#but i decided to post it anyway

[namelessexistence]

My boy, The Voice of The Broken

[zer0-devoox]

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧

The most beautiful angel of chaos 𓆩𓆪

[systemwritingpieces]

Dormant

Dormancy is one of those things.

It’s just a part of a system’s life. It’s part of the cycle. Alters are created when they’re needed, and when they’re not anymore, they disappear. Sometimes they fuse, but other times, they go dormant. It’s not a death, they can’t die, but it feels like they die.

Dormant alters can always come back, whether it’s two weeks or ten years. But, after enough time, you stop hoping. You stop watching the door, waiting for her to walk through it and smile at you and run over to hug you. You stop hoping to see her face again. When she disappeared, you somehow knew deep down she wasn’t going to return.

Dormancy just happens, but you didn’t think it could happen to her. One day she was here, the next she was gone, and that leaves you. That leaves you alone, and you’re not really alone because you’re never alone, but it feels like you are because she’s not here anymore.

She’s everywhere, and you can’t escape her. The perfumes you own smell like her, so you stopped wearing perfume. Everyone calls you by her name, so you changed it. Every time you open your mouth you hear her voice, so you stopped speaking. When you look in the mirror her face looks back at you, so you stopped looking in the mirror. None of it is ever enough.

Her perfume is ingrained in the clothes you wear. Her face haunts you in every picture in that house. You hear her voice echo, echo, echoing in every recording. All you want to do is burn the clothes, break the picture frames and tear up the pictures, smash the phone on the ground so you won’t be haunted by her anymore. You read notebooks full of her words, her poetry and her thoughts and it was all just pain and suffering and sorrow for her, and you should’ve known that. You should’ve known and you should’ve helped her. It’s all your fault. The weight of the words crushes you, each sentence feels like a shot to the heart but you keep reading because you deserve it for what you did.

There’s nothing you can do now. You just have to move forward, and you try so hard to forget and move on, but everything around you, everything about you, is hers and it haunts you.

[dr3am-operator]

happy pride month to HIM

[me-beef]

@strangeravatar made a great point

i was gonna focus on the spike-hotboxing-celestia aspect but i got distracted somewhere along the way and i think i forgot what joke i was trying to make

but dont you think its interesting how many guards of the exact same color/body type she's managed to accrue?? i do

ooohh you want to go look at our stickers so bad

[daz4i]

nikolai

nikolai

[stump-not-found]

A Lifetime Served in a Little Cup

pt.1 / pt.2 / pt.3 / pt.4

---

bill, babygirl, the red flags get outta there

[bare1ythere]

You know a character has really hit their gender out of the park when they're popularly hced as transmasc AND transfemme

[toktopus-art]

happy halloween 👻 it's haunted house time again

[sketchy-tour]

Thank you, Remderem!

[lotus-pear]

mourning black and the death of ideals

[leahaart]

Eeepy boys

[salamispots]

confetti cat + back view for fun

[wasyago]

welp, didn't manage to get everything out before season 10 started, but i gotta post it one way or another so here we go! heard there was a fandom swap game going on, wanted to do a couple promts of my own :D

[yhwcomeback]

The Master of Fire.

poster on redbubble

[wordsinhaled]

i’m so totally normal about the fact that aziraphale’s last (known) deliberate foray into the queer community was when he learned the gavotte at the fictionalized hundred guineas club (!!!) in the 1800s and now in the 2020s he’s like “grindr? what’s that?”

many are talking about his repression which is very valid… and yet the thing to me that stands out about aziraphale is that he’s actually… incredibly stable in his identity and that identity IS incredibly queer. queer by the standards of heaven AND by human standards as well

metatron describes his “de facto partnership” with crowley as “irregular.” and in fact aziraphale in his entirety is irregular. he likes and makes it his business not only to understand but to be a connoisseur of all manner of things angels aren’t supposed to even remotely care about. food. music. books. theatre. sleight of hand. and more.

it’s the sort of behavior that would’ve gotten him othered, treated as a bit odd, in heaven even if he hadn’t chosen to consort all across the earth with a literal demon. and it IS treated that way - the fact is aziraphale even as an angel has got proclivities that set him apart from the rest of the host (even after offering him the highest position in heaven, metatron still acts deeply dismissive of him… like aziraphale’s bookshop is merely a quaint little hobby of his that can be easily transferred to another custodian, and not a literal extension of who aziraphale has become, full of his tartan and unique bibles and special vintages of wine and the books arranged in a very specific way)

so. aziraphale is a queer angel but of course he’s also queer to other humans. but in such a way that… he had his realization a LONG time ago, and put the matter very much to rest after that. aziraphale is perpetually something like several centuries behind schedule. he owns an ancient computer that probably continues to run windows 98 simply because aziraphale’s decided it should. he wears the same waistcoat and coat for generations because he simply likes them precisely the way they are and sees no reason to change them. but the idea that he doesn’t know how he comes across to others - of course he does. he knows he looks like your prim and proper grandfather and he prefers it that way

aziraphale looked around at humans in the 1880s and said: ah yes. this is where i fit. and promptly ensconced himself in that queer subculture. learned the gavotte. read his austen. loved crowley from afar. aziraphale is fiercely and vibrantly queer. just with the sort of assurance of someone who lives with his lover in a commonlaw marriage for decades and then shows up at city hall for the certificate once society decides it’s ‘allowed.’ like… he hasn’t had any need to know what grindr is because aziraphale’s ‘scene’ was a century and a half ago and it defined romance for him too.

but my favorite thing about aziraphale is how much of him is about appearances versus the truth. he can lie straight to angels’ faces and sleep at night. he knows he comes off soft but he once wielded a flaming sword. he dissembles helplessness but he’s far from it and he knows precisely how it makes others treat him. and at the core of aziraphale is rigidity, inflexibility of ideas… his sense of self is stable where crowley’s is malleable, and so on, and so on

and the fact that he’s continuously fixated on trying to misguidedly do the right thing, the fact that he seeks heavenly approval and wants to fit the world into his schema of good vs evil… in no way do i think that means he isn’t one hundred percent aware of how he feels about crowley or what it means about him by angelic or human standards. i’ve seen some folks saying that aziraphale doesn’t want to like kissing crowley and like… as much as i love me some brideshead revisited/atonement flavored angst; i put forth that it’s not internalized homophobia or queer panic but simply: “i’m trying to do the right thing for both of us and you won’t let me.” and “i wanted our first kiss to be different.” he was envisioning an entirely different flavor of romance than what he got but he emma woodhoused too close to the sun

like, y’all. aziraphale in all likelihood has a glorious collection of historical queer erotica. he just has a feathery diva coat hanging in his closet, and for what. “oh, good lord” he says at crowley’s revolutionary outfit in the bastille, while eyeing him up like an entire meal. he’s so good at affected propriety, at carefully constructed stuffiness, but between the two of them aziraphale’s got to be the one who has experience

aziraphale had been physically throwing himself at crowley the entire season. he orchestrated an entire regency ball so they could touch hand to hand. he spends the entire season (well, and season 1) looking at crowley like he’s particularly coveted. he looked at crowley before the fall like he was glorious and beautiful. aziraphale’s queer and he knows it and i think that isn’t his problem, it’s the fact that he wants to build a different sort of future for the two of them but crowley’s gone and thrown a wrench in it by reminding him of everything he can finally have. like. that’s the heartbreak. it’s how dare you make this ugly? i forgive you for our first kiss being all pain and salt. it’s my dearest, i wanted to make heaven as beautiful as you deserve. as sacred and safe for us as our bookshop. and i can do that for us, because once i held a flaming sword and i still remember how the hilt felt in my hands. and now the taste of you is in my mouth.