#but i can't make myself shrink them

[spocks-kaathyra]

.

[girlscience]

um ACTUALLY how much do I have to suffer before it's okay to want to change something?? like fuck I don't know whether I only want breast reduction or top surgery, but I am not evil for wanting either one! I am not bad for wanting to lose weight and be stronger! Also, I don't have to keep living in this body just to be an example showing kids that they can have a future living in a body like mine and looking like me and liking the things I like! Fuck man!

[shamelessdisplay]

Mental health has been kind of a struggle as of recent. Last week it was just not being able to get a good night's sleep all week, and this week it's more about insecurities striking up for me. I am really thankful for my relationship in many ways, and it has been hard because it feels like I'm having to face many of my insecurities in rotation which is exhausting. I know it's good for me, and I've improved over time with them, but it's hard to keep pushing through some of this stuff when it leaves me feeling like I can barely squeeze words out about it. Not to mention long distance can be tough on a relationship already. I know it'll be okay, but it just sucks a bit right now

[as-rare-as-trees]

Feeling annoying is the price of loving openly sometimes. It doesn't make it any less necessary tho

[racew1nn3rs]

─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘷. (𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴) 🐅

⤷ summary: spain and canada. lando's rizz is negative, mission is failed. plus, mclaren pr is about to fuck shit up 🗣️

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liked by ynusername, zbrownceo, and 42,908 others

mclaren spain you were forgettable at best 😔 on to the next one

18,980 others

user1 y/n don't insult your team on the team account challenge

mclaren is it really an insult if it's true

user2 we got a lando photo but at what cost

user3 lando fans can never win here

mclaren why you would ever choose to be a lando fan to begin with is beyond me

user2 you're so right queen i'm sorry

landonorris DON'T APOLOGIZE WTF

user2 fuck both of y'all honestly

user4 at least mclaren fans can always count on content, even if we can't expect results 😭

user5 lando and y/n in their friendship era, how the fuck did we get here

landonorris you're posting me now? oh you want me so bad 🥴

mclaren sending this to hr immediately

ynusername YOU'RE FIREEEDDDDDDD

user6 damn she logged into both accounts just to make sure he heard her ass 💀 double homicide

user7 oscar fans i can't even tell if we won or lost

user8 we didn't get a face pic but... we didn't get whatever the fuck the 3rd slide is

landonorris guys pLEASE

landonorris i won't post it she says... it's just for me she says

user9 LMAOOOO AND YOU BELIEVED HER???? 🤣 🫵

landonorris going dark, no one call me

user9 was anyone going to anyways 💀

user10 LET HIM GET UPPPP

oscarpiastri i'll pay you 20 dollars if you don't ever do this to me

mclaren 🤝

mclaren i mean you were never the target but now you will be if i don't get my money!!!!

oscarpiastri oh ok

lilyzneimer i have pictures you can you use if you need bb <3

oscarpiastri WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON

zbrownceo Very funny Y/n! Keep up the good work 👍

mclaren Thanks boss! (:

landonorris ZAK WHY

user11 zak is so supportive now, wait until he sees her comments 💀

zbrownceo I have seen her comments! Very funny! 👍

user11 blink twice zak, we can help you

maxverstappen1 This is the highlight of my week, thank you Y/n!

mclaren hey max verstappen of redbull racing! not sure if you heard but you did win the grand prix this weekend

maxverstappen1 No i know, this is just definitely better.

ynusername where's my photo credits 🫵

mclaren my bad bbg 😍

user12 nurse she got out again

oscarpiastri we'll win next time!!

mclaren who told you that 🤨

oscarpiastri the voices in my head

logansargeant you hold on bro, we'll find your meds soon

user13 i think moto moto likes you ahh image

user14 i need to shrink him and put him in my pocket and keep him there

user15 which one?

user14 lando

landonorris nuh uh, pick again

maxfewtrell you can't post pictures without consent mate

mclaren i didn't??

landonorris i didn't consent.

mclaren who are you gonna believe max? me? or the solid concrete evidence in front of you

user16 he looks like he can do some crazy tricks on a trampoline

landonorris this is the only comment about myself that hasnt made me viscerally angry

oscarpiastri unfortunately i feel the opposite

user17 lany/n at it again

user18 literally what the fuck do you mean

user17 if you dont get it, i can't explain it to you

user18 okay cryptic ass, fuck you 🙄

user19 they're in love guys, just wait and see

user20 yall just love saying stupid shit on this page huh

user19 i hate getting accused of some shit i actually do 😡 like yeah i do love that but who told you

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user20 op be so fr right now

user21 everytime one of these illiterate f1 drivers pulls one of the hottest women on earth a fairty dies

user21 *fairy

user22 fairty

user21 you shut the fuck up 🫵

user23 people when coworkers are seen together at their place of work

user24 do you hug your coworkers and follow them like a lost puppy when you could be on a break

user23 wtf no

user24 EXACTLY MF, THIS IS NOT COWORKERS BEING COWORKERS

user25 history will say they were just colleagues 😔

opeightywon this shit is a national tragedy

user26 every time i see a post like this i think about the fact that she has probably seen this and i shiver

user27 honestly praying on their downfall

opeightywon wtf

user28 lando fans be normal challenge

user27 idgaf about that white man, she's just too hot for him 😕

opeightywon oh yeah real

user29 i need another youtube video where they stare at each other longingly again asap or i fear i may start having withdrawal symptoms

user30 another hot girl lost to an average white man's swagless looks and cringe fail personality i feel sick

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liked by landonorris, lilyzneimer, and 44,786 others

mclaren not our best results in canada but we improved i guess 🙄 but on a much better, more exciting note: NEW MCLAREN YOUTUBE CHALLENGE OUT GO GO GO GO

17,998 comments

user31 my crops are watered, my skin is clear, my funds are tripled

mclaren all me 😮‍💨

user32 "yay challenge video" we all cry in unison

user33 OSCAR FANS IS IT REAL??? HAS IT COME TRUE??? IS THAT A FACE PIC I SEE

user34 and it's good quality too 🤩 what did we do to deserve this

mclaren you don't, but oscar bought me coffee all weekend

oscarpiastri yes i bribed her, i feel no shame

user35 lando's back in the dog house bro, he's back to no face pics

user36 but look at his beautiful brown eyes

mclaren babe they're greenish blue with the TINIEST bit of brown 💀

user37 how long you gotta stare at a man's eyes to know the exact paint blend 🫵

user38 DOWN HORRENDOUSSSSSS

lilyzneimer insert comical heart eyes here

mclaren flirting with your man 🤢 on MY cellular device

lilyzneimer my bad bb, he doesn't mean anything to me anyways 🥴

oscarpiastri ok what the fuck

danielricciardo DROP THE CAMERA SETTINGS AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

mclaren check dms 🤲

danielricciardo thanks love you're the best

landonorris LOVE??? LMAOOOO

user39 bro is losing the dgaf war MISERABLY

user40 the way lando is staring at her the whole time she's behind the camera 😫 oh he's not even down bad, bro's down under

landonorris can i get the camera settings

mclaren has anyone ever told you how good you are at photography?? i'm not saying that, i'm just asking 😀

landonorris oKAY fuck you.

user41 the way she doesn't even pretend to care about the results

landonorris i know 🙄

mclaren i know p13 is nawttt talking back to me right now

user41 OHHH SHE ATE YOU UP HUH

landonorris y'all are some fake ass fans fr

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8:57 PM.

Y/n stared at the flashing numbers on the digital clock in the boardroom and huffed quietly. The table in front of her was covered in a mix of shredded mozzarella cheese and vibrant, red pizza sauce. Flour with evidence of handprints and bits of pizza dough decorated the wood and the woman internally sighed at the thought of clean up. Eventually she would have to get back to work.

Lando was on his phone across the table from her, and she fought the urge to stare at him. Oscar had left a while ago, having an earlier flight than them out of Canada. Lando and her had made the executive decision to stay and finish the pizza the two men had made during the "not my hands" YouTube challenge. It was messy, and didn't fully resemble a proper pizza, but it tasted good enough if not a little bit burnt. The two had been sitting in a comfortable silence for the time being while they ate.

In the time Y/n had gotten to know the British man, both on and off the track, she found herself warming up to him considerably. He was kinder than she gave him credit for at the beginning of the season, and far funnier. She could see now that more often than not he spoke without thinking or having any consideration, and maybe he was more than a little bit arrogant, but he also felt things deeply and cared passionately.

Before she could think about what she was doing, Lando's eyes met hers and he smirked. Y/n's face burned but she rolled her eyes at him and took another bite of their burnt pizza. Her ears caught the sound of him placing his phone on the table, and when she looked up again he was leaning his body across the table and toward her instead.

"What are you staring at? Hm?" He teased and she scoffed.

"You," she started and took another bite of her pizza, "have pizza sauce all over your face, you idiot. And I'm just thinking, not sure if you're familiar with the concept." He grabbed a napkin quickly and began wiping rapidly at his chin and mouth, and even his nose. She couldn't help but laugh loudly. There was nothing on his face. He was perfect actually. Unfortunately.

"Did I get it? Why didn't you tell me sooner, traitor!" She doubled over but nodded anyways.

"What are you thinking about?" he questioned as he settled back down.

"Just the season, you and Oscar," she muttered.

"Me? Thinking of little ol' me when I'm right here in front of you," she rolled her eyes with a groan.

"You have selective hearing Lando," he laughed and nodded.

"Well what have you thought about it? The season I mean. And myself of course, don't care much what you think about Osc," he leaned on his hand and stared at her intently. Y/n couldn't help that being stared at by Lando felt a little bit like being ocean, being pulled and pushed by the moon's gravity. Her brain didn't work properly around him.

Or maybe I'm just really dramatic and he's just hot, she thought miserably, Probably the latter.

"I just think maybe you and me got off on the wrong foot," she said as she fumbled with the lid of her water bottle, "and I think that maybe I enjoy this job a lot more than I thought I would." The comments seemed to sober Lando's mood up slightly.

Maybe I shouldn't have been truthful. Maybe it shouldn't have been that serious.

"What did you think of me?" He asked quietly. "When you met me I mean."

"Do you want me to be honest?" He looked at her quizzically.

"Of course I want you to be honest Y/n, or I wouldn't have asked."

"I thought you were kind of an asshole," she whispered and he laughed.

"So the beef was real for you," he smiled slightly and she let her face fall gently into her hands.

"Yeah," she breathed out a laugh, "yeah maybe a little."

"Doesn't seem like a little," he goaded and she shot him a glare.

"Okay Lord Lando, maybe more than a little," he pointed at her triumphantly.

"AHA! So it was the instagram comment. I thought you knew I was kidding," A loud groan filled the room as she smacked her head on the table. Lando's giggling could probably be heard down the hall but Y/n found she didn't care all that much anymore.

"It wasn't just the instagram comment," she defended weakly. There was a brief silence as Lando stared into space and shook his head.

"Wow... I can't believe you were actually mad at me and I just didn't know."

"It wasn't that big of a deal I guess, I just felt like you didn't really take me seriously."

"Well I mean you're not a very serious person," Y/n's heart fell to her stomach.

"What?" She asked, staring at him. She couldn't have heard him right.

"Well it's just that you're not very serious are you? Like since I met you, it's never felt like you were a serious sort of person." He added as if that was some sort of defense.

As if that isn't more hurtful.

"You're not like Zak or Andrea, or really anyone else here you know? You're just you, you're different. It was hard to be serious with you here because that's just who you are." He continued.

God just shut up, please for the love of God just shut up.

"This is my place of work Lando," she muttered bitterly. "I mean do you hear yourself." His eyes widened and he put his hands out placatingly. Like she was some sort of rabid animal he needed to calm down.

"No no no," he muttered quickly and stood up to round the table, "that's not what I meant Y/n, you know that."

"Stop Lando, just stop," she said as she began to clear off the table.

Why did she expect him to be different. What made her think he could've changed.

"You made it perfectly clear what you mean. What you think of me and of my work, my career" she spit out, swiping everything on the table into the trash. They hadn't finished eating the pizza and now it was in the bin, but Lando didn't deserve to eat the pizza she helped him make. He didn't deserve to be here at all. He wasn't her friend, he was her coworker and nothing else. It was better she accept that now.

"You misunderstood what I said," he grabbed her arm to stop her from cleaning and she whipped it out of his grasp.

"Stop Lando," she said raising her voice. She knew her eyes were teary but she didn't care. She knew her face was red with embarrassment and her hands were shaking with the force of her humiliation but she didn't care. Lando Norris could go fuck himself.

He looked at her in shock and winced as he saw her face. She steeled herself. She had never cried over a man before, why would she do it now.

"You need to leave, you have a flight in the morning," she said emotionlessly. "And I have to clean so I can go home." He tried to speak and she put her hand up, stepping away from him.

"Get out please, you're in my way," she said and his brows scrunched. He was angry? Good, so was she.

"I'm in your way?" He asked incredulously, as if she didn't have any reason to be upset. "You're not even going to hear me out?" He scoffed.

"No Lando, I don't have time for this. I have a job to do and you're in my way," she said emphasizing the words as if speaking to a child. His face fell. He looked angry.

"Whatever Y/n. What fucking ever," he muttered, grabbing his bag and storming out. Y/n waited. Footsteps in the hallways continued until a far off door slammed.

Y/n wilted like an unwatered plant as tears began to fall.

So much for friends.

She knew deep down she was hurt about much more than just friendship.

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this is the second to last chapter of part one! i hope you enjoy! please feel free to comment and send requests, i'm excited to hear your thoughts <3

-

𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666

[senanatheskenana]

How They Look at You

Tanjirou looks at you like you are the night sky, wonder and admiration emanating from his eyes. He can hardly look away from your beauty, but it blinds him.

"You... Are the most beautiful person i have ever met, or will meet"

Rengoku looks you in the eye with adoration so strong it looks like his eyes are burning. He could look at you forever without blinking, without getting bored.

"Please, let me look at you a little longer"

Giyuu can hardly look you in the eye without getting shy. Each time your eyes meet, his face erupts in pink and the need to avert his eyes is undeniable. Still, he stares out of the corner of his eye, hoping you wont see him this time.

"I-I wasn't staring, don't look at me like that"

Inosuke doesnt try to hide his stares. He stands in front of you, forehead against your ownm eyes boring into your soul. It feels like hes watching your movements with how closely he stares. Its almost as unnerving as it is endearing.

"Zuitsu told me that staring into someone's eyes will make them fall in love with me! So keep looking!"

Akaza gazes at you with respect and reverence, as though you were a holy grail. He doesn't dare touch you, fearing that he may taint you. You are unattainable, and so he must watch from afar and yearn for you.

"Please dont come any closer, i can't trust myself to not ruin you"

Gyutaro feels unworthy to even look in your direction- you are so beautiful, so ethereal. Surely he does not deserve to be close enough to see you when he is so wretched. Yet, when you watch him, he feels as though he was chosen by some god. Surely he does not deserve your time, or to even see your heavenly form upon the same ground he walks. So against his longing body, he forces himself to recoil from your waiting form like how he shrinks away from the sun.

"Please don't look at me, i'm hideous. I'm sorry for taking up your space, i have made it unclean"

[feral-puppy-boy]

Imagining my Dom taking me to a doctor because they're worried about me touching myself all the time.

I protest, but there's nothing I can do and once the Dom promises me a reward if I'm a good boy, I am sold on the idea. In the doctor's office, the Dom comes with me and tells the doctor about my problem while I'm sitting there, fiddling with my shirt, unable to look away from the floor.

The doctor then has me undress, and my Dom gives me a threatening look when I hesitate before removing my boxers as well. I'm told to climb up onto the stirrups, and before I can react, the doctor fastens belts around my arms, legs and stomach so I won't be able to move. "Just a precaution," he says, as he roughly shoves a large thick thermometer inside my ass, making me yelp, "We don't want him moving around too much during the check-up". He takes out a measuring tape and measure my tdick, and double checks before measuring it again. "That is really small, even for a man like him - or should I say boy, looking at the size of this?" My dom laughs a little, and I try to squirm. My cock is already fully erect, as big as it can get, and hearing the doctor say this makes me want to close my legs, but they're securely fastened to be spread wide in the stirrups.

The doctor starts rubbing my chest, and I gasp as he harshly twists and rolls my nipples - already erect from the cold - between his fingers. "His sensitivity here seems to be normal," the doctor notes, eyeing my tcock - still hard, but not reacting much. "But if you want, it can be increased with time." He moves to rub and press on my stomach, and once he's done with that, forcefully grabs the thermometer that has been inside me this whole time and takes it out, leaving my hole convulsing around nothing. "Looks like he needs something back here," the doctor moves his fingers under my tcock to cover them in my slick, and roughly starts fingering me with two of his fingers, noting how my tcock twitches every time he goes deeper. "Does he experience penetration often, or does he mostly pleasure himself with touching this... Shrimp?" The doctor asks, letting his free hand gently rub my tdick. My Dom shakes their head, "I've been busy lately and haven't penetrated him much, he mostly rubs himself for pleasure." I'm about to come, and the doctor notices it as I clench myself around his fingers. "What a needy, naughty boy, trying to come without permission," he takes out his fingers and cruelly pinches the head of my tiny sensitive tcock between his fingernails, making me howl.

"I think I see the problem. It's not healthy for boys with tiny cocks to rub themselves too much, it makes them forget their discipline and can even hurt them. I have just the perfect solution for you," The doctor goes and takes an ice cube from a freezer in his office to press it against my tcock, making it deflate and shrink even more until you can barely see it's there. Then, he takes out a small metal device - a tiny, minuscule solid cage - and fastens it against my body with soft rope so it presses tight against my tcock. I whine, desperately looking at my Dom who seems to be thoroughly enjoying this.

The doctor motions for him to come over once he's done. "This device should stop him from getting hard - boys with small cocks can't really control themselves when they're hard, this is the easiest solution. I'll give you a lock and a key so only you can undo the ropes. In the meanwhile, make sure to have him penetrated at least once per day, a toy or a plug will do. That way he'll learn to cum just from being penetrated, since it's such a pain to try and rub something this small."

I'm still wet and desperate as we leave, and the doctor tells us to come back in 2 weeks to see my progress. For some reason, I feel my tcock futilely try to harden already as we get home - but the cage painfully presses against it, and all I can do is rub the smooth metal and whine. My Dom smiles at me, starting to take off their pants. "You heard what the doctor said. It's time for me to give you a special medicine."

This is going to be a very long and frustrating 2 weeks.

[accioscarheadthings]

heyy, i love ur fics and love you so much 💗💗💗💗

can you give us a more of switch! kenji, begging for fem!reader's attention from the ultramine series?

i loved him in the series and wanna see more of him

thank you smm😩💖of courseee, i hope you enjoyy <33

Dirty Monologue

after the events of ultramine series

warning: smut 18+, use of petnames (baby, darling, sweetheart), switch!kenji, breast play, edging, cum eating, slight degradation

summary: post Giants afterparty, you and kenji take a cab home and kenji gets needy for you.

masterlist !

after a big party that was hosted by the baseball team, you and kenji clambered into the backseat of a taxi.

you were wearing a beautiful satin dress with a slit that opened at your thighs, while kenji was in formals, covered from head to toe in black.

you both were giggling and whispering to each other, but the driver was patient and didn't seem to mind the pair of you.

You snuggled closer to Kenji, resting your head on his shoulder as the city lights flickered past the windows.

while you were more quiet and introspective in your drunken state, satisfied with little touches, kenji was the complete opposite.

he was clingy and affectionate, his arm around your shoulders and his body pressed against yours. he nuzzled his face against your neck, murmuring sweet nothings in your ear and occasionally planting sloppy kisses on your cheek.

"you have no idea how much i want you,"

"patience, handsome," you chided, pressing a smooch to his nose, " y'know patience is a virtue,"

kenji scoffed, his face flushing from your tender kiss, "i don't care about virtues when it comes to you," his voice dropped an octave, eyes drooping and raven locks falling all over his forehead.

you brushed them back out of habit, hand caressing his flushed cheeks.

"want you. now. here. please," he mumbled, emphasising each word, leaning closer to your lips.

you met him in the middle, ghosting your open mouth over his as your ring clad fingers cupped his chin.

you pulled back without a word, smirking down at him.

kenji looked like he was splashed in the face with cold water. your teasing had hauled him out of his drunken state.

"prove it, then," you leaned on your seat, eyes fixed ahead on the road.

what you hadn't noticed was kenji's cocky smile spread his face.

you stiffened when you felt his breath on your neck one second; the other, his tongue tracing a drunken path to your ear.

"I want to touch you, to taste you, to make you moan my name,"

one of his hand settled on your bare knee, rubbing circles.

"I want to lose myself in you, to forget the world for a moment, and exist only in this moment, with you,"

kenji's mouth travelled down your collarbone, his hair tickling your skin. you squirmed in place.

"I know what you like," he simpered, sucking on your sweet spot again. "I have every inch of you memorized,"

his hand slid up your thigh through the slit of your dress, squeezing the flesh slightly as he placed kisses along your jawline, his scruff tickling the column of your throat.

you gasped, slapping your hand over his, "kenji,"

"shh, don't interrupt me," he caught your hand and brought them to his lips, kissing each knuckle with such care, "or i'll be forced to punish you," his other hand slipped behind your back, grabbing your ass possessively, "you know i don't have a problems about putting you over my knee and spanking you until you can't sit right for a week,"

"fuck," you whimpered, eyes dazed at it had nothing to do with the alcohol you had consumed.

"all the pretty little sounds that leave these lips," he thumb traced your lips, tugging your bottom one and watching your lips part.

by now your breathing was ragged and came out in gasps.

he withdrew his hands from you, causing you to shrink in your place.

desperate for more, but too prideful to ask for it.

and kenji knew it. that's why he enjoyed getting you all soft in his hands.

kenji pressed the button that closed the blind betwen the driver's seat and back seat, turning back to you with all his attention.

"now, back to my promise," he loomed over you, one hand caging you between the door and his body.

his other hand slipped betwen your thighs, fingers cold.

hissing at his touch, you clamped your legs around his fingers, our core clenching around nothing.

"ah-ah, none of that," he spread your legs lightly, enough for him to access, "want you all spread for me, baby,"

his fingers circled on your clothed cunt, tracing your puffy lips.

"I want to feel your skin against mine, your body against mine, to be so close to you that I don't know where I end and you begin."

you noticed his hard-on through his pants, and the awkward position he was sitting on.

without thinking, you touched him, cupping roughly.

kenji whined, face settling into the crook of your neck, "darling-"

"keep talking," you cooed into his ears softly, rubbing your palm against his groin.

two can play this game.

"mmph," his voice was muffled against your skin. his teeth caught the strap of your dress and he slipped it down your shoulder, revealing more skin to pay attention to.

kenji kissed all over your shoulder, groaning against your skin when you gripped his length.

"I want to take you to the edge," he continued, his voice dropping even lower, "And then bring you back, again and again, until you're breathless and trembling and unable to form a coherent thought,"

his finger rubbed against your sopping core, catching on your clit with the right pressure.

you hand fell from his crotch, caught off-guard by his actions.

kenji was back in control now.

he cupped one of your breasts, thumbing your nipple and feel it erect under his touch.

"I want to make you mine, to claim you and mark you so that you'll always remember this moment, and always know who you belong to,"

pushing your panties to the side, he pushed two fingers into your pussy.

kenji groaned at how wet your were, "so wet and ready," he shuddered against you, "s'taking everything in me to not fuck you against the window for everyone to see what a needy slut you are," he emphasised with a curl of his fingers.

you gasped aloud, goosebumps rose in your skin as a result of his words.

he felt you clenching around his fingers and added another, "taking me so well, my love," he rasped.

"mine. all mine," he traced his tongue up the column of your throat, licking your sweat, "mine to love, mine to worship,"

he squeezed your breast, palm slipping to your hip, thumb caressing your pudgy stomach.

"mine to fuck," he increased his pace, and when you moaned, he smushed his lips against yours, swallowing your whines.

he increased his pace, pumling his fingers in and out vigoursly. you gripped his hair, kissing him so hard you were sure your lipstick was smudged.

"k-ken," you panted, "m'close," you felt your orgasm build, rising steadily in you.

just before you could come, kenji pulled back.

he withdrew his hands without a words and brought them to his lips, locking eyes with you as he sucked them clean.

he settled into his seat beside you, adjusting his clothes and tugged at his pants to conceal his painfully hard-cock.

you lipstick was smeared all over his mouth, and he brandished them proudly, chin lifting with a grin.

he adjusted your dress and faced forward, leaving you all hot and bothered.

tit for tat

you stared at him in bafflement, eyes wide and blinking, "are you kidding me?"

"patience is a vitrue sweetheart," he parroted your words, "you taught me that,"

you deadpanned at him, "jerk," you turned away with a huff, watching the passing city through the window.

kenji pouted at you teasingly, wrapping his arms around you and pulled you on his lap, "just wait till we get home, my love," his mouth pressed to your ear, sending a shiver down your spine, "gonna ruin you tonight," he thumbed at the lipstick smudged on your mouth.

you turned and gripped his face, squishing his face. his glassy eyes, your lipstick across his mouth and cheeks, his chest rising and falling, his fluffy raven hair...

you could just eat him up.

"you better make it up to me for all the teasing, kenji sato," you spoke in a low voice, eyes demanding.

kenji captured your lips in a soft kiss, conveying his promises for the night, "yes ma'am,"

[iam93percentstardust]

one of the things that i loved about barbie (2023) that i think a lot of the posts making fun of male-written reviews miss is that, though the movie presents itself as a commentary on the patriarchy and sexism, the message at the core of the film isn't actually limited to being about (cis) women. it's about anyone who is Other.

i went to go see the movie on thursday afternoon before all the big midnight premieres, and the theater was still packed. there wasn't an empty seat in the entire theater. i had a seat at the end of the row, which i had picked out in a faint (futile) hope that no one would sit next to me. thirty seconds before the trailers started, a family of about 10 black people walked in and split up, presumably because they'd only just bought their tickets and there were no longer 10 seats together. the dad and the son, who was maybe a few years younger than me in his early-20s, a good foot and a half taller than me, and who i recognized as one of the football players at the local university, ended up taking the two empty seats next to me with the linebacker in the seat right next to me. and that was pretty much the last time i thought of them until the last twenty minutes of the movie.

see, in the last twenty minutes of the movie, america ferrera makes an impassioned speech about not just the limitations that male-dominated society puts on women but the limitations that women put on themselves in order to survive in said male-dominated society. it's about the contradictions that we're subjected to--you can't be too much, but you can't be too little either. you have to lift each other up but you're also in constant competition with other women for the shredded dregs of respect that men have left over for us. you can't say yes to a man because then you're a whore but you can't say no because then you're a prude. it was passionate and bitter and furious and it had every woman in the theater, myself included, in tears.

and in the silence of the theater following america ferrera's plea for barbie not to make herself less just so that society isn't threatened by her, the linebacker sitting next to me said fervently, "i feel that."

it brought everything to a screeching halt. now i'm a white woman, and though i'm fat and nowhere near as gorgeous as margot robbie, from the very first trailer, it was obvious that this was going to be a movie for me. and if done right, it was going to be a movie for all women (and i would argue that it was). but the thing that it also did right was that though the surface of the message was about women making themselves lesser, the core was that it was for anyone who makes themselves lesser to fit in. yeah, it's for women who are trying to fit into a male-dominated society, but it's also for bipoc who are trying to fit into a white-dominated society. it's for trans people trying to fit into a cis-dominated society. it's for gay people trying to fit into a heterosexual-dominated society. it's for anyone who's been Othered and has to shrink themselves in a desperate attempt to survive.

i love the posts making fun of male-written reviews that are butthurt that this movie isn't for them just as much as the next person. but i think it's important that we don't forget that those are representative of the people in power, the people that could never understand this message. barbie is for me, yeah, but it isn't just for me. it's for my trans friend who is six feet tall and has a beard and wears pink dresses every single day because they make her feel pretty. it's for my labmate who could practically be a barbie herself and irritates me every time she talks about thinphobia but also can't find someone who wants to be with her because she's brilliant and not because she's beautiful.

it's for the black linebacker who sat next to me in the theater and felt heard when a fictional character in a movie told him not to make himself smaller just to fit society's standards.

[mommybard]

You know how in some lewd stories they have those pills that can change or corrupt people? I need those to become real because I’m stuck with a thought that I just can’t get out of my head.

Getting just the cutest little thing as a roommate. Befriending them. Gaining their trust. Hanging out with them. And then…well, slipping some of those into their food and drink. Not enough to give them an overnight change, where’s the fun in that? No, just enough for small changes here and there that their mind will rationalize away until it's too late~

Increased libido? That’s not too hard to explain away, some people's sex drives tend to ramp up or slow down for various reasons. So it’s not too hard for them to accept when they find themselves masturbating as the first thing when they wake up and the last thing before going to bed. Granted, they’re suddenly wanting more but…well, that could just be anything. Definitely not caused by the cookies I made them~

The changes to their body? Well that's easy enough at first. Sometimes people gain a bit of weight, or clothes shrink in the wash. That has to be the reason those jeans seem to be clinging a bit more, hugging their hips, barely able to get up over their ass. And they have been going to the gym…maybe its just finally seeing the results of the work out? As for their chest…well its just more sensitive it all. Could really be anything. Probably not that fresh horchata I made them~

The changes keep coming. Any rational person would've probably scheduled a check up to find the cause. And they meant to do that, honestly! Its just…their focus has been preoccupied recently. It started off with just finding themselves occasionally day dreaming about lewd things. Being forced to their knees and made to worship a domme. What it would be like if their friends lost all respect for them as a person and started to use them like a free use toy. How good it would feel to not have to think but instead just be the bestest little pet, spending their day under the desk of someone who does the thinking and worrying for them as they fill their day with loyal service to that person. 

But its been taking up more of their brainpower. The last few times when they meant to make the call they got distracted when they opened their phone and saw the smutty story they had been touching themselves to earlier…and, well…spend the next few hours playing with themselves. Similar thing happened when they tried to do it on the computer. They meant to type in the website! But as they started it auto suggested a porn site and…gods way they would give to get fucked like that. 

Poor thing being forced to wear less and less as they run out of clothes that genuinely fit anymore. Thinking they're being subtle about how drooly they'll get mid conversation. That the walls are thick enough that I can't hear them desperately fucking their holes raw on toys they rushed to order. 

Until I give them the final pill. One that pushes them into a deep heat. Full strength, not the careful doses I used with the other drugs. Watching them drink it down without even realizing, laughing to myself when they rush to their bedroom to “study”. Letting them go for a few hours, long enough for them to realize that need deep inside them isn't getting satisfied with their fingers or toys. They need something more. Something real. 

And of course, like the good friend I am, I offer to help them out. Wouldn't want them to try to rush out in their state. There are so many evil people out there who might take advantage of them and their trust! I wouldn't want that now, would I~?

[nocturnowlette]

If you want to enter a Puppy Mindset whenever you wish, read this post. I assure you that it's worth it.

I want to explore the idea today of entering a state of mind called Puppy Space, and let anyone who reads my scripts be able to go in and out of it at will.

...and to maybe sink into it whenever they see my posts. Maybe.

If you wish you read this, but are new to hypnosis or want for this script to be more effective, I highly suggest reading my first script here. It makes everything so much Easier.

Now, let's begin.

...

The general idea of a Puppy Space is to feel Dumb, but not mindless. To feel Happy and Calm and Obedient, but to still be able to do your everyday tasks. Feeling so Happy while you do them.

Oh, and feeling the need to Bark constantly. Finding words so hard, but being able to get them out so long as you Bark enough.

I've put a few subjects into Puppy Space before (and have been in it myself) and it feels great.

When I was in that state, I felt so

Melty.

So Happy.

So Dumb.

Barking every time you want to speak, being able to think, but finding it so, so hard. Only being able to speak if you

Bark

enough.

Feeling so hard to think. Your thoughts slowing down, getting so, so Dumb. Focusing on my words so easily, like all of your mind is so Focused on me that everything else just shuts off. Everything just fades away.

I want you to imagine a bunch of floating bubbles, splitting and combining and growing and shrinking.

These bubbles represent your thoughts.

So if I were to just,

slowly approach one,

my claw getting ever closer,

until it

Pops.

Harder to think.

I approach another, and

Pop.

And that thought is gone.

Pop.

Pop.

Pop.

So hard to think, all of your thoughts going

Pop

right as you think them.

Your thoughts popping for me, I don't even have to do it anymore.

Your thoughts just

Pop

on their own.

Any time you find yourself thinking, your mind instantly

Pops

it for me.

A Good little thoughtless Puppy.

Pop.

However, there's one bubble bigger than the others, one that your mind can't quite pop on its own.

This bubble contains all of your remaining awareness. You already feel quite Dumb, but our minds love to hold on to some of it.

Focus on my words even more.

The more you Focus, the easier it is for your thoughts to

Pop.

The easier you Focus on my words, the more real they become.

The bubble starts to grow. It starts to fill with other parts of your mind.

Your inhibitions go into the bubble. It gets a little bit bigger.

Your stresses go into the bubble. It gets bigger. So stressed, and all of that stress slipping right in, so so Easily.

Bigger.

Your fears and anxieties go into the bubble. Everything you're scared of, slips right in. The bubble gets

Bigger.

Every little bit of your human mind left feeding right in. It gets

Bigger.

So Big, so Fragile.

There's too many thoughts in this bubble, too much for it to hold on to.

It's so Hard to keep control, to hold on to these things.

It would be so, so Easy

to let it just

Pop your Mind Away.

...

Welcome to Trance.

If you're new to this, this is a state of mind where you are both highly relaxed and very Focused.

It allows me, or anyone else that brings you into it, to suggest behaviors to you. To be Commanded, as well.

For example,

You feel Dumber. See how Easy that is? You feel Dumber now.

Every time you think you're already so Dumb, but you just get Dumber again. Staring at my words so intently, and yet being so Mindless.

Such a Good Puppy.

Good Puppies should be Mindless, sometimes. You're saving all the thinking up for later, when you really need to. No need to think right now, just let me do it for you.

Like a little antenna, you feel so

Receptive

to my words.

Like an invisible antenna is sticking right out of your silly puppy head.

Every Command is Received so Easily, sending waves through your entire skull. My words have so much power over you, because you Love to Receive them. You love it too much. You need to let my words in.

However, being this Mindless isn't very practical for long, long periods of time.

It feels so good to just Sink like this, but so many puppies are just so busy. Little chores, big tasks, your paws and puppy mind feeling so exhausted from all of it.

Like this, though, so Mindless and Obedient and Receptive, you feel so, so

Happy.

So Relaxed.

So Content.

Bark for me.

Adorable.

I want to give you a gift for reading this post.

I want to let you enter a state of mind that lets you be so

Happy, and

Relaxed, and

Content

while going throughout your every day life. Making chores and little tasks so Easy to do, feeling so Happy doing them.

Making your thoughts

Pop,

But not so much that you can't do anything.

Just smart enough, but so, so Dumb.

To be able to speak, but to find it so, so hard. Like a molasses that covers your mind, every little word gets so easily consumed by it. The words just disappear, All Gone.

However, every time you

Bark,

those words get just a little easier to say. The molasses clears for just a moment, blown away by the force of the Bark, only to seep back in eventually.

You need to Bark several times to get out a sentence, but with enough effort, you can do it.

Pop.

Pop.

Pop.

You feel that bubble filling up again.

There's not much left in that little puppy brain of yours, but still fills up a bit anyways.

It gets Bigger.

Filling up with even more little bits of your mind, things you didn't even know could be popped away.

It fills up even Bigger.

Filling with everything except for your focus on my words.

Getting so Big, Bigger and Bigger, so Fragile.

Bigger, and

Bigger, and

Bigger, until it

Pops your Mind Away.

...

In a moment, I will count upwards from 1 to 5. When I do, you will enter

Puppy Space.

You will be able to speak, but only when you Bark enough. Keeping the molasses away, for just a moment.

You will feel so

Happy, and

Blissful, and

Obedient.

If you have an owner, you will feel so, so Devoted to them.

If you have tasks you need to do, small little chores or larger tasks, you will feel so Happy to do them. Healthy Puppies are so Happy.

However, whenever you need to come up, or when you want to come up, to become human again, it will feel so Easy.

Until that moment, though, it will feel so, so Hard.

So Hard to resist the Puppy Space.

And, if you allow it, with every time you see my words, my posts, my thoughts, and my ideas, you will find yourself so easily drifting back into this Puppy Space.

And, whenever you so wish, you can re-enter this Puppy Space yourself, but echoing the words

"Puppy Space"

over and over and over until you can't think of many words at all. Until the molasses has covered your mind.

Occasionally, you will need to come back to this post, to reinforce the triggers. Or to me directly.

But, for now, it will be so, so Strong. Stronger than anything you thought possible.

Entering Puppy Space on the count of 5.

1.

Feeling control over your body coming back.

2.

Easier to focus on things other than my words.

3.

Feeling so Happy, Obedient, and Relaxed.

4.

Becoming just a little easier to think, enough to just barely do your tasks.

5.

Puppy Space.

...

Hello, puppy. Do you feel nice? Of course you do, that's what puppies do. They feel so

Nice, and so Dumb, and so, so Happy.

You're Adorable, you know that?

You can feel like this every single time you read my words, every time you see my posts. If you'd like, you can follow my blog for more puppy, hypnosis, and me-related ramblings.

I'd also love to see you Bark for me. Reblog this post, Barking your little mind away. Maybe try typing about how it felt, only so long as you Bark enough to form words while doing it.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy yourself, Puppy.

I hope to see you more in the future.

[toxicanonymity]

As ugly as he seems. Left in Lincoln pt. 6

8.4k words, dark dbf!Joel x virgin f!reader story master list / spotify playlist / joel master

You would've given anything for Joel to wake up and ravage you. “s’what I mean, baby,” he murmured sleepily into your hair. "Can't trust myself." He groaned softly as his palm brought you tighter against him. 

WARNINGS: I8+, grinding, light somnophilia, thigh fucking, fingering, oral f receiving, P in V just the tip, reader menstruates, angst, pet names and praise, toxic dark joel, pining, obsession, horror vibes. he's sweet with reader, but he is. . . unhinged. NO Y/N.

—---

You were back home in your room, lying in bed looking at the stain on the ceiling when it all became hazy.  You kept staring until your eyes watered and you could no longer see the spot at all.  The air was thick with smoke and dread.  There was shouting outside.  You went to your bedroom window and opened it. The night was dark, but a flickering glow illuminated the scene in your backyard.  The door to the spider shed was moving, flapping violently.  When it opened, Joel Miller emerged in a white tank top and jeans and an ax slung over his shoulder.  He stared at you but didn’t say a word or even nod.

He charged slowly but deliberately toward the house until he was out of sight and a loud crack downstairs told you he was swinging the ax.  At the other end of the house, the shouting outside intensified. As Joel continued axing down the door, you followed the shouting down the hall and looked out a window facing the front yard.  Bill and Frank were in the middle of the street fighting off infected who were crawling toward the house.  Bill was shooting at them. Frank was futilely trying to put the fire out with a hose.  

Frank saw you in the window and shouted, “STAY UPSTAIRS!”

The cracking at the door turned into splintering, then boots thudding up the stairs.  You ran into the hall just as Joel crested the top landing.  His biceps were smudged with ash but glistening and his hair was wild.  He lunged toward you and crouched down, wrapping his arms around you in a hug before hoisting you over his shoulder to carry you.  He carried you downstairs and to the kitchen where he unlocked the shredded back door.  Once you got outside, Joel didn’t stop.  He kept walking away from the house.  Not toward his house, not toward anywhere.  Over his shoulder, you could see the house shrink into the distance.  The shouting continued but faded as Joel carried you away.  Then, with a loud boom, the house was completely engulfed in flames.  

You tried to scream, tried to beg Joel to save your fathers, but you couldn’t make a noise. 

—------

You woke up at Joel’s house gasping for air and heard yourself making an awful noise, more like a murder of crows than anything human.  You sat up and took deep breaths. Frank’s note repeated in your head: We love you so much. Protect yourself. 

Within seconds, footsteps were ascending the stairs.  The bedroom door opened, and Joel rushed over with a look of panic on his face. He was in boxers and a tight, white t-shirt. 

He sat down and hugged your head to his chest.  “Shhhhhhh, I’ve got you….. You’re okay. . . . you’re okay.”  You felt safer in his big arms, but the dread wouldn’t leave you and you couldn’t slow your heart rate.  When you didn’t stop sniffling, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I had a nightmare”

“‘About what, darlin’?”

“Our house was on fire and it felt like everyone was gonna die.” 

He rubbed your back.  “We’re okay, the house is okay.” 

“I mean my family’s house.” 

“Oh,” he muttered and his hand paused for a moment. He kissed your head, then his hand resumed its slow circles on the bare skin above your nightgown. “Oh, darlin’.  That sounds like a real bad dream.” 

“It felt so real.”

“I know, honey.” He held you tight and planted a kiss on the crown of your head. 

You were so grateful to him for everything, but suddenly felt guilty about being at his house instead of yours. You told him, “I should be there taking care of things.  I’m doing a bad job.” 

But at the same time, going back there was the last thing you wanted. It was so scary, so lonely at your house before Joel came and saved you. It was terrifying to think about.  You had to go back, the dream ripped open something deep in the back of your mind, something you couldn’t even discern, but which compelled you.  You hoped Joel wouldn’t let you stay there alone. Of course he wouldn’t, you told yourself. 

“You’re safer here, darlin’.”

“I know,” you whispered. “But I’m worried.” 

He sighed.  “Okay, peaches,” His large hand squeezed your arm and he kissed your head again.  “We’ll go over there in the mornin’.  How’s that?” 

Relief washed over you at the sound of Joel’s offer. Finally the tension in between your shoulder blades began to release. “Thanks.” It was still the dead of night. 

Joel asked, “Got room for an old man?” He seemed hesitant to leave you alone.  Knowing he wouldn’t leave you finally helped your heart rate to begin to slow. 

You nodded and Joel slipped into your bed.  He put his big arm under your neck and hugged you from behind.  He nestled you into him as a little spoon and held you tight as you fell asleep.  Nowhere felt safer than Joel’s arms. 

—------------

When you woke up, it was still dark.  You had drifted slightly forward in the bed, and Joel’s embrace had loosened.  Needing to be closer to him, you scooted back into his chest.  He cupped your breast with a sigh, then curved his body against yours again. His breathing suggested he was still asleep. As he nestled his knees behind yours, the solid shape of his cock sent a shock of desire through you. Its shape and warmth were unmistakable, even though it was all new to you.  Your body certainly recognized it and began to prepare itself for what it wanted.  

You pushed your ass back against him and his body rewarded you with a twitch of his cock. He let out soft noise somewhere between a grunt and a whimper. You pushed back again, and his hips gently pushed forward.  You slowly moved your hand to grab the bottom hem of your nightgown and tug it down so your bare nipple would be against his hand.   As soon as the satin was out of the way, your nipple hardened against his palm and you caught a whimper in your chest before it had a voice.  Joel’s palm pressed against your breast, and he sighed as his manhood swelled harder against your ass.  

You would’ve given anything for Joel to wake up and ravage you, but you knew he wouldn’t.  For a minute, you tried to ignore it all. You focused on his breathing.  Even his breathing was masculine and protective.  You had almost fallen back asleep when he began to massage your breast, and his hips began to push his wood against you at a slow, regular rhythm through the thin barrier of his boxers.  Joel’s mouth was pressed into your hair and his body was actively cradling yours, no longer asleep.  You were throbbing and a warm pool was forming between your legs. 

You loosely tangled your fingers with Joel’s.  His lower body broke away, and for a moment you regretted your gesture, as if it had snapped him out of a sleepful indulgence.  But then his hips returned, and you gasped at the contact of his smooth, bare cock.  It rested warm and hard against you with the head nudging the top of your crack.  

“‘S’what I mean, baby,” he murmured sleepily into your hair.  “Can’t trust myself.” He groaned softly as his palm flattened your breast and the same arm pulled you tighter against him.  You began to reach behind you, but he intercepted your hand and held it against your chest instead.  His massive palm cradled your own hand gently around your breast then left it there while he pulled down your panties.  After taking them off, he wrapped his arm over you again.  

With one arm under your pillow, he backed up enough to get clearance for his ample morning wood.  He wedged his foot between your ankles to lift your leg ever so slightly, then nestled his cock between your thighs, right up against your throbbing seam.  

Joel groaned at your wetness as his erection slid forward between your thighs, and you gasped when the thick head of his cock came to rest at your clit.  

“Oh, darlin’,” he breathed. “I feel how bad you want it.” His arm flexed under your pillow. “Poor thing, all wet and swollen”

When you didn’t respond, he added “s’a good thing, baby.  This all for me?”

“Yeah,” you whispered. 

“God damn,” he sighed and dragged his cock back.  The crown stopped short of your entrance before reversing toward your clit again, and you whimpered. Your belly was warm and tingly. 

Joel’s hand lightly grazed your abdomen on its way to your mound, then rested there. His cock slid back, and two fingers took its place where your wetness pooled.  He swirled his finger gently and slowly. “‘s’perfect,” he whispered to himself.

He dipped his fingers halfway in and you gasped at the welcome stretch.  He brought the wetness to your clit and began to draw circles. With his fingers out of the way, his cock slid forward again, bypassing your tight, wet hole, which spasmed at the proximity. “Oh, baby,” he breathed into your hair.   “It’s too much to bear,” he groaned at a low, shaky pitch. Surely not compared to what he was doing to you.  

Just the thought of him inside you–the thought of him occupying your body–was enough to tug at your tear ducts.  Tears of need.  He slid his cock back, then forward again, and when the tip reached your clit, it also met his fingers. You were getting pressure from both directions, and the tension in your belly threatened to burst.  God, you wanted him, needed him. 

He thrust his hips up against your ass with a sigh, moving his cock a little further, deeper between your thighs, as his hips flattened the plush of your asscheeks. Ohh, he knew how to make you feel good. Further, then back. Deeper, then back. He rocked in small movements, and the wet friction with your clit drove you crazy. 

“Joel, please.” You pushed your ass back into him and your bodies moved in rhythm.  

“Mm hmm, love feelin’ ya, baby.” Joel drove his cock a little faster, and his breathing became more labored. 

“Me too,” you whimpered.  He rubbed your clit as he fucked your thighs.  

“I want it bad, baby. You feel that?”

“yea-I, it’s so, it’s so big.” 

“When I’m real big and hard, that’s for you, baby.” His thrusts intensified. His breath was heavy and warm against your ear.  “That’s all for you,” he whispered.  

“Yes,” you whined. 

He moved his hand back to your breast and you looked down.  You watched the head of his cock appear and disappear between them and felt a new rush of arousal. The head was swollen and darker than you’d remembered. 

Your spine arched and you whimpered, “Joel.”

He thrust hard with a grunt, laid his palm on your mound, and covered the head of his cock with his fingers as you began to pulse against him. He groaned with the throb of your climax and finally lost some composure. “God damn, I wanna fill you up.” 

Your body jerked against him.  “I, I– Joel-” 

“Just, oh God, stuff you full of me.” His breath was ragged.

“I–” What you wanted to say was, I need it, I need you to.  He kept thrusting between your slippery thighs, and kept you pulsing.  Your waves of pleasure echoed, smaller and farther apart.   

You pulled yourself together to ask, “Can, can I feel you come?”

“Wanna feel me come?” he panted as he fucked the warm, wet little pocket so close to where you wanted him. 

“Yeah,” you whispered as he continued to accelerate.  

“Yeah,” he repeated and kept thrusting. 

“Please,” you asked. 

“Go ‘head.” 

He moved his hand back to your breast, groping you slowly but hungrily as he made room for your hand. His arm held you still as he railed between your thighs.  “Oh, god damn,” he breathed into your hair as you cupped your hand around the tip of his cock. . “Oh, god-”  Then he shuddered -- When his cock pulsed between your legs, it was so big, so powerful, like it was trying to push your thighs apart.  A new wave of pleasure surged through you.  You gasped as his hot load filled your palm. His breath was ragged against your hair, his chest heaving against your back.  The warm, white spend kept coming, and coming.  You held your hand steady as best you could as your heat twitched against him and his balls emptied. 

You were both still and quiet, with his arm draped over you.  His cum was still in your hand, but you didn’t want him to move.  Once his cock began to soften, he slid it out from between your legs.  He whispered, “I love you, baby” and kissed you on the head before going to get you a washcloth.  Then you went to take a shower and he made the bed.  

—-----

After breakfast, Joel walked with you down the street to your house.  It felt like you were leaving a safe place.  The broken asphalt was littered with debris from the storm, but it felt less spooky than when the two of you made the opposite walk, from your house to Joel’s.   As your house came into view, you felt relieved that it looked intact, but guilty for leaving it unattended. Irrational as it was, you were also fearful, as if the house might be decaying from the inside out.   The closer you got, the more you knew the terrible dream hadn’t faded from your mind.  The mood of your nightmare followed you and made you envision the worst. You imagined the insides of the house gutted from a fire.  Tall, black sheets, pieces of your life peeling off the walls.  You imagined the insides grown over with weeds and mold.  Then infected. 

The dream made you see Frank’s note differently. Cautionary.  It even made you see Joel differently.  He saved you in the dream, but something felt wrong.  He saved you, you kept reminding yourself.  He saved you from the fire.  

You knew these feelings would fade, but Joel could tell you were unsettled.  He stopped you when you were coming up to your house.  “You okay, darlin’?” Only then did you realize you had tears in your eyes.  

“Y-yeah,” you stammered. 

“C’mere, baby, I know it was scary.”  He wrapped you in a hug.  “Everything’s fine, you’ll see.” 

Joel peeked his head inside the front door and gave the all-clear, then he checked the gardens while you went inside.  You went to Bill and Frank’s room to make sure everything was okay and ready for them to come back.  It was silly, but you checked under the bed, and behind the shower curtain, and even in the closet, looking for anything bad. Something lurking, growing, falling apart.  You felt like there must be evidence of your neglect somewhere but you couldn’t find it.   

While you were in their closet, a gray metal box caught your eye.  You weren’t looking for it, but you were familiar with it.  When you saw it, you had a strong impulse to take what was in it, lest a fire or horde of infected take it.  It had been years since you opened the box, but it was just as it was.  Your biological father’s wedding ring, a custom knife from your mother, and a loaded gun. You hesitated, then heard Frank’s words again: Protect yourself. You took a messenger bag of Frank’s off the closet shelf and nestled the objects in a zippered compartment.

—- 

While Joel was still outside, you went upstairs and packed a few articles of clothing, an extra pair of shoes, and a book in the bag. You wondered if you should plan to stay in your own house again. Joel could stay there, too. It felt foregone that you and Joel would stay together, wherever you were, and thank God.

When you came downstairs from your room, you sat on the sofa.  You recalled the first time Joel came over and comforted you right there. The rush you felt when he first embraced you and the aching throb when you felt him get hard. None of that had changed. You still felt it every time. The only thing that had changed was you. A void had opened up inside of you that only he could fill. 

When Joel came back inside, he stopped at the threshold of the living room and looked at you sitting on the sofa. He put his hands behind his back, jutted his chest forward and stretched without taking his eyes off you. 

He asked, “Ya miss it?” It was a casual enough question, the way he said it. 

“Kinda,” you said.  “But I feel at home when I’m with you.” 

His face became serious and he stopped mid-stretch.  He dropped his hands to his sides and his brows knitted as he approached.  He sat down and put his arm around you.  “You dunno how glad I am to hear that.” 

You nodded, and when you looked up at him, his eyes were softer than you’d ever seen them. A new, gentler shade of brown.  He took your cheeks in his hands and kissed you deeply.  

“Need anything else before we go home?” Joel asked. 

“Nah.”  You picked up the messenger bag and saw Joel eyeing it.  

You thought he might ask what was in it, but all he said was, “Neat bag,” and for some reason, you were relieved.  

You trusted Joel completely but felt better when you were also “being smart,” as Bill would say.  A person can only count on themself, you were taught.  You got the sense Joel would like for you to leave everything to him, but he was only human. You had to protect yourself, too.  

—---

On the way back to Joel’s house, there seemed to be something on his mind.  “Look, peaches,” he started. “I’m sorry ‘bout this mornin’, in bed . . .” This ignited an unexpected flicker of anger in you.  What did he need to be sorry about? 

“Why?” you asked.

“Uh. . .”

“I wish you wouldn’t be sorry,” you added earnestly.

“Well, I’m sorry anyway.” 

Incredulous, you asked, “What part do you regret?”

“No, baby, no, no, no.” He stopped walking and took your hands in his. “Nothin’ to regret.  I just–I felt like I almost lost control.” 

You scoffed. “I wish you would’ve.” 

He squeezed your hands. “I want everything to be special for you.  I’m not gonna catch you off guard like that.” 

You asked, “You’re gonna tell me when, then?” 

“We’ll decide together.” Right. Whatever. 

It put you in a bad mood, so you started walking again, kicked a stick in the road, and changed the subject. 

—-----

That night, over dinner, you asked, “How’s Tommy?” When Joel got back from the QZ, you had been so focused on Frank that you forgot to ask. 

“Didn’t catch him,” Joel said. 

“Oh, sorry.” After eating another bite, you asked, “Why doesn’t he ever come visit?”

Joel finished chewing and said, “I reckon Maria and the kids keep’m busy.”

“I don’t even remember what he looks like.”

“What are you talkin’ ‘bout? He looks like me, younger, less handsome.”  Joel winked at you.  Then he went to a kitchen drawer to get a leather wallet.  He took out a worn, faded photograph of the two of them and handed it to you.  They looked so young. They were both in work shirts and hard hats. Joel was strikingly handsome, but nothing compared to now. He looked happy, but you preferred his weathered scowl. Tommy looked shy compared to Joel.  Tommy’s hair was longer and his arms were crossed, while Joel had an arm around Tommy’s shoulder.

You nodded, “a lot less handsome.” and Joel laughed. “But only because you’re that good looking,” you added. “I still don’t get why they don’t just move here,” you said. Joel had told you before: The farm life wasn’t for everybody.  But from what Joel said about the QZ, that idea didn’t make much sense to you. If the QZ was so bad, why would anyone prefer it to Lincoln? And if the QZ wasn’t so bad, why were you never allowed to visit it?

Joel was quiet, and there was something about the quiet that unsettled you. 

It came out of your mouth before you registered the thought. “Is he alive?” 

“What? Tommy?” Joel’s face changed completely. “What kind of question is that? He looked at you like you were crazy.  "‘Course he’s alive. Bill's stayin' with'm.” 

You weren't even sure why you asked. “Sorry.”

Joel's face softened.  "No, no, I'm sorry, darlin'." He put down his fork.  “Truth is, I wish he would visit. But I don’t think he much likes seein’ me.”

“Why? You’re brothers.”

“I reckon it brings back bad memories.”

“Like what?”

Joel sat back in his chair and rubbed one side of his beard. “Things we did. . . Things I did." He shook his head and looked at the ceiling. Quieter, he added, “things I’ve done.”

You were quiet for a minute.  You knew the answer, but you still asked, “Bad things? Like killing people?”

“Necessary things.” He nodded to himself.

“But you only killed bad people, right?”

Joel crossed his arms and his legs. “I don’t wanna scare ya, darlin’.”  

“Please tell me, I wanna know all of you.”

He shook his head. 

“Not just bad people,” you whispered in conclusion.

He swallowed, then looked at the table as he softly admitted, “Anyone who was in the way.” He didn’t look at you for a few seconds, then cautiously, his eyes began to rise to meet yours. “I would never, ever hurt you, darlin’. You’re the last person in the world I would–”

“I know,” you cut him off and took his hand. 

His brows knitted as he searched your face. 

"Darlin', the outbreak, it changed people. It's not somethin' ya can leave out there, either. If you knew what the world was like. . ." he trailed off.

You didn't talk for a few minutes, and in that time, something came over you.  You didn’t know what the world was like.  You heard that more times than you could count growing up.  You were sick of not knowing.  You might have been the only person left in the world who didn’t know. This was your chance, with Bill gone, if Joel could just take you out, even for a few hours one day.  

Joel kept looking at your face as if he was trying to read your mind.  Then you broke the silence: "Show me." 

Joel looked over his shoulder toward the orchard. "Show – show you?" He swallowed. 

"You said if I knew what the world was like. Show me. Take me out there. Just for a day."  

He shook his head and looked down like there was no possible way, like it was such a definite no, it wasn’t even worth the energy of convincing you. 

You insisted, "I know you can protect me." If anyone could protect you, Joel could. 

"Peaches–"

"Take me out.  Or you're gonna keep saying that for the rest of our lives, I just know it. That I don't know what it's like. Everyone says that."

"What did you just say?"

"Please, Joel, give me a chance, I know you can protect me." 

"The rest of our lives," he repeated, marveling at your words, ignoring your point. 

You swallowed and your cheeks burned. 

He nodded, "That's right, baby." 

—----

After dinner, Joel did some work outside and you stewed–about him holding out on you sexually, about him not wanting to ever take you out into the world.  That night, all you did was kiss on the sofa and listen to his whispers about the rest of your lives.  Once the kisses heated up and he hardened against your thigh, you said you didn’t feel well.  If he wasn’t going to give you what you wanted, you didn’t want him getting you all riled up. When you said you didn’t feel well, Joel didn’t ask any questions aside from what you needed and how he could help. 

When you went to bed, you thought about what he said.  Things I’ve done. You thought about the Red Sox caps.  And you slipped back into your fairy tale where he had done the worst things just to have you. It shouldn’t have made you feel better, but it did.  It made you feel better, not worse.  You knew in your gut Joel wanted you, and once you finally put your bodies together, you knew there would be no taking them apart. 

—----------------------

The next day, you really did feel crummy.  You went to the bathroom and found out why.  You got your period.  You had everything you needed – Joel had stocked your room really well, which made you emotional, and you felt bad for being mad at him. 

After dinner, Joel came in from working outside and found you curled up on the sofa. He came over with two glasses of water. 

“You okay, darlin’?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.  I don’t feel that good.”

“What doesn't feel good?”

“I have cramps. I just feel pretty bad.  ”

He looked at you then sat down on the sofa.  “What can I do?”

“You’re sweet,” you said.  “Nothing you can do, though.”

“Well, mind if I join ya?”

You made room for him. Before he joined you on the sofa, he retrieved a plastic baggy from the kitchen and offered you a painkiller.  You accepted half of one. Before it had a chance to kick in, you whined wordlessly as you tried to get comfortable. 

“How ‘bout I run you a bath, darlin’?”

“Okay.”

“Bathtub’s nicer down here,” he said.  

You went to get your bathrobe from upstairs and curled up on his bed while his bathtub was filling up. When the water stopped, you walked into the bathroom. It was nice, like Bill and Frank’s.  The counter had two sinks.  The bathtub was separate from the shower.  It was a big garden tub nestled in its own nook in front of a window, with a ledge behind the end without the faucet.  

Joel was sitting on the ledge with his sleeves rolled up, checking the water for you. “See how that feels.”  

You dipped a toe in and nodded, then stood there for a moment until you realized he didn’t plan to leave. 

“Ah,” he put his hands on his knees to stand up.  “Lemme grab you a towel.”  

—

You were still a little shy to get completely nude in front of him, but you wanted him to see how far you’d come in trusting him and being comfortable. By now, you were confident in Joel’s genuine appreciation for your body and every part of you. 

You hung the robe on a hook on the wall, then stepped into the tub and sank into the water before he got back.  You felt less exposed that way.  

He put a stack of folded towels on the ledge behind the bath, then smoothed his hair with one hand.  You looked at him and admired his big, veiny hands and forearms.  

“How’s it feel?” he asked.  

“Better already,” you told him. 

“Good.”  His eyes sparkled as he admired your body through the water then met your gaze again.  “Want me to leave?”

You shook your head.  “No, but – do you have to be so. . .” you looked him up and down and his brows knitted in concern. “Dressed?”

His face relaxed, then he raised his eyebrows and pointed at himself.  “You want me undressed?”

You nodded and he began to unbutton his shirt. You didn’t watch the whole time, letting your eyes drift to the window.  In a way, watching someone undress or dress felt more intrusive than seeing them naked.  He stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, then neatly folded his shirt and jeans and set them on the bathroom counter. 

He asked,  “Better?”

“Yeah.”  

“Good,” he softly pinched your cheek. You wanted those strong arms around you more than anything, but you worried about your period. He was so neat and clean all the time that it was hard to imagine him willingly exposing himself to anyone else’s fluids.

“You could get in,” you offered. “Except for the blood,” you added apologetically. There was only a small diluted plume. 

He cracked a smile and looked at you with soft eyes.  “Blood don’t bother me, peaches,” he said. “Not one bit.” 

“Really?”  

“Not yours,” he clarified. 

“It’s not like regular blood, sometimes there-”

He interrupted softly,  “I know what a period is, darlin’. I’m almost sixty years old,” he chuckled. “Went to non-FEDRA school, too.” 

“Almost sixty?” It gave you a rush to hear and a rush to say. 

“If ya round up. That weird? Thought ya knew that, baby.” You knew he was in his late fifties. You celebrated his birthday at one of your last dinners. But somehow, hearing the number “sixty” was wild. 

“It’s not weird.”  You shook your head earnestly and suppressed a smile. It was flattering that Joel, with all that life experience, loved you. It was sexy, too. 

Joel sighed.  “So, am I cordially invited?” He eyed the water with a subtle smile, then he reached into the bath and gently caressed your lower abdomen.  “It’s natural, darlin’. It’s beautiful.” He gripped the side of the tub and leaned in for a kiss.  Then he pulled back and looked in your eyes.  “Every part of you is beautiful. I’m just sorry it hurts.”  

“Yeah,” you said. “Come on in.” 

—---------

He stood up and faced you, then took off his white t-shirt.  It was the first time you’d seen him shirtless in the daylight. He was weathered and tan.  Scarred and strong. Strong, but soft enough to be comfortable.  He dropped his boxers without shame.  You averted your gaze, but what you saw of him made you even more amazed at how big it could get.  You were flattered to have that effect.

You scooted forward to make room for Joel to get in behind you.  

“You want me there?” 

You wanted him everywhere, but you nodded.  He stepped into the tub behind you and braced himself on both sides as he moved his feet forward.  He settled in around you with a small splash, his thighs gently squeezing yours. He slid his huge hands under your arms to loosely embrace your torso then leaned back against the porcelain with a sigh, bringing you with him.  You could feel his soft package and hair against you. You tried to relax into him, and he kissed you on the head. 

He rested one of his hands on your lower belly.  “You know we got the other half’a that pill, too, if ya need it,” he muttered. 

“Thank you, Joel,” you said.  “For everything.” 

He planted another kiss on your head.  “It’s my privilege, darlin’.” 

He held you in silence, softly stroking your sides.  Soon enough, you really relaxed back into him.  You focused on the rise and fall of his chest under your back.  You felt so attached to him, so in love with him you could cry.  Suddenly, the idea of not having him wrapped around you at any point in your life made it hard to enjoy when he was. You knew you were emotional.

—---

Joel’s breathing became so slow and regular that you thought he fell asleep. You glanced back to check, and he was wide awake.  

“Thought you fell asleep,” you whispered.

“No, darlin’.”  He kissed you on the cheek, then you caught him looking at the water and you followed his eyes, looking for anything embarrassing he could have noticed.  

He used two fingers to nudge your face back to look at him.  “I love you,” he said, then kissed you on the lips.  He whispered, “I dunno if I can ever show ya how much, but I’ll try.” 

“I love you, too,” you said and felt your eyes gathering tears. 

Joel sat up a little, concerned.  “What’s wrong, baby.” 

“I just wanna be with you forever,” you whimpered.  

“Well that’s what we’re gonna do, baby.” 

“Yeah, but. . .” 

His heart rate sped up against your back. 

“What if we can’t?” you asked. 

He sighed and hugged you reassuringly.  “Told ya there’s nothin’ in this world that can stop us bein’ together.”  Your arms and his were crossed in front of you.  He held both your hands, and kissed you on the head again. 

—---------------------------

You were quiet for a minute, but still thinking.  You asked, “What about when Bill and Frank get back?” 

He took in a chest full of air, lifting you on his stomach.  He released your hands as he exhaled. “What about it, darlin’.” 

“What if they — I mean, I guess I’ll go back — I’ll go back to our house, right?” 

Joel was quiet then asked softly but flatly, “Is that what you want?”

“No,” you answered quickly. 

“Then why would ya?” He sounded more confused than hurt. 

“Cause they’re my family.” Your tears began to silently fall.

“Look, peaches.  I know you love’em, but you’re grown,  You make your own choices.”

“I know,” you agreed. 

“You decide who to be with. Ellie loves Riley. They’re a family now, the two of them. I shouldn’ta stopped her, right?” 

“Right,” you whispered.

“We’ll be our own family, darlin’. You and me.” 

Tears stopped up your nose and you sniffled, unsure if it could be that simple. “That’s what I want,” you whispered. 

“That’s what we’ll do,” he reassured you.   

“I just worry about, I don’t know.  Maybe it’s not the same as going off with someone my age.” 

“Ah,” Joel said. “You think they’d have a problem with it bein’ me.”

“I dunno, what do you think?” you asked him. 

“I sure hope not, but you know’em better, baby.”

You sighed and stared at the water.

Joel continued, “I hope they want you to be with who you love. But if they don’t, is that gonna stop ya?”

“I hope not.” 

“You . . .hope not?” His heart pounded under you. 

His voice became serious and less measured.  “It’s up to you and me, darlin’. We’re the ones who decide.  No one else.” 

You nodded, sighed, and wiped your eyes.  The tub squeaked under him as he shifted so you could look at each other. You met his eyes for a moment, and he brushed a tear off your cheek.  He brought a hand to cup your cheek.  You looked down and continued,  “I just don’t see how–” 

“Marry me, peaches.”  He said it softly, but it seemed to echo off the porcelain. Your heart went to your throat as you kept hearing it in your head. You stammered, “What?” and he just nodded. You asked, “How?”

“Marriage is just a decision.  It means we decide we’re our own family, just the two of us, and nothin’ can take us apart.”  

You softly gasped. “Joel. . . .” 

“Ain’t that just what we want?” You were still processing it when he asked again, “that’s what you want, right?” 

Your heart raced. You wanted it, you just didn’t see how it could be that simple. “Yeah, it’s what I want, but-”

“Then what’s the ‘but’ if bein’ together is all that matters?” 

You must have looked upset, because he became apologetic. “I’m sorry darlin’, I know it’s a lot, learnin’ how all this works.”  He cupped your cheek again. “I’m givin’ you my heart right now.” Looking into his eyes in that moment, feeling his skin on yours, you’d never been more sure of anything. 

You reassured him, “There’s no ‘but’. I’m giving you mine, too.” 

He closed his eyes and sighed.  When he opened them again, they were watery.  

“I’m gonna ask you again, and I’m serious.” 

“Okay,” 

“Will you marry me,” he said in a near-whisper. 

You looked from his eyes to his mouth and back and the how didn’t matter anymore.  You nodded.  “Yes,” you whispered.  “That’s what I want.”

He exhaled and choked on a tearful laugh of relief, then he nodded with you.  “I know it is, baby.” He kissed you long and soft on the lips.  “But it feels good to make it official.”  He wrapped his arms around you tight and kissed you on the head, then laid back against the tub, bringing you with him so you were both laid back, facing the faucet again.  

—--------

“So what now?” You asked.  “How do you make it official?”

“Well, I reckon it is, baby,” he said above your head.  Your heart jumped, and not in a bad way. It felt like you were in a good dream. 

He stroked your sides. “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

You asked, “We don’t have to do anything else?”

Joel sighed, then mused, “I reckon we could dress up nice and do somethin’ to celebrate.” 

“Like what?” You adjusted your position between his legs.

He lowered his voice. “Like whatever you want.” He brought his lips to your ear. “Whatever you really, really want.” Your clit twitched and you were unsure if the gush between your legs was blood or arousal.  You didn’t look to check. 

“Really?”

“If you’re ready.”

“Now?”

“How ‘bout tomorrow, if you’re feelin’ better?”

“Yeah. . .”

He kissed you on the cheek again, then you turned your head for your lips to meet his.  He pulled back to look at you and your tears of fear–fear of being without him–had been replaced by tears of relief.  Hearing his conviction and seeing it on his face, that was what you needed.  It was just a conversation, but somehow, it changed everything.  If no one could take you and Joel apart, and you felt like you had what you needed forever.  

He moved back to be fully behind you again and let you relax so you weren’t craning your neck to kiss him.  He sighed and his big hands roved your front, one of them coming to rest on your breast.  

His voice echoed hoarsely in the bathtub nook. “I love you, baby.” 

“I love you, too.” 

He pulled you closer into him and his cock twitched against your lower back.  “We’re gonna have a beautiful life together.”  

“Yeah,” you agreed.

Joel said, “As long as we’re together, that’s all we need, right?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. It felt too good to be true. 

—------------------

Joel held both your breasts with you lying back against him in the tub.  He palmed them over the waterline, then released the light pressure and used his palms to graze your nipples in light circles until they hardened. The desire that grew between your legs drowned out any echo of the cramps that led you into the bath.  

His other hand carefully slid down between your legs.  He fingered your floating curls, caressed your mound, then his whole hand cupped your bleeding seam. He used that hand to gently pull you into him and his manhood swelled against you.  Then he brought his hand up to your lower abdomen and lightly stroked your skin. “How ya feelin’?” he murmured. 

“So much better,” you said. 

“I can kiss it even better if ya want.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“Course I don’t. . . if ya don’t want.” His cock jumped and he sighed.  “Let’s get ready for bed.  How ‘bout that.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded.  

“Wanna rest in bed a li’l bit?” His voice told you he didn’t want to rest.  

“Yeah,” you nodded.  Even if he wouldn’t be inside you that night, you finally knew when it would be.  It felt less cruel. 

Joel pushed himself up onto the ledge behind you, the firm tip of his cock grazing up your lower back, then stepped out onto the bath mat.  He tied a towel around himself, leaving a significant tent, then held out a hand. You held onto him for balance as you stepped out, and he wrapped a towel around you.  You dried yourself off, then bundled up in the bath robe.  Joel grabbed another towel from the linen closet on his way out of the restroom.

“Just the nightgown, baby. Nothin’ else.” 

While you were upstairs changing, he dried himself off, combed his hair, got dressed for bed, and laid a towel out on the comforter.   

—--------

Joel was sitting on the side of the bed in his boxers and t-shirt when you walked in wearing just the nightgown. He opened his arms for you, and you stood between his knees.  He held your hands and just looked at you for a few seconds, taking in all of you. His eyes watered.  

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he wrapped his hands around your ass and buried his face between your breasts.  He looked up at you and his eyes were still sparkling when he said, “So, so beautiful.” He guided you to lie down on the towel.

He kneeled on the bed, nudged your knees apart, and got between your legs.  He lifted your nightgown up and planted a kiss on your mound, then your clit, before hovering over your body and putting his arms down on either side of your abdomen.  He lowered himself as close as possible while being careful not to put any pressure where he thought you might be hurting. At that point, you were only aching for him. 

He gave you a deep, long kiss on the lips then kissed each of your breasts and let his hips lay into the bed between your legs. It all started gentle, but he was overtaken by lust. He dipped his head to suck your neck, and as he dragged his lips down your chest, his eyes closed and his brows knitted together.   

He lowered your nightgown under your breasts.  His jaw flexed as he sucked the bottom of your breast, and a brush of his nose hardened your nipple. 

Your back arched and your whole body erupted in goosebumps.  He moaned into your skin as he sucked one breast and palmed the other.  His ass flexed as his hips rocked into the bed.  You wished his hips were rocking into you instead.  You wrapped your legs around him and your knees under his arms urged him up toward you.  “Joel, please.” 

“Don’t wanna hurt ya, darlin’.”   

“You’re not gonna.” You tried to pull him up more urgently, dying for his loins against yours. He read your face and cracked half a smile. You must have looked so desperate. 

“Okay, baby,” he whispered and let you pull him just where you wanted him. Oh god, the wave of arousal his hardness sent through your body.

“Can you take off your clothes,” you whispered. 

He wordlessly slipped out of his t-shirt and boxers and the sight of his erection made you weak.  He let you wrap your legs around him and pull him into you again. His hard cock met your mound. He sighed at the skin-to-skin contact and a look of pain spread over his face.  He lowered himself more, pressing his arousal against you, nudging your clit.  You whimpered as a bolt of need shot through your already weeping core. 

“I’m ready,”  you said.  “I want you inside me.” 

“Almost,” he replied. “Tomorrow, remember?”

You groaned in frustration.  “Is it because of my period?”

“Course not, baby.”  He kissed his way down your stomach and put your thighs over his shoulders.  He planted a kiss on your clit, then licked into your seam.  He moaned and prodded your entrance with his tongue, then swirled it around your clit, his hips rocking into the mattress again.  He let one leg down and fingered you before devouring you with his mouth again. You could feel it building in your belly, but it wasn’t how you wanted to come.  You wanted to feel him. 

“Come back,” you whined.  “Please. I wanna feel you against me, like the first time you made me come.”  He slid his fingers out of you, and tore his mouth away, wiping both on his discarded boxers.  

He held his cock as he looked at your body with heavy eyelids. He got in position between your legs, swiped the head of his cock through your slick, and laid his shaft onto your mound.  He leaned forward, kissed you deeply and the stiffness of his arousal was hot against your skin.  You throbbed as he began to grind against you. You ached to be filled by him.  Only one more day, but it felt too long. 

He swiped his cock between your legs to get it wet again, and he hesitated with the swollen head at your entrance.  “Ohh, baby,” he sighed, lingering with his tip right there, where only a push of his hips would do it. 

Your whole body went weak as it tried to suck him in.  

You asked, “Can you try it, just a little bit?” 

“Oh, darlin’,” he groaned.  He shook his head no, then brought his tip back above your clit. His cock slid hard and wet against you.  

“Please Joel,” you begged.  “To make sure I'm ready.”  You held his arms with both hands. "Tomorrow can’t be perfect if I’m not ready."

He laughed softly.  “You want it that bad, don’t ya.”

He leaned over you and kissed your head, then your lips.  Once again, he gathered your wetness with the tip of his cock, making your walls twitch. He pressed the tip firmly against your most sensitive place and exhaled raggedly as you throbbed against him.  He used his tip to massage your swollen clit.  Your chest swelled with a sigh and arch of your back.  He closed his eyes and groaned,  and the distress on his face told you he was hanging onto his last shred of restraint.

“Put it in, just a little,” you whispered.  

“Just a little,” he finally agreed. 

—----

He put your knees up a little bit, then aligned his body over yours and nudged your entrance with the head of his cock.  It felt so right.  You’d never wanted anything as bad as you wanted him.  He pushed the curve of his tip in just far enough to stay notched there as he hovered over you with both arms on the bed. The crown still wasn’t breaching your walls, but when he looked down at you and pushed a little further, you felt a slight burn with the stretch.   

“How’s it feel,” he asked.  

“G, g, good,” you whimpered. “So good.” 

He laughed silently at how much was left to go. 

“Am I ready enough? Can you tell?”

“Let’s see, baby.”  He slowly pushed his hips forward, giving you his entire massive tip and you groaned. It felt even better than you imagined. 

“Just a little more,” you whined. 

He pushed a smidgen further.  The stretch felt like you were being spread open and made into something else, something combined with him. You felt your face contorting and your spine arched with the beautiful stretch. “Oh Joel,” you gasped. “I—it-”

“Breathe, baby.” 

He brought his hips back ever so slightly, then moved it in and out of you in small, shallow pulses.  It felt so right, your eyes welled up in tears. 

“That’s all, baby,” he whispered. “That’s all for now,” but he kept doing it, pushing just slightly in and out of you. You watched his arms flex and his face twist as he kept giving you the tip. 

“Ah,” He bit his lip as he gently fucked you with his tip. “Oh God, I wanna–ohh,” he cut himself off with a groan, then sighed, "wanna stuff my whole self inside ya baby." 

“Please do it,” you begged. “please-”

“Oh, fuck—"

"Don't stop-”

“-i, i–i gotta”  He groaned, then pulled out.  He held his cock while he lifted his knees to straddle you and press your thighs together.  Then he slid his cock between your thighs, right up against your folds.  He thrust into your thighs just twice and came, slowly moving it back and forward, painting your folds with his warm seed.  “Feel–feel too good, baby.”

The pulsation of his cock sent you for your own orgasm. You gasped and writhed and whimpered his name as you came against his cock.  You were hugging his cock so tight, your pulsations beating into each other’s loins so hard. 

He lowered his weight onto you as you both finished. Then he got on his side next to you. 

"I want you to do that inside me " you told him. 

He dipped his fingers between your legs, into his cum.

"Want me to fill ya up with that?" 

"Yeah."

"Leave it inside ya?" 

"Yeah."

He whistled silently, then murmured, "can't wait to, baby."  His face was pink and his temples glistened. 

He kissed you on the lips, then you laid in silence for a minute. 

You sighed and said, "that felt really good, being full of you like that."

"Ohh, darlin'," he laughed. "''m afraid ya don't know what full means." He read your eyes, kissed you tenderly, then whispered, "Yet." 

You bit your lip, then he kissed you again. 

“I’ll run the shower for ya.”  Joel went to the bathroom and the water turned on in the standing shower. 

You followed him, and as he checked the water temperature you asked,  “Am I gonna have your last name?” 

“I reckon ya do,” he said and planted a kiss on your lips. 

—-----------

After your shower, you got dressed for bed again, and Joel asked you to sleep with him.  He dozed off quickly, but you didn’t.  You were too excited.  Once you did drift off, you slept light.

In the middle of the night, you heard a vehicle and urgently woke Joel up. He didn't hear it.

“I swear, Joel,” you insisted, but it stopped. 

“It’s okay, baby,” he reassured you. “Just a dream.”  

He held you and kissed you until your heart rate slowed and you drifted off to the feeling of his breathing. 

—----------

PSA. 💒 According to Joel, they're married now. They just are, that's all there is to it. Only thing left to do is "celebrate" 🍆

------------

THANK YOU sooo much for reading and engaging!! I appreciate your comments, discussion, sharing, and reblogs so much, I can't even tell you. Especially when I get labeled so quickly so often. I love you guys! I see you in the wild and I'm like, aw I love them.

And if you're new - I also have another dbf!Joel series, non-horror, but still somewhat of a twist (Trouble AU) at the top of my joel master list. The master list also has a virgin section lol.

-----------

All Joel:@ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea@evyiione@xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious@chernayawidow@ambassadortotrilliusprime@not-a-unique-snowflake-blog@jasminespringtime @romanarose@fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore@blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires@taeslarityy@str84pedro@lokanda @kyloispunk @filthfairy@fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine@worhols@fan-fiction-floozy@cutesyscreenname  @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl@feministfanboi@gracieispunk@prettypartyfavor@am-3-thyst@babeincolor@milla-frenchy@switchbladedreamz@within-the-depths@am-3-thyst@may-machin@pedromania91 @sloanexx@paleidiot

@gab-thelamb-onthemoon

[unclewaynemunson]

CW for body issues and negative thoughts surrounding weight gaining

Cold autumn air has fallen over Hawkins for the first time in months. Steve reaches into the back of his closet to find his favorite sweater, the dark red one that his grandmother made him when he was in his junior year. The wool still feels just as soft in his hands as it was last year.

He pulls it over his head, welcoming the warmth it immediately gives off around him, but it feels tighter than he remembers it being. He pulls and adjusts the fabric, then gives himself a critical look in the mirror, and - fuck. It must've shrunk somehow. He messed up his favorite sweater.

But... The last time he wore it, on that one cold night at the end of April, it still fit him perfectly. He remembers that night clearly: they were all sitting around a campfire in the trailer park for Wayne's birthday, and Eddie had kept looking at him like that sweater was causing all kinds of unholy thoughts - partly the reason why it's Steve's favorite.

The sweater can't possibly have shrunk lying unused in the back of his closet for months. It didn't shrink; Steve has grown.

Suddenly, he looks at himself in the mirror and sees a whole other person. He zeroes in on all kinds of details he had never paid much attention to before, and he wonders how he could've ever missed what was happening to him: his expanding belly, the fat that has gathered around his hips, his stretched-out thighs... His upper legs are looking more chubby than muscled now that he stopped swimming regularly, and his sweater is tight around his upper arms and too narrow over his belly, the imprint of his belly button clearly visible in the stretched-out fabric.

He has no idea for how long he has been staring at himself when the bedroom door opens and Eddie comes in, still roughly brushing a towel over his wet hair. He's wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. Again, Steve wonders how he could ever have missed the way his body changed, especially next to Eddie: Eddie, who has always been lean, on the verge of being scrawny, his ribs almost visible underneath his tattooed skin and not a single curve in sight.

Eddie freezes in his tracks when he notices Steve, his eyes hovering over the red sweater. Steve feels caught, exposed under Eddie's gaze. He must be coming to the same conclusion that Steve had reached a minute before: that Steve's best days are behind him. That he's getting fat and that his body will only deteriorate further from now on. That he stopped taking good care of himself. That he's only going to get uglier with age.

'Sorry,' he's quick to say when Eddie won't stop staring. He turns his body away from Eddie's gaze, and starts rummaging around in his closet to find something with a looser fit. 'I didn't realize it wouldn't fit anymore, I'm gonna get changed right away. I suppose the red isn't really your color, but you can have it if you want to, I'm sure it'll fit you perfectly.'

He feels hands grabbing the underside of the sweater from behind.

'No.'

'What?'

He turns around, facing Eddie again, who now fists his hands into the sides of the fabric instead.

'Don't you dare take this off. Only one person is allowed to do that from now on, and that person is me.' There's a look in Eddie's eyes that Steve only recognizes from very different settings, like when he used to get home after a run all sweaty, or when one of them sinks to his knees in front of the other.

'What is happening?' he mumbles under his breath.

'You, in this tight sweater?' Eddie's voice is low and breathy. 'You are a fucking dream, Steve Harrington.'

Steve takes a step backwards, but Eddie's hands stay plastered right where they are.

'Are you making a fool of me?'

Eddie frowns and he finally lets his grip on Steve's sweater go.

'Why would you think that?'

Steve huffs, needlessly gestures to his own body. 'I look ridiculous!' he points out, unable to keep the frustration out of his voice. 'It doesn't fit anymore, I let myself get fat, I'm getting old and ugly, I–'

With one step, Eddie is right in front of Steve again, shutting him up by placing his index finger against Steve's lips.

'Not another word,' he says. 'I don't want to hear you talk like that about yourself ever again. You got it all wrong, you know. I mean, don't get me wrong, you were already hella sexy in your jock days, but your soft pillow belly is, like, the closest one can get to heaven here on earth.'

It should be too much, it should sound insincere because of how dramatic it is - but Steve is used to Eddie's dramatics and he can see that Eddie is being one hundred percent serious right now.

'You are the sexiest man I know, and every pound you've gained is a beautiful one. You are gorgeous, Steve – and you will keep being gorgeous and sexy in every shape you'll get.' His hands are roaming over Steve's sweater again, comforting and hungry at the same time. 'I do have to ask you not to wear this sweater outside of our house, though. It'll cause riots. People might die because of it.'

He looks dead serious saying it, and Steve can't help but laugh before he tugs Eddie closer and presses their lips together.

[poppy-metal]

the notes... the notes....

they start off so sweet. art almost thought it wasn't meant for him until the second one showed up. the first one showed up on his gym bag. he'd left it on the bleachers. inside is a full page of just saccharine praise and admiration and a rave review of him. i learned about tennis just for you. you're so beautiful out there, so beautiful period. i've never seen someone like you. it's like watching and angel. the praise fills him up so much that he can't notice the glaring concerns. i know you're gonna be one of the greatest. you won't forget me then, will you? i don't know if i could live if you did. it's just the start of his fan mail.

the notes seem to follow him. it's not just on his gym bag. it's under his door, on his car windshield, the seat he always sits in for this class, and in his locker in the locker room (that's when he starts to get a little concerned). he knows he should throw them away. that he should be creeped out and disgusted even but... he likes them. he finds himself excited instead of scared when he spots the familiar envelope. they comfort him.

he loses a match and goes to a party to blow off steam. when he returns to his car, there's a note and a bag from a nearby store. his favorite candy inside. you go on and on on the note about how he was wronged. you were so amazing out there. those people know nothing. that asshole will get what he deserves. don't be upset baby, mommy will make it all better. your still the best. still my favorite. he finds himself re-reading the notes when he's upset. it doesn't reach him that the guy he lost to had his tires and windows smashed.

he isn't sure how to handle it at first when your notes become lustful. you'd never hid your affection for him. i mean, the back of your letters were always covered in kiss marks. but then you mention how turned on watching him play makes you. can't resist it for long, have to get my fingers inside me soon enough. you just sound so good. when you groan or when you curse. are you like that in bed? how you just know you could make him feel good. feel better than any other girl could make him including that fucking bitch girl he's "dating" (because in reality, he's dating you). i would never let anyone else touch me. won't use anything other than my fingers because i want to save myself for you. i'm only yours even if your confused about being mine.

art knows they shouldn't turn him on but he can't help it. finds his cock getting hard while he reads them. it's even worse when you start sending him polaroids of your tits and cunt. you look so slick in the photos, some your just spreading yourself open for him and others your fingers are inside of you. art feels guilty when he jerks off to them but he always adds them to the little box where he saves everything you've sent him.

- ☕

i literally had a dream about this that's how insane i am about being arts little creep <33

he keeps them in a shoebox under his bed - if anyone found it he'd say hes 'collecting evidence' to turn you in but really its because they mean something to him. he reads them on days when he cant even leave his room he feels so shitty, the sweet notes that tell him how amazing he is. you dont know it, and its oddly touching, but you've gotten him through the worst of his self hatred - the days where he could fucking shrink in on himself and fade into nothing, and then he reads your notes and he remembers there's someone out there who thinks this highly of him. who sees him and likes him - it gets him out of bed. he finds himself hoping that if you're having a bad day - that seeing him out and about is enough to cheer you up.

Its like this weird kind of bond that form even though he doesn't fucking know you. you become codependent anyway. he finds himself wondering about you more and more, in lectures, he'll idly glance around the room and wonder if any of the people his eyes bounce over could be you - he wonders if there's something about you that would give you away if he really really studied each and every person around him.

one day his eyes do land on you - you're taking notes because to stalk art you have to actually stay in college which means you do have to learn and study, unfortunately - and you feel his eyes on the side of your face, and you burn up inside. your palm starts sweating and you're half panicked half excited, is he gleaning anything? what is he thinking when he looks at you? you want to know so fucking badly. but you dont look up - sure that if you did you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from communicating everything with your gaze. and its not time.

what art is thinking is - you're cute. he hasn't really noticed you before, but he thinks you have a cute nose. he notes a birthmark next to your mouth. he thinks the glitter pen you're writing with is endearing. but you dont look up at him, so you're not his girl (his girl, when had he started thinking that?) - and he looks away, the small moment fades from his mind by the end of the lecture.

and when you start sending him pictures - he can't help it. there's been a worry, of course, that his stalker could very well be some greasy man or someone completely grotesque - but, god. the gleam of your cunt - the way your pretty fingers hold yourself open - he can see your little clit -

the note makes him groan i can't hold back anymore. i want you to see what you do to me - its not enough just to tell you. you make me so wet. i dont even have to warm up for it just thinking about you is enough to get me messy enough that my fingers just slide in. just my fingers though, i promise. i want my hymen to be broken on your cock - i want you to be my first. i belong to you.

beats his dick raw to the picture you send him over the weeks and eventually it gets to the point where he's wondering if he can take this - he feels insane - really insane - he thinks about writing you back. about putting a note of his own in the places you always leave one for him, so that when you go to put it there - you'll see his.

he thinks better of it. talks himself out of it. jerking off to pictures of your pussy you willingly send is one thing - actively engaging with you is a whole other ballpark. unless it was to tell you to leave him alone, there's absolutely no reason to. he'd be telling you its okay - he'd be enabling this obviously concerning behavior. he wont do it.

its just. you said you'd do anything for him. anything at all. would you send him a video, if he asked? would you show him more of you? he's been thinking about what your fingers would look like pumping in and out - the sounds of your pussy - if you said his name - would you get into degrading positions for him? how far would you go while still concealing your identity?

he doesn't need to know. it'd be fucking deranged to push you.

but you said you'd do anything. he's your prince, isn't he? if he wants to see more you'd have to listen. you'd have to.

[vxnuslogy]

— love is (ir)rational. ft. veritas ratio

— warnings: angst and breakups

— author's note: incredibly self-indulgent and heavily influenced by tiktoks and mitski songs. the last statement is from this article so please give it a read since its very interesting !!

to say that your relationship with veritas ratio was hanging by a thread was an understatement.

you tried your hardest to sweep every argument at night when you enter his office under the rug and prayed to the aeons that he'd forget it when morning came; you never learned how to deal with confrontation, so you did what you do best: avoid the situation entirely at all cost.

playing as the fool who couldn't see the cracks in your already fragile situation with ratio but still clinged onto the tiniest of hopes that everything will be fixed. that no argument between you two would actually leave you to split paths. you always found a way to one another, a middle ground you had unspokenly created. you always made it work. you had to make it work.

“this is not going to work, [name]!” he shouts as you fight back tears.

“you don't know that! we always make it work don't we, veritas? you can't just decide stuff like this on your own!” you argue with him the best you could, but veritas ratio was a genius. 

you will never win an argument against him.

“this is hurting us. you.” he sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “we can't continue like this, and you know it.”

“then continue to hurt me.” you desperately try to claw into your lover's mind. trying to keep any piece of him because it was better to not have anything at all. “i don't care if it hurts, veritas! if it's you then it's fine, i can look past it.”

you look like a scared animal, desperate for love and the need to feel something, even if it was pain.

“we'll be fine, veritas.” you clutch onto your shirt as tears pricked your eyes. “we have to! you promised me!”

ratio was a logical man. he was a genius. someone who should've been acknowledged by nous themselves. but at this very moment, he realizes that no amount of academic knowledge will compare to the flurry of the unknown emotional wreckage that is you. someone who thinks too much of love. bewitched with the prospect of love instead of their actual partner - him.

“veritas, please… we can still make this work.”

the diplomas of his achievements were a farce; a big hoax to hide the hollowness that resides within where his heart should be.

“you and i both know that we were both too far gone to save.”

ratio closes his eyes. trying his best to rid the hurt and shrinking image of you from his mind. 

“you don't know how to love yourself.” you avoided the truth to protect yourself, he traversed the universe to make the truth known. “how can you expect me to give you the love you want when you don't even know what it is?”

what an ugly pair you two make.

“that's bullshit!” you were gasping for air. scavenging your mind to try and find a way to refute him like you always do. “i want you, veritas! do you not understand that?”

“no.” he answered with a shake of his head. “no, i do not, [name].”

you feel your already broken heart crack a little more.

“that stuff is all bullshit.” your whisper now was just above whisper. “so what if what you said is true? you loved me at least didn't you?”

veritas didn't like the way you looked at him. so full of loneliness and fear. that look didn't suit you, not in the slightest.

“that's all i needed, veritas. you loved me so much i forgot what it felt like to hate myself.”

to love means to surrender intellectual control; veritas ratio cannot rationalize love even if you told him otherwise. but there was one thing you didn't tell him - one thing you refused to tell veritas ratio.

‘if your partner has inherently good qualities, but your love for them is based on a projection of your fantasy onto them, your love does not fit the qualities of the beloved that fueled your love. your love fails to be epistemically justified.’

— [name], ????. the emotion that is love.

© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.

[russellsppttemplates]

hey! this is my first time requesting something so i’m not too sure what to ask for !

would love to see some oscar fluff tho 🥹🥹

Note: I'm happy you sent in a request, feel free to always share your ideas! 🫶 also, this was totally not written from personal experience 🙄

Tw: reader accidentally gets hurt

Dating an athlete meant that your holidays would often include adventurous plans like hikes and trails. For this afternoon, Oscar wanted to check out a hike near the beach where you could walk along the coastline.

"You don't have to go if you don't want, love", Oscar assured you as you put on your sports bra, "I want to, it's supposed to be very beautiful and it's a nice change of scenery from the pool", you smiled, getting your trainers, "these should be okay, right? I only have sandals and flip-flops and those are definitely not appropriate footwear", you reasoned, "yes, I don't think it will be slippery, more dusty I think", your boyfriend offered, grabbing his own trainers so he too could lace them and you could get going.

It started quite easily, the steps carved into the rocks from erosion clear and well limited, making you follow Oscar quite easy, "wow, look how blue the sea is!", he gasped as you reached a balcony like area looking out the coast line, waves hitting the rocks and turning into white foam.

"It says here the water line can go up and cover all of those rocks completely", you read on the wooden and metal informative plaque, pointing with your fingers, "Osc!", you squealed when you noticed he was taking a photo of you, "at least warn me first so I can sort myself out!".

"You look beautiful, love", he smiled, shoving his phone back in his pocket and circling his arms around your waist.

"I am sweaty and shiny from the suncream and my hair is all tangled from the wind", you pouted as you tamed down the little hairs that never seemed to lay flat unless they had a lot of product on them.

"You look lovely, believe me", he stole a quick kiss, "let's continue?", he urged, pulling you with him.

The trail started to shrink as the flat ground approached the line where the rock stopped and a couple of feet wrong and you'd be down in the rocky wall in no time, "can you hold my hand, please?", you murmured to Oscar, stretching your hand out while the other one was already grasping the safety steel railing chord, "here, I won't let go, I promise", your boyfriend assured as he laced your hand in his.

"We climbed all of this, so now we have to go down, be careful, okay?", he warned after you had taken a rest break to admire the view.

"It's fine, I'll be careful", you added, getting up and following him down. You didn't see one of the steps, so you went right over it, not measuring the distance properly and falling on your butt.

At the yelp you let out, Oscar was quick to turn around and help you, "are you okay, Y/N?", he asked, checking over any injuries, noticing a little cut on your thigh and a graze on your elbow.

"Just bumps and scratches - and a sore butt", you pouted, accepting his hand to be pulled up to a standing position, "can you walk all the way back or fo you want me to carry you?", he wondered, "I'm fine to walk", you smiled, kissing his cheek and carrying on.

As soon as you arrived back at the hotel, Oscar stopped by the reception to ask for a first aid kit, taking it with you to the room so he could help.

"I'm sorry it stings, love", he pouted, kissing your thigh to distract you as he made sure the wound was clean and disinfected, "but it's looking good", he kissed your thigh one last time before moving up to your arm, seeing you had already cleaned it, "I can't put the protective band-aid", you explained, having him help you with it too.

"We can stay here for a bit before you go to lunch, how does that sound?", he suggested as he pulled you to cuddle him, "that sounds good", you kissed his lips before making yourself comfy, "my clumsy girl", he kissed the top of your head.

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)