#but i just never mentioned it bevause. i mean how do you do that.

[theoldaeroplane]

(pawing through the Hallmark cards) (muttering) where's the "i scored over my dr's diagnostic criteria for PTSD" section?

[clangenrising]

If you don’t mind constructive criticism, I just wanna say, outright using the word “sex” is a bit inappropriate. Like, you mentioned this blog will never depict sexual content on screen, but stating that word onscreen seems a bit…much. I know the header states that there might be some content of that sort but I still think it would be better if you refrain from directly stating that word, since a notable number of your fans are minors.

I disagree. Strongly.

First of all, having frank discussions about sex is not inappropriate. Sex is a normal part of human life and the more taboo we make it the less prepared people are for actually interacting with it. Saying I shouldn't mention sex outright because some of my audience are minors is like saying there shouldn't be sex ed in schools because it would be inappropriate and that's just not true. It's been proven over and over that sex ed and discussing sex with minors in a responsible way leads to them having safer sex when they do decide to become sexually active. So no, it's not inappropriate for me to mention sex.

Secondly, how is saying the word sex any worse than strongly alluding to the fact that Razor has sexually assaulted Scorchplume? Is the latter fine just because I never say "sex" outright? Because I would argue that THAT is probably the thing that edges closest into being NSFW and it's still not inappropriate and I'm not going to stop doing either of those things because this is a story about human connections (told through cats) and that includes how they engage with sex. That's the story I want to tell and it's resonated with a lot of people and I'm not going to censor myself.

Thirdly, even if there are minors in my audience, it's not my job to control the content they engage with. Like I've said, I'm never going to depict sexual content on screen so I don't think I have to cordon my work off just because some of the characters have sex lives and talk about them sometimes. My stuff is no worse than most teen dramas anyway. If my work makes a minor uncomfortable then thats on them to stop engaging with my work. I'm not going to stop making what I want to make bevause some minors found it. Its not like i cultivated a young audience on purpose so I could show them something inappropriate. I don't think my work is inappropriate in the first place and just because it's mature doesn't mean I should change its content so its more "kid friendly" or that I need to police who is reading it.

So I won't be taking that piece of criticism. If you take constructive criticism, I would urge you to re-examine why you think saying the word sex is inappropriate and then educate yourself on why sex ed and frank discussions of these kinds of topics is important.

[walkawaytall]

Maybe I'm a little bit late but for the fanfic writer asks

8. Is there a story idea you have that you would love if it could appear fully realized but that you do not think you’ll ever write yourself?

And thank you for number 13, I learned another unhinged part of fanfiction history bevause of it🤣😳

It's never too late to ask questions! But it's also particularly not too late this time because I was not kidding when I said I've been trying to distract myself from a stressful thing I have to be vague about right now, and this stressful thing will likely drag on for months, hooray!

Always happy to tell people about My Immortal :D. (I am not, for the record, Tara Gilesbie. Which I suppose is exactly what Tara Gilesbie might say. But I'm really not.) Have you seen the Sarah Z. YouTube video about that whole thing? Because that is a wild ride.

For question 8...Okay, it's funny because you'd think since I wrote these questions myself, I'd have answers for all of them, but the answers I have are...barely answers for this one.

I think I mentioned before that I just like the concept of a fic based on the song "When the Party's Over" by Billie Eilish. It feels very Hoth-era pining to me, but I don't actually have a story of any sort to go along with this vague concept, so I just have an empty document that's titled "When the Party's Over" that's been on my computer for months because I was so certain I would write this, but no actual idea has ever materialized, so I don't know that I ever will write it. But I sure wish it existed, because the idea sounds rad. I mean...

Don't you know I'm no good for you? I've learned to lose you, can't afford to Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin' But nothin' ever stops you leavin'

Similar thing with...I have a document for story concepts, and most of them are actual concepts -- stuff like "Poe knows Kylo Ren", "AU — Leia and Vader are aware of each other’s existence and still hate each other", etc. And then I just have this quote, which is something John Green quotes in my favorite chapter of his book The Anthropocene Reviewed (which is a great book, and the audiobook is read by John. I highly recommend it):

“We did not spend our days gazing into each other’s eyes. We did that gazing when we made love or when one of us was in trouble, but most of the time our gazes met and entwined as they looked at a third thing. Third things are essential to marriages, objects or practices or habits or arts or institutions or games or human beings that provide a site of joint rapture or contentment. Each member of a couple is separate; the two come together in double attention. Lovemaking is not a third thing but two-in-one. John Keats can be a third thing, or the Boston Symphony Orchestra, or Dutch interiors, or Monopoly.” -Donald Hall

And, frankly, I don't know what the heck that's supposed to mean. I have no accompanying story idea; I just really enjoy the concept of "...most of the time our gazes met and entwined as they looked at a third thing." But, what was I expecting myself to do with this? I don't know! So, considering how much I like this quote, if I could find some way to make a story pop into existence fully formed around...whatever I was thinking when I pasted this quote into my Concepts document, I'm sure I'd love it.

Thanks for the questions!

fanfic writer asks

[poltergeist-coffee]

It's 2am for rn and I have to go to the dentist by the morning but

THE EGGS ARE BACK

RICHAAAAS

MY BOY

I MISSED HIM SO MUCH

AND POMME GOT HIT BY A BRICK DURING THE EARTHQUAKE??? POOR GIRL

RICHAS A DAPPER BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER

Poor Bagi being confused by the strange family that Richas has

SHE IS HIS MOM NOW YEAAAAAAAH

I'VE BEING WAITING TO THEM TO MET FOR SO LONG

Bagi now has someone to be with her during the madrugada:3(I actually have no idea how this time after the modnight and before the morning is called)

FOREVER COME BACK, YOUR SON IS BACK

Oh... Bagi is telling that Forever came back from nether with short hair:(

FOREVER WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO US????

...

Elauackity... took care of the eggs?

Ok, alright, Richas said that "took care" is to much 9f strong word with good meaning

He just made sure that they didn't die

Alright, this sounds like him

Ooohh

Richas is saying that Elquackity seems like he remembers him in a strange way

Like remembering through photos? Hhhmmm

Did I ever say that I find extremely cute that Richas call Quackity "Pa quack"? Or how he calls Etoiles "tonton Etoiles"?

I should stop watching Bagi and Richas but... I MISSED MY BOY FOR SO LONG

I missed him hitting people, missed his sense of humor, missed his typing errors, missed his iconic head turn

I should stop writing, it will end up waking my writer evil alter ego

I will never not find cute Pac calling Richas "nenem"

THAT'S HIS BABY BOY YOUR HONOR

RICHAS IS SATING THAT QUACKITY IS HIS DAD AND HE MISSES HIM

"He aways come back"

-Richarlyson about Quackity

Gosh... Bagi met Kameto, she met Wilbur and she met LUZU and she never met Mike...

"But if your dad Mike don't come back your dad Pac will be without ground"

...

MIKE WAKE UP

My man was kidnapped by a university in Canada

"Once paid Cellbit took, EXACTLY, 1 hour and 20 minutes to chose ONE BLOCK"

I can see him doing that

And I could relate, but sometimes I get impatient and just look what block looks good and go with it

Also, it rained the whole day where I live

FINALLY

I kinda don't want it to rain tomorrow, because if it does, there will be classes because it won't have the internal games, and because I will have to go out

And my dad, who opened the door that goes outside, half soaked and said "I think it's raining"

I didn't want to laugh but I didn't expect it KKKKKK

- 🍽

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO TT THE BABIES ARE BACK!!!! ALL THE HUEVITOS TTTT OOORGH HOW I MISSED THEM SO MUCH!!!! AND THEY ALL GOT HEALED AND HAVE BOTH THEIR LIVES BACK IM SO HAPPY TT (i saw someone even mention how it looks like the cracks on them have shrunken so they really are healed!!)

RICHAS WAS PROTECTED FORM BEING HIT BY ANYTHING BEVAUSE OF ETOILES :”(( WAAAAAAH ETOILES TT

egg on egg violence (dapper vs richas pfff)

RICHAS FINALLY GETS TO MEET HIS MOM CRABRAVE 🦀🦀 he’s got two moms now (mine and now bagi!!!) (i don’t know if he’s ever called lore mom so i’m not counting her…) (regardless he’s not beating empanada who has the most mothers on the island kekw)

in english the time after midnight and before morning is called dawn!!

forever my beloved werewolf boy,,,please come home we miss you,,,, your son he’s awake and we need you to expand the Ninho,,,, cubito please wake up,,,,

elquackity did NOT take care of them he was a BITCH when we saw him talking to the eggs in purgatory >:[[

elquackity being a clone of quackity real??? he stole quackity’s memories maybe?? or parts of it at least… especially the part that was fond of q!wilbur

tonton etoiles is so cute 🥺 richas still calling elquackity “pa quack” makes me sad esp because el!q is not the quackity that richas knows TT that’s not his dad!! el!q should not get the 1% parenthood of him!!

pac and richas have such a cute relationship tbh :”)) i still remmebr when pac came back from being kidnapped by the prison guard and when he saw richas he immediently started kissing him all over and saying how much he missed him like orrrrgh they’re adorable TT pac loves richas so much,,,

MAKNKVHKNSKJA QMIKE WAS CANONICALLY ABDUCTED BY THE ENTITY KNOWN AS UNIVERSITY IN CANADA XDD i’m sorry richas your pa mike is getting an education right now… when he comes back he will be even smarter then before i promise

MSKNKVHS OH NO YOUR POOR DAD XDD it’s been getting colder where i live recently :0 but the weather is never consistent so tomorrow it might be really sunny and warm,,, i’ll have to wait and see lol

[transmasc-wizard]

hey I’m sorry if it’s a dumb question but I’ve recently starting reading on loveless and I think it’s a valid argument. Love doesn’t have to be the whole point.

But someone who does feel love- to me it does feel like it’s the whole point so I’m a writer and I just wanted to ask if it’s okay if use sentences like -isn’t love the whole point’ in my writing bevause thays what it feels like to my character. I don’t mean to sound ignorant I really want to know because what if someone who identifies with lovelessness reads up my writing. I don’t want them to feel bad about it yk

First, there's no such thing as a dumb question. I will never shame people for asking honest, good-faith questions, like you are.

Second, I personally am not loveless; I am aromantic, and have a very complicated relationship to the word "love", but at the moment I don't use the label "loveless" for myself (I use lovequeer)--I'm just noting that before I answer your question.

So, you do not sound ignorant at all. This is a really, really kind question; most people would never think to even ask. And to answer, to the best of my ability: I don't think it's bad, as long as you frame it as "this is the truth for this character's life".

For some people, love is why they keep going! Love is the point for them! And that's good. That's okay. Everyone has different experiences. You said that for yourself, for instance, love is the point; that's totally fine to feel as long as you respect that for other people, it isn't. The same logic applies to the characters you write.

And you don't have to go into an essay about "love is the whole point.... except for xyz in abc situation" every time you want an inspiring line about love. As long as you let the story overall point out that, like you said, that's what it is for your character personally.

You could have them support someone who DOESN'T care about love as much/at all and/or is loveless, or in a less tense situation (since those "love is the whole point" situations, it's usually pretty important/tense) have them casually mention that they don't think love is the point for everyone.

Again, the fact that you bothered to ask this at all means you're definitely on the right track. I think it'd be fairly easy to just put in a line or two about how it's ok for others to be disconnected with love or not feel love, and how that's just what it is for your character.

I hope this helps! (Loveless aros, please do feel free to add on.)

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

Can we please talk about how Carlos is the most beautiful and supportive partner to Tk? Like he doesn’t drink because he wants to support his sobriety, he cooks amazing meals for him, he will literally stop what his doing if Tk doesn’t feel good and he is all about communication. That whole episode with Cooper just solidified for me just how amazing Carlos is. The fact he stopped doing his Yoga because Tk felt restless and focused all his attention on him. THEN even though he was a bit jealous that Tk was going to Cooper instead of him, he put it all aside because he knew that’s what Tk needed. Not to mention him moving them into a beautiful home, making it comfortable for both of them because it was something Tk was so apprehensive about.

I mean are you fucking serious? Could he get anymore sexy? I think that’s one of Carlos’ most attractive qualities, how much he cares for the people he loves. He’s got this authoritative cop vibe but when it comes to Tk ���he is just sooooo soft 🥺

Me likey, a lot.

(*side note: they need to do the ‘hey baby’ thing more because…..yes)

^^^^

I don’t know what more can I add to this because it’s perfect and you’re right, Carlos Reyes is perfect.

Carlos’s character arc is so beautiful and important to me like they show this guy who seems like he is very composed and has all his shit together. But then there’s 2.04 and 2.08 and you see that’s actually not true. He’s a very complex character with his own issues and traumas. He’s a control freak and he doesn’t do well with situations where he can’t help which we dan see again and again in S3.

I didn’t think I would love the breakup storyline initially but I did. I think the reasons were very realistic. Carlos is a control freak and TK is somebody who runs away when shit gets tough. They specifically addressed that thing this season which I think was great.

3x13 is actually my favorite epsiode bevause it showed a healthy portrayal of a relationship. TK stated that Carlos can’t be his everything and while Carlos had difficulty accepting it initially- he did realise that TK was righr by the end which is a great character developmenr.

P.S. food and touch beinf his love language is my favorite thing and yes they need to do the “hey baby” thing more. It’s never enough ekwhwkwkwn)

[keepmeinthedark]

The Pact

your typical "if neither of us are married by the time we're 30 we'll get married" pact

i've seen this ship floating around the place a little bit and i'm trying to experiment with ships at the moment so this was born

Marlene McKinnon & Emmeline Vance (mentions of Dorlene, Blackinnon and Wolfstar)

"Do you ever feel weird?" Marlene suddenly asked.

"Weird? In what way?"

Marlene shrugged and took a puff out of her cigarette. The two Ravenclaws were layed out on their dorm room floor, both underdressed (Marlene in just jeans and her bra while Emmeline had a crop top on, no bra but was wearing a thong) and sharing lazy kisses and touches.

They had been having this sorta "friends with beinfits" agreement for the majority of their sects and seventh year. Both were into girls and although Emmelines sexuality was still up in the air Marlene didn't mind. It was nice to have someone to go to after watching Dorcas with her new girlfriend. Marlene needed a break from serious relationships and Emmeline needed a good fuck. So they compromised.

"Oh y'know... It's friday night and there's this massive party going on in Gryffindor and yet for some reason I find myself here with you."

"Oh thanks, I'm really feeling the love now," Emmeline laughed, softly beginning to run her hand up and down Marlenes stomach.

"No. I just mean -- I really thought Dorcas was the one. I had it all planned. After the war we were going to get married and live in a cottage with a dog and two baby girls, and now it's all over and Dorcas is over in the bloody Gryffindor common room probably shagging Hestia Jones as we speak."

Emmeline laughed again, "Oh so what? Fuck Dorcas you'll find someone else. You know that right?"

She shrugged, "What if I don't? What if I'm destined to be alone with five cats?"

"Five cats? Where are you getting the other four from?"

"Oh yknow one from you, another from Edgar and then one from Caradoc and finally Dorcas"

"Why is Dorcas buying you a cat?"

"To make up for breaking my heart"

"Aw Marls," Emmelines voice went soft "You will find someone else. There's plenty of fish in the sea."

"Yeah not in the lesbian sea. Why is it hard for me. I mean I can go into Gryffindor and get any single guy I wanted but if I do I'd be lying not only to him but to myself. I could've stayed with Sirius in third year but nooooo God had to fuck both of us over and make us gay. And then Sirius found Remus and they're happy together, and both out. It's so easy for him why can't it be easy for me? Why can't Dorcas be the Remus to my Sirius?"

"Bevause it doesn't work like that. Sirius and Remus have been best friends since like forever and you and Dorcas had just met you didn't know each other yet I guess. Sirius and Remus work bevause they know each other and that's something that you didn't have with Dorcas of Sirius i think. You just have to go with the flow. I'm sure it's not as easy for them as you think."

Marlene took another puff out of her cigarette "Yeah you're probably right. I just don't want to end up alone, that's all"

"Well then! If that's what you're worried about, how about we make a pact?"

"A pact?"

"Yeah, yknow a promise."

"Yeah I know what a pact is you idiot," Marlene laughed "What kind of pact?"

"If neither of us are married or in a relationship when we're 30 then we marry each other."

Marlene sat up and looked at her friend. Her and Emmeline have never been more then sex, they had never talked about there feelings for each other being anymore then attraction. And Emmeline was Marlenes favorite person easily, the sex was good and even if they weren't "in love" how was anytbing they did know be different to what they would be doing if their relationship was romantic.

She nodded, "Alright then Vance, you've got yourself a deal," she said holding her hand out.

Emmeline rolled her eyes and took her hand, shaking for it once before pulling her into a kiss.

Marlene smiled as she kissed back.

[hongism]

Hello caly/calypso/hongism/author of one of the best (of THE best, perhaps?) Ateez fanfics to grace the internet! This is gonna be long af dream stuff but

It is I, the poly of the roly, here to tell you:

Last night or sometime recently (it's hard for me to keep track of the days because I work 12 hour shifts overnight) I'd checked your blog as I do every couple days to a week depending how busy I am and saw the ask that was about the moc update and you were all sure let me put my life on hold real quick no BIG ! (BTW I haven't checked yet but if you've still got all that work ahead of you I hope you're taking GOOD care of yourself and getting plenty of rest 😤 and I will send good vibes to wherever you are so if you find random money or a stranger buys you a sandwich or something then I'll pretend it's because my vibes so good vibes so strong) so anyway I had seen that right after I got home from work and then passed right out so in my dream you ended up uploading the next chapter because a bunch of people had been hounding for an update and you were v v upset and didn't want to answer any asks understandably but THEN. then. Moc got turned into a TV show and it was fuckin COOL caly, way cooler than I'd ever imagined. And then because dream things it shifted from me watching it as a TV show to it being the reality i was in and at first I was y/n until I was like wait but I'm not a girl and then y/n was you (kind of, she was called Calypso, Caly for short and I don't really remember what she looked like besides brown hair which is what I've always pictured y/n with so she was you? But like your online persona I guess lol) and we were preparing to go rescue San and there was a LOT of tension between y/n and Seonghwa (also when my dream supplied you as y/n I remember thinking like o shit now we're gonna get a LOT of tension between her and joong lmao). I don't really remember what my story was like how I ended up there, I think I was just enlisted randomly for help like someone knew of my status and sought me out? But originally I was pretending to be a spectre when I was actually a normie who was very good at rogue-esque shit. Jongho was my first friend because y/n wouldn't talk to me cause I guess I was a lil too sus for her. Later Yunho and I became friends through constantly making faces at each like we were on the office whenever anything awkward happened between seonghwa and y/n trying to skirt around each other (I think seonghwa and hongjoong were together....? I don't remember!) and eventually there was some *other* stuff between Yunho and I at WHICH POINT. IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT I WAS APPARENTLY A SIREN BUT HAD LITERALLU NO MEMORY OF IT BEVAUSE *serum thingz* AND had no access to the dreamscape or didn't realize I was there when dreaming once again I do not remember. But basically it's my dream so it had to make me special lmfao also I don't remember anything about the actual mission but we got San back and there was a really cute reunion with him and all the crew but ALSO a very long awaited SMOOCH between San and y/n with hands squeezing each other's faces as if to make sure they'll never disappear again it was so cute. And then I realized I had a lot of shit to work out since I had a whole life I needed to figure out so once it was all over, I left without much of a goodbye and it stopped showing it from my pov and more like I was watching it like a show again and so for a few episodes of the moc TV show yunho had a short lived but very fiery romance with a normie-pretend-spectre-actually-siren who slipped quietly off the ship with little more than a pat on Yunhos shoulder v.v thank you for reading my dream fanfiction moc TV show sorry it was so long and BASICALLY WENT NOWHERE

-- rolypoly (also I forgot to mention but in my dream when I saw that you'd updated because you were tired of people bothering you about an update I was very bummed for you and didn't even read it. But I did watch the TV show. Although I didn't really have a choice because my eyes were basically a camera at that point. Dream stuff fun stuff)

BESTIE THIS WAS A WHOLE TRIP AND A HALF?!?!? ngl im pretty tipsy rn so it's even more of a trip than the first time i read it goodness im in love with this concept tho like yunho deserves it moc needs more drama as we all know it doesn't have NEARLY enough drama as it is!??! altho i must say,,,,,, an ? a ? for some reason saying a moc outloud sounds really wrong but anyways that's not even important at all just a tv show after moc would be so fun i would watch it i would love it i love that idea but don't you worry im not posting that chapter until i'm happy with it, so sadly that means everyone has to wait a little while longer for it to be up to my standards 😔💔

[lesbiancarat]

Oohh tis me, the anon that sent the long message about superstar pledis. I am back but this time on the topic of paid content lol

So for a long time I have been a bit surprised we don't see a specific account for svt, that does paid content. Sure you have say like17subs who do alot of hard work to give us subs for content thats mostly free and you may see a kind soul pop up to give us paid content every blue moon but its not like say bts (I know I shouldn't maybe mention bts but they are the best group to go off for examples) with bts, the fandom has a pretty solid network for people who do this. Mainly there is one big one, originally there was two but the first person who went by miintae, closed down. For one at the time they were the only ones responsible for posting paid content like yearbooks, concerts, vlive content, etc but also their difference was they also were an archive for older and even rarer bts content. So many fans like myself who were new to group, found her account super helpful! Welp that sadly had to end because bighit found out about her account thanks to many fans reporting her account and took her down, twice even. I think this and also the stress for constantly having to upload made her leave for good and took down all of her content so I read your reply about how its best to be an archive account. Not really bevause you will STILL get bad apples coming to you for this.

So what is the best solution? I really don't know. For bts I think because since at their close of their career, we have seen accounts pop up for paid stuff so it is sort of established per se that we will see that so you don't see that much fuss (I mean you do, I saw it when bts were on fancafe and fans were saying not to post stuff bc its not ok and we could get bts to stop posting. Never happened lol. We even see it now where fans make it a big deal) so for svt I don't think we saw that and thats why it might be trickier for someone to start this up. Especially now that pledis is with bighit and they have gotten VERY strict over stuff like this. To me, when fans complain about people sharing content makes me scream bc you do realize not everyone can afford such things? They cost money and sometimes these content isn't something that can be watched where they are from because it isn't available in their country or simply they don't want to spent the extra money for whatever their reasoning is. This doesn't make anyone less of a fan, its why fans who CAN support their favs with paying stuff, help balance out things. The company doesn't loose money and fans can enjoy stuff (granted sometimes some paid content is wild like the bh new years event? Why would anyone pay for that?)

Anywho i apologize for annoying you and the people that follow the blog for svt updates lol. I like discussing and yeah cx

ooh thats interesting. dhfjfh i don't mind u bringing up bts for things like this bc it's always interesting to hear experiences from other fandoms bc while kpop fandoms have a lot of similarities and crossovers where u can sometimes make generalizations, it's not always the case. and i always compare things Carats do to toppklass (toppdogg fandom) bc that's the main other experience i have too dhfjfj

but yeah it's doesn't surprise me that the account(s) posting a lot of paid content eventually got reported and taken down, i think all or most kpop fandoms are similar in that aspect bc there are so many capitalist bootlickers here OTL but it's interesting that there were armys that tried whereas like u said, there are only Carats who will upload paid content once in a blue moon

and yeah to be clear I wouldn't be surprised if even an account uploaded archived paid content still got reported either, i just think it might stand a better chance at lasting longer than an account uploading new paid content

i do wonder if any Carats will try at some point in the future, but i don't think it's likely especially bc, as you said, bighit is getting super strict with it. i already saw one account on twt that was planning to stream in-complete but backed out bc they were afraid of getting sued. + just the culture of how anti-pirating Carats are. which yeah I totally agree on all your points about why anti-pirating is dumb lol

but yeah I'd kill to have an account/archive with all of svts paid content all in one place

and lol i actually like talking about this stuff too! i just try not to go out of my way to talk about it bc a) i tend to write a lot when I do and that takes a lot of time and b) i try to keep my blog mostly positive for both mine and my followers sake dhfjf although I'd put the pirating stuff in a more neutral category than purely negative, at least in this context where were mostly talking about logistics dhfjf

also anon if you're planning on popping in my inbox more in the future and you want to give yourself an emoji or nickname so I can tag u just let me know! (u just can't use the 🌙 emoji bc that's taken by a different anon! also if u opt for a nickname nothing ship related or inappropriate, etc :3)

[kooandme]

001/?

hi friend,

i decided to start something like this.. something like a diary. i’m not sure if i’m able to keep it up for more than a day, but hey, you never know! i mean i kinda do, but who knows..

i kinda wanted to start this because lately (several years) i’ve been feeling terrible, why is it that i only remember the worst days? well, no one really wants to listen to me, no one really cares even if they claim they do. it feels like being lied to constantly and it kind of sucks if i’m being super honest. the last time i opened up to someone i regretted it the very next second. i remember tryng to open up about my suicidal tendencies, especially overdose but the reaction was so... it just wasn’t enough to make me believe they care. the thing is, they told me first about their faltering mental health, they also mentioned how they had to told their mom to hide some pills bcs something may happen. and when i thought it’s gonna be fine if i say “same” or “i feel that” but it just werent. their reaction was so ,....? underwhelming? as if they were not expecting that nor accepting it. as if they were always the one to suffer more, as if they always had it the worst. and i hate that. I HATE IT so much, having to forever compare my own struggles to others’ and they decide they arent that bad so im not gonna do anything abt them. im so tired of that. 

i know its my fault too.. i need exact, specific reaction to make me believe i didnt make mistake opening up. i dont know what the reaction im looking for is, but not something underwhelming, as if to feel sorry for me or sad. i dont want any of that. and i dont know why it makes me so fucking angry all the time, its just people suck so bad. and so do i. and theres just this negativity and negativity and nothing nice or fun. i hate how ppeople seek support and validation but dont look back to do the same for others. i hate that this is my mindset and i hate that no one cares whether i live or die. people gonna just pretedn to be sad on their instagram stories or twitter and be like “they were such a nice person..:(” NO i werent, and you wouldnt know if you tried to know me. im not a nice or good person, and i hate that people see me as that.. because that means tahat its all a lie and... i just keep lying to everyone around me. and that sucks.

i think im depressed as well. especially during quarantine i just.. ive been so out of it. and its not only because of quarantine, to be honest it has started when i was around 13-14 but i repressed it obviously. now i can see the illness in all its glory. no motivation, loss of EVERY SINGLE interest, terrible fucking hygiene bevause why would i shower if i dont have to, feeling nothing like...nothing at all, unless its anger or hurt and just generally not caring about anything ever. id end it right here and right now if it werent for my family. id take those pills in my drawer and swallow them all, hoping to overdose and die slowly. that seems like the only escape as of right now. obviously, if i could, id give my life to anyone, gladly so, i just dont think thats how it works. 

lately ive also been thinking about drugs. i dont have any near me, and i also live with my parents so it would be very difficult to both sneak them in and use them. im not actually talking about hard drugs like cocaine or whatver. just some fun ones that make you forget for a while. i have experience with weed, and it was great. sometimes i just wanna smoke my ass of so i dont even remember my own name. sometimes i wanna drink to forget as well. i wanna feel the pain waking up the next morning with throbbing headache, i want to feel something. even if its pain. i m just so tired of this eternal nothingness, that seems to get even worse with time. 

its not fun, life isnt fun

d

[imaginesofeverykind]

Come back for me || Peter Parker x Reader ||

Character: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Fandom: MCU/SM:HC

Warnings: Spoilers??? LIke if you haven't seen the movie (will keep posting this warning until it’s out on Blu-Ray) ANGST

Request: YASSSS by my bean @rafeadderall [OMG OK A PETER PARKER IMAGINE, where like the reader knows and supports peter for bein spider-man but maybe it's used against him and she's hurt? Cliché yes but how about the reader like refuses to see peter because she's all scarred and shit and they break up I guess BUT THEN AT THE END ITS ALL CRYING AND MENTAL BREAKDOWNS AND FLUFF BEVAUSE WHO DOESNT LIKE ANGST]

Prompt: You and Peter Parker were anything but ordinary as a couple, you supported him as the web-slinging hero of Queens, however, the tables are turned when you get caught in the cross fire and end up seriously injured.

Tags: @deans-angel-of-thursdays 

Word Count: 1, 657

It had roughly been three months since Y/N found out her boyfriend, Peter Parker, was Spider-Man. At first, she was mad, then she accepted it after a week of not talking to him. He couldn’t blame her at all for it, but he was glad she came to an understanding eventually. 

For three months, Y/N helped Spider-Man gather intel when he asked for it and even went out for recon missions. In the beginning, he was against the idea of getting involved but as soon as she tried to argue that ‘Oliver Queen would be nothing as Green Arrow without Felicity Smoak - and I’m your Felicity Smoak’ he found it hard to reject that statement. 

Currently, Y/N pressed her phone to her ear as she tapped her foot impatiently on the ground. “You got eyes on any of those guys in the pictures I sent you?” Peter’s voice asked, crisp from the microphone Tony Stark had placed inside the Spider-man suit. She peered up ahead, eyeing the exact person he was talking about, she flicked down the shades resting on top of her head and hummed in response. 

Wearing sunglasses always made her feel like a spy of sorts but also helped her remain hidden in plain sight. “Seated centre, the left-hand side toward the front of the ferry and on the top tier.” She informed, slouching in her seat as she tried to remain as civilian like as possible among others on the Staten Island Ferry. 

“Great work, I’m dropping in on your right - thank you.” He stated, she peered out the window seeing if she could spot her boyfriend clad in the red and blue suit, however, didn’t manage to snag a glimpse. “You’re welcome - so I was thinking Chinese for dinner? I know this great place on 178th street, has the best Mongolian beef in Queens.” 

Peter chuckled at her, his heart warming with her words. “Sounds Perfect - all right, I can see the target, but he’s talking to someone are you able to get a closer look?” Y/N nodded with a hum, standing up casually and strolling on past the two men they had eyes on. She pretended to look out the window, lowering her phone from her ear as to not look suspicious.

She walked back to her seat, and brought the phone to her ear once more, “definitely not any of the guys in the picture you sent me... could be a buyer for the weapons - or manufacturer?” Waiting momentarily there was no response, “Peter?” she whispered his name, another beat of silence before he answered, “sorry, I heard them mention a white pickup truck - was sending drony down there... so he’s no one familiar - oh woahwoahwoah - hey, our guy’s on the move.” 

Y/N looked up and saw the guy from the picture up and leave, abandoning the man he was ‘not-so-subtly-but-kinda-subtly’ talking to. “I think we’ve got buyers, sellers and the weapons all in one place Y/N, we could bust these guys for good.” 

“Perfect... So I’ll book a reservation for dinner at six then?” She grins, which made Peter grin and his chest constrict. God, he loved Y/N. And he was so happy she was able to provide a helping hand where necessary, he wouldn’t be able to do it without her. “Dinner at six, fantastic. I love you.” 

She smiled, bringing her lips between her teeth to stop herself from smiling more, “I love you too, go get em’ cowboy.” Peter chuckled, inhaling a deep breath and ending the call with Y/N as he began his attempt to thwart the arms deal occurring at the back of the ferry. 

As soon as he hung up, Y/N wasted no time in planning their dinner as she had promised, eager to have finally put an end to these weapons deals. Once she ended the call she immediately notices the older gentleman who was speaking to their ‘target’ not even five minutes ago get up, gritting his teeth with a snarl on his face.

Watching him walk past she tried to make it subtle that she wasn’t following, “-now where are you going...” she murmured to herself, keeping at a safe distance as not to appear suspicious. Y/N followed him all the way to the bottom tier of the ferry - which all the vehicles were located and Spider-Man was already handling the thugs. 

The man stopped just short of a white van, eyeing the scene in front of him. Whilst Peter was taunting the thugs, he turns and see’s the man staring at him - but it wasn’t that which shocked him, had him frozen in place and his chest constricted. The biggest mistake he made was shouting her name, out of pure shock and terror, “Y/N!” 

The man swivelled in his spot and eyed her, he had no idea the young girl was following him. But clearly - by this short interaction - Spider-Man knew her personally, and he would try his best to exploit that. Y/N was swift on her feet as she quickly side stepped away from him and darted toward Peter. 

“What are you doing, get back upstairs-” Peter instructed only he was cut off by an entire team of undercover FBI agents swarming the back area of the Ferry. “Freeze! FBI!” Instinctively Peter stood in front of Y/N, keeping his arm in front of her as he spoke, “wait - what do you mean FBI?” How did the FBI know of this weapons deal, it perplexed Peter.

He had no time to question why they were here as the sound of metal being ripped apart grabbed his attention. His heart sank, all he had to see for his spirits to fall immediately was the slightest section of the grotesque wings from the relentless vulture figure. 

He tore apart the van and flew at an intimidating speed with one of the high-tech super weapons equipped in his hands. Peter’s eyes widened, “hey - hey, get out of the way - get out of the way!” He beckoned to the agents but it was no use, the vulture had shot a bright purple laser in their direction whilst flying toward them. 

Y/N looked in horror as she had no idea what she got herself in. Peter pushed her out of the way, as well as two other FBI agents to safety. Only, the vulture was quick and agile, swooping over Peter attempting to drop a car on him and yanking Y/N into the air. 

His metal talons pierced her shoulders causing her to cry out in pain, she tried frantically to free herself but it was no use. “No!” Peter screamed out, outstretching his hands and slinging out his webs to try and bring the vulture down, he shot out two webs, launching himself off the ferry and kicking the clad in black thug.

It was enough to stun him momentarily, Peter gripped Y/N by the waist, shooting a web to the back of the ferry and slinging her back to safety, she clutched onto him tightly, a searing pain in her shoulders. “Y/N you gotta get out of here-”

“Look out!” Y/N shoved both of them out of the way as another purple beam headed right toward them. Peter gestured for her to move back as he aimed his web to latch onto the Vultures weapon, “activate taser webs!” Electricity surged up through his web and onto the weapon, which conducted it through the Vulture’s suit. It started to spark and wheeze as it began to fail, he let go of the weapon, letting the tension from Peter’s web hurl it back onto the ferry.

Due to the electrical current from the taser webs, the gun started shooting out short bursts of energy all over the place, panicked, Peter tried his hardest to stop the blasts with a thick coat of webbing. He turned to the vulture, who simply stated, “you’re messing with things you don’t understand,” before flying upward and out.

“Peter.” Y/N squeaked, grasping the hero’s attention. He spun, immediately he paled - not that anyone could see - and his blood went cold. She clutched her stomach, her chest heaved and a pained expression masked her typically happy and carefree face Peter was so used too. “no...no-no-no...”

She stumbled backwards into the wall, Peter darted across to her bringing her hand in his as she slid down the metal surface. Tears pooled in her eyes, pain coursing through almost every part of her body, “Pete...” she whispered, her voice hoarse and her eyes wide, “I-I can’t feel my legs.” coughing, blood spurted from her mouth. 

“Y/N... hey look at me...” Peter’s lip quivered, tears welled in his eyes. “You’re gonna be okay... you’re gonna be fine, we’re gonna go to dinner at that Chinese place on 178th street... and you’re gonna be okay... you’re okay...” Peter rambled, he wasn’t sure who he was trying to reassure, himself or Y/N. She shook in his grip, her hand gripped Peter’s tightly. 

Blood dribbled from her mouth and she looked desperately at Peter, trying to look into his eyes through his mask. Behind him, in among the webs, the high tech weapon hit an unstable pressure, imploding in on itself before bursting an intense purple beam that ripped through the entire main frame of the ferry in half. Y/N brought her hand up to Peter’s cheek, feeling the texture of the mask, “go get em’ cowboy.” she whispered, a smile on her face. 

“I’ll come back for you.” Peter sobbed, letting go of her hand had never been so heartbreaking before. He picked her up carefully, carrying her to the second tier of the ferry before he went off to try and stop the ferry from sinking. 

[thecrimsonkat-blog]

I'm a FUCKING WREAK at the moment...

Ok, so here's the story: My mothers boyfriend (Shannon) has a medium large family, he has no kids himself so his nieces and nephews he treats like his own kids. One in particular is named Angus (the one the story mainly revolves around). And I cant actually write how I feel about him.... wait..... yes I can..... ok, so; my heart pounds harder with each passing minute he's in the room. I feel my mind become clouded and I become clumsy at the mention of his name. I feel like I would protect him from harm if any came to him, he has a slight amger issue but when he gets mad, all i want to do is hug him tightly and remind him to relax, to sum it up, I'M INVESTED. Bonus to add to my grief, he also in hetero amd has a girlfriend. So here comes the issue, my family was having a house warming party and all, and I mean ALL the family was invited, so stuff happened and now its time for people to go, turns out one of my little cousins was staying the night and I was really not in the mood to deal with him. So his family was saying goodbye when I offered to lend him some clothes if he wanted to stay the night, he was offered to stay a night many times before but he turned it down because he was busy or something else got in the way. Do remember, I am FUCKING INVESTED in this guy. I put all the pursuaion I could feel into the question and hoped for the best outcome. And he said yes. BOY WAS I FUCKING HIGH, I FEEL LIKE I COULD'VE DONE A BACKFLIP, SOAR TO THE MOON OR EVEN KISS HIM ON THE SPOT. But I didnt. So me, angus and my brat of a cousin were in the games room playing my consoles, when I decided it was late enough and everyone should go to bed. My cousin took FUCKING 3 HOURS BEFORE HE WENT TO BED. Me and Angus stayed up till 1am trying to get him to sleep, and when we did we went back in the games room amd got ready for bed. I'm not sure about anyone else, but when its really late, I get really personal. So I'm chillin on the two seater with my body pilllow and blanket, unable to get to sleep and he's chillin on the bed diagonal from me, trying to sleep. Neither of us could btw. Here is where it gets good, so we both are tired as fuck, its 1am and he begins asking me questions about my homosexuality. How I realised I was gay, amd stuff like that. Then out of the blue, he asks who my crush is. By this time I was sure he could hear my heart, It was beating so hard against my chest I was sure It would shatter. I wanted to tell him so badly but also didnt, because I have a giant heart and didnt want to ruin our friendship. Amd because I hesitated for so long, he decided to ask me question about who I was crushing on. So, i thought why not, if he figures it out on his own then so be it. He begins asking questions like height, hair colour, age, and eye colour. He then says he has it figured ot out to between 3 people. He says their names and i deny them all. I could feel his confusion or what I thought was confusion. He then asks me more question, like what I would do for that person. For those who dont like MA 15+ stuff, then stop reading. So to sample the questions, mainly because I cant remember all of then because I was sleep deprived, he asked: "If the peraon were to come up to you, and ask if you would have sex with him, would you?" "What would you do if they asked you to do it to them?" "If they asked you to suck their dick, would you?" "What would you do if that person liked you back?" "What would you do if that person didn't have a girlfriend?" So the questions continued for a literal hour, until he says this, "I think I know who it is" Just and add on, earlier that day, him and his uncle, Shannon, were having a conversation about his sexuality and he said exactly this... "If I was gay, I would be hooked up with this fella, *points directly at me and wraps an arm around my neck*" my heart was like FUCKING ON CRACK it was spasing out. So he proceeds to ask me to play hangman, and because its 2:30am by that time, and I was way to lazy to find a pen and paper, we just used my phone, bur it was slightly modified: QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM -------------------------------- This is what the screen looked like, he would type the letters that were in the name below the line and erase the letters that were not. So he goes through the list of letters and not very far in he makes and unusual sound, and thats when I realised he actually knew. He even writes his own name down amd asks me to type 'yes or no' beside it, the screen looked like this when I got my phone back: QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM -------------------------------- A N G U S So, seeing a perfect moment, I be really sarcastic and say "Im not sure your spelling it right, I think you may be missing a few letters" as I proceed to write yes next to it. MEANWHILE MY HEART IS DOING LITERAL BURNOUTS IN MY CHEAT WHILE ON FIRE AT MARTIGRA. I was so fucking high from it, i even began slurring my words from my clouded mind. I hand back the phone and he was so sincerly confused, then he saw what i wrote then it hit him, and i said as it did. He hamds me back my phone and he goes silent for a few seconds, the proceeds to question further about what i would do to him, or as he put it 'the person' if the asked for something. And the one that hurts the most was "would you have sex with them if they asked, even though they had a girlfriend, and if the asked you to keep it a secret, would you?" My mind was fucking running like crazy, I was likeing the way the direction of conversation was going, i was keen to get in his pants. I answered then he goes silent. What felt like twenty minutes later did he speak again. And he changed to conversation about what he did last time a gay guy hit on him, the guy apparently touched him on the arse Angus didn't like it so he turned round and grabbed the guy by the throat and pinned him agains the wall and threatened to really hurt him if he did it again. WHAT THE FUCK DUDE, YOU LITERALLY BEGAN LEADING ME TO YOUR BED THEN TOSSED ME INTO THE GUTTER INSTEAD. I FELT MY HEART CRACK, AND IT FUCKING HURT, I WAS A LITTLE MAD AND DECIDED TO GET HIM BACK LATER FOR DOING THAT TO ME. BUT HE LITERALLY CRUSHED MY HOPES OF US ACTUALLY GETTING TOGETHER, I HAD TO BITE MY LIPS TO STOP MYSELF FROM CRYING. I was so torn up. He toyed with my feelings and I let him, now i feel like he dumped me, without really having dated me. It fucking hurts, and think back to that night, it fuckin hurts. And now, i know it will probably emotionally scar me for the rest of my life. But what makes it worse, about a week earlier I had lost one of my friends that I became invested in, Dom, because he split with his girlfriend, which I think I had already explained earlier, if not here's a recap. She dumped him, she was my friend and knew i like him, he was my friend that i had a crush on, but I would never tell because it would shatter my friendship I had with him. She dumped him and told him I had a crush on him, he reacted badly amd stop talking to me bevause he felt uncomfortable talking to me, even through gaming sites and suck alike. So I was feeling a little abandoned. Now it was like being abandoned again, i flet myself slip away from Angus. So when he slept, i got revenge. Not gonna go into detail about that tho. So thats my life atm, im already wreaked in the head, so this can probably just go on the pile and break me some more...