#but i relate to this song since i always thought of this fandom as weirdly culty and puritan despite. EVERYTHING abt dhmis being opposite | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

icharchivist · 2 years ago

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oof a little tmi but i can’t help thinking about it (general depression mention under cut, fandom related, sorta, mostly about personal feelings about a3 with a sprinkle of "thoughts started by ff15")

my desire to replay ff15 came from how, i’ve been feeling extremely emotionally numb those past few months and having an emotional response to one of the tragic scene of the game made me realize this game could provoke at least the feeling of Sadness, which would be welcomed to feel again.

And idk if it’s because it opened the dam but ever since i did that i keep thinking about a3 again, which i’ve mostly managed to not think too deeply about again since the English server closed and it makes me cry on the spot thinking about it. I’ve been listening to the a3 songs consistently and yet recently doing so makes it very easy for tears to come out, and i genuinely can’t listen to any songs that came out more recently (basically since the second batch of solo) because they fill me with so much emotions i cannot process

but compared to ff15 where i was “wow! sadness! so cool let’s go again!” everytime i’m feeling something about a3 again i’m feeling extremely distraught.

I think eventually it really shows the power of catharsis through tragedy, because ff15′s sadness coming from this “the characters have a horrible fate and it only makes the happy moments more tender” means i’m focusing a lot on the grief and knowing it’s going to be taken away from me, but so, i can manage expectation a little bit more.

But thinking about going back to a3, which i’ve been toying with because i miss this whole cast so much, is genuinely making me unwell to think about and makes me want to cry, because those intense emotions are so different from just the catharsis of tragedy.

a3 makes me feel a lot of things because it’s probably the best achieved story of found family i’ve really been into, and with the course of the two years i had played it, where the events happened in real time then as to see the characters grow, it really felt like a home. Like all of them left in me this feeling of, they’re family, they’re a piece of me. And losing that, to some aspect, has been extremely shaking, and i’ve already mentioned i have a hard time thinking about switching to the JPN server or catching up to the story there because after those months of just, growing with them at the same pace at them, the idea of binging 5 years of content is making me unwell.

But also, about how much of what makes me emotional about a3 is the journey through healing. It sets up tragedies for the characters to overcome, and then they show the healing journey, and it takes a very, very long time, with the acknowledgement healing isn’t linear, isn’t easy, but is always worth it.

And i feel like i’m at a point of my depression where this idea is genuinely distressing to me, and considering how deeply i relate to some of the charas with the most complicated arc on that level, it terrifies me DLKFJDLKJDFKLFD part of me is terrified to see how they end up moving forward from their pain because i don’t know how to do that.

And worst of all, a3 leaves me yearning awfully. This whole way to have such a special thing, a special relationship like that, the idea of a place to feel at home at and safe healing at without being completely alone, to be understood, is making me yearn so much it makes me ache beyond measure.

And i miss a3 so much, and i want to come back to it so much, but the moment i think about it for two minutes, i end up crying in a very distraught way that isn’t at all the emotional relief just tragedy can give.

So weirdly enough it is making me think more about the appeal of tragedy, of how sadness is just “what if it could have been better, what if i could fix it”, the acknowledgement of pain without having to make the hard work to see it through. And in itself, it’s a good first step if only to stay out of numbness.

but i didn’t expect it to open the dam again and now i’m wondering how much of this numbness is a reaction to losing the a3en server or at least just, long term consequences of it, it’d track, trying to protect myself from the pain of losing something important

and i knOW it sucks because being this emotionally attached to a gacha is really no good, but also, they’re my little guys. They’re my buddies. They’re my friends and my family.

At least the fact i feel this strongly about it means at least i won’t feel guilt for the insane “i bought the whole cast in plushies” endeavor i took last year. I usually let them on the sofa to decorate since, yknow, 24+ plushies, but i’ve brought Sakuya back in my room when it’s time to sleep because it’s my son and i love him so much and i wish i could hug him non stop.

... Post that is brought to you by “i rewatched Sakuya’s 1st SSR backstage yesterday because i needed his reaction to seeing Izumi cry and it made me cry so fucking hard” and “i wanted to listen to a Sakuya song because it’s my SON but then My Dictionary and Monologue came in my mind and i cried so fucking hard out of nowhere now i’m scared to even open the a3 playlist and perhaps i should not listen to any music right now do not touch me”

I fucking miss a3 so fucking hard man, i say it a lot, but trust me, sometimes i feel like it comes out as "i just say it for the 5 a3 accounts that still somehow follow me, as a justification and apology" but it's genuinely a cry from the heart when i say that. I miss it so, so damn much, and i also can't touch it at all because it's genuinely destroying me emotionally to touch it again. I want it back in my life but i also just feel despair at the idea of getting it back. I just wish it had never left at all, that would have been easier.

Talk about insane media experience. man. I miss my sons so fucking much.

#ichapersonal #it's been a while oops #im super melancholic maybe i'll regret posting it tomorrow so don't mind me too much #it's 1am and i'm experiencing shrimps emotions sorry about that

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raeloganthesonic06fangirl · 4 years ago

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Aside from Sonic, Pokemon, DT17, and Darkwing Duck, what other kinds of media have you hyperfixated on? Are characters like Quackerjack and Mephiles usually the ones to draw you in and be your faves?

Would you believe that one of my absolute favorite characters of all time is Courage the Cowardly Dog?

True Story: I actually didn't know "Courage the Cowardly Dog" was supposed to be a spooky show until recent years. I thought it was just a wacky series about a dog encountering creepy creatures and sometimes befriending them or stopping them while his owners were mostly oblivious. I was super confused when people were listing it as a "childhood trauma" show on YouTube channels about spooky stuff. Also, I love "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy", and these two series are things I often randomly reference or quote from. 👀

The original Teen Titans cartoon was actually one of my first Fandoms I was active in. In fact, my baseline username, "RaeLogan", is derived from my two favorite characters in the program, Raven and Beast Boy. I made sooooo many AMVs for it, but a lot of them have been lost to time, particularly because it was before YouTube became a thing.

Here's one of my old videos that I was able to keep online. Would you believe someone actually once stole this off my page and re-uploaded it and got like 10x the views I had for this and hoooo-boy, I had quite a chore trying to argue my case and taking it up with YouTube themselves, since the thief was actually trying to monitize this, and I had timestamp upload proof that I was the creator. Partly why I started putting a watermark in the corner of most of my videos

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I also have a nostalgic thing for "Samurai Jack", which is probably the one series that I was able to watch every single episode on air date, fun fact.

Here was a video I did when the series finally ended, and I was pleased to use my original DVDs for most of the content, and even my special copy of the pilot that doesn't have the credit text over certain clips

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"Samurai Jack" was definitely one of those hyperfixations I had, so I think that counts.

And... I really, really liked Crona from "Soul Eater". They have virtually no merchandise, so it's incredibly hard to collect anything of them that doesn't cost big money, so the closest proximity I can get to collecting anything related to Crona is that Pop figure I have of Maka

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... By the way, my pink DS Lite is named "Crona" (my red 3DS is named "Maka" and my New 3DS I got on a Black Friday sale is named "Soul"). I name my devices usually after the current fixation, which also acts as an anchor point to remember that specific point in time.

I generally gravitate towards "misunderstood" characters, but sometimes it's as simple as the voice being aesthetically pleasing as well, which hooks me. Honest to God, I thought Kidd was going to be my favorite in "Soul Eater", and then Episode 7 happened.

Also, I have soooo many dolls of Stitch, as well as some additional merchandise of Stitch from "Lilo and Stitch". I will always gravitate towards the part of the store that has Stitch merch.

Garfield is definitely something I know way too much about, even if I don't really indulge in it too much anymore (I will get quite fired up about how much the live action movie is an absolute travesty that spits all over the source material and emotionally manipulates you into feeling for the characters, and the sequel is a vast improvement for an alternate universe, but the original live action Garfield movie can go fall in a ditch, but "Holla" by Baha Men is a great song to come from it)

When I was 8, I was unreasonably obsessed with learning about the Titanic, for some reason. Not the movie, I mean the actual historical significance and accounts of it. Reading books of transcribed documents and memories and diary entries and all that. I was weirdly obsessed with it for some reason, and I can't explain it, but it lasted like... two years.

And when I was 11, I was obsessed with collecting wind up, twin bell alarm clocks for some reason, I wanted a whole wall of those things, winding the key in the backs of them, just the tick-tick-tick noise, I don't even know where that came from, I just wanted a lot of clocks.

I try to be cautious when I play something like "The Sims", "Spore" and "Creatures 2", because I always fall down a rabbit hole during a specific amount of time that totally absorbs all of my time and attention until I lose interest of them again before I find the games again. 👀

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t100ficrecsblog · 5 years ago

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an interview with @queenemori (she/hers)

what are you working on right now? I recently started posting We Don’t Need To Say It, which is a multi-chap Memori actor AU. It’s a slow burn, don’t ask me how I looked at Murphy and Emori and decided to write a slow burn, but it’s what’s happening. I really do mean slow, the chapter I just finished writing is only the beginning of the angst, you’ve been warned. My beta tells me she hates me at least once a chapter if you want an idea of how angsty this is gonna get. I started out writing for Bellarke in this fandom, and I’ll be going back to that later this summer. Anyone who follows me knows I’m obsessed with Emma, and I have an Emma Bellarke AU that’s in the outlining stages currently. I’m hoping to work on it more once I get further into this Memori fic.

what’s something you’d like to write one day? The fic I’m working on now is actually the thing that I was like, “I want to write that one day”. I love actor AUs and I wanted to write one for some fandom at some point, and in January I got this idea, but I was working on other stuff, so I was like, well maybe I’ll write it this summer. And now I am! Though I would like to write something featuring dad!Murphy in the near future.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? It’s actually one I haven’t published yet! I participated in Bellarke Big Bang this year, and I wrote a soulmates rom-com fic. I’m excited to share it soon once we get the go-ahead, and the artist I got to work with @clarkeindra has made some amazing art to go with it! For ones that you can actually go physically read, I will say You’re Already Breaking My Heart. It was my first fic I wrote for t100 fandom, and also the first thing I wrote after a really long time of just not writing anything, so I’m proud of it for getting me back into something I love and I’m glad that other people seemed to enjoy it. It’s what got me more into this fandom in the first place and how I made some of my first friends.

why did you first start writing fic? I got more into writing around the time I started college, though I always used to write little stories. There were a few times I almost wrote fanfic before then, like the time I almost wrote a Glee fic in ninth grade, or the time my junior year of high school where I almost wrote a Downton Abbey fic where Sybil and Branson were pen pals while Sybil was on her nurses course in season 2. But the summer before college, I wanted to write, and didn’t have any ideas for characters, but I had just read a really amazing next-gen Harry Potter fic called “Potters, Weasleys, and Misguided Snogging” which made me ship Scorpius Malfoy and Lily Luna Potter, or Scorily. So I started writing a couple stories specifically for that ship, back when I still used FF.net. It was just a one-shot and a multi-chap I never finished, but it was fun to interact with people and get to hear what they liked about the story and that they hoped I continued it, so I guess I caught the fic writing bug then.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? I wish people would leave more kudos. I’ve had this discussion with some friends before where they’re like, “What makes you leave kudos on a fic?” and I leave kudos on most fics I read, so it’s very interesting to hear people say they don’t do that as liberally as I do. If I made it to the end of the story, I’m probably going to leave kudos. The writer kept me engaged long enough to get to the end, which I think is worthy of showing some sort of support, even if I don’t leave a comment. Though I am trying to get better about leaving comments more often. Kudos are a very low stakes way to show you like a story that someone put out. Afraid to comment, but want to show the author you enjoyed reading? Leave kudos. A couple of stories I have out have gotten a fair amount of hits, but the amount of kudos in comparison to the amount of people who have probably opened it is a little disheartening. I’ve also heard people say they don’t want to leave kudos on stories that have been out for a while, but I love to get kudos on my old work! It’s fun to see that people are still reading things I put out in like 2017 or even just last year. Kudos brighten my day just as much as comments do sometimes, especially when I know not everyone feels comfortable leaving a comment!

what are your top five songs right now? The answer to this is 98% always related to what I’m listening to when I’m working on a certain writing project lol.

Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex Heartbreak Weather by Niall Horan I Will Follow You into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie Bye-Bye Darling by Borns Fire for You by Cannons

what are your inspirations? Red, White & Royal Blue, since I read that recently. It honestly just made me want to write a movie, and I kind of hope that whatever TV or movie adaptation it ends up getting in the future I’m able to work on. I want to be a screenwriter, so I tend to get inspired by TV a lot. The Mindy Project, Insecure, and even Never Have I Ever are big inspirations for me. Or more like, anything that Issa Rae or Mindy Kaling are involved in, to be honest. I write a lot of modern AUs, so just anything that shows good relationship progression or has fun with mundane, everyday situations.

what first attracted you to Memori? what attracts you now? So fun fact, I stopped watching the show for a bit. I binged basically two seasons in a weekend while visiting a friend in like 2017, and I enjoyed it, but I wasn’t obsessed? Then I started s3 and a bunch of characters were getting on my nerves so I put it down for a while. Then I was on Tumblr at the beginning of 2019 and saw a gifset from 3x05 of Murphy and Emori kissing and I was kind of like, “That guy’s still alive? And he has a girlfriend?” So I started watching again, legit only because I was shook Murphy had survived lol. So the thing that first attracted me to them was just the fact that they were a couple at all, I guess. I’d say now that I’ve rewatched the show and seen their relationship develop, I love that these are two people who have always had to fend for themselves and kind of had that “me against the world” mentality. And then they find this other person that cares about them and wants to take care of them, and life becomes a lot less lonely. Also now we get to see their relationship after years together, so they’re very domestic, which adds this lovely sense of normalcy on this post-apocalyptic sci-fi show that I absolutely adore. Their interactions especially in s7 just read as a married couple who are very comfortable with each other, but still incredibly devoted to one another and in love.

Besides Memori, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? For ships, I also really like Bellarke. When I was more casually watching the first time around, I didn’t have much of an opinion on them/didn’t really ship it until season 4, but ever since then I’ve been on board. It’s very clear I’m a huge Memori person, but I do ship Murven, though mainly in AU settings. And Memoraven are my OT3!! My other fave character is Bellamy. And I feel like Gabriel has also quickly become a favorite for me. It’s definitely a mixture of his confused, but obsessed with science vibe on the show and the fact that he has been very fun to write in my actor AU when he makes appearances every so often.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? Ever since I’ve been home due to the pandemic, writing has kind of been my escape. Weirdly enough, I’ve written so much (both fic and some real life stuff), even though I’m still working and everything like that. And when the BLM movement was getting a lot of traction specifically in our fandom spaces, I was immediately skeptical of people’s intentions because as a Black person in America specifically I’ve seen this happen before where all the attention is on this issue for a couple weeks and then everyone goes back to posting what they normally post about. And I guess this time things are a bit different, but the thing that began to frustrate me was seeing people shame others for saying they were going to watch the next episode of the show or for working on their fanfic. Fandom spaces have been my biggest escape from the news since March and while I was glad people were focusing on this sort of thing, I kind of hated the way people were making it out to be like this was a new issue when in reality it’s just my life. When I close my laptop and go out into the world, I’m still Black. I had considered opening my ask box up for prompts in exchange for someone donating to a bail fund or something like that, especially since I had just reached a follower milestone, but when I saw that Sam was organizing this and it was going to be an ongoing thing rather than just for a certain period of time, it was heartening to see someone realizing that this isn’t something we can just stop talking about even when the media moves on. The structure of these prompts makes it so that a person has to do a bit of research on BLM and educate themselves or confront the issue in a way they might not have had to before. And it gives me a chance to write things like my fluffy Memori wedding fic ! It’s a way to have my little fandom escape and also stay aware of what’s going on in the real world.

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)? I LOVE outlines! The Virgo in me loves to talk about my fic outlining process lol. With some short one-shots, I tend to just go in with a sentence or concept that I write at the top of the document and just write and see where that takes me. I also put at the top of the document all the things I want to tag it as when I go to post to AO3, so I don’t have to spend too much time thinking of those when it’s time to post. With multi-chap fics, I first make an ideas dump document which is just me typing out a bunch of thoughts, things like who’s in it, the premise, stuff like that. My actor AU has three preliminary documents: My ideas dump, the actual outline, and then the outline for what happens on each season of the TV show the characters are all on, since I reference those plot points a lot. For things like Chopped or prompts I receive, I do a mixture of the outline/ideas dump in one document. I put at the top all the information I received (so with prompts I tend to just copy/paste the ask from my inbox, and for Chopped the different tropes and theme), then think about what characters I want to use if it wasn’t specified, then kind of do bullet points on what happens in the story. These have all been really helpful in terms of keeping me on track, but I make sure to remind myself that things can change as I write and take a different direction than I expected. So my outlines are constantly changing, but the general idea is already written somewhere so I don’t get too stuck.

what are your thoughts on dad!murphy? The concept of dad!Murphy has really been living rent-free in my brain since before the beginning of season 7. I just kind of love the idea of Murphy (who is a character at first glance I feel like people don’t picture as much of a father figure) kind of falling into being a dad in an unexpected way, and then realizing how much he loves it. It’s just such a sweet thought, and I talked about it so much with some of my friends, that we started a Dad!Murphy Enthusiast Club server on discord (we’re always accepting members so DM me if you’d like to join us!). We just kind of talk about our dad!Murphy headcanons, share fics featuring dad!Murphy, and then get excited when people make new dad!Murphy content. It’s a fun time and though I am a very large Memori, I’m a multi-shipper at heart, and Murphy is one of those characters that I find easy to ship with a lot of people, so we love dad!Murphy in all forms!

what are some things you’d like to recommend? This is a mix of Bellarke and Memori stuff, since that’s what I mainly read.

Literally everything @mobi-on-a-mission writes, but if I must get specific, then Revive and The Cockroach.

Almost Paradise (We’re Knocking On Heaven’s Door) by @nakey-cats-take-bathsss , 13 hours by Kats_watermelon, feat. by Debate, and of course, my comfort fic so i sing a song of love by twilightstargazer.

The best place to find @queenemori is here on Tumblr. You can find her ao3 here. Request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

#bellarkefic4blm #memori #john murphy #emori kom spacekru #the 100 fanfiction #bellarkefic for blm interviews

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misstrashchan · 5 years ago

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The Man With Two Souls, Pt. 2

Okay, so this ended up being a fucking long part 2 to my previous meta post. There was a lot I wanted to get down, and if it doesn't make sense or you don't agree with it, that's fine, I'd just be happy if you read it. Now I can rest until the finale comes and beats me up.

So, there's a few more Salem and Adam parallels to start off with like

(8) Having the same reaction to hearing someone mention Blake and Oz and the possibility of them getting the upper hand against them

(9) Chronologically after this happens (we see Adam destroy the throne room in Volume 6 episode 2, but we see him lose his mask at the end of the Adam trailer) deciding to go after Blake on his own while Salem creates the winged Beringel grimm and plans to go to Atlas herself, presumably to go after Oscar/Ozpin so he doesn't get in the way of her plans (as well as Ruby since she clearly needs her as well)

"If you want something done right, you do it yourself" - Volume 6 Chapter 13

(10) Adam and Salem telling Blake and Oz about how they're going to destroy them and those around them

"The ability to derive strength from hope is undoubtedly mankind's greatest attribute. Which is why I will focus all of my effort to snuff it out. How does it feel? Knowing that all your time and effort has been for nothing. That your guardians have failed you. That everything you've built will be torn down before your very eyes."

"So you send your guardians, your huntsman and huntresses. And when they fail and you turn to your smaller soul, know that you send her to the same pitiful demise. This is the beginning of the end, Ozpin. And I can't wait to watch you burn." - Salem, Volume 3 Chapter 12

"What you want is impossible! But I understand. Because all I want is you, Blake. And as I set out and deliver the justice mankind so greatly deserves, I will make it my mission to destroy everything you love. Starting with her." - Adam, Volume 3 Chapter 11

(11) Salem and Adam's perception of Oz and Blake affecting their perspective of themselves... and the audience.

Okay, this one's honestly kind of weird. For so, so long there were a lot of people who bought into the idea that Ozpin was secretly evil or somehow worse than Salem, or that he'd done something terrible and unforgivable to Salem. I fully admit, I was one of those people. I mean, I didn't think he was evil, but the way Salem talked to him at the end of volume 3, listening to the song Divide, I thought, he must have done something bad to Salem, right? How could she hate him so much otherwise?

And the worst thing he did... was leave her. When he couldn't go along with being a genocidal dictator of the whole world alongside Salem, and didn't want their children to be a part of that either.

And as for Adam, he tells Blake that she hurt him more than anybody because she left him.

"All sorts of people hurt me in all sorts of different ways. But no one hurt me quite like you, Blake. You didn't leave scars. You just left me alone." - Adam, Volume 6 Chapter 12

And Salem would also have been hurt from Ozma trying to leave her. Especially when you think about her backstory, how she was kept isolated in a tower, and instead of finding freedom in the outside world, found it in Ozma. And then he died, and she was alone again. And then the Gods destroyed humanity, and Salem is left alone one again for god knows how long.

"Once again, Salem was alone." - Volume 6 Chapter 3

And weirdly, similar to Ozpin there were people who bought into Adam's false perception of Blake too. That Blake is somehow the one who hurt Adam more than he hurt her (which is, completely insane).

And Salem and Adam want Oz and Blake to feel that way. To be paralyzed with self hatred and doubt, to be stuck in the past, and feel as if everything is their fault. That Salem and Adam are their responsibility, at first to save them, and then to stop them.

You see it with Adam's gaslighting, trying to paint her as an unfaithful coward. And I mean, just listen to the song Divide. The whole song is Salem trying to make out Ozpin to be the villain, that she's killing people but the real murderer is him for trying to give people hope, even if it was hope based on a desperate lie.

"It was you who ended their lives! Made them to dig their own graves! With your dark, sick, cruel design, convinced them their world could be saved." - Divide

And there were a lot of people convinced by Salem's song Divide that Ozpin was far worse than he really was, to the point it was surprising that he hadn't wronged Salem in some way like most people were expecting.

And Adam tries to make Blake believe that she's a coward, that she's selfish and weak, that running away from her problems is all she knows how to do.

And for a long while, Blake believed he was right. That she was toxic to the people around her, that she made things worse for them. And there were some people in the fandom who thought that she really was this toxic person.

It's actually kind of scary, but Salem and Adam managed to manipulate not only Blake and Oz's perception of themselves, but also the audience as well in how they saw them.

I don't doubt for a moment this is going to extend to Oscar as well if she meets him, that she'll likely try to convince him that he's just Ozpin and that he, Oscar, doesn't matter, and he'll fail and make the same mistakes as their past lives. Which undoubtedly parts of the fandom are going to take Salem's false perception of Oscar to heart as well and believe her.

Which brings me to move on from Blake's parallels with her first "soul" and Ozpin, to her second "soul" and Oscar.

Now Blake alluding to the Man with Two Souls is metaphorical, while in Oscar's case it's very literal, and it's no coincidence she's the one who first introduces us to the concept to us with the book she's reading during the Shining Beacon.

"...It's about a man with two souls. Each fighting for control over his body"

(It's important to note that the conflict between the two souls is not one of Good vs Evil)

Blake's conflict of her two metaphorical souls fighting for control, is the false perception Adam had of Blake and who she used to be with him, her past that she can't escape, and the struggle for her smaller, more honest soul, trying to define herself and decide who she wants to be. And for Oscar, he's struggling to define himself and decide who he wants to be, because of the merge with Ozpin, and that his past will become Oscar's too.

Both of them want to do the right thing and rise to their challenges, but it seems like such an impossible task to them that they're afraid to meet it.

"I'm... scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been. Than I ever thought was possible. I always knew I wanted to be more than a farmhand. But this? Who would ask for this?" - Oscar, Volume 5 Chapter 5

"I joined the Academy because I knew that Huntsman and Huntresses were regarded as the most noble warriors in the world. Always fighting for good. But I never really thought past that. When I leave the Academy what will I... How can I undo so many years of hate?" - Blake, Volume 2, Chapter 10

But the person who sees Blake's "other soul" the person she's truly capable of being, who she really is, even when she can't herself, is Yang.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out. You're not one to back down from a challenge Blake." - Yang, Volume 2 Chapter 10

And the one who sees Oscar and who he's capable of being even when he can't himself, is Ruby.

"Hey Oscar? I know this isn't going to be easy. But the fact that you're trying says a lot about you. You're braver than you think." - Ruby, Volume 5 Chapter 5

Blake and Oscar are also the first people we see Yang and Ruby open up to about their past trauma. The difference between the two being that in the Burning the Candle scene Yang is more willing to be vulnerable around Blake, to let her guard down and open up to her about her abandonment issues and how they've affected her.

Because as a more emotionally mature character she understands she needs to do that in order to properly relate to Blake so she can offer her support. She gets frustrated however when Blake still refuses her support, and so she has to give her a push to accept it.

Ruby, however, isn't as emotionally mature as Yang, and doesn't find it easy to let down her guard and talk about her emotions. Her mentality being described as "I don't have time for my emotions, I've got to make sure everybody else is okay" - RWBY Rewind: Ruby Rose Rewinds With Us

She feels like she constantly needs to be a pillar of strength and support for everyone around her as a leader. She has a hard time opening up about her own feelings and being vulnerable around others. For her, it seems much more natural to internalize those feelings rather than face them head on. As a leader, she feels she isn't supposed to show fear or doubt. If she admits how she's hurting or how scared she is, she'd be afraid of those around her losing faith.

Ironically, it's Ozpin's words of advice to her that enforce this mentality

"But if you aren't constantly performing at your best, what reason do you give others to follow you?"

So even though only a minute ago Oscar saw that Ruby was clearly upset over something (being reminded of Penny's death)

Ruby then goes on to act like nothing's wrong when she then attempts to reassure Oscar. And it feels like a performance, and though Ruby genuinely does want to reassure him, it comes across as insincere to him. He's frustrated because Ruby isn't being honest about how she's feeling, and is only concerned with his feelings.

So in the Dojo scene we have Oscar start to push Ruby past that flawed mentality that Ozpin enforced, to be more honest about how she's feeling, to talk about how the Fall of Beacon and the loss of Phyrra and Penny affected her, how she's afraid of Salem killing people she cares about, and that she'd kill anyone regardless.

And with both Ruby and Yang opening up about their past experiences they can relate to Blake and Oscar's own fears, doubts and insecurities. Blake's need for answers and Oscar's fear of the fight with Salem, and Yang's need for answers and Ruby's fear of the fight with Salem.

"I told you! I'm not telling you to stop! I haven't. To this day I still want to know what happened to my mother and why she left me. But I will never let that search control me. We're going to find the answers we're looking for Blake. But if we destroy ourselves in the process what good are we?" - Yang, Volume 2 Chapter 6

"I am scared! But not just for me. What happened at Beacon shows that Salem doesn't care if you're standing against her or not. She'll kill anybody. And that, scares me most of all. Phyrra... Penny... I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. That I didn't think about them every day since I lost them. That I didn't wish I had spent more time with them. If it had been me instead, I know they would have kept fighting too. No matter how dangerous it was. So that's what I choose to do. To keep moving forward." - Ruby, Volume 5 Chapter 5

And by demonstrating their own resolve, as well as their belief in the kind of people Blake and Oscar are capable of being that inspires them to be that person.

"I'm. Not. Running."

"You. Will." - Blake and Adam, Volume 3 Chapter 11

"She made a choice. To put others before herself. And so do I."

"Then you've chosen death." - Oscar and Hazel, Volume 5 Chapter 12

There's also Blake expressing her doubt in Yang during volume 3 after she attacked Mecury, causing Yang to question her own judgement.

She compares it to how Adam used to attack people, and of course she knows Yang wouldn't do something like that without good reason, but she can't but feel like the situation is very familiar. And Blake knows Yang isn't Adam, and makes it clear that she's decided to trust Yang.

"I want to trust you. I will trust you." - Volume 3 Chapter 8

But despite that, Blake's words do still weigh on her mind even when she's alone, where Qrow comes to talk to her about what happened and reassure her, and then they end up talking about her mum.

And then with Ruby in volume 7, Oscar expresses his doubt in Ruby in her decision to lie and hide the truth from Ironwood, comparing it to how Ozpin did the same to them, which, similar to Yang, causes Ruby to question her own judgement. And obviously he knows Ruby isn't Ozpin, that she probably had a good reason for lying. But again, the situation just feels so familiar.

But ultimately he decides to put his trust in Ruby, even before Ironwood.

"I do believe in you. But not only you." - Volume 7 Chapter 7

And by episode 9 they're both on the same page in deciding to choose the truth over fear. (if only James could have stayed on that page too)

Similarly to Yang, we see Ruby alone in episode 4 of volume 7, and you can tell Oscar's words are still weighing on her mind, as Qrow comes over to talk to her and she asks him if she is like Ozpin, and he reassures her that she's not, and then they end up talking about her mother.

Okay, so I'm going to go out on a limb here, and you can call me out on my bullshit if you like, but I'm making a prediction (like, 12 hours from the finale, but hey, it might happen later in the series for all I know)

If we're going full in on the parallels here, remember how Yang lost an arm trying to protect Blake from Adam, and afterwards Blake ends up leaving Yang like Raven, believing she'd be better off without her?

And how Salem is on her way to Atlas after hearing Ozpin had reincarnated, the foreshadowing for Ruby losing an eye and them bringing up her trauma around Summer in Chapter 11?

On top of her wanting Ruby alive?

I'm gonna guess Ruby loses an eye trying to protect Oscar, and then afterwards either Oscar or Ruby tries to sacrifice and give themselves up to Salem, except it ends up being a hollow sacrifice like Summer's

"I didn't have a choice I did what I had to do I made a sacrifice but forced a bigger sacrifice on you!" - Red like Roses Part 2

Because Salem would end up taking both of them either way. I actually can't imagine a scenario where she doesn't, because she needs both of them. But one of them has a worse fate, a "bigger sacrifice" in store for them when they reach Evernight (which I'm still thinking is Ruby)

#rwby #ozpin #oscar pine #yang xiao long #ruby rose #salem #blake belladona #adam taurus #trash meta #thank FUCK I can finally sleep #thanks to anyone who read this to the end #I don't think I'm any good at this but it feels good to just waffle sometimes

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disappearinginq · 4 years ago

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1, 3 Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from Wrong Side? and 26?

1. What’s your favorite character(s) to write for?

Whichever one comes easiest to me at the moment - which is probably a cop out, but seriously, they’re probably coming to me easier because I love them or identify with them at the moment. That being said, I do love Kane from the 100 (which might be the reason why I am one of the few people who likes Russ from the MacGyver reboot), Rick from Magnum, and weirdly enough - angry Lucifer in the Lucifer fandom. But pretty much anyone who has some form of emotional trauma that I can relate to and has a healthy dose of sarcasm.

3. Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from Wrong Side?

Yes - but it hasn’t been published yet, and I don’t want to spoil anything, but it’s a scene from when they’ve been rescued and they’re at the hospital. It’s actually the scene I wrote first in that whole series, and have been trying to get back to ever since.

26. Are titles for your stories easy to come up with?

I actually put very, very little thought into my titles, and it has in fact come back to bite me, but usually I just pick a song or phrase stuck in my head. Or like with Bad Things - literally just my Bad Things Happen bingo card set. :-) I think Wrong Side was actually because the music video for the song is a military one and I thought some of the sentiments seemed like Thomas and the guys (and conveniently provides me with a title for the sequel: Righteous Side of Hell)

Thanks for the asks! These are always fun!

- Also, I did get your asks for Bad Things - Nerve Damage is the next chapter, and Came Back Wrong is pretty much the latter half of Wrong Side (unless you would prefer a snippet in more details, less background?)

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darkestangel1326 · 5 years ago

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Fuyu no Hanashi - both versions

So ever since Fuyu no Hanashi has been released in the anime, the fandom has collectively lost their shit over the song, replaying it over and over and doing post after post analysis over the scene. In some instances scrolling through the tags, you see people prefer one version over the other.

I don’t really have a preference for either version but I love both versions. I really do think that each version represents a differing view of Mafuyu’s grieving process and how he moves forward, after Yuki. When you look at the nuances of the songs, I think that especially emphasizes it.

So this is a meta nobody wanted about the two versions of Fuyu no Hanashi (Mafuyu’s song) and how they are BOTH nuanced and interesting to me.

First up, the anime version:

God just re-watching this scene gives me chills. It was so beautifully done. I don’t wanna focus too much on the colors since a good meta has already been done but I do wanna talk about the lyrics and how they relate to this portrayal of the story.

[Given Anime] Fuyu no Hanashi (LYRICS)

[Verse 1] Just like Snow that hasn't completely melted In the shade I continue on with these feelings inside me Hey, with what words Should I close the door on this love? The instruments start full force from the beginning, everyone in the group playing intensely and then there’s a brief fade of the intensity, likely where Mafuyu’s song would be. When Mafuyu starts singing, all the instruments support his lyrics as they fade more into the background, with the exception of guitar. This represents the support his band has been giving him behind the scenes to get him to the stage even if they didn’t know his tragic backstory.

Mafuyu begins singing softly and there’s a slight delay between his first word he sings and the next lyrics, almost as if it hits him [and us tbh] that he’s singing aloud. This pause could also be seen as Mafuyu trying to put his feelings into words and taking a second to pick the best ones; but if you think about it metaphorically, Mafuyu - quiet, sleepy Mafuyu - has found his voice and he wants to say something that will reach people, though who he desperately wants to reach most is Yuki.

There is a kanji that means snow and although that is not part of Yuki’s actual name, I still think Mafuyu’s first metaphor talking about snow works as a hidden reference to Yuki. Snow that hasn’t melted in the shade ie feelings that haven’t left, even at Mafuyu’s darkest times. So his next line of lyrics rise in volume gradually and he continues in that same volume. He confirms his feelings here as well. Then he takes an [audible] breath after the first word of his question and continues it by singing the rest of the lines with a rising volume. Personally, I like the sound of artist’s taking a breath and in this case, it was done well and believably. For one, Mafuyu probably hasn’t learned breath control much so he’s belting out this beautiful sound and has to take a breather but also might still be unaware of how close he is to the mic resulting in the audible breath. Or, another reason may be because this breath, intended or not, slows the song enough to build for something impactful (the chorus). And this slowing pace also makes his question of how am I supposed to stop loving you when I still do? sound more desperate and pleading. Additionally, this line shifts Mafuyu’s sad thoughts to his more bitter ones, which is fully expressed in the first chorus. [1st Chorus] Your everything has lost its tomorrow And now is wandering around eternally Along with me Who unable to say goodbye or move on

The instruments all come back in full force with the drums taking the lead. Except this time, neither the instruments or Mafuyu’s voice yield to the other. It gives the impression that the band has become a constant support in Mafuyu’s grieving process. And here we see the change from Mafuyu’s melancholy to his bitterness towards Yuki, and even preludes how Yuki’s ghost haunts him. Mafuyu is in essence saying that Yuki’s physical form is gone but his ghost is always in Mafuyu’s life and will be forever, hanging around the guy who was unable to properly say goodbye. And this is when we begin to understand that Mafuyu has some guilt surrounding Yuki’s death; he wishes he could’ve said a proper goodbye. And yes, I know that sounds like every mourner but this is especially poignant because Mafuyu’s constant inner dialogue to this point was always presented as “I’m not lonely. I have friends who I play basketball with etc”. So hearing him say and getting the sense that he feels guilt about Yuki’s death (though at this point we didn’t know how much), it makes you see him in a different way. It’s also a big stepping stone for Mafuyu since he’s finally said he was unable to say goodbye or move on which means that he’s facing his feelings with the unyielding support of his bandmates during an impromptu song performed live.

[Verse 2] Just like A spell that still won't break Or some kind of curse I'm still holding on to some heavy baggage Hey, what kind of tomorrow Am I supposed to look for in this town?

Ah...

This is where the feels got real for me. That echo. It was the first echo I heard in the song and I think the reason was just impact. By this point in the song we see that Mafuyu is starting to really pour his heart out in an effort to confront his past and then that echo after his first word. It’s not just that there’s an echo, but a lingering, fading one that really emphasizes how haunted Mafuyu’s been by his past. And we further delve into the feels/grief in the rest of the verse. Most instruments fade into the background, giving Mafuyu space to sing his next verse. And this verse continues to have the echo effect throughout as well. We see Mafuyu’s rose-colored worldview of Yuki crumble as he compares his love with Yuki as a magic spell at first, then becoming unbreakable after his death, with a suffocating grip akin to a curse. If he tries to move forward, he carries the weight of Yuki’s passing like heavy baggage and wants to know how he’s supposed to move forward when this baggage, once magic spell, makes it hard to not see Yuki everywhere.

If we relate this to the flashbacks, we see Mafuyu’s highlights with Yuki - their first meeting which was like magic, all the way to Mafuyu’s last words to Yuki (aka what he is most likely guilty about). However, it’s Mafuyu’s last words to Yuki, and the guilt associated with those words from Yuki’s sudden passing - that’s the real heavy baggage Mafuyu carries around.

So how can he move forward in life, in the place where his guilt and Yuki’s ghost live? He doesn’t know how and the one person he wants to reach out to and ask can’t answer him. Hence the most heartbreaking scream I’ve heard in a long time. He screams out of pain. Out of despair. Out of anguish. It’s like he’s free falling and was trying to reach out to the one person who could ease his guilt but realizes (or should I say finally accepts) that the person he wants to talk to most about this pain won’t ever be able to respond back. And so he keeps falling.

[Bridge]

The cold tears that fall Freeze under the sky They pretend to be kind And around the time, they fall down my face Two people who were always together are torn apart That's all there is to this story

The Bridge is also so well done here. There’s a stillness of the instruments like a moment of delayed falling, as if time itself has stopped.

This likely references immediately post-Yuki when Mafuyu had the most trouble knowing or expressing his grief and his inability to move forward. The cold tears that fall/ Freeze under the sky - almost like saying his guilt is preventing him from expressing his sadness. Or that he’s having trouble showing his emotions at all compared to those around him. Deep down Mafuyu wanted to feel something openly but maybe it’s the guilt or the memory of his abusive father or a trigger that prevents him from feeling at all. But when he does start facing his past, every emotion rushes back - the good and the bad: They pretend to be kind/ and around the time, they fall down my face. I think this represents his feelings abstractly - they pretend to be kind because his first thoughts about Yuki are his happy memories but as soon as the memories hit him, so does the regret, the sorrow and the anger.

Notice here how the other instruments start coming back full force, almost one by one almost as if representing each member stepping up and letting Mafuyu know he can be vulnerable - a nice little reference to the story since Mafuyu does sort of have a moment with each of them during his grieving process.

Two people who were always together are torn apart and showing THAT scene...that is the most raw this song reached. It hurt seeing Mafuyu say even though he couldn’t forgive himself or Yuki that he wanted to and still missed him [and in that broken voice too]. And he brought that emotion into the last line of the bridge. In the simplest of terms, two people who were always together were torn apart, but this is perhaps the first time Mafuyu can come to realize that Yuki wasn’t just taken from him but Mafuyu was also taken from Yuki. They both lost the other and that shows that Mafuyu is starting to see that Yuki’s death wasn’t his fault.

Something I’ve been learning about grief is that you can feel frozen and unsure what to think about someone, but can also feel anger towards someone who died. It can weirdly be more intimate because you have a solidly established relationship and aren’t blinded by the good times. Now I’m not saying be angry with them forever, or even be bitter; I’m saying that being able to be angry while grieving isn’t strange because ultimately, the resolution of anger by expressing it can be freeing. And we see this in the final chorus of this song.

[Final Chorus] Even if your everything loses its shape one day You'll always be here within me As I try to move forward again Even though I couldn't say goodbye You'll always be here with me

Instrument wise, this is pretty similar to the first chorus, though here there is a notable explosive moment (Uenoyama) that transitions the rest of the band from subdued to full on sound in the first line. You could depict this as how Uenoyama is catalyst for Mafuyu to grieve and feel safe doing it at his own pace. Additionally, this chorus has similar lyrics to the first chorus though the diction is important: “Even if”. This changes the chorus greatly, along with the other changes such as “move forward again” and “you’ll always be here within me”. All these changes soften up the chorus so Mafuyu sounds less bitter towards Yuki and he actually sounds more fond of their memories together but now knowing he has to move forward with only those memories in his heart.

He accepts that he won’t get to say goodbye and that one day he may even forget some things about Yuki, but even so, as he moves forward again Yuki will be there with him.

There’s just something so beautiful about this chorus when it comes to these lyrics and how they work with the rest of the song. Yes verse 2 and the bridge were interesting because of the echos and the instrumental arrangement and the scream but something about a character realizing that this guilt they carried for so long is the very thing that kept them from moving forward and finally being able to come to terms with the pain, accept that it’s there and give themself permission to try moving forward again.. Something about that just makes me really emotional because it’s such a simple yet powerful concept that is so difficult to do in real life.

Next up, the BLCD version

I’m in the middle of listening to the drama cd so I don’t know how or when this song comes up (or if the posted drama cd will include the performance) and the voice acting is something that I’m getting used to considering I watched the anime before hearing the BLCD though I did hear the BLCD Fuyu no Hanashi before hearing the anime’s version. Then I heard the live BLCD Fuyu no Hanashi which reminds me of the anime scene though it doesn’t sync up perfectly.

[Given BLCD] Fuyu no Hanashi (LYRICS*)

I can’t meet you, but I don't feel alone. This is a certain winter's story that's disappeared so suddenly.

Here we’re hit with a sole guitar sound characterized with short, quick and consistent strums with a sound akin to church bells, as if alluding to a funeral or death. The drums appear, though mostly in the background to make the beat more present and then another guitar comes in, its own sound distorted yet patterned between lower and higher pitches that sound like wailing screams. After setting this angsty scene, the instruments pause briefly and Mafuyu sings with the wailing guitar sound transforming into one with a consistent pitch and strumming pattern joining him (which I believe is his guitar in this version). It being his guitar makes sense since no other instruments are heard at this point; Mafuyu is telling his story and it’s his thoughts we’re hearing. in the manga, Mafuyu constantly repeats he doesn’t feel alone citing by this point the various things going on in his life. But saying I can’t meet you beforehand adds a good tension to the song and an interesting contradiction in the hook. I can’t meet you/ but don’t feel alone - it makes it sounds robotic and forced, like he’s telling the truth but with his barriers up to avoid the underlying emotions.

This is a certain winter's story/ that's disappeared so suddenly - the rest of the instruments begin coming back, though faintly, as if supporting Mafuyu’s grief. The faint return of the instruments along with Mafuyu’s faint almost hushed whispered type singing builds an interesting tension to the song, making it feel like the calm before the storm.

Differing from my heart, I put my words to use. Don't forgive me now.

Here the song’s tension heightens with both Mafuyu and the band’s instruments increase in volume. This also reflects the lyrics since we begin to understand Mafuyu believes he is to blame for this winter tragedy. And right after he sings Don't forgive me now the tension is realeased.

Where did you go? My fingers are cold and I can't move; it's as if I didn't know anything.

The wailing guitar returns when Mafuyu belts Where did you go? leaving the impression that this wailing sound represents his screams. But more than that, this whole verse (chorus?) is accusatory but in a more reserved, melancholy way - as if representing hesitancy to feel anything while being buried in emotions. All this amounts to Mafuyu being frozen by contradictory emotions and therefore being unable to fully process much less express himself.

This verse is immediately followed up by the instruments coming back full force with the wailing guitar the most prominent sound, again representing Mafuyu’s internal screams of frustration, bitterness and sadness.

I remember the smell of the sea. Even more, the thoughts I wish I'd told you, floating midair.

Next, the instruments fade except for the beating drums and a new delicately intricate guitar sound whose loop-like pattern represent Mafuyu’s grief and how all his emotions are constantly looping. Mafuyu’s voice returns to a softer and more hushed sound as he remembers the smell of the sea. This is a direct reference to his beach trip with Yuki (which was presented earlier in the manga) and how Mafuyu never thought he would forget the trip though Yuki thought he would eventually. Here, Mafuyu's contesting that not only does he remember the sea but also the floating thoughts are that he’ll always remember Yuki, whether he wants to or not which he didn’t quite say during that trip.

The cymbals from the drums echo as two predominant guitar sounds compete to be heard: one a less severe church bell sound and the other a calming and consistently short strum patterned one. In this case, the sounds likely represent Mafuyu’s biggest competing emotions: his guilt and his fondness towards Yuki.

Additionally, remember how Akihiko talked with Mafuyu and told Mafuyu that he has to face his past in order to move forward [and he hinted moving forward with Ue at the time]? Well consider that it was the cymbal echo (from the drums) that gave rise to the two competing guitars sounds, bringing them to the forefront while Mafuyu was singing.

The seasons will always pass by ever so quickly, yet why am I just standing here?

The drums become more present as the less severe church bell guitar fades and is almost entirely consumed by the simple strum patterned guitar. The arrangement settles into a melancholic sound backdrop to Mafuyu’s firm singing.

Lyrically, the seasons will always pass by ever so quickly could refer to time but they could also refer to people (Yuki referring to winter and Ue referring to summer - two distinct seasons). This is continued by Mafuyu asking yet why am I just standing here? Again, this works on the time passing level and Mafuyu’s shift of romantic emotions to Ue but let’s not undercut the importance of this verse. This is the first time Mafuyu openly expresses a desire to move forward in the song. Up to this point, he talks about being unable to move forward or even being lost in his memories, but he doesn’t express a desire to move forward until Ue becomes a bigger part of his life.

The simple strum pattern guitar sound evolves into a more aggressive sound, briefly disrupting the previous melancholic tone of the song and adding an interesting overall feel, briefly taking the focus by its continued intricate chords ending with a tone of finality as well. Assuming this guitar is Ue (it probably is), this is almost like he’s reminding Mafuyu that he’s a part of his life now, at least temporarily shifting focus from Yuki but enough to make Mafuyu feel ready to move forward which supports the verse being about them.

It's stopped, but I still want you to forgive me.

After [Ue’s] guitar solo, the guitar transforms back into simple repetitive short strums while drums re-enter to prominently provide the beat. Mafuyu begins softly singing It’s stopped. It’s stopped may not necessarily mean his guilt here as much as it likely means his frozen grief. He’s done being paralyzed by grief. This is confirmed when Mafuyu’s voice shifts to a louder, more pleading sound as he still wants Yuki’s forgiveness regardless of his decision to try to move forward again.

I'm desolated, even if I scream it out you're not here anymore. No matter where I stand, you're always in the scenery.

Here Mafuyu’s resigned to the fact that even if he screams out to Yuki, Yuki won’t ever respond. This also tends to be why people prefer the anime version; that heartbreaking scream where Mafuyu literally let out all his emotions at one time. But if we think about this version, Mafuyu has been screaming the entire time. The wailing guitar sound present on and off throughout the song? - that represents Mafuyu’s screams of agony and how he appears indifferent on the outside but is actually deeply in pain within (which corresponds to the repeated lower and higher sounds of the wailing guitar sound). At this point, we only hear the higher pitch of the wailing guitar in the background, his pain laid bare for the audience to feel.

He continues by saying no matter where he is, Yuki will always be there. Unlike before, however, when those precious memories immobilized him, Mafuyu sings these lyrics firmly, accepting them as he decides to move forward.

A certain winter's story, the sea and the white breaths, soon start to disappear. I wonder if someday I'm going to change.

So this penultimate verse kills me every time. It’s raw, its emotionally charged and it’s just the right amount of hopeful for someone who is trying to move forward. He summarizes his strongest memories with Yuki - when he died, their beach trip and their *ahem* intimate embraces - and how he’s starting to forget parts of those memories. When he ponders I wonder if someday I'm going to change he likely means if he’ll become someone different as the memories fade into the past. That in it of itself is powerful - as much as he knows Yuki will be there in spirit, his presence will be less pronounced in Mafuyu’s life as time passes. They’ve known each other their whole lives and now Mafuyu’s set to live the rest of his life without Yuki physically beside him and I’m sure that although the prospect might scare him, he wonders if he will change.

As mentioned above the main focus is higher pitch of the wailing guitar in the background however, as Mafuyu wonders if he’ll change the higher/lower wailing guitar sounds return, showing how the notion makes Mafuyu uneasy. This sound continues into the last line as well. Additionally, the drums beating incessantly as if to build tension and then become a rhythmic pattern for the last line - the resolution of the tension.

If I could [talk to you again]

Mafuyu ends his song as softly as he began, almost like he’s unintentionally broadcasting his last thoughts through the microphone. He wishes to have understood Yuki’s feelings which doesn’t necessarily point to guilt at this point. He’s not guilty or upset - on the contrary, he misses Yuki and wants to talk to him again, which is how this Mafuyu exists the stage, with the realization that he doesn’t want to say he’s lonely in an effort to convince himself that he’s fine, he wants to tell Yuki about his new life and that feeling is what overwhelms him.

The rhythmic lower and higher pitched wailing guitar is present in the background with the now beating drums but all instruments pause and quickly fade as Mafuyu says he wants to talk to [Yuki] again, providing him the space to arrive at this conclusion unperturbed.

Like the anime, this song represents Mafuyu’s grieving process but in a different way. Here, Mafuyu feels lots of mixed emotions towards Yuki which effectively makes his grieving feel frozen. He works through it by reliving his fondest(?) memories but realizing that time has passed and that he’s ready to be honest with himself. He wants Yuki’s forgiveness but knows he won’t get that - instead, he’ll get Yuki’s lingering spirit. But that, too, shall fade as he develops new memories with his band and Ue. He’s going to change as this happens but even so will still want to be able to talk to Yuki about it because despite everything, Mafuyu misses him.

This song is raw because it reflects how grief isn’t necessarily linear - sometimes, you feel everything at once and that keeps you frozen or you only feel one thing and that’s ok. It’s ok to miss your first love, despite falling in love again. Because moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your first love or using that relationship as a stepping stone - it means loving that person, regardless of their physical state and being able to love anew without trying to replace the person that was lost. Mafuyu will always love Yuki but it doesn’t mean he can’t love Ue just as much either.

#given #given blcd #given anime #given meta #Fuyu no hanashi #Fuyu no hanashi meta #mafuyu satou #first meta peeps so y'know be nice #Tumblr deleted my all the text from my first version when I tried to post via mobile #this was supposed to be posted last week #after having worked on it for a week #so here we are #a week after the anime ended #god I hope someone reads this

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queenofcats17 · 6 years ago

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Unraveled by Timothy Lawrence

I’ve never written anything in the Borderlands fandom, but I saw this post by @0pixer and I guess I’m writing it

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Timothy Lawrence’s life has significantly improved now that Jack is dead and he’s managed to get a job that doesn’t involve killing people. He’s very done with killing people. Rhys has given him a job at ATLAS doing...Well, his official job has something to do with media relations or something. Mostly he makes weird videos where he goes weirdly in-depth about various subjects. Usually books. Sometimes movies. Once he deconstructed a Bunkers and Badasses campaign with the help of Rhys and Vaughn. He’s gained quite a following.

Today, his video opens as it often does, with Tim standing in front of a black background which he may or may not pin pieces of paper to in some strange string board. He’s grown his hair out a bit since joining Atlas, and his ginger hair has started to come back along with his freckles. Today he’s wearing a sweater with a cartoon cat on it.

“As you all probably know, I have an English degree. Before I started working for Jack, I went to school for English. I was going to be a writer.” Tim’s expression is some mix of irritated and existential wondering who his life had ended up this way.

“Anyway,” he clears his throat and continues. “I have an English degree. And today I’m going to use it. To take apart this awful romance novel!” He holds up a book with a giant grin. It looks like something you’d pick up at the drug store and has a stylized illustration of Handsome Jack and a swooning damsel on the front.

“I’m going to tear this apart.” The glee is readily apparent on Tim’s face. He looks absolutely ecstatic to destroy this book, both figuratively and literally. Because he will be burning this once the segment is over. “Despite being told that this is a bad idea and it’s just a book, I’m going to do this anyway!”

“As if we could stop you.” Sasha’s voice comes from off-screen. Tim disregards this, his smile widening.

“Vaughn and Fiona found this while scavenging the charred remains of Helios for supplies.” Tim opens the book, flipping through a few pages. “They were just going to burn it for fuel, but then Fiona read a few pages and it was so bad she brought it back so we could all laugh at it.” He starts giggling in anticipation.

“I kind of remember Jack having these things produced, but, well,” he pauses and lets out an undignified snort. “He had a lot of shitty propaganda produced. I’m pretty sure Rhys owned all of it.”

“I did not!” Rhys’ indignant voice comes from behind the camera.

“Bro, half the stuff in our apartment was Handsome Jack merch.” Vaughn’s voice comes from behind the camera as well. There’s a huff, presumably from Rhys.

“Alright, fine, but I didn’t have that.”

“Well, as an expert on all things Handsome Jack, you wanna tell us how the Jack in this masterpiece measures up to the real thing?” Tim asks with an innocent smile.

“Why would I know?” Rhys asks. “You were the one who worked with him!”

“But you were the one who had him in your head,” Vaughn says. “Oh, I never really asked, but did he see your dick? I always kind of wondered if he did and he made any comments or-” There’s a muffled screaming sound from off-screen, presumably Rhys yelling into a pillow.

“Anyway, let’s move on~,” Tim says in a sing-song voice. “So. First off, what is the plot of this book?” His expression grows comically grim. “That’s very important to talk about if we’re going to tear this thing apart.”

There are various stifled giggles and snorts as the others in the room try to keep themselves together.

“The book follows Felicia, an accountant from Atlas who gets sent to Pandora by her,” he pauses and flips to a page. “‘Horrible heartless bastards of bosses’.”

“Definitely not biased.” Fiona snorts derisively.

“Why would you even suggest that?” Sasha gasps, although it’s clear she’s trying to fight back laughter.

“Felicia has been sent to Pandora to deliver an important document, but she’s a delicate flower who isn’t suited to Pandora’s harsh climate and inhabitants. She can’t survive in this awful awful world.” Tim continues to summarize the book as if it isn’t propaganda disguised as a trashy romance novel. “Almost as soon as she touches down on the planet, bandits kidnap her, sure that her employers will pay handsomely to have her back. But they abandon her to the locals! Felicia is lost in despair until...” He looks dramatically up at the camera. “She’s rescued by none other than Handsome Jack!”

There’s a dramatic gong crash, followed by a panicked yelp.

“Warn me before you do that!” Rhys’ muffled voice hisses.

“Sorry,” Vaughn whispers back.

“Both Jack and Felicia are wary of each other, they are from rival companies after all, but Jack cannot let a defenseless woman suffer in the company of bandits.” Tim bites back a condescending laugh as his showman act starts to break. “So he kills all the bandits, which might be the only thing in this book that actually seems plausible. Anyway, after he kills all the bandits he takes Felicia back to Helios. There’s a lot of that whole enemies to lovers trope, along with Atlas trying to convince Felicia to secretly spy on Jack, but in the end, they fall in love and have a lot of sex. Very very in-depth sex. More in-depth than I am comfortable reading.”

“Is the sex accurate?” Sasha asks. Almost immediately, Tim goes bright red.

“Fuck! I don’t...I don’t know!” He stammers. “It’s not like I watched him have sex!”

“So he didn’t make you have sex for him or anything?” Fiona asks. “I thought he’d have at least one person he made you take his place for. He seems like the kind of asshole who’d do that.”

“He didn’t want me ruining his reputation,” Tim mumbles, still partially hiding behind the book. “He thought I’d get nervous and freeze up. Which, uh, I...I did do a few times.” He quickly shakes his head, taking a deep breath. “But that’s beside the point. The point is, this is an awful book! Not only is the grammar awful, but the story structure doesn’t even make that much sense.”

He puts the book down, dragging in a box with a bunch of pieces of paper inside.

“I’ve written down my complaints,” he starts tacking up pieces of paper on the board with thumbtacks. “Firstly, how did Atlas manage to contact Felicia again after she gets onto Helios? They say in the book that all her Atlas tech is destroyed and go into great pains to describe how the bandits discarded her personal belongings and ripped off her clothes. There’s no way they’d even know she was alive, especially with how many precautions Jack takes to keep people from knowing she’s there. And they don’t even give any explanation for how Atlas figures out she’s on Helios! Second, why on Earth would Jack bring a woman he didn’t even know onto Helios? Sure, he thinks with his dick most of the time, but he didn’t get to be CEO of Hyperion by accident. Do you have any idea how paranoid he was? I couldn’t even take a piss in peace the whole time I worked for him...”

The next few minutes are filled up with Tim picking apart every inaccuracy and issue with the book, with a healthy dose of him complaining about what a dick Jack had been to work for. No one stops him A good portion of his rant is also taken up by him talking at length about how this was not how sex worked.

“Has this person ever had sex? Because this is not how it works. I can count on one hand the number of sexual encounters I’ve had, but none of it was ever like this. I mean, for fuck’s sake! I don’t think this person has ever even seen a vagina, much less tried to bring the owner pleasure!”

The more notes he tacks up on the board, the more disheveled he gets. His sweater is quickly discarded, his hair comes out of its ponytail, and his shirt becomes untucked. Sasha and Fiona can be heard laughing uproariously at various points throughout the video.

“Also! The creatures!” Tim jabs a finger into another note. “This author has obviously never spent any time on Pandora because neither varkids nor skags act anything like this!” He turns briefly away from the board, gesturing to someone offscreen. “Joining me to talk about these inaccuracies is Sir Alistair Hammerlock, whose sister I am both very attracted to and incredibly afraid of!”

“I would very much prefer not to speak of my sister.” Sir Hammerlock walks in, looking a tad uncomfortable. “Saying her name tends to summon her. Like some sort of witch.”

“Then let’s talk about skags and varkids and how they’ll kill you!” Tim says brightly, with an almost unhinged smile.

“Well, that is something I’m more comfortable with.”

Sir Hammerlock launches into a speech about the finer points of skag and varkid biology and behavior. Not all of it is relevant to Tim’s critiques. Most of it is not relevant to Tim’s critiques. But it gives Tim some time to collect himself and look less like an insane professor. And Sir Hammerlock seems so delighted to be talking about the fauna of Pandora.

“In conclusion,” Tim says when Sir Hammerlock has finished. “Please don’t try any of what you read in this book. You will die. Painfully. Probably screaming.”

“Yes. Quite.” Sir Hammerlock nods, glancing at the notes Tim has tacked up and Tim’s still rather disheveled appearance. “I’ll be seeing myself out.”

“We’ll be sending your payment in the mail!” Vaughn calls after him. Tim turns his gaze back to the camera, gleeful and giddy once more.

“This book is so bad.” He giggles. “I hate it so much. Which is what makes this next part even better.”

“Should I get out the trashcan?” Sasha asks.

“Yes. It is time.” Tim’s smile grows. Sasha appears with a large metal trash bin, which she deposits in front of Tim. Tim drops the book into the trash bin and Fiona appears to squirt some sort of liquid inside. It’s quickly clear that this liquid was lighter fluid, as when Tim strikes a match and drops it into the trashcan a pillar of flame shoots up.

“The evil has been cleansed!” Tim cackles, sounding eerily like Jack. He’s illuminated eerily by the raging flames and actually looks a bit menacing. The camera cuts off after this, presumably so that they can put out the fire.

#borderlands #fanfiction #timothy lawrence #rhys the company man #vaughn the money man #sasha the kid sister #fiona the con artist #sir hammerlock

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moviestorian · 6 years ago

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Les Mis BBC final thoughts

Alright, on monday I finished the 6th and last episode of the most recent, mini-series adaptation of Les Misérables. I was slightly hesitant about posting my thoughts (mostly because of the tag being largely dominated by negativity; any effort to post anything else seemed kind of pointless to me), but I eventually decided to go for it. I still wanted the entire show to sit in for a while (I also want to do a rewatch, because I can't guarantee that my feelings remain the same; I might just as well change my opinions completely). But let's begin!

Tldr; Also, unpopular opinion alert: I actually enjoyed it. A lot. I genuinely liked the miniseries. Yes, there were some choices and things I wasn't exactly fond of, but I have the same thing about literally every single adaptation I have seen so far (mostly thinking of the stage musical and 2012 film). Cause you know, you can like something and still see its flaws, and the other way round - you can dislike it and yet admit it is not inherently bad.

Now, the longer "review" comes in. It's gonna be reaaaally long. Also: spoilers.

The negatives/things I'm indifferent about/what could have been better:

- I'm following the popular trend of disliking that font. I care a lot about cinematography and visual parts of films and shows, so I wasn't satisfied with this particular choice. They could do better, honestly.

- For most of the time, the music was a bit meh. Nothing really striking or to hate, but compared to the War&Peace 2016 soundtrack (which was amazing!), this one was very undermining. There were some individual songs I liked a lot, though.

- The overall cinematography was ok. Again, nothing super special, but there were some pretty nice shots, too. I had some minor objections about cgi in a few scenes, but let's that the 2012 film wasn't exactly flawless in this aspect, too... If not worse.

- Ok, confession time & another unpopular opinion alert: I genuinely think the script is not half as bad as some people on this site try to tell everyone and the majority of their issues is either exaggerated to an enormous extent or comes from a huge prejudice. Or a general but pretty clear misinterpretation of certain scenes. Having said that, I had issues with the script, too. Davies did a waaay better job with his W&P, really. Although I actually like some of his changes or narrative choices, there is one thing I can't exactly ignore: how certain scenes were pure exposition. I think it got better in the later episodes, but I spotted at least two(!) examples just in episode one alone. Davies, being the experienced author as he is, should really know that it's not a good way to write scenes, especially in the first episode (which is supposed to encourage the viewers to keep watching). There's nothing more annoying to me than being treated, as a viewer, as a person who needs a straight-in-your-face explaination of what’s happening on screen.

- Another fairly popular trend: the brothel & the wet dream sequences. Even though I expected both of these to be A LOT worse, given what the fandom was saying (exaggerating again), and I don't think they are "out of character" or unrealistic in terms of the setting, I tried to cut these out from the episode (in my head ofc). And I think we could do without them; the brothel scene could remain in the final cut, but I would make it way shorter.

- What I REALLY disliked: a minor thing, but it bugged me a lot. I mean the main dialogue being in English, and the background dialogue in French. Christ, how I hate when they do such stuff in the movies...(thankfully the main characters didn't try to pull off their fake French accent, that would be even worse) Either you do it in French, or in English. One has to be consistent.

- The pissing scene in ep1 was...weird.

- Valjean being mean to Gavroche.

- The timeline was sometimes a bit odd, if not crazy, but could’ve been way worse (nothing can surpass P0ldark and its weirdly ageing children and even more weirdly, or not at all ageing adults)

- Valjean firing Fantine left me with very mixed feelings. On the one hand, I think it makes sense narratively, in this particular adaptation, it’s also not the first one who makes Valjean responsible for Fantine’s misery (to a smaller or bigger extent). On the other one, it’s not a choice I’m super happy about so...

Now, let's move on to the positives!

- Excellent choice in casting. I think all of the actors did a solid job. Obviously they had some veteran, experienced or acclaimed actors like Bradley, Sumpter, Jacobi, Colman, West... You couldn't expect any less from them. BUT there were also some younger and fresh faces, who's interpretations of their characters I really loved - Lily Collins, Erin Kellyman, Reece Yates, Josh O'Connor. Liked Joseph Quinn and Ellie Bamber a lot, too, especially the former. Obviously, I cannot NOT mention David Oyelowo! He was particularly impressive in the last episode.

- You have no idea how grateful I am for the entire Pontmercy storyline, honestly. I have so many feelings about Georges Pontmercy it's not even funny. Also baby Marius!!! Huge props for the Marius/Guillenormand dynamics.

- Fantine's storyline. I love the focus on her in this adaptation, and instead of merely showing her "downfall", we got to see her entire background story and many faces of her character. From naivety and joyful innocent to her determination to survive, and, finally, her desperate attempts to feed her daughter. I love that we got to see a glimpse of her relationship with Cosette. I love that, heartbreaking as that scene was, we got to see the moment of her leaving her child with the Thénardiers. Loved that she was also outspoken at times. I really felt for her in this series. Naturally, I always do have tons of empathy for Fantine, she's one of my favourite characters in general, but I found Lily Collins' version to be particularly relatable.

- Btw: I disagree that Fantine and Cosette were overly "sexualized" or fetishized. And don't even get me started on the supposed "sexual undertones" between Cosette and Valjean, cause this is utter bullshit.

- I actually liked the relationship between Cosette and her Papa, especially when she was little!

- I loved Gavroche in this adaptation. I'm usually not a huge fan of his, but Reece was so charming and impossible to resist!

- All the side characters (good or bad) we finally got to see at least for a while! I already mentioned the Pontmercies, but I also mean: Petit Gervais, Tholomy��s and his gang (+Favourite and Zephine), Azelma, Gavroche's little brothers, Mabeuf, even Victurnien. And Sister Simplice, I love that woman. And Rivette. 😁

- Huge thumbs up for portraying the Thénardiers as the evil/malicious people they were (but not one-dimensional, esp. Madame Th.) instead of as some comic relief only.

- Contrary to the popular opinion, I count Les Amis as the positives. I actually think that narrowing down the number of the students to focus on was a good choice (like, excuse me, but giving a few lines to a character in an ensemble song is not enough to give them personality. Even in the book some hardly had one). And guess what? I legit cared more about this Enjolras or this Courfeyrac than in other adaptations. I liked Quinn's version of Enjolras more than I like Hugo's original character. This is obviously a personal preference, but to me personally Quinn's slightly toned down version, sort of a hybrid of Enjolras and Combeferre was way more appealing (I also think Quinn had more innocence and wide-eyedness in his eyes and face than some most popular actors who have played the role. To me, the accurate hair colour is the least sygnificant thing, honestly. Especially that some of the fans' favourites hardly fit the book description in that aspect).

- The Enjolras/Grantaire execution scene.

- Small interactions between Enjolras and Courfeyrac. Especially the ones in the final moments of the resistance. Oh my...

- Overall, the barricade scenes were very good.

- I liked Marius a lot, which is quite a thing! I loved that we got the awkward, but still adorable side of his. I had seen Josh in The Riot Club and I remember him being good but not memorable; I was impressed with his performance in Les Mis, he was so different!

- Erin's Éponine broke my heart. Especially in episode 5, she was fantastic. So many expressions in her eyes; I loved her fidgety hand moves, too!

- I appreciate that they started the show with something other than the galleys/bishop Myriel. That was a nice and quite refreshing take.

What else do I like about this adaptation? That it revived my passion for Les Mis; that it made me want to reread the book (or certain chapters at least), rewatch the 2012 film, listen to songs from the musical, check out other adaptations. That it’s gonna bring new people to the fandom. And, whether you like it or not, it DOES offer new interpretations of the characters and actually does give a fresh take. Every adaptations gives us something new to discuss, this one included. I also don’t believe it’s the worst thing that ever happened to Les Mis or whatever; I happen to think it actually is a good adaptation overall. Is it flawless or 100% accurate in everything? No, because it’s impossible to turn such a huge and detailed book into a 100% faithful adaptation; also it’s really not what the adaptations are for. I too would have added/cut out some stuff from various versions of Les Mis, but this is because it’s my interpretation; the fact that we imagine some things differently does not mean that other people’s interpretations are bad.

Since films and tv shows belong to the visual media, I think that Les Mis BBC could have done better in that aspect - I wasn’t exactly satisfied with it, as I wasn’t exactly over the moon about some choices in the script. It’s not a masterpiece, but I never expected it to be one; neither it is a “piece of shit”. Despite its flaws, I still found the miniseries to be very enjoyable and I will gladly rewatch it in the near future. I feel that it might even become one of my favourite adaptations(I will decide once I’ve seen them all, or most of them!), save for the interpretation of JVJ, which could’ve been better tbh. For me, it’s a nice 7,5/10

#les miserables 2018 #long post #wera speaks #gotta prepare for the unfollows #les mis bbc

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tolkien-fandom-history · 7 years ago

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Interview with Jenny Dolfen

Much thanks to acclaimed artist Jenny Dolfen for doing this Tolkien-fandom-history interview!

Jenny is a German artist and illustrator. Her art is well known and much admired in the Tolkien fandom. She won the inaugural Tolkien Society award in the category "best artwork" in 2014, for her watercolour “Eärendil the Mariner" and is nominated for that award again this year for her artwork "The Hunt."

Jenny also published a book of her art in 2016. “Songs of Sorrow and Hope” contains sketches and full color artwork dating from 2003-2013. The book includes many of her Tolkien inspired works as well as works inspired by fantasy, mythology and Jenny’s own work “The Rhyddion Chronicles.” It is available in her Etsy store.

Jenny's art can be found on her web page https://goldseven.wordpress.com/galleries/tolkien/ as well as her Etsy page https://www.etsy.com/shop/JennyDolfen and her Patreon site https://www.patreon.com/jennydolfen

She does YouTube tutorials as well--it's fascinating to watch her creations come to life in the videos. https://m.youtube.com/user/GoldSeven/videos

Jenny can also be found here on tumblr @goldseven

(Interview by @maedhrosrussandol)

TFH: When did you originally become involved in Tolkien fandom?

Jenny: I’ve been a Tolkien fan for most of my life (my mother introduced me to the Hobbit when I was six), but I didn’t know there were any other Tolkien fans until I discovered the Internet in the early 2000s.

TFH: What was your initial experience with the online fandom? Did the advent of the LOTR movies have an effect on you?

Jenny: I have treated and still treat the books and the movies as two very different things. The movies interest me as much as any movie I enjoy; the books are a major part of my life. I encountered the Silmarillion fandom around 2003, and above all, was amazed by the fact that there were people who had read it (I had only met one in my life).

TFH: How do you feel the Tolkien fandom has changed since you initially became involved in it?

Jenny: I don’t feel it has changed much. If I had known it before the films, it might be different, but I still see the major groups there that existed in the early 2000s – film fans, book fans (which minor crossovers), fanfic writers, and scholars.

TFH: In the mid-2000s, it often seemed that there were two groups of people creating fan art. There were the artists sanctioned by the Tolkien Estate--Alan Lee, John Howe, Ted Nasmith--who were mostly men, and then there were the so-called "fan artists," who were mostly women. The latter group were also often professional artists and were much more widely embraced by the fanfic community (for example, you and Kasiopea seemed much more instrumental in determining how Silmfic writers saw the characters than Nasmith, and your name is probably more readily recognized by Silm fans today than Nasmith's). Did you perceive this as well? If so, do you have any thoughts on why the Estate and fanworks creators might have had so little overlap in their visions of Middle-earth and its characters?

Jenny: I have actually talked to Ted Nasmith (whom I met at Return of the Ring 2012, a perfectly wonderful bloke!) about this very thing. Ted told me about his illustrated Silmarillion, in which the Estate had been very clear on a policy that follows what we know from the “Big Three” (John Howe, Alan Lee, Ted Nasmith): a lot of location, a bit of characters, and absolutely no monsters!

In a panel at Return of the Ring, which I attended together with Ted, Anke Eissmann, and Ruth Lacon, the same question was asked, and it does seem to fall along gender lines. Typically, characters are more often and more prominently portrayed by women, and many viewing habits seem to follow a similar gender divide on the audience’s side. It makes sense, then, that the Tolkien Estate, under the firm influence of Christopher Tolkien, would favour the a more setting-oriented approach that depicted the scope and poetry of his father’s work, while other artists explored the characters in a more intimate and obscure way.

TFH: I'm interested in your experience with both the artistic and writing sides of the Tolkien fandom. Were there differences in the respective fandoms when you first became involved and in the response to your works in the two mediums?

Jenny: I have always kept a slight distance to much of the fanfic side. There are several fanfics I have enjoyed, but even in some of the ones I did, slash was never far away, and it just makes me uncomfortable. (The fact that it’s mostly gay sex is secondary, incidentally. I simply feel that sex in the exploration of those characters is as irrelevant as exploring their, say, bathroom habits. I may be pretty alone in this as a female recipient of Tolkien’s work, but his characters strike me as rather asexual on the whole.)

On the art side, I find that the response from and interaction with the fandom has been overwhelmingly positive from all sides. I have formed long-lasting friendships with other artists and fans.

TFH: There has been tremendous expansion of artistic interpretations of Tolkien’s work in recent years--through Tumblr, DeviantArt, weibo--how do you continue to reach your audience and interact with those who have an interest in your art?

Jenny: I consider myself very lucky, in that I have stayed in contact with a large and wonderful group of people over all these years. I had the good fortune of being recognized quite early on, and while there has been some fluctuation, an amazingly strong core of my audience has stayed with me.

TFH: In what other Tolkien-related events, gatherings or challenges do you participate? How is it interacting with fans at such events?

Jenny: I try to make it to the major local events – Tolkien Tag, organized by the Dutch and German Tolkien Societies – and I’ll be at the (British) Tolkien Society’s Tolkien 2019 event in Birmingham next year. Apart from that, my job as a teacher and my two young children mean I can’t travel much.

I hugely enjoy those events – to interact with other fans usually feels like a breakaway together with people I rarely meet in the “real world”.

TFH: What drew you to Professor Tolkien's work originally?

Jenny: I have loved mythology from a very young age, devouring classical, Germanic and medieval folk tales since primary school, so Tolkien fell squarely into those preferences, and continued to do so when I got older and became a student of literature rather than just a consumer of Fantasy books.

TFH: Which of his characters are your favorites? Why?

Jenny: It will come as absolutely no surprise that it’s Maedhros son of Feanor. He stuck in my head even when I first read the Silmarillion, standing out against that huge cast of often-confusing people. He’s like a Greek tragic hero, trying to do the right thing and striving to justify his means, and dragging everyone else into ruin with him. His fate is heartbreaking, and I love heartbreaking tales.

TFH: Why do you love Tolkien's universe? What inspires you?

Jenny: It’s always been mostly about the characters, but I find that, as I get older, other aspects of the legendarium speak to me more strongly than before. When I was a child, I used to skip the descriptions of landscape; today, I both read them closely, and find that I appreciate beauty in nature far more than I used to, which I then translate into my art (my older work, up until I was about twenty, usually featured characters standing around in a perfect white void).

TFH: To what extent do you think it is important for a fanfiction writer or fan artist to follow and respect the original author's work and concepts?

Jenny: First off, I think for a fan creator, there are, by definition, no such constraints. Preference is another matter entirely. Personally, I enjoy writings and works of art that, in my subjective view, feel close to what Tolkien might have meant, and thus strike a chord with me.

When we extend that question to any matter that is supposed to be a more general representation of the original work, I feel it’s essential to be faithful to a common theme and feel. If we take Peter Jackson’s movies, I do think that he managed it in many places in the Lord of the Rings; his Hobbit, from what I have seen of it (I haven’t watched the second and third films), felt weirdly like the output of an Instagram creator whose fanbase latches on to a very small part of his original body of work, and who then suddenly starts churning out more of the same, comical, self-referred spoofs which feel like a continuation to him and to his base but really leave most of the essence behind for everyone else.

TFH: Which was the most unexpected occasion, the most unusual platform where you have ever encountered one of your artworks?

Jenny: Thaaaaaaat would have been a Russian porn site. I get around, you know.

TFH: Which one of your drawings is most special to you and why?

There are a lot of drawings I’m very attached to. “In pain and regret” is probably far up the list, as are the more recent “The Hunt” and “And the Orcs fled before his face”. The one I’ll mention here has to be one where I, probably accidentally, nailed Maedhros’ face for the first time. I drew it in 1995, when I was twenty, and I remember that this was a piece that told me that I was still improving. As a young artist, you often think that one day, you’ll be a grown-up, and that’s that. At twenty, I had just moved away from home, and had subconsciously felt that I was now finished, feeling some regret at the belief that my art would no longer improve – and suddenly I realized how wrong I’d been. It was an eye-opener for me, artistically.

The artworks and book referenced in this interview are as follows

Jenny Dolfen's book "Songs of Sorrow and Hope" featuring the cover art of Maglor "The harp no longer sings":

"Earendil the Mariner":

The 1995 artwork referenced:

"And the orcs fled before his face":

"The Hunt":

"In pain and regret":

#tolkien fan art #tolkien fandom history #brilliant artwork #artist interview #lord of the rings #the silmarillion #tolkien

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iliveonthenet · 7 years ago

Note

4, 6, 16, & 17 for fic writer asks

Aaaah, thank you. You and @kathwolfie never disappoint.

4: what time of the day/night do you like to write?

I like to write the most when it’s dark outside. Or maybe rather - I like to write in the dark. Usually I’m sitting only with the laptop on, sometimes I have a scented candle lit or just a dim lamp with warm light.

So, well, I’d say that evening and night would be a good answer to this question. It also fits with how wild my imagination gets when I go to bed at night (though that’s true probably for almost everyone).

6: hardest/easiest character to write for?

Since I (try to) write mostly for two fandoms so I’ll answer for each of them.

HaikyuuThe hardest character to write is probably Daichi. It’s not like I worry about how I portray him but, more often than not, I’m just stuck when it comes to him. Writing Talking Body was a torture.The easiest character is Tsukishima. I relate to him a lot, am angry and disappointed with their life nerd that puts a mask on and is a snarky asshole like him, so, well, yeah.

VoltronThe hardest is Hunk. I’m never sure how to approach him. Am I making him mean enough? Is he soft enough? Too much innocence? Will he support this stupid idea or call someone out on it? The easiest is Lance. Once again - I relate to him so fucking much that it’s scary. Even more than to Tsukishima. Like, with proper approach, after some debate, you could debunk that I’m similar to Tsukishima. But with Lance? Uh, oh, no way, Nat is Lance, you can’t help it. It’s so easy to write Lance, words always flow so fast and it leaves me really satisfied. Though, to be honest, Keith isn’t much harder to write either.

16: do you ever hand write? why or why not?

No. Nope. Not at all. I don’t even hand write much in general and with fics it never happens.

First of all - I have a shitty writing. To be honest, after some time, even I can have troubles with reading some stuff that I wrote myself. If I do make notes I always try to take them using only capital letters since these are easier to read (but, weirdly, it takes me more time to write this way and I make more mistakes while doing so).

The second, most important reason is… I am too fucking lazy. Like, if I write a fic I want to publish it online after finishing it. And the mere thought of typing stuff from the notebook to my laptop makes me cringe.

17: do you listen to music while you write?

Yes! To be honest, I almost always listen to music so it’s not that different from my usual. But! I always try to listen to something that fits the mood of the fic that I’m writing at the moment. Or maybe rather - the scene in question.

Two examples:When I was writing Underneath (Klance), there was only Bonobo’s Surface on repeat when I was working on the training deck part.The one and only song in the background, like, really, I haven’t listened to anything else, while I was writing Little Summer (TsukiYama) was, well, Little Summer by Spyair.

Questions from here.

#personal #replies

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chrishoulihan · 8 years ago

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FYF ADVENTCHEA

So this shit turned into a fucking novel, I’m putting it under a cut and it’s just as much for my own recollection as it is for anyone who wants to hear about my festival weekend. Get into it

So I arrived in LA on Thursday morning after my flight was delayed by an hour and ended up getting there at the exact same time as Anna A @yourveryeyes which was fortuitous! We took a Lyft to Exposition Park to pick up her wristband for the festival, wandered around a little bit, and ended up taking the Metro downtown to meet up with Kylie @electric-candyman who was GREAT TO MEET and was also going to the festival, and her friend Chris who doesn’t have a Tumblr afaik and was going to both FYF and the Planetarium show that night. We went to MOCA which was pretty sweet, they had a Rothko room and a few Rauschenberg pieces that were really cool to see in person. After that Anna and I split off to go to Hollywood and check out Amoeba on our way to Sufjan and that was obviously amazing, I didn’t have enough space in the bags I packed to buy any records (which was by design, my broke ass can’t afford to drop a lot of money on vacation and you can’t waste money on stuff if you don’t have room to carry it home *tapping head guy meme*) but I bought a little heart-eyed cat emoji pin as a souvenir and I definitely wanted to buy 5000 things I couldn’t have.

From there we went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery for Planetarium and met up with Anna L @louisdebumhole ANN- SQUAD REUNITED HELL YEAH. We got to the cemetery and went in all together like over an hour after the doors opened but since it was a lawn show there was still barely anyone lined up at the stage by the time we got there and we got just behind the rail?? AMAZING. I haven’t had the opportunity for rail at a Sufjan show since the Christmas pageant in 2012. Chris showed up not too long after us and joined us right by the stage and Anna L’s friend was there on the rail too so it was a party.

OBVIOUSLY PLANETARIUM WAS INCREDIBLE. My dumb ass forgot to save my Instagram story so I don’t have any of my own videos but it was so great. Sufjan wore his stupid beautiful clashing pajama suit and some fuckin moon boots and he looked fabulous and sang like an angel and said a lot of nonsensical inspirational stuff (like this which is the only video I managed to salvage.) The whole record sounds even richer and fuller live; Jupiter, Moon, and Venus sounded especially amazing. AND fun fact, Matt Berninger was there and watched the entire show from the left side of the stage! My indie dad Matty B supporting his homies!! I also got a setlist after the show ended, which was exciting even though of course it’s literally just a list of planets and in the exact same order as the record lmao. But it’s my first Sufjan-related setlist and I will cherish it forever.

So we got back to Anna L’s house I think around midnight that night and by then I had been awake for like 21 hours so I was exhausted and basically passed out as soon as I could. Next day was the START OF FYF and Anna A/Kylie/Chris and I decided that we wanted to go for Bjork rail, since she was the first act on the main stage on Friday and there weren’t really any other bands playing before her elsewhere that we were dying to see. Before we went to the festival Anna A and I hung out with her friend Jen who was great, we got boba and then went downtown to The Last Bookstore, which was bomb, and had lunch at Grand Central Market. Got to the festival about half an hour before the gates opened, made it through the long ass queue, and went immediately to the main stage where we got basically center-right just behind the rail!! For fucking Bjork!!! Commence freaking out for the next three hours. Chris and Kylie showed up later right behind us and it was such a fun and easy queueing experience for me, everyone around us was super chill and everyone was so hype to see Bjork that we pretty much just looked out for each other and bonded over our mutual fandom. Anna and I had intended to see Bjork together in NYC back in 2015 but it got cancelled so this was a LONG TIME COMING and I’m so glad that we were able to make it happen.

So Bjork was the first set of my whole festival weekend and honestly it was one of the best performances I’ve ever seen?? SHE WAS AMAZING and I knew I was gonna be emotional but I wasn’t fucking prepared for how surreal and incredible it felt to hear THAT VOICE in person and to be that close to her while it happened. Unreal. She had Arca with her as her DJ and a whole string ensemble, and she came out wearing a glow in the dark lime green headdress mask thing and a huge puffy dress that made her look like a beautiful pinata. Everything about it was fucking perfect; she did at least one song from every record except Vespertine. Multiples from Vulnicura/Homogenic/Post, Come to Me, Mouth’s Cradle, Wanderlust, Mutual Core. Fucking awesome. Favorites for me were probably Joga (CRIED), Mouth’s Cradle (fuckin bomb arrangement and a huge surprise), Isobel & Bachelorette (two of my all time faves), Notget and Hyperballad which had LITERAL FIREWORKS AND FIREBALLS going off onstage behind her?? What the fuck?? Amazing. And it was the most fun and loving group of people on the rail I’ve ever been part of; everyone around me was so genuinely excited and emotional and singing along and I could FEEL THE LOVE.

So that was an amazing start to the festival obviously and after Bjork we met up with Anna L and went straight to go see Anderson Paak who I missed BOTH TIMES he was here in Portland last year because I’m an idiot, and WOW he is so great live!! I’m actively offended that he is not my boyfriend tbh, he has the most beautiful and infectious smile I’ve ever seen on a human being. Big ol dance party up in the lawn stage. After that we went back to the main stage to watch Missy Elliott for a while and that was a lot of fun; found out after the fact that Bjork and fucking BEYONCE were watching off stage, so like, now I can say I have been in the presence of Beyonce. Went to Flying Lotus early which was the last set of the night to get a good view, with our sweet Flylo-branded 3D glasses obv. Flylo was amazing as always and the 3D show was awesome, I hope he takes it on the road cause that shit was fire. I’m also really into the mystical shaman look he seems to be cultivating lately lmao, and he looks cute as hell with the longer hair!! One of the biggest highlights of the whole weekend for me was when he started the Captain Murphy stuff, got one verse through The Killing Joke, and then was like “you know what fuck this I changed my mind, I want to do this song cause I never get the chance to do it” and fucking busted out with COSPLAY, which is only my favorite Captain Murphy track ever!!! I wasn’t expecting it cause it’s pretty obscure even for the Captain Murphy stuff and I lost my goddamn mind it was so much fun. (Gotta say though that the longer he keeps riding out Murphy tracks from 2012 at his live shows, the more egregious it is that he still hasn’t fuckin dropped a Murphy album or any substantial Murphy release since then. Come on bro. I’ve been waiting 5 years) ANYWAY so that was great of course. Day One = big success.

Day Two! Before we went to the festival that day we met up and had lunch with Anna L’s bf Jesus, who had a Saturday/Sunday festival pass and is a lovely man with great taste in music and cat photos and baseball caps. First set of the day for me was Thundercat and it was my SIXTH time seeing him live, which is hilarious (gonna be 7 times in September.) One of the first things he said to the crowd after getting on stage was “you guys look like you smell weird,” which was accurate. Obviously he’s always great live and I loved getting to hear more of the Drunk songs since the last time I saw him. He’s also rocking some pretty sweet neon pink dreads right now. Caught the end of Noname’s set with Anna A and Chris afterwards and really enjoyed it! I want to check out her album now cause she was great. Grabbed some food and then the whole crew met up together again to see Perfume Genius – GORGEOUS. I’d never seen him live before and he’s so captivating to watch. His performance of Slip Away to close the set was one of my favorites of the whole weekend.

After that I ended up splitting up with everyone, watched some of Arca’s set but ended up leaving to go hang out on the lawn before Erykah Badu because my feet were killing me and I really needed to sit down and recharge. Erykah was supposed to go on at 9:50; cut to 10:15 and she still hasn’t gone on and I was already planning on cutting out of her set at 10:30 to try and snag a semi decent spot for Frank Ocean, so I said fuck it and bailed to go do that. BUMMED I DIDN’T GET TO SEE HER TBH I was really looking forward to it. But it’s kinda good that I left sooner rather than later because the main stage was already pretty packed by 10:30 for Frank. I got an okay spot to the right of the stage probably about 10+ rows back from his platform catwalk thing, and it was easily the most crowded audience I was in all weekend. Talk about being packed like sardines it was madness, if I had showed up like 10 minutes later than I did I would have had an absolutely shit view.

So like…..FRANK FUCKING OCEAN. Never ever thought the day would come that I’d see him live, and the whole experience was so incredibly special to me. I DEFINITELY cried buckets when he sang Lens, which has weirdly become one of my all time favorite tracks in the last few months, and Ivy really really got to me out of nowhere too. Literally everyone around me within earshot sang along to every single word of every song and it was amazing. He played an unreleased cover of some old school funk track that was absolute straight fucking fire, me and the girl next to me danced our asses off together. That shit better get an official release on his radio show like he said he was planning!! Also Brad Pitt was on stage at one point and that was HILARIOUS tbh I wish I had gotten any sort of video of that myself, but the way the wasted dude behind me shouted “WHAT THE FUUUCK” when he popped up on screen will remain fresh in my memory forever. The whole show was gorgeous and I just LOVE FRANK OCEAN!!! I want him to tour so bad so I can actually plan out a scenario where I can get rail for his show and have a better view.

Aaaand Day Three. Got to the festival kinda lateish because the first act the Ann- Squad wanted to see wasn’t till after 6 (Little Dragon), so once we got there we took some photos and wandered around a bit, met back up with Chris and Kylie and took these majestic photobooth pictures, and then Anna A and I went to Little Dragon early for a good spot. I had never seen them before and it was a blast, just a total dance party. They mostly played stuff from Season High which was fine by me cause that album fuckin bangs. Then mood whiplash when we went straight from Little Dragon to Moses Sumney lmao. We got to Moses’ set right when he started our mutual fave Lonely World, serendipitous tbh!! He is beautiful and I loooove the lighting setup he’s got going for his show, it felt really unique to me among the loud dancey festival fare.

After that we went back to the main stage for Solange, which was great; I’m not as familiar with her music as I could be tbh but I really enjoyed how conceptual and dance-oriented her show was. At one point a whole massive brass section streamed in out of nowhere just for one song and it was fuckin awesome. Towards the end of Solange’s set Kylie texted me to say that if we hurried there was still a little bit of rail space left for Run the Jewels in fifteen minutes, to which we were immediately like UHH YES WTF and hustled our way the fuck over – made it in time, got just behind the rail for motherfucking Run the Jewels right before they went on somehow, *Killer Mike voice* goddammit it’s a motherfucking miracle. Give Kylie 5000 gold medals tbh. And RTJ ended up being probably my favorite non-headlining set of the weekend, SO MUCH FUN. The crowd was fucking nuts, everyone around me was going stupidly hard, and I discovered that I know pretty much every word of RTJ3 lmao. The only thing that could have made it more perfect would have been if they’d done Panther Like A Panther, WHICH THEY DIDN’T and was greatly missed by me. But it was amazing. I’m kind of in love with El-P’s ridiculous ass tbh.

Last show of the weekend – Nine Inch Nails!! Who I love!!!!! And hadn’t seen live in almost four years!!!!!! I’m always fucking trash for Nine Inch Nails honestly, their live shows just turn me into a raging dancing idiot and this was no exception. ‘Wish’ will always be one of my favorite songs to hear live from any band ever. Also got to hear Something I Can Never Have and Reptile for the first time ever for me which was awesome!! Bold move of Trent to throw in Something I Can Never Have as the fourth song in a festival set but I was loving it. Like I said yesterday I randomly lost my fucking mind to The Hand That Feeds lmao, I was actually jumping around like a moron. The newer songs were great too, Field On Fire FUCKING BANGS live holy shit. Basically it was just so great to cap off the weekend with band that I’ve loved for ten years and are always fucking immaculate live. And then when it was all over I got chicken strips and fries and walked out of the festival with the fam eating my delicious food. Perfection.

So that was my weekend and I honestly could not have dreamed of having a better time. I’m so so glad that I was able to do this, see some of my favorite bands with an awesome group of people who love music just as much as I do, get out of town and clear my head, and find some healing at a time when I really needed it. I feel very lucky.

#gonna post some video comps later today

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iamthechocobabe · 8 years ago

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Don’t Wait Too Long

Okay, soooooo, I have NEVER posted anything I’ve written online before, though I’ve written quite a few things, including an Prompto soulmate AU based on @nifwrites We Intertwined series, but seeing as how I’m horrifically shy (as you’ll see was the inspiration to this post, heh heh), I figured I would post one of my own oneshots to test the waters and see what people thought of my writing before I posted that. I’m new to the FFXV fandom, so be nice, please? I feel weirdly proud of this because I feel it relates to me on a personal level (duh).

The song the oneshot is based around is How Soon Is Now by The Smiths (though I prefer the cover by Love Spit Love).

Sooo, yeah enjoy :)

Don’t Wait Too Long

Word Count: 2,035

PromptoXReader

SFW

You've gone through all your nervous ticks in a minute; you bit your nail for a few seconds, then you bounced your leg, then you bit your lip-it was as if your body was trying to find what made you most comfortable before settling on a habit. Your body finally seemed to settle with picking the skin around your nail while leaning against a wall and looking around the small room of elite aristocrats. Just thinking about how much you stood out made you want to rip the skin around your nails clean off but you managed to find the strength to resist.

You hadn't really wanted to go to this party tonight-it was some rich kids birthday party and he had invited everyone in his graduation class. But the past two years in college had made you become a hermit and you thought it would be healthy to get out and try to socialize...that clearly wasn't happening though. No one's even glanced at you since you got there, they probably didn't even remember you.

You reach into your purse and grab your mp3 player and stick your headphones in your ears. You may as well have music while you people watch-everytime you thought about socializing, it made your skin crawl so you thought maybe putting on some music would help calm your nerves. It was probably your way of avoiding people, but...whatever.

The first song that plays on your mp3 is horrifically ironic-no one knew how old the song was and didn't really know where it came from. It was found in an old archive three years earlier and had been played on the radio for giggles but you were so enraptured by how much you and this song had in common that you had found a way to convert it to your mp3 player. No one even knew who sang it, all you knew were the words.

I am the son I am the heir You smile softly and mouth the lyrics to the next part. Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar.

You seemed to suffer from a shyness so intense that your only friend was a girl who had moved to Lastallum while you were in elementary school. You hadn't had the courage to make another friend since...you hated it but you also enjoyed your solitude.

A group of kids eating at a small table nearby notice you and look at you strangely for a second before going back to whatever mundane topic they were talking about.

I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You ignore the group and move from your spot to go to a pillar and lean against it-another group nearby notices you and starts pointing and giggling at your blatant ignorance of everyone in the room before moving away from you as if you carried some shyness disease.

You shut your mouth how can you say I go about things the wrong way?

You notice another group of people and remember how earlier, they were talking about one of your favorite books. You considered going over there and introducing yourself because you wondered if you had some other things in common besides your taste in literature. But how to start a conversation like that? They would probably just think you were weird anyway...

I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does.

There's a sudden tonal shift in the room as everyone's gazes strain towards one end of the room towards the door. Sure enough, the Prince and his...friends? Bodyguards? You weren't sure what they were-they had walked into the room and everyone was gushing at their good looks, intelligence, etc. They were about to leave to go to Altissia so the Prince could marry the Oracle Lunafreya, so they were probably enjoying their last week as free birds.

You were gazing for a different reason though-not at the Prince or his intelligent friend or his tough, muscular bodyguard. No, you were gazing at what you considered the prince of sunshine and hope, a boy that seemed to get along with anyone and everyone, a boy that was friends with practically everyone in the room. A boy you had started crushing on your last year of school.

Prompto Argentum immediately started greeting people and taking photos of everything he felt were necessary, party goers, decorations, the DJ...his general attitude seemed to brighten the room. People were always somehow relaxed around him and while he wasn't always the most social butterfly, he was still pretty social. He was everything you wanted and never could be.

There's a club if you'd like to go, You could meet somebody who really loves you.

The group who had snickered at you earlier were now huddling closer to you to get a closer look at the prince and his group-uncomfortable by the sudden crowd, you start to walk away and try to find another spot to lean against. Were you an angsty teen? You didn't care, at this point.

You didn't look where you were going, though and wind up bumping into the guy with glasses just as the prince's group was walking by-one of your earbuds had come loose so you were able to hear the dead silence at the gall someone had to actually approach the group and how the sudden dead silent awkwardness fell around all of you. You found yourself frozen to the spot as the prince's group stared at you, like they weren't sure what to think of you.

"My apologies," the guy-you think his name was Ignis-said.

"Hey, I know you," Prompto came up next to Ignis and smiled at you. "What was your name again? We went to school together, didn't we?"

So you go, Say something. and you stand on your own, Say. Something. and you leave on your own, "Sorry," and you go home, You turn and walk away as quickly as possible. and you cry, You find the bathroom towards one end of the room and duck inside. and you want to die.

You spend almost an hour in the bathroom-the only thing you could think of when you left was what they-everyone- would say when they saw you again. 'Oh, how rude', 'wow, she has some serious issues', and the like. You considered waiting until the party ended and leaving then, but who knew how long that would be? These rich kid parties tended to last awhile, until the early hours of the morning sometimes. You could just suck it up and face everyone or you could just head out while no one was looking and leave as quickly as you could and just go home. You should't have come to this party, it was a stupid idea anyway.

Or you could go out and...talk to people, the back of your brain said.

When you say it's gonna happen now, when exactly do you mean?

You try to force the songs stupid lyrics out of your mind and decide to just duck out while you can; you leave the bathroom stall you were hiding in and exit the girls bathroom and start heading towards the exit. On the way, you notice Prompto and the rest talking to a group of people-of course they happened to be right by the exit but they seemed to be preoccupied with something about Prompto's camera. As you drew closer, you discover that Prompto had dropped his camera and was whining how it wasn't working right.

You knew about cameras, you know you can fix it...this was your chance to be social. Go up, introduce yourself...

You can’t.

You exit the room where the party was, breathing a sigh of relief at a break from the constant noise. You weren't aware that the noise was making you anxious until you got out of the noisy room and into the quiet...the quiet solitude of loneliness that you were so used to.

See, I've already waited too long, and all my hope is gone.

You text the car service your college provided that you needed a ride; the automated service texted back saying it would take at least an hour...great.

"This cost me a fortune," the doors to the room had opened and you hear a familiar voice whining. "I can't believe this,"

"It still takes pictures, doesn't it?" the prince asks.

"Not in the filter that I want-HEY!" when Prompto saw you, he yelled and ran to you and you can't help the fear creeping up on you. You feel desperate to run away but he stops and blushes a little, before smiling at you awkwardly. "Sorry I yelled, I just remembered who you were,"

You bite your lip and try to speak, but you can't think of what to say.

"Do you remember? Our last year of school? We bumped into each other in the hallway and I dropped my camera-you probably don't remember but after you walked away in the party, I remembered where I recognized you from,"

You stare at him awkwardly. "You...you remember that?" you said softly.

"What?" Prompto said. "I couldn't hear you, can you speak up a bit?"

"I said...never mind," you say a bit louder.

Prompto stared at you for a few seconds and started blushing furiously and looked away. "I...anyway, I'm glad I ran into you though," he smiled an awkward smile at you. "I used to see you around at school all the time, but you never really talked much. I don't think we've ever been properly introduced-I'm Prompto Argentum,"

You stare at his hand for a second before taking it and softly telling him your name. Prompto smiles and holds up his camera. "New friendship means picture time!" He holds the camera at an upward angle so he can take a picture of you two together in the photo. You hesitate, but smile awkwardly with your lips closed and after a click, he looks at the photo and smiles contently. "Pretty cool-wanna look?"

You nod and look at the picture-the angle was high enough to get a good picture of the two of you together and his cheesy smile somehow complimented your awkward smile.

"Lookin' good," Prompto smiles, proud of himself for taking a good picture; his finger brushed against the button that goes to the history of photos. The camera switches to a different picture that has you in awe and blushing like crazy.

It's a picture of you in the room at the party, leaning against the pillar with your headphones in-the lights hit you in a way that makes your hair and face glow and your face looks thoughtful as you people watch. It was actually a pretty good picture and if it wasn't of you, you would have been impressed.

"Uh, right, let's put the pictures away," Prompto puts down the camera and his whole body turns bright red.

"You show her the stalker picture you took?" The prince, Noctis, called from where he was standing. He and the rest of them had been standing by the doors to the party and were watching the event between you two take hold, though they weren't close enough to really hear what you were saying.

Prompto somehow managed to blush even more. "Dude, shut up! Come on," Prompto grabbed your arm softly and gently pulled you towards the small group that consisted of the three boys and some other students they had known in school. "I'll introduce you,"

Your heart’s pounding...you can do this...you can do this...

“I know how to fix your camera,” you blurted it out so fast that it was all one big tangle of words and you want to smack yourself for not speaking more clearly.

Prompto doesn’t ridicule you, he doesn’t look at you like you’re weird.

He smiles and hands his camera to you.

I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.

#prompto argentum #prompto #promptoxreader #sfw #oneshot #ffxv #ffxv fanfiction #ffxv oneshots #AAAAAAAHHHHH NOOOO I ACTUALLY POSTED IT #BE COOL BE COOL BE COOL

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jefardi · 8 years ago

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Not my story, just wrote a review that broke the character limit on Ao3 thrice over. So posting that here. @okapifeathers

Cool, awesome and Bravo!

This is going to be a long review, so strap yourself in!

Disclaimer: I thoroughly enjoyed this story and any critiques I make are with the best intentions of helping self-improvement. Also, I tend to jump around topics a lot, sorry (not sorry)

Let me take a bit of backstory before I begin the review proper;

I honestly was just browsing tumblr idly when I came into the NicoMaki tag out of pure boredom… I want to say either 3 or 4 days ago. Discovering that this was my jam happened fairly quickly and lo and behold I ended up searching invariably for fanfic on Ao3 (which, honestly was only because I was doing it mobile, else I would be using FF.net…). Love Novels (which a friend farrrr more into Love Live then I am, has pointed out is a song name, which I had not the faintest clue) was the first long formatted story I read in the Love Live Fandom. I’ve read a few Hogwarts AU for the same pair but that’s it. Nothing else.

To a certain degree, I think this is why I’m so enamored with this story; I have no pre-conceived notions or head canons that it could realistically conflict with… oddly enough, the reason I have trouble even reading RWBY fanfiction nowadays, is because I write my own, which then makes incompatible head canons with others’. To put it simply, I can hear Nico or Maki talking in your story exactly as they do in the dub (because I’m a scrub who can’t understand Japanese…).

Perhaps what draws me the most to this pairing is one of the things that stand out the most, that is to say, the way you do the chemistry between Maki and Nico.

That is the biggest selling point, one that all other stories I read after this for this fandom will have to hold themselves to; having dialogue that flows and ebbs like the way you write it. The back and forth that happens so naturally between two characters with misaligned world views or clashing personalities.

Very often in writing, especially in fanfiction, authors have a bad tendency to not understand or have trouble differentiating between saying something in-character or just having the character be a mouthpiece to what needs to be said. Which in turn breaks the suspension of disbelief that these are real, organic characters. Characters that exist just as well as any average person off the street. The manner in which you write them completely side jumps that.

With that out of the way, lets dive in, shall we?

You handled the slow burn extremely well, in fact it was rather incredible. I think the strongest point, though possibly the oddest to me, was how to handle Maki’s end of the romance. Throughout the first half (or was it 12 chapters? It blurs a bit to me), there was a lot of build up on Nico’s end, making the audience very firmly know her point of view of the dynamic. Yet Maki’s view…. Was, how to put this, rather vague?

Perhaps that was intentional, but it certainly seemed like that we weren’t given a clear understanding of what she thought of Nico until way, way later. At first this was a non-issue, seeing as it was thought/implied that she didn’t have feelings for her and it was a one-sided romance (poor Nico), except once Christmas hit, that all changed. It was weirdly jarring how Maki suddenly went from no clue to “yup, I’ve always had these feelings wheeeeeee”

On the one hand, it seems that Maki wasn’t thinking about it up until then because she was flying by the seat of her pants once school started, yet I can’t help but think back to when they are in Nico’s apartment, in the first chapter, eating cake. That is when Maki is not quite stressed, yet it’s not even something she brings up, when its later implied she thinks heavily on it.

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, except your story relies heavily on introspection. In some ways, that might be an even bigger selling point then the interactions between the main characters; it is enlightening and amazing, and does exposition dumping far better and less jarring then any other way, especially since Maki is more of a introvert by her nature. Yet, by this very fact, the very fact that it isn’t brought up in introspection early one is a weird one, especially in hindsight.

This segue ways into the next thing I noticed; the way the introspection messes with the pacing.

Now that might be subjective on my end, but during the whole course of this, you’d have bits of dialogue with huge chunks of introspection. There was a tendency on my end to keep skipping the introspection to find the next dialogue, which resulted in a lot of rereading something.

The other issue I ran into during the pacing was how much it jumped around. One moment we’d be going through a very long scene and then line break, and it skims through the next several weeks. To a degree, I understand brevity is the soul of wit, but at the same time, it was beyond frustrating when this happened at several points of the story. If you want, I can go back and find though I think it’s a lost cause at this point, given that having already read it, my eagerness to jump ahead is sated haha.

Other pacing issues; this was a big one for me, but sometimes you’d have very important things happen… and then format in such a way that it didn’t pop out immediately. Again, possibly personal preference for me, but when Maki’s dad calls before the birthday, its like a sentence in the middle of the paragraph, and I swear I missed it twice before I could figure out why Maki was freaking out. This happened a few times, where a important thing that should, by all rights, have its own line, being jammed into the middle of a paragraph.

Another one of the strongest points of the story was honestly how you handled Maki and Nico’s ship sailing.

While I might have railed on it a bit, I certainly enjoyed it when it wasn’t some awkward confession, or having to watch Maki’s feelings develop and effectively watching the story drag, but instead by revealing she has always had them… that made it good. Like really good. Like A+++++ give yourself a cookie, go to start and collection a thousand dollars kind of good.

Swinging back around to the interactions, between Maki and Nico, there are some of their exchanges which made me burst out with ugly laughter. Like holy shit dude, good shiiiit. Personal favourites are of course, the time when Maki attempts to make breakfast and drops it and Nico just deadpans “well, I’m sure the floor appreciates the meal.” Another, which while its not quite nicomaki, it is related, is Nico’s realization that she has indeed left Maki home. Alone. And her kitchen might not be standing when she gets back.

There are a lot of interactions that you wrote, that I just flat out found hilarious, okay? :P

Skipping back to critiques, I think there was one moment that stuck with me… not because it was amazing but because it was ultimately one of the most unsatisfying in it. The moment where Maki goes “they know.” It’s quite obviously cliffhanger material, but nothing is quite as much a punch in the gut as getting to the next chapter and realizing that the worry that Nico has is essentially worthless (not completely, but you get what I mean). It’s akin to seeing an episode of something and ending with major developments… only for It to get regened as a dream at the beginning of next episode. Maybe I’m being a bit overly harsh but that’s what it felt like to me.

Wow, okay, I’m at 1400 words. That’s, um, huh. More then I’ve done in a long while.

Moving on…

As a story, and from my own personal experience of trying to write semi-realistic slowburn, there is something that I have to say I’m most envious of and that is the way that you created drama within the story.

For instance, the way Maki’s father is set up.

For all intents and purposes, he is the primary antagonist, or as close as we get to one. He is the one that Maki is the most concerned with, the one that continually gives Maki stress like you wouldn’t believe, the one who basically drives her to the point of several mental breakdowns and a panic attack or two. Yet for all of this, outside of the final chapter, I don’t think he says more then maybe… 10 or 15 lines? Rather it’s the looming possibility that makes him such a negative force. Realistically, he can’t do all that much to harm Maki. I mean, he COULD, but I feel like that’d be a whole another type of story.

In that way, this story is very much about Maki failing to meet her father’s expectations. Its not something grandiose like saving the world or the school, nor is it about her father blowing up. Rather its infinitely a much smaller and larger thing. Perhaps the glory of it all is that he doesn’t need to be. In fact there is real no conflict besides what Maki sets up for herself. No external forces conspiring against them, just what Maki thinks would make her father happy.

To be perfectly honest, the moment Nico rang the doorbell, I was so into the story that I could feel Maki’s anxiety, my heart was just about to pound out of my chest.

I think, at it’s core, Love Novels’ theme is about choice.

While I would call Nico and Maki the main characters, I would argue heavily that Nico isn’t the main, main character. She effectively is the same person as she was at the beginning. The only character who experiences real character growth is, of course, Maki. She goes from being a caged bird to a freed one.

To an extent.

I have to believe that this story is not over by a long shot(not just because part two is up to 3 chapters, of which I’ve read a bit of the first… thought I should this first tho).

Namely I’m wondering if Maki is actually going to finish her medical degree.

A reoccurring theme that occurs throughout this story is that of choice, and Nico brings up multiple times that Maki isn’t truly happy being a doctor, but instead hints at how she is happier being behind the piano, or being an idol. Which makes me think if she might change majors or drop out completely? Much like it was stated above, given her father isn’t abusive nor is the one with money and her mother actually gives a damn, she isn’t going to lose her inheritance at this point (though I do wonder if she will buy the café Nico works at just to make sure she doesn’t have to work ever again and lazes about in bed all day…)

At this point I’m getting speculative because I’m wanting to lock my speculations in a time capsule before starting part 2, so just a warning about that and what not…

Another thing I’ve noticed, and it still stumps me is the way the first chapter starts. The tone feels off. Like something much greater is about happen that day, when all conventional story telling wisdom would make it be the happy times before the bad, not Maki getting a sense of foreboding doom.

I have two great hopes for the next part. Maybe three, but the third is super long term.

First, I’m hoping that its something that focuses more on Nico’s development instead of Maki. I say this because as a character, Nico has literally no reason I can think of to block her from doing her dreams of being a professional idol. She doesn’t have to pay for the kids’ college, and Maki can pay her share of rent/food money. Going along with the theme of choice, it would be Nico’s turn to deal with that, albeit with some help from her ever so supportive girlfriend/soulmate/princess ;)

Another would be to see Maki’s continued development, i.e. seeing her continue her choice to do something she is passionate about not something that was pre-chosen for her at birth.

My final curiosity is less about the characters and more about the ship. Namely what you will do with a relationship in the long term. As of now, they are currently in their honey moon phase, and like all things, as the poem, Ozymandias teaches us, nothing is eternal. The good times won’t be around forever, or if they do this might get stale really quick.

I’m actually personally quite excited that you are continuing this on past the getting together stage. I’m very, VERY interested in the long term. How the stress of a first relationship would get to them, or how they would just do the wrong thing. Really anything like that. I want to see them screw up, and take a break, or get angry and yell at each other. Something that breaks their bond so it can be remolded. Speaking of which…

This might be a personal gripe, but while I can accept that they could all (Muse) of them be other than straight (quite easily, actually), I’m curious to why you had them all pair up (besides honoka)?

Buh, I think I may have missed a few things, but I’ve gone over triple the character limit that Ao3 allows so I think I should post this. I might update it later, however.

Like I said before, this was awesome! You should feel proud ^_^

Cheers!

#love live #review #maki nishikino #nico yazawa #love novels

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todokori-kun · 8 years ago

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‘I’d even ship him with Shuu’ what have you done now I’m actually shipping that (Shuu trying to be his usual romantic, flirtatious self and then realising Urie either doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to get it)

I KNOW IT’S SO SAD

TG’s quality does seem to be going down a bit these last few chapters (I think the real problem started with the Touken romance. I swear I’m not being salty about a ship I don’t particularly like being canon, I just feel like the pacing was a bit bad…Touka’s ‘are you a virgin’ came completely out of the blue, plus Touken has hardly interacted in Re before the recent chapters. It’s been YEARS since they’ve seen each other, wouldn’t things have changed? Neither of them are teenagers anymore. Both of them have grown and changed, but Touka chose not to stay near Kaneki and watch his growth, while Kaneki had no way to see how Touka’s experiences gradually changed her. But Ishida decided to suddenly make it canon and then start focusing on the Touka-Kaneki-Mutsuki triangle to the point where it feels like he’s abandoning his other plot threads… kind of like what Isayama’s been doing lately.).

However, I believe that Ishida is completely capable of making things better if he wants to (remember, he still has the Hide trump card- bring Hide back in a believable way that nobody has predicted and also adds to the story, and I imagine most of the fandom will forgive everything that’s gone wrong in Re so far) so I’ll stick around. Plus, I’ve just gotten too attached to all the characters ;-;

Ugh, y'know, even if it wouldn’t fit very well with all the implied Mutsurie, I wish Ishida would just pull a plot twist and make Ken/Urie or Urie/Saiko canon.

I think I kinda hate centipedes now.

1: Yeah, I don’t think that’s Mutsuki’s hand either (like you said, it looked pretty 'fresh’. Plus, I have no idea how Mutsuki would have gotten one of the limbs Torso cut off). The only reason I mentioned it was because of the parallel with Torso showing Mutsuki their own hand with a wedding ring on it…Ishida loves his symbolism so I thought this might actually matter to the plot.

2: I think it was probably either a stranger or an acquaintance, since she seems slightly surprised and not exactly 'happy’ to see this person, but not afraid or displeased either. I’m scared…why would Ishida not show us who it was if it wasn’t something important? If things went well Yoriko’s probaby just gained some knowledge about what’s going on (perhaps she’s been told where Touka is and why she can’t come to the wedding?), but if not…perhaps a villain’s blackmailing her…idk :(

3: I want to believe that too, but I’m not sure yet. If there’s a reason for Yoriko looking so serious then that might be connected with the mystery character who greeted her when she was out shopping.

Thank you, that really means a lot to me <3 What I’m really worried about right now is that I go to a piano 'hagwon’ (a cram school of sorts, I guess?) and this year they’re going to do a small concert. Everyone who goes to the hagwon has to play a song and I have no idea how I’m going to do this ;-; just trying to look a person in the eyes when I’m talking to them scares me, how am I supposed to get on the stage in front of a crowd (a small crowd, since everyone there to see the concert will be the parents/family of the kids participating, but seriously). Things are just a bit complicated XD

Adorable Shuu. I guess that would just make me tease him even more LOL I’d probably ruin all his dramatic moments.

(Now that I think about it, though, Shuu and I have similar interests: music, fashion, art, literature…though I guess he’s a lot more interested in food than I am haha)

Oh, I’m so glad you liked them! I tried my best ;)

I actually like doing matchup things so that may be why they’re acceptable…if I ever get a tumblr account I think I’d like to make a scenario/hc/matchup blog.

As for Storm in Lover, yep, that was from your 'the names are weird’ message XD after I decided to add Love Live into the headcanons I ended up going on YT to listen to a few of the songs. They were all really cool, but it just felt like Storm in Lover would be Urie’s guilty pleasure song (or maybe that’s just because I ended up likng SiL way more than I was prepared for?)

BLOW US ALL AWAY QUEEN LUNA

I’M GLAD MY HUMBLE HEADCANONS COULD HELP

I WILL WRITE MORE

AS MANY AS YOU NEED TO GET THROUGH NEXT WEEK

(Seriously tho

-since your hair is either 'too long and in a ponytail’ or 'really short and in a ponytail’, Urie is secretly very, very disappointed when you’re wearing it short. He likes playing with your hair when you’re too busy watching TV or reading to notice he’s being cute ok

-short or long, whenever Urie gets a hold of your hair, he WILL style it. Don’t you dare say no to the Captain of the Q squad. A simple ponytail? Unacceptable.

-Saiko approves of this relationship

-So would Sasaki, if Sasaki still existed

-Shirazu approves from beyond the grave

-Mutsuki doesn’t care)

Thanks! <33 And yeah, I think I’m slowly starting to get the hang of it ^^

I find all of those moments very relatable. Golfishes unite! :D

Burr is one of those weirdly shippable characters that almost every fandom seems to have…

And oh, I see! Honestly Tony is still one of my favorite avengers…RDJ really brings him to life. And if you’ve seen Captain America I definitely recommend The Winter Soldier and Civil War (next movies in the series)! So much Bucky angst ;-; Also the Thor movies, because I have a feeling you might like Loki.

Some of the best Loki quotes:

“Well done, you’ve just decaptitated your grandfather!”

“An ant has no quarrel with a boot.”

“Freedom is life’s great lie.”

“Oh dear, is she dead?”

Btw, do you remember the time I said I’d write a Heathers one-shot on the Yoi blog and never did? I think I’m getting over my writer’s block so maybe I can write that one-shot and submit it here?(And if that’s ok, do you maybe have any suggestions for which character I could use? I was going to write it as a Yuuri/reader but that doesn’t seem to fit so well anymore, so I might go with a TG character…I’d also like to use a character you like, since you’ll probably be the only person reading it ^^;;)

Speaking of Heathers though, when you have the time, is it ok if I try to drag you into that fandom again? Along with Dear Evan(s) Hansen. It’ll hurt you very, very badly but it’ll probably be worth it.

Oh dear, even more rarepairs. And I’m the one who ‘invented’ this one. Well, like I’ve said, as long as Urie is happy, I don’t care about whom he’s with.

ISHIDA IS A GHOUL, ONLY HE DOESN’T LIVE OFF OF DEAD HUMANS, HE LIVES OFF OF PEOPLE’S SUFFERING!!!

Honestly, you’ve voiced my thoughts perfectly. I can’t help but get irritated at all the changes that have been happening. For me, it started around the time we found out about Mutsuki’s past. I mean, can’t we have one character who had a nice childhood and isn’t insane deep inside? At this point, basically everything is overdoing it for me. Let them have a break. A nice moment. A single day without a centipede or someone dying. TG is slowly turning into shoujo manga. A sick, twisted shoujo manga, but a romantic one. That is the one thing I didn’t want from it. It was actually nice to have a manga without pointless crushes which play an important role in the plot, for a change. Guess I was wrong.

Dude, I don’t care who he kills, if Ishida brings Hide back, he is automatically forgiven for everything and anything. Well, I would care if he killed characters like, but other than that, he’s free to kill anyone he wants (like Furuta (or maaaaybe Mutsuki, but I’d like it better if they redeemed themselves (though that might be difficult))).

I just… I want the cookie to be happy. And Mutsuki is definitely not making him happy.

Gaaah, so many questions and symbolisms, it’s making my head hurt. Here’s my theory: This is a huge setup for everyone to be happy. Mutsuki will run away to New Zealand or something and restart their life, Kaneki and Touka will get married (tho I don’t quite ship it, whatever, as long as they’re happy), Urie will realise he’s loved Saiko all along and she’ll be there waiting for him. Kanae is actually alive and so is Hide. Kanae and Shuu get married. Hide finds himself a nice girlfriend (or boyfriend, not gonna discriminate), opens a pet shop and is happy.

Everyone is happy.

Okay, but imagine this au: ghouls don't exist and there's no reason for so much suffering. Kaneki and Touka are two kids who knew each other from school and now run a coffee shop together. The Q squad went ri the same class and Saiko alway loved Urie. He recently realised it. And so on.

Ah, I definitely know how you feel. I went to music school as well, and we had yearly (or half-yearly, depending on how long you’ve played the piano) recitals. My method of calming down was to imagine I was at home, alone and just practicing. There was no one around me, and it didn’t matter if I messed up. I could always start again. Also, the audience was vegetables, as far as my imagination was concerned. It did help.

I know you can do it (๑و•̀ω•́)و You’re a fighter! The great Evans who can always cheer me up when I’m down. If I’m the queen, then you’re the king! All hail king Evans who’ll kick the recital’s butt!

Oh you would ruin all his moments, and it would be the most amazing thing ever. I’d always laugh at it, cause he’d be denied of all his theatrics.

They’re not ‘acceptable’, they’re absolutely perfect. I seriously can’t thank you enough, because they were very nice cheer-up material after a whole morning of cramming my two least favourite subjects. I’m pretty sure you’d do amazing if you got a blog. You do have amazing talent for writing.

Oh my~ Would you mind then if I listed a few more songs, my favourites?

Yozora wa nandemo shitteru no?

Bokutachi wa Hitotsu no Hikari (there’s a bit of talking in this one, it’s hard to find a version that’s not sped up)

Omoi yo hitotsu ni nare

Mijuku dreamer

Guilty Eyes Fever

soldier game

Thrilling・One Way

Ookay, I’m done ^^ I’m telling you, Idol Hell is very subtle. You won’t even realise you’ve been dragged into it huehuehuehuehuehuehue

Aaand there goes my heart, again. I have no words to thank you enough for writing those, since they help me keep my sanity.

however, we know whom we’d like from TG, but what about other fandoms we share? AoT? YoI? Kuroshitsuji?

Yeah, I’ve been told many times that I’d like Loki, but strictly looks-wise, I must admit I prefer his brother, and I prefer him very much. Idk, I just have a thing for guys with slightly longer hair.

All of that sounds suspiciously like something I’d say…

Of course, feel free to submit anything here! As for the musicals, I’d be happy to listen to them, but after this week is over, because exams. Then, I’ll listen to both Heathers and Dear Evan(s) Hansen, despite the feels ^^

#evans #submission

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