#but i thought it was time for some vulnerable shawn

[lnfours]

summer loving (four) ⎸ t.h

⌙ summary: your mom and tom’s mom grew up together, swearing that their kids would be life long friends. and it was true, the holland boys were a special part of your life. but on the annual trip to their beach house this summer, everything feels different. and that’s because it is.

⌙ au:  based on the book and tv show ‘the summer i turned pretty’ by jenny han. childhood friends to lovers

⌙ wc: 3k

⌙ warnings: swearing, some angst, fluffy as hell towards the end, some light drinking (nothing crazy), SHAWN BEING THE BEST BF EVER!!!!!!! but also tom being jealous AF, oh and shirtless tom, poor baby sam swooning but having no balls to say anything :(

⌙ pairing: tom holland x fem!reader with a lil bit of shawn mendes x fem!reader 

masterlist ⎸ chapter three ⎸ chapter five ⎸ listen

                                ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

tom was losing his absolute mind. 

sure, it was no secret that tom was in love with you. anyone with eyes and brain cells would be able to tell just by spending 2 minutes in a room with the two of you.

however, he felt as though he wasn’t good enough. like there was someone who would be way better for you. someone who could be your knight in shining armor, show you their vulnerable side, be everything you desperately wanted tom to be.

so, when he found out that you had went to shawn’s gig, part of him was relieved that you had moved on from his chaos, the way he pulled you in one minute and the next he was pushing you away in fear of letting someone get close to him again. but, he couldn’t deny that part of him ached, part of him broke at the sight of shawn walking you to the front door. 

and what really sealed the deal was when you leaned in with a smile on your face as you kissed shawn on the lips. 

that’s when he knew for sure that he was just a thought all the way in the back of your head. 

the next morning, everyone sat in the kitchen while eating breakfast, making small talk. everyone mostly asking about how your date went, which caused a the heat to creep onto your cheeks. however, it made his blood boil at the fact that shawn was everything you wanted. everything you tom wanted to be for you, but couldn’t. 

“it was good,” you smiled, poking at the eggs on your plate that sam had made for you, “he’s really sweet. i think you guys would like him.”

“we should have him for dinner tonight,” nikki smiled, “i know the mendes family pretty well, all of them are lovely.”

“yeah, sounds like a great idea.” your mom agreed.

“meeting the guy that my sister made out with on the front porch, no thanks.” austin joked, causing everyone to roll their eyes.

“gonna have to agree with austin on that one,” harry joked, “they’re gonna make kissy-faces at each other the whole time.”

you flung a piece of pancake at the boy, hitting him right in the center of his forehead. paddy giggled next to you, giving you a high five, “nice aim!”

“listen, let’s just give him a shot, yeah?” sam said, “if he makes y/n happy, then it’s worth meeting him.”

tom hadn’t said a word, eyes suddenly interested in his plate. your eyes fell onto his figure, your lips meeting the edge of the mug, speaking before taking a sip of coffee. 

“what do you think, tom?”

you watched as he looked up at you, his normally warm, brown eyes suddenly cold. you raised an eyebrow as you watched him put down his fork.

“doesn’t matter to me.” he shrugged, getting up from the table as he cleared his plate. you turned to look at him.

“maybe alicia can come too, might as well make it a whole thing.” you said, smirking into your mug as he gave you ‘shut the fuck up’ look. 

“who’s alicia?” nikki asked, turning to the oldest boy.

“no one.”

“mhm, she’s no one alright.” harry chuckled.

“wait, alicia garnett?” your brother asked.

“since when?” it was paddy’s turn to look confused.

“you know she’s kind of a whore, right?” 

tom rolled his eyes at your brothers words, you turning around and smacking him in the forehead, “ow!”

“you’re an ass.”

“it’s true!”

“well, you don’t have to call her a whore.”

“i mean, she’s slept with half the town.”

you rolled your eyes, letting nikki take the floor, “if you’d like to invite her, you can. i’d like to meet her, you know.”

“me too,” your mom smiled, “and who’s to say she isn’t what everyone thinks she is.”

she eyed your brother and he raised his hands in fake surrender, “i’m just telling you what i’ve heard.”

“yeah, well, we don’t need to hear about it.” you mumbled.

tom nodded, sighing, “alright, alright, i’ll see if she wants to come.”

you cleared your plate, putting the dishes in the sink before making your way upstairs. you squeaked as someone grabbed your arm, pulling you into a bedroom before the door shut behind you. 

“are you proud of yourself or something?” it was tom’s voice.

you crossed your arms, “why would it matter if she’s more than just a fuck buddy to you?”

he groaned, “because… i don’t know how i feel about her yet.”

“guess you better figure it out.” you shrugged, going to reach for the door handle but tom stepped in front of you,

“can i go? i have to make sure kat can come in this weekend.”

“not until you talk to me about what’s going on.”

you scoffed, rolling your eyes in complete annoyance, “nothing’s going on, tom.”

“you sure?”

you huffed, “look, you’re the one who tried to kiss me on the beach just to move on the next day. i’m sorry, but whatever kind of emotional rollercoaster this is,” you motioned back and forth between the two of you, “i don’t want it. i’ve got a guy who’s sweet, treats me like a fucking princess, and is actually clear with what he wants, which is me. if you can’t accept the fact that i moved on from you and your bullshit, that sounds like a personal issue.”

he stared at you blankly as you pushed past him, reaching for the door, “until then, worry about your own relationship and i’ll worry about mine.”

he flinched as his door slammed shut behind him, making him groan as he plopped down onto the bed. he knew you were right, you had every reason in the book to hate him right now. he knew he played with your emotions, he knew that he fucked up big time, but he didn’t know how to make it right. he didn’t know how to get you back. 

your phone buzzed as you got a text from kat.

kat any updates? 

y/n nothing much other than tom’s an asshole and i think i really like shawn

kat good. if tom can’t get his priorities straight and realize that it’s been you this entire time, then you shouldn’t have to wait around for him.  also shawn’s a cutie, who wouldn’t like him 😉

you looked up as there was a soft knock on your door, meeting sam’s eyes as he softly smiled, “up for the beach?”

you nodded, “yeah, just give me a second.”

he nodded back at you, walking out of the door and leaving it cracked open the tiniest bit. 

y/n you’re right.  i’ll check in with you later after shawn comes for dinner, gonna go catch some waves with sam. 

kat sam 😏 ya know, i’ve always been team sam

y/n 🙄 goodbye, katarina <3

kat goodbye y/n 🥰

you locked your phone and threw it down on the bed before picking out a bathing suit. you grabbed a bathing suit from your bag, throwing on a big t-shirt overtop. you met sam downstairs, the two of you heading out to the beach. 

you two talked amongst yourselves, giggling and having a good time. sam always knew how to get your mind off of things.

“you excited for everyone to meet shawn?” he asked and you shrugged. 

“i don’t know,” you bit down on your bottom lip, “i just don’t know how tom’s going to react.”

“yeah, didn’t seem too happy about it earlier.”

you nodded, “i know.”

“which, sounds like his problem.”

you shot him a confused look, an eyebrow raised, “not that i don’t disagree, but what do you mean?”

“please, it’s not like we all don’t know he’s had a thing for you for years,” he laughed, “plus, mom did say that you were destined for one of us, minus paddy.”

you smiled, remembering when nikki told you that, “yeah, well, i guess destiny isn’t mine and tom’s thing.”

he chuckled again, “doesn’t really seem like it, huh?”

“whatever, it’s his loss,” you shrugged, “if he can’t tell me what he wants then why should i wait around for him to tell me? i deserve better than that.”

he nodded, “you deserve the best.”

you smiled, “thanks, sam.”

he nodded, looking towards the house as the sun shone down on you. your hair was falling perfectly around your face, your eyes glistening in the sunlight. the way the water droplets fell from your skin was mesmerizing. 

he was in awe. 

“i guess i should head back soon, i gotta get ready for dinner and make sure shawn’s still coming.”

he nodded, “yeah, sure thing. i’ll probably be out here for a little while longer and then head in.”

you smiled before paddling to shore on your board, “see you back at the house!”

you made your way inside, running up the steps. you gathered your things to take a shower, walking into the hallway only to bump into someone who was shirtless and dripping wet. 

your cheeks burned as you realized it was tom. 

“sorry,” he apologized, moving around you, “didn’t mean to bump into you.”

you couldn’t help it, your eyes followed the way his abs dipped and curved, the way the towel sat lowly on his hips, his dripping wet curls hanging over his forehead. he smirked as your eyes traveled his body, watching you contently. 

“just watch where you’re going next time.” your voice was laced with sarcasm. 

“watch where your eyes wander next time.”

you rolled your eyes, refusing to let him believe that you were still somewhat into him. yeah, shawn was great and everything you wanted, but tom was always going to be in the back of your mind. like an annoying, nagging feeling that won’t leave you alone no matter how hard you try. 

after your shower, you made your way back to your room. you decided to facetime shawn, just to make sure he was still able to come tonight. 

he picked up after a few rings, smiling into the camera as he laid in bed, “hey,”

“hi,” you smiled back, “sorry if i interrupted anything.”

he shook his head, rustling coming from his side of the call as he situated himself to sit up, “‘s okay, everything alright?” 

you nodded, “just wanted to make sure you were still coming tonight.”

“of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

you smiled, a blush forming on your cheeks, “nikki wants to know if you like seafood.”

he nodded, “not my favorite, but i’ll eat it,” he smiled, “i’m sure anything she cooks is good.”

you laughed, “it is, actually.”

“sounds great,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “should i bring anything?”

“just yourself.” you smiled.

“okay, i’ll bring a bottle of rosé.”

you smiled, “if you insist.”

“i do, i refuse to come empty handed, my mom taught me better than that,” he smiled back at you, “also, what’s nikki and your moms favorite flowers?”

you scrunched your nose, thinking about it, “for nikki it’s probably daisies and my mom is simple, she likes white roses.”

he nodded, “alright, i got a few stops to make in town and then i’ll be over.”

you watched as he slipped a shirt over his head, his keys jingling in the microphone shortly after, “take your time.”

“well, i don’t want to keep you waiting.”

you smiled, “i don’t mind.”

he smirked down into the camera, “i’ll remember this.”

you laughed, “drive safe, i’ll see you soon.”

“see you soon, beautiful.”

you smiled before ending the call, squealing quietly to yourself before quickly clicking onto kat’s contact. she picked up almost right away.

“long time no see,” she smiled, “what’s up?”

“it’s confirmed,” you smiled, “i really like shawn.”

                               ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

the doorbell rang as you ran down the steps, “i’ll get it!”

you opened the door and smiled as shawn held up three bouquets of flowers and a bottle of rosé. you smiled, taking the bottle from him to help him carry things inside, “what’s all this?”

“a good first impression,” he smiled, kissing your cheek softly, “these are for your mom and nikki.”

you smiled, your heart beating quickly as you closed the door behind him, “you’re so sweet. c’mon, i’ll introduce you.”

he followed you into the kitchen where nikki, your mom, austin, paddy and harry were sitting. everyone was quick to say hello, shawn shaking hands with the boys and offering the flowers to the moms. they both smiled and accepted them, also mentioning how it was a sweet gesture. you left the boys to talk as you followed your mom and nikki into the kitchen to open the bottle of wine. 

“he’s handsome,” your mom smirked, rubbing her shoulder against yours, giggling, “and respectful.”

“he’s great, y/n. a 10 in my book.”

you laughed at both of the women in front of you, shaking your head as you grabbed two wine glasses, “you two are insufferable.”

“c’mon! if i were you, i'd be all over that.” your mom laughed and you scrunched your nose, letting out a chuckle as you shook your head. 

“gross, don’t ever say that again,” you laughed with the other two, walking back into the dining room with the two wine glasses. you handed one to shawn, him smiling and thanking you as you sat down in the chair next to him. 

“so, you’ve played guitar your whole life?” harry asked. shawn nodded. 

“yeah, pretty much,” he smiled, “i learned from watching youtube videos on how to play ed sheeran songs.”

“i wish i was good at playing an instrument,” paddy sighed, “i tried piano, but i wasn’t good so i gave up.”

“that’s what practice is for,” shawn said, pulling the glass away from his lips, “if you want, i could teach you how to play, show you a few pointers.”

“really?” paddy’s face lit up, “that’s awesome! thanks, mate.”

shawn nodded and smiled back. you smiled at him as he made eye contact. 

“so, is the infamous katarina coming next weekend?” he asked. 

“yeah, she is,” you smiled, “and she’s really excited to meet you.”

he widened his eyes a little, “guess i gotta make a really good impression.”

“shouldn’t be too hard.” you smiled, biting down on your bottom lip to try to contain it. 

“i don’t know, seems like a big deal.”

“please, if you can make it through this dinner, you should be able to handle kat.”

you heard sam as he entered the room, “that’s a lie, kat is like a hurricane. she’s kinda crazy.”

you rolled your eyes playfully at sam, “she’s not crazy, she’s just… a concerned friend.”

sam scoffed, “yeah, we can say that,” he smiled as he shook shawn’s hand, “sam, by the way. nice to meet you.”

“nice to meet you, too.” shawn smiled. you watched as tom was the last one to sit down at the table, nodding his head towards shawn.

“hey, mate.”

“hey, man. what’s up,” he greeted back, reaching to shake tom’s hand, “shawn.”

tom shook his hand, “tom.”

you watched as tom’s eyes locked with yours for a split second, the warm brown eyes once again cold as he saw you with shawn. he clenched his jaw as he sat down, not wanting to sit across from you and the guy who was everything he couldn’t be for you. 

nikki and your mom, thankfully, came out with the food in their hands as they placed everything down on the table, “who’s hungry.”

you felt shawn’s nerves from his seat next to you, giving his hand a squeeze under the table. he squeezed back, smiling as you made eye contact. 

the dinner talk consisted of everyone getting to know shawn a little better and talking about everyone’s favorite summer activities. but, of course, austin had to ruin the moment with an embarrassing story from when you were younger. 

that’s when you grabbed shawn’s hand, leaving the table as you led him up the stairs, “okay, i’m done with this conversation. you all have fun.”

everyone laughed as harry called out to you, “oh, come on! at least leave shawn!” 

you two laughed, “over my dead body, holland.”

you made your way into your room, closing the door behind you, “sorry, they get to be a little much.”

he waved you off, “it’s alright, i get it.”

you sat down on the bed, gesturing to the room, “this is me. not much, but that’s what i like about it.”

“that and this view,” shawn said as he looked out the large window, “i’d never leave this room.” 

you smiled, getting up and wrapping your arms around him from behind, resting your cheek on his back, “that’s another favorite part.”

he smiled, turning around as his arms wrapped around your torso this time, “i can’t deny a great view when i see one.”

you blushed softly, “me either.”

he smiled as his hand reached up and cupped your cheek into his hand softly, leaning down slowly as his nose pressed up against yours, “can i ask you something?”

you nodded, biting down softly on your lower lip as he continued, “i know it hasn’t been very long, but i really really like you and i was just wondering if you’d wanna be official, like be my… girlfriend?”

you smiled, “i really like you, too. and yes, i’d love to be your girlfriend.”

he smiled, leaning down and softly pressing his lips to yours. you both smiled into the kiss, breaking apart after a little while. you led him to bed bed, the both of you laying down. he grabbed the stuffed bear from under his back, laughing softly as you grabbed your tv remote from the nightstand. 

“who’s this?”

you chuckled, “that’s beary.”

“beary? you couldn’t have come up with a better name?” he joked and you laughed, snatching the brown stuffed bear from his hands. 

“i was 4! leave me alone.”

he laughed, pulling you so you were laying on top of him, both legs on either side of his hips. you smiled as you braced yourself, hands resting against his chest as his landed on your hips. 

he giggled, “poor beary. he’s stuck dealing with the worst name in history.”

you rolled your eyes, laughing as you smacked him playfully with the pillow, “shut up!”

add yourself to my tagged list here

tagged:

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[fanworldbuildingfun]

Tonight I have two moods:

·         Desmond angst with Bleeding Effect

·         And Desmond being reborn as Al Mualim’s surprise kid

(note of warning: these are NOT in the same universe) (Unless?)

1.       Desmond angst with Bleeding Effect

So. This one leans heavily into feeling of entrapment that never went away after Abstergo. Desmond DID technically go from being used as Animus subject to being used as Animus subject. Admittedly, he did swap the relatively comfy accommodations for relatively better company (listen. Listen I may not dig the ascetic glass-n-white style Abstergo rocks, but I can appreciate that the room looked like a good hotel room). But that negate the fact that he, technically, had no real choice in either scenario

And here, instead of learning to trust Lucy/Shawn/Rebecca, Desmond instead clings to the memories of his ancestors. After all, they have neither any way nor any reason to use him, right?

He’s amicable with the team. Jokes sometimes, has lighthearted impersonal talks – basically, treats them as colleagues at most. But whatever vulnerability there is, is shown to the people he sees during Bleeds

So leaning against where he sees a ghostly Ezio sitting on his bed, or laying on the floor where he can see barely-there shades of throw pillows and rugs that normally sit in Altaïr’s office? It’s comforting. And so is the skritch of quill on parchment as Altaïr writes… Something

To Desmond, it’s not real

But for his ancestors, from the moment they held the Apple in their hands? The shadowy form of Desmond is very much real. Ezio can feel the press of Desmond’s body against his side. Altair can see how the pillows dip under Desmond’s weight

And Desmond probably wouldn’t have said half the things he did if he realized that the ghostly Connor who was making his own arrows across from him was listening. That they all listened. And could do precisely nothing

2.       Desmond as Al Mualim’s surprise kid

This is a complete and utter crack taken seriously(-ish). No one can prove Al Mualim never had any lovers, in or out of the garden. And he is not THAT old, by our standards (the man is killed at 56. Only 56!)

But he never did plan to sire a child. There was no time nor desire had for one

Except, no one thought to tell whatever Isu-bull went on with the Temple that

So in 1174, he gets “blessed” with a child from his preferred Flower who had never, to point, had a pregnancy. Ever *thoughtfully sprinkles in some more Isu bullshit because the lady genuinely never had it be an issue*

One may think Al Mualim would be the kind of man who would be a distant parent, or just forbid anyone from speaking of him having a child. But nope. Instead, Al Mualim goes completely Rodrigo Borgia over his newborn daughter

[oceangirl24]

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Shawn's expectations for gifts for himself were not high. He really didn't expect much after all Jon and Audrey had done for him. Anything would make him happy.

When he opened his first gift from them, he was stunned. It was the pair of Rollerblades he'd been eyeing at the Franklin Mills Mall every time he and Cory went there to hang out. He wasn't even aware that Jon or Audrey knew he wanted these exact ones. And he felt his expression of gratitude was inadequate.

The rollerblades were just the start and every gift he unwrapped brought him closer to tears. He never mentioned any of the stuff he received and yet they'd somehow managed to get him exactly what he would have bought for himself if he had the money:

CDs from his favorite bands, Sony MDR-V6 headphones, and gift certificates to clothing stores at the mall.

Shawn smiled. He appreciated being able to pick out his own clothes although he had no doubt Audrey and Jon would have done a better job putting together a wardrobe for him than Mrs. Matthews.

He still had nightmares about that yellow hoodie.

The last gift was a stack of four hardback books and a set of writing pens. The books were all blank inside.

He looked up at Jon and Audrey quizzically.

"Jon noticed that you do a lot of writing," Audrey said.

"Yeah, I do," Shawn looked at Jon. His expression flickered between pleased and confused. "How did you know I was writin' and not drawin'?"

"Aside from the Welfare poem your stuff for my class is pretty good. Writin' seemed like somethin' you were into," Jon shrugged. "I dunno. You just looked like that's what you're doin'."

"Yeah, I kinda like it. Sounds weird comin' from me though, huh?"

Jon shook his head. "Not really. Everyone needs an outlet. Writin's not so unusual."

Shawn sat back on his heels with a look of contemplation on his face. "How did you know, though? I don't sit around on the couch doin' it."

"Yeah, I know. Sometimes I walk by your room and see you on the bed with a notebook. You sure aren't doin' homework 'cause you're obviously interested in what you're doin'."

Shawn smiled.

"And sometimes, I get really thoughtful responses from you in class, particularly when poetry comes up."

"You never asked to see what I was doin'."

"It seemed personal."

"It is. But I have some stuff I could show you." Shawn bit his lip to stop himself from getting too excited. He'd been wanting to share his work with Jon for a while but was unsure if his teacher would be into it. "I mean if you're interested."

"I am, Shawn," Jon smiled, relieved that the teen was open to letting him into his world. "I really am."

"Cool," Shawn ducked his head. He was secretively pleased that Jon wanted to see his stuff. He'd have to find a few of his best poems for his teacher. He looked up again and said, "Thanks, Jon. I really needed some new ones."

"I noticed that too." Jon could tell this offer of vulnerability was overwhelming his charge, so he said flippantly, "Now stop stealin' supplies from my desk at school."

Shawn laughed as he turned one of the journals over in his hands. "Yeah sure."

As the video played, Jon understood why Shawn had been insistent on hauling around the video camera from school wherever he could-he'd been documenting the entire month of December. He sat quietly watching the tape, leaning forward on the edge of the couch with his hand over his mouth.

At one point Audrey looked over at him and saw that tears were shining in his eyes. She reached over to him and took his hand. It was a lengthy film and they watched it all the way through. When it was over, Jon reached over to Shawn and guided him to sit between them.

"Best gift I've ever gotten, Shawn," he said quietly.

"Really?" Shawn had never seen his teacher this teary-eyed like this before.

"Uh-huh."

"That was amazing, Shawn," Audrey told him. "You've got such a talent with the camera. I love it so much."

Shawn couldn't hide his pride. He was relieved and pleased that they were so happy with it.

"Shawn," Jon asked. "When did you find time to do this?"

Shawn smiled. "You know those times I went to Cory's the last couple of weeks?"

Jon and Audrey nodded.

"Well, actually Mr. Matthews was dropping us off at school and Mr. Williams let us use the film editing department."

"We had no idea," Audrey laughed.

"Good!" Shawn exclaimed. "You weren't supposed to."

"I'm so glad you thought to film everythin'," Jon said. "It didn't even occur to me to take pictures."

"Oh, I did a lot of that, too," he told them. He jumped up and grabbed the ancient camera that Mr. Matthews had let him borrow.

Jon gave Audrey a sly look and she smirked back at him.

"You think we should give him his last present?" he asked her.

"Seems like the right time," she said, pointing to a box under the tree that Shawn had somehow missed seeing.

"You guys really didn't have to get me anythin' else. Like really. This," he motioned to the room. "is more than enough."

"Tough, kid," Jon joked. "Open the box."

Shawn smiled and sat down to open the last gift. He tore the paper off and stopped. He stared at the box beneath the paper.

No way it was what it said it was on the box.

It had to be a joke and there was something else inside. No way was there really a Canon Rebel S 35mm SLR camera in that box.

But there was.

Shawn was stunned. It was the most beautiful camera he'd ever seen. And it was his.

All his.

No more borrowing twenty-year-old cameras that took grainy pictures.

Audrey leaned against Jon, took his hand, and interlaced her fingers with his as they watched the wonderment on Shawn's face as he examined the gift. The teen finally turned to them with tears in his eyes. He was speechless and the only thing he could do was to hug them as tightly as possible.

Read the Rest:

AO3 FFN Wattpad

[sleepy-achilles]

Protector x Sunshine x Grumpy Guard Dog

I'll make this a thing if it's the last thing I do.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't ask them how it started, they couldn't tell you.

It was supposed to be a one night stand after a taping of heartbreak hotel.

But Shawn got conflicted as he didn't want his relationship with Kevin and taker to be impacted by his dumb urges. He has a kid who's attached to them that he has to think about when making these decisions.

It infact makes their relationship stronger.

Taker and Kevin become more of a figure in John's life and shawn falls even harder for them both.

They work well. Kevin is the protector, he's able to protect both taker and shawn. Both are vulnerable and both struggle with that and yet he can help. He's also able to stand takers full strength whilst shawn can't.

Shawns the sunshine. He's able to ground both men and keep them calm. He's also able to rile them up if it benefits him. But he is a brat so it's expected from him.

Taker? Takers the grump guard dog who will hurt anyone who hurts his boys. You don't fuck with takers boys or his kids. Mess with him all you want, but not them.

Also, plus is, the family of destruction still works because the kids have always seen Kevin as a third dad, so yeah, Leon and cassie can still chill.

It's basically the same, John and Leon get teased for having three dads instead of two.

Taker is the firm dad, kevins the firm but fun dad and shawns the mama bear, he's the caring and most likely to freak out if something happens.

Anyways. Shawn is the cook, kevins the dish washer and taker puts them away. Takers the main driver, kevins the back up driver and shawns a passenger princess. Taker does DIY, shawn cannot and neither can Kevin.

Kevin and shawn love pda and takers a bit iffy about it.

Shawn loves nicknames and so does aba taker.

Kevin is quick to correct Shawn on any of his bullshit whilst taker will just store it away for a later, much kinkier, time.

Shawn is quick to scold Kevin and taker for ignoring medical advice despite them not allowing him too.

Taker is quick to put both of them in time out, because let's face it, Kevin and shawn are the class clowns. The shit stirrers, the troublemakers and well taker is the lockeroom leader so either way he has to put up with it.

Kevin leaves. And it does cause some problems at home. Cassies lucky she's not existing at this time.

Taker watches as it destroys Shawn. And when Shawn becomes a wreck the whole family falls apart. Taker understands both sides but for once, he has to be the protector. He has to ground Shawn and reassure Kevin its whats best. He has to promise John and Leon that Pops (idk if imma stick with pops or go with pater which is Latin for dad) isn't leaving them, that he will still come home to them, he's just moved companies for a reason that will benefit them more.

John and Leon understand a lot more than their parents think. But they help their father as much as they can with papa and how destroyed he's become.

Kevin, because we know his medical history, ends up becoming the stay at home dad eventually, so he does school runs and all that. He doesn't mind it, he enjoys it. A lot more than he thought he would.

Takers multiple deaths.

Interesting convo starter. Shawn is obviously always destroyed by them and Kevin? Kevin is aswell, but he always keeps a strong face on for his family because they need a rock.

It's important to note this isnt shawns relationship. Kevin and taker do love each other too.

Shawns back injury.

Not gonna lie, Kevin was angry at taker at first. Furious. But then when he came home he realised how bad Shawn had gotten with his drug problem. He knew it was probably for the best. And then he sees how badly taker is being on himself.

It becomes clear to him, its an accident. Its beating taker up. He sees how much Shawn forgives him. So Kevin apologies to taker and decides that they all need to heal.

That's the main, important points I can think of.

Yes I'm taking asks for them.

Yes I know I still have asks to answer but I got the world's hottest writers block so I'm trying new things rn.

[thehitchhikerguide]

Season 2, Episode 6: Videodate

Let me start out by saying this is one of the best episodes I've seen so far. The sleeze, the revenge plot, crazy 80's visuals...all perfect for a Hitchhiker episode.

The famous guest star this week is Shannon Tweed, known for being in some not-so-recognizable movies and also for being Gene Simmon's wife. I know her from Hot Dog...The Movie, which I guess is a must see for anyone who has ever been a skier or just likes a lot of full-frontal in their movies. The main male character is played by Gregg Henry, who looks to have a decent acting career, but I didn't recognize him. I thought he maybe looked like a low rent James Woods.

We start out with a woman who has very 80's hair watching a video dating service tape of a guy who is making it out to be his first time doing something like this. She is charmed by his vulnerability.

You can see by her joker-like smile, he has sealed the deal. He takes her out to an art exhibit and I have to say this is something I would love to go to even now. There is an area where you can smash a TV:

I mean, that is a really fun date!

Then we see the exhibit of a hot new artist named Monique. Wait, what? It's always weird when I hear other characters on TV with my name, since I don't hear it too often. I guess with a Canadian show, it was just a matter of time.

This is an art exhibit I would love to go to. People with TV heads that play some sort of strange video. It's creepy and disturbing and I'm all in for it.

This one represents the woman TV head's fantasy of running off with another man (shown on the TV). Of course our male character decides to man-splain to his date and also mention that he knows the artist. She seems to be watching this conversation behind him, unamused.

At least I think that is the artist...right? I guess they don't say but it seemed obvious at this point.

By now, the date is going really well.

Well that was a cool art exhibit so I kind of get it, even though he looks like a creep whose hair is just hanging on for dear life. She seems pretty vulnerable and mentions to him that she doesn't want this to be a one night stand. He tells her what she wants to hear...

...then immediately rushes her into a cab. After she is gone, we find out that wasn't even his apartment! He has been paying his friend who is a doorman to use people's apartments for these sleezy videodates.

As he drive away, we see something we haven't seen in awhile.

Oh yeah I almost forgot, there was also this weird image and some video game noise. Not sure what this is, his car is in a video game now?

Haha, as usual, perfect butt is on display. Man, he looks like he could double for George Michael in this shot. Anyways, we see the main character interacting with the Hitchhiker. He refuses to give him a ride.

Also, we are over 8 minutes into the episode before he shows up! We learn that this main dude is named Jack Rhodes. He has a lot of disguises and thinks he is the master of the illusion. But Jack is not the only one with tricks up his sleeve. Yes! Comeuppance! Comeuppance!

So this guy Jack is actually a salesman at an electronics store. He likes to brag to his coworkers about these conquests.

Co-workers Joey McIntyre and Wallace Shawn are not impressed.

We see the female video artist at the store as he is making a sale using his dynamic personality. She is still observing his behavior with disgust. When he gets home he notices a package at his door.

Wait a minute, am I watching Lost Highway now?

We get a good look at his apartment and his "last known photo" board and notice something a little weird.

Nice, huh? But what I'm not showing is that he has a section on this board labeled "foxes" and there are no photos under there.

He settles in to watch the mysterious tape.

Oh no, why does it look like Videodrome now? How many movies are in this?

Honestly I would be crapping my pants right now.

I mean I know it's a hot babe, but this video is still very disturbing.

Anyways, it's Monique, the artist in her underwear. She is saying her name is Barbara and that she wants to go on a date with Jack. Does he think this is from the video dating service, because I wouldn't think they just plop unmarked tapes in front of his door. I thought you had to go to a place to watch the tapes. Well despite this, she's a fox and we've established he's never been with a fox so he is up for anything.

Hmm, now it looks like Blue Velvet. I should probably stop obsessing over these movie references.

Their first date is playing video games. He plays a round and then she sets out to beat his score. She is the original gamer girl! Maybe she WAS creating a videogame from videotaping his car.

I immediately recognize the video game sounds to be from the game Centipede, however the game they show is shooting the letter E for some reason.

Maybe it's also an eye test, who knows. Defeat Enron!

She cuts the date off with the promise that they will see each other again. She invites him to her place for dinner. The building looks run down and this elevator...

I know, but now it looks like we are in an Adrian Lyne movie! Okay I'll stop.

She's cooking him dinner and he is being a total gentleman.

It's not a Hitchhiker episode without someone leering.

Monique changes in a dominatrix-type outfit under her clothes. They have dinner and retire to the bedroom. Jack immediately lets Monique tie him to the bed.

She reveals her sexy outfit and asks if he wants to play a game called Blastoff. I mean, it sounds pretty sexy right? Sounds like code for something else?

She puts on this neon metronome and says he has 1 minute to free himself or he will blastoff. Pretty cryptic.

This thing keeps booping faster and faster as Monique explains that she knows how he treats other women. Jack is upset and sounds like he wants to kill her, demanding she free him. The metronome goes even faster and then...

...his genitals explode? It looks like he dies in ball of flames. Wow what an ending!

Oh wait there's more.

I guess she had been filming this whole thing for her newest art installation. The people watching the exhibit seem confused, maybe they've never seen an episode of The Hitchhiker before.

There is an announcement showing the artist Monique is there and we get this big reveal.

It's Barbara! I mean, I knew she was the artist all along, were we only supposed to get that now?

Anyways, The Hitchhiker is leaving the art museum telling us that Jack Rhodes used the state of the art in video to get what he wanted (really, VCRs state of the art?) but when he had to do it for the sake of art , he went to pieces. Haha! Good one Page! An actual joke! I think he's enjoying Jack's suffering a little more than he should.

Let that be a lesson to everyone...pick up hitchhikers.

As I said before, this was a great episode that had it all, even the confusing ending. I mean, what actually happened to Jack and how did he explode like that? It's episodes like this that keeps me coming back for more, so until next time, be nice to people named Monique!

[feralgodmothers]

I mean. What with his attitude crypticness and general personality. Luke’s nephew could’ve been part of a cult. Hell. He could’ve been head of a cult. I wouldn’t put anything past that kid. Except perhaps the ability to be kind to others. Other than that the moron was unpredictable.

You’re gonna get me assassinated today lol

But I’m 100% gonna take this concept seriously and analyze the crap out of it, because it’s fun for me (and what are fandoms for, if not to push canon boundaries and experiment with little fictional guys?). 

So.

Do I think that (under the right circumstances) Jess could ever join a cult?

And here’s why:

I’ve always thought of Jess as a much ruder version of Shawn Hunter from Boy Meets World. And anyone who’s watched Boy Meets World knows that for one episode - SHAWN ACTUALLY DID JOIN A CULT. 

Now let’s dive a little deeper into cults and the people who fall victim to them, shall we?

I know that society in general (heck, even the show Jess is a part of), tends to look down on and make fun of people who get mixed up in a cult. They view it as something only “dumb” people do, because an “intellegent” person would never fall for that.  But cult victims really can’t (and shouldn’t) be measured in terms of intellegence - but rather in terms of emotional vulnerability.

Now, Shawn Hunter isn’t stupid. Sure, he’s had plenty of dumb moments for the sake of laughs (because Boy Meets World is a sitcom) - but for all intents and purposes, he’s a pretty bright kid. He actually caught on fairly quickly that the group he was with, was in fact a cult. 

But cult leaders are master manipulators. They know how to find emotionally vulnerable people who feel like they have something missing in their life (purpose, belonging, etc.), and they zero in on that and offer you the very thing you’re looking for in order to suit their own hidden agenda. 

Now back to Jess. I believe it’s very possible that if just the right person found him at just the right time and gave him just the right pitch - he could join a cult.

Some would probably argue that Jess is too emotionally guarded for that, but I would counter it with: Shawn was emotionally guarded as well.  Being guarded doesn’t change the fact that everyone has needs.  And when those needs not being met mixes with you having trouble finding direction - that is prime time for getting swept up by a cult leader.

Now with regards to Jess being said cult leader, I’d say - close, but no cigar.  I don’t see him quite fitting that mold. However, I do think that under the right circumstances, he could be a cult leader’s right-hand man. We’ve seen that he can be very driven and determined when his heart is set on a certain path, and he can even excel when he chooses to. If you took him with that same mindset/personality into the hypothetical situation of joining a cult that has an objective he believes in? BOOM. Right-hand man, easily. I think he could reach that position the same way he: 1) got employee of the month at Walmart, 2), wrote and published a book, and 3) started a business - with quiet, steady, diligent work and smarts. 

(I know you probably didn’t sign up for a full-blown essay anon, and I’m sorry lol. I just thought about it, and became fascinated by how plausible it could be. 😂)

[whatagirlwants]

Someone said sabrina spills some tea on her new album, spill tea about who 👀 Dylan and shawn? Maybe. She kinda spilled some tea on her unreleased songs but since the album is called sweet, i thought it would be about barry

hi i just saw all my inbox so gonna reply to everything even if its old

albums out by now we know its shawn getting lashings and not dob, dob’s song is “just kareoke” which was so vulnerable of sabrina i wouldnt have expected thats how she felt during that time

[nadircozy]

This playlist is comprised of songs that you would play on a long flight or rainy day. On those particular days you’re either resting or reflecting on things to make the time pass. I happened to put this playlist together in the passenger seat, of a long car ride. The smooth but melancholy feeling that you get from these tracks execute the theme perfectly. In this playlist, you’ll hear the likes of PARTYNEXTDOOR, Kanye West, Drake, Saba, and dwn2earth.

“30 Hours” -Kanye West

This song rings in my head until this day because of the addicting loop in the background sung by Andre 3000. I discovered this track my freshman year of high school, I remember walking through the hallways listening to it in between classes. On this track Kanye is speaking from a higher place but a vulnerable one simultaneously. With lines like “Im remember rapping for Jay and Cam, a young producer just tryna get his flows off, I remember being nervous to do Victoria Secret

'Til I pictured everybody with they clothes off” These lines give us some foresight into his past, rapping about how he started in the music industry and opening up about being nervous to do something when the Kanye we know today isn’t nervous about

“30 for 30 freestyle” -Drake

I didn’t have to go through any rabbit holes to find this song just like the previous song, this is by a top mainstream artist. The keys on this song make up the melody and the drums are subtle but apparent. The title is foreshadowing as he goes into reflecting on his career but aside from his career, the things he’s seeing. When he raps “I'm talking bigger shit than you and I

Kids'll lose their lives, got me scared of losing mine

And if I hold my tongue about it, I get crucified” With the current climate of society being even worse then what it was in 2015, those words still ring true in 2023.

“Prom / King” -Saba

I discovered this song through the creator Shawn Cee. This eight minute track packs so much emotion, literally taking you through the motions. The chicago MC takes you through adolescence, to present day leaving it all in the booth. The instrumentation is always important but the words fill every void on this track. The opening line sets the tone “This remind me of before we had insomnia

Sleepin' peacefully, never needed a pile of drugs”

“AROUND 10” Dwn2earth

Again, through creator Shawn Cee I was put onto Dwn2earth in 2021. I fell in love with the way this track sounded but the content is what made it suitable for a rainy day. The singer sings about the current conditions of his relationship with a line like “Even when we f*ck girl, we arguing” he’s speaking to having conflict with someone while being sexually intimate, usually sex resolves conflict so it appears as a conundrum.

“ANOTHER DAY” - PARTYNEXTDOOR

After initially not being one of my favorite albums upon the first couple listens, this song snuck up on me. As he continuously repeats “There’s always another day” it makes me think about how true that is no matter what you’re doing in life. In the song he’s speaking to being intimate with someone for the first time and taking time to wait. But, I had a different connection with the song as I explained.

In conclusion, these songs impact you in a way that only you feel when you have time to feel all of subconscious thoughts and emotions lurking. This playlist helps you sit through you and enjoy introspection more than you usually would.

#kanyewest #kanye #yeezus #Drake #PARTYNEXTDOOR #music #trending #blog

[grapesodadarkchocolate]

Eating with crooked forks (Part 2)

COVID-19 this week: 

Before sunrise thoughts: Coming out from under the pandemic rock. The more I am present, the more I see. Feeling the ferocity of your anger or the inconsistency of your reluctance to hold yourself responsible for harmful actions inflicted on to others. The sharpness of your sarcasm and the deafening quiet of your silence. It is all there for me in surround sound. +++

“We must ask questions that will open new horizons. How [else] shall we grow into the demands of what is beyond us?”— Bruce Kramer

Ramble write: 

“Our real power comes from… 

Tines pointed skyward. Forks soldier straight and at attention. What will be the impact of the crooked forks on the days yet to unfold? Coming to more profound attention at holidays, weddings, and funerals. Naming themselves more astutely at times when truth is clamoring to be seen and heard. Where the cover, the lack of honesty, asks to be thrown to the ground and the real seeks to be named. The crooked forks play a part. They thwart truth’s potential, slanting the reality ever so slightly, it may not even be seen for what it truly is. But when the strobe light is cranked on, and the shadows recede to their respective corners, what is and always has been can come out and be more fully seen.

the courage to deal with our fractured relationships,

Dysfunctional family patterns have been a long fought struggle for me. Not always something I would have been able to name, but it was felt and I am thinking, there is the catch. Accepting the presence of the response before the full understanding of its meaning is identified. What is it that I continue to alight? What is the more I am bringing forward? Not feeling, as time is precious and finite, that it even makes sense to stay entrapped within the patterns confines. I was wondering if remaining in my present family conflict, pushing through and finding myself and others in better standing when we meet the other side, made sense. But alas, truth being known as the reality that it is, “same as, as same is” seems to be the mode of transport in response. 

the vulnerability to acknowledge our hurt feelings, 

Additional understanding is now being seen. As subsequent encounters happen, more is found or shed, the expansiveness of what is felt is greater there as well. It can’t be stuffed back in to a thin throated glass bottle and tossed out to sea. It is there in the place of the ever present. The risk of the hunt. The risk of the reveal. As more is known, more is shown. A bit tricky, I must say. Asking myself, what will I do with what I now know? How do I navigate the truth that is? Having the idea or assumption or hope that having a shared honoring focus with my siblings might make some of the historical family patterns fall. The kicker is that they, the patterns, need to be named when they rise up or more layers will simply be added to the pattern heap, holding stubbornly in place. 

and the awareness to know when our ego shows up.” — Shawn Ginwright 

To bend the fork tines straight again, we need humility and kindness. We need to listen with an honest intent to hear. There must be an intention that not only honors the mission at hand but also the people present without the anger and the ego; without shame and silence. There needs to be more in the mix if there is to be any honest transformation. How silly I was to think that it would be simple. That waving my kindness wand was all it took and all could be right with the world. At least in my little corner of it. 

Being present here and now is truly what I seek. Kindness of action is what I demand. Not accepting other than what I would offer to another, they in turn, are to offer the same back. Not as a tit for a tat, but more as generous spirits engaging with one another. Not as in keeping score, but as a desire to provide the more in the meaning offered. There would need to be a lot of threading through the past, the history that has gotten so enmeshed into itself, to make that happen. Pulling out more that is sought as a way to better understand that there has been a lot of rigidity present. There is much that has been built up and hunkering down in our silos is not the answer. Hearts need to be willing to forge a change. All need to be on board with the idea or it all will remain as it always has been.+++

On my reading shelf: 📘📕📙📗 

Bless the Birds: Living with Love in a Time of Dying by Susan J. Tweit 

Genius of Birds by Jennifer Ackerman

Parting Words: 9 Lessons for a Remarkable Life by Benjamin B. Ferencz 

We Know How This Ends by Bruce Kramer and Cathy Wurzer 

Present binge watch: PBS “All Creatures Great and Small”: Trailer 🎥🐄🐑🐓

Talking Turkey: “The Fall and Rise of Turkeys” by Greg Stanley, Star Tribune: Read, November 20, 2022 🦃

[wordsandshawn]

Anchor

Vulnerable Shawn based off of the first line of Running Low: Weeks on end I’m on the road / Start to lose my sense of home / But not based on the song in its entirety. It’s not a breakup imagine, not in the slightest. 

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~~~

Your phone vibrating on the desk in front of you forces you to look up from your physics notes. Shawn’s name is on the screen, and you hesitate for a moment, but only a moment before you snatch your phone off the desk and speedily walk out of the library, leaving your friends and your books behind. Shawn knew you were studying at the library tonight because you had been texting him earlier. He usually respects your study time, and anytime he knows you’re doing something. He’ll text you randomly even if you’re busy, but he usually only calls you if something is important. You both have busy schedules and are very understanding of the fact that there are certain days you have to be content with just a few text messages throughout the entirety of the day.

“Hello?” You answer as soon as you step out into the cool nighttime air.

“Hi y/n.” Comes his reply, and you wonder if there is something wrong, although if there is, he’s not saying it right away because he lets a moment of silence hang between you after he greets you. 

So you speak, “Hey baby, what’s going on?”.

He exhales loudly on the other side of the phone, so loudly that you can hear it on your end. You can tell that he’s frustrated or exhausted or something, but you don’t know right away exactly what his emotions are at the moment. “I just miss you, I need you here with me. ” He responds. 

“I miss you too, and we’ll be together soon.” You say, wondering if this is the only reason he called. “Are you okay?” You question, trying to figure out what’s going on with him. Him missing you isn’t new, and you understand how he feels because you miss him too, but you’re wondering if there is something else on his mind. 

“Yeah, I just—it’s been a while since I’ve been home.”

“Yeah,” You say simply, your way of encouraging him to continue. You want to know what’s wrong, but you don’t want to push or pry because you know he’ll tell you everything when he’s ready.

“Tour just kind of messes with my head sometimes, you know, messes with my sense of home.”

You don’t really know, because you’d never spent more than a couple of weeks on tour with Shawn, and even when you traveled with him, you weren’t the one that everyone wanted something from. You weren’t the one who had to be up early for radio interviews and on stage every night. If you were with Shawn on tour and you didn’t want to wake up, you didn’t have to. If you wanted to go to sleep early, you could, but he couldn’t just do that.

“You only have a few more weeks left of tour, hun.” You gently remind him, your way of letting him know that it will all come to an end soon.

“I know. I love tour, I mean, you know that.” He responds, and you know he’s just trying to figure out a way to put his thoughts into words, and you want to give him the space he needs to do that, while still being there to support him.

“I do.”

“But it’s just hard. I feel like I’m floating, like I’m not really living, and I think its just because it’s been so long since I’ve been home. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”

“You’ll be back home with me so soon, Shawn.” You try to reassure him, but even you’re starting to doubt everything now. You’re starting to wonder if he’s really going to be okay.

“It’s not soon enough, y/n.” He responds, and you’re scared he’s about to break down. That’s one of the worst things about being so far from him. The moments like this, when things start to become too much, when he really needs you, but you’re not even on the same continent. 

“Baby, just hold on.” You tell him. It’s the only thing you can do. You can only use your words to try to make him feel better, and you just have to hope that it is enough. 

“I need you. I need to hold you in my arms. You bring me back down when i feel like this. You’re my anchor.” The desperation in his voice is so evident, and your heart nearly breaks at the sound.

“Shawny, just three more weeks. And until then, you know that I’m always a phone call away. See? I’m right here, I’ll talk to you. Whenever you need me, i’m here.” You try to reassure him, but you have the feeling that it isn’t going to be enough this time. 

“It’s not the same.” His voice comes out in nearly a whisper, and you hate to admit that he’s completely right. You don’t know what to say to this. “I need you, y/n. I know I’m not going to make it through the next three weeks if I don’t get to see you. Please come?” He asks, and you know that there is no way you’re going to say no. Normally, you’d think about things like how much money it would cost to fly out to meet Shawn, and about the obligations that you have committed to at your University that you really shouldn’t miss. However, after hearing those two words from Shawn, hearing the desperation in his voice and knowing how much he really needs you, suddenly none of those details matter. 

You take a second to think through everything, but only a brief second, knowing that Shawn put himself out there and allowed himself to be so vulnerable in front of you, and you want to make sure that he feels safe in his vulnerability and transparency because that is what a relationship is about. When he’s hurting, even if he can’t explain it exactly, he knows that you’re there for him. And it works the same the other way too, he’s been there for you so many times when you couldn’t even express your hurt and sadness. Even though you’ve both been vulnerable in front of the other throughout the course of your relationship many times, it still means a lot to you. And it is especially not easy when you’re talking over the phone. You can’t be there in person to reassure him, and he can’t see the care and concern in your eyes. You don’t want him to even question that you care and that you’re willing to do what it takes to be there for him when he really needs you, because he really needs you right now. “Okay, I’ll come.” You tell him, still trying to think through the logistics of everything. “I have a physics exam tomorrow, but I can skip my afternoon class. And Friday I don’t have classes. And I’ll cancel my weekend plans.” You say, thinking through everything as you speak.

He absorbs your words, then responds, “No—no,” He’s backtracking now, you’re not surprised, but you don’t want that. He continues, “Baby, I’m sorry I asked. I know you have things to do. I know you should be studying right now. I can make it three weeks, yeah.” He says, sounding like he’s trying to convince himself.

“No, Shawn. I’m coming. I love you, you hear me? And if you need me, then I’m coming.” You say matter-of-factly so that he won’t protest anymore.

“You have a life. I know that, and I love that about you. I love that you have your own things going on. I know I can’t let my chaos and crazy life take over yours because that’s not fair.”

“Shawn, my stuff this weekend isn’t a big deal. I can move it. And I want to see you too.” You reassure him. You need to see him as much as he needs to see you now because you need to make sure that he’s okay.

He doesn’t argue any longer, so you know just how much he needs you there. “Okay, I’ll book you a ticket, what time can you leave at the earliest?” He questions.

“I can book it myself, Shawn. What airport am I supposed to fly into?” You question in response.

“No, let me. I’m paying for it.” He insists.

You consider arguing, but you realize it is probably a fight you won’t win, and as much as you’d like to stand outside talking to Shawn all night, you know you should head back inside to study for your exam. “I can leave after 1 in the afternoon.”

“Okay, I’ll text you when I make the reservation. I can’t wait to see you.” He tells you, and you can even hear that he’s already feeling better, just by the sound of his voice. You can’t wait to finally be with him, to be in his arms, to get to make sure he really is okay, because that’s all that matters to you.

“I love you, Shawny, just hold on, and I’ll see you so soon.”

“See you soon, my love. Good luck studying tonight, I know you’re going to do great tomorrow.”

[pinkpetalwaterimagine]

« I never stood a chance » (Shawn imagine)  

Hey!! here is an angst because I was in the mood I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ English is not my first language don't hesitate to point out some grammar points ❤️ and don't hesitate to write any prompts or requests 🌈

Word count : 1.6K

Summary : you thought he liked you back. apparently not.

You didn’t said that it was a date but it definitely was one. You had spent way too much time thinking about which outfit to put on, how to do your hair and what will happen during the night. The both of you had been friends for quite a while now, and you always thought that there was some ambiguity between the two of you and your friends thought so too. They would always tell you that the two of you should get together or that you acted like a couple. And maybe Shawn’s friends told him the same thing. All those signs made you thought that you stood a chance. You thought that you could be the one that he would end up with. Sure, you didn’t look like his ex girlfriends and sure you weren’t a big pop star that he would meet on a red carpet but you thought that your relationship was deeper than his fake smiles to people he saw once, he might think he genuinely liked them but you knew it was out of the goodness of his heart because if he spent more than three hours talking to them he would end up walking out of the conversation. 

You thought you were special to him. You thought you were the only one that he would send texts everyday, the only one that would receive gorgeous flowers every other day, the only one where he would stare in your eyes like he was scanning your soul and looking for all the feelings you had for him. So when he asked you to go out, just the two of you, which was not abnormal but far more formal than usual, you had thought « that’s it. That is the night that he is going to say something. » You were ready to lay bare your feelings for him. You were ready to be vulnerable enough so that the two of you would end up walking hand in hand to his car. His hand would have stayed on your thigh the whole drive to your house. His smile would have never left his face and when he would looked over you his smile would only grow. Unfortunately, the night didn’t went as you planned. 

You felt giddy when you receive a text from him an hour before he was supposed to pick you up : « I have a surprise for you :) » said the text. You didn’t answer but you knew all too well the familiar feeling of the small and nice knot at the bottom of your stomach. You were putting on the final touches on your outfit when the doorbell rang in your condo, startling you. You breathed in, shook your legs and arms to shake out the nerves at the same time before answering the door. 

You finally opened the door and was met with such a sight. Let’s be honest, you knew he looked good, you knew he was close to the figures of ancient roman god statues but you were always taken back by his beauty. He had went for a simple look but really effective in reflecting his handsomeness. The light brown jacket brought out his tan skin, and his basic black t shirt was like a second skin. He had a small bouquet of peonies, your favorites flowers. « Hey » he said in a low voice seeming as taken back as you were. You felt your cheeks getting warmer as you followed him in the hallway. 

You made small talk until reaching the lobby before he brought the « surprise » topic again. « Soo, about the surprise. » - he seemed really unsure and embarrassed which made you wonder what was it all about- « I know we said we were going out just the two of us, but she really wanted to come, and I’ve kept you in the dark for quite some time now so I think it’s time to tell you. And I’m sorry to spring that on you like that. » - you decided to cut him off before the poor boy ran out of breath- « Shawn, you are rambling. What’s your point ? » You were getting more and more anxious because of what he said. He hid something from you? What could it be? Obviously it involved a third party. You had an idea of what it might be but you didn’t really wanted to think about that. He took a deep breath, « Okay, here goes nothing, I thought it was time for you to meet my girlfriend. I think you might have seen her around but we were friends before going out so it might have been around that time. Anyway… » 

You felt like he punched you in the stomach, you were out of breath even though you didn’t move one bit. You were shocked. It was easily readable on your face but only you knew why. « Okay, you seem a bit a shock. Are you all right love? » as he said this nickname you thought back of every little memory you could encounter where it was the two of you and if you just misread the signs. Obviously you had misread them. You tried to hold the tears in and gave him a weak smile. You walked towards the car where she was already seated in the front seat. You climbed in the back of the car. It was a first for you and you might be a tad too dramatic but you had never ride in the backseat of Shawn’s car. He knew you were getting sick quite quickly in the back of a car. He had always made the boys riding in the backseat when you were there. Another misread signals. You sigh before really taking a good look at her. Of course she was gorgeous. Not gorgeous in the cute neighbor style no she was gorgeous like she came out of a red carpet event. Her smile was so bright she could light up a whole room, hell even the whole building.     

You tried making small talk during the car ride but the two of them were completely infatuated with each other and they were giggling leaving you out of the jokes, they were talking about people you didn’t know and whatever progress Shawn had made in the studio that week. You didn’t even knew he was back in the studio. The cracks in the imagined relationship you had built started to appear. You finally got out of the car and made your way towards the restaurant. You couldn’t refrain from rolling your eyes at their giggles behind you. He had opened the door for her, caught her as she fell or more faked a small wobble in her walk, everything was a pretext for touching each other. You were getting sick of them and it only has been a fifteen minutes drive. 

The dinner was so long, she did all the efforts she could to not include you in any chat they had. You couldn’t even tell if she was nice or not, you haven’t been able to get to know her. The rational part of you was telling you to take it easy, she was maybe thinking that the friendship you had with Shawn could be a threat to her relationship with him. But the other part of you was hurt. You felt that the secret he kept from you just opened wider the wound of him rejecting you. He didn’t feel like he could tell you before quite some time and the oh so great relationship you thought you had with him was just a mirage. You were sure you didn’t imagine the longing touches, the ambiguity between the two of you, the late night conversations. You had talked until the sun was rising on the terrace of his condo. She finally left for the bathroom leaving you and Shawn, alone. You were now worried of staying alone with him. Your feelings felt too much to be with him. 

Sometimes you wanted to punch the niceness out of him. He saw that something was wrong with you. « I can see that there is something bothering you, Y/N. » he said softly. You mumbled something about work thinking it would shut him up. « C’mon, I know you better than that » and that was the sentence that brought you over the tipping edge. 

« Do you Shawn ? Do you really know me better than that? I thought I knew you, apparently I was completely wrong! You didn’t told me that you had a girlfriend ! You didn’t told me you went back to the studio! You didn’t told me anything! And here I am being surprised, emphasis on surprise, with your girlfriend tonight. I feel like a fool! I feel like I was played and I can’t even be mad about it because you never promised anything, but I thought we had something. » you said in almost one breath. You could feel your heart beating against your ribcage, threatening to come out as you spilled your feelings. As much as you tried to suppress the tears, one single rounded tear descended the side of your cheek. « I didn’t knew you felt like that Y/N. I’m so sorry, I guess. » he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was starring at you, not knowing if touching you would make it better or worse. Inside his head was a mess, he didn’t knew what to think anymore. He thought he liked the girl touching her make up in the bathroom, but seeing you like that pulled at his heartstring. He was confused and the glasses of wine didn’t not help him to understand what was happening. 

As you look at her coming back from the bathroom, you also got up. « I never stood a chance, did I? » you asked without expecting an answer. The night didn’t turn out as you had planned

[oceangirl24]

We Need A Little Christmas

"I can't wait," he said, grinning so big his cheeks were beginning to hurt as he settled back against her. His thoughts were brimming over with everything he was going to get to do with them in the days ahead.

After the news was over, Shawn, without complaining, started on his homework, whistling happily to himself as Jon and Audrey graded papers. The time went too quickly and soon it was time for him to go to bed and for Audrey to leave. He was about to go to his room when he realized that Jon had been uncharacteristically quiet for quite some time. His teacher's demeanor had shifted noticeably after the mention of New Year's Eve.

As Shawn thought about the holiday, it abruptly became clear to him why his teacher seemed saddened. This New Year's Eve was important to both of them. For Shawn, it was the first one that he, Cory, Topanga, and Eric would be able to go out on their own for New Year's Eve. For Jon it was the one and only time he'd get to be with Audrey at a party they were both attending. It was as close to a date as he'd get with her.

Shawn stood in the shadows of the hall and watched his teacher put away the dishes. He felt a strange rock settle in his chest and a lump in his throat. The adults in his life didn't give things up for him. They didn't put him ahead of their wants and desires. Not even his parents. Booze, spending money, and scheming to get money all went ahead of him.

Yet here was his teacher, who was not obligated to do anything other than teach him in class, but who was doing what his parents wouldn't do. Shawn knew how Jon felt about Audrey and the significance of Audrey spending Christmas with them was not lost on him.

Shawn wasn't a very affectionate kid. It was very hard to be affectionate when your own parents weren't very loving with you. Letting your walls down enough to really hug someone or to be hugged was difficult. Jon knew that from his own experience. So when he found himself suddenly being hugged by a kid who didn't hug people, he knew he'd somehow managed to break through to him. And in order to encourage Shawn's newfound vulnerability he had to let his own walls down enough to genuinely return the hug.

"Thank you." Shawn said intensely, looking up at him with watery eyes.

"You're welcome, Shawn," Jon said, surprised to find himself getting choked up. "We're both happy to do this for you."

But the boy shook his head. "That's not what I meant. Thank you for giving up your New Year's so I can have my Christmas."

Read the entire chapter: AO3, FFN, WattPad

I appreciate everyone who is reading. If you feel like it would you drop a comment, kudos, bookmark, or whatever you feel like to let me know you're enjoying the story.

I'd appreciate the encouragement. :-)

[buckyownsmylife]

Walk Away - Tom Hardy smut

The one where Tom is your mentor and really shouldn’t feel this attracted to you.

Warnings: smut, age gap, famous!reader, mentor!Tom Hardy, breeding kink, risky sex, tiny insinuation of a size kink, (blink and you’ll miss), mention of a panic attack with barely any descriptions of it

Word count: 3k>

Tom’s P.O.V.

“Tom.” I stopped rubbing the sleep off my eyes the second my name fell from her lips. I didn’t need her to identify herself - I didn’t need to check the caller’s ID. I’d recognize her voice anywhere, regardless of just how groggy I was. But the tone in which she said my name, the tired, dead feeling shining through it, was what really startled me awake. “Tom, I need you.”

The desperation in her voice scared me, and I was out of bed before I could even realize what I was doing. “You’re home?” I confirmed, waiting only for the expected answer while I looked for my keys. “I’ll be there in five. Hang on tight.”

The night was cold, but I don’t think I would have noticed it if it wasn’t for the chill that had me freezing from the inside. I didn’t even consider changing out of my sleepwear - sweatpants and a loose shirt - mostly because I didn’t want to waste time on something so trivial, especially since it wasn’t that different from what I’d normally wear around her.

I’d known her for over four years now. I’d never witnessed this level of distress on her. In fact, she was never anything short of enthusiastic and happy, a bubble of sunshine that managed to energize everyone around her. For her to be this way, something big had to have happened, and it pained me to imagine just what could have been. 

It pained me to imagine her suffering, and not being there to help. So I stepped on the pedal, driving madly, knowing my own heartbeat would only get back to a regular pace once I had her in my arms again, could smell her perfume as I buried my face in her hair.

She wasn’t by the door when I got to her house, so I let myself in with the extra key that I had, noticing all the lights were off. There was only one place she could be. 

My feet took me there without even having to think about it, like there was some sort of instinctive calling from her body to mine. When I got to her bedroom, a dim light showed just how effective that connection was, as I pushed in to find her laying on her bed, waiting for me.

“What happened?” She sat up when I pushed the door open, quietly closing it behind me, and for a second there was no reaction as she took in my presence, like she needed time to realize I really was there. But then her eyes glistened, denouncing a flow of tears, and she just shook her head, as if asking me to contain my curiosity for just a bit.

“Can you just hug me?” She asked, and I felt my heart squeeze at the realization of just how unaware she was of my feelings for her. I’d do anything, anything for the woman in front of me. A hug was nothing, and I ached to have her in my arms anyway.

I sat by her side and immediately, she was on me, climbing on my lap until she could hide her face on the crook of my neck, and I froze only momentarily before wrapping my arms around her smaller body. Despite how wrong it morally felt - particularly when I remembered I wasn’t wearing any type of underwear - I couldn’t deny how right it was to both my heart and my body, how much it comforted me to feel her this close.

So there we stayed, for God knows how long. We didn’t speak - I was waiting for her decision to explain what had happened, and she clearly needed to come to terms with whatever it was. Just being there for her was enough for me, so I kept rubbing her back, eventually pulling away to press kisses on her temple, trying to ignore how her little sighs of comfort made me feel.

“I-I think I’m ready to talk.” The second I couldn’t feel her warm breath against my neck anymore, I felt cold again, but to my surprise, she didn’t climb down my lap, didn’t try to put some space between us. 

Instead, her arms remained around my shoulders, fingers playing with the collar of my shirt, making me shiver every once in a while when her nails dragged along my flesh.

“Okay,” I encouraged, only because she seemed nervous to say whatever it was that she wanted to tell me, her eyes avoiding mine before she finally managed to meet my gaze again, after taking a deep breath.

“Shawn broke up with me.” A sharp inhale resonated throughout the room, and it took me a few seconds to figure out it had been my own doing. I’d never liked her boyfriend, not ever since she first told me they had been going out, and despite how hard I tried to hide it from her, she had always been aware of my true feelings for him. 

Knowing he was the one to blame for her current state of mind only served to turn my concern into anger. 

“Why?” That was the only thing I could think to ask, the only thing I could focus on as I struggled not to throw her on the bed and run out after him. But I’d never be able to leave her alone, especially not since she was so clearly vulnerable.

There was another second of hesitation before she finally revealed, “It was because of you, actually.” Now that froze me into a state of shock. I couldn't speak, couldn’t think, all I could do was stare down at the face of the woman I loved who looked like she hadn’t just dropped a bomb on me.

“What?” Her giggle made my heart skip a beat for a second. It felt good to know that she was already starting to feel better, it felt even greater to know that I was the reason for her laughter, even if I was still fucking confused.

“Don’t worry about it.” Now that just wasn’t good enough. I needed to know, needed to understand. How had I been the cause for their break-up? But she didn’t seem too eager to open up about this specific part of her day, and so I decided to break out the big guns.

I laid her down on the bed, hovering over her so our eyes remained connected. “Tell me,” I quietly begged, and although she still looked anxious, I knew she was close to breaking. “I really want to know.”

She sighed, eyes closing for only an instant and for that instant, I allowed myself to believe that she was breathing me in, appreciating the feeling of being covered by my much larger body, exactly like I did.

“He was jealous,” she finally admitted, but the frown in my face only deepened, asking her for more information. “He felt like I prefered your company over his, which to be fair, it’s the truth. When I’m with you, I never want to leave.”

I didn’t know what to say. So I just stood there, frozen, looking deep into her eyes, searching for any sign of mockery, but found none. She looked hurt, but not like she regretted what happened. It just looked like she needed me there.

And so I stayed. I laid down by her side on the bed and pulled her to me, so her head rested on my chest, and I thought. I thought long and hard about what she’d told me and about how I felt. I thought so much, in fact, that I could see a panic attack forming, as the weight of my feelings threatened to suffocate me, and before I could realize what I was doing, I was already sitting up on the bed and looking for my keys.

“Where are you going?” She rubbed the sleep off her eyes as she tried to understand what was happening, but to be quite honest, I didn’t understand it myself. I just knew I needed to get the hell out of there, or I would end up saying something I’d regret. “I’m so comfy, can’t you just stay?”

It was so hard to breathe that my chest heaved with the labour of getting each breath in and out, so I forced myself to focus on it, stopping only for a few seconds, but it was enough to have me spilling things I’d been managing to hide for years.

“Don’t ask me that. Please.” My voice sounded hoarse, like I hadn’t used it in too long. “Because I’ll stay, and it’ll only hurt me further.” That caught her attention, wiping any remnants of sleep from her in an instant. 

“I wish I could walk away from you. Time and time again I wished for it, when you began dating that jerk, when I first realized I had feelings for you… but I just can’t. I’d do anything for you. All I can think about is you, all the fucking time. I want you so fucking much. I love you way too much. And being just your friend, your mentor, your confidant, is killing me.”

I closed my eyes to catch my breath, trying to focus, trying to make anything make sense again. In that time, I feared the worst. I thought about her leaving, her hand leaving a warm imprint on my face as she slapped me. I thought about her (rightfully, in my mind) accusing me of betraying her, calling me a monster, a pervert. 

I thought I had imagined every possible scenario, but I was still surprised when I opened my eyes to find her seating on the edge of her bed, gaze resting on mine, licking her lips. “I wanna feel you,” she said, and my mind swirled with this unexpected outcome.

“Excuse me?” I scrambled to keep myself up, finding a hold in the back of a nearby chair, my entire body trembling with the effort to hold back, the effort to think and listen, instead of just doing what my instincts begged me to do - pounce on her and fuck her raw.

“I want you inside of me,” she calmly stated, like it was no big deal. It was clear that it was the best way she had found to ask me for what she wanted, but I just couldn’t believe it.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Y-you want me?” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, understanding the delicate nature of this situation, anxious to not let it slip through my fingers nor hold it so tightly it would end up breaking and hurting me in the process. 

I closed the gap between us, getting out of the bed to come stand in front of him, hoping the proximity would ease him the same way having his body near would calm me.

“I’ve always wanted you,” I confirmed, hoping he’d see just how truthful the statement was, needing him to see how much more I wanted to say. “But right now…” Without thinking, my hand reached out to fiddle with the edge of his shirt, the sight of the boner struggling against his sweatpants unmistakable to me. “Right now, I’ll do anything if you just touch me.” 

A sharp exhale of breath, his warmth hit my face, giving me a taste of what was to come. But I wanted the real thing. I wanted to know how it felt from his lips, to have his tongue forcing my mouth open, making me forget my need to breathe.

“I need you.” I got what I wanted then. His face lowered to mine, mouth finally close enough for me to reach, after what felt like years of desire. And it was everything that I’d always imagined his kiss to be - overpowering, dominating and overwhelmingly him. I was instantly addicted.

When he finally allowed our lips to part, taken by his need to breathe, I slowly began to peel away my clothes, fingers trembling in quiet desperation for him to see this for what it truly was: the meeting of desire and lust after years of denial and repression.

“Please fuck me,” I pleaded as my naked body was revealed to him inch by inch, willing to do whatever would get me what I needed. “I swear I can handle you.” That last part was added almost as an afterthought, when I watched his hand curl around a tightness I’d never witnessed in real life before.

I knew what was going through his head - the fight between what was expected of us and what we wanted, our feelings and our professions, but nothing else mattered to me more than knowing he’d spear me open with his length.

“Lay down and spread your legs for me.” Just that order was enough to have me whining low in the back of my throat, but I did as he said, even held my ankles so his view of me would be unobstructed. But that meant I had to watch him as he knelt by the bed and took a hold of my legs, licking his lips in desire at what he saw.

“Please, please, fuck me,” I repeated, knowing I wouldn’t handle his lips on me right now. I needed his thickness, his hardness, I needed to be filled by him, to feel him inside of me.

“Let me just get a taste,” he tried to convince me, eyes focused on the apex of my thighs. I almost laughed at how it looked like his mouth was watering as he stared at my exposed pussy, but my need was far too great to allow me any sort of distraction.

“Later, okay? You can eat me out as long as you want, just… later.” That had his head snapping up, gaze at last meeting mine with a soft sentiment that I knew was at least half vulnerability.

My poor Tommy. Even after all of my confessions, he still couldn’t believe that what was happening was actually real. He still doubted I would want him in the morning, as something more than what I wanted him when I called him tonight.

“Touch me, Tom,” I quietly asked, raising his hand to where I was aching for him, rubbing myself with his thumb. “Touch me right here, please, I’m begging you.”

Hearing those words fall from my lips changed something in him. Where once he was hesitant, a sudden confident smirk, almost arrogant, slowly spread over his lips, taking over his entire aura.

Tom’s P.O.V.

“So needy for me…” I whispered as I witnessed the truth behind my statement. She was sopping wet, almost dripping down the duvet, and as much as I wanted to get my mouth on her, I could accept that we’d have the time to do that later.

I loved the idea of a later.

“I’ll take care of you, darling.” I whispered as I climbed up her body once more, occupying the space between her thighs like I was always meant to be there. “Let me take care of you.”

I brushed my lips against hers, relishing in this closeness, in the moment just before it all changed. I was sure she could feel the weight of my cock against her thigh, and it was probably what prompted her to wrap her arms around my shoulders, breathlessly telling me, “Yes. Yes, please.”

Hissing as I finally slid my length inside of her, I knew I was in trouble the second I bottomed out, biting on her shoulder to keep myself from groaning and drowning out her delicious little sounds. She felt too good. No one should feel this good.

A broken gasp (or was it a moan) called my attention, taking me from my efforts of restraining myself to her, completely. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” I asked, brushing the hair away from her face as I watched her open her eyes and blink a few times, trying to keep tears from flowing down her cheeks. “Does it hurt?”

But she just shook her head, hands searching mine until she could lace our fingers together. “No,” she breathed, hips jutting up in a silent way of asking me to move. “It feels so good.”

I bit the inside of my cheek in an effort not to smile widely at her admission, finally allowing myself to slowly begin dragging my cock out of her tight channel before pushing it in again.

“It does?” I questioned, loving to hear her say it. “Well, I’ll always make you feel this good, baby. How does that sound?” She moaned out loud as I lowered my head to lave her breasts with attention, relishing in every little sound that escaped her beautiful lips as I pounded her on the bed.

“Fuck, you’re such a good girl, darling.” Another loud moan was all I got as a response, paired with her fingernails biting on the skin of my back. “My good girl, yes?” I insisted, rubbing my jaw against her neck, breathing her in.

I was drunk on her, on this entire experience, still not quite believing it was really happening. She was really here, getting fucked by me. “You’ll be my good girl? Just mine? Forever?”

A smile spread out over her lips, even as she threw her head back to moan a “Yes.” I chuckled against her chest, starting to suck little bruises here and there, wanting to see her all marked up on me, when she interrupted my plans with a breathless comment, “You talk dirty.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” I chuckled against her lips, right as she started to convulse underneath me, clinging to my back for dear life. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Her nails scratched me as she found her bliss, and I wasn’t too far behind. As I started to pick up my pace, really milking her orgasm while searching for mine, it was her words that brought me to my ultimate release.

“C-cum inside, I want it inside of me.” I knew she wasn’t in any form of contraception, and I also knew this wasn’t the right time for either of us to become parents, but to say the idea didn’t arouse me was a lie. 

Flashes of her young body with my baby in it had my cock twitching, the risk of getting my perfect future right then too exciting. She’d be the perfect mother, I just knew it. And the fact that she would take the chance of becoming the mother of my child right then affected me so much that even after I emptied myself inside of her, I was still hard.

Her fingers played with my curls as I rested my head between her breasts, breathing her in, trying to catch my breath. “I can’t believe I get to sleep next to you tonight,” she said, melting my heart right then and there. “I hate it when you’re away.”

I did too. But I’d never need to be again.

[eusuntgratie]

i’m not okay. all too well spoilers under the cut. immediately watching again...

god this soft boyfriend dylan content is WAY too fucking much for me

sadie is so fucking good holy shit

please. stop putting dylan in flannel i can’t fucking TAKE IT. I CAN’T.

god she’s so good. i haven’t thought about being 19 in a long time. how fucking raw everything was. is. the dinner party. the kitchen scene GOD. so many fucking feelings.

the contrast between his dismissive behavior, writing her off as young and emotional... the way he hides his emotions. the fucking tone of his voice. contrasted with her. she’s so OPEN and vulnerable. and he misses it. it’s what he loves about her and he doesn’t really even see it. FUCK.

the breakup scene? he’s so fucking QUIET. and STILL. and she is screaming and raw and EVERYWHERE and she’s feeling so much and you can just feel it with her. fuck she’s so good. this shit is taking me WAY WAY back.

taylor gets it, y’all. DOB hoes blessed with some HANDS content in this one. oof. i am SUFFERING.

SHAWN LEVY!!!!!

OKAY can we talk about how i’m supposed to survive sad dylan in a leather jacket cut in with hands shots and soft kisses and dancing in front of a fire i’m dead goodbye

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i get older but your lovers stay my age DAMN GIRL

just between us did the love affair maim you too? I CANNOT

in summary, i’m unhinged. and even more in love with dylan. oops.

[truglori]

Homebody (Ch.6)

Summary: Amiyah is the younger sister of local drug dealer (Durkio). Shy and reserved she keeps to herself and stays out the way. But lately she began to find interest in his right hand man/ best friend (Erik Stevens). Wanting to get him to notice her she discovers that he already had her wrapped around his finger without even trying! There was only a few problems that kept her away from her fantasies , her brother that controlled almost every single breath she took and would kill anyone who looked at her that way and lastly Eriks girlfriend, Alexis , who they called the queen of the hood according to her lavish lifestyle as well as being with the next newest top boy in the making. While Alexis was his girl to the streets all Amiyah wanted to do was be his Homebody...

Sidenote: I’ve been hooked on this song and feel like it fits the vibe for this chapter but it is optional to listen to...enjoy!

Pairing: Erik Stevens x Thick OC

Warning: Language, smoking, freaky thangs..

Erik glanced at the digital clock in his car. It was almost four in the morning. The job was done and with the help of Cane they were able to get out of there in one piece. Shaking his head he laughed to himself. He still couldn’t believe it when he saw Alexis with Shawn.

It wasn’t hard to believe but it did fuck him up a bit. In reality Erik didn’t know why he was surprised. After getting to know about Alexis he knew she was always chasing the next bag. Even if it meant coming up off of another nigga.

Out of the nine months they messed around she was always the one pressing him to take their relationship to the next step. She was the one that tried to tie their names together in the streets. It was always her putting forth the effort. Then it was shit like what he saw tonight that had cause Erik to have trust issues.

But was that something he could even judge her for? Of course not. He didn’t put a title on her and vice versa. All this did was make him come to the realization that she was never down for him. Only what he could do for her.

With all of these ideas going through his head the last thing Erik wanted to do was be alone. His mind was filling up with negative thoughts. Mainly about how the situation could’ve went bad if he would have acted on his feelings. Erik’s mood switched and he wanted to see the one person who he knew could change that.

Hoping she picked up,Erik sat nervously as the other end of the phone began to ring. If she didn’t answer he would have no other choice but to drown himself in a few blunts and a fifth of Hennessy.

She answered on the fourth ring.

“Hello.” Her soft voice came through the speaker. It sounded like she was wide awake.

He relaxed in his seat feeling a relief. “What you still doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep. What about you? Everything okay?”

Erik could hear the worry in her tone. He half smiled. That was something she always did, she cared about him.

“Yeah I’m good.” He paused. “Listen I know this might be a stretch but do you think you could sneak out pass your brother and come meet me. I know it sounds-“ Erik was rambling. Something he never did.

Amiyah cut him off with a light giggle. “Erik I could meet up with you. I’m not at my apartment I’m staying with a friend.”

Erik’s brows drew together with a slight look of confusion. It was four in the morning and she wasn’t home. That was the first Erik ever heard of knowing how his friend is about his sister. But he didn’t ponder over the thought.

“Okay well send me the address and I’ll pull up.” He put her on speaker waiting for her to reply as he pulled up the gps on his phone.

“65 Lafayette Ave.” Amiyah answered with a controlled smile. Not wanting to seem eager to see him.

It was a fifteen minute drive from where Erik was.

“Alright I’ll call you when I’m there.”

“Okay, see you Erik.”

“Aight mamas.”

Amiyah jumped off the couch and crept to her friends bathroom. Turning on the light she saw her appearance and immediately cringed. Her eyes were still red and puffy from her tears. Face covered in faint runny eye liner. Her hair was fuzzy and wild. She was in no condition to go see Erik the way she looked.

Grabbing a face cloth from her friends cabinet she ran it under warm water before sitting it on her face and letting it rest against her skin. Amiyah sighed at the sensation. Wiping her face she made sure she got every inch of coverage before she checked other areas of her body to make sure she smelled fresh.

She gave her hair a few pass overs with a brush to make it at least somewhat presentable. Glancing over herself in the mirror she felt satisfied and exited the bathroom. Going back to the couch she was crashing on she put on a white tank top and paired it with a pair of grey sweats. Throwing a jean jacket on she slipped on her UGG slippers and waited silently.

When her phone rung this early in the morning she thought it would be her brother calling to apologize but instead it was Erik. She knew for sure it was her mind playing tricks on her but when she answered and heard his voice butterflies filled her stomach. After the date Amiyah figured she had to wait until she seen him in person again to make contact with him but when he called asking her to hangout this later she couldn’t decline.

It wasn’t too long before her phone lit up with a text notification. Erik was letting her know that he was waiting for her outside. Getting up and checking her face one last time by the mirror Kelley had next to the front door she flipped her hair over her shoulder and snuck out the front door. When she got on the porch she seen his Infinity waiting in the middle of the street unbothered with any traffic coming through.

She watched as he got out but stayed by his vehicle. Doing a quick glance over at his face Amiyah noticed the stress in his eyes. It was as if they were filled with the emotion of hurt. No wonder he called asking to see her this late. He needed comfort. Walking up to him she went straight for a hug. The way he taught her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he did her waist.

Amiyah felt him breathe out an air of ease. His body slouching over on hers and she would let him as long as he wanted just to take away his troubles. She closed her eyes as they quietly embraced each other’s body. It was a comfortable silence. From the way they held on to each other it was obvious that they very much missed one another.

“Why you so good to me ma?” Erik whispered in her ear not letting her out of his hold yet.

Speaking truthfully in their current position of vulnerability she replied. “Because I care about you. I want you to be happy.”

Erik closed his eyes hearing the words escape from her mouth. She was making it hard for him to keep up with his ‘not trusting women’ demeanor. The way she was holding onto his body had him rethinking himself. Her nails grazing lightly on the back of his neck was driving him insane. She knew all the right things to say and do to him without even trying.

Amiyah had him open whenever they were together and she didn’t even know it. Erik finally released her body. Now staring down at her soft round face he couldn’t help himself. Dragging his hands over her love handles he pulled her towards him as bent down giving her two pecks on her lips softly. Her arms still wrapped around his neck. When Erik pulled away he seen that her eyes were still shut. Biting his bottom lip he went back in giving her a full kiss this time with a slight pull on her lower lip every now and then.

Feeling himself in the moment his hands traveled resting above her ass. Not wanting to disrespect her he asked in between indulging in her lips and taking breaks to get air for her permission.

“Can..I..touch..it?” His voice spoke lowly between pecks.

Amiyah nodded while she brought her left hand down to his cheek. She was getting better since their last kiss and her body was becoming more comfortable with his.

Seeing that she didn’t deny him access his hands continued their adventure further south. When his hands finally reached the bottom of her soft flesh he cuffed and squeezed each cheek firmly before caressing it to soothe the slight pain he may have caused.

Amiyah moaned in his mouth from the feeling. It was the first time she was ever been touched like that by a man down there. His hands felt rough but soft at the same time. The way he would grip each ass cheek and pulling on them she felt her second pair of lips separate from the action. But it was the way he rubbed it after he squeezed them that made her drip with anticipation.

Pulling away from each other they were able to get some air. By this time Erik was ready to devour her and make her body shake beneath his but he knew she wasn’t ready for that yet. She wouldn’t know how to act or what to do if he gave her what his body was craving to do to her. Feeling his dick on semi-hard he shifted himself. All of this just from kissing and touching on her. Erik wanted her bad.

“Let’s go get out of here?” His voice broke the sexual tension.

Timid and nervously looking back at her friends house she turned to face him.” To go where?”

Erik shrugged his shoulders.” I don’t know I’ll find something. Just ride with me.” He spoke before he could think finding himself doing something he thought he would never do.” Please.” He begged.

Biting her lip to hold back her smile she nodded as her hands fell from around his neck but not before getting a feel of his sturdy hard abs through his shirt. Erik felt the slick action and smirked.

“Aight let’s go.” He kissed her one last time and then patted her butt and walked her to the passenger side. He opened her door and watched as she got in safely.

Inside the car they rode around with nothing but Erik’s playlist playing lowly in the background. Amiyah’s hand rested in his right hand as his left hand gripped the steering wheel driving. Every other minute Erik would bring the back of her hand up his lips and kiss it while still paying attention to the road. No matter how many times he done it Amiyah would blush every single time. If she was lighter you would definitely see the redness in her face.

It was about twenty minutes later when Erik found a secluded area underneath the highway bridge . Around them was nothing but empty parked construction trucks and signs to let people know that work was getting done. Nearby that was a small basketball court where some of the city kids would play on. Then there was the lights from the bridge above that gave them somewhat of a illumination in the car.

Shutting the car off Erik leaned his seat back with his electric lever before resting against it. His fingers still intertwined with Amiyah’s. He watched as she did everything but look in his direction. Erik could read her body language and see that she was nervous. His thumb stroke the back of her hand to give her some reassurance.

“You okay?” He asked softly.

“Yeah. I’m good.” She gazed down in her lap before making eye contact.

Amiyah was nervous. How could she not be with her being in a closed off area with a man as fine as Erik sitting next to her holding her hand. He was touching her so tenderly. Her body reacted to each stroke of his fingers.

“Miyah if you not comfortable don’t ever hesitate to tell me. I care more about your security in your safety than me wanting to chill with you.” His unselfish nature was revealing itself with every word.

She smiled at his kindness. “I feel safe with you. It’s just some times you make me nervous.” She replied picking at the imaginary cotton lint on her sweats.

His lips curled into a smile. “Why I make you nervous?” He asked as his free hand swiped down his waves repeatedly.

Rolling her eyes Amiyah knew this question was coming next. He knew exactly how he made her nervous. The evidence clear in how her body react to him.

“I don’t know maybe it’s the way you look at me.”

There was something about being alone in this car with him that made Amiyah real honest.

His eyes danced up and down her body. Amiyah caught the gesture.

Smacking her lips. “See it’s you doing stuff like that.” She blurted out with a straight face.

He gripped her hand lightly when she made him laugh. To Erik most of the women he been with in the past was either too serious or boring but with Amiyah she was always able to get a smile out of him. From any tiny thing she did naturally it made him laugh or at least get him to smile.

“I mean I could think of something that might have you relaxed a little bit but I’m not sure you even mess with that type of shit.”

She looked at him confused.” What you mean?”

“You smoke?” He asked bluntly.

She laughed. “I’ve done it a few times when Durk wasn’t around but I’m no pro.”

Erik nodded his head head releasing her hand as he went to his middle compartment pulling out his stash. He needed a blunt after today and the one that he already had rolled up wasn’t going to do him enough justice. Taking out the one that was pre-rolled he handed it to her.

“Hold that.”

She grabbed it bringing it to her nose smell the rolled plant. Amiyah liked the way this weed smell. It wasn’t overpowering like the one Durk usually had. She observed the blunt giggling about how fat it was.

“Why is it so big?” She asked laughing.

“What the blunt or something else?” His lips smirked.

Amiyah figured she walked herself into that one. She rolled her eyes.

“No I’m just messing with you that’s just how I like mine. Can’t be fucking with no skimpy blunts now.” He smiled. Over in his seat he was rolling up two more.

After getting them rolled he grabbed his lighter from his cup holder and sparked it up. Taking a deep pull with his lips he allowed the smoke to invade his lungs for five slow seconds before exhaling. His body leaned back becoming relaxed.

Amiyah watched as he took another. He looked so good right now in his most laidback state. One hand behind his head and the other holding the blunt to his lips. She bit her lip as the smoke filled up the car. She was already feeling a contact high.

He handed over the lit blunt and watch her grasp it with the end of her nails. Erik smiled as he sat quietly watching her switch the blunt between both hands trying to get comfortable with it.

“Don’t burn my weed out.” He joked.

“Shut up Erik.” Amiyah giggled taking her first hit.

Coughing she realized she hit it too hard. Turning towards her window her balled up fist went up to her mouth as she coughed her lungs out before smacking on her chest. She handed the blunt back to Erik who was laughing.

“You good?”

She shook her head and cough one last time. Her eyes watering a bit from all of the straining.

“Damn I should’ve warned you first. My bad baby.” His hand went to her back and rubbed it.

Amiyah was already feeling high. If it wasn’t from the huge hit she took than it definitely had to be from the gas that filled the car. Her baby lungs not used to the intoxicating aroma easily gave in. She expected that to happen but she didn’t expect for her pussy to become wet. The last few times she smoked alone it just gave her a quick high and the munchies. This was different. She could feel her pussy drip and become sticky as she squirmed around in her seat trying to hide it.

The blunt found its way back to Erik’s lips. His eyes began to get lower with every hit that he took from it. He wasn’t his highest but he felt his body getting comfortable. His leg slightly rocking from side to side. He watched her body respond to the weed. She was already gone and he knew it. Erik seen her squirm in the seat and watch her thighs clenched together.

“This shit make you wanna fuck, don’t it?” No longer responsible for the words coming out of his mouth he let the burning ashes fall into the ashtray. He started up the second blunt.

Amiyah surprised from his statement but turned on at the same time giggled as her boldness level went up the more intoxicated she became.

“Something like that.” She stared in his low eyes with hers.

She was becoming brave. Her mouth was definitely trying to write a check she couldn’t cash. Even though she never had sex before Amiyah still knew what it felt like to be horny. Her body was craving for him touch her and hold her the way he did a while ago when they were outside. Amiyah wanted his big hands rubbing on her booty the way they did before.

Erik sucked in his bottom lip. His deep dimples showed from the action. She was testing him. Erik was definitely pressed from the way she was looking at him. He knew that there was no way he could fuck her in his car. But he wanted to badly. He wanted to have her dripping cum right on his leather seats. He wanted to watch her tremble and moan as he stretched her tight pussy out pinning her down by her thick thighs giving her what she thought she could handle. Erik longed to dig deep in the pussy as he hit the spots that’ll make her cry and gave her no choice but to come back to him every time she desired for them to be touched.

Taking a pull from the second blunt he returned the gaze. The smoke leaving his lips going into the direction of her face. He watched her bite her lip.

“You lookin like you wanna do something now.” He had to start applying some pressure to put her back in her place.

Shyly looking out the windshield Amiyah laughed. The weed was making her extra giggly for no reason. But she couldn’t deny that how she was feeling was from her own lust as well. She felt a warm hand grab her by the chin turning her head back in her previous direction. Erik was looking at her waiting for to respond.

“Maybe I do.” She replied with her eyes shifting down to the bulge in his black joggers she noticed a while ago. She was no longer playing it safe.

Erik’s hooded eyes followed hers. He smirked. The hand that was holding her chin swiftly went to her throat. He massaged the flesh delicately. He couldn’t help it, grabbing a woman’s neck became a kink of his not to long ago. The way that they would instantly get wet and go into submissive mode turned him on and Erik could easily tell that she was one of those that got turned on by it as well.

Amiyah felt her pussy throbbing. His hand around her like that made her panties moist. She loved it most when he gripped giving her a light squeeze. Her nipples hardening poking through her shirt as she moaned.

“Get in the backseat then.” He released her.

Her eyes gave a quick glance towards the back before looking at him.

“Now?” She breathed out heavily.

“You scared mama?” He teased her softly.

Sending him a ‘yeah right’ look she climbed to the back. Taking off her jean jacket she sat it in the front before she folded her arms resting her back against the chair.

Erik watched through the rear view mirror. He was actually surprised that she had the courage to go back there. Taking the last blunt and lighter he got out the car and opened the back door slipping inside. Putting the objects in his hand in the pouch behind the driver seat he took off his hoodie revealing a black wifebeater shirt.

Amiyah sitting on the opposite side calmed her nerves. She mentally thank God that she shaved down there two nights before. She did not want the first time she allowed a man to see her down there to be met with a bush. There was nothing wrong with having hair but she would have been insecure about it.

After getting settled Erik turned his body sideways. He reached behind him locking the door as he leaned against it.

“C’mere.”

Nervous but eager Amiyah shimmied her way to his side. His hands helping her out guiding her to sit down on his lap facing him. He gripped on her thigh throwing it over his legs so she can straddling him and had the other hanging off the seat. Not wanting to put all of her weight on him Amiyah put the pressure on her legs.

Erik sensed this. He opened her legs wider which caused her to sit on him fully. An inward growl went through his lips as he felt the weight from her ass sitting on his heavy member.

“Erik I’m too heavy.” She complained.

“You think I’m worried about that?” His voice dripping with lust as he attacked her neck.

Erik’s hands went to groping her body. He kissed and sucked until he discovered the spot that made her body shudder. It was under her jaw line. He stayed there sucking on the area leaving a mark not giving a damn about her brother being able to see it later.

Amiyah’s wide hips wiggle around on top of him as she threw her head back giving him better access. Hormones going out of control she couldn’t stop her hands from traveling to his print as she gripped it firmly.

Erik’s body jumped as he grabbed her hand taking it off his dick. He pulled his lips from her neck to observe her. The way she tried to put her hand back on him she looked anxious for some way to release the sexual adrenaline taking over her body. Erik chuckled as he held her wrists strongly.

“Damn baby you can’t be gripping my dick like you tryna snatch that shit off my body.” His voice now raspy from the smoke session.

Embarrassed, Amiyah bent her head down hiding it in his neck. Of course she would grip him too hard. She didn’t know what she was doing. Trying to not seem like the amateur she was ended up having her looking stupid. The moment was ruined.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled.

“Here I got an idea. Turn around.” He rubbed her back waiting on her to move.

Following his command she changed her body to go the other way. She was now sitting between his legs with her back against his chest. Thankfully his seats were big enough to hold the both of them comfortably in that position.

Amiyah felt his fingers tug at the hem of her sweats. Questionably glancing at him she wondered what he was about to do to her next.

“You trust me?” Erik asked with his face next to hers.

“Yeah.”

“Then lift up and take these off.” He tugged again.

Hesitant Amiyah allowed him to pull the clothing down with her help kicking them off her ankles. Now she was exposed. In nothing but her tank top and black cotton hipster panties she felt the air brush over her thighs. Feeling her high start to come down she requested to start a new rotation.

“Can we light the last one?”

“It’s in there.” Erik pointed to the pouch where he put the lighter and the blunt in.

Reaching inside she felt around before she retrieved it. As she lit the blunt she felt Erik kiss on her neck and rub on her thighs. His full lips making her moan and rest her body on his. Taking a hit from the weed with ease this time she was able to inhale it much smoother. Her lungs filled up as it brought her back to cloud nine.

“Here you go.” She passed it to him but he didn’t take it with his hands. Erik leaned forward and let her place it in his mouth. Holding it for him as he took a few pulls she studied the way he did it and then proceeded to copy him when it was her turn. The rotation went like that before it was finished.

Erik fondled her thick thighs. Starting on the outside and working his way to the inner where her warmth resided. She laid her hands on top of his to have some sort of control but Erik didn’t like that. He knew what he was doing and didn’t need any help.

“Move ya hand.” His voice barked.

Her hands left as quickly as they met his.

“Don’t touch anything unless I tell you to. You hear me?”

“Okay.” Shakiness in her voice as her breathing picked up.

“Okay what?” He gripped underneath her knees pulling her thighs apart roughly.

“Okay Erik.”

“Un uh. It’s daddy when it’s just me and you from now on.” His lips tickled her ears as he spoke giving her future reference.

“Kay, daddy.” She moaned.

Amiyah closed her eyes. Her body kept squirming around. She was waiting and anticipated on getting her body played with. When her legs opened she felt the cool air reach her damp underwear.

Looking down between her legs he bit his lip seeing her phat pussy showing through her panties. The lower lips spilling out on the sides as the damp wet stain sat from her natural essence. His hands gripped and rubbed the inner thigh area that was closest to her treasure as he asked for her permission once again.

“Can daddy play in this pussy?”

Her wet lips parted. Amiyah nodded her head that was leaning back in his shoulder. Yearning his touch and super horny out of her mind she’d allow him to do whatever he wanted to her.

“Yes daddy.” Her voice was as soft as angel.

Hearing her words of confirmation Erik’s hand introduced itself to her pussy for the first time. He cupped the area. Her covered mound was giving off a heat that let him know that she was ready. His fingers grazed up and down the thick slit which caused her body to jerk. He did this repeatedly to make her aroused.

“Phat ass pussy.” We’re the only words that escaped his lips as it left him mesmerized. She was the first female he been with that had one so full and healthy. It felt amazing on his hand even if he wasn’t touching it quite yet.

Pulling the black piece of cloth to the side Erik revealed her vulva that was covered in her natural juices. Taking his fingers he used her lubricant swiping up and down the slit feeling her body tense up.

“Relax mama.” He kissed behind her ear as he held her in place with his left arm.

Bringing his other arm around her he reached down spreading the thick lips as a clear string of liquid appeared when the flesh pulled apart. This was a different type of wetness he was experiencing at the moment. Taking the pad of his middle finger of his free hand he patted on the bud that was now hardened.

Amiyah’s hips jerk from the sensation. Her hand clutched his forearm to stop him, keeping the foreign feeling from over taking her body. Her legs moving around as she scooted into his chest.

“Don’t you play with this pussy when you alone?” He asked as his finger tips teased the areas around her clit.

“Yes.” Eyes still closed with her hands gripping his arms as she felt every stroke of his hand.

“Yes, what?” He corrected her.

Sucking in her bottom lip. “Yes, daddy.”

“Then let me have a turn.” One of his hands grasped her fupa affectionately pulling her body into his to make her relax.

Whe she laid back Erik was able to get a better view. He spread the lips open once more. Massaging her clit lightly in a circular motion with his pointy and middle fingers. He watch her thrust her hips on his hand to feel more. Keeping up with his movements he pressed down firmly stimulating the bud before he let a finger enter her tight wet opening. Giving a low groan he drew in his top lip when he felt her grip him him from the intrusion. The pussy was too tight.

“Damn you ain’t been letting nobody up in this huh?” He cooed in her ear pushing further with a single finger going deeper.

“Unh Uh.” Amiyah whimpered out snapping her thighs closed when she felt him slip inside her.

He took the hand that wasn’t trapped between her legs and opened them. Bringing it up to her chin he made her look him in the eye. “Ima go slow..ight.”

Amiyah nervously agreed. There was plenty of times where she masturbated but she never fingered herself only clitorial stimulation. So when she felt Erik push his finger inside her, her body reacted by closing her legs. It was strange feeling but it made her wetter.

Erik didn’t waste no time as he warmed her up by playing with her clit. He wanted to make sure she was as wet as possible before she experienced any penetration so he continued to rub her there. Bringing his fingers up to her breast he flicked her nipples with his thumb through her tank top to help her climax.

The combination had Amiyah’s chest heaving up and down. She was close and ready to cum. The pressure he applied on her clit felt so good. Her hand reached for the seat clawing the material as she let him make her body come undone. Her mouth opened as her pants and whimpers became audible.

“Daddyy...I’m cumin.” She whimpered softly backing away from the stimulation.

Erik followed not letting up on her. “Lemme see you cum then. Pretty ass.” He kissed her blocking out her moans.

Amiyah’s body shook as she felt his lips. She came right there. Essence dripping down on the seat in front of her. It was like a domino effect. He controlled her body. Her clit was now sensitive but Erik continued to knead the button. Whenever she played with herself she able to get one and that’s it. She never tried to do more than that but Erik was pushing her for another.

“I want another one and then I’m done.”

His eyes were still red and low from the weed. When she came on his fingers Erik was captivated from the sight. The way her lips parted. How she grasped onto the seats searching for something to hold on to. It made his body heat up with excitement knowing that he did that. Every little thing he observed had him becoming fascinated with her.

This time he wanted to make her cum a different way. His middle finger danced around her hole making sure it was coated from her wetness before he pushed inside her tight puss. Erik felt her clench on his finger as he gently massaged her walls. Every time he would pull out she would suck him back in. He watched her face contort no longer able to control herself.

“Mm this shit tight.” He groaned affirmations in her ear as his finger stroked her at a steady pace.

When the words left his mouth Amiyah glanced down to witness his assault on her pussy. Her body was aching for more. The in and out motion with just a single digit wasn’t enough. Her pussy wanted to be stretched.

“More.” She pleaded spreading her legs wider.

“You sure?” Erik asked wanting her to be certain.

“Yess.” Amiyah stuttered.

Drawing his fingers up to lips he opened his mouth tasting her sweet juices. Erik bit his lip feeling a strong urge to bend her over and eat her from behind. But right now it was about her. He had her body feeling good and he wanted to keep it that way.

After getting his fingers soaked he placed them back in front of her pussy. Taking his time he slowly thrusted both his middle and ring finger in stretching her creamy hole.She was so wet a sloshing sound came from her opening. Her jaw dropped as he filled her up. His thick fingers moving in and out. When he felt the spongy area at the top he swiped back and forth against it using the ‘ come here’ motion.

Her hips doing the same as before began to scoot back away from the sensation. Erik holding her by her waist kept her still.

“Stop runnin and put that pussy on me.” Lips sucking on her neck creating another passion mark as his deep voice muttered.

She was running. From the minute Amiyah felt him tapping on that spot that she didn’t know was there she wanted to escape his hold. His strong hand kept her spread eagle by her knee making her take the pleasure he was giving to her. Feeling her legs shake from his repeated tender abuse she grabbed his hand. Her belly began to tighten and cramp. Soon the vibrations she felt on her lower half traveled throughout her whole body. She was convulsing on his fingers.

“Fuckk.” The profanity spewed out her mouth for the first time as she squirted on the seat.

Erik continued attacking her g-spot before she aggressively pushed his hand away. Laughing he saw her shaking her head while her hands went to her thighs to try and stop them from trembling. Her breast moving up and down from her rough breathing as she finally spoke.

“No more.” Her voice quivered.

Erik’s low chuckled filled the vehicle . “You done mama?”

Quickly nodded her head she cover her pussy with her panties and moved to the other side of the car. She was sensitive and overstimulated. Her body couldn’t endure anymore.

“I can’t Erik. It’s too much.” Sitting on her knees she slapped her hand on her thighs that were still shaking.

“Ight fine I’m done. But come give me a kiss.” His lips smirk satisfied with how the night was ending.

Amiyah complied with his orders. Straddling him again this time not feeling insecure she leaned and gave him a kiss. His mouth dominating hers lips. Erik slapped her left ass cheek leaving a sting. She moaned into his mouth.

“Ouch daddy.” She whined softly as she sucked on his bottom lip lightly before releasing it.

Erik’s dick jumped. “I’ma give you something for that mouth if you keep using it like that.” His eyes studying her lips.

Blushing she laid on top of him. Her head in the crook of his neck. Amiyah closed her eyes when she felt his fingers making traces on her back. They both held each other enjoying the peaceful silence. Wiping the condensation off the window Amiyah peered out noticed that it was dawn. The sky began to turn blue as the sun slowly crept up. She sighed when she realized that she had to work later on that day. Thankfully Kelley agreed to switch shifts with her but she wanted to be with Erik all day.

“I don’t wanna go to work today.” She stressed blowing out air of frustration.

“So don’t. Call out.” Erik rubbing circles on the small of her back.

“I can’t. I switched with Kelley already so I don’t think she would want to do both of our shifts. This is so annoying.” Her nails outlining shapes on his neck.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” He bent down kissing her forehead.

She smiled lifting her head to kiss his lips.

The question she had been meaning to ask him since they first saw each other tonight came to her mind.

“Why’d you call me so late? Is everything okay.”

Erik completely forgot about the previous events that happened hours before. The moment she was in his arms nothing else mattered anymore.

“Yeah, I just found out about some shit and I wanted to take my mind off of it and you helped with that.” He sent her a half smile pinching her chin gently.

Amiyah gleamed knowing she could be his peace whenever he wanted to get away.

“Well I’m here for you always.” Her eyes giving a sparkle as she spoke.

Meditating for a moment before he replied Erik thought carefully. He wanted to make sure that he wasn’t doing this to make her some type of rebound but because genuinely cared about her. He didn’t want to take a second longer as the words blurted out of his lips.

“Amiyah I want you to be mines...”

___________________________________________

Please excuse any mistakes.

SN: It’s been years since I wrote a smut scene and all of this was written in an hour and a half so please don’t judge lol.

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[peakyxtommy]

Wonder - T.S.

Thomas Shelby x Fem!Reader

Summary: Based around song Wonder by Shawn Mendes. Tommy wonders about his love for the reader and has to make a decision to confess or deny it. 

Word Count: 2.7K 

Warning: Angst, Sadness, Fluff

A/N: Enjoyed writing this. Ya Girl Snapped LOL Listen to Wonder b/c that song snaps.

Gif Credit: @myimaginesworld​

I wonder if I'm being real

Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel?

I wonder, wouldn't it be nice

To live inside a world that isn't black and white?

His heart ached again in this lifetime. His heart has not ached this way in the longest of time, since he lost his first true love. It was a losing battle because the only thing that painted his mind was the scene of you crying last night in his office. He did what he did best which was push people away. It was a trait he had gotten good at from a young age. Thinking he was protecting himself but was really doing the opposite. Avoiding being vulnerable, the risk that comes with letting another person in. Letting them see the deepest roots of your soul. The actions of the past that caused trauma on the present. Wishing it all could be wiped away in the future. 

He remembers the crack in your voice as the scene replays in his head. You came to his office, to be taken out to dinner as he had forgotten earlier in the week. When you show up to his office ready to be dined, you're met with the same old excuse again. That’s when your voices started out in a yelling match to now be in hushed whispers of the rarest parts of your mind, on display for the other. 

“Do you even love me?” Your finger points accusingly at him as he stands tall with a small space between your two bodies, but the tension felt made that space feel like you were across the room. It was a question that broke his heart even more than the first time the words left your soft lips. The way your brow furrowed and the curvature of your lips frowned with deep sadness, he knew this wasn’t a game anymore. 

“Why would you even ask that?” He questions in defense, not daring to meet your eyes, finding his reflection in his black shoes more interesting. 

“Lately, I can feel the distance growing between us, like a ship lost at sea, that’s getting harder to reach. I know I told you how I felt, a few weeks back. I didn't need to hear you say it back but, since then, it’s like you’ve been avoiding me like the plague. It hurts.”

You whisper the last part so soft, he almost misses it. He hears it but the thought scares him. Makes him want to run even further away than when you first said it to him. He stares as you hold back the tears in your eyes, silently pleading for him to say something, to be brave enough to let you in. He remains silent. 

“I love you Tommy, but I can’t keep doing this. It’s like lighting fires with matches, but it’s not catching with you. I keep leading myself into the flames, to keep on burning. It’s not enough to lose myself when you get to walk away fine, not broken hearted.” 

“Then maybe you should go. Find someone that is good enough for you!” He screams, throwing the glass in his hand against the wall, watching as it shatters into small pieces. This was the last straw for you. You just shake your head in disappointment, as he tries to get the last word in. 

As he watched you leave his office with the door slamming loudly, shaking the walls. He knew it was a mistake that he didn’t go after you or say the truth he felt in the deepest part of his being. So instead he sat in his office staring out the window nursing a bottle of whiskey and a pack of smokes, hoping it would take some of the pain away. It doesn’t but it at least numbs the thought of you in his heart and mind, at least for a little while.  

Right before I close my eyes

The only thing that's on my mind

Been dreamin' that you feel it too

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

He felt it felt deep inside his bones from the moment he met you. He couldn’t explain why when you talked to him it made everything feel different, feel new. He wondered about you. His mind couldn't stop traveling to the future. He let himself dream freely of loving you. He wanted to tell you the truth but he was afraid. You made him happy. You covered the deepest scars and wounds with your words. Words that spoke truth, spoke volume. You were sweet and kind, the almost exact opposite of him. You spoke with a smile on your face every time you graced him with your presence. 

It had been three days since he last saw and heard from you. He didn’t blame you at all, he blamed himself. He knew the look on Polly’s face the second day meant she knew something was up and today she ripped him a new one as usual, but he couldn’t be bothered to listen to her reasoning, already knowing the truth. He wished the truth didn’t hurt, that denial could be easier but it wasn’t. 

He spent his days forcing himself into work to not let his mind get too caught in silence because he couldn’t stop thinking about you and what you were doing in the small moments of your days away from him. It was only at night right before he closed his eyes he thought of you and him, the moments you shared together. 

“Tommy what are you doing, put me down!” You laugh as he spins you around in his arms.

“I have good news, you’re the first I'm sharing with!” He says with a wide grin, as he places you back on the ground. 

“What’s the good news Tommy?” You cheer, just as excited as him. 

“I got the betting license needed and I'll be able to expand to own a club in London. My plan is working out great so far.” 

“That’s excellent news Tom. I’m proud of you and know your family will be glad as well.”

“To celebrate, I got you something.” He pulls out a small black rectangle box placing it into your open palms. You open the box, to reveal a three stone diamond pendant necklace. It was the first of many moments where he would leave you speechless in a good way and gift you in a sweet way.  

“Thank you so much Tommy. You didn’t have to do this. I should be the one surprising you with a gift. I love it so much, I'm never going to take this off. “ You kiss him sweetly and allow him to put it around your neck.

“You’re my girl, you’re a gift enough to me daily (Y/N).” 

I wonder why I'm so afraid

Of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint

“I love you Tommy.” You spoke the next morning naked limbs entangled in another as your forehead rested against his collar bones, fingers tracing circles into his milky skin. Those words had been on your mind a lot the past few weeks. You were afraid to say them, to leave yourself open to being hurt. 

The closer you grew to him as staying the night more at his house and even slowly leaving a few of your things there. You knew it was him that made your heartbeat skip just a little faster and even when he made it angry or spark with fear due to his dangerous risk taking, he also calmed it like no other. Even though he wasn’t the best with words, when he spoke to you he tried his best and would say the words that seemed to soothe you back to peace. His actions of holding you closer at night or early in the morning or surprise gifts, made you believe it was all worth the risk of saying those three words. Three words that spoke volume, that could grow or crush you in the small fraction of a second. He was worth the risk. 

When he heard you say those words, it’s like a knife pierced his heart. A heart that already knew death and heartache. A heart that was on the mend, but still wounded. The words you spoke stroked fear inside of him. A man able to strategize, control men, and kill his enemies was afraid to love. He didn’t want to mess this up or say something wrong, even in this moment.

Those words were real, the emotions were real, and that what was happening between the two of you was real. It wasn’t a game or dream, but a connection. A connection he didn’t want to end or break. He knew he wasn’t a saint and surely he was going to Hell, but with you in his arms, he felt whole, felt holy. 

He did what he did best and shoved his emotions down. He didn’t say anything because he knew you weren’t expecting him too. The best he could do was offer a small smile and a peck on the lips as he held you closer to his chest, afraid that time and his feelings would catch up with him.  

I wonder, when I cry into my hands

I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man

He wasn’t one for deep emotions, because it made him feel less than a man but with you he could be vulnerable. He could fully be himself and you drew that out of him slowly at first. 

You tell he was angry by the slam of the front door, soon followed by the slam of his office door. Both shaking the house into silence and then the chatter continued like it was a normal occurrence. You knew not to bother him right now, deciding to let him cool down for a bit before going to see what was wrong. 

You waited an hour before knocking, making your entrance known with a hot cup of tea and a plate of dinner on a tray. The scene in front of your eyes almost shocks you, but you handle it by addressing it head on.

“Tommy what’s wrong?” You speak in a soft whisper setting the tray on his desk, as he furiously wipes his wet eyes. 

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine. It’s all fucking fine!” He huffs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to will the tears away. You take a sit across from him in the empty chair allowing him to have his space, never seeing him this upset before. 

“Everything’s not fine. You’re angry and upset, upset enough that you’re crying. If you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you. I’ll be here to listen.” You speak biting your lip out of nervousness of wondering if you pushed him too far. 

“Men aren’t supposed to cry, crying is weak! It serves no purpose.” He swallows the last bit of the glass of whiskey he’s been nursing next to the half filled bottle. His eyes still don’t meet yours. 

You finally come around to his chair to sit in his lap, forcing his eyes to meet yours. 

“That’s a lie because everyone cries. Crying isn’t weak, it’s a normal human emotion. It actually does you some good. I sometimes feel better after I cry and sometimes when I’m crying with the right person, it makes me feel even better than when I’m crying alone. I promise, I won’t think less of you if you cry. You don’t have to be strong all the time and hold all your emotions in. It’s okay to let it all out.”

You press a kiss to his forehead, knowing this man wouldn’t let you easily but you would open your arms wide enough to let him know you were a safe place, that you could be his safe place, his safe haven from all of the things going on in his world and mind. That much he appreciated and would hold on too, even if he couldn’t fully express himself emotionally yet. 

And I wonder if someday you'll be by my side

And tell me that the world will end up alright

You were sitting in your living room reading when you heard a knock at the door. You move swiftly to see who it could be at this late hour, having a feeling but pushing it to the back of your mind. It was only a week since you last heard and saw of him. You brace yourself for when you open the door, to come in contact with his tall and pale figure, standing in your doorway. His blue eyes had bags underneath them and his face was stone cold. 

“Can I please talk with you?” He asks.

“Now you have words to say, a week later. You seemed okay, not saying anything when we had words in your office!” You huff with anger, crossing your arms as you both stood in the doorway, cold air, nipping at you both, almost colder than the air between you two. 

“It will only take two minutes. If you want me to go after that then I’ll leave. I promise.”

 “Go on.” 

“I’m sorry for being daft and hurting your feelings. It was wrong of me. I’ve only been avoiding you because I love you. I was afraid of letting you get close because I know I’m not good enough for you and that you can do better. I’m selfish because I want you to choose me even if I'm not the best option for you.

 I’m plagued by darkness, but you’re the light that shines through. Even from the day we first met, I knew there was something special about you. I’m not ready to lose that, lose you, by letting fear control my heart. I will never be perfect, as good, and will always be in the head of danger, but I do promise to try my best to be the best I can be, if you will still have me? I really do love you (Y/N), even if it’s taken me this long to realize it.”

You can see the redness of his cheeks and the wetness pooling in his eyes as he makes his declaration to you. You can still feel that familiar sting of heartache from the week earlier, but you also feel the warmth of the love you have shared for him inside the depth of your inner being. There will never be love without heartache and making those hard decisions of staying or walking away. 

“Tommy you’re enough for me. I see the darkness and the danger, but I see the good in you. You need to start seeing it as well. If I had to choose you over anyone else, I would choose you time and time again because I love you Thomas Shelby, and only you. You have my heart and you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m still hurt by your words and actions, and if it happens I will leave. So don’t mess up. We’re a team and we both have things we can work on together because no one’s perfect.” You speak with seriousness in your tone but also warmth and love. 

 “Thank you.” Is all he speaks as his cold fingers find your cheeks and your ice lips touch soon becoming warm in his embrace. You let him into your home to warm up and have a cup of tea. Spending the remainder of the evening reading a poetry book you both enjoy, taking turns reading pages to each other, enjoying being in the embrace of another again.  

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

He no longer had to wonder about your love, finally allowing himself to fall into you. To trust you fully and to let the walls surrounding him and his heart come down, knowing you were going to be worth it. 

-

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