#but i think about that 3 months post crash scene a lot

[frootbyethefoot]

i understand why daisuke and anya don't interact more, but i think there's something about the way they're both made to feel like screw ups that's incredibly. interesting? to me.

the way daisuke has completely internalized the idea that he's a screw up, that he's lazy and he won't accomplish anything in his life because he's aimless and has no idea what he even wants to do. daisuke's a pretty good sport about it, but swansea isn't subtle about the fact that he doesn't want him around. he's heard it his entire life and he hears it in the tulpar. his motivation for even getting on the tulpar was to just make his parents proud. his motivation for climbing through a vent he KNEW was dangerous and would eventually kill him was (in part) trying to make someone proud. he's a bundle of self esteem issues wrapped together with some other stuff!

meanwhile, anyas tried and failed to get into medical school 8 times. she's incredibly determined if she's still trying, but that has to be devastating for her. to keep throwing herself at this brick wall with little to no results. more notably is the fact that her abuser is now in a position of authority, he's essentially her boss after the crash. he criticizes and belittles her every chance he gets, from telling her, very pointedly that "people need to earn their titles," to chewing her out (to put it lightly) when she's unable to give curly his medicine one too many times for his liking, to saying she "can't go breaking down at every little thing" as she's actively planning to commit suicide. being belittled and treated as incompetent is an ever present part of her life, post crash, and even in the small bits of pre-crash we see from her. even if anya doesn't believe it, even if we know anya is incredibly competent and good at her job, that kind of abuse wears you down.

i don't know what my point is, but the tldr is that these two should talk more maybe. it would be good. they should go play some sorry! and eat cake i don't know.

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

All of my Season 3 predictions:

•There will be a time jump of about 3 months in the teen timeline

•There will be a time jump of 2 years in the adult timeline

•A funeral or gathering will be held for Nat in the adult timeline

•Misty will grapple with guilt over Nat’s death and will wear her jacket and/or overemphasize how close she and Nat were to cope

•Misty and Walter are going to get freaky and form a romantic relationship

•Lottie will have feelings for Nat in the wilderness that are unrequited (but also kind of requited, but will never be acted upon) and this will be juxtaposed with her grieving Nat’s death in the adult timeline

•Shauna will be hallucinating left and right this season. Delusions, hallucinating Jackie, hallucinating her dead son, etc.

•An FBI investigation will be opened on the death of Adam Martin, Kevyn Tan, and Natalie Scatorccio (and maybe Travis Martinez?). Hilary Swank and Joel McHale will play FBI agents

•Van’s cancer will be cured. It will be implied that this is because of Nat’s death/sacrifice

•The 8th survivor will be Akilah???

•Cabin guy’s daughter is still alive and living in the wilderness. She was Javi’s “friend” and she’s been living in the tree cave thing this whole time. Coach Ben finds her first (and maybe forms an initial alliance with her before she eventually betrays him?) and eventually the group encounters her (maybe she’s the Antler Queen?)

•Antler Queen is finally revealed (Nat? Shauna? Cabin Daughter?)

•Lottie feels lost and directionless in the teen timeline since she’s not the leader and can’t hear the wilderness anymore

•Lottie is fresh out of the psych ward in the adult timeline

•Lottie’s dad appears in the adult timeline and her dad trauma is explored

•Tai and Van get back together in the adult timeline and we’re going to get a FREAKY WILD sex scene between the two of them

•Ghost Nat, Ghost Laura Lee, Ghost Jackie

•New pre-crash scenes and post-rescue (1998-early 2000s) scenes

•They will commit cannibalism in the spring time when it’s not necessary for survival

•Van is going to go full dark side in this season both in the teen timeline and the adult timeline. Girl is going to be UNHINGED I can feel it

•We’re also going to get a much darker side of Nat this season. I think something snapped in her after Javi’s death and we’re going to see her really embracing that primal/dark version of herself that she’s been desperately fighting off this entire time. She’s going to go to some extreme lengths to keep the group alive as the new leader

•Jeff dies??

•Callie is going to kill someone or help Shauna kill people, she’s going to represent the “next generation” of the Wilderness

•Pit Girl reveal at the end of the season (and it’s gonna be Mari I’m so so sorry)

•Shauna and Nat are going to fight and there will be lots of tension around Shauna’s resentment of Nat being chosen as leader instead of her. Nat may lose the throne as a result

•Coach Ben is found and killed by the girls. Maybe Nat finds him early on and initially keeps him alive but then she lets the group kill him once she goes full “dark side”

If I’m wrong you didn’t see any of this

[cat-in-a-box13]

Twisters HC Part 2, electric boogaloo

ft. my attempts to make a coherent timeline based almost entirely on vibes

Kate and Tyler take an excruciatingly long time to get together. If the movie is set is June (which is what I'm going with based on when tornado season starts and the fact that it makes the most sense for the movie to start a little after the beginning of tornado season), they dance around each other until August after the last chase of the season.

However, by the end of the first week, the Wranglers are sick of their shit. Boone dreams of locking them in a closet together. Javi and Lily actively scheme to make them room together. Dani sticks a post-it note to Tyler's back that says "kiss me" and shoves him at Kate. Dexter intentionally sets their sleeping bags together every time they chase overnight. Nothing works until Kate finally just walks up to him after the last chase of the season and asks if he plans on kissing her, and Tyler responds by dipping her in the sappiest Hallmark kiss you can imagine. No one is sure whether to cheer or groan, because from here on out they will be even more insufferable.

Two weeks after she starts dating Tyler, Kate wakes Javi up in the middle of the night sobbing about how she's going to get him killed just like she got Jeb killed. Javi just silently calls her mom and hands her the phone. Cathy provides expert advice, and Javi provides hesitant head pats because what do you say to that?

Javi and Kate fight like siblings. The first time Javi steals Kate skittles and she full on tackles him, it surprised the Wranglers. The third time, no one even looked up. The seventh time, Tyler just called Cathy and put her on speaker.

Javi's mom left when he was a toddler, and his father traveled a lot for work. When Javi and his dad moved to Sapulpa, they became the Carter's closest neighbors. Rural neighbors, which means there's about a mile of the Carter's farmland in between their houses, but Javi and Kate met when Kathy dragged her over there to deliver a welcome pie.

Because Javi's dad traveled so much, Javi spent a ton of time over at Kate's house, to the point where Kate started calling the guest room, "Javi's room".

Javi's dad died unexpectedly a few weeks after Javi's 18th birthday. Cathy offered to let Javi move in with them, at least until he graduated high school, but Javi insisted on staying at his house, and his room at Kate's house went back to being the guest room. Of course, it didn't stay empty; there was almost always at least one Tornado Tamer that needed a place to crash and now, five years later, Cathy finds herself with a new group of kids (because they're all kids to her) crashing in her guest room and raiding her fridge.

Kate left town a few weeks after the funerals finished. She didn't go straight to New York but instead worked her way up the East Coast for about two years before she landed her meteorology job in New York 3 years before the start of the movie.

Javi drifted aimlessly for about six months before he served four years of active duty in (insert whatever military branch is the most likely to do whatever it was Javi was doing because I don't know how the military works) and is now an IRR for the next four years (I think this is how it works?). He got off active duty about six months before the events of the movie (based on his hair has somewhat grown out of military regulations at the start of the movie, but he still gives off military vibes).

Tyler and his team have been chasing unofficially for about six years, but it wasn't their full-time job until about two years ago, shortly after they brought Lily and her drone on-board.

They don't livestream every chase. Instead, they film for the majority of tornado season and try to get enough footage to be able to release weekly videos through the off-season, in addition to making more educational-type videos about tornadoes and what to do if one is coming for you, as well as showing behind the scenes kind of stuff, like what modifications they've made to the truck and stuff like that. The Wrangler's family dynamic is as much a draw for their audience as the tornadoes are and they know it.

Boone has absolutely stuck a Lego up his nose on a dare, and Dexter yelled at him the whole way to the ER when it got stuck.

Dexter thinks he's the only sane person on the team, but in reality, he gives off serious mad scientist energy when he gets going. He also thinks he's the Team Dad, but it's really Tyler. Dexter is the fun childless uncle that bought you toys your parents hated at Christmas and let you drive the ATV before you were old enough to.

[scaryspears]

Clark Kent is Insane (Smallville)

I'm on the Smallville bandwagon, and I'm currently on season 7. I've seen some posts that find it unbelievable that people weren't interested in and crazy in love with Clark and stuff. I'm convinced that people stayed away from him because they thought he was crazy, or was that guy that always had something weird happening to him. It's obvious that Clark is attractive, but there's also another side to it besides his looks.

Clark would find himself in situations that would make people scratch their heads. Put yourselves in the perspective of the Smallville citizens.

I'm going to give some examples from season 1 (can't remember which episode)

Clark's powers get transferred to another boy named Eric Summers, and once Eric finds out about these abilities he exploits them. Clark tries to talk Eric into not being a bad person, and that ends with Clark getting smashed into the top of a car, bleeding from his nose and all. A lot of his school mates saw that, and word apparently travels fast in small towns. Everyone certainly found out.

In another episode, Earl Jenkins (played by Tony Todd) is a victim of the Luthors, and while Clark's class is on a school trip, the character holds the students hostage in order to threaten the Luthors. Whatever experiments Luthor corp did on him makes him shake violently, and anything he comes into contact with will shake uncontrollably as well (can't remember if it results in death). It's best to stay away from this guy. What does Clark do? Try's to speak to the guy and convince him not to do this, and stuff like that. Basically, the same thing he did with Eric Summers. It doesn't get him heavily injured, but it could've made things worse.

Clark would also go through a thing where his personality flips. Not knowing he's on red kryptonite, everyone probably felt like they were interacting with a completely different person, but with Clark's face. Everyone's just like "Clark Kent is letting his intrusive thoughts win?" And he would mysteriously forget what's transpired (due to switching bodies or his mind being taken over). He would be genuinely confused, and is frighteningly proceeding as if nothing's happened, despite being aware that something wrong has taken place, thanks to him or involving him.

When Clark accidentally causes his mum's miscarriage, the first thing he does is crashout. He puts on the red kryptonite and rides of to Metropolis. I'm pretty sure he was gone for months, robbing from atms and getting into fights with people.

When Nathan Dean (the banshee guy) showed up (around season 3-ish), Clark lost his sight temporarily... even though it's everyone's ears that suffered. That's weird.

Onwards, Clark would suspiciously be at the scene of a crime or some kind of incident. He's always involved in police business, and playing "investigator" with Chloe and Pete. Always on his way to save people, and do something that everyone will immediately think is stupid.

Around season 3 or 4, Clark marries Alicia. A literal stalker who tried to harm Lana Lang (the it girl of Smallville). Once he comes back from his honeymoon, looking all guilty, everyone whispers while side eyeing him. And of all things Mr and Mrs Kent are mad about, it's the fact that Clark married illegally (both Alicia and him were underage), and that he disregarded how sacred marriage is (even though he was on red kryptonite). That was terrible writing, but I don't remember them being too angry about Alicia.

There's also that time (can't remember if it was season 5 or 6) when Clark and Lois crash Lex and Lana's dinner party where they're celebrating their engagement. Clark and Lois are dressed as bikers, informal leather jacket outfits. They must've looked insane to everyone at that party, Lex especially. And then Clark proceeded to ruin the pregnancy announcement for Lex and Lana (he did it for the lolz).

Every time Clark is doing (or about to do) something everyone is probably side eyeing him, and thinking "What's he about to do this time?"

What's worse is that his parents don't seem to be doing anything about it. They don't appear to be worried about the fact that he might potentially be having occasional psychotic breaks, and other mental disorders going on with him. He's got main character syndrome, and a hero complex. Insert other mental disorders and illnesses of your choosing, because I'm not a psychiatrist nor am I trained in knowing about mental health.

If the writers intended on this, knowing that they couldn't make Tom Welling look like a pathetic dork, then it's a good call. Can't make him dweebish? Make him look insane. Even if Clark was a nerd, and looked like one, everyone would still be fawning over him (me especially). But fawning over a crazy person is risky because of how unpredictable they are. Not only that, but we've seen girls fawn over him before, albeit harbouring bad intent (to some degree for most). And of course, Chloe was super interested in him, and Lana would get jealous and shocked from whatever relationship he had outside of her, even when she was with another guy.

That's my Smallville theory.

[wildflowerteas]

elli chapter 3 read pt 2

Annnndd part two. here we go.

The Five Salutes on the KMS message 💀 it really only gets worse from here on out Elli, I'm sorry.

Oh my god, you guys POOR MAX. I keep forgetting that you have to read at least chapter 1 to know for sure the premise/direction of the fic. Like, the summary kind of implies it, but from the comments I've been getting, people stumble into the fic thinking even Chuuya could have been the murderer ( which, okay yeah he's capable of killing a man but definitely not himself ) and I also admittedly have a tendency to just assume everything I'm thinking is also somehow in between the lines that I write. MCD tag is there too but like what else I've written, probably not for what you might think at first.

Well now I'd like to see the post-chapter six essay what the hell???

"There's no forgetting you, Dazai Osamu. Against my will, my mind won't allow it." Ahh . . . nostalgia. I can't believe it's been so long since I wrote that line.

SHIN SOUKOKU Communicating!!!!!!!! They are . . . my bread and butter. my life. my love. if I let myself go on anymore i might explode god i love shin soukoku. OMG on the topic of POV switches, I was mentioning this to Rori I believe, but POV switches aren't bound by scene for a reason a) I don't like it and b) more fluid POV switching in a scene is a way for me to convey that two characters are in tune with each other/on the same page, thinking similar things, such that I can continue telling the story without the need to backtrack or for there to be a major tonal shift. It's why there's a lot of Chuuya-centric or Dazai-centric scenes where the POV/internal monologue does not shift, but Shin-soukoku are practically finishing each other's sentences.

I legitimately cannot believe you've been here since the first interlude chapter, Rori. That feels like ages ago ( it has been ), I'm sorry for all I've been putting you through, in your final semester no less.

WHO IS THIS? JUNO(?) HI!!!!

"Soukoku's burn is not slow-burning, more like crash-and-burning" <- he had no idea just how slow the crash-and-burn was going to end up being. Chronologically, it's been about 8 months for SKK and 2 for shin-soukoku. balancing those timelines has been hell. the real downward spiral here might be my mind actually.

Annnnnddd we're at the end. Cue the applause. So glad Elli was having a crisis every few seconds with this chapter. Three was the introduction to the 'supernatural elements' that warrant the tag ( and also the multiple/intersecting timelines one hehe ) and I feel like I risked a lot, veering away from the concreteness of a mystery that is totally grounded in reality, so I'm really glad they enjoyed it.

[dlrconlicense]

Louise Brealey On Starring In BBC Three’s Upcoming Comedy Such Brave Girls

Such Brave Girls will arrive on BBC iPlayer on 22 November

By Olivia Emily | 3 days ago

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Louise Brealey is perhaps best known for her witty portrayal of lovelorn morgue technician Molly Hooper in Sherlock – but we’re loving her recent comedy work even more. She’ll next be seen in the BBC‘s hotly anticipated comedy Such Brave Girls, coming later this month. Written by Kate Sadler, Louise plays Deb, the matriarch of a dysfunctional family, trying and failing to keep her kamikaze daughters from disaster. We sat down with Louise to hear all about it.

Interview: Louise Brealey

© Leo Staar

Hi Louise, how’s life going at the moment?

Hello! It’s been a busy summer – my new film has been doing the festival circuit so there have been a lot of planes, trains and automobiles.

You’re about to star in BBC’s new series Such Brave Girls – can you give us an elevator pitch for the show?

Two messed-up twenty-something (real-life) sisters [Kat Sadler and Lizzie Davidson] and their total car crash of a mother attempt to navigate their way out of disaster and into love.

You play Deb – can you describe her?

Deb is amazing. She’s a shockingly bad mum who has completely messed up her two Gen Z daughters. I think of her as one of those vending machines at railway stations and swimming pools where you can get a Twix, but all that’s on her shelves is Tough Love.

What was it like playing her?

A terrifying hoot – she has a lot of lines.

How did you get into character/prepare for the role?

I based Deb on a little girl I used to know. You could see every emotion on her face. Guile, rage, confusion, fear. When she was cross, she scowled. When she was delighted, she beamed.

I used my real accent: Northamptonshire. It has softened over the years, so I sound a lot posher now, but it’s how my family speak and I’ve never had the chance to work using it.

Any funny stories from rehearsals or filming?

The scenes requiring our amazing intimacy coordinator, Elle McAlpine, were hysterically funny and genuinely not at all awkward. Poor Paul Bazely who plays Dev may have experienced some chafing.

What is the cast dynamic? Who was your favourite person to work with?

We are like a little family when we are filming. I feel very protective of Kat and Lizzie. And Paul is a wonderful human being and a phenomenal actor.

Are you still in touch with any of your co-stars?

Yes, we message all the time.

Josie (KAT SADLER), Deb (LOUISE BREALEY), Billie (LIZZIE DAVIDSON) in Such Brave Girls. © BBC/Various Artists Limited/James Stack

You’re perhaps best known for your role as Molly in Sherlock. What is that like to look back on?

Bittersweet because I don’t feel we finished it, and we have lost Una Stubbs. But it was incredible to be a part of what was really a phenomenon. It couldn’t happen now with streaming.

Any special memories from the show?

Too many. Having a candle in an egg custard tart (my favourite) on my birthday in Benedict’s trailer… Laughing and laughing with darling Una and Rupert Graves, who is a dreamboat.

You’ve also starred in the likes of Lockwood & Co, Brian and Charles and Back recently. But what has been your favourite project to date?

I loved working on Clique for the BBC a few years back. I got to play a hard-ass Queen Bee university lecturer in power suits who was afraid of no one, and then to completely fall apart. In an Edinburgh accent.

I loved Lockwood & Co. How does it feel for the show to be cancelled after just one series?

I felt so bad for the young cast, the crew, the fans and everyone whose livelihoods depended on the show coming back. It got such fantastic reviews and great viewing figures. I feel like the hoop it had to jump through for the streamer was just too impossibly small.

Any roles in the pipeline that you’re excited about? (If you’re allowed to tell us!)

I’m the lead in a lesbian chicken factory musical film called Chuck Chuck Baby.

Who has been your favourite actor to work with in the past?

This is much too hard. There have been so many that I admired, and some I now call dear friends. But my buddy Jeff Rawle I’ve worked with three times now, and we are trying to make it a fourth.

Which co-star did you learn the most from?

Antonia Pemberton, who played Nanny in Peter Hall’s Uncle Vanya when I was Sonya. She told me not to keep tomatoes in the fridge.

What’s your dream role?

I’m desperate to get back on stage. I’ve been doing film and television for the past seven years, but theatre is my heart and my home.

What’s a genre you’d like to do more of?

I’d like a good horror. I can’t watch them because I’m a scaredy-cat, but I’d love to be in one.

© Leo Staar

Do you get to spend much time at home?

Not enough. I’ve been gadding about.

Do you live in the town or the country? Which do you prefer?

I’ve lived in London since I left university. I live on a hill next to an oak tree, so it feels like we are in the branches. I can never leave London because I’d miss the culture stuff, but I am a woodland creature.

What’s your interior design style?

A mish-mash of old things I’ve found in auctions. Too many books.

How do you find balance in your personal and work lives?

I don’t.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?

An astronaut.

If you could give advice to your 15-year-old self, what would it be?

Don’t sleep with that guy’s flatmate when you are 21.

How can we all live a little bit better?

Choose love.

Anything fun in the pipeline – professionally or personally?

I’m going to run away to a southern European city for January and February to write.

Quick Fire

I’m currently watching… Only Murders in the Building

What I’m reading… We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

The last thing I watched (and loved) was… Silo. I love Rebecca Ferguson.

What I’m most looking forward to seeing… The Motive and the Cue with Mark Gatiss in the West End because I was away for its National Theatre run.

Favourite film of all time… Don’t Look Now

Favourite song of all time… ‘Disco 2000’ by Pulp

Band/singer I always have on repeat… Leonard Cohen

My ultimate cultural recommendation… Join all the museums and galleries

Cultural guilty pleasure… Overcooked 2. It’s computer game where you run around and try to make kebabs.

What’s next for me is… Walking my dog in Beckenham Place Park – it’s south London’s secret mini Hampstead Heath.

Watch

Louise Brealey stars in Such Brave Girls, on BBC iPlayer from 22 November. bbc.co.uk

[rosyfingered-moon]

Twenty Questions

@angryteapott Thanks for the tag! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

748,763

What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly television: kdramas and cdramas, and some English-language shows. The only films I have written for are Decision to Leave and Cyrano de Bergerac.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All of them are Mr. Queen:

Mrs. Queen - A rushed fix-it that I began one day after the show ended and then published daily for two months straight. It was a super fun writing exercise bc I tried to work in as many reader prompts as possible to salvage all of our broken hearts after the horrid ending. It was also the unfortunate beginning of my haphazard style of posting first chapters with no clue what the rest of the story will be. (100k)

The White Grass- Non-magic AU. I really enjoyed writing this because 1. it's my only properly beta read story and it was sooo fun to go over things with Sarah in advance! and 2. it features a noncon scene that was really divisive and led to a lot of very interesting discussions about power and consent on Twitter. (74k)

The Raw Ingredients - Bong-hwan finally returns to Joseon, but not as a queen, but a chambermaid!! So she has to scheme her way back to Cheoljong with the help of Minister Kim Soyong. I loved writing this, it was pure wish fulfillment and lowkey I think the most hilarious way a season two could have gone (if I may toot my own horn). @lady-guts has made theeee most beautiful fanbinding of it which has made me appreciate it more <33 (41k)

And I, and Silence - Soyong wakes back up alone inside her body with no memory of what has happened and has to fend for herself. I loved writing Kim Byeong-in's pov and also Jo Hwa-jin's pov and also their freaky love story!! (99k)

Whatever Souls Are Made Of - After almost drowning Soyong ends up with the complete memories of her future self (Bong-hwan). So suddenly she is both a Joseon woman and a South Korean man and has to grapple with that. Also there's a sweeping romance crossing time and space. (61k)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to all, because I think those connections is what makes fandom worth engaging in. Currently behind on answering though :(

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm a HEA gal, but my Kingdom fic Something Rotten ends with hate sex that isn't maybe only hate but more hate than love. (Also, at least one of the main characters is gonna get eaten by zombies in the future.) I wrote a short My Liberation Notes piece called These Winter Fields where I let Mr. Gu attend Alcoholics Anonymous, but his recovery is left open-ended. Writing it felt very bittersweet to me personally, as someone who has been close to an addict.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them have tooth-rottingly happy endings! But the ones that felt the most healing to me were my The Hour fic not even the rain because I had been hurting for a decade over its cancellation, and my Beyond Evil fic Splinters where I unfridged Kang Min-jeong and let her live a vibrant poly life without having to die to fuel other people's manpain. Also very much enjoyed saving Comrade Gu in my Crash Landing on You fic Allegretto, not so much for his own sake as for Seo Dan, who deserves to have everything she wants.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. Sometimes people have expressed disappointment. I think the most hate I got was a person on Twitter who got really upset that I wrote a ship they didn't like and in a way they didn't like, but I don't think that had very much to do with my actual fic (since they hadn't read it).

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! Mostly het. I think I have progressed from more tender depictions to, like, trying to hone in on the slightly weird or awkward parts of sex, and also to describe the scene more straightforwardly and let people's imagination do the work for them?

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

A Six Flying Dragons/My Country: The New Age crossover, and a Rookie Historian/Sungkyunkwan Scandal crossover. Neither feels very crazy to me because the universes fit so well (the two former because they feature the same historical people and events, and the two latter because they are both fluffy fusion sageuks with perky heroines).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, or at least reposted without credit.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I would love if that happened!!!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Gotta go with Goo Hae-ryung and Min U-won because they are sooo delightful to write, really grew on me (I didn't ship them immediately), and the fandom are such lovely people!

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I hope I will finish all of them in time.

What are your writing strengths?

Funny dialogue! (At least I think it's funny.) Readers mostly seem to appreciate the heart-wrenching confession oneliners.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing, repetitive descriptions, that classic hyperfocus on the main ship to the detriment of other characters, and action scenes. There's probably many cultural misconceptions as well, especially since I mostly write historical pieces (ranging from the Joseon Dynasty and Tang Dynasty to 1950s Britain). I try to research, but being a foreigner means that there will always be a gap.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Since I'm not a native English speaker, all my dialogue is in another language! In the kdrama fics I sometimes include familial terms, honorifics, and other forms of address in transliterated Korean, because I think that helps remind people reading it of what the sentence "actually" sounds like within the fiction, and also maybe allows them to recall what those particular words sound like when spoken by the actors of show. It gives the appearance that the fic only translates the character's "real," embodied, Korean conversation and keeps the readers immersed. At least that's my intention.

First fandom you wrote for?

On AO3 it was for Supernatural, since 15x20 enraged me enough to finally post something. But I also wrote Buffy and Harry Potter fic on FF.net when I was a kid. Including Snape/reader inserts, which I recently told a friend about and she gave me the most repulsed look I have ever seen :)

Favorite fic you've written?

I don't actually know!! Whatever Souls Are Made Of is probably one of the best pieces I have written, but all of them are dear to me in different ways.

Tagging @drivingsideways and @comfect and @elderflowergin and anyone else who wants to do it!

[danny-chase]

How many times has Dick been homeless/Alcoholic?

You're like the Wikipedia of the titans btw (compliment)

Thank you! It helps having friends who are just as obsessed with other characters on the team as you! So there's not really a short answer to this question, and it's going to depend on which timelines you're pulling from/consider canon and you're own interpretation of the scenes, image descriptions are in the alt text, i ordered these based on when the comics came out:

There's this time in NTT where no one's quite sure where he lives

The New Teen Titans #33

So this one is very open to interpretation, but for me it was weird that Kory didn't know where Dick is living, because in #29 Donna says he's working with the Titans, alone, with Bruce, and going to college. At this point to my knowledge, he doesn't have his own apartment (I'd need to double check with Batman/Detective Comics to be sure though). Why Kory didn't go to his college, I'm also not sure. But clearly the Titans still thought he was living at home but he's not. He does have a room in Titans tower, so I would say he's not technically homeless, but he kinda disappeared for a hot second. This scene takes place during the Adrian Chase arc and sometime after that and before The Judas Contract, he moves into his own apartment.

2. Dick's post-crisis departure from Bruce

Batman (1940) #416

Now what a lot of people get wrong about this era is that Bruce didn't kick Dick out - he fired Dick from Robin and as Dick describes it:

"For six years you trained me to be a crime fighter, then denied me that role. Of course, you assured me that it was for my own good. I lay there with a bandaged shoulder and my life in ruins. You smiled, kicked a great big hole in my life, then walked out of the room. I didn't see what option I had, other than to split. Alfred tried to talk me out of it. It was Alfred who forced money on me so I'd have something to live on. You couldn't even be bothered to say goodbye."

So while Bruce probably would have been okay with Dick moving back in after he dropped out of college, Dick didn't feel like he could come back home and he didn't have a permanent residence until he moved in with the Titans/rented his own apartment. This origin i think was retold by tom taylor but i'm not super paying attention to that run

3. Dick gets evicted, unclear living situation take 2

The New Titans #97

Basically at this point the tower is destroyed and they don't really show where Dick's living after getting evicted and his stuff burning up :/ so whether he's crashing on someone's couch or figured something else out, i don't know

4. Dick gets sent to juvenile detention for being homeless

Robin Annual (1993) #4

So technically he has a bed to sleep in, but post his parents dying, in this retelling of his origin (this one is by Chuck Dixon, who wrote a good chunk of his solo comic) he ends up sent to Gotham City's Youth Center, which is not really a home or an orphanage, it's more like a juvenile detention facility and some of the kids jump him like immediately after this panel. So, it's not exactly a safe place to be, but it's also not the street (although he can climb out and tries running away pretty quickly before being told to go back by Batman), he spent a month here before he moves to a permanent home with Bruce

5. Dick runs away

Robin: Year One #3

Again, he's not explicitly kicked out, but Bruce neglected him after he got injured in the Two Face incident to the point where he felt completely unwanted/unloved, was miserable and decided to leave. He joins a gang soon after this. This story is retold later in the Nightwing run, and has Dick as 12 when the two face part happens and 17 when he runs away for different reasons (it's kind of like - two different authors reference two different parts of the story, one of which is Marv Wolfman, and he changes a lot about it, but i'm not bothering to count the incident twice, and this was the first time the running away bit appeared in canon)

6. The Blockbuster arc

Nightwing (1996) #91

So this is the first time we literally see Dick sleeping on the streets. Basically the rundown is, his apartment got blown up, Haly's Circus was burnt down, and Blockbuster was killing people just for talking to him so yeah :(

7. Skaboom

Batman (1940) #649

So at this point, Dick was drifting and living with the mob/training Rose Wilson and didn't exactly have a stable home life, and then DC decided to drop a bomb on his city, so all of that blew up. He proceeded to go on a cruise with Bruce and Tim and um. yeah sure that fixes things i guess (the only point in this cruise that we see, to my knowledge, is Bruce ditching the two of them to go live in a cave, and Tim and Dick having some fun international adventures, though to be fair, i didn't read the batman comics at the time, and the recap was in Tim's robin solo). when he gets back, he finds an apartment

8. Ric

Nightwing (2016) #50

So during the Ric arc, Ric breaks into other people's homes to sleep, or sleeps in his cab. Points to Alfred for giving him money (again). I'm thinking this is where you're bringing in the problems with alcohol. This is the only arc that I know of where Dick/Ric drinks frequently (he has a bar tab, but full disclosure, I haven't actually read the whole arc, so i'm not sure the extent to which he drinks)

If i missed any feel free to add on

[letapollojusticesayfuck]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

Ah! Hello! Thank you!

Time for some self-reflection, I guess...

Lucy's Five Favorite Fics (in no particular order):

1. undeniable you (the currents pulling me onward) (T, 59k)

Kristoph Gavin is found dead in his prison cell, and Klavier Gavin is the prime suspect. With nobody else available to defend him, Apollo Justice flies in from Khura'in to take the case--but during the course of the trial and its aftermath, long-hidden secrets come to light.

This is probably the fic I'm most proud of! I wrote this during the summer of 2020, when I got the idea that I should try and write a continuation to the Ace Attorney series that ties up all the loose ends I was so frustrated with. It's my first ever casefic, and the longest thing I've published to date, and it's been long enough that I forget not everyone knows that This Took Up My Life For Months. It's got court scenes! it's got investigation! it's got the beginning of me shipping faraskye! it's got a happy ending!

2. perspective (T, ~4k)

Klavier Gavin, through the years. (an introspective look at the man behind the rockstar façade)

I wrote this one in a frenzied couple hours, but it's still close to my heart and informs basically everything about how I picture Klavier. Did I do a lot of projecting? yes. Do I also still stand by my headcanons? also yes.

3. Keeping All Your Hopes Alive (T, 3k)

After their chance to prove themselves as competent detectives with a big break in an important case goes south, Kay finds her partner Ema drowning her sorrows in their shared office. They have a heart-to-heart--which ends with Ema crashing on Kay's couch (and the acknowledgement of some inconvenient shared feelings between them).

SOOO this is one of those "scenes from a longer fic I'm going to write someday" fics. In my head I have a whole big casefic centered around Kay and Ema learning to work together as detectives roughly 6 years post-Investigations after they've been out of contact for years. I'm still super proud of this one and the mix of angst-to-feelings-resolution.

4. imperfect resolutions (T, ~3k)

When Miles Edgeworth returns to his office to find a stranger lying in wait, this time, the shot doesn't miss. In the immediate wake of his death, his family, friends, and acquaintances struggle with how to move on, and question whether they can leave the mystery of the Yatagarasu half-solved.

Gotta talk about this one with the recent Investigations news! A bad ending fic where AAI 1-1 goes wrong, and Franziska and Kay are left to pick up the pieces. I was really trying to capture the odd timelessness that happens when something tragic occurs, and the way you still have to deal with all the stupid little details of daily life. It's a little obscure, but pretty personal to me for Various Reasons.

5. scoop of the century (read all about it!) [+ sequel]

Working at a gossip magazine aimed at teenage girls is just a way for Apollo Justice to pay his law school tuition--until his article rating Klavier Gavin's outfits goes viral. After that, he's got half the Internet reading his articles, and it's inevitable that Klavier finds out.

What would a list of my favorite fics that I've written be without my article-writer Apollo fic? This one was partly borne from wanting to use fun formatting on AO3, partly from wanting to explore social media and Klavier Gavin, and partly from Having A Bad Fever And Thinking I Was So, So Funny. I never expected this fic to get the response it did, and I'm 100% telling the truth when I say that all the comments and kudos on this fic made me want to write so much more for the fandom. And then I wrote a sequel, two years later! Out of the blue! And I think that one's pretty cool, too.

Thank you so much to Caddis for letting me ramble about my own writing for a while here---now I'm thinking about all the things that are sitting in my drafts waiting to be posted. Soon, I hope! <3

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Ch 30

CHAPTER 30: Every Line in our Hands

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Notes: Maya makes a decision....

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M (sexual scenes/sexual assault in prior chapters)

Status: Complete

Note: I haven't given it one final read-through but I wanted to post it as soon as possible. I'll probably be doing edits late in the day today or throughout the week when I finally have time. Sorry!

Warnings: a LOT of feels, talk of therapy, talk of assault

**********

- Jimin's Apartment -

I needed a break from my phone. Since arriving in Seoul a few days ago, I had been having the worst of luck. Because I hadn’t planned to be back in the country for a few more weeks, it had been a hassle getting things settled with the banks. I was usually better prepared when I traveled, but all of this had been so last minute.

It sucked having to quarantine in a home that wasn’t mine. However, I was grateful to Jimin for lending me his house for the time being. My apartment wasn’t ready, so Jimin had been my only hope. He wasn’t scheduled to get back to town for a couple more weeks. I have no idea where I would be crashing after that, but that was something I could worry about later.

Right now, I only had the energy to stress about money. And food.

I had finished almost everything edible in Jimin’s kitchen. I was running out of resources and needed the damn banks to allow me access to my accounts. Of course, they wanted me to be there in person, but it was difficult to do so in the middle of a mandatory 10-day quarantine. After landing in Seoul, which by some miracle no one leaked to the media, I came straight to Jimin’s house, tested, and was told to stay until I was cleared.

Asking for favors was not easy for me and I had asked enough of Jimin already. Messaging him about needing him to use his own funds to get me food had been embarrassing. He said he would have things delivered to me by the morning. I would just have to hold tight for the night.

My stress was causing great strain and the only thing I could think to calm myself was to set my phone down and do something else. I read a book, listened to music, and finally decided to take a long bath. I had kept my phone away on purpose.

And that had been a bad idea.

Had I kept my phone next to me, I would have gotten a heads-up from Jimin.

But I hadn’t. And now I was staring at a perfectly chiseled Adonis, at a loss for words.

This had not been part of the plan.

His splendor made me stop in my tracks as I exited Jimin’s room after showering. My eyes took in his face. His leveled, smoothed nose, his heavy-lidded eyes, and round, luscious lips couldn’t look more perfect. His jaw was set, his eyes round in an almost-wondered look.

The sudden realization that I hadn’t seen him in a month was physically catching up to me. My legs wanted to run to him. My arms wanted to wrap themselves around his shoulders. My lips wanted to claim his. My soul had missed him, but so had my body. And it was needing to make contact. It was craving him.

“What are you doing here?” he suddenly asked, his eyes glaring at me now.

I had never seen his face switch so quickly. One moment he looked too stunned to speak and the next he was looking at me like some bug he wanted to squash.

But rather than react sadly to hearing his tone, my body seemed to melt. My ears had also missed the deep timbre of his voice. Even if it had some venom in it.

“You were just gonna come back to town and not even call?” Namjoon demanded. His words began to make snap me out of my hypnotism. “You’ve ignored all my messages, so it shouldn’t surprise me you want to physically avoid me.”

My brain caught up and my body finally caught up. My mouth opened to speak, but I was silenced before I could even start.

Namjoon continued with his anger. Continued voicing his hurt. “Do you have any idea how shitty that feels? I calledyou, messaged you. I fucking sounded like a goddamn dog begging for forgiveness. And you couldn’t even bother giving me a response? You contacted Jimin right away but not me? Am I unworthy?”

His thinking or saying that he was unworthy of anything ripped something inside. I finally spoke. “I wanted to wait until my quarantine was over. I’m stuck here for 10 days. If I were to have called you, I would have immediately wanted to see you—and I can’t. There’s a mandate.”

He shakes his head. His eyes are looking at me, but he doesn’t see me. It’s like he’s looking at a stranger who’s feeding him lies.

“Ask my Tia Jia,” I said desperately, needing him to believe me. “My quarantine is up in a few days. After, I was going to call you so we could meet.”

“She’ll lie for you,” he accused.

“Then ask Yoongi. I told him I was going to call you first thing after I got the green light.”

He snickered, the glare in his eyes still there. “Of course, you still communicate with Yoongi. You tell me him more than you tell me.”

He was so full of anger that he wasn’t seeing things clearly. He was putting up walls. It was a defense mechanism, I knew it. I needed to keep my calm, make him see. “No one knows me the way you know me, Namjoon,” I said gently, hoping he recognized this was true.

My calmness wasn’t having the effect I wanted to have on him. He didn’t want me calm. But he wanted me to meet his energy.

“Except those other guys who slid inside you like I did that night. They know you like I know you,” he said without thinking, going for the jugular. Needing me hurt the way he was hurting.

His eyes went wide with horror as soon as the words left his mouth. Instant regret.

But the words couldn’t be sucked back in. They were in the air, shooting straight at me like daggers. And they hurt me exactly the way he intended.

I took in a sharp breath, feeling the blades cut right through my skin and hit my chest.

I turned away, feeling the tears sting my eyes. My body reacted like it always did at being wounded, it recoiled. My feet took some towards Jimin’s room. I couldn’t lose it in front of him.

But he was faster. His body blocked me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I—I’m a fucking idiot.” His voice was strained. “Maya, I am so sorry. I don’t know why I said it. I was wrong.”

My feet moved back, keeping my body safe from his.

“I am so sorry. I’m a fucking prick.” He went down to his knees, his face twisted in remorse. He got on the ground, bowing down and pleading. “Please.”

Hot tears came streaming down as I spoke. “I wasn’t with you for the sex. No one knows me like you—emotionally. No one makes me feel the way you do. I felt safe around you, but then…when you said that—” A sob came out as I remembered.

Walking down the halls barefoot with only my skirt and top.

Tears had smeared off my makeup. I looked like a goddamn wreck. My shoes and undergarments had been left behind. Security both gawked at me and looked away in shame.

Humiliation of a slut.

“I’m sorry; I’m sorry,” he repeated, his head bowing as low as it could.

I took breaths to get ahold of myself. “This is why it’s difficult to let someone in. Because when I do, they have ammunition to use against me. They know what to say, what information to use to belittle me.” It felt so foreign to be this honest with him; it was uncomfortable. But I forced myself to feel the discomfort. “No one’s ever known me the way you have. Every time I’m with you, you reveal some knowledge you have of me that no one has ever noticed about it. It makes me feel so naked. I hated it.”

His head remained on the ground, his body slightly shaking from his own sobs.

Unlike seeing my mother in a state of disarray, I’m fully moved by seeing Namjoon like this. Seeing his regret made me want to immediately give in and forgive him.

But I shouldn’t. I needed to be smart about all of this. It was not ok what he had said to me. Both times.

“Why did you say it?” I demanded.

“I don’t know," he answered with his head still down.

No, I wasn't going to accept that. “You must know. As you said, it’s been a month. You’re telling me you haven’t thought about why you said it all this time?”

He calmed himself and then lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine. “It was out of anger.”

“You wanted to hurt me?”

“Yes.” He looked at me with pain in his eyes. “When I said it that night, it was because I thought I meant nothing to you. It made me angry and I wanted to hurt you. I remember what your exes used to say to you and it slipped. This time, the same thing happened. I felt you cared more for Yoongi and Jimin—feels like I’m not high on your list.”

To think he would stoop so low and try to damage me—on purpose—the same way my exes had ripped something in me. I never would have thought Namjoon to be someone so…normal. Such a human quality to be imperfect.

“I need to know," I forced myself to say. I didn't want to continue this talk. I was feeling so much, but I knew I had to continue. "You have to be honest. Do you have a problem with my sexual past?”

He shook his head, his face serious and steady. “No. You have a past and I would be foolish and selfish to not want you to have one. What I’ve always cared about is how you treat and see me. That's where all the anger came from, I swear.”

I understood. He had been an ass for saying it—twice—but anger was something I could easily understand.

He hung his head again and apologized once more. He was clearly remorseful.

However, I needed to set boundaries. I needed to stand up for myself. “When I open up to you, I expect you not to throw it back at me. It will only make me pull away from you.”

He sat back up and nodded. His face was flushed, tears still coming down. He apologized again.

“I appreciate the apology,” I said genuinely. I turned towards the couch. “Let’s sit down. You’re gonna hurt your knees.” I didn’t wait for his response and went towards the couch.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him get up and walk toward the empty chair. I wasn’t sure if it was because of his presence or due to feeling a sudden chill, but I shivered. Either reason was valid for my body reacting that way. I looked around for the hoodie I had been using in quarantine. I found it on the chair that Namjoon was starting to descend on. Before I could ask if he could hand it over, I noticed something about it.

It was his.

Of course, I knew it was his hoodie I had been wearing. He had left it in LA and I had used it several times since our breakup. However, wearing it in front of him wasn't appropriate.

I tried not to disguise the fact that I was looking for something, pretending it was the blanket on the couch I had been looking for. However, it was no use. He had noticed. His eyes went to the hoodie behind him and a slightly embarrassed look spread across his face.

However, even though he looked awkward, he still reached for it. “You can—”

Grabbing the blanket, I made sure to be extra noise in wrapping it around me, draining out his words. Thankfully, he was quick to catch onto what I was doing and shut up.

As I turned to him, I noticed we were a little too close. And even though my body wanted to get closer to him than I already was, my brain reminded me of the mandate. I was already breaking so many laws with Namjoon being here, I at least wanted to make sure we followed the six feet rule.

After a few moments of silence, Namjoon opened his mouth, ready to start the talk but I cut him off. “Let me start.”

He nodded and kept silent.

Meeting his eyes, I said some words I wanted to say that night. “I need to apologize as well.”

His eyes stayed on me and said nothing.

I took a breath and started what I had set out to do after walking out of Sihyuk’s house about a week ago. “You told me multiple times what you wanted from the relationship—you were very clear. You wanted transparency and I didn’t give you that. I was wrong for how I behaved. For keeping our relationship a secret from my family. I recognize I was dismissive of your emotions. I am very sorry for that.”

He nodded, accepting my apology, but he needed more words from me. “Why did you want to keep me a secret from them? It felt like I was this dirty little secret. I’ll be honest, these last few weeks, the thought that you might have someone on the side came to mind.”

I shook my head, appalled. “I never—”

“I know,” he cut me off. “You would never do something like that. It was a thought that came to mind several times. I want to be fully honest about it. My head went into some pretty dark places these last few weeks. My opinion of you wasn’t very good.”

Guilt stabbed at my chest. I knew he was being with these words. “I’m sorry.”

“Can I know why you refused to tell your family?” He did his best not to sound hurt.

But I knew Namjoon well enough to hear it. “I genuinely thought that not telling my brothers had been an oversight, but after talking to Dr. Rob, I see things differently now.”

He looked a bit shocked. “You’re seeing your therapist again?”

I nodded. “After that night, I kind of had a breakdown. Similar to years ago when I was in the middle of an anxiety attack. After a few days, I knew I needed help. Dr. Rob has been helping me figure some things out—find out why I’ve had this wall up with you.” Using the blanket as a guard, I tugged it tighter around my body as I felt my anxiety start spiking. “I learned that me keeping you at a distance stems from childhood trauma.”

I went on to explain what I had discovered with Dr. Rob. I went into a little more detail about what I witnessed as a kid with my parents. Made the connection that the toxic relationship I grew up watching damaged my trust in a partner. Boyfriends, to me, were a tainted category.

“I didn’t tell my parents about us at first because I don’t have a close relationship with them. I might talk to them on a weekly basis, but it’s always short and I never share anything meaningful. Plus, I’m sure my mother’s ability to taint anything I care about had something to do with it. Not telling her kept you safe for me. I can easily see her make a comment about how wrong I am for you. She did it several times with Jerry. I didn’t want her doing that with you.”

Namjoon’s face was calm, but his eyes were very loud about how he felt about hearing this.

“And I think there are a few reasons why I didn’t tell my brothers. One of them was because it would make us more real. Which increased the possibility of you leaving. And that scared me.” The abandonment issues I didn’t know I had started to resurface. Now that I could identify the feeling, I took notice of it quickly. “The only guys who stuck around were the bad ones.”

“Jerry was willing to stick around,” he pointed out immediately. “And he was great.”

“But he didn’t really know me. I kept a lot of things from him. And the things I did tell him, he dismissed,” I countered back.

“But I do and I want to be with you,” he said without hesitation.

My heart ached for multiple reasons. “Which makes you more dangerous. It’s a double-edged sword.”

“I know I fucked up. And I am more than willing to ask for forgiveness every day—”

I cut him off. “No. I know you regret it and know you mean your apology. I forgive you. I don’t want it to become something that hangs over us. I’m still hurt by it, but it won’t last.”

He gave a slight nod. After a quiet moment, he spoke up. “I really don’t want to push you away. But I want to be let in. And I want to know that you’ll allow me in.”

I held onto his eyes, noticing how pleading they looked. I had to be honest. I couldn’t sugarcoat this. “It’s gonna be tough for me. Letting someone in is not easy. The last people I let in and depended on ended up fucking me up. I put a wall up for survival and it’s been hard bringing it down. I’ve always been aware of the wall’s presence and I’ve never minded it. But with you, I mind. I don’t want to keep you out. Even if my fight or flight instincts are screaming at me.”

He looked away, seeming to think about something.

It was a look I had seen far too often, especially more toward the end of our relationship. He was holding back. And like always, I wanted to know what was on his mind. “What? Tell me.” I braced myself for whatever he was about to say.

He didn’t meet my eyes but answered my question. “When we fought that one night—not the very last one, but the one when you almost left in the middle of the night…?”

“Yeah…?”

“You were reliving something….”

I thought back, trying to recall that night.

“Your anxiety kicked in…”

I remembered. “Mm-hmmm.”

“What was it?” There was a slight look of reluctance like he was afraid to ask. Afraid of my reaction. Afraid I might not answer.

I had told him I wanted to let him in, now I had to prove it. “A fight between my parents.”

His facial features relaxed a bit. “What was it about what I did that triggered the memory?”

The image of his fiery brown eyes crossed my mind. Eyes that were always so warm when I looked into them had been icy that night. “Your anger. You’ve gotten mad at me before, but that look…that was real anger towards me.” My eyes stayed on his as I told him what I discovered with Dr. Rob. “I know you’re nothing like my parents. But that night emotions were already escalating. My feelings for you were getting more intense. Internally, I was fighting with my defenses. I wanted to let you in and I also wanted to keep you away. Sadly, the wall won that night. The image of my parents fighting pushed me to keep it up. Not to mention that I’ve had prior relationships that around the four-month period, their demeanor changed. The thought did cross my mind that you were going to turn into one of them.”

He thought for a long moment, considering my words. He looked down at his feet, which were joined. He moved his feet a bit, thinking.

“What?” I asked, knowing he was hesitating in asking something serious.

He didn’t meet my eyes but did speak up. “I thought you might have been reliving something else that night.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Something you haven’t been able to tell me. Something you’re keeping secret.” The cocoa browns that pulled so many feelings out of me came up. “There’s something I want to know. I’ve been holding back in asking because I’ve never wanted to push you to tell me anything you’re not ready to. But it’s gotten to the point where I keep imagining the absolute worst.” A stream of tears began to come down as he braved himself. “What happened to you that caused the anxiety attack years ago?”

Another difficult hurdle had come. Tears were also coming out of me and I took a few breaths to get myself under control. “I want to share everything with you, Namjoon. But some things are difficult to talk about. Some things that,” flashes of the scariest moments of my life came to the forefront, threatening to suck me in. The bulwark I had built since childhood stood tall and strong, though, keeping the old memories at a distance. That fucking wall was my protector just as much as it was my poison. “I don’t want to ever relive,” I finished as I caught on to my words again. “There are some things I suppressed and can’t remember. There are other memories I wish I could forget.”

He cut me off, a look full of concern as he witnessed my state. “I don’t want you to relive something that is going to do more damage. I don’t want you to have to dig in too deep that you get lost.” The tears coming down from him were probably thicker than mine. “I just wanted to help you. It seemed like there was something you were going through and I wanted to comfort you. Especially since you weren’t seeing your therapist anymore.”

I nodded, agreeing with him wholeheartedly. “I shouldn’t have stopped therapy. I should have continued it. I thought I had a handle on things, but I didn’t.” I took a breath and finally said the words I had practiced so much with Dr. Rob. “I wasn’t prepared before in letting a significant other in. But I want to. I want to let you in. And I promise that I am working on it and will continue to work on it. I will tell you in more detail about what happened, but I won’t tell you everything this time.”

He waited patiently. “Whatever you want to tell me. And whatever you don’t or can’t, that’s ok with me, too. As long as you’re getting help is what matters.”

******Tugging the blanket around me, I finally told him. “Around the time my contract was about to expire, I was to have a meeting with some executives and Ky was supposed to be there. However, things happened and Ky couldn’t be there and neither could some of the executives. Only one of them met with me. The meeting started ok, but somehow it turned into a nightmare. The executive made comments that hinted at me doing him sexual favors in exchange for a better contract. It was surreal at first; I thought it was some joke. But then he walked over to me. He got too close. I froze. I felt my shirt come undone.”*******

I took the chance of stealing a look at Namjoon, wondering how he was taking this.

His face was expressionless. He kept his eyes on me with no hint of anger or pain. I let out a breath, relieved. It was something I feared a little. Namjoon had always been one to control his emotions, always relying on his head. But there was always the possibility of his emotions getting the best of him. I knew if he did lose control, I would focus on him rather than myself.

I was about to continue but then I noticed his fists. They were clenched. His arms tightened. He was angry, I could feel it now.

I instantly began to worry about him.

“What then, babe?” Namjoon said, pulling my focus away. “Don’t focus on me. Go on.” He had caught my stare.

I took a breath and continued to speak about my assault. I didn’t give him too many details, still not feeling ready to tell him everything. He sat still and listened. I told him about my talk with my mother and when I got a bit emotional, he made a move to move toward me.

With a shake of the head, I pleaded him to stay where he was. “If you hug me, I’ll come apart. And I want to get through this.”

He respected this and stayed in his seat. However, he did lean forward, looking ready to rush to my side as soon as I gave him the go-ahead.

A good while later, I was certain I had shared as much as I could about my trauma. I shed many tears, but I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would.

Looking out the window, I could only imagine what time it was. It was pitch black. This had taken a lot longer than I thought.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I bet it wasn’t easy,” he said genuinely, a look of complete care on his face.

“Thank you for listening,” I responded.

“I like listening to you.” His words moved something in me.

Having just shared so much with him, I felt a shift between us. I felt a shift in myself. The fact that he had sat there for hours listening to me and respecting my boundaries moved something in me. Suddenly, I had the urge to tell him everything; tell him exactly what I thought of him but had been too afraid to share in the past.

“There's more I need to tell you," I said, building up even more courage.

I was certain he could tell I was getting nervous. He offered me one of my favorite smiles. "I'm all ears."

I took a deep breath and began to let my heart pour out. "You are, without a doubt, the best human I know. You’re kind, gentle, resilient, positive, and empathetic. You deserve the goddamn world.” Talking about my admiration for him was making me quite emotional. So emotional that I started to cry. What I felt for Namjoon was not something that I had ever allowed myself to feel. Dr. Rob said that it would take some time to talk openly about this positive emotion without my body physically responding this way.

I was quick to notice how Namjoon shook his head, disagreeing with my view of him.

But I needed him to know how I saw him. “Despite the negativity thrown at you, you keep your composure. You stay collected when it matters most. It’s one of the many reasons why I fell for you.” Looking into his beautiful features, I continued my praises. “And there are so many qualities that made me fall for you—many physical. Like your pout. The pout you make when you mutter to yourself. And how you look when you come out of the shower in all your gloriousperfection.” He blushed wildly at this. But I wasn’t done. “When you chow down your third bowl of noodles, your Adam’s apple bobs in this very sexy way. And my favorite thing about you is how you make me feel happy.” A burst of crazed laughter came out of me, thinking of all the little moments with Namjoon. The last few weeks we had been together, this was one of the emotions I had felt and tried to block: happiness. It was so foreign to me, so I had naturally recoiled from it. However, in the month away from him, I came to find that not feeling happiness was a feeling I did not want.

He took a breath, wiped some tears, and looked directly at me. He opened his mouth, ready to say something.

But I wasn’t done. There was one last thing I needed to tell him. The most important thing I knew I would ever say. “I love you, Kim Namjoon.”

It felt like a breath of fresh air saying it. While it was difficult getting to this point, letting out the words felt good. Felt so right.

My eyes did not sway from his cocoa browns. His body relaxed—he looked relieved.

I was bathing in the happiness of finally saying the words to him but then noticed him getting to his feet. I acted instinctively and got up, wanting to get close to him. However, I remembered I was under quarantine. If I had the virus, he might get sick again. It would mess up his entire schedule. I backed away as he made a reach for him. “Six feet,” I reminded him.

He followed me, a determined look in his eyes. “Fuck the six feet.” He reached out, catching my upper arm and keeping me in place.

“Namjoon—” The air got caught in my lungs as his touch sent thrills throughout my skin. Every cell sang in joy. However, my brain demanded I take back control. I tried to pull away.

His bold and gentle hands came to my face, keeping me. His mystic eyes held my gaze.

My brain and body became mush at that point, giving up the battle. I sighed into his touch.

“Say it again,” his honeyed voice said above a whisper.

I don’t think I could ever deny him anything. “I love you, Kim Namjoon.” My heart fluttered at hearing myself say it.

I was entrusting him with my heart. And as I felt him around me, I was positive he would protect it and me at all costs.

He let out a kind of laugh I had never heard him make. It was high and kind of panty. He sounded a bit delirious. I saw the smile I had been missing for over a month. His eyes squinted as his smile widened. His nose scrunched up a bit, changing the freckled constellations on his beautiful canvas. How had I lasted so long without seeing this expression every day?

“I really missed these,” I said, my fingers reaching up and tracing the cluster of marks around his eyes and nose.

His hands moved down to my middle and tightened around me. His face came down to my neck, his nose hitting the spot between my ear and neck. He took a deep inhale. “I missed you.”

I turned my head towards his own neck, wanting to smell him back. My nose grazed his skin and I breathed in his woodsy scent.

We stayed like that for a long time, until he finally pulled up. His arms stayed around me. “I found out how I felt about you while I was with my last girlfriend,” he said, almost out of nowhere.

My state of happiness made my mind not work fast enough. “Huh?”

He went out to further explain. “I broke up with my ex a year ago because I was falling for you. By the time we were in the backhouse in the soop, I was a goner. I knew that week.” His eyes stayed on me, one of his palms back to stroking my face. “I love you, Mayahuel.”

I never thought my heart would feel ready to combust. Every fiber of my body tingled as small amounts of electricity danced inside my cells. Tears of happiness erupted once again.

More happy pecks were shared.

It started light, but I quickly felt the heat start kicking in. Not wanting Jimin’s house to be the next place we consummated our new relationship, I decided to kid around with him. “Just don’t forget I’m the one who said it first.”

He let out a light laugh. “You might have said it first, but I definitely felt it first. I let you say it first, know that,” he said teasingly, biting my lower lip.

I gave him a light smack. “You really don’t want to turn this into a competition,” I warned. “I probably fell in love with you years ago, I just was suppressing it.”

“You said it was only a crush!”

I shrugged my shoulders. “That’s not the story I’ll be telling everyone,” I said, giving him a playful smile.

“You better play nice or I won’t feed you tomorrow,” he warned. “I know you’re running out of food. I’ll let you starve,” he joked with a flirtatious smile.

Giving him another smack, I let out a pout. “Be nice to me. All I’ve had today has been ramen which was probably five years old. I found it way in the back of some dirty cupboard.”

With that, Namjoon immediately pulled out his phone and ordered multiple dishes from one of my favorite places. He went on to order me groceries that would probably last me a week. He ignored the dozen times I told him he was going overboard.

I openly rolled my eyes at him.

He didn’t answer me; his eyes looking at my arms. We were both now on the couch, waiting on the food. His body and the blanket were providing a nice warmth, but it wasn’t enough for my body. “How are you still cold?” He reached over to grab the hoodie on the chair.

However, I stopped him. “Can I have the one you have on instead?”

“Why?” he asked with a frown, but I didn’t miss how he started to take off his hoodie.

“The other one has lost your smell,” I said honestly. “Plus, this one is already warm.”

He let out a chuckle, the hoodie now off him. He handed it to me gently.

As I put it on, I took in his body. I hadn’t noticed before because Namjoon tended to wear baggy clothes. He rarely put on clothes that rightly fit his frame. But now, without the sweater, I saw how much weight he had lost.

“Namjoon,” I said, concerned.

“What?” he asked, confused by my reaction.

“You look…different.” I wanted to say scrawny, but that wasn’t a nice word to use.

He waved his hand, dismissing it. “It’s not just because of what happened. I was traveling, remember? No time for the gym. Then I ended up being stuck indoors for close to three weeks. I got an appointment to meet with my trainer in a few days.”

I gave a nod, but still couldn’t help but feel guilty for my part in his state.

Namjoon was quick to catch on to my emotions. “Hey,” he said, tipping my chin up to meet his gaze. “No guilt, ok? It was a bad time, but we’re not going back there. We’re looking ahead.”

The next nod I gave was a little more confident.

Then, a chime came on, signaling our delivery had arrived. After retrieving the bags of food, we sat on the floor to eat. I probably shouldn’t be eating this late, but I was starving.

“What are your plans after coming out of quarantine? Can your apartment be ready by the time Jimin gets back?” Namjoon asked as he fed me some of his noodles.

I took them, hungrily. “I’m hoping so. I really hate apartment shopping.”

“Stay with me until it’s ready,” Namjoon immediately offered.

“Are we ready for that?” I asked him honestly.

He thought for a moment. “I want to be, but maybe we aren’t?”

“If you have to ask, then we aren’t. I don’t want to take a step we’re unsure of.”

He nodded and took a big bite from his noodles.

“Where do you want from us?” I asked. “I know you’ve always wanted to share your thoughts but held back. I don’t want to keep you from voicing what you want to say.”

He thought for a moment. “I want a nice dinner with you and my parents. I want to properly introduce you. I’d like to see if it’s at all possible to meet with your aunt Jia and Uncle John, formally. You consider them more like your parents.”

I smiled, thinking his wants were easy to meet. “My aunt and uncle will be here in a few weeks, so that’s easy to make happen.”

He frowned. “They’re coming? What for? Just for a visit?”

“Well, Sihyuk actually invited them. They’ll be visiting for about two weeks.”

“Why does Sihyuk want to meet with them?”

I then told him.

*********

~NAMJOON~

Weeks later….

There was only reason Namjoon had gone to HYBE on his day off was for moral support. Today was the day. And he was positive Maya’s anxiety would be spiking. He had seen her over his place earlier and her nerves were already jittery.

The elevator doors opened to his designated floor. He walked out and headed to the lobby, seeing one man and two women speaking to each other. The man and the older woman were sitting on the couch as the younger woman paced in front of them.

Yeah, her anxiety was spiking, Namjoon thought as he quickened his pace.

They were in such heavy discussion; he was positive they hadn’t heard him.

The couple was the first to notice him. He gave them a smile and polite bow.

Maya’s aunt and uncle got to their feet and greeted Namjoon back.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed Maya had stopped pacing and making her way to him. “What are you doing here?” she asked him. She was trying to hide the feeling of relief.

If her aunt and uncle hadn’t been present, he would have wrapped her in his arms to calm her. However, he had been raised to be a proper, Korean man and kept a proper distance. He got as close as he felt was respectful. “I told you I would meet you here,” he reminded her.

“Yeah, but I thought you meant it would be after the meeting.” He noticed how her legs leaned towards him, but she also kept her distance. She knew him well to know what he was comfortable with when it came to PDA. They had met with her aunt and uncle a few times for her to know.

“I wanted to be here to escort you if you wanted. And to answer any last-minute questions.”

“So, it really is going to be just the three of us and him? No other executives? No lawyers?” Asked Jia, still looking like she didn’t believe what had been said to her several times.

Namjoon smiled and nodded. “Sihyuknim cares and respects his artists. Having a meeting with the artist and their parents is something very important to him. He wants the parents to know he’s taking good care of their child. That he is willing to treat the artist like extended family. He did the same with us. It was just us, our parents—no lawyers—and we signed the contracts. It’s the reason why Big Hit is so small. He wants it to be a family business.”

John’s chest puffed a bit like he loved the idea that he was considered to be Maya’s parent. Jia’s smile spread wide, clearly feeling the same. There were even some tears in her eyes.

Jia seemed to shake herself out of it. “Namjoonah, is there a particular wine your parents really like? Mayita says they like wine but is unsure which is their favorite,” Jia said.

“I’ll message you an image of it,” Namjoon promised.

Maya’s aunt and uncle were going to meet Namjoon’s parents tonight. It had been Namjoon’s mother who had invited Maya’s family over.

Maya had been over for dinner at his parents' every weekend. Namjoon also had a feeling Eomuni would be inviting them to the house for Seollol.

“We would appreciate that, thank you,” responded Jia.

“How have you guys been sleeping?” Namjoon asked, curious. He remembered John mentioning the other day how the time difference was affecting his sleep.

“Better last night,” John said.

They were staying in Maya’s new apartment. Her old apartment was having too many issues with the renovations and wasn’t going to be ready for the initial date they had given Maya. The landlord let Maya out of her lease early, so she was able to look for another apartment.

While it had caused a lot of stress for Maya for a couple of weeks, something good came out of it. She had found an apartment in Namjoon’s community, so she was now a lot closer. They wouldn’t need to use so many drivers now since they were only walking distance from one another.

But even though they saw each other every day, they didn’t sleep in each other’s place. This time, Namjoon wanted to make sure their emotions were stable before they took that next step. Like before, Maya assured Namjoon that once he was ready then she would be, too. And it’s not like he didn’t want to sleep with her, because goddammit he did.

However, he was really enjoying the stage they were in. During the few weeks they had gotten back together, Maya had done such a turn-around. She was emotionally open and communicated very well with Namjoon. Gone were the days that she kept things to herself. The only time she did this was when she wasn’t sure what she was going through. And she told Namjoon so. When she got confused about something, rather than closing up, she let Namjoon know she needed time to decipher what she was feeling or thinking. This change in her made Namjoon fall deeper in love with her. He hadn’t thought it was possible, but it was the truth.

And the more he fell in love with her, the more he was drawn to her physically. It was getting harder to keep his hands off her. He was ready to make that next step with her. And he had a feeling it might be tonight. There were just a few things he needed to take care of.

“Should we start heading up?” asked John as he looked down at his watch.

We all turned to Maya.

She nodded, looking at little nervous.

Jia reached over and squeezed her arm before taking her husband’s hand. “Let’s go.”

John made a motion for Maya to lead the way.

As Maya walked, she took hold of Namjoon’s arm.

Together, they all walked towards the elevator. Plenty of eyes turned towards the four of them, their gaze lingering on Maya’s arm linked through Namjoon’s. He was sure Maya noticed the stares as well.

She didn’t seem bothered by them, though. She kept her head high in confidence.

Namjoon felt his heart swell and witnessed Maya feeling indifferent to the staff learning about her possibly romantic relationship with Bagntan’s leader, RM.

Yeah, he was definitely taking her to bed tonight.

**************

MASTERLIST

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 Sequel (Book II)

***********************

AN: This concludes the story I planned for Maya and Namjoon! Thank you everyone for coming along on this journey! I adored writing these two.

However, I do have some news—good or bad, I don't know. This story will be continuing. I haven’t been able to get rid of these two from my head. Mostly it’s because RM smutty songs keep inspiring me. The first chapter of their new story is up and linked here.

I have the story (mostly) mapped out. It won’t be a story as long as this one ( I hope). It will work mostly as a journey of the two learning how to navigate through a mature, adult relationship. I intend to have an equal amount of fluff and smut in every chapter. It will work more like chapters of drabbles than one, big story.

Similarly to ITMOTN, though, I’ll want a big chunk of the story written before I start posting.

[cosmic-ships]

Reasons I like Mills so much -

This is going to get real as I do talk about my own real life experiences with my own child! Nothing explicit will be said but if you're sensitive of implications of abuse then don't read on okay? <3

I am actually un certain if I want to post this or not.. I'm just letting you all know this isn't any self-insert information (Actual self-insert is going to be totally different!) this is my reasoning on why I like him. It's very personal reasons to me and for that, this post is not rebloggable. If you read it thank you, it means a lot to me and if you can't read it, that's okay too. I care about people's comfort.

He's a dad / I'm a parent

He had to leave his child behind (She was very sick) / My child was essentially kidnapped by her biological dad.

He would do anything for his daughter He took that two year long journey to get enough money to pay for her treatment. / I worked endlessly for six months straight, making phone calls to every lawyer under the sun that I would accept me, fought with police and CAS to check in on my daughter. (They both failed us.)

I relate to him - He was far away from his daughter and didn't know if she was okay until he did get confirmation via video logs. / I didn't know if my kid was okay and I had no way of knowing because she was essentially kidnapped. So I can relate to the pain he felt- (Just fyi- this is true and not just something made up for an si, it was extremely traumatizing for me.)

Unfortunately he lost his daughter (she passed away before he got back home) / I thought I could lose my daughter. (from what had happened to her when I was able to get her back safely)

There was a moment where he laid down and he covered his eyes, his hands were shaking and no noise was coming out of him. the scene didn't have to explicitly say anything to me I know what he was feeling. Yes, his was over the loss of his child and mine was the unknown of my child. I knew she wasn't safe and even though I was trying my hardest to get her back home I felt so helpless and alone I did what he did. I broke down. No noise, silent tears as I sat there shaking uncontrollably.

So I don't just like this character because I think he's a cool protective dad (He finds a survivor of a crash who is a kid and helps her) or because he's portrayed by Ad.a.m Dr.i.ver. I like him because I relate to him in a sense- Every time there was silence and he remembered those good times I knew exactly how he was feeling, every breakdown, every defensive statement.... because I experienced something similar. I connected with him in a very real way... That is why I like him..

[galaxysharks]

I feel like I want to post, not a 'rewrite' of season 3, because I do like the story and how most of it played out, but like a few extra scenes or scene add-ons that we could have gotten if the episodes were at a more standardized run length. More to show some of the relationships or traits we get told about.

Specifically to establish the camp as a home for Ej when not in SLC. He was so busy that he felt almost like a prop with dialogue in some aspects. Like he knows these people, two of them are his best friends, some he admittedly hasn't had a lot of time to update with his current life, but still.

03x01

Arrive at CSL (explain Val missing & general roles)

EJ: Where's Val? If you're collecting phones, who's setting up stage?

Maddox: flight delay, Val can't be in until tomorrow morning at the earliest. Dewey's rigging the lights.

EJ: you're going to spend 3 hours fixing those

Maddox: I know. When you're settled, stop by the office to grab your keys and badge.

Collecting the phones (explaining how everyone just has them anyway)

Maddox: if you really need it, there's a rotary phone by the barn, and some of the CITs have a key to the drawer these are in, but we do try to avoid using them.

Dewey (off screen): Gadget! This things broken again!

03x02

During Ej and Gina's talk at the barn

*bugle*

Gina: is she going to do that everyday?

EJ: be glad she waits til 7:00, Gadget wakes up at 4:00. ( Mainly because the hilarious parallel of neither sibling sleeping ever)

Gina: why?

EJ: it's so she can get things set up in time. The stage for rehearsals needs to be prepared, waking up camp, prep work for activities in the week. She's been a CIT since she was like 13, at this point, she runs this place more than Dewey does.

When Val and EJ are speaking in the office

Val: you know we own phones right? What happened this year?

EJ: a lot, I'm sorry there was so much going on at school and with college....

Val: you're fine, life happens. It was just radio silence for months then all of the sudden Maddox is texting me about some big mass apology for being a jerk and cheating and poisoning people? By the way, I don't think Maddox is going to let you borrow her keys to the pantry this year.

EJ: yeah that's fair.

Val: talk to us, especially if you need someone who won't take the problem home.

03x03

At the cast wall

EJ: Stage Manager, Where's Val? I need to talk to her about the cast list.

Maddox: Mallory's sick, Val is filling in for CIT for the sporting cabins, they're doing nature walks today.

When EJ stops by with flowers

Maddox making a point to time the two minutes exactly.

Rules of camping

EJ: Also, no walking alone in the woods, and stay on the paths. If you do get lost, stay put and yell out, Maddox will come get you faster than you'll wander back. No switching tents, so make sure you like your roommate.

At Ej's Tent

Maddox: let's make a deal, if you sing the ballad of shallow Lake, I'll come back here afterwards and we can sort out the set design. That takes one thing off your plate. I can get started construction tomorrow.

EJ: don't you want to scare the new kids, Woman in the Woods?

Maddox: I set up speakers, left a Gillie suit out and gave Crash two boxes of candy to creep around the fire during storytime, I'm sure people will get plenty scared. This is important to you, so let's make sure it goes well.

EJ: you're evil on Halloween, aren't you?

When Carlos and Kourtney are with Ej

EJ: Kourtney, there is no Woman in the Woods, it's Maddox. She likes scaring people on Newbie night. The russling, the screams, it's all her. Shes trying to get you to have fun.

Kourtney: making cardiac arrest contagious is not fun.

EJ: yeah, this is, unfortunately, Gadgets A-game with socializing. I think you guys make her nervous. Either way, she's done for tonight, so you can relax.

[localplaguenurse]

Hello it's me again here to yell at you some more about gold as ginkgo because WHAT IS YOUR WRITING???? OMG I'm at ch23 already and so much has happened fcvhbjknklml amazing storytelling!!

Now this is gonna get a biiiit personal mayhaps sorry if that makes you uncomfy maybe?? But I just want to express how much I *adore* the way you portray the protag's anxiety and particularly the internal conflict of coming out of a toxic relationship.

this paragraph, this one in particular got me literally crying. I kid you not I started weeping and then went to talk to my besties because it's so real it hit me so hard. I'm sorry many people can relate of course but I in particular I'm just coming out (~5 months or so) of a 12+ year old toxic relationship and I've been struggling SO HARD, really so hard. And that made me feel validated, that made me feel like yes it's a thing it's normal. (I too had straight up panic attacks that left me with hands shaking and crying)

It looks eerily a lot like something I'd told my best friend weeks ago

anyway idk I just want to say your writing is amazing, the pacing, the characterization. I love that wifey doesn't just "get over" things or "get better" int he way it's usually portrayed, it's organic and slow and she falls back into negative thoughts and stutters and gets anxious but they ARE getting better in the little things, in the confidence, in the healing, in the feeling comfortable.

And it's not just that, the social anxiety, the nonbinary struggle, the feel that you're annoying others and have to be hyper independent never asking for help. I may not fully relate to all of them but you do make them important on the story and I feel like you portray them all so well.

And Gods, Morax/Zhongli is so nice lmao <3 need me a partner like that //hit that is SUPER self-indulgent love it. He's all kind and patient and loving and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ;w; I love him your honor <3<3<3

Aaaaanyway loved their outing to the city, love Li Lei's character, loved wifey slowly growing out of their shell, love Morax fucking crashing injured in the middle of the night during a storm and Xiao and the panic and everything, the whole dealing with the Abbes CHILL MAN LITERALL CHILLS OMG. Love the golden smoke yes it is your signature ehe <3

(as a side note, I remember a lot of chapters ago this scene with Morax commenting about a storm incoming and then dissapearing and I was like.... is this some weird ass mandela effect or am I crazy bc I specifically remember this lore of dragons getting horny during the rain but NAAAHHH NO WAY the fic isn't going on that direction Crys pls chill your horny brain BUT THEN HAHAHAHA GUESS WHO WAS LOWKEY RIGHT??? I DID READ EYE OF THE STORM TOO TO BE FAIR. Also on the same line of my horny brain so sorry for this but wigey being so asdfcvhbnjmk about praise and compliment has me going PRAISE KINK PRAISE KINK MORAX PLS!!!!//HIT)

ok that's enough this got way too long I apologize I got emotional n cried again I LOVE YOUR FIC!!!!!

I am going to get emotional, I'm getting the like heavy feeling in my eyes of "oh tears! may be soon!"

I'm also gonna get a little personal because it also ties in with the fic and just, y'know, if we're sharing then I'm gonna share too.

I've said numerous times that wifey's experiences with anxiety stem from my own. I was also writing this fic during a few very difficult parts of my life so I really leaned HARD into those aspects of their character. Something I also mentioned a few times is that I used to write stuff on wattpad, I got burnt out, and then I didn't post fic for five years (which now that I think of it, technically not true because I did post some things on amino back in high school, but y'know). I never really stopped writing, though. Gave me room to experiment and because I'm A) a lifelong fan of the dark and macabre (even though I'm actually a bit of a chicken baby), and B) very depressed/anxious, naturally I leaned more into darker writing. I liked to make it a point of writing happy endings but I would put my charcters through the fucking wringer.

I was also a huge people pleaser in high school that didn't know how to make friends aside from the ones I already had. You can imagine how fucking devastated I was when one day, fuckin completely out of the blue, I was booted from my friend group. I only had like five friends and I kept two of them after that shit. One of those friends was a girl I had known since first grade. For the next two years right up until covid hit I was like "well fuck, Charlotte, guess you've only got two friends now. It's only a matter of time before they get sick of you too." It took me maybe a year for me to realize it wasn't my fault that the people I trusted turned out to be shitty, and it wasn't until like a year or two ago that I was able to actually open up and talk about that shit because I've been terrified to actually be vulnerable with people since then.

That's only like some of my damage, I've also got the eldest daughter and "ah fuck I think I'm undiagnosed neurodivergent" trauma. Two for one combo! Love it here!

So, yeah, I got pretty good at writing and specifically writing about people dealing with toxic relationships. Part of it is venting, part of it is wanting to raise awareness for these things, and part of it is just, idk, I like writing this stuff. I'll write whatever if it's interesting enough.

Anyways, thank you so much!!! There's more I could go on about but that's spoilers, so I just wanna say I'm really really happy you like what I've done! Put my heart and soul into this baby. Also yes this is horrifically self indulgent lmao, this fic was like entirely catered to me and my beta reader and apparently everyone else is into it.

I hope your day or night is well, whatever time it is where you are!

[beinfriends]

( Alright, pretty sure I've basically collected everybody in the Mother RPC at this point, so looks like it's time for me to say... hello! I'm Rabbit, or better known as Psy in this community (which you can see I continue to go by... because I am too fucking lazy to redo my promo assets. But I still really do just use Psy still.), and I was in the Mother RPC previously from 2018-2021 (I think? or 2020, I don't really remember) and wound up leaving due to mental health reasons, but recently I randomly got the urge to come back, so here I am with a remade blog. I was previously twinsmily, pigmonarch/allhailkingp, and beinfriends, a blog I have since moved from in order to make this blog.

I've added a lot of muses since the previous iteration of this blog. I feel like I should warn people, even if you knew me prior to rejoining (i.e. Neg and Star. hi btw) that my muse priorities have shifted quite a bit, although Lucas/Claus/Porky are still main muses for me. I replayed Mother 3 last June and got really into the Tazmily villagers for some reason, hence why I added all of them to my muse roster. If you remember the original version of this blog, my list was like <10 muses. We're at 50 now, and I didn't even list everybody.

As to why this even happened... I was playing chapter 3 and read Paul's text during the scene where Fassad tries to get everyone to pick up Happy Boxes and he said "I don't need happiness. It's standing right next to me." and I just really admired his wifeguy-ness... I thought that was so cute, since I'd never really thought about him before. And then my brain decided I liked literally all of them so here we are.

As mentioned in my rules, I did recommend the worldbuilding page + considering reading my fic recs per each character, but overall, I feel I should plug this directly. If you're interested in seeing the Tazmily that I have built in excruciating detail, consider giving A Change of Heart a read. The fic is about Leder telling everyone the truth about their past and everyone being forced to reckon with their trauma and memories.

Up front, it's 200,000 words. But it's a fic I wrote over the course of 5 months last year and is a huge basis for how my Tazmily now functions. The main verse of this blog is directly tied to this fic. Per my timeline, the final events of ACOH concluded one year prior to the events of this blog. BUT it's okay, I do not expect you to know all this shit. I will tell you things as necessary, I just thought I could cut out the middleman a bit is all.

What do you need to know about the default universe of this blog? Here's a few simple things to make it clearer:

The events of Mother 3 concluded 4 years ago.

ALL Tazmily villagers have regained their full memories of the past. The story is generally gone, though people didn't abandon their roles/jobs.

Tazmily has been rebuilt in the old style, but the world is a mix of old and new; people still use DP, but bartering has come back in a major way in terms of doing business.

There are multiple new settlements to account for all the New Porkers.

In all, it's pretty simple, but again, highly recommend you check out my worldbuilding page for a more in-depth rundown of the world, but still shorter than a 200,000 word fic lol. I still have some stuff I wanna add, but I got a lot of it done yesterday.

Also, I have a lot of posts queued from my personal about villager lines, or edits I made, so on, so expect to see those posts in the coming days. I have chronicled a vast majority of lines you can possibly see the villagers say. I got plenty o' lines you've probably never seen. There's only a handful of lines I cannot find, and am assuming went unused. So yeah, enjoy that!! It'll be your crash course on the villagers if you, like everybody (including past me), know very little about the villagers. I look forward to it.

This blog may or may not wind up being low activity, but it remains to be seen. I start my new job today, so I'll see how the work-life balance is. Bios are still a WIP. As I said yesterday, I have 19/50 completed. I will hopefully do the secondary bio batch soon, but probably not today, and probably not tomorrow, because work. But everyone in the main tier has a bio, so check 'em out!

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I hope I get to know all of you better in the coming days and weeks! Starter call will come after this post for everyone. See ya soon! )

[alexthemenace]

Inktober 2019 archive

Posting all my Inktober 2019 pics cause it was the only year where I successfully did a drawing for every day of the month. And also used actual ink for these which I know is not required but I wanted to. Most of these were never posted outside the "Rebel Taxi" Amino so I wanna document their existence and share them with the public. My gimmick with these was to do them in 5-15 minutes as a challenge to come up with ideas on the spot. And also so I wouldn't spend too much time on these since my college projects took priority. I also had my purple Halloween neon lights on when I took these pictures so that is why they're all purple (minus day 31's drawing). Anyway, here they are in order of the days I made them.

Day 1: a generic east coast rapper on the mic rocking a show. Mostly inspired by Chuck D of Public Enemy and maybe subconsciously Todd in the Shadows. Oh and totally forgot that I was watching Vin Diesel's 1997 feature directorial debut, Strays, before I drew this which had a very gritty 90s NYC setting. At the time I was very impressed by his short film directorial debut, Multi-Facial, so I wanted to see if his feature was just as good (it wasn't).

Day 2: a defeated young man submitting to an alien/holy light shining down upon him. You could also interpret it as seeking of a higher power. Inspired by the CD artwork of OutKast's ATLiens album. This was later turned into a self-portrait oil painting for class which turned out really great.

Day 3: vaguely retro comic book Batman crashing through a window upon a crime scene. This was done right before I went to see Joker in theaters. The perspective and anatomy is meh but it was a quick drawing so I can live with it. Apparently I took 20 minutes with it according to my notes from Discord in 2019 which wow.

Day 4: Close-up of Cesare from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. This was one of two drawings where I intentionally broke my 5-15 minute rule as I did this in about an hour. I used a reference of the iconic scene of him waking up but I still tried to be quick so the face looks less like Conrad Veidt and more like David Bowie imo but I'm still quite proud of it.

Day 5: a possessed woman. Took a wee bit longer to do but this was a fun exercise to draw longer hair like this (something I still don't have a lot of experience with) and to play a bit with perspective and anatomy without a reference iirc. She is also supposed to vaguely be from an older era far from civilization - hence the lack of clothing (she is tastefully censored though). Apparently I wasn't happy with how stiff she turned out back then but I think in hindsight it works quite well.

Day 6: a bald child from a mental ward stares at a man laying face down on a haystack. The girl was loosely based off Eleven from Stranger Things. The man in the haystack also reminds me of that one Junji Ito manga but I don't remember if that thought that came to me while making this or that's just hindsight. Also I didn't start with a finished concept in mind for this one so, very randomly put together.

Day 7: Nostalgia Critic 2Pac. As it says, it's Doug Walker if he modeled his Nostalgia Critic character after 2Pac's aesthetic. I personally really like this one. Have also been told he resembles a Beavis and Butt-head character which I see lol but that's ok. Apparently I was watching JAR Media's video on if Nostalgia Critic was cringy and for some fucking reason the idea of 2Pac came to mind lol.

Day 8: a baby with a dripping spear celebrating the head of a medium sized therapod dinosaur they successfully hunted. This one was inspired by Genndy Tartakovsky's Primal which I was a very big fan of at the time. Censored cause I like my Tumblr account and don't wanna risk losing it.

Day 9: Count Orlok from Nosferatu opening a door. I think it turned out nicely but don't really have much else to say about it other than the fact that I didn't use a reference.

Day 10: sullen twink laying bare on the ground. This was inspired by that iconic image of Maria from Silent Hill 2 laying down on the ground by the Heaven's Night neon sign. I think I just particularly like this kind of imagery since a mood piece I shot later that month incorporated a shot that is exactly like this (minus the lack of clothing). Also, the uncensored drawing actually shows nothing explicit since I intentionally had that area covered in shadows. But I worry Tumblr will think otherwise and smite down upon me so it's better to be safe than sorry. Also the perspective on his right leg is off so better to not see it in full anyway.

Day 11: gentleman combing his hair in a mirror that reveals a skeleton doing the same thing. The pic crops off the bottom part of the drawing which shows his legs and the tail flaps of his suit. But I always thought that part looked extra janky so I never include it. It was a rushed drawing anyway.

Day 12: Tim Burton inspired child sitting in the corner of a room, looking very sad. Supposed to represent being overwhelmed with life and emotions. I recall I also had Dib from Invader Zim in mind when drawing this. I don't tend to draw in this art style much so I'm pretty surprised even now how good it turned out. At the time I was doing a presentation for my Directing class on Tim Burton - so he was definitely on my mind for this.

Day 13: imprisoned droid waking up in the middle of the night. Apparently I was thinking of a bunch of movies when I did this plus I think Scud: The Disposable Assassin and my own avatar. Also I just like robots with this kind of thin pill shaped build.

Day 14: my idea of man that has fully evolved into only being able to eat, sleep, and stare at a screen. I didn't sleep the night before so I thought to draw a human that has devolved into a lazy slob who only eats and sleeps and as a result is incredibly out of shape save its legs to move around as it scours the land for any food before deciding to fall asleep for days. Thank you Discord notes from myself in 2019 for helping me remember this exact story lol.

Day 15: Undead Pan Pizza of RebelTaxi singing his pathetic little heart out. The design is based off of Jack Skellington (namely the proportions and spooky qualities like the stitches across Pan's face) during one of his more sad song numbers in The Nightmare Before Christmas. It's worth noting this era was sorta the last big hoorah for my obsession and fanboyism of Pan. I had a mild burst of being hooked one last time around Fall 2019 after losing interest in his podcast around the beginning of that year (a podcast I previously would follow religiously). I still liked him after this era and would definitely have periods of renewed interest but not to the same extent as before sadly.

Day 16: an imprisoned boy looking at the light coming through his barred window. This one used more pencil than ink to break away from mostly keeping it ink. It's very janky but the idea speaks to me. Apparently was also trying to think of a portrait for my oil painting class so this was one of the ideas that came to mind (didn't end up using it for anything though).

Day 17: a spooky little sickly old guy. I apparently was inspired by a character from Courage the Cowardly Dog when I did this. No clue which episode now though unless you guys can remember what he looks like.

Day 18: guy getting his face vacuumed off. I like that one episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy where Eddy's face get sucked by a vacuum. I got nothing else to say.

Day 19: self-portrait of me directing. It's a cutesy little drawing of me! And also the outfit I wore when I directed my mood piece that day.

Day 20: a large and vicious snake lizard hybrid. It's pretty self-explanatory. I think ultimately it's more just a snake with forearms and a spike tail. I guess I just was thinking at the time "what would be the ultimate snake?" Like a snake that can beat any snake. Also this was done on day 21 since I didn't have time on day 20 for it.

Day 21: large older guy hiding a knife behind his back. His looked is based on a friend of mine I went to college with and how he looked on set a few days ago when the light glistened over him. Although instead of a knife he held a script. He also vaguely reminds me of Al from Toy Story 2.

Day 22: sleep paralysis demon taunts twink. I like twinks, ok. Also I think just noticed something about that demon that I forgot I did but oh well. I think it'll be fine.

Day 23: guy with a very, very itchy head. I really like the pose and facial expression so it's actually one of my favorites here despite it being relatively mundane. Also, the itchy head may have been cause my head was itchy while drawing this but I don't remember. But I do remember part of the influence here was how sometimes great feelings of stress and anger would trigger an itchy head for me.

Day 24: a corpse brought back to life in a very rough and unfinished form. Obviously a bit of a Frankenstein's monster meets I guess Sally and Dr. Finkelstein from The Nightmare Before Christmas influence here. I may have had Pearl from Steven Universe in mind when I did this too since me and another friend definitely saw the resemblance.

Day 25: a twink who hit their face a little too hard on the bathroom sink. Twink. The full picture isn't really that gruesome imo (the face isn't visible) but I was trying to censor the liquids a bit for obvious reasons I already disclosed earlier. Also, he was loosely based on me but don't think too hard about that. I just had a bad day directing on set was all.

Day 26: Cute, unamused Hot Topic employee being bitten on the left leg by his pet lizard. Yet again another twink but this one's outfit is based mostly on my wardrobe at the time (minus the Jack Skellington shirt but I did/do have some pajama pants of him). And I guess I find reptiles cool so, only just noticing a bit of a reoccurring subject here (along with twinks).

Day 27: a melting zombie-like corpse crawling away from a puddle of acid. A tad more gruesome, sure, but I think it's a pretty cool drawing. And also it's like, a zombie, so it's not that inappropriate for standards here I hope. Apparently took a while to come up with an idea for this one.

Day 28: that one guy from Jacob's Ladder with a bag over his head and no legs walking with his arms. When I drew this, I had just seen Jacob's Ladder the night before for the first time and it became an instant favorite of mine. So, I drew a character from it. Him walking with his arms is based off of Mugshot's mode of travel from Sly Cooper.

Day 29: Jimi Hendrix inspired voodoo guy with a crystal ball. Pretty self-explanatory. Had fun with the texture and lighting although I was never quite satisfied with how I did the shading on his hair. The straight lines make his fro look like a porcupine lol. Regardless of that, it's a pretty cool drawing. Also worth noting is that during this time I fell back in love with 60s music. The Doors and Beatles in particular were major points of obsession for me. Especially their psychedelic period and ofc Jimi Hendrix was part of that era so that deep fixation for psychedelic and hippie music made its way into this.

Day 30: lizard amphibian fish mishmash girl with pony tails happily waving at us. This was definitely my least favorite of these and if not for my next and final drawing, would've been a lackluster way to end this. It's not awful but eh, just never really personally resonated with me. Also, she is wearing a seaweed braw so don't panic moral guardians of the world. For some reason Mrs. Bighead from Rocko's Modern Life came to mind when I drew this. Along with a certain friend of mind, @fishboigazer-blog, (which if you or a mutual is reading this lol hey).

And that's it for now since I can't fit more than 30 pics. Which is fine by me cause Day 31 deserves its own post since that one I did spend a few hours on as opposed to the rest of these. That one I also did actually post to Tumblr back in the day so I may just reblog it come Halloween.

If you actually read this far, thank you! I spent hours trying to put this together in a way that is satisfactory to me and hopefully gives plenty of insight into my process. This has been a very long time coming and hope to actually post more original stuff on here instead of just endlessly reblogging things.

[pr0ng3ls]

So weird thing I'm chatting about right now, I have an Etsy! Or, well had.

At the current moment my page is down, why? Lots of fun real life problems ;o;! The most prominent being the fact that my ability to get packages sent out has been horrendous, I think its because the packages are so small and bland looking that they just easily get lost in the mail. So, as of the last few months stuff has just seemed to be stacking up.

If you wish to read more, everything is under the cut including some behind the scenes in recent developments.

So I'm just gonna be 100% transparent about all the reasons my shop has been down:

•My wrist has been getting Really bad, I've had to purchase a wrist brace just to function with my right hand, it hasn't been fun.

•My dad and So managed to both have a hospital visit within a month. My dad had 2 serious viruses (idk the name of them. Funny enough one you can only get on cruises while the other was a simple fungal infection of the throat), while my SO had hydroplaned on his way home from work one morning and crashed into a tree, he had came out amazingly well, with just a few scrapes, bruises, and a pulled shoulder. Scary thing about it was maybe 10 ft away was a large irrigation ditch that would have easily swallowed and flooded his car.

•Depression and ED had a pretty solid hold on me, I was left with unfulfilled orders and by the time I would wake up the next day the post office was already closed. This was going on for a few months, all orders that were not fulfilled were fully refunded.

•My products are just not getting to me. I've been waiting on our old housemate to send me the rest of my Sakura enamel pins, this was back in... Feb? March? Just after we moved.

•Many if not all of my designs just don't sit right with me anymore. I still like them, but they need a heavy dose of updating to better suit what I have planned for them. At the current moment I'm experimenting with a new hand heart design for the characters. I will exsplain this further bellow.

•The last reason is income has been very strained because of the reasons above. For the past 3 years I've personally been doing my best to aquire a stable job, but oh boy has that not been fun. I'll be honest when I say I've applied to just about every job I was able bodied and skilled to do in my old home town, employers just don't want to hire and its been making it quite difficult to focus on my etsy store because of this.

Now, I have been working on the Etsy page off on the side for the past few weeks. I've been making a new banner, icon, I've got certain things lined up and will probably have my shop remained closed for a while till I have everything figured out.

Bellow is my current lineup on how I've been overhauling the etsy page:

This has been the best way I can organize everything I've got. Now, I was going to have the Sunflower Sun Sticker checked off but unfortunately I ordered 10 beta Keychain instead of 10 beta Stickers cause my ability to comprehend words is a little... Lack Luster. But again if I decide I like the Keychain, Ill keep the design idea!

Bellow is a comparison of Sunny's old desigm and the new one!

As you can see there is a HUGE difference between the two designs now. Which I'm quite proud of actually, I'm thinking after I get my Keychains in I'll do a giveaway with them so 9 lucky people can have the design before I even properly sell it which may be months from now.

Things I don't have written down are holiday exclusive designs which I'll be selling on my Kofi later down the road till I can get settled. These will only be sticker designs atm.

Any and all inputs are welcomed at this point as I've been slowly working up a new stock, waiting until I hit a 500 count on each item before I decide its time to reopen the shop, its alot but its something I just feel I need to do.