, but they are different. Thinking and feeling are not actions, and it's okay to recognize that maybe acting on them is not polite, but you don't have to do that! They don't control you. You simply are thinking or feeling that way. "I feel, I think" - not "it made me so angry I..."

Things will get better. Healing is not linear, and you will have both improvements and setbacks, and that is normal and okay. As you examine what safe relationships feel like, I think that will help settle what relationships you do like and want for yourself.

[yandere-sins]

Angelfish

One simply cannot have enough mermaids in MerMay. Thank you all for voting here! I was surprised by some of the results, but I am happy with them! I hope I can do some more stories like this ♥

Edit after writing: This was a fever dream. I don't know how it happened and if you find mistakes, you can keep them because it's three in the morning and I am contemplating my life choices :') This was just an unexpected wild ride and I couldn't stop after starting. What a crazy experience, ngl. Lowkey really did enjoy it though, and I hope you guys do, too! I am just so happy to finally have been able to write for my lovely Sunday, even if it's an AU ♥

Edit edit: THIS IS 7K WORDS WTF!!! Haven't written so much in ages and in one go!!!! Oh my god!!! Correcting this the day after is a whole different kind of fever dream, what the hell did I take yesterday!!! I hate myself for having to edit this but also a little proud of myself ngl.

Character: Yandere!Siren!Sunday (HSR) x GN!Reader Words: ~7k Warnings: Yandere, Sexual Content (Dub-Con Touches, Sexual Harrassment, Attempted Non-Con, Kissing), Violence (Murder, Blood Mention, Death by Animal, Fear of Death) Monster (Claws, Sharp Teeth, Instinctual Behavior, Animalistic Behavior, Territorialism), Possessiveness, Themes of Creatures in Captivity, Reader being delulu and delulu turning into the harsh reality very fast, Manipulation

Words could not describe how beautiful he was.

People had informed you about the allure of the creature behind the glass before the first time you met him. How one glance of him made you want to lay your life at his feet—or, well, his tail. Everyone who had been interviewed after the experience of seeing him had been unable to find words to describe their experience, or even just the feelings they had at that moment. His pure existence stunned everyone into silence, and you were no exception.

Sunday, they had lovingly named him after the day they caught him. The fisher who pulled him from the Amazonian river was now a rich man, but he had not believed the creature caught in his net when he first saw it. Sunday was neither human nor fish, although he looked like both at the same time. With his iridescent scales that covered even some parts of his skin and the graceful movements of his tail in the water, he was nothing like you and every other human. His eyes were filled with unknown wisdom, and his features moved eerily similar to those of any human you knew, yet completely different.

To you, he was like an angel.

If mermaids or sirens existed, so must angels, and he was the closest being resembling them.

It had been months now since his appearance on this earth. Months of him swimming in the aquarium in your hometown, making it a tourist hotspot overnight. And every day since the grand opening of his enclosure, you had come to visit him, even if just to see a glimpse of him.

You'd never know if he'd notice you in the crowds of millions that came to see him, too. But you had to admit that he became an obsession for you. Most people came and went, never seeing him again, but with the luxury of living nearby, you couldn't help it. Your thoughts circled constantly around this strange creature, even when you were at work or at home. It was as if he had put you into a trance, even your dreams filled with the images of him.

Sunday affected everyone, and yet, no one as much as you.

"We ask all visitors to make their way towards the exit, and thank you for your visit. We look forward to welcoming you again in our aquarium another time!"

The announcement made your heart ache as you watched the beautiful creature sway through the water, billowing fins shimmering in the artificial lighting. They looked almost like veils, sometimes hiding him from the eyes as he moved. Sunday was majestic, even as he swam restlessly from side to side of his aquarium, never stopping. The sight, as beautiful as it was, made you sad, and you tore your eyes from him, your gaze falling to the plaque with his description.

Pterophyllum - Angelfish "Sunday"

It fit him so well. A little mermaid-symbol was next to his name and the assumed species, making it clear who this plaque belonged to. Behind you, most people slowly walked through the tunnel, leaving this scene and the siren behind. Most would never return while you stood there, brushing your fingers over the engraved letters. No matter how many times you tried to stay away, you couldn't bring yourself to. Was it pity for the poor, captured creature, or just your selfish need to keep seeing him, that put him into this spot in the first place? Without people like you, he could be released into his home, even though the thought filled you with dread.

A sudden bonk against the glass in front of you made you jolt wide awake, your eyes widening as you came face to face with the most beautiful person you had ever seen. Even close-up, he was as perfect as a statue chiseled in marble.

Your mouth opened to say something, but as if in front of a superstar, you couldn't say a word. He wouldn't even understand it through the glass, you assumed, yet you had never been this close to him, making you greedy for more interaction.

With a shivering hand, you slowly reached forward to where his rested against the glass. A shuddering breath escaped you as you saw your hand against his palm, bigger than yours, yet even the clawed tips didn't scare you.

Looking back at his face, his lips twitched, the corners eventually turning upwards into a smile, making you realize he wasn't used to the expression, but he learned it—for you. Your dreams and delusions were coming true as you laughed, realizing only when the sound escaped you that it was a sob instead. Tears were running down your face as you placed your second hand on the glass as well, and Sunday's expression turned confused, then worried, before he quickly put his other hand against yours.

You doubted you'd ever react like this to anyone but this creature.

Not even the greatest superstar in the world could elicit these feelings. Feelings of being seen. You had wondered countless nights if he knew of your existence since you visited him daily. If, maybe, he thought of you, too—if that was something a siren could do. He's not like you, you kept reminding yourself. He wouldn't love you the way you loved him.

Because that's what it was, right? Love.

You loved this creature with all his abhorrent, uncanny features. You should be appalled by the sharp teeth, claws, scales, and lack of feet. The billowing fins and the gills at the side of his neck, but instead, you loved him. Even if it was just a siren curse or something similar that bewitched you, you wanted to be with him no matter what.

No matter what.

"Hey, you come here often," a voice suddenly rang out behind you. Flinching back to reality, you quickly wiped your tears away, not noticing the sound of sharp claws scratching against the glass where your hand had been. You turned around to find a guy in a staff-shirt standing before you, hands in his pocket and smiling.

"Yeah," you quickly replied, hoping he didn't see that you just cried about your strange crush recognizing you. "I really like the exhibit."

"That's great! He's--woah!"

The man stepped back in surprise, raising his arms as if he were about to be attacked. But he wasn't looking at you; instead, behind you, and you turned around, confused about his reaction.

Instead of seeing Sunday's lovely face, you only saw his tail as he had straightened up, hovering above you in the overhead pool, completely still. You took a step back, and his body instantly relaxed, using fluid motions as he lowered himself to meet your gaze. Once again, his lips attempted to smile, and you touched the glass as you couldn't help but chuckle. Sunday immediately touched his palm to yours again, his grin widening, too, exposing the sharp teeth hidden behind his lips.

"Damn, that was scary..." the man behind you mumbled and you furrowed your brows, giving him a weirded out look.

"What do you mean? He's an angel."

Staring at Sunday behind you, the man slowly peeled his eyes off him and looked at you with bewilderment. "Did you not... Well, whatever. It's closing time."

"Oh," you whispered, shoulders sagging. "Too bad, I wish I could spend more time with him."

Turning back to Sunday, you saw your disappointed expression in the glass, his eyes widening as he tried to read you. He was so clever! Much too good to be held in an aquarium. Sunday was learning and studying the humans; he wasn't just an ordinary animal to be held captive.

"Well. If you like him that much, how about I show you behind the scenes?"

Immediately, your head snapped forward to the man again, your eyes wide and sparkling. "Can I? You're not joking, right? You can really get me closer to him?"

Pulling your hand away, you stepped towards the man as if possessed. This was your chance! Probably the only one you'd ever have, but it didn't really matter. Behind you, something hit the glass violently, but you paid it no mind as you closed the distance.

"Please. Please let me see him, I'd do anything for a chance!"

"Anything, huh..." the man rubbed his chin thoughtfully before he grinned. "It's not exactly legal, you know. But if you are that interested, I could make an exception. Just remember that if they catch us, neither of us will ever set foot in here again, you understand? You have to be really quiet, no matter what happens."

"Yes! Yes, I understand! I'll be quiet, I won't tell anyone."

"That's good, then. Let's go."

He nodded his head towards the end of the glass hallway, where the staff went for feedings and cleaning. With your heart threatening to jump out of your chest, you followed, glancing at Sunday, who swam with you towards the door. His expression was closest to confusion, as if he didn't understand what was going on. Little did he know you'd see him for real soon. That you'd be close enough to touch him, even.

Heading through the door, the staff member looked left and right before waving you through, and you quickly followed. The air was stuffy and had a strange scent, but you were too excited to be concerned about it. You followed the man through the dimly lit hallway and up a metal staircase, higher and towards the top of the enclosure, you assumed.

Before you saw it, you heard the bubbling of water, the rumbling of machines that kept it saturated with anything it could need to host a multitude of creatures. The man pulled a bundle of keys out of his pocket, going through them one by one to find the right one to unlock a door leading further inside the preparation room.

"You didn't hear it from me, but there's been a rumor that that poor fish is dying."

The man said it so casually while testing out one of the keys, as if it didn't bother him at all. Meanwhile, you felt your heart plummet from your throat way down into your stomach as you listened to him over the rumbling of the machines.

"What?" you exclaimed, immediately halting your excitement. "You mean Sunday? The siren?"

"Yeah. Something about his behavior seems to be similar to dying fish, or so. They say he might be lonely and that is killing him."

Another failed attempt made the man curse under his breath while you felt yourself zoning out. He was... dying? Your poor, innocent angel was slowly withering away in that pool, and you didn't even notice it? Sure, he used to hide more when he first came to the aquarium, but you simply assumed he got used to the people staring at him. Then again, even you had noticed his restlessness. The way he kept swimming back and forth, always high above everyone. It had been beautiful to look at, but the reality was much more cruel than you expected.

"Isn't there something we can do?" you asked, your voice cracking as you felt the tears return to your eyes.

"Find him another mermaid, I guess. I wouldn't know, I just throw food into the enclosures. There we go!"

The lock clicked, and the door swung open as you stood there, petrified by dread. Humans hadn't found any sign of life from sirens before. It had been pure luck that someone captured one. You doubted they'd manage to get another in the time that Sunday still had left.

"Are you coming?" the man called out, and although your heart was heavy, you walked after him, every step filled with despair and anticipation at the same time. You'd still get to meet him, probably as one of the few to ever have that honor. But you'd go home, knowing it could have been the last time you ever saw him.

You couldn't let that stop you, even if it hurt.

In the middle of the room was a big opening. A crane hung above it, and you assumed it was to get to Sunday as stress-free as possible if the staff members had to. It was hard to believe that they actually thought they could take care of a creature like him in this simulated home and keep him healthy and happy, but at least it brought you two together.

Slowly, you walked towards the opening, feeling more nervous by the second. Thoughts like, "What if he doesn't come?" and "What if he doesn't like me?" swirled through your mind, and yet, you pushed through until you could lower yourself next to the entrance. The metal grates pressed into your skin, but you gave them no mind as you peered into the dark blue. It was almost too dark to see, but Sunday was a beautiful, iridescent creature, you were sure you'd make him out inside the water.

Collecting all your courage and inhaling deeply, you plunged your face into the wet, forcing your eyes open despite the stinging sensation. How else could you grab his attention and make him come to you? But despite your courage, you feared not being noticed by him. Perhaps the recognition you felt while still behind the glass had been a fluke since you were one of the last people in the exhibit?

Your thoughts strayed everywhere until you felt bubbles on your skin. At first, you thought it was your own air getting thin and escaping, but from the deep blue depths, a light appeared, even if it was blurry with your watered vision. You wanted to gasp when the shape became clearer, but you couldn't move an inch, even as his nose brushed against yours, your eyes staring straight into Sunday's.

How unfortunate it was to not have gills to breathe in the water. Despite your best efforts to hold your breath, you couldn't do it for very long, pulling back just as Sunday opened his mouth as if to speak to you. Could he even talk? You didn't know, but you were coughing as your lungs demanded air desperately and your dreams of being even closer to him shattered as you found yourself back in the room above the tank.

"Man, are you alright? I was going to give you some fish to lure him, were you trying to get bitten?"

"He-- He wouldn't--" you sputtered, attempting to get the strangely tasting water out of your mouth and nose, rubbing your palms over your face to wipe off any remainders.

"Oh, believe me. That freak's an animal. He's bitten all of us at least once in his time here."

The man passed you a towel, which you used to dry your face. You were finally able to see again by the time your lungs calmed down, and you turned towards him with complete conviction. "No, he wouldn't hurt me! He's an angel, I know it!"

"Hey, you really need to see him for what he is. He's just like any other fish. The only difference is his face being slightly similar to ours."

Heaving a sigh, the man squatted beside you, staring down into the dark. "See?" he pointed down, and you followed his gaze. However, the water was even less clear than before, dust clouds rising from the ground. In them, you sometimes saw a flash of light, but it disappeared just as quickly.

"He's doing fish things again. Fighting some poor guppy. That guy even hunted the sharks we put into the tank with him; he's ruthless."

"Maybe they weren't a good fit for him?" you defended his behavior, the dust growing thicker and thicker. Was he panicking? Did your appearance disturb him in any way? It broke your heart to think you did any harm to him, but one could never know. There was painfully little that anyone knew about sirens, and perhaps you had triggered some instinct he now had to battle alone.

"Maybe," the guy shrugged, not really interested in finding out what was happening. Taking a deep breath, he turned towards you, his gummy soles squeaking against the metal, and you looked at him, his lips curling into a grin.

"So... you got a name? I've noticed you around the aquarium many times, and I've always wanted to speak to you. Remember when you said you'd do everything for a chance to see the siren? How about you and I get to know each other a little better in return for my help?"

He looked down at your thigh, his hand following his gaze as he leaned forward. "If you know what I mean."

"What? No!" pushing the man's hand off, you scooted back as best as you could on the unyielding material beneath you. He couldn't be serious, right?! You only said that to show how much you wanted this chance to be closer to Sunday! That you'd be quiet and behave, not that you'd bang some stranger!

"Come on, don't be like that! I did what you wanted. It's only fair that you help me out with my problem now!"

Instead of backing off, the man followed you, getting on top of you with your legs between his. Panic kicked in as you realized this was really happening; that he was serious about you repaying the favor with sex. Immediately, you sprang into action, pushing at his shoulders while you tried to pull your legs out from under him. All you had to do was get up and bolt back where you came from, and you'd be safe. You doubted he'd be as fast as you, given he was already unbuckling his belt.

Your plan was well-thought-through, but at the first motion of slamming your hand into the side of his neck, he caught you, pushing your hand down and banging your wrist painfully against the grate. With your body twisting unnaturally, you didn't manage to get your leg high enough to kick him, and even if you had, he was one step ahead, sitting down on top of your knees.

"It sucks when they fight," he grunted, using all his strength to keep your struggling limbs at bay. "Just enjoy it, will you?!"

A sob escaped your mouth as the reality of the situation hit you. All you had wanted was to spend time with your crush. Be near him, speak to him, touch him maybe. You didn't mean for any of this to happen, your body shaking with anger and the dread of feeling helpless.

"No!" you screamed, hoping that someone—anyone—would hear you.

"Shut up! That was the condition, remember? If someone hears you, neither of us will set a foot in here again! We'll both be thrown out and you won't see your precious fish-monster again, do you understand?!"

You whimpered as the man laid down the consequences clearly. Living without Sunday... it was too hard to imagine. You'd never be able to see him again—perhaps he'd even die here, scared and alone without a face he recognized! If you endured this, you could be with him at least, but every time that man touched you, your body lashed out violently, not wanting it.

"Stop!" you pleaded, tears falling from your eyes. "I don't want this! Stop! Stop, please!"

"Too late," he grunted, and you cried out loudly as he tore on the waistband of your pants, trying to get them off. "I did my part, now it's your turn."

"No!" you cried, squeezing your eyes shut, unable to look at him or yourself any longer. The feeling of violation and disgust had already set in, and you could no longer fight it or the stranger. All you could do was shut out the reality and think of other things, better things.

Sunday and his sweet smile that he had shown only to you.

How you imagined his palms would feel holding your hand and the sweet sounds he'd make resting in your lap. The bubbling of water as you two drifted on the surface, and you told him about your day. The splashing of this tail as you rode him over the waves. The hissing as he hunted prey, the screams of people he attacked, the hot, wet feeling on your skin--

Opening your eyes, you were suddenly aware that the sounds you thought about were much too real to just be imaginary. Hesitantly, afraid of what you might see, you looked up to the side, not blinking as you stared at the horror that unfolded right above you. The man's bulging eyes, his hands caught in larger, blue-ish white ones, blood dripping from his wrists where claws dug into them.

The stomach-churning cracking of bones could be heard even over the sounds of machinery, and the man gurgled as Sunday's jaw pressed tighter into his neck. It wasn't a question if he would bite through; it was only a question of time. More blood squirted out of the wound, hitting your face, your chest, and your legs.

Even though you wanted to, you couldn't look away. The man's eyes lowered to meet yours. He gasped weakly, "Help. Me," before groaning out loudly in pain, the sound suddenly cutting off as his neck broke, head falling to the side like you had only ever seen in horror movies.

Abruptly, he was gone.

His lifeless body was thrown off you and into the water behind Sunday, a chunk of the man's neck still hanging from his mouth. You anticipated him to eat it, but he spat it out as if it was too disgusting to consume, the mauled flesh landing only a few inches away from you with a squelch. And now, you were alone.

Alone with the monster.

There was nothing angelic about Sunday anymore. Your Sunday was beautiful and kind. Not a bad bone in his body! But this... this thing in front of you was nothing like him. Bathed in blood that added a hellish gleam to his white scales, his once beautiful golden eyes now dark as if he were possessed. His light gray hair was spotted with red, making some strands look like horns on top of his head, and his whole skin was covered with layers of blood.

"Mine," he spoke very clearly, and you gulped for the first time, feeling your own body again as the shock subsided. No, the shock didn't go away—it changed. Changed into the strength needed to flee. The man might have deserved it, but still, Sunday killed him. There was no longer any guarantee of your safety, and your body was screaming at you to run! He was just a fish, right? He couldn't follow where you went!

With a high-pitched squeak, you made the mistake of turning onto your belly completely, scrambling to get away. But with a sickening thud, your head banged against the metal, a gigantic hand pressing you down as your brain shook inside your skull. It was followed by more weight spreading over your body like a blanket, your lower back, butt, legs—all pinned to the grate as Sunday's tail weight them down.

"P-Please," you whimpered, not knowing what to do. If he could talk, maybe he could understand you, too? Perhaps he had enough of a hunt that night and would let you go?

But instead, you listened as Sunday let out an animalistic, goosebump-inducing snarl while he lowered his head next to yours. You felt his head-fins fall over you, one on each side and clinging to your skin. You had always admired their aesthetic as they looked like little wings next to his angelic face, but now they only gave you a slight comfort as they surrounded you like blood-stained veils, shielding you from sight. At least you wouldn't have to see your death coming, but it was horrifying nonetheless as the fins stuck to you, threatening to envelop you in them.

"Finally," he cooed, his voice suddenly softening. One of his arms snaked beneath your body, turning and lifting you, while his other hand landed on the top of your head, gently combing his fingers through your hair. It was impossible for his claws not to nick you here and there, but despite your flinching, they were only small wounds, nothing as deadly as he had done to the man.

Small chortles escaped Sunday as he pressed his cheek to yours, fins, scales, and skin touching you in alternation, giving you a sickening warm feeling in your stomach. This was all you had ever wanted, yet it horrified you, making you bury your nails in his shoulders as you tried to get away. But your well-being suddenly changed as a rumble went through Sunday, remaining in his chest until you recognized what it was.

A purr.

Nothing made sense anymore. None of what you knew or thought to know about this creature seemed to be right or even close to the truth. You let out a yelp as Sunday suddenly turned you two over, sitting you down on top of his stomach while he lay beneath you, chortling and looking up at you with unreadable emotions in his eyes.

His arms helped you stay upright for a while, but the moment they let go, you simply collapsed, both the panic and shock making you fall limp, fear making you pliant. Lying on top of his chest, Sunday hugged you tightly, curling into himself and wrapping the upper part of his tail and his fins around you like a happy clam. Your head was pressed just above his heart, the sound of it unnaturally fast and echo-y inside him, interrupted only when he started to purr again.

"W-Wait! Stop!" you mumbled against his bloody skin. But instead of listening to you, Sunday rolled side to side, threatening to crush you every time your arm or leg went under him. He was chirping and chortling away merrily, not responding in a language you could communicate in. Didn't he understand you? He could talk, but perhaps he wasn't far enough with practicing human language to understand it?

Or maybe he didn't want to understand.

His hands rubbed your back, one driving lower, brushing your thigh and moving to your shin before grabbing you there. With his head crooked to the side, he looked at what must have been very strange to him. He observed your flinching leg and tensing toes with as much interest as only a half-fish, half-man could. All while every squeeze and every graze of his claws made your fear spike.

For months, you had imagined this moment. The curious exploration of bodies, the closeness, and the happiness you'd feel to be with him. Now, all you felt was the betrayal of yourself as you wanted to get away, your blood-stained clothes clinging to you like a constant, stinging warning. Sunday was so cold to the touch, so deadly in your mind now. Completely different from the sweet, angelic being you thought him to be all this time. It was hard to follow how quickly your feelings had changed, or really, how much you were suddenly confronted with the reality of it all. All you knew was that you had to get away. That you wouldn't stand a chance if his interest in you waned.

Had he really changed that much? Beneath you, albeit now more red than the iridescent white of his skin, was still the same Sunday you had visited every day. The majestic creature with shimmering scales and the same fluid motions despite his massive size, although his fins were drying up now that he was out of the water. Even so, his eyes seemed to sparkle as he explored you, a red tint spreading all over him from the tip of his ears to the back of his hands, even where the blood hadn't splattered.

It felt like waking from a dream, but it had never been a good one. Even if it looked beautiful at first, it had still been a nightmare, and now that your beloved Sunday had killed someone without any regard or hesitation, you were realizing its true nature. His true nature. As little as you wanted to think about him, that man had been right—Sunday was a monster. A beautiful, but unpredictable one.

And if you didn't get away, he'd kill you, too, you were sure.

Slowly, you lifted yourself off his chest. His limbs were all around you, but they followed your motions, bent and adapted with cautious curiosity. Sunday watched all you did with a haunting intensity, but when you shook your leg, he finally let go of it, learning what you wanted from him bit by bit.

For a moment, you allowed yourself to look down at him. Your once so beautiful crush so close and all yours for just that tiny bit of time you two had together. But even now, you couldn't fool yourself, couldn't pretend the blood wasn't there and you hadn't seen him maul that man to death. He had saved you, and you were grateful, but he was a danger to you now, one that you couldn't risk staying with, no matter how much you would have wanted to just a few minutes prior.

Careful to not step on his fins, you slowly found the ground next to his body again. Everything you did was deliberate and non-threatening. No eye contact, your hands hanging limply at your side. When you rose back into a stand, it felt like you were moving in slow motion, controlling even the depth of your breath despite the sting in your lungs.

Sunday trilled as you distanced yourself from him, the lack of your warmth perhaps concerning him as he reached for your arm, holding on to it with an iron grip and making you stop completely in your motion. He used the time to follow, to sit up and tangle himself around your legs and hips like algae, threatening you to once again drown in him if you didn't get away fast enough.

Slowly, you lifted your hand, carefully, gently placing it on top of his head, trying not to scare or trigger him. He chortled happily, pushing upwards into your palm, soft, slick strands of hair getting tangled in your fingers as you petted him gently. Distracted, he rubbed his face into your stomach, reveling in your touch while you stepped out of his hold, his hands always finding other places to be connected with you, but you kept avoiding them until they were brushing you loosely at best.

That's when you made the boldest move so far, stepping one leg on the other side of him, knowing that sprinting ahead would only lead to you running directly into him, Sunday being like a wall you had to avoid. He was still enjoying your pets, ever so often looking up at you with his beautiful, golden eyes, almost perfectly mimicking a look of happiness and satisfaction on his face. His gaze seemed almost adoring, and your heart throbbed with the pain of having to escape a monster that looked at you as if you were a rare treasure.

You didn't think he would understand quickly enough, as you suddenly bolted, stumbling over his limbs and crashing your knee into the grated floor once again before you were out of his grasp. Sunday was everywhere, but you kept your eyes on the exit, not caring if you stepped on him as you escaped. You'd not get another chance.

His heavy body flung around, fins hitting you as you heard him hiss. A loud wail escaped him as you crashed into one of the machines, almost sounding like worry, and you desperately tried to regain your footing after losing your balance because of the creature's movements. The space was too small for you both to move, but you had to win this battle—your life depended on it!

And you did, with aghast surprise, win, the door slamming back into its lock with a loud bang. You clung to the lattice, but with a gasp withdrew your hands as Sunday crashed into it, the metal bending from the weight he was throwing against it. He was stretching his claws through the gaps, trying to grab you, and you could only watch as he wound himself and hissed angrily, so much frustration in his movements, while his expression was beastly like that of a rabid animal.

You couldn't move, couldn't breathe as you watched him throw his tantrum, now even more convinced that he wanted to kill you. It made your heart ache sorrowfully, to know the person you loved wished your death, but it was just his nature, wasn't it?

With wobbly knees, you slowly got up, ready to try and find your way home, leaving all of this behind you. Your mind faded out the sounds he made as you turned around to walk away. At least, until it grew too quiet for even your brain to fool you, and you looked back over your shoulder.

Like a pitiful mass of blood-drenched fish parts, Sunday had stopped thrashing and fighting with the metal door that thankfully held him back. Instead, shivers went through him ever so often, and you found yourself unable to look away as he clung with one last hand to the grid while his body simply collapsed.

"N--" he grunted, a hiccup following his attempt.

"No-- No leave."

You thought you misheard him, long, drawn-out whines following the few human words. "No leave," he repeated, better understandable this time, his hand slowly slipping and dropping from the door, defeatedly.

A trill escaped him, but it sounded... sad. Heartbroken. His head slowly lifted from the ground, pearl-like tears mixing with the red on his face as they ran down his cheeks. Almost immediately, with a resigned desperation, Sunday smashed his face against the metal, rubbing it up and down as if to be closer to you. He looked like he was comforting himself with the last thing you touched as he rubbed it repeatedly, his fins getting caught and bent in the gaps.

"S-Stop that," you said without realizing it. You should have just left and never stopped to look at him. Nothing good could come from giving him attention. Nothing at all!

"Stop it," you whispered gently, sinking to the floor next to the door. Your heart was bursting with sadness for the creature who looked like a broken man. Like there was nothing left to live for now that you left. Once again, he tricked you with his angelic sweetness, even if you knew better now. But you couldn't stop yourself from reaching out, caressing him through the gaps in the metal door.

Sunday chirped, a hopeful sound, twisting and turning his head to be able to feel your touch everywhere. He must have been so lonely, all this time. Always seen, but still alone. Your heart was betraying you once again as you reached up to the keys dangling in the keyhole, twisting them and moving away to open the door again. He let out a desperate wail when you moved away, but immediately sank his face into your lap as you crouched back into his proximity. His body shook as if he was crying as you rubbed his shoulders and back, leaning on top of him like a lover consoling their despairing partner.

If only things could have always been this way. If only he wasn't a monster. If only you could love him without fearing for your life, if you could be sure that he understood you and could be reasoned with. He had feelings, too, you understood that. But there was never a guarantee that he wouldn't snap in the heat of a moment. Allowing him access to you again was stupid. Beyond stupid! It was absolutely life-threatening.

But what could you do when your heart yearned to console him? You've loved him for so long, how could you leave him like this? Sad and alone? Maybe if you stayed with him, he'd learn! He'd understand! You could fix your feelings for him, right? Your love could.

"No leave?" he asked in a hopeful way, and your heart ached at the pleading look he shot up to you. He even brushed his face against your throat, the proximity of his teeth to your vulnerable body making the fear spike again.

You drew away instinctively, and Sunday looked hurt. It was unbearable to see him like this. Even if you wanted, even if your feelings kept guilting you into staying, you had to leave. Save yourself before you could save anyone else, right? Things got riskier the longer you stayed, and you were fueling his loneliness, which the poor siren didn't deserve. He had gone through so much already.

"I have to," you explained, sounding like a plea of your own. Perhaps it was, as you secretly begged him to let you go. "But I'll come back! I'll spend time with you! Things will be okay!"

Your false conviction seemed to only confuse him more, perhaps because he didn't understand the meaning of all the words you threw at him. The truth was, you wouldn't be back. You couldn't. Your poor heart wouldn't be able to keep seeing him, and you were too scared to get close again.

"Mate no leave," he whimpered, moving one arm out from under him, reaching it towards you. Immediately, you scrambled, too scared of what his claws and hold on you could do. And this time, he reacted in unison, snapping his other hand forward as well.

"N- No! Stop!" you yelled firmly as he crossed them behind your back, pulling you forward. Your body ached, the metal grate having done enough damage to you that night already, every movement against it hurting.

"I'm leaving! Sunday, I need to leave! M- Mate leave!"

You were using his own words to try and make it clear to him what you meant, but he kept rising from the ground, clinging to you as he pressed your body against his chest possessively.

"No leave! No! Leave!" he replied with the same, firm sternness in his voice, fins rising and flopping dryly into the air as if he had tried to bare them in intimidation. He wanted to make his standpoint clear, and you struggled against the crushing hold he had on you as he slowly dragged you back into the room.

"I can't-- I can't!" you screamed, panic overcoming you as you realized he was trying to get you into the water with him. Dying was scary. Being mauled was scary. But the thought alone that you could drown, slowly and painfully, was almost too much to take. Maybe he'd attack you underwater so it would be an even worse struggle—a fight to the death—the thought filling you with dread.

"No! Sunday, no!" you yelled as you heard his body make the water splash. It was only a matter of seconds until he'd drag you under, and there was nothing you could do as he had caught you in his arms, unwilling to yield even a little and let you escape again.

Gasping out the last bit of air, you tried to inhale as much as possible as your feet were met with the cold water, but there simply wasn't enough space for a deep breath, and before you knew it, you were surrounded by the dark wet, with only Sunday close to you.

It was terrifying.

These were your last minutes, and you spent them trembling in fear and cold while Sunday seemed to perk up, now that he was back in his usual habitat. He was moving you two around, and you couldn't see which way you were swimming or where you were going, clasping your hands tightly over your mouth and nose to keep the water out and the air inside for the slightest chance of survival.

Suddenly, his embrace flowed away, and you sank deeper to the ground for a few seconds. Your back hit a flat surface, and you forced your eyes open, trying to see. Floating, dark shapes surrounded you, and you presumed they were algae, so maybe Sunday had brought you to his hiding spot? With one hand, you reached behind you, feeling a slick stone plate which may have functioned as his bed, but even with your blurry vision, you couldn't see Sunday anywhere.

However, it wasn't your main concern as you felt your air supply running out, your body ready to cough it up. Forcing down the need to release your air, you began to paddle upwards, only to bump into something hard and unyielding, hands gripping your wrists, spreading your arms to the side, and pressing you down to the ground again.

"Mate," you heard Sunday's voice ring out, clearly even through the water. "Waited, long. Now, Mate here, home."

His words made sense enough to get an idea of what he meant, but he was absolutely wrong. Once you wished to be more to him than just a visitor of the aquarium, but you weren't a mate for the fishman. You weren't supposed to be here in the water, and not here to entertain him either.

Shaking your head, you finally broke, bubbles rising from your mouth as your lungs were threatened by the water invading. You panicked, your eyes widening in desperation, trying to find the exit before it was too late. But before the water could seriously harm you, two lips lowered against yours, entangling you in a kiss. It was the last thing you wanted, but suddenly, Sunday sucked the water that had already invaded your mouth out of you, and breathe the air that you needed into his kiss. You two fell into an even rhythm between kiss and breathing so quickly, you could barely react, your body clinging to this chance of receiving fresh air with instinctual desperation.

Sunday kept licking your lips, tongue exploring your mouth, over your blunt teeth and poking at your tiny tongue in return. His hands were creeping up your side, and once again, you realized the situation you were in as you felt yourself being stuck and inferior to another man, the irony not lost on you. Sunday was just a different kind of monster, with a different type of obsession.

You.

But you had realized it much too late. All this time, you had been completely oblivious to the fact that your angelfish had been the devil all along. And now you were nothing more than the naive sailors who had listened to the sirens' songs—completely at Sunday's mercy as he threatened to devour you completely.

[maghendearey]

psychologist reader × yuki

you find yourself more anxious with each session to be able to see him again. at first you thought it was a little crush (since you have with all grid drivers - i mean, who doesn't?) but after knowing the real yuki, you find yourself more interesting in him, but he wouldn't pay attention to you, right? your definitely not anyone's type there - you're short, chubby and their psychologist - but only future will tell about it :))

omg yes.Such a nice idea

The Psychology of Love

Yuki Tsunoda x Chubby Psychologist Reader

: When there's still room for love between therapy

Hi guys. I wanted to give an important preface today. Because I've received several inquiries about readers who are insecure about their bodies, as in this case. I've never met a person in my life who is ugly on the outside. The only thing that can make you ugly is how you are on the inside. And yes, I know that sounds stupid and like something you'd find in every cheesy self-love book, and I also know it's not easy. (I've had an eating disorder myself for some time.) But try it. No fight for beauty is worth throwing your life away. Try to love yourself and don't change for anyone but yourself.

Your parents warned you, told you that leaving your hometown to work in this sport as a psychologist for Red Bull wasn't a good idea. But all the collaboration with the current world champion and probably one of the nicest people, Max, was worth it. And when Yuki replaced Liam Lawson and was hired as a driver for Red Bull, everything was perfect. Everything was perfect—well, pretty much everything. But if you were honest, there were disadvantages to being around them all the time. You could imagine it like this: the people who already found the drivers attractive on social media had no idea how great it was to be around them. What could be the disadvantage here? Well, every time you were with them, you realized how small the chance was that you had a chance with them. They all had beautiful girlfriends who could have stepped straight out of the next model catalog—tall and gorgeous. You were never dissatisfied with your body. You exercised and watched to stay healthy. But to be honest, you didn't want to be that thin.

Actually, you were fine with it. But then Yuki came to your therapy sessions and thus into your life. At first, you thought he was easy to assess. A small man with a Napoleon complex. But over time, you learned you were wrong. Yes, no one would deny his aggression issues. But you had to give him credit, he was really funny and friendly, and even if you didn't want to admit it, you fell in love with him. But he would never feel the same, right? He could have anyone. So why you? What you didn't notice were the emotions that were going through the young Japanese man. How he always looked forward to your sessions. How his heart beat faster whenever he was near you, and also the jealousy that rose in him every time Max had one of his stupid sessions.

On a rainy Tuesday, you were sitting in your office, slightly bored, when Yuki walked into the office with a smile on his face. Of course, I was happy he was there. But why was he here? He didn't have an appointment. "I'm sorry to just barge in like this, but I want to talk to you," he said, flopping down on the therapy couch. "If you want, I can give you a session time for later," you offered, but he just shook his head. "It's nothing official," he said, which only increased your confusion. "Okay, sure. What's it about?" you asked, standing up and sitting down next to him on the couch. "Um, a girl. I'd like to ask her out, but I don't know how." Another girl. The idea of ​​it hurt. But you tried to play it off. "Oh, um, what does she like? If you want to invite someone, you should do something she'd like." You said sadly, but Yuki didn't let that distract him. "I guess she likes F1," Yuki said, and you noticed him smiling at the thought of the woman. "Um, then invite her to the paddock, you could call her here," you suggested, but Yuki just shook his head. "No way, she works here. It would probably be boring for her," he said, and now you just wanted to know more. "An employee? Do I know her?" you asked, and for the first time today, Yuki looked up at you and smiled. "Actually, it's you."...

Hi guys, I hope you enjoyed it.Love you all.

[theladyragnell]

This is driving me insane. Who are the original space blorbos??? I have googled the names and searched in Tumblr and I thought at first it was just a d&d campaign or something but then you said it's from the third novel and I NEED TO KNOW

Oh gosh! Sorry to make you go down a rabbit hole!

Anything you see in my "obligatory original space blorbos" tag or see referred to by anything involving the words "space blorbos" (or anything involving the word "Karn" or "Karnisan") is me referring to a long-term original writing project! The Karn series is five novels and two novellas, and it's not published anywhere because I am a very lax editor and I really want to get this one right. So it's the first drafts of five novels and two novellas, and the second drafts of the first two novels (or, well, the second novel has three more scenes in it yet to edit, thus why I've been posting about the space blorbos so much lately, because thinking about them helps motivate me). The first drafts make up a complete series! (Even if there's a second generation series in the back of my brain. Shhhh.)

I want to publish them someday (probably going the self-publishing rather than the trad-publishing route, these are. fairly unpublishable because I don't tend to write super marketable things), but I've found it really rewarding to be able to edit the earlier books as I learn more things about the characters and know more about the series arc I want to do, so none of the books are going anywhere public for a while so I don't edit myself into a corner.

Which is unfortunate, because I really want to share them! But also I've read too many trad pubbed series over the years where it's clear the author wrote the first book or two with a different plan in mind and then had some ideas and consequently fucked their series over a bit with later books not meshing with what they'd been building up to, so I am very determined not to cause myself that problem.

But, preludes aside, the House of Karn series is what I affectionately pitch as Succession meets Bridgerton in space! It's structured like a romance series, each book or novella built around a different couple (or poly ship in one case) and each book with its own coherent plot that wraps up at the end of the book, with a background series arc about successions and coalitions and familial abuse and terraforming and all that good shit.

I made a comic sans series primer sometime back with @sovinly's help, I should really brush that up and post it sometime.

[echoweaver]

More on the Save Game Settings mod.

So, we drop half the settings in the original mod because the game is already storing them per-save.

I've determined that the Celebrity settings are stored for the entire game. Also, to my surprise (why does EA keep surprising me), the "Opt Active Family Out of Celebrity System" option actually disables the ENTIRE Celebrity system rather than just preventing the active family from gaining celebrity points, which is what I assumed it did. I don't know how this differs in practice from the Celebrities demographic checkbox. (It looks like maybe inactive sims can have celebrity points; it's just hidden from the user? I have no idea.)

The Supernatural demographic settings may also be, but I haven't verified yet.

The primary thing of course is the lifespan settings. I have those working for personal use, but the only place I've been able to apply the settings I'm storing is after NRaas looks at them. This results is not one but TWO prompts asking if you want to adjust the manager speed -- one when it notices that the ini settings don't match what your save game was using, then again when you reapply the settings from the save. In both cases, you can click No/Cancel and leave the drivers alone, but the effect is clunky and alarming for a user who didn't personally code it.

I asked Chain_Reaction for advice and got an ear(eye)-full about how doing this was a bad idea he'd already looked at and decided not to implement. He claimed that abruptly changing the lifespans by large amounts could bog down the AgingManager. I'm not sure how large an amount he's talking about. In theory, what I'm doing is an automated version of opening the EA Options dialog and changing the lifespan settings there each time I load a save game. Maybe if I set the total lifespan to 10 million, it could cause trouble, but while I'm not bounds-checking the values, at some point my mod is no longer responsible for your bad decisions.

Chain spends a notable amount of his limited time providing tech support for poorly-written mods that side effect the NRaas suite. I suppose if someone set the lifespan to 10 million, they'd be at least as likely to end up on the NRaas forums asking why their game is frozen as coming to me. Which makes me wonder if his concern is not me saving lifespan values in the save game but the prospect of setting lifespan values to arbitrary amounts....?

At any rate, he's not going to help me figure out how to avoid those prompts. I can pull down the NRaas suite from Github and paw through it myself. I've considered that for a couple of small changes I'd love to make and possibly submit as pull request. (The one that comes to mind is married names. I can have all couples take Bride's name, Groom's, older spouse, younger, or hyphenate, but what I actually want to randomly select all of those options to simulate a bunch of different personalities making different choices in my town.) However, I'm not going to take that on anytime soon, and I can't guarantee that examination of the NRaas code is going to yield a solution.

OTOH, I have the mod running in its current clunky state in my personal game, and I'm already not sure if I can live without it. I think all the non-lifespan settings can be effectively managed with some high-order NRaas-fu, so really the lifespan is the only must-have feature.

I don't think the mod in its current state is a good idea to release someplace like MTS, but I suppose I could make it available for download to use at your own risk for savvy players who happen to read this my simblr.

Any thoughts?

[strangetomato]

do you have any advice/things you wish you knew starting out for a neurodivergent person wanting to work on a sims story as ambitious as SHWC? particularly related to workflow, burnout, and other periods of mental unhealth. (also patiently excited for the next update — i first started reading SHWC in high school and seeing your ripp and ophelia again feels a little like coming home in a way i can’t explain)

This is a great question. 

It is honestly very pleasantly surprising to me that I've been able to persist and come back to this story, and I'm not sure what’s been different about this project to keep me coming back. I think it comes down to loving the game and the source characters so much and then diving so deeply into developing them. They are so fully formed for me that they will just resurface in my mind from time to time, even now after 7+ years after the last update. I dream about them sometimes.

I tend to cycle through interests/fixations in the way many of us NDs do. Some come and go after a good run and never really seem to return. Others are perennial faves that I know will resurface eventually. The Sims 2 has been the most significant one in my whole life so far, so I think that really helps.

So as for advice: pick something you love. I'd say even do one better than me and zero your focus in on your favourite characters, your favourite character, period. Really weed out anything that isn't exciting to write about for you. 

Upon returning this time, I’ve given myself permission to not bother with the stuff that doesn't interest me as much, or that once did but doesn’t so much now. If you're struggling with having enough spoons or getting enough dopamine to get through the work, forcing yourself to tell a story you aren't that interested in is not going to work. I previously stalled out mid chapter in a Veronaville side story precisely because I really wanted to be writing about JRO or the other main cast instead.

Posing scenes with characters you love provides you with dopamine because it just brings joy to get the shots looking just right, seeing their expressions, etc. I also like doing sorta arty things with the images, because that tickles my brain and keeps me interested, too. Or decorating. Sometimes decorating the set is what does it for me. Find what interests you the most and do it. 

I'd also say simplify the image-making, too. Cut corners. Don't pose everything! You don't have to illustrate every little movement. Use the text. I can't count how many times Ophelia has ruffled Ripp's hair, but I have never once shown it. You can get away with so much in just the writing. If posing it all out sounds fun and the result would please you, then do it. If not, describe it in the text. Easy. Done.

Similarly, you can have a scene, say, where two characters are talking or someone is thinking and the image is just a close up of a picture in a frame. Vary things up and it will keep things interesting and your attention span will thank you.

And vary things between closeups and wide shots, use different perspectives. Do a birds eye view… then you don't even need a facial expression. A shot of just the feet. Why not? Wide shots with a lot of very posed characters in them takes a lot of effort. Use them wisely. You simply don't need to do that all the time. Varying the perspective and closeness of the shot conveys different things in the story as well. It's part of the storytelling, particularly the emotion.

Okay, what else…

Keep a tiny notebook or document on your phone with you at all times, so you can jot things down as they come to you. Take your best advantage of those moments when your brain is firing, even if you’re in the lineup in the grocery store, etc. I have written entire scenes in my brain while driving on the highway, then pulled over to jot it all down. (Obviously, pull over to write, if you’re driving, lol.)

I have a very nonlinear brain, for better or worse. I tend to work up a bunch of stuff simultaneously, rather than going from point A to B. Currently, I have documents for about 5 or 6 updates, which I jump around in. Also one for “story bits’ where I dump any little snippet that pops up in my brain. I've stopped doing images that far in advance, though. Too often I change things and it helps me to focus on the update at hand if I only shoot scenes within the current update.

Working so far ahead in writing can be helpful with sticking it out, because I have good stuff I really want to share further down the line.

That said, I've also had success doing Camp Nano and sitting down and just writing. For me, this is also still jumping around and doing a lot of little scenes. But sometimes just starting to write and letting it all randomly flow out will be surprisingly productive.

Burnout is very real. Taking a break is really the best idea. Playing the game or posing very indulgent shots just for fun for can help. Rest as much as you can, and do things you enjoy.

Mental health concerns are tough when it comes to this stuff. Again, taking a break and focusing on recovery is for the best. I find that when my mood goes off, I need to get off of all social media. If you find you are feeling bad more often than good when in the sims community, it’s probably time to get offline for a while.

I'm still feeling out the difference between ND burnout and depression in my own life, even in my past. For myself, the mood stuff is more of a seismic shift (and has the more distressing negative thoughts) while burnout does still settle in from time to time, even when I’m otherwise well. Burnout needs rest. Depression needs movement. Both need sleep. This obviously goes beyond what I’m going to get into here. Try to find a good psychiatrist.

In general: take your meds, get enough sleep, get some physical activity, find community.

I really like going for a walk with headphones on. (Be careful, obviously.) I have a nature trail nearby, so that works well for that. Like many, I use music to inspire me with writing/creating, so this is a nice combo of exercise/nature/sensory immersion/creative inspiration, and I can easily stop to jot down notes. Or do it really sloppily while I’m still walking.

I’m not sure if that fully answers everything. 

Workflow is not my strongest area. I do think having smaller goals is helpful. If you have the writing all completed, try not to think about the chapter as a whole and how much is left to do. Set a small goal, like doing something every day, no matter how small. I make physical checklists to feel the progress more concretely as well. You can storyboard things out to help guide you, or give yourself permission to freestyle it and not worry about it matching the text perfectly. I have changed the text to match the image when something new came up like that. It’s nice to have the ability to do that.

Thank you so much for the kind words. :) Coming back to work on the story has given me a positive obsession that I’ve been lacking in more recent years, despite being otherwise mentally well. The update is coming along. It’s hard to predict exactly when I will complete it, but it is steadily approaching. Thanks for the great ask and have a nice day! :) Good luck with your project.

[vacz]

ATTENTION!

I didn't want to disappear out of nowhere without explanation, since I'm very active and there are people that actually care about what I do as an artist

I have exams coming for my neck and I need to prepare myself

So it means, I will TEMPORARY stop making posts about my drawings or anything too complex so I have time to focus on my studies without feeling the pressure of not posting anything (*Ejem* the ask blog *ejem*)

Sorry if this aclaration is kinda dumb but This is just a pause, I'm not quitting art or something like that, if you want to pray for me for some reason then pray for me approving all my exams, thank you. You may see me making reblogs to other posts some times but like- I need you guys to understand that making a post requires time and effort

The exams need ALL my time and effort

So the only thing I can do now is basically repost, because it's just pressing a button. In fact, in this exact same moment while I'm writing this I'm in a train

I know my limits, and I don't wanna reach them

I want to make good content, for me and for you to enjoy, and that requires time, time that in this moment I don't really have

The fact I have to make a post explaining to people why I will suddenly make a pause for posting is amazing. Thank you so much for all the support you have given me. I'll have all of you in my heart

It does make me feel bad for not being able to keep going with the track, but I hope you guys understand

See you later!

[chaifootsteps]

um, hi. it's anon from this ask - https://www.tumblr.com/chaifootsteps/783221152782958592/one-other-thing-i-dont-get-normally-with

I came back because I think I wasn't clear enough with what I was trying to say

my intention wasn't to say people who loved either HH or HB once should just let it go entirely - I also loved both shows at a point in time, even if how bad they've gotten means I struggle to enjoy even the parts I once liked knowing where it ended up going. if someone wants to read second hand copies of HP or rewatch old HB episodes, I don't begrudge them that

my question was more about fans who aren't former fans but are current, active fans. what I don't understand and was trying to drive at is - what are they getting out of the shows anymore? the writing is so bad now I honestly can't fathom how anyone has the patience for it. even if they still love the characters and their potential, there's not a lot of fun in watching them become hollow copies of themselves

fans give so much to these shows just to have their intelligence insulted by bad writing. it feels to me like the only way to enjoy HH/HB nowadays is just don't invest in the plot that much and also agree with everything Viv says

which is why I bring up LD and TADC. not to suggest they should just be able to substitute one show for another - they're very different tone wise and plot wise, for one thing - but to point out that HH/HB don't honor anyone's time or love, where LD and TADC do. it took TADC two episodes to prove it writes characters more competently than Viv has in the entirety of Helluva s2.

and so much of HH/HB makes it hard to divorce the art from the artist even if current fans wanted to. Viv has this almost dictatorial attitude about how her shows 'should' be enjoyed. coupled together, it's why I asked how the show still even has active fans when they're given nothing but lazy slop writing and keep having to have these sad little convos amongst themselves about how Viv should really get off Twitter and stop having crashouts.

this might just be one where I have to stop trying to understand, to be honest? HH and especially HB when written by Viv solo are honestly the most amateur bits of writing I've ever seen get this level of animation quality behind them. maybe I'm just not going to get what current fans see in it - or maybe it's just because they actually prefer the woobified version of the Stolas Show that everyone else bounced off of. maybe they're Viv's real audience and she only cares about pleasing them, and I just need to let it go

anyways, sorry that got long but I hope that makes it clearer what I was trying to say. I certainly have artists better than Viv whose work I still own copies of despite them being problematic, so I wasn't trying to tell anyone 'just cut it out of your heart even if it meant a lot to you'. I'm as sad as anyone about what she did to Blitz, to the point I refuse to watch s3 and will just absorb news about where this car crash goes second hand

Ahh, no worries! Sorry if I came across as defensive; I figured even if it wasn't what you were getting at exactly, there are so many people in fandom who wholeheartedly believe "There's no excuse for watching/reading X when Y exists."

I do get what you're saying. I don't always get the love for Viv's stuff in its current form either, and frequently have to remind myself that it doesn't matter, it means something to the fandom.

[positivelyqueer]

Because I agonised for an hour or more this morning on how i would get groceries before 'allowing' myself to order them to be delivered:

You don't have to push yourself to your absolute limit constantly as a disabled person to prove you are worthy of care and support and recovery/improvement/symptom management. (I know this is a broad spectrum that varies for each person).

Abled people do strictly unnecessary things to make their lives easier all the time. You're allowed to do that too.

[necrotic-nephilim]

@sasheneskywalker i love when you enable me to ramble about things because oh my god do i have thoughts.

so recently, i made a post discussing the phenomena of DC x DP and DC x MLB crossovers and why they exist and part of that post was discussing how largely speaking, at least half, if not more of the Batfamily fandom doesn't read the comics. if they interact with canon DC material, it's adaptations that are their own sequestered universes and oftentimes not remotely comic accurate or seeking to be. the most obvious example is the Young Justice cartoon. i'm adding a cut to this post because it just got so long i'm so sorry.

a lot of times, when people are discussing the "why" of this oversaturation of fanon-only fandom, they blame Wayne Family Adventures. and i think, to a point, i agree WFA is responsible for a boom in this fandom. but as someone who's been in the fandom long before we had WFA, to me it's the other way around. WFA was DC's way of meeting the demand for this easy-to-get-into, easy-to-consume content about the Batfamily that predicates itself on the comics just enough to be vaguely the same characters, but has a more sitcom, slice-of-life sort of vibe so DC could profit off of this section of the fanbase that otherwise wasn't consuming its primary material. and well, it's definitely worked. not only that, but i have a weird theory that the decline in the MCU also led to the rise in the Batfamily fandom. when you consider the fan content that made the MCU popular within fandom, it's that 2012 "they all live in Avengers Tower and Thor is eating poptarts and Clint is in the vents and there are movie nights every Friday" sort of vibe. those were the fics that were a hallmark of the fandom. and as the MCU has strayed from well... quality content in general, but specifically well-thought-out crossover content where characters can have their own arcs but also exist in a wider story where they clearly care about each other, that fandom was sort of homeless. so where do you go, if you like a superhero found family where you can have villains for angst but also stick them all in one big family-like home for silly crack and have a plethora of options for gay ships? well. you go to the Batfamily. if you write a crack/fluff Batfamily genfic with silly vibes and low stakes instead of say, a fic about a very specific comic issue even if it's a popular comic, you're *going* to get more traction for the former. because the fanbase largely just isn't reading the comics.

and i feel... complicated about this. because on one hand, Don't Like Don't Read has been a tenet of my fandom experience. i'm very pro-fandom and that includes fandom content i don't like. and to an extent, i do think this sort of should apply to Batfamily fanon. i enjoy having my moments with other comic purists, giggling over exceptionally painful OOC headcanons or even facepalming in pain over some content but it is on me to not interact with that content. you don't make fandom a better place by being hostile to fans who engage with canon in ways you don't approve of. and frankly? we as comic readers are not going to get non-comic fans to read the comics by being asshats to them. no one is going to want to pick up any comic if we get a superiority complex about it. and also, i feel like we're all lying to ourselves a little bit insisting comics are so, so easy to get into. they're not. we can just all agree, they're really not. i've been single-handedly helping my sister get into comics, specifically Wonder Woman and no matter how simple i make it, i watch her get frustrated trying to understand what pre-Crisis and post-Crisis and New-52 and Flashpoint and all these things mean and what a retcon vs a reboot is and what a Crisis Event is and what the hell Diana's current backstory even *is*. sure, you can give someone a beginner list of comics to start with and slowly dip their toes in the water but sooner or later, *something* is going to confuse them. comics as a medium straight up aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. and if someone *just* wants to read silly fluffy fanfiction about the Batfamily, i can't entirely begrudge them for not wanting to take the hours and hours out of their day to understand this medium. it's not an accessible medium to get into. "read this and this, but this run is out of print and this run wasn't collected in trades at all but also make sure you read that event in order and this is a good comic but the backstory in it is retconned and you *have* to read this it's so important but it's also really bad because the author kind of sucks" sounds. ridiculous for someone who like. just wants to read some stuff about Nightwing. sometimes, we all make reading comics sort of sound like a chore, not a hobby.

so my point is, i do extend some grace to Batfamily fanon for existing. i think my biggest gripe is, as i said in my other post, misuse of tags (if you're not creating content about comics, maybe you don't need the comics fandom tag on Ao3, just the all media types umbrella tag) and my far bigger gripe: when panels are taken out of context to support fanon only headcanons. if i could impart *anything* onto the Batfamily fandom as a comic fan it'd be this: if you haven't *read* the comic, don't spread the panel. if you don't even know what comic it's *from*, don't spread the panel. it's fine to use comic panels to discuss your headcanons, but so often i see someone spreading a comic panel from a comic they haven't read, and when asked where it's from, they can't source it. a silly example that comes to mind is a post going around, taking a panel where Dick, in his internal monologue goes "here comes the sun. do do do do." and the post is claiming it's from him getting buried alive. when that panel comes from Nightwing (1996) #140, and he gets buried alive in Nightwing (1996) #127, two completely different moments frankensteined together. if you're going to not read the comics, that's completely fine, but unless you're sure of the source and the context, panels shouldn't be spread around. i'm sick of this specifically happening to Red Robin (2009), with ppl claiming Tim has totally killed people because he blew up some of Ra's' bases, when those panels within context, make it clear he gave everyone time to escape. and in a later arc in that very comic, Tim grapples with the idea of murdering Captain Boomerang, and *specifically chooses not to*, because he doesn't agree with murder, even against the person who has hurt him the most. if you'd like to write fanfiction where Tim is pro-murder and has done some sketch things, i'm totally on board and would probably like to read it. but there's no need to pretend it's canon from a few panels you saw out of context.

beyond that, i think it's not *entirely* correct to say that fanon is harmless. whenever i see very WFA-positive posts, they often default to the argument that WFA is fun and silly, and comic fans are killjoys for not liking it. which. i think is complicated because the issue is, WFA and fanon don't exist in a vacuum. if you like WFA power to you, i don't think it's the worst thing ever, but i do think it's degrading to these characters because honestly? they feel incompetent in the webtoon. it's one thing if WFA was solely a slice-of-life sort of deal, just having silly episodes where Bruce is taking on a PTA mom or they're all fighting for the last cookie. but when WFA attempts to take on more serious plots with these characters, it *fundamentally* falls flat in understanding them. i get it, Bruce comforting Jason having a panic attack because a noise reminded him of the crowbar felt cute in a microcosm, but i'm so serious when i say that storyline destroyed how like. half of this fandom understands Jason Todd's relationship to his trauma. it doesn't understand how he reacts when he's triggered, what coping mechanisms he seeks out, and how he would handle Bruce comforting him. even if i can believe for a brief moment Jason *would* be triggered by something like that, him running and trying to hide and then getting a hug from Bruce to make it okay is just. painful. WFA needs everything to be wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow. so even when it starts to tackle interesting concepts, it makes them fall flat with its need to be soft, low stakes, hurt/comfort. there was a two-parter episode that dealt with the complicated mutual hatred/jealousy between Tim and Damian that *almost* really interested me because for once, it felt like the webtoon wanted to explore canon messy dynamics. but of course, it had to be fixed with one conversation and a hug. you don't mend the *years* of issues these characters have like that. WFA isn't in character because these characters are hyperbole cartoonified versions of themselves to fit within the medium and be a cute happy family.

because that right there, is the crux of it. the Batfamily fanon seeks to simplify the Batfamily and force them into a nuclear family. there are so many fantastic posts on here discussing how the nuclear family-ification of the Batfam is eroding decades worth of complex histories so i won't go too far into that. but what i will say is that there's this need, in the Batfamily fandom, for the Batfamily to exist as a unit. they are a *family*. (honestly i think calling it the Batfamily is a misnomer and has been for years but we're in too deep now.) they exist to each other first, and any teams or friends they have come secondary to this family unit. you can *specifically* see this demonstrated in what headcanons are becoming popular these days. i have an entire lengthy meta in my drafts about how i *loathe* the "the Batfamily meets the Justice League" genre of fanfic because it makes no *sense*. in order to have this genre of fic exist, you must operate under the assumption that no one in the League, or adjacent to the League, knows the Batfamily exists and are thus utterly shocked to discover Batman has kids. and to make *that* work, you have to strip *every single Batfamily member* of such important dynamics and friendships so you can lock them all in Gotham for their whole lives. Dick can't have the Titans, Tim can't have Young Justice, Duke & Cass can't have the Outsiders, Jason can't have the Outlaws, Damian can't have the Supersons, Babs can't have the Birds of Prey, and so on. because if they had these relationships, they would be known to the League. the Batfamily fandom doesn't care about this, it's just "silly fanfiction", it's not trying to be serious. but how can you say you like Dick Grayson as a character if you don't understand the Titans *are* his family? at some points of his life, moreso than the Batfamily even is. it is constantly repeated to us in most comics with Dick how much the Titans mean to him. he *needs* them to be who he is. the same extends to every other Batfamily member, most of which have been full League members at this point. but in fanon, that doesn't matter. the Batfamily are a sequestered unit first, and all of those side relationships are secondary and easy to toss away, if it makes your fanfic work better.

and because they have to be a unit first, you have these forced relationships that dump years of actual canon material for the sake of making them get along. the Batfamily fandom has its favorites and well. it's no secret it's usually the boys. Jason and Tim by *far* stand out as fandom faves so, their dynamic is a heavily explored one. it does matter that in canon they don't tend to get along and especially don't see each other as family. what matters is that you can push dynamics onto them. and so fanon gets all twisted up about which Robin Tim actually idolized as a kid (Dick) and what member of the Batfamily is pro-murder but still an older sibling figure to him and looks out for him (Helena, or if you want the dynamic of once tried to harm Tim but they've reconciled, Jean-Paul) in favor of who's the most popular. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian are always going to be the standouts for popularity, but it's specifically Jason and Tim who are getting fanonized the most. and that's because really, we don't have much canon content of Tim that *isn't* the comics. for Dick you've got Young Justice (tv), for Damian you've got the DCAMU, for Jason you've sort of got the Under The Red Hood movie, but Tim sort of lingers in this limbo. (yes, he's in Young Justce (tv) and Titans (live action) but in neither is he the main character nor given much depth) so, he gets a *lot* projected onto him and has become fanonized. and even with Jason's animated movies, you don't see him interact with Tim, so people build it from the ground up how they want to see it, disregarding of canon comics. i think it's what makes him so popular in the first place- he's malleable into whatever you want or need him to be.

and of course, the fanon ignores other characters in the Batfamily it doesn't know about. i feel like you could create a tier list of Batfamily characters by their popularity, going from the fandom main characters: Tim, Jason, Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Damian. to the underrated: Steph, Duke, Babs, Cass. to the forgotten about unless they're convenient for a story: Kate, the Foxes, Helena Wayne, Carrie, Selina, Harper Row, Maps, Minhkhoa Khan. to the absolutely unknown: Helena Bertinelli, Jean-Paul Valley, Onyx Adams, the Clovers, Julia Pennyworth. it's not lost on me that the ignored characters tend to be women and people of color. which is both a canon and fanon problem, DC will continue adding interesting characters to the Batfamily, play with them for a few years, then drop them to default to the "Batboys" again. and it's a vicious cycle of the fandom only caring about the "Batboys", and thus people entering the fandom via fanon osmosis won't have content about the other characters, therefore, they won't be interested in those characters enough to create it, and it's just this ouroboros consuming itself, no matter how much canon content we have of these other characters. and it's ridiculous just how large the Batfamily is becoming because of this, which is why i'm a pre-Flashpoint fan, because then the Batfamily was contained enough to actually feel like a family with every character having nuances relationships with each other, but i digress because those thoughts could be their own post.

and the thing about fanon is it doesn't exist in a vacuum. DC has started turning the comics to accommodate for what fans are asking for, because fans will beg and beg for content they're not going to consume. Tim Drake: Robin had Tim as a coffee drinker because that's the fanon accepted headcanon. and the resolution of the recent Gotham War arc was for Bruce to buy this new manor for everyone to move in and call him. nevermind that most of these characters have their own homes and have zero reason to be moving in with Bruce. Tim had his marina in Tim Drake: Robin, Dick has Bludhaven, Cass and Steph have their little side of town in Batgirls (2022), and so on. these characters are being forced together as a unit, as one big happy family living together, to appease what non-comic fans want and it's damaging comic relationships. Robin: Knight Terrors saw Jason and Tim team up and working together, which i've seen varying opinions on but i personally despised. their interactions made zero sense for any of their canon history, but it appeases them being this close sibling relationship that fanon acts like they are. also the fears they faced in their respective knight terrors didn't make sense for either character and *only* worked as a moment of bringing them together so they could reassure each other and have this weird dreamscape bonding moment. the canon is bending itself to the will of fanon rather than building on the pre-existing complex relationships. Tim barely even gets along with his most important team in Dark Crisis: Young Justice because it seems the only important relationships the Batfamily can have is with each other. and when we do see them outside of the Batfamily, it only seems to be to relive the glory days like with World's Finest: Teen Titans, instead of developing them as they currently exist. this isn't recent in the comics, it feels like you can trace it back to the New-52, but it does feel a *lot* worse over the recent years. WFA is fine when it exists in its own bubble, but the simple truth is, DC content never exists on its own. the adaptations will reflect back onto the comics. (the damage the Young Justice cartoon has done to some characters should honestly be studied) and so it does frustrate me a bit when fanon-only or adaptation-only fans act like we're being nothing but killjoys for being frustrated with this. since they don't read the comics, they don't see how the comics are suffering as a result of this.

people argue about what's out of character for the comics they don't even read. i'm sorry, but "bad dad Bruce" is consistently canon. that man is just kind of shitty. when you take someone who has the drive he has, who has this need for the Mission first, who needs a teenager in spandex next to him to keep him off the ledge, that guy is sort of going to be a shitty father figure. he just is. not on purpose or with malice, but when you compare him to any other dad in a big DC family, he sure takes the cake. it's why characters like Oliver Queen tend to *really* fucking hate Bruce for how he treats his kids. Bruce loves fiercely, but he doesn't do well with putting that love first. and his love is a controlling one, he is very particular about controlling how others in the Batfamily are "allowed" to operate. it's what drives the wedge between him and Dick, it's why Steph is never a true daughter to him. (besides the reason of her needing to be a love interest to Tim first, anyway-) i've never understood the massive outcry of people reacting to Bruce kinda being shitty in comics they're not reading. there are some moments that get ridiculously OOC with how cartoonishly evil he is (the whole Gotham War arc and that... complicated mess with Jason) but largely if you want sitcom loving nuclear father Bruce, you have to accept that is a fanon thing, not a canon one. the Batfamily being a nuclear family in *general* is fanon. most of the "Batkids" don't actually see Bruce in a particularly fatherly light and begging for moments where he calls them his kids or they call him dad outside of incredibly specific circumstances is just OOC.

it's getting harder and harder to exist peacefully in this fandom it feels like, if you don't comply to the standard fanon has set. i'm happy people are having fun with their blorbos, even if in ways i dislike, but that "harmless fandom fun" does ripple it's way back to canon, eventually. so i end up pretty tangled with my feelings because are fans at fault for DC making these poor decisions? probably not, but it certainly feels like an unfortunate cause-and-effect situation whether at the end of the day, nobody is happy. and of course, i know some fanon-only fans are striving to be more canon accurate and care about canon dynamics more than others, but for them it's always going to be an uphill battle with the above-mentioned out-of-context panels thrown around and ever-pervasive fanon overtaking anything that's truly seeking to be canon compliant. so really, it sometimes feels like we're all losing.

[tumblweeds-omegaverse]

random omegaverse thought:

There must be people who experience specific instinct things with indifference or boredom.

Procreative cycle coming up? "Crap, I've got plans this weekend...stupid skip weeks."

Caught an intriguing scent while walking? "But I need to get to work! Shut up brain."

Had a snap response to a distressed sound? "Who was it?! ...right, it's my day off, I can go back to sleep."

Somebody growled at them? "Kid, I'm not a rival, that's my sibling."

Super cozy cuddle session happening nearby? "I'm gonna pass tonight guys, no social battery left, maybe next time."

Group of friends heading out to flirt and check out other singles? "I'm coming with you but only to make sure you all get home safe."

Setting where fated mates or soul bonds or permanent marks are a thing? "Meh. I don't really want one or care if I ever get one."

People in the actual omegaverse would get as bored of their stuff, as we do of ours, you know? It could be interesting to see that kind of vibe in fics. Biological demands faced with all the excitement of paying bills or doing laundry or tying your shoes.

Even if that kind of energy might not drive a plot, it could be interesting to have as a contrast to the people who do have big feelings about them - good or bad.

There's the friends who can't wait til they have a pack of their own, and the one friend who isn't against it but couldn't care less. There's the group in the office who are all about scent compatibility tests and figuring out one's best match and what sprays most highlight it, and the coworker who has no intentions on putting that much effort in. There are parents who hover and protect their offspring by scenting them multiple times a day, and others who don't see what the fuss is as long as it's done in the morning.

...also: packs with introverts who show care by giving each other space. So often, closeness is depicted through physical touch and tactile affection, but comfortable silence is meaningful too. Knowing people are near, but not having to interact until you're ready. Sitting in the same room doing different things, knowing that all it takes is a "hey, look at this" to share what you're up to. People understanding and accepting each other's differing or fluctuating needs for how and when to recharge. Seeing somebody reaching out or sharing space, beyond what's their norm, as a signal of the fact that they care.