#but i think there are enough talented minds tht can make it work

[wolkewatcher]

ok no i love waiting for godot premier degre fundamentally changed me but like ... a version where he shows up ... 👀👀👀

[frankendykez]

this reply was quite late since i was debating whether i send send hearts like i often do with ur vents or send a pargraph, but, i understand how you feel. tht feeling usedto take over a few years ago, and i think its kind of seeping but this month. but nonetheless, you /are/ talented, you /are/ beautiful, you /are/ gifted. it just, sometimes the brain (especially withmental illness) doesn't allow you to see that, mainly because you had this face for so long that your mind tries to find its imperfections for no reason. its an odd psychological phenomenon, but its believed that msot people would love their body if it wasn't theirs, or that they would love themselves if they weren't, well, themselves ― and most of the time, its true, unfortunately. as for the repetitive days, perhaps you could change up your usual schedule a little bit? go home a different route than usual, go to a random little shop you've never went to before, attempt to make conversations with people you don't know (i know the last time youhave a conversation irl, it made you sick, so by conversation i mean texting. sounds weird from a socially anxious person but </3), maybe if you do self-deprecating jokes try to switch it out with jokes that boost your confidnece (eg: "i vented humor" "im better than u" etc), that kind of stuff. my days are certainly repetitive today, i just try to add more stuff to do, but if you are unable to do such even after you set things up for yourself ― that's completely alright. sometimes you don't have motivation to do anything, not even the things you loved doing, and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that because you are a human being. your thoughts and feelings may override logic like a human being. but you matter. you always mattered. you are loved, even if you cant see it, you are always loved in some way, its just eople perhaps dont say "i love you" enough, and it sucks, it really does. though we barely or might not know each other and it might be strange to say, but, i love you (/p) and admire your work, because everyone deserves to be loved. your mental illness does not make you useless, its merely a disadvantage, but one day, i'm sure it will get better. it might not disappear completely bc i dont think thats possible, but one day it will get better. i know its very hard to gete through things, and that the process is painful and you might not know how to survive this, but please, do not give up. theres so much to live for, though you might not see it just yet. i will become legally an adult in a year, and it scares the shit out of me aswell, i'm literally clinging onto childhood here, but we will push through it. we will make it better. things will change. keep it in mind.

i am not sure if all this helps or not, or if it makes your state worse, but still. i want you to know you mattered and are loved. and even though we might not know each other, you can talk to me anytime. my name's charlie, and i hope shit gets better.

I feel like I’m falling apart at the seams. I don’t remotely have the energy to go out of my way to see it through, but if something happened where I knew I’d die, I wouldn’t do anything to prevent it. It feels like my life has reached its natural conclusion, and the longer I stay alive the more I only drag it out beyond its expiration and butcher it. I’ve been the pretty talented creative gifted child, what’s the point in living on as a mentally ill useless tranny who isn’t even pretty to look at anymore? I am completely useless to anyone now. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these weeks I just commit to it and end up starving myself to death. I have nothing ahead of me, and everything useful or good I’ve ever done is long over. I’ve been who I needed to be. Now I have nobody else to be. I wish I could just do it all over again. But I can’t. I don’t exist as a regular person who interacts with the world in a normal way, and I never will, and I hate it. And even if I do drag my life on, what’s the point? Spending every day repeating the same day over and over in a never ending struggle to finally have money enough to afford the most basic of things, literally so we don’t die? A never ending cycle of making just enough money to spend on food to stay alive to earn more money to earn food to stay alive. What’s the point? All this stress over jobs and money to feed yourself. That’s all adulthood seems to be, and even if there’s more, it’s outweighed. Why bother about living so much?

I’m never going to be loved, and the rest of my life will only get worse and worse. I’ve done my bit – might as well give up.

[goldenkirstein]

hello raf!!! first off, I wanna say that I love your blog and your fics. tysm for sharing them with us you are incredibly talented!

second, do you have other blog/moot recommendations for users who write for jean x reader? I wanna follow all of you you're all so amazing!

only if you can! :) have a nice night!

hi nonnie !! ty for the kind words!! yes i do, some of these are my moots, some are not but regardless they are all incredibly talented writers. there are so so so many writers that have jean fics, but i chose these ones because they have more than a few jean x reader !! these are also just based on my preferences, so if there is a writer not included here, i apologize !!

Please read all of these authors rules/dni’s as ik a few of them interact or post dark content and are 18+ blogs !! respect writers and their rules !!

@whats-her-quirk - what can i say that hasn’t been said, literally the reason i write on here and responsible for the first jean x reader fic i ever read, i love june. Absolutely phenomal, so fucking cool and talented. her writing makes me happy, to put it simply.

my fave fic: midnight ride & below freezing

@jean-does-not-have-a-horseface - the username speaks for itself, again i read her fics when i still was a ghost blog so i am quite sentimental lol, i think she might be working on a jean rockstar au series, im not sure tho, but regardless just a super talented writer !!

my fave fic: sketches of you

@welcometotheclubhoe - jay, oh my god, i love them and their blog, all of their jean fics are so. fucking. amazing. like chef’s kiss, have me sweating, screaming and crying, genuinely need to take a five minute break to walk around my room and contemplate the meaning of life. so yeah, jay’s a jeanius (shhhh i know its cringe)

@bakugohoex - a fellow jean simp, ria is not only the sweetest but just so fucking good at writing jean, fluff, angst and smut, her brain is so big because she’s responsible for one my favourite jean series and playlist tbh ahem:

my fave fic: stay & put on a show

@mikaberries - Mika is also one of the first aot writer blogs I followed, I found her first on tiktok and then followed here. super fucking talented, idk how she does it tbh. also just an all around good person and very sweet, I have nothing but respect and praise for her and her work.

my fave fic: innocent & car quickie

my fave fic: unrequited series

@fiaficsxo - i love fia and her writing, she is so talented and just an absolute gem. she also happens to be another fellow jean simp, which i love ffhkjhg. but fr her jean smut leaves me sweating. 

my fave fic: jersey girl

@seraphdreams - title of blog: jean love club. thats it. what more can i say. ceo of jean simping and being just remarkable, like honestly, seraph was the first one who popped into my mind when i read ur ask nonnie. do me a favour and read all of their jean fics, you will become enlightened.

my fave fic: mornings w/ jean & face sitting

@alert-arlert - genuinely adore ryn, for their writing and their presence here, i really love their headcanons for jean and honestly aside from fics, i really do get happy when i see them on my dash, coolest person ever omg, follow them for the vibes and the amazing writing

my fave fic: jean relationship hc’s & nsfw alphabet

@odmlevis: riz my loveeeee, so talented and so amazing, top notch writing and top notch person, i admire her so much, made me fall in love with fuckboy jean what more can i sayyyyy

my fave fic: jean + friends to lovers & falling in love w/ fuckboy jean

@dancingazaleas - crazy fucking talented, i cannot believe that i can just go to their blog and read for free. like i astral projected when i first read their work, transcended planes, i was dr. strange for like three minutes, thats what sorrels writing did to me. so go forth nonnie, unlock the secrets of the universe.

my fave fic: primrose & obedience (includes eren n mikasa)

@jarmeen: i love jas, they are sooooooo cool and their writing is just next level. just a super sweet individual, and helloooo read the title of their blog, and then read it again because they are right and everyone should go read their works !!

my fave fic: see you again

@valxeren: dilf jean. thats it. two words. deserves the nobel prize just for writing those fics, tbh tht shit changed my life, i was wandering my dashboard lost and unmotivated and then val graced me with dilf jean and im a better person now

my fave fic: clandestine

@kirschtienz: aman makes me happy, i love her, and her writing so much, if i were to choose a piece of writing to hug, it would be hers. i could go for days just praising her and still wouldn’t be enough, like the way she writes is just incredible

my fave fic: frats with benefits

@emepe: i thought to myself one day, hmm it would be nice to have friends to lovers fics for jean, and then tumblr said raf, baby, let me show u something and they pointed me towards mimi and said here is the answer to all your prayers. idk how to thank tumblr but fr only two chapters in and IM HOOKED. go read nonnie, goooo.

my fave fic: you and me and nothing more (includes eren)

i have realized that a good handful of these are smutty bshdsbhbf sorry not sorry. again, im so sorry if i missed anyone these are the writers that i could think of at the moment, and if you yourself are a writer then know that i love you and respect youuuu !!

happy reading nonnie :)

[daisy--sorbet]

heyyy, hope you’re having a good night!! if you have the energy and feel okay answering, what’s up w taz graduation? i haven’t checked it out yet but i was thinking ab it. just asking bc you’re the first person i saw talk ab the show having serious issues, but also feel free to not answer this!! hope you have a good week!

i took a nice hot bath, had a strawberry kiwi capri-sun, and did a nice face mask and i’m feeling pretty good - so, y’know what anon? let’s talk about it. 

for anyone who likes taz grad who sees this post: it’ll be tagged with “taz grad hate” (although i feel hate is definitely a very strong word - it’s for the simplicity of tagging it) - so please block the tag if you don’t want to see this post (especially because i put a readmore on a post before and it didn’t show up on mobile and instead gave the full post). mobile tumblr has a tag blocking system, so please feel free to use it! i don’t mind haha

anyway, so this is... probably going to be a lost post, and i wanna go ahead and preface it: this absolutely isn’t any hate on the mcelroys themselves. i love the brothers and their dad a lot, and while i doubt any of them would ever see this (or have it sent to them, or shown to them, because im pretty sure they try to distance themselves from this sort of thing), i just want to make it clear that criticizing a product is different than bashing a person. which brings me to the point of if i do end up sounding as if im bashing someone - please call me out on it! it’s not my intention to target anyone.

with that said, let’s talk about this campaign.

so my problems are as thus: the railroading, the shipping (a fandom problem, but it’s present in the podcast), the NPCs, and some misc problems others have addressed better than i have.

which. i know. that’s basically the entire podcast. (i promise i’ll bring up some positive points to balance it all out). keep in mind i’ve only personally listened to... what, six episodes? and it was enough for me to drop it. some people dropped it first ep, some dropped it ep four, and others are still forcing themselves to listen.

the railroading

there was a time i could handle travis and his railroading [making sure the story goes exactly the way he has planned], because it was the very beginning of the podcast and that’s what you can kind of expect from a plot-heavy podcast. hell, i wouldn’t mind it if the interactions and goofs weren’t a huge part of why i listen to TAZ in particular (which, by the way, is why amnesty still stuck out to me - even if there was a direction griffin wanted to push them towards, the interactions between the players (or players and npcs) made up for any railroading). it’s kind of hard to not railroad a little when it’s story-heavy and you’re trying to built up a world that you’ve put a lot of thought into. however, a huge part of d&d is the spontaneity. 

it’s kind of why i think balance was so popular. while there was railroading towards the end, there was the presence of improv that made it all good. most mcelroy content is enjoyed because of the goofs. the magic brian moment is memorable. the jenkin’s fight still stands out because it was funny (albeit a result of some bad rolls). the boys teasing angus sticks out because the four would play well off of each other. even without that - griffin had talked about how he had to roll with things (the fact he had planned for a fight atop the train, but ditched the idea for what his family members came up with instead). even in amnesty, a couple moments that stick out to me still are ned with the jetpack taking out a pizza hut sign, and the scene with the water where jake was trapped inside. they aren’t as fun, but they still stand out as “things i didnt expect to really end the way they did.”

with grad, it’s just. one after another. the thundermen want to subpoena a xorn? cool, let’s run with that until actually the xorn gets fed rocks and goes home and who cares about the subpoena now. fitzroy wants to keep his cloak? lets talk about it for a while and you also get no rolls to even try to keep it. fitzroy goes to meet higglemas in his office? oh, why are you here fitzroy? im going to keep asking you until you answer fitzroy? you arent getting out of this scene until you answer me, fitzroy, so just tell me why you’re here already, alright, fitzroy? 

and even later in a episode i read a transcript of: hey argo, remember how you have this whole secret motivation? fuck you, im gonna talk about it here in your dream and reveal it to listeners and remove any tension you had building up, and you dont get a choice to talk about it because this all-knowing villain knows all about it :)

and even NOW in the latest episode, there’s a comment that “we should cap argo’s skills here” instead of just... making the checks higher. rogues are good at certain things and usually arent the best in battles. better hope argo never makes it to level 11, because who knows how people are gonna handle the fact that he gets a skill that’ll make it so certain skills can’t have a roll below 10 (reliable talent). 

(griffin, thankfully, calls travis out for that, but still - travis, why would you even imply that, considering you should be aware of how rogues work considering magnus multiclassed into rogue and you played one on tiny heist?)

and in the newest episode, their Big Bad chaos (which, god, i personally hate that name) straight-out says “dont do this” to the thundermen. travis tries to say, on twitter, “a character saying “dont do this” is different than me saying it” but i need to point out that it’s one thing if you’ve said “no” in character but worked with the PCs doing otherwise, but the railroading says differently.

the shipping

ill try to make this quick, because it’s nothing to do with the fandom (ship however you want, man) - but i really feel the need to draw attention to this.

fitzroy, as confirmed by griffin in a ttazz episode, is asexual. not aroace, but ace nonetheless. and i find it... troublesome that the idea of rainer and fitzroy having a relationship is still pushed nonetheless, despite the fact that fitzroy (to my knowledge) was never once shown to reciprocate any feelings. not to be that person, but i really hope that grad doesnt have any sort of romantic relationships in it (at least - not between NPCs and PCs unless they’re actually like... warranted?). 

i dont know, man. one of my closest friends is ace, and i know she wants a relationship, but i think it would reassure her a lot to see an ace character who isn’t pushed into one in case she ever changes her mind. someone once mentioned that they hope fi/tz/ra/in doesnt happen because theres relationships that have that “oh, you can just date” and it goes upwards there to “oh, you can have sex just to please them <3″  (which, to be honest, is kind of a gross mindset - if someone isnt interested, they arent interested).

also, uh, the TTAZZ where griffin states this, there’s kind of the mention tht the whole sexuality question was posed in relation to the episode “creative thinking” (the dream one i mentioned earlier) - which. uh. i don’t know if anyone caught this, but... rainer straight-up wrote fitzroy a letter in the dream like “are you going to accept my proposal? a girl doesn’t like to be left waiting” which. leaves me with some gross feelings because uh.

if... if the whole thing about fitzroys sexual orientation was addressed here, then why would you push your ship anyway? feels kinda iffy, man.

to which i want to say: fitzroy can date. he’s allowed to date. griffins allowed to do whatever he wants with his character. but when a lot of the flirting is met with nothing, i’m not gonna see the chemistry there. just because travis ships it doesn’t mean it’s canon.

the npcs

ah yes. lets talk about the npcs.

there’s... a lot. a lot a lot. i think travis trimmed down how many were present in a scene, but uh. there’s still a lot. and... uh... i kinda wish there wasn’t?

look, i know im going back to balance/amnesty, but just. hang in there for a moment. chill with me. vibe. 

balance didnt have too many NPCs present at all times in each mini-arc. gerblins had some big names like barry, klarg, gundren, killian, yeemick, and magic brian. rockport limited had angus, jess, graham the juicy wizard jenkins, and all of the tom bodetts mentioned. 

amnestys first arc had mama, barclay, jake, dani, pigeon, kirby, minerva, and that was about it for like. big names? and not all of them were present in each scene. 

in the first episode of grad alone: gary, hernandez, jimson, rolandus, zana, rhodes, buckminster eden, rainer, leon, tomas, hieronymous, higglemas, stuart, jackle, bartholomeus, mulligan, groundsy, germaine/victoria/rattles (the skeleton crew). and those are the ones i wrote down (minus groundsy, who i just. ignores. idk him).

like holy shit, my english prof got onto me for having too many characters in my first chapter and i didnt even have half the amount listed there! 

it’s just a huge cast. does this take place in a school? yes! theres bound to be a lot of students present - but you don’t have to name every single one of them, at least not in the first episode!

the miscellaneous

i don’t know if travis ever actually addressed it, but wheelchair users have actually like... said that rainer’s introduction bothered them, because she was like “please ask me abt my wheelchair :)” when travis saying she was in an ornate chair would have sufficed. 

uh. the colonization vibes people have discussed within the centaur arc. mentioned here, the replies here, and this post (and its replies) here as well.

the overall lack of d&d when the campaign was kind of advertised as a return to d&d if i remember correctly

also no one seems to be taking literally any criticism at all which like. ignoring the petty shit, sure, but people have stopped donating to taz and their listener-ship must have dropped some during this entire time - you’d think that maybe someone could say “we need to find out why people dont like the thing and fix the thing” consider this is. yknow. their livelihood.

anyway uhhh 

tl;dr: travis railroads way too much (even now), the shipping in-game has become pushy and gross (especially bc its shoving a relationship onto an asexual character), theres too many npcs that dont stand out well enough, and no ones taking any criticism about the major issues with grad. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #252

my personal laptop has to be fixed, so therefore i don’t have games to play, so expect plenty of these to pass the time lmao.

Have you ever said something just to see what kind of reaction you’d get? No, not that I remember. Have you ever confronted someone about using too much chat-speak? ??? No??? Have you ever revealed someone’s secret, after promising not to tell? No. Secrets are one thing I'm very serious about respecting. What is one emotion that you experience regularly? STRESS, MOTHERFUCKER. Describe the last major change you made concerning your hairstyle? Lopped it all off, lmao. It's been like, two years now though. Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? It feels like my friend Alex. She's kinda just... left me hanging for months. I think she's active online, but not with me, despite reaching out. She's also deleted her b.net account or just removed me from her friends list, idk. Absolutely nothing seems like it would've prompted that, though. Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? I was going to say no, but the last person's answer inspired mine to yes; like, I'm not going to go talk to people with some crazy or offensive shit on their shirts, nor am I going to just go walk up to someone covered in blood. Name one embarrassing activity that you take part in? I don't know. Like I say enough I'm VERY self-conscious of revealing I RP, but only because I'm sensitive to how the person will respond. I'm in no way like, ashamed I do it. I'm just terrified of judgment over something "unusual." Ever been told that you can’t understand love due to your age? Not that I remember. I only claimed to "get it" (to my recollection) at a point in mine and Jason's relationship, and I very legitimately would've guffawed at and honestly nearly slapped you if you claimed I "didn't understand" love. What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? THE PINK ONES. Do you think that you act like yourself while online? I act more like myself online. Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? No. Who is the fakest person in your life right now? I don't keep those people in my life. Have you ever laid down in the grass, and made shapes out of the clouds? As a kiddo. When someone’s constantly negative, how do you deal with it? It depends on the person, but ALMOST in all cases, I really really try to support the person as best I can. It may start to bring me a bit down, but I feel I'm just like... hardwired to help those I love. I think it's what my relationship with Jason did, as he left because he couldn't handle my depression anymore, and with how that absolutely and utterly annihilated me, I don't want anyone else to feel that pain. Now, for people I don't have much of a bond with, it's easier for me to say "I'm sorry, but I can't handle this right now," but even then, I prefer to help. Does Christmas make you feel like a kid again? No. I'm really most excited for aunt reasons, lol. Do you have any artistic talent? Some. Would you ever shoplift from a store if you knew you wouldn’t be caught? Absolutely not. When one of your pets dies, how do you react? Usually cry. I've only ever not done so if I hadn't at all formed a bond with the animal. When you go to the movies, where in the theater do you sit? Close to the front, in the middle. When was the last time you lost your appetite? I don’t know. Have you ever neglected to take care of yourself? Er. Quite badly during '16, in the depth of my depression. I'll just say my teeth are kinda yellow because of it. I want to whiten my teeth at some point if I can afford that kind of luxury. The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? In RP, the most recent section being written now is my main protagonists receiving a visit from their allies before getting their asses torn up the next day lmao. After a fight, who apologizes first - you, or the other person? Usually me, but it does depend. If I genuinely feel I didn't do jackshit wrong, no, I'm not apologizing. When you’re feeling creative, what do you do? Write. Do you mind being in your house alone overnight? Not really by now. Done so a number of times. Are there any dreams you remember from childhood? Nightmares, yes, and one very realistic dream. What worries you most about death? Not knowing what happens afterwards. Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970s or earlier? I love The Munsters, I Love Lucy, The Beverly Hillbillies, and The Addams Family. I'm sure there's more, considering I liked to watch stuff with my mom as a kid. Who’s your celebrity crush(es)? HHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Ever been to a rave? No. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? I don't really do that. Like I'll vent about people occasionally, but "talk shit" seems like the wrong word. I don't like gossiping. Are you a jealous person? Envious, rather, sometimes. I get VERY envious when it comes to photography, but otherwise, I don't feel it much. Who do you text the most out of your friends? Sara is like the only friend I text, lol. What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public?
 Honestly, call an authority. I don't fuck with that. I'm not watching it happen. How often do you play video games? What are some of your favourites?
 I played World of Warcraft daily until my laptop took a shit. Need to get that fixed. Now I play actual video games very rarely... but mostly just because you can only replay the same ole game so many times before you've had enough of it for like a year. There are a great number of new games I want to play, though. I want a PS4 soooo badly. What are a few things that get on your nerves when it comes to Facebook (or your social networking site of choice)?
 More than anything, posting something that's crying for attention only for the person to be like "ugh I don't wanna talk about it." Then don't fucking post it. What are three things you’ve started to like lately? I feel like I haven't found new interests in a long time... Wait! I do feel The Handmaid's Tale and the Wings of Fire book Sara lent me have revived my love of reading! :') I want to go to the book store when I can and get both the new sequel to THT and the next WoF book. What was the last reason for having butterflies in your stomach?
 *shrug* Do you need a lot of space in relationships, or are you happy to spend a lot of time with your SO?
 I need SOME alone time, but for the most part I love being together. Once we're really close, anyway. What was the last thing you cooked from scratch? Scrambled eggs. Have you ever won anything from those games in arcades?
 Yeah. Funny story, there was this one time my sister won a stuffed duck from a claw machine, and it was the one I wanted after trying many times, and I cried so hard that one of the employees literally got one out for me lmfao. I probably still have it in the attic. When was the last time you went out to a fair?
 Not since right before the breakup. How far is the nearest zoo or wildlife park from your house? Do you go often?
 Like, two hours. We almost never go because of the distance. Are either one of your parents retired? If not, what do they do for a living?
 No. My dad's been a mailman all my life, and Mom is currently on disability because she has cancer and obviously can't work because of chemotherapy and all that. She was a pharmacy tech, though. If you could change one physical trait about yourself, what would it be?
 Can all this weight like vanish please. Have you ever gone out with someone you didn’t like?
 ????? Why would I do that???? Well, I didn't yet like-like Tyler because we hadn't been reunited as friends long enough; dating was kinda like... a dumb way to re-get to know each other? Thank fuck that was only two weeks. Would you ever take a bullet for your significant other? I'm single. Would you ever work at a fast food restaurant?
 No. History shows I can't work with people. Are you good at haunted houses, or do you scream your head off?
 AHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! If you’ve seen it, what did you think of the Twilight movie?
 I never watched them. Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck on a frozen pole?
 No. Are you a cat or a dog person?
 Cat. Does the movie Titanic make you cry?
 Ha ha, yes. I watched it on movie day while at the psych hospital and all of us were lil bitches almost sobbing, lol. Because it's a long movie, it went past our allotted time, but the nurses decided to let us finish it because we were so into it. I do have some good memories from those times... Do you think that fat people should wear skinny jeans? I think people can wear whatever the fuck they want without fear of judgment. Do you prefer game systems like Xbox, or older ones like Super Nintendo? The former. Do you enjoy indie music? Yep! What is the most strange piercing you’ve ever seen? Those ones people were getting on their fingers instead of rings... just huh. What do you do when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store? Look around, I guess. Think. What is your favourite beach to go to? I haven't been to enough to know. Have you ever been to a country club? No. Have you ever seen an animal die in real life? Too many times. Animals have been euthanized in my arms, and a kitten slowly died in my hands once. One of the most heartbreaking things I have ever experienced. Teddy accidentally punctured its lungs or broke ribs, I think, or something like that. I'm pretty sure he was trying to bring it back to its siblings because it wandered off, but he held it too tightly. I was home alone, too. It was fucking awful. Do you live on a Rd, St, Blvd, Ln, Way, or Ave? Road. Do you have naked pictures of someone saved on your phone? No. Would you ever go see an opera? Bitch I played Parasite Eve, I don't trust that shit. But seriously, no, not my scene. Do you own anything John Deere? No. Do you have a push mower or a mower that you ride on? Neither. A friend mows for us; he has the latter. What is the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic for? No clue. I think during a trip to New York. Would you consider joining the air force, army, etc? No. Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Dylan. I thought he was super cute and cool. What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? I dunno. Who did you idolize growing up? Steve Irwin. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? No. Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? Best: English. Worst: math. Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. Writing poetry. Drawing. Do you like to get your nails done? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT. Do you like to wear dresses? Hell no with my current body. Do you like any ‘manly’ activities like hunting, fishing, or camping? I find fishing to be fun and relaxing, but because of morals, I can't stomach doing it anymore. What was the name of your first boyfriend? First with the title, Aaron. First *real* boyfriend, Jason. Your first kiss? Jason. Are you still with either of those people from the last 2 questions? No. Have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket? Ha ha no. I think. What is your longest relationship to date? Three years, 7-8 months. I don't remember if the breakup was in August or September. Who ended the last relationship you were in? It was kinda like... mutual-ish, but moreso her. Have you ever gotten back with an ex? No. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Do you cry during romantic movies? Sometimes. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Have you ever been used? I don't think so romantically, but in other ways, I know I have been. Have you ever felt violated? Yes. Do you like when a guy takes you by surprise and kisses you? Not everyone likes guys, so what an assumption. But anyway, only if we're very serious and have heavy trust in one another. Do you ever leave the house without makeup? Pretty much always. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Been a few years. What kind of gift can win you over? BITCH buy me something Mark-related and you earn like 20 points. Has anyone ever sung to you? Yes. Do you like massages? Depends on who you are. In almost any case, no. They're awkward. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. Do you sleep naked? No. Is smoking a turn-off? Yes. Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss? No. When was the last time you spent the night at someone else’s house? When I was at Sara's a year or so back. What is one food you always crave? Ice cream. Are you an exercise freak? Hunny- What scares you more, spiders or snakes? Snakes don't scare me, so spooders. Do you expect to be married in the next two years? No. Would you ever get implants? Nah. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s sibling? No. Are you more of a 'girly girl’ or a 'tomboy’? A tomboy. Have you ever dated someone with a child? No. Are you addicted to texting? No.

[archiefm]

         ... claws my way up from hell once more and vomits onto the dash.... hello. its nora. i used to write rory bergstrom, but if u were here before that u might remember me as greta or alma putnam or..... som1 else.... an endless carousel of trash children..... this is finn, who i actually wrote for an early version of this rp abt 5yrs back now...... grits teeth..... so forgive me if im rusty i havent written him in a long time but seein honey boy gave me a lotta finn muse n im keen to get Back On The Horse yeehaww...

DYLAN O’BRIEN / CIS-MALE — don’t look now, but is that finn o’callaghan i see? the 25 year old criminology and forensic studies student is in their graduate year of study year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be judicious, adroit, morose and cynical, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he will make a name for themselves living off-campus. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her )

shakes my tin can a humble pinterest, ma’am....

finn has a bio pasted at the bottom (n written in like.... 2015.... gross) but it’s long  so if u don’t wanna read it here’s the sparknotes summary..... anyway this was written years ago n a lot of it seems really cliche and lame now but..... we accept the trash we think we deserve

grumpy, ugly sweater wearing, tech-savvy grandpa

very dry sense of humour and embraces nihilism. 

if ron swanson and april ludgate had a baby it would be finn

he was raised in derry, just south of dublin.

from a big family. elder sister called sinead. he also has a younger sister (aoife), a younger brother (colm), and a collie named lassie because his father lovs cliches (finn hates cliches but loves his dog). 

his father was a pub landlord and his mother worked at the market sellin fruit n veg when they met but got a job as a medical receptionist when she had kids cos it meant she cld be there with them in the day and work nights.

his parents met when they were p young and fiesty and rushed into marriage cos they were catholic n just wanted to have sex. his family were literally dirt-poor, but they had a lot of love i guess

hmmmmm his relationship w his father wasn’t the best cos i can’t write character who have healthy relationships w their parents throws up a peace sign. yh, had a pretty emotionally distant, alcoholic violent father n so gets a lot of his bad habits i.e. drinking as a coping mechanism and poor anger management from him BUT anyway

as a kid he was never very motivated in class, he always had a nervous itch to be off somewhere doing something else. struggled under government austerity bcso there just wasn’t the resources to support low income families where the kids had learning difficulties n needed support. fuck the tories am i right 

his mum suggested he try sports to help w his restless energy but he was never any good at football so he took up boxing and tap dance instead. he took to tap dancing like a fish to fuckin water. as adhd n found this as a really good way to use his excess energy in a creative way

had a few run ins with the police in his early teens for spray painting and graffiti, but he straightened himself out n now actually considering becoming a detective inspector??? cops are pigs.

he had a youtube channel where he posted videos of him tapdancing and breakdancing as a kid, basically would be a tiktok boy nowadays, n had like... a small fanbase in his early teens. attended several open auditions unsuccessfully, until he was finally cast in billy eliot when he was fifteen.

during billy eliot he began dating an italian dancer called nina. they became dance partners soon after and toured across the republic with various different shows (inc riverdance lol the classic irish stereotype). their relationship was p toxic tbh, they were both very hot tempered people and just used to argue and fight all the time.

he went semi-pro at tap dancing, and nina couldn’t stand being second best so she moved back to italy with her family. ignored his texts, phone calls, etc, eventually he was driven to the point where he used his savings to buy a plane ticket, showed up at her house and she was like wtf?? freaked out and filed a restraining order accusing him of stalking.

he was fined for harassment and then returned home to derry, but after the incident with nina he quit dancing for good and finished his leaving cert before heading to university in the US to get as far away from nina and his past life as poss. and basically since he quit dancing to study forensics (death kink. finn cant get enough of that morgue. just walks around sayin beat u) he’s become a massive grump and jsut doesn’t see the good in people any more.

u’ll find finn in an old man bar drinking whiskey bc he is in fact an old man at heart or sat on his roof smoking a joint, drawing wolves and lions and skeletons and shit, playing call of duty or getting blazed or at the corner of the room in a house party ignoring everyone and scrolling through twitter. is a massive e-boy. always up-to-date on memes and internet slang. has reddit as an app on his phone

not very good at communication. rather than solve his issues by talking, he’d prefer to just solve them through fighting or running away from his problems hence why he has come halfway across the world to get away from an issue which probs cld have been solved w a few apology emails.

takes a lot to phase him, but when his beserk button gets pressed he can become a bit pugnacious like an angry lil rottweiler. in his undergrad he was in a few fist fights but doesn’t really do tht any more as he doesn’t condone violence.

 in the previous version of this rp he was hospitalised like 5 times. pls, give my son a break. stop tryin to kill him. he literaly got a bottle smashed over his head and bled out all over his favourite angora rug that was the only light of his life

works at the campus coffee shop n always whines about how he’s a slave to capitalism. always smells of coffee

lives off campus with an elderly woman named Marianne, and basically gets reduced rent bcos he makes her dinner / keeps her company. they have a great bond

fan of karl marx. v big on socialism

insomniac with chronic nosebleeds

cynical about everything. too much of a fight club character 4 his own good n has his head up tyler durden’s sphincter

always confused or annoyed

statistics

basic information

full name: finnegan seamus o'callaghan nickname(s): finn age: 25 astrological sign: aries hometown: derry, ireland occupation: phd student / former street entertainer fatal flaw: cynicism positives: self-reliant, street smart, relaxed, intelligent, spontaneous, brave, independent, reliable, trustworthy, loyal. negatives: hostile, impulsive, stubborn, brooding, pugnacious, untrusting, cynical, enigmatic, reserved.

physical

colouring: medium hair colour: dark brown, almost black eye colour: brown height: 5’9” weight: 69kg build: tall, athletic voice: subtle irish accent, low, smooth. dominant hand: left scar(s): one on the left side of his ribs from a knife wound that he doesn’t remember getting cos he was drunk distinguishing marks: freckles, tattoo of a wolf howling at a moon allergies: pollen and the full spectrum of human emotion alcohol tolerance: high drunken behaviour: he becomes friendlier, far more conversational than when sober, flirtier, and generally more self-confident.

psychological

dreams/goals: self-fulfilment, travel the globe, experience life in its most alive and technicoloured version, make documentary films, help the vulnerable in society, grow as a human being.

skills: jack-of-all-trades, very fast runner, good at thieving things, talented tap dancer, good in crisis situations, dab-hand at mechanics, musically-intelligent, can throw a mean right hook and very capable of defending himself, can roll a cigarette, memorises quotes and passages of literature with ease, can light a match with his teeth.

likes: the smell of the earth after rain, poetry, cigarettes, shakespeare, whiskey, tattoos, travelling, ac/dc, deep conversations, leather jackets, open spaces, the smell of petrol, early noughties ‘emo phase’ anthems.

dislikes:  the government, parties, rules, donald trump, children, apple products, weddings, people in general, small talk, dependency, loneliness, pop music, public transport, justin timberlake, uncertainty.fears: fear itself, drowning alignment: true neutral mbti: istp – “while their mechanical tendencies can make them appear simple at a glance, istps are actually quite enigmatic. friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, istp personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. istps can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.” (via 16personalities.com)

full bio (lame as fuck written years ago..... pleathe...)

tw homophobia

born in quigley’s pub on the backstreets of sunny dublin, young finnegan o'callaghan was thrown kicking and screaming into the rowdy suburbs of irish drinking culture. the son of a landlord and a fishwife, he never had much in the way of earnings, but there was never a dull moment in his lively estate, where asbo’s thrived, but community spirit conquered. at school, finn was pegged as lazy and unmotivated, though truly his dyslexia made it hard for the boy to learn in the same environment of his peers and only made him more closed-off in class. struggling with anger management, finn moved from school to school, unable to fit the cookie-cutter mould that school enforced on him, though whilst academic studies were of little interest to the boy, he soon found his true passions lay in recreational activities. immersed into the joys of sport from as young as four, finn was an ardent munster fan and anticipated nothing more than the day he could finally fit into his brother’s old pair of rugby boots.

his calling finally came unexpectedly, not in the form of rugger, but through dance. to learn to express himself in a non-academic way, he began tap dancing, finding therapy in the beat of his soles against the cracked kitchen tiles (much to his mother’s disgrace). it wasn’t a conscious choice, finn just realised one day that dance was something that made him feel. a king of the streets, finn made his fortune on those cobbled pavements – dancing and drawing to earn his keep. by default, finn became a street artist, each penny he earned from his chalk drawings saved in a jam jar towards buying his first pair of tap shoes. though many of his less-than-amiable neighbours called him a nancy and a gaybo, finn refused to quit at his somewhat ‘unconventional’ hobby, for the young scrapper found energy, life, and released anger through the rhythm of tap. soon he branched out into street dance, hip hop, break dancing, lyrical, his days spent smacking his scuffed feet against the broken patio into the night.

when he was thirteen he took up boxing, and as expected, his newfound ‘macho’ pastime conflicted with his dancing. the boxers called him ‘soft’; the dancers called him ‘inelegant’. he felt like two different people; having to choose between interests was like being handed a knife and asked to which half of himself he wished to cut away. he couldn’t afford professional training in dance, with most schools based in england and limited scholarships available. instead, he made the street his studio, racking up a small fanbase on youtube. when he was fifteen he made his debut in billy eliot at the olympia theatre in dublin. enter nina de souza, talented, beautiful and italian; ballet dancer, operatic singer, genius whiz kid, and spoiled brat. she was selfish, conceited, hell bent on getting her own way, and every director’s nightmare. finn fell for her like a house of cards. he’d always had a soft spot for girls who meant trouble. and so their hellish courtship began.

by the time they were seventeen, the two young swans had danced in every playhouse across the republic. they were known in theatres across the country for their tempestuous personalities, their raging arguments with one another, their tendency to drop out of shows altogether without any notice, yet the money kept rolling in and the audiences continued to grow. for three years, their families continued to put up with their hysterical fights followed by passionate reconciliations. he was too possessive, and she was too wild. their carcrash of a relationship finally came to a catastrophic halt when nina broke off the whole affair and returned to italy with her family. for months finn tried to contact her, yet his phone calls, texts, facebook messages were always ignored, until finally he was driven to drastic measures and used his savings to get a plane to her home town. when finn turned up uninvited at nina’s house she freaked out – and rightly so – she contacted her agent, accused him of stalking her, and had a restraining order placed against him. finn was arrested, held in a station overnight, and charged with harassment before he was allowed to return to dublin.

after the incident with nina, finn lost the fight in his eyes. he became far more hostile, far less likely to retaliate with his own fists, and picked fights not for the thrill of feeling his own fists pummel another into a wall, but for the sensation of his own brittle bones cracking. he dropped his tap shoes in a dumpster, stopped talking to his friends, followed his father’s advice and went back to school to complete his leaving certificate. a few short months later, and finn was packing his bags, saying his bittersweet goodbyes, and travelling half-way across the globe to be as far away as possible from his past self, his mess of a life, and most of all nina. it seemed somehow ironic that the boy who had been cautioned by the garda so much during his youth for spray painting, busking without a liscence, and raucous parties would become the grumpy, aloof overseas student studying a degree in criminology; that his once reckless spirit could be crushed so easily. 

of all things that finn could be called, straightforward would never be one of them. ever since his first days in atticus, the boy was pegged as hostile, hot-headed, cynical, rude. he seemed to spend more time in his thoughts than engaging in conversation. like a ticking time-bomb, finn’s anger was of the calm kind, liable to explode without a moment’s noticed. his unpredictable personality make him something of an enigma to those who aren’t amiable with the lad, though hostile as he may appear, he harvests a good heart. loyalty lies at the centre of his affections, and whilst his friends are few in number, he makes a lifelong partner. somewhere within finn, there’s still some fight left, but mostly he has recognised that his hedonistic lifestyle did little to leave him fulfilled – mostly, it just emptied him out – and over his three years at university has resigned himself to a nihilistic predicament.

        if u wanna plot with me pls pls pls im me or like this post!! i am always game for plots i love em so excited to write with you all here r some ideas

study buddies. finn is now a phd student so has to start takin shit seriously. he gon be in the library every day doing that independent study. if he had ppl who were also regular library goers n they get each other coffees to save time.... tht wld be sweet

ppl who love techno dj sets and going super hard on the weekends!!! fuck yea

friends with benefits. exes on bad terms. ppl he tried to date but couldnt because he’s always emotionally hung up on someone else. spicy hook up plots

ppl he met touring?? maybe ppl who were also in the entertainment industry..... anyone got a character who is ex circus hit me up

does anyone else study criminology / forensics / criminal psych / law? phd students sometimes lecture so he cld be an assistant lecturer / tutor if ur character is in a younger year

gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!

finn goes to the skatepark and all the young boys there think he’s a gradnpa which he is! 

[tessacxstello]

hello im (F, 24) an idiot and forgot to post tessa’s (F, 22, fictional) intro!

pls bare in mind most of this was written 5+ years ago n i haven’t written tessa since 2015...... but lets get this show (LOCKWOODRP) on the road (DASHBOARD). 

tw school shooting, tw bipolar disorder

art hoe. always covered in paint. why?? she bad at painting

the mark rothko jackson pollock kind of bad tho wher people are like.... omg.... revolutionary..... its a badly drawn vagina

fuckin loves astrology, but cant take it that seriously bcos one of her bfs was a gemini so there’s some lenience there. but she WILL blame her hormones and mood swings on the positon of mars

embodies pure sunshine. 

one of those really annoying people that can go through the most traumatic shit and still find a positive spin. 

cares so much for others but does not really care for herself n it’s meant she just bottles up all this shit n when someone asks her how her day has gone she just falls on the ground like tht bit in midsommar when florence does that loud wheezy noise and sits down 

has never really had much money at all. learns to make-do with what she has. loves upcycling!! her bookshelf is made from cardboard which she’s reinforced by pappering it over with pages ripped out of thrifted books. her sofa is an old car boot which she’s repainted, put on wheels and stuffed w cushions so that it’s actually bearable to sit on.

her knitted cardigan? its made out of wife material.

knits all the time. will crochet you a christmas scarf. if ur lucky you might get a knitted jumper with a penis in a santa hat

still sleeps with cuddly toys n then wonders why ppl dont think she’s mature enough for a serious relationship

very passionate about Sister Doing It For THemselves!! raised by a single mom who worked her ass off so that tessa could do fun activities after school, have lelli kelly shoes, and go to college (not necessarily in tht order of importance)

tessa was born out of wedlock as the result of an affair between her mom (a journalism intern in her early 20s) and a new york times editor. 

the editor offered to pay tessa’s mom off to have an abortion, but she was like fuck u and told the papers he’d done that and used the money to cover the cost of her internship which they refused to pay her for

and because of the scandal, he ended up going through a pretty messy divorce with his wife, and losing custody of his kids. so as a child  tessa was seen as the cause of a divorce and received mutliple letters from the editors wife (to tessa personally!) and his kids saying how she had ruined everything, but her mom moved them to another town so tessa didn’t have to deal with that crap. 

her mom worked 3 jobs to put her through school, so in return tessa pushes herself incredibly hard to succeed. needs a break and a hug and to get laid to be honest. 

an old soul. likes old films, old music, old people. only recently got an iphone 5s so not really with this century yet

very sweet and soft and kind but also a fucking mess and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion. she’ll take comfort, but not advice. 

feminist buddhist bisexual vegetarian for human rights and animal welfare. standing on a soapbox shouting about the climate in the quad, shoving flyers into your hands. flyers everwhere. she turns up at your grandmas funeral and shoves one into her mouth. she’s stolen the mic from the vicar to talk about pandas.

says “mother of pearl” and “heavens to betsy”.

had an affair with her married piano teacher and he’s now facing a custody battle and his wife is leaving him and tessa has completely internalised that guilt despite her being the victim in the scenario

aesthetics: paint splattered jeans, loose curls spilling from a scrunchie, thrifted blouses in bright yellow, guzzling coffee in the library at three am when a term paper’s due, shoddily illustrated campaign posters to save endangered species, polaroids plastered to your bedroom walls with scribbled dates on the frames, jumping into a stack of autumn leaves, jumping off piers in the summer months and stripping off your wet clothes on the beach, digging your thumbs into peaches to leave a bruise, smoking with the extractor fan on to hide the smell, bath bombs, letting the girls at lush rub samples all over your skin, cacti with knitted bobble hats, decorative pillows and sun and moon blanket throws, basic bitch fairy lights hanging from every single window, painting the name of the boys you’ve loved inside your wardrobe door.

studies fine art and philosophy, and wants to become either a lecturer or the first woman president. vibe wise, very similar to leslie knope, missy from big mouth, and basically the naive everygirl with a high opinion of themselves trope

gets drunk off like one double vodka lemonade because she’s small and she’s a pretty messy wild drunk. it’s when slutty tessa comes out, and the next day she’ll thoroughly regret every choice made and decide she’s never drinking again and cutting out all men and starting daily sudoko

on the cheerleading team and is a flyer, which she sees as a HUGE responsibility and she works really hard to make sure she’s on it for her team. one of those get up at 7am and go to the gym before school types its sickening

she had a really traumatic time at high school because there was a shooting in her school. she was in the next classroom when it happened, and she lost one of her friends in the shooting. she had to take two months off school, was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressants because of it. in her 2nd year of uni she was rediagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety, which she’s now on medication for. she can be really good for several months at a time and feel super creative and determined (she actually finds manic periods helpful for her creativity n art, n sadly sometimes doesn’t take her meds in these periods to push herself more which is obvs super bad.....). but when the bad periods come they can also last months n she had to take a semester out of school last year because of her mood, so she should be a senior by now but she’s retaking junior year

she attends weekly stress-management sessions prescribed by her doctor which she finds pointless.

very childish in the sense that she can only see her own point of view and kind of views herself as the “protagonist” and thinks her ideas are super important and life changing and she IS Destined for Greatness! despite being pretty much average af

pinterest board.

STATS

age: 22

height: 5'2"

positive traits: kind-hearted, gregarious, selfless, philosophical, open minded, idealistic, courageous, feisty, charismatic, loyal, adventurous.

negative traits: stubborn, hot-headed, reticent, escapist, self-destructive, easily led, naive, troubled, complicated, stepford smiler, envious, overdramatic, explosive.

distinguishing Marks: heart-shaped birthmark on the right of her chest, splattering of freckles across the cheeks during summer months, full lips, large eyes, porcelain features, long wavy hair, tattoo of a bird and a cage on her ankles and a basic bitch arrow tat on her wrist (srry to anyone with an arrow tat).

skills: jack-of-all-trades, talented pianist, perceptive, knows the correct way to throw a punch, good survival instinct, is able to remain calm in stressful situations, endures, artistic, excels in academic studies, hard-working and self-motivated, expert liar and talented actress.

likes: wolves, vintage thrift store fashion, old leather-bound books, left-wing democratic politics, cigarettes, poetry, John Hughes movies, cold coffee, hot tea, the sound of laughter, staying up til 4am having deep conversations, Tchaikovsky, having deep conversations about life, stationary, DC Comics, horoscopes, winged eyeliner, cats, knee-high socks, house music, abandoned buildings, studio ghibli, the smell of the earth after rain, Wes Anderson films, herbal tea, old people, solitude, esoteric things, the smell of freshly baked bread, Charles Bukowski, the moon.

fears: death, oblivion, global warming, losing those she loves, isolation, clowns, guns, enclosed spaces.

nicknames: Tess, T-Dog, Tessie, Socrates, Princess, Sunshine Girl, Florence Nightingale.

alignment: Neutral Good

MBTI type: INFP

BIOGRAPHY

tw school shooting

Her story begins with Cordelia Costello, a twenty-three year old college drop-out, turned beautician, turned columnist, turned intern at a local publishing company. She was a youthful, beautiful, siren of a women, always surrounded by an aura of enigma and an entourage of men. It was no surprise to the gossips in the office that within six months working at the company, Cordelia had added to her list another title – mistress to Franklin Hozier, the Editor of the New York Times. After two blissful months and three hundred and twenty seven orgasms, Cordelia decided she wanted a baby. Franklin laughed in her face. Feeling isolated and used, Cordelia continued her affair with her boss’ boss for another month, before deciding to take matters into her own hands.

It started with a turkey baster.

Soon the infant cries of a baby girl graced the world, her wrinkled skin puckered and pink as her mother held her in her arms, glancing upon the most beautiful thing in her life. Once Tessa, named after Cordelia’s favourite literary heroine, entered the world, Franklin left her life and things took a turn for the better. Despite living in a rented one-bedroom apartment in Staten Island, on what little money Cordelia had saved, Tessa’s childhood years were filled with nothing but the happiest of memories. Times were tough, but what they lacked in money, the Costello’s made up in love. While Tessa was at school, Cordelia did odd jobs cleaning, child-minding, working in local nurseries, in order to save up enough money to give her daughter the best start in life.

Despite what she had been led to believe by television shows and teen movies, the first few years of High School were some of the best years of her life. Tessa threw herself into a multitude of activities that High School offered her, including the drama club, the orchestra, choir, badminton and the school newspaper. While she certainly wasn’t considered ‘popular’ at school, Tess had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. In fact, High School was a place where she made some of the greatest memories of her life, but come her final year, it was also a place where she was haunted by some of her worst.

On the January 17th of Tessa’s senior year of high school, a shooting took place in Westville High School. For two hours Tessa locked herself in a supply cupboard, her head between her knees as she tried to stay silent despite the screams of horror from the corridor. Eighteen students were caught in the crossfire, two of which were Tessa’s best friends. Bouquets of flowers, laminated photographs, Teddy Bears in cling-film bags attached to balloons littered the streets as families and friends came to pay tribute to the eighteen students withered before they had a chance to bloom.

It took two months of therapy before Tessa could return to school. Some of the survivors could never return due to the horrors that their eyes had laid witness to. Sometimes Tessa felt like a part of her had died with the friends that were stolen from her too soon, but one thought kept her going through: she had survived, she was alive and breathing, and she could not afford to loose a second of the precious time she had been granted on this earth. Despite the nightmares that continued to haunt her each night, Tessa found in the aftermath of the disaster a new sense of motivation. She began applying for scholarships for colleges without her mother’s knowledge, in the hope that her academic success would be enough to carry her through further education. Thankfully, it was, and after three torturous months of waiting Tess was offered an arts scholarship to her dream school, Lockwood University, where she hoped she could finally start to rebuild her life.

THE PRESENT:

Life at university was like a separate world. Students came and went like moths among the whisperings and the tequila and the stars. In this new world, Tessa was exposed for the first time in her life to alcohol, drugs, and the sexual appetites of other students her age – though she politely declined all three. Instead, Tessa threw herself into the vast array of activities in the hope that by distracting herself she could escape the terrible flashbacks that continued to haunt her. Tessa joined the lacrosse team, despite never having played before, and took up cheerleading discovering a new talent; she joined the musical theatre group, and the film club, and even set up her own acapella singing society. But despite how much she tried to throw herself into student life, her past hung around her like a bad smell, and with the added pressure of the Sinking Ships zine, Tess began to feel the weight of her secret tying her down like a pair of shackles around her wrists.

PERSONALITY:

If someone was to describe Tessa in a single word, it would most likely be ‘bubbly’, ‘open-minded’ or ‘sweet’. But they would be wrong – Tessa is not bubbly, or sweet, or stubborn, or hotheaded, or fiesty, or infectious, or any of the things the world see her as, but merely a numb and lonely echo of the gregarious, halcyon girl she once was. Tessa Costello was one of life’s enigmas. No one knew who she was, for to each person she met she wore a different mask – she dripped confidence, or was painfully shy; she was an exhibitionist, or a brooding wallflower; she took things too seriously, or not seriously at all. She was an actress and the world was her stage, each person she met a different member of the audience in the performance of her life. In truth, Tessa no longer even recognised herself. Insecure, and self-destructive, she tried to hang on to the extroverted, mischievous pieces of herself that everyone had once loved, but day by day it got harder to know what lay in the vacant holes blown through her mind. While she was stubborn and hot-headed, Tessa always saw the best in people, which meant that she was easily led astray. While she had grown up learning to be street smart and astute, she was idealistic and allowed silly fantasies to cloud her mind. By nature, she was passionate, which lead her to misimagine and romanticise those she met. Despite the hell she had witnessed, and the anxiety that feasted upon her, she believed that people were innately good and that to have courage and be kind could cure anyone of their sadness – yet she was unable to cure herself.

TWITTER:

@500daysoftessa: i blame disney films and musicals for my high expectations of men

@500daysoftessa: i am in love with the boy who works at starbucks. today i asked for a double latte and he gave me a tripple, which i think is proof that my love is requited. our children will be smart and talented and beautiful.

@500daysoftessa: little known historical fact: pharaohs were burried with their hands crossed over their chests because it was a popular belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

[prcphcts]

ELLE FANNING / CIS FEMALE. — henrietta prophet is really making a name for themselves as a tier 6 shepherd. i think that she is studying economics + communications in their sophomore year at lockwood, living in omega mu. originally from darlington, south carolina, henri is known to be ritzy & magnetic, but can also be intractable & guileful. — james / 20 / est / she/they.

aaaaaand that’s 5/5 intros done !!! woo !! realizing tht henri’s might be my longest as well :/ sry abt that ... all of that just 2 say she’s chaotic evil n a liar ... god ... anyways !!

TW ANIMAL CRUELTY, VOMIT MENTION, BULLYING, VIOLENCE, HIT & RUN, MURDER, DEATH, BODY IMAGE.

a e s t h e t i c s

the struggling flicker of a diamond-encrusted lighter, puppy dog pouts and crocodile tears, a mother’s pearls and her earrings to match, tarnished tennis bracelets soaked in vinegar and baking soda, baby pink stiletto nails, baby pink stiletto heels, furs and leathers and snakeskins, body glitter, reapplying lip gloss three times within ten minutes, biographies of famous war generals, twelve rings and ten fingers, persistent nosebleeds, the twirl of a tennis skirt, swan imagery, marble floors and chandeliers, fuzzy sleeping masks, long sheer robes, each lock of blonde hair methodically curled, practicing expressions in the mirror, spinning many webs.

general info !!

full name: henrietta eloise prophet

nickname(s): henri, etta, hen.

b.o.d. - august 13th, 20 yrs old.

label(s): the baby doll, the hellion, the icarian, the minx, the prevaricator, etc.

height: 5′9″ n she’ll stomp you out with her hooves

hometown: darlington, south carolina

sexuality: mostly straight :// tragic. but she’s also chaotic evil so :/

pinterest

stats

biography !!

born in a city entirely too small for her, in a hospital in which she never cried in, and brought home to a four white columns exterior and a perfectly maintained lawn to two, normal, average, relatively well off but nowhere near millionaire status adults.

her father, william, was a simple man who has spent years climbing the ladder as a car parts salesman, only to stay stuck in the same position - same roll, same paycheck - for the past however many years. her mother, audrey, was an accountant at the same bank she visited as a child with her own mother, tiny fists balled up and tugging at the hem of her dress as she made withdraws.

there are no more prophet children, at least between william and audrey - henrietta’s an only child and a spoiled one at that. her parents showered her in gifts and affections - a desperate attempt to subdue her toddler terror years, a plan that worked most occasions.

she’d always been particularly bossy, particularly bratty - in her pink ribbon’d dresses and too puffy skirts, hands on hips and an awfully demanding voice to anyone that dared displease her - whether they were classmates, friends, family, teachers - waiters at restaurants, mommy and daddy’s coworkers. it had once been considered cute, in a way. nothing too concerning.

then she started ripping the wings off of butterflies, sticking them beside her eyes and prancing about - announcing herself the butterfly conqueror. not the butterfly queen, or princess - conqueror. vanquisher. defeater. victor. winner. champion.

she’d play by herself, often - partially in fault to the butterfly accident, which happened at another child’s birthday party - which had her dismissed early from the event, which had henrietta snatching back her carefully wrapped present (and a few, smaller bags - shoved right inside her barbie purse) and stomping out of the backyard.

it was easier to command an army of stuffed animals and barbie dolls than other people, but it hadn’t ever felt the same. playing pretend was never as good as actually doing. she minded being alone. hated it, despised it. so she’d learn to draw people in - small promises of homemade snacks and wearing her favorite tiara instead of herself - little white lies intended to draw people near and dear to her.

an awfully demanding, awfully conniving child whose personality only worsened as she got older. clawing at kids who wanted to be ‘queen’ at play time in kindergarten turned into getting sick, so very unfortunately, onto the dress of another girl for her third grade talent show who dared pick the same song as henrietta.

in middle school she became part of her school’s ‘peer mediator’ program - in which students deal with other student’s conflicts - a terrible, horrible idea. a terrible, horrible idea that henrietta had loved, fed off of. peers came to her, and days later - rumors were spread about the very people seeking comfort.

nothing has ever been off-limits to henrietta. if she wants it, she gets it.

history class entranced her - from the moment she had begun to learn about wars, she’d been obsessed. on her own, she’d research them - the strategies war generals had used, and which ones failed - which ones succeeded. she took the strategies to heart.

because henrietta had never felt like she’d been enough - not in a way that she loathed herself, no - henrietta loved herself. still does. but because her life had never felt enough - her parents were never enough, with all their affection - she always wanted more. more clothes, more toys, more friends, more control. more more more more more.

she always wanted to lead the narrative, to shape her own path - to shape other’s paths, always imagined things different - how she’d change things, if she could, whether they were classroom rules or real life situations. insatiable.

moved to rochester, new york the summer before her freshmen year at high school due to her father switching territories in a desperate attempt to up his paycheck. with her stained reputation ( known for biting classmates, throwing major tantrums, starting rumors, once gave the first clarinet chair bad sushi so she’d be sick during a winter concert in the 7th grade - leaving henri no choice but to take her place as best clarinet player, and other unsettling behaviors ) - henrietta thought it was an excellent decision.

spent the majority of that summer practicing how to speak without her southern drawl - it was cute, she’d admit, but far too predictable. never wanted to be known as a southern belle - just a gal with impeccable taste.

frequented new york city often within that time span, often with her dad’s credit card, and often buying well-made fakes so that she could build upon her identity as someone rich. someone important. someone influential. they couldn’t afford the real deal - so she made do, maxing their card along the way.

got introduced to the internet at a relatively young age, but she never utilized it in a way that benefited herself until she reached high school and realized she wanted to be bigger than big. better than all the girls older than her, a force to be reckon’d with.

got involved on kik in a bout of boredom and spoke to strangers often, mostly ridiculing them as she saw fit. made friends with a few - but enough of them to introduce her into a culture of scamming the creeps she’d run into on the app. how to promise them photos of herself and meet-ups, if only they sent a little bit of cash to aid her.

the money was good - but not consistent, and she’d only been so young - there was more to learn. she needed someone to teach her. and then she met tatiana samuels.

henri doted on tatiana, when they met. a few grades apart - tatiana was in her own world, a world that henri wanted in on - desperately.

she told tatiana many things - told everybody who would listen, many things. how her parents had died a few months previous ( & left her a hefty inheritance ) and she had moved in with her uncle, who she hated, and how she wanted to believe that there was still something good in the world after fate had been so cruel to her family.

tatiana took her under her wing. showed her the ropes, how to lure boys in and how to ignore the taste of certain liquors, and how to leave some stores wearing more layers than you had on going in.

henri still wanted more - and she had formed her own group of friends, twisted them around her finger so they’d never question her. still itched for something grand. something tatiana couldn’t give her. she could shoplift as much as she’d like, steal from her friends and seduce creeps online - but she was bored, and restless, and desperately trying to plan her next steps.

they stopped talking as frequently once tatiana had graduated - and then, they stopped speaking all together. this never bothered henri.

then during henri’s sophomore year came the whispers of something new. something that sparked her interest - something that she hadn’t been meant to overhear, but she had, and wanted in on.

watershed.

she wasn’t a coder, had no part in programming the app - she hadn’t even been one of the originals behind the app, just a girl in the right place at the right time - with the right ideas and the ability to be underestimated - an ability that was more often than not useful. it became another obsession of hers - much like wars, it captivated her interest.

she’s been involved with the app since 2016 - mostly out of self-interest, as she’s a girl with a lot of secrets, and a lot to lose.

the rest of high school was a blur - she’d gotten a lead in the musical after an unfortunate accident involving the lead, leaving her in a neck brace and henri, her dutiful understudy, to take on the role herself. a nasty rumor had spread about the head cheerleader during henri’s senior year - causing the girl to transfer and henri to take her place, as what was only right. both merely just coincidences that had worked in her favor.

( one fateful spring break, her senior year - henri and her gal pals had gone on a trip to california to shop, party, and celebrity hunt. all expenses paid via credit card. it was cut short after a particular accident which involved attempting to break into a celebrity’s home and fleeing the scene - henri taking the wheel and maybe, just maybe, committing an awful hit and run - and them all leaving to new york the next day. as far as those girls know - they were blackmailed into silence by someone on the app. and maybe henri has something to do with that, as well. )

lockwood was the obvious choice for her. tatiana died her freshmen year - and it was tragic, truthfully - and she shed a tear at her funeral, after all of it had been done, but no more than one, and no more after that.

personality !!

she’s an economics / communications major though she takes a lot of business / political / history related classes as well on the side. she likes to be well-rounded and educated.

still pretty obsessed w/ wars … has two twin balinese cats named napoleon & hannibal and they roam around omega mu.

a cheerleader, on the student government council, in debate, a newspaper writer, and in several sports (tennis, for one). she likes to be very involved - and likes to be very in control of what she’s involved in. needless to say she’s got a major role in each extracurricular of hers.

puts on a very kind, very friendly - helpful, maybe, if not a little eager to please personality. polite and the tiniest bit stern when it comes to school. she’ll walk you to your classes if you’re new, and leaves with fifty new facts about you while you know nearly nothing about her.

just … very clearly magnetic & charismatic & able to captivate and hold someone’s attention for a long while. rly charming :/ i guess :/ an interesting person to talk to b/c she always has a story to tell.

but she has motives for everything she does and it’s all an act - she’s very ambitious, very manipulative, and very well known for being just the opposite of that.

if anything - she tries to come off a little ditzy at times - a little giggly, while still retaining some semblance of elegance and respect. tries to radiate warmth without actually having to be so.

she’s often distant - very emotionally unavailable, none of her relationships have been long term - but there’s a lot of them, and if there is a social event then she will be there, undoubtedly, with a date on her arm.

learned from tatiana herself how to lead others on - she’s very good at making others feel important and like they have a place in her life - when henri often feels the opposite about them.

somehow manages to be seen doing charity work, or helping with fundraisers, and generally being a very involved student - whether it’s written in the college newspaper or photographed - without doing much work at all.

speaking of the college newspaper - she has an anonymous advice column where she gives purposely terrible advice under the guise of being something helpful, and well-meaning. her name is miss antoinette.

likes to be in control, and when it’s taken from her it’s always a shock - puts her on edge, and though she tries very hard to keep things under control, she’s frequently brimming with anger.

kind of person to scream when she’s alone - throws & breaks shit, a full out violent display - a tantrum meant for a toddler, in the body of a twenty year old.

the closer you become to her - or the closer you think you’re becoming - the more unsettling she seems to be. how unrealistic, almost. if you focus, you can start to pinpoint where her real laugh ends and her fake laugh begins.

has had … moments that were not her proudest - that involve her threatening someone with a sparkling pink pocket knife. mostly irritants, and after much provoking - and thankfully not in public.

she’s also incredibly stubborn - it’s near impossible to move her, or shift her opinion. always has to have her way and hates being told no.

looks out for only herself and no one else. if it comes down to it - she’ll gladly leave everybody else in the dust, especially if it means she advances.

very destructive - doesn’t hesitate to use gossip or rumors against others. has blackmailed others via the watershed app before, and will likely do so again. tends to end up using the things people tell her against them. very prone to guilt-tripping and turning tables.

her favorite color is pink & you won’t forget it. essentially evil elle woods. only wears shades of pink, and cream & white. & champagne & rose gold & metallics. will only resort to other colors in moments of absolute desperation - and even then, they’re always pastels.

big fan of fur and diamonds and pearls - everything finer in life. owns mostly designer items & flaunts them while trying to look like she’s not flaunting it.

like … she wears a lot of fur coats, and shawls ?? and dresses & skirts and heels, like she’s always dressed like she’s going to go to some big event sometime soon.

sleeps with an eye mask & a white noise machine. insists on getting 9 hours of sleep and will be incredibly grumpy without those 9 hours. spends a good amount of time on her skincare routine - like how in the marvelous ms. maisel, maisel would wake up before her husband to do her makeup and her hair and then go back to sleep right before he woke up ?? and how she’d measure herself constantly ?? that’s sort of how henrietta functions. cue american psycho morning routine monologue.

speaking of sleep … she has really weird n bizarre n frankly. just. off-putting dreams that feel like glimpses of a different reality but they just so happen to be her favorite part of her day. :/

is just … really obsessed with herself. huge ego - if she catches herself in the reflection of anything, whether it’s a window or a mirror, she’ll spend some time looking at herself for … longer than she should.

still has a nasty habit of scamming men online, though she’s delved into other websites & uses a few of the watershed functions to her benefit. pretty much constantly has money because of it.

very big into parties, though she tries her hardest to not go overboard. prefers to be able to make thought out decisions - though there have been times where she’s gone too far.

as i’m sure you can tell by now - henrietta is a very big liar. a hypocrite, too. will tell people not to do things for their best interest, then goes and does them. still tells people her parents are dead when they’re ?? very much alive ??

frankly just lies about her childhood a lot in general, even though it wasn’t terrible.

does this … thing … where if she catches wind that someone has lived close to her hometown she’ll :/ harass them on the watershed app and basically :/ just spread gossip about them until they’re firmly ostracized & away from her.

hooks up with quite a few guys but she has this … thing where she makes them think they’re special because she’s letting them sleep with her and she’s ‘very selective’ but frankly. she both is, and isn’t.

admittedly the jealous type, but also overall avoids catching feelings because she hates the distraction.

she has … emotions, somewhere, but she’s always been the type to bury them and pretend they don’t exist, even when she simultaneously acts like she does have them ??

just … a mess, overall !!

i’m sure there’s more abt her bt frankly i’m tired JSNDKFG

connections to the victims !!

tatiana samuels / her mentor. they met when henri was a freshmen in high school & tatiana was a senior, and tatiana was the one who showed henri the ropes. some of her best tricks are because of tatiana. they became distant after tatiana’s graduation, however.

george craig iii / close friends during high school, if only because of tatiana. but like her, their friendship also became distant once george had graduated high school and they hadn’t spoken much after that.

hana williams / one-sided hatred, henri hated hana and didn’t believe she was a genuine person due to hana’s outright cheerfulness. hana didn’t know this. 

christoph wainwright / fellow shepherd, they knew each other almost exclusively through the app. he did her dirty work for her.

wanted connections !!

alright … friends. particularly friends who don’t suspect her to be anything other than who she portrays herself to be ( a very school-involved, well-rounded, friendly gal ).

but then … a close friend, near and dear to her, who has seen the considerably … worse parts of her, but not all of it. who knows that she’s not just another giggling gal pal - but not the full extent of it.

someone who just. gets on her nerves & annoys her to no end. someone she’s threatened with violence before.

fwbs & one night stands - casual hook-ups.

party buddies.

people she went to high school with & are familiar with her past involving tatiana.

someone from her childhood :/ just one person who knows that henri is not all sugar & spice.

others who are suspicious of henri’s supposedly good nature - whether they’ve witnessed something they shouldn’t have, or they think her vibes are off.

fellow shepherds. shepherds she’s using. any fellow tier 6s out there ??

teammates from tennis, or cheerleading.

or others involved in the same extracurriculars she’s in.

someone she’s manipulating for whatever reason. maybe multiple people.

full blown enemies where she just can’t hold back.

someone who is just as destructive as she is & they wreck havoc together when they’re off campus.

a good amount of her exes ?? nothing long term.

her dealers :/ mostly … weed & pills.

rly anything else !! whatever u want !! do it !!

[vyladromeave]

Mr. Zvahl has updated!

Chapter 6: Forage and Found

(Read the full thing on AO3!)

(A/N: nbvGJDFSFSD THIS IS SO LATE IM SORRY. It was TECHNICALLY done like a week or so ago but it was under 1k words and i just couldnt Post It mnbdsfghfsd. ANYWAYS now its nearly 2k so hopefully thatll make up for the wait nfdsbghdjsf. i have been Neglecting Zoey so now you have to read So Much about my beautiful elf wife mndsfbhjsfdk. not much else to say, ill edit this if i can think of anything important. Also Once Again gentle reminder tht i would seriously reccomend reading this on ao3 instead because tumblr formatting makes the spacing Whack but whatever man u do u,,,, you do u,,,,,, dshjgsfd ANYWAYS Hope u enjoy!!)

.

They had been walking for some time now. She had explained on the way out there that the path used to be much clearer, but too much overgrowth in the area had made reaching difficult. It was still possible, it just took extra time. In their case, it had taken a good half-hour at least. (It could have taken longer, but he wasn’t too good at keeping track of the time these days.)

As they approached he wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but now that they were there, he realized it wasn’t actually that different from what he’d imagined. His only experience in portals were the ones that lead to the nether- it somewhat shocked him to see that this portal wasn’t much different. It was about the same size and shape, though the material was different and it gave off an energy that was much less malevolent. Even then, its aura made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, and it wasn’t even activated.

“The portal leads to the Irene Dimension. That’s where we believe Aphmau, and all those that went with her, are trapped.” she continued.

He looked to her, silently asking permission if he could get a closer look, although she didn’t seem to notice. He took it as a yes. He approached the portal to get a closer look while she talked.

“I’ve been working for nearly a decade to find a way to open it again. Nothing has worked so far, but I’m getting close. I can feel it.”

“How so?”

She was somewhat thrown off by how direct his question is. “I- well- when I first started working on this… I didn’t really know what I was doing? I was just throwing things together, I didn’t understand any of it. And now… well, there’s a lot I still don’t understand, I won’t lie about that. Emmalyn was our resident Irene expert, but we lost her to the portal too. But I’ve also learned- I know what I’m doing now, I know the end goal. I just need to figure out how to get there.”

He nods, though his focus is still mostly devoted to the portal. He understands what she means now when she said there was a lot she didn’t understand- if he was in Zoey’s place he wouldn’t even know where to start. It takes him a solid minute to recognize that no, those “scratches” he spotted on the portal are words, and in some language he has no clue of recognizing. He shakes his head. He would love to help out, of course he would, but he isn’t cut out for this.

“Well, you’re the barrier magicks user. If anyone could do it, it’s you.”

She sighs and nods. “I suppose so. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Of course it’s a good thing. The town just needs to have faith in you.”

“It’s been ten years. There’s not much faith left to go around.”

“Well, what about you? Do you think you can do it? Bring them home?”

She pauses for a second, but nods. “Yes. I do.”

“Then that’s good enough for me. That settles it.”

She gives him a look and tilts her head, confused. “Settles what, exactly?”

“I think I’d like to stay here. In Phoenix Drop. At least until everyone returns.”

“Oh!” She smiles, but took another moment to process and “Oh.” Her face drops. “I- I mean that’s great, I’m glad you’d like to stay, but- this could take years. Decades. Centuries, even. You could be long dead by the time everyone is back here.”

“That’s fine. It’s worth the wait.”

She was startled by his ease in acceptance. “That’s- I mean- you could-“ she takes a breath to calm herself. “Alright. Welcome to Phoenix Drop, Mr. Zvahl.”

~~~

She had agreed to take him out to the portal if he would do some work for her in return. Nothing too strenuous, she wasn’t cruel, but it was nice to have help every once in a while.

For as good as he was in navigating the forest, he knew next to nothing about the plant life within it. Or plant life in general. She spent a solid ten minutes explaining to him what they were looking for, “Four leaves, notched edges, somewhat pointy at the ends. You’ll know you have the right plant if the base of the leaf is much thicker than the edges.” His understanding seemed to be shaky at best, but he didn’t want to waste more time when they were supposed to be gathering. And so he wandered north, she went a bit south, and hoped that he had at least a basic understanding of what they were looking for.

She hadn’t found too many- but she figured as much. It took some time to get to the better spots where the plant often grew in, which they had instead spent observing the portal (as if she didn’t spend enough time on that blasted thing already). So she paid it no mind when he was late meeting back up by a couple minutes. And then ten went past. Then fifteen. It was just enough time to make her start to worry when she’d spotted him returning. That was another odd thing about him, sometimes he was easier to spot with your eyes than to notice with your ears. He was oddly quiet, inhumanly stealthy. She’d wanted to say he was just good at that sort of thing, but what kind of person can disappear in a forest but can’t tell an acorn from a rock? Either he was oddly talented, or there was something even odder going on here, and it bugged her a bit too much.

Her mind was taken off the question when he’d stopped in front of her and she got a good look at him. She understood now why he was late- he seemed uncomfortable, and kept shifting the rather large pile of plants he gathered around. It was a bit hard to tell with the gloves he wore, but she swore she could see splotches of red creeping up his arms.

“Is this stuff we’re gathering… supposed to be itchy?”

And just like that, her suspicions were confirmed. “Well- yes, that is normal for that plant. But it’s also not the plant I told you to gather.”

“It’s not?” He said, looking down at the bundles of leaves in his arms.

“No, it isn’t. I sent you to gather lushsprout. The plants you’re holding look like poison ivy.”

A blank expression slowly grew on his face as he stared through the plant he’d gathered and into the middle distance. A look Zoey could only describe as regret took hold, and he dropped everything he had spent so long gathering as the name finally registered in his brain.

“One moment.” he said and rushed off in the direction of what Zoey could only assume was the nearest water source, a desperate attempt to wash off the red splotches that had already begun to form on his skin. Zoey couldn’t help but snort- it was the most emoted she had seen him ever, and yet it was all so comical.

Well, there was nothing comical about poison ivy, she supposed. It was mildly annoying at best, and painful at worst- but judging by his seeming unawareness she figured he would be alright this time. It would certainly make a good story for later, at least. They had done enough herb gathering for the day.

~~~

They made their way back to Phoenix Drop, recuperating at Aphmau’s house. He washed his hands and arms once again, as well as his gloves in order to make sure they were completely poison-ivy-free. (He’d gathered too much to be completely unscathed, but it was something he could deal with.) Zoey made him tea once again, and Vylad didn’t have the heart to turn her down. Of all the citizens of Phoenix Drop, he’d grown to like her and Dante the most.

She was kind and thoughtful, and understanding of his quiet demeanor. Where Dante often barged in and forced conversation, Zoey understood the importance of silence. They hadn’t physically talked much, though he discovered that he’d somewhat enjoyed just hanging out around her, helping her gather herbs, looking at her miniature garden, whatever trivial way they decided to pass the time. She was certainly more suspicious of him than Dante was (so perhaps she was smarter too), but Vylad figured it was justified and tried to not let it bother him much.

In a strange turn of events, he ended up the one to break the silence.

~~~

“...Just how often does Kawaii~Chan bake?”

“Well, she’s been doing it less often lately, since she’s got a child to look after now, but…”

“So not too often, then?”

She could’ve sworn he sounded almost disappointed. “Gods no, Kawaii~Chan is an unstoppable force when it comes to cooking. The day there is a force strong enough to prevent her is probably the day the world ends.”

She chuckled a bit at her own joke, Zvahl never laughed (or reacted much to anything at all, she’d noticed), so she did for both of them. Maybe it was a bit conceited, but in her eyes it let them both enjoy it, even if he was reluctant to show such feelings. “Why, were you hoping to get some of her sweets yourself?”

“Uh-”

“Have you ever even had her cooking? It’s very good, I’m just not sure why you’d be so interested…”

“Yes, I did. At that breakfast, about a week ago.”

“You’ve been craving her cooking for a week? ”

“Well-”

Any form of excuse was interrupted by more of her laughter, this time it was entirely for herself. Was he so reserved that it had taken him a week to ask about something as trivial as baking? She glanced over him once again to make sure she wasn’t missing anything- only finding what she decided was a hint of embarrassment. He opened his mouth to speak, and she nearly found herself laughing again when he closed it and glanced away.

She stifled her laughter to save him from any more embarrassment, and gave him a knowing wink. “Don’t worry, I’ll put in a good word with her for you if you want. She loves to bake after all- I’m sure she’d be happy to make you something.”

It was muffled by the scarf which most of his face had retreated into, but through the cloth she swore she heard him give a mumbled, “... Thank you...”

Perhaps she was wrong. He had plenty of emotion. Zoey would just need to learn where to look.

~~~

[thedornishprincess]

g2k me uncomfortably well

I was tagged by @eatmyshiftsticky thanks sweetie !! :) I’m sorry to answer to this so late but this week at wasn’t home and I couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry to also be less active here but never forget I love you all and I miss you !!! 

1. What is your middle name?

I don’t have any middle name. Just a first name :) Anthea

2. How old are you?

18

3. When is your birthday?

30th May 

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Gemini !

5. What is your favourite colour?

Black, Purple & Red

6. What’s your lucky number?

Uhm well... 7 

7. Do you have any pets?

Not anymore... my cat died a month ago. But my neighbor’s dog really love me and I considere him as my own dog :)

8. Where are you from?

France 

9. How tall are you?

5′5

10. What shoe size are you?

8 US

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Hard question !! I think... 10 

12. What was your last dream about?

I can’t really remember but It was something really weird and at the same time awful. It was actually a fucking nightmare

13. What talents do you have?

I can do some twirl with my drumsticks, I dance pretty well and I think that’s all ! LOL

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I don’t think so 

15. Favourite song?

Dammmmmm !!! I can’t choose !!! It’s so hard !! Who are you, the devil ??! LOL ok so.... Don’t you ever leave me Hanoi Rocks 

16. Favourite movie?

The Lord of the Ring and Forrest Gump

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

A fucking rockstar ! LOL A man open-minded, who loves music, films and he’s really clever, cultured with whom I would speak about philosophy, history and litterature. A man who has long hair would be perfect by the way !

18. Do you want children?

Yeah why not ! But not now 

19. Do you want a church wedding?

In France, you can marry only in a church or in a city hall so... I don’t know now 

20. Are you religious?

No 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes like a lot of people I suppose and many many times 

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

nope, I don’t plan on i

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Ok... I met a lot of celebrities, some are really famous and some not. This is a short list of celebrities I met : Richard Madden, Pilou Asbaek, Natalie Emmanuel, Eugene Simon, Joe Dempsie, Alfie Allen, Daniel Portman, Gemma Wheelan, Vladimir ‘Furdo’ Furdik, Isaac Hempstead-Wight, Iwan Rheon, Jerome Flynn, Iain Glenn, Jack Gleeson, Jacob Anderson and Duff Mckagan :) ( I met other celebrities but you may not know the name ) 

24. Baths or showers?

both

25. What color socks are you wearing?

white

26. Have you ever been famous?

Not sure ahhaha I’ve been interviewed few times but that’s all

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

I would ! maybe as an author or actress

28. What type of music do you like?

Rock ‘n Roll, Punk, hard rock, pop, soul funk...

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

I have never.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Only two but I’ve got 5 more pillows on my bed 

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

i’m either on my right or my left side in the same position of a baby 

32. How big is your house?

It’s a single-story but enough big for 4 persons

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Orange juice with cake for eating ( in french the brand is ‘’ Bellevita ‘’ )

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

No I only did rifle shooting 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

I’ve only really ever done archery during summer camp and it was a long time ago !

36. Favourite clean word?

Ok in French it’s ‘’ magnifique ‘’ 

37. Favorite swear word ?

In French again it’s ‘’ Va te faire foutre ! ‘’ 

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

One day only 

39. Do you have any scars?

Yeah one in the back of my arm because I felt a year ago when I was doing fencing 

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

No... 

41. Are you a good liar?

Indeed I am. But I don’t like to lie.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I’d like to think I’m good at reading people

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

British accent, german and spanish just for fun

44. Do you have a strong accent?

No in French and when I speak in English I try to have no French accent at all. My english teacher said that my english accent was a mix of an american, british and scottish accent. I can’t imagine it but why not LOL

45. What is your favourite accent?

British !!!!!

46. What is your personality type?

Crazy, shy, a bit lunatic and open-minded 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I don’t really have exepensive piece of clothing... maybe the most expensive is about 90 euros 

48. Can you curl your tongue?

nope

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie.

50. Left or right-handed?

right-handed

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Fuck yeah

52. Favourite food?

Pizza 

53. Favourite foreign food?

Chili !

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I hate mess ! I’m fucking clean person 

55. Most used phrase?

Even in French I speak in english and I say ‘’ anyway ‘’. In French I say always ‘’ genre ‘’ 

56. Most used word?

‘‘ Fuck ‘‘ 

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

An hour bc I stay around 20 minutes in my bed 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

No, I don’t.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck them

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the fucking time ! I’m asking questions to myself, talk in English to myself and having a conversation with myself. Yeah I’m crazy and so ? 

61. Do you sing to yourself?

bitch yes, all the fucking time !!

62. Are you a good singer?

I like to think that I’m okay ( but that’s not true )

63. Biggest Fear?

Being Deaf 

64. Are you a gossip?

Not really 

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Forrest Gump !

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I don’t mind either way but long hair....dammmmmmm !! That’s my weakness

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

You’re funny girl ! Not at all ! 

68. Favourite school subject?

History

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nope

71. What makes you nervous?

A lot of things 

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Nope... sometime yeah but I’m gonna say no bc most of the time I’m not

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends what kind of mistakes we’re taking here.

74. Are you ticklish?

yes, and I fucken hate it.

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

I don’t think I ever have

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

No LOL maybe few times but I can’t remember 

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah maybe a glass but just one 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

No

79. Who was your first real crush?

I’ve never really had a crush on a real person... but when I was a kind I had a crush on Aladdin from tht disney movie 

80. How many piercings do you have?

Just my ears but I want more .

81. Can you roll your R’s?

a little, but only for like two seconds.

82. How fast can you type?

As fast as I can lol

83. How fast can you run?

... i hate running 

84. What colour is your hair?

black, dark brown

85. What color is your eyes?

green and brown 

86. What are you allergic to?

mushrooms and some medicine 

87. Do you keep a journal?

No just a book where I write my ideas for my story I’m currently writting 

88. What do your parents do?

My mother works in a hospital and my father is an electrician 

89. Do you like your age?

Yeah...

90. What makes you angry?

A lot of things, but I’ve learnt to control it ( not always...) 

91. Do you like your own name?

I love it !

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I have. Boy names : Peter, Michael, James. Girl names : Arwen, Diana, Alice 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I don’t have any preference 

94. What are you strengths?

I don’t know ahahah

95. What are your weaknesses?

I can be very touchy

96. How did you get your name?

Long story !!!!! But my name came from a french metal band and so now I’m the mascotte of the band. ( send me a dm for more details ahah ) 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Nope 

98. Do you have any scars?

I’ve seen this question somewhere else... 

99. Colour of your bedspread?

White 

100. Colour of your room?

Grey, purple and white 

I’m not going to tag someone bc I’ve got to sleep right now or tomorrow I’m gonna look like a shit LOL 

Love you all !!! XXX 

[tomatada-witch]

Awwn thank you for ur kind words.. Jux thinking about it nrly makes me cry. I have been mentally exhausted these days jux thinking of the future esp my exam bc I started preparing for my igcse late so I was worried if I will even pass with good grades. And also bc I promised myself to try my hardest to make my dad proud bc I felt so much regret for not being good enough of a daughter for him when he was still alive. And I still can't recover my grief and it stresses me.. Everything jux scares and worries me at this point, bc I don't know wht will come next.. But at the same time I want to do my best bc I was taught tht way by my mother.. So it's like if I don't do well enough in education, I won't be enough.. I m sorry if I m sharing too much here. I jux.. Needed someone to talk to if thts alright.. I don't even knw if I can answer my exam with all these stress and traumas in my life. But at the same time, I don't want to break my own promise.. I feel so trapped inside tht it makes me wanna cry.. Like nothing is going well in my life rn. Nothing in love life, family isn't getting better, my mental health is getting worse and now I m even questioning my own sexuality bc of all the traumas I went thru and now I jux feel like I m disappointing everyone but mainly myself. I don't even knw wht more will come my way.. I m too tired. -S

You don’t have to thank me at all! Like I always say in my posts or replies, I am here to help people out, no matter who they are. Also if you want to take this to the chat I don’t know how safe you feel if you expose what you are feeling, though when anonymous no one can know who you are but I am just worried if you want to keep talking like this I won’t mind at all. I just want you to be fine.

I hope this doesn’t come out in a wrong tone, but I don’t think it was or is up to you to decide if you were a good daughter or not, No matter what your dad loved you and he still does up there. I think what might break him is seeing you this stressed. It’s normal for you to not recover, it takes time...and if this was recent like you said it will take time, time cures all...just know he is proud of you and he will always be with you in your heart, in your memory...You are not alone.

It’s normal to be scared and worried especially with the world like this and..what happened to you, But you aren’t alone, this world was to pass through alone, I know I am just a random reader here but I am here to help you and to hear you whenever you need

This is something I am also working with, but the school doesn’t evaluate your self-worth, or how good you are, especially when evaluated everyone with the same rules. Everyone is different. You aren’t any grade’s number, you are a person with so many skills and talents, and I hope you can see that one day!

About your sexuality, I know what you mean, I passed through that, I am bisexual- honestly I don’t even know if I am even bisexual, I use this term because I am better indentificate with it, but I think I am not- but honestly, don’t rush in putting yourself in a label, just be you, love who you love and everything will turn out fine. With this part, I know and understand what you are feeling through...I think most of the part. I think one thing you know, you don’t owe anything to anyone, probably your parents, yes but what you own is something you aren’t seeing, is your happiness, they want you to be happy. And don’t worry, whatever life throws at you, I am here for you, to help you out with whatever you want. I know the feeling of being too tired and I don’t want anyone to go past that. So please talk with somebody you trust or even with me, you aren’t being a burden or annoying me I just want to make myself clear on those two, ok?

[thedistrictsleepsalonetonight]

I’ve been falling for a long time now Chapter 2

MEETING #3 – AN UNPLANNED DINNER TOGETHER

The third important meeting that Kara remembers is entirely her fault.

It comes after a few more times. Kara, who has been assigned the job of writing a juicy article on L-Corp has to talk to Lena Luthor to ask her questions on her beloved company, and after a few inquiries, conversation invariably turns to their private lives, and before she knows it, she and Lena have become......friends. A lot of evenings see her at Lena’s office, curled up on her couch with Chinese take-out and wine, talking late into the night about literally everything under the sun. It alarms her how well a friend Lena’s managed to become in such a short amount of time.

What alarms her more is how distinctly not-just-friendly her thoughts on said friend are sometimes.

It’s just, something about Lena. It’s not just the way she looks, although her looks are.......Kara could write sonnets about her, her delicate yet strong features, the cut of her jaw, her green, green eyes (She has, actually. It is embarrassing.). Her mind is the most attractive part of her. It works lightning fast, and she has an entirely different way of looking at the world that makes Kara stop and reconsider. And Lena makes her laugh. All the damn time. Well, except for their last meeting, a week ago.

Kara thinks about it as she floats high above Luthor towers, eating potstickers out of the take-out container. About their last meeting, when Lena had proudly shown her the newest creation worked out by her employees – the alien detector. She had no idea how she’d managed to not erupt into a furious outburst right then and there (Not that it would have worked. Lena was annoyingly stubborn when it came to decisions she had made herself). They had sort of argued over it, and now Kara was giving her the cold shoulder. She was here to find out more about the alien-detector, and whether there were more models of it lying around.

That was the official story, anyways. The actual one was that she missed Lena. Missed her razor-sharp wit, her jumping from topic to topic during their conversations, her laugh.....Stupid human, she thinks, stupid stubborn human, who doesn’t know anything, while digging into her container for more.

After a while of more digging, she frowns. That’s weird, she wonders, I could have sworn there was some more left......

It takes her five seconds to understand, and then she’s swooping down as fast as she can. Mid-flight, she curses herself for being such an idiot. For being such a sentimental idiot, that, to have an optimal position for hearing Lena’s voice clearly, she’d positioned herself right bove her office, which is why the potsticker must be falling on her balcony. She watches in alarm, as the potsticker moves closer and closer yet to Lena, who had unfortunately come out to the balcony, presumably for some fresh air........closer, and closer, and........she makes a mad grab for it, beats gravity, and plucks it out of the air, just a few nano-moments before it would have splattered sauce all over a very expensive suit. She doesn’t get lot of time to celebrate her save, because Lena’s voice rings out from where she is standing looking out over the city, all without having turned around “Supergirl.”

“Oh, come on,” Kara whines out “After all this trouble?”

Your shadow is visible,” Lena tells her as she turns around to face her, highly amused “That was what gave you away.” She pauses, then frowns “What are you doing here, by the way?”

“Checking on the alien detector devices you are planning on releasing,” Kara replies, landing on the balcony.

“How do you know about that?”

Kara pauses. It’s not as if she can say “You showed it to me”. She straightens up, authoritatively “I have my sources.”

Lena looks sheepish, then, as though realizing that this is an alien she is talking to about her alien-detecting device “I suppose you’re not to happy with me either.”

“Either?” Kara asks her, voice deliberately casual.

“Kara wasn’t pleased about this,” she admits.

“Kara? Who’s that?”

Lena gives her a long, measured look “A friend.”

Kara waves her hand, privately having fun playacting “Well, whoever it is, she’s right.”

“Well, you would think so.”

“That’s not why.......well, obviously it sort of is, but that is not the main reason I am so against it. It’s just plain discrimination, like......say, the Yellow Star Jews had to wear back in Nazi Germany....”

“Are you comparing me to Hitler?” Lena sounds incredulous, which.....okay, calling her Hitler was taking things too far, but Kara gets incoherent when passionate about the topic at hand “People have a right to know if they are at harm, if their lives might be at risk by being in contact with these dangerous aliens.....”

“I am one of these dangerous aliens”, she states flatly “And I saved your life a month ago.”

Lena falters a little, but tries to cover it up quickly “You are the exception.”

She raises an eyebrow “Am I? Are you saying that you’re not scared of me? That you trust me to not harm you?”

“I am, and I do” Lena replies, without hesitation, and it throws Kara off balance for a moment, because she obviously means it, and she has no idea why.

Before either of them can say anything anything else, there is a knock on the closed door of the office. Lena groans.

“Fuck, can’t I get one moment in peace from everything? I swear, they’re always there asking me questions or asking me to sign some papers, or expecting me to make instant decisions. It’s like I have no life outside of L-Corp.”

Kara looks at her, and make a split-second decision “You said you trust me? Do you stand by that?”

Lena squints at her “Yes”.

She smiles, steps forward, and looks questioningly at a stunned Lena, who nods without thinking about it “Hold on to me, then.”

Then she takes an extremely surprised Lena Luthor in her arms, and flies off into the sky.

Lena smells nice. Her perfume isn’t all tht flashy, it’s subtle, and sort of fruity, but in an understated way, which suits her, and Kara finds herself inhaling deeply as she flies up towards the highest tower in the city, all the while enjoying the feel of the woman in her arms. It makes her feel guilty, but the way Lena clings to her drives all thought from her mind.

She finally lands on the deserted rooftop, and makes a gentle landing. Lena doesn’t step away instantly, instead remaining locked in position, her elbows on either side of Kara’s head.

“That could be counted as assault, you know?”

“If that was assault, then it was a very welcome one, okay? I saw the look on your face when there was that knock on your office door. You did not want to deal with them,” Kara retorts, confidently, even though there is a very huge part of her that still can’t believe she just did what she did.

Lena stares at her for a long time, and she tries not to squirm under the scrutiny. Finally she smiles, and now it’s Kara’s turn to stare as what seems to be the most beautiful face on the entire universe stretches into a wide grin. I’m screwed, she thinks, I’m completely, utterly screwed.

“Fair enough,” she says “But you owe me lunch. You just flew me away from a very delicious lasagna meal.”

Kara mentally smacks her forehead for being so forgetful, of course Lena, being the workaholic that she is, wouldn’t have eaten yet. Then something occurs to her, and she flies off again.

She comes back in five minutes, and has the satisfaction of seeing Lena’s eyes widen at the sight of the enormous two boxes of pizza she’s holding in her hands.

“Okay, I know that you’re a superhero, but this is ridiculous. How on earth did you manage pizza in five minutes?!”

“I am a woman of multiple talents,” she says, head held high in the air. Then she drops the smug facade she’s holding “Also, people really love Supergirl.”

It is one of the best afternoons of her life , that day, when she kidnaps Lena Luthor away fom her office, and has lunch with her. They eat, ad talk, and Kara looks at the gentle smiles Lena sends her way, and feels absolutely content, the most satisfied she has ever been. They even debate about the alien detector thingy, and Lena, a little grudgingly admits that she may have been a little discriminatory in her initial assessment of aliens.

When Kara finally drops her off at her office, it is already sundown. She sets them down gently onto the balcony, and waits for Lena to go. Like before, though, Lena stays in position, arms locked around Supergirl, looking up at her.

“Thank you, Supergirl” she says “For a wonderful lunch.”

Kara clears her throat nervously, trying to cover her awkwardness, and Lena finally takes a step back.

“I’ll.......see you around, I guess” Kara says, fumbling, more like her daily life personality than her larger-than-life superhero-self.

“I look forward to it,” Lena replies, and Kara can feel the warmth in her voice all the way down to her bones. She turns around, prepares to take flight, and is just about to jump, when there is a voice from behind her.

“Hey, Supergirl?”

She turns around, and is surprised to see Lena still standing there. Her mild surprise, however, gives way to absolute astonishment, though, when the woman, rushes forward, presses a quick kiss to her cheek, and blushing furiously, walks back into her office, leaving her standing there all by herself.

Kara holds a hand up to her cheek, marvelling at the still-there feel of Lena Luthor’s soft lips. Then she dazedly makes her way to the ledge and flies off into the dark.

If the citizens see a blue and red blur doing somersaults in the air and zooming around, they chalk it up to one of the alien eccentricities their beloved hero seems to suffer occasionally, and dismiss it.

“Must be something,” she picks up on an old woman, walking in the park “Supergirl must be happy today.”

“Defeated a super powerful alien,” a ten year old muses.

“Met her real family today,” a college student guesses.

“Maybe,” a guy sitting in a bar says, smirking “She got lucky tonight.”

High above the world, Supergirl thinks of green eyes, and a mischievous smile, and agrees wholeheartedly.

MEETING #4: WHO’S GONNA SAVE YOU TONIGHT?

When she is in battle, Kara likes to think of herself as a creature of logic.

Alex disagrees, of course. She thinks Kara is all instinct, all gut-feeling, and no tactics, but then Alex has always been the superior fighter. Kara knows that when it comes down to it, she is capable of applying both her brain and her gut in an evenly-matched fight. She knows how to deal with a criminal in a hostage situation, what to say, what not to say. She knows how to position herself in a fight so that she has the upper hand, where to hit so it hurts the most. Her alien brain works overtime, during a fight, keeping tabs on a lot of things at once, her enemy’s weaknesses and strengths, their skills and how they might weigh up against her own. When it comes to getting out of a tight spot, she is pretty much sorted.

And yet, now, as she stands trapped inside a Kryptonite cage, staring into Lena’s panicked eyes across the room, everything disappears.

The world is a blur, this warehouse they are in, the musty smell of cobwebs, the overwhelming nausea and exhaustion from the Kryptonite. All she can see is Lena. Lena, who is human. Lena, who has bruises on her arms, and dark circles under her eyes from her three days of captivity. Lena, who is scared, not for herself, but for Kara.

Don’t be scared, she wants to tell her. Don’t be scared, darling, I’ll be fine as long as you’re okay, as long as she doesn’t harm you, as long as she doesn’t touch you, I’ll be alright.

She finally tears her eyes away to drag them at the person who is the cause of this, for lack of a better word, shit storm they’re in the middle of. Lillian Luthor smirks at her, the dim lightbulb reflecting off her face, throwing half her features into shadows.

“The mighty Supergirl,” she announces to her audience of two “Brought to her knees by a human.”

“You haven’t defeated me, Lillian,” she replies, in defiance.

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about me”, she replies, airily, and Kara is confused for a minisecond. Then she gets it.

“Supergirl,” Lena speaks after a long time now, hands straining at the ropes that bind her to a chair “Don’t listen to her, please, don’t do anything she asks you to do…….”

Lillian strides over to her daughter, and slaps her across the face, so hard that the chair wobbles on its legs, and a tiny cry escapes out of Lena.

Kara would later tell J’onn and Alex that she doesn’t remember much of anything because of the Kryponite, but to be honest, she knows she will remember all of it forever. Every little detail. If not of what happened exactly, and in what order, she will definitely remember the way she felt. The actual details of how she gets out of the Kryptonite lined cage is a mystery, because all she knows is an overwhelming amount of rage flowing through her veins at that specific moment. All she knows, is pain. Pain she knows Lena is in, the Kryptonite doesn’t matter at that moment. She doesn’t remember fighting off Corben, who arrived as soon as she broke out, and neither does she recall the DEO finally bursting in, and rescuing them.

What she does remember is how she felt when Lena was within reach, finally. When she untied the knots on her wrists, hands trembling from blowing out all her powers on breaking out. When Lena slid into her arms as soon as she was free, and they had their arms around each other, breathing heavily, sobbing. The sheer relief, the utter profoundness of that moment.

“You,” Lena had sobbed into her shoulders “You’re safe.”

And she had just nodded, breathing in her hair, not trusting herself to say a word. The only thing that had been going through her mind had been that she would have killed for Lena. That, had Lena needed it, she would have died for her.

                                                                                                                     *******************

Meeting #5: Insomnia

When Kara cannot sleep, she flies.

She usually just takes off in her pajamas, wandering, floating around the city, idly tracking passing cars, sometimes listening to people talk in hushed whispers below her. She catches snippets of conversation, glimpses into the lives of normal people, people who don’t have the weight of an entire city resting on their shoulders. Sometimes she midnight snacks in mid-air, the ridiculousness of it all making her laugh.

Tonight, however, her first day out after regaining her powers back after the flareup, she does none of that. Still in her uniform, she sets out to fly, but it’s not aimless. The night is cool, and the world silent as she lands on the balcony outside Lena’s house.

“You’re awake,” she says, surprised. It’s midnight, and while Lena has a tendency of working late sometimes, it is a lot later than her usual bedtime.

Lena looks up at her from her vantage point “I was waiting for you.”

The honesty in the statement startles Kara, and from Lena’s expression, even her. That lasts only for a minute, though, and she regains her neutral expression back. Although it’s not totally neutral. Kara know Lena, and yet she doesn’t recognize this look in her eyes. It’s intense, like Lena is looking past her into what’s inside. If she is being completely honest, it scares her a little.

Lena stands up to look out over the city, her shoulders brushing Kara’s , a gentle, comforting feeling beside her. They stand in silence for a while, just watching the tiny lights. Lena is the one who finally breaks it.

“You saved my life.”

“I did,” Kara replies, and there is silence again. She can feel the woman beside her struggle with something though, like she wants to say something but can’t find the right words. So she waits.

“Supergirl,” she starts again “What my mother did, I’m so sorry for that, I’m so, so….”

“Don’t be,” Kara tells her “What your mother does has nothing to do with you, and you are not to blame for that.”

“But I do feel guilty!” Lena says, her hands reflexively tightening on the bars of the railing “If it hadn’t been for me, you would never have been there, you wouldn’t have been trapped, and she wouldn’t,” her voice tapers off into a pained whisper “She wouldn’t have hurt you.”

Kara turns to look at her, and all of a sudden, she feels an ache in her bones, and she feels exhausted, like she has nothing left inside, anymore. The sound of the city is a distant blur now, and she feels lightheaded. Suddenly weary, she leans against the wall, tired in her craving for the woman in front of her.

“Lena,” she whispers “Can I hug you?”

When Lena moves into her arms, she aches again, but it’s for a different reason. Now she seems to have her here, she doesn’t want to let go. She never wants to let go. She wants to keep her safe forever, standing in her arms under a starlit sky, to protect her, and to make her happy. Lena, she thinks. Lena, Lena, Lena, Lena, her mind repeats this miracle of a name in her head. I love you, she thinks, and it doesn’t even surprise her anymore.

Lena’s grip on her tightens, as she lets out a shaky breath “Supergirl….”

“Kara,” she hears herself say “Call me Kara.”

When Lena moves to look at her, Kara sees no surprise in her eyes.

“Kara”, she says again, and that look is in there again, the intense look. Kara wants to ask her what it means, but she is too tired for questions and answers. So she just raises an eyebrow, waits for Lena to speak.

“I like saying your name,” Lena tells her, like she is making a scientific observation.

“I like hearing you say it,” Kara tells her back, and Lena blushes. Then she hesitates for a moment, and leans up, presses a tiny kiss to Kara’s forehead.

Flying feels pretty good tonight, she thinks, and her world is at peace

[sonnet009]

Anonymous said:

hey sonnet! great job w ran's route, he was really cute. I had a q, who're the most jealous of the djinns? How do they behave when they're jealous?

I can’t really answer this properly without spoiling some things in future routes. I will say, however, that Amir and Jamal are most likely to be openly jealous, whereas Ran, Bahadur, and Royo would be more inclined to keep it to themselves.

Anonymous said:

Hey ! ✨ (sorry if you already answered this question) what are those marks on Ran's body ? I love your games , thank you for existing 💛

Scars, from his “training”. (And, awww, thank you!)

Anonymous said:

Heyo! Love Aloners and Wilder! I also really like the music to both. I just had a question, could I have the track names to Wilder? I'm going to the website that you lead everybody to, but can't find them ^^; Thank you!

It’s a long list, so lemme just say that you can find the names of each track in the credits -- either in-game or as a .txt file in the game’s main directory. ^_^

Anonymous said:

May I ask if Amir route will be released after Bahadur's?

Yes, Amir will be next after Bahadur.

Anonymous said:

I had no idea that Wilder was out. I've left a comment on your blog before. I was probably babbling about how much I enjoyed Aloners.. but I've gone ahead and purchased it! The demo was incredible and I'm looking forward to the full gameplay now. :) Thank you for sharing your talents with us. All the best to you ~s

Thank you, anon! I hope you enjoy Ran’s Story. ^_^

(Spoiler-y asks below...)

Anonymous said:

First, I love your work and I'm quite excited for Bahadur. I literally check every day if it's up! I had one quick question that has been bugging me. When MC is in the woods and Ran finds out she's been hit what goes on in his mind? There is a moment where she notices he looks away which I generally get the sense of but I've always been intrigued to know what is he thinking? Is it like a "my people have changed" or what?

When Ran sees that MC has been hit, it’s a sort of a moment of realisation for him -- he may have felt that she was a burden, and been happy to abandon her without a second thought, but in that moment it upsets him that someone hurt her. And that’s because he knows, no matter his contempt, she is just a lost young girl who couldn’t have deserved that kind of violence. 

I think, until that point, Ran had a very “it doesn’t matter to me what happens to her” kind of feeling. But when faced with the reality of what actually happened and what was going to happen to her, Ran discovered that he does have a sense of responsibility for MC -- at least enough to stick around and keep an eye on things that night.

Anonymous said:

hey sonnet! i just played ran's route, and I LOVED it. Seriously, it was cute. Except for the parts tht made me ridiculously sad. The only thing tht bothered me a little was how hasty the end felt. Ran tells you he's a monster and you can never be together but then seeks you out of his own accord? It just bothered me tht we didn't get any sort of insight into his mindset @ tht point and I was hoping you could elaborate maybe! wht's he thinking then?

Ran’s epilogue (coming with the full version of Wilder) should help clear up many of this thoughts and feelings in that moment, plus give a look into what happened after that...

Anonymous said:

all through ran's route, i really wanted him to taste smth sweet for some reason! like a really good pastry or smth like that, since i feel like he might never have had that and i wanted MC to see his reaction.

Aw, that’s cute! I think his first master might have treated him from time to time. But, yeah, it’s probably been a looooong time since he tasted anything good and sweet.

Anonymous said:

does ran's ending change based on whether or not you tell him you love him? i can never make the mean choice so i haven't played to find out ;_________;

There are two endings, decided by the big choices you make -- one per chapter (the ones with the black screen and heartbeat). If you don’t tell Ran you love him, it pushes you further towards the “Bitter” ending, but it isn’t enough on its own to guarantee that you’ll get it.

[busaned-blog]

dude your tags on tht post abt hobi+jin not having any lines (+ the discrepancy in ppl's reaction to those awful distributions) is WHEW coldblooded but accurate. ive also seen it happen, ppl leaving bc they can't GET WORK in their own group, and beyond hating awful distributions for wht they are, theyre bad for group longevity esp w/jin whos getting his college degree, who i cld see walking away frm bts w/work+network options even outside of ent. industry. like, bight cherish wht u got rn, dang

Hello anon, thank you so much for your message! It’s nice to know some people actually read my tags I guess haha. I’m not gonna lie, at first when I read your message I was thinking of not replying… simply because we all know tumblr tags are messed up (especially on mobile) and I did not feel like people interpreting my response as hate towards Bangtan or to any of the members. But then I realized that for me in my heart I know my feelings about this whole situation are not based on hate towards either of those so I decided to respond anyways and I just hope that I will word everything correctly so that people reallize I am not a hater. It will be a long response, because as I said in my tags I have a lot of feelings about this, so I’m putting it under a read more :)

When I reblogged that post we’re talking about and put all those tags in, I was extremely angry. I can’t lie about that right now, because I was. Maybe it’s a petty response, but in a song that is 4 minutes and 34 seconds long you just cannot convince me there was no room for Hobi at all. That there was no room for him to get like four lines on his own or for Jin to have more than the two he did? Especially when some members take up like half the song? I just refuse to believe that I’m sorry… And especially to realize, if you look objectively, that the difference in ‘talent’, to put it as such, in Bangtan is not that big let’s be real. They are all extremely talented and no one is 1000 steps above the rest at all in my opinion.

I’ve been a fan since about July 2015, a little after the Dope era, so I have been around for four comebacks now (and a hell of a lot of other groups’ members leaving/groups disbanding) and I’ve said this before on twitter: I feel like the line distribution is getting worse in stead of better with Bangtan. Run was sort of okay for me, especially if you keep in mind the idea of main/lead vocals and sub-vocals, but after that it just got worse and worse imo. And apparently, judging by the response to Hobi having no lines in Spring Day and Jin having barely any solo lines in BST, people really don’t give a shit and want to disguise it under the ‘I love ot7 so let me reblog some posts complaining about the awful line distribution and be done with it’.

The outrage on my dash with the Hobi situation was pitiful, because (and maybe I follow the wrong people who knows) the only ones actually being mad were Hobi stans and some Jin/ot7 stans. The outrage for Jin was basically non existent and it still pisses me off till this day. And the biggest discourse was that people needed to just basically shut up and support Bangtan because otherwise, and wow guilt tripping much?, they would hurt Hobi in the process too. And I get that we all have our favorites, we all have our ranking of the members whatever, but how can you look at this situation and just not realize how damaging it could be in the long run? How damaging it could be for ot7. You don’t have to love and cry and yell about Hobi and Jin as much as you do your bias, but to stay mostly silent cause it doesn’t concern your fave? I just can’t relate…

I’m a Jimin stan, but that means to me I am realistic enough to realize I have nothing to worry about with him. That he will get his lines and his screentime and the attention from his fans. So why should I be blind towards the mistreatment of some of the others? Because I’m settled? Because Jimin is my bias so I have no worries? And I’m not trying to say people who don’t stan Hobi or Jin feel like this, but this is really how it comes across to me. And then everyone, and this annoys me the most, wants to hide behind one of two defenses, a) Bangtan love each other more than anything and they want to stay together forever so awul line distribution won’t break them up and b) Bangtan have a lot of creative control so they probably decided this was best for the song…

Which is funny, because in the same breath they want to oppose haters, which they should don’t get me wrong, by saying ‘don’t hate on *insert their bias here* because it’s not their fault, Big Hit makes the decisions not them’. Excuse me? But that is not how this works. You can’t want to claim they have full creative control and make the decisions themselves and then turn around and say it’s actually Big Hit. It’s either they make the decisions themselves and they are basically assholes for ignoring Hobi, and more specifically Jin in like every song, or they are all subjected to what Big Hit wants.

But to come to the actual point: whether people want to close their eyes to this situation or not, in the end this could be damaging for Bangtan. Do you really think Minzy from 2ne1 didn’t love her group and her members? Do you really believe that guy from Teen Top that wants to leave doesn’t love his group and his members? Do you really believe that someone like Minzy, to take her as an example, who was in one of the biggest girl groups in kpop, just casually decided to leave? Do you not think that she didn’t realize that if she left she will probably never have the income she had with 2ne1 again or that she most likely will never ever be as popular as she was when in the group? Yet she freaking decided to leave anyways, because as you said she got no work! And ofcourse she wanted some, even if that meant not living the live she did with 2ne1, but it would be at least some sort of a life. And this happens to idols all the time, and then they, shocking I know, leave… Awful line distribution, and awful equal promotion, will be the death of any group no matter how much they love each other and the fans or how successful they are.

And I just wish as a fandom we could collectively come together on these subjects a bit more. You don’t have to be a Hobi or Jin stan to be critical of Bangtan’s efforts and in this case their line distribution. And there is also nothing wrong with being a critical fan and trying to let them and Big Hit know that no fan is going to leave if they make everything a little bit more fair. I just don’t want it to come to Bangtan’s contract renewals in a few years and having one or two of them even contemplating leaving. As you said, Jin is graduating soon and many people in the industry have already said that he is a lovely person, easy to work with, funny, clever, hard working and on top of that a lot more multi-talented then people want to give him credit for. You really believe he has no chance of a career outside of Bangtan?

Let me say something positive though for once. If we move beyond the line distribution and take a look at the promo, Big Hit gives me a little bit of hope. 2016 has been a rather good year for all of them in my opinion. Yoongi had his mixtape, Jin had Law of the Jungle and some other variety shows, Tae had his acting, the Taejin OST (where they both proved even more that Bangtan’s line distribution is shit), some MC jobs for all of them on music shows, etc. I think that if you would write it down then their promotion seems to definitely be sort of equal, which gives me great hope that Big Hit will at least always try to promote them equally in that area. But it also seems to me they want them stuck in certain positions: Hobi being the dancer, Jin being the visual, Jungkook being the main vocalist etc. When they are so much more then that!

So what I’m trying to say is that I’m not trying to convince anyone that Hobi or Jin are going to want to leave over this whole thing, but please can we all for once as a fandom acknowledge Bangtan’s shortcomings and realize that if nothing changes (because this is not a one time thing with them), and if we don’t try to voice our concerns, it could come to a Minzy situation (or any other group member that has ever left their group due to disrespect basically). I just don’t want them in the future to break up or have some members leaving, and then have everyone cry their eyes out for a day when we could have done something about it now…

This became so much longer then I wanted to, and I probably didn’t even say everything I wanted to say, so I’m really sorry. And I mostly ranted about nothing you were talking about in your ask, but I needed to get this all of my chest. I always say this and I will say it again: I love Bangtan with all my heart, and I don’t plan on abandoning them anytime soon, but these comebacks just slowly become a little less enjoyable and I will keep hoping that next time will be better. That next time I won’t have to sit through the music video waiting for a glimpse of Hobi or Jin or anyone. I just want Bangtan to reach their full potential, because I really feel they haven’t yet, because I think they are 7 wonderful individuals who deserve nothing less.

[lycanrox]

4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 15, 17, 20, 21, 22, 23, 29, 32, 33, 34, 37, 56, 59, 60 (lol), 69, 74, 75, 85, 86, and 95!

4. What is your life goal?idk, to make my bfs happy and to live an average life w/o my disabilities holding me back5. Do you have any expieriences with a famous person?im related to the guy who made the sobg Monster Mash, i met the lead singer of rise against, i met the bassist for thousand foot krutch and i met the lead singer of fun. ! theyre allc ool dudes but that was in like 20106. Do you play any sports?i cant anymore bc of my disabilities but i used to be a runner and i swam a little7. What's your worst fear?i have a lot of fears but i dont know what the worst is.. its probably not veing able to take care of myself as an adult8. Who's your biggest inspiration?honestly,? not to be edgy or anything but nobody because i havetn really found anyone who i can look up to9. Do you have any cool talents?i can make my face look like it has foreskin bc of my double chin 15. What's the best dream you've had?umm!!! idk!! a lot of times good dreams make me sad bc they arent true :-( but probably any ones involving realistic situations w my bfs17. Do you have any pets?ya!! at my house i have a dog and his name is sparta, he is so fat and good. i have two cats at my dads house but theyre technically my dads gfs cats so :-/ BUT i lovr them still20. Are you considered popular?not really, im kinda infamous actually nobody likes me, not to be emo or anything21. What is one of your bad habits?destructive impulse decisions22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerablenot wearing my binder or having people (who arent oliver and shae) see me w/o pants on (those two bc theyve seen me pantsless more times than i can count)23. What would you name your children?idk im gonna replace "children" with "pets" bc its more realistic BUT... i wanna give them silly names like beans and meatloaf, i love funny names like that its so pure29. who does your main family consist ofdoes this mean like who i live with? if so then my mom n stepdad but if u mean like mentally... i dont have a cpnnection w anyone in my family bc of a lot of stuff BUT i love my half-sister more than anything, so just her ig32. Do you like rollercosters?yes but i hate lines 3-:33. Can you swim? yeah but it hurts... im gonna try to get back into it soon bc its actually good for ur joints, i just need to et used to it34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?if i was w someone id depend on them but if i was alone id accept my fate tbh, i cant take care of myself37. What's your favourite colour?wanna hear smth funny? its pastel pink. im so edgy and my blog is so dark n stuff but my favorite color is pink. pastel pink. i love it56. What's your favourite animal?i love all animals!! but i rly love otters ... that MIGHT be my fav animal but dont quote me on tht bc i love puppies59. Do you have good friends?yes! i love my friends theyre all so good!!!60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?what the fuck is an lgbt69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?theatre !!!!! idc if thats technically work it makes me happy!74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?when i went to TN to visit ollie back in november!!75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?my mom85. What motivates you to succeed?my bfs, i need to be here to support them86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?i dont remember my dreams often so i dont know... most of my dreams are psychological nightmares and i try to Repress them bc i hate thinking abt it.95. What would you do if you would be invisible?shit idfk!!! probably sneak onto a plane to go see oliver TBQH..

[shrubforhire]

Asks 1-99

i rly thought i was in the clear,,,

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? inevitable by orla gartland nine in the afternoon by panic! fake happy by paramore epic III from hadestown say my name from beetlejuice haunted house by sir babygirl

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? hayley williams

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. Tally ran toward the garden.

4: What do you think about most? going back to school

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? Good! Morning!

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? clothes on,,, my family dont b respectin boundaries how yall live like that

7: What’s your strangest talent? i can make my eyes shake

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) girls... are so pretty and wonderful and they could do whatever they want to me. boys.... can be p cool sometimes

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? yes!!!! my girlfriend wrote me a sonnet eeeeee

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? i......cant remember

11: Do you have any strange phobias? nah

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? probably

13: What’s your religion? jew by blood

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? going somewhere else

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind, i always look weird on camera

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? paramore

17: What was the last lie you told? i told my mom her fitbit isnt a worse model

18: Do you believe in karma? yea

19: What does your URL mean? i made it when i was finally mostly sure i was a lesbian but it kinda leaves some ambiguity. and now its just kinda like hey maybe lets not

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? im super insecure; im persistent

21: Who is your celebrity crush? stephanie scott

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? no

23: How do you vent your anger? pacing & long walks, doing something else

24: Do you have a collection of anything? i have hella pokemon dolls i used to collect

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like talking on the phone cause then im not thinking abt my appearance the whole time

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? almost

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? knife on a plate; hot metal going into liquid

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if they dont like me

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yea, and no

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. a pillow. my own leg

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? nothing lol, its just air

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? texas

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? east coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? uhhhhhh,,,,, i guess like a younger billie joe armstrong

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to be happy!

36: Define Art. something that makes you feel stuff!

37: Do you believe in luck? yea

38: What’s the weather like right now? sunny, but not deadly hot yet

39: What time is it? 10:43

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? yes, no i have not yet knock on wood babeyyy

41: What was the last book you read? boleslavsky lmao

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? YES

43: Do you have any nicknames? lil c, mini straub

44: What was the last film you saw? arthur

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? i tripped and my cheek got stabbed with the corner of a coffee table and i had to get stitches

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? musescore

48: What’s your sexual orientation? less bien

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? not rly lol, no ones rly cared enough to do tht

50: Do you believe in magic? a lil

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? yes, but after 4 years i give them a second chance

52: What is your astrological sign? taurusss

53: Do you save money or spend it? save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a subway sandwich

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? y e s hehehhhe

57: How many relationships have you had? techincally, 3. but the first 2 lasted for like 2 weeks so they really dont count. p much just this 1

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no :(

59: Where were you yesterday? at work lol

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a spray bottle

61: Are you wearing socks right now? no ;)

62: What’s your favourite animal? giraffe

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? god i wish i had one,,, usually just tryna not b annoying lol

64: Where is your best friend? at rehearsal

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. positivewlwvibes lesbian-bottom-memes meaningfulsuggestion okay-pie atomicanderson haha bitchessssss

66: What is your heritage? white people soup

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? watching danny gonzalez 

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? hellman

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no, i only clock out when I've worked my 9 hours. but noice q 69

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? yea,, i send memes and im a crackhead

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? this job is seasonal bitch,,,, save that mf pupper

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? i would tell my pals, i would spend all of my money doing dumb shit, and id be scared as fuck bitch!!

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. this is a weird fucking q. i guess trust bc its a form of love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? girls like girls

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 6071

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? communication, checking in w the other person, making sure everything is all good

77: How can I win your heart? playing a song,,,,, bonus points if u wrote it ohymogd

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes absolutely

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? moving away from home for college

80: What size shoes do you wear? 6 1/2

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? pepparoni and chaese

82: What is your favourite word? effervescent 

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. tubes

84: What is a saying you say a lot? we cant all be winners

85: What’s the last song you listened to? i got you by karmin

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? lavender and p much any pastels

87: What is your current desktop picture? the gravity falls floating stan balloon that says i eat kids

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? i’d say trump, but then we’d have pence and it would be worse. 

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? idk,, theres so much embarrassing shit you could ask me i rly cant narrow it down

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? say whats up bro

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? telekinesis

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? going to the beach w pals and riding bikes and looking at the ocean :’)

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? my dads existence rofl

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? hayley. mf. williams

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? maryland

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? not anymore!

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? nope

98: Ever been on a plane? yup

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? raid the ice concentration camps