#but i know that notes do not equal self worth

[oh-phoenixx]

"Boost" - Jegulus microfic @into-the-jeggyverse - 1074 words

-

James had never struggled much with his self-worth, his view of himself. But he had not realised until recently how dependent his pride was on other people’s opinions. So, when James was studying alone with Regulus, and the younger boy did nothing but insult him, he needed a little boost to his confidence.

With a Hogsmeade weekend coming up, James was going to ask someone to be his date, and who—besides Regulus��could say no to a face like his? Now, James hadn’t intended to do this in front of Regulus, it just worked out that way. He spotted Tracy in the library, and realised that she was a girl, at the very least.

“Hey, Tracy,” James called. “Wanna come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?”

Tracy smiled at him and nodded. “Sure.”

James Potter was back in the game, ladies and gentlemen. When he looked back to Regulus, James saw that he was fuming, clutching his quill with a grip hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

“What? Did you want to ask her?” James scoffed.

“No,” Regulus muttered. “Shut up.”

“Wow, great comeback. I’m wounded, Reggie,” James mocked.

Regulus did not say another word for the majority of the study session, simply glaring at James occasionally. James didn’t know what his problem was. The only reason James was studying with Regulus was as a favour to Sirius. Regulus had asked for Sirius’s fifth-year notes, but Sirius had thrown all of his away and knew that James still had some. Out of the kindness of his heart, and his love for Sirius, James had offered to go over them with Regulus, as his handwriting was somewhat…illegible. Despite his generosity, Regulus did not seem at all grateful that James was giving up his time to be here.

“What the fuck does this even say?” Regulus muttered. “How can you possibly have handwriting this awful?”

“Sorry, Mr. I-Write-In-Cursive-Because-I’m-A-Pretentious-Git,” James grumbled. He took the page. “That clearly says unicorn blood!”

“How was I supposed to read that?” Regulus whisper-shouted. “The ink is smeared across the page!”

James frowned at the parchment. “Yeah, I reckon I wrote this one with my left hand.”

“Why would you do that?” Regulus questioned, eyes narrowed as if James was losing his mind.

“I’m ambidextrous,” James said with a grin, though he knew realistically it wasn’t a brag. He was ambidextrous in the sense that both hands were equally as shit. 

Regulus just groaned and took back the parchment, continuing to try to decipher James’s handwriting, as he refused to just have it read to him, because ‘I’m not a toddler, Potter. I don’t need a bedtime story’.

On Monday evening, when the two next studied together, James felt somewhat uncomfortable. Strangely, it had nothing to do with Regulus, but with Tracy constantly looking over and smiling at him. James did not like to be this person, he hated being in this position, he hated when people liked him and he didn’t like them back. He felt guilty about leading them on and guilty about breaking it off or rejecting them. There was nothing wrong with Tracy; she was nice, funny, and smart. James wanted to like her back. But his mind seemed occupied, and he didn’t know why.

“For Merlin’s sake,” Regulus sighed. “You could just go if you’re so occupied.”

“Huh?”

“That girl is eye-fucking you,” Regulus mumbled, face hidden by his hand rubbing his forehead as he wrote.

“No, she’s not,” James muttered. “And I’m not interested, anyway.”

Regulus, for some reason, seemed to relax a little at this. They got back to work and James tried his best to ignore Tracy. But, on the way out of the library, Tracy stopped him to talk about the next time they could see each other. 

James had a small, minor, tiny problem with wanting everyone to like him all the time. Sure, they were exceptions, like most of the Slytherins. He was a Gryffindor, of course they weren’t going to like him, it wasn’t anything personal. But he had a genuine and all-consuming fear of disappointing people. So, he did the most logical thing. He said: “Uh, sorry, I realised I’m, uh, gay.”

“Oh.” Tracy’s face fell, but she quickly put on a smile. “Good for you, James. Sorry for bothering you.”

As she walked away, Regulus raised his eyebrows. James winced. “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings!”

“You know if you ever date another girl she’ll realise you were lying,” Regulus pointed out.

“I wasn’t lying, per se, I was…obscuring half the truth,” James defended. “I’ll just have to find a good guy, then.”

“Too bad Lupin’s taken, I think he’s the only datable person in your entire friend group,” Regulus scoffed.

“Hey, I have very fuckable friends,” James protested, then grimaced. He had a strange instinct to protect all of his friends, though he wasn’t sure any would be happy to hear that he thought this, except maybe Sirius. “Ooo! You could pretend to-”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!”

“I could pretend to be your boyfriend?” Regulus asked, eyebrows raised. When James nodded, Regulus shook his head. “First of all, that’s an awful cliché. Second of all, fuck off.”

James groaned and followed after Regulus as he started to walk away. “Come on, you owe me one.”

“I didn’t ask for your help,” Regulus said.

Now, James didn’t want to get too arrogant or anything, but he was a very persuasive person. He was confident that he could get even Regulus Black, certified-grumpy-piece-of-shit, to listen to him. And, sure enough, after delivering a long and charming monologue about all of his good qualities (Regulus had called it pestering, but potato whatever), Regulus gave in.

So, that evening, Regulus and James walked into the Great Hall together. Regulus turned and left a chaste kiss on his cheek, and oh. Oh, this would be a problem. James stuttered out a goodbye, his face almost seeming to burn where Regulus’s lips had been.

“Bye, Jamie,” Regulus bid. Of course, James knew the nickname was just for show. But, fuck, that didn’t change the way his stomach flipped. He suddenly understood why they called them butterflies.

James sat down at his usual spot, right next to Sirius, face red and realising a lot of things at once.

“What the fuck was that?” Sirius hissed.

“I think I’m in love with your brother,” James answered dumbly.

[internetladyfables]

[Headcanons] Hugo Vlad: Domestic Life with His Wife

cw: self-indulgent, possible OOC, fluff, female reader.

Requested by anon.

Hugo has got a habit of waking up early — earlier than his wife — just to make her tea /coffee/ her favourite morning drink. 

Is good at cooking — especially sweets — so he makes breakfast, humming soft tunes. Sometimes, turning the cooking into performance, dramatically flicking his hair and twirling the kitchen appliances. “This morning, my dear, I present you… my masterpiece: pancakes with chocolate chips!” It’s indeed pancakes, but made with love. Maybe even heart-shaped ❤

He gently wakes her up with sweet kisses and soft ‘good morning.’

They have a quiet breakfast together, sharing small talks together, maybe reading news or watching TV.

When he’s tired after the previous night’s work or feels lazy, he can dramatically grumble under the covers and clings to his wife, begging her to stay with him in the bed a little more.

They cook together often. Hugo insists on making it a ‘date’ with music and dancing in the kitchen.

They often share dinners with Vivian, inviting her over. Robin as well. Even though it can’t eat, it just keeps them company. It also sometimes brings a fresh bouquet of flowers for Hugo’s wife, expecting some pets and kisses from her. 

Playfully claims that housework is “beneath a gentleman thief”, but handles it perfectly fine. He hums some tunes when doing laundry and vacuuming while she does her part of the housework.

Film night dates are a must! He rents a lot of  tapes from a certain video store. They may even share a bath while they are watching films. He has a glass of wine in his hand as she is sitting between his legs with a drink as well.

Due to his line of work and him being often busy, they can’t have a pet, even though he would really like to. They opt to feed birds on the balcony. Or maybe after a discussion, they’ll have a pet lizard, or even two. They don’t need constant care, but they’re still cute anyway.

Keeps a private journal where he documents their life and a small box of all their memories —photos, letters, notes, trinkets.

Calls her various pet names. Her contact name in his phone may be something like ‘CEO of my heart’.

Passion hasn’t gone away anywhere. He knows exactly how to set her into the right mood. Seductive glances, his hand dangerously sliding down her lower back or around her waist, hand that squeezes her thigh, soft bites on her fingers, his tongue that teases her neck, breathy teasing remarks into her ear — he knows all her weaknesses and sweet spots, and he will use them to his benefit.

He never hides how much he cherishes her, especially when she’s hurt or tired. If she ever doubts herself, Hugo is the first to remind her of her strength and worth. His love is loyal. In his mind, she isn’t just his wife — she’s his equal, his muse, his anchor.

She does the same for him. He shares his vulnerabilities only with her — the burden of leading Mockingbird, his doubts, the nights he can’t sleep. She knows how to soothe him without words. They have trust that runs deep — the kind where silence is comfortable and secrets don’t exist between them.

[seelestia]

⟡ within your waking thoughts (there i’ll be).

⎯ what do they do when they miss you? how do they cope with yearning when you're away? { y for yearning ノ ordered by @floraldresvi! (sorry for the ping!) }

RESERVED FOR! ノ characters. aventurine, sunday, dr. ratio ft. gn!reader. { 1.3k words }

FLAVOR! ノ genre. fluff, slight angst (my apology to sunday lovers yet again), established relationship.

TOPPINGS! ノ tags. aventurine has his tech savvy moment, pre-2.2 sunday (heavy references but no spoilers), ratio has two phones (king of separating work & personal life !!!).

BAKER’S NOTE! ノ thoughts. a repost! bcs tumblr didn't like it the first time. hopefully, this one will be here to stay. thank u to vivi for requesting this ‹3

© seelestia on tumblr, may 2024. please do not repost, plagiarize, translate, use for AI-related purposes or claim as your own.

in your absence, aventurine welcomes little thoughts of you that float around his mind with open arms - and the way he indulges them is by simply texting you. effective and efficient, there is a reason why the cosmos calls it the second most used means for long distance communication. what about the first? well, he would've opted for calling you with his earpiece if only his line of work doesn't require 90% of its usage time.

let's just say the idea of fellow stonehearts interrupting his conversation with you ruins the fun. besides, he has deft fingers; coin tricks aren't the only thing in his book, you know, typing a few sentences in one go is no problem at all.

but maybe, he is using that too much to his advantage . . . considering the “25+” staring back at you from your notifications every few hours or so. aventurine is truly, irrevocably relentless.

anything even remotely in your favorite color found within his vicinity? new message: Saw something that reminded me of you, you must really like crossing my mind.

an item he thinks would fit you well? new message: I got you a gift. Does it suit your fancy? [1 attachment]

reminded of how cruel fate is to separate you two for so long? new message: Haven't seen your face in a while. Fifteen hours are a total too cruel, don't you agree?

have faith that you will never grasp the true meaning of boredom when you’re apart from him. luck follows a man like aventurine, so do interesting events - remember how he won a vacation to a resort with one chip? he revels in telling you stories of his encounters while you're away. it is as if thrill revolves around him constantly. . . one wonders just how he fares living on the edge of it all.

(you, for one, are aware of his ways. he has allowed you to wander far enough behind his masquerade, after all.)

of course, texts on an illuminated screen can barely compare to seeing you in person. he prefers having you in his arms instead - but he'll live. solitude is an old friend of his, albeit distant and cold, aventurine can deal with its company every once in a while. at the end of the day, he knows you’ll be there when he comes home.

though, it's such a shame he cannot see your face when you're apart. the curve of your lips as you smile, the twinkle in your eyes with his reflection in them, and. . . ah, seems like he is making this harder for himself. maybe, he should consider buying that HD holographic communicative device on the market? his ears caught wind of some P45 officers at pier point whispering about it before.

it'll cost a large sum of credits but hey, he thinks it'll be worth it. for you? anything is possible.

(...him? clingy? well, guilty as charged.)

sunday’s self-discipline is not something to be underestimated. halovians are a species known for their enchanting voices, yet he feels as if he cannot spare any for even his inner thoughts. what an irony. his longing for your presence is persistent, tumbling at the edge of his tongue - but he is equally as, if not more, stubborn and so he swallows this yearning down instantly.

you are not confined to the dreamscape like he is, as self-imposed as that may be. sunday is aware of that, hence his first instinct is to keep quiet. the curse of sealing his lips till forevermore; watching you leave through the grand doors, letting his gaze fall to where your shadow used to be, savoring the last of your remaining fragrance from when you last bade him goodbye - all without a word.

(don't go, he wished he could say.)

is it a bad habit? “your voice shouldn't be used just to utter words that others want to hear,” you reminded him once. “it's also for you. it's yours.”

but even then, your words are akin to a faint whisper; muffled by the thoughts that plague his mind like a mist. he can't help how they fog up his reflection in the mirror, leaving remnants of something acrid that wafts in the air. something like doubts, sunday would know because he has dwelled in it for as long as he remembers.

you are outside, fluttering your wings in the sky and enjoying what it has to offer. does he have any rights to disturb you? perhaps, in his eyes, sunday views himself as a string tied around your talon, trailing all the way from the heavens where you soar to the humble ground where he resides. each time your absence compels him to reach out, it is as if he’s tugging on that string and dragging you lower from the height you truly relish in, from the height you deserve to be at.

(sunday believes that you belong to the sky, unlike him.)

so here, he shall stay and here, he shall wait until you return. sunday’s heart begins to grow cold - but the farewell kiss you've left on the apple of his cheek hasn't faded. its warmth remains, even when he brushes his freezing hand against it, it remains.

you remain.

(and that is enough for him.)

dr. ratio is a man with a packed schedule, so it's safe to say he keeps himself occupied particularly well. tasks at the intelligentsia guild are nothing short of demanding, after all. there are researchers asking for his input left and right, although some tremble while speaking to him even when he hasn't even uttered a word yet. ignoring that, he also aids in projects that require his expertise. last but not least, his students and classes which he takes very seriously.

(but be careful with how you phrase it — the doctor doesn't view them as distractions, no, he sees them as his responsibilities — saying the former might offend him.)

as you can see, he is perfectly capable of spending time away from you. . . .or at least, until it's time for a break and a part of that perfection chips off.

his office is quite tranquil, free from outside noise, just the way he likes. this place bears a similar purpose as his headgear, to let him focus in silence without disturbance - but he hasn't expected that exact silence to be this deafening. hah, how absurd! in what realm of possibility could silence ever be associated with deafening as an adjective? he supposes it could be a case of tinnitus. . . but veritas knows that isn't the case.

something's missing and it is, much to his dismay, you.

veritas has his standards. he prefers things to be set at a specific level - and this level of silence, one marred further by your lack of presence, is too low for him. he's getting too used to seeing you barge into his office with neatly packed sandwiches in your hands, a revelation he'd rather keep to himself.

veritas reaches for his personal phone, his work one left neglected at the far end of the desk. he considers making a call to you but the clock is ticking. tick tock tick tock, as if to hang the fact that his break is reaching its end over his head.

utilizing whatever time he has left, his finger gives the gallery app a tap. various pictures pop up on the screen; selfies of you with silly expressions, candid shots of veritas himself and some photos of random objects like your matching mugs. all of these were taken by you, of course. seriously, is this his phone or is it yours?

who knows at this point? he nearly lets out a snort, but that smile on his face is fooling no one. the doctor continues scrolling through his gallery, utterly content with just this until he gets home. to you.

(yes, yes, this still counts as keeping himself occupied. thank you for your concern.)

— thank you for reading! reblogs with comments are most appreciated.

[after-the-end-times]

Not Just A Townie

~This was not the drabble I set out to write at the beginning of the night~ Rating: T◈Words: 2,21◈CW: Steve has low sense of self worth, Robin's just now realizing how low ◈Tags: Platonic Stobin, Robin POV, Secret Relationship Steddie, Lots of Emotions, Lots of Hugs, Sibling-like bantering, Bitchy Steve, Bitchy Robin, Retail Personas For @steddiebingo Square: Family Video Ao3

Steve smiled a friendly retail service smile at the two girls walking into Family video. "Welcome to Family Video, let me know if you need help finding anything!"

"Thanks."

"Sure"

They headed straight back to the wall of New Releases.

Robin poked him. "Go talk to them. They're pretty."

Steve glanced sideways at her. "Yeah no. Not interested. I mean, they're clearly not interested."

"You got that from thanks? They're pretty girls and you're a... not bad looking guy. Two plus two equals four, ergo go talk to them."

Steve turned to lean his hip against the counter, crossing his arms. "You do know dating doesn't work like that, right?"

"Really." She gave him a highly skeptical look. "I'm pretty sure it does. Otherwise, why flirt with whoever walks in?"

"That's to feel out the vibe. See if you click. It's not just, oh pretty, let's date."

"You know what? No. I'm gonna go talk to them."

"Oh! Good for you! Proud of you."

"Not for me! For you, Steviepoo"

"Ew, Robin, no."

Robin flicked his ear, he lightly slapped her shoulder, she jabbed a finger into his ribs, he flipped her hair, she went to-

"Ok, enough! What does the post-it note say?"

Steve heaved a sigh and recited in monotone, "'No slap fights. That means you, Steve and Robin. I mean it. No more customer complaints.' With three underlines under 'no more'. But, can I just say, you started it?"

"So? You could just not retaliate!"

Steve gave her a flat look. "I can't believe I used to beg my parents for a sister. Shoo. Go talk to the pretty girls."

She started walking backwards. "Oh, I will. Just you watch me."

"Don't trip."

"What?" She tripped. "Ow."

She popped up and spun toward him, sending a 'I'm watching you' signal and a middle finger hidden by a movie rack.

Robin walked to the back wall where the girls were holding up a couple videos, debating which to get.

"I see you've picked a couple good ones there. Is there anything I can do to help you decide? I'm Robin, by the way, and I have to say I've seen the one in your right hand about five times now, so, good choice!"

The brunette girl held up the movie. "Yeah? We've been wanting to see it, but didn't know this one had come out already." She held up the one in her left hand.

"Well, how about you check out the one you've been wanting to see. And perhaps my friend, Steve, over there can check out the other one and you could watch it with him? He makes the best popcorn."

The girls looked at each other and back at Robin. The blonde girl spoke up, "Oh, uh, no, I think we'll just see if it's still here next weekend."

"Really? You don't think Steve's a good looking dude? He's also really nice." She failed to mention the tendency for slap fights.

"Sure, he's hot," Blondie said. "But we're dating college guys these days? No offense to your friend, but-"

"We don't date townies." Brunette stated, with a little smirk.

Robin, honest to god, gasped.

She didn't remember the last time she gasped in offense like some southern mama, but this, she thinks, warrants it.

How dare they think they're above Steve.

Her face fell flat, switching to costumer service voice. "I'm sorry, but I believe those two videos are on a wait list. I'll just take them, thank you. I need to let the next people on the list know they're available. It's just store policy, you understand."

She walked back to Steve, holding her captured videos. She slid the movies under the counter, making a mental note to put them back out once the girls left.

"Sooo, how'd it go? Two plus two work out for you there?"

She flicked a glare at the girls across the store. "They weren't good enough for you."

"Awwww Robiiin!" He grabbed her up in a tight bear hug, wiggling her above the ground a couple times, before lowering her back down.

She slapped at his chest once she was free.

"Robin, it's chill, seriously. I can't really compete with the college guys a lot of the girls my age are meeting."

Robin gasped. Again. She's mildly horrified at herself.

"You listen to me, Steve-Marie, you're just as good as any of those college guys. You've saved this town. What have they done? Gone to class? Ugh! Stop looking at me like that!" She flicked his nose.

Steve twitched his nose and just kept gazing at her, love and amusement shining from his eyes and smile, for anyone to see. "Nope! You loooooove meeee!"

"You're annoying."

The girls walked back toward the front of the store, movie-less.

Robin gave a little wave. "Have a nice day! Sooo sorry about those movies. Not sure when they'll be available for you. You know, since all the townies are already waiting for them."

She continued smiling until they were out the door, dropping it once they're back in their car. Steve was smirking when she turned back to look at him.

"That's what got you in a twist? They called me a townie? I am a townie. Townie. Tooownie. Welp, word's lost all meaning."

"No, you're not, Steve. You're gonna get out of here, do something awesome."

"Why can't I do something awesome here?"

"Because! Because, it's Hawkins, Indiana. You belong out there. Somewhere they'll appreciate you! Ugh! Stop it with the face!" She put her hand over his eyes. "Why are you making me say nice things about you! You're you! You're Steve Harrington. Why would you stay here? Here?!"

Steve's smile slowly dropped, suddenly looking too serious and resigned. "Where would I go?"

She pulled her hand off his eyes, suddenly aware the conversation just went serious.

"Steve."

"Would it be so bad? Staying here? Maybe get a job somewhere I actually like? Get a little house with a yard? And just, build a life here?"

"What about the nuggets?" That got a small smile out of him, at least.

"There's other townies." The smile dropped. "Besides. I don't know if that's for me. Not anymore."

Her chest started to feel tight; she started this, she led them down this conversational path. "Steve."

"Hey, it's ok." He pulled her into a hug. "It's ok. You're gonna go off to college and you're gonna see the world. Just, maybe come visit townie-Steve, every once in a while, yeah?"

Silent tears spilled down her cheeks, soaking into Steve's vest. How could he be so resigned? Yes, there were a lot of good people just living their lives here, but- but Steve was- they all were, meant for more. How could they be happy here? How could he think she'd just go off without him?

He just kept holding her tight.

Finally, she pulled back, swiping angrily at her wet cheeks.

"Ok. Ok. Here's the plan. I'm going to defer college for a year-"

"No, Robin. You're not. You're going to college in the fall."

"Ok, Dad. No, I'll defer. I got into a few that I applied to. We'll use this year to get you in, too. Where'd you apply last time?"

Steve just looked at her.

"Steve?"

"Nowhere."

"What?"

"I didn't send in the applications. Told my parents I didn't get in."

"What."

"Where would I go, Robin?"

She blinked at him, she was so angry and sad and confused. She couldn't even form a thought, let alone a response. He'd just- But he was always so- How could he-

"Ok." She finally said.

"Ok?"

"I'll defer and you're going to update and send in your applications. If you want to come back here after we graduate, fine. But, we're leaving for four years first. Got it?"

Steve just looked at her, expressionless, it was unnerving, but she figured he was processing.

"Why?" He finally said, looking at her like he'd never met her before.

"What do you mean why?" She grasped his shoulders. "Because, you deserve to get out of here and experience more than what Hawkins has put you through."

Somehow, he was still expressionless, still just looking. She could always read him, his face usually betrayed every emotion, every thought. This was something new and Robin didn't think it was something good.

"No. Why would you defer? I'll just come later if you want. Why would you change up your life for me?"

Robin's chest was tight again. "Why wouldn't I?"

"People don't do that."

And there it was.

She could hear the silent for me tacked onto the end of that statement and it killed her.

Robin wanted nothing more, in that moment, than to hurt every single person who did this to Steve, who left him feeling like he had to give everything of himself while expecting nothing in return.

"Well, it's what I'm going to do. Ok?"

Steve didn't speak, just nodded, eyes finally filling with emotion. Robin pulled back him into a tight hug.

The bell over the door rang.

"Get out, we're closed!" She yelled without looking. "Flip the sign on your way out!"

She heard the thwap of the sign hitting the glass as the person did what she told them.

She did not hear the bell again. She turned her tear wet face just enough to see the door.

Eddie.

From his position, he could see Steve's face and Eddie looked gutted at what he saw.

Robin motioned him with a hand to join them. He was there before she could even let Steve know. His arms wound around them both, his head pressed to Steve's other shoulder.

She rubbed Steve's back, big up and down swipes of her hand, taking slow, deep breaths. Her tears finally dried up.

She heard Eddie's voice murmuring to Steve, too low for her to really make out the words, but she felt Steve nod against her shoulder.

And finally, Robin felt Steve take a deep, shuddering breath, letting it out slow.

Steve gave her one last big squeeze and pulled back slowly. She kept an eye on him, watching for...something, anything, she didn't even know anymore.

Robin just wanted to make this better for him, whatever that meant. She just wasn't sure if she was helping or hurting him at this point.

This Steve wasn't one she had a mindmeld with, she couldn't tell what he was feeling, let alone what he was thinking.

She watched as he turned to Eddie. Eddie, who was...awfully close, who lifted a hand to Steve's cheek and gently, slowly wiped under Steve's eye with his thumb, catching a stray tear.

Robin gasped.

Silently this time, thankfully, but that was her third gasp of the day and she was tired from so many emotional revelations in so short a time.

"Steve?"

He smiled, lifting his head to look at her. Purposefully, he lowered his hand, slipping it into Eddie's.

She wouldn't gasp again, but her hand still came up to cover her mouth. "Oh, my god."

"Is that a good oh my god?" Steve asked, eyes soft and a small half smile quirked across his tilted face.

"What? Yes!" Robin felt suddenly thrust back into her body, jolting forward to grab Steve's other hand. "Yes, it's a really good oh my god. I had no idea you were- and my mind's still reeling, but I'm so happy for you! And you, Eddie, obviously, but Steve's- well, you know."

Eddie chuckled low. "Don't worry, I get it."

Robin sagged in relief. She hadn't even realized she was so tense. She wants to go home.

"Can we go home?" She looked up at Steve, when did she look down?

"Yesss. Let's get out of here." He used his grasp on Robin's hands to pull her against his side, walking her back to the break room to get their stuff.

Eddie was writing something on the notepad when they came out.

"Hey babe, what're you writing there?" Steve said.

Babe

"Writing up your excuse for closing early."

"Yeah?" He slid one hand low across Eddie's back and tried to peek around his shoulder. "So, why'd we leave?"

"Computer issues."

"Simple. I like it. Though, what happens when it boots right up for Keith in the morning?"

Eddie grinned over his shoulder. "Yeah, he's gonna have a problem with that."

Robin ducked down to look under the counter, cords hung limp, coiling all over the floor.

"You might not have work tomorrow if he doesn't know how to plug everything back in. Also, there's the computer virus you valiantly stopped that he'll have to deal with."

Robin's eyes met Steve's, he raised one eyebrow, and she doubled over laughing.

She was laughing so hard she couldn't breath, she grabbed onto the counter to hold herself up. Steve caught her just as her knees tried to give out.

She leaned her head against his chest, trying to slow the laughter, trying to breath. Weirdly, she felt better. Lighter.

And maybe they still had things to talk about, emotions to work through, futures to decide, especially now that she knew to include Eddie, but she knew they'd work it out.

They'd be ok. Together.

[absolutelynotsanebaby]

I’m constantly thinking about how Cole is such a balanced mix of his parents. Obviously the first thing is that he looks like both of his parents (resembling Lou earlier in the show and then post-redesign more like Lilly, which is fun if you interpret it as him growing into his mothers features) but it goes past that right into his themes, fighting style, and morals especially.

So, his true potential episode has him lying to his dad and planning to steal the fangblade/blade cup. Everyone kinda knows this as the accidental coming out allegory but it’s VERY compelling to look at Lou’s reaction as him not even really being mad about Cole being a ninja. He seemed angry and disappointed in the fact that Cole wasn’t who he thought he was, in the sense of him not actually wanting to follow Lou’s footsteps and the fact that he was stealing the blade-cup. Lou specifically says these two lines; “I can’t be proud of any son who thinks stealing is right. And I’m not going to wait around to watch you make a mockery of our family’s legacy!” And then after their performance “more importantly I saw you fight. Those serpentine were up to no good, trying to steal the show, and I saw you stand up for what is right!”

(<- direct quotes are taken from this post by razzle-zazzle, which you should read btw, inspired me to finally write these thoughts down.)

(Also it’s worth noting Cole also denounces stealing later lmao, as seen in here.)

This is pretty direct proof that he values doing the right thing, and distinctly doing things the right way (<— also a trait cole VERY much shares). Which is something he did have to relearn and adjust upon understanding his son not doing exactly what he wants doesn’t have to be bad (self promo but this post goes into how Lou’s mindset affected Cole’s btw). The second statement is also very reminiscent of what Lilly says to Cole in MOTM, the “promise me you’ll always stand up for what is right” talk. To tie this together basically while MOTM is a very clear and thorough look at how Cole takes after Lilly, Lou is very present in his moral system too. Additionally, Lou is an incredibly passionate man, and clearly expresses and puts himself into dancing which very much mirrors how Cole treats being a ninja sometimes, and his arc about finding himself.

That segways nicely into the fact that Cole’s fighting style is ABSOLUTELY a mix of the strength and power of his mother, and the gracefulness of his father. You actually see Cole denounce his father’s grace by the way, way early before his true potential moment. He seemed insecure about it, which is certainly some kind of toxic masculinity thing because his younger self did not feel like that.

See, Way Of The Departed;

It compliments his arc about learning who he is, and becoming softer because of it really well. He doesn’t have to be insecure about his dad being elegant, because that isn’t a bad thing. He can learn to love dancing in his own way to, in a way that’s safe and his. He can incorporate it into how he fights, and this is something pointed out by @/razzle-zazzle but the tripple tiger sashay resembles an attack too.

Basically, Cole is both his parent’s child, and they equally influence the person he’s become, but he’s not just an arbitrary mix either. He takes the legacies of both and molds them into his own, for the better. He finds balance! It was always about balance with him.

[lvest]

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ William James Moriarty, Albert James Moriarty, and Louis James Moriarty with depressed!reader. (seperated!)

|| Trying out new stuff, if i can write something with this topic then I'll write more. Sorry if i mischaracterize them. T-T.

|| Tw : mentioned of suicide, depression, opinions.ᐟ

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ William James Moriarty .ᐟ.ᐟ

In my opinion, he'll notices the signs instantly. He's an observant person after all, he noticed how you act whenever you look at the mirror and at yourself, how you seemed to be more self aware or self conscious when you're close with him.

He won't directly asked you, he wouldn't ask but wait for you to bring up the topic and would help you with actions or words, if you decided to tell him about it he'll listened and tried to help you step by step, he's a consultant after all.

If he knew you're planning to kill yourself he'll try to stay by your side for who knows how long, he wouldn't let that happen, no. He'll talk it out with you, not pushing you to tell him about it if you're uncomfortable, but he'll wait but doesn't mean he won't look out for you. He would watch you from afar, he would also asked Louis to hide anything sharp or anything that you could think of to off yourself. Not that he'll tell you, but he'll be more gentle than usual. (He's always but.. y'know)

He'll asked Louis to keep an eye out for you if he's out, however expect he'll never leave your side if it's not an emergency. (Mission, professor stuff etc.)

Overrall a good listener and will give the best advice, he'll show that he cares for you by actions and words, how he'll be so gentle and attentive to you whenever you're feeling depressed. He'll help you realize your worth by helping you with loving yourself first and then he'll help you to shoo away those bad thoughts.

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ Albert James Moriarty .ᐟ.ᐟ

He might not noticed the signs at first but the more you act around him, he'll notice it. He wanted to asked you about it but he doesn't want you to be uncomfortable and decided to wait for the right moment.

That right moment being him finding you crying in your shared bedroom, he immediately rushed towards you as you then opened up to him about how he deserves someone who is equal.

He would listened to all of your pent up emotions and wouldn't brush it off easily, he would listened while caressing your hand with his thumb while giving you his full attention.

If he heard you planning to kill yourself, he would asked Louis or Sebastian to keep an eye on you since he's busy being the head of Moriarty and couldn't be home for most days, still he'll help you step by step no matter how long it takes.

He'll hide all the sharp things that could hurt you or kill you even, hiding it in place you never knew after all he and the brothers knows about the house more than you do.

Overall he'll help you whenever you're feeling depressed or even a slightest bit of sad, if he can't be there he'll write to you, sending letters asking about your day or how you're doing and sometimes he'll send you little gifts to cheer you up.

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ Louis James Moriarty .ᐟ.ᐟ

He'll also noticed if you act a little "different" what i meant by different is how you avoid mirrors and starts to skipped meals, that's when he got suspicious.

He'll not directly asked you but will observe you from afar, keeping an eye out if someone words or actions is making you do this, but when he learned you are actually depressed he'll help you..

He's not good with words but will show you with actions, like if you told him about how everything is hard, how the slightest mishaps can make you burst into tears, or how the simplest thing makes you tired.

He'll listened throughout the whole process, no matter what, even if you accidentally spilled tea all over you or how it's hard for you to leave the bed. He'll help you by showing you affection, making you meals and making sure you are not skipping meals again.

In my opinion, i think he'll leave little note on your nightstand, saying things he couldn't say. He'll leave a note everyday, each with encouragement and unsaid feelings he can't say with words along with a small little flower attached to it everyday.

If he heard how you're planning to kill yourself he'll went into panic mode, he'll be so worried and tried to stop you by hiding all the sharp objects and asking for advice from William.

Overrall he'll not say much but he'll help with actions, he can't convey his feelings to words but he'll leave little notes that he hope will help you get more confident and more free from those thoughts that haunt you.

[gingee-tarot]

PICK A CARD: What made you stands out from others?

Hello everyone 💫 in this reading you’ll explore what makes you uniquely stand out from others. Whether it’s your personality, hidden qualities, how others perceive you etc. this reading will help you to understand yourself better and what sets you apart from others.

For this pick a pile I’m using tarot cards, Lenormand, wild unknown archetypes oracle, uncover your past lives oracle, life purpose oracle and work your light oracle.

How can you choose your pile accurately?

1. Pick a pile: take a deep breath, relax and choose a picture that calls out to you the most.

2. Once you’ve picked your pile, scroll down to your reading🫶

I also really appreciated feedback!

Please note: this pick a card reading is a collective reading. While the insights may resonate deeply, please take the reading with a grain of salt and always trust your own judgement when making decisions 💫

✨If you like my readings you can tip me here or paypal.me/TabithaSky13

Want a personalised and in depth reading? 🔮 You can find it here

Pile 1

Cards: 6 of pentacles, 7 of pentacles rx, The Underworld, Stork, Healer, Boundaries

Your core traits: So pile 1.. I sense here at the core you’re a person with natural generosity. You like to give to others without expecting too much in return but you want it to be fair, you still know boundaries. I’m seeing that people are drawn to you because you have a sense of equality, you’re the one who always makes sure everyone is taken care of and no one is left out. You’re the kind of persons who everyone goes to because you’re just accepting of everyone. I’m sensing a libra placements for some of you here.

With 7 of pentacles rx I’m sensing that you also might struggle with impatience. You want to see results quickly especially when you’re investing your time and energy into people or situations. Sometimes you feel that you’re putting lots of effort without getting much back. It could be in job, school or relationships and you questioned if all you hard work is really worth it. It’s natural to feel frustrated but this also shows how much you care about others and about things working out fairly at the end. You don’t give up easily and others notice this resilience of you and it’s something that earns you lot of a quiet respect, even if you feel like things are moving slowly, people around you see how dedicated you are and your persistence is something they admire.

your hidden strength: With The Underworld card I’m seeing that you’re not afraid to face darker or more difficult aspects in life. Among many people who avoid tough conversations, you’re the one who’s there for others when things get hard. When your friends face tough times and others might choose to distance themselves, but instead you stand by the . It makes you incredibly unique. People around you see that you don’t shy away from challenges. They’re drawn to your strength in those moments. You have ability to sit with people in their pain and help them feel understood, which is something that not everyone can do. You know how to stay up to date with modern looks too and you’re versatile with your style.

how others see you: Stork card is a sign of growth and transformation. I’m seeing that you’re kind of person who don’t stay stagnant or get stuck with old habits. You constantly grow. People who don’t see you for a long time and when they see you they’ll notice how much you’ve changed or grown. People see that you’re always moving forward. This makes you stand out because you inspire people to grow as well.

I’m also seeing that people who choose pile 1 have eyes that exudes friendliness, well groomed and others seem you as graceful. Some of you also have magnetic energy too, strong, intense eyes that pulls others on, you have a brooding charm. You could also have a confident and self assured demeanor that enhances your attractiveness, you look composed and in control.

how your past life influence you now: In past life I’m seeing that you might have been someone who cared for others, you might be a healer, midwife or herbalist. That nurturing energy has carried over into your current life. Today, people see you as someone who knows how to comfort others and offer advices to them. Even without you realizing it, just with your presence can heal those around you. You are the kind of person who makes others feels better just by being there. This isn’t something everyone has, you have energy that makes people feel safe and understood which is why people are naturally drawn to you.

how can you embrace your uniqueness: Boundaries card remind you while you’re amazing at helping others you also need to protect your own energy. This is important because as much as people value your support, you can sometimes give too much. Setting boundaries makes you even more impressive because it shows that you know your worth. People respect you even more when they see that you know when to say “no” and when to prioritise you own well being. You have a courage to set boundaries when necessary though and it sets you apart.

Random signs that might resonates with you: Libra moon, Scorpio rising, Capricorn mars, Pisces sun, Sagittarius in big 6, Virgo in big 6, anime, someone might have Native American descendants, white clothes, likes wearing necklaces with pearl, wealthy hence likes sharing with others.

Pile 2

Cards : 5 of Swords, Death, The Kiss, Moon, Nature Worship, Support

Your core traits: Pile 2, at the core you are someone who’s transformative and resilient in challenges. I see that you’ve been through many conflicts and struggles but instead of breaking you, those challenges made you grow stronger. What sets you apart is your ability to move through endings and new beginnings freshly. You don’t fear changes. Instead you embrace it because you know it’s necessary for your growth. People notice how you always rise from difficult situations even when others might give up.

I’m seeing some of you have been leaving a toxic job and relationships, and you take that as a lesson instead of dwelling on sadness and you entered a better relationships, getting in better and more supportive jobs, you’re becoming stronger. People admire you for your courage and strength.

Your hidden strength: The Kiss card here is about emotional depth and passion. You stand out because you have intense and magnetic charm, that people can’t help but notice. You might be someone who forms deep and passionate connections with others. You are not the type who’ll get into relationship that are surface level. One night stand, friends with benefits thingy are just not you. You dive deep. When you care about someone, they feel it in every word and action.

I’m seeing that you might have sensual or romantic aura that draws people to you. You’re someone who leave a lasting impression even after only brief interaction, wheter through kind words, meaningful gesture or simply just making someone feel seen. You’re full of genuine passion.

How others see you: With Moon card, you’re a dreamer and you have mysterious quality about you. People might not always understand you fully but that’s what makes you even more intriguing. You have natural intuition and emotional intelligence that others recognise even if they can’t quite put their finger on it. Your mysterious side makes people curious and keeps them interested, wanting to get to know you more.

I’m seeing also for some of you, you guys have creative and imaginative side. You’re good at art, music and experessing yourself and it makes you unique. You think outside of the box and kind of unpredictable making people curious of you.

How your past life influences you now: In your past life, you likely had deep connection to nature and spirituality. This connection still influences you in this life. You might be someone who are drawn to nature, animals or simple and peaceful environments. You bring kind of stillness to people around you and that rare gift in today’s fast paced world. This past life influence gives you wisdom that make others feel safe and grounded when they’re around you.

how can you embrace your uniqueness: One of your unique gifts is your ability to help others even when you’re going through your own challenges. You’re naturally supportive and you’re the person people turn to when they need advice or helping hand. Embracing this supportive role will allow you to stand out even more because it’s part of who you are.

You don’t need to be in spotlight to have an impact, whether it’s listening to a friend, offering advice or just being there for others , people see you as someone they can count on.

Random signs that might resonate with you: Scorpio sun/moon, Pisces moon/venus, Taurus rising, Virgo Venus, 12H placements, good singing, picnic, rooftop, someone visited Japan, number 4, wearing cute clothes

Pile 3

Cards: The Wheel, 9 of Chalices, Apocolypsis, Man, Injustice, Pleiades

Your core traits: you are someone who moves with flow of life and you know how to embrace highs and lows of life. You have sense of inner fullfilment. You know how to be happy and enjoy life even by just being by yourselves. You believe that no matter what happens you know things will work out in your favour. You’re the person who stay calm even though plans or event change unexpectedly. While others freak out over this, you just stay calm and trust that life will sort itself out. You’re that person who manages to see the silver lining and that positivity rubs off on everyone around you. Your lighthearted yet grounded energy makes people remember you.

Your hidden strength: what people might not see right away is your deep ability to uncover the truth. You have hidden talent to dig deep into situations, getting to root of issues and reveal things that others might miss. You’re able to read between the lines in conversations. Maybe someone trying to hide their true feelings but you could sense it instantly. Or when situation seemed confusing, you could see the bigger picture clearly. This ability makes you stand out because you see things that others don’t.

How others see you: when people first see you, they immediately see you as someone reliable and a natural leader. There’s something about your energy that makes people feel secure around you. You have a presence that commands respect and others feel like they can count on you. You’re likely the person in friend group or family who’s always there when someone needs help. If things go wrong people know they can call you because you know how to take care of things practically. Even when you’re not trying to be in charge people naturally look up to you because they trust your judgement.

You’re an approachable person and you’re confident. You have a warm and inviting smile. You’re not the type to flaunt your looks but you carry that grounded, confident and commanding energy. You have a blend of softness and strength.

How your past life influences you now: in past life, you faced deep injustice either you experienced it firsthand or you were someone who fought against it. This influences you in this life to have strong sense of right and wrong. You likely stand out because of your fairness and desire to make things right. You might find yourself defending others who are being treated unfairly or maybe you can’t stand it when you see something that feels off in terms of justice. People admire this about you. You can’t sit quietly when things are unfair and it makes you a strong and noticeable figure.

How can you embrace your uniqueness: your soul’s mission is bigger that just your own journey. You are here not only to live your life but to help others rise as well. This makes you stand out because you bring kind of energy that uplifts other around you. You become mentor or guide to friends, family or even strangers. People might come to you for advice or comfort without even realizing why. You’re here in this world to channel something bigger and by being yourself , you can lift others up too.

Random signs that might resonates with you: Sagittarius sun, Capricorn Venus, libra mars, Pisces moon, 7H placements, 2H placements, cigarettes, someone’s into modelling, people noticing you have glass skin, sport person, hiking, teacher.

Pile 4

Cards: Knave of Chalices, Temperance, The Sustainer, Castle, Power, Freedom

Your core traits : I’m seeing that you have a calm and chill vibe but you’re full of compassion. You’re emotionally open and you connect with people easily because you genuinely care. You come across as someone balanced, you’re the kind of friends who can stay calm even when things are chaotic, you can find middle ground and keeping peace. People notice how calm you are no matter the situation. You have easygoing and soft hearted nature. You’re also patient and rarely overreact and it makes you stand out.

Your hidden quality: even if you don’t always realise it , you’re the backbone for people around you. You’re a steady person who hold things together when they’re falling apart. People rely on you and you’re always there for them even if they don’t say it out loud. You naturally help others when they are stressed and confused. I’m seeing you helping your friends when they have drama or problems with others and instead of stirring out the situation you tried to be understanding and giving out support and offering gentle solution.

How people perceive you: on the outside you give off vibe of someone who’s bit guarded and selective about who you let on your circle. People might see you as someone who has strong boundaries and little bit mysterious. While you’re approachable and kind, you don’t just let anyone get close to you. At the same time, people see you as someone who has their life together, dependable and trustworthy. People might say that while you’re friendly, they know there’s deeper side to you that they haven’t seen yet. This sense of well guarded makes other curious.

People see that you’re well groomed and elegant. You might don’t like flashy clothes or bold makeup, you might prefer lighter and softer makeup that shows elegance and refined look. You’re physically appealing to to others not just because of your features but also your warmth and guardedness. You look effortlessly put together.

How your past life influences you now: in past life, you held position of authority or influence and this energy carries into this lifetime. In your past life you might have been a leader. While in this life you may not actively seek power, others can still sense your inner authority. You could also come from a powerful family in this lifetime.

How can you embrace your uniqueness: you thrive when you’re allowed to be independent and follow your own path. One of the things that makes you stand out is your ability to live life on your own terms. You don’t follow the crowd and you’re not scared to make choices that reflect who you truly are. When you embrace this freedom you inspire others to do same.

You might be type of person who choose unconventional career paths or life goals and others admire you for it. Your ability to live authentically and confidently makes you stand out as someone who’s both independent and true to yourself.

Random signs that might resonates with you: libra rising, Taurus Venus, Saturn in 10H, cancer moon, moon in 4H, 8H placements, leo midheaven, libra in big 6, batman?, red colour, bracelets collector, dying hair blonde, beach lover, social butterfly

Pile 5

Cards: 5 of wands rx, 8 of pentacles, The Womb, Rider, Maritimer, The Age of Light.

Your core traits: you stand out because of your ability to remain calm and focused. You’re not the type to be caught up in drama or competition, you naturally avoid conflict and more interested in honing your skills and just improving your abilities. You are a dedicated, hardworking and prefer to quietly perfect what you do instead of seeking the spotlight. People notice your strong work ethic and peaceful energy. You are the “quiet achiever”, you get things done without needing to make a big fuss.

I’m seeing that some of you might love to learn languages, painting and coding. You’re a productive person.

Your hidden quality: you have a nurturing and creative energy that people not immediately notice. You’re person who provides safe space to others. When someone is going through hard times instead of giving harsh or loud opinions or trying to fix it you try to make them feel heard and understood. You also have so many new creative ideas and you like to create many things that is meaningful and useful. I’m seeing that you are an inventor even if it’s not something that is worldwide level.

How others perceived you: people see that you always move forward and seek new opportunities, you’re always on the look of something better even that you’re doing it in calm way. In career or personal life people notice that you’re constantly improving yourself , learning new skills, taking new projects etc. you like to try many new things. I’m seeing also a scene where you and others are talking about new activities or course, while others might say they’ll look into it, you’ve already signed up. You’re the person people come to when they want to know latest trends or opportunities.

I’m seeing that you have a practical and approachable look. Your style is simple, elegant. I’m seeing some of you likes to wear flowy dress. Simple pastel colour tops with cutbray jeans. Some of you likes to wear blue because you want to be seen more lighthearted or you just simply love ocean.

How your past life influences you now: in past life you may have been an explorer or traveler, connected to the sea. Now you still have natural curiosity of the world and quiet sense of adventure. Even if you’re not actively travelling the world, you have spirit that’s always looking for the next things to learn and explore.

You might be drawn to documentaries about faraway places , you may have list full of adventures you want to go on. you might also loves going to ocean and going on cruises. You’re not afraid to experience new things even if it comes with some risks. In life, you’re willing to take chances on new career paths, relationships etc because you know it brings growth and knowledge.

How can you embrace your uniqueness: you’ve been preparing for this lifetime of quiet mastery and growth over many lifetimes. This is your time to embrace your purpose and trust that everything you’ve been working toward is aligning perfectly. You might have moments where you doubt if you’re on the right path. But rest assured that all of your efforts are building toward something bigger.

Random signs that might resonates with you: Capricorn sun, cancer in big 6, Taurus placements , Pisces placements, 9H placements, 4H placements, Gemini sun, Sagittarius Venus, love to curl hair, loves writing, wearing long skirts, Jade, doing TikTok dance, headband, travelling to Arabic countries.

[atoriv-art]

what are your thoughts on the hyuga siblings and their relationship

OOF now thats one of my favorite naruto dynamics lmao. i think neji and hinata have a very interesting relationship and i say that as someone who really didn't (and tbh still doesn't) love how that relationship developed in canon

i really like the hyuga fight in the chunin exams because the way it's perceived is sooo interesting to me.. neji comes off as an outright bully and i don't even blame the kids for calling him an asshole after all of that, but from reader's perspective it's really obvious that his animosity only exists because of a larger issue...

neji shouldn't treat hinata the way he does, but he does so because of her unique position as a scorned heir. she still benefits from everything that makes his life awful - her life is still valued more than his - but hiashi hates her enough that he won't care if neji dishes out verbal abuse on her. it's an awful dynamic and definitely contributes to hinata's terrible self-worth, but it's a symptom of the life they have been forced into by the man who the manga is intent on letting escape all of the blame for this situation lmao

(hiashi himself can be a really fascinating case honestly. i think he fully means everything he says, which is what makes him so grating but fun to me LOL. his apology to neji is entirely sincere AND it completely misses the point of all of the issues, but neji is young and deprived of acknowledgement enough that he accepts it wholeheartedly. hiashi thinks he's the best uncle of all time.)

hinata herself has so little belief in her own worth that she just sits there and takes whatever abuse people throw at her... i don't actually think neji's anger towards her was a constant - i think some people interpret it that way - rather i feel like it was something that came up whenever he was pushed too far. in more normal circumstances where he's not being made to fight her directly, he was likely more detached than anything. he wanted nothing to do with her.

in one of the filler mini arcs ive mentioned before (i think. the one that focuses on hanabi and hinata) there's a scene that rang very true to me (and im gonna recount this without rewatching it atm so sorry if i get details wrong,): neji was being made to train with hinata, asked to be allowed to leave because he felt his time was being wasted and correctly noted that it doesn't have to be him here, was told no by hiashi and then he started getting vicious and violent. towards hinata, of course, not hiashi. he then got horribly punished for it LOL i think that's the general dynamic they were living in, neji reaches a limit of disrespect that he can take and explodes on the nearest most acceptable target (we loove a boy with no emotional regulation <3), goes too far and suffers the consequence of it while nothing else changes. to him interacting with hinata at all is just asking for pain, either emotional or straight up physical

But, for hinata, she saw herself and neji as similar (the black sheep of the family i suppose), and would have liked to bond over that fact; theyve known each other since they were very little and she outright refers to him as a brother. it's clear to me she's always cared a lot about neji and imo feels responsible for what happened to his father (something that hiashi doesn't help with. Dad of the year), so she saw their match in the exams as a chance to close the distance between them and get neji to see her as a person, an equal instead of a symbol to lash out on.

but, you know, she was 12 LMAO so she ended up pressing all of his buttons instead and it led to his famous outburst, which led to the famous moment of Every Single Jonin (other than asuma.) coming to stop him and further cementing his belief that her life is seen as special. i think (and this is a mix of Shit I Made up, and Me trying to make sense of the manga's insane mishandling of their plotline) that despite her trying her hardest to reach neji she didn't really grasp the horror of his situation. that's the tragedy of neji's life really LMAO, no one really tries to grapple with the severity of what having that curse mark does to a person. she thought of his fatalism as more of a psychological, metaphorical way of dealing with hurt and not like... "my life literally does not belong to me no matter how much i try to fight it"

this is loooooong take this readmore.

i think hiashi-hizashi were hoping that the cousins could have had a better relationship than they did... letting them hang out often and stuff, introducing them early, hizashi not discouraging neji from being friendly with her, to me it all reads as very "ok well this didn't work for Us, but what if it works out for them... even though literally nothing has changed". they were proper family once and hizashi wanted to die for his brother, not his leader, so that just makes sense to me.

i do nautttt like the naruto vs neji fight so to keep the post positive i will gloss over it <3 but hinata and neji's relationship post-chunin exams to me is peak like. God i wish this was done better because it could have been soooo good

neji realizes that his anger is consuming him and adjusts his behavior accordingly, getting a lot of his kindness back, and he becomes intent on fixing his relationship with hinata... i don't hate that premise at all, it's just the way it's executed that bothers me!

the impression i got (and i could be mistaken im in the process of rewatching the anime + rereading the manga) is that their relationship getting better is done exclusively through like. neji repenting for being mean to her. which, don't get me wrong, he SHOULD apologize (AND THAT WOULDVE BEEN A COOL THING TO SEE ONSCREEN, BTW) but you CANNOT divorce his behavior from the hyuga system in general. from the way they act after the exams you would think their issues were born solely from neji being a bully for no reason, and not, like... him lashing out on her because his uncle is literally the devil.

i don't think hinata has the power to change a lot in her clan on short notice (she did get disowned. did that un-happen offscreen? we will never know. Hiashi gets to be a grandfather to her children btw.) but i certainly would have liked to see her standing up for branch members and in the stuff i draw that's the story i have in mind LMAO. like, her gaining a deeper understanding of neji's situation and trying to work against her father trying to make her cousin's life better? i think that would have been really sweet and even show her gaining more confidence in herself and her beliefs. you can still have neji fussing over her and being protective because he feels bad for how they used to be, i actually really like that because neji IS a very sweet person, i just reject the idea that it's his sole Moral Obligation to put everything aside and make things better by the power of I Will Die For You Now, But This Time, For The Right Reasons

as for hanabi i wish she had more screentime soooo bad because i'm obsessed with how she gives off Haunted Child vibes lmfao. talking abt her requires me to expose myself a little bit and have to admit hiashi is kind of a blorbo to me because of how much he sucks ass, but like. Essentially his insane resentment of hinata was born when hizashi died, it doesnt matter it wasn't really her fault, he needed someone to blame and he would never blame himself, at least not outwardly lol. hiashi did genuinely love his brother, it just didn't stop him from being a monster to him, and he is certainly not gonna grapple with that now that he's dead!

(and, you know, the whole "sorry we sent a guy to kidnap an heir. you do need to die for killing him though" thing is really dumb but if we stop at every single stupid thing in naruto we will be here all day.)

with all that being said i think hiashi tries his best to make hanabi everything hinata isn't, and he has very little interest in having her and hinata have any bond at all. he just left neji and hinata to fester in that god-awful dynamic with no supervising, and took hanabi as the best direction for the clan to head towards. but, you know, father of the year is very demanding and doesn't seem to be very fatherly to her at all from the little we see of them. she's just like. a good soldier, and that's what he needs.

i think hanabi growing to resent her sister for the situation she's been put into (if hinata weren't 'weak' she wouldn't have so much responsibility) is very interesting! by the time we meet her i think she's learned that the best thing to do wrt her sister is to just ignore that she exists. as for neji he barely registers as a presence to her; neji has no reason to interact with her and hiashi has no reason to incentivize it. it's very fun to me!

in general i really like all of their dynamics can be used to explore how hurt and trauma drive people apart, i could talk about them for hourssss LMAO i love the suna family for the same reason!

[artificialchaoscola]

My Sonic OC : D I'm still working out what I want her to be exactly but this is what I have so far! Will probably add to/change things later!

Name: Arti

Pronouns: She/Her

Species: Mobian - Tiger Shark

Height: 121.9 cm - 4 ft

Occupation: G.U.N. Agent - Search and Rescue (Water Division)

Alignment: Lawful Neutral/Neutral

Affiliations: G.U.N. Commander Abraham Tower, Team Dark

Personality: Reserved but (subtly) smug, Arti tends to speak with an air of quiet confidence that makes it hard to tell if she’s joking or completely serious. She doesn’t go out of her way to explain herself, and when she does speak, it’s often with dry, offbeat remarks that leave people either amused or confused. She’s not unfriendly, just... a little out there, like she’s operating on a wavelength others don’t quite grasp. She might not always engage in conversation, but when she does, there’s often a knowing glint in her eye, like she’s two steps ahead of everyone else and enjoying the fact that they haven’t caught up yet.

Despite her social quirks, she’s incredibly task-driven and doesn’t tolerate distractions when there’s work to be done. She moves with purpose, efficient and methodical, but there’s an almost unsettling ease to the way she handles high-pressure situations... Such is how aquatic Mobians live beneath the sea, where danger lurks in every inch of its depths...

Motivations: She enjoys the discipline and structure of her work. Chaos is inevitable in rescue situations, but she thrives in it because she’s the one bringing order. There’s satisfaction in executing a plan flawlessly and knowing she was the deciding factor in a life-or-death moment. She doesn’t think of herself as a hero, but she still does her job well because she enjoys the work itself. There’s no need for gratitude or recognition. Once the mission is over, she moves on without looking back.

Likes: blood, surface-Mobian jewelry (particularly gold)

Dislikes: the smell of oil, heat

Favorite/Least Favorite Food: salmon and squid/vegetables

Fears: lava, deserts, Metal Sonic.

Powers: Scent - Arti can smell blood up to a quarter of a mile beneath the water with supreme accuracy, making her the ideal candidate for Search and Rescue. (Note... Arti has no unique powers ; she can do what every other Tiger Shark is capable of.) On land, while she can still smell traces of blood a fair distance away, the location of it is difficult for her to track.

Abilities:

Swimming: Plenty of aquatic Mobians are excellent swimmers who keep moving beneath the water for miles and miles without losing stamina. Shark Mobians, as predatory animals, have heightened agility, allowing them to swim forward at incredible speeds for short periods. Arti has trained herself to maintain high speeds for above-average durations. At present, she is the fastest G.U.N. Agent in the water.

Jaw: Even the weakest Shark species have an incredible bite force, easily tearing through wood and steel. Arti uses this to break debris, fight Eggman robots, and gain access to otherwise dangerous underwater territory.

Claws: Shark Mobians have incredibly sharp claws made of cartilage to assist with swimming and hunting prey. Arti uses this to fight when needed.

Hand-to-Hand Combat: All G.U.N. Agents are trained in hand-to-hand combat, and she can defend herself well. She is also trained with G.U.N. firearms and weapons, though she dislikes using them.

Weaknesses:

Fighting Style: While Arti has been trained in hand-to-hand combat and self-defense, it is worth noting that Tiger Sharks have an ambush-style way of hunting. In the ocean, one faces creatures with equal or greater capabilities daily, so head-on combat is ill-advised.

Air: Aquatic Mobians, although able to breathe within both air and water, must remain hydrated to remain healthy. Too long without water could be fatal.

Land: Arti is not fast on land - get her out of the water if you want to win. Fight from a distance to avoid her claws and jaws, and success is guaranteed.

[another-goblin]

Spoilers for 2.3

Some thoughts, speculations, and headcanons about our little dialogue with Ratio (+more)

1. This tells me that Ratio and Aventurine are friends (or as close to being friends as both of them are currently capable of, which isn't much, but still). Yes, what Aventurine thinks about TB could have been them discussing their mission. But I choose to think that they just chat with each other sometimes, because they actually enjoy it. Aventurine feels comfortable enough to just share what he thinks about the people he meets, and he knows that Ratio is interested in his opinions, and he's right. He listens and takes note. btw people being actual friends is my favorite trope for romantic couples.

2. Ratio seeing his relationships with Aventurine, and our TB, and people in general as a teacher and a student and being constantly in his teacher mode made me think. Probably all significant relationships in his life were those of a teacher and a student. He cannot see himself in any other role because he has never experienced it himself. I wouldn't be surprised if even his parents provided him with knowledge and education instead of parental love. This may also be why he's so frustrated with people who don't fit these two roles: normal people not interested in bettering themselves through education, students who don't take studying seriously, most scholars, and especially the Geniuses, for not actively sharing their knowledge or doing anything to uplift humanity.

3. Ratio seeing their relationship with Aventurine in particular this way is appropriately weird and a bit unhealthy, in my opinion (but what did we expect from him), considering that they are undeniably close. But that's probably the only way he knows to show his care for somebody:  to teach them stuff and help them better themselves.

4. On Avenrutine's side, he seems amused by it, in a good way (the way he playfully refers to Ratio in the descriptions of some of the 2.1 quests, "Your professor friend," and so on). He even seems to be a bit proud that an actual professor has taken an interest in him.

5. But what can he teach Aventurine? He might share his actual knowledge. I think the "Death" and "Dormancy" part of his note is him doing that. But he mostly sees his duty as a teacher in showing people that they can achieve a lot by themselves if they stop relying on higher beings who don't care about them and start relying on themselves (with little help from Ratio.)

But "relying on himself and achieving things" is what Aventurine has been successfully doing most of his life. So is it the "little help from Ratio" that matters here? Or is he helping Aventurine stop relying on his supposedly supernatural luck and realize how capable he actually is?

6. This. (btw 'philosophical zombie' means "a being in a thought experiment in philosophy of mind that is physically identical to a normal human being but does not have conscious experience" (from wiki), so basically just some weird concept in philosophy.) But what an admirably in-depth knowledge of his 'not partner' he's showing here. Are you equally interested in the inner worlds of all your students, doc?…

7. Anyways, that reminded me of what Jade said about the Stonehearts, even using the same word 'void'. So. Aventurine has a void in his heart, caused by his inability to protect people he cares about. It's very significant that Diamond gave him the power of Preservation specifically to help him fill that void, to be finally able to protect somebody he cares about. The problem is, he doesn't have anyone to protect anymore (he doesn't even see himself as worthy of protection). Until recently. So, and I'm being extremely self-indulgent here, if Ratio got in danger, Aventurine protecting and saving him would fill the void in his heart. And btw what can boost one's self-worth more than protecting somebody who's important to you? I mean, he should snap out of that 'I'm only worth the money my slaveowner paid for me' mentality sooner or later, I hope.

(the problem is, I'm not sure how it can play out now that he doesn't have his stone anymore. And he lost it, not protecting anybody but nearly killing himself and furthering the IPC's agenda. Although doing something like that without the stone would be even more significant)

Also, I hope Ratio won't realize that, and won't deliberately put himself in danger for Aventurine to save him. You know, for educational purposes.

8. He just runs around helping people, making sure everybody's okay, and, emm, 'enhance their living', that's his thing.  And even broadly speaking, with his scientific discoveries, and him saving people on Herta station. And considering that 'everybody's my student' thing, I feel like he sees himself as responsible for everybody (in his own way).

And some people still think that he's selfish and egoistic. He even gets angry when we ask for an autograph:

9. Aaand that's the third time he disappeared in the middle of a conversation involving Aventurine. I understand him, though. As somebody who also 'detests noisy gatherings', group chats aren't much better.

------

ok this was supposed to be hidden in tags but i think tumblr found it too scandalous or something i don't know, i'll just leave it here: the more I write about Ratio, the stronger the urge to just call him Rat, you know, lovingly also whoops sorry, I'm physically incapable of writing short posts, it was supposed to be a short comment about their friendship, how much content can I squeeze out of a half-minute long dialogue?, the answer is yes, but I just had to get it out of my system

[shin-tsucommunist]

quick analysis of the imitation art:

i might expand on this later if i think of anything else

damon- presumably the kid he's watching pet the cat is his younger self? he's smiling, but definitely seems melancholy. i think he's looking back on the person he used to be before he was an ultimate.

eva: i think this is representative of how she wants to be someone else with a better, more interesting talent. the blonde girl has her head raised slightly higher, showing she's more confident. also, if you combine the two you get eva's normal design, so this probably shows eva the ultimate mathlete with the person she pretended to be to seem cooler- the two of them combined make up the eva we see in the killing game.

desmond: okay so. this one's relatively clear, but still pretty interesting. he's being run through with spears, while the people holding them have arrows in their backs in places that would likely be fatal. the way the light from the spears is arranged around his head looks like a halo. he's also smiling, with his eyes closed. he's referred to as 'the key' as well, so it shows that desmond will likely sacrifice himself and die a martyr, and his death will be the key to the group's survival. also, the others having arrows through their backs suggest that desmond harmed them. maybe some kind of dr2 chapter 4 situation? or he's a traitor?

eloise: i honestly have no idea. it's pretty clear that she has some sort of anxiety disorder, so 'the hunt' may have something to do with what happened to her to cause that? she looks younger and is clearly afraid. or maybe she's running away from the violent side she shows in her ftes. either way this one's pretty ominous

toshiko: again, i'm not sure. the version of toshiko in the school uniform is glitchy, while kimono toshiko looks uncomfortable and slightly afraid. the blur across school uniform toshiko's mouth is really interesting as in the original photo, the girl's face is exposed, meaning that the blur was added for this image of toshiko specifically, and afaik toshiko is never shown with her mouth uncovered. also, she's placing the mask over kimono toshi's mouth. she looks gentle and protective. i'm guessing this means toshiko covers her face as a way to protect herself somehow, maybe due to something traumatic she experienced in school?

wenona: this is a really confusing one. it might show that she's hiding parts of herself? the yellow eyes with slit pupils are definitely the eyes of a predator, but beyond that i'm not certain. the water's murky.

ulysses: ok. this is obviously related to his talent as the ultimate historian. the way i interpreted it is that the fungus and roots pushing through the classical statue represent how studying history tends to give you a negative view of humanity. the statue seems beautiful, but there's decay growing through it, and its eyes are blank and dead, its head broken and lying at its feet (i don't really know how to phrase this, so i might talk about this if i make a post about my ulysses theory). the floor is covered in water, which obviously is reflective, which might be showing how rotten parts of history reflect back onto modern people's actions? it's also worth noting that ulysses has his back turned to this, and isn't wearing his glasses. it could also represent his deteriorating state of mind? i can't see what the notebook says unfortunately

mark: the guy in the hospital bed looks a lot like mark, so it could be a family member he's lost or will lose soon. if he's from a country without free healthcare, he might have started producing music to pay for their treatment? 'the choice' might be suggesting that he made the choice to abandon this person in order to attend eden's garden academy. or, and i think this is equally plausible, it's mark himself in the bed. he's pale, skinny, and extremely underweight, which suggests he isn't in good health. also, his eyes are fixed forwards instead if at the man in the bed and he looks afraid, suggesting he's looking at the future. i'm not sure what 'the choice' would mean in the context of this, though. or a past suicide attenpt, maybe? the guy in the bed looks older than mark, though.

diana: i can't really find anything that interesting. i know there's another, much more interesting official art of her so i'll probably talk about that one at some point. she is manually drawing the heart, though, and it'll fade away once she stops.

wolfgang: like everything else, this shows wolfgang as having two parts. his good side -the sheep- is kneeling on the ground praying, while the wolf is bringing a knife down onto his head. the crown he's wearing is crooked, and his expression is desperate. two hands are holding onto him, which probably represent his parents forcing him to be crueler than he really is. the sheep is smiling, suggesting that wolfgang is happy to lose his good side to please his parents. 'not like you' suggests that wolfgang is beginning to rebel against others', especially his father's, expectations of him.

kai: butterflies represent change, and the pair of legs shown in the mirror are kai's. this shows kai looking at his old self. the change represented by the butterflies is probably (and hopefully) that he's trans. his position might also suggest drug abuse or an eating disorder?

jett: this one is interesting. i like the theory that the jett in the killing game isn't the real one and was actually responsible for jett's death, which is why he hasn't removed his suit. you can also see 'confess' engraved on the base of the trophy, and 'here l'' on its main body-presumably the full is 'here lies'. there are also a pair of vengeful-looking eyes on the trophy. it might be the real jett though, and referring to the death of his career after the accident? or he caused the accident and someone else died. the face on the trophy might show what's left of his own?

ingrid: people look to ingrid for help. she's usually the person providing comfort, and is one of the most common speakers in trials. the hands might represent people grabbing onto her for comfort and help. her facial expression and tilted head, as well as the way the light shines directly on her, frames her in an angelic way. however, her eyes are blank, suggesting that she views helping and comforting others as simply 'an obligation'. her talent too, probably, if it's a family business.

grace: the original photo is atarashii gakkou :D (obviously this is completely irrelevant, i just love atarashii gakkou.) the group of friends is just four different versions of grace. there are rabbit ears drawn above the central grace's head. rabbits are often associated with being gentle and passive, which contrasts with the baseball bat grace is holding. edit: the other girls are eva, wenona, and diana. i guess that means grace is driving her friends away again? back to history repeating itself. huh.

jean: he's the man holding the gun, with only his shadow shown in the image. this means that he may have used to be a pirate, which is why he reacts so strongly to being called one, and that his past still casts a shadow over him.

cassidy: i don't have much for this one either, but i think her lack of a mouth represents that she is afraid to say the wrong thing around her fans, and repressing parts of her personality to fit their expectations of her. the version of her in the back is the real cassidy, as opposed to streamer cassidy.

cara: yeah there's a lot here. i kinda want to make another post about my theory about the game as a whole, but here's the rundown: cara's death is the 'reason' the killing game is taking place. she's represented by a faceless mannequin because the participants don't know who she is, and the crown placed on her head signifies her importance to the game. she's stitched to the ground with thread which resembles blood and ringed by blood. her head and dress are similar colours to the wall, making the blood the centre of attention. the participants don't care who she was, only that she was murdered.

this doesn't make much sense as i am very dehydrated and sleep deprived and also coming up with all of this on the spot but oh well, if you have better theories or anything to add or something please please give me them/gen

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

Someone may have already had this take but uh.

Leo and Forrest right. Leo is deemed as phobic to Forrest by a lot of fans, BUT, I like to think that Leo just so happens to be projecting his childhood (ie mostly his relationship with his mother) and is struggling to overcome it. Like, guy doesn’t know what a good parent really is, for starters he was a child borne out of wedlock from a woman apart of a harem, who was competing with other women and children to become the next queen. Already at the lowest of the low despite having dragon’s blood in him.

Leo already has self esteem issues of trying to become better and or equal to Xander, likely stuck in his head by his mother so she could be recognized as the woman who raised him if he struck stardom with Garon. She very much held high expectations for him, and after she died he held onto them. It has made tension with his relation with his siblings especially Xander as noted for their entire support.

Because he had Forrest during the war - while he was still struggling with those thoughts - he embodied what his mother was to him; image and fighting skill is everything, surpass those that are higher in status and skill only then will you be recognized as someone of worth. Forrest just so happened to do neither, as he went against social norms with his appearance and chose to be a healer instead of a fighter.

Luckily, Leo snapped out of it at least some of it by the end of Forrest’s prologue, but he still has a long way to go.

Anyway that’s my two cents. Enjoy Ꮚ`ꈊ´Ꮚ

..

[exilethegame]

For pure angst and evil purposes, how easy would it be to make ROs cry?

Alright, here's them rated hardest to make cry to easiest-- and keep note, this is specifically in the context of someone trying to hurt their feelings (and them knowing). Because the order would change in so many ways for so many different things (who cries most under stress, who cries most if someone they care for is hurt, etc, etc)

Hardest to easiest: Sabir, Jost, Nikke + Syfyn, Amilia, Vethna

Freedom (is their own thing)

Sabir: Sabir, in general, is a vulnerable person. He likes being honest when he's not in "politician mode", likes sharing his feelings, feels comfort in openly showing his emotions which includes crying. But if for whatever reason someone starts really trying to hurt his feelings, that man can just... shut them off. I mean really turn off his emotions. It's honestly unsettling, and probably very disturbing. You won't be able to make him cry. Like... you just won't.

That being said, there are some people I don't think Sabir could ever muster the strength to do that to. It's not that he's not capable of it, it's that he'd rather be open and allow himself to be hurt by the person he loves than ever shut them out. (Looks at evil MCs nervously...)

Jost: Jost is pretty similar to Sabir, except she's always on the emotional defensive. She doesn't let people in ever, and because of that, it's hard to get a sad reaction from her. That being said, Jost is like... hilariously easy to piss off but that can go from being funny to being really upsetting to witness real quick. Because of that, I think it's possible, if you keep pressing hard enough, to make Jost cry from anger and rage. But you'd have to keep her cornered, cause she'd try to make a run for it before that could happen.

Nikke + Syfyn: They're tied! They both have pretty strong brave faces, but at their core, they're both such loyal and dedicated people that their strong face would crack, inevitably. Seeing someone they care for lash out at them, use their weaknesses against them, would be enough to make them start breaking down. But it wouldn't be soft crying. It'd be angry, defensive, confused. And they'd both probably storm off at the end and retreat into themselves. The only difference is Syfyn is terrible at holding a grudge and keeping a cold shoulder (MC snapping is a *cough* exception), and Nikke is a little too good at it.

Amilia: Amilia, honestly, is probably equal to Nikke + Syfyn in terms of how much you'd have to throw at her to make her actually start crying, but she's a lot more vulnerable. She won't hide the fact she's becoming upset, she'll beg for the other person to just stop, and when they don't... she'd just start crying. Not ugly crying, not breaking down, but she'd make no attempt to hide her tears as she sniffles. I think Amilia is comfortable in that sadness in a way the others aren't, and she has no problem being blunt in that sadness-- asking the other person if they're happy they made her hurt (and genuinely asking, not just saying it to spite them). It's hard to explain... maybe I'll get the chance to write it... in game... (*looks at camera dramatically*)

Vethna: Don't. Please don't. If someone close to Vethna, at this point, just straight up turned on them and started throwing shit at their face in a fight to purposely hurt them and was just outwardly downright malicious, Vethna wouldn't even put up a fight. They'd probably try to look indignant, nonchalant, and unfazed, throwing a witty, sharp retort your way... but that would probably last a total of ten seconds before they just start crying. I get this image in my head of Vethna almost seeming child-like when they cry-- pouted lips, huffing breaths, avoiding the other person's gaze. I think Vethna has too many "sore spots" in their self-worth and confidence to be able to handle something like that with any sort of grace. But the worst part is I think that leaves them very susceptible to manipulation. Vethna craves approval from the people around them, so it would be easy to use their vulnerability against them.

Freedom: Okay, Freedom is just hovering all around because emotions are so wonderfully bizarre and strange to/for them. I don't think you could make Freedom cry if you were just like... "I'm gonna be a dick because I'm annoyed or angry" and started insulting them. They'd just look at you with a raised brow and vaguely amused expression. But if someone was close to them, and genuinely upset by something Freedom did, and that person was hurt and fighting back tears and lashing out as a response... then I believe that would make Freedom cry. MC + Freedom are very innately connected, and I think feeling the weight of those emotions on them if they're close would be enough to make Freedom start crying... and then become incredibly confused by it. They're definitely a pretty crier though-- like, their face is all stone-still and then their tears run down all dramatically...

[highseas-swede]

Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

[hinamie]

i normally don’t contribute much of my opinions on chapter content n themes bc a. i think my role in fandom spaces is that of a fanartist and I want to keep my art at the forefront, and b. I am Insecure about how little of the manga I have actually consumed and don’t think I have a solid foundation on which i can offer any coherent arguments or insight. generally I like to leave the long meta 2 people who have been genuinely invested in delving into the manga with the intent of analyzing it . y'all do gods work u are the reason i am not flying through this series completely blind

that being said, i am not here to give criticism on pacing or story cohesion bc quite simply, that is not my wheelhouse. i do, however, want to offer my 2 cents on the concept of choosing to live for others as someone who (like a lot of people is the vibe i’m getting) also struggles w depression and self-worth issues and sees aspects of themselves in megumi as a result. i want to reiterate tht this is not an analysis, these r just my gojo voice personal feelings n u r allowed 2 feel differently based on your own experience :)

let me just say first of all that I can 100% empathize with people wanting to see megumi choose to live fr himself after a lifetime spent in a system notorious fr stripping people of their agency and turning them into tools. i think in a perfect world he Does come to the realization that he’s worth living for. but i also think that him /not/ having crossed that bridge yet is also a very valid n realistic outcome. he's a kid, he's just had the worst experience of his life, he's traumatized and then some -- i only have a bachelor's in psychology and god knows i'm no doctor but personally i wouldn't call that a mental space where self-love is likely to stick

it’s hard to claw yourself out from rock bottom. to expect someone to immediately be able to make the transition from being in the worst mental state of their life to realizing that they are worthy as a person is a tall order that i honestly don't think many people wld b able to fulfil. /I/ certainly haven’t been, and living for others has honestly been what’s kept me going for a long fucking time. even when I’m not necessarily at a low point, I still rly struggle w liking myself n thinking i’m a good person, but what’s been a genuine lifeline fr me when i can't love myself is to direct that love Outwards. If nothing else I know that I have things I can create, and things I can offer others. I've spent countless hours forcing myself to acknowledge that, no matter how much i don’t believe them, if the people around me insist that they see something of value in me or in my work; something tht makes them love me Despite, then that alone is worth staying alive for.

i personally (although i can see how others wld disagree) don’t view the 'living for others' frame of mind as waiting for someone to save you, but rather as holding out hope that there is More out there than your own self-loathing will let you believe. For megumi, it wld seem that his something more was the people he cares about. Yuuji gave him the agency to choose whether or not to keep living, and megumi made that decision of his own accord, which fr someone at their absolute lowest is still a huge achievement! there was agency in that decision, there was selfishness--regardless of the underlying motivation it proved that he /wants/ to live. little side note but i think that megumi Making a selfish decision to live for others' sake should also give a bit of hope that he does have it in him to eventually be able to b equally selfish in the value he places on himself.

anyway that's what i got source: i'm depressed . n look i get that with so little of jjk left, it Is frustrating that we probably Won't see megumi come to the conclusion that he's worthy and that he should live for and love himself. but at the same time i don't think that his decision to keep living for others should b condemned either, bc as someone who has also yet to cross that bridge, sometimes that rly is the first step

[robo-writing]

NSFW Alphabet - Clive Rosfield Edition

Pairing: Clive Rosfield/Reader

Rating: Explicit, 18+, minors DNI

Author’s Note: Might've gone overboard, this ended up being 2.7k words!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Clive makes it his personal mission to make you as comfortable as possible both during and after sex. His arms become your own personal cocoon, kissing your forehead as he cradles you closer. “I didn’t hurt you did I?” Clive asks, checking over you once, twice, before you have to stop him with a hand to his chest. “I’m fine, really, you didn’t do anything that I wasn’t actively encouraging.” You lay a kiss to the hand resting on your cheek, enjoying the smile that blooms on his face. “Are you sure?” He studies your nude body concerned, lightly rubbing the indents where his hands gripped you. You nod. “I’m sure. Now come, lay with me.”

“As you wish.” He answers, moving to hold you close.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

It might sound cheesy but he genuinely enjoys watching you smile, it brightens his day like nothing else. For him, it’s his arms, because you get so giddy when he lifts you for a hug, legs dangling in the air. The two of you are walking side by side through a meadow, a rare day of peace where Clive can simply enjoy being in the moment with you. You had insisted on a break, and now that he’s here he feels a sense of calm wash over him. Your stumbling form brings him out of his head, moving quickly to catch you before you fall. “Are you alright?” You both look down, a huff of annoyance escaping you. “Just tripped over some rocks, I’ll be fine.” A closer look and the road ahead is a bit uneven. He couldn’t risk you falling and hurting yourself, so his next course of action was obvious.

Within seconds you find yourself lifted bridal-style in his arms, holding onto his tunic in shock. “What—Clive?” Your legs dangle in the air, secured by strong arms beneath you. You look at him, waiting. His tone is genuine, but the pleased smirk he wears tells another tale. “I can’t have my lady walking in such dangerous conditions, what kind of man would I be?” You raise an eyebrow in knowing, aware that he just wanted an excuse to hold you. “You could’ve just asked me, you know.” He nods in agreement. “Yes, I could have. But this is more fun.”

You feel yourself laugh in his arms as he walks, an ever-present smile on his face.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves the sight of his cum dripping from you, but equally hates the smug look Tarja gives him when he asks for some medicine the day after. He’ll settle for finishing on your stomach to save himself the embarrassment but if you want to watch every thought exit his brain ask him to come inside you, he’ll never say no.

“My love,” he grunts, the scruff of his beard tickling your neck. He’s pushed himself as far as he can go, unwilling to separate for a second. “Tell me to stop, please—“

His movements are uncoordinated, single-minded in their attempt to bring you pleasure. You can barely hear him past the sound of your own moans, but your legs bring him closer either way. “Don’t, stay, please—“

Something snaps in his brain, his thrusts move even faster, a hand on your hip to keep you steady as his hips cant deliciously into yours. “Founder help me, you feel so good, fuck—!”

He cries your name as he stumbles off the edge, a violent shudder moving through his body. When he finally gathers himself he looks down at you through lidded eyes, a dopey grin stretched across your face.

“A smile like that means I must have done well.” He breathes, shallow and ragged. He watches his seed spill from you captivated, a single finger moving to spread you apart and watch more of him drip from you.

Tarja be damned, this was worth it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Wants to be submissive to you, wants to just lay back and take whatever you have to give, but the poor boy doesn’t know how to express it. It might have to take some detective work from you, but if you ever figure it out he’s putty in your hands.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He had no previous lovers besides you, but he isn’t totally oblivious, trust me when I say he’s eager to learn.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Good ol’ missionary, also enjoys doggystyle. Something about the sound of you screaming his name into the pillow drives him wild.

Muffled noises leave your lips, a beautiful song of his name harmonizing perfectly with the sound of his hips meeting yours. You’re pressed perfectly beneath him, arched just the way he likes it, a hand running down your back appreciatively.

He finds himself grinning at another whine of his name, fully draping himself over you. His lips meet your ear as the force of his thrusts increases, legs shaking in an attempt to keep up with his brutal pace.

“Just like that my love, you’re doing so well.”

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

To him, having sex is his way of showing his love for you, and he’s very serious about that. He’ll crack a smile or two, but if you joke around too much he’ll probably look at you confused before starting again, making sure that this time you’re too preoccupied to try.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He does keep himself trimmed regularly, a habit from his days as a former royal. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Having sex with Clive is a declaration of his love to you, every action speaks to you in a profound way that extends beyond just pleasure. There's something so affectionate about being with Clive, every action fulfilling a need you were never aware of. His touch, a declaration of his love, his words devout.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Moderate sex drive, doesn’t really jerk off and if the urge does rise, he’d rather just go to you. On the off-chance he does partake it’s very quick, driving himself to pleasure as fast as possible with a hand on his mouth to silence himself.

You had left early in the morning while he was still asleep and when he woke up he found himself missing you, which then evolved into him missing your body, how soft it was under his hands, how it moved for him as he explored it. Further and further did his imagination take him under his fingers squeezed at his hardening cock, a sigh leaving him as he freed himself from his nightwear. 

He wanted to take his time but the thought of you made him frantic, hand moving faster and faster against his length. Just when he felt that blinding sensation build up in his core the door opened abruptly, the shock causing him to halt in fear before he realized it was you who walked in.

A look of shock, then of lust passed through your face. “Of all the things I expected to find, this was not on the list.”

Clive moves to apologize, reaching for a blanket to cover himself before he’s stopped by your hands at his wrist. 

You eye him up and down, pulling the blanket further away as you sit at his side, lips kissing softly at his neck. He’s confused, hesitant to move from his spot.

“My love?” He asks, looking up and down at you. His cock is still throbbing with need, even more so now that you’re touching him, breath hitched when your fingers trace against his length.

You whisper into his skin, breathy. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here before, but I’m here now. Let me take care of you.”

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise kink - He’s always complimenting you one way or another, whether that’s on the battlefield or in the bedroom.

Body Worship - Truly believes you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he makes you feel like it too. If you’re insecure about anything, he’s going to make it his personal goal to show you how perfect you are.

Frottage - Sometimes the two of you are so eager that you can’t be bothered to take your clothes off. At times like this he’s content to watch you fall apart on his lap, only to have his hips stutter when your fingers press against his clothed erection. 

Size Difference - He can’t help the pride that swells in him when you can’t reach something and have to ask him for help, it makes him feel needed. He also can’t help how his dick throbs when you struggle to take it, the smallest little bump forming against your stomach when he pushes all the way in.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom, or if you’re on the road, a local inn. He prefers sex to be somewhere neither of you can be bothered.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Spending time with you, holding you close. It’s not unsurprising to have a hand “innocently” rest under your clothes and if anything else were to happen, well, that’s just a happy accident.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything pain-related, or anything that can draw blood. He doesn’t want to hurt you, so any and all weapons are off the table.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Has a preference for receiving rather than giving, only because the sight of you with his cock in your mouth makes him weak in the knees.

His hands are bundled in the sheets, hunched over, trying his best to control his hips. Your mouth laps at the head of his cock, and when you look up at him doe-eyed he nearly comes right then and there.

You love him when he’s like this, such a strong man reduced to his base form, struggling to contain himself under waves of euphoria. When you lift your mouth away he begs for you to return, only to silence himself when you put his hand in your hair.

“Go on,” you goad, licking a stripe against his length. You don’t miss how his fingers tighten in your locks. 

Your only warning is a groan of your name before he forces you to take every inch he has to give, a sinful grin curling at his lips when he feels you gag.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow, purposefully strokes, enjoys taking his time with you. Might treat you a bit rougher if he’s had a bad day, but he’ll apologize after and give you the best aftercare the world has ever seen.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If he’s short on time, sure, but he much prefers to take his time with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Like before, he isn’t experienced so any risks being taken would most likely be proposed by you. He’s up for trying anything once, so long as it isn’t dangerous.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Former Shield of Rosaria, as well as the Dominant of Ifrit? You’d be lucky if he breaks a sweat.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He probably wouldn’t think about them until you showed him one, all of a sudden a new world has been unlocked to him. This goes back to the dirty secret bit, but he’s also played around with the idea of you using them on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Likes to tease you, but can never commit to it because the moment you beg him to keep going he’s quick to give you whatever he wants.

He has you encased in his arms, back pressed against his front as his fingers move across your aching sex, so close and yet so far from what you need. 

He laughs at your frustration, keeping your legs held open with one hand while the other makes feather light touches against your exposed folds. He’s enjoying himself, but you’re fit to burst. 

“You look beautiful like this, a pleasure for my eyes only.” He whispers into your ear.

Even when he’s teasing you he’s a romantic, even if you’re ready to cry in dismay.

“Clive, I’m begging you—“ You reach a hand to his wrist, pressing his hand further to touch your clit. “Touch me, please.”

He looks down at your glassy eyes, and his heart tugs at the sight of you so desperate. He obliges without a second thought, enjoying the sound of your moans bouncing off the walls.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not a moaner, but a chatter. Likes to tell you exactly what you do to him as he fucks you.

“Founder, I could spend the rest of my days like this—“

A sharp thrust leaves you keening, a jumbled mess of what would be his name leaving your lips. The sound of his cock entering you is obscene, only made worse by your own voice crying out for him.

“—you, ah, you want that, right? Want me buried inside you until you can’t stand—“

He can barely finish a sentence without moaning, too far gone in the feeling of your wetness clenching around him. You don’t reply, but your body tells all, your back arching off the sheets.

“Ah, I knew you would,“ He hits that spot inside that has you seeing stars, and before you could scream he swallows whatever sound you make with his mouth against yours, sloppy and unrefined. 

When he’s satisfied, he pulls away to admire your supple body laid bare before him. With a growl, he continues. “Don’t worry, I want that too.”

He doesn’t stop moving, not for a second. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Likes to use Ifrit’s flames to keep you warm in the cold winter nights. It’s also an excuse to keep you close.

Even as you sit in front of the fireplace a chill is settling deep into your bones. After the third shudder you find yourself lifted into the air by a familiar pair of arms, enveloping you in a warmth that causes you to relax instantly.

“You didn’t have to Clive,” you murmur, moving closer into him. “The fireplace would have gotten me warm soon enough.”

He chuckles, the sound rumbling in his chest. “Would that have been before or after you turned into a block of ice?”

You smile at the joke, relaxing even further when he presses a kiss into your hair. He places you on the bed, quickly maneuvering himself behind you as a blanket of heat spreads across you.

“Sleep well, my dear. I’ll keep you warm instead.”

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

6 inches, very girthy, needs to work you up a bit before getting anything done, but once you’re nice and prepared you feel so full.

No matter how many times you’ve had sex, Clive always marvels at how tight you are, how small you look beneath him or how wide your eyes get when he rests himself at your entrance. 

The first time you had sex you had told him unsure, “I don’t think it’ll fit.” 

He proved you very wrong that night, as he did every night since. Even now, as your eyes roll back at the delicious stretch he provides, he’ll prove you wrong once more.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Moderate, he's always thinking about you and making sure you're comfortable.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

The moment he’s certain all your needs are met he’s falling asleep alongside you. Will also take some time in the morning just to admire you before he has to leave.