#but i spend all my energy surviving how can i live
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fairycosmos · 1 year ago
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so sick of every day just being about surviving it. that's all i have the energy to do but it feels like i'm not really experiencing anything at all
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cosmogyros · 2 months ago
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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mmmmuffins · 1 year ago
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you meet the worlds most misogynistic person and its literally your mother
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My mother is all into homesteading and off-grid living videos right now. Every time I check up on her, this is what she wants to talk about.
It gives her a sense of peace and purpose I guess. Which is good, she’s been struggling to find that with her injuries and condition. She’s learning skills, and feeling prepared for “the worst”. Like I can’t get her to stop watching conspiracy theory bullshit on YouTube so at least this kind of content alleviates some of the anxiety the other content amplifies, because she feels like she can do something now to secure her safety later.
But to get through these conversations, I have to tell myself— hey, if natural disaster comes our way, some of this might be useful. But I know she’s not just thinking a big storm or natural disaster. She’s preparing for the collapse of society. And I don’t know how to break it to her that we wouldn’t survive that. You can make long lasting candles with crisco? Cool. Where you going to by crisco when society collapses? You’ll stock up now? Ok cool. What will you do when it runs out? Honestly, before it runs out, what will you do when people with guns come to take your various stockpiled supplies?
If we hit a point where society collapses, we’re done for. Food, medicine, etc. we can’t survive without society, without a world where people are working together trying to help each other out.
So, I’ll go through with this shit in the name of natural disaster preparedness, and because it helps her. But that’s as far as I’m willing to put energy into it. I refuse to prepare for, bet on, or hope for the collapse of society. I’d rather spend my energy trying to prevent society collapsing, what little part I can play in that. I’d rather spend my energy supporting people in my community. I’d rather work and build towards a better future, not prepare for the worst.
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mywitchyblog · 18 days ago
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Message to @alphaltrainreflection
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First of all, bitch, where did I ever say anything about "eroticizing inferiority"? Like, be fucking for real. Show me the receipts. Because unless you’re reading between lines that don’t exist, nothing in my post said anything about power dynamics, submission, or “inferiority.” It sounds like you’re projecting some judgmental bullshit that I didn’t even invite into the conversation. So let’s start there—check yourself before you come into my space twisting my words to fit your weird little agenda.
Second of all, and I mean this with every ounce of sincerity, shut the fuck up. Genuinely, if you don’t like what you see, don’t interact. It’s that simple. Not everyone has to match your narrow idea of what shifting is “supposed” to be. Shifting isn’t some gated community where you get to play security guard and decide who’s allowed in. So do us all a favor, take that rigid-ass energy, and keep it to yourself, bitch.
Let’s be real for a second. You said, “sex freaks who insist on eroticizing inferiority are ruining shifting.” Bitch, nobody’s ruining anything—especially not me. All I said was that I want to get fucked. Plain and simple. If my desire to shift for a good time offends you, you’re free to move along. Shifting means different things to different people, and if sex is part of that, it’s totally valid. If I want to shift to a reality for some damn good dick, who the fuck are you to get all sanctimonious about it? Newsflash: your opinion on what’s “appropriate” doesn’t apply here, darling.
And let’s get one thing fucking clear, because clearly, you need this spelled out: even if someone did want to shift to a reality where they take on a more passive, submissive role, what of it? Why the fuck does that bother you so much? Some people spend their whole lives having to be strong, holding shit together, constantly defending themselves, and staying in control just to survive. Maybe, just maybe, they want to create a reality where they can finally let go, surrender, and trust someone who respects them and won’t take advantage of them. Imagine that—feeling safe enough to let down your guard and explore a side of yourself you don’t get to express in this life. For some people, that’s healing. For others, it’s fun. Either way, it’s their choice, not yours. So back the fuck off.
So let’s talk about this “ruining shifting” nonsense you pulled out of nowhere. Bitch, the only thing “ruining” anything is people like you, stomping into conversations uninvited and acting like you’re the gatekeeper of how others should experience their desires. You’re clinging to this imaginary rulebook about what’s “appropriate” for shifting as if that makes you morally superior, but all it does is make you look insecure, judgmental, and way too invested in other people’s business. Spoiler alert: nobody gives a fuck about your approval or needs it to validate their experience.
Here’s the truth, since you seem to need a wake-up call: shifting is deeply personal. It’s about self-determination and freedom, not conforming to some rigid-ass code of conduct set by random bitches on the internet. If someone wants to shift for spiritual growth, self-discovery, sexual exploration, or all of the above, that’s their fucking prerogative. Shaming them because it doesn’t align with your limited, vanilla-ass view of what’s “appropriate” is straight-up pathetic.
And by the way, bitch, sex is a natural, beautiful, and completely valid part of life. If I want to shift for sex, or if someone else wants to shift to feel cherished, adored, or, yes, even submissive, that’s nobody’s fucking business but ours. Maybe instead of trying to drag others down to your level of insecurity, you could take a hard look in the mirror and figure out why other people’s sexual autonomy bothers you so damn much. Because this isn’t about “ruining shifting”; it’s about you being uncomfortable with the idea of someone enjoying themselves in a way that’s different from what you deem acceptable. Maybe some self-reflection would do you some good.
To every other shifter out there who’s ever been made to feel guilty or “lesser” for shifting for your own reasons, listen up: you don’t owe anyone an explanation, and you don’t need anyone’s approval. Your DR, your fucking rules. If shifting for you is about finding love, intimacy, exploration, or yes, even some good dick, that’s your choice. Don’t let some insecure bitch shame you or make you feel like you’re somehow ruining the experience just because it doesn’t fit into their narrow little box. Shifting is about creating the life and reality you want to live—whatever the fuck that looks like for you.
So, here’s a suggestion: take your unsolicited, holier-than-thou attitude and keep it to yourself. If you can’t handle seeing people talk openly about their desires and goals for shifting, then bitch, scroll past and save yourself the outrage. Because at the end of the day, I’m not here to please you, and neither is anyone else. We’re here to live our best lives, however we see fit, and if that’s too much for you, the door’s right over there.
To everyone who’s out here shifting for what they want, keep going. Own your desires, own your reality, and don’t let anyone’s outdated judgment make you feel like you’re doing it wrong. Shifting is your journey, and if that includes exploring intimacy, vulnerability, or sexuality, you’re not alone. You’re valid, and your experience is just as real and important as anyone else’s.
Consider this your reminder that no one’s begging for your approval. I’ll be over here, unbothered, shifting for exactly what I want, and loving every fucking second of it. ✨
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mellowsaturns · 2 years ago
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for you, anything
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JOEL MILLER X READER
summary: joel do what he does best, smuggling and taking care of you
warnings: fluff, soft!joel, domesticity, established relationship, reader caught a cold, sick fic
wc: 900
After spending years and years fighting to survive a cordyceps apocalypse and tolerating a totalitarian government regime, you were no stranger to hardship. But it seemed like one thing has finally gotten to you, something that had you weak and bedridden for days now, something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but it happened—you had managed to catch a common cold.
Okay, maybe you were being a little dramatic, but the combination of a sore throat, the inability to breathe, the stuffy nose and constant chills was making you feel awful.
The door opens and on a normal day, you would’ve been alert and ready for any potential intruders but you had no energy left and besides, you knew who it was just by the creaks of the floorboard.
You peek out from the corner of your eyes and Joel was leaning against the wall at the end of your bed, looking at you in pity.
“Shut up,” you groaned, pulling the thin blanket over your head.
That garnered a small chuckle from him. “Didn’t even say anything,” he said.
“You didn’t need to,” you murmured.
Feeling the bed dip with his pressure, he pulled the cover away. “How are you feeling today?”
“Like shit,” you replied as he brought his hand up to feel your forehead. “I can feel a major headache forming,” you added with a pout.
“Poor baby,” he cooed.
You gave him a weak punch in the arm. “You dick, if you’re here to make fun of me just leave.”
He snickered for a bit, clearly enjoying this before mellowing. “Here,” he said, handing you a paper bag you didn’t even know he was holding.
Raising an eyebrow in suspicion you took a peek inside. “Joel,” you gasped, “How did you manage to get these?”
Because inside the bag were different envelopes of white pills and packets of powdered electrolytes, everything you needed to help you get through a cold—probably way past its expiration date, but still, these were highly prized. You would have had to work months just to get enough rations for these items. And Joel just handed you these…
“Are you seriously questioning my skills?”
You scoffed. “No. But you really didn’t have to get all these for me. I would have gotten better with time.” And you know that he knows it too, but he still got these things for you because he knew it would help alleviate the pain even if it was for a little bit. And no matter how much he downplays it, you know how hard it must’ve been for him to get these items. You know because you’re in this business with him.
You couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at your lips. “But… Thank you. I appreciate you doing this for me.” For always taking care of me.
He hummed and looked away, embarrassed at the gratitude you were giving him. Getting up, he headed to the living room and grabbed you a bottle of water.
“Let me,” he offered, before placing the bottle on your bedside and helping you sit straight. He popped the medicine onto your palm and you swallowed them down. And maybe it was the placebo effect but you were feeling better already—or maybe it was just the fact that Joel was here.
Sometimes, he really was the best medicine.
Suddenly, he pulled out something from his pocket. “Here.”
You frowned in confusion before a surprised expression spread all over. “Joel…” you whispered.
Turning the package in your hand, you examined its content and the slight wrinkles of the plastic. He had managed to find you a bag of those hard fruity candies that you once loved when the world wasn’t in ruins—something you had forgotten until now. Something meaningless you told him all those years ago when you first got to know each other and reminisced about the good old days.
You wanted to cry. He went through all this effort just to make your life a little easier and joyful when you know it made his life a little harder.
When you looked up at him, he gave you a shy smile. “Thought it might make you happy.”
You were beaming. And if you weren’t sick, you’d kiss him.
He started taking off his shoes when you stopped him. “Joel, I’m sick.”
He scoffed, as if you said something absurd. “Move over,” he grunted, hogging the spot next to you and getting underneath the covers.
He crossed his arms and closed his eyes.
“I kinda miss this you know,” you whispered. Because even though you were wrapped in his jacket he gave you a few days ago, in which he insisted you wear because your blanket was too thin, it just wasn’t the same.
He made a noise in agreement and minutes later, he was snoring.
It’s been three days since you caught a cold, hence, three days since you’ve been fully in his presence. It only occurred to you now that he didn’t stay away because he was scared of catching it, but that he spent all that time working and doing what he does best. All because of you—all for you.
All you could do was admire him as moonlight gently graced the features of his face.
When you got better, you’d give him that kiss he deserved.
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millysastroblog · 9 days ago
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⚡️Solar return chart 2022⚡️
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Hello I’m am back with SR Chart observation as I promised from 2022, these are just personal observations and experiences if you haven’t experienced any sorts of things that’s complete fine. These are not facts neither predictions so don’t panic and think that the same situation will manifest for you. Alright ??? 😉
yeah let’s just get into it ! 🫶🏽
⚡️Cancer Rising:
This placement literally made me emotionally expressive and MOODY more than ever. From the start of that year i stayed at home for literally 3- 4 months after I dropped out of school. I very much enjoyed being at home with my family, cooking, cleaning doing domestic stuff . It was very interesting how the people in my environment started being very supportive and protective over my well-being like those of a little child. I definitely expressed my emotions openly : like randomly crying , huge outburst of laughter , or simply smiling a lot. I felt more caring and nurturing towards others . Thought about moving out surfaced a lot. Cancer is a very comforting energy but since it’s ruled by the moon there a lot of drastic unstable changes that could occur in once live.
⚡️Moon , North Node in the 12th house:
This placement brought a profound sense of isolation and introspection. I found myself naturally drawn to solitude, spending hours meditating, practicing yoga, or simply enjoying peaceful moments in nature. It felt like a spiritual awakening—connecting deeply with my intuition and exploring dreams that often felt like messages from a higher source. Meditation and Manifestation became a daily practice. While these moments of stillness were empowering, they also highlighted an inner restlessness and a desire to understand my true purpose. This phase was about healing, embracing the unknown, and surrendering to the flow of life.
⚡️Sun, Neptune, Jupiter in the 10th house:
Career and life path became the central focus during this time. I found myself dreaming bigger, envisioning a life where my efforts and aspirations aligned perfectly. I applied to different companies and got a new good job, I was in my hustling and bag area it was pretty good and productive year. I started thinking about the impact I wanted to have in the world like how I wanted to be perceived and what achievements I wanted to be known for. It was all about refining my goals, building a stronger work ethic, and setting the stage for future success.
⚡️SR Rising in natal 3rd house:
Communication became a major theme since I had went to a lot of interviews, had to reintroduce myself to different people which pushed me out of my comfort zone. Also writing job applications, or reconnecting with siblings, it felt like the universe was nudging me to refine my voice and share my thoughts more clearly. Short-distance travels were frequent, giving me a sense of curiosity.
⚡️Venus, Mars, Pluto in the 8th house:
Now these placements fucked meee upppp and I really mean they fucked my life up and turned it to 180
With Pluto being in my 8th house, the intensity of this year was amplified 10x. The 8th house rules transformation, trauma, money, intimacy, and taboo topics, so this energy hit hard. At the start, I was determined to open a bank and savings account, but it took forever with endless complications. I became obsessed with earning money—whether through my own efforts or others' help. Mars pushed me to focus on loans, investments, and financial security, while Venus amplified my desire for deep, soul-bonding relationships, intimacy, and, let’s be real... a lot of … Pluto, however, had other plans, flipping my world upside down. It made me face every fear and trauma regarding death, losing loved ones, intimacy, change, love, and even illness. I got sick for six months straight, lost friends, stability, and other things. It led to a mild depression, but in true 8th house fashion, I rose stronger. Now, I feel like Wonder Woman nothing and no one can shake me. I survived the storm, and that’s power. 💪🔥
⚡️Saturn in the 9th house:
Soo with this Saturn placement your girl has been hustling for good grades in school to not fail for the year. like since then I hated going to school bc it very stressful, and bad for my well-being , like I was always tense and stressed bc of school, in our normal societal living that is very much expected from us but honestly I just wasn’t having it. And even when i changed to another school it was the same shit like the environment and people were very cold ,strict and depressing I honestly didn’t had a nice time at school but at least I was motivated to study and learn as much as I can but at the end I decided to rather drop out because it was fucking with mental health. Also traveling long as hours for work and school purposes drove me crazy, that’s an area where I have been very disciplined at but It definitely took patience and determination to get there ;) .
⚡️Uranus, Chiron in the 11th house:
Guese who tf lost all their friends suddenly ??? And had a hard time fitting in new social groups because they felt different from everyone else:
🙋🏽‍♀️
(but no for real the energy is 10x intensified bc I have it natally additionaly Saturn is transiting my natal 11th house so yeah 🙁) not only did I loose most of friends but when engaging with different kinds of social groups I felt so uncomfortable and weird, like I had a very detached feeling. I hated to even be surrounded by groups of ppl that don’t hold the same value to mine or I that I can’t engage in intellectual topic of my interest. I was mostly bored asf when in interactions and stoped giving a fuck about trying too fit in and please their expectation and needs, I surely saw also trough the fake persona of a lot of ppl that I encountered and distanced myself even more. But It was that easy being all alone and isolated.
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maxlarens · 5 months ago
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oscar and 31?
31) doing a pinky swear
random but i listened to this and this dj set while writing this
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It’s difficult to resist the lure of the music, the dance floor that churns and pulses at your back. The DJ cycles through euro-pop, 2000s anthems and countless club classics that make you itch to get up and dance, something tugging in your gut when you don't.
Max and Lando have already gone into the thick of it, leaving you and Oscar at the booth. And you've decided that you're not leaving Oscar. If he's not getting on the dance floor then you aren't either. Even if your leg is about to fall off from how much you've been tapping it to the beat and you keep tipping your head back to say oh, dude, I love this song.
He'd made some offhand comment the other day, when you and Lando first made these plans, something about how he was boring, of all things. How he wouldn't be any fun at a club. It's been eating at you since. The way he'd said it, not like it was something he came to on his own, but rather, like it was something someone had told him.
The absolute last thing Oscar Piastri is is boring.
You hate that he thinks he is, you hate that he thinks he needs to be a certain way to make you happy. To make anyone happy. And you certainly don't care if he doesn't want to dance at a club— no one's going to die if he doesn't, and you'll survive a few hours in the booth until Max tires of Lando and his boundless energy.
Across from you, Oscar's taking sips of his vodka pineapple. His pale cheeks have been steadily turning more red the more alcohol that he drinks, it's cute. You're turning your drink in circles, watching it leave condensation rings on the linoleum table. The DJ is playing a remix of Murder on the Dancefloor and you're about to tip your head back and groan oh my god I love this song,
but Oscar is laughing before the words can even leave your mouth.
"You love this song too?", he raises his very nice eyebrows at you, smiling that closed mouth polite cat smile everyone likes so much.
You sigh, laugh, then roll your eyes at yourself, "Yeah. Love it."
He smiles into his drink, it turns into something a little bittersweet after a moment of you watching him. You think of the sad way he'd twitched his nose the other day, while he was telling you he was boring. Without thinking, spurred on by the alcohol, you lean across the table and swat his hand with yours. But you don't move after, you just slip your fingers into the grooves of his knuckles.
"What are you thinking?"
He bites the inside of his bottom lip, shrugs, "Nothing important."
You're not convinced.
"Is this about you thinking you're boring, Oscar?" —he raises an eyebrow at you, one that says maybe, one that says go on— "Because you are not fucking boring, Piastri."
He laughs, but its critical, disbelieving. More of a scoff than a laugh, but he doesn't want you to catch on. He's trying to act like it's all fine. That's how he is— it's fine it's fine he says and he doesn't let anyone see that things hurt him. He's so good, so nice, so unwilling to make anyone else feel bad.
Positive, optimistic to a fault.
"You're not," you insist, pressing your fingertips into his knuckles.
He shrugs again, "I'm keeping you here. I know you want to go dance. You should go.”
You’re shaking your head before he can finish, “Oscar. Please, I will live. Anyway, sometimes I want to spend time with you without Lando hanging around, y’know.”
Oscar snorts, sincerely this time, “Yeah, he’s—”
“Annoying,” you supply.
“I was going to say a pain.”
“Same thing.”
“Mm,” Oscar snickers, “S’pose so.”
Then,
“Are you sure you want to stay here with me?”
You slide your fingers down to his wrist, gently turning his arm around so it faces upward. His skin is smooth where you trace the lines in his palm. You're both quiet, looking down at your hands where they're intertwined. If you're honest, you've kind of forgotten why you did that— your thoughts feel loose, a bit disconnected. Oscar is warm and sweet and here. You just wanted to touch his hand you think. You trace a line up his ring finger without thinking.
"I'm sure," you say, a little breathless for no good reason.
"Promise."
"Huh?", you drift your gaze up to his.
Polite cat smile, he repeats, "Promise?", it's more of a question now.
You nod seriously, curling your fingers into a fist and sticking your pinky finger out, "I pinky promise, Oscar."
He does the same, lifting his hand up in offering. Your pinkies lock together, he squeezes tightly and you pull against him, like the tighter the promise is the more that you mean it.
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elysiansparadise · 5 months ago
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My cap Venus lives for ur aesthetic and work 💗 I would love ur insight on Saturn in the 2nd 🪐
Hello love! Thanks for your words. 💗
Saturn in the 2nd house
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With this placement it is very likely that the natives felt a sense of insecurity, they may think that they had never experienced what it was like to have a safe place to turn to when things went wrong, the lack of stability and order in their lives and that they experienced many things. that made them have to witness how what they or their family built, collapsed. The fear of putting effort into something only to have it collapse later. The fear of never having something secure and constant in their lives. They could have had economic problems since they were children or grew up in a home without structure. They had to assume the role of those who never broke, whom life could not move or provoke, many times being the support of the people around them or simply creating this mentality of "not causing more problems than there already were." They get used to carrying everything themselves, for fear of putting more burdens on the shoulders of those they love. Problems with self-acceptance and the mistaken idea of ​​having to do or achieve something to be loved. They have a big insecurity, and this is not having enough, either from sufficient material goods to survive or feeling that they are not enough.
Many are highly alert and wary when it comes to having others around, no matter how charming they may behave, it is difficult to let someone in completely. Many of them are very selective, and not only that, but they avoid very direct physical contact with other people, and can appear distant in that aspect. They usually know how to manage their money very well since they know how difficult it is to earn it. Financial growth can be slow but steady. Often, these people experience gradual progress in accumulating material goods and wealth. They are very persistent people when it comes to getting what they want and they highly value hard work. They hate laziness, both feeling that they are being lazy and the people around them are being lazy. Despite how secretive and selective they may seem, when they find people they value, they can be fiercely loyal and steadfast. These people can do many things for those they know they want to have around. Many of them have this way of thinking of giving to others the same thing that they give to the natives, they will never go out of their way to give to those who do not do the same for them. These natives are very consistent when it comes to giving to causes they feel are worthwhile. Consistency and stability are everything for them, even outside of economic aspects.
Material security is a priority. These people work hard to ensure they have a solid financial foundation that will provide them with long-term stability. Financial success for these natives can come later in life, after years of constant and disciplined effort. However, once they achieve it, it tends to be long-lasting and stable. They have a strong belief in the value of personal effort and in earning one's livelihood through hard work. These people tend to feel more secure and satisfied when they know they have earned what they have. Many of them have learned to work independently after what they want, so it can be difficult for them to accept support. Many of them may even have problems accepting gifts or gifts from other people [although that doesn't mean they don't like it]. These people manage their resources effectively, and by resources I not only include economic ones, but all of them. They will not spend their energy or time on things that are not worth it, neither on projects, nor jobs, much less people.
-> Go back to the masterlist
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ereawrites · 1 year ago
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girl please you are my only source of Shisui content😭😭 really feeding us shisui simps🤝🏻 anyways, if you feel like it, can you please write about shisui and (if you want to) your fav characters “the moment they realized they fell in love with you”
MMMMMMM this is cute asf! under the cut for length
shisui
he definitely already recognises he has Feelings with a capital F. he's a smart boy and unlike the other two he is pretty emotionally available. but he doesn't want to reveal his Feelings just yet because circumstances are tricky, and he doesn't want to go through all the emotions of a big confession just to not be able to pursue a relationship with you
side note this is ANBU shisui. so he's pretty busy and just casually risking his life on the regular. tbh you're also probably in ANBU and that's how you guys get to know each other so well
anyway he's been sitting on these Feelings for a while. and he knows you like him too. he knows. he indulges in some lowkey flirting from time to time, but he also tries to maintain some level of professional distance
and then you save his life and he's SCREWED
you're both assigned to the same mission and spend the entire time dancing around flirting/not flirting, trying to hide it from your teammates, just generally having to try really hard not to distract each other too much. then there's an ambush on your squad and shit gets kinda crazy
shisui probably exhausts himself a bit protecting the entire squad and manages to get himself knocked flat on his ass. there's an enemy stood over him and he's out of kunai and his chakra is depleted and he thinks well, that's that and then you're cutting down the enemy out of nowhere
he stares up at you like an idiot lol. you look like shit, you're covered in blood and your headband is lopsided. and he thinks you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen
HE LIKES A WOMAN WHO COULD BEAT HIS ASS okay
in that moment he just realises how much he trusts you, and how well you guys work together. he can't stop thinking about it long after you guys get back to the village. he's literally dreaming about it. and after a few days he's like. this is love ig. wow.
shisui won't keep it from you for long. he thinks you deserve to know, even if it changes your dynamic as teammates. capital F Feelings are one thing but love is too important to hide. he might try to keep it professional (mutual pining?!?!??!), but I also see him going for a relationship here, even if you have to hide it from your superiors. and let's be real a secret relationship with shisui. it's hot
kakashi
see now kakashi. he knows he has feelings. but he won't admit it to himself. he says no thank you not today. he's so stupid lol he thinks if he ignores it then it'll go away
he can't really keep himself away from you though. he wants to distance himself and that's his first instinct, but he literally just can't do it. he keeps finding himself wandering into your path, or just happening to train at the same time as you, or listening more intently when a mutual friend mentions your name
and the whole damn time he's like ah yes this is normal friendship. you probably don't realise anything is going on with him though, because kakashi is just weird in general. he does all this strange shit and no one questions it. you encounter him in the makeup aisle of a store on the other side of town from where he lives, and he thinks the jig is up, but you literally just assume he's doing Kakashi Things. and he thinks he's so slick
when it does finally hit him though, it hits him HARD. I see him finally realising he's in love in a very random, domestic moment
okok I've got it. he's back from a pretty tiring mission and he just instantly wipes out in his apartment as usual, doesn't bother getting groceries or anything. he figures he can survive off the food pills in the cupboard for a few days until he has the energy to grocery shop
then you just.....show up at his apartment??? carrying grocery bags?? and start putting food in his fridge????
kakashi doesn't really know how to react to this, but he feels bad just standing there, so he kinda sheepishly shuffles over and starts helping you put the groceries away. and it's nice. this is when he realises
literally drops whatever he's holding. this is a big oh shit moment for him. he lowkey really panics, he has no idea what he's supposed to do with these feelings, it's the dreaded L Word and that's scary as hell. he goes super quiet and avoids eye contact bc he's convinced you're going to read his mind
and of course you think this is Kakashi Things yet again. he's just weird. even over the next few weeks when he starts acting REALLY strange - avoiding you like the plague one day, attached to your hip the next - you don't think much of it. and this makes it sooooo much worse for him lol. he's never going to confess on his own
it's honestly torture for him. he's losing sleep over this. kakashi hatake??? in.... LOVE???? impossible
please please please just let one of your mutual friends intervene. hopefully he (drunkenly) confesses to someone, and they're able to pull some strings to force you to talk to each other. he may literally pass out when he has to confess to you, but just roll with it
tobirama
oh god it's so cliche for tobirama but I have to do it. ENEMIES TO LOVERS
like look at him. he's so smug. he has a lot of pride, so he's pretty likely to end up having some kind of political/ideological rivalry with you. maybe you tend to very vocally disagree with his ideas for the village or strategies for missions. and it annoys him so much, especially because you're articulate and convincing with your points
so he's in this weird position where he has respect for you and your intelligence..... but you also infuriate him to no end. over time, he starts to dwell on your encounters more and more - he thinks about them even when he's training, or relaxing at home, or away on a mission. and this just pisses him off more bc he literally cannot get a moment's peace from you
hashirama notices this WELL before tobirama does. and it makes him all giddy and excited bc he knows what it means, but he doesn't want to ruin the surprise for tobirama lol
honestly it gets to the point where he will ignore everyone else in the room just to debate with you. it's at this point that he starts to realise he's got strong emotions towards you, but he kind of just brushes it off as a rivalry. he definitely doesn't even consider the possibility that they're romantic feelings
tbh. you're going to have to be the one to make the first move. unfortunately for you, tobirama is hot AND irritating, so he's going to get under your skin just as much as you get under his. it probably ends up with a pretty heated confrontation at some point
lets say you've had a pretty big disagreement at a meeting, and he ended up getting his way with the rest of the council. so you storm into his office later that day to chew him out. and tobirama is in one of his smug asshole moods bc he 'won', which means he's just smirking at you. and this is the moment ok just kiss him. wipe the smug look off his face
it takes him a few seconds to react, but he definitely pushes you off and orders you out of his office. at first he's absolutely furious, but then he realises a few days later that he can't stop thinking about the kiss, and not necessarily in a bad way. he finds himself wishing he'd kissed you back, even if just out of curiosity
BUT tobirama is stubborn so he won't admit that to you. he waits until he gets an opportunity to come argue with you, then seeks you out, and tries to goad you into kissing him again. hopefully he manages to piss you off enough to make you do it. because it's GOOD
he can't help but kiss you hard. probably pulls you into him by the jaw, wraps his other arm around your waist, won't let you go. don't wanna get too saucy here but I wouldn't be surprised if this gets a little steamy before he stops himself. he gets lost in the moment
then he pushes you off AGAIN lol it's so frustrating. this time it's bc he's like oh fuck. fuck. this is more than a rivalry
it's gonna end up a game of cat and mouse tbh. neither of you want to admit the depth of your feelings, but you also can't stay away from each other
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nerdasaurus1200 · 7 months ago
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It took WAY too long to do this but I’m finally doing an analysis of Hunter regaining control against Belos! Arguably one of his best scenes in the entire show.
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I honestly forgot just how chilling Belos’s expression is here as he drains Flapjack’s energy. This is just pure wickedness; in his mind he’s probably killing three birds with one stone (or one hand in this case). He gets to punish Hunter, he gets to finally “erase” Evelyn’s memory, and he gets to fuel himself for the first time in months.
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And god, poor Hunter, when starts to regain control he is HORRIFIED by what he’s just done. You can tell this is really a breaking point for Hunter, he loves Flapjack so much that Belos hurting him was enough to get Hunter to fight back. A really interesting thing I just noticed upon rewatching it is how the hands actually reflect both Belos and Hunter. The right hand, Belos, is more monstrous while the left hand is more human. Which is honestly genius cause for a long time right handedness was seen as more holy and pure but in this case it’s a subversion of that. The “demonic” hand is stopping the “holy” hand from causing more harm.
Which makes the following struggle hurt even more cause look
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That’s Hunter’s side, the hand he has control over. He’s punching his own body in a desperate attempt to get Belos out of it.
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And the look on Hunter’s face. The poor boy is clearly in so much shock trying to reclaim his own body. It’s taking a really heavy toll on him both mentally and physically.
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“You know what I’d like Belos?”
But then ooooh, the righteous rage, the conviction and yet the softness as Hunter finally speaks up. The million dollar question that Belos never cared about, but it almost doesn’t matter. Because Hunter is in control now and for once Belos is the one who’s gonna shut up and listen.
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And Hunter begins to tell Belos off. Because despite how taxing this must be for him, he still has a mission. He knows he has to get rid of the titan’s blood so Belos won’t win, because for Flapjack’s sake and for his sake and for Caleb’s sake Belos CAN’T win. It’s interesting how Hunter makes a point about mentioning the throne room, it makes me think that most if not all his trauma took place there. Witnessing Belos’s tantrums and even being on the recieving end of them sometimes if that scar is anything to go by.
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And as Hunter continues it takes a more simple and rebellious turn. Deep down now all Hunter wants is to just be a normal teenager. He wants to learn the things he’s never been allowed to, he wants to play, he wants to spend time with his friends. There’s no way he doesn’t know how much this pisses Belos off cause it goes against everything he’s been trying to do for Hunter. For each Grimwalker before him Belos has tried so hard to keep them isolated from people and fearful of wild magic, keep them under his thumb. But not Hunter. No, Hunter will be the one to survive. He’ll be the Grimwalker that gets to do all those things and actually live a life of his own.
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And this part actually breaks my heart the most as Hunter says his final request and goes for the Titan’s Blood. I think the scar growing on his face is actually fully Belos, trying to either regain control or “punish” Hunter for his “insolence”.
And another thing that’s heartbreaking is Hunter’s selflessness within it. Cause he doesn’t wanna make sure he’s not hurt anymore, it’s deeper than that. He doesn’t want anyone to be hurt by Belos anymore, he’s just encompassing himself into anyone. Cause at the and of the day that’s where Hunter differs from Belos, he genuinely wants to help people for the greater good.
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astro-royale · 11 months ago
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How to “make it” when you live in a toxic environment
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‼️Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion based on what has helped me and is by no means professional advice. Please take what resonates according to your situation.
1. Drop your expectations. People who have shown you consistently that they don’t care will not change.You need to preserve as much energy as you can for yourself and your goals. Stop setting yourself up for disappointment. Yes, it’s sad. Do the shadow work and don’t tell people things YOU KNOW they will react negatively to.
2. Don’t expect people to be happy for you or support you. Move in silence. People’s subconscious fears will be projected onto you and your goals, why do you need those curses placed upon you when you have so much to deal with anyway.
3. Take what you can get. Accept whatever help you can receive that you know will have no repercussions. Sometimes people can help you with some things and not others.
4. Shift all your efforts towards being able to leave that environment. Do research on how you can expand your finances, and that may mean doing something out of your comfort zone such as creating a social media platform etc. Never compromise on your well being however.
5. You need to believe in yourself as much as you can, even if people won’t.
6. Take advantage of the free help and advice on the internet. Can’t afford something? Well you have time more than money at the moment so use it to research. That research can be used as an asset to help you now and maybe later it can be the reason you start a particular business or are inspired to help people.
7. BE SOLUTION ORIENTED. focusing on problems only creates more problems. You’re going to have to try over and over again in life. Focusing on what’s wrong all the time will not allow you to step outside of the box and see things from a detached point of view where you can actually see a solution.
8. Prayer. I cannot stress this enough. Prayer has caused miracles in my life. Rely on God/Universe whatever you resonate with as much as you can. Your connection to yourself and your higher power is something you always have access to and if you believe and have faith even in times of darkness your high vibration will cause the ripple effect you’re looking for and problems will be solved. I recommend praying and setting up an intention every morning and night.
9. Even if you’re in survival mode 90% of the time. That 10% you spend meditating and praying. Even a little 10 minute meditation, if you can do it and have that time to be in complete surrender and serenity it will still make a difference. It’s not about how much time is spent on something but rather the quality of that. Allow that 10 minutes to be sacred, profound.
10. Ask for all the help you can get from where you know you can. you may get turned down, life is about risks. But always keep going.
11. Create time if you don’t have it. Give something up in order to gain something else. You may need to compromise on something for the time being to be able to create a prominent change/shift in your life. But make sure it is something that won’t affect your health and well being. Example; less time watching tv, more time spent on cultivating faith
12. Be very consistent in your efforts. Consistency towards something is what creates that energetic momentum which will eventually lead to a manifestation.
13. Daily affirmations and listening to affirmations when you sleep is also a great method to reprogram your subconscious and set you up for success. Again, so many free resources out there you can use, you just have to consciously use your will power and pray to receive the strength you need so you can push through.
I’ve linked my energy healing playlist as well as another energy clearing I listen to. I will also be posting more energy healings , always listen with the intention to receive. You don’t even need to pay attention when listening to those.
The meditation I linked says “love meditation” but I’ve used it to manifest other things and I’ve received answer to my prayers immediately.
I hope this helps and I’m sending much love to everyone needing this.
youtube
youtube
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thestarfishinjootsoffice · 2 years ago
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May I ask you to do slashers ( Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Thomas Hewitt, Sinclair brothers.) With s/o that has a little black kitten that is really sweet and cuddly ❤️. I'm sorry for bad English it's not my first language 😅
It's been 7 weeks 15+ months and three days
I'm sorry anon but this just turned out with the slashers with a black kitten, i didn't include much reader I'm so sorry 😭
S/O has black cuddly kitten!
Featuring: Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Thomas Hewitt and sinclair brothers!
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Michael Myers 🔪
Michael Obviously wasn't a big fan of it at first. He doesn't mind the cat itself. No he thought it was cute, the black fur made it look mysterious and cool but it was really affectionate, and he was lowkey worried he will accidentally step on it and kill it by accident and you'll get sad Or angry or whatever those human emotions you'll go through.
He couldn't do anything to it either, he tried to avoid it as much as he could but he could only do so much against a furry creature with a keen sense of smell. And then he had no choice but to accept that a small kitten was playing around his lap and pockets. He immediately grabbed it by its entire body and placed it firmly on the spot next to him when he heard you coming.
Did that stop the kitten? No, it immediately went back to trying to play on his lap.
He sometimes stares at both you and the tiny cat play together. Lifting it up by its armpits and holding the animal close to your face as it licks your nose and you laugh sweetly. Michael decided to have a staring contest with the cat and glare at it later that night,And he lost when your baby started licking his face too.
Now he doesn't have the energy to gaf when your furry child latches itself to michel and sniff and mess with his clothes affectionately. Ig it was a nice backup company when you were gone.
Jason Voorhees 🪓
He doesn't even know how such a small cute animal like that can survive in a place where he lives.
Honestly he was scared of it at first. Similar to Michael he was scared he was gonna accidentally hurt it. And he may or may not have heard of those superstitions of black cats bringing bad luck, he tried his best to avoid it but the sheer power of a kitten's love and beauty is far too much for even a 6'5 huge bulky killing machine to resist.
It started when you went out one day for necessities Jason gets kinda sad and depressed but then your little cutie came and rubbed it's face into Jason's pants, looking for his attention and then bam. You come home to find the both of them running around the campus. (Ur kitten was jumping around and you almost died.)
The cat will soon take after the characteristics of his 'father'. Both are intently looking at you while following you wherever you go and you don't really know what to do. (Insert Jason and a black kitty with it's tail moving slowly from side to side while both are staring at you.)
He definitely likes playing with the musty overcooked puss but gets embarrassed when you find them and if you start teasing him. It's not like you're insulting him but he doesn't want you to view him as someone who is overly soft and maybe "unmanly".
He gets jealous (jealous?) When he sees the both of you together... Without him!? He's stomping towards you guys and then stares at both of you.
Will literally get so angry or panic or maybe both if a victim had discovered either of you. Makes it his goal to turn that person into nothing but chunky messy pieces of bloody meat if it even dares tries contact with you two.
There will be no harm guaranteed with Jason by you and your kitty's side.
Thomas hewitt ⛓️
Fell in love with your baby kitten at first sight, Literally!
He's a busy man but loves spending free time with you and your four legged sweetie even if he's tired. He melts into a blob of hot glue when he's chopping up victims and it climbs from his back to his shoulders and just rests and Or spends the entire time with him.
We all know Thomas is warm, so that hairy coal dusted meow meow will soon eventually fall asleep on Thomas, and it's the most heartwarming and cutest thing when you see the love of your life with your smol ass child on the palm of his hands like a little sushi roll and sleeping peacefully.
You will also commonly find Thomas and the cat together in bed during nighttime, they are best friends now.
He just looks at the cat while it's nuzzling up to him and wonders 'how can such a small thing live?'
We all know hoyt is a bastard and WILL try to mess with your dark choco pussycat but Thomas and Luda mae are in the dark corner with white glowing pupils. (Plus you running towards him straight with a pan.) Your kitty doesn't see anything wrong though, such a sweet one.
He loves how cuddly your cat is, it's the perfect solution when the family starts getting stressed. One little paw on any limb and it'll instantly lighten the mood.
He wishes he can spend more time with you and your newly adopted child but business is business but the time will come where you can all act like one small but big family<3.
Sinclair brothers 🕯
Bo despised it at first. Like really. He already has one mutt to take care of (not rlly) and now there's a fucking cat in the house? He wanted to avoid it as much as possible but the fact it just followed him no matter where he went both annoyed him and flattered him. He decides to sit down and the coca cola flavoured kitten child decides to sit with him too? And have the audacity to lick his clothes??? Well it's not that bad... Still, he picked it up and dropped it where you were and the vantablack, wormhole, monstrous shadow king of the land of darkness turns around and meows at him. Bo quickly left after that. He's a prick sometimes and messes with the kitty like holding it by it's collar but all it does is meow, lick, purr and hug his arm or bury its face into Bo's clothes and what can he even do anyways. After a while he started to not mind, actually loves it. But he will deny to no end if you ask him if he does though. But you saw how he and the cat fell asleep on top of each other one night. And that's more than enough for an answer.
Vincent thinks it's adorable, he's wondered how having a cat would be like for quite a while and safe to say he's not disappointed. It's nice to have a warm fuzzy little thing playing around him when he's painting, it would've been perfect if you were there and leaned against him. He's honestly pretty surprised the poosay actually wants to hang out around him, the place he's in is really warm 24/7 and he doesn't expect an animal to like it. The power of love is indeed strong. Coming to your boyfriend's room and finding him in his bed with your kitten just chilling around is probably hot and cute. Absolutely handles your fluffy ball of black fur child with a loving and gentle care and you often see vincent trying to make Jonesy and the cat get familiar with each other. I can see him getting along pretty well with animals? It's a lottery since your cat likes to get touchy. Likes painting the black fusty and damp blop of flesh, just waving the paintbrush around while your baby tries ro catch it is just *sobs*. black kitties are aesthetic and he knows it. Bro 100% falls in love again when he sees you with the burnt living food, it's in his mind rent free forever now.
Lester loves it, he already has a dog he takes care of and now there's a cat!? Sign him up! It takes a little while getting used to for Lester, having a cat is nothing like having a dog. He's used to the sheer power of a toddler sized pitbull lunging towards him (playfully) but now he has a tea cup sized baby cat that you can crush with 5% of power climbing up his pants? Damn this was better than he expected. He always heard some people say cats are the equivalent of evil and he was prepared for its attacks but now those people are mute to him. He didn't bring the fetus that close to Jonesy because what if she eats it (jonesy wouldn't do that). Honestly lester is just having the time of his life with two dawgs and you find them on all ground after maybe 1 hour sleeping peacefully and you joined them too cause you ain't missing out on something like that. Sometimes he forgets that it's weaker and more fragile than jonesy and uses more strength than needed when playing with the kit, your little baby just thinks it's extra strong love though<3.
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ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused · 1 year ago
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omg yes i have a smut req for hbo!joel :)
so u and joel are out and about in jackson one night and joel notices a lot of the guys staring at you at the bar… u havent made your relationship public yet, but you’ve been on his arm all evening. the second you step away from him to get another drink, some guy approaches you & tries to get u to dance with him. joel immediately walks towards him and cusses him out (or something…) & he doesnt tell u he got jealous until youre in the bathroom of the establishment with joel talking dirty in your ear & showing u how youre his <3 (sry if this was alot but thats just an idea, u can change it however u want!)
༉‧₊˚. 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 || 𝐡𝐛𝐨!𝐣𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫
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― pairing: joel miller x plus size!reader
― summary: even though your relationship with joel was unlabeled, everyone knew that you were his girl, but when a man hits on you at the bar, joel figures he may have to step it up a notch.
― warnings: jealousy, exhibitionism, bathroom sex, possesive!joel, marking, biting, heavy dirty talk (joel's filthy mouth), unprotected sex (don't be like them), cumming inside, lowkey breeding kink but not really, jealous sex, mirror sex, kissing, making out, light breast play, fluff at the end because I can't help myself, some random dude creepin for plot.
― wc: 1933
⇾ a/n: HOLY MOLY IS THIS A HEFTY ONE. i think with every smut i post the word count grows little by little. surprisingly this has a little plot but honestly not really, plus this is my first fanfic of joel so please let me know if he's in character or not because i hate when my favs aren't themselves. anyways i had fun with this big boy, so untiI i post again, see ya and i hope you enjoy!
masterlist | AO3
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Joel never had to worry about jealousy while being out on the road, and even when you had resided in the QZ, he hadn’t really had to worry about it there either, because everyone there was mostly just trying to survive, but in Jackson, people had time to live, and to love, and to lust.
It was still all so foreign to Joel despite having been in Jackson for a little over two months now, Joel, you, and Ellie sharing a house with one another across from Tommy & Maria. Tonight was one of those rare nights where Ellie decided that she wanted to spend time with kids her own age, a group of girls in her class having a sleepover at one of their places. Joel was a little apprehensive about it, but the promise of spending time alone with you was too good to pass up, and he knew that Ellie could take care of herself if need be.
So, that’s how you landed here at the Tipsy Bison all dolled up, sitting next to Joel with your fingers intertwined with his, sitting proudly in the view of any onlookers. Joel watched you with stars in his eyes as you laughed at whatever Tommy had said, even as Maria looked at the man with slightly amused embarrassment written all over her face, the table the four of you sat at was bursting with energy. You hid your wide smile behind the rim of your glass cup, taking a sip of your whisky and gazing at the couple across from you. 
Joel couldn’t remember the last time you were this laid back, your walls had become practically nonexistent. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable because you knew that you were safe, that you finally could stop worrying about your family; about the man that had no label yet, about the smart mouthed girl that you had slowly begun to consider your daughter, although the titles went unspoken, they were there.
You went to take another sip of your drink when you realized you had in fact drained it empty. With a fuzzy head and a disbelieving giggle, you let go of Joel’s hand and made your way to stand up. 
“Where ya goin’?” You heard Joel ask from over the country music that was blaring through the bars’ speakers. “To get more to drink.” He stood up, attempting to take the glass of quickly melting ice out of your hand. “Let me.” You pushed him back down into his seat gently. “I’ll be fine, babe.” With a playful roll of your eyes, you placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.
“Be right back.” 
You disappeared into the sea of people, which was surprisingly a lot. You don’t know how many times you had said, ‘excuse me’ or ‘pardon me’ before you had finally reached the bar. 
“Hi! Could I get a glass of literally any kind of whiskey you have?” You asked the bartender with a sheepish smile. “Sure thing!” You went to say ‘thank you’ when someone tapped you on your shoulder. You jumped a bit in surprise but nonetheless turned around.
There was a man standing there with a smirk, his eyes eating up your front side as they raked themselves from top of your body down to the tip of your heels. He was younger than Joel, probably around your age, dark hair with a nasty looking 6 o'clock shadow. You shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, but the man perceived it as flustered squirming. 
“Howdy.” The man greeted with a wink. You cringed a bit; it was only hot when Joel said it.
“Hey…” Your greeting was awkward, your eyes quickly searching for a way out. What was taking the bartender so long? “I just so happened to see you here all alone and figured I’d try to be the lucky guy you took home tonight.” He flirted. You took a step back when he took a step forward, your back hitting a bar stool. “Oh uh- I’m actually-”
“What’s goin’ on here, sugar?” The voice of Joel piped up from behind the man, and the geezer turned around to look at him. “I was just telling him that I was here with you, and I had to come back to the table.” Just then the bartender placed your glass on the bartop. 
“Sorry for the wait.” He apologized before taking off to tend to another patron. You gave him a grateful smile before he left and grabbed your drink, but not before Joel was grabbing you by your hand and slowly leading you around the man’s body protectively. 
His grip was tight all the way to the… restroom? 
“Joel.” You called out his name but he didn’t respond, simply leading you through the unisex bathroom door, shutting and locking the door behind the both of you when you got inside. You set the liquor on the bathroom counter before standing there anxiously, watching his back muscles tense under his shirt as he rested both palms of his hands on the door.
“Joel?” You call even quieter this time.
“Was he hittin’ on ya?” He murmured darkly. You gulped nervously but softly saying, “Yes.” He turned his head to look at you, his body never leaving the door. “And did ya like it?” Your eyes widened, “What?” You asked breathlessly but also in offense. “I said,'' He finally approaches you, his strong chest mere inches from your soft one. “Did ya like it?”
There was something in his voice that forced a shiver down your spine, his eyes burning into your soul, a fiery light shining within his beautiful brown eyes. His big hand wrapped around your neck, gently squeezing your airway as he walked you backwards, your lower eventually back graced the edge of the counter.
“No.” You heaved breathlessly. “I didn’t like it.” He hummed. Lowering his head, lips brushing up against yours, never quite joining them together. “‘Cause yer my girl, aren’t ya?” His right hand that was gripping your neck descended down your side, squeezing at the fat of your waist before resting under the hem of your dress. “Yeah- ‘m always been your girl.” You whimpered. He smirked, “That’s right. Ever since I met ya, ya’ve been mine. ‘Got my name written all over ya sweetheart.” He finally kissed you, his mouth devouring yours with such fervor that it stole your breath right from your lungs.
Your fingers busied themselves in his gray hair, pulling on the strands to deepen the kiss. He slipped a knee between your legs, the material of his dark blue jeans brushing against your damp sex that was only covered by your underwear. You moaned, exposing your neck to him, which he was quick to take advantage of, biting down so hard that it hurt; you knew what he was doing, he was making sure that a mark was going to be left behind, that when you left this bathroom the bruise would scream the words ‘she’s mine.’ The thought of him being almost territorial of you made you needier, digits leaving his hair to frantically try and unbutton his pants.
He stopped your frantic touches, his hands enveloped yours. He stared into your widened eyes, and your irises were blown out with lust. 
“Turn around sweet-pea.” He murmured. “Okay.” You did as he said. 
You watched him work behind you through the mirror, his upper body slightly jolting as he shoved his pants down to release just his cock and balls. Your nails scratched at the hardness of the counter, body tensing up like a cat when you felt him shove your dress up to sit on your wide hips. He pressed his body against yours, his hard cock rubbing against your ass. A shiver shot down your spine at the weight of him.
“Joel…” You mewled. “What do ya need, baby?” He kissed along the column of your throat all the way up to the shell of your ear, teasing you. Baiting you. “Fuck me, please. Show them that I’m yours Joel, make them see how good you fucked me.” He growled, his timbre voice prickling at your veins, plucking at them like the strings on his guitar.
He snatched your underwear down your thighs, pushing you forward by your lower back to make it easier to line himself up. He teased your wet slit with his tip, swiping it up and down before finally settling and pushing in. You had to slap a hand over your mouth to keep yourself quiet as his dick stretched you out, filling you with a pleasurable pain that made your knees weak.
“Fuck.” Joel groaned from behind you. He held you tightly, the plush of your hips spilling through his fingers, giving him a better grip. He hadn’t given you a moment to get used to him, simply pulling out before slamming back into you, sending your body jolting forwards.
His thrusts were brutal as he fucked in and out of you, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix with every punch of his hips. With his left hand still on your body, the other slithered up your body, pulling the front of your dress down so your braless breasts spilled out. It was the end of the world for god sakes, who had the time for bras anymore?
“Such pretty tits, sugar.” He said crudely, groping your right breast roughly. You cried out, throwing caution to the wind and allowing your hand to fall and grip the counter for stability.
“‘Feels so good, Joel. So fucking good.” You moaned. “Now, now honey. We can’t be havin’ other people hearin’ them beautiful sounds now, can we?” He cooed. You shook your head no, and that’s when he wrapped his right arm completely around your front, holding you back and covering your mouth with his left. You were left completely at his mercy, to use you how he pleased. 
That’s when something seemed to snap within him at the sight of your helplessness, pistoning into you with the renewed vigor of a mad man. You didn’t even bother to try and keep your noise down, the wet squelching resounding throughout the fairly sized restroom was enough to make your shame pretty much disappear.
“‘Gonna cum.” Your cry was muffled but he understood you nonetheless. I mean, how couldn’t he? He felt the way you clenched around him, your cunt sucking him in greedily like it couldn’t get enough of him. 
“Yeah? You gonna cum on my cock like a good girl?” He teased. You nodded fastly, pleas spilling out of your mouth and onto deaf ears. “That’s right. ‘Cause that stupid kid wouldn’t have even known how’ta make ya feel good. Bet he wouldn’t even know where to start. That’s okay, ‘cause ya’ve got me to take care of ya.” His dirty words drove you to your end.
“Fuck. Ya gonna let me cum in ya?” He asked, always the southern gentleman. You nodded again.
He worked the both of you to your ends, squeezing you until you finally came, stars shining behind your eyelids as they squeezed shut. Even as he worked you through your orgasm, he crashed into his own, painting your walls white. There was a moment of silence of you two catching your breaths, his arms falling from your body to resettle on your hips where he laid his forehead on your back.
“I’m totally wearing this dress again.” Was all you could say.
“Like hell you are.” He grumbled, pulling a bubbling laugh from your chest.
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jtl-fics · 2 years ago
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Fluent Freshman - Part 08
PREVIOUS
FF knows that it might be possible to get a new flight and that the excuse of “Oh I found a flight so I could go spend the holiday with my Gran” would probably be unassailable even tot he great unknown of Andrew Minyard’s displeasure (FF has not yet figured out when the pin will drop and Andrew will come at him. The man is a stone wall but FF knows that Andrew doesn’t like him and that knowledge is confirmed every time Andrew and Captain Neil come into Nicky’s dorm and find FF there hanging out with Nicky and he sees both Andrew and Captain Neil frown at him.)
It’s just that it takes 7-10 business days for him to build up the nerve to have to call someone and deal with customer service and it would take more bravery than he currently has to press forward and actually get a flight that would WORK. He has a very limited window for when he can get to Washington. HIs Gran had called a friend to borrow a car to pick him up and that was only available during a 6 hour window on his arrival date.
He COULD get a taxi to his Gran’s house but… (“What if I get kidnapped, what if I get trafficked, how do I tell a normal taxi from a taxi that will take me to a place where I’ll wake up in an ice bath and down a kidney, what if the taxi driver doesn’t like me, what if the taxi driver wants to talk, I don’t have anything interesting to say! What if he says mean things about me in his native language on the phone and I have to pretend that I don’t know what he’s SAYING?)… he’d probably die during the hour long ride from the anxiety.
He tells his Gran and she promises to get a pie out to him A.S.A.P.
It almost makes him feel better until he remembers what he had agreed to when Andrew came at him at his WEAKEST MOMENT to get him to agree to spend an entire four days at the house in Columbia he has HEARD stories about.
FF, laying face down on the floor in Nicky’s dorm as Nicky pats his back: Nicky next time you see me about to agree to something that will result in me getting killed I NEED you to run up and just punch me in the jaw. I’m begging you. You know I’m a disaster.
Nicky thinking about how Andrew has gotten weirdly protective of FF since the whole step brother incident: I need you to understand that that will result in ME being killed which I am not a big fan of.
FF misunderstanding: My grandma’s not THAT strong Nicky. At most grandmothers from across the country will frown disapprovingly at you.
Nicky thinking about all the little old ladies who dote on FF for inexplicable reasons and how some of them know he’s FF’s friend and give Nicky the grandma experience he had lacked growing up: Somehow that’s even worse than what I was thinking :(
***
Nicky coming to check on FF hours later: Are…are you watching the Saw movies?
FF taking copious notes: I need to prepare myself to survive Columbia. Do you have a basement or will Andrew be moving me to a secondary location?
Nicky walking over and shutting off the TV: I think it’s time to go to bed champ.
FF: If I don’t sleep then Andrew can’t drag me to a secondary location. I bought a 20 pack of five hour energy because that is the most the CVS would sell me.
Nicky: They cut you off??
FF: Yeah the manager there said he’d sell it as a ‘favor’ to a ‘loyal customer’ but to destroy my receipt and I had to buy in cash in case I die from a heart attack so it’s not linked to them. So if I play my cards right I have around 4 days of energy right here. I have looked up all the foods that can make you sleepy and will be avoiding them to stack the deck.
Nicky guiding FF towards his bedroom: Y’know that includes turkey. Also those five hour energy shots will be murder on your tummy. :(
FF: I am willing to make some sacrifices so I can live to see 19 Nicky. Also I figure I can just drink an entire bottle of Pepto per bottle of five hour energy resulting in a net neutral situation in my stomach.
Nicky tucking FF into bed carefully: Or result in you going to the hospital for an overdose get some sleep Smith. Andrew is not planning on killing you.
FF already falling asleep because his stress energy is running out: You have no idea how much he dislikes me and how much pepto my body can handle but you’re right about going to sleep. I’ll need my strength to power through the reverse bear trap let alone a laser collar.
***
2 of Grandma Smith’s apple pies arrive in the early afternoon of Thanksgiving via a little old lady turning up at Abby’s house who is a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of Grandma Smith. The Foxes take a moment to marvel that somehow it is still warm despite apparently having been Granny expressed across the country despite the storm.
The delivering old lady pinches FF’s cheek and says not to be too disheartened and that his Grandma loves him and will see him for Christmas Break for SURE. She hands him a little note his Gran sent with the pies and he pointedly does not read it there.
This would make FF happy if he hadn’t been swearing up down left and right that he didn’t TALK to his grandma to Andrew whose eyes he can FEEL on him.
He manages a “THANKS.” In a perfectly normal tone. He has no memory that he already told Andrew and Captain Neil that he was spending the holiday with his grandma since he had blue screened at the offer last time and had rebooted in safe mode to power walk away from the situation.
“Your grandma is really nice.” Captain Neil says. “Those pies look good.”
FF, his anxiety momentarily overridden by a soul-deep love for his grandma, “My gran is the BEST and so are her pies.” And then he hears what he has said and walks back into Abby’s house to set out one pie for everyone else and goes and stress eats the second one on the living room couch after he promised Abby he’d clean up any mess.
He wonders if he’ll make it to Christmas Break as he sees Kevin Day staring at him in abject horror while Andrew stares straight at him.
Even with the attention on him he decides to check the note the other granny had given him from his Gran. It is in her native polish so he feels his shoulders relax since no one would be able to read it.
‘For my little Chicken, this isn’t your last meal like you texted me. I know you will be fine. I am thankful for you in my life every day.’
He tucks the note in his pocket and feels a little better.
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NEXT
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lillytalons · 1 month ago
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Ok I just have to complain a bit about a prevailing theory of Agatha All Along. LISTEN. I get it. I get that people want Agatha to be a hero instead of a villain, they want her to be tragically misunderstood, only killing people that were trying to kill her first, or at least only killing people to get her son back, but they're wrong! Agatha is a villain and I love that she has a tragic backstory, but it doesn't make her a good person or justify the deaths.
Agatha was not trying to get her son back on the road, she said and showed multiple times that she wanted power. When she got off the road, she immediately tried to access her power and was confused and shocked when it didn't work. More than that, she may hate death, but she understands it, she knows that Death won't and can't give her son back. She doesn't even think it's possible for Billy to get Tommy back. Plus! She's too scared to face him, so she wouldn't call him back on purpose. In fact, she's so scared to face him that she'll do anything to avoid true death, which may be a reason for some of the following points, but not a heroic justification.
And this is my main gripe, people keep saying she was killing witches to distract Death from Nicky, but that doesn't make sense! Death doesn't get distracted, Agatha already mentioned how many people die in a short time, and Death was always aware of them (literally lovers) but she was choosing to give them more time they weren't supposed to have. Agatha knew she had no control or knowledge of when Death would come back and she says that very explicitly.
Agatha also wasn't killing witches for Nicky. She was already killing witches before, just to get more power. We can assume she met Death at some point in there, but she was already VERY well known for killing witches by the time Nicky was born. Then, she spent the next 6 years of his life using him to get close to other covens and trick them to giving up their power. She was probably also taking money and food from them because they were clearly living rough, but killing witches didn't benefit Nicky at all. She literally told him that she can't fix him and can't predict death. She never ever shows healing abilities. If killing witches daily was required to prolong his life then she would know to do that and also would have been more focused on killing the witches she let go. Plus, there are not enough witches or even people to kill a whole covens worth every day, especially taking into account travel and lower population density.
Everyone is all concerned about the 1 day they didn't kill witches (they only had time to show us like 4 days of Nicky's life and had to make sure they showed us what the general trends are) but to me it was super obvious that Nicky both felt bad for the witches and also just felt horrible. Did you see those eye bags? Hear that cough? Nicky probably felt worse that day than he ever did (he was about to die) and didn't want to spend his energy killing nice witches, rather he wanted to spend it with his mom. So him finally succumbing to whatever he had makes sense.
Her whole statement about survival and being selfish is literally just about being selfish. EVERY SINGLE TIME she brings it out it's to tell other characters to be selfish, kill others, survival of the fittest crap. The only time it seems justified is when her original coven tried to kill her, but she was clearly already delving into dark arts before that (her mom does suck and probably set her on her path, I'm not denying that) but every coven that approaches her for the road are people she doesn't have to kill. We've seen she can power up without completely draining someone. We also saw so many witches that were willing to help her and Nicky, and she probably could have said, 'oh yeah, so misunderstood, so many rumors, we're not like that at all' and if she hadn't attacked them they would have believed her and she could have stayed with them (also maybe a potions witch would have been useful for helping Nicky. Witches know all about smear campaigns. She turns on everyone who tries to rely on her, which means that people don't want to rely on her, and they're right! She betrayed Billy several times he's just really good at guilt and also reminds her of her son.
Do I think Agatha could be redeemed? Maybe, but she still clearly doesn't want to be. And I think the road got her closer and to be better than she had been in a very very long time, but trying to pretend she was always misunderstood is silly. She does let people believe worse of her than she deserves sometimes. But in general, she's known for killing witches because she kills witches.
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