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bottlecaprabbitgames · 2 years ago

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Weight Loss, Dieting, Medical Shit Goin' On

At the request of @meethisharma , I'm making a big post of like. EVERYTHING I've learned so far since truly trying to lose weight and do better since February of this year. I'm of course going to go into my background as to why I need to lose weight and my life as an obese person, different references I've used to help with my weight loss, dietary changes, THE WHOLE SHEBANG.

So uh. Buckle up, it's a LONG post.

(Also, shout out to Jordan Shrinks over on YouTube, I've followed this woman for years and she is still the biggest inspiration and my favorite fucking person who has helped me shape my routine for weight loss.)

Why did I start trying to lose weight?

I have been obese pretty much my whole life. In high school, I weighed 260-270 lbs. Both of my parents struggled with drug addiction, and that meant that we ate a lot of unhealthy, over processed food as it was the cheapest. I also rarely, if ever, drank water growing up; we mostly had soda in the house, and that's what I drank.

Last year, in May of 2022, I weighed 330 lbs. This was after I had already lost an unknown amount of weight, as I put on a LOT working at McD's given the food was free and I was broke most of the time. This was still not enough for me to start losing weight, but I did start packing my own lunches and at least started eating better. In September, I started my first hotel job, and with the better work and pay, I was finally able to afford insurance for 2023 and start going to doctors like I needed to. I've always had a LOT of chronic issues, but none were ever diagnosed as I really didn't go to the doctor much unless it was an absolute dire emergency.

Timeskip to the first week or two of February, 2023, and I finally get in to see a nurse practioner who will lead me to find my current primary care doctor. I weighed 312 lbs, and she was very... well, blatantly, she didn't even give me the time of day LMAO. She didn't even bother to tell me I was pre-diabetic, I had to find that out from looking at my lab results myself.

Week 3 of February, I get in with the guy who's now my primary care doctor. He's also fat, like I am, and he was also far more direct with me about my situation. As it turned out, I was in like stage 3 hypertension (my blood pressure was 150 smth over 140), I was almost 90% deficient in vitamin D (y'know, the shit that makes your bones HARD), my iron saturation in my blood was in single digits (aka severely anemic, borderline needed a blood transfusion), I was well into my way to being a Type-2 Diabetic (my A1C was 5.8, you need to be 6.4 to be diagnosed), AND... my liver was struggling really, really badly. Side note, he's also a mental health professional, and he's the one who originally diagnosed my severe PTSD and got me in with my therapist.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WAS NOT IN THE BEST CONDITION. I was actually well on my way to developing early heart disease, osteoporosis, diabetes, blood clots, like everything I was the MOST afraid of was what I was about to have. Because I wasn't taking care of myself, I was living off of ramen and fast food and processed as shit food all the time, TV dinners... I'd make a meal out of a family-sized bag of chips or a whole roll of crackers and several slices of cheese.

My doctor was very point fucking blank about my outcomes. I could've died if I did nothing. A really horrible way to die, too. He told me that if I wanted to make changes, he'd get me every resource possible he could to help me, but I had to want the changes if they were gonna stick. Keep that in mind, right? YOU have to want the changes needed.

And that's when everything started.

THE GAME PLAN

SO, what did I do to start losing weight? What changes did I make?

Everything. FUCKING everything. My doctor said I needed a low-as-possible sodium diet, so I changed it. I needed to start exercising, so I did. I needed meds and to get into therapy to help deal with my mental health, so I religiously take my meds and I go to therapy as many times as possible each month. He also wanted me to get a daytime job, as my overnights were likely making things worse, and I finally got that done now, too.

A big thing to add here, too: my doctor has not talked to me about BMI. The only thing he has asked me to do is get to 200 lbs. He says so long as I don't drop under 120, he's said it's fine whatever weight I stop on, so long as I get to 200.

But where did I begin? The SIMPLE shit.

I started with ten minute walks. That's it for exercising, I started with TEN MINUTE WALKS. And you know what? It was fucking hard. It still is. It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get me to get up and go take a 30 minute to an hour walk. But don't let these fucking fitness influencers bully you into thinking that if you can't handle pumping iron in the gym for 6 hours straight then you're always gonna be a fat slob or whatever those fuckheads say these days. And, if you don't like walking, if you'd rather lift weights, you can do that too! If you don't want to go to a gym like I don't, order some cheap ones off of Amazon or Walmart. Go cycling or swimming or jumping rope. You don't have to go big and hard into exercise to be healthier. Start small.

Now, diet-wise, I threw myself in it a little too vigorously and I also paid the price of wasting like $50 each payday in shit I didn't eat or still haven't, and I also fucked up my GI tract for a solid month. I was ROUGHING it. Raw-dogged the low sodium diet and it did it back double time, do NOT do what I did. There's gonna be a WHOLE section after this one on dietary shit. Big thing, though? MEAL PLANNING. I don't care if you only meal plan one meal of the day, I only do my damn dinners. Just take time on your day off to batch cook a bunch of shit to be able to eat for one meal throughout the week.

MAKE GOALS. I don't care if the goals you set seem shallow to you or not, make some fucking goals. Keep them on a list you can easily find, especially like on your phone. HELL, keep the list in SEVERAL ways, like a paper on your wall. I have another section planned for like examples and my own goals on down.

EXERCISE

AGAIN, start small. Don't go hog wild and try to do an hour a day at the gym to start; that's gonna burn you out and wear you down before you even get started. Also, you don't need a gym to exercise. If you never wanna step foot in a gym, you NEVER have to.

Start with a five to ten minute walk every other day. You don't like walking? Cool, get some cheap weights (or a kettlebell weight) and lift weights for 5-10 minutes. I just recently got a 5lb kettlebell on Amazon for like $8.55 after tax so I can start doing weighted exercises. (NOTE: don't start with big heavy weights. You'll fuck up your muscles and joints. You'll want to research what weight to start with first.)

I think it wassss two weeks of me walking for ten minutes every other day before I moved to 15 minutes? Now, in May, I can go for an hour at a leisurely pace.

My Routine:

45 minute-hour walk at LEAST 4 days a week.

One day of 30 minute power walking or walking-jogging intervals. I walk along the street I live on, and I do 1/3 of the way jogging, the rest walking.

At LEAST one day using resistance band exercises. Resistance bands are like $10 at Walmart, I recommend using a light one to start WHILE AT YOUR HEAVIEST WEIGHT. Resistance bands work by using your own body weight as the resistance, so it's best to start while you're still at the heaviest.

Hoping to work the kettlebell in on at least three days of the week, doing weighted HIIT exercises (high intensity training).

DIETARY CHANGES

The BIGGEST piece of advice I can give you is to make sustainable changes. The reason diet culture doesn't work is because you can't survive off of diet food for a long period of time, meaning you'll just regain the weight back once you return to a normal diet. Also, carbs are not bad for you. Unless a doctor specifically tells you to lower carb intake, PLEASE do not just suddenly decide to stop eating carbs as you can permanently damage your major internal organs.

Now, I am not on a diet, persay. The changes I've made I plan to keep for the rest of my life. Now, I can only tell you what I do, and not what you should do. I have some formal training in nutrition, and I can give you advice on what not to do, but again, I can mostly tell you what works for me.

NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, HERE WE GO! I am on a low-sodium diet, meaning I do not add salt to shit. I use Accent, a shit ton of seasoning and spices, and I get my canned food no salt added when I can. I also mainly only eat turkey and chicken (mostly chicken), while beef and pork are like... a treat every once in a while. I also get low sodium canned tuna or like... actually good fish sticks. And, as I live on the Gulf Coast, I get fresh shrimp once or twice a month. I also do NOT add sugar to something unless it's a recipe for like bread to feed the yeast. I get canned fruit in 100% juice, or I get it frozen mostly. If I want to add something to make it sweet, I dump fruit in it. I've also recently been adding like... one packet of splenda ALONG WITH FRUIT to my oatmeal. Tastes p good, do not recommend splenda in coffee. Shit's nasty.

I am also a calorie counter and believer. The easiest way to think of calories is like... energy. One calorie is one unit of energy. I HIGHLY recommend using a couple of calorie calculators to help figure out your daily intake, and I use the My Fitness Pal app to keep track of what I eat, especially as I am prone to boredom eating and binge eating, as I do still struggle with disordered eating. I also keep an eye on my macros (protein, carbs, fats), as well as my cholesterol, sodium, and saturated fat levels.

So, what does Cy do for food? A lot but also... not very much, lol. I am a convenience bitch. I ain't here to cook several times a day and shit, I ain't got time for it. I be makin' shit as easy as possible.

I do often drink protein shakes before or after I walk or have an intense workout. You don't have to, just keep in mind you DO need high protein intake before or after working out, to help your muscles repair themselves. I get the cheap af Purely Inspired brand at Walmart, mix it with frozen fruit and milk in my blender.

PLEASE, GOD, DRINK WATER! Drink plenty of frickin water. Your body has to be hydrated and the more water you drink, the less water your body retains as extra. A bit weird, I know, but take it from me as I carry about 10-12 lbs of water weight a day, and it was a LOT more when I wasn't hydrating properly.

I meal prep one meal a week. It's dinner now, so I take a day I'm off, make a big batch of smth, and separate it into like 5-7 containers, freezing some and fridgerating the others. I post recipes and total costs over on @cylentlycrafting , and I get those cheap ass Mainstays meal prep containers. It's like $5 for 5 of em, and I have like... 3-4 sets.

The main meat I eat now is chicken, as it has the highest amount of protein across all meats. I also pretty much exclusively eat whole grain foods (brown rice, whole wheat bread, whole wheat or brown rice or quinoa pasta), and I keep instant brown rice and instant oats on hand. Listen, I'm an impatient ass mfer, I don't have 45 mins to cook some goddamn rice.

I also luv eggies. And cheese. And dairy. Though I typically get reduced fat dairy products, except milk. Reduced fat sour cream, reduced fat cheese, sometimes reduced fat yogurt, but I take any yogurt I can get my hands on.

I use a LOT of canned beans, peas, chickpeas, and tomatoes. I also get frozen broccoli, cauliflower, sweet potatoes, red potatoes, and carrots as far as veggies go. I also often get chopped romaine lettuce, carrot chips, grape tomatoes, and onions. That is the beginning and the end to the veggies I eat, and best be fucking sure I put red kidney beans and chickpeas in everything almost it. Broccoli, too. Tomatoes.

Fruit wise, I have a LOT of fruit cups and canned fruit in 100% fruit juice, frozen fruit, and I also have a thing for clementines lately. Been eating tf out of them.

Snackies wise, I usually get that big box of baked chips from Lays. Peanut butter and graham crackers. Dark chocolate. Power Crunch protein bars because PROTEIN BARS DON'T HAVE TO BE DISGUSTING!!!!!

I pretty much exclusively use olive oil, but canola oil is also pretty damn good if you're on a budget! Just avoid regular butter, that shit's got so much calories and fat in it.....

Listen, you don't have to go broke buying shit. I tend to allot more money to food than most people because I have a LOT of food issues, and because I commit hard to shit. I have olive oil mayo and butter replacements, I keep low sugar and low sodium ketchup, and I buy expensive ass Lucini tomato sauce. You don't have to. Like I also buy tater tots and off-brand coco puffs and mini wheats.

I have experimented with a LOT of brands in the past few months, which I will probably make another post about eventually? Maybe? Also more budget-friendly shopping hacks and shit given I be trying to save as much money as possible.

GOALS

Listen, like every big project, you need goals. Getting your body healthy is a big project, and you should make goals. Goals on why you want to get healthy, goals on why to keep going even when shit gets hard. I don't care if it's the most vain shit ever, if it's a goal it's a fucking goal.

Here are some of mine:

More clothing options. If I lose more weight, I will be able to fit into smaller sizes and have more choices on what to wear.

SELF CONFIDENCE

Feeling less embarrassed when eating out somewhere.

HEALTH. A large part of me always feeling shitty is my diet and lack of proper vitamins and nutrients.

Prediabetes. I don't want to be like my mom and papaw and have to poke myself multiple times a day nor be reliant on insulin.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The main things I can impress upon y'all:

Build sustainable habits. If you don't think you'd be able to do it for the rest of your life, maybe rethink the habit before it becomes too set in stone.

You're gonna fall off the horse sometimes. You're gonna cheat, you're gonna make slip ups. And that's okay. Don't feel guilty, don't overrestrict or punish yourself for it. You're human, and you're trying, and that's okay. You can only do as much as you're able to right here and right now.

It's a hard and long road. Getting healthy and fit isn't going to be a breeze in the park. This shit is hard, especially if you're building new habits from scratch. But you got this. YOU CAN DO IT.

You HAVE to want this for yourself. No one else can want it for you. It has to be on you and you alone.

You're gonna find people wanting to sabotage you, as horrible as it sounds. Sometimes people feel threatened when others attempt to better themselves, because that person or those persons know they wouldn't put the time or energy into doing so themselves. And, unfortunately, some of those people are your close friends and family :/

TRY NEW THINGS. FAIL AND KEEP GOING. I have tried so much shit in the last few months, and some has stuck, some has not. I have learned I do not like a lot of vegetables, and that's okay. I also make taco salad (from 'scratch') at least two to three times a month. What works, works!

You are going to bloat A LOT when you start amping up workouts. Your body holds extra water and nutrients for up to FOUR WEEKS after you start exercising or start a new exercise routine/build up on your existing one. This is to repair your muscles and joints as they grow.

Scales like to lie, and they won't tell you how much water weight you're holding. And yes, you will be able to tell you're bloated. I never knew of bloating until now and sometimes shit fits weird when I'm majorly bloated. It SUCKS

Measure yourself. Your stomach, chest, waist, hips. All of it. Keep it. It'll be amazing to see how much you've changed eventually.

I actually would LOVE to keep making posts like this. But, here's my current progress:

I am a little under 270 lbs, unsure of how much as I am starting and trying new exercises, as well as my new job being HELLA more active than my old one.

I do have more processed stuff in my diet, but i do try to balance it with healthier food, too. Budgeting is.... hard.

My blood pressure tends to run 110/70 now.

I hope this helps someone out there.

My heart rate has gone down from 100+ bpm, to now it's at 60-75 bpm.

I also drink diet soda now, usually one a day.

#weight loss #weight #nutrition #health #health and wellness #wellness

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years ago

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So TW medical bitterness, cancer, hysterectomy, abnormal periods, mental health, past abuse. I just want to encourage others with my story, I guess.

Since 2018, I knew something was wrong with my uterus, but I figured I was just young and didn't know stuff yet. I developed late emotionally/physically, like not even getting anything near a stereotypical period until I was 22, even though I'd been spotting since 12.

I started bleeding a lot and never really stopped, even with a fist-sized blood clot that nearly made me pass out. But I got on birth control for the anemia and they said it would reset my reproductive system.

Which for a lot of people it does! Not so for me.

Fast forward to 2020, and I'm in the hospital for a pulmonary embolism that was caused by the very same birth control that kept me from bleeding to death. I asked to get a hysterectomy because something ain't right.

They told me that I being was dramatic and swapped me to progesterone-only birth control. I didn't stop asking though.

Fast forward again to 2022, last November, and I got on antidepressants for the first time. Honestly, it's amazing no longer having a maelstrom of ADHD, anxiety (thanks hospital stay), and depression in my head where I feel lost.

But then I started bleeding again. The antidepressants overrode my birth control. So I quickly switched to another antidepressant and got into the gynecologist who put me on a progesterone booster.

They did an ultrasound and get this, in the 3 days I bled, my body made 19 mm of uterine lining. 19! A month later when I went back to see how much had been dissolved by the higher dose of meds (as is supposed to happen), I was only down to 16 mm of lining!

Obviously, it's not working and I produce far more than should be possible. NO SHIT.

Anyway, so March of this year, I had a D&C surgery. They scrape out my uterus and send all the contents to the lab for testing.

LO AND BEHOLD, TWO WEEKS LATER I AM CALLED IN BETWEEN NORMAL PATIENTS AND TOLD THAT I HAVE UTERINE CANCER.

The only thing I cried about was that I no longer have to fight to get the hysterectomy because it's now seen as a lifesaving operation instead of "convenience".

I'm the one driving this meat suit and I told them there was something wrong for YEARS.

So, in 8 days (April 27th, 2023, since I don't know when this will get shared), I get a hysterectomy and my life back. All the risks of birth control, the weight gain, so much will be gone and I can lower doses on my other meds.

Yes, I'm fat and they can blame as much as they want on that fact, but now that the causes of my overeating are finally getting fixed, I'm losing said weight and I will finally be free.

I'm a subset of asexual with sexual abuse trauma, so while I know the big choice I'm losing, I would rather be alive and foster kids when I'm older than have kids/a relationship and be the emotional/verbal abuser that my parents were because it's so internalized that I haven't dug it out yet.

Never stop asking. Never let them sweep you off to the side. Make your doctor rule out everything until they finally do what you want.

I'm bitter, I admit it. I'm bitter against my mom for not diagnosing me with my ADHD and getting me medicated as a child. My first adderall was my 30th birthday, because I snuck behind her back for it. I don't give a shit about the stigma of mental health, I want to be free. I want to be me.

Find the good doctors out there and hang onto them. Dig your feet in and stand up. AFAB are more than the uteruses we are born with. Fat people are more than just our fat. We are people worth getting real genuine help by the medical field. We need more people to learn how people of different races are built differently too.

I now can't even take HRT (to stave off menopause) because I've had both embolism and cancer.

I admit, I wasn't strong enough to fight against my family for the help I needed, and I'm not sure if it was because I was a coward or just not mature enough. But I'm a human being.

I'm going to win and be happy, even if it takes me fighting for the rest of my life to be seen as worthwhile. I'm so tired, but I won't fall. I can't.

-Audra

Hi Audra,

I'm so sorry that you struggled to get a proper diagnosis and treatment, but I'm glad that you could get the help you needed. Your experiences highlight the importance of advocating for ourselves and persistently seeking the help and treatment we deserve.

The bitterness you feel towards your mom and the healthcare system is valid. It's natural to have complex emotions when reflecting on the past and the support that could have made a significant difference in your life. But the focus now is on your well-being and reclaiming your life.

Please know that you are more than the conditions you've faced. You are a human being deserving of compassion, understanding, and comprehensive healthcare. It's essential to take care of yourself mentally and physically as you continue your healing journey.

I hope I could help. Please feel free to reach out if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #audra #tw abuse #tw medical abuse

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twinhood-2dot0 · 2 years ago

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A Shallow Dive Into: Evolution

Evolution is a funny thing. Here’s a quote from a YouTube video that stuck with me: “If evolution were a person, it would be the ultimate C-student. It wouldn’t be trying to get straight A’s by putting together a perfectly crafted organism, for it, good enough to pass, a.k.a survive and reproduce, is good enough.” The video was about Pumpkin Toadlets, a frog who’s barely 2 cm at most.

So in most vertebrates, the ear contains the vestibular system, which is responsible for balance. But because it’s so tiny, it’s ear is underdeveloped, therefore have no idea which idea is up when they jump, so they just go rigid, which seems to be the best strategy to land with their physiology. They usually walk around the forest floor, which is kinda adorable to watch, and only jump to avoid predators. Their mating calls are also inaudible to them, so they keep screeching for a lover but their cries go unheard, which is kinda sad to be honest. I’m too lazy to find sources but I’m pretty sure I heard somewhere that this is because this species branched off from other frogs before they evolved hopping as a method for locomotion instead of escaping predators (take it with a grain of salt, I’m not a very reliable source of information with my barely functioning memory). This is a video of a close relative with more developed inner ears, and their jumping isn’t exactly graceful either. This is the video I quoted, you can watch the whole thing for more details.

youtube

Living Fossils

I’ve touched briefly on the topic of living fossils the first time we started this blog, but never really went into detail. Living fossils are special in the way that they came into their current form way, way long ago, like hundreds of millions of years ago. This has fascinated me ever since I found out about them, like, it just went “Okay, good enough, I’m gonna go rest for 400 million years now”, and because of their ancient evolutionary features, they look otherworldly.

Just look at them

Okay, the next one I’m just gonna link, fair warning, it’s an image of hagfish teeth, it’s uh, if you told me it was from a Lovecraftian horror media, I would totally believe you.

https://www.ualberta.ca/science/media-library/news/2019/jan/hagfish-fossil-modern.jpg

Funny fact that you probably know >:( but in the tiny off chance that you don’t, vertebrates are first separated into jawless fish, which contains the hagfish and lampreys, and jawed vertebrates, which contain cartilaginous fish (sharks, rays and chimaeras), and bony vertebrates, which contain ray-finned fishes, and lobe-fins, which contain lungfishes, coelacanths, and, yours truly (ours truly???) tetrapods, which leads to some funny stuff, like sharks are more closely related to us than hagfish, and lungfishes are more closely related to us than salmons.

Okay, BACK ON TOPIC.

What I want to talk about, however, is the subject of the second image, the horseshoe crab (which is a misnomer, they’re more closely related to scorpions and spiders, I guess it’s like a starfish crayfish situation). Specifically, their blood. Unlike most animals, as you probably know, they have blue blood. That’s because instead of containing iron like us, they instead have copper. Their blood also contains an amebocyte, which functions similarly to our white blood cells in defending against pathogens. Limulus amebocyte lysate, made from their blood, plays a very important role in medicine. Their blood clots in the presence of bacterial endotoxins, so they’re used to test a lot of drugs and surgical implants and the like. So, for this, approximately 500,000 horseshoe crabs are captured annually for their blood. Most of them do, fortunately, release them back, but they have a mortality rate of 3-15% or 10-30% depending on how much blood is extracted. They’re also captured during their breeding season, when they come to the shore, so there’s a lower number of them left to breed, and they also could start to avoid breeding at all due to this.

If you thought that was bad, a million of them are harvested for bait annually in the United States. Some states have fully or partially banned this, luckily. This is also bad for the red knot, who are long distance migratory birds, who feed on their eggs on their stopovers in New Jersey and Delaware.

Shoreline development and destruction is a threat to them, with a species declared extinct in Taiwan and another endangered in Hong Kong.

I wanted to talk about a few more, but it has droned on a little, so I’m gonna end it here. Also, I think I should explain why I call these posts “shallow dives” when they are quite long. The topics I cover here are mostly stuff with a ton to explore. Sampling and leitmotifs (although, that one was pretty comprehensive) in Music, DC Comics, video games, AI, and of course, evolution. I try to explain them on a superficial level so you may get interested and explore it on your own, hence, a shallow dive.

Also, I know scientific stuff is your thing, I stole it, it's mine now, at least for the next three days >:). I'm also gonna steal your song recommendation thing >:)

Swedish song but it's awesome, I've become obsessed with this artist recently.

I would steal the handwritten thing too, but I handwriting is completely illegible.

Here’s some videos and articles if you wanna learn more about what I touched upon here:

hey look, this link has a face at the end!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXVnuG3zO_0

youtube

Uh and also if you want horrific imagery, look up candiru, I was unfortunate enough to stumble upon this while looking up lampreys, the only other extant jawless fish.

#Youtube #Spotify #evolution #natural selection #a shallow dive into #hagfish #biology #marine biology #no such thing as a fish #horseshoe crab

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hieuthong · 9 months ago

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Creative Nonfiction

healing journey

Cancer is often whispered in hushed tones, its name bears fear and uncertainty. It’s like a scary ghost lurking in the corner of your room, constantly haunting you. Many people view cancer as a merciless predator, ready to strike without warning. It’s a word that evokes emotions of loss, suffering, and battling against the enemy. But underneath what people think about cancer, there is a mix of facts, stories, fears, and hope that affect how we see this tough opponent. Cancer isn’t something I’ve just heard about, it's something I’ve seen up close and personal. I watched as my mother faced it head-on, her courage and strength shining through even on the darkest and cloudiest days.

My family had a history of cervical cancer. Before my mother, it was my grandmother. She had been diagnosed with the same cancer but thankfully she found out before it was fully developed. It was in 2016 when my mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer but not as fortunate as my grandmother because by the time my mother discovered her diagnosis, the cancer had already progressed to stage 1. At that time, I was still young and clueless about what was happening. There was nothing much I could do to help her, the least I could do was focus on doing my best for UPSR exams and not adding to her stress.

It was my trip after Melbourne that things took a turn for the worse. My mother was constantly visiting the clinic to get body check-ups. Initially, the doctors linked her symptoms to irregular periods and heavy flow, but it worsened over time. The appearance of blood clots made her seek a more detailed examination. When the results came back, we were all in disbelief. Denial, cold and heavy, settled in my stomach. I did not want to believe that it had happened to my own mother. I’ve heard stories about other relatives facing cancer but knowing that it has struck someone closest to me to get diagnosed was a different kind of feeling, like a stab in the heart. It was like an earthquake shaking the very foundations of my world. The sense of security I took for granted, the terror of losing someone irreplaceable, someone who held the threads of my world together.

Although I did not know the severity and seriousness of the situation, I was still deeply concerned. Every mention of my mother hit me hard, I was hypersensitive at that time. There was this one instance where one of my classmates joked that my mother would pass, and I took it to heart, shattering the fragile world I built around myself. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision. A sob escaped my lips, as tears rolled down my pale face. The voice of my classmate echoed through my head, fearing that the joke might become reality. It may seem like I could not take a joke from an outsider's point of view, but it was much more than that. He did not know what I was going through nor was I planning to tell him about my family’s struggle. I kept everything to myself, convinced that it was a private matter that others did not need to know about.

Soon after multiple consultations, the doctors scheduled a date for my mother's surgery. They had informed her she was fortunate enough to catch it at an early stage, however, there were still risks involved. Unfortunately, it falls on a Thursday, so I was not able to be there for her during the surgery. On the day itself, my mom woke early before I left for school, she reassured me that it was just a minor surgery and that she would be back home before I knew it. Despite her comforting words, I could not shake off the unease I felt. Tears filled my eyes on my way to school as my dad dropped me off. He offered reassurance, promising that everything would be okay. My dad later shared how unbearable the fear was for him during that time, especially when the surgery took longer than expected. But thank the gods it went well. Initially, the doctors had advised against chemotherapy, recommending only radiotherapy. However, after the surgery, they strongly encouraged her to undergo both treatments to reduce the risk of recurrence.

I vividly remember the initial days after my mother's surgery. It pained me deeply to witness her in such a weakened and fragile state. Her skin, usually vibrant, was now pale and drawn. The sight of her was even harder to bear. Every sip of soup seemed like a challenge, her body rejecting the food, often vomiting. The once strong hands that used to braid my hair became bruised from the nurse's attempt to find a suitable vein for injections, a task made difficult by her weight and fragility. Seeing her like this was unbearable for me but I understood it was a necessary part of her recovery journey. Thankfully, she only had to endure 5 chemotherapy sessions, which was considered relatively minimal in comparison to what others undergo. Even in such a weakened state, my mother clung to hope.

Throughout this journey, I found myself stepping into a newfound sense of responsibility. As my mother underwent her treatments, I took on a more active role in managing household chores and caring for others. Chores that I once dreaded were tackled with a newfound urgency. Folding and washing laundry became a meditative act, each crease a silent promise to hold things together. I took up the responsibility of looking after my sister whenever my dad was busy with work. Although my grandparents had moved in with us to help lighten the burden, I recognized the importance of contributing to the family's well-being in any way I could. Every task I completed, every plate I washed, was a tiny victory, a way to prove that even in Mom's absence, our family wouldn't crumble.

Not only that but after realizing that stress and an unhealthy diet can contribute to cancer. With a newfound awareness, we made efforts to adopt healthier habits and prioritize our well-being. Whenever there was a marathon in town, my dad would sign us all up to participate, encouraging us to embrace physical activity together as a family. Despite coming back from a busy day at work, she dedicated herself to cooking more at home, avoiding processed food and unhealthy options often served at restaurants. Moreover, my mother took the initiative to sign up for physical classes to further enhance her physical fitness. At some point, she also enrolled both of us in a Zumba class which I dreaded but over time I came to appreciate the nature of these workouts.

Cancer’s brutal touch left deep scars within me, but it also helped me grow as a person. This journey has unfolded a series of painful moments and heartache revelations for me. From the shock of hearing the news that my mother got diagnosed with cancer to watching her go through the painful healing. My mother’s courage and strength were what kept our hopes up. Every day, we pray for her recovery, holding onto the belief that she will soon regain her health. Amid this journey, I have undergone personal growth, I became a more responsible person and learned to be more independent. I’ve learned to not constantly rely on my parents. This also changed our lifestyle, leading us to adopt healthier habits. I am glad that we, as a family, were able to overcome such challenges.

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4kids2dogsandabreakdown · 11 months ago

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Dashi Birth Story

Okay so, its been 6 years and much of this is from memory. I know I wrote a diary while I was in the hospital with Dashi but I cant find the damn thing!

Monday 8th January 2018, Was having contractions in the morning, we got the kids ready for school and nursery. My best friend and David were there, once the kids went off I dont think it was long before we were heading to the hospital. My friend was laughing hysterically at me because I was 'mooing' with each contraction :D

We'd had a number of meetings with the hospital before going in for this delivery and it had been agreed that I would be able to labour in the midwife led unit without constant monitoring. I know the doctors had reservations about it, but it genuinely made the labour so much easier for me.

I was in the birth pool the whole time, I coped well with the pain and only had a bit of gas and air all the way through.

We were given space and privacy for most of the time between them checking the baby/me so we were alone when the waters burst. The pool became murky which seemed like something we should be worried about so we asked the midwife to come back in.

At that point I was starting to want to push. I think they checked how dialated I was, then I was pushing. Two midwives were assisting, catching her. She was very briefly put on my chest and then taken out of the room. I was informed that she had breathed in meconium and was struggling to breathe properly.

She was born at 2.15pm, before the kids had even finished school.

I was....scared, but kind of numb too, like I daren`t think too hard in case I went off the deep end completely and lost my shit.

So me and David were just sitting alone in this labour room eating toast and having a cup of coffee wondering if our baby was dead.

I felt like shit, but Id just given birth so it was kind of expected. I tried to go to the toilet, I managed to stand up but as I did a LOT of blood fell out of me and I hit the deck. I dont remember being lifted or put on the bed, there were suddenly loads of people running around (David had pushed the emergency button).

I really thought I might die, Ive been through a fair amount of scary situations but I think this one was the closest Ive come to not surviving. David held it and me together. I was rushed to a delivery room and they started manually removing clots from my womb (without an epidural) but they couldnt get me to stop bleeding. So it was decided Id have to go to theatre and hopefully stop the bleeding in there.

Luckily I only had to have an epidural instead of a general but it being in theatre again was horrific and not something I ever ever want to go through again.

I was taken to a ward afterwards, Im not sure where david was, I think Id sent him to watch over Dashi. They said I couldnt go and see her until I was more recovered. I was absolutely not having that. I managed to get a nurse to take me to the toilet, sadly because of the epidural and pessary they'd given me I shit all over her (I felt SO bad for her!) but she just cleaned me up and was really professional about it.

So, 10 hours after she was born I finally got to meet Dashi properly. I really cant remember if I held her that night, I think I did, I remember her being placed on me attached to all the wires and things.

The kids came to NICU to meet Dashi while she was still in the incubator, it was all very overwhelming for them. My bestie also snuck herself in by telling the nurses she was my wife and the other mum!

The next couple of days Dashi was kept in NICU because the meconium had caused an infection in her lungs and then the machines they'd had to use to get her to breath caused a hole in her lung to develop.

I walked 19000 steps the first day taking breastmilk to the NICU ward. The only thing I could do was provide milk so I was going to do it SO DAMN WELL. I asked a nurse for something to collect colostrum and she handed us a 5ml syringe....I was like, either give me 10 of these or something bigger XD

Eventually after a few days she was well enough to come out of the incubator and into the mum/baby special care ward with me. Being able to dress her and feed her was amazing. I was really missing home though.

We went home on Sunday, so 6 days in hospital all together. Hizashi Jasmine.

#birth story #Dashi #hizashi jasmine #christ that was a long story #congrats if you read all of that!

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jenroses · 5 months ago

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IF you are tracking your cycle AND you are regular AND you are tracking your fertility symptoms AND your luteal phase is pretty normal (10-14 days) then no, it is highly unlikely that you will get pregnant having sex in the week prior to your period, but ALL of those things must be true. The most fertile part of the cycle is in the days right before ovulation. It takes ehhh 12-ish hours for the sperm to get up in there and there has to be some level of fertile mucus (which may or may not be palpable from the outside) and pretty much the window of opportunity is gone about 12 hours after the egg actually drops.

BUT... many things can delay ovulation, including stress or illness. And a delayed ovulation will often delay the subsequent period. And there's often a burst of horniness for a lot of people preceding ovulation. So simply going based on libido is very likely to get you pregnant.

The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a pretty good source for getting to really understand what your body is doing. Because of a variety of allergy issues and weird reactions/body differences* that made most forms of birth control a Problem for me, I had to use this for a substantial part of my adult life.

My first child, before I read this book but was sort of familiar with the general method, I wasn't tracking carefully due to a variety of circumstances, and was the only unplanned pregnancy I ever had. My track record after that was 100% success in that I never again got pregnant when I did not want to be and DID get pregnant every time we tried (two miscarriages, two successful planned pregnancies.) Not everyone will find it as easy as I did to tell when they are fertile but once I knew what I was looking for, it was dead easy to tell, and I was extremely committed to getting it right. For me, the "I'm not going to get pregnant from this" window started about 3 days after ovulation (fertile mucus gone, temp did the thing) through the first couple days of my period. Most of that time I was not remotely horny, but if I was ever going to have sex it was going to be then because my mood regarding pregnancy was generally either obsessively avoiding or obsessively trying.

Footnote *: FVL and a blood clot at age 19 stopped my ability to use birth control pills forever. I developed allergic/mast cell reactions to most spermacides and lubricants, didn't trust condoms because of experience with failures where the condoms came off in the act, and the mirena, which I used for several years, ended up killing my libido deader than a doornail, can't get pregnant if you're completely sex repulsed and can't deal with the idea of it. Copper IUD was out because my periods were already arduous, and progesterone probably contributed to my gigantomastia and weight gain in the extreme, so implants were Not Going To Happen. Cups were *painful* because of my fussy, friable cervix. There's a reason why I was glad to yeet my uterus when I was done with it, and after kid #3 I was So Done.

whenever people talk about the whole thing of feeling really horny in the days directly before your period they always talk about how "its your last chance to get pregnant" but arent you infertile in the week or two right before your period????????

bestie no oh my god. about two weeks before your period is when you're ovulating and likely to be at your most fertile. the whole reason your period happens is because you fail to get pregnant and your body has to flush out the unused egg and that cushy blood nest that the uterus built up to grow a baby in. the period happens because your body was trying like the dickens to get pregnant during the fertile window and was thwarted.

it's also really important to note that while there is certainly a window in which you're more likely to get pregnant, there's no stage of the menstrual cycle during which people are completely infertile (unless, obviously, they're infertile for other reasons). while rare, pregnancy can even occur while you're on your period.

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ichayalovesyou · 4 years ago

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THE BIG VULCAN BIOLOGY POST (aka Vulcan is a Hell Planet)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a biologist, astrophysicist, neurologist, animal psychologist or literally anything that would qualify me to talk about this with 100% confidence. This is the result of dozens of headcanons and obsessive deep dive research. I don’t want this post to be three miles long, so after I address the planetary stuff I will oblige y’all with a Read More.

Adsfasdkfjhaslkdfh I’ve been working on this post for almost a month SO HERE WE GO!

First of all, Vulcan (aka T’Khasi) is a HELL PLANET, which is part of the reason they’re so badass, I say this for the following reasons:

No moon(s) (natural satellites)

Sodium (Salt) is so rare on the planet that Vulcan’s oceans are freshwater

It’s a “Super-Earth” (as in big chonkin’ planet of similar composition to earth in the “goldilocks region”)

Let’s do this.

“Vulcan has no moon Ms. Uhura.”

-Spock, The Man Trap

Tons of things change about our planet if there was no moon:

Much darker nights (no moonlight)

Much lower sea levels since there is no gravity from the moon to pull it upward.

Lower and weaker tides because the water is pulled by the sun instead of the moon, and it depends on how large the Vulcan solar system’s sun is for how big the waves are.

Stronger winds from faster planet rotation.

Depending on whether the axis of the planet would straighten or tilt further without the moon’s pull, combined with the faster rotation would lead to more severe seasons (strong tilt) or no seasons at all (no tilt)

The first factor may lead to Vulcan eyes being very catlike even if they aren’t nocturnal (I think they’re crepesucular but we’ll get into that later). Which given the likely nature of their blood and their herbivorous eating habits they probably aren’t. The sky would still be so dark that our human eyes couldn’t even see our hands in front of us, being blind when the sun goes down could be a death sentence. Alternatively, if they didn’t develop strong night vision that may be one of the reasons why they have such strong senses of hearing.

The stronger winds, faster rotation, and stronger (or nonexistent) seasons come from the lack of resistance and friction that stronger tides and the moon’s pull create on our planet. I suspect that Vulcan is larger, or at least denser than Earth, but I’ve been informed that according to the TMP novelization that it does rotate faster. I also think that Vulcan’s tilt is on the more extreme end to get the hostile extremes like storms and heat that we see on Vulcan.

If you look at this image of Vulcan, water covers way less of the planet’s surface than Earth. I don’t think this is necessarily because Vulcan has less water, but that it isn’t spread as far because of the lack of moon, and the fact that the oceans are freshwater, I’ll get into that shortly.

“My ancestors spawned from a different ocean than yours.”

-Spock, The Man Trap

In the Star Trek: The Original Series (third) pilot The Man Trap, there is a creature that kills its victims by draining their bodies completely of salt. Spock encounters the creature but does not die, implying his (and Vulcans overall) body contains little to no salt. His justification is that his species did not evolve from a salinized ocean.

What does it mean to have oceans with no salt?

This has to mean that sodium is a very rare mineral on Vulcan, as the reason our oceans are so salinized is due to erosion of minerals by rainfall, carried from river to ocean. Salt in the ocean is also generated by submarine volcanic activity, which means either that the volcanoes on Vulcan (which we definitely know exist) somehow don’t produce salt, or the vast majority of the submarine volcanoes have been inactive for millions if not billions of years. The active volcanoes on Vulcan must be very far inland and/or Vulcan has almost no rivers, which given how hot the planet is, wouldn’t actually be too much of a stretch of the imagination.

Which means every single lifeform on T’Khasi, including Vulcans, evolved biosystems that exist without (or with very little) salt content. Any salt that exists would likely be deep beneath the planet’s surface, and within volcanoes.

No saltwater has a ton of consequences:

Plants (like underwater algae) are rarer and may not photosynthesize the same way Earth plants do, meaning less oxygen and more carbon dioxide, which means more greenhouse effect, which means higher temperatures.

The lack of salt would also mean less diverse plant life (at least as humans know it) and given the lack of visible rivers and vast swaths of desert on Vulcan, we can safely say vegetation must be hardier and infrequent.

Lower sea levels as the oceans would have lower density due to lack of salt.

Little to no water convection, which salt is crucial for on Earth. Which means warm ocean water doesn’t move to cold regions and vice versa. Creating extremes, the equator being obscenely hot, and polar waters freezing at the poles more extensively.

Lack of convection means more frequent and stronger storms like hurricanes.

If you thought the lack of a moon made Vulcan inhospitable, compound it with the low sodium factor and you’ve got a planet of even more severe extremes than before. The heat, and the decrease of plant diversity definitely explain why the vast majority of Vulcan is rocky desert, even being near the water poses more extreme dangers than it would on earth due to the increased frequency of hurricanes.

“Mr. Spock is much stronger than an ordinary human being.”

-Kirk, This Side of Paradise

I am almost 100% sure that Vulcan is either bigger or denser than Earth. Which would explain why Vulcans are so much stronger than Humans and other species that exist on similar gravity worlds.

Effects of a high-gravity planet or “Super-Earth” include:

Everything is shorter or has very strong foundations, plants, animals, structures, and people.

More “Armageddon” class asteroids would hit the planet (like the one that killed the dinosaurs and created the Gulf of Mexico)

Larger liquid mantle under the planet’s surface, higher pressure under the surface as well.

Weaker magnetic field due to lack of convection in the planet’s core (not to be confused with the mantle interacting with the planet’s crust). Which means a weaker atmosphere, lower magnetism in surface metals, and increased vulnerability to solar flares.

More volcanically and seismically active due the the increase in the mantle’s size and generated heat, more earthquakes, and more volcanic eruptions.

Would have to have a smaller sun but be closer in orbit to it than earth.

Extremely deep oceans, potentially with water under so much pressure at the bottom that it becomes solid like ice. Luckily Vulcan is not an ocean world, because the pressure would block the planet’s core from interacting with the atmosphere, which would prevent life as we know it from happening.

There is plenty of evidence for this on so many levels. We never see any plant life similar to trees on Vulcan. Nor animals significantly larger than Vulcans, the ones that are bigger are much more muscular. Vulcan’s sky is more red than blue because of the lack of oxygen molecules for the light from the sun to filter as blue. I actually headcanon that Spock is unusually tall for a Vulcan because of his human heritage (Leonard Nimoy was around 6ft tall) , and may have had heart and muscle problems in his teens and early adulthood while on Vulcan.

Perhaps Vulcans are the result of many more extinction level events than we are, contributing to their hardiness. Perhaps they are, evolutionarily, not too much older than we are, and had more incentive to develop extraterrestrial technology than we have, so that they could repel Armageddon Class meteors and defend their planet against Solar Flares? Space travel being born out of self-preservation rather than curiosity. Which would absolutely account for their attitudes in the beginning of Star Trek: Enterprise.

It could be that Vulcans still maintain a semi-nomadic lifestyle even today because their planet is so incredibly volatile. Unsentimental and utilitarian in anything less than the most sacred of architecture long before they adopted the teachings of Surak. Their own survival more valuable than any structure that would inevitably be damaged or destroyed by their planet’s harsh environment.

In summary, Vulcan is a Nightmare Planet because:

So, so many much natural disasters, like, so many, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, hurricanes, twisters, just, so many more than Earth.

Water is relegated to specific locations in the world rather than spread across it due to lack of flow and lower sea levels.

Extreme temperature changes, intense heat, intense cold, hard to breathe, stronger gravity.

Due to the planet’s hostility, there is a smaller diversity of life than we have here on earth, which means fewer and hardier food sources that, like Vulcans, are very difficult to kill.

So… How do they handle it? What features have they developed to adapt and thrive in such an inhospitable place?

First thing is first, lets talk about

BLOOD

“My hemoglobin is based on copper, not iron.”

-Spock, Obsession

Funny thing is Spock, it’s not hemoglobin at all! It’s hemocyanin! In fact, there are earth animals that have it, among them Horseshoe Crabs, crustaceans, mollusks and spiders!

Hemocyanin is blue when it hasn’t been exposed to oxygen, and blue-green when it has, according to some sources on Vulcans their blood is orangey red when unexposed to air and that’s why they have pink lips and so on, but we can brush that off as chemical variation within their hemocyanin. Better yet, maybe it’s trendy for Vulcans to wear pink lipstick nowadays, ‘cause Surak knows how horny Humans and Vulcans are for each other XD! Anyway!

Hemocyanin does quite a few things that our blood can’t, it’s uniquely built for high pressure, low oxygen environments, as well as endure temperature extremes like cold (not unlike nights on their planet). Not only that, but it coagulates and clots WAY faster than our blood. Which means wounds seal themselves off from harmful bacteria and stop bleeding much faster than hemoglobin. Pair that with the Vulcan ability to enter a healing torpor, no wonder Spock keeps surviving environments and wounds that would definitely have killed a human.

Now, the animals I listed don’t have veins, which for us carry oxygen around via hemoglobin, so it’s possible that the same difference that causes Vulcan blood to be a coppery orange-red beneath the skin, is the same reason they have veins. Allowing them to look more like us and lack the exoskeletons and deep ocean delving that their earth blood cousins have.

“The ship’s temperature is increasingly uncomfortable for me. I’ve adjusted the environment in my quarters to 125 degrees.”

-(Elderly) Spock, The Deadly Years

Oh goodie, the Vulcan blood temperature discourse has arrived, the age old question, are Vulcans warm-blooded or cold-blooded? The answer to this question is

YES

I am firmly in the small (but hopefully growing) camp Vulcans Are Heterothermic. Among the earth animals we know to be heterothermic are bumblebees, several species of bats, the opah fish, and the arctic ground squirrel. Of all these animals, despite the opposite temperature intensity of Vulcan’s environment, I’m basing how Vulcans function on the last one, the arctic squirrel.

Which means they can deliberately control their body temperature in accordance to the needs of their survival. I imagine, just as arctic ground squirrels can drop their body below zero as needed (entering what is called a “daily torpor”) Vulcans can do the same. In turn, they could possibly skyrocket their bodies to temperatures that would be a lethal fever for humans. Which makes both McCoy’s “nonexistent Vulcan metabolism” comments in various episodes, as well as describing his blood as “ice water” make sense. As well as Spock being able to handle the heightened body temperature caused by Henoch in “Return to Tomorrow”. It also explains why Spock was in far better shape than Bones in the freezing temperatures of the planet from “All Our Yesterdays”.

However, like arctic squirrel newborns, they start out as ectothermic (cold-blooded) which lends itself to the Vulcan infants needing even more skin to skin to survive than humans theory by @acesexualspock. Being born cold blooded would prevent them from immediately dying the second they were exposed to the dangerous extremes of Vulcan’s heat. I also think they slowly lose the ability to control their metabolic rate as they grow older, slowing down dramatically as they age, which is why Spock gets increasingly colder as he ages rapidly in “The Deadly Years”.

“The brightness of the Vulcan sun has caused the development of an inner eyelid.”

-Spock, Operation: Annihilate

I wanna thank @tribbleland for inspiring this part in particular.

I want to offer a special congratulations to furries people who let their love for anthro-cats bleed into their love for Vulcans, turns out Vulcans are very catlike! Like our feline Terran friends, Vulcans have what is called a Nicitating Membrane. It’s functions that would serve Vulcans well in their desert home include spreading moisture across the eye, protect the eye from small water and small debris (like sand for example), as well as protecting the eye from ultraviolet radiation, which is more or less what Spock said in that episode. Other animals that have Nicitating Membranes aside from felines is actually the majority of the animal kingdom, and primates (like us) are the exception and not the rule. I also subscribe to the idea that Vulcans have other desert dweller features like thick hair and eyelashes, sealable nostrils, big feet, a crepuscular sleep cycle (avoiding extreme midnight and midday temperatures), and a tough as nails digestive system!

As an added bonus fact since this section is pretty short: It makes purrfect sense for Vulcans to purr! In cats purring is an emotional regulator when they are angry or scared (Vulcans are ALL about regulating their emotions) as well as purring when they are happy. It is also a mechanism for healing themselves, their kittens, and their owners, the frequency at which cats purr (25-140 Hz) cover the same frequencies that are therapeutic for bone growth and fracture healing, pain relief, swelling reduction, wound healing, muscle growth and repair, tendon repair, and mobility of joints. I’m over here getting emotional about the mental image of like, Spock or Tuvok or smth sitting next to a wounded crewmember and just like, purring with a completely straight face and that is soft and just a little funny and I am emotionally compromised.

“And are it’s natives predatory?” “Not generally, but there have been exceptions.”

-Spock to Trelaine, The Squire of Gothos

Surprise! This isn’t just going to be about Vulcan dietary needs, it’s gonna be about animal behaviors and self-domestication as well! I was trying to think of herbivores that are capable of eating meat, and then this idea hit me like a bomb going of in my head-

Vulcans are like Hippos!

I don’t mean I think they used to be hippo-like (visually anyway) somewhere along the evolutionary line. I mean that they were probably big, extremely aggressive, pack roaming herbivores that are able to eat carrion when food is scarce. Have you ever seen a video of a group of Hippos smashing an alligator to smithereens? They kill more humans than any solitary predator on the African continent! What about a murder of crows killing a cat that injured one of them, or a group of bison saving a calf from a lion?! Herbivores can be insanely aggressive while still being social, plant-eating animals.

With that in mind, let’s talk about self-domestication! This is something that we humans (and to an extent, cats too) did way back in our biology according to some studies, we bred out aggression and bred in cooperativeness and curiosity. Cats, while partially domesticated by us, started looking for mates that were more sociable so that their offspring could exist closer to humans (and their food) as well as to tolerate other cats. While I do think Vulcans self-domesticated to a degree, I do not think they were able to do so nearly to the same extent as humans or our deliberately domesticated companions. Vulcan is a harsh, violent, and unforgiving planet, even more so than Earth, if Vulcans were naturally as friendly and curious as we Humans are now, they would not have survived as a species.

I believe this is why their emotions are so primal and strong, and things like Pon Farr and their unusually high wariness of the new and unexpected still exist so strongly. How do they live together in such high numbers and develop a functional society? They developed other means of coping as a work-around the impracticality of decreasing aggression!

“Call it a deep understanding of the way things happen to Vulcans.”

-Spock, The Immunity Syndrome

So, how do you have a species as aggressive, unforgiving, and frighteningly strong as Vulcans keep from completely destroying itself (aside from Surak’s teachings)? You take the empathy that humans already have, turn it up to 11, and tack on every evolutionary possibility to increase it. We already know how the Earth comparisons for Vulcan empathy: the extreme vitality of touch for the survival and emotional stability, cats purring to heal each other and themselves (and regulate emotions), nonverbal communication, the ancestral instincts of an infant animal being able to walk days after its born. What if we had all of these traits in remarkable spades, Vulcans certainly seem to! (Be prepared, the science starts getting a little squidgy because there are no real world comparisons and neurology research is very jargon heavy)

Electricity is a fundamental part of the biology of nearly all living things, it allows synapses to fire, regulates our internal organs, and gives us our senses of touch and movement. Skin to skin is so incredibly vital to the survival of infants, and the emotional stability for adults, that needing any more touch could be impractical and counterintuitive. So what if we got more from less? What if our sense of touch, and the acuteness of being able to read the emotions of others from body language and touch manifested as a form of what looks like from an outsider’s perspective, telepathy!

Now what if the radius of the sensation of touch could be extended much farther, say being able to sense someone to the same intensity I described in the last paragraph, like, through a wall or from across a room? What if you could connect to other lifeforms with the same ability like a chain circuit that could connect a whole species together in one giant circuitboard? I just described what Vulcans call the kwar’ma’khon, the telepathic energy that connects all Vulcans to each other!

Imagine having this same intense telepathic connection to someone for an extended period of time, like a t’hy’la or Bond Mate. What if you had a relatively easy to master non-lethal attack against other members of your species, that comes to you easily due to your intrinsic understanding of nerves and touch, like the Vulcan Nerve Pinch. In turn, what if, through the intensity of this connection you could transfer everything you knew and saw and felt to another person in the event of your death. That way, if you survived the harshness of your world without dying violently or unexpectedly, you could deliberately pass on that knowledge and those instincts to your next of kin, like the Katra. (thanks @distractedducky @spacedancer1701 & @find-me-in-outer-space)

Now, that’s A LOT of empathy on top of A LOT of aggression, if you don’t have a work around for any of these, as a species you’d be rendered a complete emotional wreck pretty much 24/7 (or whatever the time cycles for Vulcan are). Which is where @ineffablebuddies theory that Vulcans can control, or at least mitigate their incredibly strong emotional reactions the same way they control their nervous system and metabolic rate. Which is how they are able to be touch telepathic, able to enter a torpor at will, and be heterothermic in the first place. The only reason Vulcans come off as unemotional to us is because we simply do not see and feel the way that they can. Unlike us, because of their ability to control their own internal chemistry, if they follow Surak’s teachings and/or Syrranite ideology, they can take that emotional regulation to the extreme.

(BIG EXHALE) Congratulations on getting through this insanely long post! I hope you enjoyed it, if you want sources on any of my non-tumblr post research just let me know in the notes. LLAP! 💚🖖🏻💚

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juleswritesthis · 3 years ago

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My Thoughts: 9-1-1 5x16 May Day

HOLY SMOKES. Incredible, emotional, and beautiful episode of 9-1-1 on FOX. Writer, director,& editor deserve so much kudos. I am so astonished they packed so much story, character development and action into 43 minutes of television.

May Day. I’m so proud of May. She is her mother’s daughter. She’s strong & courageous and proved she bid someone great today! I love how she stood up for herself with Claudette then was the first to admit that she did want credit. I love her quick thinking & immense bravery, how she galvanized Claudette to get her moving. I love that she called Bobby ‘My Dad’ and meant it. Bravo May!

Papa Bear Bobby? Bobby is the greatest Papa Bear! I love his conversation with Athena and the way he said ‘mess with my kid you mess with me’. I think she fell in love with him again. Loved the Nash/Grant scenes but was hoping for a family hug. Bobby hears May is trapped and he instantly changes to Man on a mission! I loved his determination to save May at all costs. And I’m so glad he did get to save his daughter this time.

Firefighter Eddie Diaz. Yeah, baby my guy is back! No joke when he got into his gear without hesitation & ran into that building, I clapped. The way he immediately responded, his instincts, quick thinking and calm under pressure saved so many lives. Linda is right being a firefighter is Eddie’s calling. Icing on the cake was his big smile when Linda said God has spoken. Its about time we see him smile that big again.

Han Brothers Unite. These two were just a pleasure to watch today. During the first scene I wanted Chimney to listen to what Albert was telling him. I’m glad he recognized that & loved their conversation at the end. Also, full circle moment for Chimney, he saves his little bro where he couldn’t save Kevin. (Here come the tears again).

Lucy and Taylor Meet & Greet. I don’t even know what to think here and I’m still not sold on this storyline. But Lucy’s face when Taylor walked off made me snort so loud. I couldn’t help it!

Buck & Eddie Roadshow. So happy to see these two working together again. Like Chim/Hen, Buck & Eddie are incredible parters. They work together by instinct, watching them is like watching a symphony, perfectly timed, and effortless. Buck’s whole blood clot story, Eddies incredulous face, & Carson’s comment about taking their show on the road had me in stitches!

Yououou Are Not Alone. The way everyone just ran to help Bobby when Lucy radioed the mayday he was down. Buck and Eddie sprinted so fast I barely saw them. Bobby means so much to everyone & even surrogate father some. Though love the song they used; I will always link it to the Eddie Begins flashbacks, so kind of wish they had chosen a different one, something Unique to link only to this beautiful scene.

Josh Instant Love Connection. I’m so happy that it seems Josh finally gets a sweet boyfriend. Josh asking Sue if they do background checks on contractors though. Poor guy is still so traumatized after 2 years!

Evil Jonah Unmasked. The fandom had Jonah tagged as suspicious even evil weeks ago, but I can’t believe he killed Claudette! He has been stopping these victims’ hearts so he can restart them and get all the credit as a big hero or whatever. What a freaking psycho!

RIP Claudette. I may not have agreed with her teaching methods, but dang it Claudette deserved to live! After her and May finally find common ground, we find out a back story where she survived a previous fire, and she survives this fire, Jonah kills her? I’m so mad and so very sad for her. Totally did not expect that ending though. What a shock!

In Hen We Trust. I’m so glad Hen instinctively knows Jonah is suspect as all heck. My lady Karen is right, Hen didn’t trust him from the start. I’m so glad she told Hen to follow her instincts. I can’t wait to see Hen bring that murderer down!!!

Making with the Funny. (10 points for anyone who knows that reference 😊). This episode is so emotionally charged but also has great moments of levity. Like Eddie’s “today YOU are a guest in this house” and Josh’s response. Lmao. And countless other moments that make this episode so fun to watch in between the action and emotion.

Mayday. Perfect title is so perfect from the focus on May and this being “her day” to the use of mayday throughout the episode as distress call, to the entire episode being a distress call as in the call center in distress. Really can’t get a better title if they tried. I have to say though, Eddie’s first Mayday? HOT!!! (so many puns so little time 😉).

Definitely the best episode of the season (which given 5B is amazing!) and maybe in the top episodes of the show. I’m still bewildered we got so much in 1 episode. Yes, Maddie was missing, but everyone else, even side characters and guest stars had story and development. So brilliant. I can’t wait to see what the writers have in store for us next week and then finale! BRING IT!

#may day #may grant #bobby nash #athena grant #eddie diaz #hen wilson #karen wilson #chimney han #albert han #evan buckley #911 on fox #my thoughts

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intersex-support · 3 years ago

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Would you be able to look at my symptoms and point me in a direction? Im afab with non-ambiguous genitalia, but I've thought something could be off. My Dr says that we can't test for hormone problems because I need to perpetually be on birth control now, but I don't really know what to make of my reproductive health.

I didn't have a period until I was 18 yrs old. I never developed breast tissue until my highest dose of estrogen in my 20s and even then I have a small chest. When I started my period, it just never ended. Like I only stopped bleeding now, when I'm 27 and have had an IUD for a while. At first it was very heavy, but with sequentially higher bc doses it got lighter and is finally gone. After the first 2 years I had to get a blood transfusion because I lost too much blood lol and was fainting constantly. Even then it was a while until I recovered. I know I don't have haemophilia or a significant blood clotting problem (I have a minor one due to ehlers danlos). I know I don't have uterine cancer. They think I do have some endometriosis, but have told me the period is likely a hormonal thing. I don't have cysts on my ovaries as far as drs can see after multiple tests, and my current gyno (who seems the most truthful and good tbh) says that I probably just never ovulated really which is why it was perpetual. My first Dr to do an ultrasound came back and said "so you do have ovaries" which I've always thought was suspicious because it did not sound like a joke.

I had to be taken off estrogen because I have migraine with aura, and since I've got my mustache back.

I do have facial hair and more than average body hair, but nothing too drastic. I still have hormonal acne which I hate. I ask because I havent been able to find much about "late bloomers" and never ending periods without haemophilia. My Dr admits she doesn't know if it's PCOS, but said it's probably not worth testing because I don't want kids. Does this sound familiar to you? Would you know what tests to ask for?

I have a lot of health problems outside of this too, but it seems like this is separate. It may not be anything intersex related, but I don't know what it could be and it has been a source of some pain in my life because it did almost literally kill me without having any idea why this is happening lol.

Hi anon,

It sounds like you've been going through a lot in terms of health problems, and I really hope that you're able to find some answers. I'm not a medical expert so I can't really speak on what all the possibilities are, but I can speak about some things in the intersex direction.

It sounds like you've ruled out blood disorders, or at least blood disorders beyond your blood clotting problem with EDS. You've ruled out uterine cancer and I'm guessing you've also ruled out cervical cancer. Have you ruled out thyroid problems? That can be another possible cause or contributing factor. It does sound like your doctors have been evaluating whether or not you have an intersex variation, and I honestly think that it might be really likely. The fact that you have to be on consistent hormones to manage your period is really significant to me and I think that there's a lot of things that you've described that make intersex variations worth looking into.

Since you know that you have ovaries and you do experience a period, we can rule out a lot of intersex variations. What I really think you might want to look into is (N)CAH. I have NCAH, and I had a constant period. Literally would bleed for months, constantly, got severely anemic, and the only thing that stopped it was getting a progesterone IUD. I got my period when I was 11, had other clearer signs of hyperandrogenism, and went through puberty, so not quite the same as you, though. I also have some weird comorbid chronic illness things that might have contributed, but my constant period was the thing that basically got me diagnosed with NCAH. The fact that you have other symptoms like more body hair and hormonal acne is also a clue. It might even be possible that you have CAH (that's not salt wasting) that is one of the rarer types.

I'm not an endocrinologist and I don't know the specifics about what hormonal birth control makes what tests impossible, but I'm pretty sure there are some tests that should still be able to be done, especially if you are not on estrogen and are only on progesterone. The tests for (N)CAH are to get your testosterone levels checked, to get an ACTH stimulation test, and an 17 ohp level test. I think that you should still be able to get these done with a progesterone IUD, although I know estrogen can affect the ACTH stimulation test results. I'm not as familiar with how the other subtypes of CAH are diagnosed, but I know it involves testing responses to cortisol and also might require genome sequencing. PCOS is also basically diagnosed the same way as NCAH (some doctors are starting to see NCAH and PCOS as way more related than previously thought.) PCOS is diagnosed when everything else is ruled out and when two of these three things are present: hyperandrogenism, ovarian cysts, and oligo anovulation, which is basically irregular periods and difficulties with ovulation.

Honestly, if you hadn't said that you got an ultrasound done and that you had normal ovaries, I would have pointed you towards Turner's syndrome and mixed gonadal dysgenesis, because from your ask it sounds like you didn't start to go through puberty until you went on estrogen, and that really jumps out at me as something that Turner's syndrome could cause. Again, not as familiar with whether ultrasounds can malfunction, but I did just read this study that says that some people with Turner's syndrome had ovaries that appeared totally typical on an ultrasound. I really think you might want to look into getting an ultrasound again, or get a gonadal biopsy to see if you have ovotestes. This is a list of symptoms of Turner's Syndrome. To get diagnosed with Turner's syndrome, you would need to get a genetic karotype. If you have any hearing loss or heart problems, those can also be signs of Turner's Syndrome. Mixed gonadal dysgenesis can also cause some similar symptoms, and would be diagnosed through a genetic karyotype.

I also think something you might want to look into is another intersex variation called Follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) insensitivity. This is rarer, and I know less about it, but basically, it causes ovaries to not work right, creating a lack of estrogen, can even cause ovarian failure. People with FSH insensitivity usually don't have puberty without hormones, like you described. I'm not familiar with what periods typically look like when people with FSH insensivity go on estrogen, so someone correct me if I'm totally wrong. But a lot of things you've described really line up, and it might be worth it to get your FSH levels tested. I think you might also need to get gonadal and gonadotropin levels measured to diagnose FSH insensitivity.

I will admit that some of what you're describing is more severe than what is the typical presentation of these intersex variations, but I don't think that necessarily means that it isn't possible. I could also totally see it being the case that some of your other health issues like EDS could interact with a possible intersex variation to worsen the symptoms. I can't say for certain whether or not you have an intersex variation, but I will say that this ask had a lot of things that made me really, really think that it might be a possibility. Like. even more things than the typical asks I answer on here.

Honestly, if it's possible, I would look into getting a referral to an endocrinologist who specializes in intersex care (probably the language they will use is disorders of sexual development). It can be harder to find doctors as an adult, so it might even be worth reaching out to an intersex team at a pediatric hospital to ask them for referrals, because I think that what you're describing is going to take a specialist to diagnose. Your symptoms in many ways seem very clearly intersex, but they differ from the typical presentations in a few ways that might challenge doctors. If you want to send in another anon ask with more specific information about your location, I'm happy to do research for you to try to find a doctor who might be an expert.

Seriously wishing the best for you, anon, and please feel free to reach out with any other questions. You really deserve answers and support in this journey, and you are welcome to vent, ask questions, anything you want in the inbox. Love and solidarity from the mods here!

-Mod E

#asks #actuallyintersex #intersex #btw if you want to join the intersex discord as well. send an ask off anon #also anon this ask literally reminded me of so many things that have happened in my health journey #like. so so many #so like I really feel for you and literally. anything u need from us feel free to ask #I know how frustrating this is!!

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buddielove · 3 years ago

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Hi! I'm a gay fan of 911 and I have a question about the whole Buddie fandom. As much as I like Buck and Eddie, it's frustrating that a HUGE part of the fandom is pushing for these two characters to get together instead of putting energy into supporting Hen & Carla and Michael & Dave. Not to mention Carlos and TK in Lone Star. Can you explain to me the appeal of wanting these two men together? Wouldn't it be more interesting to see two heterosexual males just be able to bond in a non-toxic fashion? That's something we don't get to see often on television.

Hey! This is MAD long lmao I am so sorry! You caught me on a day I felt like talking! Also this took like a year to answer you lolololol. This does have a few ʻhot takesʻ so please be warned! So like in this essay....

So first I am also apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, so I do understand how it could come across as a fetish or being non supportive of the current canonically LGBTQIA+ characters, however I think a lot of the interest around Buddie and the want for them to be confirmed as a couple is how they are being written. Me personally I knew since s2 e1 Buck and Eddie were written not as rivals but as two people who would eventually become friends, but it wasn’t until the Christmas episode with the elf assuming Buck was Chris’s dad and Eddie’s partner that I was like ‘hold on!’ because I was really hoping Abbey would return and I didn’t see Eddie as a possible Buck live interest because of that. The elf’s comment wasn’t played off like most other shows would (think Dean and Sam arriving anywhere in Supernatural) it made me go back and look at the other episodes to see exactly how Buck and Eddie were being framed/written. And as we have moved into further seasons I think there has been a shift in how Buddie is being written, in s3 it was very much like two people progressing into a deeper friendship then the blood clot/lawsuit gets in the way and they both have to deal with emotions surrounding that, then Buck’s response to Eddie being trapped (we see how is he when Boddy is trapped in a fire WITH A GUNMAN, it’s emotional but not to the point is is with Eddie), even the love interests feel very pushed on us and there’s so little banter between Buddie about their gfs and how they feel about these new beginnings. It feels off, not like a friendship in the slightest, more like two people trying to force something and not wanting to deal with any other feelings. Then when Eddie gets shot and reveals Buck is Chris’s legal Guardian in the event Eddie dies, that’s huge, and he did this after only a year of knowing Buck (I have friends with kids. I’ve known one of them for FIVE years, I’m at their house every week, the kid calls me family. I’m person #10 on the list of ‘who gets my kid if I die’, not #1 lol) It just feels like it’s all building up to something, and people are getting tired of waiting for that something! We’re all emotionally tired from the past two years, and probably from many shows queerbaiting us and this is something that could happen, seems to be something the actors are ok with and the fans want. So why do they keep drawing it out. This isn’t about us demanding they ignore the chance to write a healthy platonic male friendship, or forcing two characters to be gay, it’s about holding the writers to what they’ve implied and seeing what could come of it.

Also think of it like this; If Buddie is confirmed it will still be a good example of a healthy friendship which then developed into something else, like Booth/Bones! Showing the natural progression of friendship to relationship that happens a lot in real life. It’s two men who previously (on screen at least) have only been with woman, but now they have an emotionally connection with someone which they then develop and explore. This could be 911’s first nontoxic depiction of two gay characters coming together, because sorry not sorry the canon couples aren’t perfect (which does humanize them) but they also reenforce harmful troupes that plaque the LGBTQIA+ community, which I’m sure you understand: TK was a drug addict, who only got with Carlos at first cause he was hot and sex was TK’s new addition (all gay men are sex addicts who do drugs and sleep with anything that moves). Carlos was ashamed and wanted to keep TK on the downlow (poc gay men want to pretend to be straight but have free access to gay sex). Hen cheated on Karen seemingly the first chance she got (lesbians can’t handle monogamy when pushed, and cheat on their long term partners). All known and documented troupes that happen far too often.

I’m not saying Buddie is some gay jesus ship that’s gonna save the entertainment industry but if done right it could prove to be one of the few healthy depictions of two men getting into a gay relationship we have. If they plan it out correctly, show us the relationship development, like they did with Maddie/Chim for example, Buddie could be used as a positive example of a gay fictional relationship (I really could go into depth about this. I probably should tbh).

As for not supporting Hen and KAREN, or Michael and DAVID, I think fans do support them! The writers don’t. If you read fanfics Henren and Michael/David are featured heavily in many fics, and ik some people might say ‘well they’re only there so Buddie can talk about their gay side!!’ but both these couples have their own fans and fanfic tags! They aren’t just plot devices in Buddie stories. There is a huge side of the fandom that supports Henren and wants to see more of them and their family. Same with Michael and David, during the episode where Michael and Bobby team up to find that plastic surgeon who was working illegally many people where ecstatic that we were getting more Michael/David content and that David was getting more than a couple lines. But sadly it seems like the writers only want to delve into these story lines when they need filler, they even miss opportunities to include these other LGBTQIA+ characters when it makes sense;

(Someone came for me about this but I am going to bring it up again)

When Chris is sad and wants more human connection, instead of bring Harry + Michael/David and Denny+Nia+Henren back into the picture (and yes I understood at the time the pandemic was bad (lmao still is!!), but all the actors at some point would have/had crossed over into each other’s ‘bubbles’, so ALL the actors would have been exposed to each other so getting the children together with adults they had ALREADY been with during shooting wouldn’t have been a super spreader event) but instead they brought in Ana after only two on screen dates and pretended like it was a logical thing for someone who’s up to that point been extremely careful with their child.

They really could have pushed the ‘118 is a family!’ message here and included the canonically gay supporting characters, and the lesbian main character(s) but they did not and instead chose to push the Ana/Eddie coupling even though they hadn’t properly developed it yet. The writers themselves don’t seem to care about developing their canonically gay characters and including them more than they have to but fans are continuously developing Henren and Michael/David with hc and fics.

I’d like to use your logic against you for a second, in s1 we have a very healthy, platonic friendship between Chim/Bobby but that got written out to the point they are more like boss/employee unless the scene calls for them to seem closer, we now have Bobby and Michael friendship but again we hardly see Michael. On Lone Star we have Owen and Judd as a really, really good example of a healthy male friendship but we see Judd more often with Tommy now then we do with Owen, and in s2 it’s overshadowed by Owen trusting Charlie from Twilight and constantly getting fucked over! Why can’t the writter just be happy with these happy, healthy, emotionally well male-male friendship they’ve already included and expand upon them. There’s enough drama because the show literally involves burning buildings and people’s lives being at risk from some natural/man made disaster ever 12 seconds. Does it need to have so much interpersonal conflict and male peacocking??

#Buddie #Please donʻt get offended by anything in this!!!#These are JUST my opinions which MAY change the further we get into this show!!#ALSO IT IS JUST A TV SHOW!!!! PLEASE BE KIND TO ME AND TO EACH OTHER

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borkthemork · 4 years ago

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think you can do a drabble based around maddie and marcy? maybe set after season 3 with the two just bonding over sorcery in peace afterall that tragedy. i mainly just wanna see more of the former in fanfiction 'cause she's way too interesting a character not ti have a ton of wriitng based around her.

"We need a cup of grounded Baphomet root."

"You got it!"

"And don't forget to grind it very well," Maddie instructed, tapping her chin as she looked through the book’s contents. “If we don’t do this correctly then we’ll bewitch the entire forest and I really don't want to be grounded for the rest of my life."

Taking the mortar and pestle Marcy smiled, letting out a light scoff. "I think we'll be fine. We've been doing this for months, and you're talking to a guaranteed perfectionist over here.”

That was true, but Maddie still ogled the ingredients in front of her. Everything looked in place. There was a distiller, jars of various contents they scrounged up from the forest, and the whiff of sulfur from the newly-churned pot reassured Maddie enough that yes, they should be on the right track.

The only worry came to exact measurements, or that aforementioned bewitching if they messed up. With the amount of potions and hexes she made during the Battle of Newtopia, Maddie could say that she leveled up enough to handle this rank of magic, but best to be prepared regardless.

Especially now that Marcy was back in one piece...and it would be awful if she had to endure another stressful situation just from a simple mistake in the calculations.

“Hey, Teach.” Marcy walked toward her. Looking down, Maddie was pleased to see that the roots had been grounded to a fine powder. A fine powder full of death and bad choices. “If we grind all of this together, do you think we have enough time for a potion? I was thinking...something spicy.”

“Spicy?” Maddie arched an eyebrow. “If you’re talking about fire potions, we don’t got any ingredients to��”

“No, no. Not like that.”

Okay, so no fire potions. But Marcy wasn’t making any sense at the moment, or at least giving Maddie a straight answer. “Then what are you implying? We’ve done protective seals, bond material, and cursed nutritional dirt. Potions take longer.” Not to mention that they spent an entire day with dark magic. They were practically going to be out past her curfew, which was a massive no in her book. “So what’s the rush?”

“Weelll,” Marcy pursed her lips. She was skipping around the subject again, but before Maddie could say anything else, Marcy grabbed the book and started flipping through. “I took a gander at your book a few hours ago, and I recalled seeing this chapter that talked about advanced healing.”

“Uhuh.”

“And I wanted to see if there’s a way to heal deep scarring, 'cause trying to get treatment back home isn’t uhh—” Marcy rubbed the back of her neck. “—working so good.”

Oh.

Maddie fumbled with her hands for a moment. “Right, Earth doesn’t have magic.”

“We know how to remove scars, but yeah can’t do much with big pharma these days. Well, I can go to Finland, but that’s long-term planning.” Marcy shrugged. “Doesn’t matter anyway. Since I’m here I wanted to research the idea. Doesn’t hurt to try.”

With that, Marcy turned the book. The page she was on displayed numerous pictures and lists about growth and skin development, and sounded like something that could transition Maddie to a Level Four Witch if she and Marcy had the time to fulfill it.

“Okay, I can definitely work with this,” Maddie mumbled. “I’ve never healed scarring before, so I wouldn’t mind practicing if you’re up for that.”

“Totally!” Marcy tapped a finger at her shirt’s center. “Test away. After all, it’s the only way to check out a hypothesis.”

Maddie understood that well, but that wasn’t what she was worried about.

Few nights would pass as the two started their newest project. Advanced healing needed a lot of ethereal products; thankfully, Joe Sparrow and a few messages to-and-from Newtopia had allowed them to gather the materials from the farthest corners of the continent.

Some pinches of obsidian rock salt. Jugs of spider milk. A cache of ticks, axolotl slime, and a whole load of bio-luminescent mushrooms. Everything they gathered were at their purest form, but what surprised the two most of all was that when the book ‘needed ethereal products’ they didn’t expect it to take practically a full month to cover their bases.

Or that Marcy would grow more and more tense with the oncoming passing of days.

Marcy had been chipper about the whole concept — enthusiastic too because who wouldn’t want to be enthusiastic about cheating the natural cycle of body decay? But still, actually hearing mention of what happened months prior was still awkward to partake in.

Maddie wasn’t dense. Observation was a key skill for a witch to have. If one didn’t watch simmered milk then that milk would eventually froth and explode. If one didn’t check the accuracy in volume then consider yourself cursed for all eternity. Observing ingredients was akin to observing people, of how their facial expressions twitched and stretched even when it was hard to see inside their thick skulls.

For Marcy, they were friends. It wasn’t that hard to know when she had something on her mind. Being the enthusiastic assistant she was, any stress that piled on to the work led to the typical signs: Marcy’s voice would get strained in higher pitch, less focused with the work at hand, and trying to get a forward answer from her became straight-up impossible.

So on a day like this, where the blood moon peeked through the canopies and bathed them in light, Maddie had to ask the question:

“Are you alright?”

Marcy glanced at her. Her arms were occupied, stripping the last of the conifer leaves into the bowl below her. “I’m good. Pretty fine if I do say so myself.”

“I think you’re lying.”

Her assistant widened her eyes, but when Maddie stared more Marcy didn’t seem to be that surprised. She just laughed. “Aw c’mon, Maddie. Give me a good reason as to why I’d be lying right now.”

“Well, you’re an inch away from putting the conifers into the Bunsen burner.”

“Wait, I am?”

“And now they’re on fire.” For the fifth time.

Marcy shoved the tinder into the water pot beside her, mumbling a string of ‘Ow’s under her breath. When the smoke fizzled out, Marcy’s shoulders slumped. “Okay, you've got a point. I am pretty out of it today.”

“You want to talk about it?”

"Well," Marcy set her instruments down, and bore wearily at the table's surface. "I just really want this to work. Back on Earth there's a potential guarantee that the scar will heal, but there's still that pesky margin of error, regardless. And even if I get the treatment I need, it'll never remove it.”

"In Amphibia, I've witnessed the miracle of revival and resuscitation,” she continued, starting to gesticulate. “These are things unexplainable to my world's current rules, anything’s possible. So...I just want to make sure this potion doesn’t fail.”

Maddie furrowed her eyebrows. "Why though?"

"Huh?"

"I get it. You want to heal your scar, but what's so bad about having one?" Maddie asked. "It shows you survived, and surviving isn't a bad thing."

Marcy's expression grew illegible.

Maddie stopped. "If it's really personal, I'll just get back to making the—"

"No, no, it's okay." Marcy's lips twitched. She looked exhausted now, and Maddie wondered if she crossed some line in their friendship that should never be crossed. But before she could say anything, Marcy continued. "I'm gonna be honest for a second. Is it okay to spill something dark? Are you okay with that?"

"We're all about dark things here."

Marcy giggled. She stared more into the pot, brewing the concoction to a creamy mush. They both remained like that for a while, until the mush coagulated into clots.

"I don't want to see the mistakes I made."

Maddie glanced at her. The jade pot glow held the outline of her face, accentuating the curve of her brow, the grimace on her lips.

“I don’t want to think it’s selfish, but I have to look at that scar in the mirror everyday,” she said. “It drives me nuts sometimes, can you believe it?” She chuckled. “I wake up everyday and think ‘wow, I cannot believe this happened, and that I trusted a jerk like him’.”

Marcy sprinkled something into the gunk.

“And sometimes, even when I’m trying to be mindful of my causes, then the scar’s association switches from guilt of betraying everyone I love to the guilt of being duped so easily. I can’t win. Pretty dang weird.”

For a moment, Maddie remained silent, not knowing what to say. She had never seen Marcy so downtrodden before. During the Battle of Newtopia, she had only seen a few glimpses of her face during the rescue, and when they returned to Wartwood, any appearance of Marcy grew lesser so due to the stress of oncoming war.

But now, Marcy was showing vulnerability, and it was the first time Maddie grew stunned to no response.

Before Maddie could say anything else, Marcy laughed. She lifted her spoon from the pot contents, and showed off the goop melded to its surface, shiny in the eery light. “Look at that! You know we’re almost finished when it smells like rotten oatmeal! We just need to let it ferment for a while and then the potion should be ready.”

“Hey, Marcy.”

Her assistant paused, a quizzical look on her feature. “Yeah?”

“You know I respect you.” Maddie held her scrutiny. “And the fact you’re very much into dark stuff as much as me.”

“Of course, who doesn’t love eldritch concepts?”

“A lot of people,” Maddie said. The words were stuck in her throat. After all, what was the correct way to say condolences? Either way, she went for it. Marcy needed the support. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that if this potion is really important to you, I’m going to make sure it works. No mess-ups. No unneeded side-effects. As long as it makes daily life easier for you, then I’ll take the chances. And even if it doesn’t work, perhaps there’s another way. Whatever happens, my book’s always open.”

Maddie recognized the beaming expression on Marcy’s face. It practically lit the entire forest. “Hey, has anyone told you that you’re the best teacher an assistant can ever have?”

Nope. But it was great to be told the first time.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #Marcy Wu #asks #Anonymous #Here you go anon #fanfic #Maddie Flour

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long-cosmos-overhead · 5 years ago

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May I request a headcanon? How would Thranduil and Legolas react if they learned their favourite human being evaded the healers and / or refused to have a minor wound patched up, because the mere thought of getting stitches or having to look at the injury freaks them out?

That’s such an interesting idea 💞

(I do not own LoTR or The Hobbit/ gif not mine)

Thranduil

Unfortunately for you it wasn’t a wound that wouldn’t be able to just clot up and heal by itself it wasn’t awful but it definitely needed some sort of medical attention otherwise the bleeding would just keep going

You were so scared at the thought of stitches or even looking at it to the point where you straight out refused to have any care taken at all instead you hoped going to your favourite elf would take your mind off it

Of course Thranduil noticed after a few minutes something was wrong he could practically see it in your eyes but when he decided to peruse his suspicions your secret was uncovered

Thranduil grasped your upper arm not only did you gasp in pain but he withdrew his hand to see it covered in blood as well as your clothes

He looked nothing short of panic and horror demanding you to tell him what happened and why you didn’t say anything, his face softened when you explained you’re scared of stitches and looking at it

Thranduil would automatically go into a protective mode you’re his favourite human and he will see you to the best medical care his elves can give, he himself will take you there and sit with you he’d even carry you if you wouldn’t budge

Once you’re there you can bet he’s not leaving he can sense your rising fear and doesn’t want you to be permanently scarred from the whole thing so he takes you in his arms and into a bear hug while sat down on one of the beds

Ever so slightly he’ll wrap his hand around your wrist and outstretch your arm so a healer can begin to dress it and as much as it pains him he’ll hold your arm there until it’s done

Thranduil does his absolute best in trying to take your mind off it you’re practically wrapped in his embrace so you don’t jolt around and make things take a turn for the worst but he makes you feel safe cling to him all you want he doesn’t mind, he whispers words of reassurance to you throughout and cuddles you with his remaining arm

He’ll be very proud of you once it’s over definitely lots of wine or a small celebration between the two of you, he’ll also redress your bandages if need be since he knows how to do that and he’s your favourite elf and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for his favourite human

Legolas

You got slashed in the lower leg during a fight it was nothing too bad but everyone could tell it needed medical attention and on top of that they could tell you were having a hard time functioning with an open wound

Nearly everyone in the company tried to coax you into getting it stitched up but you refused every single time so they all came to devise a plan courtesy of Legolas

He hated seeing you in pain he loved you so much you were his favourite human if not favourite person in middle earth you’d told him before you hated the idea of stitches and open wounds and would rather just let it heal itself but Legolas knew it wasn’t going to just go away and the risk of infection or blood loss was not something he wanted to risk

Legolas hated to play dirty but it had to be done, late one night he sat beside you and asked if he could braid your hair and you let him, gradually you began to feel tired and woozy from a little blood loss and found yourself resting in his lap

Legolas gave Aragorn a signal and ever so slightly gripped you in his arms he hated every minute of working against you but he wanted you safe and healthy

By the time Aragorn began stitching you up you were already trapped in Legolas’ arms and since elves are much stronger that’s where you stayed and in all honesty it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be you couldn’t feel that much and Legolas was warm so that was a bonus

By the time Aragorn was done you were buried in reassurance by Legolas and nested comfortably in his warmth feeling actually a whole lot better there wasn’t that much to be afraid of but you got over a fear that day

Everyone was proud of you especially Legolas but most of all they were relieved, they took camp and rest for a few days as a sort of celebration for you and the night after shared some small fears you never knew Gimli got afraid of a fish when he was younger

Legolas proposed he braid you hair for real this time and you joked that he was planning something every time he wanted to braid your hair it’s a sweet little thing and he gave you some nice elvish food he had

Legolas was very supportive of you and not to mention proud that his favourite human had overcome a fear, he developed a habit of saying “that’s my favourite human, she is brave and everybody else sucks” it always makes you laugh

#thranduil x reader #thranduil headcannon #legolas headcannons #legolas x reader #request #ask #lotr #the hobbit

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troped-fanfic-challenge · 4 years ago

Text

AUTHOR REVEAL of the JATP: ROUND 1: ANGST FICS!

The Tropes:

1. Character discovers they’re not human

2. Coffee Shop AU

3. Poorly Timed Confession

4. Character A catches Character B crying

————

the sky was gray and white and (cloudy) (Rated T) [Alex x Willie] by @screamin-amuseum

Summary: “I’ve got you,” Willie’s whispering over and over, panic creeping into his voice. “Alex, I’ve got you, okay? Come on, baby, come on, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re gonna be okay, I love you–”

Alex spits out what feels like a clot of blood and gives Willie a tired grin, probably looking completely insane.

“That’s pretty gay of you,” he says, just as his vision clouds over and he passes out.

Honey, You’re Familiar (Like My Mirror Years Ago) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by nik_knows_nothing

Summary: Luke works at a coffee shop, which is normal, quietly pines after his coworker, which is normal, and also occasionally steals people’s faces without really meaning to.

It’s probably that last part that moves him pretty solidly out of the “normal” territory.

But that’s fine, that’s totally cool.

He’s handling it super well.

You Can’t Value People Less Than a Good, Hot Cup of Bean Juice (It Just Seems Rude) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by nik_knows_nothing

Summary: Julie gets a job at a coffee stand in the middle of nowhere.

It’ll help to pass the time, if nothing else.

And if there’s a cute guy who works the shift after her and sometimes leaves her ridiculously endearing messages on an ancient tape recorder?

Well, that’s just a bonus.

honest to god I’ll break your heart, tear you to pieces and rip you apart (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by @tonightthestarsalign

Summary: Julie wakes up with a start. Her hair is stuck to her face with sweat and there is a loud crashing noise. The sheets beneath her feel rough against her skin. She shivers, when a breeze meets her naked skin. She must have left the window open when she went to bed last night. She opens her eyes. The room is dark around her, but the glow in the dark stars, she stuck on her ceiling when she was a kid, are shimmering brighter than ever before.

or: the siren!Julie AU no one asked for

new instincts (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie] by @comeonpeters

Summary: Reggie is fine with being the only human member of his band, Julie and the Phantoms (tell your friends!), just like he’s fine with being the only single member. It doesn’t make him feel lonely, and he’s only picking up more shifts at the coffee shop because he needs more money, not because he’s avoiding being alone. And picking up more shifts at the coffee shop is making the work easier! He’s only a little confused by the fact that he can now touch the espresso machine mid shift without burning himself… must be all of the experience.

you look like you’ve just seen a monster (is that what i look like to you?) (Rated T) [Bobby x Alex x Luke x Reggie] by @aroacethetic-shitpost

Summary: When Bobby woke up that Friday morning, he wasn’t expecting to have horns. Who would? There was absolutely no reason to expect horns to just start growing out of his temples, but there they were anyway.

He stared in silent shock at the little nubs in the mirror. They were only an inch or two big, but pointy and a little fuzzy when he poked at them.

Well, at least they weren’t fully grown yet.

(or: it’s angsty tiefling bobby time, folks!)

We Are Monsters, We Are Proud (Rated G) [Flynn x Carrie, Julie x Luke] by @americanhoney913

Summary: The clock is striking thirteen

It’s time to scream your team

We don’t have to say goodbye

‘Cause friends like these will never die

Carrie finds herself at a college like no other in search of her dad and some answers.

Julie’s not feeling good and maybe staring at roses wasn’t the best idea.

Monster College/Coffeeshop AU

sending forth their beautiful voice, and my heart was fain to listen (Rated G) [Julie x Carrie] by @savannahleemay

Summary: Months after the death of her mom, Julie prepares to sing again and makes an upsetting discovery.

rise from the ashes (Rated M) [Alex x Willie] by @willexxmercer

Summary: At a time when everything was going wrong for Alex, the one bright spot in his life was the charming barista at the coffee shop he frequented. At least, it was the bright spot until everything went up in flames. All he could do was hope that they could rise from the ashes and figure things out together.

Siren’s Song (Rated T) [Ray x Rose] by hufflebibin

Summary: The Scopuli was never meant to be a permanent arrangement. Rose had taken the job straight out of school just looking to make a little extra money before the tour kicked off.

That was four years ago.

After a string of bad luck befalls Rose and the Petal Pushers, she can’t help but wonder if she is the problem. Or is there something more sinister at play?

Yellow (Rated T) [Julie & Reggie] by @tmp-jatp

Summary: Reggie picked up his apron and polo. Julie returned, this time hiding behind Alex. He held a pair of metal pastry tongs out in front of him like a weapon. One of his arms was extended protectively in front of Julie.

“Alex, Julie, what are you doing?” Reggie cleared his throat; his voice was deep and gruff, like he was developing a cold.

Julie and Alex startled. Julie glanced down at her nametag. Alex readjusted his footing and his grip on the tongs.

“What’s going on, guys?”

Alex took a deep breath. “I don’t know who you are, dude, but you have got to leave.”

–

Reggie just wanted to get some new guitar strings. A shapeshifter!Reggie au

Angels Like You (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie] by @sunsetcurveofficial

Summary: Reggie is having a bit of a weird day. It gets worse when he figures out that it’s because he died in his sleep and has somehow been walking around as a ghost without realising it. Meeting Luke helps. Luke says he’s a fellow ghost, and there is something about him that Reggie just feels drawn to. Falling for him is the easiest thing Reggie has ever done, but Luke is a little more than he lets on, and it turns out that their story actually started long before Reggie thought it did.

look into my eyes (it’s where my demons hide) (Rated T) [Flynn x Carrie] by @fanfics-she-wrote

Summary: Hiding out from demons was never a desirable nightmare. Of course, Carrie would much prefer a run-for-my-life nightmare than actually running for her life. Having Flynn around is a very welcome soothing balm, though.

Bring All The Monsters Out To Play, Let All The Red Erase The Grey (Rated T) [Bobby & Reggie] by @kennysbirthday

Summary: Mythologicals, Reggie realised, were kind of like queer people. Sometimes your Token Human friend turns around one day and admits that actually, there was something they were suppressing all along, and they hadn’t realised.

–

Reggie’s final exam has been pushed forward at the most inconvenient time. Bobby is sick, Alex is missing, and now he needs to help a selkie get their ‘Happily-Ever-After’ in order to scrape a passing grade. Oh, and if his boss catches him handing out more free coffee, he’s gonna get fired.

————

All the Winners can be found here.

We hope you enjoy these fics from our fabulous Fantoms! Make sure to leave kudos and comments to show them some love! And don’t forget, if you missed the initial writing deadline you can still submit your fics to our Non-Anon Collection at any time! Thank you all so much for participating this round! Now that winners and authors have been revealed feel free to post about your fics, create artwork for it, if you like, and don’t forget to tag us!

We hope you all will join us for Round 2! The prompt drops at Midnight tonight!

#troped: jatp #round 1: angst #author reveal #jatp fanfiction

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