#but i never really stick to that very long

[heesimp]

how would hyung line be with a younger gf who was a virgin ? :p

• heeseung is the one most excited that his girlfriend’s a virgin. probably knew about it since before they started dating and has secretly wanted to take it for so long. will also try to coax you into having sex with him when he’s eating you out or fingering you but ultimately waits until you’re ready, and he’s so smug about it too.

you’ll probably ask him to take it slow and to not make it hurt but he just laughs in your ear and says something like, “I can’t promise that” which makes your pussy clench. teaches you how good sex can feel.

• jay is ever the respectful gentleman but won’t tell you he’s excited that he’s gonna be the one to take your virginity. he builds it up too (I don’t think he would make a huge thing out of it but when you tell him you’re ready, jay wants to make sure he draws out your pleasure for as long as possible.

would probably be praising you the entire time, especially if you whine so much. lots of “hang in there, okay?” and “you can do it, honey. my cock’s gotta make you feel really good.”

• I think jake is also somebody who’d try to keep his cool and help you through it, but his eagerness shows up somewhere between heeseung and jay. jake would kinda rush through foreplay and would not allow himself to cum unless it was inside you.

he pushes his cock inside of you a little too early and loves it when you yelp and try to reach out and touch him. “so cute taking my cock like that,” he’d say when you squirm around him.

• sunghoon I could see either very sweet and patient or very filthy. on one hand, he loves you so much that he never wants to make you feel like you need to give it up for him until you say you’re ready, and he’s going slow by prepping your pussy with him mouth and fingers before sliding into you. hoon would say things like “you’re everything” and “breathe for me, baby.”

on the other, sunghoon would get so hard every time he remembers you’re a virgin. the first time he ever got the chance to stick his dick in your pussy was like a wet dream. the sight of his cock disappearing into your pussy was too much. lots of “my cock was made for you” and “can’t believe you’re not a virgin anymore” as if to mock you while he slides his dick in and out of you.

[merakiui]

the symptoms of being human.

jade leech x (gender neutral) reader note - being human comes with its fair share of very specific symptoms. or: jade has lived in saltwater his entire life. never has it leaked out of him before. // HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY BESTIE @heyyy11!!!!!! 🎉 many wonderful wishes of health, happiness, and good fortune for you!!!! :D it isn't a lot, but please enjoy this little gift i prepared in celebration!!!

But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.

A long time ago, a human penned that line in reference to merfolk and their inability to shed tears. A fact as intimate as that couldn’t have possibly been common knowledge amongst humans, or so Jade assumed every time the story was regurgitated at bedtime. He always did that: apply logic to areas where logic wasn’t needed. His teachers used to tell him, “Jade, sometimes you need to suspend your disbelief in order to immerse yourself in a fictional world.” He could try—and try he did—but he’d find himself lingering on that quote every time.

A slight amendment to that: merfolk can cry and they do suffer, but whether they suffer more is impossible to know without further study.

Jade operates under the notion that there are explanations for everything, even the wildest of lunacy. There is comfort in comprehension. He would spend hours holed up in his sleeping nook, poring over stories and texts on humans and beastfolk. He would compare and contrast them. Can a tearless cry indicate the amount of suffering per species, or is such an abstract concept even remotely quantifiable? Perhaps it is because merfolk cry silently that they suffer. Because there is no one who can hear their weeping in the deep sea. Because there is no physical proof.

It’s easier to recognize the physical signs of grief, for what happens within is shrouded in secrecy, veiled in the depths of the heart.

So when Jade comes onto land for the first time, human skin stretched over a skeleton altered with a potion, every inch awkward and aching, the sea leaks out of his pores. He feels like a pufferfish not yet expanded but on the verge of bloating, deflated and weak, salt still spilling. And he knows it’s salt because he swipes two fingers under his armpit and brings them to his mouth to taste. It’s saltwater.

He later learns, while sitting in Professor Crewel’s class and listening to him drone on about anatomy, that this is the phenomenon known as sweating. Jade sweats when he exerts himself, when his body temperature rises degrees over what’s internally comfortable and he needs to cool down, when he ingests something spicy, when he’s sick with a fever, when he’s stressed… It’s a fascinating facet of human biology he was previously unaware of.

Azul called these peculiarities “symptoms of being human,” and what intriguing symptoms they are! He hopes to experience even more as he completes his education on land, regardless of how troublesome they might be.

Having a symptom of something implies the affected is ill in some way—as if humanity itself is an illness and this human body serves as more of a hindrance than help. Jade will forever be an eel merman, and this body is just a clever cloak crafted to make his life on land habitable. Although there are moments where he thinks his original form would suit a certain task. Like swimming or any sport in the water, really. But he likes to struggle and fail, learning from every human mistake.

These symptoms are not terrible. Not to him, at least.

He meets you in the woods. You’re hunched over the ground, patting a compact lump of freshly disturbed soil. A burial, he thinks, but then he’s not certain. When you fashion a little marker out of sticks and ribbons, it occurs to him that he was right.

“Hello to you, too,” you say, turning to glance at him.

There’s something that stills in the air. A feeling catches and tugs at his heart. He can’t explain it—still can’t even to this day—but something trickles out of his eyes then. A droplet of water and then another and then more until silent streams are falling thick. He blinks until his once-blurry vision clears, only to find you’re looking at him fully now.

Jade gathers the wetness on his fingertips and licks curiously. Salt.

Horrifyingly, he’s sweating from his eyes.

He doesn’t panic. A grotesque part of him wants to know what else these eyes are capable of in this body. 

You draw in breath through your lips. A gasp. “Oh! Are you all right?”

He nods because even if his brain doesn’t understand it yet his heart does.

You are the person he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.

This isn’t fiction, and he doesn’t have to pretend to accept it as his temporary reality just to enjoy the story it promises. He knows. His heart—the eel-mer heart—knows. This salt is a symptom of being human, but a symptom of being a mer is that there is the strongest sixth sense for finding one’s other half.

“Are you sure?” you press, rising to your feet, digging through your bag for tissue. “You’re crying!”

He blinks back at you. I’m��crying.

He’s not sweating. He’s crying.

“Forgive me,” he says even though he knows there’s nothing to apologize for. “My eyes must not be working today.”

A sympathetic smile spreads on your face. “Did you come here with anyone?”

He shakes his head and explains rather simply that he’s come on account of club business. “I’m the only member in my club,” he elaborates unnecessarily, “and so I often come here to hike and forage. I suppose I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone on this route.”

“Club? You’re a student?” Before he has a chance to respond, you add, “No way! What school? I’m from Royal Sword.”

“Night Raven.”

“Whoa! That’s so cool. I’ve heard lots about that school. Oh, sorry, I’m totally chatting your ear off. If it’s not an issue, would you like to walk back together? Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m just worried about you.”

The affable conversation was so smooth Jade almost forgot he’s been leaking—crying—the entire time.

“Why would you be worried? I assure you there’s nothing in this forest that could harm me,” he says, holding a hand over his heart.

As if it isn’t the woods that might hurt him but, rather, the person standing in front of him. He has never felt any need to protect his heart, but now he thinks he must. If he’s to offer it to you in the future, he wants to do so when it is perfectly whole and packed full of happiness.

“Um… Well, I just don’t want you to do anything…harmful,” you say, stringing the words together awkwardly. “People care about you. They’d miss you.”

He glances past you at the burial. Just above, a nest of baby birds chirp noisily. He understands now.

“As it happens, I’m currently quite content.”

“You are?”

He tilts his head at you and smiles, teary-eyed and most likely red in the face.

“I am. Very much so. I’ve experienced another human symptom. I couldn’t be any happier.”

You exhale a quiet, semi-amused breath. “I’m glad.” Your hand is held out next. “I’m (Name). It’s nice to meet you.”

His webless, clawless hand closes around yours. “Jade Leech,” he greets.

— — —

“You look good,” Floyd compliments, watching Jade fuss over himself in the mirror. “Shrimpy’ll think so. And Mama. Pops, too.”

“So everyone,” he replies smartly, his hands shaking as he smooths the nonexistent wrinkles in his suit. They reach for the jewelry strung around his neck. He’s wearing his mother’s pearls. Tradition and memory are twined throughout each one. For every hand that holds this chain, a new pearl will be added. It has been in his family for ages. After today, he’ll add his and the necklace will be a pearl longer.

He feels like he needs to pace up and down a mountain. Like he needs to strip this seaweed-esque suit off and jump into the ocean to feel free of constriction. Clothes are always so…unique. That’s the word he chooses to use. Another symptom, he’s certain, because clothes are to humans as colors are to merfolk. Humans attract each other with fashion styles just as mers flash colors and patterns at those they intend to charm.

“Everyone,” Floyd echoes, grinning to ease the tension. “C’mon. You know everything’s gonna be fine.”

Logically, Jade is aware of that. There were rehearsals and lists and triple-checks. Everything is in order. He’s ready. You’re ready. Illogically, he thinks he’s about to shake out of his skin from either excitement or anxiety or a combination of both.

Floyd’s hand comes down upon his shoulder. He relaxes beneath the squeeze. “You got this.”

“I do,” he whispers, turning away from the mirror with a smile.

He waits for you at the altar. A feeling he knows well enough claws at the back of his eyes. It’s been steadily encroaching since this morning, or perhaps it’s always been there ever since he first met you.

When he sees you, his world comes together and everything is warm and wonderful. There are tears on his face, tracking down his cheeks in hot streaks. It’s not embarrassing even though, somewhat flustered, he mouths to his parents that he’s simply sweating from the eyes. A symptom they’ll soon experience in their temporary human bodies.

Out of every human symptom he’s experienced, he thinks this one is his favorite.

You meet him at the front, and beneath an awning of the prettiest flowers you join hands.

“How do you feel?” you murmur, your thumbs running over his palms.

He’s going to say he feels like his world is brighter and wrapped in silk—like he’s looking love right in the face.

Through his tears, he smiles and says, “Like my eyes are working properly today.”

You giggle around a rising sob. Happy tears, he notes, much like the ones sticking to his face. “Weird. Because mine don’t seem to be working today.”

“A shame. You can’t see how beautiful you are.”

“I trust you.”

“I can’t promise mine won’t sweat halfway through the ceremony, but I appreciate your faith in me.”

“It’s fine. Mine are already doing that.”

And it’s everything to him—you, this union, the tears, these messy, complex symptoms of being human. Everything.

Jade thinks he’d like to rewrite that old quote from his childhood.

But a mermaid has no tears and so that may be true in storybook blue, but it is her heart that weeps for everything she has experienced, is experiencing, and will experience; the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

There's a genre of online art which I call "high effort low effort," the sort of stuff that looks simple but is actually really complex under the hood and next to impossible to replicate.

For example, xkcd, it's just stick figures, "anyone could draw that," but you can tell a Randall Munroe stick figure apart from anyone else's. They have a very distinctive head shape; you always know which direction they're facing and what emotion they're conveying, and if you've ever tried to mimic the style you know that you can never make them look quite right.

Florkofcows, weird lumpy sock puppets, even lower effort than stick figures, right? Wrong! Even when they're copy-and-pasted between panels, no two socks look exactly the same and yet they're all on model. The specifics are so subtle I can't even put them in words, but again, you can always tell a real flork comic from someone trying to copy one.

Mysillycomics, asdfmovie, every youtuber with an avatar that looks like this

(especially history buffs and personal storytimers)

It takes a lot of effort to make something that looks low effort without it feeling low effort. If you actually make something with low effort, it shows. Real low effort art is inconsistent and sloppy, not charming at all. This is a style that has to be crafted over a very long time.

[atleastpleasetelephone]

Kinktober Day 29 - Masks/Costumes

A/N: Okay so this came about because of a conversation with @jhoneybees and a tiktok about imagining Elvis doing a Calvin Klein advert. This is basically set now, but imagine it's 1969 Elvis, don't ask me how that works it just does.

Pairing: 69!Elvis x photographer!reader

Word count: 2.1K

TWs: This concept is maybe too hot to think about for too long so be careful, masturbation, p in v sex, dirty photos, kinda public sex. There's a mask but honestly I just shoehorned it in there.

Kinktober masterlist

“So if you could just strip down to the underwear, and then make yourself comfortable on the chair. We’ve got some props in the box too.”

Elvis frowns a little at the word “props”, but does as he’s told. He’s nervous about this photoshoot. He never thought he would do anything like this, but here he is. He starts to strip, feeling self-conscious under the hot lights. He’s never really been a big fan of underwear but these new Calvin Klein boxer shorts are pretty comfortable. They don’t leave much to the imagination, though, and he sits awkwardly on the armchair, shuffling his legs about. 

“Can you put one of those masks on, please?”

He starts at the voice. Female, honeyed, with an air of authority. Looking up, he’s confronted by you and your camera. He’d been expecting the female set helpers but not a female photographer. Becoming even more aware of the way his dick looks in his pants, he crosses one leg over the other. He pulls a mask out of the box of props and puts it on over his eyes, feeling like this must look absolutely ridiculous but trying his best to be amenable. The lights are beating down on him and he feels like the entire room of people is staring at him. He’s usually happy to be looked at, encourages it almost, but this is different. He feels naked, exposed. 

“Um… uh… is this okay, honey?”

You sigh. “Uncross your legs. And stop calling me honey, Mr Presley.”

“Ah I-I’m sorry… Miss…” he stumbles awkwardly over the words. “Ya…um… ya don’t have ta call me Mr Presley. Elvis is fine.”

“Uncross your legs, Elvis.”

You watch as he slowly does as you tell him. Men calling you pet names annoys you on principle, but he’s much less cocky than you’d expected. There’s something endearing about the way he stumbles over his words and seems a little unsure of himself. 

“That’s great, thanks. We’ll take a few shots for the lighting now. Try to relax.”

Elvis tries his very best to relax, but he can’t help but feel a combination of terror and arousal. You’re gorgeous but he can’t seem to charm you like he usually would. You don’t seem interested. Maybe you’re just being professional, but it’s still off-putting. He puts a hand on each of the arms of the chair and tries to keep his expression neutral. You take a few shots and ask the lighting technicians to make one or two changes until you’re happy. Then you actually look at his face and realise he looks terrified. 

“Really try to relax, Elvis. You look like you’re about to be eaten by a grizzly bear.”

There’s a moment of silence and then he bursts out laughing. His whole face lights up as he belly-laughs and you grin back, taking a few photos of him looking natural. You take a quick look at them and decide you can do without the mask. It was something that the stylist had suggested for the shoot, and you’d wondered why anyone would want to cover up such a gorgeous face, but they’d done a relatively good job of persuading you. Some kind of eyes wide shut theme or something like that. But it doesn’t work, and you aren’t one to stick to things just for the sake of it. 

“That’s better! Get rid of the mask too, that’s not working for me.”

He smiles, pulling it off and throwing it onto the floor. “This working for you, honey?” He asks, cheekily, leaning back in the chair and spreading his legs wide. 

You find yourself biting your lip to stifle a moan. He looks damn hot. But you have to be professional. You’ve done plenty of these photoshoots with attractive men, and you haven’t lost your cool yet. 

“That’s great. Let’s have a few of you smiling like that and then a couple of serious ones.”

His brain works overtime as he follows your directions. Are you interested? He swears he saw you bite your lip just then, but your voice is even and professional and you’re not flirting back at all. 

You keep snapping away with the camera, directing him and the lighting people until you get what you want. Your eyes are drawn to his hands, the glittering rings and the length of his fingers… you clear your throat. Have to keep things professional. 

“You getting what you need, honey?” His eyes are sparkling and there’s a little smile playing about his lips. 

“What did I tell you about calling me honey? It’s not 1973.”

Elvis raises both eyebrows and then lets them fall again. Does he detect something different in your voice? The tiniest quiver?

“You didn’t answer my question. Are ya gettin’ what ya need?”

He runs his tongue over his lips and you have to work hard not to lose it completely. 

“Yes, thank you, Elvis.” 

Your eyes involuntarily shift to the bulge in his pants. Luckily the camera is against your face so he can’t see where you’re looking, but you just stare. It’s definitely been growing over the course of the photoshoot. 

“Just one or two more. Give me your sexiest look.”

You have no idea why you decided to play with fire like that, and you regret it immediately. He smoulders, blue eyes staring at you as he rests his chin in his hand. Your panties are definitely getting damp now. You take a few more photos and then bite your lip, hard. 

“That’s great. Thanks. That’s a wrap!” 

Elvis blinks. He doesn’t want this to be over. He’s having far too much fun.

“Could ya do one or two more? I’m not sure I gave ya my sexiest look…”

Your stomach flip-flops. If that wasn’t his sexiest look you’re not sure you want to see what is.

“Well, okay, maybe one or two more.”

The lighting technician sighs audibly. It’s well past lunch time. You look over at him. 

“Why don’t you go for lunch? The lights are fine.” You look around at the other one or two people in the room. “You can all go. We won’t be much longer.”

Elvis watches the scene with interest. You’re refusing to make eye contact with him and he swears you’re blushing. Everyone else is just happy to be allowed to go, grabbing their things and making their way out. It’s just you and him now, and the room is quiet.

Elvis breaks the silence. “We won’t be much longer, hm?” 

You look up, awkwardly, suddenly wondering just what you thought you were doing when you sent everyone else for lunch. 

“N-no, just…uh… one or two more shots.”

Elvis chuckles. “Relax, baby. You look like you’re about to be eaten by a grizzly bear. And I ain’t that big.” But I will eat ya, he thinks. 

The tension in the room defuses for a minute or two as you laugh along with him. You pick up your camera again. 

“Okay, come on then. Really give me your sexiest look this time.”

You can hear your heart beating in your ears and feel your whole body getting hot. He runs his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes for a moment, and then you watch as they spring open and he fixes you with the most intense stare. Propping his head up again on the back of his hand, elbow on the arm of the chair, without any kind of warning he puts a finger in his mouth and bites on the knuckle. You almost faint on the spot. 

“Fuck.”

His eyes widen and his lips curl into a smile. 

“What’s that, baby?” Noting that’s the second time he’s called you baby and got away with it.

“N-nothing. That’s good. You’re right, that is sexier than what you were doing before.”

Your heart is pounding in your chest, your panties are ruined and you’re actively suppressing a moan. He can see the effect he’s having and he knows exactly when to strike. 

“Come closer.”

His voice is so syrupy you can’t help yourself, putting one foot in front of the other until you’re standing right in front of him. You shakily move your camera from your face. 

“I-I think I’ve got what I… um… need,” you babble, trying to keep your eyes on his face but finding them wandering down to his boxers again. 

“Nothing else ya need?” He teases, moving one of his hands to rest on his clothed dick. 

You swallow. “N-no, Elvis.”

“No?”

You just stare at him, unable to speak. 

“Nothing else ya want to take a photo of?” 

Part of him can’t believe he’s being this bold, but he finds himself staring right into your eyes as he rubs his dick through the boxers, letting out a little breathy sigh and biting his lip. 

The tension is unbearable. 

“What are you offering?” You whisper, your eyes darting down to his hand on his dick and back up again. 

He smirks. “Just sayin’ ya can take photos of whatever ya like.”

You step back and bring your camera back up to your face, snapping a photo of him with his hand so obviously touching himself through his pants. 

“Take it out,” you find yourself instructing him. 

He grunts, shifting the boxers down a little as he reaches inside them for his dick, pulling it out and stroking it a couple of times.

“Can you… move the boxers down… further?” Your mouth feels dry and you try desperately to swallow. 

He pulls them down a little more and you gulp, seeing his balls exposed under that big, thick shaft. You take a few more photos. Elvis�� chest heaves. 

“Touch yourself again.”

He does as he’s told, slowly moving his foreskin up and down, staring right into the camera as he does it. You adjust the lens, take more photos, squeeze your thighs together. 

Your hands shake as you move the camera away from your face. He looks so good. 

“You got what you need?” He asks, still lazily stroking himself. 

You shake your head, trying to put the camera down carefully before walking the couple of steps it takes to reach him. 

“No. I need your dick inside me.”

He groans, watching as you pull your pencil skirt up around your waist and position yourself on his lap, pulling your panties to the side and sinking down on his length. 

“Fuck,” you murmur, feeling him stretch you. 

“You okay, baby?” He asks, as you gasp at the feeling of him filling you up completely. 

You’re surprised at the tenderness, at the way he pulls you into a kiss when you tell him yes. Your arms snake around his neck and his fingers grip your hips, thrusting up into you from underneath. You lean your forehead against his, panting as you roll your hips too, both of you holding each other. 

“How long have we got?” He asks. 

“I don’t know,” you breathe, cursing yourself for not checking the time when you let everyone else go. “We better be quick.”

He nods, his grip on your hips getting tighter as he fucks you from underneath. You start to bounce on him, matching his pace, both of you moaning against one another’s skin. 

“Baby, you feel so good.”

You bounce faster, your fingers finding their way into his hair. “Fuck me harder,” you murmur. 

His hips snap up obediently, driving his dick even deeper inside you. He can feel himself getting close but he wants you to cum first. 

“You close?”

You nod, pulling one of his hands down between your legs. He doesn’t need any further instructions, his thumb rubbing your clit as he keeps pounding you. Your fingers grip and pull his hair as your orgasm builds in the pit of your stomach. 

“Fuck. Fuck.” 

Elvis grips you more tightly, feeling how close you are. His thumb rubs harder and faster and you feel yourself start to unravel. 

“I’m cumming… ohhhh….” 

He watches you as you arch backwards, riding him through your high, desperately wishing he could take a picture. Your walls squeezing him tightly push him over the edge too, and without thinking he cums inside you. 

“Fuck. Honey. I uh… are ya on the pill?”

You lean your sweaty forehead against his again, one hand wrapped around the back of his neck. 

You smirk. “Yeah. Don’t worry.” Pressing a kiss to his lips. “But what did I tell you about calling me honey?”

***

Taglist:

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed:

@vintagepresley @arg-xoxo @from-memphis-with-love @msamarican @blursedblegh @returntopresley @another-identityofmine @eapep @everythingelvispresley @i-r-i-n-a-a @sissylittlefeather @arrolyn1114 @jhoneybees @cattcb @polksaladava @lookingforrainbows @jkdaddy01 @ccab @epthedream69 @lustnhim @elvisslut @pomtherine @that-hotdog @ladelinee @angschrof @fairybloodsucker @deltafalax @makethemorning @elviswhore69 @ilovequeen978

[onlyjjong]

엔하이픈 --- EMAILS I NEVER MEANT TO SEND (PART 2)

　　 박성훈　 x　 fem!reader　x 　심재윤 　　┊　　a very late and long birthday gift for jennifer!! :> 　　┊　　 wc 5.8k

GENERE　┊ 　!oneshot, !nonidol , !fluff , !hints of angst , !high school, !childhood best friends to lovers , !best friend's brother , !love triangle , !hockey player sunghoon , !basketball player jake , !academic weapon reader

DISCLAIMER 　┊ 　depictions may be inaccurate , contains swear words, y/n is lee heeseung's sister , sunghoon calls y/n 'princess' , y/n calls jake 'jaeyun' , doesn't really contain jake and sunghoon playing their sports , y/n prefers strawberries over mangoes , mentions of ocs and random characters here and there.

⟡ 📩 𑁋 TAGGING : @a-dream-bookmark , @/k-labels , @k-nets , @k-films

“Y/N, YOU OKAY?” HEESEUNG ASKS, MAKING YOU LOOK UP FROM YOUR HALF-EATEN BOWL OF A CONCOCTION OF RICE, SOUP, KIMCHI, BEAN SPROUTS AND SEAWEED. He sips on his tea, eyes trained sharply on you. 

“Yeah, I am,” you reply, feeling a little guilty. You weren’t entirely lying, but it’d be such a fabrication if you told yourself you weren’t feeling down at all. “Why?”

“Did you sleep late? Or did you get dumped?”

“Oppa!” you exclaim, “when did I ever get a boyfriend?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot that you’re always sticking around with Sunghoon. People think you’re his girlfriend, so no one’s asking you out,” Heeseung snorts. 

Your eyes slightly widen. “Wait—people actually think like that?”

“Yeah, of course,” Heeseung replies, rolling his eyes. He swallows his bite before continuing, “everyone thinks you’re Sunghoon’s, you know?”

“People think so?”

“Girl, the two of you act like a literal couple. You hold hands, kiss cheeks and call each other nicknames like it’s nothing. I mean, those who know you guys are friends know that it’s platonic, but–”

“Then, why isn’t he doing anything about it?” you snap, crossing your arms. Your sudden outburst shocks everyone in the room—even Heeseung stops eating. 

“Y/N-ie, you alright, sweetie?” your mom asks from the kitchen. 

“I’ll be fine,” you reply. “Hee oppa’s bothering me!”

“What are you saying, idiot?” Heeseung hisses. “I’m not bothering you, just tell me whatever is bugging you!” 

“I’m upset,” you declare truthfully. “I want to go to hoco with Sunghoon. But he’s not asking me or anything,” you whine, dragging out each word in a dramatically exaggerated manner.

Heeseung snorts, “if you want to go with him, just tell him? It’s not that hard.”

“It is hard! Oppa, imagine telling your childhood best friend: ‘oh, I like you. Can we go to homecoming together?’. That kind of thing completely ruins a friendship! Imagine if he doesn’t like you back? How would you feel?” 

Heeseung leans back into his seat, smirking smugly. “I don’t have any girl best friends, so I wouldn’t know.”

“YAH!” you yell, smacking your brother’s head with your spoon. He laughs, clutching his stomach as you sit back down, pouting. “I’m upset and all you’re doing is laugh at my face.”

“Hey, I’m just joking around,” Heeseung reassured, “I get how you feel—even though I kinda don’t.”

Your brother laughs as you huff. 

“I think you should go and confront him about it,” Heeseung suggests, going back to devouring his breakfast. “I’m honestly surprised you told me that so straightforwardly, but I guess that’s the result of me sacrificing my ego to get close to you when we were kids.”

You kick his leg under the table, annoyed by the way he’s laughing as you do so. “Shut up. Don’t make me regret having you as my brother.”

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“SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL, Y/N-IE,” HEESEUNG SAYS AS YOU EXIT THE CAR. He waves to you before driving off. You then make your way towards the entrance gate, only to be greeted by an obviously excited and jumpy Danielle. 

“Y/N!” Danielle waves, all smiles. “Come on!”

You jog up to her, who’s standing at your school gate. “Hi. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she replies, but you know her a little too well to accept that as an answer.

“Oh, you think I’m stupid, don’t you?” you elbow her, “you’re a bit too smiley at quarter past seven. Something’s definitely up.”

Danielle giggles, “I’m sorry, I forgot you’ve been my friend since middle school. Now I kind of resent myself for picking Decelis Academy as my study abroad option in 8th grade.”

You hit her shoulder, laughing in synchronisation. “Anyway, Dani, tell me what’s going on. Is Heeseung coming to pick you up after school today or what?”

“Nah, I am,” Jake’s voice coming from your left startles you, making you lose your balance. Yet, Jake is quick to grab your arm, stabilising you. 

You turn towards the source of the voice, expecting him to be standing at a reasonable distance beside you. But, oh boy, the goosebumps you get from seeing his face merely inches away from yours…

“Oh?”

Jake smiles. “I’m sorry for startling you,” he says, letting go of your arm gently. “What were we talking about again?”

“Yah, Jaeyun,” Danielle interrupts, smacking her twin brother’s head. “Don’t go around and scare people by whispering right in their ear. It’s creepy, you know?”

Jake laughs sheepishly. “Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Anyway, you’re picking Dani up today? What does that mean?” you ask. “Don’t you guys, like, cycle home everyday? Together?”

“Yeah, we do,” Danielle replies, “but today he’s bringing me and you dress-shopping.”

“Me?” you gasp.

“Yep,” Jake nods. “I-I mean, I suggested it to her. You know, since… um, my sister’s going to hoco with your brother, a-and she wants to go dress-shopping… I thought it’d be fitting to bring you too.”

“You can help me pick,” Danielle adds, smiling. 

“Sure,” you agree after some thought. After all, going shopping with Danielle is something you enjoy doing, and there’s nothing wrong with her twin brother accompanying the two of you. 

Except… that the said twin brother is most likely, according to the current situation, your hoco date. 

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WALKING OUT OF THE CHEMISTRY LAB, YOU DRAG YOUR FEET TOWARDS THE CAFETERIA. There have been several periods and classes with Sunghoon, yet there hadn’t been any indication that he’d be asking you to go to homecoming with him. 

“So,” Danielle begins, as soon as you set down your tray. She waits for you to sit down before uttering, “are you going to homecoming?”

“I think so,” you say, shrugging. “I mean, I thought about it, and it’s my senior year. I should go to homecoming.”

Naeun and Danielle shriek happily. 

“Oh my God! My wish came true!” Danielle clasped her hands together. 

“We can finally take a trio polaroid together. Complete. As one,” Naeun says. 

“Gosh, stop over–”

“What wish?” you get interrupted, once again, by the one and only: Park Sunghoon. He nods to acknowledge Danielle and Naeun in front of you, before sitting down next to you. 

“Nothing,” you immediately reply. You shift awkwardly in your seat, uncomfortable by the way your cheeks are warming up. 

How on earth did you actually survive being Sunghoon’s best friend for more than 10 years whilst having a crush on him? 

Maybe having a crush on him for 5 years has taught you the skill of burying  your feelings whenever he was around.

“I’ve known you for 13 years,” Sunghoon says. His left cheek bulges as he chews on his mouthful of cold noodles. “And if I learned a thing or two, it is to never trust you when you say ‘nothing’.”

“Exactly!” Naeun exclaims. “Sunghoon, you tell her to stop using the same excuse every time, it’s so obvious when she’s lying.”

“Oh, shut up, Nae.”

Sunghoon rips open the package of his chocolate bar and breaks it in half. “Here,” he places it on your tray. “You like cookies and cream.”

You bit your lip in hopes to suppress a smile. “Thanks,” you say coolly, taking a bite out of it. 

“Anyway,” Naeun grins, a glint of mischief in her eyes. You glare at her, already dreading what’s to come. “Got anyone to go to homecoming with, Park Sunghoon?”

Sunghoon leans back in his chair, stealing a glance at you. “No. I don’t want to go.”

You almost spit out the contents of your mouth at his blunt statement. “What? Why?”

Sunghoon shrugs. “I’ve got no one to go with?” 

“Well, you can go with me if you want to,” you murmur, afraid to raise your voice. 

“What?” Sunghoon tilts his head, eyes staring into yours. “What’d you say?”

“Nothing!” you quickly say, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “I-I’m going though.”

It’s now Sunghoon’s turn to be confused. “Huh? I thought you weren’t going.”

“Yeah! I-I wasn’t going to… but Jaeyun asked me… to go with him,” you utter each word with complete caution, eyes going back and forth between Danielle and Sunghoon. “And I’m… going with him.”

Danielle gasps, and at the same time, you couldn’t shrug off the pang in your heart when you witness Sunghoon’s expression morph into something you’ve quite never seen on him before.

Was it jealousy? 

“Double date!” Danielle gushes, her eyes crinkling with laughter. “God, I’m so happy! I can finally go to homecoming with my best friend!”

“...have you told him?” Sunghoon asks, somehow struggling to force the words out of his mouth. 

“Who?” you reply. 

“Jake.” 

You purse your lips, then shake your head. “Nope. I’ll tell him after school, though.”

Sunghoon nods, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer than it usually does. Then, he turns to his lunch and finishes it in silence, ignoring the conversation buzzing around him. 

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“LET’S GO?” JAKE TAPS YOUR SHOULDER, SMILING WIDELY AS ALWAYS. You sometimes question in your head, does he ever get tired of smiling?

“Mhm, okay!” you reply, quickly packing up your bag. “Wait for me at Danielle’s class.”

“Alright. I’ll see you there.” Jake nods, and struts out, which leaves you and Sunghoon together. 

“Where are you going?” Sunghoon asks, his tone careful and slow. He looks at you, and there’s something in his gaze that you can’t pinpoint. 

You swing your bag over your shoulder. “I’m… going dress-shopping.”

“With Jake?” he asks. 

You nod slowly. 

“Y-yeah. And Danielle.”

“Have you told him you’re going to hoco with him?”  

You sigh. “No, I haven’t. I’m a bit embarrassed to… tell him.”

Silence floods the two of you. Though, this time, the silence was overwhelmingly uncomfortable. There was some kind of tension that hung between you and Sunghoon, and you know precisely what caused it.

“Hmm,” is all you get from your best friend after a few moments of awkwardness, that involves you standing straight near your desk, unable to move as you await his response. 

“Do you like him?” Sunghoon asks, standing up from his chair. His height towers above you, and you gulp in nervousness. 

“No?” you say, “I don’t. No, I-I do, but I like him as a friend.”

“Like how you like me?”

Your eyes widen as if a nuclear bomb was dropped in front of your face. 

“L-like?”

Sunghoon chuckles, ruffling your hair. “I’m joking, Rainbow Dash.”

Memories flood your vision upon hearing the childhood nickname; vivid like it happened yesterday. 

You clearly remember your six-year-old self, sitting on the floor of your house’s play area with a seven-year-old Sunghoon. The two of you had a whole world made out of toys set up—Sunghoon built several buildings and skyscrapers using wooden blocks he brought from his place, along with a few Hot Wheels and action figures; while you had a whole army of My Little Pony figurines out, along with a full-fledged set up of a tea house. You remember roleplaying with Sunghoon, giggling and fighting with each other’s creative imaginations. 

“You? As Rainbow Dash?” Sunghoon grimaced, laughing loudly. “You’re too girly, Y/N.”

“No I’m not!” you yelled. “I’m as fast and cool as Rainbow Dash!”

“Fast? You never win against me in any races. You’re more like Fluttershy to me,” Sunghoon declared, a proud smirk displayed across his face. “Softie.”

“No I’m not!” you insisted on a small panicky tone. 

And the two of you fought, for the next 30 minutes, on whether you suited Rainbow Dash or not.

“Gosh,” you whisper shakily, “I haven’t heard that nickname in a while.” 

Sunghoon smiles—and it’s as if, in this entire universe, it’s only you and him. It’s an unexplainable feeling; one could probably try and portray it as if time had stopped, and everything else around you froze—and he’s the only one for you. 

“Hmm? I thought I’d call you Rainbow Dash instead of Fluttershy,” he jokes, “since, you know, you like Rainbow Dash more than Fluttershy.”

“Hey!” you exclaim, “it’s been so long! Don’t remind me of that!”

Sunghoon lets out a train of laughter—and it rushes through you like a refreshing breeze, reminding you of your never ending feelings for him, and how his laughter is one of the things you’d never get tired of hearing.

“Come on then,” he urges you to walk out of the class. “We have a dress to find.”

You follow his lead, your brows knitting with each other. “Huh?”

Sunghoon looks back at you for a second, smiling while he’s at it. 

“I’m coming with you to buy your hoco dress. I mean, I’m sure your mother wouldn’t get mad at you if you’re going out with me,” he says, as your legs freeze, unable to move. You’re dazed at Sunghoon’s presence. Everytime he smiles at you, you’re smitten—and it’s as if your body is in love too—it freezes, always. 

“I’ll pick your dress for you if you don’t come! I’ll pick the most horrible one!” Sunghoon yells playfully from the corridor, causing you to jolt awake from your trance. “And I’ll tell Mrs. Lee, you’re going out without asking her first!”

“YAH!” you scream, swiftly dodging tables and running out of the classroom to catch up with Sunghoon. “Wait for me, Park Sunghoon!”

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“HERE,” JAKE HANDS YOU A CUP OF MANGO YAKULT BOBA, ACCOMPANIED WITH A SMILE THAT YOU WISH YOU DIDN’T NOTICE WAS A LITTLE BITTER. It must’ve been because Sunghoon’s here, standing beside you, you recall Danielle whispering to you a while ago. 

“What?” you ask him. 

“Take it,” he insists. “It’s on me, so don’t worry.”

You nod thankfully before poking the straw into the cover of the drink to take a sip. Though, before your lips could even touch the tip of the straw, Sunghoon gets himself a big sip of your drink. Bewildered and stunned, all you could do is watch and let your lips form a twitchy smile as Sunghoon perks up from an angle slightly lower than your eye level.

You gulp, suddenly nervous at the close proximity. 

“This is good stuff,” he says with a grin. 

Your eyes shift quickly between Jake, who’s standing right in front of you, shock painted all over his facial expressions; and Sunghoon, who’s standing to your right, grinning like he’s just scored the winning goal for the inter school hockey competition.

“Hoon!” you smack his arm, “this is my drink—you didn’t even ask!”

Sunghoon keeps his grin on. “I mean, you wouldn’t even finish it,” he shrugs. “Plus, you prefer strawberry flavoured things over mango, right?”

You watch with guilt as Jake’s facial expressions morph into a shameful expression. He lets out an “oh”, and he looks away.

“It’s okay, Jaeyun,” you say, offering him a smile, which makes him rebuild eye contact. “It’s not that I don’t like mango. I do! Just that I prefer strawberries.”

Jake nods attentively. “Ah, okay.”

“Okay, guys! Enough of this awkwardness,” Danielle says out loud, looping her arm with yours. “We’ve only got a few hours to shop for Y/N and I’s dresses, so get your asses up and moving, boys.”

The four of you then walk through the mall, window shopping to find your dresses. Danielle, of course, is the most excited. She practically drags you and Jake around, Sunghoon tagging along. 

You naturally enjoy the experience of shopping with your girlfriend. It’s certainly a refresher—sipping on your boba drink as you browse through a wide selection of eye-catching clothing. Though, every time you look to steal a glance at Sunghoon, there’s this off-putting feeling that you can’t quite name—and the reason as to why is evident, displayed right in front of your eyes. 

Every time you make eye contact with Sunghoon, you notice a challenging aura blazing through. It’s as if he’s purposely making it hard for Jake; as if to dare him to prove that he’ll be a good date to you.

Honestly, you think to yourself, it’s just one night. It’s not like I’m dating Jake for real.

And you wonder too, why Sunghoon is making such a big deal out of it. 

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“HEESEUNG’S GOING TO BAWL HIS EYES OUT WHEN HE SEES YOU IN THIS DRESS,” YOU SAY WITH A SPARKLE OF MELODRAMA. Jake chuckles, while Sunghoon simply nods.

You marvel at how beautiful Danielle is—her beauty is enhanced with the purple dress she’s wearing. It’s exactly her vibe—a lilac baby doll dress with ruffles and puffed sleeves—soft and dainty. 

“Buy this one,” Jake says.

“Okay!” Danielle happily nods. “What about you, Y/N?”

You’ve tried on several types of dresses in many different colours—jade, champagne red, and light pink. Though, none of them thoroughly suited your taste.

“Jaeyun,” you say, causing the boy to perk up and look at you with slightly widened eyes—not expecting his name to be called. “What do you think?”

“M-me?” 

You smile and nod, ignoring Sunghoon’s piercing gaze. “Yeah, you.”

“I-I mean, I don’t know,” Jake stammers, “why are you buying a dress though? I thought you weren’t going to hoco.”

“Well…”

“You stupid idiot, she’s going with you!” you hear Danielle shout from inside the changing room. 

You don’t know why, but some feelings of delight wash through you as you watch Jake’s lips form a wide smile. He laughs, awkward and strained at first, but gradually, he gets up and pulls you into a hug. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs breathlessly into your shoulder as you pat his back. “Thank you, Y/N.”

Jake pulls away from the hug, and for the first time, you see tears form at the edges of the basketball prodigy. 

And, for the first time too, you see Sunghoon looking away from you. 

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“DANI!” YOU WHISPER-YELL, TRYING TO KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. You and Danielle are in the changing room, the latter helping you to put on dresses. Out of all the dresses you tried—the light blue ball gown dress, the lavender mini dress with bow details, and many other bodycon and babydoll dresses—none caught your eye. 

Except for one. 

A simple midnight blue babydoll dress, adorned with pearl details and thin straps; one that Sunghoon picked out. At first, you weren’t sure if it’d suit you, but after trying it on, you were baffled by how you look. The dress fits you perfectly, highlighting exactly where it needs to be.

“Are you sure this is okay?” you ask, pulling your hair out of your dress. 

Danielle nods, an adoring look on her face. “Girl, everyone will be smitten.”

Of course, you didn’t believe her at first—but the look on Sunghoon and Jake’s faces made you second guess yourself. 

Sunghoon’s eyes stop blinking, and his lips part slightly. Something feels stuck in his throat, and everything dawns on him. 

You look absolutely magical.

He can’t pull his eyes away, no matter how hard he tries. You are his best friend, the person he feels most comfortable with. And now, it hits him like a truck. 

You’re breathtaking. 

To his left, Jake is completely blown away by your beauty. The edges of his mouth twitch, indecisive as to whether he should smile or not. His pupils widen as he takes in the view of you, realising that you really are more prettier than he thought you were. 

“So,” you finally say, pretending to not notice the two guys’ gazes on you. You smile at Jake, not forgetting to spare Sunghoon a glance. “How’s this?” 

“I-I mean,” Jake says, smiling, “it’s perfect.”

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To: parksung.h0812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com

Dear Sunghoon,

Thank you for picking out the dress for me. I think I like it a lot. Obviously because it’s not what you picked out but anyway! I’m nervous. Not because I like Jaeyun or anything. It’s just the general homecoming thing. You know, the surroundings and the partying… I hope I can handle it.

I’ve got nothing against Jaeyun, but I do still wish you’re my date instead. 

Why didn’t you ask me to be your homecoming date, Hoon? Did you know how desperately I have been waiting? Did you know how guilty I felt to be brushing off Jaeyun every single time he asked me to go to hoco with him?

Look at me now. I’m his date for Friday. 

Hoon, I wish I had the courage to tell you. I wish I was brave enough to tell you that I like you, and that I don’t care if it ruins our lifelong friendship. I wish I was fearless enough to ask you to homecoming. 

I wish I was better. I don’t know if I’m good enough for you, but if you ever need a girlfriend, or a wife one day… I’m here. Always. 

Sent 23:00 PM, 4th September. 

To: parksung.h0812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com

Sunghoon, 

It’s homecoming. 

Jaeyun’s going to come and pick me up soon—in like half an hour. I got the girls over, to help with makeup and all. I feel gorgeous, Hoon, but I wonder if you think so too. 

I wish the person who’d come and pick me up to go to homecoming today was you. I really want to see you in a suit—oh God, I know just how good you’ll look.

Honestly, even in a hoodie and sweatpants, you look stunning. 

Sent 17:35 PM, 6th September. 

“Y/N! Sweetie, Jake’s here!” you hear your mom call from downstairs. 

“Coming!” you shout back, shoving a lipgloss and a pack of tissues into your purse before rushing downstairs. 

His eyes sparkle as they gaze on you, and he looks as if he’s never seen someone as beautiful as you. He stands respectfully by the stairway, giving you a polite smile.

“Hi,” you greet Jake, leaning into his side hug. Jake is smartly fitted into a neat suit with tie, and a corsage is tucked perfectly into the pocket of his chest. He hands you a matching one. 

“Do… you want to wear this?” 

You make eye contact with Heeseung, who’s standing by the door with Danielle. He nods, and you turn to Jake. “Sure.”

He fastens the corsage around your wrist, his touch gentle and careful. “Is it okay? If i-it’s too tight or anything,” Jake says, “tell me.”

You pat his shoulder. “It’s fine, I’m good. Thank you, Jaeyun.”

Heeseung drives all of you to the conference hall of Decelis Academy, where the homecoming will be held. Upon arrival, Jake opens the door of the car and helps you out. 

Feeling slightly overwhelmed hearing the faint music coming from inside the hall, you turn to Jake. “So,” you say, slowing down your walking pace. “What do we usually do at hoco?”

“Hmm, there’s a concert by our school band—you know Jay? He used to be in Heeseung’s grade, he was the lead guitarist,” Jake explains. “His girlfriend, Han Jihyeon, is still the main singer. They’re sickeningly cute, in my opinion.”

You chuckle and nod along, recalling several moments where you’ve seen the couple interact with each other before. 

“There’s also plenty of games,” continues Jake. The two of you walk together into the hall, and as you reach the door, he opens it for you. “Oh, and you don’t have to dance if you don’t want to, you know.”

You nod, bracing yourself for a chaotic night. 

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AFTER TAKING PICTURES WITH JAKE, DANIELLE, NAEUN, AND HEESEUNG, YOU FIND YOURSELF RETREATING TO THE REFRESHMENTS SECTION OF THE CONFERENCE HALL. Jake left to play games and dance with his friends, as well as reconnect with his old buddies who have graduated. At first, he felt guilty to leave you alone, but you insisted he go enjoy himself so much that he gave in. 

You bring out your phone and adjust your hair, which your mom had put in a half updo adorned with a sparkly white ribbon. Your makeup tonight is bedazzling too, and you admit, for once, it made you feel more beautiful than ever before. Kudos to Danielle for being your makeup artist. 

“Y/N!” you hear Jake call for you. You look towards his direction, seeing him quickly approaching you. 

“Yeah?” you answer, fidgeting with the empty plastic cup in your hand. 

“Do you want to come and play some games?” he asks. “I mean, i-if you want to.”

“Honestly, I don’t really want to,” you reply, “but since we’re already here, why not?”

You watch as Jake’s uptight and polite expression transforms into a bright smile. “Okay!” he beams, grabbing your arm. “Let’s go!”

You don’t know if it’s Jake’s luminous grin or if it’s the games that are fun, but you enjoyed almost every minute of the games you played. You found yourself laughing amongst Jake and his friends, and found them to actually be decently nice. You too found yourself sharing many greasy yet fulfilling snacks with Jake, bonding over random things such as physics, iconic movies and so on. 

When the time to go home comes around, Jake escorts you to Heeseung’s car and waits until your brother comes. 

“Thanks,” he murmurs, “I had a really good time tonight.”

You give Jake a smile. “Of course!” you pat his shoulder. “I also enjoyed tonight a lot, surprisingly. Thanks for asking me out.”

Jake laughs shyly, the corner of his eyes crinkling along. He rubs the back of his neck. “Y-yeah! You’re welcome… and you know, I think we should hang out sometime?”

“With Dani?” you inquire on instinct—immediately regretting it after, realising the true meaning behind his words.

“Um–” Jake lets out an awkward chuckle. “Sure, alright.”

The breeze blows, and you realise that you’re wearing something so revealing on an autumn night. You push your hair out of your face and rub your bare shoulders with your hands, in an attempt to warm yourself up. “It’s really cold tonight,” you laugh. 

“Oh, yeah,” Jake agrees, swiftly removing his suit jacket and placing it on your shoulder. He stands right in front of you—and you notice, then, how tall he is—and adjusts the placement of his jacket on you. “Is it better now?”

The scent of honey, cinnamon, and freshly baked apple pies mixed with a faint touch of expensive cologne attacks your senses. You pull Jake’s suit jacket closer to your body, attempting to combat the cold winds. “Yep! Thank you so much, Jaeyun.” 

“Jake!” you hear Heeseung call from a distance, interrupting something Jake was about to say. Your brother—accompanied by Danielle—quickly approaches the two of you, giving Jake a brief handshake. “Thanks for waiting with Y/N.”

Jake places a hand on his chest before nodding slightly. “Of course. The pleasure’s all mine.”

“Thanks for coming to homecoming with my twin brother, Y/N-ie,” Danielle says, giving you a hug. “We finally get to take pictures together. I’ll send them all to you, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” you nod, mirroring Danielle’s smile. “I’ll see you later, Dani.”

“See you!” she exclaims before linking arms with Jake. “Come on, my feet hurt from all the dancing.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “Who told you to wear heels?”

Danielle simply gave her twin brother an annoyed look. “Shut up. Beauty is pain.”

“Anyway, we have to go now,” Heeseung recalls. 

“Mom will kill me if I don’t get you home before midnight,” he continues, nudging you with his elbow. He opens the car door, signalling for you to get in. “Come on.”

“Bye, Jaeyun, Dani!” you say as you get into the car. 

Jake sends you a soft smile along with a nod. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

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“WHAT THE HELL,” YOU BREATHE SHAKILY. You’re now at home, in your room—barely finished with your nighttime after-shower routine when you hear knocks on your window. 

Quickly wiping your hair dry with a towel, you rush to your window, the damp towel still in hand. You push the curtains open, only to be greeted with a vision of Sunghoon, leaning against the glass with a grin on his face. Your eyes widen with shock.

“Park Sunghoon!” you exclaim hushedly, immediately opening the window to let him in. 

“Thanks,” he grumbles, effortlessly climbing into your room. He lands with a soft thud, and he stands patiently, waiting for you to close the window. 

“God, you gave me a heart attack,” you say. “What are you doing here? It’s cold outside, you know? How did you even manage to climb up here?”

“Eat,” he replies, instead of answering your questions. Sunghoon then hands you a plastic bag filled with goodies—and you perfectly know what’s inside. 

“What’s this?” you ask nevertheless, grabbing the plastic bag. 

Before you could even open the plastic bag, Sunghoon excellently answers, “Pocari Sweat, cream cheese with salmon kimbap and ice cream.”

A wide grin immediately emerges on your face, much to Sunghoon’s satisfaction. “Oh my god!” you exclaim, sitting down on the heated floor. “I’ve been craving this.”

“You always do,” Sunghoon chimes, sitting down across you, leaning against the wall. Unnoticed by you, Sunghoon stays silent as he watches you eat heartily; your facial features highlighted by the warm light of your bedside table.

Something caresses his heart. Some kind of feeling… It makes him feel full and content.

“Switch on the lights, I swear to God,” Sunghoon sighs. 

“No,” you shake your head, cheeks filled with kimbap. “My parents are going to think I’m still awake. Plus, this kind of ambiance makes me sleepy.”

“And?” Sunghoon raises a brow, amused. “Do you want to eat while sleeping?”

“No!” you insist, swallowing a big bite of kimbap. “I want to make myself sleepy so that I can sleep as early as possible.”

Sunghoon snorts. “It’s 12 o’clock, Y/N. What kind of ‘early’ are you talking about?”

He laughs cheerfully—still keeping a low volume—as he dodges a pillow from you. 

“I mean,” you defend yourself, mouth still full of food. “At least it’s earlier than 5 o’clock.”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, laughter still lingering around him. “Whatever you say, princess.”

Princess. 

A nickname that rolls off Sunghoon’s tongue so easily. It’s an old habit—stemming from an incident that happened when the two of you were kids; where Sunghoon had deliberately called you ‘princess’ just to annoy you, knowing that you wanted to be a dragon warrior when you grew up, not a princess.

Though, the same nickname used by Sunghoon for years to no end still gives you plenty of butterflies and heart-fluttering moments. By logic, you should’ve gotten used to it by now, considering the absurd amount of times he called you by that. 

The two of you sit facing each other, faces lit by the dim light of your mushroom shaped lamp. The both of you sit in pure silence, the sounds of breathing and occasional satisfactory moaning coming from you due to the food filling the atmosphere. 

Sunghoon looks at you attentively—the way you melt into every bite of food that you enjoy; the way that you sit cross-legged in front of him, vulnerable and authentic. It’s just you and him—the pure and bare you; your face naked with no makeup on, your shoulder-length hair let loose, the bangs framing your face perfectly as it should. 

“Goodness, I’m so tired,” you groan, laying down on the floor with an almost finished ice cream in your hand.  

Sunghoon scoffs, adjusting his lean against the wall. “You’re going to choke on that ice cream.”

You throw him a glare. “Shut up.”

“So, Y/N,” Sunghoon says after a moment of unbroken eye contact, caused by him intently watching you try to eat ice cream while laying down. “How was it?”

You immediately sit down. “Hoco?”

Sunghoon nods. “Yeah. Was it fun, with Jake?”

“It was okay. I unexpectedly enjoyed it more than I wanted to,” you reply, finishing your ice cream. “I do think I prefer night-ins to binge watch dramas or movies—like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, or Emily In Paris—don’t you think?”

Sunghoon smiles briefly. He nods, “movies are more of your thing, I think.”

“Anyway, I’m glad I went,” you continue, “I’m in my senior year—we’re in our senior year, and we won’t get to experience something like this anymore.”

Sunghoon sighs as he shrugs. “Homecoming’s not my thing. I thought… I thought it wasn’t yours either.”

You look at him, staring at his features a minute longer. “I-I mean, it still isn’t. I just went because Danielle and Naeun insisted I go.”

“And because Jake did too?”

“Oh, um,” you stammer, “not really. I-I mean, I’ve been shrugging him off for a while now. I even rejected him for prom last year, remember?”

You swear you saw Sunghoon smirk for a split second. He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m surprised someone even asked you out.”

“Why?” you roll your eyes. “You think I’m not pretty enough?”

“You are.”

“What–”

“You’re too pretty, people are afraid to ask you out.”

Silence. 

You stare at Sunghoon, your childhood best friend, with widened eyes. He looks back at you, firmly connecting the eye contact with some kind of determination and genuineness you’ve never quite seen before. 

It took a while for you to finally form a response. 

“Oh. Um..”

Sunghoon stands up. “Well, then, sleep well. I have to go now.”

“S-so soon?” you blurt out, flabbergasted. 

Sunghoon smiles softly. “I have practice tomorrow. Come watch.”

“Of course, I always do,” you nod eagerly. You didn’t know when it all started, but for as long as you remember, Sunghoon and you had always been each other’s biggest supporters. You never really missed any of his hockey matches and most of his practices; and he never truly missed any of your music recitals too. 

Your cheeks blush at the thought, and all you could do is gawk at Sunghoon as he ruffles your hair.

“See you later, princess,” he says, pushing your window open. “Sweet dreams.”

　　 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ˚　　 ▒ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ₊ㅤ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Ⳋ᧙ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ⁺

To: parksung.h0812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com

Hoon!

I’m so excited! A four-day school trip is really what I needed—just spending time with friends with no worry of anything at all… it must be fun. I hope it’s going to be just like how it is in the dramas; where all we do is play games, maybe sort out treasure hunts and eat delicious food all day. I heard the fee’s going to be quite a lot, so I really do hope the activities are worth attending for. 

Also, I think I need to restock on sunscreen and some other stuff. I want to ask Heeseung to take me to Olive Young, but if I’m not mistaken he has a resume to work on and my mom’s not letting him go out until he gets that done. 

So…

Okay, I’ll just text you if you want to go. Hope you do, and hope you won’t think it’s weird or anything!

Sent 11:09 AM, 8th September. 

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[klunkcat]

Life is short, and I've shortened mine

rise of the tmnt gift fic for the T3 server november exchange, for the very lovely @remedyturtles

Sensei is a character that can actually be so life changing and brain consuming. Very grateful to have the opportunity to play in your sandbox, exploring their headspaces is actually incredible and also devastating.

Note: This is an offshoot from Rem’s “little kid with a big death wish” fic and will not make sense on its own I fear.

title from good bones by Maggie Smith

read on ao3

___

He didn’t ask for this, is the crucial thing. He’d been— not relieved to be dead, because he hadn’t managed to make it yet to where his brothers were, because his kid was still out there fighting for tomorrow. Relieved was too gentle a word, but he’d been something. 

Maybe less tired. 

It was nice to think about, selfishly. He’s been carrying lead weights and anchors at the edges of himself since the moment the world fell, but there’d never been any other volunteers for the job. Somewhere quietly inside himself he’d thought the ending would mean a moment of reprieve. He should have known, though. They’d all been the universe's favorite chew toys for long enough, dying was too nice a bow to wrap around it. 

He really hadn’t asked for this, no matter what the subconscious thoughts he’d hit to death with sticks in the back of his mind said about escaping. Stumbling across the kid— another him, a version of him he’d never gotten to be, that he thinks maybe distantly he shouldn’t have needed to be— he’d hoped he could silently wrap himself in that thick blanket of nothing and fade out at least. Not fuck things up for him worse, but, well. 

Maybe the throughline to being Hamato Leonardo was fate-led curiosity; he’d never learned how to leave well enough alone in either direction. Of course Leo had scouted him out, of course he’d been compelled to try to help the kid float when he should have stayed put, of course. Of course. 

And so, as the classics say, here they were. 

“Can you give me a number, Leo?” Raph’s voice creeps in, all-over earnest and thoughtful in the way he intrinsically is—was. It’s a shard of glass to hear it at all, it’s everything he’s ever wanted. The kid fuzzes out a little and slips sideways a step; oops , Leo thinks. There’s a hard line around not transmitting too loud, he’s still trying to figure it out. 

Could do without whatever that was ever again , the kid thinks, sharp and rattled under the surface.

Leo winces. Sorry, I’m all thumbs over here. Trying to keep quiet. 

Psh, younger Leo rolls his eyes. You’re all one thumb .

The kid turns back to his brother, thrumming still between a one and zero now. He’s scrambling to ground still, to focus. He gives Raph a quick OK sign that there’s no way Raph doesn’t see through. It’s kind of funny to watch his force-fire white-knuckling deflection in technicolor from the outside like this, he’s not sure why he ever thought this worked. 

“That’s okay, that’s fine. Can you give me a number, bud?” The pleading edge hurts to hear. 

They hold up a shaky one, maybe overconfidently. Mikey and Don are in the room somewhere, he can hear them shuffling even with Leo’s eyes closed. The sudden memory of a thousand days where the only rest his littlest brother got was when he was locked in meditation, the way he walked like his bones and joints hurt right up until the end, nearly knocks them both back to a firm zero. 

The kid glares at him, Leo holds his hand up apologetically and imagines zipping his non-existent lips shut. 

They’d been doing better for the last few days. He’d started talking out loud, had been at a solid two a handful of times. He knows the kid’s frustrated and exhausted, he can feel it, especially seeing them slip all the way back. Leo feels a hot well of shame creep up his ethereal throat. 

He knows it’s a push and pull game they’re playing. Wounded leading the wounded, and all. 

It’s still a lot, to think of seeing his family that isn’t his family. Of them knowing he existed and talking to him. Points towards the ‘he should fuck off forever’ category, as soon as they figured out how to get rid of him.

(The kid talked about it like they’d miss him if he left, like there’d be some great love lost— they didn’t know him, though. He’d lived through twenty years of a war they’d never have to see. Leo was not the teen they were missing, the one they were trying to call home, because he’d given that up a long time ago.

Of course he had to leave, this kid had a life of his own to live now. Leo didn’t have anything.)

“ — he was for a moment, just give him time,” Raph’s saying. He forces the kid to take a purposeful long breath in, squeeze his fingers, twitch his toes. Keep him from tipping all the way over into the dark where he’d accidently shoved them. 

“See, he’s back with us,” Raph continues, brightly. The kid groggily radiated all sorts of furious signals like a firecracker popping in several unplanned directions, all different fonts screaming exhaustion and hurt the only way he knew how. Leo’s heart aches for him. Beating himself down for daring to survive at all. 

“Is he?” Don’s voice cuts in haughtily. Leo makes them blink their eyes open, caught out despite the kid’s anger. 

They’re looking for you, bud. Rise and shine.

I don’t care, the kid hisses. Fuck off. 

Okay. Well. Less than ideal. 

“Which one are we dealing with,” Don’s voice hovers closer, half lodged in icy suspicion. He wouldn’t be this closed off for his Leo, obviously. Leo— Sensei smothers a sigh. 

“He’s trying not to  answer the phone right now. So, just me. Sorry.” 

“Is he okay?” Raph asks, concern evident in the dark shadow of his brow. Sensei can’t look at it directly, it’s not for him to feel all the reminiscent grief of a brother that isn’t even his. How he feels about any of this never helps anything. 

“He’s….” He prods the kid and gets an indistinguishable slew of curses and general hypothetical middle fingers back. “He’s taking a break, he’s okay.” 

Don arches a brow back. “I don’t care that we’re forced to take your word for this, just to be clear.” 

“Fair enough. He says, and I quote, bite me, so I think that’s where we’re at.” 

“Ah,” Raph hums. “Well, if you can tell him I’ll be back in ten minutes with tea, I’d love to check in on him then.” 

Sensei nods, relays the message with a garbled hiss as a response. Expected. 

Don stares at him, impassive. Arms crossed and eyes narrowed. Feral cat radiating protective instincts three counties wide, like always.

It’s… an ache under the skin, to be left alone with Don. He hasn’t forgotten the way Dee’s face would shift in a scowl, he never could, but seeing it played out on a younger face scratches something in him regardless. 

“I want to speak with my brother, if it’s all the same,” Don says, blunt. 

“I’ve been trying to ring him, I promise. Bad morning.” 

Don arches a brow with a twitch to his jaw Sensei knows means he’s attempting to fight off a full on annoyed pout and failing. It hits him sideways to see, funny in the chest. A thousand sense memories, a different Donnie and a different place, coalescing all into one. His Don had gotten really good at not emoting at all near the end, he’d almost forgotten.

Hey, the kid grouses. Who’s flying this plane?

Right, thumbs again, Not-his-Don hovers closer when he blinks back to the front. A frown touches the middle of his maskless forehead. 

He makes himself walk through a few quick grounding steps and breathe in as deep as he can before speaking. “Back, sorry. Uh, Sensei, that is. Leo’s listening though.” 

Don’s still frowning, but he leans back a touch. “He’s making it harder for you to stay here too, isn’t he?” 

He doesn’t think the phrasing of that is fair, but. “Was all me that time, if I’m honest. We’re at a one now though, I’m good.” 

“Is he ?” Don tilts his head. 

Sensei considers. The kid’s not sinking back there just… Curled up, pill-bugging. Radiating furious hurt energy like a solar system all on his own. He’s present enough to tell Sensei to fuck off and focus on Don at least. 

“Think so, yeah. He’s just…” He mimes a snapping maw with his good hand.

Don sighs and rolls his eyes, there’s an edge of anxiety there Sensei can still read as bright as anything. Isn’t that a thought. Twenty years without and this younger Donnie is still under his skin like a part of himself. 

He needs you bud, Sensei tries again, nudging his younger self. 

I’m tired of this , the kid growls back, not-voice cracking all the way through in a way that makes Sensei ache for him. 

Sensei sighs, patting his shell. I know.

Don shifts his weight in front of them, frown deepening as he moves to tap on his wrist guard. Probably texting the family about the general Bad Leo Day, he imagines. He knows how this would go with his Don— the way it would itch at him being unable to instantly resolve whatever problems his brother had. He never dealt well with any mystic issues affecting Mike for the same reasons either. 

There’d always been a thrumming line between them, some unspoken thing; Sensei carried it with him even now, even with the end gone dark. He knows Don’s having a hard time reconciling all the ways ‘Sensei’ is his Leo and is someone entirely different. Managing the fear that his Leo will go somewhere far away inside himself and he’ll only be left with someone he doesn’t know. That he’ll be left alone. 

The worst part about being a twin is when you aren’t one anymore, after all. 

Bad thought. Shit. The pull in the back of his mind grows louder. He holds up a shakier zero. Don’s sharp eyes narrow, tapping something harder on his guard before shifting closer. “Leo?” 

Can you stop being horribly sad for five minutes while looking at my brother? It’s so not helping. 

He shakes his head. “Still me,” the words come out soupy. The kid jabs him angrily somewhere in the back of his brain, uncurled with annoyed concern, which is maybe an unintentional win. 

“Is it— can you ground him?” 

He’s trying; his brain fires unhelpful flashes of the days after. Of the months of searching desperately, of the moment he woke up in the middle of the night with sudden certainty that wherever the other half of himself went, he couldn’t get back on his own. Shit. 

Shit , the kid echoes, less angry with the barely concealed concern. Sensei can feel the dark pit creeping at his arms even as he blinks furiously to stay present. 

“Not him, it’s— sorry, all me again. Don’t think I can stick around.” He squeezes his fist, forces himself to breathe deeper, but it catches somewhere around the middle. The kid slides forward with a flurry of aggrieved panic that sparks through him and sends him back down several flights. There goes that plan. 

Sensei cracks an eye back open and catches a familiar flash in Donnie’s eyes, and yeah— sorry, kid. Lights out. 

The last conversation he remembers having with Don had been about Casey. He was getting to the age where he was asking to follow them out on missions more and more, curious about everything Uncle Tello was up to. He wanted to help, desperately. Itching with the need to be useful in a way they all understood. 

It was different with Casey, though. He knew why it was different.

“We let Mike do this stuff when he was his age,” Leo had said with a sigh. “It’s hard to find good reasons to say no that aren’t just three rounds of my own loud clamoring panic. He should go, he’s trained plenty.” 

Don clicked his goggles, focusing on a project in front of him with a hum. “Mike wasn’t dealing with an apocalypse. He was, at worst, trying to find a new place to tag at Casey Jr’s age, so.” 

“Exactly,” Leo smooths his hand across his head. “But also…” 

Don looks at him, eyes gone big with the layers of lenses so he gets hyper close up patented ‘Tello Eye Roll in high definition. “But also, you’re a mother hen, and he’s talented, and he’ll just sneak out anyways if we keep making him hang back.” 

“Points for you,” Leo sighs again. “Want to make that a daily double?” 

“You remember how Micheal was about being babied,” Don sighs. “So, I don’t know. Let him go on a supply run, something small. A practice version,” Don shrugs, turns back to his work. “There’s that lower activity quadrant we got a ping on last week. I can take him and go get that part we need to fix up the generator.” 

Leo lets out a long breath. “Yeah, that— huh. That could work. He’s always saying he wants to learn more about how to keep things running around here, he’ll be over the moon. Kid asked me last week if I could show him how to do stitches.” 

Don snorts. “Great, soon there’ll be two of you.” 

Leo steps forward, leaning his elbow on Don’s chair to peer over at his desk. There’s a mess of wires in front of him, a plate he’s meticulously soldering ends together on. “Eh, there’s already two of me.” 

“Excuse you,” Don nudges him back with a shoulder. “As the funnier twin, I resent that remark.”

He laughs, lets out a breath. The thrum of Don’s room sometimes settles him, like it’s echoing the place in him where his ninpo sat before. Constant hums of his family flitting through open rooms. 

“You don’t think I’m being paranoid, do you?” Leo has to ask. The variables tripped around each other in hyperspeed in his mind at all times, racing down to the ends of his fingers. Casey’s only thirteen, they’re down too many runners, there’s never any right choices and only Leo to make them.

Don pauses for a second. He flips up his goggles before Leo can wrench the question back into himself, not that it had ever worked before. 

“I’ll keep him safe,” Don says, slowly. “It’s a good call, he’s earned it.” 

“You’re just saying that because it was half your idea.” Leo glances away, embarrassed on some fundamental level that Don had even needed to give him the reassurance. He sighs, squeezes Don’s shoulder quickly as a thank you. Don hums with a smirk. 

“Well? Are you going to teach him? Don’t think we have any oranges to practice on.” The implication rings loudly enough, Casey stitching up real wounds is a foray they haven’t dared make.

Leo waves his hand. “Might be a good idea for the kid to have some medical information in between all the supercomputer nerd things.” 

“Avoiding the question is a bold move.”

Leo deflates, winces. “Yeah. Thought it might make him worry less.” If he could help without leaving the base at all, maybe they’d both relax. A quieter thought, under that: maybe Leo would, if he knew Casey could take care of himself without him. 

Don squints. “It might. Here’s a better thought, his Sensei letting someone else take on the riskier missions for once, hm?” 

Ah, well. 

Leo feigns a wide grin anyways, shrugging. “What can I say, the Krang love me.” 

The arched eyebrow he receives is scathing. He is scathed. He waves his good hand Don’s direction with a huff. “Don’t look at me like that, this is about the kid. Table the psychoanalysis for Mike to take over.” 

“You want Michael to get in on this?”

Good point. He sighs again, shuffling over to a side table and crossing his arms. This is an old argument, the circles of it are worn through and practically scripted. If dear Tello insists, he purses his lips. Round and round they go. 

“I’m faster.”

“Other people are fast enough.” 

“Enough isn’t safe.”

“Letting the Krang learn all your moves is?” 

“Come on, I’ve been fine.” 

The scathing meter ramps up as Don’s eyes pointedly flick to Leo’s robotic arm. “They blast you with enough of their power? How long is that going to be true.” 

“I know how they work.” 

“For fucks sake Leo, the rest of us grew up in the apocalypse too.” 

The rest of you aren’t responsible for it, though , he thinks with all forty old years of packed self directed venom. There’s no point to this conversation, he finds the way out Don wants. 

“Fine. I’ll stay back for the next few, okay? You and Case can do the supply run. April’s been saying she wants to get back out, I can send her with Angel.” 

Don’s steely gaze doesn’t shift, his jaw tense. Usually, this is where the conversation stalls and dies out. World like theirs is lacking in many things, including fuel to burn with. 

“I’m sick of watching you do this,” he spits out, sharp and barbed. It stops Leo up short. 

He nearly says ‘do what’, but he knows his twin. They haven’t gone into any of this since— well, since Raph. Since the mantle of the Resistance became something heavier and lodged in him with anchor weights. Since everyone started looking at him like his plans were god. Since his fuck up ruined everything.

No time for heart to hearts, really.

“Come on, Dee,” he swallows roughly, carefully. “I’m careful. This isn’t about that.” 

“Isn’t it? Isn’t everything you do about that?” 

Leo works his jaw. “It isn’t.”

“When will you stop acting like you have to make up for it, then?” 

Ouch. Leo redirects. “We’re going to win this. It’ll work out, you know it will. I’m not going anywhere without you.” 

Winning the war hasn’t been a tangible thought in his mind in years either; he’s not sure he knows how to do anything but follow the script anymore, though. He hopes he’s putting up a strong enough act.

Don’s hand clenches around his soldering gun, relaxes. “There’s only one you,” he practically growls out, and Leo’s chest squeezes. “If he goes somewhere he takes me with him. Do you get that?” 

He swallows again. “Course I do. I’m not— this isn’t about me, Don. Strategically, until they start catching up to me we have to make them believe I’m their only concern. Promise, that’s all this is.” 

You swear? He almost hears a younger Donnie ask, crouched up in their hideout over Donnie’s gameboy. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, with as much sincerity as he carries with him. He wouldn’t, there’s nowhere else in the world for him to go when everything that matters is right here. 

“You aren’t allowed to pull anything. I’d know if you were,” Don glares. “We need you.” He says it funny, emphasis on both the need and the you all at once, like one of those endless staircase paintings that look different the longer you try to make sense of it. Leo holds up his hands helplessly. 

His twin’s stare pins Leo through for a long moment. He takes the whole half a second of pause to step closer. “Hey, that whole thing— back at you. Obviously.” 

Don lets out a long breath, expression flat and assessing. For a moment, Leo thinks he might say more, but he turns his chair around to continue soldering. 

“Obviously.” 

They’d let the conversation fall lighter, moving to charitable waters. And Leo had let Don take Case out for an easy supply run. 

The last thing his twin ever said to him was lost somewhere behind the distress beacon and the noise of the Krang leveling an entire building on him. He thinks there was a sorry in there, or a be right back to the scared kid he was giving up the world for. 

The part that’s always stung, a burr against his core, is that they never find any sign of where Donnie went. There’s his ninpo, and his bo staff with his fucking mask tied around a bleeding wound on Casey’s arm, the hum of electricity somewhere down the corridors of his mind, and Casey safely bundled and shaking in a propped up section of rubble. His kid is so terrified, asks for Uncle Tello in a quiet whine like he knows.  

He doesn’t remember the mad scramble to get there, the fact that he’d reached so far down into his struggling well of ninpo he’d felt something entirely shatter apart in his hands. The way Mikey had put his own hands over Leo’s, and brought the two of them together all at once. He only remembers the wake of whatever devastation cracks through him once it’s clear they were too late. 

The recording he’d left that Leo couldn’t bring himself to listen to for weeks. 

Leo would know if he died. He would. The light never goes out, but Don never comes home. It’s a loss he can’t name all the same. 

It’s impossible to regather whatever off the cuff words he’d said last, before Don left. Had he said be safe? Had he said he’d loved him? They’d never needed to say it before, but the lack still haunts him. He hadn’t gotten to say goodbye.

‘Be right back’ is a shitty thing to lie about, he thinks wryly.

It’s the first promise he’s ever broken. 

The ache never leaves but there’s no time for grief. He steps outside of himself and into whatever he needs to be, and he chases the corridors in his mind to that safe space Donnie’s ninpo has always rested. The door is closed, but it’s still humming. He doesn’t know what that means. 

“God, stop ,” the kid groans at him. Leo– Sensei blinks back into himself, or— to the place between what constitutes as himself these days. The spot by the tree with just the two of them. “It sucks when it’s you somehow even more than when it’s me.” 

The sludge is still there, distantly. Tugging at him in ebbs and flows. Sensei makes himself breathe out, take a look at the kid. Take stock, soldier. Focus on the problem at hand, deal with your shit somewhere else. 

“Or, here’s a thought: you could deal with your shit at all. Call me crazy, but this ‘shoving all my old man pain in a box and burying it deep down’ thing seems like it’s fucking us both over.” The kid whines, leaning his head back. The irony does not escape either of them, he knows. The Uno reverse is unspoken.

Magnanimously, Sensei lets it slide. 

The kid’s problem is more complicated and knotted somewhere inside himself than he likes to acknowledge, at least Sensei’s is all obvious lines of too-long-losing-wars and grief. It’s all outside. The problem has always been that it’s outside.

Sensei settles beside him, hand on his knees and head tilted up to the still sky. They don’t speak for a long moment, instinctively mimicking the long drawn out grounding breaths in sync. He wonders if it’ll ever stop feeling so strange. Seeing himself from the outside like this, entirely encased in different baggage. It’s hard to think about anything other than ‘he’s so small’, loudly. On repeat. It’s not a helpful thought. 

“Sorry,” Sensei breathes as the sludge lessens minutely along his back. “Should be used to that by now.” 

The kid shrugs. “Is there a way to be used to it?” 

He knows he’s asking for them both. The truest answer feels the most bleak, so he opts for something gentler. 

“I think there has to be a way to think around it at least? Make the brain box bigger. Less likely for the shit in it to hit things.” 

There’s a long sigh beside him. “Sounds exhausting.” 

A long pause. “Would it… help? To talk about it?” 

Man, this little blue. Sensei can’t help the smile that tilts across his heart; he’s so tentative and determined all in one. Still stretching a hand out even though he knows whatever Sensei’s going to say might bowl him right over again. 

He shakes his head. “Nah. I tried once, with my Mike. It’s an old scar anyways.” 

The conversation hadn’t gone anywhere helpful, even with Mikey’s ability to see right inside his brain. They’d both been too tired to argue. 

“I don’t think I could do it,” the kid says, sullenly. Tiredly. He rolls his head to the side to make eye contact with Sensei. “Live without any of them.” 

Yeah , he thinks. He doesn’t say that there hadn’t been much living at all. “You know it's the same for them about you, right?” 

The kid scowls, turns away. “Saying things you don’t mean about yourself seems kinda useless, old man.” 

I mean it about you, though , he thinks. Something twitches in the kid's face. “I had twenty years as the last resort,” Sensei offers. “Changes your perspectives on things.” Or your priorities, really. Whether or not they needed him didn’t change that he was responsible for keeping them alive. 

Or that he’d failed. 

It’s obvious math with the kid anyways. He can see the way the kids brother’s hover, checking in and creeping forward and patiently holding his hand, working constantly to make him feel safe. Twenty years and mires of grief isn’t enough to drown out all the big and small ways he can see how his family loves. 

“What was he like,” the kid turns with a sharper look in his eyes. “Your Don.”

He sighs, lets it roll through him. “Tired.”

He closes his eyes. 

“He was really tired.” 

He’d barely slept, all the way up until the end. Too many defense algorithms to scrub through footage of, supposedly— he wonders now if he should have checked in more. If he should have asked. 

“Yeah,” the kid says, quietly like he doesn’t expect Sensei to hear. “You feel tired a lot, too.” 

Oh . He supposes that’s fair. 

Sensei swallows and imagines the fractured pieces of his heart settling back into their ruins. “It’s funny, he made all the systems in our base use his voice. Had to hear him anytime someone tried to use the microwave. Technically his last words to me were ‘front door compromised’.”

“Yeah. Funny. You ever thought about therapy?”

He doesn’t want to talk about this, it never helps. The rioting part of his core that is four parts missing and agony and one part instinctive need to move forward writhes anytime he lets himself remember any of it at all. As if he does anything other than remember it. 

“Kid—” He exhales. 

The kid turns to face him, frowning with that divot above his brow and his dead set determined set to his beak that screams stubbornness in neon colors. “Listen. I know how— I do the same thing, with my Ang, right? You know, where he doesn’t need all of my… me-ness on top of everything. So tell me the real version, get it out of that slow cooker of a brain so you can stop freaking out every time Don breathes our direction.”

He’s having a weird brain schism, he realizes. The divides between where this kid went and where he himself had walked are so different, sometimes past him feels like a different turtle entirely. A younger one, boiling entirely over with how little he sees himself at all. 

I see you , he thinks, tragically. Pointlessly.  

Sensei breathes out. “There’s not much—” his voice breaks, he clenches his hand around the inexorable pull of that dark space at his edges. The kid sees all of it anyways, doesn’t he? Dancing around it only makes it more his problem, less Sensei’s alone. His throat burns with some memory of tears, it feels silly but the words crawl out of him anyways. “I just. I never got to say goodbye. We never found out if he—” 

But he had to have. It’s so much worse to imagine he had been alive and trapped, that Leo had left him there in that awful world. He had to have been dead because his twin would have broken apart the planet itself to get back to them if he could have. 

His shoulders round forward and he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. “I just, I should have gotten to say goodbye.” 

The kid is silent. A long moment passes. 

Sensei feels a small hand carefully land on his knee. “Sorry.” 

He puts his larger one over the kids, squeezes it. “Nothing for you to be sorry for, kid.” Nothing in this whole wide world. “Whatever my Don was doing, I have to believe he’s with everyone else now.” It makes it manageable, at least. Widens the box in his brain so he can think around it. 

The kid hums thoughtfully. “Can we… I mean, dad talks to our ancestors and things, in the mystic plane, right? He could maybe—” 

Panic wrings through him, ice cold and visceral. Sensei feels the shudder crack through both of them and their tree side hang out waver into darkness. “--right, okay.” The kid gasps. “Bad plan, got it. Noted.” 

“Sorry,” Sensei manages. “I just…” He doesn’t want to know what they think of him. What any of them would say about the world he broke. He knows them, he knows, but he’d been tired for so long before that, and he doesn’t want to know that Don went slowly or painfully. That he’d been waiting for Leo to find him.

Maybe he deserves to know how much he let him down. 

The kid's hand twists, squeezing his back as hard as he can. “Forget it, shit. Grounding, let’s um. Let’s do that and not whatever this is. I hate this, fuck. ” 

They walk through a few start and stop steps, the kids hand tight in his the whole time as they both dig their heels in to stay. It hurts, and Sensei wants to give in. The hand in his keeps him pushing through, cracks through him enough to speak. 

“He, uh,” he clears his non-corporeal throat. “He kept a section of his database specifically for chess games for me. To run on my wrist guard when I couldn’t sleep.” Which was most of the time. Sensei shakes his head. “Kept a file for Mario Party cheat codes, too.” 

The kid stares at the side of his face. Breathing steadier. He can feel it like a brand. “I knew he cheated. Asshole! I knew it.” 

Sensei shrugs, a laugh surprising him as choked off and wobbly as it is. “He rigged up a giant screen once. Told me he was going to come for my crown once and for all, right in front of the entire base. Raph ended up winning.” 

The stare gets more intense. “No.” 

“Swear on my life,” he says. Pauses. “Or, well. My ghost possession afterlife? Don was furious.” 

“Raph never wins at Mario,” he can hear the cogs in the kids' heads freezing in place. Hell has rained ice, pigs have started flying. Raphael, chronically confused at Mario Party mini game rules to a truly fascinating degree, won a video game.

“It’s true,” Sensei laughs. 

“Was it the pity stars?”

“It was the pity stars.” 

“Ah.”

He remembers how hard Mike had laughed at that, just absolute shrieking peels of delight as the rest of his family stared in complete silence. April had needed to drag a completely feral Donnie back to his quarters because Leo ended up crying laughing with him. 

There weren't a lot of those good days after they lost dad. It’s important he holds onto them. It’s important he doesn’t let himself forget even when it’s hard to think about. 

“That’s a relief,” the kid says, leaning back again. “Was starting to think everything about the future was completely and morbidly depressing. Least you had Mario Party.” 

At least they had Mario Party. 

The kid wakes up on his own, Sensei tucked carefully somewhere in the background. There’s a flurry of commotion somewhere out in the hall that sounds a lot like Mikey and Raph, but it’s still and quiet in the med bay. 

Shit, the kid thinks, looking at the clock. It’s definitely been more than a few hours since they fell under. Sensei can see the medical clip on the kid's finger is back in place before he wiggles it off. 

“Number?” Don’s voice cuts in, stern. Flat. Standing with his arms crossed in the corner of the room by his desk. 

They hold up a two after a long moment. “I’m fine,” the kid says. Don’s expression doesn’t change.

“Who am I talking to?” 

The kid groans. “Don’t be like that, Tello. He didn’t mean to. Half of it was me, anyways.” 

Don looks squarely unimpressed, but something eases in the line of his shoulders. Relieved not to be talking with the body snatcher, probably, he gets it. 

“He said he dragged you under, it’s been twelve hours. Am I not supposed to think your parasite is making it worse?” 

He’s not wrong either.

The kid radiates frustration at both of them. “He’s not— Dee. He’s been through a lot. Leave off him, alright? I was pissed off, he got his flip switched. I wasn’t making it easier. I’m doing good, I don’t want to be mad, okay?”

Don’s expression flickers, faltering as it always does around their particular brand of pleading honesty. “Fine, I’m not done talking about this but. Tabled, for now. What do you need.” 

The kid thinks for a minute. Water would be good, Sensei nudges him. 

“Would you talk to him?” The kid says instead, startling both Don and Leo. 

Don recovers first, eyes narrowing. “Why.” 

The kid’s brain is a mess of picture show slides, a strange warped retelling of Sensei’s own memories. It makes him wince, guilt rising thick in his chest. He’s gotta get better at locking that down. 

“Look he— he misses his own Don. It’s not the same thing, but he had a rough night. Just shut up and talk to him.” 

“Oxymoron,” Don and Sensei say in sync. The kid glares. 

Kid, Sensei tries. 

No. Not up for debate. You won’t let me tell Casey? Fine, this is my compromise. I’m tired of playing referee. 

Sensei hates the pang of panic that still lights up in his mind at the thought. The kid lets out a frustrated growl. 

Stop trying to leave! I’m sick of it. What if I— what if I don’t want them to pry you out of here. What then? You gonna sit here in this pissing contest stand off with my Don until we die? 

There’s. A lot to unpack there, and not enough of the kid standing firm enough to do it— the conversations knocked them both back swiftly to a one that’s tenuous at best. Sensei didn’t make it so long as a general without knowing how to pick his battles, anyways. 

If this is what you need from me, okay, he relents. 

The kid’s glare is still hot, assessing. He turns back to himself, to the med room. 

Don’s fussing with his tablet, brows twitching and his hand firmly in Leo’s good one. “‘M here, sorry.” The kid squeezes his twin's hand for them. “Just having a conversation, hard to be both places at once.” 

Don’s jaw shifts. “I will refrain from the comments I desperately want to make.” 

“Noted, file that under an IOU.”

Don rolls his eyes. “Scoff. As if I don’t have a mountain of those already.”  

The affection in the kid is warm and strong as anything. He clears his throat. “What if I… what if I asked him to stay. Sensei. Would you be mad?” 

Sensei shoves his own festering pile of guilt and doubt aside as hard as he can. Don’s expression flattens. “Why would you want to do that.” 

It’s your life, Sensei whispers. 

The kid shakes his head. “Casey needs him.” 

There’s another need underneath it, neither him or the kid acknowledge it directly. 

Don sighs, eyes squinting in the vague pained way of his. “I’m supposed to be okay with someone that is not you, taking you away from us when—” He cuts himself off, breathes out sharply. 

The kid stays silent. 

“Fine. Tabled. Get him out here.” 

Sensei slides forwards, patting the kid on the arm distantly and ignoring his grumble about it. He’s bracing himself— he knows how Dee is, in any version of them. Getting his head chewed off would be the easiest way out. 

“For the record,” Sensei starts, with a faint curve to his mouth. “I agree with you.” 

The kid glares. 

Don arches a brow, crossing his arms. “I don’t…. Like you, being here. I’m not convinced you aren’t impacting him in ways that are halting his progress.” 

Sensei manages a shrug. “You’re probably right. I try really hard to stay out of his way where I can, but. You saw yesterday.” 

Don’s jaw works, terse in every line of his body. Sensei remembers how his Don was before Raph. The way he’d gone along with all of Leo’s plans just inherently trusting that his goal was always to get everyone back out above anything else. The way he’d shifted. Their last conversation had been a lot of sharp lines like this; something adjacent to doubt. It still burns, funnily enough, even from a sixteen year old version of his twin who doesn’t know subtlety at all. 

“If I told you I had figured out how to rip you out of him without injuring Leo at all, would you fight me?” 

Sensei nearly laughs, I’d thank you, he tries not to think. “No,” he says with a stronger lilting smile. “I’d just ask that you do it before Case realizes I’m here. He doesn’t need that.” 

Something in Don’s face shifts. “When Leo says you’ve been through a lot, what does that mean.” 

“Ah,” Sensei huffs. “Maybe not a conversation for right now—” He can feel the daggers of the kid’s ire, nonetheless. Sighs. “Krang won where I’m from, Case probably mentioned.”

“And that means?”

He winces. “A lot of things that are hard to remember, mostly.” 

Don’s gaze is assessing. He types something onto his wrist guard. “Any triggers I should know about?” 

You. Raph. Dad. He breathes out. Shakes his head. 

“Fine. Bring him back, please.” 

The kid’s eye roll is something fierce internally, externally it’s too much effort to muster. “Dee. That was barely anything.” 

Don shrugs. “I talked to him, didn’t I?” 

It’s fine , Sensei reassures him. He means that it wouldn’t help, not with the hole that’s been carved in him for years. 

There’s nothing at all in the world for what he’s missing. He should just be better at it. The missing. 

Something stubborn lights up in the kid, a spark he doesn’t think he’s seen in the younger turtle since they crash landed together. Fuck this. 

“Can I ask you something and have you promise you won’t get mad?” 

Don’s brow twitches. “I’m not promising shit.” 

A pause. “Say it anyways.” 

“If you went somewhere,” the kid starts, and his voice shakes like a nervous glance over his shoulder. Sensei tenses immediately. “If you went somewhere, and you didn’t know how to come back. What would you do?” 

Don’t , Sensei thinks, helplessly.

“Wouldn’t happen,” Don says. Not a moment of hesitation. “I wouldn’t let it happen.” 

“What if you didn’t have a choice?” The kid asks. 

He has to imagine his Don didn’t have a choice either, clings to it with everything in him. He didn’t know the kid had seen that, the wilful refusal to believe in any world where the other half of himself would walk away on purpose.

He doesn’t know the expression on Don’s face. He’s seen it before, at the planning table. After missions. He’s never known what it meant. “I’d come back,” Don says, like it’s obvious. 

This younger version of his brother, some spun off worried and sideways Donnie, leans forward and pokes the kid as carefully as he can in the center of his chest. 

“If I still exist, in any universe, I’d be coming back.” 

Sensei swallows. He remembers this; that simple constant of trust, of knowing half himself sat between his ribs and the other behind a desk with a computer screen. He remembers believing it, too.

There’s a hallway in his mind that he goes to, where his ninpo once lived and breathed. A living room where he kept all the lights on. There’d been a time where all the rooms and all the doors had been flung wide open. They’ve been shut for years now. 

“If you didn’t?” The kid asks, voice small. 

Sensei walks through the empty room, hand trailing against the wall of his mind. He hasn’t visited this door, hasn’t been able to think about it around the hurt in him. He presses his forehead to the wood of it, now. 

“If I’m gone, it would never be forever. You’d just have to wait longer.” 

In his dreams, or at least where he goes when the kid is sleeping, the door is warm. 

He sits himself against it, and pretends it's the same as the door being open. To feel his brother existing here at all. 

Sometimes he thinks he can almost hear someone knocking back. 

[voxofthevoid]

*banging pots and pans together* Goyuu gremlins, come get y'all fucking juice.

I say this as if I'm not inundating you in goyuu every week, but Gojou has been conspicuously absent from my current WIP for...10 chapters and over 70k words. A major character and one half of the endgame ship, and he shows up halfway through the story—JJK has got me making more and more novel (in terms of my writing) narrative choices with each fic.

Gotta say, it feels great to get back into writing Gojou. Last time I tackled him was at the end of September, for the fem!Gojou no-powers oneshot. The necrofic from October beginning has a lot of Gojou, sure, but he's a...well, a corpse. Sinking back into goyuu banter and interactions felt like coming home.

Now, here's Demon/Hunter Horror Wednesday #9, featuring Gojou Sluttoru Satoru in the flesh.

There’s a man on the platform.

It’s the height that startles Yuuji first. He’s freakishly tall. The tallest person Yuuji’s seen—unless he counts Sukuna, which he won’t. Besides, this guy’s all legs, and it’s weirdly fascinating how they move, smooth and graceful under shiny pants reflecting the platform lights. They eat up the platform with long, languid strides, getting closer and closer and—

Yuuji blinks, dragging his eyes from the man’s legs to a face that’s a lot closer than he expects, even though he has to crane his neck to make eye contact—kind of. The man’s wearing sunglasses, those thick black ones that show nothing of what’s underneath, so Yuuji just ends up staring at his own distorted reflection.

His eyes are wide, his mouth a little open. Yuuji closes it, his teeth clicking together.

The height isn’t the only startling thing about the man. His hair is a shock of white, messy strands covering his forehead and even falling over the sunglasses. And Yuuji’s got no leg to stand on when it comes to people with eye-catching coloring, but there’s still something about this man that makes it hard to look away.

“Hi?” he offers warily.

“Hello,” comes the answer, immediate and cheerful. “You a local?”

“Uh, yeah? I guess.”

A tilt of the head. Those snowy strands shift with mesmerizing motions. “That’s not very reassuring.”

“Why…am I reassuring you?”

The man claps, once. “Good point! You’re not a serial killer, are you?”

Yuuji’s so confused. “No?”

“Hmm, you don’t sound very sure about that either.” The man leans closer, which involves a lot of bending. Yuuji blinks at his reflection in the glasses, which blinks right back. “Nah, you’re too cute to be a serial killer.”

“Thanks, I think. Who are you?”

“Gojou Satoru!” The man declares, straightening up and sticking out an arm. “And who are you, my young, uncertain friend?”

Yuuji takes the proffered hand. It’s big, almost swallowing his whole hand when it closes around it. There’s warmth too, seeping boldly into his flesh.

“Itadori Yuuji,” he introduces himself. “I’m very confused.”

“I did get that impression.”

“No, I mean, you’re—” Yuuji shakes his head. “Never mind. Why are you asking weird questions?”

“Hey now,” the man says, his lips pressing into a pout. They’re very shiny. And pink. “Those were very sensible questions. There’s no point asking for directions from a non-local, is there? And it’d be very unwise of me to put myself in the maw of a murderer.”

“Well,” Yuuji says, slightly less confused, “I’m not a murderer. And I do live here. Moved here a few months back. Pretty sure I can give you directions. To where?”

“A recent transplant. I see,” Gojou murmurs, his head still tilted slightly down. Despite the opaque glasses, Yuuji has the distinct sense of being looked at. “Would you happen to know the way to the Fushiguro household, Itadori Yuuji-kun?”

“Fushiguro?” Yuuji repeats. “You know him? Or are you here for Tōji-san?”

“Both,” Gojou says, his smile widening. The glossy gleam of his lips doesn’t hide how sharp the expression is, and for the first time, Yuuji really takes in the rest of his face—the chiseled jaw, the straight nose, the prominent cheekbones. A sharp face, but pretty too. Like Fushiguro’s, except that while Fushiguro’s soft around the edges, this man looks like he’ll cut if touched. “—to me?”

Yuuji blinks back to himself, trying and failing to make sense of what Gojou just said. “Huh?”

That smile grows even bigger, flashing a hint of very white teeth. “I asked if you’re listening to me?”

“Oh. No,” Yuuji admits. “Sorry?”

Gojou hums, tilting his head like a curious cat. “I don’t think you are. But I’ll forgive it if you’re a good boy and take me to the Fushiguros.”

Yuuji swallows, his throat very dry. “I could, but…”

“But?”

“How do I know you’re not a serial killer, Gojou-san?”

Gojou snorts. It’s an ugly sound, rough and nasal. Something inside Yuuji unclenches, like that’s the proof he needed that this guy is human and not some abnormally pretty dream he conjured up. It’d be a kinder dream than usual, but Yuuji can’t trust his imagination anymore.

“I’m too handsome for that, don’t you think?” Gojou asks, his grin grown lopsided.

“Yeah, but—” Yuuji makes a sweeping gesture with his free arm, covering Gojou as well as the rest of the platform. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“So there is a brain under all that pink fluff,” Gojou says, his tone weirdly approving.

“I don’t think you get to talk about anyone’s hair,” Yuuji points out, eyeing Gojou’s snow-white strands again.

But Gojou just tosses his hair like he’s in a shampoo commercial. “It’s all natural.”

“So is mine,” Yuuji says drily. “Not the point.”

“Oh? What is your point then?”

“Serial killing. I think.” Yuuji shakes his head. “Whatever. Yeah, I’ll take you to the Fushiguros’ place. Do anything weird and I’ll punch you.”

“Careful,” Gojou purrs. “I might be into that.”

Yuuji just looks at him for a moment, before taking in the rest of the platform with half a mind to foist this guy off on someone else. There’s no one, obviously. It’s not like this place is bustling even during what was the rush hour back at Sendai. Nanami and Yuuji were alone the entire time they waited, and he’s pretty sure no one but Gojou got off from the train.

Plus, he probably shouldn’t inflict this guy on anyone else. Yuuji doesn’t think he’s a bad person or anything, but he’s kinda weird. And Yuuji’s pretty immune to stranger danger.

Except when he walks into cursed churches.

“Come on then,” Yuuji says. “It’s getting late, and Tōji-san usually turns in early.”

Gojou’s lips and cheeks do something very weird. “Fushiguro Tōji has a bedtime.”

“Uh, not exactly—”

Yuuji’s cut off by demented laughter—full-on cackling, filling up the open air of the empty platform. All he can do is watch, nonplussed, until Gojou calms down, and even that’s startlingly abrupt, the noise stopping so suddenly that the resulting silence seems to boom.

“Sorry, sorry,” Gojou says, not sounding all that sincere. “That was just too funny. Guess the single dad life suits him.”

Yuuji thinks of what Fushiguro sounds like every time he has to talk about his dad. “I…wouldn’t say that. Anyway, you coming?”

“Sure,” Gojou says easily. “You going to let me go first, or are we holding hands the whole way?”

“What’re you—”

Yuuji realizes the answer before he even finishes the question, blinking down at his own hand—still clasped firmly around Gojou’s bigger one. He lets go quickly, snatching it back. For a moment, he doesn’t know what to do with it. Wiping it on his pants would be rude. And it’s not like Gojou’s palm was sweaty or anything. It was just warm, and Yuuji’s whole hand sparks like it’s stolen that heat for itself. He settles for folding his arms across his chest. 

Gojou looks entirely too amused. “Pity.”

“Don’t tease me,” Yuuji grumbles, hoping the heat on his face doesn’t actually show on the skin; he knows his odds though, and they’re not good. He’s about to march off, leaving Gojou to choose whether to follow, when something occurs to him. “Wait, are you…”

“Yes?” Gojou prods after a moment, that curling grin still in place.

Yuuji squints up at him, specifically the sunglasses. He doesn’t think Gojou’s blind. People wear sunglasses all the time, though he’s rarely seen ones so dark. And Gojou navigated the platform pretty easily earlier, no cane or anything. Still, the thought won’t leave his head, and Yuuji’s mind refuses to accept the vague sense of being watched as enough proof, so he asks, “Are you blind?”

“How blunt,” is Gojou’s response. “I like that in people.”

“That’s not—”

—an answer, Yuuji doesn’t say because Gojou proceeds to give him an answer, raising one long-fingered hand to pluck his sunglasses off.

A maelstrom of blue slams into Yuuji.

He’s seen blue eyes more than a few times. People he knew, people he passed in the street. Bright ones, dark ones. Then there’s Fushiguro, whose eyes act like some deep-sea trench, shifting from dark green to depthless blue based on the lighting and his mood.

But he’s never seen eyes like these.

It’s not just one shade of blue, but every blue, all at once. Thin threads of shuddering color, spreading out from pupils that swallow all light. It’s breathtakingly bright, like the colors are reaching out of the eyes to claw at the air. Or maybe they’re just swirling inside, chasing each other inside the confines of those irises.

A part of Yuuji knows that he’s imagining it, that Gojou’s eyes aren’t actually nuclear ghosts. But that logic doesn’t quite penetrate the blue haze in his head.

Gojou blinks, cutting off that stream of color, and Yuuji sucks in a breath like a drowning man.

[nthspecialll]

Okay I usually don't do inbox asks but I love your work. I'm trying to do deep dives on Colm O'Driscoll and am specially noticing how he doesn't do love like we see with Dutch. We also barely get any information on him at all, which is fairly interesting since he is one of the main antagonists (or at least that's what Dutch preaches all the time). What's your take on this?

Colm is a very interesting character because we don't know a lot about him, but what we do know pretty much contradicts each other. Kieran says he does not know Colm, yet he also says being around him gives you the highest highs and the lowest lows during a camp interaction. I made a full analysis on it here:

The camp convosation also answers part of your question. Colm does do love, but you are correct, not like Dutch does.

Dutch has created a small compact ground where people get along and there is sort of this family relation, and while he created it, he isn't really part of it. He is kind of hovering above them, watching, controling and then jumping down to them every now and then to let them know he is still there, yet he does it so sparsely that it is a rarely. He is watched, seen, but never really interacted much with.

Colm however does not seem to care much if his gang gets along, actually quite the opposite, it seems he wants them split. "He makes his people into monsters, makes them love only him."

He is able to create an envioment where he is down into the group, individually talking to each and every one of his members and he is charming them to the point of them having the highest high by him just talking to him. I am guessing he has done this by balancing a very fine line. He needs to talk to them often enough that they remain loyal to him, yet rarely enough that it remains special. He needs to split the gang apart so that they long only for him, yet hold them together well enough that they function as a unit.

Thinking of this, is terrifying, but so was the way Kieran talked of him.

That said, Colm isn't all godly, he can miss. If you stick around an O'Driscoll camp without attacking, there is a chance one of them will complain that Colm doesn't allow them to drink or whore, yet as we can see at Six Point, they do it anyways. It seems that here, he isn't able to balance that fine line. His gang is so big that he is unable to connect with all his members, especially those in outposts, thus while they are part of his gang, they are also their own little gang.

As for while he isn't that talked about, you can only give that much information without it seeming forced, and also Rockstar leaves a lot of things open.

[irregularcollapse]

wait is that age gap clegan i’m seeing

yeh

i nearly snuck that one in under the radar ay

what if you're 30 and in a huge amount of debt due to [redacted] and [redacted] and also [redacted] and one day you're drinking (which you never do, but the debt) with your best-friend-slash-ex and she (four martinis in) makes a joke about how you should become a sugar baby and you (too few bourbons to be considering this) start thinking about how it could be your only option at this point.

the problem is that the "daddies" on the apps all seem to be looking for babies of the unsettling "barely legal" kind and, as established, you're 30 and also not really in your prime due to aforementioned [redacted].

you are trying very hard not to think about how your life would have begun by now, if not for aforementioned [redacted].

cue more martinis, and more ill-advised bourbons, and your best-friend-slash-ex thinks you should be lying about your age on the app, and also mentally preparing to put out (which she hadn't mentioned in the first place, and may actually be a bit of a sticking point. once again, aforementioned [redacted]), and maybe you're starting to spiral a bit because this could all be a really shit idea, but then your best-friend-slash-ex points out the handsome older guy in the good suit who has been watching you from the end of the bar, and actually, maybe this is a lifeline of some kind.

it's a bit of fun but also about some things that are very personal for me so it could be a long time marinating but yeah i'll likely answer questions if people have them i guess!

[justice-maul]

Hey hey so glad that you are feeling good about your desicion. Now, may I have some tony x male reader where the reader is a lot younger than him and tony and him have a contract where tony pays the reader's bills and in exchange just wants the reader to fuck the shit out of him?

Tony Stark x Younger Male Reader | Headcanons

Author Note: Keep in mind, English isn’t my first language, thank you so much anon and so sorry for the wait, hope this makes up for it because I ADORE writing for Tony 🤤

Warning(s)⚠: Top reader, age gap (unspecified but legal), size difference (Reader is big), dom reader, mentions of praise, degradation, and rough sex (lol sorry if I forgot any)

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╝

You worked near Stark Towers but in a less... luxurious area, the job paid well enough but living in New York, you lived a very cheap and humble life that wasn't exactly your choice

There was a cafe near your job and Stark Industries, you would often go there on breaks and see some workers around the area, but never in your life did you expect to see the Tony Stark at that cafe nor did anyone else

Tony walked in on his phone, not really paying attention to anyone and got in line right behind you to your surprise, people murmured and whispers, some took pictures and you tried to look ahead and not pay too much attention to it so you can get back to work

Tony sighed, tired after a long day in the lab. All he wanted was a caffeine fix before working for the entire day again. He looked up from his phone, pulling his sunglasses donw to scan through the menu when he noticed you in front of him

A towering figure with broad shoulders stretching the fabric of your shirt even from the back it was impossible to miss your size and Tony always appreciated a good size difference, but it was your eyes that made him catch his breath when you finally peered at him out of curiosity

You cursed your own actions as you two made eye contact and he grinned at you, making you look away quickly and try to focus as you ordered your usual drink

"Can I please a get a (insert preferred drink)?" You asked the barista and pulled out your wallet to get ready to pay when Tony slid in smoothly beside you and ordered his drink as well

"Add a triple shot espresso to that too," he said and winked at the barista before looking up at you, your eyes meeting again and this time you maintained eye contact even as he smirked up at you

"Let me buy your coffee, handsome." He said, not really asking for permission as he inserted his card and payed for you both

"Uhh, thanks for paying for me..." you muttered, not exactly knowing what to say to which he just shrugged with a lazy smile

"Don't worry about it, it was nothing, though you can pay me back by joining me," he said teasingly and grabbed his drink signaling for you to join him at a table to which you hesitantly obliged and sat down with him

"You live around here sweetheart?" He asked you, sipping his drink to which you shook your head, taking a sip of your own drink

"Uh, no I just work around here, paying off some debts," you explained where your work place was and he nodded slowly, knowing that particular job wasn't exactly the best paying

"And how's that going?" He asked with a slight smirk to which you sighed and shrugged

"As well as anyone could guess, by the time I pay this off I'll probably be in a nursing home," you joked and watched as he stirred some sugar into his drink

"Well how about I help you with that handsome?" He offered and titled his head at you in question

Your eyebrow raised in confusion "For what in return?" You asked cautiously and he chuckled softly, lifting the stirring stick to his lips sucking on it suggestively

"Oh nothing too bad, I'll pay for anything and everything you need, plus more, and you just have to do one thing for me..." he paused and pulled the stirring stick out of his mouth teasingly and threw it aside "You get the luxury to fuck me, whenever I ask you to of course," he said and smiled as he sipped his drink and waited for your response

"I- um, wh-what?..." you stuttered, completely caught off guard making him laugh at your reaction "So your gonna pay for all my debt, my bills, and anything else as long as I just... sleep with you?..." you asked him

"Yeah, pretty much, if it makes you more comfortable we can put it in writing, make it a formal contract." He offered smiling cheekily, knowing that his night was about to get a whole lot better than it had been

Over some careful consideration, you agreed, making and signing the contract together, each having your own copy of it. Tony began paying for everything you needed or even happened to mention in passing time, but every week you would fuck his brains out for him as asked

Most days he seemed groggy or tired but he was always in a good mood when you came by and hid it behind his usual smiles and teasing, but he did always look much more happy after your thoroughly fucked his brains out

"Oh yeah, fuck this is just what I needed" he said, arching his hips to meet your thrusts better, his eyes fluttering shut in ecstasy and his hand raking through his hair that stuck to his glistened forehead as your large cock practically split him open

That was how it went, you gave him good dick, in return you got paid (Tony even began giving you "tips" every time you got off him real good) it was simple and you were fine with it, there was nothing that could possibly go wrong with such a perfect arrangement, as long as you don't get attached or catch feelings....

You got both.

But how could you not? Sure he was infuriating at times, a total diva, and an absolute drama queen which was typically embarrassing for his age but... you still couldn't help it, that little smile he gave you every time you showed up, a look of pure relief as if you were fixing all his problems, that moment right before he'd come undone where he would just whisper your name like he was in a trance, and they way he always tried to keep your attention on him

You'd never say anything though, it was far too comfortable, in fact you liked having to do what was considered the bare minimum for a fuck ton of money, it kept you employed and debt free and it kept him plugged up and content. Some days you'd get close, you would actually talk about life or you'd sleep in his bed all day, that sort of thing but both of you were at peace with your arrangement, you knew he wouldn't leave he might fuck around but he always came back, no one had ever taken him the way you do

The way you'd make his moans echo off the wall while giving him those degrading praises, how you'd angle your large cock just right against that one spot and hit it over and over again and yet you'd gently comb through his hair, that harsh grip you had on him that left him bruising for weeks... and yet the way you'd always make sure to never go too far was a luxury he never had before...

Yeah... he was falling hard too, just wasn't aware you were, it was clear the arrangement was fucked to begin with.

Hi hi! Sorry this took so long and sorry if it feels short but I thought I might as well get it goer with, thanks for reading and enjoy!

If you want more like this... check out my Masterlist

[thedastravelerer]

I just finished the Dragon Age Veilguard and I need to scream my thoughts into the internet void.

My Rook, Lucrezia, was bought along with other kids by the house de Riva when she was 3 years old. She doesn't remember anything before that. When her magic manifested at the age of 8, she begged Viago not to send her to the Circle. Viago saw great potential in the little elven chaos gremlin, so he decided to hire private tutors for her. From the age of 14, she became Viagos apprentice, accompanying him everywhere. Her sunny, bubbly personality was a great distraction in social settings. She was the Robin and Viago was the Batman, basically.

Inquisitor romanced Solas.

So that is the viewpoint, from which I experienced the game.

The good:

The music is AMAZING

The environments are gorgeous

Spellblade is sooo much fun. The perfect mix of rogue and mage.

Treviso is so beautiful. I am never saving Minrathous. That sh*thole can get swallowed by the ocean.

The final missions were great. The tension, the loss, the heartbreak, the betrayal—10/10. No notes.

Baby griffons

The conversations/dynamic between Lucanis/Spite and Taash crack me up

The dynamic between Viago and Lucrezia was everything I could have hoped for. I still laugh when I remember the letter from Viago starting with "IDIOT".

Viago and Teia—I would die for them. Every time they flirt, I picture Lucrezia sticking fingers into her ears and going LALALALA. I don't want those pictures in my head.

Harding wins the competition for the prettiest room in the Lighthouse.

I love the little offhand comments and banter between all of the Crows. It was fun to hear Lucanis or Lucrezia randomly mention Viago or Teia. It really painted a picture of them knowing each other for a long time and being able to poke fun at each other.

I loved Lucanis as a character. Also, the 3-way relationship between Rook-Spite-Lucanis is perfect. I loved that when Lucanis learns about Caterina being alive, he shuts down and Spite is like: "What?! Why are you putting more locks into our prison? I AM GETTING ROOK! :D

The "Solas therapy" ending was heartwarming (and also a bit funny)

I loved Solas as a character. I see, why he is the god of trickery and lies. And how his wisdom turned into pride. I just wish I could slap that stubborn liar. Just once.

You know it is real love when you spent the last few hours chomping on an archedemon and your Vhenan still kisses you.

I liked the relationship progression between Davrin and Lucanis. They went from open hostility to mutual respect to drinking buddies.

Lucanis questioning Bellara and Neve about their business decisions was hilarious. Crows are first and foremost business people.

Isseyas storyline. I just wish they delved deeper into her story instead of getting an infodump. I enjoyed seeing how the blight twisted her grief and regrets. How she remembered only her love for the griffons she saved. And the blight corrupted that love, forcing her into horrible mistakes.

The bad:

The story is so shallow in comparison to previous games. All of the nuance is gone. There is no Loghain, no Meredith and Orsino, no Anders. Everyone is either the good guy or the bad guy. Maybe except for the Butcher and Isseya.

A lot of the darker, complicated, interesting themes are ignored. After the Antaam Qunari (Sten in DAO), the Ben-Hassrath Qunari (Bull in DAI) we finally meet a scholar of Qun and we get NOTHING interesting from her. We can't have a deeper conversation about the Qun. We can't even talk about her hypocrisy of running away from the very rules she forces on Taash. The Antaam are the a$$holes and everyone else following the Qun is good. Until they disagree with their assigned role in life and get their mind broken until they fit the mold again. But we don't get to learn that.

Who TF is Anaris? Why is he the Forgotten One? What does it even mean? What beef did he have with the Evanuris? We don't get to learn that. We get MWHAHAHA I AM SOOO EVIL. Boring and disappointing. It would have been much more interesting if he convinced Cyrian his sister was a pawn for the Dread Wolf. There could have been a conflict between elves choosing Anaris, who promised them power after their gods turned out to be a$$holes, and elves choosing a new, free path.

Are we not going to address the EXECUTIONER in the room? Who is he? Where did he come from? Why is he totally cool working a desk job in the Necropolis?

We finally see Kal-Sharok and we learn almost nothing about the dwarves living there. How did they survive? How do they govern themselves? What is the culture like?

I don't understand the Titan powers Harding has. Like, I get the concept, but the details are confusing.

I am sick of the words "ritual" and "artifact"

The quests "press button in three places" or "destroy/place crystals so they link/unlink" were a bit repetitive.

Characters sometimes have lapses in memory. Ferelden has fallen to the blight, but Emmerich and Harding are going camping there... Mmmmkay. Rook, baby, you have used the teleport vortex like three times before. We have 2 in the Lighthouse.

I love Lucanis, but his romance is very undercooked. I get, that he pushes a lot of emotions down, and flirting is just another weapon the Crows use to get to their targets. But we see no inner turmoil in banter, no notes wondering about Rook. He touches Rook exactly once - in the romance scene at the very end. They never even address the almost kiss.

The brutality of the life of Crow recruits is smoothed over to be nice and family-like. We are talking about an organization that buys enslaved children and forces them into hunger games to shape them into elite assassins.

The widespread Tevinter slavery is mentioned minimally. The only mention might be the codex of Dorians speech in the Magisterium. Their whole social system is built on slavery and caste system. We don't get to talk to Neve about any of it.

Most of the helmets are hideous.

The "stealing cultural stuff is wrong and we, the pirates and treasure hunters, are not doing it. We are the good guys!" talk you have with Taash right when you meet her was so jarring. Like, it makes sense, because Isabella is in charge. It would have been funnier and less preachy if they went with "We don't steal cultural stuff, because Isabella stole something from the Qunari once and it was a sh*tshow".

No dirt, no persistent gore

You don't get to have deep conversations with your followers. Instead, you get to read their diaries and letters in the codex. I felt like a creep snooping through their notes and letters to each other. Same feeling with the Lighthouse banter.

I miss the more abrasive followers. Everyone is high on friendship. Why is no one protesting against the demon-possessed assassin cooking all of our meals? Why isn't Bellara more wary about the Tevinter mage? Emmerich gets a lot of sh*t for the creepiness, but nobody questions the morality of using body parts as Legos.

I wish we could choose a class for the Inquisitor. She looked so ridiculous and out of place in the last fight. She is one of the most fearsome fighters in Thedas and she wears the blandest outfit possible. She isn't even armed.

We find out the Andrastian faith is a fairytale and no one except Harding comments on it? All of the human followers grew up in Andrastian cultures. Religion forms the structure of society, customs, inner values, viewpoints on the world, and what is considered "normal" on a subconscious level. In DAI you have a conversation with Josephine about how the Andrastian faith provides common ground for negotiations across cultures. Cassandra walks through an elven temple that is older than her religion and still wonders who could believe this nonsense. Why aren't you more upset, people?!

I am going to pretend the post-credit scene didn't happen. You will not soil the beautiful tragedies of the very human mistakes and choices the imperfect characters like Loghain made. I will not accept some demon whispering over the wonderful multi-faceted people and their rises and falls. F*ck you.

The bug, where the game loads the preset character instead of your custom Rook is annoying and didn't get fixed by the patch.

I hate the UI with a passion

No grey streaks in Inquisitors hair is a crime.

I hate the underwater view in Rooks room. I have an irrational fear of deep waters and sea life. The Ossuary is a prison of my nightmares.

I hate the redesign of the demons. They look like dementors with their robes open.

It is not clear how long was Rook trapped in the prison of regrets.

Anyway... rant over. I enjoyed the game like I enjoy the Marvel movies. With half of my brain turned off.

[sakuralovespossums]

🌹 Osamu Dazai x Wife Reader 🌹

I kinda based you and Dazai’s relationship off of Jack and Rosemary from The Walten Files, so expect lots of wholesomeness

You and Dazai met around the time he just left the Port Mafia and was trying to make a new life for himself. You had also recently fled from another shady organization and was keeping a low profile

One day while walking home from the store, you spotted a man attempting to jump off a bridge and quickly rushed over to stop him, causing you both to fall in the water

Luckily you survived but were left wet and freezing. You angrily dragged him back to your apartment and cleaned him up, yelling and scolding him the entire time while your gentle actions revealed your true kindness

Dazai was soon intrigued by your strange willingness to help a stranger like him and decided to stick around a bit to see how long he could mess with you till you grew tired of him

As time passed, he slowly realized what an angel you were and ended up falling HARD for you (and you vice versa)

I’m one of the people who believe Dazai’s ideal woman would be someone with an optimistic mindset and pure/strong morality. She would also have a unique way of looking at things that kinda sets her apart from others

Realistically, I feel like Dazai wouldn’t open up about his past/vulnerable side to his lover nor marry them until a few years later since he’s VERY serious about keeping his personal info hidden until he 1000% fully trusts him them. But for the sake of this fic, let’s say he does tell you about his past and marries you shortly after his entrance exam in the ADA

You also work at the ADA as a clerk (suggested by Dazai)

You and Dazai are known as the cute couple within the ADA (a lot like Junichiro and Naomi but not creepy)

Dazai already follows and clings to you like a desperate puppy wherever you go, so you can imagine just how chaotic and distracting it gets at work

He’s always ditching his paperwork to flirt with you and then try to get you to ditch with him

Kunikida seriously wonders why the president ever thought it was a good idea to let Dazai’s wife work in the same building as him

He gushes about you nonstop omg it’s so annoying

*Kicks open door* “Guess what lunch my gorgeous wife made me today?!~~”

*Angry Kunikida eye twitch*

I cannot state enough times just how much this man WORSHIPS you like your his goddess, his shining light, his angel

A lot of his acts of love are pretty dramatic and silly, but it comes from a genuine place as he he feels he can trust you enough to share his more vulnerable side and dark past

He hasn’t shared everything with you though since I feel there are some things he can never trust anyone to share with, no matter what, not even Oda. But you understand that and accept him for who he is and his flaws

It’s your unwavering acceptance of him and his ugliness that really made him wanna spend his life with you

He never takes off his wedding ring

You do a lot of stuff together (eating, bathing, napping, errands, etc)

Only thing you don’t do together is cooking and cleaning since he always almost destroys the apartment

“Osamu, you are staying on that couch until I’m done cooking this soup!” 😤

“But belladonna, how can I ever help you prepare your delicious meal?” 🥺

“By not burning the place down!”

Your a lot shorter than Dazai and have a plump/curvy body type (I just really like the image of lanky Dazai having a short plump wife to pick up and cuddle 💕)

Your known for you sweet and patient personality, as well as artistic worldview that intrigues your husband

Your favorite hobby is painting. It’s something that helped you get through your dark days and your so good at it that you’ve sold a few paintings to your neighbors

Of course Dazai is your no. 1 model

Sometimes he’ll also paint something for you (he doesn’t paint as much since he’s more busy) and you decide to create a small art room to hang up both of your works

Fun fact: The real life Osamu Dazai was also a painter

Your no pushover though and can get pretty scary when angry (maybe not as scary as Dazai, but still intimidating)

If anything were to happen to Dazai, you won’t hesitate to do whatever or go wherever to save him. You don’t care who you have to face or how dangerous it might be, your fetching your husband back no matter what

Because of this, he’ll concoct plans ahead of time to best keep you out of harms way

Yeah, Dazai is still his manipulative self, but does it all out of love and what he thinks is best for you, wether you agree or not

God help anyone who even tries to lay a hand on you because Dazai will NOT hold back in letting them know what happens to those who try to harm HIS wife

I don’t really see you guys having kids. Your already happy enough just having each other (and also your dangerous professions)

Dazai doesn’t like you meeting any of his former Port Mafia peers and tries to keep them away from you

Though I imagine you and Chuuya probably have met at some point. He doesn’t give you much thought until he finds out you’re that idiot’s wife and he freaks out!!

If Akutagawa found out about you, I think he would also be shocked but then grow jealous of how close you are. How the hell was a weakling like you able to easily gain Dazai-san’s trust and admiration when he couldn’t?!

[louloulover]

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ℌ𝔬𝔤𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔰 𝔇ℜ★

I have changed some things for my own enjoyment, the history is made up. I haven't changed the original story of harry potter. I simply added my own things. ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

｡･:*:･ﾟ★〘ℌ𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔶 𝔬𝔣 𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣〙

☘Family Magic - Rune's father has been on the earth for more than a thousand years, back in history Vikings were users of a ancient magic. The real magic of the world, They danced, sang and used magic one with themselves. The magic could only be passed on through blood. But as the Vikings fought and the people slowly decreased in the world. So did their true blood. Leaving Rune's father to be the last true blood user. The magic can be passed on, but memories will be passed on. Memories come from ancestors. The magic used in todays world isn't the same, nothing as powerful.

☘Parents - His father was one of the Heads of the people, he went into hiding once they were all gone. Rune's mother is a Russian hairdresser. They were brought back to Scandinavia so Rune could be with his people and learn magic from his father. But once his father gave Rune all of his power he was gone. Rune and his mother moved back to Russia. His mother is knowing for being the best hairdresser for muggles and wizards. His mother possesses regular magic.

☘Runes magic - Although Rune isn't full blood his father transferred all his magic and being. So Rune is the strongest being, who can shape nature and anything he chooses. He doesn't use a wand, he can but he doesn't have to. He uses his body.

»»───※ ·ℜ𝔲𝔫𝔢·ℌ𝔢/ℌ𝔦𝔪· ※───►

Rune has knowledge of all his ancestors, the magical runes that cover his every inch of his body shows how powerful he is. ₊˚⊹☾

★Important - He can take away his tattoos simply, but the rune his father put on his back stays. It shows the magic has been passed down.

★Features - Rune possess dark black hair, green like the earth eyes. Eyebrows like his father, big bushy and angled down. When he smiles it is a smirk, sharp canines show from his mouth. A piercing on his left ear, a hoop stays there.

★Body - 6'2''. He is fit, and very tall. Not as tall as the twins. He gives off confidence and pride. (Harry Potter Tyler Durden lmaoo)

★Animal - Rune owns a Crow, connected with his ancestors it is his messenger 'owl'. He also owns a dog at school, (my dog from here) instead of other pets.

★Outfits - He wears colors, often crazy color schemes but somehow works? he walks in a robe or just underwear in his shared room. You will never catch him only wearing black.

its hard to find images of crazy guy outfits, so imagine them with weird color combos ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

➶ ｡˚ °》𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒂𝒎 𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆? 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒎 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈?《✧ ˚ 　· 　　

＞Honestly, i just want to have fun. That's why I gave myself such power. I don't want to deal with classes or sticking to a schedule. I want to go here for fun with friends, flying and of course the creatures. I want to see them all, fly with them, feel them.

✦ » 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝑹𝒖𝒏𝒆? « ✦

＞He was asked by Dumbledore (6th movie) to come protect his school, he knew something was going to come up this year. He has been trying to find Rune but it toke him years, and having to talk to the Merlin to even get to me.

(yes Merlin's going to be the Merlin from the show Merlin.)⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

＞He agreed if he has freedom to do what he pleases, so really he is just to hang around the school. Allowed to enter wherever and whenever. You may see him on top of the highest part of Hogwarts watching the stars, napping on furniture in the halls, playing with his dog in the fields, and throwing items at quidditch players while they practice. || He is still keeping the school protected as he does so ||

Oh and of course hanging out with his brother Casimir..

˚୨୧⋆｡This post toke so long omg, I would love to hear of other people's dr's or even link your scripts in the comments if you want! C:

I'm going to make a post of the other characters in Hogwarts, as I've added some characters. The link will be posted below this once its made!

[muzzlemouths]

Well, I can't refuse an excuse to indulge lmao. Some of these explanations will have to remain very brief/vague in an attempt to tiptoe around spoilers, but I'll say as much as I can!

Honorary mention to Killers Walk which won't make it onto this list with an explanation because you know I just put it on here for sillies.

Be prepared for this to get pretty long!

(Don't Fear) the Reaper

This one's obvious, but I do want to mention that the change of parentheses placement was purposeful. (Don't) Fear the Reaper as in do, as in you should, as in you have every reason to fear them, but that "(don't)" is meant to imply a whisper from the reapers themselves. A plead. Please don't be scared of me.

One Way or Another

Also pretty obvious, but this one especially made it on to the playlist because I am struck with visions of an animatic of Sun going ham with his axe/knife on the counselors, montage style, every time it plays. It's just so fitting to how giddy and enthusiastic he is when getting his hands dirty. Then there's the final chorus, "One way, or another, I'm gonna lose ya, I'm gonna give you the slip, I'm gonna trick ya," which will be especially relevant in these coming chapters.

Wolf Boy

The first appearance of a modern song! I normally like to keep my au playlists to the era they take place in (take the Dead Mall Dare playlist, for example), but I had to break that habit for this au because there were just too many songs that fit too well to pass up. This being one of them!

The lyrics feel play a play-by-play of the experience thus far. Y/N has many bones to pick with them (murder being just the start), and they would give anything to just forget about this whole event and go back to how their life was before, but it's never that easy. I think "I ain't gonna play the same" touches on Y/N's refusal to look the other way. They had an opportunity to save themselves if they only played along, but they're playing another game entirely, and they don't intend to lose.

"Wolf boy" itself is undeniably clear (I mean, I literally made a Wolf Among Sheep reference last chapter), especially with the line about a puppy becoming a beast. They've seen how Sun switches on a dime, the way he puts his amicability up on the shelf like a prop, and now that you've made your decision, it's your head on the platter.

"Can you dig what I found?" reminds of moments where they first started putting the puzzle pieces together, and most especially when they discovered Jenn's drivers license. They won't be left alone anymore because they can no longer be trusted not to stick their nose where it doesn't belong.

"You think you're some tough stuff, I hope you're happy now," said after three of their friends have now been put to the blade, one way or another. They still don't understand why Sun enjoys their suffering so much, why it makes him happy to see them panic, and with how smug he's been about it all it's really starting to piss Y/N off. There's only so much empathy one can share with a serial killer before it becomes motive.

"If you're gonna huff and puff, I gotta save this town" because they've finally reached their breaking point, and they're prepared to drive the wolf out of town if they have to do it all on their own.

My favorite part about this song is how the vibe of the final chorus changes — and how sudden the change is. To me, this is the musical version of the moment the Final Girl decides it's time to fight back.

Shout

This one, to me, feels like a one-sided conversation between Sun and Y/N. "These are the things I can do without" being his implications of what he is willing to risk, and what he is willing to lose to get the job done. Because he has nothing left to lose, and that makes for a very dangerous person.

"I hope we live to tell the tale" The fish metaphor. The fish metaphor. You understand. "And when you've taken down your guard, if I could change your mind, I'd really love to break your heart" It bears repeating that he is still convinced he can change your mind, and you'll one day see his side of things. He would love nothing more than to wrap things up here and then live out the rest of your lives together as besties. But both of you know that's not going to happen.

Eyes Without a Face

The first song mentioned in the fic! (Actually, the only song actually mentioned in the fic so far. I gotta remedy that.)

"I'm all out of hope, one more bad dream could bring a fall."

"I spent so much time believing all the lies to keep the dream alive"

"Now all I can do is love what was once so alive and new, but it's gone from your eyes. I'd better realize." What can I say except that this guy is depressed and delusional. I hope you pick up on the themes of this one on your own because I keep trying to come up with ways to articulate why this one is important but I just look like a guy with his theory board and red string. Please tell me you understand. please. please. plea

Hungry Like a Wolf

This one is just for funsies. Something something Wolf and Rabbit dynamic. "Strut on a line, it's discord and rhyme" something something he be flipping on that dime again. You get it.

Private Eyes and Somebody's Watching Me

I'm not explaining this one. They're both about stalking and seeing through each other's facades it's not that deep (it is).

Psycho Killer

Come on man.

Dead Man's Party

Oingo Boingo beloved. This one is one of those songs that is a mix of Vibe and Lyrics. Sun would kill somebody to this. It's just bouncy enough to match his vibe perfectly. The lyrics themselves are pretty obvious:

"I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go. Walkin' with a dead man over my shoulder"

"Waiting for an invitation to arrive, goin' to a party where no one's still alive"

"Don't run away, it's only me"

There's more to it of course but alas, spoilers. You'll figure it out.

Dancing With Myself

If DFtR au were a movie this would be on the soundtrack, and yeah, Sun would kill someone to this one too. It makes me think about the times they've made their own company with the forest animals after being made outcasts, and especially when he extends an offer for you to join him— but, ah, that hasn't happened yet, has it?

Personal Jesus

What can I say except that this guy is too smug for his own good, and that kind of self assured vanity can only bring further tragedy. Sun and Moon are convinced that what they're doing is righteous, that it is justified retribution, that they are the heroes of this story. And Sun is personally going to do everything he can to convince you of that.

Bigmouth Strikes Again

"Sweetness, I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head"

"Sweetness, I was only joking when I said By rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed"

"Now I know how Joan of Arc felt, as the flames rose to her Roman nose and her Walkman started to melt."

This guy is not joking. And his martyr complex is showing.

Tear You Apart

I pointedly look away from the camera. Anyway—

Y'all Want a Single

This one is so self indulgent. I just like to imagine Sun beating the shit out of somebody to this song I'm so sorry. This is the song where he stops playing with his food and just goes balls to the walls.

Who is She

Hey, I drew that vhs poster to this song!

There's just something so eerie about the vibe of this one, and I really enjoy the mental picture it draws of Sun and Moon's opinion of Y/N; how conflicted he is about their presence, how intriguing they are, how their antics are equally exciting and frustrating. This song is about them losing you. You, who they never had to begin with.

#4, Portrait of Mr. Boogie, AHS 1984, The Quarry

Skipping ahead on the list a bit so I can save the best songs for last. These four songs are nothing but atmosphere music for me. They don't personally relate to the story in any way (I mean, they're instrumental, so yknow), and are just songs that I keep on the playlist because I've repeatedly written scenes to them.

#4, specifically, was played while writing out the discovery of Chet's body (for real this time), and I'd like to think it's the song that would play during that scene were this a true slasher film, too.

Run Rabbit Run

Yeah yeah rabbit is in the title. Yeah yeah Moon made reference to this very song in his rhymed threat about a hunter coming for a trapped rabbit. But also this song is immediately relevant to the next chapter :) and I can't say more than that.

Now we're getting into heavy spoiler territory. These next three songs will be kept purposefully vague, but I hope you'll remember them when the time comes that all of it is laid bare.

Disenchanted

This song is about the tragedy. The tragedy that befell the campgrounds, yes, but more so about the tragedy that Sun and Moon endured as a result.

"Well I was there on the day They sold the cause for the queen And when the lights all went out We watched our lives on the screen I hate the ending myself But it started with an alright scene"

"It was the roar of the crowd That gave me heartache to sing It was a lie when they smiled And said, you won't feel a thing And as we ran from the cops We laughed so hard it would sting"

Sun and Moon were never given a chance to prevent this. They were always doomed from the start. When tragedy struck, they could only stand back and watch as decisions were made for them, as their very life was tossed around in conversation like it meant nothing. So they took matters into their own hands, and decided to flip the script.

The outcome has been miserable, but the beginning — their life before that point — was wonderful. It was home.

There's more that has to do with the lyrics further down, but you'll have to wait for the explanation on that until more has been revealed.

Dead Come Talking

Ohhh this one gets me Emotional every time. I can't say too much about it because this song and the one after it are both entirely about Sun and Moon's personal hardships, of which have not yet been properly addressed or revealed in the fic. I will say that the haunting they've forced upon the counselors is a shared experience, something they've personally been enduring for years, already. Sun and Moon are haunted by their past, by their grief, and in that way they themselves are the ghosts haunting the campgrounds.

Spring Break 1899

This is it. This is the most important song on the playlist. This is the song that plays at the end of Act 3. The song that plays when Sun takes in all that he's done, when the carnage sits before him and he's made to face every wrongdoing, every decision and path that has brought him to this point, and come to terms with whether or not he still wants to continue. Whether he has the strength to continue. This is the song that plays when he makes one final choice.

Echoes

The aftermath.

Do you perhaps... have a playlist for dftr?

As a matter of fact, I do 😌

It's a little on the short side at 2 hours because I am very specific with what songs get put on my au playlists, but that means each and every song has been picked with purpose (and I'm still adding more every day).

Also — you're right on the money with that song choice, anon. I don't want to spoil anything, but let's just say it'll soon be very relevant.

[erdariel]

I hate how much of scrolling tumblr is just like. Seeing people yell about the next piece of horrible news from somewhere in the world, probably also guilt tripping you about scrolling past it/not paying attention. People begging for their lives, they need money or they and their families are going to die - money that I do not have to spare, and I wouldn't have the time or emotional energy to try and check if they're a real person in need or a scammer anyway. Oh and yet another celebrity, maybe someone I've never even heard of or maybe someone whose work I've admired for years, turns out to have done something horrible! USAmericans arguing with each other about if voting in the next elections is even worth it, and I'm once again grimly reminded that I'm not american, I don't have a vote, and yet the result of the election is likely to have consequence on life in my country (and even more consequence on many other countries out there) too. People from my country either complaining about or venting their frustration through jokes about our idiot government. The faint echoes of some stupid fandom drama. Someone telling me that if I don't pay attention to a post/do something about whichever bad thing somewhere out there is the current piece of news, I'm literally the worst person ever. And oh do you wanna hear what bigoted bullshit JKRowling is spewing this time???

And it's just. I don't even know. I'm just tired. Like I know it's the consequence of living in a world that's pretty fucked for a lot of people, but I can barely even keep my own life together and generally I already see from actual news media all the bad things that are happening currently. And just. I would like to not have to play whackamole with tag blocking and still have it only help maybe half the time. And I know it's not something I can feasibly make happen without unfollowing a lot of friends whose other posts I generally want to see, but just... I would love to have even this one place for unwinding, for seeing funny stuff and thinking and talking about my favorite characters and stories, without having to be constantly reminded of all the bad things.

Like, I already know shit's fucked. Could I not just have a break

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

"See you tomorrow"

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]