#but i have like 40 asks i still havent answered and i feel like i havent posted anything original in a while??

[scrufflebolt]

my personal sven svensson headcanons

- he would most likely be 24-26 in canon but hes 23 to me, why not?

- isnt actually physically weak, he was just too busy talking to actually get ready to fight henry so he was caught off guard

- average height, maybe 5'9, or 5'10. just a bit shorter than swedish average though which is 5'11

- more than likely canon, but he's VERY talkative. stay in a room with him too long he'll rant to you about his opinions and interests for hours

- it'll take him a while to notice but he'll stop talking if you're uninterested

- lets his hair grow out a lil (as shown in the drawing above) and cuts it after a while

- usually cuts his own hair but whenever he doesnt he lets earrings cut it

- fluffy hair, and by that i mean its real soft and nice. he gets annoyed if its oiley because it feels weird

- has like 2 moles on his face

- joined the toppat clan at a young age, perhaps 16. ive jumped on the conclusion that he was taken by rhm while they were robbing a bank/store while sven, himself was attempting to steal something

- was those stereotypical troubled teenagers. hes changed a lot as an adult now and is more mature and is a respectable young man. however he still has little bits and pieces of his past personality now he'll show off duty. like he'll be a little playfully mean and tease you just a lil.

- kinda sassy lmao but also unintentionally rude sometimes

- actually laid back when he's not stressed or angry. but he gets stressed out easily, especially ever since he's been a leader.

- is up for new things but HATES having to be forced to change things

- he either perceives mr macbeth or rhm/reg as a father figure. they call him "son" and give him advice occasionally. its one of them, i just havent decided which one i wanted it to be yet.

- it's just a father-son like relationship but it's not an actual one because i hc reg/rhm to be in their late 30's/early 40's

- hes not THAT obsessed with sharks. yeah i say he'd like sharks but he wouldnt know the answer if u asked him a specific question abt sharks.

- very prideful. very open about his identity, nationality, opinions, blah blah blah, all of it. he'll talk all about it

- gets embarrassed easily, especially if hes proven wrong in an argument or if he was wrong about something but hey, at least he'll admit it

- looks like a child in some pictures of him and hates it (he looks like a little kid in some endings from thsc but looks like an actual adult in others)

- thinks dogs > cats

- real tired, the adjust to him becoming leader is too much to handle

- WANTS to rest but doesn't because if he finishes all his work then he could get it all done with then rest after

hope u enjoyed these hcs, haven't seen anyone else headcanon or perceive sven the same way i do yet (i will occasionally edit this post to add more)

[mikka-minns]

Opinions on characters: Kiryuu Nanami, Saionji Kyouichi, Tatsuki Shiori

Thank you for the ask! Im guessing its for the ask game(the general opinion is included so yeah) Sorry i didnt answer until now😅

Kiryuu Nanami

General opinion: She is everything to me. Her mere existance confirme half of my theories about Anthy and Akio.

She is a queen. She didnt deserve this.

The reason she isnt in the movie is because she realised the truth about Ohtori in time and when things started to go back to their bad nature she was able to leave.

She is the perfect first character to find out about Akio's abuse because she lived with one of his victims, he ruined her life in-directly and was about to make her another one of his victims. Her character and story are perfect, i would change nothing about her.

(i have a big post about her, Anthy and Shadow Girls to write so stay tuned for that)

A ship i love: i cant decide if i like the idea that Nanami is aromantic or a lesbian(so probably both) and i dont have a ship with her i realy love. I like Nanami x Kozue a bit, mostly for the parrallels, but i have my own problems with Kozue(which is its own topic), so im not sure how much i actualy ship it. But then again, most of my Rgu Ships go under "after 15 years of therapy they can actualy date", so... Who know.

A non-romantic relationship i love: her friendship with Utena and Anthy and her friendship with Saionji. I wish she got a chance to apologize to Anthy once they were both in a good place and far away from their brothers. For Saionji, i hope they got to meet after he left Ohtori with Juri and Miki. If he grew as a person(which is necessery for escapong Ohtori) he would be a great big brother. Also, the egg episode realy sells me the idea he is her brother figure. "No appreciation for brotherly advice".

A NOTP: Nanami x Touga and Nanami x Akio(OBVIOUSLY). I havent seen anyone ship it and GOOD. That is a one way ticket to hell. I Also dont like Nanami x Saionji, but thats mostly personal opinion cuz i see them as siblings. Might Also be the age gap but idk.

My biggest headcanon about them: as i said, SHE LEFT THE OHTORI NOT LONG AFTER THE SERIES FINALE! She is also an animal person but is not used to them because of her family(cats trigger he trauma too). Once she and Anthy make up, BECAUSE THEY WILL, Anthy  lets her spend time with her animal friends, maybe even helps her adopt an animal of her own.

An idea for fanfiction: Nanami meeting with everyone from Ohtori after they escape, exploring their relationships once they arent under control of their abusers.

(this one is in my WIPs, i Just have to finish it) Weed bride. Anthy and Nanami smoke blunts together along with everyone else. They Also take over Ohtori. I dont wanna spoil anything.

Something that makes me think of them:

Songs "Oh no!" and "Family jewels" by Marina and the diamonds, "allies or Enemies"(about her and Touga) and "Take me to War" by crane wives. And a few more but this is on the top of my mind.

Kyouichi Saionji

General opinion: He was the perfect first antagonists for the series. He is so pathetic, no one takes him seriusly, which is a perfect foil to Akio being adored and trusted by many characters.

He most likely isn pure evil as he is still a child, but he should defenetly be taken responsible for his actions(abuse of Anthy).

A ship i love: touga x Saionji but ONLY AFTER 20, NO, 40 YEARS OF THERAPY! They both hurt each other, they should solve their problems. I wish we saw Saionji's Thoughts about Touga in the movie, but hey, we cant have everything.

A non-romantic relationship that i love: as i said, he would make a great brother to Nanami. As i doubt either of them will ever see Touga again, they could help each other with the trauma. Saionji defenetly has family problems, everyone does in Ohtori.

I also like his friendship with Wakaba, i dont ship them tbh. I feel like she can put him in his place with ease(she beat Utena up as a petty joke).

Not realy a positive relationship, but his rivalry with Utena is very intresting. He is like a trashy version of her. Their straight love intrests are each other's real crushes, but they project. This would all be solved if the world wasnt homophobic. I want them to fight, middle-school-girl style cuz Saionji would get his ass handed to him.

A NOTP: saionji x Akio (OBVIOUSLY) and Saionji x Nanami (again, its just my personal preference)

My biggest headcanon about them: he projected Touga onto Anthy. Thats what kinda stings about how he treated her. Its obvious that relationship was going nowhere, but he never even liked her for her and so it was Just cruel.

He feels as if he isnt good enough for people around him and was at some point jealous about Touga's relationship with Akio cuz it seemed like Touga was so much more mature that he was getting attention of another adult.(angsty i know, but its based on reality)

A fanfic idea: him and Nanami meeting again(as you can see, im very normal a out them)

Maybe an AU where he and Touga dont go so off the edge ti become the pricks they are in the canon and instead Run away with Nanami and live as a little family(THIS SHOW HURT ME, OKAY)

In weed bride, Anthy wrecks his shit cuz he was with Touga and she was about to end Touga so obviously he will get some too. (that fic is Just pure crack)

Tatsuki Shiori

Something that Reminds me of them: tbh i cant think of anything right now.

General opinion: gurlfailiure. I love her. Just another child in a cruel world. She only had the worst adults to look up to and so she hurt the Ones she loved the most. She has room to grow and redeemed herself, she is only a child after all.

I think her place in the movie was great because of that. (i think her role was methaphore for what happend after the series finale, Just like with everyone else)

A ship that i love: i like Juri x Shiori and kinda Shiori x Kozue(both girls are disasters) but i wouldnt say i love either of those. Again, years of therapy, then they can get bitches.

A non-romantic relationship i love: not sure

Maybe her relationship with Touga cuz i dont see it as a real romance. I like it for the narrative(its not realy healthy) and how we found out a lot about Touga trough it.

I think her relationship with Ruka was a perfect example of an older guy messing with a younger girl. Toxic and cruel.

A NOTP: Shiori x Akio (look i have to make sure its known i do not unde any circumstances support these Ships) and Shiori x Ruka(he is an abusive asshole. A mini Akio, if you will)

My biggest headcanon about them: she is queer and full of internalised homophobia. She loved Juri but she is Just another pawn in Akio's game and so she could do nothing but hurt her. I dont think they made up after the end of the movie, im not even sure Shiori escaped, so idk if they even met after.

She liked Touga less because he is a prince and more because he is like a rose bride(like her, in a way) but is not a girl so its fiiine(side eye).

A fanfic idea: i dont have any right now

Maybe exploring her movie role and/or her mindset trough a fanfic?

Something that Reminds me of them: again, not sure.

[crowleys-bentley-and-plants]

1, 2 and 40 on the questions I think would be fun to be asked???

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

aaaa this question is so personal i apologise in advance for ranting lmao. these kind of questions also make me forget everything related to the question lolll lemme think.

i think one of the biggest things in my life that made me who i am today is the death of my best friend. that's what made me turn to writing and poetry, as not to drown in grief hahah anyway next thing. hmm. i moved around a lot (still do ig) which makes it hard for me to put down roots and establish deep connections with people and places because im like i will move in a year anyway so what's the point lol. that's why i still havent put up any of my posters and other things in my room despite living there for like a year now. i know this isnt really a good thing lol but i feel like this says a lot about me? idk. and last thing that shaped me into who i am is gonna be very basic but my family lol. i wouldnt be who i am because of them. whether it's a good thing or a bad one i dont know but im still grateful for them.

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

i kinda dont have anything to write on at the moment so have this blurry pic of my annotations of a poem lol

40. any bad habits?

ive already answered this one here :) (but short answer: yes)

[sparring-spirals]

hi! sorry to bother you with this but I don’t really know how to search for it online and I don’t know anyone else that follows cr/has seen C2, so… when they brought devexian back online I know he was very broken and couldn’t remember much, but he was… somewhat functional, right? like, his core was intact etc?

I’m asking because I’ve been having this feeling lately that they’ll get to the repair terminal in the genesis ward in the next ep or so, and for the live show they’ll somehow fix fcg through the same means the mighty nein used for D (and that’s how sam would make his appearance at the show), since they kept the pieces after the explosion…

I guess my question is… would it work? can they fix fcg there? or would the core need to be intact for that? was devexian’s? could the repair terminal give them another core or is their core intrinsically linked to their soul? (I guess the last question is more of a meta question since there’s no way we can know that😂 but I’d love to know your opinion on it)

thank you and sorry again for the ramblings🫶🏻

hello anon. I'm deeply flattered you asked me and I am also SO sorry i did not see this until way late. I'm not even sure this answer is still any use given the liveshow has already gappened. but uhm. im here now! Never apologize for asking clarifying questions to me, i dont mind, just know that I sometimes (often) won't know. Or might go AWOL! apparently. This goes quadruple-fold for when I am some million hours behind on the campaign.

Also you sent this in BEFORE the live show and since then the live show has happened and Sam has returned with a hot flirty hunk of a character so I guess that answers that part of your question? I Am. So Sorry. But imo your broader question about if they could bring back F.C.G at all remains.

so that said, knowing that I havent been properly caught up for some 30-40 episodes, I'm going to give my very handwavey opinion, then turn you over to the hands of my followers who are probably more well informed and also probably caught up on the campaign.

I think its important to consider any kind of F.C.G revival on both an out of game perspective and in game perspective, bc I think with revival the latter influences the former a LOT. I think if Sam were really interested in bringing back F.C.G the repair terminals and them keeping parts of F.C.G could factor into it. There's definitely the question of "what makes F.C.G F.C.G" that would have to factor in, which gets philosophical very quick- I think there would have to be some equivalent of a standard revival ritual where they call something back from the beyond, because IMO, putting a "new" core in wouldnt bring back FCG.

Before we even get into the nitty gritty of the philosophy, though I don't know that Sam would want to bring F.C.G back? I mean the live show ended and there's now a hot minotaur in the party so its easy for me to say that. But Sam has also always been someone to commit to the big swings for characters- including losses- and his treatment of F.C.G's death felt like he thought it was meaningful and impactful and said what he wanted it to say. So in that vein- maybe it isnt possible to bring F.C.G back, largely because I think Matt would respect if Sam wouldn't want to leave that on the table.

TL;DR: Its not that I think there's no way to viably justify an F.C.G revival using the repair terminals, but it would be tricky and I don't see them doing that, from what I know. Is there an opportunity for something similar to Molly -> Kingsley towards the end of the campaign? Shore. Maybe. but i dont count that in the bucket youre describing.

anyway. im so sorry for the delay on this anon. i hope you had a good time watching the live show and are enjoying Sam's new character and im sorry i was not present enough to see this and respond earlier 😅

[gibertz]

everything is true until only one thing is true is what i always thought . and so i thought if i could guess the thing... maybe it would help . maybe it would protect me. i hate waiting for pain . i hate knowing it will come again and i hate the not knowing when. sometimes i sit around and think about who did this. whose fault is it that i learned how to turn the knife on myself so young . that i ask questions the older ones in my life tell me they didn't get to till they were in their 40s — that they still dont have answers to and i just have to sit there knowing i already knew they would say that and so i knew there was no answer anywhere because i knew. because i know. that they look at me with this concern and confusion for how quickly my mind works n trips over itself and gets up and tries to run around again all covered in bruises n cuts and it just gets up again and again and it never stops to cry it just gets up again. i feel like ive asked every question in the whole world twice and i havent been able to answer any of them just right. i can make anyone scared of anything. i can make them brave, too. i can make you believe anything if u sat with me for a little while i could make you believe in anything. tell me about yourself and ill endear myself to you i know how to do it. i do it all the time. i know. what a useless trick if no one has an answer to my question. what happens when we die and will i be alone? will i be alone when it happens. i am scared of being alone. i think i just dont want to be by myself anymore. i know gi and all he knows is knowing. i wish someone would tell me to close my mouth, my eyes. i wish someone would tell me to stop. tell me to breathe. tell me to sleep. tell me that they would be there when i wake up.

[divinesangel]

hi, i asked from days ago about stray kids seungmin ideal type havent u get it pls hope u do coz i really waited i just only did now to follow up my request... 😢

i hope you guys know that i have this blog for fun and that i'm not obligated to answer if i don't have the time or don't feel like it. i'm not getting paid to do this.

i get a lot of questions every day and still have 40 more questions to answer, so please understand.

[blackhatcannons]

(( Well, I tried. ;_;

Anyways, a lot of you requested stuff with the PTA moms and Alan!Dad. And I’m quite flattered you guys like them so much! But some of you also asked for more BH-centric things, which I also approve of. So, I compromised! I did my best to combine everything into one huge clusterfuck of an event.

Here’s what happens at the fucking school soccer game))

Dementia is on the soccer team. (Fútbol/Football. Whatever.) It helps her work off some of her excess energy and she normally has a great time running around and kicking things. She actually finds practices more fun than the games, since parents aren’t allowed to watch those. (Helen has a kid on the soccer team.)

Normally, Black Hat doesn’t go to these events. But OF COURSE Alan decided to visit and OF COURSE he wants to see one of Dementia’s games. So BH goes with Alan to make sure his higher-eldritch-entity father doesn’t accidentally destroy human minds with his enthusiasm

“You can’t just break dimensions like that! Just keep your applause in the physical plane, not the abstract one!” “Aww, Hattie, you do care about humans!” “No, I just don’t want you to ruin the soccer game with an accidental massacre. Dementia’s gonna complain for weeks if you fuck this up and drive everyone to insanity.”

So the game starts off pretty okay. BH sits far away from Alan, who is sitting next to a nervous Flug trying to explain “human-foot-kick-ball” to a being whose existence he can’t even fully comprehend.

“And when the ball goes out like that, she gets to throw it back i-- oh come on!” “Huh?” “That was such a foul, are you kidding me?!”

Flug sounds surprisingly annoyed. BH gets a little bit interested as he hears Flug angrily explain the rules to Alan for offsides and what actually counts as a penalty kick. Alan nods along with the sageness of someone who doesn’t understand jack shit

BH suddenly interjects. “Wait a minute! So Dementia shouldn’t have gotten punished for bumping that other little shit! What the FUCK” He angrily storms over to the sidelines. Flug follows him, trying to make sure he doesn’t actually kill the referee.

“WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CALL THAT A FOUL?? THAT’S CALLED A FUCKING BUMP, NOT A SHOVE YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A REFEREE. DID YOU SEE ANY HAND OR ELBOW CONTACT?? B̵̧̡̪̻̟͍Ḙ̵̝͕̙̗̳C̵͕̪͓͈̱ͅA̸̧̭̖̹̹̥U̴̢͈̩͕͕͜S̸̨̻̘̘̜̱E̵̫̱͍̞̜ͅ  I̶̢͚̙̲̗͓ S̶̤͙̟͔͙̳Ụ̷̧̬͈̣͜R̷̮͎̭͈̤̭Ę̸̢̤̟͜ͅ F̵̼̞̰U̶̹͚͙̗̤ͅC̷̡̦̟̠͙̼K̶̥̰̬̭̘̤I̴̖͖͇͖̺̫N̷̩̫̝̫̘͖G̵̢̗͙̣͍͜ D̵̝̙͉̮̪̩Į̵̲͖̞͔̫D̷̝̮̣͓͕͉N̷̦̞͕͇̼̻’T̴̢̧̰̠̼̘” (BH grows several extra eyes in his coat, to emphasize his point. The ref almost shits himself.)

Surprisingly, one of the yoga moms walks over. “Esteban! We were just looking for you; come over here.” (Little does she know that she probably just saved that referee’s life..) The other yoga moms are all set up at a table beside the soccer field, so they can help out at water break.

(5.0.5 is also there. He has been handing out orange slices and water bottles to the soccer kids this entire time. what a good boy.)

They all talk shit about the coaches and referees together. Apparently this kind of behavior is normal for their group.

“And Coach never puts Becky in, honestly. Sometime I just want to walk over there and give him a piece of my mind--” “Got it. HEY COACH! Quit being a fucking asshole and rotate some of the other kids in! WE GET IT, YOU’RE KEEPING KRISTY AS THE GOALIE BECAUSE YOU WANT HELEN TO SUCK YOUR SAD EXCUSE FOR A DIC--” eventually Karen manages to clap a hand over BH’s mouth, while the rest of the yoga moms are fucking dying

It only escalates from there, with BH screaming threats to disembowel various referees for their shitty calls. He doesn’t even care that they’re supposed to be on the same team, he will absolutely go over there and bitchslap the coach. The mom squad offer various suggestions on what calls were absolutely incorrect and who he should yell at next. None of them know he’s actually serious.

Ofc Helen is absolutely furious. This fucking annoying, practically insane, Mexican asshole has been nothing but a nuisance since day one. But she has an ace up her sleeve. Because Black Hat’s dad is right there.

Helen casually meanders over to where Alan is. Flug excuses himself to run and get BH. But there’s plenty of time for her to start chatting Alan up. “What do you do for a living?” “I actually am an artist! And you?” “Just a housewife, always looking after the kids!”

“So, Esteban is...” “My son!” Alan beams. He always loves talking about his favorite little eldritch hellspawn. But before he can start bragging about how great his Hattie is, Helen interrupts him. “Actually, sir, your son has been rather, how do I put this.... rude?”

Alan freezes, smile stuck on his face. “Reeeeeally now?” He turns towards Helen, and she suddenly feels a level of terror most humans can’t even physically experience.

“Â̴̘̳̺̱͉̹̼̖̹͓̄̌̆̇̎̈́̕͘̚n̸̼͚̮͈͓͍̪̜̟̰̔̉͌̂̂̐͐̕͘͠d̸̨̨̢̞͍̘̥̠͇̝̓́̋̑̉̏̽͒̀̊ w̴̢̤̼̩̱̻̖̗̯̑̑̔̈́͂̀̆̄̈́̚ͅh̷̨͖͓͖̤̹̺̬͇̿͐͛̐̑̑̾̂̆̉ͅą̶̨̻̲̤̫̥͍̞̰̈́͑̾͆̄̽̊̇̈́̽ţ̷̝̺̲̯͕̮̖̭̓͋̈͛̏͌̾̏̕͝ͅ d̸̘͖͚̺̫̹̻̟̪̺̄̽͂̇̃̅̇͆͌̌o̴͍̗͚͙͎̙̞͚͖͈͛̏̉̀͊̋͛̈́̌̊ ȳ̶̭̻͚̮͍̼̪̺͍̎̏̇̑̈͗͛͜͝͝o̶̾̓̽͆��̧̬̣͉̥͖͎͇͈̓̓́̚͘ͅu̸̥̼̗͉͔͖̻͓̺̓̆̾̌̈́̊͛̅̊͜é̴̡̼̮̼̦̳͍͖̬̏̀͌̀͐̎̑̽̕͜x̶̤͎͇̳̫͈̠̻͙̀̓̇͗͒̇͒̆̔̈́͜p̸̧̧̛̤͍̰̥̠̖̪̙̿̐̌̒́͂̍̚͠ę̶͚͕̤͇̖̤̱̰̟̇̆̉̍͆̈͋͐̕͠c̵̢̩͖̦̻̣̼̜̟̭͑͐̈́̾͌̈̊̉̏͘t̵̢͍̪͍̭̝̪̞̪̓͆͌̿͛̔̃̈́̀̚͜m̸̞͔̝̹̙̙͉̝̳̍̑̈́͊͛̀̾̃̚͜͠ë̵̥̝͇̲͚͚̘̝͕́̒͐̀́̔͒̓͗͘ͅţ̶̧̟̺̪̭̣͍͔͌̄͗̀̿̊̑̉̚̚͜o̸̗̹̦͓͎̦̪̥̬̓̃̽̀̊̎̈́̔̊͗͜ d̵̡̬̭̖̘͖̹̥͔͋̑̇́͆͂͋̈́̿͘ͅo̷̙͎̖̩̩͓̝̮̝̍̑̈́͐̈̅̇̽̕͜͝ a̴̡͉̩̰̙̘͓̹͙̳͊̐͆̏͛̚͘̕͝͝b̵̛̛̳̮͇̠̱̱̟̳̺͆̍̏͆̑̊͜͝͠ö̸̥͍̻̣͈̟̤͙̮̓̈́͒͌͐̑͗͝͠ͅű̸̢̼͔̲͉̬̭͙̭͓̃́̀̃̍̐̉̕͝t̵̻̹͉̪͙̙̫̪̪̼̑̏͌̅͑̄͘͘͝͝ t̷̢̻̭̳̹̱̱̲̩̅̂͛̀͊̆̍̒̚͘͜h̴̢̧̲̖͈͎̼̫͈̫̃̓͒̏̇̿͆̈̌̂ȁ̶̢̱͇̤̺̺̱̼͓̫͐̌́̈́̊̎͂͘͘t̵̡̖̞̼̭͔̳͔̗̜̏͂̆̄̈́̈͛̂̉̉?̸̡̡̤̘̘̭̯̲̟̗͋̍̑̇̓̂̿͆͗͘?̷̡̧̤̙͚͇̪̙̘̖”

Helen immediately goes home to take Xanax and a nap. Dementia wins the school soccer game. BH fucking laughs the entire car ride back to the house. (And Alan refuses to let anyone talk shit about his son.)

[cynettic]

Hii,I’d like to request a fanfic about kaeya and venti(seperate) comforting a gn!reader after losing their pet

Summary - Venti and Kaeya comfort you after the loss of your pet.

Pairings - Reader x Venti / Kaeya

Warnings - Pet angst

Penpal - Sorry for getting to you late! If you did by chance lose a pet like that I’m so sorry to hear that- I tried to make it extra comforting for that case. If not and I’m just overthinking it- I hope you enjoy it either way :)

A/N - Ahhhh- I havent posted in so long ;-; sorry sorry, been stuck with 40-50 hours of work this entire week, and when I get home I just grind Inazuma. I havent even caught up to the archon quest, just exploring lol

Comfort after Losing a Pet

Venti

Venti has lived for a very long time, and even with his cheerful chatter and harmless jokes, he’s gained a strong sense of wisdom from these years. He has no doubt attached himself to people throughout these years and lost them, but instead of feeling sad for them, I feel like Venti would keep them close to his heart instead.

He’d urge you to do the same.

Things like these take time, taking in the death of someone important to you is not easy, he understands that.

Venti can be incredibly patient, even though it might be hard for him to put himself exactly in your shoes, he will wait alongside you.

Unless it’s a cat.

He’s allergic to those little fuckers- and even if he doesn’t share a particular hatred towards them…

Jk jk he’ll comfort you and mourn your pet with you either way, he just wants to see you smile again.

What Venti could best give you is words and time, he doesn’t really have much archon duties so he’ll spend the day doing things with you. He’ll even skip a few nights at the bar just to cuddle with you and make you feel safe and like you have someone to rely on.

As for words, we all know Venti is a smooth talker- who’s to say he isn’t good at soothing someone either?

He probably won’t be as touchy as Kaeya will, and will rely on the things he can do to cheer you up. Playing his lyre, telling you jokes, and just being by you.

_-_-_-_

"People and animals come and go, I know for sure that -pet name- loved you dearly Y/n. And even if they can’t be here with you," Venti pressed a loving kiss to your chest right where your heart was. "They’ll always be right here with you.”

_-_-_-_

“They’re gone.”

You slowly sank to your knees, lips pressed firmly shut as you tried to blink away the tears. Shock coursed your body as you tried to understand just what had happened. But every time you thought about it, your heart thud a bit too loudly against your chest, and suddenly you wanted to cry all over again.

Venti, who was right beside you didn’t know what to do. His hands were outstretched to bring you into his arms, but he was unsure of whether it was the contact you need at the moment.

He decided to simply rest his hand on your back.

The two of you had just been on your way back home after having to put your pet down, something you’d been trying to delay, but knew you had to with their age and actions. Venti had stood with you through it all, but you hadn’t shed a tear back then.

But the shock gradually faded away, and you were a sobbing mess.

Venti rubbed his hand on your back, whispering soft promises and loving words into your ear. It hurt him to see you like this, and even if he was close and had known your pet well, it didnt affect him nearly as much as it did you. However, when you continued to sit crouched on the floor, he knew he needed to take action.

Slowly, he lifted you to your feet, opening the door to your home and slowly helping you inside. Tears continued to trickle down your face as he walked you over to your bedroom, a firm grip on your arm so you wouldnt fall. His thumb gently brushed the skin of your arm, a contact that reminded you he was there.

He gently sat you on the bed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Y/n,” he began gingerly, already taking off your boots and unnecessary accessories. “Take a deep breath in.”

You did just that, but another sob broke past your lips and suddenly you were wiping them away.

“No no,” he took your hands in his, your wrists encased in his gentle grip. “I’m not asking you to stop crying… I just want you to clear your head a little.” His gaze was soft as he looked up at you from his crouched position. “Being sad over this is completely normal, I’ll be with you through it all.”

He slowly brought your fingertips to his lips, pressing a featherlike kiss to each of them. So soft that by the time he’d finished, you’d stopped crying. His touch made you feel warm, a bright reminder that he was here with you, that you wouldnt be alone during this.

“(Pet Name) loved you Y/n. I want you to know that they were happy till the end, happy with you. I know you need to grieve, but don’t ever think that you’ll have to do it alone.”

Kaeya

Kaeya may not as lived as much as Venti, but he has certainly gone through enough to understand handling a loss. He’s lost a great amount of family, and has lost his relationship with his brother. He probably hasnt had a pet before, but knows the importance they hold.

He probably got to know your pet too, formed memories and came to love them as well.

It wont hit him as hard though .

Kaeya will also be patient with you, theres no rush to heal over what happened or finish your grievances. Expect him to be there with you for the majority of the time, he might ask for a couple of days just to stay with you.

But Kaeya still needs to work, hence time not being one of the main providers he can give you. Instead, he would wrap you in his arms and wouldnt let go. Physical contact and giving are what he’s gonna be doing.

You feel hungry for eggs and bacon? Chef Kaeya to the rescue-

Tbh I dont even know if he can cook.

Like Venti, he will remind you constantly that he’s there. Because he knows that its exactly what he needed back when Crepus died. He’ll remind you through his words, actions, and contact.

24/7 Cuddle buddy.

He most definitely calls you nicknames all the time, but the names before the death of your pet might have been more like, babe, doll, honey. He might’ve switched to love, dear, dearest, stuff like that for a little.

Idk- but ‘Your pet loved you doll,’ doesnt sound as nice as, ‘Your pet loved you dear.

_-_-_-_

“We made so many memories with them,” he whispered into your ear, arms around you. “You were always there with them, loved and took care of them, I know they loved and appreciated you for it.”

_-_-_-_

“I’m fine Kaeya,” you mumbled as he held the cup of tea to your lips. Your hands could easily grasp the sides, but for some odd reasons he insisted on being the one to do everything for you. You knew it was partly because he’d have to start going back to work soon, and he just wanted you to feel comfortable.

“I know,” he simply said, a smile playing at his lips. “But I want to spoil you with love, just take it.”

You felt your throat go dry and your chest thud painfully, something you’d gotten used to since yesterday. The loss of your pet struck hard, but you found it all the more bearable with Kaeya, who stood alongside you through it all.

Finishing the tea, he climbed into bed with you, hand coming to pull you close to his chest. His fingers slowly brushed the skin of your back, soothing patterns that would send you to sleep right away. But instead, you nuzzled your head deeper into his chest.

“I miss them,” you spoke softly.

Kaeya didnt stop with the motions on your back, but instead drifted his other hand to the back of your head. He brushed his fingers through your locks, lowering how own head down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“I know you do,” was what he said in a whisper. “Theres nothing wrong with it either, you will miss them for an eternity.” He spoke from experience, but was never harsh with his words as if he expected you to know. “But eventually, you will solely remember those good memories with (Pet name). Those are the only ones that matter, because you made them happy, and they made you happy.”

The deep breath you took in was painful.

But he was right, you knew well that their memories and your yearning for them would turn into a past adoration. You would never forget them, but you’d come to accept their loss and always remember them in a happy light.

“Thank you,” you mumbled softly to the boy, wrapping your hands around his waist. “You always know what to say and do… thank your for being here for me.”

“I will always be here for you,” was his answer.

[fanficwritinggirl]

This is due to the fact that when i was 14 years old i met Bill Weasley. And when i mean i met him i mean we were only introduced to each other. I was spending the summer at the Weasleys which i did every summer since i started Hogwarts. And this was the one time that Bill Weasley decided that he was going to come and spend a few days with his family and this was when i first met him.

I must admit that seeing him for the first time was like something out of a romance movie or novel. Like time litrally stopped. I remember looking at him and thinking that he was the most beautiful man that i had ever seen. He gave his family a cheerful good morning and kissed his mother on the cheek and then sat down opposite to me. I remember our eyes meeting and he smiled at me and offered his hand to me. "Bill Weasley nice to meet you. You must be Y/N L/N" he introduced. And he said it in the most sweetest way that it made me swoon. I gave him a small smile and a nod and he left it at that. I sat there listening to him talk about his work. And the passion that was in his voice when he spoke of it made me fall for him. I know that it is cleche but that is the only way that i can describe it. I had never met someone as amazing as Bill Weasley and i never shall as i declare that he is the most amazing person that i have ever met. And that might just be my dumb teenage mind but he is in all honsetly as passionate, beautiful individual.

2 years after the battle of Hogwarts i was now 19 years old and you could say that a lot of things had changed since then. Well for a start Ron and Hermione are together. Harry and Ginny are together. And our poor Fred was sadly killed in the battle to sum it up. The dynamic that had taken place in the Weasley house was never the same after the death of Fred. And i wouldnt expect anything less. I miss what the twins had. The pranks that they pulled. I feel as though the light had gone out. That the magic that once filled the home will never be whole again. And that broke my heart. But i am 19 now. An adult and i have to face the fact that life isnt full of happiness and that this was one of the many hard things that i was going to have to face.

Me and Ron sat  in the sitting room of the weasley home playing an intense game of Wizards Chess. And once again i was losing. Ron was still the best chess player that i knew even 8 years later. I groan as Ron beats me once again. "Seriously Ron you have to at least give me a chance to win" i whine. He laughs. "Well maybe if you would practice more you might stand a chance of beating me" he boasts and i gasp. "Ronald Weasley dont be such a cocky git" i say as i hit him in the arm and he laughs at me as i sulk.

"What are you doing now Ron" Hermione asks as she walks in. Ron giggles. "She is sulking because i beat her again at Wizards Chess" he tells her. Hermione shakes her head and kisses his forehead. "Im sorry to tell you this Y/N but i dont think that you are ever going to beat him. Trust me i dont like to increase his ego but he is the best chess player and we both know that" she says sympathetically and i groan again and stand up. "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We know" i joke and we all laugh.

"Its lovely to see some laughing in here" a voice says and we turn and see Bill Weasley standing at the edge of the sitting room. I freeze not expecting Bill to be here. "Bill what are you doing here" Ron says happily as he stands up and goes to hug his brother. "Decided that i would stay a few days and grace you all with my presence" he states as he hugs Ron. I look at Bill and can see the bags that are under his eyes. Which honestly he looks better then what i expected to look like after everything that he had been through.

Not long after the battle of Hogwarts. Bill and his wife Fleaur divorced. I guess you could say that with the PTSD and the loss of Fred took a toll on their marriage and it inevetable ended in Fleaur leaving on morning and never coming back and a few weeks later divorce papers showed up at shell cottage and then Bill knew that his marriage was over. After signing the divorce papers he moved back in with the weasleys for a few months getting affairs in order and deciding what was the next move which for him was buying an apartment in the city so that he was closer to work and from what i had been told by the rest of the Weasleys his life had been work ever since. It was heartbreaking to see a man that was once so passionate about his work loose that spark because of a broken heart. I had seen him briefly a few months back when i was at diagon alley at the bank and i must admit he looked better now than he did then.

Bill pulls back from Ron and smiles at me and Hermione. "Its nice seeing you two again. Im sorry i havent been around much work and all" he apoligies and me and hermione shake our heads. "Bill dont worry about it. Works work. Your here now" Hermione says kindly. He grins at us. "Thank you that is really nice of you. I just wanted to come and see you all before i go and see Mum. You know her she is going to keep me stuck in converstation all night at this point" he jokes and we all laugh at that. Very well knowing what Molly Weasley was like. "Go on Bill go and see her now if you want to get to bed at a decent hour" Ron says giving him a pat on the back. Bill shakes his head with a grin on his face and heads off upstairs towards. My mind was racing now. Because all i could think about was the fact that the feelings that i had bedded deep down about Bill Weasley were now coming to the surface.

Which a few days later made me completely and utterly scrood. It started with just little things between me and Bill. One morning Molly asked us to wash the dishes and it was just our hands touching that i could feel the sparks that people talk about. All of us playing a game of ball and him moving the hair from the side of my face and staring into my eyes. Him opening the door for me with a smile. It was things like this that made me relise that i was hopelessly in love with Bill Weasley and i could be. He was one of my best friends brothers and that meant that it was a big no no in the eyes of my friendship with Ron which meant that i was going to have to keep my distance.

I was standing at the sink as i was washing the dishes which was something that i offered to always do as a way of helping Molly out which i didnt mind. I loved the view that the kitchen gave me. Right out onto the garden were Ron, George and Bill were currently messing around in the garden together. Casting funny spells on each other and the laughs that was coming from them was bittersweet as there was one Weasley that would have been there. And yes im talking about Fred. And obviously Percy is another weasley sibling which i must admit that after the battle he has tried more with the family but he is still the outsider in a way. I dont know much about Percy and i dont really want to know him all to well.

But back to the view. I loved looking at Bill mess around with his brothers. There was a look of happiness the old Bill in his eyes which i know that we have all missed. The Bill that i remember falling for when i was 14. But this Bill there was so much more to him and that made me more intregued.

"So which one of my brothers are you looking at and please tell me it is not Ron" a voice asks from behind me. I come out of my daze and turn and see Ginny standing behind me. I look at her shocked before shaking my head. "Why would i be staring at Ron Ginny" i ask her confused. She sighs. "Good that is the answer that i wanted now that means that there are only 2 of my brothers that you could have been staring at. Now is it my brother George who is a hilarious guy even though he isnt much anymore but still can be. And can make any girl fall with his jokes. Or is it my eldest brother Bill. Who is passionate, determined and someone who you have been in love with since you were 14. Now let me see ene meany miney..." she says but i cut her off.

"Ginny! Stop okay i know that you know" i burst and she smirks at me. "Of course i know. I know everything. And just to let you know i think you should go for it" she expalins to me with a smirk. I just looks at her and groan. "Ginny he was barley been divorced a year yet alone ready for anew relationship and anyway what about the age difference" i try to excuse so that she would stop talking about it. She shakes me head and me. "No no no. Dont start trying to feed me all of this age difference bs. Come on like 10 years isnt that bad. Like i mean there are people who get married to others who are like 40 years older than them. Which makes you and Bill normal" she trys to persuade me. I sigh and shake my head. "Like i said Ginny he and Fleaur have barely been split up a year. And anyway he probarbly doesnt look at me like that" i doubt and go back to washing the dishes.

"Look Y/N. I know how you feel i thought Harry thought the same thing about me but hey look at us now. We might think one way about something but you know we may be wrong. And i can see the way that you and Bill are together. The way that you two move around each other its like a dance. Its like you two are meant to move together. That you are meant to be together. And i believe in soulmates and i know that you two are. I never got any of this off of Bill and Fleaur. The connection but i do now. And im telling you to go for it. Trust me" she explains. I look at her shocked. Trying to take everything in. She gives me a smile knowing that i am going to think about it. Once she leaves a bend myself over the sink with both elbows on either side of it and put my head in my hands and sigh. This is just making things harder.

Later that night i lie in bed not being able to sleep. What Ginny had said to me had got me fucked up in the way that now i cant decide what to do. I get out of bed after trying for way to long to get to sleep and head down to the kitchen to get myself some milk to help me go to sleep. I walk down there and grab some milk from the fridge and pour some in a pot to put over the stove.

"Y/N" a voice asks and i turn around and see Bill standing there looking at me with sleepy eyes. "Sorry if i woke you"i apoligise. He shakes his head and walks further into the kitchen. "You didnt i was up doing some work" he informs me and i enternally groan. He needs to stop working so much. "Well anyway then. Sorry for disturbing you. Can i offer you a mug of warm milk i heard that it helps on feel more relaxed. Or at least it did when i was a child" i say and he laughs and nods his head. "Yes please but i have a little bit of a request on how to make it better" he says as he walks to the pantree and i pour some milk into some mugs. He comes back out and has some cinnamon in his hand and sprinkles it on the top of the milk. "Mum used to do this when we are little. It just made the drink feel more at home" he says. He turns his head up and looks at me straight in the eyes. And once again there it was. The spark. The connection that i felt was there. To my dissapointment he pulls back and looks at me with intent smile.

"Why dont you try it" he says to me referring to the milk. I break out of the trance that i was in and take a sip of the milk. And he was right. The drink tasted more of home. And now all i could think about when i thought of the milk was him. I see him take a drink of his milk before our eyes meet again. He moves the milk away from his lips and puts it on the counter. He moves closer to me and before i know what is happening his lips are on mine. And a zoo erupts in my stomach. I put my own milk down and wrap my arms around his neck as he deepens it. Devoruing my lips and feeling every part of my body. He moves his hands down to my ass and grabs it pulling me up into his arms before setting me down on the counter.

My breathes are heavy. It is so hard to breathe when i am so intoxicated with him. The feeling of him of my skin. The burning that i feel in my core. This man was a drug. He pulls aways and looks at me. He smirks when he sees me so out of breathe. He moves a part of my C/H out of my face and looks deep in my eyes.

"I have wanted to do that for some long you dont understand. From the first time that i saw you the other day. I knew that you were something else. Something about you was causing me to feel something that i have never felt before and i know now that is because you are my drug Y/N. Your my drug and i hope that i am yours" he asks me. All i can do is nod my head. "Your my drug Bill. And i want all of you" i tell him and once again i am being devoured by him. He lifts me up once again and lifts me upstairs to his room and you can fill in the rest.

The next morning i wake up with Bill lying naked next to me on his back with him slightly snorning next to me. I giggle and turn and stroke his cheek and also planting a kiss. His hands moves up and holds mine and he smiles. "Morning" he says and i smile. "Morning" i say as he kisses me. I sigh. He is my drug. He pulls me closer and groans. "We are going to have to tell them arent we" he asks. I nod as i curl into him. "Yeah we are but i have a feeling that they already know" i inform him and he looks at me confused. "And how would they know" he asks me cheekely. "Well i have a feeling that we may have not been that quiet last night" i say mischeviously. He smirks and leans closer. "I believe that you are correct on that but i would say that it was mostly you calling my name that they heard" he whispers in my ear and i moan. He flips us over and pins my hands over my head. "And i think that for you being a naughty girl and not being quiet last night i might need to punish you" he purrs. The feeling of my core heats up once again. "And how might you do that William" i ask him. I slowly feel him slide his hand down to my pussy and put a finger in and i groan. "I have a few ideas" he says before taking me.

You could say that we were correct. When we walked down the stairs everyone was looking at us. Molly and Arthur looked a little unconfertable. Which i dont blame them. I dont think they preferably wanted to hear their son having sex. Hermione, Ron, Harry and George looked completely shocked and Ginny of course was sitting there with a smug look on her face. Bill sighs. "Ok i know that most of you are shocked right now and i understand that completely. And im sorry that you had to hear that last night. But i just want to let you know that i love Y/N. I love her and some of you might think that it is a bit early after the divorce and all but i know its now. I know that what we feel for each other is stronger than anything that i have ever felt and that will never change. So all i ask is for you please just be happy for us" Bill exclaims. They all just blink at us before Ron is the first to speak.

"Can i just asks. From how hard your bed was going against the wall im surprised that you are even walking Y/N" he jokes. Molly wacks him around the head. "Ronald Weasley" she exclaims and we all laugh. We know that they accept us and Bill kisses my head before we head to the table. We recive some awkward hugs and pats on the back which was expected but at the end of the day i have Bill and Bill has me.

[matoitech]

13 35 & 40 for the ask game!

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

most of them cause as much trouble as possible gbdhhg its the autistic swag <3

35. Any sibling characters?

answered! all i can remember off the top of my head r angel and calla tho i know other ocs have siblings i just havent worked on them yet 🤔

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

i have nice memories of rping with my warrior cat ocs (a lot of which i dont use anymore but still fun) and some memories of drawing blue as a kid, especially ones listening to music :) i always associate hot fuss by the killers with him now bcuz i listened to it so much when drawing him lol. i have a lot of music associations with certain ocs bcuz of stuff like that!

[dearhaos]

i'm gonna b soooo crazy bc i want to know a lot jdksngjhs 1, 2, 18, 23, 30 (sorry <3), and 40 for donghan reestablish urself as a the donghantual 🎤

would u look at that i thought abt this for literal days n my answers havent gotten any better from day 1 <3 anyways it's about time i finally answer this uve waited long enough im sowwy erieri i lov u thank u for asking thank u for waiting

1. who do you most want to take care of?

honestly u know what . im pretty certain im just fundamentally incapable of taking care of people . but that aside . like . like definitely most of husband n bf/gf lines which once again is like . just most ppl in general . but like in a mutual love n care kinda way . BUT like that aside bc that feels like . an obvious answer,, jiheon my daughter? shes my daughter i better take care of her u know...

nd admittedly not answering the question here as these r suppsoed to be bias asks nd they arent my biases but i just want to mention that . as u know i think we as a society should baby youngtae more. he deserves to be cared for in a way more babying way than he currently is and im about to make it MY job. + minhee bc hes my younger brother-shaped bestie like hes my younger brother like hes not but he is but hes not but he is i havent like fully decided whether he is or not but like he is .

2. who do you most want to take care of you?

ok so this is like . like not to b me but like . Like literally anyone fr . like 85% of my bias list like . but the first thoughts whenever i tried to consider this were swoo / sik !! also they'd def do it in a v different way but also lino / chanhee

18. any groups where you have a hard time picking a bias at all?

hmmm i usually spot someone im interested in p quickly when i check out a group even if that person doesn't end up sticking? i maybe tend to like . branch out a lot more as time goes by so it's more of like . it's not that i'm struggling to pick a bias im just like actually slowly falling for everyone . . . but i usually am still mostly attached to like my earlier picks?? ik i switched between biases a lot in got7 & mx.... and i think i perhaps struggle more w ggs? but that's prob bc 1) i watch less content for them since 2) i think i may be trying to get less attached to them bc they like....idk if they actually statistically do but it feels like they tend to disappear and/or disband more often like ..? or maybe its post-pristin trauma

OH TBZ & SF9 (& up10tion to an extent) ... at this point i have literally biased almost all of them at some point ... sf9 feels like i settled more than tbz my tbz ranking will always be a mess idk whats going on w that like ever . ox are interesting because i HAVE a set in stone . set of biases that i feel V strongly about but like i do . like like a lot of the other members too sdbk

23. any particular clips or pics that you find comforting of a bias?

the entirety of hwan's ig live from his birthday/the evening before his birthday..................................................................... the entirety of hyuk's guitar vlive w jeonghoon (200817) (nd all of hyuk's guitar vlives ive seen so far rlly) . idk if i would call jeonghoon's dance class vlives comforting but like maybe i would idk ... the replay one in particular (200923)!! that one vity dorm vlive (wonjin & taeyoung ft allen n mini?) . all of the vlives ive seen have been comforting to me i think at least to a degree ?? 2min dekira all of it for real . oui go up s2 in particular i think.. any clips or pics of dal

bouncy kangsung <3 no no seungmin <3 i get all my life energy from this <3 this itzy clip is rlly rlly comforting <3 190817 hwan the story fancam <3 ox play dumb (my cut specifically) <3

30. are there any songs that make you think of them?

just ask for my wanji playlist directly if u want it so bad </3

as u . probably know i like . am obsessed n thus i could probably find a few songs for any of my biases (nd even not biases.) cover-wise so u know what im gonna put that aside we will not b mentioning any of that. we will put away songs that i associate w them bc they are like Actually connected to them in any way. just so that u dont have to read this for the next 50 hours .

i made a mistake and now i associate hwan w cignature's boyfriend & 1d kiss you (nd a few more but im not about to make a fool of myself nope u domt need to know just how bad it is) . nd there's nothing i can do about that . i just have to live like this now . jeonghoon w hey violet hoodie & waterparks dream boy & svt kidult & chungha cherry kisses . jay w sabrina carpenter's diamonds are forever & hey violet queen of the night & ed sheeran take me back to london . beomgyu w avril lavigne's sk8ter boy & allstar weekend hey princess & the summer set lightning in a bottle . yeonjun w loote are you sure? & sasha alex sloan matter to you & nightly twenty something

n junseo once again Not a bias but . yena's pretty boys & purkiss hate me hurt me love me

40. express how much they mean to you no limit ramble as much as you want (donghan edition i know what u tried to do there and i appreciate it an insane amount but im like idk if i have anything to say actually)

i feel like my favourite clip that i think about every single day of my life says it all actually . i don't like . Actually have a lot to say i just love men who are highkey annoying and they Know it his huge puppy energy (puppy that is huge energy) (also he's not a puppy he's just a big dog who doesn't realize he's not a puppy anymore) is everything to me . i love annoying men . please be mine . he also has this laugh that's like RLLY rlly nice to listen to (n he looks so cute when he laughs) . his blinking . habit?? is also endearing !! also he sang late night call which like deserves to be mentioned on its own. it's actually like kinda funny to me that i AM attached to him as much as i am because like i don't think i even remembered his name when he was in jbj? (didnt pay any attention to him anyway for sure) and i actually- and this is about to be shocking and it will feel like a betrayal etc and i am v ashamed of myself . but i didn't like sunset when it first came out . and it didnt help that i didnt like good night kiss either (this one didnt change much im still not a Huge fan . i do see it differently now after all this time tho like i do like her to an extent . shes his worst tt tho) . but focus changed my life (real) and at some point i just magically became obsessed w sunset n im pretty sure that was a WHILE before we got news of oui debuting a group so i was just sitting in my room being like when is this man coming back im obsessed w him now he cannot just fully disappear (n shes waiting for a solo cb to this day oui ent im on my knees) . he's not my fave performer prob not even in wei but like you can See how much he cares nd that's like so .......... sooooo !!! u know? also once again he just has an aura u know . as a performer . idk eri i cant rant about most ppl i like when im asked to im sorry i know u tried to help me out there but

[sanchoyo]

ok some Free Range bnha thoughts. I think I left off around 300 when I paused reading it week to week so I started at 290 to Refresh. obviously, spoilers below the cut , but I'm not saying anything that hasnt been said b4 probably. just My Thoughts. turns out I wasn't like, 80 chapters behind but roughly 30-40, which is. A lot less thank GOD. but yes these are my thoughts (mostly typed as I went, borderline liveblogging lol) as I just binged and caught up completely ✌

-afo needs to Not Be a BodySnatching DICKBAG!!!! love spinners lil moment of wtf. youre not who im following </3 same bestie get your boyfriend and run!!! or pick up ur sword and Stab afo. whichever.

-I really have mixed feelings on the whole todoroki situation that im reserving to talk in depth about until the manga finishes because, im not sure if this is true but ive heard its near its end, and I'd like to see how they tie it up and 'resolve' that situation before being too harsh. but for now: rei was brave to go in the hospital room and talk to endeavor. I think bb touya is SUCH a sad situation. I just feel bad for all of them UGH. my kids now.

-the talk w the ofa users in dekus mind had me kinda laughing, it looks like a kingdom hearts cutscene w the THRONES. also deku quitting school, oof. the series is called my hero ACADEMIA NOT MY HERO DROPOUT!!! (i can make this joke as a dropout. deku 🤝me dropping out I guess) Nana asking if he could kill shigaraki HURT I KNOW SHE DOESNT WANT HIM TO EITHER BUT STILL. READING IT HAD ME LIKE NOO!!! NO!!!!! very happy with dekus answer tho. good egg. u better not. trusting u deku. dont

-first ofa user Pretty. they said his name and I immediately forgot it <3

-dekus vigilante look is SOOO SICK THE EYES MAN!!! obsessed. also all might basically acting as support/sidekick is SOOO good. making him eat n stuff. Dad Alert.

-im glad they brought back some of the villains in the jail break!! it was a rly nice way of showing dekus progress, like the muscular fight was so hard for him way way back when and he just basically took him out super fast/easily now..the Progress!!! I love to see it.

-lady nagant top 10 girlbosses. hawks wishes he was her. chad nagant vs virgin hawks etc etc shes what I wanted his character to be (im not...super disappointed w hawks bc I never 100% believed hed go bad fr like some ppl did, but I loved the fanworks that explored it, and shes basically the Defected Ex Hero I wanted...and shes VERY PRETTY and I am very much a lesbian, so I love her. Her colors too!! are cotton candy colors!!!! and shes got the Guns (literally and also Muscles!!!) she looked afo in the face without flinching and was like oh why Should I Help u U Bastard, no fear at all. even if she ended up working for him or whatever for a few chapters. still A Queen <3 a very small screentime queen but. women in shonen mangas. u know.

-class 1A literally Fighting To Get Deku to Come Home and Bathe. is touching and very sad. the power of friendship plots always GET ME. URGH. BAKUGO!!!!!!! APOLOGIZING!!!!!!! ITS FINE THIS IS F I N E "SAVING PEOPLE IS HOW WE WIN" GOD THE CHARACTER DEVOLPMENT!!! BAKUGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;O;

-I know we've seen it before (or partially) but thirteen has an incredibly cute face. it has to be said

-NAME a more iconic duo than uraraka and that bigass megaphone

-ragdoll SPOTTED. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-and the guy from the very first chapter!!! this dude has always been the real mvp. hes stll being nice and supportive. king. give him a spinoff

-im glad they explained why kurogiri(and, bc we havent seen them, im assuming also gigantomachia and compress?? are also there or somewhere thats kept private??) werent in the jailbreak (that they carted them off elsewhere) I was wondering abt that...

-all the callbacks really makes this arc feel FINAL. my god, even the woman all might saved from kamino is back!!! I knew abt stain coming back (tho I didnt know exactly what hed do) but seeing HER got me for some reason. anyway. gay icon stain . also feminist ally stain (slitting the 'woman collector' guys throat) we have no choice but to stan

-tsukauchi stubble???? ok??? its a look I guess. is all might into it

-'shigaraki tomura will be a Complete Vessel in three days time' NO THE FUCK HE WONT!!!! STOP THAT. THATS ILLEGAL

-THE WAY STARS AND STRIPES IS DRAWN MORE LIKE A WESTERN COMIC IS SUCH A NICE TOUCH LMAOOO SHES SO AMERICAN. HER QUIRK IS INSANE ALSO. ALSO SHES FROM THE MOVIE WHAT?? I REMEMBER HER. god they really are bringing every nameless minor character back im EMO

-...has spinner just been stuck in a cave with afo. stuck with him, sassing him. this is hilarious to me for some reason god I would be at my fucking limit. spinner stay strong you amazing wonderful funky guy. wheres the rest of the league. LOOK at spinners face, hes so done with this I cant. this is the Most Important Thing.

-'the one who SPINS this tale' look I know its a line from afo but that RULES and hes right. spinner is SO important. stan spinner or Die

-god, the league members basically being promoted to being cult leaders/borderline WORSHIPPED 'hold them sacred, endow them with divinity' thats SO RAW I'm!!!! losing it like they all came from nothing now theyre SYMBOLS. my god. spinner doesnt even seem happy about it, none of the league members they were showing looked remotely happy. Makes U Think...

-

hot. next question (wait is it weird to simp when hes partially afo. hm.) (also that HAIR GROWTH!!!!!! NEVER CUT IT NEVER NEVER NEVER.) it spontaneously grew after I typed that, so consider ME pleased

-YESSS MR WORLDWIDE COME TAG AMERICA WE LOVE U HERE. ABSOLUTE JOY. sorry about the fact ur fused with afo rn and will possibly have uhh. identity related crisises and traumas from this later but. glad u look like ur havin fun :')

-damn america getting his ass. im so sorry :( (but also, kicking afo ass which is a good thing?? SOO conflicted I dont want tomura to die but afos gotta GO)

-again, hot, which is conflicting bc afo is very much also present, but, cmon, its tomuras body and face....n probably at least 25-50% tomura still...:/

-im...glad?? they delayed the complete fusion?? but owchie. at what cost to my boy :(

-the scene with afo patting shigaraki (who is thrashing around on the floor) parallels the scene of that happening when afo had taken in shigaraki at first and he was on the floor crying and wanting to kill those random alley thugs!!! that has to be intentionally calling that back, right? the imagery is very similar. again, loving the callbacks

-I rly thought they were gonna make invigirl the traitor and i was like ok who Cares abt that tho. then they did a lil switcharoo and made it MY BOY AOYAMA?? MY SWEET SON WHO I SHARE A BIRTHDAY WITH??? WHAT THE FUCK!!! HOW DID I NOT GET SPOILED ON THIS?? I remember the cheese stuff and being like haha good red herring. FUCK!!! NO!!!! hes such a good boy im WEEPING. HE WAS ORIGINALLY QUIRKLESS TOOOOO NOOOO!!! baby. babyboy. hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever, and omg invisible girls FACEEEE SHES SO CUTE. but god. aoyama. and dekus reaction to his whole story and still reaching out to him I AM. EMO. the drama of it alllllll . hes literally one of my fav student characters in this class and HAS BEEN FOREVER bc I love his whole knightly costume and SPARKLES and this just made him SKYROCKET FURTHER ON MY LIST OF CHARACTERS OF ALL TIME. hes so so so good. I need everyone to take a moment to just. Appreciate him.

now

appreciate

HER

-THIS is what absolute perrfection looks like. look at her!!! her belt is a cat. cat girls always win and save the day.

-toga sucks her own blood as a ?? comfort thing?? thats. should I say cute?? would it be weird to call that cute. would it be weird to say dabi burning her house down was also very cute, and nice, because she said it too, so like. very nice of him. top 10 reasons hes not Totally Lost: hes Nice to His Friends :)

-spinner being the...new symbol/leader in redestros place is SO???? UGH. UGHHH. HES ALWAYS BEEN A FOLLOWER AND NOW HES JUST BLINDLY FOLLOWING ORDERS TO BE MADE A SYMBOL, OR WHATEVER, I GUESS. very sad and I feel like him saying 'it doesnt matter what I think, this cant be stopped' are u implying u want to stop it. u can. u gotta. reach out to him man u HAVE TO BE THE ONE!!! its the bakugo/kiri kamino situation all over again. even if deku has to guide u it HAS TO BE U!!!! STOP FOLLOWING AND THINK FOR URSELF!!! U CAN DO IT!!!!!! 'anyone can become someone elses hero' YEAH HES GONNA. U BET HES GONNA. I BELIEVE IN HIM!!!

-....YOU NAMED YOUR STRONGHOLD TROY???...ALRIGHT. SURE. THATS FINE AND NOT WORRYING. I mean we already KNOW the war is gonna Go Down But. cmon man. CMON.

-togachako REAL

-shouto is too good for this world he wants to go to dinner w his big bro :( DABI COME HOME 2K22

-im sure ppl have figured out theories about this before but, something about the way they phrased it when they were wondering why afo needed tomuras rage (and why he was always smiling, implying smth is Fucking Wrong with Him, besides all the Murder and Crimes) had me like. hm. are we.. actually going to get more afo backstory at all or an in depth explanation for that? I'd kind of like to, even if I think its fine if we don't because we Get The Gist and idk how much the creator wants us to sympathize/understand his character beyond the ~evil demon king~ (and thats not me saying he needs anything beyond that, tbh not every villain needs it and esp not the big bad in a lot of cases) but. this story, esp in this last arc has us AND the main characters sympathizing with the villains a Lot and exploring why theyre like that, and it makes me wonder if theyll extend that to him at all, or just, keep trying to Get His Ass. And we do know togas quirk is the reason shes Like That, so it doesnt feel like a stretch to say afos quirk is why hes Like That also. (NOT ME SAYING HE NEEDS ANYTHING LIKE REDEMPTION DEAR GOD. AFTER WHAT HES PUTTING MY BOY THRU. ARGH. deku would have to be a SAINT. which he is, but...) actually, proof of this is also just. him going after star and stripes quirk KNOWING tomuras body wasnt finished, even saying it was a risk but basically being like. 'well..but... I WANT it. even if i know its dangerous to get it Right Now. But I want it Right Now.' as a reason KJDSHKJASNJ its very likely thats the case. quirks being a very literal nurture vs nature exploration I guess?

-very glad I typed all the above out WHILE reading bc if I wouldve waited, I wouldnt have had a coherent thought. its almost 5 AM but I am...caught up. And about to look at leaks before I sleep >:")

[collegecoward]

Hey, so I graduated this past May and since then I've just been working 40 hours a week. I feel like I need to go to college to do something with my life but I feel like theres so much in my way and I havent done anything to even start and I dont have a clue what I'd want to do. I'm so unsure on how to do anything regarding financial aid or even applying to colleges. I'm also worried that it wouldn't work with my schedule for my job. I work 5 days with 2 off days and I'm on evenings so I feel like I wouldn't be able to balance work and school, but I would have to bc I'm my only financial support. Sorry for the dumping my problems, but any advice?

How To Do College 101

Congratulations on your graduation! Working a full-time job after graduation (during a freaking pandemic, no less) is no small feat either, and I applaud you for that, too. Once upon a time, I was like you: I didn’t know anything about college except that I wanted to go, and now I run a blog telling people how to go to college. College might be strange and unfamiliar now, but in time, you will learn how to do it! 

This might be my longest post, so strap in for a fun ride!! My answer comes to you in three parts:

How To Do Community College

How To Do University

How To Do Financial Aid

P.S. I’m going to say this only once, but feel free to ask why: Do not attend a for-profit college. Okay, now onto the basics!

How To Do Community College

I encourage you to read my Ode to Community College. Community colleges are real colleges designed for people who are low on funds, are working or have other responsibilities, don’t know what they want to study yet, and/or don’t know how college works yet.

Step 1: Applying

Community colleges accept anyone who applies, and the application is usually just like filling out a job application, but you will also need to send in your high school transcript, and I recommend sending any test scores. Your college may have you take a placement test to see if you’re ready for college. If you’re not quite ready, they may have you take some pre-college courses in English or math before you officially start a degree program.

Step 2: Choosing a Degree Program

Among other things, community colleges award associate’s degrees, which are essentially the first two years of a bachelor’s degree at a four-year college or university. You’ll take introductory classes like English, math, science, and social sciences, as well as electives (i.e. fun classes). Here’s a list of programs that might be offered at your community college.

Step 3: Taking the Right Classes

Make sure you stick to your college’s degree plan so that you take classes that 1) count toward your associate’s degree and 2) will transfer to a university. Most classes you take for an associate’s degree (AA, AS, or AFA) should transfer to a bachelor’s degree (BA, BS, or BFA) easily enough, but sometimes universities aren’t very transfer-friendly. The best option is to transfer to a university that has a partnership with your community college, which is information you should be able to find on your community college’s website. If your community college doesn’t have any partners, you’ll want to research the transfer policies at the universities you’re interested in and follow their guidelines on what classes to take.

Step 4: Transferring

In your last year of community college, you will apply to a four-year college or university for your bachelor’s degree. You’ll need to pick a major when you apply because for the next two years, that’s what you will be studying. Make sure you tour the university before you attend and get acclimated before your first day! 

How To Do University

Whether or not you attend community college for the first two years or enroll directly into a four-year college or university, you’ll want to understand how to navigate the basics as early as possible.

Step 1: Exploring Your Options

Use my Self-Reflection Toolkit and this quiz from Marquette University to explore potential majors. These are just meant to get you thinking and guide you as you learn more about yourself and your interests. This process will take time to research and figure out, and if you enroll directly into a four-year college you can change your major after you apply. As I mentioned, the first two years are mostly basics and figuring stuff out, so either way you have time. 

I was very bad at choosing colleges to apply to and applied almost at random. I learned a lot from those mistakes, and on my FAQ page you’ll see me trying to impart that wisdom on others. I recommend doing your research, going on virtual tours, and getting used to just looking at college websites, even if you don’t know what you want yet. Start by window shopping for colleges in your state and see what they have to offer you. College Board also has tools for finding a college that fits your needs. It’s worth starting as early as possible, and I know that you can do it. Like I said, I was really bad at it and I still made it through.

Step 2: Applying

Applying to a four-year college will take more steps than a community college application. Many colleges require letters of recommendation, essays, and application fees (look on their websites for fee waivers). More information is on my FAQ page, of course, but be prepared to complete these steps before application deadlines. Each college sets its own deadline, but if you want to go next year, you’ll likely need to apply by January or February. Applying can be daunting, but you will need to do it at some point, even if you go to community college first. 

Step 3: Finding Resources

Access any and all resources your university offers, which will include advising, counseling, career services, and more. The same is true at a community college, but I would argue it’s even more true at a university. You might find out about internships, research opportunities, fun events, and all that stuff that excited you when you saw it on your university’s website! Even if you don’t feel like you need resources, you’re paying for them, so you might as well use them! Often people won’t know how to help you unless you tell them you’re struggling, like how you told me what you’re going through and I wrote a post that’s turning into a short novel! (I’ll be done soon, I promise.)

Step 4: Taking The Right Classes

Just like at a community college, you want to make sure you’re taking classes that count toward your degree and interest you. Make sure you’re following the prescribed degree plan on your university’s website and communicated by your advisor. If you find that you’ve chosen a major that doesn’t fit your interests, make sure you speak with your professors, your advisor, and anyone else whose opinion you trust.

How To Do Financial Aid

Step 1: Understanding The Basics

There are three major types of financial aid: loans (money you have to pay back after you graduate), grants (government money you’re awarded based on your financial need that you don’t have to pay back), and scholarships (money from a college or other source that is awarded for any reason that you don’t have to pay back). Loans might come from the government, your college, or a bank. I recommend borrowing from the federal government because the interest is so low (basically, it’s cheaper to pay off than a bank loan).

Step 2: Filling Out FAFSA

If you want to go to college next fall, or if you just want to do a practice round, fill out FAFSA now. I’m assuming you’re under 24, so you will need your parents’ tax information even if they’re not going to help you pay for college. Filling out FAFSA will never, not ever ever ever require you or your parents to take out any loans. Rather, FAFSA gives you access to any need-based financial aid you might be eligible for, whether that aid comes from the government or not. Loans agreements are a totally separate form, and you can take some loans without your parents’ help. If you’re not eligible for FAFSA, check whether your state or college has its own FAFSA alternative.

Step 3: Reading Your Award Letter

After a college sends an acceptance letter, they will also send a financial aid award letter. The letter will show you how much you’ve been awarded in scholarships and grants and how much you can take out in loans from the federal government or the college itself. You should compare your financial aid amount to the total cost of attendance, will you can find on the college’s financial aid webpage. The total cost of attendance is how much it costs to pay for tuition, fees, housing, and a rough estimate of your other living expenses. Basically, it’s how much it costs to be a student for one year.

As you said, I wouldn’t expect you to be able to work 40 hours while maintaining good grades, so may need to be frugal and creative to fill in any gaps financial aid didn’t cover. Private colleges tend to have a really big “sticker price,” but may offer generous scholarships as discounts, whereas public colleges tend to be cheaper and may have (large and small) scholarships to help you pay.

Step 4: Applying

In addition to the scholarships that you may be automatically awarded if you meet certain criteria, your colleges may also have scholarships that you have to apply for by yourself. This information will be located on a college’s financial aid webpage. There are also scholarships from nonprofit organizations and businesses. Visit my resources page for info, ask people you know if they’re aware of any scholarships, ask your boss and coworkers, and ask Google for “scholarships in [your town].”

Okay, I threw a lot at you, but those are the basics as I see them! You can totally do this. It’s going to be a big learning curve, but the payoffs will be big. And you can always come back here for more advice and reassurance. I’m proud of you already for thinking of your future and doing what you can to support yourself and your learning.

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[wolferals]

✨UNDER MY SKIN(S)✨

james cook x reader

„Y/n, friend." your mom shouted from downstairs. You were still busy with your english homework as you got interrupted. A sigh leaving your lips you got up from your desk to walk down to the door. Who of your friends would show up on a Tuesday night at 9pm when they knew you were busy doing schoolwork?

As your head shot around the corner you let out a frustrated moan.

The brown haired boy grinned sheepishly as he had his hands behind his back. „Cook." you spoke and approached the interrupter of your busy night.

„Hello y/n. Looking stunning."

Looking down at yourself you realized you were only wearing a big sweatshirt and some knitted socks to keep you feet warm. You were not wearing pants at all, and your hair was up in a messy bun.

„What do you want? I'm busy." You snapped at him but he just kept on smiling.

„I wanted to see if you were up for some fun. Freds and J are twats and studying for the exam tomorrow. Eff's a bit of a headache at the moment and Naomikins wont answer the door." He explained and rested his arm on the doorframe.

„Cook, as I said, I'm busy."

He made his lip tremble a bit, making you roll your eyes at him. „Come on y/n/n, just for an hour or two. I promise I dont got any drugs this time. I just dont wanna be alone right now. I'm going through something."

You again rolled your eyes at this jackass and joked:"Did Effy not wanna fuck you tonight? I'm really sorry. But fuck, fine. I just gotta get dressed. Come in and close the door behind you."

Like a little kid he let out a happy laugh as you walked upstairs, noticing that Cook was following you.

„Hello? Privacy? Also my mom won't like you being in my room with me, at that time especially."

He closed the door to your room and started looking around while you rummaged through your closet.

„You got a nice room y/n/n. Why havent I been in here?"

He asked and played with your dreamcatcher.

„Well because you're a dick Cookie? And I dont like dicks in my room."

-„Thats cool, but hey now you got one in your room. A big one. One that could make you feel real good."

He started laughing and pointed at his crotch. „Fuck you Cook. Turn around."

You quickly took off your sweater and threw on a white cardigan and paired it with a pair of some wide legged jeans.

„Okay I'm done." you then spoke and watched Cook scan your body from head to toe. „Looks cute."

You were surprised by his choice of words but didn't complain. Smiling, you grabbed your stuff and you two headed downstairs.

„Mom, I'll have to help Cook with something real quick, I'll be back in an hour."

You were about to open the front door when your mom stood in the hall. „Where are you going?" She asked, a serious expression on her face.

„Just around the block. I promise I'll be back soon."

Cook just stood there and watched you and your mom discuss but suddenly spoke up:"Ms y/l/n, I promise I'll have her back in exactly one hour. I'll take care of her, nothing will happen to your daughter I swear."

You stared at him in disbelief. That Cook new words like „I promise" or „I'll take care" shocked you a bit.

„Fine. One hour. You have a test tomorrow sweetheart, have that in mind." Your mom finally let you go and Cook didnt waste any more time slipping through the door outside, pulling you with him.

„Wow your mum seems..."

-„I know." you scoffed and shut the door.

Cook took a deep breath as well.

„So you ready for the exam tomorrow?" He then asked.

Walking down the dark street you shrugged your shoulders at him. „I think so but to be honest I was too tired to make anything stay in my brain tonight."

He laughed lightly and replied:"Welcome to my world."

You gave him a quick glance before continuing to walk through the darkness.

It didnt make you uncomfortable being with Cook, even though in fact this was your first time being alone. You simply didn't know what to say to him. He was just too different from you.

„You wanna have some fun?" He broke the silence suddenly as you two walked towards a big building.

„Sure; whats that though?"

He gave you a devilish smirk. „Ever really partied before?"

You shook your head while Cook grabbed your hand to pull you towards the building. His hand was bigger than yours. And it was warm, it felt nice holding someone's hand. You'd never had a boyfriend to touch you but that little thing you got from him there was really nice though.

„Cook what is this place?" you asked when the red lights hit you right in the face. „You're gonna love it." He smiled at you, still holding your hand.

Once down in the basement you two met a bunch of people lining up in front of a big door.

You spotted a bouncer at front letting certain people in.

„I just need you to do one thing. Could you please flirt with that man so we can get in easier? They dont really like me here that much, you need to work with those."

Cook pointed at your boobs.

„Are you kidding?" You asked him, not believing a word he just said. „Please, I really think you'd like it, plus we dont got too much time left. I need to get you home in 40 minutes so just show him your tits and we can have some fun."

You scoffed at him but eventually pulled him up to the bouncer. The guy was around 25, attractive he was for sure but you didnt really know what to say.

„Oh you again, why dont you fuck off?" He looked at Cook.

You gave Cookie a serious look and then turned back to the bouncer. „Hi, I'm sorry I've never been here before; and my friend just told me I'd have a lot of fun in there. Dont you think you could let us in, please?" You gave him your puppy eyes and lightly bit your lip.

He looked inbetween you two and spoke:"This your girlfriend?" He was obviously speaking to Cook.

He just shook his head and you answered:"No sir he's not. We're just here to have fun. I promise we won't be here for long, just a bit of fun. Please sir?"

He breathed out and opened the door behind you. „Alright then sweetheart. And you, dont come here again after tonight." Cook grinned and pulled me inside the club, speaking a „cheers" to the bouncer before coming closer to my ear due to the loud music.

„Promise one thing y/n. Have fun. Let it all go and be free. Just for now."

You looked up at him, his face being lit by the colorful lights. He again smiled at you. „I promise." was all you said before basically jumping into the middle of the dance floor and letting yourself go. A upbeat song was playing and you just started jumping and dancing with Cook as if there was no tomorrow. He seemed to enjoy it as much as you did because he was laughing. You'd never seen him so cheerful and genuinely happy.

„Cookie?" you yelled against the loud music and grabbed onto his neck. „Thank you so much for bringing me here!"

He nuzzled his head in your neck and placed a soft kiss against your skin. „Just let go." You held onto his neck and danced with him again. His forehead rested against yours and your eyes kept locked. It felt like the world around you two had stopped. It felt like Cook and you were the only thing that mattered, as if it cured every worry in your body.

And before you could think about it, you pulled him close and placed your lips onto his. He kissed you back immediately but his kiss was different than you'd expected. It was softer, much more passionate that you'd ever imagined. His hands grabbed you by the waist until you let go of him and smiled brightly.

„Take me home Cook." He licked his lips and nodded as you two made your way through the crowd to the exit door.

Once the noise had quiet down and the only thing you could feel was your own heavy heartbeat and the cold air hitting you, you leaned against the wall. Cook did the same and let out a soft giggle.

„Did you have fun?" He asked and turned his head to look at you. „A lot." You smiled happily.

„Good. Yeah, good."

He stepped closer and placed both his hands on the wall next to your head. He looked down at you and licked his lips once again. „We still got 19 minutes. Sure you wanna go home now?"

Before you got to answer he had kissed you again. It felt too good to be true, his lips moving in perfect sync with yours. His hand on your neck and your hands in his hair.

He truly was a fantastic kisser.

And yet again, the world around you had stopped. Cook was the only thing that mattered to you and deep down you knew how wrong it all was but Cook made you feel worth it. Made you feel good about yourself.

After he let go of you, he grabbed your hand once again and you two slowly walked back to your house without saying another word.

You only caught him looking at you every now and then.

But as you stood in front of your house you turned to him and said:"Thank you Cook, I had a lot of fun in that just one hour." He laughed and replied:"Good. Im glad that I could at least make someone happy tonight."

You giggled as well before looking around to see if your mom was by any chance watching you. But the lights were off and the blinds were shut so you looked back at Cook and placed another quick kiss on his lips.

He didnt seem to be having it, so he pulled you even closer to have a proper harder kiss this time.

„I'll see you tomorrow then?" He asked and put a strand of hair behind your ear. „You see that balcony? Left window is mine. Next time make sure my mom doesnt see you."

He laughed his significant cook laugh and nodded. „Understood. But how soon would be too soon? I mean would it be inappropriate to show up in, lets say 10 minutes?"

-„Cook I'm really not the girl to..."

He grabbed your head and spoke:"No, no I just dont wanna go home yet and I wanna cuddle a bit. I'd be gone before your mum could notice anything."

„Cuddle" Cook wanted to cuddle, that was a first.

„Goodnight cook. See you tomorrow."

He nodded, let go of your hand and walked a couple of steps closer to the street.

„Its really warm tonight, I'll have to air out my room a bit though." you hinted and smiled at him before stepping inside the house. Before closing the front door you saw Cook smiling happily at you before looking up to your room for you to open the window for him. This boy was up for some closure he'd never had before.

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.