#i feel like my footsteps are weightless in the worst way possible

[defiledtomb]

not really feeling so good, my fellas, my dudes

[lovely-angst]

haori

Lol, its 4 am and im writing angst

Giyuu was known to be quiet, calm and reserved and as his wife, you could speak on it. There were very rare times that Giyuu would raise his voice or get mad.

But here you were, shaken up in front of your angry husband as you listened and watched him pace around frustrated. 

Your eyes were wide as you held your hands close to your chest. You’ve never seen Giyuu so upset before. “Giyuu, I’m sure we’ll find it! The wind must have blown it away into the forest behind our home!” You tried, taking a step closer to him.

“(Name), how can you be so careless as to lose my haori?” He asks, voice laced with annoyance as he turns to face you. “You understand how important it is to me, couldn’t you have kept a better eye on it?” 

His words slowly degraded you as you sunk into yourself—Giyuu never spoke to you this way.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean for this to have happened...I just wanted to take care of it for you,” you reply gently but all Giyuu could do was muster a sigh. 

“It would have been better if I never had given it to you in the first place,” brushing past you, Giyuu walks into the bedroom as you stand frozen in your spot, shaken with tears.

Hearing him say those words to you hurt you a lot. He didn’t trust you anymore and to know that, it really hurt you.

Tears fell from your eyes as you silently sobbed into your hands. Why did you have to be so stupid sometimes? So careless that even Giyuu could get upset with you.

The next morning came by and you awoke to Giyuu getting ready to go to his pillar meeting. Gathering up the courage, you rose from the futon to find your husband only to find him by the door, getting ready to leave the residence. 

“Have a safe day, Giyuu,” you say warmly to him only to be met with silence and the sight of his back. You watched sadly as he ignored your words, sliding the shoji door open and closing it shut behind without even sparing you a glance.

Your gaze dropped as you frowned sadly at the ground. You knew how much the haori meant to him, but you didn’t expect him to act this way towards you, his wife. 

Shaking your head, you ran to the bedroom with a found sense of determination as you quickly changed out of your sleepwear into a wearable yukata. 

“Nothing will be solved if I don’t try to find that haori,” you say to yourself as you lightly pack for the journey. 

Imagining how thrilled Giyuu would be once you���ve found his haori was all you could hope for. But searching for the haori was no easy task. 

The forest seemed to go on for miles as you stared at the neverending lines of trees. Stepping foot into the dirt ground, you glanced around hoping that your eyes would catch the mix-matched haori. 

Yet, after hours and hours of searching, you stared down at your empty hands. Tears of frustration welled up in your eyes as you turned to stare at the setting sun. 

You didn’t want to go home empty-handed and a failure. You wanted to go home to Giyuu with his haori in your hands. For him to speak to you, to look at you again. 

Defeated, you decided it to be better for you to head home while the sun was still out. You didn’t want to run into trouble with any demons and you didn’t want to cause Giyuu any more trouble than you already had.

Just as you were about to turn back, your eye caught sight of a familiar looking pattern before you ran to get a closer look. 

Sure enough, it was Giyuu’s haori. 

Breaking out into a wide smile, you ran toward the large tree, setting your back down before carefully climbing to retrieve the precious clothing. Once your hand pressed against the soft silk material, you felt all the tension escape your body.

Giyuu would love you once more. 

Dropping down onto your feet, you inspected the haori thoroughly, relieved to find out that it was still in mint condition, just the way you last saw it. 

“I’m never letting you out of my sight,” folding the haori gently, you tuck it into the front of your yukata before gathering your items to return home. 

The sun was quickly setting leaving you with shadows upon shadows as you locked sight of the exit. 

With each step, you could already see how relieved Giyuu would be to see you back with his haori—you couldn’t wait to be back in his arms. 

A silent cry tore from your lips as you were tackled onto the ground by such a force that you dropped your bag from your arms, separating you from your wisteria flowers. 

Your eyes widened as you stared up at the demon above you as they held your shoulders down, eyes locked onto you with a devilish grin. “Why is such a precious little one wandering alone in the forest where demons lurk?” 

Words died on your lips as you stared into their own. You were so close to exiting, but now you had a demon on your hands. 

Was Giyuu close? You weren’t sure. 

Before they could say another word, you crashed your head forward at the demon before they let you go, wailing in pain as you made your escape toward the cliff of the mountain where the sun was still shining down. 

“If I have to go down, I’m taking you down with me,” the demon growls as they lunge at you, sending the two of you off the cliff before disintegrating in the sun.

Feeling your weightless body fly through the air, you reach toward the cliff in hopes that someone could be there to take your hand. 

But you were met with the empty air.

-

As Giyuu treaded home, he couldn’t help but think of you. Maybe he was a bit rough with you the other night. 

Yes, he was upset that you lost his haori. He knew that you understood how important it was to him and knew that you wouldn’t purposely lose it. 

The joy in your face the moment he handed you the haori always filled his heart with love and he would do it a million times over to see you so happy. 

His haori was a story in the past, maybe it was time to let them go. 

Sliding the door to his home open, Giyuu was surprised to see it dark and lifeless. Usually, you would be there to have dinner ready, but maybe you fell asleep again.

Walking up to the bedroom, he was surprised to see it empty. Where could you be at such a time? 

Giyuu didn’t want to assume the worst. Maybe you were still shopping in town, he knew how much you enjoyed being in the village. But the sun had long set and there was still no sign of you. 

His heart began to race as he thought of the multiple scenarios that ran across his head. Only once he smelled the familiar scent of the wisteria flowers did he come back to his senses. 

Glancing down at the kitchen table, he saw the bunches of wisteria flowers. Did you go out at a time like this?

Giyuu never moved so fast in his life before. You were probably out looking for his haori that he got upset over, he was such an idiot. 

Running toward the forest like you had suggested yesterday, Giyuu looked around for you, only to find no trace of you anywhere. His palms were sweaty as his stomach began to churn, the nervousness slowly taking over his body. 

Right then, he caught sight of the little bag you always carried with you. Running over towards the bag, his eyes widened once he confirmed it was yours, packed with wisteria flowers as just as he thought. 

Though your bag was here, there was no sight of you anywhere. 

Just as he was about to turn back into the forest, Giyuu noticed the rough footsteps leading towards the edge of the cliff. He felt sick just thinking of what could have happened, but he needed to make sure.

He had to see it for himself. 

The sun was long gone, but the moon that rose in the sky illuminated ground for him. Staring down at the bottom of the cliff, Giyuu noticed a dark silhouette beside the river. Could that be you? 

Rushing down, Giyuu’s heart raced with each step that brought him closer. And to his heart’s dismay, there you were. 

“(Name)!” Picking your wet, unconscious body up, Giyuu worriedly pushed your hair back only to reveal the blood painted along the side of your head as you head lolled backward. 

Pressing his head on your chest, Giyuu felt all the tension leave his body when he heard the soft flutter of your heartbeat. 

He still had a chance of saving you. 

Holding you close to his body, Giyuu ran towards the butterfly estate where he knew you could get the care you needed to come back to him. 

As soon as Shinobu saw you passed out in his arms, she immediately went to work to save you. Her orders were placed onto Aoi and the younger girls as she checked your state in a hurried matter. 

“I-Is she okay?” Giyuu asked only for Shinobu to turn around and usher him out of the room. “You stay out here, I’ll come get you when I’m done,” she states before shutting the door in his face.

Sighing, Giyuu could only stand beside the door in hopes that you’d be okay. 

What seemed like forever, Shinobu finally stepped outside your room before shutting the door shut, turning to glance at Giyuu who was waiting frantically for an answer on your condition.

“She barely has a heartbeat, but she’s there,” She informs as Giyuu lets out a sigh at her words, his fists clenched tight beside him. 

“She has a high fever on top of a possible concussion. She’s lucky to be alive at all after a fall from that height, likely that she fell into the river before making it to shore.” Shinobu informs, placing a hand on Giyuu’s shoulder.

Her purple eyes watch him before raising her hand to hold something out for him. “(Name) had this tucked in her yukata. I think it belongs to you,” 

Raising his head, Giyuu’s eyes lock onto the familiar haori before he shakily takes it into his hands. Unraveling the folded fabric, Giyuu took notice of the new stitches that were done so delicately by your gentle hands. 

“You can go and see her, just don’t try to wake her up, she needs all the rest she can get,” and with that, Shinobu walks away leaving Giyuu alone in the quiet hallway. 

Hesitating before the door, Giyuu finally slid the door open before walking towards the side of your bed where you rested. 

His blue eyes gazed over your weak body before he slipped his large hand into your smaller one, giving you a gentle squeeze. 

“Please wake up soon, (Name).” 

-

Though Giyuu wanted you to get all the rest you could, he wasn’t expecting you to be out for three whole days. 

Don’t worry about it too much, she’s just resting from her injuries,” was what Shinobu had explained to him when he asked why you still hadn’t woken up. And he had no choice but to trust her words. 

But when he walked into your room one day to see you awake and sitting up in your bed, he had never felt so relieved before. Running over to you, he stopped beside your bed before falling onto his knees from exhaustion. 

“Giyuu?” he heard your soft voice say before you ran your fingers through his hair. “Are you okay?”

“(Name), you’re awake..” Giyuu responded weakly before he snaked his arms around your waist. “I-I’m so happy.”

Lifting his head up to meet your eyes, all he wanted to do was hold you in his arms. But the sight of your pale and frail self was wrapped up in bandages, Giyuu held himself back for your sake. 

“Was I out long?” you asked, shocked to find out you were out for three days. “I’m sorry for worrying you,” you replied, reaching for his hand. 

“Don’t apologize to me. Not when you’re in this state because of me.” Giyuu’s gaze fell onto your lap as he clenched his teeth frustrated at himself. “I should have never treated you like I did.”

Seeing his haori peek out from his lap, you let out a sigh before bringing your hand toward his cheek, lifting his head up to look at you. “Giyuu, honey,” your voice is like honey to him as you lean down to press a kiss in the middle of his brows. “Don’t blame yourself.”

Gazing into his eyes, you give him a small smile before shifting to one side of the bed as best as you could before patting the empty side, “Come here,” you say, Giyuu’s cheeks turning a rosy color as he stared dumbfoundedly. 

“I-I don’t want to accidentally hurt you, (Name),” he confesses only for you to gently pull him up. “You wouldn’t hurt me, I always feel safe in your arms.” 

Thankfully, it was enough to get Giyuu to join you. He was still a little awkward and tense with you, but learned to loosen up when he felt you snuggling into his chest. 

With a sigh, you closed your eyes, resting a hand on Giyuu’s chest. “I love you, Giyuu,” 

Hearing those soft, innocent words leave your lips, Giyuu made a mental note to shower you in all the love and affection he could once you got out of bedrest. 

Pressing a kiss onto your forehead Giyuu rested his head on yours before shutting his eyes, enjoying the feeling of you in his arms once more.

You deserved everything in the world and more.

- e x t r a - 

“Tomioka-san? I’m here to check up on-” upon entering the room, Shinobu quickly cut her sentence short as she gazed at the loving couple who laid asleep on the small bed, cuddled close together like two perfect puzzle pieces. 

A smile rose onto her lips as she quietly turned back before shutting the door close, making sure that the two could get a good rest with no interruptions. 

Walking back toward her office, she couldn’t help but smile at the couple. She always enjoyed teasing Giyuu, but she was glad that he had found someone to love him as he loved them. 

[junietc]

car rides with you - peter parker

peter parker x reader

pairing: peter parker/spiderman x reader

word count: 6567

warning: swearing, some asshole who doesn’t know how to respect women, and fluffffff

a/n: i’ve had this in my drafts for way too long so i decided to finish it before i forgot it ever existed. its really long but i hope you’ll enjoy a one shot with our favourite little peter benjamin parker :)

send in requests and share your love ~

If you were being honest, it wasn’t like you needed Peter to drive you to and from school each day. You had options. You could take the bus or ask your dad to pick you up or even walk. But having a personal chauffeur didn’t hurt, and if he was so nice as to offer it, then how could you say no? 

Plus, it was on his way. Sort of. It was only a detour of about a block; maybe less a detour and more an alternate route? Either way, his apartment complex was hardly two minutes away. Five minutes to walk, three with your bike, six if you hobble over with a tweaked ankle. 

This was a route you’ve been intimately familiar with since you became best friends in the seventh grade. Back when your hair was barely past your ears after a platinum blonde mishap (you still immediately dyed it green after lobbing off half of it) and Peter was wearing the same hideous Star Wars sweater every day. Somehow, both of you believed these fashion choices would help improve your social status.

Both of you were delusional. 

Luckily, by ages sixteen (you) and seventeen (Peter, by default), you’d come to your senses. Sure, Peter’s penchant for sweaters persisted – why would any one person need five of what was basically the same sweater? – but you grew your hair back out and kept its inoffensive natural colour. And neither of you wore shirts with puns on them. Not anymore.

Earlier this year, back when you were still sophomores, Peter passed his driver’s test. Now with a full license and his aunt’s old sedan, he’s taken the habit of waking up the whole neighbourhood with his obnoxious honking.

Okay, maybe not the entire neighbourhood. Really, just you. 

Still, today was no different.

“Hey, Peter,” you yelled out as you swung the door open, “How about shutting the fuck up?”

You shoved your feet into your shoes and scrambled out, backpack dangling off the crook of your elbow and burnt toast between your teeth as you try to shut the door. Peter leaned across to push open the passenger door so that you could throw your things into the backseat. Papers flew out of the half-zipped bag and spilled onto the floor. 

“For the expletives, I’m afraid I’ll have to only give you a three-star passenger rating,” Peter quipped.

You frowned deeply, pulling the seatbelt. The mechanism got stuck, and you had to pull it out a few more times again. Peter just grinned at you, clearly taking joy in your glares.

“So, ready for the chem test?” he asked, shifting the gears. 

You rolled your eyes, knowing very well that you had sent him a distressed voice message at four in the morning of you crying, saying how you were going to fail, but decided to respond as nicely as possible. “Fuck off.”

He chuckled. He pulled up to the intersection, slowing down but not stopping at the sign. 

You mock gasped. “Wow, illegal. Imagine if there were cops. I’m going to have to give you two stars. I can’t have my Uber driver potentially getting arrested.”

He sighed, shoving you with his free hand. You almost scolded him for not keeping both hands on the wheel (one star!), but he began talking before you could. “You should know, that if I ever was sent to jail, it would never be for something as lame as not stopping at a stop sign”

You snorted before rolling your eyes. “Oh? What would it be for then? Pirating video games?”

“Exactly.” He winked exaggeratedly; you shoved his face to focus back on the road. You looked down at the charred toast, which had been sprinkling crumbs all over your lap. It was far from appetizing, but your stomach growled, and you decided to scarf it down – it was that or no breakfast at all.

Peter laughed at the wince you tried to stomach what was basically a brick of carbon. (Honestly, he laughed at your expense a lot. Some friend.) “I really don’t know why you haven’t just started waking up earlier. I mean, I pick you up at the same time every day and-”

“Okay dad. I’ll start waking up earlier,” you lied.

“I hope you know that I know, you’re lying.”

You flipped him off. 

-----

Lunch seemed to be the only time that you and MJ ever got to hang out at school, so you took pride in making the most of your conversations. 

The two of you shared a laugh and through your peripheral vision, you saw Ned and Peter waving at you before coming to sit down. “So, what are we talking about?” Ned asked as you turned to face them with a smile. 

“Where MJ is going to hide my body after she kills me,” you notice her crack a smile as Ned and Peter both give you strange looks. “I was thinking maybe throw me in a river, but she thinks that burying me twenty feet underground would make it harder for the cops to find.”

The two boys looked at you apprehensively as MJ chuckled as you grinned cheerfully. “Should I be concerned?” Peter asked before you all laughed. 

“Anyways. I was thinking of finally taking my driver’s test. I decided might as well get it over with no?” MJ and Ned both nodded at your suggestion, MJ even mumbling something among the lines of “finally”. Peter on the hand looked, well, skeptical. 

“You want to take it now? Out of the blue? Why? I thought you wanted to wait until you had a job,” he questioned.

After taking another sip of the juice box you managed to steal from Ned, you shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I might as well get it over with. I mean, it’s been well over six months since my written test and I’ve been practicing enough with you and my dad, so I should be fine.”

Peter nodded, though a slight frown still prominent on his face. The conversation steered over to a completely different topic when Ned brought up the chemistry test causing you to pretend to bawl and everyone to laugh.

After lunch had ended, you said your goodbyes to Ned and MJ as you and Peter stopped at your locker. You were in the midst of grabbing your book when he sighed heavily, causing you to stare at him. “You know if you really wanted me to stop driving you, you could have just said so,” his voice was offended as you scoffed.

“What? Where would you get that idea from idiot?”

Huffing slightly, he shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe when you said you wanted to finally get your license.” 

“Are you serious? I’ve been meaning to get my license for the past few months you dummy. Plus, I can’t count on you to drive me everywhere. You’re busy with your own life, you know with that Stark internship and everything. Not to mention, you’re still going to have to drive me to school, since I don’t even have a car,” you roll your eyes at the boy. 

A light smile started to tug on his lips. “Alright. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t trying to get rid of me,” he joked as you snorted in response.

“Oh trust me, I’ve been trying since the day I met you,” Peter pouts as you flicked him in the forehead. “Stop with that face. You know I suck up to how cute each time,” his cheeks tinged a pinkish hue as you ruffled his hair and laughed. 

“O-Oh. Yeah, haha. Sorry,” he murmured as you started to walk in the opposite direction. He caught up with you before heading over to English – which truly was your worst subject – and sitting next to each other. 

Peter fiddled with his pencil for the most of class while you aggressively took notes, wishing that Mr. Petersons would slow down and breathe.

“Alright class. That’s it for today but if everyone could just pick their partners for the project and try and get started over the weekend, that would be great,” as he dismissed everyone, you and Peter turned to each other, giving a silent acknowledgement that you were each other’s partner. 

Heading out of the classroom, you and Peter both went your separate ways. “See you after school!” you waved before heading to History.

History was blur of numbers, years and dead people that you were going to have to remember for an upcoming test, so you were thankful that the clock had finally read 3:00. Your teacher finally dismissed you, causin you to rush to the parking lot, seeing Peter already sitting in the front seat. “Hey there Parker,” you knocked on the window as he smiled and unlocked the door. 

“Hey, how was history?” rolling your eyes, you told him about the dumb test you were going to have to study for. He laughed as he buckled his seatbelt, “well at least you have the weekend to study for it. Speaking of which. When do you want to meet to work on the English project?”

Sighing slightly at the reminder that you had other things you also had to work on, you bit your lip. “Are you cool with Saturday? I’ll just walk over, maybe at like three or four,” Peter nodded as he started the car. 

“Sounds good to me.”

------

Swinging around Queens was always a nice break for Peter, seeing all of the buildings and feeling almost weightless was a nice distraction from all of his studies and duties but he always seemed to forget the time when he was doing so. 

Cue Peter – well Spiderman I guess – hurriedly swinging back to his apartment when he received a text from you saying you were at his door. “Shit, shit, shit!” he swore, finally reaching his window and climbing in. 

As he changed to some regular clothing, May’s voice echoed throughout the little apartment, talking to you as footsteps approached. “He’s been in his room for quite a while. I’m not sure what he’s been up to,” Peter was frantically trying to search for a shirt in his mess of a room when the footsteps got closer. “I have some muffins I baked earlier on the counter, feel free to have one if you get hungry. I’ll be off for a bit so just call if you –” May’s voice seems to be getting closer when she suddenly opened the door, revealing you staring at him, neck immediately snapping to turn the other direction. Peter tried covering himself with a pillow as May immediately said she had to go and left you both alone, very uncomfortable. 

You stood there, unsure of what to do and more so, where to look. Though obviously you looked away and allowed Peter to have his privacy finding a shirt, you couldn’t help but think of his shirtless figure. Since when did he start working out? ‘When did he get those abs? Is this the same Peter that literally dropped me during a drama performance last year?’ you thought to yourself, cheeks tinging pink as Peter finally put on a shirt.

“Hey, um – sorry about that. I was just –”

“Nope! It’s alright. We can just forget this ever happened,” you rushed to say, shaking your head.

Peter blushed before nodding. “Right. Let’s just erase the last two minutes from our brain.” 

You swung your legs as you sat on his bed. “You weren’t doing anything weird right? Because I know that guys - “

“That’s not what I was doing! I was just changing,” he shook his head as you laughed. “Asides from that. Do you want to start working on the project?” You nodded as the two of you got to work. 

– a few hours later –

  You were both hard at work, basically finished the first two parts of the project, leaving only the last section left when you flopped onto Peter’s bed dramatically. “I’m so exhausted,” you whined, as Peter chuckled. 

“We only have one more part to do and we’re practically done the project, so do you want to finish it now?” Peter asked, still typing in his laptop. 

You pursed your lips, pondering on the idea of that but shook your head ultimately. “Nah. I’m tired. Plus, we’ve been working our asses off the past three hours. I just need to breathe.” 

Peter laughed at your dramatics before he asking question. “Do you wanna watch a movie?”

Obviously agreeing to a break in any form, you nodded eagerly and headed over to the living room. You managed to steal a blanket from his bed and bundled yourself up as Peter turned on the television. “So, what are we watching?” he asked, flipped through the collection of old DVD’s. 

“Can we watch Star Wars?” he pleaded as you rolled your eyes, this was probably the third time this month he wanted to watch Star Wars, but you agreed to it anyways. 

“Fine, just don’t be annoying about it again.” 

------

The weekend seemed to breeze by with you desperately trying to study for the history test, and with only a few mental breakdowns and a couple thousand replays of your favourite song, you were ready.

Obviously, you severely underestimated how cruel Ms. Gail could have possibly been and left the classroom wanting to punch yourself, or her, in the face.

Luckily you didn’t have to endure another class seeing as the day was over and you could get home to your bed to cry in private. But before that of course, you were forced to see Peter’s face.

A light smile was etched on his face as you settled in the car. “So how was the –”

“Don’t bring it up. I am already debating whether or not I should throw myself off a building,” you groaned, leaning your head back on the seat. Peter laughed before trying to reassure you that it really couldn’t have been that bad, but you responded with, “no it really was. I honestly think I only got one or two answers right.”

Trying to raise your spirits, an idea popped in his head. “Do you want to get sandwiches at Mr. Delmar’s? Maybe that’ll lighten up your mood,” he suggested as a bright grin formed on your face. As devastated as you were, you were sure that a full stomach would make everything better. “Alright let’s go.”

Obviously, parking was a nightmare in central Queens, so, you decided it would be easier to walk there instead. The two of you headed to the small corner shop, making light conversation. After opening the door to the store, the two greeted Mr. Delmar, Peter snatching a packet of gummies worms and you going directly to pet Murph, Mr. Delmar’s cat. 

“Hey Murph! How’s my cutie doing?” he purred in response before you walked over to the cash with Peter. “Hey Mr. Delmar! Business running smoothly?”

He smiled at you before answering. “Of course. I’ve got my two most frequent costumers keeping me in business,” you and Peter laughed before ordering your sandwiches, paying and heading off. 

You walked back to the school and got back in Peter’s car, eating your sandwiches in the school parking lot. The two of you conversed, making up dumb scenarios and silly topics for a while. Peter nearly choked of laughter as you tried to defend Tik-Tok.

“Not all of Tik-Tok is thirst traps okay! Maybe yeah there’s a weird subsection of it, but it really depends on the algorithm! Most of the users are sane – ish,” you argued as Peter shook his head. 

“I really don’t get it. And somehow you stay up until morning watching them! Didn’t you do that when Vine was still around?” he took a pause, a dramatic gasp escaping from his lips. “You’re not saying what I think you’re saying are you?”

You placed on a hand on your chest in slight offence. “No! What? Listen, I’m not saying that Tik-Tok is better than Vine, don’t get me wrong but –”

“But what? Tell me?” he raised a brow at you, suspicious as to which team your truly were on. 

You shook your head laughing before punching him on the side of his arm. “You’re such a piss off Parker. Hey, should we get going? It’s getting late,” Peter looked at the time on his phone before nodding, taking a final bite of his sandwich before starting the car. 

“Oh, shoot you’re right,” you smugly flipped your hair, as he rolled his eyes. 

“Aren’t I always?”

----

“You said yes?” Peter demanded, trying to keep up with you as you walked to your locker. 

Sighing as you rummage through your locker you answer, “Yeah I said yes. Noah is a good guy and quite frankly, I don’t see why it would even matter to you?” 

“You said that you would think about it!”

Turning to face him as you shut your locker closed, you rolled your eyes. “That was nearly a week ago and I’ve thought about it since then. Besides, it’s not like it’s that big of a deal. It’s just one date.”

“You see that’s where it starts!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “It’s just a first date but then it’s a second and a third and soon he’s your boyfriend and he’s the one driving you to school and everywhere and then, where am I?”

You shook your head laughing slightly at the brunette. “Would you calm down Peter? You’re getting way too ahead of yourself for the first part. And yeah, maybe it’ll be more than one date but trust me you can keep driving me to school. Also we’ve been best friends since middle school, I wouldn’t just ditch you when I got boyfriend,” he seemed to calm down, nodding slowly at the words you were saying but he knew it was more than just being allowed to drive you to school. “I’ll see you around okay?” you smiled before heading off to meet up with Noah, who was standing with a group of his friends. 

Peter’s smile faded away shortly as he watched Noah wrap his arm around your shoulder. He was too busy thinking of different scenarios to notice Ned had come up beside him or the fact that you had slapped Noah’s arm away. “Hey Peter. What are you looking – oh. Sorry man,” Ned tried to console Peter, but the words seemed to pass his mind. Sighing, Ned tried to pat his shoulder. “I mean, it is kind of your fault.” 

“Excuse me?” the words seemed to catch his attention as he turned around to face his best friend. 

Ned shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. “Hey not trying to be rude but maybe if you hadn’t chickened out into asking her out, you could’ve been the one dating her,” Peter stared at his friend, slightly hurt but also aware that everything he was saying was right. 

“Yeah, maybe if I had.” 

He couldn’t help but look at you wistfully, his heart almost aching at the idea of you going out with anyone else but him but at this point, what could he really do?

Waving bye to Ned, Peter headed off into his car and drove home since you were already going with Noah on your date. Once he got into his apartment, he saw May and smiled.  “Hey Pete, how was your day?” tucking his hands in his sweater pocket he sighed slightly. 

“It was okay, I guess. Erm – I’m gonna work on my assignment in the library. I’ll be back in a bit,” he said, heading off to his room to grab a few things. 

May shouted from in the kitchen, “alright! I’ll be heading off to grab a few things. Just be back before dinner!” he grabbed his suit and tried to get some fresh air to distract himself.

----

A month had passed, and you and Noah were happily dating, much to the dismay of Peter, who constantly tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his heart every time you two would display physical affection, but it was whatever. 

You got in his car and buckled your seat belt without a word to Peter. You were tired of schoolwork as you always were, so you weren’t as talkative as you usually were. Slumping into the chair and sighing heavily Peter stared at you.

“Everything okay?”

You looked at him surprised, nodding. “Of course! I’m just really exhausted. Got a lot of work, that’s all.” You sighed, looking at the text on your phone. “Hey, we should get going. May’s probably wondering where you are, and I have a date with Noah so I can’t be late.” 

The moment that Noah’s name was mentioned, Peter mentally rolled his eyes but nodded and started to drive again. 

He dropped you off at your place before texting his aunt May that he would be heading over to the library to work. He drove over and got to the library, trying to find a place to sit.

After finding a seat, he pulled out his laptop and worked for a while, maybe a few hours or so before heading back home. May still wasn’t back and Peter really needed some air, so he put on the suit before leaving through his window and swinging around. It was a nice distraction as he watched the sun slowly start to set, dealing with a few petty crimes around the neighbourhood. He was about to call it a day when he heard a shout coming from someone. 

“Hey! Get off me!” the voice sounded awfully familiar and as soon as he realized who it was, Peter’s stomach dropped. “I said get off!” you were shouting from about a block away, trying to keep a man away from you. 

“Oh, come on, you look all nice and dolled up. Why won’t you just –” the man started before you started to attack him with your bag. Sure, you weren’t scared of him, but you were really hoping he would catch a clue and leave you alone for the rest of the night. You were tired and your feet hurt, and the sun was setting so you really didn’t want to be walking alone back to your place in the dark. You’d forgotten your phone like a dumbass in your room, so there really weren’t that many options. “You bitch! I can understand why you’re walking all alone! I wouldn’t want to be near such a whore either!” the words sank into your skin as you made a disgusted face at the man. 

“Listen if you could please just leave me alone it would be –” as you placed your hands up trying to be defensive, the man grabbed onto your wrists and started to pull on you. “Stop! What are you –?”

“She said stop.”

Your head whipped around, and you saw Spiderman hanging from a web. You watched the man smirk and laugh for a minute, his hands still holding onto your wrists. “And what are you gonna do? From what I’ve heard about you Spiderman is that you’re just a kid. Don’t think that I’d fear a –”

Before he could finish his sentence, Spiderman had knocked him cold with a single blow to the face. He turned to you and tried to make sure you were alright. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting him to get knocked out. Are you alright miss?” you nodded, trying to massage your wrists, damn that guy had a firm grip. You glared at his lying figure, still holding onto your wrists. Spiderman’s eyes, or well, you couldn’t really see his eyes through his mask but whatever, moved to your wrists. “Are you sure? Here, let me see.” 

He took your wrists gently, examining the potential bruises and making sure you were okay. You smiled before taking back your wrists. “I’m alright, honestly. Thank you for your help, even though I didn’t really need it,” you stated, causing him to scoff.

“Um what? From what I saw, he was holding you and you couldn’t move,” he crossed his arms making you snort.

“That’s because I was trying to reason with him before kicking him in the balls,” you mentioned, causing Spiderman to choke in response. “Kind of stupid that guy. I mean my legs weren’t restrained. But whatever. Thank you though. I do actually appreciate it,” you smiled and was about to walk off before he kept talking. 

“Why are you walking alone? I mean it’s getting late, no? Why not call someone to drive you home?” he asked making you stop and turn around. 

You placed your hand on your hip and shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought it would be nice to get some fresh air so I just decided to walk. But I’m starting to think I should just take the bus for the rest of the way back.”

“I could swing you back?” Spiderman’s offer was a surprising one, considering how this was your first time encountering the hero. Though it was a bit skeptical, you agreed to it, wanting to go home. “Just hold on tight alright?” he asked as you nodded, latching yourself to him, arms wrapped around his neck. You heard his breath hitch slightly as you wrapped your legs around his waist but ignored it as he shot a web up and started to swing. 

You screamed loudly, the adrenaline of being so high up and swing fast soon kicking in. “Do you even know where we’re going?” you shouted, the wind smacking you in the face. You rolled your eyes before giving your address to him and soon landing safely at your windowsill. Thankfully, your widow was still unlocked so you lifted it up and slid in. Before he left you tapped his shoulder. “Thanks Spiderman.” 

“Not a problem. Just being your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman.” 

He left soon, leaving you in your room, bored. You walked over to your desk and saw your phone there, a bunch of texts from MJ asking you how your date went so you went and responded. After binging a bit on Netflix, you decided to get ready for bed, knowing Peter was going to come honking at the door the next morning. 

----

“Wow, you’re early for once,” Peter joked as you sat in his car. You rolled your eyes at him, before turning on the radio. “How was your, umm, date yesterday?” he asked, clearly uncomfortable. 

You raised an eyebrow, confused as to why he had suddenly taken interest into your date with Noah. “It was the same as usual I guess,” you shrug. “Why?” 

“You walked home last night?” he huffed, causing you to readjust your position. You awkwardly nodded, because you knew he was going to go into his “you shouldn’t be walking home alone late at night” speech. 

“Yeah,” you admitted, as he stopped at the red light. “How did you know –”

He kept his eyes on the road before speaking. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you pursed your lips, shrugging once more. “I went to bed pretty early for once. I just forgot about it, I guess. Sorry,” you tried to apologize yet Peter’s face stayed stern. 

“Why didn’t Noah drop you off?”

You were shocked at his tone but answered him, trying to keep your own temper. “He said he had to go somewhere once we were done the movie. He apologized for your information. He’s got more in his life then just me.”

“No one goes on a date with someone and just leaves because they were ‘busy’,” he argued. You rolled your eyes at his behaviour. 

“Would you cut it out? It really wasn’t that big of a deal,” you snapped, crossing your arms and turning to look outside of the window. 

Peter turned to you and glared. “Not that big of a deal? I heard some guy tried to attack you,” he retorted, causing you to turn back and face him, confused as to how he knew. 

“Who told you?” 

“That doesn’t matter!” his tone was harsher, making you wince at the volume. He took a breath and regained his composure. “I just can’t believe Noah let you go home alone. Why didn’t you take the bus?” 

You were getting tired of his protective behavior, sighing. “Oh my god Peter. I’m not a helpless child, I can walk home on my own! For your information I didn’t have my bus pass. Besides it was hardly dark!” your attempts to reason with him fell on deaf ears. 

“There were so many other things you could have done though!”

“Like what?” 

“You could have called me!” 

“You were busy! You have a life that’s not taking care of me twenty-four seven! I don’t want to have to rely on you for every fucking moment of my life!” you retaliated, breathing heavily. “Besides, I didn’t even have my phone.”

“You could have –”

“Could have what Parker?” you were sick of him treating you as if you were incapable of doing anything. “I get that you’re just trying to look after me, but I can handle things on my own!” 

“Can you? Because it seems like the one time you are on your own you get yourself in situations like yesterdays!” 

“You think that it was my fault? You think that some guy trying to assault me is my fault? Are you fucking serious right now? You know what, I’ll just get Noah to drive me home tonight seeing as you clearly don’t trust me walk home on my own, because I don’t want you to drive me anymore. Don’t wait for me after school,” and with those words, the car had come to a stop and you slammed his car door, leaving Peter to slap himself across the forehead at his stupid mistake. Groaning to himself, he placed his head on the steering wheel. 

“What the fuck did I just do?”

------

It had been two weeks since you and Peter’s argument and neither of you had spoken to each other since. There had been awkward moments where you two would cross paths, like if you were hanging out with MJ and Ned, but you made it seems as if it were your sworn duty to ignore the boy. You sat with Noah and his friends at lunch and either walked home or had your dad pick you up. 

That was all until one fateful night.

It was maybe eleven, possibly even midnight, and Peter had just gotten back from patrol. It was boring that night. Nothing happened, maybe a guy flashing people down the street but asides from that, the city was calm.

He had climbed back into his room and sat down on his bed, laying up at the ceiling. He hadn’t done much the past few weeks since he didn’t have you to bother him with, so his life was boring. He laid there for a few more minutes before his phone buzzed.

He was quick to get up and grab his phone, wow addicted much, and his eyes squinted when reading the name, making sure they weren’t deceiving him.

you: hey

you: do you think you could come over?

Peter: ofc! On my way right now

you: thanks :)

The ride to your house was short and before he knew it, you were sitting beside him, awkwardly staring forewords. “Can we drive? Anywhere is fine,” you mumbled under your breath, latching on your seatbelt.

Peter nodded and started to drive off. He glanced to look at you a couple times, watching as you anxiously played with the sleeves of your sweater. Maybe ten minutes had passed, and you motioned for Peter to park the car on the side of a quiet street.

“Me and Noah broke up.”

Peter looked at her surprised. “Oh. Do you want to talk about – “

“Do you still have those movies you downloaded on your phone?” you asked quickly, avoiding his previous question. He nodded as you smiled. “Can we watch one of them in the back? I really just don’t want to think about anything.”

Peter smiled at the girl. “Anything for you.”

So, the two of you sat in the backseats of Peter’s old sedan, wrapped up in an old blanket and watching trashy romcoms together.

And it was perfect.

-----

The two of you had finally made amends after the incident and nearly a month had passed until the two of you were working on a project in Peter’s apartment.

While Peter was vigour sly typing up the document, you laid on his bed, playing with various Knick knacks he had scattered around his room.

“Peter?” He hummed his response before you continued. “What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about me?” 

“Sorry?” He paused his writing, confused at why you had suddenly decided to go into such a deep question.

You sat up for a second, repeating the same question. “What do you think of when you think of me?” you collapsed back down onto your back and laid your head on your arms. “Go on. Answer it?” 

He took a second to think about it before answering: “Annoying.”

“You think I’m annoying?” you deadpanned, rolling your eyes at his childish answer. 

“Undoubtedly. Every day I wonder how far I can shoot you into space,” he joked as you threw one of his pillows at his head. He caught it with ease, turning on his chair to face you. “Why are you asking? Did someone say something?” he asked defensively. 

You shook your head, playing with some strands of hair, braiding them carelessly. “No. I was just kind of sitting in my room earlier today and stumbled over a Tik Tok where a girl asked people what they thought of when they thought of her, so I just wondered about it. I asked MJ and she said that I reminded her of comfort and that one time we plotted to kill Ms. Gail,” Peter looked at you with a cocked brow as you shrugged. “I mean, at least her answer wasn’t as rude as yours.”

“Oh, come on. It was just a joke,” he tried to reason with you as you laughed. He left his desk and sat at the bottom of his bed beside you, taking a second to think about it. “I guess the first thing I think about, when I think about you, is cars.”

“Like the Pixar movie?”

Smacking you with the pillow he was holding, he rolled his eyes, “and you wonder why I said annoying?” 

“You love me,” you stated, as Peter sighed.

“No, but like cars. More so car rides,” he stopped himself, thinking of all the memories you have made in the car rides you had been on. “Like, I guess car rides with you are what I think of. Like how I pick you up and drop you every day. And all the stupid conversations we have, or watching you trying to put yourself together in the mornings when I pick you up. I think about the arguments we have gotten into, the tears that we shed, the terrible jokes you made, the movies we watched in the back of the car on your phone late at night,” a smile tugged at his lips as he thought: ‘It’s where I fell in love with you.’ He leaned his head back on the mattress of the bed. “I guess it’s just, our special thing.” 

You smiled to yourself at his answer, as you laid on your back staring at the ceiling. “That was a solid answer Parker,” you teased him. You slid down the bed, so that half of you was lying upside down and turned to face him. 

“Yeah well my real answer is just annoying,” he laughed before turning to face you. You both hadn’t realized how close you were to each other’s faces. Your nose was almost touching his as you stared into his soft brown eyes.

Neither of you moved. 

Just the sound of silence and your heartbeat going haywire.

“Do you want to know what comes to my mind when I think of you?” you asked smiling. “I think of how many times you’ve been there for me, showing up at midnight with your old sedan and your hair a mess. I think of how you always seem to be there no matter how pissed off I am at you or the world. I think of your cute face and how you always manage to make me smile. I think of how much I really love you Peter Parker. How your dorky face manages to be my entire world.”

Peter’s mind seemed to unravel as the words left your mouth. “You, love me?”

A light scoff seemed to escape your lips before you responded. “I do. Have been since sophomore year, but if you don’t feel the same, don’t feel obligated to answer. I know it’s really-“

His lips sealed over yours before another word could have been spoken. His hair tickled your eyes as you two got closer together, his hand placed on the back of your neck. The two of you parted, your eyes staring longingly into his. The two of you shared a pair of love sick smiles. 

“I guess that means you love me too?”

“You have no idea.”

[myaekingheart]

87. Open Water

If your love is just a dream, don't wake me up It's hard enough to face the world alone You are the one I waited for, I knew it all along (knew it all along) You are the one I'm fighting for, I knew it all along -Open Water, blessthefall

               This was a terrible idea. Or maybe it was a brilliant idea that turned terrible. Either way, Rei was certain that the universe was out to get her. Somehow she always had a way of finding herself in the worst possible situations, ones that always hinged on her exact preoccupations as if manifested from her own obsessive thoughts. She sunk even deeper into the bath so that only her eyes and the top of her head were above the surface and wondered what could possibly kill her first: boiling or drowning.

               When Mikazuki suggested a girl’s day, Rei found it incredibly difficult to refuse by virtue of Mikazuki’s demeanor. Ever since she and Tenzo had begun dating, she said she felt more and more out of touch with her friends. The trouble with dating a fellow ANBU, as Rei could surely attest to, was that you never truly escaped them. When you went to work, they were there. When you were off duty, they were there. There was no balance to it whatsoever. It was enough to drive even the most lovestricken person completely mad.

               There was a sense of suffocation in Mikazuki’s tone when she asked, her peridot eyes darting around the locker room as if the slightest rejection was bound to send her over the edge. How could Rei possibly say no? On the way home, she tried to convince herself this was a good idea. Maybe this was what she truly needed anyway—a day with the girls to just sit back and relax and let the tension melt from her shoulders. And god, did she have so much tension.

               As she made her way to the bath house, she thought of Kakashi. The longer she dwelled on how they ended things two weeks before, the more dissatisfied and bothered she became. Why couldn’t she just make a damn decision? Why didn’t she know what she wanted? But this was no concern of hers right now. Today was not the day to overanalyze. She was supposed to be relaxing. She shoved all of those thoughts out of her head as she slid open the front doors and stepped inside.

               Yugao and Mikazuki were already there when Rei arrived, chatting casually in the women’s dressing room as they slipped out of their shirts and tossed their panties aside. Rei peeked her head in and waved, then scampered inside to join the ritual. The echoed voices of a few other women wafted from the bath on the other side of the wall.

               “I’m really glad you were able to make it” Mikazuki smiled. “I really needed this.”

               “No problem” Rei said, ripping her shirt off and tossing it haphazardly into one of the cubbies. “Besides, I could use some relaxation anyway.”

               “It’ll feel great to ease my muscles” Yugao said, stretching her arms up over her head. “The cold weather always makes me so stiff.” Mikazuki and Rei nodded in agreement before approaching the bath.

               The water was a warm relief, all of Rei’s tension disappearing the minute she made her descent. She settled in at the edge and rested her head on the ledge, closing her eyes and letting the steam defrost her face.

               “So how are things going with you and Tenzo?” Yugao asked, tying her hair back as she dipped below the surface so only her shoulders and up were visible.

               Mikazuki’s face reddened and she averted her eyes. “Things are going…well” she said.

               “Uh oh” Yugao laughed. “You didn’t sound very confident there. Is everything alright?”

               Nodding, Mikazuki replied, “Oh, yes, everything’s fine! I just…I’m still so new to all of this. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing. I don’t know…we’re still learning about each other, I guess.”

               Yugao nodded. “That’s only natural this early in a relationship” she replied. A somber smile touched her lips. “I remember when Hayate and I first started dating. I was so clumsy! We would spar together all the time, but whenever he was near me, I would lose my footing and look like a total idiot!”

               Mikazuki chuckled softly; Yugao’s reminiscing seemed to help ease the tension. “Do you think you’ll ever love someone as much as you loved him?” she asked.

               Tracing the ripples in the water, Yugao shook her head. “No, I don’t think I ever will” she sighed. “He was my soulmate. Without him, I don’t even think I care to love again.”

               “That’s so sad” Mikazuki frowned, brushing a stray strand of hair back behind her ear.

               Their conversation faded out as Rei felt herself dozing off, the kinks in her shoulder muscles loosening. She had no idea how much time had passed, however, when she was snapped out of her daze by gasps and shrieks. When she opened her eyes, her head spun. None of this felt real.

               Standing before her, almost entirely naked save for a towel wrapped around his waist, was none other than Kakashi Hatake.

               He froze for a moment, his masked face reddening, before he chuckled nervously and waved at the air. “Uh…heh, wrong room” he said. One of the other women, rather stout and likely middle-aged, hurled a stool at his head and shrieked at him to get out, insisting he was a pervert. Truthfully, though, all he saw was Rei. They locked eyes and she felt her entire body ignite. This was too much. A yelp escaped her lips as she sunk even deeper into the bath and wondered what would kill her first: boiling or drowning.

               The moment Kakashi escaped, he realized he hadn’t been breathing. He rubbed his eyes as he tossed his towel to the floor and slowly waded into the men’s bath. Hardly anyone else was there except for maybe one or two utterly disinterested young men. He sighed and tilted his head back, trying to get the image of her out of his brain. The look on her face left him paralyzed, that absolute panic and embarrassment. All he was after an afternoon to destress, to even hopefully get her out of his head, but now here he was certain he had ruined whatever chance he had left of being with her again. The hand of fate truly was far too cruel.

               The women’s bath was silent for a solid three minutes before finally the stout, middle-aged woman spoke. “I have never in my life felt so violated!” she shouted, then proceeded to dump an entire bucket of water over her head. Her thin, graying hair adhered flatly against her skin. She seemed completely unphased by the waterfall she had loaded onto herself.

               Yugao stared at the woman a moment before turning back to Rei and Mikazuki with a slight laugh. “I wonder what the hell that was about.”

               “He must be following you” Mikazuki joked.

               “What? No! Fuck off” Rei fired back. Her face was bright red and her heart refused to slow down. She wrapped her arms across her chest, both in an act of self-consciousness and in an attempt to keep her breasts submerged.

               “I don’t know” Yugao replied lyrically. “It does seem like you two have been running into each other pretty often these days.”

               “It’s not that often” Rei muttered. “It’s only been, like, three times…”

               “In this week alone, right?” Yugao asked. Rei hated that she had a point. Through no fault of her own, her and Kakashi seemed to constantly find one another in the most random circumstances. She didn’t want to believe he was stalking her, but at this point she wondered if it was even a question. Or perhaps fate was just playing dirty tricks on her, constantly shoving him in her face for shits and giggles. The look of utter disdain on Rei’s face at least told Yugao everything she needed to know. “What is going on with you two, anyway?” she asked.

               “What do you mean?” Rei rebuked.

               “I mean are you two ever getting back together?” she asked. The question was so straightforward, it almost knocked the wind right out of Rei’s chest. “I only ask because it seems like no matter what either of you do, you always find your way back to each other. It’s honestly getting a little weird.”

               “Maybe I should consult the cards!” Mikazuki exclaimed. A rare sense of frantic excitement crossed her face as she leapt to her feet, eager to make herself useful, but Rei protested enough for her to sit back down in defeat.

               “Really, it’s nothing. I swear” Rei insisted. “Kakashi and I are just…incompatible. It’s not the right time, we’re not on the same page. It just wasn’t meant to be.” Yugao and Mikazuki blinked despondently, glancing to one another as if trying to discern whether they believed a word she said. And quite frankly, Rei didn’t even think she believed herself. The statements were fact and yet they sounded so unconvincing. As if they weren’t valid enough excuses.

               Mikazuki pursed her lips and shook her head. “I really think the cards—” she started, but Rei interrupted her.

               “I said it’s fine” she said, rather impatiently. Raking her fingers through her damp hair, she sighed and added, “Listen, I just really don’t want to talk about this right now, okay? Let’s just relax and forget this ever even happened.” Rei closed her eyes and rested her head against the edge of the bath again, trying to pretend she was weightless and invisible. In the back of her mind, however, all she could think about was how fucked up this all was. She could only keep this up for so long. Sooner or later she was going to have no choice but to confront the situation. Dive or ditch. If only she wasn’t really still in love with him.  

               The loud padding of footsteps echoed through the bath house then as the stout woman rose and made her way to the dressing room. Before she departed, however, she looked back at Rei and said, “If you don’t snag that man up quick, I’ll do it for you.” With an exasperated groan, Rei let herself fully sink beneath the water and this time, she really did want to drown.

               Rei took the long way home, circling around corners and doubling back this way and that. Anything to keep herself from making a decision. The evening air was freezing and the sky overhead had grown dreary and thick with cloud coverage. There was only one logical thing left for her to do. Only one logical thing she could manage to do. She needed to talk with him. She just needed to knock on his front door and have a valuable, civilized discussion about all of this. Maybe once she stood her ground and verbally organized her thoughts, she could finally find a sense of peace in all of this. She created a set of talking points in her mind, running down the list ten times over to ensure she woudn’t trip over her words. She could not afford to fuck this up. With hands shaking at her sides, she ascended the stairs of the apartment complex and knocked on Kakashi’s door.

               It would go so smoothly. He would answer and she would be diplomatic and upfront. The five seconds between the initial knock and the first turn of the doorknob felt endless, her heart rising in her throat. She needed to get this over with. She needed peace. She needed relief. And then there he was standing before her, his face tired and his hair sticking up in all directions. She froze, their gazes locked, and she could feel her entire body suddenly going numb. She had been so confident and determined on the way there, so sure of herself. Now she felt small and weak and terrified. Her eyes darted to every little part of him, surveying his wild hair, his eyes like black holes prepared to swallow her whole, his bare arms and the faintest outline of his abs beneath his shirt, his hand on the door frame. He looked at her expectantly and a sudden anxiety pulsed between them. She needed to speak, to say something and fast, or else the entire world was going to cave in and obliterate the both of them. Her fists clenched at her sides, her stomach tightening. Relentless fear.

               Rei opened her mouth, expecting something eloquent and direct to spill out. Instead, all she could manage was a croaked, “I need you.” And then, her body moving on its own accord, she surged forward, ripped off his mask, and pressed her lips hard against his.

               Kakashi stumbled backward, taken aback, but did not protest. Once the shock wore off, he fell into the rhythm of their kiss and for the first time in a year, it was as if he could finally, truly breathe. He tangled his fingers in her hair and kicked the door shut, their lips working ravenously together. “I was hoping you would come back. I always…hoped you would come back” he whispered whenever their lips parted enough for him to speak.

               “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” she whimpered, cupping his face in her hands. She swayed on tiptoes, struggling with their height difference, before the frustration became too much. Kakashi lifted her up in his arms, hands beneath her ass, and spun on his heels toward the bed. She wrapped her legs around his waist and drew his face nearer, desperate to feel him. Her body was starving for him, screaming after a year of deprivation.

               “I’ve missed you so much” Kakashi whispered, his breath against her neck. He nuzzled her cheek, pressed his lips against her jaw.

               “I’m so fucking stupid” Rei said, and now the tears were threatening to fall. “I never should’ve left. I never stopped loving you.”

               “I know” Kakashi replied. He cupped her cheek, wiped away a tear with his thumb. “It’s okay. I know.”

               “I was such an idiot” Rei murmured. She buried her face in his neck, gripped at his shirt. Her voice was quivering and hoarse. “I’ve felt so dead…I’ve felt…I’ve felt so…broken…”

               “You weren’t an idiot” Kakashi protested.

               “I was an idiot” Rei insisted.

               “You did what you needed to do” he replied. Every kiss was more desperate than the last, as if they were running out of time to exhibit the maximum amount of love toward one another.

               Rei shook her head, planting kisses all over his face as tears streamed down her cheeks. “What I need is you.”

               Kakashi pressed his forehead against hers and raked his fingers through her hair, effectively loosening her ponytail. “I’m right here…everything’s fine. Everything is going to be just fine.”

               “I never should’ve left” she whispered, locking eyes with him. “I never should’ve left you.”

               “You won’t have to. Never again” he whispered back, and there was a strong sense of determination in his eyes, a promise. “I’m never letting you go ever again. This is it now. You and me, from this point forward.”

               Rei sniffled and nodded, her heart soaring, before pressing her lips against his again. Their mouths worked in tandem with one another as Kakashi sunk back onto the bed, breaking the kiss only to draw her shirt up over her head. The dreary sky cast a blue-gray haze across the room as they stripped down, bodies tangled together and lungs gasping for air. Nothing else mattered but him and her; his nails digging into her thighs, her mouth nibbling on his neck, his hips swerving to get deeper inside of her. Her body electrified at the feeling of him, his rhythmic motions and warm touch. His lips grazed her jawline, whispered in her ear, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

               He held her close as he climaxed, overflowing into her, and whispering her name as if it was a prayer. She snuggled close and drank in every moment here with him: his strong arms wrapped around her, his messy hair, that familiar scent. In the pit of her chest, a warm, rising feeling began to grow and she couldn’t fight the smile itching at her lips. This was it. The beginning of the rest of her life. She refused to know a future in which he was not by her side always. Inseparable, irrevocable. The vast expanse of the rest of the universe was laid out before them, full of promise and hope. They would hold hands and greet whatever came at them with open arms, the two of them against the world, because when they were together, there was nothing too big or too catastrophic that they couldn’t face.

               Rei sniffled and turned to look out the window, a small smile touching her lips. She rested her hand on Kakashi’s forearm and whispered, “Look.” He craned his neck to follow her gaze, a gentle snowfall just beginning. “It’s the first snow of the season” she said. Kakashi nodded and kissed her freckled shoulder, then tugged the blanket up under their chins. He watched the snowfall idly as he ran his fingers across the contours of Rei’s body, tracing her hips and her collarbone and the slope of her nose. He felt as if he needed to keep touching her; as if should he detach himself for one second, she would disappear and prove this was all just a dream. But no, she was here and very real. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she nuzzled closer and drifted off to sleep and for the first time in a long while, she looked truly at peace. He brushed the hair out of her face and kissed the tip of his nose. She was finally back and all was right in the world.

[thesaltmaknae]

No Girls Allowed

Jimin x Reader 

PART ONE

Genre: ‘50s!AU, Angst, Drama, Fluff, 

Abstract: Park Jimin is a name known too well in your hometown. Infamous for his posse and multiple run-ins with the law. To others, he’s known for trouble, but to you, he’s everything you wish you could be. Can you prove to him that you deserve a place in the pack? 

Rating: R (Language, Violence, Sexual Themes, Controversy) 

Word Count: 1,313 

01 02

The feeling was all too familiar, the iron taste too well-known. 

You licked your lips with a smirk as fists continued to strike your sides, your face, any part that remained unprotected. The pain began to dull from when it first arrived as your body wearily became accustomed to the frequent beatings. You barely registered what your offenders were shouting, as you focused on the pool of blood forming at the side of your head. 

Crimson red, a color so peculiar. So rich, yet cold. The color of blood, the color of a fiery love, the color of an elegant dress worn on a Friday night, the color of an exquisite, aged-wine. Crimson red brought you comfort, it reminded you of life. It reminded you that what was currently happening, was only a setback. That is, only if you got out alive. 

“We specifically told you to stay away,” one of the offenders crouched down beside you, grabbing a fistful of your hair, “It was a simple request (Y/N), but you went ahead and disobeyed. What makes you think you can talk to whoever you want?” 

It’s not like you could help what had happened. The offenders were four girls in your history class, one of them having their boyfriend in the same class as well. By the will of God, you just happened to have the worst luck. The teachers just loved to pair you up with him, and it clearly displeased his girlfriend. These ladies never liked you in the first place, not since you would surpass them in almost everything. Whether it was sports, academics, even beauty. You always had the upper hand, and this largely contributed to their pent up anger. 

“Come on, Marina, maybe the universe is trying to tell you something. It’s just not meant to be,” you spat in her face, blood spraying against her flushed skin. Marina screamed in disgust, throwing your head back against the concrete. 

Your vision suddenly blurred, and all you could see was the gray sky above, the clouds moving ever so slowly. You felt your temples pulsing before the world went black, and all you could hear were the girls gasping in panic as they were unsure of what to do. 

...

You jolted awake as you felt your body shift around. You eyed the person below you, your head resting against his as he had you on his back. Though you couldn’t see his face, you knew right away who had found you. 

“You were watching the whole time, weren’t you?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, your throat dry and aflame. 

“You need to watch your mouth, I’m surprised you’re still alive with such an attitude.” That was the only response you got on your journey to wherever the hell this man was taking you. You scoffed at his remark,

“You’re one to talk.”

You continued to chatter about, making yourself comfortable against Park Jimin’s shoulders as he piggybacked you through the streets. You failed to notice the bystanders’ icy glares as they watched Jimin carry you home, nor did you care, it was something you both become accustomed to. 

Jimin stared straight ahead and onlookers parted as he drew nearer. Like Moses, he single handedly created his own path, pushing through the Red Sea of gawkers. Each step he took silenced private conversations, the sound of his soles letting the world know that he was there. 

You admired his confidence and unbothered persona. You admired Jimin because, unlike him, you cared about what everyone thought of you. You aimed to transcend above your peers. 

What was the reason?

Society was brutal, it had consumed the mind of your closest friend, taking her life. You wanted to honor her life by living your best life, creating your best self, and being everything she wanted to be. 

“(Y/N), are you asleep?” 

Your train of thought had come to a stop as Jimin called out to you. 

“I’m awake, or at least trying to stay that way,” you admitted. 

“Your blood stained my shirt, I hope you’re a pro at stain removal. That shouldn’t be a problem considering you’re a pro at everything.” You lifted your head off of Jimin’s shoulder, staring at the blotch of rusty red sprawled across his white t-shirt. 

“Oh geez, I’m sorry. But, you know... This wouldn’t happen if I had protection.” You smirked as you continued to rub your face against the stain, much to his displeasure. 

“And what could you possibly mean by that?” You heard the annoyance in his raspy voice, knowing full well this would be the thousandth time you have asked, 

“Let me join your poss- AAGH!” You landed flat on your butt at the foot of your door, feeling an intense wave of pain radiate from the tip of your tailbone to the rest of your upper body. “Fuck, Jimin! I get it, but seriously, why not?” 

Jimin had formed a group of friends, six other boys to be exact. Each seemed to have a purpose, an asset that contributed to the team. You knew little about each of them, for you only personally knew Jimin. You had known him since your first year of high school, when he was a third year. He took you under his wing after noticing you had a hard time making friends, he was always protective and inclusive of you. You were grateful for his presence, especially since it was difficult for you to pursue people after the loss of your dear friend. After he graduated, he had changed. Rumor has it, he and his boys organized a rally, fighting against social injustice for minorities in the district. Their methods were quite, radical. This led to them getting arrested multiple times, luckily, no one has spent the night behind bars, yet. You were proud of his cause, and you wanted to join him. But, he never felt that it suited you. 

“I’ve already told you this,” he growled, “There is no place for a girl like you to be hanging around with people like us.” He began making his way back, but not before you lunged at his side, grasping desperately at his hip. 

“What does being a girl have to do with anything? Nobody has to know, I just-” 

“Stop it. That’s enough.” Jimin kneeled beside you, cupping the side of your head. He briefly pulled his hand as he felt the wetness coming from your ear. “Shit, your ear is bleeding.” 

“It’s fine, I probably just scraped it.”

“From the inside, (Y/N), you need a hospital, you could have a concussion. Are you feeling nauseous? Dizzy? Look me in the eyes,” Jimin frantically examined your condition, “See my finger, follow it?” He panned his finger from one side of your face to the other.

“Listen, I feel fine.” You gently grasped his finger, pushing it down to his lap. “Thank you for the concern, but it would have been more helpful if you’d have jumped in.” 

“That’s why you can’t join.” Your eyes widened at his response, your blood beginning to boil. 

“What do you mean by that?” Jimin stood up first, and offered you his hand. You declined, standing on your own, but suddenly feeling weightless you clumsily fell forward. Before you could hit the ground, Jimin had grabbed your shoulder to hold you against his side, supporting you. 

“I mean that if you can’t fight the fire you started yourself, don’t start one.” You felt tears brimming your eyes as your friend scolded you, so you looked away. 

“It’s not like I fucking asked for this. It’s not my fault so many people are so insecure and so mindless.” 

“So, what does that make you? Perfect?” Jimin stretched out his neck, his head leaning against your shoulder as he peered over to see your frustrated face. 

“No, not perfect. I’m far from it. But, at least I try to be a decent human being.” Your voice broke, and you choked out the rest of your reply before you allowed the tears the stream down your bloodied cheeks. 

With a gentle sigh, Jimin turned you to face him, and he pulled you into his chest, his hand carefully cradling your head. You felt him peck the top of your head before he pulled away, ripping his blood-soaked shirt off of him in the meantime. Instinctively, you smacked your hands over your eyes to avoid staring at him, because in all honesty, it would be hard to look away. Jimin threw the shirt over your head, covering your eyes for you. His footsteps grew softer as he headed back in the direction her came.

“It better be white as snow by the time I pick it up tomorrow, get some rest.” He called out. When you removed the shirt, he had already made his way out of sight. 

[my-emotional-self]

Let Me Protect You Part 2 Chapter 13 (Chris Evans x OFC)

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Words: 1.3k+

Warnings: Swearing, Angst

Trigger Warnings: Suicide Attempt

The flight home was quick as you easily spaced out the entire time.  While Chris kept texting you, letting you know that you really did not have to leave, you still felt it was a mistake to show up.  He had asked you repeatedly if you wanted to come in the months prior, but you kept saying no.  You wanted it to be his ‘boys’ trip, and to be able to hang out with his friends. But in the end, yet again, you had ruined things just like you always did.  

Getting back home was a nightmare; the traffic in Los Angeles that afternoon had been hell.  When you finally made it home, you collapsed on the bed and passed out.  

~~~

You had managed to sleep the whole night through, straight into Sunday morning.  You noticed the light blinking on your phone as you quickly got up, opening it.  

Chris: Did you make it home alright?

Chris: Hello?

Chris: Emilia why aren’t you answering your phone.

Chris: Pick up babe

There were many more texts and a dozen missed phone calls.  Your head bowed as you dialed Chris’ number.  

“Emilia what the fuck! I have been worried all fucking night about you.  Why didn’t you answer my calls or texts?  I thought something was seriously wrong with you!” Chris barked as soon as he picked up the phone call.  

“I’m sorry” you apologized quietly; feeling like a failure in this relationship.  

Chris let out a harsh sigh. “You’re sorry?  That’s all you have to say is you’re sorry?”

Tears started to form in your eyes, shaking your head even though Chris couldn’t see you.  “I am sorry” you croaked out, not knowing what else to say.  

“Yeah well….fuck” Chris said dejectedly.  “I’m coming home tonight.  I changed my flight.  I’ll see you later Em.”  He hung up the phone, without a goodbye, without an I love you.  You threw your phone on the bed as you let out a hectic scream; your vocal chords vibrating in your throat as your face pulsated.  You had really done it, he was going to come home and break up with you.  For, you don’t even know how many times, had ruined another relationship.  Nothing could go well in your life because you were such a fuck up.  

Your mind became numb as you sat on the bed; everything tuning out around you as you stared at the wall.  You were going to be alone after this, after Chris broke up with you.  This was the end you kept telling yourself.  

The front door opened and shut jolting you in surprise.  Furrowing your brows, you looked out the window and realized it was dark.  You had sat there, in bed, staring at the wall and feeling sorry for yourself for the past day.  

Chris’ footsteps bounding up the stairs as you hung your head low.  You wiped a stray tear that had fallen on your cheek as you prepared for the worst.  The bedroom door opened and you didn’t move, not wanting to look him in the face.  

Chris stayed in the doorway and you could feel his eyes on you.  He stood there for a good minute or two before walking towards you and sitting on the bed.  “Hey Ems” he said quietly, his voice breaking your heart as you sniffled back your now falling tears.  

“Hi” you croaked out; your throat dry from not eating or drinking anything since yesterday.  

Chris let out a sigh, sounding defeated as you felt his gaze on you.  You still couldn’t bare it to look at him, to look at those blue eyes that you had so helplessly fallen in love with.  

“I’m worried about you” his voice wavering as he spoke.  You felt his emotions through his voice, and you knew he was being serious.  Hell, you were worried about yourself too; things had never gone this south with you before.  You nodded your head at his words; unsure of how to answer him.   “You need to get this under control Emilia.”

His words were like a slap to your face.  You turned your head to face him, your eyebrows scrunching up as your mouth hung open. “Really Chris?  Are you fucking kidding me right now!?” you howled out in anger.  “You don’t think I don’t fucking know that by now?  I’ve had to live with myself.  I KNOW how fucked up I am.  God! You act like I haven’t even tried to get better!”

By now you were way past angry, you were irate as you got up from the bed and paced around.  “I can’t believe you said that Chris!  ‘You need to get this under control.’  Yeah, no fucking shit Chris.  What do you expect me to do?  I’ve tried everything!  What, do you want me to sit around like a goddamn zombie forever?  Feel nothing at all?  No love, or peace?” your hands were raising in the air as you paced the bedroom back and forth.  

“Emilia calm down” Chris urged as he got up from his spot on the bed to face you.  You stopped your pacing as you stood and stared at him, slack jaw.

“Calm down?  CALM DOWN?  Maybe I’ll calm down if you stop saying such stupid shit!  You’re just making things worse!” you yelled back.

“I’M making things worse? You have got to be kidding me!  Do you not see the way you are acting right now?”

“If I’m so horrible then why don’t you just break up with me already!?” you fought back, regretting instantly what you had said.  

“Yeah?  Maybe I should!” he growled back.  Just then, his phone started ringing.  He took it out of his pocket before turning back to you. “I have to take this” he declared before walking out of the bedroom and slamming the door shut.  

~~~

“Hey Eric” Chris said as he answered his phone.  

“Hey man.  Look, I got an earlier flight out and I’m on my way to your place right now.  I got worried after you called me again last night so I decided if you were getting back home today then I would come out as soon as possible.”

Chris sighed in relief, knowing someone was here to help him.  “Good.  That’s good because things just took a turn for the worst.”

“Just hang in there. I should be there in about fifteen minutes or so.”

“Alright bud.  I’ll see you in a few” Chris said before hanging up the phone.  

~~~

As Chris slammed the bedroom door shut, you lost all sense of anything.  With your head hung low, you shuffled into the bathroom, locking the door behind you.  Opening the medicine cabinet, you grabbed all your pill bottles before filing up a glass of water.  

Taking the glass of water and your pill bottles, you sunk to the floor.  You were sick of feeling this way; sick of hurting people; sick of hurting Chris.  You just wanted it to end.  As tears streamed down your face like waterfalls, you opened each bottle and poured all the remaining tablets into your hand.  

A knock on the bathroom door didn’t even faze you as you stared at the tablets.  

“Emilia” Chris knocked again, but you ignored him.  “Emilia open the door!”

Opening your mouth wide, you emptied the tablets into your mouth as you chugged the glass of water. It took a few gulps before you finally managed to get everything down.  Once you did, you felt a sense of calmness fall around you.  Leaning your head against the wall, you smiled a genuine smile; happy to be done with your life of misery.

“Emilia, open the damn door!” the faint sound of Chris’ voice rang quietly in your ears.  Your body was starting to feel weightless, your mind fuzzy as you sat on the warm floor of the bathroom.  

“Goodbye Chris” you whispered; your blurry vision seeing the door to the bathroom burst open right before you faded to black.

Tag List: @iamwarrenspeace @ssweet-empowerment @princess-evans-addict @patzammit @tacohead13 @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @littlemissacorn @miss-cap21 @missfirstavenger @thedoctorscamanion @captainamerica-ce @pumbibaby @remember-that-one-blog @wildestdreamsrps @kanupps06 @zohoffman @-fuck-you-world- @geeksareunique @libbitinasdeath

[poorjamesbond]

The Fallen

Maybe you don't see it yet, and maybe you won't.

But I'm watching you wonder your way to the ground.

And when I watched you bend in a way that I did not expect, searching your fridge for another chance, something in you led me to retrace my steps.

Here in the corner, I don't feel the fear I once felt without the edge of your voice, so sharp it could split a hair from the valley of my chest, so clean I never once considered the need for a local anesthetic, all of which drove me to understand the bleach-white bones that built your shelves long before I emerged from wherever I've been.

Maybe you know it, and maybe you don't, but I heard your footsteps navigating the desert floor in the dead of night some twenty years ago.

I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I sat there and smoked.

So carefully, you watched me for any sign of life, any sign that I might turn my back, any word that wasn't written in a cypher of the zodiac.  

As my fingertips flirted with the edge of my glass, you sipped your drink and calmly asked:

Why do you do it?

I said something about a slow suicide, or the process of inching toward death being the only option left to hold my eyes in place.

Something about my inability to continue on without a goal at hand, and what better goal could I possibly have than the one we are taught to avoid?

I felt you there without having to look, like sterile sunlight on the back of my neck, or the silent sound of wings at work.

I watched you watching me for the best of my discernible worst.

I was a cactus dying of nursery thirst when you bent yourself into a question mark, admiring my thorns with your fingertips, unafraid of the point I posed again.  

Quivering in the sand like flakes of gold were the remnants of my intentions, drawn and quartered on the riverbank, far too heavy in the moment for an honorable mention, while remaining too buoyant to sink.  

It wasn't until I saw them lined up like ducks in a row that I knew I could trust all your knives to my throat.

And I would for the chance of a lifetime passed, though chance is nowhere to place your trust.

It just kind of happens.

That, or it doesn't.

The most difficult thing about finding the fallen, is thinking twice before trying to catch them.

Weightlessness is a finite state, and reaching out is a famous mistake.

You remind me how the corners of others catch the corners of us...

The importance of nailing the windows shut, while still keeping the hammer at hand.

As I watched you throw all your weapons aside, I saw crimson   on porcelain, but none on the knives.

[roxy-davenport]

Don’t Fear the Reaper

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,765 (With lyrics to both songs)

A/N: I have written one other angst story. Angst is not a headspace I like to go to, to read or write. But sometimes life calls for a little angst. I hope you guys like it. Major character death, you know whose right off the bat. ANGST, depression, suicidal thoughts, reckless behavior, guilt. It’ll pull on your heartstrings. The rest of the stories I have planned for January and February are all smut and fluff. This was written for @too-much-winchester Kat’s Playlist Challenge with the song, (Don’t Fear) The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult. This was also written for @mamaredd123 and @atc74 Mama and Angelina’s Fabulous 300 Challenge with the prompts, character death, the emotion broken and the song, “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas. This was also written for @nichelle-my-belle Nichelle’s 4K Challenge with the prompt, “Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture.”

Also On AO3 

All our times have come

Here but now they're gone

Seasons don't fear the reaper

Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain, we can be like they are

 Come on baby, don't fear the reaper

Baby take my hand, don't fear the reaper

We'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper

Baby I'm your man.

 Blood so much blood. You were injured, too injured to survive. You tried to stop the blood but it just kept coming. You crouched down behind a tree slowing your breaths and trying to be as quite as possible. You held your weapon high waiting for the monster to find you. If you were going to die you sure as hell were going to take him with you. You heard loud footsteps coming your way. You saw a shadow appearing in front of you and you acted in a manner of seconds. The werewolf was dead. But then again so were you. You looked up at the moon. You closed your eyes feeling the cold air against your skin. You would miss this the most, just being in the world and looking up at the night sky. Your feet got heavy, your eyes were closing, too tired to stay awake. You had lost far too much blood. You slowly collapsed on the floor your eyes closing slowly. You whispered the one name that meant something to you, “Dean.”

 Valentine is done

Here but now they're gone

Romeo and Juliet

Are together in eternity, Romeo and Juliet

40, 000 men and women everyday, Like Romeo and Juliet

40, 000 men and women everyday, Redefine happiness

Another 40, 000 coming everyday, We can be like they are.

 When you woke up you felt weightless. Looking down you saw your body down on the ground. You were hovering over it. You felt a strong presence in front of you, your eyes scanning the tall figure in front of you. The tall figure with green eyes. The very same shade of green Dean Winchester had.

 “Dean?” You whispered softly

 “Y/N?” Dean growled.

 Come on baby, don't fear the reaper

Baby take my hand, don't fear the reaper

We'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper

Baby I'm your man.

 Before you could get your bearings you found yourself on a bench in a park. You looked around at your surroundings.

 Love of two is one

Here but now they're gone

Came the last night of sadness

And it was clear she couldn't go on

 “They can’t see you,” Dean said in a strangely detached voice. He wasn’t looking at you.”

 “Dean?” No response. “Dean, please look at me.”

 Dean slowly turned his face towards you, his eyes watery. A few tears streaking down his cheek. You looked at him slowly, your hand wiping the tears away. Dean took your hand and kissed it.

 After a bit of silence spent with the two of you gazing into each other’s eyes, you spoke softly to him. “You’re a reaper now?”

 “Death thought I needed to learn a lesson. It seems me and Sammy keep on ruining the grand design. I am supposed to learn how important and difficult this job can be and stop messing with what should happen.”

 “And he asks you to reap me?”

 “Basically.”

 “Wow…that douche.”

 Dean laughs a mirthless laugh.

 “Why were you hunting?” it came out like an accusation. Dean was angry and hurt but he meant to ask you the question with a lot less tone.

 You knew Dean would be mad and want an explanation. His tone was sadly what you expected. “Straight to the tough questions. OK. Dean let me say my piece. I know you; you interject and make huffs, sighs and grunts. No comments until I’ve said what I have to say.”

 Dean grumbles and huffs. You hold up your hands as if to say “told you so.” He rolls his eyes and nods for you to proceed.

 “Before you met me, I was a waitress in a Podunk town. You were a pretty face. We hooked up because … well, why wouldn’t we. Who could resist you? It was fun and easy but I guess you liked me and stayed too long, long enough for the monsters and demons that were on your ass to come find me. Then you had to protect me. I had questions like any sane person would and so you let me in. You could have made the choice then to let me go, to just leave me with question, but you didn’t. You literally dragged me along with you to the Bunker. I was kicking and screaming the whole way, wanting the safety of my old life. In the beginning, I fit in like a sore thumb, always edgy and scared. I desperately wanted to be ignorant again but it doesn’t work that way. You can’t un-know things. Ironically that was the best decision of my life.”

 You held up your hand when he started to grumble and open his mouth to say something.

 “I really got into it. I enjoyed hunting and that’s when you left. You left me, mind you with a note, but no chance to talk to you, to explain. I get you don’t do emotions and its easier to just shut out everything and keep moving. I was getting too close to your heart and too good at hunting. You said you wanted me safe. You were giving me an out. What you didn’t realize was that I love you and there was no way out. I never wanted one.”

 “So this is my fault?”

 “Wow, you are impressive. Not everything is about you. I know Winchesters have a great destiny but guess what? The world still turns when you don’t make a decision. This is no one’s fault. I am…was … a hunter. That was my choice. Had you stayed would we have worked it out and been together? Isn’t Death like the movie Final Destination? If you saved me from hunting alone then I would have died some other way and maybe we couldn’t be having this moment now. I’m not god, Dean. Death doesn’t give you clarity. It’s just death. I know you blame yourself for everything that happens. But don’t you dare blame my death on you. We just had bad timing and lousy luck.”

 Dean rubbed his face with his hand sighing deeply.

 “Why were you alone?”

 “It was supposed to be one werewolf not a couple! I got my intel wrong. Funny, really. I watched the house for a week and never saw the girlfriend ever even once. Everyone in town thought he was alone. Maybe it was fate?”

 “You thought there was one? How could you be so stupid? This is why I didn’t want you hunting?”

 “Wow, Dean. Just wow. We’re spending our last moments arguing? Damn it Dean! I didn’t want to die. I didn’t have a death wish. I just messed up. People mess up and that’s how hunters die. Spare me the righteous indignation. How many times have you died from a mess up? Or killed a friend because of it? Actually that’s sexist of you, Dean. You can fuck up but I can’t? Have to protect the weaker sex from hunting?”

 “Typical of us always fighting.”

 “You’re the pig-headed one, Dean.”

 Dean looked down at the ground.

 “Why did it have to be you? I love you.”

 “Who would you rather have it be? I love you, too, Dean.”

 Dean slowly looked up at you and saw you glow slightly. His eyes widened. He had reaped three other souls before you and none of them had glowed.

 “You’re glowing?”

 “So are you. Think that means we’re soul mates.”

 “I thought death didn’t give you insight.”

 “Damn it, Dean, stop fighting.”

 “No. No. I can’t. You’re my soul mate and you’re dead?” Why! How! How is that fair?”

 Dean stood up pacing the park. Your heart went out to him. As a ghost, emotions weren’t as strong. You hated seeing Dean like this and you knew that your job now was to comfort him before you moved on.

 “I’ll never be happy again. I mean, not really. Any other woman I try and build a life with won’t be “the one.” “The one” is dead. That’s it for my happiness. When I left you I was destroyed. Nothing felt the same. I was suicidal. Seriously. I would go half-cocked into hunts hoping to die to ease the pain but in my darkest hour I had hope. I had hope that you got out and had kids, had a happy life. You would have made a great mother. Damn it, why didn’t you get out?”

 “How could I go back to a normal life when I had the chance to save people? How could I be selfish like that, Dean? How could I place my happiness above someone else’s? On this hunt, I saved a little girl and her family. I died for a family, Dean. If I wasn’t there, they would be dead. I know you’re hurting and alone and I am sorry but I couldn’t stop. Had you been there or not, fate is fate. Please don’t be mad.”

 Dean closed his eyes as tears flowed freely down his face.

 “How can I go on?”

 “I don’t want to see you like this. You’re upset, broke, already dead. Please listen to me. I love you. I can’t erase what happened but I can ask that my death mean something. Life is short, Dean especially for hunters. Find someone to be with. Have the family I can never have, have kids. Promise me.”

 “No one else will compare-.”

 “It isn’t a contest Dean. We’re soul mates always will be. But you deserve to be happy. You are surrounded by so much death and pain. Please don’t let my death be added to all of that. You carry around so much pain and guilt. My death is on me not you. Find a way to be happy.”

 You held Dean in your arms as you both cried for all the missed time.

 “I shouldn’t have left.”

 “You’re here now. Dean I have to go. You know I have to go. Take me to heaven.”

 Dean felt like he was kicked in the gut. Not only had he watched you die helpless to save you but now he had to leave you. He didn’t want you to be a vengeful ghost. He knew he couldn’t keep you here but he had hoped you’d at least want to stay. You were being Zen about the whole thing while he was trying desperately not to scream and smash everything in sight. Dean closed his eyes trying to calm himself. You took his hand as he led you to a tunnel with light on the other side. Behind you was a dark shadow getting farther and farther away. Screams and shouts came from what you figured was hell. Dean walked with you through the light. It wasn’t blinding it was warm and comforting. It lit every facet of the world around you, no dark places, no sadness.

 Then the door was open and the wind appeared

The candles blew then disappeared

The curtains flew then he appeared, saying don't be afraid

 You burst into tears when you saw your heaven. This was one of the happiest moments of your life. You were with Dean on your favorite day. This was one of the few days he gave up hunting for the week and for a little while everything was perfect; you were a happy couple with not a care in the world. You wished every day was like these few days. Dean looked over and saw your face. He wanted to be happy for you that you were safe with a version of himself, but he couldn’t be.

 ‘Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture.”

 “I am safe with the man I truly love. With you in a perfect memory. I am at peace. Dean please find a way to be at peace, too … for me.”

 You wanted to stay and comfort him but the Dean of your heaven was calling. And it wasn’t your job anymore to take care of him. So you moved away from Dean and ran into the memories of your past, happy in heaven.

 Come on baby, and she had no fear

And she ran to him, then they started to fly

They looked backward and said goodbye, she had become like they are

She had taken his hand, she had become like they are

Come on baby, don't fear the reaper.

 Dean ran out not remembering much else. He had a conversation with Death but he was going through the motions. He got black out drunk, lost chunks of time, forgot things constantly, and wasn’t paying attention to anything anyone said. He kept going on hunts, recklessly hoping he would die and see you again but every time he came out alive. He was consumed with sadness and nothing could help him. Sam tried to bring him out of his depression but any mention of you would get him so angry. On one occasion Sam had mentioned your name in passing and Dean broke the dining room table in the Bunker and had his brother by the throat, a furious rage in his eyes. Dean was hardly at the Bunker anymore deciding to hang out at the bar instead. He destroyed a table because someone tried to cut him off at the bar. Nothing meant anything anymore. Everything lost its reason. Dean stopped eating and just wanted to die. He would sit in Baby and listen to “Dust in the Wind” over and over again.

 The only thing that brought him out was the fact that he was hurting his little brother. They went on a hunt, Sam thinking that Dean would heal by hunting. It always worked for them in the past. But this was too big a wound to heal that quickly or over a hunt. His little brother got hurt because Dean was reckless. Attacking Sam and then getting him really hurt was not okay. Dean needed to stop but he couldn’t. He was addicted to danger and pain because he felt he needed to be punished for what happened to you. He knew it was reckless but he got in Baby playing Dust in the Wind, signing along like he always did since your death. He had memorized all the words though this time he felt content because this time he had a plan.

 I close my eyes, only for a moment

And the moment's gone

All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity

 “Preach it Kansas. Nothing fucking matters that’s right.”

 Dust in the wind

All they are is dust in the wind

 Same old song, just a drop of water

In an endless sea

All we do crumbles to the ground

Though we refuse to see

 Tears came streaming down his face. How correct these lyrics were. All we do crumbles. Dean practically howled the next verse.

 Dust in the wind

All we are is dust in the wind

 Oh, ho, ho

 Now, don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy

 Dust in the wind

All we are is dust in the wind [x2]

 Dean said these verses almost as a whisper.

 Dust in the wind

Everything is dust in the wind [x2]

The wind

 When the song was finished his eyes burned with an intensity he never had before. He had an iron will now, he had to be strong enough to do what needed to be done to see you again.  

 He stood in the middle of a crossroads when a red-eyed demon appeared before him. His eyes were red from crying, his hair disheveled, his clothes dirty from the latest hunt, his jeans ripped and his hands were shaking. Dean looked like a mess. The demon smirked at the famous Winchester’s appearance.

 “I want to make a deal.”

 “Go on, Winchester.”

 Dean gulped. He closed his eyes fighting the voice that was telling him to leave now. He couldn’t leave.

 “I need you to bring Y/N back.”

 The demon’s lips curled into a smile. “I believe she’s happy in Heaven.”

 “10 years for her life.”

 The demon circled him eying Dean carefully.

 “What humans do for love, aye? OK Winchester we have ourselves a deal.”

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