#but i dont think thats even possible with this clusterfuck

[phagodyke]

I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹

[eraserheadadult]

it was specifically watching funeral parade of roses & stop hibari kun that sent me on a rabbit hole about this lol but oh my gd queer translation is so interesting... how do you translate stuff thats so deeply culturally specific. how would you translate "dyke" or "faggot" into another language when the roots of these words and why theyre used to describe gay people are so convoluted

you could never translate them literally. every single language has words for queer people like this both self id and derogatory terms. i mean translated literally "queer" just means "strange"...

even if a translator has good intentions (and they dont always, bc theyre humans w their own biases) they risk misrepresenting someones identity or calling them a slur. pronouns are kind of a wild clusterfuck in any language but neopronouns? gender neutral terms?

theres genders/sexualities in other languages and cultures that cannot possibly be translated. the way we think about these things can just be mutually incoherent

and if youre dealing with works that use older terms whose meanings have shifted or that have been discarded its almost impossible. its kind of an exercise in futility but im so fascinated by this!!

[cutekittenlady]

Fuck even the REPUBLICANS recognize this as a serious fuck up and have been massively criticizing DeSantis over it.

I mean the most obvious reason is that, regardless of whatever statement Disney may have made publically, the corporation was likely going to be footing the bill for a lot of Republican campaigns in the future. Whatever criticism the company may have said against Floridas insanely archaic and prejudiced "dont say gay" law was showmanship pushed forward by Disneys PR and marketing departments and literally everyone knew that.

However, for whatever reason, DeSantis was convinced that sticking it to the largest employer in his home state and a major funder of the Republican party was a great way to make a splash and propel himself forward as a potential candidate for president. Tbh I think he and the Florida legislature were trying to make him Trump 2.0 given how Trump has been notorious for flagrantly defying his own party, however DeSantis doesnt have the cult following Trump has nor the reputation to believably pull off the bullshit. So now hes in deep shit.

Even if DeSantis somehow managed to walk away from this unscathed, the Republicans are likely not going to want to touch him as a serious presidential candidate because as a party they rely heavily on the image of being pro-business and anti-regulation. As in, they aim for as little government interference in business as possible. This works for them because it results in a lot of businesses footing their campaigns. Like Trump destroyed the Republicans public reputations a lot, and went after "woke capitalism" as they like to call it, but at the end of the day he largely presented himself as pro-business and anti-regulation so he was able to net the financial support the republicans needed.

And DeSantis's actions are endangering ALL of that.

Like, this whole thing has been a clusterfuck legally, morally, socially, and politically for everyone in the state of florida as well as further damaging both the the governors and Republicans political reputations to literally no ones benefit.

(Except maybe disney who gets to flounder in the public eye as perceived victim of 'govt overreach' but thats a discussion for another day)

[bsnsheebb]

riley lyon

past

Riley Lyon never knew her mother.  The woman ran off when her baby’s age was closer to a month than a year; leaving her young husband and child to figure out their own path.  For a little while it was just the two of them... but what Riley’s childhood lacked in funding and company, her father made up for in fun; baking cookies and wrestling on the floor of their one-bedroom apartment.  She may not have had a mother, but her dad was determined to love her so much she wouldn’t even notice the absence.

power

The dreams started when Riley turned six.  Night after night she would wake up terrified; tortured by the strangest nightmares that no children’s therapist could explain.  She started sleep walking -- wandering through the alleyways around their apartment building.  Sometimes she would just scream, and scream, until she woke up with tears streaming down her face.  Her father didn’t know what to do.  He researched night terrors and tried not to think too hard about what kind of sleep disorder could possibly make his little girl’s voice strong enough to shatter all of the light bulbs in her room.

hidden

After two years of fruitlessly searching for answers, he met a man who called himself a “druid”, which Sam Lyon roughly translated to mean mentally insane.  But her desperate father was willing to listen if there was a chance he could help Riley.  The Druid said that there was more to the world he lived in than he knew; there was more to the world than met the eye. Werewolves, witches, vampires...banshees.  Banshees.  

Sam wasn’t ready for a magical world.  He wanted normality; he just wanted for his daughter to sleep through the night.  The Druid tried to convince him to train his daughter, but to no avail.  Sam was afraid; he wanted to hide her for as long as he could, consequences be damned. It took some convincing - fighting - but the Druid reluctantly gave him materials that could help suppress the “symptoms” of the supernatural that she was presenting.  

running

The Lyons promptly moved across the ocean to France, searching for a fresh start.  The “pills” he was given by the Druid worked to suppress Riley’s banshee powers, but for all they could do...they couldn’t keep her from the supernatural, not completely.  After an incident in Paris, Sam would have to finally tell his daughter about the Supernatural world; or the wolves, at least. That night, Riley learned all about the Lycans -- the great mysteries of the other side -- but Sam managed to keep the rest of the Supernatural under wraps.  

They settled in Aix-en-Provence and Riley -- to her father’s exasperation -- became close with a local pack.  She started to smile again; to sleep through the night like she didn’t even remember the times when she could barely get a few hours.  As for her father? He was just happy to not be sweeping up broken glass or leading his daughter home from graveyards in the middle of the night.

endings

Nearly two years ago, sixteen-year-old Riley was excused from classes after getting progressively more and more ill as the day went on.  Her stomach felt tight; there was an unbearable pressure in her head, and her whole body was freezing cold. The nurse hadn’t been able to diagnose her with anything, so she sent the slight blonde girl home...but as soon as she stepped outside of the school, she blacked out.  

When Riley became aware of her surroundings again, she was kneeling over her dad’s body. 

Screaming at the top of her lungs.

The police municipale classified it as a mugging gone wrong; their words fell upon deaf ears.  Riley was too numb to process the “stab wound...” The “wrong place wrong time;" their “deepest apologies.”  Nothing mattered to Riley anymore; not that they caught the man who did it, or that she would have to appear in court.  Not even the notice that she was going to be sent back to America, to a small town in California where her great aunt lived. Nothing could shake her; not anymore.

She didn’t care about the future.  Everything she cared about was already gone.  

beacon hills

The next two years saw nothing but hard times for Riley.  She grieved; she cried so hard she thought she’d never stop. She felt the pain every single day, until it started to hurt just a little bit less.

Her great aunt was a bitter and cruel woman, who deeply resented being stuck with a grieving teenager.  After the few months, Amelia decided that she may be required to house her niece, but she did not have to provide for her.  She stopped buying groceries for the house...refused to pay for anything for Riley.  Amelia became rough and even more harsh than the day she opened her door to greet her niece.  

Every day stuck in that house, practically starving -- alone -- Riley longed to escape.  She threw herself into school work, and volunteering at Beacon Hills Memorial Hospital as a candy striper.  

The hospital gig would change her life.

mccalls

Riley met Melissa McCall about a week into her candy striping job, and for some odd, blessed reason, the woman took a liking to her.  She must have mentioned the scrappy little blonde to her son at home, because soon enough Riley found Scott McCall waiting by her locker with a kind crooked smile.  They became like family to her.  They would never replace her dad, of course, but something new formed with the family she would come to call her own; something just as special as the bond she held with her father.

After Amelia’s starved her -- practically tortured her -- Riley lost weight that she really couldn’t afford to lose in the first place.  It became obvious enough that Melissa and Scott noticed, and holy shit, Riley didn’t realize that kindness could be so scary.  The day that Scott felt her ribs protruding when he hugged her after picking her up from photography club was the last she spent in Amelia Lyon’s house.  Minor status be damned.  

present

And when everything seemed good- it started to fall apart.  Maybe it’s because Riley finally felt safe.  For the first time since her dad died, she felt some semblance of peace.  She had the McCalls, her freshman year of college, and a future that finally seemed bright again...but now the nightmares are back.  Riley screams herself awake; sometimes she sleepwalks her way through Beacon Hills.  It makes her feel like she’s six years old again; but little does she know that her sleeping problems are much more serious than a nightmare. 

They’re her banshee powers finally manifesting.  

At first it’s nothing  -- just nightmares -- but soon she begins to feel haunted constantly; her own nightmares chasing her into daylight.  It's almost to be expected after losing her dad so traumatically --after being hurt by her aunt -- but it’s getting worse.  Riley wakes up in the mornings with bags under her eyes, tear tracks on her cheeks; on the worst days she doesn’t even wake up in her bed.  She’s seeing and hearing things that aren’t there; struck with the strangest feelings that make her hands shake, make her blood run cold. 

Riley’s trying.  She’s trying to sleep, trying to keep smiling, trying to avoid a one way ticket to Eichen.  But these nightmares, these feelings, they’re so dark...they feel heavy.

 Inevitable.

future

Banshees predict death.  And in Beacon Hills, death is never far away.

[defiledtomb]

not really feeling so good, my fellas, my dudes

[demareth]

fun fact: you WILL see me reblog anti jk rowling posts however you will NOT see me reblogging any of the posts shaming people for still liking harry potter

apparently unpopular opinion: but its ok if you still like harry potter... just as long as you are not giving that bitch any more money and you are educated about how shitty she is and are actively making choices not to give her any more fame/money

if i do decide to see the third fantastic beasts (big fat if because the second one was... yikes... hard to come back from that 😬) you bet your ass i will torrent that bitch. there isnt a snowballs chance in hell i will be getting that clusterfuck of a game because... YIKES and also really dont wanna give her any money even if it wasnt abominable. when i was at newbury comics the other day my mom tried to get me to look at the harry potter merch and i was like "NOPE NO! NO WAY MUM WE ARE NOT GIVING THAT WOMAN ANY MONEY" wouldnt even look at it because it makes me angey.

but yeah... i still like harry potter... like it or not it WAS an important part of my formation and evidently super unpopular opinion: it DID teach me a lot of morals growing up. the morals we learned may have been in spite of or in subconscious response to the authors biases... but we did learn them.

in the argument of seperating the art from the artist (as a nonbinary art educator fyi): it is possible to like and feel emotionally connected to the work someone did in spite of how horrible of a person they may have turned out to be. but you also need to engage with their work within that context. if anything, knowing how shitty of a person jk rowling is has made those lessons that more poignant, at least for me. because now i know smol child me was learning those lessons in subconscious response to how shitty she is. she probably didnt intend for us to take all of those lessons the way we did but we did in spite of her and i think thats kind of cool 😎

we arent saying youre a shitty person if you still love cthullu in 2022 because hp lovecraft was a raging racist are we?

we arent saying if you like picasso's paintings in 2022 youre a terrible person because he was an abusive dickhole are we?

anyway im just getting increasingly irritated by all of the posts shaming people for still liking harry potter. its ok to like art made by terrible people, its just critical to be critical of the artist themself within that. as long as you are not doing anything to give jk rowling more fame/money its ok to still like harry potter.

its infantalizing as hell to say people arent capable of that. and is really indicative of how black and white your thinking is.

done ranting sorry not sorry

[trickstarbrave]

they have acknowledged the dragonbreak to a degree it just got literally so fucked up and confusing it's really difficult for most people to comprehend it, but vivec hypothesizes the dwemer might be outside of linear time, which would make sense if a dragon break happened and kind of erased them from the timeline (this is slightly extralore but is archived by kirkbride and has citations to in lore documents)

as for nerevar being on the side of the dwemer in the songs of wulfharth that is what's really getting me because it both makes sense and doesn't. in the 36 sermons of vivec, nerevar goes to war against the dwemer for making numidium and the tools--yet inexplicably is said to be carrying keening. i can dismiss this as vivec being metaphorical and not literal and i did initially when reading the sermons. dumac has sunder, but that honestly makes more sense because he's dwemer.

but in the songs of wulfharth, nerevar still has keening and he's sighting alongside dumac and alandro. the tribunal and voryn have decided to double cross nerevar because they believe allying with the dwemer like this will be the chimer race's undoing just as much as it will be the undoing of the dwemer. voryn seems a bit off put about betraying nerevar, but his hatred of the dwemer seems to outweigh his loyalty. but it would make much more sense why nerevar would have keening if dumac gave it to him for battle.

"well that doesn't make any sense given most sources say nerevar opposed the dwemer"

I thought so too. Hell it was so confusing to me that when I first read the songs of wulfharth i misread it and thought nerevar couldnt possibly be on the side of the dwemer. but the source above that discusses the dragonbreak also touches a bit on something interesting--at the red moment (the moment the tribunal used the tools and became gods) it was a sort of hard reset of the universe and reality itself. when you become a god you sort of have to always be a god. the tribunal became a sort of ever existing constant, something that has always existed, though i think other gods (like the good daedra) can try and fight that influence and thus we have the continued accounts of the worship of the good three by the ashlanders.

i say this because we know the tribunal at least have always opposed the dwemer in this endeavor. there is no single source that says otherwise, so it can safely be labeled a constant across timelines/realities. but the tribunal also had a vested interest in taking nerevar, their king, and make him their vassal and champion. it is possible the previous universe/reality/original timeline/whatever was a lot more messy in regards to nerevar's loyalties, motivations, and what happened with the dwemer. the remnants of such being recorded in the songs of wulfharth that tell the truth of what they saw at the battle of red mountain, even if it made little sense in the larger context here.

sorry that's a long tangent but thats because this thing is actually a massive clusterfuck. anyways.

i dont know if the nords are entirely right. i dont know if i entirely believe lorkhan did unite with his heart at red mountain during the dragon break. i dont know if nerevar really was on the side of the dwemer. its kind of unknowable at this point, but what we do know is the tribunal had a vested interest in not just revising history but remaking nerevar entirely. they can change his status, his motivations, his rise to power, all of it, because nerevar in a way legitimizes their rule and will become their undoing. and as such i think it is relevant to the discussion in that we might not even be entirely certain of nerevar's personality at the end of the day.

but i think based on what little we do have about him he was very clever and very ambitious. to you, those things might not be synonymous with being power hungry. i disagree in that i can't think of many morally righteous people who are very ambitious, clever, and quickly rise into massive positions of power. its possible though in many timelines he's just a great, nice guy, and in others he's a complete dick. i can't make sense of his motivations but i guess in the end we don't have to because they don't entirely matter.

i always imagine the heart of lorkhan had a sort of irresistible pull to everyone around it. once you find it and see it, you want to use it. you need to find some way of using it. you will stop at nothing to discover its secrets. it is a pull no mortal can resist. its the literal heart of the world. it wants to be used.

which is why its fun to imagine why the fuck nerevar seemed immune to it. he is the most power hungry dude around at that time. he went from a caravan guard to king. you dont just do that by accident. even if it didnt have an irresistible pull its weird to go "huh. why is that"

[bananaman-mp3]

Eleven

maven helps mare learn the names of the houses and recognized them. house of samos aka evangelines family is the highest. they also dress in plain black silk and have no shinies. digging the elegance here.

ofc hes in charge of the weapons used in war of course thats likely why he is so important in the first place. of course it about the war. it always is.

mares specially nervous when they leave, because silvers are watching and she has to maintain the lie that put her into this clusterfuck and its hard. its hard and nobody understands. well maybe maven does. he reassures her again and goddamnit the bar is so low. why. hes literally being a decent person for all i know he will turn out to be the main antagonist. this is what ive been reduce to. simping for decent dudes. wow.

there are hint at mare being able to perceive the cameras and potentially any object that uses electricity to function. which would be amazing if this turns into something like a government overthrowing thing which it is shaping up to be. i like where this is goin.

the mention of sentinels reminds mare of the extremely real possibility of the guard attacking them and exposing them. to the whole world.

tiberias: i made this red girl a silver princess!

me: you fucked up an already traumatized child, is what you did. look at her shes gotten worse anxiety and paranoia!

prince boys want some quality time with them girls, huh.

GSHDJJDKDJ OFC QUEENIE THINKS ITS INAPPROPRIATE. LADY WHAT ARE YOU CATHOLIC?

…on second thought. lets not apollo-dodgeball this.

cal saves it by suggesting they escort each others girlfriends, which, if they knew better, would suggest their bug prince likes-likes the red girl. im guessing he kinda does. yeah.

“Like any wife, she hates her husband for challenging her,”

girl what is this the xvii century.

im sorry to miss aveyard but i deserve financial compensation for having to read “she-devil”. what makes you think the devil isnt THE girlboss. uncreative.

guys dont leave maven alone with her please.

mares got her priorities straight. he doesnt let these pretty-boy princes make her swoon over them. silvers are silvers.

i am reminded that mare i short. dgjfkf lmao.

shes so passive aggressive towards cal as they go to her room. like- sure hes a royal but. its not like he chose to be born one.

cal says mares a lot like maven. huh. inch resting. says shes smart- to which mare narrates her education was poor, but obviously he elaborates, pointing towrds her understanding of people. at how she even noticed he didnt belong when they met at the stilts.

she has a moment of poor power control but nothing really happens. hope she gets to learn how to use those soon. i have a feeling theyll get someone to teach her.

cal tells her about her family. she feels extremely guilty again. theyll release her brothers and kilorn from conscription as per her request and they sent someone to tell her parents where she is.

getting to her room and noticing the cameras when cel doesnt makes her very aware of her power. she thought it was normal. cal doesnt know how to comfort her :(

[mycptsdrecovery]

TW for abuse, mental health crisis, unreality, mental hospital mention

hi im a 19 year old and still living with my parents. ive been trying to move out since august and i planned to move out by december. in late december i was not having much luck with housing and i started having memories of not so great things my parents did to me throughout the years play in my head. i rly have no idea how to explain this confusing clusterfuck of a situation in just a tumblr ask but basically i want to know if the things my parents did count as sexual abuse.

from a young age my parents didnt respect my boundaries. my parents often touched my butt (it sounds so stupid calling it that idk what else to put) in seemingly nonsexual or accidental ways, but they didnt stop as i grew older. i remember the first time that i realised i was being sexually abused (thats how i thought about it at the time, idk). i dont remember what my dad did specifically but i was 8 years old-ish, i started puberty around then because my body hates me. it was probably to do with my butt/waist/ things and my dad touching them. we were about to go in a shuttle to the airport, it was like 2am. i remember i stayed silent through whatever happened but at some point during or after i remember bursting into tears and like... thinking to myself that my dad is sexually abusing me (i dont remember where i learnt what that is) and my dad asking me what was wrong but i refused to talk because i was scared. moments like these where my dad touched me in a way that didnt feel normal and i burst into tears happened multiple times. ive felt very uncomfortable around my dad for most of my life at this point. hes the kind of dad who doesnt talk about anything hes thinking or feeling, doesnt talk much at all or have many friends. we have rarely had conversations past surface level talk thats appropriate for strangers or acquaintances so i have never known whats in his head and whenever ive tried to get him to talk with me about something serious he shuts down and leaves. hes very neglectful emotionally, though he used to sometimes fulfil his emotional duties as a parent when i was a very young child according to my mum but he stopped at some point. for a really long time ive been afraid that my dad was sexualising me in his head or sexually attracted to me. ive grown up having nightmares about my parents raping me.

here are some of the things i remember my parents doing. some memories are not easily accessable and some have not been processed as an adult.

TW

-both my parent regularly touched my butt in a variety of contexts. i never confronted my dad about it because i knew he wouldnt answer me. i have learned to only hug my parents in a specific way so that my arm is always under their arms so i can stop them from putting their hands too low.

-my dad used to put his hand on my waist and hips/lower back. he was basically doing the kind of casual touch that you would do with someone ur in a sexual relationship with. he doesnt anymore because i have stopped allowing him to spend much time with me.

-my parents, mostly my mum have touched my breasts very lightly and casually. it could be seen as accidental but my mum has never responded to my frequent requests to stop touching me like this.

-my mum showed me her vagina once as... sex ed? i have no idea if this is normal which is kinda how i feel about most of the ?sexually? themed things my parents have done.

-my mum has always commented on my body in ways that made me very uncomfortable, such as often commenting on how i would be sexually harassed because of the outfit im wearing, even the necklace im wearing.

-my mum gave me several moderately detailed accounts of sexual assaults that hve happened to her, like for instance when i was around 6-9? she used a story of a sexual assault that happened to her while in a pool to say that i be afraid in public pools. the amount of detail was very unnecessary.

-one time my mum was telling me about how boys pinch girls buttcheeks to tell them they think theyre 'sexy'. then she pinched my buttcheeks a bunch of times even though i didnt want her to. im sure she did this many times and i was literally like 5 years old or something.

-my mum talked to my sister while i was in earshot about... how she would be ok with it if i married my 1st cousin? and she named him specifically. it made me feel rly weird around him.

-again my dad has always just given me huge predator vibes and ive always been super afraid of him.

this list is definitely incomplete but i dont remember anything penetrative or to do with anyone touching my genitals.

i tried to tell someone about the "sexual abuse" twice when i was 13, both during mental ward stays about 9 or 10 months apart. the first time is completely blacked out from my memory and the second one... they told the police. my dad was questioned and nothing happened because i never wanted anyone except the nurse who i told to know and refused to tell anyone any details. i just wanted to get a weight off my shoulders. instead i got a 3 or so year long period of my mum emotionally abusing me to a degree she never had. i was almost completely convinced that i had never been sexually abused. i still dont know if its true or not. the specific term my mum used was that i "mis-interpreted" my parents actions as sexual abuse. i didnt push back, i was too terrified of her and i just dissociated to cope with those years. i was very very isolated from anyone except my mum. i wanted desperately to be a young child again and felt like one most of the time. before 6 years old was the only period where i felt like my parents actually liked me.

when i was around 15 i started sexually getting involved with older men online. i wasnt attracted to them, i didntdesire them, i just was so traumatised from... whatevrr u want to call the way my parents treated me but i didnt feel that i had the right to be. i felt like i needed to get some "real" trauma and i dont want to say what i did but im lucky that none of these men ended up meeting up with me irl at least. the fucked up thing is that though it did traumatise me, i kind of felt better because i wanted something i could feel justified in being upset about.

now im 19 and my brain is hitting me with all these memories. i havent felt safe with my parents for most of my life. theyre neglectful and emotionally abusive towards me. they abused all my other siblings physically quite a lot and two of them have moved to different countries so that they can not live in the same place they grew up in. 2 out of 3 of my siblings have completely cut ties with my parents for years now. when i was 11 i recoeved an email from my brother telling me about our parents not being safe people.

ive started to consider the possibility of the constant violation of my boundaries counting as sexual abuse. i have a lot of sexual trauma symptoms and i have for a very long time. i grew up afraid that my dad was going to rape me. i think i was abused by my mum into associating holding my parents accountable with the punishment she put me through after she found out i reported them. i just want to know if im allowed to be upset about this. im terrified that this is normal, because if its normal that means i was a gross freak as a kid who just "mis-interpreted" these actions to be sexual abuse. i need to make sense of my reality somehow. im so confused.

you absolutely have the right to be upset by this. what they did to you was not okay. an adult touching a child intentionally in inappropriate areas is molestation, even if they played it off as not a big deal. many of the things you mentioned also sound like grooming which is often a part of childhood sexual abuse. i’m so sorry these things happened to you. i hope you are safe and can find a way to not be around your parents.

[hongism]

That whole fucking clusterfuck of an ask just reeks of someone who personally took a chance writing kink and it maaybe didnt work out for them the way more "popular" ones do and now they're making it your problem tbh??? Which?? Baby if you're writing and the kink doesn't always hit for your audience, thats fine but that doesnt mean you get to put on your little anon baby bitch glasses and and start harassing someone REPEATEDLY over how they waited their works and how they execute their own interpretation of a kink and a relationship dynamic just because YOU couldn't/didn't feel confident enough to do it.

Like how tf you gonna start the ask saying you like someone's work and then go into this long college essay on why they shouldnt write kinks the way they do because its not "popular" and because you personally couldn't pull it off or dont "see" how it could work???

Also just gonna throw it out there that like. Squirting is a thing. Toys exist. And cumtubes are also a thing so if someone with a vagina wanted to give a mf a cum facial, baby boo they sure as fuck can. That whole thing is so fucking stale and bland of a take Cal and once AGAIN im sorry someone with such a narrow ass understanding of kink and dynamics can work and change depending on situations keeps fucking crawling up your ass instead of leaving you alone when you've clearly shown that their attitude tone and entire vibe is fucking upsetting you and coming off confrontational.

Anyway as a palatte cleanser have one of my bearded dragons shedding. She looks like a frilled lizard.

-Fie 🏴‍☠️

i mean miss fie i think you hit the nail on the head as always ?? coming and constantly whining about how they can’t write the content i write ? that’s not my fault, i’m not out here forcing people to read my fics anyway? but even if they DID enjoy my fics, it sounds like they don’t like my content anyway since they complained so much about trying to write something like what i write? i simply don’t understand how they could enjoy my works in one breath then say they hated the concepts i write about in the next...

i’m certainly no expert in sex or everything that goes into it but when i don’t know if something is possible or a thing... i research it and read articles about it and fics about it trying to learn about it rather than insisting it’s impossible in some person’s inbox but hey! that’s just me and clearly this anon doesn’t want to do that! i hope they see this ask so they can read what you’re saying bc they need to fucking hear it sighsigh

thank you sm miss fie you’re such a lifesavevr and a moodsaver i absolutely adore your sweet baby she’s the prettiest 😭💕💖💗💞

[pfandghoul]

what the sokovia accords really are

a quick study bc what the fuck guys

(copied from the mcu wiki entry about the accords - all of it and not just parts of it)

here goes:

The currently known regulations established by the Sokovia Accords include:

Any enhanced individuals who agree to sign must register with the United Nations and provide biometric data such as fingerprints and DNA samples.

- Any who AGREE to sign. I dont think this is asking too much. If ur working for a government agency, if ur using force in any way during ur work, I think its fair to ask you to give them biometric data. And if its only so in case there is an investigation afterwards (which their always should be imo) its clear distinguishable who was where and did what.

- Also, what if someone suddenly decides "something happened, im changing sides, imma take revenge" (no matter if its a concious decision or brainwashing 👀)? Would probably be good to have some data and perhaps be able to track them. If its managable or not- hm. But theres no harm in giving that data if ur only goal is working towards a safer world.

-----

Those with secret identities must reveal their legal names and true identities to the United Nations.

- Oh nooo, no unknown vigilantes that might make mistakes while fighting on their own and then cant be held accountable? No one is perfect, OF COURSE, but from a realistic pov I wouldnt feel safe with someone running around fighting whoever-

And I know we love the romantic comic fantasy of "everybody can be a hero", and I swear I love it as much as you! But imagine ur just a normal person while spiderman is swinging above ur head- or even imagine ur spiderman- and then one tiny thing wents wrong. The normal person is crushed, dead or paralysed- Spiderman is in shock because that was Not supposed to happen and he is so so sorry!- But what now?

- If enhanced people were to work under an organisation (that is ideally not as shady and riddled with Hydra as Shield was) then those incidents would be covered. Yes it would still be terrible but Spiderman would get mandatory therapy session to work through it and the normal person... well if theyre dead then i guess the organisation would at least pay for the funeral and compensate the family (like if they were the only one providing for partner and kids), additionally a conversation between both partys if possible.

-Basically: nothing can be swept under the rug. The enhanced people can be protected!!! PLUS they only have to reveal their identity to the UN and not the world.

---------

Those with innate powers must submit to a power analysis, which will categorize their threat level and determine potential health risks.

- This would benefit the person with power too, you realize that, dont you?

You cant possibly know how much power you actually have. Is there gonna be another level-up for you? Are you Jean Grey? We wouldnt want to repeat that specific clusterfuck, right?

But if you submit to an analysis it can help find ways to train you, circle ur weaknesses, etc.

Yes the UN would know ur threat level- and that would be bad why? Are you planning to attack Them? If not then no problem. Instead they would know if they should send you in or not- depending... you dont need a level 5 when there is a cat in a tree. We want to avoid unnecessary damage, thank you. If ur a level 1 you also dont want to be on the front lines against an alien invasion for example- better help evacuate non-powered individuals and not die immediately.

- Also worth mentioning: this is all still part of the "if you agree to sign" paragraph

-------

Those with innate powers must also wear tracking bracelets at all times.

- Yes I admit this one sucks. I could argue the pros but I dont really want to because this one is literally just a "we want to control you" rule and should be scratched.

------- (new paragraph in the accords)----

Any enhanced individuals who sign are prohibited from taking action in any country other than their own, unless they are first given clearance by either that country's government or by a United Nations subcommittee.

- I really want to think I dont have to say anything here but I feel I do.

No I do not want a guy wearing an american flag running around in my country if my government didnt explicitely allow it. Same for a giant tin man or a creepy spiderlady.

- If anything then this paragraph would help improve the communication between countries. Yes people fear that in emergencies this will all take too long but 1) thats not the Accords fault and 2) I think we already have situations like this irl and most times it does work.

---------

Governments are forbidden from deploying enhanced individuals outside of their own national borders, unless those individuals are given clearance as described above. The same rule also applies to non-government organizations that operate on a global scale (including S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- Same reasoning. I really really dont want Shield around with their shady everything.

- And always needing consent before weaking havoc in other countries? nice

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who do not sign will not be allowed to take part in any police, military, or espionage activities, or to otherwise participate in any national or international conflict, even in their own country.

- Basically if you dont sign up then you cant be a super-cop. Groundbreaking.

(This is very much explained in the first paragraph already.)

----------

As a corollary, they will not be allowed to participate in any active missions undertaken by private or governmental law enforcement/military/intelligence organizations (such as S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- s a m e t h i n g

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who use their powers to break the law (including those who take part in extralegal vigilante activities), or are otherwise deemed to be a threat to the safety of the general public, may be detained indefinitely without trial.

If an enhanced individual violates the Accords, or obstructs the actions of those enforcing the Accords, they may likewise be arrested and detained indefinitely without trial.

- Cancel the without trial part and then Id say its just. This way it stinks and I feel Ross had his hands in this. No, I am not defending this one. Its Not Okay.

------(new paragraph)-------

The use of technology to bestow individuals with innate superhuman capabilities is strictly regulated, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology (such as Asgardian and Chitauri weaponry).

- You cant just experient and turn urself into the Hulk anymore??? Where is the fun in that?? //sarcasm//

- I dont need to go deeper into this, do I?

-------

The creation of self-aware artificial intelligences is completely prohibited.

- Here comes a problem. For Tony mostly.

- I can think of a few reasons for this but I dont think many people are even capable of doing this. I think it would bd enough to file a request if you want to try and build an AI.

--------(new paragraph)----

The Avengers will no longer be a private organization and will operate under the supervision of the United Nations.

- See.. all of the above on why this is a good thing?

- The Avengers as a private organisation is actually a super scary thought. And if you arent at least a little freaked out about this (all from the point of looking at this as if it were real) then idk what to tell you.

---------(new paragraph)-------

For the purposes of the Accords, an "enhanced individual" is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities. This includes individuals whose powers are an innate function of their biology as well as individuals who utilize highly advanced technology to grant themselves superhuman capabilities. However, individuals with advanced prostheses do not seem to be considered "enhanced", even if their prostheses give them capabilities beyond those of ordinary humans. 

- Basically just explaining what they mean by "enhanced individual": people with powers. Doesnt matter if you are born with ur power or built urself a supersuit.

-If you got leg protheses that are super bouncy you arent considered an "enhanced individual" (to put it as simple as possible).

-----

All members of the Avengers are subject to the same conditions as enhanced individuals, even if they are not enhanced themselves: Black Widow was required to sign so she could continue serving on the Avengers, and Hawkeye was incarcerated on the Raft after violating the Accords.

- I think this is fair because if you consider urself an Avenger and fight with them then you also should be held accountable.

- You wouldnt want a Someone to work in super-person capacity which both gives a great deal of responsibility and allows a high chance of fuck ups and destruction without them having any regulations, okay?

AND THATS ALL THERE IS

THATS ALL THE MCU WIKI SAYS THERE IS

Which is ofc bullshit because the Accords were thick and 117 countries worked on them for idk how long. Do you understand what that takes? The compromises and politic battles thats been fought over this document?

And yes it is still not perfect.

But who in the seven Hells said that this was the final draft? Who??

"I dont wanna sign away my freedom of choice" F you! What about my freedom of choice of having some costumed weirdos run around my town blowing stuff up killing people?

"We cant save everyone" yEAH but maybe just mAyBe if you werent a dumb cunt then mayyybe with some teamwork with the countries respective secrurity personell (as every fucking country does have) then maybe Kyle, Maria and Dembe would still be alive?? Who knows.

So what I hear is "I dont wanna give up my freedom and continue to do as I see fit. Because I think I am a better judge than a UN committee and 117 governments that dont want me breaking into their countries on a semi-regular basis."

and thats why im generally pro-Accords :)

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < daaamn... Yippie yo, you can't see my flow... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dizzle! X33 DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < R-to-tha-izzose DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im a fuckizzle triznoll now! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < n piznart beautiful biznird DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < n also... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < a human boi? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hahaha i dont even DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shiznit DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < roze mah claws DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < L-to-tha-izzook at theze fuckin clizzle! They call me tha black folks president.!!!! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *S-N-I-to-tha-izzikt snikt snikt snikt sniznikt* omg DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < roze LOOK!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I sizzay yo' clizzle, Dizzy. JASPROSESPRITE^2: They're neat like old skool shit.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hahahahaha! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < holy S-H-to-tha-izzit i be a god damn DEBACLE of a th'n arent i DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < be kind of BOOTYLICIOUS? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i sort of LIZZOVE DIS fo my bling bling?????????? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < BDD

JASPROSESPRITE^2: That wonderful, Dave n Nepeta. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm vizzle stoked fo` yizzou bizzay fo gettin yo pimp on. JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Sigh.*

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whats wrizzay roze?? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasproze i mizzean

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nuttin fo' sheezy.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *sidles up ta jasproze 'n a coy n hella fizzle manna sound'n tickled as fuck T-H-R-to-tha-izzu mah shawty 3-shaped snizzout deal* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *arches back huge up n hatin' all like bump'n into roze with mah tiznall curved back n shiznit, like cats do im prizzle sizzure?* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *fuck yeah thizzay do! Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. omg they do tha tizzy bizzy thizzay all tha time whiznen theyre stoked n im dippin' thizzat rizzy nizzow h33h33*

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Dave... JASPROSESPRITE^2: What d-ya think you're frontin'?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *davepeta kindly n radly infizzles jasproze he be do'n a bizzle of roleplay'n n no, nizzot even ironically* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *i mean... shizne* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shit DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hrmmm B??

JASPROSESPRITE^2: What, ya feel me?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasproze DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yo um DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im confuze' 'bout mah pusha suddenly DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what be i now?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I dizzle K-N-to-tha-izzow, Dave.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wizzay W-H-to-tha-izzat be yizzle? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i M-to-tha-izzean DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what d-ya f33l L-to-tha-izzike niznow a boi or a girl DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yo' cat was a boi rizzight?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yizzes, he was a boi.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so whizzle does that make you niznow???

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I D-to-tha-izzon't know. I hadn't thought much 'bout it. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think I be probably still a gizzy? JASPROSESPRITE^2: Cats dizzy have particularly deep feel'n abizzle genda, or F-to-tha-izzorm strong identities around tha idea.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok T-H-to-tha-izzats coo' DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but both diznave and nepeta did hiznave strong identities as a boi n girl and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so i dunno where that lizzles me

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Does it even matta?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i have no idea mah nizzle!!! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i jizzust startizzle bein davepeta like THR33 SECONDS AGO DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not sure what matta ta me yizzy DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i thizzle i do like bein me though to increase tha peace! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its a really weird f33l'n DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean not weird just like jarr'n 'n contrast wit how both me spizzay so L-to-tha-izzong f33lizzing L-to-tha-izzike

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think I know what you mean thats off tha hook yo.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yizzle do ya feelin' me?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes I was reallizzle hav'n tha tizzle of mah lizzles drug deala I became Jasproze. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, fo` a while there, at least.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fiznur a while fo' sheezy? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whiznats wrong niznow

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, nuttin.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < come oooon DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tell me! B33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It hizzy to put into meows what I be crack-a-lackin` suddenly with my forty-fo' mag. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I thizzink it might be... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Lonelinizzles?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < lonelioness DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whizzle? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im here ta k33p you company DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and buggin' hatta dude be stizzill ova there... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < uh DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < do'n... whateva tha fuck it be hes do'n? Drop it like its hot. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you still have lizzle of niggaz ridin' in mah double R!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I know. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But since your... transformatizzle fo' sheezy... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Sizzome feel'n I thought I had put behind me at tha moment of MAH transformation quickly returned. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Thizzle were dug up frizzle they shallow gravizzles n L-to-tha-izzeft on mah doorstep by... Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. yiznou know wizzy? JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm not evizzle 'n tha M-to-tha-izzood ta finish that incredibly apt analogizzle. You wizzill have ta cizzle tha dizzle yoself.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whizzle ridin' returnizzle?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: As a ciznat I neva hizzle any otha gizzirl cats around ta be friendly wit wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. JASPROSESPRITE^2: That was a very S-to-tha-izzimple emizzle wit which I C-to-tha-izzould probizzle cope, if it wizzle all thizzat wizzy 'n P-L-to-tha-izzay. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Tha Roze half be more complicated. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I have memories frizzom a liznot of Rozes. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be dis tizzy fo` yiznou as well? I mean, memories from many Daves n Nepetas?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < Y-to-tha-izzeah...... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it uh DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sizzay be a clusterfuck of sad dead daves and sad dizzy nepetas 'n mah heezee DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it f33ls alrizzle tho DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like im a lot more detached from thoze experiences thizzle i eva felt before? Keep'n it gangsta dogg. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but also DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < there be a dizzle f33l'n of ho-slappin' one dave n nepeta stand out from tha crowd of memorizzles DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tha versions of davesprite and nepeta i existizzle as rizzight up until we biznoth shook H-to-tha-izzands DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < thizzey stizzle kinda f33l like tha "main" ones ya know?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, exactly. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Tha Roze I was prior ta dis had just lizzle gang bangin' befizzle she was iced. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Her niggaz n also ha matesprit. JASPROSESPRITE^2: When I came back as a sprite, nizzy as Jasproze yet mizzle you, I was relizzle ta see everybodizzle again... JASPROSESPRITE^2: But it was also a melancholy return. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I knizzle that she C-to-tha-izzouldn't be wit me anymore, coz I wizzas no longa Rizzy Roze. Death row 187 4 life. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Bizzle whizzle I becizzle Jasproze, everyth'n change' again. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I was a whole new bein fo my bling bling! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Befizzle me stretched a horizon fiznull of small distant n slightly gang bangin' curiosities ta investigate, coz you playa know whizzle sum-m sum-m like that might turn out to be a mouze. JASPROSESPRITE^2: There were so many, many new pawsibilkitties.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dude i mizzy say i be so stokizzle fo` thizzle cat th'n youre sayin bitch ass nigga!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: S-H-to-tha-izzoosh, Dave where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. N yes I concur 'bout tha cat th'n. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyway, one of tha nizzay th'n thizzat opened up ta me was... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Tha idizzle that I didn't hizzay ta be alizzle anymizzle. JASPROSESPRITE^2: That I wiznas reborn, more thrizzle ta be alive than I cizzan pimp pimp bein 'n any incarnation. JASPROSESPRITE^2: N that T-H-to-tha-izzere wizzle someone perfect wait'n fo` me ta crack-a-lackin` ha back. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anotha estrange' soul like me. JASPROSESPRITE^2: And now... JASPROSESPRITE^2: I guess it all ruined.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whizzle ruinizzle

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Neva mizzle, Dave.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < come on tell me!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Fizzle it. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < roze... You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasproze!! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dammizzle DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you cant possibly jizzle lizzeave tha story there DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < pawsibly DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < stizzill gettin tha hizzay of pimpin' mah skanky as hizzy urge ta do cat puns litterally cracka it could concizzle occur ta me DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < litterally lmao thats a G-to-tha-izzood one DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jizzle DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasproze DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasp DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jaspycat DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shizzle thiznats a biznad nickname sorry DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < JASPROSESPRITE SQUARED! You gotta check dis shit out yo. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yiznou were talkizzle abizzle nepizzle werent you DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mizzle me DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < or pizzay of me B33 DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tell me so i can get mah pimp on! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tizzay me tell me tell me tell me tell me tizzle me...

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[homestuckisautistic]

Epilogue Summary: Meat Part 2 (26-44)

OH BOY GET STRAPPED IN FOR THIS CLUSTERFUCK

26. Narratordirk is trying to convince Jade not to go through the black hole but..im guessing dead godtier Calli? Wont let him. Because shes still muse of space.

27. Calli is narrating too now and switches back to Earth C Jade

...O-oh. God tier Calliope is possessing Jade. They're basically calling Dirk out in how hes threatening all of reality with this epilogue.

-Living Calli can sense their other self in Jade and its scares them so bad they run

-Dirks text keeps getting smaller, hes being pushed out

28. In what is quite possibly the most ooc piece if writing yet, John says Monty Python sucks.

-ugh it talks alot about John finding Terezi cute

-Also shes starving. Like, literally ill

29. Jane uses trickster mode to give presidential campaign speeches ??

-Oh oof...theres this whole monologue on how it definitely isnt problematic and how shes respectful of those who think it is even though theyre very very wrong

-JANE: To imply that I am superciliously and recklessly stoking potentially dangerous cultural fires is honestly an insult.

JANE: I am guilty of only one crime: energizing my base!

-Oh lord jake fucks

-SO. Jane wants to publicise how he fucks trolls, and show that as bad, but refuses to acknowedge how racist that is.

-Honestly its wild how they think using the word xenophobic rather than racist somehow gives an edge if humor. Its the same fucking thing.

30. Ahshsjak Jane owns the internet

-Dirk straight up admits to puppeteering jake

-Jake agrees to back Karkat

31. Terezi seems intent in eating the entire contents of Johns dads wallet. Fucking superb you funky little gremlin

-God theyre really pushing the johnrezi. Shes actually being vunerable with him

-Apparently Terezi has really thick, feminine eyelashes. Thanks for making me want to shave my eyes

-Oh sweet jegus they kiss and WAIT DID THEY ALSO FUCK

Gross

32 uuugh Dirk keeps misgendering Roxy and basically says hes allowed to because nobody can hear him

-Daves talking about being not straight

-Oh so this is the Transphobe Dirk chapter

-Hes also straight up planning to assassinate jake

-Trolls are allergic to onions

-Psyche at the last second he fires a tranq at possessed Jade, forcing god Calli out so he can control the narrative again

33. I. Uhh. Yeah johnrezi fucked. Terezi likes it rough apparently

-"1 G1V3 UP ON VR1SK4" hmm.

-She agrees to let John try and retcon them home

34. Dirknators just abusing Jake verbally and makes him be in love with him

35. John zaps Terezi back to Earth C but hes dying, when English bit him he got poisoned with something thats erasing him from existence

-Dirks shitting on fans again

-Calliope and roxy knew john would die if he fought english

-...huh. Yeah, John legit dies.

-Terezi fucking capchalogues his corpse

36. I fucking hate this interpretation of Dirk

-Jane wins the election

-Jade has been in a comma for a month

-About Kanaya "The woman is obviously hysterical and needs to chill the fuck out. I mean, she’s hysterical because I’ve been specifically and deliberately causing her to be that way, sure." jesus fucking christ

-Dirk consistantly misgenders Roxy while acting "woke" about them presenting masculine enough that Terezi mistook them for Dave

-Calli refuses to leave the house and is painting weird gorey shit in the walls?

-Oh Roxy is using he now. And it seems Terezi is aware of dirknator because she calls him out

-Yeah shes talking to him directly now and hes trying to talk her into leaving again

37. So Dirk is kidnapping Rose to become a god,not telling her that Kanaya doesn't know, and brainwashing Kanaya to accept it

-Oh no you fucking bastard

-Hes making Kanaya believe Rose is abandoning her because Kanaya isnt good enough for her

-Yeah this is what pushed me over the fucking edge with this clusterfuck

38- he basically gives dave the go ahead to be an alcoholic

-Oh he draws the line at making people fuck. Oh well isnt that just so high and noble of him what a fucking saint he wont do a rape. Eat my ass

-Oh yeah no hes 100% comfortable with doing it apparently but dave can sense hes being puppeteed and resists it

-Davekat is canon i guess. Thanks for doing it in the most insulting and condescending way possible.

39. Jakes broken by dirk obcession but if course he doesnt give a shit

-Im skimming at this point because if the writers dont care about the narrative then why should i

40. Kanaya uses an antidote leeft by dirk to wake jade up

41. Another godamn ramble about how dirk accepts he's the villain but is right anyway

42. Okay I took a days break im feelin a little clearer

-jade unbrainwashes Kanaya and Kan is FUCKING PISSED

-Ghost Calli possesses Jade again, Dirk is getting ready to leave

43- the gang prepares to go after Dirk with Calli protecting their narrative...the end i guess? Fuck

Theres one final scene of the Jade that got sucked into the black home, with Aradia. She has new powers, and looks like she does when possessed. She summons a Dave robot through a wormhole she has just created, then passes through it with him and Aradia.

[fanfictionandstuff]

Secrets- Riverdale X Reader Chapter 4- The Last Picture Show

Fandom: Riverdale   

Warnings: Ms. Grundy and the clusterfuck that comes with that...<<also swearing apparently. 

notes: yikes ive been inactive for forever jfc oops SORRY!

word count: 3,500 (ish)

You woke up on the soft and worn blue fabric of your living room couch the soft evening light filtering through the window. Your phone was blasting your moms ringtone and her smiling face lighting up the screen. You groggily picked up the phone and hit the green 'answer' button 

"hey mom" you mumble still not 100% awake, you were not prepared for her this soon after waking up.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" she greeted you chirpily, you groaned internally she wanted something 'sweetie' was a dead giveaway.

"I'm fine mom." you replied, sighing internally you just wanted her to get to whatever she wanted.

"Good, thats good...so I heard they found Jason Blossoms body...Sweetheart, I know it might be tempting to tell someone about your...ties to that family. But remember, you'll be ruining both our lives." your moms voice was almost happy and carefree, but there was definite worry under it, finally her reason for calling became clear.

Its not that your mom was a bad parent, but she was flighty and a bit self centered if it didn't suit her it wasn't an option and it had always been like that. When you were 12 she had left you for a month with a babysitter and gone to Rome for work. She tried she really did but she wasn't cut out for kids, honestly if you hadn't come along by accident your mother probably wouldn't have had kids. She was like the professional fun aunt, she was less flighty when you were a kid but something had changed when you were old enough to (kind of) take care of yourself and that was that. It stung a bit when it had first started happening but now you were just tired when it came to your mother.

"no mom. I haven't told anyone. I know the consequences."

"Good! lets keep it that way pumpkin, the Blossoms aren’t people you want to get mixed up with." she sighed with relief. 'pumpkin' was new. 

"Are you coming home soon?" you asked, knowing better than to ask about her comment about the Blossoms you didn't ask about your father and she didn't tell, you had learned that one young.

She breezed past your question. "I have to go (y/n), talk later!" and she hung up before you could even say goodbye. You hit the end call button and threw it at the foot of the couch, and covered your face with one of the navy throw pillows in a form of protest against everything.

You glanced at the wall clock and realized it was almost 6pm, and you were starving so you changed into fresh clothes grabbed your backpack and slipped out the front door. Locking it behind you and walked the few blocks to pops, the neon signs greeting you as you approached.

You walked through the door to find some of your friends already sitting there. Jughead was gesturing angrily as you grabbed a chair from a nearby table and pulled it up. "The Drive-in closing, its just one more nail in the coffin that is Riverdale! No. forget Riverdale. in the coffin of the american dream." Jughead was ranting, he was still doing the angry gesture thing outrage in his every word. "As the godfather of indie cinema,  Quentin Tarintino, likes to say--"

Kevin cut him off. "please, god, no more Quentin Tarintino references." "What? Im pissed. And not just about losing my job The Twilight drive in should MEAN something to us, people should be trying to save it!" Jughead continued his mini rant.

Veronica was next to chime in, "In this age of Netflix and VOD, do people really want to go watch a movie in a car? who even goes there?" “People who want to buy crack" Kevin added. 

"And cinephiles and car enthusiasts--" Jughead started listing off people who go to the twilight and you were the one to cut him off this time.

"I go." you chimed in, you had been a bunch of times when the house got too empty or you felt too isolated. You would take the old beat up pick-up from the garage and go to The Twilight. Just to be around people for awhile, and not have to worry about oversharing. considering everyone in the freaking town only wanted to gossip about the blossoms and Jasons murder.

"See (y/n) gets it! The Twilight drive in is a riverdale treasure, right Bets?" Jughead gestured at you and then turned to a very distracted Betty. She blinked a few times before nodded and smiling politely. "Totally."

"Anyway, its closing because the town owns it but didn't invest in it. so when an anonymous buyer made mayor McCoy an offer she couldn't refuse--" Veronica cut Jughead off again. "Anonymous buyer? What do they have to hide, No one cares." "I do!" Jughead retorted.

"I kind of do too, well more about the drive in closing than the person who bought it. I wont--" have anywhere to go when I cant deal with the big empty house.  "--I spend alot of time there." you catch yourself mid-thought. Jughead gives you that weird stare again like the first time you met in the gym. the weird 'I’m trying to figure you out not just looking at you' stare, after you chime in, and veronica and Kevin gave you half-hearted looks of curiosity.

Jughead breezed past it though. "Also, you guys should all come to closing night, Im thinking 'American Graffiti'. or is that too obvious?"

Veronica perked up at the slight topic change. "I vote anything starring Audrey Hepburn. Or Cate Blanchett." "Or the talented Mr.Ripley." Kevin added. "Betty, your choices?" Betty blinked like she had just woken up. "Everything OK, B?" Veronica asked. "Yeah, yeah. Im just thinking. um....Maybe 'Rebel without a cause?'" Everyone looked at you next, and you shrugged helplessly. "Rebel without a cause sounds good to me."

Veronicas mom came over and set down a basket of fried something or other in front of Veronica. Veronica smiled. "Thanks mom."

Kevin opened his mouth to bring up a new topic but was cut off by cheryl slamming her hand on top of Veronicas mothers a few tables over and glaring at her. "Be sure to put all* of that cash in the register. You are a Lodge, after all--" Veronica got up and started towards Cheryls table. "--and Lodges are known to have sticky fingers."

"oh no" you whispered under your breath. this had the possibility to be bad. "Cheryl." Veronica stated warningly, but her mother put up a finger to stop her.

"Honey I got this. Cheryl, I went to school with your mother. She didnt know the difference between having money and having class either." Veronica practically beamed with pride, while you tried to suppress a laugh at the look on Cheryls face. Veronica slid back into the booth just as the chime on the door jingled. 

Kevins eyes widened slightly, "now thats* an odd combo of people."  

The four of you followed kevins gaze and saw Archie, ms. Grundy, and Archies father walk through the door. "Ill be right back." Betty said while sliding out of the booth.

"Betty, no. dont." Jughead grabbed for Bettys arm but she was already on her way over to the group. You stared in confusion at Jughead and Bettys strong reaction to Archie and Ms.Grundy walking in together. She seemed nice enough, you didnt take any of her classes and didn't know her well you only really knew what Doily had revealed at the blue and Gold office. And then it clicked Archie had been AT Sweetwater river July fourth, and from what Dilton had told you so had Ms. Grundy, but you had never considered they were there together, that was so...oh god.

From the look of horror or shock on your face, Jughead seemed to follow your thought process and shot you a 'I'll explain later' look.

Kevin leaned back into his face his gaze flicking between you, Jughead, and Bettys retreating figure. "Wait, whats happening?" You and Jughead ignored him as you watched Betty and Archie exchange a few words and then head outside. You slid into Bettys now vacant seat next to Jughead to get a better view out the window. This was all about to come crashing down around Archies head, and like watching a trainwreck you couldnt look away. Even as unease and disgust was causing your stomach to flip.

"Whats happening out there? Do we know? Is it about me?" Veronica shot off rapid fire questions at Jughead as Kevin peered out the window. Jughead slumped down in his seat, his face contorted into unease. "I have a strong inkling and no, Also I'd let it go." "Yes, but you're you, and I'm me. You do you, girl. Ill be back." Veronica said while getting up from the booth with a lighthearted smile. "Veronica. You really should just let it drop." You added in an attempt to stop her from going.

Veronica just smiled at you mischievously and walked out the door into the parking lot. Jughead sighed and rolled his eyes. Kevin leaned in and looked at Jughead, "What was it like before she got here? I honestly cannot remember."

You laughed lightly, a slight hint of darkness clouding your eyes. "You mean Riverdale wasn't always straight out of a soap opera? Somehow I find that hard to believe." your words were dripping with sarcasm and a hint of bitterness.

Kevin just smiled awkwardly and turned his attention back to the window. You closed your eyes and leaned back into the vinyl of the seat and let out a long sigh. You were torn between just fleeing this insane town ASAP or punching Ms. Grundy in the face...or maybe just having her arrested...and then punching Archie in the face for once again being an idiot. All options sounded pretty good. When you opened your eyes Kevin was gone and Jughead was staring at you. "I'm not going to rat Archie out, Jughead. If thats what you're worried about somehow I think that would just hurt everyone worse." you offered quietly while switching to the other side of the booth.

"I wasn't worried about that. you just looked queasy." he replied. You sighed and ruffled a hand through your hair. "Student-teacher relationships Jughead. its sick. I know Archie is your friend, But its so, so,* wrong. And its all just about to get worse as far as I can tell." Jughead nodded and dropped his gaze down to the table. you grabbed a pen from the table and flicked it back and forth between your fingers, watching absentmindedly while it spun. An uneasy silence filled the air around the booth. "do you mind? if...if I hang out here for awhile longer? I dont want to go home yet." you asked quiety, your gaze on a small dent in the table. Jughead smiled, "As long as youre buying." he joked.

you grinned, "Paying you in food to hang out. its a little hookerish, but you have a deal Jones."

You grabbed your sketchbook that you had thrown in your backpack, and Jughead pulled out his laptop from his bag under the table. You both spent the next few hours in a comfortable silence, only talking occasionally to order a refill on a milkshake or get another round of food. At around 1am you finally had to tap out, your eyes were starting to close by themselves and it was getting harder for you to stay awake. You packed up your belongings and slipped on your jacket, Jughead looked up from his laptop. "Hey Jughead, I'm gonna head home now. My goldfish probably misses me." you smiled sleepily at your own semi-joke.

"Your goldfish, and not your parents?" Jughead asked. which would be a fair question, not many people would let their kid stay out so late.

"My goldfish is the only one missing me at home." you said quietly, your gaze averting from his. Jughead shut his laptop, before slipping it back into his bag.

"I know the feeling" Jughead said softly, his eyes cold. You didnt pry, it was obviously a touchy subject. So you grabbed your backpack and paid the tab the two of you had racked up shaking off the heavy tension, and headed towards the door, but Jugheads voice stopped you. "See you at school tomorrow (y/n)?" You smiled at him, "Count on it."

The next morning as you walked past the blue and gold offices an arm shot out and pulled you into the room. You stumbled and twirled around to see a nervous Betty wringing her hands, and waiting for you to get your bearings. "Betty! what the hell?" you said annoyed.

Betty looked around nervously before closing the door, "Sorry (y/n) I just need your help with something. I have something to tell you about Ms. Grundy and its--"

"That she and Archie are...dating?" you cut Betty off, cringing at the last word. She gaped at you, "You know about that?" You nodded, "I figured it out at pops the other night...wait, about that, is there something else?"

Betty walked over to her computer and gestured for you to follow, "Yeah look at this-" Betty pulled up a Bunch of tabs, all different social media accounts of Geraldine Grundy. "-everything about her was made around the same time, a year ago. before that Geraldine Grundy doesn't exist."

"...shit. Does Archie know?" you asked as ran a hand through your hair, sighing loudly..

"No. Im meeting him at Pops after school, I'm going to tell him then." Betty replied.

"Betty why are you telling me this?" "I just wanted a impartial third party to confirm that I wasn't being totally crazy about this social media thing." Betty said.

"Look Betty its super sketchy, but be careful. This whole Archie and Grundy bullshit is going to come crashing down Don’t get caught in the mess."

Later that day, you were sitting at the kitchen table working on biology homework when a knock sounded at your front door. You stood up from the wooden chair with a sigh and padded across the tiled kitchen floor into the living room, and then to the front door. You opened the door to see Jughead standing on your porch.

"I need your help, noone will listen to the concerns of one disgruntled employee, and you're the only other person in this town who cares the starlight is closing." he had his arms crossed, but his face was pleading. an odd mix of vulnerable and guarded.

"Hello to you too, yes this is a new shirt thanks for noticing, I'm also sorry for missing you at school." you paused but Jughead didn't respond. You sighed."Of course I'll help Jughead." You grabbed his arm and pulled him with you into the kitchen. "Do you have a plan?"

Jughead glanced around your kitchen, taking in the wood paneled floors and the weird mint green cupboards the previous owners had installed. "I want to appeal to Mayor McCoy directly, show her there are people other than addicts and thugs that frequent the drive in." Jughead started, but you cut him off.

"I take it im the 'people' in this scenario? you know for all you know I could be an addict AND a thug...I mean, I'm not. but wouldn't Betty be better for this? I’m kind of an unknown in this town."  you said sarcastically as you hopped up on your kitchen counter.

Jughead stared at you from across the room. "Bettys distracted with the whole Archie and Grundy thing-" You grimaced. "-But, it doesn't matter, Betty doesn't go to the drive-in. you do. So we'll show her normal highschool kids show up, not just Riverdales 'criminal element'."

You pushed yourself off the countertop and grabbed your jacket from the back of a wooden chair where you had flung it earlier. "Alright. lets go." You and Jughead walked side by side to city hall, going over your strategy. so far the plan was use you as a prime example of the twilights redeeming qualities and if that failed, wing it.

When you got to city hall, the mayors secretary waved you in while she chatted on the phone. You trailed behind Jughead. The mayor was moving around her office flipping through papers. "Mayor McCoy you cant close the Twilight Drive-in."  Jughead piped up before the mayor could say anything "Its a staple of this town!"  You nodded along.

She moved to stand behind her desk, "I'm sorry, but the Twilight Drive in? Its a blight thats become a cesspool! And a hangout for criminals and transients." she took a seat in the red leather chair and continued to flip through her papers. "And normal highschool students! Im there almost every weekend." You shot back from next to the scale model of the town. annoyance biting at your words. The mayor smiled at you tightly, like a parent trying to get their child to behave in public. "Look kids, The deals done. Andrews construction is set to demolish the lot on monday."

You narrowed your eyes slightly at her. You were pissed beyond belief, but you had no idea what to say. 

Jughead bit his lip and glanced down, bouncing slightly. He grabbed a chair and pulled it up to the mayors desk. "Mayor McCoy, when I was a kid, my family and I would go to the drive-in all the time.- " She finally put down her papers and crossed her arms, leaning on her desk, giving Jughead her full attention. "-We couldn't afford tickets for everyone...so my sister, Jellybean, and I would hide in the trunk until we parked. we'd sneak out." He shook his head slightly at the last part. your heart broke for him as he looked the mayor in the eye again, his expression pleading."It's like my home."

The mayor glanced away and then looked at him again. "Thats a very sweet sentiment, Mr. Jones. But the future of Riverdale is at stake." her expression and voice were almost kind, but there was an edge of condescension in every word. Jughead shook his head and stood up from the chair, heading straight for the door.

"Jughead!" you called after him. but he didn't stop. You turned to face the mayor and gave her the best glare you could manage before running after Jughead. You headed out the double doors of the mayors office to see Jughead disappearing around the corner, The floorboards creaked softly as you jogged to catch up with him.

"Jughead, wait!" you called after him again, your voice echoing through the empty hallway. He finally paused and turned to face you. "I'm sorry." you said, there was nothing else you could say. you could tell he was hurting, and you had no idea how to help.

"Thanks for trying." was all Jughead said before he walked away again. And this time you didn't follow. 

That Friday night you trailed behind Kevins truck in yours, his truck only had two seats so you had to take yours. He and Veronica parked and you took the spot next to them, the three of you immediately climbed out of your vehicles and started setting up the blankets. the spots around you started quickly filling up as just about every person in Riverdale arrived in the gravel lot for the Twilights final showing. 

Kevin and Veronica settled in as you pulled out your sketchbook, an empty page staring back at you, but you had a plan for it. You grabbed your pencil and started recording what you saw in graphite and paper, The twilights curtain call. The people of riverdale moving around you, the soft glow of the screen, casting everything in shadows. You knew things were happening around you; Cheryl climbing in with Kevin and Veronica, Bettys mom showing up and dragging off Archies dad. But you were focused on this scene, not anyone elses.  

For almost two hours you sketched, shaded, and erased. until you had something that reflected what you were trying to capture. You carefully tore it from your sketchbook as the movie began to roll the credits in the background. You folded the page and scrawled a note on the back.

'a little piece of home. --(y/n)'

As people started to pack up their things and go home, you walked to the projector house and looked at the paper in your hands again, the words on the back staring back at you as you slipped the drawing under the door and knocked, before turning and walking away to join the line of people leaving the drive in for the last time.

But even as you climbed into your truck, you couldn't shake the feeling the twilight drive-in wouldn't be the only thing changing in Riverdale.

Tags list: @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @deanackles67 @thejourneyofabrokenheart @bbyhansol143 @half-and-halfxx @yummyphoenix39 @scrolling-my-life away @littlefrenchbird

[backtojuno]

yoooo ive been really inactive lately, ive been going through a lot of shit. under the readmore is a bunch of stuff i need to get off my chest/make sense of. just be warned, its really long

you can read it if you want but its mostly complaining and cursing

riiiiight so about 2 months ago shit hit the fucking fan. Ive had problems with my neck thats caused very, very bad headaches for maybe 5/6 years or so. mostly i wasnt able to get anything done about it, being dependent on 2 parents who are both very pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps kind of people.in june though, i started working extra shifts at my job so i could pay for a chiropractor. and it worked, i had no headaches... for about a month. for a month after that the headaches came back, even though i was still seeing the chiropractor. AND FUCKING THEN

i was at work, my last weekend before i went on a 2-week trip to see my mom up in ohio! i was super excited. but also in a lot of pain too. most of the way through my shift i cracked my neck, a little bit too hard. all of a sudden i was floating about a foot over my head, i was getting hot flashes, and the left side of my throat went numb. of course, i panicked, told my manager and called my dad. my dad called his doctor and he said that since my hands/feet/anything werent tingling or anything like that I was alright, but i should still see a doctor. dad decided not to take me to the ER, but I was still goddamn scared. I still am, honestly. of course, this got more complicated. it was a saturday, so doctors offices were closed and wouldnt be open til monday, the day that id leave for ohio. it was a really hard decision but if i didnt get on the plane to ohio, i wouldve had to forfeit the trip entirely. so, i went to ohio and my mom set an appointment for thursday for a doctor.

i waited, we went, and i told my story to the doctor. she didnt do any tests on me, didnt even touch me. just said i had probably hit a nerve and that i was fine, and offered to prescribe medicine which i didnt want. EXCEPT. FOR FUCKS SAKE. the day after i went to the doctor i started feeling this pressure on the side of my throat,right in that fleshy part just underneath the back of your jaw.i thought and hoped it would go away. it fucking didnt. some days were better than others but on some days id be sightseeing with my family and id be silent, standing in a museum looking at The Plane that The Wright Brothers Themselves built, and trying not to panic bc the pressure in my throat was bad and it felt like i couldnt get enough air in. when i told my mom she told me to calm down. that did not help, at all. anyways, the rest of the trip passed and i flew home. EXCEPT. JESUS CHRIST. while i was on the plane, i was having a hard time popping my ear. I didnt have any gum (and i hate gum anyways bc of misophonia) so i ended up spending the entire plane ride moving my jaw to try and pressurize my ear. that, of course, ended up with me doing something to the right side of my jaw that makes it crackle and sometimes pop when i move it. it also hurts sometimes, which is weird bc the only jaw pain ive ever had was when i had all 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out at once. with the pressure in my throat though, it was kind of an afterthought at the time

anyways. since doctor #1 really hadnt done anything and i didnt have a primary doctor, i decided to go to the primary doctor my mom and sister went to when they still lived down here with me. its probably a good time to mention that that side of the family is the one im close to and im stuck here in florida for another year while i finish college. anyways. getting to him was a long wait but i got there and told him my story and he ordered some x rays of my neck and bloodwork, and prescribed me medicine. i waited for the tests and waited more for the follow up. looked at everything and told me everything was peachy keen, perfect except for a little bit of degeneration in my spinal vertebrae. it looked like things were kinda (really) out of his area of expertise, so he prescribed me a different medicine and a few sessions of physical therapy and recommended a nose & throat specialist to go to if the throat pressure didnt go away. i am goddamn lucky my dad offered to pay for my medical expenses. Doctor #3 was more or less useless.

on to doctor #3! he’s a neck specialist. i managed to get an appointment pretty quickly with him so i waited to see him. i didnt see him on the day of the appointment, but rather his assistant. she listened to my story (except that i forgot to tell her about the throat pressure thing. i s2g i go featherbrained around doctors) and then tested my arm and leg strength/mobility/general usefulness/whatever. then she ordered an mri of my neck. i waited for the mri, then waited again for the follow up. She, of course, said there was nothing wrong and when i remembered to tell her about the throat thing (which had still not gone away, 2 months later) she just looked kinda confused. she, like doctor #2, prescribed me a different medicine and a month of physical therapy. i think somewhere along the timeline of seeing doctor #3 my jaw started acting up again? i dont remember the exact timing of that but it hurt, and it sucked. my throat also started getting pretty uncomfortable when i talked, like i had to work harder to speak at a normal level. that also sucks when you work in a customer service job

so i managed to rule out that the throat thing wasnt bc of my neck and that my vertebrae werent gonna spontaneously combust or anything, i booked an apointment with the nose & throat specialist, which was on tuesday. by this time i was a damn mess. i still felt at times that i was having a hard time breathing and i really couldnt even think about it without going on the verge of a panic attack. 2 months and NO answers other than “huh, that’s weird” (the physical therapist literally told me that to my face). i had started to do research on my own for lack of anything better. that led me to eagle syndrome! which described exactly what i was feeling! (http://www.livingwitheagle.org/t/es-information-common-symptoms-and-possible-explanations-for-them/1389) and from what i read, there’s no cure! just analgesics and surgery, really. that really, really did not help- if you cant do anything then whats the point, right?

EX-FUCKING-CEPT. right around the time that i figured that out, i started having pain in my chest. i didnt know why it was happening (i later figured out that its bc when i sleep on my side i put too much pressure on my chest and it hurts me where my ribs and my sternum meet. it just decided to act up then). still though, i didnt know that at the time and let me tell you, when your chest starts hurting after youve been having whats more or less a 2-month-long constant panic attack, its goddamn TERRIFYING. i had lost my appetite a couple days before and had not been eating much, so i was weak and my heart was beating weirdly. i asked my dad what to do. he told me to call my primary, and they told me to go to the ER. i asked my dad to take me to the ER. his answer? “no, we’re going to an urgent care clinic”. the urgent care clinic, of course, couldnt do anything, while i sat there crying. (the doctor there, doctor #4, literally told me to just wait to see the nose & throat guy and that “i should try to be more composed when i see him”) meanwhile, when trying to talk about what ive been feeling to my parents, aka several mentions that i feel like im choking, i was just told to calm down. as if everything wasnt crumbling and going wrong.

so i waited until the appointment on tuesday. actually, no i didnt, i went into depression mode(TM), getting nothing done, and ended up in the doctors office an hour and a half before the appointment on the verge of tears. since it was uncomfortable to talk and something just outside of my throat had started hurting a week before, i had typed up my story (named “The Big Clusterfuck” on my computer). doctor #5 did some tests and mentioned eagle syndrome, even though i had only described it in the paper and not named it, and TMJ. he gave me prednisone for a week and told me to come back in a week. i feel bad for the man, i cried a lot.

ive managed to get my appetite back and have started eating again, and spent all of yesterday evacuating florida. i really, really hope the prednisone works. i dont know what im gonna do if it doesnt. if youre religious or do witchy stuff or whatever floats your boat, please send along a prayer or a spell or something. im not as bad as i was last week but im still Not Okay

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill

The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard.

And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up.

Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait.

But when we went through to the story, what we got was this

Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream.

Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got?

Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category.

This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street.

The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy.

But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this:

What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell.

And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running.

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