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gwoongi · 5 years

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𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗌 ✰ taehyung (7)

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗌 kim taehyung / reader genre: zombie apocalypse au words: 4228

It felt shit to feel thankful of someone’s screaming. Mostly, Taehyung was happy it was them and not him.

a/n: funny story, i submitted this chapter as part of my creative writing portfolio and the prestige uni i sent it off to loved it and accepted me :D hopefully thats a nice indication on whether or not this is good :S

warnings: extremely graphic content, sexual pain, graphic torture, gore, violence, death, Humans Suck

01. denver ↝ 02. holiday with me ↝ 03. sad forever ↝ 04. surely ↝ 05.scorpion ↝ 06. shakespeare ↝ 07. thrones ↝ 08. moon motel

The group leave the trailer park three days later.

Bundling everything of use into the back of the truck, which seemed darker in colour since the last time it was used, you had found you enjoyed leaving more than you did settling in. Packing everything into correct places had always been such a bore, even at a young age. You remembered when you were eight, and moving in to your grandparents’ home in the outskirts of Denver. Was this really Denver? It was a small town, barely noticeable amongst the cluster of trees and ferns, but nonetheless peaceful, ‘perfect for a new place to start fresh’. Yeah, it only took around an hour and a half to get to school every-day, but don’t worry, it’s a fucking perfect place to live, aged eight, as an orphan. It took you around eleven months to finish emptying each box.

But four years ago, throwing everything into a backpack and into the boot of a car you nicked from down the road, it had been so easy. It was so easy to throw everything out and keep what you really needed. Easy to forget to pack a jacket you had been given for Christmas off an aunt you barely knew, easy to remember to pack all the knives out of the kitchen and the forbidden gun your grandfather used to hunt deer in the winter. It was rather symbolic- pretending people were deers as you shot them between the eyes.

“That everything?”

Namjoon stood, risen off the ground, his hand on the bar of the roof of the truck. Taehyung stepped down the plastic steps from the trailer, not bothering to lock the door, knowing nothing in there was of any value. At one point, the rainbow-glassed fruit bowl might have been of value, sentimental value or something. Now, it was worthless, with a lightning bolt crack down the middle.

“Yeah, good to go,” Taehyung replied, hovering when you climbed into the back to join Kyungmin. He waited, not knowing what for, only mildly embarrassed when you turned to see him staring. “You okay?”

You nodded once with a smile. “Mm. Are you?”

“Yeah. Sorry, I-”

Somehow, he hadn’t realised you shuffle to the open back doors to pull him in for a simple kiss. It was that quick and simple that he almost missed it. His eyes opened to the sight of you in front of him, your hands holding his face, rubbing the stubble around his jaw.

“You’re holding us all up, you know.”

“You’re holding me up,” he muttered, peeling your hands off his face and pressing a kiss to your knuckles, somehow finding the strength to let go and at the same time, make his way to the front of the truck. The whole vehicle shook as you pulled the back doors closed, submerging Kyungmin and yourself in familiar darkness.

“You got a map anywhere?” Taehyung fuddled in the glove compartment as Namjoon started the truck up. He pulled out a worn map, the same one you had used to direct the both of you out of Denver. Namjoon didn’t care for the quality, muttering a hasty thanks and peeling it open, staring at the lines and faded colours. “Keep heading East, as if we’re going to Georgia. Hopefully, we’ll catch Seokjin and his crew of fans on the way there.”

“And if we don’t?” Taehyung asked. When Namjoon fell silent, Taehyung’s lips pulled into a tight frown, “I’m just asking for the future. You’re not coming to Georgia. We’re going. I wanna know what our plan is before we put ourselves in danger in the middle of nowhere.”

Very aware of the compartment slider down, Namjoon found it was difficult to pick a solution that would best suit everybody. Kyungmin wanted to stay with Taehyung and yourself, forgetting Korea entirely and heading straight for the islands off the coast. Namjoon knew you wanted to go to Georgia with everybody, hoping to stick together as a four, but if there was no other option, you’d go to find a plane. Taehyung wanted to get to Georgia with you, but wouldn’t be opposed to finding Seokjin. As for himself, Namjoon wanted to take the jeep to Virginia, leaving Taehyung and yourself on the road.

Everybody made tough calls. Those words echoed in his head. Above all else, Kyungmin was his priority.

“I wanna take the jeep,” Namjoon said slowly, aware of the frowns, “but I can help find a vehicle for you and Y/N to use to get to Georgia. When that happens...we’ll go our separate ways. Half to Virginia. Half to Georgia. Fair, and square.”

Kyungmin fell with a thud and a sigh in the back of the jeep, and Namjoon did his best to ignore it.

“Alright,” Taehyung agreed, believing there was no other way around it. As long as you and him were safe, he didn’t care how it happened. “Whatever you say goes.”

14TH MARCH, 5 YEARS AGO.

Jiyong: i’ll be round at like 7:30ish. lost my weed bag and i’m a junkie and cant leave without it

Y/N: i hope it kills you

Jiyong: watch me actually die

Jiyong: don’t cry at my funeral you fake friend

Y/N: KIDDING!!!!

Y/N: is...seunghyun coming

Jiyong: fuck off

Jiyong: hes banned from seeing you

Jiyong: i cant believe my best friend is fucking my other best friend

Y/N: i like to call it woohooing and we’re being safe

Jiyong: i cant believe this is happening

Jiyong: why seunghyun?????? why not youngbae he treats women nice

Y/N: idk!!! we just hit it off a lot

Jiyong: you’ve known him for like 5 minutes

Y/N: it’s literally been like 5 years but whatever

Y/N: can’t you just be happy for me? i’m living life getting laid being happy n shit

Jiyong: i respect it but i’m not coming to urs expecting to have fun watching goblet of fire for the millionth time only for you to give seunghyun a sweaty bj right in front of me

Y/N: that was one time Let It Go

Jiyong: one day i’m gonna fucking die and you’ll realise how badly you treated me

Y/N: stop you’re my best friend :-(

Y/N: what are you like jealous that im banging him and not you???? wanna join

Jiyong: yeah i’d literally rather fuck the girl from the ring

Y/N: kinky

[03:45am]

Jiyong: woah did you hear about the north korea shit

Y/N: im literally being pounded into Cant this wait

Jiyong: we’re gonna die because kim jongun wants to nuke us and all you care about is seunghyun’s 3 inches

Y/N: it’s just fake news dont worry about it

Y/N: how many times has he threatened nuclear war

Y/N: he should hurry up and do it before exams

Jiyong: just wanted to check up on you because ur nan is fucking mental and she’ll probably collapse tomorrow morning and panic buy loaves of bread

Y/N: stop omg

Jiyong: anyways stay safe love U please bring me my weed tomorrow morning me and Jennie are gonna get high and try anal

Y/N: sweet thanks

SOMETIME LATER.

Leaving the world behind through the back windows of the jeep, you were oddly reminded of the time you left everybody behind during a Summer many years ago. It had been a spur of the moment decision, something you never expected to do, but found yourself doing anyway.

It felt like a lifetime ago; you had almost forgotten about it, until now, until seeing a sign graffitied with a smiley face, reminding you of the “GRIME SIGN” back in your hometown, renowned for being the most graffitied sign in the city. Whether or not that's true, you never really found out. Seunghyun and Jiyong had come along too, for the moral support of being alone on the road. With Jiyong in shotgun and Seunghyun in the backseat, it had felt like something slap-bang out of a teenage coming-of-age movie, titled “3 delinquents on the road to God knows where”, directed by Quentin Tarantino. You didn’t even know how to drive. It was pure bliss.

“Any luck with the radio?”

Kyungmin rattling the small radio that had been picked up from the trailer park startled you, the memory of driving nowhere and everywhere at the same time suddenly gone like the wind. As your vision readjusted to the dark, you noticed that Kyungmin was pressing all the buttons and turning all the dials, a frown on her lips jutted outwards.

“Not yet,” she replied. “Just give me a few more minutes, I can probably get this thing working.”

Namjoon let out a soft curse, swerving the truck slightly to move around a left behind Volvo, the cars open like wings with a dried trail of dragged blood leading into the thick forest. Things like that were common accessories, famed like tourist attractions. Namjoon now thought of what the world was really like- could Paris be any worse than America? What was Iceland like these days?

“Nearly there, now,” Namjoon said vaguely, and Taehyung debated whether or not to reply, if there was even anything to reply with at all. That’s how things went now, short replies or simply none at all. When the world died, so did words. Namjoon thought that was funny, how the collapse of society could mean the collapse of communication and language.

“We’ll need to stop for gas,” Taehyung said, his voice barely above a third volume. From the back of the van, you sat with your face looking out towards the left behind road, your eyelids growing heavy at the sound of Kyungmin pressing buttons, and the hum of the van beneath your thighs. “We’re running on fumes.”

Namjoon grumbled a reply, mentioning something about a gas station a couple miles ahead, near the clearing in the woods, just off the road. It didn’t take long to approach, only around ten minutes if Taehyung were to count. At least three songs had played since then. Taehyung couldn’t believe he was now counting using songs.

The station was large, decaying and it looked unsafe. Taehyung didn’t exactly care about the safety of the building itself, just caring about how safe it would be in the long-run. Safe enough to hide inside? Safe enough to step inside? Safety in architectural design didn’t matter anymore. If it looked rusted, it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

Namjoon pulled the truck into the station, immediately noticing a few canisters of fuel that was left for the purpose of using, a sign reading “STAY SAFE” stood up, stuck with black masking tape. The letters were dripping onto the concrete, a small pool of chalky white near the drain where a plant was starting to sprout.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Kyungmin’s voice made you look over from the canisters, a wrinkle between your brows. She smiled, generously, and waited for your reply. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

She was talking about the Great Escape the other day. You already knew that.

“Just curious,” she replied, the smile never wavering. “There’s not many people left in the world, you know. Next to Namjoon, you and Taehyung are all I have.”

A silence fell on the two of you, and all you could hear was the sound of Taehyung dragging a barrel across the gas station, dipping his head underneath a broken window and scanning the interior of the gas station.

“I’m here for you,” Kyungmin continued, her voice significantly quieter. “You know that, right?”

“Of course I do,” you replied, and your hand came up to stroke her forearm, a smile on your lips. For a moment, it didn’t feel like the apocalypse. In that moment, it felt like two best friends, reunited after a Summer break, the pine trees isolating them from the world, a Studio Ghibli film, released 2019.

And yet Kyungmin moved away, her gaze lowered as she passed across the gas station to meet Namjoon, already lifting canisters of gas towards the car to refill. Taehyung had emerged once again, his bag refilled with cans and cigarette packets, surprisingly a bottle of liquor in his hands as he stepped back into the bitter wind. Inhaling a breath, Taehyung crossed the width of the station and opened the passenger door to the vehicle, setting down his bag and the bottle, as if they were small children.

“There’s no way we’re making it to Georgia on time.”

Taehyung paused, throwing you a look over his shoulder. “What?”

“Let’s think realistically,” you reasoned, tugging at the cloth over his elbow. Above all, you didn’t want Kyungmin to be upset if she overheard. “It’s been...how long? Since we left the warehouse? I haven’t exactly been keeping up with the dates, but it’s been too long, Tae. Normally, it takes less than 24 hours to get from where we are- wherever we are- to Georgia. And yet, we’re still not near. I’m just-” you sighed, raking your hands through your hair. In the dim light, the grease was visible. “I think we’re out of time.”

“Y/N, they’ll be there,” Taehyung said. He didn’t know what else to say, frowning, “I thought you wanted to remain optimistic?”

“I do, but I can’t afford to hope to get to Georgia and find them there. And what?” you continued. Your voice had raised slightly, not enough to make Kyungmin or Namjoon ask questions, but enough to make Taehyung’s nose cringe at the increase. “We get there, and find them. Is anything gonna be the same? What if we get there and they’re gone and there’s no boats? What if we get there and something happens to any one of us? Tae, I can’t have that on me. I can’t have that on my conscience. Not again.”

Not again. “Yena wasn’t your fault, Y/N, you have to know that-”

“I don’t fancy being out on the road all night.” Namjoon stepped into view from around the front of the van, his hands shoved into the pockets of his distressed jeans. “Thinking we keep driving, turn in when it gets dark to the first place we see.”

“Isn’t that a little risky?” Taehyung asked, mentally making a note to continue your conversation later. “I mean, we have to really check the place before we head in.”

Namjoon frowned. “I know that. But, Kyungmin’s feeling kinda travel sick, and I don’t wanna overdo it, you know? Nights like back at the trailer park...I want more of them.”

Already moving to the back of the van, you pulled open the double doors and slipped inside, keeping them open in time for Kyungmin to crawl in after you. Her skin was a shade of ivory, whiter than earlier, as if the sickness had come suddenly like a simulation glitch. Wasn’t that what you were now? A glitch? An error in coding.

Namjoon shut the drivers door, groaning at the loud sound.

“Hey, man, you okay to drive?” Taehyung asked quietly, looking over from shotgun. “Look, if you’re tired, we can switch the orders around.”

Namjoon looked over weakly- “You’re sure?”

Taehyung unbuckled his seatbelt, dumping his jacket in the footwell with a sniff of stuffy air. “I’d prefer if you slept if you’re tired. ‘Specially when they’re in the back. Don’t wanna hurt them.”

He made a sort of grunt as a reply, switching seats with the younger. When he was sat in the passenger seat instead of the drivers, he let his head lull back onto the windowpane, feeling the chilly glass cool the back of his head. It was as if resting his head had added extra weight to his eyes.

“‘m gonna drive straight-ish,” Taehyung said with his tongue between his lips, backing up the van slowly and carefully. Namjoon opened his eyes slightly, squinting.

“Can you drive?”

Taehyung changed gears. “Yes.”

If Namjoon noticed that Taehyung paused, he didn’t mention it. In-fact, he closed his eyes again with a shrug, a half wriggle, resting his forehead against the glass, pushing towards the cool touch.

Taehyung had been driving for hours, for sure.

The time in the van was unlikely to be reliable, reading 5:19pm when the sky was as black as squid ink, the dim street-lights that somehow worked- probably solar - beckoning the group forward. In honesty, Taehyung had no idea how long it had been since the gas station, just long enough to give him a crick in his neck, the back of his thighs numbed. All things considering, Taehyung thought he was getting better at driving.

He flinched slightly as the divider to the back came sliding down, and your face popped out slightly, peering out the front window with sleepy eyes. If he had a free hand, Taehyung would have wiped the sleep from the corner of your eye, and he turned back to the road, oddly afraid of crashing the car with all four of you inside. Like yourself, he didn’t want that on his conscience. Like yourself, he couldn’t have it on his conscience, not again.

“Are we stopping soon?” you asked quietly. Namjoon shifted, making it known he wasn’t sleeping. He groaned, grinding the heel of his palm into his eyes, unbothered when dust and dirt smudged on his skin when he pulled away. He could look worse, he thinks.

“Nearly,” Taehyung replied. “I don’t know where to go from here. Last road was blocked, so, I’m trying to get out of here.”

Namjoon shifted, cracking his shoulder loudly. “You tried any back-streets?”

Instantly, Taehyung thought of the woman earlier in his trip. The way she screamed at the car, scratching at the rusty paint job, her eyes bloodshot and her skin a lime colour. He gulped the hot lump in his throat, “I’d rather avoid them.”

“It’s safer,” Namjoon continued. “Out of the way-”

Somewhere outside of the van, there was a loud crash, similar to the way you sound when you drop something at midnight when your parents are sleeping. The volume was loud, louder than anticipated, and Taehyung unintentionally stalled the van. Kyungmin jeered forward, hitting the underneath of her chin on the seats opposite, sending out a string of foreign curses to Taehyung in the driver's seat. He avoided the stare of Namjoon, deciding he didn’t want to see the deathly glare.

“What the hell was that?” you asked, cradling a throbbing pain on the side of your face after catching it on the separation between front and back. “Is someone here?”

Namjoon stayed silent for a moment, staring darkly into the outside. Taehyung didn’t know what to do except wait, ready to jump into action when Namjoon made a noise of surprise- or was it shock?- and slapped Taehyung’s hand with great panic, “Fucking pull up somewhere. Turn off those fucking lights. Fuck, fuck, fuck-”

“Jesus,” Taehyung cursed, doing exactly that as you leaned back to switch off the lights, submerging Kyungmin into darkness as the blood pooled in her mouth from earlier. She groaned something between her lips, holding her chin with her left hand as she picked herself up to lean over into the front, staring out at what Namjoon was watching across the small street. With the van now in darkness, away from the streetlight, you were invisible.

It wasn’t hard, locating the source of Namjoon’s panic.

Across the street, a flood of artificial white engulfed the street, barely missing the pull-in that Taehyung had moved into moments earlier. Namjoon slouched out of instinct, keeping his eyes on the road as he noticed three people dashing out into the darkness, the explosive lights following them as if they were automatic. They probably were, turning on as they stepped further and further away from the door they ran from. As they hurried past the hidden van, another noise pulled away your attention.

A large garage door screamed as it opened, in desperate need of oil, chains clattering against the metal interior. The light suddenly changed to an eerie green, something you saw in documentaries about weed farms. As it slid further up into the building, Namjoon hitched a breath as the sight of three sets of human legs came into view, dressed in stunning ebony, large guns by their hips. One of them smoked a cigarette, the smoke rising up like old Native smoke-signals. The middle guy pulled up his mask, covering his nose and lower face, and loaded the large Heckler Koch HK MG4 MG 43, aiming it swiftly at the little piggies running away from the slaughterhouse.

Taehyung knew that gun- the Heckler Koch never missed a target. He barely flinched when the gunman hit the kneepits of the runners, sending them to the ground instantly, their bodies buckling under the loss of legs. The screams were loud. Mama has the bacon, now.

The other two gunmen laughed loudly, approaching the pigs and picking them up to drag them back into the garage, a trail of blood marking the concrete like paint. He said something, the main gunner, and the two spares were taken away, possibly to die, maybe to a waiting room where they would await their death, as casually as they would waiting for a doctor’s appointment. The last runner, a man who looked to be in his mid-thirties, with already greying hair at the top, was pulled to the side of the room where three more men emerged, a woman amongst the pack with her hair sprawled out to her elbows, in mermaid curls. She was gorgeous, nobody could argue against that, with her body in a glamorous dress, something too glamorous for the apocalypse. On her feet, heels that presented her perfectly painted toes, a peachy shade.

“What’s happening?” Kyungmin asked. It was rhetoric. Everybody knew the answer.

The woman dressed in glam approached the slumped body of the runner, crouching to cup his face and stroke a thumb across the bags under his eyes, bleeding out with veins a bright red, the red of a freshly picked apple, the red line under a spelling error. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, putting her thumb over his lips and kissing her nail, before retreating and nodding curtly at the men around her. It was a signal, for they picked up the runner and began to tear off his clothes, leaving him stark naked, covered in purple bruises, tiny flowers on his skin.

Taehyung had seen things like this before- he was no stranger to the way the men beat the man with clubs and their boots, laughing at the way he retreated into his own skin, recoiling at every kick and screaming with every sickening club, until he accepted the fact that his body was their plaything. He watched, in morbid wonder, as they dragged him by his swollen balls to the center of the room, where a sharpened hook hanging from a chain off the ceiling swung threateningly, a bone being wagged in the face of a dog. The man whimpered, his eyes hurting, only barely making out his destination before his body shook violently.

The man picked him up as if he was a sack of sugar, with one hand around his neck, promptly planting him on the hook as if it were a throne. Now Taehyung had to close his eyes.

It was curling upwards, sharply, scraping every wall and nerve and good spot that ached. Yet, the men watched with wonder and satisfaction, clapping when he thrashed like a fish out of water. His legs were immobile, moving inches and with every movement came a grunt of pain, flashed with panic and agony from his rather pointy throne, and then the passing pain of his arm being cracked upwards.

The crack was loud.

From behind him, Taehyung heard Kyungmin make a small wheeze, hurrying into the back of the van, where Taehyung watched you pick her head up off the seats, your thumbs in a pool of vomit around her mouth. You didn’t even care about the sick on her knees, or the smell in your nose. Namjoon looked through the slot, dragging the divider up before the sound of retching made him sick, too.

You stopped listening to the retching, quietly shushing each whimper as Taehyung slowly started the van back up, grateful that he was covered by the sound of someone screaming in fucking agony. It felt so wrong, to be thankful of a tortured man. Cock and all, Taehyung was thankful he was screaming. The tyres of the van slowly rolled along the road, in the shadows, at a sluggish pace. Namjoon wiped away a line of sweat on his forehead, unable to look away from the man, thrashing like a pig, hanging like a sack of meat in a slaughterhouse, blood pooling now at the corner of his mouth, his eyes, his nose, dried blood at his ears.

It felt shit to feel thankful of someone’s screaming. Mostly, Taehyung was happy it was them and not him.

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swampgallows · 6 years

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ive been taught to want romance but im not sure if i actually do want it. ive been taught to be feminine and feel only as if i consistently fail at it, even if i were to ever want it. but i was also raised by a woman who actively shunned these things out of her own shit self-esteem or used any aspect of me and my sister’s desirability or femininity to put herself down, so wanting to go clothes shopping or to wear makeup or to have mother-daughter outings became “why must you directly hurt your mother”

ive been single for over five years but i dont want to flirt or date and dont know if i desire romance, but i feel like i am a failure if i do not have it. i will fail at attempting femininity because i dont want it, but failing at it still makes me feel like i have to prove myself.

i have a lot of cool outfits i never get to wear anymore, and now im too big for some of them. i have wasted years of my life sitting in my room in my pajamas feeling too afraid of being seen. i have wasted so much of my youth locking myself away for fear of not being good enough.

i was crying last night to my mom because i said i feel guilty about not being more productive. the meeting with jnco went well and i have pretty high hopes, but it made me realize i dont have a place to host a professional portfolio. i just have a tumblr blog. then i realized my art needs to be pushed a lot further if i want to be a professional, or even pass as one. i dont know if i want to do anything, but i’m going to need to. i need money and i need to be able to start supporting myself, but i feel like even if i try it will be impossible in this economy. regardless, i was crying about my guilt and saying that i feel terrible that dad has been supporting me this long and i dont have much to show for it, and all she said was “not to make this about me, but...” and then proceeded to make the conversation about her, and how she hasn’t had an income in ten years, and “your father works so hard to support us”, and how im supposed to not feel guilty. she just says like ‘dont worry about it’.

i cant explain why this fucking hurts me so much. part of me feels like my parents either dont want me to be successful, or they dont care. my mom just says “youre concentrating on your art, it’s fine” and my dad just says “do you have any shares of the company? are you making any money?” even though it was only our first meeting to introduce ourselves and see if the guy was legit. my parents contradict each other so i dont know how to feel.

it’s easy for my mom to say not to worry and that it doesn’t matter; she’s not the one slaving away 7 days a week. i want my dad to be able to retire, but i cant even support myself, let alone him and me. even when i was working i wasn’t making enough to pay rent -anywhere-. i didnt even have to pay for transportation at my job.

i know i’ll have big expenses coming up. i think this temp crown will need a root canal after all, but either way i need it seriously looked at. and if i get my wisdom teeth out, that’s another few grand out of my savings. im holding off as long as i can on getting the wisdom teeth out, due to both the expense and out of fear. they rarely bother me but i know two are impacted and the other two are crooked and have decay, so they should come out. i’m so tired of my soft shitty teeth. my brother and sister have zero cavities, but i have my dad’s soft enamel and BOTH of my parents’ bruxism.

i’m just sick of being useless and im sick of my dad suffering

#blathering

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dunesand · 7 years

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2017 has been a weird year for me in terms of art. ill be talking about it a bit on this post i guess for me to look back at : ^ O a lot has been on my mind.

i started off this year lost. i submitted to one place since i had graduated and got in. getting into yacht club was a dream. i worked on so much stuff and had a blast, i cant thank them enough for the experience. (when it comes out, i cant wait to show u guys what i worked on!) then i left and i felt incredibly lost again. i took a month off and went to japan to recollect my thoughts and to ask myself what i wanted to do. i learned a lot about myself there as an artist and i came back with..sort of an idea of what i wanted. when i came back however, a lot of self doubt and fear kicked in at an alarming rate. i struggled with the idea of what would make a "good portfolio" and the fear of rejection settled in. to ignore these feelings i kept myself busy by working on countless zines and fanart. because i had never gotten the chance to draw art that i liked or fanart in general, i overloaded myself on work, thinking that staying busy was the right thing but t backfired. eventually the idea of staring at my screen made me miserable and more and more work got left undone. my brother inevitably snapped me out of it and told me to stop muddying up my schedule with things that were blocking my real goal and i agreed. the fear of rejection loomed over me, yet i hadnt even submitted anywhere. i had no right to be scared, and i still dont. my fears regarding my own art still plague me too. every artist wants to find that something that speaks to them in their art i think, at least i do haha. i romanticized that concept so much and forced myself to do different things and hoped id be happy with the end result. i realize its not something to be forced, and ill be searching for a long time for it.. and that's ok. at the risk of sounding cheesy art is definitely a journey and my journey is still only at the beginning it seems; ive just been too scared to move on further. during that journey i kept looking for the right direction in fear of going the wrong direction, but i cant find the right path if im scared to stumble onto new and scary things from time to time during my journey. theyll help me grow. v__v 2018 will be different for me. ill be keeping myself busy with things that will help me grow as an individual and as an artist but ill try to be kinder on myself in terms of growth as well. soon ill be starting to reach out and look for jobs and ill try my best to do so without the idea of fear/rejection. im excited to see where ill end up/where my art will go, and knowing the amazing support i have from others and even people here, i know ill be ok. thank you guys.

thank you for sticking around till now. i hope youll continue this journey with me and i hope to make u all and myself proud.

#personal #i posted this on twitter too #but yeah #thanks love you all #2018 will be my bitch #for art

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noxiim · 7 years

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(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

#long post #sorry I kind of rambled #but anon if you want to talk to me don't be afraid to message me instead #I'm always here if you need to vent 💕#asks #Anonymous #art asks

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taleshalance4 · 6 years

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What Law Firms Can Learn from The Fortune 500

Law firm first, business second. At least that’s how it can feel when your heavy caseload makes it nearly impossible to focus on back-office operations. With li2mited time to work on the business side of things, the systems, processes, and people you put in place can mean the continued success of your practice or, in the worst case scenario, contribute to its downfall.

If you’re like many attorneys, you may only have an hour or two each week to spend on your business, so where should you begin? What should you prioritize? A few clues may be found on the Fortune 500 list. These widely respected and highly profitable companies continually invest in the following resources and tools to promote growth:

They Invest in Online Marketing

Now, we won’t sit here and tell you that you need a website. You already know that, but a new study released last month helps to shed some light on just how important it is to keep your website dynamic. The study found that 81% of those surveyed think less of a brand if its website is not updated. Also, 39% of respondents stated that they would think twice about using a product or service if the website isn’t kept current. It’s no surprise that some of the fastest growing teams in successful companies have been in the digital space (think content marketing, user experience, social media, etc).

The Takeaway: Each week commit to spending at least half an hour on your website. You might spend the time writing a new blog post or even checking Google Webmaster Tools for any sudden drops in traffic or crawl errors. Not comfortable doing either? Don’t ignore your website. Look for the right professionals to help—experience in legal marketing, impressive portfolios, and proven results are all must-have credentials.

They Use CRMs

A great website can help to bring in new leads, but it can’t close deals. That takes regular follow-up, relationship-nurturing, and excellent organizational skills which is why many companies rely on the help of a Customer Relationship Management (CRM) tool. At the most basic level, a CRM is designed to help organizations manage interactions with prospects and clients. These platforms can help you track referral sources, efficiently manage your pipeline and even forecast your quarterly revenue. Over the past few years, a number of CRMs have been developed for busy law firms so there is no shortage of options when it comes to finding a tool to help you stay organized and boost your bottom-line.

The Takeaway: The CRM is a perfect example of a tool that most attorneys don’t learn about in law school, but really should. If you don’t yet have one in place to manage your pipeline, explore your options and make implementation an H1 goal.

They Worship Data and Rely On Reporting

During a recent strategy meeting I attended at the offices of a leading fintech provider, there was some disagreement about the best way to proceed. As the team looked to the leader of the group, he calmly replied, “show me the data and then we’ll decide.” In today’s world where data is abundant and accessible, business decisions should never be made without it. Yet this isn’t always the case in law firms, where productivity and business data can be buried in disjointed applications or legacy systems. making quick retrieval difficult. Sometimes, the help of a third party is required.

Can you quickly pull together billable hours and realization rate by timekeeper? Are you able to see realized and unrealized revenues from matters introduced by specific referral resources? Can you pull reports like an Accounts Receivable Aging Summary, filtered by practice area or responsible attorney, in 30 seconds flat?

If you answered no to any of the above, it’s time to rethink your reporting options and seek a new solution that helps you get to your data faster so you can make better decisions. To ensure you can see productivity reports in addition to the standard accounting data, look for an end-to-end practice management solution with a built-in CRM, timekeeping and comprehensive accounting tools.

The Takeaway: What isn’t measured can’t be improved. Take some time to identify gaps in your firm’s data. Which numbers can’t you access on your own? What data would have been helpful to you in the past year? Once you have your list of non-negotiables, set out to find a practice management solution that makes data accessible to all of your firm’s stakeholders with the touch of a button.

They Prioritize Accessibility and Flexibility

With a workforce that is demanding more flexibility, a long list of Fortune 500 companies have invested in making their systems and software accessible from anywhere in the world. Law firms have been slower to embrace remote access, and the solutions that have been adopted (remoting into your office desktop, for example) aren’t ideal. To ensure that you have access to all of your cases and business data, you need to embrace the cloud.

The Takeaway: The cloud isn’t something to fear. Look for a cloud-based practice management solution that allows you to access all of your matters, contacts, emails, and documents from your cell phone or another office.

They Are Proactive About Cyber Security

Last year alone, we saw a long list of industry giants, including Starwood, Facebook and Under Armour, fall victim to massive data breaches. These incidents not only harm a brand’s reputation, but they can also seriously affect its bottom line, which is why companies are doubling down on their teams and systems dedicated to protecting data. Law firms are also at risk and far too many have been slow to rise to the challenge.

Now I realize that few attorneys can be expected to become cybersecurity experts; all, however, should understand the threats and have a basic understanding of where their data is stored and what their vendors (IT consultants and/or third-party software providers) are doing to keep their data safe.

The Takeaway: When it comes to cybersecurity, your firm can’t afford to be reactive, it must be proactive. With so much information stored in your practice management software, be sure to start there. If you have on-premise servers, how often are they updated and monitored for threats? What happens if there is a flood in your office that damages the server? With so many threats and constantly evolving technologies to contend with, you might consider hiring an expert to perform regular security audits

Cloud-based solutions also present unique challenges and you’ll want to ask any vendor about their disaster recovery plan and where their servers are located. Also, inquire about redundancy, brute force attack countermeasures and make sure all of your documents, and critical data, are encrypted. Complete audits, by cybersecurity experts, should be performed on a regular basis to ensure ongoing best-practices are in place for all of your systems.

Author: Fred J. Cohen, JD is a former practicing attorney and founder and product architect of Zola Suite, a leading cloud-based practice management application.

The post What Law Firms Can Learn from The Fortune 500 appeared first on Law Technology Today.

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eliaandponto1 · 6 years

Text

What Law Firms Can Learn from The Fortune 500

They Invest in Online Marketing

They Use CRMs

They Worship Data and Rely On Reporting

They Prioritize Accessibility and Flexibility

They Are Proactive About Cyber Security

Author: Fred J. Cohen, JD is a former practicing attorney and founder and product architect of Zola Suite, a leading cloud-based practice management application.

The post What Law Firms Can Learn from The Fortune 500 appeared first on Law Technology Today.

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jess-oh · 6 years

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Reflection

hey,

i feel mixed things. i went to the good friday service and a part of me is happy that it wasnt awkward and i wasnt the only one that decided to go but another part of me is sad that i didnt get to spend that one-on-one time with jason. but i am glad that eunice and angela were there too. during the service, i took notes diligently and after the practical time, i did my best to distance myself from everyone else so as to not feel judged or pressured. and it did go well for a while and i was good at not speaking until we got into the small chapel and started writing our new commitments. my heart did break when i saw the whip and crown of thorns and touched it and i cant even imagine the physical, mental, and emotional torment that Jesus went through leading up to His death. And I kind of wish I had spent more time there instead of moving faster so that other people wouldn’t have to wait. But after writing my commitments, I decided to pray on my knees and I was aware when people started leaving and I knew that the room was either totally or nearly empty by the time that I was done but I just felt like I really needed that time to be with God and confess what was on my heart. I know that I’ve been struggling with what it means to rest in Christ and that’s something that I’ve never been very good at and really trying to understand my value in God’s eyes. I think I am still struggling with my identity in God but I did carry out my commitment. I am a lot more proud and bold in my faith. I’ve been able to more openly talk about my faith in my dorm, on the first floor, at work, at the train station, anywhere. And I am really proud of myself and how far I’ve grown since last year. And initially, I wasn’t really in the mood to have fun and games and laugh and fellowship but i pushed myself to learn to receive and relax so i laughed alongside them. and i did actually have a good time. i got a lot closer with chelsea and angela, jason, chelsea, and i decided to eat kbbq together afterwards and it was really fun! joyce and jiham later joined us and we all talked in between conversations. and i accidentally slipped and said, “i dont drink anymore” when jason jokingly offered me some and everyone immediately exclaimed, “WHAT?” to me in disbelief. And to my surprise, Jason asked if I had a problem with it before but stopped and I confirmed his suspicions. But looking back on it, I’m kinda surprised he got that from what I said? It could just be that I drank a bit but decided not to anymore? But anyway, I was half expecting them to press further into it but they didn’t and I’m partly sad that I couldn’t share and relieved that I didn’t have to share. I think I could have but it did make me feel kind of bad when they reacted so strongly. But throughout the day, honestly, I was forcing myself to put on a smile and pretend that I was okay. And it didn’t seem like the mood or the moment to share my struggles and I really do thin I define myself by how much I serve and give bc it is such a huge part of my identity. And I think my intentions are usually pure but there is always a part me that needs to give in order to feel like I’m worth something. And that’s definitely something that I need to seriously pray about. I think a lot of the times, I wait until I’m at church to pray instead of just doing it when I need to and because of that, it feels fake sometimes at church. It feels like I don’t really mean what I’m saying. And I definitely do think I need to spend more time with God to get over it. I do want an honest and pure relationship with Him and I know a lot of the times, my feeling like I need to be a leader gets in the way of that. And I pretended like I was fine and kept saying that I was okay but I also couldn’t stop thinking about how I literally didn’t want to live anymore on Saturday. That was less than a week ago and I just felt like I was in so much pain and suffering and misery that I couldn’t take it anymore and I just wanted to die and kill myself so that I could be happy and with God and just be in pure joy and bliss. But I’m afraid if I say anything, P. Josh will think I’m not yet ready to serve and take MAST away from me and I would honestly be so upset because of that. It would feel like EIC and yearbook all over again. But, not becoming EIC gave me the opportunity to build a much more intimate relationship with God and come back to Him and maybe this is a sign that I shouldn’t be serving in MAST bc it’ll just stand in the way of me being able to rest and receive and learn who God is through that.

Oh, I also saw Chaeweon earlier and we sat together and it was gr9. BUT, she left early and I didn’t have time to say bye! :( But we are still going to hangout tomorrow so I’m excited for that!

And my suspicions were confirmed, Jason and Angela are going out! And I want to ask more about it but I think I am a little more understanding of their relationship now. On the one hand, I’m a bit upset just bc I don’t want it to be like my freshman year where everyone in leadership was dating each other and that just made a lot of people feel left out and uncomfortable. But I am happy for them and I hope they grow strong in their faith together. I think they both have their own issues and I think Angela could easily take advantage of Jason on accident just bc she’s so strong and he’s so kind. But they’re both my friends and I do really hope things work out.

My day today—

it was pretty good. honestly. i started my day by getting my dishes done and out of the way, chatted with Emily for a bit in the morning, and headed to school. I revised the pamphlet for A^2 with the updated fonts and printed my leaflet for graphic design. There, I ran into Andrew Shike and helped him out with cutting and checked items out for the both of us. And then I hurriedly tried to take pictures on the 10th floor but it was a STRUGGLE. And my pictures came out okay but I didn’t have enough time to take better pictures and upload them before work and the media lab closed when I got off my shift, soooo. I just decided to take my time to get good pictures for class and my portfolio tomorrow. i think i’ll try to do it after hanging out with chaeweon for lunch! hopefully we dont take too long. well, idk. i would love to chat for hours with her and it not be awkward but i also do have some work to do. i guess she can accompany me and then we can just spend the day together from there? but, we’ll just have to see how things turn out tomorrow.

and honestly, im in a constant state of being on the verge of tears. true joy is something that i have not felt in a while and i can feel myself getting numb and afraid and anxiety-ridden and im just upset bc i worked so hard to get away from that but i feel like im just reverting back into my old habits.

i drank at the beginning of the school year bc i wasn’t in a mentally good stable. im still not in a mentally good place, lol. but i am better. kind of. i just felt very alone and like i couldnt trust anyone last semester and i was the most concerned with my grandma’s health at the time bc it didnt look like she would be making it by the time i returned for winter break. and i sought refuge and mulan and dana. and bc they were there for me, i was desperate to be accepted and so, i started casually drinking with them. marlena too. she respected my choice to not drink before but the temptation was there and i went for it. and granted, i didnt drink a ton but i was definitely on my way to becoming an alcoholic. i drank nearly daily for two weeks and since then, there have been moments when i was tempted to just drink to avoid my problems and ease the pain. and thank goodness im not 21 yet or else i would’ve bought so many bottles already. it’s bc i dont have easy access that im still sober and not an alcoholic but looking at everything that im going through, sometimes i just want to give up and solve my problems by not thinking at all.

i dont know if i feel alone bc i know that i have people around me that care about me. but i do feel like theres this wall thats dividing us and keeping me from really being raw and vulnerable and just facing my fears and anxieties and worries head on. and im wondering if the only way to get over this is to confess it to God. And while I think that will help in part, I do think I also just need to be okay with trusting others with my life and weaknesses and vulnerabilities and thriving in where I fail. Because none of us are perfect. I feel like before, people were jealous of me bc of how perfect I seemed. But now that I’ve let people see my weaknesses, I feel like they judge me and deem me unfit to lead and serve. But if this is how I can better develop my relationship with God, then why not do it, yknow? Idk. I’m just. conflicted. struggling. theres a lot on my plate and i just want to throw myself at my work so that i dont have to think about it.

#reflection

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abigailswager · 7 years

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Diversification can Kill your Returns

New Post has been published on https://cryptocurrenciestrading.com/%ef%bb%bfdiversification-can-kill-your-returns/

Diversification can Kill your Returns

Diversification Can Cripple Your Returns

Summary

A method never talked about. Over trading now is an enemy. This method teaches control. You seldom ever hear this approach being discussed in the media.

Why doesn’t the media talk about a concentrated portfolio approach,

The answer seems obvious.

A portfolio made up of only a handful of equities doesn’t promote trading. Brokerage firms are one of the largest advertisers within financial news networks. These are the folks that make trading for a living look so easy. The want you to trade trade trade! So it seems obvious why they wouldn’t promote such a strategy that doesn’t involve churn. Finance websites need clicks and advertising dollars to stay alive. The cost per click for terms related to stocks, brokers, and trading are very expensive. Terms such as “best online stock broker” are some of the most expensive searches on Google costing anywhere from $3.00 to $50.00 per click. So they have an interest in promoting active trading. So it should be no surprise this strategy gets no respect and even ridiculed by the media,

The strategy I am speaking of has worked for many including our members. The only regret is not giving it a name long ago. We gave it a tagline called the “12 Trades per Year Portfolio”. In hindsight maybe it should have been called 7 trades per year or 9 trades per year. You get the drift that we are having a hard time making it to 12 trades.

What this is not.

I am speaking of the elimination of over-trading. Over-Trading is an easy mistake to make. We have all been guilty. Boredom sometimes make us put on a trade we shouldn’t. A financial guru talking about option activity in a stock is off the chart and a buyout could be in the works can cause a trade that shouldn’t have been. The thing is you can fix this starting now. Just don’t do it. Simple as that. Stop it and stop it now. If you do nothing else and stop this bad habit now you will see an immediate payoff. This isn’t rocket science, it is basic self-control. Don’t enter a trade without the full confidence risk reward on your side. Even then you will have your losers so don’t compound it any longer by making too many trades.

Billionaire investor Warren Buffett famously stated that diversification”is protection against ignorance. It makes little sense if you know what you are doing.” He is basically saying diversification is for the average.

How to carry out this strategy.

Stay in touch with the news flow. Keep yourself informed and wait. You are waiting for an event. What event, We don’t know what we are waiting on but we know one is coming sooner or later. While you are waiting, exercise your throwing arm by making notes about stocks you think will rise or fall. For instance, if the news of the week is “Gold is going to rise”, make a note of what you think will happen in the next week, month or year. Make notes of stocks and sectors you think are overvalued and undervalued. Try to find upcoming trends and what the media might be talking about in the next 3-6 months like we did with Nvidia (NASDAQ:NVDA). We were writing about it in March when it was trading at $32.00. This will start getting your throwing arm ready. Like in sports you are training. The more you do this the stronger you become. Without proper training, you are doomed to fail. Also, surround yourself with like-minded thinkers. Seek them out. You will eventually become a product of the people who surround you. Do this and when the “event” presents itself you will have the confidence to act. You will not be afraid to go into a position with size.

The “market” is a big crybaby.

I hate it when pundits treat the market like a person.

The “market” wants this or that. The “market” wants rates to stay the same or wants a rate hike. Are you kidding me, These statements are coming from educated people! I want you to take notice how many times you hear someone in the financial media make a statement about the “market” as if it is a person. They speak of it as though the market is an all-knowing being. You listen to them enough and you would think the “market” is a 5-year-old child crying over candy! The “market” is made up of people. Guess what, People are driven by 2 main emotions.Fear and greed. Once you realize that fear and greed are the main drivers of this whole game, only then can you begin to see mispriced stocks due to these emotions. Once you get some time exercising under your belt you may then start the actual process of implementing this strategy. This is where the rubber meets the road.

Proponents of efficient market hypothesis say that any new information relevant to a company’s value is quickly priced by the market.

This is the biggest load of bull dung ever sold to the investing public. If this is true how did I and a handful of friends make a small fortune by buying HealthSouth at .19-.40 cents and sell it not long afterwards for $6.00, Talking about a prime example of fear and greed! This was a classic case. Even though I did make the highest percentage return of my career on this play, I look back and think of how I should have bet bigger. I still get an occasional phone call from people who I shared the HealthSouth trade with say “I wished I had followed you” or “I would have made a fortune had I listened”. That’s the thing with investing, trading, speculating or whatever name you choose, you can almost always look back and see where you could have done better. The same holds true with life in general. Don’t let those once in a lifetime events leave you on the sideline.

Warning:This method can be boring.

This is where it can get very boring. We wait. We wait and we wait more. We start thinking this should be called “No Trades per Year” because it is boring. We think the opportunity will never come. We wait more. But sooner or later it comes.

A few recent examples.

Sometimes it comes slow and gentle like the Oil trade alert on February 12, 2016. This play felt like it was in slow motion. Almost every talking head was saying $20.00 Oil was coming. To listen to the media that week the oil producers were going to start paying us to fill our vehicles because it cost too much for them to store it, and stupid low prices are here forever and there was nothing anyone could do. I will never forget thinking of the old simplistic saying “Be buying when they crying and be selling when they yelling”. It just seemed so obvious. So United States Oil Fund LP (NYSEARCA:USO) was the vehicle that was chosen to trade at $7.81. USO traded near $12.00 towards the end of May. It felt so easy.

The United Rentals (NYSE:URI) buy in January at $46.60 didn’t feel as obvious as the oil play when thinking about it in hindsight. United Rentals wasn’t a media stock darling and seldom gets a mention. The alert went out while the conference call was taking place. The stock closed at $55.84 the day before and was down more than $10.00 on the earnings miss. This felt like a big overreaction. We knew there was no danger of a bankruptcy or any real liquidity issues. It was the classic case of a stock getting punished over a quarter to quarter miss. United Rentals traded at $49.46 only two sessions later and hit $51.08 five days afterward. Those that did sell around those price levels have nothing to be ashamed as it retreated to $43.34 on February 11. But those that stayed with URI are looking like a stock picking Rainman as $82.12 was the closing number on August 23. But guess what, We closed the position for the member alerts portfolio on April 27 at a price of $68.07 causing the portfolio to miss out on the next $14.00 of profit. Do you see how you can always look back and see how you could have done better, You can’t get too caught up in what you missed but you can learn from the event. A ride with just 1000 shares turned $43,000 into $68,000. A percentage that is seldom achieved in a ultra-diversified portfolio.

Holy Grail,

This is not the Holy Grail. Is this method bullet proof, No. Is the risk higher, Depends on which academic pundit answers. I can say I like the chances of picking 5 stocks over a 12-24 month period than say picking 20-50 stocks. I like the odds better as I can control my risk even more by only entering stocks I feel confident. The risk level is up to the individual. You must have a mental disaster plan in place. In a highly focused portfolio, one should always have a proper escape plan. This can be accomplished with stops and/or by taking insurance on your play via options. Most common method is adding puts equal to the amount of shares you own. This gives you a known risk amount. Others may choose not buy insurance if the confidence level is high. It boils down to risk tolerance and personal preference.

This method isn’t for everyone. A person could choose to do this with only a small portion of their portfolio. But once you realize the “market” isn’t an all-knowing entity and “Fear and Greed” plays a huge role in the “markets”, you then become a better investor.

#Coin Talk

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