#but i feel so trapped in my life and I'm so lonely and everything feels so hard

[quietblissxx]

.

[gffa]

*bungee jumping down the arcane fic rabbit hole* got any fic recs?

Save that bungee rope, we're going to need it to get the next person down here, too. And I do have a few recs I've enjoyed! (If you guys have any fics you want to rec that you've enjoyed in this fandom, I'm all ears. I'm still trying to navigate my way through the absolutely massive amounts and my usual method of finding authors I recognize from other fandoms is failing me because APPARENTLY WE HAVE WORK TO DO TO MAKE YOU ALL COME DOWN HERE WITH US.) JAYVIK RECS: (Current brainrot extraordinaire.) ✦ Begin Again by egg_thief, jayce/viktor, nsfw, post-canon, 3.3k or: Jayce and Viktor’s existence continues, somewhere out in the cosmos ✦ not to me, not if it's you by brewstersbru, jayce/viktor, post-canon, 2k They were supposed to die, then, a better ending than Viktor expected. Far sweeter than he deserved. Jayce’s hand warm and broad against his neck, foreheads tipped together, breaths fanning over skin. It was neat. It was nice. And then he woke up, splayed in a field, draped in the tatters of Jayce’s blanket. A groan rose from his left, then some pitiful shuffling before a final, loud thump, accompanied by a slight warble. ✦ the sun is an apricot promise by chicandcheesy, jayce/viktor, post-canon, 5.4k Six months after they destroy the Hexcore, Jayce and Viktor try to settle into a new life as friends. Partners. Turns out they love each other a little too much. ✦ The Softer the Skin, the Sharper the Teeth by ticketytockety, jayce/viktor, nsfw, spoilers, 5.4k During his time trapped in a devastated, apocalyptic world that does not belong to him, Jayce manages a temporary escape to somewhere else. Sometime else. ✦ The butterflies we feel by writin, jayce/viktor, time travel, 8.6k wip It was only right to offer Jayce one last thing: himself. A fleeting moment of shameless intimacy. There was no past, no future — only them, and everything they were willing to give. One final gift, for both of them. Or; S2 Jayce meets S1 Viktor, but there are consequences.

ZAUNDADS RECS: (Don't judge me, the artbook t-boned me with feelings, it's not my fault!) ✦ patience by orphan_account, zander/silco, nsfw, 7.6k He’s been dead five years when he shows up at The Drop unannounced. Vander can't be sure if this makes an already bad week better, or worse.

TIMEBOMB RECS: (This one also side-swiped me out of nowhere, officer, it's not my fault, either!) ✦ better to be poorly accompanied than to be alone by ajstyling, ekko/jinx, post-canon, 2.9k A long time ago, Ekko made a promise. Now he just hopes Jinx will give him the chance to keep it. ✦ the cycle of lonely creatures by red_dragon_rising, ekko/jinx & caitlyn/vi, post-canon, 7.4k So it happens that Caitlyn is now hiding Piltover’s most wanted terrorist and the murderer of her mother inside her ancestral home. So it happens that she’s become a traitor to her city. So it happens, because the girl is Vi’s sister. (AU: Vi dies with Warwick) ✦ pluto by zippe, ekko/jinx & vi, post-canon, 4.2k Ekko and Jinx, time after time

[psychotic-nonsense]

"I'm sorry."

It's the first thing Steve says after everything.

After getting Vecna Cursed. After nearly dying. After a hallucination of Eddie saved him. After running through a looped forest. After finding sanctuary in Steve's memory of that Starcourt bathroom. After Eddie reveals himself as Eddie.

It's the only thing he can think of. It's not big enough to fit everything, but it's the only thing that fits in his mouth.

"Don't be."

Maybe that's the only thing Eddie can think of too. The only thing Eddie can bear to say.

Because don't be can't stop Steve's eyes from watering when he sees the vest in his closet. Don't be can't stop Steve's feet from dragging him to the cemetery every evening to clean Eddie's graffiti-covered tombstone. Don't be can't stop Steve from sitting beside Wayne and listening to him talk about the Eddie he remembers. Don't be can't stop Eddie's body from showing up in Steve's dreams, nor Eddie's corpse from his nightmares. Don't be couldn't keep the pain away enough, didn't stop Vecna from latching onto it while Steve was walking alone in the woods.

Don't be isn't enough for what Steve wants to hear. But even stuck here waiting, hoping, for someone to get Steve out, there just isn't enough time.

"I miss you."

"...Why?"

Eddie says it back so quickly, so quietly, like it's just unfathomable to him. Maybe it is, considering their last memories. But their eyes meet and he looks just as sad, just as longing, as Steve.

"You were my friend."

Steve can't help but say it like that. Like they were friends for years instead of days. Like Eddie was that important to him in their final moments. Like his heart really aches for Eddie every second of the apocalypse.

Can't help but say it like he means it.

"I wish we could've had more time..."

Steve's voice cracks a little there as he turns away, hiding. It's all he wants. It's all Vecna used to entice him with. It's all that's keeping him going, to finally fulfill the last request Eddie made. It's all he has left to feel close to Eddie.

The Eddie that's sitting right next to him, silent, his sight weighing on Steve's skin. Conscious and aware and the real Eddie. Trapped in Vecna's head as a backup power source, yet who still risked everything to come save Steve. Who Steve will never see again because killing Vecna means killing Eddie for good, and his heart doesn't want it, is begging for another solution...

But for once, his broken head overpowers his shattered heart.

"Maybe we did."

Eddie takes Steve's hand. Meets Steve's surprised look with his own small smile of hope. They're both suddenly tearing up, eyes glistening with life in this gray stall.

"Maybe in another world, we got a second first chance. A first second chance. Maybe even a third, or fourth. Maybe in a different life, we had everything we wanted. Because you, Steve Harrington, are too good for me to be doomed to meet just once."

And for a moment, Steve sees it. Feels it. Versions of them connected through the universe.

Little kids playing in the lake. One with bruised skin and shaved hair, loud but unfathomably lonely. One with a bruised heart and soft eyes, timid but stubbornly hopeful.

A rockstar with glittering chains, center stage in the spotlight. A set of eyes in the crowd or behind the curtain, watching only him.

A werewolf and a vampire, two cryptids of horror, meeting in the dead of a full moon night to feel safe with the only other one who understands.

A future where they won, where the only death was the one that mattered. A process of healing and learning, coming home to a family every single day.

A world without pain, without their hell, where two high schoolers found freedom from their shackles and company in each other. Hiding away together in the dark corners of the town.

Steve even sees other versions of them. Versions that he knows were originally never supposed to meet, yet forces so much greater than them pulled them together.

A metalhead drug dealer, constantly getting into trouble with one nail-bat-weilding cop.

A criminal's fugitive nature leading him to a rugged trailer park, and the dangerous owner within one such home.

An eccentric king in an old coliseum, always choosing one particular warrior as his champion.

A young programmer being pulled away from his work by sobs above his apartment, running upstairs to check on the law student that recently moved in.

Two actors, finding an easy friendship in the months of filming one season of a show that would change their lives.

In that moment, Steve's overwhelmed by the closeness he suddenly feels with the soul beside him. Falling into tears, he pulls Eddie into a tight hug, holding him so so close to convey everything he can't say. Feeling Eddie hold him back, hearing everything Eddie can't say in return.

Familiar music comes on outside the stall. Robin's voice calls out to him, telling him to come home.

And when he does leave, Steve hopes that someone out there will understand that he never can. Because here in Eddie's arms is the only place that will ever truly feel like home.

"Thank you... for everything, Eddie."

Thank you, Steve. For everything and more..."

--------------------

- List of AUs, in order, after, "Versions of them connected through the universe": Childhood Friends / Rockstar!Eddie / Werewolf!Steve & Vampire!Eddie / Eddie Survives / No Upside Down & High School

- List of Multiverse Steddie AUs, in order, after, "...yet forces so much greater than them pulled them together": Eddie x Gator / Baron x Michael / Geta x Sean / Keys x Eric / Quinn and Keery

[sunburnhurts]

Tired || Bruce Wayne x fem!Reader (Battinson)

Summary: Y/n has been supportive of her husband's secret life, but she is exhausted. A year after their separation, they are reunited at Don Mitchell's funeral. The beginning of the story is before the movie, and ofc the mayor's funeral is an event in the movie. The mayors funeral scene isn't exactly like how it was in the movie, but somewhat close.

Words: 2,426

All My Stories

A/n: Hey guys! I haven't posted in a while, I'm so sorry!! I've decided to start doing batman stories, but I'm still doing Cedric ones too! Requests are open! I also wanted to add I have a lot of drafts, so I haven't posted in a while, but I have some stories in the process!

Y/n listens as her husband, Bruce Wayne, shuffles off their bed, onto his feet. She hears his feet against the hardwood floor echoing the dead silent room. She hates it, him waking up in the middle of the night to be Batman.

Ever since he started being Batman, he's been distant. He slowly stopped touching her over the years. He's always be in a different room, on a different end of the couch, different end of the bed.

At first, she excused it as him being tired from saving the city. She would curse herself for being selfish, why should she be complaining when he is saving human beings, bringing good to Gotham? Then she got tired of making herself feel bad.

Y/n tried having conversations with Bruce about his sleep schedule, how much he eats, how much time he spends worrying about being Batman. These conversations always ended in arguments or Bruce not responding to whatever his wife said because he was too busy working on his suit.

Alfred of course noticed Bruce's distance from his wife. He would try talking to Bruce about his worry for Y/n, saying she is lonely during the day without her husband. Bruce would always brush off what Alfred said, worried about 'more important' things to him.

It's not like Y/n was a lonely house wife, she was an actress who was on break. Before she met Bruce, she was in big movies, making just enough money to start a family. When she met Bruce, of course her popularity spiked more. A big actress and a billionaire getting married was big news in the press.

She was now on break from her job because everything became too much for her. Her depression grew from lack of love from her husband. She put herself in therapy, which made her realize she wasn't being selfish. She of course didn't tell her therapist about her husband being batman, covering it up as his new job.

Now, she was listening to her husbands feet taping against their hardwood floor. She let out a breath, listening to him step into the elevator that leads to the 'batcave'. She made up her mind, she didn't want to be trapped in her life, in this mansion.

Half an hour later, she got up, walking over the the same elevator and going down.

"Bruce, we have to talk." She said, stepping out of the elevator, walking over to her husband. She had a calmness in her voice. She heard no answer. As soon as she was behind him, she stopped walking. He was working on something on his desk, she didn't care enough to know what he was working on. "Bruce."

After a hum of a response came from her husband, she hesitated with what she was about to say. This scenario seemed much more easier in her head, the countless times she replayed it in her mind. But once she saw him, it was a lot harder than she was expecting.

"I want a divorce." She plainly said. She watched as her husbands head moved, but didn't turn to look at her. "I've been thinking about it a lot-"

"Are you serious?" He said, fully turning his head around to look at his wife. His voice sounded more angry then upset.

"I've been thinking about it a lot," She repeated, ignoring his question. "and I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?" He angrily asked.

"Be ignored!" She shouted, feeling her eyes swell up. She hated that he didn't already know what he's been doing. A clenched jaw was all she got in response. "Bruce," She started. "you haven't touched me in so long."

"I've been busy, you know that."

"You know you're just saying that as an excuse." Hearing this made Bruce turn his body fully to the vulnerable, standing girl. "God, Bruce! I don't even recognize you anymore!"

He shakes his head, scoffing. He moved his eyes everywhere but his wife, his breathing heavy with anger. A ding was heard on his computer, indicating Batman was needed.

"Are you going to get that?" Y/n said, making Bruce's eyes lay on her.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, if you don't be Batman for one night, and you take me back upstairs and show me you love me, I'll take back everything I said about divorce." It was true, one kiss from him would change her mind, she was so desperate for affection and she hated it. She prayed in the back of her mind for him to get up, swoop her in his arms, and take her upstairs. But he stayed still.

He turned his head at the computer, taking a moment to decide. She watched as he got up from his chair, walking over to his suit of armor. Her heart ached. She angled her head to the ground, biting the inside of her lip and bringing her hand up to rub her philtrum. Tears stung her eyes as her throat burned.

She wanted to run to him, grab his face, kiss him. She also wanted to run to him, push him, yell curses at him, ruin all his batman equipment. But she knew better.

Beyond heartbroken, she made her way over to the elevator. She had a slight feeling of selfishness, making him choose between her and a job of a hero, but then she squashed that feeling almost immediately. It should have been obvious to pick his wife, he shouldn't have even had to think about it.

Once Y/n made it back upstairs, she started packing everything. Her clothes, shoes, anything she found that was hers. She couldn't stay there any longer, she couldn't look at Bruce any longer. She was a mess now, tears streaming down her cheeks as she hiccuped her breath.

It wasn't even close to morning, she had no idea where she would be going. Her family didn't live in Gotham, they lived on the other side of the country. She had actor friends that lived near, maybe she could try them. She thought of a girl, Nicole, she worked with that she grew very close with, hoping she could crash at her place for the night.

Y/n took out her phone, clicking on Nicole's contact, and pressing call. She listened to the phone ring while she kept packing her things. "Hello? Y/n?"

"Nicole!" Y/n said in a voice that anyone could tell she was upset. "Um- I'm so sorry for such a late call, I really could use your help right now."

"Of course! What's wrong, sweetie?" Nicole said over the phone. Y/n was younger that Nicole, Nicole was like a mother figure to her.

"I just need a place to stay, only for tonight. I will be out by the morning, I promise." Y/n closed her suitcase, zipped it up and sat on her and Bruce's bed. Her head was in her hands as she tried calming down her tears.

"You can stay for as long as you would like!" Nicole's voice calmed her down, giving her the strength to walk out of the mansion.

After Y/n made a plan to meet Nicole, she hung up and made her way to the kitchen with her bags. Her memory flashed to Alfred, it wasn't fair of her to leave Alfred without saying anything. She didn't want to wake him, so she decided on making a note for him.

She grabbed a note pad and a pen, writing Alfred, thank you for everything you've done for me, I love you so much. - Y/n. Tears stained the sheet of paper, she didn't want to leave Alfred, the man who took her in and loved her when Bruce wouldn't.

When Alfred saw the note, his blood boiled. He knew this was going to happen, but he hated that Bruce let her leave. Alfred immediately busted into Bruce's room, waking Bruce up. "What did you do?" He angrily shouted, holding up the note. "Why did you let her leave?"

Bruce sat up and stretched, waking himself up before he took the note in his hand. He read it, heart beating harder. He thought Y/n just went to sleep in one of their guest bedrooms, he didn't know how serious she was the night prior.

~~~~

Months after the divorce finalized, Y/n was feeling a lot better. She now owned her own house, had a new big movie she was working on, and was happier. She of course never told anyone about Bruce Wayne's big secret, she still respected and loved him. There was no way she couldn't not love him.

Her mind would wonder off, thinking about what would have happened if he did actually pick her up, took her back up to their bedroom, loved her. She wonder if things would have changed, if he actually would have taken her seriously and been better for her. She then would bring herself back to reality, dealing with the harsh reality that that didn't actually happen, and it wasn't going to.

Y/n didn't see Bruce after that night, but she knew he was watching her. She knew what his gaze felt like, she would feel it when she walked on the street, even when she was in her home. Although she was mad at him for spying on her, a part of her loved him for looking after her, for missing her.

The media of course made a big deal about this separation. They created rumors and lies about why they split up, it was always something not even close to the truth. That Bruce cheated on her, that she was having a secret affair with her friend Nicole, or that they both were married as a publicity stunt. It was all stupid.

Whenever Y/n was asked about it in interviews, she would deny the rumors. "It was a 'right person wrong time' kind of thing, I still respect and love him very much." She would always say something of that sort to the public. It was true. She would never answer personal questions about Bruce. Mostly she was asked why he was so reserved for being so well known.

Every now and then, Y/n watched the news about what Batman did the night before. She hated that even after the divorce, he still was saving the city, but what was he supposed to do now? He now didn't have a wife to come home to, how else was he supposed to fill his time, how else was he supposed to take his anger out?

He hated himself for picking being Batman, he missed his wife so much. He ate less, slept less, breathed less. He always wanted to reach out, he wanted to hear her voice, smell her scent, feel her touch. He now knew this is how she felt when he was ignoring her. God, he hated himself.

He would watch over her, make sure she's safe. Make sure she's happy. He heard about her being in a big upcoming movie, he was glad she was living her life, even if it was without him.

When Don Mitchell was murdered, Bruce was invited to the funeral. Although he already knew more about the murder as Batman, he needed to be at the funeral just in case any information was released from anyone. It would be odd if Batman showed up to a funeral.

He dreaded going out. He barely went out in public as Bruce Wayne before the divorce, but now he avoided it even more.

Bruce drove his car through the crowd of people, following where ever he was told to go. Once he was there, he got out of the car and handed the keys to the valet and hands him some money. He hears the press screaming his name to come over to talk to them, but he of course didn't. He was there for one thing.

Bruce followed the other known people into the building, listening to any conversation he can. His eyes stayed on the ground, as if not looking at anyone would make it easier to hear. His eyes glanced up for a quick second, catching a glimpse of a girl whose back was turned to him.

He fully turned his attention to the girl, recognizing her. He stopped in his tracks, heart starting to ache. Y/n stood before him, talking to her friend who he recognized as Nicole. He watched as Nicole noticed him, nudging Y/n, bringing her attention to Bruce. It was the first time since the divorce that they made eye contact.

Y/n's eyebrows furrowed in a mix of surprise and longing. She gives Bruce a closed mouth smile, biting the inside of her lips. She looked behind Bruce, seeing that Mayor Reál was approaching him. Knowing that Bruce hates talking to people, Y/n walks over to Bruce, stopping right in front of him.

Bruce watches as Y/n walks to him, his heart racing, his arms longing for her, but he keeps them still. There was no expression on his face, but she could tell he missed her. Y/n watches as the new to be mayor notices her and walks away, leaving the 2 alone.

"Hello, Bruce." She sweetly says, smiling up at him.

Y/n spent 2 years in her marriage already feeling like they've been divorced, so it didn't take long for her to get herself back on her feet after the divorce. It wasn't hard to see him because of the heartbreak, it was hard to see his dark circles under his eyes, his prominent bones much sharper from lack of food.

"Hey, Y/n." His rough voice responded. He cleared his voice.

They started talking about how they've been since the divorce, Y/n could tell he changed a lot. He was more open to talking about his feelings with her, his eyes never left hers, his eyebrows pulled closer together and lowered as he listened to her talk.

"We should catch up more," Y/n starts, "not here, though." Bruce nods, hoping this meant good for their relationship. "Still have my number?"

"Of course," Bruce gave a ghost of a smile.

"It was nice seeing you Bruce," Y/n places her hand on his arm. "talk later?" Bruce finally broke eye contact to look at Y/n's hand placement. He missed her so much.

He nods while saying, "It was nice seeing you too, Y/n."

Bruce was never mad at Y/n for the divorce, he was always only mad at himself. He never wanted to watch over Y/n while she lived her life, but he couldn't ever help it. He wanted to distance himself as far away from her as possible, but he needed to know she was okay.

When Y/n walked away, back to Nicole, Bruce reminded himself of why he was here. His eyes landed on Don Mitchell's son, the one that found his father dead. He noticed that Y/n was now talking to the widow, Mrs. Mitchell.

Bloody screams came from outside, a lot of commotion from the second story of the church. Bruce looked up and saw someone standing still, not being effected by all the movement and screams. Bruce knew something bad was about to happen, he looked back at Y/n and Mitchell's kid. Y/n was facing Bruce, standing in front of the kid.

Y/n rushed the kid and the mother away from the front of the church. She didn't know what was going on, but she wanted to help. She also didn't know where to go, so she just stood there, looking at Bruce confused and worried.

A car bursts through the church. Bruce runs and grabs Y/n, saving her from being crashed into. They rolled on the ground, stopping a few feet from where she once stood. Stunned by what was happening, Y/n stayed still laying on the ground.

Bruce got up, holding a hand out for her. She grabbed it, helping herself up. "You need to go," Bruce said, still holding onto the girls hand. Before Y/n could say anything in return, people were screaming at the person driving the car to get out.

Bruce and Y/n turn their attention to the car door opening and a man struggling to get out. Something was bolted around his neck, a bomb strapped to him. "Y/n, you need to leave." Bruce said again, this time a lot more serious. Y/n nodded, letting go of Bruce's hand and quickly exited the building.

~~~~

Y/n was safely at her home now, out of the funeral clothes, and was now laying down in her warm bath, rethinking the events that happened hours before. Everything confused her, but she knew it somehow was related to Batman. She then thought about Bruce Wayne.

She missed him, of course, praying he would reach out to her. She knew that it was unfair of her to break off their marriage but then expect him to come running back to her, but she knew he changed. She could tell by the way he spoke, the way he opened up to her, the way he looked at her.

As she thought about this, she heard her phone ping. She didn't think anything of it, ignoring it until she was out of the bath. As she wrapped herself in her towel, she picked up her phone.

Messages: Bruce Wayne Hey

Her eyes widened, heart skipping a beat. She reread the message, making sure she wasn't seeing things. She bit her lips, holding the phone, smiling. She opened her phone, clicking on the message to reply. "Hey" she wrote back. She wasn't sure what else to say, she thought for a moment.

After Bruce sent Y/n the text, he was praying to not mess up the second chance Y/n was giving him. He sat in his batcave, hovering over his phone, waiting for a reply. When his phone lit up, he immediately saw it. "Hey" It read. He picks up his phone, unlocking it and he starts typing, "You looked really beautiful today." But then he erased it, thinking it wasn't appropriate.

Seeing the 3 dots appear from Bruce's profile got her excited, but when they disappeared, she was confused. She put her phone down, getting dressed into her pajamas. Once she came back to her phone, there was no new messages from Bruce. Sighing, she typed something.

"Thank you for saving me, I didn't get to say it earlier." Bruce cracked a smile at this text from Y/n. He was happy that even though he didn't respond, she still texted back. "It's no problem." He wrote back.

"Can we meet up sometime tomorrow, to catch up?" Y/n sent. Bruce immediately replied, "Yeah, 11 at my place?" Y/n smiled, replying with "Yeah, I'll see you then."

Smiling at his phone, Bruce gets up and exits the batcave, making his way to Alfred. Bruce informs him about Y/n coming over, making Alfred ecstatic. He then scolds Bruce about the importance of not messing this up, making Bruce roll his eyes in annoyance. "I know, I'm not going to mess this up."

~~~~

Y/n walks into the Wayne manor, smiling at the guards at the entrance that recognize her, nodding their heads at her as she passed. She turned a corner, seeing Bruce waiting for her at the entrance of the elevator. Smiling, Y/n walks to him. His smile grew at the sight of her, his eyes longing for her once again.

"Hey," She says as they both walk into the elevator.

"Hey," He said, his eyes never leaving her. As the elevator door closed and starting moving up, silence fell between them.

Unsure if the silence was awkward or not, Y/n said with a joking voice, "So, what was that about yesterday?"

"Hm?" Bruce says for a moment before responding with a sigh, "Oh, it's a really long story." He brings a hand up to rub his eyes, which looked very tired.

"So, you're still doing the Batman stuff?" Y/n asks, looking up at him.

Bruce nods, adding, "After our," he pauses for a moment, "uh, divorce, I didn't know what to do with myself." He looks at her, unsure if bringing up the divorce was still a touchy subject or not.

"Yeah," she says, nodding and scratching the back of her neck, "I wanted to talk to you about that- the divorce."

As Bruce nods once more as the elevator doors open. He was unsure how the conversation would go, what she wanted to talk about, but he prayed for a good result.

Bruce paused for a moment, almost holding his hand out for Y/n to grab so he could lead her to the table like they did when they first started dating, but he couldn't. He takes a step out of the elevator and leads Y/n to the table that Alfred set up. He pulls out a chair, allowing Y/n to sit in it, and when she does, he pushed it in for her.

She barely blushed at this action, reminding herself that she can't do that. She sent a smile at him, watching as he sat down in his own seat across from her.

"So, um," She starts, not knowing how to start the conversation. Her head was down, avoiding eye contact. "I just wanted to tell you why I did it, I know I just left and we never got to talk through it,"

"I understand why you left," Y/n looked up, listening to him. "I was a terrible husband, I hate that it took us splitting up for me to realize that." It was now Bruce's turn to avoid eye contact as he spoke, "I'm truly sorry, for everything I put you through. And I know, a sorry is not even close to enough to what you deserve." He was looking down, feeling her eyes on him.

She leans over the table, placing her hand on his, causing him to look at her. "I know you're sorry, and I am sorry too. I made you choose between something you love doing and me, that was unfair of me to do."

"No, but I should have chose you," he pauses for a moment, looking into her eyes, "I want to choose you." His hand that was beneath hers flips so that their hand was resting in his palm.

Y/n looks down at the movement of his hand, then back up at him, registering his words. "And we'll have to work on that."

"Are you saying-"

"Yeah, we'll work on it," She says nodding, "work on us."

The End

A/n: Thank you so much for reading! Request if you have any!

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗟𝗔𝗕𝗬𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗛

　　　　　　　　　𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: Between love and pain, Y/N fights to save the relationship that once brought her and Chris together, but Chris's fear of commitment seems to stop them from moving forward, leading the two to find themselves trapped in a labyrinth of despair and uncertainty.

WARNING: Crying, fighting, dark thoughts, insecurities, angst (with a happy ending).

REQUESTED?: Yes, by anon

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Y/N looked at her phone, waiting for a message that never arrived. It was another lonely night, sitting in her bed, with her heart heavy with anguish. Her relationship with Chris started out like a fairy tale, but in recent days, everything seemed to be slowly falling apart.

She couldn't understand what was happening. There was a growing distance between them, as if Chris was moving away from her heart, plunging into an abyss of silence. The calls were becoming less and less frequent, the face-to-face moments rare and full of tension, the last one being the worst they had ever had.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Y/N walked down the hallway of Chris's house with a hesitant but happy heart. They hadn't seen each other for days, and she had noticed how distant he was in his texts, which made her want to visit him and spend the day together, maybe understand what had happened and help him with whatever he needed.

Entering the room she had frequented too many times to even count, she found Chris sitting on his own bed, his gaze lost somewhere in the distance. She quickly opened an involuntary smile, perhaps lighting up the room - as Chris said she always did - but he barely looked at her, his lips curling in a gesture of disdain.

"Hey baby." Y/N muttered softly, trying to ignore the feeling of rejection that enveloped her almost instantly.

"Hey." The brunette replied coldly, his voice cutting like a sharp blade.

Y/N tried to make conversation, she really did. She asked about his day, about how he was feeling, but Chris's answers were short and harsh. He seemed to avoid her at all costs, as if her mere presence was a nuisance.

The pain inside Y/N grew with every second that passed in that house that until days ago had been her refuge. She felt like a stranger in her own skin, an intruder in her own relationship.

As Chris continued to ignore her, the voice in her mind began to scream, hurling cruel accusations at herself. She found herself questioning her own worth, her own ability to love and be loved.

Tears threatened to overflow her eyes, but she fought to keep them contained. She didn't want to give Chris the satisfaction of watching her break, of watching her succumb to the pain he himself inflicted on her.

When it was finally time to leave, Y/N felt relief mixed with despair. She didn't know if she could stand another second in that place, surrounded by Chris's indifference.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Y/N really felt like she was holding on to a fragile rope, about to snap at any moment.

Meanwhile, Chris struggled through a storm of turbulent thoughts. Fear consumed him, dragging him away from the love he had found in Y/N. He found himself trapped in a cycle of self-destruction, fueled by his own insecurities and trauma. It all started when he realized that he loved her, he fell in love... Again.

Each unanswered message was a sharp knife piercing his soul, but he couldn't muster the courage to face his fears. Commitment was a monster that had haunted him since teenage days, a dark shadow that followed him even in his happiest moments.

He found himself questioning everything: his choices, his desires, even the very love he felt for Y/N, he didn't believe he had allowed himself to love her. Would it be fair to drag her into his darkness, condemning her to a life of uncertainty and pain? Or would it be nobler to walk away from her, leaving her free to find someone who could offer her the love she deserved?

The nights became endless for Chris, a constant battle between his head and his heart. He found himself lost in a labyrinth of doubts, struggling to find a way out but only sinking deeper into darkness.

Meanwhile, Y/N desperately tried to understand what was happening. They were just reaching the 3-month mark of their relationship, everything falling apart so suddenly, and so she blamed herself, questioned her own faults, trying to find an explanation for Chris's distance.

Maybe he had finally woken up and saw that she wasn't good enough for him. Maybe he had discovered he wasn't ready for a relationship. Or maybe... Maybe he had found someone else, the ideal and perfect woman.

But the answer was beyond her reach, hidden in the dark recesses of his mind.

And so, the gulf between them continued to grow, separating them more and more. It was a silent tragedy, a love lost in the shadows of doubt and fear. As Y/N struggled to stay afloat, Chris found himself diving deeper and deeper, moving away from the only ray of light in his life.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Y/N took a deep breath before knocking on the door of the triplets' house. Nick's invitation to spend the day there seemed like a ray of hope amid the darkness that consumed her soul. She knew that seeing Chris again would be painful after their last encounter, but the simple possibility of being close to him was enough to make her accept it.

Nick greeted her with a warm smile, but Y/N could barely return it. Her heart was beating wildly as she entered the place that transformed into a stage of pain and uncertainty. Every corner of the house seemed to echo with happy memories, but now those memories were like thorns piercing her skin.

She could feel Chris' gaze on her as she reached the living room floor, but when she turned to face him, he looked away at the turned off television, acting as if she were invisible.

Anguish grew inside Y/N every time she and Nick left his room, and inevitably, as if life was playing a trick on Y/N, came face to face with Chris. She found herself struggling to find words to break the oppressive silence that hung over them both. But Chris remained distant, his eyes empty, his expression impassive, monotonously answering Nick's questions.

She felt like a ghost...

Nick noticed the tension in the air at some point and tried to intervene, but Y/N just shook her head, unable to articulate the pain that consumed her. She felt like a helpless spectator to her own tragedy.

The day dragged on slowly, every minute an unbearable torture. Y/N tried to find comfort in the memories of the happy times she had shared with Chris, but now those memories were like sharp knives, cutting deep into her soul.

Nick found himself looking at Y/N all the time with a worried expression. He knew something was wrong, but Y/N dodged the topic every time he asked, as if he was stabbing her in the chest with a dagger, deciding to just force a smile, swallowing the words burning in her throat.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Y/N walked down the stairs with hesitant steps, determined to get a glass of water from the kitchen, but afraid of finding her own boyfriend - how ironic - without Nick by her side.

Upon reaching the room, her eyes quickly found the figure she knew more than herself, sitting in one of the chairs, his arms resting on the wooden table and his hands holding his phone tightly.

Y/N allowed herself to watch him for long seconds, before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, walking to the fridge, opening it while trying to ignore the feeling that her heart was being crushed in her chest.

"Hey." Her voice came out lower and more broken than she expected, making her wonder if he even heard it.

It's not like he'd answer anything, anyway.

She knew he would ignore her, as he had done all day, but a part of her still longed for a glimpse of the love they once shared.

As she filled her glass with water, the voice in her mind began screaming again, hurling cruel accusations against herself and her relationship.

Obviously, he's going to ignore you. He finally understands that you're just a broken piece to his perfect life.

You are not enough for him. He needs a strong, independent, and self-assured woman, not a scared little girl worn out by life like you.

Wake up, Y/N, he doesn't want you anymore.

You were a mistake.

A terrible mistake.

She found herself sinking into an abyss of self-deprecation, unable to find a way out.

It was then that something inside her broke. A wave of anger and sadness flooded her, filling her with a sudden determination. She dropped the half-full glass on the counter and turned to face Chris, her eyes brimming with pain and indignation.

"Chris." Y/N called, her voice shaking with suppressed emotion, coming out in a more vulnerable tone than she intended. "Can we talk? Please."

Chris blinked, clearly surprised by Y/N's sudden call. His eyes met hers, but he didn't say anything, just waited, as if he feared the words that might fall from his own lips.

He didn't expect her to keep trying.

Y/N felt tears burning in her eyes at the sight of him silent, expressionless, but she fought to hold her ground. She knew she needed to express the emotions that had been stifled within herself. If he didn't want her anymore, that was fine. She understood, but she needed him to formalize the situation.

"I don't know what's going on between us." She continued, clearing her throat, her voice becoming firmer as the words flowed. "But I can't live in this limbo of uncertainty anymore. I deserve better than to be ignored, Chris. We deserve better than this. I want to understand what's going on. What did I do?"

Chris remained staring at her for a few more seconds before lowering his gaze, unable to bear the intensity in Y/N's eyes. He found himself entangled in a web of regret and fear, unable to find the right words to express her feelings.

"I know I've been distant." He finally muttered, his voice thick with pain and his shoulders slumped. "And I'm sorry for that, Y/N. I just... I've been thinking, and I don't know if this is right anymore."

Chris' words cut Y/N like a sharp knife. That was it. He was going to break up with her. It would all come to an end.

She knew it.

"It's okay, it's not your fault." Y/N admitted finally. "It was... It was just a mistake... Right?"

Chris allowed his eyes to run over Y/N's weakened posture, his brow furrowed at her words.

"What was a mistake?"

"Us. We were a mistake...for you, at least." The girl sighed deeply after finishing her sentence, as if something large enough crushed her heart and lungs at the same time, hurting her and taking away all her air.

"No! What? No, honey, you were never a mistake. We... we are not a mistake, I promise you that." Chris perked up, jumping up from his seat, ready to walk over to Y/N, but his feet remained stuck against the floor, preventing him from even moving a centimeter.

"Then why, Chris? Why are you treating me like I'm a stranger? You keep pushing me away even though I try to get closer." She questioned him, thick, fat tears welling up in her eyes, running down her cheeks freely. "God, I did everything in my power to understand you, to talk to you and to make you feel welcomed, despite all the things and affirmations I needed from you too, I don't know anymore-" Her voice was already weakening when a loud and rude sob interrupted her own sentence, her right hand quickly rising towards her slightly open mouth, covering it, trying uselessly to stop the unwelcomed crying.

"Dove, please, I'm sorry for making you feel this way, I don't..." He shook his head, letting out an nervous laugh as his right hand flew to his own face, his index finger and thumb pressing the bridge of his nose, trying to stop his own tears from falling. "It was never my intention. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I just..." The boy's tone became extremely low too quickly, Y/N needing to hold her breath to hear him clearly. "I'm just scared."

"Scared? Scared of what? Do I make you feel scared?"

Chris swallowed hard, feeling the weight of Y/N's words like an anchor in his heart. He knew he needed to be honest with her, even if it meant facing his own demons.

"Scared of commitment... of giving myself completely to someone and ending up hurting myself in the process." His voice was a fragile whisper, loaded with vulnerability. "I know it's not fair to you, Y/N. You deserve someone who can give you the world, someone who isn't afraid to love. But I don't know if I'm that someone."

Y/N's tears continued to fall, a mixture of sadness and frustration that she could barely contain. She wanted to scream, to hit Chris, to demand a clear and definitive explanation. But deep down, she understood his fears, his traumas.

"I understand you're scared, Chris." Her voice was soft now, tinged with compassion, her hands drying her tear-soaked eyelashes roughly, sniffling before speaking again. "And I don't judge you for that, I just needed you to be clear with me, that you trust me enough to talk to me when things get tough. I don't care if you have that fear, I would never invalidate your feelings." She shook her head quickly, as if she wanted to make that clear. "I just wanted to talk, to understand. You left me in the dark."

Chris pressed his lips into a thin line, his eyes brimming with emotion as his left hand went to his own hair, ruffling the strands. He knew Y/N was right.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, baby, I-" The boy took a deep breath, blinking quickly, trying futilely to ward off the tears that wouldn't stop welling up in his eyes. "I tried so hard to make you hate me. It would make everything easier, right? You would get tired at some point and give up. Give up on me. But I just ended up hurting you..." Chris shook his head, biting his bottom lip hard, the metallic taste of blood flooding his mouth within seconds. "You were breaking up with me, weren't you?" His voice sounded too close to a sob, his lower lip, now hurt, trembling at the thought of no longer having her as his girl, even though that was the plan from the beginning.

"I just thought it was what you wanted. You made it so explicit, Chris. How could I think of any other alternative than that?"

"I'm not too late, am I? To solve this?" His eyes looked like they were close to popping out of his skull when he finally managed to move and was able to walk towards Y/N with quick steps, grabbing her hands pleadingly. "I want to solve this... I'm sorry for what I've put you through these last few days, and I know that just saying sorry won't erase everything that I done, but I'll take care of it. I will take care of you. Please, dove."

"I need to ask you one thing first, Chris. Are you ready to stay in this relationship? I can help you and understand you, but there's no point in trying if you don't genuinely feel ready for this." Y/N explained sincerely, her heart aching with the contact of his skin against her own. She missed his touch so much.

"I do, I want you, only you, all of you, always! Please... please, babe, I-I know that I don't deserve it, but please give me a chance to make this right, to do this properly. Give me the chance to love you the way you deserve." Chris begged, squeezing his girlfriend's fingers between his own, involuntarily pulling her closer. "I want to try again, but properly this time. I want to fight my fears, my demons. And I want to do it with you by my side. Everything seemed so real now. Seeing you trying to break up with me made me realize that I can't see myself without you, I can't."

Y/N kept her eyes fixed on his for long seconds, searching for any trace of doubt, hesitation or lie on his face red and wet with tears, but she could only find a strong mix of hope and love.

She knew the road ahead would be difficult, full of challenges and uncertainty. But for the first time in a long time, she felt a spark of hope light up.

"Okay."

"Yeah? Really?" A low sob escaped Chris's mouth, fat tears rolling down his rosy cheek from the strong emotions in a short space of time, his heart racing strongly against his chest.

"Yeah. I don't want to lose you, so let's do this together." She whispered.

The boy let out a sigh of relief through tears, a small smile taking over his lips in seconds, his hands working to pull hers closer, consequently bringing her body close to his, engulfing her into a tight hug.

"I'm gonna do this right this time."

And she believed him.

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[most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer]

Good Omens: Lockdown and Crowley not mentioning his living situation in S2*

*till S2E6 when he asks if he can have his apartment back bc he's bored of living in his car but Aziraphale doesn’t hear bc mentally he’s in Alpha Centauri.

Having read the 'Crowley doesn't tell him' Neil Gaiman ask close to when I first listened to Lockdown (I lived under a rock until recently), my initial thought was HAS HE BEEN LIVING IN HIS CAR FOR YEARS?! but I think he was still in his apartment in 2020:

as far as Hell knows, Crowley just had a pool party in holy water (the holiest) so the higher-ups are probably willing to give him some space (plus Beelzebub is busy going on pub dates w Gabriel)

while there should be ~8 months between the end of Season 1 events (The Very First Day of the Rest of Their Lives on Sunday, Aug 25, 2019) and the Lockdown phonecall (on or near the 30 year anniversary on May 1, 2020), I can't imagine that's a very long time for Hell, especially if you're understaffed and busy dealing with fallout from Almostgeddon / going on pub dates

Shax dropping off mail and asking about the boiler seems like something one does in the first few months of living somewhere, not ~3 years in (if S2 is in 2023)

That said, I think the phone call underlines why Crowley never directly tells Aziraphale that he is living in the Bentley in S2, and it's just a great conversation (all hail Gaiman) sooo I wrote about it:

***Note: This post analyzes the Lockdown phonecall from Crowley's perspective only. Our heroine is feeling quite emotionally vulnerable at this point in time so things are going to hit him harder than they normally would.

I do not think Aziraphale meant to cause him pain (!!) but Crowley can't see that yet and I've written this post in a way that reflects that missing insight. (I explain in more detail in this reblog if you are interested) I am working on a companion post for Aziraphale's side of this conversation and how I think it affects his behavior in S2 because if we know anything about these two, it's that their exactlys are different exactlys.***

Crowley’s habit of sleeping to skip time like an RPG character by a campfire amuses me to no end, but in this context it feels heavy. Crowley already worries about losing time with what he loves and he probably hoped things would be different between him and Aziraphale after the events of S1. But things don’t change much. Then lockdowns start, and Crowley is trapped in his apartment alone, transcendentally bored, and unable to make his brain shut up. Sleeping a month away starts to sound less awful.

But Crowley hasn’t given up yet; he’s still awake when Aziraphale calls, and he’s even giving it two more days. Was he waiting for Aziraphale to call? Is it even possible not to at least kind of wait for someone’s call when you are cut off from everything and the caller has been your only friend and crush for millennia?

Aziraphale asks why Crowley isn't "out and about" tempting people or setting a bad example and he responds:

C: Everyone's so miserable and cooped up right now anyway, and I just… well… don't have the heart for it. A: *glowing audibly* I'm not miserable~ C: Really?

Crowley sounds genuinely surprised at Aziraphale's happiness and quickly assumes it's because the angel has been around people. He's so lonely/depressed/in his own head that he hadn't even considered someone enjoying being 'cooped up'. *sob*

Aziraphale goes No actually I put the closed sign up in the window and I'm having the Time of My Life, never had so few customers, not in 200 years!, etc. Although, he says:

A: …There were a few young lads a couple of nights ago who broke in through the back and tried to steal the cashbox! But they soon saw the error of their ways~ C: *clearly amused* Did you smite them with your wroth? A: Well I certainly gave them a good talking to, and I sent each of them home with cake~ C: *annoyed, swooning* Cake? A: Quite a lot of cake, actually. C: *physically ill from having such a giant crush on this dumbass baker/security guard* eeeekkkgghhh I'm gonna regret asking but.. ...rrgh.. *30 seconds of Aziraphale joyfully describing his baking while Crowley probably tries very hard not to imagine the angel eating each item in sensual slow motion* I stg you can hear him struggling in the background once or twice

A: …And once I've baked them, I have to eat them all myself, which was why I was so delighted— C: To send your burglars home laden with baked goods, yes, nnyeaayeah I follow…

Crowley interrupts, finishing Aziraphale's sentence in his nervous hurry to say the next bit:

C: *loud inhale* You know, I could.. hunker down at your place. … Slither over and watch you eat cake. I could bring a bottle--a case of… something… drinkable…?

He's trying to sound so casual about it but this is someone who was rejected/abandoned by actual literal God after asking what he thought were welcome, uncontroversial questions. Asking makes him vulnerable. He's supposed to be the rescuer, not a demon in distress. He does not feel casual about asking.

Crowley knows it's unlikely but he's so miserable and desperate for company that he can't help but ask, just in case. Even the smallest chance of spending time trapped indoors with Aziraphale—with nothing to do but drink, watch him eat, and talk about things they'd normally avoid—is too tempting.

A: *panicking* Oh I— I— I— I— I'm afraid that would be Breaking All The Rules! *nervous breathing* Out of the question! I'll see you… when this is over. C: Right. gnnehh. I'm setting the alarm clock for July. Good night, angel. *dial tone*

And just like that, Crowley doesn't need two days to decide. The depression nap doubles in length. He doesn't hear how badly Aziraphale wants to say yes behind the fear, or maybe he does and it hurts worse because why isn't Crowley enough for him? You can almost hear the spiralling:

SHOCKING, asking made it worse. It always does doesn’t it? Why even bother? you just embarrass yourself.. SLITHER over? why did I say that *grumble grumble* of COURSE His Holy Holiness, your only friend in the universe, would rather eat cake by himself while everything goes to shit than ~deign~ to have you in his presence. "AsK aND yE sHaLl ReCeIvE" bugger this for a lark im going to bed

(a bit dramatic but we've all been there)

I imagine sleep doesn't come right away. Maybe his thoughts drift to when he sat beside the angel at a dark Tadfield bus stop after a rather eventful Saturday. Crowley must've felt a tiny bit hopeful when he invited Aziraphale to stay with him: Heaven had withdrawn its favor and the bookshop was gone; Aziraphale was like him now. Didn't that mean things would change?

"I don't think my side would like that." Apparently not.

In the end, Aziraphale did ride the bus back to Crowley's apartment and stayed till the next morning when he caught a cab, but only to sell the illusion. Crowley understood that as far as sides went, the angel was still on Heaven's, even if Heaven wasn't on his.

And now this: the entire world is shut down; there is nothing for Aziraphale to do but stay in and read and bake in his magically reconstituted bookshop and he still won't invite Crowley in. Burglars and un-fallen angels only—nobody who asks questions.

So... of course Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale when he loses his apartment. He already knows what answer he would get; the angel has told him so many times. Aziraphale is a company man first, a companion to one very sad owl when convenient.

If Crowley works up the courage to say 'please take me in, I have nowhere else to go' and Aziraphale goes 'sorry, no, far too political, but I WILL risk being erased from the Book of Life to protect this nude amnesiac former coworker who always hated me,' it's going to be too much. You can't sleep long enough for that type of hurt to go away. Better not to say anything.

"Then nothing has to change, does it?"

[teaboot]

Okay so I have therapy later so I'm thinking about things my therapist has said and one thing I'm actually stuck on is "You can just have casual friends you hang out with sometimes for fun. You don't have to like everything they do and you don't have to agree with their choices, they can just be sometimes-have-drinks friends" and like???

I can TOTALLY get along with people I don't 100% agree with! I can ABSOLUTELY be friendly and have a nice afternoon with people I don't especially like! But like??? If I don't trust and respect them, wht would I call them my friend??

The conversation started as, like. "I only have three or four people in my life and I want to expand my bubble a little, but I've been told I have high standards- My standards are just, "people I like being around, who I admire and respect and don't treat me badly"- so how do I lower that standard without putting myself at risk? SHOULD I lower that standard? Or is it better to be a bit lonely, rather than allow for the chance of negativity and discomfort?"

And it feels like her solution to that was just, "expand your definition of friendship".

But like. How??

A friend is someone who I'd trust alone in my home. A friend is someone I want to do unpleasant chores for. A friend is someone who could have a spare key and my phone number and takes turns venting and sharing dirty secrets and asking for help and advice.

And the things I "don't approve of"- things like lying, cheating, dumping work on others, being catty and passive-agressive and not communicating... I can get along with people like that, but I dont consider them friends, because I don't trust that they wouldn't do it to me, and I don't like that they do it to others, and it's exhausting to confront people about their behaviors even if you DO already like them.

But I should hang out with people like this socially, and call them friends, and invite them into my life? Just to get out of the house? What happens if they want to come over? How could I say, "No, I'm scared of getting closer to you"? Or, "No, I don't want you to get closer to me"? Or, "No, I don't actually find you entirely pleasant, and it's not at all your fault, but let's keep this casual"?

That doesn't seem very nice, or very fair. But feelings aren't fair, are they?

Is this an Autism thing? Is it a Trauma thing? Narcissism? A misunderstanding? A delusion? Or something else?

Is everybody constantly trapped in the choice between Comfortably Lonely or Exhausted with Company?

How is anyone supposed to choose?

[mtkay13]

Two illustrations of the "are you sincere?" scene, TYK, chapter 65.

More words below! VERY VERY LONG POST AHEAD

It's probably one of the most famous scenes of the book, considering it's the closest to an actual, outspoken declaration of feelings. Funnily enough, my first reaction to the scene was that of frustration, since WenZhou get once again interrupted, and the running gag + horniness distracted me from everything else that was going on in that scene which I now consider to be truly incredible, imo.

Those two illustrations, but mainly the second one, mainly take from one small paragraph in particular, but I will elaborate a little bit on other parts as well. First, though, a translation of the scene:

[...] Wen Kexing raised his head, looked at him. The lamp's light softening Zhou Zishu's chiselled features shone through his eyes, and Wen Kexing was lost in thoughts— He felt like he and this man had known each other for such a long time. From the moment he'd noticed his shoulderblades, felt this rush of excitement, to when he'd started liking who Zhou Zishu was, when he'd thought——so this is the Commander of Tian Chuang. Suddenly, he'd felt as if he'd met his other self. Both of them, lone wolves caught in a hunter's trap, struggling for freedom to no avail, until they had resolved to coldly gnawing off their own legs in the end. He'd felt compelled to follow him around, watched him, until he suddenly realised—if Zhou Zishu could live like this, then surely, so could he? He thought, and thought, until he fell, fell deep until he couldn't climb out anymore. Wen Kexing absent-mindedly reached out to gently caress Zhou Zishu's face, only brushing him with his fingertips. He felt a slight chill from contact of Zhou Zishu's rough skin against his own palm littered with scars and callouses. All of a sudden, he blurted: "Don't die. Should you die and leave me behind, I would be so lonely..." Zhou Zishu grasped his wrist, but didn't shake him off. He smiled: "As long as there is the slightest chance for me to live, I won't die. My life is mine, my gong-fu is mine. The Heavens granted me this fate, and taking it back from me won't be that easy." Zhou Zishu's breath brushed against Wen Kexing's fingers. He squinted, then said, seemingly deep in thoughts: "Once upon a time, an owl knocked over the bowl of red water carried by a villager..." Zhou Zishu looked at him and, his expression unchanged, he gently asked the question he'd already asked before: "Why was the villager carrying a bowl of red water?" Wen Kexing's lips slowly stretched into a smile, and he answered: "Water is colourless, but should blood trickle into it, wouldn't it turn red?" Zhou Zishu still looked at him but remained quiet. As if Wen Kexing's spirits had suddenly returned to him, his faraway gaze coming back into focus.

"Ah-Xu, you should sleep with me once," Wen Kexing said, his eyes smiling up into crescent moons. "This way, we'll have each other in our hearts; so you won't die so easily, and neither will I. How does that sound?" His tone was playful, but Zhou Zishu didn't banter back; he merely watched Wen Kexing with an odd glint in his eyes, and after a moment, he asked: "Are you sincere?" Wen Kexing chuckled, leaned forward so that his breath was brushing against Zhou Zishu's lips: "Can't you tell, if I'm sincere or not?" Zhou Zishu faintly startled, before he replied in a low voice: "I... I really can't. I haven't seen much sincerity in my life, and can hardly discern it. So, are you?" Wen Kexing's fingers climbed up along the curve of Zhou Zishu's shoulder, and he tugged his bun loose. His black, silky hair cascaded down, at once making the hardened man appear a few shades more fragile. Wen Kexing's playful smile faded, and in a soft, yet deeply grounded voice, he said: "I am." He closed his eyes, and pressed his lips to Zhou Zishu's, finally lifting the heavy turmoil from his heart. Zhou Zishu slowly reached up, a long moment passing before he rested his hand upon Wen Kexing's shoulder, gripping his robes with his fingers. [...]

Phew that was a bit long but it felt necessary! TL by me.

Obviously, the second illustration is based on this passage:

"Wen Kexing's fingers climbed up along the curve of Zhou Zishu's shoulder, and he tugged his bun loose. His black, silky hair cascaded down, at once making the hardened man appear a few shades more fragile," which I have lost my mind about too many times to count. I feel like the contrast between this and the mention of Zhou Zishu's rough skin, and his assured words above, is very cool.

About the scene itself, while I guess it's mostly self-explanatory, I feel like mentioning what particularly touches me here:

I think that Wen Kexing's impression of Zhou Zishu, his freedom, "the way he lives", is really the core of what moved Wen Kexing in the first place. It is also echoing that scene, back in Dongting, when Wen Kexing watches Zhou Zishu lazily sitting in a restaurant, feeling what could be interpreted as resentment or envy when he sees how free he looks.

Wen Kexing unconsciously halted his steps. He stared at Zhou Zishu’s relaxed silhouette for a while, with no trace of an expression in his face or eyes. His heart swelled with some strange feeling—strange, in that it was no feeling at all. He felt as though this man was mocking him with this wordless posture; he who rushed around for one thing or another, who was burdened with so many cares, yet obstinately put on a devil-may-care persona. Zhou Xu—as carefree as duckweed, he thought, with a body like willow catkins. In all the world, with its boundless perspectives, where could you find someone who walked their path alone and never allowed anything to trouble them?

(TL by Lianzi)

Wen Kexing longs for him, to be like him, to be free like him; they both came to having to hurt themselves to be free of their shackles, but Zhou Zishu kept living freely afterwards.

By evoking the red water, the past he could never tell straightforwardly, I think that Wen Kexing is expressing how this past of him has been his shackles and how now, he wishes to follow along, to follow Zhou Zishu in his freedom.

And then, Zhou Zishu's words—they almost feel like his own confession, to me. Later, by the tree as well, his words refer to life, the will to live, and not being really direct, it sounds like his way of telling Wen Kexing, "I am serious about you." Wen Kexing was the first one to hold onto his life, to want for Zishu to live, and now Zishu follows along.

His words feel so powerful, and said so straightforwardly, baring himself to Wen Kexing like that, it makes so much sense for me to expect, finally, a proper confession from him as well, considering how each and every one of Wen Kexing's declarations have so far been over the top, jokey or deflected one way or another. Of course, I also think that Zishu does feel some form of insecurity, does need reassurance, and is gambling a lot here, but I guess... he's essentially worked to bare himself and expects the same in return.

ANYWAY. I think this is a gorgeous scene. I DO think, for balance, that the ending is a bit abrupt and that they would have deserved for Priest not to undermine the emotions right away—for that does take away from it a bit and distracts (calling back, once again, to the tired running gag of "oops they're interrupted). Not that the joke shouldn't have come up, but it could have waited a bit more.

But yeah! Thanks for reading!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for my ruined relationship with my soulmate?

[Author's note: some details are purposefully ignored or exaggerated for unreliable-narrator purposes]

I (F) have been trapped in a hunger-games sort of situation for the past six weeks. The way it works is that we all got three lives, green, yellow, and red, and when we were reduced to red we were taken over by... a sort of bloodlust. We also shared our life force with another, a soulmate who felt every pain we did. If one died, so did the other.

When the game began, an acquaintance M (M) and I went looking for resources to share with our soulmates. We went somewhere sort of dangerous in search of rare materials, but we were careful and returned safely.

Afterwards, we went looking for our soulmates. We found them- mine was S (M) and M's soulmate was C (F). I had the strangest feeling that we were friends in some kind of past existence, so I thought I could trust them... but I was wrong.

S and C said we'd abandoned and endangered them. They didn't listen to reason when I tried to explain that we were being careful and we just wanted to stock up early. They said they chose each other as their soulmates, and left, and then M blamed me for everything and he left too, and I was so alone...

I tamed a wolf, Tilly. If they wanted to choose their soulmates, then fine, I chose Tilly. I built myself a lovely tall tower to keep an eye on everyone who might ever want to hurt me. Tilly had a little fall while I was working but she was okay, she came back as yellow! Good wolf, she would never leave me :)

I visited a pair of acquaintances, B (M) and R (M), to play a little prank on them, just for a minute. R accidentally angered a monster while chasing me, and he got killed, so I tried to protect the things he dropped from S and C, who wanted to steal it all. But R didn't appreciate my efforts, he said it was my fault he died and called me all sorts of names and banished me from his house!

I was really upset at S and C, so I decided to get back at S by purposefully letting myself get frostbite and making him have to heal us. I guess rumors of what I had been up to spread, because soon enough, everyone thought I was crazy. It wasn't even that bad, it was only a little tickle really!

Some of the other contestants organized a little party, and we played a game where one of us swung the others around with a fishing rod. Another pair, J (M) and E (M) accidentally got hurt too much and died, so as a joke I decided to take the fancy armor they dropped. I was going to give it back, but they killed me before I even could, and then S yelled at me again!

Everything descended into chaos after that. People started burning each others' houses down, someone brought a giant monster up to the surface. S, C, and I were forced to team up to increase our chances of survival, even though they kept criticizing me and calling me the "crazy ex" the whole time.

I bred Tilly with a wolf that S found, and soon enough I had a whole army of wolves to accompany me. But S was stupid and got caught burning down another pair's house so they killed him and then I was red.

I left S and C since they clearly didn't want me there, and tried to get the other reds to let me join them, but they kept calling me crazy and trying to kill my wolves. So I took my revenge on the reds, I killed them with my axe, whack whack whack, and my pack and I laughed and ate and cheered.

After that, it was just M, C, S, and me. M and C tried to kill me, but getting rid of them was easy enough. But... then I realized that Tilly was gone. M said she was corrupting me, but I wasn't corrupted! All of them were, for being so mean to me!

I didn't even get to finally have a proper fight with S like I always wanted to... he blew himself up and then it was just me for only a moment before I died too and...

...I don't deserve this. Winning.

Maybe I really am a monster.

I'm so lonely.

[itsmebytch001]

Yes, here I am asking myself shit beacuse I am loosing my mind.

(Not really)

Yan Dad Miguel X adpoted daughter who trises to keep out Miguel from his overbeaing love so she baracdes the door to her room????

Hello Me!!! (I'm not mad, just odd)

Miguel Had snatched you out your own universe a few months ago, keeping you in his flat, under constant servelince with the only company you had was LYLA, she was fine but you needed somthing more than her, and Miguel.

When Miguel was home he was lovely, truly unsettling but lovely. He brought you presents like clothing, flowers, jewllery and books! He

would kiss you on your cheek (if You'd let him) and hold you tight.

And at this point Miguel had been gone for three days, LYLA had been good company, shown you films, played games with you, done some dress up all that. And to be honest, you dreaded the time Miguel, or Papa (he made you call him) would come back, it was supposed to be this afternoon, you had made dinner for the both of you as knew it was expected, plus he had been out for 3 days doing god knows what and he must have been tired after all that he should't have to cook for himself aswell.

Honestly you are beggining to feel like a platonic house wife.

Why should you cook, really? You don't owe him aything, he put you here! keeps you here like a dog, treats you like your mad whenever you call him out for how absurd this all is!! You are not his daughter, you are not an alt Gabi and yet he behaves as if you, and almost adult are just a quivering little leaf lost in the wind with out his fatherly guidence!!

The heavily secured door opens, and here you start again to grittedly smile at him as he enters, holding is arms out to you, expecting a hug.

Miguel: "Ahh Y/N! Iv'e missed you dear!

Y/N: "Hey Miguel"

He tiredly sighed and wagged his finger in your face.

Miguel: "Y/N we have been over this, It's Papa"

You turnded around back to the stove to pile up his food, rolling your eyes with your back to him.

Y/N: "Yes papa" You said as genuliey as you could, he bought it!

He sits at the table where you bring him his food, then your own as you sit infront of him acroos the small table, sulking to yourself, my god you were lonely, missing friends, work, your Mum. Miguel in the beggining would always press to you that a young girl having a fatherly mentor was good, so it was fine that he would just appear at your work to pick you, show up at your home to scould you for not cleaning your room, throw out your lunches to replace with the ones me had made for you beacuse his were more nutrious, that it was okay when your boss was being a dick that he then turned up at your work to beat his arse, it was all just his fatherly love!

Now you are here, alone, and trapped.

As you pick at your food he notices your unhappy face.

Miguel: "Mija, why the long face?"

Y/N: " I told you to stop calling me that"

Miguel; "Excuse me?"

Y/N: "I'm not your daughter, I'm not an alternative of your daughter, we aren't even blood!"

Miguel: "Y/n, don't be rude now, we may not be blood but we are family, and as your guardian It is my job to look after you"

Y/N: "Two things, My guardian is supposed to be my Mum, and This-*Gestures to sourdings* Is not taking care of me this is holding me hostage!"

Miguel appears irratated.

Migeul: "I put you here beacuse your mother is reckless, you are reckless! I knew That I could provide you with a batter life!"

Y/N: "THIS IS NOT A LIFE!" You yell throwing your hands up!

Y/N: "And how dare you talk about my fucking Mum! she tried, she was there, she supported me, and YOU just swooped me up, disreagted everything she did for me to sooth yourself for what you are now doing to me!"

Miguel: "ENOUGH!" he yelled slamming his hands down on the table, shaking it, though you ratinally knew he wouldn't hit you, that did't stop you being afraid.

Miguel: "Go to your room"

Y/N: "fuck you Miguel"

Miguel: "Go before I drag you!"

Y/N knew he was serious, so she went begrugged.

Slamming the door behind her, she heard Miguel from the bottom floor yell.

Miguel: "Don't you dare slam my doors in my fucking house!"

Y/N: "I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING GABIRELLA!"

You heard a smash...

Then a silence.

You know, ratinally it's out of cheacter for him to hit you he never would really, but your silly institcs come it.

...barracde the door.

so you did, with chair, a book shelf and a chest of draws the door is slealed.

About half a hour later you hear a soft knock, on the other side Miguel is leaning on the door, full of remorse.

Miguel: " Y/n, I'm s-Listen you were very rude down stairs but I shouldn,t have smashed anything, or swore at you"

You don't answer, you are to angry.

Miguel: "...Y/n?"

...

Miguel: "Answer me Mija"

How dare he call you that, again you think. You remain silent and you hear the door hanlde giggle.

Miguel: "ay, Mija open this door!"

Y/N: Please just go away!"

Miguel knew the door had no locking mechanism, you must put somthinh heavy infont of it.

Miguel: "Not before you open this door right now!"

He knows with his strengh he could really just bust though the door right now, but he wants you to open the door, he wants you to let him in, to him its proof you love him enough as your 'father' to allow him in.

Miguel: "Mij-"

Y/N: "Shut The FUCK UP!" You are so tired of that fucking title!

Miguel snaps, and bursts though the door in one fatal swoop.

The rubble of your bookshelf, chair's and other things clatter aroud your room smashed inot little spliters of wood. You cower on your bed, tucking away from him under a blanket like a little girl. As he body relaxes and he stand's all tall and looming like, he intiannly thinks he'll just yell at you, lecture you about rescepct and saftey for awhile and then cuddle you for awhile, hold you like a baby and carry you around.

But once he actually looked at you he saw how you turtled into yourself, shaking and crying, tensing even more as you heard him walk over to you. truly it saddned him to see you vulnarable, but also awoke a real fathery insticnt to comfort you.

laying on the bed with you he pulled you into him, cowering as he wrapped his arms arouund you, pulling you into his chest as he sighed into your hair.

Miguel: "I'm sorry My love, I'm sorry I scared you so, shhhhhh I say, It's okay, papa is sorry"

if it werent for how truly scared you are, you have told to fuck off again, but until then, all you could do is cry into miguels chest terrified as he tenderily stroked your head and back, shushing you ever so slight.

[imrllytootiredforthis]

More on sub bully yandere pretty plz 🥺🙏

i'm gonna do gyu again just bc sub bully=beomgyu (kinda a part two to this)

afterwards he just gets meaner and meaner. for a multitude of reasons-

one being that you humiliated him in front of the entire school, and now he needs to get back at you,

and the other being that he's head over fucking heels in love with you now and has zero idea how to talk to a crush other than bullying them

so he continues to fight with you. threaten you, insult you, release compromising photos of you taken by his own hand (which he also uses on lonely pent up nights)

he's an asshole. who doesn't know when to quit.

you don't exactly make it easy for him though.

every time he's harassing you, you're there with a blank face, arms crossed. giving nothing away, and taking every ounce of satisfaction away from him. knowing entirely that if his group of friends weren't standing there backing him up you could do whatever you wanted to him-and he'd let you.

but you don't.

because unlike him, you pride yourself of being a decent human being.

that somehow just makes him angrier though. makes him try harder to piss you off.

spilling your food all over your clothing, laughing as he lets out an "oops, sorry, i didn't mean to." all while cackling with his friends.

egging your car and writing on it with spray paint, causing damage he knows you don't have the money to fix.

he wants you to be angry. he wants you to be so pissed at him, at everything he's done to you that you just can't hold it in anymore. he wants you to finally snap and grab him by the neck. kiss him until he's breathless and dumb (his very first kiss) and then fuck him to oblivion and back (his very first fuck).

beomgyu wants you to put him in his place, unlike so many other people in his life that don't care as he walks all over them.

and it only takes a single thing for you to snap.

him loudly talking to you in the middle of class, taunting the fact that you somehow got a lower mark than him. leaning across the isle to get up into your face, smirking his dumb smirk.

you simply ignore him, preferring not to add to the scene until the teacher zeroes in on the two of you, looking unimpressed as she sends the both of you to detention.

--

"fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! what the hell is wrong with you?"

nothing. he only smiles back sweetly.

"i have shit that i need to do, places i have to be! records that i need to keep! i don't need to spend my time in detention with your sorry ass!"

nothing.

"you're so annoying, you hear me?"

infuriating fucking prick. absolutely nothing.

"a fucking brat who doesn't know how to man up and be a normal person. instead you're acting like a pussy, too scared to ask me out hmm? a pathetic loser virgin."

something.

his cheeks are flushed red, his face so close your noses are practically touching, his hands gripping onto the desk.

"yeah, is that what you are? a brat and a pathetic loser virgin?"

your hands on either side of his shoulders against the chair, trapping him in place. he's painfully hard in the confines of his pants.

the room around is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. the teacher had left awhile ago, not that she was supposed to, she just did and told you guys to behave.

the detention class was completely silent now. just the sound of your heavy breathing, his shallow pants and his heart beating so fast it seems as if it's about to leap out of his chest.

"say it."

his mouth feels dry, his body feels hot.

"say that you're a pathetic loser virgin and then maybe i'll take care of that for you, okay?"

his eyebrows knot together as you press a hand against him, biting his lip to hold back a moan. "i-..."

you nod, prompting him to continue.

"i'm a...pathetic virgin loser!" his eyes squeeze shut as he breathes it out, whining lowly under his breath. "i'm sorry! all i wanted was your attention!"

when he opens his eyes again, you're smiling.

"okay then. you have my attention now." you sit back against your own chair again. "come here."

he begins to stand up. "on your knees, beomgyu." face burning in shame, dick throbbing with humiliation, he shuffles towards you on his hands and knees until he sits between your legs.

"good boy." he shivers. "now, if you wanna take care of that, you're going to have to get off on my leg."

he looks at you as if you've grown a second head, as if you're crazy. he searches your face for any sign that you might be joking. "go on you mutt."

[bbyquokka]

my soul mate is my cat

pairing: lee minho x gender-neutral reader

genre: angst with a comfort ending – MDNI

synopsis: you adopt a cat to help ease the pain realising he is similar to someone you once held close to you

warnings: animal adoption, mental health, loneliness, unable to care for oneself, soft ending, soul mates, reincarnation

words: 1.7k ~ (1,704)

♡ m.list — ♡ you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

“why don't you adopt a cat!” you look up at your best friend and laugh.

“a cat?” you scoff. “seriously?”

your best friend nods and grins before taking a sip of their spirit. you're both out on a best friend date, eating at a local café whilst catching up on life.

“why not? cats are easy to take care off!” 

“i can hardly look after myself let alone an animal.” you chuckle softly.

“oh c'mon yn! are you not lonely since.. well, y'know..” you swallow as your best friend trails off. you let out a sad sigh as you look down at your pastry, suddenly feeling nauseous and the pastry looking unappetizing.

you have noticed that the days are long but the nights are even longer. since being alone, your apartment has felt twice the size of what it usually is. you haven't become lazy per say but the appeal of washing dishes and doing laundry just drains you the more you think about it, causing a pile to build and build until it becomes unmanageable. everything just reminded you of him, of minho. you hated being in the same four walls for that exact reason but you feared that if you left, you’d forget so you willingly trapped yourself.

you'd worry you'd forget about his smell. how he sounded. how he dressed. you still have all his belongings, scared and refusing to throw them out or give them away. every item of clothing still holds his scent, that scent that brings you so much comfort yet such sadness. everything of his still sits on your dressing table. photos, trinkets, dried up flowers, expired amusement park tickets–they're all memories.

nothing has quite been or felt the same. you went from being incredibly loved and being in love by an amazing and wonderful human to feeling nothing. just an empty shell walking and breathing. the only reason you are out right now is because your friend practically barged into your home unwelcomed, forced you to get dressed and dragged you out.

you can't deny that it feels nice to be outside again. the wind on your skin, the chirps of the birds and the buzz of pedestrians however, that part of you just wants to go home and bury yourself under heaps of blankets.

“c'mon yn. i think it'd be good for you. if not, at least think about it.” 

and think about it you do. as you wander around your apartment, all you can think about is a cat wandering around your home. maybe having a fluffy companion would do you some good. maybe it would bring you back and light that spark that's been extinguished.

the more the think about it, the more you want it. a sudden burst of energy rips through your body as you clean up your home. putting laundry in the machine, cleaning up dishes and throwing away trash. you bleach and disinfect every surface in your home, scrubbing until you can see your reflection in the counter tops. 

once that was done, you venture off to the pet store to grab the necessities. cat tree, scratching post, food and water bowls, litter box and litter alongside some food, treats and toys. maybe you overspent and the cat wouldn't use half of what you bought but it's better to be safe than sorry.

you made sure you home is cat friendly, feeling like you're baby proofing the apartment. you tuck away any loose cables, hide anything that could be potentially swallowed and cause harm. you haven't even decided if you want a cat or a kitten but either way, you will know once you come face to face with the animals.

“hi. i'm looking to adopt a cat.” you say to the shelter worker. you walked to your local shelter knowing it's better to adopt than to shop. they smile at you before asking you some questions and filling out some paperwork before leading you to the kennels.

there, you see a whole array of animals. puppies, kittens, dogs, cats. some old, some new. some frightened and some jumping all over the place with excitement. your heart melts but at the same time drops. seeing all these animals in kennels that have been abandoned and are waiting for their forever home, makes you wish you could just scoop them all up and take them home.

but for now, you can only pick one.

as you walk along the kennels, cooing and sighing at the adorable faces of the many breeds of dogs and cats, do you stop at one in particular.

you squat down as the cat stands from its resting place, uncurling itself and stretching out its stale limbs. it's a black, long coat cat with white around it's paws making it look like it's wearing socks. a little white moustache and white chest with long whiskers and pointy ears with tuffs of fur at the tips.

“hi.” you whisper as you put your hand up close to the metal. the cat sniffs your fingers, its pink nose twitching with each sniff before headbutting and rubbing its head on the bars. you stroke the back of its neck gently, heart melting as it starts to purr loudly.

“i want this one.” 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

it's been a few weeks since you adopted the cat, who's name is lee. lee was wary at first, hiding in the bathroom and nervous of its new surroundings and new noises. you spent time sitting outside the bathroom door trying to gently coax him out of the bathroom and let him know that he is safe.

soon enough, he gingerly stepped out off the bathroom, rubbing his head and body on your legs and hands as he would beg for attention. once lee knew he was safe did he show you his true side.

you learnt that he is a very playful yet stubborn cat. you'd catch him on the counter top (or even on top of the fridge) every time you tell him down, he would look at you and groom himself. you can't do anything about it though; he's a cute cat!

as you both slowly get accustomed to one another do you start to notice traits; traits that are all to familiar to you.

the slow blinks, the stubbornness, the playfulness. how he would meow at you when asking specific questions. the head tilts and the sudden swat of his paw on your hand; it's hard to explain to others but to you, you just know

it's a feeling you're all too familiar with. it's habits and traits you know far too well. you didn't want to believe it at first but now you're forced to. you even went as far as showing him a picture to which he nudged at and purred–like he is trying to tell you something.

you watch as he slowly sits up and stretches from your lap. your eyes widen at a distance mark on his fur in the same place as someone who was once close to you. lee looks at you and gives you slow blinks and purrs loudly as your eyes slowly full with tears.

“you're just like him, yknow.” you whisper. lee continues to give you soft blinks before gently placing his white paw on your cheek, his toes beans feeling soft yet firm against your skin. his fur soaking up your tears before he leans in and gently licks your cheek. his scratchy tongue swiping along your cheek as he gives you kisses to which you giggle at and hold him close to your chest.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“i'm not crazy.” you protest to your friend over the phone. “i swear, they're just like him!” 

“yn.. i know you miss him but that's impossible.”

“is it? i mean, don't you believe in the whole afterlife thing? y'know, being reborn and whatnot.”

“not particularly, no. it's just bizarre how you think that. are you ok, yn? like, really really ok?” you sigh deeply, rubbing your face with your hand.

“peachy. look, i know i sound crazy but it's true. it's just everything lee does is so alike to him. since adopting him, i feel more alive! like i have a purpose.”

“and that's great yn! but to say he is exactly like him is a little bizarre don't you think?” 

“well, yeah but– ah, never mind. look, i have to go. talk to you soon.” you hang up with a defeated sigh. of course they wouldn't believe you. you wouldn't if someone told you what you told your friend. they would have to see it to believe it; but even then, would they?

you drag your feet to your bedroom, smiling as you see lee curled up on his side of the bed. you flop down on your stomach, disturbing lee from his nap. his head shoots up, a tired and disapproved meow causing you to laugh softly.

“sorry darling. i didn't mean to wake you.” lee puts his head back down before letting out a big yawn. his ears twitching and soft purrs emitting as you gently pat his soft and silky fur.

“maybe i am a little crazy.” you say with a soft chuckle. “could you not give me a sign or something? i'll take anything at this point.” 

lee looks at you before getting up off the bed and walking out. you watch with a sad smile feeling defeated and your heart weighing you down.

moments later, lee walks back into the bedroom. he jumps up on the bed and drops a piece of clothing by your face. it's a sock but not just any sock–it's his favourite sock.

you sit up, holding the sock close to your chest as tears stream down your cheeks. you let out broken sobs as lee stands on his hind legs, front paws on your arms as he reaches up. you laugh softly, leaning down to allow him to lick your cheek slowly and gently to soothe you.

you scoop him up and nuzzle into his soft furr, getting it wet with your tears. lee endures it, purring softly and rubbing his face against your cheek.

“it's really you.” you whisper. “welcome back, my love.” 

note: idek. i saw a tiktok ok and it prompted me to do this. i have no words, sdjn;aslfb! don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. curious as to what is next? here is my wips list! i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

tags (open): @sstarryoong ; @fairylouist ; @septicrebel ; @alyszaen ; @writerracha ; @hyunluvxo ; @aestheticsluut ; @xcookiemonsteer ; @telesvng

[lexii282]

Hi hi!! ✨

This is my first short story maybe? That I’ve written and posting! And of course it's about Mr. Burrow himself because good lord 🥵

It is not proof read so this is your warning. If you see anything lmk! I don’t mind constructive criticism.

Go easy on me and hope you enjoy 🫶🏼

Untouchable

Warnings; none

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I woke up to the feeling of something trailing along the inside of my thighs as I lay there asleep. At first, I don’t realize what it is until I force the sleepy haze aside and concentrate only to put the pieces together. I'm in the hotel room that he rented and It’s his lips pressing against my skin gently just enough so I could feel it and wake up. His hands moved softly up and down my hips to my sides. Slightly massaging the parts he decides to stop at.He finally decides to stay focused on my hips just where the waistband of my underwear lay at and start to pull them down only to be stopped by my hands on top of his.

“And here I thought you had enough last night Burrow” I let a small smile grace my lips

He pops his head up with a smug smile and kisses his way up my body to finally land right next to my lips. Bringing my hands above my head trapped by his holding them down and finally says

“If you’re tapping out sweetheart that’s all you gotta say. Just tell me how you can’t take anymore and need a break” A small laugh bubbles out of me

“Joey please you and I both know we can keep it going but we both have places to be and people to see”

“And none of them are you in this bed dressed like this so I don’t care (y/n/n). He hovers above me with that same smug expression that I’ve grown to love in the past couple of months.

I stare back up at him

“Easy there. You’re starting to sound like you actually might have a crush on me”

He rolls his eyes and lays beside me and I turn to look at him.

“I like having your presence around. There’s nothing wrong with that.” he shrugs.

“Mhm. Just remember the deal okay? I don’t want anyone getting hurt lover boy”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head sweetheart I’m the last one you need to worry about catching feelings.”

I smile. “Good. Then I’m getting in the shower.”

“Can I join??” He asks as I was shutting the door

“Nope!” I hear his laugh right after

I stand under the shower head letting the hot water ease my muscles. The stress of the past couple of weeks catching up to me after leaving it behind for a few hours last night.

When you’re chasing your dreams you never truly believe everything they say about how you’ll miss the calm and stability you had in your life before you got everything you wanted. I guess that’s where Joe comes in for me. Since really being in the spotlight I never felt more alone and like no one understands. Of course, I love what I do but I just could never imagine how lonely I would feel.

Joe Burrow the QB for the Bengals. We met at a mutuals party one night when I was in town visiting my family and we hit it off. The conversation flowed and we had a lot in common. I felt like I could be myself for once and didn’t have to hold back. Eventually, too many drinks were consumed and we made our way back to his place via Uber because drunk driving? I could never.

We made it up to his room and I made myself comfortable on his bed while he had to go get something. Presumably a condom and finally when he comes back in the room hyped and ready just one look is all it takes to kill his mood. Why you ask?

Well, I would love to answer that question (hint the sarcasm). I had fallen asleep. One of the most embarrassing things I could have done and I did it in front of the Joe burrow. I’ve had a crush on the guy ever since he started playing for the team and I finally get my chance and I go and fuck it up. He made sure to tell me all about it the next day and loves to still bring it up to this day. We’ve since made this a recurring thing whenever we’re both in town or free to fly wherever the other one may be. It’s been easier meeting up with me being on a break but eventually, it’s going to come to an end with me going back to recording this new album.

Just a few months ago I had finished my arena tour and decided to take time off to really take everything in. All the accomplishments I was able to achieve just like I’ve always wanted and of course, I just wanted to take time away to spend with my friends and family. It’s been hard but it’ll be worth it.

“Hey, I need to head out. I’ll see you later though right?” Joe says opening the door not to mention scaring me a little. I almost forgot where I was so lost in my thoughts. I poke my head out while using the shower curtain to keep the rest of my body covered.

“Uh, what’s later?”

“Some of the guys are meeting up at that club. Ya know the new one they just opened a few weeks ago. I was telling you about it last night. “ He comes closer to me jokingly pulling on a string of wet hair. I slap his hand away before saying

“Riiight. I don’t know Joe. Don’t you think it might be weird that we’re there together? You know how the media is not to mention the fans.”

“Why would it be weird unless you make it weird (y/n/n). We’re friends. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it has to be” He shrugs

“I’m not. But we said when we started this that nobody would know about us hanging out. I think being spotted together at a club of all places will raise a few questions.”

“Listen it’s a new place and we both by coincidence wanted to check it out on the same night. I don’t think it would be all that weird. Just don’t get jealous when you see all the ladies around me yeah?” He lets a smug smile form.

I roll my eyes. Cocky asshole.

“Shut up and get out of my bathroom Burrow. I don’t have time for your games. He lets out a laugh. That sound has quickly become one of my favorite sounds.

“If I recall correctly I paid for this room so therefore it’s my bathroom sweetheart.” He pauses and then continues.

“Just don’t think too much about it alright? Go out with your friends get a couple of drinks and oh look! Quarterback, Joe Borrow is here. He's hot maybe we should go say hi”

“Do you think your head will explode if it gets any bigger?”

“Nah but I’m sure you’d like to think it would.” He leans down and kisses my cheek and starts walking out.

“I’ll see you later sleeping beauty”

“Jerk!” I yell out. You fall asleep once during a hookup and you never live it down. Unbelievable.

[hearts4golbach]

The Night Shift.

chapter 1.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

Repetitive. "What can I get for you, sir?" I asked calmly. Without looking up from his phone, the tall dark skin man replied with 'number 4.' I hummed with acknowledgment and typed in his order. "Will that be all?" With a nod, he handed me a 20 dollar bill. I muttered okay under my breath and went to make his order. What a dick.

Repetitive. The creamer looked like a swirling storm as I poured it in his cup. I made his egg and ham bagel carelessly, my muscle memory coming in handy as I listened to my favorite song through my single headphone. I gently nodded my head, as to not drag attention to myself.

Repetitive. I quickly gave him his order and leaned against the counter, staring out at the midnight sky. It was a sight I had been seeing for as long as I could remember. This small cafe was my home away from home. I spent most of my childhood here since this was a family owned business, specifically my family. I was beginning to resent my parents for keeping me trapped here. At least the night shift was calm.

Repetitive. Another customer walked in. I sighed before plastering a fake smile on my face as he walked up. He had black, combed over hair. The side part covered part of his eye, but I could see the dark eyeshadow under his eye along with red streaks.

"I love your makeup! What can I get started for you today?" I commented cheerfully.

A small smile grew on his face, his two lip piercings shifting slightly. "Thank you. Can I just get a donut, please?"

"Sure! What kind? We have chocolate, strawberry, etcetera. The flavors are displayed over there, if you want to look."

His hand moved up to his chin. "What would you recommend?"

"I'm a chocolate girl for life." I snickered. "But the apple fritter is a fan favorite. You can choose whether or not you want cinnamon on it."

"Okay, I'll get an apple fritter with cinnamon and a chocolate donut, please." He looked up, making eye contact with me as his smile stayed on his face.

"Coming right up." I commented, turning my back towards him.

"Are you working alone?" He asked cautiously.

"Uh," I hesitated, praying he wasn't going to murder me. I decided against it. "yeah. I run night shift everyday of the week. Nobody usually comes in at night. I also like the alone time." I explained.

"do you ever feel lonely?" his head slightly tilted to the side as I glanced back at him.

"more or less. I mean, I don't like dealing with cocky customers alone but, you know." I shrugged. I looked back at him and then at the clock. He had a tired look in his eyes. "What brought you here?"

"I couldn't sleep, I guess. So I went for a drive and stumbled upon this cafe so I thought I might as well stop for a snack if I cant sleep." He leaned over the glass display, his ring-clad fingers tapping quietly against the glass.

"Damn, pardon my language, anything keeping you up?" I pondered.

"my ex girlfriend is trying to ruin my life." He looked down at my hands.

I passed the donuts over the counter. "That sucks, I really hope everything works out for you." I smiled softly.

"Thank you." he said quietly. "I'm johnnie."

"I'm Y/n." I shook his hand gently. they were soft and warm, a comforting sensation.

"The chocolate one is for you. Take care." Johnnie smiled weakly before turning towards the door.

"What? i- thank you so much. good night, or, morning I guess." I replied as he looked back and gave me one last nod.

I carefully bit into the donut, feeling guilty for accepting it. Oh, well.

[imagitory]

Not to call anyone out because everyone's entitled to their opinion and I don't want anyone getting attacked for theirs...but I saw a pro-Calypso post on an Epic the Musical community I can't reply to that kind of sent me spiraling that asked why Beast from Beauty and the Beast gets so much less hate than Calypso does when they "did the same thing."

Now I don't know if we're talking Disney's animated classic Beauty and the Beast specifically or the OG fairy tale or whatever, but um...have we forgotten the fact that Belle chose to stay with the Beast? And that Odysseus, in contrast, had no choice in whether to end up on or stay on Calypso's island? On the contrary -- Ody not only actively wants off, but he is so unhappy at the thought he'll never get home that he tries to unalive himself at one point. Then of course if we're talking Disney's Beauty and the Beast in particular, we can point out that Belle stays because she gave her word, not because she was physically unable to leave, and she leaves the castle out of fear for her own safety after going into the West Wing and enraging the Beast ("promise or no promise"), only to take the Beast back because he saves her life and is badly hurt in the process. Then the two nurture a real friendship -- something Odysseus and Calypso never did, in all their time together -- before Beast willingly lets Belle go with no expectation that she'd return, let alone break the spell on him and the castle servants. In contrast, in Not Sorry For Loving You, Calypso doubles down on how she treated Odysseus and turns everything into a pity-party for herself. She acts like she's sorry about how she treated him, but frames her disregard for his boundaries and freedom as her "coming on too strong" without ever acknowledging that she legitimately ignored Ody's feelings and wishes at the expense of her own. She uses the abusive-partner playbook to the nth degree, attempting to invalidate any hate Odysseus might legitimately feel toward her for what she did by passive-aggressively acting like it's his fault that he didn't accept her "love" for what it was ("and if you hate me, then I'm sorry my love's too much for you"). She even gets upset about why he "won't love her too" even though she knows full well he's a married man still very in love with his wife Penelope, who Calypso has been purposefully separating him from for years. Oh yeah, and on that note, Odysseus is already romantically committed to someone else, so Calypso has even less reason to presume Ody should return her feelings. Even Beast, who is in love with a single person and also has a ticking clock over him to fall in love quickly to break the curse on him and all of his servants, loves Belle sincerely enough that he didn't get angry or resentful at the thought that she might not love him back. He doesn't try to guilt-trip her into loving him. Even though in the original Beauty and the Beast fairy tale, there are a lot more toxic elements -- such as the Beast claiming he'll die if Belle doesn't return to him -- that doesn't change the fact that Belle has some agency in her situation, with the Beast connecting emotionally with this single woman over time in a way that she comes to see him as a dear friend despite his hideous appearance. And of course just about all adaptations of the story heavily lean away from or outright subvert the original's more problematic elements because they're rightly seen as toxic.

Look -- I don't see any problem with anyone feeling pity for Calypso. With her lonely backstory and lack of knowledge of how to interact with others, it's easy to. I could even see people arguing she cared for Odysseus in her own weird way. But that doesn't change how much she disrespected Odysseus's agency and used her goddess-y powers to keep him just as trapped on her island as she was, at the expense of his and his family's happiness. I personally view Calypso as a very well-developed anti-villain for this reason -- she can claim she loved Odysseus...but if she did, she didn't know what love really is, because love at its core is about selflessness, and Calypso at her core is incredibly selfish.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

quotes from alex turner's favourite authors that make me want to put my face through a wall:

"although i have never been an actor in the strict sense of the word, i have nevertheless, in real life, always carried about with me a small folding theatre" - vladimir nabokov, despair

"there is a terrible emptiness in me, an indifference that hurts," - albert camus

"there is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself" - raymond chandler

"at eight, he had once told his mother that he wanted to paint air" - vladimir nabokov

"no man ever understands quite his own artful dodges to escape from the grim shadow of self-knowledge" - joseph conrad

"everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it" - david foster wallace

"we're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. how else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody we've never even met?" - david foster wallace

"i turn over a new leaf every day, but the blots show through" - keith waterhouse

"the truth will set you free. but not until it's finished with you" - david foster wallace

"curiosity is insubordination in its purest form" - vladimir nabokov

"i'm me and nobody else; and whatever people think i am or say i am, that's what i'm not, because they don't know a bloody thing about me" - alan sillitoe

"we live as we dream; alone” - joseph conrad

"i liked, as i like still, to make words look self-conscious and foolish, to bind them by mock marriage of a pun, to turn them inside out, to come upon them unwares" - vladimir nabokov, despair

"whatever you get paid attention to for is never what you think is most important about yourself" - david foster wallace

"i continued to stir my tea long after it had done all it could with the milk” - vladimir nabokov, despair

"i remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind" - edgar allan poe

"all the information i have about myself is from forged documents" - vladimir nabokov, despair

"how odd i can have all this inside me and to you its just words" - david foster wallace

"you will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. you will never live if you're looking for the meaning of life" - albert camus