#but i restarted the laptop and it works now so idk what that was all about

[todayisafridaynight]

highkey i had to cancel stream because. everything that could go wrong decided to go wrong but now there's like this loud ass Fuck You storm RIGHT next to the window im sitting at so MAYBE it's a sign from the gods above this was a bad idea from the start

[minimoll7]

Love it when I have to restart my computer because steam won’t open and now my high quality headphones start sounding like cheap earbuds and nothing I do fixes the problem

[dnptheinfinity]

did i procrastinate the tit sims render until now? yes. BUT i did finally find the phlonde hair for phil, i'm finally free

[jcollinswrites]

Hi, i'm the same anon as before! SO i tried playing on my laptop since i was playing on my phone before and it actually worked. I went back to play on my phone and got the error message as soon as i accessed the demo, so i decided to restart the whole thing and it actually worked. I was able to go beyong the hair choice!! Idk what the bug was about exactly but i guess the solution is to restart, at least for now.

Now that i got to play the whole thing, i have to say i'm so so so in love with it!!! i've always been really into ancient egypt, since i was young so i was very happy when i discovered your IF. I usually only have one MC per IF but i already made 2 (thief and priestess) because i was curious about the paths and i might make more. There is so much branching and so many different routes you can take which makes the whole thing very enjoyable and replayable.

I'm already so in love with Narmer, which i somehow didn't expect lol That last scene with them and the cute head kiss!!!! Romancing them with my thief MC is so fun. I also really love Qenna and all the mystery surrounding them. That argument scene with Zaia made me feel so bad for them. And i feel like romancing them with a priestess MC makes things all the more intriguing, since she feels *smth* isn't right with them!

Anyway, if it wasn't already obvious, i'm just really in love with Weeping Gods. It's already one of my fav WIPs lol Lots of love and luck to you💖

Post

😍 Thank you so much for the super nice message! I've also been very interested in ancient history (especially Egypt, who would've guessed huh?) since I was a child, so it's always fun to hear from someone who had the same experience! Especially since in my own circles, I was always kinda the only one and I never really met anyone else who was into ancient history until I published this game 😅 (which was very recently in August so... yeah...)

I'm glad you're trying different paths and enjoying them! It's always super useful to hear what people read and what they like the most 👀

Also, thanks for checking back about the errors! I forwarded that part of your message to the cogdemos admin yesterday, so now we're just waiting for more people to report back. (Also also, thanks for not giving up on the game right away despite it 😭)

[pixlh3art]

i'm recovering from surgery and therefore off my adhd meds so fuck it

Here's 4 Things That I, a Former Computer Technician, Wish Everybody Knew About Technology

I'm not a major expert or anything, but I'm certified for repairs for two of the biggest laptop manufacturers out there, have done not only several in-warranty repairs for those companies, but have also done a few at-home "sure babe I'll replace your laptop battery" repairs for friends/partners. I am also my whole extended family's designated tech support person for all things software. Here we go!

1. When you spill liquid on a device, turn it off, LEAVE it off, and bring it to a technician. Liquid damage to devices does not occur at the moment of the spill, but when electricity goes through wet/corroded transistors. It is NOT a good thing if the device "suddenly works later."

2. Every device that you have that can be used and also move at the same time (laptop, tablet, phone, etc.) has what's called an "SSD," or "solid-state-drive" for its storage. "Storage" is what you actually keep saved on the device, which is different from "memory" (a computer's ability to multitask). SSDs are great, but there's one thing to keep in mind: they really really REALLY don't like being filled to the brim. When they get too full, they essentially lose the ability to actually make any more space, even when you delete something, and that causes all kinds of software issues. Most good SSDs are programmed to prevent this, but you can still manage to screw them up if you try hard enough. Treat every SSD like it's maybe 5GB smaller than it says it is.

3. Turn your devices off every once in a while. Like, idk, maybe once a week. It's good for them. And no, restarting doesn't count, I mean turn them fully, fully off. If you're unsure as to the difference, let me put it this way: imagine you always got 8 hours of sleep, but only 2 hours at a time. Yeah - that's what only ever restarting is like. Turn your phone and your tablet and your computer fully off every now and again. It doesn't have to be for long or anything, just has to be a full shutdown.

4. If you lose the charger for your laptop, do some google research and find out the exact specifications of the charger your computer has - specifically, the wattage. I highly recommend going to the original manufacturer to buy your replacement. I know that a lot of laptop chargers can be hella expensive, but trust me, buying a cheap Amazon charger will become a MUCH more expensive problem later. If you can't get the original charger from the manufacturer, or if you can but it'll ship way too late, at least try to compare the price that they sell it for to what you purchase elsewhere - if it's anything more than like 10$ cheaper than what the manufacturer is charging, then it's suspicious.

TL;DR: if you spill liquid on something turn it off and bring it to a technician no matter what, treat every device's storage like it's maybe 5GB smaller than it says it is, turn your phone off every once in a while, and if you lose your laptop charger buy the replacement directly from the manufacturer.

People who repair devices for a living will thank you.

Oh! And back up your data. Please. I literally don't care how, just do it. Seriously.

[spoks-illogical-art]

Choose a few ocs and tell me how'd they react to their PC bluescreening mid-work and after updating the wallpaper is different.

Ttly didn't happen to me

what the something slightly similar happened to me too recently? lmaoo

bonus hcs for what would be their wallpapers normally

Vincent - work computer - solid color default wallpaper - if it changed he would not have much of a reaction lmao he would just silently change it back sorry majestic dolphins jumping out of water with god rays all around em its solid blue color city; home computer - a picture of him, Mattie, Lai, Drew and Chester - he knows where all his files are so he would just find it again and change it back no problem

Mattie - work computer - one of the default ones with a sunset or something, she would get slightly annoyed if it changed but maybe another default one would also be nice she can get used to em; home computer - a screenshot from The Y-Files, she would get annoyed fr cuz she would have no idea where did she get that wallpaper from but then she would just find it in a folder where it shouldn't be lol

Laionel - now I realized that I should actually curse him with the existence of the family computer concept but I won't do it I'm not that evil lol, he would have several wallpapers with his favorite animals like foxes and penguins and dinosaurs, If they changed he would have a small problem to find them all again and would get a little bit sad but he's smart he can figure it out ^^

Drew - probably some joke wallpaper maybe a meme collage I can't think of an exact example rn, he would curse the dreaded machine and scramble to find it back, probably accept defeat as he wouldn't be able to find it again, and choose another one he wanted to use anyway

Chester - a picture of a meadow behind his house at sunrise that he took, if it changed he would get really sad, would leave it as the new one for a week before trying to change it back, the picture would probably be in the first folder he would check

Tim and Ryland - both would have the same picture of them together, if it changed for any of them the other could just send it again or be like hey we should take a new one anyway haha

Howard (if he had a computer) - a crude drawing in ms paint of him shooting a laser at Beta8 that's exploding, if it changed he would just snap his fingers and bring it back into existence or actually make a new even more crude one with Tim on fire or sth

Nekor(he's actually at Chester's computer who doesn't know that he has two wallpapers) - a bad quality png of a kefir bottle. that's it. If it changed he would panic and wait for Chess to bring back his one, and then set the kefir one back again.

bonus 2 part of one of my wallpapers i made pierro genshin impact hold weed and theres tiny rhys blands on scaras head

ok but fr my laptop has trouble with connecting to wifi sometimes because avast is being stupid and i have to restart it to let avast update then and I had to do it recently and when it was booting up again instead of the default cave one on the screensaver there was a rhino??? and it was only then its back to the cave again now idk what was up with that lol

thank u sztefa u are my savior ^^

[somecunttookmyurl]

why do i always get the eldrich technical glitches why cant something normal go wrong with a device for once

-Updated to firefox 109 idk a few weeks ago -All sites started loading super slowly right after. Refresh FFdidnt work. Reset FF didnt work. Troubleshoot/safe mode had the same issue. Full uninstall/reinstall didn't work. Pages taking in excess of 1 min to load, when Edge loads just fine - Finally have Had It and tried to run firefox profiler to get a full log to try and find out what's going on. -Profiler crashes firefox after recording is ended so no data is gathered which is awesome love that for me -On restarting firefox all extensions and theme were missing from toolbar and the about:addons page like they'd all been uninstalled -Go to reinstall them. Prior extensions are apparently already installed??? -Remove addons, page now has option to install. reinstall them.... i guess... -Still not showing in about:addons or in the toolbar, and sure as shit aren't doing anythinng. but once again back to only having the option to remove. Schrodinger's addons. -Install firefox nightly instead to test version 111 -Same problem????

-?????????????? -Attempt to reinstall theme. Same problem: apparently already installed, very much not present -Signed out to see if it was some funky problem with my account post-crash. Nope. Can't use extensions when I'm not signed in, either. -New test profile also has issues -what the fuck like what the actual fuck -mozilla support guys also ???????? girl WHAT -windows decides to do a minor update unrelated to the internet and restarts my laptop -problem solved????? for some reason?????

-slow connection also fixed by this restart despite none of the many previous restarts in the last few weeks making any difference. sure???? i guess?????

[excadrill]

tagged by @yj-98 ilyyy 🫶🫶🤍

RULES: Reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

tag as many people as their are wips.. eep.. sorry i'd put this under a cut but it's not working on mobile 😭

ankhgiveaway.sai [i held an art giveaway in february and havent finished the prizes even tho i keep looking at them and going 'i need to and Want to finish this..']

yuukigiveaway.sai [same as above but the person who requested this one deactivated so i. don't know if i'm still gonna finish it]

sonomomo.sai [my current priority 'For Me' wip.. ive shared this wip w some people but ive never done a proper piece for the 'cycle of life and death' thing for them so that's what this one is..💙❤️]

exozinewip5.sai [pokemon zine oc piece, not supposed to share zine wips so idk if i should say more but it's of my beloved gymsona.. this zine will be free + digital and i'll ofc be promoting it more when it's done but it's soooo cute keep your eyes out for this one :3c '5' not bc im contributing multiple pieces but bc this piece is big and slightly intimidating for me so i keep saving different versions when i do major merges]

pocketzine-nymble.sai [another pokemon zine piece, so i can't really say more But it's not the only thing im contributing to this zine, ive just finished all my other stuff already]

oczine-thumbs.sai [thumbs for an oc zine i signed up for that i'll probably drop out of bc im not feeling like a vibe w everyone else there >w>;;; ]

philip.sai [philip piece ive had sitting around basically since i finished W.. about a year ago now i think ? but i transferred it to my '23 wips folder bc i still wanna finish it..it was supposed to be a 'this one will be quick and easy so i'll have smthn i Finished this month outside of zine stuff' but. zine stuff took up all my time and energy oops]

mrtourism.sai [this one's a silly post-canon kirihiko art i've Also had sitting around for like a year. i chip away at this one sometimes but then keep restarting bc im unsatisfied with the lines i wish i could just sit down and finish it bc i Love Him]

platform.sai [ummm silly ryotaro thing i drew after watching the den-o final stage ^__^ not a high priority one but it's cute so like. maybe one day]

punkjackhelmet.sai [file name was bc i was originally doing helmet studies before it turned into a full sketch. punkjack with the beat buckle bc i was doing this right after his special came out 🎃🫶]

colourwheel.sai [ummm well. yeah im not good at finishing art memes when theyre still on trend. i did all the sketches for these but i probably won't finish at this point..]

poppyangel.sai [poppy ex-aid i sketched as a break between big stuff the other day that i like a lot so. maybe will finish but might just post unfinished if i cant find the energy to get to this one sooner. feel bad that i like ex-aid so much but don't have any clean art done for it..]

millirider.sai [toku oc planning :3 i was saying last night i finally figured the helmet out which ive been struggling with for ages so hopefullyyyy i get around to doing a proper ref sheet]

im not at my laptop rn so im doing this off the top of my head but i THINK that's everything.. tagging umm @ankhisms @heartvisor @madaraki @circeancity @horrorcomedies @yu3s @pleuvoire @kosukeiichi @danothan @seashrine @asticassia @eclipse-song @kirider only if you guys wanna 🤍🤍

[pixie-mask]

ramble time? ramble, ramble time....

So between being incompetent, not being able to balance activities and work hours. I desperately need to finish my exchange fic (because that should have been done. I have only one decent excuse for not being done on time, but that doesn’t excuse anything. Then there was a major fic I wanted to do but now all plans have changed for that. And then then then, that’s not to mention the numerous other fics that I paused and that I desperately want to get back too.

So in that regard and to other things I think I’m going to try to be nice to myself and reduce the goals I wanted to complete by the end of the year. I need to double check what goals I have and prioritize some. Getting even a few done; I would still be upset about not clearing them all, but to get even some (lets say 5) would be nice. Part of it is watching things, but that’s me trying to watch in general. Anyway anyway there’s preparation to prep, a smidge of art to do, and omg do I need to finish Crooked Kingdom

Lately I’ve been hit with an aggressive urge to draw. Especially some of my world building best ideas. In addition my brain is still coming up with ideas but I feel like there are two story ideas I can finally settle down on. Just need to do a plan and research. Honestly though lets say I get something printed and out in farther public. My faith struggle + fan fiction + horrible faults and sins + the nature of people dragging things up... I don’t want to go further but I’m now what I would love to say is well.

Need to play and finish so many games. Already got x2-3 for next year that I want to play. I want to finish Yakuza 4, but I’m just going to finish it. I’m struggling with time for them between work and my mom usually being on the tv and my tendency to work off my laptop. In the case of Yakuza 4 I’m just not interested. I’m not having that much fun with the side stories, I’m not a fan of the story (maybe cause I already knew it going in? IDK) and I’m not enjoying the combat.  And in another note I now have a lot of games to restart like Lost Judgment as given part of the last time I played I was very unattached to the story cause a lot of everything else happening.

I need to do better with my Japanese and weight

okay rambled out, tired

[randomwords247]

For some reason reblogs turned off for this and idk why or how

Anyway

So I use a laptop at the moment (hoping to upgrade to a pc at some point this year after I get a job), and said pc is really freaking loud with it's fan. This is important for later

I was working on a commission and at around like 3 am I decided that it was now past my working hours and I was tired and wanted to sleep. Turned my laptop onto sleep so I could resume in the morning while keeping my history so I could ctrl z in the morning should I realise after sleeping that something was amiss, and got ready for bed

Climbed into my bed, which is a top bunk (my desk is below). It's real annoying to get out of bed for anything so I try not to

I was lying in bed for a few minutes dmming my friend on my phone. When suddenly. I hear. The sound. Of my loud ass laptop turning on.

Now, I can't sleep with white noise. In the UK where we don't have ac or fans I don't have anything that would've gotten me used to sleeping to the noise those make. I can't sleep when my laptop is on cuz it's noisy as Frick (it also would make my room warmer cuz of the heat expulsion). It was around 3:35 at this point

So I was for a minute or two in hopes it turns back off, to no avail. I sigh. What caused it? Did I leave my mouse turned on? I bet I did

Nope. No I didn't. Nothing was plugged in that could've caused this. Wanna know why it turned on?

It turned on. To tell me. It was gonna update in 10 minutes.

Why the FRICK did it turn itself on to do that???? Why did it choose such a random ass and soon time??? I was on it all night why not say it'd update then???? It literally. Updated the DAY BEFORE and turned on to update then!!!

And wanna know the worst part?

I clicked another time and was about to put it on hibernate. It was like 3:40. AND IT STARTED RESTARTING TO UPDATE

I CLICKED ANOTHER TIME WHY THE FRICK ARE YOU UPDATING NOW AND TURNING OFF NOW YOU BISCUIT

I HATE WINDOWS SO MUCH I literally was so tired and mad I didn't wanna wait so I didn't and just switched it off at the button, I wanted to go to bed I wasn't waiting after all that crap

Genuinely I freaking hate windows updates, I hate windows, I hate the fact I can't say no, I hate the fact I can't at the VERY LEAST say I'll CHOOSE a time, I hate how last minute it was to saying it'd restart, I hate how it turned itself off sleep to say that, I JUST HATE WINDOWS

Someone remind me in the morning to rant about windows because it has irritated the Frick out of me tonight and disturbed my sleep the last two nights

[happyendingsong]

my laptop restarted itself when i left the room so my assignment work deleted itself and now my tablet won’t turn on

[kimmkitsuragi]

very tempted to give up and go to bed <3

[still-a-morosexual-help]

not ob related but in March my phone just ?? stopped working?? well it didn't stop, like everything still worked, alarms went off, the screen could still be used but the screen was just black. I tried everything online to try to fix it and nothing worked. I didn't really have money to fix it at the time and I had an old phone that was slow but worked okay so I just used that and every now and then tried to get my main phone working again. I had given up on it so three days ago I tried to do a factory restart without being able to see anything just so my info wasn't still on it (did not work) but bc I charged it again the alarms kept going off. I turned them off every day and everything was the same but then this morning the screen?? was just working again??? after like 7/8 months it just randomly came back on?? and everything is working fine??? like idk how it happened and I'm using it now bc it's so much better but I'm so worried it's just gonna stop working again lmao

sorry for ranting I'm just so confused on why it suddenly started working fine again, I can finally catch up on everything without it taking forever to load (including your writing so if yoy recommend anything of yours to start with I would really appreciate it hehe)

Oh! Oh! This exact same thing happened to my last two phones & my brother's. The screen went black even though I still kept getting notifications. And yeah after I left it alone for a few months it worked for another couple weeks before going out.

Took it to fix multiple times but honestly there's nothing you can do to permanently fix it - it'll work for like 3 days max before going out again.

The best thing you can do rn is backup everything you need to and move anything you need for work/studies/leasure on to a laptop or computer, which is what I did.

Apparently the most common cause is if you don't have a case and hit the corner of the phone on something - even if it's a relatively light knock - which is what happened with my brother's and one of mine

It's honestly really frustrating when it happens and good luck! Hopefully yours manages better than mine did. And you're always welcome to come rant even if it's not om! related!

I actually just posted a fic yesterday😂 though it's a bit different from my normal om! fics because it has violence, gore and cannibalism........but it's still lowkey a fluff piece so? And I'm actually really proud of it cause I haven't been able to write a "darker" fic since I left the batman fandom - I was practically giddy with it, giggling and kicking my feet

Under the Gentle Rains - For the first time, his human sees what he truly is. A creature of the night, of bared fangs dripping with the blood of the slain, of endless death and cosmic evil. A creature finally brought to the light to face their judgment. A creature that wishes to wail and weep at the realistic thought of finally losing them.

Or a fic that fills in the blanks of what happened between Lesson 16 and 18, from Belphie's point of view, with character & relationship development between Belphie & Mammon + Belphie & MC? Angst with a happy ending.

Changing Seasons - After all the dust has settled Belphie is determined to spend more time with Lilith's descendent, unfortunately for him Mammon has taken to acting like a particularly lovestruck leech. 5 times Mammon gets in Belphie's way & the one time he doesn't.

Or crack fic focused mainly on Mammon & Lucifer

Tap on Wood (for fuck's sake) - Lucifer (the absolutely perfect, always a hundred percent in the right oldest) has three different conversations while (definitely not) stone cold sober with the bane of his existence (the light of his life (the bane of his existence (the light of his - Mammon's just trying his best.

Chapter 2 of my reversed au wip in a slightly more demonic au with demon-mc & struggling human-mammon

Friends in High Places - In a world where demons are marginally more demonic, a human ignores all the various red flags and makes a strange new (lifelong) Friend

As expected, all of them are unnamed gn! mc × mammon because I gotta have some sorta theme🤷 hopefully one of them is to your liking! Lemme know what you think?🥺

[sl33py-g4m3r]

reblog to mainly think I guess, and also figure out which one I'd like to try this with this time...

Tho with all of the different flavors of linux, I don't remember which desktop environment I like most. XFCE is lightweight and kind of old fashioned, cinnamon is a memory hog, kde is also one but kind of snazzy, I don't like ubuntu's at all... was it unity?

actually I'd been trying to stay away from ubuntu given what they've been doing. sticking me with debian. either linux mint debian, or just straight debian.

I love linux and technology to death and hate that I'm still a newbie at running linux/bsd/unix operating systems years after I got fascinated with it. makes me kinda sad.

but no time to learn like the present, huh?

these are the disks for the distros I've found off hand:

Debian 11.6.0 (mate, lxqt, lxde, cinnamon, and the standard install)

Linux mint 21 and it's variations (that I'm ignoring because Ubuntu)

Linux mint debian editions 5-6

a windows 10 install disk just in case

had a flash drive of linux mint debian I think; but idk where it went, I took it over to my siblings to install it on a laptop they had and it got lost in the mess.... it booted so fast too T_T;;

these are all the current distros I have currently as I haven't been paying attention to what the linux mint/debian teams were up to.

idk how tf I was able to run fedora on a computer back in the day, but in hindsight it was kind of cool~~!! and I liked fedora's desktop environment~~ it was probably also a memory hog but the different desktops and stuff was so snazzy~~ I forgot what the name for the environment was tho. GNOME?

reminds me of the time I tried to drop my sibling into the deep and and installed OpenSUSE on their system before reinstalling windows again, lol.

just moreso thinking to myself this time instead of a full blown rant about it. I guess I'll poke around with getting it to work at some point.

I never even thought about it not installing the boot partition not where it should be. I thought the installer for whatever I was installng was smart enough to put it in the proper place. I seriously just thought that windows had it's hooks so deep into the system that it was preventing linux from booting somehow. the thought never crossed my mind.

Guess don't feel stupid cause I'm learning~~ don't feel stupid for learning new things, even if it makes you feel stupid for a bit, it's a new piece of information that we didn't know about until then.

don't feel stupid for learning~~

just screw around and find out~~! and if I do lose any data, just copy it back over from my external hard drive.

edit: I think maybe I found it~~!! Hopefully found the issue but then how to fix. I poked around in the BIOS a bit and found that I can make a new boot path; perhaps I'll need to do that instead of it just pointing to a windows partition that no longer exists.

now how to do that? idk where the linux boot thing is unless i can find the path while messing around in the bios after I install a distro.

hopefully now I"m one step closer to running linux on my beefier computer~~!! Didn't think to check the boot paths in the BIOS of all things cause I didn't know it was a thing.

will update or reblog this post if something happens~~ assuming people actually care. maybe I'm just writing this for myself but who knows.

now what distribution do I want to use? is the main question. look for a comparison of all the desktop environments on youtube? or pop in the disks and waste time booting them all and poking around?

stupid thing about the BIOS is, I changed the boot priority of the linux live cd thing and the windows boot loader itself, and I guess because no disk is in the drive, the linux live cd thing isn't the same thing as the cd drive itself... and it's still under the windows boot loader even after I saved the settings. ??

so this would mean:

choose a distro to use

install distro

restart machine not being surprised that it won't boot

hit key to enter bios

go to settings and change the boot path to whatever boot path linux uses

troubleshoot until the machine boots

congrats, you're now using linux on a computer you thought it wouldn't work on

windows/linux rant

unrelated to SMT or anything on my blog currently I guess...

I keep seeing the "prep for windows 11" thing show up on my computer, and it upsets me every time that you have to have a microsoft account to install it.

windows 10 reaches end of support next year~~

I hope by then the computer I"m using will actually let me run linux on it instead of an outdated windows os....

I want to run linux on this machine so bad but whenever I try to install it, it seems to install fine and dandy

and then it won't boot

I've snooped around in the BIOS, disabled the "smart startup" or "secure startup" or whatever else I thought was borking the boot for linux.

but it still won't boot~~~

and sadly i've got games on here that only work on windows anyway.

I'd much rather be able to stay relatively safe online and maintain an OS, than play the games I bought on steam....

something is preventing linux from booting on this machine, it upsets me when I think about it, and it upsets me more when I try to install linux and it goes fine, but then doesn't boot

cause I have to take the time to reinstall windows again.....

why computer? why won't you let linux boot? what do I need to do to you to have linux actually boot? I don't understand...

*confused screaming*

running an ASUS ROG Stryx gaming pc that I bought on impulse years ago. so you'd think linux mint would boot just fine, right??

how do I fix it? if I can fix it? especially if I don't destroy the data on the second hard drive of this thing. I've got stuff I don't want to lose on here, preferably....

[corpsedaydream]

crash

so, here i am with a new one shot.

so before anyone asks if i’m gonna be posting frequently again or anything, i process things by writing about them. if something is running through my mind over and over and i can’t think through it on my own in my mind, writing about it generally helps me. this past weekend was supposed to be a fun long weekend away w my friends but it quickly ended when i experienced something pretty traumatic. i haven’t been able to sleep at all the past couple nights and so i started working on this. originally it was just going to be something private to help myself w the panic i was feeling then i started adding a muse into it and then i realised i was still writing about corpse without even meaning to, so i guess he’s still got me feeling musey.

anyway, i thought about keeping this private bc i’m still rly shaken up about what happened but idk feels like a shame to just let it sit on my computer.

idk if i’m back to this blog yet, i still feel indifferent about it. i’m signed out on my phone and was signed out on my laptop until just now and haven’t opened my inbox.

anyway. here’s the one shot.

word count: 1666 words (i’m not kidding)

trigger warning: car crash, panic attack

__________________________________________________

crash

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up wake up wake up.

The words repeated over and over in your head. You’d had dreams about crashing your car before, but usually you woke up just before the point of impact. This time you didn’t.

This couldn’t of happened, this can’t be real, this is a a dream, I’ve got to wake up.

But you were already very much awake, this was very much real.

The colour had already drained from your face, tears were welling up in your eyes and your heart had already sunk. Your hands were trembling, your chest was completely still, you weren’t breathing in that moment. Your body had reacted before your mind had completely caught up.

“Fuck.” Was all you managed to say as realisation had hit you. You’d gotten into a car crash.

You looked around you, wondering how the others cars on the road were still moving when it felt like your world had just come to a stop when your car had its collision. You heard your dad’s voice in your head, all the things he’d told you when he taught you how to drive, had - god forbid - you ever ended up in a situation like this.

You went through the motions as well as you could. You were in a state of shock and physically, you were definitely there, but mentally, you really weren’t present. You were having an out of body feeling in the most terrifying way, it was a defence from the panic that had overwhelmed you.

-

Corpse felt a surge of anxiety. He had no idea why, either. All he was doing was looking through fan art on twitter, he hadn’t seen anything that usually would make him feel like that. It just throttled its way into himself seemingly out of no where.

It was especially odd seeing that today had been such a good day. Waking up beside was usually something that put him in a good head space.

So he started to call you, you always made him feel better. But then he remembered you were driving and you were a cautious driver, you never answered your phone when you were behind the wheel. You’d told him in the past how tenacious your dad had been as a driving teacher and it had really stuck with you.

Just as he was about to hang up, knowing you weren’t going to answer, you did.

“Hello?” Something was off. Corpse heard it right away in just that one greeting from you.

“Are you okay?” He didn’t even greet you back, he already had anxiety running through him and the unsettling tone of your answer of the phone had only made it increase.

“I think so.” You were so monotoned. Corpse had never heard you speak this way. You were a lot of things, but monotone was not one. You were expressive, bright and dramatic.

“You think so?” He repeated in a questioning way, wanting to know what was wrong.

“Yeah.” You responded so plainly again. Corpse almost wanted to ask you who was he speaking to right now, because surely this couldn’t have been you. This person had your voice, but this was a person he did not know right now.

“What’s going on?”

“I crashed my car.” You said it to him so simply. There was no emotion behind it. His heart thundered as if a terrible hail storm had just broken out. 

“What?!” 

“I crashed my car.” You repeated. Once again so eerily unemotional.

“Where are you?!”

-

Corpse shouldn’t have been driving in the state he was in, but he needed to get to you. His emotions were running so high and he couldn’t comprehend why yours weren’t.

After what felt like the longest drive of his life, he reached the crash site. His panic peaked when he spotted the ambulance, immediately thinking the worst. But then he saw you standing to the side of it. You were up and talking to the paramedics, that was at least a good sign you weren’t seriously injured.

“(Y/N),” He called for you as he got out of his own car. And just like your voice on the phone, your movements were so robotic.

You were normally so open with your emotions, you were such a readable and honest person. When you were happy, you shined, when you were mad, you yelled red, when you were sad, you cried oceans. But Corpse had never seen you in a true state of shock. He’d never seen your fight or flight response. And apparently it was a stillness and unresponsive, the complete opposite to how you were normally.

“Are you okay?” He knew you probably weren’t, but he couldn’t find any clue to how you were feeling. Until his footsteps brought him closer to you.

You didn’t respond to him at all. Even words felt like too much right now. As he neared you, though, he spotted the signs of fear your body displayed that your words did not. Your hands and arms were trembling, your shoulders were slumped, your face was completely pale, sweat dotted all over your forehead despite it not being a hot day, tears were slowly spilling from your eyes one by one, your chest was moving unevenly as you struggled to breathe properly.

“Baby, c’mere.” Corpse didn’t hesitate to gather you in his arms. Holding you so tenderly against him. That’s when he felt that it was more than just your arms and hands that were trembling, your entire body had a slight shake to it. He knew you were experiencing true terror in that moment.

-

The time between your banged up car getting placed onto a tow truck and arriving back at your apartment felt like a blur.

You’d just gotten off the phone with your insurance provider when you’d heard Corpse.

“Are you in any pain?”

"What?” You’d heard him perfectly but you hadn’t once thought about how this had affected you physically.

“Are you in any pain?” He repeated himself.

“I’m not sure.” And you weren’t, but the paramedics had said that adrenaline would be coursing through you right now and adrenaline was the biggest distraction from pain. “I’m gonna go have a shower.”

“Okay.” Corpse watched you with concerned eyes until you disappeared behind your bathroom door. He so badly wanted to help, wanted to make you feel better, break you out of this state you were in that he was so not used to.

-

You didn’t know how much time you’d spent in the shower. But it was long enough that the sky had grown darker and the moon had replaced the sun by the time you emerged. Once you’d gotten dressed, you made slow steps towards your bedroom. Your hands were trembling more violently than before and your breathing was speeding up.

The shock was finally wearing off and reality was getting ready to slap you hard across the face.

“Corpse...” Your voice was so silent, almost as if you couldn’t form a word due to the air that seemed harder and harder to breathe as a panic attack started to take control of you.

Corpse might not have even heard you had he not been on such high alert for you right now. But he was, and so he did he hear you and when he saw the state you were in, he instantly got up from his spot on your bed where he was waiting for you and was wrapping you up tight.

You were hyperventilating so dangerously, your heart felt like it was being encased in treacherous clouds that tightened with every intake of air you struggled to get.

You couldn’t remember the last time you had cried this way. You were breaking down.

Corpse was completely holding you up. Had it not been for him, you would be a crumbled heap on the floor.

-

The both of you didn’t sleep that night.

Every time you were close to drifting off, the crash would replay in your mind on an insufferable loop and you would jolt awake and the panic would restart all over.

And every time, Corpse was right there to hold you through it. He didn’t sleep due to how concerned he was about you.

-

The next day was a little easier mentally, but a lot harder physically. You’d gotten so much emotion out the night before that now the pain could have your attention.

Everything from your hips up felt sore, stiff and tense. Every time you moved your neck was scary because it felt like it was about to snap. But worst of all was your chest. It was hard and painful to breathe. The paramedics had warned you about this. The impact to your chest was going to take the longest to recover from. You kept your breathing shallow, any other kind of breathing made you wince and Corpse noticed.

“You’re hurting.” It wasn’t a question, he was stating what he noticed. He’d known the signs of someone in pain. Plus he had also taken note of the bruises that had appeared on your skin, the colouring of them looking like a painting of a galaxy, all purple and blue. 

“A little bit.”

“Mhm.” He knew it was more than a little bit, but he wasn’t about to argue with you. He looked over you laying beside him, grateful that you were still here, you were alive. A car could be replaced, but you could not.

You were flat on your back because that was really only the current position that felt even the tiniest bit comfortable right now. Corpse was on his side, one of his hands supporting his head as he leaned over you. His other hand began to soothingly run his fingers through your hair and you let your eyes flutter close at the touch.

“Tired?”

“Yeah.” You mumbled back, keeping your eyes shut and feeling exhaustion take over you.

“Try sleeping, baby. I’ll be right here.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #459

“i wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh  /  i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away”

Does the person you like have any flaws? He's never seemed very expressive of what he feels. Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Yes. Because it was our anniversary and he wanted to, ig. If you ruled your own country, what type of government would it have? I'm not educated enough to answer this. Creation theory, Evolution or the Big Bang theory? I really don't know what I believe about the origins of the universe, but I do believe in evolution. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. The last time I saw Jason and we talked for a long time, and I finally got my closure. It was all so heavy. It started so stiffly, but it ended with us just chatting and smiling and, to my absolute shock, a hug from him. I'm getting emotional so NEXT QUESTION. What was your last serious conversation about? I was reassuring and comforting Sara about some stuff. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago. A bumblebee. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I am old enough, and no. The odds are way, way too small, and I don't really dabble in addictive behavior. Have you ever been into a real cave? No. :( That's a life goal, though. Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid. It was regarding Meerkat Manor and I thought it was really disrespectful to Flower just because of the music chosen lmao. The drama. What color is your digital camera, if you have one? Black. If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Alice in Wonderland, I suppose? Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Oh man, I've played waaaaay too many video games. I suppose Silent Hill with how confused it left me at first. Its concept is definitely wild. Parasite Eve is high on the list, too. In your opinion, what is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Boy in the Striped Pajamas destroys me. What is the best song to make out to? I could answer this but I'm not gonna lmfao Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? story of my life ayyyyeeeee Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Not a clue. Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom. I sobbed on-and-off for days. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? No, in either way. Do you know anyone who owns a boat? My dad does. I'm sure others, too, with how popular fishing out on a boat is here. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I don't know. Even for medicinal purposes, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. What did you do for your 21st birthday? I was in the psych hospital, so... lmao. Therapy, reading, and coloring. Lots of reading and coloring. Because they did NOT fill your schedule enough there. We only had two group therapy sessions a day, and the rest was just... blankness. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? I know I'd be one of the dumb ones that absolutely wanted a tiny raptor, lol. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Not interested. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I don't like soup. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? My first real series that I read religiously was Hank the Cowdog. Then it was Warriors. Do you buy Halloween candy when it’s on sale after the holiday? No. I really don't need candy available to me. Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? It depends on what they're doing. In a lot of cases, no. Do you ever watch talk shows? No. Do you have a/any hero(s)? Mark Fischbach, Steve Irwin, my mom... Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Though Mom has playfully once told me that she knows a lot of things I don't think she does, and that's terrifying lmao. You’re getting married. Who’s your maid of honor and best man? M.o.H.: Mom or Sara. Best man isn't my choice. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? DYE IT ALLLLLLL. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? My friendship ring w/ Sara. It has a heart carved on the outside and "bitch" engraved inside so no one can see when you have it on, lol. She has one that says "jerk." It's a Supernatural reference. Who challenges you the most? In what way? My therapist and psychiatrist. They just help ensure I pursue my goals and give me little nudges forward to reassure me. Who seems to hold you back? In what way? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT ME. I listen to my anxiety WAY too much. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? Going up to Lake Gaston w/ Mom to visit Ash and her fam. They go there all the time, and it's a real nice place. I just didn't want to go because of the heat. Should there be an application process for having children? Hunny, that would not stop people from fuckin lmfao Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? m e e r k a t s What is a fear you have about living on your own? That depression would get the better of me and I'd neglect taking good care of my house. One of the many reasons I'll never live alone. Not at all saying I'd leave the responsibilities to my partner, but they'd be motivation for me to get stuff done. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. Nothing that bad. What’s your stance on spooning? It helps me feel safe and loved and alsdkfjalwe I just love cuddling in all sorts lmao What’s your most recent obsession? Violet Orlandi & Melodicka Bros' cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." Have you ever been scammed? Ha ha, yes. I once wanted to get Jason a Joker and Harley Quinn pillow from deviantART; talked to the artist, paid 'em, never got it. :^) Have you ever fostered an animal? No. I would get WAY too attached to foster. I wouldn't be able to give them up without breaking down, probs. Do you know anyone who acts way younger than what they are? I'm sure I do, but no one is coming to mind atm. Would you say you’re a pretty independent person? God no. Does the last song you listened to, remind you of someone? JASON. Do you currently want a new computer? Yes, actually. I want a desktop PC for better gaming quality, honestly. Also, the "escape" key doesn't work on this laptop, one key is missing so I have to hit the sensor JUST right, and it restarts randomly sometimes. I want a PC mainly because I want to get out of the habit of being on my laptop in bed all damn day. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? I already have like six or seven, so they wouldn't be surprised. Is there anyone you can picture yourself being with forever right now? Maybe. Who is your truest friend? Sara. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? THIS house? Idk. Nothing that I'd consider odd. What bug frightens you most? STAG BEETLES lkadjslkfja;lwekjawl;kejrlawer Who is your oldest friend? That would be Sam, and he's in his mid-30s. How long have you known them? Many years. We met via WoW, which I've been playing since '14. I don't really remember how far into it we met, though. Where are they right now? lol I wouldn't know, he's all the way in Jersey. Plus we haven't talked in a while. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? God no, that would be so weird. What is the best gift someone can give you? An ear to listen without it feeling like a chore to them. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. I don't think I could do it. What is the last movie that made you cry? The The Lion King remake made me tear up. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. Ugh, that sounds like a blast. In your life who has meant the most to you? Let's not get into this. What has been your biggest failure in life? Letting depression and my other conditions take away my identity, becoming my new identity. Do you trust yourself? No. I second-guess EVERYTHING and never know what I should listen to: my heart, my head, my gut... or which voice is what. Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes. What was the last bug you killed? Some kind in the bathroom. Idk what it was. Just a little thing that sort of resembled an earwig, but not completely. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? By myself, since it's my page. Do you know anyone who has written a book? I don't think so? Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? Ew, no. I live with another person, and even if I didn't, what if I had guests? Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Maybe? Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? Jason has. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? NOOOOOOOOOO. I'm too scared to let my eyes close and not see what's going on on the road. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? I don't believe so, no. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Definitely something my niece has said, but idr what it was. What’s been on your mind lately? Y'all know, lol. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? No. Sara was recently there for that. ♥ How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Be very very excited if it was from a certain person.