#but i knew if i fucked up even minutely then id lose it and get overwhelmed

[hella1975]

worked four sections today bc we were so understaffed. i had 20 tables. a normal section is about 5/6 tables. the way i didn't maul anyone will go down in the guiness book of world records as strongest silly guy alive

[zhaosbin]

zb1 and cockwarming?

cockwarming w/ zb1!

hanbin would be a little confused at first, not understanding why you'd want to do it, but he'd try anything for you! once he finally does try it...he can't get enough. he's obsessed with just being inside you so much that he'd probably "accidentally" fall asleep with his cock still deep inside of you..

as the biggest brat!hao enthusiast, it is my duty to say that hao would definitely use cockwarming as a punishment. he'd love seeing you close to tears while he's stationary inside of you, begging him to move even a little bit. the roles would reverse when hao is the one under you and you'd be the one laughing at his tears.

gyuvin is a little shit... he'd make you sit on his cock while he plays a game with one of his friends and tells you that he'll fuck you when the round ends, and then would proceed to play 5 more rounds while he mocks you as you beg for him to fuck you properly.

just had an insane thought... cockwarming with matthew as he's bench pressing?? imagine him laying flat against the bench while you're seated on top of his cock and every time he does a rep his cock would move inside of you the tiniest bit making you cry out in pleasure at the slight movement.

you and taerae would probably make a bet to see how long he would be able to last with ur mouth wrapped around his cock before losing control... you both knew his self control was awful when it came to you and he'd be thrusting into your mouth after three minutes 😭

i can see cockwarming with ricky being really sweet :( after he had a long and hard day at practice, his favorite form of stress relief is just being inside of you. the warm feeling of you wrapped around his cock and pressed up against his chest comforts him in a way that nobody else could.

jiwoong makes me feel insane... i can imagine being on his lap with his dick nestled deep into you, hands rubbing your back comfortingly as he leaves kisses and hickeys down your neck with a compliment leaving his lips after each one :( i feel like it would start in a sweet way but after doing this for an hour you could tell his plan was to torture you 😭

a/n: i decided to exclude gunwook from this one bc atm im only comfortable writing suggestive things for him and not full on smut yet. i hope everyone understands & id love to write anything else for gunwook! :)

[notiddygothgf]

4. Taste Like Nicotine

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ Go back to Himeno. ❞ ❝ No. That's not what you want. ❞

★ c.w.: suggestive themes, drinking (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: HELLO AGAIN MY POOKIE DOOKIES!! IM BACK AGAIN. bc i have nothing better to do atm and i wanted to give yall a lil sum sum before i moved away to uni. please excuse the pacing of this chapter -- this fanfic was supposed to be a oneshot and uh... now its 160 pages in google docs LMFAOOA.. things get spicy in this chapterrr! so yeah anyway, you know the drill, keep me entertained -- keep your funny little comments coming, I absolutely love reading them. You guys motivate me to keep going! Love yall

★ w.c.;4.1k

shameless ; chapter index

THE OFFICE WAS QUIET, the hum of fluorescent lights and the occasional rustling of papers the only sounds that broke the silence. You were alone, finishing up some last-minute paperwork after hours. The mission had gone surprisingly well—no casualties, a rare feat in your line of work. The team had even managed to kill a large Devil containing a piece of Gun Devil Flesh, a significant victory. Yet, instead of joining the others to celebrate, you had chosen to stay behind. Partly to avoid any awkward encounters with Himeno, but mostly because you felt restless, unable to shake off the events of the past few days.

As you finished up the last of your reports, you glanced at the new message on your phone.

HIMENO| you didn't come tonight.

Typing...

YOU

| I didn't think you'd wanna see me after the stunt I pulled.

HIMENO| I dont, but I wanted u to know that everyone is talking abt u

YOU

| ??

| wym

HIMENO

| your shadow didn't come tonight, either.

Typing...

YOU| look, himeno, ive actually been wanting to talk to you about that

| would you be able to meet up and talk it out?

HIMENO| id rather not honestly.

| ur a grown woman and i cant stop u from doing what u want

| but just know that people in pb. safety talk

| dont mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for aki

| u should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs

YOU| I understand that I've hurt you, Himeno, and I'm sorry

| I have no intentions of being with Aki.

HIMENO| good

| dont get him mixed up in ur fucked up marriage

|  he doesnt deserve that.

You sighed, pocketing your phone. There were certain battles you simply couldn't win. This would undoubtedly be one of them.

It was late, and you knew you should head home. You gathered your things and made your way down the dimly lit hallways, your footsteps echoing in the emptiness.

As you passed the breakroom, you heard voices. One familiar voice, more specifically.

You slowed your pace, not wanting to intrude but curious enough to catch a snippet of the conversation. The door was slightly ajar, and you could see two figures inside.

"You look desperate, dude," the unknown person said, barely audible. "It's not attractive."

"I'm becoming ridiculous," Captain Hayakawa said, his voice low and strained. "I'm losing hope."

"Hope of what? Convincing a married woman to break her vows?" the other person retorted, a hint of incredulity in his tone.

Are they talking about me? You asked. You knew the answer. You simply did not want to confront it.

Hayakawa sighed. "I thought she would call me by now," he admitted, the vulnerability in his voice making your stomach churn uncomfortably. "I just... there was something there."

There was a pause, then the other person sighed, his voice softening. "God, you are ridiculous." After a moment, he added, almost reluctantly, "Shit, sorry, man. I know you like her."

"No, you're right," He replied, a note of resignation following his words. "She doesn't want to speak to me. I'm driving myself crazy waiting for someone who's never gonna call."

You felt a knot tighten in your stomach, guilt and confusion swirling together. You hadn't intended to eavesdrop, but now you couldn't just walk away without feeling a pang of something—regret, perhaps? The slip of paper with his number, still in your possession, weighed heavily in your mind. You had been avoiding the situation, avoiding him, and now it was clear how much it had affected him.

Aki's words echoed in your ears as you stood frozen in the hallway.

He was right; you hadn't called him. You hadn't even acknowledged the note, too caught up in your own turmoil and guilt to consider his feelings. Now, hearing him speak so openly, you felt a rush of emotions—sympathy, guilt, confusion. There had been a moment between you, an undeniable spark, but you had chosen to ignore it, to pretend it didn't exist.

When would it all come crashing down – your efforts? This whole situation?

The conversation in the breakroom continued, but you couldn't listen any longer. You turned away, your heart pounding. As you made your way to the exit, you couldn't help but replay Aki's words in your mind.

He had been waiting for you, hoping you would reach out, and now he was losing hope. Fuck.

He had been waiting for me.

The idea thrilled you, for some strange reason. Maybe because you hadn't felt desired like this in years – it made your head spin. But another part of you was terrified—of what it might mean, of the complications it would bring, of the impact on your marriage.

You couldn't help yourself. You did what you always did. You ran away from him.

You knew you couldn't avoid him forever, but for now, you needed time to think. .

7:45 PM

Typing... 

Hey. |

Typing...

Hello, |

Typing...

How are you? |

Typing...

Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party. I think you should be there.

SENT.

YOU | Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party.

I think you should be there.

| At the Sip-n-savor in downtown Tokyo

Seen 8:00 PM .

The night went on without a flaw. The atmosphere was infectious, and you had been trying to let loose, drink in hand, as you chatted and danced with the others. But as the night wore on, a sense of unease settled in. Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was the memories of the overheard conversation in the breakroom, or maybe it was the subtle disappointment that someone hadn't shown up.

Excusing yourself, you made your way to the bathroom. The mirror reflected your flushed cheeks and slightly smudged makeup. You sighed, turning on the faucet and splashing some water on your face. As you washed your hands, you found yourself thinking about Aki.

Despite everything, a depraved part of you had hoped to see him tonight. You had been both relieved and disappointed when he hadn't shown up—relieved because it meant avoiding an awkward conversation, disappointed because you had been... well, actually looking forward to seeing him.

As you touched up your makeup, you couldn't help but reflect on your own conflicted feelings. You were married, committed, and yet, Aki had stirred something in you that you simply couldn't stand to ignore. It was confusing, disorienting. You weren't sure what you felt more strongly: guilt for being drawn to him or frustration that you couldn't just let it go.

"Ugh," You groaned, pressing your forehead against the sink. "'M g'nna be sick."

Feeling a bit lightheaded from the drinks, you decided to step outside for some fresh air. You left the bathroom and – completely drunk – maneuvered through the crowds to the nearest door.

The cool night breeze was a welcome relief against your warm skin, and you leaned against the balcony railing, taking deep breaths. The city lights twinkled below, and you watched them in a daze, trying to steady your thoughts.

That's when you saw him.

Aki was just entering the party, his sharp suit and dark hair making him stand out immediately. You felt your heart skip a beat. Then another. He was killing you.

He came, you thought, a strange mix of emotions flooding you. Relief, excitement, and that persistent undercurrent of guilt all tangled together.

He spotted you almost immediately and made his way over. As he approached, you couldn't help but think how painfully gorgeous he looked, the dim lighting casting a soft glow on his features. In that moment, he seemed almost like a knight in shining armor, a figure out of place in the lively, chaotic setting of the bar.

"Hey," he greeted, his voice smooth and warm, a balm to your nerves.

"Hey," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, a slight concern in his tone. "You're not cold?"

He always seemed to be worried about you and the weather. Still, the chill felt nice against your hot skin, oddly enough.

I missed you, you didn't say. You didn't even think about it. You knew that in a day you would be back on the train and all of this would just be a bad dream, anyway.

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. "No, I just needed some air. It's a bit stuffy in there."

Aki didn't respond immediately, and when you turned your head up to look at him, his expression was unreadable. The noise from inside the bar seemed distant, the world narrowing down to just the two of you in that moment. You felt a tug in your chest, a pull towards him that you couldn't explain, couldn't deny.

"Did you pregame the bar, or something?" You laughed quietly. It felt nice, being able to pretend nothing had ever happened between the two of you and just... enjoy each other's company. "You smell like beer."

"I was having a few drinks with my roommate before you texted me," He answered. Then, looking out onto the street, he added, "He told me I shouldn't come tonight. Said you're driving me crazy."

"So, why are you here, then?" You asked.

He looked at you. "I think you know why I'm here."

There was a brief silence, comfortable yet charged with the unspoken. You glanced at him, noticing the way his eyes lingered on you, soft but searching. It was the same look he had given you in the seminar, the museum, everywhere else, and it stirred something deep inside you.

You hated the way he made you feel.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked you. His voice was as deep and rich as ever, and you had about half a mind to take him up on the offer.

You shivered. You knew it wasn't from the cold air. It was him – the smell of him, his cologne, the distinct scent of nicotine that let you know he had just finished smoking a cigarette. It was an aroma so unique to him that you had grown to like it.

You were looking at his lips before you knew it, giving way to a craving you couldn't explain, "I'll try a cigarette, if you have any."

He smiled softly, reaching into his pocket and flipping open a carton of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed a cancer stick between your lips, and you felt a part of you die a little. He struck the wheel of the lighter, bringing the cigarette to life.

You coughed so hard that you nearly hacked up a lung. It had been years since your last cigarette.

Hayakawa stepped behind you, cupping a hand around your elbow, sliding it up your arm, your wrist, your fingers before he plucked the cigarette from your digits.

"First time?" He asked, warm voice hot against your neck.

"Wanted to give it a try," You shrugged. You didn't know what, exactly, had gotten into you. It seemed that with every sip of liquor you took lately, you crept closer and closer back to your old self. The sort of liquid courage that made people make very bad decisions. "Sorry. I'm a little," You waved your hands around yourself, trying to gesture 'drunk' without actually saying it.

"How brave of you," He murmured, pulling a hit from your cigarette and exhaling. He was the picture of sin – face flushed with alcohol, messy bangs, pink lips wrapped around a cancer stick. He was so pretty it hurt.

"I'll try it again when I'm sober," You offered.

"When?" He asked, breathing smoke out into the air. "Where?"

As persistent as always, you thought. Still, you didn't necessarily mind the attention anymore. You told yourself that it didn't matter – you would be out of here soon anyway, and everything would be far behind you before you knew it.

"Why is it that every time I'm inebriated... God tests me by throwing you in my way?" You laughed, Truly, you wished you had considered the implications of your words a little more before you had said them. "Just as I thought your manners had improved since the party. You behaved badly, then. You know that? Very badly," you hiccuped. "You should be ashamed of yourself, throwing– hic–throwing yourself at a married woman like that."

He didn't acknowledge your drunken ramblings, and he also didn't deny the fact that he had been doing exactly that – throwing himself at a married woman.

"Hardly my fault," He breathed out. "I just can't seem to resist you."

"Don't worry," You replied, eyeing him up dubiously as he pulled another hit from what was left of your cigarette. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Won't have to worry about resisting me after that."

"I know," He answered back. "Selfishly enough, I spent the last few hours wishing your train got delayed one more day, or something like that," He exhaled, then snuffed his cigarette out on the balcony, "Still, I'm glad I could see you before you went home."

"I wish I could say the same about you," You replied before you could stop the words from coming out.

He poked his tongue through the inside of his cheek, retorting, "You're gonna sit here and act like you didn't invite me? Like your eyes didn't light up like a child when you saw me pull up?" He turned around, commanding even more of your attention, standing at least a foot and a half taller than you. "You wanted me to come tonight."

It was true. That's the worst part. Everything he said was the truth.

"So that I could say goodbye," You said with remarkable finality, "I'm leaving after this."

You hadn't originally planned on leaving so soon, of course, but you wanted to get the hell out of here before you made another bad decision.

"Already?" He asked.

"You're the one who ran late," You replied. "This ends tonight. I'm going to say bye to everyone else, then I'll be gone."

With that being said, you made your way back to the door. You would go inside, bid everyone farewell, collect your belongings, and then–

He called your name before you could go back inside. You froze in place.

"Am I misreading the signals?" He asked.

You sighed, turning around one last time to clear the air, "This has to stop, Aki. You make me feel like... like I'm guilty of something."

He implored you, "What do you want me to do?"

"Go back to Himeno," You answered, a biting undertone seeping through your words. You were undeniably bitter about the whole situation, and under any other circumstances, you would have tried to be a good sport, but...

Himeno's words were a heavy weight on your heart.

'Don't mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for Aki.'

'You should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs."

You could never be what Aki wanted. He wanted all of you – not just a week of you, clearly. You were married, and you couldn't let all of that go over a guy you'd been toeing the line with for what seemed like ages.

He was a young man. The fact of the matter was that you were a grown woman. A married one.

"She's a sweet, kind woman," You continued. You felt like you were going to be sick just being near him. Unknowingly, tears began to prickle at the corners of your eyes. "Go back and beg her to forgive you. Go be with someone who wants to be with you. Who can be with you."

"No," He answered simply. There was an intensity in his eyes that frightened you, like he would die without you, as he continued, "That's not what you want. I think we both know that. I refused a mission in Hiroshima to stay here with you. I planned to let go of another one in Beijing," He swallowed, "I can change my mind, and you'll never see me again."

"If you have any consideration for me," Your voice was a shuddering whisper, like someone could walk out any minute and hear the two of you going back and forth. "Any semblance– a shrivel of compassion, you'll give me back my peace."

He shook his head, "I can't. You know I can't. You've consumed every inch of my peace, every inch of my mind. How can I give you your peace?"

Fair point.

You had nothing to say to him. So, silently, your vision blurred with tears, you glared at him. Glared and frowned like that would make you believe he was the sole contributor to this issue. Then, again, you turned on your heel and went for the door. You entered the bar quickly.

He followed not too long after you, "I'll go to Beijing, then."

"No." You said. Your teary-eyed fury caught the eyes of more than a few confused bar patrons. "I don't want you to go."

Everyone was looking at you. Seriously, everyone. Your old coworkers, the bartenders, everybody.

You swallowed down your pride, bowing down before them all. "Good night, everyone," You said. You plucked your purse and your jacket off of the barstool. "Thank you for everything. I'm leaving."

Ignoring the confused looks and hushed whispers from the patrons, you exited the bar, your mind a whirlwind of emotions. The rain had started to fall, a soft drizzle quickly turning into a steady downpour. You barely noticed, too wrapped up in the turmoil inside your head. The cold, wet sensation of the rain soaked through your clothes, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You just needed to get away, to clear your mind.

But of course, Aki followed after you. You could hear him calling your name, his voice barely audible over the sound of the rain. You quickened your pace, almost running, your heels splashing through puddles as you made your way down the block. His footsteps pounded behind you, matching your speed. You couldn't escape him, couldn't outrun him.

Finally, he caught up to you, grabbing your arm to stop you. "Wait, can we please talk?" he pleaded, his voice breathless and desperate.

You turned to face him, rain pouring down around you both. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his suit jacket soaked through. The intensity in his eyes matched the storm, a fierce determination that made your heart ache. You met his gaze begrudgingly, not wanting to deal with this, not wanting to deal with him.

"Have I really been imagining all of this?" He asked. He sounded broken. "Is it really all in my head? Tell me if it's a lie. Tell me to leave you alone. Tell me you mean it—all of it," he paused, taking a shuddering breath. "Or tell me the truth."

You swallowed hard, the weight of the situation crashing down on you. "I don't know how to feel, Aki," you finally admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I'm trying to be good, but you just keep fucking—popping up everywhere. And you say these pretty things to me, and," You choked back a sob, struggling to find the right words. "I can't help myself around you."

"Running from your problems won't make me go away," he said, stepping forward to put his hands gently on your waist.

There was a long pause as you stood there in the rain, staring at each other. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you. The storm, the bar, everything else was just a blur. You were tired—tired of running, tired of the confusion, tired of pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't.

He added, "You can't run from your feelings."

This time, it was his eyes that dropped to your lips. His tongue darted out to dampen his own, and then his eyes flicked up to your face. When he spoke, his voice was huskier than before, as if it had been tainted by an emotion that hadn't been there before. Was it lust? Passion? Whatever it was, you wanted more of it.

Your eyes widened. Your mouth had run dry. You didn't know what to say. Even being like this right now -- as close as you were, -- was against your wedding vows. This was wrong, and you couldn't do that to your own husband.

Your own husband who loved you so dearly.

Your own husband who left you hanging so many nights on end.

Your own husband, who acted as if he couldn't care if you lived or died.

As if he had sensed your train of thought wandering, Aki placed two fingers beneath your chin, lifting your face up until he was the captor of all of your attention. Him and him alone. Not your husband, but him.

"I could treat you like a princess," His eyes wandered down to your lips again, but this time there was an unspoken hunger within them. "All you have to do is ask, and I'm yours. I already am."

And, God, what a fool you had been in uttering the words, "Don't toy with my emotions. You don't want me."

He paused, awaiting something, anything. His eyes pleaded with your own, luring you in with promises of pleasure and happiness. Gently, he grabbed your hand, placing it over his breast, right above his heart.

"I want you so badly it hurts," He breathed, "For a night, for a day, for a week..." Aki closed the gap between the two of you – brought your faces closer together. Closer, until you could feel the warmth of his calm breath fanning out against your cheek. Closer, until he uttered, "As long as you'll let me have you."

"Aki, I can't-...." You paused. Yet, still, you never moved. Your body betrayed your words, dilated pupils and trembling hands giving way to your internal dilemma. "This is wrong. You know I can't do this."

You were being a hypocrite. You knew you were. One spare glance down at the placement of your hands on his chest -- one over his breast and one looped around his tie -- and you knew he could tell you were only putting up a front.

"I know," he murmured softly, words practically dying beneath the volume of the rain, "But I can't stop thinking about you."

You folded. Your eyes dropped down to his lips one last time, and that's when you knew he had already won.

Fuck it.

"Fuck you," you muttered, feeling a surge of reckless abandon.

Without thinking, you reached out and pulled him towards you, crashing your lips against his in a desperate, frenzied kiss. It was messy and wet, your tears mixing with the rain, your hands tangling in his hair as his arms finally wrapped around you.

The kiss was filled with all the pent-up emotions, the longing, the frustration, the desire. It was passion, it was anger – it was tongue and teeth and lips smearing your lipstick over the lower half of your face. It was two black holes finally colliding after circling around each other far too long.

"I can't make sense of it. I want... you," you sighed, pulling away, voice trembling, "I don't know what any of this means anymore. I don't know what to think."

"Then don't," he whispered, his breath warm against your lips. He tasted like cigarette smoke, beer and mint gum – a flavor so utterly addicting that you couldn't seem to get enough of it. "Don't think. Let me take you back to your room."

You hesitated, the reality of the situation hitting you. This was crossing a line, a line you couldn't uncross. But as you looked into his eyes, saw the same turmoil reflected back at you, you felt your resolve crumble.

You were tired of pretending.

"Okay," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the rain. It was a final, resigned acceptance, the last nail in the coffin of your restraint.

You were tired of running from the inevitable.

a/n: dont hate me. LMFAOAOAOOAOA. i had to! i absolutely loved writing this chapter and i loved writing tipsy obsessed aki. i headcannon that he's a touchy needy bf and no one can tell me otherwise. i think you all know what happens next. im not sayin nothin tho. hehe. ANYWAYYYYY LMK WHAT YALL THOUGHTTTTT i look forward to hearing it!!! lmk what yall wanna see in the next few chapters/over the course of the story. and if youve already watched anna karenina (or read, in which case... how...) shhhhhh youve seen nothing. muah! x

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505

wanna join the taglist? | shameless ; chapter index

[its-no-biggie]

WHO was gonna tell me theres a fucking soukoku snow white scene in dead apple. who was gonna fucking tell me. i didnt watch dead apple the first time i watched the show (anime watch orders will be the death of me i swear) but i finally got around to it and im losing my goddamn mind. its like a one minute scene but it has SO MUCH. chuuya uses corruption even though ango told him dazai was probably dead??? dazai knew to keep the antidote in his mouth because he knew chuuya would come find him and punch him in the face??? the level of mutual trust is UNREAL. and then dazai wakes up and touches chuuyas face to undo the corruption and they like halfheartedly tease each other because theyre IDIOTS who cant ever be genuine with their feelings..... "you used corruption, believing in me? how beautiful. [i knew you would come for me]" "yeah, i did. i believed in your disgusting vitality and craftiness. [enough to stake my life on it]" "that was a somewhat violent way of waking snow white. [thank you for saving me]" "youre the one who hid an antidote in your mouth, knowing id punch you. [im glad youre alive]" theyre so affectionate i am going to throw up

and thats not even mentioning chuuya landing face first in dazais crotch and dazai HOLDING HIM THERE????? i dont even have anything to say about that whole exchange. who wrote this fucking movie i just wanna talk

anyway look at this official art. the snow white parallel is making me insane i cannot believe this is actually canon. yeah they didnt kiss, but did snow white intentionally let herself get poisoned because she knew the prince would save her??? its literally more romantic this way change my mind

[jaeeyaaasworld]

Toxic - LH44

Featuring: Lewis Hamilton x Y/n

Warnings: Y/n is right out of a toxic and abusive relationship, Lewis is a sweetheart (we stan), former overweight Y/n, Lewis is a bit of a simp (but we love it, come on)

Requested: Yes/No

Lewis' phone started ringing randomly as soon as he entered his own house after a date with his girlfriend Y/n, he actually invited her over for the night, but she said that she would've liked to rest a bit in her own home, so he just accepted it and drove to his house after a goodbye kiss from his lover.

he took his phone out of his pocket, his eyebrows furrowing at seeing the caller id, but he quickly picked up the phone.

"hey, baby. are you okay? did something happen?"

the concern could be heard in the driver's voice, knowing what Y/n's past boyfriend did to her and how he treated her, the worry was high, he was expecting anything.

"uhm... yeah, I have a problem"

she started, her voice was trembling, it felt like she was crying. her words were enough to make Lewis take the car keys that he threw in their place and rush out of his house, quickly making his way down the stairs.

"what type of problem exactly?"

Lewis asked back, trying his best to not sound too worried and worry his girlfriend even more, just as he got to his car and started driving towards Y/n's house.

"he is... threatening me that he will come here and break into my house because he saw me around with you. I-I don't know what to do"

Y/n was panicking at this point, practically sobbing while being on the phone with him. hearing her like this broke his heart and he quickly found himself pushing the pedal on the floor to reach his girl as fast as possible, hoping he would be faster than that asshole would be.

"it's okay baby, I'm coming over, alright? no one will be able to touch you when I'm around, okay? I'm almost in front of your house, give me five minutes, hold on"

he said as he got closer and closer to her house. as soon as he reached her front yard, he parked the car and got out in a rush, almost knocking the door down to get in.

"no, you have to come with me"

Lewis heard a male voice shouting, and he knew that some shit was about to go down. he quickly looked around the room, finding a baseball bat just sitting around in his girlfriend's living room, he couldn't leave it there, so he took it with him.

his shoulder pushed the door of the master bedroom open, the bat hidden behind his back, didn't want to scare the boy there.

"hey, man. could you explain what you're doing in my girlfriend's house?"

he calmly asked. the man turned around, his jaw clanched and his eyes were spitting fire. as he moved, Lewis could get a glimpes of Y/n sitting on the ground, her beautiful bottom lip was busted. he couldn't have that, his blood was boiling.

"nah man. this whore is your girlfriend? I'm telling you: when we fucked, before you got here and all that stuff, I couldn't even stand to look at her face, I always had to think about someone else. I don't think you hit a jackpot with this one"

Y/n's ex started, Lewis' eyes narrowed as he listened to him speak.

"listen- you are a handsome man, you could get any girl you want. leave this one to me, you ain't losing anything special, trust me"

he finished his little speech.

"so... Noah? is that the name?"

Lewis asked the man in front of him, Y/n never told him his name and he didn't want to know, he just said a random name to piss him off.

"Derek... but whatever"

her ex said, a huge sigh leaving his mouth.

"oh- so Derek, I really suggest you to get out of here now that I'm still in my senses"

a chuckle left the man's lips.

"come on, man. I'm giving you an offer that you can't decline, I could get this one off your shoulders"

he said pointing his finger to Y/n, still on the floor with her knees up to her chest.

"Derek, I don't want to get to violence, it's really not my cup of tea. but you leave me no choice"

Lewis slowly pulled the bat out from behind his back, swirling it around while taking a good look at it. a little shiver run down Derek's back, it was so deep that he could see that too and it made a little smile come up to his lips.

"woah, t-there's no need for that"

Derek said, his hands in front of him to put a little distance between them while Lewis extended his hand, waiting for something, just to earn a confused expression from the man.

"the keys"

he said, the man understood. he took out Y/n's house keys from his pocket and threw them over to Lewis, as he cought them effortlessly.

"now get out of here"

the man nodded his head, getting out of the room with Lewis' eyes following his every movement till he was out the front door. in that moment he left everything that was in his hands on the ground and rushed to his girlfriend, his hands cupping her cheeks.

"could you tell me what happened, love?"

he softly asked, his thumb caressing her lower lip and wipe some bit of blood that was resting there.

"he slapped me, and called me names. can I come to yours tonight?"

she cut everything short, not wanting to talk about it, so he just let her be.

"sure, honey. you can come whenever you want"

after a month

it was finally time for Lewis' summer break and he couldn't wait to take Y/n to a little trip to Rome, he couldn't wait to go himself. as soon as they got off the plane he took the car he rented for the trip and drove to the five star hotel he booked for them.

"how does this look, baby?"

he asked his girl with a smile on his face. Lewis watched Y/n get on the balcony and lean on the railing to watch the scenery in front of them; one of the busy streets of Rome and a big old palace in front of their hotel.

his hands placed themselves on both his girlfriend's sides, his chin resting gently on her shoulder.

"it looks amazing, I can't wait to go visit around"

she said, excitement could be heard in her voice as she couldn't keep it in.

"let's go than, we will grab something to eat at the cute restaurant that you saw earlier and go visit around after"

he said, patting her on her butt and leaving a kiss to her cheek as he left her on the balcony to take the car keys, his wallet and his phone.

Y/n got in from the balcony and took everything she needed and put it in her purse, reaching her boyfriend that was waiting for her in front of the door. he intertwined their hands together and walked out the door towards the car.

at the restaurant

the couple was seated on a table as the menus were resting in their hands. Lewis put down his as he chose what he wanted to eat.

"I think I'll take a carbonara, I really want to see how it is"

he said, his elbows resting on the table as he leaned on it, Y/n smiling at him as she chose.

"I think a salad will do for me"

she finally said, making Lewis tilt his head in disapproval.

"baby"

Lewis said back to her, it almost sounded like a warning but filled with love and affection.

"what?"

Y/n asked back, a small chuckle leaving her lips as she placed down the menu to look at her boyfriend's face and intertwine their fingers on the table.

"you can have that as a side dish alright? pick something real first"

he said again, his thumb caressing the back of Y/n's hand, as she taught about what to eat again.

"a cacio e pepe than"

she finally agreed, making Lewis smile and kiss his girlfriend's knuckles.

"see? good girl"

later that night, back at the hotel

Y/n and Lewis got back at the hotel that was almost midnight, after they had a romantic dinner date over a wine glass. they didn't even get it that Lewis already stopped her by placing himself in front of the girl, his hands engulfing hers.

"I asked the room service to run a romantic bath in the jacuzzi that we have in here, so... how about you go change in that bikini that I bought you today and jump in with me, mh?"

he asked, inching closer every passing second. as soon as he got a little nod from Y/n, he gently placed his lips on hers.

"great, I'll be waiting for you there, alright?"

Lewis asked again, a big smile splitting his face in half, just like Y/n.

"alright"

she whispered back, as he walked to the jacuzzi and she walked into the bedroom to change into the bikini. she put the bikini on, but when she saw her image in the mirror in front of her, she could only see the old 'fat ass' that she was a year ago.

Y/n put on two punds since she got with Lewis, that always encouraged her to eat properly and not just some shitty salad or whatever. her hands gripped on her stomach and on her thighs.

"love, are you not comi- oh, damn, those curves"

Lewis asked, walking into the room and finding his lover in the best bikini that he ever saw, he couldn't be more grateful to himself for buying everything his girl even glanced at.

his hands slided onto her sides and her thighs as his lips met her shoulder, kissing softly as his naked chest came in contact with her back.

"you look so good, I might just- baby, what's that look?"

he asked as his eyes met hers through the mirror and he saw the sadness, disappointment and guilt.

"you wanna know how much I gained since we got together, Lewis?"

she started, a sad smile on her face making Lewis let out a little chuckle.

"I actually don't, I can't really see it anyway. and if you have gained a pound, it's going in the right places, baby"

Lewis said, smacking her butt as a laugh left her lips.

"come on, let's go. I need this cute little ass on my lap while I'm sitting in a jacuzzi, right now"

he added, patting her ass gently as she started walking towards the jacuzzi, leaving Lewis some feets behind her.

"damn, I'm a lucky man"

[sighsebstan]

but like....what happens after she opens the door for logan....like theoretically what happens (asking for a friend)

ok just for your friend ill make a pt 2 of the stream of consciousness love triangle drama fest-

when you open the door youre looking down because you dont want to look logan in the face and hes speaking to you in the softest voice he can ‘alright let me in, were talking about this’ and you step aside to let him in and he sits on one end of the couch looking at you while you close the door and take the far end of the couch with your legs scrunched up facing him which honestly is how you usually sit but its also convenient rn bc you can easily tuck your face in if you get too embarrassed again but anyway youre like ‘i know what youre gonna say-‘ but he cuts you off with a faux exasperated chuckle and it makes you look him in the eye finally and that oddly centers you ‘then will ya let me say it?’ and you dont have the ability to deny him shit especially when his eyes are staring so annoyingly softly at you and so he says ‘i think you know how i feel about you, i clearly care about you, a lot, and nothings changing that,’ hes speaking slowly and you can tell hes trying to carefully choose his words in the moment but then he takes a beat and a deep breath before he finishes his thought with ‘but wades got a point kiddo, the way i see you- the way i see us- this isnt gonna be a romantic thing’ and then ofc the tears start forming in your eyes again but this time a tear drop starts to fall down your cheek and logan gets closer so that he can put a hand on your knee while you stare up at the ceiling (and like fuck u for that logan but also you dont budge or ask him to move his hand bc <33) ‘the thing is that i know that’ you start ‘ its just that i have a ridiculous crush on you and i cant see it going away’ and it was an act of your heart betraying your brain bc your brain tells you to just accept the care and comfort that logan has always shown you platonic or not but your heart is a stupid bitch and a stubborn bitch and struggles to move on and your words hang in the air for the worlds longest minute before logan speaks up again ‘can you try? i know it might be asking a lot but ive lost enough and i really need you in my life,, youre like my own personal anchor being’ you had to snort laugh when he said that and you looked down where his hand was on your knee and youre like ‘wow that was really corny’ and he laughed with you in agreement and says ‘yeah i knew you werent gonna let that slide’ and then you shifted so that you were curled up in his side and he could have his arm around your shoulder caressing your hair which was not new to either of you and eventually he can hear your heartbeat steadily go back to a normal rhythm and he goes ‘so the wade thing’ and youre like ‘yeah the wade thing…..’ and your heart rate is right back up and he asks ‘have you ever thought of him?? like that??’ and you honestly told him ‘i didnt know it was an option i guess? it never crossed my mind he could see me like that’ and ever the wingman logan goes ‘it might be worth a shot? i mean, you know if he ever does anything to you id do whatever i can to fuckin kill him so its not like theres much to lose’ and you scoff even though you know hes being absolutely truthful and you go ‘yeah…’ and for a second you think about how great it could be with your bestie who you admittedly think is hot and you obviously love spending time with , but then again in your head your like ‘except i could lose my best friend’

[icysinner]

this game is boring.

#ID: just megumi not understanding the appeal of animal crossing — and you try to get him to understand.

warnings: megumi being a pessimist and not appreciating animal crossing

nya note: uh this is OLDDDDD, i wrote it in like april & nvr dropped.

“you already said you would. come onnnn.” you whined, already holding the joycons to your nintendo switch. megumi promised he’d play animal crossing, even if it was only for a couple minutes. he didn’t understand the appeal of animal crossing at all, it was so quiet and boring. “i know, i know.” megumi responded, sitting on the couch in front of the tv. “so.. what do i do?” he asked, looking at you and then at the tv, both like he was looking at a trigonometry equation.

“i haven’t fished, or talked to my villagers, or checked my nook store today.” you said, as you made your character walk around the island. “oh, that’s you? why are your eyes so big?” megumi asked, a wide grin on his face because he knew he was just nit picking the game to annoy you. “it’s a game, ‘gumi, how realistic do you think it can be?” you rolled your eyes at his comment, making your character walk around and pick up shells off the beach.

“okay, you take the controller now.. um, there isn’t much you can do that’ll mess with my stuff.” you said, handing him the joycons and watching him play the game. “okay.. i’m gonna shake this tree.” megumi said, shaking an apple tree, making the apples fall from the top, “will something else happen if i keep shaking?” he continued, still shaking the tree until a wasps’ nest came from it. “what the fuck? why didn’t you tell me that was gonna happen?” the tone of his voice made you laugh, he sounded like he was genuinely serious about this game he was just saying was ‘pointless’.

“if i told you, it would take away the whole point of this.” you replied, watching him make the character run away — seemingly in defeat — from the tree. “i shook a tree, what else do you do in this game?” megumi said, his eyes glued to the screen and the bright colors radiating from it. “get the net and catch some bugs.” you said, watching him navigate (the long way) to get the pink net from your inventory. you watched him walk around the map, catching a couple bugs and losing the majority of them.

“there’s spiders in this? can i catch it?” megumi asked, his tone full of interest for someone who was previously calling the game boring. “you can try, i’ve never caught one before.” you replied, sitting back and watching him approach the spider. as he got closer to the spider and it became more apparent on the screen, it darted towards the character and bit it. “this game is violent as fuck, why are all the bugs so mean?” megumi asked, his voice full of defeat. “you put up a good fight, baby. maybe you’re just not built for this.” you joked as he handed the joycons back to you. “can i teach you how to play overwatch now?” he asked, a pleading smile on his face as you rolled your eyes.

[ashsimpsalot]

thank you for doing god's work and blessing us with wonderful monkey man fics 🫡

if youre taking requests, id like to make one with a blackwidow!reader, she's undercover at the hotel as well and was confused when someone made an attempt at rana singh then tracks kid down and even helps him train. they go through the fight together and after that they start a new life in the end 🫶

sorry if its too specific, feel free to make any changes however you like and tysm in advance if you decide to do this 🩷✨️

The lack of kid x reader content is killing me. I'm glad you liked my fics though, thank you for reading! THIS IS MY FIRST REQUEST EVER ERM

I've never written action before, hopefully I do this fic justice. Im sorry if it just seem like I'm yapping😭

Hands Up (Kid X Blackwidow!Reader)

Holy Fuck!

You've been undercover in India for almost 2 months and you didn't even know autos could drift like that!

You're hot on their trail, abusing the throttle to its limit.

Whoever this guy is, he's either extremely ballsy, or extremely stupid to go after Rana Singh like that.

The helmet didn't help with the shooting sounds at all, you couldn't take it anymore, drifting away and avoiding to be near but near enough that you could see where the guy was going. Your already ringing ears would go deaf if you trailed them any closer.

Shit he went into an alleyway.

Your eyes trailed around the road.

Bingo

Another alley that links to his spot.

Maybe it took you 5 minutes extra but once you got there, the auto was already flipped onto its side, empty. The policemen were chasing someone who's running on foot.

Running on the fucking roof!

Limping.

You twisted the throttle of the motorbike to chase after him but he ended up falling onto the road after an officer shot his leg

You hit the brakes. Tires screeching loud at how sudden the brake was. Stopping the bike right in front of him.

"get the fuck on! Hurry!"

He looked confused but decided to question it later and hopped on.

You zoomed away from the place, going into an alley an coming out the other, making sure no one sees where you guys were headed.

His grip on your waist loosens.

Oh no he's losing blood.

"man don't pass out on me yet!" you yelled, making sure he heard but his answer was mumbling and gibberish. Before he could limp off of the bike, you reached back and placed one hand on his back.

You sighed and accepted your fate, your arms going to hurt from the weird position but at least he won't fall off.

You zoomed right to the temple, dragging this tall building of a man in with you all by yourself.

You called on Alpha, she almost chuckle at how you struggle to bring the man in.

"I told you, child, if you need help, ask for it," she said like a mother nagging her child while helping you steady the man.

"I am asking for help, help this guy," you reply mumbling like a teenager after being scolded, she let's out a huff and guided the man onto the makeshift bed.

"wait outside, take care of your own wounds, hm? There's food in the kitchen, eat up," she said softly then closes the curtain.

A pang in your heart, she's like a mother to all these people here and to you too. You didn't expect to step foot on the motherland and gain an actual mother figure.

When you hear the man screaming in agony you knew exactly what she was doing as you yourself was on that makeshift bed a month ago.

You chuckled and went to the kitchen.

After indulging in a plate of naan and a cup of coffee, you sighed and lean against the chair, closing your eyes, floating in a food coma. finally taking the well needed rest you've been procrastinating.

That is until a soft pinch on your shoulder startle you.

"I told you to tend to your wounds first, child," Alpha scolded, dragging a chair in front of you with the small medical box in her hands.

25 years of training, nothing could get past you.... except for Alpha. For some reason she has a way to sneak up on you.

You gave a silly smile, letting her tend to your light wounds. "I was hungry," she hummed dismissively.

"the man is alright, he'll need a few hours before he regain consciousness. Who is he?" she asked, eyes still pinned onto the cut on your arm.

"he tried to go after Rana Singh, all by himself, in Queenie's hotel with a small gun. I think he could've succeeded but not sure what made him miss the shot," you said simply.

"why did you help him?"

"he's stupid but I saw how he fought, he's got potential,"

Alpha hums and packs the medical box. "and maybe because he has a pretty face," you joked while grinning at her. She chuckled and shook her head and stood up.

"your bed roll is still unused," she said, some guilt creeps up on you. You left, after staying with them for a month, to go after Queenie.

"thank you,"

You went to take a little nap.

When you open your eyes again, you heard chaotic voices of confusion. The guy had woken up.

"hey, clam down,"

"you? You're... The chef?" he's more confused than ever. You nodded. "look, you're still recovering, take it easy and sit down. I'll explain everything."

He seemed reluctant but sat down on the nearest branch anyway.

"who..are you?" he asked, eyes pinning on his fidgetung hands.

You started with your name and he nodded. Taking a few seconds, wondering where to start.

"I'm a blackwidow, well, was a Blackwidow, after the fall of the red room most widows just work with each other trying to free others who were injected with mind controlling serum."

Blackwidow? His mind flashed to pictures of the only famous widow, Natasha Romanoff, the fucking avenger? He looked confused but try to take in what you said.

"but I didn't do that. I came for revenge."

"revenge? On whom?" he looked up at you, you knew that look in his eyes, you see them in your own everyday, the thirst for revenge, sunk in a sea of violence.

"They ship kids, the red room, they take us in very very young." you started with a heavy voice, you've told this story multiple times but fuck, knowing you're so near to where it happened is just too much.

"and where do you get kids, untraced, unwanted, unregistered kids?" your eyes lifted to look at him, as if quizzing him. He shook his head as a sign that he never thought about that.

"human trafficking rings, prostitution rings and Queenie just happen to have the biggest rings in whole of fucking Asia,"

He furrowed his eyebrows. He's known a fair share of prostitute, most of them keep their kids, at least his mother kept him, but his mother did left to live somewhere else.

"Queenie has a reportation to uphold, she can't have legal cases against her, she can't have her girls die from multiple abortion, the kids will just be threads someone could pull and find out the truth so she cuts em. Take all the kids and ship them for the red room. She got a ton of money for that too,"

He looked horrified, he didn't even know that was a thing people fucking do.

"I want to put a stop to this, maybe there red room is gone but she's still doing something with those kids,"

He looked up at you and nodded, he understood.

"what about you? Going after Rana Singh by yourself like that, in his own slice of heaven,"

He sighed then stared off into the distance, he's eyeing the kids who were giggling and chasing each other in the middle of the temple.

A sense of innocence both of you lost a long time ago.

"he killed my mother," you sucked in a quick breath. Mother, you're both avenging your mothers then. Though he's avenging a woman he knew and you don't event know the name of yours.

"then we better get ready. I saw you, when you were fighting. You fight a lot?"

"at the ring. For money" you nodded, you know of the tiger temple, an excuse to gamble, honestly.

"I realise you let your left hand go idle for too long, we'll work on that," you simply said and stood up.

"though for now, you should rest, I'm going for a shower, Alpha will bag my ears off if she realise I took a nap before showering."

You offered him a smile, half joking.

The next few weeks are dedicated to teaching him, reminding him not to neglect his left hand. Another habit you see is that he sucks in and hold his breath in while throwing a punch, leaving his breathing a little erratic after a long fight.

"there you go, Kid!" you yelled with a smile after he basically torn the makeshift punching bag.

He walked towards you. "was that good?"

You nodded though a silly smile creeped on your lips. "yeah, had the whole temple screaming, I bet it was because your lack of clothing," you teased. Kid smiled, a genuine smile, and thanked you.

One night he went missing, two nights before diwali, a bag of money was hung on one of the branches with a note with his writing on it.

You went to find him and when you did he looked apologetic.

"I told you, we're doing this together," you said, hitting him with a slap on his stupid face. He turned back to look at you. "I'm sorry I... I had to fight in that ring alone."

His voice soft but fuck, his lips looks softer, maybe he saw that desire in your eyes because he had them in his own. He pulled your arms softly, leaning down to kiss you on your lips.

"we stick together, that's the plan," you breathed softly after he pulled away. Kid, being himself, didn't say anything and nodded.

He didn't think he could've kept that promise but he did.

The night of diwali, you dragged him out of the burning hotel, he had passed out after killing Baba Shakti.

He woke up to the same scene he did almost 2 months ago but this time with familiar faces and a heavier feel in his chest, relief. Relief that he's alive, that's new for him.

"you're awake," you said. He looked dreamy, that's also new.

"why are you looking at me like that?" you asked, worried if he had lost too much blood or hit his head too hard somewhere. Your hands carefully trace his face, head even body to inspect if Alpha had missed a wound somewhere.

He shook his head, toon your wandering hands in his and smiled.

Fuck, he's finally home.

With the woman he loves, a sanctuary that might need fixing but filled with pure love, a worried woman that plays a role his mother played years ago.

He had a reason to live.

"I love you," Kid whispered, he trued to think of the last time he's said that but no memory came up.

Your eyes soften and that day he fell deeper.

"I love you too"

A few years later he'd tell the kids that laid on his chest, with his hair and your eyes, a smile on his face, proudly tracing the memory of how the wild monkey finally find his peace with a spider.

The little girl laughed. "amma'a a spider!" she would repeat that again and again as if that's the funniest thing her appa ever said, her brother chasing after her, suddenly it's a game of tag.

"don't run!" Alpha would scold after the two almost bumping into her, scared that she'll accidentally spill the drink she's taken for herself.

Kid laughed.

His life is perfect.

It's perfect.

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Kinji Hakari x Reader

⚠️Spoilers for chapter 238 kind of?

Kinji Hakari:

Your favorite movie is fight club, you love femboys or you just have a strong passion for dancing.

First Date:

You were out of money as usual and had heard rumors of an underground fighting ring. "It may not be legal but bills need to be payed. Besides, taxation is basically theft anyway so it evens out." You made your way towards the Gachinko venue, taking note of the other contestants. "This will be easy!"

You were now standing against your first opponent, a large, muscular man. "Hmpf. What are you supposed to be?" he sneered. You grinned. "My pronouns are they/them/causing mayhem!" You then struck him in the face, feeling his nose crunch under your knuckles. You only lasted a few more rounds, the rest of the guests being too scared to fight you.

As you were counting your earnings, a boy hung his arm around your shoulder. "Can you take my temperature?" You stumbled back awkwardly and tried to put some distance between the two of you. "...Why?..." The boy got right in your face. "Because you're giving me a massive fever babe!"

"..."

He took your silence as a okay to continue. "My name's Hakari and I think we can help each other out. I'll help you get some cash in exchange for hanging out with me and my crew for a day." You were already suspicious. "Crew?"

"Yeah, I have a harem of femboys. We wouldn't be dating though as I'm already together with Kirara and would need to ask them if they would be alright with being in a polyamorus relationship." The nerve of this guy to assume that you were already about to leap at the idea of going out with him! "I'm pretty good at gambling and I can get you some sweet cash from those earnings of yours. What do you say?" You shook his hand without hesitation. "All right, but you better not fail or your ass is grass and I'm going to mow it!"

Hakari introduced you to the gang and then took you to the local casino. "Stay here, I just need to make a quick stop!" It was now ten minutes later. "How good are you at baby sitting #######?" You noticed something behind him. "What the fuck is that?!" Standing there was an elderly man with teal hair. Damn, Hatsune Miku got old. "This is the old man. I can't leave him by himself and he needs an occasional walk every now and then."

Did he take some poor stray dog/old man to play house with? "This isn't what we agreed upon!" Hakari put his hands up in self defense. "I know, I know. Don't worry, I'll get you your money, you just have to make sure he doesn't sneak off. He's got a habit of getting into fights with people."

"Ugh, fine!" You eventually made it to the casino. You were worried that you would need ID but luckily the old man was able to "chaperone" the two of you. "Here's what we'll do. We split the money in half and then meet again in two hours." You then went your separate ways. You weren't really sure where to start so you went to one of the pinball machines. "Seems easy enough"

You were starting to get the hang of it when your ball hit a snag. "Huh?" You managed to open up a slot of some kind. "Three in a row. Well, here goes nothing!" You hit three times and were surprised that you didn't see bells or fruit. You had a match but you had never seen this before. Suddenly the words "FINAL EGGMAN" popped up and you then got a game over, losing everything that you had.

You kicked the machine. "Screw this game, I give up!" The old man then pipped up. "That's how losers think!" Whatever! You were off to find Hakari. By the time you found him you knew you regretted your decision. The boy was shirtless and yelling something about a "pure love train". You didn't see what all the fuss was about. After all, it's just pachinko.Wait, why was there music now? Shit. He was getting turnt up. "Hakari, stop!" But it was too late, for the next four minutes and eleven seconds, he was immortal. No one could stop him now. He ran out of the building and then used his femboy radar.

"I see one! The only problem is the giant meat head." Hakari then grabbed you and the old man. He threw a bag your way. "Here's the money. Now distract that guy over there for me while I go put on some smooth moves!" Ew. You were definitely never dealing with this guy again. "C'mon old man, let's get this over with."

Hakari had run up towards the stranger. "I'M BURNING UP FOR YOU BABY!" They grimaced. "I don't know who you think you are but let me help you cool off!" They raised a hand and an icicle pierced through Hakari's brain stem. "That takes care of that. Wait a minute. Where is my lord!?"

The two of you were going up to distract the random guy as Hakari had tasked you with but you weren't really sure on a plan on how to stall him. Then the old man began clutching his chest. "Hey! You're not having a heart attack are you!?" What came out of his lips wasn't something you had expected to hear. "He's so beautiful!"

"Huh?"

"Move out of my way, I need to see him!" The old man began to run off and honestly you couldn't really care. You were just glad that you could finally go home now. The old man was now in front of his target. "How can you connect with others?" The man raised a brow. "How can you love those beneath you... While knowing nothing of weakness?" Just before he could respond, the old man fell over.

"It seems he died of a heart attack." He looked down at his stomach which was frowning. "I should see if Uraume can get some use from this corpse and fashion me some waffles for breakfast."

[starsomens]

Okay since you're asking, who am I to not give you some ideas?

So Id love to read something more drammatic if you feel confy. Like scenario: noah goes to the grocery with the kids and meets someone he knows like Davis or anyone else. Got distracted for 2 minutes and BAM. His baby girl is missing.

Classical moment in which a kid goes lost for 5 minutes but the parent freak out.

A/N: I think this formed more like a drable than anything else but enjoy!!

" 'kay princess ready to get groceries?" he asked as he unbuckles her seatbelt in her car seat. You were at home after a very stressful week, so he picked up the errand with your 5 year old daughter Eden. Usually when Noah comes food shopping it's on his own so he could surprise you with flowers, or your favorite snack.

He walks hand in hand with her through the parking lot. Once they were inside he grabs a cart and asks her

"You wanna ride in the cart or you wanna walk?" he always asks her which option she wanted. He thought if he gave her a sense of independence in her choices, she'll be confident in her decisions.

"Mmmm walk!" she said with a bright smile

Noah loved when she smiled that way "Okay princess just stay close okay?" she nods and in they go. Noah liked to involved Eden in his day to day errands. She helped pick apples and some vegetables. They even went to see the lobsters in the tank for a while. He'd watch her walk in front of the cart and just admire how big she's getting.

She used to sit in her car seat on top of the shopping cart, now she's pointing at her favorite juice and snacks all on her own.

"Daddy, can we get snackies?" Eden asked as they passed the candy and snack aisle

"We will baby, just have to grab some other things and we can get your favorite cookies okay?" he said to her

"Okay papa." she answered. They stop at the sanitary aisle and picked some babywipes, make up wipes and he knew you needed some pads, but you recently changed.

"shit" he mumbled to himself and pulled his phone out to call you "hey babe, what size pussy do you wear again?....HAHA it’s fine no one is around….yeah I see those but not the new ones you're using....okay they have regular, plus and ulta....regular alright...okay see you soon, love you..bye" he tosses the pack into the cart and clapped his hands together

"Alright sweetheart lets go pick some cookies..." he expected to hear her cheery voice but didn't get an answer. He looked around him and did see her.

.....WHERE WAS SHE?!

"Eden?" he called looking up and down the aisle. Nothing. "Eden!" he called again

His heart was racing and his mind was going to every place possible. He pushed the cart and rushed to the cookie aisle to see if she was there

"Eden?" not in the cookie aisle....fuck. FUCK! She wasn't there! Normally Noah was calm and collected but this was his baby girl! He's rushing through the store trying to spot her beautiful head of hair, her precious laugh, something!

Oh god and if you found out, you'd rip his head off! How could he lose sight of her?! He was always so careful, always had her near him, never left his sight!

He rushed to customer service and cut some people in line

"Uh yeah I..I." he didn't even know how to form it "My daughter I lost her.. I-I don't know where she is, is there an announcement that could be made? A place to Look o-or-"

"Daddy!" He spins around and sees his little girl. his little Eden, his princess! She runs to him and he scoops her up in his arms. He held her so close, breathed in her scent of soft lavender. his little arms around his neck and he felt such relief as if he could drop to the floor right there. This tiny human in his arms was his absolute world and even the thought of something happening to her terrified him.

"Princess, why did you run off?!" he didn't mean to sound harsh, he was just afraid

"I-I wanted to b..*snif* a big girl a-and, get snack," he rubbed her eyes "i couldn't..f-find y-you" her voice cracks as fat tears spilled from her eyes. his large thumbs wipe them away and he kisses her head

"It's okay baby," he cooed "you're with me, it's okay"

He finished the shopping and got the snacks like he had promised. He put her back in her car seat and bought her a happy meal. By the time he had gotten home, she was fast asleep after such an ordeal had gone down.

"So how was the trip?" you asked putting Eden down on couch so she could keep sleeping. While Noah put things away, you coming to help him

"Well it was...." he thought for a second "....quite a trip."

"You don't say" you say feeling skeptical. While you were still putting things away he just blurts out

"...she wandered off and I lost her for about 5 minutes-"

"WHAT?!"

「✨Taglist✨」 @lilhobgobbler @cncohshit @vir-tual @tdopomymind @concretenoah @misspygmypie @fvckmeorchokeme @lust-for-sacher @thescarlettvvitch @cind6547 @itsmrsfuentes @purple-lili @ima1986

[wandas-luvr]

you know just how to be cruel

pairing: leigh shaw x fem!reader

summary: leigh comes over in the middle of the night to ask you a favor.

warnings: 18+ minors dni! soft(ish)dom!leigh (she is still her regular amount of mean), idk probably mommy kink undertones because that's how i live now, fingering (r receiving), oral (r receiving), praise, criminal amounts of teasing, leigh being a rude, condescending bitch but she makes it up to you, leigh being unrightfully possessive (but it's okay bc it's hot), mediocre aftercare bc leigh

-

you look at the clock on your phone as you hear a loud, repetitive knock at your door. you ignore it, deciding no good could come from suspicious knocking at 3:45 am on a thursday, sighing and turning over, getting sucked back into whatever trashy reality tv show was coming on.

then your phone buzzes. once. twice. three times in the span of a minute. before you even get the chance to pick it up to see who it is, you receive a call. you look at the caller id suspiciously: leigh shaw. you click to answer immediately, having heard the news about her husband just recently, wondering if she was calling after missing your condolences call when you were told.

before you could even get a word out you here her voice on the other end of the line. short and clipped, no room to argue or joke with her.

"i'm outside, let me in, it's cold out."

you get up and walk to the door, eyebrows furrowed, wondering why on earth leigh shaw would show up to your door at this hour, especially after what had happened with matt. upon opening you see leigh, clearly upset, but not appearing to be sad. the only thing you can see in her eyes is anger.

"leigh, what are you..?" you cut yourself off, not wanting to upset her more or make her feel unwelcome, "are you okay?"

she scoffs at you, rolling her eyes and walking straight past you into your home.

"don't do that, you know better."

you sigh, clearly, this would not be a very pleasant night.

"you're right, i'm sorry. i'll ask again, but if you get pissed, remember you're the one who told me to say it. what the fuck are you doing here?"

"better. lose the tone next time though, it's not cute on you. i need you to do me a favor."

you chuckle slightly, trying to lighten the mood or at least diffuse the tension the elephant in the room has been creating since she stepped into your apartment.

"awfully big talk for someone who is very rudely asking me for a favor."

"my husband died a month ago, i don't have to ask your permission to be bitter. and last time i checked, you weren't in charge of me."

you knew exactly what she was talking about. before she had met matt, she asked you to experiment with her, leading you through a series of heartbreaks and letdowns until you couldn't face it anymore and left her. throughout the six months the two of you were "together" she took you on a totally of five dates, showing up late to three of them. you had begun to feel like all she used you for was sex, and you simply couldn't bear it anymore. not when you were aching for her to love you the way she told you she did.

you look away, biting your lip, taking a deep breath to collect yourself. you didn't want to set her off, and she clearly wasn't in the right place to hear that she wasn't in charge of you either.

she walks towards you slowly, lifting your chin to encourage you to look up into her eyes, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

"you know what i'm here for, baby." she smiled, sickeningly sweet, with a condescending scrunch of her eyebrows and nod of her head. "the question is: are you gonna give it to me? hm?"

you freeze, you feel your chest constricting and can hear yourself swallow thickly, as you consider. ethically, you know it's wrong. you know it will only crush you and give leigh the quick distraction shes looking for, nothing more, but you can't help it. everything about her makes you lightheaded and weak in the knees, and you knew she'd take care of you, she always had been so generous.

"leigh...i don't think-"

"shh, baby, that's why it's perfect. you don't need to think with me, remember?" she looks into your eyes, looking for any signs of true unwillingness, before pressing the softest of kisses just behind your ear. you can feel her smile against your skin as your breath hitches, or course she remembered.

"love..?" she trails off, waiting for some sign of a response from you, settling for a simple look into her eyes. "are you gonna let me fuck you? make you feel good just like i used to?"

you bite your lip, nodding, mumbling a quiet "please.."

you watch the grin spread across her face, she knew she had you the moment you opened the door.

"see! i knew you'd remember how much you missed me!" she pushes you back toward your couch, leading you to sit on the arm as she stands between your legs, wrapping you up in a deep, heated kiss. "hmmm, that's my girl."

you almost retort, going to tell her she has no right to call you that, when, as if she could sense it, she tugged on your hair, clearly a preventative warning to watch your mouth.

as a reward for your obedience, you feel her lips start to move downward, drifting to your cheek, then your jaw, down to your neck, clearly leaving bruises in her wake.

she chuckles against your skin, hot breath tickling your neck, when you instinctively tip your head to give her more room. smiling at the way she'd created a pattern of muscle memory in you that would never fade no matter how many years passed.

you feel her hands untangle from your hair and drop to your thighs, before she pulls back to look at you: flushed and breathless before she'd even started with you. she gently rubs her thumbs in place, causing you to squirm towards her, barely stifling an embarrassing whine. you internally cringe as you can see the gears turning in her head, watching her piece together your reactions, before she gasps softly, clearly having figured you out.

"awww, sweetheart, it's been a while hasn't it? no one's touched you in so long, i bet you're just soaked," her hands drift towards your pajamas shorts, her fingers pulling the flimsy material aside to get a pick at your panties. "oh, honey, look at you. you made such a mess for me! oh, i bet you're just aching, aren't you?"

you nod, canting your hips up as you feel her fingertips barely ghosting along the gusset of your panties. she shoots you a look, cowing you immediately, your pleasure had always been on her terms.

she smiles, before clearly growing impatient herself, pulling your panties to the side and lightly running two fingers between your folds. a shiver wracks your body as she gasps at your wetness, playing with it between her fingers cockily. something about her soft smirk would never fail to make you clench around nothing.

you feel her fingers run up your slit as slow as human possible, until they finally reach your clit, your head tipping back and mouth opening the minute her fingers so much as graze it.

"awww," she exclaims through a chuckle, "god, you really were aching for it. that's it, pretty girl, you just shut your eyes and enjoy it. no thinking, just let it feel good, yeah?"

you nod, moaning softly, as her fingers start to circle your clit, just the way she knew you liked. your nails digging into the arm of the sofa underneath you as leigh played you like a fiddle, muttering dirty phrases under her breath endlessly.

"fuck, you look so good. does that feel nice, baby? oh, i bet it does, sweet girl! yeah, you're welcome, honey, i know this is what you needed."

as you pant and moan underneath her leigh decides she's bored of this, wordlessly bending down to her knees in front of you, fingers drifting downward as well to circle your entrance. laughing when she feels how you try to suck her fingers in as you clench around nothing.

"leigh, please, i need you..." you moan out without thinking, desperate to get her to finally fuck you, "i need you so bad, leigh...please? i'll be good."

"hmm, good girl, begging and i haven't even asked you to yet. just fucking perfect for me." she mutters under her breath as she sinks her fingers into you, blowing softly on your clit to watch your hips jump. "there you go, take it for me, baby. you can do it, come on, be a good girl and just take what i give you."

you moan loudly, grip on the sofa tightening as your nails dig into the fabric. legs subconsciously spreading wider for her of their own accord, every movement of your body fine tuned to her liking.

"that's it, baby, tell me how good it feels. i like to hear that i'm doing a good job." she jokes, winking at you when you fake playfully at her before shutting you up with her mouth on your clit.

your eyes squeeze shut, moaning as she sucks your clit into her mouth, alternating with the pace of her fingers sliding in and out of you expertly. she grins against you, knowing she's winding you up in exactly the right way, touching all the right spots and saying all the right things to make you want her that much more.

she speeds up her pace, apparently intent on having you ruin the upholstery on your couch, smirking when she feels the telltale clench of your walls around her fingers.

"shhh, baby, you have to quiet down, okay? we wouldn't want you to wake up the neighbors, right?" she smiles condescendingly before doubling her efforts, intentionally making you louder for her just to watch you flush at the thought and try to quiet back down before repeating the cycle.

within minutes, she has you cumming on her fingers and her tongue, gripping her hair as she insists on cleaning you up just to hear you whine under her as she teases your sensitive clit.

"leigh, i-"

"shhh, baby, she don't have to talk about it. all we need to know is that it made me feel better, and it definitely made you feel better." she grins, pulling you against her and kissing your head softly, allowing you to lay against her as you catch your breath.

[whovianshifts]

the gateway tape: focus 10

so, for the past few days, i've been getting really bored of focus-3. don't get me wrong, i've been reaching it, but i think the fact that it isnt challenging anymore sort of caused me to lose focus. so this morning, i woke up and decided that, before i started my day, i would listen to the focus 10 tape.

the other day, i had accidentally played the tape, so i sort of knew what i was getting myself into. it started off pretty much like the introduction: focus 3 tape, except it expected you to be more independent and he talked a lot less. personally, i found this far more effective as the quiet allowed me to focus on getting into a deep focus without being disturbed.

in the focus 10 tape, they still ease you into focus 3, before focus 10. and by the time id' reached this point, i was far more relaxed and in the 'void' than when i comparatively reached focus 3 in the actual introduction: focus 3 tape. whilst in the introduction: focus 3 tape, i found that i had to solely focus on the black behind my eyes, in this tape, i sort of fell into more of a deeeep trance. i stopped having to focus on entering the 'void' and instead just spontaneously fell into it. after a while, vivid blue swirls started to emerge, sort of spiralling into smaller swirls, the sort of vivid blue you see when you search up shifting and astral projection on pinterest, lol. it just kept going on perpetually and i was really mesmerised.

i love that in both tapes, you are encouraged to repeat affirmations. ones that sort of acknowledge the subconsciousness. at this point in the tape, i sort of started saying my own affirmations too and fell deeper into the trance. it was far more stable sort of void feeling for me than the focus 3 tapes felt - i didnt feel like i had to maintain it or anything, but that i was just in it. the colours and the lights were just so fun to observe them!

finally, he started counting down to focus 10 and this was when the game CHANGED for me. up until then, i had sort of experienced this all in varying degrees before. but when i tell you, what happened next was a life changing, i mean it. basically, first, he instructed to relax the body and then, part by body part, ordered each limb to sleep. and the craziest thing??? the moment he said it, i felt an overwhelming numbness, starting with my feet?? not like numbness where you can sort of recognise as numbness, really, but genuinely more like sleep, just automatically washing over my body. he counted down until my entire body was alseep and for the first time ever, i FINALLY understood what it *actually* meant to feel your body asleep and your mind alert and awake.

it was the coolest experience EVER.

at this point i was like, fuck it. i'm going to shift. i felt so powerful and confident and in touch with my subconscious and so i blocked him out (mainly because i think he was trying to awaken me, but also because i didnt understand what he saying at points) and began affirming that i was in my dr, visualising the surroundings. i found that visualisation was more dynamic - it felt much more three dimensional and realistic and immersive when compared to my usual visualisations - i was moving around and i felt like i was looking at the room through my own eyes. now, I NEED to play back the audio and see if this was an audio glitch or me experiencing symptoms, but at one point i felt him getting *significantly* quieter!?!?!? as soon as i noticed it, it went away lol, but i continued feeling other symptoms like flickering lights behind eyes, and floating and heart palpitations. i even slightly felt my body peeling away from this one, if you get me? it wasnt anything i havent experienced before, but bearing in mind that this all happened in the last 5 MINUTES of the tape. it really just solidified to me how *POWERFUL* this state of mind is for shifting.

i didnt shift but i woke up at the end of the meditation feeling like i had undoubtedly been somewhere else. for me, this was a win - a shift, really. like, you know when shifters talk about the fatigue of shifting, after coming back? oh my god. that's EXACTLY how it felt. i felt soo tired and drowsy and my heart felt like it was in my throat (not in an anxious way, but in a really out of body sort of way). it was like i had just woken up from a realllyyyyy long sleep, or just experienced the worst jetlag of my life? i cant describe it - it's a sort of exhaustion i've never felt before.

i just sat there, taking in what i'd experienced, silently. it was so out of body, but i only realised i after i got back here. like, i'll be honest, whilst in the moment of shifting, i felt like i was 'in still in my cr. but when i actually got back here? i realised how truly far away from my cr i had been. my cr felt so overwhelming; i completely spaced out and it took me another 15 minutes to ground myself here, which has never happened to me before.

it just goes to show that its not your surroundings, not your cr that holds you back, but your mindset. because at that pinnacle, you're a lot, lot, lot further than you think!! its actually really difficult to truly differentiate between your cr and dr when you're in that state of mind and the only thing holding you here is a belief that you're here.

overall, i give the focus 10 tape a 100000000/10. i've never EVER experienced something like this. spiritually, i think this experience transformed me, no joke. i finally understood what all those obscure shifting terms, those abstract feelings feel like! and i finally understand what people say shifting is actually so simple. i mean, hear me out, if you've ever experienced this, been in that trance, that void, that focus 10, that sweet spot - whatever you want to call it - truly, can you confidently tell me that you were in your cr? we think in limiting beliefs honestly - in the perspectives of negatives. "oh im not in my dr, oh im so far away from my dr," bro. you're just as close to your dr as you are to your cr. you've already left this reality BEHIND - its as simple as believing where you're going to wake up to shift!!!!

i cannot emphasise how truly LIFE CHANGING, and MIND ALTERING this experience was ???? i've learned more from like a week of these tapes, and especially this one, that 4 years of (albeit on and off) shifting. it changes everything for me. words cannot emphasise enough how grateful i am for these tapes and how wholeheartedly i recommend it to anyone struggling to shift.

anyway, future resolutions:

-continue getting comfortable with this 'sweet spot'. continue practicing the tapes. i firmly believe the only reason i didnt shift is because it was so new to me, and that in itself was overwhelming. with practice, i know i can master this!

happy shifting friends,

TISH :)

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

[faofinn]

6. Sick and Injured

His body was on fire, sirens and shouts and flashes of bright light overwhelming him. Everything merging into just too much. He couldn't do it, couldn't hold on, so he let go, the sudden snap of relief just welcome blackness. There was no fight against whatever was holding him down, forcing each breath down his throat. He was dying, he was sure of it, and he was just so exhausted. It wasn't giving up. or giving in, it would just be a rest, just a break. 

"Everyone ready? Yeah, Okay. This is Finn, he's 22 and has quite the extensive medical history. He was found by a member of the public on the side of the road, confused and combative. When we arrived, he was in and out but very agitated. Apparently witnessed falling over a few times, initially query intox, but has a medic-alert bracelet on his backpack - He's known epileptic from a TBI, with EDS, POTS, chronic pain, fatigue and a few other mental health conditions. 

"When he's fallen, he seems to have hit his head multiple times, he's got two reasonable sized lacs to the left side of his head, and one across his eyebrow. No boggy masses, but cheekbone feels deformed. Obvious dislocation, possible break to left shoulder / collar bone, looks pretty unstable at the minute.

"He is cannulated and tolerating an OP at the moment. He had a possible 30 second seizure as we moved to the ambulance, and he's gone a lot more vacant in the last three minutes or so.

"He's got a temp of 38.6, tachy at 126, hypotensive 98/76. bm of 6.2. Sats have been 92 on air, came up to 96 on 15L. Reduced air entry globally, nothing being shifted on the right base, sounds very congested and crackly there. We've got NOK details from his alert card, so can give them a call while you guys get him sorted, if there's nothing else you need from us?"

When Sheila had called Fao in the middle of the night to say his brother had disappeared, he had to admit it hadn’t quite been what he’d expected. He’d known Finn was struggling with a chest infection of some description, and they’d been worried about seizures, and so he expected the call to be from his mum saying they’d had to go to A&E. 

He’d been sitting up with a cup of tea, just in case Finn turned up at his place, when his phone rang again, showing as No Caller ID. He snatched it up, immediately hitting answer. 

“Hello?”

"Hi, is that, uh, Faolan?"

He winced. “Yeah, that’s me.”

"In just ringing about your brother, a Finn Daniels?"

He sighed. “What’s happened?”

"He's been brought into the ED, he's…he's quite unwell at the moment. It might be best if you were able to come in?"

“Has he had a seizure?” Fao asked, glad he was already dressed. “I’m on my way in.”

"I think it's best if we explain in person."

Oh, fuck. That didn’t bode well, and Fao felt a cold fear run through him. “George’s? I’ll be there in ten.”

"Yeah. Did you want to let the family know? Or would you rather I called them?"

“I’ll call them.”

"Thank you."

“Thanks for calling me.” Fao murmured. 

"I'm sorry it's not good news. Be safe getting in."

“Mm, thanks.” Fao said softly, before he put the phone down. He drained his mug, shoved his shoes on and grabbed his stuff before he woke Ollie to tell him he was going and he didn’t know when he’d be back. The drive to hospital was quick, Fao definitely not speeding. He called Sheila on the way, explaining what little knew, and soon he’d found somewhere to park and rushed into the hospital. 

Finn had continued to swing between agitated and not, the staff only growing more concerned. He'd been sedated slightly, mainly just to get him through CT, but they'd still yet to get a coherent response from him. Even the mention of Fao coming to see him didn’t seem to break through, Finn staring blankly through them. 

When Fao finally got to the reception desk, he felt like he was going to lose his mind. He hated not knowing anything, whoever he’d spoken to on the phone so vague and unhelpful. Yes, he appreciated things were best discussed in person, but an idea was helpful. He didn’t even know if this was a seizure, though with what Sheila had told him it was somewhat likely. 

They took him through, but he wasn’t allowed straight into resus, instead shown the relatives room to wait. He paced up and down like a caged tiger, his hair a mess from how many times he’d run his fingers through it, though it fell in his face all the same. 

There was a sharp knock on the door, all too clinical and harsh for the situation. "Hi, is it Fao?"

Fao stopped pacing. “Yeah. What’s going on? Nobody’s told me anything.”

"Sorry about that, do you want to have a seat?"

“Is he alive?” Fao barely dared to ask the question. 

They softened, giving him a small smile. "He is, he's currently in our resus bit. He's very not well at the minute, and we're waiting to get him stable enough to take up to ICU."

That wasn’t unusual for Finn, as awful as that was. His shoulders slumped with relief that his brother was still alive, and he scanned the doctor’s face to try and work out what was going on. “Was it a seizure? He’s had an infection brewing and that always sets him off, are we talking status? If you’re waiting on ICU I’m assuming he’s been tubed? Have you spoken with his consultant? I think he was looking at trying to arrange an admission anyway.”

"We're not entirely sure what's been going on. He was picked up at the roadside, by the sounds of it he'd fallen quite a few times. He's got some pretty significant head injuries at the moment. We've not intubated him yet, no, but it's looking likely that's the way it's heading. He's currently just about managing with some extra support, but it's…he's got a significant chest infection, pneumonia, and we're not sure if the falls he's had has made it worse, but his lungs aren't working as they should be." He sighed. "We've not been able to really have a chat with him at all, he's been very agitated and quite combative, so we've sedated him a little bit, for his safety. He currently has a little piece of plastic in his mouth, just to help him keep his airways open. It's not the most comfortable for him, but he needs it with the medications and the stuff going on."

Evidently this was going to be a long conversation, and Fao was sore from the sheer amount of pacing he’d been doing. He sat down, nodding. “Alright. I got a call off my mum about an hour ago saying he’d gone missing and was he at mine.” He murmured. “Has he had a CT for the head injuries? He can be really agitated and combative especially when he’s feeling overwhelmed. He doesn’t like to be touched, he doesn’t like a lot of people around him, especially after a seizure. I’m happy to give you any social or medical history that would help you out. He really hates things on his face, it’s a struggle to keep oxygen on him when he’s postictal, he’s a nightmare. He doesn’t always tolerate the OP well as he comes around so you’re best keeping him sedated a bit. He’s well known to ICU, his seizures unfortunately often lead to him in status and needing to be intubated.” He wasn’t trying to tell this doctor how to do their job, but it was hard when this was his little brother. 

"That's very helpful to know, thank you." They said, and meant it. "We're just currently waiting on the CT report, so we'll be able to give you a bit more insight then. Unfortunately his agitation has been pretty constant, even when left alone. And, with the infection, he needs to be on the oxygen, he's not managing without it at the moment."

“Yeah, I appreciate that.” Fao said. “He’s epileptic from a tbi as a ten year old, he always really struggles with his seizures when he picks up infections, and he’s been through some difficult personal stress in the last six months or so as well as some meds changes which have also made his seizures more difficult to control.”

"Of course. You can come and sit with him, if you'd like? I will warn you he does have quite a few injuries, he might not look quite like himself. 

“Nothing I can’t handle, I’m sure. I was with him when he had his initial TBI.” Fao said, standing up. “I’d like to see him.”

"I can't imagine how difficult that must have been."

“Makes Afghanistan look like a walk in the park.”

"Did you serve?"

He nodded. “Four tours, medical corps.”

"Wow, that's a lot."

“Yeah. Can I see my brother now?”

"Of course. Can i get you a cup of tea? Coffee?"

“I’m fine, thanks.” 

"Alright, just let me know. I'll let you though."

“Thanks.” Fao said, following him through into Resus. It was busy as always, though it was familiar to him now. His eyes flicked over to the bays, trying to find his brother’s. He hated this, being on the back foot with him. As much as moving out had been so much better for his mental health, it had its challenges too. 

Finn was crowded with doctors and nurses, poking and prodding at him. Unlike normal, he was too still, too quiet. While they'd obviously tried to clean the blood from his head injuries, each period of agitation had quickly opened them back up. His shoulder was almost in a sling, though it was clear he'd fought against that not so long ago. 

Fao’s eyes flicked critically over the monitors, trying to gauge where Finn was at. Not great. He took a moment at the foot of the bed, watching them work. Finn really didn’t seem like Finn, though at least he wasn’t fighting them in that moment. He fiddled with the lighter in his pocket,something to keep his hands busy. He’d instinctively reached for his tags, but they weren’t there any more, and he needed something to do. 

One of the nurses caught sight of Fao in her peripheral. "Hi, you must be Finn’s brother?"

Fao nodded. “Yeah. Sorry to linger, I didn’t want to interrupt you all.”

"No, no, of course not. Come on, you can come say hi to him."

Fao pushed through to come along side his brother, a stark contrast to how he usually was at work. They’d not recognised him yet, but he hadn’t been there long, and he was likely just another faceless surgeon when he was down there. He gently reached out to take Finn’s hand, cautious of a reaction from him. 

“Hey, Finn. It’s me, it’s Fao.”

Fao's voice, as it always seemed to, managed to break through to Finn. He blinked at Fao, his gaze dropping to their hands. 

“Hi. Got yourself into a bit of a mess, eh?”

"Oh, he definitely recognised you there." The nurse smiled, fussing over Finn. "Bet you're glad he's here, yeah? You'll have had him worried sick."

Fao squeezed his hand. “You’re a nightmare, you know that? Causing all this lot trouble, too. Look at you.”

The recognition he'd had quickly vanished, Finn looking straight through the lot of them. He pulled his hand from Fao's to rub at his face, his hand coming back red.

“It’s okay.” Fao soothed. “Do you think I could try and clean these wounds for him? I’m a doctor, I’ve got ID somewhere.” He asked, digging around in his pockets. 

"We shouldn't…" She hesitated. It was the most settled Finn had been, and the closest any of them had gotten to him. "I'll grab you some supplies."

He finally found his ID, the lanyard jangling. “Here, and I can give you my GMC if you want to document it.” He said, offering it to her. “Thank you.”

"Ah, brill. You know what the paperwork is like. Do you want a seat?"

“That would be great, thank you.”

"Won't be long." She said softly, resting her hand on his arm before disappearing off. 

“Thanks.” He murmured, leaning on the rails of the bed whilst he waited, watching his brother carefully. 

Finn seemed to fade back in, catching his brother’s eye and holding his gaze. A frown flickered across his face and he shoved his arm in Fao's general direction with a groan.

Fao took his hand. “Hey. Bet you feel shit right now, eh?”

He spat the plastic from his mouth, dislodging the mask on his face.  "My chest hurts."

“Mask needs to stay on, Finn.” Fao told him, but didn’t move to adjust it. “It’s going to hurt, you’re not well.” 

"Then help." He narrowed his eyes, his chest crackling with each breath. The cough didn't take long to follow, but Finn didn't move to cover his mouth or turn his head. 

“Here, let’s get this back on.” Fao said, adjusting the mask. “I know it’s horrid, but it will help you out.” He was definitely out of it, though seemed more coherent than before - coherent enough to complain, anyway. 

Finn scowled as Fao got close, but whatever argument he had planned was quickly lost. His arms stretched out, his shoulder dislocating once more, and his back arched in a seizure. His eyes were fixed in the corner as he groaned, his body contorted and stuck. It finished as quickly as it had started, the extra exertion making Finn struggle and cough.

Shit. 

Fao winced as Finn’s shoulder slipped out of place again, as his back arched and the seizure took him. He was about to hit the emergency bell when it stopped, Finn struggling with his breathing again as his body tried to catch up. He considered going to find someone as the nurse reappeared, chair in hand. 

“He’s just had a seizure, all of about two seconds long, and that shoulder’s gone again.” 

She winced. "Ah, bless him. I'll get some more diazepam for him. The anaesthetists are on their way down, they'll probably have a chat with you. You probably know them, at least better than you know us."

“Maybe, yeah. I’ve not been here long. He needs his neuro really.”

"I think it's Dr Cunningham on this evening."

“Perfect.” Fao said, unable to stop the smile. “He’s Finn’s main consultant.”

"Oh, that's worked out well then." She said gently, moving to check on Finn. 

The younger man had returned to his vacant staring, though still struggled to catch his breath. His saturations hovered just under acceptable, and the doctor sighed from behind them.

"We'd hoped to wait, but I think we should go ahead and get that chest drain in now."

Fao hummed. “Worth doing whilst he’s a bit more settled than he has been.” He took a seat gladly in the chair the nurse had brought him, stroking gently through Finn’s hair. 

"Right, let's get an airway dump, just in case, and then give him a little more sedation. No point making it worse for him."

“Can I stay with him?”

"He's fine to stay." The nurse told the doctor. "He's fine."

Fao glanced at the doctor, relieved the nurse seemed to be on his side. He couldn’t leave Finn again, he just couldn’t. Besides, clearly he was doing something right, because his brother was settled. 

"We'll get you to sit on his other side, yeah? We might have to move you, so just bear with." The doctor happily listened to the nurse. "How are we getting on with that sedation? Got it? Brilliant. Let's get this done for him."

[c0rpseductor]

cannot even articulate how pissed i am about this thing i remembered

when i was really little my dads mom got me and my two younger cousins matching Easter presents. they were cute little junk plushies, like, these little easter ducks in different colors, and i got really attached to mine and named him mr. ducky. i lost him one day and was really upset about it.

EXCEPT!!! fucking. UGH. i really don’t like making a huge habit of talking about this but im going to Blow Up and it’s my blog. id been switching a lot recently with a part that’s a little kid and remembers more about my/our childhood, so i remembered or found out or whatever what actually happened to the toy and im like. livid.

my parents openly complained in front of me that my grandma shouldn’t have gotten me more toys because i already have too many stuffed animals basically the minute she was out of earshot. they used to be real fucking anal about the amount of stuffed animals i was allowed to have, and make me go through them all every so often to donate because they didn’t like them taking up space (i had a lot but never enough to cause any kind of problem, it was purely fucking punitive bc they knew it would make me sob for ages). so they hated my duck already. and then he went missing and they didn’t try to help me very much and were just kind of like Oh well! Maybe he’ll turn up haha! <- FUCKING UNBOTHERED.

and some time after initially losing my duck i got taken to goodwill and saw a suspiciously identical duck in the plushie section my parents wouldn’t let me have. im like. Dead sure they took and got rid of it bc they thought it was just junk and i didn’t need more toys, and pretended they hadn’t, bc they had a petty fucking grudge against a toy my grandmother got me. FOR EASTER. fucking whooooo does that to their kid.

of course i’m so incandescently pissed i want to confront my mom about it but of fucking course nothing would come of it bc it’s insane. but it’s not really About the toy anyway. it’s like. how much do you have to resent your child to take their treasured belongings in secret? how little regard do you have to have for your kid to do that kind of horseshit? it baffles me. sometimes they could genuinely do such nice and thoughtful stuff but then other times they would do shit like this. and of course they were also horribly abusive but im just so fixated on this bc it’s new and like. i don’t get how you can even pretend to like your kid so convincingly when you have this level of simultaneous disdain for the fact that he’s a child who draws breath at all. god forbid our son have toys. Jesus Christ

[mccoys-killer-queen]

Seeing Kix's last ever live show Part 1- the rant

Gonna preface this post with the fact that there's going to be a lot of complaining and lamenting and it doesn't have a happy ending, so if that makes you upset then don't read it

in order to understand my mood throughout this entire event, I need to explain what happened in May first or you won't understand why I'm so devastated:

On the last night of M3, during Kix's performance, they announced their sudden retirement at the end of the summer, and announced their final show date as Sept 17th at the Merriweather again. The next day, I emailed Mark Schenker (Kix's bassist and PR guy) about potentially getting photo credentials for the final show. I figured what's the harm in asking, as Mark's been very kind to me over the past year and already got me photo passes twice. To my surprise, he said that I could, and that I should message him when the show gets closer. I even asked him what kind of ticket I should get for the final show, since I didn't know how the Merriweather handles photographers. He replied that he didn't know what types of tickets there were, and that all he knew was that they went on sale the next day.

This was the last time he ever spoke to me.

Last Sunday, I emailed Mark, reminding him about my credentials for the final show. All last week, I was obsessively refreshing my emails, waiting for that email from him to pop up, saying "you're all set" like always.

It never came.

Mark has always been a man of very little words in my experience, and he also always tended to respond at the last second (like the day OF the show hours prior to doors opening), so I kept my faith. I could just feel something was wrong, though- when at least 5 days went by and still just nothing. Every day I was looking for a sign that things would go okay, but by Friday I have to admit I started losing faith. I emailed Mark again on Saturday, simply forwarding my first email to him in case it got buried somehow.

I just had this gut feeling I wasn't going to be so fortunate this time around.

I constantly refreshed my emails. I did it at work. I did it while driving. I did it in the middle of the night. I did it in the rain. I did it waiting outside the venue. I did it after the box office told me they didn't have a photo pass for me.

Nothing.

By the time Sunday came around and I still had no word from Mark, I was essentially depressed. I was insatiably upset and lethargic. I wasn't even excited for the show anymore. I couldn't think of any way I could possibly enjoy myself, knowing that the biggest night of my photography career- the biggest gig I would ever shoot, the pivotal moment I had been waiting for all fucking summer (for FOUR MONTHS AND THEN SOME)- was all a fucking lie. I spent every day since May 8th believing I would be in the photo pit for Kix's last ever show. I told people. I made plans. It was everything to me.

My last gleaming bit of hope was when I was waiting in line to get into the venue. By some miracle, maybe there was a pass for me, and Mark just forgot to tell me.

Nothing.

I emailed him one last time in vain. I don't know why I did. The box office people told me to, so I guess I felt like I had to. I stood there in the rain for the next 20 minutes, again, obsessively refreshing my emails. I begged the box office people to contact Mark somehow, but they said they don't have that power.

That's when I officially gave up.

I began to walk back to my car in the pouring rain- a 6 minute walk- to put my camera back. I'd come all this way for nothing. Yes, I was still going to the show, but it felt completely pointless now. Over the past year, Kix and I have had this sort of love affair going- with my photographing them and emailing Mark, with Steve holding my hand and loving my artwork when I gave it to him, with me meeting all them (minus Mark).

All of that just over the past 11 months- and this is how it fucking ended.

I cried as I walked back, feeling like a fucking idiot for ever believing I would actually be in the pit for a gig that huge. I got soaked, I was cold, and I was absolutely, totally heartbroken. It was all over. It was officially proven to be hopeless. I couldn't move. I couldn't feel. I just wanted to hide away.

Once I got in the venue, I smiled sadly to myself, because the sight of Merriweather made me feel like I was back at M3- but everything felt wrong. M3 was at the peak of springtime, it was sunny and warm and bright and happy- whereas this was drenched, gloomy, cloudy, dark, and just all around sad. It was like I was in the Upside Down version of the Merriweather. Everything was there, but everything felt wrong.

I ended up getting a shirt and some other merch, downed an orange crush in under 2 minutes and bought another immediately after, and went to my seat. Uncomfortably numb at this point. I saw all the photographers getting ready right below me, as my seat was all the way to stage left and second row from the front where the entrance to the pit was.

I started crying when I saw the photographers gathering. I was supposed to be with them. I was told I would be with them. It was supposed to be me, too. It was a fucking lie. I didn't feel special at all; I felt like a spoiled fucking kid who didn't get what they wanted.

So in conclusion: I got my heart completely shattered last night. I am extremely angry with Mark Schenker. I cannot believe such a wonderful connection with a wonderful band ended this way- I'm completely shocked and utterly devastated. It was very hurtful and invalidating to me as a photographer, and incredibly demeaning to me as a person- not to mention embarrassing.

I don't know why Mark ghosted me, and I may never know. I was at least worth an email that said "no". How did all the other photographers get passes if Mark wasn't checking his fucking emails? He had to have seen mine. I did everything I was supposed to and more.

I'm grieving right now, and my confidence is just completely gone. And after all of that, I still had Kix's final show to watch.