#but i can’t actually bring myself to get out of bed because i’m too tired

[foldingfittedsheets]

You wouldn’t blame a crowbar for an act of destruction, you would blame the wielder. For this reason I can’t be held responsible for what happened to my friend Charlie’s bed. I was merely a tool that force was applied through.

It happened like this: Brendan, Charlie, and I decided to have a late night movie viewing at Charlie’s house. We watched The Hogfather and Groundhogs day and we stayed up until 4am. Then we were all too tired to drive home and crashed. I got the bed and the boys took the floor.

Four hours later, Charlie’s parents woke up. They learned that Charlie had people over. They. Were. Furious. Because unbeknownst to us it turned out they had swine flu. Charlie should had been quarantining not bringing people to his plague house. They ordered Charlie to kick us out that very moment.

Charlie came to rouse us. I am… not at my best in the morning hours. Four hours of sleep did not leave my disposition gruntled. Charlie began trying to rouse me to pretty much no avail. He pulled the covers off, shook me, tried to take my pillow, but I was a tiny ball of sleepy vicious rage. When he shook me I’m pretty sure I bit him.

I should be clear, I wasn’t really awake. A baseline function was taking place but no real actual thought. I was piloting on pure instinct and the instinct was: need more sleep. Charlie tried everything while Brendan watched in bemusement.

Finally Charlie got the idea that if he physically lifted me out of bed I’d go. He managed to get his hands under my arms and start dragging me off the bed.

Two things happened very quickly. My toes wrapped around the top of the railing to his bed frame, and I went limp everywhere else. Charlie staggered and almost dropped me, because holding a floppy corpse body is much harder than a tensed one, a fact I had learned from many roughhousing attacks by my brother.

He swore and then gamely started trying to drag me backward, thinking it would be easy to dislodge my toes from the bed frame. It was not. I’ve mentioned before that my toes are strong, but Charlie was flabbergasted that their grip on the bed was so strong that he couldn’t drag me away.

I was going on pure stubborn instinct. I did not want to leave the bed. Charlie was fully committed that a 90lb gremlin wasn’t going to beat him in a contest of strength with only her toes. So he pulled. And I held on.

Both of us were shocked when there was a tortured shriek of wood and something in the bed frame cracked. It was loud enough that I actually woke up. The rest of my brain surfaced in confusion to join the lizard brain whose only goal had been not to leave the bed.

I released my toes and took my own weight and Charlie and I stared at the bed.

“You ripped the railing off!”

“Well, no, you ripped the railing off, I was just the tool. If you hadn’t been pulling on me-“

“If you had just let go! What is up with your feet?!”

We griped as I readied myself to leave his plague house, joining his parents in being mad that Charlie hadn’t told us they were sick. I drove home to sleep more.

Over the years of our friendship Charlie still maintained that I broke the bed. I disagreed and think I was only the tool by which he broke the bed. Only you can decide who bears the most sin, the dragger or the dragee.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hi hi! Can I request an angsty/fluff piece with Jason? Maybe he hasn't told her that he's Red Hood yet, and they want to tell him that she loves him for the first time, but with his constant disappearances at night they're thinking that he's starting to get tired of them?

This went a little too long when I decided to stop, so I might need to split this into two parts if needs be 🦦

‘Hey honey,’ you greeted Jason with a peck to the cheek, pulling away smiling brightly. ‘Are you all ready for movie night tonight? I’ve already got a couple films set up and ready to go and I promise none of them will make you cry like last time.’

Jason grimaced. Shit, he knew that something was happening tonight but couldn’t remember what and -like a dumbass- had agreed to going out on a patrol with Dick and Damian later on. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry chipmunk I can’t do movie night tonight. Can we do it next week?’ Jason hated how he was the one who made the smile upon your face disappear as quickly as it came, he hated how he was the reason why the excitement left your eyes, only to be replaced by a look of poorly concealed disappointment.

Jason hated how it seemed as of late that his commitment to being a vigilante had been the leading cause of your unhappiness. While he was out clearing Gotham almost every night, you were left in your shared apartment, left to sleep alone in a bed that was designed for two people and ponder how things could’ve gotten to this stage; wondering whether this was a relationship worth being in after all.

You sighed, trying to be understanding but how could you when this was the third time Jason had bailed on you this week. It didn’t seem fair to keep trying at this point when it seems as though you’re the only one who is actively trying to make time for each other. You had planned to tell Jason you loved him tonight but all that was thrown into the bin, all because he apparently forgot all about it. ‘It’s fine Jason, I’m sure whatever you have going on is inherently more important.’ You said, feeling more hurt than anything as you clenched your jaw to stop yourself from saying something you’ll inevitably regret.

‘I’ll make it up to you-‘

‘Would you like to know how many times you claimed that you’ll make it up to me but never have?’ You asked Jason rhetorically and watched his face further become into one of guilt. ‘Three. Times.’ You told him, holding up three fingers. ‘Once is excusable, but three times Jason. I thought you were over making false promises, much like how I’d trick myself into thinking that you would actually like to spend time with me in our own apartment, but it seems like I was wrong as per usual.’ You scoffed.

Jason tried to reach out for your hand to console you, but you immediately took it away before he could and put a good deal of distance between the two of you to show that you were in need of comfort but not from him. ‘Y/n, I’m sorry-‘

‘Don’t bother. Just make sure to have your keys on you before you leave because I wont stay up for you anymore.’ Was all you said before leaving the room to go into your room, where you’d stay until he left for the night doing god knows what. His disappearing act didn’t bother you at first but when it become more frequent and grew more obstructive when you wanted to spend the night with him, a pit in your stomach grew and it had been growing ever since followed by thoughts that doubted Jason’s loyalty to you.

Were you boring him but he didn’t have the heart to tell you? Is that why he’s been disappearing almost every night or so? Just so he could meet up with someone else behind your back and shit talk you? If that was the case then he could stay out for all you cared, you’ve given him your heart but it didn’t seem as though he couldn’t bring himself to even fake in giving a shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile Jason felt like the biggest dickhead ever. He could tell that you were reaching the end of your rope with him and he wasn’t so sure that he could go back to living by himself if you were to ever leave him, he could try but it wouldn’t be the same when you were the reason his apartment felt like an apartment at all. And yet he has no one else to blame for this but himself.

He was the reason you could’ve have a simple date night at home.

He was the reason for your frequent disappointment.

He was the reason you no longer felt loved by him but that just wasn’t true. Jason loved you so much it physically hurt and scared the poor man of what he was willing to do for you. Jason’s love for you burned him in the most delicious way imaginable, he was left wanting for more, hooked on your love as though it was an easily addictive drug sweeping the streets of Gotham. However even Jason couldn’t ignore the wedge between him and you, a wedge that only seemed to get worse the more Jason bailed on you for his vigilante business.

As he was sulking in the fact that this might be the end of your relationship, Jason got a text from Dick asking where he was and all Jason could think of whilst grabbing his keys and leaving the apartment, was how he was going to make up for every night that you felt as though you were abandoned by him; and if anyone who knew Jason best knew he was anything but a quitter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Movie night was depressing as shit when you were having it all by yourself as a way to cope with the fact that you might not be enough to keep Jason interested.

You were bundled up in bed, hugging your childhood plushie tightly against your chest as you watched a movie adaptation to one of Jason’s most favoured book out of Jane Austen‘s body of work. Hell most of the movies you’ve picked out were based on Jason’s favourite author but you weren’t enjoying it as you would if he was beside you, muttering the lines alongside the characters under his breath as he held you against his chest as though you were something precious; even going so far at to using the excuse that when a kissing scene happens you should be kissing too for a more immersive experience.

He was such a dork but he was your dork and now it feels as though he didn’t want to be called yours anymore.

You didn’t know what it was that you did for him to get bored of you but it hurt like a motherfucker and the more you thought about it the more your eyes began to well up with unshed tears. ‘What am I doing wrong snuffles?’ You brought your plushie to face you with its beady button eyes. ‘Am I really that much of a bore that he can’t bring himself to just end it? What does he get out of dragging me along? Is this some sick joke to him?’ You asked and you asked but got no response, then again that’s what you get when trying to seek answers from a weighted plushie.

‘Who am I kidding.’ You uttered defeatedly as you put down your plushie, switched off the tv after seeing that there was no point in having it on in the first place, and stared up at the ceiling as you tried to will sleep to hurry up and claim you. ‘Did you know that I was planning on telling him that I loved him?’ You asked aloud for no one in particular, smiling weakly as you wiped your eyes. ‘How stupid was it of me to think that we’d ever last. He’s obviously found someone else who doesn’t bore him as easily as I do…so why should I stay?’ You felt yourself wanting to cry again but you were too tired to give your body what it wants and tried to ignore the lump in your throat by forcing your eyes shut.

*knock, knock, knock*

[xo-kyeong]

Laughter and mild snickering are all you hear from behind the door.

God, this is embarrassing

“COME ON Y/N!” Mina shouts from the living room of your shared dorm, all 5 of them waiting for you to test if your shared dorm had soundproof walls.

“WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SEX NOISES?” You ask in humiliation. Fuck they’re gonna have a field day with this. “Y/n! My arms are getting tired from holding the phone! Get on with it already!” Denki whines.

“WHY DON’T YOU GUYS DO IT, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME?” You cry out as you bang your head dramatically onto the door. Am I really doing this?

“Should I like- moan like how a normal person would moan?” You ask sheepishly. Sero and Bakugou are behind Denki trying their hardest to contain their laughter.

Kirishima, Denki, and Mina on the other hand are ruthless. Absolutely dying of laughter.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO!!” You cry out in protest, but they’re all insisting you do it.

“Y/n, how are we supposed to know if one of us can invite someone over?” Sero insists.

Then again, you’ve been dying to get yourself off for a while now because of your hectic schedule. Maybe knowing if your roomies can hear you pleasuring yourself is useful information after all.

“Okay okay- OH MY GOD I CAN’T” you laugh a bit out of embarrassment and they all laugh with you because this is pretty stupid.

“Sero will go in and test with you! That way you won’t be the only one feeling embarrassed!” Mina suggests, and that idea actually made the situation even worse.

There’s nothing more humiliating than to hear your friend’s moans and him hearing yours!

“WHAT? I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS-“ Sero protests, eyebrows raised and arms up as if he was adamant. But then after a few minutes of teasing from Mina and Denki, he finally caved in and joined you in the room.

“You really don’t have to do this you know?” You tell Sero, I mean, he’s probably uncomfortable-

“I don’t mind, besides, I’ve always liked your voice in bed” you’re full-blown red and flustered.

“We’re roommates Sero! You can’t be saying shit like that” you turn away, hiding your reddened face from his devilishly handsome (and irritating) face.

“Who says we can’t? Why don’t I start first, hmm?” He gives Denki the go signal and starts clapping.

“Sero- omg” you were hysterical, this is just downright stupid.

“Go on, just say ‘oh’ or whatever, better yet, say my name instead” he gives you a wink and you roll your eyes at him, fighting the urge to actually tackle this man and literally make this “fake” scenario into a reality.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this-“ you take a breath and started whimpering as Sero was clapping his hands at a steady pace.

“You’re so tight y/n- fuck” Sero shamelessly moaned, causing everyone outside the room to cackle.

“You’re brave” you whispered.

“But I should be the one making sounds here” you teased. And that riled him up, the way you went from utterly humiliated to bold and daring just did something to him. You effortlessly matched his energy just like that.

“Mhm, oh my god Sero- Oh keep going” you closed your eyes dramatically, trying to make this scenario as realistic as possible.

Sero quickened the pace of his clapping, groaning with you.

“Oh my god Sero, I’m gonna-“ you whimper and moan as you would if you were actually having sex. And Sero isn’t going to lie, he didn’t know if he should be worried because you moan so well that when he DOES have sex with you he might think you’re just faking it for his ego.

Both of you calmed down and stepped out of the room, looking at Mina for their final verdict.

“Well, it’s slightly soundproof- we all just have to make sure that none of you boys go too rough on whoever you bring home. Got it?” Mina says while holding the phone and placing it in front of you and Sero.

You and Sero re-watched the clip, hearing most of Sero’s clapping. Your own moans weren’t that noticeable, other than your “oh’s” and Sero’s groans.

“Well- y/n you sure do know how to act like you’re getting railed- have you ever faked an orgasm before?” Mina curiously asks, and you couldn’t say anything other than a whispered “kind of”

“GIRL- WE WON’T KNOW IF YOU’RE BEING WELL TAKEN CARE OF! WE WOULD BARELY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE” Mina screams, making you turn your head away from her booming voice.

All four boys were equally shocked at your revelation, you’ve faked an orgasm before? their eyes were wide, and jaws dropped.

You sheepishly brush them off though, as if it wasn’t that big of a deal. but to Sero, it clearly is. The others let you off, except for him of course. The rest of them finally went into their own rooms, bidding everyone goodnight, you were about to go to your own room after you refill your water bottle, that is until a pair of hands wrapped around your waist. You knew who it was going to be, his long and slender arms are easily distinguishable. “Sero?” you hum, “why aren’t you going to bed yet, huh?” you close the lid of your water bottle so that you could turn around and face him. “you’ve never faked with me... right?” he looks down at you with pleading eyes, he looks just like a begging puppy.  “oh, Sero. my poor baby, couldn’t get your mind off of that?” you chuckle at him when he holds you closer. “I’m serious y/n! do you actually feel good?” he whines, and that has you laughing lightly at how needy and desperate he sounds. “Sero, I’ve never faked an orgasm with you. in-fact, you’re the one and only guy who ever treated me right” you smile, wrapping your own arms around him to comfort him. Sighing when you savored his warmth and comfort. The fact that none of your other roommates know about your relationship is thrilling, yet sometimes it still manages to boil down to calm and quiet moments like this. “I love you, Sero” you look up at him, your eyes droopy due to the sudden sleepiness.  He reaches down to kiss you on the forehead, “I love you so much, Mi Amor” he rubs your cheek with his thumb before leaning in to kiss you on the lips. It’s nice to have a secret relationship, calm and quaint.  But you’d be surprised to hear that 3 other people are listening in on your conversation, fully containing their excitement at how sweet you and Sero are to each other.

[imaginesmai]

Something new - Azriel

Another kinktober fic! I've seen this trope SO MUCH lately, I couldn't help myself.

Plot: Azriel proposes something new, and even if you have doubts, you're all in.

Warnings: just porn , facesitting, shadowplay.

Azriel is looking at you with a raised brow, a smug smile on his face. He’s silently daring you to bring up another argument, only so he can dismantle it as easily as the rest of them.

It’s hard enough to deny his petition. Not only it’s unusual for him to ask anything, to be comfortable enough around you to talk about sexual fantasies and desires. It is hard because he is completely naked. You can spend hours staring at his sculped chest, muscles hard and wide, covered in tattoos.

And you don’t even want to drag your eyes lower, where his cock is standing tall, demanding your attention.

Usually, you would be more than happy to give it all the attention you have. But Azriel has stopped you moments ago and proposed something different. Something you have never tried, although it has crossed your mind sometimes. Multiple times, actually.

“I will be fine” he assures you for the sixth time that evening. “I promise, darling. I’m a trained warrior, I push my body each day to the limit in the ring with Cassian. If I can take down Illyrian warriors, I can hold your weight”

“Or not” you rebate. “You can’t compare sparing to Cassian to me sitting on your face”

“Certainly not, I’m sure it will be far more pleasant”

Sex with Azriel is never monotonous, he makes sure of it. Even if the shadowsinger is an introvert and quiet on the outside, inside the bedroom he shows you a different part of him. You are used to playing games, some of them involving his shadows, ropes, and even wax.

You have enjoyed each and every of them, and you know you will enjoy what he is proposing even more. But still, you are doubtful about it.

“I could hurt you without meaning to. And what if you can’t breathe? How am I supposed to notice?” you repeat the questions, and he just blinks unamused. “We don’t know if it’s safe. Maybe someone has died and no one has reported it. Death by asphyxiation, under mysterious circumstances. Maybe their partner was shoving their – “

“What better way to die than between your legs?” Azriel cuts you off with a deep, loud chuckle. Tired of the banter, he grabs your hand and pushes you forward. “My shadows will make sure I live to do this again, don’t worry. Now let me have my dessert”

Any other time, you hope, you would have been more hesitant. But you have been both naked for a long time now, lazily making out and grinding against each other in bed. There are purple spots all over your neck and chest, where Azriel has been buried minutes ago. And your nails are printed all over his back and ass.

Before you can act on your newest fantasy, Azriel brings you close. He presses his lips against yours, as he has done already a thousand times that night.

They are swollen and soft, his hand holding the back of your head to keep you close. It brushes gently your hair, easing your worries away. His tongue traces the edge of yours, as if he hasn’t almost shoved it down your throat an hour ago.

Azriel eases the both of you until you are laying on his chest, wings sprawled under him. All it takes is for your sneaky fingers tracing the membrane of his left one for him to break the kiss.

His left hand gives you a playful smack on your ass and pushes you forward.

“Come on, Y/N” he growls, his shadows pushing you forward too.

“Let me know if it becomes too much” you remind him as you get to your knees.

“Sure”

“And if I’m too heavy, please don’t die” you place your hands on the headboard.

“I won’t die, I promise”

“If you feel like you can’t breathe, you touch my – “

“Get here”

You are still hesitant, hovering over his face with your knees at either side of his head. But Azriel, who has quite patient, doesn’t let you finish. He grips the top of your thighs and pulls down, his shadows fixing your hands on the headboard so you can’t pull yourself up.

And damn.

Any coherent thought leaves your head as he licks a long strip through your soaked folds, parting them without any care. You suck a breath when he reaches your opening and doesn’t stop for a second before digging in.

His shadows are the only thing cold on your body as you almost melt against his face, not caring anymore about asphyxiation or crushing him. Azriel is griping you so hard that there will be purple fingerprints on your legs the next day. And if the shadows holding you in place and his mouth devouring you isn’t enough, one of his hands gropes a handful of your ass and pulls you closer to him.

“You’re so sweet” Azriel mumbles from under you, his teeth grazing your clip and taking a deep moan out of you. “Coul be here all day”

“Az”

“My sweet pussy”

He isn’t possessive, at least not when you are public. Behind closed doors, he owns your body and soul. Your grip on the headboard almost flatters when he sucks hard on your clit, taking the small button between his lips, brushing his tongue underneath.

All you can smell is him, his arousal, and all you can hear is him lapping your juices. You don’t have to look back to know there’s a hand wrapped around his cock, a hand that isn’t his entirely. His shadows must have touched a sensitive spot, because his body is bucking up and you almost fall to the side, if it wasn’t for his hands holding you in place.

You try to get one hand free. Maybe to pull at his hair, to cover your mouth. Azriel doesn’t let you.

“Let me – I need a hand” you moan again when he starts leaving kisses from your clit to your opening, covering any reachable spot. “Azriel, let me go”

“No”

His voice resonates in your cunt and that is almost enough to bring you close to the edge. Only his presence would be enough, the presence of an Illyrian male that falls on his knees in front of you, that is completely yours.

Azriel knows your body and knows you’re close, so instead of letting go of any of your hands, he speeds up. All you feel are his teeth, his lips and his tongue on your pussy, on your folds, on your clit. He rounds the sensitive spot as the shadows rip a moan out of him, and the next second he has his tongue in you, his nose brushing your clit.

Like a madman who hasn’t eaten in days, he devours you whole. You are almost sure he has stopped breathing a while ago, but before you can make sure he’s fine, you’re cumming.

Without your hand to cover your mouth, anyone within hearing range hears you breaking down screaming his name as you cum on his face. He rides through your orgasm without even changing the pace, and black dots appear on your line of sight.

“Az, I can’t – Azriel, stop –“

He doesn’t, and before you know it, your tights are trapping his head between your legs and you’re having the best orgasm of your life. He continues licking any juice that leaves your body, alternating between eating you out and assaulting your clit.

The shadows let go when there’s nothing left in you to give, and Azriel has barely time to catch you as you fall to the side, completely spent.

He manages to pull you back to him, and when you open your eyes again, you’re met with his hazel ones looking down at you with only love and adoration. His lips and chin are shinning with your juices, and without breaking eye contact, he licks them clean.

It’s certainly enough to make you notice the shadows around his shaft.

“I’m alive” Azriel smirked. “Are you?”

“That was the best orgasm of my life”

Your confession drags an ego boost out of him, that you feel through the bond. You smile when his hand finds your cheek and caress it loving. If you asked, you are sure he would turn around and try to sleep with a painful boner. And if you asked, he would totally use his shadows to keep you up and go for a second round.

Before he can propose any of them, you prop up on your elbow and drag your nails down his chest.

They follow the pattern of his tattoos, and he watches you with a raised eyebrow. His expression quickly changes when your fingers find his nipple, your thumb flickering it gently.

“Return the favor?” you propose, with a knowing smile.

The next thing you know, Azriel’s lips are once more on you and his cock pressed against your stomach.

You’re in for a long night.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

[babydollmarauders]

FIGHT — JACK HUGHES

part of the el!hughes au

summary: y/n (lovie) and jack get into their biggest fight yet

warnings: fighting, mention of bad parents (lovie’s)

my head slumps on the back of the couch as Eleanor’s cries pierce my eardrums.

“El, baby, c’mon.” i groan out.

my recently turned one year old is sprawled out on the apartment floor, throwing a fit over something of which i have no idea.

i tried to pick her up, but she just kept pushing my hands away, screaming ‘mama! no! mama, no! no, mama!’

it’s been two weeks of this, and i have a sneaking suspicion that her constant sour mood has been all because of the particular absence of her favorite person. Jack.

it’s been two weeks of early wake-ups and late nights. two weeks of El having meltdowns if i mess up even one thing, like giving her cheetos in a bowl instead of her snack cup, or suggesting Moana instead of watching Lilo & Stitch for the billionth time, or reading her the wrong book at bed time. it’s been two weeks of sleep regression, no naps, and her throwing her food every chance she gets. two weeks of her screaming if i try and leave the room, but screaming if i try and pick her up as well. two weeks of bags under my eyes, messy buns because my hair is horribly greasy, and surviving purely on coffee.

i’m tired. my feet hurt because every time i sit, El screams at me. my head hurts from her screaming. and now my stomach cramps because i, of course, both started my period, and have not had a moment to eat all day. i’ve broken down in tears nearly every night once i finally get El to sleep, because i don’t know how much more of this i can take.

tears well up in my eyes at this very moment, and it takes everything in me to hold back my own screams. not necessarily directed at my daughter, but just in frustration. i can’t think clearly. it’s nearing midnight and i’ve tried everything to get her to sleep, but she just keeps fighting it.

i know she’s tired, just like i am. she’s been up since five in the morning, which means so have i.

“i give up.” i cry out, burying my face in my hands, weeping into them in frustration and exhaustion. “i get it, El. you want your father. i know. please, i know.”

El’s cries pause and i peek through my fingers to see her watching me with a tilted head, before she bursts back into tears.

i steel my spine, wiping my own tears, and strengthening myself. i rise from the couch, scooping my daughter up, despite her smacks to my chest and pulls on my now-falling-out bun, and shuffle towards her bedroom.

going for the last ditch effort, i grab the hidden pacifier in her top dresser drawer, and pop it into her mouth before turning on the white noise machine in the corner and placing her in her crib.

i gaze down at her, watching as she yawns, tears still slipping from her eyes. her eyelids flutter closed before she pries them back open and stares back at me.

“Eleanor Elizabeth Hughes, you have to sleep.” i scold in a whisper.

retreating from the room, closing the door and listening for her wails; i nearly cry in relief when nothing comes. nothing but silence and the sound of the white noise.

my feet pad across the wooden floors as i walk to the kitchen, keeping an ear out for El’s possible whines. too drained to make myself anything sustainable, i settle for a yogurt cup and a cheese stick. bringing my snacks with me into Jack and i’s bedroom, i settle under the blankets.

i have no energy to put into paying attention to a show or movie, and not nearly enough to read a book; so i sit in silence, staring at the wall as i eat.

placing the now empty yogurt cup on my nightstand, i pick at the cheese stick, lost in thought.

i’m struggling.

i feel like a single parent half the time.

i’m not sure how actual single parents do it. the ones who have to work and take care of their children. because parenting in and of itself is a full time job.

i know it’s not fair of me to think so little of myself, but i can’t help feeling like a horrible mother. she never wants me anymore; only ever yearning for Jack.

and i get it. i yearn for him too when he’s gone.

but can’t she be happy with me?

i miss the sound of the front door shutting; too deep in my own head. too far gone in my own thoughts.

but i do hear the not-so-hushed whispers of my husband and his brother as they venture farther into the apartment.

i hear the ‘goodnight.’ from Luke before his bedroom door shuts. i hear the nursery door opening, the white noise from the room getting louder. and then a few minutes later, i hear the nursery door click shut and the sound of my husbands footsteps getting closer down the hall before our bedroom door opens.

my cheese stick is long gone, and my fingers now settle for playing with each other. my nails picking at the others as i still sit in a catatonic state of exhaustion; staring at the wall in front of me.

Jack lets out a breath of surprise when he notices i’m awake in the dim lighting of the bedside lamp.

“hey, lovie.” he leans down, his fists pressing down on the mattress top, and lays a swift kiss on my cheek before rising back up to his full height.

i glance over as he throws Eleanor’s pacifier onto his nightstand.

“i thought we agreed no more pacifiers when she turned one? she hasn’t had one in the past month.” he huffs, stripping his shirt off and throwing it towards the hamper in the corner of the bedroom, narrowly missing by an inch. he eyes the shirt for a millisecond before shrugging and repeating the process with his pants, this time making it in the hamper.

“yeah, well, you weren’t here to attend to her screams and i was.” i retort.

“so you resorted to the paci?” he questions, pulling a pair of flannel pajama pants out of his dresser drawer.

“stop mom-shaming me.” i snap, scooting down and flopping onto my side, my back facing Jack.

“lovie.” he sighs. the bed dips as he sits behind me. “that’s not what i was doing.”

“yes. you were.” i accuse. “you’re saying i’m a bad mom for giving my daughter what she needed in order to fall asleep.”

i turn in the bed to look up at him and he parts his lips to speak, but i keep going.

“but you weren’t here, Jack. you didn’t hear her cries, or have to try every trick in the book to calm her down. you weren’t awake with her for nineteen hours with no nap only to still have her fight bed time. so, yes, i resorted to the pacifier. and ya know what? it worked.”

“i get that you’re in a bad mood, but why are you taking it out on me? i wasn’t even here for you to get angry at me.” he remarks.

“i’m not.” i deny, closing my eyes and hoping he’ll take it as a sign to just let me sleep.

“you are.” he grunts. “and it makes me feel like i’m the bad guy for doing my job.”

“well, i wouldn't have to do this all alone if it weren't for your fucking job.” i know as soon as i say it that my words were uncalled for. but, before i can take them back, Jack stands from the bed, making my eyes fly open to look at him.

“do i not help when i’m home? i’m so sorry that me providing for our family is so hard for you.” he sneers. his sarcasm is not appreciated, and i sit up in the bed in anger. “i’m so sorry that you have to be a mother, while i’m gone making money so that you don’t have to work.”

i shuffle onto my knees on the bed, glaring daggers at my husband.

“when have i ever complained about being a mother? and when have i ever said that i don’t want to work? i never asked to stay at home! but it’s what i do, because not both of us can work without putting El in daycare. which you said you didn’t want to do.”

my finger juts at my chest before poking his. my words harsh in delivery, but quiet in attempt to not disturb the sleeping baby down the hall.

“i never once complained about being a mother. i love her.” i continue.

“are you implying that i don’t love her?” Jack fumes.

“i never said that!” i cry. “you’re putting words into my mouth!”

“i’m just trying to provide for us!” our attempted quiet is long forgotten now, and i can only hope that the white noise in El’s room is enough to mask our argument.

“you think i don’t know that?” i exclaim, he opens his mouth but i don’t let him get a word in. “i’m just saying that you don’t understand how exhausting it is being a single parent half the fucking hockey season! you leave and play games and go out to fucking bars to celebrate wins and i stay here and take care of our daughter, who for the past two weeks, only wanted you!”

Jack throws his hands up in the air, huffing in anger.

“well, i can’t help that! i get that it’s hard, but you’d think you’d be a bit more grateful. it’s part of my job to leave, y/n!”

of everything he’s said, it’s those words that cut me the deepest. and what hurts the most, as small as it may seem, is that within all of our fights, big or small, throughout our entire six years together, never once has he called me by my name while we fought.

it’s always ‘lovie’.

but suddenly, i’m ‘y/n’.

i lower myself onto my butt on the mattress. tears are streaming down my cheeks and i try to wipe them away before Jack can see them.

“now you’re gonna cry?” he lowers himself onto the bed and i push myself off of it in order to gain distance, now standing a couple feet away.

“i quit.” my voice is quiet and surrendered, my words sheltered. i watch as his face drops, lips parting in shock.

“what?” he mumbles, his eyes softening.

i shake my head, letting my tears flow freely now as i round the bed and i head toward the cracked open door.

“where are you going?” he questions, his tone still holding a dash of anger.

“to sleep in Luke’s room.” i reply. he calls after me but his words fall on deaf ears.

i need space.

i don’t bother knocking on Luke’s door, opening it to find him just now sitting down in bed, his hair wet and leftover steam drifting from his en-suite bathroom.

his head snaps over to the door as i close it, and at the sight of my tears, he pats the bed beside him.

a sob racks my chest as i crawl into bed with the boy i look at as a brother. he pulls me into his side, no words spoken between us as he rubs a hand over my hair, letting me cry into his chest and soak his plain white t-shirt.

a muffled cry escapes my lips and he squeezes me tighter, pressing a kiss to my scalp. nothing needs to be said, no words needed to be shared, just quiet shushes and his hand rubbing up and down my back, the other still holding my head tight to his chest in grounding.

i’m not sure how long passes before i cry myself to sleep, Jack’s words echoing on a loop inside my head.

‘you’d think you’d be a bit more grateful.’

***

i’m unsure what time it is when i awake, but Luke is gone from the bed, and the sun peeks through the bedroom window.

i know Luke and Jack have the day off, so if Luke is already up, then i must have slept in later than i usually do.

despite the apparent long sleep, i don’t feel as well rested as i should. my eyes flutter shut for a few moments, but at the sound of the familiar squeal of excitement from my daughter, drifting in through the crack in the door, my eyes fly back open.

i kick my legs free from the tangle of blankets and throw them over the side of the bed, peeling my tired body up off the mattress. i rub my eyes as i walk over to Luke’s bathroom, ignoring the mess amongst the counter and looking in the mirror.

my eyes are still red and puffy from crying, and i turn on the faucet, cupping my hands under the cold running water and splashing it on my face before drying it with the hand towel that’s thrown haphazardly on the counter.

exiting the bathroom and bedroom, i’m immediately met with the sight of El’s smiling face bounding down the hall. her chubby little legs wobble as she runs.

“mama! dada!” she squeals, motioning behind her. a grin overtakes my lips at her excitement.

“yeah? is dada home?” i ask with a laugh as she runs smack into my legs, reaching up with grabby hands.

my heart melts in my chest. for the first time in two weeks, she wants me.

“mama! dada!” she repeats as i hoist her up, lifting her above my head and rejoicing in her giggles.

my eyes are all too soon drawn to my husband at the end of the hall. he stands leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, a faint smile on his lips while my own falls at the sight of him.

our fight replays in my mind; flashes of his red face and his defensive stance. echoes of his harsh tone and his cruel words.

Jack approaches us, leaning down to press a kiss to my lips, but i shift my face, his lips landing on my cheek instead. pulling back, his face falls, hurt shining in his eyes. it hurts me to see him upset, but i can’t bring myself to feel too bad, as i, too, am hurting.

i maneuver around him, padding down the hallway with El in my arms, making my way to the open layout of the living room and kitchen.

Luke is sat on the couch, eyes on his phone while Lilo & Stitch plays on the tv, and i flop down beside him. El crawls into his lap, pushing his phone out of the way and pushing her smiling face into his line of sight. i watch his eyes light up, sliding his phone into his pocket and tickling her sides.

a laugh escapes my lips as he lifts El upside down in front of his face, making her giggle contagiously. but once again, my lips fall back straight as Jack enters the room again.

the day continues like this, living amicably with Jack, but not happily. as the day goes on, the more i reflect on our fight the night prior, and the worse i feel. i was in the wrong. i knew that last night and i know it now.

i know leaving El is hard for him, just as taking care of her without him is hard for me. but my guilt doesn’t erase his words.

i know he didn’t mean it, just as he knows that i didn’t mean mine, but it still hurts. he cut deep. he accused me of being ungrateful, the very same thing he knows my parents called me when i told them i was moving out.

‘you’re so ungrateful. we offered you to keep living with us even after your graduation, and you’d rather move out with your unstable little boyfriend than live with the people who raised you. well, don’t come crawling back to us, we don’t take ungrateful children.’

a lump grows in my throat as i compare the fights. it’s nine at night and Jack is in El’s room, putting her to sleep, Luke long having retired to his own bedroom, leaving me alone on the couch. my knees are pulled up to my chest, my arms hugging them tight, as tears stream down my cheeks.

a small part of me tells me i should apologize. i know if i do, he will too. he already seems to want to move past it.

but the larger part of me says to wait. to let him apologize to me. to make him acknowledge that we fought. instead of brushing past it like it never happened.

Jack strides into the living room, child free, and it’s the first time we’ve really been alone together all day.

i avoid his gaze, rather wiping my tears and averting my eyes to the television, which still plays the credits of The Little Mermaid from our before bedtime movie.

he sighs, taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch. his hand reaches out to graze my leg and i flinch at the soft touch. the larger part of me wins and i rise from the couch, stalking off to our bedroom and away from him.

i quickly change into my pajamas, hoping to be out of the bedroom before he comes in, but i’m not so lucky.

he enters the room as i’m pulling my t-shirt over my head. my t-shirt. not his. he notices this change quickly and shakes his head.

he stands silently, his back leaning against the now closed door as i pull on sweatpants, watching my every move.

i move to the en-suite bathroom when i’m done. making quick work of washing my face and brushing my teeth. when i finally finish with my nightly routine, i head back out to the still blocked bedroom door.

Jack eyes me up and down, and a quick wetting of his lips tells me he’s horny, but i laugh inside at the thought.

does me angry and upset, turn him on? does he really think he has any chance of getting lucky tonight when he hasn’t even apologized?

“can you move?” i huff, crossing my arms.

“where are you going now?” he questions, shaking his head.

“Luke’s room. again.”

“you know we have a bed, right? the one you were in last night before you left me alone in here.” his words twist my heart, but i stand my ground.

“oh, you mean the same bed i was sitting in when you implied that i’m ungrateful and selfish?” i mock, tilting my head.

“lovie.” his tone is defensive enough to let me know that he doesn’t plan on apologizing tonight, so rather than waiting and hoping for Jack to move, i push him aside lightly with my shoulder and slip through the door.

i knock lightly on Luke’s door and it doesn’t take long for him to open it, letting me slip through into the room.

“you guys are still fighting?” Luke asks, shutting the door and walking over to sit on his bed.

“i promise, this is the last time i’ll sleep in your room. if we’re still fighting tomorrow night, i’ll sleep on the couch.” i assure him, crawling up the bed and laying on my side, facing him.

“i don’t have a problem with you sleeping in here, lovie.” he sighs, laying down on his side so that we lay face to face. “i’ve just never seen you guys fight like this, ya know? you guys are usually so in love, it just scares me to see you fight. i want the best for both of you.”

my eyes soften and i raise my hand, running it softly through Luke’s unruly curls.

“Lukey, i’m still madly in love with your brother. one fight isn’t gonna change that.” i tell him. “he said some things that hurt me. i said things that i’m sure hurt him too. but we’ll get through this. we love each other.”

i speak with assurance, but at this point, i’m not sure if i’m reassuring Luke, or myself.

“you should go to sleep, bubs. you have practice in the morning.” i press a kiss to Luke’s forehead before he turns his bedside lamp off and flops down on his side, his back now facing me.

i follow suit, my back facing Luke as i close my eyes and let myself drift to sleep.

***

i’m woken up by little hands smacking my cheeks, immediately followed by the sound of my husbands whispers.

“oh no, El, we don’t smack mommy. we’re gentle.” he tells her softly, and soon after, i feel her open mouth press against my cheek; her version of a kiss.

my eyes flutter open and i’m met by the smiling face of my daughter. she’s held hovering above me by Jack, who seems worried for my reaction.

“hi, baby!” i coo, a smile stretching over my lips as i take her from him. “good morning, beautiful!”

“mama!” she cheers, followed by a steady stream of babbling.

“she woke up a couple hours ago. she was looking for you.” Jack tells me. “i just changed her diaper, and she already ate breakfast, but i noticed she’s been chewing on everything this morning, so i threw a couple of her teething toys in the freezer and she’ll probably want a popsicle soon to sooth her gums.”

i look up at him and nod, acknowledging that i heard him, before i sit up and lay El down on the bed, tickling her tummy and listening to her joyous giggles fill the room.

“Luke and i are off to practice, we’re running late.” he runs his hand over El’s hair, leaning down and kissing her forehead before turning to look at me again. “Luke said he wants to take El to the park after we get back. he said for me to ask you if you can have her dressed and her diaper bag ready for when he and i get back.”

“yeah, i can do that.” i reply and he nods, pushing off the bed and laying a kiss on my own forehead before he leaves the room.

i heave out a sigh, looking down at El, who’s already looking up at me.

“you wanna go take a shower with mommy?” i baby talk, pasting a smile back on my face. she smiles right back, grabbing at my shirt. “yeah, you do. you love showers, don’t you? my little water baby.”

*

El is all dressed and ready to go when Jack and Luke arrive home, while i stick the last snack into her diaper bag.

“hey, lovie.” Luke chimes, throwing an arm around my shoulder and squeezing my head into his chest. “she ready?”

“mhm! she should be good to go.” i confirm as i push out of his hold, stuffing the bag into his arms instead. “you have the stroller, right?”

“yeah, i’m taking Jack’s car and it’s already in the trunk.” he confirms, slinging the diaper bag over his shoulder and scooping his niece up from where she was already staring up at him by his legs.

“alright, say bye-bye to mommy and daddy!” Luke sings out, waving to us. El copies him, waving her entire arm about in order to wave goodbye, and with that, they’re out the door; leaving Jack and i in silence.

i busy myself by picking up the toys strewn about the living room floor, while Jack unloads the dishwasher. but tension lingers in the air.

maybe i should just apologize.

i hate this feeling.

i hate not being cuddled up with him right now.

we usually spend any El free hours curled up in our bed. napping, watching a movie, talking, or just taking part in general bedroom activities.

but instead, we’re across the room from each other, doing daily household chores and trying hard to avoid the screaming silence between us.

i drop a barbie into the toy box and stand up straight, looking towards my husband, who’s already staring at me with gentle eyes.

“i’m sorry.” i sigh, squeezing my eyes shut, holding my hands to my face. “i hate fighting.”

his hurried footsteps click against the wooden floors, stopping when he gets in front of me. his hands come up to mine, delicately pulling them away from my face before his arms encircle my waist.

“i hate it too.” he whispers, and i know his words hold a double meaning. he hates fighting and he hates leaving.

“i shouldn’t have said the things that i did. i shouldn’t have taken my bad mood out on you.” i let my head bob forward, my forehead laying against his chest. “i was tired, and i was angry at the situation, but not at you. never at you. you’re providing for our family, and i’m so glad that you get to do that by doing something you love.”

he kisses the top of my head, his lips lingering on my scalp.

“i’m sorry too.” he mumbles against me.

“i’m sorry for making it seem like i was mom-shaming you, i should’ve chosen my words more carefully. i’m sorry for making you feel bad. i’m sorry for accusing you of saying i don’t love her, i know that’s not what you were saying. and most of all, i’m sorry for implying that you were ungrateful. you’re not. i know you’re not. i should’ve never implied that you were.

“you’re an amazing mom, lovie. the best i could’ve ever hoped for El. i should’ve been more understanding about how hard it is for you to take care of her alone while i’m gone.”

i peer up at him, my chin still resting on his chest, and give him a pointed look.

“and i’m sorry for not calling you ‘lovie’.” he huffs out through a laugh. the corners of my mouth quirk up and i pull his head down to push our lips together.

my whole body melts even further into his, finally at peace for the first time in over two weeks.

[ravencoloredroses]

Jealousy

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Reader is tired of pinning after Az when he’s fallen for 3 different girls and none of them are her.

Warnings: Swearing, sexual talk

Word Count: 1,658

A/N: This one is based on this ask! Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!!

———————————————————————————

I’ve known the Inner Circle of the Night Court for centuries, some think of me as an honorary member. Mor and I grew up together, I’ve known her my whole life. When she finally invited me to Velaris, I met him. Azriel, a.k.a the spymaster, and Mother, was he perfect. The only problem was he was hopelessly in love with my best friend.

As the years went on I fell hopelessly in love with him. I would cherish every moment we spent together. I thought he was starting to get over Mor, and that maybe he could be interested in me. But then the Archeron sisters showed up.

Watching Rhys and Cassian fall for their mates was amazing to watch. Feyre and Nesta were perfect matches for them. I could tell Elain liked Az, I mean who wouldn’t. What was hard was watching him fall for her.

Everyday was torture. I knew Az would never like me the way I like him, but it was still hard.

Now with Mor and Elain out of the picture, Gwyn has waltzed in. The problem with that was that she is so damn nice, I can’t hate her no matter how hard I try. She would be perfect for him and it’s obvious she thinks so too.

As we sit down for family dinner, I leave a seat open next to me for Az to sit. Of course he doesn’t, he chooses to sit next to Gwyn who gives him googly eyes every time he walks by.

Mor ends up sitting next to me and gives me a sad smile. I told her years ago about my feelings for Azriel. She tried to convince me to confess to him, but I didn’t want to ruin what friendship we had left.

Az and I used to train with each other every morning. After the war, I thought that would continue, but now he trains with Gwyn. He hardly talks to me anymore, barely looks at me.

I try my best to concentrate on eating, but I hear giggles coming from Gwyn. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Az giggles back. He actually giggles at her.

I stab my fork into my steak a little too hard, causing the whole table to look up at me, including him.

“Y/N? Is everything alright?” Rhys asks me.

I clear my throat and look down at my plate. “Yeah, everything’s wonderful.” I spit out. Now I remember I’m not hungry, so I stand up and head up to my room.

When I walk past Azriel, I see him trying to get my attention but I keep on walking.

Laying down on my bed, I hear a soft knock on my door.

“Y/N? Can I come in?” Mor asks quietly. When I don’t respond she slowly opens the door. “Wanna go out to Rita’s?”

“What?” I ask, dumbfounded. “How is Rita's your solution to everything?”

She laughs as she sits down next to me. “Because it works. Now come on Missy. Let’s go find you a one night stand.”

I look up at her with wide eyes. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

“You heard me!” She pulls me up and walks me over to my closet. “You need to clear your mind for a night. Let loose. Oh! This dress is perfect!” She turns to me holding up a skimpy black dress.

“Mor…. I can’t wear that.”

“Sure you can! You just have to unzip the back, then step into it, put your arms through the holes and then boom! You’re wearing it!” She laughs and hands me the dress. “I’ll leave you to change. Meet me in my room so I can do your makeup!” She yells over her shoulder before shutting the door. Great looks like I’m going to Rita’s.

When I look at myself in Mor’s mirror, I almost can’t recognize myself. “Woah. I look….”

“I believe the word you are looking for is hot. You look hot!” Mor did my makeup perfectly, nothing too crazy, just enough to bring out my features. The dress she picked out is a perfect fit. It hugs all my curves beautifully and shows just the right amount of cleavage. It also has an open back and ends just above my knees.

“Alright!! Let’s go have some fun!” Mor grabs ahold of my hand before winnowing us over to Rita’s.

It’s not as packed as I thought it was going to be, but it’s still really busy. “What about that guy over there?” Mor yells over the loud music. She’s been pointing out potential hookups since we got here. This one she’s pointing to is already looking over at us. “OMG he’s coming over to you! Act cool.”

“Hello ladies. You look like you could use a dancing partner.” The male says to me, holding his hand out. I look over to Mor and see that she’s already gone, of course she is..

I turn back to my new dance partner and grab onto his hand as he pulls me to the dance floor. I’m trying not to focus on how low his hand is as we sway to the music.

“What’s your name?” He asks as a slower song starts to play.

“Y/N. What’s yours?”

“Nikolas.” He responds, I place my hands around his neck as we lean into each other a bit more. “Well Y/N, how about we get out of here, head back to my place?”

“I’d like that.” I look up and give him a smile. He takes one of my hands and leads me towards the door, and I look around to find Mor. I finally find her by the bar and she gives me a wink before turning back to her drink.

As we step outside, I shiver a little bit because of the cold. Nikolas takes off his jacket and places it around my shoulders, leaving his hand there as well. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?” He asks.

I look up at him and he leans down and kisses me. For a second I just stand there, but then I kiss him back and wrap my arms around his neck. I begin playing with his hair as he lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist.

“Nikolas,” I say when we break for a breath. “I’m on a tonic.”

“Me too.” He replies. We go back to kissing and then I feel a gust of wind behind me. Nikolas lets go of my legs and I drop to the ground.

“What the fuck?” I hear Nikolas yell at someone. I look up and see Azriel pushing Nikolas up against a wall. Shadows are wrapped too tight around his neck. I can see his face turning purple.

“You do not touch her, do not look at her, do not even think about her. Got it?” Az grits his teeth. “She is mine. And if I ever see you near her again, I will gut you out and wrap your intestines around a flagpole.” Az finishes as he pushes Nikolas down on the ground. He gets up quickly and runs away.

“Az, what the fuck?” I yell out. He turns to face me and I can see that he is still fuming. “What the hell do you mean I’m yours?” I ask when I finally comprehend what he just said.

His eyes soften as he starts to walk closer. “I- I love you Y/N. I have for a while.” He whispers.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” I ask, taking a step back. “You- you love me? But- But what about Gwyn?”

“What about Gwyn?” He counters. “It’s you that I want, it’s always been you.” He closes the distance between us and moves a piece of my hair behind my ear. “Cassian told me everything.”

“Cassian? But….. Mor must have told him.” I look down in embarrassment. He lifts my head up with a finger under my chin.

“I’m sorry I’ve been too stupid to notice. I thought that since you are best friends with Mor, that you wouldn’t like me for pinning after her.” He confesses. “I wanted to tell you how I felt before the war, but then everything happened and the timing was never right.”

“So you’re not dating Gwyn?”

“No! I never dated Gwyn. She’s a nice female, but she’s just a friend.”

“And Elain?”

He sighs. “I thought I liked Elain, but I figured out I just liked the fact that she liked me. I like you Y/N, I choose you. If you’ll have me.” He cups my cheek.

“Azriel, of course I’ll have you. I’ve loved you since the day I met you.” He wipes away one of my tears.

“Why are you crying then?”

“Because,” I sniffle. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“It’s happening.” He leans in closer. “Y/N? Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

His lips feel even better than I’ve ever imagined they would. It’s like we were molded for each other. The kiss is saying everything we can’t with words. I feel his love for me and I can tell he feels mine back.

When we break away for air, he leans his forehead on mine. I jump when someone behind us suddenly starts clapping. Az holds me close as we look over to our audience.

“That was the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen in my entire existence.” Cassian fake cries. “And to think, it’s all because of me!”

Rhys grabs a box of tissues out of thin air and hands it over to Cas. “Here brother, you look like you need these.” He laughs. Cassian takes one from the box and loudly blows his nose. I laugh and look back up to Az. He looks down at me, also laughing.

“Well, my love, would you like to go home?”

“Yes, please.”

[meowzfordayz]

when you’re going through an episode — mitsuri, shinobu, kyojuro, sanemi, giyuu

Author’s Note: it’s difficult to accurately capture the scope of bipolar disorder in a comfort fanfic, so just know that these preferences barely graze the surface of what it means to have bipolar, and that it’s more complicated and nuanced than fixing a bad day w/ a hug. 🖤 Update: was just informed that BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. 😅 Apologies for my misunderstanding/mistake, but hope this still provides comfort! 🫶🏽

when you’re going through an episode — mitsuri, shinobu, kyojuro, sanemi, giyuu

Kanroji Mitsuri x Reader, Kocho Shinobu x Reader, Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader, Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader, Tomioka Giyuu x Reader

Word Count: ~1,000

CW: bipolar disorder

Emergency Request Fulfilled: I’ve been so depressed, stuck in the bpd episode for like a week. I can barely will myself to leave my bed

Could you maybe do some female demon slayer characters (Mitsuri, shinobu, lady tamayo, female muzan, etc) taking care of a reader also going through a bad depressive episode?

Emergency Request Fulfilled: hello, i am requesting for an emergency request of maybe the hashiras (esp rengoku) comforting their bpd lover while theyre currently going thru a bpd episode

my bpd has been really bad as of late and my episodes r exhausting me, i just want to be comforted. feel free to write whenever, i adore your writing sm!! thank you

~faqs~

When you’re going through an episode…

… Mitsuri’s talked with you previously to ensure she’s as educated and prepared for your episodes as she can be, but having an outline of how to support you is never quite the same as actually executing it. It’s difficult for her to not take your disorder personally, because she prides herself on being joyful, enthusiastic, and positive; she can only handle gentle rejection so many times before she needs space. That being said, she feels safe enough to communicate her own fears and disappointments, so ~space generally entails you shooing her out of the house for ~an hour to treat herself to bubble tea and sunshine before rejoining you back in the pillow fort (which she always makes because she knows it helps you feel just a little lighter; if it means guests can’t use the living room for an extended period, then oh well). Sometimes she’s successful in coaxing you along with her, fingers interlaced loosely with yours, her smile wide as ever; other times she’s sure to return with your go-to order, plus a few photos of pretty flowers that reminded her of you.

… Shinobu does her best to listen. Whether you’re waking her up at 2am Shinobu, I had a nightmare, calling her on her lunch break I haven’t gotten out of bed yet, or showering while she sits on the toilet lid I’m so tired, thank you for waiting for me; it’s a simple gesture that goes a long way. She knows she doesn’t have to have profound replies, just as she knows how important and special it is that you feel safe enough to let her into your head, especially when she knows how low you’re feeling. It also helps her—gently—interrupt you when you start catastrophizing or spiraling, counter your self-directed negative perceptions, and gauge your overall mood. She rarely offers advice—she knows she’s your partner, not your therapist—but she’s grateful she gets to bring a calm, logical presence to your weighted, preoccupied thoughts. When you smile faintly, eyes almost shining, couch cushion sinking as you scoot yourself closer to her warmth; that’s when she knows she’s on the right track. “I appreciate you,” you murmur, words sweet and apologetic on her skin. “And I appreciate you,” she chuckles quietly, body shifting to accommodate you curling into her, “You make me happy too.”

… Kyojuro does everything with an extra hint of softness. He understands maintaining a sense of normalcy can be helpful, but his chest aches at the exhaustion in your eyes, the halfhearted grip of your hand in his, how you laugh for his sake when he tries to make you smile — not because he actually succeeded. From washing your hair to feeding you bites of lunch, he goes out of his way to ease the process of simply being; to spark joy in the state of living. He knows satisfying basic needs are vital to getting through your episodes, just as he knows eating, bathing, going for a walk can be some of the hardest to do. Tough love isn’t his preferred method, so he opts for: making airplanes sounds while directing a spoonful of dinner toward your mouth, insisting he can’t reach his back to wash it, so, “Please join me in the shower! I need you!”, and claiming his hand feels lonely, “Could you hold it during my walk? I fear holding my own hand does not nearly suffice.” He doesn’t mean to belittle or baby you, but he’ll try anything to see you smile or even roll your eyes — to get to say I love you too.

… Sanemi doubts his ability to care for you. Make no mistake: he loves you, and doesn’t resent you in the slightest. He does, however, feel completely out of his depth. He understands in theory that loving someone isn’t all ease and sunshine, but in practice? He’d do anything to feel your smile on his lips, to have you snuggle further into his chest as he holds you, to hear you chat about your day, your favorite color, how you almost got caught in a downpour — anything, to know you’re ~okay. It takes a while for him to accept that ~okay comes in waves, and that silence on your end is not inherently rejection of his affection and effort. Telling him, “Even if I can’t express it in the moment, knowing you’re here beside me always makes me happy,” definitely helps reassure him that he can do something for you—by simply being him—and caressing his cheek when you think he’s asleep, murmuring, “Thank you for being patient with me, I love you,” reminds him all over again that I love you.

… it’s difficult for Giyuu to support you without feeling low himself. He feels so strongly for you, and is almost too close to provide the steady, neutral responses that seem to help you most. He can always hold you, can always kiss your forehead, touch your knuckles to his cheek, but he can’t always listen — he can’t always bend without breaking completely and utterly for you. Which isn’t to say you’re over reliant on or demanding of him; it’s just hard for him to know how much you’re hurting without taking that hurt into his heart and making it his own. He wants to be there for you, but navigating his boundaries and your needs definitely takes time, practice, tears, and forgiveness. “I want you to be yourself around me,” he murmurs, body spooning protective and cool behind you, “But I’m not the best when it comes to certain parts of you.” Nodding slightly, you clutch his hand to your chest, eyes closed as you reply, “And that’s okay. You can’t be good with all of me, and I’m not great with all of you either. But we both try, don’t we?” “Of course.” “That’s enough for me.” It’s enough for me too he thinks as he kisses the back of your head, grateful for the feeling of your smile grazing his fingertips.

[knockyasocksoff2022]

It Counts

Sicktember 2024 - Prompt #10 The Sniffles (TM)

Words: 1,642

Pairing: Nakajima Atsushi / Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

POV: First person (Atsushi)

Atsushi’s Perspective:

The single light fills the bathroom with a warm glow, colouring my reflection orange in the mirror. I take the temperature reading device out of my mouth before it can start to beep, so as not to wake Ryuu.

Sure enough, no fever. Perfectly normal. It’s just the weather change giving the tiger, an animal taht prefers warmer environments, a bit of trouble. I’m being dramatic.

‘Spoilt brat! Since when did you become such a hypochondriac? Such weakness will only bring everyone around you down.’

The thought startles me, it came from somewhere deep inside my mind, the part that never really left the orphanage, that sometimes I fear never really will.

As quietly as I can, I walk back to bed. The entire flat has heated floors, but it still feels a bit cold. I know it’s just me because Ryuu sleeps, unbothered.

Still, if there’s any chance I even could be sick, I should sleep on the sofa. Just to be safe.

‘You selfish person, why didn’t you move to the sofa when you felt tired earlier? You’ll get him sick and then he might die!’

My mind's scolding confuses me. Am I sick or not?

-

The sofa is comfortable . . . normally when I’m sitting or cuddled against Ryuu, but now the discomfort is familiar. I drift to sleep, scolding myself for worrying about the neck pain.

–

“Huh?”

I think Ryuu said something to me, but I don’t really wake up until he starts the coffee grinder. The sound grate sound my ears.

“I said: Good morning, Jinko.”

“Oh.”

“May I ask why you are on the sofa?”

Crap! I can’t tell him. I mean, it’s not like I’m even ill. I don’t need him freaking out.

“Uh, I got overheated last night, so I came out here.” My voice sounds way too deep, almost guttural.

He raises an eyebrow, pouring the ground coffee into the coffee maker without looking. “Mmm, interesting, seeing as you’re wearing a jumper.”

Oops.

“Well, the jumper and blanket were too much, but the jumper by itself was fine.” I know I’m only digging myself deeper, but what else can I do? I can’t have him fussing over me when I’m not actually ill.

“Nice try, Jinko. As much as I enjoy you’re morning voice, you are clearly congested.” He trunks his back to me before I can retort. 

Ah, well, there goes that. I sigh, feeling the mucus shift unpleasantly in the back of my throat. I stand, crossing the living room to the kitchen, to make breakfast.

“Peppermint, or Lemon and Ginger tea, Jinko?” He trunks around, holding up two bags.

“Ryuu, stop. It’s barely the sniffles.”

“Tea is proven to help with symptoms like sore throats and congestion.” He explains.

“I know that, but I’m not-I don’t need all that. I’m fine, just- please don’t. Let me make my breakfast. I’ve got to pack my lunch too. I have to be at work at 7:00.”

“Nakajima Atsushi . . .”

My full name. That means he’s about to try and convince me (and it’s about to work). I cut him off.

“No, I don’t even have a fever. I’m not sick enough for this.”

“For what, Atsushi, a little tea? You drink tea all the time, what’s so special about it today?”

“I, uh- you don’t need to make tea for me.”

“Of course not, nothing I do for you is “necessary”, Jinko. I am the sick one. I am the one who requires care, Everything I do for you is because I want to. I know you are perfectly capable of making tea, so are you going to do it yourself?”

I won’t. He’s caught me.

“Well, Atsushi, will you?”

I can’t. It’s not right.

The way he’s looking at me . . . I have to give him so explanation. 

“I-I don’t deserve it,” I whisper. It feels pathetic to say it even if the words are air-horn loud inside my head. “I’m sorry, sorry for troubling you.”

His eyes narrow, faint brows furrowing, and he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. I did just what I didn’t want to do. I made trouble for him.

He exhales heavily, then speaks, “Don’t deserve it, hmm? Well, tell me then, Jinko, how sick do you have to be before you do? Why do I deserve all you do for me?”

What? What is he saying? Of course, he deserves it.

“Because you can’t help it, and I love you!” My voice breaks. It hurts a bit. 

Weak.

He exhales again, “God, Atsushi, do you hear yourself? I can’t help it? Of course not. But neither can you. You didn’t decide to become ill. You-”

“But I’m not ill, not really. I don’t have a fever, it doesn’t count.”

His eyes widen. He stands frozen for a second, then he’s hugging me, hard, face pressed into my neck, nuzzling me.

“No, Ryuu, stop, you’ll catch-”

He ignores me, “Is that what you think?”

“Yes! Now please back up!”

“If it doesn’t count, then why shouldn’t I hug you?” He asks, “If it doesn’t count, why shouldn’t I do this?” He comes close again, lips nearly touching mine. 

I shove him away, barely falling back as I do. I might now be very ill, but for Ryuu, even small things can turn bad.

“Just because you have no measurable symptoms doesn’t mean that you aren’t feeling poorly. Yes?”

I sniffle, I can’t help it anymore. “Y-yes.”

“Now, which tea would you like?”

“Um, Lemon and Ginger, please.”

“Alright, go back to bed. I’ll bring it in.”

“Ryuu, I have work.”

“Sleep would speed up the recovery process.” He argues.

“I want to go to work, I feel well enough. And work would distract me.” It’s true, I’m barely congested. I don’t even have a headache.

He looks at me with slightly narrowed eyes, scanning me up and down, then nods, “There’s no need to tell you that I trust you Jinko. If you say you’re fine, I believe it, but at least allow me to make you proper breakfast and pack your lunch. Try and get a few more minutes in while I do so. You’d be no help at work if you allowed yourself to get worse.”

I can’t argue with that, as harsh as he may seem, Ryuu always knows what will knock sense into me, it seems. I suppose that’s why we’re dating.

-

True to his word, I have plenty of time to dress for work when Ryuu wakes me.

“But, Atsushi, you are not wearing that ridiculous get-up, not today.”

He hands me a stack of clothes before returning to the kitchen to finish breakfast.

I unfold the stack. It contains my usual colours, with slightly different components. Instead of my usual capris, there’s a pair of soft, black joggers (the fashionable kind with the thin ankle elastics), an undershirt and a soft, white T-shirt (it’s long on me, so it must be his) Lastly, a black cable knit jumper to complete the outfit. There are throat lozenges in the pocket.

I leave it off for now, knowing my elevated body temperature I might overheat, but after a second of debate, I stuff it in my bag. Just in case I can’t take the office’s air con as well as usual.

Ryuu’s breakfast is delicious, and I eat almost all of it.

-

I blow him a kiss as I get up. He catches it, then hands one of his black lunch boxes. It feels heavier than it should. I give him a questioning look.

“Soup.” He explains, looking me over with a frown.

“Really, Ryuu, I’m alright.”

“Where’s the jacket?”

“I’ve got it right here, in my bag.” I open my satchel to show him, “See.”

“It’s windy out today, put it on.” 

Chuckling at his antics, I do. “Happy?” And I hand him back the bills from his pocket. “I think you left these.”

“O, that’s for cab fare. It should cover your trip there and home.”

“Ryuu, you don’t have to, the train is perfectly fin-”

He places a finger over my lips, reaches behind me to the coat hooks for a scarf, and fastens it on my neck.

“The station is blocks and blocks away, you don’t need to walk today. I’m sure you’ll get your steps in adequately at work. There. Now you may go. And you had better tell Dazai-san that you can’t fight today. If I see you, I’ll drag you straight back home.”

“Yeah, yeah, Ryuu, I will.” I blow him one last kiss before putting on my mask and heading out the door.

–

Of course, I get funny looks for showing up in a cab, and my outfit, but it’s mostly forgotten when they see my mask. Thankfully, Dazai-san steps in to keep Yosano-sensei, and Kyouka from worrying too much, as much of a hypochondriac as he is, he seems to understand not wanting attention. 

I’m glad for my jacket, the office feels colder than usual today.

-

By lunch, I feel better. Kunikida-san put me on desk duty, even when I instead he didn’t, but he said it hardly mattered since we had no field cases today. Judging by the amount of paperwork from our latest cases, that’s probably a good thing. 

Despite only filing papers all day, my appetite has come back. The tiger heals wounds instantaneously, but she takes a bit longer for things like this, so I’m not surprised. I’m starving.

It looks like Ryuu anticipated that I would be feeling better, just like always, even when he chides me he has more faith than I have in myself sometimes. 

The lunch box contains all the ingredients for chazuke, arranged carefully, minus the tea, which is in the thermos. That must be why it felt heavy. For some reason, seeing the lunch box makes my chest feel warm. It’s nice. Is this how Ryuu feels when I care for him? I can only hope so.

As I pour the tea, I can only think that maybe my burdens aren’t as big as I think they are. Maybe sharing my burdens isn’t always so terrible. Maybe sometimes sharing can make them smaller.

Either way, Ryuu’s double portion of Chazuke is wonderful.

[theywhoshantbenamed]

scenario: California gets hurt badly and all the states end up taking care of him and he cries over it because he didn’t realize how much everybody cares for him

| V story

it all started when the man got pushed down the stairs by somebody, he hadn’t know who as he ended up blacking out the moment his head hit the corner of the stairs. California woke up with a few broken ribs, a crack in his skull, and a kneecap deemed too shattered for California to even move his poor leg.

New York insisted that California stay in bed till it healed but the taller state thought otherwise. California managed to work his way up onto crutches and out the door and into the kitchen with a constant click…click…click…click sound every time the rubber of his crutches his the floor.

“I thought I told you to stay in bed.” New York hissed with a side glare in California’s direction.

California felt a little confused. He thought New York wouldn’t have cared about California’s whereabouts, especially when California had ended up injured. “Why do you care?” California defensively spat back.

“You need to rest.” New York poured some powder into his drink as he continued to glance glares in the fire state’s direction. “Or is that another thing you can’t seem to get through that dense skull of yours?”

“Of course I know that-” California mouth was zipped shut by the fierce stare New York shot at California. He wasn’t sure if that was the man’s resting face or an actual glare.

“are you stupid or something? I said you need to rest, go back to your room or I’ll carry you there myself.” New York practically glared at California with his teeth. “You have a broken skull, which is a miracle that it broke in the first place considering how thick it is, you have a broken knee, and broken ribs. You should’ve be up in the first place.” New York pointed California in the direction of his room. “Go. Right now, I was going to bring for for you.”

What? Is the very first thing that the tall blond-y thought when New York said he was making food for California. “Since when do you make food for other people?”

“If you’d pay attention then you’d realize I make dinner for the entire house. Now go back to your room.” California could feel New York’s dim red eyes breaking his skull further.

California gave up in fear for what New York might do if he didn’t listen. The Golden State plopped onto his bed as carefully as possible and set his crutches against the wall. He shifted himself back into bed and moved his legs under the covers as carefully as possible. His knee was so so heavy with that clunky brace on and his cracked ribs weren’t helping.

I’m ending it there because I’m very tired but if I were to continue it’d just be a bunch of different states helping California throughout his healing time

California ignoring his whole creaking body is a mood. I do love this little story you sent me!! New York’s cooking, I’d send my ass back to bed too let him spoon feed me ^^

California is a little shit but New York doesn’t take no shit so it works out I really enjoyed this !!

I love my fandom bike

[arc852]

30. Candlelight

Definition: dim light provided by a candle or candles.

Summary: Grian once again brings up Jimmy living with him instead of in the walls. Unlike the other times though, Grian takes things too far.

G/t: Grian is normal-sized, Jimmy is a borrower

Warnings: Fear, threatening to keep someone, and guilt

Word Count: 1155

AO3 Link

This is does not take place in the BBBCAU, it is it's own seperate au. Just thought I would clarify that.

So, we've had some accidental fearplay this month. How about some on purpose fearplay? Kind of. You'll see what I mean.

I hope you guys enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 “Whoa, why is it so dark in here?” A small voice suddenly asked, breaking the silence.

 “Power went out.” Grian answered, lighting the last candle. He was careful not to move from his position by the nightstand though, not until he knew exactly where Jimmy was. Thankfully, under the glow of the candle, Grian was able to make out the tiny figure by his feet. It seemed like Jimmy was unfurling his hook, about to use it to climb up the nightstand. Grian let out a little laugh at that before bending down and scooping Jimmy up in one hand.

 “Wha-? Hey!” Jimmy yelled, squirming in Grian’s grip. He settled down quickly though, which told Grian everything was fine.

 “Don’t want you falling cause you can’t see anything.” Grian reasoned, even though he would have picked Jimmy up regardless of if the power had gone out or not. 

 Jimmy huffed and crossed his arms. “I can see perfectly fine. I live in the walls, I’m used to the dark.”

 “Yeah, but you don’t have to.” Grian said. “Live in the walls, I mean.” He heard Jimmy sigh.

 “Grian, we’ve talked about this.” And they have, multiple times. Ever since Grian had met Jimmy, he was trying to convince him that he didn’t need to live in the walls anymore. And every time Jimmy gave reasons why he couldn’t. It was getting a bit tiring, if Grian was being honest.

 Grian huffed. “Right, cause I’m a big scary human and it’s forbidden for little borrowers to even be seen by us. Let alone live with us.” Grian said, not hiding his frustrations as he, gently, bopped the top of Jimmy’s head.

 “Grian…” Jimmy said, voice pained. Grian looked down at him and though it was hard to see his face in just the glow of the candle, Grian could still make out the small expression of fear that had appeared on Jimmy’s face at his tone. Grian sighed. 

 “Yeah, whatever. Just proving your point now, huh?” Grian placed Jimmy on the nightstand and then let himself fall into bed. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling, giving Jimmy his space.

 “No, Grian, I-I’m not scared of you.” Jimmy stuttered out and Grian turned his head to the side and raised his eyebrow at him. Jimmy’s face flushed and he turned away. “I’m not…as scared of you.”

 “There you go. No use lying to me or yourself really.” Grian said and then turned his head back toward the ceiling. 

 Jimmy groaned. “You can be so difficult sometimes.” Grian let out a laugh at that. “And it’s not about being scared or not anyway. I do trust you. I just…it's about my independence.”

 “You can live with me out here and still be independent.” Grian tried to reason, looking back over at Jimmy. The borrower was now sitting on the edge of the nightstand, facing Grian. 

 “Not in the same way.” Jimmy said. Grian opened his mouth to argue but Jimmy beat him to it. “Independence means a different thing to us borrowers. We don’t…if I relied on you like that, I don’t even know if I could consider myself a borrower anymore.”

 “Oh come on.” Grian said, suddenly sitting up. He turned his body toward Jimmy, who he now loomed over. Grian pushed back the guilt he felt when Jimmy flinched. “It wouldn’t be like that at all! You would still be you, you would just be able to actually live instead of survive.”

 Jimmy winced. “I…” 

 “Maybe I really don’t understand borrowers very well after all.” Grian said. “Because it makes no sense that you would rather keep surviving like you do, in terrible conditions and always worrying about when you can eat next instead of living here with me, who you know is safe.” 

 “Grian--” Jimmy tried but Grian cut him off, looking him right in the eyes. The glow of the small candle flame casting shadows over both of their faces. 

 “I could keep you here, you know.” Grian said and Jimmy’s breath hitched. 

 “No, you…you wouldn’t…” Jimmy tried but was once again cut off by Grian.

 “Wouldn’t I?” Grian reached down and wrapped a hand around Jimmy’s small body, lifting him off of the nightstand. Immediately, Jimmy started to squirm in his grasp, not knowing where this was going and scared because of that. Grian brought him to eye level. “If I thought things would be better off for you out here with me, I could really easily just…make you stay. Right? I mean, that’s the whole reason you aren’t supposed to reveal yourselves to humans in the first place.”

 “Grian, please stop.” Jimmy said, trying his best to keep the fear out of his voice though he wasn’t doing a great job of that.

 “I could even get you a little hamster cage to keep you in. Or would you prefer a fish tank? Either way, somewhere nice and secure to keep you to make sure you couldn’t run away back into the walls. Now I think that would--”

 “Stop! Please, no, don’t, please…” Jimmy shouted and then trailed off into soft cries. His breathing was shaky at best as tears flowed freely down his cheeks.

 Grian froze and finally really looked at Jimmy. He looked utterly terrified. More terrified than Grian had ever seen him, even when they had first met. Grian’s shoulders slumped as he realized he had gone too far.

 Slowly, carefully, Grian lowered his hand back to the nightstand and released his grip. Jimmy crumpled to a heap as soon as he was free. Grian winced, guilt eating at him. “I-I’m sorry, I’m not…I’m not actually going to do any of that.”

 Jimmy didn’t say anything.

 “I’m…I’m gonna go grab you some water. Okay? Be right back.” Grian stood up and left for the kitchen. He grabbed a water bottle cap and carefully filled it with water before bringing it back to his room. 

 But when he got back, Jimmy was gone.

 Grian took in a deep breath. He should have expected that. He had messed up big time. Of course Jimmy left.

 And he probably wasn’t going to come back, either. 

 Grian groaned and ran a hand down his face. He was so stupid. Why did he have to say those things? Why did he have to scare Jimmy like that? He cared about the borrower, he would never take away his freedom like that. He just…wanted Jimmy to have a better life. And…maybe a selfish part of Grian wanted to see Jimmy more often too.

 Though thanks to him, Grian was probably never going to see Jimmy again. Not that he could blame him.

 Grian sat on his bed and placed the cap full of water on the nightstand. He sat there, staring at the flame of the candle just…thinking. Regretting.

 And he was still there long past when the flame ran out.

[augustvandyne]

Neeeeeeed some Angela lopez x reader FLUFFFF🫶🏼🫶🏼

okay babes!

sick day

You should’ve just bought a coat, or used one of Angelas, because now you’re both out sick, and no use to the station.

Your girlfriend had tried to convince you plenty of times to just buy a winter coat, but you wanted to stick it out.

As a kid, you couldn’t ever afford a coat, so you never really had one. But now you could afford twenty winter coats if you wanted them.

But you still don’t own one.

Your sickness had been incoming since yesterday, when you had woken up with a small stuffed nose, and a minor sore throat.

And Angela, well, you were gonna try to keep her away from you for most of the day so you wouldn’t get her sick, but that went out the window when you were assigned to patrol with her.

She was a clingy lover, in private. So she loved to kiss you, and do whatever she wanted with you, especially when you two shared the same shop.

You tried to tell her about your sore throat and your stuffed up nose, but she kept telling you she didn’t care, and kept kissing you anyway.

You bet she was starting to think that wasn’t such a good idea, now that you’d both woken up with hoarse voices and weren’t able to get out of bed.

You didn’t mind Angela being sick, though, because her sick voice was almost as hot as her morning voice.

The two of you were going to spend the day taking care of each other, and you wouldn’t want it any other way.

It was hard, but the two of you did eventually drag yourselves out of the bed, and onto the couch.

You’d called your best friend at the station, Lucy, to bring you and your girlfriend some soup, which you knew would lead to a whole basket.

But that was better than nothing at all.

Her and Tim had brought in some ginger ale, as well as the soup, and of course a get well soon basket from Lucy!

You and Angela laughed, and agreed not to eat anything in the basket once the two had left your shared home.

“Oh, I love you,” Angela lay on top of you, turning the channel to a true crime documentary, because that’s what the two of you truly loved to do together.

“I love you, too, Ange,” You kiss the top of her head.

“Ugh, I feel so gross,” Angela buries her face in your chest.

“Me too, baby, me too,” You let out a sigh. “We can take a shower—“

“Mm, no,” Angela’s voice is muffled by your sweatshirt in her face. “I just want you to hold me.”

“That, I can do,” You chuckle.

“I’m so tired,” Angela cries.

“Me too. Think we can con Grey into giving us another day?”

“Maybe if we’re throwing up..” Angela trails off, lifting her head. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That I pretend to throw up while you call Sergeant Grey? Yes! It’s amazing, and I love you for being so smart,” You smile and tuck a piece of Angela’s hair behind her ear. You pull her into a small kiss, which turns into to more. But you stop before it can go too far, afraid that might actually provoke the bodily fluids.

When you both pull away you both realize Angelas phone is still in the bedroom.

“I’ll go get it,” Angela sighs and stands, temporarily losing her balance, to which you help her stand.

“Don’t need you falling for anyone else,” You cheekily joke, helping her sit back down for a moment.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Angela rubs her hand down your face, caressing your cheek with her thumb. “I think you made it pretty clear I was yours when you told Jackson to, and I quote, ‘find another t.o. to fuck with’.”

You dip your head into your chest, your cheeks aflame as you laugh at one of your worst decisions, ever.

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Never,” Angela looks at you with more love in her eyes than ever. “I can’t lie, it was hot. The best part was when you pulled me into that kiss. That was the best first kiss ever.”

“Oh, you know it,” You shrug. “It was still embarrassing. How did I not know he was gay? I mean, I’m gay myself. Gosh.”

Angela laughs, shaking her head at you.

“I loved when Grey shouted ‘It’s about damn time’ from the stairs,” You laughed along with her.

“No, the best part was when Tim added, ‘At least take her to dinner before you maul her in the kit hallway’,” The two of you started dying laughing.

“Ah, we’re gonna have to tell that story at our wedding,” Angela says, only half joking.

She leaves a small kiss on your forehead and goes to find her phone.

You were definitely proposing soon.

[milkywaygalaxygurl]

Training Wheels - Coriolanus Snow

Hello everyone! First fic I'm posting in years and it's about the.. lovely? Coriolanus Snow! He will be very OOC in this fic because I struggle with writing dark characters so I apologize for that lol but I hope you guys enjoy!

Pairing: OOC!Coriolanus Snow x Female!Reader

Warnings: slight angst?, Coriolanus Snow (yes he deserves a warning even tho he’s nice in this fic lol), everything in BOSAS didn’t happen (sorry not sorry lol), slight hinting towards reader’s mother being mean?, reader gets hurt in a flashback, umm if i missed anything lmk!

Word Count: 1.4k

Inspired by Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez! Reader and Coriolanus have been friends since they were young and have had a “Will they/Won't they?” relationship since they were young teenagers. Everyone knows they’re madly in love with each other and at times it seems they know it too, but nothing ever comes of it. They’ve gone on dates and shared kisses, but have never gone further than that. Reader is tired of the dynamic they’ve built, but Coriolanus wants to continue doing what they’ve been doing for years.

I explode, I explode

Askin' you where you want us to go

This wasn’t the first time you had gotten frustrated with Coriolanus about your relationship, or lack thereof, after he had kissed you. When whatever this was had started you kept your mouth clamped shut about your frustrations, but now that it had been going on for years you couldn’t keep yourself from getting upset with your best friend.

“Where exactly do you plan on this going, Coryo? You kiss me and take me on dates sometimes, but other times I’m just your best friend! We’ve been doing this since we were fifteen!” You are seated on his bed while he paces the room, running his hands through his hair in a frustrated manner. He had very quickly pulled himself away from you the second you had decided to bring up the subject he seems to hate.

“I don’t know, (Y/N). Can’t you just be happy with this?” Coriolanus looks up at you as you scoff, shaking your head.

It's not like I'm askin' to be your wife

I wanna make you mine, but that's hard to say

Is this comin' off in a cheesy way?

“I was fine with it when I was fifteen because at least you were giving me something, but we’re eighteen now! I should be building a relationship with someone, but instead I’m stuck doing this back and forth with you!” You try not to sound harsh, to sound mean, but everything about this whole situation was frustrating you. Coriolanus stays silent, but he stops pacing to stare down at his feet.

“I’m not asking you to marry me, Coryo! I just want to know what you want to do, we can’t keep wasting each other’s time doing this!” You gesture between you two wildly, your hand dropping when he looks up at you. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again before a sound comes out.

“I just.. I just want to be yours, Coriolanus. Is that too much to ask? I know this is cheesy and cliche, but..” You trail off, trying to find the words to perfectly describe how you feel. This was the first time you had ever stated that you want to be his, you had always managed to tiptoe around the statement despite making it obvious what you wanted whenever you spoke your frustrations.

I love everything you do

When you call me fuckin' dumb for the stupid shit I do

“I’ve been in love with you since I was fourteen. I think it was longer, but I didn’t realize it until you yelled at me that one time for being stupid and getting myself hurt.” You chuckle, looking down at your hands in your lap.

Nobody had expected you to actually do it when Arachne dared you, but you were young and desperate to prove yourself to your peers. Normally Coriolanus would have been there and put an end to the situation immediately, but he had been caught up talking to a teacher today. As a result, you found yourself climbing up one of the pillars of The Academy building. You were actually doing good, you had managed to find a way to pull yourself up the round pillar and made it about halfway up before you heard Coriolanus’ voice.

“What are you doing, (Y/N)?!” He called up to you, his tone worried and frustrated. It made you jump and lose your grip on the pillar, sending you flying towards the ground. Everyone laughs when you smack the ground, but Coriolanus jumps forward to help you while telling the others to make themselves scarce. Your satchel had cushioned the fall, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. You thankfully had landed in a way that you didn’t hit your head, but your tailbone took the brunt of the landing. Coriolanus knew it hurt from the way tears slid down your cheeks, he hadn’t seen you cry from getting hurt since you guys were eight years old.

“What were you thinking, (Y/N)?! How dumb can you be?!” Coriolanus voice was harsh, but his hands were gentle as he checked your legs and hands for scrapes. When he was sure you didn’t have any life threatening injuries, he sighed in relief and carefully pulled you into his lap.

“It hurts so bad!” You sob, latching on to Coriolanus. He shushes you, rubbing your back and rocking you as if you were a child. He had learned to comfort you when you guys were young, doing his best to emulate the way his mother had comforted him when she was still alive. He had witnessed the way your mother pushed you away every single time you sought comfort and decided he’d do his best to be there whenever you needed it.

“I realized that nobody had ever cared about me like that, you were the only person in my life to immediately come to me when I was hurt. Even when you called me dumb, you were still gentle with me and made sure I was alright. After that, I began to fall in love with all the things you did.” You smile at Coriolanus, looking up from your hands so you could see his face. His expression had softened, his lips upturned in a small smile. He’s quiet for a moment before he speaks softly, moving to sit next to you on the bed.

“I think that was the moment I realized I loved you way more than a friend should.” Your breath catches in your throat at his words, it feels as if your whole body just malfunctioned if you’re being completely honest. He reaches for your hand and you quickly return the favor, entwining your fingers.

“I wanted to keep doing what we’ve been doing because I’m scared if we make it official, there might come a day where it ends and I lose you. I wouldn’t know what to do without you, you’re the only person besides Tigris and Grandma’am who I’ve let know the real me.” His other hand comes up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his eyes flitting across your features. You smile softly at him, taking your hand out of his to cup his face.

“You could never lose me, Coryo. I love you too much to not be in your life, even if we do make it official and it happens to end I could never just stop being apart of your life. Which, by the way, I very much doubt we would break up because we’ve loved each other for this long without any problems.” You giggle and Coriolanus chuckles, shaking his head. You run your thumbs across his cheeks, trying to convey all the love you can into that simple gesture. He reaches up to hold one of your wrists, rubbing the back of your hand softly as he closes his eyes to bask in the moment.

After a moment, he takes your hands from his face and holds them tightly in his own. “I’m sorry I’ve made you wait so long for this, but at least I’m asking now.” You both laugh and tears spring to your eyes from excitement. You felt silly crying over this, but you’d always been one to cry whenever you were happy.

“Will you be my girlfriend, (Y/N)?” Coriolanus barely gets the words out before you’re tackling him in a tight hug, causing him to fall back on his bed. You both shake with laughter and Coriolanus wraps his arms around you, kissing the side of your head.

“I take that as a yes?” He chuckles and you pull back, smiling brightly. Coriolanus takes a moment to study your features, a lovesick look in his eyes and a small blush adorning his cheeks. The look on your face mirrors his, your lips split into a wide smile and your eyes so full of love.

“I would love to be your girlfriend, Coryo.” Just as you finish speaking he’s pulling you down into a kiss. The kiss is different than any other kiss you’ve ever shared, all the unspoken love and affection built up over the years spilling into it.

“Finally, you two! I thought I was going to be Grandma’am’s age by the time you two confessed!” Tigris’ voice from the doorway causes you two to separate, all three of you falling into a fit of giggles.

[necroromantics]

🧺 —Laundry And Taxes

chapter 6. // (masterlist)

Toby woke up the next morning to a distant sound of something sizzling coming from the kitchen, accompanied by the song of the wildlife outside of his window. It was a cloudy day, the bright blue skies were hidden behind a sheet of gray. On these days, Toby had a particularly difficult time dragging himself out of bed. He didn’t want to talk to anybody, and he didn’t want to do anything. The boys tired, heavy eyes stared up at the ceiling. There was water damage which stained along the edges - it reminded him of the motel room back in Alabama. Toby caught himself toying with the idea of his past again, as if there was a secret to getting back to how everything used to be that was dangling in front of him. It taunted him like a piece of fresh meat to a hungry dog. His body slowly raised to a sitting position on his ragged and torn mattress, as he forced himself out of bed. As he shuffled out of his room, he felt as though there were weights tied to him, dragging him down.

The boy lingered outside of the kitchen, watching Jack as he cooked eggs on the stove. The smell filled the air of the open room, making Toby’s stomach growl as he breathed it in.

“I don’t have any bacon, so I hope you’re fine with only eggs and toast,” Jack spoke, without once looking up from his handiwork cooking slowly on the pan.

“No bacon for breakfast? You’re a freak of nature,” Toby teased back, making his way to the fridge to see what there was to drink. As there was no working power in the cabin, everything was cooled with ice. The way Jack lived was something very familiar to Toby. His small, old, isolated cabin in the woods felt more like home to the boy than when he was in the house he was raised in.

“No bacon. I don’t eat meat.”

“That's ironic,” Toby chuckled to himself, taking out a jug of milk and glancing over to the other. Guilt dripped down Jack's face as thick as tar, it screamed out from his dark brown eyes. It looked as though it was choking him. Toby couldn’t help but stare, before he realized. That guilt, the sickness Jack felt when he ate meat, the fact he couldn’t even bring himself to cook bacon for breakfast, or be around other humans, because of what he had done. All of those things, the guttural remorse, were exactly what made Jack so human, even when he was a monster, and it was everything Toby himself had lacked.

Toby had never felt bad for the things he had done, he never cared about anybody but himself. Nothing mattered to him, not even himself. It was a dog eat dog world, every man for himself. Toby had no intention of letting himself be as weak as to care about such unimportant things. If anything, Jack’s guilt was only a hindrance. It annoyed Toby, almost to the point of rage. ‘Bacon tastes good’, Toby thought to himself, ‘I’m not going to change my diet just because Jack is a pussy’.

Toby poured the milk into a glass, watching Jack finish the last of the eggs. Sunny side up, two slices of toast on the side. No bacon.

“So what? Are you vegetarian now? No meat at all, or just bacon?”

“Yes, I’m sticking to a vegetarian diet now. I can’t bring myself to eat any kinds of meat.”

“I heard human flesh tastes like chicken. Does bacon have the same kick or what?”

Jack ignored the question as he placed the sizzling eggs onto the plate next to him, and handed it to the pestering boy. The man took his own plate and left to eat on the front porch. Toby followed behind him, walking out into the cool open air of autumn. The two sat in silence as they ate their meals. It was a calm, still, sort of silence. Jack was always a quiet man, he never dared to say too much.

“You lucked out with this cabin,” Toby spoke through a full mouth as he gulped down his breakfast. Jack nodded in agreement.

“Back home, yknow in the other world, I had a cabin like this. I uh, I actually shared it with Natalie. Sort of,” The boy rambled to himself, as Jack sat silent looking at Toby, who always seemed to struggle to find the words he wanted to speak.

“Do you miss her?” Jack finally said, after a moment of watching the other pathetically grasp at an excuse to talk about the girl.

“Nat? Why would I miss her? She was a bitch.”

“I thought you two were friends, no?”

“Well, yeah, I guess. That's why we shared a cabin, it was our place to meet up,” Toby smiled to himself as words began to fall from his mouth, “I remember all the times she’d get pissed at me, or I’d get pissed at her, and we’d start going nuts. Throwing things, breaking glass. Man I can’t fucking count how many holes in the wall from my hatchets there were in that cabin. And don’t get me started on all the times she’d storm out, and I’d see her again the next day. Talk about crazy.”

“I’m sure you’ll see her again someday, Toby.”

“I hope not.”

Jack raised an eyebrow at the boy's rejection. He could tell that the girl was important to him, he saw the way his face beamed when he thought about her, he saw the way his body eased away from the tension he always held onto so tightly. The sun had never shone so brightly.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, she was cool. But it would just be awkward, and I don’t think she wants anything to do with me.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know man. I guess it’s like… She spent so long trying to get away from me. It felt like every time I saw her, it ended with me angry, and her leaving. If she is in this world, I can only picture her happy alone.”

Jack was easy to talk to. He was an active listener of sorts, he was the type of person who never judged or shamed. Someone to trust, something solid to lean on. Toby found solace in the company of the man, a type of friendship he had never known. The monster man and the feral mutt. It was a running joke in the old world that Jack was Toby’s babysitter, and everybody would tease and ask how Jack could tolerate that troublemaker like he did. Only Jack saw the moments in the boy when the violence dripped away, and humanity seeped out from the callouses in his aching hands, and ducts of his desensitized eyes. The man kept this image of the reckless, callous boy in his mind, so close to his heart, it always shocked him when he heard the boy speak about himself as if he weren’t anything but a weapon. Because Jack knew, more than anyone, that humanity was found on mornings like these, while listening to a boy like Toby talk about a girl with his thumbs twiddling, and his eyes fixed to the ground. That image of Toby sitting there, cracking his chest open to the one person he could ever begin to trust, scrambling to find the right words to describe how it feels. That, to Jack, was what it meant to be human.

Later in the afternoon, Jack had decided to take Toby along on a walk. He said there was a place deep in the woods that he wanted to show him. Without having anything better to do, Toby followed closely behind the man as he led the boy through a hidden path winding between the tall trees that stood over them. The cloudy skies had begun to part, revealing a soft blue from behind the gray blanket, and a bright light peeked out, gleaming through the ceiling of orange and yellow autumn leaves that branched overhead. The overgrowth cracked and crinkled beneath their feet as the two continued through the nature, taking in all of the earth's beauty.

As the two men walked along the dirt path, Toby found himself picking at the tall evergreen trees that mixed in with the oak. When Jack questioned him about it, Toby shook his head.

“Natalie hated flowers mostly. But I remembered how much she loved evergreen trees. She always smelt like pine needles.”

He picked off another needle and flicked it onto the ground as he walked past, jogging ahead of Jack.

“I hated the smell,” Toby insisted as he shoved his hands into his sweater pocket.

Jack quickened his pace to catch up with the boy who was now huffing to himself in disdain. It seemed as though the more time that had passed, the more thoughts of that cruel girl filled the boy's mind. He wished to be able to forget about her, and he didn’t understand why.

“Do you still carry your hatchets with you?” Jack questioned.

Toby slowed down, glancing awkwardly over at the other like a bad dog.

“Uh, just one, why?”

“Why don’t you come out here some day and chop wood for the stove? You can put your skills to use.”

The boy thought about it for a moment. He had rarely ever used his hatchets for their intended purpose back home, he knew how to split skulls, not wood.

“I guess if I need to. But I’m trying to keep it sharp in case I need to… Yknow,” Toby said, dragging his thumb over his throat in a slitting motion and grimacing.

“Why would you need to kill anybody here?”

“You never know!”

Toby ran off ahead, hitting at tree leaves as he hopped along the path, occasionally glancing back to make sure Jack was keeping up. He would jump onto fallen logs, and climb branches. He seemed to have much more energy than he had in the morning, and much more restless. Jack smiled to himself at the sight of the boy carelessly fooling around in the woods, it was a nice sight to see. A teenage boy being something more than a cold-hearted weapon. It seemed as though, for a moment, Toby had reclaimed his innocence.

Jack led Toby off the path, and through untouched land, pushing past the growth and out into an open field. The two stood on top of a large, towering cliff which looked out over a twisting valley. The brilliant warmth of the sun beamed down, the skies were now clear and blue, the fall trees swayed gently. The wide green earth sprawled from the tall hill the men looked out from. It was magnificent, beautiful. Standing there on that peak, everything beyond seemed so small. They were on top of the world. The forest below lived on with orange and yellow hues, like a sea of rust. The sky appeared endless as it draped overhead.

For a moment, as he stared out at all of the grand radiance, Toby lost his breath. The colors were vibrant, and the sounds of the wildlife around him sang symphonies of nature. He had never witnessed anything like it before. The forest back in the old world was dim, dark, devoid of animation. He resided for so long in a place where life was something to be taken, and as he stood out over the sea of mother earth, in all of her vast entirety, he felt his chest sink into his stomach.

He took a deep breath in of the crisp, clean air. A light breeze swayed past him. And in one sharp exhale, Toby hollered out, and threw his arms up. He stood there, atop the hill, laughing and shouting out in victory. He looked over at Jack with a big smile plastered on his face, and Jack smiled back. There was a fire in his eyes, and he was so young. Toby grabbed Jack’s arm, and lifted it up with his, as he continued to shout out. Soon, Jack joined him.

The pair screamed their lungs raw as they laughed at the beauty beyond them. On that late afternoon, in the midst of that forest, on top of that hill, they were alive. It was horrific, and it was painful, and it was terrible, but they were alive, and they were more human than they had ever been before.

Finally losing his breath, Toby fell back, and laid chuckling to himself through heavy inhales and exhales, his back pressing into the meadow beneath him. Jack quickly joined him, and took a seat next to the boy, both catching their spent breath, smiling widely to themselves.

“That… That’s how I want to feel, every day of my life,” Toby panted.

“It’s wonderful.”

“I just need to work harder, do more. I think I’ll take your advice and put my hatchet skills to use.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it,” Jack said, smiling to himself that for once, Toby had actually listened to the words Jack so often preached.

A few days had passed, and October had come rushing in. Toby had begun going off on his own for hours on end. Jack never knew what the boy was up to, and he knew better than to ask. The man always did his best not to push Toby too much, worried that he might push back harder if he did. But there were nights when the boy would stumble back into the cabin, dirt crusting his jeans, and his eyes fixed into a glare. Jack would always warn the careless other not to push his body past its limits. Toby never listened.

“Be careful not to overwork yourself, Toby.”

“Hop off my ass.”

Toby pushed past the man, and placed his hatchet down onto the kitchen table. His hands were calloused, dirty. He never brought back wood.

“You need to let yourself rest at some point,” Jack suggested, looming over Toby.

“No, I need to work harder. I need to do more. Make all of this shit amount to something.”

“You talk like you’re fighting for a badge that says you deserve to live. You do not need to earn your place in this world, Toby. You’re going to hurt yourself pushing your body like this.”

Toby slammed his hands onto the surface of the table as he turned around to face the man standing behind him.

“I don’t give a fuck what happens to me, Jack. I don’t care if I’m overworking myself, I don’t care if I’m pushing myself too far. Get it through your thick fucking skull that I don’t care!”

Toby gritted his teeth and dusted the mud off of his clothes, before heading off into his room. There was a deep feeling of indifference to his existence, as if he had done far too much to have a place in the world. He was left with no choice but to continue fighting. If he couldn’t do that much, then what was to become of him? He couldn’t let that flame expire, he was hungry for revenge, to prove everyone wrong. He wanted to prove that he, too, deserved a spot in the colosseum of the living.

Jack couldn’t seem to get it through to the stubborn boy that he didn’t need to destroy himself to live. He couldn’t get him to relax. There was lightning in his eyes, it sparked from his tongue as he shouted, and it was in Jack’s best interest to stay out of his way.

The next morning, Toby stood out at the edge of the forest, swinging at a log, as Jack watched from the front porch sipping a cup of tea. Despite his handiwork with his hatchet, and how he gripped it as if he knew what he was doing, Toby couldn’t seem to chop wood in any way that worked. It felt sloppy, like he was missing the mark. Shouting out in frustration, Toby threw his hatchet down to the ground and kicked at the log, which prompted Jack to stand up, and walk over to the temperamental boy.

“You said I had skill! I can’t even fucking chop this log in half,” The boy complained.

“What do you envision when you swing your hatchet down?”

“Well I just go at it like I’m chopping off some heads.”

“There’s your issue, Toby. This is wood, not a neck. Different situations require different responses. You have a lot of skill with that hatchet of yours, but you use it as a weapon, not as a tool.”

Jack bent down, picking up the tool off the ground and handed it back to Toby who had anger worn on his face like a party mask.

“Try again.”

Toby glared daggers at Jack as he reeled back his hatchet as far as he could, before throwing it hard at a tree, and past Jack. There was a loud thud as it hit the bark, sticking out from the oak. Toby mouthed off silently at Jack as he kicked dirt and stormed off into the forest. Jack sighed to himself at the difficult situation, and went to pull out the tool which was lodged into a tree behind him.

Mid October had soon rolled in, and the woods had now turned into a decaying orange rust, leaves had begun to pile up onto the forest grounds. The nights had gotten longer, and Toby’s attitude and defiance hadn’t seemed to improve. He had begun to get restless, often attempting to start petty disputes with Jack, in which Jack never bothered to entertain. The man was very collected and calm, he never lost control over himself. It was a skill he had learnt as a demon, in all those fights against himself. Toby, on the other hand, often lost himself to dramatics and pride. Everything was a battle to him, and he needed to come out on top.

Toby had returned back late into the evening, as he typically did. Jack was standing in the kitchen, reading silently to himself, the light of candles illuminating the dark cabin. It was a quiet night.

Not looking up from his book he was immersed in, Jack took a breath in, smelling a strange fragrance. He felt sick to his stomach as the putrid, metallic scent strangled his nostrils. Lifting his head up towards the smell, he watched as Toby dropped a dead rabbit at his feet. The two stood silently, both looking down at the carcass which Toby had brought home, the blood of the animal staining his hands. The boy eyed the man's expression, which showed nothing but indifference. Jack remained quiet.

“Just thought I’d bring home some supper,” Toby spoke out, nudging the animal with his muddy shoe.

Jack looked up at the boy, before turning back to his book.

“You shouldn’t make messes that you aren’t willing to clean up,” Jack responded softly, flipping through the pages to find where he had left off.

Frustrated at the lack of response once again, Toby rolled his eyes and left for his bedroom, hatchet gripped in his bloody hand.

Once the boy had made his leave, Jack exhaled deeply, as if he had been holding his breath. He looked down at the decaying corpse at his feet once more, before picking it up by the ears, and bringing it outside. Jack placed it under a tall oak tree that stood on the edge of the forest surrounding his cabin, letting nature take care of the rabbit. He entered back into the house, and washed off his hands, before heading to Toby’s room. He knocked gently on the door, waiting for approval that it was alright to come in. There was only the sound of awkward shuffling for a moment.

“Come in,” Toby called out, prompting Jack to open the door, closing it behind him.

“Tomorrow I’m going into a nearby town. We need more ice, and food.”

“Get some more orange juice, maybe some peaches,” Toby requested as he laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

“You should come with me. We can stop by a local church,” Jack suggested, making Toby groan and sit up.

“Church? Seriously? Why the fuck would you of all people want to go to church?”

“Because, Toby, sometimes people need something bigger than themselves to look towards.”

“And that's supposed to make us feel better? Some random fucker in the sky saying we need to kiss his ass in order to be free of everything we don’t feel like carrying?”

“I’m not asking you to devote yourself, but it does help act as a guidance. To help you understand that you can let everything go, with no strings attached. You can give back what you’ve taken, and make your peace with the world.”

“Maybe try asking the world to make peace with me first,” Toby muttered to himself as he ran one of his hands over his other one, the rabbit's blood still stained into his skin.

“God can forgive you for the sins you’ve committed.”

Jack was never a religious man. He was brought to church every Sunday as a child, which ended up with him in college, where he wouldn’t have touched a Bible even if asked to. But Jack spent so much time alone, bastardized, demonized, he knew nothing else but to cling to the idea of retribution and begging to a God he was terrified of. He had spent too much time as a not-man who couldn’t kneel in church.

“I can’t imagine anyone would forgive me for what I’ve done.”

“I do. I forgive you,” Jack said. Toby scoffed.

“Don’t bother.”

The air grew heavy with tension. The fire and the deep sea.

“I know what it’s like to kill somebody, Toby. I know how heavy that burden is.”

“You don’t know shit,” Toby lowered his voice, his eyes darkened. Something of a warning for Jack to watch his mouth.

“It seems we always come back to these pointless conversations,” Jack sighed.

“Yeah? Well maybe say something useful. Preach some bullshit that actually fucking helps me for once.”

“You know, Toby. There is nothing I can say to help you. I realize that now.”

Toby’s chest tightened, he stood up face to face with Jack, his brow furrowed.

“You gonna just drop me off somewhere else like Tim and Brian did now too?”

“That’s not what I’m saying-”

“Oh really? No, you’re just saying that I’m helpless, right? That nothing is going to ever get better? Is… Is any of this ever going to go away?” Toby’s voice cracked as he choked back all the things he wanted to shout out.

“There is no big epiphany or deep conversations that can fix this for you. You need to take steps every day to learn how to do better for yourself, and I can’t take those steps for you, and I can’t make you do anything. I wish you would help yourself, but I see you make the choice every day to ruin yourself.”

“I don’t know how to fucking help myself!”

“You learn.”

“I’m sick of learning and I’m sick of this and I’m sick of you. I should’ve left as soon as I got here,” Toby spoke loudly, grabbing all of his things scattered around his room, and packing them into his backpack. Jack watched as the boy desperately grasped at straws. He knew better than anybody that he couldn’t save Toby, that he could only watch as he crashed and burned. There was nothing anyone could do for him, but gather around and look up to the sky as they watched his wax wings melt. Dread built in Jack’s weary heart. The terrible sight, seeing the beeswax drip away, as Toby recklessly disregarded his own limits, and the limits of everyone around him. He pushed and pushed, and Jack had no choice but to witness Toby wear himself down.

Throwing his backpack over his shoulder, he pushed past Jack, sniffling to himself as he held his hatchet tightly in his hand. Without another word, the furious boy stormed out of the cabin and into the night, as Jack silently watched. It was a quiet mid-October night, and the stars were dimmer than usual in the brooding dark sky. The waning crescent barely illuminated the gravel road. The silhouette of the boy was quickly engulfed by the dark abyss he walked out into.

Jack sighed to himself, once again in his lonesome company, and made his way back into his cabin. He repeated to himself that there was nothing more he could’ve done, but the guilt consumed him. His old friend had been right once again - it was his own mind that would be the death of Jack. The man climbed into his creaky, old bed, and tried not to think too much. He prayed for the first time in a long time that night.

[castawaycat]

The Tales of a Little Tiger: Chapter 19- Finding Home Again

Summary: Wanda and Natasha struggle with themselves while they deal with you still missing from their lives.

It had been two weeks since you had disappeared and your mama’s were not faring well. Natasha had turned into a raging mama bear. She had busied herself with doing side missions which was damaging to her relationship with Wanda.

Wanda had locked herself in her room searching through timelines trying to find you through thousands of alternate timelines. It was painful to see versions of herself with her boys, Tommy and Billy. It was also painful to see Vision. Sure, she absolutely loved Natasha; but her and Vision had a special bond and she once loved him. Tears streamed down her face as she heard her boys laughing, she constantly had to remind herself that having her boys was not meant to be in her timeline and that the mission was to find you and bring you home.

Everyone on the team was worried about you and your mama’s. Alexei and Melina had tried to offer comfort to Natasha and Wanda, but both women were stubborn in handling your disappearance.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You need to get through to Wanda. She hasn’t come out of her room in two weeks. I know you’re hurting; but Wanda is also hurting. She must feel that she has no family. Nat, please don’t let this bring you two apart. Y/n will need both of her mama’s.” Yelena said as she walked beside her sister. They had just returned from a mission.

Natasha sighed as she bit her lip. She knew her sister was right… She was being stubborn and it was hurting the woman that she loved. It was just easier for her to ignore everything and fight bad guys to get out her frustration and panic. “You’re right, sestra. It’s just when I see her… I don’t know how to comfort her or be enough for her. Without y/n here it’s just so hard.” Natasha clenched her fists as she tried to stop her tears from spilling over. “I’m so fucking tired of crying! I just want to find my baby!” Before she could stop herself she had sunk down to her knees and sobs wracked through her small frame.

Yelena dropped down to her knees and pulled her sister into her arms and began to hum a soothing tune that Melina had hummed to them when they were children. “We will find her sestra. I have faith that y/n will be back with us.”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Natasha used the key Wanda had given her and walked into Wanda’s room. Her heart broke when she saw how thin, tired and weak her girlfriend looked. Wanda was glowing red with her eyes closed while she sat in the middle of her bed. She approached slowly and whispered, “Wanda. Can you hear me?”

Wanda’s eyes opened and she turned to Natasha surprised to see that she was actually talking to her. Her lips trembled as the weight of everything was starting to affect her. Her eyes were bloodshot red and she had dropped a ton of weight from not eating, bags were under her eyes and her hair was messy. “I thought… I thought you had left me.”

The red glow of chaos magic dwindled down to nothing as Wanda began to sob. “I thought I had lost you too.”

Natasha climbed on the bed and pulled Wanda into her arms and kissed the top of her head, “I’m so sorry. I would never intentionally leave you. I just didn’t want you to see me so angry… I hurt the people I love when I’m angry and scared. And I’m not angry at you… I’m angry at myself because I should have grabbed her… but I wasn’t fast enough. And I’m angry at myself for leaving you alone… you’ve lost a family before and I can’t imagine how you felt with me gone as well and I’m sorry.”

Wanda clung to Nat as she listened to the woman she loved express her emotions and reasons for leaving her alone. It didn’t make the pain go away, but she understood where Nat was coming from. She had pushed everyone away as well and had avoided her own needs. In her mind she was just so focused on finding you that avoiding meals was like a punishment for her not being able to save you.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away… and everyone else. I just got obsessed with locating y/n. I think I’m close but I just don’t know.” Wanda leaned her head on Nat’s chest and focused on her heartbeat. The strong rhythm was comforting.

“Come, let’s go see everyone and get something to eat. We need to all work together in order to find y/n. From now on let’s come together instead of handling our emotions without each other. I love you, Wanda. We’re going to get our baby girl back.” Nat said as she helped Wanda out of bed.

The whole team stood up and hugged Natasha and Wanda as the two walked into the lounge room. Alexei and Melina were the first to hug the women. “My girls are finally together!” Alexei said as he squeezed them tightly. —---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wanda tried everything she could to try to comfort you but you would not stop crying. “What is it, little one? Do you miss your mama?” Wanda asked as she tried to console you. Your cries were breaking her heart.

You missed your mama’s and you wanted them back but didn’t know how. You started to think about your mama Wanda and your mama Nat and your little hands started to glow blue.

Wanda’s eyes grew big as she felt really strong powers coming from you. Before she could call for Vision a giant portal opened up in front of her.

America ran into the room at the sound of a portal opening up. “That looks like the portal we came through! I knew it wasn’t my power that opened it last time.”

As your hands glowed blue you could see your mama’s through the portal and it made you happy. “Mama!” You squealed happily.

Vision gave a knowing look to his wife, “I think this little one has decided it’s time for her to go home.”

“What! But how do we know that she will make it home? She’s just a baby… I don’t want to just shove her through the portal alone!” Wanda shouted as she felt protective over you.

“I’ll go with her. I’ll make sure she gets home safe.” America said bravely as she reached her arms out to you.

“America, you don’t have to put your life in danger, you could stay here with us.” Wanda said as she felt protective of her as well. She felt torn.

America felt warmth at hearing that Wanda wanted her to stay and live with them. It was a hard choice; but she knew what she needed to do. “I know what it’s like to lose my parents… no one should go through that pain. Thank you for loving us and keeping us safe.”

Wanda and Vision both hugged America tightly before placing you in her arms. “Please take care and please be safe.”

America took a deep breath before stepping into the portal with you in her arms.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A giant blue portal opened up in front of all the Avengers including your mama’s. Everyone was arguing about who was going to go inside and investigate it.

Before Nat could walk near the portal she started to see someone coming out of the portal, she squinted her eyes to see if she could make out who or what was coming through.

America clutched you to her chest tightly as she finally made it through the portal, she felt scared as she looked around and saw several people watching her.

“Oh god it’s y/n! She’s back, our baby is back!” Wanda said as she walked up fast to the girl that was holding you. She didn’t know who the girl was, but she was just happy to see you alive and safe.

America tilted her head at realizing that the woman in front of her was a different version of the Wanda she had just said goodbye to. She didn’t know if she could trust this version of Wanda so she stepped away from the woman and clutched you tighter in her arms. “Please don’t hurt us.”

Wanda and Nat both softened their gaze as they eyed the young girl holding you. Nat got down to the girl’s level, “we’re not going to hurt anyone. The baby that you’re holding is our baby. Her name is y/n.”

You perked up when you heard your mama say your name and you made grabby hands towards them.

The girl looked down at you and then to the two women that looked relieved to see you. It was the same look her mothers had made when they saw that she was safe. She took a deep breath before handing you over to them.

Wanda and Natasha took you into their arms and began kissing you and hugging you. You made happy noises as you babbled to them. Everyone joined in on the celebration of you being reunited with your parents.

America stepped aside feeling overwhelmed by everything, she missed her moms and she missed the other Wanda and now that you were back home… she wondered where home would be for her.

[luveline]

hi jade! i think your concerns about the way people are treating you are completely valid!! you are allowed to speak up and say actually people aren’t being that nice to me and it isn’t victim mentality, the people we’re surrounded by have serious effects on us as humans because we’re social creatures and have always depended on one another so when the people around us make us feel bad and like there’s something wrong with us your brain convinces you that there must be!!! but there isn’t, you’re just not with the right people! but don’t worry they’ll come; you have to trust the universe she will always provide for you.

i think life’s stressful at the minute, i’m feeling it too! the job market in the UK is so so difficult and being unemployed is a real kick in the teeth, being at the age where all your friends are off dating but you’re not and you’re not even sure you want to is really isolating because you know your friends don’t want to see you as much because there’s someone else for them now, they get to go home to someone and you don’t, i’ve been following you for a while because i like your work but also because you make me feel less alone, a lot of the problems you face i also face, you post complaints and worry they’re annoying but i read them and know the world isn’t as small or as dark as my room, that i’m not completely alone even in my isolation- and i want you to know that the way people treat you isn’t fair! you deserve the kindness and joy you put out, you deserve it ten fold! you’ll get it one day i promise, i think continuing in an environment that’s hard for you is a very brave thing to do, yoy just have to remember it’s not forever 🫶🏻

I think I’m like, always looking at myself through someone else’s eyes, if that makes sense?

So instead of being able to just say people haven’t been that good to me lately, I read it in someone else’s head and think oh look Jade’s on another ego trip she thinks she deserves more than she has because she’s delusional but honestly, right now, I think so many people have disappointed me, not like they’ve hurt me or that a persons job is to be perfect, and not that we should expect people to be perfect and never disappoint us because I really don’t think that and don’t think we should expect people to read our minds and always be their perfect selves, but oh my god! Oh my god I am so tired of people acting like there’s nothing wrong with me when I am constantly telling people I am not okay. Obvi this doesn’t apply to everyone in my life because some people of course don’t even know how I feel and that’s my choice because like I’m vaguely private as a person (you wouldn’t think so on luveline.tumblr) so I’m not saying every person in my life is letting me down, but a surprising selection of friends and family have really hurt me lately. It’s so complicated! I hope you’re getting a sense of what I’m saying cos I am not doing a good job. I sent a friend a message recently about how I’d felt like hurting myself (they’ve told me in the past it’s okay to bring up btw I promise I’m not just randomly saying such heavy things to friends) and they didn’t acknowledge it, and I know we can’t expect people to be at our beck and call or to always have the capacity for our hurts and pains, but I felt so ashamed of myself for opening up and just wished they’d said hey I don’t have the space for that right now, or anything. Maybe that’s silly. I don’t hold it against them because that’s a big thing to tell someone, but I really can’t help feeling hurt that it was ignored. I don’t want to be that person who imposed on friends and doesn’t seem to realise what a burden they are, but I also just don’t know what to do with myself now, because i can’t keep writing the same thing in my diary every day. my head hurts allll the time and I’m barely eating and some days I spend the whole day in bed, and I know that that’s making me bitter, I know that when you get super depressed we can start to hate everything, but I really can’t help thinking that I’m being let down for real

I don’t want you to think that I’m ungrateful for the people in my life though I’m blessed to have a family and to live in a home with no shouting, I’m lucky to have friends who go out and people who want me to be safe and happy, I just feel so lonely lately. Usually I’m pretty good at getting over it, but I can’t kick this. I know exactly what’s hurting me and I’m too afraid to say what it is in case people think I’m childish, or selfish, or ridiculous 😭

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time like you said everything is so hard, but I’m glad you don’t feel so alone, at least my mindless deluge of thoughts (and idiocy) can have a positive! Thank you for listening to me lovely

[rodricksfilipinagf]

Muffins and Morning Sex (Jamie Tartt x Reader)

   “I guess I should get home,” I say.

   Jamie shrugs. “The bed’s already paid for. You can stay. I am.”

   Exhaustion wins out. “Fine. I’m too tired to wait for an Uber.”

   He smiles proudly. “Wore you out, didn’t I? Means I did something right.”

   “I really hate you, you know that?” I say, slipping between the covers.

   Jamie climbs in beside me. “You also think I’m a sex god,” he adds smugly.

   “Fuck off,” I say. “Not that it matters, but that was my first time. It’s not like I have anything else to compare it to…”

   There is a long beat of silence. “You’re fucking joking,” Jamie finally says.

    “No,” I answer.

    “You were a virgin?” Jamie asks in disbelief.

     “Yeah. Don’t worry, I don’t care that it wasn’t special or with someone I loved.” Though wasn’t it special in its own way? Jamie annoys the living fuck out of me, but he also turns me on like no one else. Having sex with him was way better than I thought it was going to be.

      “You could have told me I was taking your virginity.” Jamie sounds annoyed.

      “Why? Would you have been nicer to me?” I ask.

      “Maybe,” Jamie says quietly. “No, probably not.” He clears his throat. “You were great. Really, I couldn’t tell.”

     “Wow, Jamie Tartt giving me a compliment? Has hell frozen over?” I think over what he said. “Wait, so I didn’t suck. And you… does this mean you still have feelings for me?”

      “You mean do I still want to fuck you?” Jamie clarifies. His eyes find their way to mine. “Yeah.”

      My heartbeat decides to pick up the pace. “Me too.”

   “That’s not surprising,” he says, making me roll my eyes.  “I usually don’t want to shag people more than once, so you should count yourself lucky.”

   “Yeah, I’m so lucky that someone who hates my guts wants to fuck me again.”

   Suddenly he’s all up on me. “Don’t pretend you don’t want it as much as I do. Admit it, you wish I was kissing you right now.”

     Since he’s keeping things purely physical, I see no harm in saying, “Maybe.”

    Jamie kisses me and it’s almost…sweet. He wraps an arm around me and doesn’t remove it the entire night. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was actually starting to like me.

    I wake up alone. I look around at the hotel room, wondering if last night was all a dream. If I booked myself this room and had the world’s most elaborate sex dream about Jamie Tartt. I frown and feel something crumpling on my forehead. I pull off a sticky note.

Getting breakfast for us. Prepare for payback for making me shower alone ;)

-               Jamie

   Wow. When he wasn’t there, I assumed he ditched me. Went back home to his apartment and laughed at me expecting to wake up next to him. But he was actually planning to come back? With food? Also that second part is making my pussy all fluttery. He’s antagonizing me like he always does, but he’s also being incredibly flirty…and sexy.

   Oh, God. What if I’m starting to like him? That can’t be it. I just crave his body, that’s it.

I hear his key sliding into the door. I’m still not wearing any clothes. I can’t be blushing when he comes in- I can’t. God, all I want is to feel his body against mine again. He walks in wearing his outfit from the night before, looking just as jaw-droppingly gorgeous, and places a brown paper bag on the table.

     What do I even say? I mull over my options as he takes off his pants, then his underwear. Thanks for bringing me breakfast? Thanks for not leaving? You look just as hot as you did last night and I still want to fuck you? I settle on, “So why didn’t you wake me up if you wanted company in the shower?”

     He instantly straddles me, grabbing at a lock of my hair and playing with it. “Because I wanted to get my revenge on you more.” He winks at me as he pulls the lock hard. “Hope you had sweet dreams, love. I’m about to be your worst nightmare.” His mouth instantly devours mine, and his tongue gives mine hell. He hauls me out of bed and my legs wrap around his hips. He presses me up against the wall, taking the opportunity to squeeze my ass.

      “Who knew torturing you was going to be this fun?” Jamie gloats before thrusting into me hard, over and over and over. He continues at a more rapid pace, making my boobs jiggle up and down uncontrollably. At one point he buries his face in my hastily bouncing cleavage like it was his birthright. Now that he knows where the clit is, he takes pleasure in eliciting shouts from me, all while leaving the biggest, most noticeable hickeys on my neck for me to cover up later. I try my best to dig my nails into his ass but he gives mine a hard pinch in return. His tip excruciatingly runs the length of my clit, making me moan in pleasure.

     After making fun of me for finding it hard to stand, he carries me back to the bed. “When you said I was a sex god, you were right,” he teases.

    “You’re the worst,” I reply.

    He snatches the brown paper bag from the table. “Does that mean you don’t want these?”

   I grasp it out of his hands. “Hand it over, jackass.” I look inside. “Holy crap, are these muffins? They smell fresh-baked!”

    “They are,” he says.

     I can’t help but smile. Who knew Jamie was capable of something so thoughtful.

     “I would have gotten scones, except I hate them, and if you didn’t like them then neither of us would eat them.”

     “Oh no- I don’t get the hype around them…I don’t know, I find them too hard.” As I say this I can see Jamie’s eyes light up slightly. His lips zoom towards mine and my tongue happily licks his. I sigh blissfully. God, he’s so hot. If I could imagine him not being Jamie Tartt, whose mission in life is to make my life miserable, I might actually really like him.

     As he breaks away from me, he exclaims, “Thank you! Someone gets it.”

      A smile works its way across my face. That was so…unexpectedly cute. I take out a blueberry muffin. It’s warm and soft in my mouth. It tastes almost as delicious as Jamie’s kisses.

       Ughhhh, why is he making me fall for him? It’s not fair. He’d never feel the same way about me. He’s made it clear that he only wants me for my body. The only feelings he has for me are sexual ones, and I’m not going to lie, being on the brunt of those is hot as hell. If that’s how Jamie treats someone he despises, he must be…fucking dynamite with someone he loves.

        “Have you ever been in love before?” I ask absently.

        He nearly chokes on his muffin. “Sorry- what?”

        I widen my eyes. “Never mind. Uh….you don’t have to answer that.”

        Jamie swallows. “No. No, I haven’t.” He peers at me curiously. “Why do you ask?”

        Oh, God, now he’s going to think I’m in love with him after one night of sex in which he treated me like garbage… but also made my body feel the most satisfied its ever felt.

        “I was just wondering if you’d treat a girl you were in love with better in bed.”

        He shrugs. “I don’t know. Probably?”

        “You’re not going to ask if I’ve ever been in love?”

        “I don’t care,” Jamie states plainly.

        “That sounds more like you,” I remark.

        “You should finish up,” Jamie says. “I have to get you home.”

        “Awww, you don’t want to spend the day together? I’m hurt,” I say sarcastically. Why did I hope that after one sweet gesture, Jamie might actually morph into someone I could want to be with?

        “Actually, I do,” Jamie says, surprising me. “Just thought you’d want to change first.”

        “Oh.” That is actually really thoughtful. “You actually want to spend time with me?”

        “Thought I’d bully you some more, if that’s okay.” Jamie gives me a sardonic smile.

        “I’m always looking for more reasons to hate you, so…sure… I guess….”