#but i cant edit the old post on my phone
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valentine from last year
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oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng
#ann plays awakening#EDITING TO SAY I STARTED TAG VENTING HIT READMORE AT YOUR OWN RISK#anyways#LAST LINE IS A KILLERRRR WOW#‘ann werent you just pairing olivia with thar—‘ OLIVIA IS A BUSY WOMAN OKAY#but also i just had this old save file from when i wanted to see pink inigo and decided to get some more supports#im obsessed actually like#ok tag venting time maybe this should be its own post but u guys know who i am#not only does this support in my very educated opinion do a good job at emulating inigo’s way of speaking#but i think theres also a very underrated characteristic he has that not a lot of people talk about and its that hes honestly quite morbid#him spending hours talking to and dancing with his mother’s grave is very beautiful and moving but it is also not a normal way to grieve#which makes sense because duh nothing about his life is normal but its j like. you know#if robin is his father (and maybe j the normal convo i dont remember) in the hot springs scramble he’ll insist upon bringing—#severed risen limbs home as a way to remember the peacefulness (lol) of the springs#and he thinks absolutely nothing of it!!#i think he gets attached to things just a little too intensely and because his life is surrounded by death how he expresses that can be#very interesting. and he talks about death all time more than the other kids#bc while a lot of their coping mechanisms are based in fear and the need to instill confidence in themselves (think cyn or gerome or owain#or sev or yarne or noire)#and how their SCARED of death and of loss and adapt different behaviors to act like theyre not (to varying degrees of success)#i think inigo is much more accepting of the fact that death follows him and has made it a normal presence in his life#which is not a good thing it means that he hasnt let himself grieve. he lets death hang over him and follow him instead of pushing back#also guess which one of the awakening trio in fates has the canonical story death. just by the way lmao#anyways bc im writing this in the tags on my phone i cant actually see what the hell ive been saying im j stream of consciousnessing this#but my point is that inigo has a weird fixation on death and dying that stems from his inability to make peace with death and grieve#and i think him idolizing death in this support (this BRILLIANT fan support that made me ill) is so in character and so lovely#i miss him so bad (hes literally in the photos im posting) grghhhrgah#i wuv him :(
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Hi it’s like 7 years later and I’m moving back in with them
Someone please pray for Connor. Because he’s going to be living with me and like I don’t think he has any idea what he signed up for.
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youtube
in cellabration of the new frnk video, sharing the video i took from my show nearly 10 yrs ago 🕸️🖤
frnkiero andthe cellabration opening for taking back sunday at the spokane knitting factory, 9.24.14
#shot on a flip camcorder lololol and edited in probably microsoft movie maker#was 16 and took a friend i'm not in touch with anymore#hair was faded pink and frank and i had matching ouija board phone cases :') he signed my fun ghoul vest#i still have the yellow pick i picked off the floor#must've gotten flicked into the crowd next to my lucky feet lol#anyway fond memory i was rly starstruck lol#originally posted this vid/linked it via my old blog and then privated it after some good gifsets came of it#wanted to share again :))) for the community feeling of it#frnkiero#stomachaches#frnkiero andthe cellabration#mine#documenting#cant remember the first band that opened!#Youtube
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gimme ideas for how to torture feather once i finish this stupid fucking homeschool shit
#i might make the crystal shit grow#since i already had plans for that i was saving for later#cjrp anons#i cant put the feather anon tag since the mac im on is old as shit and doesnt recognize the feather emoji#ill edit this post once im on my phone again
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i dont think we shoulda got rid of thiz post editor, every time i open a post and it still lets me edit in this version im filled with peace. i could edit the tags before they rolled that shit out on desktop, untill they rolled it back on here. fuckers
#like literally they got rid o this then way later gave us 'tag editing' cowards. bitchless cowards give me the old one back#i can edit tags in this one now yes. but i wont like it.#CAUSE GUESS WHAT BUDDY? IT DOESNT ALWAYS FUCKIN WORK (even tho the pictured one here always did)#AND I CANT REARRANGE TAGS ON MY PHONE NO MORE#I GOTTA DELETE ALL THE ONES TO GO BACK! IF I WANNA ADD SOMETHIN IN THERE! FUCK!#didnt have to do that in the above. nah. just go oh hey and scroll back and type it in doodly do no biggie#man. who authorized this#my posts#dont mind me im just havin a moment
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This is like a month old (dead ahh trend) but i owe it to yall for the lack of content (sorry for the glitchy editing,,,, my phone cant take much) I may post some of my other little animations ive been doing in the time ive been away sdfbskdh ft @nightwingthedragoness's narrator doin a lil dance
#tsp#tspud#the stanley parable#tsp narrator#the stanley parable narrator#virus narrator#stanley parable narrator#tsp au
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could you write a nick x ftm!reader? something like the reader sees a bunch of hate comments about him and nick comforts him? (if not that’s totally ok)
,,My Boy’’
-N.S
Synopsis: You and Nick have been dating for a long time now, and you finally agree to be in one of the boy’s videos. Nick introduces you as his boyfriend, and the viewers find out you are trans. Some don’t respond the best to this, but Nick is there to comfort you.
pairing: bf!nick sturniolo (he/him) X trans ftm!reader (he/him)
warnings: homophobia, transphobia, panic attack, gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, cyber bullying, threats, harassment, homophobic & transphobic slurs (i promise i can say them. id never EVER say a slur i couldnt!!) and i think thats all! please let me know if i missed one <3
requested?: yes!
back to: masterlist
—FIRST PERSON POV—
After Nick constantly asking me if I was positive I don’t want to finally be in one of the triplets videos, I reluctantly agree.
I have been dating nick for around eight months, and we have kept our relationship a ‘secret’, for these past eight months, and i finally agreed to be in a video.
Matt got back into the car, shutting the door behind himself. Nick smiled at me, before speaking up.
“Welcome back, everybody! Today, we have a special guest, my boyfriend, y/n!” Nick boasts. I love how he openly called me his boyfriend, but i was worried. were his fans going to find out?
Sure they would, but would they care? probably. I passed well enough to be called a male in public, but whenever people care enough, like the Sturniolos fanbase, they will look for all my socials, and they’ll know.
A million thoughts ran through my head, but they were all cleared out once I heard Nick call my name again.
“Y/n? babe? you okay?” he asked, shaking my shoulder gently.
“hm? oh- yeah. sorry. i zoned out,” i chuckled a little. “could you repeat the question?” i asked, and nick complied.
The rest of the video went by pretty smoothly, since I was occupied with thinking deeply at all the odd questions Nick was asking us, and laughing at the out of pocket jokes from matt and chris.
We recorded for about an hour more, knowing that more than half of the footage would just be cut out in editing. Matt screeched into the camera, before shutting it off, and handing it to Nick, and starting the car.
Matt drove all of us to the triplets house, since I just stayed there often with them anyways. we walked inside, and Nick and I went up to his room to edit the video.
I caught myself giggling at the stupid jokes and the annoying bickering, but I cant lie, we’re pretty funny.
“this video has to be posted today,” Nick sighed, only a little bit into the editing. “I hate it when they wont film until the ‘night’ of. It’s 2:34 AM, and the video needs to be up by 4:30..” Nick sighed.
He looked over at me, noticing i was growing increasingly more tired.
“get some sleep, baby.” Nick smiled, kissing my forehead. I complied, before crawling into his bed, falling asleep there.
I woke up again, and it just so happened to be 5:00 PM, somehow. I always sleep throughout the whole day, so i wasn’t really surprised.
I yawned, before staying in Nick’s bed, allowing myself to wake up. I checked my phone, which normally has none to five notifications, but this time, i had well over a thousand.
My eyebrows furrowed; and i quickly shot up. I scrolled through the notifs, to see comments on my old instagram and tiktok posts,
“Awe! Nick’s boyfriend is so cute!”
|_ “replying to : @— ‘boyfriend? i thought nick was gay. this is disgusting.’”
“That’s gross. She changed her name and claimed to be a boy. Fucking gross. Grow up.”
|_ “replying to : @— ‘HE is a boy. He always has been, he just realized it, and is now brave enough to show it. let him be.’”
“Thats not even a boy💀”
“Nick could’ve done so much better and actually got himself a big strong MAN.”
“shes so ugly wth.”
“Nick needs to realize that he could do so much better than her. he needs to raise his standards because what the fuck.”
“guys, her name is y/d/n, not y/n!”
Each comment broke my heart. Sure, there were a few sweet ones, supporting nick and i, but the horrible degrading ones outweigh those by a long shot.
I felt my eyes start to water as i scrolled through the comments. I didn’t want to see them, but i couldn’t stop looking.
I felt the tears start to roll down my cheeks, as i looked through the comments.
I stopped looking through comments i was tagged in, and began looking through my instagram DM’s. Fuck. These were worse.
“kill yourself you stupid fag.”
“nick doesn’t want you, tranny.”
“kill yourself before i kill you.”
“don’t corrupt nick you disgusting freak.”
“i promise you, nick hates you.”
“why’d he pick you. he could’ve had me😂”
I let out small silent sobs, throwing my phone on the ground. I heard a pair of feet running up the stairs to Nick’s room, before the door flew open.
“shit- what happened? fuck, y/n, whats wrong?” Chris’ eyes widened as he saw the scene in front of him. My phone broken on the floor, and i was sobbing into my knees on Nick’s bed.
I nodded, and chris immediately ran by my side.
“he’s out with Matt- ill call him. im staying here with you until he gets here, okay?” he placed his hand on my back. he quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket, calling nick. i didnt understand what he said, because i wasn’t paying attention. i just need nick.
Nick. thats all i want. He’s all i need.
“hey.. please, talk to me.” Chris spoke softly, putting his phone back in his pocket. “what happened, buddy?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing, his hand never leaving my back.
Thats when i realized, i wasn’t wearing my binder. Normally, not wearing my binder at my own house, or even the triplets, doesn’t bother me, but as i read through all those comments, calling me a girl, i couldn’t help but feel disappointed in myself.
I looked down at my chest, and started crying harder. I couldn’t breathe. fuck- i’m having a panic attack.
“n-nick- i- i need n-nick!” i gasped, quickly sitting up.
“hey- hey, it’s okay. Nicks almost here, okay? I need you to take deep breaths, okay?” Chris panicked. I panted, rocking back and fourth on nicks bed.
I knew Chris was trying to help, but i needed Nick.
We heard the door bust open, and nick and matt both ran up the stairs, to me and Chris.
“baby, my baby..” Nick’s eyebrows furrowed, as he rushed to my side. He pulled me into a hug, and looked at chris as he held me. “what happened, chris?” Nick asked, trying to raise his voice, knowing it would make things worse.
“I- i dont know! I heard a bang and crying- so, i ran up here and he was crying! he wouldnt tell me anything, besides he wanted you! i- i didnt know what to do so i called you!” Chris spoke worriedly.
I looked over at matt, his jaw clenched, as he fiddled with his own hands. his eyes glossy. Matt’s dealt with his own panic attacks, and seeing someone he cared about was probably hard for him.
“i- i-m sorry-“ i stuttered out to Matt, who had a worried expression plastered on his face. he didn’t say a word. I cant hurt matt, too.
“huh? baby, what are you sorry for?” nick asked me, pulling back slightly from the hug, to look me in the eyes.
“m-matt-“ i sobbed, and nicks head snapped towards matt, who’s chest was moving rapidly, his eyes wide.
“fuck, chris, get him out of here, please. go sit with him on the couch or something- calm him down. I got y/n,” nick gestured towards matt, and chris immediatly did as he was told.
“shh, baby. i’ve got you. You’re okay.” Nick whispered, pulling me into him. i focused on the heat radiating off of his body, his vanilla scent, and the way his soft hoodie felt on my skin. My sobs slightly subsided, and i could finally think straight again.
“My love.. i love you. so much. do you want to talk about it?” Nick offered, and placed a loving kiss on my forehead, as he brushed my hair out of my face.
“your f-fans.. they called me a girl..” i sniffled, and his gaze sofened, and he looked like he was about to cry.
“you are not a girl. you never have been, and never will be. you’re my boy.” Nick sighed, placing a soft kiss to my lips.
His boy.
I’m his boy.
I WASNT SURE IF THIS WAS A GOOD ENDING OR NOT BUT IDK I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE.
writing the dms and comments BROKE me.
@bernardenjoyer @lovely-calypso
#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#fanfic#christopher sturniolo#fluff#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#angst
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Guess whos back... Back again... Shady-
Let me stop okay fuck uhm
WELCOME TO MY INTRO AGAIN BUT LIKE THIS ONE IS BETTER
My name is Mono but I cant settle on one name online (i have... a list of names...) (which grows if I hear a name i think sounds cool and ultimately wanna steal immediately) (none of you are safe beware) ANYWAY yeahz I'll write down the names in the comments when I'm done if I feel like it
Also yeah I'm trans + pansexual, my prns are he/him & they/them, and im a minor(ity)
INTERESTS AND SHI
Games : Cry of Fear, Sally Face, Little Misfortune, Little Nightmares, Fran Bow, Mouthwashing, Yandere Simulator, Class of '09 (the flipside can BURN), DDLC, and uh uh yeah i can't think of any more rn maybe I'll edit this one day
Shows, TV, Movies, etc : Scream franchise(including Scary Movie), DHMIS(youtube series ver., haven't watched the recent tv show), Thanksgiving, Smile, Sixth Sense, Spiderverse movies, I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Owl House, The Black Phone
True Crime Community : Artyom & Nikita, Columbine, Zodiac, Dahmer, Jack da Rippa👅👅👅 LMAO okay anyway, (i am relatively new to the tcc... its just leik any crime right? So I can mention people like Robert Pickton or Fred & Rose West? neat ok) ROBERT PICKTON, FRED & ROSE WEST, lmao..., uh Ted Bundy, Menendez brothers, I have briefly seen stuff abt Adam Lanza, Alyssa, etc but haven't read abt them/watched documentaries or anything... OH ALSO THE 2 PPL THAT KILLED UH BRIANNA GHEY I FORGOT THEIR NAMES (edit: somehow forgot John Wayne Gacy?? I LITERALLY LISTEN TO A BAND W HIM AS AN ALBUM COVER AM I RETARDED....)
Music : i changed my spotify recently but here's the link to my (unfinished) main playlist
General Interests : I LOVVEEE caffeine so much its a problem, rainy weather, stuff like tumblr, discord, spacehey, etc, collecting trinkets, cosplay(?)(i don't do it often but I've done fem!simon Henriksson & Shaggy 2 Dope, and Nezuko but that was like 2022 and I dont watch anime often anymore), I wanna get into playing guitar, i write stuff sometimes, read obvi, silly willy design/architecture games that i find, i draw💯💯💯, uhm.mgmgmm... yah.. ALSO I READ WEBTOON SOMETIMES!! SBG, JD, VF, SS, ALLAT(if ur curious abt those go 2 my asks and I'll say the actual name im lazy and this section is long af)
DNI LIST!!!
EDIT:: DNI list is kinda stupid idgaf if you interact and are any of these but i probably will not like you + won't respond
Racists, homophobes+transphobes, pedos, anti-para, people who r sensitive to gore, blood, crime, etc, people who defo abuse that report button (js block me istg<3), people on shblr & edblr who shame others for depth and weight, basic DNI's ig?
Boundaries!
Simple stuff tbh, like just dont harass me or my friends, followers, yk, don't be rude for no reason(jokes and such are fine like if u have a tone indicator n stuff or the person is ok w it)
Asks, comments, etc are fine as long as they aren't requesting personal info e.g real name, phone num, yk the drill allat stuff
Anons, pretty pls use emojis so ik what asks are from u, or if u dont wanna signing ur nicknames or alias is fine too
Paraphilia/Kink/IDK? (I may post this stuff in the future, like on my old acc w sh pics)
Necrophilia(im anti-contact to clarify, jus fantasies), blood, knives, self h4rm, su1cide, gore, etc stuff like that ig
WHO I WANNA MEET!!!
Literally anyone who has similar interests n is respectful lmao, I don't rlly block unless i REALLY dont like you so feel free to ask 2 be moots n stuff
OK BYEEEYEYEYEYTE
- Mono
#tee cee cee#gore lover#cw gore#tcc tumblr#cannibalposting#cw guro#teeceecee#mass killers#cw blood#intro post#introduction#me#blog intro#introductory post#pinned intro#Spotify
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[UPDATED]
28/12/24 (about me - relationship status)
NEW INTRO BLOG HERE YO!!!
please read this - Melon
Yo!! It's Melon here obvs-
Made this new introduction because I hated the old one augh, but anyways here we go..-
EDITED:
TO ANY PEOPLE WHO WRITE SMUT AND YOU SEE ME LIKE THE POST, I AM SO SORRY! I'M JUST TRYING TO SCROLL BUT MY PHONE WON'T LET ME SO I END UP LIKING UR STORIES ON ACCIDENT, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY
ABOUT ME!!!
Name: Melon/M3L0N/Meloub/Mel/Meli
Age: 14
Height: short
Gender: Female (Watermelon)/silly
Sexuality: Bisexual (+mentally unstable for fictional men)
Relationship Status: Taken (???)
Status: Alive and Well
Shawty down bad for big buff juicy mk men
[WILL GET UPDATED]
GOALS!!
- To one day have someone draw me MK1 Johnny giving me a rose
- Become Tumblr Famous
- Be the bestest friend ever :]
- Get a Kuai Liang [MK1] cosplay
- LEARN HOW TO DRAW MK1 JOHNNY AND KENSHI'S HAIR
- Become a better editor + artist
- Make music/songs
TAGS
- When I draw [#melon art]
- When I talk to friends [#melon has friends]
- My stuff I post and made [#meet the goober] [#melondareaper]
- When I talk or rant [#melon talks]
- When I reblog my MK husbands<3 [#melons pookies]
- When I make an edit [#melon edits]
- When I make a tired post [#melon wants Johnny Cage to hug]
FICTIONAL CRUSHES (cuz y not?)
- Johnny Cage [MK1 + MK11 + MK9]
- Kenshi Takahashi [MK1] (Jeriko plz don't kill me)
- Shang Tsung [MK1]
- Liu Kang [MK1 + MK11]
- Kung Lao [MK1 + MK11]
- Syzoth/Sy-Zy/Reptile [MK1]
- Raiden [MK1]
- Kitana [MK1]
- Tank Dempsey [COD BO1 - BO4]
- Keegan Russ [COD Ghosts]
- Johnny "Soap" MacTavish [COD OG MW2 + MW3] [NEW MW1 - MW3]
- Arthur Morgan [RDR2]
- Scout [TF2]
- Centurion [FOR HONOR]
- Warden [FOR HONOR]
- Lawbringer [FOR HONOR]
-Conqueror [FOR HONOR]
- Orochi [FOR HONOR]
- Ghostface [SCREAM MOVIES + MK1]
INTERESTS!!!
-COD (MW, BLACK OPS, GHOSTS)
-TF2 (maybe)
-FNAF
- MK1 + MK11 + MKX
[WILL GET UPDATED]
FAV SONGS!!
- Prepare Yourself (Johnny Cage) - The Immortals
- Techno Syndrome - The Immortals
- That's So Us - Allie X
-RUNRUNRUN - Dutch Melrose
-Beauty Of Annihilation - Kevin Sherwood + Elena Siegman
[WILL GET UPDATED]
FAV GAME CHARACTERS!!!
-Tank Dempsey + Nikolai Belinski [Ultimus and Primis] (COD BO1-BO4)
-Soldier + Engineer (TF2)
-Shadow The Hedgehog (SONIC)
-Centurion + Warden + Lawbringer (FOR HONOR)
-Soap MacTavish (MW1-MW3) (Both OG + New)
-Alex Mason + Frank Woods (COD BO1-BO2)
-Keegan Russ (COD GHOSTS)
-Bonnie (FNAF 1-7) (all Bonnies apart from TB)
-Johnny Cage [MK1 + MK11]
-Scorpion [MK1 + MK11]
-Kung Lao [MK1 + MK11]
-Raiden [MK1]
[WILL GET UPDATED]
FAVOURITE SHIPS!!!
Johnshi [MK1]
CageBlade [MK11]
Taleena [MK1]
Syzoth X Smoke [MK1] (idk ship name :{)
Ashzoth [MK1]
Boots + Bombs [TF2]
Helmet Party [TF2]
Ghoap [COD MW]
DNI!!
-Pedos
-Perverts
-Homophobics, Transphobics etc
-Z00s
-35+ (13-30 is okay just don't be weird pls!! I'm a minor!! and don't act weird if you are younger than me either by asking weird stuff etc)
[WILL GET UPDATED]
INTERACTIONS!!
-Any sexuality and gender
-13 to 30
-People who need a friend :3
-Anons (other Anons like magic Anons and etc are allowed!!)
-RP blogs
[WILL GET UPDATED]
THINGS U CAN DO!!
-Reblog
-DM me
-Send asks
-Art requests (won't respond quickly tho)
-Edit Requests
[WILL GET UPDATED]
THINGS U CANT DO!!
-NSFW asks
-Harrassment
-Suggestive talking (aka being weird)
-Spam (it's okay if you spam by reblogging, just don't spam likes and comments pls!)
[WILL GET UPDATED]
THE END!!!
I will add more things to this intro blog sometime but otherwise I hope you all have a good day and stay safe :)
SONG RECOMMENDATION!!
#introduction#meet the goober#spotify#soundcloud#red melon#sillyposting#im bored#important#about me#SoundCloud#Spotify#melondareaper
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My Story <3
Tw: suicide,Sh,self-hate
Hey yall so I never really talk about my personal life on here but i feel like I owe everyone an explanation.
Within the past two years I have recovered from SH, and an attempted suicide, it was half ass but it was still an attempt. I was playing fast and loose with my life because I thought there was nothing left of it. I hated myself and how I looked, How I always felt so depressed the way my relationships with friends and family always seemed to fall apart but most of all I hated myself.
Im not sure exactly when it happened but about one year ago I met someone. She had similar interests as me and understood me on a personal level and even though we had lived completely different experiences she was there for me. We started talking more and more and I found out she lived Hours away from me in a completely different country, but I accepted our distance and created our connection. She helped me see that my life was very much so worth living. This girl was harley @dwntwn-strnlo
About four months later the only friends I was talking with in person blew up on me with fake excuses about why we shouldnt be friends, one had stolen some of my clothes as well as some of my money. It hurt more not because they left me but because I trusted them and they betrayed me, They left me out to dry and I reconnected with an old friend from middle school, M.
M helped me to realize that my emotional connection to people isnt a downfall but my strong suit. My intense passion love and energy I give to the world only makes me more beautiful not more weak.
Then M introduced me to S. And S is the most kind and gentle and loving people ive ever met. She reflected me in every sense of my love for others. S helped me to realize that just because someone else doesnt agree doesnt mean I cant formulate and stand up for my own opinions.
The three of us became very close and talked nearly everyday. Im not sure exactly when or why, but one day I decided to pull out my phone and film one of our lunches. Me,M and S all really hit it off we loved being in front of the camera and it almost just felt like the camera wasnt even there.
So we kept filming and that night I went home to edit our very first video and I posted it on an old youtube channel. I touched it up and added pretty colours and tried to make it more asethetic and I stayed up all night working on that first video.
And it got 13 views. And a hate comment. And then youtube took it down. But we didnt care. We kept hussling and we never stopped filming and i havent lost passion in the past half year weve been filming, I even branched off to start my own youtube channel because I love it so much.
I know I dont share much with you all and you dont even know my name, but I felt that where I was today was something i needed to share. My group doesnt have very many subscribers and im okay with that as long as it means I get to keep doing something I love.
so unfortunately I have been putting a lot less time and a LOT less effort into my writing. Im in my senior year of highschool and its all or nothing. I really want to do youtube as a career but i understand the sucsess rate is low, I have a backup plan but ill never be as happy as I am when im in front of the camera filming one of our youtube videos.
So I wanted to apologize to those of you who have been waiting for me to post but its very unlikely that i will be posting many or frequent fics anymore im not saying Im stopping im just slowing down. Its been a rough couple of years but ive finally found something I can pour my heart into. I hope yall understand I love yall so much seriously youve given me so much support<3
Love,
matthewmurdockswife <3
Please never hesitate to talk to me about anything through my inbox or my dms <3
@dwntwn-strnlo @fenoy7 @sturnioloshacker @lvrsparadise @querenciasturniolo
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hi im bored again
hiiiii i am too. im deciding whether or not to have some ice cream at 1:30 am. im getting close to getting caught up in the novel i started and im so scareds. the really frustrating plot stuff is over i think. there was a separation arc and i wanted to throw my phone at the wall. the kid gets kinda annoying honestly but i think back to myself and six and remember i was worse. i cant work with kids i had to volunteer with five year olds and could feel my spirit leaving my body. they wanted me to play tag constantly so i just laid down on the ground and pretended to be dead. they started kicking me. also another time they tied me to the swingset and i was happy because i could just stand there. i also tied them to the swingset but they made sure i was secure. kids are cute but im not built to deal with them.
yknow that baby i posted about the other day with the big head. i shouldnt ever meet him bevause i will start laughing in his and his mothers face. his heads so large. it makes me laugh. i made an edit where he was blue and my mom and grandma got mad at me. i was losing it over him at christmas dinner and my family was disapproving. my extended family had probably never seen me laugh that hard i only laugh at stupid shit. yeah im gonna have ice cream
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stumbled upon ur blog after finding an old post, glad ur doing well and congrats on ur baby girl :) i cant help but wonder ur thoughts on liam’s passing?
oh my gosh, hello! thank you so, so much 🤍 i know this response is very late, i only really come back to tumblr when i watch a new media and want to consume all the edits/drawings, so i missed this when it first came through.
liam’s passing was heartbreaking. i had just finished feeding my daughter when i looked at my phone and had several messages saying he’d died, with all the news articles having come out only ~45 minutes prior. it shocked me completely. i didn’t cry (thanks to the antidepressants i’m on after being diagnosed with postpartum anxiety), but i remember how overwhelming the sorrow was. i hadn’t kept up with any members of one direction outside of the songs i’d heard on the radio, although i was aware of liam’s struggles with sobriety as well as a few of the controversial statements he’d made over the past several years. although i didn’t keep up with them, i truly wanted him to have a redemption — if not for himself, then for his son.
i have a one direction mug that was gifted to me in 2012 that we still have in our cupboard, that we always jokingly use when we make people a coffee or tea when they visit. it’s from that one photoshoot that was used for every merchandise back in the day. it’s wild to me that now when my daughter asks about the mug and who one direction were, it isn’t going to end on a positive note of a full 5-man reunion. instead i’m going to have to explain how one of them passed, and show her all the songs that started with liam solos and say how these songs would never sound right even if a 4-man reunion occurred.
i know that liam went wayward over the past few years, and the details of his death are harrowing in that no person should meet their end like that — but i’ve found peace in remembering how much i adored him when i was 15-18 and the person he was then, and letting that be the memory i hold of him.
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Writing Patterns
Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern!
Tagged by: @doggernaut and @montrealmadison my besties!!! I am so touched!!!!! and aren't we lucky that I just hit 10 posted fics?? And because I can't stop yapping, I put a little note about each of them.
austin (check, please!, bitty/jack)
"Jack comes to Georgia like a summer thunderstorm."
(this one is alternately titled 'I went through a lot of breakups last year and got into country line dancing and it shows')
call of the champions (check, please!, lardo/camilla)
"It’s Lardo and her board."
(THE FUCKING FIC. I AM SO PROUD OF HER. and also I bought a sick salt late city 2002 olympics leather jacket because of it and it's basically my whole personality)
creation myth (check, please!, bitty/jack)
"It goes like this."
(this is me and @montrealmadison's magnum opus, and I learned how to bind books just to immortalize it)
sloshed with gold (check, please!, bitty/jack)
"Jack’s phone starts ringing halfway through his Tuesday morning jog."
(if you like nhl!bitty and photographer!jack, she's your jam. not sure if I will ever like the way I wrote this one but eyyyyyy it exists)
rocket man (voltron, keith/lance)
"The fireflies were flickering above Keith’s dark hair to light the path. He stood on the porch as Lance looked out from the doorway. There was a moment of silence. “You will help me keep him here this time, won’t you?” he asked."
(I won't apologize for voltron. I am too far past the shame. i wrote a paper on voltron queerbaiting and it got me into college. I owe her everything.)
season of the witch (check, please!, bitty/jack)
"Sometimes, Bitty gets carried away with baking."
(um fun fact there's apparently been a typo in the first line of this one for the last THREE YEARS ?????? its fixed now but dear god. I would delete this if it didn't have the second most hits of any check please fic i've written. I cant reread it it makes me want to die.)
don't waste another mile or minute (not kissing me) (voltron, keith/lance)
"Light. An unusual amount of light. Keith throws his elbow over his face as he peels his eyes open, wincing as the sun blasts through an open window."
(an OLD banger that I wrote at my first internship because it was so boring. some clever lines but my writing has improved tenfold since 2018)
and all I can taste is this moment (voltron, adam/shiro)
"There is absolutely nothing like flying, Takashi Shirogane, sixteen, almost-professional pilot, assumes. He assumes because he hasn’t been allowed to fly (yet), but if the simulator gives him any idea of what flight is like, Shiro is going to be hungry for it for the rest of his life."
(my magnum opus before creation myth, and the longest thing I've ever written (48k). yall ever yolo on a rarepair and write a biblically accurate cold war fic? no? just me? ok.)
last sunrise in the wasteland (voltron, keith/lance)
"The first time that Keith kisses Lance, the sky is the color of cotton candy. "
(this is my fic with the most hits which is great except there's a softcore porn scene in it I forgot about and subsequently subjected my grandpa to when he was reading it and making edits for me. so now it makes me want to die a little thinking about that. no he never brought it up.)
In my veins (carry on, baz/simon)
"On the worst day, Baz wakes up in Simon’s arms, the cursed tattoo glaring at him in the morning sunshine. Simon is still passed out, body curled into Baz, chestnut curls bouncing with each heady breath. The mark bitten onto his neck from the night before flashing like a highway sign on his neck."
(once someone bookmarked this with the tag 'out of character' and it has haunted me every single fucking day since I read that. WHY DID THEY BOOKMARK IT IF THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT. sorry it drives me crazy. I DONT UNDERSTAND.)
Tagging (no pressure, and anyone else can also jump in!): @justlookfrightened @bittysthesis @chaoskiro @zimbits-my-love @parseisflat @a-very-gay-disaster @dessertwaffles
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"Ignored Blessing" (1/?)
since im bored ill put lore here :3 oh and the numbers are not errors i put it there on purpose, the story will be confusing but trust the process, i don't wanna reveal the true plot yet soooo i might double post
Harem x Reader
Warnings: Derealization
you always thought of yourself as an average person you don't know a lot of people you have a few friends and you have a job at a cafe shop you loved working there since the smell of coffee always relaxes you. You barely remember the events in your high school since it had been a long time since the last time you talked to any of your friends
You dont even remember if you even went to high school you barely remember your past too its like you just woke up and exist its strange all you remembered was a few friends from your childhood but you dont remember any person in your past that isnt related to them
You felt like you know nothing else in the past and only the present memories you have now
you woke up, what day was it? it was strange you were just dozing off and then you were back where you were, you shrug it off as just your imagination there was no way that was possible you thought it was just a dream you stood up from your bed getting ready for the day as you did you look down at your hands and squinting your eyes
am i real?
you start to look around you, you lived alone since you moved out of your parents house...parents? you don't remember their faces or names where was your home town? you don't remember...what was your favorite fruit? color? how old where you? you look down at your clothes, you wear the same clothes everyday but strangely enough you don't smell, did you even sleep last night? it feels like your repeating what you do everyday you just now noticed that, how come?
Nothing feels...real everything looked the same you wake up get ready for the day go to work and go home over and over again you were like programed to repeat the same things everyday when was the last time you didn't just go to work? you never remember having any fun it was like...you were a NPC
you look at your hands again your vision slowly getting blurry as you drag your legs to your room, you plop down your bed and close your eyes, you sigh your eyes slowly closing again as you slowly fall asleep you realized-
01010011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111
looking at his paper, his room messy with papers around his room it was a messy scene as he sat on the floor staring at the blank paper thats writing on its own, he stared at the paper with shock the letter was writing on its own he shakily took the chair that he had threw earlier that was still in tact he stared at the paper
he blinked the character he wrote that he had already forgotten about was questioning its own existence it was a bizarre his gaze went from fear to interest. He slowly lift the paper stops writing on its own he blinked raising a brow, strange.
he put it back down and then its starts to write on its own again he instead starts to read what its doing, it was questioning its own life, he thought that he had threw away this one, it wasn't getting as popular as the other things he made so it was useless to keep it around any longer.
he picked up the paper once more and it stopped writing again. He carefully put it on his pocket and starts to clean up his room, after all he had more important things to write than focus on the one he threw away it was irrelevant now.
AAAAAAA i hope you guys liked it im not that good with writing and plots, this ones short so ill make the other part longer, i type slower at my computer soooo have a nice day/night
And for those whos waiting for the diamond reader x sagau it will come around soon please have patience with me T^T i get really random idea in my head so i cant really focus on one thing-
Edit: Reading this in my phone is actually very small, i have to make the part 2 longer
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POOKIE now that the album has been out for a while what are your fav songs????
me personnally i cant pick they all already mean sm to me😭😭
once i saw it was a DOUBLE ALBUM i decided to wait till i had enough time to listen in full so i will listen right now and pull a you and give live ratings! (skip to the bottom for an overall feeling)
fortnight 8/10 - this is so ex coded holy “i love you and it’s ruining my life” literally of her relationships at some point, wow. i will say that post is an interesting collab for this type of song but i don’t hate it
the tortured poets department 6/10 - i liked the bridge (i think that’s what it is) the best. lyrically it’s good but not my fave and saying that ab the title track i hope doesn’t get me yelled at by anyone
my boy only breaks his favorite toys 9/10 - i claimed this one from the tracklist so i knew i was gonna like it. the best she stays with as she sings the title is perfect for an edit
down bad 7.5/10 - i didn’t expect her to come out cussing at me, okay ms swift. not a skip but not a daily listen either. crying at the gym is relatable though
so long, london 8/10 - i used this as a fic title lol but the cadence really shows how angry/tired she was by the time they split. the lyrics here are so powerful too. her imagery is always so beautiful
but daddy i love him 6/10 - idk why but this just doesn’t resonate with me the way i thought it would. still good though but i wouldn’t save it turn it on from my own phone
fresh out the slammer 9/10- having that one person who is your immediate thought, the driving force behind you, your everything is all i want and that yearning keeps me up at night
florida!! 4/10- nothing about this song drew me in 🫣
guilty as sin? 8/10 - “i choose you and me religiously” so matt murdock coded
who’s afraid of little old me? 10/10 - SO ex coded and rep coded “i was gentle, i was tame till the circus life made me mean” or “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me” TELL ME THAT ISNT OUR GIRL EXODUS
i can fix him (no really i can) 6.5/10 - me with every fictional man i come across the “ woah, maybe i can’t” at the end is crazy, basically agreeing that he was such a mess but i was hoping to like this one a little more
loml 9/10- joe put her through it, holy shit
i can do it with a broken heart 10/10 - immediately can tell she was writing about herself performing from another perspective and i love the juxtaposition of a pop-dance type beat with these tougher lyrics “i cry a lot but im so productive” is literally me
the smallest man who ever lived 7.8/10 - the title feels like the inverse of the “loudest woman this town has ever seen” lyric and to me, it really highlights got she was always this icon whereas he was always ducking and dodging and not willing to live in that spotlight with her
the alchemy 5/10 - i feel like the message of this song went right over my head
clara bow 6/10 - it’s a cute song that (i think) documents the growth of her career and maybe the comparisons/comments she gotten as she’s worked and how people compare new stars to her
the black dog 5/10- it doesn’t really resonate with me
imgonnagetyouback 8.5/10 - is this the one some people are saying is similar to get him back! by liv? bc the only similarity i hear is the concept of not knowing if you’re gonna rekindle or beat the shit out of your ex
the albatross 8.5/10 - it’s like she knows exodus and elektra. “she is here to destroy you” but i think this is another way of her reclaiming her image/reputation through acknowledging and challenging what men/media say about her
chloe or sam or sophia or marcus 8.8/10 - honestly idk what ab this song but it’s so beautiful. i can’t explain it but its like a ballroom dance
how did it end? 9/10 - this song gives the vibes of a movie scene where two people are on swings at the night and then suddenly, one swing is empty (but still going) and the other person is just teetering on their toes
so high school 5/10 - gives me early ts vibes and it’s cute but not really me
i hate it here 7/10- not my favorite but i do like the beat
thanK you aIMee 6/10 - this is directed at KIM or am i tripping? also the guitar reminds me of debut era for some reason
i look in peoples windows 7.5/10 - this song is yearning, wanting to see that person just one more time and its me wondering if i’ll see my ex again, just to know what’d happen if he saw me again after everything he’s said to me
the prophecy 9/10 - i really love the chorus
cassandra 5/10 - didn’t really stick out to me and became background noise 🫣
peter 7.8/10 - its really cute and ik it’s probably more of a peter pan reference but the editors need to get on it and do peter x mj
the bolter 8.7/10 - i was not reviled by anyone except my own father so (we’re better now though) but i do run from intimacy
robin 6/10 - slow, sweet, cute little song
the manuscript 9/10- instantly loved it (forgot what else i wanted to say here)
overall, is a lyrically beautiful album. there’s so much emotion in the music and her delivery. her imagery is so beautiful as always. personally, i won’t say i love it but it is so so impactful. releasing 31 songs in one project is unheard of so i tip my hat to her ability to tell these stories with such grace and eloquence through such a marathon of an album. i like that you can hear bits of her previous albums in some of the songs and it is a very mature project imo. you can tell how much this meant to her and how much of herself she’s poured out. its an overall ~7.8/10 for me but i would recommend everyone to give it a listen
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