#but i think it'd be funny if it just never occurred to him

[desperatepleasures]

ok hear me out. kabru wanting to fuck laios but also not wanting to fuck him because he is absolutely certain that sex with laios would have to involve some kind of weird monster roleplay. but because kabru is kabru he overthinks this and spends an unhealthy amount of time figuring out how to negotiate around this and deciding what he would or would not be comfortable with (all without actually talking to laios or making any kind of move whatsoever).

then eventually they do get together and before they hook up for the first time kabru is like okay we need to talk first and he goes into great detail about exactly what he is and isn't willing to do and what monsters he is and isn't willing to roleplay as

and laios, to whom it has never occurred to blend his monster fixation with his sex life, just listens like "😳😳😳" and develops several new fetishes on the spot. and at some point laios is like wow I'd never thought of that before! and kabru is like oh. oh no. I've made him Worse.

[sysig]

Party (group) party (celebratory)! (Patreon)

[evilfrogcereal29]

ANOTHER NIKTO X READER I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THESE SPECIFIC SCENARIOS JUST COME TO MIND DJDHSKS

this is made with a fem!reader in mind, I try to write everything kind of GN, so sorry, but gender is kind of important for this specific piece cause reader's mistaken for a man and doesn't correct anyone to hide their identity

Tw: drinking, swearing, google translated russian, probably a bit ooc Nikto, I make him a lil softer than he probably is.

Nikto x Disguised(?)!fem!reader

- "You're pretty small for a guy"

- you were more than used to that sentence by now, and you never once saught to correct or challenge anyone on it. Who cared? There where more important things than whats in your pants, and it was better that everyone thought you you a man anways.

- You were very private about your identity, you had friends and family back home you didn't want getting wrapped up in this shit. You've seen how petty people can be for just a little bit of revenge.

- you wore a full suit of gear that masked your feminine form, including a helmet with a built in voice changer. (You sounded similar to that of a metro-cop from half-life 2, but with way more clarity)

- You didn't even push the man narrative, everyone just naturally started using he & him for you, unaware of your past or who you really were.

- You were, for the most part, one of the guys. Your file even stated you as male. A serious oversight by the higher-ups.

- So then why was Nikto currently pointing a gun amd looking at a woman in *your* armor?

- *Funny timeskip that i added here because I thought it'd be a bit confusing jumping between these two bullet points*

- You often frequented the showers late at night, it was the only time you could wash yourself uninterrupted by others prying eyes.

- You never realized how often you and Nikto barely evaded seeing eachother. You’d finish, disappear from the showers back to your room, and Nikto would come in, with the same idea of a late shower as you within a few minutes to as soon as 30 seconds after you departed.

- Tonight though, maybe by fate, you both got the idea at the same time, unfortunately for Nikto, you walked just a little faster.

- Nikto almost immediately turned around when he heard the water running, there was no point. Yet there was also frustration, and an overwhelming urge to confront whoever it was. Who the hell was showering at this hour?! He’s never had this problem before, who was deciding to give him problems tonight?

- He cracked the door open, head peeping inside, his eyes widen big at you- whoever you were- in his fellow solider's suit.

- Now it should've occured to someone as intelligent as Nikto that this *was* his fellow solider, but he had known you for a while, and had never suspected anything before, he would've known if you weren't anyone you said you are...right? Had you truely bested Nikto?

- He pulled out his gun right as you seemed to notice him, letting out a yelp. You were a confident 'man' on the battlefield, but now, you were red in the face, caught in a web of lies you didn't even mean to string.

- *Timeskip from earlier ends here :3 there will be more timeskips tho because my ADHD ass LOVES giving context*

- "ублюдок, ты кто? Where is our teammate? What did you do to him?" He growled, cocking his gun and aiming it right at the girl's head.

- Your eyes are wide, as big as half-dollars, and threw your hands up into the air.

- "Nikto its me! Its me!" You plead. Only receiving a sneer and angry grunt

- "You think I'm a stupid man, маленькая девочка?!" He yelled, stepping closer, finger twitching on the trigger, his bloodlust rising.

- The running water is the only thing breaking the terrifying tension in the room, you're mind is racing, how do you get this killer off your back. You needed to prove who you were. Think! Think!

- "Please don't shoot- let me prove it, I can prove it's me Nikto. I-..." You feel your cheeks heating up, god this was fucking embarrassing, and Mr. Emotionless here is the last person you wanted to slip up with. Even if you did prove yourself, he might kill you just because he felt a little angry that you didn't tell him personally. You gulp at that thought.

- Nikto grins under his mask, amused, truely, his gun lowers a bit.

- "Go on." He muses, "tell me something only HE would know." He smirks, thinking about how he's going to lay your body in the shower and watch the blood seep down the drain.

- *Time skip backwards again here, cause I love me some backstory :3*

- Your mind races. You and Nikto weren't 'friends' per se, but you had a past, you had met him right around when he had come out of rehabilitation after his sickening torture. He was worse back then, he would snap on teammates. He snapped on you, pinning you to the wall once, eyes dilated and filled with a primal kind of rage, he pressed down on your neck.

- "Мы сломаем твои кости, как стекло, маленький муравей."

- You had picked up some Russian from being around him and other fluent operators, knowing a decent amount, and in that moment you knew just enough to fear for your life.

- Thankfully Minotaur was in the area, and while he enjoyed watching a good scuffle bewteen two soldiers, he knew very well that this one would end with you dead, breaking up you two with very careful wording and while staying a very far away distance from the still ravenous, blood-thirsty Nikto.

- Surprisingly, you didn't completely avoid him after that, not like you could, the allegiance seemed to love put you two on the same team. Something about the variety of both your skillsets.

- It was true, you had to admit. You and Nikto worked very professionally on the field, quick and easy kills, communicating everything with head & hand gestures instead of talking. It was preferable for the both of you. And always ended with success. So maybe thats why you always ended up near eachother. Still, you always tried to give the Psychotic man the benefit of the doubt. Knowing the story of his past, as told to you by Rodion, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of empathy for the broken man.

- It eventually built up to you having a very personal moment with Nikto.

- You were on a long-term mission, you'd been deployed in Yakutsk, Russia. Yes, one of the coldest fucking places in the entire country. Reaching nearly unalivable conditions- In your opinion- but of course Nikto never complained, he liked the cold after all.

- You had shacked up in an abandoned home on the outskirts of the city for the night. You laid on the one of the dirty mattresses left there by the old tenants, whoever they were.

- You shivered and shook like a rabid animal. Unable to sleep from how cold you were. Even in your full body of armor, it wasn't doing enough. You had those crap emergency blankets but even they, and the addition of the thin poo-stained mattress beneath you, didn't help with the very persistent cold that seemed to seep in through every crack of the home possible.

- You can only assume Nikto is fast asleep, at least, until you hear a soft humming, one that turns into soft singing, its gruff, and deep, but as you continue to listen, you find it rather soothing.

- "Здравствуйте, девочки Здравствуйте, мальчики Смотрите на меня в окно...." He sang, tapping his foot to a beat in his head. It seemed there *were* moments where nikto wasn't being mentally tortured by his own mind. Instead, filled with a melody from childhood.

- You rolled over and saw Nikto sitting criss-cross on the other mattress, his mask was slightly lifted up, but it was too dark to make out anything but the outline of his chin, and there was something in his hand, a bottle of Vodka.

- Now that you found weird, Nikto usually wasn't one to live up to the stereotype, in fact, he barely drank at all. Sure, he did drink lots in his youth, and still did a few lines of coke or toked off the occasional blunt when the offer somehow came up, but he was sworn off alcohol for the most part, especially vodka or anything strong, it gave him extremely awful headaches, he was hangovers bitch.

- You finally sat up after a few minutes, alerting him to your presence, his singing ceased and he pulled his mask back down over his mouth quickly, shooting you a dangerous glare.

- you frowned through your helmet that you kept on, blinking tired, dissapointed eyes at him.

- "Don't stop, I didn't know you could sing like that Nikto... Or that you drank-"

- "Господи, заткнись, сука. ты ничего обо мне не знаешь" he said defensively, you couldn't recognize every word but you recognized every swear, flinching at his vile language, but recognizing the slight slur in his words. A sign of inebriation.

- "Nikto...? You're drunk?" You try to ask, but he follows it up with a quick and defiant 'no' and more swearing. You let him, knowing better than you argue with the bullish man. Let him stop seeing red, than you could keep talking.

- "So.. what about tonight made you finally want to drink, I thought you liked the cold?" You ask, tilting your head.

- "I'm not drinking cause I'm sad." He corrected you coldly, setting the bottle down beside him, "The opposite actually."

- Nikto was...happy drinking? You didn't think normal people did that, but than again Nikto wasn't normal so- you supposed it made sense.

- "Whats the occasion?" You ask after a moment of consideration, and now that you thought about it, it was a bit rude, let the man be happy. occasion or not.

- "Everything is... Quiet tonight. I think we're just happy to be somewhere that feels like home." he says, tapping the side of his head.

- You're happy for him. He deserves moments like these. You find yourself scooting closer, settling down beside him when he doesn't shoo you away.

- "Tell me about your home, Nikto." You ask politely, taking him by surpise, catching him in a moment of vulnerability in his nostalgia and drunk-ness. The usual softness in your real voice, even with the voice changer, was present.

- He goes on to describe his early life to you, albiet, in bit and pieces, it's obvious he's holding back, relinquishing some details while stating others blantly. He also just doesn't remember much. Everything from birth to 5 years old is a blur for him. He just remembers his older brother and mom, and a vague outline of a father figure, but he left before Nikto's 6th birthday, Nikto can't remember his face or the sound of his voice anymore.

- He pointed out the song he was singing earlier, he listened to it often when he was a younger man. It reminded him of his mother and brother, of sitting at the dinnertable eating warm meals as a family whenever they scrounged up enough money to have the luxury of doing so. The laughter and love they shared, even if things around them were lackluster.

- He details early life in the military, his becoming of a spy and his... Eventual Downfall and capture.

- "One job, I got messy... I wasn't looking where I was going I..." He trailed off. He stopped telling his story and you reached a hand out, resting a hand on his shoulder.

- "Its okay. I get it. You don't need to tell me anymore if it hurts." You reassure, seeing the way he tenses under your pitiful touches.

- "I deserved it." He tried to continue, but you interupted him

- "None of that now. Just shut up and think about the now." You scold, noticing the wide eyes stare Nikto gives you.

- No one has ever told him to shut up before. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks underneath his mask, thank god he was wearing one.

- "Sorry." He muttered, and now you both sat there a bit stunned and quiet. The moment you were experiencing together left the both of your heart's racing, wondering a million things about the other.

- You because you had never seen such a soft, apologetic side of Nikto before, a man with no regrets, no empathy. He seemed so... Human?

- And Nikto because he couldn't believed he was being so soft and apologetic with someone. He always had his walls up. His mental fortress guarded with maximum security at all times. But you caught him when the Vodka- 3/4th a bottle of it that he found stashed in a drawer somewhere in the shack- had him weak, and you didn't take advantage of him. Didn't judge or even really cast much pity towards him. He didn't like being pitied. Fucking hated it actually. But here you were, rubbing his shoulder, which wasn't exactly an *unwelcomed* gesture, and sitting in silence with him. The voices were at bay tonight. Right now. It was just him, or whatever was left of Andre.

- "I used to walk 4 miles to school every morning in the freezing cold, and almost got hit by a pickup truck and stolen by a pack of wolves doing it." He suddenly blurted out, the previously warm vibes of the room returning as Nikto casted the past out of his mind. You were right. He was being too emotional, he should focus on the now.

- And right now, the booze brought him back to fonder memories, ones of childhood mischief and near death experiences.

- You looked at him with wide eyes and couldn't help the burst of laughter that followed, something that Nikto didn't find insulting, in fact, he was smiling too, underneath that mask.

- "You think that's funny, just wait til I tell you where I got my first tattoo..." He chuckled with his thick, russian accent.

- You and Nikto shared stories all night. And never once did Nikto question it, like when you told him you took ballet, or when you ripped your prom dress, or even when you told him about your first boyfriend. He shrugged it off. He wasnt exactly as straight as a board either. And the military exposed him to people from all walks of life.

- Of course, Nikto still thought you were a *man* at this point. A very effeminate acting man, but a man none the less.

- *Time skip ends here SORRY IF U HATED THAT SJSHSK*

- But now Nikto's world was flipped on it's head, as you combed through your mind, you find yourself going back to that silly song he sang. Trying to recall the words.

- "Здравствуйте.... дев-вочки.." you started, cringing at your poor pronouncations of the words and shrilly little singing voice.

- Nikto's eyes widen in recognition, all former sneers and snickers long gone. He wasn't joking anymore, and it seemed you weren't either.

- "Здравствуйте, мальчики..." You continued, your cheeks growing impossibly red, "С-Cмотрите на меня в окно.."

- "That's enough. Stop. Stop it." Nikto demanded, aiming his gun right at you again, "how do you know that? That night?"

- "Cause it's me Nikto! I'm a girl!" You exclaimed, getting annoyed yourself. You practically just performed for the bastard, and now he was still trying to shoot you, just like you figured.

- There was a moment of silence. And Nikto stood there, as if needing to process everything that just happened.

- "Put on the helmet." He demands. And you don't defy him, placing your helmet on, the change in your voice is like night and day,

- "I didn't think it mattered this much, I'm sorry." You said genuinely. Your voice deepened to it usual state, confirming your indentity.

- There a few more moments of silence before Nikto coughs, grabbing your attention. He straightens himself. Lowering his gun and putting the safety back on. There's a sense of embarrassment in his movements, he's tense, and avoiding your eye contact.

- "It...it doesn't matter. We'll just shower tomorrow morning." He says and hurries off. Another vulnerable moment with you, what was wrong with him?! He hated himself right now. For having never realized, and for having threatened you.

- Nikto did hold you in high regards, not that he would ever tell you or another soul. He respected your dedication to the work, and after that night in the cabin, a mutual but unspoken trust was formed bewteen the two of you. You never had a moment like it afterwards. Well. Until now.

- You don't dare go after Nikto in that moment, but you want to. It's late, and if you woke everyone else up and made them aware of the situation, only god knows what would happen. So you shower and head off to bed, replaying senarios in your mind, planning what you'd say to Nikto first thing in the morning.

- Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you see it, he beat you to it.

- You were still sleeping when a heavy-handed Knock came to your door, sending you scurrying out of bed for your gear. You reach for your helmet until you hear the voice on the other side.

- "Hey... Its Nikto...let us in, please." He says, his voice gruff and demanding as usual but theres something else there....Pleading? Hoping?

- You freeze, fiddling with your helmet before deciding its not worth it. You quickly move to open the door, making sure noone else is around before ushering Nikto in.

- He takes a moment to look you up and down. You're not wearing any gear now. Just some plaid pajama pants and a white tanktop.

- He sighs, shaking any stray thoughts from his head. "We should talk. About last night." He finally states, and you agree with a simple nod, motioning for him to sit next to you on your bed.

- It feels like last time, except the cards have been flipped, this time, it was your secrets that were being spilled, and Nikto had the questions.

- "Why?" He asked flatly, "why hide your gender?"

- "Why hide your face?" You fire back, rolling your eyes at him like it was obvious, "for privacy, same reason as you, as Krueger. We don't want anyone knowing what we look like, our identities" you said, using another member of the allegiance, Sebastian Krueger, as an example.

- Nikto's eyes dart down in thought, and he nods, "I see."

- Theres more silence, it seems that was a recurring theme between you two, long bouts of silence. Never once did either of you try to force conversation. It came naturally.

- Nikto really appreciated that about you in this moment. It allowed him to get his thoughts straight, arguing with the voices for a bit before he opens his mouth again.

- "No one has to know." He says, like its that simple, and stands up. He starts for the door and you move to follow, a hand on his bicep.

- "Nikto wait- that's it?" You ask, confused, but what did you really expect? Nikto wasn't the type to gossip. If information needed to be gathered and brought back his superiors, he would. But that wasn't what he was asked to do.

- "да, that's it." He said standing the in the doorway with finality.

- He shut the door behind him with a click and you stood there dumbfounded. Did any of that really just happen, or was all of this one big dream you were about to wake from?

- You pinched yourself with a winced and cursed under your breathe. This was reality. Could you really trust Nikto with this secret? Without blackmail? Without shame?

- Apparently, yes. As you would come to find out. In fact, you soon realize that this whole incident only made you and Nikto somehow closer.

- In battles, during tight situations, he was always there. Freeing you from the enemies grasp, carrying you with a bullet wound in your back. He was your personal guard.

- He wasn't being more protective just cause he knew you're a girl, he knew you were deadly. He's seen what you're capable off. No. You come to learn Nikto does this as a display of affection. Subtlety showing his appreciation for keeping his secrets, and in return, he keeps your's, and keeps you alive as well.

- After one particularly long mission, you're walking alongside each other, covered in dirt and grime, heading to the showers as the sun set and everyone heads for bed.

- You two showered together now, of course, broken up by thin curtains. It was a bit intimate, but it was an easier agreement than an already insomnia ridden-Nikto getting up at ungodly hours of the morning to shower.

- As you're walking together you nudge him gently, "good work today. You still fight well for a guy your age." You tease. Nikto knew full well you were hiding a shit eating grin under than helmet of yours, grimacing at you.

- "Yeah, good work to you too... For a girl." He says back venomously, earning him a playful punch.

- "Bastard! Don't be so loud about that!" You scold while whisper-yelling, but Nikto can still hear the smile in your voice. And knows its in jest.

- "It would be a shame if the others knew what a pretty little woman you really were."

- "It would be a shame if the others knew about the smiley face tattoed on your buttcheek."

- Both of your faces are red and concealing mischievous grins. This was you and Nikto's relationship now. Learnings eachothers secrets, and using them to pick on eachother. Playful banter.

- Everyone around base notices what you two are doing...just FUCK already you two... Damn. The tension is killing everyone.

- You and Nikto will probably end up together after a while more of this, its inevitable. You're just unjudgemental enough to deal with his freak, while also being one of the only solider's on base willing to put up with his terrifying, intimidating aura for long periods of time!

- Nikto always kind of liked you, as a man, and even now as a woman. And sharing your secrets only solidified that attraction in his mind. You were his милый, and he would keep you and your secrets safe for as long as he lived.

AHHHH HOLY FUCKING SHIT SORRY IF THE END FEELS RUSHED I TRIED TO CONCLUDE THIS LONG ASS STORY, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH YAP I HAD IN ME😳

The song Nikto was humming is Кино - Алюминиевые огурцы, and was inspired by a comment on my post about Russian and Austrian musc left by @weepingmagazinesandwich and once I heard that song I knew I had to use it in a writing piece its just so sweet. The two playlists were made btw I just never publicly posted them (also cause Nikto's list is chronically short, and Krueger's playlist is already almost hours long) so- idk if y'all want those posted but lmk👍 I hope you enjoyed this- whatever you'd call it. Idk what to call the reader in this. Disguised!reader sounds so silly.

I have a sfw agere krueger drabble comin out soon, and I just started writing big chunks of the hubby!gromsko x reader hcs.

[bumblingbabooshka]

I can't read Janeway/Chakotay if Tuvok isn't there with the same energy of a passenger in the backseat putting his foot on Chakotay's chair and slowly increasing the pressure so Janeway doesn't notice but Chakotay does. Bc. He should have been in the front seat. And Janeway's the one who asked "Do you mind getting in the back, Mr. Tuvok?" and he said it was fine, absolutely fine, and she thought nothing more of it but everytime Chakotay glances in the rearview mirror he can see that man's eyes staring back at him. I know people cast Tuvok as the wingman in Janeway & Chakotay's tragic love story but I think it'd be way funnier and perhaps even MORE tragic if anytime Janeway tried to softlaunch the idea of Chakotay as a romantic interest Tuvok conveniently had a memory about her and Mark Johnson to share. Do You Remember when we all went to the Recreation of The Ancient Olive Garden, Captain? And you said you two were Mates of Each Other's Soul? That just occurred to me for some reason. Anyway, what were you saying about Chakotay? After Mark Johnson is out of the picture for good, Tom teases that Janeway & Chakotay would make a good couple and Tuvok, serious as a heart attack and with a dire warning in his eyes/tone (insulting the captain is a grave offense) says that the captain would Never do something like that. She is a woman of morals. She is a woman who holds herself to a high standard. She would Never. And Tom never brings it up again and Janeway is both touched by Tuvok's belief in her and...something else. Something that feels like being doomed. Tuvok doesn't even dislike Chakotay at this point, it's not about him at all - it's All about Janeway. Like, personally I don't think Tuvok would be that personally invested in Janeway's romantic life one way or another (they seem to me like they'd be uncomfortable talking in depth about that kind of thing) but if he's going to be invested wouldn't it be so funny, so intriguing, for him, as the only member of Voyager who has pre-existing history with Janeway, to represent the Past. The things Janeway wants to return to, what she fights to keep alive - and this is shown to us the audience through Tuvok reinforcing and nurturing her belief that she should NOT become romantically involved with her first officer? Janeway has standards for herself...and Tuvok will Ensure she lives up to them. Because he believes in her ability to do so. They are 'in this together', are they not? They will assist one other, will they not? Like always.

[midnight-pluto]

ROUND 2 : PG.07 — my nostalgia

ROUND 2: dazai osamu x gn!reader

SYNOPSIS: When you decided to attend Chuya's volleyball game, you didn't expect to see a familiar face. A face of someone you thought you would've never seen again; what's more annoying however, is seeing said face repeatedly.

round 2 master list || prev. || next

NOVEMBER 2 ; 18:12

IN ALL HONESTY, Dazai didn't think he'd make it to senior year. Never planned on it, never made plans for his future, never thought it'd be worth it to live so long in this world.

Maybe that's the actual reason he pushed everyone he once knew away, so it'd hurt less once he was gone. So they wouldn't mourn longer once his dead body made it onto the news, what would the news even say about him?

A bright young man with a future ahead of him, struggled with depression and resorted to self-harm as a way of coping, but ultimately succumbed to it and killed himself.

Yeah, sounds about right.

Anyone who actually knew him would say differently though. He wouldn't be described as a "gentle and kind peer" like most victims of suicide, it would sound more like.

"Always having a shit-eating grin on his face, would never accept any kind of help for his mental health. He was pretty smart though, I'll give him that."

"He was a weirdo, always carried around a 'Guide to Suicide 101' book or something. Guess he finally succeeded, he got what he wanted though at least."

The only people Dazai could think of who wouldn't say something like that was Chūya and you.

Come to think of it however, you both would most likely would most likely find a way to bring him back to kill him with your bare hands.

It was a funny thought because it would probably never happen, but you coming back into his life was something he thought would never happen again either.

And you managed to do it so effortlessly. With random tweets he sent out, you were there leaving a silly comment under it along with you being the first person to come to mind whenever something occurs.

Just like how it was years ago.

Thoughts were a continuous stream in Dazai's mind as he looked out upon the open waters of the dock as his back was leaning against the bench he was sitting on, whilst the wooden planks creaked under your footsteps.

'He looks like a freshly divorced depressed dad sitting like that.'

You had just stopped nearby to get a cup of hot chocolate as the weather began to get chillier when you saw the sight of a familiar head of brown sitting on the bench. Dazai's brown strands swaying with the wind as he gazed out at the sparkling water in the sun's light.

Stepping closer to him, he tilts his head up, as he's met with the sight of you.

"Dazai?" you ask, trying to confirm his conscience being present as he looked spaced out prior to your interruption.

He parts his lips to say something, but shuts them with a smile to say something else, "Call me Osamu."

"Huh?" you quirk up a brow, not expecting his words. You both were far from mending and recreating the bond you once shared, however you never expected for him to want you to drop the formalities so quickly.

Your lips quickly formed a smirk as your mind found a perfect way to tease him, "That was so cringe of you to say, Osamu."

He simply scoffed at your words, "You never like formalities, you're the cringe one."

"Nuh uh.”

"We're not doing this right now."

"Bruh." Tilting your head slightly caused a resounding 'pop' to illicit from your neck, "Anyways do you want some hot chocolate? I just got mine and I don't mind heading back in again.

Closing his eyes in pseudo-thought, the brunet smiled with a resounding, "Sure," escaping his lips.

STICKY NOTES

meant to post this yesterday but to caught up with other things 🫡

TAGLIST : @heeslovr @atlasnessie @cvidy @rattyrattyratty @chaos-inperson @almond-t0fu @rwura @fyodorisbbg @lalalaloveallmydays @milksh-ke @phoenix-eclipses @saeandscaralover @stuffeddeer @staymoarmyzen @hotwomanlythings @ashthemadwriter-uwu @strawberryuri [ if you want to be added, send me an ask or feel free to comment! ]

[coff-in]

You know that last post about Andy being a reluctant sex maniac? It occurs to me if he really could just bust that hard on a daily basis, he'd probably like to experiment a little with it (maybe in a way that won't put someone in a hospital though). Say maybe you're stuck without food so he makes a, say, special bowl of clam chowder- extra thick and salty, just for you. (No you can't ask how he made it. It's a secret. Shut up. No don't share it with Ashley she can get something on her own.)

Then, by some miracle, you actually like it enough that you might try it again later, and he feels like just hearing that feedback gave his body the express command to refill right the fuck back up with enough for another few batches. Then, if he gets the food needed (probably from a more resourceful [reader] scrounging up some more ingredients) he starts putting it in other things he makes when nobody else is looking- the mayonnaise in your sandwich, the glazing of some rolls, the batter for some pancakes, a special protein shake- you think he's really on a roll with learning new recipes and getting some passion for the culinary arts during these rough days, but at the heart of it he's really just gotten addicted to the thought of filling you up with his jizz.

Somehow I think Ashley would do something similar- though she probably wouldn't be as good at hiding it or being too subtle. If it wouldn't be putting her cum into random things you and Andy had to eat, it'd be her bargaining a random neighbor off to a devil so she can lactate at will, then insisting on pouring you all a nice glass of milk for breakfast each day. And if she ever actually gets to know about Andrew and sees he's also doing funny shit with what you've been serving, she'd egg him on to go further and combine their "resources" to see what they can get away with, and ask for discreet lessons in cooking so she can feed you her own tainted dishes. And you'd be so, so incapable of just turning the two down, because as far as you know, hey, they made it for you! Poor, immature Ashley learned to make something nice from her sweet big brother just to make you happy! You wouldn't turn down a helping of special-made, sugar-glazed, extra-protein pancakes just because they taste a little off sometimes, would you?

notes from coff-in: reluctant sex maniac andrew my beloved <3 you guys don't understand the emotion i felt waking up at 6 o'clock in the morning and seeing that in my inbox. went through several stages of disgusted, amused, and horny. andrew must be tired slinging that huge log between his legs, having everyone tease him about that thick outline in his pants or the round bulge... he could hide it in me if he wants to

[gender neutral] reader-insert, NSFW

if [reader] was like me they'd eat anything edible without question. andrew hands them fucking extra creamy clam chowder and [reader]'s like "aw hell yeah, thanks :)" like NOO??? where tf did he get EXTRA CREAMY CLAM CHOWDER??? and why can't ashley eat any??? wouldn't question anything, just thankful to be eating something while stick in quarantine

the "mayo" sandwich is so funny for that fan service/horny potential because maybe andrew adds too much and when [reader] takes a bite, the mayo just squirts out the sandwich from the other end. they scoop it up with their fingers and then suck it, running their tongue over their fingers going "mmmh! it's kinda salty but it's tastes good!" andrew's watching [reader] eat with wide eyes and feels another batch weighing heavy in his balls, waiting to enter [reader]

i like to think that in this scenario that [reader] is good friends with andrew and ashley. yeah sometimes [reader]'s eyes wander towards andrew's uncomfortably, unreasonably big and needy endowments (never letting that go) but they still like andrew for the cynical english nerd that he is and ashley for the annoying and teasing girl that she is. i think that's how ashley came to think "yeah... i wanna feed them my fluids"

she'd be so teasing about it, hinting that it's "made with love" and it's a "family recipe" while they drink coffer made with her breast milk (maybe it's a breast milk tea for [reader] if they don't like coffee). it's a crazy thought seeing ashley standing over a dead body in the middle of a pentagram talking to a demonic entity "i want to be able to lactate" crazy...

andrew and ashley sneak around the kitchen so they could have their "cooking lessons" while [reader] is sleeping. i think [reader] would try to make them something in return, an honest and genuine attempt at a meal to say thank you to them "i know it's not as good as your food but i really appreciate you guys and the food you've been making me" it touches andrew and ashley's hearts

they get off to the idea of [reader] taking the "special ingredients" straight from the source :3

----

coff-in

[childotkw]

Hi jordan! Hope you're doing well! It's flourdove (to clarify because username change aha) - I've been doing my seasonal ybtm reread and my annual surf through the ybtm tag on your tumblr (just full of gems. Dopamine hit goes crazy). Lots of stray thoughts...

This time around I've been reading especially slowly to soak in all the details (it's a trend. I go slower for each reread) and I can't believe I actually missed the elder wand detail in the beach/shade scene and THEN missed the implications in the first (I believe) Grindelwald scene when he mentions the wand disappearing and then coming back with grains of white sand on it. Want to smack myself on the head for that because even though it's not necessarily... a huge detail (I think) it's still something that's kinda embarrassing to miss aha I've been thinking about if Nathan actually lived through his accident and Harry never came to take his place, and how exactly all that would go, especially in regards to characterization because amnesia can be wild considering how it varies from case to case. That AU would be interesting imo and it is Tempting to try and take it on - though if I did, I might be biting off more than I can chew (I am not the plot genius of genius master that you are). one day (one day...)

Also have been chewing on Harry-Turns-Into-Simon AU, I love big brother potter and it Hurts. I think the image of Tom nagging Simon!Harry would be very funny and also disconcerting because I have a hot white hatred for that child (as much as I'd like to pick at his brain) regardless... hope you're having a good day! I am waiting very patiently for ybtm21. Have a polite lioness

(2/2) I forgot to add this before hitting send on my last ask but for nathan lives it'd also be. Real Amnesia. If the tangent on how amnesia varies didn't make it clear sorry!!!

--- -- --- -- --- -- ---

Hello love! Thanks for the update - and congrats on your new username! And thank you for the lion 🥰

Ahhhh yes, the elder wand! I did sneak that one in there hahah Grindelwald is very much befuddled by what's going on with it, but the pieces are kinda coming together for him 😂

If Nathan never got taken over, and Harry never came to be in this time, I think that would be a very dark timeline indeed. Nathan would either go one of two ways - he would continue to drown under the weight of the horrific treatment he was being subjected to, or he would, with a truly stunning amount of courage, find a way to overcome things.

Because I want my boy to be happy, let's say it's option two.

Maybe Nathan wakes up, disorientated and confused, but accepting of what the doctors tell him. He was injured, he hit his head, he has amnesia. It's not quite a 'factory reset' but it does lead to some changes in his personality and reactions to things.

He's convinced by his parents to take his time with his recovery, and then, most likely, to remain home-schooled rather than return to Hogwarts. Nathan has no drive to go back to the castle anyway, since he can't remember anything about it, and Simon's horrible whispered words have told him that whatever bullying had occurred, it had occurred there.

So, our boy is home-schooled, and what do you know? When taken out of a crushing and toxic environment where everyone is out to get him, Nathan flourishes. His tutor is a kind but strict woman who pushes him at just the right speed to get him to excel.

He takes his OWLs and his NEWTs months and years in advance with her hand guiding him and his ambitions, and he passes both with flying colours because he's had a dedicated teacher that's only focus is on him, not hundreds of other students.

Nathan doesn't know exactly what he wants to go into - he doesn't think he has the right temperament to be an auror, despite some boyhood dreams of his - so he instead turns his focus to the Unspeakables.

Normally, being hired as an Unspeakable doesn't happen straight out of school, and especially not to someone graduating years before they usually should. It requires decades of study to even be considered. But Nathan's tutor, who is more well connected than even he knew, gets him an interview. He gets himself the job.

It's boring work initially, being a gopher for his older colleagues, but as he proves his competence and knowledge, they start getting him onto more and more interesting, and dangerous, projects because the Unspeakables play fast and loose with rules and what do they care if he's not hit his majority? He wears the robes and the mask. He's one of them

Nathan loses years down in the dark bowels of the Ministry, but they are some of the best years of his life. He distantly hears about Grindelwald's defeat, and the frantic running of his Acolytes all across the globe, but pays it no mind because the device in his hands is far more fascinating.

Around that time, he gets a letter from his old tutor, asking to meet.

He goes, of course he does, because he hasn't seen his parents in months and has been ignoring their letters even longer, but Leopolda was always offered him just that bit more than Benedict and Cynthia could with their love forever tainted with guilt.

More encouragement. More praise. More advice. More magic.

That's why he does nothing when she introduces him to her brother, Klaus. That's why he says nothing when she admits to who and what they are.

That's why he takes her hand when she asks for help.

Nathan's an Unspeakable, and he specialises in wards - making them, destroying them, twisting them.

He can guess why they've come.

[laventadorn]

I absolutely love how you've portrayed Sirius! That mix of intensity, obsession, and childishness—it's so on point. He even gave me a more profound and vivid feeling than the canon did. I'm really curious, does Sirius already know that Harriet has a crash on Snape? If he finds out Harriet likes Snape and they're together, what would his reaction be? (Feels like it'd be so interesting, haha!)

aw, thank you! :3

i've gotten asked this question a fair amount over the years, which is interesting! to me, the answer is so obviously that he would absolutely try, legitimately try, not just jokingly attempt, to murder snape lmao

he has slightly less than his usual hateful feelings toward snape right now in NJE Chapter Whatever, but this would absolutely not survive the knowledge of snape and harriet being together, or even the idea of it being a thing they both desired.

he has zero idea that harriet likes snape. it would never occur to him in 20 million years that anybody in any universe could have romantic inclinations toward snape. if he learned about it, he would just straight up not believe it. it would be like someone presenting me with Irrefutable Proof that aliens built the great pyramids: i'd just be like "lol" and walk off.

if sirius was confronted with actual proof he couldn't erase that this was reciprocal liking, and that it was romantically realized, his reaction wouldn't be funny, to my mind agkajgkahj it would be a huge problem! cuz i'm not talking "hey that's my goddaughter, paws off!" i'm talking about a guy who in canon showed every appearance of thinking that murdering snape was a normal way to deal with their personal problems when they were both kids. and then he spent 12 years having his brain magically degraded by evil parasites in prison. he was never stable; he's honestly kinda unhinged now.

he and snape in canon genuinely despised each other and would've been for real happy if the other died. this situation has only sliiiiiightly improved in tner, but it would never survive The Truth. harriet being in love with this Death Eater would in no way be something sirius could accept or deal with.

don't ask me how i plan to resolve this, anybody, i ain't telling! skfjjakgkjgj <3

[mixelation]

reborn au: sometimes tori should be allowed to win. as a little treat

iwa fails team 4, which is just funny. i was debating minato just promoting itachi bc he'd have the missions for it, but actually i think it'd be funnier if he went and took a formal exam in a way that somehow pre-empts deidara from doing it? idk how that could work, but i think it would be Fun if both deidara and itachi won the tournament in their exams, and for that they'd have to take them separately

(it might make more sense logistically if itachi was like "why do i care? i'm an ANBU captain. i already have the paycheck/security clearances" and then deidara solos the next exam and itachi is like ".....wait i can't let him win" and solos the NEXT one. but also i think the laws of the universe are such that itachi should advance first, because it would piss deidara off)

anyway the point is. tori applies for R&D immediately and spends all her free time slinking around & then complaining she's not allowed to do her own projects

minato after she's tried some insane manipulations to take over R&D: (squints at her) yeah, because you're a genin. just apply to be a chunin?

it has not once occurred to tori she could be promoted the regular way. she's used to just like.... infecting a space, like a fungus. and then people get used to her enough that she gets to do what she wants.

tori: what is rank to a fungus?

deidara: what the fuck are you talking about? just take the exam. you'll get a raise and then we can afford a nice ass apartment together

anyway tori signs up for the next chunin exam feeling extraordinarily like she's doing some sort of weird undercover mission. she's not a ninja in her mind, she just plays one on tv. then kushina is like "ohohoho so are you going to keep up the team reputation and win the tournament???" and tori is like ".....no?" but both deidara AND itachi make the same joke

tori: i think you're really overestimating me 8|

it's not that tori doesn't think she can't take on any task they might throw at a chunin, or that she won't pass. akatsuki had her doing missions as a civilian, okay, she can handle chaos and responsibility and the associated danger. she just never, ever picks "fight" as her first solution to a problem... and the chunin exam tournament is just a fight. there's no changing parameters or redefining your win condition to force the outcome in your favor. it's just.... a fight. which she's iffy at

kushina: oh, i get your problem. your baseline is whack

tori: no no, i'm pretty sure there's lots of thirteen year olds that could beat me up

kushina: do you know what makes a ninja good-- like, actually good? it's not being the strongest. it's being able to go up against someone who's stronger than you and winning anyway. and a lot of people won't ever be able to do that, but you definitely could

so tori goes and takes her exam and it turns out the average thirteen year old sucks!!! she wins easy!!!

tori: what the FUCK

then she goes home and is like "i won? i don't get it??" and two weeks later she's a special jounin* because minato wants her to have the associated permissions

minato: go on, go do fuinjutsu reearch to your heart's content

tori: ;^; i am going to make the MOST forbidden technique

minato: please don't

*special jounin in my mind is for people who have a specialized jounin-level skill but don't qualify for a full jounin promotion, because those people need increased security clearances and shit compared to a standard chunin. it's not EXACTLY a rank between chunin and jounin because there's a lot of variation in abilities within in it... like at this point tori would basically be an average chunin in terms of combat but also capable of making up s-rank techniques on the fly

[teecupangel]

So I'm replaying FF7 and so I'm thinking about the Desmond as the same species as Nanaki au (I can't remember if Guardian Beat is Canon or not) again and how fun (for us) it would be to drop him where he'd get picked up by by Shinra to play on his Abstergo trauma

Also imagine being Nanaki you believe for years that you're one of the last two of your species until you give yourself up so your friend can escape and find another one of you had been captured who knows how long ago

I don't really know about how everything ends would go past Regular FF7 but Des is there past Nanaki thinking des has amnesia because of the experiments and deciding to take Des under his wing and that Jenova arrived on Gaia through the use of a POE whether she's an actual Isu that was wiped by the travel or just an experiment

Also also since Nanaki's species is so long lived it'd be funny if Desmond's age was 1:1 instead of an equivalent age so he's around early teenage age for Guardian Beasts

Here is the original Desmond is the same species as Nanaki in AC world idea

So, for this one, Desmond will be booted into FFVII world in his new body and, to show our love for him, he will be experimented on in a different facility and will be saved by the main party during their adventure.

This way, Desmond would have some time to be isolated to hammer in the Abstergo kidnapping ‘flashbacks’.

And when the party finally saves him, that’s when he’ll be comforted by Nanaki. Nanaki, of course, is out of his depths and asked help from someone who has experience with children (because, in his eyes, Desmond is still a child).

Barret.

So while the party is traveling to their next destination, Desmond has to watch Nanaki and Barret try to… well… act around him like he was a kid.

He wasn’t.

But no one was listening. Nanaki seemed to believe that he’s in his ‘rebellious period’.

Then Sepiroth appears and calls Desmond ‘uncle’ and people are now going “??????”

.

Unorganized Notes:

Up to you nonny how Desmond looks but I kinda like the idea that his right front paw is black and looked burnt. Everyone believes Shinra had something to do with that.

Everyone thinks Desmond has amnesia because of Shinra’s experiments. Desmond never bothered to correct them because no one was going to believe he was from another world, after all

He lets Aerith and Tifa braid him and he likes the feather they pinned on his head because it reminds him of Ratonhnhaké:ton.

He absolutely fights using some kind of blade attached to his legs like some sort of spur made by Yuffie.

Sepiroth calls him uncle because…

Jenova isn’t an Isu but a lifeform created by the Isus as a test subject. Specifically, she’s made by Juno and Aita and was the test subject to see if traveling to another world would be a feasible solution to get away from the incoming Solar Flare.

It failed in the sense that Jenova’s genetic structure got fucked when she crossed worlds and that’s how she started her intergalatic travel.

The same problem occurred to Desmond but Desmond’s genetic structure became the same as Nanaki’s species instead of Jenova.

So yeah. Sepiroth calls him uncle because Desmond is technically a product of Juno like Jenova herself. In his mind, Desmond and his mother shared a common ‘parent’.

[tcfactory]

personally i think it'd be super funny if sy doesnt even realise the wolf is sj's daemon. like, he assumes its some lofty crane or secretive cat, a wolf never even occurs to him (because hes a beast nerd and i KNOW he'd know wolves are pack animals who need connection and companionship) so he thinks this wolf beast is just that. and if it's unfortunate enough to be tied to sqq? nothin he can do about that. he has no idea the level of trust being placed in him. hes too busy spoiling the wolf.

Omg that would be funny. His 'amnesia' is so inconsistent that nobody would bother to fill him in unless he asks, they just assume that among all the things he remembers, he remembers the peak lord's daemon. Plus they don't want to remind him, in case the rumors about Shen Qingqiu being responsible for the death of his daemon are true.

But he doesn't know. Has no idea at all. Maybe in PIDW Shen Qingqiu never called his daemon to him and instead told it to run as far away as it can, so Bingge can't break SQQ completely (lot of good it did, it died anyway when SQQ learned about YQY's death).

So Shen Yuan has no idea.

"Oh, so as peak lord it must be his responsibility to look out for the spirit wolf after its master died. I get that he hates everyone on his peak, but he really should put in at least a little effort!" He thinks to himself, then goes on an unscripted two hour rant about the care and needs of a wolf this big. "...and don't forget to take it out to socialize with other wolves! It's important for the well-being of a pack animal like this, they are really social and-"

"Do I look like I want to spend time with Liu-shidi?"

Wait, Liu Qingge has a pet wolf? Makes sense, Shen Yuan thinks, it's probably kept as company for his wolf daemon. Way to go, war god! "It's tame enough that maybe a very big dog would work...?"

"Zhangmen-shixiong is out of the question too."

Oh wow, all these peak lords keeping big pets and Shen Yuan had no idea!

[theneighborhoodwatch]

uhhh wally/barnaby for the ship thing?? idk if you ship them im just guessing because youve rbed some art for it lmao

(send me a character/ship to hear my thoughts)

when or if I started shipping it: [friendly shrug that communicates absolutely nothing]

my thoughts: IT'S FUNNY, I... I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD FEEL WAY MORE STRONGLY ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP BEING ROMANTIC THAN I DO? especially considering that "eccentric and traumatized manic pixie nightmare guy obsessed with fulfilling some fictional archetype x his more cynical and worldly friend-slash-colleague who starts out supportive but eventually finds himself way out of his depth" was pretty much the Exact dynamic of the last ship i was invested enough in to call an otp. so far though, any moments they have together don't get much more out of me than "ooh, interesting, i wonder if/how that's gonna come into play later," or "oho, i think my friend who ships barnwally will get a kick out of this," or "aaaghghg fuck.... buddy comedy angst...." i think my thoughts on them right now can be best summarized as ... i am excited for when there is enough About them in canon to finally make me as emotional over them as i am about, like, franklydear or wally and home. but also even if their relationship is never explicitly or even implicitly romantic then i have more than enough reason to believe it will still be just as emotional and rich with Themes. TL;DR: i know they're gonna fuck me up Some day, but that hasn't happened yet.

What makes me happy about them: they genuinely like each other! i feel like with welcome home's whole Thing of its characters' predetermined roles coming into conflict with their reality it'd be really easy to have one of them secretly hate or resent the other from the get-go, but - no, wally trusts barnaby to always have an answer for what he's feeling or experiencing and barnaby is gentler and more upfront with wally than he is with almost any other character (although considering his general personality that may not be saying much HAHA.) it makes it a lot easier to get invested in them and subsequently dread what effect The Horrors will have on their relationship.

What makes me sad about them: so, like. wally probably knows why he and barnaby are friends to begin with, i.e. he probably knows that A Higher Power decided that they should be friends, and so it was done. the possibility that wally can exist beyond what his audience/creator(s) expect of him does not seem to have ever occurred to wally himself. what i'm getting at here, is that. wally may genuinely like being friends with barnaby, yes. but liking something because you chose to seek it out and liking something because you are under the impression that you will somehow cease to exist without it are Two Very Different Things, and the latter is. very dangerous for any kind of relationship. and, fuck, barnaby - if i was barnaby and i found out that that was how my best friend (who i may or may not be in love with) saw our friendship the whole time - if i found out that was the truth and i never noticed it? i would never be able to forgive myself. even if that friend ended up doing things that hurt me or other people or themselves and i was rightly upset with them for that, there would always be that little voice in the back of my head telling me that if i had just looked closer for two seconds i could have fixed it. i could have helped him. i could have shown him i was a real friend.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: i don't seek out WH fic all that often, but i remember when it first became a thing a lot of explicitly romantic barnaby/wally fic made barnaby a little too earnest/mushy for my liking? like yeah, he cares about wally and is gentle with him and everything, but he is also very quick to tease wally and to dress up pretty much everything he says in at least on layer of irony/clowning around. this pooch does NOT have the emotional self-awareness for the things you want him to say!! i also dislike when authors make another character (usually home or. howdy?) like, over-the-top abusive towards wally so barnaby has more incentive to get with him, but i just don't like character assassination/flanderization in general, so.

Things I look for in fanfic: honestly, just, like. more stuff that actually interacts with WH's canon. i feel like a lot of the stuff i see for them is either AU fic or smutty oneshots that don't do a whole lot to incorporate canon elements. which, like, do whatever you want forever, but i'm Starvin' over here.

My kinks: y'know i was gonna be like "teehee, wrong blog! you're not getting that here, silly!" but. i actually have no idea what kinks i would consider Only in the context of wallaby. uhhh. ask for my nsfw blog if you wanna hash that out i guess.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i'm very curious to see if canon is going to end up making a case for laughingstock. i don't know if it will but i think it would be very funny. as for wally... [looks at his relationship with home] uh. [looks at his relationship with W/the WHRP] umm. [looks at his relationship with the audience] fuck. maybe work on yourself a little bit before thinking about sharing your life with someone again, buddy.

My happily ever after for them: an animated music video set to on melancholy hill by gorillaz. it opens with wally sitting in front of home's burning remains at night, gazing mournfully into its eyes one last time. the only sound we hear is the crackling of the fire. we smash cut to black for a split second before the song begins to play, paired with the visual of wally driving down a long highway at sunset, in what is very clearly a hastily painted over mail truck that used to belong to eddie's post office. after the opening instrumental of the song, the footage alternates between three perspectives: wally traveling to his unknown destination, complete with all the hitchhiking, gas pumping, pit stopping, and otherwise less glamorous parts of road travel; the other neighbors trying to put their lives back together after The Bullshit, in particular following barnaby's melancholic point of view as he visits each one/attends their various get-togethers; and finally, the neighbors Braving The Horrors back in the day to fight for a life that best fits their needs rather than that of their long-dead makers. as the song begins to roll to a close, we see the mail truck pull up to an unfamiliar looking house, with a handful of neighbors hanging out on the porch and barnaby leaving out the front door to grab something. the entire scene takes place at sunset once again, meaning everything in is in silhouette. barnaby stops dead in his tracks when he sees the truck, and the others soon follow his gaze. wally opens the door and steps out, his body language hesitant as he takes one step towards barnaby. barnaby begins to walk towards him. we smash cut to black on the final note of the song. the end.

[skeleton-mischief]

You know how in soulmate AUs sometimes there will be a symbol or first words as a soulmark? could we get soulmark symbols or their first words said to their soulmate maybe? As a treat? It will (probably) soothe you from the twitter trauma

I've always loved the idea of soul marks, especially since I find it cute! I have a general idea of how soulmates would work if we're talking about the main 14 skeletons! Personally, I'm not creative enough to think about what the first words would be for the group of skeletons, BUT I can write what some would be like with the realization of meeting their s/o

I imagine that the soul mark would be something placed on the inner wrist or side of the neck for the skeletons! It can be placed anywhere depending on the monster, but these guys have similar anatomy to us so it'd make sense.

Something that looks as faint as a small, ingrained soul is the proper marking that all monsters possess. It barely looks something akin to a tattoo, barely visible and dull to the average onlooker. Monsters naturally can see it, but Humans don't even realize that they have this so called mark.

However, what would make it unique is that these markings have the ability to start glowing when in close proximity to their destined soulmate, glowing brighter and hotter. What tends to happen is that when both parties are aware of this said marking, they will often feel the tugging sensations that go with their souls being in closer proximity. For Monsters, it's easier as they continue to spend time together and get to see their souls glowing brighter.

I find it funny to think the skeletons would pick it up so much easier, especially since they're in tune with their souls as much as they are. I imagine that when meeting YN, each would have unique emotions towards this realization or at least responses!

Vanilla: He's the best at hiding how he would feel once he encounters YN. He could run into them at Grillbys, at the store, in a park, anywhere really. He'll treat them like any other friend or companion, trying to get you to laugh as he's keeping his hands in his pockets or subtly rubbing the hand he shook your hand with as he feels that tingling, hot sensation on his wrist. He's trying so hard not to stare at his wrist, to see if he's actually watching what he believes is occurring right before his eyes. When he's done meeting you and having to go back home, he just doesn't say anything as he keeps what happens to himself. It's not until he realizes that you're the soulmate of someone else as well that he even says anything to begin with

Cyperus: He didn't mean to bump into you but he can't help the way he rubs his neck when he awkwardly tries to not panic right in front of you. He would stutter and feel less confident in what he says, feeling this desperate need to just wrap you in his arms and shout that you're the one. Of course, he just comes off as a dork, which he wished he didn't since in his opinion he needed to look cool. He practically runs home and debates telling anyone, but he can't hold his secret when Vanilla asks him what's up before he's shaking his brother and screaming. He feels like he may never speak to you again after he practically forgot to ask you your name, or if you're from around the area. But of course, as luck would have it, you live nearby, and he promptly and bravely-! Hides. He's just planning what to do next time he sees you and speaks to you is all!! It's not running away! It's planned out action!!

Powder: He has the skill of Vanilla but the internal panic of Cyperus. The poor fool wouldn't even have to look at his wrist to know that you're the one, the sensation of hot, tingling excitement in his soul and on his wrist tells him everything. He does everything he can to make you laugh when meeting you, trying to come off as confident despite the way his face is as blue as his scarf. He would at least try to keep it to himself and he can believe that who he saw was his soulmate. However, it'd slip one day and he's already trying to lie his way out of what he said. He hopes to meet you again, unlike Cyperus since he actively goes out of his way to find you again instead. He's a bit better at acting like he's in control of his feelings, despite the way he may stutter or hesitate to touch you after he meets you again

Stretch: Oh buddy. As a skeleton already stuttering, he can barely form sentences at first. He switches his words, stumbles a bit, and even stares longer than he means to when he meets you. His soul is practically singing, his hand his rubbing his neck with each laugh he gives. It's obvious to you that he's awkward, but you find it endearing and just chalk up the blush as him feeling embarrassed rather than attracted to you. When he's home he doesn't even stop to greet anyone, trying to sneak off to his room before he's caught and already stuttering out what happened in a panic. Unlike his brother, he would be mulling over why he had to look so dorky in front of you! Surely you wouldn't want to see him again after that! But he's screwed the next time he sees you, already knowing that he's going to be interacting with you for longer than he expected

Red: Oh. oh. It's you. He just happened to be in the area when he felt it. The way his wrist feels hot and how the mark is glowing before he shoved his hands in his pockets. He can't look you in the eye, his tough guy persona already failing when he asks you if you're alright since you seemed to accidentally have dropped something. He's mumbling a bit, his jokes making him feel more dumb when he fucks it up before he gets to the punchline. That alone gets you to laugh though, your nervousness around him already peeling away with each layer of his scary appearance giving way. He doesn't linger like the others, just willing to let your conversation with him end. He's better at asking you if you're new to the town with how easily he can tell, something he takes note of before giving you some advice and leaving. He's internally freaking out, slightly frustrated because this is something he doesn't know how to deal with. He's not telling anyone, not even to brag that he found someone as pretty and kind as you. The only way someone would find out is when he's venting to Grillby and is given advice to talk to you again when he gets the chance. Just maybe he won't fuck it up?

Pitch: Ah, of course the handsome and talented skeleton would meet you conveniently when he can help you out. Hes so distracted with trying to come off as confident, talented, and impressive to you that he doesn't realize he kind of looks pretentious or at least arrogant. He's been trying to be better at that, so when he sees the way you react to his grandiose speech he knows immediately to apologize the best he can. He clears his throat and mutters that he didn't mean to seem so self absorbed, and that he just wanted you to know since he wanted to prove to you that he had the situation under control after helping you get away from another monster that was bothering you. As he does so, he finds a strange itching on his neck, only to feel the heat beneath his gloves as his expression gives one of a sudden stunned horror. Was this why he felt so scrutinized under your stare? Why he takes your expression as a failure on his part? He excuses himself and just tries to get away from the situation after his apology before instructing you to get home safely before he's already fleeing, not allowing you to even say goodbye. He's tugging his scarf and grumbling by the time he's home, stomping his foot, and so easily overwhelmed the moment Red asks him what's wrong. He's almost exactly like Cypress as he grabs his brother and shakes him, falling to his knees as he dramatically places his gloved hands over his face and mulling over his failure until he plans next to meet you again. Though...he does avoid you the best he can since he thinks he just failed before he could even put in the effort to make it up to you.

I did ponder to keep typing down my headcanons for other skeletons but I decided to stop before this post became too long. I may make some more character headcanons but thats for another time. I got asks to answer >:)

Thank you for reading :-))

[aetheternity]

Synopsis: Just headcanons for Scaramouche with an S/O that has a similar personality to his. (Cause I think it'd be funny).

A/N: Happy birthday to our favorite baby girl Wanderer/Kuni/Scaramouche. When I tell you writing this took every ounce of energy right outta me so everyone better enjoy it.

CW: small mentions of blood / torture and abuse. Otherwise fluffy scenarios. No gender specified.

Introduction

Your boss had worked alongside the Fatui for the entirety of his adult life. Getting them information on people around Teyvat, hosting events for new recruiters and even paying for their weapons on occasion. He'd taken you in after you'd been abandoned only a year prior by your parents. You were too destructive for the rich, privileged lifestyle you'd been born into, he'd explained.

You hadn't seen them since your boss had taken you in. You soon found out later that they'd suffered an early demise. Eventually you discovered that you weren't completely human, his research coming across at least three different traces of elemental energy within your body. You didn't use a vision nor did you need one. However you had no idea how to go about using all the elemental power stored within you.

So for many years to come he extracted your blood for testing. Hooked you up to more machines than you could remember in the hopes you would find a way to focus the energy and use the elements currently dormant within you. The experiments did have a slightly positive effect. To some degree these new powers were active and you managed to use them on occasion just not for too long and not without intense strain on your body.

On the last day you'd seen him was the first day you'd truly experienced what you imagined freedom to be. He'd released you from the lab. Sent you off to what he'd described as one of the recruitment meetings he went to every few months. He'd told you today would be your first time leading the meeting but before you'd even arrived you were attacked.

It didn't take long for your powers to fail and you were bruised, beaten and nearly killed by Fatui members. Just before you'd truly blacked out you heard retreating footsteps followed by a voice you could barely register as the world turned cold.

☆

The bed you awoke in was warm as was the light that stretched across your face from the curtains you couldn't recognize. You glanced to your left confused by the glass of water by the bedside table you'd never seen in the lab before. You sat up stretching a hand out to touch your forehead confused by the bandage covering it.

Before you could say a word a woman you didn't recognize peeked her head in. Her eyes growing wide before she shut the door exiting the room. When she returned you noticed a man standing behind her. His red hair tucked into a ponytail. He slipped past the maid and with a nod she left.

"You look well. Surprising for what occurred only the night before."

"What is this? Who are you?"

"This is hospitality, welcome to the Dawn Winery. I hope we can get to know each other a bit more while you stay."

That was only the beginning. The time before you'd discovered the truth about your parents. The untimely death they'd shared at the hands of your former boss and how he'd almost done the same to you after finding your talents too costly to continue funding.

For three years after you'd been attacked on the streets you spent your life under the watchful eye of Master Diluc and the staff of Dawn Winery. He'd helped you obtain all the information you desired about your past and allowed you to train your skills as much as you could until the day you chose to part from his care for good.

"Stay safe then. If you need help in the future Dawn Winery will be here." You exhaled sharply not being able to stop yourself from latching onto him. You heard him chuckle and felt his chin against the top of your head. His arms around your shoulders.

Someday you'd find a way to properly repay him and someday you would be the hand that ended your former boss' life. Until then you would take time for yourself and properly experience the world you'd never saw.

☆

You realized how little you'd learned about mora management when you traveled into Sumeru nearly flat broke. Your time in Liyue well spent (literally). So to keep from starving to death you took up odd jobs in the Grand Bazaar. The hustle and bustle was quite hard to adapt to and interacting with customers had been more than a bit of a learning experience. But you'd succeeded with flying colors.

It wasn't a bad gig either. You could watch the performances of Nilou and some of the other dancers when your boss left the stall up to you. Your new boss being quite different from your first one as he was closer to you in age and quite understanding.

In your time working you helped many repeat customers but one in particular had caught your eye. He wasn't dressed like a Sumeru resident and he always wore that ridiculously big hat atop his head.

"Just some Sunsettias, thanks." He always ordered fruit from you. While he didn't come around everyday or anything you still found yourself looking out for him on occasion. You told yourself it was simply because you enjoyed the jokes that rapid fired in your mind regarding his hat but after a while..

"Ah, don't tell me you're looking out for your favorite customer." Your boss chuckled

"And how do you figure that, Rainer?"

"You never wanna leave the stand anymore. You must have at least one favorite customer you absolutely have to see." Rainer scoffed, shouldering the heavy crate he'd mentioned to you only minutes before.

"Interesting that your assumption is that I have a favorite customer and not that I just don't care to lift crates all day." You accentuate your point with a 'hmph'

"Sure, I'll take your word for it, Name. I hope he comes for your sake."

"You're so annoying." You sigh

He didn't come that day however. Actually you were starting to believe your mysteriously dressed customer had finally moved nations. That was until you peeked across the Bazaar one day to see him drifting between stalls. He'd stopped at one just across from you and you stared. You blinked harder as if you were somehow conjuring him in a dream and blinking would awaken you.

He only spoke with the carpet salesman for a couple minutes before he was turning around and heading toward you. You willed yourself to react normally however all you could competently do was stare near dumbfounded at him.

"Hello?" He said, his tone a bit harsh

"Yeah, what do you need?" You find your voice.

"I was asking for my normal order." He replied quickly

"Sure I can get that for you."

The normal silence you've grown accustomed to in this stranger gave you an odd feeling this time. As though there were a sort of topic hanging loosely in the air. This interaction didn't have nearly the same emotions that all the previous ones brought upon you. You didn't make a single joke in your head as you piled fruits into a bag before handing it to him and he didn't immediately rush off after giving a short, firm thanks.

"There's this.. spot in Gandharva Ville.. you can see the entire forest from this tree it's the tallest one there. If you're interested in a quiet place to do your writing." He points to the notebook placed atop the counter. Before you could say a word he tossed some mora down, grabbing his bag and quickly heading off.

For a second you stand there purely lost on how to react any further. Your notebook? How'd he even know you enjoyed writing in it?

"You are going right?" You flip around to see Rainer stood just behind you his hands on his hips.

"Why would you care?"

"He's probably going to be waiting for you there, you should go."

"He's just a random customer, it was just a suggestion. Doesn't mean I have to take it."

"A suggestion that would ease your life. He's been watching you I just know it!"

You scoff, banging your hand against the table in front of you. "What will get you to stop talking the fastest?"

"If you agree to go obviously."

"You seriously need a date or something." You grumble, he crosses his arms with a silent glare. "What? I was just joking."

☆

The tree is far better looking than you could've imagined. With a view that seemed as though it could truly never end. The climb had grown rougher as you reached the tops of the branches. The foliage thicker and harder to see through. You find yourself nearly stunned from the branch you'd grabbed, grappling onto a foot you hadn't seen.

Before you could fully let go an arm stretched out to tug you up atop the same branch you'd almost latched onto before. Finally you were met with the same customer you'd been fixated on for who even knows how long now.

"Told you." He says simply, pointing out at the landscape. "No need to thank me, you were always scribbling like the noisy Bazaar bugged you. Well, there isn't much of that out here."

"So you have been watching me?"

"Don't flatter yourself I merely noticed you." He'd replied folding his arms and returning his attention back to the scenery.

"I'd only be flattered if you were someone important. Seems that big hat is carrying a bit of ego too."

He smirks with a scoff, "It's a long way down you know. I suggest you maintain a level of respect especially since you wouldn't have known about this place if not for me."

You huff proudly, "And here I was thinking you didn't want bragging rights."

The first time the two of you eat together

"What are you eating for lunch today?" Wanderer asks as he pays his mora for his usual order.

"I don't know." You shrug

Wanderer had started stopping by a bit more frequently per week. Twice a week now as opposed to the four times a month he'd been doing before. It'd started after you'd climbed the tree to meet him in Gandharva Ville. He'd stayed with you the entire time as you scribbled down notes. Notes regarding your latest performance with the training you did outside of work. He hadn't said too much as you wrote, didn't even say much in the coming days when he'd returned to your stall.

Today however, "There's an eatery nearby. I've never eaten there but I'm going today."

You tilt your head a bit. Slowly muddling over his words. "You're inviting me to join you?"

"I'd have no other reason to bring it up." He crosses his arms.

"Oh, do you plan on getting me whatever I want?" You tease

"Don't be ridiculous I just meant we should go there not that it was some sort of gesture of affection."

"Silly me, I could've sworn in all of your returns to my stall and almost exclusively mine that you'd been looking for someone to hold at night."

He clicks, his teeth with a long exhale. "Forget that I even asked." And with that he high tailed it away. You weren't sure if you'd seen it correctly but you could've sworn you noticed a light pink bloom along his cheeks.

"Seriously?" Rainer huffed smacking the broom he was holding against the floor with a hand positioned on his hip. You merely sighed rolling your eyes and choosing not to engage. Thankful when he didn't push the topic further and just began sweeping again.

☆

Once your break actually did begin you found yourself taking a walk down Treasures street. Your shoes clicking along as you peer between the buildings and around the recreational spaces. Until you'd strolled into the Tavern at the end of the street. Your senses soon greeted by the warmth of the atmosphere and the scent of grilled meat and Charcoal cakes.

You turned to seat yourself at the table in the farthest corner when you saw something that peaked your interest instead. Unconsciously your lips upturned and you headed in the direction of his table seating yourself in front of him.

He doesn't say a word, just glares a bit but you decide to pay it no mind, grabbing your book from your satchel to begin your normal day to day scribbles. You flip to the page before it and read over the notes you'd take the day before only to be interrupted as you scan.

"What are you always scribbling in that book?"

"My progress." You remark without looking up.

Wanderer simply sighs, "Do you want the rest of this? It's not bitter enough for my taste." He slides his plate across the table to you setting his elbows onto the wood.

You take up his offer, taking a quick bite before returning to your book. Though you quickly look up again to see him staring back at you. "Thanks for the food." You say with a smile. He blinks down at your book instead of answering. "It's just notes based on my training regimen. Everyday that I push myself past my previous limit I write down how well I succeeded and how much of my powers I can use currently without fainting or feeling weak."

"How well does it normally work?"

"In the last week I've made no progress." You sigh with a shake of your head, jotting down the hours you spent hitting targets you'd set up with bolts of lightning. "Happens pretty regularly though, sometimes I can go two to three weeks without progress."

He grows silent laying his back against the wall behind his chair. You find yourself thoroughly enjoying the silence however as you'd never experienced enjoyment in being around anyone like this before. Rainer never shut up, always feeling as though he had to keep things from getting too silent. And you definitely couldn't tell him anything because of how loud he talked.

"Your spelling is atrocious and so is your handwriting in general." He randomly butt in.

"Oh, so we're telling the truth now?" You sit up, slapping your pen down on the table.

"You're the one that sat here. You could've gone anywhere else." He pulls the pen from where you'd laid it down taking your notebook as well. A bit forcefully.

"Hey." You grumble walking around the table as he begins to write in your book. When you peek over his shoulder, you notice him slowly correcting your spelling, crossing words out and rewriting them. "Who said you could write in my book?"

"Did no one every teach you how to write? Seriously.. your spelling, the way your words dip down the page. You must go through twenty pages in a week and a half."

"I never asked for your opinion." You grumble, though it doesn't have the bite you'd like.

He slides the chair next to him out and points to it without looking up. "Hurry up and sit I'm going to show you proper spelling and punctuation."

When you get into a fight.

You felt particularly pumped today so when a group of eremites bugged you while you took your normal walk up to Gandharva Ville, you didn't mind settling the score with them. It'd been fairly easy to beat them down though you did feel a bit fatigued by the time the last one fell. You heard the click of shoes and as you turned around you saw the one and only Wanderer walking up the path.

He slid a heel into an unexpectant eremites chest causing the poor sucker to wheeze before flopping against the ground.

"So these guys were your doing, huh." He kicked up some dirt stopping in front of you.

"Yeah, I nailed it. I think that was the best I've ever fought." You pant, trying your hardest to catch your breath.

"And yet you seem-" A yell makes the two of you turn and before you can properly make out the new group of eremites jogging your way. Wanderer shoves you back. "Get out of here, now."

"I don't need help, I can take them!" You grunt, you launch yourself at one, electricity surging in your fist but it quickly dies away. "Ugh!" Suddenly your collar is snatched and you feel warm arms around you. For just a couple seconds you peer back at Wanderer as he holds onto you, a large slender staff coming down against his back. He grunts angrily and then the warmth is ripped away and you're being shoved again.

"Fuck off already!" This time you actually do leave, hightail it all the way into the forest and beneath a tree as the sounds of shouts die down.

You try once more to conjure literally any of the elements you wield but soon find yourself frustrated and a bit dizzy. When you flop to the ground, your journal flips open, colliding with the mud. You shake the gross substance off with a grunt and as you do the pages flip open a smidgen. Along the margins are tiny words. You recognize Wanderer's handwriting. Snarky comments and tiny arrows he'd drawn to indicate things that needed to be fixed.

You gulped reading it all over again. You slide your back up the tree edging yourself forward to head back but before you can you're greeted with a dejected Wanderer. He rubs his elbow with a deep sigh and when you approach he puts a hand out taking a step back but you ignore it.

Your arm slides warmly around to his back and you can feel the scratches where his clothing was ripped. He doesn't acknowledge your affection nor does he embrace you back. Opting to stand still as you hold him.

"You're warm.. but.."

"I'm not human.." He says as though he'd guessed your thought process. You can't quite tell how he's feeling from his words alone. You let him go and he staggers back a bit.

"Let me.. take care of your wounds at least."

"Don't bother." He shakes his head but he doesn't leave. You almost want to kick him for how stubborn he's being.

"It's my fault you got injured just let me take care of it. Consider it payment in some way for the time you wasted teaching me how to spell."

He doesn't reply for a minute you think he's going to turn around and walk away. His eyes shifting back up the path but instead he takes a seat where he's stood. Your eyes grow wide and you rush to his side quickly realizing you don't have much to patch him up with and instead just work to clean his injuries.

"Well if you're not human, what are you then?" You ask as you rub a thin scratch along his back with alcohol rub. He doesn't speak and for a second you think he's ignoring you but his words soon come. Mumbled and low as he says the words,

"I'm a puppet."

What the masses think of your relationship

Nahida had immediately been over the moon to meet you. Though she didn't understand the kind of relationship you two had because Wanderer simply introduced you by name and nothing more.

"Welcome welcome! Wanderer hasn't told me very much about you but I'm grateful that you could stop by. He's been out almost everyday since the date I perceived a change in his behavior. I assumed he'd made a friend but I wasn't sure he'd introduce me."

You cross your arms over your chest sending a glare Wanderer's way. He shifts his gaze away with a tiny smirk.

"Ah, I apologize did I misconstrue your relationship?"

"I'm his partner." You say matter a factly

"Please refrain from making a big deal of it." Wanderer sighs, nearly staring daggers into Nahida.

"Aww even better!" Nahida giggles with a clap of her hands. "I hadn't imagined you'd socialize enough with anyone to achieve a relationship like this. You must be quite special to him."

"Buer.."

"Oh? Is the reserved and distant Wanderer a little embarrassed?" You tease, sticking your tongue out with a small giggle.

"Name.." He grunts

"There's no need to be embarrassed about this Wanderer. I'm thankful that you trust in me enough to share such an intimate chapter in your life and I'm also thankful that you chose to create new bonds after the chaos your life has previously thrown at you. You're doing so well now."

"The sooner you both stop talking the happier I'll be." He says tugging the brim of his hat down to hide his face.

"Though perhaps I should've guessed. He was always buying all that fruit and never eating it. He's not particularly fond of Sunsettias as you've probably realized."

You could see Wanderer in the corner of your eye grinding his teeth in disgust but the only word you could manage was, "Oh."

Oh..

☆

With Traveler however it's a bit more straightforward.

The two of you had just been enjoying a meal when the Traveler and Paimon had walked up immediately acknowledging Wanderer.

"Hey, since when do you go to lunch with people?" Paimon asked turning to look at you. Traveler turned as well with a simple hello.

"This is Name, my partner." Wanderer replies

"Wait what?! Partner as in?? Romantically partner?? Or partner as in organized crime?"

"Take a wild guess." You smile menacingly, folding your fingers and leaning toward the pair in front of you.

"Obviously romantic." Wanderer scoffs in irritation.

"No, no way. You in a relationship with someone?! That's impossible! You're.. you're.. you!"

"Well, wilder things have happened." Traveler finally comments

"Whether or not you believe me is something I care very little about especially since you've interrupted the quiet atmosphere. I'd suggest you both refrain from sticking around here any longer. This is a private gathering" He said, eyes dark almost piercing.

The traveler soon shooed his companion away with a small apology as they both exited the recreational area. Allowing the two of you to have your time again.

"How does the Traveler deal with that.. floating thing? Does it have some sort of off switch?" You ask once it's just the two of you again.

"Ignore that, we were discussing something more important."

☆

The next time the two of you meet Traveler and Paimon it ends up being a bit different.

"Ugh, fine fine Paimon owes the two of you an apology for how she acted before. It was rude of Paimon to say those things about your relationship. Paimon is sorry."

"So you never use the word I? You just repeat your name constantly to refer to yourself?" You question with a raise of your brow.

"Hey! Paimon is trying to apologize. The least you can do is pay attention!"

You turn to Wanderer, "Wow that gets old quick."

"Hey!"

Traveler crosses their arms, "We just thought you two could use an apology."

"Save it. We didn't exactly lose any sleep from our previous encounter. It doesn't matter one way or the other." Wanderer replied

"Ugh you two were made for each other you're both annoying to talk to!" Paimon stomped

"Ditto." You say with a wave as the two leave.

He soon becomes your most important person

"What do you plan to do if they return?"

Wanderer had helped you set up the few belongings you owned in a tiny cabin far far off the beaten path. The dark forest atmosphere perfectly secluding this once abandoned eremite cabin.

"I'll be fine if they come back but if you're that worried why don't you stay with me for a while?" You watch as he rolls his eyes, heading to the corner to place his hat on the dusty desk, clearing away a bit of the dirt first.

"You should heed my warnings instead of brushing them off with one of your snarky comments. Especially when you still have problems controlling your strength or using too much of it and becoming a target

"Whatever, I'll be fine."

You flip yourself around, tugging the pillow you'd gotten from Rainer into your chest.

"Don't tell me your feelings are hurt."

"Just leave already. I'll be fine for the night."

You hear the click of Wanderer's heels against the ground but instead of leaving he stops just behind you. Tugging the pillow from your grasp. You hear it hit the floor but you don't turn around. You feel the bed shift and hear its creaking as he takes the pillows space, pulling you into his arms. You don't say a word and for a while you don't even reciprocate the affection.

"Quit being a brat." He whispers and it lacks all the bite Wanderer normally has towards everyone he interacts with.

"I'm going to get stronger." You whisper into his chest. Fist clenched as you hold a fist full of his shirt. "I'm going to kick my former boss' ass someday. I'm going to be strong. I am."

He tugs you in tighter, his chin resting on the crown of your head. "Train with me for now. I'll make sure you're prepared when that day comes."

Your arms meld around his waist tugging him in closer and the two of you quickly fall into comfortable silence. Before you could even realize it yourself, you were drifting off to sleep. Face flush against Wanderer's soft chest.

His voiceline about you

Sighs. Name is beyond reckless. Takes on unneeded fights with such blatant disregard for the harm it could do. Heads off and just disappears for hours on end. It's all so irritating to put up with. Sometimes I think I'm the most mature one in this relationship. That can't possibly be a good sign. What? You think this is funny? What do you mean irony??

[cryptid-moose]

tattoo hcs for psych characters

Shawn: - Has a shitty, partially faded stick n poke tattoo of a pineapple on his ankle he did when he was 18 or 19 and couldn't afford to get a professional one done - He also has his mom's birthday tattooed on his wrist (professionally done this time), first line in roman numerals, the second in regular english numbers. Having that little reminder of his mom helps him during times when his mental health gets really bad. - Sometime after Henry gets shot Shawn considers getting his dads bday on his other wrist, idk if he went through with it or not tho.

Gus: - Gus doesn't have tattoos cause if his mother were to ever find out it would break her christian heart....and also she'd probably murder him lol /nsrs - He almost got a tattoo when he was drunk, but he bailed out at the last second. This actually happens quite often. - If he did end up getting a tattoo I'd like to imagine it'd be something space themed :)

Juliet: - Has this really cool floral design with lots of big flowers on the back of her shoulder - She wants to get DOZENS of other tattoos but currently hasn't found the time to schedule an appointment, especially cause most of the tattoos she wants to get done would take multiple, hours long sessions

Carlton: - He, unfortunately, committed the cardinal sin of getting your partner's name tattooed. He's got his ex-wife Victoria's name in a fancy font across his collarbone, probably another attempt to save his marriage -He's going to tattoo removal sessions tho thank god -His pain tolerance is usually higher than most people (he literally drank scalding hot coffee without screaming out in pain lmao), but getting a tattoo makes him so physically uncomfortable that i dont think he'd every get one again, despite how fun getting a tattoo of his favorite gun sounds lol.

Buzz: - Buzz canonically has had a Baha Men tattoo (removed), although this was according to Shawn so you can take that information with a grain of salt lol - Probably has a silly little lineart doodle of an alien somewhere - He and Francine have little matching tattoos of baby ducks <3, Buzz's has a cowboy hat and Francine's has a Wild Rag (the bandana thingies), the artstyle is very similar to the soft fluffy artstyle you see in older children's books, kinda like peter rabbit (but not quite peter rabbit) - Little banana wearing a cowboy hat 💪, Buzz likes cowboys and their hats - A couple doodles of his pets - He's like Kurtis Conner except not edgy (i dont actually think Kurtis is edgy thats just the only way i can describe the difference between them and their tattoos lmao)

Karen: - Has an Iris flower tattoo on her upper arm dedicated to her daughter - Probably has a book/movie quote somewhere - Other than that i don't really see her as being much of a tattoo person, she only ever gets tattoos if its something super meaningful to her

Woody: - Woody has a y2k style hello kitty tramp stamp, why? cause i think it would be funny as hell HSUADFVHUFE - He got it completely seriously too, was a gift from a "tattoo artist friend" (random guy he barely knows who bought a tattoo gun on amazon) - The linework is awful, Woody has never actually fully seen the tattoo, he just took the guy's word for it when he told woody it looked sick as hell. - Has shown it off to everyone at the sbpd, no one has the heart or guts to tell him how bad it looks, Lassiter almost did but Chief Vick stopped him - Has genuinely never occurred to him to ask someone to take a photo of it for him so he can properly see it

Henry: - You'd think he'd have a tattoo but surprisingly he doesn't yet - He would've gotten one already if not for the fact hes very indecisive about that stuff, the whole "drawing that will stay on your body for the rest of your life thing" is a lot of pressure for him - He just worries about getting something that he'll end up hating a few years down the line - Has considered getting a tattoo dedicated to Shawn on multiple occasions, but then Shawn pisses him off once more and he drops the idea again for another couple months lmao

[thevoiceofthebard]

Chapter 9 - Uthgerd I: Bleak Falls Barrow

Morndas 18th of Last Seed 4E201 Late Evening

Uthgerd

The name's Uthgerd. The Unbroken. It's a good, strong name that I earned because of my unbreakable will. No beast has broken it. No woman, either. And certainly no bloody man.

So then why'm I five tankards in for the fourth night in a row?... Oh right, I killed a man. No, not a man, a boy. A whelp with a big mouth and no arm. Fuck. What's the point of all the mead if I can still remember my sins at the end of the night. I guzzle down the last swig, and slam the tankard down. "Hulda. 'Nother."

Within a minute, the barmaid pours more mead into my tankard. And there's a queer look on her face. Worry? Disappointment? Can't tell. That's good. Not that I care anyway. I've enough coin from my last jobs to sit here for the next fortnight. Well, maybe less at this rate. Maybe I'll switch over to Honningbrew... Black-Briar is expensive.

It's a decent night at the Bannered Mare. Busy, but not packed. Meek... Mack... The bard is making eyes at some girl while he plays his flute. Saadia is serving people. Thankfully, no one has tried to invade my lone corner tonight. Better that way...

"Do you mind if I sit here?

Shor's bloody bones, why do I jinx myself? "Yes, I bloody well do mind." I can see him clearly, despite my drinking. A waif of a man, not an ounce of muscle on him. Wearing robes, too. And he's pretty short. Then again, I'm damn tall myself... And he's still here. "Move along, softgut. I'm more woman than you can handle."

He grins. "You thought I was coming over here to... What, proposition you?"

"Why else? I'll have you know I've fended off advances from men who were twice the man as you. Literally." For some reason, he laughs at this, then takes a seat at my table. Grumbling, I wonder if it'd be worth it to ignore Hulda's warnings about scaring off any more of her customers.

"I was just curious."

"Curious?"

"Aye." He waves down Saadia and orders a glass of Alto wine. Pah. Can't stomach a real drink, I suppose. "A woman alone at a tavern in a corner, whilst reveling occurs all 'round."

"Never seen a woman drowning her sorrows before?"

"Of course I have. But stories are my trade." He smiles at me again. I do hope he's not thinking it's comforting. "I'd like to hear yours, that's all. I've a sense for these things."

"Really?" He nods... To Oblivion with Hulda, I'll find somewhere else to stay. "You want to hear how I ran through a boy of fourteen summers?" The look of shock on his face goads me on. "How the Companions thought it funny to face me against a child for entrance into their little club? How I watched the light fade from his eyes because he couldn't hold a guard? Or maybe when they cried I was too hot-headed, the weak pathetic cowards!?" I stand, then fall back in my seat, head throbbing.

And then I notice now the tavern has gone silent but for the fire. Guess I was too loud. Damn it. Sure enough, Hulda is storming toward me, yelling. "Shor's Bones, this is the last straw, Uthgerd! I told you..."

"Please! Don't, not on my account." The hell? Why is this skinny bastard arguing for me? "It was my fault, I antagonized her."

Hulda glares at me. I turn away. "Fine. Be that way. But if she causes trouble again, I'm tossing you both out. Clear?"

"As a summer's day, Mistress."

She throws one last glare my way before leaving, and the tavern starts breathing again. Bastards. As if I were some bloody entertainment. "You didn't have to do that."

"Of course I did. I felt awful." A pause. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

I scoff. "Cant've been in town long then. It's all these gossips can talk about."

"Only arrived today. And don't mind them. They'll forget all about it once the next juicy story comes along. Like goblins upon meat."

"Aye." I know he's right. I try to go back to drinking, but it's no use; I can feel the angry tears pushing themselves out. "Godsdamnit!" I nearly slam my tankard down once more, just catching myself. "It was an accident. I told them. Why wouldn't they believe me?" To his credit, the scrawny git doesn't try to comfort me or anything. Just sips his nancy wine.

Once I get a hold of myself, he speaks up again. "I suppose I should admit it wasn't solely curiosity that brought me over here. I do have a proposition for you, thought not the kind you accused me of."

"Would you get to the point already?" My anger seems to have burnt out.

"As you wish. I don't suppose you've heard about the dragons?"

What? "Those old fairy tales? Is spooky ol' Farengar drumming up his 'research' again?"

"And then some. Those old fairy tales? Destroyed Helgen."

I give a hearty laugh. Just one. Until I notice the haunted look on his face. Like... The one I saw this morning in my washbasin. My own. "Kyne's word?" He nods. By the gods. Dragons? Helgen destroyed? That's... Shit.

"The Jarl has contracted me to assist Farengar by retrieving an artifact of some value from a nearby Nordic ruin. But, as I'm sure you've noticed," he says, with his wry grin returning, "this 'softgut' is no fighter. I need help, and protection."

"So what, you're looking for a bodyguard?"

"I'd prefer someone who can think for themselves."

Hah. A good answer. "And what's in this for me? I don't do charity work."

"Nor does the Jarl, I assure you. He's promised me a reward for doing this. If he doesn't extend you the same, I'll gladly share with you what he gives me. But..." he leans closer to me, a fierce gleam in his eye. "More than anything, you'll earn the Jarl's gratitude and favor. And that can open more doors than a thousand Septims. Like the doors of Joorvaskr."

If my glare could shoot flames, the man would do a fine reenactment of King Olaf. But he ignores me, sipping his wine, as though he hadn't just casually offered me my life's dream by helping him. How long had I dreamed of joining the Companions? Five years? Ten? Their deeds, old and new, are known throughout Tamriel. To join their ranks... Few things could match that honor. To be given a second chance...

But still... Dragons. Just thinking about the word sends a chill down my spine. As if I were remembering something long forgotten. It was... Exciting. And truly, what else was holding me here now? "What's your name?"

"Talao. And yours?"

"It's Uthgerd. And you, Talao, shall have my sword at your side. We leave at dawn." His grin near splits his face as we grasp each others' forearms. I can't help but mirror it.

At least until I overcorrect and fall clear off my chair. Damn mead, I think, as Talao guffaws in his chair. Gods, there aren't enough drinks in the world.

Chapter 8 - Farengar I: Bleak Falls Barrow x Chapter 10 - Uthgerd II: Bleak Falls Barrow