#i know i serve no one by shrinking myself for their sake

[shamelessdisplay]

Mental health has been kind of a struggle as of recent. Last week it was just not being able to get a good night's sleep all week, and this week it's more about insecurities striking up for me. I am really thankful for my relationship in many ways, and it has been hard because it feels like I'm having to face many of my insecurities in rotation which is exhausting. I know it's good for me, and I've improved over time with them, but it's hard to keep pushing through some of this stuff when it leaves me feeling like I can barely squeeze words out about it. Not to mention long distance can be tough on a relationship already. I know it'll be okay, but it just sucks a bit right now

[acalamity]

author's note

another scrapped scene (chapter 40.5 so there are spoilers). I was asking myself what would the peak of their devotion in a moment looked like— and realised later on it was implicit. on another note, I may be writing for the girls soon but that may take a while

content warning: (implied) mature content

synopsis: everything he is, everything he has been and may be is yours; completely and faithfully yours.

lookism! jake kim x fem! reader

more under the wubbaboo!!

In the tense and raw silence, you bandaged him up. There was so much to say, yet there was nothing said at all. Jake Kim had once vanished from your life, him and the rest of Big Deal squeezed into the corners of your mind, yet never freeing you from the memories you held of it. He thinks he should try again; let you be free from the burden of romance, from the burden of Big Deal.

To let you live without restraint— he'd like to see it to. So why were you here now, nursing his injuries to health and wiping the stray splotches of blood on his skin away? Be free, don't let me bound you, he wanted to say, though the words never made it out of his throat.

". . . Let's go. Your mother will be waiting." Easily, he stood up and nodded, hand wandering to your back before he shook his head and offered a smile instead. His words came with a light-hearted chuckle, carried by currents of strain as you two left Lightning Choi's house, "Yeah, mom will be mad."

In your shortened lifetime, you didn't think you would eventually meet Jake's mother, the one he left out of spite for his father. Yet here you were now, sitting in front of the stern woman with a set of piping hot tea upon the table, "Thank you for having us over. I brought some—"

The woman urged the basket of fruits in your hands away, and you were met with the tiniest smile enveloped in warmth, "There is no need. Now that you are here, you must be important to my son. So I'm sure you know our family history. But just in case. . ."

It's only after your head is filled with the words: 'Gapryong that bastard' and 'good for nothing' does the woman stop, "So if this good for nothing son of mine takes after his father in this aspect as well. . ."

An annoyed groan, "Mom. . ."

The lady reached out to your hand, placing her aging palm over the back of your hand, thumb moving with little soothing motions across your skin, ". . . you should feel free to tell me."

And though she said that, you were asked to cut and serve the fruits a minute later— leaving some time for the mother and son to talk in private. The mother scrutinized her son from head to toe, then she scoffed, "Do you know how it feels to see your gangster son run away and come back as a wanted man? With a girl at that?"

"Mom. . ."

"My useless son. . ." Minseon sighed, "do you plan on marrying her? Will you leave her like your father did to me?"

"It's too early for that." Jake mumbled, shrinking under the woman's gaze, "And I won't do that. . . I know our future's uncertain but I won't leave her. Whatever she chooses, I'll accept it without question because. . ."

"You like her." The elder stated, "Then why are you here? For your mother's approval? That doesn't seem right."

"[Name] wanted to meet you, she wants us to get along." Jake admitted, almost sheepishly. The woman huffed, "For your sake, I presume."

"What a nice girl." The woman let out a breath, "Then what? You're not going to visit your old mom much anyways. Does she know about your criminal history or the posters out for your head?"

"Mom. . . She was the one who sent me to jail."

Minseon paused, before amusement returned in her eyes and she let out something akin to a snort and laugh. She looks pleased, Jake thinks, watching his mother critically, "Good, she keeps you in check."

"Alright," the woman started after a moment of silence. Her words come with an air of finality, "tell her to visit. Off you go now."

The way back home is silent, yet Jake seems a bit content, you see it in the silent gleam of his eyes. You don't say a word until you return to Lightning Choi's house. Now, the two of you are situated in the kitchen, Jake staring through a window as you bustled about, making a set of rice balls Lightning Choi had asked for the other day, "How was it?"

"Not bad. She likes you, I think." I think, because he could never really tell what his mother was thinking. Then you saw his eyebrows furrow and a pensive silence fill the atmosphere. You're not sure what going on in his head now, so you asked, "What are you thinking about now?"

"We didn't have to go. In the end, mom ended up giving you a lecture and you didn't get to talk with us much." Jake replied, softly, gently, and tenderly, the same way a lover would whisper to their other. He frowned, seemingly very troubled, "I'm sorry."

In the corner, the sink twinkled under the late afternoon light. Jake continued spouting apologies, "I'm sorry about Big Deal too, you ended up getting hurt beyond what I expected. Even Johan and Samuel have now been taken by Workers. . . Sorry about that."

"I also never got to thank you for staying with me." Jake continued as you slowly opened the tap, letting droplets fall from the pipe one by one. He recalled his silence before he introduced you to his mom, "And my attitude earlier today, even when you were taking care of me. . . I'm sorry for that too."

"I'm. . . sorry for everything." Jake mumbled, head casted down onto the floor. For a moment, you said nothing but he could hear the sound or rushing water. Then, abruptly, he felt a cold sensation spreading upon his face, sending tingles down his spine. You flicked your hand in his direction, sending drops of tap water through the golden light to fall across his face. Once .ore, you flicked your hand, smiling as though you weren't causing a mess, "I enjoyed meeting your mom."

"Big Deal is precious and irreplaceable to me, and I'm sure Johan and Samuel helped of their own violation. Wherever they are, I promise you, we'll find them." You closed the gap and approached the leader, placing your soaked hand upon his cheek. Jake blinked, once, twice as you spoke, his mind hazy and body frozen, "I'm happy to be there for you when you're troubled. I want to be there when you're at your lowest."

"And," a streak of water was spread across his nose and his left eye as your gazes met. You took his trembling hand in yours, squeezing to with the reassurance of the unfailing sun. Your eyes glimmered under the soothing orange light, the illuminated smile upon you casting all his worries away, bringing in his pounding heartbeat instead, "you are Big Deal, Jake. No matter how uncertain the future may be, I won't regret."

In the next moment, there was a firm grip on your hand as you were tugged forward, and Jake's face was right in front of you. With an amused grin, he rubbed his nose against yours, spreading the dampness across your skin as well, "What are you. . ."

The leader chuckled as his arm circled around you, keeping you in place next to him, "Thank you, [Name]."

It's only when he pressed his cheek against yours do you realise what he was trying to do. You squirmed, fingers falling onto his dripping cheek, "Jake, don't you dare. . ."

"You started this, right?"

"No way. . ." You attempted to push his face away, failing when he brought his other arm around you and pressed his own head into your palm. Before long, through the sound of dripping water drops from right beside you and the mild dampness within your skin, you found yourself staring at the person before you. Your hand upon the counter shifted back, carrying your weight as Jake rubbed his face into your arm upon his shoulder.

". . . What a mess." You chuckled, wiping a drop away from his temple and letting your weight fall onto the counter. Jake opened an eye, peering right at you amidst the ringing in his ears and the jolts upon his skin. Like putty in your hands, his gaze locked onto your own and he mumbled into your pulse with little whispers, "It's just a little water. . . I can clean it all up."

"There's no need for that. . ." You mumbled, words barely audible as your wits left you as well. Under the setting sun and the intense gazes, all else was washed away, like drawings upon sand swallowed by unrelenting waves.

"We. . ." A squeeze upon your back, and a pounding heartbeat in your heats, "we should clean up."

"Mm, just. . . let me do this for you." Fluttering whispers were pressed onto yoir skin, from your pounding pulse upon your wrist to the pulse below your jaw.

"[Name] [Last name], if you will allow it. . ." With the profound gaze devouring your soul, his plea was whispered below your ear, ". . . grant me the highest honour of devoting all I am to you."

"If. . ." Your heartbeat rang in your ears, vulnerable and bare to the one before you, "If you are certain that you will never regret this, and that this is why you truly desire. . . you may have your way."

In the evening that had barely begun, nothing followed but the simple display of burning affection upon the untouched crevices of your soul.

[2c75ff]

bio;

NAME. Seventeen [Note: word of god apparently states that Seventeen's name, prior to being taken and modified by Dr. Gero, was Lapis. My Seventeen, however, will never remember his old name, whatever it might have been; nor will he choose that one for himself if indeed he ever gets to a point of selecting a name other than his given, numeric moniker.]

GENDER. male ORIENTATION. bisexual; but largely lacks the vocabulary, experience, or compulsion to describe this fact either to others or to himself

HEIGHT. 168 cm / ~5 ft 6 in BODY TYPE. compact, narrow-hipped, and sculpted. Trim, but neither bony nor skinny. POSTURE. head high and shoulders back, never shrinking into himself or shying away from his right to occupy space precisely as he pleases. Prone to a slightly off-center lounge – (rolling his weight onto one leg, crossing his arms or propping a hand on his hip, etc.) – when at ease or in his element. DISTINGUISHING FEATURES. unnaturally vivid, penetrating blue eyes. An aura of cocksure gravity which stands at strange odds with his modest stature. STYLE OF DRESS. favors durability and function over pure aesthetics, but even now seems to have something of a weird little fondness for subtle 'cowboy' or 'ranch hand' flavors. Wears a great deal of denim, flannel, duck canvas, sherpa linings, and brown leather. Doesn't generally wear jewelry apart from the small gold rings in his ears; instead tending to accessorize with items like bandanas, western belts, and 'purpose pieces' such as carabiners or utility knives.

AT HIS BEST. resilient. imaginative. clever. confident. playful. resourceful. self-assured. courageous. curious. strong-willed. adaptable. AT HIS WORST. haughty. reckless. mercurial. unrelenting. moody. stubborn. vain. smug. presumptuous. impulsive. vengeful. goading. stimulation-seeking.

TEMPERAMENT. dry-humored, rebellious, and governed by whim at a glance. Seems, in spite of his droll, 'devil-may-care' individualism, to generally operate within a strange personal matrix of honor and 'fair play' with others, and looks more favorably upon those who exhibit similar tendencies. (After all: what's the point of playing a game if there are no rules to give it context or meaning?) Gravitates most readily to those he sees as somehow eccentric, off-kilter, or 'misfit toys'. Hungry to know himself, and perhaps even to be known by others; but suspicious of others' kindness or curiosity toward him. Pathologically distrustful of anything he perceives as a figurative leash. Sees people as ultimately self-serving, and thus tends to be most comfortable when he feels like he understands what exactly someone stands to gain from him. Is apt to be caught a bit off-guard when people treat him companionably or compassionately simply for the sake of altruism, and perceives such events as debts or favors to be repaid. Would rather do things the interesting way as opposed to strictly the fastest way. Does not seem to possess a traditional education, but is quick to adjust to the unfamiliar. Tends to favor practical, hands-on knowledge and experiences over things like random trivia or hyper-specific academia.

FUNDAMENTAL MOTIVATOR. 'I will never be owned by or helpless to anyone ever again. I belong to no one and am beholden to no one anymore but me. From now on, I'm doing things my way.' FUNDAMENTAL CONUNDRUM. 'Is everything that I think I know about myself simply an output of someone else's invasive programming? Even now, is it someone else's hand upon my wheel instead of my own? Is this the 'real me'? Is there even a 'real me' left?'

[multistoty]

Even a man who’s spent his whole life at sea has reason to fear her when she’s angry, but she loved at fiercely as she lived. Everyone has darkness inside them, however hidden. The fierce dragon of a targaryen roaring in her stomach begged for blood. The part of herself she hated. Time goes on even when we do not.She had always wondered about raindrops.Sbe wondered about how they're always falling down, tripping over their own feet, breaking their legs and forgetting their parachutes as they tumble right out of the sky toward an uncertain end. It's like someone is emptying their pockets over the earth and doesn't seem to care where the contents fall, doesn't seem to care that the raindrops burst when they hit the ground, that they shatter when they fall to the floor, that people curse the days the drops dare to tap on their doors. She was a raindrop. And yet her fire was blazing. To be clothed in spit and her own blood was a thing on its own.But she was a mother bear angry and ready for this revenge.Hate looks like everybody else until it smiles. Find her  a cure for these tears, she’d really like to exhale for the first time in her life. Because she wanted to hurt him. She wanted to say the blood. And that terrified her for that wasn’t what Alicent had created her to be. Thusnelda and Aemond together would be terrifying. The queen. A name she still wasn’t used to. A name Rhaenyra either wanted them killed for or her fanatics did.

Love is a heartless bastard. In this moment,  nothing more than the consequence of catastrophe. Truth is a jealous, vicious mistress that never, ever sleeps. She had told herself, ‘If you hide your heart, he will never be able to take it from you'’. She would no longer be afraid of fear, and she  will not let it rule her.Fear will learn to fear her. Her eyes are two buckets of rainwater: deep, fresh, clear. Hurt. Her mind was a warehouse of carefully organized human emotions.She locked away the things that do not serve her. She had a heart, says science, but she was a monster, says society.Thusnelda is a soft, deadly creature. Kind and timid and terrifying. Helaena was enchanted by her pretend-innocence; jealous, even, of the power she wields so unwittingly. She had always  wanted so much to be a part of her world. She wanted to know what it's like to be in her mind, to feel what she feels. It seems a tremendous weight to carry. They both were such beautiful diasters with people trying to put them in boxes.they were  synonyms but not the same.These letters are all she had left.26 friends to tell my stories to.26 letters are all she needs. She can stitch them together to create oceans and ecosystems. She can fit them together to form planets and solar systems. She can use letters to construct skyscrapers and metropolitan cities populated by people, places, things, and ideas that are more real to me than these 4 walls.She needed nothing but letters to live. Without them she  would not exist. Hell is empty and all the devils are here.Sometimes she wishes she could step outside of herself for a while. She wants to leave this worn body behind, but her chains are too many, her weights too heavy. Why had she never seemed so beautiful as an avenging angel with her hand cracked around the middle of a demons throat? Honestly, her sister was as much a warrior though Aemond took his revenge for his siblings with the kind of valor one would find impossible. “For once, for the sake of my children. You have freedom to do whatever monstrosity you wish. Though- I will not allow myself to look away. If I am queen, I can not give orders or ask so much from those who mean the most to me.I would prefer my nightmares to be of his death than the monstrocity he has created. I need to not be a shrinking violet when you are a lioness. He wished to pull me by my roots from this world to murder my innocent children. This is different. Justice. A woman scorned and a woman delivering that which was failed and necessary is right. I am not the queen my mother was. If that is good or bad is still in the realm of possibility.” Her voice did not shake as her body had. Still, a hand reaching to pull at the embroidered cloth against her face. A slight smile sent to the girls way. The freedom thusnelda had would always covet her. She was more targaryen than Helaena could ever even attempt. ‘We are dragons. And you will feel the weight of our fire”

@thusnelda-targaryen

[lindajenni]

nov 22

following Christ

"and he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me." matt 10:38

i did not say that. our Lord Jesus Christ said that. i see the shallowness of what is commonly called "faith" these days and i wonder how many are constructing their own sword of demise. i think of another warning from our Lord. "because you say, ‘i am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’ — and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked." rev 3:17

i'm not just talking of all the prosperity preachers but those who willingly corrupt scripture to match their evil desires. and then there are those who disguise true worship as entertainment instead of spiritual surrender to the Lord of Glory. "these are spots in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves. they are clouds without water, carried about by the winds; late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots." jude 1:12

we so easily claim the victories of Christ while considering the fellowship of His suffering a lack of faith. "that i may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death." phil 3:10 i wonder if we can really know one without the other.

are we greater than Christ? maybe we'll just step it down a notch. are we greater than the apostle paul? read on. "from the Jews five times i received forty stripes minus one. three times i was beaten with rods; once i was stoned; three times i was shipwrecked; a night and a day i have been in the deep." 2 cor 11:24-25 that not even mentioning the "minor" skirmishes he endured for Christ. and he was not alone in his trials. indeed most of the disciples and early believers shared in the sufferings of Jesus, and in that fellowship they came to know and be known.

i'm not saying we should run towards the misery and anguish, but neither should we shrink from it if it be the cross our Lord has allowed us. "for to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake." phil 1:29 certainly we battle, stand and believe for deliverance, but we trust God is our keeper.

i certainly do not know why one is born into one condition and another not, why hardship is placed on one and another not, why one is graced with visions and supernatural encounters and another not. "Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty. neither do i concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me. surely i have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me." psa 131:1-2

"let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. for He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” heb 13:5 is that not enough for us - to be in the center of His will? "does not the Potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor?" rom 9:21

"therefore i take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. for when i am weak, then i am strong." 2 cor 12:10 it's not about the "i" in me - it's about the "Jesus" in me. "i have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer i who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." gal 2:20

we are not the author of the script or do we decide what part we play. i will not boast in my accomplishments nor drown in my failures. "but in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work." 2 tim 2:20-21

so is there anything at all we can do that might affect our position. the scripture above seems to indicate so. it is only the washing of the water of the word that can cleanse and keep us. all our righteousness is as filthy rags, but we are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. let us wash, wash, wash, and He will transform us into His very own image.

it's not about how good we are, but how useful we are; how obedient. a friend sent me a link to an inspiring video the other day, and i would like to share it with you. the meat of the matter begins at about four minutes in and last for less than ten. if you have limited viewing time. it may be viewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2FZRh97xqw&t=725s

"finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things." phil 4:8

the following is among my favorite scriptures. i have it on my wall and refer to it often. "and He said to them, be careful what you are hearing. the measure of thought and study you give to the truth you hear will be the measure of virtue and knowledge that comes back to you — and more besides will be given to you who hear." mark 4:24 ampc

"Christ in you, the hope of glory." col 1:27

[poeticmediverse]

Self-Liberation..

Letting go has taught me about self-liberation, About finding my own path and my own destination. I used to think that medical school was my only way, But now I see that there's more to life, every single day.

Even if I don't pass the USMLE, it's not the end, I'll find success in whatever I decide to pursue, I've prayed to God for guidance and protection, And I'll trust the journey, even if it's not my own selection.

Letting go is hard, but it's necessary to grow, To outgrow the things that no longer serve us, and let them go. Change is a beautiful challenge, one that we should embrace, We don't have to shrink, we're allowed to find our own space.

I'm learning to walk away from people and places, That don't align with my highest good, that leave no traces. Love can still be at the center of the release, And it's okay to let things be, to find our own peace.

I'm becoming more honest with myself, knowing when to stay, And when it's time to let go, to find my own way. Releasing control brings clarity and inner peace, Even in the uncomfortable seasons of change, I find beauty in release.

Letting go is teaching me about self-liberation, About finding my own purpose and my own affirmation. I'm no longer abandoning myself for the sake of peace, I'm finding my own path, my own liberation, and release.

Zahra Alburkat @poeticmediverse

[griefbacon]

Van Helsing (2004)

Draculas favorite

Dracula x reader

Warnings: suggestive, jealousy

I hissed at Marishka making her back off of the man, “too young, he needs time to age”, I hissed out. She scoffed and flew off, “t- thank you”, I rolled my eyes,”don’t thank me mortal, I’ll kill you myself when you reach the right age”, I licked my teeth at him and he ran away.

I tsked, “Y/n~ it’s almost sunrise, we need to get back to the castle”, Verona called out to me while taking off. I flew after the wives back to the castle, already missing Draculas presence.

Our feet hit the floor in his ‘bedroom’, Egor greeted us with a curt nod before walking away towards the werewolf. The other wives made their way to the ceiling to wait for him to wake up while I closed the curtains, making sure no sun peeked threw.

I heard them laugh as they chattered, I never cared for the other wives, frankly I found them quite annoying, but I put up with them for my husbands sake. I was his first wife, but he convinced me to let him have more so our species could thrive faster, I allowed it, he wouldn’t listen to me anyway.

The cracking of ice brought me back to reality, immediately hearing the other wives gasp and hushed themselves. “Come to me”, the wives didn’t hesitate to jump down, practically crawling towards him with delight. I held back my jealousy, they kissed him all over and he relished in it.

I couldn’t blame him, they were gorgeous women, but that didn’t help the rage burning in my chest. Draculas eyes caught mine and he smirked, “leave us”, his voice boomed. The wives whined and huffed, but nevertheless left. I turned my attention away from him, picking at my nails as I walked up the wall. “Darling-“, my head snapped towards him, I cocked my head condensindingly at him. He seemed to shrink as I jumped down in front of him, giving him all my attention. He tried covering it up with a smirk but I grabbed his face and forced him to his knees.

“Mm”, he leaned into my touch. I scoffed,”for someone supposed to have no feelings anymore, you still seem to know when your pissing me off”, he starred up at me, grinning,”guilty as charged”, I let go of his face, turning away from him, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close.

He nuzzled his head into my neck, sniffing,”your still the same person I married all those years ago”, I tsked. He left a small kiss in the crook of my neck,”still so gorgeous, and jealous of others fawning over me~”. I said nothing and let him continue.

“My dear, you know I care nothing about those women, I’m only ‘married’ to them so they can help populate our species”, I let out a dry laugh, lifting my hand to caress his face from behind, he leaned into the touch and kissed my palm. “For someone who acts as if he hates having more than one partner, you don’t seem to complain when their serving you in bed”.

I can feel him grin in my hand,”I do enjoy it, but their touches could never satisfy me like yours do”, I hummed as he dipped his head into my neck once again, leaving harsh kisses. “How am I supposed to believe you Vlad?”, I grinned as his hands started to wander. “Let me prove it to you darling, let me serve you tonight”, I smiled.

He may have other wives, but we both knew I’d always be his favorite.

[whimsicallyreading]

Dark Roast, No Sugar

“Last night I woke the hell up. I realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah.” - Jon Bellion

Masterlist

Chapter Nine-

Aelin showed up to the police department in a pair of leggings and an oversized shirt. She didn't even bother putting on the new-ish sneakers she owned, opting for the ones with holes because they didn't squeeze her feet. It wasn't the first impression she wanted to give, but you deserve a little forgiveness when making a whole-ass human.

Leaning over the dash of the car, she presses a friendly kiss to the side of Chaol's face. "Thanks for the ride, boys."

His cheeks redden, and Dorian leans as much of his body as he can into the front of the car, "No sugar for me?"

Aelin laughs and kisses his cheek good-naturedly. "Feel less left out now?"

"Much better," the corners of his happy smile dim, his blue eyes dart to the doors of the precinct. "Are you sure you don't want me to call you a lawyer, Aelin?"

Chaol nods his agreement beside him, his hands clenching the steering wheel despite the car being in park. "Do you want me to go inside with you?"

Aelin feels a bubble of warmth blossoming in her chest. Their worried faces and eagerness to help her- it was almost enough to warm an assassin's heart. "Don't worry. They just need me to clarify a few things in my statement. Nothing serious. Paperwork issues."

Dorian and Chaol had shown up right as she was walking out of the front door of The Stag. When they realized she was leaving and offered her a ride... Aelin couldn't say no. Not with how her feet were aching.

It took some more reassuring, but they finally agreed to let her leave their caring grasps.

Fenrys met her at the door with a smile, "Hey, Baby Mama. Looking beautiful."

Aelin is surprised to find she's genuinely happy to see him. She can't help the toothy grin he brings out in her. "I'm well. How are you this morning, Fen?"

Fenrys lights up at the nickname. "I bought us some donuts. We have a hard day of work ahead of us, and I figured we would deserve a treat in advance."

Donuts sounded phenomenal and vastly improved her outlook of the day.

He steers her through the PD, and several heads turn to stare as she passes. Aelin didn't particularly care. Whatever they thought they knew about her, they probably didn't.

When they finally reach Rowan's office, they find him slumped over a laptop at a desk piled high with neatly stacked papers. The room is minimalistic. Only necessary office items were visible—no personal effects, knickknacks, or pictures of any kind adorning the space.

Rowan himself is also in his usual state of neatness, minus the dirt she could see staining the underside of his nails. He must have been gardening this morning.

Aelin doesn't bother with greetings. She grabs a chair opposite him and sits down. The last few days, she'd been feeling more drained and quick to tire. At first, she attributed it to the baby getting larger and demanding more of her body's resources, but now Aelin started to think that she caught a bug galavanting through the night.

Fenrys set a blueberry donut and a cup of hot tea in front of her. Bless him. Aelin mumbles her thanks before stuffing her mouth.

Rowan shuts his laptop with a snap and replaces it with a yellow notepad. "Alright, Aelin. I need a name. Who do you think is doing this?"

"When is Aedion getting released?" She says around a mouthful of glazed blueberry.

Fenrys slumps into an office chair at a tinier desk in the corner of the room. "This afternoon."

"If all goes well at this meeting," Rowan tacks on the thinly veiled warning. "I need a name."

Aelin leans back in her seat and takes a deep breath. There was a strange heaviness in giving his name. As if speaking it would materialize him into existence in front of her. Her goal when she moved to Ornyth was to forget about him and push her old master as far from her mind as she physically could, but she supposed it was naive to think he wouldn't come looking for her.

This wasn't just for her, Aelin reminds herself. Aedion would benefit from this conversation.

"His name is Arobynn Hammel. He's thirty-five, red hair, grey eyes, and an utter asshole." Aelin lays the name of her childhood tormentor out on the table. A bad taste sours her mouth.

Rowan tosses the notepad to Fenrys, who relays what she said to the paper. He looks at her over his desk with an unreadable expression. "What is your relation to Mr. Hammel?"

"Why?" Aelin chuckles as if the stress is trying to escape her with each half-hearted chuckle. "Do you want to know if he's my baby daddy?"

"Yes," Rowan and Fenrys say simultaneously.

Aelin's smile falls, and she scowls at both of them. They didn't know better, but she still felt insulted.

"He isn't, but I suppose he probably would have liked to be. Make sure to underline that," she points at Fenry's pad of paper. "Arobynn raised me. I don't think he was legally a foster parent, but he is who I was given to in the shuffle after the occupation."

Rowan dips his chin. Green eyes focus on her intensely, as if he's trying to absorb and commit her every word to memory. "How old were you when they put you in his care?"

"Eight," Aelin breathes out, a sharp tingling of grief comes with that admission. "I lived with him from the time I was eight until I turned nineteen."

"Why do you suspect him of producing and distributing Synth?" Rowan asks the nail-in-the-coffin question, and Aelin has to bite back old instincts to lie and conceal this information. It makes her feel vulnerable to expose Arobynn.

Vulnerability isn't an emotion she handles well. After all, when you bare your neck to someone, it becomes within their power to cut their throat.

"I've seen where he makes it, and I oversaw some of his high-risk contracts and dealings with the distribution," Fenrys chokes beside her, but he smothers it with a cough. Even Rowan looks a little taken back, eyes narrowing.

"At what age did you start assisting with his-" he struggles to find the words. "-His business practices."

Aelin blinks, "Eight."

This time, neither of them covers their reactions. They both freeze in their seats, an air of disbelief hanging over them. Aelin feels a chill and tugs at the hem of her shirt, wishing the sleeves were longer.

"What?" Rowan is the first to break the tension.

"I was displaced in the occupation," Aelin begins the watered-down version of her sob story. "I was carted into Adarlan and placed in the care of Arobynn Hammel. Within a couple of months, he was already using me as a mule to get orders across Rifthold. He trained me in various skills to carry out larger jobs, along with a few other children."

"There were others?" Rowan looks saddened by that tidbit.

Mentally Aelin wants to laugh.

Of course, he would be upset at the prospect of other good children suffering from such a fate.`Ones who had the potential he thought she lacked.

If only he knew what bastards they all grew up to be, and she by far was not the worst of them.

Fenrys' eyes were gleaming with more pity than Aelin was comfortable with because, unlike Rowan, she knew it was directed towards her. Gratefully he didn't dig too deeply. Instead, Fenrys picked up the next question. "Can you name the others?"

Aelin bites her lip, leg fidgeting under the table. "Tern Fletcher, Archer Flynn, Adam Mulligan, Lysandra Ennar-" she swallows past the lump in her throat. "Samuel Cortland and myself."

"Lysandra was involved?" Rowan leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. He hasn't looked away, barely blinked, since the questioning began. Aelin feels naked as his eyes seemed to be raking in her every movement.

"Not-" she tries to think of how to phrase it in a way that respects her friend's privacy. "She wasn't involved in the same capacity I was."

"Are the others you know still working with Hammel?" Rowan asks, and Aelin gladly lets them move the conversation away from Lys. She wasn't comfortable digging into her friend's wounds when she wasn't around.

"I suspect Mulligan, Flynn, and Fletcher. They were extremely loyal, and as of the last time I saw them, very active in the business." Aelin fondly remembers the beat down she laid on Archer before their parting words. He sold them out, and she hopes for his sake that they never run into each other again.

Fenrys looks up, "What about Samuel?"

"What?" Aelin flinches, the question taking her back.

"Samuel Cortland," Rowan reiterates. "You named him as one of the employees in Hammel's custody but implied he's no longer active in the business. Where is he then?" He leans forward, and Aelin wishes she could shrink back. "Would he be willing to speak with us?"

"Children." Her voice comes out as gruffer than she intends. "We were kids. Not employees. It wasn't a mutual agreement. None of us could consent to what became of us."

Aelin is surprised by the emotion that makes itself known. She swallows back the tears that want to fall and stuffs her trembling hands under her thighs. The implication any of them had a choice in serving Arobynn was disturbing and utterly wrong.

The taste of skin between her teeth, blood crusting under her nails, and being surrounded in pitch-black darkness consume her. Aelin suddenly feels more ill than she had this morning.

"Of course, Aelin." Fenrys placates. "That's understood. We just need to know where Samuel is. He could be very useful to the investigation."

"Dead," Aelin throws the word out like a dying fish on the table. "He died."

It hurt to say that. Tears burned in the corners of her eyes. Sam dying was worse than talking about Arobynn. A million times worse.

Aelin tries to swallow the lead rock in her throat. Arobynn didn't deserve to be known. His legacy was of blood, abuse, and control. It belonged in the sewer alongside his corpse.

Sam, on the other hand, deserved to be known. He abandoned by the system, forgotten by his family, and still chose kindness above all else. Sam's story deserved to be told, and it killed Aelin that it hurt her so much to share it.

"How did he die?" Fenrys prods delicately.

"What?" Aelin asks dumbly, heart accelerating in her chest.

"How did Samuel die? Any details you can give are beneficial. and you agreed to cooperate." Rowan reminds her sternly.

Mala save her, she couldn't go into detail about how she found him. She couldn't. Aelin feels blood rushing up to her head, and the room seems to sway.

"Sam. He liked to be called Sam-" Is all Aelin manages to choke out. "Excuse me."

Pushing herself from the desk, she shakily bolts for the office door. Their complaints are silenced as the glass shuts behind her. Outside, Aelin can feel the trembling beginning in her hands and spreading up her arms.

Sweat beads on her forehead in the oppressive heat of the building, but when she rubs her face, it feels damp and cold to the touch.

Aelin frantically strides down the hall, eyes darting around madly for a bathroom door. Nausea was creeping up her throat, and she really didn't want to throw up in someone's trashcan. She knew she was moving quickly, that someone might see her and become alarmed, but anxiety made everything feel like it was moving in slow motion.

A dainty hand grips her elbow and tugs in gently. "Follow me, dear. I can help you."

Aelin's head is swimming, and she allows the calming voice to steer her back in the other direction. When the person pushes open the bathroom door and Aelin sees the navy blue stalls, she rips her arm away and falls to her knees before the porcelain bowl.

Long, slender fingers pull her hair back from her face and rub her shoulders as Aelin loses her breakfast. "You are okay," the voice consoles—a hand massages up her spine and soothes the aches there.

Aelin's whole body is shuddering now. Her stomach rolls over itself, and the muscles of her diaphragm are quaking with exertion. She doubts she could get to her feet if she tried. A strand of drool hangs from her lips, and Aelin would be humiliated if her head wasn't still reeling.

Gouged eyes. Bent fingers. Blood on her lips.

A wad of paper towels appears and dabs at her cheeks, which Aelin hadn't even realized were wet with tears. She failed to notice that her body was shuddering under the intensity of the sobs coming from her. The woman continues to pat her cheeks and nose. Then to her mortification, it swipes at the spit hanging from her mouth.

Mala end me now, she mentally pleads.

Aelin looks up to find a woman with raven hair and onyx eyes looking at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, dear. I don't mean to overstep. I've been where you are before. Please don't be embarrassed."

Opening her mouth, Aelin makes to apologize, but another crackling sob breaks from her chest instead.

She's just tired. Tired of being sad. Tired of feeling sick. Tired of being unable to even say his name without breaking down.

Arms wrap around Aelin's shoulders and tug her into an embrace. She allows her face to burrow into the woman's blazer as the grief racks through her body.

"Oh, sweety. It's going to be alright. I promise whatever is going on right now will work out." Fingers rake through Aelin's hair soothingly. It turns her to jello in the woman's arms. Her presence was just so motherly in a way that Aelin sorely misses.

She holds Aelin tight until she's calm enough to hold a plastic cup of water without dropping it. The woman helps her stand and wipes the mascara smudges off her cheeks with a damp towel. "There you go," she tosses the towel in the trash when she deems Aelin presentable. "Brand new, again."

"Thank you," Aelin breathes out at last. "I don't even know what to say."

"Say nothing," the woman waves her hand. "I've been pregnant before. Hormones. Nausea. It isn't an easy ride, dear. Besides, no one comes to a police station for a good reason." The woman pulls a stick of gum from a purse sitting on the sink and offers it to her. Aelin accepts it gratefully.

"Has anyone told you that stress isn't good for you?" Her kind eyes bore into Aelin worriedly. "You look very pale."

"I've been told. Many times." Aelin rubs her forehead, an ache already forming there. "I just don't have much of a choice."

"What's your name? I'm Maeve." She smiles and extends a hand for Aelin to shake.

Aelin takes the hand, happy that they aren't trembling so badly. "Aelin."

"Do you have any name ideas for the baby?" Maeve's eyes glance down towards the slight swell of her belly a little wistfully.

Names? Aelin periodically forgot that the human growing inside of her would pop into the world and require such a thing. It was a far-off event where she had plenty of time to accommodate for things in her head. In reality, she was halfway through her fourth month.

Time was ticking.

"No. I don't have any ideas yet." Aelin admits.

Maeve pats Aelin's shoulder kindly. "That's just fine. Ignore my curiosity. You have plenty of time if-" she emphasizes, "you take better care of yourself."

There is a knock on the door. "Aelin, are you alright?"

Rowan.

"Yes. I'll be back in a minute," Aelin says through the door.

She waits until his footsteps echo back down the hallway before she makes towards the exit. Eager to leave the bathroom and the memories of her awkward breakdown with it. "Thanks again. Really. I appreciate it."

Aelin truly meant it despite the utter humiliation she felt.

"Let me walk you back to Rowan's office?" Maeve asked. "It's easy to get turned around in this building."

They walked in a comfortable silence back to the office. Maeve's demeanor is so tranquil it surprises Aelin when the demure woman pushes the door open without knocking. "I have a delivery for you boys."

"Chief?" Rowan stands up, confused.

What? Aelin blinks and turns back to the woman, noting the black and whites and the metal badge on the breast of her blazer. The same blazer Aelin had just cried on.

Blood rushed to her face, and her brain curdles in her skull. Of course, it was the law of Orynth whose arms she just broke down in. Adarlan's Assassin reduced to a ball of hormones clinging to the chief detective of Terrasen like a baby clinging to its mother.

"Has she caused trouble?" Rowan's eyes glint with steel.

If you've done anything to degrade me to my boss, the deal is off.

"Not at all. We ran into each other in the bathroom and had a lovely chat," Maeve brushes an invisible piece of dust from Aelin's shoulder. "I will let the three of you get back to business. You are in excellent company."

Aelin's lip quirks. Just the opposite. She loves me. Congratulations, you are already reaping the benefits of my presence.

"Oh, and Fenrys?" Aelin looks at Fenrys, who is actively ignoring them. "The reports you promised are late. Have them to my desk by the end of the day, please."

"Will do, Chief." Fenrys' reply is dry and lacks his usual pep.

Aelin notes the worried glance Rowan throws him, but he swiftly covers it with an expressionless mask. "I will make sure he gets it done."

What was that? Aelin tries to pry an answer from Rowan, but he avoids her look.

When Maeve leaves, the tension eases from the men's shoulders.

"You are trouble," Rowan tosses at her without venom.

Aelin picks up the cup of tea she left at his desk, glad it's still warm. "Yes, but only the best kind."

"We haven't laid out a single plan for weaseling out Arobynn," Fenrys makes an irritated face at them. "If either of you could focus for ten minutes, we can do the rest of the questioning later, but we need to start throwing out ideas."

"Did Rowan piss in your tea in the last ten minutes I was gone?" Aelin shoots back, not appreciating his sudden attitude.

"Thirty," Rowan says. "You were gone for thirty minutes. That's why I came looking for you. Also, ruining beverages is your thing, not mine."

Damn, had she been gone that long? A glance at the clock confirms he was correct.

When she turns back to Rowan, there is almost something like worry in his eyes? That couldn't be right, Aelin rubs that aching side of her head again. She needed to stop reading so deeply into things.

"We can continue with questioning later," Rowan announces. "Fenrys is correct in saying we need to start making plans. You've given us enough to work with for now."

They sat back in their chairs, pulled out more notepads, red pens, and sticky notes. Together, Aelin helped them form a list of potential places Arobynn would be laying low. Hotels, rental homes, and vacant manors. He had a taste for luxury Aelin knew he wouldn't sacrifice for anonymity.

Test results were still running on the Synth. Technicians had let them know it showed highly abnormal properties compared to average street drugs, and they promised to send them an extensive report when they were through.

Rowan had hushed any potential news stories about The Stag shooting. He didn't want anyone who may know Celaena to catch wind and start snooping around. Aelin was his best lead, which afforded her a certain level of discretion he acknowledged.

They didn't know about the Bane patrolling her block at night, keeping their eyes on the streets for unusual activity.

The clock ticked, and the light beaming through the winders grew warmer as the afternoon trickled away. It was nearly five o'clock when Rowan declared then done for the day, and Aelin was utterly exhausted.

"Come on," Fenrys offered her a hand to help her stand. "I can drive you by the prison. Aedion should be getting checked out as we speak."

"Thank you," Aelin accepts the help. Her feet ached, and she felt entirely drained. It was good Fenrys was offering a ride, or she'd have to call Dorian to come and get her.

Together, the three of them made their way to the parking lot. Conversation between them was sparse but not unpleasant. They'd fallen into a rhythm at some point while working together. It helped break up some of the awkwardness between her and Rowan.

Aelin hustled a little bit when she spotted Fenry's luxury car. She wanted to claim the front seat before Rowan did. Her gut couldn't handle the stress of riding the back.

Her fingers barely grazed the polished handle when Fenrys started yelling.

Arms wrapped around her waist, and Aelin's face throbbed as it found itself slammed into the asphalt. A loud explosion rattled her ears, and chunks of debris went flying through the air. A thick foggy smoke started filling the air, and she immediately started choking on it.

A dense weight lifts off her back, and hands grab her shoulders, rolling her body to face the clouded sky instead of the ground. Rowan is in her personal space immediately. He's speaking to her, but no sound is penetrating the ringing in her ears.

His hands are running along her arms, the side of her face, checking for injury. Aelin tries to ask him if he's alright, but he doesn't seem able to hear her either.

Suddenly, Fenrys is there, and he's grabbing them both by the arms. They are moving away at a sprint. Fenrys is yelling, but the smoke is stinging her eyes, and even seeing is becoming hard.

There is another explosion, and Aelin can feel the tremors beneath the soles of her shoes as the three of them hit the ground once more.

People are pouring out of the precinct. Aelin spies Cheif Maeve at the front of them, ordering people out of the building. Red and blue lights reflect off the smoke, and she knows that ambulances must be on their way.

Rowan is lying beside her. She hadn't noticed the rips in the back of his suit jacket at first, but there were long gouges in the material, and smoke wafted off a couple of scorch marks. The fact he'd thrown himself over her body and shielded her from the explosion was only starting to register when something warm squeezed her hand.

Are you okay? Green eyes were scouring her body for wounds.

I'm fine, Aelin assures him. She's more concerned about the spots on the back of his suit growing wet as he bled.

"Someone blew up my car," Fenrys is gaping at the spot where his vintage ride used to be. All that remained was a roughed-up frame that was lit ablaze like a campfire.

"Gods," Aelin breathed out, the ringing in her ears dying down. "I almost died."

Rowan hadn't let go of her hand and made no move to do so as his eyes fixed on the burning car. "That was meant for us."

He didn't have to elaborate for Aelin to understand. Whoever had placed the bomb hadn't been targeting her, but Rowan and Fenrys. They arrived and left work together. The bomb wasn't there when they got to the precinct this morning, so someone must have placed it while they were inside.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Fenrys runs a dirty hand through his hair.

Sirens wailed as paramedics filed into the parking lot. Other detectives and officers were starting to approach them. Firefighters approached the car with extinguishers and began to tame the burning fire.

Aelin didn't have an answer. Just the sinking feeling that the game they'd entered into had more players than she'd thought.

Here is part one of the mass updates! Thank you SO much for reading. I’ve gotten so much feedback and love on this fic it’s been so wonderful 💚

I do have an ✨IMPORTANT QUESTION✨

Would you all prefer I have tag lists specific to certain fics or an overall tag list for ships? So one tag list for all of my rowaelin fics, one for all my quinlar fics, or would you like me to keep it as I have been? Please let me know! ✨

Tag list- Let me know if you would like to be added or removed. :D ( names in bold won’t tag)

@thisismylibrary​

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@ghostlyrose2

[hyenahunt]

Conquest - Prologue

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring

Proofreading: royalquintet (JP & ENG)

Translation: hyenahunt

Hiyori: But the problem is, we're not enemies at all. We're allies, aren't we?

[Location: ES Breakroom]

[One day in late spring...]

Hiyori: "Eden Breaks Up?! The decisive battle fans have all been waiting for: Adam VS Eve —"

—Or so says this ridiculous performance plan I just received over HoldHands.

I'd greatly appreciate a detailed explanation of just what is going on. Depending on your answer, chances are I won't let you off.

Nagisa: ...Wow, Hiyori-kun, your expression is frightening.

Ibara: Aye-aye! Allow me to offer you an explanation. After all, it is my job to see to it that this incomprehensible world is dissected, cooked up and arranged for serving.

That being said, however, this appetising proposal came from the higher-ups themselves, and as such I myself am not too clear on how it came to be.

All the same, I do have some grasp of the overall outline.

Nagisa: ...I had no idea about this. While I did receive it on HoldHands, I leave all administrative matters to Ibara.

Hiyori: Nagisa-kun, you're pretty much the leader of both Eden and Adam, aren't you?

I do feel it would be for the best if you managed such things yourself, but well, everyone has their individual strengths and weaknesses, I suppose?

Nagisa: ...Yes. I'd rather not concern myself with the everyday world. It's troublesome.

...And having Ibara look over it results in a more accurate understanding. He's the right person for this.

Ibara: Ahahaha! Receiving such praise and trust from you is truly an honour, Your Excellency!

Nagisa: ...I simply state the truth. By the way, Jun, did you know about this proposal?

Jun: Ugh, please don't drag me into this, Nagi-senpai. Ohii-san's been in such a crazy awful mood all morning and I wanna have nothing to do with it, y'know~?

In situations like these, I'm the one who usually ends up as his stress outlet, after all —

But whatever, I guess. What'd that proposal say again...?

It sounds like something only the unit leaders receive, so there's no way an underling like myself would know anything about it, yeah~?

Nagisa: ...Ahh, it does seem like that's how it works.

...It's set up so that all messages I receive are immediately forwarded to Ibara, so it doesn't concern me, though.

Hiyori: Nagisa-kun, are you alright with that?

If you leave every little thing to Ibara like that — or grow dependent on him, I should say—then aren't you going to have trouble living on if he randomly drops dead one day?

Ibara: Worry not! I won't be dying any time soon — I cannot allow myself to die when we've gotten this far already!

Hiyori: Well, even if Ibara does kick the bucket, I can look after Nagisa-kun like how I used to so everything will be just fine.

Ibara: Indeed, should such a situation ever arise, I will leave him in Your Highness' capable hands.

...Anyway, to return to the topic at hand, I do believe the current proposal isn't completely devoid of points worth considering.

Hiyori: ... In what way, may I ask?

Jun: (Woah. Ohii-san's face is seeeriously scary as hell right now. He's usually all silly laughs and smiles, so when he's got a serious face on you know shit's gonna go down.)

(This time he seems kinda actually really upset about things, huh?)

Ibara: Right. Firstly, it is essential to note that this proposal is by the restructured top brass of CosPro, after the majority of its executives were fired due to the scandal at the end of last year.

They're all most eager to repair their damaged reputations — money is no object in their quest to prove their innocence and competence.

So in short, they intend to create something of great extravagance with this proposal. They'll pull out all the stops, no matter what it takes.

And since this comes right on the heels of the scandal, even the higher-ups will be careful not to attempt anything dubious behind the scenes — so everything should be safe.

Nagisa: ...Well, true fools tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over, though.

Ibara: All the same, it's common knowledge that after the last scandal, we as Eden collectively denounced and drove out the top brass.

Taking that into account, the fact that they've put out a proposal means that they're prepared to face such a situation once more.

This is a proposal of great importance—one that puts their lives on the line, if you will.

At the same time, if we were to reject this proposal, which is composed of the desperate desires of these higher-ups, they'll simply shrink away and believe anything they do or say will be pointless.

I'd greatly prefer to have some clumsy fools bumbling about their jobs rather than frightened figureheads cowering in a corner.

To be frozen in place is no different from being dead, after all. And corpses certainly can't be mobilised for war.

Simultaneously, always saying anything and everything is out of the question will never allow for growth in us humans.

...Well, such overprotective and motherly behavior seems to be a favorite of His Highness Hiyori.

Hiyori: ...In what sense? I certainly feel as though you're mocking me right now, you know?

Ibara: Of course not, I would never do such a thing... It is but a misunderstanding.

But in any case, for the sake of the top brass gaining experience, and to grant them that sense of self-confidence and achievement, I would dearly like for us to accept their proposal.

Nagisa: ...It's actually an interesting proposal, too.

...A confrontation between Adam and Eve... I've never considered such a thing before.

Jun: Well, it kinda feels like something guys would be pretty into. It's almost like pro-wrestling.

Seeing who'd win if Adam and Eve faced off... that might really catch our fans' interest, actually~

Hiyori: Ngh... A lion is still the king of beasts even if he doesn't go around proclaiming it, right?

Ibara: Certainly. That being said, a performance is essential in allowing the masses to actually understand this, as they are rather slow on the uptake.

And it is for that purpose that we now have this current plan: "Conquest".

For us of Eden, who were regrettably only the runner-ups for the idol world's greatest festival, Winter Live, at the end of last year...

Perhaps it's a rather ambitious event, to try and realise that domination that once slipped through our grasp —

That world domination, thwarted by Trickstar, or rather obstructed by traitors within our own camp.

Now is the time to see it through — that, I feel, is the current sentiment borne by the higher-ups of CosPro.

Conquer all, and we shall seize the world within our hands.

Hiyori: Well, in all honesty, I do have faint regrets that we weren't able to conquer the nation at the end of last year.

But we'd still be able to make the world ours just by doing things as we always have. Why make a show out of something so unsightly as an internal quarrel—

Ibara: That's not the case. ES has now been established, and in this new era of oligarchy between the four agencies, it'll prove difficult to stand out if we simply go about our days without aim.

If we are to use a single showpiece to launch ourselves to the top, then it is essential for it to be explosive in nature.

In that sense, I believe Conquest is the ideal plan for it. Since the earliest times, people have always been drawn to showdowns of destiny, after all.

Such as Holmes and Moriarty, Godzilla and King Ghidora, Goku and Vegeta... Would you understand those examples, Your Highness?

Jun: Oh, I totally get you.

Ibara: Good. Let's see... it would be something akin to the War of the Roses — does that make sense?

Hiyori: Mm... I can't deny that a showdown between age-old enemies would be exciting, of course.

But the problem is, we're not enemies at all. We're allies, aren't we?

No... I consider Eden a family, but am I the only one who feels that way?

Nagisa: ......

✦✦✦✦✦

✦ all ✦ next →

[seungmoroll]

Heather | Han Jisung

Word count: 5.2k

Genre: slight angst, fluff, realization of feelings

A/N: this is the second part to Minho’s Heather, so if you haven’t already, you can read it here, though it’s not really necessary to read it. you can also read the other member’s here. 

F/n = friend’s name

Jisungs POV

    “No.”

    “But-“

    “No.”

    “What happened to providing the best service to your customers?”

    “Jisung,” they lock eyes with me before they continue their sentence, “I am not going to give you a large cup filled with pearls.”

    “But I’m willing to pay for it.” I give them my best puppy dog eyes in hope that they’ll give up their resolve. I had a plan, and I refuse to let Y/n get in the way of it.

    “Yeah, but I’m not willing to clean up the mess you’re going to make.” How did they know what I was going to do with the pearls?

    “I-“

    “I know exactly what you’re going to do with those tapioca pearls, and as much as I would love to see Changbin suffer, I refuse to clean up the boba you plan on spitting out at him.” Dang, they were spot on with my plan.

    “Fine.” I reluctantly say. A look of content settles on their face, “Good.”

    “I’ll just wait until Minho comes out.” A frown quickly replaces the look of content on their face. “No you will not.”

    “Did I hear my name?” Minho pops out from the back room, making me quickly change my plan of attack. I will get the boba.

    “Nope, no you didn’t. You can head back to the back room.” Y/n quickly says, trying to get Minho to leave.

“There’s my favorite CuTea worker,” I say in attempt to butter Minho up. I can feel the glare Y/n is giving me, but I ignore it and continue at my attempt to get my cup of boba, “Minho, you’ll get me a cup of pearls, right?”

    He gives me a smirk, “Oh, we spitting them at Changbin?” This is why he was my favorite worker…right after Y/n.

    “No, stop it right now. You do know that if you give him the pearls, we’re,” they motion their hand between the two of them, “the ones that are going to have to clean it up.”

    Minho takes a moment to think before he tells me, “Yeah, sorry bud, I’d totally give you some, but I got places to be after work.” By places, he meant wherever Doyeon was, we all knew. Deciding to change the topic for the sake of Y/n, “Right. Y/n,” focusing my attention on them, “you doing anything after work tonight?”

    Leaning against the counter, they say, “Uh yeah, going home to lay in the comfort of my bed.” Great. This meant good for me.

    “Well not anymore.”

    They quirk their eyebrow at me in confusion, “Excuse me?”

    “You didn’t let me finish. Let’s go out.” This time it’s Minho who quirks his eyebrow at me, which I choose to ignore as I focus on Y/n. There’s a weird expression on their face, and then that’s when I realize that what I said sounded a bit weird.

    “Like let’s hang out. You and me…as friends. Not like going out out.” I’m just making it worse and more awkward, aren’t I?

    “I’d like to Sung, but I’m tired, and I need my sleep.” Oh, you have no idea how much I love it when you call me that name, Y/n.

    “Then how about another time this week?”

    “Hmmm, what about Wednesday?” That was two days from now.

    “Wednesday? I can do that. You working that day?”

    “Yeah, but I got an earlier shift, I’ll be done by 5.” Oh? This is working awfully well for me. I’m internally jumping up and down and pumping my fists, but externally I try to play it off nonchalantly.

    “Great, it’s a date.” Keyword try. “Not like a date date, but you know.” Y/n starts to giggle at my way of trying to escape the awkwardness, and I swear that that was the sound you hear when the gates of heaven open. However, it sadly ends when the door opens, alerting the shop of a new customer. Getting out of the way for the customer, I stand off to the side of the counter, where Minho is suspiciously looking at me.

    “Is there a problem? Is there something on my face?” I quickly grab my phone from my pocket to check myself through the reflection. Fortunately, there’s nothing, but it would’ve been so embarrassing if there was while I was talking to Y/n. Instead of responding, Minho just chuckles and shakes his head.

    Before I can say anything to him, the door opens again, and I see that it’s F/n. They approach the three of us at the counter, “Hey guys.”

    “Hey F/n.” Y/n’s angelic voice says. Minho gives them a curt nod.

    “What can I get for you today?” Y/n asks F/n.

    “Let’s see, I’ll have a strawberry banana smoothie with pearls.” Speaking of pearls, I open my mouth to say something to F/n, but Y/n stops me before I can get a single word out. “Don’t even think about it.”

    In a second attempt to ask F/n, they cut me off, “I don’t want to know, nor do I want to participate in it.” Their response makes me visibly shrink.

    After paying for their drink, F/n says to me, “We should sit down and get to work.” F/n and I were currently taking geology together, and we were paired together to work on a group project. We’ve been working on it for the past three weeks, and I was the one that had suggested we work on it at CuTea. Though, F/n wanted to work on the project at the library, but I like to believe that my cute charms made them change their mind.

    Parting from Y/n and Minho, we go and sit down at a table, with me making sure that I have a good view of Y/n. It’s not like I creepily watch them or anything, but I enjoy those small moments when we meet each other’s eyes.  However, I’m sure those moments mean nothing to Y/n. When Y/n approaches our table to serve F/n drink, I focus my attention on them as the smile brightly at me and walk away, back to behind the counter with Minho.

    “So we only have these last few things to do before we can submit the project, and you’re not even listening to me.” A hand comes into view, bringing me back to focus on F/n. I can tell by their face that they’re not happy with me.

    In attempt to make them happy, I tell them, “I was totally listening to you.”

    They roll their eyes at me, “Sure, you were.” Playfully, I grab the straw wrapper that was on the table and ball it up, throwing it F/n for not believing me. They manage to dodge it and playfully glare at me.

    “You like them, don’t you?” Confused, I tilt my head to the side in attempt to try to figure out what they mean.

    Sighing, “Y/n. You like them, it’s obvious.” My eyes widen in shock at their statement. I’m not that obvious, am I? Maybe I should be surprised that F/n. They picked up on the smallest things, like the first week of us working together, they pointed out that I like to stuff my cheeks while I eat.

    Leaning closer towards them, in case Minho, or worse, Y/n could hear us, “Is it?”

    “You don’t treat me the same way you do them, so yeah, it’s quite obvious.” Of course I didn’t treat them the same.

    “That’s because you’re you.” I could tell by the look on their face that my answer did not satisfy them. “I mean-“

    “Don’t finish that sentence.” I slowly shut my mouth to prevent anymore words from spewing out of my mouth. I really need to work on thinking before speaking, it’s going to be a big problem for me one day.

    “You plan on telling them?” I choke on my spit after hearing their question. After I manage to not die 7 feet away from Y/n, I look at F/n in bewilderment. Of course I thought about telling Y/n, but I shut down the idea every time. There were many obstacles in the way, and to be quite frank, I don’t think I can go around them.

    “I don’t have a chance.” They cock their eyebrow at me encouraging me to continue.

    “They like Minho. Liked Minho. I don’t know. Either way if they liked Minho then I definitely don’t have a chance.” I could definitely say that Minho was what everyone wanted in a man. He was handsome, smart, funny; he was even a good cat dad, which is what I found out from him after he spent half an hour showing me pictures of his cats. He was basically the whole package.

    “Han Jisung. Don’t you dare put yourself down like that. You’re an amazing, sweet, funny guy, anyone that doesn’t like you has a problem.” I knew F/n was just saying that to make me feel better, but it was still nice to hear. However, I can’t help but squint my eyes at them in suspicion, “I think that was the nicest thing you’ve said to me, are you okay? Are you sick?” Reaching out, I place my hand on their forehead to check their temperature. Weird. They’re pretty warm. I can see them looking up at my hand in bewilderment, then all of a sudden, I feel a small tinge of pain in my arm. Clutching said arm, I dramatic express my pain, “Ow, what was that for?”

    Instead of the devilish look I was expecting, there was what I think to be a hint of embarrassment on their face. I don’t know, but their face was quickly reddening.

    “Hey, but seriously are you okay, you’re pretty warm and your face is turning red.” They quickly grab their face to hide it, “I’m fine, it’s just hot in here.” I checked the thermostat that’s located on the wall and see that it’s only at 70 degrees, which wasn’t hot at all, but decide against saying anything. Alternatively, I push their drink towards them, “Here take a sip of your drink.” Quickly they do as I say, and once they’ve taken a long sip, they say, “Let’s get started on this project.”

    We spend about an hour and a half working on the project, and I can proudly say that I actually focused on my work and not Y/n. Though I was very much tempted when I heard her laugh, probably from what Minho said. Eventually we call it a day, with only a few small things that we have to go over remaining. “So when’s the next time we should meet? It’ll be the last time we have to work on this stupid project.”

    “How about Wednesday? I was already planning on coming here, so we can just meet up here and finish everything up.”

    A snicker escapes from their mouth, “You come here so often, aren’t you worried that it might seem odd?” I did think about that once, but I’ve already came up with an excuse in case anyone asked. “Don’t worry, if anyone asks, I just really like the drinks.”

    I’m 100% sure that I hear the word obvious come out from their mouth. I can’t get a word in because Changbin comes barging in the door, “Jisung c’mon, get your butt moving.” Looking at Changbin then at Y/n, who’s by the counter with a knowing look on their face.

    “You sure I can’t get that cup?” I ask Y/n.

    Giggling while shaking their head, she says to Changbin, “It’s your lucky day, I saved you.” He cocks his head, unsure of what’s happening. As I come up to him, I tell him that it’s nothing.

    The following day was possibly one of the worse days I’ve experienced. I had slept through my alarm causing me to miss two of my classes and then when I went to get lunch with Chan, I spilt my soup all over me. Which is why I decided to stop by CuTea, I needed to see Y/n to make my day better.

    I barge into the door expecting to see the beautiful face that belongs to Y/n, but instead I am met with the sight of Minho at the counter. Confused, I look at the time on my watch and see that Y/n’s shift should have started already.

    “They’re not here.” Minho says to me, continuing, “They took the day off.” I instinctively pout because I won’t be seeing Y/n today, meaning that I had to wait another day to see their angelic face. Instead of turning back around and leaving, I order a drink and as I wait for Minho to make it, he starts a conversation with me.

    “You know that I know right?” Tilting my head, confused as ever, I watch as he slightly shakes his head at me. I had no idea what he was referring to.

    “I know you like Y/n.” My eyes widen at his statement. Was I really that obvious? He was the second person to tell me that this week. Oh no, if Minho knows, then that means Y/n most likely knows too. Seeing the panic on my face, Minho reassures me, “Don’t worry, Y/n is oblivious. They don’t know.” I let out a sigh of relief. “Or maybe they do, and they choose to ignore it.” I can’t tell whether he’s joking or not, but either way, I don’t appreciate it.

    “Don’t worry, I’m just messing with you.” Minho hands me my drink, and I eye him suspiciously as a take a sip of it. I’m sure he wants to laugh at the look I give him, but he goes on to say, “Why don’t we sit down and talk.” I hesitantly agree, but that’s because I’m slightly scared of him.

    Sitting down at a table, I refuse to make eye contact with Minho. He keeps on giving me this look and I don’t know what it means, nor do I like it.

    “There’s something else that I know.” Now looking at him, I can tell that what he wants to talk about it serious. “I know that Y/n likes me.” Oh. That’s not what I was expecting. So he knew? I wonder if Y/n knows that he knows. Maybe they didn’t want to tell me because they felt embarrassed.

    Feigning innocence, I ask him, “Does she now?” He could be trying to play with me, and I wasn’t going to fall for it.

    “Quit that, I know you know.” Well he’s no fun.

    Quickly stopping my act, I ask him, “How’d you find out?”

    “I’ve known for a while now. It was kind of obvious.” He wasn’t wrong there. Even I could tell before I started talking to Y/n. Hm, that’s something that we had in common, being obvious. Wait, now is not the time to focus on our similarities.

    “Why didn’t you do anything about it?” I wasn’t mad or anything, well maybe just a little bit, but that was because he knew all along and never said anything to Y/n.

    “I didn’t want to hurt them.” Is the excuse he gives me.

    “It might be too late for that,” I sharply say.

    He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, “Yeah…I know. Look, I didn’t want to reject them and break their heart. I really like them as a friend and I just didn’t want to ruin that. Plus, I really like Doyeon.” That last part wasn’t necessary to add, but I don’t say anything about it. Instead I ask, “Why are you telling me all of this hyung?” Minho and I weren’t that close. Outside of Y/n and CuTea, we never talk to each other, so why would he tell me this?

    “Like I said earlier, I know you like Y/n.” I had no idea where he was going with this conversation. “I think you should tell them.”

    “No.” Why was everyone telling me to confess? Is it try to embarrass and ruin Jisung’s life week or something?

    “And why not?”

    “Because…” I look away from him as he sits there and waits for my answer. “Because?” I can’t believe I was really about to tell him this. I mumble out my answer, not wanting him to understand a single word I said. “Jisung.” I didn’t appreciate the tone he said my name in, but I also knew that I was being a bit childish.

    “I said, because they don’t like me, and I don’t want to get rejected.” You can’t blame me for being scared of being rejected, I’m human after all.

    “And what makes you think that will happen?”

    “Did you just forget about our conversation earlier? They like you, not me, so of course I’m going to get rejected.” How many times do I have to say that Y/n like Minho? It’s starting to get annoying, especially since I have to say it to Minho himself.

    “Who’s to say they don’t like you too?” What kind of question was that? There was no way that Y/n could like me.

    “Did you like snort all the sugar back there or something? Y/n doesn’t like me, at least not in the way I want them to.”

    “You won’t know until you do something.” That’s it, he was definitely crazy, either that he wanted me to see me suffer.

    Instead of responding, I get up from my chair, “I should get going.”

    “Leaving so soon?” This conversation was starting to get repetitive for me and I didn’t like it. I didn’t come here to make my day worse. I don’t respond to him once again, so he asks me, “Got things to do?”

    In attempt to leave me alone, I say, “Yea, something like that.”

    “Like confess to Y/n?” I don’t have to look at him to know that he’s smirking. I’m sure that if I were to turn around and face him, that my eyes would literally shoot daggers at him.

    “Not going to happen.” I make my exit from the boba shop, and as make my way home, I can’t help but think about the conversation I had with Minho.

    Today’s the day. The day I get to hang out with Y/n outside of CuTea. Yesterday might’ve been the worse day ever, but there was no way I was going to let anything ruin today. F/n and I were meeting up at 4 to finish up our project, and then I’ll be heading out with Y/n. We agreed to go to a restaurant to get dinner and then to the park just to talk. I’m bringing my skateboard because one time they mentioned how they wanted to learn how to ride one, so I thought this might be a chance to do so.

    When arrive at CuTea later on that day, another worker is working the counter, I think their name is Sana. I’m assuming Y/n is in the back room. Once Sana has taken my order, I choose the same table from Monday to sit at, waiting for F/n to arrive.

Once they arrive, I motion for them to come sit down and slide a drink to their side of the table, “Here, I ordered your drink for you already.”

    “Oh. Um, thanks.” Pulling out their laptop from their bag, we get started on the finishing touches. I didn’t bring me laptop since I was going out, so we had to share F/n’s laptop. After we finished what needed to be done, we reviewed everything to make sure that everything was there, but I was struggling to see the screen, so I grabbed, F/n’s chair and pulled it closer to me. I could tell that they were flustered from my action when they asked what I was doing.

    “I can’t see the screen.”

    “Oh. Um, sorry. Is it better now?” Nodding my head yes, we continue to review the final project. Though something feels off about F/n, it’s like they were emitting anxiousness.

    “Hey are you okay?” They’re surprised by my question, but I can tell that there are other emotions they’re feeling.

    “Jisung,” pause, “I like you.” Uh, did I just hear that right?

    Turning to face my whole body towards them, I ask, “What are you going off about?” I wish that I didn’t turn because then I would’ve missed the way the visibly inflated.

    “You can’t be that dense, Jisung.” Honestly, I didn’t know what to say to them.

    “I’m sorry, but-“ they cut me off, something that everyone seems to be doing lately.

    “Don’t. Don’t’ apologize. I know, you like Y/n. I get it. I just wanted to let you know.” They begin to pack up their stuff as a way to escape my stare.

    “When?”

    I can tell that they’re taken back from my question, “When what?”

    “When did you start liking me?” There were no signs of F/n liking me, but then again not everyone was obvious like me, but still I should have been able to pick up on something.

    “Around the second week of us working on the project.” It’s been over two months, and I didn’t even realize it. Well this is awkward.

    “Well now that the project is done, we can stop hanging out with each other.” I watch as they get up from their seat and try make their way to the door. Getting up, I follow them, stopping them before they could leave.

    “Hey, wait up. What do you mean stop hanging out?”

    “Jisung, outside of this project, we would have never talked. We belong to two different circles.” It’s true. F/n’s group was more academic than Changbin, Chan, and I combined, but it’s not like you can’t hang out with those not in your circle.

    “Don’t say that.”

    “It’s true and you know it. Even if you didn’t like Y/n, I would have never had a chance with you. You and I both know that.” I could tell that F/n was starting to get frustrated with me, but I could let them leave without resolving whatever this was.

    “Why do you have to say it like that? Why are you making these assumptions?”

    “Because it’s true Jisung. I’m not your type and it’s clear to see with Y/n.”

    “Just because I don’t reciprocate your feelings doesn’t mean we have to stop being friends.” I liked hanging out with F/n, I didn’t want to stop talking after the project was over.

    “Yes it does. I can’t stand sitting right beside you and you having your eyes glued on Y/n, and with that being said, I’ll see you in class.” They barge out the door as I stand there unsure of how to take in the situation. I look around and I see that no one else in the shop was paying attention to us, or at least they stopped before I could notice. I sigh in defeat, but a voice brings me out of my mood.

    “Hey, did F/n leave already?” I slowly turn around to face Y/n, quickly changing the expression on my face and giving her a bright smile. I guess it was already 5.

    “Yeah, they had some other things to get to.” I didn’t actually know if they did, but I’d rather not tell Y/n what just went down, “You ready to head out?”

    The restaurant I decided to take Y/n out to was not even a restaurant. It was actually a food truck. I thought Y/n would’ve liked it better than any other place, and I was right because they love the Korean tacos they had. Since it was a food truck there were no actual chairs, so we sat on the sidewalk, talking and grubbing. If I were to be honest, I loved every moment of it. It was nice to talk about something that wasn’t boba related. I got to know Y/n more and vice versa. They also pointed out that I liked to stuff my cheeks with food and called me a chipmunk, and I couldn’t help but blush when the casually wiped a piece of food that was on my face. I would’ve been embarrassed, but I was too focus on the fact that their thumb was that close to my lips and that their hand felt so warm on my hand.

    Once we were both done with our food, I offered to throw away the trash, and when I walked back to Y/n, I saw that they were scrolling through Instagram and saw the photo that was displayed on their phone. It was a picture of Minho and Doyeon. Making sure that they knew that I was approaching, I saw that they had quickly turned off their phone. When I reached them, I said, “To the park?”

    Luckily the park was only 2 minutes away from where the food truck was. We had been walking in silence, until I saw a set of swings. Pointing at the swings, I ask, “Should we sit there?” Nodding their head, we make our way to the swings.

    Once seated, the silence comes back.

    “So…”

    “Don’t bring it up Jisung.” So they know that I saw their phone. However, I try to act clueless, “Bring what up?”

    “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

    “So I’m going to take that as a no then.”

    “No?”

    “No, you’re not over Minho.” Great. I really had to ruin the mood for the night by bringing this up, but I had to know the answer.

    “Jisung-“ This time it’s my turn to cut off their sentence.

    “No, it’s fine Y/n. I get it, you need time and Minho hyung is a cool guy, so of course you’re not over him yet, but I hope you know that there are other good guys out there. You shouldn’t wait for one specific fish when you could get others.”

    “Jisung, let me talk.”

    Something inside me had sparked, and for some reason I couldn’t stop my mouth from moving faster than my brain. “No Y/n, let me get this off my chest. I like you Y/n. Crazy, right? We’ve only been friends for like three months, but I’ve fallen completely head over heels for you. You know, the first time I went into CuTea with Changbin and Chan and saw you behind the counter with your cute little cap and apron, the first thought that came to my mind was ‘Wow, they’re beautiful.’ And ever since that day, I would come into CuTea every time the others went because I didn’t want to miss the chance to see you. Yes, the other two knew about my little ‘crush’ on you and tried to encourage me to say something to you that wasn’t my drink order, but I didn’t have the guts to do so because I knew you were out of my league. And then one night I came into the shop by myself after having a stressful week and I just wanted to hear your voice, even if it was for a minute, but I saw you in tears, and it broke me to see you like that. This might sound weird, but I’m thankful I saw you crying that night or else I wouldn’t have been able to talk to you. And talking to you makes my day, heck I was having the worse day yesterday, and decided to go to CuTea to see you, only to see Minho and then have that stupid conversation with him that has now landed me here.” After that long rant, I take a deep breath. I refuse to look at Y/n instead, I look up at the sky and focus my attention on the moon.

    “Are you done now?” After I nod my head they continue, “I know that you like me Jisung.” What. “I’ve known for the past two months.” Again, what. “You’re quite obvious.” At this point, I’ve twisted the swing so that I could face my whole body towards Y/n, and when I do, I see that they’ve already done the same and that they’re looking at me with those beautiful eyes.

    “I-“

    “Stop, I’m not done. I don’t like Minho anymore. I stopped liking him a month after him and Doyeon got together.” This was news was brand new to me. Y/n hasn’t really talked about her feelings for Minho as of lately, so I wasn’t sure how she felt, but I guess I know now. “I also like someone else now.” Oh. I’m pretty sure that cracking noise I just heard was my heart.

    “Oh, I see. Do I know them?” Why? Why do I like to put myself in pain?

    “Yeah, you know them really well.” Great, it was someone that I knew. Wait.

    “It’s not Changbin is it?” If it was Changbin, I think I would just cry and laugh at the same time.

    “Ew, yuck no, it’s not Changbin.” Good, Y/n is out of his league anyways.

    “Chan hyung?” Chan hyung made sense, he too was what every person wanted. I don’t think I could get mad at Y/n for liking him.

    Shaking their head no, they say, “It’s not him either.” If it wasn’t Chan or Changbin, then I wasn’t sure who Y/n could be talking about.

    “The person that I like is funny, outrageous, sincere, confident,” I couldn’t think of anyone that matched the description, “they also stuff their mouth with food like a chipmunk.” Oh, wait. It takes me a moment to process their words. Are they-are they talking about me?

    “Yes dummy I’m talking about you.” I think I need a moment. Y/n just said she liked me. Wait, “I need you to say it.” Y/n gives me a confused look. “I need you to say that you like me.” If they said it, then I can confirm that I’m not making this whole thing up.

    “Han Jisung, I like you.”

    “You like like me?”

    They roll their eyes at me, but still respond, “Yes Jisung, I like like you.”

    “Oh. That’s cool.” One second I’m sitting on the swing, and the next I’m on the ground. Y/n just pushed me. “Hey what was that for?”

    “What kind of response is that? ‘Oh. That’s cool.’ Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, happier?” Ah, I see where I went wrong. Getting up and dusting off the dirt, I stand in front of Y/n with my arms wide open. Hesitantly, they get up from the swing and wrap their arms around me. Giddily, I encase them in my arms and lift them up. I instantly fall in love with the squeal they let out.

    “Han Jisung put me down!”

    “No. It was a trap, and now that you’re in my arms, I’m never letting you go.” I give them a tight squeeze, causing for another squeal to escape from them.

    “But I thought you were going to teach me how to use a skateboard.” That’s right, I was. Gently putting them down, we make eye contact and I can’t help but look shyly away. They giggle because of my timidness, but I see them shiver due to a small gust of wind. Quickly I take off the hoodie I’m wearing and shove it towards them.

    “Here, take this.” They look at me unsure before taking it from me.

    “But what about you?”

    “Don’t worry about me, I got something else to keep me warm.” I wrap my arm around their shoulder, pulling them closer towards me.

    “I like shy Jisung more than I do bold Jisung.”

    “Well lucky for you, you can have both.”

    Yeah, today was definitely a better day than yesterday.

A/N: ah, sorry that it took so long for this to come out! 🥺the semester is coming closer to the end so it’s beginning to get hectic, but I've finally managed to get this out. I decided to do something different this time and wrote in Jisung’s POV. what did you guys think of it? also this came out a longer than I expected, but I really like how this turned out. like always, I appreciate any comments or feedback, so feel free to leave a message.

[lady-grace-pens]

Wip Excerpt: HTKAG

In light of this wip hitting another 10k word goal recently (currently sitting pretty at a whopping 120k/150k 😅), another excerpt is due! This babe I wrote today, buut I actually loved it so much I knew I had to share it with y'all right away. That all being said, let's stop wasting time and get straight into it!

Our scene begins with Allister entering a restaurant to have dinner with Mikko, Fingal, and Perci, but Perci is late.

—

Upon telling the hostess Fingal’s name, she leads me away to the right half of the room. Off in a booth stowed away in the corner sit Mikko and Fingal jabbering away mid-conversation. Once they notice me, they stop and smile.

“Hey! There’s the man of the hour,” Mikko exclaims, throwing his hands in the air.

“Not late, am I?” I grin, taking a seat beside him.

“Nope. Right on time to get some drinks,” Mikko starts smouldering at our hostess.

“With what money?” Fingal retorts with a glare.

Mikko blinks, struggling to come up with a defense. It seems he mustn't have anticipated Fingal to interrupt his attempt at flirting…

“Wha - With our money, of course,” he laughs, trying his best to make a smooth recovery.

“Aye. Which is why we’re not using my money to buy alcohol while a minor is here.”

Mikko doesn’t reply. Then again I suppose he doesn't need to, his confusion is written all over his face.

“Don’t tell me you forgot about Perci. He’ll be here any minute.”

“Oh! Fuck, that’s right. Him. Well obviously he won’t be getting any. And come on! You know how fast I can down a beer Fin! It’ll just be a few. Just a few rounds! Don’t be an ass.”

“Watch yourself Mikko, it's not polite to use such language in the presence of a lady.” I chime in, giving the hostess a polite smile.

“Oh I’ll show you what’s not polite-” Mikko says before slapping my head.

I try to hit him back, but he catches my hand before I can. Before we know it, we’re caught in a ridiculous slapping fight, both laughing our asses off.

“Not in a restaurant, not in a restaurant!” I speak through gasps, trying to end things.

Mikko obliges, tossing his hands back in his lap.

“A waiter will be right with you,” the hostess makes a case to look at each one of us except for Mikko before finishing her sentence, “... gentleman.”

Much to my surprise, Mikko doesn’t seem to be affected by that backhanded insult. Instead he kicks his knees up against the table and rests his head back, totally listless.

“Mikko, I would’ve thought you’d be more offended by that.”

“Huh? Why would I be offended at something when it’s true?”

“I’ll say. You and Al couldn’t be any more opposite. If there’s anything larger than the truth, the fact that you’re not a gentleman is way beyond it.”

“Exactly. And Mikko, you are aware of the fact that she was just a hostess, right? It isn’t even her job to serve us drinks.”

“I... “ Mikko laughs before leaning over the table again. “Listen. You two just don’t get it, do you? No. You don’t. Allow me to be the one who graces your palettes here, eh? Let me tell you what I’m gonna do. Okay? I’m gonna give you a tip. A piece of advice that will change your lives forever. All for free! You don’t even have to pay me. All you gotta do is listen. Got it? You both ready?”

Fingal and I share a look. I can tell we’re thinking along a similar vein of confused intrigue. We should most likely stop Mikko here, as whatever will come out his mouth won’t be anything good. However, we’re both too stunned to stop him, so…

Mikko beckons us to lean closer to him. Fin and I oblige. We’re almost touching heads when at last our dear mentor speaks once again, in a hushed voice. “It’s not about what you say. It’s about how you say it.”

…

There are no words. For about a minute straight Fingal and I are just staring at each other wearing the same expression that exudes two questions. ‘What the fuck? You’ve heard that too, haven’t you?’

Soon after that’s established and our shock subsides, we burst back to life. Fingal starts us off with, “Dammit Mikko. What the fuck? Where did you learn that? Who taught you that?”

“Some guys from the bar! Why, what’s wrong with it?”

“Which guys from the bar?”

“I don’t see how it-”

“Mikko. Which guys from the bar taught you this?” Fingal insists, a flash of anger showing in his eyes.

Mikko seems to notice this, and complies straight away. “Leo, John, Peter and Paul!”

Fingal buries his head in his hands. This sparks my curiosity. I haven’t heard these names before, but Fin clearly has.

“I can’t say I’m familiar with them, who might they be?”

“Bar friends-” Mikko starts, only for Fingal to finish for him.

“Jokesters. Jerks. Cheapskates always looking for a laugh. Assholes. Can’t wait to give them a piece of my mind.”

Mikko shrinks away from Fin. His head is turned away from me, but I don’t need to see it in order to know how stunned he is. It’s expressed flawlessly through the abnormal quietness of his voice. “Fin? What’s up, why’d you-”

“Because those dicks have been filling your head with shit like this every damn time I turned my back, Mikko! Dammit, this - this is why you always get rejected! Universe, I just wish you would’ve checked with me first about things like this. Not some strangers you barely even know, yet idolize them anyway.

You wanna know how you get a girl Mikko? Huh? You be nice. You be nice to them, you talk with them, and you listen. Compliments and flirting, all that helps, of course, but not forever! And you sure as hell can’t build a relationship strictly off of it. Okay? Standards and expectations vary from girl to girl, but with each and every single one there are a few things that you just have to do. Be nice, have respect, help them just for the sake of helping them! Don’t expect anything in return. Overall just - just be a decent fucking human being. That is how you get a girl.”

Mikko sits there, staring at his brother. I can’t help but do the same. In every respect, Fingal is right. Of course he is. It’s just… rare that we see him so worked up. I can hardly believe my eyes. I can hardly believe my ears, I… I can’t imagine how Mikko must be feeling.

Oh so gradually his head sinks down into his lap. He slumps over, and I swear I can see fractions of tears reflect the golden light radiating above us.

“Can’t believe I’m actually telling you this when you’re eighteen. Fucking eighteen,” Fingal scoffs, crossing his arms.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be. I’m not mad at you. This is my own fault, I blame myself.”

“Aw, come on man! That’s even worse,” pouts Mikko.

Fingal then turns to me with an abruptness that makes me jump. “Al, what’s up? You’ve been quiet for a while. You can back me up on this, can’t you?”

“I…” I force a chuckle to try and lighten the air some. “I don’t think that I’m currently in a position to give advice like this, to be honest with you.”

Fingal leans his elbows on the table, holding his head with one hand. “Why? Something happen with Maddie?”

“Oh, did it ever,” I shake my head.

—

Aand that's all you guys get for spoiler reasons! Lmao

(also because that's all I've written today but shhhh don't tell anyone)

Buut yeah. Legit I swear I didn't mean to go so hard on feminist Fingal 😂 I mean don't get me wrong here, he's absolutely right and I'm keeping it in. But still, the words just kept on coming and coming and we ended up with this

so

y'know

yeah

writing is super fun sometimes

Plus tbh, writing the part where Mikko is stroking his ego and whispers his ‘top secret trick to get women’, I was literally laughing out loud 😂 like he's just so wrong, and I love how horribly Mikko fails in life. It's just super funny to me, I enjoy it a lot.

Fingal, however, clearly does not enjoy it, lmao. Legit I had no clue he could be so protective until today! Especially over Mikko. I mean I always knew their dynamics, but today… it really hit home for me.

Go back and look at the line of dialogue Fingal says right after Mikko apologizes (a rare occurrence, actually).

It’s just one little piece of dialogue, barely a few sentences! Yet I feel like it hits you. You know? It reveals so much about his and Mikko’s vibes, their situation. A pair of brothers poor and orphaned by their birth parents and raised by their grandmother, who is only growing older and weaker each year. Fingal, the eldest, having to take responsibility often. He feels pressured to raise his little bro, and feels like he's failed when Mikko turns out to be the way he is. Ya know? It's just one little thing of dialogue but I feel like it makes you feel the pressure Fin has to bear in a situation like theirs. Even if it’s only for a moment.

And Mikko! While he does incite a lot of the comic relief in HTKAG, I wouldn’t call him a strict comic relief character because that's never what I had in mind while writing him. He and Fin actually play a vital role in the plot of the story! Much more than what I can currently reveal to y'all.

Buut anyways, I'll stop rambling now. I really hope you guys enjoyed this little excerpt just as much as I adored writing it :)

—

taglist (let me know if you want to be added or removed!): @vampire-with-a-pen @writingonesdreams @justyouraveragewriter @kazenokaori @dahladahlabills

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Ground Rules

Geralt lays down the law with the help of yennefer after catching the reader haveing a bit of me time in the bath.

Masterlist

Ok this took all day as i couldnt stop tweaking it and i got to the point iv just got to step back and throw it out there or im gonna scream.Any way this is to go along with pastry negotiations its based after that one so could be considered part two? can be read stand alone tho in all honesty these modern reader inserts are gonna jump about in timeline cos my plot bunnys are twats. Im basing my Ciri on a mix of mature netflix Ciri and slightly mischievous witcher 3 Ciri. Any way i hope you enjoy this one im pretty pleased with it xx 

WARNING: Adult Themes, Smut, DubCon Swearing MxFxF 18+

Dont like it dont read it.

Geralt snaps when you take matters into your own hands.

The Ground Rules

"Well someone is excited" Jaskier drolled as he watched your form slowly creating distance between you as you marched ahead.

As the small rickety town came into veiw you cried out a victorious and dramatic "still alive" causing eye rolls and chuckles in the group. Honestly this was the first real town you'd come to since being here and you were thrilled. Sure you'd passed a tiny smattering of houses four or so days ago where you'd traded for some bread, tiny amount of dried meat and a few other essentials oh! and yenn had managed to replace your pastry to the amusment of the resident witcher. They'd both been more open with you since the whole pastry incident-which you thought was an off handed comment on yennefers part but she and geralt had since indicated otherwise.

The people in the village had mentioned of a near by town that was rumoured to have a contract out on a nest of some monster thingamajigs that you hadn't botherd to remeber the name of .You looked down the verge towards the town with immediate thoughts of eat, bathe and sleep- on a bed, a real fucking bed ,ok so it wont be a temper mattress but you could live with that-oh my fucking god hot water,a nice loooong soak you moaned in your throat the thought alone brought tears to your eyes. You walked ahead trying to usher the group.

And maybe you could have your own room. Honestly sharing a bed with the couple was becoming an issue for you,your crush on them was definatly getting out of control now constantly blushing under their heated glances and they are becoming more touchy feely, Hands lingering longer than nesscasary or leaning in so close so thier breath tickled the hairs on your neck basically doing anything to get you flustered and you swear to god yesterday yennefer copped a feel whilst helping you threw a small steam which you didn't need help with;not that she listened. Bottom line you were becoming sexualy frustrated pretty much staying in a constant state of arousal a night away from them to take care of business would be very much appreciated. 

"Come ooooonnnn guys keep up" you turned looking back at them drawing out your whine befor resuming towards the town

"Someone should catch up with her she looks like a girl on a mission" Yennefer commented 

"Yes. Ciri would you keep her near the main gate and out of trouble while we settle roach in the stables ,here take her this she should cover up befor anyone gets any ideas" geralt grunted as your form began to dissapear down the brow of the hill ,ciri looked between the two before shrugging grabbing his offered cloak then ran to catch up with you.

You glanced to the side as you heard footsteps noticing Ciri fall in step with you she held out his cloak.

"Here geralt said to cover up before people get any ideas" you sighed it wasnt your fault his shirt hung off of you showing a large amount of shoulder and chest luckily when the hoover portal of doom sucked you in you were in fleece lined black leggings that had been durable enough to survive the last 3 weeks on the road(your stitch t shirt hadn't survived your initial fall) because you doubt he'd have anything your hips would get in to. Rolling your eyes you pulled the heavy fabric across your shoulders repostioning it so that it wasnt draging on the floor to much but was still sheilding your body. 

"He's such a dad" Ciri giggled nodding in agreement befor reciting what esle geralt had requested ordered. You scoffed shaking your head

"So he doesnt even trust me to walk through a town, he does realise im an adult right? That i can do things with out causing trouble. i mean for god sake im not jaskier" she snorted 

"I think its more like he doesnt want other men trying to sleep with you" you did a double take 

"The hell you know about that sort of shit? has Jaskier been corrupting you?"

 A knowing smirk crossed her face as she held her hands up coming to a halt facing you just inside the wooden gates of the town.

"You think i havent noticed whats going on by myself, Geralt likes you so does yenn jaskiers noticed to, think he's going to write a song" 

"He better bloody not and anyway maybe i want to find a companion for the night." You announced tersely crossing your arms only to freeze as you heard a growl from behind you.

"Oh yes, i may have forgot to mention that witchers are senses are really sensetive" she smiled sweetly, you gaped why were you only being told this now. Looking between her and the others approaching.

"Wh-what how the fuck you leave that out? d-do you think he heard us? from back there" She nodded 

"Most definitely" you gulped feeling yourself shrink into Geralts cloak a little at the looks you received from Geralt and Yennefer as he spoke to her telling her what youd just said.oh fuck.

"when you say senses you mean all of 'em? Not just one or two?" hoping beyond hope that something had been lost in translation.

"Nope all of them sight, smell, hearing the whole lot" she replied watching the colour drain from your horror sticken face. You'd been getting wet over the past few days. And the realisation that he probably knew embarrassed the shit out of you. Geralt smirked obviously he heard.You were so fucked.he knew and if he knew then she knew.oh my god. You were sooo fucked.'whelp there goes my dignity' you thought. He strode past you to the mediocre stables with roach in toe ready to hitch her for the night.Jaskier and yenn followed pulling some of the bags off of the horse then passing them out to their respective owners. Geralt then stood before you all giving you all the 'game plan' as you call it.

"we will find an inn and eat after that you get settled in for the night whist i see about this contract."

"don't bother about me tonight im going to catch myself a young fair maiden for the night" you scoffed at Jaskier's announcement drawing his attention

"Sounding like a creeper there Jask, what? you gonna do throw a net in the tavern? don't think they'd take to kindly to that" he huffed through his nose aggravated. 

"No im going to sing in the tavern and lure a beauty to my side for the night" you played along widening your eyes in false realization

"oohh so your gonna go pay for it, how does it work exactly is it by hour or-" Geralt quickly intervened covering your mouth one to stop the inevitable spat and two before you could corrupt Ciri any further Jaskier deadpanned giving you a flat look.

"you're welcome to come find out for yourself im sure your just Itching  to get some relief-"

"JASKIER! you go ahead at least try to keep a bit of coin back this time" Jaskier 1 Y/n 0.

You glowered behind Geralt's hand as he dismissed the smirking bard who turned on his heel prancing off quite pleased with himself. You smacked Geralt's hand away wiping your mouth with the back of your hand before slowly making your way down the street into town.It had taken nearly half an hour to find a decent inn that had room for the four of you. A room with two double beds that had a heavy curtain to split the room into two it was usually rented by traveling families. You groaned as you walked in, now you really couldn't take care of business, you followed Ciri as she placed her bag on the bed on the left following suit you placed yours on the other half of it only to have Yennefer quickly relocated it to her side of the other bed. Ciri snorted giving you a knowing look.you sighed then stomped across the room. Knowing all to well that it was futile to argue with the sorceress ,the witcher was stubborn but she was something else. Geralt handed a small pouch of coin to Yennefer.

"This is for the new clothes Ciri needs a thicker cloak preferably fur lined maybe new boots to not sure how long those will last in the mountains." yennefer hummed as she pocketed the money. 

"And the clothes for Y/n as well?" 

"Yes, should be enough there for what we discussed if not i'v got a bit more saved" you raised your brows blinking at them.

"err what was discussed? guys? what did you talk about? was it about me? helloooo" you waved as they ignored you.Yennefer pulled off her cloak leaving it on her side of the bed. you and Ciri followed their lead only for Geralt the tug yours back across you giving a sharp look as you rolled your eyes.The group made its way down into the quiet main room of the family run inn where you were served a meal of roast beef with vegetable trimmings ,before you knew it Geralt had left to find out about the contract with a final 'Behave' thrown in your direction.To which you grunted in response,too full to even tell him to 'jog on' - a phrase that still frustrated the witcher as he didn't know the meaning-. Yennefer had asked for a bath before your meal which you were just informed was ready leaving you alone with the sorceress. You had all decided Ciri would have the bath first then you, yennefer and finally geralt if he was back before it got cold.

"I cant breath" yennefer laughed out loud you rubbed your tummy closing your eyes

"I mean honestly, I think theres food in my lungs" groaning leaning back against the chair she gave a sympathetic smile

"Well you did inhale your food, maybe next time take it easy."

"Can you blame me, been the first meat iv recognized since i got here" It was true so far you'd been living on meats that you wouldn't have necessarily chose to eat back home rabbit,mutton venison ect.

"After we've bathed we will rest for the day but tomorrow we have to run over to the seamstress and get your new clothes, not sure how long we will be here and might have to order some or have them taken up,you are a little thing.Might have to have some leather work done too." you squinted pointing an accusing finger at her

"You calling me a midget? we going for shots now are we?" she smiled sheepishly

"No .no shots?. i just meant your petite don't worry its very cute. Anyway we are only picking up the basics a few day dresses ,Riding clothes boots that sort of thing" you blinked owlishly flushing as she called you cute. 

"Riding clothes yes. Dresses no thank you" she stared unblinking at you for a few moments making you squirm at the calm expectant gaze that was getting heavier by the second, it was like the eyes of a mother when you'd been caught doing some dumb shit you knew you shouldn't be doing.

"Stop it....Yenn no... cant i just get something like Geralt has..please... i'd be much more comfortable...even Jaskier i mean im not one for the puffy bits but 'd make do....."

she blinked slowly

"Oh fine but only one or two no more and your not getting rid of these leggings either" you gave in, her gaze was to unnerving and it did things to you. Her face lit up. She was looking forward to seeing you in feminine gown instead of a her and Geralt's shirts not that she minded but it'd be a nice change to your strange stetchy leggings (not that she minded you in the form fitting bottoms) She moved leaning in to your side hand on your thigh patting it lightly.

"Thank you, don't be so worried i will take good care of everything" you gulped as you felt the flushed skin of your face grow hotter,your core clenching and warming at her sultry reply you closed your eyes trying to regain a bit of control. Suddenly her attention was drawn to a pink skinned Ciri who had finished her bath and changed Yenn nodded and released your thigh. You bolted upstairs hearing a chuckle as you did.

Once in the room you sighed in relief, making your way towards the screened off section that held a large oval tub full of steaming water. Discarding your clothes as you all but melted into the hot water.You submerged yourself getting your hair wet scratching tentatively at your scalp that had begun to ache under the grime. Spotting a small stool with what you'd consider toiletries, a bar of hard sweet smelling soap and a few vials.You grabbed the soap, opting for using it for your hair as well unsure what vials did what and went where.After scrubbing all the built up sweat and dirt you you closed your eyes lounging back against the slanted end tub you relaxed a few moments it wasn't long before you were feeling much better ,tired muscles succumbing to the soothing hot water.your body hummed. 'no one would have to know' as your summarized that this was the perfect opportunity to relieve yourself of other tensions, 

'its not like geralt could smell you under water, i mean i dont think dogs can thats why criminals cross rivers when their being hunted on tv isn't it?' biting your lip you peaked an eye open and listened out carefully feeling naughty when you began moving your hand to the apex of your thighs gasping as your finger ghosted over your hardened bundle of nerves .Fuck. Your clit was sensitive not surprising when Geralt and Yennefer had practically edged you for nearly a week. You whined quietly as you began a fast rhythm on your clit ,other hand slinking down to your opening rubbing your fingers up and down the warm weeping hole. You bit off a groan as your hips gyrated against your roaming hands. Stomach tensing as you drove yourself faster and faster to the edge.Almost there.Fuck almost-you jumped hissing 'shit' ,ripping your hands away from yourself , sitting up fast enough to make your head spin splashing a wave of water over the floor when you heard the door open slamming the wall beside it.

"err theres some one in here!" you called out loudly, angry at who ever just interrupted you.You got nervous as the heavy steps quickly made their way towards you.Realizing who ever it was didn't care for your modesty as they were coming your way you slung your top half out of the tub to grasp the towel screaming because before you could grasp it and cover yourself a large calloused hand enveloped your shoulder shoving you back into the water.

"WH-GERALT THE FUCK? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME." you shouted at him as he released you then you looked down slapping your hands down to cover your self as he raised his eyebrows and gave a lop sided grin.He defiantly looked like the big bad wolf in that moment eyes ablaze with a hunger you wasn't sure you wanted to explore or not. Collecting yourself swallowing dryly before scolding him in a voice that seemed to become smaller with each word.

"hey! get the fuck out im trying to bathe you prick" you heard the door open and close again in a less violent fashion. And suprize suprize yennefer glided into view behind the .

"Thats not all you were doing tho was it? i can fucking smell you" was growled at you as geralt wet his lips you squeaked. 

"huh? b-but.. i thought..w-water" you stuttered out as your brain malfunctioned on on an epic scale. Yennefer gave out a loud laugh.

"so thats why he tore threw the inn like that.honestly Geralt i thought something was wrong" she continued laughing as she replayed the way geralt had all but vaulted the tables to get to the stairs. you pouted throughly humiliated

"something is wrong" he ground out before kneeling beside you .Shifting you tired to create some distance from him. He was having none of that wasting no time thrusting his hands into the water tugging away your shielding hand the other forcing its way between your legs. You slammed back against the tub gasping trying to get away. All you'd achieved was his hand pinning your hips to the back of the bath by your pussy

"GERALT WHA-"  

"Lets lay down some ground rules" He squeezed your throbbing heat in his hand curling his fingers dangerously close to your opening you bucked moaning breathlessly .Your eyes searched Yennefer's for help but she wore a similar hungry look that he had. Another slow squeeze brought your attention back to the brooding alpha male in the room.

"This is ours.ours to lick,suck and fuck as we see fit, to do what we please with and is off limits to your wandering little hands we clear on that?" You groaned out as he emphasized certain words with teasing brushes of fingers and a slow rub of his palm. Realizing that he might actually be serious.You nodded quickly babbling as he rocked his hand back and forth igniting the heat that you had built alone.

"C-crystal-please Geralt PLease" You threw your head back as his hand moved deliberate and teasing.

"You think you deserve it? after being caught up here playing with yourself?" You nodded then shook your head confused, unable to really concentrate on anything apart from his magnificent hand ,half lidded eyes and clenching your fingers tight around the thumb he was using it to control your movements as your body whithered under his ministrations.

"Really?" He said smirking as he held completely still you sucked through your teeth biting back curses.He chuckled smug bastard. moving trying to get some friction to no avail.

"Well we have been teasing the poor thing ,of course shes going to try sorting herself out the first chance she gets .Honestly Geralt what did you expect? i did tell you" yennefer reasoned as she stood behind you combing threw your wet hair you before grasping your free hand pulling it up out of the way kissing your palm before ghosting her nose down your neck pressing soft kisses along it you mewled at her and tried to coax geralt to continue again by rolling your hips.

"I suppose we could let her off this time" His voice was pure sex as he glanced down before giving into pushing two thick fingers up into you. his breach of your walls had an initial sting but was incredible as your needy walls tried sucking him deeper greedy to be filled.

"oh-oh fuck Ger-please" you arched your back pushing down onto his hand clutching onto Yennefer's wrist. you were so hot .fuck.he was gonna make you cum too quick. You panted throwing your head side to side as your legs tensed then raised up towards your torso, your pussy wrapped tight around Geralts fingers as he held them deep every few thrusts making you feel just how your walls rippled around him. he alternated between fast and shallow then slow and deep trying to build you up slowly he wasn't going to rush you, he was skilled enough to walk you up to the edge and throw you off whenever he damn well pleased. You'd never been this desperate in your life . Yenn's cool fingers delicately teased out your nipples pinching and flicking them until they stood out provocatively. You rocked against the both of them as Geralt made sure to start dragging your clit up and down with his palm as he finger fucked you curling his fingers searching for that small spot that'd send your mind reeling. Yenn had leaned down kissing your cheek and begun whispering lowly into your ear.

"He knows what he's doing doesn't he?Iit wont take him long to find every single spot you have, thats the thing with bedding a witcher they are much more observant then regular men. I have no doubt he will know when your going to orgasm before you do.He has the ability to force them out of nowhere when ever he pleases.. He is quite cruel like that" you moaned out loud snapping your head back high pitched and vulgar sounds tore from your throat as Geralts invading fingers began rubbing furiously back and forth on a soft spot inside of you.Unable to control yourself as your legs and tummy spasmed erratically as your tearfull moans and pleas filled the room

"Thats it oh i think iv found it~" he boasted as he moved his elbow pinning a knee to the side of the tub leaving your clit cruelly exposed for Yennefer,they shared a look as she moved her hand down to join Geralts taking over to rub small firm circles on your exposed clit.

"oh-OH fuck noNOno i cant please i ca-UGh to-Too much please FUCK" Yennefer was quick to swallow your moans in a kiss of clashing teeth and tongues before any one could hear ,tears streamed down your face as your body ached your pussy contracting painfully around his swiping digits. Pulling back for air the sorceress placed open mouthed kisses over your shoulders leaving red marks with her teeth and sucking bites.

"Good girl your being sooo good you don't have to ask this time" she praised as she reached your ear befor sucking harshly below your jaw. you were quickly becoming putty in their hands Geralt growled as he picked up the begining tremors of your orgasm.

"Look at me" you obeyed instantly moaning as you watched the white wolf pull his lip up in a snarl that would have scared you any other time.

"This is what you were made for, your ours, we own you, mind body and soul we own every whimper ,every tear ,every orgasm and hole they are ours for the taking when ever we choose,from now only ecstasy you will know is what we give you" You'd never have guessed how filthy his mouth could be but it seemed to have the desired effect as a sudden rush of heat was your only warning before rearing up screaming out, not sure if you'd shut your eyes or blacked out for a moment as you gushed into the bath water.Geralt pressed into you persistent while Yennefer's hand continued the tight circles efficiently drawing out the best orgasm your ever had.Finally their movements ceased and your body went limp wracked trembling in the aftermath as your orgasm ebbed away slowly. After giving you a few moments to come down and catch your breath Geralt removed his fingers you whimpered inside's still so sensitive after your orgasm, sucking on them he moaned deep and feral before plucking your clenched fingers off his thumb. Yennefer quickly wiped your pussy gently clearing the cum from between your swollen lips. Making you twitched as the cloth ran over you.Pulling you from the bath was a joint effort as they rested you on the bed and began patting you dry with the towel.Moaning in protest as your arms waved loosely trying to take over only having your hand smacked away as they finished.Lying back looking up at them bleary eyed trying to stay awake you felt like jelly, giving up fighting you rolled over yawning tucking your arms below your head Yennefer tilted her head stroking your hair sending you into a relaxed sleep.

"Poor dear ,Oh look at her geralt shes all fucked out and we haven't even fucked her yet" 

"hmm she'll be ok we just need to work on her stamina" he replied patting your bottom as he pulled the cover over your washed out form.Geralt panicked

"Shit wheres Ciri?"

"well when you came charging in down stairs i told her to go find Jaskier and stay there until one of us came to get her" Yennefer said with a sly grin he shook his head and scooped her up kissing her passionately. As he took a few steps to the now vacant bath

"well the bath is still warm care to join me?"

"with pleasure lets try not to wake her tho"

.

See you soon xxx

[bkpkinyourarea]

Stop Badgering Me I hogwarts!au

TWICE’s Sana + Jennie + Lisa (+ maybe others but not at the same time) x Slytherin Reader (fem)

Genre: Predominantly Angst, maybe smut later on

Summary: You’re popular, a prefect, a Slytherin and known as one of the most infamous players that Hogwarts have ever seen. Personally, you don’t think you’re a player (because you genuinely love the girls you date) but you admit that it’s a bit of a fun reputation. A reputation eventually ruined by a certain Hufflepuff: Minatozaki Sana. 

A/N: I don’t even know what this is - it’s a bit of a train wreck (still a fun ride though). Loads of people feature. 

Part I | 

Word Count: 3,847

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex

Minatozaki Sana. Minatozaki Sana. Minatozaki Sana.

      The name spirals with brutal efficiency through the chaos of your mind as you storm down the hallway, the stone nearly cracking beneath your feet from the sheer rage you’re radiating. You’re well aware of the stares you’re getting - you don’t often show your emotions in public, after all, but when you’re pissed, you’re pissed and you don’t bother hiding it. Ever since that incident during Third Year, nobody had dared to even touch you, too scared of the consequences that’d entail. Too scared of Slytherin’s Hydra. 

      Well, everyone except for your close friends.

      And a certain Hufflepuff going by the name of Minatozaki Sana. 

      “Y/N, HEY-”

      Jisoo’s voice is sharp and unusually commanding, and the familiar lilt in her tone serves to soothe your fraying nerves but you’re too on edge and already too off-kilter to listen. You curve quickly around a corner and fly down a flight of stairs, nearly trampling over several First Years in your hurry to get down to the basement.

      “Y/N!” Jisoo bellows, and this time you stop if only because you’re surprised. She’s used the amplifying charm on her voice and the sound waves barrel down the narrow stairway straight into your ears, nearly knocking you over with their impact. She’s always been a little too gifted in Charms, a skill which was exceptionally handy when she was on your side, but when it was used against you - let’s say you’re not a huge fan of that.

      “What?” your face twists into an ugly grimace as you stop at the bottom of the steps. If you’d been an outsider watching your actions, you would’ve sneered at yourself. Unfortunately, you don’t deal with this kind of anger often and because of that, it takes over you every single time. “Don’t fucking talk to me. I told you not to talk to me when I’m fucking pissed. You know this-”

      “Shut the fuck up, Y/N,” Jisoo growls, and this takes you back enough for you to actually shut up. “I refused to get blamed for getting jinxed by you because I was trying to comfort you and find out what’s wrong, and same goes for our friends. That’s on you, and only you, and you can deal with that yourself when-”

      “Then I’ll deal with it myself - jeez, for fuck’s sake, Jisoo, I have shit to get done, what do you not under-”

      “I don’t want to talk to you either and if I had a choice, I wouldn’t be here arguing with you right now. Unfortunately, you’re disrupting the peace in the hallways, and by the looks of it, about to storm into my common room. As prefect, and as your friend -”

      “I’m a fucking prefect too, and some friend you are, Jisoo-”

      “I’m taking you to Professor McGonagall’s office,” Jisoo’s face is stony and shadowed, and okay maybe it scares you a bit now but you really don’t have the fucking time for this - you’ll apologise after you deal with the present situation.

      “You’re not going to,” you deadpan, shoving a hand into your robes. “You won’t do that to me.”

       Jisoo catches your wrist and eyes you dangerously. “Don’t fucking test me-”

       “Kim, I don’t have the time for this. I’ll deal with this later.” 

       You see her open her mouth but that’s the last thing you see because you’ve ripped your arm out of her grip and pulled your wand out of your pocket. Without so much as a glance back, you tear your way down the hallway and thank fuck there’s a turn because that means Jisoo’s going to have to catch up to aim a spell at you, and spellcasting in the corridors is so against the rules and you’re the fastest runner - Jisoo can’t stop you even if she wants to. Nobody can fucking stop you. You’re going to get in the bloody common room, and you’re gonna find her and -

      You reach the barrels and it’s easy enough to get through because you’ve gone in more than a hundred times now and the pattern has never changed but in your hasty anger, you tap the wrong barrel, or you do it the wrong amount of times and the lid bursts and vinegar spews out and drenches you completely.

      This is really probably the most Gryffindor thing you’ve ever done in your life here at Hogwarts. God, you’re so going to regret this later, and so is the rest of Slytherin House. But right now, you could hardly care less.

      You spit onto the ground, trying to rid your mouth of excess vinegar and wipe your lips with the back of your hand. Distantly, you hear a familiar laughter, but rid of humour. There’s no spell, though, no nothing, and a part of you stops to wonder what Jisoo’s doing but the larger part of you is already tapping out the pattern on the barrel.

      It opens and you don’t waste time. Practically plastering vinegar all over the walls of the passage, you crawl your way up until you reach the familiar room. It’s just as you remembered: bright and lively, decorated in yellow and black and honey wood, with round doors and plants and circular shelves and of course, circular windows. 

      At the pungent smell of vinegar, the Hufflepuff students turn and the beginnings of laughter permeate the air. When their gazes settle on your irate figure, however, the sounds waver and fall silent. There’s only a few - around five - and all of them are from the years below which serves you well. 

      “Where is she?” your voice is quiet as it always is, but the steely edge and the half-mad gleam in your eyes (nearly enough to convince the Hufflepuffs that you’re totally unhinged) is all you need.

      “Who?” 

      Your eyes, dark as dusk flicker over to the speaker - a First Year by the looks of it, shy and nervous and shrinking under your gaze - and you lick your lips, “I’m looking for -”

      “Yeah, I’m curious too, Y/N, who?”

      It sounds from behind you. Jisoo. You turn and she’s there, hands in pockets, head tilted and amused. Too angry to be anything but, perhaps.

      You shake your head at her, knuckles nearly turning white from the strength in which you’re gripping your wand and you storm toward the girls’ dormitories, ignoring Jisoo’s shouts of protest. You’re quick enough to avoid her onslaught and hurry down the steps until you reach the bottom floor - it’s not nearly as bright and the walls feel as though they’re closing down on you (you’re not good with closed spaces, have never really been. you wonder now - it’s a stupid thing to wonder, really, but you hate her right now so you wonder about it anyway - if she did it on purpose, just to spite you).

      It’s the door just a sharp left turn from the stairway. It’s just an ordinary door - round and made of honey wood and entirely harmless if not for the name engraved on it and the crude hamster drawing underneath. 

      You kick it open and storm in. The door slams with a resounding thud, and it is with a satisfied smirk with which you regard the one, no, two, girls in the room. It’s funny to see them jump, funny if only because it soothes your bitter hurt in a bitter ironic way. 

      The cause of your entire tornado of chaos is sitting on her chair, legs resting on the patchwork quilt covering her bed. She’s dressed in an oversized t-shirt, and she’s staring at you with the most bewildered, bemused expression you’ve ever seen. You would’ve laughed if the circumstances were different. Hell, you would’ve squished her cheeks in between your hands and kiss-no. fuck no.

      “Minatozaki Sana,” you snarl, triumphantly angry. You barely register the presence of the other girl who’s nestling on top of the bed as you cross the room in several strides. Sana scrambles off the chair and backs away, still bewildered but not afraid.

       “Y/N? What are you doing?” she sounds confused. You wonder why the fuck does she sound confused. She knows what she's done. Surely, she didn’t think you were so stupid that you wouldn’t find out?

       “You have the nerve to ask me what I’m doing?” you’re so angry that you’re practically shaking now. You don’t think you’ve ever been so angry before in front of a stranger. A stranger. It reminds you, and you turn to the other girl.

      It’s Seulgi, you recognise. You’re friends, kind of. She’s nice, pretty, good at Quidditch. Perfect, really. 

      “Y/N, you’re soaked in vinegar, let-” Sana starts. There’s something akin to concern flickering through her eyes and she makes to move toward you. You stare, then you laugh, derisive.

      “Save it, Sana. Stop pretending you care,” you sneer, turning toward Seulgi. Seulgi looks more worried than afraid which is good, it’s good, so good. You shrug off your vinegar covered robes, letting them fall onto the floor with a light thud, leaving you in your white blouse and slacks. Sana doesn’t say anything, uncharacteristically, and if you were in your right mind, you would’ve stopped and turned to look, but you were too far gone to notice.

      “Seulgi,” you announce, a lopsided half-smile adorning your lips. “Let’s have sex. Right here, right now, on this bed. Let’s do it in front of Sana. She likes that, doesn’t she?” You register a look of utter shock crossing the innocent Hufflepuff girl’s face, register her lips parting before someone’s hands are tight on your shoulders, jerking you around and away.

      It’s Sana, and she’s staring at you strangely. You grin at her, all teeth and no humour, and you cock your head. 

      “What?” you laugh, throwing your head back. “You do like it, you -”

      Sana’s hands are cupping your cheeks and her lips are on yours, soft and firm and familiar, tasting like honey and - 

     You smile into the kiss before your mouth yields to her and she’s pushing you back and your back collides with the wall and everything hurts in that sweetly excruciating, agonising kind of pain that’s beginning to characterise every encounter you have with Sana.

     “Sana, Sana, Sana,” you laugh against her lips, uncaring of the fact that your teeth are knocking and her fingernails are digging into your shoulders and your heart feels as if it's on fire and your lungs are burning. “Kissing me won’t change the fact you fucked her in my bed.” 

      Her tongue swipes over your lips and then she’s gone. Well, not gone. She still has your arms pinned over your head onto the wall and her body is flush against you, so close that you can feel every curve, every breath, everything that’s Sana and it’s overwhelming in a beautiful way which hurts. Because you’re looking at her face, straight into those eyes and god, you hate her so much except you don’t and you can’t, no matter what she does, no matter what you do.

      “I’m not kissing you to change it,” Sana breathes. Your eyes meet again, fixed, stuck, and then you pull your gaze away. Jerk it away with a strength you didn’t think you had anymore, not with her, anyway. 

      “So, you admit it then,” you say, coolly. “You fucked her in my room. In my bed. With no regrets whatsoever.”

      “I never said I had no regrets.”

      And you must be delusional because Sana sounds regretful, looks regretful. You stare at her blankly, and then you burst out laughing.

      “Biggest fucking joke of the year. So, who is it, then? Who’s the lucky girl you fucked in my bed?” You can’t stop laughing for some reason and Sana still has you pinned up against the wall so you’re sure you look hilarious to any onlookers but you could hardly care less, not even if the entire Hufflepuff House came, not even if  the entire fucking school came.

      You think Sana winces, but how can she wince? She loved it, loves it - humiliating you, making you hurt and burn. She lives for that. Ever since the two of you first met. That’s all she’s ever done, that’s all she wants.

      “Don’t use the word fuck,” Sana mutters, looking down. It’s strange, she still has your arms pinned. You two are still so close together, too close. 

      “What, then? Make love?” And you hate the fact that you voice breaks, cracks in the middle of the words but you can’t help it - it’s like a knife, no, like a million knives sharpened to the sharpest point stabbing you repeatedly over and over again in your heart. Those two words...and Sana and someone who isn’t you...it hurts more than you care to admit. Sears you like a brand - fire stamp.There’s a hard lump in your throat and it refuses to go away. A quick glance shows that no one’s in the room yet, so no one other than Sana has seen you break (you don’t know if that’s good or not, honestly, but it hardly matters. Sana has seen all of you, including your vulnerable self long before this moment. She is one of the only ones in the world who truly knows you. Your enemy now. Funny.)

      Sana is biting her lip, cheeks sucked in, and if you didn’t know better, you’d think she’s in pain, that she’s hurting (she is, it hurts her to see you like this, always have but you refuse to believe it). 

      “Who. The. FUCK IS IT, SANA?” 

      Maybe, this is the most Gryffindor thing you’ve ever done. You don’t think you’ve ever had a public outburst like this since...forever. Definitely way before you came to Hogwarts. AAAND, it’s public as well because the door is wide open (there’s no one there but still) and if you were in your right mind, you would’ve stopped and shut the door, or left, or carried the conversation somewhere else but you were as far from your right mind as you possibly could be and so you didn’t. You looked away and forgot they were even there.

      “Seulgi,” Sana says, and if she bites her lip anymore it’s going to bleed - and it’s probably hugely funny that she’s still pinning you against the wall and neither of you have bothered to move away. It probably says something about the two of you. “It was Seulgi.”

      The name registers in your mind, and your lips part as understanding dawns. Instinctively, your eyes dart over to the bed - she’s gone, well, of course she is, she probably knows - course she fucking knows. 

      “She was here.” It comes out as a whisper as you look slowly back up at Sana. Distantly, in the back of your mind, it occurs to you that Jisoo isn’t saying anything so, like, what’s up over there? Why wasn’t she doing anything. Please don’t fucking do anything.

      Sana nods, swallowing. 

      “So, what, you’re dating now?” Your voice remains steadily quiet. Too quiet.

      (Sana wishes you were screaming instead. It’s unnerving because you never scream, you only scream when you’re so very pissed but it’s still better than this because anger she can deal with, anger is a strong emotion and she’s good with intense emotions but this? this is colder, quieter, suppressed - detached and disengaged - Sana has never been good at dealing with this side of you, the most Slytherin part of you.)

      “Y/N.” 

      Sana seems like she’s pleading but you’re past falling for those puppy eyes and pouty lips (even if you can tell the difference between the fake ones and the real ones and this is so definitely real) and you just don’t fucking care. 

      “Are you dating Seulgi, Sana?” The words are smooth, lilting as they fall past your lips. Like they don’t grate the back of your throat, scraping the flesh swollen red and bloody, like you can’t taste metallic copper on your tongue from biting too hard. You’re so good at pretending, too good - when you believe that things are over and done with and you’re detaching yourself from everything. 

      Sana is visibly searching your face for something, anything - you see that and you refuse to give her the satisfaction (you given her your entire soul already, at least let you keep this). She sees nothing, and maybe you see her visibly withdrawing as well - you pretend you don’t.

      “I’m not,” she says quietly, head bowed. You can feel her hair - grazing the bare skin of your collarbone; kissing your neck like fluttering feathers (you can remember it - how her lips felt on your neck - like it had been just yesterday when it happened, and not so long ago it might have as well been centuries)

      It says something about you that you don’t move away, only flinching, but allowing yourself to be pinned - you’ve nearly forgotten about the compromising position you’re in but only nearly. 

      “You sure? You two seem pretty chill on the bed just now. Nice and cozy. She’s a nice girl, pretty, sweet, good dancer, good Quidditch player, good-”

      “We’re not. She’s just a friend. It’s a - it was a one time thing, I promise.”

      You lift a shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t care if you’re dating or not. What matters is the fact that you fucked her in my bed. Minatozaki Slut fucked a girl in my room, my bed, with no shame.”

      Sana flushes dark red, and oh, she’s angry, you can tell. Real angry. Sana angry is scary, actually, but you’re angry too and so it only fuels a broken smile onto your face. 

      “I didn’t fuck her,” Sana says quietly, “we made love. She made love to me, and I made love to her.”

      And now, you struggle. Sana’s stronger than she seems, though, and keeps your arms pinned firmly. She’s not smiling, but you are - all teeth and spit and wide eyes. She sees you break under the weight of the words, sees the cracks form on your oh so impeccable facade at her selective use of language. She sees the tears glittering in your brilliantly dark eyes. The blood on your lips. She’s broken you, and you both know. But you’ve broken her too - because she’s crying openly and she’s trembling so badly that you can feel it against your own skin and her hands are shaking, and then she’s gone. 

      Your arms fall back by your sides and you watch through swimming vision and watery eyelashes dangling with diamond teardrops as someone drags Sana away - Jisoo? You blink, mouth widening as protest fills you and the next moment, Sana is back, her lips against yours. Your mouth parts willingly, taking her in as if she’s oxygen and you need her to live even though your mind is screaming - no, no, no and it’s a wet, messy, sloppy kiss, tasting of salt and tears, filled with a desperate sort of need mixed with hurt and pain and anger and-

      Nothing. Through the glassy window of tears, you see...Momo? Nayeon? Someone pulling at Sana, pulling her away from you. She’s crying too, and everything hurts in a way you are all too familiar with. 

      You slump against the wall, feeling as if all your energy’s been zapped away from you, stolen away along with your heart.

      “Hey, easy there, Y/N.” Someone’s arms are encircling you, supporting you and when you blink and force yourself to focus, a familiar face swims into view. “Don’t fall for me, now.” The girl is smirking, though it’s faint and light and more concerned than anything else.

      Light blonde curls, wide eyes - soft. 

      Lisa. 

      You manage to smile through the tears, a laugh tearing past your lips as you try to straighten yourself, only to stumble and fall further into her arms. Her hold on you tightens, eyes shadowed with concentration.

      “Can’t, sorry,” you glance up at her with a half grin (you’re really too good at this) and stumble, face burying into the crook of her neck. “I’ve already fallen for you.”

      You shouldn’t be doing this. You really shouldn’t be doing this. Breaking your own heart wasn’t enough, now you have to break others too? Just because you’re hurting doesn’t mean you have to drag others down with you.

      But you’ve always been bitter, obsessed with holding grudges. And Lisa is Lisa. 

      Gryffindor. Heart of Gold. 

      But gold is easy to break.

      Your eyes slide over to the side, meeting Sana’s briefly. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, cornered by Jisoo and Rose who seem to be lecturing her fiercely, though you can’t really tell from your current point of view. Sana isn’t quite listening, a fact you know only because she’s looking straight at you, her face red and tear-streaked, black lines of mascara trailing down her face and gods she fucking beautiful.

      And, you suddenly realise that despite everything, Sana is Sana, a Hufflepuff to the soul and her heart? It’s made of gold too.

      And maybe you’ve broken it already, maybe you haven’t. But you’re overcome with the urge to hurt her. Make her feel the pain you feel, make her burn. You want her to feel what you’re feeling, but a million times more. 

     So, you make sure she’s looking, and then you lean forward and kiss Lisa. Her lips are soft, like the rest of her, and they yield almost immediately to you, parting, sighing. Her hands tangle through your hair and she’s pulling you closer, hugging you in an almost protective manner as she caresses your cheeks. She kisses you like you’re something precious she wants to love, like something she wishes to protect, all soft and concerned and loving. It makes you want to melt into her embrace; it reminds you of a better time, a time long gone. 

      When you break apart, Lisa’s staring at you with wide eyes and pink cheeks, looking very much like a startled baby deer. 

      “I’m-”

      You press a finger against her lips, smiling quietly. “It’s okay,” you tell her, “we’ll talk later.”

      You see Sana out of the corner of your eye, composed, smirking. 

      “I kiss better, don’t I?” she calls out, ignoring Rose and Jisoo’s not-so-subtle threats. “You’ll always want me, baby girl-”

      Before you can even open your mouth to retort, Lisa is unfurling herself from you and you watch with wide eyes, half amused, as she storms over, grabs Sana by the shoulders, fingernails digging into her shoulder and lean forward, growling lowly, “she’s not your baby girl and she’ll never be. you’re an-”

      Sana never lets her finish, stealing forward to press a kiss against Lisa’s lips. Lisa pulls away instantly like she’s been stung and Sana laughs. You wonder honestly if she’s a Hufflepuff. She remains, to this day, the most Slytherin of people that you know (perhaps one of the highest compliments you can give) and as if she can read your thoughts, she glances over and winks.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Supercorp: they are locked in a room togetherness they talk (the bottle episode you mention).

Lena stumbles when rough hands shove her into a room, tripping to catch herself on cuffed hands as the door slams shut behind her. 

“Lena!” 

She flinches from hands that grab her shoulders, shoving away from the body in front of her just as fingers pluck at the hood over her head and lift the darkness from her vision.

Concerned blue eyes gaze at her, almost purple in the red haze filling the room. Kara’s hands are also handcuffed, and a similar hood sits discarded in the far corner. Lena’s brain inhales a stream of data-- someone knows Kara is Supergirl, Kara doesn’t have her powers, she’s stuck in a room with Kara the liar Danvers-- and spits out a single realization: she is absolutely screwed.

“Are you in pain?” Lena asks, before Kara can say anything further. 

She assumes the red haze is a red sun simulator, but the risk of red kryptonite flits at the back of her mind like a ghost. 

Kara shakes her head. “No. I’m fine. Really.”

Lena nods a receipt, and reflexively reaches into her hair to withdraw a bobby pin. Snapping it in two, she folds one piece into an L, and inserts it into the lock of Kara’s cuffs. A little bit of tension on the mechanism, an assisting scoop from the other half of the hairpin, and the cuff falls away from Kara’s right wrist.

She ignores the beat of silent surprise that follows. “Thanks.”

Within moments Lena’s given her own cuffs the same treatment, and she snaps the open cuff closed next to its mate on her left wrist. 

Kara hesitates. “Umm… shouldn’t we take them off?”

“They may not have spares,” Lena states, “which means if they want to restrain us again, they’re going to have to work for it.”

“Oh. Right.” The hero follows suit, soon sporting a set of matching bracelets. 

Lena climbs to her feet and starts moving, examining every corner of the room before turning her attention on the door itself. No cameras is a rookie mistake-- a mistake incongruous with someone who knew Supergirl’s secret identity. 

An identity Lena is steadfastly ignoring. 

“You seem very… calm,” Kara observes, after several long minutes of quiet. 

Halfway through trying to slip her fingers between the door and it’s ill-fitting jamb, Lena loses the fight against rolling her eyes. “And how am I supposed to seem at a time like this?”

“Scared? I know I am. A little.”

Hm, a Kryptonian without her powers? Scared? 

No shit.

“What?”

“I said,” Lena covers her mumbled slip of the tongue deftly, “that my first abduction happened at age eight. Fear serves no purpose in a situation like this.” 

It shuts Kara up for a blessed few minutes, allowing Lena to work in peace. Then…

“You were only eight?”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t… what?”

Lena shoves away from the door, whirling to face her former friend. “Don’t pretend you give a single shit about what happened before you met me.”

She expects Kara to shrink away, to tuck her tail and retreat. To her surprise, Kara’s features harden.

“I do care, Lena. That was never in question.”

“Oh, right! You do care,” Lena drawls. “You care enough to learn all about me, about all the hurt and betrayal I’ve faced all my life, and then throw all it all back in my face at once by lying to me!”

“I was afraid of losing you!”

“You wouldn’t have lost anything if you’d just TOLD me!”

“I KNOW THAT!”

Lena stops short. She stares as a dozen emotions flash across Kara’s features before remorse takes root. Kara hugs herself, shrugging helplessly. “I know that now. I-- I had a chance to tell you multiple times, and each one, no matter how hurt you were, you always came around. You were always my friend.”

Lena tries to revel in the grief that emanates from Kara, in her misery. She always had before. Her sole comfort in betrayals was the way her former friends desperately tried to backpedal their way out of her scorn. But Lena’s never seen any of them embrace it. Never had any of them accept responsibility, agree with her, see her pain and tell her she’s right.

“I wish I’d known that before, but I didn’t, and I made a choice that hurt you. And I’m sorry for that. I’m so sorry. I never, never wanted to hurt you. I knew it would, so I tried to put it off for as long as possible, telling myself it was a decision I made for your sake, but it was for mine. I lied to you because I knew my life would be worse for not having you in it, and I wasn’t brave enough to face that reality.”

Kara’s voice wobbles, and her eyes glimmer with tears. Lena stares, watching the moisture tremble on her eyelashes, never quite falling. She sees the purse of Kara’s lips, the tightening of her jaw, and staunchly ignores the lump that rises in her own throat.

“And the worst part is that I don’t know how to make it right,” Kara continues, fainter now. “I broke something precious and I can’t fix it! I want to-- I’d do anything to make it better, but I can’t if you won’t let me, and… and that means that I have to accept that you may never let me even try. And that-- it breaks my heart.”

The words bring Lena back to herself, and she finally breaks her gaze away. Her arms squeeze so tightly folded against her chest that they ache, and her fingers press creases into the sleeves of her blouse. 

“It breaks my heart because it seems like you want me to.”

There are a lot of things Lena can say about Kara Danvers. A lack of insight isn’t one of them. Because even as anger and hurt simmer in the pit of her stomach, need fills her chest, seeping into her heart and sinking its claws in so deeply that it’s all Lena can do to keep from reaching for a hug right now.

To further discourage the impulse, Lena turns away from both Kara and the damn door, and slides down to sit against the adjacent wall. After a moment, Kara thwarts her effort to gain distance by coming to sit beside her.

“So… the door?”

Lena sighs. “It’s a bust.”

“What now?”

“We take a break.”

Kara nods, letting her head rest on the wall. Lena echoes the lean, staring unfocused at the far join between wall and ceiling. 

“And then what do we do?” Kara asks softly.

Lena sighs, and rolls her head to look at Kara.

“Then… we try something else.”

[eeveedel]

Submission for my anon for the insecure chubby Louis fic! (Feat a note from them)

Okay okay, here u go!! There’s a wee trigger warning here for insecurity, a little diet talk and emotionally abusive relationship- SO LOOK AFTER YOURSELVES. Please don’t read if you think this could upset you xx

--

It was still dark outside, Louis could tell by the lack of sunshine gleaming through his curtains. Winter wasn’t his best time, his mood would often reflect the weather. At the moment that was bleak and glum. Sometimes a little frosty and blue. On his good days, there would be a little joy and red rosy cheeks, hands being warmed by a steaming cuppa. Today definitely wasn’t the latter. Managing to heave his heavy bones out of bed and pull on his comfiest dressing gown, he padded down the stairs barefoot too lazy to find his slippers. He’s met with Zayn, standing in the kitchen already dressed and looking fresh.

Zayn looked up from where he was standing, expression softening as he looked at the smaller man. “Hey, morning Lou.”

“Morning Zee. work?” Louis wrapped his arms around Zayn’s waist, taking in his scent of stale cigarettes. Familiar, smelling like home.

Sighing, Zayn gave a nod, pouring boiling water into Louis’ favourite mug for him.

“Yup. Got a couple of new starts today. To tell you the truth Lou, not a single part of me can't be arsed.”

Louis scoffed at that, softly shaking his head. “Och shut your trap, maybe you’ll meet someone who tickles your fancy” He teased, taking the mug Zayn made him.

A look of warning was shot in louis’ direction.

“Right Lou, that’s me off, behave yourself, I’ll be home to make dinner at 6. Make sure you eat, but please don’t burn down my kitchen. Yeah?”

“Yes Mama, I will take good care of myself, don’t you worry.” Sticking out his tongue playfully.

“Sure, see you later babe.” Bending down to kiss Louis’ temple and ruffle his already messy bed head, before heading to the door..

Sighing, Louis wonders what he’s going to do with his day.

Two weeks prior, he had been living about a half hours drive away. He had shared a small flat above a bakery with his then at the time, long term boyfriend. He and Nathan had been together for six long, lonely years. Yes lonely.

He and Nathan had met in their University’s Halls, they stayed right across from each other, Nathan studying Business Management, and himself, fashion and photography. Now, Louis could tell you some long romantic stories of how their relationship was love at first sight, how they got lost in each other's eyes from the start and spent sundays lazing in bed snuggling each other. But that would be a flatout lie. Louis had only ever dated girls before, meaning Nathan was his first and so far his only. It had started out relatively sweet, more of a best friends kind of bond than anything else. Louis had then started to question his sexuality. It was the little things, like Nathan holding the dip of his waist in clubs and bars, almost possessive, cuddling on the couch watching movies. Before Louis knew it, they were having passionate sex and being that sickly sweet couple everyone loved but rolled their eyes at.

6 months down the line, changes were happening. Ones that Louis didn't particularly like. Comments about his appearance and personality that would hit him deep in the chest. But no matter how hurt he was, how far out the window his self esteem had gone, Louis loved Nathan and he was convinced Nathan loved him too.

Five and half years later, Louis was sitting alone, sleeping in his best friend’s flat, utterly devastated, heartbroken and more or less, feeling like shit.

Deciding to go out and take some photos to cheer himself up, Zayn’s voice came into his head reminding him to eat breakfast. He munched on some cheerios and checked his phone, scrolling aimlessly down his Instagram feed. And there it was, he knew it was coming but actually seeing it was an entirely different story. Nathan had his arm around a tall, slim man. Gorgeously tanned, biceps bulging and perfectly straight white teeth gleaming at Louis, taunting him. The photo was captioned with something sickly sweet that only made Louis nausea worsen. It had been less than a month and Nathan had already found someone else. Someone who had everything Louis didn't. Long, lean legs, slim, toned build, dazzling straight teeth. No wrinkles, no pudginess, no freckles - just clear glowy skin and abs.

If Louis could feel worse about himself he would, but fortunately he was already at Rock bottom.

****

“Fuck sake Harry, move your arse.”

“Excuse me Liam, I am taking my time, the icing needs to be perfect”

“Och shut your trap Harold, you're too clumsy to obtain cupcake perfection.” Shaking his head, Liam went to serve their next customer, ignoring Harry’s scoff.

“Oh hi Nathan. Not seen you in a while. How's our Lou then? It’s usually him to do the morning tea run.”

Harry’s ears perked at the mention of Louis. Actually, thinking about it, he hadn't seen Louis in a while. At least a few weeks had gone by which was bizarre. He continued icing but concentrated at eavesdropping on whatever Nathan had to say.

“Oh. Right well, actually me and Louis broke up. He uh, he left me about a month ago. Only just managed to get myself out of bed to tell you the truth. Suppose it’s just the way life goes..” there was a silence for a few seconds where nathan picked up his coffee from the counter. “Nice to see ya Liam, catch you later.” And with that, he wafted out the door and presumably back up to his flat.

“Did you hear that Haz? That’s Nathan saying he and Louis broke up, or rather, Louis left him? Bit out of the blue don't you think? Louis always seemed too sweet to hurt anyone...Quiet wee thing he was” Liam had his brows furrowed clearly in deep thought.

“Yeah I heard, I don’t know Li, there was always something odd about those two. Louis always seemed too timid for his own good, maybe it’s for the best.”

Liam didn’t say anything, just nodding his head in response, processing Harry’s words.

****

Louis felt no better. Infact, he felt worse. He had managed to drag himself out from his hiding nest to go for a pee and make a cup of tea, but that’s as far as his body would take him. Hearing the front door slam he knew he was about to deal with the wrath of his best friend for wallowing in his sadness all day, failing to take care of himself.

“Bebz? Don't tell me you’re still in bed-” He curled his blanket around him at seeing the disappointment in Zayn’s face.

“Lou baby, you were doing so well...What's wrong?” Climbing into bed beside his best friend, he pulled Louis into his chest, taking in the wracks of his sobs, thumbing his soft bicep in attempts of comfort.

“Come on, talk to me boo? What’s happened?” Louis couldn't speak, he was embarrassed and hurting, Zayn would figure it out later anyway when he would see Nathan's post on instagram. Understanding Louis wasn’t going to open up, he held the smaller man even tighter to his chest whilst running his fingers through his feathery brown hair (That was still not brushed) “Oh baby, he got you good didn't he..”

After some time, he felt Louis sniffles lessen his breathing evening out letting small puffs of air from his slightly rounded cheeks. His best friend had always been a little chubby, especially since he had been living above a bakery, but he had lost some weight after his breakup with Nathan. He wasn’t sure if it was insecurity or heartbreak that had made Louis' appetite disappear, probably a mixture of both. Regardless, it was upsetting to see Louis’ spark fizzle out, to see him physically shrink and push his meals away.

Zayn and Louis had had constant arguments involving getting Louis to see a therapist. Louis didn’t let his walls down easy, not even with Zayn, he refused all suggestions of talking to a professional claiming “There is no need, there’s nothing wrong with me.”

Zayn was resilient though, and there was no way he would give up on his best friend. He didn't know what Louis' relationship with Nathan had been like, he had barely seen him during the last 5 years, he had noticed how quiet and reserved he had become, at first he put that down to Louis growing up, but now he wasn’t so sure. “Come on bebz, get that arse of yours in the shower, I’m going to make us some dinner.”

Louis managed to shift himself out of bed, going to his ensuite and stripping down. Now, Louis wasn’t totally ashamed of his looks. But he also knew fine well he was nothing to be envied or admired. He had grown up with a few extra pounds (Okay, maybe a little more than a few) But he never minded it, he was always told by his friends how magnificent his curves were. Just like anyone, he had his little insecurities, his belly being one of them. After he had moved above the bakery, his weight had begun to creep up leaving him around a stone overweight. At first, Nathan had sweetly teased him about the crease under his chin, how he could packaway more food than ever before. He would softly tease Louis about how his killer curves put anyone to shame. But the sweetness that would make Louis feel all bubbly and a little embarrassed, turned into outright bullying and body shaming. Nathan began going out more and more, he would come home at 3am most nights, words were thrown around like confetti, ones that made Louis shrink inside himself and wear the baggiest jumpers he could find. He turned to food for comfort, which led to more shameful bashing from his boyfriend.

For the first time in a month, he studied himself in the mirror. Dark bags dragging down under his dull eyes, ginger facial hair looking unruly and anything but taken care off. His cheeks were not as full and pink, his double chin wasn't permanent anymore and only appeared when he looked down. His tummy still pooched forward, but it didn't hang down as much as it once did, hips still wide and thighs still thick, just a little slimmer than they had been. He was probably still considered chubby. It was weird that he missed his old body, surely he should be reveling in the idea that he now needed belts, but he wasn't. Because this wasn't him. He didn't recognise himself anymore. Nothing felt okay.

Tears pooled in his eyes, threatening to slip over. Louis wasn't going to let them though and forced himself into the shower, at least then he didn't know if the water that was streaming down his face was tears or from the shower. He liked it better that way. Dressing himself in his comfiest clothes and having to pull the drawstring tight to save them from slipping down he made his way to the kitchen where Zayn was pulling pizza and chips from the oven.

“Here bebz, eat up. I want that plate clean.” He placed a full pizza and a big bowl of McCains oven fries in front of Louis, kissing his temple before settling himself down.

Shaking his head he scoffed at zayn before telling him he was such a feeder. “I just want to see you happy boo, you’ll get your spark back if it's the last thing I do.”

They ate in silence, Louis knew Zayn was aware he wasn't ready to talk about why he felt so upset today. And that was okay.

*

“Boobear! How are you? I haven't spoken to you in too long my darling. You’re not at your flat are you…? That doesn't look like your place”

Louis shifted in his seat uncomfortably, he supposed it was about time he told his Mum about his breakup. Of Course he didn’t want to, he knew the fuss Jay would make and honestly Louis could look after himself and he didn't need to be babied. “Yeah um Mum, I actually have some news. It's about Nathan and I - we um, well we broke up. I can't afford a one bedroom just yet, looking for a job but ehm, yeah I'm staying with Zayn right now so…”

“Oh honey, you need to tell me these things, you know we all would have been there for you...what happened?”

“Mum I dont think I'm ready to go into that just yet, can we talk about this later? How’s the girls, and Mark? Are you all coping okay-”

Mark came into the video call, taking a seat beside his wife, he raised his eyebrows at seeing Louis’ face. He knew Mark was about to comment on his lack of double chin.

“Oh Louis my boy! You've finally lost some of that extra weight? I'm proud of you, Look at him Jay, doesn't he look so good!”

*

“Harry shut up, we don't need to make a website, we get enough business without social media.”

“Nah Liam, we’re making one, I don't care what you say. I'm going to put out an ad for a photographer to take photos then we can upload them to our Facebook to get people to share it. Help spread the word. Don't be such a grandad, google isn't as scary as you might think.” Scoffing, Liam rolled his eyes muttering something under his breath that quite frankly, Harry didn't give a shit about.

Looking at his watch and deciding to close up for the night he heard a small cough. From his place behind the counter he saw a mess of light brown hair, blue eyes and a soft round face. Louis.

“Louis! You haven’t been here in weeks, Liam! The wee guy has come to pay a visit!” At that, Louis crossed his arms over his chest giving Harry a glare before speaking up. “Fuck off Harold, I came to ask a favour but if youre going to be like-”

“Oh Lou you knew I was joking! C’ere.” Wrapping the shorter man into his chest he realised Louis didn't look so good. Tired eyes, beard, he looked slimmer too which made Harry a little sad. As he pulled Louis closer into him, still feeling the man's overly soft belly press against his own abs, he was happy Louis still had a little of his pudginess left. “Hey, are you okay? You’re not looking so good…”

Rolling his eyes, Louis felt a little tingle in his tummy as he realised how much he missed his banter with Harry “Yes yes Harold, I got dumped a month ago, yes I look like shit and havent shaved since, yes I’ve lost weight and I dunno why that makes everyone sad, atleast I’m not as fat as I used-”

“Stop right there you brat, don’t even finish that sentence” They pulled away from each other as Liam came in.

Harry realised Louis had said that he'd been dumped, which did not match up with what Nathan had said, he didn’t know why he actually cared so he decided he didn't and focussed on packing everything up whilst Liam and Louis caught up with each other.

“So what can we do for you then babe? Heard you said you needed a favour?”

Louis dumped himself in one of the booths by the counter, leaning back into the soft padded headrest, letting out a suffereable sigh. “Right yes well, dunno if I ever told you lot, I have a best friend Zayn who lives a little over a half hours drive away and um, after the y'know...breakup I moved in with him.” Louis kept his gaze on his hands in his lap, not really wanting to deal with Liam and Harry’s looks of sympathy he knew they were wearing. “So anyway, it’s his birthday next week and I was wondering if you guys could bake him a cake? And like maybe some cupcakes or something…”

Harry and Liam slid in next to Louis, Harry dumping a cup of tea in front of him, and Liam a box of leftovers that weren’t going to be eaten.

“I think you’ve mentioned him before yeah, we can do that cant we Harry?”

Harry was looking at the icing that Louis had managed to smear over his face from a donut he had absentmindedly shoved in his mouth. He broke his gaze and regathered himself. “Yeah, yeah of course we can do that Louis. Send us a list of allergies or like, just anything that you’re wanting made”

Harry smiled at the way Louis dimpled hands looked so little wrapped around the cup of tea he was taking delicate sips from, dribbling a bit down his chin. Louis lifted up his sweater paw’d fist, wiping it across his mouth. Nodding his head he spoke “Yeah, yeah thats great mate. Cheers for that, so what are you guys thinking about prices?”

Liam was about to protest any form of payment before Harry interrupted him “Actually Louis, you studied photography right?” Nodding his head and placing his cup of tea down on the table he spoke “Yeah, I graduated with a 1:1. Not to blow my own trumpet or summat but i'm actually not too shabby.”

“Perfect well, could you take some photos for us? I really want to set up a social media account, but neither Liam or I are too good at photography. Just like, we could set a date and you could pick up the cakes and then have a little photography shoot?”

Louis stayed quiet for a hot minute. He hadn't come to visit in the last month for fear of running into Nathan, and like, yeah he was on friendly terms with Harry and Liam but they weren't exactly friends. They didn’t even have each other’s numbers. Harry sensed the hesitation Louis was feeling. “Like it’s fine if not, it was just an idea…”

Louis shook his head, “No, no like I would love to. I just um, Im a bit funny being around this area after you know, like Nathan and-”

“Oh sorry, yeah of course, I could come to you? Like, put your number in my phone and we’ll figure out a date?” Harry locked his eyes with Louis’, searching for some kind of answer. Louis was squirming a little, clearly feeling a tad anxious after mentioning Nathan. He nodded though, and put his number into Harry’s phone. Brushing the donut crumbs off his thighs Louis stood up making his way to the door. “Well, thanks for that lads that will be a massive help to me...guess I’ll see you in a few days to take photos?”

“Don't forget your box of leftovers Louis, you’ve lost some weight, eat up.” Liam handed Louis the cardboard box, worry creasing into his forehead and pinched brows.

Louis scoffed at that and rolled his eyes “Why is everyone so obsessed with feeding me” He muttered under his breath walking out the bakery and down to a bus stop, making sure it was far from his old flat.

*

“Louis, what the fuck is your problem? Stop throwing your clothes all over the place, you look fine.” Zayn was sprawled on Louis’ bed, texting someone whilst Louis was frantically teariing apart his wardrobe trying to find something, anything that made him look decent. He didn’t know why he cared. It was only Harry coming round so he could take photos as a thank you for Zayn’s cake. They had decided Liam or Harry would be better dropping of the sweet treats on the day of Zayns actual birthday, which would be in a few days but Louis had insisted it was fine for him to still take those photos.

“Zayn I look like shit, and I don't really want to look like shit funnily enough” He stood in front of the mirror checking himself over. He had on obcenely tight white jeans that did nothing to hide the girth of his thick, wide thighs and left his tummy pooching over the waist band, thick love handles that were happily settled over his sides. These were jeans that he had held onto since uni, hoping he could get them over his arse one day, and he guessed today was that day. He had a soft sweater on that he had hoped would cover that extra flesh spilling out, it did a pretty good job in all fairness, but his tummy was still pressed up against the fabric.

He got carried away pinching and sighing at his figure. He was never happy with it, not when he was heavier, and not now. Zayn placed a hand on his shoulder softly looking at Louis. “You look great bebz. You cant deny those jeans do wonders for your legs and bum.” Louis nodded in agreement because Zayn was right. He did look alright in them. Not hot, but he looked okay he didnt look like utter shit at least.

“Want me to do your hair?” Nodding, Louis sat down on his bed whilst Zayn styled his soft fringe neatly acrosss his forhead. Louis had deceided to shave this morning, it had been a little odd at first seeing all his baby soft skin again, but it felt nice. Helped him feel more neat and put together. He was ignoring the voice in his head that was asking why he cared so much about his appearance all of a sudden. Like, it was literally just Harry. Just the tall hipster baker he had seen every morning and not thought twice about.

Why did he even care all of a sudden? Right. No. He didnt care. Didnt give a shit. All he was doing, was trying to pick himself up again and take care of looks.

With one last look in the mirror, almost satisfied he plops down on the couch waiting on Harry.

“So, why exactly are you so uptight? Like, I know you’re excited to have gotten a job but…” Louis squirmed a little and felt his cheeks flushing. He went over Zayns words in his head, he didn’t know why he was so hot and bothered, wanting to make a good impression on Harry. It was afterall, only Harry. The younger boy who worked in his favourite bakery who he had seen everyday for years. When Louis was with Nathan, he never looked twice at the boy. But the otherday when he was at the bakery he realised he had never noticed Harrys long lean figure, broad back, rounded biceps. He flushed a little thinking about it. But it’s not like anything was going to happen. Not when Louis still found himself wriggling in beside Zayn at night, waking up with puffy red eyes, swollen and sore from crying. Not when Harry was miles and miles out of his league. It was a teeny tiny crush. That’s all it was.

“I am not being uptight Zayn. I just want this to go well, like, it’s my first job y’know.” Zayn snorted and shook his head. “Here, Lou, you’ve managed to get chocolate on your face.” He swiped over the corner of Louis’ mouth rubbing away at the little piece of chocolate.

*

“Alright Curly? Come in, come in” Louis ushered Harry inside the flat, giving him a once over. Obscenely long legs made to look even longer in orange corduroy trousers, flowery blouse left unbuttoned to mid chest, not leaving much to Louis imagination. Realising he was being caught looking, Louis broke his gaze and looked up at Harry.

“So, Harry this is my mate Zayn, Zayn this is the bloke who works at that bakery, the one that has evidently ruined my waistline”

Zayn and Harry gave a soft chuckle at Louis depreciation, knowing it was his own way of hiding his insecurities.

“So, I’ve bought all the cakes, you got your photo gear?” Harry began unboxing the sugary treats, motioning towards them.

“Yeah yeah mate, I’ve got it all. You just tell me what kind of shots you’re looking for and I’m your man”

Louis blushed furiously after realising what he said. “Your man” I wish. Louis thought to himself. He does not have a crush on the man, not when he’s still hurting and knows fine well he is not the kind of guy Harry would go for. But still, he could appreciate an attractive man couldn’t he?

*

“Right mate, thats the last of the photos”

“Amazing, thank you so much Lou. Can’t wait to prove Liam wrong. These will do wonders for our sales”

Harry nudged his shoulder against Louis’ and gave him a dazzling smile before returning to flick through the photos.

“Hey mate, want to stay for dinner? I’ve just made Lou and I some pasta, there’s plenty for one more?”

“Zayn I’ve told you, I’m on a diet. I can’t eat pasta” Louis mumbled, cheeks burning red from

Embarrassment.

Zayn mouthed something at Harry that Louis couldn’t quite make out. Probably something about ignoring him because he’ll eat it anyway.

“That would be grand actually, I don’t have dinner planned so...” Louis caught Harry giving him a quick look, eyes looking a little sad and sympathetic. He squirmed under Harrys gaze, feeling self conscious, tugging down on his jumper. He felt like a bug under a microscope in that moment, wanting to hide away under baggy clothes and shrink into himself.

mumbling something about going to take a shower first Louis stood and let himself out the room. His feelings were all over the place at the moment. One day his heart would feel so broken and weary he could swear he would feel his heart strings tug and tear inside him. His insecurities and shame would bubble over and he wanted nothing more than to curl under his duvet for hours.. Other days, he had this new found confidence when he would wear whatever the hell he wanted, be loud, flamboyant, eat what made his cheeks flush with pleasure. And somedays he would go inbetween both. Today was one of those days.

It took a lot of effort to squeeze out of those jeans before climbing into to the shower. Why he ever thought he could look good in them was beyond him. He had to push his belly up to even get to the button, and he didn’t even want to think about the strength it took to pull both sides of the jeans together and get the button undone.

*

Louis came back into the kitchen in loose sweats and the baggiest jumper he could find. Silently, he slid into his chair at the table and was met with a bowl of creamy pasta. He opened his mouth to protest about the dish, but Zayn got there first shooting him a glare of warning.

“Eat.” He said simply, and Louis abided to this, pushing the pasta round with his folk, only bringing it to his mouth every few minutes.

Zayn and Harry made friendly conversation that Louis only half listened to, not contributing to the conversation unless he was directly asked a question.

“Bebz, come on. Eat up, this isn’t healthy” Zayn scooped pasta onto Louis fork and held it up to his mouth, coaxing him to take a bite. But Louis just pushed the fork away, trying not to snap. He knew Zayn was trying to help but it was honestly just embarrassing in front of Harry.

“Leave it Z. I’ll eat later. Listen, Harry mate, thanks for coming over, let me know what time you’ll bring those cakes by tomorrow. I’m going to head to bed.” Before anyone could answer him Louis scurried off to let his tears fall.

[yeojaa]

SUGAR HIGH, chapter xv. (w. JJK)

You're not entirely sure when it happened, though you'd come to terms with it. You'd counted the days, waiting for the inevitable. You'd truly thought you'd be okay, but by the broken, half-beating thing in your chest - you knew you'd never really been prepared.

alt summary.  You thought you’d known real love and maybe you had - it just wasn’t with who you thought.

pairing.  jeon jungkook.  mentions/involvement of ot7.

tags.  angst, break up, post-break up, comfort, OT7, slow burn, friendship, moving on, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, emotional baggage, fluff, canon compliant, jeon jungkook is bad at feelings, jeon jungkook is a good friend, jeon jungkook is a sweetheart.

rating.  general (for now?)

word count.  1900

chapter 15.  Bandaids

Instead, he regards you with the most unfathomable expression he’s ever given.  “So what?”

“What’re you sorry for?”  He sounds so confused, every word dredged in the word.  His brow furrows, following the question that tips off his teeth and crashes against you.  His fingers flex in his lap, furl and unfurl in unconscious motions that immediately catch your attention.

You watch the way the ink moves over his skin, stretched taut over his knuckles and disappearing into the sleeve of his shirt.  You think to reach out and bottle the nervous energy, tuck it among your hidden words of affection and cobweb-lined shelves.  Instead, you shrink further into the side of the couch, gaze bouncing around the room.  It finds his face – briefly, with guilt – and then darts to the painting of his hung on the far wall.  Off it goes to his hands again, the silver that glints around his wrist, and then the hangnail adorning your own thumb.

The silence has stretched on, immeasurably long, but he doesn’t push you – as much as he wants to.

Not for your sake, but for his.  He’s walking on eggshells, terrified one false move might send a glass into his vein.  Shards of the home that’s been crumbling right before your eyes, reduced to ghost of its former glory.

“I’m sorry,”  you repeat as if it’s the only thing you can say – the only words you know how to speak.  Perhaps it is, because there doesn’t feel like there are any that can properly convey your emotion.

You owe it to him to try, though.  That much is clear.

“You haven’t done anything wrong.”  Unless being too good, too kind, too perfect, was a crime.  You knew it wasn’t and yet, with each offer of patience – of unconditional love – it felt like a cleave to the heart.  It wasn’t his fault you were bleeding out before him.

The reassurance only serves to confuse him more, the emotion heavy in the pretty dark brown of his irises.  You both love and hate when he’s like this – not your precious best friend but a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.  It doesn’t fit his boyish charm, the sunlight that spills out of every pore.  It’s too much.

“Then what’s going on?”  You’re both surprised by the hard edge and how it forces itself into the equation before he can even consider it.

Your eyes meet for the first time since you’ve sat down and you regret it immediately.

Because your dear sweet Jungkook has oceans in his eyes, moisture threatening to spill over like a crashing wave.  They’re so glassy you feel lost, trapped in the galaxy and the stars and unknown. 

How could you keep doing this?  Time after time, he’d sought you out and each time, you were nothing but a godforsaken mirage, promising him everything and stripping him bare.  When he needed you most, parched and on his last legs, you’d compelled and beguiled him only to leave him just as quickly.

When had you turned into this person?

The sound that escapes your chest isn’t human.  It’s hardly even a sound.  A breath that hasn’t quite formed and cracks itself in two, lodging one half in your lungs and the other over the threshold of your teeth.  How fitting – like a heart split in half.

You see the way he instinctively leans toward you, caught in your gravitational pull, but holds himself back at the last minute.  The movement almost reads like a flinch, as if he’s afraid he’ll hurt himself by getting too close.

That’s right, you think.  I’ll only hurt you.

Another sob comes, tearless and miserable.  You wish the burning behind your eyes would abate but they won’t come that easily.  The settle like poison and wine, corroding your insides.  They sink into every part of you, climbing each vertebrae and slotting into every crevice.  No part is left untouched by the miasma.

Except for the Jungkook-shaped hole in your chest, centered in the throbbing muscle of your heart.

His silhouette remains lily white and lovely – a silver lining.  A beacon in your darkest times, a lighthouse in the storm.  It calls to you and reminds you of better days, of unconditional love and soulmates.

“I love you.”  It’s meant to be an apology but to his ears, it’s the same three words you’ve repeated your whole life.  He doesn’t understand why you’re saying them now, on the precipice of coming apart at the seams, torn open by something you won’t share.

Regardless, he says it back.  Needs to.  “I love you, too.”   

“No!” 

Your rebuff explodes out of you, followed by another cry that lands like a bull’s eye between his ribs.  He thinks he might finally crack, feels the carefully constructed resolve splintering.  Was it so terrible to be loved by him?  He shrinks back, suddenly far smaller than he’s ever seemed.  He’s almost to his feet, blinded by the wetness gathered there.  He can’t be here right now.  He’d been an idiot to try.    

It’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.  Yours, and his, in tandem.

“I’m sorry.”  You’re across the couch in a single motion, fingers seeking his wildly.  “Please.  Don’t go.”  It’s the first time you’ve ever had to ask this of him, and it feels foreign coming from you.  That, and it’s barely coherent, spoken around tears that have suddenly made themselves very apparent.

You don’t miss the look he gives you, a mixture of exasperation and heartache.  You’ve never seen that specific combination and it cuts like a knife, severing your seeking hands with one fell swoop.

“Why, Soom?”  He’s begging for a reason to stay.  (A part of him thinks he shouldn’t, but he’s never been able to think straight when it comes to you.)

“Because I love you,”  you repeat, like that’s an answer.  He doesn’t say it back this time – too afraid of whatever explosion will shatter the remains of his ribcage and eviscerate his heart. 

Instead, he regards you with the most unfathomable expression he’s ever given.  “So what?”

Whatever you’d expected, it wasn’t that.  It’s a smack to the face, a backhand so severe you’re winded by the blow, staggering back on your haunches as you look up at him.  So what?  What did he mean, so what?  Even through your tears, you can see the flat line of his mouth, his teeth sucking his bottom lip into submission.  The beauty mark smack dab in the centre winks at you.

He’s tired of the dance you’re doing, exhausted by the choreography he hasn’t been taught and is expected to somehow know.  He’s done his very best, poured every ounce of himself into it.

“I’m always here.  I always come running.”  Gone is the golden maknae, replaced by the same, uncertain boy you’d met all those years ago.  “Even when I don’t know if you want me, I come.  I would do anything for you.”  The words are a searing brand straight into chest.  “But you can’t even talk to me.”  There’s something hidden amongst the sadness – resentment, maybe?  You’ve never heard it from him, so it rings unfamiliar and strange.  “I’m trying so fucking hard!”

The way he snaps, words ricocheting off one another, has you alarmed. 

All this time – you’d thought you would hurt him.  So you’d held yourself back for fear of doing so and yet, you’d already done it, torn him to shreds without even thinking.

The knowledge has you babbling, tripping over yourself.  If you’d already hurt him, what did it matter now?  The damage was done.  One more nail in the coffin wouldn’t make a difference.

“I love you!”  How many times you can say it, you’re honestly not sure.  Each time, it’s more agitated, more broken – only held together by the red string that’s connected you all your lives.  It’s barely hanging on though, frayed at the edges and in terrible disrepair.  “I’m so in love with you I don’t know what to do with myself!”  You don’t mean to shout but it comes nonetheless, clawing its way out of the cavity of bones and careening off your lips in a wet sob.  “I feel like I’m going crazy.  I’m so afraid of losing you and everything we have.” 

You’re like a meteor tearing through the upper atmosphere, hurtling toward your doom.  You can’t stop, speaking a mile a minute.  You’re not even looking at him, blinded so by the saltwater in your eyes.  “Being around you is so hard.  It’s impossible to act normal around you after—”  

The silence is deafening as you slam to a stop, beet red and embarrassed.

“After what?”  You hadn’t noticed he’d fallen back into his seat, his face mere inches from yours.

“What?”  You squeak out a hiccup and scramble back, though go nowhere.  A steady weight holds you in place, strong fingers curled around the dainty turn of your wrist while the other forms itself to the slope of your neck.

“After what,”  Jungkook repeats.  He’s so close you can count each individual lash, the way they shimmer with fallen tears.  Gone is the resentment, the anger, replaced by what closely resembles awe.  You don’t have time to consider the meaning behind that when he asks again, harder this time.

You answer without thought, compelled by the heat of his breath and the way his eyes twinkle.  “After I dreamt about you.”  Hesitation because you hadn’t expected the relief that washes over his every inch, releasing the tension in his jaw.  “About us.”

His mouth is on yours in an instant, swallowing the last word whole. 

It’s better than any dream.  Because he is real and he is home and every pass of his soft, dry lips is like sinking further into bliss.  It holds you up in the form of his hands and slots itself in the broken places you’d never fixed. 

You get lost in the sensation and the way he sparks electricity everywhere he touches.  You’ve finally got an outlet for the current that surges through your veins, standing the hairs on the back of your neck and thundering in your ears.  It’s far from perfect – too much clumsily knocking teeth – but the passion is there, years of love swept into the drag of his tongue and the sweet ache of his bite.   

“I love you so fucking much,”  he pants when he’s forced away, cursing the necessity of air and breathing and anything that isn’t you.  “I’ve wanted this since— forever.”

It’s music to your ears, sweeter than any song you’ve ever heard because it’s his voice.

“I love you, too.”  This time, it sounds different.  More.

But more doesn’t seem like enough to him, because he’s pressing sloppy, open-mouthed kisses across every inch of skin.  The corner of your lips, the line of your jaw, the column of your neck that he’s wanted to devour a million times before.  He dresses you in sweet nothings and affection, sucking his devotion into the sensitive point beneath your ear.  He likes the way red blooms beneath your skin – a reminder of his love – so he does it again and again, creating the prettiest mosaic.

It’s all for him, at first.  He’s waited his whole life for this and he takes his time.

When he hears your voice, the soft breathy calls of his name, he realizes he wants to give you more.  Needs it like he needs you.

notes.  here it is, people!  after fifteen excruciating chapters, the cat's out of the bag.  who knows if that's a good thing, tho.  kidding!