#but i am now medicated + have a right to get accommodations due to autism and add diagnosis + can continue to live at home

[echoesofadream]

should I apply to the psychology program. like for shits and giggles

[sunstonez]

Hey, my name is Valentine and this is my girlfriend Brooke.

We are two disabled nonbinary/trans (I am TME) lesbians, and I'm kindly asking for help to prevent us from collapsing into a pit of debt (again).

Currently we are a sole income household as Brooke cannot work. Truthfully, she acts as a full time carer for me so that I can keep my job as someone with developmental brain damage, autism, and a slew of physical disabilities. (I am currently working from home thanks to my mandated disability accommodations).

I have had to go on short term disability leave from work, as I am involved in a court case which has deeply triggered my PTSD. My accommodations only cover 2 sick days per month, and I missed about 5 in July, and another 5 in August before going on leave (which is paid, thankfully). Due to the missed hours, we are soon to be in the negative.

I am a month behind on my power bill ($150.00). I also have a monthly consumer proposal payment of $200.00 that is withdrawn from my chequing account on the 16th of each month, which I can not afford to have bounce back.

I've canceled needed dental appointments to save money. I've called the food bank to help with saving money. I've asked family, friends, and coworkers for money I can barely afford to pay back.

Additionally, my walker basket broke. The medical equipment company has quoted me $40.00 for a replacement basket, and $29.00 for the shipping. Right now, my walker basket is held together with tape and quickly falling apart. This is an important part of my mobility device, as it allows me to carry things independently when I am outside.

My goal is $430.00 CAD to help us get out of this financial hole/afford a new walker basket, pay back some people who were kind enough to lend me money, and prevent any further unaffordable costs from piling up.

If you have questions, please feel free to reach out to me directly. I'm fairly open.

P*yp*l: p*yp*l.me/hepelva

E-transfer (if you're Canadian): salsamanders@gmail.com

*This is a remake of my previous post which was flagged. Please do not tag this post as d*nati*ns or anything of the like, it flags the post and removes it from view.

Any help is appreciated, thanks so much for reading.

[thinkatoryprocess]

Well, fuck, it's autism acceptance month. Sure. This is long, but I have absolutely no idea where to put a read more. I'm gonna post it and see if it looks like absolute ass on my dash and maybe edit one on. Don't kill me for this.

I'm old enough that I share basically no overlap in experience with people being diagnosed or self-diagnosing now. I was diagnosed autistic in 1988 purely because my expected developmental milestones not only stopped dead but started to go backwards. They immediately tried to put me into an asylum (yes, an asylum), but my mom was not having it. I was poor, but my mom got me to a specialist using some social services, and they pulled some medical fuckery that I still don't understand to this day (something with my diet? I don't understand, but I don't have the medical records) that got me able to communicate verbally and engage with things like self-care again.

I underwent ABA "therapy" for two years, neither of which I remember. I am distinctly certain this traumatized me and likely pinned me with the anxiety disorder I still have. Hey, here's a headline for autism acceptance month! DON'T PUT YOUR CHILDREN IN ABA. I have a horrible feedback loop in my brain where stimming is the best way to make my overstimulation go down, but stimming causes me anxiety due to whatever the hell they did in there, which makes me overstimulated again. I feel like I'm spinning plates trying to keep myself from overheating whenever I try. It's been a slow process getting comfortable with stimming even slightly again in the last few years.

I was very briefly in what we would now call special education but was called, I fuck you not, the "ED" or "emotionally disturbed" class - god, the 90s sucked - but the minute that they realized I was intellectually capable of keeping up with children my age they yanked my autism diagnosis permanently, mainstreamed me, and left me for dead. I didn't get an ounce of special education or a single accommodation after the age of four. I had to be rediagnosed at the age of 17 in my senior year by a guidance counselor (who happened to be a doctoral candidate) in order to get any accommodations or medical acknowledgment of being neurodiverse.

So, really, I'm a relic of an old system. I was developmentally behind my classmates and peers in every way except intellectually, and under the pressure of constant bullying and othering I slowly started to build a mask. Masking socially might seem to be a privilege for some, but mine is a trauma response and not a coping skill. I instinctively keep my mask up at all times, always have, because all signs of my autism were inherent flaws I needed to hide (because I wasn't autistic, right? what else could it be?), and it's still exhausting. In recent years I've tried to drop it with people I trust and try not to mask constantly with people I've just met so that they can accept the real me rather than be surprised when symptoms come out. It's been a process.

I think when it comes to autism acceptance maybe that's the thing I'd say? Even if you know someone's neurodiverse, you may not know how deep that goes, what they look like when the symptoms come out, and the most important thing you can do as an allistic is to accept that, yup, symptomatic behavior is a part of them, too. They may also be like me and have negative treatment histories that impact the way their autism manifests. You can't just claim allyship with the masking and apparently neurotypical moments you see of an autistic you know while ignoring, dismissing, or whitewashing the symptoms they experience. I've more than come to terms with my neurodiversity (I have a few comorbidities, too, but who the hell doesn't, am I right?) but it comes with complicated and overwhelming shit that is just as validly part of us as the easy to handle, fun shit.

I don't know, this all feels like rambling, but I gave it a try. I might try to talk about a specific topic at some other point this month.

Oh, while I'm here! These won't work for everyone - I'm sure some people will hate the sensation of them being in their ears - but I am absolutely in love with my Calmer Audio earplugs: https://www.flareaudio.com/products/calmer I carry these wherever I go. They work best for me when I'm in a situation where there are dozens of different sounds happening at once and I just need to quiet my ears down to a manageable 1-3, especially if I'm in a social situation and I need to be able to focus on the person's voice. They're relatively cheap, considering, and I've got a cute little carrier tube that just hangs out on my purse. If you can tolerate earbuds, they're easier. Recommend.

[andiphillipsdotcom]

I had an interesting experience this morning.

I signed up for an “Autism in Adults” study on a whim via Facebook, because I think to myself, “Hey, I’m an adult with autism.” I know, most people will make impulse purchases, but no, I sign up for a scientific study, go figure.

Anyway, I get the screening call today, and it seems to be going fine. But then the person on the other end says something about medication being involved, and I am like, “Hold up, what?”

See, I signed up for this study assuming it would be more on the research side of things. Since there are not a ton of studies on adults with autism (most studies focus on kids). I did not go into it thinking there would be medication involved.

So I ask them what symptoms is this medication supposed to treat?

For the record, I do not like describing conditions of autism as “symptoms,” because not all conditions of autism are medical or debilitating. However, in this context, we are talking about medication, so surely this would be focusing on more debilitating conditions of autism right?

This person just responds with “autism.”

…

*deep sigh*

So, I have to ask more specifically for a list of “symptoms, because obviously there is a lot that goes into autism (and not all of those conditions are even debilitating.) And, guess what, this person does not have a list.

Needless to say, I decline going any further.

(For the record this person was pleasant and professional. I really should have done my due diligence, and researched this study first.)

That was a very interesting experience, because it forced me to confront my feelings about Autism as a condition and as a disability.

For me personally, I do not feel as though my autism severely hinders me. Sure there are some things that are harder for me, socializing, managing my energy levels, sensory overload, sure. But first, these are things I can handle, and second I feel like this is all balanced out by the benefits of my autism, such as my analytical skills, and my sense of empathy.

However, I do still recognize there are conditions of autism that can be debilitating, and even severely so. For folx that are non-verbal, for example, it is truly difficult to navigate in a world that requires you to be verbal, without some kind of support.

I think my issue with the conversation I just had is that “autism” in its entirety was considered the “symptom” in question. Like autism is nothing but a debilitation, a disease that needs to be cured. And really, I beg to differ. For me at least, while my autism makes my life harder in some ways, it is also a part of who I am. The idea of “curing” my autism, quite frankly, is about as appealing to me as getting a lobotomy.

And honestly most of the things that make my life hard have less to do with my autism, and more to do with the world itself. As a very small for instance, some meetings in activist spaces can go on for hours, and this is honestly exhausting for me, as it leads to sensory overload. Not just because I am forced to pay attention for hours, but because of the spaces I have had to inhabit pre-covid. They were loud, and there were so many people. And then there was the emotional sensory overload. It was a lot.

But you know what solved a lot of that for me? Zoom! Zoom is honestly so much better for me than in person meetings ever were. I am in my own space, I can monitor the volume on my computer, and when I start to get tired from socializing, I can briefly excuse myself by turning off my camera and mic. Plus the no eye contact thing is a plus!

(Unfortunately sensory overload is still an issue with Zoom, because of the length of some meetings. I would really appreciate a break in some of these meetings, especially ones that can go on for 2+ hours, but that is a discussion for another day.)

Now, I am not saying *all* of these spaces did not make accommodations. In fact, some spaces have made such accommodations even before pre-covid. The point that I am getting at is this is just one example of how our society may not make accommodations for people with disabilities, or people who are neurodiverse.

And much more to this topic at hand, this - at least in my experience - tends to be the source of my issues. Not my autism itself, but the fact that the world is built for neurotypical people.

So maybe we should spend a little less time trying to “cure” people with autism, and a little more time making the world a better place for people with autism. And while we’re at it, making the world a better place for neurodiverse people and people with disabilities in general.

(Originally blogged on my website andiphillips.com)

[werevulvi]

This is a very long, ranty post that's only lightly edited. It's about me deciding to basically leave radfem, so I wanted to be thorough about explaining how and why. And this is mainly because my blog ended up existing in a radblr bubble, deemed as hostile by other ideologies/groups of people, and I need to break out of that bubble, because I feel trapped in it. I'm not sure how, as I may have to start over with a new blog entirely, but I'd hope to avoid that if at all possible (my blog is my baby.) So I'm thinking that making this kinda post is a good start in trying to change how my blog vibes and what kinda blogs I can interact with in a non-debate kinda sense. Basically, damage control.

A while ago, I made some post about how I wanted to move away from the worst rudefem stuff of radfem, for the sake of my mental health. Well, I've now hit a point of wanting to take further steps away from radfem, pretty much altogether. The main reason for this is that there's still too much focus on ragging on trans women, and trans people in general. It's suffocating me, because I'm not all that detrans and I'm not anti-male. I miss connecting with other trans people, and I miss being part of that community. Truth is I've become really fucking hateful towards my own kind and I've been in denial of it. This has been carving a hole in my heart that my radfem views have carved even deeper, and it has led me to become a quite lost soul.

Do I hate trans women? No, but I clearly act as if I do, and I don't feel comfortable with my own actions and thoughts towards/about them anymore. Are some of them cumbrains fetishising my oppression (misogyny) and/or predators? Yes, undoubtedly. But I am not a collectivist and I can't view all trans women like that. Nor does it sit right with me to treat them all as potential predators. I care about trans women in general, ultimately because I am trans too and their struggles reflect my own. I cannot shit on them without shitting on myself. But it's not just about me. I feel empathy for them, and I want to extend kindness and care towards them. I cannot with any goodness in my heart view them as men. Males, yes, but not men. More on that diffentiation later in this post.

I do not want to politisise their gender identities as women, because I don't want my own gender politisised, regardless if that is man, woman, or otherwise. (More on that later too.) I don't want to trap them in the category of "man" because I do not want to be trapped in the category of "woman" as if our transitions and gender incongruence meant nothing at all. Do our transitions change bio sex? No, and I'm not arguing that. I'm saying transition changes SOMETHING and that that something matters. And in a lot of contexts, it even matters more than bio sex.

But isn't that just an emotional argument, like boohoo, my/their feefees? YES, it's an emotional argument. But you know what: I believe that feelings matter, about as equally much as facts and logic matters. An argument being emotional does not make it necessarily useless or invalid. Grave robbery and necrophilia is illegal due to purely emotional arguments. Perhaps think about if that's useless.

I care about trans women's feelings and comfort, not just their rights, and I care about men's feelings and comfort too, because I do not think individual males' oppression being patriarchy's fault even remotely means that "men cause their own problems" because one male suffering at the hands of other men (patriarchy) is NOT his own fault. And him reaching out to women for help when other men fail him AGAIN shouldn't be hard to understand. Of course it's optional to help him or not then, but I feel like it is truly heartless not to, unless he is some kinda raging misogynist. I see that kinda vibe a lot in radfem circles and it honestly churns my stomach. That kinda man-hating is to me absolutely repugnant. You do you, but I will not support it.

Why do I care about males? Because they're human. They're the same species as me, and I care about them as one human to another. Because I don't believe there's any difference between males and females beyond the physical biology stuff. Socialisation varies from person to person. I've always been a person of principles, so I can't sit around and say I only care about fellow females and all females, because no one choses to be born female - and then in the same breath hate males for essentially having been born male, which they also did not choose. If I had been born male, I'd probably hate radfem, and that says something. It's very fucking lopsided, and barely even to my favour.

And I've been asking myself that a lot lately: Is radfem even to my (a bio female's) favour - or is it only the the favour of some kinda statistic average of a general female who doesn't even exist? I dunno, but it's an important question to ask.

This is getting ranty already, but hey I'm trying.

Trans women and males aside, radfem often has a kinda negative view of trans men (and any variety of dysphoric females) that I've always felt iffy about, but first thought I had been mistaken about. It seemed for a long while that radfem is totally supportive of transmascs/dysphoric females, but..... upon closer look, it appears a little bit rotten, sorry to say. Because lately I've come to realise maybe I was kinda right from the start that radfem really is not as supportive of transmascs/dysphoric females as it claims to be. This is probably not intentionally unsupportive, I'm aware, but some of the things that really stand out to me like sore thumbs:

1.) The idea that if gender abolishion happened, no one would be dysphoric or wish to transition medically, is frankly incredibly unfounded. Do you have ANY evidence for that dysphoria is ENTIRELY social, because I've yet to see any reliable study on this. As far as I'm concerned this is just a theory based on essentially the exclusion method that all the biology-based theories are incomplete. So this strong assertion that a genderless society would have no trans people (with sex dysphoria only) gives me this unsettling vibe that radfem is not at all supportive of transition, but would prooobably prefer it if no one was trans - even in a world where gender is abolished and transitioned females are masculine women who just like looking like males, and transitioned males are feminine men who just like looking like females, and I dunno dysphoric nonbinary people would just be men and women who transition in a variety of atypical ways.

Which was always what I envisioned. That no one would be FORCED to be feminine or masculine or anything, because of their sex - NOT that trans people would be forced or expected to accept their physical sex characteristics. Because I don't know about you, but I've personally never based my sex dysphoria on that it's too hard to live as a masculine woman, and I've met tons of other trans people who feel the same way about that. It's a myth about dysphoric trans people, and I think perpetuating it does more harm than good.

Feminism, gender abolishion, etc, probably can't cure anyone's sex dysphoria. And even just striving towards that is a little iffy. How about leave it up to the dysphorics if we wanna be cured? Because I bet most radfems would not wanna enforce a cure for autism if that became a thing, or strive towards curing the world of autism. So why do it with sex/gender dysphoria? Point is I'm just noticing these uncomfortable, kinda hidden anti-trans sentiments behind the gender abolishion idea. I'm FOR gender abolishion, but only if transition would still be available in such a future. But I'm sensing that's not what radfem is actually about, and I've been properly fucking fooled. If so... fuck you for that.

2.) Some of you operate on the false assumption that trans people never pass as the opposite sex. This level of intellectual dishonesty is skewing radfem certain arguments really badly, and makes them appear poorly thought-out at best, and impossible to implement in real life at worst.

3.) The idea that sex segregated spaces can be upheld in a world where some people pass as the opposite sex, is frankly ludicrous to me, if you think of how it would actually pan out in practice. If women's spaces became only ever available for bio women, and males spaces only available for bio men, I'd be banned from both, due to my own transition. (And why the flying fuck would I promote that? I'm not insane.) Because there is no way I can prove that my sex is female, most people do not even believe that my sex is female when I tell them, and I already get tossed out from women's spaces due to that I just look like a man.

People's failure to believe I'm THAT passable irl, is about as frustrating as people's failure to believe I'm actually female, and both those people's arguments on where I "should" go is entirely useless garbage. This doesn't only affect me, but a lot of trans people out there in the world. And then I'm probably more accommodating to this kinda drama, than what most trans people would even be willing to pretend to put up with. I am your faithful lapdog, yet I still get my teeth kicked in for being annoying. To which I have to ask myself: is this kinda martyrdom really worth it? Other trans people often see me as self-hating for being a radfem, and I'm sadly starting to see why.

And to then claim I could just use gender neutral spaces is frankly robbing me of MY female rights. To treat me as a threat to other women is very uncalled for, and yes... misogynistic. And to assume that male-passing females would be welcome in women's spaces in such a world is frankly laughable. Masculine women who have not even touched a vial of testosterone in their lives already have trouble being allowed in women only spaces that have harder rules on "no trans women allowed." This is anti-trans in a way which I cannot support.

If I am to be barred from women's spaces (which I am) because I look like a man, then I WILL use men's spaces. Because I refuse to be dehumanised and stuffed into a "trans toilet/locker room" for other people's convenience. The majority's comfort does NOT get to override my personal comfort. Especially considering men (in general) are not actually uncomfortable with my presense in their spaces, because I look like I belong there. So there is not even any damn argument to be made against me using male only space. This is not because of me wanting some kinda validation for how much of a "man" I "identify" as or whatever. This is about me not wanting to be dehumanised for my medical condition or for how I choose to treat it. Because yes, barring me from both men's and women's spaces does feel a lot like considering me sub-human, because my physical body is frightening, unsettling, gross, or otherwise inconvenient for "normal" men and women to be subjected to. Fuck that noise. I am just as much human and I deserve the same level of basic respect, and that should not be asking for too much. I will not sink below that bar. That's like telling a disabled person that they "have to" use the disabled space because their amputation (or whatever is their ailment) freaks people out, even if they're capable of using the regular men's/women's space despite their condition. So, I'd say barring trans people from both men's and women's spaces is actually rather ableist.

So how do I think that issue should be solved then? Honestly I do not have a solution. So I'd say skip the sex segregation of stuff like bathrooms and locker rooms completely (but keep it for stuff like sports and rape relief shelters) and let trans people themselves figure out which space suits them best, and only intervene in cases when they make a really poor judgement. The only other option would be allowing ALL females in women's spaces (yes, including fully passing trans men) and vice versa all males into men's spaces, but I'm extremely worried about how exactly passing trans people would be expected to go about proving they're going to the right spaces. So I'd say don't do shit until we have found a better (actually better) solution.

Because I can't sit here and say that trans women should never use the women's locker rooms, while I go showering butt naked in the men's locker room. That would be a very hypocritical double standard. Yes, I think passable and/or post-op trans women can and should be allowed to use women only spaces. Based on that I think passable and/or post-op trans men can and should be allowed to use men only spaces, but I do not think that is a perfect or ideal solution.

3.) There's just in general a lot of negativity towards medical transition and how trans people look; our desires, hopes, goals and our dysphoria. This feeds my self-hatred like fuck. Yeah I'd consider myself a rather strong person in general, but I'm not made of concrete, and I think radfem and gender critical thought has broken me down a lot, which took me a while to notice. I don't even know if the real reason I'm calling myself a woman nowadays is because my dream of being a man in ANY sorta sense (be it fantasy or reality) has become completely crushed. Yet I'm unable to truly be okay with being a woman.

Yes, I truly love my pussy, I'm fine with my reproductive ability (producing ova, chance at pregnancy) and in general I like that I started off on a female ground. I love that I have small hands and feet, and a relatively small frame. I really like my height, that I'm not very tall, but do tower most other females. So there's a lot I like about being bio female, and it's mostly things I can't change about my physique anyway. As for my curves, I seem to sometimes like it and sometimes not. I'm also okay with having cellulites and stretch marks. But what I'm NOT fine with about being female is being driven by estrogen, my body's natural gravitation and persistense towards re-feminising itself as soon as I went off of testosterone, having breasts, having less muscle mass than males, having a higher voice, having little to no body/facial hair, etc. I am not fine with being recognised as a woman, or having most female secondary sex characteristics, or lacking male secondary sex characteristics.

This does make me feel like although I'm actually fine with simply being bio female, I'm only fine with it on the condition that I get to look/sound/appear as close to male as medically possible. And does that make me a man in the bio male sorta sense? No, obviously not, but I'm starting to ask myself: Why the FUCK does it matter so goddamn much?! I am sick and tired of being a political pawn no matter where I go. I just wanna live my life.

And radfem discourse (as well as TRA discourse) is so goddamn far from real life it's honestly pathetic and destructive. Most people really don't give a fuck if I'm male or female, or if I have a dick or pussy. It's only really relevant for my doctors and my sex partners. But outside of those very specific contexts, I do like being open about my bio sex, because it just makes it easier to be open about my life, and I feel like that's a good reason to be open about it. However, being open about it solely because some people on the internet think people's bio sex is absolutely crucial info (outside of the context of sex/dating and docs) does not feel good.

I shouldn't feel pressured to be so open about myself, just to not feel guilty for how I choose to treat my dysphoria. I should not have to feel this guilty.

I think my opinions on gender are actually unhealthy for me. I understand more and more that people's opinions on gender are largely just based on their own personal experiences with whatever trans people they've stumbled across. There is no objective facts on what gender is and what it is not. If it's an internal identity or just social roles and clothing. If it's somewhat biological or entirely socially constructed. I feel like I've been arguing bullshit semantics that don't even hold water. I'm not saying that bio sex is changable or a spectrum or completely unimportant, or anything like that. When I say gender I don't mean biological sex.

I'm not saying that I'm not biogically female. I'm saying that just because I'm a female, doesn't mean I cannot also be a man - under, not another, but just slightly looser definition of man which is still connected to physical maleness - in contexts where it simply does not, and should not, matter if I do not fit someone else's definition of what a man or woman is. Because maybe semantics are killing discourse more than it's killing real life issues like human rights. Just saying.

But I dunno what I want with my gender or my label. But I think my realisation that I need to scrap my views and values in regards to gender altogether, and rebuild them from scratch... might actually quite likely change my sense of my gendered self (again.) Because you know what? My gender identity seems very highly influenced by my opinions of gender as a whole, and not just by my dysphoria. If I go by just my dysphoria, I think I would consider myself a trans man, which is why I guess I never truly stopped considering that... but my opinions on gender as a whole (women's rights, female liberation, gender abolishion, trans stuff, bio sex, etc) intervene and conflict with that, and makes me wanna be both a woman and a trans man at the same time, which I can't. So I end up being pulled in two opposing directions.

It's just that up until recently my opinions on gender used to matter more to me than tending to my dysphoria. And now I've come to a point where I don't think I wanna have that sorta prioritisation anymore, because it's having real bad effect on my mental health.

And I need to get very real with myself and ask myself if this really is the life I want. Upon knowing that I'm not actually comfortable with my own opinions, and their affects on my mental health is not actually worth advocating for female liberation, which I already know by now. Then my next step is to take a step back and try to consume less media from any and all sides of the discourse, and listen to my intuition again. Hear myself out. This might take a while, and in the meantime I'm just gonna have to say that my stance on feminism, trans stuff, women's rights, etc, is "under construction."

And as for my goddamn gender label... I'm half okay with pretty much anything right now. Transmasc, woman, ftm, trans man, dysphoric female, masculine/gnc/male-passing woman, etc, is all fine. It's not really about how other people label me anyway. How I label myself is the only thing that truly matters to me in that regard. That it's with self-respect, love and care... and not for political reasons.

I think that's just the thing. That I need to stop doing shit I'm not comfortable with just for political reasons.

With that said, I also wanna briefly touch upon other aspects of radfem that I find myself either no longer agreeing with, or just no longer caring about.

The sex work industry: I know it's bad. But I no longer care and I still might wanna become a sex worker one day. At least I wanna try it. Because no I don't want for sex to be personal, private or hidden. I feel like that's just not how I wanna express my sexuality. And sex is the ONLY of my passions I can in any way imagine turning into a job. Because it's the only one of my passions I never get tired of, and also never truly get obsessed with either. Sorry if the sex industry hurt you personally, but I kinda fail to see how that's my problem, or my responsibility, or how it would seal my fate. I don't wanna live my life after other people's problems, and I cannot learn from other people's mistakes (for those who chose it but still got burned.)

Watching porn, engaging in bdsm, etc: After having tried for a couple of years to heal my broken sexuality and to enjoy vanilla sex, I'm frankly giving up. Some say I'd have to go celibate and work really hard on my trauma for it to have effect, which... honestly I'd rather eat a bullet than do that. I saw a sexologist once last summer and oooooh BOY did that go badly! She basically told me I'm just kinky and need to work on accepting myself. That hurt a lot, and made me give up extra hard on psychiatry again (like it was the last drop again) but it made me realise that there just isn't any help for me out there. And that I'm also not willing to do anything drastic to change it on my own.

That what I want is to have a sex life that I enjoy. So... I'll go back to what simply works for me: bdsm sex. That's not entirely without some reluctance and hesitation, and I do plan on going about it in safer ways than I previously did. Like for example only doing it with people I trust and know well, use safety words, etc, as a bare minimum. I'm learning everything I can about safer bdsm practices, well before actually diving into it. But thing is that I like such extreme "kinks" that it's never gonna be entirely safe, and.... I guess I can't be fucked to care anymore, and I'm tired of even just hearing about the preachings of how bad hardcore bdsm is. Like yeah, I know it's bad, now shut up now and leave me the fuck alone to live/ruin my own damn life.

And as for porn: I never quite quit it, just reduced it by a lot. Again, not denying the harms about it, just not caring enough to change my habits.

Conclusions and wrapping it up: Basically, I've always been a Trauma Queen and I just wanna be myself again. I don't think my former views (more egalitarian/equality based rather than female liberation, and neither individualist nor collectivist) were bad or wrong, but rather that how I implemented them into my life and disregarded danger which was bad. Bio sex matters, but I think gender matters too, and the world is what it is. I have to accept that if I'm gonna have the slightest chance of living a happy life. I can't force myself to live according to feminist ideals for the sake of women in general, when those ideals smother my flame.

I cannot claim that either of the things radfem stand against are all inherently bad. I cannot claim that transitioning shouldn't be a thing, even in a perfect world, because I wanna bring my testosterone with me everywhere I go. I cannot claim that there's any "one road fits all" to happiness for all people, or all women. I cannot be a hypocrite who only values female lives when male lives are at core equally valuable. That has nothing to do with pandering to men. All it means is that I want a world where men and women can live in peace together, and if that's not possible, then at least I wanna live my own life in peace with myself, making whichever decisions I see fit for myself, and surround myself with both men and women who are respectful and decent people. I do not want to try to force my life to fit an ultimately flawed ideology. And all ideologies are flawed.

I'm flawed. We all are, and that is okay. Yes, I wanna strive towards happiness and some health and safety, but not ultimate health or 100% secure safety. Health and safety should not come at the expense of fun and happiness, if at all possible. Because I still need some amount of danger to find enjoyment in things, and I think having fun and getting bitter lessons is more important, than being healthy and safe. I've always thought that. It might just even be a core value of mine, and it does conflict with radfem values. What matters to me in life is in conflict with radfem values. I need to learn moderation and to balance fun with health, happiness with safety, and transitioning with reality. But what I do not need is to wingclip myself because of what matters to other people.

Radfem has taught me a lot of good stuff, it has made me aware of a lot of shit I didn't wanna know, but now it's time to move on and leave it behind me.

Please note that I do not mean to demonise radfem as inherently bad, fearmongering, transphobic, etc. It still has a lot of good points that I agree with. And I may still likely reblog and interact with radfem posts that I do feel are good and/or interesting. I just don't wanna lock myself to radfem as an ideology anymore. I do not think radfem is the ultimate truth, and I do not think there even is ANY ultimate truth to such things as gender.

I'm saying that I declare myself no longer a radical feminist because I am no longer dedicated to the cause as a whole. Not that it's suddenly all bad.

I wanna spread my wings and just be my problematic, true self... this sex-crazed, kinky tranny who deep down loves being a transitioned female, but also don't want for any female to suffer oppression simply because of how they were born, but also sees trans women as "women enough", values male lives and their opinions, etc! Whatever else I might think and feel which I haven't figured out yet. Instead of a forcing myself to become a perfect pawn for completely sex-based feminism.

I may adopt some of my old TRA views back, as well as some of my old libfem views. I will not limit myself to only one school of thought, ANY one school of thought. Please remember that if you're thinking I'm gonna go back to be a TRA libfem entirely, because that is NOT the case. What I'm breaking out of is the tribalism and extremism of radfem: the radical part of feminism. Because ultimately, that radical part of feminism, what I've been describing (perhaps poorly) throughout this post, is what's become suffocating for me.

I need to find myself again, beyond EVERY ideology that's telling me how I should think, feel and live my life. I've had enough of that shit. I need to think and feel freely, and live my life for myself.

Thank you all for your patience with me.

[thisiswhymomworries]

i dont want to intrude but how do you know if youre autistic? i feel like a number of "symtoms" fit me and it would explain certain things like i hate touching people, certain sounds feel like theyre cutting into my ears and certain textures like boiled carrots and manchester pants disgust me. but im also like, functioning? it doesnt really impact me cause i can work through them if i have to. am i allowed to id as autistic on the lighter spectrum? or are they just normal quirks?

I’ve just found that I have a lot of the traits and identify so much with other people who are autistic that it really just makes sense to me that I am too. right now I’m not pursuing a medical diagnosis because 1) I’m extremely lucky to be in an environment and life situation that I can function on my own so I don’t need any sort of disability; 2) disabled people (and the EOC on my employment application did include autism) can be paid literally whatever in the US, there is no minimum wage; 3) I’m busy dealing with my transition right now and don’t want to add another thing on top of it, especially if any cis doctor or therapist down the line could start using an autism diagnosis to claim I’m not really transgender for bullshit reasons

as for the spectrum, I think this article (written by an autistic person) is REALLY great at explaining what that actually means. it isn’t a spectrum from high-functioning to low-functioning; it’s a spectrum of different traits affecting different aspects of your life. for some people, these traits and the aspects affected (especially social skills and the ability to verbalize) clearly mark them as autistic and make it difficult for them to “”function”” in an allistic world. but that’s really only because the world doesn’t accommodate them. the article includes an interview from an autistic man with great social skills and a strong ability to empathize and understand how other people think and feel, but who couldn’t speak. so it was assumed he had a much lower intelligence than he really did and was “”low-functioning”” when actually he was very intelligent and could have done a lot more for himself if he could have communicated through computer much earlier

for me personally, I know my ability to function is entirely due to the wonderful job I have. it can get frustrating at times, but I basically sit at a desk in a library and occasionally answer questions when people come up to the desk and ask. there’s not a lot of physical activity, I don’t need too much social skills, and there’s no stress or pressure. I’m also able to only work 30 hours a week and still support myself. I know if I had to work a physical, stressful job for 40-60 hours a week, I would constantly have breakdowns and ultimately be unable to care for myself

so aside from the stigma of what autistic traits make some “high” or “low” functioning--I have huge sensory issues with taste and texture in food, so I’m a very “picky” eater, and while that has led to a lot of judgment and a borderline eating disorder, no one has ever said I can’t take care of myself and shouldn’t be allowed to be independent over it the way autistic people who have mobility issues, are nonverbal, or lack social skills can often be infantilized--there’s also a huge difference in environment

anyway, my point with this whole functioning tangent is that the flip side of the stigma leaves people deemed “high functioning” without much help or resources. autism is a different method of processing for your brain, not a mental illness. you don’t have to base your ID off how well you function or whether or not it’s causing you to suffer in your daily life. the article I linked to provides a great list of different autistic traits far better than I could cover, and with a really good explanation for how they can manifest in your life. imo, if you find other autistic people make way more sense than allistics, you recognize multiple symptoms/traits in your own life and personality, and that stays consistent after doing research, you’re probably autistic ^^

[vampiricmusings]

On Masking

The trend of me deleting posts after I make them because I'm scared of what people might think continues, however, I wanted to make a post on this considering its kind of related. I also don't know what I'm worried about, this blog (purposefully) does not have a lot of followers.

I'm really trying. Primarily to be honest with me. Myself. To be unapologetically me. To find me after suppressing myself for so long.

I was first diagnosed with Autism as a toddler, and I subsequently enrolled in a very small school that could give me special attention every single day so I wouldn't be inevitably placed in a "Special" program as it was called in my public school. I was told that it was because I was smart, and that my meltdowns, social issues, and all my other symptoms were my fault because I wasn't trying and was sheltered.

It almost killed me.

I have been deemed as "abnormal," yet I am forced into a mold of being normal. Of APPEARING normal. Because that's easier for other people to handle. They don't have to accommodate people who are normal. Or they're uncomfortable when people act in a way that isn't socially acceptable.

I have convinced myself that I need to be that normal. That the key to being successful is to be or appear normal. And the sick thing is, that's true in some cases. To get into Medical school, openly being autistic is a death sentence for you. It's sickening.

What is a mask, you may ask? No, I'm not speaking on the article of clothing that has saved countless lives during this pandemic. I'm talking about the way autistic people are forced to mask their condition to be taken seriously or even treated like people. We don't have the privilege of being able to go out into the world without being hyperaware of how every little thing we do comes across. It's one of the reasons why it is so frustrating when people think it's trendy to have an ND condition. This shit is exhausting, and it's not just being anxious to go out in public and be around people. It's not being awkward, it's not wanting to stay home, it's not. It's just not.

A good example of what it means to mask happened to me just a few weeks ago. I had a meeting with someone who had never met me that it was crucial I use my social skills to make a good impression and complete my assignment.

At the end, she of course commented on how anxious I was. How awkward I was. But she also mentioned how my eye contact was a little intense, and how I "seem to be a nice person." She ended it with you can't teach someone to be a bubbly/happy person, you have to be born with it.

Born with it, right. That whole conversation was the product of me and my fiance spending hours the night before rehearsing a script for what I would say, how I would say it, and how I needed to come off as I said it. Watching videos to mirror people who can interact with others naturally. I lived my life with people telling me that I need to do better about making eye contact, so now I stare at people when they talk evn if I'm not looking AT them but through them.

I left and called my mother and laughed at this, the idea that you're born with it, as I have worked my whole life to create a mask that is seen as happy and outwardly emotionally positive and available. It has been years of training myself, mirroring people around me, to teach myself how to prop up such a personality. I can only maintain it for maybe 20 minutes, and I immediately have to take a nap afterward. It is exhausting because it is not me. I wasn't always able to do this either, it has taken me my whole life to get to this point. Some autistic people never get to this point, and that's okay.

Because we shouldn't HAVE to.

I shouldn't have to go through mental anguish and exhaust myself to be who someone else wants me to be.

It's unfair.

My mask is made up of all of the people around me who know how to be social. I take a little something from each of them on how they interact with the world, and it helps me to fabricate a mask that has people believe I am NOT different.

I did not realize until I got my own apartment a few months ago and started living on my own just how much I do actually mask in my day-to-day life. Prior, I either lived with my family or with my roommate 24/7 in a tiny dorm with her not even 6 feet away from me. I never had the chance to be myself, I never had the chance to COMPLETELY de-mask.

But now, I do. And I have completely changed how I look at myself. Previously, I thought I was very much so devoid of any emotions. But really, that was due to my mask. Now, I realize that I simply do not handle my emotions as someone who is NT should. All of my emotions are short-lived and incredibly intense, and I find myself crying often. I do have long periods between these where I feel devoid of emotion - blank. I simply do not know how to handle feeling things after feeling so smothered, stifled, and unfeeling in the past. I stim more, I find myself making noises more, I find myself FINDING MYSELF for the first time. I can let myself be autistic without forcing myself to be something I am not.

It is so freeing, arguably even more freeing than getting away from my abusive mother feels.

Really, the way my life has played out has been a series of being unfair to me, as this is not even touching on my physical disabilities. But lounging around thinking about how unfair life is doesn't help me. It doesn't help anyone. Acknowledging it and how far you've come despite it, however, is crucial. That being said, I make it a point to never vent about these things unless I am specifically asked.

I have been forced into a box in a way that people who do not have a developmental disorder do not understand. People acting as if they do understand that obviously do not is really frustrating to me, because it becomes a sense of them (often in a place of having the privilege of NOT experiencing it) trying to relate to me and it feels condescending and as if it is diminishing what I go through so someone else can feel special too. My mother does this comparing my sister to me often. This is true for any mental illness of any severity in different capacities.

[fightingmama-blog]

This is long. Please read it. This is a story of The System and how it fails kids. More than that, it’s a story of how people within The System are complicit in this failure. All year I’ve been saying it feels like I’m living a British sitcom because this stuff is just too crazy to all happen to one person at one time. Everything I’ve written is true. I have permission from my daughter to share it, but I want to do so anonymously. Please share this far and wide. I want the world to know how stupidly difficult it is to simply live when your brain is trying to kill you.

 My daughter is 15 and has been struggling with severe depression and anxiety for the past year – well, for longer than that, but with suicide attempts and hospitalizations in this year.

 None of this is or has been secret, but it’s hard to talk about, to make oneself vulnerable. Mental illness is difficult enough to talk about without also feeling like a failure as a mother (regardless of whether that is logical or not). I have learned this year, though, that all of this is a lot more common than I ever thought.

 I think the worst thing a parent can face is the idea that the child they created doesn’t wish to have been created at all. The scariest thing I live with is the idea that I might wake up one morning to find her body.

 I first learned of the suicidal ideation (SI) last November. Immediately I went to her school for help because not long before we had had a meeting to support her anxieties and I was told they could help in these cases. They did nothing for a full month, despite me calling weekly to check in.

 She eventually began receiving therapy at a place called Nueva Vista (NV), but not until the end of January. Her first psychiatrist appointment was not until nearly a month later and she wound up not making it because of her first hospitalization. The doctors in the hospital started her on meds, though. I could not get another appointment with the NV psychiatrist for almost another month and she wound up missing that one, too, for the same reason. At this point I demanded that they see her sooner and they made it happen.

 Before, I never really understood the need to pull a child out of school for a doctor’s appointment, but now she’s been pulled out on a regular basis. Sigh.

 She was hospitalized once more in April, this time due to a reaction to a new medication they had tried.

 A few weeks later we were told that NV provides services in sets of 13 weeks. She was at the end of her first one, and they were applying for a second, but that she would likely not receive a third. I was a little upset because we hadn’t been made aware of any of this at the beginning of our time there. But they promised us a number of things:

 1. That they would prepare her for the end of services.

2. That they would help us find services to transfer into.

3. Worst case scenario, they could end services, we could wait three weeks and reapply.

 In May we had an IEP finalized for her to help her with this at school. For those who don’t know (lucky), an IEP is a legal document for special education written to provide services, support, and accommodations for a disability.  Her IEP stated, among other things, that she would get a therapist at school. The school wanted to write in 730 minutes per year, but my advocate (a very close friend who is a special ed teacher) would not settle for that, knowing that it wasn’t specific enough. Schools are notorious for not writing IEP’s properly and not following them when they do. There is a whole branch of law devoted to suing schools who do not provide accommodations to their students. Anyhow, my friend insisted that my daughter’s IEP state the therapy be provided at least every other week. This turns out to have been a necessary thing, because they did not actually hook her up with a therapist for 3 months.

 And then that first therapist? She told my daughter, “If you cry all the time, how do you expect to have friends?”

 Other fun things her teachers, school staff, or even her IEP case carrier have said to her, KNOWING her IEP is for depression/anxiety:

-You look too sad all the time. Why don’t you look happier?

-You made me feel like I did something wrong.

-Well, if you don’t talk to me, how do you expect me to help you? (This one in the middle of a panic attack.)

 To jump ahead for a moment, because it will just be easier to get all the IEP stuff out of the way, I requested an IEP meeting at the end of August to revise the IEP and, while they held the initial IEP (and I refused to sign it because it wasn’t complete yet), they have STILL not finished it.

 During May and June I was dealing with my son’s (12 yo) extreme anxiety. He had entirely lost the ability to participate in school, partly due to a new curriculum, but, I think, largely out of the anxiety he felt over his sister’s health. In trying to find him therapy of his own, he was given an eval at a place called Motiva, but they felt he was too severe for their services and they referred him to NV. THAT was a whole damn mess. They didn’t want him and they gave me a whole host of excuses:

 1. He can’t be seen there until autism isn’t his first diagnosis (yeah, that will never happen).

2. He can’t be seen there without a diagnosis (first of all, the referral from Motiva listed a diagnosis, secondly, my daughter didn’t have a diagnosis until they gave her one AFTER she was being seen there).

3. Why couldn’t Motiva just see him, anyway? (Because they don’t do family/group therapy or have access to a psychiatrist)

 Eventually, Motiva convinced them to take him, but I don’t feel like their heart is in it. I really don’t. He hasn’t been referred to the psych, and they are already talking about ending his services at the 13 week mark despite the fact that it took them 8 weeks just to get him to talk to them at all.

 NV is considered a medium-high severity mental health clinic. I don’t see how a child being hospitalized three times in three months isn’t considered severe. I don’t see how a child being unwilling to consider talking to a therapist at all for 8 weeks isn’t considered severe.

 And yet, one day towards the end of summer, my daughter’s therapist told her she had one visit left. I had assumed that they would TRY to get her the third set of sessions, but they didn’t even TRY. They also had not:

 1. Prepared her for the end of services.

2. Helped us to find care to transition into.

 I demanded to speak with the director of the place. This was a terrible idea. The director, Bill Simpson, is a terrible human being. You would think that a director of a mental health clinic would understand how to speak to people, particularly those in crisis. You would be wrong.

 During this conversation, he told me that the reason they could not apply for a third set of sessions is because the county would never approve such a thing unless the child had been hospitalized in the previous two weeks. I mean. That sounds like a thing that might be true, but it also sounds like a thing that a doctor could potentially make a case for more care for a child in a particularly special place (i.e. one who had been hospitalized three times in the past year, and who was not stable on her meds even after more than six months of trying to figure out the right meds for her).  And yet he told me (and he repeated it several times), “absolutely I would refuse to help your child.” He claimed that if he even submitted one request for a third set of weeks without the right criteria, the county would refuse to approve any requests ever. That? I have a hard time believing. And even if it were 100% true, I am certain he could have found a kinder way to convey that information.

 When I tried to convey the promises I had been made by the staff 13 weeks ago, he brushed me off, saying that he couldn’t believe everything everyone says they are told. It felt a little gaslighty.

 He also told me there is no such thing as long-term therapy.  Did I already mention gaslighting? Cause that statement right there is the king of crazy.

 I am not even kidding you when, at a later date, I asked how to complain about the way he treated me and I was directed to their in-house comment cards instead of the proper county forms that the office doesn’t have access to. I’d love to believe that was a simple mistake.

 Every time I try to discuss these things with the staff in the office, they nod at me and say, “I’m sorry you felt that way.” But it is so clearly empty. They don’t actually care, or perhaps they do, but cannot act in any way helpful because of the way the director runs the place. I don’t know. In the end it’s irrelevant because it is simply not helpful. I don’t feel heard and when I try to explain that they are able to say, “Well, I apologized. What more do you want?” It is a very crafty way to dismiss a person.

 I am getting quite good at spotting this sort of manipulation, though, and I refuse to play along. My tactics tend to be reminding them what they said two minutes ago, comparing that with the opposite thing they are telling me now, listing all the conflicting things they have told me during the conversation, and listing all the evidence I have from previous experiences. I am never loud, I am never rude, I never curse or insult. I simply state truths. I am always treated as hostile.

 We tried to find a new therapist for her. We spoke with a place called YES through San Ysidro Health Center and the woman who did the intake was so kind. She told us that they had plenty of kids who’d been patients there for years and that I should come in and talk with her and she’d take care of my daughter. It felt so good to be heard, and to hear the promise that someone would help us.

 They did not help us. They contacted NV who told them that my daughter had “met all her goals” and so they were not able to serve her at YES either. They said they could refer to the general San Ysidro Health Center, but I know (because that is the clinic where my doctor is) that their therapy is not traditional therapy. They only offer 30 minute sessions and most of the work is done at home, alone.  That is not nearly the kind of care my kid needs right now.

 So around this time, my daughter’s psychiatrist was still adjusting her meds so they could not fully close out her case at NV. She continued meeting with her therapist, but just for 20 minute check-ins instead of the full appointment. She had been on Lexapro since April and it was working well, but not well enough. So we tried Wellbutrin in August. It was a kind of a gamble, as anyone experienced with Wellbutrin knows, but it seemed to be a miracle drug for my kid.  She was almost normal for the first time in more than a year! But that only lasted two months. The psych had tried raising it, and then raising it once more.

 We saw the doctor one last time the week after they raised it a second time. Here is where things get really upsetting. My daughter had never been stable on meds. She is proving extremely difficult to treat. The longest period of stability were those first two months on Wellbutrin. The doctor’s nurse had found us a new psychiatrist, but the waiting list to see them was three months long. I kept trying to explain how the math doesn’t add up: three months without psychiatry for a kid who’s never been stable more than two months is not good math.  Further, we kept telling the doctor, the case manager, the nurse, and the therapist that her SI was increasing and that she was feeling worse and worse. The therapist kept responding by saying, “Yes, but you have coping skills now!” They would not listen when my daughter would try to explain that coping skills can only do so much when your brain is trying to kill you.

 The very day she had her last appointment with the psychiatrist, I had to take her in to the ESU. The Emergency Screening Unit is a pace you can take a kid in crisis and have them screened 24 hours a day by a nurse. This is one way to be admitted to a mental health hospital unit, and my daughter had been in the ESU twice already so we were familiar with the process. They kept her overnight, but then they released her, stating that she should continue the services she already had. When I tried to explain that she didn’t really have services, she only had one exit session left, they looked at me blankly and either told me that NV would help her find services (they wouldn’t and didn’t – not for therapy, anyway) or they just repeated the last thing they said before I confused them with things that are happening to us. I mean, believe me, I am also confused. But not helping is, it turns out, not helping.

 Luckily (?) because my kid had been officially suicidal again (it’s not real unless a doctor outside of NV had been told?) they were able to extend her therapy for the third set of 13 weeks.

 But not the psychiatry. Honestly, I don’t know why.

 JUST before we found this out, though, my daughter flipped out one day and had to be taken in again.

 It was a good day. She’d had a good day, and a good evening, and she seemed fine in the night, too. I was tired and trying to talk her into going to bed. She cheerfully, and entirely unsleepily told me she would. And then I heard music. And then she was getting up and going into the bathroom. I knew she wasn’t going to bed, but I had no idea she was in her room self-harming and trying to commit suicide. (For the record, all the medication and sharp things are locked up.) I was trying to just let her be a kid, but finally something in me took over and forced her to answer me as to what she was doing. And she fell apart and started crying. So I knew I had to take her in, but she told me, “What if my brain makes me run away from you outside?” and I knew that she was telling me she didn’t feel safe enough for me to drive her myself.

 Do you know what happens if you cannot drive your own kid to the ESU? You call the police and they take her away in handcuffs. It’s traumatizing for everyone involved. Luckily, we DID know that is what would happen so we weren’t blindsided by it. But it was still awful.

 I followed them to the ESU and it turned out to be a very, very late night. I wound up falling asleep on a couch there and they woke me at 3am to talk with the doctor about admitting her. I believed she would be hospitalized. I didn’t expect what actually did happen, though.

 There is a place at the same facility that ESU is at. It’s called Intensive Respite Program (IPR) and it’s not quite a hospital in that the kids there have more freedom. They can have some belongings, they can have visitors at any time, they can even leave for awhile. We got to have her home with us for Thanksgiving, which was wonderful. It is very small – three kids max and each get their own room. They spend all day doing work from therapy to DBT to sensory experiences (they have a whole room devoted to sensory stuff). It’s really a beautiful program.

 But my favorite part is the people. The director, Hillary, is amazing. The therapist there is, too. They have reacted appropriately to our story. That is to say that they are appalled. They have made the decision to keep my daughter there until her services on the outside are in place (about another week). They have given me the number to a special ed lawyer to help me prepare to talk to the school. They are coming with us to the school. They have already met with us and our wrap team (a program called Families Forward). I am so grateful to them.

 I don’t know where this will lead. Maybe we will get dumped again. I mean, why not?

 But I don’t think so. They’ve already shown us they are with us.

 But here’s the thing. Repeatedly I have had to check on people, to make sure they are doing their jobs, to ask them to do their jobs.  It’s ridiculous. I’m a single mom. I’m quite poor right now. I’m a full time student. I have TWO kids with special needs. I have no family support. I have enough to do without doing the work other people are paid to do.

 I have been praised multiple times by various sources (some genuine and some probably less so) for my advocacy for my children. But that only goes so far. When you face one brick wall after another there’s not a lot you can do.

 I don’t know if this happened (is happening) to us because we are poor, or because this is mental illness we are dealing with (would a physical illness get the same treatment? to the same degree?), or if it’s just the way things are for everyone, but it’s not acceptable. We MUST stand up for healthcare, for mental health, for children. This is just not okay. It nearly broke me, and may still do so. Please. Someone. Fix the system.

[transsteves]

Hi, my name is Spencer. I’m an 18 year old trans* non binary guy from England. I have multiple mental health issues and a physical disability, as well as autism. I came out as trans* a few months ago and everything seemed fine, until Wednesday night. My mother sat me down and told me she would never accept me as trans*, that I wasn’t her child anymore, and that she was grieving me. She essentially disowned me and told me I was dead to her, because I wasn’t the little girl she raised. I can’t stay in this house anymore. She’s made me feel unwelcome and I can’t even think about speaking to her without having an anxiety attack. I need to leave as soon as possible. She’s out this weekend, so I can be here and go to work, but I need to leave. My only available option right now seems to be sofa surfing between my few accepting friends whose parents don’t hate me for being trans*, and there aren’t many of those. I am in full time education and it’s my last chance at achieving any of my goals in life, since I’ve missed so many chances due to my mental health, so I literally cannot drop out. I have a part time job, which I do as much as I can. My college has student accommodation on campus which I should be able to get emergency access to, but the issue is the price. My monthly salary: £450 at best Monthly rent for SA: £700 My medication per month: £35 Food per month (lowest): £100 I cannot afford this, not in my wildest dreams. My family can’t help me, and I have no chance at life if I don’t finish my course. My academic potential is the only thing that keeps me from suicide much of the time, and I see no point in life if I drop out. I don’t want to beg, but I have to. please. If you can’t donate, please signal boost. please.

[lostinafairytaleofchaos]

Disabilities & Mental Health Introduction

IT IS NOT ALL IN BLACK AND WHITE – SHEDDING THE LIGHT

Disabilities and mental health awareness are very touchy subjects with me, as is for many of the social media groups I follow. Disabilities and mental illnesses come in many forms. Unfortunately, when writing a blog/ article, the content may become lengthly, therefore, in this blog/ article, I am going to shed light on a few disabilities and mental health issues.

As I continue to post blogs/ articles. l will begin to define and number them. This should help you know where we are on each topic. Are you ready for the overview?

WHAT DEFINES A DISABILITY?

“The ADA defines a person with a disability as a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities. This includes people who have a record of such an impairment, even if they do not currently have a disability. It is unlawful to discriminate against such persons. Persons with disabilities are also entitled to reasonable accommodations in the workplace.”

  Various Types of Disabilities

Hearing Disabilities: Hearing impairments may result from problems in any part of the ear or the hearing center of the brain.

Learning/Cognitive Disabilities: Auditory Processing Disorder (ADP), Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia, Dyslexia, Language Processing Disorder, Non-Verbal Learning Disabilities, Visual Perceptual/ Visual Motor Deficit, ADHD, ADD, Dyspraxia, Executive Functioning, and memory.

Motor Disabilities: This is the loss or partial loss of function of a limb, body part, that may result in muscle control and weakness. Motor disabilities include paralysis. The types of motor disabilities are associated with neurological conditions, to include multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, stroke, cerebral palsy. Additional motor impairment may come from other parts of the body. A stroke can cause an extreme form of motor impairment called “locked-in syndrome”, which the use of the limbs, eyes, and all other cognitive functions that would normally be voluntary, are lost. This is due to the lower brain or brainstem being damaged. Paraplegics (Tetraplegia), is another form of motor disability. In many cases of paraplegia, neutral interfaces are explored in efforts to restore some functionality of the motor skills. This can include implanting a device in the brain motor cortex.

Mental Health Conditions: This is bi-far one of the most controversial, misunderstood, under-diagnosed, less-treated, monitored and mocked of disabilities in my opinion. Mental health conditions and disabilities can range from manageable to unmanageable. They require the correct diagnoses, treatment plans, and ongoing treatments. The list includes anxiety disorder, mood disorders (depression, bipolar, cyclothymic disorder), psychotic disorders (hallucinations, schizophrenia, delusions), eating disorders (binge eating, bulimia, Nervosa, anorexia. Impulse control issues are considered a mental condition, kleptomania, pyromania, alcoholics, drug abusers, compulsive gambling. Personality disorders are a wide range of mental health conditions and disorders. Personality disorders, dissociative identity disorder (I really want to deep dive into this disorder in the next blog), antisocial personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder. These specific personality disorders mentioned cause the person to be extremely inflexible, they cannot deal with change well, they experience different thought patterns, these disorders often interfere with work, school, and relationships. The obsessive-compulsive disorder causes a person to possess repetitive thoughts or fears, they are prone to retain rituals such as counting how many times they do something, triple-checking locking the door, catastrophic thoughts if a task is not completed in a specific way. They may constantly wash their hands, follow the same routines, and be overwhelmed by unreasonable thoughts and fears. PTSD is topping the list of mental health conditions/ disorders currently. It is a condition that is generally developed after a terrifying and/ or traumatic event. It can encompass a wide variety of life-altering events, from war, sexual abuse, physical abuse, an unexpected or sudden death. The long-lasting effects of PTSD include constant memories and thoughts of the events. Emotionally it can cause the person to shut down. Stress response syndrome ordinarily occurs due to sudden occurrences. Examples are the loss of a job, a death, failed relationship or divorce, natural disasters. The stressors begin to resolve typically within 6 months after the event has taken place. Besides, there is a Factitious disorder, sexual/ gender disorders, somatic symptom disorders, Tourette’s syndrome. Diseases such as dementia, Alzheimer’s, sleep problems or any other conditions that involve the brain, fall into the mental health condition/ disorder category. Psychosis, borderline personality disorder, and what I found most interesting on another site, was the fact that ADHD and Autism are classified as mental health conditions/ disorders.

Autism Spectrum Disorder:  This includes Asperger’s syndrome. Autism spectrum disorder can be low functioning to high functioning. There is also atypical autism. The three main functionating areas include, but are not limited to behavioral, communitive, and social interactions. Each level holds different tendencies and quite frankly, these individuals are highly intelligent, though they often cannot understand communication such as listening and talking. They appear to zone off into their own world. Sensitivity issues are involved, difficulty with touch can occur, noises, autistic individuals are known to be very eccentric.

Visual Disabilities: Include partial/ complete blindness.

Physical Disabilities: Includes limited, temporary, or permanent mobility, motility, stamina, dexterity. There are many types of physical disabilities. Stemming from other diseases as mentioned above, or autoimmune illnesses, brain trauma, neurological, birth, accidental, etc.

In Conclusion

As you can clearly see based on the above lists of disabilities, it would be very difficult to judge someone or assume which condition they may suffer from. Unless you are a medical professional and you have personally conducted many tests on specific individuals, please STOP the labeling. Please STOP the stereotyping. I have yet to even give a more in-depth view or definitive breakdown of the mental health conditions/ disorders. Trust me, they will shock you!

The next time you call someone retarded, bi-polar, say that they have multiple personalities, assume they are autistic or have ADHD, make sure you know what you are talking about. EVERY single person deals with EVERY single one of these disorders/ disabilities differently. Some friends or family members may be dealing with them now and you do not even recognize it.

Disabilities are NOT always visible, and disabilities are NOT always a death sentence. Disabilities/ disorders do NOT stop individuals from having feelings or wanting to live a normal life. Very few people bring these disabilities upon themselves.

Help break the stereotypes and help stop the labeling of mental health disorders/ disabilities and ALL disabilities. Be kind, you do not know to the extent someone has gone through to get where they are at this moment nor do you know how your words will affect them.

Suicide rates are very high amongst individuals with disabilities, especially chronic pain patients and patients in the mental health realm.

Show compassion and be on the lookout for more information on each of these disorders/ disabilities as I jump into a series of research and share information, to better assist you in understanding each condition.

  If you know someone that is suffering from a disability or disorder and can no longer work or needs assistance taking care of themselves, there may be resources available for them, such as short term/ long term disability (if they are still employed).

Additional information can be obtained by following the link below and the application is also online to apply for SSI/ SSDI via https://www.ssa.gov/disability/.

  As always, thank you for reading, please share, subscribe, and feedback is always encouraged.

 Let us hear your story (we all have one)!

  References used for research purposes:

(https://adata.org/faq/what-definition-disability-under-ada)

(https://namica.org/resources/mental-illness/types-mental-illness/)

(https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-types-illness#2)

(https://services.anu.edu.au/human-resources/respect-inclusion/different-types-of-disabilities)

(https://ldaamerica.org/types-of-learning-disabilities/)

(https://www.neuromodulation.com/motor-impairment)

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Disabilities & Mental Health Introduction Disabilities & Mental Health Introduction IT IS NOT ALL IN BLACK AND WHITE - SHEDDING THE LIGHT…

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View It In Your Eyes Don Campbell Lyrics.

Monument from the Guardian Angel from Portugal apparition to the 3 little shepherd kids of Fatima. A kid along with autism who is actually captivated along with unlawful act on TV, is reckoned as a killer behind a collection of murders take place locally. You also might would like to keep this to yourself up until after you are actually pregnant that you were utilizing the details in Lisa Olson's Maternity Miracle to assist you to get expectant. When you cherished this short article and you wish to be given more info relating to mountains in england to visit (click through the following post) i implore you to visit the page. And they were run scared and also started checking the little child however the blood stream was actually certainly not coming from the little kid it was actually originating from the flowers. I got the magic A Training course in Miracles teaches-a real shift in belief. Wonder manufacturing is actually brand-new to a lot of my visitors, because, most of the time, they have been taught that miracles are actually few and far between and also simply a select couple of get to experience the electrical power of miracles Some are actually even under the impact that these select couple of encounter such miracles beyond the personal. It was a little surprising to find the typically therefore high-spirited kid feel so reduced when I saw my child resting grimly in his space. Given that my automobile technician powerfully gave me Pinckney Benedict's Miracle Young boy and also Other Stories after a routine oil modification, I tell you this. Know that we know this our team may start to create a better atmosphere as well as method to affect the choosing truths to whether you conceive a gal or conceive a kid. Over the weekend our team acquired the Rosary from the Kings as well as our team took it over to Give, the 9 years of age boy along with Pontine Glinoma, a very lethal tumor. She informed me that she had actually acquired her miracle and also in prayer she was actually told some one else needed it much more now as well as wished to give the rosary back. Make use of Your Ingenuity - Skin The GiantWhen David initially declared that he would get rid of Goliath, he most likely didn't know just how he was going to perform this. As our team read the account we view that he aimed to use the king's shield, but understood that it will not function (1 Samuel 17:38 -39). Miracle kid Noah was actually born at Newcastle's Royal Victoria Infirmary (RVI) with spina bifida, hydrocephalus as well as simply 2% human brain mass. As the boys examine his ankles, knotty with brilliantly white colored marks, Wonder Child does certainly not claim a thing. Most individuals today give up the type of either funds or even gifts of non-perishable meals products for the local food items banking company, but that wasn't constantly thus. A number of you might have listened to stories concerning exactly how in previous years priests were actually paid for in the form of animals, fruit or even vegetables. Typically in these tales there are actually animals found, as well as usually these creatures substitute for humans which may not be worthwhile of their bipedal skin layers. Right now, years eventually, Alfred had actually come back as well as Father brown Provençal found in the boy the little bit of young boy who had offered him therefore zealously, thus faithfully; he asked him if he had actually ever thought about a job as a theological! One study had revealed that 1 in 3 couple had secretly wished to become pregnant the sex of their choice, and approximately 60% of few were desperate to know how to conceive a child. If you are actually individual which believes all wealthy people are criminals at that point you will simply see and also hear tales as well as expertise wealthy people who are criminals. Let me repeat that: After reading this post and taking action you are actually going to get your sweetheart or even child close friend back. Certainly, Magic Boy is comprised of numerous such minutes, if only to employ silence as a respite coming from a pervasive strain that infects every page. I will definitely start my excellence account through presenting myself to the entire globe as well as were actually i am coming from. Publishers Weekly Benedict's very first assortment from stories since his encouraging if jagged launching (Town Smokes, 1987) is actually an even more accomplished job, creating him one of the most effective younger southern writers - packed with passion and also fully grown sufficient to keep that in control. A lot of these names are unisex, meaning you might utilize it for either a kid or a girl. Yes, the downpour is for the little one yet this is likewise for the moms and dads to share in their delight and also aid them commemorate the miracle of birth or even fostering. An option connected with miracle maternity is actually most definitely made it possible for towards these individuals, leading to trying to acquire maternity wonder. Folks say that's a miracle when the mail shows up within a day from NY to LA, or even a garage quickly appears before your destination, or even website traffic was so poor that was actually a magic" you made that promptly. Britain created its own label on earth of vintage cars in the 1950s with labels including Victory TR2 cars launched in1952 and the Sunbeam Alpine a year later on. Milagro is the male variety from the label Milagros as well as indicates 'wonder.' This title would suit well in with the names implying 'wonder' for children. The remarkable innovation and the awesomely terrifying film along with a meaning is a great flick and also one that presents Burton's creative genius and exactly how X-mas movies typically aren't just the same. I found a lot of spell casters from Africa as well as Asia yet they were all fraudsters. However the boy which was actually illustrated through PMH staff as a fighter" has fired those forecasts clear out from the water. His account is actually exciting, yet more remarkable is actually being actually eyewitnesses to a following of countless trustworthy believers, participating in a three-times-a-year Mass and Healing Event. This in itself was a wonder but that's actually a magic within a magic given that Eve ought to possess been actually a young boy, a twin from Adam, if Adam's YDNA was copied together with each of Adam's DNA. West Midlands Ambulance company paramedics alleviated the young boy at the performance for a fracture to his arm, prior to transferring him to Birmingham Children's Hospital. The wonder included a Brazilian child called Lucas, which was actually amazingly healed with the intercession of the shepherd children. Several moms and dads contact their metaphysical side more than ever after possessing a wonder little one. A wonder associateded with his intercession took place in 1967, when a female, Angela Boudreaux, that was actually identified along with a gigantic malignancy in her liver, was healed. Although his friends acquire gross consequence for their component in the abuse, Lizard's penalty is difficult: He is actually created to invite Wonder Kid to his house to see a movie. Neil Shanahan, which just switched three recently, brokened six stories from a veranda in the Poem Fiber Accommodation last July. To take your magic regulation even more: look at the example of exactly how that changes as well as the best ways to boost it. One more wonder was actually occurring at the verge from the Horseshoe Drops on the American side from Niagara Tumbles at Terrapin Factor. In the movie, The Secret," there's a setting where, after visualizing a brand new bike, a youthful child opens the door as well as, like magic, this exists. This story matters due to the fact that even though he failed he gained from the mistakes he brought in as well as at some point built the goal he always yearned for. Milagre is actually a Portuguese baby child name, indicating 'miracle.' That is actually each upbeat as well as offbeat, as well as Milo will work best as a nickname for Milagre. Roseann informs the rest of the wonder: Physicians mentioned he won't possess a top quality from lifestyle, he would certainly certainly not stroll or even chat or manage to recognize our team, yet he proved all of them all inappropriate and also really left of the medical facility 5 full weeks eventually." What a triumph! Booklist In this very first novel, Benedict continues his expedition of non-urban West Virginia lifestyle begun in his 2 narrative assortments, The Ravaging Garden and also City Smokes. His planet is local, hard, raw, male; these 9 stories deal with the hill males, sheep farmers, and hog raisers of non-urban West Virginia. Little ones of Heaven is actually an Iranian film with subtitles concerning a child who mistakenly sheds his sister's worn shoes after being actually delivered in order to get all of them mended, as well as should share his personal worn out shoes with her in a sort of relay while each joins institution at different times throughout the day. Perhaps there was actually a magic at the temple from Medjugorje, certainly not just for apparent main reasons, however, for that Audrey lived to be 23 years old. It is actually the divine visibility operating by means of you and, kid, what a stunning magic that is! This is actually humbling even to attempt to illustrate the very innovative tales within this assortment. Publishers Weekly Benedict's initial selection of stories given that his fortunate if uneven launching (Community Smokes, 1987) is actually a much more proficient job, establishing him one of the most ideal youthful southern writers - full of enthusiasm and fully grown sufficient to maintain that under control. A number of these titles are unisex, suggesting you could utilize that for either a lady or a kid.