#but i just can't seem to make even my family get it or get me
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Silent Night, Whispered Secrets
Christmas Special 🎄
Yunjin x Male Reader
word count: 4.5K words
The office is eerily quiet on Christmas Eve, with only the soft hum of your computer and occasional clicking of the keyboard breaking the silence. Most of your coworkers left hours ago to start their holiday celebrations, but you're still here finishing up year-end reports. The only other person crazy enough to still be working is Yunjin, whose office is just down the hall from yours.
You've known Yunjin for the two years you've worked at the company. She started a few months before you and helped show you the ropes when you first joined. You hit it off right away, drawn to her quick wit and infectious laugh. She's the kind of person who can find humor in even the most mundane office situations, making even boring meetings more bearable with her subtle eye rolls and whispered commentary.
Physically, Yunjin is absolutely your type, though you've tried not to think about her that way given your professional relationship. She has a classic beauty about her, with delicate features framed by stylish glasses that give her a sexy librarian vibe. Her lips are full and naturally pouty, the kind that make you wonder what they'd feel like pressed against yours. She typically dresses conservatively for the office in blazers and pencil skirts, but you can tell she has a slim, petite figure with small breasts that suit her frame perfectly.
The sound of heels clicking on the tile floor pulls you from your thoughts. Looking up, you see Yunjin leaning against your doorframe, her jacket discarded and the top button of her white blouse undone.
"Still at it?" she asks with a sympathetic smile. "You know Santa won't come if you're still awake doing spreadsheets."
You can't help but chuckle. "Pretty sure Santa skips over office buildings anyway. What's your excuse for still being here?"
"Same as you probably - trying to get everything wrapped up before the holiday break." She walks into your office and perches on the edge of your desk, something she's done countless times during your friendly chats. "But I'm officially taking a break and you should too. We've been at this for hours."
The familiar scent of her perfume - something light and floral - wafts over as she settles next to you. You realize she's right about needing a break; your eyes are starting to blur from staring at the screen.
"Yeah, you're probably right," you concede, leaning back in your chair. "Most of this can wait until after Christmas anyway."
"Exactly! Speaking of Christmas..." She swivels to face you more directly, crossing her legs. "What are your plans? Big family gathering?"
"Pretty much the usual - heading to my parents' place tomorrow morning. Mom always goes overboard with the decorations and Dad pretends to complain about it while secretly loving every minute." You smile thinking about your family's traditions. "What about you?"
"Similar, minus the over-the-top decorations. Though my mom does make enough food to feed a small army." She pauses, seeming to consider something before asking, "Will your girlfriend be joining you?"
The question catches you off guard. In all your conversations, she's never directly asked about your relationship status before. "No girlfriend to bring along," you answer honestly. "Flying solo this holiday season."
"Really?" Her eyebrows raise slightly above her glasses frames. "I find that hard to believe. A guy like you, single at Christmas?"
There's something different in her tone now, a slight flirtatiousness that makes your pulse quicken. "What do you mean a guy like me?" you ask, playing along.
She adjusts her glasses in that adorable way she does when she's about to say something bold. "Oh, you know... Smart, funny, easy on the eyes." Her lips curve into a playful smile. "The kind of guy who probably has women fighting over who gets to kiss him under the mistletoe."
Your mouth goes dry as you process this shift in dynamic. Is Yunjin actually flirting with you? After two years of carefully maintained friendship?
"Funny, I was just thinking the same about you," you reply, testing the waters. "Surprised you don't have a line of guys waiting to take you home for the holidays."
She laughs softly, uncrossing and recrossing her legs. "Maybe I'm waiting for the right guy to ask." Her eyes meet yours with unmistakable intent now. "Someone who already knows me... understands me..."
The air between you feels charged with possibility. You've imagined moments like this before but always pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to complicate your friendship or work relationship. But now, with her looking at you like that...
"Yunjin..." you start, not quite sure what you're going to say.
She slides off your desk and extends her hand to you. "Come with me. I want to show you something."
You don't hesitate for a second, turning off the computer and getting up from your chair. Your heart pounds as you take her hand, letting her lead you out of your office and down the darkened hallway. Her fingers are soft and warm interlaced with yours. She guides you past the break room and copy area to a section of the building you rarely visit.
"Where are we going?" you ask, though you're happy to follow her anywhere at this point.
"Somewhere private," she answers mysteriously. "Where we can talk without worrying about security cameras."
She leads you into what appears to be a storage room, flicking on a small lamp that casts a warm glow over boxes of office supplies and forgotten furniture. It's cozy in an odd way, like a secret hideaway.
Yunjin turns to face you, still holding your hand. Her cheeks are slightly flushed and you can see her chest rising and falling with quick breaths.
"I need to tell you something," she says. "Something I've wanted to say for a long time but never had the courage."
You squeeze her hand encouragingly, heart racing with anticipation.
"I have feelings for you," she continues. "Real feelings, beyond friendship. I think I have for a while now but I was afraid to admit it, afraid of ruining what we have. But being here tonight, just the two of us... I couldn't keep pretending anymore."
The confession hangs in the air between you for a moment before you respond. "Yunjin, I had no idea you felt that way. I mean, I've definitely thought about you like that but I always told myself it was just a crush, that it would pass..."
"And did it? Pass?" she asks softly.
You shake your head. "No. If anything, it got stronger the more I got to know you. You're amazing, Yunjin. Smart and funny and beautiful... I love how you can make me laugh even on the worst days. How you always remember little details about things I've told you. How passionate you get when talking about things you care about..."
She steps closer, reaching up to touch your face. "We've been through a lot together, haven't we? All those late nights working on projects, lunch breaks spent venting about difficult clients, celebrating each other's wins..."
"Yeah," you agree, letting your free hand rest on her waist. "I guess it's natural that feelings would develop. We just... fit."
"We do," she whispers, then rises on her tiptoes to press her lips to yours.
The kiss is gentle at first, tentative, as if you're both still afraid of crossing this line. But then she sighs against your mouth and something ignites between you. Your arms wrap around her waist as hers circle your neck, pulling each other closer as the kiss deepens.
Her lips are even softer than you imagined, moving against yours with growing passion. You can taste mint on her breath, like she'd been preparing for this possibility. The thought makes you smile against her mouth.
"What?" she asks, pulling back slightly.
"Nothing," you murmur, trailing kisses along her jaw. "Just happy."
She tilts her head to give you better access to her neck, letting out a small moan when you find a sensitive spot. "Mmm... want to know what would make me happy?"
"Tell me," you breathe against her skin.
"Letting me give you your Christmas present." Her hands slide down your chest as she speaks.
You pull back to look at her, seeing desire burning in her eyes behind those sexy glasses. "What kind of present?"
Instead of answering, she starts unbuttoning her blouse, revealing smooth pale skin and a simple white bra underneath. Your breath catches as she reaches behind to unhook it, letting the garment fall away.
You can't take your eyes off Yunjin's exposed chest as she straddles your lap in the dimly lit storage room. Her breasts are small, almost flat against her slim frame, but they're absolutely perfect to you. Each one is barely a handful, topped with delicate pink nipples that have hardened in the cool air. The sight makes your mouth water with desire.
"I know they're not much to look at," she says shyly, noticing your intense gaze. "Most guys prefer bigger..."
You silence her self-consciousness by cupping both small mounds in your hands, feeling their subtle weight. "These are exactly what I want," you tell her firmly. "Perfect little tits that fit my hands just right."
She shivers as you run your thumbs over her nipples, watching them stiffen further under your touch. The rosy buds stand out proudly now, begging to be sucked. You lean forward slowly, maintaining eye contact as you take one peak between your lips.
"Ohhh..." Yunjin moans softly as you begin to suckle her breast. Her fingers thread through your hair, holding you against her chest as you worship her sensitive flesh.
You alternate between gentle suction and firm licks, paying attention to how she responds. When you graze your teeth lightly across her nipple, her whole body trembles and she lets out a gasp. You do it again, a bit firmer this time, and are rewarded with a breathy "Yes..."
Your hands knead her small breasts as you continue lavishing attention on her nipples. Despite their size, or perhaps because of it, they seem incredibly sensitive. Every touch, every lick, every gentle bite makes her squirm and moan in your lap.
You pull back slightly to admire your work - her nipples are now swollen and deep pink from your ministrations. "So responsive," you murmur, blowing cool air across the wet peaks and watching them tighten further. "I love how sensitive these little tits are."
"Only for you," she whimpers as you dive back in, this time taking as much of her small breast into your mouth as possible. There's something incredibly arousing about being able to almost fit the entire mound between your lips.
You suck firmly while massaging her other breast, feeling her nipple press hard against your palm. Her hips begin to rock subtly in your lap as her arousal builds. The movement makes your already hard cock throb with need, but you're determined to thoroughly worship these perfect little tits first.
Moving to her neglected breast, you trace circles around the areola with your tongue before capturing the straining nipple between your teeth. A sharp gasp escapes her lips as you apply just enough pressure to toe the line between pleasure and pain.
"Oh god," she pants, grinding more insistently against you now. "That feels so good... I never knew my breasts could be this sensitive..."
You hum against her flesh, the vibrations making her shudder. Your hands slide around to grip her ass, helping guide her movements as she rocks in your lap. Each roll of her hips makes her small breasts sway slightly, a hypnotic sight that has you alternating between watching and tasting.
"Such perfect little tits," you murmur between licks and kisses. "Love how they bounce... love how responsive they are... love how they fit in my mouth just right..."
Your praise seems to turn her on even more. She arches her back, pressing her chest more firmly against your face as you continue your oral assault on her sensitive peaks. Her breathing becomes more ragged with each passing minute.
You bring your hands back to her breasts, squeezing them together so you can move back and forth between nipples more easily. The sight of her small mounds pressed together, topped with those pretty pink nipples, is incredibly erotic. You lap at both peaks simultaneously, making her cry out.
"Please," she whimpers, though you're not sure what she's begging for. You respond by sucking harder, drawing one taut nipple deep into your mouth while pinching and rolling the other between your fingers.
Her whole body is trembling now as you continue your relentless attention. You can feel how wet she is through her panties as she grinds against your lap, seeking friction. The combination of your mouth on her sensitive breasts and the pressure against her clit seems to be driving her wild.
"I think..." she gasps, clutching your head tighter. "I think I might... from just this..."
The revelation that she might cum just from breast play spurs you on. You double your efforts, sucking and licking and nibbling at her swollen nipples while your hands massage the soft flesh of her small breasts. Her movements become more erratic as she chases her pleasure.
"That's it," you encourage between sucks. "Let go for me... show me how sensitive these perfect little tits are..."
With a sharp cry, she does just that. Her body goes rigid in your lap as waves of pleasure wash over her, triggered by nothing more than your mouth on her breasts. You continue gently sucking and licking through her orgasm, prolonging the sensation until she weakly pushes your head away, too sensitive to take any more.
"I've never..." she pants, looking down at you with wide eyes. "That's never happened before..."
You press soft kisses to her flushed chest, admiring how her nipples are now deep red and slightly swollen from your attention. "Just proves what I said - these are perfect."
With a smile Yunjin slides down your body with a hungry look in her eyes, her delicate fingers work at your belt buckle as she settles between your legs, licking her lips in anticipation.
"Now I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel," she purrs, finally freeing your throbbing cock from its confines. Her eyes widen slightly at the sight. "So big..." she whispers, wrapping her small hand around your shaft.
You groan at the first contact, already rock hard from getting her off with just breast play earlier. She starts with slow, exploratory strokes, learning the feel of you. Her other hand cups your balls gently, rolling them between her fingers as she studies your reactions.
"Tell me if it's good, okay?" she asks softly, her hot breath ghosting over your tip. "I want this to be the best you've ever had."
Before you can respond, she leans forward and drags her tongue from base to tip in one long, slow lick. Your cock twitches in her grip as she swirls her tongue around the head, gathering the bead of precum that's formed there.
"Mmm," she hums, savoring the taste. "Already so excited for me..."
She continues teasing you with her tongue, tracing the prominent veins along your shaft and paying special attention to the sensitive spot just under the head. Her hand keeps up a steady stroking motion, spreading her saliva along your length.
When she finally takes you into her mouth, you have to fight not to thrust up into that wet heat. She starts shallow, just sucking on the tip while her tongue works against the underside. Her eyes flutter closed as she focuses on the task, clearly enjoying herself.
"Fuck, that feels good," you groan as she gradually takes more of you in. Her mouth is so hot and wet, and the suction is perfect. She hums in acknowledgment, the vibrations sending pleasure shooting through your cock.
One hand wraps around what doesn't fit in her mouth yet, working in tandem with her lips and tongue. The other continues massaging your balls, occasionally trailing lower to tease your perineum. The dual stimulation has your toes curling.
She pulls off with a wet pop, strings of saliva connecting her lips to your cock. "I love how hard you are," she says, pumping you with both hands now. "Love feeling you throb in my mouth..."
Before you can respond, she's diving back down, taking you even deeper this time. Her tongue pressed flat against the underside of your shaft as she bobs her head, building a steady rhythm. The wet sounds of her sucking fill the room, obscenely erotic.
You thread your fingers through her hair, not guiding her movements but just wanting to touch her. She moans around your cock in response, the vibrations making you groan. Her pace picks up slightly, switching between deep sucks and focusing on the sensitive head.
"Just like that," you encourage as she finds a particularly good rhythm. "Your mouth feels fucking amazing."
She pulls back again, this time to focus solely on your tip while her hands work your shaft. Her tongue swirls around the head before flicking rapidly against the frenulum, making your hips jerk. "Want to taste every inch of you," she murmurs before taking you deep again.
This time she doesn't stop until you hit the back of her throat. She holds there for a moment, swallowing around you, before pulling back for air. Strings of saliva connect her lips to your cock as she gasps.
"So fucking hot," you groan, watching her catch her breath. Your cock twitches in her grip, achingly hard from her skilled attention.
She smiles up at you before diving back in, this time maintaining eye contact as she works you over. The sight of her pretty lips stretched around your girth while she stares up at you with lust-filled eyes is almost too much.
Her technique varies between long, slow sucks taking you as deep as she can manage, and focusing on the tip with quick flicks of her tongue. She seems to delight in finding what makes you moan loudest, repeating movements that get the biggest reactions.
"Getting close?" she asks during another brief break, her hand never stopping its stroking motion. When you nod, she smiles. "Good. I want to taste your cum... want to swallow every drop..."
The dirty talk combined with her renewed oral assault has you right on the edge. She seems to sense this, doubling her efforts. One hand pumps your shaft while the other gently squeezes your balls. Her mouth focuses on your sensitive head, sucking firmly while her tongue works the underside.
"Fuck, I'm about to cum!" you growl, staring down at Yunjin's face as she works your throbbing cock with her skilled mouth. Her designer glasses are slightly fogged up from her heavy breathing, adding an irresistibly naughty librarian vibe to her cock-hungry expression. Those plump, glistening lips stretch obscenely wide around your thick shaft as she bobs her head with expert precision.
Rather than slow down at your warning, she doubles her efforts - taking you even deeper into her hot, eager mouth. Her full, pouty lips form a perfect seal around your cock as she sucks harder, her tongue dancing and swirling along your sensitive length. Drool runs down your balls as she services you with single-minded determination, the wet sloppy sounds of her enthusiastic sucking filling the room.
You reach down to tangle your fingers in her silky hair, accidentally knocking her glasses slightly askew. She doesn't miss a beat, continuing to worship your cock while reaching up to adjust them with one hand. The intellectual look of her wire-rimmed frames contrasts deliciously with the absolutely filthy things she's doing with that talented mouth.
Her crimson lipstick is completely ruined now, smeared all over your cock in scarlet streaks. The sight of those perfect dick-sucking lips wrapped around you, combined with her sultry gaze behind those sexy glasses, has your balls drawing up tight. She must sense how close you are because she takes you impossibly deeper, until you feel the back of her throat squeezing your sensitive cockhead.
Her nose presses against your pelvis as she deep-throats you with practiced ease, her glasses fogging up even more from her heavy breathing. The rippling sensation of her throat muscles working around your length finally pushes you over the edge.
"Fuuuuck!" you roar as your orgasm hits like a freight train. Your cock pulses violently, shooting thick ropes of hot cum directly down her eager throat. She moans in satisfaction around your spurting length, continuing to suck and swallow rhythmically as you empty yourself into her hungry mouth. Not a single drop escapes those perfect cock-hungry lips.
Even after you're completely drained, she keeps gently nursing on your sensitive head, her tongue lapping up every last trace of cum. Only when you're trembling from overstimulation does she finally release you with an obscene pop. Your cock emerges glistening with her saliva, still twitching occasionally.
She looks up at you with heavy-lidded eyes behind her slightly steamed glasses, licking those full, swollen lips with obvious satisfaction. A thin strand of saliva and cum still connects her mouth to your cock. "Mmm, fucking delicious," she purrs, her voice slightly hoarse from taking you so deep. She gives your softening length one final kiss before sitting back on her heels.
Your legs feel weak as you watch her run her tongue over her lips again, savoring your taste. Her ruined lipstick smeared across her mouth and chin. Combined with her messy hair, fogged glasses, and the hungry look in her eyes, she's the perfect picture of debauchery.
"That was incredible," you manage to say once you catch your breath. She just grins wickedly, clearly proud of her cock-sucking skills. And rightfully so - you've never had your dick sucked with such enthusiasm and expertise before.
"I love the way you taste," she says, running one finger along her bottom lip while pushing her glasses back up her nose. "And the way your big cock feels stretching my mouth open. Makes me so fucking horny." To emphasize her point, she brings both hands up to her small breasts, squeezing them firmly through her top.
The sight of her playing with herself while looking at you with those intelligent eyes behind her frames makes your spent cock twitch with renewed interest. She notices and laughs, her hands still kneading her chest. "Already wanting more? Such a greedy boy." She leans forward to plant soft kisses along your shaft, which is already starting to harden again.
"Can't help it when you've got such perfect dick-sucking lips," you tell her, running your thumb across her plump bottom lip. She captures the digit between her teeth, sucking it into her mouth with a sultry look. The combination of her hot tongue swirling around your thumb and her glasses sliding down her nose again makes your cock throb.
"These lips were made for worshipping cock," she agrees after releasing your thumb with a wet pop. "Especially yours. I love how thick you are - really makes me work for it." She emphasizes her point by wrapping those gorgeous lips around just your sensitive head, sucking gently while maintaining eye contact through her slightly fogged lenses.
You groan at the sight and sensation. "Fuck, you really are insatiable aren't you?" Your hand finds its way back into her hair, careful not to knock her glasses off this time as you guide her movements. She starts taking more of your rapidly hardening length into her mouth again.
She pulls off just long enough to say "When it comes to sucking your cock? Absolutely." Then she's diving back down, taking you to the root in one smooth motion that has you seeing stars. Her throat contracts around you as she swallows, making you gasp.
Your grip in her hair tightens as she starts bobbing her head with renewed vigor. The wet sounds of her enthusiastic cock-sucking fill the room once again. She alternates between taking you deep in her throat and focusing on your sensitive head, her talented tongue doing incredible things that have you moaning.
"Such a good little cocksucker," you praise her, making her moan around your length. Her glasses fog up completely as she works your cock faster. "Love watching those pretty lips stretch around my thick cock. You were born to suck dick, weren't you?"
She responds by taking you even deeper, until her nose is pressed against your pelvis again. The feeling of her throat squeezing around your cock while she looks up at you with those big, eager eyes behind her steamed-up lenses is almost too much to handle.
"That's it, take it all like a good girl," you growl, using your grip on her hair to hold her in place for a moment. She moans and squirms, clearly loving being used like this. When you finally let her pull back for air, she gasps and immediately dives back down for more, quickly adjusting her glasses before wrapping those perfect lips around you again.
Her enthusiasm is infectious. You start thrusting your hips slightly, fucking her willing mouth while she moans encouragement. The sight of your cock disappearing between those perfect cock-sucking lips over and over, combined with her sexy librarian look, has you racing toward another orgasm embarrassingly quickly.
"Gonna cum again," you warn her through gritted teeth. She responds by sucking even harder, her cheeks hollowing as she works to draw out your load. Her tongue does wicked things to your sensitive head while one hand massages your heavy balls.
This time when you explode, she pulls back just enough to catch your cum on her tongue. You watch in awe as rope after rope of hot cum paints those gorgeous lips and fills her eager mouth. Some of it lands on her glasses, making her look even more debauched. She makes a show of swallowing it all down before licking her lips clean with a satisfied smile.
"Mmm, even better the second time," she purrs, giving your sensitive cock one final kiss. Her lips and chin are glazed with a mixture of cum and saliva, her lipstick completely destroyed, and her glasses are splattered with your seed. "Well, what did you think of my blowjob? Think that lived up to being the best you've ever had?"
"Fuck yes. Your lips, your mouth, your tongue, those fucking glasses... You're perfect, Yunjin.”
Still on her knees, she reaches for the open cardboard box nearby. It’s crammed with small packs of wet wipes. She plucks one out, tearing it open with her teeth before pulling a single wipe free. As she starts cleaning her glasses, she laughs softly. “These glasses? Expensive as hell,” she says, wiping the lenses with a casual ease. “But having you cum all over me while wearing them? Fucking worth it.”
Her words make you shudder slightly, your breath catching as you watch her throw away the last used wipe, her face and glasses less messy now. She smirks, using her thumb to rub at the the forgotten bit of smeared lipstick.
When Yunjin finishes, she sighs, looking at you with those big lovely eyes. "Did you like your present?" she asks softly.
You pull her closer, crushing your mouth to hers, tasting yourself on her tongue but too far gone to care. “Best Christmas present ever,” you murmur against her lips, your hands finding her hips, pulling her impossibly closer as she melts into you.
"Merry Christmas then," she says with a playful wink, wiping her mouth delicately.
"To be honest, I've never liked Christmas as much as I do now," you tell her when your lips move away.
She laughs softly, tucking her head against your neck. "Just wait until you see what I have planned for New Year's."
You hold her close, both of you catching your breath as the reality of what just happened settles in. Outside the windows, snow has begun to fall, dusting the city in white. It's still Christmas Eve, you still have family obligations tomorrow, but right now none of that matters. All that matters is this moment, this woman in your arms, and the promise of more to come.
"We should probably head home soon," Yunjin says eventually, though she makes no move to get up. "It is Christmas Eve after all."
You press a kiss to her temple. "Five more minutes," you bargain, and feel her smile against your skin.
"Five more minutes," she agrees.
You sit there together in comfortable silence, watching the snow fall outside while your racing hearts slow to normal. Whatever happens next, you know this Christmas will be one to remember. And as Yunjin snuggles closer in your arms, you can't help but think that sometimes the best presents come when you least expect them.
The office will look different from now on, you think. The familiar halls and rooms now charged with memory - her hand in yours as she led you here, the first press of her lips against yours, the way she looked on her knees between your legs…
Finally, reluctantly, you both begin to dress. You help Yunjin button her blouse, stealing kisses between each button until she laughs and pushes you away playfully. Her hair is slightly messed up from your fingers and her lips are still swollen from their earlier activities.
She's never looked more beautiful.
"Walk me to my car?" she asks, slipping her hand into yours.
"Of course," you reply, squeezing her fingers gently.
As you make your way through the quiet building, you can't help but marvel at how much can change in a single night. Yesterday, Yunjin was just your friend and coworker. Now... now she's something more, something precious and exciting and full of possibility.
In the parking garage, she turns to face you before getting in her car. "Text me when you get home?" she asks, and you nod.
"Definitely." You pull her close for one more kiss, slow and sweet. "Merry Christmas, Yunjin."
She smiles against your lips. "Merry Christmas."
You watch her drive away, snow swirling in the headlights, before heading to your own car. As you drive home through the quiet streets, you can't wipe the smile off your face. This Christmas is already shaping up to be the best one yet.
Your phone buzzes with a text just as you're pulling into your driveway. It's from Yunjin: "Already missing those five more minutes 😘"
You reply quickly:
"We'll have to make up for lost time after the holidays."
Her response comes immediately:
"Can't wait 💕"
As you head inside, you find yourself actually looking forward to returning to work after Christmas. Who knew the office could hold such possibilities? But then again, with Yunjin involved, anything seems possible.
You fall asleep that night with thoughts of soft lips and gentle hands, of whispered confessions and promises of more to come. In your dreams, it's still snowing, and Yunjin is there, smiling at you through the white flakes, reaching for your hand.
Tomorrow will bring family gatherings and holiday traditions, but tonight belongs to the memory of her - the taste of her kisses, the sound of her moans, the feel of her skin under your fingers. It's the best Christmas gift you could have asked for, and it's only the beginning.
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Different: Christmas
Katie McCabe x Teen!Reader
Summary: Christmas with Clover
"Coopurr...Coopurr, man, knock it off!"
Your mum's cat continues to try to attack your feet under the safe covers of your bed.
"Coopurr! Come on!"
"You can just kick him off the bed," Your aunt Ella says from the doorway and you finally sit up in bed.
"I can't because he's the only sane person in this house! Do you know what it's like leaving with you two?"
"Amazing?"
Your mother pops her head through the door. "The most perfect thing in the world?"
You let out a bark of laughter. "You wish."
Katie winks. "I don't have to wish for something that's already true."
"The most perfect thing in the world is you leaving me here for Christmas."
It's Katie's turn to laugh now, pulling down your blankets and allowing Coopurr to bat at your now exposed toes.
"No chance," She says," Come on, up! We've got the flight back home this evening."
"Just leave me here to rot!" You say dramatically and Katie laughs again.
"You know, if you're here alone then you have to cook for yourself," She points and you sigh, finally sitting up in bed and scooping Coopurr into your arms.
"Fine," You say," But don't think I'll be happy about it."
"You're never happy about anything."
"Kim'll tell you that it's because I'm a teenager."
Katie cracks a smile. "You know what? Kim's onto something."
You roll your eyes as you get out of bed as Katie's eyes narrow.
"You haven't even started packing yet, have you?"
"I was still banking on us staying here."
Katie plucks Coopurr from your arms with an eye roll, trying to push you along with her foot. "Go and pack. And make sure to bring lots of jumpers! You know my parents don't like turning on the heating in Winter!"
You rolls your eyes as you go rummaging around in your wardrobe for your suitcase.
It's not like you don't enjoy going back to Ireland. On the contrary, you love going back to Ireland. You just didn't enjoy how big of a family you have.
Certain members of the family seemed to delight in reminding you that you weren't actually Katie's daughter. It didn't seem to matter to them that Katie had been a mother figure to you all your life. It didn't seem to matter to them that you barely even remembered your biological parents.
All that seemed to matter to them was pointing out that you were technically, biologically, Katie's little cousin.
You stuff whatever's clean and visible into your suitcase with little regard to what clothes you're actually packing before practically throwing the suitcase down the stairs.
"Stop trying to break stuff!" Katie yells.
"Ella's the one that broke the hallway table!" You yell back with a laugh," She came in drunk and fell over it!"
Ella gasps in horror from her room. "You said that you wouldn't tell her that!"
"And you said you would get me ice cream. But here I am...Ice creamless!"
You don't actually get your ice cream, even at the airport when you very pointedly show a selection of ice creams to Ella and she promptly ignores you.
Pulling up to your grandparents' house has always been a bit daunting to you. Before Katie adopted you, you lived in that house too, once upon a time.
Now though, it feels you with trepidation.
Most of the family is probably already there and you just know you're going to have to end up sharing a room with more people than just Katie.
You're right, of course, when a few other aunts and uncles arrive. Katie's aunts and uncles, of course, but also kind of yours. But you'd never really considered them that.
They were related to your biological parents and, again, you barely remembered them. You'd grown up with Katie as your maternal role model so it made sense to you as you got older that her siblings ended up filling the roles of aunts and uncles to you.
"You feeling okay?" Katie asks, hand gently covering yours as you sit on the squished sofa and pick at the Christmas Eve meal that her mother made for everyone.
"I...Yeah, I just..." You look up at one of the older men in the room, the one that always insisted on calling you anything but Katie's daughter. "I'm just going to the toilet."
"You feel sick?" Katie sits up properly, eyes narrowed as they flick over your face, searching for a flush or anything that shows you're feeling under the weather.
"No! No...I...I just need a bit of a breather, you know?"
"Yeah, kind of overwhelming around here, huh?"
"Yeah...I'm just gonna..."
"Yeah, you go ahead."
The mirror in the bathroom clearly hasn't been cleaned in a while, covered in little water droplets but you don't really mind as you splash your face with water a few times and stare at yourself, gripping the sides of the sink in a white knuckle grip.
It takes you a while to psych yourself up, enough time that you're pretty sure dinner has been finished and people have moved onto dessert.
It's usually loud in the McCabe household and on Christmas Eve, it's no different.
Lots of people fighting over the remote and someone singing a horrific Christmas carol and someone else lecturing someone on the correct way to cook a turkey even though everyone knows that no matter how a turkey is cooked, it always comes out dry.
But this yelling is different and you definitely recognise the voice of one of the people yelling.
"Get your bag!" Katie yells, finally spotting you lingering in the doorway.
"Wh-What?"
"Your bag!" Katie snaps before sighing and softening her voice," Can you go upstairs and grab our bags? Wait for me by the door."
You know better than to try and ask her things when she's like this so you leave to grab everything, coming down to catch the tailwind of her yelling.
"-She is my daughter and she will always be my daughter, no matter what any of you people think!"
"Katie-"
"No! I won't hear it! She's my daughter and I love her and it's none of your business anyway!"
"You can't just leave, it's Christmas tomorrow!"
"Yes! And I will be spending Christmas with my daughter! I don't care if it's just the two of us. If it has to be that way then it will!"
Katie looks surprisingly calm when she joins you at the front door.
"I don't think we'll get a flight at this hour," She says," But I reckon we could still catch the ferry and then we'll take a cab back home, sound good?"
You smile at her. "I might have accidentally left your present at home anyway."
She laughs. "That's 'cause you're psychic. You knew we were spending Christmas at home this year."
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fedorafreak: eureka.
Hang on. Is that...
...son of a bitch. The king is back!
I can't even be mad that it's not actually Dad Egbert, because this is an entirely different kind of treat - and one that I didn't think we'd ever be getting.
I’d long since given up hope that we’d ever hear from Earth again – Bec’s apocalyptic meteor laser seemed to have bookended that chapter fairly unambiguously. How, then, did Homestuck’s favourite normie survive such a cataclysm?
fedorafreak: yes. it is as hoped for beyond hope. fedorafreak: unusual devices may be used to duplicate fresh, perfectly pressed garments. inexhaustibly, afaik.
FedoraFreak is a fucking Sburb Player.
This is the best day of my life. I've always wondered about how Earth's other sessions are going, and this is the one we get to see?
This is the greatest gift Hussie could give me. This is my Christmas.
fedorafreak: alas, devices appear to hold no such promise for departed family members, misplaced hand-held steam press.
He’s had a pretty rough time, though, which is par for the course when you’re playing this game.
Departed family members are a given, but all hope is not yet lost. If they're Players too, he might still be able to reunite with them in the Dream Bubbles - but sadly, I don't think the Gods will be preserving the soul of his steam press. Guess he'll just have to prototype it!
fedorafreak: now combining expensive leather pipe tobacco sleeve with handsome, gray fedora. fedorafreak: to document result shortly. fedorafreak: resulted in hat w/ outlandish and frivolous appearance. fedorafreak: do not care for; shall discard immediately.
Alchemy, of course, is far too twee for our king. Perhaps, with some experimentation, he can make some business-themed gear which is both serious and viable?
fedorafreak: made unwelcome determination. production requires expense of glittering abstractions called grist. fedorafreak: such jewels remaining in cache, libation in reserve, at premium. fedorafreak: consumed final swallow of carefully rationed urine. soon to seek water elsewhere in exotic new surroundings.
Damn, dude. You can’t even field the grist cost for water? Fedorafreak is clearly having a lot of trouble with Sburb’s earlygame.
John did a lot better, but he had a lot of help from Nanna early on, and Fedorafreak’s lack of familiarity with the game’s mechanics suggests that his sprite is inert.
He also hasn’t mentioned a server player, so he the poor man might be completely alone, with no context for the tragedy which recently tore his life apart. He may have escaped the apocalypse, but things still are looking pretty grim for our serious businessman.
#full liveblog#homestuck liveblog#act 5.2#s167#3954#i love love LOVE that ff is a gamer. maybe he was looking into buying ad-space for his company in sburb?
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Finished reading the comics
Gonna cry so hard tonight you can't even imagine
I love everything about how it's done, knowing how little resourses they had. Gonna leave some spoiler thoughts ahead
(old artwork just to make this post a bit more presentable)
Sad that demo literally got no screen time, but I'm happy that he'll be living his best life. Love that he's still living with his ma and eyelander. Love those little details with him and sniper hanging out together, seems like they got a bit closer wich is cool even in a friendly way. But i still feel kina robbed (not blaming this on the creators of the comics though. they really did a great job not only finishing the "big plot", but also managing to at least a bit show us the future of all the characters)
Love the way scout turned out. I always hated him as a person, but now he's kinda..grown? He now takes responsibilities and learns that world doesn't spin around him. And it breaks my heart to realise he only has like about 8 years left to spend with his family until the "scout's death date".
Love how spy, that always seemed the most emotionally "grown-up" still finds a lesson to learn and to change for the loved ones. I love how they showed us his face and not pyro's. Spy hiding his face is a portrayel of him not really trusting people around. So seing him without his mask shows that maybe slowly, but he manages to start opening to the people that he cares about. And hopefully one day he'll finally be able to say out loud that he's scout's father. But it can easily stay off screen
Love Merasmus. I always loved his goofy interactions with soldier and mercs. It always was obvious he'll be trolled for the rest of his life. But I really love that he had at least some time to gain self-esteen, other's respect. And love that at the end he can stay with at least somebody (talking about his roommate Tom Jones, but also soldier I guess). It's silly. And I just love that not everyone has to survive for a happy ending. That's the TF2 vibe in general
And of course I really love Zhanna and Soldier arc. Love them so much and so happy that they got the screen time they deserved. Don't know how to express it, just seeing their emotions, love they show to each other, their kids. Not a big fan of the "And then they married and had kids" trope, but here it feels so sincere. They stayed chaotic and stupid. Love it
Oh, and also Saxton and Maggie's final scene... I love it. Can't put it into words in English since it's already pretty hard for me to translate most of my ideas, so here i'll just leave it be
ALSO I love a lot of things and details about the main plot, but I'm afraid it'll take me a bit too much time to wright all my thoughts about it so to make things short:
I love how they managed to portrait the "eye for an eye" and pointless revenge in here. Through the covers of the chapter. through emotions, moments, the whole concept
Love the fact that mercs are literally the loosers of a big company that didn't even get payed enought without even knowing it. They veren't supposed to play an important role. Yet they did. Just like the game itself did in real life. I love it.
And also of course huge thanks for the artists. This comics was one of the most detailed ones. Huge, a lot of pages, great colors. Maybe it's hard to get used to the new style (especially since some of the characters are reeeaally different from the previous chapters), but i'm glad to see it and see how much time and effort was put in it.
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"Women do traditionally feminine stuff because they are afraid of the men in their lives." Hilarious, because for me growing up all of the worst misogyny I faced was at the hands of other women, usually family and friends, and whenever I caved into the pressure to do feminine things I didn't want to it was specifically because I was seeking the approval of other women. None of the men in my life have ever forced femininity on me the way the cis women have. The people who made fun of me for dressing "badly" and not shaving and spread rumors I was secretly a boy were all girls. I kept trying to get into makeup, not because I wanted boys to think I was cute(all the guys who've shown interest in me have actually liked me just fine the way I am), but because I wanted the women around me to see me as one of them and I never felt like I was.
Even when women aren't pressuring me to do girly things I still feel the pressure because I'm the only woman I know who doesn't and it makes me feel like a freak. I don't care what the men around me think, a guy getting weird about my not shaving or wearing makeup would be instantly disqualified from my dating pool without a second thought, being raised a feminist very quickly inoculated me against giving a shit what men think, but the women? My whole life I have been trying so hard to be one of them and it's still hard work to ignore the annoying internalized patriarchal cisheteronormative bullshit in my head making me think I need to be more like them and less like me. And I genuinely don't know if there will ever come a day when I can hang out in a group of women and not feel like an imposter just waiting to be discovered and killed.
And I know that my experiences aren't universal any more than the person who originally said that's are, but like. It's just wild to me that trans people especially will chalk all of the pressure to conform to gender roles up to shitty men and completely ignore how heavily the patriarchy incentivizes women to not only violently police each other's femininity but also destroy ourselves seeking the approval of the very women who are violently policing our femininity.
EXACTLY.
I love cis women who our allies with all my heart and soul, but we need to stop being desperate for their approval. The cis women who DO care about us would be the first to admit they as a category need to do a lot better, so why do we pussyfoot around them being just as horrible to us as cis men can be?
With trans women it feels like we're just trying to link arms under the exact same oppressive patriarchy because it feels like that's what being a woman is, haha yeah, men hate us, I mean they hate us in different ways and you hate us too but what matters above all else is that we're the exact same thing right? Oh, sorry, like seventy percent of you don't believe that and are violently disgusted by the thought of coming anywhere near me? But I also fear men!
And trans men...
"Women are soooo scared of me, yeah you better cover your drink around trans men too, I mean not that I would do anything personally, but I could, because I'm a man, and that means I could oppress and hurt you, theoretically!"
Listen, bro, most cis women aren't scared of you, they're laughing at you, and frankly so am I, not because it's impossible for a trans man to be a person who's intimidating, but because you're so needy for validation that you've developed a patriarchy fetish you can't turn off.
None of this is to say we should ignore the crimes of cis men or that cis women aren't also another marginalized class, and again, I love cis women who're trans allies, they're amazing, wonderful people and I would never want to leave them behind or seem ungrateful.
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Some SxF Ch 108 thoughts! (a bit scattered)
(In response to Damian making fun of Anya holding hands with Yor) Anya really is a kind and empathetic character— earlier in the story she probably would be offended and maybe even hurt (esp after Ewen's comment that Yor's not her real mom), but now she feels comfortable enough to take off her mask and reassure Damian about something she fears (feeling unloved by parents). And this is coming after Anya read Melinda's mind and she literally thought "how I wish Damian would just go away!" (among other contradictory things).
Anya doesn't snark at Damian like she might usually do. The sparks show us she's reading his mind, and it's probably something like "my mom doesn't love me". I love the detail of Anya taking off her mask. To me, it feels like a direct parallel to the school dance when she told him she can read minds. Anya is hiding from everyone, but she lets it slip for Damian. Despite everything, she trusts him with her deepest secret. She puts it back on after the moment of vulnerability.
Damian is surprised and flustered that Anya knew what he was thinking. And Anya, instead of deflecting, tells him "believe me, I know." Damian clearly thinks of mind reading as a joke, which should be Anya's way out if she wants to keep it a secret, but it doesn't seem like she wants to hide it from Damian. Or she thinks it's more important to tell him than to keep her powers a secret.
"Take off that stupid mask already!" could mean for "just tell me the truth!" but Anya literally did. She took off the mask to tell Damian what she perceives as the truth (that Melinda loves him). She told him the truth before— she can read minds. And having Yor back Anya up makes Anya seem more "legit".
"Sy-on mom is being bullied too?" is such an innocent way for Anya to describe the psychological distress Melinda is in due to Donovan. She's concerned about Damian's family not getting along, because her own family is precious to her. And while (in the English translation) she uses the same term "bully" to describe what Damian does to her, Anya's facial expression tells us she knows it's a different and more severe ("grown up") form. Her and Damian are bickering kids, but Melinda is an adult dealing with adult stuff and is under great distress due to another adult. You can see it in her eyes. She's shaken by what she learns from reading Melinda's mind.
As for Anya's "This feeling... I think I've felt it before", I'm not sure what she's referring to, but it could be Melinda picking up Damian post bus hijacking, since she similarly cares for Damian in spite of Donovan. Melinda is strange to Anya, but at least she seems consistent in that she wants to care for Damian even though she can't really express it. So Anya decides to express it to Damian on Melinda's behalf.
Also, mention of telepathy. Either a set up for the Desmond family being involved in the experimentation done on Anya, or a red herring. I noticed Melinda's hand was on her ear when she mentioned telepathy, which reminds me of Melinda's earrings (note: jewellery/hair accessories are important in SxF— Loid and Fiona both wear WISE merch, Becky's hair clip is a bomb in reference to her family's business). I've never noticed if she wears a wedding ring, but this chapter she seems to only wear rings on the middle finger.
This chapter was delicious in a lot of ways. The melancholy felt by Loid and Anya, Melinda's whole deal, the ending gives us a lot of fun implications, tarot cards, possible foreshadowing with the telepathy/occult, ominous Grim Reaper/Yor parallels, follow up on "Anya tells Damian she can read minds", etc. I'm surprised by how packed this chapter is yet it leaves questions without answers that we likely won't know ("What feeling did Anya feel before?" "What did Damian secretly think?").
The gentleness of the Forger family stood out to me. Yor was very kind to Melinda and persuaded her to seek help. Anya was kind to Damian despite him insulting her. And while Loid has less screentime, the flashback to his childhood makes me think he genuinely had a fun time hanging out with the caretakers (while trying to get intel because he never stops working). He also stayed because Anya wanted to (and they got Anya that strange mask). Maybe it's intentional in a chapter about Melinda— as the two major families, the Forgers and Desmonds are heavily contrasted. Melinda seems genuinely fond of Yor, and it's due to Yor's own personality/sincere kindness/efforts that she unintentionally gave Loid one of his biggest opportunities (at least, we would assume so). Yor is the only one out of the Forgers who's clueless to Operation Strix, so she isn't trying to manipulate Melinda. Maybe that's why Melinda finds her refreshing. She was also seemingly amused/happy when Anya said Damian bullies her but she still wants to be friends with him. We know a lot of Damian's peers suck up to him, but Anya doesn't. She's not exactly honest, but at least she admits Damian's faults instead of blindly following him.
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Your latest time-travel verse made me rewatch Kyoraku vs Starrk battle over Fake Katakura.
I have to say, over the years, I have forgotten how sad that battle is. The way Starrk mourns even Barragan's death and loses his (already small to begin with) desire to fight after it... The only reason the guy followed Aizen was because Aizen gave him... friends😭 A pack. The only reason he fought was to protect that pack. Doesn't matter if that pack consisted of some shady individuals. It was his. The first and only one he got in all his 1000+ years of existence. He had no desire to strike down his enemies - didn't kill Ukitake, proposed Love and Rose to retreat with their lives... In a way, he and Ichigo are very much alike in that sense.
Starrk was too honorable and naive and paid for that.
And Shunsui killed Lilynette😭 It is so heartrending when Starrk calls out to her with no answer...
Shunsui's philosophy, on the contrary, allows him "to be evil" in order to win. Yes, he does not like war, just like Starrk, but IMHO, "as soon as the war starts both sides are at fault" does not mean Shunsui is saying that both sides are wrong in the war and to not fight till you completely disable / kill your opponent. I think, to paraphrase, it means: "As soon as the war start, to win, both sides *will* have to be evil / There are no good people in a war because winning a war requires one to do evil things, so someone who were maybe a good person will have to become evil to win". This philosophy, basically, is "to unbound his hands" (as we say in our language, meaning when something is used to make a person free to act), a workaround that allows him to be ruthless to his opponents, despite his pacifistic nature.
Anyway, emotional rant over. I guess I just wanted to share my pain🥲 I just hope Shunsui killing a part of Starrk's soul and the only family he had will somehow be addressed between them in the future in your fic's universe. I think it's just too huge to leave out. And the only way I can see Starrk never saying anything at all to his Shunsui in TYBW timeline - is because he is THAT much of a sucker for pain and/or THAT much desperate for a genuine connection with somebody.
Starrk is just a really tragic character with a really tragic arc, canonically he was never meant to be saved or have a chance at something better.
I don't know if I'd call him particularly honourable, if only because that doesn't seem like the sort of thing he'd really think about and adhere to as a Hollow who'd spent his whole life in a place like Hueco Mundo, not in the same way a Shinigami would. I think it was more that he just didn't want to kill anyone when he'd already killed so many without ever having a choice in the matter, and now that he did, he didn't want to keep doing that if he didn't absolutely have to. He was definitely a bit naive about it because it was war, and he was up against one of the most powerful and ruthless Shinigami in existence. The moment he decided to hold back, he was destined to lose.
For Shunsui, I agree, he believes that to win a war, people have to get their hands dirty, and you can't do that and still remain "good". I also think he thinks that it's disrespectful to not do everything in his power to win, because even if that means throwing away his honour, to do anything less means risking the lives of those he's fighting that war for.
Which ties into why I personally think Starrk doesn't really blame Shunsui for Lilynette's death. I think Starrk is smart enough and similar enough to Shunsui to understand him. And why blame Shunsui when he can blame himself? He's the one who held back from the start, he didn't fight as hard as he could, he even had the chance to kill Shunsui if he'd just gone down to finish the job after shooting him instead of just backing off after disabling him, or he could've even shot him somewhere more leathal like the back of the head instead of the shoulder/chest, because at their level, which Shinigami or Hollow wouldn't survive a simple injury like that? He would've also been able to sense full well that Shunsui's reiatsu signature hadn't disappeared. So that choice is on him, and he paid for it with Lilynette's life.
I also think Starrk didn't have much conviction or resolve, I mean I don't think most of the Espada really believed in Aizen's cause, they just followed him for more power or because Aizen tricked them or forced them, and prob with a side of hypnosis to pave the way. So Starrk didn't even have anything concrete to believe in and fight for aside from a debt he felt he had to repay, and that was quickly wearing away when he saw how Aizen didn't give a shit about them.
So overall, he went into battle against Shunsui without any desire to fight or kill because he thought he didn't really have anything he wanted enough to fight for, right up until he lost Lilynette and realized that yeah he did have something precious to lose after all. In contrast, Shunsui was fighting for Soul Society and to protect his fellow Shinigami, and at the time, he definitely understood that far better than Starrk did.
If Starrk had survived, I think he would've understood that too, plus he just doesn't have the kind of temper that lashes out and casts blame on others due to excess emotion; rather, he has the sort of analytical mind to comprehend the cause and effect of things pretty instantly. That would all play a big part in why he wouldn't blame Shunsui for doing what he had to do to take Starrk out. He and Lilynette were one, Shunsui would've had to kill both of them sooner or later, otherwise he might as well lie down and give up, Starrk wasn't exactly an opponent he could take it easy with.
In the time travel verse here, Idk if I'd make it a particularly huge thing, because for Starrk it's been like 10+ years, I imagine he's laid that ghost to rest a long time ago even if the loss still hurts sometimes, plus it's not TBTP!Shunsui who killed her, and i think he would've hashed out the issue with TYBW!Shunsui already at the beginning. Of course, TBTP!Shunsui is bound to find out about it eventually, which could be interesting to poke at.
But in Take What's Broken (Make It Whole), it'll definitely come up sooner or later. Even if Starrk doesn't bring it up first, Shunsui will, and even if there's no blame, I imagine they would at least have to talk about it going forward.
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Stray Kids Tea Sessions
Okay, I held off doing this and now that I did this. I can see why I dreaded doing this lol Anyway, kept to my word that I would do this. All of this is alleged, some aren't that wild, but some I just wish I didn't get the messages I get, but fu** it. I am not filtering my readings for anyone, so here it is. Take this with a grain a salt. This is my interpretation of the cards/messages I got. I did not really enjoy doing this, it was kind of tiring. I just did this to test it out and see what I get. I won't say I will not do another group, but it will be a while, until I try another group, because this reading is exhausting, or if I do another group, I will have to do it in segments, until I release another one, so that may take time, we'll see how I feel.
Bang Chan
Things are pretty much handing to him. He has really great manifestation skills. Like, boy seemed to have an easy life. He is pretty much coddled, great loving family environment. He has the power to create the life he wants. Wouldn't be surprised if he understands manifestation and how that works. He's good at manipulating his environment and others around him, doesn't necessarily need to be bad. He's quite shielded and can't cross certain lines or has strong boundaries around him. There is a lack of maturity or a stunted child within him. I think I saw this in his perspective reading. Maybe he wasn't able to be a child. You know how people are stunted, because they never got to be a child, so they remain that way. Balance, fairness and harmony are important to him, so if things are not stabilized, he will struggle. He may come off as mature, but there is a strong inner child there that he hasn't evolved from. But he does try to come off cold, calculated and stern in his decisions. This isn't that wild to me, really, this is all you are giving us lol Okay, I take what they give me.
Lee Know
He is persistent in achieving his goals and moving along in his career. Okay, I see a woman standing in his way. She comes off as like she will help him offer him advice, but she can be brutal with words. She could have beaten him down with her words. He seems pretty defensive around her, like he has to protect his energy and be on guard around her. There is something with water or could be a mixed drink here, so I see in one card, 2 cups of water being mixed together, and the next card, a fish appears out of the cup. I am trying to understand what that means. This is not easy to extract information from this group, so I am struggling here. There is some type of concoction they take or make that help them climb up the pyramid scheme, how I get that is that this card at the bottom has a pyramid on the sand and the person with the cup has their foot on top of that pyramid, so you got to look what you are pulled to on the imagery and come to conclusions as to what that can mean. He's kind of showing me he has to deal with a lot of BS to get to where he is at but will defend it if need be. So, in the middle of this spread there is a man pretty beaten up with a pentacle behind him a bit shattered. This shows me he will defend what he built no matter what. I got even from that cold bi*** referring to the woman I was talking about earlier, like she comes off as trying to help, but she is cold and emotionless and kind of makes things worse. Okay, this one a bit more interesting from what I got from Bang Chan. He gave me some actual tea.
Changbin
He is showing me people or he himself being puppeteered to fit a certain image, okay already got this message before. There are snakes in the industry or within the company. I see him having to be in competition with others. He is showing me whatever desires and creative work he has it pretty much is vaulted. I see them harnessing a lot of their creative energy, so industry folks are not about creativity, but mostly about money, so they focus on work that makes them money. He wants his work to be more creative. They handed him this fantasy or idealized version of what things would be like. He wants things to be more balanced. People to compromise more with the idols. He isn't sharing much about himself, more so about the industry and his struggle as a creative artist, so yeah, that is all he is giving me, moving on. Boy really don't like sharing too much tea about himself. I get it through. I don't push things.
Hyunjin
Well, this industry is mentally tasking and burdensome for him. He has to hide things, which can be a burden to him. I think he hates not being able to express his pain and mental struggles. I see him dealing with depression. The Moon card and 10 of Swords gives me that. His Mom may play a major role in his career, could be one of those Momagers. She may have wanted him to be famous. Umm, getting something dark here of course, but got some blood contract here may have been made, it could between the Mom and company. I just see the 10 of Swords with blood spilled over and knives on the person's back. I can see that as Hyunjin, but than The Empress card, which I see as Mom energy also has blood on some weird dagger next to her spilling into the water and blood contract popped up, so there's that. The Sun and the 6 of Wands gives me Ego, so all he seems to know is to be famous and be an idol. Don't really think he knows who he really is. It was like he was born to be famous. It is like he shines when he is in the spotlight, but behind the scenes he is very, let me say depressed. The Mother card being in the middle just makes me feel she is very instrumental to him being an idol. I wouldn't be surprised if his Mom dabbled in Magic and manifested this life for him. I see her having high standards for her son. I mean as most Asians Mom are, so are we surprised here?
Han
He is also showing me the cutthroat business and how there is competition, and you have to take others out to be on top. Is this with the members or does this have to do with the trainee period, like why are they showing me this? It is like they may always be put against one another. I am getting conquer and defeat and he was able to shine above that and find success. I am not getting great messages from him, it is kind of freaking me out what I am getting, so I didn't really understand why I got the 2 of Pentacles, but the wolf on the card is calling my attention, he looks really creepy and scary to me. And I got the message wolf in sheep's clothing. Ya'll can look up what that means, not saying it. I am not sure he is how he appears. There could be something more sinister to him I am just going to say I don't care, this alleged, ugh this is why I didn't want to do this, His energy kind of creeps me out. Sorry Han stans, but I am not faking what I get. Ya'll can ignore this if you like. I am not going to pretend that I know what this 2 of Cups is, he may have made a pact with someone, who knows. I am not trying to look into that more, kind of done, moving on.
I think that extra protection I have started doing is working, no sickness, but we will see if it continues working for the future.
Felix
He is showing me similar things to his reading. A disconnection, unsatisfied with what people have to offer him, numbness, a lack of emotional connection to the world and others. Something about protective barriers on him. Being coddled, not able to grow up, lack of freedom. This Wheel of Fortune, on the card I see day and night, so this gives me there are two sides of him, a lighter, bright side and a darker side. Once again, nothing new here. He has a strong creative energy. A lot of potential for success. He does have this vibrant inner child in him. I say if he is freely able to express himself, he will thrive, but he cannot, so that is probably where the disconnect comes from. He is stunted and stifled, but there is a light in him that cannot be tamed, or shouldn't. His inner child wasn't able to flourish. There is something about his childhood that they keep wanting to show me but can't fully grasp that. Until that inner child can be freed or expressed. I don't see him being fully happy or satisfied. There is something in his childhood he has not addressed and that will keep him stuck. That is all I am going to share there. I know some of ya'll will be confused, that is all they are sharing. I can't clarify anymore.
Seungmin
There could be something about him wanting to get away from home, maybe step out on his own. Maybe he wanted to face a challenge, maybe he felt coddled at home. This seemed to be his decision, even though he may have been pretty young when he signed. Like in most cases family plays a big role, but he seemed to want to do it on his own. Now, once again similar to Han, there is some pact here. There is some sort of pact, maybe with the company that has to do with water and cups. It is like they make some sort of pledge with water and cups. He is showing they sold them a fantasy, like it will be like this, kind of filling them with hope, but it is not like that. And now he feels like he has to defend himself. Like there are so many obstacles and challenges. Nothing like he thought it would be like. This doesn't seem too wild from what I already learned about the industry and idols, so moving on.
I.N
He isn't showing me anything to crazy, which is what I expected. He is showing me that this is something he wanted as well, wasn't he like a baby when he joined? But he seems pretty coddles and protected. I can see people babying him honestly. He kind of stands on his own. He kind of follows his own inner compass. Although young, childlike and vibrant. He can follow his own guidance and intuition pretty well. He does have a passion or desire to obtain the things he wants. He's not giving me anything wild. He seems just like a normal kid immersed in the idol world, like it is wild how some idols are into the wild stuff, but then you get ones that are just normal, nothing to see here. I adore this boy, he is a sweetheart, but he is too normal that his tea isn't that interesting to be honest. You know what I did get some tea, but wasn't comfortable saying it, but fu** it this is a tea session, and I asked for them to share it, he may like the same sex. I am seeing that. You got the Lovers card with 2 dudes on it and the knight of wands, which could indicate sexual attraction, and he is moving towards the lover's card, remember imagery is important, so yeah, I am interpreting it that way. I am not filtering my interpretations and what I am feeling, so there you go, and I shouldn't filter a tea session lol
Okay, if I do another group. Girlie will need some time, this is not an easy one for me to do, but this group is hard to get information from, so that could be why it was difficult for me. Reading this after doing it. I actually did feel I got interesting messages here, but it is draining to do it at the time.
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Hi, can i request for a breeding kink with dk pls
Anon you know I had to drop everything I was doing and write this hehe my ult bias anyways enjoy!
You and Dokyeom had spent the day with your extended family, surrounded by children of all ages.
As you watched the kids play and interact with their parents, you couldn't help but feel a pang of longing in your chest.
You glanced over at Dokyeom, noticing the wistful look in his eyes as he watched a couple with a newborn baby.
Dokyeom seemed lost in thought, his gaze fixated on the baby in the couple's arms.
There was a softness in his expression that you had seen before, a vulnerability that he only ever showed around you.
You knew he had always wanted to be a father, and seeing all the children around him today had likely reignited that desire.
After a long day of family activities, you and Dokyeom finally found yourselves alone in the privacy of your bedroom.
As soon as the door was shut behind you, Dokyeom's demeanor changed.
He pressed you against the wall, his hands roaming over your body as he kissed you hungrily.
There was a desperate edge to his touch, a need that had been building all day.
He broke the kiss, his lips trailing down your neck as he pressed his body against yours.
"You have no idea how badly I need you right now," he growled, his voice low and rough. "Watching those kids today, seeing all the families... it's been driving me crazy."
Dokyeom's usual softness and sweetness had completely disappeared, replaced by a raw, almost animalistic desire.
He spun you around, pressing your chest against the wall as he pushed your hips back against his.
"I can't stop thinking about it," he murmured, his hands roaming over your body as he spoke. "About having a family with you, about filling you up and watching you grow with our child."
Dokyeom practically throws you onto the bed, his movements rough and impatient.
He quickly follows, his hands grabbing your hips and pulling you up onto your knees.
He stands behind you, his body pressing against yours as he runs his hands over your curves.
Dokyeom leans over you, his chest pressed against your back as he whispers in your ear.
"I need to breed you," he growls, his voice low and possessive. "I need to fill you up and make you mine in every way possible. I want to see you round with my child, carrying a piece of me inside you."
Dokyeom's hands are rough and impatient as he pulls up your dress, revealing your bare skin to him.
He doesn't even bother taking off your panties, instead just tearing them away from your body with a sharp, decisive movement.
Dokyeom hastily unbuttons his pants, pushing them down just enough to free his aching erection.
He's too desperate to bother taking them off completely, the need to claim you overwhelming all other thoughts.
He lines himself up with your entrance, his breath hot against your neck as he speaks.
"I'm going to fill you up," he promises, his voice low and guttural. "I'm going to breed you so deeply, so thoroughly, that there's no doubt in your mind that you belong to me."
With one swift thrust, he enters you, his hips slamming against yours as he buries himself to the hilt.
He lets out a deep groan, his hands gripping your hips tightly as he savors the feeling of being inside you.
Dokyeom doesn't waste any time, immediately setting a fast and brutal pace as he starts to thrust into you.
He grips your hips so tightly that it's almost painful, using them as leverage to drive himself deeper and harder with each movement.
As he pounds into you from behind, he reaches up and grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back so that your neck is exposed to him.
He leans down, his breath hot against your ear as he whispers dirty things to you.
"You feel so good, baby," he growls. "Your body is so perfect, so tight and hot around me. I can't get enough of you."
He tugs on your hair, forcing you to arch your back even further as he continues to pound into you relentlessly.
"You're mine, all mine," he murmurs, his voice thick with possessiveness. "No one else can have you, no one else can touch you like this. You belong to me, body and soul."
His voice gets louder and more urgent as he continues to speak, his words coming out in ragged gasps between thrusts.
"I want to breed you," he repeats, over and over again like a mantra. "I want to fill you up with my cum, watch it drip out of you, and know that I've claimed you as mine,"
His pace becomes even more frantic, his hips slamming against yours with such force that it's almost bruising.
He's completely lost in the moment, consumed by the need to claim you and fill you with his seed.
"You're going to be so beautiful, round and full with my child," he grunts, his fingers digging into your hips. "I can't wait to see it, to see you carrying my baby inside you."
Dokyeom's usually gentle demeanor has completely transformed, replaced by a fierce, almost animalistic passion.
As he continues to pound into you from behind, he suddenly raises his hand and delivers a sharp slap to your ass.
You let out a surprised gasp, the sting of the impact sending a jolt of pleasure through your body.
Dokyeom notices your reaction, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips.
He slaps your ass again, harder this time, watching as your body jerks forward from the impact.
"You like that, don't you?" he growls, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "You like it when I get rough with you, when I show you just how much I want you."
Dokyeom keeps up the rough treatment, his hands roaming over your body as he continues to pound into you from behind.
He alternates between slaps and squeezes, his touch both rough and possessive.
He leans down, his chest pressed against your back as he whispers in your ear again.
"You're such a good girl for me," he murmurs, his voice low and rough. "Taking me so well, letting me do whatever I want to you. You were made for this, made to be mine."
As Dokyeom gets closer to his climax, his usual sweet and gentle personality starts to reappear beneath the rough exterior.
His whimpers and gasps fill the air, his body trembling as he struggles to hold on.
"I'm so close," he pants, his hips stuttering against yours. "Please, baby, I need to cum. I need to fill you up, I need to breed you."
Dokyeom's movements become even more frantic, his thrusts coming faster and harder than ever as he chases his release.
He's completely lost in the sensation, his body taking over as he desperately tries to reach his peak.
"Please, please, please," he chants, his voice broken and needy. "I can't hold on much longer, I need to cum inside you now."
"Then cum," you gasp out, your own body trembling with pleasure. "Fill me up, give me what I need."
Dokyeom's smirk widens at your words, his eyes dark with lust as he takes them as a challenge.
He grabs your hips tightly, pulling you back onto him with each thrust as he tries to get as deep as possible.
"Oh, I'll fill you up alright," he growls, his voice low and feral. "I'll give you so much cum that it'll be dripping out of you for days."
Dokyeom's body tenses, his muscles coiling tightly as he feels his orgasm building.
He lets out a deep, guttural groan, his grip on your hips almost bruising as he buries himself deep inside you.
"I'm coming," he gasps, his voice barely more than a strangled whisper. "Oh god, I'm coming!"
Dokyeom's body shudders as he reaches his peak, his hips jerking against yours as he empties himself inside you.
He lets out a long, low moan, his face contorted in pleasure as he spills his seed deep inside your body.
"Yes, yes, yes," he gasps, his fingers digging into your skin as he rides out his orgasm. "Take it all, take every drop of me."
Dokyeom's body finally goes slack as he finishes, his breathing heavy and ragged as he slumps against you.
He stays inside you for a moment, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath.
Dokyeom pulls out of you slowly, watching as his cum drips out of your body and onto the floor.
He lets out a low groan, his eyes fixed on the sight as he admires his handiwork.
"Look at that," he murmurs, his voice filled with a mix of satisfaction and possessiveness. "Look at how much I filled you up."
Dokyeom smirks as he takes his fingers and pushes his cum back inside you, not wanting to waste a single drop.
He watches with intense focus as his fingers disappear inside you, a low growl rumbling in his chest.
"Can't let any of it go to waste," he says, his voice low and rough. "You need to keep all of me inside you, to feel it deep within you."
Dokyeom continues to play with you, his fingers slowly pumping in and out of you as he works to keep his cum inside your body.
Dokyeom pulls his fingers out of you and leans down, his lips brushing against your ass as he presses gentle kisses to the sensitive skin.
He runs his hands up and down your thighs, his touch soft and tender now that he's finished claiming you.
#kpop fanfic#kpop smut#seventeen fanfic#seventeen smut#seventeen#svt smut#dk smut#dk x reader#svt dk#seventeen dk#dk#seokmin smut#svt seokmin#seokmin x reader#seventeen seokmin#lee seokmin#lee dokyeom#seventeen dokyeom#dokyeom
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It's me the timeline guy. Here are my many lore related grievances with the comic:
SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT tho most people have probably read it by now lol
FIRST OF ALL, the Administrator's plan. What happened to "plan so disturbing that several US senators pardoned her for the Poopy Joe incident?" What even was her plan actually was it just to keep the fighting going forever? Then what was the point of Australiummaxxing after Redmond and Blutarch died?
What's up with Zepheniah’s hooked up corpse. Isn't his ghost still around? He certainly is by the seventh scream fortress comic, which takes place during MvM. His will says he won't rest until he's done being mad at the world idk how that relates to anything.
OH HORSEMANN MY HORSEMANN. Why is Zepheniah claiming to be an only child? And it's not a retcon bc later on Soldier pulls up the family photo WITH SILAS IN IT. Where did he even get that. Anyways. The only explanation is either 1) some in-universe attempt by Zepheniah to write Silas out of history (implied by the two copies of the quarterly concern, one seen in a hidden page in the classless update and the other in the background of the Engineer update), or 2) ...i was going to say Silas was actually his cousin or something but that wouldn't make sense if the siblings of Zepheniah’s dad all died young. Urgh. I hoped the Horsemann would return and put to rest the implications dragged up by scream fortress two but alas twas not to be.
What's with the 3 different covers of a young Administrator? My theory is they're supposed to represent three possible backstories the writers were cooking and wouldn't commit to. Who knows.
CHARLES DARLING. The triplets' birth certificate claimed that their mother was a Darling (save me Bette Mann etc etc), and that had me convinced Charles was going to be at least RELEVANT. Why else would he, a joke antagonist introduced in the War! Comic, show up at all? Looking for Australium, no less? I tell you that flashback of him and Maxton had me CONVINCED something would happen. Especially with the two of them lowkey treating him like shit.
So so so much Admin stuff left unexplained. Seeing her child self in the Australium. The census dated back to 1850 with "HELEN" on it. Telling Engie "your family has already done so much for me". By that she could have just meanth Radigan making an immortality machine for Redmond as well as Blutarch I guess, but ??? I liked the Emily reference tho that was something one of the artists reffered to her as for the Engie Update Comic by mistake and later took back so neat callback lmao.
SPEAKING OF RADIGAN. Nothing on who the third Australium machine went to. Presumably Admin I guess? Not explained, never will be probably.
Who was the person in the torn Mann Family portrait? My main theory was always either an earlier version/design of Grey or a Darling, but in the picture Soldier shows (SERIOUSLY WHERE DID HE GET THAT) we can't even see the outline of a person around his thumb. It almost looks like they just made a version of the picture without anyone in the middle and called it a day.
TFI having other mercenary groups came out of fucking nowhere, even in comic six. The T and F presumably stand for "Team Fortress", fuck you mean "Team Citadel", "Team Vanguard", giant fucking statue of random epic looking mercs??? What is happening. They did NOT explain that shit at all. Multiple, seemingly incredibly competent teams are NOT "eighteen perfect idiots". Did Poopy Joe die for nothing.
One of the top posts I've ever made is the one where I point out the date Spy and Scout got arrested on that newspaper: September 7th, 1972. This means the rest of the comics should take place 5½ months later i.e. February/March 1973. Ergo, 1979 could not be "seven years later". The comics seem to think themselves that they're set in 1972 already, there's a few lines about it but for the life of me I can't remember. Something something however many years since Zepheniah died blah blah year the triplets were born. Whatever. It's on my timeline probably.
Smaller thing, but embarrassing lack of a full name reveal for Heavy and Medic. Spy also, but I wasn't really expecting that. They shall remain Mikhail "Mischa" Weponzgy and Fritz Ludwig (alias, he's a wanted man) in my heart.
SO IN CONCLUSION: the writers went in with no clue how to end the story, something made evident by the possibility of the 4chan leaks being an early script and also entirely fucking different.
Still, there were a lot of lore unrelated things I did enjoy: the fact that the mercs actually got a happy ending, for one thing. Sniper stealing a plane, Scout maturing and moving on from Pauling, Pyro literally just being overjoyed to see Engie again, babies!!! The fact we even got a comic! How crazy is that? At least we didn't have to wait another seven years.
I might draft a script for an alternate ending that tries to answer lore stuff more, but knowing me I wouldn't finish it. Still, I am working on making a website for my timeline and I'll upload the link here once I'm done with it. Oh and I'll update the doc version soon. Bitterly.
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 comics#tf2 comic 7#i keep forgetting what its called fhshdhdhg#tf2 lore#tf2 administrator#zepheniah mann#silas mann#horseless headless horsemann#charles darling#ah yes my favourite game#tagging the lore characters nobody posts about lol#redmond mann#blutarch mann#comic 7#lore#australium#i hate soft reboots with a passion#bc theyre never actually confirmed as reboots#so a lot of my points here could just be boiled down to “soft reboots”#radigan conagher
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Can I request hcs for all the ROTTMNT boys for an s/o who, and hear me out on this, gets a selectively contiguous mutation gene from the boys that they didn't know existed (it does now) and they are going to turn into a mutant turtle like them. Donnie was the one to do the tests to find out about that, obviously. It starts out as a little green spot on readers back, or arm, but then another spot comes in like there's a shell growing on her back. No cure, also not harmful. But get this, reader is extremely accepting and nonchalant about it and isn't mad/doesn't blame them in any way.
Thank youuuu <3
Selectively Contiguous Mutation
RotTMNT x gn!reader
Warnings: mutation, angst, panic, anxiety, medical stuff, comfort, fluff
A/N: This is one I've been aching to do, but my brain wasn't in the mood. Sorry it's been like 9 months...
You had noticed this weird green spot on your hand
Donnie decided to run some tests
When the results come back, Donnie calls for a really bit family meeting
Donnie
Absolute panic after running the test
Probably has a lot of panic and anxiety attacks over it
He feels like he ruined your life just by being around you
Now you're family won't want you, you'll be an outcast
Never living a normal life again
And you're so chill about it?
So nonchalant like it doesn't matter?
He starts to obsessively look for a cure, something to fix it
He has to fix it
It's his fault
But in the end he can't
Donnie goes to you, asking why you're so okay with this
Why aren't you scared?
Definitely lots of cuddles and a very deep discussion
Leo
Kinda amazed and also panic
You're mutating...
Because of him...
He has you under constant supervision
Running every test his medic brain can think of
While you don't seem overly concerned, he wants to make sure you're healthy
That everything is going as well as it case based on the fact that you're mutating
This means Leo does lots of bloodwork
Not just on you, but him and his brothers too
He's not happy about the situation, but he is fairly calm
Mikey
Worried
But he keeps his cool
He doesn't want you to worry any
If you are
Which by the looks of it you're not
He's with you every step of the way
Cuddles, kisses, massages
Anything you want
Anything that will help you feel better
Dr. Feelings does come out and he has a deep talk with you about what's going on
If you're okay, he's okay
Raph
Panic
Worry
Absolutely terrified
He's hurt you
He's fine something he can't reverse
No one can reverse
Even though you're pretty okay with the hike situation, he hates it
He wants you to be angry, to be upset
He wants you to get mad
Raph will still be there for you through it all though
He won't leave you alone
Not when you need him the most.
#{fish answers•°}#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt#rise donnie#rise leo#rottmnt x reader#rise raph#rise mikey#mikey x reader#michelangelo x reader#donnie x reader#donatello x reader#leo x reader#leonardo x reader#raph x reader#raphael x reader#donatello hamato#michelangelo hamato#raphael hamato#leonardo hamato#rise x reader#rise of the turtles#rise movie#save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#save rise of the tmnt#save rottmnt#unpause rottmnt#unpause rise of the tmnt#unpause rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles
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i keep reducing myself down to solely a functional object without thoughts or opinions n i think it might be bc i'm terrified of the prospect of having to defend my self rather than the facts
things to unpack in therapy one day: the way i've started to shy away from certain books and intellectual challenges because they're "too good" for me even though I spent literally my entire life up through college intellectually ravenous
#it all comes back to shame doesn't it#my guitar teacher pointed out today that playing guitar means eventually you'll be put on the spot and i should think of something i like#that i can play for others#and wildly enough the part that scares me is the something /i/ like#i have such a fucking hard time letting people see me because i am so convinced all there is to see is someone unlikable#even so. i got complimented by elderly people for my presentation today and talked someone from a no to a yes on getting help#even so. that just feels like being persuasive#a technician with a reasoned opinion they articulated smoothly#the actual Me is so fucking awkward and defensive and floundering#i don't know how to even recognize a friendly hand. the thought of people being friendly and Meaning it is so fckn impossible to internalize#god self pity is such an ugly emotion#all it really comes down to is fucking being infinitesimally brave and choosing to be brave over and over and over and over#i want to talk to my dad but he's at a work conference and i don't want to disturb him to cry about something#even though i think if he had a say he would be willing to do it#one thing i Did get to bring up to a therapist was how i have been disappointed when i've tried to rely on family emotionally#we don't have a culture of crying on each other's shoulders until it's so late in the game that the breakdown is imminent#or maybe it's just me i don't fuckin know#but i just can't seem to make even my family get it or get me#and i love E immensely but i know displays of emotion and conversations about it make them uncomfortable and they avoid them#i feel like i can tell them anything but i can't Talk With them about anything#i rely on soren and rowen and sometimes teresa for that#i should maybe consider ellen too#she's been vulnerable with me in a way i haven't reciprocated lately. altho she's been dealing with a lot so idk#it is so easy to feel like nobody will care though. is the problem
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I am unreasonably upset about the fact that I've been forced to accept that Gabriel was a Gerald.
For context, in An Inspector Calls, Gerald Croft is engaged to Sheila Birling when he meets a homeless, struggling Eva Smith in a bar, and essentially in return for a home and money he shows her affection (ahem), then gets rid of her once he no longer has a use for her. Now, obviously this isn't a direct translation, but the essentials are - a Gerald is a character who uses another character, in return for something they need, usually masking the fact that they're using them with affection and love.
And against my will I've had to accept that this is exactly what Gabriel does to Nathalie.
Did I want to think he had potential to be better? Did I think he genuinely cared for Nathalie?? Hell, did I just really really want somebody to care about Nathalie???
Probably all of the above but the point is: he's Gerald. And I cannot - I literally can't unsee it now. Their whole dynamic in S3 is like “oh boohoo I'm sorry I wish you didn't have to use the peacock Miraculous and kill yourself over it but uh I need to use your powers” “yeah no that's fine I'm all good”. Which, given the "Gerald" theorem, I'm assuming leads to the fact that what Nathalie needed, above all, was someone to care about her - and Gabriel came along, as Sheila Birling puts it, "like a fairytale prince", and was so caring and gentle and... Yeah. She fell for him. And. Yeah he genuinely did seem to care like twice. But so did Gerald. Gerald actually admits that he did care for Eva, just not the way that she cared for him, and, uh, not enough to not just dispose of her. So he discards her anyway when she stops being useful.
Leading me neatly to my point.
He starts using the peacock Miraculous the second it's fixed, the slimy bastard, HOWEVER. It runs way deeper than that. Assuming I'm right (which I almost DEFINITELY am), then Gabriel only needed Nathalie while she was useful. She didn't stop being useful in season three - she's still scheming for him, helping him with plan after plan. It's only partway through season 5 that she officially servers ties with him, and starts to actively hinder him.
Nathalie stops being useful when she fails as Safari. And I reckon that's when Gabriel and Tomoe decided she had to go.
(It's painfully, I-was-ugly-crying-over-it obvious in Conformation that Gabriel is fully prepared to let Nathalie die - in the original storyboard, her alliance was encouraging her to sleep, and he's very obviously prepared for this moment - I've made a separate post about it that I'll link if I can find it. However, onto the next bit)
With all of this, there's one thing that sticks out to me - Nathalie didn't see any of it until it was already too late. There could be many reasons for this. But you know who would have seen through it? Whose parents were all loving and perfect until she married the wrong man? Emilie. Emilie, who left behind those videos, which on the surface look innocent, but when you look deeper look like a (love confession???????) AHEM a warning. I reckon Emilie noticed what was going on and realised that Nathalie wouldn't see through Gabriel, so she left those videos addressed to Nathalie (not Gabriel, which surely they should have been - they were about him, after all - unless they were there...) as a warning. I don't think the videos were supposed to be about helping Gabriel, I think Emilie was warning Nathalie to get the fuck out of that house, and to take Adrien with her. Because Emilie knew it'd end like this.
Yes I'm still mad ok give me a break.
#Not a direct translation obviously#(although I hate the fact that my brain has AUTOMATICALLY made the links between the peacock Miraculous and Emilie and... yeah#as in#it fits better than it should as an allegory)#Anyway yeah my mad evening ramblings™#This began as an angry rant and became a theory#But yeah it's so so obvious I've said it before but it's SO glaringly obvious that Nathalie is desperate for any kind of affection#“girl what were YOU doing at the devil's sacrement -” I am also desperate for affection!!!! Shut up I'm talking!!!!!#It's really really obvious like I'd guess#(given that she seems to live with the Agrestes and has a... past certainly)#there's no family in the picture#And yeah so I'm tired now if you have questions ask them I'll elaborate#Just remember that I'm so fucking obsessed with An Inspector Calls that it's genuinely a plot point in one of my books#So the comparison makes sense ok???? Let me go to bed#(read found-family fanfic and cry)#miraculous ladybug#miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir#nathalie sancoeur#gabriel agreste#emilie agreste#adrien agreste#miraculous#an inspector calls#gerald croft#Yes I'm tagging this with AIC and Gerald ok I want a bunch of GCSE students to look up the tag and be confused out of their fucking minds#Voilà i guess#Oh yeah there's problems with this bc Emilie tells Nathalie to stop Gabe#but there's nothing saying she didn't then add “oh and if you can't then get the hell outta there babes”#“with OUR little prince” (????? That line is still so confusing what does it MEAN)#Oh ig I should tag this with eminath bc of the last bit
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I still find it funny how a pr*shipper called me an anti as if it was a negative thing to dislike ships that are problematic, y'all know the "pro" in "proship" stands for problematic, right? <-(probably a false statement but that's how I've heard it)
I'm not usually a hater but like, they came to my post (one where I said "I take shipping rise April with the turtles as inc*st since she's depicted as their sister and is even referred to as family by Karai") and told me that I'm crazy for saying that shipping people who call each other family makes me sick???
My brother in Christ, it wasn't a debate, it was a boundary, and you're added to my blocklist
#they also didn't even follow me so I was just confused#they just walked into my house without buzzing in and spat on my rug#just to say “wow this anti is crazy for saying it's weird to ship ppl that say 'you're like family to me'”#like dude I think if someone says you're like family they don't want to get together#I get when people make content based on their own awful experiences with this kind of content but it's not glorifying#it's expressing pain or trying to cope#it's so much different when it's being portrayed as an awful thing because when it happens it is#I'm not at all saying you can't make this content to help get over trauma#what I don't like is when people make it for their own enjoyment and make it seem like it's a good thing#age stuff r*pe and inc*st can be done if it's done in a way that shows it is bad and devastating to someone#I do not like this content if it is made for someone's enjoyment#it needs to have warnings beforehand and proper tags#some media can be made for grief and coping#this is where I stand#also not a fan of tmnt mpreg
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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