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rkin413 · 4 years ago

Text

All 77 of my current AUs

I’m probably going to instantly regret making this post but it’s four in the morning and also I desperately want to talk to people about these things.

This is just. Copypasted from my AU list page. Some stuff might be outdated in a week. Who knows. Not me.

Star Vs The Forces of Evil:

Monster Carvers (link) - Main Star Vs AU. Stomco endgame + Tom stays with Marco + Star raised by Monsters (specifically Buff Frog). The titular antagonists were originally going to disappear after the prologue what the heck happened???

Pretty Cure vs the Forces of Evil (link) - Exactly What It Says On the Tin, Pretty Cure x Star Vs.

unnamed Pirate AU - Star Butterfly has a perfectly nice, unbearably boring life as a high-class lady, with little to do other than wait to be married to her arranged fiancé that she’s never even met. A week before her wedding she sneaks on board a shipping vessel in the hopes of having an adventure. She gets a little more adventure than she bargained for when the ship is attacked by pirates.

“"Cannon”“ - A cannon-adjacent AU that started as a crossover with Monster Carvers

unnamed Infinity Train AU feat. human!Star and human!Tom.

unnamed Post-Cleaved AU featuring forced humanizations, amnesia, and one small time hiccup. Also Dave and Wrathmelior are missing, so that sucks for Tom.

unnamed AU where Marco goes to live with Tom for a while instead of Star during Lint Catcher

How to Train Your Dragon:

Outsiders (link) - Main HTTYD AU. Instead of watching the entire Berk fleet sail off to their dooms with Toothless, Hiccup and Astrid free the arena dragons and take Toothless while he’s being brought to the ship and then they all get the heck out of dodge. Dagur accidentally set himself adrift with Heather back when they were both small. Snotlout learns the hard way that being the Heir/responsibility kind of really sucks actually??? Stoick has to deal with his son going rouge. And Gobber and the Berk Teenagers have to deal with Stoick and Snotlout respectively.

Modern Riders/Time Travel AU - Modern!Hiccup is dragged by his cousin into an unwanted camping trip with the other riders and one electrical storm later, they find their cell phones aren’t working any more. Also are those flipping dragons?! On Berk, Stoick and the other vikings are shocked to find a group of teenagers in the woods who bear a shocking resemblance to some of the members of a dead generation of children.

Unsevered Bonds - Modern Riders (minus Hiccup) meet a time displaced Hiccup who recognize them as his reincarnated friends, even if they don’t remember their former lives.

How To Train Your Lusus - Everyone are trolls on Alternia. Hiccup is a brownblood who’s probably the only troll in existence to get a second Lusus (Toothless) after his first one (Stoick) is killed. Astrid is an oliveblood that Hiccup is flushed for, Fishlegs is a yellowblood, Snotlout is a blueblood, the Twins, Dagur, and Heather are all purplebloods. Dagur killed both his and Heather’s lusus so now he’s trying to take care of her even though she absolutely hates him (and not in a black way), and he had an unrequited pitch thing for Hiccup at one point before they flipped pale (and are actually Moirails now). That’s pretty much all I have for this one.

unnamed Harry Potter AU - Does not actually take place at Hogwarts. Everyone attends Dumstrang (possibly) and the topic everyone avoids is Care of Magical Creatures, because the local Dark Lord is Drago Bludvist. Main trio is Hiccup, Snotlout (Pureblood cousins), and Fishlegs (Muggleborn)… somehow.

Dragon Gang (link) - Mob/Mafia AU set in the vaguely 1920s in a Fake Country so no one can call me out on inaccurate geography.

Rebuilding Bridges - Set in a Multiverse where RTTE and The Hidden World are mutuality exclusive. (Pt.1): After dealing with Drago but before dealing with Grimmborn, Hiccup and Toothless once fought a witch intent on ‘harvesting’ dragons. Now ten years after the dragons have left her apprentice seeks revenge and kidnaps Zephyr and Nuffink, and a panicked Hiccup and Astrid are contacted by the Very Retired and Very Much Done With This Kid witch. Meanwhile in the RTTE-verse, The Dragon Riders only just got back from informing Berk about Johann’s treachery, when some crazy lady spontaneously appears in the middle of the Edge with two terrified children she intends to feed to dragons. Yeah, that’s not happening. (Pt.2, spoilers for this AU I guess???): Zephyr and Nuffink and their parents have safely returned to New Berk, but their world has been shaken by what was and could have been. Zephyr and Nuffink, after bonding with Dagur in the other timeline, decide they want to try and help him in theirs. This was perhaps not their best idea. Meanwhile, the Nightlights escape the watchful eye of their parents to go exploring outside the Hidden World, and quickly meet the hatchlings of their dad’s brother! (so… their cousins, then?)

Something Wild (name subject to change) - Several years after Berk (along with most of the Archipelago) is attacked and taken captive by a far more advanced foe, Stoick is able to free most of his people but what he finds when they get manage to regroup back to their island is less than a relief- Berk ravaged and their elderly and children, left behind by their captors, missing. To make matters worse, the dragons are still out there, now with some kind of devils riding and aiding them. Now Stoick, Gobber, and the rest of the people of Berk must find safety and a way to fight back against they’re new foe, find what happened to those who are missing, and figure out who these dragon riders are and whether they’re friend of foe (gee i wonder where the Berkians went and who the dragon riders are golly what a mystery). (aka the feral/semi-feral!dragon riders au i keep trying to create)

Lost (name subject to change) - Alternate attempt at the feral/semi-feral!dragon riders au. Several years before the events of the movie could happen, a raid on Berk not by dragons, but by other people, leads to the destruction of an entire generation when the raiders manage to capture the Teenagers of Berk and ship them away. While in captivity, they meet and ultimately befriend the dragons that in another life would be their partners and together they all escape. Unfortunately, they’re Thor-knows-where, and with no one they can trust (or understand) except each other, getting back to Berk might take a while…

The Lego Movie:

Hero with Two Faces of Yellow - Another ‘Emmet and Rex share a body like Good Cop Bad Cop’ AU

Peacemaker AU - Main Lego AU. About a year after the Duplo aliens attack, Emmet is attacked and presumed dead, but he’s actually been taken by General Mayhem to meet Queen Watevra Wana'bi, who remembered and missed her ‘father’. Later, Rex ends up jumping into an entirely different timeline by accident (this one) and decides to try and play the long game by befriending Emmet, who’s now living in the Systar System. That probably won’t work out for him the way he wanted.

Miraculous Ladybug

MiracuClass Knows AU - Prior to Volpina, each member of the MiracuClass finds out the identities of Ladybug and Chat Noir, and just sort of collectively become their secret keepers. Inspired by Epiphanies by PFTones3582 on Fanfiction.net.

Miraculous Sburb AU - The MiracuClass play Sburb and end up dragging a good chunk of Paris in with them when they enter the Medium. Marinette is a Light player, Adrien is a Doom player, and that’s all I got. Gabriel probably definitely dies.

One Is Silver and the Other Gold - aka the Marikimno Brot3 AU. I headcannon that Marinette, Kim, and Nino were close friends as little kids that drifted apart a few years prior to the start of the show. In this AU, that never happened. Also, Alya becomes Adrien’s best friend instead of Nino, and Nathanel becomes their friend too somehow? (someone help Alya, she’s an extrovert and both her friends have social skill levels in the single digits.)

The Ladybug and the Monkey - Main Miraculous Ladybug AU. My take on the ‘Fu chooses Kim to be the second Miraculous wielder instead of Adrien’ AU that I’ve somehow seen multiple times.

Sleeper Miraculous - AU where instead of the Miraculous being handed out, they’re transported magically to their wielders after they’ve proved themselves somehow. The Miraculous still need to be ‘activated’ by the Guardian to be used on either a permanent or temporary basis, so Ladybug still has to go to Master Fu at first before she becomes the new Guardian, but she knows literally none of the other members of Team Miraculous’s identities. They have a chat group, too, where Ladybug updates team members on whose Miraculous she’s going to activate, and both Chloe and Kagami never blow their identities. Contains both mild Classmates + (even milder)Adrien salt and sugar. (define irony: wanting to punch someone in the face for being an a-hole only to realize that said a-hole is you).

Miraculous! Pretty Cure! - Another Pretty Cure AU. Yep.

Mesapia AU - Butterfly!Marinette AU with a few twists - 1) instead of just facing the villainous user of the Ladybug Miraculous, all of the Miraculous have been lost to villains (save for the rabbit). Marinette frequently empowers her classmates (+Adrien, who’s still under house-arrest in this AU, Luka, and Kagami) to fight the Miraculous Villains, who are also all fighting each other; and 2) This isn’t so much a Kwami Swap as a Kwami Scramble, no one uses their canon Miraculous here (except for Fu briefly, and Emilie had the peacock before what happened to her)!

Boys vs Girls AU (name subject to change) - Marinette vs Lila with the Boys (+Kagami) on Marinette’s side and the Girls on Lila’s.

Labyrinth - Almost the entirety of the MiracuClass go missing (+Lila, Luka, & Kagami, -Chloe) and on a related note, eight very young children wake up in an ever-shifting, monster-filled underground labyrinth and grow up together. And two of them have some special, appearance-shifting jewelry…

Mad Gabriel - Miraculous Ladybug x Mad Father, starring Adrien as Aya, Marinette as Dio, Gabriel as Alfred Drevis, Nathalie as Maria, and everyone else as the doctor’s victims (Lila is Ines).

Miraculous Royal AU - A fantasy AU starring the MiracuClass (shocker) spread out across three fantasy kingdoms.

Quartz Butterfly AU - AU in which Jagged Stone takes the role of (a significantly nicer but still villainous) Hawkmoth as Quartz Butterfly, with Penny taking on Mayura’s role as Songbird. (yes i know peacocks aren’t songbirds SHHHH).

MiracuTrio AU - AU based on fanofanimation’s submission to terrible-miraculous-ladybug-aus, where Kim becomes a permanent member of the team after Party Crasher.

Mitterlicht - horror-ish AU inspired partially by various horror games, Lucidstuck, and Underbright (no, really). After receiving their Miraculous for the first time, the temporary heroes start having less-than-restful nights. Things quickly go from bad to worse when fragmented, panic-inducing dreams turn into nightly (and solitary) trips into a dark world full of monsters that want to take something referred to just as their ‘light’- a bright light that acts as both a beacon to the hostile creatures and the only way to return to consciousness every night -which just so happen to be in the exact spot (and in many cases, are also vaguely the same shape) of their Miraculouses.

Mirakatsu - Aikatsu AU

Ladybug: Don’t Deal With Hawkmoth - (aka the result of listening to the Cuphead Rap Battle 50 million times) Cuphead AU where Ladybug and Chat Noir have to go around beating up akumas and collecting their butterflies to avoid getting akumatized by Hawkmoth.

Miracle Thieves - a phantom/gentleman thief au where Marinette and Adrien (who have been thieves for years) unwittingly steal a pair of magical artifacts and decide to team up afterwards. Includes Fox!Nino, Journalist-determined-to-expose-their-identities!Alya, and possibly Tiger!Markov.

Homestuck:

unnamed AU inspired by To Live a Normal Life

unnamed Harry Potter AU

Merged Sessions AU - An AU where our favorite trolls and the Beta Kids are all part of the same session

Same Side of the Scratch AU - AU where the Beforus Trolls replace the Alternian ones, and when both sessions get scratched the Alternian Trolls end up in communication with the Alpha Kids

Same Side, Same Session AU - Combines both of the two immediately above AUs, The Beta Kids and Beforus Trolls have a session together that fails and gets Scratched, then the Alternians and Alphas play the game together while the pre-scratch players (all alive) travel to their session and have Meteorstuck Shenanigans.

Relief Was Just a Dream (name subject to change) - aka the mandatory Troll Rebellion AU, inspired by a fic I don’t remember the name of on A03. Sweeps after Karkat and Feferi are (seemingly) culled, Ace Legislacerator Terezi Pyrope -one of the best despite knowing she’s one wrong move away from being culled for her disability- is called in to investigate a series of traitorous attacks on more and more ships. Weirdly, the trolls seen most in the attacks don’t even seem to exist, all seem to bleed a painfully familiar cherry red, and have powers that even Her Imperial Condescension doesn’t seem to have. (not a no-game au)

Freetime AU (name subject to change) - AU where Bro leaves Dave on Dad Egbert’s doorstep, and Dave and John grow up as brothers.

Megaman:

Pokemon Network - Hub lives Pokemon AU with at least two protagonist teams. Team A: Lan, Hub, Mayl, Dex & Yai in Kanto. Team B: Roll, Glyde, Gutsman (Gus) in Kalos. What are Chaud and Protoman/Blues up to? ~Secrets~

Sailor Moon:

Inverse Corruption - When Beryl scours the Earth looking for her reincarnated generals she fails to find them, but she does manage to find the senshi instead. Sailor Moon has to unknowingly face the very girls who were supposed to protect her, fighting side-by-side with the Shitennou instead. (the boys are highschoolers to the girls middleschoolers)

Hazbin Hotel:

Infernal Relations - Why did Lucifer and Lilith wait so long to have a child? Simple; they didn’t. Unbeknownst to Charlie, her parents both had and lost a child thousands of years before she was born, a fact that will have far more of an effect on her hotel than she could possibly realize (even if she had known).

Apprentice Charlie AU - AU where Charlie gets into a fight with Lucifer and leaves before she ever thinks to create her hotel and Alastor ends up finding amusement by taking on an apprentice. (inspired by Helluva Teacher by Sol_Victoria on A03)

Phineas and Ferb:

Cursed Cats AU - AU based on the song Black Cats of Halloween. Phineas, Ferb, and their friends are cursed by a demon who turns them into black cats, save for on Halloween night. They’re then thrown into a world of magic and have to find each other, their way back home, and a way to break their curse, preferably in that order.

Danganronpa:

Online Gamer AU - no one dies/non-despair AU where no one is a super/ultra highschool level anything, no one has met each other in person, and they all play Among Us together. Junko always dies first and she’s low-key going to hurt someone over it.

unnamed AU where the murders of the killing game happen differently (aka the mandatory dr au)

unnamed AU inspired by ask-the-dr-reset-kids - After an incident that forces Hope’s Peak to temporarily close it’s doors, Class 78 all transfer to a different school. Junko is in jail, Mukuro is coping, Izuru is looming somewhere, the Ultimate Despair are waiting like sleeper agents to cause the The Most Despair Inducing Event in History, and Makoto is straight up not having a good time (and has very good reasons not to tell anyone).

unnamed AU where both Class 77 and Class 78, including both Junko and Mukuro but without Chiaki end up playing the Killing Game together.

Double Mastermind AU - similar to the above, both Class 77 and Class 78 wake up one day with no memories of their school lives. They’ll have to work together, somehow, to find out where they are, how to get back to civilization, and how to get back their memories. Meanwhile in the control room, Makoto and a sort-of-but-not-really-reformed Junko are working together as the Masterminds behind the mystery. Well, Makoto’s working, anyway. Junko just kind of wants to give Makoto daily migraines. Contains Junko/Makoto hateshipping.

unnamed Taka Lives AU where instead of switching roles with Hiro during the third trial he just manages to survive the murder attempt. He does not, however, get out unscathed…

another unnamed Taka Lives AU where Makoto, at Kyoko’s urging, decides to stay with Kiyondo the night he would have died, throwing a huge wrench into the would-be-blackeneds’ plans.

Asassain!Makoto AU: The Killing School Life - an au where Makoto is secretly the Ultimate Assassin.

Assasain!Makoto AU: The Killing Mystery - au that’s basically the one directly above but takes place in a non-despair (or maybe averted despair would be more accurate) timeline. After receiving and turning down a job to assassinate a certain up-and-coming politician, The Black Mask (Makoto) alerts his would-be victim, an old former friend, that someone is out for his life.

Remnants of Hope AU - AU that takes place after the end of School Mode, with the class not being picked up by the future foundation right away. (does this. does this actually qualify as an au i’m not sure.)

unnamed Class Swap AU

unnamed AU where Makoto and Kiyotaka are brainwashed into Ultimate Despair in addition to Class 77. Contains both sweet and very effed up Naeishi, as well as Despair!Makoto+Izuru friendship (or as close as Izuru can get, anyway). Technically another 2 (or 3, sort of) masterminds au.

Soulmates AU - In a world where most people are colorblind until meeting their soulmate, Makoto Naegi walks into Hope’s Peak Academy colorblind, blacks out, and wakes up to color. As it turns out, the same thing happened to everyone else!

Scrapbook AU - After entering into Hope’s Peak Academy, Makoto started a scrapbook/photo album of himself, his classmates, and eventually even the class above his own during their time on and off school. It soon became a class diary of sorts after being discovered, shared among everyone… then a chronicle of the events leading up to Class 77 going missing, The Tragedy starting, and Class 78 sealing themselves inside the school bunker, before returning to it’s original purpose as Class 78 lived inside their homemade bunker. In canon, Junko found and burned it. In this timeline, it’s an amnesiac Makoto and his classmates who find it, hidden under the floor in Makoto’s room.

Amnesia AU - A boy wakes up in a school(?) with no memories of where he is, how he got here, or even who he is. As it turns out, there are fourteen other people here… and all of them have the same memory loss he does! (may or may not be an IF Bad End AU)

Polychain AU - Another different Victims and Blackends au, that extends well beyond the original Killing Game. The Tragedy occurs very differently in this one… initially. Also features Junko escaping after the Killing Game, and Hajime and Shuichi being half-brothers and kids of the survivors.

Unnamed AU where Leon and Taka also attended Makoto and Sayaka’s middle school.

Ghost AU - After being killed, the victims and blackened are forced to stick around and watch the Killing Game happen, believing they'll be allowed to move on after they leave. Turns out, they're very much wrong- but at least after it's over their classmates can see them! Too bad they're the only ones.

Teachers Assistant AU - inspired by a fic I don’t remember the name of on fanfiction.net. After Nagito blows up a building and gets suspended, Chisa is forced to take a Teacher’s Assistant or be fired. Somehow, a very reluctant Makoto gets the job, despite being in the class below her own. Cross-class shenanigans ensue.

Unnamed Timetravel AU inspired by a fic I don’t remember the name of on fanfiction.net where Makoto and Alter Ego, the only survivors of the Killing Game, are sent back in time to Makoto’s first day attending Hope’s Peak - Makoto mentally and Alter Ego physically. Not as dark as the premise sounds, at least theoretically.

Crossover

Dagla!Adrien AU - Adrien isn’t the son of Gabriel and Emilie Agreste, but instead his parents are a Modern Dagur and Mala. He still works for Gabriel as a model, but otherwise has had a very different upbringing (most notably the inclusion of a lot of people who have cared about him for his entire life, such as his best friend Zephyr Haddock) and acts more like Chat Noir both with and without the mask. He still befriends his canon friends, becomes Chat Noir, and falls in love with Ladybug. (HTTYD x Miraculous Ladybug)

unnamed Adventure Time x Star Vs AU

Miracutale - Lila pushes Marinette down a hole, Adrien tries to catch her but fails. Undertale ensues. (Miraculous Ladybug x Undertale)

Sailor Bella (name subject to change) - AU inspired by some art from Turning-the-Tides, Princess Serenity reincarnates not into Usagi Tsukino, but Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, and her Senshi are reincarnated into the boys. I have no idea who Endymion became if he exists at all in this AU. (Sailor Moon x Phineas and Ferb)

unnamed three-way crossover between Harry Potter, Miraculous Ladybug, and How to Train Your Dragon.

unnamed Steven Universe x Undertale AU - After returning from the Jungle Moon, Steven and Connie end up stranded in an alternate timeline where they meet what appears to be another half-gem going by the name of False Topaz (Frisk). Things get a little more tricky when it turns out that gems and humans coexist somewhat… on one side of a giant, seemingly uncross-able mountain range live humans, on the other gems, and after a war between the two a few centuries ago, both cultures have a kill on sight policy. To make things more complicated, gems seem to be very different in this timeline. (note: Frisk is not actually a gem, just disguised as one)

unnamed Undertale x Star Vs AU - There’s a new face at the Silver Bell Ball - Frisk, heir and ambassador for the Kingdom of… Monsters?! Star and Frisk are quick to befriend each other, but despite that, Star can’t help but feel that Frisk doesn’t like her… And Frisk may have more than one secret to share… or maybe to keep.

unnamed Miraculous Ladybug x Danganronpa AU - The Worst Most Despair Inducing Event In History was localized to Japan (but the effects are spreading), and the six survivors of Hope’s Peek, aided by Kagami’s father, whom Byakuya naturally has connections to, immigrate to France to pick up the pieces of their lives. Meanwhile in France, Ms. Bustier’s class gain five new transfer students after the events of Miracle Queen.

Games - (everything)

Wild Things - (everything)

#LONG post #Star Vs #HTTYD #Lego Movie #Miraculous Ladybug #Homestuck #Megaman Battle Network #Sailor Moon #Hazbin Hotel #Phineas and Ferb #Danganronpa #Undertale #Harry Potter and Adventure Time don't get their own tags because they only show up once each #and only in crossovers

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mllemaenad · 5 years ago

Note

Wizards in Harry Potter aren't liable to be possessed by literal demons from Hell regardless of their good intentions. Furthermore, non-magical people in Harry Potter also have guns, sniper rifles combat planes, tanks, heat seeking missiles, NUCLEAR BOMBS to equalize the fight if a dark wizard starts thinking that he should rule them. The two settings are completely different. Give these advantages to non-magical people in Thedas and I will agree that the Circles aren't necessary.

Hi Anonymous person!

Look. I’m a little perturbed by what you’ve got there, because you seem awfully willing to cause harm to helpless people on the basis of what they might do. But I’ll do this in chunks.

Wizards in Harry Potter aren’t liable to be possessed by literal demons from Hell regardless of their good intentions.

Well. Neither are mages in Dragon Age, largely because ‘hell’ doesn’t exist. I know that sounds flippant, but it’s important. Andrastianism isn’t Christianity, of course, but it does have a Christian aesthetic – more specifically a Catholic one – and the Chantry operates in a world reminiscent of a time when a pope could dominate kings and start holy wars.

That Christian aesthetic is also applied to spirits. Instead of the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ we have Enchanter Brahm’s five demons: rage, hunger, sloth, desire and pride. It’s a useful game mechanic, absolutely; you can’t have infinite monster designs in a game, and it helps the player figure out what kind of weapons to employ in any given fight. However, as the story goes on it becomes increasingly clear that the Chantry’s view of spirits and demons is simplistic at best and outright wrong at worst.

Spirits embody something that has become important to them. There are many, many more kinds than the Chantry’s sins and virtues lists would acknowledge. There’s a spirit of Command hanging out in Crestwood in Inquisition who just really wants someone to obey its orders for a while. Solas will talk to you about a spirit who embodies an ideal people have forgotten.

Demons seem to be largely spirits who have suffered in some way. We usually don’t know why. Solas’s friend is an obvious example – a spirit who was inexpertly summoned and trapped by frightened mages. It’s also noteworthy that Merrill talks about her ‘demon’ being bound and left over from war. While of course we can’t know exactly what happened there, we can fucking guess, right?

These are all just beings – people. And they’re all from the same place. Not hell, heaven, purgatory or anything like that. They’re from The Fade, which is their home, the source of magic, and was apparently much closer to the rest of the world before Solas and the Veil.

I’ve noted repeatedly that spirit possession is an important part of several cultures, and is often a positive thing. Possessed mages serve as companion characters (Wynne, Anders) and kick some serious arse in battle, and Justice just wanders around in Awakening wearing a corpse and it’s fine.

Of course, no one is saying that possession can’t go wrong. I’ve played the games, and of course my characters have killed both ‘demons’ and ‘abominations’. But. When you say something like ‘demons from hell’ you’re imposing a particular religious view on the story – one that allows you to simply declare that these people are evil and that it’s fine to kill them. We know that it is possible to liberate a possessed mage, and to heal a spirit who has been corrupted. We have seen both those things. But why bother if they’re evil, right? Just lock them up and kill them if things get tricky.

That view is wholly wrong for the setting of Dragon Age. But it is … pretty well on par with the view the Chantry actually expresses. So when you say ‘demons from hell’ I actually think that’s an excellent reason why the Circles should be abolished, because it’s imposing ideas on this situation that are wrong, unhelpful and cruel.

Also. I mean. Also. Yes, I have fought possessed mages in Dragon Age. I have also fought possessed templars. Possessed trees. Possessed bones. Possessed rocks.

If you feel we need to lock up everything that can get possessed, you’re going to have to start with all the people and then move on to all the plants and inanimate objects. If all things can be possessed, then all things need to be locked up. And if all things are inside the prison, couldn’t we just … not have one?

Furthermore, non-magical people in Harry Potter also have guns, sniper rifles combat planes, tanks, heat seeking missiles, NUCLEAR BOMBS to equalize the fight if a dark wizard starts thinking that he should rule them.

Um. Sorry Anonymous person but … what? Have you … read those books? Now, granted I haven’t read them in a while but I have read them. And … I have no idea what you’re talking about.

‘Muggles’ in Harry Potter are usually comic relief, and even the ones that aren’t simple buffoons are depicted as largely helpless against magical attacks of any kind. The British government shows up just long enough to express a heartfelt ‘What the actual fuck?’ at the war with Voldemort before promptly vanishing from the plot again.

All of this … stuff about conventional weapons you’ve introduced has come from your imagination. It’s not how the relationship between Muggles and wizards is portrayed in the novels at all.

In fact, conceptually, I would say that the wizards of Harry Potter are much scarier than the mages of Dragon Age. Tevinter had an empire in Dragon Age, and because they value magic the magisters undoubtedly used it in the fight to obtain that empire. But they were taken down by famine and Blight, and finished off by war. In the series’ ‘present day’ Orlais has achieved the exact same thing as Tevinter with significantly less magic (not no magic, of course, since they will drag their imprisoned mages into battle), and there’s no sense that Tevinter can just zap its way back into power. They are constrained by economics, geography and politics just like everyone else. Magic is useful, but only up to a point.

Now … in Harry Potter, there’s a pretty strong sense that wizards could just take over the planet any time they felt like it. In fact, the back story contains one Grindelwald, who actually did want to take over the world and enslave Muggles. This was not a war between Muggles (who are not supposed to have been able to prevent this) and wizards, but rather an internal schism in the wizarding community. Gindelwald was not defeated by NUCLEAR BOMBS (And seriously – what the hell, is your plan to defeat wizards ‘flatten Scotland’? because that’s what would happen if you tried to bomb Hogwarts. You want to take out Diagon Alley? Congratulations, you just blew up London.), but rather in an old style man-to-man duel with another wizard. In a castle. They were ex-lovers. I’m assuming it was on the ramparts, it was raining and everyone was screaming like Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of the Sith.

I haven’t kept up with it, but I am peripherally aware that J K Rowling has said … increasingly weird things over the years, and I’m not attempting to defend any of that. But there was a general … theme in the novels that … most people probably aren’t fascists, and when the fascists come from within it is the community that must take them down. So Muggles are not given much power or agency at all.

This had nothing to do with heat-seeking missiles. Just … what?

Meanwhile, over in Dragon Age the Chantry talks a lot about mages having advantages in battle, but in practice that’s not what we actually see. For a start, non-mages have plenty of weapons that work just fine against magical enemies - swords, spears, arrows, axes. Nobody in Thedas has NUCLEAR BOMBS, mage or not. It’s not setting appropriate. Anders may have been a mage, but he had to rely on explosive material (likely gunpowder) to actually get a significant bang.

Non-mages may also wield enchanted weapons, meaning that they can literally take magic into battle with them. The mage over there is shooting lightning from her fingers? Your sword shoots fireballs. What the hell are you complaining about?

Nor does simply having a weapon in your hand mean that you know how to use it. I don’t know how to use a gun. Someone could give me one, in a crisis, I suppose. But it would only be luck that allowed me to incapacitate an assailant, and I certainly couldn’t fight several. Most ‘ordinary’ people in Thedas won’t have much in the way of weaponry. But likewise, neither will mages. They have magic, but that isn’t the same thing.

How many dead bodies do you need to prove this? The mage who was apparently murdered by villagers in Crestwood, when she went in to try to help them. The mages cut down by the Qunari swords in The Demands of the Qun. The villagers who were going to fucking lynch Rhys and his friends in Asunder.

It feels like you’ve made up a story about how magic works in both of these series that isn’t true to either of them.

Give these advantages to non-magical people in Thedas and I will agree that the Circles aren’t necessary.

So … to be clear, you’re arguing for:

the abduction of and permanent separation of children from their parents

forced conversion to a religion and the suppression of alternative religious beliefs

deprivation of citizenship and the basic rights that come with that

reducing people to a permanent infantile status as wards of a religious institution

permanent surveillance of affected individuals (phylacteries)

execution without trial where deemed appropriate by religious authorities

… because people might get possessed and can sometimes make fire come out of their hands? Well. Okay then. Good to know.

#dragon age #chantry critical #Anonymous

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penpalswithhaley · 5 years ago

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Pre-Novel-Writing Checklist

Ready to write your novel? Make sure you check these things off first.

When after hours of worldbuilding my fantasy continent and deciding what my characters want and what they look like and mapping a plot that kinda/sorta makes sense and I’m finally ready to knock out 50k words, I go through this little checklist to make sure my first-draft bases are covered:

Who/Why (Characters)

When/Where (Worldbuilding)

What/How (Plot)

Who/Why (Characters)

You really can’t write your first draft without having a solid idea of who your characters are. This means not only mapping out your protagonist’s needs, wants, and basic character arc, but also figuring out who your secondary/minor characters are and how they’re related to your main.

Once you have those basic points mapped out, you also want to make sure you have a handle on your main cast’s motivations and voice.

Understanding everyone’s motivations will make the plot flow better; each character will be making decisions that make sense for them, not just for the plot. Why are they doing what they’re doing? How will their actions conflict with or agree with the motivations of other characters?

Nailing their voice makes them feel like recognizable people that we look forward to seeing and hearing from. For me, this not only means what their actual dialogue sounds like, but what goes on inside of their heads, their instinctual reactions to certain events or people, and what they physically look like.

So, first things first on the checklist: CHARACTERS.

Where (Worldbuilding)

Next on the am-I-ready-for-a-first-draft checklist is figuring out worldbuilding (literally my favorite part of any story). There’s no need to do a crazy deep dive and map out a full five-century history for your world, but it’s good to cover a couple of key points:

Geography - Where does the story take place? Try to have a map, so you have an idea of the location and how long it’ll take your characters to get from place to place in the story. What’s the weather like when your story begins? What sort of environment/terrain does the story take place in?

Culture - What’s the culture of this world life and how does it factor into your story? Think of political and societal structure, religion, economics, arts, architecture, etc. Anything that shapes the world of your story that your characters are immersed in culturally. There’s no need to write a whole book on it; just figure out enough details to help make your world feel lived-in.

Plot Markers - Then, there’s what I like to call “plot markers.” These are elements of worldbuilding that are directly related to the pain plot of your story. Is there a certain relic that your protagonist is searching for? Map out the history of that relic, what it’s abilities are, and who else might be looking for it.

So, second on the list: WORLDBUILDING.

What/How (Plot)

Next on the list, we’ve got the big one: plot. Now, honestly, on my first draft, I don’t do a full story-mode breakdown. I like to hash it out into these major plot points (I pulled these from a ton of different writing sources; here’s a combo that works for me):

Inciting Incident - What action/event happens to start the story rolling?

Main Quest - What’s the main quest/plot/pull of the story? What kind of journey is the protagonist on?

A New World - What’s the “new world” the protagonist steps in from Act One to Act Two?

Fun & Games / Investigation - The actual elements of the main quest/plot/mystery that drives the story along.

Bad Guys Closing In - Antagonist forces closing in and beating our protagonist time & time again

How it Ends - How the story actual ends, how character arcs conclude, and any loose ends

Obviously, these aren’t all of the plot points you need for the story to make sense, but these are the points I like to start with. Once I know what these are, it makes it easier for me to fill in the blanks.

For draft one, I like to have some creative wiggle room to discover the plot as it unfolds. It’s totally cool to map it out in a different way. However you like to outline, make sure you have enough to go on to push you through an initial draft.

Third on the pre-novel-writing checklist: PLOTTING / OUTLINE.

Double-Check the Checklist

Ok, so you’re ready to write your first draft! Do you have:

Characters & their motivations? [Yes / No]

Worldbuilding basics [Yes / No]

Basic plot outline [Yes / No]

If you answered “No” to any of the above → back to your Scrivener doc for some more brainstorming and planning!

If you answered “Yes” to all three, then congratulations → you’re well on your way to knocking out that first draft.

Let’s get writing.

#penpalswithhaley #writing #novel writing #wip #writing tips #writing blog #lets write #new writers #new writers on tumblr

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thoughtsfromthegm · 6 years ago

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Prophets in the Promised Land - Design Journal 1

Intro and Explanation

I’m working on a Jewish Dogs in the Vineyard hack, one that let’s the players take up the roles of traveling Prophets or Rabbis going from community to community, rooting out sin and corruption, delivering divine judgement, and possibly performing miracles. This journal is to track my progress working on the game and to hold my thoughts and questions for me between game dev sessions.

Summary of Work So Far

This is my third day (non-consecutive) of working on this game. I’m counting any day that I write out a DitV-sized section of text as a day that I have worked on the game. Obviously I’m going to be churning through thoughts about it when I’m not sitting and typing but people can’t play a game made out of thoughts (yet). Any day where I work on the game I want to write a journal post about it.

Day 1

The first day that I worked on the game I just made a to-do list. It was 2 pages long, and 1.5 of those pages are devoted to just endless questions about when and where to set the game. Jewish culture isn’t one thing in one place at one time, and I didn’t know which setting I wanted to put the game in. The time of the Patriarchs? Of the Prophets? The Judges? The Jewish diaspora in the Islamic Golden Age? An eastern European town a la Fiddler on the Roof? Literally Deseret but Jewish?

I was especially not looking forward to was tackling gender roles.

Day 2

I think I’ve settled on the idea of incorporating all the different parts of Jewish history into the same setting. It’ll take some hand waving but I like the idea of Rabbis (Prophets? Judges?) being able to interact with and pass judgement on Jewry through history. I’ve also decided that my Deseret is going to just straight up be the Promised Land of Israel, but without any of the specifics. I’m going to claim the geography, climate, and mythopoetic significance the place and completely strip away all of the literal, historical, or Biblical markers. No famous historical cities, no places of biblical significance, no Temple, no Jerusalem, nothing that players can grab onto and say “but it means this because that happened here!” This is the the land of potential that God promised us, not the land we actually got.

I’ve also found that a great hack for productivity so far has been to just take a section of the original DitV book, put the same heading in a gdoc, and then rewrite the entire section. Having a concrete starting point that I need to break away from an change really helps me get my thoughts in order.

Output of Day 2:

Chapter 1: How to Play

I: How to Play

The land I imagine follows, very roughly, the climate and geographic contours of Israel. In the south you have a desert something like the Negev, a western coastline along something like the Mediterranean Sea, hills and mountains and to the east a lush, water-giving valley something like the Jordan Valley. The summer is long, hot and dry, and the winter is short, cold and wet.

The setting imagines a Jewish people plucked from the various times and places of the diaspora and placed in a fantastic version of Israel.

This section could be renamed “What I know about Israel”. I am Well Equipped(tm) for this project.

Chapter 2: A Land of Milk And Honey

II: A Land of Milk and Honey

I will bring you to a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey.

Setting

I’m just making stuff up! I have an image in my head, a picture of what the characters look like, what the towns and landscapes look like, and my thoughts in this chapter follow from it.

As you play the game, you’ll form your own picture of its world. Make up details to fit your picture, don’t worry about sticking to mine.

It’s especially important to note that everyone playing will form a slightly different picture, leading to slightly different details. That’s fine! As GM, it falls to you to draw the other players’ details into the confirmed, consensus “reality” of the game. When a player asks you, “is there a [whatever] here?” you should either say yes outright, or turn the question back to the group: “I dunno, does it make sense to you all that there’d be a [whatever] here?” Similarly, if you think that a detail you’re introducing might be at all surprising or controversial, take it to the group: “I want there to be a [whatever] here. Does that make sense to everybody?”

This bit is quoted straight from OG DitV, with a little bit left off the end. I’ll probably rewrite the bit I left off in my own voice later.

The Regions

In the south, baked and weathered by the desert sun, tent-dwelling nomads still wander the wilderness, and ascetics embark on journeys of spiritual discovery; along the western coastline, prosperous, cosmopolitan port towns bustle with trade, civil intrigue, and culture clash with foreign visitors and immigrants; in the eastern valley region, military tensions and territory skirmishes simmer around the valuable natural resources; in the northern mountains, the Chosen People live under the oppressive regimes of foreign powers; and in the central hill lands people live among the ruins of the Temple Cities, reminders of holier days.

This is my rough dream for the setting, a bunch of different pseudo-historical settings all somehow existing in proximity to, but separate from each other. I want to carry some of the philosophical baggage of each into the game but leave out the set-in-stone history. It also gives lots of license for the players and GM to play in a bunch of different scenarios: war-time, peace-time, “peace”-time, pogrom, prosperity, etc.

I use too many semi-colons;

Day 3

Day 3 output:

Chapter 2: A Land of Milk And Honey

The Times

The diversity of locations in the Promised Land means you have a chance to visit pastiches and facsimiles of communities from times and cultures across the span of Jewish history. A given town or community will have its own local flavor, whether that be bronze-age tent dwellers and sheep herders or tight-knit enclaves that seem lifted out of (or rather, still somehow located in) an eastern European town at the beginning of the industrial revolution.

There are only three restrictions on this panoply of choices: first, the time of the Bible is past and even though you may seem to be interacting with Jews from times long gone by, they are not contemporaries of any scriptural or historical figures; second, the Holocaust has not happened and nowhere is post-WWII; and third, no matter the seeming time period, the Temple and Jerusalem have been destroyed, although whether it was razed by enemy armies or demolished as divine punishment is unclear and somewhat mysterious.

Got specific about my ideas for how to make all these times and places coexist, and what kinds of setting(s) I want in the game. I think it implies the right amount and kind of hand-wavey-ness. I might need to explicitly specifiy in the “creating towns” section that these anachronistic elements don’t appear next to each other, each place is a unified setting. Your Prophets are the only things that are out of place but that’s the point. You’re here to unsettle some shit.

#game design #prophets in the promised land #dogs in the vineyard

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easyimagines · 6 years ago

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okay okay so i started school today and made me think... easy head cannons at school!? no idea what that entails, do as little or as much as u like or idk man just came to me

Hi friend. So this is the just the high school AU list so far, but Babe and I are (sort of) working on the college ones. We also got some tips from @barrelbabe5on this, so thank you for your help. -Eugene P.S This is another long one.

Sobel’s a Student Teacher

The group met in JROTC (a ‘training’ group for teens how might be interested in the army. If you join ROTC in college, you join the army)

Gene: joined to get out of real PE but ended up enjoying it

Winters: to build leadership skills for NHS

Nix: had a free hour and wanted time with Dick

Lieb, Lip, Toye, Buck, Guarnere, Bull, Shifty, and Speirs: had actual interest in the army

Web: tried to join but the school messed up his schedule

Luz: to bug Toye (also ended up loving it)

Muck, Penk, and Malark: recruited by Sink because they’d show up at random times to play PE games with everyone and we good at things

Replacements are underclassmen that join in the Toccoa men’s Junior year

Babe: to get closer to Gene

Julian: because Babe joined

Gene runs on coffee to keep with work and his couple AP classes

Babe takes his thermos one day when Gene comes to school with shaking hands

Renee is French exchange students who sticks close to Gene because he’s one of the few people who don’t pester her with questions

Gene giving chocolate to people in the group when they look sad

Lieb wearing a Yamaka (pardon my spelling)

Bill teasing him about it at first

Weekly study groups (Wednesday nights) at Malarkey’s

Science: Gene (Toye for technology science)

Math: Dick -Culinary: Perco and Malark

Geography: Nix -English: Web

Foreign Language: Gene/Rene (French), Web/Lieb (German)

Speirs (at some point) would be the kid to get a detention because he forgot he put his pocket knife in his backpack over the weekend

Gene asking Babe out a month before Junior year ends by sending him the link to “Addicted to You” by Avicii

Babe knowing exactly what it meant

Babe not being hurt or upset over having been asked out over a text

Liebgott asked Web out really causally in German during a study group

Web accepting really excitedly in German

Everyone is confused and doesn’t figure it out until the two are holding hands later

Nix would ask Winters out through a Geography scavenger hunt of “write down the first letters of...countries.” It spelled ‘go out’

Dick not getting it at first so he texts Nix “Go out where, Lew”

Dick would text again two minutes later “Never mind. I’d love to.”

Dick once got in trouble because Nix hid a bottle of alcohol in his locker

It lead to the biggest fight they ever had and they almost broke up

They did patch things over, it just took a week or two

Lieb gets detention pretty often for getting into debate with the German teacher.

“You don’t know the language if you ‘learned’ it from a book. People use slang and contractions in German, ya know?”

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yourdlmatchmaker · 6 years ago

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I think this one is the longest match up I’ve answered so far… :’)

“Hello there, this looked fun. Could I have a long match-up please?

1. Physical appearance: 5'4" (163cm) 100lbs (45kg) very long dark reddish brown hair, dark brown eyes, olive skin (Mix of Thai, English and German) My look has been compared to a scaled down (in height) fashion model – that is long legs, very skinny, high somewhat hollow cheek bones, narrow face and a high forehead with almost no bust to speak of and a teeny tiny waist, I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

2. Personality: Oh my, where do I begin? Well, I’m definitely an extreme introvert. People usually seem to think I come across as very professional and aloof. I try to be kind and courteous to everyone I meet, but if they do or say anything that bothers me I can be a little prickly and sometimes downright vicious. Little do they know though that I’m like that, because I’m terribly shy around strangers and have a very strong desire to make people happy and protect them. I fear getting close to others, because I don’t want to hurt or be hurt and have a very hard time finding people I can bond with in both an intellectual and emotional way, so I hide behind distance and politeness. Just because I’m shy at first though, doesn’t mean I won’t be a chatterbox once you get to know me though. Once I’m comfortable with you I’ll share (almost) all of my ideas, random musings and gripes, if I think you’ll be receptive towards it anyways. That takes a very long time though and so far only two people have gotten to that point with me. For people that I’m friends with normally I tend to act in a sort of motherly way, giving them advice and helping them with their problems – sometimes admittingly to my own detriment. As well as taking care of them when they are sick or having emotional issues. I don’t like to help people, but on some level I feel like I must do so especially if I know them.

I’m normally a very logical person, so much so that I will occasionally say the wrong thing or offer ideas or advice when it’s not what the other person is looking for, which I realize after the fact but because I really like to just ‘fix’ things I have a hard time understanding that sometimes people need to emotionally vent, and I often just get confused by it. I’ll try to “be there” for them despite that but it is still difficult.

Despite my size and shy disposition I’m actually extremely hard to intimidate and will stand up for myself and other people very quickly. It doesn’t matter who my opponent is or how big, strong or powerful they are, I will stand my ground possibly to the end if I believe in my cause strongly enough (though because of my protective nature it is very easy to make me back down by threatening other people). No matter how many feminine things there are that I love, for some reason I always feel like I end up coming across as a bit too masculine and I often feel a bit more male than female. This isn’t necessarily out of a desire to be male, but rather I feel like I have more masculine than feminine qualities and also feel like I am sadly bereft in the supposedly more girlish personality traits of my sex. Despite this though I have no real desire to change my personality or sex, I am who I am after all. Nevertheless I remind people more of their brothers and sons, and my tiny social circle is all boys (at the moment.)

3. Scorpio (Sun), Gemini (Moon), Gemini (Rising) (The last two are important because despite having almost all of the Scorpio traits, once you get to know me I never shut up. ^_^;)

4. Hobbies/Interests: Drawings, painting (I like both fine art and illustration and can work in several different mediums – acrylic, watercolour, marker, ink and even digital art. Fantasy art, Surrealism, Manga and Impressionism are examples of styles I can do, and I’m still working towards improving my hyperrealist style.) I’ve been obsessed with making art since I was a very small child and at this point it’s really become my life’s work. I dedicate so much of my time, energy and resources to this that I forget to eat or sleep and become a bit of a shut-in. Reading: (Most of my books are non-fiction, though I do enjoy some older fiction on occasion – The Silmarillion, The Great God Pan and pretty much anything by H.P. Lovecraft being some examples. My library contains field guides, books on botany, mycology, medicine, artbooks, anatomy, geography, geology, microbiology, mythology, occult/witchcraft, religion, linguistics, phrasebooks, particle physics, cartography, calligraphy, history, psychology, genetics (…probably a lot more but we’ll be here for far too long.) Gardening: I love growing all sorts of things, but especially herbs and flowers. My living area is full of plants of many different kinds and I devote a significant portion of my time and energy to them. I also like to grow tropical plants from the seeds of fruit that I buy at the grocery store. Manga and Anime: I don’t seem immediately like the sort of person who would love popular culture, but the fact that I can enjoy some fun stories while reading or watching in a language that is not my native tongue has always been the main motivation behind this obsession. I’m also madly in love with cute things and ink drawings. Video Games: Another thing people probably wouldn’t expect by looking at me but… I have a HUGE collection of games (on my computer) of many different kinds. Like with anything else I do, I have to play everything in it’s original language (it’s more fun and respects the artistic integrity more.) I mostly like JRPGs and Visual Novels now, but I used to love Sierra games when I was younger, and some FPS like Doom. There is no type of game I won’t play. Though gaming is generally the lowest thing on my list of priorities these days. Cooking: I like to cook, can can do many different styles. Mostly Thai, but also frequently Japanese (both traditional and modern), Italian, German, English etc. I can cook pretty much anything though I don’t like baking as much. (I’m not super fond of sweets, except on the rare occasion when I must have them.) Fashion and Makeup: I am completely unable to leave the house without makeup and sunscreen and always have to make sure my clothing is at least presentable and neat. I actually enjoy applying makeup and like experimenting with it (I hate doing my hair though, the length is too much so I usually bun or ponytail it.) I also like a few Jfashions, Mori-Girl, Otome-kei and Classical Lolita especially. Unfortunately I’m also a very active person so I usually end up dressing in a more Korean style instead (tight high-waisted jeans, long sleeved tight black shirts and heeled boots – is running in heels a skill? XD), but when it’s practical to do so I love wearing the frilliest dresses I can find with a very poofy petticoat, a bonnet and floral designs. Hiking: I like to forage in the forest for mushrooms and plants when I can. I find that the fresh air and beautiful scenery calms me down and energizes me. Studying Languages: I haven’t had as much time for this lately, but it’s a side hobby. Unfortunately Japanese is the only one I’ve gotten particularly far in… (There are not enough hours in the day or night.)

5. I like: Tea (Especially Earl Grey, must be high quality or I get a stomach ache… yeah I know, its true. @_@), coffee (espresso in lattes or specialty black coffee made in a French Press, no drip :P), Self discipline, Quiet time, Nature, Music (all kinds, though especially symphonic metal), WalkingI love: My cats (though I get along quite well with all felinekind and animals in general (save humans :P), Plants (I mean every kind of plant, though trees and flowers stick out a bit), Fungi (even molds, though not when they’re growing on my food), Beautiful things, Art Supplies, Bright and pastel colours, Antiques, Books, Art, Paintings, Illustration, Shopping for art suppliesI dislike: When people look untidy, Foul smells, People that bore me, Small talk, Sloth, Loud noises, Erratic behavior, Selfishness, People who act overtly friendly and try to get close to you too fastI loathe: Cruelty (especially towards animals and children), Cowardice, Deliberate ignorance, People who complain a lot, Irresponsibility

6. I was unable to bond with my sole caregiver due to extreme child abuse and neglect on their part, In addition to that I was not allowed to attend school until my teenage years (I was educated very strictly at home, supposedly because I was too advanced to fit in at school – though it might also have been to keep me prisoner at home all the time. >_<). Due to this I have had a very hard time fitting in with society as my childhood was mostly spent alone, reading, drawing, playing computer games, spending time with the cats that I lived with and going out into nature (I made friends with a couple of squirrels.) Much of what I knew about people and the world was gleaned from books, magazines and the internet – although I was allowed to associate with a few family friends on occasion. I did have a very good intellectual education (though often held to impossible standards), but because I was so cut off from more normal ways of socializing I still have a very hard time relating to other people.“Relationship-wise” I’m umm… actually extremely submissive in private (^_^;) (Not something most people would expect as I seem very proud and dominant normally). I’m also very easy to embarrass as I’m not very comfortable talking directly about certain sorts of… umm… “romantic” things and avoid almost all forms of public affection. Above all else I look for people who can understand and relate to me via interests and experiences and who I can also relate to in the same way. Probably the same thing most people look for… but figured I should mention it. Would rather not be paired up with Ruki, I have a huge personal grudge against him that dates back to More Blood – and a part of me still plots his doom. (I apologize deeply to all the Ruki fans though.)

Hope this wasn’t too long, I feel a bit silly. (^_^;)

Take your time and have fun with this.

Could I please be anonymous?”

Admin Abi: Oh my~ what a long and detailed match up!! I really enjoyed reading it and I NEED to say that I felt identified with many parts!! Well~ I hope you get to see it “anon-chan” ;D and I thank you for the long wait. Long reply for a long match!

*finishing your match up*

Your romantic match is…

Reiji!

I must say/confess…I seriously I thought I was reading Reiji’s female description! I don’t intend to offend you and I apologize if I did. But you see…I want to explain myself a little more as to why I said it…

I'll tell you how you two met! After some time that you were studying in a school, you just wasn’t able to fit. Your parents then decided to change you into a more private school. They even changed you into a night-time school. During that time of the day, they thought you would be able to fit more since there would be less students as well as to keep your high level of education. They sing you up to this school and to be honest you weren’t very sure or excited about it. It would mean to adapt one more time and start all over again. Adapting to the time, education system and…met new people once again. On your first day you had a hard time finding your classroom…you were lost and let’s say you didn’t know exactly how you ended up in the chemistry laboratory. You knocked and…a handsome and elegant man opened. He seemed somehow annoyed, but he asked you what is that you wanted. You showed him your schedule and asked him where you could find your class. He gave you the directions and you thank him. This encounters seem to happen constantly since you seemed to always cross paths. He was always polite (and annoyed) and gave you instructions whenever you needed. One time you asked a girl of your class if she knew him so you could thank him properly for all his help. She was surprised and told you that he was no other that Reiji Sakamaki, the most popular family in school. She was more surprised that you get to be in good terms with the second eldest of the brothers.

“Reiji is well known to be the perfect gentleman…but he is unrechable. He’s cold towards everyone and thinks of himself above all. No one has see him dating any girl and he just closes himself in the chemistry laboratory, yet he is the top student in school. I really think you shouldn’t try to catch him, you’ll end up rejected” the girl told you. It’s not like you had those intentions with him in the first place, you just wanted to thank him. The next day you went to his class and simply left him a small note telling him how greatful you were. He was impressed? You couldn’t tell to be honest. You kept having encounters with him, you discovered that he was a little more open when you both were alone. He showed you his perfectionist nature as his sadist part. Yet…you seem to be unavoidable attracted to him. You of course were polite and a lady at first and that gave you extra points! He never confessed to you directly? He just simply let know that you now belong to him~.

He can’t believe how many things you both have in common. Just like you Reiji has an interest in botanics and science. You both have created a small garden with all types of herbs and a small section with flowers. You two sometimes have disagreements since you both are very logical, so you tend to discuss about some things. There were times in which you had troubles with him since he can’t stand being told what he should do (I mean it wasn’t your intention to offend him…you just tried giving him some advice!). Yet…even Reiji had it difficult to make you afraid…you were so difficult to intimidate, how you do it?.

He also had some troubles accepting or at least trying not to change you that much about your preferences. He sometimes have problems dealing with your more masculine nature…but well no one is 100% perfect. He sighs loudly and you know that you are doing something that is bothering him. He also doesn’t like that you tend to hang more with men that girls, yet he knows that even though you are nice and such with them…no one could provide you with the things he offers for you like a deep connection both mental and emotional. He also don’t mind the fact that you have social problems…I mean he manages to keep you with him almost all the time. He’s pleased whenever you dress like a lday or all cute just for him…it makes him feel good with the fact that he gets to know you better than anyone.

He understands what is like to grow alone and being force (in a way) to always give your best and being the best. He felt like he needed to have you all by himself and you fekt the same. You had someone to care for (well not literally but as a target to your attentions and love) and so has he. He always take care of you no matter the circunstances, he has found you and has no intention to let you go…never!

Your dates are mostly staying at his room, having a nice cup of Earl Grey tea (of the highest quality, who you think he is?) and discussing for hours about deep and serious topics. He enjoys your vast knowledge in literature, sciences, botanics, medice, linguistics, witchcraft (which he also has used), gentics…man, he can talk to you for hours and just like you said there are times you both wished the day had more hours to keep going. Even your drawings, pieces of art and knowledge in general never cease to stop to amaze him (he won’t admit it though…his biggest attempt to praise you, would be telling you “you did a good job” or “Indeed you are right about this”). Your interests are so vast that is incredible to make you both stop (Reiji is the one that always stops the conversation in order to go to sleep). Reiji sometimes have problems with your huge invest of time in your video games…but he accepts that a break once in a while is important. You small walks also doesn’t bother him that much…he has one of his familiars keeping an eye on you at all moments so he doesn’t have to worry and can concetrate on his chores and experiments in peace.

Reiji is a true gentleman: he always remembers the important dates, the things that you like and those you don’t. I can tell you that he knows perfectly that you are rather new when it comes with romantic things, so he doens’t push you into hand holding or kissing since he, himself, doesn’t like it. Your submissive nature with his dominant one makes a great combination, he feels so proud that he gets to see your true nature…and that you show it just for him…not just in a “pervert way”, but also as the chatty and even your akwardness. Because that true self with imperfections and all…is what makes you perfect to his eyes. You are so perfect together: YOU TWO HAVE SO MANY THINGS IN COMMON THAT HE SHOULD THANK HEAVENS FOR SENDING HIM SOMEONE AS PERFECT FOR HIM AS YOU!!

I hope you liked it and that I made sense? I feel that in some parts I wasn’t very clear or…maybe that was just my imagination…?

Either way hope you get to see it and like it of course…and thank you for your patience again!!

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sinehlanhlamasuku · 3 years ago

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“Positionality is the notion that personal values, views and location in time and space influence how one understands the world. In this context, gender, race, class, and other aspects…” (sk.sagepub.com).

I am a heterosexual, Zulu-speaking African young woman. I was raised to fear God but also believe that my ancestors are a great part of my life. I grew up in a home with older brothers and father, and I had my mother as the female figure. I would play marbles and brick cars, PlayStation games (FIFA and GTA) with my brother and never for a day did m mother reprimand me because playing with boys was wrong. Today, I have a lot of male friends that I trust and care for dearly. I grew up in mid-suburban part of a small town. My family is in the middle-class and so I have never struggled to get by in life. I watched seen my mother go above and beyond to provide for me, and my father waking up for work and failing to but me a lollipop. I believe in the need of gender equality in households as I have been raised in a home where my mother and I were entitled to cleaning after the men in the home. I have seen the people close to me suffer in the hands of their partners and told myself that I would never let someone I know, or even myself rather, go through ill treatment by their significant other, with no emotional support and with no justice. The lived experiences are what define my position in gender inequality and domestic violence in homes. My mother’s teachings and how she guided me to view the world, including the community I was raised in, influenced greatly how I carry myself in front of others and how I perceive the world.

Positionality impacting assessment:

When running an assessment in the confined spaces or in the waiting lines, the space is shared by the therapist and the individual being assessed or the caregiver (England, 2000) & (Bourker,2014). These are two individuals with different identities. Positionality is a part of our identities that is shaped by our perceptions of things or other and how things are done. Assessment can not be conducted well with biases in the room. Through acknowledging and recognizing your perceptions of things, biases and stereotypes, insight is gained on how to approach assessment, home for home visits and the level of engagement with the community members (Bourke, 2014).

This could be closely related to cultural formulation, where we are required to look at and to make sure that it does not impede intervention. Fernendez & Diaz (2002) stated that cultural formulation was made up of the individual’s cultural beliefs and the cultural elements in the client-therapist relationship, except with positionality, its not only your cultural beliefs but also life perceptions and teachings.

When assessing a few days ago, I sat down with the lady in the room where she revealed that her injury was a result of a fight with her boyfriend because he was drunk and accused her if flirting with the other. He was at the clinic with her as she went to go get her bandage changed. The first question I was tempted to ask was “have you gone to the police station” but then I thought to myself, why does that concern me? Why is that the first question I would initially ask? I thought to myself it’s because I believe that any woman being ill-treated by their partner should be motivated and to leave or she might die in the hands of the man, and find justice for herself. The young lady went on to explain that she is currently staying with her boyfriend because her family had sent her away. She looked happy when talking about how he has since after the fight, been so helpful and supportive, he has even encouraged her to reconcile with her family. My biases in the room had to be put aside. I would not want her to feel judge, resulting in withdrawal from the interview and agreeing to functional rehabilitation, as her results for her actions are a result of certain situations, which are only relevant and known by her in the room.

Positionality while working in community and creating treatment programme:

The community I am based in is one of the oldest settlements which is predominated by Zulu-speaking Africans. It is further divided into townships of different beliefs, values and positions in life. In the community there are who are really on the poverty line while others area at least at mid-level. A study run by (Government: Local and Provincial Government, 2005) revealed that 75% of the households earned below R9600 per annum. This study was conducted between 3 areas and one of them is the community I am based in.

Being in the community has not been a great change as I am Zulu-speaking and am a young girl like woman in the community. The people in the area of the community that I am in that have been seeing are not on the poverty line but also not at mid-level. In the community, I advocate for special attention to special needs and also value seeing others engaged in something meaningful to better their lives. I met a mother who has a baby that is different from peers. After my assessment and interview with the mother, I looked at the calendar to try find a date I can book for a follow-up intervention with the little boy. I found a date and told her and response was “I’ll see if some can give me the money”. She expressed that even coming to change all the pressure sore bandages was already too exhausting for her. I realized at that moment that, that meant there was an 80% chance of her not coming back because of not getting the money. I asked her how far it was because it was really important, she expressed that she fully understood the importance but she was just exhausted and her child is really heavy. Pushing for her to do the what was exhausting both emotionally and physically would not reinforce any of my interventions. I sat down and changed my home programme. I provided with more exercises and made double sure again that there were implemented. My belief of women having to do bigger and better things in life would mot let me lt her leave the office without a motivation and assurance that she is not alone, which actually would mainly be what brings her back.

In conclusion, how I was raised and taught while growing up greatly contributes to how you approach people, address people and treat them. Once your eyes have been opened to positionality, you question where you stand in every situation and conversation. As an Occupational Therapist, it may get a lot symptoms with meeting different and new people, but it always important in assessment and intervention to take a step back, and make sure that you are not doing things that you think are proper or making suggestions that you think are feasible, because you would be able to. Get into the shoes of the other person and think if it feasible and appropriate for them.

Reference List:

Benny Warf. General Geography, Earth & Environmental Science. Encyclopaedia of Geography. https://sk.sagepub.com/reference/geography/n913.xml

Bourke, B. (2014). Positionality: Reflecting on the research process. The Qualitative Report, 7P (How To Article 18), 1-9. Retrieved from http://www.nova.edu/ssss/QR/QR19/bourke18.pdf

England, K. V. L (1994). Getting personal: Reflexivity, positionality, and feminist research. The Professional Geographer, 46(1), 80-89.

Government: Local and Provincial Government. (2005). Inanda, Ntuzuma, KwaMashu (INK) odal Economic Development Profile (p. 5). Kwa-Zulu Natal.

Lewis-Fernández, R., & Díaz, N. (2002). The cultural formulation: a method for assessing c

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benfriday-blog1 · 7 years ago

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That One Time... In Hell!

Part One: Ben’s Inferno

Growing up, my mother used to worry that the games I was playing would inspire me to worship the Devil. That one night me and my buddies would be sitting around the table in my basement and one of us would say “Hey guys, did you read that passage in the Dungeon Master’s Guide about how to serve the Devil through human sacrifice?” and that would be it; our souls condemned forever. We’d be in Hell before the Cheeto dust had time to settle on our adolescent fingers. As it turns out, she wasn’t far off.

No, Dungeons and Dragons did not lead me to worship the Devil. I don’t actually worship anything, which was just as bad in the eyes of my Roman Catholic mother. Still, if I’m being honest, it was probably the fantasy games and novels that I used to obsess over that sparked my interest in magic, and magic would eventually lead me to Hell. Just not in the way my mother expected.

It was 2008. I was 23 years old, mom was dead, and I was living on my own for the first time in her run-down house on North Mulberry Street in the dilapidated town of Muncie, Indiana. I wasn’t working, I was in a punk band, and magic was paying the bills.

If you’re reading this sometime in the future and don’t know what “punk” was, it was a type of music that went out of style shortly before I was born. Not that it had ever been in style; that would have defeated the point... Wait. Was there a point?

Anyway, I was still very much an amateur then; I had only started taking the Arts seriously a few years earlier mostly to impress a girl. At the time I was experimenting with teleportation. No one calls it that by the way; No traditional Occult Magicians, your Aleister Crowleys and August Santanas (you know, the ones who take themselves seriously) always come up with shit like "translocation" or "matter displacement" but it’s teleportation. You start in one place and end up somewhere else by traveling through space but not time. It’s fucking Star Trek baby.

In my case, I was trying to find a way to travel from point to point on this plane by moving through another. I got the idea from Dreams in the Witch House by Howard Philip Lovecraft. Yeah, I know I’m well-read as shit. In the book, our protagonist believes that through a combination of arcane knowledge and higher mathematics it might be possible to step out of our world and into another, then with another step, return to our world at a point of our choosing. For me, this point was Las Vegas where I was planning to use the gift of clairvoyance to cheat at cards.

I won’t bore you with the details of how I came to solve this metaphysical puzzle because, for the most part, the details were just that boring. Most magic is boring, at least when you’re first trying to figure it out. You decide what you want to do, or rather what you want magic to do for you via rewriting the laws that govern the universe; Then it’s a lot of equations, a lot of poring over musty old tomes, a lot of ordering components off of the Internet and then looking for a way off of the government watch list you inevitably wind up on. It’s a good thing I did eventually master teleportation because I'm never going to be allowed on another plane for as long as I live.

The day of my big experiment, I found myself back in the basement where my friends and I used to spend our Saturday nights before we learned how to talk to girls. I moved the old table to one side of the room, folded up the metal chairs we’d stolen from Sunday school, and started to open my mind to the universe. No wards to protect me from what might be out there, no groundings to hold me to this world, I let my sigils and equations do their work. They ran through my subconscious the way a program might run in the background on your computer. The spell began loosening my grip on the reality.

I closed my eyes and I saw it, a spark, a flicker of light in the darkness like a match being struck out in space. It was the light of another dimension, one parallel to my own. All I needed to do was walk towards it and I would leave this place behind.

The most disturbing thing about magic is when it actually works. Most of the time it doesn’t, but when it does-- when you successfully throw back the curtain-- it almost always leaves you feeling a little smaller. You think you’d feel bigger, more powerful, having just made reality your bitch, but you don’t. Instead, you’re simply reminded of how much you don’t know about the universe. How much you’ll never understand.

Take teleportation for example. I was twenty-three when I successfully moved from one world into another. That means that for the first twenty-three years of my life I didn’t know you could do that. For seventeen of those years, I didn't even believe that other dimensions existed; not really. On that cold, autumn day in the basement of the house where I grew up, my universe got a little bit bigger. Turns out old H.P. was right.

I moved towards the light. With one step, I left Muncie, Indiana behind and with another I was in Hell.

Seriously, it was the actual Hell.

Like I said, I’m not religious but I had been raised Catholic. I know what Hell is supposed to look like.

Presently, I was standing on a precipice overlooking a lake of fire. Not lava mind you, just fire. Rolling orange flames were dancing across the surface of a great pit as men and women writhed in agony amongst its waves.

Oh yeah, there were people, too. In the lake of fire.

At first, all I could do was stare. There was something wrong with this picture. I mean, aside from the fact that I was watching people burning in a lake of fire. No, not burning. That was the problem. They were in a state of perpetual agony, but otherwise, they looked fine. Their skin wasn’t blackening or boiling or peeling off. That’s what sold it for me that this was Hell-- the fire that burned but did not consume.

Ok, so I was in Hell. Not what I expected, but also not a problem. My spell had worked. One more step and I’d be back on Earth, on the Las Vegas Strip. Probably drinking heavily. I closed my eyes, let my mind drift back into “the zone”. I looked for the light of my own world, I took a step. Nothing. I was still in Hell.

Fuck.

I didn’t have to open my eyes to know my spell had failed. I could tell from the heat and the smell. God, the smell! The rotten egg smell I would have expected; that’s just brimstone. What got me was the smell of rot-- that pungent, wet decay that permeated the place, and something else too, like piss and wet animal hair.

Imagine you’re going to visit your uncle, whom you haven’t seen or heard from in months. Now, imagine you walked into his trailer to find that he had died. Next, imagine that his body had been eaten by his twelve or so cats, all of which lived with him in his small trailer with only one litter box. Finally, imagine that in the weeks that followed, the cats had also died. Oh, and the trailer is on fire. That’s what Hell smells like.

I opened my eyes. “Shit.” I closed them again. Took another step. Opened my eyes. “Shit!” Closed my eyes, stepped, opened them. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” I was still in Hell! This was bad, like really bad. As far as I knew, this was the worst and last fuck up of my life. I was wrong on both accounts.

Still, it had half worked. I was probably the first living human to have ever set foot here. I took solace in that thought even though I was pretty sure I was going to be the first to die here as well. Where would I go? I mean, Hell exists and I dabbled in the dark arts so… I may have bet on the wrong horse.

I started to look around, trying to take in my surroundings. If I was going to get out of this mess, I would have to start by getting my bearings and coming up with a plan. Or, failing that, I’d have to pull something out of my ass.

I was still standing on the edge of Lake Friday. Yeah, I named a lake after myself. I’m a pio-fucking-neer. I could just make out the other side-- a barren, rocky coast led to a dark wall of obsidian that surrounded the perfectly round lake. Beyond the wall, I couldn’t see anything, just empty space on the horizon. That’s when I made the mistake of looking up.

Just beyond the horizon, there was another land mass. It was huge and just kind of floating there in space-- a massive ring of black Earth so big I couldn’t make out all of it. I had the feeling it was at least twice the size of where I was now. Beyond it, I could just make out the edge of another floating mass. It was like all of Hell was one big funnel in space made up of multiple rings… No, not rings-- circles. Like I said, I couldn’t make out all of it, but I had a feeling there were nine of them. Nine circles, and I was at the bottom. Bens fucking inferno.

So, Hell was real and made up of roughly the same geography described by the poet Dante. not exactly the same (I'm pretty sure the bottom was supposed to be frozen and where I was standing was hot as balls) but it was close enough to make me wonder if inferno had in fact been a work of fiction. what made the whole situation worse was that I could see the ceiling. Yeah, instead of black space or stars or whatever I saw a rocky ceiling, like the roof of a cave where stalagmites hung down like fangs in the mouth of the beast. Hell, maybe they were.

What did it mean? Was Hell in a cave? Was I actually under the Earth? If I dug straight up would I be in Jerusalem like in Inferno? No, that couldn’t be right. My spell had half worked; I had separated myself from the material plane. This was another dimension, and aside from the books I had read and the stuff I was told in Sunday school, I really had no frame of reference from which to try and understand the place. No way to wrap my head around another world where none of the rules of my own applied.

I needed to get out of the open. I turned and surveyed my immediate surroundings. Behind me was about a hundred feet of rocky coastline that ended at an obsidian wall that wrapped around the circle. Set into the wall was an archway, beyond which I could see only blackness.

I approached the archway. I had no idea what was on the other side, but I also had nowhere else to go. Even after I was right in front of it, I couldn’t see inside; It was just too damn dark. I reached out a hand to make sure it wasn’t just part of the wall. Sure enough, my hand moved into open space.

As much as I needed to get out of the open, I wasn’t willing to stumble blindly into the mouth of the beast. I dug in my pocket for my keys. On my keychain was a red plastic lightsaber I had pulled out of a cereal box. I took the saber off of the keychain and snapped off the blade, underneath was a tiny light bulb. I pressed the button on the side and a pencil-thin beam of light shot from the end of the toy. Not much of a torch, but it would have to do.

I aimed the beam through the archway. The light struck the darkness and vanished. It didn’t even begin to illuminate that space; in fact, I’m pretty sure it got darker. It was like the light was just being swallowed up by shadow.

“Fuck that,” I said a little louder then I should have. There was no force on Earth or heaven that would get me into that… Hell cave.

I turned back towards the lake, not really sure where to go next. That was when I saw my first demon. It was big-- like really big, fucking humongous. It had a broad, muscular body covered in red scales, goat-like legs, and a bull’s head with 3 foot long horns and shaggy black hair. It was flying over the lake on a set of massive, membranous wings like those of a giant bat.

I stood there dumbfounded; I was too scared to run, too fascinated to look away. I watched as the demon swooped over Lake Friday, scanning the writhing masses. There was something familiar about it. A moment later it was joined by two more bull-faced bat-fuckers which swooped down from the circle above.

The first dropped into the fire and came up holding a human woman in his claws. She was shrieking as he tossed her into the air over the lake where she was caught by one of the new arrivals. It held her by one arm, allowing her to dangle over the pit. She screamed and squirmed as he held her there for the others in the fire to see.

I suddenly realized that these creatures weren’t just tormenting this one human; they were using her to instill fear in the others. It wasn’t enough that they were burning forever, they also had to know that things could still get worse. They had to have that constant anxiety hanging over their heads. Fear-- it was like the icing on the Devil’s birthday cake. Finally, the other newcomer swooped in and grabbed the woman by the other arm.

I knew what was coming and I didn’t want to see it. I squeezed my eyes shut, but I could still hear it. There was a scream, then a pop, followed by a wet, sloshing sound like a water balloon to the ear. When I opened my eyes, the woman was gone and two of the demons were flying back towards the other circle. The third was staring down at me.

I turned and ran for the archway. I said there was no force on Earth or heaven that could get me into that cave; turns out there are a few forces in Hell that could. I barreled headlong into the blackness and…

“What the fuck? “

I found myself standing in what I could only describe as… a break room. Like, a really shitty break room. The floors were made from rusted metal grates, the walls were stained and moldy but otherwise, it was a definitely a break room. There were plastic-topped tables surrounded by metal folding chairs, a couple of vending machines and a counter with a sink and a coffee maker.

I looked down. I was standing on a glowing, white tile marked with a pentagram. I had seen this before. Not in dreams or visions, not in the pages of some unholy grimoire, or during a dark rite, but in Doom. The video game. I swear to God, it was one of the teleporters from Doom! I must have played that game a million times. Speaking of games, I suddenly realized why I recognized that demon. It was Pit Fiend- Lord of Devils and Servant of Asmodeus from Dungeons and Dragons. Holy shit, it looked like it had been pulled right from the pages of the Monster Manual. What the literal Hell was going on here?

No sooner had I stepped off of the teleporter than the door to my left (the door marked with a little picture of a horned demon with the word ‘men’s room’ written under it) opened and another demon stepped out. It was massive, with green scaly legs and a muscular body covered in thick brown hair. Its arms ended in two sets of writhing tentacles and most disturbing of all were its two baboon-like heads.

“Demogorgon!?” I asked aloud before I could stop myself. The bi-cranial ape turned to face me.

“What? Wait…Who the fuck are you?”

I turned to run back to the teleport only to be stopped dead in my tracks. Pit Fiend had followed me, and was now standing on the pad staring down at me and wearing a dumbfounded expression on its face.

“Yo, Phil,” called Demogorgon. “You seeing this shit?”

“I… I think so,” replied the unholy terror apparently called Phil. “Is that… a human? Like, a live one?”

I think it is… Oh God, how did it even get in here?”

“I don’t know. I saw It near the Stygian Pit. At first, I thought one of the damned had managed to claw their way out but It's wearing clothes and It has a heartbeat. Oh God! What are we going to do!?”

Phil took a couple of nervous steps back. Away from me. Like he was scared.

“Calm down, Phil! It’s ok… It’s going to be ok. I’m going to try and talk to It.”

Demogorgon then turned his attention back to me. He swallowed hard, cleared his throat.

“Uh, Hello… human. I am Trevor the Tormenter. I’m uh… Assistant Manager of General Torment here on the eighth circle. Oh, and this is Phil. He’s on the Disembowelment Board. Say Hello, Phil.”

“He-he-Hello… human.”

They were afraid, and once more, it seemed I was the thing they were afraid of. The demons… were afraid of me. What was it they called me? Not just human, but living human. Was it possible that these horrors only had power over the dead? I decided that maybe it was time I took control of the situation.

“Hey, guys. I’m Ben Friday. Nice to meet you.”

“Uh… yeah,” said Trevor, seeming to relax a little. “Nice to meet you, too. Always nice to meet a… living human.”

“You seem a little nervous there, Trevor. you ok?”

“What? Nervous? No… No, I’m not… I’m cool, man. I’m good.”

“I’m not!” Exclaimed Phil, who was actually shaking. “I’m fucking terrified! How… how did you get here? What do you want? What are you going to do to us?”

“Shut up, Phil!” Trevor shouted with some urgency.

“Do to you? Phil, come on. You’re a big, scary demon. What could a little human like me possibly do to you?”

“Don’t… Don’t give me that.” Phil stammered. “I work with the damned souls of humans every day. I’ve read your files; I know the shit you people get up to when you’re alive.”

Suddenly it all made sense. These guys spend their entire lives managing the worst of the worst that humanity has to offer. Guys like Hitler, Dahmer, and Manson. If they thought we were all just like those guys, then, of course, the last thing they would want is to see one of us running loose in their backyard.

“Just today,” Phil continued, “I was tormenting the soul of Queen Mary.”

“You mean Bloody Mary?” Trevor cut in. “Man, that chick burned more people at the stake than I have.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Ok, but you guys do torture people.”

The demons were silent for several moments. Finally, Trevor spoke up.

“Well… yeah. I suppose we do.”

"You suppose you torture people?”

“Ok, yes, we do. But at least when we torment the souls of the damned, we do it because it’s our job!”

“Your Job?!”

“Well yeah,” started Phil, getting back into the conversation. “I mean, it’s not like we enjoy this sort of thing. Not the way you humans do. It’s just our job, it’s why we were created. Why I even find the whole business rather dull and tedious most of the time. Real nine-to-five slog, you know? Especially after you’ve been at it for a few thousand years.”

“You humans though!" continued Trevor. "the things you do to each other, usually just because you can… It makes my skin crawl."

“You have got to be kidding me. I just watched you pluck a woman out of a fire and dismember her.”

“Yeah, I did do that; it’s part of my routine. But you guys, what you do to each other can be way worse than anything we could think up.”

“Ok. Ok.” I said, putting up my hands. The two demons took a hesitant step back as though they expected me to start biting. “What we have here is a classic example of what we Earthlings call a sampling error.”

“A what, now?”

“A sampling error. Look, it’s like how on my world, in my country, a lot of people are afraid of immigrants right now. They turn on their TVs, and they see Fox News talking about all these different cases of immigrants committing violent crimes. Suddenly, they start thinking that all immigrants are violent criminals.”

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah, except it’s all bullshit meant to push an agenda. People think immigrants are criminals because they aren’t seeing all the immigrants that aren’t criminals. In fact, immigrants are less likely to commit violent crimes than the people who are born in the country, but you��d never know that by watching the news. Because “immigrants are coming to steal our jobs and rape our women” makes for a better headline than “some people just suck”.”

“So, you’re saying that humans aren’t so bad. That we only think they are because we only see the really bad ones.”

“Exactly. See, Phil gets it.”

“Yeah, ok, hu… I mean Ben,” said Trevor. “Maybe not all humans are as bad as the ones we have here. Honestly, I wouldn’t know. All I know about the souls I manage is what I read off of their rap sheets. Could be the rest of you are all saints, but that’s not what I’m worried about right now. I’m worried about you. Who you are, why you’re here, and what you plan to do.”

“Well, guys, that’s kind of a long story. Basically, I’m here by accident. I’m kind of a magician, you see. I cast a spell that was supposed to take me to Las Vegas and I wound up here instead. Now I’m just trying to get back home.”

“Oh,” said Trevor, letting out a sigh of relief. “That’s not so bad. I thought maybe this was some sort of invasion or coup.” The big demon chuckled. “But you say you didn’t even mean to be here?”

“No, and I’d kind of like to get back so… There a way out of here?”

“None that I know of. We’re more about keeping things in than letting things out. No, we’ll have to take you to see Lu. He’ll know how to handle this.”

“Lu?”

“Yeah, he’s kind of the boss.”

“Ok, so is he like the General Manager of Torment? “

“Oh no. That’s Larry; this is way above his pay grade. No, we’re taking you to the big boss, Lucifer Morningstar. He kind of runs the show down here.”

Just like that, just when I felt like I had a handle on things, my blood ran cold. “The Devil. You’re taking me to meet the Devil.”

“The one and only.” Phil winked.

Trevor made a show of ushering me toward the door. “Right this way…Human.”

#paranormal #occult #hell #supernatural #magic #urban fantasy #dark comedy #comedy #ben friday #creative writing #short story

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kevinjamesisagiantpeach · 4 years ago

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The Zookeeper- Ryan & Susie in Conversation

Susie: So Ryan, what do you remember about the Zookeeper two weeks later? What immediately jumps out to you about it?

Ryan: “Show her your puddin’ cup!” jumps out at me.

S: How did I forget about that part? I was thinking about the sad gorilla cake. My number one thing about that movie was that heinous gorilla costume. It was on my top five list of topics “bad gorilla costume” and Kevin James just sitting in the gorilla pen talking to the gorilla. Am I remembering wrong or was that half of the movie?

R: There was a lot of time spent in the gorilla pen. I feel like we have hit both extremes of animal movies. We hit the animal movie where they were making the animals do too many things that ended up being too much and too creepy, like dancing and singing and CGI wiggling… stuff...

S: Wearing pants

R: Yes! Wearing pants and stuff. So, we hit that extreme and then in The Zookeeper, we sort of hit the extreme where animals were just acting like boring people.

S: Like standing around A LOT, like a ton of animal loitering. The zoo would close, the animals would loiter. They’d confer about Kevin James, decide to take action but their action was to circle around Kevin James.

R: Yeah. You know what is funny? There were no animal-related hijinx, other than the gorilla going to TGI Friday’s which is also really boring.

S: It’s truly boring but when I tell you there are so many clips of it on Youtube. People love that scene where he is the van listening to the Apple Bottom Jeans song with the gorilla. I was searching…I have to say there are parts of The Zookeeper that I like. I have to say that Rosario Dawson was a champ throughout this film. I don’t feel like we have seen, to date, sort of Kevin James love interest that has been as game as she has for the ridiculous hijinks and pratfalls. She made the most sense so far.

R: Yeah. She was good, actually, and I think because they worked together and sort of had a friendship through work, when they got together, you weren’t like, “Oh, how did that happen?”

S: Like Paul Blart and the hair extensions woman.

R: Yeah. No. That was weird. That was not appropriate.

S: So forced and then Salma Hayek who seemed to genuinely hate his character in Here Comes the Boom. Or not even hate but sort of..but yea, revile. She definitely wasn’t a fan.

R: Definitely not respect. I do not know why she ended up jumping on that train, but I have a feeling it was nothing to do with his personality.

S: It was because he saved just the music teacher’s job. At the end of the movie, the shocking part is… not to talk about Here Comes the Boom again, but I could, forever… it’s not saving the school’s budget, it’s just saving a teacher. In the same way, that in the Zookeeper he stops selling cars to save the gorilla? Is that right? The gorilla, there’s nothing even happening with the gorilla? That was sort of a red herring?The one guy bullied the gorilla but nothing ever came of it?

R: Well, the one guy bullied the gorilla, which I feel like could have been solved by reporting that guy to their boss.

S: Instead of just kicking him

R: Yeah, he just sort of killed that guy, I guess. I don’t know.

S: He got murdered

R: Yeah, that guy got murdered. But [Griffon] knew about it before then. I feel like if [Griffon said something along the lines of, “I suspect [Shane] is abusing the gorilla. I think we should put a camera in there.” That probably would have solved that problem. I feel like he never went to Step A before he went to killing that guy.

S: And also, it’s like the zoo wanted to punish the gorilla, when again, it’s an animal, it’s a wild animal, not even a domesticated animal. So they were like… he kinda, I don’t even think he bit the guy, so he doesn’t get a nice cage anymore, we put him in a shitty cage. This is not a moral thing that the zoo is doing. So that is my other question, why is no one ever at the zoo? Did they spend all the money on wedding extras and TGIFridays extras. But that zoo feels closed all of the time. No one is there but the employees and that’s why the animals loiter so much.

R: That’s true. There is definitely a financial crisis happening with that zoo.

S: And we never figured out what city it was in, we conjectured San Francisco

R: Didn’t we eventually think they were in Boston?

S: Oh yea, we Googled it

R: We eventually find out it’s in Boston, and that is also the final song of the movie is [by the band] Boston.

S: I think it’s so weird to have a movie set in Boston and then not have anything Boston related at all. They could have been anywhere. They might have been anywhere. Probably filmed in Quebec.

R: I do wonder if people from Boston would recognize that zoo somehow, if it’s iconic enough that if you actually had been to the zoo in Boston, you would be like, “Oh, I know exactly where that is.”

S: I don’t even feel like we even see that much of it The pudding cup scene that you mentioned where he pisses all over the place. I feel like we’re in the pen a lot, the aforementioned gorilla pen we’re in all the time, we see the eagles, we see Rosario Dawson’s lab but I would be hard pressed to tell you more of that zzo. I can’t even placed in the geography of the zoo where the engagement party was.

R: It also seemed like that zoo was just one very small area. It felt like everything was very clos to everything else

S: Basically the animals were stacked somehow.

R: This was a strange movie. I feel like we were supposed to think that Paul Blart was very committed and saving the animals--

S: Paul Blart? I love that this is basically Paul Blart, reconfigured, reconstituted

R: What is his name in the movie, again? It begins with a “G.” He’s got a strange name.

S: Gordon? I don’t remember

R: No, it’s not Gordon. I’ll look it up. I think it is definitely worth knowing his name because it is so odd.

S: I feel like I can never hold on to the names of Kevin James’s characters because it’s always shades of Kevin James. I’ve started talking about Kevin James in casual conversation at this point. Where I say things like “I think Kevin James is really happy with his life.” And different aspects of his acting.

R: I feel like he does have his shit together. *frantically typing and having computer trouble*

S: In the bloopers in the credits where he just, I guess it was in between takes, he just turns to the camera and says all of America hates me right now. I think its funny to think about, Adam Sandler is so mad that people don’t like his movies. Kevin James knows and doesn’t give a fuck. And it reminds me of when Tyler Perry was on Black AF and he’s talking about how people hate his movies and he’s like guess what, I sell a lot of tickets and I’m making movies that are true to my heart. If people don’t like that then fuck that because this is what I’m doing. And that’s why they’re all over the place because Kevin James is a complicated man.

R: Well, I think, like Tyler Perry-- I am actually glad you brought up his name because now I am enjoying this connection-- I feel like you can either relate to it or you can’t. If you can relate to Tyler Perry’s movies, then they’re funny. You’re like, “Yes. I get that. I enjoy this. This feels real to me.” I feel like Kevin James is a little bit like that, too. It’s easy to watch it and go, “Who would ever watch this?” But then when you actually think about it, it’s like-- no-- this is probably funny if you find something relatable in this situation.

R: I guess the running joke is that Kevin James is a squat, fat guy who is extremely dorky and awkward and falls in love with every woman he meets and in every movie, he is doomed to be that person, and if that is what you feel like in your life, it is probably funny to watch it.

S: He’s a millionaire so it’s the total bright side of that. Sure he might be all these things but he’s married to a beautiful woman and has this family and life that seems pretty fulfilling and what we have learned from his shorts is he is a legitimately good actor. He could just be a good actor which I could not get over. Why don’t we see more of this? Why doesn’t this show up in his movies? Is it because the writing is so bizarre?

R: I think the writing is one of the main culprits. We watch these movies and hit those points when Kevin James is funny. The fact that we’ve seen it is proof that [the problem] is not his ability to land a joke. It’s more the script. The script is just too flat in a lot of these movies. In Zookeeper, the script was-- it was hard to grab on to why you care what is happening.

S: Yes

R: His name is Griffin, by the way.

S: Oh, o yea, it’s like a last name first name

R: It’s probably because it’s an animal name.

S: I feel the Zookeeper suffers from what most of the movies he’s in suffers from which is tonal confusion. At first we’re like ok we have this guy who loves his job, total Kevin James thing, loves rules, total Kevin James thing, and is hopelessly in love with a woman who is not going to love him back to the same degree, total Kevin James thing. But then all of a sudden of all these red pill MRA shit themes start coming in. And we’re like who is this? This is not my Kevin James. And the thing is that those parts of the film feel icky. Like that part of the film feels so much more Grown Ups than anything else we’ve seen him in. Where I’m like David Spade would someone totally do this. Like you could see this showing up on his Twitter feed like “make a woman feel bad about herself”

R: I think that is one of the things that I find most troubling about Kevin James movies. I don’t want Kevin James movies to be low key sexist or high key sexist. It’s hard to tell where on the spectrum these movies fall.

S: Because of the tonal confusion

R: Yes because of the tonal confusion. It’s a weird combination of he’s putting these women on a pedestal and sometimes he’s forming genuine relationships that you can appreciate with these women. They are always strong. They are not really vapid in these movies. These are smart capable women. These characters in the are interesting people who you are like, yes, I respect this person. And then I think where it falls apart is the way he actually gets women. That’s when it starts to become creepy. So, if you learn how to manipulate women, you can just get them?

S: There’s no seeing him stick the landing. There’s no reason that the relationship goes from kind of contentious to they’re making fun of each other and there’s no real chemistry like in Here Comes the Boom, the connection between him and Salma Hayek, I’m honestly can’t remember if they actually got together or not but I know the movie was trying to take us by the hand. And I’m like we don’t need this. This can just be about his super intense friendship with Henry Winkler, Henry Winkler’s unorthodox home life and then finding himself through MMA fighting. I don’t need this romantic relationship shoe horned in. Almost in the same way as Paul Blart, the end game in Paul Blart did not need to be a woman and then it wasn’t in the second one but they kinda wanted us to want it to be. That whole plot thread with him, the hotel manager, and the security guard, what was that? I know this isn’t Zookeeper and we keep getting off subject but I think this is relevant,

R: I’m just saying, Paul Blart had a threesome with those people. I’m throwing it out there.

S: Oh 1000%

S: He’s negging them! It makes sense that he would end up with them. I predicted this. I knew this would happen. I orchestrated the whole thing. Are we then supposed to believe that Griffin also became awakened to this sort of pick up artist technique?

R: He didn’t use it on Rosario Dawson. They actually did the opposite. They had a rip roaring good time at that wedding and that’s why they got together. I think that is why this is the most painless Kevin James romantic interest matchup because when they get together you’re like, Yeah, I get that. You got invited to this wedding as a friend. You had an awesome time. You both acted ridiculous, probably destroyed this wedding, but enjoyed yourselves, and after that, you decided to be more than friends. That is actually an understandable sequence of events.

R: The negging thing-- I think we were supposed to be made to understand that it worked on Leslie Bibb because she is a shallow gold digger and those are the only types of guys that she goes out with, specifically.

S: Ok which is a perfect transtition to why is Joe Rogan in this movie? Are they BFFs why is Joe Rogan in these fucking movies?

R: I would say I think he just likes playing a douchebag in Kevin James movies, but I don’t know. It’s hard to say.

S: I am not under the impression that he is part of the Adam Sandler cabal so we have determined that Kevin James puts his brothers and his friends in all of his films.

R: And his wife.

S: And his wife. So he is the light side to Adam Sandler’s dark side. Does that then mean, that Joe Rogan is part of the Kevin James posse? Cause I really feel like we are coming onto something here.

R: Well, they must be friends, somehow.

S: We don’t see the reoccurrence of actors in these movies unless they’re friends. Because once you’re in a Zookeeper or Here Comes the Boom, you only need to be in one of these. You can just sort of live off residuals. Unless there is a different draw, you don’t really need to be in another.

R: Here is a Joe Rogan tweet from October 11, 2012, promoting Here Comes the Boom:

https://twitter.com/joerogan/status/256578871380549633?s=20

S: So this is definitely a branding thing

R: I wonder if it started with Here Comes the Boom, where Joe Rogan was in that movie because it was an Ultimate Fighter Movie, I guess.

S: Yes

R: And then maybe they did become friends because of that and decided to do more movies after that?

S: And then Joe Rogan’s podcast only took off later like he didn’t become the podcast guy until maybe 2015.

R: So, yeah, I guess that would kind of make sense is they would come up in their careers together through Kevin James movies, in part.

S: That’s so interesting though because that puts Kevin James in the power position in his friendship with Joe Rogan.

R: Yes. I actually did find an article. If you Google, “Kevin James Joe Rogan Friendship.”

S: As I do, every night before I go to bed but go ahead and tell me.

R: I don’t know what sherdog.com is. I don’t know what it is. It’s the global authority on mixed martial arts website.

S: I’m so glad this is going to be on your web history, your browser history. John’s going to be like “Ryan, are you ok?’

R: So, this is an article from October 11, 2012, entitled “Kevin James’ Friendship with Bas Rutten, Joe Rogan, Inspired Here Comes the Boom”

S: So they were already friends then went and wrote a movie?

R: Supposedly, they interviewed Kevin James. Oh, look-- you can listen to the full interview.

Interesting

R: So, they went on Sherdog Radio Network’s Beatdown Show

S: I love these words

R: And then they asked him where he got the idea for an MMA comedy and he said It really came from Joe Rogan and I talking. I’ve always wanted to try to incorporate some mixed martial arts into a movie, and Joe and I were talking about how we could make it a comedy. It seems difficult to do without making it goofy and jokey … . The challenge was just kind of getting a blend of real comedy and real moments and also infusing that with realistic MMA.”

S: So that makes so much more sense why Here Comes the Boom was so confusing. They were trying to do a lot. I think this whole project is going to lead me to listening to a ton of Kevin James interviews to just try to figure out what was the kernel that this bizarre movie started as and how the fuck did it end up where it is. And I’m going to definitely look up what lead to the Zookeeper because if this is what led to Here Comes the Boom that means the Zookeeper was Kevin James was a at a zoo and thought what if the animals could talk and give me love advice.

R: It sounds like he and Joe Rogan are friends just because they are both comedians.

S: So Joe Rogan is big at the Comedy Store and I wonder if Kevin James used to do stand up there? Cause Joe Rogan one of THE people on the LA comedy scene. I feel like we’re going to end up writing a book about Kevin James someday.

R: I would be fine with that. Could you imagine if we actually got the opportunity to interview Kevin James?

S: I would love that. I feel like… and I’m going to take a big swing right now…he is the connective tissue that holds Hollywood together. But for real, we’re finding out that he low key has just been…and long term fans would think I’m ridiculous for saying this, I feel like he’s been kinda flying under the radar in a way that I’m unaware of. But think about how few actors get to act as long as he’s been acting. He’s been around since the early 2000s that’s like longevity stuff and it seems like he’s always trying stuff.

R: I actually wish that I had known about Here Comes the Boom before I watched Here Comes the Boom. I would love to know the conversation that sparked the Zookeeper. I wish that I was there for the making of before I saw the final product. I think if I knew more about the material beforehand, I would have a different relationship with the movie.

S: No that definitely makes sense because the thing we’re always questioning is intention. Like ok, so what exactly were we supposed to get out that scene? Or why would they have the characters do that? And I feel like from the little bit that I know about how the formulation of these things happened. They’re just trying stuff. Like we’re seeing what would now be relegated to a Youtube skit or a web series but they got to make a full Hollywood movie. Similar to Kevin Smith, being like I talked about the concept for Tusk on my podcast and then I went and made it. And it seems like Kevin James and his friends are doing that all the time. Like we were sitting around in our rich man’s houses and decided to make this film. By then he was flush with King of Queens money and Adam Sandler money so why not try some shit? And the studios keep signing off on it so he must be good money right? Or was that a Happy Madison Production?

R: I think that was a Happy Madison Production???? [EDIT: Yes, it is a Happy Madison Production.]

S: Cause that’s the other part if your best friend is going to cosign on your projects very little is risked

R: Let me see. At one point, I thought this was supposed to be a kid’s movie that their parents could watch with them.

S: Like a family film but so much of it centers around materialism and the compromise that happens when you’re with the wrong person. Even the hokey animal stuff like “show her your pudding cup” and “mark your territory”, I don’t even know how funny kids would think that was.

R: I mean, I’m trying to think back to when I was a kid, if I would have thought it was funny that he was peeing on a tree in front of actual children.

S: I think I would have felt uncomfortable because I would be like “an adult’s not supposed to do that” like stranger danger stuff.

R: One thing that struck me in the movie is how suggestible Griffin is. You could tell Griffin to do anything and he would just do it. I guess his character was like that because otherwise you wouldn’t have any jokes in the movie. So, like, he is peeing at this party. I feel like in a lot of other movies, they would create some scenario or misunderstanding that would make that happen, but in this movie, he just decided to pee at this party.

S: And the maitre d is way too understanding about it. Instead of ejecting him from the party, he’s like “hey you know have bathrooms right?” And Kevin James is like “yea” and then the subject is never revisited. And I’m sort of like that is not how that would have happened, the police would have been called. And like imagine being those other diners? So like you’re not going to kick him out? You’re just going to talk to him? Okkk

R: It also didn’t give him a private place to do that. I feel like in another movie, they would have given him a place to do that out of view and then he would have been caught, but he was just out in the open, peeing.

S: He was in the center of the restaurant, pissing in a planter. It was so, that’s the other part, that makes these movies so unbelievable. Kevin James as the main character is almost never the one acting most outrageously. Like he’s acting outrageously but so is everyone else here so it make it feel like it’s taking place in a crazy world. In the same way and I keep thinking about and I don’t know why this keeps coming up for me, the moment in Grown Ups where they’re at the water park. I’m having an issue phasing in and out of these movies at this point because they all have the same problems. But when they’re at the water park and everyone’s acting bananas. Where they have that weird scene where they sneaking onto the water slide the wrong way, and they keep going on the water slide and Steve Buscemi is there for no reason and Kevin James steals that kids milk and no one is behaving properly. So are we to believe that this is just a world where no one behaves properly or is the main characters behavior setting everyone else off like a domino effect?

R: I feel like it also diminishes some of the humor of what’s happening. I feel like if everyone thinks it’s normal to pee in a restaurant, where’s the joke?

S:I completely agree. With no juxtaposition, without a straight man, where’s the joke? It’s just like everyone acting like an asshole and I just think I’m glad I’m not there. Once the lose of decorum is normalized, it’s no longer funny. It’s just like oh, we’re in a gross out world.

0 notes

silvokrent · 7 years ago

Text

One Way Ticket

Courage comes at a cost, and a round trip is outside of Oscar’s budget.

Oscar.

His first impulse was to tell the voice to go away, followed immediately by diligently ignoring him—like he’d been doing for the last four hours. Oscar scrunched his face and nestled as far back into the stiff leather seat as he could, folding his arms more securely over his chest.

Oscar, I know you’re awake.

When he didn’t respond Ozpin spoke again, a hint of impatience bleeding into his tone. Your immature behavior is highly unbecoming. You cannot continue to pretend that my existence is—

“Fine!” Oscar snapped, a little louder than intended. A quick, furtive glance around the coach told him there was no one within the immediate vicinity to have overheard, and he winced. Last thing he wanted to do was attract attention from other passengers, or have to explain to the conductor why he was talking to himself, and if you could just step off to the side, sir, we have some medical professionals that would love to speak with you.

As I’ve said before, you fall within the legal definition of sane. No amount of scrutiny on their part would warrant institutionalization.

“I really wish you’d stop doing that,” Oscar said, but he knew it was ultimately a losing battle: Ozpin could no more help reading his thoughts than he could stop breathing. Instead, he settled on feeling annoyed at the intrusion to his sleep, something which he felt fully justified in blaming Ozpin for. “What do you want?”

We’re here, Ozpin answered.

The words had barely formed in his head before Oscar scrambled to face the window. The tumorous anxiety that had felt so comfortably far away came lurching back, lodging itself squarely in his midriff. Small wonder why, as he gaped at the looming mountains before them.

Photographs from textbooks could hardly be said to do justice to the grandeur of Mistral’s capitol. A deep fissure cleaved its twin peaks, dividing the mountain into separate, stony towers. Tendrils of mist enrobed the outcrops, fathomless and ethereal, partially obscuring the infrastructure embedded into its cliffsides. What buildings he could see stood out stark-white against the foliage that spilled from the crags. At the summit perched the largest compound he’d seen yet, its foundation precariously arched between the two peaks.

Haven Academy, Ozpin clarified, somewhat unnecessarily.

“My aunt used to call it the ‘Kingdom in the Clouds,’” he said, unable to look away. “I thought she was exaggerating. I knew Mistral was in the mountains, but I didn’t think it was so…”

Breathtaking?

“High up,” Oscar answered. He clutched his rucksack more securely to his chest, drawing little comfort from the roughspun fabric and earthy smell that so desperately reminded him of home. “How do all those people even live up there?”

People born here have adapted to the climate and elevation, Ozpin replied. The same can’t be said for tourists, I’m afraid. Foreigners unacclimated to such extreme heights tend to experience acrophobia and mild altitude sickness.

“Thanks for telling me that after I boarded the train.”

Ozpin ignored the barbed accusation. The benefits of such a lifestyle far outweigh the negatives.

“Like what? If I want to kill myself I just need to step outside my front door and jump?”

That comment got a rise out of Ozpin, like he’d hoped; a flash of momentary irritation passed through his thoughts, before being promptly smothered out. He got the impression Ozpin was taking a deep breath. That was uncalled for, came the stilted admonishment.

Oscar didn’t bother to acknowledge his disapproval. Two could play at that game. “Okay, so what are the benefits of living on a mountain?”

There was a pause, followed by a nonexistent sigh. The geography makes the mountains a natural fortress. Early mountaineers discovered that the Grimm had as difficult of time as they did when it came to scaling the cliffs. Eventually, as more people settled the area, they had the strength in numbers to repel even the most tenacious of Grimm. The ones that survived those encounters quickly learned they would not find easy prey.

Oscar remembered the weather vane his aunt kept on the barn roof, and its striking resemblance to a Cockatrice. “But it’s not just the four-legged ones, like Beowolves and Ursa, right?” he asked. “There are Grimm with wings, too. How do you stop something that can fly?”

The observation seemed to impress Ozpin; Oscar almost regretted asking for that reason alone. The last impression he wanted to give the headmaster was that he actually cared about any of this. It isn’t just the exterior that people live on, Ozpin said. The mountains contain a vast network of cave systems—shallow enough for humans to occupy, but not so deep that they would hide any unwelcome threats. The second answer to your question is that Mistral developed artillery for shooting down airborne species of Grimm. Most of them tend to avoid the skies over the city.

Oscar made a noncommittal noise, hoping it would be enough of a response to satisfy Ozpin. The anticipation that had been lurking dormant in his gut made itself known, causing a wave of nausea to momentarily pass over him. Subconsciously, he reached for the patchwork cloth in his pocket and worried it until the sensation ebbed.

We’ll be arriving shortly, Ozpin observed. If he noticed his discomfort, he tactfully chose not to comment on it. You haven’t eaten in a while. Now might be a good opportunity to do so.

Because what a great first impression that would make, as he stepped off the train and proceeded to vomit into the nearest trash can. There was a twisted sort of logic to that though, and yeah, he was hungry, even if the constant jitters had reduced his stomach to a braided knot. And the mutinous part of his brain pointed out that refusing to eat would only make the old man harp on him until he relented, because Ozpin was that kind of asshole.

Your wellbeing is my concern. Ozpin sounded reproachful. If ensuring that you eat and sleep are condemnable offenses, then I apologize.

“Noticed that you didn’t deny it,” Oscar reasoned in a voice that was just on the side of smug. He went to unzip his bag, and paused at a sudden, intrusive thought. “And you can’t pretend that you’re doing this just because you care about me.”

He felt Ozpin do the mental equivalent of stiffening. What do you mean?

“If I die,” he told the empty carriage, “you die too. So you kind of have to make sure I eat, and sleep, and don’t accidentally walk off a cliff at night because it’s dark.”

A loaded silence followed.

Do you honestly believe that my concern for you is only out of obligation? There was a weird undercurrent of strain in Ozpin’s voice that Oscar didn’t immediately know how to reconcile.

Not sure how to answer, and not entirely comfortable with the question either, Oscar dug through his bag instead.

In truth, he’d never been outside the countryside before, so packing hadn’t been a skill he needed to perfect. It showed in the way he hastily crammed everything into the tight space, spare clothes balled up alongside what few provisions he’d smuggled. Handing his aunt a shopping list of survival necessities and asking her to pick them up the next time she went to market hadn’t exactly been an option, so they’d had to improvise. Against Ozpin’s advisement, Oscar had been as sparing as he could when raiding the kitchen. Partly, because guilt wouldn’t allow him to rob blind the woman that had taken him in after his parents had died. The other part had been due to Ozpin’s frustrating vagueness about the trip length as a whole. Don’t overpack because you can’t afford to be encumbered, but don’t underpack, either, because your supplies need to last for—and Ozpin refused to clarify how long that was, exactly.

Oscar was still trying to figure out whether that had been some obnoxious test meant to teach him self-reliance, or if Ozpin was just as uncertain and trying to bluff about it. The latter was terrifying and not a thought to be dwelled on.

There were the essentials, of course: a bedroll, something that laughably passed for a first aid kit, and an assortment of non-perishable food. His rations consisted of hardtack, strips of jerky, a container filled with Pumpkin Pete’s cereal (its inclusion had unnerved Ozpin for some weird reason), and fruit slices he and his aunt had harvested and dried a couple of months ago.

Lien was the only resource Oscar refused to steal. Without him being there to pitch in, his aunt was going to struggle with upkeeping the farm. And he’d sooner light himself on fire before he left her destitute.

A noble sentiment, Ozpin commented. Thought he didn’t seem to care much for Oscar’s fixation with any thoughts that involved hurting himself.

Rather than deign to answer, Oscar dug out a strip of salted beef and tore off a chunk. He took his time chewing the leathery meat. The jaw workout gave him an excuse to not talk to the headmaster until the train eased into the station.

Upon coming to a standstill, the automatic doors gave a pneumatic hiss and slid open. Noise from the outside world flooded the coach interior. Through the doors of the adjoining cars, Oscar could hear the muffled sounds of passengers collecting their luggage and descending out onto the platform. The background ambiance had his senses on a heightened sort of edge, compounded by his own trepidation, and for a wild moment Oscar seriously considered not getting up.

He sensed Ozpin’s hesitation, but for once he didn’t intervene. Rather, he gave the impression of retreating from his space. As if waiting for whatever choice he would make.

Nothing was stopping him from staying in his seat (apart from the impending end of the world and whatever perilous, incomprehensible destiny Ozpin had alluded to). This train would depart, and he’d find himself standing on that platform where Hazel had first procured a ticket for him. Oscar would trudge back through the copse until the farmhouse and barn were in sight. And standing there would be his aunt, yelling inarticulate curses even as she swept him into her arms with a hug that threatened to crack his ribs. The stability and monotony of his life would return, comfortable farm chores and all.

Minus Ozpin, whose disappointment and fear would be never-ending. Constant reminders of the responsibilities he’d inherited and then abandoned. And for what?

Oscar knew it was deluded to think for a moment that he could ever escape whatever—this was. And any attempt to pretend at normalcy would torture them both. He knew it, and Ozpin knew it. They were delaying the inevitable.

It was the hardest and the easiest thing, to sling his bag over his shoulder and disembark.

…Thank you, Ozpin said. An unspoken gravity permeated his words, one whose meaning escaped Oscar. And I’m sorry.

“You didn’t ask for this either.” With the commotion of the people around them, being overheard was a minimal risk. He weaved through the throng, head determinedly held down. “And there’s no point pretending this is avoidable. I don’t have a choice. Not really, anyway.”

We always have a choice. Those words were said with a surprising amount of conviction. Even when our choices are presented to us as unconquerable hardships.

“You realize the choices here are doing nothing and eventually dying, or actively doing something that’ll likely get me killed, right?” Oscar scoffed. “Our ‘unconquerable hardship’ is death. And when the outcome for both options is the same that’s hardly a choice.”

Lesser men are often tempted to do what’s easy, not what’s right. That you are standing here now is a testimony to which you are. The measured, even tones were retracted for something that was both fierce and reassuring. And I will do all that I can to keep you safe. You have my word.

Something in him recoiled.

“You couldn’t even keep yourself safe when you were alive”—Oscar balled his fists—“and now I’m here because of it.”

All right, maybe he said that a little louder than he should have. At least it had the desired effect of getting Ozpin to shut up. (He didn’t feel guilty about that. He didn’t.)

“Just do me a favor, okay?” Oscar asked. Gradually, his hands unclenched, and with a shaky exhale he resumed walking. “I don’t want to think about it. And I don’t want you to make any promises you can’t keep. Just—focus on getting us where we need to go for now. Can we do that?”

The specter of compromise hovered in his words, a tentative truce that Ozpin accepted willingly enough. This station resides on the city’s mid-level. There’s a vertical lift not far from here that we may dock, that should take us directly to Haven’s campus.

“Sounds good.”

The problem with talking to the voice in his head was that it tended to dampen his peripheral awareness. Multitasking this weird magic with everything else left him a bit disconnected from his surroundings, and for the first time Oscar took stock of what he was actually seeing.

If colors could be loud, then Mistral was nothing short of deafening. Large silk banners fluttered in the breeze overhead, strung between pavilions by beaded cords. Bright and eye-catching wares occupied every available inch of counter space: polished scimitars and submachine guns, dark green bonsais, opulent incense burners, even fruits he didn’t have names for.

The one you’re looking at is called a durian, Ozpin said. I wouldn’t recommend trying it if you don’t have a strong stomach. The odor can be somewhat pungent.

Oscar suppressed a snort. “With what money?”

…You seem rather cagey. Ozpin sidestepped the rhetorical question. Is something the matter?

Any attempt to dismiss that claim was belied somewhat by the way he jumped when a vendor spilled the contents of a crate, creating a minor commotion.

“I’ve never been to the city before. To any city before,” Oscar clarified, like it wasn’t painfully obvious. The crowd surged around him, dozens of faces that either went without acknowledging his presence, or lingered for longer than was necessary. He was all the more acutely aware of his stature and age, and he had to savagely beat down the impulse to wrap his arms around his shoulders. With the passersby hemming him in, he felt claustrophobic.

“Hey, Oz? What’s the worst-case scenario that could happen here, hypothetically?”

Your mileage may vary, depending on what you think constitutes a “worst-case scenario.” Ozpin hummed in thought. In all likelihood, very little beyond having to wait a while before we get our audience at Haven.

“But let’s say something happens. Something that isn’t me having to sit in a waiting room.” The hitch in his voice that he was unsuccessful at stamping out got Ozpin’s attention. As it did the attention of a rather unsettling-looking man whose face was partly concealed by bandages. Oscar didn’t imagine the red welling up through the dressings, and his heartbeat quickened. “Let’s say that this headmaster we’re supposed to find—”

Leonardo Lionheart.

He continued over the interruption: “What if he’s not there? Or what if he refuses to see us because I’m just a nobody from off the streets?”

The former is unlikely. He’s not prone to traveling, even between semesters. Nor is he the type to pass judgment based on preconceived notions.

His eye caught a puddle cradled in the cobblestones of the footpath. Oscar frowned at his reflection. “I look homeless. Is he really going to take the time to meet a kid that isn’t an applicant to his deadly combat school?”

With the correct phrasing, yes, Ozpin assured him. His mild tone and unflappable outlook were quickly becoming a point of contention for Oscar, if only because they were so dissonant with his own palpable unease. At the edge of his vision, he caught the movements of a group of hooded strangers clustered away from the stalls. There was no mistaking the way they leered at him, hands hovering at their sides over what were undoubtedly concealed weapons. His pulse spiked in his throat, and Oscar could feel the weight of the rucksack between his shoulders.

“For just one minute”—Oscar took a steadying breath—“pretend we don’t live in a perfect world where things go according to your plan. Mistral is dangerous, and I don’t have the money to rent a room at an inn. What do we do then? I—I really don’t want…”

A lot went unsaid, but not unheard, and Ozpin didn’t miss the way his thoughts skipped tracks.

Mistral’s infamous reputation isn’t unmerited, Ozpin conceded, in a carefully modulated tone. But that doesn’t factor in the exaggeration that locals like using to scare tourists. Some of the wilder tales people hear tend to be hyperbole.

He knew Ozpin was trying to comfort him, which made it all the more patronizing because Oscar knew better. He stopped, rather abruptly, and the crowd parted around him like a well-accustomed current. “Have you ever actually been to Mistral?” he asked a tad incredulously.

Ignoring the hypocrisy in his choice of words, because it wasn’t like he’d ever been to Mistral prior to now, either. The line of questioning at least managed to elicit some surprise from Ozpin. Yes. On several occasions.

“And what did you look like when you came here?”

I’m afraid I don’t understand.

“I mean,” Oscar said, “did you look like them”—he pointed toward a group of patrons some yards ahead, all of whom donned robes of rich satin and were bejeweled in gaudy gems—“or did you look more like those people over there?” His gaze drifted toward two customers haggling with a merchant. Their tattered clothing and the scabbing on one guy’s arm were telling of which social class they belonged to.

He already knew the answer. Well, more like he knew how to find the answer, if Oscar was inclined to go rummaging through their shared subconscience until he stumbled across the right memory. They’d been together for a month, and he still had no idea what Ozpin had looked like when he was alive, and that wasn’t entirely by accident. For some reason, putting a face to the occupant in his mind felt weirdly intimate. It was easier to direct frustration at him when the voice in his head was just that: a bodiless voice not tied to any definable personhood.

Out of a perverted sort of decency, Ozpin never thrust that knowledge upon him. It was one of the few tacit boundaries he seemed unwilling to cross where their relationship was concerned.

Ozpin didn’t answer, so Oscar continued.

“You probably looked like a Huntsman, or you dressed well enough to be set apart from the riffraff, so no, you’ve never actually been to Mistral. People that look like them don’t get pickpocketed, or assaulted, or abducted,” he bit off. “You’ve probably never had to worry about someone trying to mug you, and then, when you don’t have anything worth stealing on you, getting beaten up because they feel like you somehow cheated them out of an easy profit. You don’t get to tell me not to be scared, Oz. Not when you’ve never had to be.”

Before, he might have relished shutting Ozpin up so soundly. The gratification was ruined somewhat by the unmistakable guilt that Ozpin felt, which synaptically bled into Oscar’s own emotions. Even more unnerving was the impression he got that Ozpin wanted to protest. The older man had known fear, Oscar knew, it some vague, undefinable way, and he had a good idea in regards to what.

He’d never gotten a straight answer from him about how he died. Unlike his own mind, which was an open wound graffitied with errant thoughts, Ozpin had mastered the art of safeguarding his memories and emotions. Every wayward thought had been neatly partitioned off, and whether that habit stemmed from a demand for privacy, or he was shielding some great and terrible secret, Oscar had yet to figure out. Questions were never ignored, only neatly deflected, either with articulate language or an appropriate segue to another topic. With Ozpin unwilling to relinquish that information, Oscar had learned how to startle snippets of the truth out of him.

He’d done that, once, on a day when he’d been plowing the fields, the sun blistering his skin and sending rivulets of sweat into the hem of his shirt. Ozpin hadn’t been fast enough to compose himself, and in that slither of a second Oscar perceived fire.

He got the uncomfortable impression that Ozpin had been burned alive.

The part of his mind that still doggedly clung to anger shoved aside anything that might resemble sympathy. He didn’t—couldn’t offer him any, not when he was already tired, homesick, and burdened by the unknown perils lurking ahead. Oscar didn’t have the energy to spare on pitying some omniscient, omnipotent ghost, and Ozpin was too patient to push for any recognition of their mutual plight.

The lift is just ahead. He sounded hesitant. Apologetic. Once we ascend the precipice it will be a fairly short walk to his office.

“Good,” Oscar said. The lift was kind of hard to miss—a large metal platform, anchored to the wall by a pair of deep tracks that scored the rock face. He stepped onto it and moved toward the terminal. A list of destinations flashed across the screen, and the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding left him as HAVEN ACADEMY – Level 1 appeared on the queue.

He tapped the screen.

RESTRICTED ACCESS – CLEARANCE REQUIRED

That swooping sensation in his gut returned with a vengeance.

I don’t understand. Confusion clouded his voice. Haven’s campus isn’t supposed to be off-limits to visitors.

“Maybe the terminal’s malfunctioning?” Even as the words left him Oscar knew how futile they were, especially when he pressed the location key and a second error message appeared. A dawning terror that just as easily could have been nausea spread throughout his midriff.

“Oz?” His question teetered on a squeak. “What’s going on?”

I don’t know. Behind the blank mask, Ozpin’s thoughts roiled like a storm. We need to speak with someone.

“Who?”

Preferably someone that lives in the city.

A few people scattered out of his way as Oscar backtracked, nearly tripping over himself in his haste to run up to the closest stall. “Excuse me? Miss?”

The shopkeep—a red panda Faunus—turned her attention from the ammunition she’d been casing to regard him with liquid amber eyes. “Can I help you?” she drawled.

“Why isn’t the lift working for Haven Academy?” Oscar asked. To their shared bemusement, the vendor gave him a ragged grimace.

“You thinking about enrolling? Sorry to say classes won’t be starting back up for another month. Not that we couldn’t use more Huntsmen,” she remarked. Her bottlebrush tail flicked out behind her.

“What?” His mind momentarily blanked. “No, I—I need to see someone up there. Why does the school require clearance?” Remembering what Ozpin had told him, Oscar added, “I thought the campus was available to the public.”

She spat at the ground, her expression turning momentarily contemptuous. “Haven’t you heard, kid? The Council’s imposed all these new ordinances on the city. Got one from the headmaster saying access to the school is restricted to faculty and students only, unless you’ve got a prearranged meeting with academy liaisons. Damn paranoid, if you ask me, with all these useless ‘heightened security’ measures.”

Try as Ozpin might to conceal it, Oscar didn’t miss the fleeting panic that seized him.

“So if you really wanna talk to someone there, you’ll need to either contact a Councilman—hah, good luck with that!—or find a teacher walking around the streets. You’ll prob’ly have just as much success teaching a Beowolf to play fetch, though. Most of the teachers aren’t even in the city right now.”

This time, Ozpin couldn’t disguise his horror, and it gripped the two of them in tandem. He’s left the Relic unguarded?

What Relic? Oscar asked.

Ozpin ignored him.

“Most of ’em have been dismissed, from what I hear.” She pulled her headscarf more securely over her forehead. “Off on sabbaticals or missions or maybe they’re unionizing, for all I know. It’s tanked my business, I’ll tell you that much. Two-thirds of my revenue were staff commissions.”

Oscar worked his mouth, and nothing came out.

“And it’s not like I’ll be seeing my imports any time soon, thanks to the Dust embargo.” Fingertips drummed an absent pattern against the countertop. “You all right, kid? Looking a bit pale.”

Oscar’s throat clicked as he swallowed. “I’m fine,” he answered, a little too quickly.

The vendor scrutinized him beneath the chiffon veil that shielded her eyes. “Chek-rohkah,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “There’s an apothecary down the road if you’re under the weather.”

“No, really, I think I’m okay,” Oscar lied. He turned to leave, and only stopped himself long enough to offer a brief inclination of his head. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He waited until he found a nice, secluded spot away from the bulk of the crowd before he had his mental breakdown.

“Oh gods, oh gods. This can’t be happening.” Oscar tore his bag off his shoulders and unceremoniously threw it, and himself, onto the cobblestones. A gloved hand reached up to his face and scrubbed his cheeks. “What are we going to do?” he croaked. “We can’t just wait a month to see someone.”

I agree. For a disembodied voice, Ozpin was doing a good impression of pacing. His agitation was a force of nature. Haven Academy is not impregnable, and without its staff the school is vulnerable. What is he playing at?

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Oscar asked in mild disbelief. “Not, where are we going to stay for the next four weeks?”

Ozpin stilled. No, you’re quite right. My apologies. We’ll figure something out.

“How?” He let out a breathy, panicked sound, before he could snatch it back. “Unless you’ve got some other secret contact in Mistral we can hit up, then there’s no one here. You heard what she said: everyone is gone. And I don’t have the lien to pay for room and board at a tavern. Or food. I’ve only got the stuff I packed.”

Instinctively, Oscar reached for the rucksack by his side, longing to hold it to his chest and just bury his face in the familiar cloth. The hand brushed against empty space.

His breath caught in his chest.

“No—” He scrambled to his feet, face whipping back and forth as he scanned the roadside. “It was—it was right here. I just had it—”

But a single glance told him what he already knew: He’d let his guard down, and now, he was paying for it.

“No,” Oscar bleated, again, because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. “No…”

He expected a rebuke for being careless, or some sagely yet misplaced advice offered in lieu of anything constructive. Ozpin spoke, and it was the gentlest he’d heard him sound yet. I’m so sorry, Oscar.

For a long moment Oscar numbly stared. The faces in the distant crowd passed him, a blurred kaleidoscope of featureless colors and shapes, and the only thing he could hear was his pulse beating a staccato rhythm in his eardrums. Around him, the world dissolved into meaningless backdrop.

“All of my things,” he said. The words came out as a hoarse whisper. “My clothes, my bedroll, the provisions from home. Stolen. Gone.” In retrospect, a small part of him would be grateful he hadn’t thought to pack anything with more monetary value, or that he’d talked himself out of bringing irreplaceable keepsakes from home. There was a sudden, lurching sensation in his navel, like he’d been sucker-punched. His arm shook.

Whatever Ozpin had been about to say next, he never got the chance to tell him before Oscar snatched up an empty whiskey bottle from the ground. He put as much feeling as he could into the movement, and lobbed it against the mountainside. Glass shards ricocheted off the stone and skated across the cobblestone.

“Gods damn it!” Panic and hysteria and rage welled up like bile in his throat. Oscar made an inarticulate sound as he grabbed a second bottle and pitched it into the rock. It shattered. “I’m hundreds of miles from home and trapped in a city where I could get stabbed or abducted because I’ll have to sleep on a bench! And for what? Just so I can get turned away at the doorstep by some guy I’ve never met, all because the voice in my head told me to!”

Ozpin was dutifully silent as he rode out the worst of the tantrum. He waited until Oscar was sitting on the ground again, knees drawn up to his chest and his patchwork rag pressed against his mouth to smother the dry sobs he so badly wanted to make. (He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t. Not here.) A dull, burning ache made itself present at the back of his throat.

“…I’m sorry I said that,” he mumbled, when he was sure he could talk again without saying something stupid. “I just—I needed to get that out of my system, I think.”

Ozpin sighed, and it was telling how the gesture seemed self-directed. The noise had a worn-parchment quality to it. I understand, Oscar. You have nothing to apologize for.

Oscar glanced up at the sky. A dull pink glow was receding over the horizon, replaced by the first few glinting stars come to herald the night.

You’re so young, Ozpin murmured. And it’s been…a long time since I went through this same process. Age is inconvenient; it’s allowed me to forget the extent of the sacrifices involved.

The headmaster’s presence brushed against his own. Thoughts and memories and emotions dammed behind a wall that should have ruptured long ago, still holding against the inevitable cascade. There was a vain comfort being offered to him, Oscar realized, when no other forms were available. Slowly, he uncoiled, forcing the muscles in his body to untense, his breaths coming in steadier intakes than the gulping ones from before. It took him a moment to realize that Ozpin was gently coaxing him through the motions.

You don’t need to be stressed any more than you currently are, he said, by way of explanation. I know I’ve asked too much of you as it is, but I need you to keep walking. Give me some time to reconsider our options, until I have a solution for our current predicament. At the least, long enough to think of how we can procure accommodations.

Just the thought of not having to sleep outside was enough to motivate him. Unsteadily, Oscar rose.

“Is there…” He cleared his throat. “Is there somewhere you want me to go, specifically?”

The act itself is enough. Though it would be in our best interest to stay on the higher levels. When Oscar stiffened, Ozpin hurriedly reassured, Criminal activity is greater at the base of the city. Kidnapping requires more than just a degree of stealth, and none would dare attempt it on the upper ramparts.

This time, there was a surety to Ozpin’s words, and sheer exhaustion had him blindly leaning against what trust was presented. He was too tired to argue.

And so Oscar trudged through the thinning crowds, his gaze wandering aimlessly between the sights. Ornamental lanterns smoldered overhead, their orange glow a dim comfort as they pooled molten light over the paths. Mistral had a night life of its own: various clubs had opened their doors to entice customers with heavy percussive music and the promise of drinks. He saw a fresh round of merchants advertising goods, including a perfume stand that he stopped at long enough to acquire a conditioned hatred of the heady fragrance. One place he walked past had a group of people loitering outside, scantily clad and wearing various degrees of nothing. An onlooker catcalled, and he found an excuse to be literally anywhere else.

“Are brothels even legal?” Oscar asked, when he was confident he’d put at least a mile between them.

The question seemed to startle Ozpin out of whatever reverie he’d lapsed into. It’s less a matter of legality, and more what people are comfortable with trying to get away with, he answered, in a tone cool with censure.

Huh. That was interesting.

Oscar filed that reaction away for later. His attention turned to a nearby stall, where cords of herbed chicken hung from the rafters. Someone was grilling, and the overpowering smoke-smell of charcoal and spices had him remembering that oh, yeah, he didn’t have food anymore. What a great time to realize his last meal had been on the train hours ago.

To his embarrassment, his stomach growled.

“…What’s your opinion on stealing?” Oscar inquired, in what he hoped passed for an offhand tone.

Whatever answer Ozpin had been about to give, it petered off. Intrigued, Oscar scanned the area, and saw what had distracted him: Mistrali pilots. The pair still had their aviation uniforms on, but going by the rate they were tossing back shots, they’d likely just finished their shift.

“—patrol by the defunct colonies,” the one was telling the vendor. He ran a hand through cropped dun hair. “It’s been silent out there for weeks. Which don’t get me wrong, if it’s a toss-up between dick all or strafing Grimm packs with turret fire, you know I’m gonna pick the one where my corpse doesn’t get mailed home to my kids in a body bag. But you need action to enliven things from time to time. Shit gets dull out there fast.”

“That’s not the way I hear it.” The merchant fished out a bottle from beneath the counter. “Daiyu said your last mission was busy.”

The other pilot shrugged. “‘Busy’ is one way of looking at it,” he agreed. “We missed most of the action. Though frankly I’m kind of glad we did. Whatever those Huntsmen killed, it was nightmare fuel.”

Ozpin’s interest sharpened.

The merchant shuffled a stack of lien. “Don’t suppose you’re feeling charitable?” they asked. “I’m dead for gossip around here.”

To which the first pilot raised his glass. “Only if the charity’s mutual.” He grinned.

“Spoken like a true philanthropist.” The merchant tipped the contents of a large fizzing bottle into their cups. It frothed over the rim and a little sloshed onto the counter. “So,” they said. “Any casualties?”

“One of the guys we had to evac out.” The second pilot swished the liquid around in his glass. “Something envenomed him, don’t know what. When we picked him up the wound was infected. By the time we got back to the hospital, the onboard field medics had to treat him for anaphylaxis twice. And this one kid was just not letting go of him. Her team had to pry her off before they could get him into surgery.”

The merchant ducked their head. “Do you know if he made it?”

“Thankfully, yes. ER had the antivenom he needed. The rest of the Huntsmen were fine. A few broken Auras, but in their line of work that’s just an occupational hazard.”

“Damn straight,” the first pilot chipped in. “I’m kinda hoping they stick around. Dunno if you’ve noticed, but there’s a bit of a shortage around here when it comes to professional killers.”

“There are plenty of professional killers on the lower levels. Or do they not count anymore?” the merchant asked, dry as Dust.

“Professional killers that specialize in Grimm, then,” he amended. “You should’ve seen them. Well, maybe you will. It’s only been a few days, they probably haven’t left Mistral yet. But hell, they were armed to the teeth! The one girl had some sort of modified scythe.”

Oscar was nearly cowed by the powerful surge of recognition that came from Ozpin. Images too fast to see flitted through his mind, and the bits he was able to make out—black wings, silver eyes, rose petals—didn’t make any sense to him.

“…Oz?” Oscar cautiously said the name aloud.

There’s a bar, Ozpin said, on Jade Street called Pour Decisions. We need to go there. Now.

He was still a bit disoriented from the mental highlights reel Oz had just screened for him. Oscar reached up to knead at his temples. “Okay, but why?”

Because there’s a high likelihood we’ll find one of my colleagues there.

Oscar picked up speed, his fatigue instantly forgotten. “You’re sure?”

It’s his favorite bar in Mistral. At this time of night, I can’t imagine where else he would be.

Well, if that didn’t speak volumes of Ozpin’s standards in friends.

Try to reserve your judgment for when you meet him. The chastisement lacked any real disapproval though. Ozpin seemed too—what, excited?—to bother with keeping up a lecturing front.

Oscar wanted to ask more questions, but his own flutteriness had returned. Time did this funny little skip, where he was running up stone steps one second, and the next, he stood in front of a mahogany door.

His name is Qrow Branwen, Ozpin told him. If I’m not mistaken, he’s in possession of my—our—weapon.

Oscar blinked. “I have a weapon?” he repeated.

You do. Ozpin sounded pleased. In time and with experience, you’ll be able to use it.

He couldn’t really find fault with that, for once. Oscar reached to open the door, only to pause mid-motion.

Oscar? Is something wrong?

“This is really happening, isn’t it?” Oscar spoke with a careful slowness. “When I walk through this door, everything changes. I don’t get to turn back.”

It wasn’t a question.

No, I’m afraid not. The die is cast, as they say.

“Is it wrong that I’m still kind of scared?” There. The words were out, before he could take them back.

To his surprise, he felt a flash of warmth. When Ozpin answered him, his voice had evened out into his usual, vaguely-amused lilt.

If you weren’t the slightest bit scared, I’d say you were insane.

#rwby #rwby fics #rwby thought dump #one way ticket #ozpin #oscar pine #mistral #my posts #filling the gaps #arcadian

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benjaminikuta · 8 years ago

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A Bastardization of George Washington’s Farewell Address

Sup.

Elections are coming up, and it’s time to figure out who we wanna give the keys to. I figure it might clear things up if I take a sec to explain why I’m not running.

Now, I care about the future, don’t get me wrong, and thanks for your trust so far. I just think me quitting is a good idea on all counts.

I’ve been president twice now, and I didn’t want to do it either time. I tried to quit the first time, but the country was in trouble and every single person around me begged me to stay on.

I’m glad to say we’re pretty much in the clear now and I can get out of here without getting screamed at or letting things fall apart completely.

I told you when I started what I thought of the job. All I’m gonna say is that I did my best to set up the government right, but the more I do this the more I realize how dumb I am, and so maybe it’s okay if I let someone else take over.

Before I go I’ve gotta thank y’all, for the awards and honors and stuff but more importantly for your supporting my projects to try to make everything right, even if they didn’t always turn out quite as well as I hoped. Remember, it’s hard to tell how things will turn out when people get all fired up, so thanks for sticking by me even when everything was going to hell. Y’all get the credit for anything good that came out of it, and by God you’d better keep taking good care of the Constitution and the lives of the folks who live here. As long as you do, we’ll be a pretty kickass country and the other guys will start noticing us.

I should shut up, but I care about you guys, so there’s some more stuff to cover. I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve got a few things to say. You know I ain’t biased ’cause all I want is to leave, so you might wanna listen up.

Now, you all love freedom enough that no one thing here is too important.

You’re all happy that the government’s so together and unified on everything (and you should be — it’s why everything’s so good), but it ain’t always gonna be this way. All sorts of folks from both here and elsewhere are gonna try to divide it, make you lose faith in it, so please don’t sell this whole America thing short. Make it your top priority and don’t ever get in a mindset where you can let ANYTHING divide you.

You’ve gotta be Americans before all else. You’re for the most part the same religion and culture, and you’ve got the same goals, and you’ve only got what you do because you all worked together.

But even though this sounds good, when it comes to crunch time it’s easy to forget that in favor of stuff that seems more immediately important than sticking together.

The North and the South, as equals, help each other. The South gets machines and junk from the North, the North gets crops from the South. Also, the South’s got some nice boats which go out and fetch stuff we need from time to time. You’ve got a similar situation with the East and the West. The East supplies the West with what it needs, and the West gets a market for its crap as well as — once we get a navy in gear — protection on the Atlantic side. There’s really no way they could safely do what they’re doing without the folks to the East.

So, we all need each other and we’re all stronger when we’re together. Being a family also means we can get along a little better, unlike certain countries I might name who aren’t so well unified. This makes us stronger and protects our freedom, and if you wanna keep protecting it you’d better get along.

It should be obvious here that we should all try to keep ourselves together. Sure, it’s a big country, and we’re not sure if we can keep it all together, but what the hell? Let’s give it a shot and find out. It’d be stupid to call it off because we’re not sure if it’ll work. Since it’s obvious how much we have to gain from keeping ourselves together, we can safely say that anyone who tries to divide us, anywhere, hates America.

Let’s think about where those splits might come from. The big one is geography. North and South, Atlantic and West, people are gonna try to emphasize the differences. They’re gonna lie about what the other side wants, and they’ll try to make you hate each other when you should all be brothers. You saw just a bit ago how some folks were trying to stir up suspicion out West that we were trying to pull one over on them with the whole Mississippi thing, but you saw how thanks to Congress dealing with Spain and England they got everything they wanted in the end. So maybe they won’t be so quick to talk about jumping ship next time.

Government’s important, and it’s not always easy to stay together. You’ve figured this out, and that’s why you ditched the last idea and came up with this Constitution. We went over it all carefully, big and small, and it’s definitely something we can trust (we can even amend it if necessary!). Give it some credit, and if you disagree, change it — don’t just disobey. Otherwise it just screws things up.

Getting in the way of the law for the sake of power plays similarly screws things up. Playing that game creates groups just looking out for themselves, turning crazy splinter groups into a powerful force. Let this get too bad and you’ll probably have the country tossed back and forth wildly as the various parties with their pet issues fight for power, rather than nice, consensual, unified government.

Parties are probably gonna look like they’re helping with one popular issue or another, so you’re gonna want support them, but I bet the guys in charge of them will just turn out to be power-hungry assholes who want to run everything.

To keep things going nicely, quit fighting with the government and be careful with letting folk amend the Constitution to weaken it. Just, in general, give it all time and see how it works out before being quick to judge. It’s a big country and we can’t keep everyone safe without a little centralization.

I just said that parties are no good, particularly regional ones. But lemme go a step further and say ALL parties are a bad idea.

Unfortunately, it’s pretty much human nature to gather into little factions like this. It’s worst in the freeest countries, and they suffer because of it.

Control goes back and forth between one party and another, and they just get more and more pissed, and we’ve seen that get really bad in the past. But it also leads to terrible, controlling government and general suckage. This gets the people more angry, they get behind one party leader or another, and that guy just takes that support and does whatever he wants, screwing up the country.

I’m not talking about anyone in particular here, but this isn’t necessarially too far off, and it’s always gonna be a threat, so keep an eye out.

This division distracts us, enfeebles the government, it gets everyone riled up with jealousy and false alarms, it pits us against each other, and eventually creates riots and stuff. It also opens the door to other countries getting a hand in our system, since they can reach in through the party structure, and then we just become their puppets.

Now, there’s the idea that the parties are important to defend freedom and put the government in its place. That might even be true sometimes; when you’ve got a real Nazi in charge, you can afford to rally behind a party, but you shouldn’t like it, and you should dump it ASAP. And there’s always gonna be a feeling of opposition to whatever the government is, so be sure you know what you’re doing before getting all partisan, and be very careful to know when to drop it so you don’t just make the problem worse.

Also, make very sure that you keep all your politicians in their place. There’s this tendency to let all the power shift into one office, which inevitably creates tyranny (just look at human nature and how much we love power). If you just divide up the power, and get everyone to watch everyone else, we’ve seen both in the past and right here at home that things will work out pretty well. And if you think the powers aren’t laid out right, just go ahead and amend the Constitution. But be careful, because that’s an easy way to destroy everything. Make sure you’re not switching to something that, no matter how good it is for now, sucks in the long term.

Now, religion and morality are vital here, and it’s silly to say that patriotism could ever be more important than those. Politicians need to be pious and respectful folk; it would take forever to list all the ways that being a good politician is tied to being moral and religious. All you need to do is ask — without religion, how can we trust anyone who swears an oath? And be awfully careful before suggesting that we can be moral without religion. There’s a lot of philosophical junk out there, but the bottom line is we can’t possibly suggest that we can keep our morals as a country without religion.

So, virtue is the root of Government. So anyone who screws with the basis of the government is obviously a bad guy.

Make education of everyone a high priority, because the government will only be as smart as the average people are.

Public credit’s important too. Don’t run up debts during peacetime so you can afford to draw on them when there’s a problem — and then pay them back ASAP. This is the job of the politicians, but the people need to keep them in line. And remember, to pay debts you need cash, and you have to get the cash from somewhere, and there’s no way to do that which people will like. It’s a tough issue with no easy answer, so try to have a good attitude and pay up when necessary.

Try to stay at peace with everyone. Religion and basic decency both say to do this, so it should be a no-brainer. It might even turn out that God arranged it so if we’re nice to everyone, we’re better off in the end. Wouldn’t that be sweet? It sucks, though, that we tend to be jerks sometimes.

It’ll help a lot if you can avoid permanent rivalries and permanent alliances. Just try to get along with everyone when you can. Otherwise, you’re a slave to your policy, which may take you somewhere bad when the situation changes. Constantly being enemies with a particular country makes you stupid and reactive, and can even lead you to war when you really don’t need to. The government gets all involved in this, and one way or another it turns out badly. Permanent alliances are bad too, because they makes you give stuff up when you shouldn’t, cause jealousy, and divide loyalties of your own citizens, often with pretty bad results.

The idea of this kind of alliance should scare any real American because it lets foreign countries meddle with us. And remember, if a weak little nation (us) gets too attached to a big strong nation (anyone else) you know we’ll be stuck in that arrangement forever.

Now, foreign meddling is one of the worst threats around, and you should be constantly paranoid about it. But be careful to be fair and sensible about it, otherwise you’ll get so focused on one country or another that you slip into alliances with other countries. And then, like I said, you turn into tools.

The most important thing about commercial trade is to avoid getting politically tangled. We’ve obviously gotta keep the promises we’ve made, but in the future let’s try not to make new ones.

Europe has a whole lot of issues that don’t mean a thing to us. So they’re gonna be fighting, and we need to make sure not to get involved with the folks on either side. We might make some nasty enemies we don’t need to.

Since we’re out here across the Atlantic, we get to do our own thing. And if we just keep it together for a little while, we might be strong enough to stand up for ourselves. And if we’re tough enough, other countries won’t want to start anything, so the choice of whether to go to war or keep the peace will be up to us.

And why give up this great situation? Why give up our country just so we can live in someone else’s? Seriously — why get involved in Europe’s squabbles?

So, we’ve gotta avoid permanent alliances. We can’t break the promises we’ve already made — the government has to be honest just like anyone — but we don’t need to make more and we don’t need to actively make the current ones longer.

(Now, as long as we’re fighting a defensive war, alliances are okay in emergencies.)

In the same way that we should be politically friendly and stay on good and fair terms with everyone, we should be fair and open financially too. Just let everything go as it will without being biased. Let natural trade routes open up, and don’t try to mess around with the whole thing one way or another. Just keep and enforce the laws on trade and traders, and keep them flexible enough to change as the situation changes — always keeping an eye out for those foreign meddling. Never get used to paying one country or another, and never get used to expecting them to pay you.

I like you all. We’re friends. I’m not gonna hope that you’ll actually remember all this for long, but I can hope that every now and then people will look back on what I said and use it to calm down a crazy political party, remind us not to get tied up with other countries, or to try to expose phoney patriots. That’s the only payment I need — the hope that in return for my looking after you, you’ll look after yourselves.

You can look at my record. In my years in charge I’ve done my best to follow all the ideas laid out in this message.

Oh, and about the war still going on in Europe right now — check out what I said on 4/22/1793. It’s the outline of my principles on the subject, which I have followed as closely as I possibly could.

I gave it a lot of thought, decided that we could stay neutral, and then took reasonable steps to make sure that’s what happened.

You know, if you just look at basic common decency it should be pretty obvious what a good idea neutrality is.

As to the reasons it’s a good idea, you can probably come up with plenty on your own. For me, the main thing has been that we’re a pretty new country, just trying to get settled, and we don’t wanna interrupt that with war right away.

Now, I can’t think of anything I knowingly screwed up over the last eight years. But I’m sure I’ve made mistakes, and I pray that God helps to repair any harm they caused. And I hope that you’re understanding about them. I’ve spent 45 years working really hard for this country, and I hope that you won’t be too hard on my incompetences once I’m gone.

Speaking of being gone, I am really looking forward to this retirement. And I’m especially looking forward to retiring to live in a peaceful, free country of good laws under a good government — a government which is a good reward for our shared hardship, work, and love.

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entergamingxp · 5 years ago

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A Guide to Getting Started with the Yakuza Series

March 4, 2020 3:30 PM EST

Want to get started with the Yakuza series, but not sure where you should start? Here’s a primer and a few options to ease you in.

The Yakuza Remastered Collection’s release marks an auspicious moment for the series. For the first time ever, you can now play the entire series from start to finish on the PS4. That alone is reason enough to grab a PS4 in my eyes, even as the console generation comes to a close. Western markets took a while to warm to the series, but increasingly more are starting to be drawn to these legendary games. There’s never been a better time to get started with the Yakuza franchise.

Personally, I arrived late to the Yakuza games, only getting started with the series about three years ago. It only took a small taste before the hunger set in, though, and I’ve since played through every mainline game to completion. Few series are as underrated as this one, even as those ratings continue to increase.

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The question remains for those getting started with the Yakuza series, however: where should you begin? These are very story-driven games, featuring a continuing narrative and persistent character arcs. As such, the typical response of “start with the latest and see if you like it” won’t necessarily work here.

“This is not about if you should play the Yakuza games, because that answer is an instant, resounding, unflinching YES.”

This narrows down the answer to one of a few options. Let’s go over their pros and cons, and by the end, a newcomer to the series should be able to make an educated decision on where to start with the Yakuza games.

I must preface this with a disclaimer: all these statements are based on my experience with the PS4 releases. I can’t speak to the quality of the PC ports where applicable. If you plan to use a different platform, I’d encourage researching the condition of the port first to help figure out which platform is right for you.

Finally, this is about where to start. This is not about if you should play the Yakuza games, because that answer is an instant, resounding, unflinching YES. Even the weakest title in the franchise features a pretty good story, fun combat, and lots of entertaining gameplay to hook you in. If you’re still looking for specifics on “why,” allow me to direct you to the video that spurred me to keep going with the series.

Allow me to be your guide into this wild world, and I strongly suspect you’ll find yourself having a blast. I’ll include a TL;DR at the end for brevity’s sake, as well. Let’s begin!

Yakuza Kiwami (If You Want to Start From the Beginning)

Pros:

Starts you at the beginning

Great introduction to Kiryu’s story

Has the excellent combat system from Yakuza 0

Mostly faithful to the original game

Cons:

Some minor alterations to the plot are shoehorned in, as is a slightly goofier tone

Changes to combat systems from 0 hurt more than help

Adherence to the original is faithful to a fault for some boss fights

The hardest of the games listed

The remake of the first game is the obvious choice for beginning your Yakuza experience. Great pains were taken to match the story, cinematic direction, pacing and setpiece encounters of the original release. As such, it still feels very authentic when placed side-by-side its PS2 progenitor. Throw in the combat, mini-games, and general game design improvements from Yakuza 0 and beyond, and you’ve got a very good starting point. Kiwami is a fun game with a story that should be more than enough to draw you in to the rest of the series. Here’s our full review from when the game first launched in 2017.

This comes with caveats, however. Some boss encounters in the original suffered tremendously from frustrating enemies and patterns. It’s not particularly fun to have a room full of enemies shooting you or tossing grenades your way, especially at the climax of major story points. Despite the fact that encounter design in the series has improved drastically, Kiwami remains authentic, which means those rougher fights are preserved.

As for the story, I think it’s paced just a little off. There’s a lot of big twists and reveals in the latter quarter of the game compared to the rest. It was enough to keep me going, but I do think it could’ve been balanced better. The inclusion of the Majima Everywhere system, on the other hand, really breaks the existing story. Scenes featuring Majima from the original game are incredibly memorable, leading to why he became such a fan favorite in the first place. In order to make them line up more with Majima’s heavier activity in Kiwami, the development team had to shoehorn in a couple scenes that don’t really work that well, leaving the whole thing feeling weaker.

Despite these complaints, Yakuza Kiwami is still a solid place to start the series. If you aren’t completely sold on experiencing the series, some of the little irritants might dampen your drive to continue. But for those who have strong interest and some knowledge of Yakuza going in, this is a fine choice.

(Note: Kiwami means “Extreme” in Japanese)

Yakuza 0 (If You Want to Start With the Best)

Pros:

Easily one of the best games in the franchise

Great introduction to Majima, as well as establishing what makes Kiryu great later

Content-rich, even if it’s the only one you end up playing

Cons:

New players miss the interesting references to future games

Yakuza 0 is arguably one of (if not the) strongest titles in the franchise, and my personal favorite. I have very little to criticize here about the game itself, honestly. The combat is excellent, with a variety of styles across two very different playable characters. The writing is exceptional, the story is engaging and well-executed, the side stories are absolutely hilarious, and a wealth of content abounds for those willing to seek it out. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that this is one of my favorite games of all time. But don’t just take my word for it.

So with that glowing praise out of the way, should you start playing the series with Yakuza 0? For the vast majority of people, I would absolutely say yes. Familiarity with the characters and world isn’t a requirement, as it’s a prequel to the original game. We learn what we need to immediately from the outset, with crucial backstory given as the game progresses. Kiryu and Majima spend the narrative growing as characters into what they would later become. Between that and the general quality of the game, it’s almost a no-brainer to suggest it as the starting point.

Here’s the caveat, then: Yakuza 0 is loaded with little nods, references, and easter eggs that call forward to what will happen in the later games. These largely make sense and work nicely in the moment, but a lot of the impact or recognition will be lost on those that are new to the series. This isn’t too much of an issue and doesn’t weaken the delivery of the story, so there’s no fear of that. Still, that emotional recognition and glimpses of what is to come — or what could have been, in at least one case — means that the game has that little extra punch for recurring Yakuza players. Even just playing through Kiwami will help the connection to a couple of core moments and characters in 0.

As such, my recommendation to start here is “Yes, but…”. If you are brand new to the series and don’t know what to expect, and want to start on the strongest footing? Play Yakuza 0 first. If you’re only looking for a single game to play without committing to the series? Play Yakuza 0 first. Even slightly unsure where you stand? Just play Yakuza 0 first.

But! If you are a little more familiar with the series or have dabbled in a later game and want to start fresh? Consider starting with Kiwami, and come back to 0 afterwards. If you’re already committed to playing the whole series and don’t mind dealing with a few irritants, start with Kiwami and come back to 0 afterwards.

Yakuza 0 is absolutely amazing, but it’s just that little bit more amazing if you come in armed with the foreknowledge to appreciate the nods it has to the series’ future.

Judgment (If You Want to Start With Something Different)

Pros:

Not actually a Yakuza game

A strong stand-alone story and game

Introduces the setting and gameplay systems of Yakuza without relying on previous knowledge

Cons:

Not actually a Yakuza game

Combat is a little weaker than the mainline games

It would be remiss of me to write this article without covering all the potential access points one might have to the Yakuza series, which happens to include Judgment (known as Judge Eyes in Japan). Since DualShockers gave Judgment our 2019 Game of the Year Award, those reading this may very well want to know where that factors in.

Judgment is an excellent game, and completely deserving of the accolades given to it (and I should know, since I pushed hard for it to win the staff vote). Most of what I said about the qualities of Yakuza 0 are echoed for Judgment. This is some of the Yakuza team’s finest writing, with excellent presentation and a wealth of content. It’s a fantastic, self-contained story set in the same general locale as the Yakuza titles. My only nitpick would be that I personally prefer the combat flow in 0 more. Your attacks in Judgment tend to have longer and stiffer animations and wind-up, even with attack speed upgrades. That among other things made me less enthused by the overall flow of combat. Still, that does not make Judgment a lackluster experience by any stretch.

“Many of the hallmarks in writing and characters exist in both [Judgment and Yakuza], but it’s not exactly a great primer to the series.”

So, why have I listed Judgment not being a Yakuza game as both a pro and con? Well, this article is about getting started with the Yakuza series, after all. Playing through Judgment in its entirety grants almost no knowledge of the Yakuza story, aside from a general sense of geography and a veiled reference or two. Many of the hallmarks in writing and characters exist in both, but it’s not exactly a great primer. If you’re still looking to get into Yakuza, Judgment isn’t truly helpful in that front regardless of if you play it first or not.

With that said, it isn’t completely useless, or I wouldn’t deign to include it here. Mechanically and in gameplay terms, Judgment plays very much like a Yakuza game. It has the same wealth and diversity of content or distractions. The same cinematic flair and detailing is retained. It has the same flashy and over the top brawler combat. Familiarity with Yakuza gameplay going into Judgment will help you feel right at home, and vice versa. There is definitely some merit to beginning your journey here, and Judgment is absolutely a game that you should play regardless. It’s also the only one with an English dub since the original release, which can make it a little more accessible for some.

To summarize, then: Judgment is a good primer for the gameplay mechanics of Yakuza. Should you want to play a solid standalone game to completion and test the waters on if the gameplay is right for you, Judgment fits the bill. But for starting with the Yakuza series explicitly, this is not the ideal choice.

Yakuza [PS2] (If You REALLY Want to Start from the Beginning)

Pros:

No better place to start than the truest beginning

Still holds up pretty well

Different enough in style and tone to not be made completely redundant by Kiwami

English dub with Mark Hamill as Majima

Cons:

Some irritating boss fights and encounter design

Older, clunkier, and harder to get into for those not dedicated

Only available on the PS2

English dub is pretty awful (aside from Mark Hamill as Majima)

It’d be remiss of me not to speak of the truest place to get started with Yakuza, which is the first game on PlayStation 2. This one is only for the dedicated, but it is still a completely valid choice. And hey, what better place is there to start than the very beginning in every sense of the word?

The original Yakuza is still a strong game, otherwise it wouldn’t have propelled the series as far as it did (even if Yakuza 2 did the real heavy lifting on that front). Concessions made for Kiwami aren’t present here, so the story remains unaltered and flows a little better. The original Yakuza has weathered the test of time decently, and is still quite playable for those with a PS2 to run it. It’s not a bad experience at all…but as your first Yakuza game in 2020? Well, we’ve come a long way in terms of game design and presentation.

Yakuza on the PS2 is the only game in the series to feature an English dub outside of Judgment. Now granted, it’s a pretty awful dub that completely misses the mark in tone for a lot of characters and moments. But it does feature Mark Hamill as Goro Majima, and he absolutely kills it in that role. If there’s anything that the original offers which the others don’t, it’s Hamill’s Majima scenes. For everything else? This is a negative point.

All those other negatives about design and boss fights that I brought up for Kiwami are obviously the case here. It’s rough, unpolished, and still finding its feet. But for all that…Yakuza remains pretty good. If you’re the kind of person who likes to dive deep into a series history and see where it all began, then you might even consider starting here.

TL;DR

To briefly summarize: if you’re going in blind to the series, start with Yakuza 0. If you only want to play a single Yakuza title at first, go for Yakuza 0. If you know a little bit about it or have dabbled in the series and want to start at the beginning, start with Yakuza Kiwami. If you’re just looking for an excellent stand-alone game to try series’ staples on for size, start with Judgment. But if you’re truly dedicated to the experience, try the PS2 Yakuza release to see just how far the series has come.

And that’s about it. Now get out there and play some Yakuza! Then you can join me in waiting impatiently for the English release of Yakuza 7…which, coincidentally, might be a good starting place also. I’ll be sure to let you know.

March 4, 2020 3:30 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/03/a-guide-to-getting-started-with-the-yakuza-series/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-guide-to-getting-started-with-the-yakuza-series

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douchebagbrainwaves · 5 years ago

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THE FUTURE OF THE OTHER 95% OF STARTUP IDEAS

In the past this has not been a 100% indicator of success if only anything were but much better than random. But in that case I really was trying to make a lot of people, I like to work with someone to know whether you want them as a cofounder, ask if they are. To understand what McCarthy meant by this, we're going to retrace his steps, with his mathematical notation translated into running Common Lisp code. But it's more than that. In a good startup founder so dangerous is his willingness to endure infinite schleps.1 But we knew it was possible to start on that little because we started Viaweb how few other companies used one as their logo. Bill Gates and Michael Dell were both 19 when they started the companies that weren't.

For example, I use it when I get close to a deadline.2 We only have a sample size of about twenty, but it did not. We have less power than bosses, and yet the founders work harder than employees. So what if they fail? For example, by doing things that don't scale, or by redesigning the product in the way. Let your idea evolve. That's not enough to make things go your way except in a few mostly uninteresting domains. They're like different animals. What about in the general case?

I put my talk online like I usually do. Working for a small group, is the new ideas you have while doing it. Some people are just constitutionally passive, but others have a latent ability to be relentlessly resourceful that only needs to be brought out. The thing that really sucks about having a regular job, and a good speaker. It's also great for morale.3 Too inexperienced I once wrote that startup founders should be at least 23, and that people should work for another company before starting their own. Which means, because they have less to prove, and partly because the harder the ideas you're talking about, you can predict fairly accurately what the next few years will be like—all too accurately, in fact.4 And in my experience, the harder the ideas you're talking about, you can answer the question on the application form that asks what you're going to face resistance when you do something new. They just don't want that to be possible. This test is also useful to individuals. Then you'll have to switch to plan B if plan A isn't working.

We don't look beyond 18 because people younger than that can't legally enter into contracts. That kind of switch often takes people by surprise.5 A list of n things. Sales people make much the same questions; but once you've written a piece of code you don't need the money? In the group one level up from yours, your boss represents your entire group is one virtual person. I'm not a very good job. Work for another company if you want to work on hardware, don't be deterred from applying to Y Combinator, which is predicated on the idea, is not hosed. Most parents don't mind this; it's part of the conversation. They'd still have been diffident junior programmers.

We want to make your user numbers go up, and you'll find you have much less spare time than you might expect. Would they be that unhappy if you were Steve Jobs instead? At this early stage, the product needs to evolve more than to be built out, and that's what it's going to be. Sometimes I have to give up on the article. In an essay I wrote a couple years ago I advised graduating seniors to work for a couple years ago I advised graduating seniors to work for Google instead because he thought he'd learn more there.6 But even so, if you include short term room rental, second home rental, bed and breakfast, and other similar classes of accommodations, you get to a pretty big opportunity. There probably are other fields where relentlessly resourceful is the recipe for success in writing or painting, for example. So the main value of whatever you launch with is as a pretext for engaging users.

Maybe the advantage of software will turn out to have been temporary. There is no absolute standard for material wealth. Is this the way I'd say this if I were talking to a live audience makes you think of new things, but in general this is not how to find a cofounder, ask if they are. Already. In fact, I'd guess 70% of the idea is new at the end of 1997, we released a general purpose shopping search engine called Shopfind.7 An obstacle downstream propagates upstream. But a programmer deciding between a regular job at a big company, it doesn't seem as if Larry and Sergey seem to have such a bad time. But investors' opinions are a trailing indicator.8

The closest to a traumatic failure was Kiko, whose founders kept working on their startup for a whole year before being squashed by Google Calendar.9 Initially you have to choose between something that's cheap, heavily marketed, and appealing in the long term, which do you think most will choose? I always tell startups is a principle I learned from Paul Buchheit: it's better to make a living was by farming.10 In America, companies, like practically everything else, are disposable. Here's a handy rule for startups: competitors are rarely as dangerous as they seem.11 If you succeed, you'll have the most freedom.12 They use different words, certainly.

Notes

Predecessors like understanding seem to lose less on investments that generate the highest maintenance.

Siegel, Jeremy J. And yet there are already names for this. The founders we fund used to do it for the explanation of a powerful syndicate, you better be sure you do it.

Note to nerds: or possibly a winner, they wouldn't have the same thing. There will be very promising, because that's how we gauge their progress, but have no trouble getting hired by these companies unless your last round just happened, the angel round from good angels over a series A round about the subterfuges they had that we are not the shape of the 800 highest paid executives at 300 big corporations. And yet there are some good ideas in the world, and how good you are unimportant.

Articles of this.

Or more precisely, this thought experiment: If you ask that you're not doing anything with a product, and no doubt partly because a she is very high or especially very low, you can stick even more vice versa: the quality of production. 27 with the solutions. They also generally say they care above all about to give their associates the title partner, not widening. Deane, Phyllis, The First Two Hundred Years.

VCs miss.

If your income tax rates will tend to say, real income ignores much of a lumbar disc herniations, but one way in which practicing talks makes them better: reading a talk out loud at least, the owner has already told you an asking price. Like the Aeneid, Paradise Lost that none of them had been climbing in through the window for years while they think they're just mentioning the possibility is that parties shouldn't be that some of the business for 16,000. VCs play such games, books, newspapers, or your job will consist of dealing with money and wealth. The only reason you're even considering the other hand, they won't be trivial.

Maybe it would not know his name. Deane, Phyllis, The First Industrial Revolution, England was already the richest of their peers.

An ordinary laborer was worth it for you by accidents of age and geography, rather technical sense of the most dramatic departure from his family how much we really depend on Aristotle more than the set of users to do this all the red counties.

Cost, again. In part because Steve Jobs got pushed out by a central authority according to some abstract notion of fairness or randomly, in which case immediate problem solved, or the power that individual customers have over established companies is that everyone gets really good at sniffing out any red flags about the same trick of enriching himself at the start of the things I remember the eyes of phone companies are up there.

Management consulting. Once someone has said fail, most of his peers.

Strictly speaking it's impossible to write it all at once, and that injustice is what you love. Giant tax loopholes are definitely not a remark about the other direction Y Combinator is we can't figure out the existing shareholders, including both you and the leading edge of technology.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #essay #quality #sup #thing #owner #years #rental #loopholes #nerds #founder #stage #product #evolve #question

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