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abstract-crossverse · 2 years ago

Note

so i heard you're taking doors requests... wiggles eyebrows might I request possibly Ambush x reader fluff thingy?? this is my first request so sorry if its weirdly formatted LOL

Might as well answer these both in the same post soo sure! and youre good, the format is just fine lol. I'll do headcanons for this one to get a general grip on Ambush since I just started writing for Doors

and I hope you dont mind but I headcanon Ambush as male(he/they)- I know a lot of people see them as female so just letting you know preemptively More under the cut cuz this was long again

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Ambush x Reader [Headcanons, fluff]

-> While it may not seem like it- Ambush is one of the most patient entities in the Hotel, with his speed if he were to be constantly patrolling the Hotel as his brother does- he'd come up more often than not bite a chunk out of you

-> His strategy is usually to stalk "Players" until he finds a moment he feels you feel safe enough, to then shatter that safety to pieces as he comes screeching sounding as if a car engine and a broken vacuum had a baby- then do a couple run backs through the room you're in to see if you slip up on the timing you get in and out of the closet

-> So you can imagine with you it wasn't any different, he stalked you around after you got out of the Library and left Jeff's shop. he was a bit intrigued by how far you've gotten, then again, many others survive up to 100 and go down that elevator only to wind back at the Hotel's Lobby

-> Though you were... different, I guess you could say, he didn't know how to describe it too well, the way you marched door after door, collecting money from drawers and desks- you seemed determined to get out of here, and he's seen you a few times before, you look familiar, and he's not one to forget appearances easily. he found it.. charming, to say the least, you looked so determined to leave you'd be willing to go through this nightmare again and again? He'd applaud you if he weren't trying to be sneaky

-> Then again, many others had a similar determination, but some didn't come around too often, sometimes taking months to be even spotted walking through the halls of the Hotel. but you, you came frequently. he wasn't allowed in the lobby unlike Timothy, Sally, and Seek's Crescendo(which in reality is just Hide warning his brother of where the Players are and how close they are to Seek), and none of them really mention it at all so his guesses are those people just hang around there doing whatever until they decide to run through the Hotel again

-> And since you caught his eye, you are prompted to either feel like you're being watched a lot or have Ambush come a bit more often than he usually would- which makes you joke that he's pissed off at you or get annoyed about it

-> As time went by, and a lot of him watching you from a distance- his interest in you grew into a desire to actually meet you, know who you are, your interests, your likes, pet peeves, so on. You barely bump into other Players around the Rooms and Halls you go through due to the Hotel's nature- you enter an elevator alone and it's going to be just you and you alone unless the Hotels falters and shoves you with someone else you may or may not know at all. he has no idea how the real you is like since he's only seen small comments or curses you throw at certain entities like Screech or El Goblino if you even stop for a chat

-> And so for the past few times you passed around he's been trying to muster the courage to go talk to you or ambush you when your guard is down in hopes he can catch you for a chat. He's kind of socially awkward with people he knows dont like him or have never directly talked to him so it's a bit of a struggle for him- then he ends up just impulsively charging at you, which of course prompts the little 'game' every player does to avoid him in response

-> However, on one particular day, you slipped up. you entered the closet too soon- and Hide wasn't in a good mood that day, Ambush ran the first time to the door but before he could bounce back to the previous rooms, Hide pushed you out, you hit the floor with a soft 'thump' and a groan as Ambush stood there in shock. he looked at the closet as Hide's arms slithered back into the confines of it, then looked back down at you, who had the same expression of shock and terror as you stared at him with wide eyes, face softly lit by the green and purple light he emanated. you looked beautiful...

-> You both stood in silence before he moved slightly toward you, making you close your eyes and brace yourself, waiting for death... but death never came. You opened your eyes again when you heard footsteps hit the carpet.. footsteps? Ambush doesn't have feet- peeking from behind your arms, you were shocked to see.. Ambush, but- with a body-... waht

-> He wore a light cream-colored button shirt with a dark green vest and pants, black dress shoes along with a light green ribbon to top it off. behind his head, you could see slightly translucent tentacles that seemed to mimic hair? they glowed within the darkroom along with the same.. matter making up Ambush's neck, was that what caused the glow he emanated when he bounced by?

-> He was crouched in from of you, both knees on the ground as he hovered a skeletal hand over your shaking form.. you didn't even notice you started to shake. He attempted to speak- though only his signal yell sounded for a brief moment, making you wince since he was so close to you. He cleared his throat, seeming to avert his eyes to the side briefly as his mouth closed side to side- which made sense but it still looked weird to you-

"are... are you alright?" his voice finally came through, it was hoarse and a bit scratchy, as if he'd screamed his lungs out yesterday and lost his voice, which again- makes sense with how he screams, it had a hint of a Boston accent too

"uh....-" you were speechless, wondering if you were in a dream, and even in a dream you can't escape this place? damn. he read your confused expression and averted his eyes again "it's... hard to explain.. yknow- this?" he motioned at himself "but we're not exactly corporal, so it is possible for this to happen.-- anyway- Hide- pushed you out pretty hard-..."

He offered a hand for you to get up, you stared at his hand, unsure of why he was trying to help you, you dont know if you can trust him- after all, as far as you know he's tried to kill you. "... why... why are you helping me?... aren't you supposed to have killed me by now?" you asked, fixing sitting up from the ground a bit, Ambush looked a little apprehensive, his hand twitched slightly away

".. I- I know it may be hard to believe but... you interest me.. you caught my eye, and I wanna learn more about you." you sat there confused at his words "why me though?" the room fell silent, only the faint buzzing from his form barely hitting your ears as he looked at the ground, seeming to think about your question, he shrugged a few moments later "... I can't.. explain... you're just-... interesting."

-> after that little moment, you walked to the other room that was lit so you didn't run the risk of getting yourself bit by Screech and just- talked, about anything really, though most of the conversation was you asking questions about him and the other entities, after all its not every day you get to have an actual conversation with one of these beings that usually are out to kill you. though you still expected this to turn out to be a dream, you expected to wake up in one of the beds in the hotel or back in the Lobby

-> After that day- you half expect things to go back to the usual normal of the Hotel, Rush zooming by, Screech occasionally being an annoyance, the usual. But you were surprised by Ambush tapping your shoulder at Door 2 on your next run, scared the shit out of you-

-> And it's been like that ever since, he'd tap on your shoulder every time you came back around the first 15 doors and accompany you through the rest of the run- aside when it was dark rooms, Seek's chase, or the Library- anything that involved other entities that could see him with you- he would just- vanish until you got passed them... he didn't want to risk being isolated for talking to a Player instead of killing them.. the others could even understand a little if he explained well but- if Jack got hold of that information... he might be as well as dead again

-> You've begun to enjoy his company, you'd joke around and talk about things from before you got stuck in the Hotel, and he'd occasionally drop some of his lore as well- though he doesn't remember much from before he became Ambush

-> It wasn't long before he realized he'd gotten feelings for you, love, that was it, he remembers the feeling but he didn't even know if he could still feel it... glad to get that uncovered- now difficult if going to be Confessing his love for you. as I said, his social skills are kinda below average- so it takes him a lot of hyping himself up and chickening out to figure out how to confess... meanwhile with you- you were so incredibly confused about how you fell for the alien skeleton looking entity in the first place, maybe it was his voice or the way he was so kind to you? you really didn't know-

-> The day he confessed was a day like any other, you both sat in the garden before the Greenhouse, the rain a little less aggressive than usual as it hit the roof of the pathway, sitting towards the statue you heard other Players theorize could be a representation of the Guiding Light. At the moment he was sitting beside you listening to you tell him about the mentioned theory, he softly gazed over your smaller form, resting his head in one of his hands, a smile curling up on his lips as you chatted away about theories you and other players have come up for the hotel

-> Soon you finished talking, finally looking up at him to see his reaction as you had been looking everywhere but at him as you talked. a sudden feeling of warmness overtook his body, feeling as if butterflies fluttered around his stomach the more you stared at him, as much as he wanted to look away as he got more overwhelmed with that warm, fuzzy feeling- his body made no effort to glance away, he wanted you looking at him, he craved your attention.. he wanted to hold you, he wanted to love you

-> "... god, I love you...." he blurted out, not even realizing what he said until your face grew red, then his face just glowed in a green blush, he tried to explain himself but all attempts were futile since the more he tried to speak, the more flushed he got. Eventually, he just sighed in defeat..

"... there's no out of this one... its- its true- [Name], I love you, I really do... you're just- I can barely even explain- you're perfect in every way I can think of, your voice sounds heavenly, your quirks are incredibly charming- you're the most amazing person I've ever met... I understand if-- if you dont feel the same but- I needed to get that outta my chest.." he sighed, looking at you with eyes that pleaded with you not to hate him, not to snap at him with insults and 'why would I even like a monster like you?', though he still braced for the worst

though surprise hit him full force "I... I love you too, Ambush-... I... I do, I really do..." you looked at him softly with a small smile, you spoke a bit more- feeling as if you needed to also express what made you fall for him the way you did, even though you struggled to put it into words- he only looked at you with bewilderment

You heard a small... rumbling sound, like a purr almost? but not quite at the same time, you trailed off, trying to figure out where the sound came from before you realized- it came from Ambush, you were about to ask about it but before you could, he gently leaned his forehead on yours, purr growing noticeably louder as he nuzzled into you, wrapping his arms around you in a hug

he thanked you, so many times, he sure sounded happier than ever before right now, you chuckled, wrapping your arms around his neck to hug him back. you sighed contently, I guess now you two were a couple.

-> And now for dating headcanons because I took too long on the meeting shit

-> He loves being in your presence, hanging around you or so much as knowing your in the next room over counts I guess

→ He's not the biggest on PDA but its often that he'll at least bw holding your hand at times in public or stand pretty close to you in general. He does get flustered really easily if you give him kisses when he doesnt expect it or is in a public setting

→ Speaking of Public, he told Rush about your relationship at the very least, and he was ecstatic, his bro finally bagged someone? Color him surprised! He didn't bag shit. Actually- a little too excited- he told most of the Hotel next you knew... Minus Jack, Jack doesn't get to know of it. None of you know what he'll do to you or Ambush if he knows..

-> Some support your relationship (such as Rush, Screech, Sally, Dupe, Jeff, and Bob), others are apprehensive of it but if it makes You and Ambush happy then so be it, they'll try to remember your face and not kill you too brutally if they can help it- (Seek, Hide, Figure, Eyes, Halt and Goblino), others dont like the idea at all either because they think it's too dangerous or you shouldn't be together in general (Guiding Light and Jack(if he knew) respectively)

-> But you bother are happy with each other and aren't going to break up any time soon I'm sure

-> While he does run very fast for a decent period of time- Ambush gets pretty bad fatigue once he's done, which is why he usually appears once and fucks off for a while to rest up after so- usually if you're not going through the Hotel and is just chilling in a room somewhere he's likely to join you for cuddles if he's not with you already, sometimes this man will just refuse to get up to hunt other Players if you're already cuddling

-> As much as he's the most logical and... less energetic between him and Rush- he's just as stubborn. need to get up to continue your run? 5 more minutes with him, cmon you've done this plenty already, take a break. need to go over to Jeff to buy some food cuz you're hungry? nope, you just stay there, Ambush will get it for you- AH AH- stay there, he'll be back in seconds. Want to go check out what the Rooms are all about-- Do Not. Please. No. Don't go there.

-> He's very touch starved and at the same time touch repulsed- only very few even get to tap his shoulder without him flinching away and getting upset at them or getting straight-up killed(if you're a random player with no links with him), so if you want to give him Physical affection- tell him you want to(at least at the start of your relationship), it's fine when he's consensual about the contact or initiates it in the first place. Later on, he gets more comfortable with you and he'll accept you initiating contact without needing to ask all the time

-> He also enjoys laying on you when cuddling as you gently caress his face or his head, it fills him with so many butterflies you have no idea. and he'll return the favor in kisses and do the same to you when it's your turn to lay on him, also give him kisses while holding his face in your hands, and he will melt /pos

-> He's also very attentive to detail, he'll remember the tiniest of things about you and your likes and what you dont like and use that to get you gifts from either players he killed that had something you liked or random trinkets he thinks you'd like that spawn around the Hotel at times

-> He's also very interested in fashion, he knows quite a bit about color theory and clothing combos so if you dont know what to wear, he's the guy you can count on to help you. Just give him a general vibe you're aiming towards and he'll do his best to find good options for you around that. He also learned how to tailor outfits with Glitch, the perks of being one of the oldest entities of the Hotel, he will make you an outfit do not test him

-> Remember when I mentioned the tentacle thingies on the back of his head? yeah those act like hair, they feel smooth and a bit rubbery and act like how Splatoon hair works, you can cut it, braid it, tie it up, anything- it has no pain receptors so he wouldn't feel pain if you cut it or tied it too tight, though it still kinda moves with his emotions or just idly

-> He loves you a lot, and he's glad you choose to stay with him. he promises he'll try his best to make you happy :]

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#roblox doors #doors roblox #doors ambush #ambush doors #doors x reader #ambush x reader #maskwrites #anon #headcanons #maybe I should put some extra tags? this feels so empty my god #idk. I have no idea what to write more here #hope you enjoyed the headcanons!

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lastoneout · 2 years ago

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may you please share the onion gravy recipe? I've never tried gravy and that sounded really good!! :0

Okay so I was def Winging It pretty hard-core when I made it cuz which I have a bad habit of doing since I've been cooking for so long I can kinda just do whatever and have it work out, but I can break down more or less what I did! Also I'm terrible at explaining things so I don't know if this will be helpful but I hope it is??

Oh also ingredients people make lists of those okay

one small-medium onion(I think yellow is better but I used white)

like half a stick of butter bcs I'm worse than julia child but you can sub for olive oil or idk bacon grease if you're really feeling it, just some kind of fat so the onions don't stick too much

like two tbs of flour or one or corn starch

I think 16oz of beef broth all together? Might be more or less, I bought the store brand 32oz container and there was around half left

salt and pepper

garlic...or just garlic powder and/or garlic salt

maybe a tiny pinch of brown sugar if you want and/or some other seasonings idk that is up to you onion

So I peeled and chopped up the onion(very badly cuz I suck at that) and threw it in a little sauce pan with some butter and salt and then spent like...ough 45 minutes caramelizing it?? which DOES undermine my point about food being easy but it's not complicated it just takes a while and it's very worth it(and you can also caramelize a lot of onion when you do have time and freeze it for use later) just keep it on low heat and make sure to stir them every few minutes so they don't burn and add more butter or olive oil if they are burning really fast or are sticking too much. You can also add a lil pinch of brown sugar to help the cramelizing but I didn't. Up to you!

Anyway once they were done I added beef broth in like really small amounts like half a cup at a time, made sure to scrape up all the good bits in the pan as I stirred it in, and let it cook down before adding the next one to really Consentrate The Flavor, and after doing that twice I added another like cup or so of beef broth and let it simmer for a while until it looked like more or less the right amount. Then I added seasonings, I think salt, pepper, and garlic salt and maybe a little garlic powder? You don't need much tho so taste it as you go. Also looking back I don't think I used real garlic so idk when you'd add it, probably before the broth when the onions are done, and just stir until it smells good idk.

You can use flour for the next step, just like mix a tablespoon or less in and let it cook and thicken on medium heat and if it's not thick enough you can do it again, but I used corn starch cuz I was out of flour and that was like a tablespoon? And I took some of the broth out and put it in another cup and mixed it with the cornstarch until there weren't lumps and THEN mixed it into the main pot(that's just a corn starch thing tho that stuff is a bitch flour is way easier) and then let it cook a bit like on medium until it was thick.

Then I added a little bit of cream cuz I'm a fancy bitch but milk or half and half works, just watch it cuz that's ofc gonna water it down a little, so you don't need much. (You have more wiggle room with cream cuz it's already thicc, a little less with half and half, and less than that with milk so keep that in mind.)

And that's it! It was really fucking good, kinda like you made french onion soup into gravy?? Idk it was better than the meatloaf that's for sure and it keeps in the fridge for a couple of days so that's good! Hope this was helpful and sorry I'm terrible at explaining things lmao but yeah that was the process!

#I feel so bad when people ask for recipes because I am cooking like a mad scientist just doing whatever #exact amounts?? no clue #that's why I'm horrible at teaching people to cook

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jodilin65 · 31 years ago

Text

THURSDAY, JUNE 30, 1994 Wow! It’s so much cooler in this house than it has been in a few weeks. Especially in my room. Tom switched over to the AC till we get the other EC going.

I put the wedding card that came with the candlesticks my folks sent in the back of this book.

I’d like to write more, but first I’d like to go make some coffee and see what the talk topic is on Jerry Springer.

Later…

Now that was both spontaneous and fun! Tom came in and laid down with me cuz my lungs were a little tight. After whacking my back he went down there.

Later…

Tom’s leaving for work real soon, and I’m surprisingly not too tired. I’m probably going to listen to music soon.

Boy, has it been unusually hot with temps of 115º daily. In Laughlin, they hit 125º! In Lake Havasu, they hit 128º! God, I hope that never happens here. If I could pick the same low and high every day, I’d pick a low of 70º and a high of 110º. That’d keep the pool comfy. It’d also hopefully keep it as quiet as it has been all year round. Maybe keep the kids next door permanently in Idaho. It has been so quiet here and sooo nice. Oh, I hope it stays this way!

Today we’re ordering Denise Austin’s 1-2-3 Tone Up. I can’t wait to do it and I know it’ll be so much easier for me to stick to. Those other videos I have are just too much and too overwhelming. This should cut to the chase.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 29, 1994 Uh-oh. It feels like my tooth is wiggling more.

So, how’s videography going? Well, Tom’s making a program that’ll make it plainer and simpler. The idiot who wrote the program we have is definitely stupid and they obviously like to confuse people. Also, the movie I taped is of lousy quality, therefore the pictures are grainy. The Guardian tape is top-notch, so that’s why its pictures came out clearer. We don’t have a video processor, either. I’m going to try to find this movie in a video store. Tom printed a picture of Andy performing. This was from when we were in the finals at the Frontier. It’s shitty, but there’s nothing we can do.

I also finished Andy’s 3-page letter, so I’ll mail that out tomorrow, along with letters to Bob and Kim.

I made spaghetti and two sandwiches for Tom.

His birthday could’ve been a lot better, but he had lots of errands and an upset stomach.

The house is officially ours today and we mailed out the insurance forms, in case I forgot to say. I still have to change my license, get a new SS card, and a new doctor God, do I hate having to start all over with a new doctor!

We went to Christown Mall and Tom got a dress shirt, new shoes, and a tie cuz he has a job interview tomorrow.

We went swimming today and that’s about it.

Later…

I got two packages from Mom and Dad today. One with the jewelry and another with silver candlesticks. There were about 5 rings that were nice but didn’t fit. I have on a really nice gold bracelet, and there are a few other necklaces and earrings they sent that are really nice. She enclosed a note saying the dishwasher is to come. I can’t wait for that.

Tom and his brother David (now my brother-in-law) brought the EC over. We hope to have it set up in a few days.

Should I go for a swim right now? Sure. Why not?

TUESDAY, JUNE 28, 1994 Good fucking God! I thought printing pictures would be a breeze now, but no. I’m having trouble with picture sizes, clarity, and all kinds of other shit. I need to work with Tom a while longer till I can be on my own, but will he have the time? We’ve got a lot of shit going on that we both have to take care of.

I have to get a new SS card, a new license, and a new doctor. Plus, his sister Mary’s getting married on July 16, so I’ve got to be prepared for that. I think this Sat. she’s supposed to be having a family get-together, too.

I’m so confused with videographing that I’m not even sure how to word or describe my questions to Tom. Well, if I can’t ever learn how to do it on my own, then so be it.

I got 3 Bob letters today but was too lazy to type his or anyone else letters.

I typed up #38 & #39. So, that leaves #’s 40, 49, 52, 53, & 62 to type up first since they should go faster. Also, #41 and a few others may go faster cuz there are letters written in them. This is before I put all my letters into their own books. I will not be typing up any letters.

At about 7:00 last night I gave Tom his birthday letter and his two pairs of shorts. Thankfully, he really liked them a lot and doesn’t need to get them exchanged.

Since I don’t know how to bake a cake, and it’s too hot for that anyhow, I made up some pudding. He found the candles and put them in the fridge. I stuck them in the pudding.

Well, I guess that’s all for now.

Oh, Tammy got the video. She said it was beautiful, but she felt bad cuz no one was there, but as I told her, that’s what we wanted.

MONDAY, JUNE 27, 1994 Boy, has it been hot! It’s been holding a steady 114º for nearly a week now. The only time it’s comfortable in here is very late at night. That is, till we build the EC that’s going in the back room.

I did a lot of swimming today and so did Tom. He also mowed and worked on the sign program.

We went over and filled out the health insurance forms, too.

Last night I typed Tom up a little birthday letter. I hope to hell I can find candles around here. I don’t know how to bake a cake or care to in this heat. However, I know he loves pudding. I was going to make some up and stick candles in that. They’ll hold. Let me go check to see if I can find any candles.

Later…

Shit. Can’t find any candles around here. I left a home memo for Tom on the VM to let me know if he finds any around here cuz it’s been so hot that I think they should be refrigerated. Of course, I’m not stupid and neither is he, but I can’t find them.

I can’t wait to give him his presents. Those two pairs of shorts. And I hope to hell they fit OK.

In 24 hours, I typed up #38 and #16. Cool, huh? I also typed up letters to Tammy and my parents. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get letters from Bob and Kim. Tomorrow I’ll type them letters, or whenever I get any from them.

We’re expecting lots of stuff in the mail. Our wedding pictures, the ribbons, work for me, and other stuff. I just can’t remember all we’re expecting, but I know there’s more.

Later…

I just went to set the VCR to tape a movie that looks like it oughta be good. I’ve still got a 4-hour movie to watch. That’ll be good for days, or nights for that matter when I’m so incredibly bored.

I don’t think I’ve written about a certain letter I sent to both my parents and Tammy right before we left for Vegas, so I may as well write about it now. In the letter, I mentioned how they’ve helped me financially, were there for me to talk to (especially Tammy), and gave me my dream of Arizona. I said I had one more favor to ask them that was non-material. That is, even though I’m not a rich and famous singer, would they acknowledge me as one in their hearts and minds? Would they put it in writing, I asked, cuz I want to put it in this journal even if their answer isn’t what I want to hear. I haven’t heard about it and I probably never will, but we’ll see.

God, it’s so fucking warm in here! Can’t wait for that other EC!

Andy met that guy Chris. He says he’s not the best-looking guy, but far from the worse and so far they have really hit it off and Andy doesn’t want to judge him only by his looks. Especially cuz he wants a full-time relationship and no longer wants to fling around.

Later…

My hair is so long and so thick. I just wish there was a comfortable bathing cap that would hold all this hair cuz the pool kills it and it’s such a pain.

Boy, Tuesday will be a busy day. We have lots of errands and still lots of things we need and want to do.

I can’t wait till we build Piggy’s cage. I’ve always wanted and thought how neat that’d be to have for every single guinea pig I have ever had. He’ll love it too, I’m sure.

I really hope I get mail tomorrow. I am so anxious for the ribbons to get here. I’m going to have so much fun making all kinds of pictures for my bedroom walls. It’s about time, too. My walls have been the same ever since I moved in here, so they could use a change and a new look.

As of today, I’ve been doing journals for 6 years and 8 months. That’s a long fucking time!

I keep forgetting to read Tom Fran’s letter to Sabrina. Maybe I’ll do that on his birthday on Tuesday.

His parents sent him a check for $37. A dollar for every year. I guess that’s what they do with all the kids every year.

I am so hungry now, so I’m going to break for a bite to eat, then return.

Later…

Yuck! That macaroni and cheese from KFC tasted like shit, then the bottom of the Styrofoam cup it was in fell off, too.

Piggy looks so hot. I’ll bet he is wearing all that fur. I just put the blue ice in. It’s not really ice, though, just this blue plastic thing from the freezer that Tom told me about.

SUNDAY, JUNE 26, 1994 Shortly after 3 PM, Marla, her son, and Andy got here. Timothy was surprisingly calm, obedient, and non-destructive.

Poor Marla’s humongous, but her face and hair look better than the last time I saw her.

During the wedding video playback, Andy was the only one who watched it entirely as Marla was busy bombarding Tom with countless computer-related queries. Andy concurred that both Tom and I appeared larger on video. I have always believed that video makes everyone appear larger unless they’re bone thin.

It was so funny cuz Marla was saying how she used to babysit all of us kids but I was too young to remember. I was barely 2 years old. Marla’s 44, so there’s a huge age difference. She said rather than my mom asking, she’d call up demanding that she babysit us. She said she felt so bad for us kids and seeing mom treat the dogs like gold and us like dirt. She said it took a whole 24 hours or so to get us laughing and that she’d constantly try to praise us and compliment us. She said Ma treated me differently when I was very little cuz she supposedly felt guilty about my ear. Well, she certainly didn’t treat me any differently or any better when I got older. She said she couldn’t stand babysitting us and had to stop cuz she felt so bad for us all.

Andy said Marla said I looked the best she’s ever seen and says I’m in great shape. That’s cool.

Tom did a lot of work on his car today but I guess there’s more work to be done on it to pass emissions.

We discussed building a huge cage for Piggy. One with split levels and places for him to hide. He’d love a huge cage like that.

Gloria was on the American Bandstand, but I haven’t seen it yet, cuz I’m now using that tape to record a 4-hour movie.

Did I mention that Tammy still hasn’t gotten the tape?! What the fuck’s taking so long? I hope she gets it Monday.

SATURDAY, JUNE 25, 1994 I got up at 11:30 today and shortly after noon, Andy called. Andy, Marla and her son will be over soon. I sure hope they’re not here long and that Timothy doesn’t destroy this place. Andy says he’s been pretty good and that he’ll keep a constant eye on him. I hope so, cuz that’s what Kara used to say.

I wonder what’s going on with Kara these days. Did she try to become a cop? Is she in Arizona or did she go back to Michigan?

Later…

Andy just called and they’re going to be an hour late and not get here till 3:00. At 4:40 she’s got to be at the airport. They’ll probably be here for about an hour.

I think I’ll go do some typing now of journal #10, which I began last night.

I’m down to 100 pounds from 104 pounds, so that’s good.

Oh, Tom turned on the mister that’s out on the back patio. It’s really nice and very refreshing. I’ll probably go skinny-dipping tonight at 8:00 when all the bees are gone.

Later…

Andy just called and they’re leaving in 5 minutes, so they’ll be here in 20 minutes.

I just did lots of typing, and God only knows what I’m going to do after they leave. Tom’s going to work on his car and I’ll probably type and listen to music till I go swimming.

We’ve been too busy to fool around and my appetite’s gone up a little, but that’s cuz I’m about 9 days away from my next curse. I’ve been taking care of myself and I can continue to do so till we have more time.

I didn’t get any mail today or Thurs. and Fri. Tammy still hasn’t gotten the tape of our wedding. I hope she gets it soon. Maybe today Nervous got all of Fran’s letters which I mailed him.

I hope Andy and Marla don’t laugh too hard over the video. I’m not in the mood to be embarrassed, even though you get used to it.

What else can I say till their arrival? Nothing, I guess.

FRIDAY, JUNE 24, 1994 Not much happened today, other than the fact that it was incredibly hot. I got 3 letters from Kim and 2 from Bob.

Andy drove over with some money he owed me, and in the car were Marla and her 1-year-old son Timothy who he’d just picked up at the airport. I ran out to the car to get my money and to show Andy the shirt and necklaces I got in Vegas.

Thank fucking God we’re not living in apartments that are connected. They’re all the same out here. Even if I lived next door to where he is now, I’d easily feel his elephant walk.

So, what did I get last night at the mall? Well, I went into a store where everything’s a buck. I got a pearl necklace with a diamond-like stone in a gold-plated oval shape. A pearly hair clip and a silver barrette that’s hard to describe. I also got a $10 skirt (cotton with little flowers) and a blue tank top with a zipper in front for $7.

Lastly, I bought Tom two pairs of shorts for his birthday. One of cotton that’s black, and a blue silk pair. I sure hope they fit and that he likes them.

That night Andy gave me Sabrina’s letters and she and I wrote to him today. He put 2 letters in 1 envelope and a card. Bob has never ever mentioned getting Andy’s letter. He said he never got the letter I sent to an inmate, either. Are those fucking guards, who think they’re God, playing games? Bob says one of them’s running around telling people what he’s in for. Yeah, I believe that.

Males! I love Tom, but I still can’t stand males in general. They’re liars, bullies, and sluts. Although, if I’d been able to get all the women I wanted, once upon a time, I’d have been a slut, too.

Guess I’ll go finish my coffee, then try to sleep. If I can’t sleep, I’ll be back to write more of whatever.

Later…

Actually, I don’t really feel like going to bed yet, so what shall I write about? Well, Fran called 3 times asking about Sabrina. What else is new with him, huh? I died laughing when he said he wanted to marry Sabrina and he asked her if she’d have his child. How can anyone be so desperate as to ask someone they’ve never met to marry them and have their child?

I also got a kick out of his description of the temperatures. He said it goes from “20% to 110%.”

Nervo and Crystal oughta get a royal kick out of his letters. If they read them, and I really hope to hell they do.

I finished typing up #9 and tomorrow I’ll start #10.

So, what’s going on with the package of jewelry Ma said she mailed? And the dishwasher? I know Andy can’t get us anything cuz he’s broke, but I understand that. Plus, he just had to get his brother Gary a b-day present back in MA.

Fran says that anytime from now till Oct. he’ll be moving to Chicopee. Why is he going to move there? What the hell’s in Chicopee for the guy?

I asked him if he’s run into Nervous, but he says no.

Later…

Today’s been a stressful day. First, it was a fucking sauna in here and there’s not much we can do to fix it right now. Poor Tom had a million errands to do as well as to put an up duct in my room and work on his car.

Lastly, about 10 minutes ago, Andy surprised us with a visit with Marla and her son. I hate that and Tom does, too. They’re stopping by tomorrow afternoon, too. They want to see the wedding video. Marla wants to see the house and meet Tom, but she already did a little while ago.

Tammy hasn’t gotten the video yet, but I called Dad and they both said it was very beautiful. Dad said I didn’t look any bigger. Thank God I don’t!

Tom also picked up our rings today and at first, I thought I’d have to bring mine back. It’s a 4¼ and I thought I’d have to get a 4½ cuz it was so tight. It feels more comfortable now. I guess I just had to get used to it.

Later…

I just opened all the files to journals 1-9 and got all the statistics on it. Norah’s story, too.

Tom showed me today that the floppy disk I’m using holds 1.4 megabytes and I’ve used ¾ of it already! When I called Tammy, I said, “Three-quarters of a megabyte!”

She said, “What?”

I said, “I thought you knew a lot about computers.”

She said, “Yeah, right!”

Well, I thought she’d know all about what I was talking about, but since she didn’t I explained it all to her. I told her I typed 9 journals and a story.

THURSDAY, JUNE 23, 1994 Another lovely letter from Fran to Sabrina! It’s 6-7 pages and funny as all hell. I just copied it and I’ll be sending the original copy to Nervous. Crystal still lives there. The other day I figured - what the hell, and called him. He answered and was all set to talk to me till she screamed, “Hang up!” She sure has him wrapped around her finger.

I do have more to write about, such as what I got Tom for his b-day at the mall. I went with Andy. However, I’m really getting tired, so I’ll write another time.

TUESDAY, JUNE 21, 1994 Today and yesterday I mailed 3 envelopes off with forms for home office work. I hope at least one of them amounts to any good.

Last night Andy read me 3 letters to Sabrina that came in 1 envelope. They were hysterical, as usual. When we get together tomorrow night, he’ll give them to me. I hope nothing gets in the way of him picking me up tomorrow, as he’s doing me a huge and important favor.

Tom’s b-day is on the 28th, so I’ll be getting him God knows what.

I finished typing up my story till up to this book. I figure that every 5 journals or so I’ll update it, adding it to its document on the computer. I’ve also printed it out, but I won’t print out any journal stuff. I have 37 pages of it printed. A lot, huh?

Larry called yesterday from a truck stop in Ohio and said maybe he and Larry could come here sometime this summer. He admitted to having numerous affairs, which I figured. He says he doesn’t do it anymore, but I doubt that even though I couldn't care less. He congratulated me on getting married and then shocked me by saying he always knew I’d succeed in life. How nice. He tells me that my niece Jenny is into all types of dancing, mainly ballet, and will be taking up the flute. That’s cool.

When I casually mentioned Tammy and said how bad I felt for her, he said, “Yeah, I do too, but shit happens. There’s nothing I can do for her.”

He said he was on his way to CT, then on home to MA for a while.

I called Tammy after we hung up, knowing she won’t tell anyone and was beyond getting mad or hurt, and told her of my talk with Larry. She said, “Fine! Fuck it then! I’ve gone for 9 years, so I’ll go another 9 years.” I reminded her she’ll always have a sister and has been compensated with a brother-in-law.

Now I’m going to go do more typing on #9.

MONDAY, JUNE 20, 1994 On the 14th, the day we were to leave, Tom went and took some money out of my account. When he came home he was wondering if I called SS and SSI to appeal my case. Well, I didn’t, but both checks were there for June 1st and 3rd. What a lovely wedding present from the government. It is nice to see that after all those years of them fucking up on me in a bad way, they’ve finally fucked up on me in a good way. They owe it to me and if they try demanding any of it back, they ain’t getting it. Their letters to me did not come certified and I didn’t appeal regardless of that, so it’s their own mistake which I’m not paying for.

Andy was laughing at how I used the government’s money to gamble. Yup, I sure did.

I hope they screw up again in July, and it’s a good thing I didn’t go run and close my account.

We got new videotapes and I finally learned how to video edit! Tom and Andy were right. It is easy.

SUNDAY, JUNE 19, 1994 Boy oh boy, do I have lots and lots of catching up to do in this book! OK, I just looked back at the last entry to see where I left off. I forgot to say that we were lucky enough to be on the top floor (the 28th), and what a view of the castle! We gambled every day and it was sooo much fun, even though we lost about $300. There were thousands of slot machines. They all had so many different designs on them. My favorite slot machine was called Casino Night. It won me 200 quarters 3 times! Lots of 20s, 10s and 4s, too, but like I said, I ended up losing it all. Sometimes we played together and other times we separated. We both only played the slot machines. We didn’t gamble with other people like in blackjack or other games. Some machines didn’t pay off that much, and others had a huge progressive jackpot.

We arrived there at 9 PM, so we weren’t up long. Just long enough to do a little gambling and see some shops and eat dinner. We got up at 6 AM the next morning and went to a really nice breakfast buffet. It was the 15th, of course, the day of the wedding. We pretty much gambled till 2:30 when the limo driver came to pick us up at the hotel. He took us to the courthouse to get the marriage license. First time in a very long time with me being in a courthouse where I wasn’t in any trouble. The clerk there asked me if “Lin” was spelled right. I was like, no! I don’t know how to spell my own middle name.

On the way to the Las Vegas Garden Wedding Chapel, I saw the famous lighted cowgirl and cowboy. So, at the wedding chapel, which was gorgeous, I wasn’t at all nervous till the ceremony started. I wore that royal blue tank top/shorts (1 piece) that looks like it’s a skirt, my black pumps, the earrings Ma sent me and one of the beautiful necklaces I bought. I had my hair down and wore makeup.

Tom wore black sneakers only because they were black so you couldn’t see them in detail, so it didn’t look funny. Also, black slacks and his new light blue dress shirt we got him before we left.

I had a bouquet of silk flowers instead of real ones. That’s better cuz real ones would die off in a day and bother my allergies.

The minister went over the ceremony with us first and we let him know we wanted a civil one and not a religious one. Also, no saying that I agree to “obey” him.

So, they took pictures and videotaped the little ceremony we had. I’m sending my sister and parents a copy, but I’m so embarrassed! Tom, on the other hand, looked great and was so calm. I was shaking like Nervous and looked so bow-legged and so chunky.

I hope the pictures come out well. Today Tom got video mailers, so I’ll mail them their copies tomorrow. And also, I’m sending Kim back her two tapes of those funny answering machine messages.

So anyway, after the wedding, we got back to the hotel at 4 PM and called Tammy and my parents. They were very happy for us. Then, we fooled around for an hour or so, then we went to an old-fashioned and ugly place for prime rib dinners. The prime rib was great, though. After dinner, we gambled till we crashed which was early. At 4 AM Tom woke me up when he turned the light on in the bathroom. I was beat, but I got up anyway.

We went for breakfast across the way at the MGM Grand, and oh my God! That place was awesome, even though it was dead. Tom said he went to other nearby hotels/casinos without me and they were also dead. At the MGM there was a huge display of Dorothy and The Wizard of Oz and all the other characters with props that go with the movie. There were also lasers and a sound machine that made thunder and lightning. The next time we go there, we’d maybe like to stay at the MGM Grand, The Pyramid, Luxor, Tropicana, or wherever.

Anyway, it was just all so gorgeous inside and outside. I really wished we had a camera, but we hope to the next time around. If they blew Phoenix off the map, I’d definitely move to Vegas.

The pen I’m now writing with came from the room. I got other little things here and there too, from the room. Cups, a pad, soap, lotion, etc.

So our last day there, the 16th, we pretty much gambled till we left for the airport. We got back to the house at 11 PM, and yes, Tom carried me over the threshold. Almost forgot, though.

When I got back there were 3 letters from Bob. One had a letter from his friend Brian in it. It was nice, and I wrote them both back. I got 2-3 more letters from him (Bob) over the next two days as well.

I called Tammy and my parents. Dad has the Father’s Day banner across their entertainment center. Cool. I wasn’t sure if he’d like it. He said Larry tried calling but got no answer. Oh well, he’ll try again I’m sure. I talked to Andy too, of course.

I tried to take an NPN envelope, put his name over the address on it and send it to him, but I guess he never got it. I don’t think Bob got Andy’s letter or a few I sent him, and Andy says he’s gotten no letters yet for Sabrina.

Andy didn’t come over while we were away, but the mail was fine and so was Piggy.

I wrote to Tammy, my parents, Fran, Bob, Kim and that guy Brian. In the hotel room, there were 3 pieces of stationary and 3 envelopes, so I sent 1 to Tammy & Bill, mom & dad and Andy. The second day I mailed postcards to Andy, Kim, Bob, Fran, my parents, Tammy & Bill and 1 for the girls.

Mom and dad mentioned sending us a portable dishwasher, but I haven’t heard anything about it yet, so we’ll just have to wait and see. I think she said something about sending jewelry, too.

Oh! I forgot to mention a few other things. I got a tie-dye shirt with fringes on it that says, Excalibur Hotel/Casino/Las Vegas. I also got a really nice barrette with colored glass stones in it and 3 necklaces. One has gold with colored glass stones, another has colored beads on a black string, and the last one has one dice on a black string.

When we got back and went food shopping, I wore the shirt and the dice necklace. I’m sure everyone could tell I’d just been in Vegas.

I realized a very stupid mistake I’ve been making all my life and a million times throughout my journals. That is that I’ve been spelling Los Angeles as Las Angeles, and I of all people should’ve known better. It only makes sense since Angeles ends with a masculine tense, and therefore it has to be Los and not Las.

Later…

I just got off the phone with Andy a little while ago who may have a promising relationship with a guy named Chris.

Anyway, now I can update on all that’s happened since returning from Never Never Land. First of all, it’s the other way around now, Tom’s been pretty horny and I haven’t. I’m sure I’ll pick up my appetite, though, as it comes and goes. I only hope it doesn’t pick up when his is down.

I just took BOL #10 and put in the ticket that they put on my luggage in CT when I came here, my Vegas ticket and both of our boarding passes.

The whole trip went great as far as my asthma. Also, we had no fights. We haven’t had any for a while, which is very nice. The only thing I felt the bulk of the time in Vegas was tired. Very tired. When we got back we crashed within two hours.

From Thursday to today, we swam, barbecued, went food shopping, did computer work and other odds and ends around here. He picked up plastic office folder files to sort out papers which we did. We went through all the mail I got for at-home work and tomorrow I’ll be sending one out.

He got a couple of computer books and a $50 portable CD/cassette player, so we can listen to CDs in other rooms.

We sent away for colored ribbons which will be a lot cheaper. I ordered 50 stamps through the mail.

THURSDAY, JUNE 16, 1994 Hey, I’m in Vegas!!! I am so overwhelmed with this place and all that’s gone on here. Where do I start? I guess I should start at the beginning. The whole thing will take many pages and I may not finish till after I return to Phoenix.

Later…

I stopped writing up above cuz Tom had come into the room and then we went off to do things all day.

In an hour we’re leaving for the airport. I guess now is a good time to start writing all about my fairytale trip. Andy picked us up and brought us to the airport. He gave me 4 quarters to gamble with.

At the airport, I was pretty emotional for two reasons. One’s that it was a wonderful trip down memory lane. The other’s cuz another childhood dream was about to come true. The airport was pretty dead and the flight was, too. I got a window seat and it was great flying. The shortest flight of my life, though, that’s for sure.

When we got to the airport we came to this hotel, The Ex-Caliber, with 4 other people in a limo. You check in on the 1st floor where all the casinos and slot machines are. All the bright lights were like - wow! Finally, everything that was just a fantasy was a reality. All those things I only saw in visions, magazines, and on TV, I was seeing in person. We came right up to the room which was actually kind of ugly, but suitable enough for us. The bathroom’s big. The building and uniforms of the people who work here are ugly. They’re all in a medieval theme.

TUESDAY, JUNE 14, 1994 Well, today's the day! We'll be in Vegas in about 14-15 hours! I will be very very tired, though. I've been up since 11:15 last night. I have lots and lots to write about, but I'll probably save it for the trip. I'm gonna spend most of the day laying down and I'm gonna go do that now.

SUNDAY, JUNE 12, 1994 God answered my prayers (I think) once again. Yesterday I slept from 1 PM - 8 PM. Miraculously, but thankfully I fell asleep at 11:30 last night and slept till 3:15 AM. This gives me the gusto to go out today. We’ll be leaving real soon to go look at rings and do some other shopping. I’ll write about that after we return from wherever.

I saw that 4-hour movie. She looked great. There were only a few scenes where her hair looked pitiful and she wore these geeky hats. For the most part, her hair and face looked really hot. Her hair was a few inches below her shoulders. Her clothes were very conservative, though. Can’t wait to print out pictures from this movie.

Tom and I went swimming. We also called Tammy who congratulated Tom, welcomed him to the family and said she loved him to death, even though she’s never met him.

Right before we go, I’m going to shave and do my nails. My nails need serious filing and polishing. We have ideas about what we’re going to wear. Tom will probably wear his black slacks and we’ll get him a shirt today. I’ll probably wear my all royal blue, tank top/shorts thing that looks like it’s really a skirt cuz it’s fuller from the waist down. The top has spaghetti straps. It’s my favorite that I bought when I was working at Favors.

SATURDAY, JUNE 11, 1994 Only about 14 more hours to go before I see that 4-hour movie. Or tape it, at least. I sure hope her hair’s not as short in this one as it was in Magic Moments.

Got one Bob letter today and that’s about all that’s happening right now. I’m going to go do more typing.

Later…

Tom just got up a little while ago and we just put stuff in the pool to kill algae. The water was turning green.

I also took that plant clipping I cut to root inside. The water won’t evaporate as quickly in here. It’s in the same cup in the living room window.

Tom doesn’t usually work on Saturdays, but he’s going in today for some overtime. He’ll be home at 4:00 or 5:00, rather than close to 7:00.

I’ve got a tape ready to record that movie. I really wish I could get every movie she was ever in and edit with two VCRs like Andy does. Both he and Tom say it’s easy. If I could do it, I edit out everyone else, run her altogether, cuz it’d be a whole lot easier to print pictures out that way. I’m also hoping The Guardian will be on again soon enough, so I can tape it, cuz the tape I bought of it has missing parts that were on TV.

So, how many letters will I get today?

Did I mention I made a 5-page banner for my dad? It says - Happy Father’s Day, With Love, From Jodi Lin. I hope he likes it. I’ll send it out Monday.

Yes, they’ve definitely gone to Idaho next door. It’s been so quiet and so peaceful here. So much more so and I love it. It’s as quiet as it was when I first started hanging out here last July. Mid-May to mid-September oughta be the quietest. I wish the weather was like it is from June-August, all year round. Next winter, though, come to think of it, will be much quieter. I mean, it should be, and I’ll write why it should be after I go grab a smoke.

Later…

Well, I did more than grab a smoke. I tried to call Tammy, but there was no answer. I did talk to Ma, though, and she said to call collect from Vegas when we’re married. She’s also sending me some jewelry and wants a picture of us she can frame.

OK - so why do I feel next winter will be quieter? Cuz the heavy metaller oughta be gone, and if not, he won’t be playing so loud since we had our little talk. Also, next door was the noisiest when they moved in, so since they’re all moved in, they should be quieter. I know, though, that from September-May there’ll be some ball playing and noise out back when they’ve got their door open. It’d still be nice if they decided to up and leave and an elderly couple with no kids, grandkids and very little company moved in. Or a guy like Tom or a woman like me. Anyone who hates kids and company. Dean, next door, is from here. Thank God Lenore’s not from here, cuz then where would she and the kids go?

Lastly, I have the fan as a wonderful weapon against being woken up. Just the mail going in the mail slot alone would wake me up with no fan. I definitely don’t miss sleeping with the radio on. Certain commercials can wake me up. Plus, I used to hate trying to fall asleep to either commercials or songs I didn’t like.

Wow! I’m already halfway through this book and I began it only 12 days ago. Let’s see… what else can I write about? I am in a writing mood, but I’m running out of things to discuss. Well, my period’s over. Lucky me.

I watched Halloween 5 which I taped. It was so-so. I’ve seen so many of those movies now that they’re so predictable and boring. Like eating the same food and wearing the same clothes every day.

I saw on 20/20 a segment on cosmetic tattooing. Now if I had the money, knew I’d like the results, and would have no allergic reactions, I’d love to have that done. It’d be great to have makeup forever that never smudges or fades.

No messages from Andy. Wonder what he’s up to? Did he get Sabrina’s letter yet? I worked on his letter last night, but I won’t do any more of it till we get a color ribbon and I start printing out stuff.

Well, I guess that’s all for now. It’s coffee time now.

Later…

Rather than get any coffee yet, I was playing with the pig. I swing my hand real fast and it gets him to jump, just like it used to do with my cat. Yup, he’s a playful one. When I take him outside and sit him down next to me, he jumps up on my lap.

Another thing I like about these kinds of pens is that I can look and see how much ink there is left.

I’m going to go set the timer on the VCR before I forget.

FRIDAY, JUNE 10, 1994 Not much to update on now.

Got 3 Bob letters today and now I’m going to go continue typing my story.

So far I have about 200 letters in all. 125 from Bob, 4 from Mom, 4 from Lisa, 5 from Alex, 52 from Kim, 7 from Dad, 2 from Fran, 10 from Andy, 10 from Tammy, and 1 each from Nervous, Brenda, Brian, Donald, David and Tara.

THURSDAY, JUNE 9, 1994 Yeah! Been here for two years! Well, almost. It’s still “Free Year’s Eve.” It’s almost 5 AM ET and my flight didn’t leave till 4:30 PM. I arrived here at 10:30 PM which was 7:30 PM ET.

Got a letter yesterday from Alex. How funny, cuz the night before, I was wondering if I’d ever hear from him again.

I’m also happy to say that I scanned the hell out of next week’s TV guide and Sat. Norah will be in another 4-hour movie called Hold the Dream. That movie A Woman of Substance was a 6-hour movie, I noticed.

So now I know of 6 movies she’s in. The Guardian, Hold The Dream, Nates & Hayes, Magic Moments, A Woman of Substance and Local Hero. I’ve only seen all of #’s 1 and 3. Seen 1 hour of #4. Will see all of #2. Hope to hell I eventually see all of #’s 4, 5 and 6. And anything else that may exist with her in it.

Tom asked me to type up my stories so he doesn’t have to keep jumping from journal to journal. How sweet of him. Well, I guess I may as well go start that now. I looked back through my journals and got a pretty good idea of where it starts.

Later…

Tom’s up now working on the computer till it’s time for him to shower and take off for work.

I made two sandwiches for him right before he got up.

Last night I had to wake him up. Supposedly it was only a baby, but it was still a huge spider I spotted on the living room ceiling. They come in at night through the front door. When we bombed we never really took care of the outside. After Tom leaves I’m going to spray the hell out of the front and back doors. I’ll go outside, close the door behind me and spray like hell.

I also have to call for a refill on my inhalers.

I began typing up my story. I’m glad Tom suggested it after all. This allows me to be able to touch up things, change things, add things. It begins in #58 and is also in #’s 60, 61, 62, 64, 66 & 67.

The weather line says today it’ll be 106º, then for Sat. and Sun. it will be 105º.

Since I got no letters yesterday from Bob and Kim, I may very well get mail from them today. From Bob especially.

I wonder if I’ll ever hear from Cassandra?

Andy hasn’t mentioned getting a letter yet from Fran to Sabrina.

Fran tried to call collect 4 times yesterday, I heard on the VM. I’ll never accept a collect call from him. I called him back, and it was his usual paranoia about Sabrina dumping him. The boy is so fucked. Anyway, I know he’s losing his phone real soon, but I’ll never talk again to him by phone unless he calls me. Calls direct. I hope he does lose his phone fast enough. That oughta make him write more. It’ll spin-off his paranoia some more, so he’ll want to write.

I really haven’t been working on Andy’s letter lately. Only once when I first began it. I really wanted to wait till I got that color ribbon and printed out pictures first.

I was out back a little while ago and the pool water feels warmer than the air. I wonder what the deal is with the Jacuzzi thermometer? I can’t even read it. It’s all yellowish.

I am starting to get so tired now, but I have to stay up till at least 8:30 to call in my refills. Actually, I really want to stay up as late as I can. Bye for now.

Later…

Tom’s in the shower now and I am sooo dead tired. Already?! Well, then again, I’ve been up since 3:30 yesterday afternoon and I had only slept 6 hours. Then I got my period.

Yuck! I see cobwebs on my lampshade. I’d better go take care of it before it builds up into a really serious mess that I know I’m not going to want to deal with.

Going to go listen to music after that and I’ll probably write again tomorrow. I’m too beat to do any more right now. Plus, I can’t think of anything else to say right now.

Be back tomorrow!

TUESDAY, JUNE 7, 1994 Gloria’s going on the Arsenio Hall show now, so I’m taping it.

Boy, was I pissed yesterday! I was browsing through the TV guide and noticed I missed another movie with Norah in it. Tom said not to worry though, cuz this movie is on a lot and it should be repeated within a month. Let’s hope so. In the meantime, every new TV guide we get, I’ll thoroughly check.

I can’t fucking wait till we go to Vegas! The tickets came today. Delta Airlines. Same one I flew out here on.

I typed letters to Kim and Bob and soon I’ll do one for Fran. After Sabrina gets her letter.

Still no messages on Prodigy from Tammy or Marla.

Tom barbecued hamburgers and hotdogs for us earlier. They came out yummy.

Did I mention that I edited Norah? Well, I did.

Got my period tonight, two days early, but it’s not really a period yet. Just dark spotting.

Let’s see…what else can I tell you that I’ve forgotten to tell? Nothing I can think of, so I guess I’ll do some editing or typing. Or both.

Oh yeah - Tom got Andy a spare key. So, if he wants to, he can check on Piggy while we’re gone and make sure the mail doesn’t get all jammed up. This time, though, I hope Andy doesn’t leave his key in the Glendale library.

MONDAY, JUNE 6, 1994 Lots of things happened today. Mom and dad called and Larry was there too, so we spoke.

Today’s Ma’s b-day and she says she got my card and not to bother calling tomorrow cuz she’ll be out.

I finally got to meet Tom’s parents today. They were very nice and Marjorie even gave me a beautiful plant that I hung up out back.

Earlier I recorded that 1-hour of the movie Magic Moments and The Guardian onto an audiotape. I edited most of it and it sounds pretty cool.

I’ve got more to write about, but I’m sort of beat. I’ll write tomorrow and expand on more subjects. For now, I’m going to try to go to bed.

SUNDAY, JUNE 5, 1994 Not that much happened yesterday, but both Fran and Andy got letters from Bob. Andy read me the 6-page letter he’s sending Bob. I doubt Fran will write Bob back, but he asked me to ask Bob if he knows a Dennis C who’s supposedly in some jail on a drug charge. Fran also told me that Sabrina’s about to get her 2nd letter.

I swam today. Tom swam a bit too, and brought over a grill from his parent’s house.

Tom and I began to film the signing video and we had some fun, too.

I discovered another movie Norah’s in called Magic Moments. I only could tape an hour of it so I hope it’ll be on again soon. Tomorrow I’ll also tape her in Nates & Hayes, an incredibly stupid movie, but why not? I hope The Guardian comes on again soon so I can tape it to get parts taken out of the unedited one. Her hair was way too short in Magic Moments. Shorter than I’d ever seen it before, just barely touching her shoulders. In The Guardian, it’s just below her shoulders and in Nates & Hayes, it’s almost to the middle of her back. I wonder what other movies are still out there that I don’t know about yet?

Well, anyway, I can’t sleep yet, so I’ll go watch TV.

Oh - almost forgot. Got a letter from Kim and one from Bob. Today I began BOL #10!

FRIDAY, JUNE 3, 1994 I watched a little TV just now and now I think I will do some editing after all. I listened to music and did the dishes, too. It’s nice to know we’ll have a dishwasher in less than a month.

I just had to stick some Ambosol on my back lower wisdom tooth. On the side that was never pulled. It hurt when I went to eat a piece of bread and it’s throbbing. I sure hope I won’t have to deal with that now.

So, is all this exercise paying off? No. I’m up to a 26” waist again and 103-104 pounds. I give up. I really feel my thin days are over. I’m just not meant to be thin anymore and I’m tired of trying to change myself. Tired of trying to be what I’m not and it just isn’t in me to work out for hours and hours every day. I feel that for some reason or another, I’m meant to get fat. Why? I don’t know, but right after I eat, I feel like I’m still hungry and haven’t eaten in years. To hell with trying to stay thin. It’s just too hard and I can’t change what’s fated to be. I expect to be no less than 110 by September 1st. It’s like my weight is just crying and begging to go up, so I’m letting it go now. It’s free to go wherever it wants. At my height 104 looks like 114, but I can’t hang on anymore and keep my weight where it is now. I can’t keep pressuring myself and trying to be what my body just isn’t.

Later…

Tom got home early today. He’s watching basketball now and later we’re going to have some fun.

We think they have gone to Idaho cuz the van hasn’t been there. Only one car. Any kids I’ve heard have been few and far between and they’re definitely not next door. Well, if they truly have gone, good riddance to them for a few months.

Kim called at 3 PM or so, saying she got a letter from Bob with a warning. A warning letter she’s keeping, in case she ever has to show it to the police to show he’s not involved. I guess they’re going to be making some changes there that have the inmates upset. He was afraid there might be a riot. We’ll just have to wait and see and Kim’s going to be seeing him real soon. Tom said that in minimum security prisons, there usually aren’t any riots. Let’s hope he’s right, and he usually is.

I saw a really weird-looking cloud earlier that looked like a mini funnel cloud.

I guess that’s all for now. I’ll be doing my usual stuff tonight. You know, music, TV, and typing.

Later…

Tom’s watching the end of the basketball game.

I forgot to mention calling Becky today who’s 7. Bill answered at first and thought I was Sue, Tammy’s girlfriend. No wonder, he sounded so unusually friendly. I don’t think the guy really ever liked me too much, but it’s pretty mutual.

Sarah, I still can’t understand, but Lisa said she didn’t get some solos she tried out for. That happens. It happened to me too.

I’ve got to get my dad a Father’s Day card, among other things we forgot to get at the grocery store. I always forget something.

THURSDAY, JUNE 2, 1994 Tom will be home soon, so I’ll write for now. Someone tried to call while I was shaving, but I didn’t get to the phone in time. They left no message.

Today I vacuumed, folded Tom’s clothes, washed my clothes, made Tom’s bed, watched TV, listened to music, typed, sang, and went swimming.

Got no mail today. That’s all there is to tell for now, I guess. I think now I’m going to write letters to Bob and Kim. Saturday we’ll be getting a black ribbon.

Later…

Tom brought home a new box of computer paper and a new black ribbon. I went to print out a picture, but it came out way too dark. I’ll just wait till we get a color one.

I’m printing out a letter to Kim now and tomorrow I may do one for Fran. I hope to get mail tomorrow so I can finish BOL #9. After Kim’s letter’s done, I’ll go listen to music.

Tomorrow’s Becky’s birthday so I’ll call there at some point.

Later…

I decided not to listen to music right now. I’m feeling bored and lazy, but not yet ready for bed. Let’s see - what shall I do? There’s always editing, but I don’t feel like doing that now, either. Too lazy to work out, too.

Andy and Sarah left me a message earlier, but I’m sure Andy’s asleep now. If not, he must be close to it.

You can really see some good color coming out on me. None of it’s from lying out, either. Tom was right when he said the best way to do it is slowly, little by little. I have no sun poisoning, either.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1, 1994 Today was a typical day around here. Tom worked. I swam, listened to music and watched TV. I also finished typing #6 and now I’m doing #8.

I just trimmed my bangs and did a good job. It’s a wee bit too short, but that’s OK cuz my hair grows so fast. Especially my bangs.

No mail today, but hopefully tomorrow so I can close out BOL #9.

I’m about to write letters to Kim and Bob. The ribbon in the printer is screwed up, so Saturday we’ll get a new one. Last night I reprinted my journal chart bigger cuz I wanted to be able to see it from the bed. I filled in the blind spot.

Earlier today, I received a children’s magazine using a fake name. I suspect it was a gift from Andy. The magazine is offering over 150 stickers for free upon subscription, so I decided to fill out the form and selected the “bill me” option. I am hopeful that the stickers will arrive as promised, and I can use them to decorate various items.

I don’t know if I’m forgetting to write something in here, but if I am, I’ll write it in later. Now I want to start a letter before my movie is done taping in half an hour.

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waywardsalt · 1 year ago

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gonna ramble a lil bit abt loz au stuff so uhhhh

okokokokok. i cant go tooooo indepth abt bellum atm (iykyk) but im gonna. talk abt linebeck stuff specifically within au stuff bc hes fun to play with in aus esp since i hold the belief that he would be a bit different in aus on account of them tending to be very drastically different from canon. ofc the au set in space with hi tech and space travel and his backstory being that [REDACTED]. dw abt the space au idk if ill even get around to spilling the beans on that one any time soon lmao

like ok i have a whole bunch of aus and linebeck teeeends to play a major role in a lot of those aus bc Of Course and bc i think hes interesting

anyways heres the list of aus (took me ages to find this in my archive) but like. it is fun to experiment and be like ok how would this character act in work in x setting with y circumstances and z goals. theres a lil bit of nudging/shoving out of character w/ linebeck in some of these that im trying to wrangle back under control while keeping the story intact while some are fine cuz its like. vastly difference circumstances understandable. gotta keep some staples the same tho

like… without spoiling too much about any of these, crimson king au linebeck is like… hes similar to canon personality wise, if a bit more ruthless, while space au linebeck is just. Out There with some of that same greed and jumpiness, gimmick au linebeck is very much the same but with loftier ambitions and more of a willingness to risk getting hurt for something, in the modern au(s) hes going to be a bit different due to. well. technology going through full schooling meeting different people.

a lot of the fun differences are best expressed through how he fights or what kinds of conflicts he comes into contact with, and i usually try to think to myself how canon linebeck might prefer to fight and then somewhat sticking to that idea while branching out to fit circumstances and setting. crimson king au has him using a pair of knives and fighting in a style that keeps him dodging and moving quickly and aiming to dispatch as quickly as possible. space au linebeck is first and foremost a sniper, with some ‘fights like a cornered animal’ flavoring tossed in. gimmick au linebeck has to learn to fight, but fights dirty and takes every advantage and cheat he can find.

its fun to tinker with his relationships with returning characters too. i have a lot of wiggle room with his relationship with bellum, but i always like to root it in the idea that bellum finds him interesting and ends up being some form of beneficiary due to circumstances. it’s interesting with link, too, they’re usually close or grow to be close, kind of sticking with the idea that they make a good team, in the crimson king au theyre adoptive brothers, in space au theres a sort of (one-sided) rivalry going on, gimmick au is uh… complicated so its fun, in a few aus like the modern or… one of the ruined hyrules they only know each other in passing, and in some theyve never met before. other characters that are fun to play with are zelda, ranging from being enemies to close friends, ganondorf, extremes being an au literally centered around ganonbeck and then an au where they are enemies in a sense, midna is fun to play with, so is ghirahim, it’s fun to see how his relationship with other characters can be taken in different aus

the different designs are also a lot of fun, but theres not a ton i can say here (some aus hes pretty much the same as canon, but a few have him with alternate designs, or both. his space au design is prob my favorite lol. that au is fun)

a few times i have to forcibly put him in a background spot or smth so i cant constantly focus on him while hes still important (murder mystery au is a good example, hes important but not generally to the larger plot, hes kinda just a character who ends up somewhat helping in investigation, other examples being the amnesia link au where hes [REDACTED] and therefore not present for like. half of the story, or the gimmick au, where he has his own stuff to do apart from link and co, or the general modern one, where that one is generally meant to have a larger cast so i. just cant focus on him lol)

au stuff is fun with linebeck i get to put him into highly varied and highly specific Situations

#i may delete this later bc this is specifically to get my mind off of things #salty talks #no tags this post itself is basically a ‘formal’ tag rant

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azurexsnake · 2 years ago

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And to tack onto this, I looks so deeply into characters for my writing. Characters like Knives are a huge departure for me, and I’m hyperfixated on Trigun rn, so I’m talking about him a lot.

My writing is pretty much solely reader-insert, my biggest goal being I want to take people reading my work to that world. I want it to accurately emulate that experience. And that pretty much always means giving my readers bonds with the characters in that world. People can create completely OC experiences and that’s awesome, but that’s just not what I do.

So if I want to succeed in creating those realistic bonds, I have to understand the characters in-depth themselves. Like that’s vital. I leave myself some wiggle room, yea, cuz you only see characters interact and react with what’s put in front of them in canon. Anything I write is extrapolation towards an unknown variable: the reader. But that just means I have to look even deeper. My intention a lot of the time is to create a work that would seamlessly fit into the source material. That’s always kind of been my style.

I think a lot. I analyze a lot. I pick things apart a lot. And I try to be as objective about it as possible, to do the source material justice, even if my personal feelings don’t line up. Cuz I don’t want them to impact the standard of quality I hold my work to.

I usually try to keep my random lil thoughts out of the main tags but I’m not gonna rn.

If you don’t like hearing me shit on Millions Knives, block me.

Even if it’s really only his 23 iteration specifically, I can tell you right now that it’s not gonna stop. This is my space to feel how I want about a fabricated amalgamation of facets that elicit several different trigger and trauma responses from me.

To me he is a good character- a great villain. I can respect what he is from a story-telling perspective. The depth of his character is stupid crazy. He is well-made.

But, to me, he’s the worst kind of person and I will talk about it. I will make thoughtful assessments. I will make random hate posts about how he makes me viscerally ill. To me, there is nothing worth looking too deeply into to find likability, because I know I won’t, but I’ll still do it anyway.

Actually, it’s less to find likability and more to try and understand, because someone like him is deeply incomprehensible to me. His character brings out this grotesque fascination in me like watching a spider crawling up your wall would (if you also happen to have a phobia of spiders, idk, work with me here man). It’s gross. It’s yucky. It’s terrifying. But you still want to know how it works. Why does it do what it does? Why does it feel what it feels? That’s Knives to me.

I hate him. I’m not gonna stop hating him, so yea, if all that bothers you, then please do just block me. Thanks ✌🏻

#like writing is a hobby #but I still take it seriously #because I want to be proud of it for myself

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pjwritingblog · 3 years ago

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prompt: the first time you're there for one of bruno's visions.

a/n: holy cow it's my first piece of fic in like three years! be gentle with me lol

"So I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could take a picnic up to the hills, if you like." You suggested it offhand while nuzzling Alfajor, a sandy colored rat.

"I would love that, but um...I've actually gotta do my vision tomorrow." You looked up; Bruno picked at a loose thread of his ruana, looking solomn.

"Oh. Well, can I?-" You took a breath. "Would you like me to be there?"

"Oh! No. Um. That's not...You don't want to see that." This thing with him was fairly new, but growing fast. You didn't need him to tell you he saw you in his future: You wanted him in yours.

"It's not about me, cariño. You say they exhaust you, and can be upsetting...I'd like to be there, to support you." You set Alfajor down and laced your fingers with his, giving them a gentle squeeze.

"Um." He swallowed. "Yeah. Okay. Come over after breakfast?"

"It's a date." You held his hand to yours and kissed it and he blushed, before standing to go. After you kissed him goodbye, you found a basket and started filling it.

It wasn't like Bruno wanted the visions. The passing, flickering glimpses of the future he saw daily were merely possibilities. But the visions? Well, there was a reason the prophecies were slabs of stone. They were fixed. Unbreakable.

He had told you, one day, as you braided flowers into his hair, about when he was 7 or 8, when he started realizing this gift was no blessing, about how he tried to just stop having visions. It started with migraines, they got worse until the pain radiated throughout his body, making him sweat and tremor. An intense pressure in his head, until the vision burst out.

He started to tell you what it felt like when they were uncontrolled, but he started shaking, eyes shining bright, so you silenced him with a soft kiss on his temple.

So now, when he felt the visions coming, he sighed and accepted his fate.

The next morning, you knocked on Bruno's door. He took a long time to answer. His face lit up when he saw you, which made you blush. He ushered you into his room, which you'd been told looked a lot different now than it used to.

"What've you got there?" He gestured to the basket in your hands.

"Just stuff I though you might want." You felt a little foolish now that you were here. "Snacks, those little cakes you like, water bottle, another water bottle, a brush 'cuz I know you like when I brush your hair, an extra blanket, and this-" You held up a small stuffed frog. "Is Fern. He is very good at making you feel bett--Oof!" Bruno enveloped you in a fierce hug.

"Thank you for being here. I can't tell you how much it means." He kissed you sweetly and took Fern from your hands. "So. Come on through." He gestured to the plain wooden door you had always assumed was a closet. Once he opened it, you could see it was a cavernous space lit with a green, bioluminescent sort of glow. "This is where the magic happens. Literally. Its literal magic. You'll want to take off your shoes."

You both left your sandals by the door, and he took your hand as you stepped through the passage and into sand. You smiled and wiggled your toes in it. You had felt it before, it seemed to cling endlessly to Bruno, in his hair, his pockets, but feeling it like this was different. It was soft and fine, with a pearlescent sheen.

"So." He put his hands on your shoulders. "You can be inside, or outside. Outside, it just looks like I'm in a big sand snow globe. Inside, you can see everything I'm seeing. It...can be overwhelming."

"Inside." You answered immediately. "Outside I'd just be worrying about you."

"Alright. C'mere." He sits you down in the center of the pit before walking to the far edge of the room, where some baskets were sitting. He withdrew a small camp-style torch and a bowl of sharp-smelling leaves. He lit the stove, and made a few small piles of leaves. "The smoke gets in your eyes." He warned before sitting next to you, lighting the piles with a long match he dipped in the fire, before taking your hand.

He closed his eyes for a few moments, and you felt the sand beneath you start to vibrate. He opened his eyes again, though now they glowed an intense jewel-like green. You were so distracted by his eyes that you didn't notice the sand had begun to swirl around you, gently at first, but soon it whipped around you in a perfect dome, sparks of the same glowing green shimmering like glitter.

"Don't be frightened." He groped for your other hand, eyes unseeing as they gazed straight onward. "Here it comes." His brows knit with concentration and the sparks began to take shape. Was that Pepe? No. Dolores. Was she....crying? What had her upset? As the hazy vision became clearer, you noticed her boyfriend Mariano on one knee...

"Oh! He's gonna propose!" Bruno laughed in delight as the tablet formed in his hands. The sand rained gently back down, dusting you both in the process. "He's....this is wonderful." He gazed in awe down at his niece's emerald face, a perfect image of overwhelming joy.

"Is it really such a big surprise? They're clearly meant for each other." You brushed some sand from the cool glass slab.

"No, it's a lousy prophecy if you ask me, not remotely helpful, but I don't," he swallowed, "I don't ever-I can't remember the last time it was something good." His looked up at you, bemused smile interrupted by a yawn. "This is the part when I crash."

"Come on, lets let you lie down." You pulled him up and led him back into his bedroom. His "bed" was actually a big hammock, stuffed with way too many pillows. You had never been in it before, but Bruno headed straight for it.

"I think it'll be easier if you get in first." He said, rubbing his eyes.

"What?"

"Just sit down like you're sitting in a chair."

"Are we both gonna fit?"

"One way to find out." He pushed down on your shoulders and you sat, letting your weight pull the hammock down. He sat next to you, and you both swung your legs over, reclining.

It was...cozy. Your shoulders pressed each other, straining against the edge of the hammock. "Bit snug."

"Just um...I think if we move a little..." He wiggled, then flipped himself so he was laying against your chest. It took away the pressure, and suddenly you just felt perfectly held by the fabric beneath you. "There."

You pulled his hair loose of its bun and started running your fingers through it, loosening his curls and massaging his scalp. You assumed he was asleep by the way his breath evened out, and he startled you by speaking. "I'm really glad you're here. It's easier with you here."

You kissed the top of his head and held him closer. "Well then, guess I'll just have to be here from now on."

#bruno madrigal #bruno imagine #bruno x reader #bruno madrigal x reader

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ptergwen · 3 years ago

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" of course i noticed. i notice everything about you. " w/ peter 🥺🥺 i could cry just thinkin about it

w/c: 0.4k

warnings: mentions of blood and descriptions of anxiety

a/n: a bunch of y’all actually requested this one so i hope i did it justice eep <3

over the many years you’ve been lucky enough to call peter your friend, you learned that he’s a bit of a nervous wreck. you’ll find him stumbling through sentences and blushing red half the time.

you’ve also learned how to help him when those moments come about. you’re there for peter through every single one, each step of the way.

today, that entails being his emotional support at the dentist of all places.

that’s right. spider-man is afraid of the dentist.

“hey… you doing okay, pete? i can literally feel you shaking,” you laugh softly and place a hand on peter’s bicep in an attempt to steady him. he gulps, staring down at his leg that’s bouncing next to yours. “not really. freaking hate it here so much, y/n.”

the receptionist at the front desk calls up a patient. peter flinches, but eventually lets himself relax when he realizes it’s not him.

grinning, you tilt your head to the side. peter watches you from his peripherals. “oh, you do? i had no idea,” you tease. “ugh, shut up. it’s torture!” he defends, his lips pressing into a frown. “no matter how much i floss, i always leave this place with my mouth gushing blood.”

his words make you audibly cringe. “alright, too much info,” you shove his arm. “i’m surprised ‘cuz you have the perfect smile.”

peter feels butterflies rush through his body, both from his nerves and your simple compliment.

“you think so?” he glances at you over his shoulder. “truly. c’mon, parker. lemme see those pearly whites.” you reach over and pat his cheek gently, hoping to cheer him up. peter can’t help but beam, his face getting warm under your touch.

“there we go. feeling any better?” you ask and shoot peter a smile of your own. “uh, just a little. i’m still pretty terrified, to be honest,” he admits, scratching at his gelled hair while he peers around the waiting room.

because you know peter so well, you’ve got a couple more ideas of what could calm him down.

your palm facing up, you hold a hand out in front of him. “you like to play with stuff when you get nervous, right? i sacrifice my hand as tribute.” peter perks up, his lower lip pulled between his teeth. his puppy eyes lock with yours. “you… you noticed that?”

“of course i noticed. i notice everything about you,” you speak quietly and wiggle your fingers as an invitation.

peter takes a moment to let your words settle before running his thumb along your palm, then intertwining his fingers with yours. he rests your connected hands on your thigh, a proper grin crossing his features. leaning in closer to you, peter makes the bold decision to kiss your cheek gently.

his lips linger on your skin for a few seconds. you’re the one who ends up flustered this time, peter starting to toy with your fingers.

“thank you, y/n/n. thank you so much.”

#peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fic #peter parker au #peter parker oneshot #tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland au

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sere-ness-ima · 1 year ago

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follow-up with actual, readable headcanons

‐ my Feliks' issue could be better described as cleithrophobia, the fear of being trapped, but he has never discovered this word so he's fine with claustrophobia which is at least easily understood by people who keep the lift's door open for him

‐ and more specifically, he feels uncomfortable whenever locked, restrained, held down, stuck (small spaces are fine IF he can leave them)

‐ it clashes a little with the rest of his personality, especially the parts which make a lot of people want to hold him down, restrain, and lock somewhere they don't have to deal with him

‐ he doesn't usually have panic attacks, he just gets anxious (and his anxiety usually leads straight to anger, making him annoying and unpredictable in those situations)

‐ it's been so persistent in his life that he unconciously tries to deal with the problem before it starts bothering him. he opens the door closed by someone leaving the room and returns to his place in front of tv. he takes his arm away from someone who'd grabbed it.

‐ not closing the door behind him when entering is his signature move and people sigh at him and ask him to go back and close it (which he does & immediately feels more irritated with the person asking)

‐ funny(?) thing i noticed at my old friend and gave to feliks before i realized it was the friend who was the inspiration: if you grab him (his arm, let's say), he'll struggle. just a little. but persistently. and he won't even know he's doing it, the pure instinct of his makes him wiggle, pull, tug, until he can wiggle himself out to freedom. he stops if you make him notice it. it's not on purpose. if you want to hug him, you need to bring his attention to it first so that he overrides his unconsciousness and lets you.

‐ even if it gives him some advantage at times, it's not fun to have when you're the rebellious, provocative, stupidly brave type Feliks is. he goes crazy in the prison cells (once very literally). he gets his wrists sliced by handcuffs as he instinctively struggles against them without realizing. he ends up pinned to the ground after a fight, gets told to calm down so he can be released, yet he physically can't cuz the panic braincell tells him to get away right now

‐ he's the "let me go, i can walk on my own!" captured hero type

- waits for someone else to take the lift with him if absolutely necessary

‐ breaks bracelets by mindlessly tugging on them too much

‐ sleeps with bedroom door open

making my HWS Poland slightly claustrophobic back in... *checks dates* *dies inside* *ressurects* back in 2014 was such an innocent little touch to his personality and i absolutely didn't intend it to be the evilest thing that ever happened to him but here we go

#hws poland #hws poland shitpost #hws poland headcanons #ness cinematic universe #fel whump #whump #tw claustrophobia #???

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dourpeep · 4 years ago

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ASJLA HERES MY OTHER IDEA IT TOOK SO LONG TO REFINE CUZ I CHANGED THE IDEA HALF WAY THROUGH 🥴 i also have a wholesome one on my mind but it needs some work too 🤭 modern college au - roommate xiao x top student reader reader masturbating to the thought of xiao and calls out him name, doesnt know xiao came back to the dorm. he walks in on her and starts teasing her "i didnt think our top student would be such a slut". he asks her to touch herself in front of him while still teasing and degrading her "what did you imagine when you were calling out my name?". reader ends up begging for his dick 🥴

Ooooo spicy—ngl I love the college au so 👀 I may or may not have an idea for Albedo brewing as well

Anyway, enjoy just a bit over 1.2k words hehe

Tutoring Session

Summary: During a moment alone, you call out his name and he answers. Looks like there’s stuff that even you can learn still.

Contains: ((NSFW 18+)) Roomate!Xiao x afab!reader, modern au, college au, top student!reader, solo masturbation, toys, caught, light degradation kink, Xiao has a tongue piercing

You’re ashamed with how quickly you rush to your room as soon as your roommate closes the front door, but with the way your heart races and an ache makes itself known between your thighs, you find you don’t reallycare.

Xiao would be gone only for an hour—an hour and a half, tops—to help a friend move some instruments and grab lunch, so your time already was limited.

With little care, you rush into your room and close the door. It gently taps against the doorframe, still barely a crack open but you figure that you would finish with enough time to spare.

You shed your t-shirt and shorts on your way to your bed, laying down with a sigh. It really has been a bit since you’ve last relaxed. Considering the fact that finals only just finished, you finally were able to take a break until the next semester. Next semester, you’d lighten your load for sure. As smart as you were, it was a bit much to overload courses…but now wasn’t the time to think of that.

You wiggle a bit into the mattress, shifting just enough to reach your dresser.

It’s further than you remember, but you scoot yourself over to the edge to reach.

Carefully tucked away behind a dictionary a felt bag sits. It’s quickly snatched up by you and the contents revealed. You lay back onto your bed and spread your legs.

Fingers smooth up over your thighs to help warm yourself up despite wetness already apparent. You could just go for it, but the fantasy playing out in your mind urges you to at least slow down.

It’s clear, the image of your roommate, sharp eyes and messy dyed hair. He slots himself between your legs, pants low on his hips and toned chest speckled with hickies. Just like you’ve seen before, the ornate tattoo wrapping around his right bicep and forearm would nearly glow in the bright sunlight filtering into your room.

There’s no doubt that he’d lick his lips to reveal the hidden stud, and you would shiver at the idea of him pressing his tongue to your skin.

As the image continues, you slip your hand between your legs, toy placed aside while you imagine the vivid scenario. If only the fingers slipping past your folds were his larger, calloused ones. Maybe then you’d feel a bit more fulfilled—

“Mmm…”

They start a slow pace, pumping in and dragging along your walls, pressing the spots you know make your toes curl, and you continue your daydream.

Xiao would nip and lick at your neck while he preps you. Maybe you would even share a passionate kiss…and he would relieve himself of his clothing to stroke himself. The thought of him jerking himself off with flushed cheeks while his other hand is fingering you sent a rush of desire flooding your senses and you pull your fingers out of you.

They grab the silicone toy beside you, wiping your slick on it.

Taking a breath, you spread your legs more, pressing the tip of it to your entrance and sliding it in. It fills you quickly and you gasp as you imagine Xiao instead, pressing his forehead to yours while his hips lay flush to hips.

“You feel so good,” he’d rasp, having difficulty not moving his hips. But he’d be patient and let you adjust to him, ever the gentleman.

And so you start to move the toy, pressing it as far as it’ll go, mewling at the delicious pressure of it, before pulling it back out with a sigh. For a moment, you let yourself wonder if it’s as big as him. The thought that he might be bigger crosses your mind and you will it away in favor of imagining his lips on you.

“Xiao…”

With each thrust of your toy, you feel yourself slip closer and closer, thighs trembling and threatening to close with the intensity of it.

“Xiao-“

In your mind, your roommate cages you in between his arms while thrusting his hips harder, deeper. He’s panting your name and one hand lifts off the bed to pull your hips closer to his.

Would he praise you? Or even whisper in your ear what he wants to do? You slow your movements, leisurely pumping the toy in and out. Maybe he’d tease you, make you beg for him. Another gasp of his name leaves your lips, and you’re too preoccupied with your thoughts to register the call of your name.

Xiao reenters your shared apartment much earlier than either of you anticipated. It turns out his friend was busy and asked for him to help another time, thus, he decided to just have lunch back at home instead of out.

When he hears you call out his name, he assumes it’s because you’re needing him for something.

Only, standing at the door, he sees your arching body tangled up in your sheets, calling out his name and fucking yourself on a dildo. Xiao’s heart jumps into his throat.

If only you knew how good you look moaning and begging for more using his name.

His sweet roommate. His sweet, incredibly intelligent, talented, attractive roommate. Fucking themselves in the privacy of their room with their toy and entirely unaware that the very person who name they’re moaning is barely ten feet away.

In this moment, he decides.

You’re still lost in the fantasy of being taken, getting so close to your orgasm and feeling the familiar spread of warmth through your body when you hear the door creak.

Immediately, you stop and scramble to cover yourself up, shame spreading on your cheeks.

“I didn’t think our top student would be such a slut.”

Your mouth suddenly feels dry.

Xiao shrugs off his leather jacket, running a hand up through his hair and makes his way to your bed. A brief flash of your fantasies flitters through your mind and you stutter out his name when he climbs over you.

Tilting your chin up, he presses his lips to yours.

“Thinking of me?”

You hardly can bring yourself to speak.

“Tell me…” He mutters, tongue slipping past your lips, metallic stud teasing yours into tasting him as well, “What did you think of while you were busy fucking yourself? Hm?”

An accidental shift of your leg makes you brush up against the painful hardness in his pants and you gasp into his mouth. Lips curling into a knowing smirk, Xiao slides his hand from your hip to your thigh and keeps it spread open.

“Whatever it was got you soaked.”

The kiss deepens and leaves you dazed.

He pulls away and you follow him as you’re lost in the feel of his lips and sound of his voice, but he pushes you to lay back down while he undresses.

When he’s finally bare, you can’t help but stare. Just like your daydream, he’s toned and undoubtedly strong—and his body easily covers yours as he hovers over you. A glimpse between you leaves you shy. It’s difficult to not compare your toy to him.

Pushing his lips back to yours, you feel the way his chest and thighs brush against you and leave you weak. It’s strange to think what you were just fantasizing about was now reality.

“You don’t know what you do to me, seeing you in those shorts you wear around the apartment.” Teeth tug at your lip.

“Knowing you touch yourself like this thinking about me when I’m away…you must be desperate.”

His hips sit flat against yours and you gasp feeling the way his cock presses into you.

“So beg.”

#brainrot #xiao #xiao x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact fics #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact smut #smut #Xiao with tattoos and a tongue piercing...hnggh #college au #the title is me just trying to be clever oiefhoaieh

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sugamamacustard · 4 years ago

Text

Please don’t let me go

Pairing: Alpha! Tetsuro Kuroo x Omega! Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, NSFW

Request: HIII my favourite author!!! Happy new year 💜. Wishing you a very happy 2021. Ok sooo i got a scenario In mind. You don't have to write it if you don't want to Reader (half wolf/half omega, and if you don't write half wolf, then omega) in a pack (maybe like you know joint nekoma, fukorodani and karasuno but it's ok if you don't write that, only nekoma then in case) where their pack hasn't exactly accepted them, they're very cold with her. Reader , who has madly been in love with kuroo (cuz I'm such a kuroo lover) for very long, doesn't mind and continues to take care of everyone, making sure their ok and basically like having a soft sweet motherly attitude despite how they treat reader. But at one point reader is just fed up and feels very hurt, thinking they hate them and blames themselves. They also have to keep seeing kuroo bring in other girls for his heat and that Hurts them a lot. So reader thinks they never needed them and slowly stops contacting them. That's when everyone realises they fucked up and tried to find them but they can't. Until one day reader comes to practice and says their joining another pack and apologies for not being enough and all, how would the pack and kuroo, who loves them, stop them, apologize and make it up with them? Angst to fluff, and if you want idk if you write it but nsfw. You don't have to write it ofc! It's just a quick scenario that came to my mind. Please ignore this if you don't want to write it, and sorry if it's too specific and long 🥺

Summary: You were excited when the other packs joined yours, even finding solace in one of the alphas of one, but suddenly, you weren’t needed. Wanted. Not what he desired. And that hurt. So you do the only thing you can think of. Try to find someone who will comfort your poor omega heart.

Author’s Note: I’m your favorite 🥺 🥺 Happy new year babes! And I was reading this, and I just kept getting more and more ideas and began writing it right away Hope you enjoy!

Requests: Open!

Keep in Mind! This heavily based off of my Dragon/Shifter! AU from my mainblog! (@Angstyclowns) . The long short of it, is that Shifters have three forms. The first, is completely human. Though the person still has some attributes (Better sight, smell, hearing, etc.) they don’t have any visible features. The second form gives the shifter about half of their features. Tails, ears, wings, fangs, things like that. The third is the “full form”. This is a full dragon, wolf, cat, dog, etc.. You aren’t able to talk in this form, but you do have full control of your actions. I can go into more depth in this AU! if you all want, be sure to let me know!

Tetsuro Kuroo

➵ The Fukorodani pack was big. Huge maybe.

➵ It was made up of three different, smaller, packs that had combined for both numbers and power. Karasuno, (the namesake) Fukorodani, and Nekoma.

➵ You were originally apart of Fukorodani, only really close with Akaashi and Bokuto and had yet to get close with anyone else.

➵ You still cared for them though.

➵ You prepped meals in the morning, making enough for everyone.

➵ Made sure you always had band-aids just in case.

➵ You took the role of pack omega well.

➵ But people still seemed to hold you at an arms length.

➵ You at first brushed it off, as they were getting used to being in such a big pack, but as they got more comfortable with Bokuto and Akaashi, you began to feel this sense of unease.

➵ It was obvious they didn’t trust you, but you couldn’t quite place why.

➵ It soon got to the point where even Akaashi and Bokuto were spending less and less time with you.

➵ Your omega was hurt and you felt completely deserted.

➵ You had no idea what was happening. Did you do something wrong?

➵ You didn’t think so. You just did what you always did. Maybe you were too clingy.

➵ Too overbearing.

➵ Yeah, that was it. Right?

➵ Too much too soon.

➵ So you slowly began pulling away. You stopped making breakfast (Staying in your nest and feigning being asleep when Akaashi or Suga would come check up on you.).

➵ Stopped carrying medical supplies. Which hurt at first when Hinata or Noya would excitedly ask you for a cartoon printed band-aid, but immediately frowned when you said you didn’t have any.

➵ You just stopped...caring?

➵ You went on runs a lot more, staying out later and later and leaving earlier and earlier. There were days when no one saw you at all-- Bokuto ending up crying on those days, almost as if his alpha knew you were pulling away.

➵ He would make an effort to spend the next day with you but then the process would just repeat itself. He’d be gone with Kuroo for days, weeks on end and you were stuck alone one more time.

➵ “We always have an opening.” Daishou hummed, stretching his arms out as his forked tongue wiggled between his lips. Your tail swiped behind you as your ears fell back. “We could use a wolf like you. Strong legs, strong jaw, good looks-”

➵ “Don’t.” You sighed, wrapping your tail around your waist and wringing it gently with your hands. “I appreciate the offer, but I- I can’t. I just-”

➵ “I get it. It’s that damned cat, yeah?” The olive haired alpha smirked, playing with one of his scaled fingers. He chuckled at your red cheeks, licking his teeth all the while.

➵ It was not secret that you fell for the Pack alpha of Nekoma, Kuroo, quickly. Though Daishou (A snake shifter that you ran into during one of your all day runs) didn’t approve of the crush, he didn’t interfere with it. He respected it, in fact, encouraging it on days he felt good.

➵ You could honestly say Daishou was one of your closest friends at the moment. He always allowed you into his territory, his pack supporting and loving you all the while.

➵ He had offered to let you join his pack, in fact, but you turned him down. You were tied with Fukorodani, with Akaashi, with Bokuto. They were your family.

➵ Whether or not they saw you the same way, that was how you saw them.

➵ Your inner omega kept reminding you that Daishou was also your family.

➵ You suppose the final straw was seeing Kuroo laughing with some random Beta girl. She smelled like cheap perfume, making you reel. You merely watched as he kissed her neck, nipping her ear, quickly taking her to his room. His rut was around the corner so you knew what was going on.

➵ Didn’t mean you had to like it though.

➵ Maybe like a rebellious teenager, this kicked off that side you had been hiding.

➵ Instead of disappearing for a day every few weeks, you disappeared for days, one right after the other. You would pop in for a change of clothes, shift into your wolf and you were gone.

➵ You were strategic about it too. You made sure one person saw you enter, just to assure everyone else you were alive. You made sure they were far enough away they couldn’t catch you even if they shifted-- which most did. They tried to talk to you, just once.

➵ But you had routes made in the deep of night to get you out of sight, running through water to get rid of your scent, just doing everything to make you disappear.

➵ And slowly, but surely, Daishou and his pack began considering you their omega, just as you began forgetting about the Fukorodani pack.

➵ Everyone on the other side just got worse though. More often than not, meals were either ordered in or skipped all together. Alphas snapped on each other, Betas snarled in retaliation, omegas were hissing and closing in.

➵ While Bokuto and Akaashi were expected to be the worst of this all, they weren’t. While they growled and hissed and snapped, they didn’t snarl. They were recluse and kept away, looking for you day in and day out instead.

➵ The worst of all was Kuroo. He snarled and snapped, baring his teeth at anyone who crossed his path. That beta girl? She ran out a week ago, bleeding from her hand because Kuroo had bitten her for touching him when he told her to go away.

➵ Even Kenma had been on the receiving end of a near-close call, making everyone turn their attention to what his issue was.

➵ They only got their answer on one of the few short trips you made back. You smelled heavily like the territory next door, so much so they could smell it from your room while you were re-packing your bag.

➵ Your nest had been dismantled and one of the several blankets in there was folded and you began putting it into your bag, only for Kuroo to slam open your door.

➵ You chirped in surprise, crawling back from the seething alpha. He was angry, you could tell, and you didn’t want to get in his way.

➵ You bowed your head, quickly zipping up your bag before making your way to the window.

➵ You couldn’t deal with him right now. Not with your feelings, not with his anger. You just couldn’t.

➵ “Where the fuck are you going?” He hissed, stomping to your window and shutting it before you could crawl through.

➵ “I- I don’t- Just-”

➵ He stopped you, sniffing your neck. “You smell like him.”

➵ “Who’s him?”

➵ “That fucking snake! Who else?!” Teeth are dragged dangerously down your neck, making you shudder. “What the fuck are you doing near him?”

➵ “Dai-”

➵ “Don’t fucking say his name. Answer the question. Why were you near him?! His pack?! We are right here. We’re your pack. Not them.” He sounded close to exploding, making you whine as you withdrew.

➵ He ran a hand through his hair as he paced in front of you. “Were we not good enough? Huh? You needed another pack? WHY WEREN’T WE GOOD ENOUGH?!”

➵ You didn’t realize it, but you began shaking, slowly drawing in on yourself, trying to seem as small as possible.

➵ You didn’t want to make the alpha angry. Why was he so angry?

➵ “Tell me!” Looking up, you hiccupped as tears began streaming down your face, Kuroo having his own tears dripping down his cheeks. “Why wasn’t I good enough?”

➵ He collapsed in front of you, hands yanking on his hair.

➵ And while you were hesitant, you slowly crept closer. He was shaking his head by the time you got close enough to hear him whispering “Please don’t leave.” Making your heart and omega whine.

➵ “I-” You stopped. What was there to say? All of a sudden he wanted you here? Where was he the past however many weeks?

➵ You wanted to scream at him. Turn and leave through the window anyway.

➵ Leave this pack, and Kuroo, behind.

➵ “Don’t leave me. I don’t care about the rest of them-- maybe Kenma-- but don’t leave me. Please. I can’t handle- I can’t handle not seeing you everyday. I thought I could. I thought I could fill the void with meaningless flings, but they couldn’t even touch me before I was aching for you. “ He was sobbing now, tears dripping down his cheeks.

➵ You hesitantly wrapped an arm around his shoulder, allowing him to cry into your shoulder. He held you tightly, refusing to let you slip through his fingers as he almost had.

➵ “I-I don’t- I don’t know what you want from me anymore, Kuroo. I-I tried staying, and that didn’t work. I tried leaving, and that didn’t work either. I don’t want to leave but I can’t stay. I’m so touch starved and I can’t keep living like this!” You cried out, frustrated with all the mixed signals around you.

➵ What did your pack want from you?

➵ “We’ll fix it! I swear, I’ll fix it myself. I swear on my life. I’ll fix it. Fix myself. Make myself that alpha you deserve. Please.”

➵ You said nothing. Only allowing him to hold you close.

___NSFW___

➵ “Tetsuro!” You squealed, laughing as soft kisses were laced down your thighs.

➵ “Kitten~” He responded, suckling a hickey right near your cunt.

➵ You were wearing nothing but his sweatshirt and he was rabid seeing you, his pretty omega all nice and ready for him.

➵ And his cock.

➵ Sitting up, he pulled you onto his thighs with a swift movement, making you laugh once more.

➵ He smirked down at you once you calmed down, pressing a sweet peck to your lips, making you hum with satisfaction.

➵ His hands trailed under his shirt to rest on your hips, keeping you close to him. You seemed so ethereal, sitting in the light that filtered through the window-- oranges and reds highlighting your body.

➵ “I love you. I love you so much.” He huffed, leaning his forehead onto yours, feeling the heat of your smile against his lips.

➵ “I love you too, Tetsuro.” Another peck was pressed to his lips.

➵ His heart felt so full, having you in his arms, having you in his grasp. He just couldn’t let you go.

➵ He had almost done that once.

➵ But he would never make the same mistake again.

___

His cock dragged slowly out of your walls, sending shocks of pleasure and sensation wavering through your body as you shuddered. It wasn’t often you got to see the slow and sensual side of Tetsuro-- the one that would kiss your bond mark, the one that would tear up as he spilled praise after praise into your ear, the one that would hold a hand on your chest just to feel your thundering heartbeat only to pull your hand up to feel his own, which was just as bad--but when you did it left you just breathless as he always did. There were days when you just needed this side and he always picked up on that, but some days he needed the solace he got with it as well.

You’d always enable it, purring and whispering your own praises to him, kissing his temples when his emotions bubbled far to quickly for him to properly absorb, spilling over.

It was times like this, when his forehead rested against your shoulder, did you feel closest. His pants were hot against your already flushed skin, adding already to your sensitive body.

Running a hand through his hair, you waited for him to give you an indicator of what he wanted. What he needed from you at that very moment.

When he didn’t move it hit you. He just wanted you close. To keep you close. To remind himself you were still there. To remind himself he won the war. He won you. He finally got the queen to his kingdom. The one he wanted from the star.

And you would indulge him, running your both your hands through his hair and holding him close. Even if you pretended not to feel the happy tears falling onto your shoulder.

____

Soft sex Kuroo had me 🥺 🥺

#alpha/beta/omega #alpha/beta/omega AU #alpha/beta/omega verse #haikyuu!!#a/b/o haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #alpha kuroo #alpha kuroo tetsuro #kuroo x reader #alpha kuroo tetsuro x omega reader #alpha kuroo x omega reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #custard writes #Kuroo likes soft sex #no i don't take criticism

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