#but i just had to see if this wasn't the reason i've been in a vague funk all day

[monbons]

Stitchy Sunday Musings

Thanks for the tag @thewholelemon. I also don't really have an update, but I did have a bit of a reflection I wanted to share today that I hope will speak to some of you---and selfishly---also keep me motivated on the days that are hard. So, with that, story time...

Exactly a year ago, I started my doll-stitching journey and the very first set of dolls I ever gifted were mermaids. I was inspired by @iamamythologicalcreature's gorgeous mer-May art.

This first set was entirely hand stitched because I did not have a sewing machine, nor did I think making dolls would become something I actively pursued in any real way. It was just something I did for fun---a way to channel my creative energy when the words wouldn't come while also paying tribute to some of my favorite fics and their authors.

Fast-forward to my newest dolls and the growth is almost unbelievable. You can see aspects of my final style in my very first dolls, but everything about this last set has evolved. This particular set represents just over 24 hours of work (a significant chunk of them on that tail that boasts 600+ hand-sewn sequins). I also experimented with new hair textures and colors, and apparently, I embroider eyebrows now. (As if making the eyes symmetrical wasn't hard enough!)

It may sound like I am boasting. I swear I am not. Instead, I wanted to post this because this is just one year of committing to a thing and working really fucking hard at it. It is also the kind of visible "success" that is so hard to get elsewhere.

When I first started contributing to fandom, it was as a writer. If your primary contribution to fandom is writing, it can be really hard to do a side-by-side comparison like this. As a result, we often rely on measures of growth or success that can be compared: kudos, reblogs, and comments obviously, but also word counts, fics published per year, etc. Honestly? None of those are reliable (and dare I say worthy?) measures of how beautiful a piece of work is, let alone a journey of growth and joy. It isn't to say they don't have their place, but "the numbers" aren't everything...and they can often feel disheartening.

Anyway, I've been feeling really down on myself recently for a whole host of reasons, but a huge contributor is that I've been having so much trouble with writing. For weeks, "the numbers" have haunted me. Not just the public numbers (I've wanted to scream into a pillow about kudos and likes more than once this year), but the private ones (I'm "behind" on words from this same point last year).

And then I took this humble doll offering to a book signing this past week and the author cried tears of joy, which made me cry. Several people in the signing line gasped when they held up my little merman and his love. Several others came up and talked to me about my art and wanted to know more. For the first time in months, I felt really proud of something I had made, and I guess this post is about holding on to that feeling. When I made these dolls, I wasn't trying to meet some external metric or creating for audience consumption. I wasn't even sure I would post my dolls anywhere since this isn't SnowBaz. I was simply making for the joy of it, and that night, which cannot be quantified in likes or comments or numbers of any kind, filled me up in a way I desperately needed.

Anyway, if you are still with me after this long ramble, thank you. Like I said, it was mostly for me. I wanted to remember that the beauty of my work actually can't be measured, no matter how much I try to do so. That I may not always be lucky enough to see the impact on others like I did with these dolls, but that doesn't make the effort any less valuable. And most of all, that none of that is the point. I wanted to make these dolls, I enjoyed making these dolls, and I am getting better at it because making dolls makes me happy. I needed to remember that. And if that was the case for me, I figured someone else might need to remember it too.

It feels weird to tag people in this, but hellos and high-fives from the philosophical doll factory anyway. May your creative endeavors bring you joy today and every day.

@alexalexinii, @argumentativeantitheticalg, @aristocratic-otter, @arthurkko, @artsyunderstudy, @bachusekart, @best--dress, @blackberrysummerblog, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @bookish-bogwitch, @confused-bi-queer, @cutestkilla, @drowninginships, @emeryhall, @facewithoutheart, @harrie-leithillustration, @hushed-chorus, @iamamythologicalcreature, @ic3que3n, @ileadacharmedlife, @katatsumuli, @larkral, @letraspal, @mooncello, @noblecorgi, @orange-peony, @prettygoododds, @raenestee, @rbkzz, @roomwithanopenfire, @run-for-chamo-miles, @rimeswithpurple, @shrekgogurt, @skeedelvee, @stitchyqueer, @supercutedinosaurs, @talentpiper11, @the-beard-of-edward-teach, @twinkle-twinkle-up-above, @theimpossibledemon, @thewholelemon, @wellbelesbian, @whatevertheweather, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold, @jyae23, @j-trow-95

[cavegirlpoems]

OK so, here's the thing. I don't believe that, in the example you've described, there's a meaningful difference between these two situations:

The player isn't sure if there's a village nearby, but the GM has it written in their notes. The GM looks it up, and describes what they previously decided to put there to the players.

The player isn't sure if there's a village nearby, and neither is the GM. The GM comes to a decision, and relays what they just invented to the players.

Assuming that in both cases, there hadn't previously been any mention of the village during the shared act of play, then the end result is the same: the player pokes at an element of the setting, and is informed about what the GM decided for it. When that decision was made - right now, or in last night's prep - doesn't matter. What matters is when it's spoken into reality in front of the other players.

So. What actually matters is when the element of 'the village' is added to the shared imagined space. Did this happen earlier in the session, when the GM said "and just outside the dungeon you're going to, there's this village..." or did it happen just now, when the player said "so I want to send the goblin to attack a nearby village"? It's a question of how much information the players have been given during the act of playing the game.

Like, okay, let's take a counter-example. The GM had prepped a map of the surrounding countryside, and it didn't have a village in it. But, when the player wants to have their new goblin go there, and the GM thinks that's actually a fun idea, so they go back and retroactively add a new village to their map. Again, the presence or absence of that village remained undetermined until it got made real in play. And, because 'there is a village' is now real in the game, we can see that the prep saying there wasn't is superceded effortlessly by actual gameplay.

The electron is passing through both slots, until you observe it, and then the wave function collapses and its position is defined. The village both exists and doesn't exist until it's spoken into existance and the wave-function collapses and its position is defined.

Now, there are practical reasons why you might want to prep things ahead of time. It helps you be consistent, it lets you balance fair challenges more easily, it reduces cognitive load in play. Sure. That activity is a tool; it's a supplement to the act of play to make the act of play go better. There are practical reasons to prefer a low-or-no-prep game too.

The work of a really well-prepared GM who's really good at running a pre-planned game will be largely indistinguishable from the work of a really good 0-prep GM who has instead learned to build the game on the fly.

Realistically, there are practical benefits to high prep and low prep games. However, the accepted default is an extremely high-prep approach, and that high-prep approach often leads to negative outcomes (see the infamous 'It's What My Character Would Do' situation where a player's pre-written image of who their PC is means they feel forced to take undesirable in-game actions, because the paratext of prep-work is being allowed to overtake the text of gameplay). That's what I'm pushing back against, right?

I'm taking a deliberately extreme, even hyperbolic, position for the sake of argument here. I'm advocating for 0 prep games not because I think all games must be 0 prep at all times, but because I want to normalise 0 prep games, and know that they can be good, functional games. Perhaps I overstated my case because I prefer to make the most hard-line version of an argument and see how it shakes out. A more measured way of phrasing it would be: You don't need to do any homework, ever. Like you can, if you want to, if you find it rewarding. But it's not something you must do, it's something you can choose to do depending on taste.

Like I've shown up to the game club, gone 'what do we want to play tonight', and then FKR'd my way through an improvised plot, and it *works*. No part of the game existed until Alex said "I wanna play a bank robbery", and off we went. Zero prep, not even reading a rulebook. Not even *having* a rulebook.

I like writing short fiction about what my PCs get up to off-screen. It's a fun writing exercise that helps me get in the character's head. And it's, effectively, homework. But that writing isn't necessary for the game to function. When I run games, I often enjoy drawing maps and organisation charts and timelines, because thinking about the game when I'm not currently playing it is fun. But that's not necessary for me to run the game, even if sometimes it conveniently helps.

Like, the thing is, my point is kind of the opposite of 'it's all just made up, who cares'. It's not all just equally made up; there are different types of made up, with meaningful distinctions between them. That's what I'm interested in dissecting, right? The way different levels of engagement in this fiction intersect, and which takes priority over which. Like any media analysis, you apply different frameworks and get different results, and currently I'm leaning hard into "what happens in game sessions takes priority over everything else" as a way of thinking about them. This isn't a value judgement about how you should run games, its an analitical framework you can use to understand games. Right?

writing intricate backstories is the playerside equivallent of the gm prep burden

[trainsandkitties]

TW: Suicide/Self-Harm/Addiction

July 18th 1974

"I haven't written in a while. My arm healed up somewhat, at least I thought it did. But James has gotten worse only a day after my last entry. Their fever spiked really high and we weren't sure which medications we could give them. It got to the point where they began hallucinating. For some reason I started feeling guilt. Maybe because I have taken anti-infammatory pills for my arm and the stash became scarse. Maybe because I felt like I needed to know what to do. I'm not sure what urged me to slip across the wall and run. My hike lasted a good while, because the sun began setting when I was forced to stop. I wasn't really aware of my surroundings so I slipped and sprained my ankle. Only when I was in the grass I noticed my arm was in pain and I was burning up as well. I started accepting the fact that I'd perish before I'd be found by our people, when I noticed what looked like a spear pointed directly at the lense in my mask. I was found, but not by anyone from the commune. It was that lurker that made it impossible for me to sleep. Before I could say anything that bastard knocked me out with a hard object. A metal bottle maybe? I woke up hours later in the lurker's hideout. I fully expected to have missing kidneys and valuables, but to my surprise, they were all there. I was patched up, actually. Fresh bandages on my arm, my head and a wet rag across my forehead to calm the fever down. I didn't really believe salvation had arrived yet, since I could have just been taken as a hostage. Dear this is going to be a long entry. The sun started rising when my captor showed up, hands filled with canned food and water bottles. For a good while I believed my fever made me hallucinate just like James. I must have started seeing ghosts, because I was looking at Gordon. We all believed he died a year ago. However we were either facing a zombie invasion or he managed to survive. The following hours were extremely awkward. Neither one of us spoke much. We simply shared the pathetic meal of canned beans warmed up over the coal stove and shared very simple explanations of how we've been. I had a lot of shame in me. The things I've done since the blast, I'm not proud of still haunt me. Even now when we're both in the commune once more. Gordon wasn't percise in recounting his story either. All I learned is that he got blinded by the blast, clawed at his face until he could somewhat see and scream, was found and treated by Victor and once he and Kevin died in winter, he began hiking around, just trying to survive. I couldn't help but mention the hoofprints we found and I was told he found a horse. The mare was very much alive and healthy somehow, so she's been helping him get his stuff around with a carriage. Once I got better, she was the one to get us to the commune. I was in the car, forbidden to even move my leg. During our way back I've gotten the feeling things were at least somewhat like before. The conversations became less forced, we even joked a little. I was mortified when Gordon showed me his prosthetic legs, but after he joked they make good projectile weapons, I felt a little bit better. Two fingers on his left hand were missing too, but he snapped at me when I asked. I noticed he was taking swigs from a bottle that reeked of alcohol as well. I was disappointed for a while, but then understood, returning to addiction is something anyone would do in such a situation. And I couldn't really scold him for bad attitude either. I wasn't as nice myself. People were quite shocked when we returned, obviously. Quite suspicious too. But when Gordon helped them find medication for James, they grew to trust him. Even if it was just a little. They don't trust me much anymore either, after running away like that. We're both outcasts. Maybe we'll get closer on those grounds. The distance he's keeping me at is killing me."

[terubakudan]

DIR EN GREY WHO IS THIS HELL FOR @Zepp Taipei 2025/05/10 Concert

How do I even begin xD

I'm a person who rarely goes out of the house except for working, shopping and chores that need to be done. So for me to go out for leisure, there would have to be some sort of really interesting thing/activity to convince me to get out of the house.

And this time being a damn good reason is an understatement.

I've always dreamt of seeing DIR EN GREY live, so the moment they announced last year in December that they were touring in Taiwan again (after 9 years!), I was SHOOK and thought that no way I'm going to miss this chance. An actual chance to see them is more important than any other activity for me that day (say hypothetically I had a work-related thing, I would take a leave just for that, anything for Diru _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):).

I was able to buy their A ticket, which was around the mosh pit area, A ticket included a randomized member postcard and bookmark. I originally wanted to get a S ticket (which included more goodies and a Meet&Greet) but ahhhh even when I logged in the moment ticket sales started I wasn't fast enough to snag one QQ The ticket system kind of crashed(?) due to the multiple requests for tickets. My brother says though it could have been some people using bots to snag the tickets :(

Nevertheless I'm still very happy to be even able to get to see them, it was really a dream come true.

On the day of the concert, I hopped on the HSR (High Speed Rail) to Taipei!

Believe me the thing that worried me most at that time was whether the concert would be cancelled due to the weather xD It rained super hard that morning and I wondered if this was a sign of Diru making one hell of an entrance xD

My original plan was just to see Diru and go home the next morning, but it so happens that there was a JOJO-related convention on that day! As is very obvious on this blog, I'm a Grade-S Weeb xD But I'll share that experience in a separate post.

Looking for food while listening to Child Prey hits different xD

After lunch and the convention, I went to drop off my luggage at the WonderTime2- Ladies' Inn near Taipei Main Station, and it's a quaint and cozy one! It's for girls only though and if you're looking for decent yet affordable lodging this is an option.

I then took the Metro to Zepp Taipei, and just like the time I went to see the GazettE's MASS Final concert back in July 2023, I only needed to follow the fellow Diru believers dressed in black xD

Zepp Taipei is located inside the Honhui Plaza on the 8th Floor.

Me and the fellow concertgoers went to fall in line at the elevator, and there was this awkward silence and us looking at each other and probably thinking "ah yes you here too to see Diru?? Hm hm same same" and then we quietly packed ourselves in the elevator.

Once we all got to the 8th floor, we went to Zepp Taipei (just past the cinema) and fell in line according to Ticket type (S Ticket and A Ticket holders got to go in first).

Once we got inside, I found myself around the back of the shimote side of the mosh pit in Zone A, and for the first time in my life I genuinely cursed my Hobbit height xDD I'm fun-size in a way that I could only see half the bodies of the band and Kyo fully provided he's standing/crouching on his crate.

Pre-show music included the unplugged/symphonic versions of Diru songs, like Different Sense, Agitated Screams of Maggots, Inconvenient Ideal etc.

Then the show started a little past 7PM, the lights dimmed and my heart was pumping!! I was about to see one of my favorite bands ever, it was very difficult to calm down xD

The members came on stage, starting with Shinya, then followed by Toshiya, Die, Kaoru, and lastly Kyo. By this point I thought I was dreaming, to really see them in the flesh is something else.

As mentioned in this post, the members' outfits were all on point, I swore that Toshiya's outfit looked like part of a carpet though xD He even had the fancy long sleeves that you see in Hanfu.

The setlist was as follows:

Ningen wo Kaburu

The Devil in Me

DRAIN AWAY

13

Magayasou

The Perfume of Sins

Oboro

VINUSHKA

Kasumi

audience KILLER LOOP

OBSCURE

Ochita Koto no Aru Sora

Eddie

Encore

G.D.S.

CHILD PREY

THE IIID EMPIRE

Uroko

Utafumi

I was able to name every song except for the ones from Phalaris xD I don't have an excellent memory like other people but I'll try my best to recount my experience during the songs. during the whole concert I was literally losing my shit

We started with Ningen wo Kaburu after the members came out during the "holy shit that's hype" SE, great opener to a concert if you ask me. It was then followed by their more recent song The Devil in Me.

Then DRAIN AWAY started, and the crowd was already quite warmed up by this point. DRAIN AWAY has the especially nostalgic sounding opening riff and drum beat and you could really feel how happy the crowd was.

The setlist then went heavier again with 13, Magayasou, and The Perfume of Sins. Shinya was the star during The Perfume of Sins, he made our hearts pound with his drumming! I should mention that the bass and drums during this concert was especially lovely, you could feel the bass vibrations and drumbeats against your throat and chest, maybe it's also because I was in the mosh pit this time around so it "felt" especially prominent. xD

Then Oboro followed, and my god, Kyo really sang his heart out. It was so emotional, and we were all in awe. It made us all quiet in a good way.

And then all hell broke loose in VINUSHKA. The crowd went wild and this is also when I didn't give a care and just headbanged like crazy xD Prior to that I was headbanging but in a "here and there" kind of way and just watching the show. The MVP crowd definitely goes to the Japanese fans beside me though! Their own energy was able to rival Kyo's and throughout the entire show they were headbanging and pumping fists in the air and singing like no tomorrow. At several points of the show the Japanese fans were shouting so loud that another fan gave them the look like "bruh, I'm trying to enjoy a concert here". xD

Shoutout to the guy too who went "SHINNNNYAAAAAAAAAAAAA-SAN!!!!!!!!!!" xD

As if to relax ourselves after VINUSHKA, the band played the ever lovely Kasumi. The mellowness was short-lived though since they resumed with audience KILLER LOOP, and it was during this point that I thought that Kaoru looked at me. ∑(O_O;) He could have been just looking at the people in Zone B, but wow his gaze was so piercing in person I think my heart stopped for a moment. (ノ*°▽°*)

And then all hell broke loose again with OBSCURE, now normally I don't like this song but I really enjoyed this song live! Couldn't resist headbanging like crazy again. And then Toshiya gave us all a show...

...what are you thinking not a striptease no something close to that though. He pounced to the edge of the shimote side and proceeded to make love to his bass right then and there xD

The band continued the tension with Ochita Koto no Aru Sora, and closed the main show with Eddie. At this point it was only around 8PM, and of course we all begged them to come back for an encore as they each walked off the stage!

Also Toshiya finally decided to striptease...

...his bass, get your head out of the gutter. It was funny because he went off the stage from the center and then a moment later Staff-san picked up his bass and I realized what happened. xD

We clapped and shouted "encore encore encore" for about 10 minutes before G.D.S. started and they all did the walk again. And then CHILD PREY started and all hell broke loose for the third time that night xD CHILD PREY is especially fun live. It's really good for hyping up the crowd if you ask me. :D And then the electrifying energy continued with THE IIID EMPIRE, which is also extremely fun live.

Then they fucking did Uroko (I was so happy!!), and then Kyo started egging and hyping us up and we were all like "yeah!", "yeah!", "yeah!", and then he said "Last song!" and we were like "no!" xDDD

They ended the show with Utafumi, and we all headbanged and sang our hearts out since it was the last song.

They had an instrumental version of Jealous-reverse- playing during the end of the show and I don't think I was the only one who got emotional QQ The members each gave us their farewells, Shinya left first followed by Kyo, and I was debating whether to take pictures at this point but decided not to out of respect for the band.

I should mention though that before Kyo left, he gave us the warmest smile, the kind of smile that could light up the galaxy if the sun gave out. 😭

Then Kaoru, Toshiya and Die were the ones left on stage and proceeded to baptize the crowd, they threw picks and bottles for us to catch!! Toshiya had such a good arm that three bottles made it to the second floor xD Kaoru gave us all The Look™ before throwing his bottles and picks to the crowd, and had one of his bottles been just a teensy bit farther I swore it could have been mine. ( ╥ω╥ ) Die was the last one to wave and say farewell to us, and he looked so happy! He could tell that we were able to match their energy for this concert and that Taipei gave them a very warm welcome. The concert ended around 8:45PM and believe me when I tell you none of us wanted to go home. xD

We then proceeded to exit the venue after making sure there weren't any "post-credits scenes" like new album announcement, secret encore, etc.

I went outside to bask in the post-concert afterglow and made a beeline for the merch stand xD

Afterwards I decided to head back to the hotel but not before stopping by a store on the 1st floor, I was wondering why there were a few concertgoers gathered around and then I realized the amp from the store was playing Diru songs! It was Sajou no Uta, and then it was followed by raison detre. But it was getting late, so I decided to call it a night.

To end my night I took the metro back, and saw a very cute passerby who looked like [REDACTED] from 14 Days With You xD He was tall, slender but not bone-thin, had dyed pink tips on black hair, and a lovely sense of goth fashion. I internally squeed xD Quite possibly the hottest passerby I've seen so far...

....unless I see Toshiya, Toshiya is so hot it should be illegal.

I digress. xD

To close this post, I just want to say that I truly had so much fun at the concert and this day will be one of the happiest days of my life, and eventually a memory that I will cherish dearly even when I'm doing tai chi exercises at public parks.

Thank you so much Kyo, Kaoru, Die, Toshiya, Shinya for coming to Taiwan and giving us all a wonderful performance!!! I wish you all the best and if ever you guys come to Taiwan again, we'll be more than happy to welcome you.

[lostmotivation2draw]

1st Semifinal ✨Opinions✨

So yesterday was Eurovision's first semifinal and I just wanted to give my opinions on it

For starters the big 5 did amazing. I don't really like Spain's song but the staging was really good. Italy was AMAZING like I know they've sent better things but I love how the put subtitles so people understood the meaning of the song and THE HARMONICA?? LIVE??? Like he played it LIVE I'm dying. And Switzerland was so good, I like the song and Zöe really defended it well live, I do feel bad because of the camera malfunction but that's not really a problem if the final goes well so yeah, fingers crossed.

✨Opinions about each country's performance✨

• Iceland!? Hello!? The level up they had from the National!? I love this song so much and I was worried that the staging could be way too simple or way too overboard (You never know with Eurovision) but no they did AMAZING

• Poland was something. To be honest I only watched half of the performance because of personal reasons I wasn't able to see all of it and I'll just take advantage of that and wait to be surprised this Saturday. So yeah no review for you yet :D

• Slovenia did amazing, I'm not really a fan of ballads but Klemen does it so well this is one of my favorite songs this year. I am glad they kept the weird upside down part, do I know why it's there? The symbolism? Hell no I just find it cool and I don't need more reasons

• Estonia was good, I like the little gag with the stage invader thing, that was funny. Kind of disappointed by Tommy Cash's vocals but luckily this song doesn't really need them so it's totally fine.

• Ukraine actually did better than I expected in the best way possible. I do like the song a lot but the rehearsal photos didn't give me a really good vibe BUT BOY WAS I WRONG! I loved this from start to finish, the whole performance felt like a fever dream and I'm here for it

• SWEDEN YES MY WINNERS KAJ YOU'RE AMAZING I'VE HAD THIS SONG ON REPEAT SINCE IT CAME OUT. Now getting serious I'm glad the kept the staging almost the same as in the NF, don't fix what's perfect. I love you Mäns Zermerlöw but this guys NEEDED to go for Sweden

• Portugal did good, the song is nice and somehow when I saw their performance I felt like I knew this guys my whole life. Like I almost cry when the audience cheered in the middle of the song and I saw the way the singer's face lit up, like, I want to hug the whole of NAPA just let meee

• Norway was great as expected, Kyle Alessandro is a legend, he's iconic and I'm totally not biased in the fact that he's Spanish nono. But yeah it wasn't revolutionary, there was fire and usual Eurovision stuff (Because lighter duh) but overall I liked it.

• Belgium was another that did better than I was expecting. Mostly cause I thought I would fucking get epilepsy for life when I saw it but that's not the point. Red Sebastian really defended the song and the choreo was cool. I would say the only thing I didn't really like about it was THE RED. Like I know you're RED SEBASTIAN and that's like your thing but my eyes dude. Apart from that really good.

• Azerbaijan wasn't bad. I expected it kinda, again I like the song but the staging was sure something. To be honest my full attention was on the dancers cause tf were they doing. The song itself, good, the staging, weird.

• San Marino had me worried to be honest. I know they aren't exactly the richest country in the world but damn I don't know a couple dancers would have been cool. But yeah happy cheery lighthearted performance that'll get people dancing and representing a culture, that's what Eurovision's about.

• Albania was amazing. The color scheme, the vocals, everything. It was perfect Albania learned from last year I was worried they would do a weird English revamp of the song but NO and I applaud them for that

• Netherlands was the typical Eurovision song performance and song wise. Not mad about it though, what works works and it did for them so that's good

• Croatia's song is SO UNDERRATED in my opinion, I loved the vibe, I loved the song and I loved everything. But yeah I guess people had enough of half creepy half cute stuff with Ireland last year

• Cyprus was INCREDIBLE. The staging? 10/10, Theo Evan? 10/10, song? 10/10. Loved it start no finish. I was worried for the staging because Cyprus the last years has been really simple BUT THEY WON WITH THIS IT'S SO GOOD

✨ Interval opinions✨

I'll talk about the opening and ending too but yeah

The opening was nice, I don't have a lot to say about it something you would expect from Eurovision. It was cool but not something you would remember for years.

THE INTERVAL. It's was GREAT, I'm not joking when I say that I was watching this with my family and I said "omg they're trying to pull a Petra Mëde" AND FREAKING PETRA MËDE APPEARS A MINUTE AFTER. YES. QUEEN. I LOVE YOU. COME BACK EVERY YEAR. Apart from that cool interval, it was fun and silly. I like fun and silly

The ending was something to even take seriously? I knew he was going to appear at some point BUT DUDE. My boy was not the first to win IN THE MILLENNIUM for you to only place him in the stage BY HIMSELF AT THE VERY END. I feel like that was kinda rude from their part

✨Results opinion✨

I LOST A FREAKING EURO

GUESS WHO I VOTED FOR

THAT'S RIGHT

CYPRUS

I'm cryiiiiiiing

Anyways I actually like the new way of saying the finalists from an audience pov. I do think it's way too stressful for the artists but for casual viewers for example is much more easier to recognize people if you see them three times, you know what I mean?

Apart from that I like the choice of songs that went through, except for Poland not because it's a bad song and the singer has a really powerful voice it's just not my thing

THEO EVAN YOU ARE A FINALIST IN MY HEART

ALSO I ALMOST CRIED WHEN PORTUGAL WENT THROUGH

NAPA IS MY FAMILY NOW

THEY JUST LOOK LIKE GUYS WHO WOULD GIVE YOU CANDY IF THEY SAW YOU SAD 😭

PLEASE ADOPT ME I'M SPANISH I CAN UNDERSTAND PORTUGUESE TO SOME DEGREE

Also tf was the reaction from Ukraine to being in the finals? I don't know if it was a joke, if his soul left his body or if he didn't want to go. I just know that it has meme potential

Anyways those were my ✨opinions✨ for the first semi.

See you for the second semi!!

[dancing-dawn]

for the character ask game: Akutagawa, since you already got an Atsushi ask~

*turns around, fluttering eyelashes*

Oh, me? Oh, no, I definitely wasn't just waiting for that name to appear in my inbox, why would you even think that, it's not like the character attached to it has already been running through my head all day every day every moment of my joyous life every fragment of my time on this earth it's not like I had this questionnaire already half prepar-

Favourite thing

Oh. This man. This man has THE MOST compelling character development in the whole series. Possibly even out of all media I've ever consumed. It is impossible to put this little fella in a box. He's Rashomoning his way out of the boundaries of any coming-from-a-13-year-old mentally deficient take on his character that tries to paint him in solid blocks of black and white. Nu-uh, my man here is a whole rainbow (also very gay but that's beside the point), he has so many nuances and flavors he might as well be a 10-course 5 Michelin star meal. He has single handedly broken EVERY SINGLE stereotype for an antagonist and even recently turned co-protagonist.

He is a marvel; he has the heart of an angel and the soul of a devil; he is flawed; he has so many damn issues; he is so fucking hot; also kinda funny ngl; he is a born protector, nourished as a murderer; he is the heartless cur with a heart on fire, burning with the the desire to live, to love, to feel, yet he CANNOT because this wretched world of pain and death and senseless duty is his damnation and you are damn right he is going to crawl his way out of this living hell, find his purpose and make this right.

Least favourite thing

Non-existent. Next question. :D

Favourite Line

“And then… And then.”

listen lisTen LIsteN i DO NOT care this is an internal thought and not spoken dialogue, okay? good. gooood good good. lemme explain myself as eloquently as i can without going insane (i am already insane ty)

This is a turning point for his whole character arc and the new beginning he so desperately needed to go on living. It is the moment of revelation, of clarity, of finding his purpose, escaping the clutches of his false deity, of reaching the light - giving into it, surrendering all of himself, wholly and truly. It is a moment of transcendence, of gazing upon the soul of his rival and seeing nothing but his own fractured reflection, of embracing all of his vices and virtues and giving them a new meaning, a new life, purpose, reason. It is acceptance and understanding and it is everything it was meant to be from the very beginning. He was meant to grow, he was meant to find love, he was meant to not only survive but to thrive, flourish. 

He was born with the most kind and gentle and caring heart, only for it to be ripped from his clutches, shattered across the corpses of his family and buried into the ground where he too belonged. But he never gave into his wretched fate, never listened to the voices, never stopped trying and trying over and over. No. He hung onto the thinnest sliver of hope for existence, seeking something that truly matters. And look just where he found it…

brOTP

Oh, I have so many here, I don’t even know where to start. So many possibilities for wholesome platonic dynamics.  

Aku & Gin - they sooooo need to interact more in canon, I love love love tragic siblings to my bones.

Beast!Aku & Kenji - I���ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Farmer Aku = Best Aku. Their unlikely friendship is my favourite part of Beast and you know that monologue about the world in halves, yea, that always makes me cry.

Aku & Tachihara - I got this idea from a fanfic (waiting room btw, i can never recommend this one enough) and I’m still not over it. I believe they would make for a fun duo in canon too, given the right opportunity. I sense a lot of fun brotherly protective shenanigans if Tachigin comes into the picture too tehee.

Aku & Chuuya - Chuuya is the best thing to happen to Aku in the Mafia, so that one’s pretty self explanatory. I imagine Chuuya as being very supportive and understanding, which would soothe the wound left by Dazai - for both of them, actually.

OTP

MMMMmmmmmm yea I can’t really make the same joke twice, gets old, gotta think of a new one, ahem…

A boy with righteous soul,

with the most heroic goal -

to bring the world to light,

meets the deadliest of plight.

A soul with no compassion,

in a savage, brutal fashion.

With destiny of bone and blood,

to wither, crawl into the mud.

Until he found a strength reborn,

in this world dark, forlorn.

In the eyes of fated partner

who turned to fallen martyr.

He cried out, born of fire,

with a need so raw and dire,

to reverse the flow of time,

and return that which was mine.

He swore to take him back,

for the boy became his heart,

his hope and reason, fate,

to survive another day.

Until their destined meeting,

in a world lone and fleeting.

Where he needn’t fight alone,

as he found his mirrored soul.

…ye, it’s sskk, big surprise here <3 (yes i wrote that in an hour literally only for the sole purpose of not repeating the jest from the Atsushi one yes)

nOTP

Okay after spilling my heart out in every possible shape and form of poetic ramblings about what I love, it’s a bit hard for me to discuss that which I do not. But it’s Akuhigu, of course, simple as that. It’s not even because “oh it gets into the way of sskk bla bla bla,” no - it’s just genuinely plainly unhealthy as it is even on its own. I feel bad for Higuchi (even tho I accept her role as a character as a reference to irl!Akutagawa’s work) and I’m always going to pray that someday she gets the spotlight she deserves, preferably aside from being a manifestation of Akutagawa’s shadow.

Random headcanon

He has the biggest collection of expensive tea and is soooo judging Atsushi for drinking the cheap supermarket stuff and daring to call that muddied water tea. He also has regular ‘tea dates’ with Gin where they chill with a book and a cup in hand and argue on their favourite flavors.

Unpopular opinion

*cough* bottom aku *cough cough cough* if u know me, u know *faints dramatically to reinforce my statement*

Song I associate with them

Ye, you can blame @gothicmatter again for this one - absolutely and definitely and certainly “Sacrifice” by London After Midnight. I have this shit ingrained in my brain and it is not etching itself out anytime soon. I still listen to it at least once every few days.

Especially the verse…

Darkness is all I want to see

I could never put in to words

What it is you mean to me

is spinning in my head like the Cosmo Clock at all times.

Favourite picture

Oh. Oh, this is where we get um,, how do I say it… a bit unhinged.

HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE MAN’S THIGHS OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIM FFS HOW DARE HE I CANNOT EVEN TAKE HIM DYING SERIOUSLY WITH THIS LITTLE CUNTY SLICK TO HIS BODY OUTFIT. BRO, ATSUSHI, MY MAN, IF YOU WILL NOT, THEN I WILL.

EXCUSE ME UMM WHO DO YOU THINK GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO LOOK LIKE THIS WHILE GETTING STABBED MY DUDE I AM TRYING MY HARDEST TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE PLOT HERE YOU CANNOT JUST PULL THAT FACE WITH BLOOD SMEARED ACROSS YOUR CHEEK AND LIPS AND TEETH AND EXPECT ME NOT TO BO-

[allofmytoxicity]

Lauren

a/n: less depressing this time! I promise I'm not completely insane. I also know I've messed around with the timeline slightly, but hey, I don't care, people mess around with timelines a whole lot. I'm proud I've done this.

bradley bradshaw x childhood best friend!fem!reader

Summary: For years, Bradley Bradshaw had been your best friend; a safe space. So when Seresin makes you have a slip of the tongue, how do you repair your friendship?

Word Count: 2.4k

TW: SET BEFORE TOP GUN: MAVERICK!!!!! Jake being a dick, lots of crying, drinking (if that can even be counted as a tw?), some fluffy moments mixed in with loads of sad.

My god had you fucked up.

You hadn't even realised it until you'd let the words slip, but you'd said it. You had admitted that you loved Bradley Bradshaw; best friend and the whole reason you were still living in San Diego.

Originally, when you both left high school, you thought about just going straight to college somewhere else across the US with Bradley, maybe even venturing across the pond somewhere. You two had always planned on going to college together and with Carole dying not long before, you were jet set on making the plan happen.

That was though, until Bradley got accepted in the University of Virginia, allowing him to still be enlisted as well as get through college.

You, throughout all of that, had gotten an acceptance letter to UC San Diego - right where you and Bradley had both wanted to end up anyway in the end. You desperately didn't want to give the opportunity up to go do your dream course at a university that you wanted to go to and Bradley didn't dispute that.

So, the plan was set; keep the friendship long distance, meet up during holidays and then meet up there once you'd both finished your uni courses. It was perfect.

The plan was working perfectly until Bradley's papers got pulled.

You still remember it clear as day in your head. Just getting off your shift from the newly opened bar called 'The Hard Deck' that all the locals at the navy base went to, you'd gotten a call from Bradley.

Thinking it was just a normal catch up call from whatever he was doing on the east coast. you accepted the call, thinking nothing of it. You were proved wrong seconds into the call though, with Bradley eerily quiet down the phone.

When you asked him about his day, that was when a switch flipped in him. He wasn't just mad, but he also wasn't just sad as he ranted down the phone at you about how Maverick pulled his papers from applying to Top Gun.

Top Gun.

The institution every naval pilot wanted to get into, a handful of candidates picked every year to complete the training.

Maverick had pulled Bradley's papers from being able to get into Top Gun and you couldn't him. Maverick had always been lovely to you when you saw him come into the bar and was Bradley's surrogate father.

You couldn't see why on earth he had done what he had. He had no reason nor business to pull Bradley's papers, so why had he done it?

That you never really did find out, but it was definitely a deal he didn't deserve.

Ignoring that, over the next two years, you put your own career on hold and helped Bradley rebuild his. From talking to other pilots to using those same pilots to help get Bradley promotions and finally a way into Top Gun.

That was when the feelings started.

When Bradley arrived in San Diego he was different. Yes, you knew he had changed over the last few years because of navy work, but you didn't realise just how much.

He'd gotten fitter, faster and managed to grow some facial hair. It was almost as if he was a different man - which, when compared to the boy you knew in high school, he was very different.

You didn't realise how much you loved him until Penny confronted you about it during your shift when you'd blushed at yet another stupid pun he had made.

And that was when you'd realised; you were in fucking love with him.

You'd pushed it down for years, hiding laughs in coughs and moving your hair to hide any warmth that spread across your face when he made that goofy smile at you. The hardest part of that thought, was seeing him on dates with other girls. Whether it be at the bar or at home (you two had decided to move in together to make it easier on the both of you for paying bills), you couldn't miss it when Bradley brought a date home. Yet you still moved on with your life.

So after all those years, you'd realised Bradley Bradshaw was the best thing you never knew you had and you'd possibly fucked it all up in one move.

And it was all because of fucking Jake Seresin.

Tonight, all the naval pilots at Top Gun had decided to come to the hard deck, for yet another darts tournament that both you and Penny had bets on Seresin to win.

Everything was going to plan; the pilots got there, got their drinks and started the tournament as you and Penny served the other customers. It was fine, but that was until the man himself, Jake Seresin came up to the bar just as you were staring at Bradley making his shot at the darts board.

It took you a moment to notice Jake to even begin with, taking his beer bottle back from where it was placed on the bar, grabbing another one.

"Tell me this y/n, why do you keep staring at Bradshaw?" Jake asks, placing his forearms on the bar as you passed him the now uncapped beer.

Flicking your head to stare straight at him, your eyes widened. How could you have been so stupid? Of course, yes, you'd passed glances at Bradley throughout the number of evenings the pilots stopped by the bar, but you didn't realised how bad it was. You'd been staring for Christ's sake!

"Because I'm watching him throw darts." You retort back at the pilot standing in front of you as you tried to busy yourself doing other things around the bar.

"That doesn't exactly seem right though, does it sweetheart?" Jake says, moving with you around the bar as you kept yourself busy.

Glaring at him, it took everything in you not to slap Jake silly at him calling out your actions, but you refused to say anything, trying to keep your dignity. You had a masters degree for fucks sake! You shouldn't be here trying to not slap a pilot while you worked on cleaning down a bar.

"Well it's the truth, Seresin." You grumble, glare still holding strong.

"You're in love with him aren't you?" Jake says, smirking, clearly catching onto your lies.

"No I'm not." You state, closing your eyes for a moment, trying to shove every opposing thought to that to the back of your mind.

"Yes you are, and I know it." Jake says, smirk more prominent now as he managed to rile you up more with each word.

"No, I'm not Seresin, now get over it and go back to your friends." You say, slapping the cloth down onto the bar, getting sick of his bullshit.

"Oh come on y/n! Just admit you love him!" Jake says and that was the last straw for you. You were sick and tired of Jake Seresin bullshitting you, so you blew up just to get him to leave you alone.

"Fine! I love him! I love Bradley Bradshaw! Is that good enough for you Seresin!" You yell, silencing the whole bar and scaring Jake in to complete and utter silence; even scaring his as so then he shrinks back into himself slightly.

You look around at the silenced bar, no one daring to move or utter a single syllable to get The Hard Deck's buzz back again.

"What?" You hear from your left and when you look around, you see Bradley standing there, beer in one hand, dart in the other.

Looking up at the decorated ceiling for a moment, you squeeze your eyes shut, internally hating yourself for what you'd just let slip.

When you open your eyes again, you see Penny at your side, giving Jake a withering look before ringing the bell, clearly seeing the what he had done as disrespecting a lady.

Cheers erupt from around the bar as people realise the Jake was buying them all a round and it was the perfect distraction that allowed you to escape the now overwhelming bar.

So, here you were, slipping into the women's bathroom, thinking over just how badly you had fucked up by yelling that across the bar.

Looking yourself over in the mirror, you start by wiping your eyes, drying them of any tears that threatened to let slip how long you'd held that secret before smoothing down your clothes.

Taking a deep breath as you do so, it hitches part way through it's escape from your mouth as you see and hear the bathroom door open.

You begin to tell the person to go away but it's only when you notice Bradley walk through the door, locking it behind him do you really see the immensity of what you'd said.

Bradley still had a stunned look on his face from moments ago, and from the look of the slightly bruised knuckle, he'd probably punched Jake as well before he'd gotten there.

"Bradley..." You whisper, tears starting to sting your eyes as you spoke.

"Why... what..." Bradley says, stumbling over his words as he tries to think of what to say.

"I didn't think it would come out like that - I, I didn't want it to!" You argue, but with no fire from the other side to fight.

"I guessed so." Bradley says, nodding his head as he scratches the back of your neck.

"I was thinking this over the other day, I used to drive you home Bradley. We were kids when we first knew each other. I put my career on hold to-" You ramble, trying to look anywhere but the man standing in front of you, only to be cut off by him part way through.

"You did what?" Bradley says, making you look at him once again from where you were leaning against the sinks.

"I didn't get my teaching degree. I nearly did, but I dropped out when you called me about your papers. I know... I dropped the ball." You whisper in the silent bathroom.

"Y/n you wanted to become a teacher, why did you do that?" Bradley asks, taking a step forward towards you.

"You were a flight risk. I knew if I didn't do anything you'd've gone and done something stupid. You needed my attention more." You admit, shrugging your shoulders during your explanation. "You drove me crazy thought Bradley and I didn't realise I loved you till I was head over heels in it."

That was when the tears managed to overpower your willpower, rolling down your cheeks as you tried to contain your sobs.

Bradley had no idea what to do; seeing his childhood best friend cry after so many years of staying strong for him. He moved though, moving to do the one thing he knew that you would appreciate in that moment.

Bradley's bear hugs over the years had always been the one thing you could rely on that would comfort you, so that was what he did. Hug you.

The weight of his strong arms wrapping around young as you cried into his chest comforted you, easing some of the worries that you'd completely fucked up the relationship.

"I don't deserve you." You tearily say after a few minutes, head still pressed against Bradley's torso.

"You do y/n/n. You so do. Do you remember the time you walked into the house crying from your period cramps and I was sat on the couch, candles lit and drinking." Bradley whispered to you, stroking your hair down.

Leaning back and nodding at the statement, Bradley continued with his story. "Well... I'd set that out for you. I was going to ask you out that night, but you came home crying and in pain so I scratched the plan and helped you."

This time, it was Bradley's turn to look everywhere but at you, his eyes flitting around the room as yours softened, remembering the day very clearly.

You'd had a shit day at The Hard Deck, getting verbal abuse from a couple of customers and you'd gotten your period the day before. So, not only were you working, you were also in pain as well from cramps you'd forgotten to take painkillers for.

"Bradley. Why...?" You ask in utter disbelief as your roommate and friend of roughly 20 years now was telling you he loved you back.

"Because I love you y/n, and I need you to understand I'm not just gonna leave you. Just say the word and I'll call or come running back to you." Bradley says, finally taking a breath and properly looking at you.

So, in a split second, you make a decision to kiss him, and clearly he'd made the same by the way your bodies moved in sync as you two locked lips.

Breaking apart a few moments later for air, you move your hands to dry your eyes and hear the door open from behind you, making both you and Bradley turn.

"Hey, y/n. If you just want to-" Penny says, walking into the bathroom, not properly looking until she faced both you and Bradley with your arms wrapped around each other. She smiles, nodding, saying nothing more before walking over, placing a box of tissues down by the sinks and then leaving you and Bradley in the bathroom.

It takes you both a moment to realise what had just happened before you dissolve into laughter, taking a few minutes before the bathroom was fully quiet once again.

"Well... Penny knows." You say, grabbing a tissue from the box Penny had placed in between the sinks.

Bradley laughed again, nodding at the bluntness of your statement and moves with you, wrapping an arm around your waist.

"Yeah. She might not kill me for punching Jake now." Bradley then says, kissing the top of your head as he holds you close.

"I should probably be telling you off for doing that, but thank you." You say, looking back up at Bradley before taking his other hand and leading him to the door of the bathroom. Dropping the used tissues in the bin by the door as you walked through it, you looked at each other, ready to face the rest of the naval pilots waiting for you both.

a/n: I'm less than a week away from uploading the masterlist for this series (when writing) so I'm getting excited!!!

Read this to find out who else I write for, and requests are open!

[ifistayitwillbedouble]

hey, i love ur arcane pfp!! it's cool to see another byler/arcane fan lmao. i was also there for klance :/ and don't even get me started. like that was actually what kept me from fully believing in byler for years cuz it was just so bad. i kept telling myself to never fully hope for queer rep until i saw it just 'cause it didn't seem to matter how bad the writing would be or if it didn't make sense for the characters to not get together, the writers/executives could just not do it anyway. but it was lowkey kinda depressing thinking that way :/

but byler was the first time that i really ever broke out of that and it seems like u and i might have been in like the exact same position lmao so if you want, i can try and tell u what changed my mind.

ultimately it wasn't any of the theories or the textual evidence even though that was SO good. it was kinda like i just needed to believe that the writers were going to act like writers without letting homophobia get in the way, then i could believe all the analyses on writing tropes and all the logical arguments i saw.

so the biggest thing to me is that the duffers and their team say they care about uplifting minorities and outcasts and while they've done that before, they also seem to do it on a deeper level than other shows that i've seen queerbait. plenty of other shows say they want to do that stuff and then crash and burn spectacularly at it *cough cough* voltron *cough*.

like even for voltron, besides klance, they also had weird mentions of race where it was kind of joked about and whatnot. like it kinda felt like it was brushed off and not given much of a focus at all. but stranger things as a show is completely centered around minorities and outcasts and because of that the writers are specifically interested in them. like it actually gets taken seriously. one of my favorite examples is the bathroom scene with robin and steve. it isn't cliche or boring in the way a lot of mainstream shows write queer storylines (because they don't fully understand them or refuse to put in the time to). it specifically straightbaited the audience and reversed cliche tropes AND the writing?? was so much deeper than i've ever seen mainstream shows go?? the stuff about robin being obsessed with and yet hating steve because she wished the girls would look at her instead. like that's more complex and required way more effort from the writers than if they had just gone for "diversity points". it was something that resonated with a lot of queer people that i've talked to irl and online which is always a good sign. also there were a lot of people saying that it was robin's actor that decided to make robin a lesbian, and the actor actually came out and said that was a misunderstanding. the writers already had that and her coming out planned before!

okay so, this was where i started to have hope for queerness in ST because we have the evidence of a full scene/character that was done well, but it'd another thing entirely to have byler. they're like MAIN main characters and i love robin, but she hasn't been there since the beginning like they have. so they'd have to take another leap with bringing queerness to mike and will.

and they've already kinda done that with confirming will as gay and in love with mike which is wild, but it's what we got. that just leaves mike so then the question becomes, even though we have a lie keeping m*leven together (the painting lie), what if they just like,, sideline will and byler anyway?

but then i read the duffer brothers saying in an interview that will was a main character next season and that they wanted to use his "emotional arc" to tie up the whole show and i was like:

will byers! my boyyy!!! they're putting the spotlight on a character they just confirmed as gay and not only will he be relevant for plot reasons, but they're also gonna heavily focus on his emotional arc?? which for the entirety of the last season was about how much he loved mike and how much it hurt him to push mike towards el?? so they're gonna tie up that emotion? that's the setup with will we get before we get his main character emotional arc in the final season?

they just care way too much about will, who they had planned to be gay and have "sexual identity issues" from the beginning, and pay way too much attention to him for me to think that they're planning on doing him dirty. they chose to focus on his love for mike all of s4 and then to make him a main in s5 (and they've chosen to have the painting lie "pay off"). they didn't have to choose that, but they chose to. all the other queerbaits i've seen never put in the time/effort/care into the sexualities of their characters like they have with will.

anyways, there's a bunch of other small things that i've seen that helped give me even more hope, but this post is getting super long already (sorry about that!). i just wanted to sort of walk through what i went through and it ended up being a lot to explain :')

byler would also be a seriously failing queerbait if it was meant to be a queerbait, ngl. the whole point of queerbaits is to be profitable and dangle smth the audience wants in front of them to do so, but byler is so controversial. if they wanted a good queerbait they could've just gone for steddie or even stonathan (i mean the actors literally kissed for a video before lmao) or at least smth that didn't threaten m*leven which many ppl still see as the "main ship", but they chose byler instead

also, the duffer brothers have said that they've had a large portion of the show planned from the beginning and that they lied to netflix about it appealing to a general audience to get it greenlit. from what they've said, it seems like the intended audience was never the general audience we have today and that was more of a happy(?) accident

Hello old friends!! Been a lot time since I’ve made a byler post.

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I have byler doubt yall. I don’t have doubt in us, like I know our analyzing and theorizing and everything is correct and I know that byler makes logical sense. But I have doubt in the writers actually having the balls to do it. Like this is a show that spends a lot of time on their straight romances and love triangles, it’s marketed towards a general audience (most being straight people), and even though their writing sucks, m*leven is at the center of a lot of the marketing. I mean a gay romance plot twist in the last season does sound kinda crazy in hindsight (although I do understand the decision to make it subtle until the last season to ensure the show’s survival). I just don’t know if I can see two presumably straight(?) men willingly pissing off half their audience to make the gays kiss. Don’t get me wrong, I want it to happen. Like a lot. I’ve basically built my whole acc off of it. But idk. I’ve seen destiel and klance and every other queerbait ship and just can’t help but wonder if we’re falling into the same trap.

So anyway. Reply or reblog to help bring my confidence back. Or don’t, idk. Maybe it’ll be better to go in with lower expectations so I don’t have the entire show ruined for me, but believing is so fun yknow?

[felassan]

.

[sappi-papi]

happy jungle sunday everynyan treating myself for this one by sharing one of my fave headcanons for him ever . remember when i infodumped about him in that one post? yeah this was what i was implying in that first paragraph below the cut. anyway consider age regressor jungle ? smile?

[sysig]

Maybe requestober prompt of soft?

Day 5 - Pile o' plushies

[everykabuto]

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

I think I need that "Wow, I haven't stubbed my toe in five months! I was then shot fifty-seven times." Audio again

[magicalflyingsubmarine]

"I was pretty good at bein' the pipsqueak the other guys threw around like a ragdoll." He could laugh about it now, his dad took him out of little league before the season had even finished. Being a teacher wasn't something Bobby always wanted to do. it was just sort of something he.. settled into. He always wanted to other things, maybe nothing, something with animals.. He liked kittens. he had a whole bunch of em in his backyard. They were sort of like cattle, they fed and grazed beneath the sun on his lawn. "You know what?" he rubbed his chin, feeling the gruff of his unshaved chin on his palm . Sadly, two of them had been killed recently.. he'd heard the whining and hissing in the night but could not see anything. "I've been hearing some strange things outside, you know?" his eyes widened in thought as he connected the pattern. God, he'd been too sleep deprived to notice. "These past few weeks, yeah. Been giving me the heebies." He'd let them in, the cats, he described this to Charlie, and the next day, noticed a trail of blood and guts mangled with fur leading into the woods.

He had just recently moved just outside of town, and for this reason, he didn't have television. too lazy to set it up yet. so most of his nights were spent quiet, with his own thoughts. this was very nice for a change. He tugged on his tie, beginning to feel suffocated by it. It was a size to small or somethin'. It he mused at Charlie's unexpected Spanish, bushy eyebrows pushing high on his face "Hey, that's pretty good, you continue to surprise me, Sheriff." he got the damn thing loose finally, topping off the last of the beer. His eyes shifted to the television only momentarily, eyes widening as he noticed a ball flying, but it ended up being a foul. Damn. "Can you say anythin' else? in Spanish? I can mostly understand, they're like my ahh," he gestured to the air, "distant cousins. It's very similar to Italian." No longer able to stay busy with the beer, he quickly found himself fondling the coaster. He flipped it so it stood, and he twirled it between his hands. He found that the outside material was this nice pelt. He'd have to ask Bella once he saw her where she got these. Sometimes she gets me talking for the whole class before I realize I hadn't even presented the lesson plan yet." He chuckled. "I got kids of my own," he finally mentioned, smiling a bit shyly. "They're little though. Live with their Ma back in my Manhattan. My boy's learning to use the phone so, he's been driving me crazy." He said it all with a big, toothy grin.. you could tell, his heart was full just thinking about them.

the conversation had been going to interesting places. now he knew more about bobby than he ever could during a parent-teach conference. none of which he minded either. "not your fault for wanting to give into that want to be good at sports growing up. maybe even be one of the stars that you were watching on the screen? find your hidden talent." being a teacher was probably something people discovered they were good at later on in life. high school maybe? college? charlie wasn't going to have the answer to that. "it'll at least serve as some background music then." he leaned over and grabbed his remote, turning the television on and putting on the game. in order to not be rude, he also kept the volume low. high enough that they weren't going to miss any changed showings, but low enough where he didn't have to pick between listening to the tv or bobby. plus, the scores were right there. he took another swig of his beer and then placed the bottle down on the coaster. "you're not hovering. mi casa es su casa." once again, he tried to dial up his hospitality. wanting to make sure that he wasn't feeling like an intruder or anything. "i'm not going to run you out of here with my shotgun if you thought that was going to happen. if anything, this is probably the safest place in forks for you to be in right now." he snickered softly. with all of the bear attacks, or wolves according to bella, he knew that the woods weren't safe. he picked his bottle up and resumed sipping the beer again. once the game was on and he felt like bobby was at least comfortable where he was. neither of them needed anything else aside from the conversation. "she does. she's gotten a lot of things for the home that's made it better. one way or another." he was almost boasting. like he wanted to prove to bobby that she was a good kid. "don't worry, i'm used to it. although bella would probably prefer you quote shakespeare and finish off your sentences for you." he chuckled softly, thinking about the two of them talking.

[crowlore]

man. been thinkin bout this sleeping arrangement

do you think the twins slept in rem's bed the entire year or only after tesla

[maladaptivedaydreamerlala]

To expand on my post here, about Gale, and how he became a blueprint for a certain type of character. I talk about the traits that were taken to create this character type and how they've been amplified, but I want to go a bit farther into the ranking.

As to my ranking of Least Bad to The Worst it goes:

Gale Hawthorne, Adam Kent, Dain Aetos, Maylen Orestsev.

Here is my reasoning and analysis on the varying levels of the traits noted in the previous post and why I think some of these characters are better/more redeemable, and don't deserve as much hate as opposed to others who deserve a lot more hate.

Gale: I actually think Gale gets a lot more hate than is just. Especially when compared to his counterparts, don't his list. He was a good person but had toxic traits. He wasn't the right person for Katniss, though, and I think he and Katniss had thought for so long that they would just be together cause there was nothing else in life, that it took them both a while to shake free of that mindset.

Also, Gale is the mouthpiece that Collins uses to show us the majority of the district's thoughts. And in the first two books, he's not really that bad, except when his jealousy of Peata goes a little overboard. It's in Mockingjay that things start to get worse. Back to my list of traits, he is a dutiful soldier who is blinded to the nuances of war. He only sees the black and white. He gets angry with Katniss when she pushes back against this mentality and is not understanding of her trauma, or only understanding to a degree. And I think we forget that he, too, mourned Prim. Katniss and Gale were kinda like family (which is another reason their ship was weird), and he looked after them when she was gone. Prim was already like a little sister to him. This si kinda what he's always talking about, where is "won up" on Peata. With Prim's death, he was indirectly responsible for it. He made an attack plan that he never knew would be used, but it was, and it got Prim killed. It was in design a sinister attack plot that preyed on sympathy. The real thing that makes me angry about it is how he reacts to Katniss about it, saying, "I've lost you." Even though I think this line is more him just coming to terms and accepting he lost his best friend, too, it wasn't the time, bud. Gale is basically he boyfriend that is super close and gets along better with the whole family than with the girlfriend. He definitely has his toxic moments, but overall, I don't think he deserves as much hate as he gets. (Also I think the movies kinda made him a bit more of an asshole.)

Adam: Adam Kent from Shatter Me is, for most of the series, an asshole (sorry). But he does have reasons for his behavior, which don't excuse how he treats Julluiette in books 2 and 3. The amount of emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping is insane! Even once they've broken up, he is still insanely possessive of her. AND then he tells her that he would rather she was dead then be with another guy! (she was sucidial for years btw) Like excuse me, but fuck you!

I really didn't think there was any way to redeem him, and he hasn't been entirely in my mind. Adam was a kid who was horribly abused by his father, lost his mother at a young age, and had to care for his younger brother, was inlisted into the army, and was almost killed by his secret brother, then accidentally gets roped into joining a rebellion by his friend. Book two and three he is just a class A douchebag for the entirety of both. Upon books four and five, we can slowly see him start to change, and then in book six, he just goes and does something stupid again. But we can see him starting to grow up in the novellas and in the snippets of the new book. It doesn't excuse its actions, but we can see it trying at least. I appreciate that the author had him recognize his horrible behavior and try to learn and start doing better. (And it seems that by the next book she's publishing, he's been able to grow and heal, and he and Juliette or on good terms??) He's still not off the hook in my book, though.

Dain Aetos: I've only read the first book in this series. Again, we see all of the traits that I mentioned before; all these love interests have an extreme level of possessiveness and almost an patronizing sense. Dain chooses to betray his friendship over and over again, and almost gets his best friend killed, because he refuses to reshape his way of thinking. He doesn't trust Violet and constantly crosses her personal boundaries over and over, violating her mind. Yet he expects Violet to understand and still care about him and frankly he is just annoying and extremely emotionally abusive. If someone doesn't have the decency to respect the boundaries of your own mind all while considering you a friend, they are, in fact (guess what) not a friend.

And lastly, we get to Maylen Oretsev, the single most toxic character I have ever read.

Mal displays all of these traits: codependency, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, emotional abuse, possessiveness, jealousy, (and the perfect soldier trait.

Mal starts out okay, but only okay. In the first book he has little interest in Alina as more then a friend, and honestly not much at that either, she's more his connection to an old life.

When he discovers she's a Grisha, he is very taken aback and feels betrayed for some reason. The next time we see hi is the winterfete in which he is a complete asshole to Alina. He is angry and yells at her, slut shames her, is pissed off that she's health and not being tortured. In book two, his behavior is on a level that even straight-up villains in books usually aren't on. Every scene he is in, he is emotionally abusing Alina, guilt-tripping her, and making her feel bad about herself and everything she's doing.

He gets pissed off when she doesnt want to get physical with him and makes fun of her for it before leaving her, and gojng a sleeping with someone else. He then later accuses her of cheating on him. He is incredibly passive and controlling of her, her choices, and is constantly making comments and trying to dictate her mind and even what she wears.

It is so insanely toxic to a level none of these other characters show. In the third final book, the author does a complete 180 to try to fix her mistake, and Mal is left as a very hollow character. Seeing as his inly personalty for the last two books was being an asshoel when she took that away he didn't have any personality left and what we got was a soogy cardboard character, who barley talks to alina, when he does its a fifty fifty between moping and trying to act heroic, and then SOMEHOW the end up "happily ever after."

(It should also be mentioned that Mal is incredibly bigoted toward Grisha, and states multiple times that he wants to "carve out" Alina's powers, which for Grisha are like a piece of your body, your lungs, or soul. This is again why if Alina had kept her powers, it never would have worked, and she never should have stayed with someone who all they ever did was tear them down instead of build them up. Every scene with Mal, especially in S&S, you can see the emotional drain on Alina, that is not the kinda person you marry.)

Yes Mal was an orphan, yes he grew up in a war torn world, and was inlisted in the army. So was almost every other character in the entire series and yet they do not act this way.

I think what makes Mal an even worse character is that so many people from in the books to the fando do not hold him accountable for his actions, even though he is the single handdidly the most toxic character (not even love interest just character) I have ever read.

So yeah thats a bit of the breakdown, I could go into more detail, but I think I did enough. And if you wan tot look at the list of traits I analyzed you can go see my previous posts.

I think that these characters to me are such red flags because these are the kind of toxic people you will find in real life. The chances of you finding a dark shadow lord you want to rule the world in are rather unlikely. The chances of you having someone pretend to be your friend only to manipulate and abuse you, gaslight and guilt-trip you into being in a relationship are very likely, and these are the types of people to do it.

I also waana add that after looking at all of these I hope we can all see that, yes, Gale was the first, he is by far the best of the "bad" he's not even remotely on the same level as some of these other characters, he simply began the trend. Authors used the "traits" to build there own mini "Gales" but just make them way way worse.

So sorry, Gale.

The more YA/NA books I read, the more I realize that while Gale is the blueprint for the 'toxic best friend love interest,' he is not the worst of this character type and by far the best out of the grouping.

So why is he so famously known as the worst? It's because he was kinda the first of this toxic childhood romantic interest, and made it popular. But each example I see of this character type has taken these toxic aspects and amplified them to a level that makes Gale look like an angel.

So what are the elements that Suzanne Collins and Gale created to make the "worst love interest" character?

The first thing all these character types have in common is that they were friends with the FMC when they were children. Often living through similar childhood circumstances, where they were usually their only friend. This sets the whole codependency issue, the "it's us together against the world. We'll stick together through thick and thin" mindset. Usually they have to survive whatever similar circumstances they are in together, relying on one another. (So far, none of these traits are very bad, mind you.)

Another trait all the characters share is that they are "the perfect soldier." There is usually a war taking place in these stories, and the male is usually a dutiful soldier. Never questioning orders, following commands, and doesn't look at things from other sides. While our FMC (usually) questions things.

They also usually tend to display (to very degrees from lowkey sus to blaring red sirens) all of the major red flags in a person or relationship. Being incredibly controlling and possessive. Having anger issues and guilt tripping, gaslighting, and emotionally abusing the main character on varying levels, etc.

Characters that I have found fit this blueprint of this character type are:

Gale Hawthorne from The Hunger Games (the first, but by far the best of them)

Adam Kent from the Shatter Me Series

Dain Aetos from Fourth Wing Series

Malyen Oretsev from the Shadow and Bone Trilogy

And if I were to rank these characters on how awful they were, from not so bad to the worst, it would be:

Gale < Adam < Dain < Mal