#but i usually just guess the amounts based on experience | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dear-ao3 · 10 months ago

Note

hey since yall are cologne experts (or one of u is idk) what cologne do you recommend to confuse ppl abt my gender

I need a scent that is feminine AND masculine all at once

aright so i am not a cologne expert whatsoever (not sure where you got that one from honestly) but i do happen to have a friend who works at a perfume store and when i asked her to weigh in her opinion on this she was absolutely delighted and wrote you all a novel on how to choose the right fragrance

(very fair warning, this is quite long)

Lessons in Fragrance (by Roza, Saph’s friend)

Buckle up buttercups because I’m about to learn you a thing or two about scent! I used to work at one of the largest “niche” perfumeries in the New England area so I’m like kinda qualified to give advice on fragrance I guess lol

1.scents will smell different on skin than on tester papers due to the fragrance interacting with your body chemistry so something you like on paper you might not like on your skin and vice versa! It’s always important to test on your skin before you buy, most websites that sell fragrance will sell a sample size for a few bucks or even a sample set for $20-$60 depending on how many samples and how high end the brand is!

2. At the end of the day fragrance (how many times will I say this word probably at least 50) is gender neutral. Cologne versus perfume (or aux de parfum) just denotes how strong the scent will be and how long it will last. The order of weakest to strongest is: aux de toilette, room sprays, linen sprays Essential oil fragrances Cologne Perfume, aux de parfum

3. there are many types of fragrances some examples of overarching categories are: gourmand: smells like food in some way Fougére: “traditionally masculine” Floral: predominantly flower notes Green: outdoorsy but more grassy and earth based Woodsy: outdoorsy but more tree and wood based Aquatic: notes that create scents reminiscent of bodies of water, ambergris is a common note Oriental: earthy, musky, and warmer notes usually having some sort of amber note Spicy: having heavy spice notes wheather it be peppery or your traditional baking spices These are just some of the most common categories of fragrance.

4. additional to categories, fragrance is further broken down into different sizes and different note tiers with each having its own wear time: you have your top notes, heart notes, and base notes. True to name top notes are the notes of scent you first smell. As the fragrance starts to settle the heart notes will become more prominent as the top notes fade. The base notes have the most longevity and will usually be the hints that you can smell even several hours later.

Sizes: tester sizes tend to be 2-5mL of product. The 4 most common denominations that fragrance come in are a 10-15mL (travel size), 30-35mL (smaller side but still decent amount), 50-60mL (pretty standard size and good amount), 100mL (“full size” and will last a hot sec) Based on personal experience: I’ve had a 30mL fragrance that I wear daily last for about 2 months, I have an 88mL that I wear about once a week that has lasted a year and a half (with 3/4 of a bottle still left), I have 10mL travel sizes that last about 2-3 weeks with daily wear, I have a 50mL that I wear weekly and on occasion use as a room spray too that’s lasted about a year (still have 1/4 bottle left). When talking about wearing the fragrance is talking about one spray per wrist, then tapping them together (NOT rubbing) to help distribute the scent. Sometimes I add an additional spray on my neck. There is never a reason to spray fragrance on your full body b/c it can then become to overwhelming and you’ll be a walking hazard to society (think a 12 yo boy with axe body spray). On occasion if you know it will be a sexy night a spray of fragrance on the ankle can go a long way especially if your legs will be hooked around someone’s head.

5. now without further ado below are Roza’s recs for gender confusing fragrances. I will include the name of the fragrence and line/company, some of the notes, and price point! disclaimer: I am only really familiar with niche fragrances not mainstream or “drugstore”, “department store”, “your typical designer” fragrances

The Recommendations:

My recs: I can’t grantee the spelling on all of these but c’est la vive, the listings are as follows: name of fragrance, line (if applicable), company, maybe a fun fact about the company or scent, description of notes and/or story of how to describe the scent, price point with size of bottle

supernatural #6: by Caswell Massey the oldest American perfume company, was a fragrance worn by George Washington, it is a very clean herbaceous scent (yk to cover up the stench of the unbathed in colonial times since the scent was created in 1772), it has main notes of bergamot (that earl grey tea kind of floral scent) rosemary, neroli, rose, clove and amber, very musky, $40 for a 7.5mL travel size or $225 for a 100mL, also comes in soap form.

LX48: also Caswell Massey, smells like leather chairs and pipe tobacco with hints of florals reminiscent of an old school gentleman’s club, notes of violet, geranium, oakmoss (one of my fav notes across the board), tobacco, cedar wood, and vintage leather, same price points for 7.5mL and 100mL as Supernatural #6, comes in soap form as well.

Beaver: Beaver-Bee are all from the same Canadian line called zoologist which conceptualize their fragrances after the stunning cover art to encapsulate what each animal would wear as a fragrance taking inspiration from their habitats, smells like moist earth and a light breeze carrying greens and florals. Notes of outdoor air, linden blossom, wood shavings, wild vegetation, damp air, dry wood, water, light musk, heavy musk, dark woods, vanilla, amber, castoreum, and leather, pricing the same for Beaver, Snowy Owl, Sloth, and Squid tester for $8, 10mL for $48, and 60mL for $175

Snowy Owl: zoologist, smells like the transition from winter to spring as the snow melts and mud season begins as light florals start to fight their way to the surface, notes of snow accord, lily of the valley, mint, coconut, Turkish rose, frankincense, galbanum, ambrette, cedar, tonka, vanilla, oakmoss, civet, and musk

Squid: zoologist, smells like an inky Black Sea thrashing about in a storm until you reach the calm black depths, notes of pink peppercorn, solar salicylate, incense, black ink accord, opoponax, ambergris, and benzoin musk

Sloth: zoologist, smells like a Victorian apothecary with wooden shelves a plenty mayhaps even thatched awnings overhanging the front windows ripe with scents of various herbs, florals, tinctures, potions and oils a delicate and peculiar balance, notes of chamomile, açaí berry, lavender, violet leaf, marigold (also known as calendula), beeswax, anise, jatamansi, jasmine, cumin, hay, frankincense, myrrh, mushroom, oakmoss, vanilla, tonka

Bee: zoologist, fragrant blossoms that play beautifully with fruity undertones to create a rich and mead like scent, notes of orange, ginger syrup, royal jelly accord, broom, heliotrope, mimosa, orange flower, benzoin, labdanum, musks, sandalwood, tonka, vanilla, sample $8, 10mL travel size $59, 60mL $210

Blackbird: Olympic Orchids, this is my personal favorite scent to the point that I consider it my signature, to me it smells like an ancient forest witch coming out to dance amongst the moonlight a pungent earthy smell full of ripe blackberries, damp cedar and oakmoss to complete the alluring scent, notes of blackberry, dry grass, dry leaves, elemi, cedar wood, resin, woody amber according to, for balsam absolute, and musk, pricing is the same for blackbird the California chocolate and woodcut, sample $3, 5mL $18, 15mL $35, 30mL $65, 100mL $120

California chocolate: Olympic orchids, a fruity chocolate fragrance to encapsulate California, notes of wild orange, grapefruit, yuzu, white cognac, neroli, dark chocolate, patchouli, gourmand musk, bourbon vanilla

Woodcut: Olympic orchids, smells like walking into a scene shop with fresh cut wood or even a cedar closet, notes of fractional distillation of pine and cedar, oak wood, roll balsam, olibanum, caramel, burnt sugar, vanilla

902: bon perfumer, a French company that makes 3 note fragrances perfect for layering with each other a scent you already own or just a subtle fragrance that can stand alone, this one is described as what the peaky blinders would’ve worn, notes of white tobacco, cinnamon and brandy (armagnac), 30mL $60, 100mL $120, 100mL + 15mL set $140

Noir tropical, Maria candida Gentile, smells like an expensive drink at a beachside resort in Italy, notes of bergamot, almond accord, heliotrope, vanilla accord, bourbon, and rum, 7mL 20€ ($21.56), 15mL 37€ ($39.88), and 100mL 155€ ($167.08), also comes in liquid and bar soap form, and a set with the 15mL the candle and the soap

Finisterre, Maria candida gentile, it smells like a breeze on the ocean filled with ambient damp sand and slight citrusy notes caught on the wind from fellow beach goers snacking on fresh fruit, notes of marine accord, wet wood, helichrysum, pine, grey amber, sandalwood, same prices as noir tropical

Plum in cognac, scents of wood, the bottles (for the full size) look like anatomically correct hearts and the colors are customizable when you order, this smells sensual and proactive with its sweet and smoky depth with a realm of familiarity to bring comfort, notes of caramel, tobacco, cinnamon, nutmeg, juicy plum, vanilla, vetiver, aged in a cognac barrel (made with sugar cane alcohol so it absorbs some of the scent notes of the wooden barrel it’s aged in), 10mL $55, 75mL $240

Bulletproof, Margot Elena, TokyoMilk dark line, this reminds me of what a pirate could smell like, notes of smoked tea, coconut milk, crush cedar, and ebony woods, 45mL $52 one size only

Eclipse, Margot Elena, TokyoMilk dark line, smells like a unique mix of spices and florals as mysterious and ever changing as the solar and lunar cycles, notes if black anise, mint leaf, smoked amber, and gardenia, 45mL $52 one size only

Nocturnal, Margot Elena, TokyoMilk dark line, smells like a walk through the woods on a crisp early spring evening, notes of cypress, dark patchouli, vetiver, and night musk, 45mL $52 only one size

Wild whims, Margot Elena, TokyoMilk, smells like wanderlust and wild abandon frolicking through fields in the summer sun, bites of sweet grass, clary sage, verdant (very green smelling) florals, and citron, 30mL $48 one size only, this one layers especially well with green spell!! Most of TokyoMilk can be blended with other fragrances b/c they’re are 4 note fragrances similar to bon perfumer in that sense

Green spell, Eris Parfums, an alluring garden full of specimens for all over the world cultivated with care and just a touch of magic and whimsy, notes of Italian mandarin, French black currant bud absolute, Iranian galbanum, Egyptian violet leaf absolute, French narcissus absolute, tomato leaf accord, fig leaf accord, Haitian vetiver, Ambroxan, and musk, 50mL $165 one size only

Spezie De’ Medici, i profumi di firenze, spezierie palazzo vecchio, this is a very old fragrance line dating back to Italy even before the famed Catherine Di Medici there are whispers that she even wore a few of these fragrances, smells like a warm hug from loved ones in your life as you all bake spice cookies for the holidays, notes of orange, lemon, cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, ginger, pink pepper, black pepper, 50mL 46€ ($49.59)

L’uomo di pitti, i profumi di firenze, spezierie palazzo vecchio, an outdoor market in Florence Italy filled with the latest fashions from visitors and importers all of the world with deeply aquatic and herbaceous hints, notes of pink pepper, iris, amber furan, ambergris, labdanum, sage, and rhubarb, 50mL 48€ ($51.74)

Bulls blood, imaginary authors, they create stories of fragrance from books that don’t exist each package (full size) is made to look like said book that doesn’t exist, smells like the perfect balance of brutality and elegance a scent for the lovers and brawlers deeply bold, animalic, and sensuous, notes of geranium, Spanish rose, patchouli, black musk, tobacco, sandalwood, and bull’s blood, sample $6, 14mL travel $42, 50mL $105

Every storm a serenade, imaginary authors, smells like the eye of the storm a day full of moody and choppy waters finally sailing into a brief moment of stillness to absorb the environment, notes of danish spruce, eucalyptus, vetiver, calone, ambergris, and Baltic Sea mist, same pricing as bull’s blood

Musc, Molinard, a French perfume company founded in 1849 with many fragrances full of notes that end up encapsulating one feeling, note, or moment, smells warm, woody, amber heavy musk, notes of muscade nois, bergamot, juniper berries, incense, patchouli, teak wood, musk, amber, and labdanum, 7.5mL 11.67€ ($12.58), 75mL 57.50€ ($61.98)

The Original, Eight & Bob, this fragrance was worn by a young JFK who discovered it through a young man and his family he met while on vacation in the French Riviera, a very classic clean fragrance that can lean on the side of aftershave-esque, notes of cardamom, lemon, pink peppercorn, dried woods, violet leaves, labdanum, evergreen wood, amber, sandalwood, and vetiver, 30mL 80€ ($86.24), 50mL 120€ ($129.36), 100mL 190€ ($204.81), 150mL 210€ ($226.37)

Winter nights, Dasein, comes in a line that is meant to smell like the different stages of winter there is also one for greens and the daytime, smells like a fire pit with friends in late January as the snow has started to pile up but on a blissful day where it is warm enough to go outside a gathering occurs with the rich smell of pine all around, notes of coastal forest, driftwood bonfire, cardamom tea, lavender flowers, wild musk, and woodsmoke, 50mL $125

Almost single, Confessions of a rebel, this is a collection known for making provocative and sexy fragrances with cheeky names, a hazy spicy scent tempered by woody florals, notes of black pepper, cardamom, iris, rosemary, and sandalwood, 8mL $28, 100mL $125 Ray-flection, masque Milano, opera line, an avant garde what would a flower from an alien planet smell like, notes of mandarin essence, sparkling aldehydes, cardamom pure jungle essence, mimosa absolute France, violette leaves absolute, solar rays accord, beeswax absolute, cedar wood essence, and musk accord, tester 6€ ($6.47), 10mL 46€ ($49.59), 35mL 133€ ($143.37)

White whale, masque Milano, opera line, a nod to the novel Moby Dick an adventure for any sea fairer, notes of candles, olibanum, salty rope accordion, black pepper Madagascar, ambergris accord, osmanthus china, violet flower, orris concrete Italy, cedar wood Virginia, patchouli Indonesia, vetiver Haiti, cistus laudanum, tester 7€ ($7.55), 10mL 49€ ($52.82), 35mL 151€ ($162.77)

Lost Alice, masque Milano, opera line, the tales of Alice in wonderland captured via scent in different stages of tea with the mad hatter, notes of bergamot, ambrette seed, clary sage, “Too Much Black Pepper”, carrot heart, Oreos concrete, English tea, white roses (painted red), sandalwood India, broom absolute Italy, and Fleur de lait (steamed milk accord), same pricing as ray-flection although lost alive does have a 100mL option too for 379€ ($408.55)

Pale fire, apoteker tepe, smells like a rich and slightly drunken hot cocoa after coming in from taking the leaves on a blustery fall day, notes of amber, olibanum, palmers, whiskey, and cocoa, sample $8, 6mL $20, 35mL $130, 105mL $280

The holy mountain, apoteker tepe, this is what I imagine the misty mountains to smell like to the point of almost being able to hear singing around a hearth in the background, notes of pine smoke, incense, balsam fir, labdanum, and guaiacwood, same pricing as Pale Fire

After the flood, apoteker tepe, true to the name it smells like the damp earth that’s still waterlogged after immense amounts of rain, notes of violet leaf, water lily, mushroom, patchouli, and wet earth, same pricing as the other two apoteker tepe

Le castiglione, jovoy Paris, from Les cocottes de Paris, another one of my personal favorites that I wear quite often, has been described as smelling like Dracula’s mistress based on a rumor started in the early to mid 19th century surrounding a model who (was described as the world’s vainest woman) once she “got old” (all of 40) she would only leave her house at night and donning all black and the rumors flew leaving behind only whispers and whiffs of this scent as she would walk by, a fragrance that is both earthy and citrusy, with an almost apothecary feel to it that keeps you sniffing the sample trying to figure out what it reminds you of, notes of mugwort, citron, juniper, licorice, patchouli, grey amber, myrrh, and styrax, sample $3, 50mL 75€ ($80.85)

After hours, antica farmacista, smells like sipping on a berry filled night cap paired with a fresh crème brûlée to enjoy in your favorite leather chair by fireside in an old family library, notes if blackberry, cocoa, tobacco, davana, black rose, single malt bourbon, cognac, oud, leather, crème brûlée vanilla, and amber, 10mL travel $22, 50mL $86

Late harvest, fort manle, the packing is really cool and the scents come in bottle that look like vintage ink bottle topped with an ornate golden cap that would work as a wax seal in a pinch, smells how I imagine an older bilbo baggins to smell like while relaxing in the shire smoking his pipe, notes of cherry pipe tobacco, vanilla, cedar wood, rosewood, leather, and rose, sample $10, 50mL $250, it’s pricy but the wear time is insane (I’ve tested it before and had it still smell fairly strong the next day even after showering)

Bojnokopff, fort manle, the story behind this is the famed Russian magician Bojnokopff (idk if he’s actually real tho lol) performing in 1897 St. Petersburg the closing act of his final show before retirement and to amaze the masses he disappears into a cloud of purple haze leaving behind only whiffs of lavender, oud, and chocolate this is a very dark and punchy scent (I find that people either love it or hate it with no inbetween), notes of French lavender, vanilla, dark chocolate, oud, and cedar wood, sample $10, 50mL $250 there is also a discovery set of the entire fort manle line that is $70 for a sample size of 7/8 of their fragrances

Uomo, carthusia, smells like the hot Italian partner you can’t take home to your family who rides a motorcycle while wearing a tank top with a leather jacket while smoking, notes of lemon, bergamot, freesia, green leaves, lily of the valley, jasmine, geranium, cedar wood, patchouli, sandal, palmers, amber, white musk, 50mL 70€ ($75.46), 100mL 90€ ($97.02)

Terra Mia, carthusia, smells like a coffee shop right before open there are notes of citrus roasted nuts and coffee in the air along with the smell of light florals that grace each seating area, notes of bergamot, neroli, pink peppercorn, rose, jasmine, orange blossom, Arabic coffee, hazelnut cream, amber woods, vanilla, ambroxan, and white musk, same pricing as uomo

Mediterrano, carthusia, a bright and sunny fragrance with notes of green tea, notes of wild mint, lemon, eucalyptus, litsea cubeba, red thyme, bergamot, jasmine, cardamom, flowers of the fields, tangerine, green tea, and white musk, same pricing as terra Mia and uomo

Broken Theories, Kerosene, the packaging is cool seeing as it is a nod to the city the fragrance is created in (Detroit) each bottle is painted in motorcycle paint and the metal label is hand stamped, it smells like a fire pit while drinking a spiced mimosa, notes of blood orange, tobacco, spices, vanilla, sandalwood, our, and incense, it’s a heavy but not overwhelming scent that covers you like a blanket and can last several hours without needing to reapply, 100mL $152

Meltdown, elder & willow, these last two are roll on essential oil fragrances that are very budget friendly, this one is meant to calm anxiety and help with grounding, bites of lavender, lemon, ylang ylang, bergamot, rose geranium, vetiver, Roman chamomile, benzoin essential oils, and scent is all in a coconut oil as the carrier, $12 per 10mL roll on

Sweet dreams, elder & willow, meant to promote sleep, notes if lavender, vetiver, Roman chamomile, cedar wood, benzoin essential oils, scent is in coconut oil as the carrier, $12 per 10mL roll on, I love elder and willow they also have teas, bath soaks, and skincare products

And thus concludes fragrance lessons/recs with Roza! I hope this was more informative and less of a fever dream than perfume ads on screen that don’t actually tell you anything about the fucking fragrance and just go off of vibes and celebrity presence!!

#not a tag #from saph #perfume #fragrance #fragrance recs

330 notes · View notes

gynandromorph · 7 months ago

Text

god this shit took forever to sketch. another NofNA emulation comic. it reminds me of the midterms in secretary, for obvious reasons, but Legend is sort of an inverse secretary situation, where she is exceptional at fighting, but wants to write.

let me see what i can remember...

PS, the blue-eyed black lemur, has been friends with Legend since their mutual first season at college, as mentioned above her reference sketch... they probably became more friendly after being paired up to peer edit each others' work. PS has since graduated from college and works as a markscraft. Legend frequently commissions PS to scribe for her, not only because they are friends, but because PS is one of the few markscrafts in the area who isn't a rodent. many primates go into law or medicine. mainly Legend commissions notetaking in classes -- she is too insecure to share her stories. PS has a more relaxed, informal personality, and i tried to get that across -- i think it's relevant to why she decided to become a markscraft instead of pursuing more intense study. still, i also tried to get across that they are good friends, not just scribe and customer, particularly with the amount of touching that PS does. the impulse to touch and groom is probably innate for her as a primate. there isn't as much information about her species, but in ring-tailed lemurs, lemurs usually only groom based on the strongest bonds, rather than more communal aggregate grooming as a sort of social currency. i honestly don't know what PS would need to note during finals, but i think Legend just Wanted her there anyway.

the bird, DL, fighting the squirrel, GG, is a grey shrike. i imagine him as an average student in the middle of his education, but i think he is in the class for combat purposes, because pressure point manipulation can be incredibly powerful, more so if from a less expected species like a bird.

mr. deciding is a much more serious, no-nonsense teacher, possibly due to his specialty. when you're teaching students how to explode a kidney with a handshake, you probably just play it safe and try to put the fear of god into them before any kidneys get exploded. i wanted this class to have a much heavier emphasis on safety of the participants than the class in secretary, with a more focused goal than "who can beat the shit out of each other better." i think the goal of fighting to show off knowledge here is still Fucking Insane, but it's just. their culture, i guess. you can technically "move" your pressure points, so being able to defend yourself by utilizing this knowledge can also show off what you've retained. the mouse next to him is a proctor, who is an extra teacher brought in to judge and often write for another teacher, but primarily as a peacekeeper and bouncer. in classes where a student can theoretically totally disable a teacher by just touching them once, the precaution is seen as necessary. the mouse is probably a combat-oriented point invocation instructor.

the mandrill, MK, is a first-season or first-year student -- i assume that one class, from midterms to finals, is a season, as secretary seems to start near autumn. midterms have snow, and finals are during early spring. anyway, that's tangential. i think he's very new to the educational system. i pictured him as a medical student. in his fighting style, i made him more defensive; he doesn't really know nearly as much about attacking an opponent in a fight. he does think at least about his opponent's most immediate reactions, but doesn't have enough experience with fighting to think ahead to the degree that Legend does. you can see him make the same mistake that Legend did against Machinations, which disables his non-dominant hand. needless to say, he will probably always be aware of headbutt proximity now. he attempts to use two factures in the fight within a style meant to evoke debilitating vertigo by manipulating the connection between the occular, vestibular, and proprioceptive systems. it's obvious that he created the style from his medical classes. it is fairly empty as far as styles go. interrupted facture: nystagmus, which causes the world to spin around the opponent by involuntarily twitching the eyes back and forth. second facture: strabismus, which misaligns the pupils, primarily impeding aim. denied by Legend because a honey badger does not rely on vision or a vestibular system as much as a primate does -- not something he really considered when making the style. factures that never ended up being used: pursuit, which forces the target to follow a spinning image of themselves instead of looking where they should; and mask's lasting, which forcibly initiates saccadic masking, suppressing the intake of new visual information altogether.

the large bird is a bateleur. the mouse is just a regular house mouse. the lizard is an ornate sandveld lizard. the opponent of the lizard is a common mole-rat, also called an african mole-rat (even though most species of mole-rats live in africa). the monkey god i'm not super sure but i believe it's just a vervet monkey. the other mouse is also a common house mouse.

GG is a second-year student, which is the last year for a rodent. i think she's been kind of aimless -- she thinks incredibly fast as a squirrel, and finds solving problems in the moment to be a much more successful endeavor than trying to plan ahead. she doesn't worry about the future and doesn't ruminate on the past much. she's aware that she isn't the best ever and doesn't apply herself as much as others, but it also doesn't particularly bother her. kind of ironic, given the aesop she slops onto Legend after the fight. i imagine that she will eventually choose the name Serendipity. i tried to write her lack of foresight, but compensatory quick thinking in both fights. like the shrike, GG is a combat-oriented student. the style she briefly introduces at the beginning is called fanciful flower's delightful blight. it is based on the deadly nightshade flower and its berries -- which are toxic, obviously, and a hallucinogenic. squirrels flick their tails for many reasons, and the most common reason is simply a default flicking to attract predators. their tails are designed to "deglove" easily; if a predator lunges for their tail, which is the moving part of them, the skin and fur will tear off, and the squirrel can escape. delightful blight utilizes the attention-grabbing flicking of the squirrel's tail as a nightshade plant to induce a trance-like state. the berries represent temptations so much more pleasing than what you ought to focus on. a nice berry and a flower to smell are so much nicer than struggling in a fight. even when you resist them, they linger in your mind, and "plant seeds" when the berry falls as self-restraint is worn down over repeated abstinence from the temptation. factures induce hallucinations and nausea. she primarily uses the base rodent style to fight Legend here, but also uses base squirrel style twists, which include more acrobatics, backflipping, and contortions.

the two things that really catch Legend off-guard use limbs that she doesn't have, and most opponents don't have -- elbows long enough to use defensively, and a long, rope-like tail. she is otherwise supposed to be fairly adept at analyzing what an opponent will do, usually a few steps ahead, related to her ability to fabricate narratives quickly. you can see her also come up with a lie for kicking GG fairly quickly... she was going to say the impulse was in her legs because she was trying to move away from GG's strike.

anyway if any part of this fight is like... unfathomable i can probably explain. i've already been typing for way too long, lmfao

#nofna shitposting #partaking in the act #basically legend left her chest open because she expected GG to attempt to block #instead of considering that GG could take an offensive action instead

165 notes · View notes

generalllimaginesss · 10 months ago

Text

Here’s a little piece based on Megan Moroney’s song Reasons to Stay.

Warnings: angsty bf! Jack, toxic relationship (you can usually tell if I’m depressed or not based on what I post lmao), but like this is really really toxic so don’t read if that’s a trigger for you. I think I made myself go crazy while rereading it.

Reasons to Stay

I asked Jesus for a sign

And today I haven’t cried

It’s only 2 p.m. but that beats yesterday

So I guess that’s a reason to stay

The status of having an NHL boyfriend was alluring to a lot of girls. The fame was something that always felt new, thousands of people, strangers, screaming the name that you hold near and dear to your heart. The money eased the fear of bills and gave a freedom the average person would never experience in their lifetime. The influence that you hold as a WAG always playing in the back of your mind anytime your finger hovered over a button to post a picture, wondering if the caption was classy enough to hold your status.

The truth is that looks can be deceiving. The girls that threw themselves at Jack made for a constant state of insecurities to pool in your brain, sloshing around anytime Jack was home late or turned his location off. The money bought things that made you smile, a Louis Vuitton here, a Mercedes there, but the feeling of being in debt to the man that let hate spew from his mouth anytime you accidentally stepped out of line pulled at your being, anxiety grasping at the freedom, one not capable of being present without the other.

Was it really freedom?

Was it the price of freedom?

Maybe.

Maybe the price was the amount of tears that flowed when he rejected an outfit for you to wear.

“You’re not leaving in that. I don’t date sluts and that makes you look like one,” his reasoning rang, slicing through your ears and bouncing around anytime you bought clothes.

Today was a good day, though.

He had kissed you goodbye, asking if you would be making dinner tonight.

He’d be home tonight, you thought, willing yourself to think positive and fighting against the urge to dwell on the fact that he had come home with a hickey the night prior. He insisted it was a hickey, but you weren’t too sure about that.

But he’s yours tonight, that’s all that matters. That keeps you going; the possibility that tomorrow he will be yours is your driving thought. So you went about your day as if the life you were living were a dream and that you were living the life as the girlfriend of a famous hockey player who made millions.

Maybe it’s normal to have to be small. Maybe you just have to compensate for the huge platform that he had. He had earned it after all.

Seriously, what did you do other than keep the house tidy and go to his games? That’s normal….right?

You just had to tell yourself that it would be ok. It would be harder and messier to leave than try to push through.

And when you’re drunk at 3 a.m.

You don’t call your ex-girlfriend

It’s been a couple months since you

Brought up her name.

So I guess that’s a reason to stay.

The guys had gone out after a win, guys only. No girlfriends or wives. That’s what Jack said, at least. They were celebrating the guys achievements, some records broken, and it was just for them.

That was fine with you. He had an amazing game: his second hatty of his career. He needed a night to let off some steam and just be a boy.

The picture of him and Nico with Jack’s ex looming in the background was just a coincidence, yeah? Jack said she was a puck bunny, so she’s probably just going from guy to guy.

As soon as he walked through the door, the smell of bourbon wafted through the air, attaching itself to every air molecule in the apartment and meeting you like a familiar friend. This wasn’t the first time he had come home in this state. It wasn’t even the 5th or 6th.

“You’re up,” Jack’s words were slower than normal, the effort to produce the words coherently proving to be more tasking than normal. He took in the view of you curled up in an Ugg blanket on the plush cushions of the couch, noticing the lines that the tears had been drawing for the past hour. He took note, but not responsibility. He told you where he was and what he was doing, no harm no foul.

“Just couldn’t go to sleep,” Your voice was weakened, something you despised about yourself. You used to view yourself as strong and independent. Sticking up for what was right was was something you took pride in, but being in a relationship with Jack had slowly chipped away at that, so nonchalantly that you were the skeleton of who you once were before you could do anything about it.

Jack’s balance teetered from the left to the right, making a ship at sea during a storm look like a walk through the park. He stumbled as he tried to take his shoes off, a cue that you learned meant you needed to help him.

He did so much for you, so would it really be awful to just help him out?

As you slipped one AirForce off, you took notice of the bruises that feathered his legs, probably from the intense game tonight.

You could feel courage bubble, coming to a boil before you made your next statement, “I noticed your ex in a picture that Nico posted…what’s that about?”

“Baby,” He slurred, attempting to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear but pulling it instead, kissing your forehead after you winced at the tension. “You’re the only one that matters,” And with that he sucked you right back into his intoxicating blue eyes. They held a secret confession of his love for you. One that only you could see and he could feel.

But you don’t try like you used to

You don’t look at me the same

You used to say you’re sorry, now

Whiskey’s what you blame

How much can a heart take

‘Til it’s really your last chance

I’m a giver, but I’ve given all I can

We both know that I ain’t one to walk away

But I’m runnin’ out of reasons to stay

Things hadn’t always been like this.

Jack hadn’t always been like this.

He used to surprise you at work with two dozen roses, or wrote sweet love notes on sticky notes and stuck them to your vanity. He used to put in effort.

He used to want you.

What were you thinking, of course he still wanted you. He wouldn’t be in a relationship with you for the whole world to see if he didn’t want you, right?

He hadn’t bought flowers in a long time, though, and the sticky notes had slowly made their way to a drawer for safekeeping, none there to replace them. The vanity was bare, loneliness radiating from it every time you passed it, the feeling resonating in your soul.

It was as lonely as you.

Jack had come home drunk again last night, the smell of the liquor laced the words he shot at you with a poison that made them burn when they hit you. Everything that came out of his mouth felt like lashes against your skin.

“You’re so fucking boring, Y/N! You think you’re so perfect and you’re not! You think you’re better than everybody around you, but you’re not! You’re a fucking bitch, you cunt!”

He went on like that for at least an hour, going on and on about how he deserved better, how he could have anybody he wanted but settled for you.

It hurt even worse because it was so untrue. You battled with yourself for years because you compared yourself to those around you constantly. Jack knew this. He had been there for your breakdowns when your family had made you feel like a disappointment, or when you never thought you would be as pretty or talented as the other girls in the hockey scene.

Did he just forget this?

How were you going to smooth this over with him?

It felt like all you did was make excuses for him just to be able to live with him.

Why?

How did he completely change you? Wreck you? He had gutted out who you once were and left the bare beams that held you up. He had conditioned you to allow him chance after chance, no matter how bad he had fucked up.

And you just let him.

As the sun played a game of peekaboo through the curtains, you had made up your mind that you couldn’t justify the way he was treating you anymore. It was wrong.

The smell of bacon and eggs lured you into the kitchen to see him shirtless, standing over the stove as he busied himself with making breakfast. His back muscles flexed as he maneuvered about the stove. He looked perfect, as if he hadn’t verbally assaulted you and your character last night.

Before you could say anything, he had sensed that he was being watched, catching a glimpse of you as he turned his head slightly to the left.

“Morning. Didn’t wake you up, did I?” His voice was raspy, probably from partying for most of the night, but it sounded like he cared. It was refreshing.

“N-no. Um, I just felt like I should get up,” Reassuring him felt like an attempt to just keep the peace. Don’t say anything to set him off, don’t be combative. He’s cooking breakfast for you, so everything’s ok.

“Good. Hey, about last night…I’ll be honest I don’t remember what I said, but if it was bad it was just from me drinking too much. The boys may have gotten me to drink more than I normally do…” he trailed off as he plated the breakfast he had made for you, placing it on a placemat at the bar and pouring a cup of coffee for you, 3 creams and 2 sugars.

He remembered.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” You walked to the bar taking a seat.

The morning consisted of the two of you genuinely enjoying the presence of the other, catching up on what’s going on in each other’s lives and promising to not let it get this way anymore.

Before Jack left for practice, he had placed a kiss to your lips ever so gently, “I love you,” he whispered, his voice soft and sweet.

How was this the same Jack from last night?

You were sure that you had to be going crazy.

If I go find somebody new

I’d lose your mom and sister too

You know me and how much I hate change

So I guess that’s a reason to stay

And I ain’t perfect either, we all make mistakes

But that don’t change

The Michigan sunset was absolutely breathtaking. The orange and purple hues painting a picture so perfect that it could never be replicated on a canvas. The distant sounds of the guys on the lake could be heard in the distance, the chill of the wind carrying the hoots and hollers from the water to you and Ellen, sitting on the deck attached to the back of the house.

The smell of the deck and the sound of the hundreds of frogs from the water felt like a dream, one that you never wanted to wake up from.

��Jack would probably kill me if he heard me say this, but I really hope you two get married soon. I’d love to have you as my daughter, you know? These boys are a lot sometimes…” Ellen chuckled as she nodded to the boys in the distance.

The comment caught you off guard, a response in favor felt forced, but how were you supposed to tell her that her son was making your life a living hell?

“You’d have to take that up with him,” You smiled at her, not revealing the relationship that was slowly eating away at you.

“I promised to never pressure them to do something that they weren’t ready for, so I’ll let him choose the right time. I just know we all love you. Anytime the other two call home they always ask how you’re doing. I know they talk to Jack about you, too. We didn’t think he’d ever be ready to settle down with a girlfriend, much less one as amazing as you,” She went on, pulling her jacket tighter around her as the absence of the sun left goosebumps on her skin.

“It’s getting cold out here, let’s head inside and you can help me make dinner. I believe we have some wine if you’d like some,” She stood up and headed to the kitchen, waiting for you to follow suite, you smiled.

It was almost a sad smile, grateful that even though Jack wasn’t the man he should’ve been for you, his family loved you. They made you feel safe and loved. They were a safe haven from the toxic tendencies that Jack had taken up when the two of you were in New Jersey.

“I’d love that, Ellen.”

The sound of bare feet padding rapidly against the blades of grass that ran from the dock to the deck made you and Ellen turn your heads towards the window, watching on as Quinn, Luke, and Jack were racing towards the house.

Luke won, his long legs giving him an unfair advantage against his shorter counterparts. Quinn came in second as Jack has tripped over himself.

“What’s for dinner?” Luke panted, reaching for a water bottle out of the fridge and attempting to sit on the couch.

“You’ll find out after you change out of your wet swim trunks,” Ellen gave him a stern look, him raising his arms in defense as he left to go to his room for dry clothes.

You felt an arm snake around your waist, the smell of lake water and sunscreen following behind it. At first you jumped, worried that you had done something wrong.

He chuckled at the sudden movement, not realizing that he was the problem.

“Jumpy, are we?”

You smiled, trying to not cause an issue with him.

“Sorry. Wasn’t expecting you to be so cold,” You felt nasty as you lied through your teeth.

After a few minutes, he finally decided to retreat to the shower to wash the day off of him. You took in your surroundings while he was away.

Quinn and Luke played the Xbox while Ellen prepared the vegetables for dinner and Jim smoked the meat outside. You had been loving this family for years now. You and Ellen had become so close, easily somebody you loved as if she were your own mother.

Jack wouldn’t be the only person that you would have to let go of if you were to leave. As much as you loved his family, it was only natural for them to take his side, something that you understood and admired. You could only wish somebody would take up for you no matter what, and he had 4 people willing to do that for him.

You couldn’t imagine the thought of having to start over with somebody new, having to meet their parents for the first time and being disappointed that they weren’t Ellen and Jim. Being disappointed that their siblings wouldn’t pay the extra money when they accidentally forgot to keep your Snapchat streak going since it was almost 4 years long. Quinn and Luke texted you almost as often as they texted Jack. You were like their sister.

The thought of starting over was enough to have tears stinging at the corner of your eyes. Whatever Jack had done, you couldn’t expect him to be perfect. He’s human, after all. You’d stay if it meant you could keep the Hughes in your life.

I'm runnin' out of patience

Damn, I hate to say it

I'm runnin' out of patience and grace and at the end of the day

Findin' last resort reasons we're okay

Ain't a good reason to stay

“Jack you have purple bruises all on your fucking neck! How stupid do you think I am?!” You barked at him as he sat on the couch facing you.

“Stupid enough to think this is the first time this has happened,” His smug smirk and body language made you want to hurt him. You wanted to hurt him as bad as he’s hurt you for so long now.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you, Jack Hughes. You are the most disgusting person I have ever met and I hope your life becomes a living hell that you can never get out of,” The words came out calmly despite their harsh meaning. It was eerie, making the hairs on Jack’s neck stand up.

“Where do you think you’re going,” He watched as you made your way to the shared bedroom, hearing the sound of a suitcase zipper open.

He jumped up, heading straight for you, but froze as he watched you throw clothes into the suitcase. When that one became full you found another one to shove your clothes into, until the only things left were things you didn’t normally wear.

“What are you doing?” He spat, realizing that the grip he had on you was being relinquished.

“What does it fucking look like? I’m done. I’ve gone crazy trying to love you and I want out. I can’t do this anymore!” You tried to yell, but your throat constricted as it tried its best to sob. You refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing you like that, though. He had put you in this state of survival long enough.

“You’re going to regret this…” He trailed off, following you as you threw everything into your car.

“Maybe so, Jack. But I will never regret it as much as I regret falling in love with you. You are an awful person, and I hope everybody will see that one day,” You slammed the door shut and put the car in reverse.

As you made your way down the driveway and street, Jack’s figure became smaller and smaller. Nobody would ever make you feel this way ever again, and you felt sorry for whoever fell into the trap that is Jack Hughes after you.

HAHA IM SO SORRY!! Also this in no way reflects who Jack is in real life because I, obviously, don’t know him personally. This was so bad though, so I’m actually really sorry.

#nhl imagine #nhl fic #jack hughes #nhl fanfiction #quinn hughes #trevor zegras #alex turcotte #cole caufield #jack hughes imagines #nico hischier #jh86 #toxic relationship #jack hughes blurb #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes imagine #megan moroney

270 notes · View notes

slut4thebroken · 1 year ago

Text

Exposure Therapy pt. 7

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane × reader

Summary | Your usual daily session is interrupted and chaos follows not long after.

Warnings | 18+, sexual content, smut, praise, degradation, face fucking, deep throating, exhibitionism??, grinding, fear gas, angst, kind of? He’s just not good at emotions, but you are very persistent lmao.

Words | 3.3k

Notes | I hope y'all remember what happens in Batman begins lmao. (Okay I’m worried I made the end too complicated because I had to reread some of the things he said multiple times and really think about it to understand what he was trying to say�� lmk what y’all think of it pls)

Ao3 link | <3

Fic Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Part 6

You started a nice routine. So far he’s only been gone one day, but other than that you would always come to his office sometime around lunch, depending on if he was able to let himself have a break from his work or not. Usually after you ate was when he would give you a few things to do, but sometimes he got too impatient and fucked you instead. He learned very quickly though that your come drunk mind is not able to complete anything he gives you, so he does his best to wait and save that until after you’ve done a decent amount of work. He still hasn’t had you help with the experiments directly yet though. Which you thought was weird given how eager he seemed for your help. Okay maybe not eager…

Two weeks passed by quickly and you found yourself looking forward to each day, which you haven’t felt since you got here. You tried not to think about that too much though.

He brought pasta today, in to-go containers, and you ate it eagerly. He was mostly used to your eating habits by now, understanding that you’re only getting one decent tasting meal a day, but he still often reprimanded you for eating too fast.

“How much time is left of your lunch break?” You asked as you finished your food and he glanced at the clock on the wall.

“Half an hour.”

“Good.” You stood up, discarding the empty container on his desk, and walked over to him. When you dropped to your knees, he raised his brows and eyed you curiously. “Move back.” You said, glancing down to the chair. Without saying a word, he rolled the chair back and you slipped under the desk, using the arms of the chair to pull him back in.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked, but it was amused, not a warning. You placed a hand over his already hardening cock, making his breath hitch.

“If you really don’t want me to, I guess I can stop.” You said, knowing he wouldn’t dare do anything of the sort. When he didn’t respond, you worked on freeing his length, then took it in your hand, stroking it to full hardness. He let out a shaky breath and both hands came down to your hair, making you pause.

“Keep eating, doctor.” You teased and his cock twitched. He huffed, but removed one hand, the other threading through your hair. You continued stroking him, then leaned down and enveloped the tip in your mouth. His grip on your hair tightened, but he gave no other indication that he was affected by your ministrations. Which only made you want to try harder. You swallowed him deeper in your mouth, hand stroking the base, then started moving up and down at a slow pace. He let you maintain control for a while, his hand tight on your hair but not pushing you down just yet.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you placed both hands on his thighs and forced yourself down as far as you could without gagging. He let out a choked moan and his hand suddenly forced you down the rest of the way, making your eyes widened as they filled with tears. He let out a low moan as he held you there, even as you dug your nails into his covered thighs. When he finally let you pull off, you coughed lightly, but quickly continued.

“So eager. Do you like sucking me off?” You moaned around his length in agreement, never slowing the bobbing of your head. “I can tell. I bet you’re already soaked.” He chuckled and your face heated up. You let out a startled moan when he suddenly pushed his leg out between your thighs, pressing it against your core. You took the stimulation greedily, rutting against his leg as you hallowed out your mouth and pressed your tongue against the underside of his length.

You weren’t sure if he was still eating, but his free hand was still above the desk and he stopped talking for a moment so you assumed he was. When you went all the way down and froze again, he pushed you down the rest of the way until his cock passed your throat barrier, making you choke.

“That’s it. You just need a little help getting there, don’t you?” He said through a moan and your hips bucked faster at the passable excuse for praise. “We'll have to work on that though. I shouldn’t have to do all the work every time, should I?” You sputtered around his cock, tears falling down your cheeks, staining the fabric of his pants. When you tried to push yourself back up, his grip on your hair turned painful and he forced you down impossibly deeper.

“Shh, just take it.” He uttered softly at your panicked choking. Finally stopping the pressure, you quickly pulled away, coughing and almost hyperventilating, making him roll back a little to see your face. “You can take a little more right? I’m so close.” Even though his tone sounded a little mocking, you were pretty sure he was genuinely asking. So you cleared your throat and nodded, letting out a raspy, “yeah.”

“Good girl.” He said, giving you a proud smile, and your hips stuttered forward at the praise, making his smile turn into a small smirk. He rolled back in and let you pick up where you left off, bobbing your head up and down his length, now very encouraged to help him reach his orgasm. He seemed to grow impatient though and he moved your head faster, fucking your mouth, almost breaching your throat barrier with each thrust. He fucked you like that a few times before someone knocked on the door. Your eyes widened and he forced you all the way down, holding you there.

“Dr. Crane?” Someone called out from the other side.

“No sounds.” He warned, tightening his grip to hold you flush to his pelvis. “Come in.” You were so incredibly glad that the back of his desk was covered when you heard the door open.

“Miss Dawes is back. She’s asking about Falcone.” The man said. Your eyes burned and so did your lungs the longer you went without oxygen. When you let out a choked whimper and instinctively tried to pull off, he released your hair to instead place a hand on the back of your head, holding you against him with an iron grip.

“I am on my lunch break.”

“She’s insisting.” The man above you let out a heavy sigh.

“Fine. Tell her I’ll be there in a few minutes.” The door closed and he released you, letting you pull off as you coughed and sputtered, a trail of saliva connecting the head of his cock to your lips. He waited impatiently for you to recover before using both hands to grab your head and force you back down, starting a brutal pace of pounding your mouth. Each thrust made your choke and gag as he forced his cock into your throat every time. When he cursed under his breath and his hips started bucking with each move of your head, you knew he was nearing his orgasm.

He pulled you all the way down with a low moan and you felt hot come hitting the back of your throat, not even letting you swallow it because of how deep he was. You let out a muffled whimper as he continued holding you there, only letting you pull away once his cock stopped twitching.

As you recovered, he used the napkins he brought for lunch to wipe his cock before tucking himself back in his pants and moving the chair back.

“Come here.” He said softly, holding a hand out for you to take. You crawled out from under his desk and used his hand to get to your feet, leaning against the furniture behind you. When he stood and used a clean napkin to wipe your face, your cheeks heated up. “I’m sorry I cannot stay with you this time.” He said, focusing on the task.

“It’s okay.” You croaked, clearing your throat when you heard how hoarse your voice was.

“Before I forget,” He discarded the napkin then reached into the plastic bag from the restaurant, pulling out another to-go container— this one much smaller than the other one— and handing it to you, “I thought you might enjoy this.” You took it from him and could practically feel your mouth salivating at the sight of the brownie in the box. It was nothing fancy, just a plain brownie, but you haven’t had dessert in weeks and you started to miss chocolate.

“Oh this looks amazing. Thank you.” You smiled, looking up at him, receiving a nod and a tight lipped smile in response.

“I will escort you back.” He said, taking a step away from you to let you move away from the desk as he collected his things. “Grab your bag.” He said, when you started walking without it.

“Right… sorry.” You said sheepishly, feeling a blush creep up on your cheeks. He made no other comment about your mistake as he led you to the door while you put the container in your bag. “Who’s Miss Dawes?” You asked as you walked down the now familiar hallways.

“No one of your concern.” He said coldly, but he seemed to notice his tone. “Someone who’s been getting too close to what I’m doing here.” He explained, tone still void of emotion, but not as harsh.

“I see.” You said, then added, “You can’t do anything about it?” He turned to you with an almost amused expression on his face because of what you were implying.

“No. She works for the DA's office.”

“Oh.” You arrived at your cell and he opened the door for you.

“I will see you soon. I am not exactly sure when that will be though.” He said, easing your nerves, probably because of what he did the last time he returned you to your cell.

“Okay.” You walked inside, then turned and gave him a small smile, receiving a curt nod in response before he closed the door.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you finished the brownie, got through six chapters of a book and covered two pages of the sketch book in drawings before you started growing a little tired. Not knowing what time it was, you decided to just lay down and try to sleep, but a loud noise followed by an alarm had you bolting up in your bed. You got up to try and see anything through the small window on the door, but the hallway was empty. Deciding not to feed into your anxiety, you turned back around, but froze at the sound of your door being unlocked. Was whoever was responsible for the alarms coming for you now?

You all but sighed in relief when Dr. Crane was on the other side of the door, but your brows furrowed in confusion when you saw the open straight jacket he was wearing, as well as the scarecrow mask in his hand.

“Hurry, we don’t have much time.” He said, holding his free hand out for you to take. You grabbed it and he started briskly walking down the halls to his office, practically pulling you along behind him.

“What’s going on? Why are you wearing that?”

“I’ll explain later, please just trust me right now.” Another loud sound came from outside and he stiffened, then sped up significantly. When you walked through the doors he went straight to his desk and grabbed a gas mask, then tossed it to you as he put on his scarecrow mask. You stared at him in confusion as he walked toward you.

“Put it on.” His tone was stern but it wasn’t out of anger it was out of fear. You obeyed and as soon as the mask was on, he was grabbing you and pulling you into the hallway toward the front door.

“Where are we going?” You asked, voice muffled by the mask. He opened the door and you were met with the sight of pure chaos. People were attacking each other in the street, police horses were running wild, their riders nowhere to be found. He led you over to a horse and lifted himself onto it, then tried to help you on before you stopped him. You could barely get a word out before he was interrupting you.

“Just get on.” You nervously eyed the wriggling horse before sighing and lifting yourself onto it with his help. You sat behind him, not sure what to do, but when the horse bucked up and started running, you let out a startled scream and quickly wrapped your arms around his torso.

“Where are we going?” You had to yell over the screaming people you were passing and honestly for a moment you weren’t sure he even heard you.

“Somewhere safer than this.” You passed inmates, police officers, and civilians alike, all of them yelling and either running or attacking. When you saw something flying in your direction, you thought you had truly lost it, but he turned down a street to avoid it before you could get a good look at it.

As he continued down the panic filled streets, there were less and less people and you saw water up ahead. He stopped in front of a warehouse near the docks and jumped off before helping you down.

“What the hell was that thing?” You asked as he led you inside.

“Gotham’s self-appointed protector, a deluded soul in a costume.” He said, voice dripping with loathing and contempt. The darkness of the room caught your attention, shifting your focus away from the questions you initially wanted to ask about his response.

“What is this place?”

“When the Bat started sniffing around, I moved some of my belongings here.” He closed and locked the door, then walked over to a wall to turn on the dim lights. “It should be safe to take off the mask now. If it’s not, I prepared an antidote, just to be safe.” You tentatively removed the gas mask after he removed his own.

“That was all your toxin?” You asked, shocked.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“It was not my plan.” He defended. You sighed and crossed your arms over your chest, gaze drifting down to the straight jacket.

“Why are you wearing that?”

“I have the Bat to thank for this.” He said bitterly. You stared at him, trying to psych yourself up to ask what you really wanted to know.

“Why did you come back for me? Why didn’t you just escape?” When he turned around and started walking to a desk in the center of the room, you thought he was just going to ignore you.

“I’ve worked too hard on you. It’d be a pity to let that go to waste over something as simple as not stopping by your room.” He said simply, making your brows furrow. You followed after him and when he turned back to face you, he read your expression easily. “First you complain about being there and now you complain about me taking you somewhere else.” Despite his annoyance, there was a small smile on his lips.

“I’m not complaining, I'm just confused.”

“You said you’d help me. Now more than ever I need assistance. Have the few minutes of freedom changed your mind already?” He almost seemed… hurt.

“That’s not-“ You let out a heavy sigh in frustration. “Why can’t you be honest with me?”

“I am,”

“You’re not. You really expect me to believe that you took me just because you need help? When you could’ve gotten any lowlife to do it instead?”

“Yes.” He said simply. You clenched your jaw and stared at him, then let out a dry chuckle.

“Fine. What do you need help with?” You waited in agonizing silence as he studied you.

“Why are you so bothered by this?” That made you scoff.

“Are you serious?” You asked and when he didn’t respond, you continued. “I’ve given you everything— everything that wasn’t taken from me— and in return, all you do is treat me like one of your experiments.” You watched his jaw tick as it clenched, but you couldn’t stop, not now that you’ve started. “You want my help, you want me to eat with you, you give me a fucking sketch pad, but you come back for me just because it would be a pity to let your work go to waste?” You could feel tears welling in your eyes as you said it out loud.

“Why can’t you give me something— anything, to prove that I’m not just an experiment to you.” You said quietly. He swallowed thickly and looked away from you. Just say it, you begged silently. Please just say it.

“What do you want me to say? You want me to tell you that I like being around you? That I couldn’t harm you again, no matter how hard I tried? That the thought of leaving you in that place, without me there to protect you, is enough to make me risk my life?” When he finished, his expression was something you’ve never seen on him before.

“If it’s true.” You said quietly, holding your breath.

“Even if it is, you expect too much of me. I am not able to give you what you truly want.”

“I just want you.” You took a step toward him, but froze when he took one back.

“No. You want someone who can provide you with more than just books or art supplies and simple kindness. You want someone who can make you feel like more than an experiment and I am not able to give that to you.” Even though you understood that you had nothing to do with his attachment issues, your chest still ached knowing that you’re not enough for him to want to try.

“I know that your ways of expressing affection are unconventional, but it’s enough for me to just know. You don’t have to say it.”

“I may not be a good person, but I am not selfish enough to keep you from finding what you truly desire under the basis of false affection. No matter how much I wish to keep you by my side.”

“What I desire is to be by your side!” You said, exacerbated. “I don’t need emotional confessions or labels. I can feel it in the way you touch me, the way you speak to me, the things you do for me.” He was silent for a long time and you forced yourself to maintain eye contact, even as your eyes were filling with tears once again.

“That is not how you really feel and as the one who’s emotions haven’t been manipulated, it would be wrong of me to continue taking advantage of you in your current state,”

“You made me like this!” You yelled, feeling a tear escape your waterline. When you continued, you tried to lower your voice to a normal level. “You made me feel like this… Please don’t pretend like all of this is just in my head.” When he remained silent, you whimpered out one last, “Please.”

“Eventually you’ll realize that I’m right- that all of this was just a coping mechanism.” You let out an irritated sigh, getting over this back and forth very quickly.

“Tell me.” You said, significantly harsher than before.

“What?”

“Tell me to my face that I’m nothing more than an experiment. Tell me and I’ll drop it.” He clenched his jaw and let out a heavy breath through his nose, not able to maintain eye contact. The longer he remained silent, the harder it was to hold in the tears. “Please.” You whispered, making him look at you again.

“Even if you aren’t, the confession would be inadmissible,”

“It wouldn’t!” You yelled and he let out another heavy sigh.

“I will only disappoint you, but to satiate your masochistic tendencies…” He paused with a sigh and you held your breath. “You are more than an experiment.”

Part 8

#jonathan crane smut #jonathan crane x reader #jonathan crane #scarecrow x reader smut #scarecrow #angst #smut #confessions #?#kind of #exposure therapy

457 notes · View notes

runningfrom2am · 1 year ago

Text

in this life or the next (part II)

summary: you and rafe won the 75th annual Hunger Games as a team, but at what cost?

pairing: rafe x fem!reader

wc: 11.4k

tags/warnings: not as much as you would expect for a Hunger Games fic honestly. spoilers for the og Hunger Games movies I guess (but also not bc i changed it up a bit- you'll see), Ward being a shitty dad (as per usual). also this isn't thoroughly edited bc.. it's long and i'm still lazy.

masterlists // nav // requests

join my taglist here

a/n: hi guys! this is part two of this fic, and i'm honestly pretty proud of how this story is coming together!! i hope anyone who enjoyed that one enjoys this one :) also i very much set it up for part three so look forward to that (eventually).

"Without further adieu, I'm pleased to welcome back, from District One and District Five, Rafe Cameron and Y/N Y/L/N, this year's Victors!" The base of the talk show's theme music bellowed in your ears as you followed your cue, holding tightly onto Rafe's hand as you took the stage again. You never imagined you would be back here, but you're grateful to be.

"Rafe, Y/N, I cannot honestly put into words how pleased I am to have you both back with me tonight. We're all so excited to have you- aren't we?" Caesar smiled, riling up the crowd once more as the cheers had died down. Rafe had a smile glued to his face, squeezing your hand once you were both sat down before letting it go.

"We're happy to be back." Rafe replied and you nodded, smiling over at him. He looked so much better- the colour had returned to his skin, a subtle pink flush you didn't care to take notice of before the games.

"I bet you are." Caesar nodded. "We have so much to talk about, but first, I'd like to personally congratulate you both on your win. This was the first-ever games to produce two winners, I hope you understand the extent of your accomplishment."

"Thank you, yeah." You smiled, turning your attention to the man across from you. "I couldn't have done it without him."

"Likewise," Rafe said, gently nudging your shoulder with his hand. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head with a smile.

"God, I just love your chemistry." Caesar said, smiling and leaning his chin onto his palm. This resulted in more laughs and cheers from the audience. "This is a perfect segue, actually," He sits up straighter again, a slight laugh leaving him. "You were aware that we were all watching, right? Because there were some very real... intense moments between you two in the arena that had us on the edge of our seats. The whole 'will they, won't they' tension was so palpable. So, I think we all just want to know, was it real?"

Rafe nodded, watching the man intently as he listened to him speak. You were both wondering where he was going with that, but while you felt your face burning red, you came up with a logical answer that effectively dodged what he was really asking. "I mean, yeah, of course, such significant amounts of stress on both the body and the mind would make anyone vulnerable in a way you wouldn't expect."

Rafe shifted in his seat, turning his gaze to you as Caesar nodded at your answer. "But with Y/N it was just so easy. She gave me a new perspective on everything, which I appreciate still so greatly. Just, yeah I don't think I could ever see myself sort of... opening up in that way with anyone else." Rafe added, thinking for just a moment before shaking his head with a slight laugh. "I didn't even care that the world was watching, because I knew she was listening, you know?"

A chorus of 'aw's came from the audience and you smiled at him, looking to Caesar quickly to gauge his reaction. His was fairly similar, hand clutched to his chest with a pout in his lip. "Well, there's your answer, folks. It's very real. That is just so sweet." He nods.

"Rafe is right," You chimed in, silence falling over the building. "But truly it is just such a harrowing, scary experience, and up until last year's games we had never seen tributes connecting in a way that we were given the opportunity to, in a similar way to Katniss and Peeta had, the tributes from twelve last year. I think that is a new experience for both the viewer and for us as tributes, and it sets a new standard for the games. I just count myself so lucky that I got chosen to be Rafe's partner, because otherwise we never would have met- or we at least wouldn't have gotten the chance to see each other as real people, with thoughts and feelings and families waiting at home."

When you finished speaking, the silence stuck for a few moments that felt like an eternity. "Well... Yes, I suppose you're right, Y/N." Caesar agreed, but you still felt in your gut that you had said something wrong as the audience murmured and whispered to each other. "I think this is a good time to move on, because Y/N, you just have such a way with words, and we all saw in the games that you have... just one of the most amazing minds we have ever seen in a tribute."

"Isn't it cool?" Rafe added, leaning in and looking between the two of you with a smile on his face. "Caesar, I told you she had a secret weapon!" The audience loved this, instantly coming back to life with laughs and cheers.

"Yes, you did! We definitely didn't expect that!" Caesar chuckles. "So, Y/N, let us in a little bit more- at what point did you realize that the arena was recycled?"

"Oh, immediately." You answered with a nod, folding your hands in your lap. "Honestly by the time I saw the cornucopia for the first time I confirmed it, it was kind of a relief."

He claps his hands together, clearly impressed. "That's incredible! You proved it over and over again. My favorite part was the bag- we were all so confused and I personally got a bit of a laugh when you were trying to point it out to Rafe and he just had this hilarious confused look on his face! From the first thirty seconds, you guys already had this dynamic that had everyone in Panem hooked on watching you. So please, Y/N, tell us what your secret is. How your brain works, if you will."

"Please, Y/N/N." Rafe agreed, mocking Caesar's intrigued posture as he gazes at you waiting for you to elaborate.

You laughed, gently smacking his shoulder. "I just... I don't know. I see something, learn something, whatever the context may be, and then I just know it. I assume it's the same for you, but I just hold on to all the extra stuff. I think I'm broken, or something. I didn't even know this was abnormal until Rafe pointed it out during our training- I just always thought I was smarter than my siblings." You joke, laughing slightly.

"Well, I can only imagine you would be hard to compete with academically with a mind like yours." Caesar chuckled. "So, tell us, what's next for Panem's favourite couple- as I understand you now are."

You and Rafe made eye contact briefly. You hadn't talked about it, despite having hardly left each others sides since you returned. "I don't know." You shrug. "I suppose whatever you guys tell us to do."

"I think we'll go home, see our families, relax a bit and then we'll be back and ready for the victory tour in a few months." Rafe cut in. Had you said something wrong again?

"And we can't wait- we will miss having you guys on our screens everyday, that is for sure." Caesar smiled, standing up which made up your signal to do the same.

"We look forward too seeing you again soon." Rafe smiled, shaking Caesar's hand as you stood up, quickly adjusting your dress in the meantime.

"Thank you so much for joining me tonight, and congratulations again on your win. Enjoy your time at home." Caesar turned to you, giving you a quick hug before you held Rafe's arm and walked offstage, waving to the audience for hopefully the last time in a while.

As you recalled the memory of the last time you saw Rafe in person, you find yourself getting nervous at the idea of seeing him again. It had been a long six months- and you had exchanged an endless string of handwritten letters.

Life for you in the Victor's Village was pleasant, refreshing, even- since it had felt like forever since you had known any kind of peace. It's in a quiet area of town, giving you lots of space to enjoy real fresh air in a way that felt safe. Unfortunately, your vivid nightmares couldn't be quelled by the cool breeze or your sisters sleeping peacefully next to you or the room across the hall.

Rafe had found out that yes, you did sign your name with a heart normally. At least, you did in the many letters he had received from you. It had been the longest six months of his life, but at the same time, a whirlwind of everything happening all at once. Regardless, he spent the entire time walking on eggshells around his father.

When Rafe was reunited with his family, his sister had thrown herself at him with such force he stumbled back when he caught her in his arms, holding her tight with a hand over the back of her head. "I never thought I would see you again..." She mumbled, chin wobbling against his shoulder.

"I missed you so much, Wheeze, you have no idea." He whispered back, gently stroking the back of her hair. He put her down gently, but she refused to let go of his waist as he acknowledged the rest of his family. Sarah, stoic, standing alongside their dad with a matching expression. She, somehow, had a smile behind her eyes that Rafe was all too familiar with. Sarah was happy to see him, though she would never admit it in Ward's presence.

"Rafe." Ward smiled, suddenly, shockingly, only until Rafe realized they had cameras on them as his father walked up and smacked a hand onto his shoulder, guiding him away. District One was proud to have another Victor to add to the growing roster, and they would always celebrate accordingly. Somehow, Rafe didn't feel special.

"Hey, Dad," Rafe replied, smiling nervously as his dad gave his shoulder a squeeze. He knew he was in trouble- big trouble, and maybe staying in the capitol wouldn't have been so bad. He hoped you were facing a more genuine welcome in Five.

"Are you excited to see your girlfriend today?" Sarah asks, bringing him back to reality as she leaned against the entryway to their home gym. To Rafe, their whole house felt cold now. The mansion was decorated mostly in white, with marble flooring and high ceilings that made the home feel so much emptier than he remembered it. Most of the time, he stayed alone at the home he'd been granted in the victors village.

"Yeah. I don't think she's my girlfriend, though." He replies, hardly tearing his eyes away from the combat training equipment that still haunts him.

Sarah furrows her brow accompanying a confused laugh. "What? Only all of Panem sees you as the hottest couple, but you don't know?"

"We never got to talk about it. So, yeah, I don't know."

"Will you ask her?"

Rafe shrugs, getting up from the bench and throwing the towel over his shoulder. "Probably. She's the only good thing I can think about, these days."

"You better get on that. I heard from the news that there's an engagement announcement on the horizon!" Sarah calls, turning on her heel as she heads back down the hall.

Rafe sighs, grabbing his water bottle and heading out after her. He's wanted to talk about this, of course, but in the victor's interview you mentioned that anyone would be so vulnerable with all that stress- and he couldn't help but be a little hurt by that. Then again, you've sent him letter after letter since you had been apart, so the signals he's getting are mixed- to say the least.

As he changes into the clothes his dad picked out for him for the first day of the Victory Tour, he hopes that seeing you again will bring only good memories. Not that there are many to choose from- but something in his gut is telling him that you will be the cure to his nightmares, or at the very least, someone to talk to about everything, even if it's just for a few months a year. Forever.

You're standing at the train station, surrounded by your family and an array of cameras, everyone anxiously awaiting the two of you being reunited. It's unknown to you if he will even get off the train, part of you hopes that he doesn't so your sisters don't get the chance to bug him. "He'll be happy to see you, hey?" Your mom interrupts your thoughts, nudging you gently with her elbow.

"Maybe." You shrug, pulling at the loose strings on the hem of your dress. "I don't know, I don't want to go. I'd rather stay home, Mom."

"I know, sweetheart... And we'll miss you." She sighs, kissing the side of your head and pulling you close with an arm around your shoulders. "But maybe it'll be nice to talk to him. He must understand you better than we can, these days."

"I don't know about that." You say softly, gazing down the tracks at the sound of the train quickly approaching. You take a deep breath, turning to hug your sisters so you have time. You were on a very tight schedule already, Opal was making sure of that. The train couldn't leave a minute late- even though you're sure that you and Rafe may be precious cargo, considering you're the only ones on it, spare for your teams, and the only reason the train is making this journey at all.

"I'll bet he jumps out of the train and tackles you to the ground because he missed you so, so, soooo much!" Your youngest sister giggles, clinging tightly to your arm.

You decide not to acknowledge it, eyes locked on the silver metal as it pulls up in front of you. "Don't say anything to him, you best leave him alone." Your dad reminds her, peeling her from your arm and into his side instead.

The door slides open, and just as you're lifting your one bag you're met with Rafe. Seeing him for the first time in person for months is shocking. He looks tired- you guess he's been having nightmares too. "Y/N.." He says, almost breathlessly as he leans against the door of the train.

"Hi." You whisper, giving him the best smile you can muster. Truly, you are happy to see him, but you do know he has to put on a show of the two of you being reunited. He jumps down, taking three large strides toward you before pulling you close and burying his face in your hair. "I'm so happy to see you."

"Me too." He mumbles, letting you go after a moment.

"Welcome to District Five, I guess." You laugh nervously, gesturing around you.

"Thank you, I've never been here before," Rafe explains, rather unnecessarily. "The ride was beautiful."

Opal is trying to usher you from behind the camera to move onto the train, and Rafe's hand is hanging at his side, fingers brushing gently over your arm. You get the message, just about to finally wave off your family for a second time. "Wait, hold on." Your dad cuts you off, stopping you both in your tracks.

"Thank you, Son." He nods, holding out his hand to Rafe. You can see his chin wobble, but you can also see that he's trying to keep a brave face for the cameras. Your family had been warned to not speak to him, to just say goodbye and let you walk onto the train since your reunion would be telecasted live- but he just couldn't let Rafe get away without him knowing how much he appreciated him saving you.

Rafe takes his hand and shakes it, returning the nod. "I would have died before taking her from you." They would have a less formal opportunity to meet towards the end of the tour when you revisited Five for a big celebration in both of your honour. You were already dreading it. Anyway, now, they only really had time for pleasantries. Not even that, if they were to follow Opal's schedule.

Cameras are quickly cut, and you wave goodbye now as you're actually forced onto the train. "Gosh, you two, we have places to be. Seriously." Opal says sternly, walking on behind you along with your stylist's team.

It's only a little while until you were talking again, like you had never been apart- and like everything was normal. Until, as the sun set over the mountains in District Eleven, you both got quiet, looking out the array of windows in the very last car.

"I'm glad to see you normally sign your name with a heart."

"Huh?"

"Uh, in the cave. You put your name on the wall, with a little heart beside it. I remember wondering if you normally write your name like that, and you do."

"Oh, yeah. When I'm signing something, I guess." You agree with a slight shrug. After a few moments of comfortable silence, both of you staring out the window over the tracks, you continue. "We're going to get in trouble. About what you said to my dad."

"I meant it," Rafe replies, not missing a single beat.

"Did Snow come to see you too?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods. "I don't really care though, what can he do to me that he hasn't already done, you know?"

"He'd go after your sisters."

"He mentioned something about that. He won't, though. He's just trying to scare us into smiling for the cameras."

"I don't know..." You sigh. "I'd rather not risk it. Play it safe."

"You'll be doing that for the rest of your life, and he'll only demand more and more." Rafe shakes his head at you, reaching out and taking your hand. "With whatever is happening in the districts, he wouldn't run the risk of hurting our families. Your family, in particular. Panem loves your family, you gave them security by speaking so highly of them in the games, and they bought their own by spending all that money to send both of us something from home. He couldn't touch them without the whole country losing their minds."

"What? What's happening in the districts?" All you had seen on TV was reruns of your interviews and highlight reels of your own games. You tried not to watch much TV.

Rafe's eyes flicker with confusion as he scans your face. After a moment he realizes that of course, you wouldn't know. He only knows because of his dad- the news was so heavily censored in the outlying districts that there's no doubt you wouldn't have heard about the uprisings. "I-uh... My dad told me some stuff. There's been a couple of uprisings, nothing serious, but still. He wants us to keep them happy." He decidedly leaves out the fact that people in farther districts, outside of your own, are really not your biggest fans.

"Oh... Well, I'll try my best. Do you know what they were about?"

"No, uh, I don't know much about it. Sorry." Rafe mumbles, dropping your hand to push himself up from the couch. "I should probably get some sleep. You too."

Looking at how dark it is outside now, he's probably right. You have a long couple of weeks ahead, starting tomorrow. Starting it off with a full night's sleep would no doubt be beneficial- and who knows what time Opal will be waking you up in the morning.

You stretch out your arms as you stand up, yawning as you follow Rafe out the door and toward your cabin where your things are waiting for you.

It's not long after a quick shower that you pass out in bed, already tired and lulled to sleep by the steady movement of the train. And it's not long after that until you're standing on the silver pedestal that typically haunts your dreams yet again.

You look around, trying desperately to put together the pieces of where you are. You can't. You can, everything looks the same, but there's a feeling of panic in your gut that tells you you don't know a thing as the timer ticks down in front of you, the sound echoing throughout the arena.

Your head snaps to the left when you hear someone yelling for you. Your sister. She looks pale, you can practically see her shaking from where you're standing. She's yelling at you still, but you can't make out what she's saying as you realize that it isn't just her. Your whole family is there, and no sign of Rafe.

How are you supposed to do this without him?

The timer reaches zero, and the alarm blades signaling the games have begun. You're quick to sprint for your youngest sister, your first goal being getting her away. As you reach her you look back toward the cornucopia, blood already sprayed across the side of the glistening metal and bodies on the ground. Exactly the way it was last time.

"We have to get you out of here. We have to go south, we have to-" You're cut off by her freezing, stumbling back, and falling into the grass.

You call for her in a panic, looking back over your shoulder. You have nothing. There's nothing you can do to help as she chokes on blood from the knife now embedded in her chest.

It was you. You're standing there, a sick smile on your face with dropped shoulders- you had thrown it. Just how Rafe had taught you.

You wake up to the sound of your own screaming, sitting up quickly and kicking off your blanket. Your hair is stuck to your forehead as you scramble to place your surroundings. It wasn't real. It felt so real.

"Y/N?" You look up to the door in a panic as Rafe pushes the door open, brows furrowed in concern. "Are you okay?"

His presence starts to calm you almost instantly. "Yeah, just a dream." You say breathlessly. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"I couldn't sleep anyway." He insists, stepping in and closing the door. "Can I stay?"

You just nod, sliding over to make room for him.

Rafe pads across the floor, climbing in bed next to you and laying down, getting comfortable as you lay facing each other. Your heart is still racing. You still see your sister suffering at your own hand.

Without saying a word, Rafe reaches up, hesitating for a moment before brushing your hair back from your forehead. "I get nightmares too." He whispers, settling his hand on your cheek, gently brushing over your skin with his thumb.

"I'm sorry." You whisper back, eyes still open as you try and look at him in the dark.

He knows you're not apologizing as if it's your fault, more so saying you wish that neither of you were plagued with the memories of what you had been through. "Me too." He whispers, finally closing his eyes. Maybe now, with you here, he'll feel safe enough to get a full night of sleep without being interrupted by the screams of the kids that he killed.

You wake up with another jolt when the door flies open, slamming against the wall. "Oh, thank god. Rafe! What are you doing in here? Get up, hurry. We've spent far too much time searching the train for you." You blink a few times, rubbing your eyes as you process the harsh awakening by his escort, Zara.

"I'm up..." Rafe grumbles from beside you, taking a deep breath in with his head pressed against your back and an arm over your waist.

"God, you scared me. Now come on, we're already late." She says, standing and holding the door, waiting for him to get moving.

He sighs in response, and you feel a rush of cold air as he leaves you, stretching as he gets up and follows Zara out of the room. The train has stopped moving, you notice this quickly as you get up yourself. It's safe to assume Opal is waiting for you as well.

Walking out onto the stage of District Twelve is humbling, to say the very least. They are among the poorest of Panem's districts, even District Five seems like the Capitol compared to this. The pedestals in front of us display images of the four tributes behind where their families stand. It is all too real as you stand there in front of a large crowd in yet another uncomfortable dress.

Rafe holds your hand as you walk out, scanning over the crowd too. Even his already fake smile begins to fade at the sight and he looks pale. He's clutching your speech cards in his other hand, and you clock how it's slightly shaking from nerves as you are directed to begin speaking and he raises the cards.

"We are united as Panem is united. Our love has opened our eyes to the greatness of our country." You can tell in his voice he's trying to maintain his charismatic charm, but it's failing him. He can't tear his eyes away from the tributes' families, recognizing the faces on the screens behind them. One of the girls stands out, and he shakes away her voice in his head begging him to spare her life with her leg caught in the trap he asked you to set. He adjusts his focus to the mountains in the distance before he continues. "Love illuminates the truth-"

"You're standing where Katniss and Peeta should be!" He's interrupted by someone shouting from the crowd. It's easy to pick out the voice in the sea of people. A boy, a few years older than you with dark hair and a strong build. He's worked his whole life, no doubt. There's a blonde girl next to him- Prim. Katniss's sister, who she had volunteered for last year.

Rafe is frozen, staring at them for a moment before looking back to Zara, who gestures for him to continue. He's squeezing your hand now, tighter. "That's her sister." You whisper to him before he gets the chance to speak again. "May I?"

He looks down at you, silently asking if you're sure. Secretly, Rafe is relieved. You nod to him again and he hands you the cards. You don't need them, so you place them down on the pedestal in front of you.

"I understand the tremendous loss your community has faced at the hands of these games. And I am sorry." Rafe taps your arm, watching you now as you speak. You look up at him briefly and he nods to you. "We are sorry." You correct, reading from him that that is what he wanted.

"We can't fix the past, but I can tell you that without Spruce, Fletcher, Trilly, and Cerise we wouldn't be standing here today. We are forever in debt to them, and to you, for something that we didn't want to take in the first place." You pause, clearing your throat as you feel a tightness in your chest. "I never knew Katniss or Peeta, but watching them at home inspired me, and remember wondering when I watched Katniss volunteer for little Prim if I would do the same for my sisters, and as much as I love them I realized that I don't know if I ever could. And then, at the end, when she and Peeta both chose to die rather than live without each other, rather than pumping out another victor from the games- I was in awe. Of their bravery, and of their sacrifice. I thought I could never do that. They were braver than me."

You stare around the silent crowd, aiming to memorize every face. "Then I met Rafe, and I finally understood them. We would have done the same, but we were given a greater opportunity. I don't know why it was us and not them, and what we did to deserve our lives again, but I am truly sorry that it wasn't them." You spit out, choking over every word.

"It's because he's one of them!" The same boy shouts, pointing at Rafe and you notice peacekeepers shoving their way through the crowd toward him.

Rafe swallows the lump in his throat, keeping a straight face as he looks out at the boy.

"We are sorry that you lost loved ones." You say again, looking up at him briefly.

Before you can continue, Rafe is moving you aside to speak again. "I will donate half of my winnings to the families of our fallen tributes, as well as the families of Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. It is the very least I can do, and I know that it won't bring them back, but I am sorry."

Rafe sees the peacekeepers quickly approaching and he wraps one arm around you, holding the other out towards them. "Hey, hey! Don't touch her, we'll go." He says, letting the peacekeepers guide you back off of the stage and out of view as chaos breaks out in the crowd.

"Y/N Y/L/N are you crazy?" Opal is there quickly, looking like she is ready to smack you if she didn't know better.

"What? What did I do?" You ask, panic evident in your voice as you hear shots firing outside.

"She just said what she thought they wanted to hear." Rafe defends you, but even he knows you messed up. In the eyes of the President, anyways.

"Yes, but that is the exact opposite of what Snow wants to hear! And you! Offering them his money? Did you think that was smart?"

"I- I don't know, I didn't know what to do and lord knows I don't need it! They can have it all for all I care." Rafe sighs, shaking his head dismissively.

"Rafe! You were given explicit instructions to keep the peace! Your father is going to be furious, you realize that right?" Zara intervenes.

"Instructions to what, sell this 'against all odds love story'? They want us together so they can brainwash Panem into thinking that privileged districts and the stupid Capitol can get along with the others, and that we're all a big happy family, but its all bullshit. I don't want to be a part of that and I never asked to be." Rafe shouts at her, and Opal gasps as you look away.

"I'll- uhm, yeah. Right. Opal, can you come with me back to the train? I want to leave." You mumble.

She glares at Rafe as she places a hand on your back, leading you toward the exit with peacekeepers following to escort you out of the building.

Heartbreak wasn't exactly on your bingo card for the first day of the victory tour. At least you got your answers, though. Rafe wants nothing to do with you, and now you can go about the rest of your life being forced to pretend you're in love. Great.

The tour continues as scheduled. Every day, occasionally with a day of travel time in between, you find yourself standing on a stage, a smile glued to your face, reading from a script with your hand wrapped around one belonging to a boy who couldn't care less about you. It's torturous.

The day finally comes, after cycling painfully through all the other districts that you make it to the first of two big parties, you're finally home.

"Y/N, Honey, welcome home." Your mom greets you at the door with a hug.

"I missed you." You mumble, pulling her into a hug. She shuts the door behind you as you step away, looking outside for just a moment.

"Where's Rafe?"

"He's staying down the road." You mumble, avoiding eye contact with her and stalking up to your room.

You feel guilty about being grateful for the many empty houses in the victor's village, allowing him his own place to stay instead of staying with you.

You have a few hours of peace before Opal will come with your stylist to prep you and your family for the party and address that's happening tonight, and the one thing on your agenda before then is a good, long nap.

A good, long nap, however, was not something on your sister's agenda, and it was only a matter of minutes before she was barging into your room.

"Y/N! How come Rafe isn't here?" She asks aptly, throwing herself onto your bed next to you.

"He's busy." You grumble, pulling the blankets tighter around yourself.

"Oh, like you? So busy right now you can't say hi to your favourite sister?"

"You're not my favourite."

"Rude." She makes herself at home in your bed, curling up next to you. For the first three months you were home, she didn't leave your side. She had slept in your bed every night, uncomfortable both with the move and her new room away from the one you had previously shared, and also with the idea of losing you again. "Did you kiss him?" She giggles once she's settled in, whispering despite the first time you kissed Rafe being broadcast on national television for the whole country to see.

"No." You whisper back, feeling tears prick at your eyes. "He hates me."

"What? How? I need more details than that, I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

"It was all fake. To get people to like us, to make us win and now to keep Snow from coming after our families." You say quietly, finding it difficult to admit your naivety to even yourself. "He never meant any of it."

Your sister is shocked, jaw slack with your explanation. She's only sixteen, but you can see the gears turning in her head. She loves a romance book, and growing up in a house where your parent's hands were rarely disconnected has built her into somewhat of a relationship expert. Or so she thinks, at least. "No. No, that's not true."

"It is, he said it."

"Exactly like that? What were his exact words?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"I don't remember."

"You're lying. There's not a thing anyone has ever said to you that you've forgotten." She insists. "But, fine, I guess it doesn't matter because I know it's not true. I've seen the way he looks at you when you're not watching. He's so in love with you it's absurd. Trust me."

You sigh, pulling the blanket away from your face to look up at her. "Don't say that."

"Why? I'm right."

You sniffle, wiping your eyes on the sheet before explaining. "He said we're being forced together to prove something to the public, and he never wanted to be a part of that."

"I knew you were lying." Your sister smiles, pushing your hair back from your face. "But that means nothing. Less than nothing! I wasn't there, but he probably meant that he doesn't want to be together just to be a public spectacle, or to push some agenda that's not his own. That says nothing about how he truly feels about you."

"I don't know..." You reply, skeptical of her thought process. "You should have seen him. He was so angry-"

"At you?"

"Well, no-"

"Then it wasn't about you." She assures you, tucking herself into the blanket. "We'll have a nap, and then you'll talk to him tonight."

"I don't think that's a good idea." You protest.

"It is. Now shh, I'm napping." She hums, eyes already closed as she drapes her arm over your side.

The exhaustion took over and you did end up falling asleep, your sisters breath on your face calming you enough to get some well-needed rest.

You're woken up abruptly, thrown into a show dress that is at least comfortable enough to breathe in, and after being smothered in makeup and hair fried, you're pushed out of the door and into a car.

This address will be hard. You know Jack's family, and to see them standing on the pedestal across from you, behind the crowd, leaves you sick just at the thought of it. Maisie's as well, though you were far from responsible for her death. Again, the idea of why it was you and not them crosses your mind. At this point, you doubt it will ever stop.

Standing backstage, waiting for your queue, Rafe approaches you hesitantly. He knows you're angry, but over the last couple of weeks, you haven't given him a moment to explain. He wishes he could just explain.

"Do you want me to take the lead on this one?" He asks, adjusting the collar of his shirt as he takes his spot next to you, suit tailored to match your dress.

"No. I've got it." You reply coldly, eyes locked on the door ahead of you.

Rafe sighs, reaching out to grab your hand, as was your routine now. You can hear the introductions on stage ahead of you, the audience quieting down. At least this time, the district is mostly celebrating a local win, rather than mourning the senseless deaths of four of their children. This time, it's only three.

You take his hand, building up the energy to smile. You're happy, and you're happy together. Convincing your home district will be harder because, for the rest of your life, you have to keep up this show.

"Can we talk later?" Rafe whispered, leaning down and your skin tingled with the contact of his breath.

"Okay." You say, tone hardly audible as the doors open for you. Let the show begin.

You both smile and wave your way onto the stage, for the first time being met with cheers rather than blank stares. It's refreshing until you see Jack's parents adorning their little stage at the back. You wish they looked angrier, like they believed you were responsible. For some reason, you feel like they don't.

You don't realize people are waiting for you to speak until Rafe does for you, once again ignoring the queue cards.

"District Five, thank you for welcoming me into your community. I have never been here before, but when I say it is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, I mean it." He smiles, clearing his throat while the people clap. "I also want to say thank you, because without the sacrifice of your people, I wouldn't be standing here today. That means the world to me, more than I can ever express."

You chew on your lip, scanning across the back and finally seeing your own family. Their presence brings you a comfort you didn't know you needed so badly. "And to Y/N's family, thank you, truly, for raising your daughter into the incredible girl that she is. Without her, there is no chance I could have survived. She saved me. I can never repay you for what you have given me." You watch as your dad pulls your mom close with an arm around her shoulder, hugging her. She looks like she's going to cry, your dad does too.

You try not to laugh as your sister stands with her arms crossed, shaking her head at you, a smug smile on her face. "I told you." You read her lips, and you shake your head back at her.

"Okay, okay, thank you, Rafe." You chuckle, taking the mic from him. "I would just like to say, I am so lucky to be back, and thank you to all of you for being such amazing, supportive people my whole life. It takes a village, they say, and I know I was enough of handful for the whole village to be sick of." You shrug, pulling some laughs from the audience. "I also want to say, to Maisie, Jack, and Caylen's families, I am truly sorry for your loss, but they fought hard. I hope you are proud of who they were. And Mr and Mrs Kyle, I hope you know I never wanted to hurt Jack. I'm so sorry I ever did." You finish, taking a step back to signal that you were done.

Rafe drops your hand to gently rub your back as your eyes are once again trained on his parents. They're crying, of course, as are you, but as his mom nods at you, you feel an incredible weight lifted off your shoulders. One death you felt so personally responsible for, and their family was kind enough to forgive you. Rafe hasn't been so lucky, you've seen it first hand. As you guessed, he is sick about it. Somehow, seeing Jack's family offer you that moment of forgiveness makes him feel better, too, knowing that you won't be suffering the way he is forever.

"Remember, this is your day. Everyone is here to celebrate you, dear." Opal reminds you, gently smoothing the front of your dress back at your home, getting changed for the party. "I am so proud of you."

You smile, for some reason finding yourself fighting off tears. "Thank you, for everything. I know I wasn't always pleasant to be around."

"No one expected you to be." She assures you, planting a kiss on your cheek. "My beautiful victor..."

You look up as there's a knock on the door to your room. "Rafe is here, can we let him in?" One of your stylists assistants says through the wood and Opal answers before you get the chance.

"Yes, let him in." You give her a look and she chuckles, placing her hands on your shoulders. "He's been dying to talk to you, dear. We'll give you a few minutes, and we'll be right outside."

You sigh, nodding as the door gets pushed open. "Rafe! Dear, you look so handsome." Opal smiles at him, patting his shoulder as her and your stylist shuffle out, letting Rafe in and closing the door behind themselves.

Of course, you would be matching his outfit. By now you anticipated it, but Rafe's suits never failed to impress you. It was almost entirely white, with gold cuffs and collars, and somehow, the shoes were a gold leather as well. All matched perfectly to the accents on your dress, and you wonder if his suit alone cost more than the house you grew up in. It's likely.

"You look beautiful." He breaks the silence, smiling at you nervously.

"Thanks.. You too. Handsome. I mean, white suits you."

He clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've missed you." He says, looking at you intensely to gauge your reaction. "Look, if... I did something I'm sorry. I was hoping we could talk, I want to fix things."

"If you did something." You scoff, nodding. You can't help but laugh a little bit.

"Okay, I did something. That's obvious, then. Okay." Rafe says, wracking his brain to figure out exactly where he went wrong. He has a good idea, because you ghosted him immediately after his fight with Zara and Opal in Twelve, but they had both forgiven him, understanding that he wasn't upset with them personally. "How do I fix it?"

"Oh, you want to fix it? That's rich. Truly."

"Y/N, I don't understand. You have to level with me, please." He begs, brow furrowed with upset now.

"You wouldn't want the Capitol to think we're fighting, right? You had a change of heart?" You ask rhetorically, grabbing a drink from the cart they moved into your room.

"Please, just spell it out for me. I can't go on like this, I almost lost you once. I'm not doing it again."

You sigh, the desperation in his voice forcing you to be more empathetic. "Okay, Rafe. Fine. You told them that you wanted nothing to do with this relationship. Right in front of me. I don't understand why you couldn't grasp that that hurt me, but if it wasn't clear, I really care about you."

Rafe looks down, staring at the carpet as he listens, nodding as he connects the dots. "Oh- oh! Oh, no, I didn't mean that. You have to know I didn't mean that, Y/N, come on!"

"Then why would you say it?" Your tears are threatening to return now as your voice shakes.

"Okay, I mean, I meant it, but that has nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with me? It has everything to do with me!"

"No, it doesn't." Rafe insists, stepping closer to you now. You can't bring yourself to back away. You've missed having him close. "I meant I don't want to be with you just so they can have a new front page couple. I meant I want to be with you because I want to be with you. Because I love you, not because they want me to love you."

You freeze, thinking over what he said. His I love you echoing in your mind like you're standing in a wind tunnel. "I... What?"

"Y/N," Rafe chuckles, reaching up now and holding your face in his large hands. "You are the smartest person I have ever met in my life, but sometimes, you are so dumb."

You can't help but giggle at that, shaking your head slightly. Rafe looks at you like you're holding his world in your hands. "Do you mean it?" You ask after a few moments.

"I've never meant anything more." You can feel his breath on your skin for the second time in one day, and you don't think you can go without it for another. You're sure your heart stops beating for a moment as he thumbs over your bottom lip, and just as you're sure you could throw up from how pretty he looks up close, you're pulling on the front of his jacket to close the gap between you.

It works, beautifully, and despite your confidence in the moment, he's very gentle. You've kissed before, sure, but you were both pumped so full of adrenaline that you couldn't stop laughing long enough to enjoy it- and that's looking past the fact that he was likely moments from death; thank god for the anti-venom the peacekeepers brought on board.

You hold tight onto his jacket, likely to keep your knees from buckling under you as his lips pass over yours, over and over again. "I love you too." You mumble into his skin, and you can feel him smiling against you.

"Kids? It's awfully quiet in there! Not to interrupt but we are on a deadline here!" Opal calls through the door, knocking on it gently with a gloved hand.

At the intrusion you practically jump apart, sighing a breath of relief when she doesn't open the door. "Okay, coming! Just one second." You reply, trying to hide the shakiness in your voice as you gather your things.

You don't know why you're desperate to avoid suspicion, but you're pulling the door open before either of you say anything else to each other. You both know you're okay, and that's what matters.

"Oh! Good, you're ready to go? Let's get moving." Opal nods at you as you pass her, cheeks burning. "Oh my, absolutely not!" She gasps, and you turn to see as Rafe walks out and she's producing a small linen from her bag and wiping off his mouth for him.

"I can do it..." Rafe mumbles, grabbing it from her to remove the rest of your lipstick from around his mouth as you both feel your faces turning red.

Unfortunately, you were only allowed time for one night at home before you moved on to the last uncovered district in your tour, District One.

"Are you excited to be home?" You ask Rafe, once again curled up in the back train car looking at the view. You've got a blanket draped over both of you, your legs falling over his lap.

"I really liked your brother. He's cool." Rafe dodges the question tactfully, and it's not lost on you that he doesn't want to talk about his home. "And your sister was hilarious."

"Yeah," You scoff, shaking your head. "I don't know who gave her Posca, but they shouldn't have. She was drunk out of her mind."

"Isn't she fifteen?"

"Sixteen actually, her birthday was last month." You laugh, dropping your head back onto the armrest behind you. "Be honest though, if you were given that opportunity at sixteen wouldn't you take it?"

Rafe shrugs, running his hand up and down your thigh. "Probably not, my dad would throw a tantrum."

"Is he strict?"

"Extremely."

"Oh. Still? I mean, one, you're eighteen- you're not a kid anymore, and two, shouldn't he just be happy you're alive? Even if that means you're drinking underage?"

"You would think." Rafe sighs, patting your leg gently. "Our reputation is his number one priority. Not his kids."

"I see." You nod softly. "That must be hard for you."

"Well, it's all I've ever known. So it's not that bad. I just worry about my sisters."

"I would too." You agree. "But, they have you. That makes all the difference."

"I try to. He wants them to volunteer, though. The only thing better for his business than one kid in the games is two, and the entertainment factor in that is valuable." Without any cameras around to record your every move, for one of the first times ever, Rafe can speak more candidly to you about it. And it is such a relief.

"That is just... so unfathomable to me." You reply. "Not to disrespect him, or anything, I mean all the respect for who he is and what he does, but I just can't imagine why he wouldn't prioritize your lives more. Especially after your mom..." You trail off here, realizing that's a door only he should open. You had seen a profile of him on the news, as a matter of fact your whole family sat down to watch it together after you got home. You don't know details of what happened, but they mentioned that she passed when he was ten. It broke your heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." You try and correct yourself, feeling him tense up under you as he stares out the window across from you.

"It's okay." Rafe insists, relaxing himself again to continue tracing patterns on your leg. "You're right. It is kind of backwards. I never got that before, but after going through what we did... I wouldn't ever want my sisters to get pushed through the same turnstile. You know?"

"Of course." You nod softly, grabbing his hand off your leg and holding it.

"Anyway, my mom never wanted us to volunteer. She stood out that way, people looked down on her because of it. Then she got sick and... yeah." Rafe continues and you squeeze his hand.

"I'm sorry, truly." You say, tone gentle.

"It happens." Rafe shrugs. "I admit, I was disappointed when Sarah didn't get picked with me. Especially with the team aspect, and I'm surprised that she didn't, but now I'm so glad she wasn't. Not to say she wouldn't have been a strong competitor. If she gets picked next year I guarantee she will win, actually." He says, smiling fondly with a shake of his head. "I've tried talking her out of volunteering, but she hasn't budged. She wants to please Ward, and I get that. I just hope she has the strength that I didn't."

"That's hard. I mean, at least I don't have to convince my sisters not to volunteer. They wouldn't do it if we begged them to, not that we ever would. Obviously." You chuckle, and Rafe does too. "Maybe... Would you mind if I talked to her? I have a way with little sisters."

"By all means." Rafe nods. "Good luck, though."

"I have a question." You say, after a moment of silence between the two of you, the train rattling over the tracks below you with an almost unsettling smoothness.

"Shoot."

"Since so many people volunteer, doesn't that take away the purpose of volunteering? Do they put all the volunteers into a bowl and draw names anyway? How do they pick?"

Rafe laughs, dropping your hand to reach out and ruffle your hair. "You will see."

It isn't long before you start pulling into One. It looks like a mini Capitol, but with more mansions and less giant buildings, it was extravagant nonetheless. Your face was practically glued to the window the whole drive in, as Rafe pointed out who lived where, and any landmarks you passed. It was fascinating, and you wished you were on speaking terms when you arrived in Five. There would have been lots to share.

You can't help but note that his family wasn't there to greet the train, at least you don't think they were- there was a crowd of strangers there waiting excitedly, along with more security to escort you and your teams away from the station.

Everyone there seemed to be a fan, particularly of Rafe's, and this was a comforting change of pace.

Rafe watches you with a fond smile as you stop, crouching down to talk to a little girl who wiggled past security and pulled on the bottom of your dress.

"This is for you, Miss Y/N." She says, so quietly you can hardly hear her over the sound of shuttering cameras and shouting in your direction.

You take the small flower from her and smell it. "It's beautiful, thank you, hun." You smile, taking it and tucking it behind your ear. "What's your name?"

"Clara."

"Clara, that's such a lovely name. Thank you for coming to say hi."

"Can I give you a hug?"

You nod, opening your arms to the little girl who practically falls into your lap, hugging you right around your neck. "When I grow up I'm going to be just like you. I'm gonna win." She says as you let her go, and your heart drops in your stomach.

Your smile falters and you nod at her a little. "Stay safe, okay?" You settle on, gently pushing her hair out of her eyes and standing up as Rafe places his hand on your shoulder, signalling it was really time to go.

You ease the girl back to her waiting parents, before standing upright and joining Rafe, waving to people as you follow him to the car, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling you're left with after that interaction.

The speech in District One was easier, similar to District Two, where people seemed happy to see you- more careless of the lives of young people they had lost. To them, it was an honour to go, even if you never returned home. That's where you first laid eyes on Rafe's sisters, and you could see immediately the difference he was telling you about.

Sarah looked much more like him, and Wheezie like their father, you could only guess that their mother had the dirty blonde hair and blue eyes she passed onto her oldest children.

At the party, it wasn't long before you saw her again, despite the large property and the sea of guests. Pretty much the moment you walked in, Ward was on the two of you with the girls in tow.

"Y/N! It is so good to meet you." He smiles, reaching out to shake your hand which you quickly oblige.

"You as well, Mr. Cameron."

"Please, call me Ward. All my friends do." He grins, nodding to the two girls with him. "These are my daughters, Sarah and Louise."

You try and introduce yourself, but you hardly get past a smile before he's ushering the group of you along. "There are loads of people who have been looking forward to meeting you. Come with me."

You just smile and nod, Rafe staring blankly at his dad as he leads the way.

You meet lots of people, and despite your average height you feel like they're looking down on you. No doubt you're seen as somewhat of a freeloader- carried through the games by Rafe's strength and training, but despite this, Ward introduces you to every last person as Rafe's girlfriend. Not that you mind, you had to assume that's what you were. He didn't seem bothered by it, so neither would you.

"I'm off to grab a drink, care to join?" Sarah offers, linking her arm with yours after what must have been the twenty-fifth new person in the last hour.

"I'd like that." You agree, giving a slight wave to Rafe who nods in approval before you're gone.

"It's a lot. I'm sorry." Sarah says, smile on her face as she guides you through the crowd.

"No, it's nice. I like meeting new people."

"No you don't." Sarah cuts you off, and you can tell it's not with bitter intentions.

"Not really, no." You cave and agree, laughing quietly.

"Rafe told me that. He said you didn't talk the first few days he knew you."

"That's not true." You laugh, correcting her quickly. "Not entirely. I was in shock, I guess."

Sarah shrugs, dropping your arm as you reach the bar. Before either of you say anything the bartender, an avox clad in the standard red uniform, places two drinks in front of you.

"Thank you." You smile, lifting the glass. They just nod and quickly move on as Sarah grabs her drink as well.

You sneak off into a somewhat quiet corner, where you can sit and talk without too many people overhearing. "Rafe speaks very highly of you, I was looking forward to meeting you." You offer as you both sit down at an empty couch.

"Now that," Sarah laughs, coughing slightly on her drink. "Is a shock."

"What?" You laugh. "No way, he loves you."

"No." Sarah shakes her head, gesturing across the room to where she's spotted her family. "He loves Wheezie. I'm just around."

You look over to where she pointed, seeing Rafe standing with his sister as they discreetly jab each other in the side while Ward is talking to yet another "important" friend. Rafe is trying to hide his smile, keep it professional, but he's cracking.

"He loves you too. Just as much." You insist. "Are you open to my theory?" You ask, looking at her as she returns her gaze to you, raising a questioning brow.

"Please." She tilts her glass toward you, urging you to continue.

"I think you guys are a lot alike. And that scares him because he doesn't want you to be like him." You say confidently, polishing off the statement with a sip of the champagne in your hand.

"That..." Sarah takes a drink before continuing. "Is not an entirely bad theory."

"Are you going to volunteer?" You ask, deciding to get right to it. Sarah doesn't seem like the type to dance around what she wants to say, she's confident in every statement she makes. She truly does remind you of Rafe when you first met him.

"Did Rafe ask you to talk me out of it?"

"No. I offered." You reply honestly. "But really I'm just curious. He does tend to be kind of biased these days."

"I see." Sarah nods, thinking on it for a moment. "Tell him I haven't decided yet."

"I have two sisters, both your age and Wheezie's, but I also have an older brother. I see myself in both of you." You explain. "I think you should do what feels right to you. Not to Rafe and me, or to Ward, or to anyone, really. But if you did ask me, I would tell you I would volunteer again somehow if it meant sparing my sisters. I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

Sarah listens to you intently. Whether her reaction shows it or not, you can tell she's really thinking about it. That's all you could ask for. "All the fame and the money it could bring your family isn't worth Wheezie's life, so why would it be worth yours?" You add.

"Would you give it up now if it meant you would have never met my brother?" She follows up with a simple question, but it stumps you.

"I don't know." You answer honestly, watching him again across the room. "But he was the only good thing to come out of it."

The air is warm in the Capitol, and you're not sure whether to attribute that to the humidity of polluted and stuffed air, or the several fire features decorating the President's property lawn where you're attending yet another party in your honour. It feels far from welcoming.

You can't bring yourself to drink, despite how tempting it is to drown out the evening in bottles of whatever alcohol they're handing out on seemingly endless trays of crystal glasses.

You're clinging to Rafe's arm, accepting compliments from people who look like they've never known any kind of trauma in their lives. The way the Capitol elite feel entitled to every detail of your life makes you nauseous.

"Thank you everyone for coming." The President's voice is booming suddenly over speakers you can't see, and everyone's attention is drawn to where he's standing on the balcony overlooking the property. "It is my honour to host our most recent victors here with us tonight, Rafe Cameron and Y/N Y/L/N!" He stops to allow applause as you smile awkwardly and nod to those around you, waiting anxiously for him to continue. You just want to get this over with.

"Your love story has been an inspiration to us all, and I'd like to raise a toast to your success and to your happiness." People around you congratulate you, and you lean your head onto Rafe's shoulder, squeezing his arm.

"President Snow would like to see you both in his office." A peacekeeper says, appearing out of nowhere and gently escorting you into the building.

"What do you think this is about?" You whisper as you reach a blocked-off hallway.

"I don't know." Rafe mumbles back. He has a good idea though, to him toast sounded more like a threat than a celebration. "Just... let me handle it. Okay?"

You just nod, stopping behind the peacekeeper at a big wooden door. He nods, gesturing that you enter.

"Have a seat." Snow offers, and Rafe pulls out your chair for you, deciding that he would stand. "Thank you for coming."

"We were in the area." Rafe replies impatiently. "What can we do for you?"

"I wanted to discuss our agreement one more time, since clearly, the two of you were left a little confused." Snow says, resting his hands on the desk that sits between you.

"The money was a show of good faith." Rafe replies, resting his hand on your shoulder.

"To you, maybe, but to them, it is a sign that you are on their side." The President corrects. "You are not one of them. Not anymore. If they believe that you are, that they have people with power on their side, the uprisings will continue and the death toll will be catastrophic. I have a feeling that both Districts One and Five will not recover."

You bite your tongue, keeping your eyes locked on the rose sitting in front of you on the desk. "I think there is no use in giving the people of Panem false hope, because you do not have the power you think you do. You are not invincible. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." You nod softly, anxious to leave.

"Go enjoy the party. After all, it's all for you." Snow dismisses you, and neither of you are in a position to argue.

Leaving the Capitol again was a relief, especially with the promise that a train would be made available to either of you as you wished to travel exclusively between your home Districts. Not that you would particularly want to travel anywhere else, anyway.

Rafe had a preference for coming to visit you, despite your home being much smaller than his. And much more crowded, but he didn't mind. Having a home full of sounds felt much more welcoming to him, even if he was only there for a weekend here and there. He had sisters to look after as well.

In all those months, he came down twice a month, and you looked forward to it every time. Everything was so normal, besides the interviews you did every so often, just to show everyone how happy you were thanks to the "generosity" of the Capitol, and that's a story you're more than pleased to stick with if it means keeping your families safe.

"It isn't far, right? Because I'm too out of shape for a long hike." Rafe jokes, letting you pull him by the hand through a wooded area not far from your house.

"Oh please, you could do it in your sleep." You laugh, shaking your head. "But no, if you must spoil the surprise, it's not far."

Rafe follows you silently, smiling as he watches you beat your way through a slightly overgrown path. The image flickers in his mind of you in your windbreaker, hair tied back around itself to keep it away from your eyes as you run through the bushes in the arena.

"Here, look." You interrupt his thought process with a jolt, the sunlight blinding him as you push past a final branch and hold it out of his way. "Behold, the pride and joy of District Five." You smile, gesturing out over the cliffside.

"Oh, wow."

"Isn't it pretty?" You ask, dropping his hand to walk closer to the edge overlooking the large dam. "All the electricity in all of Panem comes from here."

"I didn't expect it to be so... scenic." Rafe says, joining you closer to the edge as you sit down.

"Yeah, it's pretty." You agree, crossing your legs. "My dad worked in there for years, he just retired. My brother works there now."

"I can imagine." Rafe says, tearing his eyes away from the depth of the ravine in front of him to look at you. You look so at home here, he can tell by how you're hunched over so casually tossing pebbles off the cliff that must be a thousand feet deep. Even then, you're not scared. "Do you come here a lot?"

"Is that a pickup line?" You giggle, leaning back on your palms as you look over at him.

"Well, no, but would it work?" He smirks, placing his hand over yours as he matches your position.

"Only because it's you." You laugh, shaking your head.

"That was the correct answer." Rafe chuckles, looking back down at the giant damn that's filtering water through, powering his family's mansion back home. He thinks of all the hours your dad put in, sometimes sixteen-hour days he recalls him sharing, that he was working in the power plant to keep the lights on at Rafe's kitchen table where he sat with his dad and his sisters rarely uttering a word. The same hours your brother is working now.

"How do you feel about this mentor thing?" You ask out of nowhere. "We start soon."

"I don't know. It'll be weird to be working against you." Rafe replies.

"Don't think of it like that. Besides, what was it you told me, that you have a whole team of them? You probably can just sit back and watch them work." You say, trying to raise his spirits a bit. "That gives us more time to visit."

"I feel like 'visit' is a strong word." Rafe laughs. "Hopefully it'll be more than that." He says, moving over to wrap his arm tightly around your waist, kissing your cheek.

"That would be nice." You agree with a sigh. "I don't know, I just don't know what kind of advice to give. What, find someone you trust? I think we just got lucky."

"You'll be the best mentor." Rafe insists. "I wish I had you."

"I wish we hadn't needed one. I don't want to see kids come through year after year and watch them die. I wish I could make it stop, it all seems so pointless."

"It's about control. They'll never give that up." Rafe shakes his head. "So don't think for a second it's your fault."

"I know... It's just so complicated."

"I'm glad it brought me to you, though."

You smile, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"Hey!" You're startled by a voice behind you, both of you standing up quickly. "You have to come back." Your brother says, chest heaving from his exertion of running all the way up the hillside.

Rafe relaxes from where he placed himself in front of you at the sound, letting you step in front of him. "What happened?" You ask, seeing the look on his face.

"There's been an announcement." He answers, laboured breathing starting to return to normal. "About the games."

The two of you follow him in silence all the way back, anxiety in both of you spiking after your brother wouldn't answer any more questions. When you walk into the house, you're met with a paused TV, your parents on the couch, and your sister with tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes. "What happened?" You ask again, hoping to get some answers.

Rafe pulls you close to himself after shutting the front door, leading you into the living room. "Here, um, have a seat, kids." Your mom says, hardly audible as you sit down.

She wipes her eyes as your dad presses play on the television, and it's a rewound clip of the news. Rafe wraps a shaky arm around you on the couch as Caesar Flickerman starts speaking.

"We have a unique announcement today regarding the upcoming, highly anticipated, Seventy-Sixth annual Hunger Games." He starts, and you get tunnel vision as you stare at the screen. "This is a twist no one saw coming on the heels of last year's Quarter-Quell, but President Snow has decided there will be a permanent change in the rules. From now on, any victor remaining under the age of eighteen will once again be eligible for the reaping."

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr, @chenslucy, @hxnnah-397, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @tahliac11, @saccharinesammie, @ietss, @maybankslover @redhead1180, @suzyheartsrafe, @wpdailyminimeta, @aegons-bitch, @rafegirly, @lovelyxtommy, @dee127, @r1vrsefx, @gillybear17, @flonkertn, @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles, @thelomlisrafecameron

#rafe cameron #obx fanfic #outer banks #rafe obx #rafe fic #rafe fanfiction #obx #rafe x reader #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron x reader #rafe imagine #rafe outer banks #rafe x you #obx fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron x you

267 notes · View notes

notroosterbradshaw · 1 year ago

Text

slow dancing in a burning room - six

word count: 5.5k

warnings: nsfw 18+, smut, language, angst.

part of: The Boyfriend Experience universe

a/n: well, they're broken. it's unceremonious and it's real and they're hurting so deeply, coping in ways only they know... the wrong way. You're here to meet Bad Choice Bradley, I presume? I hope you enjoy it. thanks to those who read, reblogged and commented on previous chapters. you’re doing god’s work. I truly appreciate all the effort you make to show your support and if you like it… please comment and reblog it! x

five.two

“Rooster,” Annie smiled before him, Ava strapped to her chest in her baby carrier sleeping peacefully.

Bradley felt his poor, old heart sink because he’d done so well to now avoiding you and your family since everything blew the fuck up in your relationship. It was a small town and the more you tried to avoid someone, the more likely they were to cross your path. “Ann,” he gave a slight smile. “How you doin'?”

“Morning coffee brings me back to life after a rough night,” she reported. “Not on base today? Look at the beard,” you said, fondly as he realised Annie didn't have a clue.

“No,” he bit back the sour taste in his mouth. Obviously you’d not told your family about his pending trial… and in a way, he guessed he was thankful. It probably brought a certain amount of embarrassment to you, if he thought about it truthfully, given Viper and the respect he still commanded at work and from the locals. You didn’t need his bullshit on your shoulders. "Few more weeks to myself. Just finished my run,” he said even though it appeared the most obvious thing in the world. Shorts, runners, Navy tank glued to him, sweating from top to toe from morning humidity.

He just wanted to get his coffee and head home to shower. He should have just forgone the fucking caffeine. He had a perfectly good coffee machine at home for Christ’s sake. He cursed the fact you introduced him to this coffee shop and he knew, eventually he’d see you here, but he’d been so smart. He knew your work schedule and now, he was always the first in line when he knew your first classes for the day were clocking over. He was no dummy - sure, he had his moments when his head was stuck up his ass, but caffeine was his drug of choice and after you’d secretly revealed to him the best in the town and he was addicted. “Lucky. You just missed her…” Annie told him softly, nodding off in the direction towards work... his villa was in the opposite direction and taunting him and his poor choices.

He hummed, unreadable. “Did I?” He was pleased with the relief that washed over him. It was such a non-committal response and he knew he owed Annie so much better. Annie wasn't the cause of his recurring cycle of problems. But shit, he was so good at making his problems... everyone’s.

“Loves her morning coffee,” Annie waved her reusable cup towards him, and gee, it was so awkward. Rooster nodded, pleased that he wasn’t the only uncomfortable one in this conversation. Even Annie, usually outgoing, funny Annie, seemed completely out of character with her current word vomit.

And though he was desperate to, he would not ask after you because he knew there was no way you could feel as awful as he did but he forced it out anyway. “How is she, Annie?” he tried to hide the sadness in his voice, but it was impossible. He was so desperate to catch even the slightest whisper about you - whether it was Annie, Phoenix or any other mutual acquaintances. The radio silence was quietly killing him.

After a beat, Annie replied warily, “A wreck. Not that she’d ever let us know. We’re not seeing hell a lot of her so that kind of speaks for itself, I guess. Or it's exactly what she wants, I don't know," she rambled because Bradley could see Annie didn't know what to do to help you, and that hurt him more. The frustration in the air was paramount. The people you were once closest to now the one furthest at arm's length and he knew that was because of him.

“Right,” he replied, forcing a lack of interest in his voice. He didn’t want to sound emotional that you were upset, but he certainly didn’t want to feel sad for you for the decision that you made. Bradley needed you to know that you were feeling the way you were feeling for what you decided to drag you both through. He wanted to work things out, he didn't want either of you to be hurting like this - “Sorry to hear that.” He shrugged, knowing how cold it sounded and the surprise on Annie's face telling the story. What the fuck else was he supposed to say?

All the texts he'd sent bounced, and he knew you'd blocked him - what was the use of calling? He considered sending flowers, champagne, fucking skywrite if it got your attention, but all his desperate ways for your attention would fall on deaf ears. And as desperate as he was to go to you, knock on your door and hold you until reason came back into that smart brain of yours, he knew for now, you simply needed your time. He just hoped it wasn't forever.

“So... how are you?” Annie asked, welcomingly changing the subject.

He shrugged, sipping his coffee. He didn't feel like admitting he was about to head home, shower and see his JAG. It just didn't feel like it could roll off his tongue properly without the rest of his life crashing around him. He’d been so good to protect his façade and damn, he lied so easily. It was his most hated personality trait and he wished he could stop it, but sometimes it was just easier. “PT,” he lied, but he knew fully well Annie didn’t care for his physical recovery - she had good intentions but he knew she wanted to pry into his convoluted, messed up brain, see if he was as tragically missing her sister, if he was as tormented as you were.

Dissect and get into the deepest, darkest crevices.

But Bradley would never tell. There were enough people trying to get in there as it was. And right now he wasn’t going to give anyone the benefit of that bullshit. That hurt stayed with him, no matter the cost. It motivated him, got him through the day to be better, stronger, harder and he wasn't letting his guard down for anyone, not Annie, not Phoenix, not Mav.

Not you. No one.

“That’s fantastic,” she said as Ava wriggled against her, waking. “I’m glad for you, Rooster,” Annie bobbed to settle the little one, whining and probably ready for her morning feed. "You need your head in the clouds."

If that ever happened again.

“She got big,” Rooster said, keenly changing the subject and turning his attention to Ava. He reached for her her little hand and Ava wrapped her chubby little palm against his pointer. Bradley knew even if kids weren't in his future, the future he had quietly hoped to share with you, this was a cute kid and it only reminded him of you when you were playing World’s Greatest Aunty and putting the idea in his head that maybe… yeah, he could get the family he always wanted with you. It was going to take more to desensitise himself, he realised.

“They do that,” Annie said, with a gentle smile. “Way too quickly. I feel like she's minutes away from rolling, crawling, and then up and walking out to college."

And Rooster laughed, because there was Annie, the Annie he grew up with. They both needed that little break in the terse. "I hope not that fast," he gently pressed a kiss on Ava's knuckles and loosened his finger, free again.

"Well, I’d better get her home for some food and start our day. Good to see you, Rooster,” she gave him a small smile. “If you need anything, call me, okay? Don’t be a stranger.”

Bradley did the cordial thing and nodded. “Will do. See ya around, Annie," he said, not waiting for a dragged out goodbye and heading in the other direction. He had a house to start bringing back to life even if he had fallen apart in every other way.

It had been about month since you and Bradley… yeah. Since then. Things had been fairly busy for you, you’d stayed to yourself, regardless of nagging from your family, some other friends who wanted to claim your time now you were single again and, of course, Natasha. She was shipping out in a few days and wanted to have a drink but the last place you’d be caught dead at was The fucking Hard Deck. Reassuring everyone you were good, or okay, was next to useless. No one believed you anyway.

You'd kept yourself busy. The apartment needed to be unpacked again, with no time like the present, a perfect time to purge and it felt so much better in your small part of the world that you’d rid yourself of those little things you simply didn’t need anymore. Clothes, kitchenwares, changed up the orientation of the bedroom, indulging and confusing yourself with feng shui and vastu shastra on household karma/good vibes among other things.

But you really did feel lighter. You built a cute study nook for your business stuff. You and Bradley had planned to use one of the rooms in the Bradshaw place, giving you more time to work from home, instead of staying later after classes to do your never-ending small business accounting.

But that wasn’t the case now and you had all the time in the world.

“Fuck, Nat. Stop,” you muttered to yourself, scarfing down some leftovers for dinner. It was late and frankly, you had little to no interest in heading out, even if it was to a venue of your choice. You had to give Natasha credit: she was trying so hard to release you from your self-imposed imprisonment. You know what you were up for - 20 questions about how you were coping. You'd be lying to say you weren't worried about his impending trial and were curious to reach out. But it probably would just distract him and he didn’t need that. You were sure it was this week or next.

Maybe you would get Grandpa to contact Bradley?

But as far as you were concerned, Bradley seemed to be doing just fine. Like you’d agreed, you didn’t need each other anyway. Besides, he hadn't contacted you - and you hadn't let him after yep, taking the high road and blocking him. Maybe he needed this more than you did, you tried to reason with yourself. A guy like him didn't deserve to be tied down with someone who had the baggage you did. He deserved better.

You tossed your fork on the plate, suddenly not hungry for the stir fry you were desperate for only minutes earlier although the need to get tiddly didn't sound terrible at all.

Enjoying his quiet drink, Rooster knew his time was running out as Phoenix sidled her way to him, a fair smile on her face. Unreadable, and God, he hated that. “Didn’t know you were coming out tonight,” she commented, as she put two beers on Payback’s tab, placing one before Bradley.

She followed his gaze to the pretty woman across the bar, making pathetic doe eyes and suggestive overtones with her beer bottle and tongue. Natasha would never get used to it. And sadly, Rooster seemed pretty into it, for what she could gather. “Know her?” Phoenix asked as Rooster’s lip quirked and he stumbled to find an undefined answer.

Truth be told, yeah. Rooster did know her. Not super well, but well enough to remember how into him she seemed as she led him back to her place last week, the first person he’d fucked since… and, he supposed, it was fine. It was good, she was eager to please and she had zeroed in on him the minute he walked in last week and again tonight. Rooster didn’t generally put his boots under the same bed twice, but he lately wasn’t feeling particularly fussy. He did ask himself if there was a supposed grieving period for how long he should probably wait before getting into the game again but his brain (and Hangman) told him what he needed to hear.

Fuck her.

“Oh, Rooster, no. You slept with her?” Natasha asked, the disappointment dripped from her voice and Bradley felt about three feet tall.

“Oh, fuck this,” he bemoaned. “She broke up with me, I have to be celibate too?” he asked. It seemed so rehearsed and he didn't lie but he knew the shit he was going to cop for spending time with any woman that wasn’t you.

Natasha sighed. “No, I guess not.”

“Believe it or not, I can fuck who and when I want, Phoenix,” he gruffly reminded her. "You don't get to dictate."

“No, you’re right,” she agreed. Who was she to argue? She was desperate for her friends to get over this little ‘blip’, but seeing you separately and the hurt you’d both caused each other, she began to wonder if this blip as she'd hopefully referred to is as was really the end of what could have been the best thing that happened to both of you.

You were no longer a couple. Rooster had moved into his parents' old place alone and seemed to be enjoying taking to it with a sledgehammer. You were doing your usual MO when things went sour – you didn’t answer calls, and rarely responded to texts before anyway. You were working and looking at growing the business, so it was the best excuse in the books not to come to the bar, a surefire way of making sure she didn’t pump into Bradley.

“I can’t see him, Nat. He was the love of my life. And not being able to touch him, kiss him, laugh with him? It would just kill me,” you had told her sadly, week’s earlier when Natasha came over unannounced and sporting Thai food and rosé.

“What is so fucking funny is that I keep hearing how badly she is doing, yet no one gives a flying fuck that maybe, just maybe, I’m going through it too," Bradley muttered, Natasha surprise crossing her face as he continued, "Nat, we were moving in together. But it’s over now,” he poured what was left of his beer down his throat, knowing that coming out tonight was not his wisest idea. Bad Choice Bradley was bubbling in his bloodstream and frankly, he didn't mind if he escaped. He was so sick of doing everything by the rules, but where had that gotten him? Absolutely no-fucking-where. Jobless and Loveless. “And for the record?” he hissed purposefully to Natasha. “I was in that fuckin’ relationship too. I didn't call time.”

“Okay, okay,” she said softly. “I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re wholeheartedly allowed to feel that way. We just don’t see you… as down about it,” she used her words carefully.

“It was weeks ago,” he sniped.

“It wasn’t that long - ”

“Jesus, Phoenix. She was the fucking love of my life,” he hissed. "I wanted to work this out. She blocked my number, she wants nothing to do with me."

Natasha held her palm towards his chest but didn’t dare touch him, she could feel the heat, the anger reverberating off him. “Okay, I agree. I’m sorry, I know you’re hurting, buddy. And I’ve let you down.”

He frowned and paused. “What are you talking about?”

“This isn’t just the breakup, Rooster,” Natasha said, adjusting her posture to stand with him and continuing before she could let up. “Everything has been a bit of a shitstorm. Your past is always following you around, you were part of a suicide mission that almost got you killed and now you’re waiting for trial and I should have been doing more to make sure you were okay with that."

And for the moment, Bradley was silenced and frown in reply.

"Are you still seeing the shrink?”

He huffed out a breath, replacing his beer eagerly with the one Natasha had slid towards him. He didn’t need this holier-than-thou bullshit where Natasha got to try and save him to be really honest. He just gazed back at her, now unreadable.

“Isn’t it mandatory?” she pressed lightly. “You should really be talking to someone – ”

“I’m still going, I’m hating it. If I don’t get clearance from the shrink, I never get in my jet again regardless of how the trial plays itself out. Satisfied?” he rolled his eyes. “See ya later, Phoenix,” he said, leaving his her side and heading over to his new friend, who greeted him with a tender kiss on the side of his mouth, and while he wasn’t repulsed, you used to do that to him, and he didn’t like it half as much as he used to.

“Didn’t think you were going to come over and say hi, Rooster.”

“I’m here with friends,” he admitted, whom he’s just ditched to come over here and line up an easy lay for the night.

“You wanna dance?”

He nodded, a small grin gracing his features that didn’t quite make it to his eyes. “Yeah, lemme hit the bathroom first really quick, okay?”

“Sure,” she smiled as he grasped her forearm, gave the easy smoulder and disappeared. And she, with the name he couldn’t recall (but really wanted to), devotedly followed moments later. Messy, unplanned bar head wasn’t on his bingo card for the night, but he’d surely take it. He tried to be surprised when she cornered him into the stall and undid the few top buttons on her shirt, her breasts brushing against his chest as she groped his half-hard cock and played with the zip on his jeans before letting her soft, warm palm slide beneath his boxer briefs. His breathing immediately shallow because her hand was better than his hand and she sank to her knees and licked her lips, she didn't give an ounce of hesitation to take him deep.

He guessed he never really had to work hard to get what he wanted.

And he couldn’t hate himself more for it, because he compared everything to you. The way your big, beautiful eyes would peer up at him, begging for reassurance you were pleasing him, giving everything he deserved and more, your delicate strands he’d mess his long fingers into… it wasn’t the same but he came deep in the back of her throat that she swallowed and tidied up devoutly and he kind of wanted to be sick. But as she did that thing with her tongue, he wanted to cum so badly, as she gripped his thighs to keep her balance, he regarded her, knowing this wasn’t a woman he could fall in love with. He would only ever love one woman and right now, she wanted nothing to do with him.

He shook the notion from his head, concentrating on how silky her tongue caressed the head of his cock and remembered this didn’t happen all the time and to enjoy it as he thrust into her face, closing his eyes and imagining you again, getting him over the line as he knotted his fingers in her hair and fucked her face. Seeing you and those pretty sounds you’d make gagging on his cock, deep as you possibly could and what you couldn’t, pumping in your delicate palms.

He grunted as he came in wild spurts down her throat until he was spent and watched as she tidied him up, sweetly placing his softening dick back in his boxers and pulling his jeans back into place, sweetly caressing his throbbing groin.

With a quiet laugh, he helped her to her feet, cupping her chin a little rough. "You didn't need to do that, you know?"

"No," she agreed. "But you tasted so good time, I couldn't wait for more."

Bradley blushed, mostly ashamed. He certainly had nothing to be proud about. “I’ll be right out…” he said to her and she nodded and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her lipstick was improper, her hair was well and truly a mess. Just how he liked it… if it was you. And he knew she would run out to tell her friends exactly what had happened, darting out alone.

Rooster looked at himself in the mirror, taking in his reflection and rubbed his tired face. “Who the fuck are you, Bradshaw?” he accused himself. He took a deep breath, ran his hands under the cool water, washed his palms then splashed some water on his flushed face. “Jesus,” he muttered to himself before inhaling sharply and straightening up.

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck,” Natasha muttered to herself as Bob caught wind of her strife and looked up from his peanuts, concerned for his friend. "Fuckkk."

“What’s up, partner?” he asked, perplexed. She lifted her phone and the text you’d just sent. “Oh,” Bob said, adjusting his glasses, a trait he did constantly as he grew nervous. “That is… that is not good.”

“No…” Natasha agreed, casting her gaze to find Rooster, but he was nowhere to be found. “Shit.”

Rooster had spotted his new friend with her group and gave a slight nudge towards the exit when she caught his eye. Excitedly, she gave a wink back as her friends gave her teasing words of encouragement but Rooster didn’t care. He just needed to get out of there.

The bar was stifling and he didn’t feel like Phoenix’s third degree on his life choices anymore. He wasn’t a dickhead – he was well aware he was making poor decisions. Bad Choice Bradley. But this wasn’t his first one lately, and it certainly wouldn’t be his last.

Darting through the throng of officers and civilians, he made a beeline for the door, thrusting it open, and he’d be lying to say in his frustration, there was some heat and malice behind it.

“Jesus, goddammit,” the voice hissed on the other side, the heavy door hitting a patron on the other side trying to enter. Rooster tried to catch them, almost knocking them to the ground in the process and he couldn't believe his dumb luck that it was you who were on the other side as he tried to phantom his escape. You skipped backwards quickly as Rooster yanked the door back, trying to stop its force. His face paled when he realised just who it was he’d almost knocked off their feet.

He whispered your name, and you’d swear you had seen a ghost. “Shit, I’m so fuckin' sorry," he said, the recognition all over his face as he took you in, scared and studying you.

"Shit," you muttered. Bradley could hear the pain in your voice, whether it was through injury or just disgruntled, he couldn't be sure. “Hey,” you said nervously. This was not how you wanted to see him for the first time since you’d broken up.

“I was just leaving,” he explained, reminding you the door had walloped you in the elbow and you rubbed it in recollection, a gentle thrum from its impact. He looked back over his shoulder. “Shit, I’m so sorry,” he said again. He so badly wanted to reach out and kiss your injury better. The injury he caused, and he loathed himself for it. “How bad I get you?” he asked softly, taking a step closer.

Before he got closer, you closed in on yourself and covered the sting in your elbow with a step or two. “It’s fine, Brad – Rooster. It’s no worries,” you reassured him, flippantly. Your body language told him everything he needed to know. He was flatlining.

He nodded slowly, saddened at how you recoiled from him. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

“Okay. Sorry, huh?”

“It’s fine really,” you said as a pretty young thing wandered out. She joined Bradley on his hip and you didn’t miss how her hand curved into his elbow and how his face changed, the guilt masking his handsome features. She looked back at you both expectedly.

“Ready to go, Rooster?” she asked as he paused, gauging your response. He knew his timing was about as bad as it could be.

And yep, it looked exactly as it looked.

“Yeah. I’ll be just a minute,” he said, the embarrassment etched all over his skin as he ripped out your heart and toyed with it in his beautiful hands before you. His ears reddened and he licked his lips as she wandered away, calling back over her shoulder when she’d reached his Bronco. Well, she knew his car, maybe this wasn’t as new as it looked.

Yep, it looked exactly as it looked.

You’d thank Natasha personally for the warning in a moment - she probably wouldn't like it though. “Friend of yours?” you figured trying to balance your tone. Who were you to get upset at him? To Bradley Bradshaw, you were no one and that was what hurt the most.

“Something like that,” he admitted quietly.

Maybe you didn’t need that drink Nat promised. You needed Penny to drown you in the top shelf. “Nat’s waiting for me,” you explained to him. “Have a good night, Rooster,” you told him as he reluctantly pulled the door open for you to scurry under his strong, golden arm and get lost in the Friday night throng. He watched after you until he lost you.

Rooster ran his clammy palm over his face, he felt ill as he stepped away from the door. He wanted to be sick, he knew exactly how pathetic he looked. Why the fuck didn’t Natasha tell him you were coming? He would have hauled ass ages ago and without incident. He pulled his phone out and threw a brutal one-liner at her about giving him a head’s up next time and made his way to his car, where his friend/date/hook up/whoever was waiting with a bright grin.

“Thought you were gonna ditch me,” she laughed lightly, he could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“Look, I’m really sorry, but I’m not feeling too well right now, and I have a real early start tomorrow morning. Think we could take a rain check?” he asked, keeping a safe distance from her. She raised an eyebrow.

“You sure? Five minutes ago, you seemed really fucking into that blowjob in the bathroom,” she hissed at hime. And it was fine head, her lipstick was still smudged on his cock, he would always be appreciative of anyone giving him their best. But again, it wasn’t your pretty lips, nose desperately trying to nuzzle the soft hair at his happy trail, staring up at him like he possessed all the stars in the sky. God, he was truly beginning to hate himself and he missed your mouth, however smart it was, wrapped around his cock, giving him an earful... kissing him.

He shook his head dismally. “Look, I can’t do this, okay? M’sorry,” he unlocked the car, hopped into the driver’s seat and keyed the ignition, peeling out of the carpark to the allotment of insults and birds being hurled his way. It would be some time before he decided to venture back to The Hard Deck, which was probably best.

And deservingly so, he reminded himself. He'd take a few weeks off from the bar, he’d been through this before. Never go back to the scene of the crime, especially after one-night stands. He knew better, but it all seemed so easy tonight until you were before him and ruined everything.

He pulled into a car park, the ocean bustling before him and he sat for a moment, his palms latched onto the steering wheel, his knuckles white as the adrenaline of the night coursed through his veins. Taught and teetering, he stared out to the ocean, needing answers to all the questions in his messed up brain.

God, you looked so beautiful. You had done something different to your hair, not a lot, just subtle, but he noticed it, the scent of his favourite perfume, it was so ridiculously expensive but it was the only real fancy thing you afforded yourself even if you used it sparingly, that drifted off you and enveloped him. He remembered it on his pillows, it lasted for the week until the sheets were changed.

But your eyes… They told the story. Seeing each other was a shock to the system, but you just looked so upset when… fuck, whatever her name was made her presence known. Getting his phone from his pocket, he sighed and found your last texts to each other.

It was all so sweet.

You: I love you, big boy. Hurry home to me xxx

Bradley: Love you too. Lemme finish up and I’ll be right there x

He ignored the subsequent texts he tried to send that all bounced back. Now it all seemed like another world and another time.

“So, yeah, that was fun,” you told Natasha as she gave Penny the signal to keep lining the shots up.

“You okay, darlin’ heart?” Penny asked sadly. Not that she wanted to pry, but Live had asked her to keep an eye on you if and when she could and she didn’t know if your mother was really wanting to see how brokenhearted you were.

“I’m awful,” you confided, voice strong but powerful because if you didn’t talk about this, you’d sink into another one of those solitary states where you wallowed in the misery of your broken heart, you were going to explode. “I have ruined the best thing that has happened to me then I get to see him take a one-night stand home.”

In no world would Natasha tell you this wasn’t their first hook-up and tossed back one of the lined up shots to avoid putting her foot in her mouth. “He’s slipped back into old habits,” Natasha shuddered as the tequila burned. She wasn’t defending him, but it was what it was as Penny made some polite excuses to continue working. “He a fucking moron, all dudes are the same. Easy pussy, get their dicks wet. They should all be lobotomised," she raised her shot and you, Natasha and Penny whipped the shots back.

But Rooster Bradshaw owed you absolutely nothing. And he proved he knew it too.

“He talked to me like a stranger. He’s never spoken to me like that in thirty years.”

“What do you mean?”

“Has he said he’s missed me or anything?” you asked, sadly and as Natasha prepared to answer, you dismally added, “I’ve ruined everything because I was scared about all the wrong things. Nat, I’ve messed this up and I don’t know what to do to fix it.”

She nodded but she heard what she heard. “…do you want to fix it?”

“I can’t function without him. I am just bumbling along, missing him while he is recovering alone. He's about to stand trial... he needs support,” and you know fully well that Natasha, Penny, Mav and others had Bradley's back but you also knew there were only a few people he'd truly let help him. “Will you still be here for the trial?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be here… I’m a witness. It’s the day after tomorrow.”

“Can you tell me how it goes?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

“I can’t believe I gave all this up.”

She nodded. “I hate seeing you hurting like this.” Both of you, she wanted to add.

“Does he talk about me?” you asked quietly.

Phoenix sighed, she didn’t want to get into this. Anything he’d ever told her was done so in confidentiality. And while you were her great friend, he was too. Rooster didn't have many confidants. "I - "

“Natasha. Does Bradley want to fix us?” you raised your eyes, and Natasha saw the tears that threatened to spill.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. Only hours before he was talking about his latest conquest. She saw that woman follow him into the bathrooms but she had no idea where her friend stood, even if she knew you two were so much better together. She could tell you how angry about it he was. But there was no way that was going to help the situation even if she was desperate to say or do anything that could possibly help.

You shrugged and took another shot. “Whatever, he’s clearly moved on and I will just have to accept that. Another round?" you asked, a casual frown gracing your features and Natasha nodded.

"One more," she loaded the bar up and couldn’t imagine being in her plane tomorrow if this was how the night was going to go.

masterlist.

Big thanks as always to @gretagerwigsmuse for helping me get this fic over this line x

A/N: the tag list no longer exists. To keep up to date, give @notroosterbradshaw-library a follow x

192 notes · View notes

tactfullyinappropriate · 7 months ago

Text

This is part rant, part sex advice so read at your own discretion. Also one of those posts I'll get a lot of flak for.

In lesbian nsfw content on tumblr dot com one of the most prevalent sentiments is 'I want to pleasure my partner' (insert any variation on it) which is fair and all, and there are a lot of service tops around so it makes sense really. But. For some of us who have difficulty experiencing orgasm or even enjoying sex at all, making our pleasure the focal point of the experience is the absolute worst thing you could do.

It's a nice sentiment, I guess, but if it doesn't actually produce pleasure, is it really that nice? And before you come at me with 'some people really are just service tops and they get their pleasure from pleasuring their partner' - I get it, I do. As a top (or dom/me) you have the right to your preferences and you may absolutely refuse to tell your partner 'Your orgasm is inconsequential, I'm gonna fuck you anyway'. Not to mention that approach is verging on kinky and getting near mindfuck territory, which not every top (as in the person doing the penetration in this case) is comfortable with. Heck, not every dom/me is comfortable with that either - pretending to disregard your partner's pleasure can be a particular flavor of kink not everyone is into.

Buuut.. a lot of what I'm seeing here comes across more as a lack of real-world experience rather than a self-aware preference to focus on your partner's pleasure. Like for example, the amount of 'overstimulation' posts I'm seeing is just wildly disproportionate compared to the amount of women who can be forced to orgasm again and again, and again. This has never been my experience on either side of the dynamic, nor the experience of any of my friends or acquaintances. More often than not, women have trouble reaching a climax and can't really be "forced" into it.

Orgasms are not just a bodily sensation triggered by a certain type of mechanical stimulation. They require you to be in the right headspace as well. So if you actually want to bring about an orgasm, dropping the pressure may be (I want to say usually is) your best bet.

Look, I get it. I've been with women who come from a 2-minute clit rub. I didn't feel particularly accomplished with them... but they do exist! How wonderful for them and the people who just love pleasuring them. The rest of us however? 'Your pleasure is my pleasure' is the worst approach with us. Like, thanks, now if I don't come not only am I bruising your ego but also diminishing your pleasure? That's A LOT of pressure put on my fickle mental focus and unreliable vagina.

All of this is to say: it's fine to have your fantasies of overstimulating a partner to the point of incoherence. But be prepared that the reality of sex may be very, very different depending on how your partner's body and mind work. And sometimes, if your partner's pleasure really is that important to you, pretending it's the complete opposite might be the key to the castle - if you can get with that of course. Nothing's done a better job at helping me let go and experience actual pleasure than a partner's response to my 'I'm not sure if I can come though...':

"That's okay, baby. I don't need you to come for me to enjoy your body."

Um. Yes, Sir.

*I use the word 'woman' here purely based on my actual real-life experience so far but I'm sure this is applicable to a number of different identities. Even for some cis men orgasms are not as easy and effortless as porn makes it seem, I've been told.

74 notes · View notes

catghoul31 · 14 days ago

Text

Blood On Your Hands

Wade and Logan agree to hunt down the leaders of a powerful anti-mutant organization.

Logan recognizes their name from the mutant genocide they enabled in his original universe. Wade is more interested in the price tag.

How well does this go? Considering Day 2 of @poolverine-week is "job gone wrong"... take a wild guess.

Content Warnings: Heavy Violence and Gore

Read it under the cut or on ao3!

As soon as Wade opened his eyes, he found himself restrained upright to a metal lab bench. In front of him stood two particular individuals- the very ones he should’ve killed by now.

Unfortunately, there was no Logan to protect him. Wade had already failed to keep him out of their grimy hands, and his first instinct was to get out of here and save him. Being in need of saving himself did not help!!

And yes, their recent, uncharacteristically saccharine love declarations had just about everything to do with this. God, Wade wished that story was the reason this fic was rated M… but maybe he’d get to relive that lovely experience later. Right now, all he knew was that they’d gone on their first mission together once they’d realized they wanted a home for themselves- something far away from this cramped city, filled with reminders of Wade’s trauma, almost none of the wilderness his Wolvie craved, and corruption around every corner. So he’d taken a REALLY high-profile job in the vain hopes that the political fallout resulting from it wouldn’t matter, because the money they’d make from it- a SHITLOAD, by the way- would be enough for them to get the hell outta dodge anyways!

…Wade knew this wasn’t the best first team mission for him and Logan to go on, but the moment his partner had seen the name of the organization they were fighting against, which was some stupid anti-mutant group called “Orchis,” there was no stopping him from joining the mission. Apparently, these were the same guys who’d ruined Logan’s world by killing the X-Men!! He’d told Wade about how awful his life had been after that, and the way he’d tearfully blamed himself for the destruction of mutant-kind filled the merc with rage. How dare somebody do this to anyone?? It wasn’t his fault that these people were scum that thought they all deserved to die because of some stupid mutations, and he had a feeling that if they got through all the other X-Men that easily, it wouldn’t have mattered whether Logan was there or not.

Since Wade was all for vengeance, there was no way he could keep Logan from tasting the revenge against these fucks that he’d longed for. More importantly, killing them all would ensure that he wouldn’t ever have to go through the same pain in this universe. Wade knew there had to be a catch- because direct targets towards the heads of big organizations like this were usually filled with traps along the way- so he’d interrogated a politician for their true location before this. After he broke- and embarrassingly quickly, he’d say- Wade let Logan claw his head off!! He’d only promised the guy that he wouldn’t kill him, so he’d technically kept his promise!

A bit of boring traveling later, and the best mercenary duo ever had landed at the Fuckshit’s hidden base! Because seriously, who builds a power plant in the middle of a forest? It was Wade’s turn to do some killing, and once he’d beaten the hell out of the guards and sent them to the Void (courtesy of some “borrowed” equipment from the TVA… >:3c), they’d waltzed into a door leading to their labs, ready to kick some ass…

When suddenly, they were ambushed, and while Wade was distracted by the amount of decapitation he was indulging in- they went and locked Logan into the lab!! So Wade was kind of mad about that, and before he could bust that door open and torture whoever dared try hurting his honey badger, they’d knocked him out for just long enough to drag him up here.

So here he was. Marvel Jesus, pinned in a crucifixion pose- of all things!- and unable to kill the targets who were right in front of him. The targets… who had absolutely been the ones to set up this mission in the first place. So on top of Logan being in potentially mortal danger… they weren’t even gonna get paid for doing this. This was the worst fucking thing that could’ve happened, and Wade was PISSED.

“Oh, there you two are!!” Wade greeted, his friendly cadence so obviously fake. “Not sure why you needed me to kill you both off, but especially after that warm welcome you gave me back there, I think I deserve a bit of compensation for the job you gave me, hm? Maybe if you hand over some of your banking information, I might consider making this quick once I escape- AAGH!!” An assistant tazed him to try and get him to shut up, but his attempt was in vain. “Actually, scratch that last part. You just lost your chance to die painlessly- both of you!!”

“I’d simmer down, if I were you,” the snotty person in a lab coat- probably the lab director, if Wade had to guess- piped up. “Jeez, you weren’t lying when you said this guy liked talking, were you?” The old fart at his side nodded, glaring at Wade with cold, calculated contempt. “We don’t have to worry about what he has to say,” he said, the wrinkles on his face shifting in a nauseating way. And Wade though he looked like a ballsack!! “What matters is what he- what both of them- have to offer us…”

Wade’s eyes narrowed through his mask, and both of his bound hands stuck their middle fingers up. One “fuck you” for each of them! Wasn’t Wade so thoughtful? “Don’t care, didn’t ask, everybody just wants to see you two dead. We’ll get there, reader, don’t you worry!!” he snapped back, winking towards the general direction the screen you were reading this off of. “I bet you just separated us because you’re both a bunch of scaredy cats! What is it, can’t handle two guys burying their weapons inside you at once?? I’ll be gentle, sweethearts, don’t you worry-” He was zapped for that once again, and both of his targets wrinkled their noses in disgust at his words.

“Dear God, what the hell is he even talking about? Are you sure you want to experiment on him?? He’s just gonna keep saying horrid shit like this…” The science-y scumbag nodded his head insistently, gesturing at him to stop reacting to whatever Wade was saying. He was right, though, and they knew it!! “…Whatever. I wasn’t going to do this, but since we have our hands on both of you now, I’ll propose an offer to you.”

“Pfft- come on, you think I’m gonna believe a single word that comes out of your mouth, Mr. Dingleberry-?“

He jabbed a finger into Wade’s sternum firmly, cutting his words off with a wince. “If you say another word, I’ll have you both killed- and Logan’s dying first, I hope you know that. The fact that you’re not dead yet is an incredible act of mercy on my part, Mr. Wilson, because you are truly a disgusting individual. So shut-“ Jab. “The fuck. ” Another, even firmer jab- and he didn’t even have the courtesy to stick that finger in his mouth? “ Up. Am I clear?”

Wade nodded pointedly, still glaring daggers at this slimy boss-man. They still hadn’t done shit to guarantee his compliance- and they never would. He’d only accept two outcomes today- him and Logan killed these two and everyone else in the building, or they escaped with their lives. Fuck whatever Orchis “wanted from them.”

“Okay! Good. As you’ve probably guessed by now, we’re incredibly interested in your and Logan’s healing factor. Actually, I think you’d be far more willing to work with us if you realized how painful the experiments we had in mind are. Would you mind getting the camera feed running for Wade?” The lab assistant nodded, running to grab a TV on a rolling stand. Ooh, were they having indoor recess today?? Hell yeah, Wade loved Bill Nye!

…He turned the channel to the lab feed for the floor beneath him, and Wade’s blood ran cold. Smack dab in the middle of the screen was Logan, tied to a metal table and struggling as several researchers surrounded him. One of them was filling a syringe up with something- Wade tried to turn away, prevent himself from seeing what was about to happen, but his eyes kept drifting to Logan. He was way easier on the eyes than anybody in this room… and he almost looked afraid? Oh, if they hurt him, there would be hell to pay for everyone in this horrible place. Anyone even adjacent to this organization would be dropping like flies left and right once he escaped.

“Hm, looks like he’s still struggling. I know it hasn’t sunk in for either of you yet- but neither of you are leaving until you come to a decision on who we should experiment on. Really, having two mutants with the same healing factor to experiment on is redundant, don’t you think? A waste of resources, I’d say.” The bastard fucking smirked at him, like he was asking Wade to crush his head like a watermelon in a hydraulic press. “So how about this? We’ll cease all of our pending experiments on Logan right now if you agree to let us run some experiments on you. Or vice versa- you could leave, and Logan is our test subject instead- but this is the best-case scenario, I’d say! At least Logan has something to offer society outside of these four walls, no matter how… aggressive he is.”

Well, Wade, he’s not wrong. You are a filthy killer. Yeah! And Logan wouldn’t even be there right now if we didn’t want that money so badly! God, of course the voices would be a thing that bothered Wade in this fanfic. Just another thing to add to the misery pile! Maybe the experiments wouldn’t kill him, but Logan? The thought of him living while Logan was killed- just after he’d promised to protect him from these bastards, no matter the cost- made him nauseous. But there was just one problem with their argument…

“…I don’t know if you’re seeing what I’m seeing- but they’ve already started hooking Logan up to shit in there!!” Wade nearly screamed, thrashing against his restraints as he saw a needle line get put into one of his arms. “Looks like it’s a bit too late to make my decision now, huh?? Unless my ears deceived me, you said those experiments were pending!! Or is that just your dementia kicking in, Grandpa??” Every word Wade spat at them was drenched in hate- Weapon X was filled with scumbags, sure, but these anti-mutant activists were even worse in his eyes. Hating people like him, when nobody ever asked to be born or made like this… it made his blood boil.

The lab director scoffed at his outburst, waving off his concerns. “What we’re doing to Logan right now is completely reversible! The point of no return, though, is when we actually start draining his healing factor from his body.” Wade froze, because- what?? How the fuck was that supposed to work- how were they planning on draining a GENE MUTATION from them?! That was in every cell of Wade’s body, so they’d basically have to liquefy him to “extract” his healing factor- and he’d still be alive!!

“That’s not how mutations work!! That’s not how anything works, you fucking idiot…”

“You’re talking like you know anything about this, Wade… Rest assured, you very much don’t. Seriously, though, I know what my boss has said about you, but I really think you should stay here with us… Your mutation might be the most fascinating one I’ve ever heard of!” Suddenly, Wade felt his mask being tugged off, his head restraint loosened along with it so he could see the researcher grimace at the gnarly skin revealed from beneath it. And that’s our good side, too!!

“I’m sure if you stayed with us, we could keep you here for years… Not only would we be protecting society from your wrath, but all of our findings could likely cure so, so many diseases in humans! And you could rest easy, knowing your decision saved Logan’s life… Doesn’t that sound great?”

No!! No it didn’t. None of this was fair, and Wade hated this plan more and more with every word they said. He had to choose between abandoning Logan and letting him die here or being trapped in another horrible lab to be tortured daily for God knows how long…? Neither of those options were acceptable- he didn’t want the best person in his life ripped away from him just after they’d become an item!! He wouldn’t- couldn’t do this again. At that point- when he swore he could hear Logan whimper in the camera feed- Wade knew he’d have to find another way out of there.

He wouldn’t be giving these fucks a single inch, because there was no doubt in his mind that they’d take a thousand miles in return.

“…This is some way to thank the people who saved your entire universe. Just so you know,” Wade snarked, really making sure to put on his mean face now. They wanted to see his nasty side? Oh, they’d be getting it. Clearly, it got the elderly boss’s attention, as his eyes widened at the assertion. “Excuse me…?”

“Yeah!!” Wade yelled triumphantly. “That’s the entire reason you have Wolverine to begin with. I’m not sure if you were too busy killing some innocent mutants to notice, but our Logan is DEAD!! I had to find another Wolverine from another universe to stabilize our world, and WE both stopped the TVA- and some Cassandra wackjob from the Void- from ripping apart the universe and erasing ALL OF YOU from existence…”

Wade took a moment to catch his breath, having put every ounce of energy trying to appeal to what little empathy was left in those shriveled hearts of theirs. In the background, Logan’s begging nearly destroyed his composure- “I don’t fucking care what you do to me. Keep your filthy hands off of Wade!!”

“…So maybe you could at least thank us before you kill us, hm? Our movie did make over a billion dollars at the box office, you might wanna watch it!”

At first, he was met with silence. Then he heard a snort from the old guy- and just like that, he was being laughed at, as if what he’d just said meant literally nothing. “Oh Lord- did you honestly think we’d buy that?? Y-You’re completely delusional!! There’s no way!!” he said in between uncontrolled cackling. Wade didn’t think he’d ever been this pissed off at anybody since he’d killed Francis, but good god, they were pushing it.

“You’re not a hero, Wade. You never have been, and you never will be.” Oh, great, another speech! Wade rolled his eyes as Pastor Dickface began preaching to him. If they weren’t gonna have any gory hate sex in a car once all this was out of his system, he didn’t want to hear it.

“We don’t know how high your kill count is, but according to our records, you’re one of the most monstrous mutants to ever plague this world. Did you once consider the families of the people you killed? Have you ever considered that they might not have deserved to die…?” As Wade’s breathing began to stutter, the boss approached him with an insidious smirk. “I don’t think you have. You have no conscience, no decency, and no desire to ever be anything more than the filthy murderer you are. And I have no doubts you’d only drag Logan down with you if you didn’t let him go now… So what about it?”

Wade’s voices were screaming the exact same words in his head now, the ones they’d been tormenting him with since he’d dared to try and settle down with Logan however he’d have him. It made him feel ill, and it was very creepy how these people seemed to know exactly how to get under Wade’s skin… but he knew there was a kernel of truth in those words. This was exactly why Wade had been so afraid of telling Logan he loved him, no matter how much he wanted to- because he’d only get him hurt. And, well, here they were. Logan was being hurt… and it was all his fault.

…But.

Just before Wade and Logan had been ambushed, they’d looked at the doors leading to the first lab in horror. They were both reliving the horrors they’d experienced at the hands of corrupt scientists, and they knew whatever was behind this would be awful. Logan… he told him he loved him. All Wade could bring himself to do was wrap his pinky around his- a wordless promise- and whisper those words back… but in that moment, Logan had squeezed his hand tightly, saying with forced certainty:

“It’s going to be okay. We’ve survived worse. We can do this.”

Wade could do this. Like hell he was going to abandon Logan- even self-sacrificially. Nobody here deserved an ounce of satisfaction.

Blessedly, they’d taken his silence as inconclusive, and the doors opened for the two thorns in his side to leave. “I believe we should ask Logan what he thinks. Clearly, we’re not getting anything else out of this… thing,” the boss spat venomously. The lab director was right behind him, nodding in agreement- though he still glanced back at Wade once as he left… turning away right before he could give him a flirtatious wink. Damn it!

As soon as the door shut, Wade heard a blood-curdling screech, followed by horrifying grunts and groans. His entire body lurched in its restraints once he realized what it was- Logan was starting to yell and thrash about in agony from whatever those researchers were injecting into him. His breath quickened as he realized… he was wrong, wasn’t he? Did Orchis actually have a serum that could concentrate Logan’s healing factor?? How the fuck did they manage that?! Shit… they weren’t prepared for this at all…

Wade had seen and heard enough. If he waited any longer, what the hell would they do to Logan? He needed to get out now and save him!! Kill every single other person down there!! Growling in frustration at not having any of his hands free, he tried his absolute hardest to tug them free- he needed to move now, why wouldn’t these fucking restraints budge?? If he didn’t get down there now, Logan was dead, and there would be no reason to live anymore, he couldn’t live without him he just couldn’t-

A loud yelp escaped him as his right wrist dislocated from the force he’d put in. It didn’t seem to draw any attention, though… because Logan’s screams were covering up every other noise Wade could make. All it took was that reminder, and his fucked-up mind knew exactly what he had to do. Zero hesitation. Maximum effort.

Wade sure hoped the reader had already checked the tags at this point. This was gonna get nasty…

He winced once again when he tugged hard at his right hand… then he heard Logan whimpering through the camera feed, and all bets were off. Without even noticing, he put every bit of strength into tugging his hand against the tight metal restraint- over and over and over again, until flesh began to tear, and his diseased joints and tendons detached one by one. The incredible pain barely penetrated Wade’s mind, which could only think of one thing: Logan needs me, and he needs me now.

With one more long, forceful tug, Wade’s right hand tore off. Despite his efforts to muffle his noises, he couldn’t hold back his screech as the last bits of flesh ripped from his arm, his hand remaining lodged in the restraint for a few seconds before flopping to the ground uselessly. Still nothing compared to the horrifying cries coming from the camera feed.

After taking a moment to catch his breath, Wade dared to open his eyes once more- just in time to see Logan’s claws shoot out… very improperly. They were sticking out of his wrist, and- the force he was exerting on the restraints had become too much. They bent and broke, and Logan was free. All of a sudden, the guards in the room with him were rushing downstairs, leaving the door open as the room began glowing red with the alarm- and Logan was still screaming, they were still hurting him-

Alright. Head in the game, Wade. You have giant metal clippers in your right pocket in case of inhibitors, right? They’re big enough to catch on your elbow like a keyring. Logan’s going to be killed out there, stop stalling!! No- don’t rush it, actually! If you drop them, it’s game over. Just… fuck, fuck!! Ow, no, don’t get light-headed now, please- Hurry!! Come on, Deadpool, we gotta get out there and kill everybody!!

At last, Wade had the clippers on his arm, and he steadied the bottom handle with his teeth, opening it on the other side with his stump. Quicker than he ever had before, he shoved the blade in between his arm and the restraint and slammed it down. Blood splattered everywhere, and Wade had to bite back another shriek, but with one sharp tug, he was able to break his left hand out of the restraint!

That would be the only one of his hands and feet he’d be leaving here with. It was all he’d need. Wade’s mind broke when he heard Logan snarl and yelp, now mixed with countless other screams- he could care less about those, and his left hand grabbed the katana he hadn’t left downstairs. With three brutal swings to his ankles, his feet were separated, and them, along with Wade, fell to the floor.

Logan could already be dying down there. Wade forced himself to balance on footless, bleeding stump legs- if it wasn’t for his healing factor, he would’ve bled out by now. He likely wouldn’t even be conscious right now, if not for the incredible amounts of adrenaline in his system… Wasn’t it usually funny whenever Deadpool got ripped apart like this?

Wade sure as shit wasn’t laughing now.

Wordlessly, he sheathed his sword, grabbing one of his pistols and shooting the first person he saw point blank in the stomach- the only exposed area in their armor. Stupid fucks. He stomped over to the computer, not even reacting to his destroyed legs painfully slipping all over the floor. All the doors were open as an emergency protocol, so the only thing for Wade to do here was grab a hard drive connected to the computer and shove it in his pocket. It had the boss’s name scrawled on it, and he knew immediately he could use it for extortion if need be.

Logan was downstairs. Wade needed to find him. After shoving the TV to the ground, feeling some relief once it finally shut the fuck up, he gritted his teeth as he briskly made for the stairs. Any guards and researchers who’d since noticed his escape- some of which looked outright maimed following Logan’s escape- were quickly dispatched by either his baby knife or his sword. He’d taught himself to use both in one hand for times like these, and he barely reacted to the gunshots and tazing while he made their blood spray everywhere, slashing with completely uncoordinated movements. It looked like it hurt for them! And Wade really, really hoped it did.

Once he’d made it downstairs, the brief red flashes of the alarm was the only thing lighting up the scene before Wade. There were far less people than he’d been expecting- which is to say, there were tons of people in here, but they’d all been gruesomely clawed to death. Looks like Logan beat him to it… where was he? Where the fuck was-

Wade spotted a flash of yellow in the corner of the room, and oh thank god- he was there, and he was breathing!!

“LOGAN!!!” Wade screamed, the sight of him being reassuring and horrifying at the same time. His breathing was audibly ragged, choking with every other inhale, and he was completely coated in the blood of his victims. In all fairness, though, killing as many of these douchebags as they could had always been part of their plan…

Only about two of the goons on the ground got up when they heard Wade, and he immediately turned to both of them, shooting them dead without another word. When he was sure he didn’t hear any more footsteps, he searched the hall for their targets…

There, in the middle of all the carnage, was their ballsack of a boss, bleeding profusely from three large gashes in his stomach. Wade could easily guess where they came from, and he didn’t feel an ounce of sympathy. For what they’d done to Logan, it was entirely deserved. Of course it wasn’t enough, though- because the bastard wasn’t dead yet!

Wade couldn’t say the same for the lab director. He was dead as a doornail, and barely even recognizable from how badly his face had been torn apart. Looked like it was his turn to take out a target… “That’s a neat briefcase you’ve got there,” Wade passive-aggressively grunted, towering over him with his sword pointed directly at his neck. “I think it’s mine now. Give it, fuckface. ” One of his legs slid closer to the briefcase in question, which would’ve snagged it if he had feet right now…

And the bastard shook his head. He shook his goddamn head at him, tugging the case closer to him just barely, even though those eyes of his still dared to beg Wade for mercy. “Not a fucking question,” he hissed, jabbing him in the nose. “Give it to me. NOW.” Still, he resisted. Well, if this boss wasn’t gonna budge with his life on the line, maybe this hard drive he was pulling out would give him the push he needed…

Suddenly, the fuckface tossed it aside. “Fine, fine!! It’s the antidote. Inject that into Logan, and he’ll get his healing factor back. Just leave us alone…” the old man blubbered. Wade’s eyes stared blankly at him, completely appalled at what he’d heard. Not only was he a massive hypocrite, if his reaction to a hard drive Wade was outright bluffing him with was any indication, but he’d rather die than let Logan live…?

That was more than enough from him. He drew his sword up again, aiming directly for his mouth…

“Maybe you should’ve left us alone then, hm?”

Immediately, Wade slammed the sword through his lips, jamming it into his throat as the old man choked up all the blood he had left in him. Looks like it was his turn to shut the fuck up now…

Once he was good as dead, Wade pulled his sword out, replacing it in its sheath before stumbling to his knees to grab that briefcase. The antidote- Logan still needed to be saved!! Quickly, Wade got back on his stumps, wincing slightly as the pressure re-opened the partially healed flesh. There wasn’t time to worry about that now- with what little energy he had left, Wade had to save Logan.

“Wolvie…? Hey- hey, it’s me, Deadpool!! The cancer-man you finally kissed on the mouth yesterday…? Okay- okay, calm down, peanut, I’m here to help, I promise, just stay still, I’ve got you, please-” Wade’s words became more frantic as he realized that Logan didn’t recognize him at all right now. He was nothing more than a frightened animal, glaring at him with narrow pupils and holding his mutilated hands up in defense- dear God, those claws looked horrible… Wolvie was still fucking whimpering…

Wade knew he was panicking, but he didn’t know he’d started crying until he felt the first tear drip down his face, onto the prepared syringe in his right hand. “I’ve just gotta give you this, honey badger, and the pain will stop. You’re gonna be okay, just stay still-“

A loud gasp left Wade when Logan plunged his claws into his chest, out of pure instinct. Those eyes were still crazed, staring furiously at whatever he thought Wade was right now. More importantly, though, whatever blood Wade had left in his body was draining fast, and he needed to cure Logan now.

He was no doctor, but he knew he needed to stick the needle into a vein. There was an entry point in the crook of the arm currently stabbing Wade- sure, that’d work for Wade- and sure enough, some blood filled the needle as soon as he stuck it in. His vision was fading fast, but Wade managed to inject every last drop of the antidote into Logan’s arm, before pulling the needle out…

…and collapsing right next to Logan, who had since pulled his claws out and curled up on the floor. Everything felt like a blur in Wade’s mind now, as the lack of oxygen began to really get to him. Was that… sniffing he felt on his neck? Aww, Logan loved to do that when they cuddled…

Were they at home? Was all of this just a bad dream after all? Maybe Logan just woke him up, all worried about him, joining him in bed so he wouldn’t be so alone… He’d never done that before, had he? Nightmares were a Logan thing… but there was a first time for everything, wasn’t there? Logan was so warm… Wade was so, so cold… and so tired…

Wade didn’t remember the last thing he said before he died. But to anyone listening, it kinda sounded like:

“…I wanna go home, Wolvie…”

—

Well, that was a disaster, if I’ve ever seen one.

Oh, wonderful. You two again. It’s been a second since I last visited the afterlife, hasn’t it? Are you really the only people-slash-voices here right now?

Heck yeah, we are! God, it was so much fun seeing all the people we killed…

Don’t you mean the people I killed? Just because you like to annoy me all the time doesn’t mean you’re “part of me.” You’re both just some annoying thoughts in my brain that like berating me all the time!!

Not without cause. What the hell were you thinking taking that job, Wade?! You both could’ve died, and painfully.

Like I give a damn about pain- wait, does that mean Logan’s alive?? Oh my god- that worked!! He’s alive and well, and l’ll be back soon to kiss him all better-

Thank god that wasn’t secretly poison you gave him, right?

That’s a good point. It was your impulse that got us here, after all…

…You think I don’t know that? Believe me, Logan and I aren’t gonna touch missions like this with a ten-foot pole for a while-

What we’re saying is- he knows now, Wade. Knows how horrible you are for him.

…Shit. Shit- you’re right. He’s gonna leave us now, isn’t he? Just like Vanessa left me after we got her killed…?

(Wade thought he began to hear someone begging for forgiveness, as if his head was underwater. Was it his own…? Not quite...)

Yup! It’s dumping time, and get used to it! You should be lucky he even gave you a chance… He doesn’t even know how crazy you really are!!

Why’d you even tell him to stay here? His old universe was horrible, but at least he didn’t have to fear for his life-

You don’t know that!! Not even I know what he went through back there…

(Whoever it was began sobbing incoherently. Their voice sounded a bit clearer now. Something about it made Wade’s heart sink.)

Well… he lost all his friends to some anti-mutes while he wasn’t there to stop them, right?

Wait…

The voices suddenly stopped, and Logan had apparently joined Wade in this black void. He was hunched over, sobbing and apologizing over and over again to a mangled body in his arms. This must’ve been what Logan was faced with in his world, wasn’t it? Poor guy…

He stepped closer, but Logan didn’t react. His limbs suddenly began to tingle as feeling returned to them, and his heart began to pound heavily in his ears. With immense shock, Wade realized that the person in Logan’s arms wasn’t one of his past fallen comrades-

It was him .

—

With a gasp, Wade awoke, his entire body immediately coming back from death as if nothing had happened. Like it always did… He didn’t have his hand or feet back yet, but he felt the always-weird sensation of tiny fingers and toes growing out of the stubs. Wiggling them experimentally, he cringed at how odd it felt.

…Where even was he? Wade tried to remember what had happened- and in a flash, the mission came back to him. The kidnapping, killing all those people, seeing Logan suffer-

Logan! LOGAN!!!

“Wolvie- hey, hey, Wolvie, I’m not dead!! I promise- oh my fucking god, baby-“ He was right above him, crying as he had been in that weird void between life and death. As inconsolable as Logan was right now, Wade was quickly losing his composure right along with him. “T-There was no way I could… I-I had to get out somehow, there was no other way, I… Logan, thank fucking god you’re okay…”

He instantly collapsed into sobs right with Logan, the adrenaline finally starting to crash now that it was just the two of them here (and a bunch of dead guys). “I… I’m so fucking sorry I led us here!! Y-You coulda died, and it woulda been my fault because I didn’t wanna stay with them, I didn’t wanna leave you-!!” They were both holding each other as close as possible now, realizing just how close they’d come to losing each other. “A-And then I died, just like all your friends back there did- fuck, I-I’m so sorry please don’t leave me-“

“Wade…” Logan cut in with a shaky voice, tilting his head up to meet his bloodshot eyes. “…Don’t apologize to me for dying, what the fuck??”

Wade, as snotty as ever, sniffled loudly, feeling a bit stupid now, even when he could feel the care behind Logan’s words. “…B-But-“

“This… it’s not your fault, Wade. I came with you because I wanted to, and you… you did this because you wanted me to be happy. I…” Logan rubbed his eyes again, his free arm tightening around Wade. “…You were right about one thing- don’t you dare give yourself up to them, bub. Not for my sake.”

“It… I-It helps that I can’t die-“

“No. It doesn’t…” Logan cut in quickly, his voice harsh with emotion. It took him a second to collect itself before he spoke again, pressing his forehead tightly to Wade’s. “…but you did what you had to. You… you did the best you could, Wade. You did good… god, I love you so much…”

Wade sobbed again upon hearing that. Louder than any grown man should, but he didn’t give a shit. He just needed Logan so badly, and he was still right here with him… “I love you too, Logan… I don’t deserve you-” His voice nearly choked off, but it would’ve been muffled anyways by the kiss Logan pressed to his lips. It was deep, desperate, and the most emotional they’d shared thus far. Wade never wanted him to stop…

Eventually, though, they did have to pull back- and Wade was in the air now. More accurately, Logan was carrying him?? “W-Wolvie…? Are you sure you’re up for this?? You were looking pretty rough when I found you, and I am pretty big compared to you-“

“You’re not walking on those legs again, Wade,” he grumbled, leaving Wade no room for argument. Looks like Wade was getting bridal carried out of here, whether he liked it or not!

“Just… hang on to me, princess. I got you…”

…Well, Wade definitely liked it now.

Even if he didn’t… he’d do anything just to make sure he could still hear Logan’s voice at the end of the day. For him, Wade would tear himself to pieces if it meant he would survive.

Because they couldn’t survive without each other.

#poolverine week 2024 #deadpool #wolverine #deadpool and wolverine #poolverine #wade wilson #logan howlett #orchis #fanfiction #poolverine fanfiction #gale's writing

40 notes · View notes

echantedtoon · 2 months ago

Text

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Ch3 Kindness Towards Cruelty

(Tagging @punks-never-die205 @feiatjjk

@karmadglory @babygurlenthusiast @swampstew @purplesoulsapphire

Remember if you want to be added to the taglist lemme know.

Warnings for yandere themes, mentioned entertainment district and spicy stuff but it will STAY sfw, Kid's in cannon killing streak and violence, maybe some cussing.

Should've mentioned it before but these first three chapters take place before the two year time skip. I know oirans knew tea ceremonies and I apologize if not everything is accurate. I got the info on tea ceremonies from the first video linked below. If Kid comes off as disrespectful during the ceremony it's because I'd imagine he's never been to a tea ceremony and he's a pirate.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xD7qUfSOGOE&list=LL&index=2&pp=gAQBiAQB )

"Which house do you think has an oiran?"

Bright lights were everywhere.

It nearly blinded the men by the amount of lanterns and lightly that glowed warmly against the sky, giving just a small amount of light. People were everywhere. Tons of them. Walking around, shouting at one another, talking loudly, and sometimes carrying objects like bags or boxes. The murmuring of voices together was loud enough to be a buzz like that of a bee hive. It rattled their heads in a way that was unpleasant and not too familiar.

The buildings surrounding the people were bigger than any of the ones back where they hailed from. Two or three stories each. At the base of said houses were small stalls and wagons the tons of people warned but you couldn't see what they sold unless you got close to them. There was too many different faces. It was dizzying. Yet that didn't stop Heat from quickly stopping by one stall that it's vendor sold large warm meat packed dumplings, buying one and proceeding to eat it as they walked. The savory taste of soup boiled beef and spice mixing deliciously in his mouth as they walked.

Only now stopping to look at the maze of houses lining the streets and bedazzled in way too much money. The Flower Capital was known for too much flattery and painting everything in the metaphorical gold. It's supposedly a display of wealth but if you asked someone like Killer, it just meant they were egotistical and guady.

"Why don't we just pick the fanciest looking one and try in there? Rich idiots usually keep the good things on display."

That was true. In their experience, the rich weren't too bright and enjoyed showing off WAY too much. Made them easier targets for pirates like them. Eventually masked blue eyes blinked around before settling on one building in particular.

The entire thing was white. Shiny wood painted a pure white, meanwhile golden oak pillars decorated the outside like beams of heavenly light. A golden glow emitted from the front and a few girls in beautiful kimonos happily giggled and waved at passerbys who stopped to gawk in awe at their beauty. Surely a very successful house amongst the others. Seemed like a place only an oiran would reside.

After a moment, the blonde pointed out the rather stunning building. "If I had to guess, It'd be there."

"You think so?"

Killer shrugged his shoulders. "Let's take a look anf find out."

Wire and Heat looked at one another but followed him as Killer made his way towards the large building. Even now people stopped to look at them passing by in shock but most steer clear of the three of quickly scrambled out of their way as they walked past them. The girls even stopped their flirty smiles and stepped back from the entrance as they ascended the stairs and through the entrance. The inside looked as fancy as the outside but much more the large space was not surprisingly filled with more women dressed up in a similar style to all the others they've seen, all stopped and stared widely at the three large men that walked right in. Looking around the place of shiny polished floors, and lit candles, and velvet curtains hanging off the walls.

The murmuring of the ladies quieted down as the three looked around. Hm. Maybe they didn't come to the right place? A shuffling of quick footsteps got their attention and a second later the curtains moved, revealing another man on the other side. He was nothing to look at. Practically the stereotypical man who at first smiled probably expecting customers, however like everyone else was stunned into surprise by the sight of the three large pirates in the middle of the room. More silence passed before he let the curtains drop back into place behind him and gave a more nervous grin.

"Ah. Good evening, Gentlemen," he greeted somewhat nervously clasping his hands together. "Welcome to the Heavens House. How can I help you three tonight?"

"We're looking for a girl," Killer's blunt tone was unchanging despite the flinch it caused who must've been the house master.

"Ah! Well that can be arranged!" He gestured his hands around them. "We have many fine young ladies here for your entertainment tonight."

"Maybe I should've been more specific. You gotta oiran here?"

The man blinked. "Oiran? O-Oh. We-Well that is a very expensive choice. A very high class lady."

"Is that a yes or no?"

Again the nervous look. "We.. I'm afraid we do not house Kumorasaki. I get that very often."

"We don't want Kumorasaki. Just an oiran. Any ordinary oiran will be fine."

"Oh?...Oooooh. Well then yes! Heavens House does host an oira !" He was back to happy within seconds. "But of course..A high class lady such as herself isn't without it's costs-"

"We got the funds. Money is not a problem."

"Then do tell which of you fine gentlemen wishes to be in her company for the night. Or perhaps you were hoping to get a performance from our resident madam?"

"It's not for us. We're getting her as a gift for our Captain."

Again that silence persisted from the room before the man gulped. "O-Oh. I see you're sea fairing men. Wh-Who might be your captain might I ask?"

"Kid."

"Kid?" All at once the color drained from his face at the horrible realization. "As i-in Eustass 'Captain' Ki-Kid?"

"Yeah. That's right." Killer's head tilted at him. "When can she arrive?"

"I-...I-Im afraid I'll have to decline you business." The puny man stuttered out after a gulp. "That man's worth three hundred fifteen million berries! He's a dangerous man. That's ba-bad for business and I can't risk the only oiran here! I'd be a fool to subject the odds to that."

Killer didn't answer at first. Only humming before tilting his head. "Alright then. You're a business man I get it. So-..." The way he slowly crossed his arms had the paler man's eyes widening. "Let's talk business."

"Captain Eustass Kid." The voice so calming and sweet carried with it and aura of grace as those lashes fluttered shut as she bowed. It struck his veins like an icy ghost's hand dipping into his body and seizing his throat. "I'm so honored to have the pleasure of meeting you."

"PPFFFTT-?!"

The metaphorical ghost hand entrapping his throat clogged up the alcohol going down forcing him to choke it out of him. Back into the mug of all over the table, whichever one was closest. A loud series of coughs and hacks left his throat disrupting the serenic scene and finally bursting that seed filled bubble.

"Surprise, Captain!", someone shouted from the crowd, "WE GOT YA AN OIRAN!!"

A series of laughs, cheers, whoops, and a few wolf whistles filled the air. Amber eyes widened as his face snapped in shock towards the crowd of cheerers. The mug dropping to the ground with whatever was left inside spilling out all over the ground. He sat there in stunned shock only stiffly looking over when Killer reached out to pat his shoulder grinning under that mask he wore.

He couldn't speak. Not registering whatever words the killer next to him said in jest. The rounds of clapping and cheers echoed around him blurring into one at last. Nothing really getting to him through the muffled faraway voices becoming nothing but a hum. A buzz.to his mind for nothing but the mind. Instead the shining lights on the strings above, the golden glow catching onto the heavenly image before amber eyes. The image of a smile on her face as her graceful body bent back up from the bow and smiled at him. The image of beauty shining upon his face.

"Would you like to come back with me? Or perhaps you would prefer to have me come and join where you sit?"

His mouth opened wide- The dryness of the ghost clenching around the wind pipe prevented him from saying a word. The only guiding thing preventing him from choking on a sound was the fact he found nothing to say. But then the serene moment was gone. Replaced and cut through by the sound of a very loud wolf whistle that pierced the air. In an instant the mouth snapped shut and a redness not unlike his red hair spread across his face.

"SHUT UP!!," his voice echoed out but all it got in return was a bout of laughs from the crew. "What the hell is this, Killer?!" He demanded turning to the blonde man for answers.

"We just wanted to get you something after everything you've done. Take a load off and relax, Kid," Killer spoke the same words he used from before giving his friend a couple more pats to his back before retreating his arm. Ice cubes clinked in a glass when his hand grabbed onto his drink once more. "We just wanted to get you something you never had before."

"Huh?! You assholes think I l've never got a girl before?!"

"Have you ever had an oiran before?"

"I DIDN'T ASK ANYONE FOR HELP!! I COULD'VE GOTTEN ANY MAN OR WOMAN I WANTED IN THE ENTIRE CAPITAL AND YOU KNOW IT!!"

"Oh.." Killer pondered something for a moment. "Then you don't want the oiran?"

"If he doesn't want her can I have her?"

A red haired man bristled. Stiffly snapping his head around to the point Killer was expecting a snap sound to go off from his neck. The face of beauty turned to the right. A dirty stray. A rat. Filthy cockroach of a man. Scuttling about like a filthy tag along whom followed the vision of beauty like a wolf hunting sheep. Skulking closer and closer to the dancer's stage, to take her from the lanterns spotlight into the gastly shadows. The expression on her face was anything but smiling once the threat was slotted within sight. The beady eyes shown in perversion and greed.

It made an unspoken challenge to the Red Devil's whims and like hellfire he burnt out one hell of an annoyance. Many heads turned as with a rattling of a table and stomp down of boots, the Red Devil stood at his full height and many heads turned to the new annoyed fury.

"LIKE FUCK YOU ARE!!," the angry voice shot out and everyone else seemed to freeze up within sights of the anger emitting off the amber eyes. "PUT ONE FUCKING HAND ON MY WOMAN AND I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!"

"So you do want her?"

The way Kid's teeth clenched and grinded against one another could practically be heard as his fists clenched.. before he deflated with a grunt. "Fine. I'll fucking take her. BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU USED OUR MONEY TO GET HER NOT BECAUSE I CAN'T GET A GIRL MYSELF!!"

A round of cheers were set off as he grunted with an eye roll. Idiots. All of them. He'd show them. It wasn't anything he needed! It'd just be a waste of money otherwise! So cheers ignored he took his first steps towards the woman who was called to the scene and presented to him like a glittering trophy for his disastrous deeds. The beautiful doll all dressed up and looking at him silently as he approached her. Each heavy thud of his steps coming up to her until he stood right in front of her. In silence she regarded him as amber eyes looked over her, up and down but without the lust of the usual audience. Instead it was more studying rather than anything else really. As if a curious fox was circling the hen house.

Amber eyes took great care in studying the wrapping of fabric adorned her body. The way those ridiculous shoes made her taller when is reality she couldn't have been taller than half his upper torso. The beautiful hair pins adorned by fake bedazzled roses and tansels that swayed with each tiny tilt of her head, keeping that glossy silky hair nearly tied up in that hairstyle expertly done. The way her face wasn't surprisingly caked in a million layers of make up like the other women here. Instead it was just enough to make her features pop without taking away from the natural beauty of herself. Especially those reddened lips.

He stood there. Amber eyes looked left. Then to the right. "So ..How does this work?"

"Work?" Her head innocently tilted as pretty orbs blinked.

"Do we get a hotel room or do I take you to dinner? Or-..."

Shit.

What the HELL was he supposed to do in this situation?! It's usually so easy. Pick up a girl, give her a drink or decent meal, flirt a bit, have their fun, and then leave. How the hell was he supposed to know what to do with an oiran? Should he just..pick her up and carry her off? That.. didn't seem like the right thing to do with an oiran but why should he care?! It's HIS woman HIS crew bought HIM for the night and with HIS loot so he could do whatever the hell HE pleased!! And yet-..He couldn't fathom just tossing her over his shoulder and heading to the closest inn for some strange reason.

That's when he heard a sound. A sound so innocent it made him flinch.

A giggle.

A beautiful giggle that chimed like beautiful little bells as she smiled and held a hand to her pretty face. "You may escort me back to my house if you wish? After all I did come all the way out here to collect my customer. That is if you'd want to."

Hmm. Being paraded through town with a beautiful woman was tempting..but he'd look ridiculous just walking next to her dancing back to whatever house she worked. So he decided on the latter.

"You start. I'll follow behind you."

No arguments. No complaints. No other suggestions. Just a cute little smile and respectful bow of her head. "If that's what you wish, Mr. Kid."

Mister? Who the hell called him Mister like an old man?

He didn't say anything about it then though, but watched as she simply turned to no doubt start her procession back up and back towards her home. He gave one last look at his crew who all have him either sounds of approval, smiles, or in Killer's case a thumbs up. Idiots. He'd have to have a word about surprises in the future when this entire fiasco was over with. But for now, he'll indulge them.

The walk there was anything but pleasant really. Rather slow and awkward as she gracefully danced her way back into the spotlight and into the awed eyes of many spectators. Smiling in appreciation at them all which made a shift move in his chest in whatever reason. Wasn't she supposed to be his for the night? Pretty sure that smile was only supposed to be his, but he didn't voice any complaints.

He just stiffly and awkwardly walked behind her like an out of place tag along until they reached the beautiful (tacky) house and followed her inside. The fearful and wary stares followed his form up the steps after her as her dance ended at the door. Pausing her dance in exchange for walking normally but still not loosing that graceful movement. Not when she had to duck to fit within the door front and lift her expensive silks to walk inside as he followed closely behind. Inside women cowered in his wake. One look from him was enough for them to turn their eyes away in fear of Eustass 'Captain' Kid. Heh. Guess his reputation really proceeds him even all the way out here. Made a tiny smirk turn on his face.

"He-Hello, S-S-Sir." An absolute wimp of a man stood before him. Cowardly shaking behind a girl thinner and punier than even he was if that was even possible. Ha! Like that'd help him if he decided to crush his ugly head or tear this dam place apart. "We've been e-e-expecting you. Yo-Yo-You're room has a-already been accom-m-modate." Amber eyes narrowed down to him. "A-A-All on the house!" He shouted ducking down behind the trembling girl. "No-No extra charge! Pl-Please enjoy!"

All the answer the pirate gave was a grunt before his attention was quickly taken back to the beauty. Like a beacon of hope she stood before him, but what had amber eyes widening slightly was the smile on her face still. Not an once of fear. Only a politeness as she stood upright gracefully in a room of cowards. He supposed that should annoy him or make him impressed or both, but all he could say was one thing.

"How the fuck are you able to walk around in those dam things?" His head directed down to those ridiculously high block shoes she still wore.

Despite the rudeness she only smiled. "Years of practice. Would you like me to escort you to your room?"

"Uh...Yeah. Sure. Whatever."

Again she bowed. "Please follow me, Mr. Kid-"

"And don't call me mister. It makes me sound like an old fuck."

"As you wish, Captain Kid." Her politeness kept up with her switch in a formal name for him.

Again it made that weird shift in his chest move but he made no comment as she turned and walked away from the main room allowing him to follow her through the halls of polished floors and doors. Women were there as well. Pressing themselves into the walls or quickly shuffling themselves into one of the many rooms. A few men were there too, no doubt customers, but they also paused as they saw the image of the Red Devil himself walking down the halls after the beautiful oirans. His heavy footfalls echoing throughout the entire halls from the first floor to the second and then the third where a single hall awaited him and one large door. A scrawny servant girl was the only other person there besides them and she trembled while holding some kind of tray in her hands. She smiled at him opening the large sliding door with a bow.

Amber eyes looked at her, then at the room for a few seconds calculating the minor possibility of this night being a trap, before slowly walking inside. The floor was covered in tatami mats other than a small square space in the middle of the room beholding an already boiling black tea kettle. On the far left side was a large cushion presumably for him to sit on and a small table beholding a large gourd he assumed was filled with water or sake. And plates of food were already waiting for him. The expensive stuff too.

O-toro sashimi. Wagyu steak cuts. And the rest he wasn't sure what it was. Some kind of noodles in broth. That was onigiri. Some kind of sushi he thinks?? He only knew the names of some of them because Killer either tried making them once or had spoken about wanting to try out their recipe. Sure went out of their way to accommodate him. Probably out of fear.

To the fair right of the room was a low standing vanity with a pillow sat in front of it and a wide variety of make up, brushes, and other items were nearly placed upon it. A second door..Closet maybe? Or lead to a bathroom. And a large luxurious futon nearly made. Obviously her accomodations for living. A koto instrument and shamisen was leaned against the side wall on her side, tuned and ready for use at any moment.

All in all, what he expected and oirans room to look like but he was surprised at how less fancy looking it was considering the district and her high position.

"Please." He turned to her. Her gentle smile and graceful hand gestured to the large sitting pillow and table of food. "Make yourself comfortable."

Amber eyes still stared at her but slowly did as she asked. Slowly walking to the seat and (after lifting the pillow to make sure nothing was placed under it and feeling a quick hand under the table) slowly sat himself down . His heavy body sinking right into the fluffy weight under him.

"Tch. Too soft," he grunted.

"I can arrange a different one to be brought to you if you'd like."

"Nah. M' fine."

"As you wish, Captain Kid-san. With your permission I'd be honored to perform a tea ceremony for you."

His gaze looked back up to where she still half bowed, eyes closed, and smiling as is pleasantly dreaming away. "A...what?"

"A tea ceremony. It is but only one of the duties I can perform. With your permission, I'd like to perform it for you as a welcome start to your stay here."

He wasn't sure what to think at first watching the still woman. Before he grunted just reaching out to start helping himself to the food. He barely got to eat all night having to help babysit his crew's drunk shenanigans so far, plus he felt too awkward just sitting there doing nothing.

"Sure. Knock yourself out."

"As you wish."

He just mindlessly stuffed one of those rice balls into his mouth and placed his head in his hands as he watched her. The trembling servant girl quickly handed her the tray before scrambling away, leaving the oiran alone with him. With a smile she turned to him and bowed tray in hand before stepping inside. He noticed that she didn't wear those shoes anymore so her height was where he estimated it to be. She barely reached the middle of his torso. Door sliding behind her she made her way silently to the teapot before him and sat down on her knees in silence.

He just watched as she silently began to place the objects in front of him which included two clothes, a ladle, and a few other things. The silence around them continued on other than the light noises coming from her moving around the objects. Starting with her wiping down the already dry tools, and then pouring water into the decorated.. Cup? Bowl? Before it was quickly discarded. What was the point of pouring water in there if she wasn't going to use it for tea?

A few other motions were performed as he watched her closely until she opened the small container filled with green powder. Immediately his brows shot up and his eyes narrowed.

"What's that?"

"Matcha tea powder." She calmly explained continuing to scoop two spoonfuls into the water inside the bowl. "It's the tea used in the tea ceremonies I perform."

"...Sure that ain't poison?"

"If it was, I'd have less guests."

She still continued to work as she spoke never once breaking her motion as he glanced suspiciously between her and the drink she began to whisk up. Call him suspicious but he couldn't help himself. His body was naturally on guard in unknown environments. She continued until the cup was lifted into her hands before gently presented to him with a small pattern of Sakura blooms painting the cup's front. Amber eyes stared at it for ten seconds before holding out his hand. She placed it in his palm gently and he flinched at how soft her skin was.

He remained sitting there holding this cup as she returned to her objects. Gently placing them back onto the tray again without another look at him. He blinked looking at the green liquid within the cup, and raising a brow at brow at the butter smell wafting out of it. She did not look back up until she heard him suddenly make a loud questioning grunt in distaste. His eyes scrunched shut, mouth in a grimace as his arm held it away from his mouth.

"What's wrong?"

"Tastes bitter!"

She giggled."That's how it's supposed to be served. I suppose it's not everyone's taste."

"And rich fucks actually pay for this?" She continued to silence giggles as he placed the cup on the table, pushing it away from him whilst simultaneously grabbing the gourd and downing the burning sake inside.

"I do hope you're not too displeased with the ceremony." He brought the gourd down to give a deadpanned look at her. To which she only smiled at him and gestured to the instruments along the wall. "If you prefer, I can play something for you instead."

"Play?"

She nodded. "Yes. I can play both the koto and shamisen. I can also perform traditional dances and sing for you if you'd like."

"Uh...No."

"Then perhaps Captain Kid-san would prefer a more strategical challenge. I can play many board games including go and shogi."

"No."

"Then perhaps you would like to hear a story? I can recite many old stories or poetry for your amusement."

"Do I look like a guy who listens to poetry and stories?!"

Her head tilted once more, smile going a bit smaller but never waning. "Then what shall you prefer me to do?"

"I mean...I was expecting a little more-... Somethin' different from this."

Something a LOT different from this actually. He really didn't come prepared to be sang to or be recited poetry like a romantic. There was silence as she continued to stare at him with that pretty face. The one that made his chest churn with something. Something that he forced himself to distract from by turning to the table and shoving a large sushi into his mouth.

Her eyes followed his hands eating the food before slowly turning back to his face in a studious manner. "Captain Kid-san, I wonder if you would grant me permission to say something bold?"

"Hm?" He hummed in question chewing on another overpriced steak otherwise.

"You are tense." Her kind tone but blunt words made him stop entirely. "Your posture, it is stiff and excuse my words but you seem uncomfortable sitting here with me. Is it perhaps you find it unpleasant?"

This unpleasant?

..Maybe. He's not exactly used to this type of treatment. He's a pirate. Whatever he wants he takes dam everyone else. Being served wasn't anything too unusual for him being served by barmaids and waiters of all kinds in bars and sometimes Killer will bring him food when he was extremely busy in his workshop. But this kind of treatment?

There's an air of elegance and art and it feels far too formal for a pirate. Especially one like him. The one with the highest bounty on his head. His bounty and reputation aside, even if he wasn't a pirate his intimidating appearance alone should've warranted some kind of fear in her. But yet he saw nothing like that in her movements or eyes. She's been nothing but sweet, and the whole thing had been so foreign that he felt off about it..Yeah. That's what he was feeling.

Not unpleasant but out of place. And being out of place unsure of what to do naturally put him on edge.

He exhaled through his nose swallowing down the food in his throat and looked at her. "....Not really. I was expecting more..'action' is all."

That made her give a small huff. "Well that's certainly not out of the question for me to do, but usually I am not summoned for something as simple as that."

"Oh yeah? Then what the hell do you usually do here? Sit around and look pretty?"

"I'm usually asked to perform at galas where I sing and dance or perform ceremonies for important high ranked people who visit the Flower Capital..But that's doesn't happen very often either. You see most people especially men want the company of Kumorasaki above anyone else here." Her pretty face looked off in a small sad smile. "I suppose I shouldn't be worried about the lack of attention but it leaves me just sitting here with nothing to do but perform music outside of the House."

Parties and gigs? So in other words she was a glorified performer. Sounded like a sucky life for someone whom was supposed to be a high ranked noble essentially. Is that why she was so happy to see him? Was she so bored that she completely disregarded any fear of him in order to have something to do? Maybe but even if she wasn't scared she should've been at least weary. Was it possible for her to not know who he was?

"I see...When did you last uh..'perform'?" He decided to keep the conversation light to avoid any awkwardness again.

"You are my first customer in almost an entire year. My last performance was performing a tea ceremony for the House Master's visiting brother," she confessed openly. "Otherwise I have not really done anything for quite some time."

"Is this Kumorasaki really that fuckin' important for business to be that slow?" A small twinge of anger for the woman's behalf bubbled up from his chest although he didn't know why.

She chuckled. "I have seen Kumorasaki in person before. She's actually quite beautiful and her skills as a professional oiran far outdo my own. I don't blame others for wanting her to be in their presence. For that I cannot be mad at anyone. To be jealous would accomplish nothing."

"Huh. Never heard it be out that way before." He leaned closer brows raising and smirk spreading across his face. "But I do wonder about you. You don't seem to be scared of me. Do ya not know who I am?"

Those beautiful orbs did not look away from him despite his towering demeanor. "You are Captain Eustass Kid of the Victoria Punk. They say you're the worst out of the worst generation."

"See my reputation proceeds me. And that doesn't intimidate you a lil bit, Peacock?"

"Of course but as with jealousy towards another, to fear would accomplish nothing."

...His smirk slowly shifted. "Huh. You're either really brave or really fuckin' stupid. I don't know if you've noticed but I can crush you like a big "

"I have noticed that but you have not done anything for me to warrant any fear. If you had wanted to kill me, a man like you would've done so already." The small smile widened. "To fear you would show disrespect to actions you had not done. If you had threatened me or otherwise then fear would be warranted, however you have done nothing to me like that. So to give you fear of something you hadn't done would be like to hate you for breaking my table." Her hand gestured to the fancy table of food. "You have not broken the table therefore it'd make no sense to hate you for it. So why would I fear you if nothing had been done to give me fear?"

He was ... speechless. Very much taken aback by her words. So simply stated yet- Yet it hit him like a good slap across the face. What was this? Lack of fear? He didn't get that from anyone else other than his own crew, powerful enemies, and for some reason Strawhat who seemed to think they were somehow friends. But from a random girl who he could easily destroy without even his devil fruit abilities? THAT was something he never found before.

Interesting.

"Hm. Interesting...How is it a working girl has a thinking process like that yet still ends up in a house like this?"

"I wasn't always an oiran. Believe it or not I used to be a servant of a noble lady in a neighbouring district." Those beautiful orbs closed again and she bowed her head. "She was a rare kind woman in these parts but unfortunately she died and I had to find alternative employment unless I wanted to be banished from the Capital."

"And becoming a working girl in a brothel was a better option?"

"It's a living. It's not all bad. I have food, shelter, and a nice title even if it's not quite suitable for me. We all have to scrape by in life, and I'm sure it's not always easy for a pirate on the seas as well yet we have to learn to live with those hardships."

Wise words spoken by someone who shouldn't have been so wise at least in his eyes. She was as somber as a sloth yet as clever as an owl with the allure of a fox and grace of a swan. A strange but beautiful combination.

"....Have you eaten anything today?"

"Not a thing. I'm not allowed to indulge myself in front of guests until they're satisfied or leaves. I discipline myself to hold my hunger."

...The clinking of chopsticks against dishes didn't disturb her until she heard him speak once more. "Eat this."

Glowing eyes and pretty lashes fluttered towards him in surprise that made him feel that tightness in his chest. In front of her was a pair of chopsticks holding up a piece of that wagyu steak towards her. Her gentle gently blinked before gazing to him in question.

"No sense in starvin' yourself."

She hummed. "This is unusual for someone to request of me."

"I'm not requesting. I'm fucking ordering you!" He nudged it towards her frowning. "EAT!"

Her expression did not change when looking in surprise from his hand to him before that sweet smile came back and she bowed her head. "If that is what Captain Kid-san requests of me."

He said nothing but flinched as two soft tiny hands reached out to cup his in them. They were so soft, yet a bit calloused probably from her previous life as a servant but her nails her perfectly manicured in a similar way to his painted ones. However amber eyes didn't notice that. But watched as she simply took the food away from him and ate silently. Gazing at him with that grateful smile. A panging tightness went off in chest that spearheaded warmth to his face and slapped a coat of pink paint onto his cheeks.

"T-Take what you need from the dam plates!" He eyes turned and hand wrenched his hand away trying not to look at the red lipstick now lining his chopsticks. "Just don't fucking starve yourself in front of me!"

"Of course. You have my gratitude for your mercy."

He grunted but said nothing as she gently slid one of the many plates towards herself. He noticed that it was some dish of meat and rice but said nothing as she proceeded to start eating it. Gods...Even the way she ate was graceful. Skilled in such a way he wasn't entirely sure if he was secretly watching a runaway princess eat by the way she politely ate big by bit. He forced himself to turn away from her with a grunt. Distracting himself by chugging down the sake and popping those tiny annoying little cake deserts into his mouth. Not bothering to look back up. It was a tense ten or so minutes before she bothered to speak again.

"Is there anything else Captain Kid-san would like of me?"

He jolted. Eyes blinking back up to make contact with hers for what must've been the millionth time that night. Nothing but a quaint little smile waiting for him to say anything. To speak a desire of her. Desire...He didn't really desire anything here. Singing and dancing wasn't what he came here for certainly. He was looking for a good time. Drinking, chowing down, and eventually meeting a cute gal to maybe get aquatinted with for his time there. Instead what he got was a surprise he didn't ask for...but a beautiful one he was unsure what to do with. If he wasn't distracted by her beauty, he would've just called it a night there. Thanked her maybe before just leaving and finding his night elsewhere yet-

"Ever get requests for kissing?"

"Yes believe it or not."

"Can-"

Can I kiss you?

It was on the top of his tongue but that ghost hand was back clenching his throat as she smiled. Silently standing up to her full height and suddenly he felt tiny, intimidated. He didn't like that. Not one but as she slowly walked up to where he was sitting down and nearly choked on his own tongue. Then before he knew it she was before him leaning down and smiling.

From his place, he could see the lantern light reflecting distantly off her eyes making it look almost heavenly. It was beautiful. Her smile widened and eyes lit up immediately reflecting all the pretty lights like stars in a mirror. It made him mesmerized just looking at that beautiful scene in her beautiful eyes- Before he flinched as gently hands cupped his cheeks.

"Is this alright? You can tell me to stop."

He only nodded yes. She stood in front of the lights shining on her just the right way to give him the impression she was an angel. A sight he was hesitant to leave when she bent down. Then they were both closer than he remembered. Just a few inches from one another twinkling under the single lantern's lights. Face going a dim pink and a few chuckles from the moment escaping her. They chimed like pretty bells, sounding heavenly. No one was here too. So it was just them two. Alone here with nothing but each other for company. His mind felt completely blank and numb but in a good way, compelling him to reach his hands up and cup a cheek of hers in return something his rational brain wouldn't allow himself to do. Inches away now. She didn't move away.

He stared at the woman in front of him, this strange, strange woman with the beautifully flowing hair and the cute smile. If he was watching this as an outsider, he would've laughed at how they were literally just strangers less than a while ago, but right now it didn't seem any of that or anything else mattered. Not even the topic they had been discussing just a few seconds ago. Maybe it really was a mutual madness they both shared or some form of chaos in their lives, but right now....With them being so close...And so vulnerable. It was only natural of course-.. It's what soulmates do-.. Of course they would since-...

Their lips just pressed for a few wonderful seconds before he suddenly pulled himself away looking at her and breathing heavily. His grip on her tightening and untightening in waves as if restraining himself. His warm breath ghost over her lips and face warming them as he stared half lidded.

"Captain Kid-san?"

"Kid," his voice deep from the moment said. "No formal shit. Just call me Kid."

Another giggle as a thumb gently rubbed his cheek. "Will there be anymore of me you want tonight?"

WANT.

His body screaming at him WANT, NEED, HIS!! But ..it wasn't out of lust. It was some foreign thing in his chest that he was unsure of what it was, but it wasn't unpleasant this time.

"....Yeah. Your name." He smiled at her. "What's your name, Dove?"

"Y/n. My name is Y/n."

Y/n. Beautiful name that sent his nerves on fire.

"Shall we continue?"

YES!! HE DESPERATELY WANTED TOO-

But yet he stopped himself and frowned. "Is that something YOU want?" Her mouth opened- "I'm not talkin' about your duties. Fuck them. No obligations. Is it what YOU want with me? I ain't gonna do anything if it's done out of 'obligations' or cuz you think you have to. I don't do that bullshit."

Her look changed. Genuinely..shocked. Staring at the pirate she just kissed and was still within his grip. The silence went on for a long moment before her face turned somber.

"I'm not against the idea. You are a very beautiful man, Eustass Kid."

"Yes or no? I hate beating around the dam bush!"

"...If you say it that way, then to be honest yes. But not right now. I like to get to know someone first. How long will you be docked in the Flower Capital?"

"A week. We're gathering supplies, and looking over the ship for damages. The week break is more for my crew to give 'em a well deserved break, then we're leaving."

Her smile was back. "Then I yes, but not tonight."

"Then that's a no." He sat there for a moment letting her continue holding his face. "...You..said you play?"

"Koto and shamisen. I also sing along with certain numbers."

"... What's your favorite song?"

"Apple Blossoms."

"Play it for me?"

"Gladly, Kid."

His heart rate increased by the use of a friendly tone given.

#one piece eustass #one piece kid #one piece #one piece eustass kid #no good deed goes unpunished #eustasscaptainkid #eustass captain kidd #eustass kid #eustass captain kid #eustass kid x reader #eustass kidd #op eustass kid #eustass x reader #yandere eustass kid #eustass kid x y/n #eustass kid x you

25 notes · View notes