#but i dont think it'll be super
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a man stands hunched over his bathroom sink, staring through hot tears at his gaunt reflection. His tears flow freely over his cheeks, flushed from misery and the bitter battle to overcome said misery. He takes a shaky breath, and whispers,
“I will be alright. I am going to be fine again. I swear, I will one day feel whole once more.”
He, of course, is referring to the most humiliatingly painful and smelliest shit that he’d just taken after a long night of food that was way too spicy and drinks far to heavy.
He made his choice. Now he must pay the price.
#this came to me in a fever dream#i thought it. and the words poured out of me#i.... dont know what kind of day im gonna have after this one#but i dont think it'll be super#ethanspeaks#unfortunately#my heart goes out to all who have experienced this torture#be it having been in this situation or just being unlucky enough to stumble across this#sibling dearest if you read this remember. tumblr is nota reflection of who i am#i swear
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EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND READ THIS.
THE CURRENT VOTE COUNT IS NOT THE FINAL RESULT.
IT WILL TAKE SEVERAL DAYS TO COUNT ALL OF THE VOTES AND DETERMINE WHO WINS THE ELECTION (POSSIBLY MORE IF A RECOUNT IS NECESSARY).
IT IS VERY LIKELY THAT THE FINAL RESULTS WILL NOT LOOK LIKE THE INITIAL RESULTS.
STOP DOOMPOSTING AND LEARN HOW THIS SHIT WORKS.
#scary crane rambles#not fandom#let's get serious#us politics#american politics#us election#election night#election 2024#2024 election#kamala harris#donald trump#2024 presidential election#2024 presidential race#voting#us election 2024#it's also highly likely that trump is cheating to make it look like he's won#i've heard from several sources that he prevented certain journalists from accessing election data#most of which were left-leaning or liberal#and i dont think i've ever seen states being called so quickly in any other election#tldr i think trump tried to rush things and is desperately hoping that no one actually bothers to count the votes now#because if they do then it'll be super obvious that he tried to interfere
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I start drawing a mermaid and am suddenly transported back to being 9 years old
#ramblings#i was super into mermaids as a kid but i dont think any of those drawings are still around#but anyways I had an idea for Mermay which I missed but it'll still work for Pride Month so fuck it we ball
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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We need to start treating bad writing like bad art and im not kidding
#now theres a lot more nuance to this#because “bad writing” is SUPER general#so i have to add a disclaimer#i dont mean propoganda. i dont mean biased and biggoted#i mean writing decisions u dont like!#ppl are very quick to just sit there and shit on writers#its okay to not like an ending. its okay to not like how a character was treated#and its okay to be mad about it if u like them very dearly#but at the same time sometimes we're a little too mean.#and sometimes they deserve it#but sometimes it's a little mean#this is. in truth. because of the lumine ending#on webtoon#its pissing me off how ppl are getting super upset and being rude to kabu#even tho so many ppl are explaining its because she grew out of the story. she didnt have passion for it anymore#she gave us an ending! you dont have to like it but stop acting like just because she COULD write more that she HAS to write more#art is tiring. sometimes you lose passion for it. sometimes you dont do it perfectly#sometimes your idea of good isnt the same as someone else's#i dont like romance for example. several tropes will turn me off it#but some ppl do#sometimes you make a pretty shitty plot or make plot holes#and yeah those arent super great to read!!! but a story is an art. its all different#its not all good and its not all bad#its made from a persons head therefore it'll reflect a person in a way#i just think its important to remember that writers are not machines#artists and writers aren't actually as different as everyone treats them#we're all making art. we're all making mistakes. i just think we should be a little nicer about it#its okay to criticize. but can we be nice about it#also i dont like the “professional author” argument#picasso was a famous artist his paintings are in meuseums and there's still people who don't like his art. i dont think its fair to go
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do you guys think that if I started to singlehandedly drag the Bone (1991) fandom back from the brink of vanishing off the face of the Earth Netflix will un-cancel the animated series ...? everybody get their dad on here*
#only thing is I dont think it'll get super popular on here since most of the relationships its focuses on are familial or platonic.#like there is practically zero slash potential in those books how am I supposed to get Tumblr interested 😐#*my dad loves Bone so like I'm assuming its a big dad comic
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do you think there's ever going to be an official botw manga?
if there is i NEED them to hire me to make it
#i am currently getting a sequential art degree. nintendo PLEASE#anyway i dont think botw lends itself to the formula that himekawa tends to use for their loz mangas tbh#i think it could be done. and i would kill to do it. and people would SCRAMBLE to buy it#like i know EXACTLY how i would write a botw manga. down to the letter.#so it's definitely possible. but i dont think it'll be the same type of manga that himekawa usually does#i think they might benefit from getting a new mangaka for it tbh but himekawa is super recognizeable among fans at this point so idk#asks
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have just been introduced to a kitten named rascal who lives on my floor and whose babysitters (who are not his owner?) were trying Really hard to goad me into adopting which like. he's a little baby and he's so so so silly and he barely even bit me but like also. this cat isn't yours???? anyway if the owner's giving him up then I might finally have a cat which like AHHHHHG
#i wanna cat SO BADD#but also i dont think this is the best environment to have ANY non-tank pet tbqh#and i dont wanna have to give him away if my housing situation changes bc my parents house wouldnt work#(one of our dogs has a pretty strong prey drive and i dont wanna risk it)#also the poor guy seems a bit skittish and i think the 2 big dogs would scare him#and then there's the 'is he my cat or your cat' thing w my roommate#i think the answer would be hes my cat bc shes more ambivalent but she can actually take him home so like#and ive pretty much been banking on going home after college anyway so like??? in the long term where would he go???#but also my dogs are getting older.. maybe by then they'll be gone and that problem'll go away#but hell my room there's bigger than my dorm room so even if we kept him in there it'd be a better space than here#it'd be a step up#ugh idk. i think it's a bad idea to have a cat in rooms this small in general. but i don't wanna see him go to a shelter either#like he's young and cute so maybe it'll be easier for him but he's also not super cuddly with strangers as far as i can tell#idk... im worried about him.... poor little rascal#like one of the girls mentioned being mean to him and i dont want him to be mistreated#like shining lights in his face and stuff#idk... sigh......#im considering transferring schools at some point. worst case scenario is i go somewhere they dont allow pets and i have to#either find a foster parent or give him away completely#but i really dont wanna have to do that if i can help it. i never want to put a pet that loves and depends on me in a situation like that#much less me like id bawl my ass off#but if theyre treating him bad then even if my situation isnt perfect wouldnt taking him in be in the right anyway?#but how long does that stand for? until i can find him a better home? ughh
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babe you gotta do something abt the big wet kitten eyes. youre aiming for menacing with the words i get that but it just doesnt quite have the effect youre going for with the big wet kitten eyes
#call the whole thing off and go get drunk in her tardis together cmon we can salvage this#heres my proposal: send those daleks back to where they came from. cybermen too yeah you desecrated the corpses of authority we get it#it had emotional resonance but now we're done with them#then you get yaz here. dont need to do much for that just do the dancing a little bit longer and she'll be there right on time#you put the doctor in the tardis. no need to get her out of that dalek#it's sorta tradition at this point anyway just keep her in there for funsies she'll hate it it'll be great#send yaz to her room under threat of murdering. i mean you dont Have to do that but i think youre gonna so. just getting ahead of it#find the doctor's ginger stash while she yells at you and gets herself Out of the dalek#get super fucking wasted#beat each other up so bad yaz can barely tell whos who in the morning#cry. ask about tecteun. have sex abt it. any order#whoever wakes up first is responsible for breakfast#this is totally still fixable trust me you can fix this#(<- in denial)
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date back on for sunday now. His friend is okay. thank god. And uhhh, yea now we're finally be fr about the "hey we met on a dating, lets be so fr about what our experience has been" uncharted territory besties. we're not at "so what are you looking for?" but i already essentially told him my approach is to just really try getting to know ppl i find interesting and letting a spark develop from there w/o pressure. kinda like in school where you consistently see people in casual settings. and he thought it was a good plan so uh. here we are.
#basically he's had no luck and only like 2 matches (excluding me i believe) and all those people just never responded to him#which must be so funny bc now theres like. me. where i have seen his id. know his govt name. address. dob. and vitals. like. crazy.#and he's seen mine too ofc. equality. and uh. sounds like he's never dated. never had any bug feelings for anyone despite wanting to fall i#love so bad. which is... interesting. i feel like he has liked ppl and not recognized that it's a crush. nit just wanting to be friends but#imma hold off on sharing that until further developments.#i basically told him that I've had a very different experience. not to like brag but like most women will have better luck on apps (also hi#profile kinda sucks. all 4 photos look like a different person. his like actual answers to prompts aren't bad. they're good. thats what mad#me think 'oh i think i could rlly get along w/ this dude' but he'd attract a very niche type of woman)#which i also. didn't fully say. bc time and place. it'll come up but not right now. but yea so i told him that like. ive gotten many matche#but a lotttt of it is super low quality. lot of wasted time. so like. yea. we all have a bad time on dating apps till someone sticks and we#dont. we basically have both admitted to having idealized people in the past and getting the ick irl. and yea. building some good common#ground. ive always wanted to ask to ppl ive gone out w/ what their experience looks like but i feel like thats not smth to talk abt till#later on and I've never wanted anything past a 2nd date before so. yea.#although my first date did tell me but she was poly and like much more open to talking abt that than most monogamous ppl would be
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... you know. You'd think the doctors would like... consider if people have other health conditions. Or at least ask.
Because the number of times I get prescribed a medicine that will lower my blood pressure as a possible side effect where I only find out after I read the information packet is so very high.
Also this one can trigger hypo/mania in a "it's listed as a side effect like four different places you dont even have to be bipolar" and that was also something that was not mentioned until I looked at the packet.
Like I know obviously at this point I should know to ask because it happens like every damn time but also I feel like when I've mentioned having problems with low blood pressure at the appointment I shouldn't have to ask if it'll lower blood pressure. And that "this might make you more energetic than usual" would be a good thing to mention since it's meant to do the opposite. And at that point I could have clued in to ah this will trigger the hypomania fyi I have bipolar you may want to pick a different med for me.
#like i get that like my not being on meds for the bipolar is not the standard bit#and that since i dont have those on my med list the dr probably assumed i didnt have anything mental health wise#but uh that's a terrible assumption to make#i have a coupel weeks before the procedure so i have time to think about asking about alternatives#but also they'll probably all do that since like you get psych meds and they just kind of whackamole shit#maybe since its just a one off dose itll be fine#or it'll do thst thing where having my blood pressure drop super low leaves my body fucking exhausted and brain so foggy#that it like cancels out the hyponess#and it'll just be fine
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i made a longer more irritating post about this that i deleted but ive been getting intensely sleepy between 6 and ~10pm lately so i decided to try actually going to bed around 8:30, since 🌸 is out of town and i'm often up until 2 bc im staying kind of synced to their schedule and am usually very sleepy
entirely predictably the result of this was that i fell asleep instantly, woke up at like midnight, and now it's 3:20 and i am simply not going back to sleep
#also i had a super involved nightmare about being physically assaulted by a bunch of knife-wielding paleontology undergrads#implied to have been whipped into a shared 'dinosaur delusion' by a different imaginary person who hated me for interpersonal reasons#in the dream i never actually learned what their beliefs were or why it implied they should attack me and this is now very frustrating#paleontologists aren't even one of the academic fields i have a really obvious victim complex about!#box opener#this sux. i dont really want to eat anything bc i think it'll kind of fuck me up even more sleepwise#but instead im just. lying in the dark. online#no idea if going to sleep soon and waking up at work time will be read out like i got [~4.5+3.5] h of sleep or. just that first one
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🌀 for the ask game? love your fics!
[Qs] // hi!! thank you friend 😊
[cn pre-coming out trans character]
🌀Post the fic summary for a fic you haven't written/published yet. It can be hypothetical or something you really plan on releasing...
i'm working on a new trans wylan fic and will leave this summary without comment bc i think it's more interesting that way 👀👀
It is early summer, and Winifred Martine Marya Van Eck cuts her hair.
The summer swells, and Winnie Van Eck learns some things. She learns that she likes how she looks with short hair, likes it when her boyfriend calls her good, and maybe - maybe - likes the thought of being someone new.
#im actually very excited for this fic but i dont think it'll do super well#although we live in hope!#asks#anon#trans egg wylan
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going to be spending the day with my mom for the first time in a long while. she wants to get me new shoes and is bringing over a whole box of stuff from Costco that she got me and my husband.
even though I'm on the cusp of 30, she still likes to be a mom, and I'm forever grateful for it. might not have any of the rest of my family after I was disowned but I've got my mom and my little brother and that's all I could ever ask for
#[static]#i didnt tell her about how stressful last week was but she called at random this weekend to talk about my brother with me#and then she mentioned she was going to costco and wanted to pick me up some stuff which ... she's learned at this point to not ask#because i Will say 'no' or 'dont worry about it' or 'im fine!' and as she was telling me for the tenth time ... it's something that brings#- her joy. to provide things for her kids when she's able to so that they can breathe a little easier knowing there's food in the pantry#and she's been begging me to let her buy me shoes for like ... 2 years but i keep saying no fkjghd i definitely need them but -#- help makes me want to crawl into my skin and die#but my combat boots are toast and theyve definitely Not been helping my knee situation#like our relationship was super complicated during the first couple of decades of my life but we've been working it out now as adults#anyways i think it'll be a fun day! she wants to stop by a local farm to look around and we always have fun just hanging out
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🌷
#i cant believe i could've almost been his girlfriend!!!!#im sad that he never asked me and never waited ....#because i know me and im dependable and devoted#i go all in if i love#but instead he .. fell in love fast and quick and i get it. i get why he fell for her i really do so i dont blame him#but... they only lasted a month then they broke up#she left. and i get that she and i are different people#but i cannot fathom how you can have HIM and leave him#i cant even imagine my life without him. he is genuinely all i think about#and she left.... !!!!! i cant understand that (from my pov. she is her own person i know)#i just wish he'd stuck it out and given me a chance (bc he did feel those things for me he said that)#i know the heart want what it wants but oh how i wish#i would've been with him until now. i would've never have left him#i wish i wish he didnt do that bc now he's even more heartbroken and i know it'll just be harder for me to maybe prove myself to him#(btw this sounds super selfish but this is only me venting my feelings!!!)#im still here for him. i've never left. i've been so so patient. isnt that worth anything?#most of the time it feels like he doesnt even appreciate me :( at all#i just cannot believe that HE once upon a time wanted ME to be his gf#if things just had gone a bit differently i would've been so lucky to call myself his#and him mine... that's so crazy to me#that's my dream...#i dont wanna give up on him bc i love him sm i cant imagine any other way my life can go#but.... i cant push if he isnt even replying... i cant bother him too much#then im just crazy#and my anxities arent even letting me message him at all#bc even if i asked if it's ok and he said im not bothering him#im convinced i am. i mean it really seems and feels like i am doing that#so i just cannot even message him..... which makes my life so empty i wanna cry#sometimes i wish i'd never met him bc my love for him has ruined my life now that i cant have him
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i legally cant look at the last supper pic lest i fall back into my religion fixation (context...you dont need context but its A Lot lemme just say that) HOWEVER. i think its very cute that they made the picture in the first place and the choices for which character is which person (like adachi being andrew whomst was the first apostle and aw he was ichis first feller cute) are really good like they were kinda smartsies with that even with the different versions they have goin on swapping some of them they still like fit agh whatever i just think the pic is cutesy thats all i wanted to say cause everyone else was talkin about it (⌒_⌒;)
i think its fair to take time to appreciate the placements of everyone; i am an appreciator of when things like this are done so its neat to see how things sync :]
#snap chats#IT IS CUTE im not trying to dismiss the pic i just dont wanna take it too seriously or hyper analyze it#i mean i'll analyze it LMAO but i dont wanna treat it as tho it'll tell us anything super important bout lad8#again it's a very cute pic.. i love it.. im always an enjoyer for beach episodes...#i do think its cute that adachi syncs with that.. i always love adachi and how he was ichis first bud
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