#but i dont wanna commit to something and then back out later

[hunrising]

tell me if im being a little bitch right but how do i politely tell someone i dont wanna go on holiday with them 😩

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

early draft Bob Velseb Fanfic

(im still working on a small comic to accompany this fic before i release it officially, but i would appreciate the feedback, so dont hesitate to comment as it encourages me to make more art for the au. This comic takes place after the events of this post.) For reference, the woman in this image next to bob is Mary-Anne

then in this image, from left to right (no including Bob in the middle) we have Roxy, Greta, Sparrow, Ash, Trixie, Jane (who's the bar's manager and doesn't appear in the fic), and Billie (who is the bar's bouncer)

Fic is below the readmore. And I kinda recommend looking back at the images every so often to keep track of who's who, cus there's a lot of lesbians hanging out chatting in this fic.

Hanging out in the mismatched collection of old sofas in the lounge area of the local lesbian bar, some of the bar’s regulars were having a casual chat. When another of the regulars, a woman named Mary-Anne, excitedly came up to the group with a laptop in hand. Mary: “Hey you girls wanna see my latest true crime theory?! I think I've got a really good one this time!” Sparrow: “YEEEEAAAAHhhhhhh! Lemme see it! Show us what detective work ya been up to!” Trixie: “Did you finally see if I’ve done any murders I didn't know about? You said you’d check.” Mary: “Yeah I know, and I'll get to it eventually, but I found something way more interesting…… Barbra.” Sparrow: “Barbra?” Mary: “Yeah!” She sets up the laptop on the table, the women all crowding around to get a look, as Mary-Anne puts on a dramatic, though still a bit joking, tone and pose.

Mary: “Barbra, could secretly be, the notorious serial killer…. Bob Velseb.”

Ash: “Who?” Sparrow: “No fucking way! The Halloween cannibal from that other town down south? How’ed you make that connection?”

Roxy: “Excuse me, Cannibal?!”

Ash: “That’s pretty metal actually. Wish looking into me found connections to crimes that sick.” Greta: “Ummm, isn’t that man dead?”

Sparrow: “Wait yeah good point. The news said he got caught and killed by police last Halloween night. Shouldn't that be like, disqualifying for what hypothetical crimes you think your friends might have committed?”

Mary: “Wellllll…. yeah, supposedly he even had an autopsy and everything. But It fits too well if you just ignore the whole being dead thing!”

Roxy: “Hey! Don't you buncha freaks go just comparing Barbra to people like that. She hasn't even been around that long. Don't need you scaring her off with your true crime detective mess when I know you didn't even ask if she was okay with it first!”

Mary: “But it's suuuuuuuch a good one though!”

Trixie: “Yeah lighten up, I doubt she's gonna mind. I mean it's not like Barbara is actually gonna be a DEAD criminal. And especially with those morbid jokes she likes, she'll probably think it's hilarious.”

Roxy: “Nuh-Uh! I don't care how funny it is. She's still doing this without asking! It's one thing for her to look into yalls lives like a creepy stalker when you ask her to. But don't you go encouraging her with that spying into people's business shit without permission!”

Mary: “Aww come on.”

Ash: “Okay, I'm actually gonna agree with Roxy here. I mean what if one day, I really have to murder someone? I don't need Sherlock Holmes getting on my trail ten minutes later. You could at least ask first.”

Sparrow: “Come on, that's different! I'm sure you'd have a good reason if you did ever murder someone. And she'd be more likely to help you bury the body than turn you in. We all would.”

Roxy: “Nuh-uh, I still don't like this biz. Plus, isn't Barbra a trans woman? You'd probably end up hurting her feelings more by comparing her to a dead MAN than to the whole criminal thing.”

Sparrow: “Wait, since when was Barbra trans?”

Ash: “She was kinda making it obvious with that wig she always wears.”

Sparrow: “Wait really? I thought she was wearing the wig because she had some grizzly scar or something on her head from the car crash and didn't want to call attention to it. I mean they did say she had a bad head injury. Like it's why they said she's always wearing the sunglasses even when inside. The concussion like, messed up her ability to look directly at bright lights or something.”

Ash: “...Yeah okay that's a fair point I didn't need to immediately jump to her wearing the wig being to make her pass better. But like, there's still a lot of stuff besides that. Plus Caprica admitted to it. Barbra definitely used to be a dude.”

Greta: “Doesn't really matter if she's trans regardless, since she only ever really flirts with Caprica.”

Trixie: “I'd fuck her even with a dick like are you fucking kidding me? She's hot as hell.”

Sparrow: “Oh my god same! I swear Barbra is wasted on that woman.”

Roxy: “Yeah, but like, I ain't gonna pretend I wouldn't get a massive crush too if some lady pulled my fat ass out of a burning car wreck and lemme stay at her place while I recover like Caprica did. That's like some fairytale relationship shit.”

Trixie: “Exactly! if I got my life saved all dramatically by someone who's not just gay, but gay AND single ANNND they let you stay at their house for free? I wouldn't even care if they were hot or not. You'd have to be a real big piece of shit to be getting rid of me anytime soon. I'd be grabbing on with both hands. Maybe not as hard as Barbra seems to be, but still.”

Greta: “Umm, I meant more that she's not pressuring anybody, so it wouldn't matter either way what she has.”

Mary: “We're getting off topic! I wanna talk about my cool theory!”

Ash: “Right, right, let's hear it.”

Roxy: “Let's NOT hear it! She didn't ask Barbra for permission!”

Sparrow: “Well since she's already put it together, the least we could do is go over it and let her know if it'd be a mistake to tell Barbra and hurt her feelings. Like if it is something really insulting, it would be better to act like it never happened right?”

Roxy folds her arms and grumbled, but otherwise stops complaining. Letting Mary-Anne get on with it.

Tapping on her laptop for a second before turning it around to show a PowerPoint style compilation of research and pictures, starting with Bob's prison mugshot, which the ladies leaned in to see.

Mary: “So here's what I found. So we've got this Bob Velseb guy right? Notorious cannibal serial killer, captured on Halloween night a few years ago and put in prison.”

Billie: “....Did you really make a whole presentation for this?”

Mary: “I told you, it's a really good one! And I had to keep my evidence somewhere anyway. So it's like a digital scrapbook, and I just cleaned it up some to show you.”

Trixie, with a bit of a teasing tone: “Becha wish you could make a whole corkboard setup with red yarn instead.”

Mary: “I sooooooo would, but it’s just too hard to fit that sort of thing in my car and drive it around. You all gotta come meet at my house so I can have the excuse to set up a real one!” Billie: “....Amateur detective potluck.” Mary: “Omg yes. With like a bunch of detective based desserts! Sparrow: Chalk outline chocolate cookies!

Ash: “Halloween coleslaw.” Roxy, through half muffled snickering: “Girl, the fuck is halloween coleslaw??” Mary: “We’re getting off track! Back to what I was saying…”

She switches to the next slides showing clips from newspapers and the like.

Mary: “So he stays in prison for awhile. But then last year, he escapes from prison with a few other small time criminals.

And he spends a few months killing people, like 8 or 9 bodies being found, all with the same M - O. Until Halloween night comes around again. He goes after the same family he got caught while trying to kill that other Halloween. And it leads to an encounter with the police who kill him in a shootout. Where he's brought to the morgue for an autopsy and has the cause of death confirmed…..

BUT!!!”

She changes to the next slide, which was talking about a car crash, a man found dead, and had a map with some areas marked in mspaint.

Mary: “The next day after the news report of Mr. Velseb’s death goes out, we have this weird little event happen. So there’s this man, who was supposedly on his way to a hunting trip? He's found stabbed to death on the side of the road here.”

She zooms in on the map, showing the road between this town and the weird little town where Bob comes from, and points to the marked location just past the outskirts of Bob's town.

Mary: “Now wild animals had gotten to the corpse before it was found, so it was pretty mangled, but he had definitely been stabbed. Which is a bit of evidence that could link to the knife wielding serial killer. Bob Velseb, also known as the devil butcher, so named because he used to be a butcher and ended up feeding his victims to his patrons.”

Roxy: “Oh, no, ew why'd you have to go and tell me that?”

Mary: “Well I had to give you the context that this is a guy who stabs people, so we should be looking for stuff like this where the victim was stabbed.”

Roxy: “You could've just said he stabs people!”

Mary: “Well, he also tends to butcher and eat people so we gotta keep an eye out for…”

Billie, in her slightly monotone, but firm voice: “Maybe cool it with the gruesome details.” 

Mary: “Alright alright. It's not super relevant right now anyway, since it looks to me like the guy was in too much of a rush anyway to actually butcher anyone. Because the interesting thing for us…. is this man's truck.”

She points to a location further down the road, on the outskirts of their own town/small city and close to one of the parks.

Mary: “His truck… was found here. Crashed into a ditch, blood all over the inside of it, but no body. So if it had been a regular crash, then the hunter's body should have been right here with his car, not all the way back here covered in stab wounds. So according to the evidence, he was stabbed to death here, had his car stolen by someone who looked to be pretty injured themselves, which was then driven all the way here… to our town.”

Roxy: “Guuuurl…. Shut the hell up! That is sinister as fuck! You're telling me we've got somethin coming up from that creepy ass missing kids town, to over where we live? Man I don't even care if it happened the day after some big time serial killer died. That should still be a big ass problem!”

Mary: “Don't worry, it gets even better!”

Billie: “I think you mean worse.” 

Mary: “Yeah! It gets even worse! So in the days after this body was found up until now, the number of murders went way up for about a month or so. With the bodies matching Bob Velsebs usual modus operandi. Showing up stabbed and mangled with pieces missing. With even a few cops getting killed in that time! 

And then after that, even though there weren't any more bodies being found, the number of missing persons still stayed higher. Almost like a murderer who used to work out in the open….  was now covering his tracks.”

Trixie: “That's spooky as hell! Why's this the first time I'm hearing about somebody out there killing people??”

Billie gave a bit of a knowing look as she explained: “Because what we're listening to is a conspiracy. She's not seeing the evidence and working from it, she's made a theory first and is putting together all the information that supports the theory. That's how these true crime conspiracies work. It's good for a spooky campfire story, but there's a reason why the actual detectives aren't saying the same thing and telling the local news to spread the word.”

Roxy: “Man, you're just gonna be working me up over nothing then.”

Mary: “Not REALLY nothing, this stuff has actually happened.”

She then pitches her voice low and spooky for emphasis.

Mary: “And who knows, maybe there really was a cover up with the serial killer not actually being killed.”

Sparrow: “Yeah! Don't be a spoilsport! So like, so…. Like… uhhh… so how does this stuff have anything to do with Barbra though? Like you're saying the death of this Bob guy was a cover up, but how does this connect to Barbra?”

Mary: “Well first up, their descriptions are very similar. Barbra has the right height and build for…”

Billie: “How tall did they say this Velseb guy was?”

Mary: “Uhhh….”

She flipped through the presentation back to the mugshot 

“6 foot 4.”

Billie: “Yeah, that's about right for Barbra.”

Showing her experience as a bouncer with being able to judge people's height from comparing them to their ID's.

Mary: “Right! Hair color, skin, build, even the accents match too.”

Sparrow: “Cool! That's already way better than when you tried to link me to any murders!”

Mary: “I know right!”

Greta: “Still, that's just looking like a dead serial killer. If you're only going based off of just happening to know someone who matches the description, that could still lead to hurt feelings.”

Mary: “But that's the thing, it's not only looking the same. Like for instance, think about how Barbara and Caprica said they met.”

Billie: “.... A car accident.”

Mary: “Right! And what started off this whole uptick in violent crime? This guy getting killed, getting his truck stolen, then whoever stole it crashing the truck into a ditch on the outskirts of the town.”

Trixie: “That's not the same type of accident they described in how they met though.”

Mary: “Yeah, but any good cover story has an element of truth in it.”

Ash: “So you're basically saying, that Caprica pulled somebody out of a wreck, who turned out to be a cannibal serial killer that the cops covered up the death of. And who instead of cannibal serial killing her, fell head over heels in love, and now…. what, they're like a serial killer power couple or something? So is Caprica secretly a serial killer now too?”

Mary: “Weeeeeeeelllllllll…. Kinda? Yeah? I mean, turns out, Capricas actually kinda legit been through some horrible stuff in real life. Buuuuut I'm not so sure about talking about that stuff since it, you know, actually 100% happened to her.”

Trixie: “Shit, so you're saying she actually has some kind of excuse for how trying to make smalltalk with her, makes her look like she's offended you even thought to try and speak to her?

It's not like… you know. Because of some guy…. Right?”

Mary: “No, no, nothing like that.”

Greta: “Well… you might as well tell us since we've come this far.”

Mary: “....Okay. Just a sec.”

She goes to the laptop, clicks open a web browser, and takes a moment to look up the right event.

Mary: “Okay, so over a decade ago, there was this thing that happened at a campsite near here, where this big elk supposedly ate something bad, like old rat poison from the 70s or something, which made it freak out and go on a violent rampage where it gored a bunch of campers to death.”

She steps back to show an old newspaper clipping with a picture of Caprica and a bunch of young scouts.

Mary: “Caprica was one of the few survivors, who also saved a bunch of cub scouts by having them climb a tree where the elk couldn't reach them.”

Sparrow: “Hold on, I actually recognize this one! That's the state record for the single most people killed in a single day due to an animal attack! So Caprica was one of the people involved in it the whole time? That's wild!”

Ash: “From hero to serial killer….. That's pretty brutal of her…. Nice.”

Sparrow: “Of course the lady who still dresses goth every day even though she's pushing 40 would have that be the takeaway here.”

Ash: “I know what I'm about.”

Trixie: “That still seems like a bit of a reach though.”

Billie: “I’ll reiterate. This is a conspiracy theory being made up for fun. It's going to be full of reaches.”

Trixie: “No I mean, Barbra is absolutely crazy for that girl. Like remember that one time? (comic about bob drowning his sorrows in liquor because caprica had to go to a doctors appointment and he couldn't come along.) Trixie: “It just seems disproportionate to fall that hard after a life of murder and cannibalism, to Caprica of all people.”

Sparrow: “You literally just said a few minutes ago if you were in Barbara's position getting your life saved, they wouldn't be able to get rid of you if they tried.”

Trixie: “What, am I suddenly not allowed to embellish a little? But I mean, come on, haven't you seen the two of them enough? Heck, starting out I was more worried that Caprica was like… like she didn't even want to be in a relationship?”

Ash: “I always got the opposite impression personally, like she was taking advantage of Barbra. She's always acting so mean to her. Like with us she's at least trying to be polite, but not so much with Barb. I've been trying to keep an eye for any other red flags like that, but Barbra’s never seemed to mind soooo….”

Greta: “Hey now, let's not start implying Caprica is abusive. It's clear she's done a lot for Barbra, however begrudgingly. Even coming to the bar all these times. It's clear Caprica isn't doing it because she enjoys clubbing. Barbara's always been the one having the most fun.”

Roxy: “Yeah, let's not have this get out of hand with all these accusations.”

Mary: “And more importantly, I want better feedback on my theory! I mean of all the reasons why it could be wrong, I'd hope for better than something like “Barbra is acting way too crazy to have POSSIBLY been a deranged cannibal serial killer.”

Sparrow: “That Barbra is a certified freak 7 days a week and I love that for her.”

Roxy: “Forget about Barbra, I still don't like the thought that some cannibal serial killer has come over from that town with all the spooky shit going on and is around here terrorizing people!”

Billie: “Once again, she's not following the evidence, she's inventing a ghost story and then finding scary evidence to support the narrative while leaving out any conflicting evidence or context. If it were genuinely something to worry about, this wouldn't be your first time hearing about it.”

Trixie: “Plus it can’t actually be the cannibal serial killer guy, he's super dead.”

Mary-Anne, with a bit of a mischievous tone as she leaned in back to her presentation: “.....You know, I actually found some cell phone video of the guy getting run over I can show everyone.”

To which Billie the bouncer stood up sharply and said: “Nope. Putting my foot down. New rule. No snuff films in the bar.”

Before closing the lid of the laptop.

Mary: “Awwww what? No!”

Trixie: “Killjoy.”

Ash, clearly sarcastic and kidding around: “Yeah, no watching the brutal deaths of serial killers in a bar? What are you, homophobic or something?”

Mary: “It's actually a pretty funny video without much gore or anything. The guy gets run over by a car like 4 times in a row. Like a loony toons character.”

Billie: “I don't care how funny it is, that's the sort of stuff that can get the business in trouble.”

Roxy: “But can't we make an exception this time? I'd feel a lot better for sure knowing that guy is dead.”

Billie replies as she straightens out her pants and shirt: “It's almost time for me to start my shift, so might be best to just call it quits here.”

Mary-Anne went back to the laptop to scroll through the list of images she'd gathered for people either missing or dead.

Mary: “Awww, but I didn't even get a chance to go through the list of victims yet.”

Greta: “No, she's right. I think we've seen enough. I doubt this is anything we should be letting Barbra see. Let's just stop here before…”

Sparrow: “Wait. Scroll back up.”

Mary-Anne did as asked, scrolling a bit up again and upon seeing it Sparrows eyes got wide, and she covered her mouth in shock. Prompting a few of the others to look as well. Getting a similar look of surprise.

Ash: “Oh, wow.”

Mary: “What? What is it?”

Ash: “You weren't there that day. So you wouldn't know. But that one?”

She points at a certain picture of a man on the screen.

Ash: “That's one of the guys who grabbed Caprica that day.”

The silence hangs in the air for a moment.

Mary: “This guy?”

Ash: “Yep.”

Trixie: “Okay that's spooky. But one guy going missing is a coincidence at best. Especially the kind of guy who'd behave like he and that other jerk did. I bet he's asking for a fight everywhere he goes. So let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe if they both went missing that might be a…”

Mary: “Well let's see! What did the other one look like?”

She said with a bit of excitement, scrolling through the rest of her list of missing persons.

Billie:“.... He looked like that.”

Mary: “Huh?”

Billie stepped over, and used the laptop trackpad to scroll a bit upwards, then pointed at a specific picture in the list of missing persons. The picture of the second guy who had tried to hit on Caprica that night.

Mary: “Thats him.”

The air hung still for a moment, the weight of the realization sinking in. Trixie Being the first to break the silence with,

Trixie: “..... Well shit, Barbra and Caprica might actually be some kind of serial killers.”

Another moment of silence, until

Ash: “.....Good for them.” The humor of the response breaking the tension with an indignant, though slightly giggly response of Sparrow: “Ash! Oh my god!”

Ash: “What? Am I supposed to be upset that a pair of creeps who snuck into a gay bar and try to sexually harass the shortest lesbian they could find in the club, and right in front of her girlfriend no less, have gone missing? Good riddance if you ask me.”

Sparrow looked between the women nervously before her gaze settled on Billie: “For real though, should we… call someone about this?” Mary: “What happened to helping bury the bodies?”

Trixie: “Would probably be burying Barbra if you sent the police after her.”

Sparrow: “What?” Trixie: “Seriously, what the fuck do you think would happen if we called up the police and told them that a lesbian trans woman MIGHT be involved in the disappearance of two men? And not only that, but that we’re suspicious of her being involved in their disappearance because she got into a fight with these two dudes when they tried to “correct a woman from the deviancy of homosexuality”. You might as well be broadcasting “Hey dudes! Free target practice over here! Feel free to shoot this woman as many times as you want, because no jury is going to condemn you for murdering a butch trans woman!” to almost every trigger happy misogynist dirtbag in town.” Greta: “I knew this was going to be a mistake….”

Billie let off a sigh: “Trixie is right. We could easily be putting Barbra’s life at risk based on a coincidence she had nothing to do with. Whereas it would be a roll of the dice if it even mattered to law enforcement if she were actually guilty or not.”

Sparrow: “....I guess you’re right.”

Roxy: “Man I told y'all this was gonna be a bad idea. Now yall are speculating about turning Barbra over to the police. But you know what? I’m with Ash on this one! Even though Mary-Anne’s been trying to freak us all out trying to link all these murders to Barbra, the only real evidence we have is that two wannabe date rapists who happened to get into a fight with Barbra have now gone missin. And even if Barb and Caprica did off those two, then good on em for actually being proactive in getting rid of creeps like that. Long as they’re sticking to cleaning up trash like that, and aren’t going after any of the people I care about or who have the good sense to just be minding their own business, then I couldn't give less of a shit.” Trixie: “I hope Barbra and Caprica did kill those pigs though. Fuck the cops, I wish more of them had been killed.”

Greta: “.....I think it might be best for everyone if we just change the subject and forget the whole thing.”

Mary: “........Do you think maybe Barbra and Caprica might have room for one more in their relationship though?” Sparrow, through laughter: “OH MY GOD!” Ash, also trying to stifle a chuckle: “Dude, don’t go trying to be some couple’s third wheel just because you think they might be serial killers.”

Trixie: “Yeah, what if they say yes and then you find out they’re actually super boring and you just end up being disappointed?” Mary: “A girl can dream can’t she?” Roxy, clearly not taking it seriously: “I’d be more worried about you thinking the worst case scenario here would be them NOT being serial killers.” They continue chatting for awhile about various things before eventually going their separate ways, having all agreed not to tell Barbra or Caprica about this conversation. 

[pomodoriyum]

Ok im really curious about your Goodsir/Des Voeux tag. I've never really considered this ship but now that you've mentionned it, i'm curious ! Take this ask as an opportunity to elaborate about them if you want, i want to read more :3

- @strogoff-era

Hi Earl! hope you're doing well!!

uhmmmmmm, well, you see, it's definitely a very nonsense ship. there is absolutely no reason for it, and it's not something I think about a lot...

HOWEVER. I do have some thoughts, especially around their few interactions on screen.

Le Visconte toe removal scene: des voeux seems kind of impressed that goodsir can have a bit of a spine/waspish tongue

They are both very close in rank as far as I can tell; with Goodsir maybe being slightly above des voeux in the hierarchy of rank

Des voeux consistently looks to goodsir to gauge his reaction and to gain his support in the few scenes they're in. Specifically, in Gore (1x02), right as they discover the overturned boat, Des voeux switches from leading the men down towards the boat to hanging back nervously, and then he looks to goodsir (somewhat incredulously) when Goodsir suggests they go down together to check the boat out. I read this as CDV not wanting too appear "more chicken" (lack of a better term) than Goodsir, while also checking in with him to see about how they should proceed (<- i think this is definitely overanalysis/stretching the interpretation, because more likely than anything he was just looking at the person who happened to be speaking at the time, so take with a fistful of salt). Next scene they're interacting in is in 1x05 (First shot a Winner), where des voeux interrupts goodsir as he's tending to someone's wounds and demands his attention (rather rudely-- but it *is* near the realms of an emergency). He's very visibly nervous re: Jacko-- I imagine he's gone to fetch Goodsir b/c Jacko is goodsir's responsibility/goodsir told the crew that he wants to be informed if her behavior alters significantly. In any case, des voeux bends to Goodsir's directions/instructions re:Jacko, and again seems to keep looking at him for cues on how to proceed (the "are we going to bash its head in yet" looks until Goodsir makes him lower the tool he snatched from one of the mates). Overall this scene really conveys (to me!) that CDV relies on goodsir's authority and expertise when he's panicking/out of his depth. theres some age dynamics at play here i think, too, since CDV was in his very early twenties and i dont think many of his crewmates would've given him an easy time, given he's essentially their middle manager and yet also much younger than them. Plus, he's middle class, so there's going to be tension there. essentially, this reads to me as a scene where des voeux sprints to his nearest trusted senior and says WTF HELPPPP HELPPP b/c he doesnt wanna deal with the problem himself and is probably more than a little out of his depth (nepotism baby is not prepared for the frightening monkey death. also, if i wanted to sound completely off my rocker, I'd say it was a tie-in to how he asks silna for help later and is denied any mercy b/c of his own cruelty and hatred.)

Goodsir seems to be relatively well respected (and well liked!) by the crew, though i do think they rib him to his face quite a bit. I do not think CDV was very well liked (even if peglar laughed at his jokes in 1x02), esp given his age and (relative) position of power.

There's something in the way of the absolute disgust and hidden fright in CDV's voice when he tells crozier how Goodsir committed suicide-- CDV was similar to hickey in that he'd do anything to survive, so goodsir taking his own life was probably both confusing and disturbing, because CDV was unlikely to be able to understand that action at all.

at the same time, i think that both goodsir and CDV tend to view other human beings as objects. Goodsir in the sense that he's a curious scientist, CDV in that he just doesn't care to extend humanity to other people for his own mental convenience.

Absolutely none of this really means anything, but I do like to marinate on it.

Main takeaway from the show: they do not like each other and have very different values, esp about what it means to survive versus what it means to live (moral arguments fun times).

pom's conclusion: they should have bad sex about it. (something something CDV looking for a reassurance he's not going to get versus goodsir's 'what the fuck is this weird little freak on about now. i want to dissect him and hes a bad person so i wont even feel bad about it')

I did write a fic about them here, though i was trying to figure out CDV's characterization at the time & now there's a lot about the fic that bothers me. ive left it up for posterity though. enjoy? warning: it's mostly porn.

thanks for the ask!

[oflgtfol]

MarvelDC anon x5 sorry im back again I just wanted to say I agree 100% with everything you say and don’t rly have anything to add there that isnt just recycling your points. It’s genuinely fucking crazy how the entire point of the superhero in 90% of cases is that they are vigilantes who operate outside of the legal system and yet so many of them are given plot lines about how the cops or the military are Awesome. Or like will show them buddy buddy with cops or the government. LIKE STOP ITTTT. STOP ITTTTT. And most of the time too it’s for characters where them being hyper connected with the government etc makes their overall story Worse. Ill use flash as an example bc You Know that guy but I LOVE flash I love him as a disabled character struggling w addiction issues for personal reasons BUT HIM LOSING HIS LEGS LIKE SHOOTING PEOPLE IN THE SWANA REGION AND THEN BECOMING A GOVERNMENT GUY IS SO FUCKING ASSSSSSS IT MAKES HIM WORSE AS A CHARACTER AND A PERSON IN A WAY THAT ISNT INTERESTING BECAUSE THEY NEVER SAY ANYTHING INTERESTING ABOUT IT!!!!! Like why the fuck did Flash even become disabled in regard to Going To Commit Imperialism For The U. S. A like NYC gets destroyed on the daily!!!! Have him lose his legs by a building falling on top of him!!!! Im spitballing ideas here but why wasn’t Venom Flash uhhhhhh Him Losing his legs in an event like that, in conjunction with him saving someone else, since this is the era of Symby and Eddie's breakup Symby is slithering along + sees this and helps him out, bc you know they can make their own choices and do what they want and maybe they wanna be a hero too even for a moment, then like maybe a few months later or whatever They Meet again and Symby is like hey….. I felt something when we bonded for that brief time. Im going through something rough too right now (The Divorce) so why don’t we try something new together. AND NOW BOOM. you can have Flash as Venom. Now without the stupid venom as addiction metaphor too! Like if you really fucking want you can include stuff about the government trying to manipulate them or whatever but as a whole this would have been so much better of an angle to start venom flash with but NO that we DIDNT GET Because Of The Military Complex meaning We Cant Ever Have Good Things

i know this is so controversial among the venom fans but like i'm really not that attached to flash lmfao i know nothing about him he's just some guy to me i just know he's so much better than mac gargan cuz by god that was a dark time for venom comics.

so now i'm the one nodding along with you and not adding anything lol. i trust you to come up with a better backstory for him because i literally don't know anything about him beyond the vaguest outline. i don't even know what war he fought in that he lost his legs to i dont know Anything. eddie some little absolute freak to me but flash is just some guy

Like if you really fucking want you can include stuff about the government trying to manipulate them or whatever but as a whole this would have been so much better of an angle to start venom flash with but NO that we DIDNT GET Because Of The Military Complex meaning We Cant Ever Have Good Things

i do have to say though that this is totally how i thought venom 2011 was going to go. the first like, four-ish issues got my hopes up so much. i really honestly thought it was going to be drawing parallels between symby and flash how they are ultimately just tools of the government, just weapons that can be discarded in pushing the military's agenda.

this whole page drove me insane at the time and it still kinda does. the way flash is lying directly to his superior to stay with symby longer despite how much he's been drilled that being with the symbiote too long is a danger. they aren't friends yet this early but there's still this impulse to stick with it. and it's because they're parallels!!! the symbiote is quite literally being treated as a mindless tool by the government - it's deprived of all rights that a sentient, sapient being requires. it's trapped and it's being forced into serving and fighting on behalf of a government that doesn't even care for it. likewise, flash is being given the illusion of choice, and to some extent he still does have a choice, but he's being so manipulated by the government here that really he is also just a mindless tool for them - or at least, they want him to be mindless about it. the final fucking panel at the bottom of the final page is crazy.

it was such a strong start to a run that i was very apprehensive about due to aforementioned lack of knowledge of flash as a character, and my general fed-up-ness with the way the comics had been handling venom and eddie in general during that irl time period. so i was so so hoping that it would be taking a blatant and staunch anti-military stance, or even at the bare minimum if it was even still done in a liberal way, as long as there was still SOME criticism of the military complex i would be jumping for joy. and the idea of flash and symby then also bonding during all that?!! crazy. but then it just kinda. goes off the fucking rails halfway through that run/??? like demons and hell and satan kinda off the rails. absolute bonkers. i need to reread venom 2011 actually i barely remember it it was like a fever dream to me. could have been because i descended into madness shortly after i read it but i digress

[sabrgirl]

Assalamu alaykoum sister. I hope you are good alhamdulilah, i am a 20 year old sister. I did put my hijab in 2019 when iwas 15, i had a bad past but 2 years ago i came to the right path alhamdulilah. I have t4ouble overthinking about my past, if maybe some pics ( very sinful pics) got leaked or something. I repented to Allah subhana wa taala so much, i started praying again and reminding myself with my akhirah. But i overthink so so much that maybe something got leaked and 4 years later i may havent found and iam living here peacefully while i may have been gaining sins and maybe my parents find out. 2 years ago when i started my deen journey again i didnt even remember. This days i have cried a lot and i do remember quite a few details about what happened when i sinned and i dont quite remember if that person had screnshoted those pics or anything. I am so scared that my sins may come to light or its just my mind giving me a hard time while overthinking. I am fully making duaa and crying in my prayer mat and i wanna calm myself but i dont know how. Any tips or duaa so i can have a relief and ask Allah for forgiveness and to cover my sins if they have been leaked online? Howncan i improve? Jazakallahu khair ukhti.

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah ♡. it sounds like you're on the right track, you're repenting, crying for forgiveness, and this fear that you have shows that you've changed from how you were in the past. Masha’Allah, Allahumma barik. that's growth.

'Say, “O My servants who have committed excesses against their own souls! despair not of the mercy of Allah, surely Allah forgives all sins. Verily He is Most Forgiving, Merciful' (39:54)

first, keep doing what you're doing - tell Allah that you're sorry and that you don't want the pictures to leak or be seen. ask Him to hide them and never let them be seen. show Him that you really have changed through actions (doing good deeds consistently, even if a little). but then also trust that He will forgive you as He is Al-Ghafoor, Ar-Raheem. one of His names is also As-Sitteer, the Concealer. trust that He loves you, is happy that you've changed yourself and have turned back to Him. why wouldn't He be? the pictures will only leak if Allah wills them to. nothing happens without His permission, not even a leaf falls onto the floor without His permission. not even the wind gently blows without His permission. so if they were to leak, it would only be on His command. so when you ask Him, As-Sitteer, the Concealer, to keep them hidden, trust in His power. trust in His name. continue showing Him that you've changed, continue repenting then let it go. find comfort in Allah's Mercy.

it's going to be okay. focus more on repenting for the sins rather than worrying about the sins being exposed because ultimately, you won't stand before anyone else on the day of judgement. even if people were to see them, you won't stand before them on the day of judgement. you'll all be standing infront of Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ together. He is more important and He's already seen the pictures. so keep repenting and continue your deen journey but trust in His Mercy and Love. if you've truly changed and will continue to change for the better then i'm sure He would want to keep them hidden.

you're already doing all the right things. you just need to have trust in Allah too now. believe in His Love. Allah is as you think of Him. if you think that He is so Loving and Merciful and hears you pleading for forgiveness and to keep them hidden then He will keep them hidden.

at the end of the day, you can't do anything about the pictures now. there's no point stressing about it because it's out of your control. you can't control the future and you can't control the pictures being leaked or not. and you can't change the past. focus on the things you can control, which is your repentance and your growth. i.e the now. so increase your good deeds. do istighfar x100 a day. pray your sunnah prayers on top of your 5 obligatory ones if you don't, and if you already do, then pray some nawafil prayers daily too. read some Qur'an before bed. surah mulk every night for eg. or increase in your dhikr. pick a deed you love and increase it and when they become habits, add more good deeds into your daily routine. leave the rest to Allah. the past is the past. and the future is up to Him. just pray that Allah keeps them hidden, repent, trust in His love and forgiveness and don't sweat it. it's going to be okay. focus on the power you have and leave the rest to Him.

some pointers:

watch this video

hadith: "whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will conceal him (his faults) in this world and the Day of Resurrection" (Sunan Ibn Majah 225)

dua to recite for your situation (do it every day, see if you find comfort after a while!): Allahumma inni as'alukal-'afwa wal-'afiyah fid-dunya wal-akhirah. Allahumma inni as'alukal-'afwa wal-'afiyah fi dini wa dunyaya wa ahli wa mali. Allahum-mastur 'awrati, wa amin raw'ati wahfazni min bayni yadayya, wa min khalfi, wa 'an yamini wa 'an shimali, wa min fawqi, wa 'audhu bika an ughtala min tahti (O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in this world and in the Hereafter. O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in my religious and my worldly affairs. O Allah, conceal my faults, calm my fears, and protect me from before me and behind me, from my right and my left, and from above me, and I seek refuge in You from being taken unaware from beneath me).

sending hugs ♡. breathe, pray, leave it to Allah and trust Him. He is your Protector, He'll keep you safe. believe that He will.

may Allah keep the pics hidden, accept your istighfar, guide you closer to Him and ease your heart, Ameen ♡.

[cerealkiller866]

ramble bc im pissed abt this lol

ignore any bad grammar and run on sentences 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

also cw for some mentions of cp/child abuse! also swearing

have yall seen that guy (im assuming hes on tt/yt, on ig his account is the_internet_sweetheart)? the one with all the face tattoos and such? his whole page is dedicated to calling out people who say mean shit to him? i dont follow him but he pops up in my feed sometimes; normally i think his stuff is pretty funny and i like seeing him be petty, but today i saw a video of him reacting to a comment a woman left on his video where he got a child tattooed on his body. im pretty sure i saw the original video that the comment was left on—basically, a woman left a comment on one of his posts, so he got a picture of her and her child tattooed on him as a ‘gotcha.’ a lot of the time, he digs up dirt on his haters (like being abusive, getting arrested, etc) and roasts them for it, and since theyre all adults (from what ive seen) ive never had an issue with it, but i personally think that this is way too far. if he got a tattoo of just her, i dont really think itd be that big of a deal—sure, its weird and insanely petty, but at the end of the day, an adult consensually putting their pictures online can understand the potential consequences (its also something hes done multiple times before; im not sure exactly how many). a child, however, cannot. if you wanna be petty and troll the trolls, go ahead. be my guest. especially if theyre bad people outside of the internet—if anything, it draws more attention to their harmful behavior. but dragging kids into it is unacceptable, and having a kids face PERMANENTLY TATTOOED ON YOUR BODY is weirdo behavior. like REALLY fucking weird. to be clear, im not accusing this dude of being a pdf/child abuser. i think thats a really awful thing to accuse someone of without evidence or to use as an insult, (partially because youre essentially suggesting that they committed one of the most heinous acts a person can commit and partially because it undermines the seriousness of those actions and genuine accusations), but still. those kids did nothing wrong, and dragging them into the situation to get back at their parents is wicked fucked up. at the end of the day, they did not consent to having their faces on the internet and punishing them for the actions of their parents is just wrong. like imagine growing up and finding out that a random guy on the internet has your baby pictures tattooed on him. thats W E I R D. anyways, this other woman left a comment saying basically “this is really fucked up,” and he basically did the same thing to her (pulled up a picture of her and her kid and got it tattooed). the interesting thing is, he replaced her with art the clown—(as a HUGE terrifier fan i kinda love that lol)—so really, the only person whose face he had was the kid’s (he did that with the first woman too; i forgot who the character was that he replaced her with). the whole point the video was trying to make was ‘dont post your kids on the internet bc people on there will be weird abt it!’ i definitely agree with the message—kids who are too young to consent to having their faces on the internet and under the potential consequences should not be posted (its a bit different if its your personal page with just friends/family; thats usually fine as long as the pictures arent overly embarrassing or things that the kids would reasonably be upset abt later on). still though, i think proving this point by…doing weird stuff with pictures of children wrong? like yeah, sure, its definitely not the worst thing someone could do—especially with advancements in ai/editing technology, making inappropriate images/videos of kids isnt impossible, and the internet is full of creeps who LOVE that shit. even though on the scale of Worst Things You Could Do With Pictures of Kids on the Internet this might be objectively less harmful than making/selling cp of them or putting them in pdf spaces, its still wrong. you just dragged an innocent kid into a situation that they should have no involvement in and, if anything, made their pictures more public by posting them on your platform. to be cont.

[transgaypiratesanta]

so I’ve seen some posts of quotes from the oxventure, and OH BOY. I have full-on NOTES about the oxventure and every piece of canon and fan theories I can get my grubby little paws on, AND I HAVE A LOT OF QUOTES. SO…. HAVE FUN WITH THESE!

DND

“Spicy… like a rat.”

“You asked the whales name?” “I’m just thoughtful like that.”

“Always check your bonfires for hedgehogs.”

“Needless to say Cthulhu is pleased and lunch is ruined”

“Oh no the cube! Not the cube!”

“He looks like dob but somehow evil and sexy”

“Nooooo… my mojo…”

“Oh you totally give the baby a dagger!” “That’s parenting 101”

“I flinch greasily.”

“Guys be real are we murder hobo’s?”

“I just wanna say I’m really proud of the amount of murder we’ve done.”

“Have you heard of the guild of the national trust?”

“Oo man I can’t wait to get redemption let’s kill everyone.”

“Do you have pamphlets?” “Let’s bore them to death!”

“Decisive action: throw that cat.”

“I have a moral objection but I’m going to let it happen because this seems cool.”

“🎵it’s getting hot in here. And they will all explode🎵”

“I lick the book and I am pleased”

“I know a lot of my plans revolve around watching dob sleep”

“Shut your filthy mouth Corazon”

“Let’s have a spooky sleepover.”

“Nature is beautiful.” “It sure was”

“+4! +2! +2! NUMBERS!”

“It’s not on fire or anything!” “Not yet, give me time!”

“We’re gonna have a sleepover in this crypt!”

“It couldn’t have been me-meant? If it wasn’t already… broked. That’s what I’ve always said”

“🎵maaaagic hand! Come out of my real hand!🎵”

“Wear whatever you want! Your bones, probably.”

“Their prudence hat”

“Is it orphans? You gotta tell us if it is.” “Ah. It’s orphans boss.”

“Skeletons… AHHHHHH”

“I love these loophole skeletons!”

“I would like to attempt to cast mend on the orphans”

“We just want less orphan juice”

“I’m imagining you making a snowman out of orphan paste”

“Oooo Skeletons be dexterous”

“We’re all team skeleton just some of us have flesh on top”

“I never liked you Kevin”

“Guys I’m not not in trouble”

“And then I turn the internal heat dial to cremation”

“BETTER OUT THAN IN DOES NOT APPLY TO ORGANS”

“MY ORGANS!”

“Do you want a vomit hug?”

“I’m putting my foot down on the husks.” “But then they’d just burst!”

“Is it bad that bear me wants to eat the husks? No I won’t I’ll be good”

“And I’m trying desperately to remain eye contact with HER, and not look at you guys swimming around in sandwiches”

“It’s in runes or something what is that?” “That’s a seven.”

“The consequences! They’re here again!”

“Meowwww” “I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!”

“Awh. And I’ve got his BOOTS!”

“Dob what did I tell you about necromancy?”

“Let’s put capitalism in the lake!”

“We can always claim it’s the fireworks show!” “NOT IF WE’RE DEAD!”

“Dogs are bound in skin!”

“MERILWEN THERES A BEAR! GO TURN INTO A BEAR OR FIGHT IT… or marry it… or something”

“Have we tried to befriend the footprints?” “Talk to the footprints!”

“Two very impulsive boi’s”

“Grease man from the ocean”

“Respectfully yeet him off the mountain.” “A somber yeet”

“If I was in something for 2 years”

“I saw the holes on the front and thought ‘that must be all the holes’ but then I looked on the back and there was ANOTHER HOLE THERE!”

“What are you dreaming about?” “Salmon.”

“Oh no they’ll take over the world with inexpensive furniture!”

“Break his spirit.” “And his back 😈”

“3 dimensional chess is just chess!”

“AUGH. OH YES. BISQUE 😩”

“What’s in this drawer? Dob? Oh no that’s a paperclip.” 

“Person in charge of the Prudence mech”

“🎵yees I’m the best at thunderwave turns out!🎵”

“My shin!” “My Shin!” “… our Shin.”

“DID YOU JUST SUGGEST MERILWEN COMMIT AUTOCANNIBALISIM IN BEAR FORM?”

“I’m just a chicken walking around with a flameblade”

“🎵Eleanor rigbee, lived in a hive because she was a bee. Whooedy whee!🎵”

“The pirate. Didn’t. Say that.”

“This is the energy in the room we’re all going to regret later” “says that of the orphanage.” “I regretted it later!”

“Though he could discover spoons at any point”

“Phase one: walk to crime. Phase two: do crime”

“I’ll just do it and be a legend”

“In a way we’re already married in a very deep and legal way.” “For tax purposes.”

“Why is there so much tentacle milk here?”

“You just hear anarchy noises from out the window”

“We’re running out of time before he murders us accidentally with an idiom” “with beans”

“I’m buying ecstasy from an owl?”

“The sounds of muffled pirate violence”

“She might just destroy the world, which is where we keep all our stuff!”

“I faint.” “Okay dob’s having a short rest” “OH YEAH!”

“Thick orange hot water”

“She’s got the cutest little forces of darkness 🥰”

“As the Druid, no.” “As the dm, INSPIRATION!”

“I cast shatter on the only planet we have”

“I cast fracking”

“WE. ARE. COASTAL!”

“The eldrich being Flannery”

“We’re fracking landlords”

“Now we leave you and see if you go buduhduhduhduh”

“Cattle go missing, we never find out what happens to all the Harris’s” “season over.”

“It’s practically a victimless crime, unless there’s a victim, in which case hopefully it’s a hard to trace crime”

“I grease Merilwen to give her the best chance”

“WHY AM I DYING?”

“Because you told me to piss off!” “So you did THIS?” “yeah” “I HAVE MINUTES TO LIVE!” 

“How’s the shat?”

“I cast mending on our friendship 🥺”

“How does a jackle… lift a bunch of cars?” “I don’t know.” “You jack ‘em all.” *weird laughter*

“Yes. No more pain where you’re going friend. No, you’re not very nice actually.”

“Well, solved the Richard problem!” “But what about the Dob problem”

“It’s very demeaning, so okay.”

“Well no Millie or ori that is obviously not okay. Little idiot.”

“Oh I HATE nature”

“Who wants in on my corpse sled idea?”

“Dob.” *quiet laughter* “oh no.”

“I give them an appraising look as if sizing up their corpses”

“I am literally everyone else in the world which means I am the best at sighing crying sad goodbying to my plot, the npc’s, the sanctity of lore…”

“These patrons aren’t gonna lick themselves!”

“Ohhhh it’s a sex thing.”

“Rule 3 no kink shaming.” “Damn right.”

“He drifts out the door… to go find something to kiss.”

“WAIT! I’ve had a thought! I want to kiss the dragon man.”

“Well. You’ve effed this right up Dob.”

“Well, if you’re dreaming about that, it’s probably out to get you.” “Every time you sleep, it gets a little bit closer.”

“It is always agonising Johnny!”

“Let me use my bonus action to slip in my own grease”

“All things must drink. I say wisely, and inaccurately”

“You take 4 points of… becoming soup damage”

“It occurs to all of you, and pardon my infernal, this is a shit idea.”

“Why do i have find steed if it’s not a rodeo?”

“I cough up some hemp and rope.” “Oh perfectly horrifying! Sure, yeah.”

“We never elected a leader!” “How could you talk to your leader like that?”

“I like turning into a cat all the time, the problem is I can’t do it.”

“that horny crew member sticks his head out to watch”

“So it’s slightly uncomfortable… and you outlive all your lovers… sounds like a good thing!”

“I wish to arrest Cthulhu now start screaming”

BLADES IN THE DARK

“Sir we’re in an antique shop.”

“What a great excuse to do some crime, though!”

“Nothing bad has ever happened to me in my entire life, I don’t think it’s going to start now!”

“Is it meant to be on fire? Because it’s on fire.”

“ITS A MASTERCLASS! It’s not a masterclass…”

“Classic squiffy, what a lad.”

“Hey! I need you to do me a favour! Well I say a favour, I’m compelling you.”

“We do a literal hitman, as in you run up, and hit the man.”

“He’ll live, but not well.”

“Spinning tops in places you don’t want them”

“I want a ghost who���s obsessed with me!”

“Everyone’s going out the front door! I’m just gonna set the house on fire!”

“Here’s what happens Barnaby, you glorious liability.”

“Have you heard about this thing called a union?” “… Let’s montage the rest of this conversation”

“Roll me for ‘Dave? Dave!’”

“Barbaby and workers rights are on the opposite end on the political spectrum”

“It’s not apoplectic with rage, it’s apoplectic with being right.”

“Fresh fish!” “Lovely crimes!”

“It’s going terribly here in the present! Maybe it went better in the past!” “Let’s retreat to the safety of the past.”

“I didn’t want to taste the sweat of the poor in the air!”

“So you want to be a nice, clean, sanitised butcher?”

“It’s like riding a bike” “a violent bike” “it’s like punching a bike”

“I came here to study ghosts, not become one!” “Imagine how much study you could do if you became one!” “I can’t hold pens!”

“The gilded idiot”

“Hands in the middle. Aaaaand dead Barnaby!”

“I’m choking a guy out… with my thighs”

“I smile. In a way that  conveys limitless rage”

“I do not want to be traumatised because of archiving!”

“Won’t someone think of the molluscs?”

“Lilly and Zilly on a wedding adventure”

“Generally I judge things, but sometimes I choke them unconscious”

“The tiny urchins really wanted us to do it”

“No one tell him he has NO SOUL”

“Who is this anthropomorphic mouse?” (It was a child)

“Sorry I tried to fix it with fish”

“I’m going to start a clock that the wonderful mechanical man is working on without any of you”

“Are these children going to be okay?” “We’re they okay to begin with?”

“Stop making out with that brick!” “I’m not- do you know what making out is, Edvard?”

“I let my hatred of stairs get the better of me”

“I’m furious at my forearm.”

“It’s a piece of trash! Looks like something Edvard would make!”

“Mechanical man parts”

“Moving on briefly from infanticide, good job, I just asked you for your name”

“A healing cloak is quite hard to fill so I thought stuff that, I’ve acquired 2 giant goats”

DEADLANDS

“How old are you?” “Old enough. Are you old enough to make good decisions?” 

“No more digging graves for neat, I’m gonna be putting people in graves for money!”

“I had a mule once.”

“That’s adulthood. Being angry all the time, but pushing it down until it’s the right time.”

“Have you ever met someone in your life who doesn’t like jerky?”

“I REMEMBER IT BEING A SIN”

“Let’s hope they’re extremely religious”

“Yeah well Andy’s lying, Andy wants us to fail.”

“I like to drink milk after I shoot two men in the throat”

“Very well then, Mr… not free”

“As you pass by the door, it does clip on the brim of your hat and it falls over your eyes and you can’t see anything.”

“Okay, okay.” *silence* “AAAAAAAH”

“I look at the other one, which seems like his spirit it hasn’t been broken yet 😡”

“I’m saying it nicely but in my head im like: I will kill you later.”

“Not trying to be rude, why do you smell so bad? I’m not trying very hard”

“Contracted late-stage tuberculosis. Got better.”

“Animal that’s been jerked”

“Tell me your life story”

“JERRY WHY”

“Horses can play, and you’re worried about if they can sit?”

“I’ve got a d8, but it’s now -2, because I’m DEAD”

*stabs someone in the eye* “oh sorry, I simply stopped paying attention!”

“Heck. Furthermore, dang.”

“One of the strangulation ones.” “Oh fun!”

“Is sharp rope a thing? WELL SHARPEN IT.”

“Sticky mc bang bang!”

“It was a terrible crime, I cut my lawn and i cut it too short. Anyway I’m to be hanged.”

“The cell is now swarming with ants.” “Yay!”

“Murder, for example, would be a no no!”

“He’s the same old Nate he’s just soft and cold”

[chatpileroan]

okay so the speedrun version of this post is "i think that d'arce, known very religious knight, could be called to action to take the girl into the god of the depths while i think that cahara could not."

more beneath the cut for my full explanations and reasonings but this is long i dont wanna clog peoples stuff

my belief in that statement is not because i think cahara wouldnt care about the girl or anything, but when asking the question "what character would reasonably think themselves able to protect a child while getting what they need to get done, done," the answer is 100% d'arce and kind of. definitely not cahara. like, it isnt a case of "would see a child and not want to help her", its that when asking who would let a child Be Their Responsibility In The Dungeons theres like, one answer. the other likely case Would be ragnvaldr because he would 100% be sympathetic to her but hes on a slaughter vengence death quest i DONT think he would involve a child in that (and what happened with him is accounted for in termina, with one of his descendants existing, so we Know he made it out). d'arce is a knight who sees herself as incredibly capable, even to degrees beyond her actual ability, and would absolutely take in the girl with the idea that she could take care of her And search for le'garde.

cahara is in the dungeons to get loot and to get le'garde so he can be paid for it. he has a girlfriend and an unborn baby to go back to and has way more reason to go into ma'habre when le'garde insists he and the player character go deeper because hes looking for loot to make it rich. the ancient untouched city? literally what could be better for Exactly what cahara is looking to do? d'arce, however, is a joan of arc figure, both visually and in her deeply super-not-christian All-mer... everythingness. d'arce would, absolutely, upon receiving a vision from nilvan requesting that she to bring her daughter to the depths agree and follow through with it. especially if she thinks to herself that she can look for le'garde at the same time, and just never comes across him. and not to be like "cahara would take one look at the god of the depths mouth-hole and go 'i am absolutely not doing that'" but. well. i don't think i'm wrong to safely assume that. i just don't think that he would commit to it if asked by nilvan. maybe he would try, but i don't think he'd commit.

now, for a bit of why i think it would all just go together More, if we see it as this way; cahara's S ending has him live in fear. he gets everything he wants, but the dungeons haunt him. he never really knows peace. the prophecy ending is about escaping and being haunted, and then decades later after hearing about him and his conquests, seeing the yellow king go by and finding yourself horrified when you see that le'garde hasn't aged, and that something about him is deeply, deeply wrong. more wrong than anything you'd seen before, wrong in a new way. the two would just go hand in hand to make a perfect mix; cahara helping le'garde get deeper inside of ma'habre, and then doing nothing to prevent him from becoming what he wants to become. what business of that is his? cahara just wants to get out and get out with the riches he found. him submitting and allowing le'garde to do as he pleases would just make sense.

now, on the flipside, it would make sense for d'arce to do all this too, of course. but! i just think that it would be... a bit nice, even, just to think about the possibility that d'arce was able to, in a way, redeem herself for what she was complicit in as part of the knights of the midnight sun by helping birth a new god that was loved and loved her in return. taking her S ending as canon with her being part of le'garde's... everything that comes with it makes her complicit further in his awful crimes and of all of it, she does it for nothing. her lack of mention would mean that, rather than dying in obscurity but dying loved and peacefully, as part of something bigger, she just... despite being what brought le'garde back, brought him his power, and allowed him to become what he was, she's just... gone. completely wiped from history in all mentions. and while this would be fitting, in a grim way for sure, i think that cahara's ending affinity mixability with the prophecy ending and the direct, closer ties of the prophecy ending leading to the yellow king everything and all just tracks. it would make sense, is all.

theres the counterargument that d'arce's fate can only be attributed to her S ending because if you use rot on le'garde in termina, it shows a form like the one from her ending. but honestly, i don't think this sets it in stone, considering that the gods are shown to have multiple forms, especially ones more grotesque than the ones they project outwardly/are portrayed as in artistic works. and also rot does just sorta... do that, so i mean, i'm just not really convinced from that alone that it confirms d'arce's S ending.

this also, disclaimer, is not me saying "its impossible for cahara to be the one who did the girl ending", it's me saying that it could just as easily make sense, if not make a little bit More sense in my humble opinion, that d'arce could have done it instead, since the possibility is written off as impossible on the wiki. simply food for thought! yaaaay d'arce we love you d'arce

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

[chaosverseline]

Memes

When imu first met crocodile (note :crocodile is trans here and was assigned female at birth, he is really a male, but in here he is still a baby)

Imu :okay! 😃Grandma is here! Now where is that baby!

Imu:(Sees baby crocodile) 😍gimme!gimme!gimme! Come on,where is she.where is she.

imu:(sees Edward Newgate) (>:0) yeah, I see you son in law, you’re chopped liver, where is the baby.

Yraif :(hands the baby to imu)

imu: Oh! 🥹 oh!

-five minutes later-

imu: I know you told me not to get you any clothes but….(holds up the armful of shopping bags 🛍) they partially jump in the cart!

-one second later-

imu:(cooing over their first grandchild) oh~! Isn’t she … just… god..

-2 minutes later-

imu: I know you said you have enough enough quilts,but….(pulls out a well done quilt from a box) I crochet them on the way in.

— much time later-

baby crocodile: (baby cries)Waaah— wah!

imu: OK, 😨(panicking) grandma got it,grandma got it 😰

imu:(sees *insert someone *rushing in)

imu: (demon mode)NOBODY ELSE TOUCHES THE KID, GRANDMA GOT IT!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

* silence *

imu: 😅(calms down)whew, grandma have a little stroke , but I got u now.

—-at the end——-

imu:(to yraif and Edward Newgate) no pressure but… I want another one, make it happen.

—— after god valley——

imu: seriously? You two got 6 ass long years and still no 2nd kid? Then who else I can spoil! Did you two forgot how it works? Newgate , did you put it in the right place? Ah, well, it too late now, I’m taking yriaf with me, yes, young lady , you’re grounded for the next 20 years for this stupid stunt. Pray I didn’t extend it to 70 years.

————————————————————————-

You want beer?

imu: yriaf meet your father. I hope you two would get along.

xebec:…. Um…..

xebec: (holds up a beer glass 🍺) you want a beer?

imu:(smacks xebec head) (((ꎤ ✧曲✧)̂—̳͟͞͞o ShE is four! 🤬

xebec: I DONT KNOW! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER?! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

imu: this wouldn’t happen if you didn’t left when she still a baby!

[afterwards]

narrator: xebec d rocks slept on the couch that night. Despite the rocky meeting, xebec eventually became a girl dad and charmed his way back into imu’s graces after a round of make up s*x. Which lasted for another 10 years until imu got annoyed with his lack of spousal commitment and xebec being always running off to his ship for another adventure and yeah, the whole I-want-to-take-over-the-world thing.

——————————————————————————-

Xebec and imu’s red flag

xebec:Hey girl, what's your favorite film?They said

imu: the best movie of all, a masterpiece of art called Human Centipede, Human Centipede(shadowy arms spout from their back)

Xebec: I think that I'm gonna get murdered tonight.

Xebec: I try to get the waiter's attention by blinking in morse code

Imu: (creepy)Why are you blinking so much?

Xebec:(rubbing the corners of his eye)I've got something in my eye

Imu:(shows really sharp fingernails)Here, let me get it out.

xebec:no thank you, I don't wanna die.

Saint elder: (dress up as a waiter and whispering at xebec ear)Bonjour, sir was blinking at me, is this because your date is a freak?

xebec and saint elder:(looks at imu, they are making a figure out of toothpicks and olives, in the chest of the figure is impaled with toothpicks)

Xebec:No

Saint elder:Very good then, bon appétit

—————————————————————————-

Amateurs

Donquixote Doflamingo : I am the first celestial dragon pirate!

Sir crocodile: I was there before you, you only publicized yourself as a celestial dragon so everyone can kiss your feet!

?: amateurs.

Doflamingo: What was that, punk?!

Yriaf : Amateurs.<——sailed under xebec d rocks as an active crew member undetected for 20 years prior to the god valley incident. A long time before either two amateurs ever came along.

every member of the d clan who are pirates: Hi. <——even though they are not celestial dragons,but they are still related to the nerona clan regardless, as the D clan are all related to imu’s half siblings at one point.

————————————————

Five elder stars: we need an army.

imu: I can take on xebec.

elder stars: in a fight right?

imu:……….:)

elder stars: in a fight right??😨

—————-/———pigeon meme——-

imu: (to literally anyone in close proximity to child/grandchildren/great grandchildren ) is this a new in law I need to torture?

[emperorcartagia]

thoughts about my oc/canon stuff under the cut.

so. aurellio and refa. aurellio was essentially born as a joke, saying "what if i made a centauri oc lmfao" and also, "what if, as a parallel to londo and adira, refa had his own dancer in a pre-canon timeline back home on centauri prime and they were both boys!" since yknow. refa is such an effective foil to londo i figured it would be a fun, kinda cute idea.

i also think it does narratively fit in well with b5. take londo, who isnt the best example but we see him commit all these horrible acts but we know about his love for adira, before we even see him start to reform or even start to really commit atrocities we know he has a heart. we find this out in the third episode. spectacularly done.

a better example of this would actually be bester, one of my other absolute favorite side villains. bester was never redeemed. bester, however, is given opportunities for the audience to see his heart. irt his family, his expectant lover, and his somewhat emotional reactions to the telepaths dying in season 5, though caused by him. we still hate him, he never gets redeemed, his love for the people in his life does still exist and doesnt excuse or justify his actions. it gives him a lot of depth that i also really enjoyed!

that is kind of what i'm trying to do with refa. aurellio is a late 20 something year old centauri who is majorly unaware of what refa is doing or does or will do in relation to his schemes to rise to power. i also think that in this pre-canon timeline (around 2253-2257) is when refa is doing little things to slowly climb to where we see him in the show. he always had a lot of power being the lord of his house so he didnt need to do much, but i think the ten or so years leading up to his appearance in the show was a slow, hands-off rise to power. so aurellio, who has no real relation to House Refa aside from being a patron, isnt involved or knowledgeable about house refa's politics.

i would get into the "refa is a good family man" headcanon i have but tldr: celes was his last wife because he chose her. he chose her because he genuinely loved her and he chose to have senna. his other wives and his other children operate moreso like londos wives and him did where there was no love and only obligation. so senna and celes get favored. senna cared enough about her father to throw rocks at londos head years later about it, so i think that they did have a good relationship. refa spoiled her, would do anything for her, which was strange for a noble centauri man to be so obsessed with his youngest daughter. maybe he knew she was always destined for greatness. weh. and well, when this baby is like "dad, i wanna be a ballerina" like most 3 year old girls want to be, he says "of course my love, let me find you the best teacher possible": enter aurellio. who he chooses. who senna also chooses.

so yknow. refa gets a boy toy as a treat. aurellio is almost a part of his family as a treat. they kinda sorta love each other, as a treat, and it also works with aurellio's unconventional relationships he has with his lesbian wife bestie and her twin, the actual love of his life. so like yay centauri polyamory.

i just feel like sometimes i have to justify doing what i'm doing with my oc/canon stuff bc 1. it's refa🤢 and 2. ive been in fandoms before that were hostile to me about liking villains And trying to expand on them and make them more than what the show gives us. im VERY satisfied with refa's character in the show. these headcanons arent filling a void that was missing because i dont think they needed to be expanded on in canon, i just like refa/the centauri/my centauri oc and expanding on centauri lore is fun. so 🤷‍♂️

if you wanna read my fic about aurellio and refa, here it is

i will also say i really do appreciate the kind words ive gotten about this because lol i was nervous about it due to previous experiences where stuff about not only my taste for the villains but also my ocs has gotten me harassed, vagued, made fun of to my face, etc. so thank you for being so kind 💫 i'm so happy aurellio is loved because i love him a lot as well.

[kozykricket]

ive realized my... biggest social fear of sorts is like.

well, ill just say. i need to let myself just decide "hey, im gonna go do something else actually" if im. with someone but not like deep into something. if im just chattin with someone, i shouldnt feel BAD for popping out to do something else that catches my interest it ends up making me overthink about when to chat with someone, honestly. cus im like mmm i might want to do something else soon though and id feel bad starting conversation if im just gonna leave soon... i think its out of a fear of like. this person might think im just trying to avoid them, or that i dont like hanging out with them for example tonight, i was playing mc with a friend. and i went to take the dogs out. the ... temperature was really nice out, i realized. and i... thought about maybe just taking a little walk myself after taking the dogs in. but then i was like agh no im already committed to talking with my friend, and i just said id be right back. what i wish i had done? is just ... gone to my computer, said "hey, something caught my interest n i kinda wanna do it now. you alright if we hang out later?" what i actually did was ... just ditch the nice walk at night that i genuinely wanted to do, to play with him more.

tl;dr i fear making it seem like i dont wanna hang out with people, and im nervous about talking to someone for a short amount of time bc i feel like it HAS to be like a BIG commitment. and so i dont really let myself pop out to do other things as often. and if i do, i feel really bad

[the-firebird69]

We hit something else. I'm putting out the code, and they're going at it, and they're starting to see it, and it's good. we do. We do need code for this stuff down in the cavern. If anyone can think of where it is. also, our son needs to get some rest. He's tired right now. Very tired.. there's more going on all night, but it's more of the same.

There are some things happening that we can update. John Remallard is very. sick. He has stage 4 cancer level 5. and to make it a stage 5 cancer it has to be fully mesticized in the bone and that hasn't happened and they're hoping he goes for treatment. There's other things.

--Our son was exposed today, and we're doing it on purpose. And he did a decent job. Found out that he was real thirsty And sometimes happens. and the water made him feel almost instantly better. And that's also a sign that his giant. Last The last time we spoke, our son was at. about 77 percent of the exterior of the body. And it was regarding the destruction of the large amounts of medicine stuck in Lipoma in a little bit in other areas. Mostly it's in my poma and fatty tissues. Throughout the day he was. flowing through the air and he was riding around and he was in the sun. He saw a shade so he could stay there. There was a breeze and he saw a puffy clouds and a whole bunch of them and couldn't see any haze or any vertical steam columns So he just sat there most of the time. It was about a 1.8 rad. and it went up to 2.0 for 20 minutes, three times. It's not extremely high, but it's not exactly low. and we recalculated and he will. be at about 67% tomorrow morning. That is much better.

-- We do have other news. John Remelard. Was asked to leave yesterday? for a per a formal Mac. Pseudo Empire request. And it was strong because it was old way of doing it. Then it's not done too much for this very respected and John Remaard both Enmarked it later on. with ferocity. and he was again requested to leave in a second notice. and they gave him stipulations of where to be and when and how long to be outside and that kind of thing. As they give a deadline, they don't wanna see him messing around. or they'll haul him in.

-- And they are cruising. for the third notice. I guess you need to allow them a full day. and that would be tomorrow and Friday might be the 5th. If they are still here when you think they will be And it's really obnoxious what they're doing. And we mean the more lock Max.

-- Another item going on, it's pretty big And, yeah, the whole crew is asked. They do not want to see this man around our son ever again. And they're sending out orders to shoot anyone supporting him doing it, and then going after Monday. centers to protect his stuff and they're going out to Social Security people who are not obeying the law. And we're doing it in a big way. And John Remaard has stupid things to say to our son and they're telling him not to say anything And the our panelizing him. right where it works out.

-- They are also attempting to reload. the money to Florida saying it was their code. The Mac. Morlock are not allowing it.

Morlock are not allowing it.

-- Along with the above there are. several actions going on that are backing up their two requests or written orders or unread orders actually and they are performing those here and all over the world. and at Wald in areas. If they are disruptive.we fel they invad all walled aras to foce them out and taekethem ove and now too

are threaeting allover to do this

Thor Freya

Olympus

we do it yeh and have to

mc daddy now too michale need it now jtin and haeve to ken

dont have a choice to stop now are committed to being nazis yes wont work for them need out of here yes this idiot too a moron big joe

true it is dumb

Zues Hera

we hate youall for it

trump all the pwudo empire

this blows

bja

[sadistic-softie]

My guilt is kind of "at odds"-ish with my stepmoms guilt. HUGE VENT (ignore if it bothers you)

my stepmom disagrees that i should cut contact and she keeps really pushing for me to see my mom and it literally makes my body involuntarily shake and twitch with stress because I'm trying so hard toe explain why I don't want to and she keeps playing advocate and it's playing into my self doubt and guilt complex bs i've got going on

and i feel bad because im secretly angry that she keeps comparing my suidical response to my mother to things like not liking a job, unfulfilled dreams, etc, because i was feeling suicidal because I felt helpless, trapped, exhausted, and like there was no way out, but she insisted on telling me to take my mom out of the equation and think about how im gonna be suicidal another time in my life too as if i don't know that.

She was saying that because she wants me to not be surprised by being suicidal later on and end up commiting and i had to reassure her i wouldn't commit but the reason i even bring it up in the first place is because it's not normal for a specific person to make you feel suicidal every day but she has so much of her own guilt and empathy about my mother that she's deadset on defending her in any any everyway possible and is all but saying that im making the wrong choice by going no contact and keeps insisting im gonna regret it in the future and insisting that i need to be friends with her as an adult

and getting visibly frutrated with me when i explain why I feel like that would be a bad idea for everyone involved and that I gave her so so so many chances but she feels like ive given my mom no chance but I know what it's like not to get a second chance. ajsdbbkskejnf I know i know shes telling me these things because she cares and loves me and wants me to have all the options so i can make the best decision but her opinion is very clear. I know shes only thinking this way and saying these things because she wants whats best for me and doesnt want me to have regrets later in life

and she keeps reiterating that she doesnt wanna step on my moms feet due to the nature of her role as a step parent and also that she understands that because she wasnt there, she doesn't know what it was like or how i felt. but...It all just makes me feel like she doesn't believe me. Like she thinks im exaggerating. she even asked me if it could maybe be that "Im being to hard on my mom" and that it "wasn't as bad as it seemed" and kept making me look back in retrospect to "find out" if it wasn't so bad or i was being "to hard on her" because of her experience with her sensitive son who gets his feelings hurt very easily.

"im not saying you can't handle it, but (son) can't handle it with me...hes too hard on me and im just wondering if maybe it's a similar thing with you ad your mom" I try to explain myself and i did tell her word for word, "I could sit here and tell you the way i feel over and over but it would never really convey the experience and the way I felt" i know she means well and her response is her way of kind of defending/helping the future me but god it's so complicated. AS IF i dont already constantly guilt and doubt myself and worry im being too sensitive and dramatic about it all.

This conversation keep happening and its gotten to the point where its so often i can already recognize it coming by the look on her face beforehand. That sad pitying smile. It makes me feel like such an asshole because i know that there's a huge chance that in her head im just being a stubborn cunt who can't see the way. the conversation gives my body the same involuntary response as it gets from standing out in the cold for too long.

I LITERALLY SHIVER WITH STRESS. I DONT FUCKING EVER DO THAT UNLESS SOMETHING ABOUT MY MOM COMES UP. DOES THAT MEAN NOTHING?? IS THAT INDICITIVE OF NOTHING??? like, im sorry, i love my mom to death. i used to put her on a pedestal. she was always right to me. i defended her tooth and nail because she was everything to me and i all but worshiped her until i realized how fucking unhealthy that was and how shit it made me feel and how shit it made my life in general.

holy shit. Like, fuck. I just need to know if I'm still making the right decision. That's all I ever wanted in my life was to just do the right things the right way to be a decent person and it seems like I never fucking can. To clarify, im not mad at her, im just mad in general because this whole situation is so FUCKING COMPLICATED

im trying to hard not to guilt myself for wanting to cut ties with the person who made me want to kms because i know i didn't do anything wrong but this kind of stuff makes it so fucking hard and frustrating. Im just lucky she talks about it like a civil fucking human being instead of shitting on me like the person she feels so bad for. I just hate being looked at with that forced fucking pity smile like im pretending and making this shit up because im being silly and don't know no better

God, i fucking hate it i hate it i hate it i know i seem fucking nuts but im telling ths truth and im not a fucking idiot!

[hellsideangel]

Yes more on aoi. Mainly cuz this character resonated with me. Rn I'm labelling myself as biaro (bisexual aromantic) and so I saw alot of myself in this character (thou I know it's mainly projecting cuz I don't believe she fits into any specific category).

SHIT FORGOT TO SAY WARNING SPOILERS. WOOPS. MAYBE DONT READ MY POST BEFORE THIS ONE?

At the beginning shes presented as a weirdo which gets makatos interest which I love. Cuz I tend to make friends weirdly out of no where due to curiosity and weirdness. And she took noticed that makato was special compared to everyone else which peaked her interest leading to be her falling in "love" without knowing it wasn't love. I understand being confused and unsure about feelings what one should feel and what one does. An it is really complicated because there is love, lust, admiration, interest, curiosity, fun, obsession, uniqueness and well it's hard to know what if what your feeling someone sets within the boundaries of society. Would this be considered friends? Closer than friends? Family? Lovers? Because I tend to get close people easily and it took growing to realise and be aware of boundaries not to cross the romantic line and mislead people including myself.

Anyways, something about Makato drew her in and she accepted Makato as Makato no matter how Makato appeared. In fact she liked being able to see the 2 versions and kinda came of as pervert. But with her it seems she doesn't really think the way most do. Even with the question of do I join basketball or do I reject them. She very clearly went you don't wanna commit so just join when U feel like, why choose do both. And I feel like I look at creatures the same way. They just are what they are. And this pressure to pick a category to just live the way you want resonates with me.

Anyways, the way she hits on Makato felt sexually bi so when the turning point hit and it was revealed that she actually didn't love Makato I felt quite happy to see some form of biaro even if that isn't who aoi is. And they way they presented it with her grandmother blindly wishing for aoi to find her special someone or something to love and how she masks to reassure her grandmother since she knows the grandmother means no ill will. But she wished for it.

Later they introduce this idea of loving something so much something to die for. Since her father is a whale fanatic whales are what was special to him. Introducing this idea that if it can't be someone it could be something and how she jealous that she doesn't have either. In a way I feel the same as a kid I wasn't hyper about rock or pasta. I just didn't find it as boring as everything else. It started with a misunderstanding that pasta was my "favourite" and I kinda went with it. Soon enough I kinda discovered a range of different pasta dishes what I liked and didn't like and somehow made it special to me. With rock it was slight interest. But once I deep dived I found meaning and reasons to stay obsessed. Now I can safely say I love these things. I wouldn't necessarily die for them but I couldn't imagine living without them either.

So for aoi. I feel like she's in love with the idea of being in love. Having someone. And frankly her home life sucks and she's very lonely. She also masks her real wants for the people around her as if she's scared of she doesn't be easy going they won't come back again. This need to be liked. I wouldn't say I had that but as a kid I tended to bounce from one person to the next trying to make friends with people who clearly didn't want to. Didn't really understand fake friends boundaries rejection. I just saw it as this looks fun you guys look happy can I join? It used to be a distraction. Idk if it's the same for aoi but it seemed like a distraction from the fact she's lonely and has no one close to her.

When ryuji comes over to her place after a scare (aoi knows ryuji loves Makato) she says in roundabout words the only reason I'm relying on u rn is because I know U don't like me. I wouldn't be stuck masking it's ok since it wouldn't be an issue dragging u here. It would be if U liked me. (Since she wants to be liked not disliked) And I kinda of get the logic. It's alot more difficult when Ur like this to deal with people that like. The feeling you owe the people that like you to not disappoint them.

Anyways, she then says the begining thing I reposted that if his love falls throu and she doesn't love anyone either in the future can they live together. Which I just love because alot of aro feel this way. Wanting to connect and be close platonically. For me I guess I want the same but it's more complex so not getting into that but it goes to show she wants permission to be close to someone without the heartbreak of breaking someone's heart because Ur unable to fulfil their desires. The idea of suppressed Ur own desires for the sake of others. Then ryuji responds that'll never happen. Ull be fine. She cried and he goes you're actually pretty dark Hu? Which I love can't explain.

And then later Makato has a moment with aoi and might love her proving he doesn't love ryuji despite dating him. In this moment he says the words she'd been dying to hear I'd be there for U always. Mainly cuz she's been lonely her whole life even her family isn't a constant so a friend whose seemingly safe cuz they meant to be dating Ur other friend hugging U in Ur darkest moment saying I'll be there fills U with hope that being aro (whether or not aoi is) doesn't necessarily mean being alone.

She also has a momentary panic is this ok? Because she knows she's the third wheel. And the way she tries to get them together l, stay away and distance herself is something I love being portrayed because it's a sad truth. At least for me, once a relationship has been established U can't be as close, U have to distance and I've lost alot of friendships that way. In this one thou they return to her or that it's ok and stay close even thou she basically does break up their relationship. However that's good because Makato wasn't gonna fall for ryuji even without aoi. Which is nice to see that it shouldn't have so much pressure to not be the tag along not get in the way not mess it up.

The: is this ok? might also stem from is it ok to lean on someone knowing you can't love them back? Which is one most struggle with.

Anyways the depth of the relationships and characters is astonishing. I only picked aoi mainly cuz I was surprised how much I related and personally I love her depiction especially when she let the mask fall and it all got too real.

But I also love makatos story and depiction as well and ryujis.

#u never asked for this

#overshare

#need to share after watching and feeling

#this is my opinion don't come for me

#yes I know it's long sos 😜

#senpai wa otokoto? Okonotoko? Okotokonoko? Have I spelt that wrong? Oh well.

#my appol

I am so hooked on this anime!! Ugh. I swear she's giving the aroace vibes! With the previous episodes, it feels like she's trying to convince herself that she loves her senpai. But I think she's just in love with the concept of falling in love because she thinks that's what's normal. I'd be bummed out if that wouldn't be the case because tbh this is a good representation of being an aroace. Like I can totally relate to Aoi. I've been through this phase before. And even now I am also considering living with someone who's also aroace (if the chance presents itself, of course living alone would be fine too).

I do hope the series will have a proper ending. Taiga is already aware that he's gay but we can't say the same for Makoto. I think we are yet to figure out whether Makoto will actually fall in love with Taiga or not. He crossdresses and he likes girly stuff but that doesn't mean he's gay based on that. I just hope they get to fix their relationship. Whether Makoto would remain friends or pursue a relationship with either of the two. If Makoto prolongs his relationship with Taiga without developing feelings for him, that would be really unfair for Taiga. I feel bad for Taiga accepting to go out with Makoto simply because Makoto doesn't want his friendship with Taiga to turn bad. That would just be too unfair. :(