#documenting

[thesensitiveleo]

✂️💅🏾

[mysticcupcakeprince]

junk journaling🌺

[tatanote]

Day 15 - 31 Jan 2025

Core Report:

Hours spent: 5h 10m

Completed tasks: 12 tasks

Free Reading: The Woman in the Dunes, by Kōbō Abe

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about where I am and where I’m headed—dealing with setbacks, trying to regain my footing, and making sense of it all. I’m writing about breaking out of autopilot, finding small wins, and slowly piecing things together again. And in the end, like in my previous short posts, I will mention three good things about the day and a song.

It's been over a month since I last wrote here, and I'm finally here to do what I promised. I spent most of this time in the hospital because of my grandfather's deteriorating health, and he's still not fully recovered. I hope this cycle of unexpected appointments will wrap up within the next two weeks, depending on his condition. Originally, I had planned to post daily updates on my studies for 30 days, and I’m restarting that now. But honestly, I feel like I should put my energy into bigger goals and more meaningful updates—especially in real life. Small dopamine boosts from tiny achievements are nice, but investing time and energy in something substantial feels more rewarding. Don't you think so?

At this point, the only reason I see for continuing these updates is my commitment to that 30-day goal I set for myself. But I do enjoy the social interactions that come with them—even if it’s just seeing a little tapping heart from a friend-like blog. Working alone can feel isolating, and sharing my work here gives me some sense of connection. Maybe that’s part of why I keep doing it.

The next challenge is getting back up after setbacks. For nearly two years, I felt like I was dead—not literally, but close enough. One day, I looked around and saw how much negativity had taken over my mind. I wasn’t exercising, wasn’t taking care of myself, was withdrawing from people, and was jeopardizing my own stability. No one wants bad outcomes, but it’s so easy to slip into autopilot and let life just happen to you. So I started working on my struggles, bit by bit. My biggest recent success? Lowering my BDC grade—the scale used to measure depression. How? It involved a lot of effort, many small steps, and countless failures. I want to write a full blog post on that someday, in case it might help someone else.

The first thing I worked on was building a safe and warm space inside my mind. When I finally recognized myself in the darkness, I realized how long it had been since I truly lived. Why wasn’t I dreaming like before? Why wasn’t I playing? Why had I given up my fighting spirit? Why wasn’t I paying attention to the world’s beauty like I used to? Why wasn’t I chasing wonder? Why was I avoiding the things I loved? Why wasn’t I taking care of my health? These questions, as always, sparked something in me. Of course, they weren’t the only things that helped me get here, but they were part of the process.

I don’t know about you, but curiosity has always been my guiding light—even in my darkest moods. It reaches for me at just the right moment, like an extended hand. That was another sign. So I started experimenting—moving toward the light in spontaneous but intentional ways, and even creating my own artificial light when I needed to. Since my last update on January 5th, until now, February 2nd, I’ve seen both small and big changes within myself. I can see them in my steps, in my shadow, in the way I process sadness, and in how I interact with my patterns. But it’s still not enough. My wounds are still active, still producing something within me. And I still don’t present the kind of social image that makes me feel like I’ve truly arrived anywhere yet.

I need to find a proper job and return to academic studies. A job—because I need money. I don’t want to be homeless, constantly worrying about food and rent. And education—because, no matter what else I am, deep down, a Ravenclaw lives inside me. If I’m not learning, I wither. My heart aches for the core of who I am.

There are more reasons too.

I want to listen to more amazing pieces of music.

I want to visit unknown places.

I want to meet more fascinating people.

I want to discover better books.

I want to taste more delicious food.

I want to complete more tasks and improve my skills and knowledge.

I want to understand myself better and deeper.

I want to give something back to the world and be of some use.

I want to experience more of nature’s marvels.

I want to love and be loved in return.

I want to fall into a well-earned, satisfied sleep after days filled with passion and excitement.

I want to ... ♾️

This post ended up being brutally honest. I hope it wasn’t too much. More than that, I hope it was useful in some way. Maybe someone will read this and feel a little less alone. And yes, in the end, we fight for ourselves and for the things we care about. It's possible to reach sunrise, even after the darkest nights, by using only our bare hands.

Also—sorry for the way I use English. I still have a long way to go before my sentences flow effortlessly.

Three Good/Beautiful Things of the Day

I got a scarf from my grandmother, soft and white like a feather. It feels like a magical charm that gives me strength.

I left my books on a hospital waiting room chair while speaking to the nurse. When I returned, the patients’ companions were reading them. It made me happy to have unknowingly encouraged them to pick up a book.

It was midnight, and the streets were empty and soaked from the rain. Walking felt good, and the taste of hot chocolate made it even better.

[sangronxx]

Todays journal entry

[miaeons]

ill never get it to look as good as my grl olgha gets it ✂️

[8uttersc0tch]

[reality-detective]

The infamous... "They"

The most obvious sign of someone that has not been down a single rabbit hole, is when they ask you ‘Who are ‘they’?’ The answer can only be: ‘How long do you have?’

The truth is, that in most instances, the answer is simply too long, too complex and probably too ‘incomplete’, to properly address the matter. How far back or deep should one go?

I’ve been able to distill the concept of ‘They’ to: ‘Satan’s Ambassadors on Earth’, but depending on the audience, I usually sum it up as ‘Those who rule the world, the cabal, deep state, illuminati, government, the rich and elite, the world economic forum, the UN, and as George Carlin put it the BIG club.'

‘They’ is not only made up of the pinnacle of the pyramid, it’s also their executive branches, their puppet leaders and all the useful idiots that knowingly or unknowingly help to further their agenda of absolute control and enslavement of humanity.

At the beginning of this journey, when you first realize the depth of the deception and the satanic nature of their plans and means, you are overcome with an overwhelming need for justice and revenge.

You pray that one day there will be divine justice, for the only punishment that would fit the crime would be to rot in hell for eternity.

I still pray that it will be so, and I will continue to work to raise awareness to the manipulation and the crimes, but as you keep evolving along this path towards truth, you realize that our mission is not to kill the ‘beast’, but simply to stop feeding it.

Our mission is to unplug, to disconnect, to disengage from the ‘system’, from the matrix, until the ‘beast’ implodes from within.

Counterintuitively, our only ‘attack’ strategy, is to withdraw. Withdraw our focus, withdraw our consent, withdraw our cooperation, withdraw our compliance and most of all, we must withdraw the energy it feeds from: our belief and fear.

Their power is an illusion fed by our own ignorant belief that they have it, but the most important truth you will uncover along this journey, is that WE hold the power, we always have, we just didn’t know it. But now we do.

The ‘They’ are doomed the day more of us finally understand what 'They' are doing.

[the-solitary-cyclist]

Autumn in Warsaw 🐿️🍂

[nimayndolo]

lil thoughts 10262024

[sommeronasolitarybeach]

 château de Versailles, France, July 2023

Instagram!

[onemillennia]

Kiyus at 15K’s studio session

Photography by Ayedatsmanny

Shot on Sony Handycam VHS (night vision)

December 2024

ONE MILLENNIA MAGAZINE DECEMBER 24’

[thesensitiveleo]

[ayedatsmanny]

“got a hemp?”

My boy Risky caught on 35mm at Adwoa’s performance at UMD.

Beautiful performance by the way

Shot on Tmax 400 film on canon sureshot 85 tele

[tatanote]

Day 9 & 10 - 24 & 25 Dec 2024

These past two days, my study hours were zero. I feel a bit upset about it, but it wasn’t something I could avoid. Positively, I could write 5,000+ words and read some books. That's about all I have to say.

How would I face my sorrows and demons if it weren't for art or literature?

Hope you’ve had a day where you accomplished your important tasks.

[saintflint]

anyfuckingway. smallest moth i ever knew this morning.