#but i doubt it given the attention to detail throughout the series

[fomar]

i looked at the archived ffccrof site and apparently it states that the village is in the veo lu highlands, which kiiind of confirms the headcanon i had that rela cyel eventually developed into shella - "lake cyela" and "lake shella" also sound similar, indicating a gradual shift in language (!!!!!)

[freefromthecocoon]

"L'ame Perdue" Thoughts

I really liked this first episode. I am gonna put my thoughts below the line...you know the drill, lol.

Norman gives a very nuanced performance and some reviewers obviously lack the ability to see those nuances. There are subtle differences, but nothing that changes him from the Daryl we love.

He comes across a pair, a young woman and a man who wind up stealing from him and then some military types show up and Daryl's spear is used to kill one of them. Then the man knocks Daryl out and steals things from him. This is how he winds up getting back to the abbey/convent.

He is clearly dreaming of those he loves back home, Carol and Judith and I feel this will be a common thread throughout the series. It is a definite flashback to their final scene.

Thus far, everything going on between Daryl and Isabelle is clearly him making deals to get back home. Daryl is very cautious in what he tells them and from my standpoint, the hype over the bath scene was very much overblown. I know I won't change many minds on this....but it did not feel shippy at all. And again it was a brief scene. Daryl is being cautious with what he tells them.

I REALLY liked the scene between Laurent and Daryl. I know that some were upset that Daryl seemingly denied having a wife or kids, but it's obvious in the context of the scene that Laurent knows Daryl is telling a half-truth here. Laurent clearly "sees" through the front that Daryl is putting up which is made very obvious by something Laurent says to him... see @mcbride's latest gifset for context on this! (This scene in particular is where Norman's ability to play nuance is so very well displayed. He knows this character and he knows what Daryl's heart's desire is and that is Carol my friends)

We are being led to believe that Laurent can see things that are not clear to others. In another scene, Isabelle believes that he will save humanity. She calls him a messiah, (which I did not like this choice of words) but Daryl clearly does not like this either. He quickly becomes an advocate for Laurent. I know some don't like Laurent and let's face it...he has lived a sheltered life in the abbey and he is definitely a TWDU kid, but I can't help but love the little dude who is VERY impressed with Daryl from the moment they meet. Louis and Norman have a really good chemistry in their scenes.

Daryl most definitely is doing everything he can to get back home and even leaves the convent/abbey alone, but he notices Codron and the gang showing up at the convent looking for Daryl. (They found the pair Daryl met walking on the road and killed the man and made the woman go with them to show them were they found Daryl. Codron sees the walker with Daryl's spear and then he is instantly in revenge mode after he puts down his walker brother). Anyway...Daryl goes back to help the nuns with the military dudes and most of the nuns have been killed. He helps them bury their dead and makes a deal to help deliver Laurent to Paris if they will help him to get the port so he can return home. (Please keep in mind, I am leaving out the smaller details of the episode, I am just trying to show that Daryl is 100% trying to get back to Carol)

We do get a basic outline of how Daryl wound up in France and there is a scene at the end involving the cargo ship that was seen in the trailer. Any TWD: World Beyond fans will want to pay attention to this as the dialogue lends itself to that series. I doubt much else will crossover but I did like the idea that it could.

They also aired a preview for the season that showed Daryl speaking by a radio/phone device to someone about returning back. He mentions being in Maine. I wonder who he could been talking to....GRINS MANIACALLY!

I hope that I have given you all better insight into what to expect and I am genuinely excited to go on this journey with Daryl and experience the jubilation that will be felt when he and Carol are reunited!

Caryl on my peeps!

[wednesdaypasta]

Asuka Langley Sohryu analysis

VERY LONG POST!!!!!!! 

This essay is purely for my own autistic ass, make of it what you will lol.

Asuka is often viewed as a conceited, narcissistic and deeply flawed character in NGE. I don’t believe Soryu is truly as horrendous as others perceive her to be, perhaps that is due to my own projections or simply me giving her the benefit of the doubt, so I’ve decided to take it upon myself to truly understand every aspect of her traumas, her actions throughout the series and finally her death. I want to know what caused her to become such a self loathing yet egotistical child. every tiny detail of her personality can be traced back to specific events, she's been created with such detail and precision, it's hard not to want to delve deeper into her story.

Prior to the traumatic events of NGE Asuka had a horrific home life. She was neglected by her mother who was busy with work, leaving Asuka feeling irrelevant. This sparked an overwhelming need for attention, which followed her from early childhood right until her last breath.

 Kyoko Sohryu (Asuka’s mother)  was a key scientist in the German division of Gehirn. (What would later become NERV’s third branch.) She was the subject of the contact experiment with Unit-02, where during this experiment part of Koyokos soul would bond with the eva, causing severe mental damage. This led to her becoming incredibly unstable and psychotic, believing one of Asuka’s dolls was her daughter rather than Asuka. As a result of her mothers insanity, Asuka felt even more neglected and abandoned. She was replaced by a doll, not even a human, but an inanimate object. 

At Kyoko’s most deranged she pleaded Asuka to die with her in a double suicide, to which Asuka, in an act of desperation to be loved, agreed. Her mother instead hung herself alongside the doll. Asuka was so replaceable to her own mother that she wasn't even worth being killed. In later life Asuka grows to feel utter contempt and disgust towards her own weakness; she was completely vulnerable and desperate to be loved, so much so that she would have died. She’s extremely black or white. If he can’t be loved, she should die.

The Asuka we are first introduced to doesn't seem to carry much of this weight at all. She’s bright, bubbly, feisty and fun. Her presence brings a much needed lift to the show with dance routines, montages and general playfulness from both her and Shinji. How can such a broken character appear so confident? Asuka uses her ego as a safety net, she wants to appear as confident (if not bordering on narcissistic) as possible to hide the fact that she is very much still an insecure child.  If she doesn't appear vulnerable, no one can hurt her. Her confidence will project onto those around her and she will be the most loved girl in Japan, right? She is the best Eva pilot by far, they need her. These thoughts are enough to keep her not only alive, but living.

Obviously this doesn't keep up, as we see Shinji strike Asuka’s nerves more and more with every episode that passes. Shinji is the counterpart to Asuka, everything that he lacks, she will overcompensate with. His nonchalant, pessimistic, self pitying attitude is everything she hates. But shinji isn't all too dissimilar from Asuka at all, his ego is absolutely huge; if he isn’t happy, why should anyone else be, he's not loved so everyone should die. Everything that Asuka pushes onto herself, Shinji pushes onto others. This causes a very expected clash between the two. Part of me believes that Asuka potentially sees in Shinji what she could have become if she had not been chosen to pilot unit-02. Someone merely existing, an insecure child whining at any given chance about doing this, that and the next thing. Someone ‘useless’. Asuka demands to be used at any given chance for recognition and validation, even at the prospective cost of her life/sanity.

While Shinji is the embodiment of the internal threat of her deep rooted shame, insecurities and fears, Rei represents the external threat that she can and will be replaced. Rei is the golden child, she does as she’s told, she fights well. This can be proven in episode 22 after Asuka has yet again been defeated by an angel, her sync rates drop. This comes as a massive blow to her fragile ego. To make it worse, Ritsko notices Asukas mental disturbance and orders Rei to shoot the Angel, leaving Asuka literally in her shadow. This is when the mindrape (i hate that term but i can't think of anything better to describe it as) occurs, leaving Ritsuko no choice but to start looking for a replacement pilot. Rei ends up saving her by using the spear of longinus. This absolutely destroys Asuka, how could she be shadowed, let alone saved by someone as spineless as Rei? She's being replaced yet again, bringing her back to square one in regards to her Mothers horrific passing. At this point both Shinji and Rei are performing better than her, proving her to be useless. The very thing she berated Shinji for from the beginning.

Kaji and Misato also play some of the most important roles in Asukas life, being her only acting guardians. Kaji is the only person we see Asuka actively regress back into a childlike state with. Her pleas to be recognised and loved by him are overwhelmingly upsetting. Screaming that she is an adult, that she wants to have intercourse by him and be viewed as somewhat of an object is a desperate cry for help. She wants to prove that she’s no longer an insecure child, but her ways of doing so only prove that more. While Kaji never made advances on her, he equally enabled it to an extent. I believe that sex is what Asuka perceives as the most adult thing she can comprehend, so she yearns for it with an adult figure to not only prove to him but herself that she is no longer the sobbing infant at her mother’s dangling feet. Kaji seems somewhat aware of her past, which may be why he never put his foot down with her. He knows that the harsh rejection of her advances would cause the spiral that eventually came due to her sync scores dropping. Pleading for intimacy may also be (in her mind) one of the least shameful ways for Asuka to beg for validation. We never saw Asuka in this state with any of her classmates, leading me to believe that she uses Kaji as he is somewhat of a parental figure to her, as fucked up as that is. She needs him to validate and praise her as she never got that from either of her parents, but would never hurt her pride by saying that blatantly therefore relying on sex to get her point across. When it’s revealed that Misato had previous relations with Kaji, this obviously hurts Asuka’s ego to an extent. She views Misato as a fully fledged woman who, like Rei, is capable of what she is not. Asuka’s battle with the constant sexualisation of herself is one of the most misunderstood parts of her character. A lot of people seem to believe it was used as fucked up fanservice, but i wholeheartedly think it’s a very jarringly real way to portray how neglect and abuse can affect a young girl, regardless of how uncomfortable it is to watch firsthand. It rounds out her backstory fully and adds a whole other level of depth to her character for individuals to identify with.

At the end of Evangelion we have a broken, soulless and decayed Asuka. She is no longer the abrasive, confident and overbearing character some of us (guiltily) adored. Only a miracle could bring back the determined character we know and love. Thrown into unit-02 for safety, Soryu is left comatosed only for her mothers voice to wake her. Kyoko can be heard saying the words ‘You’re alive!’ several times. This implies that the maternal part of Kyoko's soul was the one trapped inside unit-02, and is now cheering Asuka to fight, to live! However, another voice joins in, begging Asuka to ‘Please die with me!’. Both these voices mix together, thus suggesting that the insane Kyoko and Maternal Kyoko have merged together inside the Eva. Regardless of her mother chanting to die with her, the voice telling her to live on shines through and provides the motivation to have one of (what I consider) one of the best battles in cinematic history. Asuka comes to the realization that she was never truly alone. Her mother was always watching over her, watching her pilot the eva. Everything she had ever longed for was truly validated in that moment. She fought with a might that we had never seen before, she truly gave it her all. It feels so incredibly bittersweet to see her truly at her happiest, screaming out ‘mama!’ as she brutally tears mass unit eva’s to shreds, smashing their heads in, ripping off limbs etc. The whole scene is so authentically Asuka Langley Sohryu. The sheer shock, the horrifying events unfolding while she has a wide grin on her face. She was actively risking her life knowing she has the validation she has craved since he was a toddler. Everything I have spoken about in this essay truly comes together in this heart wrenching scene; her screaming about useless shinji, her crying out for her ‘mama’, her overbearing confidence in herself. Even in her last moments she was determined, not to prove to anyone else but herself that she was useful. She says through gritted teeth and a struggling breath ‘I’ll kill you’ thus proving how she was genuinely set on being seen till her very last moments on earth.

I firmly believe that Asuka is one of the most well thought out and genuinely complete characters I’ve ever seen in fiction. While she is not the most ‘likeble’ she provides a very important role in making Neon Genesis Evangelion the show we know and love. Anno has done a fantastic job of creating a character that is so easy to hate yet so easy to relate to. As previously mentioned, some of this may be projection but I truly do feel she is a character anyone could pick apart and find some sort of self in.

[mybookhaven]

A Day of Fallen Night - Samantha Shannon

High Fantasy - Queer Rep - WOMEN

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5)

I had extremely high expectations for this book, so much that i thought i am going to ruin the experience purely because of all the pent up excitement. Boyyyy was i taken by surprise. This is going to me my favorite read of 2023, yes i know it's still early to decide, no this will not be changed regardless of what i end up reading.

Designed by David Mann and illustrated by Ivan Belikov

Frankly i do not even know where to start. Everything about this book was magnificent, from the complicated world building, the fascinating character arches, to the intricate dissection of the plot that kept me entranced throughout. I got to fall back into the world of "The Roots of Chaos" so easily that i ache for having to leave it behind again.

The story was narrated by 4 characters: Tunuva Melim of the south, Noziken pa Dumai of the east, Glorian Berethnet of the West, and Wulfert Glenn alternating between west and north. To say that it was easy to relate to and fall in love with each of the characters would be an understatement. Each had their own tone, Tunuva being in her 50s with half her life already spent fine tuning her image of herself, Dumai in her late 20s her life about to be turned upside down, and Wulf and Glorian being close to their mid/late teens battling the world to carve a place to fit themselves into (we do not know the actual age of Wulf for reasons i will keep unknown here because OH BOYYYYY was that one of my favorite plot lines in the book).

The sorrow of ages arrives, and no one is prepared to deal with the wrath of earth unleashed. As i've read "The Priory of the Orange Tree" before, i knew the general direction of the events to take place, and i want to stress the genius of Ms. Shannon in giving us a story that kept me on the edge of my seat regardless of that fact.

The strength and warmth of Tunuva, the love between her and Esbar, an old love nurtured for years and set in admiration, comfort, and lasting desire. The fear, resolve, and retaliation of Queen Glorian who sees the Berethnet legacy for what it actually is. The perseverance of Wulf, a man lost to the world and to himself. The trusting nature of Dumai, a woman raised for the peace of temples swept into the war of politics. I could go on and on about almost every character mentioned in this book, major or minor. The amount of attention given to the creation of this world is beyond my greatest imagination and i cannot thank Samantha Shannon enough for sharing it with us.

I don't want to talk about specific details of this books because i'm trying to stay spoiler free, but it needs to be said that there are moments in this book where i've lost my breath with the unfolding of events leaving me full and empty within a couple of sentences.

I cannot recommend this book, or this series enough. Samantha Shannon is officially my favorite writer and i doubt anything will change that in the foreseeable future.

[theangrypokemaniac]

Thank you for your kind words, @iloitse, and your thoughts, with which I agree.

I also see Brock with Suzie. When I used to plan out my own region, it finished with them together.

To me she's the one girl receptive to his attention, perhaps not in a loving sense, at least not yet, but no other lady ever treated him so well.

Vulpix will always connect them, meaning Brock has a lasting relationship with Suzie, and a reason to find her again.

If Suzie handed Vulpix over within hours of meeting Brock, in that short period she'd recognized him as a kind, caring young man worthy of her trust, someone to keep Vulpix safe, and he did, repaying her faith in him.

That's the sort of lad any girl wants to marry, and, as Vulpix is one of my favourite Pokémon, both can own it if they're together, which is my main motivation.

Vulpix for everyone!

I understand Tracey's true dream being to meet Professor Oak, but that's almost more useless than aiming to be an artist.

Drawing is dull viewing, but it keeps him occupied, and may lead to a career, but what did he want from Oak?

Yes, you've seen him. Very nice. And what are you intending to do now?

If I think of it too much, it gives me the idea Tracey naturally assumed Oak would be so impressed he'd take him on immediately, and so he needn't plan further into future than that, which brings me back to his arrogance.

As for getting there, the only direct progress he makes is in three epidodes:

• The Lost Lapras, his introduction, by encountering Ash and Misty.

• A Tents Situation, his penultimate appearance, when he meets Oak.

• The Rivalry Revival, his exit, when he becomes an assistant.

Between the first and final two, there's a hole of nothingness.

I suppose each step he takes puts him closer, but plot-wise, it's an abstact quest of no use at this exact moment.

This wish of his won't motivate him into any action in individual episodes, nor does it affect how he behaves throughout.

He should've had a task in the meantime that combined both interests, if say Oak directly asked him to make detailed illustrations of all the tropical Pokémon varieties.

As in, he must purposely go out and find them, not just the few he sees passing through.

There'd then be scenes when Tracey led the team, racing off into the woods as he's heard rumours of oddly-coloured Pokémon on the island, having to traverse caves and cliffs to find it, and maybe the Pokémon wants a favour before it complies, leading to another search.

It might encourage him to colour the sketches in for a change.

As a trope, 'The Quiet One' works, but not so much in a trio. There's too few members for it to be a recognizable role.

It looks more like you're not doing enough.

I'm not certain it's what Tracey's supposed to be either, because he speaks often, but just doesn't say anything memorable.

Usually 'The Quiet One' is portrayed as sensitive, emotionally intelligent and highly perceptive, spotting the tiny details the loud mouths miss.

They'll sit on their own, or stare silently out to sea, in picturesque scenes absorbing their surroundings.

Whilst watching Pokémon encompasses this, I doubt he was deliberately designed to fill the spiritual or philosophical model, but that's the best interpretation of a flat, undeveloped personality.

He certainly doesn't behave as The Quiet One when he has the major part in the story, so given the show credit for making a calm, laidback yet deep character, isn't something I can do.

It's so ridiculous. These writers put effort into creating Tracey, and cared enough to include him in the series, and then never took it further.

As soon as he was in, they gave up!

If however I accepted him as intentionally reserved, perhaps to counter the wilder edges of Ash and Misty, we still come back to Brock.

Tracey as The Quiet One would only ever be well-received had he been there from the outset, his relaxed, or withdrawn attitude given greater focus and serving as integrel to its beginnings.

By coming in late, no one will ever judge him on his own terms, or for himself.

He'll be held up beside Brock, and found to be not as interesting, and the longer the comparison persists, the less consideration he'll get, until fans lock him out of their minds and feel nothing but resentment.

With regards to Pokéshipping, Tracey was seen as an obstacle to any theoretical romantic moments simply by being there.

When Pokémon started, shipping as a concept, plus the surrounding fandom 'culture' didn't yet exist, as least not fully, and the only fellow fans available for discussion were those you knew in real life, which limited the sharing of ideas.

Therefore, children watching the very first episode weren't conditioned to see everything in terms of pairings, obsessively analysing each scene for clues etc.

By the time Pokéshipping began, Brock was already there, so part of it, in a sense, and the ship fitted around him.

Whilst Tracey is also the 'third wheel', and technically, any allowances shippers made for Brock could also work for him, it will always come back to the ill-feeling Tracey provoked.

What people overlook or ignore in their friends they will hate in their enemies.

It's not particularly rational, but then human nature isn't rational.

Some fans take against Ash and Misty. Some dislike Team Rocket. But no one hates Brock. He holds both sides of the divide together.

Therefore, Pokéshippers will accept him, as he was there almost from day one, but not Tracey, as he's not built into the foundations, neither of the anime nor the ship.

The writers didn't help matters by hinting at what might have been, fully knowing they'd never deliver.

At the close of Pokéball Peril, as soon as Brock's gone, Team Rocket tease Ash and Misty as 'lovebirds', as if that's the obvious conclusion to them being alone.

A lot of shippers at home, still smarting at losing Brock, might've got over it had this continued, in that, whilst missed, Brock's absence is tolerable if it leads to more focus on Ash and Misty as characters, and greater detail on their emotions and thoughts, especially for each other.

Then Brock leaving means something, and can be justified as crucial to the coming story arc, but adding a replacement erases all that potential.

Removing Brock is pointless if we 'need' three Twerps, thus the writers squandered the opportunity to go in a new direction, which is, frustratingly, straight after they implied the opposite.

I forgot to say before that Tracey is also hindered by his and the Orange League's perceived lack of legitimacy.

Ash, Misty, Brock, Gary, Delia, Oak, Joy and Jenny all come from the games.

Jessie and James, whilst not specifically featured, represent the villains of Red and Blue, which is a necessary invention as there were no named Team Rocket members besides Giovanni.

Pokémon Yellow had also come out by then, retroactively adding them to the game world, so that's alright.

Tracey however was the first main character to exist inside the anime alone, so not someone we were eager to see onscreen.

Back then, the branches of Pokémon: games, cartoon, cards, manga and merchandise, were much more connected and cross-referenced than they are now, and for the anime to adapt the game was considered very important.

When Tracey, with no roots in Red and Blue, comes in, and takes the place of Brock, who does, there was a feeling he hadn't 'earnt' his right to be there.

Who do you think you are, coming over here and acting like you belong?

The Orange Islands aren't a bad series compared to what follows, but when judged only by Kanto, it marked a step away from the original purpose of animating the game, and that wasn't a popular move.

We 'knew' the Indigo League as players. We'd walked through the towns, battled there, and been the hero, but this place, this brand-new, never-before-mentioned archipelago, with little relevance to the mainland, held no such significance.

It's a bonus round before Johto, as if not worthy in itself, merely a stop-gap edition, just to have something, anything even, to keep the kids occupied until the real stuff arrives.

It didn't seem to matter as much because of all of the above, and the sleepy, drifting tone of wandering the seas, sailing wherever the currents go, amplified that.

If it doesn't care, why should we?

Brock experienced blizzards, deserts, shipwrecks and eruptions like a proper adventurer.

He'd been through it all with Ash and Misty as a true companion.

Tracey meanwhile, had really nothing but blue seas, clean beaches and fruit groves to worry about.

Overall, and visually, it's just one long summer holiday for him, with no hardship to test his mettle.

How could we even tell if he was worth our investment, when we never saw him deal with serious situations?

It's another circle: no one likes Tracey, because they associate him with the 'false' Orange League, and no one likes the Orange League, as that's the one with Tracey.

Hating him is a very time-specific reaction.

You need to have been a child then, watching Pokémon in order, with no knowledge of what's to come, to feel it.

I wouldn't expect any fan outside that to join in if it's not part of their experience.

My younger self would never forgive me for mellowing with age, but then, when innocent enough to think Tracey was the worst thing that could ever happen to Pokémon, I didn't realise how lucky I was.

Because he most certainly isn't.

[volfoss]

my big clamp ranking list (part 1)

S- Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, X/1999, xxxholic, Tokyo babylon, Cardcaptor Sakura clear card, Chobits, xxxholic Rei

A- Tsubasa World Chronicle, Cardcaptor Sakura, Clamp School Defenders, Shirahime-Syo, Magic Knight Rayearth 1 and 2, Drug and Drop, Derayd

B- Legal Drug, Gate 7, Clamp School Detectives, The One I Love

C- RG Veda, Man of Many Faces, Legend of Chun Hyang, Wish, Angelic Layer, Kobato

D- Clover, Miyuki-chan in Wonderland, Suki

As for best in each category:

Art was easily the best in X/1999, it was so visually stunning!

Best and most frustrating sequel definitely goes to xxxholic Rei.

Best plot is a tie between TRC and xxxholic!

Best ending without a doubt goes to Tokyo Babylon!

The one I'd recommend is xxxholic and TRC although all the ones on the S tier are very good!

And now for my extended (so extended that I discovered Tumblr's length of a post limit) thoughts under the cut:

Series this part goes over:

Clover

Legal Drug

Tokyo Babylon

X/1999

Gate 7

xxxholic

xxxholic rei

Cardcaptor Sakura

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle

Tsubasa World Chronicle

Man of Many Faces

RG Veda

Clamp School Detectives

Clamp School Defenders

Shirahime-Syo:Snow Goddess Tales:

Legend of Chun Hyang

Magic Knight Rayearth 1 and 2

Wish

Miyuki-chan in Wonderland

Suki

Angelic Layer

Chobits

Kobato

Drug and Drop

I tried to keep this as spoiler free as possible since my main goal is getting new people into these series or finding ones they might not have read before

Clover:

TLDR: There's powerful people known as Clovers, and the government is trying to hunt them down, and the group of protagonists is trying to protect one.

Plot: The plot is somewhat confusing with the time skipping around a lot but it's intriguing at the same time, maybe a 4/10. There just simply wasn't enough time really to flesh things out as well as they probably could have been if it was finished and it's (for me) one of the most underwhelming of their unfinished works.

Characters: The characters are given a bit of development but not a lot with it being only 4 very thin volumes long, but they're entertaining enough to keep my attention 5/10

Art: The art for this is probably my favorite part, there's a lot of the drastic shading that Clamp does a lot in their later works, and the faces and clothing are lovely. The level of detail given to the mechanical bits and things along those lines is immaculate. The formatting is so different than their other mangas that it really stands out visually as well! 8/10

Ending: it was ended early due to the magazine that it ran in being shut down, but with that in mind, the ending is honestly a mild cliffhanger, nowhere near as bad as stuff like Bus Gamer (which is the work with the worst ending that I’ve ever read). 3/10

Other things: I really enjoyed how the song was woven throughout the story but I think overall, I would pretty much only use this to look at the art, the plot isn't anything special with the fact that it was so short and didn't really have time to develop better. I read the tokyopop translation so it might be different in the new omnibus/fan translations.

Overall: Personally would not recommend this to anyone unless you want pretty art and a mildly confusing futuristic story without a lot of the necessary world building that it could have used, probably a 4/10

Legal Drug:

TLDR: Two guys working at a drug store are sent out by their boss and his partner to solve cases in exchange for extra money on the side.

Plot: The plot didn't do anything really new for me, it felt like how xxxholic does the whole 2 dudes forced to go on jobs by the employer but it's a drug store although the drug store element rarely comes in. There's something oddly charming about it, in its own way. The plot is very like early xxxholic with going through cases slowly but there isn’t a lot of the underlying plot threads that make rereading xxxholic so good each time. Probably a 6/10, I'd return back to this to reread sometime and something about the plot captured my interest in a "I want to fix this" way.

Characters: Characters are probably where I have the biggest gripe with this. The main couple is the most stereotypical bottom and top, with one of them being very, “oh I'm helpless and shy and get really flustered easily”, and the other being very teasing and kinda stoic? It feels like a mashup of the other couples CLAMP has made. However, the background couple consisting of the store owner and his partner is a lot less cliched and had a really cute dynamic. With it being so short, (3 volumes and only 16 chapters) there wasn't a lot of room for character development or seeing them change a lot or grow closer/further apart. 5/10

Art: The art for this is really hit or miss, it had Ouran Highschool Host Club art style solely for one character and the rest look completely different. They kept a lot of the drastic shading with backgrounds which I enjoy but it's not as here's all these big panels and pages with just one or two words as Clover was. The clothing and expressions were nice as they always are but overall it was ok? The color insert panels in this between each volume are very pretty though and I do enjoy how the clothes are generally boring but with the Clamp touch, they don’t appear as boring as they would be in real life. 6/10

Ending: The ending didn't feel very conclusive but it wasn't bad. The arc wrapped up and there were a couple of omakes that showed a bit of their backstory, overall the ending wasn't as cohesive as some of their series but it didn't turn out to be as disappointing as I was expecting with how short it was. 6/10

Other things: Before reading I had the feeling it would be typical top/bottom dynamics and it hasn't exactly proven me wrong. I think despite the sheer amount of cliches, it's still a fun read. The character interactions and art style remind me a fair bit of OHSHC, which isn't necessarily a bad thing (slightly in a Haruhi and Tamaki interacting sort of way? I’m not sure how else to compare it but it felt very much like them).

Overall: There's something kinda charming about this, in a way that it doesn't really go anywhere or say too much but it makes me interested to see what they would do with Drug and Drop (which is a prequel series to this). If you want something to fill the void that xxxholic leaves after you finish it and you're ok with some of the very stereotypical things, this could be a good fit. Just like with Clover, I feel there was some potential to it, had it gone on longer than it did. I think this is something I would reread but I think it's solely because I do really enjoy the dynamic between the main characters (as stereotypical as it is, they’re fun to read about) and it's similar enough to xxxholic that it brought nostalgia. However, it's not something I would readily recommend, but the lack of characters being gross (for the most part) brings it a bit higher than Clover was. Also worth noting I read a fan translation for this. I'd say this is a 6/10.

Tokyo Babylon:

TLDR: The protagonist (Subaru) is the head of a clan and he, his twin sister, and the veterinarian all work together to solve supernatural crimes while the tension between Subaru and Seishirou (the vet) builds.

Plot: The plot is fascinating but the main relationship makes it hard to enjoy (see later in the notes for explanation). I really like a lot of the mystery elements and how there's a sneaking suspicion that one of the characters is up to no good for the entire plot. I personally like it a lot more than the aspects of xxxholic, if I'm comparing the beginning customers in xxxholic to the beginning cases in this. Comparing this to Legal Drug, they handle the cases along with that building suspense much better in Tokyo Babylon. I'd say it's a solid 8/10

Characters: There's not a ton of development but I think the characters are a fascinating part of it, even the minor characters have a lot of personality to them. For the most part, the characters are enjoyable to read about. The dynamic between Subaru and his twin is probably my favorite part of it, their interactions feel very natural. And of course, you can’t really discuss Tokyo Babylon without bringing up the relationship between Subaru and Seishirou which starts as fairly naive in general and then slowly descending into suspense until you hit the end. 7/10

Art: The artstyle for this is really nice, you can tell it's one of their older works and the level of detail and character design is up there with some of my favorite manga. There’s a lot of panels in this that are so haunting and stuck with me weeks after reading it, and I can’t gush about the character outfits enough! I really enjoy how Clamp does fashion that’s relatively timeless and I could definitely see people currently dressing similar to how the characters in this dress. The visuals in this in general are so haunting and so memorable. 8/10

Ending: HOLY SHIT the ending for this is wild and really something I didn't see coming too far and it really tied everything that was being subtly dropped throughout the story together. The way things were building up and the hints were being subtly dropped is so well done. 10/10

Other things: The relationship between Subaru and Seishirou is something that makes me incredibly uncomfortable (as Subaru is 15 or 16 and Seishirou is 27) with how it's portrayed as romantic and a good thing although I know that won't be a problem for everyone. I also want to clarify that it's a main point in the story and not something just thrown in every once in a while.

Overall: If you can ignore the very questionable romance aspect, it's a very fascinating read and one that I would read again solely for the ending. I also used a fan translation for this, in case there's a drastically different interpretation of things in the official translation. I'd say it's a probably 8/10

X/1999:

TLDR: High school boy tasked with deciding Earth's fate, which is supposed to end in 1999, but he's being pulled by both an evil and good side as the date draws closer to the world ending.

Plot: The plot was something when I tried to initially read it, I was very bored and confused. But with this time around, it grabbed me right from the beginning, but if it doesn't do that for you, give it until book 2. The plot is very very good, balancing a lot of intrigue and mystery with some comedy in the beginning, and just being really good with world building. All of the flashbacks into characters' pasts really fleshed them out a lot and were such a good touch! I thought that it wouldn't be able to top Tokyo Babylon in terms of plot twists and turns but it far exceeded that, there's so many plot twists that have been so carefully laid out throughout the story leading up to the reveal. 10/10

Characters: There is a TON of characters in this, and just like RG Veda, I'd highly recommend keeping a list of characters for this series. They're all very distinct but just keeping the names on paper or nearby can make the reading experience a lot better. The characters are able to balance the story between comedy and such an intense drama and plot, it's very impressive! They’re all really loveable and the character growth in the story is so fascinating. The returning characters from Tokyo Babylon changing subtly with the passage of time is something I really enjoyed! 10/10 I got way too attached to every single character in this.

Art: I'm gonna be honest and maybe a bit biased but this is some of my favorite art that's come out of Clamp (biased because I adore their 90s style). The backgrounds are visually stunning and there's so many two page spreads, and the characters look gorgeous. Everyone is very visually distinctive and the work put in on this manga really shows. There's not been a single visually boring or ugly panel in this. I'm also gonna add that this is my favorite series visually from Clamp. The fight scenes are also really clear and very obvious on what's going on (for me at least. I normally have problems figuring out what is going on in fight scenes so this being really clear with what's happening in each panel is really nice). 10/10

Ending: This was on hiatus and has been for a while but the ending was a big thing where everything was being built up and then it ended abruptly. If they ever return to it, I'll be thrilled but it's been so long that I'm unsure if they will. The ending and parts leading up to the ending were emotionally devastating but so good. If it was finished (and finished well), this would be the first clamp work on this list with 10s across the board but as is, the ending or lack of is a 3/10.

Other things: This makes 10x more sense if you read Tokyo Babylon beforehand, as when I tried to read this before I was pretty confused, but post reading Tokyo Babylon, I understand it a fair bit more. The story takes place after the events of Tokyo Babylon, and the references to Tokyo Babylon begin around volume 8. I had seen some reviews mentioning it getting confusing so if you have an interest in this, I’d heavily recommend reading Tokyo Babylon beforehand so it doesn’t get confusing with the new characters that are introduced from that. Not super relevant but the series also goes under X, but I personally refer to it as X/1999 because its a bit easier to search for.

Overall: 9/10 I cannot recommend this enough, this is in my top 3 Clamp mangas, but the ending is probably the only thing I'd want to put the overall rating lower than a 10, but everything else made it such an enjoyable experience that it is a 9/10.

Gate 7:

TLDR: A high schooler gets transported to a different world full of mysterious characters and moves in with them.

Plot: The plot makes a lot of references to Japanese historical figures which is really neat! The plot was really interesting but I felt there could have been more done with it, but Gate 7 has been on hiatus for a while. 5/10

Characters: The characters are really charming and fun to read about, there's a lot of intrigue built up about them with just small bits of information we're given. There's a few times where there are many characters introduced at one time which makes it hard to juggle all the names and lore, at least for me. It's very short so there's not a lot of development going on. The main character, Hana, is definitely one of the best things about this story, they’re just fun to read about and try to figure out if anything deeper is going on with them. 6/10

Art: I can tell it's similar to the xxxholic/TRC artstyle but a bit more polished and I really love how it looks! It combined a lot of the art features from xxxholic Rei and CCS Clear Card to make a really pretty artstyle! The characters are all visually distinct and interesting and the backgrounds are really nice! 8/10

Ending: This is on hiatus and has been for a while so rating the last chapter I can find (chapter 22.5). The ending wasn't the worst that I've read ever but it was a bit strange. 4/10

Other things: I think that this could have been a great manga if it was ever continued but as it is, it's just kind of average.

Overall: I think with more time or if it was finished, this could have been so much better. As it is right now, it's a 5/10

Xxxholic:

TLDR: The protagonist is haunted by spirits and due to mysterious circumstances ends up working at a mysterious woman's wish granting shop in order to get them off his back.

Plot: The plot genuinely gets better each time you read it with the foreshadowing and subtle hints but even on a first time through, it's plenty to capture your attention! It starts out on a slightly connected case by case basis until it slowly turns into a plot that makes you question everything and feel despair. The things in the last 4 books make me cry every single time I read it but it's so phenomenal and so well done that I wouldn't trade it for the world. The cases are all so fascinating and fun to read that you don't really notice where it's going until it happens and then you're just wallowing in the despair that is the latter half or so of xxxholic. But the plot outside of that really balances the cheerful and the spooky as well as just people living their lives in such a wonderful way that it's very easy to get through it all in record time! The pacing very much keeps on track with not a lot of filler in the manga much more so than the anime, there’s never really a dull moment. 10/10 probably my favorite plot to come out of Clamp!

Characters: THE CHARACTERS!!!! This manga has such entertaining characters who go through so much and grow so much and get along in such a fun way. The characters in this are so human in such a way that I think Clamp excels in and I love that so much! There's just so much to love with every single character and it's so hard to not feel so immersed and attached with them even with Watanuki (the protagonist) acting a bit outlandish at times! The characters in this are probably my favorite that's come out of Clamp (alongside TRC) because they feel so real and so well written. I'd read about the characters' journeys forever as long as Clamp kept writing them! I could gush about these characters for hours but I’m trying to keep it relatively spoiler free and also not as long as I definitely have talked about these characters in the past. 10/10

Art: The art for this is so stark in a way, with the backgrounds more often a plain black or plain white but it really does lend to the mystery and melancholy that is there especially towards the beginning (as towards the end you do find out why the just heavy feeling has been there since the beginning), and the characters suit it perfectly. Despite it being so dark at times, the comedic expressions from the characters (especially Watanuki) are illustrated so perfectly. The characters are easy to distinguish visually (except two relatives that don't come into play until later in the story) and visually, Yuuko's outfits are some of the most beautiful that Clamp has ever drawn. It's the perfect balance for me of detailed panels and less detailed ones in terms of facial expressions. Especially towards the end, the art is so stunning! 10/10

Ending: I have a fair bit of mixed feelings on the ending, as I wish it had a more conclusive ending but I think the ending also emotionally ruined me for a very long time so I'd argue it's an even trade. The way that they structure it to leave it slightly up to interpretation isn't my favorite but the events leading up to the ending are so beautifully woven together and so fantastic! 9/10

Other things: I admit this review is heavily biased more so than the others since xxxholic was the only one I'd read fully before going into this, and it's my favorite manga and anime of all time, so please realize there is bias but there is also a very good reason it's my favorite! I’m also biased because this is the only one I've seen the anime all the way through on, but the anime is a lot different than the manga but not as egregiously adapted as some of their other works! As an important note, this crosses over with Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, so you’ll see certain characters from that there and reading it does help make more sense of what’s going on towards the end. The anime adaptation completely cuts out the way that xxxholic and TRC are so heavily intertwined, so that might be a surprise when reading the manga if you’ve only seen the manga.

Overall: 10/10 if I can convince anyone to read one Clamp work, it's this.

Xxxholic Rei:

TLDR: Continuation of xxxholic (keeping it vague for spoiler reasons)

Plot: This was quite honestly everything I could have wanted from this and more, although as with any of their unfinished works, I would love to see more of it. This did everything a sequel could, filling out some of the areas in the latter half of xxxholic that were slightly skimmed over and just kept the general feel of the series so well. The beginning was a bit confusing but was cleared up soon after in a very heart wrenching way, and the rest of it was very much leading up to something big and then never really fulfilled that since it’s on hiatus. 9/10

Characters: They very much did what they did with Tsubasa World Chronicle with the passage of time in the real world causing the characters to grow a bit in a natural way, and their interactions are enjoyable as always! The new characters introduced were fun and the old ones returning felt like such a treat to get to see them again. The dynamics between everyone feels just like it did in xxxholic as well! 10/10

Art: The art feels slightly like what they did with TWC, where they took the original art style and made it more polished! They really went above and beyond with the art for Rei and it's so lovely to look at. Clamp kept everything that made xxxholic charming and visually stunning and made it more elegant! 10/10

Ending: This is on hiatus but arguably up there with one of the worst cliffhangers that they've created. Whether you read online or go off of just the physical books, they've set things up so well and then it's been on hiatus for years. It’s very much up there with some of the worst hiatus caused endings (not to constantly reference Bus Gamer but it felt like that a lot with a lot of set up then it went nowhere). With this being the current ending that's there and no proof that it's going to get continued, I'd give it a 2/10

Other things: The last 3 chapters weren't published in the format that the rest are in, so you'll have to find a fan translation for them if you want to read the entire thing. I’m keeping this very incredibly vague because I especially don’t want to spoil sequels for things.

Overall: 9/10, it was amazing but the way it's left off is very frustrating!

Cardcaptor Sakura:

TLDR: A middle school girl is out to collect all of the Clow Cards along with her sidekicks because if she doesn't collect them, the world will be in trouble.

Plot: I started this out very skeptical since I'm not a big magical girl genre fan but the plot for this has the typical Clamp charm with just how they blend together action and character growth as well as comedy. The plot is a pretty simple structure (Sakura having to collect the Clow cards) but they do so much with it that I never felt bored once. The pacing is really good, with it being enough action but also downtime to keep it balanced. 9/10

Characters: I cannot explain enough how much I adore these characters. Clamp really excels in the longer series imo and this one really does these characters justice. I've read a bit of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle before this (which ties in but it's complicated) so I recognized the characters a bit! The character growth is honestly really good and a lot more than I was expecting! The characters are just very charming and really enjoyable to read about! 8/10

Art: Beautiful, you can tell that it was a slightly older style (CCS was made in the late 90s) but seeing how that style transitioned into the modern Clamp work is really fascinating. The art is gorgeous and the fight scenes are so neat with how they're done! Also the character design is gorgeous, Sakura and Syaoran always have these really intricate outfits and all the characters look really good! 9/10

Ending: The ending oh man. It's something that's really sad but bittersweet, it really got everything wrapped up and just suits the series really well. I'm leaving it vague because I'm full of feelings but not able to put them into words. 10/10

Other things: There are a few (yes you read that right, a few) questionable age gap relationships (that aren't in the anime but the manga doesn't make a super big deal out of them like Tokyo Babylon does), although there are multiple and it's not super subtle about it, one including a teacher proposing to a 10/13 year old, another being the protagonists parents, and the other being *gasp* another teacher student relationship. Also worth noting that there is a fair bit of LGBTQ+ representation in the series and done really well, with it not being very cliched (much better than how Legal Drug does things). I’m keeping this one somewhat vague because I feel this is one of the ones that’s slightly more popular than the rest and because it’s something that you just have to experience for yourself.

Overall: I'm gonna be honest and say the relationships factor is something that makes it a lot less enjoyable than it could be, although that was something I was aware of going in (and a motif Clamp tends to repeat unfortunately). If it wasn't for that, it would be a solid 9/10, but it's not such a big part of the plot as Tokyo Babylon was.

CCS Clear Card:

TLDR: All of the cards that Sakura collected during the initial series have all turned clear and they need to figure out why. (shitty summary but it’s hard to sum up without spoilers)

Plot: When I began this, it really just felt like Cardcaptor Sakura all over again in a way that it was being rehashed needlessly. But around halfway through, it picks up a bit and differentiates itself from CCS a bit, which feels good! The plot is mostly similar until the halfway point but with new characters which feels nice. The plot has been picking up steadily (and adding new things) at the latest chapters which is very good! Waiting monthly truly is nothing but torture because of the plot picking up so quickly. 7/10

Characters: The new characters introduced are good! They have interesting backstories and mesh well with the preexisting characters! I really enjoy them a lot but so far it's not a lot of character growth. We do have a much more present villain with this part, which I enjoy a lot! The original didn’t feel as if it had that, so it’s a welcome change. I feel it's a bit unfair to judge it since it's not finished, but I'd say it's probably a 7/10?

Art: The artstyle feels like they're putting CCS Sakura and TRC Sakura in a blender, it feels slightly newer than how she looked in CCS but it still looks nice! It's not my favorite Clamp style (I personally prefer a lot of their older stuff and the stuff that’s very visually distinct) but the art is really pretty! The full page spreads are also really nice, you can tell they put a lot of effort into the backgrounds and doing detail with them! I’m especially impressed with how they managed to keep the feel of the original style but update it a bit to look more polished. 7/10

Ending: As of writing (September of 2021), this hasn't finished so I can't rate this. For context, it's still ongoing, unlike the works on hiatus. I feel more confident rating those since they've been on hiatus for years instead of new chapters every month or so.

Other things: I may have not enjoyed this as much as I could since I jumped into this the same day I finished CCS, since the beginning felt very similar, so please be aware of that.

Overall: It's good but definitely not up there with my favorite Clamp works, and the gross relationships still prevail a bit in this, which is really unfortunate. 7/10 I do feel like things were a bit better than CCS in terms of plot picking up in the later half, so it's a bit higher on my overall ranking because of thinking back on it.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle:

TLDR: Found family traveling universes together to help one of them regain memories

Plot: Okay I physically cannot explain enough how amazing the plot in TRC is. It's paced perfectly, with the right amount of relaxation moments and action, and each of the universes are really unique and fascinating! When it gets past the halfway point though, things start to pick up and get even better. I don't want to get too deep into the plot for spoiler reasons, but it's so good. 10/10

Characters: The characters are all amazing and I think that this is genuinely the Clamp work with the most character development and the best characters. Seeing their backstories added so much to it and them as characters are all phenomenal. Thinking about these characters too hard makes me cry, the authors did such a phenomenal job developing everything about them and making them so enjoyable to read. The villain was a truly big threat and all the side characters that you met along the way were so nice to see again (TRC is basically Clamp’s big crossover work so reading everything before this resulted in me recognizing a lot of the characters from their other works that appeared in this). 10/10

Art: The art for this is stunning, with the characters having such detailed clothing and faces, as well as the backgrounds being so lovely! There's so many memorable moments that are just punctuated by the art. The style is a lot different than their older works, but it suits TRC so well! There are way too many panels in this that have stuck in my head for way longer than I want them to which is a testament to how good this was. 10/10

Ending: Words cannot explain how well the ending was done. It was somewhat open, which I know really could irritate some people, but I didn't mind it because everything that was leading up to the last few pages was so wonderfully crafted and brought everything together. When it was closer to the ending, it was a bit confusing but not too bad, despite the reputation it can get. 9/10

Other things: I wrote thoughts down right after finishing it, so it's not very long because I don't want to give away spoilers one bit. But this was such an amazing series and so so worth it. It's one I'd definitely reread over and over. I’m keeping this so vague because I can and will pressure people into reading it solely because of the characters or the plot but please trust me this deserves all the praise I’m giving it. It crosses over with xxxholic and both works make a lot more sense with the context from the other.

Overall: If I could recommend one Clamp work outside of xxxholic, it would be this. 10/10

Tsubasa World Chronicle:

TLDR: Sequel to TRC, can't really go into further detail without spoilers

Plot: It felt very much like returning home after finishing TRC but I also feel that with the plot being basically one adventure (in comparison to TRCs many adventures), it felt slightly disappointing because I wish that they had done more with it (slightly like how xxxholic Rei had around the same length and fit more plot in). I know that my disappointment is because I care about the characters in TRC so much and always want to see more of them. Outside of that, the plot was really interesting with the world and characters, and how it ties into Rei was a nice touch! 7/10

Characters: With the characters already being established and given so much depth and growth in TRC, I wasn't expecting much going in, but Clamp made the choice to show a bit how they grew between the end of TRC and the beginning of TWC in a subtle and nice way. The other characters that were in this were from Gate 7, so they were somewhat established as well (to me at least), and there were some original characters as well. Since it's so much shorter than TRC, there wasn't as much character development and growth but that's alright with TRC having such good characters. 9/10 solely because I'm very attached to the TRC characters.

Art: The art feels like Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle but a fair bit more polished which makes sense due to the passage of time in the real world between this and the original series! The characters just look a bit better in my opinion and the backgrounds are very lovely! It's very much up there with some of the best that they've put out, although I also admit I do generally prefer their style from the 1990s, I think that this is beautifully illustrated! 10/10

Ending: The ending was similar to TRC, with it being open ended but this was somewhat wrapped up but a bit less so than TRC, in my opinion. It still was good but I really wish they had done more with it being a sequel series (or maybe I just hope for more adventures for the characters). 8/10

Other things: It does give away the ending/after the end of xxxholic (and xxxholic Rei) very early on, so I'd read this at after xxxholic Rei, as Rei spoils a little less about this than this does for Rei. The official translation on this just felt really odd after reading TRC which I believe was translated by a different company, but I think the main thing I have a gripe with was just the font choice and how it kept changing in the Kodansha translation I have.

Overall: I think it was a very good sequel to TRC, but it didn't add a lot to the TRC lore, although it was very very nice to see the characters again. 8/10

Man of Many Faces:

TLDR: The protagonist is the son of a famous thief and has taken over his work, mainly because of his mom's insistence.

Plot: It's similar to Clamp School Detectives with a slightly underlying plot but new cases each chapter. I really enjoy this kind of plot so I'm a bit biased. 6/10

Characters: The moms are really great but seriously, the characters are all pretty good at being distinct and they interact really well! I wasn't expecting that the characters would have growth in a manga that's 11 chapters, but there was actually a bit of growth! 7/10

Art: The art style is really nice! Clamps 90s material has such a nice feel to it, and the backgrounds look really good! The clothes variety for the moms and the costumes in general are gorgeous! 8/10

Ending: The ending wasn't anything special, just wrapping up a few loose ends, but it wasn't bad. 5/10

Other things: The protagonist is dating someone younger than him by 4 years (a 5 year old and a 9 year old just feels a bit off to me) which is a pretty prominent plot point so if that's something that bothers you, that's there. The romance in this felt pretty unnecessary to me personally.

Overall: It was ok? The art was nice and the characters were nice but it didn't do a lot for me in comparison to a lot of the longer series that they have, which I suppose is an unfair comparison as this is only 11 chapters long. 6/10

RG Veda:

TLDR: Father and child go on a journey to stop an evil ruler.

Plot: This length and attention to detail is what I really wish that a lot of their other fantasy series that are shorter had, the plot is really rich and well developed for the most part. 7/10

Characters: A fair bit of the characters irk me, but I admit they're interesting and pretty well fleshed out. My biggest problem with this is how they just constantly are throwing new characters in without much warning and it's a lot to balance and keep track of for me. I think with the amount of characters they put in, it was a bit too ambitious and made it really hard to care about characters who barely showed up when they died. I'd recommend keeping a written list of characters handy to make it a bit easier to keep track of. The villain in this is really compelling and has instilled a lot of dread in the protagonists, which I think is really good since they need motivation to go on their journey. 6/10

Art: The art is really pretty and detailed, and there's a few panels that are up among the best things Clamp has drawn. The clothes look nice but typically aren't super elaborate. 7/10

Ending: Big battle and kind of emotional ending. It didn't do a lot for me because I wasn't really attached to the characters with there being so many. 5/10

Other things: I feel the need to point out that on the wiki, one of the relationships is "Adoptive father, lover" so that's there. After finishing it though, there's not anything really blatant so unless I missed something, there's not anything inherently romantic about this. It seems as if I am disinterested by this, but I think it was truly because of the scan I read being blurry and making it a bit harder to focus. This would be one I’d potentially buy physically to do a reread and see if my opinion changes. It’s very much a good manga but the circumstances I was reading it in made it hard to enjoy, basically.

Overall: This wasn't my favorite but it wasn't the worst, so I'm confident in giving it a solid 6/10, although it's one I'd probably reread sometime to see if I would enjoy it more.

Clamp School Detectives:

TLDR: 3 elementary school age kids going and solving mysteries and helping other people out

Plot: There's a slight recurring theme to each chapter and a slight plot thread connecting them each. 7/10, I really enjoy this kind of content because it's just lighthearted fun but there's an actual plot to it.

Characters: The three main boys are really distinct both visually and personality wise, but there's not a lot of character development which makes sense with it being only 12 chapters long. The characters are all very charming and their interactions are very nice! 8/10

Art: Very similar to Tokyo Babylon, not at all a bad thing! I really like this style and the less detailed faces in the background that keep reappearing! 9/10

Ending: The ending was super abrupt and not what I was expecting, honestly a bit disappointing, with as far as I know, the series officially ending there. 3/10

Other things: I think the best way to explain the feel of the series is if Ouran Highschool Host Club meets the Hardy Boys, which wasn't a crossover I knew I needed but I really did.

Overall: I honestly really enjoyed this despite it being so short and the ending not being great, it was just really charming and it was fun to see the crossovers with the other Clamp School related series! I would definitely read this again, 8/10

Clamp School Defenders:

TLDR: It's a group of people at Clamp School who are saving their school from a villain.

Plot: Similar to Clamp School Detectives, it's cheesy but honestly a ton of fun. Each chapter has them fighting in a different circumstance. I'll be honest and say this was much better than what I was expecting! The plot goes in a direction I wasn't expecting around chapter 10, and it's a lot more than I was expecting from a pretty short manga. 8/10

Characters: The characters are all incredibly charming and I was pleasantly surprised that the female character didn't get the damsel in distress treatment, as she can easily handle her own! All of the characters are very distinct (although I did occasionally mix up the two main short haired boys as their hairstyles are somewhat similar). With it being so short I wasn't expecting a lot of character growth, so I suppose it's again, similar to Clamp School Detectives, not a lot of development but a lot of charm and characters that aren't bland! 7/10

Art: The art for this is very similar to Clamp School Detectives, which I adore! I don't have a ton to say about it but the Mecha designs are really cool and the backgrounds and details are really nice! 9/10

Ending: The ending was kinda mediocre, quite honestly. I wasn't expecting much but it was just pretty bland. 3/10

Other things: This one crosses over a bit with Man of Many Faces, but it works well enough on its own without reading it. It also crosses over a bit with Clamp School Detectives, but you can also read this without the context of reading Clamp School Detectives. There's also quite a bit of meta jokes as it goes on. It is also unfortunately a trademark of a fair bit of Clamp's work to include an age gap relationship and this is no exception. I think it's quite a bit less romanticized than some of their other works (Cardcaptor Sakura for example), as the protagonists are fighting against this relationship to happen, but it is still there. It is an arranged marriage and still gross (referring to the age gap that isn't specified how big other than referring to them as an older woman dating a younger man) but I'm very relieved it's not as romanticized as their other works. I would say I prefer this overall to Clamp School Detectives, because the plot and characters were a bit more fun to read about but I think they’re also pretty similar.

Overall: I really really enjoyed this one, I think Clamp does well with these not super plot detailed shorter mangas as well as their longer ones, but if you're looking for a really plot detailed one, this is not it. It's just cheesy and a bit goofy but imo it's a lot of fun! 7/10

Shirahime-Syo:Snow Goddess Tales:

TLDR: It's an anthology with the plot all being connected in it's own with Shirahime-Syo, the snow goddess.

Plot: The plot in each chapter is something I really enjoy, and Clamp excels at. It's a short manga but it's really well paced and kept my interest the entire time. 8/10

Characters: With it being so short, there's not a lot of room for character development and growth, but the small bit that it has is really good. The characters were all distinct in their own way and that I think is impressive for a 5 chapter manga. 7/10

Art: The art is like nothing I've seen from Clamp before, it's absolutely lovely, I really like the thick lines and semi realistic faces! The backgrounds are beautiful and the overall format reminds me a lot of Clover's set up (not a traditional manga panel setup) especially in the first chapter. The two page spreads are so stunning and I love the kind of harsh lines used throughout. This is probably one of my favorite things artistically that Clamp has released. The art in this is so so pretty, it really stands out! 9/10

Ending: The ending was simple yet tied it all together, it was really good! 7/10

Other things: This appears to be an anthology with a small thread of plot connecting them all, which isn't something I hate! It feels melancholy but in a haunting and beautiful way.

Overall: I think this might be one of Clamp's hidden gems, it's extremely quick to read but such an impactful story! 8/10

Legend of Chun Hyang:

TLDR: A child prodigy at martial arts goes on a journey with a traveler

Plot: The plot for this slightly reminds me of Slayers, with a strong girl and a kinda dumb dude following her around (I haven't gotten super far into Slayers so I'm aware the dynamic might be different). But despite it being really long chapters, the plot grabbed me in right away and it was entertaining. 7/10

Characters: There was not enough time for a lot of character development but the characters were fun to read about and were ones I'd love to see further content with. 6/10

Art: The art is very 90s Clamp, which is something I don't mind at all! The backgrounds are pretty detailed and the action scenes are very clear on what's going on, the character outfits are really nice too! 8/10

Ending: It's very clear that this was dropped after the 3 chapters that were released since it ended so abruptly and had a lot of plot that was set up and never really followed through with. It wasn't the worst ending I've read but it was frustrating. 2/10

Other things: I believe that this is based on a legend but I'm unsure. Review is so short because of how short this was, and just not having a ton of thoughts on it.

Overall: I enjoyed it and just wish there was a bit more to it in general. 5/10 solely because of how bad the ending was.

Magic Knight Rayearth:

TLDR: Three girls get sucked into a magical world with the goal of having to save it from a villain, as prophecy foretold.

Plot: The plot moves along really quickly but manages to make it not feel like it is, with a lot of character interactions and a little bit of downtime between each battle. The plot kept me interested the entire time throughout and the twist by around the middle of book 3 was unexpected. With it being so short, I really wish it had been stretched out over more books, but for a quick fantasy story, it's pretty impressive. Things moved so fast that I really wish that Clamp had been able to slow down a bit and show a lot more of the world or add more plot details other than it just being a pretty straightforward adventure. 7/10

Characters: The characters are all really likeable and easy to visually distinguish, which I feel is on purpose. The side characters you meet are also really charming and make sense with the narrative of the story. As for character development, they have visual reminders of the girls getting stronger with their armor and weapons upgrading as they do. I feel like as with all categories in this, I wish they had done more with it, adding more details and letting the story be paced a bit slower to give the characters more growth and bonding time. 6/10

Art: Early Clamp art style is so stylized in such a nice way, and this is no exception at all! The backgrounds are stunning and the character design is really distinct and easy to tell apart with who is who, I really like how it's done! It's not too overcrowded (like how Miyuki-chan in Wonderland is) so it's really easy to read and easy on the eyes! 8/10

Ending: The ending for this was really good and not what I was expecting, and it really fed into the beginning of Magic Knight Rayearth 2 in a cohesive manner. 8/10

Other things: The world in this is honestly something I would love to see more of (which is great that there's a sequel) and I really wish it had been longer. The world building was just kind of giving out little crumbs of information sprinkled through and I wish we had learned more about it. My main gripe is that I would have loved to see more from this, not necessarily to the length of TRC but I do wish it was longer than it was.

Overall: For what it was (a 3 book adventure story), it's really pretty impressive how much they fit in. The characters were much better than I expected and it's definitely one that I wasn't expecting to enjoy as much as I did. I would definitely reread this in the future. 7/10

Magic Knight Rayearth 2:

TLDR: After the adventure of Magic Knight Rayearth, the girls realize that they miss the world and their adventures and go back, continuing their adventures.

Plot: The plot is honestly just as strong as in the original and there's yet another massive plot twist that was the opposite of what I was expecting! The plot was really nice and it felt as though the story just flew by with the pacing being really nice although perhaps a bit rushed. 7/10

Characters: I feel just even at the very beginning, the main three girls have a lot more complexity (which does make sense after what they went through), which is definitely a good thing! The new characters introduced are all really fun to read and the old ones returning was a pleasant surprise! 6/10

Art: The art is just as nice as the first, with a lot more of the 2 page spreads which was a really nice touch! 8/10

Ending: The ending, just like the original, was pretty unexpected, but also somewhat not? I'm not too sure how to explain it other than it feels like it falls into some cliches but also puts a fresh spin on them. 7/10

Other things: Not a very long review because this was also a short one and I said most of what I wanted to say about this in the first series.

Overall: I really enjoyed it and the world was something I really wanted to get back to, it was fascinating! 7/10

Wish:

TLDR: A man finds an angel and she tries to grant his wish despite his insisting he has no wishes to grant.

Plot: It was really oddly paced and not super memorable (I read this in a day or two and by the time I finished, I remembered barely anything from the beginning). It's a little similar to Suki where romance is a big focal point but has a slightly bigger cast of characters. The pacing went from fast to dragging its feet at times, which made it a bit frustrating to read. 4/10

Characters: The characters are slightly walking stereotypes, especially the angels and demons with their appearance and personality and there wasn't much character development to speak of (which was what I was expecting from such a short manga). Some of the characters were entertaining but overall I didn't really get attached or invested in anyone. The side characters were pretty much the only redeeming things in Wish, and I really wish more of the story was focused on them instead of the main couple. 5/10

Art: The art is middle of the road but the constant chibis have made the art really grate on me (the protagonist turns into a chibi version of herself at night, so it's a pretty frequent occurrence). It could just be that the art isn't my cup of tea but the way people are drawn just makes me miss the ones I've read in the past that look a bit more polished. 5/10 (although I also admit it's a bit biased and the art is nice but I just don't enjoy it a lot). The main artist for this one has illustrated ones that I really enjoy but also some I didn't so I think it's just slightly a hit or miss for me personally.

Ending: The ending was something I wasn't expecting and the way things were concluded wasn't necessarily bad but I think just my disinterest in the plot and most of the characters made it hard to enjoy. The ending felt as if it was supposed to be emotional but how things were executed didn't really fulfill that for me. 5/10

Other things: I fully acknowledge that this could be a good manga but it's just not one I really enjoyed. If I were to change it to make it better, I’d focus more on the world and the side characters more than the main characters and the romance aspect, because I think there was a lot of potential there.

Overall: 5/10 it was average but not anything I'd ever bother rereading.

Miyuki-chan in Wonderland:

TLDR: Protagonist gets sucked into a wacky world with a lot of women and things return to normal by the end of the chapter, and then things start over the same each chapter but in a different setting.

Plot: I cannot physically explain the sheer lack of plot this has, with things resetting each chapter, there's not really any underlying plot, nor pretty much any plot in each individual chapter. If you want something that’s very little plot and easy to digest, this definitely might be the work for you, it’s kind of like junk food with it being really simple? 0/10

Characters: The only thing we know about our protagonist is she works at a restaurant and that's pretty much it. There's not any interesting characters but I sure wish there were. 0/10

Art: The art is fairly busy compared to the other Clamp works I've read, which isn't something I particularly like. The style is somewhat similar to Tokyo Babylon but the skill is just going to drawing a ton of women barely wearing clothes instead of the pretty backgrounds that their other series had. 5/10

Ending: It was kinda like an anthology of stories so the ending didn't really pack any punches or do anything interesting, just wrapped up the last chapter. 1/10

Other things: The very definition of porn without plot except there's not any porn just suggestive content all over the place. Probably the most frustrating one that I’ve read in terms of plot because I went in with some semi low expectations and they somehow didn’t meet any of those.

Overall: This was something I'm glad to be done with, it was really boring and didn't do much interesting with the concepts that were presented other than just here's women. 1/10 the art was ok? The point is just for the artwork not looking too bad.

Suki:

TLDR: A naive high school age girl falling in love with her 32 year old teacher but all is not what it seems for them both.

Plot: By this point, I'm a bit exhausted of this kind of relationship in Clamp works and just am not really captured by the plot fully surrounding this. I'm not the biggest fan of romance only plots and that's pretty much all that this was. It was really predictable and didn't really do anything new. Even when the plot twist was introduced, things didn’t really get much more interesting because of the main character.1/10

Characters: Honestly (and not trying to be negative about this), a lot of the characters are pretty insufferable, especially the protagonist, it makes it slightly hard to read. No matter what the circumstance is, the main character just ignores any and all danger and proceeds to act naive to the point of exhaustion (for me). A couple of the side characters weren’t insufferable but a lot of them also were at the same time. It really seems like Touko (one of the side characters) is the only one remotely with common sense and no one listens to her. The love interest is so boring and also lacks some common sense. 2/10

Art: The art is completely different than anything I've seen from Clamp before, and while it's well done, it's just not my cup of tea personally. I fully acknowledge it's biased and some people may enjoy the artstyle but 4/10.

Ending: The ending was gross but what I predicted, it's very frustrating how often they really romanticize these kinds of relationships. 0/10

Other things: There was literally nothing that made me enjoy this one bit. I hated it here so much when reading it, and the 2 bearable characters did not make it worth it.

Overall: 1/10 I would never reread this or recommend it to anyone, it was just very frustrating to read and the plot didn't really do anything that was exciting or new.

Angelic Layer:

TLDR: A girl gets involved in the world of robotic doll fighting and she fights through a tournament.

Plot: At around the halfway point, the plot has been just fight after fight, which is fine but there's not a lot of time for plot outside of the fighting. The plot slightly picks up from just repetitive fighting around chapter 19/26 which is really late for there to feel like there's something actually going on plot wise. If you enjoy just fight after fight without a lot of other stuff, this is the plot for you, but that's not something I really enjoy. For me, this kind of plot just drones on and on and it could not keep my interest that well. 3/10

Characters: The main characters identifying trait is she's short and doesn't think she can fight properly because of that but that changes throughout the story. There's not a lot of character motivation for the protagonist with her just continuing to fight without much of an end goal. I don’t think that explained a lot, but simply, the protagonist just wants to fight in the tournaments and doesn’t necessarily seem to have an end goal in sight. 3/10

Art: Very much similar to Chobits with the style but everyone looks like how Chi looks, which isn't really cute to me. I think that Chobits had it more balanced with not everyone in that artstyle that Chi was drawn in, but this isn't too bad. I don't really enjoy it a lot and a lot of the fight scenes are a bit hard to understand what's going on for me. As well, one character doesn't have his nose in a lot of panels or just a bit of it isn't drawn, which is pretty distracting. The backgrounds aren't that interesting either, no one really did much that made them stick out in my memory. 4/10

Ending: The ending was just things wrapped up with a minor plot twist, it didn't do much for me. It just didn't really seem well earned or something that the protagonist was really striving for, since she was mainly just continuing to play and wasn't specifically stating that this was what she wanted. 3/10

Other things: The plot was very much not something I enjoyed but I can also see where it could be good for someone that was interested in this. I have some hope that the anime might make it something I enjoy a bit more.

Overall: I'm sure this could be something someone would like but it lost my attention super early on and didn't ever really regain it. 3/10

Chobits:

TLDR: An average guy finds a Persocom in the trash and the Persocom is not all that she seems to be at a glance.

Plot: The plot starts out as a slightly slice of life, but progresses around halfway through into a really fascinating plot with exploring the universe and the effects of Persocoms (basically robots, without going too much into detail with how they work). Honestly, it's way more than what I expected with how the first 20ish chapters are just kind of fitting into the genre that I was expecting from it, but it really does grow a lot deeper than that. I know I already emphasized that it's very different than what I initially expected, but it's a lot deeper than I was expecting, there's a lot of stuff that really resonates with me outside of the typical genre stuff that's early on. As the story progresses, it blossoms into a narrative about grief and how humans cope as well as humans heal from it, blended with action scenes in between. 8/10

Characters: I'm gonna be honest and say some of the characters (excluding Chi) are probably the weak part of this. A fair bit of them are stagnant throughout the story which doesn't do a lot for me. The rest of the characters just don't really endear me to them as much as Chi does. However, Chi genuinely does a very good job at embodying the kind of character development I'd love to see in more of this genre as truly, she grows and changes so much through such a short time. She really does make the story for me, as there's just something about her that intrigues me. Hideki's (protagonist) character development isn't horrible but it's just slow, and is a very gradual thing, which isn't necessarily bad, but it feels like the only thing he's doing to change is caring more for Chi. For Chi only, I'm adding a few points to the total score of 6/10.

Art: This art style looks similar to how I think Angelic Layer looks (based off the cover, I'm reading this before Angelic Layer) but it's a really nice artstyle! I fully admit I have a lot of nostalgia for this art style but I really enjoy it! Post reading Angelic Layer, I really appreciate how this balanced how Chi and everyone else looked and just some of the visual details in it. It had enough visual variance that it kept my attention really well. 7/10

Ending: I didn't think I would get emotionally invested in this story, but the ending was beautiful and I don't wanna admit to crying over this at 2:30 am, but it was so so good. I don't want to go into more details to not spoil things, but it ties things up perfectly. 9/10

Other things: I'm not sure what it is about this series but it's very easy to get sucked into and read a lot of (probably since the 88 chapters are only around 15 pages long). I'm a bit ashamed that I got so sucked into it that I proceeded to read all of it in one sitting instead of going to bed. Also be aware there's a lot of dirty jokes in this and occasional nudity if that bothers you (it's very much the worst in the beginning and gradually gets less intense). I would also like to add that Chi gets sexualized rather often (which is what a lot of the jokes are from) and especially in the chapter covers. The way that the (in universe) books are tied into the plot is something I also really enjoy and is something that's such a neat touch with tying the story together overall. Also very much worth noting I have nostalgia for the anime so it definitely might be a bit of rose tinted glasses for this one specifically. Unfortunately, it's not a Clamp work (for the most part, not all of them are like this but I'm noticing a pattern) without an age gap relationship (or two, I can't find information on some characters' ages). I know the first part of the story can be a bit off-putting to me, but if you can give it a bit of time, the story does really grow away from a lot of the funky stuff if that bothers you (the first chapter is pretty much the worst with that, although the questionable relationships are more in the middle to last half of the story). There’s something about this story that just really spoke to me, in finding a person that accepts you for you and is your person. Overall: I'm gonna be honest and say (in case it wasn't clear by the above category) that the dirty jokes do slightly sour this for me, but genuinely even despite that, it's something I would reread again. 8/10

Kobato:

TLDR: A girl and her dog try to fill up a jar by resolving people's problems (it's better than what I'm explaining it as I promise).

Plot: The plot really doesn't start to pick up until around halfway through if not a bit before but the early plot is just really calm and relaxing! When it picks up, it doesn't let back down and holds your attention the rest of the time. 8/10

Characters: The characters are all a lot of fun to read and they really are part of an interesting plot between the characters! I really enjoy them a lot and seeing the protagonist grow and learn is so nice! 7/10

Art: The art style is pretty similar to CCS Clear Card, which is definitely not a bad thing but I really enjoy the dramatic expressions and backgrounds! The character design is really nice and elaborate in terms of clothes and all the characters are visually distinct! 8/10

Ending: I'll be honest and say around 3 chapters before the ending, I enjoyed it but by the time I reached the ending, I was pretty frustrated with the direction it was going. I think the ending had potential but the last few chapters felt off to me. 3/10

Other things: Starting this, from things I heard from my mutuals, I was anticipating something really deep and emotional and instead it's this story about a girl and her supernatural dog, although it's a lot of fun before it gets deeper. I really like the cameos (Chobits, xxxholic, Suki, etc), it's a neat touch to include especially with me reading a lot of clamp lately! Also the ending includes a 16 year old getting with a 36 to 40 year old, so they're really trying to push their previous age gaps.

Overall: 6/10, I enjoyed parts of it but the tone just changed a lot throughout and there were a few things I felt mixed feelings on.

Drug and Drop:

TLDR: See Legal Drug, it's a continuation of that.

Plot: The plot really picks up in this, going from regular cases each chapter to a larger overall plot and it's really intriguing.

Characters: I'm not sure how to explain this other than they take a lot of stereotypes and find a way to make them charming and interesting. The main couple is a lot more interesting than in the original, and there's a lot that was revealed. 7/10

Art: The art is the same as the original and xxxholic towards the end of its run, I think it's a tiny bit more polished than the original for the most part and I enjoy it quite a bit! They have a lot more two page spreads that are so beautiful and the backgrounds are really nice! 7/10

Ending: Need to emphasize this was put on hiatus years ago and doesn't show much sign of finishing, but I'll still rank the ending where they left off (chapter 19 in case they do end up finishing it in the future). The ending left quite a bit to be desired as the entire last chapter was spent dropping information that could have really played into an interesting plot if it was ever continued. It wasn't the worst ending I've read but it was a bit lackluster. 3/10

Other things: This was the continuation to Legal Drug, which I really enjoyed (I am pretending I do not see the sheer amount of stereotypes), so before starting it, I have hopes that the characters will get fleshed out and that it explores their relationship more! After finishing it, they definitely did get fleshed out and the relationship was deepened in a very nice way! I really like how it's crossed over with xxxholic, although if you do read this, wait to do so after you finish xxxholic otherwise things won't make sense. Also clarifying that just like Legal Drug, this isn't everyone's cup of tea because of how a lot of the characters are walking stereotypes but in spite of that I very much enjoy it. I think the main take away from this is they did improve a bit on the stereotypes but also took some steps back, but I enjoyed it in spite of that.

Overall: This is a massive improvement on the original and I really enjoyed it! There were a lot of twists and turns that felt semi built up to. 7/10

cont in part 2

[itsclydebitches]

I kinda wonder, what could bakugou do (hori write bakugou to do) to make him less popular with the "anti" crowd. Like He was a horrid child no doubt and people who try to put blame on Deku or lessen the terrible shit bakugou did aren't great. But as we don't rly see it, we have to assume bakugous behaviour wasn't stopped, we only ever saw his mum "punishing" him when he was being rude after getting kiddnapped. Nothing will excuse what bakugou did, but he has stopped? He's overall a harsh person but he's not harrassing and bullying people anymore, specifically not deku, he's trying to attone for what he did to deku and has now apologised for it. His behaviour was never viewed as justified or good in the series, he's a scary figure in middle school, we're not meant to like his behaviour, so the series itself hasn't justified his actions.

As someone who relate to both bakugou and deku more than I'd like to admit (never told someone to jump tho, that's fucked lol) so I can 100% understand not liking or even hating bakugou but as someone who's not 15 anymore, looking back I also made a lot of really shitty decisions and like bakugou have tried to make up for it, and like deku I was 'friends' with people who hurt me.

Is there anything he can do for the "antis" to just dislike him rather that be "anti"?

(I'm very sorry if you've talked about this somewhere, you can just tell me to look for it if you have, I'll continue to look for your posts on the subject)

Hey there, anon! I think I’ve spoken about this only tangentially and/or in my main Bakugo meta, which is too big for anyone sane to read. So yeah, let’s chat here!

For me personally—and that’s all I can ever do: speak personally. I think it’s important to keep in mind that there is no single solution to please the “anti” crowd. Each fan will be looking for something slightly different in Bakugo’s character, much of which might contradict what a “stan” is currently enjoying. Given how charged a character he is, I'm not sure it's possible to get the entire fandom to like him—what I’m looking for hinges on having a different reading of the story than you seem to. Meaning, I think the series does justify his behavior. Not in any overt, super obvious way like having all the characters go, “Wow, Bakugo! I sure do love how you threaten people all the time. That’s super cool and heroic!” Things are rarely that straightforward. Rather, it’s in a more subtle, but consistent manner that paints a rather conclusive picture across hundreds of chapters.

Simply put, Bakugo is continually rewarded for his actions. Or, if not outright rewarded, his actions are ignored in a way that implies silent acceptance. Characters may not always like what he does... but they're willing to let it slide because Bakugo's heroism was always treated as a given, not something he had to earn and prove.

With the ever necessary disclaimer that I’m not fully caught up yet, here’s a list of some of the things that stood out to me in the first half of the series:

Bakugo’s bullying made him the most popular kid in school.

Bakugo’s bullying was ignored by/outright supported by the teachers.

Bakugo’s bullying did not hinder him from getting into U.A., one of the most prestigious hero schools around.

Despite acting horribly throughout his time at U.A. too, this behavior was continually ignored by the teachers and other authority figures around him.

Bakugo’s struggle to realize that other people aren’t “trash” doesn’t hurt his achievements in any way. He still gets top scores, still wins the tournament, etc.

Bakugo’s behavior gets him special attention from All Might, the greatest hero and Bakugo’s personal idol.

His behavior doesn’t make others dislike him in any manner that’s taken seriously. Everybody is still willing to not just put up with Bakugo, but—in time—start treating his behavior as a quirk (no pun intended lol) that they’re secretly fond of, rather than something he should legitimately be striving to change. Kirishima is the most overt example of this.

This is compounded by his behavior constantly being framed as humorous. Much like with Mineta’s perverted actions, characters might superficially go, “No, that’s bad!” but the story never demands any significant development because then we’d lose the “joke” of Bakugo screaming in rage at the slightest inconvenience, threatening to murder someone over nothing, constantly belittling everyone around him in a “funny” manner, etc. When fans talk about development of a manga character as archetypal and extreme as Bakugo, most don’t really want to see significant change to his base personality. Because then that would result in someone who doesn’t look like the “real” Bakugo: someone nicer, more even-tempered, more mature, etc. But for those of us who were never drawn to that personality in the first place, the continued acceptance of his rude, egotistical, and violent behavior is discomforting. The easiest comparison I can draw is between this and Bakugo’s mother slapping him. That slap is meant to be another “joke”—we see it constantly in shonen anime, something "humorous" you shouldn’t take too seriously because haha, it's just an overprotective mother—but many fans do take it seriously, using it as the basis for a whole “Bakugo was abused and this explains his behavior” reading. Well, I take the “joke” of Bakugo’s threats and insults seriously, especially in a story that starts with something like telling Izuku to jump off the roof. In the same way that many fans want others to treat Bakugo’s mother as a serious topic that has had a negative influence on his development, I want the series to take Bakugo’s everyday actions seriously as a negative influence on… well, everyone around him. But it doesn’t. His base personality is grudgingly adored.

The above two points are seen most overtly in Izuku, who never wavers in his respect for Bakugo despite how Bakugo treats him. Not just prior to U.A., but during their training too. Izuku, as the protagonist, is the emotional heart of this tale, so when he talks about how inspiring Bakugo is, it encourages the reader to see his behavior as inspiring too. Rather than, as said, something that needs to change. Izuku's continued friendship with Bakugo, his adoration of him, and his acceptance of the way he's treated has severely warped how the entire story sees Bakugo's actions. After all, if #pure Izuku can see the good in Bakugo, why can't everyone else? He must not be that bad after all.

I could get into detailed analyses of all the above—like how Bakugo was the one comforted after attacking Izuku outside the dorms at night and how the messed up relationship he has with Izuku is upheld as something to nurture; how the remedial courses he had to take were made to be rather silly, thereby undermining their supposed importance to his development; how Bakugo’s kidnapping had nothing to do with his flaws, but much of the fandom uses it as a way to dismiss any appropriate consequences because, “Hasn’t he suffered enough?” etc.—but in the interest of keeping this within a readable length, I’ll leave it at that. The point is that Bakugo has always been privileged when it comes to his behavior, resulting in others either outright praising it, ignoring it, or demanding that he change a miniscule bit, which always keeps him far below the standards of both his peers and the expectations of a hero. Everyone in 1-A must learn to be even better than the good people they already are... Bakugo needs to learn that other people aren't dirt at the bottom of his shoes. It's never been a particularly impressive development when pit against the rest of the class. All of which can make something like an apology feel pretty hollow. Yes, he’s apologized and I say with all seriousness that that’s great! But how does that apology stack up against 300+ chapters of content? As Bakugo’s words highlight, he's been a really awful person up "until now": he was consumed by Izuku being “miles ahead of [him],” he “looked down on [him]” because he didn’t have a quirk, he “didn’t want to recognize that,” he “hated that,” “grew distant,” “tried to beat you down,” “opposed you and tried to show my superiority over you,” and ends it all with, “it probably doesn’t mean anything telling you all this” before finally getting to the “I’m sorry.” This is basically a laundry list of how horrible a person Bakugo has been for the entire series, with an acknowledgement that this apology is coming really, really late. This is the moment where I could START to like Bakugo, depending on how he acts form here on out, but that pivotal moment arrived after six years of content and in the final arc of the story. It’s too late. Bakugo needed this kind of self-reflection and positive action 250+ chapters ago so he could (hopefully) grow into a better person across the story, not at the story's end. What we got instead is 322 chapters of him being a really horrible person, but the story going out of its way to excuse or even praise that behavior the majority of the time.

As a quick comparison to end on, I think what Bakugo needed was what Soo Jin got in True Beauty. You don’t need to have seen the drama to follow along. The tl;dr is that she has a lot of the core qualities of Bakugo: an all-consuming drive to win that was created due to abusive parents with high expectations, resulting in her bullying a peer to a pretty horrific extent. The difference between them is how the story frames their actions. When Soo Jin becomes the bully she loses everything. Rather than succeeding academically, her grades plummet, making it clear that this anxiety and self-doubt (things the fandom keeps insisting Bakugo is struggling with, but that rarely ever show up in the text) is actually impacting her day-to-day life. Her best friend drops her because she’s not going to support her choices. The boy she likes rejects her. She’s eventually forced to start over somewhere new - which importantly separates her from the girl she was bullying - and get some distance from her parents, resulting in the growth needed to become a healthier, happier, good person again. So when Soo Jin apologizes to the girl she hurt, it feels earned. The story continually recognized how horrific her actions were and put her into a place where she either had to change, or continue losing at everything else that was important to her. Bakugo? Bakugo doesn’t lose. Oh, he claims he does because he’s comparing himself to Izuku constantly, but that’s just him thinking in extremes. He still wins academically. Still wins many battles. Still wins at having friends. Still wins by maintaining the prestige of being a U.A. student. Still wins by getting All Might’s attention. Still wins by receiving Izuku’s respect and an agreement to maintain this rivalry that Bakugo is so obsessed with. Bakugo comes out well 99% of the time, he just thinks he's "lost" because he can't stand not being the absolute best.

For me, the story needed to have Bakugo face consequences for his behavior, not receive rewards and/or have others ignore it, and that revelation/apology needed to come way, way sooner. For me the issue is not a specific action that Horikoshi can have Bakugo do in the next chapter and them bam, I like him now. The problem is Bakugo’s entire concept, how he’s received by the entire cast, and his run across this entire series. "Entire" is the key word there. Which is why the “But he’s apologized. What more do you antis want?” reactions don’t sit well. What we wanted is a better written redemption arc across those 300+ chapters, not a single scene that’s meant to have us forget all the other problems inherent in the story. At this point it’s a far more complicated situation than, “Bakugo just needs to do X, Y, and Z and then we’re golden.” At the end of the day, Horikoshi failed to make me like him as a person and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to change Bakugo enough to make him likable to me. Bakugo was never the sort of character I’d be inclined towards without a serious, nuanced redemption arc, but sadly, a core, crucial part of that redemption arc took six years to arrive. At this point there’s no way to change the problems in Bakugo’s writing for that huge chunk of the series and not enough time left in the series, it seems, to do the work we should have seen across the entire run. Honestly, idk if the Bakugo we'll get going forward is someone I can just dislike as opposed to being really uncomfortable with, but my money is on there being too little story left and too much investment in upholding Bakugo's base personality for that to happen. I could absolutely be proven wrong! But I think the problems are structural and needed to be better dealt with from page one, not hastily patched over in the final hour.

[oogaboogasphincter]

The 50/10 Method (Agent Whiskey x f!reader)

Summary: Jack makes the most of your 10 minute study break. 

Word Count: 2.7k+

Rating: E (explicit) 18+ ONLY! bc this is just cringey smut lmfao

Warnings: smut (oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v sex (obvi use protection irl), very easily and conveniently reached orgasms (this is a fantasy i can do what i want skjfkd), dirty talk, one (1) allusion to thigh riding and one (1) instance of 💙spitting💙, fingering, positions i hope i've given enough detail so y’all can imagine what i was picturing💀), pet names (sweetheart, honey, cowboy *affectionately*, good girl, baby), there’s a sentence about reader having long-ish hair, reader and jack have a dog, swearing, reader is afab and is called things like good girl and the like, just overall trash grammar and structure 😇

Author’s Note: so this is very poorly written and extremely self-indulgent, as i myself use the 50/10 method 🙃. but i had a lot of fun with it, and i think that’s what writing is supposed to be all about! :) also i was heavily inspired to write this after reading “Take a Break” by @mellowswriting​ and “Study Buddy” by @pascalpanic​. please go check those out because they’re absolutely fantastic!!!!! +while you’re at it, i would highly advise you to read anything on their masterlists bc they’re just 💜exquisite💜

gif by @thernandalorian​

The lines of text on your computer screen are starting to blend into each other, creating a single run-on sentence that one of your previous English teachers would ridicule the author for. The sharp curves and angles that distinguish each letter from the next are becoming soft and dull, blurring into each other until your brain can only recognize it as a smeared streak of black on white.

It’s 11:00am on a Saturday, a big exam set for the upcoming Monday’s morning. You don’t feel rushed for time, or overloaded with unknown material, and the early hours of the day have been quite productive. Following a shared breakfast of homemade waffles in bed with Jack, your boyfriend, you didn’t complain when setting up your study station on the living room’s large oak table. If anything, you had been excited to begin studying early in the hopes of finishing your review by the end of the day. That way, tomorrow would be free for you and Jack to do whatever you pleased.

However, as the hours went by, your motivation was slowly but surely diminishing. The serene study atmosphere that you usually thrive in is now driving you mad. You yearn for a noise, any noise; a bird to sing a song in the tree outside your window, the smack of your dog’s loose wrinkles against each other as he attempts to shake the sleep out of him, a pencil unable to stop itself from rolling and dropping onto the floor with a tink.

You’re momentarily gifted with the crisp sound of a page turning. You flit your eyes over to gaze upon the source of your granted wish and your heart flutters in reaction to the sight: Jack’s resting on the couch, cowboy hat balanced on the back of it, deeply absorbed in the next installment of his favorite murder-mystery series. You find it curious that his desire for an adrenaline-filled challenge doesn’t stop when he comes home from mission after mission that nearly cost him his life. You’ll ask him about his insatiability one day, but for now you categorize it as fictional research for his Statesman assignments.

Your short glance quickly turns into an entranced stare. Jack looks... divine. Fetching. Luscious. As he’s lying on his back, neck propped up against the arm of the couch, his book balanced on his chest, relaxation radiates off of him in waves and utterly seduces you. You’re surprised that he hasn’t been a greater distraction to you throughout the morning. How have you managed to ignore the denim-wearin’, plaid-shirted, pornstache-sportin’ cowboy of your dreams that is only a few steps away?

Involuntarily, the thigh muscles of your crossed legs contract in an effort to bring some semblance of friction to your now weeping core. Similar to your imaginings of your dog earlier, you shake your head to force these heavy, unwanted feelings to dissipate and turn back to the work in front of you. Of course, Jack does the opposite of what you’d like him to do and takes an interest in your fidgeting. He peeks over the top of his book, “You cold, sweetheart?” 

His question is reasonable: you’re purposely wearing a skirt that’s so short it rides up quite high when you sit. You don’t dare to meet his eyes and answer while pulling a textbook close and opening it up, “No, I’m okay.”

Fortunately he returns to his reading. Your attention is able to retain itself for about a paragraph, but then your mind takes a sharp detour back to those pesky, steamy desires. You mentally huff at your inability to remain concentrated on your studies and rifle through the options of what you can do to satiate yourself for the time being. 

You could switch texts and force your brain to recognize the change and therefore become distracted. You could pick out some colored writing utensils and bring some fun to active reading. You could say fuck it, go straddle Jack and beg him to use you in whichever way he would like.

Jack interrupts your brainstorming, “Are you sure you don’t need a blanket or sumthin’? I can go get my jacket for ya.” 

The attentiveness of your southern lover melts your heart. You turn to him, “No, really, I’m okay, thanks.”

“I wouldn’t count a bathroom break as taking away from your 50 minutes, honey, if that’s what’s makin’ you twitch.” 

You had been implementing and strictly adhering to the 50/10 method all morning: study for 50 minutes, take a break for ten. Its effectiveness was never doubted, as it has proven to work for you for years. Only ten minutes into this 50 minute period, the devil of restlessness pokes at you and makes you think could time go by any slower? A hand comes up to cover the blush creeping across your cheek as you dismiss Jack’s suggestion, “No, that’s not it.”

Behind your embarrassed hand, Jack cocks an eyebrow at you. Your simple choice of words has given the Agent a hint, that there is something that’s bothering you, he just hasn’t figured it out yet and you don’t want to admit what it is for some reason. He returns to his book, however lost in thought about what your problem could be, while you task every cell in your body to pay attention to your studies. 

35 minutes remain on the clock, and Jack guesses, “Did you have too much coffee?”

You can’t help but grin at his sleuthing, “No, I just had my regular.”

He conjures up another possible solution five minutes later, “Are you itchin’ to get out of the house? We haven’t left in two days.”

He’s getting warmer. Both of you know exactly why you haven’t left the house in two days: you’d been occupied with activities of the sinful variety. You can’t gauge yet whether or not he knows he’s dancing around the answer, “Baby, you’re distracting me. And nope, it’s not that.” 

He smiles apologetically, “Sorry,” and uses his book as a partition, blocking your ability to procrastinate and just visually drool all over him.

Silence fills the next 20 minutes. Even though Jack is out of your sight, details from your observations exaggerate themselves in your mind to the point that they’re all encompassing, intoxicating. The way his jeans wrap around his legs ever so perfectly, the worn denim hugging those muscular thighs that he loves for you to grind yourself against when you’re feeling especially desperate (like now). How his plaid flannel slopes over the swell of his belly, stretching tight against his skin as his diaphragm contracts and deflating when he exhales. Even his large feet, strewn about lazily on the couch, his toes pointing in different directions, amuse you. 

Ten minutes remain in your study session. Feeling guilty about spending the majority of the last hour envisioning the seductive intricacies of your boyfriend, you actually start to study. 

“How many times do you think I can make you cum in ten minutes?”

Your eyes are ripped from your material and land on the menace lazing on the couch. He’s put his book down, one arm behind his head while the other is crooked, allowing himself to palm his cock through his pants. Jack’s wearing a shit-eating grin, bewitching your crossed legs to switch which one is on top; an excuse to apply more pressure to the yearning area between them. You fidget in the chair, shamefully trying to get the seam of your underwear to rub against you in just the right way. You shrug, “I-I’m not sure.”

He gets up and comes over to you, standing behind you and leaning forward to rest his chin on your shoulder. He murmurs in your ear, “I think we should find out during your next break.”

You turn to face him, “I think so too.”

He gives you a quick kiss, “Well, you better be a good girl and study for these last few minutes. Earn that break.” He places his large hands on either side of your head and turns it toward your materials, making you both laugh.

Somehow, you’re able to pay attention. Jack’s impending promise of ravaging you for ten minutes straight quells your jittering nerves and gives you something specific to look forward to. Before you know it, your alarm is beeping, alerting you that your break has commenced. Jack cages you by reaching forward and grabs the clock, programs it to ten minutes and keeps it in his hand. He grips the sides of your swivel chair, pulls it back from the table and spins you around to face him, the speed of the turn making your hair swoosh across your shoulders. Through mutual giggles, Jack lifts you up, winding your legs around his waist, your arms doing the same around his neck. “I want you to count for me how many times you cum.”

Breathlessly, you simply obey, “Okay.”

He practically runs to the bedroom. He sets the clock on the nightstand and turns the face towards the mattress so you don’t lose out on studying time. Tossing you onto the bed, your giggling continues as you bounce from the force. Jack hooks his fingers in your underwear and yanks them down, pulling them out from under your skirt and over your shoes. The way he wastes no time ridding you of any other garment makes blood and heat flood your center and air rush out of your lungs. He pushes your lost air back into your mouth with a kiss and then immediately retreats back to in between your legs.

He flicks the fabric of your skirt up onto your belly, letting himself have complete, unobstructed access to his early lunch. His fingers fondle your folds while his lips place sloppy kisses along the inside of your thighs. After he’s had his fill of that step, he sits back and stares at you: spread out for him, more than willing to take anything he wants to give to you. He blows out a whistle, eyeing your core, and you say, “Hey, you’re on the clock, cowboy. No time for dramatics.”

He nods, a smirk pulling at one side of his mouth, “You’re right, sweetheart.”

He spits onto your cunt, forgoing his usual gentle licks to adequately wet your pussy. A quiet fuck escapes your mouth as he plunges his tongue into you. Your fingers wind themselves in his chocolatey locks and pull, extracting an excited moan from your lover. His fingers knead the soft flesh on the backs of your thighs as he eats and when his mustache starts to tickle your clit, you’re done for. Your grip on his hair becomes vice-like and your whole body seizes up, constricted by enrapturing pleasure. You strangle out, “One.”

Jack unlatches his mouth only once he’s certain your first orgasm is complete. He stands, admires your wrecked expression, takes his cock out, spits into his hand and pumps his dick a few times. Hands slithering around your waist, he flips you onto your stomach and pulls your ass up, positioning you on your hands and knees. You’re a little bit dizzied by his manhandling in combination with his expert tongue, but this type of vertigo is the most enjoyable you’ve ever experienced. 

When he pushes into you, it’s a bit of a stretch because he hadn’t warmed you up with his fingers. He relaxes you by leaning forward, pressing his chest against your back and peppering soft kisses to your shoulder blades. The clink of his belt comically punctuates his thrusts, but your laughs are swallowed by intoxicated groans. You don’t know, and you don’t really care to figure out, how he already has you teetering on the edge of cumming again. Heightened senses tell you that you’re close; the fabric of his shirt feels unearthly soft as it brushes against patches of exposed skin, his fingertips are delightful lead in their clamp on you, his grunts and pants angelically reverberate in your skull. And then, suddenly and all at once, “Two.”

Jack’s pride shows itself in a smirk while he flips you onto your back. He makes a show of hooking your calves over his shoulders, eliciting laughter from the both of you. Resting almost all of his weight on top of you, your knees find your chest and his hands find your hair. The intimacy of it all is almost too much; his thumbs stroke your temples, palms cradle your head, those goddamned puppy-dog eyes bore into you. You turn your head in his grasp to check your timing: five minutes left. 

Jack’s tongue darts out to lick the pads of his fingers before he snakes it down in between the two of you to rub your clit. Your moans come out uncontrollably, your eyelids stutter and he eggs you on, “That’s it, sweetheart. Give me another one.”

Hearty moans are reduced to desperate gasps and you’re unable to verbally acknowledge the third orgasm that rips through you. Nonetheless, Jack can tell from the way your eyes roll into the back of your head and his name tumbles ferociously out of your mouth that you’re cumming. “’Atta girl.”

Jack takes his cock out of you and the whine that escapes your lips embarrasses you. He can’t help but laugh at your whimpering before he scoots down the bed and starts to eat you out again, framing his head with your quaking thighs. You find the strength to check the time, “Jack, there’s only a minute and a half left.”

He moans deeply into you, unaffected by your comment, and eases three fingers into your fluttering center. Like earlier, your hands fly to his hair like a magnet and find purchase so tight it makes your knuckles go pale. In a matter of seconds, circling your clit with his sopping tongue and tapping your g-spot with his deft fingers, Jack has you cumming yet again. This time you yell out the count, “Four!”

The sounds his ministrations make are lewd and exhilarating, pushing himself to his own precipice. You look down your body to find Jack’s other hand jerking his cock and his seed spilling out of him moments later. He groans into your pussy while you pet his hair, praising him for his efforts. 

Simultaneously, you both remember that you’re being timed. Your eyes meet the clock at the same time: 30 seconds. Jack springs from the bed and pulls you up with him, grabbing your discarded panties. He squats and taps your ankles so you lift your legs up, sliding each leg hole over your body and pulling your underwear up underneath your skirt. 

You fumble with his mussed clothes, stuffing his still-hard cock into his boxers, hiking his jeans up over his ass and zip and button them closed. You snake his belt around his waist and let his fingers do the work of buckling it before he picks you up bridal style and ushers you out of the bedroom, grabbing the clock off of the nightstand on your way out. 

Unhinged cackles follow you two down the hallway as you return to the living room. He plops you down in your chair, straightens you out, gives you a kiss on the cheek and then your alarm goes off. You raise your eyebrows at him, “Jeez, you didn’t waste a second.” 

He hums, then mumbles, “You get back to work now, babygirl,” and leaves you with a yearning kiss on the part of your hair.

Both of you return to your respective readings, hopelessly trying to downgrade your panting gasps to normal breaths. The absence of Jack’s warmth is already painful. But you rationalize that the indulgence of the last ten minutes is more than enough to get you through this next hour of studying, if not for longer.

Little do you know that Jack feels the same pain. His ache for your touch, sexual or not, will overtake him later and he’ll be unable to resist the temptation of coming over and distracting you again. Determined to finish your studying, you’ll propose a compromise: you can sit in his lap while he is lulled to sleep by the ambience of the afternoon rain and the enveloping comfort of you. The two of you can try to beat the record of four orgasms next semester. 

💘taglist: @pascalpanic​, @mellowswriting​

[cakesunflower]

a court of golden shadows: elain archeron and azriel endgame

so this is like an 11 page paper i wrote on why i think Elain Archeron and Azriel from Sarah J. Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses are endgame. i made a joke on twitter that i’d write a proper MLA format styled paper on them because i love them so much and a bunch of my moots convinced me to do it so here i am.

this is for the Elriel lovers like myself. if you read it, which you don’t have to, please refrain from commenting anything negative. everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and this whole essay is just my opinion on it. so if you read, i hope you enjoy!!

keep in mind, it’s LONG.

         A Court of Golden Shadows: Elain Archeron and Azriel Endgame

Sarah J. Maas’s fantasy series A Court of Thorns and Roses displays epic, world-shattering love stories among the thrilling action and fantastical elements present throughout the novels, as seen in the romance between Feyre Archeron and Rhysand and, most recently, Nesta Archeron and Cassian. Two sisters have already accepted and embraced the (so-called) rare mating bond with their respective counterparts, yet the question remains on what is to happen with the middle sister, Elain Archeron, who apparently has a mating bond of her own with Lucien Vanserra, but has not, for two books and a novella, made any indication of accepting it. However, Elain, in her quiet, gentle way, has shown to be more attentive towards the Night Court’s resident Shadowsinger and Spymaster, Azriel. Who, in turn, has notably started to move on from a five-century long love harbored for another female and gravitating towards the last remaining Archeron sister.

It can be said that the concept of the three Archeron sisters all ending up with the three Illyrian males is a cliché, but if done right, they can capture the reader in their grasp—one that no one would want to get out of. Taking a look at the novels, particularly starting from the second book, A Court of Mist and Fury, since this is where Azriel’s character is introduced, it is difficult to ignore the fact that Maas has been laying the groundwork for Elain and Azriel—or Elriel, as I will refer to them throughout this paper—to be a couple from the moment they met, whether these hints are subtle or obvious. In chapter 24 of ACOMAF where Feyre, the Illyrian faes, and her sisters have dinner together, we see tentative interactions between Elain and Azriel, despite the two of them having just met and Elain, as a mortal who grew up with stories of the terrors of faeries, seems to look towards the spymaster more. The first glimpse of their interaction, no matter how small, is shown on pages 253-254 when “a faint smile bloomed upon Azriel’s mouth as he noticed Elain’s fingers white-knuckled on that fork”. Though this moment can be overlooked, it is only the first of many oncoming moments of Azriel noticing Elain and her actions, a subtle hint of the spymaster’s attention towards Elain. The focus of attention is returned when Elain then turns to Azriel a few pages later, wanting to know more about their ability to fly, even so far as going to say “That’s very beautiful” when Azriel describes Illyrians as being “born hearing the song of the wind” (256-257). Additionally, there are two moments in this particular chapter where Elain, in some semblance, looks towards Azriel as a way of relaxing herself. The first is noted when Azriel’s attention is said to be on Elain, and he offers her a “polite, bland smile”, and Feyre notices how Elain’s “shoulders loosened a bit” in response to it (256). Rather than looking towards Feyre for indicators during an unexpected dinner with faeries, Elain seems to be more drawn to looking at Azriel, which is shown once again in the following passage: “Rhys chuckled, Cassian’s wrath slipping enough that he grinned, and Elain, noticing Azriel’s ease as proof that things weren’t indeed about to go badly, offered one of her own as well” (258). Elain tends to check everyone’s reactions to the circumstances to determine the levels of tension in the atmosphere, but she truly seems to be put at ease when she notices Azriel’s own relaxed state, once again indicating the attention she pays to him from the moment they met.

The first three books in Maas’s series are told through Feyre’s perspective, so it can be said that our perception of and desire for Elain and Azriel getting together is skewed because of the point of view we are given. I, however, consider this to be a moot point because Feyre’s character is the type to notice everything around her. She comes to grow close to both Azriel and Cassian, and with Elain being her sister, the reader can depend on Feyre as being as much of a reliable narrator to tell us exactly what she sees and how she sees it. With this in mind, some of the examples given will be from Feyre’s own musings, but it is important to note that she, more than once, groups Elain and Azriel together. This is shown when, in chapter 49, Feyre is distracting Rhysand as she tries to take care of his wounds and muses about her sisters visiting Velaris. There, Feyre mentions to Rhysand, “I think Elain—Elain would like it, too. Though she’d probably cling to Azriel, just to have some peace and quiet”, before proceeding to think to herself—and the reader, “I smiled at the thought—at how handsome they would be together” (487). Of course, this observation is followed by the acknowledgement of Azriel quietly loving Mor, as he has for centuries, yet what we don’t know, during this, that this wouldn’t remain an issue for long.

Moving on to focus on the third installment of the series, A Court of Wings and Ruin, there is a solemnity surrounding Elain, who, at the end of the second novel, was forcefully turned into fae against her will. After the transformation, Elain has become a shell of who she used to be, trapped in a state of deep mourning of the humanity she lost, of the love of her fiancé she inevitably lost, too. She doesn’t eat nor does she speak to anyone, an empty yet no less beautiful version of herself as her Cauldron given powers, unbeknownst to everyone else, manifest. But even in her state, in her indifference towards her mate Lucien and yearning for her human fiancé Graysen, Elain managed to acknowledge Azriel. He is gentle with her, much like everyone else, as he carries her into the townhouse, smiles, inquires if she’d like for him to show her the garden. And although he stands tall, intimidating in his fighting leathers and large wings, Elain does not recoil from him in fear or shyness. Instead, she takes the arm he offers her and, although it is unsure if she is looking at his Siphon or his scarred hands, she still utters “Beautiful” in response to him (254). Even when life has unexpectedly turned bleak for Elain, even when the world loses its color in the aftermath of the trauma she suffered, in that moment, there was a glimpse of who she used to be as she found beauty in nothing but Azriel.

This same chapter is followed by an insightful conversation between Feyre and Rhysand, triggered by Feyre watching her sister and Azriel. Feyre notes how at odds Azriel looks sitting in the garden next to Elain in his armor, yet she still questions, “Why not make them mates?” (257). This spurs a significant conversation between the High Lord and High Lady, where readers are given some more history on mating bonds and introduced to the prevailing concept of rejected bonds. Rhys provides examples of ill-chosen bonds, such as his parents, who were mates yet their relationship was not ideal in the least. Here, we are told that sometimes fate, the Mother, whatever chooses two mates can be wrong in its pairings, and it is rare for the bond to bring together “true, paired souls” (258) like Feyre and Rhysand. It has been established that the female can reject the bond, and while the male may feel the tug of it, it’s their burden to push through it. Maas spends an entire page or so talking about the concept of ill-chosen or rejected bonds, so it would be naive to look over these details if they weren’t placed in the storyline for a reason. Elain and Lucien may be mates, and Azriel (at least currently within the book) may be in love with Mor, but the idea of free will is not something to be so easily dismissed. Elain already had the choice of her humanity, her mortality, ripped away from her—it’s doubtful she would let this pattern continue.

In chapter 24 of A Court of Wings and Ruin, when Elain is having her first conversation with Lucien, she states, “No one ever looked—not really” (252), and although here she is referencing Graysen, this statement comes around a few chapters later. In chapter 27, Elain walks in on a conversation amongst the Inner Circle, and Azriel was the first to step forward as he noticed something amiss. His observations and questions when he says to her, “[But] you heard something else” and “What did you see” indicate that he, unlike Feyre and Nesta, believes that Elain’s riddled musings have a deeper meaning and need to be heard. The scene ends with Feyre looking to Azriel, noticing that his “hazel eyes churned as he studied my sister, her too-thin body. And without a word, he winnowed away” (287). Azriel didn’t brush off what Elain said, because while her sisters thought Elain had gone mad, Azriel listened to her—he looked. He looked past her “too-thin body” and read between the lines of what she said, and knew there was more than what meets the eye. He looked, which was exactly what Elain had wanted.

This is repeated in chapter 32, when Elain brings up another queen and no one is quite sure what she’s talking about, except for Azriel, who steps forward and gently prods Elain to elaborate. Even Lucien watches Elain warily, questioning if they need to help her, yet Azriel is firm in his assessment that Elain doesn’t need help, that they need to be the ones who need to listen, before ultimately determining that she does, in fact, have powers and is established to be a seer. So while Lucien “stared and stared at [Elain], as if he’d never seen her before”, it was Azriel who actually looked at her and saw what no one else was seeing, whose acknowledgment of her gift and the attention he brought to it from everyone else “freed her from whatever murky realm she’d been in” (336).

The idea of Azriel truly looking at Elain transitions into him looking for her, too. But first, another example of the former is seen in chapter 63, when Feyre, Nesta, and Amren hear the call of the cauldron in the middle of the night. They wonder about it, question why they three heard it because they were Made, not noticing that another who was Made was missing from their group. That is, until, Azriel asks, “What about Elain?” (560), and he is moving alongside the sisters to inspect Elain’s tent, only to find her missing. Azriel notices Elain—whether she is present or not. And so the concept of Azriel looking for Elain is introduced when they are discussing Elain’s rescue from Hybern in the following scene:

“From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, “I’m getting her back.”

Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows.

Nesta said, “Then you will die.”

Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.”” (563).

There was no hesitation on Azriel’s part in being the one to get Elain back, but there was obvious rage, as noted, in his gaze at the very idea of Elain having been kidnapped. A silent, lethal aura surrounds the shadowsinger that can be so clearly picked out within that scene, showcasing Azriel’s unwavering determination in returning Elain, even if it meant slipping into the heart of enemy camps—especially if it meant that. And throughout the dangers and urgency of this particular mission, when they do reach Elain, Azriel takes a moment to be tender towards her as he “gently removed the gag from her mouth” (573) and asks if she’s hurt. Elain, in turn, is shown to be “devouring the sight of him, as if not quite believing it” before she says “You came for me” (573). Elain looks at Azriel in wonder and disbelief, and this reaction hints towards how she feels drawn towards him. In their very first meeting during the dinner in the Archeron house, Elain looks to Azriel for reassurance, for judgement of the situation, and in the event of her rescue, she finds that same kind of comfort on a far more intense level. Because here, he truly is her rescuer, appearing in front of her to save her from the dangerous hands of their enemies and bring her to safety. And Azriel, in this sense, is devoted to her, holding up his fierce promising of getting her back. Even when he was injured, Azriel held onto Elain, refusing to let her go even while getting shot at and chased, and when they landed in their own camps, the first thing he claimed was for someone to get the chains off of her, rather than even mentioning his own injuries. This just reminds us of ACOMAF when Elain was being dragged to the cauldron and Azriel wasn’t even conscious to witness it—there is no doubt that if he was awake—and uninjured—he would’ve done all he could to save her. Maas robbed us of that type of scene.

Furthermore, evolving from the concept of Azriel rescuing Elain, we get another significant scene between the two of them that displays the kind of trust these two characters smoothly and effortlessly developed. On top of Elain accepting Azriel’s offers of taking her to the garden, a silent indicator that his company was one she enjoyed, Azriel shows a great act of trust to Elain as well when, in chapter 69, he offered her the use of his beloved knife, Truth-Teller. This blade is Azriel’s most prized possession, and to offer it to Elain to bring her the same kind of comfort and safety that we have seen she finds in Azriel himself portrays the trust he has in her—and his desire to protect her. This is emphasized when Rhys tells Feyre, “Never. . . I have never once seen Azriel let another person touch that knife” (610). Even Cassian was stunned that Azriel would let someone else use Truth-Teller, which is significant to note given that he has not let even Cassian nor Rhys—his brothers he has known for centuries—even touch it. And Elain, who had refused to take the knife Cassian had offered her, ends up accepting Truth-Teller—because it’s Azriel’s, and because through the short time she’s known him, he is someone she has poured her trust into and understands he wouldn’t lead her astray. And he didn’t, for it was Elain who “stepped out of a shadow” (653) and used that very same blade to kill the King of Hybern. A temporary gift, given from Azriel, that she used to put an end to one of the greatest threats to both the human and faerie realms.

In the post-war novella A Court of Frost and Starlight, Maas furthers the Elriel endgame agenda by continuing both subtle and blatant hints in their favor—and not just through actual interactions between the two. The concept of Azriel avoiding Lucien because of his mating bond with Elain is important to remember, for it will come back around later. But in this novella, we see it when Rhysand asks Azriel if he keeps an eye on Lucien, given that he is the spymaster. Azriel, in turn, informs him that he does not track his movements, because “He is Elain’s mate” and “It would be an invasion of her privacy to track him”, which Rhysand, since this is shown from his perspective, notes is because Azriel does not want to be aware of if and when Lucien seeks out Elain, and what they do together—if they do anything at all, given Elain’s tendencies to utterly ignore Lucien (70). Rhysand questions Azriel’s motives on this, but doesn’t get a response, but there is an understanding of Azriel’s intentions behind it. Not only does he want to remain ignorant of the forced bond between Elain and Lucien, but a big motivator for him is also Elain’s privacy, which he doesn’t want to intrude on—ironic, given that he is a spy, and it’s his job to know of others’ movements and thoughts.

Another example of Azriel very subtly showing his blossoming feelings towards Elain is when he unforgivingly states that if Lucien were to kill Elain’s ex-fiancé, then “good riddance” (71). He was well aware of how Graysen treated Elain after finding out she was fae, is the one who sits with her in the gardens because he is a comforting presence for her in the face of mourning, so he understands her. This idea is repeated in Azriel’s bonus chapter in A Court of Silver Flames, when Rhysand catches Azriel almost about to kiss Elain—that is definitely to be unpacked later—and warns him that Lucien has the right to invoke a Blood Duel to defend the mating bond, and Azriel does not hesitate, is confident, when he retorts that he would easily defeat Lucien, would have no problem in pulling Elain out of a bond she doesn’t even want.

The novella also includes some more obvious, sweet moments between Elain and Azriel, ones that show Elain’s own growing interest and feelings towards Azriel. Like in chapter 12, when Feyre notes that when Azriel enters the room, she feels Elain freeze at the sight of him, and then Elain proceeds to be almost in a trance when Azriel, after she greets him, moves towards her and takes the heavy dish of potatoes from her hands and says he’ll take care of it for her (105). This scene then continues when Elain hurries off to make herself more presentable, and rather than letting others dive into the food, Azriel stops Cassian from putting food on his plate and all but commands him to “wait until everyone is seated before eating” (106). Rhysand informs Feyre that this sudden reaction from Azriel stemmed from the treatment his mother received as a near servant, but it can also be tied to how Azriel keeps aware of Elain and the recurring theme of looking after her in any way. He notices her, just as she notices him, a subtle way of this being present in Elain’s solstice gift to Azriel. She doesn’t get a gift for Lucien, her mate, but does get one for Azriel, one that makes him laugh in a way that, Feyre notes, she’s never heard before. A genuine sort of joy breaking the cold, indifferent mask of the shadowsinger as he accepts and cherishes the gift Elain gave him—the extent of which we see in his bonus chapter, where it is revealed that he looks at the small vial every night before going to sleep, a not-so-subtle showing that Elain is the last thought on his mind before he descends into slumber.

This notion of the two of them looking after one another in their own ways is again repeated in A Court of Silver Flames in the following passage on page 221:

Azriel smirked. “You and Nesta are wanted down there.”

“Because of the shit with Elain?”

Azriel stilled. “What happened to Elain?”

Cassian waved a hand. “A fight with Nesta. Don’t bring it up,” he warned when Azriel’s eyes darkened.

Throughout the friendship they have formed, Azriel becomes a kind of protector of Elain’s, deriving from her being a part of their Inner Circle as well as the notion of Azriel’s own personal feelings for her. He is so obviously shown as going on the defense at the news of Elain getting into any kind of fight, of Elain potentially being hurt. It’s repeated on page 233 when Elain and Nesta are arguing, and after Nesta utters a nasty comment that lands on Elain like a blow, there is an acknowledgement of the “shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike”. The shadows, of course, are Azriel’s, ready to jump between the sisters and defend Elain from Nesta’s verbal attack, to once again be her protector.

Of course, we can’t forget that Elain has a mate in Lucien, and how it seems to offer the enticing forbidden love trope between her and Azriel. We see a hint of it in A Court of Wings and Ruin, when in chapter 24, Lucien can scent where Elain had gone off to and who she’d gone with, in this case having it be Azriel, and he’d nearly snarled until Rhysand assured him that Azriel wasn’t the “ravishing type” (254)—although I think we can all agree that he most likely is, but wouldn’t even dream of it in terms of the state Elain was in at the time. Maybe it is the mating bond or maybe it’s both Elain and Azriel’s quiet personalities—or perhaps a combination of the two—but the shyness that has them looking at each other and then looking away continues. On page 467 of A Court of Silver Flames, Cassian notes how Elain nods shyly towards Azriel, who in turn offers her a small smile that she quickly looked away from, prompting Cassian to be puzzled as he wondered, “Lucien was certainly not here to snarl at any male who looked at her for too long”. Elain doesn’t look away from Azriel because of the bond, but perhaps because she is well aware of her feelings for him and, for the moment, is too shy for them to be known, especially by Azriel.

The mating bond between Elain and Lucien does serve as a barrier between her and Azriel, though. This is particularly present during the Winter Solstice, when a layer of Azriel’s character specifically has been peeled back to show his feelings for Elain. Like on page 597, when Elain is laughing at Nesta, the older Archeron sister notes that “Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring them. As if he’d heard Elain’s sharp laugh and wondered what had caused it”. And if that wasn’t enough, Nesta watches as Azriel’s “gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly, and she gave him a shallow nod of greeting”. This is perhaps the most prominent moment of both of their feelings being reciprocated by the other, because Nesta notices the way they look at one another, as if they both see past the person they put in front of everyone else and truly see the other. And even Nesta understands that there is something deeper between the two, even if they themselves haven’t figured it out yet, when she approaches Azriel where he stands by the doorway and, when asked why he doesn’t sit, responds with a “pretty lie” of his shadows not liking the fire. But Nesta looks to where Elain is the one sitting by the fire, and why Azriel chooses to stand as far as he can, because it is “his secret to tell. Never hers” (600). Just like that, Nesta is aware of Azriel’s feelings for her sister and, perhaps, her subtle way of comforting him was her showing her approval.

We get a deeper insight of this scene in Azriel’s bonus chapter—an entire chapter that allows readers to see exactly how he feels about Elain, and that she returns those feelings, too. It is confirmed that Azriel stands by the doorway, away from Elain, because Lucien is in the same room, and the sight and scent of their mating bond is one that Azriel cannot stand. Because the female he feels deeply for, according to fate, “belongs” to another male and he needs to put distance between himself and the two of them when they’re in the same room. Yet, the mating bond doesn’t prevent Azriel from thinking of Elain, from fantasizing about her every night. He goes from being shown as relieved when Rhys tells him he doesn’t have to buy the sisters presents for the Winter Solstice in A Court of Frost and Starlight, to actively buying her a beautiful flower necklace that she would no doubt love. Their secret exchanging of gifts leads to an epic, steamy, full-of-yearning almost first kiss that shows so clearly that Azriel’s feelings for Elain aren’t unrequited, that she, just like him, is desperate to give into what’s been brewing between them for so long. Yet it’s all cut short when Rhys interrupts Azriel, reminding him of a mating bond that Azriel’s painfully aware of—and confidently willing to pull Elain away from if Lucien decides to invoke the Blood Duel. Azriel’s questioning of the cauldron, wondering why it picked three sisters and had two of them end up with his brothers while the last remaining one was mated to another, is not him declaring that he has a right to Elain. This is him questioning the powers and forces that no one truly understands, this is him questioning from a place of heartbreak, wondering why, yet again, he was the one left behind. It happened when his father imprisoned him, forcing Azriel to delay in his training as an Illyrian, it happened when the female he spent centuries loving never once returned the same kind of love, and now it’s happening again. Azriel does not believe he deserves Elain—it goes against his character, because he is self-deprecating, does not think he truly deserves anything good and worthy. He is simply questioning why his choice doesn’t ever seem to matter, and why Elain is yet again left having her decisions being taken away from her.

Because the matter of choice is a prevalent, significant theme for the two of them. For Elain, she was never allowed to truly make a choice in her life. Her mother’s death, her family falling into poverty, turning into High Fae, losing Graysen, the mating bond, her father’s death—these were all huge, significant life changing moments that she had no say in and was forced to endure, completely upending who she was and how she lived. But there is one choice Elain can make, and that is to reject the mating bond with Lucien. There are so many examples throughout the books where Elain turns away from Lucien; she doesn’t express any interest in him—it’s like he doesn’t even exist to her. There is utter indifference on her end, despite any effort made by Lucien, and that in itself is Elain choosing to all but formally reject the bond, however that may come about. There is a moment in A Court of Wings and Ruin in chapter 54 when Elain, while pleading with Graysen, claims, “I belong to no one. My heart belongs to you” (498). Of course, Azriel has nothing to do with what Elain was saying at the time, but her declaration of this speaks to her character and how dearly she holds onto the idea of being with someone of her own choosing, with someone she loves. This can further be developed into the idea that although fate, the cauldron, the Mother may have chosen Lucien for Elain—a pairing that can, ultimately, be ill-chosen—Elain would not give it the time of day unless it’s what her heart wants. And from what we have seen so far, her heart wants Azriel. She chooses Azriel over Lucien, and that holds significant weight to her and, I imagine eventually, to Azriel as well.

Azriel, who has not been other people’s choice. Azriel, who was imprisoned by his own father, who was rejected by the Illyrians. Azriel, who has spent five centuries loving Mor, who will never love him the way he did her. And it’s saying something, isn’t it, that he has finally stopped yearning for her, and that it was Elain who he is enraptured by? Even Cassian noted that the way Azriel used to look at Mor have become few and far in between, telling the audience that the spymaster has finally begun to move on, or already has, from Mor. And Elain wanting to kiss Azriel confirms to him, in particular, that he is her choice as well. And she is his, as further confirmed when Azriel tells Rhys he has no problem engaging in the Blood Duel with Lucien if it means freeing Elain from a bond she doesn’t want, and allowing them both to dive into the choices they clearly want to make.

Truthfully, there are many examples throughout the books where I can talk about Elain rejecting Lucien. She cringed away from the very first time he touches her in ACOMAF—though, granted, it happens right after she comes out of the cauldron. She is unsettled when Lucien tugs on their bond, saying that it felt as though he pulled on a thread connecting to a rib, which sounds painful and nothing like the comforting bond readers have seen between Feyre and Rhys. Elain doesn’t buy Lucien any presents for solstice, and the first present he got her, gardening gloves to prevent her hands from tearing, are ones she doesn’t use. Because she would much rather feel her hands get torn up while she’s working in her garden, uncaring if they scar, which in turn is a reminder of Azriel’s scarred hands and how she found them beautiful. And for those who wonder about Azriel giving the necklace he got for Elain to Gwyn, it is important to note that he tells Clotho to give it to any priestess who would want it, and merely mentions Gwyn by name because he trained her, because he was the one who rescued her after an attack, and she is the one he knows most familiarly by name because of it. At the end of it, Azriel only wanted the necklace gone because he didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to remember that the female he wants, wants him back just as much, but he was all but forbidden to pursue her. Once again, a choice that was taken away from him, and giving the necklace away is far easier than keeping it and remembering how he couldn’t be with Elain. At least for now.

Throughout the novels, there are many symbols that hint towards Elain and Azriel being together, but that is a paper for another day. This one’s goal was to simply point out the many physical and emotional indicators of the way the two of them are drawn to one another, despite the obstacles that are thrown their way—the biggest one being the mating bond no one asked for. There is comfort in the relationship they have, an ease you wouldn’t expect someone with Elain’s light to find in Azriel’s darkness. He offers her comfort in shy smiles and soft looks, and Elain does the same for him, which we see in the act of his shadows disappearing around her. These very shadows provided him comfort when he needed them, were his friends in his prison, and them leaving him when Elain is around is a sign of the contentment Azriel feels, because he doesn’t have to protect himself in her presence. Azriel loved Mor, and it has been noted that he lights up when she is around, and Elain is the only other person he reacts similarly to—because Elain is who he wants now that he has moved on from Mor. It’s important, isn’t it, that Elain is who pulls Azriel away from the centuries-long love he’d been lost in? That she is who he looks for, thinks about, wonders after?

Elain has found comfort in Azriel’s darkness, and he has found peace in her light, and so how could they not defy what’s been expected of them and rewrite fate to fit the choices they make themselves?

[20thcentury-kylo]

Hidden On The High-rise

(This is Chapter 2 of my Housamo Kingdom AU series)

[Chapter 1]

I really enjoyed getting back into writing, I hope you guys enjoy this one~ :3

The sun rises in tandem with the call of waking sparrows. A gentle breeze rouses the chef’s apprentice from his slumber. Ryota stalls a bit, sleepily gazing out at the morning landscape. However he promptly shakes away said drowsiness with excitement as he realizes the day is finally here.

“His majesty’s birthday~” Ryota quickly grabs a small notebook from his desk. And darts out to make preparations for such a special occasion..

``----``

“Prince Kiome, heir to King Monobe of the Shinjuku Kingdom~ reaches 19 years of age on this day June 13th!”

The message is echoed all throughout the kingdom as it is every year- yet it never fails to make the prince himself nervous. Staring into his gold embroidered mirror Kiome adjusts his silver sash one last time. There’d be plenty of diplomats coming to see him- to wish him a happy birthday, yet Kiome couldn't fathom why they would bother. Disregarding his status as a prince- it was simply another day nothing more. Still every year his father held grand, and at times outlandish festivities in his son's honor- it was his way of showing how much he cared. With that in mind the prince decided he didn't mind it as much. Looking out of his window to the kingdom below, he couldn't help but wonder.

‘Still…’ He mused to himself, there was someone he’d like to see today. Blushing faintly at the thought of the apprentice chef- no doubt busying himself with preparations for today. Kiome hoped he’d have the chance to see him before the day's end. Taking a last glance at the mirror to adjust the silver crown atop his head- the prince steels himself for the day ahead, leaving his chambers to greet the castle staff.

As he anticipated, his path to the throne room was littered with bows, and happy birthday wishes from court, and staff members alike. The throne room was no different- quite a gathering appeared before him offering praise and gifts the like. Kiome laughed nervously trying to graciously accept all of these kind offerings. The prince was given a moment of reprieve when his father entered from the door adjacent to him, momentarily redirecting the crowd's attention.

“There you are~ I was wondering when you’d stop lazing about in your room!” The King jested- quickly making his way beside his son. Kiome rolls his eyes at the comment yet smiles nonetheless.

“Happy birthday my dear boy~” King Monobe lifts him into a warm, and slightly crushing embrace. Kiome returns the gesture as best he can through his fathers ridiculous strength.

“Thanks Pa’~” The prince responds, catching his breath after being put down.

“I hope you’re ready for today- there are some real showstoppers here this year!” His fathers excited tone doesn’t reflect on Kiome’s expression, but he doesn’t have the heart to say anything- he knows the king means well.

“Well how about we start off small, maybe a tour through the castle town first?” Kiome inquires, hoping to delay the inevitable if only for a while. The king ponders for a moment before agreeing- on the condition that he be back by the afternoon. He sighs in relief, having bought himself some time before he was absolutely swamped with guests. After a promise to return and a quick goodbye, the prince sets out to enjoy the town's festivities- and maybe look for a certain someone.

—

Cake decorating had always been a specialty of his- but this time Ryota had truly outdone himself. The cascading chocolate crème filling each layer as detailed roses sat along its ventral surface. It was his masterpiece, the perfect gift for the prince on his birthday. Ryota can’t help but feel nervous, and giddy at the same time at the idea of giving it to him, maybe even having him try a slice. Shaking those thoughts away- Ryota refocuses on putting the finishing touches on his work.

“Gotta focus-” Taking a step back, the baker contemplates what the cake itself is missing. Reaching for the back pantry he intends to line the top with a few more chocolate morsels before adding any non edible dressings. Unfortunately he comes back empty handed, having used all he had for the cake batter itself.

“Hmm, it's not too late- there may still be some time, '' Ryota mutters to himself. If he could get to one of the local stores before the festival rush he’d be able to get what he needed. Giving himself a quick wash- the apprentice dons his trusty satchel as he heads into town.

When he arrives the main alley is already bustling with towns folk, celebrating about. The street tops are accessorized with silver, and gold trimmings adorned with the royal family crest. Vendor carts, and stands line the streets edge with exotic treats and themed trinkets. Taking a breath Ryota steels himself, tightening his grip on his satchel before wading through the massive crowd to one of the import stores along the sidewalk. The redhead figured most would be closed for the occasion yet kept hope as he searched the alley. Along the way a joyous chorus starts from the central band, and a crowd begins to form in the town square.

—

Walking through the castle gates, Kiome is immediately greeted by the colorful sights of a decorated city. Even the trolley lines were dressed with silver, and gold patterned cloth. It was truly a sight to marvel at. Thankfully the townspeople don’t notice the prince immediately, allowing him time to wander about the various stands, and activities. The smell of sweet fried dough, the sight of mini lanterns, and paper aircrafts flying through the air- the atmosphere was perfect to get lost in.

Kiome settled himself into one of the vendor stand lines, wanting to try one of the fried delicacies- funnel cake he heard them call it. Looking around into the almost massive crowd the prince catches a glimpse of a familiar shade of red- darting off in the distance. It immediately has his full attention as he looks around further to confirm who he thinks he saw. The prince is so focused that he doesn't hear the vendor call for the next person. He spots it again- that flash of red just beyond the crowd- seemingly in a hurry. Kiome’s almost inclined to chase after him but is interrupted.

“I-is that you your majesty??” The questioning tone of the stand vendor soon becomes one of excitement as Kiome is finally recognized. Immediately the poor prince is completely swarmed by the crowds- converging all to his location. Even as he maneuvers his way to the town square, he can’t escape. The central band begins another piece, and the music blaring along with the surrounding crowd overwhelms him as he tries to put on a happy front. In an attempt to get some breathing room Kiome climbs atop the band's stage, thankful that the band seemed sympathetic to his cause. From there he surveys the square once again- seeing no sign of the royal chef's apprentice. His mood dampens slightly, yet still the prince makes the best of the situation taking the time to answer the calls of the townspeople below.

“Why- y-yes thank you, i appreciate it all thank you~”

—

It passed about early evening when Ryota finished his work- the cake was now adorned with 4 chocolate morsels atop the roses, a dark chocolate bar, and puffed wafer for good measure. Sprinkling a few chips atop as a finishing touch the baker took a moment to admire his work. Placing it carefully in its crystal container, Ryota excitedly changes his clothes to something less covered in flour- donning his best royal coat. Leaving the kitchens once again as the sun began to set. The once bustling festival of mid day had calmed with a more serene atmosphere as older couples and wayward travelers walked the alleyway.

The redhead makes a beeline to the castle's front courtyard where most of the crowd migrated to release lanterns for the prince's birthday- a lot of them were still setting up, finding good spots to sit and watch the impending show. He hadn't seen the prince there so he headed in further, entering the castle itself. Oddly enough it seemed far too quiet for what he expected. Ryota’s pace slows as he travels the halls, making his way to the throne room where he assumed the prince to be. However what awaited him once he got there was a room full of consorts and royal court staff yet no prince in sight.

“Still no sight of him eh?” The king inquired of his adviser Toji. From hearing that the prince had disappeared he began to worry. Ryota hadn’t seen him yet, and he didn’t want to miss his chance.

“Ah- Ryota good timing, it appears my son has hidden himself away somewhere on the castle grounds- please accompany the others to search for him, I don’t want him to miss his own lanterns release.” King Monobe directed. The apprentice nods in confusion following some of the maids out of a side hall. He was stuck, the boy had no idea where the prince could be at a time like this, surely he wouldn't want to miss his own celebrations.

“I hope this year's celebration wasn't too much for him..”

“I wouldn’t be surprised he’s never been one to seek attention like this, despite his lineage..”

Hearing the whispers of the maids gave Ryota the perfect idea of where to look. He knew exactly where the prince would be, especially at a time like this. Offering a short excuse to split up, the chef's apprentice quickly makes his way to castles west bell tower- bounding up the steps to the ringing station. Once there he follows the path down the trap door leading to the castle's high rise- connecting both wings from above. There he finds the prince sitting alone with a bottle of ale, gazing upon the front courtyard… noticeably exhausted.

“I suppose there wouldn’t be any room for company~” The redhead's words startle Kiome from his thoughts- he turns to see who it is, his expression brightening once he recognizes the familiar face. Suddenly the royal is self conscious of how he looks, his crown is disheveled, and his sash wrinkled- it doesn't help that he’s been drinking.

“It’s okay- I could use some right now.” He responds with an uncharacteristic shyness. Ryota takes a seat next to the prince, letting his legs dangle over the high rises edge. The two are quiet for a while, letting the gentle summer breeze fill the silence. Kiome isn’t sure at all what to say in the moment, thankfully the boy beside him does.

“H-happy birthday!” Kiome is greeted at the sight of what he can only describe as a work of art. Gazing excitedly at the gift now in his hands, he points to himself dumbly as if he’s unsure if the cake is for him.

“Wow it's.. It's beautiful…” The words kindness render Ryota red in the face and unable to look him in the eyes. It looks so well composed that Kiome is hesitant to open it at first.

“Well go on, try it~” The prince is handed a fork, and wastes no time in cutting through the velvety dessert. Kiome takes a piece- sliding it thoughtfully into his mouth, letting the burst of chocolate spread through his taste buds. His eyes close as he savors the sweet, rich flavors of the cake, sighing in content when he finishes.

“This is amazing!! How’d you make somethin’ like this~” The princes comment leaves Ryota blushing even more as he tries to be modest about it.

“Oh c’mon it's not that good.” He’s screaming on the inside but he wouldn’t dare let it slip.

“Oh really? Then how about you try it and see for yourself, as far as i can tell this might just be the best cake I've ever tasted..” The prince responds with flattery, taking another piece and holding it up to the redhead's mouth.

“W-what!? N-no I couldn’t, it’s supposed to be for you y’know…”He trails off, seemingly losing his confidence. All this does is spur the prince on further- Kiome scoots closer to him waving the dessert in front of the chef's apprentice teasingly.

“Just one bite, I promise you’ll love it~” And like that the redhead gives in, allowing the prince to feed him the sweet confection in one fluid motion. Ryota would be lying if he said he didn’t love it, the creaminess of the filling, and the spongy texture meshed perfectly- he couldn’t hide the smile that snuck onto his features.

“Told ya~” Kiome chided with a smirk. He further convinced the baker to share the cake with him as they sat atop the high-rise, the sun setting in front of them in purplish red hues. Pretty soon dusk had fallen and with that the lanterns were released into the night sky. They were of all kinds of shapes, and as they passed the two it was if the stars were rising into the night. Their gazes followed them as the breeze carried them westward. Then amidst the lanterns rising Ryota noticed even more glimmers in the stars.

“Look! It’s a meteor shower~” The boy exclaimed. The sky littered with lanterns and streaking lights seemed to be nothing short of perfect. The prince responds with a nod as he looks up, not so subtly taking Ryota’s hand into his. It wasn’t as if he minded though…..

Fin~

As always comments & reviews are always appreciated-

Till next time~

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things-A New Home

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

a/n: this is a repost considering it didn’t show up in any of the tags yesterday. have i mentioned how much i despise tumblr sometimes :) again, i want to give a special shoutout to @avengersbau for giving me a second set of eyes on this one.

word count: 2k

warnings: canon-typical violence and descriptions of injury.

The Purest Things Masterlist

gif is not mine! credit goes to @hqtchner

au! october 2007

Bookend: “It’s never too late to become who you want to be. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald

++++

"I am SSA Hotchner. Welcome to the team Agent Y/L/N," his voice reminds you of the transatlantic accents of Hollywood stars of old. The kind you used to hear in the old black and white movies you would watch as a child.

"It's an honor to be here sir," you stare directly into his brown, soulfully deep eyes.

"J.J., get us started, please," SSA Hotchner suggests.

Sitting down, you look to the screen that displays the frightful footage of bombs detonating in various locations.

"Yesterday, an 81-year-old woman was severely injured when a bomb exploded in the toilet of a women's restroom," J.J. informs.

"Interesting spot to hide a bomb," Agent Prentiss sneers.

Jennifer flips through the slides and shows another bombsight located in a subway station, "Last year a similar bomb that had been attached to a phone box detonated. No outstanding injuries were reported. However, the bombs' similar makeup alerted detectives to dig into other bombings throughout the years. They have positively identified attacks over the past twelve years as perpetrated by the same bomber."

Spencer adds, "His M.O. is similar to George Peter Metesky, better known as the Mad Bomber. He terrorized New York City over a period of 16 years. He planted bombs in theaters, subway stations, libraries, and offices. They were left in phone booths, storage lockers and restrooms."

"Do you think we are looking at a copycat?" Derek questions.

"If we are, we need to stop him soon," declared David.

"He's escalating-becoming bolder and more vicious," you say, scanning the report.

"Tell Boston we can be there by 9:30," Hotch notifies J.J...

++++

"It seems like he's a textbook paranoid schizophrenic. People suffering from this disorder may think that other people are regulating them or plotting against them. They tend to be reclusive, antisocial, and obsessed Hwith hatred for their presumed enemies," you twist a loose string from your shirt around your finger, unwind it, then repeat the process.

It's a nervous tick you developed over the years that has worn down numerous tops before achieving their intended lifespan. You glance at Agent Hotchner, seeking a sign of approval. His eyes meet yours, and he poignantly nods.

Did I say too much? No. Don’t overthink this. They can probably smell fear.

"In his letters left at the bombsights, he uses words like 'broad' and 'chick' to signify women," Dr. Reid chimes in.

"Do you think the unsub is motivated by hostility towards women? "

"It's possible," he continues, "These speech patterns age him significantly, however. Phrases such as these were mainly used in the 30's, 40's, and 50's."

Agent Hotchner begins to delegate tasks before the jet lands, "Morgan and Reid, I want you to head to the bombsights and see if you can't work out the motive. J.J. and Prentiss talk to the victim's families, determine our victimology. Y/L/N, Rossi, and I will head to the precinct and familiarize ourselves with the lay of the land and see if we can't formulate a geographical profile."

++++

At the precinct, you observe Agent Hotchner's ability to singlehandedly transition an entire police force's obligation to under his jurisdiction.

"Captain Moreno, this is SSA David Rossi and SSA Y/F/N Y/L/N," the Unit Chief introduces you.

The captain tilts his head at you, "Aren't you a little young to be in the FBI? How old are you anyway?"

You nail him with a you're-full-of-crap look. 

Everyone gets to be young once; your turn is over, old man.

Choosing to take the high road, you say, "I'd like to get my hands on the bombers handwritten notes. There has to be something in those letters that can give us a clue into the who, what, when, and where of this case."

Skeptical of your request, he narrows his eyes and looks to David and Agent Hotchner.

"You hear her," Dave exclaims, "Lead the way!"

Your enigmatic smirk no doubt gives away the great pleasure Dave's gibe brings you.

++++

"Agent Hotchner," you hand him your preliminary geographical profile. With his arms crossed, he intimidatingly peers into your research.

Don't burn a hole in my paperwork; I worked hard on that.

He is impressed by your work, taking in your comprehensive outline of proof that details the unsubs point of origin. For someone so young, your attention to detail puts even his most observant profilers to shame. "How did you come to this conclusion?"

"My family is from Chicago. When I was little, I used to read through my grandfather's old newspapers that he collected throughout the 1950's. On the jet, I knew some of the phrasings that Dr. Reid was using sounded familiar, so I cross-referenced it with some of the particular articles I remember from my childhood and found his wording to be exact iterations of the Chicago Crier."

Without taking his eyes off of the paperwork, he commends you, "Impressive use of your prior knowledge. Often, the information drilled into us through education is lackluster compared to that of real-world experience."

You turn to walk back to your makeshift desk when he calls out to you, "And Y/L/N, call me Hotch."

Your shoulders relax from the tension you hadn't even realized you'd been clinging onto, "Alright. Hotch."

++++

You immediately regretted your decision. In pursuit of the unsub, you had wandered off down an abandoned subway tunnel and cornered him.

"Harold Watts, FBI. Gently place the remote detonator on the ground," You shout. Grappling to keep your gun from slipping between your clammy palms, you grip the weapon tighter.

Ordinary people's first days of work are uneventful; they're given a series of mundane tasks at most. Me? Of course, my first day involves being secluded in a subway tunnel facing down a man decked from head to toe in explosives and wires.

"D-don't come any closer. I have my finger on the trigger! I'm not afraid to die, and I will not hesitate to take you up in flames with me," he stammers.

The stampede of footsteps, no doubt from your colleagues and half of the Boston police force, resonate through the echo chamber you're standing in. Watts spooks and loses his balance. You begin shouting for the people behind you to stand down.

"The tracks are live, one wrong step, and we all blow up. I repeat, stand down!"

Turning your attention back to Watts, you attempt to soothe his irrationality. You slowly return your gun to its holster, raising your hands up in surrender. Hotch yells something unintelligible from behind you, but your focus is on the unsub and trying to prevent any more casualties.

"Harold, let's just talk this through for a couple of minutes. My men behind me will leave us alone. It's you and me now. Before this, you never wanted to hurt yourself. You wanted to be heard. All of your life you felt like you were forced into the shadows, and you began to fester there in your pain and rage."

He tenses up; you have his attention now.

"Those girls who teased you and ripped your masculinity from you needed to be taught a lesson. But you didn't just stop there; you decided to do all women a favor and demonstrate to them the kind of pain they could cause, hoping to prevent them from making the same mistakes. In fact, you helped me to see what I can do better. I never want to make someone feel the way you did."

"Y-you learned that...f-from me?" Harold quietly sobs.

You nod, "Yes! Yes, Harold. And you can still be heard, but not if you die today. I could be your greatest advocate. If we walk out of here right now, think of how famous you could be. Harold, you will never be stuck in the shadows again."

It is crucial to your survival and your teams that you are brave just long enough to analyze the situation and keep your self-control. Panic won't do anyone any good right now.

Your mouth dries as you await Harold's next move. Suddenly, he hunches over, extending the hand gripping the detonator. Pausing for a moment to be sure he isn't making any drastic moves, you promptly hurry to his side and gently pull it from his clutch.

As the police officers and your colleagues rush to your aid, Harold looks up at you with hopeful eyes.

"Make me famous," he murmurs with a grin that churns your stomach.

Hotch ushers you away from the unsub, backing you up against the wall of the tunnel, "You actively defied my orders."

Searching every inch of his face for an accurate reading of his emotions, you are unsure of how to respond.

"I'd like to think it won't happen again," his eyes studying you just as intently.

You swallow hard, aware of the lump in your throat and take a deep breath, "You have my word, Agent Hotchner."

"Good," he affirms, eventually freeing his hold on your arm.

You let out a shaky sigh of relief and relax your spinning head against the wall.

Opening your eyes, you observe your new team tieing up all loose ends. They're safe. You are safe. Despite this first day not being as mundane as others, you wouldn't have it any other way. This feeling is what you signed up for, and it's already fulfilling you in ways you couldn't fathom before stepping inside the BAU office this morning.

++++

Aboard the jet, you tuck your legs underneath you and open up a book to read.

A cup of steaming hot coffee appears on the table in front of you.

Hotch sits across from you with a similar cup and offers you a subtle smile, "Impressive work out there today. I'm sorry your first day of work couldn't be more eventful."

A joke? I didn't take him as the joking kind.

Rolling your eyes, you put on a disappointed tone, "God...if you guys drag your feet like this every day, I might have to consider a transfer."

In a more serious nature, he asks, "How are you feeling?"

"Alright, I guess. You were right, you know, no amount of studying or lectures can truly prepare you for what it's like when you're staring into the eyes of a killer. I've learned the negotiation techniques and memorized the textbook 'put the gun down' speech, but all of that flies out the window when you're in the moment."

"You will find that improvisation at times is the key to success in this job. Just know that this team is a family. You will never face this alone or be at a loss for anything. Your career is in its infancy, but I can tell you have a long and triumphant journey ahead of you. We will do whatever we can to ensure that you are at home here and can use this team as an opportunity to refine your abilities. All I ask in return is that you work with us, not against us. You have nothing to prove. They see your resourcefulness. So do I. You are one of us now."

Some gazes are the promise of protection; his is all that and more. The words "at home" resonate in your mind. You've spent your whole life searching for a home, and here it is, its doors being opened to you. After a lifetime of running from place to place, perhaps this is where you can finally settle down.

"Get some rest," Hotch whispers to you. And with that, you lean your head against the chilled window and shut your eyes.

++++

Tag List 🏷

@chellybear98​ @destiny-tsukino​ @wanniiieeee​ @sweetiecake180 @vampiracontessa @weexinling​ @spaghetti-dad187 @hothskies @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @mac99martin​ @clairedragonessbaker @cecemariee7302​ @halloweenwithreid @megans-txmblr @theoldestguard @purpledragonturtles​ @chazubagi @frogrrylovebot @agentaaronhotass​ @obsssedwithjustaboutanything @mcntsee @ssagube @softhetixx @kenzies-mr-j @peachyotps @cat11-2 @prettylittlemoonlight @ravenmoore14 @gubs-boobs @spencerreidsoulmate @totalmess191 @hopelesslylosttheway @britishspidey @kyliesalvatore

[marvels-writings]

Nostalgia before War

Wanda Maximoff (Scarlet Witch) Masterlist

Series Masterlist

| Preview | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 |

A/N: This series will hopefuly have regular updates now, sorry for the delay with this one. this is like a fluffy break before the angst in the next parts

The comforting nostalgia of your room surrounded you, your fingers playing with Wanda's in silence. She didn't say anything, wanting to stay in the quiet you'd created just for yourselves. But a knock sounded at the door anyway, interrupting the silence.

"Coming?" Natasha asked, opening the door and giving both of you a small smile. You gave her a tight smile and nodded, getting off your bed. Wanda followed your motions, at your heels as you followed your mom out of the room.

Your hand slipped from hers as you walked towards the elevator. The silence blanketing you wasn't one of comfort, it was rather of awkwardness. The sarcastic quips and the small talk from Natasha weren't there, rather just the sound of your footsteps.

Hesitantly, you slipped your hand into hers, trying to provide whatever comfort you could. The tension left her shoulders as she shot you a quick smile. Holding her hand was something you did whenever you were nervous, or scared, now it seemed like you were the one comforting her.

Her hand slipped from yours as you walked outside, refusing to show any vulnerability to the rest of the team. A small sigh left your lips at the action, smiling at them while walking into the room. Your smile wasn't returned by anyone, a grim silence surrounding the rest of the room.

Frowning, you made your way into the kitchen, seeing as it was the only empty spot in the otherwise full room. The rest of them stood in their chosen spots, looking around nervously. They watched as Wanda followed you, taking your hand nervously while standing behind the counter. . A secret hung over them, daring to be spilled by any of them.

"Is there a plan?" You asked, breaking the silence in the room. Steve nodded near the far end, sighing and nodding for Vision to speak. He hesitated, moving towards both of you in the kitchen. Setting his hands on the countertop, he let the silence linger for another moment before revealing the secret they were all keeping.

"We're going to take out the stone."

"What?" You snapped, your eyebrows furrowing together. Wanda squeezed your hand gently before moving her thumb in a calming motion across your hand. You bit your lip tightly, waiting for her to speak before your anger got the best of you.

"You didn't let me finish," Vision said, fidgeting a little. "Dr. Banner is going to be operating Wakanda."

Wanda squeezed your hand again before you could speak. Your head snapped to face her, seeing the worry written clearly across her face. She wasn't looking at you, rather staring at Vision curiously. The muscle in her jaw tensed, she bit her lip tightly.

"What's in Wakanda?" She asked, her voice constrained, as if she wanted to ask more questions but held them to herself. The vision opened his mouth to speak, but found himself at a loss for words, turning around to Bruce to explain for him.

"The tools I need to take out the mind stone." He began, toying with his ripped sleeves. "And keep Vision alive."

You turned to face Wanda, watching her clench her jaw tightly. Fear showed plainly on her face, her wide eyes, her pursed lips, how tightly she was squeezing your hand. But she nodded, almost as if she was giving her approval for this to happen.

The rest of the team nodded in response, moving towards the exit and the jet. Natasha gave you and Wanda a nervous look. You tried to give her a reassuring smile even though you didn't know what was going to happen.

"Let's move," Steve announced, leading you towards the jet.

The air in the jet was almost suffocating with silence. The team littered throughout it, almost brooding as they stared at the grounds. All of them knew of the fight to come, but none were brave enough to talk about it. Wanda on the other hand had tried to talk to Vision about all of this, about losing the infinity stone.

The android didn't make matters better, telling her that she would have to destroy the infinity stone, even if they didn't get it out in time. It made her all the more upset as she toyed with your fingers in a different corner of the jet.

You racked your brain for something to say, to start the most simple conversation. Nothing came up, some lame jokes came to mind but you doubted now was the time for them. Looking around, you tried to remember something funny enough or important enough to talk about that happened.

A grin quickly covered your face when you remembered the perfect thing.

"Hey, Wands." You called, bringing her attention up to you. She stopped playing with your fingers, all of her focus on what you were about to say.

"I think this is the same jet where you kissed me for the first time." You whispered, grinning even wider when her face turned a light pink at the memory. She hid her face into your shoulder, recalling the incident with far too much detail.

"Y/n," Wanda whined, slightly muffled by your shirt. Despite her upset antics, you could almost feel her smiling into your shoulder. The memory wasn't a sad one, rather an embarrassing one for the witch nestled in your shoulder. The grin never left your face as you recalled it, turning to whisper in her ear.

"I can't believe you were so scared of my mom." You whispered, your hand winding out of hers to rest on her waist. Her other hand still found yours, twisting the rings on your fingers. She mumbled for you to stop, but had no intention of making you do so.

"You can't blame me," She murmured into your shoulder, recalling the incident. You really couldn't blame her, you knew your mom could be intimidating and often even scary when she wanted to. You don't blame either of them for the incident, but you could still find it hilarious.

"I can't," You whispered, kissing the top of her hairline. "But it was hilarious."

A grin covered Wanda's face as you recalled the entire incident. Everything from the glares Natasha shot at Wanda in the jet, to the pink blush of her cheeks. It had been just after your first date with her, neither of you was brave enough to tell Natasha yet. She knew you were (your sexuality), but dating was still something new to tell her.

But she was a spy, she found out and tried to confront you in the jet. Which had just happened to be where you were kissing Wanda for the first time. The next events went by rather quickly, Wanda sprinting out of the jet, her face as red as a tomato.

Wanda didn't know how much you'd laughed with your mom after she left. She didn't know about the conversation you'd had with your mom either. The conversation about Natasha being skeptical about Wanda and almost trying to get you not to date her.

You'd never told Wanda that you'd defended her in front of your mother. Natasha was being protective over you, even more so since the witch had fought against them, against her before. She still got nightmares of what Wanda had shown her.

But she'd given her a chance, eventually finding herself smiling whenever you were with Wanda. She saw the way you cared for each other, and it was everything she'd hoped for you. Even now, there was a small smile on her face as she watched you whisper to Wanda as she cuddled into your side.

The corner you held to yourselves in the jet was like a small universe you'd created for yourselves. Where the rest of the team, the trip to Wakanda, the battle ahead, none of it existed. For those few moments, it was just the two of you that mattered.

But like all things, it would end.

The battle would have to be fought, but none of you could tell what was coming.

A/N: You really don't know what's coming ;)

Tag List: @capcarolsdanver, @versdan, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught, @lovebotlarson, @dhengkt, @hstoria, @natasha-danvers, @veryfunnyal, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx , @ophelias-heart , @never-didbefore , @justarandomhumanhere, @the-most-unicorn-of-them-all , @thatssocamryn , @lesbian-x-blackwidow , @wlw-imaginesss , @username23345 , @ohfuckno , @hcartbyheart​ , @summergeezburr , @imnotasuperhero ​ , @redknight9 , @izalesbean , @anni323 , @a-stressedstudent , @aaron-despair , @rooskaya-yelena , @dynnealberto , @thewitchandtheassassin , @izalesbean , @higherfurther-romanova , @thewidowsghost , @trikruismybitch , @natalia-quinzel , @blackxwidowsxwife , @studies-styles , @procrastinatingsapphictrash , @simpin4ajbby , @mmmmokdok , @ladyeliot let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

[pilothusband]

Abducted Amphora

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Marcus Pike x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol (not to an excess), food mention (they eat pizza), non-explicit tension, mentions of stealing shit, hints at a boss/employee relationship so there’s a slight power balance there, age gap that isn’t mentioned (he has years of service and she’s almost brand new)

Word count: 1,972

Author’s note: Written for @autumnleaves1991-blog Writer Wednesday! Lightly edited, unbeta’d. This one is pretty tame compared to my other works. Thinking about turning it into a snapshot series. Let me know what you think!

A smattering of footsteps clatter throughout the courtyard, echoing off the old walls that surround you. Sprawling greens adorn almost every inch of the balcony, reaching out to an impossibly blue pool situated in the middle. You can’t help but gawk as you walk through the museum, trailing your boss by a few paces who is currently following the curator, a middle-aged woman with bouncy curls and a wardrobe to die for.

A few minutes prior, she had introduced herself as Vanessa Harrington, given a firm handshake to the two of you, and hastily made her way to the exhibit where an expensive piece of artwork was stolen.

“What’s weird is, this isn’t even the most expensive piece the museum owns,” she says, glancing backwards and waving her hands. How she manages to walk briskly in stiletto heels without looking forwards is a mystery to you. 

The stolen piece is a Panathenaic amphora from Hellenistic era Greece. It was most likely used to fill with olive oil to give to Olympic champions. Not to say it isn’t valuable, but it had sat nondescript amongst bright and flashy paintings that were incredibly rare and sought after.

“And the security cameras were disabled prior to the theft?” Your boss, Marcus Pike asks, scribbling in his notepad. Vanessa nods in confirmation. “Then they were enabled right after, as if the thieves knew how to hack into the system.”

“Either they knew how to hack into the security system or they had enough insider knowledge to disable it,” you voice your thoughts, not even aware that you were speaking out loud.

Marcus looks over to you, his warm brown eyes flicking over your face in acknowledgement.

Every time his eyes meet yours, you feel yourself freeze up for a moment. No matter that you’ve been working with him for nearly a year, it’s as if time stops every time you look at him. His jaw, square and strong, along with his soft brown eyes that give away to his emotions at any moment. His broad shoulders always manage to get your pulse going, along with his small waist, showcased by the form-fitting button downs he wore under his suit coat.

“We’re going to need all information regarding museum personnel, as well as any vendors that drop by regularly,” Marcus shifts his attention over to Vanessa, who nods decisively.

“Absolutely. I have that all on my office desktop and can get that to you ASAP.”

Vanessa doles out more details for a few minutes and Marcus jots them down– in his unreadable handwriting no doubt– and then Vanessa bids you adieu and spins on her heel to her office, giving you two free rein over the museum.

There isn’t anymore DNA evidence to go over. The local police already had their personnel collect it days prior and the scene was spotless once you arrived. The thieves had been meticulous in leaving as little evidence as possible. The only fingerprints found were already processed and pending a match. They were most likely from an employee, and there’s a good chance it was just normal prints left behind from dusting priceless artwork.

Once Vanessa is out of the room, Marcus turns and places a big hand on your bicep.

“Good job back there, agent.” He flashes an easy grin. Marcus is an incredible boss. He’s driven, observant, kind, and knows when he has to make the tough calls. He’s a natural-born leader. You haven’t been with the bureau for long, being a junior agent among a team of seasoned professionals, but comparing him to other supervisory agents you have met, he’s warm and kind, always making sure his team is in good shape. He’s the kind of guy who’s prepared for anything, whether it be backup for a shootout with an unsub or someone in the room needs a pen before a staff meeting.

You can’t help but feel flushed at his praise. Despite Marcus’ easygoing nature and his openness with the team, he always seems to keep you at an arms’ length. It was getting to the point where you were wondering if he was regretting hiring you in the first place. Marcus often rotates the team when it comes to working directly with him on cases, and you have only worked directly with him once– your first ever case. 

Initially you’re convinced you fucked up so badly that he didn’t want to pair up with you afterwards, but then the case report made its way back to your desk and your evaluation was normal, good even.

“Thank you,” you reply, ducking your face down to hide the growing heat licking its way up your face.

“Let’s grab some lunch, get those files from Mrs. Harringon and start digging.”

You nod in agreement and turn, walking towards the exit. You don’t notice the subtle movement, but Marcus trails you, arm raised as if he’s about to touch your waist, but pauses halfway through and scratches at his chin.

Later on that night, you’re holed up in Marcus’ hotel room, hunched over your laptop reading up on all of the museum employees. Marcus took on the task of reading over vendor files, his shoulders set much straighter.

Your back is screaming at you and your eyes are sapped of all moisture as you blink rapidly, trying to will your tear ducts into submission. It’s too early in the night to fall asleep with the amount of work you have to look forward to, and the longer it takes you to crack the case, the more likely the thieves are to get away with the crime.

“I think we could use a break,” Marcus says from across the room. You look up blearily, noting the look of concern he’s giving you, brow furrowed. He must have caught you in your tired state somehow, between poring over files and jiggling his leg absent-mindedly.

“Can’t argue with that,” you chuckle, rubbing at your eyes.

“I’ll order room service, compliments of the bureau,” he says, smiling sideways. “I’m feeling pizza, what do you think?”

“Pizza sounds heavenly,” you groan.

“What do you want to drink?” Marcus asks, his eyes scanning over the menu unfolded next to his laptop.

“Oh, uh,” you hesitate, trying to decide on caffeine or something healthier. “I think the room has plenty of water.”

“I was thinking something a little stronger,” he says, a small grin making its way over his features. “Nothing too crazy, since we still have work to do.”

“What’s your opinion on red wine?” You ask, wanting to select something you both can agree on.

“I love it,” he says, giving you a toothy smile. “Pinot Noir?”

“Sounds perfect.”

An hour later, you’re both seated on the floor, pizza box spread open between your bodies, munching away at the slices of pepperoni you both decided on and sharing the bottle of wine Marcus ordered.

“Turns out it’s bad optics for the boss to drunkenly sing 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton off-key, and I still get teased for it to this day, which is why I refuse to join the team on karaoke nights,” Marcus finishes. You’re clutching your stomach as you laugh at his story, head thrown back as you giggle. 

You’ve only had a glass and a half of wine at this point, but you can already feel a persistent buzzing in your brain, your head feeling much lighter and much heavier simultaneously. This is what you get for skipping breakfast and lunch, opting to replace them with an afternoon snack and a late dinner.

Marcus laughs along with you, shaking his head and looking down at his slice of pizza.

Your laughter dies down and there’s a moment where it’s quiet, the only noise in the room being Marcus chewing on the crust of his pizza slice, and you taking a sip from your glass.

“This is a nice change,” you blurt out, immediately regretting your outburst.

“Mmm,” Marcus hums around the bite in his mouth. He swallows and looks up at you in question.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

Your eyes meet after he speaks and you can feel your heartbeat accelerating in your chest. God, why did you have to open your big mouth?

“Oh, nothing,” you shake your head. “It’s just…”

You don’t continue and Marcus shifts on his knees, leaning forwards to spur you on.

“It’s just what?”

“Well, I don’t know, it’s stupid.” You say, studying the box of pizza below you, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Nothing you could ever say is stupid,” he says with conviction. His tone makes you look up at him in wonder.

“Tell me, please,” he adds softly.

“Well, I thought you didn’t like me. Or that you didn’t think I was a good agent.” You can feel your stomach plunging and your cheeks burning at the admission.

“Why would you think that?” Marcus almost looks hurt.

“God, it’s dumb,” you babble. “But I noticed you haven’t had me partner with you on a case in ages, and you seem to get on with the rest of the team so much easier.”

You risk another look into Marcus’ eyes and he looks absolutely crushed. He cards a hand through his locks and his eyes look far away for a moment. You physically deflate, feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet.

“Hey,” he says, scooting forward and moving the pizza box aside. “You’re an amazing agent. Everything I put in your evals are the truth.”

You don’t reply, but smile softly at him.

“I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel undervalued,” he puts a hand on your shoulder and squeezes it. The look on his face, much closer to yours now, is absolutely putting you through the ringer.

Marcus looks disheveled, which is rare for him, as he always looks put-together in the office, not a hair or thread out of place in his tailored suits. His hair is sticking up and his tie is loosened. His brow is furrowed in concern and you have the overwhelming urge to soothe your thumb over it.

“I just–,” he starts and pauses, trying to come up with the right words. “I was so distracted during that case with you, and I never want to put you in that kind of danger again. Especially as a junior agent.”

Distracted?

“What do you mean?” You ask, blinking in confusion. What could have possibly distracted him from the case? This man, so motivated, so focused. He was diligent to a fault, at times.

“I–”

He’s cut off by his cell phone, ringing insistently in his pants pocket. He lifts a finger to pause the conversation and answers the phone.

His expression is focused as he listens to the other end of the line, murmuring affirmations as the call continues.

“Okay, sounds good. We’ll be there first thing in the morning.”

He hangs up the phone, shifts his legs and stuffs it back in his pocket.

“We’ve got a lead on the suspects,” he tells you. “A bodega near the museum has a security camera that caught a large utility van parked in front, right around the time the amphora was stolen. The owner said they’re only available to talk before they open, so we have to be there by 5:30 AM.”

You scramble to your feet and shut your laptop while Marcus clears the pizza and wine. You watch him silently as he finishes the task, noting his stiff shoulders and the carefully neutral expression on his face.

You’ll have to ask Marcus about the conversation later, if you can work yourself up to it. For now, you’ll let your imagination run wild and hope someday you can get over this juvenile crush you have on your boss.

Taglist: @tenderclio @softdin @darnitdraco @freeshavocadoooo @recklessworry @wyn-dixie @manalg14 @codenamewife @comphersjost @princessxkenobi @manalg14 @comphersjost @a-skov @sheresh0y @greeneyedblondie44 @blackmarketmummy @brandyllyn @gracie7209 @bootyliciousbilbo @dobbyjen @vanillabeanlattes @knivesareout​ @fastandfeminist @phrog-seeds @janebby​ @xoxo-callie​

[kojinnie]

Zeke’s Work & Life in Modern!au

The childhood, back story, job/career and workplace antics of AOT characters in modern life. A series of modern!au Attack on Titan headcanon.

Disclaimer: inaccuracies in the description of mentioned jobs may occur, as my knowledge of the industries is limited.

The Vets (Part I) .::. Zeke Yeager (Part II) .::. My Masterlist

Reiner & Berthold (Part III)  [COMING SOON]

Warriors and 104th Cadets [COMING SOON] 

zeke!

Ok ok here’s the deal. He was born rich ok? I’m not just talking about dad’s-a-doctor kind of rich, but old money type of rich 

He had everything but a warm family. Mum died early, Dad remarried and had another kid which he loved more. Zeke went on to live with his grandparents upstate

Never really had parents figure in his life, the grandparents were just spoiling him left and right without actually “raising” him

Went to posh boarding school with other posh little kids who go to Polynesia for summer holiday with their private jets. He never really got along well with these kids, though

At certain age, he got bored of living life in the easy mode and started acting up for attention

Started smoking weed at the dorm, got suspended - parents donated money

Burnt down common room from a stupid prank he did, on the verge of getting expelled - parents donated more money. His expulsion got overruled, but he eventually got sick of being saved by his parents’ money

Ended up running away for a month to live with some biker dudes off the interstate highway, where he learned to sell weed (lol)

Parents didn’t report to police because they “didn’t want to create a commotion out of adolescent’s common ruckus”; instead they hired private detective to find where Zeke was (lol #2)

Zeke finally came to term with his parents, dropped out of the posh boarding school and re-enrolled at a public school on his own request, where he pretended to have a “boring accountant” dad; His friends not knowing that his Dad not only a physician but also inherited a whole ass accounting firm 

With his newly-learned “entrepreneur” skill, he quickly rose to fame as the school dealer

Got arrested by the police, once again bailed out by his parents. Where his friends finally learned who Zeke’s parents was 

ok this is getting tiring

He unfortunately succumbed to depression during his late-teenage years. Dropped out of the public school and got home-schooled for his SAT year

Zeke was born a genius, so he didn’t really have any problem scoring great on his SAT. He took a gap year where he traveled abroad aka rich kid culture

Nobody really knew where was he during his trip abroad (not like anybody cared to begin with, sadly), but he came home with newly acquired skills and passion. He came to be very handy with computers, where he (sort of) mastered the programming language just in a year

Got back home for uni at a prestigious school, where he majored in Computer Science. He kept it lowkey throughout his time there, where he ironically grew to hate the privileged kids who seemed to dominate most of the peers he was in. He thought he was better and smarter than the rest of them (he was), and that he liked to obsessively convince himself that he wasn’t just “one of those rich kids who got in because daddy was rich” 

Zeke was the type to skip classes here and there to smoke weed at his apartment, and yet managed to get the highest score still

He was popular because he was an awfully good-looking genius, but he didn’t really care. I doubt he even had any serious girlfriend during these years because he was just so sick of people. He got one friend he hung around with, though. A junior to be exact, whom he sort of ‘adopted’ for looking sad all the time (aka Reiner | read more on Pt. II - coming soon!)

This was the time where he started to develop the prototype of a payment gateway software with Reiner. The software made it big and got acquired by a huge financial service firm

The achievement really bounced Zeke back, he became outgoing and had a lot of vision for his business. Until he found out that the purchase decision of his software was influenced and lobbied by his Dad, who had a close relation with the firm who bought his software

Enraged upon learning this fact, he relinquished all of the share he had from selling the software, and went to build his own tech start-up company, with Reiner acting as CEO and him as CTO

Make no mistake, Zeke’s an asshole at work. He knows how good he was, and it gave him a free-pass to do whatever he wanted to, often at the expense of the company

He was one of those jerks who pretended to be some broke ass hippie who smelled like weed all the time, but donned Richard Mille watch around

His infamous line at work whenever someone pitches an idea which does not suit his liking was: “Yeah, that sounds stupid.” or “Yeah whatever, I own the company.”

He re-invested the company’s funding to a whole lot of shady ventures, until he was rebuked by the investors and was forced to step down from any managerial role. He was given two choices, to step down or be sued for embezzlement (the legal proceeding was supposed to be led by the notorious white-collar crime attorney, Erwin Smith - read here). This put a lot of strain to Reiner, who was still an active CEO at that time

The truth about Zeke’s embezzlement was discovered by a talented Forensic Accountant, Levi Ackerman (read here)

The company went public, and Zeke was pushed out of the picture entirely. He still kept a considerable amount of the company’s share, so he was still filthy rich without doing nothing

He tried to establish couple of other companies, which did not even make it to early stage of funding, due to potential investors’ distrust

His friendship with Reiner, the only friend he ever had, never did recover after he was kicked out of his own company

A/N: Ok. So at first, I was planning to only make four parts for all AoT main characters, but I had so much fun writing this that it got very detailed and complicated! I am planning to make an expansive universe out of this HC series and I hope you’re on board with me! Enjoy!

[troop-scoop]

Youth I

Chapter One -  Pilot

Word count: 2k

Series Summary: On a family trip to your dad’s home town of Hawkins, Indiana, you make a series of decisions that result in you ending up in the year 1983 with more questions than there are answers presently available. 

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Female Reader ( slow burn ) 

Chapter Summary: You go through what’s become your new ‘normal’ at Hawkins High School

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Nothing about your current situation was settling right in your stomach. There were no answers as to how you got here, and you didn’t have any questions that could easily be answered. A series of unfortunate events resulted in the attitude you carried. You used to be sweet, all smiles and laughter unless someone did something to make you upset.

What happened to that girl? The girl who grew up never experiencing fear to the point where it worried her parents and made teachers concerned because she’d climb so high on the playground that if you fell, you’d surely break something.

You’d climbed so high on something, and you fell into this situation, and something did break. Your bravery, your fearlessness, nothing physical, but those two things were shattered, and your ego bruised.

Nothing was like what you were used to. To you, everything in this school hallway was dated. The fashion, the haircuts, the textbooks, and the tech.

The stereotypes.

“L/n!”

You shook your head, already knowing whose voice that was. A teenage boy who fit the typical ‘jock’ stereotype that everyone knew. The kid who hated his small town, he got around, played a sport his father probably hated, who would likely never get out of said small town he hated. Yeah, you knew the pattern. Everyone, where you were from, did.

“No.”

You continued on your trek to the locker, but you could hear the slight squeaking of the soles of the older boy’s Nikes on the linoleum floor trying to catch up. Where you were from, people would be staring at this type of occurrence, but because none of the students surrounding you even batted an eye at the basketball player or you for that matter, told you that it wasn’t abnormal for him to be audacious.

“Hey now, I just wanna talk.” He defended, finally catching up to you, walking alongside, but a little bit behind so he didn’t get in anyone’s way.

“Harrington, the last time you wanted to ‘talk’ was when you needed my math homework.” A chuckle escaped you as you said it, finally stopping at your locker.

“In my defense, you don’t look like a sophomore.” He tried, standing next to you as you were spinning the knob in the locker to get it open.

“Whatever, what do you want?”

“Wow, you’re grumpy. Anyways, Tommy H, Carol, and I wanna hang out but my parents don’t leave for another week, and we can’t be at Carol’s place because her mom hates Tommy, and well, you know how Tommy’s dad is.”

You hummed in amusement. “Yeah, he’s a dick, how does that involve me?” You had your binder and pencil case in one arm, staring at him with your hand inside of your locker, holding onto the cup of coffee.

“Can we hang out at your place?”

Rolling your eyes you kneeled down, placing your things down on the ground before standing upright, grabbing the collar of his jacket and pulling it towards your locker, placing it inside before closing the door on it. “Not happening.” You responded, a bright smile on your face as you grabbed your things, taking a step to walk away.

“Y/n! This isn’t funny!”

“I’m gonna correct you on that, it’s not funny to you.” The situation was probably the funniest thing you’d encountered in weeks, and considering your day to day life before used to be full of laughter and playfully teasing, that then went to quiet days spent alone and pondering, this was a nice change.

“Unlock it or I’ll tell Mrs. Jensen!”

Steve’s threat caused you to laugh, holding your things closer so you didn’t drop any of them. “A tattletale? You always did strike me as the type to tease kids in elementary school, but you never did seem like a snitch, you do know the saying right? About snitches?”

“Yeah, from you!” he responded, and although he had a serious face, you knew he was fighting back a smile as well by his voice and how his brows weren’t furrowed in frustration or anger.

“Snitches are bitches, who get stitches and end up in ditches.” it wasn’t intentional for both of you to say it at the same time, but you had, but in two very different tones of voice. Your’s was more ‘matter of fact’ and he was amused.

You stared at him for a second, your smile remaining before you stepped forward,  turning the dial of your lock to open it, and once you lifted the lever for the door, Steve got himself out, standing up straight and staring down at you, his hands finding the pockets of his jacket as you closed the locker door again. “That wasn’t fair, you look innocent,” he mumbled to himself.

“I’ll see you later?” Steve asked after a second.

“We have study hall together, so. . . maybe,” you told him, stepping away from the locker and heading down the hallway to your English class.

Bulletin boards on the walls, spaced out between each other, with thumbtacks keeping flyers and announcements up for students to see, lockers for students to keep their things throughout the day. It was all odd.

At your previous schools, lockers weren’t available. That was until your freshman year where you had to pay five dollars a year if you wanted one. And instead of bulletin boards, flyers and announcements would just be taped to the walls, or given during morning announcements, or emailed to students and parents. You were pretty sure your previous high school got rid of lockers in the late ’90s when drugs became prominent in your area and then got rid of bulletin boards when one student sent the other to the hospital with a thumbtack to the wrist, but those types of stories always had a few details in them that never made sense, allowing you to cast doubt on them. But maybe the story had just been told so many times that detail got twisted, the truth of what happened got misconstrued. Like a game of telephone.

Reaching the English classroom, you found your seat, with your anxiousness rising as you sat down, placing your coffee at the upper corner of your small desk, keeping your school supplies close to your chest.

You’d been a happy kid growing up. You didn’t have very many friends, but you had your parents, your little brother, and a condo that you’d been brought home to as a newborn that you knew was a safe place. Unlike the few friends you did have, you never really experienced anxiety or symptoms of depression, but you knew the signs, your closest friend, Mandy, dealt with it, and she confided in you often about how it felt and what it was like, and you often did your own research on it to know what you could to help her.

There were weekends where you spent a good few hours learning different breathing techniques to help her whenever she would have a panic attack, but now that you were dealing with moments where your heart sped up, your hands shook and you felt like something was terribly wrong, it was like all of those hours had been a waste because you couldn’t use them without getting more anxious.

“You okay?”

Looking to your left, you were met with a curious glance from your partner on the English project. Giving an unconvincing nod, you looked down at the top of your desk, eyes tracing over the wood pattern, lines connecting that looked like they shouldn’t, forming shapes and allowing you to distract yourself as Jonathan set his things down as well, taking his seat next to you.

Mrs. Jensen went over the usual, giving instructions for the project that everyone already knew, before leaving everyone to work, with her sitting behind her desk, a book in hand and a container of what you assumed were grapes by the purplish color. Though they could have been large blueberries.

“What’s so important about a quote?” Jonathan mumbled to himself, though it caught your attention from your own worksheet, looking over to him.

“In what context?” you asked, taking a sip from your drink as he began speaking.

“We’re talking about Romeo and Juliet, everyone knows what it’s about, you don’t really need a quote to explain things.”

You nodded when he looked over to you. “A lot of people only really know that it was written by Shakespeare and it’s about two star crossed lovers who kill themselves in the end. Mrs. Jensen probably knew that’s all anyone really remembers, she wants to make sure people know what’s actually happening.

“It’s pretty obvious, ‘Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?’ she’s asking where he is.” He shrugged a bit, placing the book down on the desk, pages open and light reflecting off of the glossy pages.

“No, she’s not,” you told him, getting an odd and questioning look from him. “Well, this was written in the 1500s, English is practically a new language at that point, getting its own footing for once, paintings of historical figures wouldn’t have the English spelling of their names, and English is a language that’s taken a bunch of different parts from other languages, mostly german. If you ever see a period piece that’s set around this period of time, if a child says ‘lady mother’ when they’re addressing their mom, they’re not acknowledging that their mother is a female. They’re acknowledging her title. So her husband is likely a lord of a piece of land, which makes her the lady of that land as well. It was an archaic way of showing respect to their mother by also saying she had a title.”

“How does that relate to the quote?”

“Well, early modern English had many different phrases, and things have changed, we’ve come up with ways to say things that are far more simple. While we think she’s asking where Romeo is, she’s actually asking why he’s Romeo. Why out of all the people she could have fallen for, it had to be him. The enemy. You could use that in the analysis, a bit of how it shows we don’t choose who we love, even if we know we shouldn’t love them.”

Jonathan blinked before looking at his worksheet, picking up his pencil and writing something down, paraphrasing what you had just said and only moments later the bell rang, signaling the end of the class period.

You grabbed your things, leaving as quickly as you could without looking like an idiot, trying to get away from what caused you to be so nervous and make you feel like you could be sick at any moment.

Growing up, you weren’t afraid of many things if any. But maybe you just needed something like this to make you afraid of everything and anything around you. To make you jump at the sound of a drop of water from outside your motel window landing on the metal railing of the stairs and walkway.

But you were terrified, and you wanted to wake up in your own bed, at home, with your dad gently shaking your shoulder to get you up and out of bed. You were terrified you’d never see your parents again, that you’d been too mean to your little brother growing up, and that the last memory he’d have of you was you being mean.

You hadn’t even been afraid to sleep on your own as a kid, and all the things that you weren’t afraid of as a child that you should have been, always seemed to worry your dad. But what would he say and think now? Would he be worried now that you lived in a constant state of fear? Just looking at clothing racks scared you.

Since July you’d been trying to act normal, trying to pretend everything was okay, trying to be your normal self, but your normal self would be odd to everyone else, you knew random things no one else did, you liked things no one even knew about yet, and if you tried to talk about those things, you knew it wouldn’t be a good outcome, not a sour one, but not happy.

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Add yourself to the taglist!

tagging who i know would want to be - 

@stonersteve​ @ilovebucketbarnes​

[godblooded]

camille suffers from severe c-ptsd that presents in psychosis , usually tied to her more severe depressive spells. she has a tendency to slip inside herself unknowingly , and it ‘ s fairly safe to say she ‘ s always at least halfway inside her own head. post the series she is more stable and aware of her symptoms. wind gap truly exacerbated the worst of her mental state and made it thirty times worse than it was before.

she is very prone to flashbacks. sometimes , camille ‘ s past feels superimposed onto her present. old ghosts lurk around every corner begging to be listened to. nightmares seem waking. her hallucinations can be wildly vivid , both auditory and visual , and she has no knowledge of grounding techniques in an official way nor is she great in therapy , even if post series she ‘ s absolutely in it. discussing her trauma is her least favorite thing to do and it ‘ s emotionally taxing beyond reason. on days when she thinks she can function semi like a sober person , therapy is enough to push her off the edge if it ‘ s particularly intense. it ‘ s all too much. she ‘ s already just trying to process the truth about her mother and , worse , the truth about a sister she grew to love.

( since the hbo miniseries is true to it being camille ‘ s point of view i also operate under the function that the flashbacks therein are visible to camille. her reactions to them support that , and they ‘ ll be treated as a frame of reference for the nature of camille ‘ s trauma. sharp objects is best viewed if you legitimately submerge yourself in the understanding that you ‘ re seeing through camille ‘ s eyes as she would see everything , further supported by the fact that camille is an unreliable narrator.

“I can’t remember the occasion or what we were laughing about. Over the years it’s become a pleasant mystery. I think I like not knowing.”

- is enough to make it clear camille ‘ s past memories might even be a little more ‘ dressed up ‘ as we see them than they actually were. ‘

“ ( Adora ) She also wore blue to Marian’s funeral, and so did Marian. She was astonished I didn’t remember this. I remembered Marian being buried in a pale pink dress. This was no surprise. My mother and I generally differ on all things concerning my dead sister.”

- given costuming marian was likely put in pearlescent pink to give her that angelic innocence on the miniseries , but canonically marian was buried in blue. if the book canon can be used as reference for a lot of the way we see the miniseries , it means we also see camille ‘ s slightly faulty memory as askew as she remembers it. adora ‘ s in black and marian ‘ s in baby pink ; adora wore blue to match marian , which was no doubt a spectacle to compound her ‘ precious grieving mother ‘ facade. it ‘ s a very minor detail , but with camille ‘ s constantly wavering language and deteriorating emotional state , it ‘ s just more proof that we ‘ re literally in her head. the words we see are words carved onto her body that she ‘ s written herself , and even if we don ‘ t catch a glimpse of it on her skin , all the words written throughout the scenes in dust , etc. are visibly in her handwriting.

sharp objects is legitimately a vehicle through camille ‘ s trauma in a firsthand experience. and each clouded memory in the book is followed by camille ‘ s noncommittal dismissal of it. )

on days far more severe it ‘ s not uncommon for camille to blink out for moments at a time , which she has tried to begin paying attention to. it sits in the back of her mind that she ‘ s dissociated before and hurt herself in a breakdown ; she ‘ s all too aware of that and she ‘ s trying not to let that happen. after wind gap she ‘ s the best she ‘ s been in a long time , but she ‘ s also aware there ‘ s no such thing as positive consistency in her life. she ‘ s stuck between waiting for the other shoe to drop and trying to believe in optimism. more often than not , she ‘ s waiting , but the days aren ‘ t without the optimism.

on good days camille is difficult to separate from her laptop. she ‘ ll lounge in a window and read when her attention is capable , and when she has the interest to do it. she has a tendency to go down wikipedia holes when doing research — she ‘ ll start at a completely unrelated topic and end up on an article about factory fires in history and their severity. she ‘ s lighter , even if her humor really isn ‘ t , and a little more given to laughter. her body language isn ‘ t as closed. she ‘ s more likely to be nice where her usual bite lingers just on the outskirts of her personality. she doesn ‘ t seem as quiet , or as haunted , and sometimes she isn ‘ t the haunted house she feels like.

hallucinations range from horrific to overly familiar and vivid. her sister has never stayed dead — amma is incarcerated , as is adora. these people don ‘ t exist to plague her physically , but mentally they ‘ ll never leave her alone. her peripheral vision is rife with the glimpses of things she thinks she sees , and once focused — they ‘ re gone.

she ‘ s doing better than she has in years , but she doesn ‘ t know if there ‘ s such a thing as ‘ better ‘ , some days.