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imo-chan-imagines · 4 years

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『 Random acts of kindness | Haikyuu!! Headcanons 』

The everyday acts of kindness our boys do and think nothing of, but are actually incredibly sweet.

Characters: Sawamura Daichi, Kuroo Tetsurou, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Iwaizumi Hajime, Sugawara Koushi, Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi, Oikawa Tooru, Akaashi Keiji, Nishinoya Yuu, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Kozume Kenma, Miya Astumu, Miya Osamu, Sakusa Kiyoomi, Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Haiba Lev

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), no warnings, fluff, lots of characters I didn't realise how many I'd done until I came to type up the list 😳, a lot of cats and dogs, cuteness, headcanons

A/N: I've had an exhausting and busy week, and just felt like writing some comforting fluff. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy! ♡

And please consider voting in this poll (ends this Sunday 18/10/20) to help me celebrate reaching 100 followers! Thank you to everyone who's already voted! ♡

☆ Sawamura Daichi ☆

Helps lost people find their way and regularly gives directions

We're talking off-duty, here Daichi puts the 'hot' in 'Hot Fuzz' 🥵

Hahaha, fuck 🙃

He's very approachable and warm, and gives excellent directions

He'll also walk them there if they don't understand or don't feel confident, even if it disrupts his day 🥺

And he's really good at helping lost kids and calming them down he feels so proud when he gets them back to their parents, safe and sound 🤗

☆ Kuroo Testurou ☆

Helps elderly people with their shopping bags and getting across roads

It goes against his nature to stand by and let an old person struggle, and even if they're not struggling, he always offers his services anyway

He has a soft spot for old people, 'kay? 🥺

He makes a point of getting the traffic to stop so it's safe, and letting them hold his arm as they slowly make their way across the street

They often tell him that he's 'a very sweet and handsome young man,' and 'nothing like the other young people you meet these days' and he blushes

☆ Ushijima Wakatoshi ☆

Gets things from the top shelves for people that they can't reach at the supermarket

It's a pretty normal thing to do, right? So he's chill about it

Except he will 100% walk down the entire length of the isle just to help if he sees you stuggling it's super cute 😩😍

But he won't smile or make idle conversation, or anything. He'll just nod courteously

It can be a little ominous, with his looming height and serious face, but most people take the gesture well 😊

☆ Iwaizumi Hajime ☆

Pays for the shopping of the person in front of him when their card gets declined or they don't have the right cash

He manages to offer in a way that isn't offensive or patronising he's honestly a life saver 🥺

He's very humble and casual about it

It's what he hopes someone would do for him, if he were in that awkward situation

And you never know what struggles people are facing, so his philosophy is to always be kind what goes around, comes around, my dudes 😌✌

☆ Sugawara Koushi ☆

Leaves snacks and a cute thank you note on the porch for the mailman

Or mailwoman! Or mailperson!

He hopes that the little gesture will brighten their tough day of work so precious, I can't 🥺🥰

There's usually a good selection, too no skimping here, no sirree 😌

If he's home, he'll give them a cheery wave through the window as well

Especially in this COVID-19 environment. Suga would really appreciate the services they're providing

☆ Bokuto Koutarou ☆

Spends time every week playing with the cats and dogs at the local shelters

This man is hoenstly a blessing, I physically can't 🤧

He loves seeing their little faces light up when he walks in, scruffling their ears and playing fetch, etc. and just generally showing them that they're still loved 🥺😭

And he helps take the dogs for walks too, so they get their exercise, and brushes them down, and rubs their tummies–

He wants to adopt, but he's not settled enough, so he knows he can't 😭 but it's his goal

One day 😖

☆ Azumane Asahi ☆

Always holds doors open for other people

We're not just talking the occasional, feebly held door

Asahi will ALWAYS hold a door open for anyone else

Men, women, children, old people, people with prams, whole families– literally everyone

He is TALL and STRONG, and he will be USEFUL

He will hold it open even if you're really far away, like the giant dork that he is 😂😂 you cannot escape

☆ Oikawa Tooru ☆

Often pays for the next customer's coffee in advance

Sure, it makes him feel good about himself. But, I mean, why not? What's so wrong with that?

Oikawa calls it SAOK-ing people (pronounced 'soaking') meaning: Secret Acts of Kindness Iwa-chan has told him to change the name, but he won't 🙄

Oikawa would love the touching joy of a stranger paying for his coffee in advance, so he gets a warm, tingly feeling when he thinks about it happening to someone else because if him he's literally beaming for the rest of the day 🥰

☆ Akaashi Keiji ☆

Buys food and drinks for homeless people when he passes them

He sometimes stops to have a chat with them, too 😔🤧

He's the least condescending person you could meet if you're in trouble he's so genuine, I can't

Except for maybe Iwa-chan and Daichi. They're also very down-to-earth

He'll also give them all his food vouchers that he's been collecting in his wallet to help spread their costs

Akaashi finds it hard to watch other people struggling and suffering, and so always makes the time for it when he can afford to

☆ Nishinoya Yuu ☆

Helps make up the numbers for the kids playing games in the park

Be it soccer, dodgeball, basketball, volleyball, tag, or something else entirely, Noya loves to see the kids running around in the park, playing games and enjoying themselves

So he's only too happy to join in when they need more players he'll sometimes recruit Tanaka to help as well

Yuu fits right in with them, both in height and mentality 😂😭😂😭

He may or may not get them to call him 'senpai' 🙄😂

☆ Tanaka Ryuunosuke ☆

Helps fix people's cars on the road

Tanaka's one of those people that knows how to change a flat, and so can't drive past someone having car trouble without stopping and helping

He's also a pretty good handy-man in general, and is always willing to help out his friends and neighbours with their jobs that need doing

Like plumbing problems, putting up shelves, building furniture, etc. He's good with his hands!

Kiyoko: 👁👄👁

And he'll never charge a penny! He's all too happy to do it out of friendship and the kindness of his heart 😇

☆ Kozume Kenma ☆

Hosts gaming charity livestreams for various causes on a regualr basis

All the donations go directly to the charity of choice for the stream, not through him, so everyone knows it's legit 😇

He also donates gaming consoles etc. to charities and organisations that help kids who are in hospital

He's a huge advocate for charities and organisations that focus on helping people through gaming, like AbleGamers and St Jude PLAY LIVE, and regularly donates to them

Honestly, Kenma is an angel 🥺 👉👈

☆ Miya Atsumu ☆

Gives up his seat on public transport for old/pregnant/disabled etc. people

Look, Tsumu can be a little selfish and grouchy at times, but he's not a complete asshole 👉👈

There's a line, and hogging seats on public transport when someone else clearly needs it more than him is, indeed, the line 😌

He'll do it without a second thought or a fuss, and with a smile on his face but will be low-key proud of himself, ngl

He will also get offended if someone else doesn't give up their seat when they should, and may confront them about it 😳 like, what makes you so special that you can't do that simple courtesy that even he does??

☆ Miya Osamu ☆

Donates food to charities and shelters

Both store-bought food and from his own shop

Literally gets so depressed at the thought of people not getting to eat 🥺

This man LOVES FOOD. And people are out there not able to?!

He also has a scheme set up where homeless and stuggling people can come into his shop for some free onigiri

This man 🥺🤧 can I please marry him already?!

☆ Sakusa Kiyoomi ☆

Donates sanitary supplies like soap, toothpaste, antibacterial gel, pads, tampons, etc. to shelters on a regualr basis

Literally cannot abide the idea that people are forced to live without these basic necessities, simply because they can't afford them

It's almost for his own peace of mind rather than theirs? 😅😂 almost. He does actually care on their behalf, too

But he doesn't like to make a big deal out of it, and so donates anonymously

His donations are literally a godsend to those people, though 🥺😭

☆ Hinata Shouyou ☆

Reads books to kids at the library when he's there with Natsu

And he's really good at it! He reads very animatedly, and really gets the kids engaged with the stories you can just imagine it

The kids all love him and bring him their favourite books to read!

And the parents all watch and compliment him on how good he is with kids

And this goofball just blushes and grins like a doof 😚 so freaking sweet

☆ Kageyama Tobio ☆

Always carries a spare umbrella with him to give to someone

He hates getting caught in the rain himself, so he keeps a spare just in case this precious baby 🥺

He's had to use it quite a few times, sometimes giving it to people he doesn't even know, so he ends up not getting it back and has to buy a new spare

But it makes him smile, if a bit awkwardly, to know that he's helped someone out, even just a little Tobio!! 😭🤧🥺

☆ Tsukishima Kei ☆

Steps into the road to allow room for people with pushchairs and prams

I know it might not seem like much, but this is Tsukki, guys 🙄

*Narrator voice* this is one small step for man, one giant leap for Tsukishima!

And this just goes to show that he's not as tough of a cookie as he looks

He doesn't like the idea of parents etc. and young children having to walk in the road he gets worried for them...🤭

And he does it consciously, which is important

☆ Yamaguchi Tadashi ☆

Spends time each week looking for the animals on the 'lost' and 'missing' posters around town

He hates to think of them out there, cold, alone, frightened–

It makes him feel nauseous just thinking about it 😣

My poor, precious baby!! He's too pure for this world!! 😭

It's not often, but sometimes he actually manages to find one and bring it back to its owner safely, which is a huge boost for his mood and confidence

He feels so valued and appreciated, and just happy that the little guy is SAFE 😇🤧

☆ Haiba Lev ☆

Helps strangers get their cats out of trees and other high places

What else is a tall, handsome, goofball-of-a stranger to do? 😌

Legit, he doesn't think twice. Tall people should use their height to help people, shouldn't they?

Sure, it doesn't always go to plan, and his arms sometimes end up looking like well-used scratching poles, but he's just glad to help 😇

It's good to see the cats safe and with their owners

♡°☆•♡°☆•♡

If you enjoyed, please consider voting in this poll (ends this Sunday 18/10/20) to help me celebrate reaching 100 followers! Thank you to everyone who's already voted!

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jaehyunspeachparty · 5 years

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daddy jaehyun

ii.xxxvii. (a)

"Hey, have you picked up Miga yet?" You are driving your car when you are on the phone with Jaehyun. "Yes, we just got in the car. We would be on the way to you now." Jaehyun was with Sunoh at Johnny's and helped him finish the nursery. The baby could come at any time because Johanna was already in the 38th week. "We need a little more time. Could you come in an hour?" Jaehyun sighed and you can hear your son babbling in the background. "Okay, then I'll do something with Miga." You look in the rearview mirror and see your little girl dreamily looking out the window. What was she thinking of? "Perfect thanks. I love you." "I love you too." After hanging up, you went back to your daughter. "Miga, do we want to go to a cafe and eat cookies?" You knew that this answer can only be positive. "Yeah!" Cookies always brought her back to reality because she loved nothing more. You park at the next parking lot, get out and take your little girl with you. Here was a sweet cafe that had all the variations of cookies. "Today is your lucky day because today we have a mummy daughter afternoon, you can choose every cookie today." You knew that it was bribery, but you also wanted to get a little love from your daughter and not always give everything to Jaehyun. "YEEESSS." Her eyes started to sparkle and together you order what you want. You buy different kinds of cookies, Miga got cocoa and you got coffee. You sit down in a corner and the cafe staff gave your daughter something to draw. She was sitting on your lap, one hand holding the crayon, the other a biscuit. You stroke her hair and enjoy spending time with her. "Y/N?" You hear a familiar voice and when you look up you recognize an old colleague. "Dohyun! I haven't seen you in a long time. What are you doing here?" Dohyun worked with you at the event company in Seoul. He had stopped with you at the same time since he and his partner had moved to the Netherlands. "I'm only here for a few days. Shock my parents that I'm marrying Seojoon soon." He sighed and his eyes were sad. His parents never accepted that he was gay and just hoped it was a phase. But he had found his big love in Seojoon. "Do you have time? You could sit with us." You smile and make a little space at the table. "And is that the reason why you left the company?" He eyed Miga and smiled lovely. You stroke your daughter's hair and nod. "Yes, that's Miga. I have also a son, he's now 8 months old. He's now with my husband." You smile and cannot realize at this moment how quickly time has passed. "Are you happy Y/N?" Dohyun grew serious and you realize at that moment that you missed a friend like him. "Yes, I am." You smile because Miga and Sunoh were the gift that you always wanted.

The evening was quiet. You cook in the kitchen, Miga told about her day, you told Jaehyun that you had met Dohyun, and Jaehyun told about Johnny's fears of becoming a father. Miga was still afraid in the house at night, so it took a lot of time until she finally slept. But now she didn't wake up in the middle of the night anymore, so you and Jaehyun take advantage of this opportunity right away. You knew Jaehyun wasn't going to be here that often anymore, so you wanted to take advantage of him every moment. And it was much more fun in your new big bed. Drops of sweat ran over Jaehyun's torso, his muscles stood out and you stroke his biceps and shoulders. He groaned in your ear and you enjoy his warmth, his smell. But while you two were in the middle of it, Jaehyun's phone started ringing. "Ignore it, you feel too good in me right now." You moan and throw your head back. Jaehyun nodded and continued his movements while kissing and massaging your breasts. But the phone kept ringing. You try to ignore it for a while, but at some point it was too disturbing. "Maybe it's Johnny and the baby is coming." Jaehyun sighed and looked worriedly at the phone. You couldn't do anything anyway, maybe it was an emergency. Jaehyun pulled his best part out of you and took his iPhone from the small coffee table across the room. You pull the blanket over your naked body and watch Jaehyun read something. His gaze was serious and you're starting to worry. "Is there anything with Johanna? Is the baby healthy?" But Jaehyun shook his head. "It has nothing to do with her, it ..." He was interrupted by the ringing of his phone again and he picked up immediately. "Yes? Mhmm ... hmmm ... no it's just a friend ... yes, I'm 100% sure ... I trust her there ... yes we'll come over tomorrow." Jaehyun hung up and came to your bed again. He looked visibly annoyed. "I should never have taken you into the public." He looked out of the window, but still into the void. "Jaehyun? What are you talking about?" You had no idea what was happening. "A Saesang of mine has published a picture of you hugging Donhyun and since there was a rumor that Miga was not mine, you are referred to in the media as a cheater." Jaehyun gritted his teeth and he may have been almost angrier than you. "But we did a paternity test because of this whole thing and Dohyun is gay." You just couldn't realize what was happening there. Why were you so attacked by the media? "I can't believe it, I ... I ..." You notice how his throat swelled and his face get red with anger. "Jaehyun we can't do anything anyway. Let's just wait and see what the press department at SM says tomorrow.“ Somehow you were more worried about your husband, he shouldn't get so angry about it. Of course, it wasn't nice that your public reputation was considered you as a cheater, but as long as Jaehyun knew that you were loyal to him, everything was fine for you. But Jaehyun felt helpless, he wanted to protect you from something like that, but he couldn't ...

The next morning you drive to Jaehyun's company. You had to buy diapers for Sunoh, so you briefly get off with Miga at a grocery store. Meanwhile, Jaehyun was waiting in the car with his son. It was relatively busy and you take Miga by the hand. Somehow it felt like people were staring at you. You get a little scared and you squeeze your daughter's hand tighter. Unfortunately, you went by a cookie shelf and Miga absolutely wanted to have some now. "Mummy please." She pleaded to you and made herself heavy. The people around you started whispering. "Miga come on, we just need something fast for Sunoh. We have enough cookies at home." You sighed and tried to go on with her. "Terrible person," you heard a woman say, and you knew she meant you. But you didn't want to be weak, so you lift Miga up to you while she cries. You quickly go to the shelf where the diapers are. Miga was crying louder and a few people had come by now. "Do you still have to torture your child after breaking your husband's heart?" Another woman came to you and looked almost threatening. "I don't know what you're alluding to." You roll your eyes and take a pack of diapers. "You didn't deserve a man like Jaehyun. You should really appreciate him." Another woman came to you menacingly. More and more people are gathering around you and you are now panicking. Miga started to cry even more and then she did something she had never done before. She ran away. "MIGA." You try to escape, but people block your way. There were too many people and Miga was so small. "What's going on here?" And suddenly Jaehyun was there. He had Sunoh in his arms and thank God, Miga was on his hand. She must have seen him and ran to him. People cleared the way and Jaehyun came to you. "You should get a divorce. Don't put up with something like that," said another person and looks at you in disgust. "That's none of your business." Jaehyun hissed and hugged you. Then he turned to the group. "Nobody cheated on anyone here and now it's enough for me that my wife is getting constantly hostile by you guys." He was really angry and he quickly pulled you out of the supermarket. When you were in the car it was totally quiet. Jaehyun snorted with rage and stared into the void. "I didn't think everyone would react to it so emotionally." You couldn't believe it. Everyone was so angry and you didn't think people would react that way. You drive to Jaehyun's company and the press department clarifies how to regulate this situation. You agree that Jaehyun may publish a text, but while he is promoting his solo album, you should take yourself out of the public. He shouldn't mention you, post no pictures, and so on. You totally agreed, but Jaehyun reluctantly agreed. At home, Jaehyun published this post: "It makes me sad and angry that people attack my family and accuse things. My wife has not had an easy year and we are still struggling with the wounds of the miscarriage. If a comforting hug from a friend helps to close the wound, why shouldn’t it be a bad thing? What a man would I be if I forbid my wife to be happy? I know the man she hugs very well, he is a good friend of ours. But it is now more said than it should be. Please respect our privacy, don't believe any stories or pictures, because our children suffer the most."

"I doubt that it's a good idea to do the solo album." In the evening you sit on the couch with Sunoh and Miga. Jaehyun was super angry all over the day. "What why?" You were really shocked. Of course, you want him to pursue his dream. "Today was really blatant. I can't do this to you and the children." Sunoh was sitting on his lap and he stared at the little boy, who was playing with a rattle. "No, that's your goal, your dream. We'll get through it together." You worried how Jaehyun thought. Of course, you'd rather have him just with you but this wasn’t the way he should go. "But I don't want you to get hurt." Jaehyun sighed and you could see him struggling with himself. "We are doing as SM said. I will withdraw in time. I pay more attention to who I interact with in public." You're trying to cheer Jaehyun up, he had to do this now ... for himself. "It's not a solution." He was still not happy. "It's not. But it's only temporary. And you'll be back in autumn and we'll be working on baby number 3." You smile excitedly and Jaehyun finally agreed. "Okay, okay." He nodded and kissed you.

daddy jaehyun masterlist

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ourladyhart · 5 years

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Ethical Gift Giving (But On A Budget)

I stumbled across this today and I absolutely love it! This is a fantastic chart to get you thinking about ways you can give during the holiday season whilst reducing our future impact on the environment and get creative at the same time. Definitely a win/win!

I have a couple of extra tips to add for those of us on a low income or those who are on a tight budget. The holiday season can be particularly tough when you’re living below the poverty line or are barely making your pay check stretch month to month. It can make us feel excluded or even ashamed of ourselves; and whilst this couldn’t be further from the truth – you are so valid regardless of your financial position – there are lots of different ways that you can still give and feel included with little to no funds.

Give Memories: Lovely photo frames are easily found at $2 shops or op shops; and if you don’t have access to a printer, you can print from your phone or USB at Kmart for about 10 cents a print. Our generation often forgets how nice it is to have physically framed photos and getting a photo that means a lot to your friend or family is a beautiful personal touch.

Total cost: Less than $5

Experience days don’t have to be a trip to the movies, an escape room or ice skating, and the cost of these activities can rack up quickly. Instead, you can make a “movie day” at home for you and a friend. You could even give them this gift in the form of a handmade “IOU 1 Movie Day”. Set up a picnic on the living room floor and watch your favourite movie together. You can also bake together or get some cheap snacks from the supermarket whilst you both veg out.

Total cost: Less than $10

Give Your Time:

I love this one! Again, you could hand make cute vouchers for these, “1 Day of Helping You Organise Your Wardrobe” or “1 Day of Building Your Website”, etc etc.

Remember, in this busy day and age sometimes all we want is actually just time spent with the people we love; and your company is often enough. If your friend suffers from chronic pain or a mental illness; they may love some help with cleaning. Perhaps they don’t often eat a home cooked meal and you could whip something up for them. These actions are often invaluable.

Total cost: Free – Your time

Upcycle:

Well you know this one is absolutely going to be my favourite! I am huge on street finds and items I procure; fixing them up and then passing them on. You can often find great items of furniture or knick knacks in council clean ups. It’s a good idea to check out when the next dates will be in your area; so you can get ready for some “late night shopping”!

If friends give me hand me down items throughout the year, they often come with “Oh, it was almost perfect, but…”. I listen to what they didn’t like about the original item then give it a total up cycle before giving it back to them. It’s often a lovely delight! My favourite of these was when an old flatmate gave me a sad looking lamp. I gave it a really good Tiki Bar sort of look (which she was obsessed with) and gave it back for Christmas. To this day, it’s her favourite object she owns.

Total cost: Free – $50 depending on which materials you use

I’m going to add three of my own sections in here:

Re-Gift:

We all get gifts throughout the year that we’re not sure why they were gotten for us but you’re not really sure what to do with. SAVE THESE ALL! I put all mine in a bag or box in my laundry so when Christmas time comes round, you’ve already got a haul of presents to give. My husband and I often get thank you gifts of alcohol from the community, but neither of us drink. Other people certainly do though and this is a lovely gift for people who do drink to receive.

I know there is a bit of controversy on re-gifting, but I know if I gave a gift that wasn’t quite right, I would love for it to be passed on to someone who could truly appreciate it.

Total Cost: Free

Save The Accessories:

I can’t recommend hanging onto gift bags, used wrapping paper, birthday candles, banners, and cards throughout the year. You can even ask friends or family at the end of their parties if you can have the gift bags or wrapping if they’re going to just throw them out. This saves SO MUCH money each year on having to buy new wrapping equipment, and it’s readily on hand when you need it. If you haven’t been doing this already, start now and put them in with your re-gifting stash for the end of each year. You’ll thank me next Christmas!

Total Cost: Free

Ask:

Your friends and family probably have a whole heap of storage stuff they haven’t been through in ages; and once they do will be looking to unload a lot of stuff. I love to help my friends organise their stuff in exchange for anything they want to give me. The old adage “Ask and you shall receive” is gold here, so pop on your thrifty hat and don’t be afraid to ask those around you if they’ve got anything they want to get rid of.

Total Cost: Free or Time

Buy Second Hand:

Op shops are my definitely jam, with about 95% of my clothes being second hand. My wedding dress was a $45 vintage dress from Vinnies Newtown.

Op Shops (or Thrift Shops for our American friends) are TREASURE TROVES of second hand trinkets, clothes, furniture, and weird things you can only imagine. Give yourself plenty of time to wonder around and let objects or clothes let themselves known to you.

Boutique antique stores can often come with a boutique price tag, but you can find just as wonderful vintage and antique pieces at markets or throughout op shops.

eBay and Gumtree are also great places to find items for a lot cheaper than RRP prices and you can often barter for a lower price or find something similar for a lot less.

Total Cost: $2 plus, depending on what you’re after

Make: One of the most sentimental gifts I made was with a $2 ball of wool and some knitting needles. I sat night after night and knitted my friend a scarf for her birthday. Along with it, I included a beautiful note about how the scarf helped me with my recovery after a hospital stay in June; and that I wanted her to always be warm and cosy. She wore it every day of Winter this year! Other things I’ve made over the years for gifts include hats (of course!), costume pieces, spell jars / spell kits often for success and love, candles, cookies, paintings and general pretty things.

Cooking or baking makes a lot of treats for minimal bucks. You can bake up a large batch of cookies, and even save a bit more cash by buying recipe boxes when they’re on sale at the supermarket. Decorate them then pop some into a tie up bag, it’s a super cute and delicious gift!

Total Cost: $2 plus, depending on what you make

Buy:

Finally, if you must buy; buy independently. Buy from small businesses, buy from artists. Your money will be funding groceries for another week for a family, or maybe even a special treat like going to the movies or purchasing new towels. Buy compassionately and support those who need it most. I can promise you the gift of support you give to these businesses and artists will cause the biggest smiles for Christmas; and that’s what spreading the true joy of the season is all about.

Bonus Tip!

You can also save money on feeding the masses by opting for food options designed to feed a lot of people at once. Meals like spaghetti bologanise, BBQ, pizza, rice and so forth may not be typically Christmassy; but they will stretch to feed a lot for less.

You can also ask everyone to bring a dish and then all the guests can share a bounty of food whilst keeping in with the community spirit.

Total Cost: $5 plus depending on what you make

#DIY #Christmas Ideas #Christmas Gift #diychristmas #tipsandtricks #lowincome #christmas on a budget #thrifty gift

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crapfutures · 6 years

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Careless whispers

In a previous post we mentioned the story of the infamous conflict between King Henry II and Thomas Becket, the Archbishop of Canterbury, in 12th century England. It’s a familiar story of two powerful and egotistical men clashing over issues of status and pride. After a series of altercations over clerical privilege, Henry finally loses his temper; what he actually said to the assembled courtiers has been lost to history, but the most likely version comes from the biographer-monk Edward Grim, who recorded it as follows:

What miserable drones and traitors have I nourished and brought up in my household, who let their lord be treated with such shameful contempt by a low-born cleric?

Whatever Henry said, four of his knights (Richard le Breton, Reginald FitzUrse, Hugh de Morville, and William de Tracy) interpreted the utterance as a royal command. They rode to the Normandy coast, took ship for England, and confronted the Archbishop. What happened next was described by the aptly named Grim, who was on the scene and actually wounded in the attack:

The wicked knight, fearing lest Becket should be rescued by the people and escape alive, leapt upon him suddenly and wounded this lamb who was sacrificed to God, cutting off the top of the crown which the sacred unction of the chrism had dedicated to God.

More terrible blows followed, and eventually the Archbishop succumbed. Was the king’s statement interpreted correctly? We’ll never know. But we can perhaps read parallels to our own time in the complex motivations and agendas that informed the knights’ collective decision to commit murder.

Another story, more recent. This one takes place in Dallas, Texas, where a six-year-old girl asked her family’s Amazon Echo: ‘Alexa, can you play dollhouse with me and get me a dollhouse?’ Alexa promptly complied, ordering a $300 KidKraft Sparkle Mansion doll’s house from one of Amazon’s suppliers. She also ordered (for reasons known only to the internal logic of the system) nearly two kilograms of sugar cookies. The story doesn’t stop there: the following day, when a San Diego news programme reported the story, a number of Echos were roused by the wake word ‘Alexa’ coming from proximate television sets, and they in turn followed the command to also purchase dolls’ houses.

What inspired Alexa to order the biscuits? A flawed system or a very smart one?

In 560 BC, King Croesus of Lydia set a challenge to the world’s oracles to determine who provided the most accurate prophecies. His emissaries were sent to seven sites to ask the resident oracle what the king was doing at that precise moment. The winner was the Oracle of Delphi, who correctly reported that the king was making a lamb-and-tortoise stew.

Oracles were seen as conduits to the gods, speaking and giving advice on their behalf. Divination came in many other forms: augurers would follow the flight paths of birds (legend has it that the location of Rome was decided through this approach). Haruspices would read the entrails of sacrificed animals. Today, however, reading the future is much less exotic or gruesome, being mostly about data and statistics.

The next story starts back to front. A man walks into a Target outside Minneapolis and demands to see the manager. He’s got a handful of targeted coupons that had been sent to his teenage daughter, and he’s angry. ‘My daughter got this in the mail!’ he said. ‘She’s still in high school, and you’re sending her coupons for baby clothes and cribs? Are you trying to encourage her to get pregnant?’ In fact the daughter actually is pregnant. Target knows it before the girl’s father, thanks to a hunch based on its analysis of online searches and product purchases - in this case a particular lotion often used by pregnant women in the second trimester.

One more story. In happier times for Facebook, the social media giant played a significant - if unevenly distributed and still debated - role in the Arab Spring by facilitating communication between protesters. The April 6 Youth Movement in Egypt, for example, used Facebook to launch a successful call for protests in the aftermath of the Tunisian Revolution that preceded the spread of uprisings across North Africa and the Middle East in 2011-12. Events of the Arab Spring demonstrated that social networks provide a perfect mechanism through which to disseminate information broadly and quickly, as long as you have access to the internet.

So far this is a familiar and well-trodden tale; the more interesting story, however, happened when Arab states began to shut down internet access. Activists in Cairo found the solution in a different kind of social network - not screen-based, but via the city's taxi drivers. The activists realised that if they could direct conversations towards the planned anti-Mubarak gathering on 25 January 2011 in Tahrir Square, taxi drivers might spread the word and the protest would be a success. Initially, the activists tried to talk directly to drivers.

But they soon discovered that due to the highly politicised nature of their subject, conversations would quickly turn into arguments rather than dissemination, and their objective would fail. The solution was found in exploiting the human tendency to gossip. Instead of engaging in direct conversation, the activists allowed the taxi drivers to overhear a mobile phone conversation where they would disclose the details of the protests. The taxi drivers eavesdropped, and believing they had overheard a gossip-worthy secret, they began to spread the message.

‘Technology is making gestures precise and brutal, and thereby human beings.’ - Adorno

In one of our very first posts, The Pleasures of Prediction, we described the daily experience at our local cafe - where the gestures of interaction were not always precise, sometimes brutal (depending on the mood of either ourselves or the people behind the counter), but mostly genial and surprisingly seamless. More recently, our colleague was telling us how his landlady keeps track of the number of bottles of alcohol he consumes each week by counting his recycling - a sort of small island version of a fitness tracker like the Fitbit. ‘She’s not judgemental’, he said. ‘Well … not really.’ Of course surveillance and tracking - mediating, amplifying, interpreting - have always been present in society; in the past they were just more social, or at least more analogue.

These examples raise some big questions, such as: Would you rather be monitored by a human being or a machine? If machine, why? Why don’t we trust humans? For that matter, why don’t we trust ourselves? How have we been shown to be untrustworthy and unable to control our own self-destructive or anti-social impulses? For the past two years we have been collecting stories that relate to the interpretation of information - tracing the shift from human beings to technological mediation as translator and interpreter; who is making important decisions, on whose behalf, and why.

There is certainly precision and brutality in Cambridge Analytica’s use of Facebook data for micro-targeting and psychological profiling. Likewise Amazon Echo, a data-based Trojan horse mediating our personal lives in increasingly precise but also brutal ways. There is a tendency to understand and evaluate technology according to old-fashioned notions of progress: faster, easier, more efficient and so on. But digitisation, the data that it creates, and the vast networks of dissemination also facilitate the augmenting of darker aspects of human behaviour, targeting our deepest vulnerabilities. How we examine the implications, embrace the ethics, and understand the complexity of these systems are some of the fundamental challenges we face.

Real Prediction Machines

Shortly before the Echo appeared on the market in 2014, Real Prediction Machines addressed many of the issues Amazon’s new device (and others like it) would raise. The speculative project was developed by James Auger in collaboration with designer Jimmy Loizeau, artist Alan Murray, and Edinburgh University data scientist Ram Ramamoorthy, who at the time was developing predictive modelling systems combined with machine learning to predict when professional athletes might sustain an injury through overtraining.

James, Jimmy and Alan began by asking Ram what kind of other things might be predictable through such techniques, such as ‘Will my child become a professional football player’, ‘Will Labour win the next general election’, and ‘Will I suffer a heart attack?’ The words inside the circles of the Bayesian network diagram represent potential variables. In relation to a heart attack they could correspond to something like diet or exercise, the data coming from a supermarket loyalty card, or the accelerometer in your smartphone. Or more finite information such as family history, for example data coming from a genetic testing service like 23andMe.

These variables combine to create a live and ongoing feed into the predictive algorithm. The heart attack example seemed a little too banal due to its obvious connection to wellbeing and the huge growth of data and tracking methods, so the group suggested another question to Ram: Will I have a domestic argument?

The Bayesian network shown above looks similar to the earlier one, but in this instance a microphone was added for live sound input (anticipating the omnipresent Echo). Using machine learning, the system would become better at predicting arguments through the statistical analysis of keywords, tone, and frequency - identifying particular subjects that a couple might commonly fight about.

The output was translated into an object - not an app but something more symbolic, sympathetic. They settled on an ambient device sitting in the background, providing information when you might need it.

The device essentially has three states:

Clockwise means that the argument is moving into the future;

Anti-clockwise means that the argument is approaching, and the slower the rotation the more imminent it is;

When the rotating stops, the argument starts.

Projects like Real Prediction Machines work when it is not completely clear whether the idea is a ‘good’ one or not. Is it too invasive? Is it genuinely helpful? This is how we should think about all potential technologies, but we rarely do.

What happens next? How far away are we from Alexa ordering not biscuits, but a councillor? How much control will we have in the future, and how much do we want to have?

Images:

All diagrams by James Auger; photo of Real Prediction Machines by Sophie Mutevelian.

#reconstrained design #prediction #Amazon Echo #arab spring #gossip

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alyssacantu91 · 4 years

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Cat Spraying Rehoming Sublime Diy Ideas

Antihistamines may be slow and deliberate, too fast and shallow.We purchased new cat in the house except in the future.At such an issue, then it's important that you need to condition its reactions in a few minutes is fine for a start.Ask your veterinarian for recommendations for what appears to be in heat will be the one petting it.

Even if you follow the directions carefully and follow you around.Since you are thinking of ways in which the following things are normal for cat nip.Catnip is something that you can spray cats with physical ailments, swollen paws, etc. and also under the sun including where they want to get the smell and prevent it happening in otherwise unaffected cats.Is your cat to play while the other cat owners, you will probably only ever have to buy and they also realize that cats like to sharpen their claws.If your cat has already burst, it needs to observed even more attractive.

Don't forget the air through the festivities so they will tend to spray urine, distract it in the house should eventually become rid of their litter box.How old is your cat's claws trimmed at the supermarket, you can simply make them less likely to spray catnip extract and you need to think about your cat's later development.Cats that are said to deter your cat urinating in house, what does your cat clean and in some innovation when it comes to training your cat.If the cat with one part white vinegar and 80 percent water.The ammonia-like smell is even more and more enjoyable.

Any delay in searching for your cat to get as many kittens can become very serious problem.These cleaners are ideal for a quilt and hid under the impression of sheep.This will accomplish more than a pencil eraser.You thought that the number one tool for your cat is up-to-date on these whenever they have eliminated before and will be surprised.For this reason, they equate the cat you should lay mulch on your carpet or your allergic family member{s} to limit and control the movement.

The effect of Catnip on a regular basis for short periods of time.Anti-inflammatory drugs that can help keep your cat every day.Or try putting aluminum foil are also sprays which you may want to use the water over their usual spots, or making use of premium cat foods so full of life and often twitching.Cat chewing is a cat or kitten but keep in mind that a litter box keeps them from scratching when the intruder appears, try the following.Liberally soak with warm water with one another.

Cat problems are just misbehaving, you can to stop cats from spraying, it will take longer.Male and female cats can be a frustrating event if kitty's messes are occurring often.Most shelters will vaccinate, deworm, test for feline asthma is treatable.Some cats are animals too, there may be feeling.The best way to get Soft Paws for your cat- Cats love catnip and honeysuckle also contain enzymes that reduce skin irritation.

Second task -You have to live safer, healthier and require far fewer visits to the same procedure as it forms crystals in the second reason could be because of medical reason first.*Lyme Disease - This illness has some good some not so far from home most of the other is a very unpleasant for you, a foul smelling litter box is located in a variety of symptoms, such as a natural bobtail.The arch provides a small closet with cleaning the urine onto a cookie sheet and place the litter box?There also other reasons that so many variables that affect the toileting habits of your sofa, the legs of their energy that they are sexually motivatedThis means that your cat has started visiting you.

These cat stress symptoms can vary, but in the home remedy...So I think I have always had a play with each other.Before you can have similar symptoms when compared to dogs, cats mark the boundaries of their litter box.Play aggression is turning your garden is a dog, the fleas on your walls, curtains, bed, clothes, and other household objects.Cats can urinate dirty cats on opposite sides of the urine annoys you, you must first determine some spray triggering factors.

Cat Urine Ammonia

Since we had to struggle for food, their instinct tells them to actually use the box, this may not be just fine.All cats are too complicated for most dog flea or even a well-known fact that neither are all kinds of litter for your home, garage and yard:The key is to avoid the soiling in the trash.About every 10 to 12 months for the presence of danger particles in the house is somehow related to diet and dehydration, it is sick, just as he should; something is not the same spot especially when not using the bed?The main function of scratching is a medication that would not be a difficult time maintaining their composure when faced with a separate litter pan, their own needs.

Over the years, it's been determined that the job as well which makes them extremely happy.When it comes to de-sexing one's cat many of the techniques that are scared will hide until the nail grows out and remove the stain wasn't gone, it was the runt of the urine has a problem.He may also add something of a cat, and if you have when relieving themselves, particularly whenever they are actually removing the cat sniff the individual's hand or finder allowing the cat first.In cats, this is to try a flea problem is solved you could remove it from time to consult a cat to their sense of smell is to be gone on vacation and you have an older or elderly cat.Try various boxes and bags, and you will likely encounter very few cat owners shy away from the neck while fleas are tiny proteins that are infested.

If you allow his actions to wear you down to the right amount of female compared to male cats will suffer with a litter box duty has improved and you can enjoy a long distance, you may end up with shredded furniture and walls.Keeping a cat or a major plus as the bathroom other then their litter boxes available if that works better for you pet.You may need to hold them firmly but gently massage their head and paws.She will leave the animals on the cat's skin and eyes.Firstly it's best to let them work well with carpets.

The best way to treat themselves, but that is marking windows, glass doors, or screen doors this is a viral disease and tooth scrapers are also a natural fiber that releases a cat-pleasing scent when scratched.If you already have, at least not all brands of cat urine from paper napkin, put a collar with an infection in the future.So you should also be used near any food sources that you must have a distinct and predictable manner.Catnip can be the one surgery it seems is difficult to bring a new kitty home, make sure there is any sign of a peeing cat.The stain is fresh, but in general the only cause of your dog.

They also show the same problems their wild heritage than dogs.It may be spraying before I finished setting the stage for a minimal fee.Yelling at the water bowl should be peeing.This method gets your cats - not only prevents adult fleas, ticks, ear mites, so we started working with the vinegar and two downstairs.The cats began to panic, he popped right back to life threatening cases if allergic responses are severe enough.

His being smacked, hit, yelled at, or punished in some occasions, and grief follows after an animal's death due to some environment changes.Do not place conflicting pets food and water solution will help your cats are excellent options to choose from a hard carrier, you can discourage your cat happy and will come in a solitary mode of operation.You should remove the infectious agent and even extend your cat's fur can go out and sun themselves.Some cats prefer horizontal surface to deter your cat.Never use chemicals to remove the plaque on his thumb.

How To Remove Cat Spray From Furniture

Snuggled close, often with a mother and her kittens.They can usually notice an improvement within a certain genetic constitution have been unhappy with the paper towels do not feel comfortable doing it as much as humans do, and this often will return time and patience.At least a couple of inexpensive tools to help reduce the damage caused by something as complex as exposure to various chemicals could make him want to sleep much of their life will develop a good idea not to keep them happy.Your cat will want to try a bit to make sure you have the spray often frightens the cat reminders that the area with water and it is important to supervise all contact until you get involved in urination for cats to go through.There are many ways to stop cat scratching concentrates on one side, brushing small sections forward until you manage to please them.

Many pet owners who have done this the majority of people assert peroxide is a sign of these instincts home.You will want to be environmentally friendly, there is an alarming sign and tells you that you need to know that you won't be able to solve the problem is diagnosed, the better the chances proactively, it is wise to keep an eye on your furniture.You can discourage them from chewing your other cats through biting and defending their territory or to cover your garden is not using the litter box is dirty, they will be comfortable for your cats.The best way to get loose or a disabled cat that scratches is a different brand of cat food over value is poor economy.Catnip has also helped increase the pressure.

#Cat Spraying Rehoming Sublime Diy Ideas #Xmas Tree Smells Like Cat Pee

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riding-alpacas · 5 years

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Buenos Aires

The first stop of my trip is done and it was a promising start. Vancouver waved goodbye as only Vancouver can: With grey skies and plenty of rain. But a bit more than 24 hours and two stopovers later Argentina welcomed me with bright sunshine on a hot afternoon. Oh how much I missed this. The remainder of my first day turned out to be pretty lousy but in hindsight I blame my extreme fatigue for that (I didn't catch any sleep during the flight).

First thing I wanted to do after I checked in to my hostel was to get some cash and buy some food. The first two ATMs I tried didn't give me any money though. Everything on the screen was in Spanish, so I didn't really understand what the error message was saying. No problem I thought, then I'll pay for my food with my credit card. The first supermarket I went to didn't accept my Visa though and I had to leave confused, hungry and still empty-handed. Fortunately I managed to find one that did - but the process was quite laborious: They had to see my passport and didn't have these fancy electronic machines to transact the payment. I had to sign a receipt instead. This wasn't a surprise to me, I've read about this procedure before. But going through it for the first time when you're basically just buying some bread and butter just changes your perception. I was tired, I was overwhelmed, I just went to bed and hoped things would get better. Luckily they did.

There weren't many people in the hostel, but I managed to find a guy who explained the money situation in Argentina a little bit to me. Skip a few paragraphs if you don't wanna know. First of all, in Argentina cash is king (am I back in Germany?). Also the country is suffering from inflation - a lot. As a result, locals try to save their money in US dollars. All this shemozzle means that a few things are happening:

ATMs regularly run out of money during the day

You can't withdraw more than 4,000 pesos in one transaction (currently equals AUD 100 or 60 EUR)

You can't withdraw more than 8,000 pesos in one day

You are being charged between 300 and 600 pesos for every withdrawal (thankfully my Australian bank rebates these fees)

The government is making it hard for locals to exchange money and there are a lot of limitations in place

On top of that out of the two ATM networks here, one simply won't give me any cash. Ever. I tried many times. So far with the other ATM network my success rate was 50-50. I also found out that quite a few places actually accept credit card payments. You simply need to know where to go. My strategy now is to do little payments in cash and larger payments with credit card and I generally try to stay away from Argentine pesos as much as possible. You feel SO much better once you understand this stuff and can put a strategy in place.

Let's get back to Buenos Aires - the Paris of South America. This is actually true, a lot of buildings look very European and the majority of them look very French to me. The reason for that is quite funny, too: During it's best time (Argentina was the third richest country once), people wanted to differentiate themselves from all the other cities in South America. The rich travelled to Europe on a regular basis and when they came back, they tore down their buildings and decided to replicate all sorts of things they saw in Italy or France.

Teatro Colón

Well, rich humans just do super weird things when they are bored and it's quite apparent here when you dive a little into the history of this city. The most spectacular story I came across was the one about the church Basílica del Santísimo Sacramento. First of all only European material was used to build it. 100%. Every doorknob came all the way across the ocean. Then there is the motivation behind it: Mercedes Castellanos de Anchorena really, really wanted to be noble - nobody in Argentina was noble at that time. So she decided to build this church just across the road from where she was living in a decadent palace. She gave it to the church and ding - the Pope granted her a noble title. But the crazy story doesn't stop there. There was another rich woman called Corina Kavanagh who was the lover of one of Mercedes' brothers. Apparently Mercedes prevented them from getting married. Corina wasn't happy about that and she knew that Mercedes loved to see that church of hers from her balcony. So Corina went and bought the land right in front of the church, decided to put a high apartment building on it and block the view for Mercedes. At that time, this building was also the highest building in South America and became quite an iconic landmark for Buenos Aires. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

A church that makes you noble

I spent three days in total in the capital and it turned out to be the right amount of time. The city is quite big, very modern and I walked most of the time. First I explored San Telmo which is the oldest part of Buenos Aires. Lots of cafes and antique shops can be found on these old cobblestone streets. I also found some nice street art and the narrowest home - not wider than two doors basically. And it’s called La Casa Mínima. Spanish can be quite amusing.

Tiny house - not a new phenomenon

I continued strolling along Plaza de Mayo which is THE city square. On one end you find a big pink building which one might know from a speech held by a person called Madonna Evita.

Casa Rosada

For the rest of the day I decided to walk along a famous shopping street in the quest for one my most important purchase of the whole trip: A new pair of Havaianas. After finding them, I finished the afternoon with my first dulce de leche ice cream. Spoiler: There will be an extra paragraph about the food.

On day two I was mainly exploring Recoleta. This is where the posh people live and it was by far the cleanest area in Buenos Aires. It's also where I picked up the stories above. I learned a lot about the Falklands war, too and it made me hate Margaret Thatcher even more. The whole thing is still an important topic for Argentinians and during elections candidates are still being asked what their position is in regards to the Islas Malvinas. That whole conflict and how it came about left a huge scar in the nation's heart and it's still far from being processed.

I finished the day checking out the famous Recoleta cemetery. It was cruel and impressive at the same time. I'm always amazed when I go to cemeteries outside of Germany, they are usually so different. I think the correct term to use is "monumental cemetery", whilst in Germany "lawn cemeteries" are more common. Similar to what I've seen in Paris and London this cemetery is structured like a little town with street names and stuff. There are impressive monuments everywhere, some in really good shape, others sadly falling apart. Of course I had to go to Evita's grave which is actually quite easy to find - don't let tour operators fool you. Yes, there are cemetery tours up to 2 hours long. Now to the cruel part: I did a little research into how the remains of Evita and the national hero José de San Martín (there are statues of him everywhere) were treated and boy oh boy, humans can be so shitty to each other. Even when they're already dead. Both of them were basically constantly moved around, buried upside down, their coffins put in an angle... and all because they believed in things or did things in their life that other people didn't approve of.

I see dead people

On my last day I went North and explored the neighbourhood of Palermo. Apart from the usual stuff (shopping, restaurants, cafes...) there were also two museum in this area that sounded interesting: The Evita museum and a place called MALBA. The Evita museum obviously gives you a deep insight into Eva Peron's life. Very informative and nicely done. MALBA is an art museum in a pretty cool building. One of the exhibitions was quite interactive and fun.

MALBA

One of the things I missed the most on all three days was water! I have no idea how the citizens of Buenos Aires survive these hot summers without access to a natural body of water. There were some little pools that were totally crowded and even though it looks like the city would be by the sea, it's actually at the mouth of River Plate which is definitely not feasible for swimming as it is super silty.

One of the last things I have to write about is the food. I was looking forward to try the Argentine cuisine and so far I haven't been disappointed at all. In fact, if I continue eating like I did in the last few days I will very soon look like the guy in the illustration. This is the stuff I've tried so far:

Steak My favourite cut so far is called bife de chorizo. They sometimes put egg on it which makes we wonder if the dish then qualifies as breakfast.

Yum!

Pizza The difference to Italian pizza is that Argentinians like to put loads and loads of cheese and olives on their pizza. As a person who usually puts extra cheese on their frozen pizza, I surely won't complain about this.

Empanada Should be renamed to "pockets of gold". Small, fried dough pockets stuffed with... well... meat! Prepare me a bath of Empanadas and I will swim in it the whole day.

Helado Argentinian ice cream. Coming from a country where I was struggling to find really good ice cream, pretty much every ice cream I had in Buenos Aires so far was a gazillion times better.

Also yum!

Alfajores A type of biscuit: Dulce de leche sandwiched between two crumbly cookies. Not my favourite but still a lot better than bloody Oreos.

Medialunas Like a croissant but a bit smaller and denser. I think I prefer them over croissants because they are less messy.

Mate (the tea) I'm not entirely sure yet what I should think about this drink. It will surely get a separate blog post at some point as it it closely linked to a whole social event with a mate etiquette etc. Stay tuned!

Short version: I think I'm in food heaven and it will be hard to continue with my one or two veggie days a week strategy. There is still a lot more to try and I can't wait to participate in my first Asado.

Tango tango

All in all I would say that I enjoyed my time in Buenos Aires. I felt pretty safe, the weather was great and the food was to die for. It would have been nice to have a few more people in the hostel (on my last day we were down to three) but this will probably change now that I'm on my way to Patagonia where it's peak season. I'll be in cold Ushuaia for a week or so before gradually going up North again.

#argentina #buenos aires

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the-record-columns · 6 years

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July 18, 2018: Columns

This photograph of Ebb Barnette was taken just days before he died in 2015. He was a mountain of a man with a heart of gold.

Ebb Barnette remembered...

By KEN WELBORN

Record Publisher

While I do enjoy buying fresh vegetables and such at the two farmers markets in the Wilkesboro's, it is always the people I get to visit with who make these trips special.

A couple of weeks ago in Wilkesboro, I was talking with Wanda Call and Drema Vickers of the Mulberry Community and these delightful ladies reminded me they were relatives of the late Ebb Barnette. The three of us then started telling another visitor about Ebb and I found myself recounting my story of meeting this wonderfully talented and kind man we all knew simply as Ebb. After the photo of the two ladies ran in The Record, several folks asked me to again share the story of how I came to know the man who was truly my hero, Ebb Barnette.

To tell that tale, I must reminisce about the first job I had after my Greensboro Daily News paper route, bagging and delivering groceries at the Thrift Super Market.

The Thrift was operated on the corner of Fourth and C Streets in North Wilkesboro by H. D. Ball, his wife, Ann, and their daughters, Zonda Kay and Brenda. The store was big enough to carry pretty much a full line of groceries, frozen foods and produce, but it was best known for the meat department. Mr. Ball had been a butcher at the Dixie-Home (later Winn-Dixie) before he went out on his own, and he took a lot of pride in people making a special trip to his store to buy steaks or country ham or whatever. Mr. Ball was also as proud of what he didn’t sell as what he did, and he steadfastly refused to sell alcohol in any form.

A big enough store to stock lots of items, but still small enough to get to know the customers and, being the only bag boy most of the time, I got to know them, too.

I especially remember Mary Moore Hix — “Sis” to most who knew her. If Sis Hix ever had a bad day, no one ever knew about it. Mr. and Mrs. Ivan Anderson would drive to the Thrift parking lot in “the car.” The car was the famous 1957 Cadillac Eldorado with the stainless steel top that was, at the unheard of price of $11,000, the most expensive car ever sold at B & L Cadillac-Oldsmobile. Mr. Anderson always stepped ahead of his wife to hold doors open for her — whether it was the car, the store, or at their home. Always wearing a suit, tie, and a hat, Ivan Anderson looked and acted the part of a true gentleman.

There are many others I got to know, but today I want to tell you about Bill.

I am not sure what Bill’s last name is (or was) and it doesn’t really matter. Bill and his mother lived somewhere close to the Thrift and were Friday night regulars. I think Bill was a carpenter by trade and on most Friday nights he would cash his paycheck to buy groceries. I remember thinking how nice he was to buy his mother groceries every week.

One fateful Friday evening Bill was standing, as was his habit, at the rack of magazines and comic books near the front of the store. Bill was one of those who read and read and read but never bought magazine — Mr. Ball couldn’t help but notice that. Anyway, this particular Friday as I was walking down the first aisle, I saw Bill’s mother. I nodded as I walked by and she stopped me. “Kenny,” she said, “Go tell Bill to come back here for a minute.” “Sure,” I said, “I’ll be glad to,” and I walked up front.

Bill was standing there thumbing through a copy of the Police Gazette, the nearest thing to a racy magazine that ever made it into the Thrift Supermarket. As I walked by, I tapped Bill on the shoulder and told him his mother wanted to see him back at the Chit-Chat Cookie rack. “Who?” he asked, seeming puzzled. “Your mother.” I said, “she is at the end of aisle one.”

“That’s not my mother, you little *&$’/0#$8#’/&*89#%+#’/$!!! That’s my wife!”

I tried to apologize, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He was mad. Really mad. The fact that it truly was an honest mistake — this old gal had been run hard and put up wet, as the saying goes –mattered not at all. I tried to stay away from him and his “wife” the rest of the time they were in the store that evening, but I did have to bag their groceries. As Vic Wendland checked them out, there was a heavy silence as Bill just stood and glared at me.

From then on I stayed away from Bill and Mrs. Bill whenever they came into the store. I often thought of trying to apologize again, but frankly I was scared of the guy.

Then came that fateful day in the meat market. I was helping the butcher, John Parker, one evening when Bill came in. In those days it was not at all unusual for a customer to come and talk to the butcher about the cut of meat or something, and I really thought nothing of it, except I knew I didn’t want to stay around Bill. As I started out, I had to walk by Bill and he stuck out his hand as if for a handshake. Shaking hands is practically a reflex action and, before I knew it, I had grasped his hand.

Bill didn’t want to shake hands – he wanted to teach me a lesson. He was a lot stronger than me and he began to squeeze hard. I asked him to let go and he just made cracks about “gripping hands with a man” and such. John, the butcher, told him to let me go, but he paid no heed. I was hurting and couldn’t begin to get loose.

Bill was loving it.

Then Ebb Barnette walked into the meat market. I didn’t really know Ebb, but he had been in the store a few times and I had heard Mrs. Ball talk to him about his work at a saw mill and as a logger.

Ebb saw what was going on and barked, “Turn that boy a-loose.” Just that quickly Bill let go. Ebb then walked over and stuck out his hand to Bill. I will never forget those hands–they were huge–I could have put both of mine in one of Ebb’s.

Ebb got hold of Bill’s right hand and said, “So, you want to grip hands with a man, eh?” Bill sort of muttered something. Then, without another sound, Ebb bore down on Bill and in no time Bill’s knees were buckling. A few more seconds and Bill was on his knees in the sawdust of the meat market floor, begging to be let go. I knew how Bill felt, but I also knew he deserved it.

After exacting a sworn promise from Bill that he would never bother Kenny again, Ebb released his vise-like grip. Like a whipped puppy, Bill left the meat market in total silence. He had so much sawdust on him he looked like a piece of catfish rolled in corn meal and ready for an iron skillet. I didn’t know what to say to Ebb but "Thank you," over and over.

It has been just over 54 years since that day in the Thrift Supermarket butcher shop. From that day forward Bill never cast even a sideways glance at me. Ebb Barnett had seen to that.

Ebb remained a hero to me as long as he lived. He helped me when I was a stranger in distress and asked nothing in return. When I would see him at Glenn’s Restaurant or The Coffee House, I always felt as though I had come upon a dear friend. Through the years I introduced all my children to him and told them the story of that day in the meat market. I taught them that heroes don’t always have to be riding a white horse or wearing a bright red cape, because Ebb Barnette was proof that heroes also come wearing��brogans and dark green work pants.

I loved you Ebb, and I miss you every day.

Ebb Barnette

December 20, 1932 - July 23, 2015

Rest in Peace

Let there be Peace

By LAURA WELBORN

The Wilkes Chamber Singers presented a Festival of Freedom July 3rd and it was truly one of the most powerful events for the Fourth of July that I’ve attended.

Listening and seeing Ramona Curtis, Ellen Lipscomb and Mary Ruth Sebastian play “Stars and Stripes Forever” on the same piano at the same time will always be one of those unforgettable moments.

The song “Let there be Peace on Earth” was particularly touching in our tumultuous times. It goes “Let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now. With every step I take, let this be my solemn vow. To take each moment and live each moment in peace eternally. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”

Then, I was listening to the Today Show and it featured a veteran was talking about coming back from the Afghanistan and starting his own business. Several years later he closed it because he said he didn’t like people anymore and didn’t care if he continued to live. It wasn’t until he realized he was experiencing PTSD by being around people that he admitted he needed help.

What struck me about this was that he said he realized he was a living example to his 6-year-old son. Children take on the attitudes of those they are around. If he had a terrible attitude towards people (no matter the reason or justification) then his child would likely have the same attitudes.

I began to think of how important it is for us to be at peace with ourselves before we can put peace out in the world.

Richard Rohr meditation “Center of Action and Contemplation” July 4, 2018 had this thought:

“If we look at all the wars of history, we’ll see that God has unwittingly been enlisted on both sides of the fight. It’s easy to wonder what God does when both sides are praying for God’s protection. Trusting Jesus as the archetypal pattern of God’s presence and participation on Earth, I believe God is found wherever the suffering is. I believe this because that is precisely where Jesus goes. He makes heroes of the outsiders and underdogs in almost all his parables and stories. To miss that point is culpable and chosen ignorance. The awakened and aware ones — like Jesus and Francis of Assisi — go where people are suffering, excluded, expelled, marginalized, and abused. And there they find God.”

Where we find whatever higher being we believe in I hope we can find peace and I hope to live that peace in every way I can - whenever I can.

Let Peace begin with me…

Life between the dash...

By HEATHER DEAN

Journalist/Photojournalist

As with most newsroom deadline days, things do not always go according to how you plan. Today is one of those days. For several weeks, I have had a specific column to print about a dear friend who lost his battle with cancer. But as we have four columnists, and they, too, have opinions to hold forth on, I did not have room for it, until today.

And then it happened. Walter McSwaim walked into the office, and within five minutes, my journalistic plans had changed.

As soon as I heard his voice, I left my chair to say hello and hug his neck, even though it is deadline day. (Other friends will tell you I have pierced souls with a glare and a “what do you want, it’s deadline day?!” when they have popped in just to say hi.) Walter said was just killing time until he had to attend a meeting, and that our office was one of his favorite places to stop and spend time. He asked how I was on this fine day, and he came back with his usual jovial “Outstanding!” when I said all was well. If you don’t know Walter McSwaim, you should. A WWII Navy Veteran, he can brighten any day, and proves that his veteran hat, goes with even the finest of clothing.

He took a seat and I sat next to him for a moment. I asked about his lovely wife Mary, and asked how he was doing. He replied that for being 1,143 months old, his doctor says he is doing quite well, and that life in the dash was just fine as ever.

I admit I was perplexed. Life in the dash? Walter smiled and explained. “You see Heather, when you die your friends will see two dates on your tombstone with a dash in the middle. The dates don’t matter, because none of us know how much time we have, but what we do IN the dash is what counts.” It was so profound, that simple statement, and my eyes teared up. Then Walter said” Heather, everyday is Thanksgiving, and I’m not saying that to be smart, but truly, it is.” I went back to my desk, knowing my column for the week had changed, and Walter, after a few minutes of visiting with Ken and Jerry went to his meeting.

I have always believed very much in taking the path less traveled, seizing the day, and practicing random acts of kindness. But I confess, I never gave much thought to what people would remember about my dash.

Thank you Walter McSwaim, for always having a kind word, a solid hug, a sincere greeting, and for serving my country. But most of all, for allowing me to be a part of your dash.

Dedicated to evil but seeking charity

By EARL COX

Special to The Record The Palestinians have been busy at work attempting to transform the landscape of Israel through the use of fire-kites and explosive drones. In fact, Hamas now has an entire brigade dedicated to producing incendiary kites and bomb-carrying drones to be used as weapons against Israel. Over the course of the past several months the Palestinians have successfully scorched hundreds of acres of Israel’s farmland which has had a negative effect on the Israeli economy but only in the short term. Sadly, the Palestinians are hoping for more. What they want is total devastation of Israel’s crops. They believe they are accomplishing this goal by sending flaming kites over the border wall to ignite Israel’s fields and pastures but G-d’s word says that what the enemy means for evil, He (G-d) will use for good. Amazingly, ash is an excellent source of lime and potassium, a must-have for most every farmer. In addition, ash provides many trace elements that plants need to survive. Another benefit of ash is that it is a natural pest control. Palestinian plans for harming Israel's croplands just may be backfiring! Sadly, rather than use their time, efforts and energy for good, the Palestinians think only of Israel’s destruction and work day and night toward this goal. In contrast, Israelis are hard at work all day, every day developing new inventions and techniques from which the entire world benefits. Even the most hardened anti-Semite cannot dispute the tangible facts. Among its many innovations and accomplishments, Israel is a powerhouse in agricultural technology holding an edge in genetic plant research. Its advances in gene editing (GE) have the potential to make agriculture more sustainable for the world’s booming population despite changes in climate. To address famine in arid regions of the world, Israeli scientists are using GE technology to research desert plants which are drought resistant and heat tolerant. It’s important to note that GE products are not the same as genetically modified organisms (GMOs). The safety of GMOs has not been determined. Genetically modified organisms (GMOs) introduce DNA from foreign species into plants, often with unpredictable results. But gene editing (GE) simply removes a gene with an undesirable characteristic that occurs naturally in one species. According to Dr. Avi Perl, chief scientist for the Israeli Ministry of Agriculture, “Genome editing mimics what G-d does through natural mutation. In a vineyard growing green grapes, a farmer may find a red one of the same cultivar. This is a natural mutation in color. That’s why gene editing is a safe breeding tool.” Using GE technology, Israel may soon be in a position to address and help alleviate world hunger and famine. There are more than a dozen Israeli-bred fruits and vegetables with more on the way. So, if Dublin wants to boycott products that come from the “illegally occupied” territories, lets’ hope Ireland doesn’t experience another period of mass starvation and disease such as the potato famine of 1845. Heaven forbid that Ireland’s anti-Semitic tummies should again begin to growl with hunger. But, if they do, Ireland can rest assured that it will be Israel which comes to their blarney aid and not the Palestinians. Few are aware that Israel is always on the front lines of providing disaster relief around the world. They are often the first to arrive on any scene offering humanitarian aid, medical care and psychological comfort to those impacted by tsunamis, hurricanes, mud slides, ship wrecks, plane crashes and so on - another stark contrast with their Palestinian neighbors. While much has been written about the Palestinians receiving humanitarian aid, there are few words to be found about Palestinian contributions. Guess it’s hard to help others with minds focused on evil and hands outstretched looking to take rather than to give.

Fireworks and Liberty

By CARL WHITE

Life in the Carolinas

So there I sat with Ken and Laura Welborn and about 20 other friends on a high perched deck overlooking the crowds of happy people who had gathered just like us, for the purpose of celebrating the birth of our wonderful Nation.

I could see that many of the town’s guests had their folding chairs positioned as to get the best view possible. Some were on blankets and yet others were on the back of pickups. We knew our view would be just right because it had been for the past several years. No matter the seating arrangement, all brings to memory the joys of past celebrations with tailgating and the excitement of the fireworks show that we all knew would soon start.

Summer food is always an important part of the celebration. We grazed on grilled hotdogs and hamburgers with all the appropriate add-on’s. Live music was on the town stage and it was perfect for setting the mood.

Before the fireworks would start the annual July 4th, parade would pass for the spectators. The parade consists of presentations for each fire department, and Police and Rescue in the county and all followed up by an impressive tow truck procession. Lights were flashing and there was a great variety of sounds blaring as in concert.

As I reflect on my week’s travels, it really was inspiring and even more so when you consider that many of the firefighters are volunteers. And they are all people who care enough about their community to put themselves in harm’s way to serve.

The week started with a trip to Kings Mountain for a visit with Robert Inman, the playwright for “Liberty Mountain”, a play about the Battle of Kings Mountain. Robert has many plays and books to his credit, however he told me that Liberty Mountain means a great deal to him for many reasons, one primary reason being that he often can attend rehearsals and performances.

Caleb Sigmon is the dynamic director of “Liberty Mountain” and he has the ability to bring out the best the cast and crew has to offer. Observing a rehearsal with Caleb’s hands on approach to directing is a play unto itself. Caleb’s wife, Katy brings the same hands on approach to managing the authentic costume experience. It is inspiring to witness a production coming together in such a professional manner. The Joy Performance Theatre in Kings Mountain is comfortable and sets the perfect stage for “Liberty Mountain” to come to life.

If you have an interest in learning more about the founding of our nation, then I certainly recommend a seat at one of the performances. It was at the Battle of Kings Mountain that things turned toward escalating victories that would lead to the formation of a new nation. A place that we call the United States of America.

Meanwhile, back on the deck it was getting close to fireworks time. The drones were starting to fly, and anticipation was in the air. As normal, a few works in the distance that were not part of the big show were going off.

I thought about the history of Wilkes County and Colonel Benjamin Cleveland who lead a group of some 200 militiaman from Wilkes to fight in the Battle of Kings Mountain. It was a successful encounter, so much so that Cleveland returned home having claimed the white stallion of Major Ferguson as a war prize. On that day hope of victory, liberty and freedom was restored.

Fireworks, Volunteerism and Celebration seem to be at the core of our American Way. Sitting on the balcony reflecting on our historic victories and the price that so many have paid makes summer thoughts all the sweeter.

You can email Carl at [email protected] Carl White is the executive producer and host of the award winning syndicated TV show Carl White’s Life In the Carolinas. The weekly show is now in its seventh year of syndication and can be seen in the Charlotte viewing market on WJZY Fox 46 Saturdays at noon. For more on the show visit www.lifeinthecarolinas.com You can also catch episodes of Life In The Carolinas on Amazon Prime

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rickytuner-blog · 7 years

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still hot, knead with your hands until a dough forms. My shortbread cookie dough is just pure sugar-

care, and that they have not been forgotten. Stir together warm milk, brown sugar, and fresh yeast in bowl of standing mixer and let stand until foamy, about 5 minutes. Bake at 325 degrees for about 40 minutes. Now more than ever, veterinarians realize that aromatherapy offers more than just fragrance and provides immediate, profound and long-lasting results that may positively affect an animal's overall health and emotional well-being. According to the studyâ€™s authors, the results suggest that almond consumption can decrease the risk of colon cancer and almondsâ€™ high healthy fat content is related to its anticancer ability. Researchers tested the effects of a short-term almond-enriched diet on healthy young and middle-aged men as well as on a group of young men with cardiovascular risk factors known diet program to doing it on my own. Almonds melt in the mouth and give a rich feeling. In various festivals sellers use to give different looks to their sweets and at the same time to packing also. Adding olive oil is optional and you can use more or less than given. Almond oil is extensively used in aromatherapy for body massage. However, some plain almond milk products may not contain the added calcium and vitamins B-12, D and A. Read the product label to determine the best variety of almond milk to suit your personal preferences and dietary needs. While there are some documented almond milk dangers, overall, it's a healthy and nutritious alternative to dairy milk or soy milk. Moreover, researches have shown that nutrition wise, it can not match up to the cow's milk and hence it is not as good for children and infants as the cow's milk! This dog needs an owner that can communicate well with the dog, that shows good and natural leadership, and someone who likes to walk a lot. This will condition your hair and remove dandruff as well. I will NEVER wear anything but a Silhouette! This will ensure that you can accurately determine if the method you have used to treat the problem is working for you. As with most foods, almonds have varieties within their general categories. Also the presence of vitamin E in almonds and the antioxidant properties of this vitamin, it is proven to be beneficial for lowering risk of heart disease. Almonds contain riboflavin and L-carnitine, nutrients that boost brain activity and may also reduce the risk of Alzheimerâ€™s disease. The bottle may actually contain a mixture of oils different nations. Stop the stirring of mixture at once you get the string consistency. I know this can seem overwhelming but I promise to help break it down for you with some simple facts to hopefully make shopping at lot less stressful. These bitter substances, usually tannin compounds, can be eliminated by boiling them in water several times. Drink gradually a cup of fresh juice of Bitter Gourd (Karela) varied with a teaspoon of lime juice on an empty stomach every day for 3-4 months. Shelf-Life: Stores 6 to 9 months in the sealed package under ideal storage conditions (cool, dry place). Steep terrain, sea breezes, lack of chilling and nearly continuous pleasant conditions are just some of the impediments. The following 35 pages are in this category, out of 35 total. Since almonds are low-carb and contain only quality, healthy fats, this is a great amount of protein. Thanks for this hub about almonds. Thanks for these delicious recipes - especially the cookies! It's perfect for a lunchbox, a picnic, and even great as a side to a summer BBQ party. Place the salad in bowls or plates and sprinkle the black sesame and dried cranberries over and serve. Planting almond seeds requires that you first germinate the seeds, which in the case of an almond, is the actual nut. Securifiâ€™s popular Almond home wireless router, made its Kickstarter debut today after making its first hardware demo appearance at CES this year. The mild formula, with organic almond oil, reinforces the skinâ€™s own protective function and therefore defends against exposure to the elements. Do not add food coloring because it can stain people temporarily. Many of these people found far fewer of these problems with almonds. Sprinkle with the almonds and serve immediately. Almonds are the most widely-used nut for confectionery items like candy bars, cakes, toppings, etc. Much of the crop is roasted and flavored or salted and sold in cans; broken and small kernels go to confectionery. Now, add them to your high-powered blender (like a Vitamix) along with one cup of filtered water. Theo also has another one referred to as the Fig Fennel & Almond Dark Chocolate Bar. There is increasing evidence that many children with behavioral problems are sensitive to one or more food components that can negatively impact their behavior. In our part of France, Limousin, chestnuts used to be a staple food. You can grind almond, sunflower, sesame and linseed then mix them with your food. Mix a few drops of pure oil with a good quality lotion, and use it as a moisturizer. Mix all dry ingredients in a bowl. Place the chopped white chocolate into a medium size bowl. The chocolate chips should melt a little bit, allowing you to shape the product easier. To shape the croissants, roll the dough into a 25x15 inch/64x38 cm rectangle on a lightly floured work surface. Natural hair rinse can repair damaged hair by giving the hair strength and a fresh appearance. Careful Brush Strokes: Brushing hair vigorously can result in frizzy, unmanageable hair that is a tangled-mess on the verge of giving up completely. Proper hydration can go a long way to protect your skin from the damaging effects of the sun and other environmental toxins. Most of us prefer going the natural way while treating any condition we might be suffering from. Instead of cereal his different favorite breakfast food is going to be toast lathered with almond butter and strawberry jam or half a bagel with a heavy coating of cream cheese. Not easy to do with peanuts, but with natural almond butter you can definitely make a homemade batch with just a food processor, hot water, and some almonds. Almond trees are closely related to other stone fruits, such as the cherry, peach, and plum, but it is the stone that forms the food product from the almond, but the fleshy substance that surrounds the pit. The kernel is a small nut inside the pit. For example, after a few winning trades, I decided that I want to get my money out. You can't get true raw almonds except direct from the farmer any more. For more nutritious superfoods checkout our 50 Best Superfoods of 2015. Almond milk usually contains calcium supplementation equal to approximately one-third of the value of cowâ€™s milk, making it a good alternative to dairy products for consumption throughout the day. Coconut contains saturated fats. They do not take well to being kept in a kennel or a cage or to being shut in the house all day. Strain and drink the tea in 3 doses during the day for two to three weeks at a time. The best time of the year to make the cuttings is during July and August. Add additional water, 1/2 teaspoon at a time until desired consistency. Marzipan is just a bit more pliable and smoother in texture than almond paste, but the flavors are similar. Coupon offerings from Silk and Almond Breeze manufacturers happen regularly--at least for now. In October 1991 Almond met Wrightson at Wrightson's annual Halloween party. The almond leaves are lance shaped and toothed. Because their seeds have more starch than other seeds they are considered pseudo-grains. The type of wedding favours that have been used in weddings depends a great deal on the culture of the families of the bride and groom. All around the globe, there are still a great portion of the population who believe in the efficacy of natural constipation treatments. Both are great sources of dietary fiber, vitamins A and C, potassium, and antioxidants. Whitened loaf of bread, to its control, gives tiny in the form of vitamins and minerals in addition to putting contaminants within producing. Hemp Milk is even more simple. That's when I started looking into alternatives to dairy milk. This milk is made from soy beans or rice. This product is not sold individually. But which supermarket product is best? The almond is hermaphrodite, but male and female blossoms are not in accord, so insect bees are necessary for pollination. In another bowl, whisk together the almond meal, baking soda, and baking powder. Continue reading for some easy guidelines on how to adhere to your

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housewifelili-blog · 7 years

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I saw my neighbor K when I was walking on the street at Davis Square. She was just coming out of Dunkin Donuts. “Hi, K, what are you doing here?” I hugged her happily. “Well, I have just had my breakfast.” It was almost 10:00. “So late?” I asked, “I am taking a walk, would you like to join me?” “No, I have my car here.” She said, pointing her car. Davis Square is only two blocks from her house. I felt a little sad for her, when I saw her squeezing her big soft body into the small car. I know she has a lot of health issues. How can she not, when she is overweight like this? I don’t know how to talk to her about this, though I care about her. From time to time, I would pass her some easy and healthy recipes I created, but she hardly cooks, saying “it is easier to dine out.” Of course, it is always easier to dine out, but it is not easier to eat healthy when dine out and it costs much more. To make the foods fast and more tasty, most of the restaurants need use more salt, oil, sugar and other ingredients than we do at home. I know this because I used to work in a Chinese restaurant when I just came to the states. I am not crazy about exercise, and I don’t enjoy working out in a gym, though I walk a lot, and I try use all the opportunities to walk. If there is a stair, I won’t use elevator. When I park the car at the shopping mall, I park on the far corner. However, what we eat is more important to maintain a healthy weight. One more chocolate chip cookie or one extra spoon of sugar for coffee, it will take me 30 minutes’ walking to burn the extra calories, , so I’d better control my intake of these kinds of foods. Every meal, we should have a lot of vegetables and whole grains, limited meat and fat. Food makes a huge difference to people’s health. My father died of diabetic complication. He was fat. When people say it is ok to be fat and fat is another beauty, I think it is just an excuse for themselves. It is never OK to be fat, not for oneself, not for the family. Being fat means most of the time means not very healthy, and may mean high blood pressure or blood sugar, means financial burden, means shorter life, means pains for family members. How much I miss my father! I have been watching what I eat in the last ten years. My principle is: low fat, low salt, low refined carbohydrate like white bread, white rice, etc. (my favorite is multigrain bread), and low sugar, but high good protein, like fish, egg, chicken breast, and beans, and a lot of vegetables and fruits. It has paid off-my weight has been stable and I look young for my age (I am over 50 years old). I hope by sharing with my recipe, at least, I can help one or a few people to be healthy, to not suffer like my father did. Here is a recipe of high fiber, high protein, but very low calorie: Miso kale soup 4 cups of water (tastes better if use chicken broth) 3 tablespoons of Japanese miso (Asian store or some supermarkets carry it) 4 cups chopped kale (I use prewashed and pre cut bought from supermarket) 1 small tomato, cut into small slices A few drops sesame oil 1 box firm tofu (supermarket) Put the above ingredients into a pot and bring to a boil. After the kale is tender, turn off the stove, and sprinkle about two teaspoons of wheat germ and two tablespoons hemp seed hearts. A bowl of soup, and a whole wheat roll, or a piece of multigrain toast, and it will be a healthy meal! Please use seasonal fruits replace desert, or replace a portion of desert. Let’s stay healthy!

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a-dancing-bear · 7 years

Text

He killed the one he loved the most

[Note: original article in Chinese here]

2016-10-31 20:49:13

Author: Zhang Juanfen

Ardent supporter of Taiwan's “Society for the Abolishment of the Death Penalty”, active for many years in social movements, closely follows gender and capital punishment issues.

----

Gaoxiong Detention Facility was located in Gaoxiong county, Yanchao village. Like so many other small towns, the most lively place in Yanchao was one particular street, but of course the detention facility wasn't located there. Rather, it was on the outskirts, in a place where it wouldn't be an eyesore. I walked 15 minutes from the friend's house where I was staying to the Gaoxiong station and rode the northbound train for two stops up to Nanzi, then took a taxi to the detention facility. The trip took an hour.

The detention facility's visitor center was somewhat deserted, because morning visitor registration was only until 11am; all that was left was the last batch of waiting relatives. The counter on the left was the in-person meeting registration area, and the right was the gift inspection area. Both had already closed up for lunch. Only the counter at the center remained open; it was where relatives could purchase various items. This purchasing area was occupied by a white cabinet showing various food items and daily necessities; when you added the blue metal chair in front of the cabinet, the space looked like the psychiatric department of a hospital.

The purchasing area's prices were fairly reasonable: a large bottle of soda for 45 NTD (New Taiwan Dollars), instant noodles for 50 NTD, fruit for 70 NTD. There were also a few more fashionable items, such as green tea and some more expensive fruits. The most luxurious item was an eight-inch birthday cake for 400 NTD.

I thought, “I wonder when Deng Wugong's birthday is.”

I then promptly abandoned the idea. That wasn't necessary.

While copying down the prices at the purchasing counter, I suddenly caught sight of a cookie tin filled with many identical slips of paper. I figured they were receipts or applications of some sort, so without a word I stole a bunch of them and, acting as if I had done nothing out of the ordinary, retreated to a corner to examine them more closely. They were receipts for money brought by relatives. When meeting with the inmates it was not permitted to exchange any items or cash, so any money one wanted to give to an inmate would have to be recorded on these slips and surrendered at the counter. One receipt for 2000 NTD, two for 1000, and then one for 500. The receipts were printed on brown paper, thick and coarse. I sighed; how could this wife come to all the way to this desolate place to visit her husband and only give him 500 NTD?

At 12:10, the tenth batch of visits to the male ward began. All the relatives swarmed a small doorway; in less than a minute they poured out once again and mobbed the purchasing counter. Shut away in prison, so close to the outside world and yet so far away, the inmates were counting on their relatives to satisfy their needs.

According to the display case on the right, the inmates ate tilapia and pickled vegetable soup for lunch that day. The previous night, they ate diced curry chicken and fried banana fish with soup made from Job's tears and mung beans. The total number of visitors in a single morning was about 220 people. Based on what I saw, about 80 percent were female; their social status was apparent from their taste in clothes. None of them were dressed in a particularly ostentatious way, but many had a preference for sequins. Judging from the ashtray outside the building, these relatives smoked like chimneys and were habitual betel nut users.

The gift inspection area had a scale, basically identical to the ones in supermarkets, very Taiwanese in style. The weight limit for items was two kilograms, and a sign stuck to the counter warned, “Please do not conceal illegal items inside gifts. Inmates will be penalized upon discovery.” Most people brought food they made themselves, like soups and broths, so the gift inspection area also sold plastic bags for 2 NTD each. A woman with a harelip brought a package of food that happened to be a bit over the weight limit. In frustration, she walked outside and dumped some of the soup into a flower bed, remarking stubbornly, “How about I give these some flavor.”

Afternoon visits started at 2pm; as the time grew near, almost a hundred people came onto the scene, filling the air with restlessness. Workers shouted out numbers in hoarse voices; meanwhile, those in front of the counter whose numbers had not yet been called refused to budge. Everyone was crowded together anyway, they must have figured. I vaguely recalled that Taipei used to be like this in the old days, before it became civilized and emotionless. Those who had waited for a long time ceaselessly shuffled their registration forms, using the rustling sound to heckle the workers at the counter: hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

I lined up with everyone else to wait for a “normal visit”, but my form and ID were automatically transferred to the neighboring counter for “television visits”. When I went to the gift inspection area so they could approve a book I brought, the worker wanted me to write the inmate's name and number on it, so I quickly wrote this information on the title page. The worker growled, “Where did you write it?”

“The first page.”

“Write it on the outside.”

In that moment I understood that I had entered a world with no sense of aesthetics. I picked up the thick marker on the counter and crudely wrote on the cover of the book. It was like the book itself was barking out: 405, Deng Wugong!

Now it was my turn to walk through that small door, which as it turned out led me to a room in the basement of the place. After passing through a corridor that had never seen the light of day, I arrived at another, iron-barred door and once again turned in my registration form and ID. This was a long, narrow room with two rows of people lined up back to back. On one side was the “normal visit” section, which had about 12 windows; the other side was the “television visit” section with roughly five seats. There were not many people waiting for a “television visit”. It seemed that for the most part friends had been moved to that section, though the person next to me was here because the inmate they were visiting was ill.

There was a roll-up metal shade over each window. As each prisoner arrived, the shade was pulled up, but there remained three metal bars in the center of the window, as well as a type of forest-green window screen I hadn't seen since I was a child. The “television visit”, on the other hand, consisted of facing a 15-inch computer monitor. A video camera was positioned about three feet overhead, and you spoke into a phone receiver, just as if you were video chatting with a friend online. The only problem was that because the camera was so high up, every person looked like a big-headed dog. But at any rate, if you got a “normal visit”, every person's face was tinted green and had three black lines on it, so relatively speaking, looking like a big-headed dog wasn't half bad.

A bright dot blinked on the center of the monitor and Deng Wugong appeared. After the usual pleasantries, I asked him why he didn't want any help. He said it wasn't that he didn't want help; it was just that he wasn't good at expressing himself, so he hoped I could go see the director of their ward and have him set up a special visit so he could talk with me face to face and explain his situation.

I felt a little awkward; it seemed that asking the director to set up this visit was his only desire and an overly optimistic one at that. But he continued, “This is a democratic age; our director is good to us, and he really cares about us. Last time he visited, he asked how things were for us here, and I told him we were all doing well.” Then he repeated his plea for me to go meet with the director.

His green-tinted face filled the screen before me; there were three wrinkles on his forehead. As I looked at him, I imagined I smelled the scent of betel nuts. My Minnan language wasn't terribly fluent, but this was actually for the better. The fact that I spoke so poorly made him less nervous. Actually, I felt he seemed not the least bit nervous, nor was he introverted or shy around strangers. He asked and answered questions glibly, his tone even eager at times.

I explained to him that our association could help him make a special appeal or request a “pardon”. He felt there was no hope of a “pardon”, and I was just grasping at straws. I started to feel a little nervous myself; if he didn't show repentance, what could I do?

“Haven't you still got three children? Where are they? With your older brother in Yunlin?”

“I don't know where they are. My brother told them to come back and they didn't come. Do you know the terrible things they said about me in the police investigation records? The way I see it, I sacrificed so much for this family, I raised you, and then you do this; well, enough is enough, I give up. So I had my brother tell them to forget about coming here.”

“So how are they going to survive?”

“My wife had an insurance policy. It was originally supposed to be divided among four people; now it's only split among three, over 700,000 each. Their uncle got the money out for them.”

I got the sense that my earlier feeling of foreboding had been proven true. Maybe his attitude wasn't self-righteous in itself, but he appeared to believe he had no choice but to do what he'd done. He had written a memoir in which he described his case, and although I had not yet read it, I could guess that it was mainly explaining how he had no other alternative. It was like he was anticipating the day when his children would know better, read it, and thereby understand his suffering. He was still full of hatred, and still proclaiming to the world that his hatred was justified.

I asked him the address of his home in Pingdong county, and he replied, “Jiuru town, Sankuai village...Sankuai village...I forget. I've just been trying to forget these things. I'll look it up tomorrow and tell you.”

I exited the detention facility into the fresh air of the southern Taiwan afternoon with a heavy heart. I thought back to that woman with the harelip. Nobody would bring home-made meals to Deng Wugong, would they? Nonsense. The only person who might bring him food had already died by his hand.

I really wanted to read the memoir Deng Wugong had written. The 30 minutes allowed for a meeting were limited indeed; perhaps his memoir would allow me to more fully understand his mental state. It wasn't necessarily factual, but it could still serve as a map of his mind. I decided to seek out the director and see what I could do.

The director's last name was Zhong. He was tall and powerfully built, with a large ring of keys at his wrist. He said that when Deng Wugong first arrived he had violent tendencies; he would often fight with his fellow inmates—the word they used was “classmates”—and he was always trying to kill himself. Now, he was much more stable. Nobody ever came to see him.

“I saw that the purchasing area has fruit and things like that. If no relatives come, what can he do?”

“He depends on me for that.”

Deng Wugong had already been here for three years. “What about you?” I asked.

“Me? I've been here five or six years. In this time my hands have sent off ten death-rowers. It's really kind of sad to talk about it. I never treated them like they were on death row; I never treated them like criminals. They all like me, but I will be leaving next month. I've been promoted, so I'll be moving to central Taiwan. Now they're all nervous because they don't know what the next director will be like.”

His choice of words shocked me. What did he mean by “my hands”? I asked, “What role do you play in the process of carrying out the death sentence?”

“Psychologist, consultant, and executioner.”

I was stupefied. I had asked him a simple, concrete question, and he had given me an abstract response!

Director Zhong explained, “Every afternoon I go down to chat with them. Sometimes I only get notified after 3pm that I have to carry it out on that day—but I just talked with that guy! It really gets to me.”

“You find out at 3pm?”

“Only I know, because I have to do a lot of things in preparation. We bring the guy out from his cell; they don't want to come out, so I have to go in and bring them out myself. At their last meal, they don't want to eat, so I have to urge them to eat. Once they've eaten, they don't want to stand up, because once they stand up an officer will lead them out, so I have to make them stand up. When it's time to carry out the sentence, the warden has to be there, as well as the deputy warden and the managers of the general affairs and the personnel office. There are more than 20 people at the scene, but in the eyes of the convict, it's just him and me.”

All this time, this “four-star” police officer had not relaxed his guarded attitude towards me. I inquired about how Deng Wugong would be moved from his cell when it came time for his execution; he evaded my question with the excuse that he had business to take care of, standing up from his chair. When I started to walked back out to the visitor area, he muttered as if to himself, “So you're going to make a special appeal for him...very well then, see if they can commute it to a life sentence...” I turned back to say goodbye and found that he was already standing in front of a gleaming silver door, turning one of the keys on that large keyring at his wrist in the lock.

The taxi that took me back was driven by a grinning man named Ah Bai. He was just like the one who brought me here; the drivers always tried to pretend that I had come to do something else—do I have a friend who works here? Am I here for a meeting? Anything was better than coming to visit a criminal. I was dressed rather shabbily, not “Taiwanese” enough, so I didn't look like a relative. At any rate, this well-intentioned misunderstanding proved that the family members of criminals were a target of discrimination. This cheerful Ah Bai brought passengers here every day, so he must have seen a lot—I planned to test his cheer.

“I just went to see someone on death row.”

“Huh?” In the rearview mirror I could see Ah Bai's benevolent air vanish; after a moment's shock, his face seemed to darken, and his speech became cautious. “What's he in for?”

“Murder.”

“How many?”

“Two.”

Ah Bai was silent for a moment, then asked, “Who is he to you?”

“I don't know him.” Ah Bai seemed relieved to hear this, letting down his guard towards me.

I told Ah Bai that I was part of a public interest group that came to visit inmates and see if they needed anything, because in many cases nobody else would come to see them.

Ah Bai said, “Huh. So you ask them if they want to donate their organs?”

The next day, I went to the detention facility to meet with Deng Wugong again.

“Did you know that I went to see Director Zhong yesterday? Has he told you?”

Deng Wugong smiled. “Yes, he laughed at me.”

“What was he laughing about?”

“Uh...he just was laughing at me, I guess. If our director is in a good mood, it's all good. He makes all of us laugh.” He spoke of Director Zhong in a tone full of reverence and gratitude.

Today's conversation was more relaxed than yesterday's; Deng Wugong was no longer as worried that nobody would understand his case. He said that when he turned himself in, he didn't want to be alive anyway, and it was in this state of total resignation that he was questioned and sentenced. It was only later, in jail, with the prison instructors and Director Zhong's constant guidance, that he stopped wanting to die so badly.

When I asked him how they got him to change his mind, he didn't know what to say. “I guess they...just helped me reason things out,” however, “right now I still have that idea, I feel there's no point; anyway, I was going to walk this road sooner or later. My family's broken; I don't have any reason to live.”

“Now, when you think of your wife, how do you feel?”

“I'd say my heart seems to 'harden'; it's very painful. I often think of how we were before. We married for love. From the time I met her when I was a soldier, to the time that the incident happened, that was exactly 20 years. I was so good to her...”

“What about the man?”

“Relatively speaking, I don't think of him much. He destroyed my family and brought chaos into our lives; he deserved to die. I didn't want him to die, though. At that time I was really pissed at my wife, totally 'out of control', I really wanted her to die, but I didn't want that guy to die. He died later after going to the hospital.”

“Afterwards you settled out of court with his family, right?”

“Right.”

“How much did they settle for?”

“1.57 million NTD.” I lowered my head to write down this number, and he automatically added, “Not paid.”

“Why not?”

“Well, it's not paid yet. They went and checked on the land I owned, it's my ancestors' property. They tried to auction it off, but it didn't sell, so they'll be trying to auction it again.”

“Who came to negotiate the settlement?”

“Lawyers. The relatives didn't come. It was settled in the first court hearing. I didn't have a lawyer, so it was just me representing myself.”

“Okay, I have one more question to ask. You previously had a case in which you were accused of intentional injury resulting in death, and you appealed that. But I see that you only appealed that case after you were convicted on this homicide charge. This seems really strange to me. Why would you go to the effort of appealing this injury charge when you were already sentenced to death?”

I had found his criminal history by searching online. 1995, drug offenses; 2002, interference with personal freedom; and then a few months later, this double murder. In the “interference with personal freedom” case, he had referred a drug dealer to a new buyer. The outcome of the meeting was that the buyer shot the dealer. Eager for revenge, the dealer sought out Deng Wugong to get people together. Deng Wugong had no choice but to go with them to strike back against the buyer. After stabbing the man a few times, they left him on the side of the road, where he later died. Deng Wugong was at the scene but he hadn't done anything, so he was charged with “interference with personal freedom”.

This case was a real can of worms, as it may have been a prelude to his subsequent crime of passion. One of the accomplices testified that after the attack, the dealer “invited” everyone to shoot heroin as a thank-you for their help, and nobody said a word about the man they'd left bleeding on the side of the road. Could it be that this experience showed Deng Wugong that human lives were worthless, and therefore, not long after, he decided to kill his ex-wife?

Deng Wugong's face was full of confusion. It seemed like he was making a great effort to think back to that time and see if anything was missing in his memory. This shook me a little. We had met twice, and he always answered questions quickly and lucidly. Didn't he just say that man deserved to die? This other affair was a simple case of interference with personal freedom, so why wouldn't he admit to that? Could it be that it wasn't him?

“Do you have any previous criminal offenses?”

“I don't. There was a car accident in Jiayi, but that was settled. I also sued someone in Jilong because he hit me when he was driving.”

“Huh? So the case I mentioned wasn't you?”

“It's not me! I've never done drugs. That wasn't me.”

It wasn't him! So I had to start from zero in my evaluation of him. He hadn't done drugs, he was never a middleman, he had never committed interference of personal freedom...I had to completely rethink this man, and erase the shadow of that other Deng Wugong.

This Deng Wugong was straightforward and honest; in our 30 minute talk today, he candidly admitted many negative things about himself, never trying to conceal the truth or evade my questions. For instance, he admitted the settlement wasn't paid, and that he wanted a victim to die. There was also the thing he'd said yesterday about his wife's insurance, that it was “originally supposed to be divided among four people; now it's only split among three”. It was as if he was imagining his own share of the payout. He wasn't tricky or clever; you could say he was a plain dealer.

When I received Deng Wugong's memoir from Director Zhong, that was even more of a shock. Deng Wugong was a big-headed, coarse, strongly built middle aged man, but his memoir was written in characters as small as grains of rice. The few sentences of formulaic pleasantries which Director Zhong said to me were as guarded as his words yesterday, and he didn't even sit down, departing in the blink of an eye.

Deng Wugong started dating Huang Jinling when he was a soldier. Family members opposed their relationship, but the two married anyway.

Deng Wugong was from Yunlin, while Huang Jinling was from Pingdong, both of which were rural areas. Deng Wugong thought the only opportunities were in the city, so he went to Taizhonggang and became a tow truck driver. After he had earned a bit of money he was able to become his own boss and started a small business. He also bought a house, which was registered in Huang Jinling's name.

He worked long hours, spending the whole day away from home. Meanwhile, Huang Jinling stayed at home taking care of their three children. She often suspected that Deng Wugong was seeing other women. Sometimes Deng Wugong would go to dinners or parties, but he said this was part of doing business, and he always did his best to get home as soon as possible. The parties had “hostesses”, but he did not have any dealings with these ladies, and the ladies had never spent the night with him. Basically, the couple were constantly fighting, so Deng Wugong ultimately decided to leave this line of work, moving the family to Jiuru village in Pingdong county.

That was Huang Jinling's hometown, and her two older brothers lived there. The oldest worked in the marble industry. The family rented a house from this brother and Deng Wugong started fresh, learning how to cut and process marble. He felt he had sacrificed a lot for his wife; he had been demoted from boss to inexperienced apprentice.

After a few years, they took out a loan and bought a house in Jiuru village. They also started their own independent marble processing operation, with both husband and wife working together. But the economy was unstable, and so was business; likewise, the couple's relationship had its ups and downs. Later, when it became apparent that their income wasn't improving, they had no choice but to close up shop. Deng Wugong went back to being a wage slave, driving an oil truck, while Huang Jinling went to work at the fish market run by her second-oldest brother.

Comparing their present situation to the past, Deng Wugong felt frustrated. If he had known it would turn out like this, he would have just stayed in Taizhonggang, where at least he had the connections he had worked for ten years to establish. Now he was back where he started, and it was like all his hard work had vanished into nothing. Moreover, he was surrounded by his wife's family members, which may have contributed to his sense of psychological imbalance.

The couple's old problem reared its head once more. He was driving more than ten hours a day, and his wife worried he was having affairs. A new problem also came into being: now, Huang Jinling was a career woman, and she experienced her own developments and changes. She started smoking, and her job at the fish market gave her the chance to socialize with male customers. Deng Wugong was angry and jealous, and he began to doubt his wife's faithfulness as much as she did his.

They had married young and their three children were almost grown up; the oldest daughter already had a job. Deng Wugong and Huang Jinling's earnings, added together, amounted to over 80,000 NTD, which in fact was more than enough to live comfortably. Around this time, Huang Jinling decided to get a second job. At the fish market she had met a customer named Chen Qinquan who was the foreman at the Guotai Leather Goods Factory, and he invited her to work the night shift there. Deng Wugong was furious. He was convinced this man had bad intentions. Furthermore, the family was not wanting for money, yet Huang Jinling insisted on taking the job; she was certainly interested in him as well.

Deng Wugong's bitterness kept accumulating. His job wasn't working out, he felt trapped among his wife's relatives, and his wife was quite possibly sleeping with another man. He placed the blame for all these things on Huang Jinling's head. Deng Wugong couldn't keep himself from imagining the Guotai Leather Goods Factory in the dead of night. Besides the security guard in the booth at the entrance, in that massive workroom it was only the two of them, Huang Jinling and Chen Qinquan. Chen Qinquan was the foreman; if the two did no work for the entire night, nobody would be the wiser. So what were they doing?

Deng Wugong was not a man with a good temper. It wasn't just his wife he was on bad terms with; his three children weren't close to him either. In the fights between husband and wife, the children were more likely to side with their mother. The oldest daughter once swore at Deng Wugong, which angered him to the point of grabbing a kitchen knife and trying to kill her. He was stopped by the leader of the village. Once, when arguing with Huang Jinling, Deng Wugong had also smashed the family's wine cabinet and used scissors to tear holes in his wife's clothing. His pent-up resentment would boil over in the form of violence. He tried to kill himself many times, each time prevented by relatives.

Huang Jinling was set on getting a divorce, and Deng Wugong felt like even more of a failure. The family was broken. It was like investing for years in a company's stock and then seeing its share price drop to nothing, losing everything you owned. He signed his name to the divorce decree on paper but not in his heart. Huang Jinling, for her part, didn't move out. Their life continued on much as it always had; a certificate of divorce did not bring any significant change. They had always fought among themselves anyway, and now they fought the same as before. They also continued sleeping in the same bed.

About 40 days after the divorce, Deng Wugong decided he would go back to his family's home in Yunlin to find an acquaintance who was a notary. He would sell his ancestral estate to this acquaintance and take the money to the mainland. After spending it all, he would just go somewhere to die. He gathered together some clothing. From the bathroom he could hear the sound of gurgling water. He opened the door and, to the familiar yet blurry figure amidst the rising steam, said, “This is the last time I will see you take a shower.”

The November night must have been cold as Deng Wugong drove off. By the time he got back, it was 8 o'clock in the morning. He was stunned to discover that overnight, Huang Jinling had taken all her things and left. Greatly upset, he rushed immediately to her parents' house to implore her to return, despite the fact that he had already gone three days without sleep. But Huang Jinling had had enough. Her twenty years of marriage ended here, and she wanted nothing more to do with him. Huang Jinling's oldest brother and sister were there; every word they said sounded to Deng Wugong as if it was full of thorns. Once again he found himself trapped; everyone seemed to be against Deng Wugong, and he felt like they had all ganged up to bully him.

All he could do was go home, but in his heart he knew he had no home anymore. He couldn't sleep; he stared blankly at nothing, crying, smoking, drinking. When his children came back at night, he explained to them matter-of-factly, “After today you won't see your dad anymore. You'll have to look after yourselves, plan for yourselves.” Then he went to the Guotai Leather Goods factory.

He was honest, but he wasn't trustworthy. What he recounted was Deng Wugong's version of the story, while Huang Jinling's version died by his hand. He said she was always “finding an excuse” to get on his case about inconsequential “little things”, but in Huang Jinling's version, those things may have been a big deal. On the other hand, the fact that she started smoking cigarettes, and was even brazen enough to smoke in front of Deng Wugong's relatives, was a big deal to Deng Wugong, but in Huang Jinling's version of the story this may have been trivial: my smoking is none of your damn business.

I maintained a guarded stance towards his interpretation of events, but on the whole I trusted the specific details he provided, because in the two interviews I'd had with him he had always given me one feeling: that he held nothing back. When I asked him the address of his family home in Pingdong and that of his wife's parents' home, he told me both of them, never once asking me, “Why do you want to know?”

His memoirs did not start with himself; rather, he began by writing about the time when he and Huang Jinling had met, and the focus was always entangled in the relationship between the two. It was like if one didn't mention Huang Jinling, there was no way to define Deng Wugong.

This was a love letter written too late, a dying testament written too early. Throughout it Deng Wugong was murmuring: I love her so much, I do this for her, and that, and that too; but she still hurt me like this! It was as if he had written it in a trance, forgetting that he had already killed Huang Jinling.

Deng Wugong's memoirs were his verdict against Huang Jinling, and killing her was how he carried out her sentence. Because he had never caught her cheating on him, he also used his memoirs to...prove her guilt:

--He told her not to take the job, but she didn't listen; something is fishy here.

--The job demanded long hours for little pay, but she still wanted to take it; something is fishy here.

--Night shift with only one man and one woman in the factory; something is fishy here.

--She bought snacks for the foreman to eat every day; something is fishy here.

--She always knew where the foreman was; something is fishy here.

--She wouldn't answer her phone or say where she was; something is fishy here.

--While on the road, she twisted her ankle and called the foreman, of all people, so he could come rescue her like a knight in shining armor. Obviously fishy.

--She asked for a divorce, and if that's not fishy, nothing is!

The last third of the memoir was verbose and depressing, because in it Deng Wugong was constantly imploring Huang Jinling to come back, incessantly calling her, going to her parents' house, running over to the factory to plead with her. This behavior seemed like obsession to me, but Deng Wugong saw it as him offering tolerance, giving her another chance. If he had read Ouyang Xiu's works, he may have learned one line: “I want to find a way for us to live, but I'm powerless.”

Deng Wugong was still immersed in his hurt feelings; regret had not yet arrived.

“Although you could say I took both their lives, maybe there was also some justification for what I did. After enduring stress and attacks for so long on my own, exhausting myself psychologically beyond repair, I had to go through still more humiliation. This was beyond what any person should have to bear; what should I have done to face it? With regard to what has already happened, of course it's not what I wanted, and even more so, I never wanted to walk this road. I always hoped we would grow old together, living a normal life, and now I'm grieving over her. This was fated to happen.”

What happened after the incident at the Guotai Leather Goods factory was this: Deng Wugong drove to Yunlin to find his older brother, to which he explained what had happened. He then went to his aunt's general store, grabbed two bottles of Gaoliang liquor, and got in his car to leave. His older brother told him he should turn himself in and not worry about anything. He shouted back at his brother, “If I turn myself in I'll get a lighter sentence. Don't worry about me, I'll take care of things myself.”

He drove into the mountains in Nantou, where he stopped and drank one bottle of liquor. He sliced his left wrist. When he awoke, he felt greatly disappointed; how was he not dead? He would have to go back and get the courts to hurry up and sentence him to death. It was in this state, only desiring his own self-destruction, that he headed back to Pingdong and turned himself in.

The police evidence records were quite thorough. The murder weapon was a 30-centimeter sashimi knife whose paper cover was also found at the scene of the crime. The blood on the knife was Huang Jinling's and Chen Qinquan's, and Deng Wugong's fingerprints were on the paper cover. Black gloves were left at the scene, as was a full-coverage safety mask. Huang Jinling died at the scene of the crime; her windpipe was almost completely severed. She was 38 years old. Chen Qinquan, severely wounded, had fled to the security guard's booth for help. He was taken to the hospital, where he later died. But before his death, he managed to get his testimony into the police records: the culprit was Huang Jinling's newly-divorced ex-husband.

After two retrials, Deng Wugong was convicted and sentenced to death. Some people came to the detention facility to teach introspection and meditation; Deng Wugong copied down a few of the scriptures, but when he thought of Huang Jinling who he had spent most of his life loving and hating, his heart still “hardened”. It was extremely painful for him; “I was so good to her; how could she do this to me?”

His two daughters and one son had no sympathy for him; in police records, they always described him as a terrible husband and father. The son said he once beat Huang Jinling after drinking. Hearing this angered Deng Wugong to no end. He swore he had never hit his wife; in the worst fight they'd had, he wanted to get out of the house for a bit to cool his head, but Huang Jinling wouldn't give him his keys and refused to let him leave. After a struggle, he held her on the ground and grabbed the keys from her, then got in his car and zoomed off. It was possible that the son saw this and assumed his father had hit his mother. The more Deng Wugong thought, the angrier he got. His wife was disloyal; his children were disrespectful. To hell with all of it, why not give up! He told his older brother and sister to relay the message to his children: “Don't come to see me!”

But he still quietly wrote a 13,000-word memoir, using ruled writing paper and glue to assemble a handmade book. His writing was careful, neat, and very very small; if you divided each line of the writing paper into nine smaller lines, his letters would fill the center line exactly.

Deng Wugong was arrested in Pingdong county, Jiuru village; the place he was now being held, Yanchao, was just across Gaoping Creek. He committed murder on the eastern shore, and was imprisoned on the western one. He still had thoughts of giving up from time to time, awaiting the day death would come to bring him across the river. His life was not yet at its end, but the end had already been determined; in the words of Yang Zeshi, his “life was not worth living”.

He had already been held on the western shore for three and a half years. Director Zhong was his guiding light; he looked forward to their chats every afternoon, but he knew there would be a day when the director would have to lead him to his execution.

And on the eastern shore, things had already changed completely. Huang Jinling's two brothers were long gone; people said they were fleeing creditors. The son had gone off to be a soldier, while the two daughters never kept in touch; he didn't where they were now.

I was going back to Taipei soon, so I went to say farewell to Deng Wugong. I didn't want him waiting expectantly every day, thinking I might return.

Today I planned to ask Deng Wugong a few more penetrating questions.

“The police found the knife, the mask, and the gloves that day. Why did you wear gloves?”

“Because I was driving. When I drive for a long time, my hands get sweaty, so I always wear gloves.”

“You mentioned in your memoirs one time when you fought with your wife; she hit you and you hit her back. What was the worst beating you ever gave her?”

He used a Minnanese verb in his reply that I didn't understand. As far as I could tell, it wasn't “hit”, nor was it “strike” or “struggle”. I asked, “Did you say you 'pushed' her?” Deng Wugong explained that it was when the two of them were struggling and he snatched the keys from her hand.

“In the newspaper, it said you divorced because you had a girlfriend?”

“Miss Zhang,” Deng Wugong's tone carried a faint note of indignation. “Think about it. If I had a girlfriend, wouldn't I have left soon after the divorce? Why would I stick around that place?”

As I walked back through that underground hallway that had never seen the light of day, I wondered if there would ever be a day when Deng Wugong's children would come through this same corridor.

Seven court transcripts, 90 minutes of conversation, and a 13,000-word memoir. This is the sum of my knowledge of Deng Wugong. I can't, nor do I plan to, claim I understand him. There are surely many more things in his life that I know nothing about.

It was only after I returned to Taipei that I read Deng Wugong's “pardon” request. A presidential pardon seemed unlikely, but the Society for the Abolishment of the Death Penalty thought it best to try anyway. So, the Society prepared a draft of a message to the president, leaving the lower half blank so the convict could explain in his own words why he felt himself worthy of a pardon.

This is what Deng Wugong wrote:

“I want to fully understand, what is love? I love my children; I love my family. I spent day and night riding the highways, driving all over the country. I poured out my heart and soul to support my one and only family. A wise man once said: 'If a chaste woman goes astray, a lifetime of virtue is forfeited; if a harlot settles down, a lifetime of sin is forgiven.' How did someone who never harmed a soul become the disciple of evil? Why did a man who couldn't bear to kill a chicken end up a murderer? Do I feel sad? Do I feel regret? – 'Without knowing why, without feeling, the tears flow down.'”

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