#but i really didn't want to make four seperate posts

[liaswills]

Pick a card: Does your crush like you back?

Today we are asking 4 seperate energies what they think of you! It's important to know that any pick a card's are general energies and some messages are resonant to your crush and others might just be for other people. Generally this is my first pick a card on Tumblr but I've been in the tarot community for longer than today, since 2017 I read tarot.

Disclaimer: I haven't used any tarot cards for this reading, ironically. I'm channelling the messages instead.

Take a moment, I understand crushes on anyone can be mind whirling and obsessive at times. But well I'm here to feed your obsession, aren't I? I will take the opportunity to channel their messages so every reply is written in the voice of your crush (general) and I'll give all four groups some extra information too!

Pick one of these four sentences from my favourite tommy shelby quotes!

1. "Why not?" — Thomas Shelby

2. "Do I look like a man who wants a simple life?" — Thomas Shelby

3. “We used to come here; she’d wait for hours for me when I couldn’t make it. And I’d wait for her if her family kept her in.” — Thomas Shelby

4. “A man needs to prove he is better than me, rather than show me his birth certificate.” — Thomas Shelby

All readings are channelled letters from your crush s/o. Hope you enjoy these and follow my account for more tarot posts!

Pile 1: "Why not?"

First of all this is a person that thinks softly of you. They have kind eyes, might be more of an effeminate person. May have a beard, or look like a gentle giant. I'm also getting blonde/brown hair or shoulder length blonde hair. They have dazzling eyes.

My darling,

I have never called you that before. But why not, eh? Or maybe I do enjoy calling you that in my mind. You are like a fond thought my mind wanders to when I am sitting in the train or my car. Or when I walk or am riding my bike. I think of you softly. I'm secretly afraid, that whilst I think of you softly, you don't think of me that way. I might just be a hopeless fool thinking you'd be interested in myself. Or perhaps I am not a fool?

I kind of want to do fun things together. Take it slow. There are some people I think of. Some other people that might be interesting to me as well. I know you didn't expect to hear that but I'm sometimes too stuck in my daydreams that I wished I was anyone's person. I just want to think of love. I like to imagine my closest friends think me an idiot everytime I say I met someone because how could they not? I sort of just 'love' being in love, right there, in my head.

Telling you how I feel makes me question whether it's worth it. Should I take that step to ask you how you're doing? To ask you whether you'd like to walk with me? Get an icecream? I don't know how to date to be honest. I read often, I just thought that thinking of you in my mind would be easier than thinking of you and I actually going someplace to do fun things together.

I specically like your legs, your smile, your hair. I think you look like my dream person. I may not smile in person, or I may not say these things in person, or I may not even let you know how HOT I think you are but you really are my type. I just don't know whether you'd think of me as 'your' type.

Sometimes I fantasize too much. I think it all out. Us, together, marriage, maybe even normal things like grocery shopping together or finding out what kind of candy you eat or don't eat. I kind of want to know how you live your life. I really admire how you come off to me as a person and I just think that we could 'be' something. If only my mind wasn't so easy to wander to other scenario's and people and friends who could possibly become my person too.

If you like me, just tell me. Right now. I beg of you. It would make my day. It would be recipocrated, I already have chosen you in my heart but I can't keep my mind collected. I can't stop thinking about work or about how busy I actually am when in truth, I just want to get to know you better.

Don't be sad. I don't want you to be sad. Was I an asshole? I never meant to be one. Trust me.

Do you trust me?

Yours Forever,

Your hopeless romantic

Pile 2: "Do I look like a man who wants a simple life?"

This is someone who has dark features. Might have brown hair. They come off as someone who has dazzling green/hazel or brown eyes. They are HANDSOME. You think of them in a handsome light. Their dress style might enchant you daily. Everytime you receive pictures of them or see them you might just think highly of their aesthetic. They're giving stronger masculine vibes or someone who has a dominant personality.

Babes,

Look I never meant to fall for you. I think my guides never saw 'me' falling for you. But I did. I was thrown into this abyss of feelings that I had long forgotten or long thought I could not feel anymore. I keep being disappointed in life but you have never disappointed me. I like that. I like that about you.

You and I talk or we don't. It's like that. I know it is. Because I keep you far away from me when I need time to make a decision. When I need to fix my shit. When I need to fix my issues. I have many of them. I don't need an angel like you to come into that mess. I don't want you to see a mess or see me as a mess. I need you to understand that I'm getting better. Really, I am. I thought I told you that, before, didn't I?

My life can never be just us. It's everything. It's mostly my family, my job, my friends. It's everything. I am always at the center of it and sometimes that makes me anxious. My friends drag me into shit you may not like. I might hurt your ideas about me when I do stuff like that, or I might be repugnant but it's just who I am, all right?

I can't be with someone who will hold me back. I am not saying you do this, but I hope that you will understand I don't really know how to be in a relationship that isn't going to end in destruction so I will put this lightly: don't give me the steer. I need you to say what you need to say and be as expressive as possible to keep me there with you. Maybe I like you, maybe I don't, I don't even know this myself.

See my guides want me to stop questioning my life. They want me to stop being such a fuck, maybe I do too. When I talk to you or when I think of you, I think of what of a redemption arc that would be for me? I know that sounds weird, but I think of how I could do 'right' by you.

So, technically, no, I don't want you to crush on me because I would not deserve you. But I also want you to be with me because I want to have you. Does that make me an asshole? I suppose it does.

Look, I know how to get you on your knees. I know how to kiss you, I'm experienced, I know. I know where to push your button, what to flirt, what to say, I do this naturally. It's like god gave me one gift and it's flirting without actually intending to flirt.

I get in a lot of trouble for that.

Like you for instance. You're my trouble. You're my death. You are the one person I can't get off my mind and it bothers me because I can't come forward to you and give you this sorry excuse of a person that I am right now. I really can't. Will you forgive me for not saying anything? If you ask me about my feelings, my love, I will most likely just ignore it or just be rude. I know, I can't have you.

You do NOT deserve me. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to want me, yet I do. Yet I thrive on it. Yet I am so sick that I would get off on it. I want you to want me, it's a game, alright? It's a game. I thrive on the thrill. I thrive on chasing. I thrive on flirting. This is a mad world and you're making it worse.

If you'd give me a chance, if by some miracle you'd be able to tame the fucktard that I am, would you be able to put up with my non-commital energy? Would you? See, you don't want this. I know you do.

My guides don't want this for you.

I'm sorry,

Your idiot.

Pile 3: “We used to come here; she’d wait for hours for me when I couldn’t make it. And I’d wait for her if her family kept her in.”

Your person is very feminine. I see someone who is shy, gives off introverted vibes or might just be a person who doesn't express what's going on with them all the time. They have a hard time texting others first, they might wait on texts instead. I feel like they are someone who thinks fondly of you.

Mr/Mrs *insert your name*,

I didn't know it could feel like this. Ha, who would've thought that, ME of all people would like you like some childish crush, though, the child in me still dreams of my shining knight. Are you that person? My shining hero, you might think I read too much fantasy novels or that I'm too obsessed with that one band, haha, I know, I am. I may talk too much about my one interest because It's all I think of. It's where I want to be, want to dream of, it's where my mind wanders and what keeps me occupied. I know you're not like that, or maybe you are, but you don't show it that easily.

I do like you. There, I said it. I want to be polite. I want to court you properly, when I do gather the courage to actually do that. I feel like somehow you might be the one person for me. Therefore, I find you irresistable. Because of that connection between us. We might already be friends, or well, we hang around one another, but I think you and I could be something more.

It had to be you. It just had to be you. That's what Barbra Streisand sings in the song "It had to be you" with Michael Bublé. I am on a cloud. Because I dream too much, I might seem like I am zoning out at times. That's what you do to me. You make me zone out and dream of many things. Sometimes my mind wanders back to those idols though, haha, or my favourite celebrities or games or book characters. But it mostly is you.

I would like to tell you how you inspire me. I am not an artistic person, but if I was, I would draw you. I would paint you. I would want to paint your soul. Does that sound too weird? Probably. See, when I think of you, I think of how you would be the most perfect thing to be laying beside me. To be holding hands with as we walk through an autumn world forest, to get a hot drink with in the cold winter, to meet up with for lunch or dinner. I think of you kindly, admiring and I hope you don't think I'm coming off too strongly on you because yes, I recipocrate this crush you have on me.

Even if you're not sure if you crush on me, I would not mind. Technically, I'm yours. I want to be yours. I might not be too responsible sometimes, I might not take the lead in things but I promise you that I can do that if you allowed me the time to adjust to you, to being around you, and not just you in my head.

I could ramble on and on about you in my head. I don't have many friends and the people I talk to I do mention you. Sometimes when I see something that reminds me of you, like something I see in a store window and I am like, you would like that shit, I'm almost tempted to buy it as a gift. I like gift giving. But I am bad with receiving it. I would really like if we could give each other book or song recommendations, maybe exchange poems. I secretly would give you a poem that explains my feelings for you, not going to lie about that.

Yeah, that's what it is. I sometimes feel like I have no appetite. I don't want to eat when I think of you. I can't get my head straight some days. And then I just focus only on stories. Books. My interests. I would like to get to know your interests too. Sometimes I worry that I am not good enough for you. Or that you would not want me. It keeps me silent. Truly.

It's stupid, I know. I might not come from a good background. My family life was not something that brought me joy and that kept me in my books and my internal world. Or it was my school but I hope that you might want to be my family.

Or is that too much? I'll convince you of how great that would be. :)

Yours truly,

*insert their name*

Pile 4: “A man needs to prove he is better than me, rather than show me his birth certificate.”

This is a soft masculine energy. He comes off hard on the outside. I am getting a definite 'he' but it could also be someone that is considered a butch energy, has macho energy or a person with very masculine energy. Technically it doesn't matter but this person has a message for you and it's coming. :) They're a bit mysterious.

My Destiny.

You feel like my destiny. You know I am a religious person, I think a certain way about life that might be philosophical, it might be faith, it just is my faith. I want you to know that when you're not around, I think of you as special. The song, I am a Creep, by radiohead, you like that one don't you?

Why do I have the feeling that you're after the bad guy. That you're after someone who looks dangerous, could be dangerous and that I would be that person for you. Why do you give me those eyes? That stare? That smirk? You're playing coy but I know that you fantasize about me like I am some devil in the sheets.

I really am not. *Snort*. Truly, you'll think of me less than that. Sometimes I worry that you think of me in a way where you're making this up. About me, information just gets distorted or you make something up in your mind that doesn't truly fit my personality. I would say that I don't mind you doing this, I think it's kind off cute. I think you're cute.

Some days, I wonder what you're doing. Only some days. Like those moments when it's night, you're sitting on the couch or in the tub and I am contemplating what to do now that my phone died (I might just be addicted to my phone) and I think of you in those moments of disconnect. I can watch the moon or I can look up at the nightsky and wonder if you're my person.

I like witches. Eh, did I say that? Yep. You're like a witch to me. Not in a bad way, more like in the way that "I know my girlfirend is a witch" vibe. You are mysterious to me. Something about you that I can't pinpoint my finger on. Something mysterious. It draws me in, but at the same time I don't want to be drawn in by you.

It's a push and pull with my feelings of my heart and my body and my mind. It's like this, I don't think you fit in my ordinairy life. You should do something with someone that fits your life. We might just be dating other people or you might feel unavailable emotionally to me, which is something I can't help but only you can, truly.

Still... I do think of you softly. In the quiet moments. My mind lingers on you. You're my favourite happy place where my thoughts can wander to. My favourite thing to relax, I don't know maybe your body is too. You know how I would love to relax with you, sweaty, together and being intimate in a way that makes you blush if I would ever talk about it nonchalantly in public day light.

I'd like to take you to a restaurant. You'd like that, huh? I know, I am smug when I think I know something about you but truly, i'm just a clueless fool wanting your attention when all but nothing you're just this goddess that could ruin me if you tried.

You don't even have to try, truly. I'm already broken, that's my secret.

I don't fear breaking my heart. So, if you do want to chase this? Chase me, darling.

I am ready.

But, let me say one more thing before I end this message. That dress, those trousers, that favourite clothing item you own, the one that looks comfortable, but isn't? Ehm, yeah, I have thought about you in that exact piece and eh- shamefully have fantasies about you wearing that fucking thing. Sorry, I get carried away when it's you, I really do.

You didn't expect this, did you? I know you think me the person you'd think is your type but you might need to re-arrange your expectations about me. I will disappoint you, I know that I will, I can't do nothing right in my life, why would I do right by you?

I sound like I hate myself. Perhaps I do.

Will you love me then, honey?

You know who I am.

Thankyou for reading this pick a card! I hope the message resonates and that you're able to enjoy this little crush reveal or did not enjoy this crush disappointment. The energies were very different and some messages aren't entirely the same but take whatever resonates, not what doesn't, if your gut feeling says those words weren't from your crush or s/o then they're not.

All the love, elias.

[kaiserkisser]

GUYS IVE HAD THIS THOUGHT FROM AGES IM FINALLY POSTING IT

okay so this is basically a post on how the song redemption by besomorph is literally about dazai. never made one of these before but i need yall's opinions

LETS START

ok so.

You say I make you nervous, a tragedy I'm a beautiful disaster, a reckoning You wonder how I got this way (you wonder how I got this way) You think I'm someone to be saved, someone to clean up and tame Oh somethings never change, never change, oh

for me, this is dazai's relationship with mori. the first line a direct reference to what he told mori at 22 at the truce meeting. the third line, its exactly what it says, with the 'you' being mori. (could be referring to when mori asked dazai why he wanted to die at 15) the next line, mori not letting him die, keeping him alive despite his attempts to kill himself. the last line? idk. maybe maybe that emptiness he feels never going away?

You think I would look pretty on your arm Once you cover up my bruises and battle scars But it always ends the same (but it always ends the same) Can't bear the things I've had to face Got you crying on your knees in pain Oh, somethings never change, never change, oh

the ffirst line, him being mori's right hand man. the second, his bandages. um, idk the exact reference for the rest but listen it still gives me dazai vibes okay???

You'll break your back to make me feel again Suffocate to make me breathe again Lose your mind from endless praying Somethings never change, never change, oh Redemption never came

for me, this is BOTH chuuya and odasaku towards dazai. both care for him, dont want to let him die (despite what chuuya says) esp odasaku, he literally died, and his last words were aimed at helping dazai feel a little more, be a bit better. the some things never change? maybe the 'everything worth wanting is always lost the moment i obtain it' still being true, even after all this time? (the manga events- :'( ). redemptiom never came, for the fact that eventually, maybe he didnt succeed in saving people like odasaku wanted? that, fir him, odasaku died, and he was seperated from chuuya for four years and it wasnt really the same after?

I stopped asking for forgiveness 'cause you should know Only fools tread where the angels fear to go But you keep trying to get too close (But you keep trying to get too close) Saved myself by turning into stone So save your judgment 'cause you just don't know But somethings never change, never change, oh

idk im thinking of the ada but idk how to explain it more... dazai vibes alr?

They say I should feel guilty and change my ways Leaving crumpled bodies in my wake Swear I didn't mean to make them break (Swear I didn't mean to make them break) But they're so delicate and so mundane And they keep coming like a moth to flame Oh somethings never change, never change

um i dont know how to explain this either it just really REALLY seems like a dazai thing. genuinely. please tell me you get what i mean. bc istg i KNOW what i mean but i dont know how to SAY it urghhhhhhhh

thats the song lmao ANYWAYS GO LISTEN TO IT!!!!!!!!! ITS AN AMAZING SONG!!!!!!

[twitterrefug33]

Hello, I come from another social media where I've already posted this longer than a week ago. I'm not really active on my Tumblr because sometimes I forget I have it and I'm like "Wait... I forgot to post this on tumblr.."

So, I find the entire plot of slendytubbies to be kind of confusing. I feel like it is really fast paced, there's some unexplained parts of the story(doesn't help that it's not getting continued either) and some other things, so I've just been wanting to rewrite it.

For starters, I'm going to give my interpretation of shadow tubbie, because I do feel like he's an important character however we'll never be able to find out why. His story is based off of a theory I had on amino(💀) in 2021, where he's not really your enemy, more of a warning about the infection.

Anyways, here's my version of shadow tubbie! 🖤

Shadow Tubbie, instead of just being called "Shadow Tubbie" has been renamed to Scáth which fun fact, means "Shadow", "Shade" or "Phantom" in Irish. He's only referred to as "The Shadow" or "Nightmare" when being referred to in his infected form.

Due to his random appearance in game confusing me (and the fact that we don't get a continuation of the story) I wanted to make his involvement with Laa Laa and The Guardian make sense. I made it so that in my version of slendytubbies, he was originally supposed to be the main four's father/parental figure. (He also raised them with a character I made who will be introduced later)

Sadly, he only got to raise Tinky until he was ten and Laa Laa and Dipsy when they became three years old. (Po was just born when he became infected) Why? Well, the scientists that created the Teletubbies had become suspicious as they were working with Noo Noo to create dosages to start off the infection. Scáth became distasteful of the scientists and he started to become extremely overprotective of his children. The scientists didn't like this as Scáth would have more violent behaviors towards the scientists, and they knew this would influence his children.

Eventually, they forcefully seperated Scáth from Tinky, Laa Laa, and Dipsy to test their dosages on him, making Scáth the first victim of the infection. They wiped Tinky's memories of him as he was the oldest, and assumed that Laa Laa and Dipsy didn't need it as they were toddlers and probably wouldn't remember anyways. Unfortunately for them, Laa Laa had hyperthymesia so she had small glimpses of memories of Scáth. Once Scáth became Shadow Tubbie, he knew of this information. When Laa Laa was old enough, he started to send messages to her inside of her dreams. Laa Laa was frightened by his appearance and didn't like the environment of where her dreams were set, so Scáth tried so hard to be less menacing towards her. He has tried melting his legs to be less taller, playing fond memories of hers on his TV screen (on his stomach), helped her create her imaginary friend ghost girl so Laa Laa could get more used to the environment and be braver, etc. However, none of it worked and she still has constant nightmares. He wanted to warn her about the infection, however he could only communicate through glimpses of imagery.

After Scáth was seperated from them, they replaced him with The Guardian. Unfortunately, The Guardian wasn't allowed to be close to them, as they knew that if he was, he would've had a similar reaction to Scáth. Since he was already obedient towards the scientists, they made him observe the Teletubbies from a far distance inside of his secret lair. Scáth also knew this, so he decided to send warning signals towards The Guardian the same way with how he did with Laa Laa. The Guardian was more understanding, knowing something was wrong however, he was bit confused. This is why Scáth appears more frequently in Laa Laa's dreams instead of Guardian's, because The Guardian already has an idea on what's going on.

Scáth unfortunately doesn't recognize that his visions are mentally exhausting, as they serve more as a nightmare rather than a warning. Although, his images are frequent enough to send some form of a signal, as some of his images would also flash in morse code. The images that are meant to jump scare the players in the previous games are actually warnings sent by Scáth, telling the player (The Guardian) that infecteds are nearby.

Scáth has hope in The Guardian, so he sees through his eyes from time to time. Sometimes, Scáth makes the Guardian see a lot of images, signaling "Danger" or "Don't go here" but The Guardian is confused.

After Scáth became infected, the infection affected him in the most brutal way possible that he ceased to exist, causing him to be a thought form. He was powerful enough to create the dream realm, however, he can only exist there in his universe. Naturally, he isn't a violent creature and is usually pretty nice, however he will only attack when you've come into the dream realm uninvited, you were apart of creating the infection and or making it worse, or you are just in general a terrible person.

Although Scáth can exist as a physical life form, it is only in seperate universes. How does he access them? When people enter his dream realm, it opens up gateways to another dimension, which also makes the dimensions he accesses very limited. Once he enters said dimension, he returns to his first form, wanting to restart his life before it ended horribly. Unfortunately, he can be killed in said universe. And once that happens, he can never return to it again.

Scáth can be permanently killed in his universe, however it is extremely hard as the infection takes over his body whenever someone shows extreme amounts of violence against him in the dream world. (I.e multiplayer mode where you receive weapons) being killed in his universe also kills him in every single one he could enter and be normal in.

Since he was the first victim of the infection, it has kind of affected him differently. He still has a sense of himself, as most of the dosages he took were to put a virus inside of him, that morphed his body in ways to the point his own body deteriorated and turned him into a phantom of sorts.

Fun facts!!

His first and second form are 11'8, while his full shadow form (without his legs being removed) is 20 feet tall.

He can change the environment of the dream realm however he chooses it to be dark, as I made his infected form sensitive to light.

If you come into the dream realm uninvited, he will become violent. However, if you happen to be one of the people he invited into the dream realm before (or you're a child) he'll spare you.

He can't invite people into the dream realm from other universes, however people from said other universes can come in uninvited (which causes rifts in time)

Weirdly fun fact, Scáth's dream world has stopped the time and space continuum being interfered with in his universe.

He cannot return to his dreamworld until his physical form dies in the current world he's in, whether that would be due to natural causes, sickness, or murder.

He's a normal tubbie in his physical form. (Aside from the blatant void in his eye)

The void eye/his left eye can't close, neither can he see out of it.

He's 37! (Old man)

If he started to cry, the void in his eye will leak a black goo.

Thank you for taking the time to read my character concept for Shadow Tubbie! He's still a long way from being full fleshed out as I'm still working on his personality and story and still trying to rewrite some things, but that's it for now.

[halokarii]

/// BSD Spoilers up to Ch. 110

So I realized something interesting about the teaser for the next episode of the anime: Dazai getting shot by Chuuya is very explicitly shown in the preview.

At first I thought "Oh yeah they just wanted fans to know that we'd be getting to chapter 109 in this episode already". But then I realized that it's actually super weird that they would "spoil" the big twist (Dazai's potential death) in the teaser already. That feels a little bit like if had chosen to show a clip of Chuuya drowning in episode eight (which they obviously didn't - it was supposed to be The Big Thing of that episode, it was meant to shock anime-only fans and leave them with a cliff hanger that would have them come back the following week). So why did they make the decision to show (what one would assume) The Big Thing of episode 10?

And it's not even a subtle hint that only manga readers would pick up on. We flat-out see Chuuya shoot Dazai in the head in 4K colorized version.

People have theorized that episode 11 would actually wrap up this arc by showing unreleased manga chapters, which is a theory I'm inclined to support (what's the alternative? Storm Bringer crammed into 20minutes? Chapter 110 but it's just Aya falling for 15 minutes? A beach episode?).

However, one twenty-minute episode feels way to short for wrapping up an arc as big as this. We literally have four different POVs to follow simultaneously - five if you count SKK and Fyodor/Sigma in Mersault as seperate POVs. Half of the cast is currently bleeding out somewhere. So we'd have to assume that the last episode is gonna be significantly longer (probably fourty minutes, if you want a more or less clean wrap up off all the loose ends). Which in turn leaves us with the question - why not just do an episode 12 and thus bring this season to a standard BSD length?

But let's assume this issue gets fixed somehow.

Narratively I think it would make sense to leave episode 10 with the absolute lowest point of our protagonists. Which I guess you could say it does but that leaves 110 and Aya's little Beastzai moment out. It would be odd to start the episode with Aya jumping because her POV needs to be the first one resolved (since Bram controls the vampirism). It also wouldn't fit with the assumed episode's theme of regaining the upper hand in the battle/ with things looking better for our protagonists.

In conclusion, episode 10 will likely feature Aya's jump as The Big Thing for anime-onlys to be shocked about and in episode 11 we'll get unreleased content and the big finale of this arc.

Is this a theory I personally like? Not really because it leaves the possibility of an incredibly rushed ending to this overall fairly good arc. It would also take away at least a couple of months' excitement for new manga chapters away since these would already be featured in the anime.

But I think it is the best option we are left with. Unless Bones pulls a Haha Jk on us and there is no 11th episode.

I don't usually post rambles like these and my thoughts are probably all over the place so forgive me if this is too confusing T_T

[golbrocklovely]

it's that time again where i do a tarot reading on snc just bc i want to and also bc i felt the need to do one. i also did one for sam and for colby. i separated them bc good god i have a lot to say apparently lol

i did one earlier this year on snc (linked here) and i thought i might as well do one for the rest of the year and see how they're doing, what's coming up for them, and their love lives.

disclaimer: i understand there are ppl/fans that do tarot readings and personally don't believe that you can do a reading on someone that didn't a) agree to one or b) isn't there with you. and while i understand that, i just need everyone to know that this is just for fun. i go into with all the positivity, and this is really just for me in the end. i never claim to be right, i'm not pretending that this is the truth. this is just for entertainment purposes only. if you don't like it, feel free to not read. please take whatever i say in this post with a grain of salt.

(the other readings will be linked at the bottom)

so, i believe i've told you guys before but i have multiple tarot decks, most of which are all just the traditional one. but i have deck that's called 'the psychic tarot'. it used to be the one i'd used the most, just bc it explores different things outside of the traditional tarot cards, but i haven't used it in years. however a couple days ago, i got this overwhelming urge to do a reading on snc with this deck specifically.

to give a bit of backstory on this deck, it has major arcana cards (which are based off of the traditional major arcana cards but named differently), and then the minor arcana cards are separated into four different types: physical, emotions, mental, and spirit. there's also chakra cards as well. a lot of these cards are self-explanitory, but the booklet that comes with the cards does give a bit of a better understanding for them too. so i'll be using a bit of the booklet and also just what i personally feel the cards are saying.

now, onto the reading:

the first question i asked was "how is the rest of this year gonna look like for snc?" i ended up getting seven cards, and how i read that is the first one is currently how they're feeling, and then the rest are what the next six months will be like for them.

first card: trapped in fear. again, a lot of these cards are self explanatory. this one is telling me that snc are both stuck rn bc mentally they aren't sure of the future. and all of that makes perfect sense, given that colby is still up in the air with his health and whether or not he might have to do more chemo. so it would make sense for them both to not know where things lie as of rn. it's also interesting that this card came up just in time for sam to send out an email talking about fear playing a huge role in not moving forward.

speaking of, the second card: positive movement forward. things will work out for them, work related wise, and they'll have the go ahead to get started on projects that they've been holding back on. overall a good card to get after trapped in fear.

third card: patience. this is a major arcana card, similar to the temperance card. this is telling me that snc, most likely, will jump headfirst back into things and kinda want to make up for lost time. but they're gonna need to be patient bc while they want to get everything done, they can't rush it all in one sitting. the booklet also says that this is a call to make balance in your life, which is something that comes up later too in one of their seperate readings. and as we all know, snc don't know how to have a work life balance lol

fourth card: partnership and alliances. at first i thought this was about them both relying on one another, but it seems as if it's actually saying that they might have some new ppl coming into their lives. possibly new collaborators, maybe new business partners. just new ppl are going to be coming in, and they should be open to those experiences bc they will be beneficial for them.

fifth card: foundation and achievements. this card immediately follows the partnership and alliances card in the deck itself so that's pretty interesting. this card is super positive, basically saying that snc are finally gonna have some peace in their life for a moment. basically everything they have been working on will now give back to them in a way. the booklet also talks about this possibly being the sign of a new home, which eh… idk about that. but maybe it could be about them moving somewhere for a bit of time, like they were doing back in 2021 when they kept going from la to vegas. overall this card is really good for them.

sixth card: mental conflict. now interestingly, this card comes up a couple times, but for one person in particular - sam. now i can only imagine why he would going thru mental conflicts… his life is perfect and totally not completely different lol as the card implies, this is about going thru a lot of stuff mentally. not being in the best headspace. this card basically tells me that someone is not ready to keep pushing forward for whatever reason. that something is holding them back. it might not directly imply to sam, it could be the both of them. they both have had some crazy six months so far. and i have a feeling all of that is gonna catch up to them by the end of the year.

the final card: suffering in silence. again, self explanatory. someone here is not too good at expressing how they're feeling, and bc of that, are slowly suffering in their head. this card applies to both boys, let's be honest. they don't really express how they're feeling all too often to us, so i can only imagine how much they don't do it in their personal lives. but i think this might be a turning point for them. take one of them for example - colby. he said in a podcast, very casually, that he doesn't think this cancer diagnosis has actually hit him yet. which what that means to me is that colby hasn't really accepted that this terrible thing has happened to him. and bc of that, i think when he finally gets back into the swing of things, back to "normal" it's gonna hit him like a train. same thing with sam, he's gone thru a lot of change recently. colby's diagnosis, breaking up with kat… all of that has transpired and while i do think he has accepted it as reality, i don't think he's really allowed himself to feel upset about it. maybe at times, sure. but not majorly.

what does all of this mean? i think the rest of this year is gonna be good for them. things seem to be working in their favor again, which is great. and they seem to be getting back into the swing of things, back to their daily routines before all of this happened. however, bc they never have allowed themselves to fully FEEL what they've gone thru, it's gonna catch up to them by the end of the year. look, as much as i would love for snc to post a podcast or just a video in general letting it all out, i understand that might not happen. imma be honest, idk how i would feel seeing them cry on camera. god knows with how emotional i am anymore, i might ball my eyes out.

however, i do think at the very least, snc need to do some work behind the scenes on their own and allow themselves to really feel. bc i think, if by the end of the year they haven't done the mental and emotional work, it's gonna catch up to them. and it's gonna hinder their business. i wouldn't be surprised if by november/december they take a hiatus or an ACTUAL break just bc after everything they've been thru, they'll need it.

i have high hopes, but this all relies on snc to do the work.

<< sam's reading || colby's reading >>

[in-ardent-longing]

I have some opinions too. It was really fascinating watching as the fandom sorted it out. (I apologize ahead of time, this might get rambly. It's late and I'm post migraine which can make for some odd writing on my part)

I think the thing is the lack of suitable characters for shipping. It makes for an interesting type of perfect storm, as you put it. I came from the resident evil village fandom which had a very high y/n ratio for much the same reason. Basically the shipping options aren't necessarily the right flavor or there is something that makes it less than attractive. For re8 it's that there are 7 TOTAL characters and all of them are at odds with each other plus 5 are part of a (cult) family. So people usually latch onto a single character and y/n ship.

With Security Breach we have the four Glamrocks, Sun and Moon, and DJ. (Plus a missing Bonnie and maybe Foxy) so 7-9 total shippable characters. (And while I didn't note above, this is subtracting all kids involved)

Since the Glamrocks never interact with Sun and Moon, except Freddy's one comment it leaves odd clusters of characters that all exist, but have no chemistry to work with. People ship Chica and Roxie because it's cute, Freddy has Bonnie and sometimes a Monty ends up in this jealousy thing so as a result. Or a different background Oc. I've seen that a lot. DJ ends up so background he basically rarely matters for shipping unless someone specifically latched on. At least with my re8 example, they had a hate relationship to work with. Nothing harder to ship them apathy.

I guess the breakdown is this: Freddy and Bonnie are spoken for, plus Freddy showed a negative reaction. So that's a rare ship. It's too hard to work with.

Roxie and Chica get shipped a lot so they're "spoken for", and while some shipping happens with Sun and Moon, it's also rare. I think people seem to find them as friends more appealing, plus 0 canon interactions. Not always a shipping deterrent, but without some kind of spice OR common stereotype you have to really work at writing in order for that to happen. There's nothing inherently funny or tragic to get it started. There was a blip with Roxy early in TSAMS stuff before it really split to its own seperate fandom, but also a counter response as well of not

There IS some Monty shipping, Glittergolf, but the continued difficulties with canon and Month's character getting nothing makes it really hard to work with as time has gone on.

So that leaves us, like my re8 example with some very weak contenders and very little canon to counter.

Now this brings us back to an interesting thing I've not brought up. Normally, this would mean Sun and Moon themselves would be shipped, and sure it happens. Splitting the characters isn't uncommon. But you then end up with an issue. There was debates if they were fully separate (Like Yugioh with Yugi and Atem) or part of the same person (Jekyll and Hyde situation). The thing is Sun and Moon as of security breach do NOT get along. So unlike a Yugioh fic, separating them ends badly. If they're the same person, you now have no one to ship them with. You need an outside influence to nudge them into liking or tolerating each other.

And that brings us back to Y/n. As you put it, people really did latch onto them and that makes people want to see them happy. Which fandom wise means shipping. And we already desperately wanted to interact with them, for Sun's sassy and/or hyper friendliness and for Moon's scary or gremlin energy or a sliver of implied soothing sweetness hidden under grumpy (Trying to hit the most common types people like to see). Plus the daycare looks so cool. And there is mysteries and things to solve or fix.

And for the last point. It's easy. With so many humans that MUST have worked there, just making y/n one of them breaks nothing of canon. There must have been dozens of employees and we know NOTHING of the human characters. You have so many possible jobs you can pretend to have without restrictions. Like there must have been people for tech, janitors, helpers for the daycare or party rooms or the many, many kitchens.

So I think that it's no wonder the y/n became popular. There were too many good ideas and too few canon characters to work them with. XD

saw a post recently about the sun and moon fandom and how non-selfship content is rare, and how that's frustrating, and it struck me, like... how rare that is. genuinely in all my 20ish years in online spaces, i've never seen a fandom that not only welcomed selfship but actively encourages it, when usually the rule of thumb is that it's tolerated at best and despised at worst

so why is this fandom so selfship centric?

the answer is a combination of factors, of course, but I think it was mostly just a perfect storm of the right character with the right traits at the right time. many people between about 23 and 33 were and still are experiencing intense childhood nostalgia that's being perpetuated by online culture and various media, often through a distorted or slightly unsettled lense. the daycare attendant is fun! they're childish, but decidedly not children. they're not human, unattainable in reality, but plausible enough in the age of ai that they make you ponder. they make you long to nap and play and color and do all the whimsical things you wish you could take a week off from your dull job and do! but there's something... off about them. an element of danger that's intriguing. they're dangerous, but what if they aren't to you specifically? or, if they are, what if they overcame that, just for you? what if you were worth it?

people our age are lonely, and if not, often working through issues they didn't have time to contemplate in their teens and early 20s because they were still living throigh the issues. younger people too, of course, but it's especially rampant in the aforementioned age group. past college and college friends, too caught up in work to make new ones. if the dca really clicked with you as a character, it's kind of fun to imagine what it would be like to hang out with them. what if they were your friend? what if they were more?

which leads to my last point--cringe is dead and we stomped on its corpse

maybe it started with a few people drawing a y/n with the dca, and wow the art is cute! who's the cute jester character? ... is that a self-insert? huh. and then more people join in. is that allowed? yes! and the crowd cheers for it too! the right people drawing the right character dynamics at the right moment, drawing others like a moths to a strange robotic flame

ultimately, the fandom attracts so much selfship because that's the bedrock, the foundation the rest of the fandom built its home on. almost all of the common tropes and characterization have roots in selfship fic and art. the dca's popularity very much kicked off from that, and seeing other people using them as an outlet for their loneliness, friendship, romantic or sexual desires, or even just for creative character and plot setups that are only tangentially related to canon actively encouraged others to join in, in a way that could only happen while riding the funerary coattails of cringe culture

it's very much a lightning in a bottle fandom, the likes of which i doubt we'll see again for a while

[ashthecat-15]

so like, I totaly didn't start decorating yet. also it's 6 am and I'm still awake

but at least I managed to buy the sweets yesterday

Also I found my collar again owo awesome sauce

Also also I finished sonic x shadow generations. sonic generations is fine, probably pretty good for modern sonic games, but the only one of those I played was forces just before. I think shadow generations is awesome though. the vibe, the design, the story, definitely took inspiration from frontiers for the hub world, which, yk, I dont mind, frontiers being the main game I played

after sonic 2 ig, but that's even longer ago.

and I love the references, especially on that one cutscene where shadow jumps into sonic generations for a bit

so anyway, uhhh did I show you guys my Pumpcyn yet???

she's awesome

I also tried giving her my cat ears but they wouldn't hold on very well. But that also means I can put the fairy lights I put behind her to outline the ears back inside her to make her brighter

(1 is with cat ears and 2 being very bright)

damn, I can give this post a lot of tags huh

did you guys know I'm trans??? xd

Gramy, a friend from the group chat me and Lamp are in, the friend I mentioned before that lamp already was friends with and I befriended both of them seperately and now I'm in their friend group and stuff, that Gramy, found these bunny plushies, you'll find what I mean by just googling for dysphoria bunny, that's the trans one in particular, and I really like it, and I want it, but like, money, but like, my last four plushies (besides my blahaj) all were squishmallows and some actual stuffed animals would be pretty neat >.<

[thelastifntdragonrider]

HI! I’m putting all of the things i’ve been tagged in from the past couple of weeks that i haven’t answered yet bc i’m working hard on an admission portfolio for university and i really want to get into Sheridan, so yep lots of work and lots of art. i am also working on the HTTYD fandom reading (please sign up) and the next chapters of J’Imagine and No Cannon Shall Sink This Ship. Anyways, onto the tagged: 

get to know me meme: tagged by @animalsarepeople2​ thank youuuu! 

nicknames: Kei / Keiko *i explain this in a question down there somewhere 

Gender: Female 

Star Sign: Libra

MBTI Type: INFJ 

Height: 163cm 

Time: 17:07 (by the time I finished all of these it’s 18:36) 

Birthday: February 25 

Favourite Bands: Beatles, Young Rising Sons, Clean Bandits, Lovelyz, Infinite 

Favourite Solo Artists: Ailee, Ed Sheeran 

Song Stuck in My Head: 1cm by Lovelyz 

Last Movie Watched: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp

Last Show Watched: I just binge watched Stranger Things 

When I created my blog: July 15, 2013/June 27, 2017

What I post about: httyd, animated movies, animation

Last thing I Googled: information about Sheridan and character rotation 

Other blogs I have: my main blog @tokkeiko

Following: 100, though I want to find more good blogs, any recs anyone? 

Followers: in total from both blogs, 200 or something 

Favourite colour: Green 

Average hours of sleep: 8-ish 

Lucky number: 7

Instruments: piano, oboe 

What I’m wearing: jeans and my current favourite sweater which is grey with gold spots 

Number of blankets: I need to remember to find another one bc my room is freezing when I wake up in the morning

Dream Job: story artist at Disney 

Dream trip: i just want to get out of my city rn 

Favourite food: i’m just hungry rn, give me anything, but favourite food, among others, is salted caramel truffle blizzard from the good old DQ (#lovemydq) 

Music ask, tagged by @yv-sketches THANKS!!!! 

10 songs that you are listening to right now; 

my current favourite playlist is called Shut Up and Dance:

“Elle Me Dit” Mika 

“Red Balloon” Charli XCX 

“Dancing in the Dark” Rihanna 

“Shut Up and Dance” Walk the Moon

“Red and Gold” Young Rising Sons 

“Can’t Stop the Feeling” Justin Timberlake 

“Better When I’m Dancing” Meghan Trainor 

“I Bet My Life” Imagine Dragons 

“Into a Fantasy” Alexander Rybak 

“Get Back Up Again” Anna Kendrick

Tag Game, taggged by @thepurplewriter333 ty friend-o! 

Nicknames: Keiko/Kei/Spirit/Sweet Potato 

Gender: Female

Star Sign; Pisces 

Height: 163cm 

Sexuality: probably straight 

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff!!!

Favourite animals: uhhhh... orcas probably 

Average hours spent sleeping: 8 i think, i’m not bothering with math rn 

Dogs or cats: KITTY, all of my sibilings have a significant other and all of their significant others’ have cats and why can’t I have a s/o with a cat???

number of blankets sleeping: during the winter, aka now already, two 

Dream trip: geeeeetttt meeeee ouuuuttt offf thissss citttyyyyy

Dream job: Story artist at Disney 

when I made this account: June 27. 2017

why I made this account: bc i wanted a place to reblog all of the httyd stuff without loosing followers on my other blog 

# of followers: like 47, I think? I recently got more. follow me i am cool person 

92 statements, tagged by @thepurplewriter333 thanks for the double tag! 

Last: 

Drink: Tim Hortons’ Double Double (got to stay caffeinatedddddddd) 

 Phone Call: Home to get a ride home 

Text message: Friend to go hang out later

Song You Listened To: Shooting Star by Lovelyz

Time You Cried: uhhhhhhhh... oh, like a month ago, it was a bad week and then I watched Home and my emotions were already out of wack so I basically sobbed near the end 

Have you: 

Dated someone twice: Nope 

Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope, i’m boring

Been cheated on: nope 

Lost someone special: nope 

Been depressed: i feel like it’s hard to be a university student and not get depressed 

Gotten drunk and thrown up: i am a boring party person and yeah, no i haven’t 

List 3 favourite colours: 

Green

Blue 

Gold 

In the last year have you: 

made new friends: Yeahhhh

fallen out of love: nopppeee...?

Laughed until you cried: like every other day

Found someone was talking about you: in a good way; nope. In a bad way: yeah too many times

found out who your friends are: yeahhhhhh

kissed someone on your FB list: okay someday, i’ll have more interesting answers 

General: 

how many FB friends do you know IRL: 99% of them 

Do you have any pets: nope 

Do you want to change your name: i recently thought about dropping my middle name, but like it has significance to my parents so probably won’t happen and my middle name doesn’t do anything so idk 

what did you do for your last birthday: Keep in mind that I turned 18: my friends and I went to Build-A-Bear and they got me a Build-A-Bear Toothless. 

What time do you wake up: my alarms on early days are 7:00, 7:05, 7:15, 7:25, 7:35, 7:45, 8:00. I naturally wake up at 9-ish 

What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping :D 

Name something you can’t wait for: to (hopefully) get accepted into Sheridan and start a new adventure out there.

When was the last time you saw your mom: she’s in the kitchen with me 

what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish that I could’ve figured out what I wanted to do with life so that I could’ve started Sheridan this year 

What are you listening to right now: Sheridan portfolio reviews, tips, etc. (Starting to see a pattern here?) 

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: friend’s dad. he’s a cool dad. 

Something that is getting on your nerves: when people are packing up their stuff before the professor is finished talking in the last 5 minutes of class. URGH stop moving ppl this stuff is important 

Most visited website: FB, YT, tumblr 

Mole(s): couple

Mark(s): I have freckles (might be moles) on each cheek under both eyes. 

Childhood dream: when you’re a kid, you’re really only exposed to teacher, doctor, police man and whatever your parents are. I think I defaulted to an artist when adults asked. 

Hair colour: black, I have silver hairs though, they stick out on the black hair a lot 

long or short hair: I always grow my hair out and then cut off 12 inches to donate to cancer wigs  

Do you have a crush on someone: not currently, though i had a crush on a guy for like 5 years, so even now, 5 years later, I get happy when I think about him 

Piercings: no, i really think a conch piercing would be nice though 

Blood type: ... A I think, i’ve never gotten tested, but according to genetics, I should be an A 

Nicknames: my full name is Keiko, but everyone called me Kei as a kid, but during high school, I started introducing myself as Keiko, so some people call me Kei, some people call me Keiko, one of them is a nickname, depending on which way you think about it, 

Relationship Status: Egg salad. 

Zodiac: Pisces 

Pronouns: She/her

Favourite TV show: Friends 

Right or left handed: Right, but recently I’ve been trying to teach myself to draw with my left hand 

Surgery: Wisdom teeth 

Hair dyed a different colour: nope, but I think I might try a ombre some day 

Sports: ballet since I was 4ish, ballet is a sport, come fight me on it if you dare 

Vacation: a lot of camping when I was younger, I’ve been to Japan twice, and then places across Canada

Pair of trainers: are we talking about trainers as in shoes? bc then ankle high all black vans. 

More General: 

Eating: this is taking so long I stopped and had supper between these sections

Drinking: Double Double (Tim’s coffee, two creams, two sugars), gotta stay AWaaaaaaaaaaKE

I’m about to: draw character designs or go out to coffee shop to study with friends 

Want: to get into Sheridan so so so so so badly 

Get married: I’m still single, want to put my career first, so yep not for a little while 

Career: i’m a cake decorator rn, see my cakes on my insta @tanakeiart 

Hugs or Kisses: hUG mE

Lips or eyes: Eyes, (though I am supper bad at making eye contact) 

Shorter or taller: would be nice to be slightly taller... 

Older or younger: like to date or something? I think high school rule is a good rule, but rn looking at niners mAN they are tiny

Nice arms or stomach: arms to hug meeeeee

Sensitive or loud: i think I would need a loud person to compliment me 

Hook up or relationship: relationship bc you have a standing plus one to everything and rn being single I have to text like 5 friends to find someone to go with me to something 

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 

Have you ever: 

kissed a stranger: Nope 

Drank hard liquor: I only have like four months until my 19th so like i’ll go drinking then 

Lost Glasses/contact lenses: funny story: family and i were in Japan and we were at Kinkaku-ji and then i realize that one of my eyes have gone fuzzy, so thinking that there is something on the lens, i take my glasses off and my lens had fallen out of the frame. my family literally crawled around trying to find my lost lens, we did find it, but we couldn’t find a small screw that would hold the lens in. my dad fixed it with a twist tie.

turned someone down: nobody likes me so nobody has asked me so i have never turned someone down 

broken someone’s heart: no 

had your heart broken: yeah, by a friend. It is shATTERing 

been arrested: not even a parking ticket in my name 

cried when someone died: no, i am some kind of emotionless egg

fallen for a friend: my heart easily leaps and often trips falls and gets lost

Do you believe in:

yourself: yes, I believe that I can get in, I believe that I can be what I want to be. 

Miracles: I believe in karma more than miracles 

Love at first sight: yes, but not in the way that media portrays it 

Santa claus: nah 

Kiss on the first date: this is weirdly phrased. 

other: 

current best friend name: becky 

Eye colour: brown 

Favourite movie: the other day i was procrastinating and made an official list of favourite movies, which still has a lot of ties: 1/2: httyd 1/2, 3/4: moana, big hero 6, 5/6/7: wreck it ralph, tangled, rise of the guardians,  8/9/10: back to the future 1-3 

wow that took a lot of time, but thanks for tagging me! I’m tagging @thepurplewriter333 @yv-sketches and @animalsarepeople2 on the ones that you didn’t tag me in! also tagging @katlikespie @crazilexa and @fading-shadows for whichever one/s you want to do! 

[unchained-hound-dog]

Jack Harlow request!! The reader has really bad anxiety and during a public appearance somewhere she has a horrible panic attack so Jack rushes to her aide

(If you're not comfortable writing that I totally understand)

thank you for your request!

WARNING: talks about anxiety and panic attacks.

Jack had been invited to a private screening of a new movie, the invitation including a plus one and so he took you, his girlfriend of 4 months. Jack had posted you a few times on his story and so his fans knew of you, so showing up and being papped together wasn't going to be anything suprising.

It was however something very new for you, you'd never been to anything like it before and the nerves were fully settled in your stomach as you sat in the back seat of the van that was driving you to the event. Jack's friends had joined him, he managed to get away with saying they were a part of his PR team when in reality they weren't, but the event organiser didn't need to know that.

'You okay?' Jack's hand that was placed on your thigh squeezed gently as his eyes met yours.

You faked a small smile and nodded, your hand running over his forearm as you leant your head on his shoulder, being mindful not to get your make-up on his shirt.

'Urban and Clay will be there if we get seperated or anything'

'You think we will?' your nerves were getting worse at his statement and as the van came to a stop.

'It's likely they'll want solo pics but just stay with the boys'

Jack pressed a gentle kiss to your lips as the van doors opened and you were both ushered out, Urban and Clay following behind you. Jack made sure to keep his hand on you, the two of you smiling for photos until one of his managers ushered Jack towards a woman holding a microphone with a camera behind her. You were led to the end of the cameras along with Urban and Clay, the three of you standing there chatting, well the boys were talking, you were looking around at all the cameras.

You could hear each click and yell, the cameras made your anxiety peak, you breathing becoming unsteady and your eyes began to water. You lost all knowledge of the world around you as a panic attack began, you felt Urban grab onto your arm as you tried to catch your breath, you fanitly heard Clay shouting for Jack who had just finished his interviews and was posing for more photos. Jack, taking one look to his left, ran straight over and grabbed onto your arms just as you were about to fall to your knees. The three boys pushed through the crowd and made it inside, they took you to a small room that they were shown to and Jack took you inside, sitting you on a chair in there and crouching in front of you.

'Baby I need you to breath' Jack began mimicking deep breaths as he squeezed your legs gently

You began going over what you'd learnt before, trying to recongise and use your different senses, finally you were able to lock eyes with Jack just before bursting into tears.

'I am so sorry' you gasped between words, Jack pulling you into him

'Don't be baby, it was overwhelming out there' he rubbed your back as you cried

You both sat there for a while, your breathing slowing and becoming more managable. Jack sat with you the entire time, wiping your cheeks.

Once you'd fully calmed down, Jack reassured you that you'd be going straight into the theatre and that no one would see you, you being slightly embarassed by your blotchy cheeks.

'I spoke to that chick over there she said we can sit at the back in case Y/N needs to head out' Urban sent you a sympathetic smile as you thanked him, the four of you heading into watch the movie.

[thewadapan]

Not to place judgement on the lady I'm about to talk about by talking about her in a post tagged "bad mothers"—I didn't know her, and never really got the story—but a friend of mine and his two younger siblings very suddenly had to deal with their mother basically wanting nothing to do with the family. Which led to a lot of bouncing between various relatives' houses, strained phone calls, unanswered questions, and raw anger.

The game I would choose is Call of Duty. Specifically, the nazi zombies game mode, though I'd probably file the trademarks off everything. I have this image of the mum killing these undead nazis over and over, receiving instructions from a young man on the intercom who doesn't seem to like her but definitely seems to need her.

In zombies, no space ever stays safe for long, no matter how much you barricade the windows and make it feel like a home. It's just constant fighting, over nothing, it wears you down. You either escape or die.

I think it could be an interesting role reversal. The mother finds herself under total surveillance from this disembodied voice, ordered this way and that. But at the same time, it also highlights the feelings they have in common: that feeling of being trapped, under seige.

The setting of nazi zombies also gives a clear diegetic explanation for the isekai: it's a nazi experiment to try and break into another dimension, gone wrong! The mother's shitty one-bedroom flat is transported across universes, spliced into the facility. Perhaps there's a tragicomic beat along the lines of, "they were trying to summon a monster, you see". This also gives a clear objective: repair the machine, re-open a portal back home. Perhaps there's a twist via the in-game lore, where it turns out the person she's talking to is a son, or a father, or something with relation to her or someone who died in the experiment that brought her there.

My friend's little sister was much younger than us; I never knew her as a person, and I remember she was kind of caught between the parents a lot of the time. I think I would probably give the mother in this story three kids: a teen old enough to talk to her as an adult, a younger boy, and a four-year-old girl. They embody these three seperate stages of development and collectively they allow us to understand what she's like as a mother throughout their whole childhoods. In-game, I think there needs to be a fucked up baby: you know, there's always a fucked up baby in these things, a horrible thing in a jar with glowing zombie eyes and magic powers. This baby ends up being a mcguffin, something people are fighting over, and the mother finds this familiar.

At the end of the story, the emotional catharsis would be that the disembodied-voice character—the narrative-surrogate eldest son—has to make some kind of sacrifice: he needs to stay in a certain room to hold a switch or whatever. The mother is faced with the prospect of abandoning him. Perhaps by this point, she regrets leaving her family, and wants to return to them, but in doing so, is forced to abandon someone anew. Or perhaps she decides that door is closed, but that it's not too late to save this guy in the game.

I think litRPGs typically run longer than this story has the scope to be. The constrained setting and non-verbal enemies limit how much can happen before things get repetitive. But as noted in the original post, the very premise is lacking a target demographic; there isn't a cohort of single-mother webfic-reader shooter-fans who'd read this one week after week. It'd be better-suited to a short story or novella, something that doesn't demand as much from the reader, so people can inhabit this perspective for a short time without the gimmick wearing thin.

Most of all, for me, the impact of this pitch is that initial feeling of revulsion, this total lack of understanding, felt towards the child: why do you play this game, all day, shooting monsters on a screen? All that pain, all those years of my life... to make you?

I think to bridge that divide, in the course of the story, and end it in a place of love, after all the violence, is something that would move me.

Pitchposting: a wayward mother's litrpg

[cw: child abandonment, bad mothers]

I came up with this idea while trying to describe a non-standard litrpg that wouldn't sell, and it gripped me enough that I've been thinking about it. Now's the time to set that idea free.

Our protagonist is a woman in her thirties or maybe forties. She's divorced with two children, but she left the children with their father. She's got all kinds of issues, and felt trapped in the marriage and her life, and overwhelmed by taking care of the kids what felt like day in and day out. I don't think the age of her children really matters that much, but they need to be old enough to play videogames.

She gets isekaied into the world of a videogame that her children most loved, the one that they had been talking to her about for years, the source of their obsession. She gets a videogame interface.

Let's start with what I find compelling about the premise: the litRPG isekai stuff is being used to examine a relationship between a mother and her child(ren). We can have some power fantasy, as a treat, but mostly we have this very firm and unique lens through which to look at the world, and we have things that we surely must want to confront, revelations about motherhood and about this specific character, whoever she ends up being. In theory, the thing we're moving toward is a synthesis where to have excised the tension.

So, some questions that pop out to me:

How many children does this woman have? I don't know that it matters all that much, but where you have multiple characters who fulfil the same role, it's almost always better to condense them down. The flip side to this is there's maybe less to explore, and I think there's a different tenor to a single child and what we must assume is true of the character.

Does it have to be a woman? Is there not as much meat on the bone if it's a father who left his children? I think that this could also work, certainly, the reason it was initially a mother instead of a father was that I was trying to pick a protagonist that would lose as much RoyalRoad audience as quickly as possible while still being technically in the litRPG genre. (There are obviously different stereotypes about men and women. I kind of think the central idea of "your mom gets isekaied into that game you were obsessed with and she never really understood" probably hits right for more people, but I don't know.)

What kind of game? Alright, yeah, fair. The main point of the idea is that it's a game the mother is only passingly familiar with. Maybe she went so far as to throw a themed birthday party at one point, but she does not understand it, and maybe over the course of the story, gradually comes to understand (though really, understanding her child(ren) through the game is the main point). I'm thinking some kind of JRPG. Definitely better if it's a game with a story.

Should this game be real? Another interesting question! If the game is a real game, say FF7, then we can assume that the reader knows things, and there can be dramatic irony. If we invent a game, then we have a lot more control over what the game is, and can stay in the mother character's head better as we're in mutual ignorance.

Okay, I think those are all the most salient questions, time to stop workshopping this. I have more ideas than I have time to write novels. Thanks @thewadapan for the idea of pitchposting.

[non-bee-knees]

SOOOOOO

I finished Rise! (And the movie)

Holy heavens what a show omg I can't believe I didn't find it sooner, I feel bad for past me who doesn't have it yet because WOW

I have never gotten attached to a character as fast as I have with Donnie; by the end of the first episode I had decided that if anything happened to him, I'd throw hands. 

All four of them (and April) are so fantastically written it's amazing I can't even muster the words to explain it.

Coming away from it, I have but One Question:

ARE RAPH AND DONNIE OKAY?!?"!?! Seriously, like????? We see both of them, at two seperate points in the show EACH (with some more Raph in the Movie) struggle with self worth. 

In Raph, his worth and doubts are because he feels he can't protect his family well enough, and it's crushing him, to the point where it manifests as Panic and Anger (which as someone who stuggles with keeping cool when angry, it's scary, how easily it could be to snap and hurt someone). I think that Raph's issues with worth are part of the reason Leo is now the leader; to try take some of the weight off Raph's shoulders (TOO BAD IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK - que the entire movie)

In Donnie, his worth and doubt boil down to thinking he's replaceable. Personally, I think this comes mostly down to his Autism, and more so his brother's (and Dad) not entirely getting it. Sure we see that they understand to a point; they know he's weird with touch, and they never seem annoyed at his stimming, and it's only really Leo who get's annoyed at his Info-Dumping (aside from that one really funny clip from the fish episode - you know the one). Other than that though, I don't think they quiet get it, which is fair enough (I might make another post going more into this because it means a lot to me). ANYWAYS they're constantly joking in ways that always leans on Donnie being the odd one out, and whether they know it or not, it's hurting him. And it's built to worrying about whether he's useful or not. And yes, we get that fantastic April scene in 'Donnie V.s Witch Town' but one pep talk isn't gonna fix everything ( as someone who also struggles with worrying if I'm worth it, same. I'm constantly doubting myself, even despite the self-confidence I've built up recently)

This is long and I've semi forgot where I was going with it

BUT if we get a season 3 (praying, dear god, that we do) I want a Raph and Donnie episode. I don't think we got one that was just the two of them, we saw a lot more Donnie and Mikey adventures than the others (love their duo, so I'm not complaining). I want an episode, after the fact of everything that's happened, Movie and all, where we see Raph struggling more than ever to let go a bit more, especially after being used like that in the Movie - man's is probably terrified of himself. And I want to see Donnie struggling with grasping everything that happened (coming back to me here, woo, when big thing's happen, it's usually in the moment, or not til a long time later that they kinda settle into place; when my grandad died, I wasn't upset at the time, even though I understood why everyone else was. It wasn't until a year or so later that I sort of grieved). I sort of want to see Donnie do the same. It's sorta reenforced time and time again that Donnie is writen as low empathy, so let's see it. Let's see him unsure what to do when everything clicks into place and he doesn't know what to do, because 'Donnie doesn't feel things, why is he feeling things?!' 

I want to see the two oldest lean on each other as Leo and Mikey become more and more themselves, Leo with growing leadership skills, Mikey with his magic, and Donnie and Raph are able to sit back for a minute (but to them it feels like they're being put aside) and they learn to deal with it together. It wouldn't have to be a long episode, but I think it would be nice none the less.

Jesus this was long. SOzzles 😅

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi I love your blog and always enjoy all your takes on things that happen in the fandom and in the 1D members lives. I was waiting for your post on how you see Tom from MP in Harry when you mentioned it in the tags earlier with the Marvel news. I kind of see Harry similarly too. What you said here is interesting to me:

"That scene took my breath away, because of how similar Tom is to how I imagine Harry. Harry wants it all. And his all isn't security, respectability and perhaps a promotion, as well as his man. His all is arenas full of people, and a movie career, and expressing some parts of his identity, and his man. And why shouldn't he? He knows the dangers. He's chosen to play someone whose attempt to have everything ended in huge amounts of pain."

And of course I understand that he is making history in the circumstances of his choosing and I am always interested in where he goes with it but I wonder how you imagine his man (Louis if we are correct about it) navigates this and what is it that he wants most. As I the story I am telling is that Louis and Harry are together it is always interesting to me to see how they navigate their individual closets and what that might mean for them as a couple so how they navigate being a couple in the closet.

As I said to the other anon - I wasn't really thinking about Harry's relationship when I wrote that section. I was thinking about the way he navigates his career.

I don't think we can know what any of this means for his relationship - not really. I think wanting everything from your work life can mean all sorts of things from your relationship - and the actual impact is in the sort of details we don't know.

If they are together than their closets are intertwined and have to be navigated just like everything else is in a long term relationship. I think the material demand around the closet is clearly linked to Harry's career. But I think the relationship between that material demand, and what they both want is much more complex (I think Harry could want a lot less and there would still be a material demand for the closet).

I think the question of what Louis wants is an interesting one - and I think it's very difficult to get a sense of. Whatever he wanted in 2016, that almost immediately became impossible and he had to focus on much more immediate desires. A lot of people don't have a lot of clarity about what they want in the aftermath of huge loss. I think it's really clear that he wanted to release an album and go on tour, because he kept doing that despite everything. But I think it's very difficult to read back what Louis wanted from the first four years after 1D split up, because things he didn't want to happen had such a big impact on his life. And seperate from what we can and can't perceive, I imagine what Louis wanted got really messy and complicated over those four years.

It's why I've been really interested in what Louis has done since the pandemic. Although again it's obviously not what he wanted in an ideal world - how he's navigated these circumstances seems to me to be quite revealing. I think the combination of mostly not existing in time and space, but then putting out two seperate works of art that were very fully conceptualised and had a sort of intimacy is really interesting. I think it gives a sense of what he wants from his work life now.

[markword]

Summary: You have had a crush on Jungkook since forever ago, but he’s changed and so have you. But when you get closer to him-in a different way than expected-feelings start to come out of the dark.

What’s in this bitch: swearing, SMUT, and a lil but of spice✨✨

Side note: this is my first fanfic, so plz be nice and enjoy!! She’s a long one so get comfy and get somethin to eat and get your playlist ready ✌🏼and there will be typing errors so ignore dem por favor

WITHOUT FURTHER ADUE::::

The echoes of your footsteps drilled into your head at an annoying volume. It didn't help that your heart was incessantly pounding either. You sweep by the empty classrooms, books laying on the floor, sprawled out in a hurry. The paper in your hand was nearly as wrinkled as your shirt, picked straight out of your hamper due to the lack of time and lack of any better ideas. The bell rings and kids start to spill out of every classroom, almost taking you off your track. the bell left an annoying buzz in your ears that kept you charging forward. No one has ever given you a note, not in the four years of highschool. The note was battered and slightly torn from your fidgety hands toying with the edges all day. You'd only read it once, out of fear that if you read it again, it wouldn't say the same thing;

Go to the main entrance after last period.

I'll be waiting.

j.k.

your heart couldn't help but flutter when you first opened the tightly folded note. you couldn't help but think of who sent it to you. He was always on your radar, but not in the romantic sense. You knew it was Jeon Jungkook because of the way the words were scribbled on the paper and obviously, how he closed the short note with his long lived nickname, ¨jk. He was always quiet and reserved in middle school, which would be his defining trait until sophomore year rolled around. rumors upon rumors built up about him, almost taking you off your feet when you first heard them. Jungkook, the quiet and sweet kid you basically grew up with through school, caught with a girl in a school bathroom? for some reason, the rumors were never proven but something about how he swayed when he walked and looked at girls for a split millisecond had them planning baby names. He had silently nudged you toward the conclusion that they were undoubtedly true. The hardest part about seeing his personality take a 180 was the fact that your secret but not so secret crush on him in middle school had quite nearly been strangled to death by the man that stood waiting for you, at the main entrance.

As your pace slowed, your ears and lungs caught up. you knew you were near the main entrance, but you couldn't see over the rushing flow of students going to and fro. you catch a glimpse of the top of his head, and miraculously, he notices you too.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't still have a little thing for him.

you couldn't help it. Maybe it was more of an instinctual hormonal pull, but he was easy on the eyes and in a rugged way, almost dreamy.

His longer dark brown hair, pulled into a small bun, perched on top of his head. his loose black v neck hanging dangerously against his strict collarbones. his baggy grey joggers molded to all the right places but still looking stylishly comfy.

you stride closer to him, and see that he was making small talk with a fragile blonde girl. He erupts into laughter, showcasing his devilish smile. which was always accompanied by his cute dimples. one of the reasons you became so hopelessly in love with him in middle school was that sweet and sour smile of his. You couldn't help but look for it every once and a while in class. You slowly approach him, giving him enough time to wrap up his previous conversation.

"Oh, hey Y/N. Sorry to leave a mysterious note like that" he smiled with his eyes, making the apology that much harder to not accept (although it was a pain in the ass)

"It's really okay. Why'd you want to meet here though? I haven't talked to you for a while"

"That's not true I talk to you everyday in class" he smiled, but it was obvious he was poking fun at you and your nervousness about being there with him. He had to admit, it was a little suspicious.

"Well, what is it then?" you were starting to get impatient, letting your temper mixed with your short attention span to get ahold of you. which of course, didn't go unnoticed by Jungkook.

"Iwas absent yesterday for that chem quiz. can you tell me what's on it? I know you’re smart and you understood the material really well."

You were definitely infuriated, knowing this could've been sent by text or even asked in the fleeting moments after class. you see him at least 5 seperate times a day, why a stupid fucking note to some clandestine meeting?

"Jeon, couldn't you have just texted me? But yeah, Iremember a few questions it wasn't that hard." You were dying for an explanation, but the way his face went blank and uninviting, was enough to gather the realization that you weren't getting one.

"Im taking the makeup test in 10 minutes. Do you think I could cram the answers in time?"

Of course he could. He was insanely and almost annoyingly smart. but just like his soft nature, that disappeared over summer break before sophomore year.

He sent you off with a quick thanks and then casually turned his heels to walk to the chem classroom. Once he left, you started to realize the strangeness of it all. He could've asked anyone in Chem 2, but he asked YOU? With a note to meet nonetheless. thinking about it gave you a headache, so once you turned on your car to go home, you started to think about what songs to play and what dinner will be instead. The car ride home was uneventfully blissful, the usual weird seat dancing and emotional signing to your favorite car songs.

You walk in the door with an exaggerated "humphf" when setting down your backpack to go look in the fridge to look for a snack you knew wasn't there. Your phone vibrates on your kitchen table and slightly annoyed you at how it proceeded to rumble loudly against the flat surface. You pick it up only to see that Jungkook had sent you a post on instagram with another message that read;

jungkook:Thanks for helping today, here's this to show my thanks

it was a distorted meme that you'd seen hundreds of times before, but its humor ran out after the second time it beamed on your screen. It surprised you that he sent a meme, but it surprised you even more to get another taste of the old Jungkook you knew. The one who would thank you for helping him out, and seem genuinely thankful. Sometimes you’d catch yourself stealing fleeting glimpses of him in class. you'd often try to pick up on his new tendencies and see some of his old, but comforting ones. He would also space out in middle school, leaving his notebooks riddled with doodles and scribbles to keep himself awake. Just two days ago, he was in a lab with you and you couldn't help but glance at his notebook for a split second; graffitied with little faces and tiny but strategic and pleasing scribbles. You're still looking blankly at the screen, sure that he noticed the "seen" under his texts a while ago.

you: Of course j.k. Ibet you aced it anyways

All of this weird and sudden contact had your head in a whirl. Too many questions and literally no answers. you thought it best to leave it alone for now. But he didn't.

_______________________________________________

You don't remember when you dozed off exactly, but you knew it was a good night's sleep when you woke up with a dry mouth and a full bladder. You groan and reach for one of the countless half filled water bottles on your nightstand. Huh? a sock?

"Whatever, Ihave to pee" you mutter to yourself. for a moment you didn't realize your deep and groggy voice.

"Wait, what" There it is again! you've never sounded this dead in the morning, even when you were hungover after your wildest night out. You finally flicker your eyes open only to be met by an unfamiliar ceiling fan and light grey walls. You rush to sit up. Something wasn't right. you look down and almost scream.

"Where are my boobs?!" your hands shoot reflexively to your chest, where they always are and are met with a dull smack as your hands hit complete flatness. You scurry out of the unfamiliar, but disgustingly messy bed and dart your eyes to find a mirror. It was weirdly easy to get up and dash to the mirror in the small bathroom to your right considering it wasn't your body you were in.

You stood panting in front of the mirror to see Jungkooks face staring back.

"What in the FUC-"

_______________________________________________

Jungkook sorta remembers when he went to bed. By sorta he means he knew it was between 8 PM and 1 AM. He's not good at remembering things, besides, he's already up now. He cracks his neck and instinctively reaches his hand down his boxer shorts.

"Where is my-" he suddenly feels his arm push against something warm on his chest while he extended his arm to find what was there just last night. He grabs the foriegn object on his chest, anxious to grab something since his usual apparently isn't there right now. Is this a boob? It was a boob. he reached up to mimic his other hand. and there's TWO? of course there he knew that. He'd seen plenty of them, but feeling them on himself? Hell no. THAT'S never happened before. He sat up, hands still clenched around the annoyingly loose bra that covered-well-HIS tits. His face went tense as he looked for a mirror. He slowly approached the mirror hanging on the door, hoping to not be met with one of his drunken hookups that could've been a witch for all he knows. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Y/N?! Damn. well, she has nice tits, I have to give her that."

——————————————————————————

You both immediately shot a text to each other, hoping it wasn't a dream, because if it was, you'd both look like idiots. But after telling eachother what happened when they woke up, (Jungkook left out the whole boob ordeal) and you decided to skip school today and sneak out of the house to meet and try to figure out what happened last night.

After throwing on something Jungkook might wear, you couldn't help but notice his figure staring back at you. He really was handsome. You flashed a beefy smile at the mirror and stayed smiling after seeing his signature but memorable smile. You finally talked his mom into letting you stay home just 30 minutes ago, with jungkook in an earbud listening and telling you the best way to make his mom cave. You were slightly annoyed when he said that all he had to do was say he felt sick and your mom was already convinced. It was still uncomfortable hearing your voice through the phone. you sounded really stupid on the phone. you decided to meet at a park close to both your house and his to figure it all out and how to undo it. You had a hard time figuring out how to drive his car but ended up to the park in one piece. well, Jungkook arrived in one piece. there was still no sign of your body yet. Your car comes screeching to a halt next to you before you see your body get out of the car in rage and slam the car door shut.

"Be careful with her she's old" you whine, referring to your beaten up and chipped car.

"Shut up and follow me. We gotta be alone." He grabs your arm and pulls you farther into the park and only loosened his grip when there were less than 5 people around.

"What the fuck happened, Y/N? This is freaking me out. How does this shit even happen? And why me and yo-"

"No, you shut up you're making me dizzy. I don't know my answer for all of those questions. oh god, what do we do at school? AT HOME? WHEN I HAVE TO PEE?" You almost choke on your breath thinking about going to the bathroom with a whole different set of tools.

"I don't know Y/N... I mean I could help you practice..." He reaches down toward your crotch-no- HIS crotch and you flick him away with wide eyes and a blazing stare back at him.

"This isn't a joke, Jungkook. What do we do?" you swallow heavily and look back at your body through his eyes.

"Ew. If I'd known that's what I look like I would just wear baggy sweats everyday..." you whisper it to yourself but since you were both so quiet and focused in thought, he heard it.

"Oh shut up you have a great body, Y/N."

"Did you LOOK? I didn't look, I thought it would be rude. wait-DID YOU LOOK YES OR NO?" you did look. He just doesn't need to know and wouldn't help your case any.

"Of course I did. nice tits by the way." he winked and cracked his neck again. you were too much in a daze thinking about how someone else had seen you naked. JUNGKOOK has seen you naked. Did he just say; nice tits? That doesn't matter, we need to figure this out before you cut off his dick for looking at you.

"We need to figure this out right now." you weren't kidding. if he touched your boobs that would be enough to commit manslaughter. it didn't matter if it was actually you that you were killing.

"We can go to my place now. Let's get something to eat. My mom wont think twice about me having a girl over anyways. She won't bat an eye and she'll leave us alone. Just tell her that we are both sick and want to study to catch up since its convenient. Its our best option." He cracked you a smirk, sending shivers down your spine. it was him alright, just in your body. You get up and start walking towards your beat up car out of habit to leave until he grabs your arm, almost jerking you so hard you would've fallen on your ass.

"Damn Y/N, your body is pretty strong. Stronger than you were in middle school. But lets take my car. I'll drive."

You couldn't help but blush at him mentioning middle school. I guess he really did pay attention to you back then. Your thoughts immediately hone in on memories of gym class when you'd be the best playing any activity and you embarrassed the boys in front of their respective crushes. you couldn't help but let out a little giggle, sounding even better when it came out as Jungkook's grisly and low voice. You settle in the car, and fidget with the seatbelts and keep your head glued on the dashboard to avoid any eye contact just in case you were still blushing. jungkook lets out an audible sigh before turning the keys in the ignition and putting the car in reverse. You couldn't help but look at him, sitting in your body, as he put an arm out behind your headrest to backout. He flickers his eyes between you and behind the car.

"Its so weird seeing my body like this, like from another perspective," you could resonate with what he said, especially since he's manhandling a car with legs wide open, but he looks like you at the same time. "I wonder what I look like during sex..." he mutters the last part under his breath and chuckles, part of him hoping that you would hear.

"Just ask one of your many lady friends, Jungkook. I'm sure they'd love to tell you all about it." You scoff. How could he change so much from the boy you were infatuated with? He was the same in small ways, but barely. It made you sad and frustrated when you realized that you secretly hoped he'd be the same around you after all these years.

"I could. But right now, I'm not exactly myself." You both reach to turn on the radio to drown out the awkward tension that seemed to have seeped in the car. You back off since it technically is his car anyways. He puts on one of his playlists and the first song starts to play. Its not rap and you're almost surprised. But you've known since middle school that he likes more indie and classic rock than anything else. You put your window down and look out with an elbow grasing the bottom of the window, and your hand finding its way to your hair. Well, Jungkook’s hair. Soft. You turn to look at the song name and realize jungkook is glaring at you. You never knew your face could look so scary.

"Don't feel pressured to act any different. Just be you and act normal, even if you want to touch my hair." He snickered and shot his eyes back on the road, making a smooth right turn at the light you'd been stopped at.

"Its a habit. Besides, you've seen me naked Jungkook, who cares if Iaccidentally touch your hair?" you had started to become more and more angry at his annoyingly hot voice. Just by hearing it in classes, you felt a tinge of wetness down under. But you're sure its just because of his voice, right?

"Am I wet right now? Is this what it feels like?" He chuckled so hard and loud you almost see your soul shoot out of the car and get run over. What the fuck do you even say to that? You had an idea as to why it happened but what do you say to jungkook?

He's still laughing a little when he shoots up straight in his seat.

"I know what it is Y/N, you think I'm SEXY."

you gulp. you decide that staying quiet is your best option, the one that will make you look less flustered and more cool about him calling you out.

"You know, Ihad a huge crush on you in middle school. It was almost embarrassing. I think I wrote you a love letter one time but I never gave it to you. You were such a player back then." He chuckles again, but softer this time. He confessed something embarrassing to get the conversation away from the obvious pool of wetness between his legs. YOUR legs.

"I did too." you mumble still looking out the window, trying to hide your excitement at his confession. you were happy but, that was a long time ago anyways. It didn't really matter now.

"Would you look at that, maybe we found out why we switched bodies." His facial expression was flat, almost bored looking. you both sat in silence until he pulled the car into the unfamiliar driveway you left this morning. You get out of the car and he reaches for the door and tells you to make yourself at home, as a joke, of course. To anyone else looking at you two, you were Jungkook, and this in fact, was your house.

"Maybe if we confess our past feelings, we will switch back. That’s the only thing I can think of anyways. You cool with that?" He was pouring himself a glass of apple juice and he set it down on the counter to get another glass for you.

"Yeah why not." you sipped slowly on the cold drink as he led you up the stairs to his room. You settle down on his bed facing each other, almost looking like two young girls at a sleepover talking about their celebrity crushes. you were both sitting with your legs folded and leaning in toward each other, a weirdly comfortable position for the both of you.

"You first." he grumbles with a cheesy smirk.

"Okay," you take a deep breath to collect your thoughts, "I liked you from 5th to 8th grade."

"That's it? I think we need a little more since we are still staring at our own bodies across from us." he was rocking side to side trying to conjure up any thoughts on how to fix your strange situation.

"Maybe we should kiss." He leans forward, which you dodge at the speed of light.

"What are you doing Jungkook?!" Your eyes wide open and stomach fluttering.

"Maybe this is how the spell thingy breaks, it makes sense."

He's right, If the reason you were stuck looking at yourself from this perspective was that you needed to confess and makeout, then so be it. You'd try anything at this point. You missed your own bed. He charges in closer to you slower this time and grabs your face. the way he was using your lips made it impossible to notice how quickly you'd shut your eyes. You opened them to see Jungkook staring at you with wide puppy dog eyes.

"Hell yes I'm back bitche-" He quickly silenced you with another kiss. I worked? You were sure you’d live out your days in another body. But you weren’t mad that his first idea worked out. But you weren’t about to keep your mind on the subject, Jungkook was millimeters away from you with his taunting lips. This kiss was more passionate and more eager. Your legs went limp, and your face set ablaze at Jungkook's fluid and sexy motions against you. He pokes his tongue at your lips, asking if he could enter. You quickly let him roam around your mouth, leaving you breathless and seeing stars. He slides his hands down from your face and traces the outer line of your figure, leaving goosebumps in their wake. you could feel the pool between your legs as your thighs began to quiver under his careful and strategic touch. He shifts you down, so that you're on your back and he is using an arm to support himself above you. you let out a needy whimper and you finally move your arms down his chest to trace his undoubtedly hot body. he flinched when you stopped at his waistband, and you were left just toying with the elastic until he forcefully pulled your shirt off your body, only leaving mere seconds between the deepening kiss. Neither of you were ready to stop. You could feel your body start to heat up against his and he slowly moved his waist into yours at a steady rhythm. you could feel his apparent erection glide across your thighs with every motion. You could feel the heat escape your core when you opened your legs farther, hoping he'd get the hint to touch you where you wanted him the most. You wanted his hands everywhere, but your arousal was too hot and strong to ignore for much longer. He slowly navigated his kiss downward, taking extra care of your neck, sure to leave a couple marks in his wake. once he reached your chest, with your bra still clinging on with the sheen of sweat you both worked up. As he moves his hands to hold you still, they rest on your hips with a tender but strong grip, willing you not to squirm under his touch. He started to kiss along the edge of your bra, frequently nibbling at the tender skin that lay beneath. He was taking his time of course, he'd been wondering what touching you and making you all worked up like this felt. He'd often steal glances at you in class, never letting go of his childish middle school crush. He'd accepted that he'd always feel something toward you, what that was he was unsure. But having you under him, and your back arching your chest towards him made him hungry. He knew he would never get you out of his head after this.

You take your arms behind your back and unclasp your bra hoping he would fasten up and make your horniness subside. He immediately grabs onto one and closes in on the other with tender kisses, licking around your nipple just to hear your sighs that turned into moans between his needy lips.

"Please Jung-" you whine trying to push yourself into him closer. you wanted to be swallowed into this moment. The tension was released, and god did it feel good. He cut you off with a strong and lasting rub against your core, just making you want to whine for more. He was rock hard, so the only thing he accomplished was making you shut up and making you kiss harder and your grip on his hips tighter. He finally slid his hands slowly up the inside of your thigh and his slender but strong fingers snaked their way under the thin cloth that was sticking to your folds. He took a deep and exaggerated swipe across your center, making you shiver with pleasure.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of that," he said, flashing a smile smile in between kisses on your neck.

"Just put it in already I'm dying here..."

With your words, he swiped off his shirt and pulled his pants down, showcasing the famous bounce as his erection springs out of his loose pants. his fingers wrapped around the fabric of your shorts, playing and twisting at them with want. He pulled them down slowly, propping your leg on the bed before throwing the soaking shorts somewhere on the floor. He pushed your thigh open with his now faster motions of his thigh, trying to get more friction against you. You whimper and reach for his erection. before you could fully palm it, he suddenly stopped and stared down at you, trying to catch his breath that had been sucked up by your deep kiss. He slid his thumb across your lower lip.

"Not yet Y/N. Let me do this first. I promise I’ll get to that in a minute." you watch him utter his words in a growl as he slowly drags his soft lips downwards between your breasts and then your stomach before his messy black hair is level with your core.

"I'll be gentle. Tell me if you want to stop at any time, Y/N."

You weren't expecting him to be gentle, or even offer an out for you. All the rumors of him being a brute and rough when it comes to sex and intimacy. You could see the old parts of Jungkook shining through. before you could think about it anything else he pressed his lips against you, lips pursed around your clit. a shake engulfed you, sending shivers up your spine and out of your mouth as a long moan. his tongue grazed over every inch of your center at least 3 times before he started to slow down and suck on your clit, leaving you able to feel every vibration of his ruffled moans against you. before you could recognize that you were almost at the peak of gushing-

"Are you still okay, baby?"

"Y-Yes. Oh GOD!" he had pushed two fingers into you, making you buck your hips into him. He grabbed your thigh with his other hand, silently telling you to stop letting your reactions distract him from the task at hand. Literally. He curls his fingers upward and moves slowly, applying just enough pressure to make your eyes roll back into your head, but gentle enough to keep you just below the line that would make it hurt. He was taking care of you, just like he said. You couldn't help but let your mind wander to his various conquests as he quite literally lapped at you like a starved man. Did he treat them like this? Was he this sweet but seductive with everyone? Are you the first to be thinking about this? His nibble at your folds broke you out of your daze. It doesn't matter now anyways, he was with you and he was good at making you feel good. Just keep going, you thought. It only took another nibble and his tongue in your heat to make you start to see a light.

"Jung- I'm-" you squealed. He just kept going, knowing that what he was doing was the ticket to your long anticipated orgasm. You quickly find yourself grabbing at his head of hair, just to help yourself ride out your climax. You feel the wet drip out of you, and Jungkook's tongue licking it up with lustful motions. Once he cleaned you up to his liking he lifted his head to look at you. Your eyes closed, chest heaving, and sweat making your face gleam. You really were beautiful, he thought to himself. But he wasn't done with you yet. He leaned over you and moved the baby hairs stuck on your face to the side. His doe eyes were searing into you, making you shift under him. You brought your hands up to rest on his chest. He really was beautiful, you thought to yourself. But you weren't done with him yet.

"Let me get a condom. Or are you on the pill? Its up to you, whatever you're comfortable with, baby." His term of endearment took you by surprise, but it didn't feel weird coming from his mouth, almost natural to him. You liked it, it even made your stomach hollow with excitement, but you'd never tell him that.

"I'm on the pill. I don't mind at all jungkook." His grin leaked into a smile, that adorable, sexy smile of his. it practically taunted you, knowing that his now stretched out lips were pressed up against you just mere minutes ago. You watched as he finally pulled down his boxers, allowing his painfully hard erection bounce out. The head, red and angry with understimulation, with beads of precum trickling down his length. He was big, just like the rumors had said, but you weren't expecting that he'd have the perfect length and girth. You knew after you felt him, it would be hard to go back. Especially since just his lips and tongue made you feel something you'd never felt before, something you'd think about at night while you played with yourself.

"Are you ready? I'll be careful with you if you're worried that it might hurt." He sat next to you on the bed, looking for any sign of regret in your eyes. Instead, he found your hungry eyes looking him up and down, completely naked in front of you.

"Don't hold back Jungkook, if we are going to do this I want to feel everything." You could barely focus on anything other than him. His abs, and the way they flexed when he let out a guttural laugh. His Adam's apple, that bobbed up and down when he would talk to you. His long, messy black hair, and how it framed his face. His rosy lips and how they pouted when he wasn't talking. Everything about the man sitting next to you was perfect. His features were just the same as they were back in middle school, but they became more mature and more sexy than cute.

"I'm excited to feel you around me Y/N. I've been thinking about what it would be like, and now you're here, and you're all mine." he uttered before leaning in for a soft kiss, making it easier to hide your face that was obviously blushing at his words.

"If you don't want me to hold back, Iwont" he whispers into your ear, making you wet all over again. His hand found your thigh amid deep kisses, and pushed it farther so he could fit himself between your thighs, allowing his erection to slowly graze over your dripping center with every motion. After Jungkook gathered enough of your arousal on himself, he decided it was enough to allow him to easily slip into you and lose himself in you. You grabbed his hip, angling him parallel to your body, begging him to ease himself into you.

"Please Jungkook..." you whine again.

before you could finish your sentence you felt his tip graze your entrance, teasing you with the heat. He was STILL teasing you? You grip your arms around his torso and force him closer, automatically pushing his length into you, but still not bottomed out yet. He was big and you wondered if you could realistically fit all of him in you. As soon as you pull him closer, Jungkook loudly grunts and shoots his head back at how well you fit around him.

"You feel so good Y/N." He breathes, starting to pump in and out of your heat. He didn't hesitate to throw your leg over his shoulder, allowing him further access into you. Within seconds he finds your g-spot, (he figured it was there since you let out ungodly moans when he hit it) and continues to hit it with each thrust. Each thrust was greeted with a slapping noise and the sounds of your arousal being moved around by Jungkook. His thrusts became more slowed, but deeper, grazing your cervix. The stretch that once felt uncomfortable started to feel pleasurable.

"Right there Jungkook, please don't-" you were too out of breath to even finish your sentence.

Jungkooks heavy breathing would've sent you over the edge right then and there, but he somehow kept you from coming to elongate the feeling of you around him, filling up his senses. His thrusts started to get sloppier, but still had a lustful drive in them. He shot his arm up to the wall, giving him support against his fastened pace. He grunts and shoots the other hand to use his thumb to circle around your clit, making you arch towards his touch.

"I'm gonna-" he spits out, clenching his jaw.

Not long after he warned you, you felt him throb against your insides, a warm pool filling you up. Just the sounds of Jungkook as he released into you was enough to make you follow suit not long after him since he rode his high within you.

"Sorry Ijust-" you put your finger up to his plumped lips to make him shut up.

"Don't say sorry Jungkook, It was perfect. Maybe too perfect..." you look to the side to avoid his taunting gaze. But he grabs your chin and demands for eye contact.

"I've had my eye on you since middle school, Y/N. And Iintend to keep it that way," He kisses your forehead before he gets up and throws you a hoodie that smelled like him.

"Get up butthead, we are getting icecream." he says through his stupid little grin.

[korralifts]

Just wanted to post this real quick before bed.

The difference between a good day and a bad day. I like to try and be positive and say there are no bad days, because I'm just blessed to on this journey and living my life, but I mean some days I do a bad job at taking care of myself.

I mean come on, to start off I only slept four hours, I ate fast food ALL DAY, didn't drink nearly enough water, AND didn't manage to do anything on my to-do list. Not even the gym.

Now, to be fair on myself, I recently have been dealing with some really crappy stuff, BUT most of it is my own fault for basically ignoring actual self-care that involves work I self of just the 'treat yo self' mindset. I mean that's how I got into this mess.

The day on the left is much more self caring than the fact that I ate junk food all day, stayed up too late watching movies and then laid in bed doing nothing after getting back from the city. Didn't even do my homework or go to class.

We all have bad days, but this is one of the reasons I like to journal my food, track my sleep, my water intake and even my habits. This is why I keep a seperate diary of my emotional and mental and spiritual wellbeing as well. Because on days like today, I can match how low I'm feeling with what I physically did to take care of myself and see the difference these small habits truly make.