#but i think most of all i just wish to be myself. i wish my parents would call me my name. i wish i werent afraid 2 use it in front of them

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

To people who are like:

"dON'T wHISH tHE cONSEQUENCES oF tHEIR oWN fREE wILL aND cHOIC eON pEOPLE wHO:

Voted for Trump

Deliberately decided not to vote at all (thereby voting for trump, since if you don't vote you are still registered so you are supporting who ever has the most votes simply by existing)

Voted third party (In a two party system votig third party is a voice for the strongets party in this case Trump)"

I have to say

a) Thought crimes don't exist, anyone is allowed to wish anything on anyone

b) Those voters wanted to inflict the consequences of their own free desicions on everyone else, with horrible results, it is only fair to want them to suffer as well after all: Ignorantia juris non excusat

c) They will never help to undo what they have wrought, they already showed their true face, and their true face is that they either can not be arsed to do enough research to understand what they are voting for OR they do understand but have decided: “Vulnerable people should die for my ideology”

Look at all those blogs that told you they would not do damage control

Where are they now?

Are they helping?

Are they sharing resources and tips?

NO

They are being defensive that no one is gratefull about their sacrifice

They are pissed that peope are angry at them

Besides

Activism is not cold-calling.

SO why should you care about peopel that have already shown that they will not listen to you?

-> Someone pointed out that no one who has already decided how to vote wil chnage that opinio becasue of a stranger on the internet True But then why expect that stranger to show compassion and kindness? Go one stranger, laugh! You earned it!

Keep your comfort for people who did not bring this on to themslefes

They need it more

They will suffer just as much if not more, but they didn't even get whtathey wanted

Also

Also

One thing that I think is a fantastic way to prepare to help is to either begin or continue learning a language that you don't know. I am working hard on my Spanish because I live in California and there are a ton of Spanish speakers here who I might be able to help. Is it directly aiding anyone right at this second that I'm practicing conjugation? No. But it might help someone who is being harassed by a cop, or who is unhoused and needs help, or who is being abused by an employer at some point in the future, and I can get myself ready to help. Learn how to use naloxone and pick up up an inhaler; you might not need it now, but it'll make you ready to help someone who does need it. Order free covid tests every chance you get, even if you don't need them, because then you can give them out to people who do need them. Plan B has a multi-year shelf life. Pick some up so that you've got some on hand if someone needs it.

Also

Also

(Also, you can get 4 months of over the counter birth control (progestin-only pill form) at Costco for $50. Or 3 months on Amazon for about $45.)

Trump voters on tiktok are EXTREMELY mad about the following:

They just found out what tariffs are

They just found out what denaturalization is

They (particularly black and Hispanic trump voters) just found out that other trump voters are racist

Leftists and liberals don't want to be their friends (they are furious about this)

Leftists keep telling them they hope they get what they voted for (they are really mad about this too)

[bramblebeau]

Alright I told myself I wouldn't interact with fandom when s2 came out, and I haven't and don't plan to except to say this about people deciding Caitlyn is the Worst or that the writing is OOC.

As someone who has had a family member violently killed, I cannot stress how much it shakes up everything you thought you were and stood for. My beliefs in proportionate compassionate justice and the rights of all human beings are some of the strongest I have (stronger now because of the way that experience affected me personally), but they were pushed to the absolute limit when it came to an individual who had killed my loved one, showed no remorse, and laughed in our faces outside court, among other things.

People generally like to believe it wouldn't be them or their peace-loving family members being talked down from seriously considering violent revenge, consequences be damned. People like to believe they wouldn't lash out at people closest to them under that pressure, that they wouldn't build walls around the kindest and most sensitive parts of themselves because those parts are the ones feeling pain you never thought possible, that they wouldn't stalk the killer, make notes on all their family and friends, and fuck up their hands punching walls in anger wishing so badly it was flesh and bone because they can't handle the fact that there's no way to turn back time to stop it all from happening. People like to think they're "better" than that. But the reality is messy and painful as hell.

With Caitlyn, she has the added guilt of having actually had the opportunity to stop Jinx before she fired the rocket, but she hesitated just long enough for it to result in the deaths of her mother and other councillors and in the cities being plunged into chaos. Not only that, but the person close to her she's lashing out at is the person who caused her to hesitate, and just so happens to be the sister of the killer.

Furthermore, her behaviour is entirely in character. We have seen her set up as someone who becomes obsessed with achieving a goal and will do pretty much anything she wants to get there. In S1, we agreed with her methods because her goal was exposing and taking down Silco, and because it led to Vi being released. In S2, she's doing a similar thing but it's fuelled by fear and a type of pain she doesn't know how to deal with, rather than being fuelled by a need to prove herself and solve a case, and it leads to her making morally questionable decisions and to hurting Vi. She admits herself, albeit privately to Vi, that she does not know what she's doing and doesn't know how to fill this hole in her chest (and the hole in the city leadership). She has been sheltered from the real world for almost all her life, and as a result she has no experience of functioning or making decisions under this kind of pressure. The real world blew up in her face in the worst way and she was given power and a loaded rifle, and then shoved into an even more elevated position by a very experienced warlord who is manipulating the shit out of the whole situation.

I'm not saying that you have free rein to hurt people when you're grieving and facing extreme stress. (If you think that's what I'm saying then idk I'm not sure there's much hope for you in terms of critical thinking skills). What I'm saying is that Caitlyn is exhibiting pretty normal human behaviour that most people would be susceptible to in those circumstances, not the behaviour of someone who is some kind of heartless abusive bastard.

TLDR: Caitlyn is being written in a way that completely makes sense and is also not OOC, and if someone told me there would be no chance of them reacting in similar ways I simply would not believe them.

[galedekarios]

full credit for the video of this conversation goes to @/imgoinmental on x

if you turn emmrich into a lich, he cries alone in his room because he misses manfred:

davrin: emmrich. i think assan misses manfred i caught him in your room sniffing around, looking for him. emmrich: he's always in there searching for crumbs. davrin: no, he was whimpering. sad. emmrich: poor thing. davrin: when i was there looking for him... thought i heard someone else crying, too. emmrich: ah. davrin: i miss him, too. don't know what i'd do if i lost assan.

i want to gather my own thoughts here, too, a bit because this made me think more about The Decision(tm) and it's a heavy one: emmrich's entire life's work and his own fear of dying being put behind him (although not ever acknowledged or dealt with in a healthy manner) vs bringing back a companion, whom he had loved as a son and who gave his life for him.

personally, i think this, coupled with the reaction to rook's possible death in the final fight or even in the far away future as evidenced by the argument they have prior (both on the human and on the lich path, though i am only showing the lich path here as it is relevant to the discussion):

emmrich: i can see the life course through you, my love. like a thread of diamond flame. yet... emmrich: i will lose you to time, rook. what if i can't bear that for eternity? rook: that's the most romantic thing i've ever heard. emmrich: what? rook: remembering me forever? emmrich: i'm afraid i'll mourn you forever. rook: that's ridiculous. emmrich: do you think so little of what i feel for you? rook: no! emmrich: then you could act accordingly.

i also always think about this line by emmrich's parents' graves:

emmrich: lately, i've wondered what they'd think of our current course. the choices ahead. rook: your lichdom? emmrich: what would they have wanted me to be? rook: [option: never lonely/locks in romance]: happy with someone that cares for you.

the very first condition is that he must be able to let others go. he’s not nonchalant about his own death, not about manfred's, and not about rook's. he doesn't want to be alone.

i think in conclusion for myself, i came away from all of this very much believing that emmrich is not built for what lichdom requires of him and entails over the many, many centuries to come.

i wish the game offered more romance / character scenes to actually meaningfully address and discuss not only the argument with emmrich, but also his fear of dying.

(disclaimer: i want to clarify that these are just my own personaly thoughts. choosing lichdom is a valid path, depending on how you rp your rook, your backbackground and how you engage with emmrich. i am only looking at this through the lens of myself experiencing the game and emmrich's character.)

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

Loki got a lot of dialogue in 1131! The scans and the officials seem to have a lot of differences in how they translated things. And I’m curious what the original Japanese could be to get such variance.

The biggest difference seems to be on page 4. Loki says things like “But no man chooses to be chained. And I am no exception in this regard. I would rather be free.” in the official, but the scans say “Their intent wasn’t to merely catch me though. They wanted to sweep me under the rug! I’ve been praying for release ever since.”

He also says “I consider myself the strongest in all of Elbaph” in officials, and “I’m the pride of Elbaf’s immense strength” in scans. Which isn’t as big of a difference, but one implies a personal opinion and the other seems stated as fact.

Overall, Loki’s official dialogue makes him come off as, weirdly, a little more honest than the scans.

the official has it right. i think the scanlators were probably thrown off by the way that loki uses a few slightly unconventional phrasings in his dialogue; like the other line i posted about, this is another case of them being too literal.

the first line in the section you quote is だが誰も捕まることは望まねェし/daga daremo tsukamaru koto wa nozomanē shi., which the official translates correctly along the lines of "but no man wishes to be chained/captured." you can tell the official is right because the verb is passive (tsukamaru, 'to be caught') instead of active (which would be tsukamu, 'to catch').

the scanlators appear to have interpreted it as referring specifically to the desires of loki's captors (that they didn't want to (just) chain him up/catch him), when instead he's making a general statement about how no person wants to be in captivity.

the main word at issue in the second sentence is 漏れず/morezu. the verb 漏れる/moreru in its more literal sense means 'to leak out', and the zu conjugation means 'without doing ___.' so the scanlators interpreted this as a statement about the other giants wanting to not just lock loki up but suppress information about him ("without leaking (information)").

however, this is incorrect. moreru can also mean 'to be omitted' or 'to be excluded,' and in this grammatical context that's the meaning that makes more sense. so loki's statement is "i am not an exception (when it comes to not wanting to be chained up)", rather than "(they wanted to lock me up) without the information getting out."

for this other line, loki refers to himself as elbaf's number one/most 力自慢/chikarajiman, a word which means 'boasting of one's strength' (it's a combination of chikara, 'power', and jiman, 'pride/boast'). so it's a little awkward to translate no matter what, because the word implies both strength and pride about that strength. so something like 'i am the proudest of my strength in all of elbaf,' or something like that, seems more correct to me. since i haven't seen the word used in other contexts much, i'm not entirely sure what the best way to translate it would be.

[theepoetspoem]

I'm working with my therapist on independence

Hyper-independence, actually.

Where I actively avoid relying on others.

It makes for a paradoxically comfortable and uncomfortable life style.

I think

In theory

That being able to rely on someone could be beautiful

Could be soft

But I also think

That it's just not in the cards for everyone

She says I have to give people opportunities to fail

That I just might be surprised

I wish she were right

I wish that each time

It wasn't the same fucking result

But I have just never had that kind of pull or power or magic that makes others show up

I can't even show up for myself at times

I will feel the swell of tears.

But know it's not noon yet.

& I can't melt down during work.

I'll just have to suppress this & meltdown later

I have an anxiety attack that wakes me

But it's Wednesday

The only person I want to call

Can't talk to me on Wednesday mornings

I have a doctor's appointment

& we're going to talk about the growth of

my cyst

If surgery is needed

I'm scared

& truthfully... I don't want to go alone

But when I say that

I am reminded that

This is just something

that I should be able to do Alone

So when my therapist tells me

That I don't have to do everything on my own

That when I feel alone

I should think of all the people who love me

And who would show up for me if I needed them

I just nod

I don't want to say that I'm not like her

Or like most people

So I just say "not everyone is able to be there for me when I need them to be"

And watch as she smiles and tells me

To just give them an opp to see me in need

And I might be surprised

I hope someday

That I am surprised

What i would give

To be wrong

[evervigilantnightshade]

The Line - Part One

Reader and John have always straddled the line between playful flirting and taking things further. However when they are forced into a safe house and a secret comes out will they be able to save what they were heading for or is all lost.

Reader x John Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Laswell, Original characters.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, flirting, a bit of light smut. Death and killing on missions. Father of reader's death mentioned. It will get pretty angsty for a bit.

Authors note: I used to write on Tumblr in a different fandom for a long time and then left. Now I'm back under a different name and I hope you like what I have to say.

Y/N couldn’t remember a point in her life that wasn’t geared towards being in the military. It ran in her family, going back generations. Her father was one of the most famous marksmen spoken amongst anyone in service. He was made for combat and dreamed of having a son to follow in his footsteps. 

When his first child was born he held his wife’s hand and admired her strength as she delivered their addition to their family. The first moment he looked into Y/N’s eyes he fell madly in love, no longer caring about succession. All he wanted was happy, healthy children. He was then gifted with 4 more girls. 

As she grew up though Y/N showed vast interest in what her father did. Always asking questions, begging him to teach her how to shoot a gun. She kept herself in shape and made sure to do well in school. 

When she turned 15 she told her father she wanted to join the military when she turned 18. He sat for a while saying nothing and she started to feel a bit anxious. 

“Y/N sweetheart can I ask you why you want to join?” He finally spoke

She paused to think about her answer, wanting to convey exactly how she felt.

“It feels right. I want to do something with my life that matters, I want to feel like I’m a part of something bigger than myself. I see the camaraderie you have with the men in your unit and I want that too. It’s in my blood dad, just like it’s in yours.�� 

“You do understand that as a female it will be a long hard journey for you?” 

“If I work hard enough though and I’m a good soldier it shouldn’t matter though right?” 

“Oh sweetheart I wish for you that was true. However, almost all the time all they will see is that you're a girl and deem you less than themselves.” 

“Well I’ll just have to prove them wrong. And besides I won’t be doing it for them.” She said with determination in her voice. 

He sat for a bit longer and then reached over and put his hand on hers. 

“Whatever you need I’ll be there.” He said with a smile. 

“I want to do this on my own though.” She explained. “Not saying I don’t want you to be there for me. I just don’t want to rely on your reputation and the family name. I want to prove to myself and to you that I can do this.”

Her dad understood but was still worried for his daughter. 

She joined up at 18 just like she said she would and despite her determination her father had been right. It was hard for her, and there were times when all she wanted to was give up but that wasn’t in her. So she fought harder, trained longer and pushed herself to limits she didn’t even know she had. She was top of all her classes and was the best shooter on base. 

In fact she was so good that she was asked to join a special program in the UK for top marksmen. Again she pushed herself to the limit but it paid off. Her reputation sored and eventually she was recruited by Captain Price to join his team. The 141 became her brothers in arms and the family she always admired her father for. 

The last time she saw her dad he told her how proud he was of her. She did what she set out to do, all on her own skill and determination. He now felt that the part of him that wanted a successor was fulfilled in ways he could only have dreamed of. 

He died of a heart attack 6 months later and it destroyed Y/N.

Now a year later, Y/N was laying in the mud high above the target zone, the ever vigilant sniper. Ghost was positioned opposite her, giving them both a complete view of any threats that may arise and compromise the mission. 

This year had been rough for the 141. They had been chasing the same target that seemed to elude them no matter what they did. The target was a man named Bako, a once low-level member of a drug empire now turned kingpin. Using violence and betrayal he has taken out anyone or anything that has been in his way. He has plagued the team for far too long and has become an increasingly dangerous threat. 

After all the escapes, near misses and wrong information the team finally got confirmation that he would be here, at this warehouse, meeting with his high-level partners. The plan was to bring the building down on top of them all, ending this once and for all. 

Soap, Gaz and Captain Price were currently approaching the target area quietly in a small boat. Y/N watched through her scope as the three men climbed out of the boat and made their way quietly across a small patch of grass that separated the water from the warehouse. The first thing she noticed is that Price had switched out his usual bucket hat for a baseball cap. Y/N’s core clenched, remembering a deal they had made a few months back.

They had been on a hard mission that had kept them away from the base for three months. After they all had showered, slept, and decompressed Soap was convinced they all needed a good old fashion BBQ to let off some steam. Kate agreed so her wife and her decided to host at their place.

Ghost and Soap were sitting at the picnic table while Y/N sat on a chair in the sun, wearing a pair of shorts and a v neck white t-shirt, trying to get some colour on her unusually pale legs. Beside her Gaz was going on about a girl he had invited that he was excited about. Granted he had only spent one drunken night with her before their last deployment. 

“She’s smoking hot Y/N, and smart.” 

Y/N glanced up over at him, shielding her eyes from the sun despite wearing sunglasses. 

“And you're sure about this one? Cause the last girl you were seeing went a bit crazy when you had to leave on missions. She called the Mexican embassy trying to find you. We weren’t even in Mexico.” Y/N reminded him

“Or what about the girl who was convinced you were sleeping with Bells and then tried to pull her hair out at the bar?” Soap chimed in and Y/N reached up and rubbed the side of her head.

“Took me by surprise. She was lucky I wasn’t armed.” 

“Yeah or that one…” Ghost started but Kyle interrupted him. 

“This one is different. I have a good feeling about her.” He smiled at them and Y/N felt a bit bad for him. 

“I’m sure she’s lovely Gaz.” 

He nodded at her looking proud. She chuckled thinking about the ways Ghost would intimidate her without even trying. 

“Ahhh good times” she mumbled and was about to take a swig of her beer when she froze the bottle half way to her lips. 

Price had just walked in wearing form fitting jeans, a slightly tight, black shirt and an army green baseball hat. He looked fucking amazing. Y/N bit her bottom lip and shook her head. 

Beside her Gaz waved his hand in front of her face and she looked up to see him, Ghost and Soap all looking at her, grinning.

“You ok there Bells?” Ghost grunted smugly.

“Fuck off” Y/N said with a grin despite being slightly embarrassed at getting caught drooling over their Captain. “And in this moment, if you're going to use my call sign, use the whole thing, dickhead.”

“Apologies Belladonna” Ghost said and then raised his beer which Y/N reciprocated. 

She took a long sip of her beer to wash down the heat that was creeping up her neck as well as creeping downwards. 

After putting his beer in the cooler, Price grabbed one and headed over to the group and nodded at them hello. Everyone either nodded back or mumbled a hello. 

“You four are unusually quiet.” Price said reaching over and using the picnic table to pop the cap off his beer. 

“We were just asking Bells…” Soap started but Y/N interrupted. 

“We were actually just talking about the new girl Gaz invited to the BBQ.” 

“You invited a girl here?” Price said and then chuckled. “Is this one, mentally stable at least?” 

Y/N got up, deciding to grab another beer, making a point to walk by Soap and smack him on the back of the head causing Ghost’s shoulders to shake while he silently chuckled. 

Price glanced over at Y/N while Gaz started telling him about his new girl. 

He almost fully turned around to watch as she bent over to grab her beer out of the cooler but then stopped himself. 

“Damn those are some dangerous shorts” He thought to himself and felt his jeans becoming a little tighter. 

He turned back at Gaz who was just staring at him. 

“Jesus Christ, the two of you.” Gaz shook his head and then walked over to talk to Kate. 

Price went over and sat at the picnic table. 

“What’s he on about now?” Price asked and Soap and Ghost exchanged glances. 

“No clue sir.” Ghost said, not wanting to be the one to point out the obvious.

The conversation naturally flowed then into football and the comment was forgotten. About an hour that consisted of chit chat and laughs, Kyle’s new girl showed up with a friend. 

Immediately Y/N got a bad feeling about them. 

Nancy was perfectly manicured, with her makeup and hair done up a bit much for a backyard BBQ. She had on a pair of white capris with a blue sleeveless blouse and wedges. Her friend looked like a copy and paste version of her. 

“Hey everyone,” Gaz announced to the group. “This is Nancy and her friend Becca.” 

For an awkward moment, no one said anything or made a move to introduce themselves to the girls. It was Kate that broke the silence and walked over. 

“Nice to meet you two. I’m Kate. Kyle has told us all so much about you Nancy.” 

“Awe he’s just the best isn’t he?” Nancy said, grabbing on to Gaz’s arm. 

“We certainly think so.” Kate said with a forced smile. “Do you girls want a drink? We have beer in the cooler.” She gestured over to the cooler on the deck. 

“Oh we don’t actually drink beer.” Becca said with her nose scrunched up. 

“Yeah we are wine girlies.” Nancy said in a playful tone.

“Um ok, yeah we have some wine in the house. Do you prefer white or red?” Kate asked. 

“Definitely white.” Nancy said looking over at Becca who nodded. “Yeah we’ll take white.” 

Beside Y/N she heard Ghost mumble “Gods give me strength.” Which caused her to smile. 

She then looked over at Price who was looking at her with a grin on his face and she grinned back. 

“You better go introduce yourself Cap. You are the leader of the team after all.” Y/N teased and he cocked his head at her with an amused look on his face. 

“Only if you come with me.” He retorted and Y/N laughed 

“You’d have a better chance of convincing Ghost to join you.” 

“Don’t even ask sir.” Ghost said, getting up and walking in the opposite direction of the girls just to be sure.

“Go on then.” Y/N sighed and stood up motioning at the girls.

Price stood up and then smacked Soap lightly on the shoulder. 

“You too Soap.”

He groaned but stood up reluctantly.  

“Play nice you two.” He warned and they made their way over to where they were standing.

Gaz’s face lit up seeing them approach.

“Nancy, this is my Captain.” He said proudly. 

Price smiled back and then extended his hand.

“Pleasure to meet you.”

“Oh Captain! That’s a fancy title.” Nancy said and then placed her hand in Price’s facing downward as if expecting him to kiss the back of her hand.

Instead he awkwardly shook her hand while holding on to the ends of her fingers.

“Call me John.” 

“And this is Johnny and Y/N.” Gaz said motioning to where her and Soap were standing.

Nancy looked over at them and then stuck her hand out the same way to Soap, while completely ignoring Y/N

“So many handsome men on your team.” Nancy said while looking over at Becca who was shaking Price’s hand.

“I agree.” Becca said with a smile. 

Y/N rolled her eyes and then turned around without saying a word, walking over to Ghost.

“How was that?” He asked and she just knew he was grinning under his black surgical mask.

“When Gaz makes his way over to you for introductions, and he will, do me a favour and scare them enough so they leave yeah?” 

Ghost chuckled beside her.

“You a bit jealous there Bells?” 

Y/N looked over at Becca who was currently squeezing Soap's bicep.She watched as Price took a slight step back to avoid the same treatment. 

“Got no reason to be.” She said with a satisfied smirk. 

“Because you’re pretty confident those girls aren’t Price’s cup of tea?” 

“Why would that matter to me? He’s a single man who is extremely good looking, and has a nice… everything.” She let out a sign at the last word causing Ghost to audibly laugh. 

“Oh love you got it bad.” But then his voice turned serious.  “Hope you know what you’re doing.” He said cautiously. 

“What does that mean?” She said a slight frown forming on her face.

“Just don’t want ya to get hurt is all.” He said with a shrug.

She took a second to swallow the lump in her throat and then plastered on a fake smile.

“Hey you know what I always say. Can't get hurt if you don’t catch feelings.”

“So it’s purely physical then?” He asked, turning now to face her.

“Of course.” She replied but they both knew she was lying. 

“Y/N…” he started but he was interrupted by Gaz calling out to him.

“Well, it looks like it’s your turn.” she said relieved as she slowly turned and started making her way over to Kate. 

“Don’t you fucking leave me.” Ghost hissed 

“Sorry I think Kate’s calling me, I think she needs help with the grill.” Y/N called over her shoulder and then laughed. 

“You know there are people out there who are scared of me.” He called out after her

“And I’m not one of them!” She called back.

Y/N watched out of the corner of her eye as Nancy and Becca were introduced to Ghost and he made no movement to reach out and take their limp hands. 

When they started grilling him about his surgical mask he stayed silent but when Becca reached over and squeezed his arm, telling how beautiful his eyes were, it was his breaking point and he turned and walked away without a word. Y/N heard Gaz say something about Ghost being shy and Becca giggled.

“I guess we’ll just have to break him out of his shell.” She said in a high pitched voice.

“Ok food is ready!” Kate called out 

Y/N was disappointed because she really wanted to see Becca try. 

They all sat down and ate the amazing food, constantly complimenting Kate and her wife saying it was one of the best meals they had had in a long time. 

After eating everyone was lounging around patting their full bellies. Price was sitting behind Y/N in one of the chairs smoking a cigar and talking to Kate. 

Becca and Nancy approached Y/N who was currently tidying up the picnic table. 

“Hey, you’ve been avoiding us.” Nancy said slurring slightly while pointing her finger at Y/N 

“Have I?” Y/N said, mocking her playful tone.

“You have, but that’s ok. I’m sure we’re going to be great friends eventually. Now we wanted to ask which one of these guys do you belong to?” 

Behind them Price and Kate halted their conversation to pay attention to what was happening now in front of them.

“I don’t belong to anyone.” Y/N answered with gritted teeth.

“Oh don’t be like that, you know what I mean. Which one is yours? We don’t want to be stepping on any toes here. We’re trying to find a match for Becca.” 

“I figured that much.” Y/N replied tensely.

“Yeah, being a soldier's wife would be so cool! And like they’re never home but you get all this respect for serving your country. How great is that?!” 

Y/N was about to tear into her but she felt a hand grab hers. 

“Watch it love. We wouldn’t want to ruin Laswell’s lovely BBQ would we?” Price whispered in her ear and closed her eyes, suddenly very aware of how close he was. 

She clenched her jaw when he let go of her hand and went back over towards Laswell, but remained within grabbing distance. 

“Oh perfect, you’re with the old man! He wasn’t even on our list of candidates!” Nancy said excitedly. 

“Not on your list?” Y/N said, her voice slightly raised “He should be on the top of that list!” 

“I mean we totally get it, for you he is but he’s just like not our type.” Nancy replied and Becca nodded.

“Oh but he’s a Captain! You must have amazing benefits! Especially like that death one.” Becca started and Y/N lunged. 

Before she could reach the girls though an arm wrapped around her waist and picked her up dragging her towards the house. Behind her she could hear Nancy and Becca still talking.

“What’s her deal?” 

“No clue, let’s go talk to that scary one again. I bet he’s hot under that mask.” 

She was struggling to get back out to the yard when Price finally put her down in the kitchen. 

“Let me go back out there. I promise not to kill them.” Y/N said while pacing the kitchen, Price was now blocking her only way out. “Just maim them a bit.”

“Hmmm” Price grunted, standing with his arms crossed in that way that Y/N loved. His fingers tucked under his arms, his thumbs pointed up and his hips jutting out. But she didn’t notice, she was too mad. 

“Death benefits! Death benefits. She’s talking about fucking death benefits like it’s the lottery.” Y/N went off still pacing. “They’re just out there looking to sucker one of you into marrying them so they can get your fucking benefits.” 

“Not me.” Price said amused. “I’m not on their list” 

“Yeah that’s another thing, not on their list. How can they look at you and not want you?” 

“Well,” Price said,walking over to Y/N and standing in front of her causing her to stop pacing. “I’m on your list and that’s all that matters to me.” 

Y/N blushed and then smiled slyly.

“And am I on yours?” 

He started slowly walking towards her and she was taking small steps backwards until she was against the kitchen sink. He leaned over and put his left hand on the counter beside her. 

“You are the whole list.” he said quietly and then grabbed the bottom hem of her shorts, his knuckles brushing against the skin of her thigh. “Especially in these.” 

Y/N felt her skin tingle and heat up but also felt a nervousness in her chest. They had never been this close to stepping over the line that separated play and real. Ghost’s words echoed in her mind “Don’t want you to get hurt.” A slight frown formed on her lips and immediately Price started to back up. 

“Sorry, that was too…”  He started but Y/N grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him back. 

“Don’t you dare.” 

He looked down at her lips and then further down before looking back into her eyes. 

“Are you sure this is what  you want? Because we have been playing this game for quite a while and once we cross that line I don’t think I could ever go back.” 

He moved his knee in between her legs and she let out a soft moan as she rocked her hips forward against it. 

“Does that answer your question?” She asked, flattening her hand on his chest and slowly moving it downward. 

“God woman.” He hissed and was about to slam his lips down onto hers when they heard Gaz calling out his name. 

“Fuck.” Y/N cried out and slipped out from in front of Price who moved forward, pretending to be doing dishes. 

Gaz walked into the kitchen and looked at the two of them confused. 

“What’s going on?” He asked looking over at Price who wouldn’t turn around. 

“Nothing, we’re not doing anything?” Y/N replied quickly 

“Dishes” Price added behind her. 

“Yeah dishes. We’re doing dishes.” She then picked up a dish towel to sell the story. 

“Ok… well Nancy came up to me and said that you were acting weird and looked like you were mad at her.” 

“Right, that.” Y/N sighed, relaxing slightly. “Gaz I want you to look at me and listen to what I’m saying alright? Hard no on Nancy.”

“What? But..” He sputtered but Y/N grabbed him by the shoulders. 

“Gaz she was talking about death benefits and how you’ll never be around. She may be nice looking on the outside but on the inside she is ugly.” 

Gaz sighed and then looked out towards the backyard. 

“Could I just enjoy the outside for a bit before I send her packing?” 

“NO!”  Y/N and Price said in unison. 

“Fine. I’ll get her out of here.” His head fell and he made his way back outside. 

Price stepped away from the sink and Y/N handed him the dish towel to dry his hands. She stood still facing away from him, her hands on her hips with her head down. 

“We should get back out there.” She sighed and then looked up at the ceiling. 

Behind her even though she couldn’t see him, Price nodded. 

They were silent for a moment and Y/N felt his hand rest lightly on her hips and leaned over to whisper in her ear. 

“Wear those shorts again for me sometime?” 

“John,” She said quietly and he pushed his hips into her with a moan, hearing her say his name. “You wear that hat again and you’ll see me in a lot less.” 

He groaned and nipped at her ear. They stood there for a minute and then John reluctantly let her go. 

“Ok we really need to go out back.” She said turning around to see John trying to adjust himself. 

“You go, I'm going to need a few minutes here.” 

After that they got busy at work with missions, training, paperwork and stakeouts that took over their lives and they hadn’t had a chance to be alone once. John went back into Captain mode and it was starting to feel like the BBQ was just a fever dream Y/N had. She spent many nights thinking about that moment and what could have come next. It was driving her to the point of insanity.  

But now, seeing John in that hat, she knew that he was suffering just as much as she was. 

“I guess a deal is a deal, Cap.” Y/N said into the coms quietly. 

Price looked up at her direction, smirked, nodded and gave her a quick wink causing her core to clench.

“Eyes on the prize here folks.” Ghost said in the coms. ”I want to get this over and done with.” 

“Roger that.” The rest of the team replied. 

-------------------------------------------------

Alright let me know what you think. I live off feedback. Should I continue? This is my first fic up so I’m going to need a little encouragement to start posting again.

[junktastic]

Hi everynyan,

Some of you will remember that I was taking names/addresses to send out free stickers in September. I am almost done sending them out now, so here's a quick update on that.

The Good!

I like this a lot! It's fun to do. For reference, I'm printing, laminating, and cutting these myself at home, so I'm learning a lot about my machine. I like being in charge of the quality control, I like doing the logistic work. Idk. It's fulfilling to me.

It's also really delightful to see names on the list who I've known of for a long time. Old and new faces, people all over the world, I love seeing people adopt a catgirl. :3 And for free! I'm by no means making a lot, but being able to provide something fun and physical to the people who enjoy my art for free is just! Wow!

The Bad!

Everything that could have gone wrong during this process did, which is why they're going out so late. The at-home manufacturing process was relatively simple but the materials kept being funky, or I'd do something wrong, so I'd have to toss something that I'd completely fucked up, OR I'd just miscount how much stuff material I had left. It's been a pain in the butt, so I'm glad it's done and that I've learned so much from it. I ALMOST FORGOT, I DESTROYED ONE CUTTING MAT MAKING THAT ROGER STANDEE FOR MY WEDDING LOL SO I HAD TO SPEND TIME CONDITIONING THE NEW CUTTING MAT! UGH!

There's also: the money. I know it's gauche to talk about it, but doing this was pretty expensive. I live in Canada now, and most of the letters were going out of Canada, so that postage added up. Materials cost, time, it's a pretty good chunk of change, but I didn't go broke so I want to do it again.

The Other?

I definitely want (and plan) to do this again very soon. I'm talking within this month. I'm making Christmas cards! I've already set money aside for this so it's all good, and it involves less at-home manufacturing since I can just reach out to a local print shop.

I know some people were wary of the google form, but I can't really find a better alternative at this time. MailChimp has had at least one major information leak in 2024 alone, so I am not sure where else to turn for collecting addresses at this time. I had a few people who did not give me towns/zip codes, and the street address would have three or four towns in that state alone with that address. Since I didn't collect e-mail addresses, I didn't have any way to reach out to entrants about this. If you don't see your sticker in the next few weeks, this might be why! I also plan on adding a checkbox just to confirm that the person requesting the sticker is over 18, NOT because I plan on sending anything saucy, but I know what it's like to be a teen with parents who open you mail, an I don't want to cause problems for anyone because Mom and Dad think fairies are satanic or something.

Most people I've talked to about all of this have really emphasized that I need to reopen my Patreon. I'm not saying anybody is wrong on this, but it just makes me feel so uncomfortable. I think anyone who's followed me for a while has seen me try and fail to do art full time or, hell, even have a schedule for something, and I've failed every time. I'm so scared of failing people again. How can I ensure that I'm producing things on time, to a standard I am happy with, that anyone willing to support me (in this economy?) would also be happy with? It will probably happen, but I'm just so... Plus, with all honesty, I have a commission backlog that I need to finish first! I'm bad at the business part of this whole thing, I think. I'm a blue-collar labourer in my heart.

That's my update! I wish you all well, please stay safe and take care of yourself and those around you. I'll post again when I'm collecting addresses for the Christmas cards.

[ganondoodle]

i have seen people talk about how hard it is to draw anything if you have aphantasia (which is good to talk about and true and valid and also intersting to read and this post isnt to devalue that, two things can coexist etc etc)

i personally struggle with the opposite; i have incredible imagination, i'd say it's my best and only "inate talent", (this is not a brag ..) all stories i think about are movies, i can stop them, change camera angle and poses, rotate ever object however i want, place lighting sound and voices, even styles, i switch from ghibli to botw to fortiches style, even into the style of a comic i recently read which wasnt even animated, the only thing that only works half the time is music-

and that all might sound fantastic, but its a mess, it goes too fast and too quickly, things never play out one way, theres interruption, involuntarily sudden changes to other subjects, i feel like struggling to keep an angry horse on one path, it makes me waste HOURS each day just reversing and redoing a scene like im a movie director wizard in my head, theres no ONE finished version, it changes everytime yet i go back over and over again to make it better, i forget most of it within a few hours anyway; even IRL when someone tells me about a memory and they are not sure if i was with them during it once they start to explain trying to make me remember it instead i will imagine it, in the end i wont be sure if i actually remembered or if i just imagined it too real, it scares me how much i forget and cant remember only for my mind to make shit up, makign me doubt my own memory (its weird how it works, i have horrible geographical memory, when i drive somwhere i have known my entire life i need to remember the path to it by imagining driving it, i remember significant things but not the path to them or how they connect or in what order, i have to go through it in my head every single time)

by far the worst part though is that extreme disconnect between whats in my mind and what i can do, just because i can imagine things like that doesnt mean i can draw it (god i WISH), nothing i have ever drawn is how it was in my head, the few things you get to see are the ones i won the fight against myself with to keep going and say 'good enough' at some point the speed is a problem too, the things playing in my head, sometimes even multiple at the same time, play like, again, a movie, whatever im trying to draw is rarely ONE thing, its a whole scene that plays over and over, i want to draw it all but it wont work bc my mind is too fast and i am too slow, it makes me try to skip ahead and get things done as fast as possible, it NEVER works (also too much, theres so many things in my head, i have almost the entirety of the totk rewrite in my head already, novels worth of lore and story for my other projects, its overwhelming how much is in there that i cannot get out and on paper)

its why comics take me so long to make, why detailed paintings are so rare, its the rare times i can force myself to try and tune out my mind and just work on what is in front of me, usually works for a few hours .. if i can manage to reach that sort of focus at all, its why basic sketches of characters are so much easier to do bc i dont have to fight as hard to just draw a character doing nothing- as soon as i want to make it a sketch page of things and scenes the movies are back and are there to haunt me until i cry and give up after hours of trying to keep up with my mind that i will never be able to catch up to (and this is only about drawing .. )

i know skill and speed increase over time, but i wont ever get to where my mind is, its always ahead and trying to skip and jump towards it only makes me stumble and fall flat on my face- maybe its ADHD, maybe its the autism, maybe its the depression, maybe its just me, maybe its just all of that

what im trying to say is, head full, too much thought, too fast, never able to translate it into viewable things in the way and speed as my head works, i explode

[otomehonyaku]

DIABOLIK LOVERS More,Blood Stellaworth Complete Set Tokuten Short Stories ☽ Ruki ver.

Original title: DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE,BLOOD ステラワース全巻連動購入特典ショートストーリ English translation by @otomehonyaku Scans can be found here (courtesy of @karleksmumskladdkaka!)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

SUMMARY | This short story provides a slice of Ruki and Yui's daily life after the events of More,Blood. Ruki has always had a preference for soup, but when Yui prepares a particularly hearty vegetable soup for him one day, he comes to an important realisation.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

—The first time I learned to appreciate soup was when I was in that dark cage.

“It had already gone cold, but to me, it was the most delicious thing on Earth back then. It was infinitely better than the junk I ate while I roamed the streets, after all.”

“Oh…”

Somehow, as I ate the soup she had prepared for me, I had somehow started talking about all the reasons why I had this particular preference for the dish. The story had stolen the words right from her mouth.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have brought up such an unpleasant story during dinner.”

“That’s… that’s not it,” she explained, hurrying to wipe the tears from her eyes. That’s not what I meant…”

“Do you pity my past self?”

“Pity kind of feels like… a high-handed way of putting it. I don’t mean it like that…”

“I see.” My voice was monotonous while I spoke. 

I took up my spoon again and continued to eat. 

It was a simple consomme soup, filled with colourful slices of a variety of vegetables. The soup that we were served during our time in the detention facility was a far cry from this. Back then, the few off-coloured beans that floated in the soup, though they barely had any nutritional value, were enough to bring me at least an inkling of happiness. 

While the memory resurfaced, it occurred to me that I had obtained true happiness since then, no matter how absurd it seemed.

“And to think a human would accompany me at dinner…” I mumbled to myself, earning a surprised look and a soft what did you say? from her. 

It’s nothing, I swiftly replied.

My life was saved by Him. The four of us had been destined to die a noble death in that filthy cell, and yet He had rescued us. Just like that, he became our god. Our saviour.

Someone to serve.

My brothers and I would do anything to fulfil his wishes without batting so much as an eye. And yet… What was I even doing right now?

I let her make soup for me like this. She willingly stayed with me all this time, even though she cannot become Eve. Even though I cannot become Adam.

“Ruki…?”

As we sat in silence, various thoughts stirring inside of me and picking at my resolve, I reached across the table to take her hand in my own.

“...?”

“Sorry. Would it be alright… if we stayed like this for a little while?” I said, my grip on her small, soft hand tightening. 

Greed is a grave sin according to God. 

Considering that I agreed with Him, I was awfully addicted to this greed all the same. I was the sinner of all sinners, thriving on such atrocities. When a simple bean soup was all it took to please you, the first taste of a good vegetable soup makes it easy to take such happiness for granted.

“Still, I will…” 

Never let you go, I wanted to say, but I could not manage the words. She likely did not want to listen to the mutterings of such a weak, pitiable man.

It was difficult to gauge her thoughts, but it was then that she spoke with a gentle smile on her face. “Don’t worry.”

“What?”

“I’ll be by your side, Ruki.”

My eyes unconsciously widened in response. Her soft smile made my chest ache. She was Eve and I was her captor—she should be miserable, and yet she was so extraordinarily kind. 

Did she not realise that it would only add to my suffering?

“Alright,” I replied curtly. Then, ever so unwillingly…  I let go of her hand. “The soup is getting cold. Let’s eat.”

“Yes, let’s.”

After that, we ate the soup together in silence. 

I found myself thinking there was nothing in the world that I wanted more in that moment. No matter how lavish a meal I would be served, I would cherish this vegetable soup as my favourite dish for as long as I lived.

[marronje]

Hey hey guys I'm not dead yay how ya been here?

I just had some rest and studied a bit

I mentioned that my ear drawing skills suck so I practiced a bit, my skills still suck but at least I understand how the thing works

It looks silly, btw I wrote about it a little, here it is:

ears! so delicate, whimsical, with thin ridges and fascinating shapes! how intricately light catches on them! I personally find ears one of the most fascinating and aesthetic parts of human body. and everyone has their own unique shape of ears, it sooo intriguing to study photos of different people. you think some for works like this, get used to the idea of drawing it one way and BAM – some actual person has it not like this at all

I wish I did this earlier

And! I did a little expression drawing experiment, of course with my baby Toga

The first attempt was with using manga panels as a reference, the second one (the pic on the right) is fixing what I had (proportions mostly) without using references at all. So I figured out my problem with references – when I use them I tend to just copy what I see, and when I don't my brain starts functioning and thinking about the structures finally (but the features become realistic and lose part of the intended emotion)

an enlightening experience (◍•ᴗ•◍)

This Himiko is my favorite, she reminds me of myself (goofy-mischievous-plotting)

[tomorrowxtogether]

BEOMGYU: “I realized just how much love I have for performing onstage”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Star Chapter: SANCTUARY comeback interview

2024.11.12

BEOMGYU says he spent the time he was out with an injury falling even deeper in love with the stage. Clearly, the idol draws on hardship to propel himself forward: Even as he talks about the hard times, a humble smile flashes across his face as he adds, “but it’s okay.” BEOMGYU—who knows that “sometimes you stumble, it’s fine”—knows what it takes to get back on his feet.

Season two of Workout ZZANG is really entertaining, just like season one. You seem really comfortable doing variety shows now. You’re really in your element! (laughs)  But you’ve also said that you’re not usually so energetic. BEOMGYU: Workout ZZANG is a physically demanding show. I figured out during the first season that people find it funnier when I’m really struggling. You can just tell by looking at the view count—the episodes where I have the hardest time always got the most views. (laughs) I realized not to play it safe and that I need to put in as much effort as possible. And I think my genuine love of the show makes that possible. I mean, it’s got my name on it. I really love how you’re always quick to make your guests feel welcomed, too. BEOMGYU: Because I’m playing host to them on my own show. (laughs) I thought a lot about how to approach them without making it awkward. I couldn’t do a total deep dive on them, but I tried to be plenty familiar with them. I even watched other variety shows they’d been on to see what kind of things they like to do. HUENINGKAI made a surprise appearance, too. BEOMGYU: It was great to have someone I have perfect back-and-forth with on. He was great at coming up with these quips, probably from filming so much content, like TO DO X TXT. He was a lot of fun. Oh, and the aerobics episode was exhausting, and even though it was really hot and Huening gets hot easily, he was really active during it, which I was grateful for. I was laughing, watching that episode by myself when we were in the US and I showed it to him and said, “Hey, this one’s really funny.” (laughs)

You talked before about the pressure you feel to be good on variety shows. Do you find you’re able to enjoy it a bit more now? BEOMGYU: I was worried right from when we first debuted about what special thing I could do or role I could play to contribute to the group. Thanks to doing Workout ZZANG, I think I’ve established myself as the one who’s good at doing variety shows. I was really grateful they called me back to make a second season, and I could feel that I’ve grown a lot from it. My friends I hadn’t heard from in ages suddenly contacted me to say, “Hey, this is really funny,” and the rest of the group said the same thing and wished me the best with it. I felt really proud—like I was being acknowledged.

In contrast to your overflowing energy when you’re on variety shows, the very calmest side of you comes out when you do BEOMEDIO. BEOMGYU: Part of it’s about showing what I’m like at three in the morning, but the best part is getting to read what MOA sends in. Reading their stories let me visualize and indirectly experience things I haven’t experienced myself. I read them all through quickly and thoroughly before going live. There’s a whole lot of people who write really beautifully. (laughs) A lot of times I feel like I understand them so well that I get choked up reading them. And I’m always thankful for the ones that end with, “I love you, BEOMGYU.”

You said on BEOMEDIO, “When it comes to sharing happiness, the person doing the sharing doesn’t end up with less, and it fills the hearts of the people who receive it, too.” If you could share one thing that made you happy recently, what would it be? BEOMGYU: Honestly, this year’s been filled with a lot of good experiences. I’m making an effort to find happiness even in the smallest things now. There were minor things, like when we had our “Deja Vu” comeback, I felt great because the outfits were beautiful. I helped write the lyrics for two tracks on the latest album, and that made me extremely happy. (laughs) And I’ve been incredibly happy going to my favorite artists’ concerts and doing our own. I’d say there was more happiness than sadness this year.

Even though it’s been a year full of happiness, there was also a painful period for you because of an injury. I can guess how tough that was for you considering you were crying at the end of the concert. BEOMGYU: It was really hard for me mentally. That was right when I was deep into my work. We had this great schedule lined up, and as things started to fall apart, it felt like my mental state fell apart with it. And when we were at the Tokyo Dome, I thought, We’re at this place with this huge audience and I can’t even perform? It killed me. On the other hand, though, it also had a positive impact on me in a way. That was my first time watching the other members perform from offstage, and I could see how amazing and impressive they were. The place was packed, and hearing them cheer, I was like, I’m doing something really amazing—I’m working with some really amazing people. I found it really motivating.

Didn’t it also make you think about how you’re just as amazing when you’re up on that stage? (laughs) BEOMGYU: I thought, I can absolutely slay when I’m onstage, too! (laughs) I think the others were amazing and put on an absolutely flawless performance as just the four of them, but I have certain ways of expressing myself and there’s some breathtaking parts that only I can do, you know? I thought, I don’t even care if my foot gets more broken—I just wanna be onstage. I took performing onstage for granted, but as soon as I wasn’t able to, I realized just how much love I have for it. All the rest of them carried you around when you got hurt at the Tokyo Dome. BEOMGYU: It was really reassuring to me and I was so grateful to them, but in a way I also felt really sorry. When a concert’s coming towards the end, we’ve already used up so much energy that just standing by itself can be hard by that point. I realize how hard it was for them to carry me around under those circumstances.

You said “We’ll Never Change” is the TOMORROW X TOGETHER song that made you cry the most. The practice period for it overlapped with when you were injured. BEOMGYU: It was when we had already learned all the choreo for Japan and were about to start practicing for “We’ll Never Change.” I couldn’t learn any of it because of my injury and was just staying in my room. But I said, “I really want to go to Japan. I want to sing, even if I have to sit,” and I sat in for lessons for the live performance. I felt sort of insignificant sitting at the back just singing while all the other members were dancing, and I felt terrible. I shed a tear or two at the back, but I doubt they would know that. (laughs)

I remember you said you were disappointed that your injury kept you from making the people who came to your concerts into total MOA. It’s really admirable how passionate you’ve always been about converting people into fans. BEOMGYU: I’m in it for the long run. There’s still so much I want to accomplish. Celebrities like BTS, IU, or DAY6 feel like celebs’ celebs. I feel like you have to see them in concert at least once in your life, and I want to receive recognition from my fellow artists and be the kind of person that they want to see in concert, too. I take pride in the quality of our concerts. (laughs) I used to think accomplishments didn’t matter all that much. I thought, as long as MOA’s happy and I’m happy, that’s enough, and that it’s better just to be nice and happy, but lately I feel driven to do even better anyway. (laughs) You showed off your guitar skills at this year’s Weverse Con Festival, which you practiced for until you got blisters on your fingers. Did that come from the same drive? BEOMGYU: It was no easy task. (laughs) I kept up my lessons online when we were in the US and even gave up my vacation to keep learning and practice. I love playing guitar, but it isn’t my specialty. Lots of people are pros at it so I was worried about the thought of me going up onstage and playing it, but I decided to just go for it. It’s difficult to master anything, and practice was the only way for me to make it happen. MOA loved it in the end, so I was proud. (laugh)

You’ve been going to see a lot of other artists perform lately. How does it feel being in the audience after being the one onstage? BEOMGYU: Watching things purely from a fan perspective showed me how joyful the concertgoing experience can be. One time I went to IU’s concert, and sitting in the audience at that huge venue and watching her, I felt how amazing a thing it is to be a fan of somebody and show them your love. I became determined to give MOA not just 100% but 150 or 200% at our concerts. (laughs)

The last track on your new album, The Star Chapter: SANCTUARY, is called “Higher Than Heaven,” and it feels like it perfectly captures TOMORROW X TOGETHER and MOA’s connection, especially the part where you go, “I’ll hold onto eternity, our names / Let’s dream of an endless tomorrow together.” BEOMGYU: I thought those lyrics were absolutely wonderful. “Let’s dream of tomorrow together” sounds so romantic. Since we’re in our sixth year now, I think it’s time we focus on the future more than the past. What I want now is to keep looking toward the future with the other members and with MOA—to see them there tomorrow.

The part where you go, “What you doin’ to me?” in ‘Danger’ is a real standout. It felt like you were using a voice we haven’t heard from you before. BEOMGYU: I practically insisted that the producer give that part to me. (laughs) I said, “I promise I’ll kill this part,” and that clinched it for me. When I was recording it, I had to get the pronunciation and nuance to work together, and do it all in a really deep voice, so it was kind of hard. I couldn’t get the tone right when I looked alert and ready, so I tried making a pose like someone who’s about to start a fight—stuffing my hands in my pockets, tilting my head slightly—and sang it that way. And then I was able to really bring out the right feeling. (laughs) You’ve said before that sometimes a song doesn’t feel quite right until you’ve heard the group singing it, and then it sounds better. Are there any songs on this album that were like that? BEOMGYU: “Forty One Winks.” It’s actually my top pick—I loved it right from the start, in fact. (laughs) I always connect more with the songs after I hear them with the group’s vocals. The demo versions are good, but it really feels like a TOMORROW X TOGETHER song when you hear it with our vocals. You mentioned you were happy to write lyrics for two of the new songs. What was that process like? BEOMGYU: It wasn’t anything special. (laughs) I find it’s best to write lyrics as the thoughts naturally come to you and not overthink it. I worked on “Resist (Not Gonna Run Away)” while we were touring. I was writing like crazy on a three-hour trip to a ryokan in Japan and I think the lyrics came out well.

You said before that you tend to have an ear for what people generally like. How did you feel when you first heard the single “Over The Moon”? BEOMGYU: At first I thought it was good but not lead-single good, but I fell in love with it once I heard it with the group’s vocals. It’s got a feeling that can’t be described in just one word. It’s not just, This one’s upbeat! Or, What a tough image! It’s got a little bit of this and that and everything in it. It feels like “one of our songs” or “TOMORROW X TOGETHER-ish.” (laughs)

You truly have a deep affection for the group. During YEONJUN’s first solo promotions, all the other members sent him a coffee truck and repeatedly visited in person to support him. BEOMGYU: It was the first solo work for any TOMORROW X TOGETHER member, and I knew how hard he worked on it. While the rest of us took it easy, YEONJUN had to be getting ready for it. I really empathize with how much pressure he must’ve felt. As a member of the group, I thought about what I could do and decided all I could do was go support him in person, buy him a little something, and go cheer him on. You truly have a deep affection for the group. During YEONJUN’s first solo promotions, all the other members sent him a coffee truck and repeatedly visited in person to support him. BEOMGYU: It was the first solo work for any TOMORROW X TOGETHER member, and I knew how hard he worked on it. While the rest of us took it easy, YEONJUN had to be getting ready for it. I really empathize with how much pressure he must’ve felt. As a member of the group, I thought about what I could do and decided all I could do was go support him in person, buy him a little something, and go cheer him on.

You recently wished on a sky lantern in Taiwan for the people you know to be happy, not for yourself. BEOMGYU: I really just hope that everyone I love and everyone who loves me is healthy and happy. I think it’s always like that. I’m more concerned with others being happy because of me than I am for my own happiness. You can sacrifice or give up things and still feel like, Okay, as long as you’re happy, I’m fine. It doesn’t mean I’m not happy. (laughs) I can take care of my own happiness, honestly. That’s why I wrote that. You have to be happy yourself in order to share that happiness with others.

If you were going to write down a wish not for the people close to you but just for yourself, what would it be? BEOMGYU: There isn’t really anything I wish for. I’m content with who I am right now. (laughs)

[underlingofsappho]

"Male loneliness epidemic"

The election got me thinking about the whole lonely-young-man-right-wing-pipeline thing.

As a sapphic ace girlie this whole male loneliness epidemic is bullshit. I am just as attracted to women. I long and pine and wish for romance and to have a girlfriend too. Men are not the only lonely ones. I am lonely too. I am lonely all the time, right now, tomorrow. I've been lonely with very little real life human connection for almost half a decade now. I rarely go outside and don't really talk to people. I have wonderful online friends and I cherish my best friends deeply from afar but otherwise I spend most days of the year by myself.

I am not out here resenting women for not being with me, I am not blaming them, I am not calling them cunts and bitches and whores and sluts. I am not threatening to rape them. I am not threatening their security. Men are not the only ones. Everyone gets lonely. Maybe instead of blaming this shit on us make friendships with other men, real connections. Foster bonds, take a class, take up a hobby-knit, make art, play a sport, read a book, form a club. Your loneliness is not my moral failure as a human being. Your loneliness is your responsibility. You can do things to feel less lonely, and ofc it is not always that simple but you are NOT entitled to sex, to bodies, to emotional, financial, sexual, physical, spiritual labor.

It angers me to see young men think about women with such malice, such irredeemable spite, such vile, deep hatred. How is it possible to hate another human being so violently unless they are no longer human to you?

[thegirlwiththewriting]

Personal vent

Tw I guess

I just need to get this off my chest because it's suffocating me, and everything’s just too much. Also if no one sees this it's okay too cause I just need to write this down I guess, no matter if smone sees it or not.

A year ago my best friend and me fell apart, and she was literally my everything. She never even once lost patience with me and appreciated everything | did. Ofc sometimes she made mistakes, but these were all little nonsenses, I could have ignored. That time I had no idea from life and was just so ungrateful for everything and straight up a shitty horrible person. I said and did so many things that must have hurt her more than I can think off. And then at the end I blamed all the shit on her and why nothing was working in my life. All the time after, I was convinced it was her who ruined everything and why we fell apart, and didn't miss her a bit.

But after that I went through so much shit that made me realize so much things and made me a whole different person.( well I wouldn’t wish it anyone, but for me everything was deserved tbh) Half a year later I was startina to rearet everthing and tried to reach out again. Surprise, ofc I fucked up again, this time not with my cruel behavior, but just idk, I was scared I guess.

Now I suddenly found one of our old chats again. I deleted everything but seems like I forgot this one. And it hurts so fcking bad. I was so ungrateful for everything, and said the most horrible things ever.

The whole last year made me change so so so much, and I can't believe what a shitty person I was back then. I just wish our friendship back, the way we would text until late at night, or how we would go on walks with her dog and then stay at her place and cuddle up while watching Ghibli movies. although I know everything was my fault.

Not in a hundred lifetimes I could make up for everything I did and said, and that's what haunts me so bad. The most I can do for her is to never contact her again, and just idk. But I hate this old self, and I just can't live with the fact that I hurt her so so fucking bad, and probably lots of other people that time too, just because I couldn't appreciate anything, and wasn’t satisfied with myself.

I was clean for months but yesterday I sh myself again, and all the feeling and thoughts I thought left behind me r coming back . It's just, if I wouldn't be here it would be so much better for her and all the people I hurt.

And I don't deserve everything and the remaining people I have rn anyways. I feel like the only way I could make up for all the stuff I did and said is to make sure I'll never do it again, by just disappearing from this world.

I know I would never ever do what l've done back then now, since I know so much more, and I won't hurt anyone in any way ever.

But just the thought of what l've done, and idk but for some reason I could do it again, it makes me despise myself. I don't deserve the people I have rn, and the new friends I made. I don't deserve anything rn. I wish I could think otherwise, but my mind is telling me that the only way to make up and protect the people around me, is to go. Because who says the ungrateful cruel person isn't still somewhere? What if someday I do smth shitty again and hurt too many people?

I‘m falling apart, and idk how to handle anything. And besides all that I’m feeling not rlly good right now generally, and with this weight added now I’m falling apart. I feel like crying 24/7, idk and my mind is just being too loud.

And the most egoistic thing is, all I want is someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay. Also when I know it's not. Also when it's me who hurt eveyone.

[sundogsandrainbows]

Hi, I'm sorry to write to you out of the blue, but Of Elves and Humans was the first DA longfic that got me hooked back in 2011 when I, as a dumb teen, happened to pick up DAO. Ever since then, the DA universe has been a constant fixation of mine and my admiration for you as a writer as well as someone who isn’t afraid to call out the franchise's flaws has never wavered. Now that Bioware decided to take a massive shit on everything pre-DAV and their oldest fans specifically, I'm really devastated and feel like a fool for having been so invested in DA and its lore for those past 13 years. It’s incredibly encouraging, however, to see you keep on keeping on. "So since they spat in my face like this I ignore this atrocity of a game even exists" is where I hope to be at soon, too. Thank you.

(First of all apologies for the late reply, I put it in my drafts when i was too tired to complete it, and then my adhd brain forgot it existed due to being distracted by new shinies 😂☠)

But aww omg i cannot believe i was the gateway drug into dragon age, or rather the old version of my story on FFN was. I am so very honored <3 And nonnie, I feel you. I am invested in DA as a series since DA:O's release in 2009, like I bought it on a whim for XBox because I liked Mass Effect 1 sm. So that is 15 yrs of my life i spent loving and discussing a thing while still being critical of the thing, but now i feel so very protective of the world, lore and its characters that "New Bioware" has decided to take a massive dump of shit on, and not only the games but the old fans I feel are treated with disdain too and do not matter to them any longer.

Long, subjective rant about current bioware aka the shambling corpse of its former self and talent incoming. Spoilers for Veilguard bc i don't give a fuck to avoid them :D You (general you, not you in particular dearest nonny <3) should use your time better than to play this shit anyhow 😂

It feels like calculated malice of new Bioware to apply the scorched earth tactics to offscreen destroy everything that old fans and fans of the other games in general held dear, and was supposed to suck out the enjoyment of DAO, DA2 and DAI. Like it is obvious they plan to create a sequel on DA's scorched bones, but jfc, you can do so story-wise without spitting everyone loving what old bioware has built in the face after dropkicking them. But to me that is part of the problem, since if i remember correctly and i wish i could find the bit... they praised Veilguard as "The best Dragon Age game ever", with the most interesting companions and best most improved combat system, comparing it to the other three games in a near smug fashion. There is marketing and there is putting the other games down to prop up your most favorite and only child mattering and they were definitely doing the latter. And don't get me started on the whole "Who is Zevran" debacle or we are gonna here all day.

Bottom line is new/current devs and writer do not give a shit about and very possibly have never played any other game than Inquisition, and you cannot tell me otherwise. And since a lot of devs/writer have left since the start of this project that would become this abysmal game, I also have the impression that there is a lot of underlying resentment toward what these former colleagues have created and so they piss on it in order to make it fully theirs now. Like dogs marking their territory, and well that did not work out, imo. At all.

Ever since they announced respecting our past choices by ignoring them (????) it was clear to me that I would not play Veilguard but just watch a playthrough and all spoilers and then move on. And everything i saw before release was shocking... like i was flabbergasted at how baaaad the dialogue was, which as a writer myself is super important to me in my story. There was no subtext, characters just blurt out everything they think and feel, like a lifeless doll you squeeze and words tumbling out and just as natural. It is stilted, awkward and 80% of it exists for info dump or info dumb rather as they keep repeating the same shit they just told you a few seconds ago as if you as the player are braindead. Here is a good example of what i mean.

Jfc, who edited this crap? There is so much superfluous dialogue that adds nothing to a scene but annoyance for the player and says nothing at all. Just pure senseless yapping in the most cringy way. Why was no one there to trim this nonsense as you should as a writer/editor? Hell, they really disregarded every simple and basic writing rule (everything is told never SHOWN for example especially in dialogue) which really made me question their competence in what they were doing and thus the quality of the upcoming game but i still held out hope for it to not be that bad.

Well shit, it was even worse. In all regards. Especially the writing that cringed this writer into a new dimension with its incoherent incompetence. Jfc. they got paid for that? I'm convinced the majority of fandom writer can do much better, even unpaid. Hell my cat just by walking over the keyboard can manage a better draft and script...💀

But I digress. That is a rant for another time. Point is, nonny, despite my defiant words, I struggled too for days after i got to know the full extent of Bioware's spiteful fuckery to even look at anything da related, in my case my Alistair/Mahariel longfic. I was really down for a few days, ngl. Then again, there is nothing better than spite fueling my creativity to prove "i can write better" soooo in the end and with the help of the much better first version of DA4 in the artbook, I was able to exorcise the demons and feverdream-mindfuck of mediocrity sold to me as a turd with gold-glitter that is this game.

I have successfully now rejected its existence, filled the void with the version that should have been from the artbook and vowed to give no fucks what bioware is doing or saying and infinitely more fucks when writing my own version of thedas and the version of DA4 that should be. REWRITES BBY hell yeah. So OEAH:R is just the beginning of a verse-wise rewrite. But if you need a pick me up, nonny, you are very much welcome to take a trip down memory lane to Dragon 9:30 and see how much this iteration of the story differs from my first one back in the days. Because in this house of mine, we grow and learn as writers, unlike bioware where writer ego reigns surpreme (oh boy and does it ever show in VG) aka eating their own turds and tell themselves it is the finest chocolate 💀

There is still a lot of good about DA out there, but we have to accept it does not come from Bioware any longer. Instead it came, comes and will come from the fans and creators of art and texts and words defying their bullshit with their love and respect for the world, its lore and characters. Also very unlike Bioware.

As we should <3

[13as07]

Crows Breed In The Spring #1

(Shisui Uchahi Smut)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to Keji. They’re here on Tumblr; Please check them out!]

Requested by: @chamchamshisui (More or less)

Word Count: 4,086

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Nick-Name(s): Little/Dove, Sir, Goddess

Exhibitionism

Titty Fondling

Fingering

Choking

Nudity

Slight Degrading

Prey/Predator Kink

Arranged Marriage

Plans for Part #2

———————————————————————

Shisui’s eyes trail on me as my eyes trail on the branches above us. The trees are slowly blooming, greens, pinks, and soft reds all melting into a nature-made painting. Spring is my favorite season, both for the nature and for the clan. The world is always painted so beautifully, whereas the clan is always filled with the promise of the future generation.

I mentioned it to one of the elders, once, how it seems that the clan is always buzzing with pregnancies and young couples wishing for children during the spring months. I got a lecture from both the elder and my parents for mentioning such a thing, in front of the Clan Council nonetheless. Despite the lectures I got, something the Chief said has always stuck with me.

Crows breed in the spring.

Looking back at the interaction, it was a strange thing for him to say, especially right before Shisui proposed. Given, the proposal came as a surprise. After all, we’ve been betrothed since birth so a formal proposal was never expected but he insisted on doing it anyway, insisted he wanted things to be as ‘normal’ as he could make them for me. Still, I can’t make myself believe that the Chief didn’t know it was happening, let alone when. Though, he’s always been a bit of an off person. Saying weird things at weird times.

Our wedding is coming up, in twelve months, down exactly to the day. I’m lucky when it comes to my arranged marriage, especially to who I’ve been arranged to spend my life with. Shisui is a good man, both at home and in society. He’s a high-ranked, and even higher achieved, shinobi, praised by both the Clan and the Village for his achievements and abilities. A distinguished Anbu, one of the youngest and most skilled of our generation. Of the past few generations.

Despite all that, he’s still a humble man, a kind man, a loving man. All of which has been proven once again today. With our wedding date being exactly a year away, Shisui requested today off, speaking to the Chief and Hokage personally to ensure he could spend the day with me. I’m just as giddy now as I was when he told me the news two weeks ago. My heart skips just thinking of the event and what my future husband said to me.

Don’t worry about a thing, Dove, I’ve taken care of all of it.

It’ll be a whole day of just me and you. Nothing and no one to take my attention away from you.

I assure you that the day will be spent with me showing you the future I promise to give you.

“Your cheeks are blushed again,” Shisui comments, leaning closer to whisper the sentence into my ear, acting as if it will disturb the Spring blooms. I tilt my head, escaping the tease of his lips against my ear that causes my cheeks to darken, this time in embarrassment instead of admiration. “Don’t run from me, Little Dove,” He giggles, tilting his head too, chasing after me as I try to flee. “Tell me what’s on that colorful mind of yours.”

“You,” I answer instantly, even more embarrassed by the confession and eagerness in my voice.

Shishui’s laugh tickles my skin, the soft sound wrapping around my heart and warming it from the outside in. “What a coincidence,” he murmurs, sliding a hand onto my hip. He softly pulls on me, positioning me against his body. Our hips are fleshed against each other, and the rough existence of his knife slid into its hilt, hidden under the band of his pants, separating a section of our connection. “I’m thinking about you too.”

“Oh?”

“Oh, indeed” He murmurs, his fingertips slow and steady as they slide off my hip. They trail upward, happily disregarding my shirt, slipping underneath it to caress the bare skin of my side. “We have some time before we’re expected to meet our families for dinner.”

“Oh,” I exhale, repeating my earlier reply. My heart feels quick in my chest, beating quicker the harder it gets to underplay Shisui’s touches. His fingers feel warm against my side, sending electric tingles across my skin. His lips have made residence against the side of my head, their warmth making the tips of my ears feel like flames. “What should we do with that time?”

“I can think of a... ah, thing, or two.” His words, paired with the continued climbing of his fingers, his touch carefully tracing one, two, three of my ribs, sends my senses ablaze. “Would you like to know what those things might be?” Shisui asks, fingers curling to wrap under the band of my bra. His knuckles slide back and forth, barely moving an inch in either direction as he waits for my answer.

My jaw falls open, lips twitching to form an answer, a word, even a sound would suffice. When nothing comes, I simply nod my head, yes, to answer my waiting husband.

His hip pushes against mine, gently leading me off the dusty trail that twirls through the acres of blooming trees on the outskirts of the Clan’s territory. “First, we should wander off the path. Wonder deep into the trees, let the flowers hide us from the world. Let the glow of the blooms highlight the beauty of my future wife.” My jaw clicks closed, my eyes widening as I hang onto every word spilling from Shisui.

The heat of his eyes pulls off of me, instantly skirting over the area in front of us, his shinobi ways bleeding through whenever and wherever possible. Still, his focus stays with me. With the eyes of any passer-byer or another couple enjoying the blooms being gone, Shushi has no shame. His hand jerks upward, a strong hand cupping my boob for a second before it starts toying with me. His hand squeezes my flesh, his fingers molding around my breast as his hip continues to gently push me forward.

“Once we’re safely tucked away, truly left alone, with nothing but the trees to see us, I’m going to lay my beautiful wife down on the fallen flower petals. I’m going to lay with her, sucking in the scent and taste of the beautiful pheromones that have been dancing off her skin the past few days.”

My mind feels like it has short-circuited. My thoughts are gummy, jumbled, and messy from arousal and the sweetness of Shisui’s affection. Embarrassment and worry swirl around my thoughts as well. I know that he has an idea of my menstrual circle; the chocolates at just the right times throughout the month, his willingness to give more than he receives when I’m my neediest, the extra attention when my emotions are in a reck, but it never crossed my mind that he had a strong hold on the bio-clock that is my body.

Can he truly tell what phase of my cycle I’m on? He can’t seriously smell my pheromones, can he? I know it’s rumored that us Uchiha’s take after crows a little too much. With age, I’ve even heard rumors that our population jumps every spring, just like crows, because we’ve picked up their breeding habits, but that’s all it is. Rumors. It’s normal that my sex drive jumps in tune with my bodily clock, but does Shisui’s truly jump every spring?

“Now what’s on that colorful mind?” My betrothed asks, gently pulling me from the string of unanswerable questions. His lips brush behind my ear, paired with a soft inhale before his kiss falls downward.

“Can you really smell my pheromones?” I whisper, letting my head tip when his kisses start trailing down my neck.

“Mhm,” he hums, taking another deep breath before sliding his tongue across the skin of my throat. “It’s faint, but there. The sensitivity of your skin and heightened reactions to my touch give you away a bit more though. Still, I can’t help but crave you, knowing how much you’re craving me.” Shusui stops moving, pulling his hand from my chest and his lips from my neck. I can’t help feeling like I slammed into a brick wall, my skin suddenly chilly without his touch, and irritation bubbling in my stomach. “Is there anything else tickling that mind of yours?”

“No. Well... yes, but it’s stupid,” I grumble, my unfounded anger growing the longer Shisui stays parted from me. My eyes trail after him, carefully watching as he scopes out the area. Can’t he throw caution to the wind just once? I’m supposed to have his full attention, but instead, he’s checking the branches for the boogie man.

“No question is a stupid question.”

I think over it for a moment, my unhappiness and the teasing given to me mixing in my stomach. “Do you think we have a breeding season?”

“Of course, Dove,” Shisui answers, finally making his way back to me. His hands land on my hips, massaging them for a second before nudging my shirt up to hook his fingertips under the band of my pants. “There are hundreds of scientific articles linking the sexual activities of our clan with our counterparts, our crows. It’s not even that far-fetched. Just look at the Inuzuka Clan. The Aburame. The Sarutobi. They all exhibit traits of their animalistic counterparts, repopulation timing included.”

I barely hear any of his rambling, my mind – and hormones – swirling with the feeling of Shisui’s fingers, the teasing of them sliding back and forth against my hips, the mundane but incredibly hot knowledge that he refused to wait until I was bare to feel the sensation of my skin against his rough hands.

Silence falls between us, the forest so quiet that I swear I can hear the electricity burning between our locked eyes. My stomach flips when Shisui slides one of his hands further along my waistband, his fingertips ghosting over the front of my panties. Tingles erupt through my body, making the space between my thighs their own base. It feels like minutes tick by as he slides his hand further into my pants, minutes that are truly only seconds.

Crimson melts into my future husband’s eyes. Crimson, that swarms the darkness of Shisui’s iris. Crimson, that is quickly dotted with three perfect tomoes. Crimson, that soon trades his tomoes for the pinwheeled design of his advanced sharingan. I drown in the color, letting it seep into every ounce of me. Letting the color dance alongside the feeling of Shisui’s fingers sliding back and forth over my pussy that’s angry with the fact that it’s still clothed and hidden from the attention it wants.

“You’re not breathing.”

“What?” I ask, the exhale I release seeming to also release the scream of my lungs I’ve been neglecting.

Shisui chuckles at my lugging, fingertip pressing against my clenching hole as he leans closer to me. His lips easily find mine, gracing me with the millionth kiss of the day. Still, the kiss is a bit rough, proof of his habit of biting them present in the flesh. I eagerly wrap my arms around his neck, trying to pull him closer to me. The simple act pulls more laughter from him, laughter that I suck into my lungs as I deep our kiss.

My tongue slides out, needlingly poking at my boyfriend’s lips. Shisui parts his lips for me, letting my tongue slide in and explore his mouth. I’m given free rein of our kisses, leading the dance our lips are partaking in. In exchange, he gets free rein of my body.

A hand snakes up my side, racing the path up my hip, under my shirt, and crawling under my bra. Shisui’s hand is rougher this time as he grips my boob, squeezing it until my breath goes jagged in an attempt to mellow the ache forming across my skin. My pain doesn’t go without pleasure though. The hand toying with my wetting panties slowly crawls under the material, his fingertips sliding through my folds to collect my wetness.

I back off for a second, breaking for our kisses to suck in a needed breath. A labored breath, trying to balance the pleasure teasing my pussy, the pain webbing from Shisui’s grasp on my chest, and the ting of fear that’s always flickering when his sharingan is activated.

“Dove?”

“Ye-”

My answer is cut off by a sharp inhale, slammed from my lungs when Shisui thrusts two of his fingers into me. My hands slip from his neck, gripping his shoulders with my nails digging into the dark material of his shirt.

“You’re going to be good for your husband and strip, yeah? You’re going to strip and lay your pretty self out on the blossom petals for me, yes?” His fingers move just as slowly and even as his voice. Steady, strong, dependable, but not fast enough.

“Yes, Sir,” I murmur, tightening my hold on him, hoping he’ll move his fingers even a bit faster.

“There’s a good Little Dove,” He coos, giving me the opposite of what I want. Shisui pulls his touch off of me, squeezing my breast once more before breaking contact. His eyes swirl in amusement as he drinks in my disappointment, a laugh brewing in his chest, I’m sure. “Strip,” he reminds me of my command, taking a step back as he slips his fingers into his mouth.

It feels like my stomach gushes at the sound of Shisui sucking my juices off himself. Instantly, my hands jerk, taking a grip of my shirt to rip it up and over my head. My movements get messier, wanting to rid myself of all my clothing if it means he’ll touch me again, touch me sooner. My clothes are dropped to the floor, forgotten as soon as I free them from my body.

“Good job,” he coos again, eyes still rubbing my skin raw. “Lay down. Look at the flowers.”

My knees buckle, bending to let gravity push me to the forest floor. It feels like my body moves on its own, positioning myself to lie on the ground like ordered. The soft petals fallen from the trees above rub against my skin, their scent feeling my nose, and their soft colors exploding in my eyes. The petals aren’t the only thing that catches my eye. Buried in the branches are two patches of black, sticking out against the colorful ceiling of the trees.

Crows breed in the spring.

It’s probably a couple of crows, hanging around and planning the same thing I have in mind.

My sense of hearing isn’t left bored either, picking up on every sound, every sound except the sound of Shisui. That’s not surprising though. A loud ninja isn’t a good ninja.

“Dove?”

“Shisui?”

He falls silent again, my senses on high alert, edged from the forest, edged from being so exposed, edged from not knowing where my lover is.

Minutes tick by, filled with thoughts, with ‘what if’s, filled with worry. Just as my body relaxes, my mind grows silent and focuses on the branches swaying, on the petals slowly falling, my thigh is gripped.

“Shisui!” I shriek, jerking into a seat position.

“Dove,” He chuckles, the familiar sight of his sharingan filling my sight and smoothing out the fear threaded through my chest. “You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” I jerk my head away, staring deeper into the forest as I huff, my anger with him bubbling into my actions. “Oh, don’t be mad at me,” Shuishi murmurs, dotting my cheek in kisses. “I couldn’t help but admire how gorgeous you looked. Bare and laid out just for me, framed by the cherry blossoms. After all, I see everything so much better than most. I didn’t mean to scare you, my Little Dove.”

Slowly, I let my anger leak out of my veins, leaning into his soft kisses and letting my muscles loosen under his touch. “You’re mean,” I grumble, slowly turning to face him again.

A loose smile hangs on his lips, enjoyment, and amusement mixing with the crimson of his eyes. “I’m mean?”

“Yes.”

“I took time off to celebrate our future marriage. I planned our outing, our walk through the woods, our dinner with our families, and you think I’m mean?”

“I know you’re mean,” I shoot back, shaking my head back and forth in a matter-of-fact fashion.

The laughter that seeps from Shisui ends the trumpet feeling from my comeback. The sound is darker than usual, laying heavy in the air instead of flowing freely with the soft wind that’s been present throughout the day. “Fine, I’ll be mean then,” he purrs, giving enough time for my heart to skip before his hand is wrapped around my throat, using his grip to push me flat to the ground again.

I shriek when my back hits the ground, a sharp smile ripping across my face from the fear and excitement braiding together. After all, what’s the point of having a scary anbu as a boyfriend – and future husband – without a little bit of fucked up playtime?

“Naughty, naughty girl,” Shisui lectures, clicking his tongue at my excitement. His body crushes me into the ground, keeping me pinned against the petals decorating the forest. His thumb rubs against the side of my throat, his other fingers digging into my flesh to control my oxygen intake. “What would our Clan think? Calling one of their pride and joys mean? What would your parents think of you right now? Stripped naked, laid out on the ground, so eager to do everything you’re told.”

“I’m just being a good wife,” I shoot back, my voice pitched from the grip around my throat. “Just like everyone keeps telling me to do.”

The dark laugh is back, echoing among the trees. “Oh, is that so? I didn’t know being a good wife included getting fingered in the woods. Since when did it include stripping bare among the branches? Which housewife taught you that being choked by your husband is a part of sex? Which gossiper told you a good wife gets wet when their husband makes fear flutter in their chest?”

“Your mom, mostly.”

Shisui’s eyes flicker, excitement appearing before quickly being replaced by his fake hardness. “Little Dove,” he exhales, leaning down so he can peck my lips between each of his words. “A good wife watches her temper and most defiantly does not speak of their mother-in-law in such a way.” He pulls away, leaving a very unwanted gap between our lips. “I think you just need some of my attention. Is that what you need, Dove? Do you need some of my attention to get your attitude straight? Should we play?”

A weight drops in my stomach, a new wave of fear swirling in my stomach. My butt already stings, the memories of our last game whirling through my head. The last time Shisui and I played, really played instead of the quick sessions between his missions, I was left with a two-day long hand print and a limp the next morning. Simon Says is not my strong suit.

“Let’s play...” My heart skips as I wait for Shisui’s choice, hoping, praying, that he doesn’t pick Simon Says. “Tag.” I take it back; I’ll very willingly play Simon Says. “I’m it first.”

He releases me, crawling off of me and climbing to his feet. My eyes trail after him, watching Shisui wipe his clothing clean before he turns and walks away from me. My heart skips and my stomach flips as he leans his arm against the tree across from my spot, his head tucked into his elbow.

“One hundred.”

My mind runs a million a minute, every other thought about how unfair this game is. Shisui is a shinobi, a highly trained shinobi, an active duty anbu. The only thing I’m trained in is the things he likes and what makes a good housewife.

“Ninety-nine.”

I’m so going to lose. What’s he going to do when he tags me? What’s he not going to do when he tags me? My thighs rub together as my eyes skirt down his back, cursing his shirt for hiding away his shoulders. I’m so screwed.

“Ninety-eight.”

The numbers finally click in my head. Shisui is giving me a head start, one hundred seconds to run for my life before he chases after me. Three of which I’ve wasted. Once the thought is settled in my mind, I’m up on my feet, quickly glancing around before deciding on a direction. I can’t go forward, that means I’d have to pass him. I can’t go backward, I’ll stumble onto the trail. I choose to go right, jerking my body into motion once the decision is made.

Oxygen is pulled into my lungs as I race away from my boyfriend, trying to get as much distance between us as possible. It doesn’t take long for my body to scream. My lungs are angry from ove working. My legs are angry from the speed I’m forcing them into. My skin is upset at the sharp branches scrapping against it.

My thoughts run right alongside my feet. Every sound makes my heart beat faster, worried Shisui already found me. Theories of what he’s going to do make my nerves bounce with even more excitement and even more fear. Is he going to fuck me? Pressed against a tree or in the grass? Is he going to tease me? Leave me on edge before making me go to dinner, using my irritation and need as a reward for his win? I wonder if he’ll -

“Litte Dove?” Shisui’s chilled voice laces between the trees, making it impossible to tell where it’s coming from. My heart stops at the call for me, my feet freezing, following suit. I stay, stuck in place like a deer that heard the steps of a hunter. Fear trickles from my heart, straight to my arousal like a melting icicle, set on overflowing the pot under it as the spring air warms it. “I’ve decided on my award for winning, are you ready to hear it?”

My heart thumps heavily in my chest, the reminder I need to get my feet moving again. My body jerks, my feet sliding for a moment before shifting back into a run. I don’t know what direction I’m going in. I don’t know which direction I came from. Most importantly, I don’t know where Shisui is. All I do know is that the break from whipping leaves and hard branches has made my skin angrier.

My mind is so torn, focused on not tripping and trying to look for signs of my hunter that I don’t catch the forest line until it smacks me in the face. The brightness, brought by the sun and the gap in the trees, colors the path, burning my eyes that have adjusted to the darkness of the forest. Fear of being caught by someone from the village, or even worse, someone I know, makes me freeze, my steps stalling once again.

Oxygen pumps into my lungs as I soak in the silence, keeping myself hidden in the shadows of the forest edge. Should I turn around or should I run along the forest edge -

“You’re it, Dove.” Shisui strikes before I can shriek, a hand wrapped around my mouth as the other one wraps around my eyes, cutting off my view of the sun just five steps away. “You lasted a lot longer than I thought you would,” he softly praises, his knee pushing against the back of mine until it buckles, gravity pushing me to the ground once again. His breath is heavy in my ear as he feathers my fall to the floor, tickling my pride a bit. I made an anbu winded from our little game of tag.

Slowly, the hand around my eyes slips upward, Shisui’s gentle fingertips brushing through my hair and picking out the leaves it picked up during the chase. My head is gently pulled backward as he plays with my hair, my eyes scanning the branches above us. “Your pretty smell, and all your questions, the sight of you looking like a Goddess on the forest floor, and our little game has me so worked up, Dove. So, I’ve decided we’re going to partake in this year’s breeding season.”

Crows breed during the spring,

And I am a crow.

———————————————————————

[redvexillum]

Hey there my sweetest, beloved Vexi ♡

I just wanted to share something personal with you that you can then share with others because I know that they feel the same.

Writing has always been my passion. It's been the one thing that has kept me afloat in my life. Regardless of whether people love my writing or hate it, I would continue for the sake of continuing because it is my life.

But when I rejoined fandom spaces, I was terrified after hearing stories of how the culture had changed significantly. Interaction is lower, and hate has unfortunately always made its home in these communities. Given I share fanfiction solely to share with the aforementioned communities, I found myself afraid that I would get hate messages. I was afraid I wouldn't have a community that would stand up for me if that were to happen. While it would never deter me from what I love, I was scared that friendships and positivity were long dead in this space. Fandom felt lonely.

You know what though? I have met wonderful person after wonderful person. And then I met you too. There you are, getting some of the most horrendous messages I've ever seen sent to another human being, and you continue to push for positivity - smiling and laughing with us about how much you just want to see people happy.

Then you went on to start share some of the wonderful messages you recieved throughout that ordeal, only to begin writing positive affirmations and thoughts for us. Once upon a time, I struggled to accept this sort of positivity, I will admit that. When I was having a rough time, I would often see messages like that as 'hollow' for a lack of better words. I would be angry or bitter that others could think like that when I struggled so much to feel like those words should have meant something to me.

While time has passed since I was that person, I still remember the feeling of hopelessness, yet that doesn't deter from the fact that people like you - and countless others - single handedly restored my faith in these communities.

People like you remind me why I cling to my ideals of treating everyone with kindness no matter what. To try to understand other people. To help others. These are all things that bring us closer together. People like you, @silva-daemonium, @fraugwinska, @macabr3-barbi3, @chrisemrysfics, @melodyonthewireless, @dewdropdinosaur, @xalygatorx, @kewpikayo, @jurijyuu, @jalicecookie, AND SO MANY MORE do so much to support those around you.

All of this came about because I wanted to say thank you for posting those short little messages of encouragment. I know that I have appreciated them. Sure, they might seem a little cheesy to me on a morning when I'm tired - but they really make me smile, and prepare me to tackle whatever the day gives.

You're the beating heart of positivity.

It's a fairytale ending to the horror stories I expected.

I know that other people will see this too, so I just wanted to wish everyone that sees this a relaxing morning, afternoon, evening - timezone in general! You're here, and you've worked hard to be here all this time. Everything you've needed to do to achieve that, you've done. That's huge. I'm so proud of everyone, and my DMs are always open to anyone who might be struggling or just wants to talk. I'll always aim to help my community in the same way that Vexi has demonstrated.

Love to you all, and again, thank you for your messages, Vexi!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Cirice, I honestly don’t have the words to fully capture how much your kindness means to me. You are truly one of the most thoughtful, beautiful souls I’ve ever had the honor to meet, and I can’t thank you enough for your words. Knowing that something I’ve done has made even a small impact on people like you is still so surreal to me. I’m just deeply grateful that you’re part of this community.

You and so many others are the reason why I’ve stayed here longer than in any other fandom. It’s been the most heartwarming experience. This community, especially people like you, has genuinely transformed my perspective on what fandoms can be: a space filled with compassion, creativity, and connection.

Thank you for sharing your story, for giving me (and others) a piece of your heart. I hope your words reach others, inspiring them to create, to feel they belong, and to understand how wonderful it is to be part of something like this. Knowing we’re all here together, finding meaning in these connections, it makes the world feel a little less lonely and a lot brighter. 💖

Also tagging the people that didn't get properly tagged because tumblr is broken: @dewdropdinosaur @xalygatorx @kewpikayo @jurijyuu @jailcecookie