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Full Cody Fern SXSW Talk Transcription

The first 15 minutes or so had originally been posted here but eakintata has done the absolute work and transcribed the whole interview! Make sure you give her some love because she deserves it. you can find her original copy here TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT

Shattering the Hollywood Mold: Bold and Unapologetic Monday, March 11, 2019 at the Australia House, SXSW

Jenny Cooney: So, there we go, that's the intro. So maybe you can, I mean -- did you really come from a town called Southern Cross? It's like the most perfect Australian, you know, ad. [laughs]

Cody Fern: I did, yeah. I was...

J: Is the mic working?

C: Is this on? I gotta hold it like so close… Yeah, I grew up in Southern Cross. What was the question?

J: You have a very -- you came from -- like, when we say small town, it was like not even a town, was it?

C: It was tiny. My parents still live there, or one of my parents still lives there. When I was growing up, it was just under 300 people. It's like a very farming, mining, high suicide rates, very Australian Outback. So like for those who know Perth, it's six hours inland from Perth.

[to someone in the audience] Hi!

[continuing] It's six hours inland from Perth by train, seven by car. So, it was tough. But I survived.

J: So how does a kid who grows up in a town that small in the middle of nowhere end up getting to L.A. I mean, where do you start? At what point when you were growing up did film or television or acting become something but you knew was a job and you wanted to do it?

C: I think I have to answer that in two parts. I mean, the first one is I knew that I wanted to act when I was five or six. I became very self-aware around five, and I think the realization for me was that everybody around me was always lying. And in a small country town gossiping is a real staple. So what would happen is, you know, my mother's friends, or whoever it happened to be, would be together, then someone would leave, then everybody would start gossiping. And I started to notice this in every circle in Southern Cross. It was its own kind of network, but nobody was telling the truth about how they were feeling.

And Australia is a very macho culture. They have a very kind of standard definition of what masculinity is, and in the country, that's kind of like masculinity on steroids. Which is so stupid. But I always found it to be really troubling and I remember, at five or six, having the awareness of, “Everybody is acting all the time.” I didn't know what it was, I couldn’t put words to it but everybody was playing a game, and that I saw the game really clearly, and nobody else seemed to.

And that was where I first kind of started to realize that this was something that I was interested in. But when I was 13, well leading up to 13, I would always watch really intense emotional films. But like, with the divas in them. I’m talking, like, Cher in Moonstruck, and Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice, and Betty Davis in All About Eve. And they used to have one movie -- we had three channels -- and they would have one movie which is the Movie of the Week, and every day at 12:00 p.m. the same movie would play. So you could watch All About Eve seven times in one week. And so I did. [laughter]

And that's really where it started to form, was with divas, strangely enough. And then when I was 13, I saw Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth, and that was the first time that I had real clear understanding that she was not the Queen, but it was so real. It was so visceral, and it made so much sense, and the whole world was complete. But I knew she was Australian, so she couldn't be this person, and that was when I started to realize, “Wait, this is something that you can actually do.” Because before then a Hollywood celebrity or an actor or a star was kind of like a -- it’s like a unicorn, you know. And they're born like that. And then all of a sudden they're like, doing movies and that was their destiny. And then your destiny is to work on farm. So that was when I really understood.

The second part of the question -- Jesus Christ that was a long answer. [laughter] The second part of the question, or the second answer, is about, “How does a young boy from Southern Cross get to Hollywood?” And I’ll need years of therapy to understand it. I mean, I'm still trying to figure it out. You know, obviously, there was an action plan… This bag has my face on it. [laughter] You should hold that up [laughs]. So hysterical. This is so strange to me.

[Jenny holds up the bag.] The whole talk, I’m trying to talk, and I’m staring at me. [laughter] So, how did I get on people’s bags?

So there was a chain of events that led up to it but, I... the true and honest answer, and I'm sure we'll talk about it more after this, but is that it's still something that I try to compute, between nature and nurture, and fate and destiny, and work ethic and opportunity, because I really don't believe in luck. And for me, I always understood that I was born into -- and I love my family very much. They’re very dear to me. But I had always understood that I was born into a situation, into a society, into even a country, at that point in time, that was very difficult to expand outwards. And that I was kind of doomed to a life that had been chosen for me, and I understood very early on that if I was going to break free of that, that I was going to have to work really really really really hard. And that meant working harder than anybody else, and being very honest with myself, and really embracing and accepting failure. And I failed a lot. I mean I didn't start acting until I was 24, so I've been acting for six years.

J: You auditioned for all of the drama schools and got rejected, right?

C: Four times. The fourth time I auditioned for WAAPA, so the Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts, the head of the academy at that time told me [there was a glitch here]. It was only recently that I have made a discovery -- and this is without any sense of ego or modesty -- it was only recently that I made the discovery, “Oh, that's why people…” Because, you know I had a hard childhood and a hard slog at boarding school. I was always very different. I was targeted by teachers. I was targeted by students. I was just targeted. It was just a very difficult world to be in. And because I was --

J: You mean, like, bullied?

C: Heavily, yeah. Verbally, physically, you know. And it was never -- it was hard, but I always knew, if I can just get through this, something is on the other side. And that all of this has to mean something. I’m a person who really searches for meaning in everything, and that that point in time, I knew that this has to mean something. It has to be for something. This can’t just be the end of it, you know? That this is what happens, and this is how I feel, and then I just go on. I knew that it had to really be for something, because the trauma that I was experiencing, particularly the bullying, was so intense that if I didn't have an outlet to use it, I would’ve self-destructed.

But now, in retrospect, where I am in my life, having just turned 30, I'm able to look back and really understand, “Oh, these people were really scared of me. They were really, really scared.” And that's what people do when they're afraid. You can’t be something that they’re not. You can't ask questions that they're not willing or ready to ask themselves. You can't say things that they don't believe in. You can't challenge conventions that they need to hold onto. And so at a certain point in time, you just have to get on with it, you know?

J: And you did.

C: And I did.

J: Did you find when you started acting, on the other side of the whole experience, it was also in some ways a form of escape from, you know, some of the difficult --

C: No. Acting was never an escape for me. Oh, well, maybe it was. I don't think it was ever an escape for me, as it was actually turning towards all of the feelings head-on, and having a place to explore them. Because one of the great things about acting is when you first begin -- and I teach a lot of workshops to specifically teenagers in rural areas who are never going to the ability to… Well, never say never. I’m here. I enjoy working with teenagers because they have such a depth of feeling that is so silenced by adults. It's frightening, I understand, especially at schools, for teachers and for adults to deal with the intense world of the teenager. But when you are spoken to as an equal, when somebody acknowledges your existence, and that you are not just the child of somebody who has to learn something, so that you can go out in the world and work and then retire, it's pretty great what comes out.

It's a way to explore, acting -- it began for me as a way to explore all of my feelings especially in a culture that didn't allow you to have them. That everything needed to be above board all the time. And I have always had an intense depth of feeling. It changes, of course, because if you’re just, you know, feeling things all the time, as an actor, it's not great acting. It's just emoting. So it becomes, you know, it becomes something else. But it began for me really as a way to actually not escape from, but confront myself.

J: So you ended up going from Perth to Sydney? First?

C: I joined a -- I was working for Ernst & Young at the time.

J: You were in accounting?

C: I was in accounting.

J: You got your degree in commerce, right?

C: I got my first degree in commerce. That’s so wanky, “I got my first degree in commerce.” But I did. I got my first degree in commerce, I majored in management and marketing, and I did my honors in strategic consumer behavior, which was all about, like, you know, “How can I sell this thing better if I manipulate people into buying it?” And and then I worked for Coca-Cola for a while, and Ernst & Young. And then I hit a certain point in my life where I realized that I hated myself. And I hated everything about my life, and I was essentially having a nervous breakdown. And that included understanding that I hated the people that I was hanging around with, I hated the music I was listening to, I hated the clothes that I was wearing, I hated the direction I was going, I hated everything. And the common denominator was me. So, I had to do something about it, and I had to do something about it rapidly.

Because there was the slow death which involves making a lot of money and being incredibly unhappy or there was falling headfirst into the abyss, and you know it's like, well, at least if I’m gonna die, I'm gonna die falling from 10,000 feet, you know, hitting pavement at 1,000 miles an hour. And that’s gonna be more pleasant. So as bleak as that sounds, that fall is a lot of fun. And I jumped. And I joined an experimental theater group, and walked out of Ernst & Young. Which was... tricky. It's another story for another time. I was a very troubled kid at that point in time. I had never had real friends, I'd never had anything stable besides my family. I was, you know, doing wild things and sleeping in parks some nights because I wasn’t able to go home, you know, out of my mind. It was just like I was losing myself.

And then I joined an experimental theater group, and an acting class, and that's where it began. And then that grew into professional theater, and that professional theater led me to Sydney where I was cast in War Horse. And, you know, what's interesting is that every single casting director in Australia, almost all directors in Australia, had always said you're not Australian enough to be in this production you can't do this because you're not Australian enough. You're too pretty, you’re too this, you’re too that, you’re too -- and I never felt that. It was always, you know, strange to me because people are always, I realized, throwing labels on to me. And I'm not a label, I’m not a category. I’m more like a verb, you know? [laughter]

J: I’m gonna borrow that one day.

C: I just think that I'm always changing, and that I'm always growing, and nobody knew where to put me, or what to do with me, so they just said that I couldn't do it. And then I worked with Ellen Burstyn in a master class -- take that NIDA -- and she was the first person really to say, “You,” -- she called me out in front of the entire master class, you know, there were 300 people and there were 18 people from around Australia who were working with her, 17 of, like, the most famous Australian actors, and me, who had lied my way into this workshop. And she said, in front of everybody, “You have real talent. You could really do this. But you’re gonna need to work really really really hard. So, who do you want to be?” And that's when I knew, you know. “OK, it’s going to be tough. But I can do this.” And still nobody would cast me in anything. [shrugs]

J: So the first time I met you is when you won the Heath Ledger scholarship, which was Australians in Film in L.A., which I’m part of, that gave you that award. But it didn’t open doors overnight for you. Can you talk a little bit about that time in your life? That was, though a definite step in the direction of people saying, “We see you, we know you have talent, it’s just a matter of time.”

C: It’s so important, it’s so important, you know. To be witnessed, to be acknowledged, is one of the first steps. It's only the first step. It doesn't, you know -- because you yourself need to get over the need for everybody else's validation. But when you have professional bodies or organizations, and something like the Heath Ledger scholarship… Again, you know, when I won the Heath Ledger scholarship, everybody was stunned. There was a sense of, you know, there are all of these, like home-and-away people. These Australian actors, and these -- and everybody was like, “Who the hell is this kid, that just won this?” You know? I mean, I won it off like, self-tapes. It wasn’t like I had some big CV.

J: The judging panel was pretty big, at the time.

C: Colin Farrell was one of them. That was fun. What a cool guy he is. So I was all of a sudden being acknowledged by all of these people, and this body that was saying, “You know what? We actually really believe you can do this.” It was the first step in that there were many to come, because then for the first three and a half years in Los Angeles, I could not get arrested. I was living -- I had the $10,000 that I was given from that, and you know, that included -- you have to move into a house, you have to have to have things to live on. I had a mattress on the floor, I had a couch, and I was very happy. And me and my roommate would buy everything that we owned from Bed Bath & Beyond then every month, it would be like, “What can go back? So that we can make the rent?” So we’d be returning the curtains, and we’d be returning the curtain rods. You know? Things like we’d return the couch covers, and the pillow inserts. You know, we were adding it up, and we were making rent.

And we were working. I was auditioning all the time, and again it was the same thing was coming up: “You’re too this, you’re too that, you’re too,” -- nobody knew where to place me. Everybody wanted me to play the boy next door, and I just didn't want to do it. I just refused to do it.

J: I never lived next door to anyone that looked like you. [laughter]

C: Oh, shucks! So I just -- so I played a game for a while, that everybody wanted me to play, which was, “You're going to be the next great action star.” How boring. “You’re, you know, that's what you're gonna be.” Ugh, so boring. So, but I did it. I wore really -- I'm sure when you met me I was wearing really plain clothes, I was really just like, “How's it going?” You know, I really wanted to just be OK. I just wanted to be liked. I just wanted to work. And it didn't work. It didn't work. And then I went through three and a half years of hell, but that was so much fun, because it really tested my mettle. It made, you know -- when you are living in survival mode in Los Angeles -- and I’d never been to Los Angeles. I got off the plane in Los Angeles and I was like, “No matter what happens. this has to work out, so I just have to bank on myself.” I had no friends, I knew nobody.

I slept on a girl's yoga mat for two weeks, and she would come home, and she would have like schizophrenic outbursts and… it was weird. And I was sleeping on a yoga mat for $900 a month, because I didn't know that that wasn't what you did in Los Angeles. And then at night we would put plays together -- it was really strange. It was very strange. But then it got more stable and it tested my mettle, like, “How badly do I really want this? And how hard am I willing to work for it?” And every single time I had a self-tape, every single time I had an audition, for me it was like the herculean effort of crafting a full performance. And no matter what they said to me I was going to do what I wanted to do and what I knew was right, I mean, obviously with notes and what-not. But what I mean was really working, really working. Because if this is my only opportunity, then I need to love what I'm doing, and that includes auditioning. Because if you're not gonna let me do this, I’m gonna be the one that gets to do this, and you can’t tell me no. Because I love this. So all I need is to audition; I don’t need you to give me the role.

And slowly things started to shift. It was between me and Dane DeHaan, and me and Dane DeHaan, and me and Miles Teller, and me and -- and they still couldn’t figure out, “Is he Miles Teller? Is he Dane DeHaan? Is he Logan Lerman?” And I was like -- they just couldn’t figure it out. And then finally, Ryan Murphy came along, and said, “I know who he is; he’s Cody Fern.” And just like that, the world changed, overnight. Because Ryan Murphy said, “You’re not anybody else other than who you are and I know that you can act. So, let’s get on with it.”

J: You had wanted -- you had thought that Ryan Murphy was the guy that would recognize that.

C: I knew he was the guy. I’d said to my agent --

J: You just had to get in the room with him at some point, right?

C: I’d said to my agents, “You need to introduce me to Ryan Murphy.” And they said, “That’s not how it works.” You know, I was like, “This Ryan guy is really onto something. Trust me.” This was years ago, you know, but I was like, “He’s really -- he’s got something going on.” And everyone was like, “Yeah, OK, Cody.” And you know, he was famous. Ryan was famous, but American Crime Story had not come out yet. So he had done Glee and he had done Nip/Tuck and he’d done -- but it was really when American Crime Story hit, the people went, “Whew, my god. Ryan Murphy is a genius, genius, genius.” And I was like, “Yeah, he's been around for years, guys. You didn't see this?”

But, you know, what's funny is that the process of that three and a half years of testing my mettle also became about workshopping for myself as an actor, and a human being, and growing and learning and bringing something to the table as an actor. Because I don’t see myself as an actor, I see myself as an artist. And that is not just, “I'm an artist and so therefore I finished my work.” It means that the work has just begun, and I need earn it, constantly, every day. You have to earn it. You can't just say it and then, like, that's it. And then somebody else, like, proclaims that you are that, and then it’s over and done with. It doesn't work like that for me. And it was a process of becoming more authentic, and the more authentic I became, leading up to the point where I auditioned for Ryan Murphy, all of the sudden it just -- doors started flying open. And now people ask me who I am. Now that -- now, you know, people are -- now that, like, I am the Genderfuck Rebel, which I... you know, OK.

J: Which was written on the cover of British CQ, which I wish I had a big copy of right now. Just came out. If you go on Cody's Instagram, you’ll see a copy of the cover.

C: Yeah, it’s really sexy. It’s really [goofy?]

J: There is a picture of him and it says Genderfuck Rebel, right?

C: Mm-hmm.

J: There you go.

C: And I don’t mind. Like, I now start to understand that, and I’m OK to accept that, that when you function outside of the realm of what people expect from you, it's rebellious. And I'm OK with that. I'm good with that. Because now I don't have to do what they want me to do. I get to do what I want to do.

J: Right. Well, I mean the name of this Game Changers panel is Shattering the Hollywood Mold: Bold and Unapologetic. Which, pretty much, if you look that up, would be a photo of you. So, talk a bit more about shattering the mold. I mean, Ryan saw you as you, and put you into some really unique roles. Were you still feeling that you didn't fit into a particular model? Did you not want to fit into a mold? Or is the mold, like, not fitting in?

C: No, you know, it’s interesting. It’s hard to talk about, because I've tried to figure it out so many times myself. I think in any one day, I -- you know, I've always struggled with my identity, in every single realm of my life. It's been hard to figure out who I am. And to figure out how I got to where I got to, and it's -- it's a mind game. And my mind is really, you know me, it's really like a struggle sometimes. But a fun struggle, at least. And I studied -- my second degree was in psychology and I really love the psyche, and, you know all of the intricacies of the psyche. The shadow and the ego and what makes up a human being. But for me, what I find fascinating about all of that is that every time I think I’ve figured myself out, it slips out of my fingers. And it can be that you're wearing different clothing, it can be that you’ve been a different person, it could be that your interest has changed, or one day you wake up and you just don't know who you are anymore. And that process of constantly finding myself, knowing who I am, and finding an expression for it, and then losing completely, has meant that I actually -- I can't stay with one thing for too long, and I have to go with my instinct at the time. So breaking the mold, for me, has really become about…

You know, what I did at the Golden Globes -- I knew we were going to talk about this at some point. What I did at the Golden Globes was not about… Because Vogue called. And said, you know, we want to do a piece on you, about your Golden Globes look, and we’ll talk about the Golden Globes look and blah, blah, blah. And I said, “Well, I don’t want to talk about it. Because I don’t want to have to explain it.” You know, I’d said what I had to say when I rocked up, wearing what I was wearing.

J: Which, if people didn’t see you, do you wanna describe?

C: Well, it was beautiful.

J: It was. It was a sheer black shirt, what was it, like a chiffon?

C: Maison Margiela, sheer with pants very similar to these, and Tabi boots. And makeup. And it was glamorous. And I wanted to do that because it’s so boring on the red carpet. you know it's like every guy comes wearing the same thing that his mother dressed him in for his year 12 formal. [laughter] And I just don’t get why we’re continuing to do it. Like, time after -- and then people are like, “Oh, we spent six months making this tuxedo.” Really? You could’ve got it off the rack at Target. [laughter]

So, I just didn’t understand. I also needed people to help me with that, you know, and I had a lot -- I have a lot of people in my life who really helped. And it just became about -- what’s beautiful? And what’s art? And that you yourself can become an art piece. And that you yourself can become -- I wanted to wear what I found stunning. Because it’s, you know -- I wanted to feel… beautiful is what I wanted to feel on that carpet. Because it was my first Golden Globes, and my whole life I’ve been told, you know, I was an ugly, terrifyingly stupid, dumb, untalented -- I mean, you name it, I’ve been called it. And it was a real statement to myself, I didn’t care about anybody else, that, “You’re here, Cody. You made it to this point. Wear what you wanna wear.”

J: And you wore it right up on that stage when Versace won the Golden Globe.

C: We won the Emmy. Or Golden Globe! Jesus Christ.

J: So, yes, there you were.

C: Beg your pardon.

J: It’s all right.

C: We won the Emmy as well.

J: You won the Emmy as well.

C: I wasn’t at the Emmys because I was working on Horror Story that night. That’s why I didn’t make that. But yeah, that was a real -- I remember being on stage the Golden Globes and just being like, “Breathe. Breathe.” It's like, “There’s Lady Gaga, there’s…” You know, it’s just like -- it was wild. And especially for a kid who was just like, “That's what I want to do.” I mean it's, I mean, no one in Southern Cross had ever been to university, to college. How do I figure out how that happened for me? How do I figure out how that, and the courage that it took to do that? And it’s like at some point in time I realize it's just about -- you’ve just gotta put your hands down in the mud, and get on with it. You've just gotta do what you feel is right, and... fuck ‘em. You know?

J: Yeah

C: You’ve got to get on with it.

J: So, I mean, talking about bold and unapologetic was exactly what you decided to do on the Golden Globes red carpet. So, I know you don’t want to get into the why and the whole Vogue thing.

C: No, I don’t mind with you.

J: But I did find the story you told me about the stylist who insisted that you shouldn't dress like that, that you should do the tux thing. That was someone you hired and then you had to…

C: Actually, that was an interesting one because two days before the Golden Globes, you know, I’m going through designers after designers after designers, and nobody knew who I was at that point in time, so nobody cared to dress me. So I really had to figure out what I wanted to wear, and I had given her a list of all the designers that I wanted and really what I wanted to do at the Globes, and that I wanted to make a statement about gender. And the statement that was being made about gender is however you want to take it. I'm not going to explain it to anyone because I think it's -- what I did was for other people to interpret. But I rock up to the thing and she's got like a Hugo Boss suit and, like, you know, another Hugo Boss suit. And then there are dresses and skirts, and I'm like, “OK, I get it, but what is this about?” And she's like, “Well, you wanna, like, mess around with gender.” And I was like, “No no no no no.” That's -- it's not edgy because you're wearing a skirt on the red carpet, that's not what I want to do. I wanna wear something that's objectively beautiful, that's really, because, in and of itself it's a beautiful piece.

And then I got a lot of backlash from people being like, “This is too risque, this is going to be received as offensive, this is going to be -- you should really do what everybody else does.” And I was like losing sleep over it, coming -- you know, we're supposed to be at the event on the Friday, and I didn't have anything to wear, and it's the Golden Globes, you know. It's like one of the year's biggest fashion events, as well as, you know, what it actually is honoring. So I did it all myself.

J: So you went shopping.

C: I went shopping. I bought the pieces with my own money. I paid for people to come and help me with my makeup and with my hair. Every element of it was my own thing.

J: And the afterwards, you were named one of the best dressed on the carpet by everybody.

C: I beat Lady Gaga.

J: So that must have felt, you know, like, pretty great.

C: Great. It felt great. It felt great.

J: You took -- you put yourself out there, again, and that people recognize you were being authentic. You know, that's where -- when your motives come from that place.

C: That's why I can say it felt great. Because it doesn't come from a place of ego or immodesty. It’s not like, “Oh, I’m this and I’m that, and I’m blah, blah, blah.” Ugh, you know, I don't care for that. But I also am like, “Now I am able to absorb some good,” you know. I used to be a very self-loathing, self-hating, self-chastising person. And now, I’m learning to -- when you see good, like, receive it. You know? Allow yourself to breathe it in. Because it's not all about being tortured, and I'm plenty tortured, so I can honestly say it felt good. It felt good, because it felt like -- I didn't need it, by the way. I thought that it was gonna go one of two ways. The next day, it was gonna be an absolutely joke in all of the trades, and I would be able to stand in the middle of all that and say, “I did what I did, and I know it was right.” Or it's going to go the other way. And it was strange. There were people on the carpet, and everybody was like, “Who is this guy? And who cares?” And then I hit that red carpet and there was an audible gasp from the wall of photographers. And Rami Malek had just walked the carpet, who was nominated, and all of a sudden everybody was screaming my name. And that's when I knew this was gonna be big.

J: And then Billy Porter took it one step further on the Oscar red carpet.

C: Billy Porter is the best human being alive today. I love Billy. We worked together on Horror Story, and Billy is a hero.

J: Yeah, he is. Now let's talk about your work, and particularly starting off with your Ryan Murphy work. Versace was the first thing you did. That role was a difficult role because, you know, we're in this very dark world of this guy that we know what he's going to do, and he's in love, or really, obsessed with your character. What was it like, you know, working in that environment? I don't know if Ryan directed any of your episodes, [Cody shakes his head no] and you got to know Darren Criss and everybody else. What was that experience like, to be on the set like that?

C: That was one of the best experiences of my life. Once you've worked on a Ryan Murphy set, particularly something like American Crime Story, everything else is ruined for you. Because it's a family, first and foremost. And if you don't belong in the family, then, you're excommunicated. And I don't mean that in the sense of, like, you did bad work, or you blah, blah, blah. But like, if you don’t fit in, if you’re not a kind person, and if -- the two things that matter the most in the Ryan Murphy world is that you are kind, and that you are hard-working. You've got to show up day after day. I got that script. I knew that this was going to be my door in with Ryan, I knew that I was gonna play this role, and I knew what this guy was going through. I could play this.

I flew back from London for the audition -- I was working on a script at the time in London -- and I flew back. And I decided that I need to empty the tank in this audition room. This is the last audition I'm going to do for a year and a half, because I’m gonna go off and I’m gonna direct a film. Because it was just becoming too heartbreaking, having people be like, “You were the best person for the role but we’re not -- you're not getting it.” I was like, “I can’t do this anymore. My heart is breaking.” And then I got the call from Ryan. And that set was the most loving, supportive environment, especially because I came in with what was possibly the hardest task of the series, which was -- we know that this guy is going to die from the outset, and you need everybody to fall in love with you, and you need to play the most extreme emotions imaginable, from the very first scene that you'll be filming, where your best friend's head is beaten in with a clawhammer, and everybody has been working already for eight weeks, and everybody knows each other and is a family, and... good luck.

So I really had to work my ass off. And the writers, Tom Rob Smith is so amazing and Darrin and I have completely different ways of working, you know. I’m really, like, I have the earphones on and I'm very, like, you know sitting on emotions and things. Because in that role, I needed it. And that’s the difference between something like Versace and Horror Story is in Versace, if you’re not, if that character -- he was a real person. He has real family who are suffering today, still, because of what happened. And that we knew going in I'd been told by the team that David and Jeff's story, the thesis of this story -- there's everything else around it, and people want to watch you know Penelope Cruz they want to watch Gianni, but it was really a Trojan Horse for the truth of what was happening, which was gay shame.

And David embodied all of that, you know, David had to die because of that. And I was only supposed to be in one episode, so they kept writing me in. That's when I knew, something's happening here. But I had one episode to do it in. So it was a lot of fun, but it was it was a big responsibility and I really shouldered that. And it was hard.

J: And then at some point, while you were still filming that, Ryan took you aside and said, “I’ve already got another role for you?”

C: Ryan and I had not met, really, when I started filming. And I kind of barged into Ryan’s office and said, “I wanna meet Ryan Murphy.” You know, I just literally -- and everybody was like, “You should not do this, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad.” And Ryan was sitting there eating lunch. And his assistant was like [shakes his head]. And I kinda left being like, “I’m about to get fired.” And then I got a phone call, and it was, you know, “Ryan Murphy wants to see you in his office.” And… I’m about to get fired. And he said, you know, “I saw your addition, blah, blah, blah. I haven't seen your dailies yet. I don't watch an episode until it's fully cut together because I want to give all the artists involved their opportunity, you know.”

And then I got called in after he saw the first cut of the fourth episode, and it was on. And that's when he was like, “I want you to play everything.” And he asked, he said, “What do you wanna do?” And I said, “I wanna work with Sarah Paulson and Kathy Bates.” And he said, “You need to work with Sarah Paulson. You’re gonna be the lead in the next Horror Story.” OK. You know, I was like, “All right.” And he told me the role that I would be playing, which was not the role that I ended up playing. I was gonna be the good guy. And two days before Horror Story started, I was told, “You’re Michael Langdon, the Antichrist.”

J: A little bit of a switch.

C: Good luck. Yeah. I love it. I love that.

J: So then you got on a set with Kathy Bates and Sarah Paulson. That must have been like -- for a boy who grew up with the divas...

C: And Jessica Lange and Joan Collins. I mean I was just like rolling around in the bed of candy, it felt like. It was -- it was so easy to do that role. It really was easy. It was, because you’re working with Sarah Paulson -- if you're ever lost in a scene, look at Sarah. You're in the room with Jessica Lange. Throw your ideas out the window and have fun. Kathy Bates and I -- it was like a mother and son relationship that became a real-life mother and son relationship, you know. She calls me son. And I had loved them all so much. And it was -- the first scene that I had in American Horror Story is in the second episode, when I have to interrogate Sarah Paulson's character, and it's a nine-and-a-half-page scene. Everybody else has been filming for three weeks, and I come in, and this is my first scene, and I had got the script two days before, and it's nine pages, and its opposite Sarah Paulson. Whew.

J: And you have to be the bossy one.

C: I have to be in charge. But what was great about it was that I really had to breathe, and I made sure that I was breathing, and my feet were on the ground. And I was like, “OK, you know, you're here. This is where you've always wanted to get to, so lock in, and go. Like, this is your chance, go.” And it was funny because we started acting and I'll never forget that Sarah kind of looked at me as if like, “Who the fuck is this guy?” You know? And after, we spoke about it she was like, “Normally people come in, and they’re so intimidated and blah, blah, blah.” And she was like, “And you just came straight out of the gate with choices.” And we were kind of laughing by the end of the scene, because, we were making power moves on each other. Like I’d be like, “Take a seat,” and she wouldn’t sit down. [laughter] And so I was like, “Ugh.” Really just threw me for six. So I knew that she had this hump on her back. You know, and that some point in time, it was kind of like -- there was going to be this big moment so I get to say, well like, “Take off your dress.” And it’s like, she’s like, “I’m not gonna do that.” You know, in the scene. And, we had fun.

J: That’s awesome. House of Cards. That was a weird experience, I would imagine.

C: Next.

J: Because you were actually already working on that -- we won’t go, well, we won’t go there. We’ll just go to the experience of making it. Because --

C: I was the last person to be… dangerously close to the clutches of Kevin Spacey. It's true. It's true. I mean, it's awkward, but... the man was a monster. He's a very talented actor, but he was not a very nice human being. And he was not a very generous professional. And it was messed up. Everything that was happening on that set. It was messed up. I mean what -- you know, they were holding it together. I'm not talking about anybody outside of Kevin Spacey and Kevin Spacey's actions. But at some point in time, you know, the needle’s going to have to move towards talking about complicity. And that's just the fact. And I had a great experience working with Robin. I loved working with Robin Wright. Robin Wright is one of my heroes. I mean, I had been watching House of Cards longer than I had been acting. And that was one of the first things, you know -- I wanted to be Claire Underwood. So, that was --

J: I loved that you wanted to be Claire, not Frank.

C: Yeah, because she’s so good. I mean, she’s so good. And she’s a genius.

J: And you had Diane and Greg Kinnear as your parents.

C: Diane Lane, oh my god. And Greg Kinnear. I had an amazing role. I mean, I -- we'd been shooting for three months. My role was very different. So when we came back to shoot that --

J: Just tell everybody -- you’d already been shooting for that long. Everything happened, he was fired. And then they had to take time to rewrite the script. And then you all had to come back.

C: And then we all had to come back.

J: And pick up the pieces.

C: We didn't have to come back, we chose to come back. And Robin was really a big part of that. And then we had to pick up the pieces. But, you know, it was a difficult process. I really wanted to be there, because it was -- it was this moment. It was supporting Robin, and it was really important. But as an actor, you know, it was one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Because here you are in an environment that feels fundamentally like it’s fallen apart. And your character has gone from being the arch-nemesis of the series to being taffeta. And nobody -- you know, everything is -- as it's going on around -- you know, this is to say, everyone on that show is phenomenal. The writers are some of the most exceptional writers in the world. Frank and Melissa as show-runners are exceptional. Robin Wright, you know, bow down. But that doesn't -- I can hold two things at one time. That it was one of the great honors of my life to be on House of Cards. You know? House of Cards. Ugh!

J: It’s known as the house that built Netflix.

C: The house that built Netflix. And at the same time hold in the other palm of my hand that it wasn't a great experience for me, and that's OK to say. In that it was very hard for me as an actor, and for the character. I mean it's like, you know -- I have a joke that is like, people talk about Duncan and what Duncan is doing more than Duncan is actually doing anything. “You gotta watch out for Duncan Shepherd.” “Yeah, well, where the fuck is he?” So, I’m gonna get in trouble for all of that.

J: We’ll tell everyone to turn off their tape recorders today, whenever they’re doing it.

C: The truth is that it was, you know -- I was happy to be a part of that moment and that movement, because hopefully things have shifted and changed. Because my opinion on it -- everyone is, you know I'm tired of this, I’m really tired of political correctness at the moment. And everyone stepping around on eggshells and nobody having an opinion, and everybody being very careful about what they say, in case the Twitter mob comes after them. And ugh. It just drives me crazy. This group-think at the moment drives me mental. And the truth is, it was it was wonderful to be a part of that experience, in that moment and what was happening, and to support Robin, and to stand behind it. But the needle now needs to move towards talking about complicity and the systems that are put in place to allow people like Kevin to do what Kevin was doing and he was doing it. And I’m OK to say it.

J: OK. I’m gonna open it up for questions --

C: Bold and unapologetic. [laughter]

J: Like I said, look that up in the dictionary, and it’s your face.

C: I’m absolutely going to get in trouble for that. But I don’t give a fuck, So…

J: All right. So who has a question for Cody?

Q1: Can you tell us anything about upcoming projects that you’re working on?

C: I can tell you absolutely nothing. But I can tell you that I am working on upcoming projects.

J: With Ryan Murphy?

C: I can’t say that. I can’t not say that. Maybe. Maybe, we'll see. I mean, the way Ryan works is very much like, you know a week out of what's going on. So we'll see if that works out. But you know, I would throw myself in front of a bullet for Ryan Murphy, so, you know, if he wants me to play a doorknob in a scene, I’ll play a doorknob.

J: But you have been doing writing and directing and stuff. Do you want to talk a little about, you know, some of your own projects?

C: Yeah, I love writing, and I love directing. I mean, directing a feature film had to take a backseat for the moment because, you know, first and foremost, what I love is acting, and to really shoot a feature film, and do what you want to do with it, and do it right is 18 months of your life. From, you know, pre-production to production to post-production to festivals to getting your mental sanity back in order. So I can't really afford at the moment -- well, I can, but I don't want to take 18 months off. I love acting. I love it. I mean, it's really you know --

I think we've reached a place, with artistry and with acting, that frightens me. Because what's begun to happen is that we've forgot that it's an art form, and it's become purely about entertainment, and what's happening in schools at the moment, what's happening around the world is that people don't grow up anymore -- You know, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “Famous,” is the number one answer. Famous. It's not that much fun. It's tough. I mean, I’ve had things happen to me recently that are unimaginable, you know, my family being targeted. It's horrible. It’s not an end in and of itself; it's a byproduct of something, and I think that we've reached a time where there are so many drama schools and there are so many acting classes and there are so many -- but people don't know what they're going to learn anymore. They're going because they want to be somewhere that they see on the television, and I think it's really going to come from somewhere deep inside of you. And we’re starting to ask more and more, like, “What can I get out of this,” as opposed to, “What can I give?” You know? “What can I really give to this art form and to this craft?” And I love that with writing and directing, but if I’m going to give it, I need to give all of myself to it. I can't do it half-assed. And in the content wars that are going on at the moment, where it’s like, it’s OK to make something that’s absolutely trash, as long as millions of people are watching it. You know, it's a subversive act to make something that's really meaningful and to get really honest about what that is.

The reason I did Horror Story, for example, and was able to play the Antichrist was because I was ready to talk about evil, and what great evil is, and what great evil means, and how we get there, and who's right and who's wrong in that equation. In American [Crime] Story, we were talking about gay shame, and about homophobia and about a man who couldn't come to terms with himself, but had one final heroic act before he died, which was to be authentic. To face his murderer head-on to say, “It's over.” You know, “I know who I am now, and I'm gonna die for it.” People aren’t willing to die for anything anymore. And I don't mean, like, you know, physically, just physically. I mean metaphorically. I mean, like, what is your street value? When you walk into a bar, and all of the shit that you tell people, and all of the things that you say you are, fades away, and you actually have to be who you really are, what’s your street value? What do you have to offer? Because fame ain’t it, you know? There's enough famous people. Rant over. Next. [laughter]

J: All right, we’re gonna let this person here ask a question, who won the award for having driven the furtherest, 500 miles to be here today. Do you wanna take the microphone? OK, go ahead.

C: Everyone can hear.

Q2: Are you satisfied with how Michael's story ended in Horror Story? And if you're not, how would you want it this story arc to end?

C: I think that it's Ryan's story, and I'm there to service Ryan’s story. So, there are things that you may be thrilled with, things that you may not be thrilled with. But the thing about Michael’s ending that I love the most is that Michael Langdon dies as an innocent teenage boy, before we understand that he is the great evil that he has become. So what happens when you do that is you ask that question, “If you got to travel back in time would you kill baby Hitler?” Right? That's the question that's being asked in that scene. Would you do it? Would you leave him in the street? And there’s subtleties to that ending, which people don't necessarily recognize. The beauty of when Constance Langdon looks at the Murder House, when Michael asks her to drag him there to be with his family for all of time, and she looks down to Michael and she says, “Go to hell,” and she walks away. She doesn't say it with animosity; she understands the buck stops here, you know? With great suffering and great pain, because, remember, Constance kills herself, so it's actually a very tragic ending. And the ending that comes from that, with the Antichrist being reborn in another form, it's like, yeah, I'm going to stop the devil. And that's the statement about evil. It's always coming back. It's coming back; you've just got to decide when you pick up the sword and fight it, and whose, you know, which side of the field are you on. So, I don't question Ryan’s judgments. I just play them.

Q3: Cody, Katrina Cooper. Thanks, you’ve shared some really personal stuff with us about your childhood.

C: Did I? I try not to.

Q3: No, it’s terrific. I think it’s really inspiring for young people out there who might be going through tricky stuff themselves. I kinda have two questions relating to that. Number one, what advice do you have for young people who feel that they’re not fitting for whatever reason? I mean, what made you strong enough to get through that? And number two, for people like me -- a parent of kids or teachers or friends or whatever -- what can people do to support kids that feel like you felt?

J: It’s a great question.

C: How much time have we got?

J: Yeah, really. How much time do we have, by the way?

C: Who cares?

J: Is there someone here who can tell me?

C: OK, so I'm gonna answer this question, and I don’t mind. I will keep going until the sun comes up.

J: Someone kinda give me a wrap-up signal?

C: When we need it. So, the first question was, what advice would I give to somebody, you know, a younger person maybe like myself, maybe like you, who doesn't fit in. And my advice would be -- and how to deal with that. My advice would be: don't fit in. It's so boring to fit in. It’s so, it’s so banal. I mean, it is just, like, a boring life, when you fit in. But that's easy to say, because when you're young, especially when you're a very young teenager, and you don't fit in, and people target you for it, and you’re bullied, and you're called names, and you might even be physically hurt for it -- it doesn't feel like not fitting in is a good option.

But let me tell you this: every single person who ever got out of high school alive, and who is looking back on their life, always says, “Man, I wish I could just go back, knowing what I know now, and I do it all again.” Because you would really be like, “Fuck ‘em all.” You know, like, I wish I went to my year 12 prom wearing whatever I wanted to wear, you know, and like, I'm not gonna say the things that I would do. But really, you know, like the thing about fitting in is that the people who are driving that horse, the ones who are most popular, the ones who are the head of those groups, are losers. They're losers, I mean, it's so pathetic. I'm telling you now, you're gonna get to like 10 years outside of school, and if you've been bullied, and if you don't fit in, you have to work harder than everybody else, you have to suck up your feelings, you have to grow a thick skin, you have to get resilient, and you have to get on with it. And about 10 or 15 years from now, you know, you'll go back to your hometown, and you'll see them, and you'll write me a letter, and we'll talk.

It's not to say that I'm, you know, there's any sense of bitterness or what-not about that, it's just about -- listen, pressure makes diamonds. In hard times, really galvanize who you are and who you can be. And if you have the strength to get through them, if you have the conviction of your own moral compass, if you can find beauty within yourself and within the world, if you can survive it, you’re gonna thrive when you get out of school. Don't worry, school is such a short period of time. You're never going to see those people again. And if you do, good for you. But, chances are, you’re not going to see the people you were at school with ever again. And you've got to get on with your life. That's the thing about fitting in, right? You live your life for other people, so that other people feel comfortable. How boring is that? You know, it's really boring to fit in, so don't worry about it. Don't worry about if people like you or not. Lots of people hate me. I love it. [laughter]

J: Just the other part of that question, then we have to wrap up. What would you say to a parent?

C: That's a tough one, because for me, you know, parents do the best they can with the means that they have. I had to understand that about my parents. I had to go back and really be like, you know, they were doing the best they could. But I think that my advice to parents would be to mirror your child back to them, with love. To allow yourself the courage to be a mirror, and to understand that this human being that is in front of you is actually not you, is not and should not be the best parts of what you think life are, but the amalgamation of lessons that they're learning with your guidance. Because they're gonna go through it. They're gonna get hurt, they’re gonna fail. Miserably. It’s about --

[This is where the live video hit 1:00:00 and Instagram cut it off. If someone has the rest recorded, please let me know!] ((final 5 minutes transcripted by duncan-shepherd)) C [cont.]: Stand[ing] as a mirror to your child, if you can stand as a mirror to any person, you know the worst thing is when you’re talking to a person and they’re waiting for their opportunity to jump in and say what they wanna say or that you’re talking to a person because you need advice and you know the only reason they're giving you the advice that they’re giving you is because they’re too afraid to do that thing themselves. Or they wouldn't do it. It’s really about listening to what somebody is saying and being like huh I wouldn’t do that but why do you want to. Talk to me about that and how you feel about that? Because being witnessed and this is the important thing, being witnessed by somebody is one of the most powerful acts that we can experience and you can stand in front of somebody, open and vulnerable and authentic, and have them just say “yeah okay I see you”. And they’ll accept you. “I might not like it but that's you”. To me that's the most powerful act we have, I think. J: Oh Cody Fern, we see you. Sorry, that was the corniest way to end this. C: No, I like it!!! J: But I’m sure I speak for everyone in here with that we’re just so grateful that you opened up and shared so much of yourself with us today and on behalf of G’day USA, we’re just so happy to have you here with all the Aussies. C: Thank you so much!

-------Again massive thank you and love to eakintata for the hard work and love she put into this.

#cody fern #sxsw #interview #transcript #*

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holylangdon · 6 years ago

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Do You Wonder (Michael Langdon x Reader)

Request: “CAn you do a Michael imagine where the reader knew him before the nuclear war stuff? Not long before tho because he was fully grown...I guess? But each the reader is kind of like betty on riverdale where she seems innocent and might even think she is but she has a dark side and Michael likes that about her and yee maybe smut, maybe fluff? i’m sorry this is so long i just love cody fern so so much” - Anon

“Hi, love you, can you write some Michael fluff please? Preferably with spooning thx❤️” - @cupkayyyke

“More Michael Langdon imagines ( fluff preferably) ! Obsessed with him ATM , I mean who isn't now 😍🤷?” - Anon

“Michael Langdon x reader where they have a serious but funny love-hate relationship?” - Anon

Warnings: If you squint really hard it kinda looks like fluff

Word Count: 1k words

A/N: I love when I make gifs tbh

Michael Langdon was a force to be reckoned with.

You knew it from the first time you met him. At sixteen years old, you knew there was something unique about him. And boy, he knew you were special too. You were the only person he’d ever met that he felt like he could completely trust, no holds barred. Maybe that was because the two of you were so close in age. Or maybe his judgement was just blind to you, he wasn’t sure.

You were the only (alive) person to know his innermost secrets and desires, his wants and needs. You could read him like a picture book at any given time. You could always feel his eyes on your body, even on the rare occasion that he was nowhere near you. He liked to watch over you. To keep you safe. Any harm that came you way would be met with severe disappointment and a painful injury.

Neither of you even remembered how you met. Maybe it was school. Maybe it was the Cooperative. Maybe you just bumped into each other on the street and the sparks flew. But one thing was for certain; your relationship was unique. The two of you were inseparable, always.

You were shocked that Miriam Mead nor your parents had noticed the tension between you two lately. You were friendly and as close as ever, but it had been three nights since it happened. And it was undeniable that the two of you had been a little more physically distant than usual, which was a sign of strange things.

Just a few days ago, a light-hearted nighttime drive around the city of Los Angeles had turned almost romantic as the two of you chatted away, The only other sounds in the air being the light hum of the radio and the light car horns that you could barely hear from the streets below you. You could almost hear the ocean around you, but you knew that you were probably imagining it. Michael had decided that it would be best to park on some barely-known lover’s lane and watch over the city from the rocky terrain. You should've known then what he was up to, but you were oblivious until his hand reached around your waist, pulling you into his chest. His lips pressed against yours in a deeply intimate display of his affection.

You returned the kiss, of course, but he pulled away moments later, leaving his arm around your waist and your head resting on his chest as the two of you laid against the windshield of the old, beat up Ford car. That’s where the two of you stayed for hours more, just talking and being in each other’s presence.

Just thinking about the memory made your chest feel warm and fuzzy, a small smile on your lips. Michael laughed lightly from across the room as he watched you for a moment before putting his attention back on the work in front of him. It was some old schoolwork that you kept pestering him to finish. And it was late, nearly ten o’clock as he worked. You were laid across his comfortable bed, curled up in the soft, old quilt that lined the area. It was your favorite, because it always smelled like him. He thought that was cute, and little did you know, he slept with it just for you.

“Should we talk about it?” You asked. He glanced back over at you for a moment. The boy shrugged unenthusiastically.

“What’s there to talk about?” He retorted. It came out in a sarcastic way, which he instantly regretted. He didn’t mean it like that, but you knew it.

“Why didn't we go further?” A rose colored blush appeared on your warm cheeks as you asked the bold question. He loved when you were nosey like that, and even more when you were the one to ask the questions. Usually it was him asking you for the answers to all of life’s most difficult questions.

“I didn’t want to push you.” An inquisitive look crossed your face. “You’ll tell me when you're ready. If I’m even the person you want to do that kind of thing with. I want it to be your decision.”

“Michael,” Your tone was soft, concerned almost. You weren't sure what to say. Your mind had thought up all of the terrible possibilities. What if he didn’t like you like that anymore? What if he had just wanted to test the waters? You certainly weren't expecting such a loved-up answer from him.

Michael was the type to hold your hand in public and let his arm rest around your waist, but claim it was just friendly. He didn’t like admitting his feelings nor talking about them. He preferred to show them through his touch, and you were more than okay with that. It just caused some... Confusion, sometimes.

And the two of you having sex wasn’t off of the table. Both of you had had a few too many hits from a joint a while after you first met, and you talked about a lot of interesting topics. You learned that he had had sex a handful of times, and he learned that you were an open book, unafraid of anything, but also a virgin.

“Why wouldn't I want to do that with you?” You turned over on your side, staring at him. His dirty blonde locks of shaggy hair fell in just the right places to show you his bright blue eyes. “If anyone in this world is going to take my virginity, it should be you.”

He stood from his seat at the desk, walking over to you. He slipped his house shoes off of his feet before climbing into the small bed with you. He laughed softly before pressing a kiss to your forehead, letting his arm fall over your hips as he pulled you close. The two of you were in such a special place at the moment as he held you against his chest, his chin resting on the top of your head.

“I love you.” Michael mumbled You couldn't help but grin as you responded with a small ‘I love you too.’

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gunterfan1992 · 6 years ago

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Episode Review: ‘Come Along with Me’ (S10E13-16)

Airdate: September 3, 2018

Story by: Ashley Burch, Kent Osborne, Adam Muto, Jack Pendarvis, Julia Pott, Pendleton Ward & Steve Wolfhard

Storyboarded by: Tom Herpich, Steve Wolfhard, Seo Kim, Somvilay Xayaphone, Hanna K. Nyström, Aleks Sennwald, Sam Alden & Graham Falk

Directed by: Cole Sanchez & Diana Lafyatis (supervising), Sandra Lee (art)

In August of 2012, I had just moved into a university dormitory to begin my second year as an undergraduate. On one of the last days of the month (the date escapes me), I was relaxing in the hall recreation room with my roommate. To my left sat another friend, watching something intently on his laptop.

His focus was remarkable, and so I was intrigued. “What are you watching?” I asked.

He glanced over and responded, “Adventure Time!”

I’d heard of the show, and seen a few clips. At the time, I was taken aback by its combination of high brow and low brow sensibilities. But I saw how much joy it gave my friend, I put down my guard and decided to give it a watch.

He tilted the screen towards my face, and what was I greeted to? Why a geometric space-god with a flaming blue sword attacking a green individual in a bright yellow jacket. Suddenly, a boy and his dog were in the picture. What was going on?

As it turns out, I was watching season four’s “Sons of Mars”, one of the show’s wackiest episodes. In time, I was enthralled by the bright colors and the silly jokes. There was Abraham Lincoln. There was death. By the end of it, I was won over.

I still think fondly of that day (as readers of this blog might be able to attest), for it was then that I was introduced to my favorite show, Adventure Time.

For years, it seemed like Adventure Time was just an omnipresent facet of popular culture. From t-shirts to Happy Meal toys, Finn and Jake were everyone, blending into what Marshall McLuhan would call the “beaten paths of impercience.” When we all learned that the show was ending in late 2016, it was sad, but because there were dozens of episodes left to air, this reality never really hit me.

But this week, it finally hit me. The end was nigh.

At 5 pm today, I sat nervously on my couch as the intro started, and we were off to the races.

The episode opens 1000 years after the lives of Finn and Jake. We are greeted to two new heroes: Shermy (voiced by Sean Giambrone) and Beth (voiced by Willows Smith). The two are heavily implied to be Finn and Jake reincarnated, and the latter is likely a descendant of Jake himself. After an encounter with the Prizeball Guardian (last seen in “Grabyles 1000+”), the two discover Finn’s robot-arm. They decide to journey to Mount Cragdor (where the Enchiridion was once kept) to find the all-knowing King of Ooo.

Once our new heroes make the journey and reach the top of the mountain, we the audience learn that the King of Ooo is not our favorite charlatan, but rather BMO. After Shermy and Beth present our little robot with Finn’s arm, BMO begins to tell the story of the “Great Gum War”:

1000 years prior (that is, during the show’s normal timeline), Princess Bubblegum and her Uncle Gumbald had each amassed armies to take one another down. Just before the battles are to commence, Finn devises a plan to stop any blood shed: He calls one last meeting between the Candy Kingdom and Gumbaldia, and then, using the magic, nightmare-inducing potion given to him by Nightmare Princesss in “Orb”, he knocks everyone into a subconscious world, where he hopes that they will make nice.

Everything goes a bit haywire, but in the end, Bubblegum and Gumbald realize that their is no real reason for them to fight one another: they each want different things, and are rightfully ticked off at one another, but through dialogue they can likely work things out. Finn and Fern, too, realize that they share the exact same fears that they have locked in their collective “Vault”. Putting aside their differences, they team up and kill the grass-curse spider that has held Fern a prisoner for so long.

At this point, our heroes (and villains) wake up and decide to make amends. Gumbald, however, is tripped by Aunt Lolly, and after being splashed with dum-dum juice, reverts back to Punchy. Lolly, however, vows to maintain the peace with the Candy Kingdom.

Just then, King Man crashes out of the sky and reveals that he, Betty, and an unconscious Maja donked up in a major way. He and Betty were trying to use magic to summon the primordial space demon/god Golb so as to undo the magic of the Ice King’s crown. However, their magic was too effective, and they accidentally summoned Golb to this plane of existence.

Golb begins to use his chaos magic, mutating candy kingdom and Gumbaldia citizens alike into grotesque monsters. Ice King is summoned by King Man and told to try and stop Betty from completing her ritual, but in the commotion (which sees Maja literally explode) they, along with Finn, are accidentally swallowed by Golb, where they start to get digested.

Things start to go downhill fast. Golb’s monsters are extremely effectively, and decimate Bubblegum’s forces and those of her ragtag allies. As Bubblegum is standing on a rock, one of the Golb-monsters lunges at her and seemingly crushes her!

Marceline turns around and seeing the death of her past paramour, loses it. Unleashing both the beast and magic girl inside her, our favorite vampire turns into the Dark Cloud, last seen in Stakes and absolutely wails on the Golb-monster, tearing it to bits. She is absolutely furious that her best friend has been smooshed.

But luckily, it turns out that Bubblegum’s advanced battle armor had a handy shield, and she was saved from any danger. Marceline is overjoyed, and flies into the candy monarch’s armies, weeping tears of joy. The two hug.

And then comes the Bubbline kiss.

As Marceline and Bubblegum were holding each other close after the latter was very nearly squished, I knew it was now or never.

I was on the edge of my seat, as a tearful Marceline tells PB: “Even back when we weren’t talking, I was so afraid that something bad would happen to you and I wouldn’t be there to protect you and... I don’t want to lose you again!”

There’s some cute back and forth, and then the two quietly, effortlessly kiss.

The debate online as to whether or not the two were in a relationship has raged on- and offline since “What Was Missing” first aired years ago. As the two’s friendship evolved over the years, I came to believe that a romantic relationship was the next logical step for both the characters and the show itself to explore. Marceline and Bubblegum are unique in that they are two strong, intelligent, and emotionally complex female characters who often spend time exclusively with each other; the two ace the Bechdel test, a fairly rare occurrence in modern media.

It’s a bummer that the show waited until the very end of the series to canonize their relationship, but perhaps that makes it all the more rewarding? We have worked towards this culmination, and now we have a fully-acknowledged lesbian relationship between two major cartoon characters! How ground-breaking! Furthermore, regardless of when this canonization happened, the confirmation that Marceline and Bubblegum are “more than just friends” will inevitably help to undo some of the erasure that queer communities have faced since the dawn of media (if not time).

To sum up my feelings, let me just leave you with a (heavily) modified quote from Virginia Woolf:

“‘Marceline liked Bubblegum...’ Do not start. Do not blush. Let us admit in the privacy of our own society that these things sometimes happen. Sometimes half-demon vampires do like sentient pieces of Bubblegum.”

(Of course, I am curious as to what their future holds. We seem them together snuggling in the epilogue, but they are not around one thousand years in the future. This is, honestly, the biggest question that will bug me about the finale!)

Despite taking a literal pounding from Marceline, Golb’s evil creatures pull themselves back together and march towards the Tree Fort. Jake gives chase, but is not able to reach them in time: they smash Finn and Jake’s beloved home, and seriously injure poor BMO.

Jake is beside himself! His house is gone! But then, BMO comes over to him, and lovingly calms him down. BMO points out that Finn and Jake have long been a parent to the little robot, and now it is time for BMO to be the parent. And then, BMO begins to sing a tune “for his son Jake”, entitled “Time Adventure”.

"Time Adventure", written by storyboard artist extraordinaire Rebecca Sugar herself, encapsulates the best of the series: it's sad but uplifting. Melodic but rough-around-the-edges. It celebrates the wonders of life while also admitting that we can't really see all there is to it. Some people online criticized it for being too obvious (yes, the song’s title is just a flipping of the show's title), but in some way, I find that it's the most poetic and philosophical thing that its ever done.

When I was 11, I had my first real panic attack. I was out with my family when I was struck by a thought that has not left my head since: I'm going to die. Not that I can die, or that death might hurt. No. I am going. to. die; presumably, my consciousness will disconnect and I will not exist. I want to believe in an afterlife, but it’s an idea that seems oh so very hard to accept when faced with what we know about nature (but that’s a whole ‘nother discussion). These revelations horrified me, and it has taken years to really process what death actually means—and I’m still not there. None of us really are.

But as I’ve aged, I've been comforted by some rather Stoic ideas, like the idea that what will be will be and we should not stress about things that we simply cannot change. I also like the idea that we are all part of the cosmos, and while we will die, we don’t cease to exist: we just merge back into where we came from.

These musings are adjacent to another comforting idea: the fourth-dimensional view of time that BMO sings about:

Time is an illusion That helps things make sense So we're always living In the present tense ... Singing, will happen Happening happened [...] And will happen Again and again 'Cause you and I will always be back then

It’s true. Perhaps my “arrow-of-time consciousness” will be blasted into nothingness once I die, but I’m not ceasing to be. I eternally am. What happened is happening will happen. “Time is an illusion/That helps things make sense.” While this idea might not extinguish a fear of death, it’s a nice thought. And just like Adventure Time, when you combine enough nice thoughts, you often get something beautiful.

And beauty is all that was really needed for our heroes. It turns out that Golb is a creature of chaos, meaning that the only weapon that the citizens of Ooo can effectively use is concordance—harmony in music. It might seem a little silly that “beating the baddie with music” is how Golb’s minions are defeated, but considering the sort of magical role that music has played in the show, it’s not too much of the stretch. It also remains me of how the show used (and subverted) “defeating a baddie with heart” to great effect did in Stakes.

BMO (who hilariously declares, “My art is a weapon!”) is joined by Marceline and Bubblegum, and soon by Jake and the rest of the crew. Their combined harmonizing weakens Golb, allowing Finn and Simon to escape from his belly. However, Betty decides to remain behind. She realizes that the singing has also reset the ice crown’s phantasmal magic. Putting it on, she wishes for the power to ensure Simon’s safety, which entails her transforming (in a stunning sequence that IndieWire writer Eric Kohn refers to as “straight out of Don Hertzfeldt”) into Golb him(her?)self. Golb promptly leaves this reality, dropping the crown onto the ground. Gunter grabs it, and—despite Jake’s warnings that the naughty penguin will wish to become Orgalorg once again—Gunter merely wishes to turn into the Ice King (or, “Ice Thing”).

Finn and Jake return to the ruins of their tree fort, where they plant Fern’s seed. A new tree immediately sprouts from the ground, with the Finnsword embedded within it. Bubblegum arrives on the scene and thanks Finn for directly disobeying her. She gives him an appreciative kiss on the cheek and then muses that he is getting taller.

We cut back to Ooo 1000+, where BMO wraps up the story. Shermy and Beth still have questions (just like the audience!) about ‘Phil’ and Jake, and Marceline and Bubblegum. BMO shrugs these questions off, saying, “You know, they kept living their lives.”

Shermy and Beth set out to find the “Ferntree” to verify BMO’s story; they eventually realize that the large tree reaching up to the heavens near their stomping grounds is almost certainly it.

We cut back to Finn and Jake, who are sitting around the Music Hole from the episode of the same name. The hole tells our heroes that she has a new song for them, and she begins to sing “Come Along with Me” (which every Adventure Time fan knows is the show’s closing number).

While the Music Hole sings, we see Shermy and Beth climb to the top of the tree. We are also greeted to a montage of what happened to all our friends in Ooo:

Lumpy Space Princess is crowned a bonafide princess (or perhaps even a queen)

Ice Thing and Turtle Princess get married

TV becomes a private detection (just like his grandparents!)

Sweet Pea graduates from school and eventually becomes a super-huge hero, who carries Finn's Nightosphere-sword

Aunt Lolly and Bubblegum seemingly make up and learn to love each other as family members

Lemongrab gets one of Jermaine’s paintings to hang above his bed, which brings him peace

BMO blasts Moe's harddrive into space with the help of Banana Man

Flame Princess and NETPR get popular and perform at Hamburger Hills Cemetery to a huge crowd

Magic Man is the happy King of Mars

Simon spends quality time with Marceline and Bubblegum, and seems to try and summon Betty back using Prismo’s wish magic (sadly, it doesn’t work)

Marceline and Bubblegum, meanwhile, are shown snuggling on the couch in the former’s house; it is implied that they are raising Peppermint Butler, who once again is showing an interest in the dark arts

Humans return to Ooo, and Finn is likely reunited with his (digital mother)

We also see what the Jiggler, Tiffany, the Crabbit, Susan Strong/Kara and Freida, the Candy Kingdom citizens, Tree Trunks and Lemonhope are up to

The episode ends with Shermy and Beth finding the Finnsword in the Ferntree. After Beth pulls the sword from the (metaphorical) stone, Shermy holds it up, just like the show’s title card.

So now let’s talk about what worked and what didn’t. The last half of the finale, if I do say so, was wonderful. Nothing to complain about here: we got arc resolutions, emotionally touching moments, and a nice sense of closure. In regards to this latter point, I specifically like how the show gave use an ending but emphasized that this finale was not really the full-stop end of the characters that we know and love—it was just the end of the story that we’re privy to. As BMO says, everyone kept living their lives and the world kept on spinning. That’s a very nice way to end a show like this, and it feeds into the existential ideals of Adventure Time: there is no grand, overarching story that has to have some big punctuation at the end. Finn and Jake are heroes, but long after they’re gone, the world will still be here, and there will be other great heroes to take their place.

With all this said, I must admit that the finale’s first half is something of a missed opportunity. Opening with Shermy and Beth was a totally inspired move (and the new intro is gorgeously animated, courtesy of Science SARU Studios), but I believe the show lingered on their introduction for just a little too long. Likewise, the weird trippy nightmare portion of the finale was about 15 minutes too long. We did not really need 1/4 of the episode to be devoted to wacky dream imagery that both “King Worm” and “Orb” did more effectively. And given that the show chose to linger on these sections—sections that, in the grand scheme of things, are not super essential—the final portions of the episode came across as a bit rushed. The storylines are all satisfying, but it would’ve been nice if we had gotten a little bit more focus on Betty, Simon, and Finn, or Simon and Marceline, rather than Bubblegum and Gumbald’s wacky nightmares.

And speaking of Gumbald, his ending was a total cop-out. I’m not too torn up about this, given that he was never the main baddie in this episode (that was Golb), but his deciding to make peace and then accidentally reverting to Punchy was contrived and anticlimactic. To go back to a criticism I had of “Gumbaldia”, if the show had been given just a little more time to flesh his character and motivations out, I think his role in the finale would’ve been much better served.

But like I said, I wasn’t too torn up about this, because the main focus of this episode was on Golb and the horrors that such a being could unleash upon Ooo. And the show did this wonderfully. Indeed, it was quite exciting that the show finally had a villain that Finn couldn’t just punch a lot until it died (remember, he beat the Lich this way). Golb was, arguably, invincible. It was only the extremely broken magic of the ice crown could do anything.

Speaking of satisfying, “Come Along With Me” also gives Fern an excellent conclusion. The poor grass-doppelgänger was never evil, just confused. By finally coming to terms with his existential crisis of a life, he and Finn were able to patch things up. Sadly, this came at the expense of his dying (the scene in which Finn and Fern kill the grass-curse spider was quite fun). But even in death, there is life, and Fern’s demise allows a new tree to replace the old tree fort. How sweet is that?

Finn coming to terms with his disability was also a nice touch. As I mentioned in my review of Islands, Adventure Time seems to have a somewhat pessimistic view of technology. With this episode, Finn loses his robot arm once and for all, and instead of having PB build him a new one or dabbling in arm-magicks, he decides to let it all be. This is a very important lesson for the show to emphasize. Finn is still Finn with or without his arm. By constantly trying to ‘fix’ himself, Finn was trying to fill a hole that didn’t need to be filled. After experiencing all this Golb biz, it seems that Finn has come to terms with his essence and who he is as a person. And arm or no arm, he is still Finn.

But as satisfying as I found the episode to be overall, I still have some lingering questions! What happened to the Candy Kingdom that resulted in it getting totally razed in the future? Why was the Prizeball Guardian built? What happened to Marceline and Bubblegum, given that they, in their own ways, can evade death in various ways? These of course are questions that will likely never be answered, and they certainly can be filled in in the minds of fans, but these quandaries are probably going to bother me for awhile! (Heck, I just want to know what Marceline and Bubblegum’s future looks like: I don’t really care too much about that other jazz!)

As I write this, I’m both happy and heartbroken: I’m happy because my favorite show of all time has just aired perhaps the most satisfying finale that I have ever seen. I’m heartbroken because the story is now over.

But hold on.

Like BMO and Co. sing in “Time Adventure”, just because the story is over from my point of view does not mean it has slipped away into the ether of oblivion.

It’s comforting to think that in the fourth-dimensional view of existence, I still am in that rec room with my friends, watching “Sons of Mars” for the first time. In a way, I’m eternally laughing and smiling at the jokes. I’m eternally still realizing what a wonderful program Adventure Time really is.

And in that way, it’s true what they say: the fun will never end.

Final Grade:

Season Grade: Were this a standard season, I would probably have been a little harder on it. The Gum War, having been developed two or so episodes, really came out of nowhere and needed more time to be properly developed. It also seems a little odd that the series finale is at least partially focused on an antagonist who was only introduced this season. But these issues were not the fault of the production staff; they were problems with the show being cancelled by the network and the staff having to tidy-up everything before it was all over. Muto et al. honestly did the best they can with the hands they were dealt. And make no mistake, the result is pretty good, even if things are rushed. Yes, there is a lot to love about season 10. It’s got humor and heart, action and adventure, and plenty of romance! It’s not my favorite season by any means (that’s a tie between season 4 and 7), but its episodes are definitely in the upper-tier of the series, as far as quality goes.

Series Grade: Do I even need to say this?

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cuartosol · 6 years ago

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ADVENTURE TIME RANT, THEORIES AND SPOILERS

I can't believe it's over??? It has been a cartoon that has been there for so long and never seemed to run out of ideas... And it didn't!

First of all, I really liked this finale. I knew Pricess Bubblegum's family arc couldn't be as important as the trailer said. It couldn't involve /everybody/. It was her bussines, maybe Finn's too. So I was kind of mervous about how this would play out. Were they going to leave it like that? PB once again reclaiming her right to the throne? It seemed weak?? So when they introduced Betty again I was so excited!!!!

Not going in depth because I don't wanna sum up the episodes, just five my opnion and wonder on the questions they left without answer.

Bmo is narrating the end of Ooo. Their memory may not be reliable, but the events they are talking about are connected to this new cycle. Because that is what the new world is. A new lap. Betty says so when she is holding the crown, their world is meant to reseat. And she sacrifices herself to do so... Except she doesn't. Her final and true wish is to protect Simon, because that is what she most desires. She doesn't care about the end of the world as long as he is safe and sane. So she doesn't stop the world from reseting. She just delays it, I'm guessing until Simon dies and her wish expires with him and the end of the world is free to come.

I would have loved to know how creatures like PB, who seem almost indestructible, survived the reset, tho. Or are they still alive and Bmo just doesn't know about it? Living things can survive a reset, so why wouldn't they?

And I think that is it for now, for the lore part. These are just my opinions formed just after having finished the show. I haven't read anyone's theories yet, so I may have some mistakes. Feel free to deny this.

NOW

BUBBLINE IS CANON!!!!! I can't believe it!!! I was expecting a big speech and a hug,but not a kiss! I thought they were going to confirm it on conferences or on social media. But they kissed! Sure, it wasn't a fist plane like the kisses we've seen until now, but it was clear and perfect, and their previous dialogue nade it undeniable. I may make another post about them, because this has made me so happy I started clapping and crying.

I think it's also worthy of mention Fern's death scene. I love how he is connected to the story until the end, how we might see more of him. BUT ALSO. Am I the only one who saw an Infinity War reference there? I may be reading onto things or be too intoxicated on the fandoms BUT!! C'MON!

Ahhh, overall, I am really happy about the ending. I would have switched and extended some arcs (The Islands Arc!!! Like!!!! I need more of that!!!). But it was sweet and I LOVED the reset theme, something above them that makes the a story among thousands more to come...

#adventure time #spoilers

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occasionalfics · 7 years ago

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Warrior, v (Thor x Reader)

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv

Summary: Everyone’s gearing up for the coming battle, but you learn something that changes everything.

A/N: So I had two sections that were not super short but not super long on their own. I could’ve posted them together, but that seemed like it would be almost too long for a single part, so instead, I’m posting them separately. That way, you guys get more Warrior for longer!

Tags: @oknstark @httpmcrvel @a-girl-who-loves-disney @markusstraya @125bluemachine125 @blvckxsoulz @jooheonie-bee (let me know if you want to be tagged!)

Words: 2,208 (like I said, not super short, not as long as the other chapters)

~~~ It appeared that Val was trustworthy after all. If she repeated anything of your story to Thor, he said nothing to you about it, at least. So you believed she kept the whole thing to herself, which you were grateful for. You would tell him, you insisted. One day. When he no longer mourned the death of his father and the loss of his home, you would tell him.

In the interim, you trained. Sometimes Thor trained, sometimes Val, but you had a long way to go before Thanos was to arrive. No one truly knew when that would be, just that he was on his way.

Captain America returned with the King of Wakanda as well as the Winter Soldier. You’d never met any of them - not even the Captain, truthfully. But you knew their fights were often fought for the greater good, so you took no offense. He seemed nice enough, if tense and maybe a bit protective of the Winter Soldier - who, at no point in your gazing at him, seemed like he needed protection. Tony Stark, however, glared at the man as if his eyes could make him explode.

The longer you trained, the more equipped for battle you became. It had been so long since you’d truly brandished your sword, too long since you’d joined an army. You slowly remembered why being a warrior had been so important to you on Asgard. It was your calling. You started to believe Val’s words when she said you would’ve made a good Valkyrie - perhaps not the best, but a Valkyrie nonetheless.

You said so to no one, but as the days dragged on, you wished Sif would arrive. You didn’t know if she would at all - how many of these Avengers did she know? How many times had she come to Midgard? Where was she, since Thor had assured you she hadn’t been destroyed by Hela the way Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg had?

For the first time in over an hundred years, you missed Asgard. Truly missed it - the place, not simply the people that had made it home for you. You missed it in your heart, in your bones, in your dreams. You missed its sunshine, its mountain ranges, the Bifrost...

Your dreams were starting to drive you crazy. Every night, it was the same - a dream you’d had when you’d landed in Norway that had stopped months after you’d become accustomed to living on Midgard. A dark shadow crept up a wall, into a bedroom, and wrapped you in its cold arms. It made sure to cover your mouth, to keep you from screaming. It jumped from the window with you in its arms, then ran across the palace grounds until it brought you to the Bifrost and Heimdall. It threw you at the ground, watched as you skidded across the floor until you hit the wall. Heimdall jumped, and the shadow took form. It was Odin.

“Traitor!” he screamed, just before you woke up, shivering and covered in cold sweat.

You took to the showers after the dream. There was no other choice but to clean yourself off and tend to the garden, no matter if it were four in the morning or nine.

You were out there one morning before the sun came up. You’d just pulled a weed from the plot of a tulip when the door behind you shut.

“It’s a little early to be pulling weeds, don’t you think?” Thor asked.

You quickly glanced at him over your shoulder, then shook your head before going back to work. “Can’t sleep,” you said.

His footsteps approached until he was beside you, standing at his full height while you kneeled before the plots. “Me neither,” he said, then he sat beside you and fiddled with the branch of a fern.

“Be careful with Dorothy, please,” you said. “She may look strong, but she’s quite frail against the hands of a God, especially one that wields lightning.”

He laughed softly. “Of course you named them,” he said.

You nodded to the plant in front of you. “This one is Blanche. That one,” you pointed to the rose plot next to you, “is Rose, obviously. The succulent next to Dorothy is Sophia.”

“Those are...peculiar names,” he said.

“They’re the cast of an old television show here,” you said. “The Golden Girls, because these four are my favorites. Just don’t tell Rock and Dean across the patio. They fancy themselves rebels without a cause.” You glared at the tomato and pepper plants by the door.

“Were you friends with these people?” he asked, still inspecting Dorothy’s leaves.

You shook your head. “Just a fan. The woman that played Rose is the only member of the cast still living. Hilarious woman, Betty White is. You’d love her.”

“If she’s anything like you, I’m sure I would.”

You stopped rummaging around Blanche and stared at him. You didn’t tell him that you were nothing like Betty White, but thought that surely, after 200 years and New Mexico, Thor had moved on. You would not hold it against him, nor hope against hope that he still held a flame for you. It would be ridiculous to think otherwise; Odin had made sure of that. You’d convinced yourself of it.

But then, people did not say things like that without meaning.

“Are you not scared of Thanos coming?” he asked.

Scared was not a word you thought was in his vocabulary. Thor was the bravest man you’d ever known. Sometimes he was so brave that he was stupid, but you didn’t mind that so much. It made his life interesting, to say the least. That’s what he would’ve said the last time you’d seen him on Asgard, anyway. You wondered what he’d say now, eyepatch, short hair, and all.

“Captain America had to bring the Winter Soldier out of a cryogenic slumber,” you said, sitting back on your heels. “Of course I’m scared. But we are large in number and ability.”

“He has the Infinity Stones.”

“Captain America?” you asked.

Thor shook his head. “Thanos. I know not how many he possesses, but he’s on a quest for them.”

You could feel your eyes go wide. “That’s why he’s coming, isn’t it?” you asked. You knew, somewhere in the compound, was a small glowing box that Loki had once possessed - all details you’d learned in the aftermath of what happened in Manhattan. The Tesseract.

“The Guardians gave the Orb to the Nova Corp. Sif and Volstagg gave the Aether to Taneleer Tivan, the Tesseract is here, and Vision…” He trailed off.

You’d had few interactions with the humanoid artificial intelligence named Vision, though you’d lived with him for some time. Your eyes widened when you thought of him, though. In the center of his forehead laid a small yellow gem.

“He is one of them, isn’t he?” you asked. “The Mind Stone.”

Thor nodded. “There are already too many here alone. Xandar will never be able to fend off Thanos from getting the Power Stone. He may have some trouble finding the Reality Stone in that museum of Tivan’s, but it won’t be long before he has that one, too. The Space, Mind, and Time Stones won’t be safe when he arrives. The latter is being kept by Doctor Stephen Strange, who should be arriving any day.”

“And the Soul Stone?” you asked.

He shook his head. “No one knows who has it or where it is. My best guess is that, if Thanos is not already in possession of it, he will be. Soon.”

You sat back further, your toes curling so they weren’t supporting your weight on their own anymore. It dawned on you that it would not matter how much you trained, if Thanos acquired all six Infinity Stones. Your nightmares seemed like nothing in comparison.

You hadn’t noticed until then, but your breathing had gone uneven. You leaned forward, digging your nails into the soil around Blanche. You couldn’t blink, could barely heave a breath past your throat, which was clogging with nothing. “There will be no stopping him,” you said, shaking your head as the rest of your body convulsed. Images of everything you had - everything around you - being destroyed, turned into dust, all flashed before your mind’s eye. “He’ll take everything.”

“We won’t let him,” Thor said, leaning forward to encroach on your quickly blurring vision.

“How?” you asked. “He’ll be too powerful. Who are we, compared to a tyrant with all six of the Stones? What could we possibly do if he has the Gauntlet?”

He had no answer. Of course he didn’t. There was no answer to give. There was only darkness, an abyss of nothing before you that was much worse than any shadow. It was all shadows combined with the object of exiling all life on Midgard.

You looked at him, forcing yourself to stop moving so much. “I spent so long waiting for you to come back to me,” you whispered. “And now that you have, it will mean nothing.”

Again, he was silent.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, looking at Blanche for a moment, unsure of who, exactly, you were apologizing to. Were you failing Thor or the plant by letting Thanos come and destroy all you held dear? Without an answer, you stood suddenly and turned back toward the door. “I have to go.”

He caught up with you before you had your hand on the doorknob. “Where are you going?” he asked, still quietly.

Your arms tensed, and your fists balled. You could hardly stand to have his hand on you. “I...I don’t know. I just...I can’t sit here and talk anymore.” You tried to reach for the door, but he wouldn’t budge. You glared at him as you said, “I have to do something.” Then you focused on the sleeve of his shirt, unsure of what would happen if you dared look at his eye for too long.

Would your resolve break? Would the world? Would it matter, now that you knew what Thanos was after? Everything else felt so miniscule and meaningless, but somehow that made you only more secretive and guarded. If divulging felt inappropriate before, it felt downright ludicrous now.

“What are you going to do on your own?” he asked. “What could you possibly think is going to change right now?”

You shut your eyes, took in a deep breath, then let it out. “I. Don’t. Know.”

His grip tightened. It almost hurt, but you were tense, and you knew that had something to do with it. “Please,” he said. “Before...before everything falls apart, I have to tell you something.”

You shook your head, glaring at the ground. “No, you don’t.” It would mean nothing. You could do nothing about whatever it was he wanted to say. At the end of the day or week or month, everything would be gone, and any action you took now would be absolutely null and void.

“(Y/N),” he said.

“Stop, Thor.” You allowed yourself to look him in the eye before you went on. “Something bigger than anything we’ve ever dealt with is coming. There’s no reason to waste your breath.”

“Breath cannot be wasted,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes at the absurd saying. When his eye met yours again, his brows were harshly furrowed, perhaps to make up for the lack of fire in the socket behind his eyepatch. The other eye burned hot as you looked upon him. “Why are you so insistent on denying the expression of my feelings?”

You paused. You’d known what he wanted to say, or at least some part of you did. But now was not the time - that you knew with absolute certainty. Now was the time to sharpen your sword, to somehow find a suit of armor, to say your goodbyes. If Thanos was heading for Midgard, where three of the six Infinity Stones could be found, there was no hope for tomorrow. Not anymore.

“Because there has always been a tyrant between us,” you said, your head suddenly too full and hot. Your vision blurred with tears that pooled along your lower lid. “Because there has never been a good time for us, Thor. And now…” A tear streaked across your face, and you wiped it away just as quickly.

He sighed, and his shoulders slumped. It wasn’t so much a comforting gesture, but rather a releasing of tension as a reaction to feeling hopeless. You just couldn’t figure out if he’d given up trying to talk to you, or if he’d stopped believing anyone could defeat Thanos.

“Fine,” he whispered, letting go of your hand over the doorknob. “You’re right. I apologize.”

You didn’t move at first. You searched his gaze for some reason, for an answer he couldn’t give. Or maybe you’d kept too many things from him, and he no longer trusted you with answers. Either way, he looked away from you, out toward the horizon, then stepped away from the door.

You opened the door, stepped through the threshold, then stopped and turned around. “I’m sorry,” you said. “I promise that this is the last time I will ever hurt you, Thor Odinson.”

#thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #warrior fic

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lostinfic · 7 years ago

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4 | Hiding

Mercier x Betty British Raj AU

Calcutta, 1902. The word ‘dance’ comes to mind, their own choreography of gazes exchanged across the room, brushes of hands and half-spoken confessions. They orbit around each other, destined never to collide it seems; Mercier is upper class, Betty is a governess. And he’s spying on the family whose children she swore to protect. But in this foreign land of spices and silk, of golden gods and lush forests, where cultural norms clash and wane, even destinies must yield to desire.

Rating: Mature Word count: 2.2k Beta: @fadewithfury <3 You don’t need to have seen either show.

Tumblr | Ao3 | This chapter on Ao3

Mercier traipsed through the marshland at 5am, hunter boots up to his thighs and riffle on his shoulder. Achille and Céleste bounded behind him, happy to be out in the country.

The chilly dawn wrapped around him like a blanket and absorbed every sound. He paused by a stream and closed his eyes, in the quietness his head felt lighter. In the city, the perpetual noise pressed against his skull, the bones shrank around his brain. He took a deep breath. In the crowd of the Durga Puja celebrations, Betty’s closeness had alleviated this constant pressure for a brief moment.

Would she enjoy the morning’s peacefulness as he did?

Lotus flowers floated on the river, bobbing with the ripples from a frog’s jump into the water. Betty had said she liked plants and flowers.

Mercier had done his best to convince the other hunting participants to invite women and children to a picnic. He’d blamed his insistence on Gabrielle so as not to look suspicious. Other men had already expressed their opinion in favour, and it was finally agreed the men who so desired could invite their wife and children for a mid-morning meal. That didn’t mean Lord Wigram would do so. Or he could take his wife, but not his children, in which case Betty wouldn’t be there. And even if she was, she might not be able to sneak away with him. Although she’d proved rather creative so far (another reason why he liked her so).

Mercier and his dogs crouched in the tall grass, he trained his gaze and firearm on a group of ducks, but branches of a weeping willow protected them for now. General Grégoire stealthily joined him, aiming at the ducks too, waiting for them to paddle away.

Once more, Mercier’s thought drifted to Betty, to their meeting at the zoo. He admired her loyalty to the family. Despite Lady Wigram’s antipathy towards her, she’d still tried to excuse her employer’s behaviour. Was it only because Betty didn’t trust him enough to speak her mind, or was she genuinely determined to see the best in everyone?

Gunshots startled him. Ducks flew away in panic. The two dogs and a local boy in a loincloth ran towards the river to pick up the ducks killed by General Grégoire.

“What are you doing, Mercier? You didn’t even try to shoot.”

“I think there’s a problem with my gun,” he lied.

Betty, Samaira, and the children walked carefully between white tablecloths and cushions spread across the lawn for the picnic.

Women in white dresses were already sipping champagne and lemonade. Their hats rivalled in volume and accessories, feathers and flowers and bows draped over brims wider than their shoulders. Amongst them, Betty spotted Gabrielle Mercier, they waved discreetly at each other.

Mercier was here.

A knot she didn’t realise she had loosened in her stomach.

In the centre of the clearing, a heavy, shiny gramophone played a waltz, notes floated out of it like dandelion seeds in the breeze. A dozen children danced around, imitating their parents. Victoria and Winifred ran to join them. After four minutes, the gramophone had to be hand-cranked again.

Betty was happy to meet, for the first time, other nannies and governesses. She chatted with a girl from Edinburgh, but her attention wavered when someone blew into a conch to announce the end of the hunt.

Servants hurried to bring the food, large silver plates of sausage, tongue and spiced beef, bowls of potato rissole, salad and fruits, platters of bread and cheeses. It was a potluck meal, each family had brought something— prepared by their cook, of course.

Monkeys and squirrels appeared on the branches of nearby trees, attracted by the delicious scents.

Several minutes later, the first men came out of the woods, behind them, local boys carried their prey. Betty watched each one as they walked out and were offered a glass of pale ale or ginger beer. Mercier came out last, a thin sheen of sweat of his flushed face, his loose white shirt was opened wide at the collar. He was laughing to something another man had said. Their eyes met across the field and her heart stopped for a second.

She imagined him crossing the lawn in great strides to take one of her hands as he wrapped his arm around her waist, and they would waltz across field.

She tore her eyes away before anyone noticed her staring.

“I know him,” the governess from Edinburgh said.

“Who?”

“The Frenchman.” She leaned towards Betty and whispered, “last week, Lady Katherine asked him to come over whilst her husband was gone.”

Betty’s stomach sank.

“Did he go?”

“Nah. He turned her down. She was furious!”

She laughed, and Betty breathed a sigh of relief.

“I bet she wasn’t the first one to ask him,” the girl continued. “He’s a looker, he is.”

Betty shrugged and stepped away from the gossipping governess.

The children had their own dedicated corner for the meal, away from their parents. Betty was too nervous to eat anything.

A week had passed since the Durga Puja parade, more than enough time to fantasise about their meeting at the picnic. But as the minutes ticked away, it seemed less and less likely any of the scenarios she’d imagined would come true.

She stayed with her wards, and he with the men or his sister. Every time they inched closer, someone would come up to him, or a child would call her name. People got drunker and the sun warmer. Her longing grew, heavy and insistent in her chest, stronger with each gaze exchanged across the lawn.

“Let’s play hide-and-seek,” Victoria suggested.

The youngest children were already napping, but the older ones jumped and cheered in agreement. They dragged their governesses and nannies towards the woods.

As fast as courtesy allowed, Mercier ended his conversation with the Earl of Dalhousie. He asked Gabrielle to keep an eye on his dogs, then nonchalantly roamed towards the woods. He slipped between trees on the opposite side from where the children and governesses had gone to play hide-and-seek.

As he walked through the shady grove, Mercier spotted a tall cluster of orchids amongst the ferns, pink blooms spread open, darker petals in the middle around a tiny protuberance. He picked one up, rolled the thick stem between his thumb and finger. It smelled of grass and vanilla.

When he heard children laugh, even if he couldn’t see any of them yet, Mercier slowed his steps. He had enough experience as a spy to fool eight-year-olds.

After a bit more roaming, he saw Betty, about six feet away, by a banyan tree, all around its main trunk, branches had dropped and taken root, and she hid between those tendrils. He cleared his throat to alert her to his presence.

Betty leaned against the trunk, head cocked with a smile and hands behind her back. With long strides, he crossed the distance between them, never taking his eyes off her.

He gently tucked the orchid in her bun, above her ear, and smoothed the hair over the stem, lingering. He brushed his knuckles down the side of her face.

“Hi.”

They both laughed softly, high on the sheer pleasure of sharing more than a sideways glance, finally able to stare at each other to their heart’s content.

The closer he looked, the more fascinated he became with her beauty. From their first encounter, he’d thought her pretty, but now he saw how everything about her was a contrast of softness and strength: doe eyes a fierce shade of gold, smooth, pink-flushed skin over a sharp jaw, plump lips and razor-straight teeth. He stepped closer, well into her personal space, chest heaving with a surge of desire.

“The children…” She glanced over her shoulder, indicating they were close.

“Come.” He grabbed her hand and they ran away, deeper into the forest.

They stopped running when they reached the ruins of a temple. Crumbling walls, fallen columns and headless statues covered in moss and climbing plants. Roots and blossoms grew in every crack. Birds nested in the crossed legs of an anonymous deity.

“This is marvellous,” Betty whispered reverently.

Eyes wide, an astonished smile on her face, she looked all around. And Mercier looked at her, never letting go of her hand. They walked farther into the temple, ducking under an archway that lead to a shrine, elephants carved into the bottom of the walls. Where a spire had once risen, tree branches met in a dome through which trickled sunlight. Backlit leaves created a green mosaic like stained glass.

“This is what I wanted,” Betty said.

“What is?”

“Spending time with someone who is not a child for once. Companionship, I suppose... And a bit of adventure.”

“Companionship and adventure. Am I to provide that for you?”

Betty shrugged and bit her thumb nail, suddenly shy.

“Do you want anything else?” Mercier asked.

“Have no fear, as I said, I have no illusions as to the kind of men who flirt with governesses.”

Mercier dropped her hand and frowned. “Can you trust me when I say I do not make a habit of such behaviour?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m here now, am I not? So, you don’t need to lie or pretend this is… more.”

She looked down at her shoes. He had that feeling again, that she’d been deceived before. Hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do, but it was too early to make promises. Anyway, words were obviously not enough to convince her.

“And you, Colonel, what do you want from me?” she asked, with a challenge in her eyes.

“Companionship and adventure sounds wonderful.”

She took his hand, and he knew he’d passed her test. He raised her hand to his lips, kissing each finger adoringly.

“I should like you to call me Jean-François.”

“Then you may call me Betty.”

They whispered each other’s names carefully.

“Tell me something about yourself, Betty.”

His request took her by surprise. She worried her bottom lip, searching their surroundings and his face for some answer.

“I want to mess your hair.”

Mercier laughed and obediently bowed his head, offering his curls to her fingers. At first, she shyly combed through the top, but soon she dug deeper. He closed his eyes as she gently massaged his scalp. He wanted to rest his head on her knees and let her tenderness lull him to sleep. A sigh, not unlike a purr, escaped his throat. She giggled, and he looked up, strands falling on his forehead.

“Satisfied?” he asked.

“For now.”

She twined her fingers on the nape of his neck. With her thumb, she stroked the base of his skull and it sent a shiver down his spine. His gaze fell to her lips. Could he?

A hissing sound startled them. Betty jumped behind him. A fat snake, larger than his arm, slithered out of its nook in the wall, glistening scales in patches of brown and dark green.

Betty whimpered behind him, and he couldn’t deny he enjoyed the way she clung to him.

“It’s only a python,” Mercier said, taking her in his arms and rubbing her tensed back.

“Only a python?”

“They are not venomous.”

She shivered.

“I want to leave.”

He reluctantly let her go, and they exited the ruins.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but it’s not quite the kind of adventure I had in mind.”

“I understand.”

They walked in silence to the edge of the forest, slowing down when noises from the picnic came to them.

“I wish we had more time,” she said. “ But I should really go back to the children.”

“When is your next day off?”

“I already had it this month.”

“Only once a month?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I understand if you think it’s too complicated and you want to stop.”

“No.”

He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. Was it possible that he already missed her?

“I have an idea,” he began. “Have you ever noticed the small shrine to Ganesha in the alley behind your house?”

“The very old one? I don’t think it’s used anymore. What of it?”

“Do you know what they call Ganesha?”

“The remover of obstacles.”

He smiled. “I propose we use the shrine as a… mailbox of sort. I should like to write to you, Betty. And you to me. If you want. You could hide your notes behind the statue, and I would send a chaprassi to bring them to me, and to deliver my own letters.”

“You want me to write to you?”

“Yes.”

“But… what would I write about?”

He shrugged. “Anything. Your day. Your night. Your thoughts. I’m curious about you.”

She considered his suggestion, thinking it through. He awaited her agreement with a nervousness he hadn’t felt in a long time. He knew the precariousness of her situation, was he asking too much?

“I would really like that,” she answered at last.

Mercier’s face broke into a grin. “Thank you.”

They held hands one last time before walking away in opposite directions.

Chapter 5: Writing

#Mercier x Betty #teninch fic #spies of warsaw #a passionate woman #edwardian era #historical AU #slow burn #British Raj AU #lostinfic writes stuff

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hardblazesong · 7 years ago

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Noir Nocturne Part 1 Chapter 18 I’ve Got a Feeling I’m Falling

(For Widdy: better late than never my dear.)

Dougal saw Claire motion to him from the doorway to the den. “Your pardon Lass, thank ye for the instruction about the baseball.” He smiled down at Lilly, threw a frown at Angus to stop him from doing anything he shouldn’t, and stepped out to the entryway.

“Dougal, would you follow me upstairs a moment? I have some things I need to give you” she said when he reached her side.

He bit the inside of his cheek instead of saying something inappropriate to her. It was a close call. “Aye, lead on.”

Jamie met them coming down the staircase. He quickly glanced between them with a slight frown but didn’t say anything. He continued his descent and Dougal heard him enter the den.

“Meet me in the bathroom Dougal.” Clair said from the top of the stairs, and in doing so completely flustered him, as he had been studying her swaying backside.

“Erm…” he began, he couldn’t help himself.

“I just want to make sure you know how the shower works, and give you your items for use in here. You have your towel in your pack, but I have all the other items. Do try not to glower at me so all the time. I’m doing the best I can.”

“We all are” he said gruffly, stepping into the third-floor bathroom and taking note of all the different fixtures again, while he waited. He hadn’t realized he’d been frowning at her. He hadn’t meant to.

“I know, and I’m truly thankful that you and the others are trying as hard as you are.” She handed over the items and pointed out where to hang the towel and small cloth, put the razor and toothbrush, and stepped over to the separate glass enclosed shower. “The taps in here, and on the bathtub, should work as the sink did earlier. But be careful, test the water before you step in it so you don’t skald yourself. Please show Angus and Murtagh and give them their things as well. You will have to be cleaning up after yourselves here. I am not going to do it, although I will help with the laundry until you get the hang of it. Women in these times are very different from what you are used to you know.”

He laughed at that, a short sharp ha. “I dinna think they can be all that different Claire, but I ken ye are no our servant.” He tried out a grin, to see if she would smile, but she sighed instead, looking up at him in the close quarters with a face full of skepticism. He was suddenly very aware of how little she had on, again.

“I am glad to hear it. I don’t think you have time to shower before dinner, but please do so after, so that we can all have a turn in here before bed. I should have remembered pajamas, robes and slippers, just put on some of the work clothes after instead. I’ll take care of the other things soon” and with that, she left.

He spent a few minutes arranging things in his room to his satisfaction and thinking over all that had occurred since they found themselves here. He had barely scratched the surface of what he felt about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claire entered the den and introduced herself to the others. The one called Betty gave her a looking over but Lilly and Julien merely nodded in her direction. She hoped the men hadn’t said anything that she would have to account for at some point. Jamie was listening to the radio with a perplexed look on his face, but she assumed it was just another reaction to the newness. She was a bit worried that the reality of the situation hadn’t totally hit him yet. He seemed to be handling this transition well, but it was so hard to read him sometimes. He could make his face blandly impassive at will if he didn’t want anyone to know what he was thinking. She knew a reckoning must come, but had no idea how or when.

“Come and get it while it’s hot!” Rhea shouted from the dining room and everyone very promptly moved into it. There was another man already seated at the table, near the head, where Rhea was standing, who looked up and smiled.

“Sit down, and start passing. Chuck budge up next to someone else so the lovebirds can sit together near me.” Rhea said, pointing a carving knife at the new man. Claire saw he was an attractive looking, older thirty something, tan, dark brown haired, mustached, wearing tennis whites.

“You know, it’s the most curious thing” she said, studying him intently as she sat down next to him, “and I am sure you hear it all the time, but you look remarkably like Ronald Colman. “

“How extraordinary, my dear Country woman. Curiouser and curiouser I’m sure.” Chuck winked, smiled a very white smile at Claire, nodded at Jamie on her right and looked around the table to the rest of the influx from the den.

“That’s because he is Ronald Colman Pet” an unimpressed Rhea said while passing a platter of roast to Jamie.

He’d been a star of stage and silent pictures, but now he was building a talkie career that would see him become one of the biggest movie stars of the thirties and beyond Claire remembered, as soon as she got over being flustered by this startling revelation. Her hand shook badly when she handed him the platter.

“Alas, it’s true. I am he my dear. Sorry to miss the Charles’ tonight Rhea. I always enjoy Nick’s stories” he said, as he politely ignored Claire’s discomfort.

“Nick Charles? Fancy man, about my age?” Dougal said from the opposite side. “We met him today at the Barbers.”

“Well then you know all the boarders at last. Nick and Nora stop over here when they are in town, keep the double just for them. I just bet Nora would rather be in a fancy hotel, but Nick’s an old friend and he wouldn’t hear of it. Helped me out of a spot a trouble a few years back. Lord love a duck but he’s a funny sort. Wonder how he knew you bunch would be at the Barbershop.” Rhea continued to pass items from a sideboard and then finally sat down. “This new lot are actors like you Chuck. Just got here though so I bent the rules for them. Father McDaniel made me.”

“Oh no, we are nothing like you Mr. Colman, just theater amateurs and vagabonds who happened to have some friends working a film out at Griffith Park. I’m actually a nurse.” Her voice sounded a bit high and squeaky to herself and she felt Jamie lean in closer from her other side, possessively placing his thigh against hers.

“We all have to start somewhere. Call me Chuck, everyone here does. It’s Rhea’s fault, she found out my middle name, and won’t let me forget it.” He laughed and settled into the meal. The others weren’t chatting as they were all too busy eating.

It really was a very good meal. Claire particularly liked the fried green tomatoes. They were new to her but she probably would have liked fried cardboard as hungry as she was. Even sitting next to a movie star couldn’t dim that.

“I just adore Nora Charles, she’s ever so glamorous.” Lilly sighed while studying Jamie from across the table.

“You’d be a glamour puss too with all her money silly child. She thinks she’s made Nick retire, that’ll be the day. Made your favorites for your birthday poppet so save room for pie.” Rhea, obviously fond of the young blonde, passed the food around again. “Well, I can see I’m going to have to stock up the larder a bit with you men shoveling that down as fast as you are. Glad you like it.”

Claire, regaining some of her composure, asked Julien what he did for a living.

“Screenwriter at MGM, so is Betty here. Lilly does hair and makeup over at Warner’s.” Claire thought he might be a bit pompous but basically harmless.

Dinner finished after pie, coffee and a rousing chorus of the birthday song, Dougal rose and headed to the entryway. He signaled to Angus and Murtagh to follow and hopefully he would take her advice, Claire thought.

“Care to join us for a smoke on the porch Fraser?” Julien said before heading out with Colman. Jamie gave a slight shrug to Claire and followed.

“Well, can I help with clearing and the dishes Rhea?” she asked, noting that none of the men had offered.

“No, you sweetie, it’s Betty’s night to help. You’ll be in the rotation soon enough.” Rhea informed her, waved her away with a grin and left for the kitchen.

“Want to sneak out back for a smoke with me?” Lilly asked quietly, startling Claire who had been wondering if she should follow Jamie or check to see if Dougal had taken the men upstairs.

“Alright, but I don’t smoke” she said conspiratorially with a small smile for the young woman.

“Really? Why ever not? Just because the men don’t like it doesn’t mean they get a say, now does it?” Lilly took Claire’s hand and led her to the back porch.

It was cool, shaded and screened in. Several comfy fan backed white wicker chairs with plush floral cushions surrounded a mahogany coffee table that had a glass top, under which were ticket stubs to several movies and playbills from local theaters arranged artfully. Large ferns, spider plants and orchids in brass holders were placed every few feet.

“This is lovely, I hadn’t noticed when I went to the garden earlier.” Claire said, enjoying the oasis sensation. She listened as Lilly rambled on, gossiping about some of the people she worked with at Warner’s Brothers Studio. The meal, the day, the night before and the improbability of her situation were combining to make her feel as if she could sleep for a week, and be glad for it. However, she had plans for Jamie, and that was enough to make her sit up a bit straighter and try to engage with the conversation.

Thirty minutes later she yawned and said “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll take a stroll around the yard Lilly. I have some things I need to take care of before I can finally have a soak in the tub upstairs.” She left before Lilly could object. Maybe a bit rude that, but she needed the stretch of her legs and back it would provide. All the danger, walking, horseback riding, emotional upheaval of the wedding, and amorous adventures of the past week were enough to make her feel positively bruised and stiff.

She took a circuit to the front porch, noting that Dougal had joined them. The men stopped talking as she came up the steps. She must have spent longer on the back porch then she thought because it was obvious that Murtagh, Angus and Dougal had already showered. They all looked slightly abashed and flushed when they saw her, but said nothing.

“Ah, good, you’re all done then. I am longing for that tub. Jamie a word please?” she said after smiling her brightest smile at all the men and heading inside.

“She is lovely James.” Colman said in appreciation.

“Aye, my wife is that.” Jamie said, stopping by the open screen door and smiling in at Claire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She waited for him at the bottom of the steps. His heart was starting to thump a bit harder and his breathing was speeding up as well. His mouth suddenly felt completely dry and he licked his lips as he crossed to her.

“Time for your shower and my bath. Then, well then, it will be time for bed if you are anywhere near as tired as I am.”

He felt almost shy with her standing there, smiling softly at him. He couldn’t think what to say in response, something that happened to him all too frequently around her. It was as if he were a daftie half the time he was near her.

“Aye, weel, as you say Sassenach. Do ye need me to come up with ye now?” he hoped with every beat of his heart that she did.

“Well, in all honesty, I was hoping you would give me about thirty minutes in the bathroom alone. I just wanted to tell you to go ahead and come in after that. Do be quiet about it however. I don’t think we would get much of a protest out of Rhea if she knew we were in there together, but you never know. Why don’t you grab a newspaper or a book from the den and bring it upstairs to our bedroom after you let the men know we are calling it a night. You probably should tell them they need to go to bed as well. It will be a very early start tomorrow. I need to see Rhea before I head up, but I’ll be in there in about five minutes.”

He tucked her curls behind her ears and bent and kissed her forehead gently. “Thirty-five minutes then mo nighean donn. Ye ken I’ll be counting every second aye?” he felt his mouth quirk upwards when he saw her blush prettily.

“Aye I do.” She grinned back and walked off to find Rhea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Claire wanted to know if Rhea had some bubble bath and a robe she could borrow. She’d forgotten so many things today, it was a bit infuriating. She found her in her parlor, listening to symphonic music on the radio.

“Oh sure Pet. My bedroom’s on the next floor at the end of the hallway towards the front. Several things at the top of the closet you could probably use. I used to be about your size, shorter of course, no idea why I save ‘em, nostalgia I suppose. Bubble bath and the stuff to clean the tub is already up in your bathroom. See you in the morning bright an early.” Rhea dismissed her with a warm smile.

Claire found a long blue silk robe, patterned with cranes and swallows in an oriental design, along with some rather racy undergarments in the thinnest white satin she had ever seen. They were edged with three inches of very fine lace. There was also a jacket style peignoir set in beige silk, collared and hemmed with rose feathers. Well that out to do nicely, she thought, taking all the items and quickly heading to her bedroom. Thankfully Jamie wasn’t there as she put all but the robe away in a drawer and took up their things for the bathroom.

She’d found candles in the nightstand earlier and had picked several sprigs of fragrant purple lilac clusters from the back garden along with a handful of honeysuckle before dinner in preparation for this precious time alone. She closed the door behind her, put out their towels, a washcloth in the shower, one by the clawfoot bathtub along with a safety razor and extra blade, her shampoo and conditioner. She found the bubble bath on the shelves next to the large shower and lit the three white taper candles, being careful with their placement. She stripped off all her clothes quickly and hung them near the shower to steam a bit there.

Nearly a religious experience taking a long soak and she felt tears spring to her eyes as she filled the tub. The soapy aroma of the bubbles blended with the heady scents of the flowers she laid on the rug next to the tub. They were the most calming things she had smelled in months. The tears fell freely as she unwrapped a fresh bar of Lux soap and carefully placed a toe in the water.

Bliss, was the only word she had. She spent five minutes just soaking with her eyes closed but realized that shaving and washing her hair were going to take up too much time if she wanted to be ready when Jamie finally came in. It amused her to think of what he might say to bare legs and oxters, something she was reasonably sure he had never seen. She hadn’t even taken up shaving until the war, when American Nurses had assured her it was all the rage and she hadn’t really missed it these past months but now that she could, she would.

She washed and conditioned her hair before letting all the water out and refilling the tub, placing the flowers in the water with her but no more bubbles were needed. The candles glowed hazily from near the shower, sink and end of the bathtub and she felt nearly hypnotized by them, the buoyancy, comfort and warmth.

Jamie came in quietly, closing the door behind him. He leaned back against her robe, she’d hung from a copper hook on it, and appeared not to know what to do next.

Claire laughed softly and told him to lock the door by sliding the bolt that was placed just above the handle. She stood up slowly and stepped out of the very warm water.

“Go ahead and undress Jamie. Do you want to shower or take a bath?”

The look on his face was enough to start her pulse racing. He was enchanted with her and the room, but there was a hunger in his eyes that nearly took her breath away. A slow smile spread across his wide full mouth and he stepped across the few feet separating them.

He lifted a finger to her nipple to catch a drop of water suspended there on his nail. He didn’t speak, just began unbuttoning his shirt in a careful manner. She pointed to the water in the bathtub saying, a bit breathlessly, “It’s quite large enough to fit us both you know, but the shower would likely be easier.”

She’d never done this with Frank. It hadn’t even occurred to her to ask it of him. One of the great blessings of carnal life with Jamie was that she had no reason for ever feeling a moment of shame. He would not have understood it if she had, nor would he have let her.

He removed the rest of his clothing while staring at her, letting it all drop to floor, and she took his hand and led him to the shower. Reaching in to turn on the taps, she felt his large hands come to rest on her waist from behind. He took her earlobe in his teeth and murmured lowly.

“You smell lovely mo chridhe, and your hair shines so, all ringlets, verra bonny.” Evidently quite moved if the thickening of his accent were the indicator.

She felt the warmth of him moments before she felt his wide chest press against her back and knew that she had done the right thing having him here by the firmness pressing lower down her spine. She was so happy to share this joy with him, it suffused her with another level of wet heat and she longed to take him deep.

She stepped into the shower and beckoned. “Let me wash your back Husband, while you experience a hot shower for the first time.”

“Tis like a heated waterfall with a water nymph behind me teasin’.” He laughed and turned around to face her, catching both her hands and pulling her into him hard. The water flowed over them both as they kissed with all the pent-up passion of the last twenty-four hours. It was the longest they’d gone yet without satisfying each other.

TO BE CONTINUED

#noir nocturne #Jamie and Claire in the 30s AUOutlanderNoir #outlander au

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