#but i feel that as an adult there comes a point where that can no longer be the strategy

[tunglo]

I would so love to watch/read that! Here's my own little bit of personal history with it:

I went in from Gotham after getting a human/android fic prompt based on the game (after which I ended up watching a run through on Youtube in German, a language I hadn't done more than read an occasional news article in since high school, and that was my only actual engagement with the gameplay...), fully expecting to write Hank/Connor, but I just could not deal with Cole's death. Like, it's a cornerstone of Hank's story, but I can't bear to think about losing a child. (Parenthood ruined true crime for me too. Just gotta stick my fingers in my ears and find something where everyone was an adult instead...)

But! There were a few people trying out Gavin/RK900 instead and, now I'm back on my wireplay bullshit, so I figure I'll give that a go. For ages I had been thinking about writing some Paul/MX-43 (Almost Human) fic but, you know, you've gotta get a new characterisation right, work out how an MX would *think*, etc. Here, on the other hand, I can write basically the same dynamic with little to no restrictions on how I want to characterise, backstory, etc, etc.

At the time there were only a few pages of Reed900 fics on A03, and a lot of them were quite heavy BDSM stuff that just wasn't my thing. I like my characters to be kind of sickeningly, adoringly in love with each other after the obligatory enemy stage - so RK900 would have to drop the cold characterisation that had been gaining favour.

Then I read a Hank/Connor fic (cos that was still overwhelmingly the main ship), I can't remember who by, that was genderswap with the idea that Connor's face was fixed into a polite smile and the resulting restrictions that placed on her.

That! That was the answer. RK900 just had extreme resting bitch face. He's not created to be public facing, it really doesn't matter to Cyberlife whether he can express emotion or not. The more android the better, in my book.

Re. the name. Nines was already widely used (this was late July 2018) but I didn't particularly like it. The designation was nine hundred. It was early enough that I didn't feel compelled to use it though, especially as what I wanted to write wasn't going to fit with much of the existing fic, so I shortened to RK instead.

I didn't really expect to get much response because, like I say, the 'norm' for the ship seemed to be pushing in a different direction and, more to the point, I'm essentially playing in a sandpit with OCs. But, to my delight, my Tumblr inbox quickly filled up with all kinds of prompts for me to write and I churned out nearly 200k before exhausting it and moving onto the next thing.

I was already on that when the first short film was announced, but I had to come back to watch that and the follow ups. It was so wild to see how much the general characterisation, etc, had changed since the beginning. I feel like, if he had the ability, the ruthless RK900 I started reading about would be sick at the thought of the character he became - even if I infinitely preferred it! xD

I need someone to make a 3+ hour video essay about the history Reed900

The origins, where it came from

The first art, fic, other fan content made for it

The most popular head-canons, Nines getting a name, different interpretations of the personalities

How the most agreed upon quality of Gavin Reed, loving coffee, comes from a scene, where the importance of him asking coffee is minuscule and it is not even confirmed that he even likes it, and it leading to the other super popular head-canon of him having insomnia

The mods and modding community

The most influential fics

The comics, and the shear amount of dubbed vids of them on youtube

The movie, the short film and the behind the scenes stuff for it. Neil Newbon engaging with the cast

It becoming the top DBH ship, with basically nonexistent characters

[ishomieokay]

ALONE TOGETHER — homelander ♡ 18+

HOMELANDER x CLEANER READER

you're homelander's cleaner, but he's found a different use for you

✰ tags // warnings: cleaner!reader, non-con, dubious consent, objectification, forced relationship, naked/clothed, vaginal sex, power imbalance, cockwarming, references to gangbang/oral/anal (not between h/r, just in a tacky porn video).

✰ summary: homelander uses you as a fleshlight while watching porn on his big tv wall. you're not into it, but you kinda are. inspired by this post.

✰ author's notes: not for the faint hearted. seriously guys, this is foul. re-uploaded/edited to be more inclusive. find the original here.

✰ taglist: @welikeimagines-andfandoms

"So, whataya wanna watch?" he asks as he runs a hand down your naked back. You stifle a sound, feeling a shiver run through you. After all this time, you still haven’t gotten used to it—the feeling of his leather gloves against your exposed skin. 

“I don’t know, Sir,” you reply, hoping he will drop it. “I don’t watch porn.”

He's not hard. Sometimes it takes him some time to get there. You never comment on it, of course, afraid that he will lash out, that he will blame you. Still, he’s a warm, unsettling presence inside you. You can feel yourself dripping around him, aching for movement, for stimulation of any kind. You hate it.

“Yeah, yeah, all women say that. I wonder what I would find if I searched your browser history, though. Bet there’s some freaky stuff there.” Homelander takes the remote from the coffee table and turns on the TV. It’s obnoxious looking, large enough to cover the entire wall. The type of purchase men only make to flex and show off wealth. You had never seen him use it before. You’re not surprised to learn he bought it with the exclusive purpose of watching porn. 

Homelander paused, then, as if something had just occurred to him. “You ever starred in a sex tape, Becky?”

You clench your teeth, struggling not to snap at him. He keeps calling you that, no matter how many times you remind him that’s not your name. “No, Sir,” you reply curtly.

“Aren’t you a dream? ‘Sir, this,’ ‘Sir, that.’ They sure trained you well when you first got hired.” Homelander said, placing a hand around your hips, as if to keep you in place. You bite into your lip, struggling not to grind against him, not to search for contact. “You called me something else the other time, though. You haven’t forgotten, right? When I was fucking your ass raw against the dinner table?”

No more, master. Please, no more.

Just the memory has tears of shame and anger flooding your eyes. You refuse to let them spill. Over time you’ve come to learn that only arouses him more. “Master?” you repeat with a frown. You don't even know where that came from. You'd just been trying to appeal to his ego, to get him to stop hurting you.

“That’s the one! Love the sound of it, you say it so prettily,” he states, and you know he’s mocking you, that he doesn’t mean a word. If there’s something you’ve learned in your time working at Vought is that there’s always a double-meaning in Homelander’s praise. “You’re gonna call me that from now on.”

“Yes, master,” you say, cringing. There’s really no end to the humiliations this twisted pervert can come up with.

“Now, I won’t ask again. What are we watching?” he asks, pushing the remote into your hand. There’s no point in fighting him and you know it. You turn your head towards the TV Screen, quietly examining the adult website he’s chosen. It’s a catalog of his favorite videos. You struggle not to roll your eyes. What kind of loser catalogs his porn? God, he’s fucking pathetic. 

As you scroll down the list, heat builds in your lower stomach. You don’t like what you’re seeing. Porn is violent and demeaning and you’ve never liked it. You’ve been aroused for some time now, though, and you can feel your judgment slipping. It’s been over an hour since Homelander ordered you into his bedroom, forcing you to abandon your domestic chores to attend to more pressing matters. An hour since he had you undress and sit on his lap, warming his limp cock while he lounged about on his leather armchair. You know he’s teasing you, leaving you aroused, wet and unfulfilled on purpose. It’s a game he likes to play.

“I like this one,” you say, opening a random video. Homelander huffs out a laugh.

“Ohhh, would you look at that? Girl on girl action? I knew you were into weird stuff,” Homelander says, and he sounds amused, almost gleeful, but there’s an edge to his voice—an underlying irritation that lets you know you’ve committed a mistake. He grabs you by the throat, then, fast, roughly and without warning. “You’re not a lesbian, are you, Becky?”

“No, master,” you say, trying to stay calm, to not let your fear show. That only makes things worse. “I like men.”

I like you, it’s what he wants to hear, but you can’t bring yourself to say it. 

“Good. Didn’t feel like watching that, anyway,” he says, taking the remote from you. You struggle not to make a face. Of course he asks you to choose, only to have the chance to say no to you. He’s such a manchild. “Oooh, this one’s better. Girl gets gangbanged at local billiard. That will get us in the mood.”

You can feel heat rising up your throat, and force yourself to take a deep breath. It abates the nausea, to an extent. It’s not a stretch to say that vomiting right now could very well be the death of you. He skips the video forward, seemingly too impatient to power through the foreplay. He stops at a frame of the woman laying on a pool table, surrounded by at least 15 men, her legs spread and completely naked. You swallow hard. She looks like you.

He doesn’t strike you as the type who likes sharing, and he’s much too fixated on power to be a cuck. Still, you hope he’s not getting any ideas. The video starts rolling. The woman moans, loud and shamelessly, those fake high-pitched sounds only porn actresses make. A man is fucking her on the front, another in the ass, and a third one is using her throat like a fleshlight, unbothered by the spit and the gagging sounds. The other men are masturbating to the sight, waiting for their turn, ready to cum all over her. It’s disgusting, and you have to look away. 

Homelander is pulling you by the air in a second, forcing you to look. You don’t fight him. You stare towards the screen, unblinking, unseeing. He’s finally getting hard. That’s a good thing. The sooner this torture ends, the better. 

When he’s done, he comes inside you. That’s a given with him, although he never bothers to use a condom. You fish some wet wipes from your purse and clean yourself up as best as you can. His eyes are on you as you put your mandatory pink uniform back on, along with the tag with your name on it. You don’t stare back. Not until he addresses you first.

“What do you say?” he asks, a twinkle in his eyes. 

You swallow your pride, as you’ve done so many times in the past. “Thank you, master. I’m always glad to assist you.”

Homelander smiles at you, wide and unsettling. “You’re a good girl. Now, go finish with the living room, will ya,” he says, spanking you as you finally make your way out of his bedroom, “this place’s a fucking mess.” 

[kandadze]

Ep 27 loose thoughts

Well, that's one way of snapping someone shell-shocked out of making a drastic decision. I feel like PSJ snapped something in herself at this moment, too. Anyone else found the ancestor's commentary going on in the background while the girls are bawling their eyes out hilarious? Just me? Okay.

While I was waiting for the ever burning wood to activate or something, the moment WX opened the box to reveal dried flowers I choked. ZYC!!!

Baby!Yichen breaks my heart, so impressionable, so open to learn. It's interesting to see that the phrases about suffering we've seen him use as an adult might have come from WX... Not a fan of telling people in mourning to stop dwelling in misery and sadness like it's as simple as flipping a switch (not to mention, she apparently *just* met him for the first time? The heck?), but at least the rest of her words seem to have helped him... so much that he kept the flowers 😭 The irony of her snow metaphor contrasted with their current predicament is indeed exquisite, A+ for that.

Are they going to be saved by the power of lurrrrve??? (At least this time. Still holding out for how that's gonna play out in the finale.) I mean, what other way to sway an ancient creature who's seen pretty much everything there is to see, than to show them something new? What's that? A test for a future event? (I'm getting really paranoid about nothing we've seen so far being real. It's like Alice in Wonderland on a bigger scale. Or Finnegans Wake on a smaller scale. I don't know.)

Oooh Bingyi and Ying Long, our original doomed couple (of self-sacrificial idiots)! I would watch a whole drama just about them. And damn, I can definitely see where Zhao Yuanzhou got his masochism from. Stoppppp not "Just let me be the first star"! (Especially since I just remembered ZYZ's "I'll be the rain...") It's not supposed to be literal! 😭😭😭 Ahhhh this scene just broke me, also because it seems to reinforce the idea that ZYZ *has* to be killed for the greater good. The visualssss in the execution- sacrifice? What the heck do I even call it?- scene though, soooo good!

"Let me do it myself." LET ME DO IT MYSELF??? FUCKKKKKKK DAMNIT HE JUST- ::head in hands, crying forever::

"Remember. This is my choice, not yours. You don't have to bear any blame or guilt." That's not how that works. That's not how any of that works!

Again, we're dealing with choices. But the fact that ZYZ choice was the same as Ying Long's... the fact that YL says that neither he nor Bingyi had any regrets... oh this is going to hurt.

Oh? ZYZ's future is not what he wants? (And wouldn't that be funny, considering ZYZ's own words while schooling ZYC in the very first ep... 9 times out of 10, things don't go our way?)

"You two are really like us." 😭😭😭

I was wondering if they were going to show us what ZYC saw, and not only does the image of ZYZ's body on that dark floor mirror Ying Long's body floating in the water, both ZYZ and ZYC wear the same clothes as in the very few scenes from the trailer that didn't happen yet... These poor sods, they've been Going Through It for almost a decade now with the only end in sight being yet another tragedy (even if the drama seems to suggest that they don't see it that way at this point.) ::head in hands, crying continues::

"My friend is here. We'll go together." The *sound* I made. Everything else this drama has given me aside, the growth of these characters and their bonds is so well done, and absolutely precious to me.

I want Ying Long's hopes and wishes for them to become true. Seeing how there's hints everywhere in this drama, I hope the words of one of the most powerful beings in existence will count for *something* in the end! (Am I grasping at straws? Maybe. Let me be delusional for a bit longer.)

What do you mean, five, ZYC? What's Ying Lei, chopped liver?

Oof this *almost* hug before WX starts feebly hitting ZYZ. It's relief, it's anger, it's fear for the next time, it's all the feelings that became too big to contain. I feel her so much. (I would've started whacking both him and ZYC way earlier tbh 😅) And ZYZ allowing her that release before pulling her in for reassurance, patting her as if she was a scared child. 😭 Cut to PSJ, looking as if she wanted nothing more but to be the one offering the reassurance to WX. Cut to ZYC, remembering that willingly or not, he's going to hurt WX beyond reassurance. Once again, the bonds in this drama!

Wait hold up hold on what? You just removed Bingyi's blood from him, that should mean that ZYC will not have to become a demon, right? So what's that about developing the inner core? (Also, I just realized that so far all they got from this trip was "go east and ask for a dragon scale" lol) Thankfully him and ZYZ had their conversation(s) about titles and identities so being asked to make that particular choice was not completely out of left field at this point. And all he cares about is whether that means that the last trace of Ying Long will disappear! 😭 (I'm so with Bingyi on this one... I would hold onto that last shred of my friend's existence, too, *especially* if they offed themself via my goddamn sword.)

What's with that look after he says that he thinks he has it - the inner core - is there a joke here somewhere? (I *gotta* go back to learning the language, the things I'm undoubtedly missing on!) The only thing I can think of is - did they think he said he's pregnant??? ::dies:: "So what's your true form?" "Must be dragon." "I say you're a mule." "Better than being a monkey." "I'm a white ape!" ::dies again:: Nice to see we still get a friendly ribbing between all of them, and I can breathe after all the angst. Fingers crossed? There's still 5 minutes left...

Oh good, let's talk about getting Bai Jiu back! (I knew there was one more character from the opening credits that didn't show up yet... guess it's the rebel princess.) While Ao Yin is eavesdropping! Talk about good hearing. Sigh, here it comes, another goal they have that will conflict with Li Lun's; they want the scale to restore the sword, and LL not only doesn't want that to happen, the scale could potentially help him get rid of the poison.

Oh for fuck's sake, I think I was subconsciously waiting for Chongwu Camp to show up, knowing that they've eavesdropped on the gang earlier, and here they are. ZYZ should really think of putting up some sound barrier when they discuss important plans, everyone seems to know exactly what they'll be doing at any given moment!

Ahhhh we're getting a nod to that little cough and stumble WX had shortly before this trip. Something's wrong with Baize token? Or with her connection to it? We only have 7 episodes left, drama!

(ZYC is such a good little brother.) Oh great, it was the rebel princess who killed WX's dad? I repeat, we only have 7 episodes left!

Sigh... with only 7 episodes left, we *also* find out that the goddamn 3-face-mask has history with the princess? And has everyone and their mother sat on that little bridge???

This feels like the endless final scenes in Peter Jackson's "Return of the King," my head is spinning.

Note to self, *stop* looking at previews. Ying Lei, what the absolute fuck?

[sanddollarpoems]

The truth is, I started in a very different place than I am now. Perhaps I am the evidence of evolution, that a person can go from one side to the other in a matter of years. I have family and friends who still think the same way. They echo the same hurtful words. They babble the same disrespectful slogans.

Last week, while feeling scared, disappointed, and emotionally bruised, I had to explain why people like me felt like I did. I had to be the adult, take the slander, and share about why people like me who didn't agree, people who feared for their rights as a human, were angry and sad and upset.

To be fair, I grew up on the other side. I grew up listening to my dad rage against the "flaming liberals" and the "fema-nat-zees," listening to Rush Limbaugh, and conservative talk radio. And as I grew up, the information I was fed was consistent. I was surrounded by people of like minds, and it was very easy to agree. No one challenged me. No one asked me WHY I thought what I did. No one pointed out my racism, my hurtful words, or my prejudice.

I got married young to a man who enjoyed telling me how to think and what to believe. And perhaps that's when I started feeling the cracks in my belief system. I started having my own thoughts, secretly, of course. I started struggling with the things that didn't add up.

It's so easy to pick someone's motives if you don't know that person. It's so easy to "other" them if they don't fit into your tiny understanding of the world. But God has a sense of humor. He gave me a double dose of empathy and compassion. I started meeting people, and they didn't fit into my categories. I started meeting people who I couldn't make sense of. I started meeting people who I had been taught to hate. But I didn't hate them. They were just people who hoped, and loved, and lived just like me. In fact, I started seeing they were all just like me.

And then, I became the "other." With my divorce, 90% of the people I had called friends, left me. My church, who had been like a family to me, left me. I was the sinner. I was the outcast. And because I was a victim of abuse, I had been talked out of asking for child support, even though he made over three times what I did. Now, I was also the woman standing in line at the grocery store, using my EBT "food stamps." I was a "leech on society," as my dad would say.

Remember how I said God has a great sense of humor? Well, guess who were the ones to come around me and support me and love me and lift me up? That's right. It was the people who I used to "other." It was the single mom's, the LGBTQ, the "flaming liberals," the atheists, the women of color...

For the first time in my life, there was no judgment, just kindness. There were no impossible standards, no mistreatment for being different, no more expectations to conform. There was freedom.

I have since come to a place where all those things my dad used to insult people with are now true of me. And this past week, as my friend was talking about the "woke morons," I gently told her that I'm one of those.

The truth is, we're all just people. We all want safety and well-being for ourselves and our families. A lot of us want that for our communities, and some even want it for the world. Most of the people I've met on both sides are generally good-hearted people. We all have been taught to say hurtful things, to believe hurtful things, and sometimes to even do hurtful things to "others." But I believe that for most people, these are learned behaviors.

My dad used to quote the Bible and say, "believing that there's good in people is a lie. Everyone is evil if they're not a Christian." These days, I believe God made humans in his own image. And having kindness and love are the traits that everyone has inherited from him. These are the things I have seen in others. And so I continue to believe that everyone has the ability for great kindness, and if we all exercised that kindness more readily, this world will not be such a scary place for any of us. Even if we don't all agree on the politics.

[its-jun0]

Psychological analysis of Aira

And how the loss of her mother affected the development of her personality

I feel that this is something very overlooked in the community and in honor of the new chapter I would like to do a small analysis from my perspective on it.

Although it is something very little addressed in the story, it is extremely important in her development as a character.

This thread contains spoilers for the manga from the acro silky to the Space Globalist arc!

As we saw in the Acro Silky arc, Aira's mother died when she was very little and judging by her appearance she was no more than 5 or 6 years old at the time.

This simple fact makes the event even more relevant, childhood is a stage of utmost importance in human beings, since at this stage most cognitive skills are developed.

These skills help in the development of healthy and correct management of emotions during adolescence and Adulthood also influences how the child relates to people and their environment.

The importance of the presence of parents at this stage is indispensable, since the first bond that appears in the life of a human is with them and depending on the circumstances and how this bond develops, it will affect the poor way in the psychosocial growth of the infant.

The absence of one or both parents strongly affects the development of the infant, causing damage to the child's psyche that can last beyond adulthood and is even more serious when it is something irreversible such as the death of one of them.

With this begins a grieving process, which is very different from that of an adult given the poor emotional management capacity of a child, this directly affects the growth and development of the child's personality.

Her need for perfection

One of the main characteristics in Aira's personality is the need to be perfect, both in how she acts and how she looks physically.

At first it can be seen as the need to fit in that many teenagers have, but after the acro silky arc you can see the topic in more depth.

In chapter 17 we can see how in the flashback shared with Acro Silky, Aira as a child promises her father to be a great girl so that her mother can be proud when she “comes back”.

With this in mind by connecting their attitudes she can be given a little background, since she acts so “perfectly” because in a certain part she fills the void and the need to make her mother proud.

Because in her mind the fact that everyone loves and admires her makes her someone important, no matter if that means not being true to who she really is.

And this brings us to the point that she thought she was “the chosen one”, since this was a greater merit than just being loved and popular among the people around her.

Although she acted proud about it, this was the perfect situation for her to be able to fulfill the promise she had made, to become someone her mother can be truly proud of.

Although as the chapters go by she continues with this idea in mind, her perspective changes to a more serious one, demonstrating her great development during the plot.

Her actions in the acro silky arc and how this marked a before and after in her character

As I have said many times, despite being her debut arc, this one is very important since you can notice a change, even if it is slight, in how she was presented and how she developed after this.

One of Aira's characteristics is her great empathy towards people who have gone through difficult times; this may mainly be because her own situation helps her put herself in the shoes of others.

The main example of this was with Acro silky, since both shared the pain of a loss and in this case, both were very important figures as mother and daughter.

In other situations where this can be seen is when she finds out about Vamola's past, being moved to tears and another very important point is how she behaves with Chiquitita.

Her relationship with Chiquitita

Aira and Chiquitita's relationship is similar to that of an older sister and a younger brother, Chiquitita is in the same situation as her, he is small, his mother died and he is cared for only by his father, so she can feel more than identified In this case.

Aira is giving him the support and company that she surely lacked as a child given the circumstances in which she grew up.

It is not easy for a father to address all the needs of a child in the absence of, in this case, a maternal figure, since he has to dedicate himself to working and meeting the child's physical needs, even if this means leaving emotional needs aside.

This led us to another very important point in her personality, her great resilience.

The resilience and strength that she possesses

One of the characteristics of children who went through situations where they lost one or both of their parents is the development of “strength” as a defense mechanism.

This is both an advantage and a disadvantage, since although this will be a way to overcome Life's adversities but also open the door to over-demanding and closing ourselves off to the help of others.

Aira is a very strong and resilient person, both mentally and physically, this can be witnessed in fighting and in her ability to lead others, being able to make plans without getting carried away by her emotions like in the Space Globalist arc.

But as I said before, this is also a disadvantage since many times she over-demand herself and refuses to receive help from others and to do things on her own.

Characters like Jiji let her see this in a certain part, when she said that she could defeat the aliens on her own if they would just let her and Jiji told her that she couldn't do it alone.

Being used to and growing up with the idea that she has to be strong instilled by her father when she was little, makes Aira see this as the only thing she has known during her life, If she is not strong, she will not fulfill her promise.

With this in mind we can move on to the next point, her leadership and how she relates to others.

Her role as a leader and how she relates to others

How I addressed before Aira's strength and resilience helped her achieve a good role as a leader, despite being heavy-handed on many occasions, she cares deeply about her team members, constantly asking them to be careful, also trying to put her own needs aside to protect them.

You can see this in the Space Globalist arc, when she asks Momo to take care of herself, when she is happy to see that Mr. Shrimp is alive, when Mr. Shrimp wants to help her and she asks him to go see Jiji first.

This highlights the point of self-demand that she has and how she does not accept the help of others so easily despite being a team, since, again as I mentioned before, being strong and independent is what she has been from an early age.

This brings us to the last point, her relationship with others.

Aira was surrounded by superficial people for most of her life, who were only interested in the “perfect” facade that she had created, so this whole topic of genuine relationships, both friendship and love, is very new to her.

A great example of this is her infatuation with Okarun and the scene where he congratulates her for her great performance in battle, since it is something in which she genuinely makes an effort and she is not used to being given credit in that type of situation.

So when it comes to answering she wonders why. she wasn't being her “usual self,” even though at that moment she was being more genuine with herself.

Conclusion

Aira is an extremely interesting character, who has had one of the best developments in the play, although I failed to address many topics such as her ability to admit her mistakes.

I thought that they did not really come with the main idea of the analysis and I would like to address them more forward when she has more appearances.

I genuinely hope that Tatsu continues cooking with her and can become one of the best characters in the play.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post!!

I hope you found it interesting and do not hesitate to share your point of view with me. I will be very happy to read them!!!

[thelightfluxtastic]

#I feel like Qifrey's Fear is also shown when he tells Coco and Tetia about the ancient Romonons#and he concludes the story with how scary humans can be and how people neglect how such terrible things can happen again#While Coco is immediately like. But magic should be used to make life vibrant! 🥺! And it completely takes him by surprise

I hope it's ok to steal your tags here. Because you're so right! And also, ironically, Qifrey is the one who taught Coco that, in a way! So much of how Qifrey treats his students is about giving them more positive experiences than he had. Qifrey, as a child, would have had his memory wiped and been abandoned if not for Beldaruit. (Which, side note- no wonder he doesn't like hanging around the Grand Hall! No matter how friendly other witches might be, Qifrey has deep-seated knowledge that their whole society would abandon him if they needed to. The lesson he learns is "Brimhats will hurt you but pointed hats don't care about you either"). When Coco first comes to the atelier, she's terrified of magic, given what happened to her mother. She's worried about so much as touching a spell (such as the water globe). Qifrey makes a point of both giving her hope (the tower) and giving her positive, safe experiences with magic (the flower-petal spell). Coco's trauma doesn't go away, but Qifrey makes sure she gets to love magic, and not just be afraid of it.

That love of magic is a huge part of what Coco brings to the atelier. Her passion is what Qifrey argues to Olruggio about, and seeing her unabashed joy at his paving stone spell is what sways Olruggio. Agott loves magic, but until she starts spending more time with Coco, she had lost her connection to the pleasure and wonder of magic. I think Qifrey (even subconsciously) might be trying to recapture his own joy-of-magic by having Coco around, even though he's the one teaching her. So Qifrey teaches Coco that magic is about vibrancy and beauty and making life better for people, even though in his own spells, he's still coming from a place of feeling threatened and defensive, where other people and malicious magic are a constant danger.

This is more unrelated, but I've also been thinking about how the fear Qifrey has for losing his loved ones is actually realized in more recent chapters. Qifrey puts so much effort into protecting his apprentices. In his fight with Engendale, Coco jumps in front of him to take a shot meant for Qifrey. You could not construct a more perfect example of "loved one hurt for helping him" if you tried, and she even almost loses her eye! He manages to get Coco to the hospital, and she's eager to jump into the fray again! We really see Qifrey at his most desperate here, shouting/practically begging her to not endanger herself for him.

Of course, Qifrey is Coco's master, he is an adult and she is a child. Trying to keep her from getting hurt is his job, and this is a reasonable response. With Olruggio in chapeter 40, it's different. Qifrey's motivations are the same, but Olruggio isn't a child and he's not someone Qifrey is responsible for. He's an adult that can make his own decisions. Both of them know that Olruggio would always choose to help Qifrey. So the only way Qifrey can avert his fear of losing Olruggio is to violate Olruggio's agency/bodily autonomy and take away his ability to choose to help.

Qifrey and fear

Ok so I've made a post about how Olruggio's spells constantly come from a place of comfort, but Qifrey's still regularly come from a place of fear. We know he started to learn water magic because of his experience nearly drowning. And while Olruggio encouraged him to embrace what he feared, and he's become a specialist, it hasn't actually lessened his fear. His mastery of water spells is still aimed at not being touched by water as much as possible. And Qifrey's obsession with the brimhats and defeating them is still as sharp and fear-driven as ever. It's what Beldaruit is afraid of when he warns Coco- that in his quest to uncover or avenge his past, Qifrey will completely miss or neglect that he's already built a good life. Ironically, this is a fear Qifrey has for Agott- that she constantly is so focused on learning and advancing that she's not celebrating her achievements or enjoying magic.

When Olruggio confronts Qifrey, he's not threatening to expose him to the other witches. He directly offers to help. He makes that very explicit- he's not here to interfere with whatever plans Qifrey has for Coco. Qifrey's answer is about how terrified he is of losing all the comfort and safety he's built at the atelier. His fear has shifted from the past to the future, but it's still his core drive. He's not any less scared than he was as a child. All the good things in his life have just become things he could lose, in his mind. Things that are being threatened.

Qifrey outright states he believes Olruggio would help him, even knowing the truth. I've often seen Chapter 40 described as "Qifrey wipes Olruggio's memory to avoid being caught". But I really don't think that's what he's worried about. I think he's worried about endangering or losing Olruggio, if Olruggio were to get involved in this highly illegal secret plot to unlock his past and stop the brimhats (both Olruggio and Qifrey know very well Olruggio would help).

[gideonisms]

Average person has one major breakdown that makes them rethink their life and change things up. But breakdowns abi is an outlier and should not be counted

[slasherscream]

really wish people would read blog rules more, it makes running blogs like this very low reward and you feel like a machine if people aren't commenting and aren't even abiding by one of the, honestly, very few and politely phrased rules i even have

[cuteniaarts]

Here *throws random and actually much more important than I realised at first OC redesign at you after two and a half years since the OG*

Meifeng, Ming-Hua’s cousin! I just randomly remembered that she exists while putting together my OC family tree and since the only art I have of her is… nearly 3 years old and mediocre at best, and Kat and I have recently spent so much time focusing on Red Lotus siblings, I thought “Hey, why not redraw her? Just because she’s a cousin and not a sister doesn’t make her any less special than Lien-Hua, Summiya, Aiza or Haya!” (On that note… Nia give someone a brother challenge. The only one that counts is Aiza and she’s only a brother half the time)

Some headcanons about her, both new and old (the old copy-pasted over and slightly edited to save everyone the second hand embarrassment of going to look at my old art), which will go under the cut because this has gotten LONG:

Old:

Older than Ming-Hua by around 10 years

Her dad is the older half-brother of Ming-Hua's mom who’s… not the most fond of their side of the family

Has never left her home in the Foggy Swamp Water Tribe

Master healer, specialises in children. Can't have any of her own because of the high pollution levels in the swamp which is why she puts all those motherly instincts into teaching and caring for kids

Got a scar on her leg while saving Ming-Hua from some wild swamp creature when the latter was a child who was absolutely convinced she could handle everything herself and never listened to anyone. Ming-Hua still insists she had everything under control that day

She tried to understand Ming-Hua's perspective on things, she really did, but ultimately tribe mentality and fear for her cousin’s safety, believing her not to be nearly as capable as she claims to be, won over

Attempted to stop Ming-Hua from running away but was, obviously, unsuccessful

Was the one consoling Nuying after Ming-Hua left

Helped Suiren learn waterbending and held genuine affection for the girl, although she ultimately refused when Suiren begged for the chance for her and Midori to escape from Haya and live with the tribe. She thought that while Suiren would most likely adjust well, Midori was simply too Gaoling to survive in a place as dark, damp and isolated as the Swamp. She regrets that decision every day since she found out Suiren became an assassin

Mourned Ming-Hua more than anyone else in the tribe when informed of her death

New:

Was the one who babysat Ming-Hua a lot when Nuying was going through one of her depressive episodes after Cadeo left, and Ming-Hua actually enjoyed spending time with her because she was a lot less overbearing and protective than her mother. Was the first person to start calling her Ming. Sometimes Ming-Ming, but Ming-Hua had a tendency to deliver a very hard kick to the shins every time she tried that

Never left Nuying’s side when she got sick in the years following Ming-Hua’s disappearance, no matter how much everyone, including her own father, told her to stay away, there’s nothing she can do to help her. In her final moments, Nuying was delirious with fever and called out for Ming-Hua. Meifeng didn’t have the heart to remind her that her daughter left so instead let her hair down, covered her own hand in water and told Nuying that she was “right here, mom. I’m right here” and stayed like that until Nuying passed

When Ming-Hua returned, Meifeng was the one to break the news to her. Later, when Ming-Hua asked how and when it happened, she couldn’t quite stop herself from snapping at her because she should have been there, Meifeng shouldn’t have had to pretend to be her so her mother could die without worrying about where her daughter was. Their relationship never really fully recovered after that fight

Still, she had met Suiren when she was little on the rare occasions when the Red Lotus passed through the Swamp and Ming-Hua chose to take her daughter to visit the tribe. She never met Midori, but she did see Ming-Hua pregnant with her once

Didn’t know about Ming-Hua’s imprisonment until an 11-year-old Suiren told her because world news don’t reach into the heart of the Swamp. She just thought they had decided to stop visiting. The news crushed her but… a part of her couldn’t help but go “you should have fucking listened to me when I told you to stay, then this wouldn’t have happened”

Her teaching Suiren waterbending involved mostly the basics of combat (she herself doesn’t know much of it since she’s a healer), plantbending and healing. Suiren reached her level of mastery and proficiency as well as figured out icebending on her own through sheer determination and spite (she’s so much like her mama 🥹🥹🥹)

Is the only one from the tribe Suiren had ever confessed to about being an assassin. That knowledge broke her heart and she spent all those years absolutely terrified that Suiren would meet Ming-Hua’s fate. When Suiren stopped visiting at one point (when she left for her mission to kill Kuvira, got injured, recovered at ATI, reunited with her parents, broke Kuvira out and started living with her, etc etc) she had assumed that it really did happen, until Suiren randomly showed up one day with Kuvira in tow (Meifeng did not approve bc of the whole spirit vine thing 😅)

Absolutely reunited with Ming-Hua at some point and it was an extremely emotional moment

Ripped Cadeo a new one when he suddenly appeared looking for his daughter after 45+ years after it became common knowledge that the RL are all alive and no longer wanted by the law

All in all… quite an interesting character that I really should do something with at some point, bc how come Ming-Hua’s family is the only one to get 0 attention in our discussions?? #justiceformeifeng2024

[blujayonthewing]

had the thought 'it might be interesting to also collect a cicada nymph before it can molt and keep it as a wet specimen' and then immediately the concept of a cicada quietly growing underground for thirteen years to finally, finally emerge into the world only to get killed and put in a jar before it ever has a chance to stretch its wings just because some idiot thought it'd be neat nearly made me cry

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

love that my mum just gave me a lecture (more like an unnecessary reason to argue with me though tbh) about internet safety as if I'm doing something really terrible and I'm a vulnerable, naïve child when I'm literally almost 20 years old :)

[diteach]

The Thoughts(c) are getting to me so I should probably go to bed but I have to say hmm maybe I should go to therapy

[six-of-ravens]

in my eternal quest to add structure to my life, ive decided to take a leaf out of my aunt's book* and schedule an Errand Day one weekend a month.

the purpose of Errand Day is...errands, before they add up and become one Big clusterfuck that's an even bigger pain to deal with. for example: take the stuff I'm giving away to the thrift store (before it colonizes the storage room). take out the annoying recycling that can't go in the blue bins (currently fighting a war against the invasive species of thrift stuff). replace the air filters. get birthday gifts. replace clothes as needed, instead of trying to work around the issue for a whole season bc I won't bite the bullet and try on pants. even fun things that i put off because they're outside of my regular stomping grounds, like going to the used bookstore.

no excuses, no heel-dragging. just take a morning and do all the shit that needs doing. don't let it add up and become a whole Thing. the Reward for Errand Day will be either a fancy coffee or lunch, depending on how long it takes and where I end up.

*my aunt and her partner have a theme for each weekend: one is budgeting, then deep cleaning their house, then meal prep, and finally a "fun" weekend where they do something new like go to a street festival or a new restaurant. i could never be that coordinated, but I think in part it's a solid idea.

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

thinking about nora again

[fairwinds-safetravels]

.

[forgotten-daydreamer]

one day people will stop saying they have bpd just because they get "irrationally angry sometimes", but that day is not today, unfortunately for us all.