#but i am disappointed how deep into bias they went

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

There's already a lot of good writing about the issues with episode 10 of 23.5, so I'm just going to add:

- people with neurodivergence or disabilities are human beings who deserve to have full autonomy and agency. You don't talk down, you don't do things to or for them without permission - it's infantilizing and you don't have the right.

- pressuring someone to meet your personal standard of "normal" is a cruelty not a kindness.

- you can support and advocate for, you don't talk over or for. Being a safe non-judgmental space is good. Gently encouraging growth is good. Deciding you know what's best for someone without ever discussing it with them is egotistical and rude.

[greenmagic-oilspill]

Spoiler-Free FFXVI review

Going to keep it under a Read More because it’s pretty long...

FFXVI is a really ambitious game, and from beginning to end I was invested in the plot and characters -- but it's missing just a couple of things that would really make it great. It’s a beautiful game, no doubt about it, with an amazing score and environments, rich lore and deep worldbuilding, fun gameplay, and some really compelling characters. When it excels, it really excels. But where it falters, I really felt it. I’ve got some recency bias here, working for and against the game (since I only beat it yesterday), so I’m not really sure how my thoughts will change over time. I’ve definitely changed my opinions of many FF games after revisiting them a second time, so this one could benefit from the same.

I’m going to start with the characters and plot, because those are the most important parts of a FF game to me, but I’ll also delve into the worldbuilding, gameplay, and music of the game.

Characters

With as many cutscenes as this game has, the characters really find their time to shine. It’s primarily Clive’s story, and over the course of the game we really see him change. His development is a bit cyclical in some ways, but there are definitely events that shape him and who he becomes over the story, and he really feels different from every other FF protagonist. I like him well enough – I think he’s among some of the better FF protagonists for sure. Clive shows such a wide range of emotions and his VA did a stellar job of capturing them.

My favorite character in this game is a spoiler, so I’m not going to go into that in this review.

One character I really wanted to like more was Jill. She’s got all the makings of a compelling character and a compelling story, but a lot of the time it just felt like she was there. The other day @faerantstory and I were discussing how they’d heard that every female character in this story fell under the umbrella of “Pure,” “Sexy,” or “Evil,” and at the time, I had just finished a sequence of the story where Jill most certainly veered away from “Pure,” but after that she fell right back into it. And then she was just an ever-present support to Clive who did little else. I liked the part of the story that focused on her a lot, but it felt so brief and they could have done a LOT more with her past that they didn’t do – she just felt so underutilized. To be honest, she feels a lot like Tifa 2.0, for better or for worse.

Benedikta and Hugo were both extremely disappointing. I expected more from them. Without going into spoilers that is all I am going to say. Barnabas too, to a lesser extent – they went in a direction with him that I didn’t really expect and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. Dion, however, was pretty great, and Joshua’s story at the beginning of the game made for a really compelling start. Continuing with the umbrellas that female characters fall under, Benedikta fell under both “Evil” and “Sexy” and not much else.

The villains in general (including the main villain) didn’t really do it for me. The main villain didn’t really do anything new that past FF villains had already done before, and better. Their motivations were interesting and followed the overall theme of the story, and there were some twists, but as a character they kind of fell flat. One of the other villains even felt cartoonishly evil.

Honestly, where this game REALLY shines with its characters is primarily in the supporting cast. This genuinely might be one of my favorite parts of the game. You meet a TON of characters over the course of this game (some might even say too many) and I found some of them more compelling than the characters who got more screentime. The world feels so alive with all of their stories, many of which play out over both the main scenario and also through side quests. Many of these characters live in the Hideaway, the main hub of the game, but just as many appear in the various towns and settlements you visit. They all felt like they had a purpose, and many of them had a surprising amount of depth. I definitely encourage doing all of the side quests and taking the time to talk to them after many of the story beats. Also, none of these really fall under a bland Pure, Evil, Sexy umbrella! That was great! But maybe that’s why they’re side characters. :/

The Plot

It’s hard to really go into it without spoilers, but overall I really liked the plot itself and the structure of it really worked to help tell the story they needed to tell. They had clearly defined goals and the characters never felt like they were simply reacting to everything happening around them. I’ve seen some criticism for the “MMO style storytelling” this game has, and that makes sense coming from the team who made XIV, but if you like the story progression in XIV I feel pretty confident in saying you’d like it in XVI. It feels really similar and follows the same pattern of go to new area -> help people with their problems -> gain the trust of the populace. It worked for me. At times there are parts that may feel like “filler” (I’ve always hated this term because people tend to use it wrong), but all of it helps further the characters or worldbuilding. My biggest problem with it is that at times it felt predictable.

At times things felt really bleak, but it never got too bleak for me, and overall the story has a hopeful message so that really helped.

Worldbuilding

Stellar. The Active Time Lore system is a huge help to understanding and conveying the lore and politics of this game – I can’t stress enough how much I loved that system and the dedicated characters in the Hideaway who discuss these things and tell you more about them. The lore in this world is rich and it feels so alive, as I mentioned earlier with the side characters, who are perhaps the primary reason for it. Everything and everywhere really has such a great atmosphere. The marketing stressed that things would change a lot over the game’s time skips, but I didn’t really feel it to be honest – things changed more after big plot events regardless of how much time passed.

Three of the six nations of this story felt extremely underutilized, though, which was a huge shame. Two of those in particular were being really built up but due to story events nothing really happened.

I don’t know how to describe this criticism, and this is more personal preference than anything, but XVI didn’t really feel like it offered anything “new” or original to the overall series to make it feel like it has its own identity distinct from the others. Every FF game offers some new summon that doesn’t appear in other games, maybe a new marketable/cute/iconic monster, a unique airship or something, a unique race, etc. I don’t know if that makes sense, but every concept introduced in XVI felt like a reference to a previous game in the series (even, to some extent, the main villain, whose very name is a name used before). Because of that it almost feels like it doesn’t stand on its own, in a way.

Gameplay

Battles were a ton of fun once I got the hang of it. Loved how smooth it felt, loved the gameplay changes for certain boss battles. I played with one of the accessories to help with evasion – with it, at times the game felt a little too easy, but that’s not a criticism from me. I like easy. I knew if I took it off I’d have died a lot more often. The battle system itself was the best part of the gameplay.

Customization could have been better – sometimes I felt like I had a lot of options for different Eikon abilities to equip and not a lot of space to equip them, leaving some abilities completely unused despite how I wanted to equip them. Weapons and armor were pretty much always straight upgrades that increased your stats and did nothing else. Accessories had the potential to switch things up a bit and offer some variety, but with only three accessory slots you couldn’t really do much (especially if you have one of the accessibility options equipped, like I did). Character progression was mostly achieved through story events, because leveling up is just a straight stat increase, which I can understand is very boring for some people.

I loved that this game was not open world, and instead used four separate and very large maps. Of those four, one felt considerably smaller than the others though. Open world games tend to be really overwhelming for me, and too easy to get lost, so I typically don’t care for the exploration aspect of a lot of those games. But with these four separate areas, I did actually want to explore them – the problem is, aside from finding beautiful vistas or the locations of certain hunt marks, there was not a whole lot to do. Any treasures to find were mostly just filled with useless crafting materials or gil. Not the highest priority for me, but I can see why people would count the exploration against this game. Speaking of gil, once I got past the early game I almost never had to spend any, so it just kept building up and felt pointless.

My biggest gameplay criticism is the enemy variety. All of the enemies in all of the maps were the same, just in different colors. Every map had crabs, or scorpions, or antelopes, or bandits, or chocobos, or goblins, or spiders, or plant monsters, or a couple different species of dragon, maybe an adamantoise or coeurl. Again, there was nothing new – no fantastical creature that the FF series never introduced before, and many of the series staples (like tonberries and cactuars) were missing altogether. It got particularly egregious when they went as far as to double up on some bosses.

Music

Fantastic, as expected of Soken. Not much to say there. I like his work better overall in XIV, but that’s unfair with the sheer amount of songs XIV has. He was allowed to experiment a bit more in XIV, but in XVI he took some opportunities to use different genres here and there.

Overall - 7/10

I can honestly say I really liked it overall – it’s a beautiful game with really rich characters and lore, and where it excels it really excels. I’m not a big fan of the way it ended but I think that is mostly due to personal preference. There were several unanswered questions and I don’t know if they have plans to go into DLC or even a sequel, and I don’t think there’s enough for that anyway – it ended pretty neatly. I will let this game sit with me and I’ll read up on some discussions from other people to see if my thoughts will change, but I don’t know if I’ll end up liking it more or less.

Thanks for reading this really long review!! I will write up a more spoilery one in a couple of days.

[sublightsleeper]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

@willowmckinley tagged me!

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 74! Man it really doesn't feel like I've written that much.

2. What's your total ao3 word count? 227,559!

3. What fandoms do you write for? Justified and wrestling most often. Then one offs for things that made me crazy.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1) Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot (MCU, Starker). 2) Every Animal Has Rules (Nope, Angel/OJ) 3) I Try To Picture Me Without You (Moon Knight, Steven/Marc) 4) Six Years (MCU, Starker) 5) Fine By Me (Ted Lasso, Isaac/Colin)

It's hilarious to me that that 35 of my fics are Justified and not a single one cracks the top 5.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to! But currently my inbox on Ao3 is 400 deep so uh. I'm working on it! Sometimes I get overwhelmed, sometimes I just don't know what to say in response. But I greatly appreciate every comment I get!

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? So I personally think it's It Matters Where You Live. It's MCD and grief and I went Through It writing it. But if I go with the emotional trauma I've caused on the server, it's Buttermilk.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I had to think really hard about this, because mostly I write smut and sadness. But if I had to pick one, it's probably Every Animal Has Rules because it leaves it on a note of hope and happiness.

8. Do you get hate on fics? So...not directly on Ao3? I've gotten a deluge of 'kill yourself' messages on tumblr in the past, but it mostly just made me more nonchalant about the gross shit I write. But yeah thankfully no mean comments.

9. Do you write smut? Hell yeah I do.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I enjoy them immensely! Haven't written a lot. I think the only one on Ao3 is And Having Been Set Free which is Justified/Supernatural. Because I am a cliche.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I am privileged I guess because I was not even aware that was a thing.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Someone asked once I think? Probably on an MCU fic.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope! But I share the 'Out My Back Door' series with @itookyoudown!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? Oh lord. I cannot do all time. Recency bias my beloved. Currently enjoying Sanji/Luffy/Zoro. Long time loves are Malec, Alfie/Tommy and Givenson.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? A Malec fic based very, very loosely on Crazy Rich Asians. I had big plans and an outline and the final season just took the winds right out of my sails.

16. What are your writing strengths? Oh boy, I am not good at saying nice things about myself. My visuals, maybe? I'd like to think it's my ability to portray emotion, but who knows.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Finishing things. Being hyper sensitive to things most people wouldn't even call criticism. If I write a gift fic (which whoo boy learned my lesson on that one) and it doesn't get the exact range of response I want, it really kicks me in the emotional balls. Which isn't fair to me or anybody else. So I'm really working on 1) finishing things before I post any. And 2) writing for myself so I don't end up disappointed.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I am monolingual. I might slip a curse word in another language but beyond that, I'll go with the tried and true italics.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Oh Jesus. Uh...Dragon Ball Z, I think. Self insert fic at like 12. Yikes. I printed it on fancy parchment paper too.

20. Favorite fic you've written? And Everything Went Black - Wrestling fic, MoxEddie. To this day it's probably my favorite thing I've written. (Stefon voice: It's got everything!) Demon possession, weird visuals, dreams as metaphors and two dudes in love. Nowhere near a popular thing but my beloved.

@fourtacosandaburrito @blizzardsuplex @batboymilo @theaerialassassin @hoodyhoo

[borderlineconfessional]

Pick yourself up kid, I can't bear the weight.

I went to therapy looking for an answer, but failed to see, to understand, to even consider, that the answers would just bring more questions.

I went to therapy yelling "give me a diagnosis, the diagnosis, something that will tell me why". Not really understanding that I was demanding that someone tell me what was wrong with me so that I could nod with satisfaction, so I could have something to point to that would sum it all up. Something I could put on a shelf and look at every day, absolved.

"There, see, that is the reason."

I wanted an excuse, something to blame, something I couldn't possibly be responsible for. Something that I could make someone else's fault; that explained all the heartache, heartbreak, tears and rage, inadequacies, failures, underperformance and imperfection. Something I could push with the toe of my shoe, nudging it with disgust, "see, that is why I am a disappointment and a shame to myself".

Instead, diagnoses I was not prepared for. An explanation that I recoiled from, subconsciously internalized bias, a wave of shame, of hopelessness, a gravity I had not expected to feel the weight of.

Instead, feeling blindsided and angry. You mean to tell me that it's all turned around now, that I'm now responsible for fixing this fucking disaster of a psyche? Now I have to feel these feelings, name them, unpack all of the shit I've shoved down deep into the basement of my heart? Drag it up into the light, molding and stinking of damp and neglect? And I have to pay for the privilege? [Capitalism. Privatized healthcare. Mental health care is a privilege not a right.]

Good god, I have paid so much, and yet I know I will continue to pay for the privilege, with pieces of my soul and torn off scraps of my heart, with my Visa and my tears.

I see that bratty hood kid- dirty knees, freezie stained mouth, that crabapple stealing inner city know-it-all, with an absent woman who calls herself a mother, she tells you that you think you're better and they're less, you think you're something special and above it all- yeah you are going to pay, you have the privilege. [A Visa is a magic wand.]

So, here I sit, with this heavy, wet blanket of a diagnosis. A commonly misunderstood, shunned, pitied, concerning diagnosis. A collection of symptoms, what even is my personality under it all? Who am I under all of the trauma responses, the shield of sarcasm and perfectionism, overwhelming anxiety and self doubt? Picking myself apart, every sentence uttered, every fleeting thought.

I feel hopeful and despondent all at once. I'm responsible. This me that has turned everything they touch to ash, burning it all down even when I don't mean to, like a 6 year old with matches. How am I supposed to be the one to save me from myself? How do I stop burning my fingers with every breath?

There's this childish feeling that everything will be different, like I can walk out into a world of fresh snow, everything bright and clean, not seeing the discarded detritus of my life heaped in dirty corners. Then, realistically [pessimistically], the thought that nothing will really change; snow melts, turns grey, freezes again and solidifies the garbage in the ruts. I'll just learn how to fake it better- step wider and higher, don't slip, don't trip, silent and knowing that the cold can burn just like fire.

[madmonkeysandrum-blog]

BOOKS READ JANUARY 2024

The Trust by M.H. Eccleston It had some more fleshed out characters than a lot of cozies and I will read more in the series. The murder and the reason for getting involved was weak but you can’t have everything. A few clichés and such but. It was alright 3 out of 5 for me.

The Christmas Tree Murders by Andrea Hicks The cover looks great. A fabulous lady ready to drink, dance and solved a murder while looking fantastic. It was dull and poorly written, multiple POVs and I didn’t like anyone. Forgot what era this was supposed to be (hint 1920’s) and thought it was Victorian. Read a little like an early draft. 2 out of 5.

The Poisonous Solicitor by Stephen Bates Read as part of my research as I want to write a cozy set in the 1920’s England. A nice read, made plenty of notes. 3 out of 5.

The Man in the Queue by Josephine Tey I loved the idea of someone getting murdered in a tight packed queue, loved it. The rest of the book? Not so much… someone told me that Josephine Teys stand-alones are better so I’ll give one of those as try. There were some racism in it as well. 3 out of 5 because of the idea of a murder in the queue.

Murder in the Library by Anita Davison A netgalley read. I had read the first book in the series and was as dull as this. There are so many cozies like this. So flat and dull, like trying to get a decent cup of tea by reusing and old teabag and hot water from the tap. I should start avoiding books that look like this (so many) as they are always so bland. 2 out of 5 for me.

Murder in a Chelsea Garden L.B. Hathaway Started out alright but this series is so gloomy and I don’t recall it started out that way. It’s kind of sad and I want more of a flapper having fun and stumbling across a body as a house party. More fun and flair. 2.5 out of 5.

The Queen of Poison by Robert Thorogood Was looking forward to this as I enjoyed the earlier books in the series and the Death in Paradise books but… felt like painting by numbers and the 3 MCs didn’t really have the space they have had in the other books. But for some reason I gave it 3.5 out of 5

Rex v. Edith Thompson by Laura Thompson This was a mess. The author took liberties and was very bias and used 10 words instead of 4. We read the same letters and the author was drawing a lot of stuff out of them than was more like magic to me. Ugh. 2 out of 5.

Elementary, She Read by Vicki Delany I thought this book was old as someone made a faux Sherlock again but it was from 2017. I realized just how tired I am of this kind of character and how hard they are to make likable. Also a Sherlock mind when needed and stupid when needed. 2 out of 5.

The Adventures of Maud West by Susannah Stapleton I loved the beginning of this because I went to Trove because I wanted to see if I could find a female detective in the 1920’s and I found Maud and looked for a book about her. The book starts with the author doing just what I did and finding the same stuff, except for the book so she wrote one. Thanks! 4 out of 5.

Murder in Venice by Martha Bond Very short and very flat. See how similar the cover is with “Murder in the Library”? Dishwater tea. Only good thing was that the MC was not a rich bored society woman but a traveling companion. 2 out of 5.

A Taste for Poison by Neill Bradbury A good glance at an interesting topic as I want to write a cozy. Didn’t go too deep so you’re lost if you’re like me and didn’t dumb it down either. 3 out of 5.

BEST BOOK: The Adventures of Maud West. A lot of fun things and there’s a thing in the book that I will steal for my cozy (but in the notes I will credit Maud for it)

WORST BOOK: The Christmas Tree Murders were probably the worst written one. Really disappointed in Rex V. Edith Thompson as it was more fiction than fact.

CONCLUSIONS: I say I will avoid books with a certain cover but I won’t. Maybe I should try some other genres and break things up a little in February?

[alcappacino]

now that i'm 1) sober & 2) had time to meditate on the movie i'm here w/ some thoughts on maurice (1987) that no one asked for. also technically there are spoilers for the maybe like two ppl that peep this

i will not lie, i did not enjoy the movie quite as much as i thought i would, especially given the hype i've seen for it on tumblr. i might enjoy it more upon rewatch now that i've had the time to think about it, but it's still a touch disappointing.

& i will admit that i have a tad of a bias bc going in, i was mostly watching it for objectifying young hugh grant reasons. but i do think his character was done a little dirty and clive could've had quite an interesting character arc. (that's not to say that i didn't like alec. i will always support a working class king.)

i fully understand why the story went the way it did & how clive and alec represent two sides of handling being gay in edwardian england & how both are crucial to maurice and his development as a character. and as an extention of that, yes of course maurice is the main character, not clive. however i also will not lie that i did not find maurice to be the most engaging protagonist on earth lol, though maybe i would think differently if i read the novel.

i'm not all that bothered anymore that alec and maurice got together in the end bc good for them, but i was gunning a bit for maurice and clive simply based upon how i think they could've gone in an interesting direction together. i was hoping for an arc that included both of them reconciling their sexualities, something that could've been done in a very interesting way considering how deep back into the closet clive went. there are instances in which one person coming to terms with their identity helps someone else, intentionally or not, and i was honestly kind of expecting that to be the situation. alas, it wasn't, but oh well. i am pleased that at least alec and maurice get their happy ending, especially since that happens so infrequently in queer media.

[herstory5]

“Chasing the American Dream”

WARNING!!!! SPOILER ALERT!

There's no doubt that Peele’s “Nope” is a complex and bizarre film with an ensemble of characters and images puzzling to follow. C'mon, let's not pretend! Can we honestly say that we all appreciated this film at our first viewing or even after? What majority of us recognized the message? How many of us sat there in our theater seats after the movie ended perplexed? I have a tremendous degree of admiration for Peele's work, but this one went completely over my head, even more so than "Us," which took us on an unexpected psychedelic trip down the rabbit’s hole. Peele's films invite in-depth analysis due to their abundance of hidden messages, cultural references, and visceral attraction. Nonetheless, his creative imagination is yet again changing course in this feature film, and it is up to the viewers to refocus their lens.

In all honesty, I couldn't help but feel like I was seeing a film adaptation of a storyline from the National Enquirer. Literally had me saying, “Uh Mr. Peele, what the what!?” I left the theater in absolute disappointment. I'll be candid and admit that I've fallen asleep while attempting to rewatch it many times after seeing it come up on HBO Max or Peacock. Hey, don’t fault my transparency folks. However, the film's cinematic display is astounding. I cannot proclaim enough of my sincere appreciation for this African American Studies course, “The Sunken Place…” I can now confidently assert that the film is indeed relevant if you look beyond the sci-fi and supernatural elements. There are mounds of concealed traumas that are unmasking. I am certain that Peele is using his platform to leverage his own fears. Since "Get Out's" overwhelming popularity, Peele has been expected to conform to this paradigm, yet with each film he takes us on a journey unlike the previous one and consistently running the risk of losing his prominence.

Peele is reinventing what it means to be black in film. Contrary to what is often portrayed in the media, he is offering us the exact opposite. The media's previous portrayal of aliens is utterly obliterated by Peele. He's presenting a viewpoint free of racial bias. Black actors finally have a stage to highlight their talents without fear of being insulted. When I was younger, I had limited access to media that featured people who looked like me in leading roles. In doing so, Peele is once again generating new ground. Black ranch owners AND a black queer woman! YAAAS, Peele, come through with the stampede! I also want to remark just how this film's theme—the cost of chasing the American Dream—almost mirrors that of Us.

My interpretation of the repeated use of the term "NOPE" in both "Get Out" and this film suggests that it has a hidden message, much like the scatting and call-and-response techniques used by black artists. It's saying, not today, not tomorrow, it ain’t happening! Hell no! We are no longer falling victim to your white nationalist BS. The spectacle is saying, NOPE! You don’t get to chase me down for your gain. "Don't chase the spectacle" is the film's message. The pursuit of the American Dream may become so all-consuming that it distracts us from appreciating the life for what it’s truly worth. The father of Emerald and OJ was slain with a coin to the head. We can see that Peele was intending to visually emphasize the adage "Don't let money go to your head" (oooh that was deep). The father spent years and years of building a business of training horses for the film industry’s exploitation, which would eventually become his fatal demise.

Let’s take Gordy as an illustration. He's a "monkey," a derogatory term that has a long history of being used against people of African descent. The spectacle that is Gordy is intriguing because of his allure, and he is being exploited for the television executives, cast and crew’s financial gain. His image reflects the African American experience symbolically. Let’s delve into his presumed traumatic backstory. He was taken captive after an abduction in which, most likely, firearms were used. What else would you expect from an experience of that magnitude? PTSD! For Gordy, the answer was a resounding "NOPE!" Let's assume the bursting balloons were the trigger. When you least expect it, how many of you will jump when you hear a balloon burst? Imagine the repressed memories that were triggered by that sound, which reminded him so vividly of his captivity.

Jupe's backstory and the way he lives presently functions as a physical embodiment of “Nope's” central themes and making him almost a co-protagonist of the film. He takes pleasure in revisiting his trauma, but he also has trouble coming to terms with the residual effects of Gordy’s rampage. He has turned his traumatic experience into an income stream, but this will ultimately be his demise. He is responsible for bringing this creature to Emerald, OJ, since he thinks he has some sort of cosmic connection to it. He failed to learn the crucial lesson from Gordy that you cannot objectify or exploit a supernatural entity or animal, just as he does with the Haywood’s horses and the creature. “Everything that glitters is not gold,” is a valuable lesson that Jupe did not learn. Like Jupe, Emerald, and OJ, with the help of two new friends, started following the spectacle. Like Jupe and their father, they were completely absorbed in the pursuit of the same thing that threatened to upend their lives.  As I alluded to before, the film is saturated with a running theme of trauma. Comparably, the film's main antagonist (the creature aka “Jean Jacket”) personifies the notion of spectacle.

To quote one of the films' most powerful lines: "This dream that you're chasing at the top of the mountain, it's the one you never wakeup from." The ultimate sacrifice of reaping the “Oprah shot” comes with at a heavy cost. It's fair to assert that the "Oprah shot" is a metaphor for the "American Dream," and that the concept of the "American Dream"—and the many ways in which people pursue it—can be the true antagonist.

[kaepop-trash]

Omg I finally found someone who writes about johnny and writes stories exactly how i imagine them to be with him. 😩😩🥺

Would you write something like him and you playing catch me or so and y/n gets like so excited when she is running away from him and so.....🙄

I'm glad he lives upto your idea of what Johnny could be. The least he can do while wrecking my one and only bias spot.

I'm sorry for making majorly outdated reference. These are getting increasingly elaborate for being miscellaneous moments with pre-establised characters and that is on me and nobody else. Am I maybe in love with this Johnny? Yes. Am I maybe in love with him period? We'll see.

I hope you like this.

_

Johnny realised that she woke up the moment the covers moved, stirring and turning to face him. He bit his cheek.

"What time is it?" She groaned as Johnny slid into bed.

"A little after one, I'm sorry I woke you up." He whispered as his head fell on the pillow.

She gave him a sleepy smile, eyes still closed. "How was the meeting?" She questioned.

"Great, I landed it." He shifted, wrapping his arms around her. "They'll give me the promotion."

She turned over, burying her face into his neck with a sigh "That's great, baby. I'm so proud of you." She hummed, praising him despite being half asleep.

He smiled, his heart fluttering at the words. He reached up to run his hand through her hair, careful not to loosen her ponytail.

"Thank you." The words fell short of expressing how much her words meant to him. "I love you." He added, his voice softer.

She hummed, kissing his jaw— the gesture sloppy from sleep. He didn't mind one bit.

"You too, Johnny." She whispered, her sleep slowly taking over.

He kissed her hair as her breathing evened out, "Good night." He whispered, the soft smile staying on his face till sleep took over him too.

_

Johnny walked into their bedroom a little past noon, frowning at her. She looked up above the rim of her glasses as he entered, still in bed in her pajamas.

"You're still in bed?" He raised a brow.

"I have left the bed." She raised her brow back, the expression never failing to make his stomach churn, "I'm just back in again." She looked back down at whatever papers she had in her hand.

"Why?" He questioned, walking into the room.

She sighed, "Some papers to proofread and flag. I felt like doing it in bed." She sighed the second time, turning a page over.

Johnny hummed, "I'm going down to the gym. What do you want to do about lunch?" He asked as he went over to the wardrobe to pick out clothes for his work out.

"There is some food in the fridge. I'll reheat it and we can have that. I don't want it to go bad." She sounded distracted but listened anyway while she read through her papers. A habit he always found admirable.

"Okay. I'll see you in a while." He managed to slip into his clothes without her notice, biting down his disappointment at that.

_

When Johnny came back, she was sitting at the kitchen counter with the papers still in her hand.

Johnny sighed, "Is it urgent?" He questioned, leaning over to make sense of what she was doing.

"No." Her eyes remained glued on the pages, "I just want to finish it so I have my Sunday free at least." She squinted at something on the page.

Johnny shook his head with a laugh, leaning over to give her a kiss on the temple.

She raised a finger to stop him before he reached, "I just took a shower, Johnny. You're sweaty." She didn't look up, so he couldn't even give her a pout.

"Cruel." He mumbled.

She cracked a smile, turning to look at him. "Filthy." She retorted with a snort, turning back just as he grinned.

"It's your favourite thing about me." He whispered, inching his hands further to land on her waist.

She bolted out of the high chair and turned to him with a glare. "I told you you're sweaty!" She whined.

Johnny grinned, "Weren't you the one who said that I'm irresistible after a workout?" He licked his bottom lick, "Getting sick of me already?" He joked, voice devious.

She snorted, backing away when he moved forward. "What do you mean 'weren't you the one'? Lots of people in your life telling you these things, Johnny Suh? Maybe you're the one getting sick of me." He smiled playfully.

"Come here and I'll show you."

No. Take a shower first." She pointed to their room. She walked around the couch in their living room, familiar with the space enough by now to navigate it without looking.

"You'll need one too after I'm done with you, you wretched girl." He moved around the couch with her, enjoying the sudden game they were playing far too much.

"My favourite title." She gloated, "I plan to live up to it today. Go shower and let me get back to work. You're an equity partner now, you can be your own boss." She pointed a finger at him, "I still have to listen to mine." She bit her smile.

Johnny put a hand on his hip, "Uncalled for." He gave her a playful glare, "My promotion has nothing to do with this. Other than that I still haven't had a chance to celebrate the only way I want to right now." He took a large step to the left of the couch, his long legs making the move significant. But she was more nimble, moving away quickly to the right with a giggle and remaining firmly opposite him with the couch in between.

"Why don't we really celebrate? I'll go buy that wine you really like and we can go eat at park avenue." She teased him.

"Or you can just come to bed with me. I need to make sure you're not bored of me already."

She stopped moving for a second, "I am never getting bored of you." She said earnestly.

"Never?" Johnny questioned, her words making his eyes glimmer. She shook her head at him. "Not even when I force you to wake up for a run in the morning?" He raised a playful brow.

She took a frustrated breath, "Yeah actually I take that back. You also made me walk from Chinatown to Chelsea." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You're a sadist." She frowned.

He inched closer and she escaped just in time, laughing as she ran towards their shared bedroom. He caught on easily this time, grabbing her by the waist and turning her around, pulling her into his chest.

She whined between her laughs, "Now I'm all dirty too."

He hummed, brushing his lips against her forehead. "I wouldn't have you any other way." He murmured against her skin.

She sighed, melting into his touch. "Pervert." She whispered. He smacked her ass lightly and she laughed breathlessly, lifting her head to brush her nose against his. "See what I mean?" She grinned, winching with a laugh when he did it a little harder this time.

"Bed." He groaned, "Or I'm just going to pin you to the wall." He warned.

She hummed, "I'm not adverse to that idea." She brushed her lips over his lightly then moved it across his cheek.

He wrapped his fingers on the back of her neck and bought her lips back to his, kissing her with eager licks. He guided her steps till her back hit the wall, pulling back only to untie his sweats.

"Don't be in a mood later when your legs are cramped." He warned, looping his fingers into her shorts and pulling them down after his.

"You're already planning on making me sore and I'm supposed to be okay with it?" She questioned, stepping out of her pants with her eyes on him.

"I offered the bed." He countered, tugging at his t-shirt from his back and yanking it off with a swift tug.

"As if that was going to make me any less sore with that inside me." She pointed at his dick. "You used to be so restrained." She clicked her tongue.

Johnny laughed, hands reaching up to undo the buttons of her pajamas shirt. "Don't speak about Monty like that." He tried to bite back a smile.

She dragged her eyes back to him, "Did you just call your penis, Monty?" Johnny nodded. She squeezed her eyes, sucking in a breath and bracing herself.

She opened them with reluctance, "Like, a python?" She questioned. Johnny gave her a proud grin, confirming her worst fear. "I'm breaking up with you." She groaned.

He smirked, "Harsh." He dragged the collar down of her shirt down and leaned down to kiss her clavicle. "I have to admit, I love watching you stumble around sometimes." He mumbled into her neck, "Absolutely wrecked because of me." He licked her neck, making her gasp. "I'll miss that if you leave."

"You know what I miss?" She moved her head to expose her neck to him further, "I miss the first few months we were dating. When you were always soft and gentle. Trying to be all in control of yourself." She deepened her voice to sound more masculine, laughing breathlessly at her own effort.

Johnny chuckled against her jaw, "Do you?"

"Yes." She didn't sound serious.

Johnny pulled away, eyes sparking when he saw the passing disappointment in hers. "So what about when you're demanding me to go harder? Or you're begging me to ruin you?" He raised a brow, quoting things she had very much said before.

She bit her lip, he smiled.

"So you're saying," He paused, watching his finger as he traced it up from her belly button to her lips, pulling the lower one out from between her teeth. "That I shouldn't fuck you into the wall?" He cocked his head, feigning innocence.

He let her take the moments she used to come up with her excuse. "You can't go back now, Johnny Suh. Now I'm hooked on it, the way you snap your hips into mine. You did this." She looked at him through a hooded gaze, eyes blown out.

It was his turn to bite his lips, coming closer till their skin touched.

"Very well," He sighed with mock defeat, looking up to give her a devious look, "You're my boss after all."

"Where's my equity?" She mumbled, making Johnny laugh with the deep throaty voice he got when he was impossibly aroused. He gave her an affectionate smile, one she returned with equal love.

"Jump." He ordered.

She wrapped her legs around him, being held up by his arms on her ass and her hold on his hips.

His eyes melted for a second, something making him think. He looked up at her, "Don't get sick of me." He told her.

She gave him a lost expression, the words having no purchase when she was naked and being held against a wall by him. "So clingy." She licked her lips.

"You did that."

She grinned, resting her head on the wall with a content sigh, "Not even when you make me walk across the Brooklyn bridge." She promised. Johnny kissed her forehead, both their smiles faltering when he entered her swiftly, soft grunts leaving them both.

As he slowly picked up pace, her hands tried to find a grip everywhere before coming back to his shoulders.

"God." She groaned, unfettered. "You drive me crazy, you know that?" Her words tied into his tongue as he wrapped her lips in a kiss. She clenched around him, making his breath stutter as he drew back just enough to keep his lips against hers. "Absolutely fucking insane." She repeated, eyes screwed shut. He closed the non-existent gap and bit down on her tongue, her whine making him twitch deep inside her. Her words felt ironic when he was sure he hadn't felt sanity since that summer they met.

He pulled back to put his forehead on hers, eyes searching her face.

"Everytime I think." He spoke through clenched teeth, pausing to groan as he pulled out. "That I can't love you anymore than I already do." He sighed, wrapping his arms around her thighs with more security, lifting her hips and sliding back into her. The angle made her cry out. "I find myself pleasantly surprised." He kissed her eyelid.

A particularly sharp thrust made them both gasp. Johnny watched her parted lips and furrowed face, "What do I do?" He pulled out and slammed back in, making her moan. "What do with all this love in me for you?" Johnny shuddered, realising with a start that he came without realising.

He increased his pace, reaching down to massage her clit to bring her to her own high. She dropped her head onto his shoulders with a moan, a string of curses leaving her open mouth.

Before he could let her back down, she pulled him in; kissing every inch of his face till he was giggling.

"I love you." She mumbled against his cheekbone, "So much." She kissed his nose, "Sometimes I think I'll burst with it." She kissed his temple. "You tell me what I should do about that." She kissed him.

Johnny laughed against her lips, the words making joy bubble to his throat. There was something he could think of, it was just a matter of when he would ask.

_

Send me an ask about a character from one of my fics in a scenario and I'll write a drabble.

Character from: Unintended Consequences

[bokutosworld]

perfect match | miya osamu

a/n: i am so thrilled that haikyuu is back!!! can’t wait to see more of inarizaki and (excuse my bias) osamu!!!! <3 so here’s a very self-indulgent piece in celebration of their comeback haha 

pairing: miya osamu x f!reader

wc: 2.6k words of fluff and bit of angst if you squint lmfao.  

summary: in which you and osamu go in circles, walking the fine line between keeping the friendship or taking the leap in your relationship. inspired by the prompts: “It’s you, it’s always been you.”  + “Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

--

'for the last time, i am telling you oyakodon cannot be better than katsudon. nothing beats a good crisp, deep-fried pork or chicken over a steaming bowl of rice,' you said, putting your lunch tray on the table with a thud and settling on the bench.

'yeah, sure. but they're basically the same thing,' he slips in the space next to you, placing his food and getting his chopsticks ready. 'they're both donburi meals, only difference is how they're prepared. what matters is they're both delicious.'

taking a spoonful of your meal, you chew fast before deciding to answer back, 'i know that.' you pause to catch your breath, earning a worried glance from osamu as if he telling you to eat slowly. 'but katsudon just ranks superior. end of discussion.'

the both of you, cooped up in your own conversation, were oblivious to the stares and smirks of your friends in the table. atsumu, deciding to be the braver among the peers, cuts through the silence. 'you know, we could hear you bickering from the queue all the way here,' a hint of tease evident in his voice and osamu smacks his twin.

suna perks up, joining the conversation, 'that's like the third discourse they had today, man. and it's only lunchtime.' the rest of the group laughs and shakes their head, as atsumu adds, 'will there ever be a day where we enjoy some peace and the two of you just quietly get along?'

you share a look with osamu who simply shrugs and continues to chomp down (albeit rather cutely) his food. your friends weren't wrong but it's not like you and the boy hated each other's guts. your close friendship with him was comfortable, so much so that the two of you would talk and argue literally about anything. but as always, there were no hard feelings in those moments of disagreements.

it's just the way it has been since the day you met the twins in middle school. they were both kind and took care of you like their little sister. but somehow, you found yourself growing more attached with the quieter twin. there was something about conversing with osamu that made you feel like you can open up to him about anything. he was smart, a good listener, a natural conversationalist that he always had something ready to answer to your quips. he would always indulge whatever topic you brought up and challenge your ideas and beliefs - the latest one being the katsudon versus oyakodon dispute.

you notice the piece of rice stuck in the corner of osamu's mouth, and you were just about to wipe it off when hikari calls out your name. your hand falls limp on your side and you turn to her, 'what's up?'

'are you free this weekend? i was supposed to set up my cousin on a blind date with my co-worker but she just informed me that she can't go. they have exams this week. so,' she purposely dragged on her words, weighing if would consider being the substitute. raising an eyebrow at her, you completed the sentence for her, 'so, you want me to go on the blind date?'

she beamed, clasping her hands together as if she was reciting a prayer. 'please! i will owe you my life, this is a one time thing, i swear! i made him a promise. you know how i hate breaking promises.'

osamu took note of the way you sighed and how your shoulders slumped at your friend's request. you were never one to say no, you always found it difficult with your kind-hearted nature. so it wasn't a surprise to him when you turned and asked, 'we don't have anything planned for this weekend, right?'

truthfully, osamu wanted to say that you did have some sort of hangout planned. he didn't know why he was finding it hard to say no right now, so he was relieved when his brother spoke. 'you should be free, y/n,' swinging his arm around his twin's shoulders, atsumu looked at him and smirked. 'besides, we have a practice match this weekend. we wouldn't be able to do the usual hangout 'til after 6pm.'

this made you exclaim, 'great! you can give that guy my number then!' hikari proceeded to tell you the details - it was happening on saturday. she already arranged for the meetup time and place to be 10 am at the subway station near the park.

as hikari continued to talk to you about your date, osamu couldn't help but listen in on the conversation and take note of the details. he didn't miss the way your eyes lit up at the mention of your date's name - taichi - to which you remarked that it was 'a handsome name.' osamu rolled his eyes at that. lost in his own thoughts and conflicted feelings about your blind date, he wasn't able to control his facial reactions anymore - a slight look of envy and disappointment ghosting over his features and atsumu was enjoying every bit of it.

weekend arrived and to say that you were excited for the blind date was an understatement. you were looking forward to it, the evidence seen in the way you have prepared your outfit (with the help of osamu who you video called last night). as your closest friend, osamu tried his best to be thrilled and happy for you. he knew you have been wanting to experience a first date for a while now. but a feeling was gnawing at him, a feeling that wishes it was him who was taking you out on that weekend. nonetheless, he gave you a pep talk and reminded you to just have fun and be yourself.

so here you are now, standing in the middle of the station and waiting for your date. it wasn't as crowded as you thought it would be so you kept an eye out for taichi. he texted you just before you left, informing that he would be wearing a denim jeans and black jacket. keeping your eyes peeled for a person who fit that description, you see a shadow of a person jogging across the station and a voice calls out your name.

'y/n!!!!' you spot taichi running over to you, he crouches to try to catch his breath when he reaches you. when he's calmed down, he immediately apologizes, 'i am so sorry. have you been waiting long?' you assure him that it's fine and after a few minutes of back-and-forths of apologies and assurances, you two go on your way to your first stop: brunch.

taichi was indeed as handsome as his name initially suggests. he's got a boyish charm to him, and it would be a lie to say he wasn't drawing you in. all throughout the brunch, he proved to be someone who can keep a conversation with you. it was one of your worries that your date would find you boring, but osamu told you would do fine. thankfully, taichi could hold his ground with you, very much like your best friend who can immediately answer your witty quips with his own humorous comebacks. in your mind, the two boys were very much like and you couldn't wait to tell this to osamu.

after eating, he brought you to an aquarium. your genuine excitement made taichi smile as he shared that it was worth an effort asking hikari what you wanted if he could see you exude so much happiness. you made a face and hit him, 'i didn't know you were cheesy. thank you.' he then led you two inside and spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the huge aquarium, in awe of the different fishes and feeling if you were lost in the underwater.

but all good things come to an end. by the time your date ended, it was already 6:33 pm. though it was still early, you had a curfew of 8 pm and taichi offered to accompany you home.

dropping you off at the front gate, he looked at you, hopeful, 'i had a really fun time today. hikari did great by setting me and you up together.' you laughed at this, admitting you've almost forgotten that this was a blind date, 'it's like i've known you forever!' despite the surroundings being dark already, you didn't miss the movement of a shadow just a few blocks away. you had a hunch as to what or who it was, and you couldn't wait to expose them.

'well, i don't want to keep you out any longer,' taichi began saying his goodbye. 'i'll text you when i get home. we should do this again.' your attention was brought back to the boy in front of you and you chuckled, 'don't be a stranger! just text or call me anytime, okay?' taichi began walking back to the main street, and he waved as you shouted your last farewell, 'be careful on the way home.'

when he finally turned to the street, you cleared your throat and called, 'you can come out of your hiding spot now, dumbass.' the person you were referring to sheepishly moved where the light can cast over him, revealing, 'osamu.' he could see the way your eyes glinted with a hint of mischief and he knew he wouldn't be able to escape your interrogation.

you ran up to him and tackled him, poking his sides which made him fall into a fit of laughter. he took your hands to make you stop, 'stop that.'

'how long have you been hiding out there,' you ask osamu. it wasn't impossible to miss the tinge of blush on his cheeks, your question obviously caught him off guard. 'well, osamu? are you gonna answer me or are you just going to keep staring into space?' you wave your hands in front of him, but he quickly gets hold of them and laces his fingers with yours. it was a usual gesture between the two of you, but right now, why did it feel so intimate?

after moments of silence, he speaks up, 'did you have fun on your date?' his eyes boring right into your soul and you swore your heart started beating faster. for some reason, you couldn't answer right away, your voice somehow betraying you at that moment. 'it.. it was nice.'

osamu continued to stare intently, waiting for you to finish. so you went on, 'they're a good person. he's very funny, you'd like him too, you know! he surprised me by taking me to the aquarium,' at this point, you were rambling just to avoid the awkward silence. 'it was so big, osamu! you'd like it there too. and then -'

'will you take me there with you?' now your heart was threatening to beat out of the chest. osamu was rarely serious with you, and right now, you could feel that he wants to say more but he's restraining himself.

you already had an idea of what he was trying to say. the butterflies in your stomach was starting to go wild at the thought. but you wanted to hear it from your best friend himself, so you feigned ignorance, 'what do you mean, osamu?'

the grip on your hands tightens and he pulls you a little closer to him. osamu wants to say that he wishes it was him who saw your smile in the aquarium, who you talked with nonstop in the cafe, who you exchanged stories and laughter with throughout the day. he wants to say that it should have been him who took you out on your first date. all these emotions and words were too much for him, so he takes a deep breath and rests his head on your shoulders instead. perplexed at his actions, you immediately wrap your arms around his waist. 'osamu? are you okay?'

'yeah, let me just stay like this for few minutes.' he buries himself deeper in the crook of your neck, getting lost in your familiar, comforting scent. he knows why he was acting like this and he was screwed. he loves you, but he doesn't want to risk ruining the friendship you have built. after a while, he stands up straight, shooting you his signature smile and ruffles your hair.

'thanks, i was just really tired from the practice match. i guess i missed our number one cheerleader.' he steps away and begins to walk home, but he doesn't get too far when you shout, 'are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you've been dying to ask me?'

he stops in his tracks. this time, you close the distance and he feels your presence behind him. 'come on, osamu. no secrets, right?' at this, his resolve breaks and a dam opens, his unrequited feelings for you finally flowing out in the open. osamu turns around and engulfs you in a warm embrace, and you just know.

'if you wanted to ask me out, you could have just asked me you know,' you tease him. flustered at you what just said, he looks at quizzically, 'how...'

'you're not very subtle, osamu. and the stunt you just pulled tonight basically confirmed you like me too,' you hope he caught your words at the end. because honestly, while being best friends with him has been the best thing to happen in your life. you've always wondered what it feels like to take the next step in your relationship with him.

it takes him a while to register your remarks and when the realization sets, he finally asks, 'since when?' the question was vague, but you knew what he was referring to if the hopeful look in his eyes was anything to go by. so you take a courageous leap, finally crossing that bridge to move to something more. you caress his cheeks, osamu leaning close to the warmth of your hands, 'it's you, osamu. it's always been you.'

he finally closes the gap, bringing your body to his in a tight hug, as if he was afraid to let you go. you stay like that for a few minutes, the passersby cooing at the 'lovely couple' on the street. he pulls away for a quick second, then all of a sudden, he was leaning in. your eyes instinctively shut, waiting for that sensation on your lips, but instead you feel him press a tender kiss on your forehead. he was always a man of few words and through his actions, you know that everything will never be the same again, but it was the kind of change that you have always hoped for.

so when you two go to school the following week, holding hands and finally not bickering in the morning, everyone in your friend group was dumbfounded. again, his twin was the only one brave enough to point out the difference, 'took you guys long enough. congrats, osamu! i knew you had it in you!'

hikari wanted to ask you about taichi, but after the date, the boy has already his expressed gratitude and shared how he felt that your thoughts were occupied by someone. and certainly, looking at you and osamu now - sitting by each other's side in peace and in your own love bubble - it seemed that you have already found your perfect match.

[agent-cupcake]

I am very disappointed that Nobara is so high up on your list, but then again I seem to be the only person in the fandom who hates her (she's just so OBNOXIOUS for no reason). Still, I had some hopes since we're both also Ingrid haters. :P

WHAT NO this is the hill I’ll die on

Especially comparing her to Ingrid! Like, I dislike Ingrid for being a virtue-signaling hypocrite who dictates how people should think and act without any introspection and often makes situations about herself, right? Also, she’s just... painfully bland and based on a trope I have a bias against.

But Nobura? Truthfully, I went in thinking I wouldn’t like Nobura because girl in Shonen, but I really love this weird, loud girl. She’s brash and sometimes rude, but it’s all honest. She knows who she is and lives without forcing her ideals on others. To clarify, I don’t see her acting superior or being judgemental as virtue signaling or being hypocritical, I never get the impression that the manga/anime is telling me that I have to like and agree with her when she’s being a pest. Those interactions aren’t meant to guide people to the “right way” of thinking or acting, Nobura is just a loud and performative and occasionally unpleasant type of person. That is who she is. Personally, I dig that. Her unapologetic authenticity and insistence on expressing her identity in all things is something I really gravitate towards. Plus, it’s not like it’s just talk. Her stubborn and loud confidence is backed up by skill, an iron will in the face of conflict, and an awful lot of that “crazy” that Jujutsu Sorcerers need to have. Her quirkiness and obnoxious behavior don’t feel like they’re just there to prop up a bland character as with many anime girls, those traits (which aren’t really portrayed as good or bad, Nobura is just too self-centered to care when people respond poorly... plus, the other characters are equally awful in much of the same way) are entirely necessary because otherwise the “crazy” would just come out of nowhere. Instead, all of these traits come together synergetically. Besides, her personality is never so obtrusively obnoxious that it messes with the story, at least not in any way that I find to be infuriating. Which, trust me, I have a low threshold for that kind of thing. 

Whereas Ingrid fails to treat people with any sense of compassion and maintains this holier than thou ignorance of their feelings, Nobura is genuinely sympathetic with Maki, Megumi, Yuuji, and Saori. She picks the people who matter to her and lowers her performative mask for them, expressing emotion (something she’s clearly not super comfortable with), being honest about her feelings, and offering support even if she’s not super great at it. Not to mention that she’s fiercely loyal. Not in a cheap way that’s all talk for the sake of chivalry, but in the extremely real, dirty, and unquestionable ride or die kind of way. It’s obvious that Nobura cares, genuinely and unselfishly cares, about her friends. 

To me, Nobura being unlikable in so many ways makes her more likable because her unpleasant traits make her more human and relatable. There is plenty that is good and likable about her to even that out. She’s well-rounded. Ingrid panders to an audience who enjoy Lady Knight Waifus and is predictably generic, but Nobura is a person made up of good and bad traits who acts in accordance with that defined and unique personality. I wouldn’t really say that there’s one specific trope you can point to and say that Nobura is a cookie-cutter copy of it, nor would I say I know of many other characters who are the same as she is. I guess that’s the crux of my argument: Nobura is a fully realized character. Both in the sense of being a character and as a person in the context of the story. Moreso than many of the other characters, Nobura doesn’t have some deep twisty identity crisis, she easily accepts the person she is and her personality is clearly portrayed through every one of her interactions. I find her enjoyable as a character and as a person there’s a lot about her that I personally relate to. It’s not like you have to like her, obviously (lord knows how many fan favorites I dislike), but I think it’s a disingenuous reading of her character to compare her to a poorly realized trope like Ingrid, especially when the core components of their characters are so radically dissimilar. 

[magioftheseas]

Sonia & Yasuke

Summary: Sonia Nevermind’s FTEs in the SDR2 Protagonist Matsuda Yasuke AU. FUCK YES. A slightly divergent take on the originals.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Language. Brief discussions of cults and kidnapping.

Notes: Sonia was neck and neck with Tanaka for the poll and I was going to do hers soon anyway, so I just went ahead. Sometimes, life just shakes out that way. I really do love Sonia so much. The bias is strongest for Sonia, so I really hope I did her justice. Only the best for our kween. (Btw, the formatting for this couldn’t fully carry through so some stylistic choices on Ao3 are absent here.)

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

Commission? Donate?

He supposed he had been in an antsier mood than usual. In one hand, he read his manga. In the other, he played with and twirled around a pen. He’s practiced enough that he doesn’t need to look. It’s just something for his other hand to do. Something that would, ideally, work off some jitters.

He had almost been too worked up to read. Unfortunately, he’s still having a hard time trying to get into the book. He can’t tell if it’s because the story is dragging itself or because he’s just not in the right headspace. What a nuisance.

He catches the pen between his knuckles, tapping the end against the table. A surprised gasp. A round of applause. Matsuda glances over his book to meet the beaming face of a certain princess. Even in a hotel this cafeteria this tacky, she shone like a precious jewel.

What a nuisance. Except—

“So impressive, Matsuda-san!” she squealed. “You truly have fury skillz, yo!”

I guess of all the people here, she’s the most tolerable.

“Impressive, huh,” he mused. “I could probably twirl a scalpel, too.”

“Ooh!” Sonia clasped her hands. “Matsuda-san! Will you perform?!”

“No.” He shook his head. “I’m not going to risk cutting my fingers just to show off. I’ll twirl the pen some more.”

“Oh, I understand...” Quieting, Sonia still watched him twirl with intent eyes. It’s like he’s center stage at an opera house. Sonia hums and her fingers even twitch along. “Matsuda-san, such talented fingers... I truly do applaud you.”

Matsuda flipped the pen, catching it before it fell to the ground. Sonia let out another gasp and clapped some more, giggling.

“Bravo, bravo!”

Jeez. She’s so likable that it’s sickening.

It’s almost like he wouldn’t have a choice in the matter should the two of them become friends.

I guess...there are worse relationships to be forced into. Even if I already have a headache.

Still, the mood couldn’t help but be lightened whenever Sonia laughed. Scary.

--

His fingers were a bit aching, and holding a cold drink alleviated some of the stinging. Sonia, ever the prim and proper young lady with her mouth shut, simply sipped tea from across the table. The picture of elegance. Even in a cafeteria this tacky.

But it’s not like any location short of the azure sky and sapphire ocean could do someone like her justice.

“This island truly is sublime,” Sonia hummed. “The weather is always so serene, and the ocean is as blue as it is endless! Truly! It’s a perfect resort, wouldn’t you say, Matsuda-san?”

“I don’t know if I’d go as far as to say perfect,” he replied. “There’s a little too much fucking walking. I’m not big on sweating.”

Even if big hospitals had fancier equipment, I still hated having to rush back and forth.

“To be more contained can have its benefits,” Sonia agreed good-naturedly. “Still, I must say I am quite happy with what we have.”

Matsuda hummed right back.

Happy...

“Situation could be better,” he said. “Would really fucking love if we weren’t being held hostage by a homicidal fucking bear.”

“Indeed,” Sonia agreed solemnly. “Quite regrettable.”

Matsuda waited for her to continue, but she merely took another elegant sip. Still the picture of calm. Sonia’s eyes do flicker open and it’s then that Matsuda takes notice of the color. They’re a clear, soft green. It’s a unique shade. One he thinks he’s only seen in...

“As long as no murders take place, everything will be alright,” Sonia spoke with conviction. “What happens next...will depend on our own inclinations and choices.”

I shouldn’t compare them too much.

“That’s a reductive way of looking at it,” he said. “Even if we have the resolve, I don’t doubt that our hands are going to be forced.”

Sonia slammed her cup onto the table. It cracked just the slightest bit.

“Then, we should cooperate with one another so that we can return home as quickly as we can,” she said sunnily. “Matsuda-san, I trust you to tell me any ideas you may come up with. I shall do what I can.”

“Well...” Matsuda directed his stare towards one of the security cameras. “We’d first have to come up with something to do about those.”

“If we simply shattered them, we would get punished severely,” Sonia recalled, lamenting as she did. “We would have to act... And perhaps...”

She dropped into lower mumbles that Matsuda couldn’t make out. Perhaps out of precaution, in case they were being recorded. Matsuda watches her sink deeper and deeper into thought.

Even she can’t be serene and optimistic all the time. She’s still managing better than anyone else here.

“Do you understand, Matsuda-san?” she asked, tone serious. “Or must I repeat myself?”

“If you did, it’d have to be a little louder, so it’d be better if you could write it down discretely and pass it to me later,” he said, sighing. “It’s a little too risky discussing anything out in the open.”

Sonia clapped with glee.

“A handsome remark! This is why I know I can rely on your intelligence and wit, Matsuda-san.” She gave a few nods of approval. “It might be better for our moral to chat amiably for now.” With a dazzling smile, she then inquired, “Is there anything you’d like to ask of me?”

Matsuda blinked at her.

“Not really.” I am curious about one thing. Given the circumstances, it’s best to hold off on that. “What about you?”

“There is something! That I AM quite curious about!” Sonia exclaimed, suddenly excited. “Who has captured your heart? And who do you plan to settle on?!”

Matsuda stared.

“...?”

His head tilted in confusion, so Sonia went on to explain.

“This situation—it is similar to The Summer Story of Seven Men and Seven Women, wouldn’t you say?! The standard practice, then, is to start wavering and swapping partners!”

“The...J-drama?” he asked, no less confused but Sonia was more incited regardless.

“No just the J-drama, the legendary J-drama! The original trendsetter! Starting with an upbeat tone... Before shifting to surprisingly serious!” she swooned. “I couldn’t believe my eyes, and yet I couldn’t look away! Momoko’s feelings...! Wow, so intense!”

“Uh-huh...” Matsuda’s eyes rolled back. “Well... I’m not sleeping with anyone on this stupid fucking island, so it’s not going to be that similar. That, and there are more guys here than girls to begin with...”

“That is true!” Sonia gasped. “Someone will have to be unlucky! I wonder... Who it will be...?”

Didn’t I just say I wasn’t going to...? Not to mention some of the guys flat-out wouldn’t be interested. Although I don’t think that’ll keep someone from being unlucky, huh...

It looked like he wouldn’t get in another word in edgewise.

This still isn’t going to fix the declining birthrate.

At least Sonia seemed to be having a hella time theorizing. Matsuda just let her...do that.

--

“I managed to find a couple of books on Novoselic,” he said, setting the stack of books on the table before a sparkly-eyed Sonia. “Since we don’t have the internet, this was the best I could scrounge up and even then I don’t know if they’re all that accurate.”

“Oh, Matsuda-san, I would have told you anything you needed to know!” She does take one of the books. “That said, I recognize this author. You can trust them! Oh, but this one...” She takes another, frowning. “If I recall... No. You should not trust this one at all. In fact, I would burn every copy of this book.”

“I could kind of tell from the tone,” Matsuda hummed, setting it apart and pushing it far away. Sonia’s frown was still a deep mar on her face. “So, these books are accurate?”

“As I have said, Matsuda-san, I do not mind telling you about my country,” she said, smiling again. “Or! Is this courting? I’m afraid I will have to sadly decline, much as this feels like something out of a J-drama...”

She says while looking disappointed in herself...

“It’s more that I thought you should know what other people are writing about your country,” he said. He paused. “Ah, I guess that was pretty presumptuous of me.”

“Not at all!” Sonia shook her head. “Awareness and control of the media are essential! Not to mention you have informed me of quite the pressed issue! I will have to take care of it when I return...is what a responsible, attentive ruler would say.” She sighed. “Sadly, I will have to inform others and hope for the best.”

She has said in the past that she’s more of a figurehead than a leader.

“That’s a part of being young,” he remarked. “Don’t let it get you down too much. Just prepare for the future to the best of your ability.”

Sonia does giggle at that.

“Matsuda-san... Sometimes, you remind me of the male lead in a J-drama.”

“No comment.”

She laughs again. “In my humblest opinion, the best J-dramas are the ones aimed at women between the ages of 20 to 34. Just before Japan’s economic bubble burst! You would not believe how many times I have seen I Will Arrest Your Eyes! Why, when I first arrived in Japan, the first thing I did was run across the Spain-zaka!”

As fascinating as that all is, what gets my attention is...

“Hold it. Were you calling me mature or were you suggesting that I speak like an old man?”

“You certainly do have a worldly weariness to you, Matsuda-san,” Sonia went on to sigh. “Broody and broken down by life... While it would be attractive on the screen, it is worrisome and exhausting in person.” She perked right back up. “But have no fear! For a fairly dreamy maniac will someday come into your life! And the two of you can partake in the ritual entrapped within the blizzard!”

“I hate the cold,” is Matsuda’s only reply to whatever the fuck all of that was.

“Then when will you cuddle under a blanket in the nude?!” Sonia gasped, aghast. “Will you do so at a different temperature?! Is the blizzard not necessary after all?!”

“First off, you’re referring to a cliché rather than a ritual,” Matsuda said, waving his hand. “Shouldn’t the fact that it was happening during a damn blizzard tipped you off? Not every couple is going to go to the fucking mountains.”

“So...” Sonia quieted. “It is not like the Makango?”

The Makango? Matsuda remembered. Ah, the Makango.

“We don’t have anything like that as far as I’m aware,” he said. “Mind you, I’m...not aware of much...”

Thinking about this gives me a headache. Actually, it really, really fucking hurts right now.

“I see...” Sonia pursed her lips. “So peculiar. Oh!” She blinked, realizing. “Matsuda-san, you look pale.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles, rubbing his forehead with a wince. “I think... I’m gonna check out.”

“You should check out what’s wrong with you!” she exclaimed. “Do better for yourself, Matsuda-san!”

“...right.”

On that note, there wasn’t anything else to do but stumble out.

--

It’s another calm day at the library. Sonia, however, snaps up immediately when Matsuda walks inside. It’s scary how alert the princess is, but that was probably a good thing considering her situation. Matsuda sighed, waving and taking in how she lit up and eagerly saluted him.

He also takes notice of the book that Sonia had been reading. The cover—looks quite gruesome.

“How are you feeling?” Sonia asked kindly. “You are not in pain, yes? Matsuda-san?”

“I’m doing fine,” he said, stretching as he makes his way over. “I’ve been dealing with headache after headache since I got here, so I’ve gotten used to them.”

“I see,” Sonia murmured, downcast and sympathetic. “I will trust you to your own mechanics.”

“Devices,” Matsuda corrected without thinking as he seated himself. “Anyway, I’ll be reading. Don’t mind me.”

He does pull out a manga he brought with him—the library was just a better environment for reading than the cafeteria hence him making the trip. He cracks it open, but he doesn’t get very long to enjoy it. He gets maybe five minutes before there’s a nudge at his side.

He ignores it, but Sonia elbows him with enough force that he nearly yelps. With a now throbbing side, his gaze drops to see a folded-up piece of paper tucked between Sonia’s delicate fingers. Her nails are perfectly manicured yet polished to give off the illusion of natural beauty.

Hm.

He takes the paper, unfolding it and—

What do you know about the occult?

Sonia is feigning innocence. She’s scarily good at it. If not for the flicker of her intense stare to his, he wouldn’t have suspected a thing. That...and his side still...stings. Seriously the princess had a bony fucking elbow.

“Princess. What the hell is this?”

“Shush!” she ordered and he dutifully shut his mouth without a second thought. Sonia looked around discretely, lowering her voice as she leaned in to whisper into his ear. “Any information you have on cults would also be appreciated, Matsuda-san.”

No, seriously, what the fuck?

He does try to make sense of it. If Sonia felt the need to convey these questions inconspicuously, then, maybe—?

He takes out a pen and writes down his response. He hands it under the table for Sonia to read.

Do you think our kidnappers are part of a cult?

“Oh!” Sonia gasped. “I never thought of that! What a fascinating theory!”

Guuuuuuess not.

“If it just interests you, you don’t have to be so fucking secretive,” he griped. “Just ask me outright like a normal fucking person.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she apologized quickly. “I truly didn’t think the way I was conducting myself was...regal. They pass notes like so in the dramas. Is that not normal behavior, Matsuda-san?”

Oh.

“I...no, actually...” Matsuda shrugged helplessly. “I...guess that is in fact a way high schoolers communicate sometimes...”

I haven’t gone to a normal high school...or a normal middle school for that matter.

“It is quite—unheard of if not prohibited for a princess to have such interests,” Sonia sighed. “But even if it is forbidden, my heart still longs for more when it comes to the subject of Freemasonry! Oh, but it’s purely academic!” She looks quite serious as she insists, “I could never dream of conspiring against the government.”

“A lot of people do find that stuff interesting,” Matsuda said. Sonia lit up only to deflate when he added, “I don’t think it’s that deep.”

“No?” Her head tilted. “You think it...kiddy?”

“In a way,” he admitted. “Cultism comes about through societal failings and instability. Political turmoil, lack of education, paranoia, peer pressure... People long for a sense of community by nature and they’re drawn to a charismatic figure who knows how to prey on the insecure and vulnerable. People just want someone else to tell them what to do, what to think, like fucking children and obviously, obviously, they get taken advantage of by the worst fucking types...”

Sonia’s eyes were wide.

“Oh! Matsuda-san, have you been in a cult before?!”

Matsuda immediately jolted. For some reason, he broke into a sweat. For another, his head hurt so much that he wanted to shut down then and there.

“...Matsuda-san?”

He needed to grip his hand and will them to stop shaking.

“...I... No.” He shook his head firmly, digging his nails into his arm, would’ve raked them through the flesh if not for the sleeve of his coat. “It’s, uh, just something I read one time.”

“You are looking quite pale,” Sonia remarked worriedly. “I apologize, Matsuda-san. I—think we should drop the subject for now. I do not wish to cause you untoward pain any longer.”

She draws back from him as if he’s too fragile to be near. It’s seriously annoying, especially when not only does Sonia look stricken with guilt, she also looks lonely.

“I...” He swallowed. “While I don’t think much of it, I do think it’s important to understand. It isn’t productive to just...dismiss it wholesale.”

Sonia does perk up.

“I agree,” she says, albeit tentative as she does. “To dismiss a different sense of values due to ignorance is foolish. Such ignorance leads to bloodshed. And—it is important for a member of the royal to expand one’s knowledge.”

He nods.

“I just...” He wants to bite his tongue clean off. “I guess it’s a sore subject for me...”

But w̴̟̹̠͐̿̋ḧ̶̟́y̷̘͓͛?

“I understand.” Sonia nodded back. “I apologize.”

“It’s fine,” he said. “Just...do what you can to guide your people right.”

With that, he gets up.

“Sorry,” he said, acting on autopilot now. “I need to go.”

He doesn’t look back.

--

“Oh, Matsuda-san!”

As usual, Sonia looked delighted to see him.

“What a pleasant surprise!” she exclaimed, every word dripping with sincerity. “Come, come! Sit with me! There is much I wish to discuss with you!”

“Yeah?” The closer he comes, the more she can see her stack of books. Quite a few of them have been shoved away, but the other titles—there actually seemed to be a couple of romance novels and recognizable manga. “What about...?”

Those are titles that have been adapted into TV dramas.

“The friendship between men and women as depicted in Turn On The Heart,” she explained. “If you do not know that title, then will a different J-drama suffice? Perhaps one of these?”

She offers one of the manga. Her intentions are clear, and he truly appreciates the gesture—but he’s read that title. It was one of the worst fucking things he ever skipped through. The love interest in it was just scary. And he was a spoiled rich brat. Urgh.

But the princess really isn’t that bad. She’s really trying to get along with me. Not a lot of people have done that unless they wanted in my pants or something.

He’s not so fucking full of himself that he’d assumed a goddamn princess would be interested. That, and he’s conscientious of that shit to begin with. Sonia was just friendly, not flirty.

“I do mostly read manga,” he said. “I guess I could recommend a title or two that’s been adapted?”

I haven’t watched a lot of dramas actually. I’ve had them going on in the background, but that’s...

His sharp eyes do notice the titles that Sonia had pushed away. They were various studies on cults throughout history. And an anthology on ghost stories.

“Matsuda-san.” When Sonia spoke, her tone was low. She stood up and bowed, making him jump. “I wish to sincerely apologize from the bottom of my heart! If I could, I’d throw myself at your feet! Alas, it’s improper for a princess...! I’m so fucking sorry!”

“Wow.” He didn’t even know how to respond. “If this is about what happened last time, it’s fine. It’s water under the bridge. I...”

I actually—don’t remember what happened. I ended up taking a lot more pills than I should’ve.

“Still!” Sonia exclaimed, shaking her head. “I asked you a very inappropriate question! It was quite uncouth! Thus—I wish to make out with you for it!”

“You don’t have to do that,” he said, meaning it figuratively and literally. “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?!” Sonia’s frown deepened. “I... Despite my status, here I would like to be equals, Matsuda-san. Is that not possible?”

Equals, huh.

“When I came to Japan, I thought I could be considered a normal girl,” she said, and it sounded like a confession. “Perhaps...that had been...immature of me.”

It is immature, Matsuda agreed with as he bit his tongue. It’s beyond fucking immature. Even if you learn the language and go along with trends, you live in a fucking castle, Sonia. That’s not normal at all. Normal people are one bad fucking month away from losing everything they care about. It’ll take more than a damn month for a monarchy to topple. Especially one that’s absolute.

“If you insist so much, can I ask you a question?” He studied the way she perked up. How annoyingly eager she was to hear it. And how he—“It’s not going to be a pleasant one.”

“As long as it is about my personal inclinations or government secrets, I am willing to speak about it,” she told him, smiling sweetly.

She really was so painfully sweet sometimes.

Ä̷̮̖͇́̅̅͝ ̷̬̎̽c̴̨̛̥̳̙̔̈̊ͅo̵͕̤͠ṃ̵̻̒ͅp̸̭͕̽͝l̸͍͈͎̀è̶̛̝̫̒͗͝t̸̗͒̂̐e̴̛̳͔̾͐ ̵̧̼̐ô̸̞͇̖͋̽̀́ͅp̵͉̘͗̅̍͝p̴̖̙͑̊̒̆o̸̧͙̹̘̠͂s̴͈̀̕ị̶͇̅͛͝t̶͉͊e̴̲͈̩̫͠ ̴͔̺͔̙͗́̓̓̋f̶̺͂̚͘r̴̛̘̾͝o̶͍̭̯̖͐̐̓͛m̶̳͑̋—̷̱̘̩͙͓̇͒̏̋̉

“This isn’t your first time being kidnapped.”

It hadn’t been a question, despite himself. But a statement. A statement that drained all that sweetness from Sonia’s face, leaving behind calm stoicism. She looks so at ease and unshakeable that Matsuda could draw several conclusions if he wanted to.

But it seems tacky to make assumptions about what were traumatic experiences, regardless of those involved.

“I’ve read up on your country and there were reports of the royal family being abducted by insurgents,” he said, keeping his voice level. “It hadn’t mentioned those affected by name...but you were among them, weren’t you?”

“Yes,” Sonia spoke as if she were untouchable. “I was.”

“No wonder you’re so damn calm about all this,” Matsuda went to remark. “It’s not your first time. And...quite fucking frankly, this is literally the Bahamas of hostage situations.”

“Haha, I do not think we are in the Bahamas, Matsuda-san,” she replied, casual—but still with that flaring distance. “I believe we are in the middle of the Pacific, rather.”

...hah.

“That’s not important,” he snapped. “What was important was... Clearing the air, so to speak.”

“I see.” Sonia agreed with him like he’d kill her if she didn’t. “Then, have I been to your satisfaction, Matsuda-san?”

Matsuda stared at her. He reached out, and she didn’t even flinch. Not even when he snapped his fingers in front of her. Impressive, honestly.

She’s completely shut down.

“Do you want to talk about dramas? I kind of enjoyed Hana-Kimi.”

Sonia blinked, and it was like nothing happened at all. Especially with how she went back to smiling as she always did, dazzlingly open and amicable.

“I haven’t heard of it! Please tell me all about it!”

“If I remember correctly there were like, four adaptations, the first Taiwanese and the most recent a K-drama, actually, so...”

The two of them chat lightly like this for a while. Like a normal pair of high schoolers.

--

“Greetings, Matsuda-san! I have read the illustrious Hana-Kimi! And! I enjoyed it!”

“Good to hear...”

“There is much I wish to discuss about it!” Sonia exclaimed, but there was something strange. Her smile was so wide it looked strained. She was wearing more makeup than usual, especially on her cheeks and around the eyes. “I would also like to hear more recommendations, so...”

“Rough night?” Matsuda asked, and Sonia shut her mouth.

For a second, Sonia looked lost before she gave a weak laugh.

“Ahaha, I should’ve known that Matsuda-san would not be fooled. You’re quite sharp, after all. It’s one of the reasons I admire you.”

“Did you want me to pretend nothing was wrong?” Matsuda huffed. “I’d rather you not have to force yourself around me. With how shitty my attitude is, I’d be a hypocrite if I expected everyone on their best behavior....especially in this situation.”

“Truth be told, I do not mind it,” Sonia murmured. “In a way... I find it refreshing. Around Matsuda-san, I can just scream at the top of my lungs—Jesus Fucking Christ Bastard Of A Fuckity Fuck Bitch! And you wouldn’t bat a tongue-lash!” She took a deep breath. “That said...if we are to discuss further. I’d prefer we do so in my cottage.”

“Fine by me,” was Matsuda’s immediate response. That was all there was to it.

Without another word, he followed Sonia to her cottage. She led him inside, and the interior was so fancy that he felt like he’d be stoned if he didn’t remove his shoes right away.

Polished floors, elegant rugs, ivory silk sheets, and plush furniture—even a damn chandelier hanging about them... It at least looked like the inside of a high-end hotel suite. Even the way plants were arranged from the ones hanging from the wall to the potted plant in the corner and the vase on the table by a wide-screen television felt so prestigious and artful.

“Would you like a seat?” Sonia asked, indicating a loveseat that definitely costed more than he could get selling his ass on the street for a week. He sits down on it anyway. It’s annoying supple, and he can’t help but relax. Sonia is giggling at him, “I apologize for any messes. I am still getting a handle on cleaning as it were. And the shower.”

The rug had been a little damp under his feet. She must’ve accidentally flooded the floor. He should probably help her wash it so that it didn’t contract mold, but... There were more pressing matters.

Sonia clearly wanted to speak to him, but she was just standing there. Fidgeting and wavering.

“Nightmare?” he guessed. “Homesickness?”

“Both,” Sonia replied, chuckling a little. “As well as—that conversation we had earlier...weighing on my mind...”

Matsuda clicked his tongue but said nothing. Gave Sonia the time to take a deep breath.

“Back then, I was not permitted to show fear for my people’s sakes,” she recounted. “I was, after all, a princess before a person. But here... I do not know what I should do. Must I wait in silence for rescue? Shall I allow myself to scream and cry?” She was fidgeting. No, she was trying to distract herself from how badly her hands were shaking. “Say, Matsuda-san... You are...quite intelligent. And you never—you do not sweet talk. Tell me...what I should do.”

Matsuda stared at her. She kept her head bowed.

“Fuck if I know.” Matsuda sighed loudly. “Like holy shit, why you think I’ll know what to do? That’s illogical as fuck. You’re just being a coward by forcing someone else to make the decisions, princess.”

“I am aware,” she whispered.

“I’m not Togami,” he said. “I’m not going to seize control and tell everyone that it’s going to be fine. I’m...”

...not going to lie about that shit.

“I thought not.” Sonia laughs again. It’s almost an ugly sound. Scratchy and unbalanced, completely unbefitting and yet—perfect in this situation. “Matsuda-san, you may have the signals of a legendary hero... But, in reality, your scowling face is too remarkable.”

...

...

...

...

...

...

What the fuck did that even mean?

“The legendary hero of legend,” Sonia reiterated with the utmost seriousness. “The only fault with that—is your face, Matsuda-san! It’s not just remarkable, it’s beautiful!”

What the FUCK is she talking about?

“I would still like to take you with me to my kingdom, once we escape from here,” Sonia went on. “Even if you are not a destined one, you would make for a wonderful advisor and companion. I wish to continue our conversations—and even if it is cowardly, I also wish to look towards you in times of need.”

What the fuck is going on?!

“I...” He’s confused. He’s so hopelessly confused. And yet... And yet... “I heard the medical practice in your country is nothing to sneeze at...so I can’t deny being interested.”

“Splendid! Then—let us continue working together, Matsuda-san!” Sonia clapped her hands. Another dazzling smile, an even more radiant laugh. Just like that, she was back at peak princess. “Ho, ho, hey!”

“Hey, hey, ho...”

Despite that, there’s a lot unsaid. We haven’t really talked, either. We’re just pushing on with forced optimism, filling our heads with empty reassurances and promises in the hope that it’ll be enough to carry us through.

It could very well be. In a situation like this, keeping ahold of one’s morale was pretty fucking prudent. Even if he and Sonia knew shit all about how to lead, they had no choice but to keep stumbling and scrambling. Hoping for the best.

Sometimes... That’s all we really need.

[i-prefer-the-term-antihero]

So this is going to be a long, overemotional/melodramatic post... but I need to get my feelings out somehow.

I've only watched ep1 so far, but I really love the look of, and am really excited for, the new Loki show.

When I first saw that some Marvel shows were coming to Disney+...okay, yes, I was definitely excited about Wandavision and Loki, because those are three of my favorite marvel characters. But at the same time, things did feel a bit like a marketing ploy. Of course Disney would make a bunch of marvel shows on their new platform--thats what'll sell. Of course they'll pick Loki, because he's really popular and that'll sell more. I wasn't even sure I'd watch Falcon and Winter Soldier. It didn't feel like I could genuinely be excited about the shows, thinking this. And, don't get me wrong, this problem is still there, no doubt about that.

But I've definitely enjoyed Wandavision and Falcon and Winter Soldier, especially the former. I thought they were solid shows.

So even though I LOVE Loki as a character...I came to the trailers with this sort of bias in mind.

Now, let me be clear, I don't just love Loki.

He was probably the first character I ever became truly obsessed with. I'm pretty sure he was the first villain character I liked, and kind of awakened my love for redeemable villains (which, if you couldn't tell by my url, stays strong today). He's a character I've loved since Thor came out in 2010. He's been in my life for ten years, and in a way shaped who I am.

I enjoy marvel overall, but pretty casually. I definitely keep up with all the movies, but I don't totally obsess over all of them. However, I still remember just how unfathomably excited I was when Dark World came out. How unbelievably happy I was to see Loki again. How I savored every joke he made, every tender moment with him, and just how happy I walked out of that theater. When I watched Ragnarok, I was older, so I wasn't quite so giddy, but that kid inside me is still there, and still jumped and grinned every time I saw him come on screen.

Needless to say, he holds an extremely special place in my heart. Even though I have characters now that I potentially like more, he's sort of been my "favorite character" for ten years, and I will always adore him.

I'm sure its been said by plenty of Loki Stans but...I absolutely hated how Infinity War went.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad because he died. Okay, of course I'm mad he died. But I can deal with character death. In fact, I sometimes prefer a character getting a dramatic and fulfilling death to them getting a happy ending. (And there are things I liked about his death--like, I really adored his dialogue, that he was dying for a good cause.)

But what I hated the most was that it felt like the creators didn't know his character. Loki is the god of mischief. He would never EVER launch a straight attack on a villain, no illusions, no back up plan. I'm sorry, but that's just not him at all. (Sure his plans in Avengers were more scattered and went horribly...but, firstly, he was being mind controlled so he wasn't all there, and secondly, if I remember correctly, there was still a level of mischief in his plans. He didn't generally do things straightforward. That's part of what made it fun to watch.).

(Loki wasn't the only character I felt they did this with in IW. I hated that they just had Cap live his life through time with Peggy. Not that I hate that idea itself, it's cute of course. But Cap is so incredibly selfless. He would never just do something so selfish like that...It wasn't him).

In addition to that, I felt like I saw the puppet strings so clearly in that scene. That movie was all about shock value. I don't think a movie--at least one in a franchise like marvel--should ever be made purely for shock value. It should be about what's right for the characters and the overall storyline. If there's some shock there, great. But give the audience an actually fulfilling story. Don't make your entire plan to shock and horrify the world that loves these characters/this franchise. In that scene, it truly felt like they were "Oh hey Loki's like the most beloved character, right? Lol, let's break his neck within the first five minutes to show we mean business. They'll hate that."

I'm a writer, I know the merit in going "okay, hey, we're going big here, we need to set up our villain early, and set up how this movie overall is going to go with the first scene." I know why they felt the need to kill off a character in the first five minutes.

And hell yeah I'm largely just mad because it was my fave, of course I am.

But it didn't feel like they were going "Okay does this make sense for Loki's character? Is this a good way to have him go out? Will this satisfy our audience who loves him?"

It felt like they were going "Okay let's pick the most beloved character so it'll shock, annoy, and hurt people the most."

And I'm not okay with that.

I'm just some shmuck, there's nothing I can do about that. But I'm not okay with that. I was so not okay with that, that I've pretty much hated marvel for all the years preceding Infinity War, and have not been fully excited about anything marvel related since then. I have barely interacted with Loki content since then it affected me so much.

I know it's melodramatic, but It felt like they were killing my childhood. That little piece of me that got excited every time he came on screen. That piece of me, that had been so excited to see him be on the side of the villains in infinity war, because it just meant I got to see him. It truly felt like a small part of me died when I watched him die.

So when the Loki trailers came out? In a weird way ....I couldn't even be excited.

They were bringing him back, potentially erasing the problem I have with Infinity War. And yet...I couldn't be excited.

First off, when I saw what happened with him in Endgame (it made me extremely happy and hopeful, let me tell you, but it obviously didn't fix everything) I was kind of under the impression he'd just be causing mischief throughout space and time for the show, and I was absolutely here for it.

So when I saw the trailers were him getting caught immediately, and then recruited for the side of the good guys...I was like "okay so...the same plot as other Marvel movies? The plot of Ragnarok again? He gets stranded on an alien planet, and has to work for the leaders. There's lots of fighting, like there is in every other marvel movie, which is the part I least care about." When I saw the trailers I didn't get to see Loki being himself at all. I saw other people controlling him, and then him working for the good guys. That's not Loki. Loki is mischief. Loki works for himself. Loki fights, yeah, but his character actually has depth and emotion to it, he's not just for brainless fighting. (And whoo boy let me tell you I was mad when I saw the DB Cooper part of the trailer and thought they chopped his wonderful hair off when they made him a good guy, like they were totally changing his identity. And also let me tell you the SHEER RELIEF I felt when I found it was just a tiny scene, and his wonderful hair will remain (please God let it remain)).

So here I was thinking "great, its infinity war all over again. I'm gonna have a whole show of them not knowing and staying true to his character."

Even though that little kid inside of me was still there. Even though that little kid was going "Dude! Dude! It's Loki! An entire show about Loki! You won't have to wait for him to show up on screen, he'll just always be on screen! He'll be the protagonist! Do you realize how much I would have loved this if I got to see it years earlier?" I was so tired, and so mad.

But now I've watched the first episode.

And for the first time since infinity war...I felt like I could breathe again.

Here I thought they'd forgotten his character. They forgot that he's the god of mischief, that he's funny, that he's, well (to use the words of Thomas Sharpe)...absurdly sentimental.

And they didn't at all.

From minute one he's himself, wanting to rule the world, cracking jokes, refusing to be controlled, causing mischief when and where he can. They actually showed the progression of why he'd be willing to work for them really well.

And gosh I loved that scene where he sees what his life would be like. From the moment Mobius started showing him scenes from his life, I was desperately hoping he'd be left alone with the device and get to see more of his life, and desperately hoped he'd see and react to his death.

And they did not disappoint.

They remembered. They remembered that he's ambitious, that he's not controlled, they remembered that he's funny and mischievous, and that he's a special marvel character, that you can actually get deep and emotional with. They remembered all of it.

Watching Loki watch his own death was like taking all those years of anger, and for one brief moment melting them away. I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. Wasn't alone in going "hey that's not Loki." Loki himself was watching it, and could judge that for himself. And most importantly, it was confirming before my eyes that it was no longer was his end.

And him being the villain and the hero? I cannot explain to you how much I love that idea. How much and how well that keeps in line with his character. A great premise and protagonist can make for a poor story if it has a poor villain, and, to be fair I haven't seen how it goes, but that seems like the perfect--and perhaps only--villain who could make this show absolutely stellar. I'd love to see them explore that Avengers-level villainousness, with him also being a hero like we see at the end of Ragnarok. It'd be fun to see his two sides trying to convince each other to join them. It would truly feel like they understand all aspects of his character.

I'm older now, so I don't get nearly as excited about things as I used to. I wish I did. I almost wish this came out when I was younger so I could be more excited. But that kid is still inside of me, and I'm so excited to see him on screen all the time.

Now...I don't really care so much if it's all about the money.

It's a whole show about Loki. I don't have to wait for him to come on screen, he's just there.

This feel like more of a relief than I can possibly express.

(@mylokabrennauniverse @annievvv7 I’d be curious to hear your thoughts/if you’ve felt similarly!!)

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Why these ships

Yesterday Admin 1 posted a rather complex post (x), so today we thought we’ll take it a little easier and instead talk about our ships and why we ship the ships we ship. Seems fun, right? This isn’t meant as some kind of detailed analysis of moments or a way to convince others of why these ships are superior somehow, because that’s not something we do around here. 

This is simply meant as something lighthearted and for you to get an idea of who types these posts and the POV we have when looking at ship content, as well as what got us into being vminies and namjinists.

Since Admin 1 is a very wordy person, we’ll start with Admin 2. Let’s go!

Admin 2, who ships vmin

My bias is Tae and my bias wrecker is Namjoon. When it comes to Tae, it isn’t about his stunning visuals or whatnot, but more his artistic soul that captivated me. Because of that I feel like I can understand him, just like I can understand Namjoon though I’d never be able to reach such intellectual heights like him. 

In my opinion, if there is a romantic couple within BTS, the most likely option would be Jimin and Taehyung. I’m not basing my opinion on any concerts or things like RUN since I’m aware that BTS are idols and places/events/shows such as those are more like theatre in that they are playing a role, playing up certain things to get a reaction out of the crowd and alike, or is being used as a way too push or highlight a certain member or members.

Any time I see Tae and Jimin interact with each other I get this feeling that they have some kind of mystery about them, that they’re like + and -, two very different people, and yet there’s this something about them that brings them together. Perhaps it is simply the sole fact that they are so different that makes them so intriguing not only to each other, but also for me. Observing all the materials we have of these seven years, it’s been interesting to see how they’ve changed both physically and mentally, how they went from being these ‘bad boys’ at the beginning of BTS career and how that transformed over time until they became the boys we know today. I think over the years they simply got the chance to explore and find and be who they are, together but also as separate people. Looking at Tae, he’s changed a lot over the years and I don’t mean it in the sense of “he became quiet”, but rather that his mannerisms and personality changed, that he got to show more of himself and who he wants to be and as who he wants to be seen by others. Same goes for Jimin, who in the first years struggled with being one person until he finally started to evolve into who he wanted to be and simply became Jimin instead of whatever others wanted, which he even praised himself for.

And along with that I also think they got to explore parts of themselves they might’ve not even been quite aware of being there at first, in terms of what they mean for them as individuals but also as two people together. In that regard I think they’ve changed the most out of all the members, and really, in such a way, only they have visibly changed in such a way. They got to explore deep parts of themselves and live them together.

“I’m from the moon, you’re from the stars”, as in they are both different, not from earth, but they got the chance to be different together.

There’s also the fact that they themselves call each other soulmates is for me very intriguing since I understand soulmates as either two people being very similar to each other (the same mentality, interests, tastes etc) or two people who found their romantic other half that, in a sense, completes them. I don’t see vmin as the former, since they are so different, but I think they’ve simply found and worked so hard with together to meet each other on another level which led them to become the second. That’s my theory and my feeling. 

I adore how, even though they get so comparatively little screen time together in the last few years, whenever we do see them interact with each other their interactions are always so different, so full of warmth, softness and gentleness, romantic even, and fully of mutual respect. It’s endearing to me how shy Tae seems to get whenever Jimin shows him more affection on camera. I applaud Tae for how he showcases his feelings for Jimin so “openly” on Weverse through the pictures and posts he makes that involve him, though most don’t want to see it as such. 

Them saying that it’s enough for them to look at each other and they immediately know what the other is thinking, how they basically almost have conversations with each other just through looking into each others eyes, honestly made my heart sing with cuteness and fondness.

These are my feelings when I see them. When it comes to more substantial reasonings as to why I think they may be real and why I think so, that’s a post for another time since it’ll take much more preparations and thoughts. But at the same time I want to say that I’m one of those people who thinks that if not vmin and not namjin, then none of the ships are real in a romantic sense. In a friendship way, all of them are real. But that too is also something for another post in the future.

The most important thing in it all for me was Tae stating that 95z is love, but that, too, is something for another time.

Admin 1, who ships vmin and namjin

I’d like to preface my part of this by saying that while I do ship vmin and namjin, I’m not the kind of person who will try to find definitive proof that they are real (especially if that means overanalyzing the most minute interactions and split second touches because, to me, that feels obsessive and invasive and not every one second shared glance must mean anything) and proceed to force my opinion onto others, or get into fights why my ships are more valid than someone else’s. That’s not who I am and that’s not the kind of experience I’m looking for while being ARMY. At the end of the day while I do believe that there are good chances (and reasons to believe so) that these ships are real, vmin probably more than namjin, I won’t insist on that having to be true and I also don’t really care all that much either? It’s their private lives after all, so for me this is all mostly for fun and for discussions, if that makes sense. Should one day any member of my ships come forward and say he’s in a relationship with someone outside of my ship, I don’t be angry or disappointed, I’ll be happy for them regardless.

That being said, similar to Admin 2, whenever I see Jimin and Taehyung together, there’s just this special something about them that just does it for me. I’ll admit that when I first got into BTS and became ARMY, I didn’t care about shipping at all. It’s not that I wasn’t familiar with RPS, I’ve read plenty of that as young teen, but rather that I was so enamored with their music and friendships that those simply seemed more important to me. With time I started to pay more attention to the individual dynamics and bonds within the group and soon I realized that Jimin and Taehyung stood out to me without a question or doubt. I’ll admit that I do read fanfic, so out of curiosity I checked out the other maknae ships (the actual ships as well as their fanfic counterparts) and came to the conclusion that they didn’t have that something for me, felt more like brothers, and that I kept on going back to vmin every time.

There’s this sense of belonging (to each other) I feel when I watch Jimin and Taehyung together, how they’ve grown together over the years, their bond going through phases and changes and how they only seemed to get closer and closer, even during the time when people claimed vmin were over and we were in a drought. I look at them, their interactions, the fondness in their eyes and the gentleness with which they treat each other and I think this is it. It’s so easy to see how much they care about each other, and how important they are for each other, I can’t help but love and admire it, and in the end it turned me into a vminie.

As for namjin, this one is a little less clear cut, perhaps. Something that hasn’t been mentioned yet is that I’m a Namjoon bias. He was the one who caught my attention first when I discovered BTS and he’s been my bias ever since, so I enjoyed seeing his interactions with the other members, how he has this mutual respect with them yet how when he says something, everyone else listens because he’s the leader. Plus, his mind is honestly the greatest and most wondrous thing. Anyway. I adore the dynamics that Namjoon has with the other members and how different they are, but the one he shares with Seokjin has caught my attention that little bit more and stood out to me more, just like with vmin.

Namjoon and Seokjin have been close ever since Seokjin joined BigHit, at first simply because they needed to figure out how to get the rest of the group to listen to Namjoon despite him not being the eldest, and then simply because they liked it. I’ll never forget that video they made together around christmas time which ends with Seokjin singing All I Want For Christmas Is You. The date vibe of that video? Off the charts. Over the years as they’ve matured, so did their bond, and while they’re certainly not as clingy and touchy with each other anymore as they used to be after debut, it makes their interactions and little ways of showing affection for each other that much more special.

Their mutual respect, admiration and influence on each other is also something that’s always drawn me to them, how some things Seokjin told Namjoon years ago stuck with him for years and he found ways to incorporate them into his philosophy and ending ments at concerts showing how even these small things affected him, touched him. There’s also things like Namjoon helping Seokjin with his music, the way they praise each other and get shy about it, or tiny details such as Namjoon holding Seokjin’s hand and trying to hide it from the camera behind Namjoon’s thigh (which obviously didn’t work out since we did end up seeing it). It’s these little things about them that do it for me, how when they hug it simply feels so special, so meaningful, the way Namjoon looks so fondly and proudly at Seokjin sometimes and vice versa, and how calm and also absolutely chaotic they are when they’re together. Brilliant.

So, as much as I’m a vminie, I’m certainly also a namjinist.

As for other ships, I’ll call myself a Sope enthusiast since those two together definitely have a certain something about them too. At the end of the day though I love BTS, will always be OT7 and their true family type bond, as they have called it themselves as such many of times, will always stand above all else for me.

[brookecuzyes]

The Captain’s Kid —

E.2: The Star-Spangled Man (Part 2)

The Falcon and The Winter Soldier Fanfic

Main Masterlist — TCK Masterlist

Summary: We think of the after-life as a peaceful place. A place where there are no worries. When a girl comes back from the dead, so to speak, she has to find a new place in society— which ends up with her becoming a superhero. She’s been trained for the worst, but nothing could’ve prepared her for the things she was going to endure.

Word Count: ≈3.5k

Warnings: a little cursing, racial bias

———————————————————————-

Three knocks could’ve been a delivery. A whistle indicated a rebellious group. The door opened with a small creak. The person behind the door unlocked the lock which held chains together so no one could get in. The girl who knocked on the door, Karli, stepped back while the person opened it all of the way. She and her group walked into the building without a word, while the person looked around and closed the door, locking it immediately.

“You must be famished.”

“Very hungry,” one replied, everyone unanimously agreeing.

“Okay. My wife and I cooked. It’s an old family recipe made with the finest chicken livers. Please serve yourselves. Anything you want. Anything. You ask me.” The group walked over to a table that held containers of the dinner the couple had cooked. “There is some coffee here and some crackers. Uh, anything we can do for the cause. Please follow me.” He started walking and talking.

“You’re becoming a bit of a legend. I hear more and more people talk about the freedom fighters who are pushing back.” He turned to Karli. “They call you Robin Hood. Every day, more people love you. You’ll find refuge wherever you go.” He opened a door which led to a small room, letting everyone in.

“My wife and I made this just for you. Everything is completely clean. She made it nice and cozy.” The group was starting to settle in, saying their thank you’s to the man, when Karli’s phone went off.

You took what was mine.

I’m going to find you and kill you.

One guy walked over to the computers to see the news on them. “Shit,” he said. “They’re already looking for us. I’m wiping out aliases off any public traffic sites now.”

“Karli, we can’t stay here for long,” said Lennox, another one of the soldiers. “Six years ago, would you have imagined people supporting a cause like this?”

“We’re not playing no more,” she responded. “We can’t let the same assholes who were put back in power after The Blip win. The GRC cares more about the people who came back than the ones who never left. We got a glimpse of how things could be. I need to know that you’re all committed, because after tomorrow, there’s no going back.”

“Yeah,” said Matias, after a few seconds. “One world.”

“One people,” replied everyone else.

“One world.”

“One people.”

“One world!”

“One people!”

——

Back on the plane, Sam was laying across the seats, Alyxandria was leaned back in a chair with her head thrown back, and James was sitting on a small cargo box (the same box Alyx and Torres was using earlier) and was just staring off into space in deep thought.

Sam looked at James and noticed his face. “You all right?” he asked softly. After a moment, he responded quietly.

“Let’s take the shield. Let’s take the shield and do this ourselves.”

“We can’t just run up on the man, beat him up and take it,” Sam replied, sitting up. “You remember what happened the last time we stole it?”

“Maybe.”

“You stole the shield?” Alyx asked.

“Yeah. Seems like James forgot, though. Let me help you out: Sharon was branded enemy of the state, and Steve and I were on the run for two years.”

“Oh, shit,” she muttered.

“I don’t know about you,” Sam continued, “but I don’t wanna live the rest of my life la vida loca. We just had our asses handed to us by Super Soldiers, and we got nothing.”

“Not entirely true,” Bucky responded. He hopped off of the box and walked over to sit a few seats away from Sam. “There is someone that you should meet.”

In a few hours, they landed in Baltimore, Maryland. The trio was walking down the street— in the middle of the street— to get to this person's house. There were two kids sitting on the sidewalk and they were excited when they saw Sam

“Hey, it’s Black Falcon!” The kid exclaimed.

“It’s just Falcon, kid,” he replied.

“No, no. My daddy told me it’s Black Falcon.” Sam stopped walking to converse with this kid but James continued walking.

“Is it because I’m Black and I’m the Falcon?”

“Well, technically, I mean, yes.”

“So are you, like, Black kid?” The kid threw a look and his friend started laughing.

Sam chuckled. “I got him, right,” he said to the kid laughing. The other kid blew him off saying, “Whatever, man.” Sam couldn’t stop laughing.

He caught up with James and Alyxandria who were on the steps of the patio. James knocked on the metal door, and it made a loud rattling noise. A teenage boy opened the door and inspected the three.

“We’re here to see Isiah,” James said.

“Nobody named Isiah live here,” the kid replied. James sighed.

“Look, we just want to talk to him.”

“You must not hear what I just said. You ain’t getting in this house. Y’all can leave now.”

“Tell him the guy from the bar in Goyang is here. He’s gonna know what that means.”

The kid took a minute before responding back. “Alright, wait here.”

“Nice kid. How do you know this guy?” Sam asked after the teen closed the door.

“I used to. We had a skirmish during the Korean War.”

“I feel like this is more than some skirmish,” Alyxandria added. James looked at her as the door opened again. He just gave her his stare and started walking in. The three walked in together.

“Today’s your lucky day,” the boy said. “He said he wanna see for himself.” They didn’t say anything, until James started talking.

“Isiah?”

“Look at you,” Isiah said.

“This is, uh, Sam and Alyxandria. Sam and Alyx, this is Isiah. He was a hero,” James explained. “One of the ones that HYDRA feared the most. Like Steve. We met in ‘51.”

“If by met, you mean I whupped your ass, then, yeah. We heard whispers he was on the peninsula, but everyone they sent after him never came back. So, the U.S. military dropped me behind the line to go deal with him. I took half that metal arm in that fight in Goyang, but I see he’s managed to grow it back. I just wanted to see if he got the arm back. Or if he’d come to kill me.”

“I’m not a killer anymore,” James replied. Isiah looked at him like he was crazy.

“You think you can wake up one day and decide who you wanna be?” he asked. “It doesn’t work like that. Well, maybe it does for folks like you.”

“Isiah, the reason we’re here is because there’s more of you and me out there.” Said James.

“You and me,” Isiah repeated.

“And we need to know how.”

“I’m not gonna talk about it anymore,” Isiah said harshly. He picked up a small metal container and threw it. It got stuck in the wall and made a loud noise while doing so. The boy looked upset. Sam and Alyxandria were looking at the container in the wall, while James was looking at the ground. Isiah started walking up to him and started talking.

“You know what they did to me for being a hero?” He asked. “They put my ass in jail for 30 years. People running tests, taking my blood, coming into my cell. Even your people weren’t done with me.”

Sam looked upset, in a way. “Isiah,” he said, but was cut off by him.

“Get out of my house!” He yelled. James turned around to start leaving and Sam was still looking at Isiah. The boy came up to him and said, “Let’s go, man, let’s go.” Alyxandria followed behind James, not sure what to think about all of this.

Sam was walking quickly down the stairs.

“Sam,” James said, but Sam cut him off.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Isiah? How could nobody bring him up?” He was mad. Alyxandria hadn’t seen this side of him before. They all walked back to the street and were walking side-by-side. James didn’t respond.

“I asked you a question, Bucky,”

“I know.”

“Steve didn’t know about him?”

“He didn’t. I didn’t tell him.” They stopped walking. Sam and James were standing across from each other and Alyxandria was standing on either side— in the middle, almost.

“So you’re telling me that there was a Black Super Soldier decades ago and nobody knew about it?” James didn’t respond and just stared at him. A police car approached them and let their siren go off for a second. Everyone turned their attention to the car.

“Hey,” an officer said, getting out of his car.

“What’s up, man?” Sam asked. He still sounded pissed, and this wasn’t helping matters.

“Is there a problem here,” a second officer asked.

“No, we’re just talking.” Sam replied.

“There’s no problem,” Alyxandria said.

“We’re fine,” James added. The officers walked closer to the three.

“Can I see your ID?”

“I don’t have ID. Why?” Sam asked.

“Okay, sir, just calm down.”

“I am calm. What do you want? We’re just talking.”

“Just give him your ID so we can leave,” James said.

“James, no. What have we done?” She told him, siding with Sam.

“Thank you, Alyx. I’m not giving them shit. We’re just talking!”

“Hey, hey. Is he bothering you two?” The officer asked.

“What- no!” Alyxandria exclaimed.

“No, he’s not bothering me. Do you know who this is?” James said, harshly. The other officer went up to his partner and whispered, ‘Hey, these guys are Avengers.’ The officer looked at him and went wide-eyed.

“Oh, God, I am so sorry, Mr. Wilson,” he apologized. I didn’t recognize you without the goggles.” Sam looked disappointed. “I’m really, really sorry about this.” James gave the same disappointed look when another cop car pulled up. “Guys,” the officer sighed, “just wait here, okay?” He walked away back to his car, his partner following along.

“I didn’t… I didn’t tell anybody because he had already been through enough,” James said to Sam, finally answering his question. Sam and Alyxandria just looked at him. Sam was pissed, Alyx was silently observing the situation. Sam shook his head when the officer came back.

“Mr. Barnes,” he said. “There’s a warrant out for your arrest.”

“Look, the president pardoned him for all that,” Sam explained.

“Not for that. You missed your court-mandated therapy. It’s like missing a check-in with your PO.” James just sighed. He knew. “I’m sorry, Mr. Barnes, you’re under arrest.” James complied with the officers, letting them take him. Sam and Alyx watched as they put him in cuffs. Sam continued to stare at him and didn’t say a word as the car started driving off. Sam looked back at Isiah’s house before walking off. Alyxandria followed him.

“Hey, Sam,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He responded, keeping his eyes in front of him. Alyx turned her head away from him, catching the mood.

“Sorry, I’m just… pissed. That’s all,” he said after a moment. He stopped walking and put his hand on Alyx’s arm. “Don’t let me take it out on you.” She nodded and gave him a sad smile.

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“Getting Bucky. I don’t want to, but it’s the right thing to do.” Alyx chuckled at the statement, Sam too. They started walking again and Sam put his arm over Alyx. She rested her head on his shoulder, thinking about everything.

“Let’s not make this a regular thing,” Alyxandria suggested. Sam smiled and chuckled.

——

They arrived at the police department and sat down, waiting for James to be released, when someone came up to them.

“Sam and Alyxandria. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Dr. Raynor. I’m James’ therapist,” Raynor introduced herself. The two sat up and Sam was the first to get up and shake her hand.

“So nice to meet you. Thank you for getting him out,” he said.

“That was not me,” she replied.

“Christina!” Someone called out. Sam and Alyxandria turned their heads to be met with John Walker. “It’s great to see you again.” Alyxandria groaned, putting her forehead on Sam’s shoulder— she didn’t want to look at the man.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Sam said. “You know him?”

“Yeah, we did some field ops back in the day,” she responded.

“I hear you were working with Bucky, so I thought I’d step in,” Walker explained. “Bucky’s not gonna be following a strict schedule any longer.” Alyxandria, by that point, had lifted up her head.

“We haven’t finished our work. Who authorized this?” Dr. Raynor asked.

“Um…” Walker said, then pointed at himself. A buzzer went off and a door opened. Alyxandria looked over and saw James walking out of the doorway. “He’s too valuable of an asset to have tied up. Just do whatever you got to do with him, then send him off to me. Got some unfinished business, him and I. You guys, too.” He walked away saying, “I’ll be outside.” Sam stared at him, and Alyxandria scoffed.

Unfinished business…

“James, condition of your release, session now. You too, Sam,” Raynor announced. She started walking to the corridor James walked out of.

“That’s okay, I’ll be out here with-“ he started, but was interrupted by Raynor.

“That wasn’t a request!”

“What about Alyx,” James asked.

“Rogers, you don’t have to come,” Dr. Raynor said.

“This isn’t fair,” Sam complained.

“It’s not my fault I’m the only functional one here,” she teased, turning around and walking out of the building. Sam glared at her before walking towards the corridor Raynor and James went through.

When Alyxandria walked outside, the first thought that crossed her mind was that she was going to sit out there for thirty or so minutes, waiting for the guys to finish their little therapy session. However, she was met with a different fate.

“Miss Rogers!” someone called out. She looked around and recognized two faces that she didn’t want to: John Walker and Lemar Hoskins. She reluctantly walked over to them, giving them a small smile.

“It’s Lieutenant Rogers, Captain,” she corrected, putting emphasis on ‘Captain’.

“My bad, didn’t know you were keeping the rank,” Walker responded, leaning up against the police car they were standing next to.

“Tell me a bit of what you got on these guys,” Alyxandria asked, stopping in front of the two.

——

“You guys are leaving me with no choice. It’s time for the soul-gazing exercise.”

“I like this better,” James said.

“Oh, God. He’s gonna love this,” Sam added. Their voices soon started overlapping each other, while the guys moved their chairs to face each other.

“You should really do this,” Sam said.

“I'm going to,” James responded matter-of-factly.

“Get close,” Raynor directed.

“This is a good exercise. Thanks, Doc,” James thanked.

“Alright, get close,” she said again. The guys scooted their chairs up, where their knees were touching. “Come on, a little closer.” They started to scoot up but stopped half-way.

“Which way you want to go?” James asked, moving his hand from left to right.

“Why’re your legs open?”

“Right or left?”

“You know what?” Sam said, moving his knee in between James’ legs. “Fine. Here. You happy now?” He pulled James’ chair closer to him. “We’re locked in.”

“That’s a little close,” James exclaimed.

“Very. That’s what you wanted, right?”

“Now, look at each other. You need to look at each other in the eyes.” Both guys started looking at each other. “There, you see? That wasn’t so hard.” The guys weren’t breaking eye contact. They weren’t blinking. Dr. Raynor caught on

“Wait, what’re you doing? Are you having a staring contest?” Sam’s eyes twitched a little bit. “Just blink,” she said, snapping her fingers together in between their faces, making them blink. “Sweet Jesus. Alright, James, why does Sam aggravate you?” James turned and smiled. “And don’t say something childish.” He hung his head and thought for a second.

“Why did you give up that shield?”

“Why are you making such a big deal out of something that has nothing to do with you?”

“Steve believed in you. He trusted you. He gave you that shield for a reason. That shield, that is… that is everything he stood for. That is his legacy. Alyx can tell you, she’d know. Steve was her dad. He gave you that shield, and you threw it away like it was nothing.”

“Shut up,” Sam replied.

“So maybe he was wrong about you. And if he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me.” James’ voice trembled at the end. Sam just stared at him.

“You finished,” Sam asked. James replied with a quiet, ‘yeah.’ “All right, good. Maybe this is something you, Alyx, or Steve will never understand. But can you accept that I did what I thought was right? You know what, Doc? I don’t have time for this. We have some real serious shit going on. So, how about this; I will squash it right now. We go deal with that, and, when we’re done, we both can go on separate, long vacations, and never see each other again.”

“I like that,” James responded.

“Great. Well, let’s get to work. Thanks, Doc, for making it weird. I feel much better. I’ll see you two outside.” He finished, standing up and giving James a harsh pat on his shoulder.

“Thank you!” Dr. Raynor said. “That was… really great.” After Sam walked out the door, James got up from his chair and started towards the door before Raynor continued speaking.

“I know that look, what’s wrong?”

“What was rule number two, again?” He asked.

“Don’t hurt anyone.”

“Goodbye, Doc,” he replied, waking out of the room.

Sam and James walked out of the police department together in what started out in silence before Sam made a comment.

“Well, I feel better,” he said.

“I feel awful,” James replied when a siren and its lights went off. Sam and James looked over to see what was happening, and saw John Walker messing with the cop car. They saw Hoskins next to him, and Alyxandria leaning on the car next to John.

“Gentlemen!” Walker cakes out to the guys. They started walking over. “Good to see you again.” No words eeee said to him.

“Look,” he continued, “if we divide ourselves, we don’t stand a chance— you guys know that.”

“So, what do you got?” Sam asked. He stood in front of Walker, and James went over to the end of the hood to lean his arm against.

“Well, the leader’s name is Karli Morgenthau,” Alyxandria started.

“We’ve been targeting civilians who’ve been helping Karli move from place to place,” John said.

“They geotagged a location, then scrambled the signal,” Lemar explained. “But our satellites have found their symbol popping up in various displaced communities all across Central and Eastern Europe.”

“We think that she’s taking the medicine she just stole to one of these camps,” Walker finished off.

“Well, there are hundreds of those all over the planet since The Blip. So, I guess you’ll have to look real hard,” James taunted— at least, that’s how it came off.

“Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?” Walker shot back.

“Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?” James asked, raising his voice.

“No, we don’t know, Bucky,” Walker responded, also raising his voice. Alyx looked at him funnily. “But, it’s only a matter of time before we find out.”

“Things are really intense for you, aren’t they, Walker?” Alyxandria got off of the car and moved so she could face everyone.

“Take it easy,” Sam told him. “Look, Walker’s right. It is imperative that we find them and stop them. But you guys have rules of engagement, and all kinds of authorizations you have to get. We’re free agents. We’re more flexible. So it wouldn’t make sense for us to work with you.” Sam and James started walking off and Alyxandria took one last look at John and Lemar before following.

“A word of advice, then,” Walker said, stopping the trip for a second. “Stay the hell out of my way.” The two walked off dramatically. Sam, James, and Alyx were watching them leave, but turned back to go do their own thing.

“Asshole,” James mumbled under his breath.

“So, what are you thinking?” Sam asked James after walking for awhile.

“Well, I know what we gotta do,” he responded. “When Isiah said, “my people”…”

“Oh, don’t take that to heart. That’s not what he meant.”

“No, he meant HYDRA. HYDRA used to be my people,” James explained. Sam scoffed.

“Not a chance,” he said.

“Walker doesn’t have any leads.”

“I know where you’re going with this, no.”

“He knows all of HYDRA’s secrets. Don’t you remember Siberia?”

“So, you’re just gonna go sit in a room with this guy?” Sam asked.

“Yes,” James replied, hesitantly.

“Wait, what’s happening?” Alyxandria asked.

“We’re gonna pay a visit to someone,” Sam said, stopping on the sidewalk.

“Who?”

“We’re gonna go see Zemo.”

———————————————————————-6/25/21

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH35

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 3, 685

- Author Note: Hi update update! :DDD

Previous | Next

Chapter 35

It was a good day to drink only if you choose a perfect companion as your drinking buddy. Fortunately for Jimin, Seul had time to spare today. As soon as he finished his practice, he went straight to Seul’s workplace to pick her up.

They chose to drink at the top of the hill near her place. It was the best place to drink according to Seul, yet it did not disappoint him. Taking a sip from her coke, she glanced at him “What are you going to do about it?” she warmed up.

“About what?” Jimin feigned innocence. Rolling her eyes in response, Seul nudged his shoulder lightly “You know what I mean” she whispered.

Jimin scratched his head with a shy smile “Can you stop making fun of me? I told you I will deal with it discreetly. Don’t make it sound so scandalous” Seul curled her lips into a slight pout.

“So, are you going to give up on him?” she asked out of curiosity.

“Seul, listen..  I care for Jungkook and I love him, but it won’t change the fact that it is impossible to pursue him. I am comfortable to love him this way, as time passes the feelings that I have will be washed off completely. I will no longer have this romantic feeling for him, so I can return to where I start. I want to keep Jungkook close to me. I don’t want to ruin what we have now, it is precious” Seul nodded with a soft hum.

“Understandable. I am with you till the end. Follow your heart Jiminie, don’t be pressure. About your feelings for Jungkook, let the time decides it for you. As for now, live your life as it is”

“Thank you. As for now I am not thinking about serious relationship” he squished her hand, smiling brightly.

“So, should I introduce you to a girl?” “Ji Seul!” he poked her forehead using the tip of his finger causing the latter to giggle.

Jimin was having a hard time to deal with her little tease now she’s planning to add more it, what an ignorant girl. “What? Now, that you find I am unfit to your liking. Shall I set you up with someone? There is my best friend Hwasa” grinning like a fool, Seul wiggle her brows, followed by a small dance.

“Are you playing matchmaker now? Wow, you do have a lot of time in hand” he cringed at her absurdity.

“Hey, I am being helpful. Is Hwasa okay for you? She is loud and a little rough though, but that doesn’t matter since you survive Yoongi I am sure you can survive Hwasa!” Jimin was losing his word when he barely started this banter that he’s about to have with Seul.

Scoffing in disapproval, Jimin shuddered at the thought of dating Seul’s best friend “I am sure your friend is as crazy as you. Pass” the girl jabbed the side of his torso with a nasty glare.

“Yah! Do I need to remind you that you used to like me? Tsk, ungrateful brat” she crossed her arms and made a sour face. “Do you have someone in mind?” Seul gave him a questioning look.

“I have someone in mind” it will always be Jungkook, his subconscious argued at the back of his mind.

“Oh my god who?!” she deadpanned. “Is it someone that I know? An idol perhaps? Don’t tell me you like that girl from the previous rumour. I can’t recall her name, but she is pretty” it was Seul got a little dramatic over Jimin’s statement.

His eyes grew wider as he showed his protest “Hell no, not her! I am gay Ji Seul please” he shot Seul an ‘are you kidding me’ look.

“You used to like me; you are bisexual dude” Said Seul with a pout clearly offended by his remarks.

Jimin let out a soft giggle “Well, I am sorry if it is offending you. That was to cover up my gay ass” ruffling Seul’s hair in process, his eyes literally disappeared into crescent moon when he smiled.

“There is a letter that I receive from fans” his voice faded away in process. She really could not fathom the idea of Jimin falling for a stranger through a fan letter.

“Are you saying that you like a fan?” she gawked.

“Can’t you tell that I am changing the topic here? Everything that come from your mouth worth the gossip, goodness” he pinched her lips together earning a death glare from the annoyed girl.

Seul swatted his hand and frowned deeply “You are asking for it. Tell me about this mysterious fan, do you happen to know her personally? Have you ever meet her in any of your fan meeting?” she brought her knees to her chest, looking all excited to hear his story.

“Tsk, look at you. Nosy much. No, I don’t know who this person is personally. I receive her fan letter every month, and the things that she wrote in the letter inspired me” he bit his lower lips and expelled a deep sigh.

“You are falling for her writing? I don’t know you are this soft Park Jimin. She is your fan then?” Seul blinked.

“No, she is Jungkook’s fan”

“Yah, are you trying to steal his fan!” she looked up with a puzzled frown on her face.

He glowered “It is not my fault, she mixed up my name and Jungkook’s face. The first letter that I received from her had my name written on it. I thought it was meant for me until I received another letter. I realized she meant to write it for Jungkook” the content of the letter could not be forgotten easily, that was by far one of the genuine letter that he ever received from anyone.

“How can she mess it up until the end, when you are shorter than Jungkook? There was an obvious difference between both of you” she mumbled. 

Jimin eyes widened disagreed by her teasing “Ji Seul! Do I have to remind you few years back, I used to be taller than Jungkook!” he puffed his cheeks, pouting away the last line. 

Seul giggled kneading Jimin’s fluffy cheeks. “The story doesn’t match the situation, spill the beans” she demanded.

Annoyed, he really hated her sharpness, can she not be so on point over everything. It seemed impossible to lie to her face. “I stole the letter from Jungkook. One day, she sent another letter to me and Jungkook. She apologized for mistaking me as Jungkook, and that was the last letter that I ever received from her. Ever since she got her bias name right, she had been sending her letter to Jungkook correctly” Seul raised her brows in amusement.

“And that letter never reaches Jungkook right? Aren’t you sly like a snake? How long have it been?”

“About two years?”

“Yah are you insane?! You are not her ultimate member, it is Jungkook. And I thought you have bro-code even when it comes fans” she reasoned. If people think Taehyung is weird, wait till they have their first-hand experience with Jimin. This little mochi can be quite handful sometimes.

He retorted sarcastically “That is why I stop looking for her, because it is impossible to find her in the ocean full of Armys. Recently, she wrote something about her attending Wings Tour and one of our fansign during You Never Walk Alone promotion” she places her hand over her chest dramatically.

“Does it mean you keep your eyes on Jungkook’s fans during your fansign?” he moved his head slowly, scratching his not itchy head.

“I can’t help it don’t blame me. I don’t see any sign of her though, I wonder if she ever come” she snickered in response, letting out a small giggle.

“You don’t even know how she looks like, yet you pretend as if it is the biggest mission on planet” Seul teased.

Jimin simpered, looking pleased of his own decision to track down the mysterious fan “It is worth the try. I still have to apologize to her for not delivering her letters to Jungkook” Seul sent a bewildered look at his way.

“And you continue to steal her letter from Jungkook” she stated sarcastically.

“Jungkook won’t know unless you open your big mouth” Jimin squished her cheeks together messing it up a little, mimicking her action few minutes ago. She slapped his hand whining over Jimin’s unnecessary affection towards her, it spelled ‘Bullies’ on his forehead.

“Are you going to find her till the end?” his simple nod earns a loud cheer from the small girl.

“Yes, only because she is a true fan, and I want to thank her for the letters that she wrote few years ago which comfort me. I was in a rough phase when I first read her letters which she mistakenly addressed it to me. Not gonna lie, her words were just so genuine, I was comforted by them.”

Seul smiled softly, caressing his knees “You will find her one day. Update me once you find her!” Jimin took a sip of his drink and laughed at her silliness.

“Can we stop talking about me? What about you? Have you made up your mind? About Jungkook or Yoongi hyung?” her face turned sour as soon as he brought up the topic.

She grimaced “I..gave up on Jungkook” Jimin eyes shot opened as guilt consumed her. “Seul if this is about my feelings for Jungkook..You know.. you don’t have to do this” he sighed deeply.

“It is not about your feelings for him. I don’t deserve Jungkook, he deserves better than me. He is still young, and there is another amazing person out there who deserves him better than me. Don’t worry, I am not doing this because of you.” Seul gave her assurance that her decision will remain unchanged.

“But..Jimin..after learning the truth about your true feelings, I cant just go behind your back and date him when I am aware about your feelings. That is selfish. You and Jungkook are still possible” she giggled at her own remarks earning a dissatisfied glare from Jimin.

“How thoughtful” Jimin responded bitterly. In all honesty, he loathed the ideas of forging her own feelings for him when she’s free to love and be loved especially with Jungkook. Again, he knew stubborn Seul would not let anything to jeopardize their friendship. She guarded Bangtan’s friendship with all her heart.

“How are you planning to tell him?” Jimin could imagine the pain that the maknae had to bear when the truth is out. Neither Seul nor Jungkook could be blame in this matter, like she said love is about you loving someone. Your mind can’t choose who you’re going to fall in love, because your heart does all the work.

A soft sigh escaped from her lips “I have to do it even it hurts” he felt his arm wrapped securely around her, making her lean against his shoulder. “Jungkook and you can handle this. We can’t please everyone, that is life. Does it mean you are choosing Yoongi hyung?” suddenly thinking again, she falls into deep silence.

For some reason her silence made him fear her decision. Seul deserved to be loved and to be in a relationship, Jimin knows how much his hyung loved this girl. Hell, if anything happens to her he would be the first one to be by her side without fail. That’s the beauty of Min Yoongi when he’s in love.

Seul smiled indulgently “Yoongi is a great man. Do I deserve him? He is too good for me” she doubted herself. Jimin noticed the uneasiness in her voice, so he got the idea who is in her heart.

“It is Yoongi hyung then” he chuckled softly.

Her face turned fifty shades red as she shook her head frantically “I didn’t say anything about choosing him!”

“But there are only two choices to begin with, it is either Jungkook or Yoongi hyung. Now, that you have explicitly rejected Jungkook, shouldn’t you be choosing hyung? Or do you have another guy in your mind” he looked unfazed by the idea of Seul liking someone else who isn’t Bangtan.

There is Jin. Seul hated herself for opening the chances for Jin.

Was she trying to be caught in another messy love web? She barely escaped Jungkook yet she’s making it hard for herself to decided when it involved Jin. Another thing was that, Jin had never mentioned his feelings openly. Was it safe to assume Jin only see her as a good friend?

This was confusing her.

She liked Yoongi, but there’s Jin.

“Drink up, I need to go back in a bit. Mother is alone since Hoon is in Daegu. Shouldn’t you be home by now? I heard you have a long day tomorrow for your comeback show” Jimin frowned when he noticed the latter tried to chance the topic. Maybe it is best to stop talking about serious thing like this and moved on to lighter topic.

“Yes, Mnet. Will you be able to come? I can get a ticket for you” she took a big slurp from her drink before opening a new drink for her to savour.

“I am sorry, I have to work tomorrow and accompanying mother for medical check-up. We finally get a donor that suit my mother, hopefully she is able to go for the surgery by the end of this month” her eyes glimmered in happiness.

Jimin clasped his hand together in delight “Really? Ahjumma finally got the donor! Seul-ah, that is good news! Let me know how it goes, I am happy for you and ahjumma” she tucked the strand of hair behind her ears.

“Thank you Jiminie. I will let you know how it goes okay?” Jimin was satisfied by the news and now that both of them had finally spent their first alone time as a friend together, it was even precious. They stayed for thirty more minutes finishing their snacks and non-alcoholic drinks since Seul couldn’t really take alcohol, the reason why they ended up drinking sodas.

 ---------------

She pushed the password to her apartment and made her way inside hurriedly. To her dismay, she was welcomed by the sound of her mother’s shout from the living room which sounded like she’s having a huge fight with someone.

Seul kicked her shoes hastily approaching the loud sound only to be welcomed by a horrifying sight. Her mom was pressed against the wall while she threw a fit, meanwhile a man dressed in grey suit probably in his mid-fifties had his hand wrapped around her mother throat.  

“I should have killed you ever since you decided to keep the baby” he snarled.

Seul took a moment to digest the situation and without wasting any more time, she lurched forward pulling the man away from her mother. Using her strength, she pushed the man against the coffee table and went to aid her mother.  For a man that twice her size, she sure was quite strong to be able to push him without help.

“Mom, are you okay?” her mother coughed and panted heavily. The man dusted his clothes, standing up from his feet “Finally, the princess is back” Seul glared furiously at him, while helping her mom regaining her balance.

“Who the hell are you? Get out before I call the cops!”

“Jihyun you never told her about me, don’t you? I am hurt” he stretched one of his hand out for a handshake “Let me introduce myself, I am Lee Wonsuk, your fa-“ Mrs Hwang blazed in fury stopping the man before he could finish his word.

“KEEP YOUR FILTHY MOUTH SHUT!” the older woman outburst surprised Seul leaving the girl in daze. She was desperate to know who this man in front of her for her mother is to be this furious.

The man raised his hands with a mischievous look in his eyes “Alright, we will not talk about this tonight. You know Jihyun, you can’t keep this secret forever.  I will come to claim what is mine soon” his eyes then landed on Seul, making the girl feel smaller under his gaze. It sent chill down her spine.

“Nice to see you Ji Seul” dumbfounded by the situation, Seul watched the man disappeared from their vicinity and turned to face her mother.

“Mom, are you alright?” she held her arms, sitting her down on the couch. “Are you sure we just let him escape? You almost got killed!” Mrs Hwang shook her head weakly, leaning her back against the couch.

Seul went to get a glass of water and returned almost immediately by her mother side “Who is he? He seems to know you” the older woman smiled meekly, placing the glass on the coffee table.

“He is not important Seul, forget about him. He is just an old man with rage” displeased with her mother’s ambiguous answer, Seul did not stop her interrogation until she got the answers that she wanted.

“I don’t believe you, no- I choose not to believe you at all. Enough with secrets, this is your life we’re talking, what if he returns and hurt you? For once, can you treat me like a real adult, I can handle this!” Seul sighed lightly.

There was a long silence between them for a moment. “Are you going to make me wait?” she grew impatient. No matter what happens, today is the perfect day to learn the bitter truth, even it is hurt at least she’s no longer living in the dark.

The older woman muttered lowly finally unravelling the secrets that she kept for years from Seul. “Twenty-two years ago, a month before my wedding with Hoon’s father, I was raped” Seul stared at her in utter disbelief, shaking her head.

“By who?” she squished her mother’s hand, giving her strength to continue her story.

“Lee Wonsuk, he is your father’s best friend. And there was another man with him that night. I received a call from Wonsuk, that Hoon’s father got into a fight and was badly injured. I went to his place and the last thing that I remember was seeing his face in front of the doorstep. Then I blacked out. The next morning when I woke up, I saw two naked bodies beside me” she started to sob.

Seul swallowed the knot on her throat, weary with the weight of her mother’s grief. She wondered how she could bear the pain alone all those years. She embraced her mother tight, “I am sorry that you have to go through that pain alone, mom” her tears finally cascaded down swallowing all the pain at once.

Mrs Hwang held her lovely daughter close to her “That…man..is he my father?” praying hard inside, Seul really hoped the things that came from her mother contradicted to what she had in mind.

Expelling a long sigh, she looked empty and worn out. Seul gulped down a huge breath of air through her mouth, because she was afraid to hear the truth. Even though, she realized it was not something that she can simply deny knowing they were sharing the same blood.

“I don’t know.. I couldn’t remember that night, I was drugged. He came to me out of the blue and claimed that you are his. I…dont want to trust him.. You are mine, my daughter. Even though, if he is your father, I will not let him come near you. Seul, stay away from him. He is planning to take you away from me” she said, her voice containing a hint of panic.

“I won’t let him take me away from you, I promise. You and Hoon are the only family that I have. Mom, don’t stress yourself. You are not well, we will talk about this later. You need to rest” she took her cold hand in hers, stroking it gently giving a little heat to the freezing hands.

“Are you alright?” Mrs Hwang asked worriedly. She was concerned of her daughter’s mental health though Seul had stopped taking medicine for her depression, still it could relapse.

Seul glanced over at her mother, secretly wiping her tears “I will be fine, don’t worry about me” she gave her a reassuring smile. The pain that she felt was nothing if she were to compare it with her mother, it was best to keep it to herself.

She pressed once more not convince with Seul response “Seul-ah, don’t keep it to yourself, cry if you want to cry, scream if you are angry, that is what normal people do” she caressed her cheeks softly in hope Seul would say something about her resentment. To her dismay, she remained stoic.

“It is okay, I am fine” Seul left a soft kiss on her forehead before stood up from her seat.

“Where are you going Seul?”

“I need some time alone, I won’t be late. Get some rest alright? Don’t wait for me” her weak smile was another way to indicate ‘no, im not okay please go after me and save me’ . In this situation, Mrs Hwang tried to find a solution more like somebody to ensure she would not do anything stupid.

She quietly grabbed her purse and made her way to the door leaving her mother who seemed about to lose her mind seeing her only daughter disappeared beyond the door. Pushing herself up from the couch, she grabbed her phone and scrolled through her contact. Hwasa or Wongeun were the best choice that she had, Seul needed someone by her side.

In fact, Mrs Hwang knew her daughter would not express her pain openly to anyone even with her, she was very conscious of what she’s about to say. To see how she fought back and recovered from her depression back then was a miracle.

However, that doesn’t mean it wont come back to haunt her.

Her eyes stopped at that one name in her contacts, the exact person that could be another miracle in Seul’s life. Without further ado, Mrs Hwang pushed the green button and waited for her calls to be answered.

“Yoongi-ah, it is ahjumma. I need your help..It is about Seul..”

This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2021. All Rights Reserved

[woodstockbtswriter]

Voyagers

Genre: Fluff/Headcanon

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (Female)

Summary: A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to join BTS on a Bon Voyage adventure leads to once-in-a-lifetime love.

Author’s Note: Please note that my drabble Happiness fits into this part, and I’ve added a link where it should be read. Also, I’ve worked really hard to make this installment the best that it can be because - ready or not - this is the penultimate chapter! All that’s left is an epilogue! So please, please enjoy, and we’ll see you next time for the finale! 💕

GIF Credit: MONOSUGA

Masterlist

Part Twenty

Outro Interviews

When dinner was winding down, the production crew pulled Yoongi out onto the deck to film his closing interview

You started helping to clear the table, but the other boys insisted they could take care of it, and told you to go relax

Grateful for the opportunity to rest, you headed toward the living room couch, but stopped when you spied Yoongi through the windows

The outdoor scene behind him was completely black now, and he was sitting in front of a camera with several spotlights trained on him

You could tell he was talking to the camera, answering a question, but you couldn’t hear what he was saying

Your curiosity winning out, you stepped through the glass doors out onto the patio, and stood behind the cameramen

You overheard a producer ask Yoongi what was his favorite memory from the trip, and he caught sight of you while he was thinking of a reply

The corner of his mouth lifting, he looked back at the camera and said he enjoyed the helicopter ride, but the nights you camped out were his favorite

Especially the second night, he added, his eyes flicking towards you

You hugged your shoulders as you stood in the cool night air, self-consciously covering your blossoming smile as you recalled how Yoongi first kissed you that night

The producer then asked Yoongi about a time when he felt bad or disappointed

Yoongi’s half-smile faded, and again he glanced at you before answering

He was a little disappointed he didn’t try the Nevis swing, he admitted

He felt bad that Namjoon had to go twice, first with you, then with Taehyung

Hearing Yoongi’s response, you considered how things might have been different if he had been your swing partner instead of Namjoon

And you felt a little disappointed too

But you quickly pushed the regret from your mind and listened as the producer recited another question

“What are your feelings about this trip?” He asked

There were many things that took his breath away, Yoongi replied

At times he was very moved - and he doesn’t get moved easily, he reminded

It had been a season of healing and relaxation, Yoongi continued, and his favorite season of Bon Voyage

Then Yoongi paused, puffing his cheeks as he chose his next words

“I was able to open myself up,” He said, his eyes lifting to meet yours, “And I found more happiness than I ever expected.”

A few of the crewmen followed Yoongi’s gaze to see you standing behind them, and you ducked your head shyly

The producer conducting the interview didn’t seem to notice, though

Or maybe he did

Because his next question was about you

“What was it like having an ARMY join you? How do you feel about her after this trip?” He asked Yoongi

You held your breath, suddenly anxious

You realized the producer likely posed the same question to all the boys and he probably wasn’t trying to pry

Even so, it felt like a personal question

And you wondered how Yoongi would handle it

But he seemed altogether unbothered as he formulated a response

You’re very caring, and always looking out for others, Yoongi said breezily

He thought other ARMYs would appreciate experiencing the show through you and that they would find you likeable

He also said that he knew all the members enjoyed having you, and you would remain their close friend

You appreciated his kind observations, but you were waiting for him to address the part about his feelings

The producer apparently had the same thought, and he repeated the question, emphasizing the word “you”

Yoongi looked to you, unsure, and you nodded encouragingly

“We have a lot in common and we get along well,” He finally shrugged, sucking in air through his teeth

“I like how I am around her. She gives me… hope.”

His body language was nonchalant, but you could see the affection in his eyes

And it sent a thrill through you

To your relief, the producer seemed satisfied with Yoongi’s answer

And none the wiser about the true feelings behind it

With a nod and a thank you, he wrapped up the interview with Yoongi and looked around until he found you

He motioned for you to take a seat in front of the camera, and you understood that it was your turn to film an outro

Complying, you moved past Yoongi towards the chair he just vacated

As you brushed by each other, your eyes met and a silent reassurance passed between you

You then sat beneath the warm lights, and took a deep breath

You were a little nervous

You’d gotten fairly used to the cameras this week, but it was easier to ignore them when you weren’t staring straight into the lens under the glare of a spotlight

But you could see Yoongi standing behind the crew, and the soft expression he wore as he watched you calmed your nerves

So you kept your focus on him as the producer asked you all the same questions he’d asked him

And you answered each one from your heart

“What was your favorite memory from the trip?”

Watching the sunset from high atop the mountains, outside the observatory on the second night

“When was a time when you felt bad or disappointed?”

Any time wasted not taking full advantage of your time with the boys

“What are your feelings about this trip?”

You were able to experience so many new things, and you’ll be forever grateful for the opportunity

“What was it like traveling with BTS?”

So much fun, and surprisingly comfortable; the boys always made you feel welcome and included

“How do you feel about the members after this trip?”

The members are even sweeter - and funnier - than they seem, and you’re honored to call them friends

The more you spoke, the more relaxed you felt

And Yoongi’s faint smile continued to put you even more at ease

You felt like the interview went well and that you were about done

But then the producer asked a question that caught you off guard

“You said at the beginning of filming that Suga is your bias, and you’ve spent a lot of time with him this week. How do you feel about him now?”

For a moment, all you could do was stare at the producer, heat flooding your cheeks

He didn’t really expect you to confess, on camera and in front of the whole production team, did he?

The producer’s expression seemed innocent enough

Maybe he wasn’t implying anything

Maybe he just wanted you to say something sweet and generic about your bias, something along the lines of “he’s great,” “he’s still my favorite,” and “I like him even more now”

So that’s what you said

But as you looked back up and found Yoongi still standing among the crew, you knew it wasn’t the whole truth

You didn’t just like him

You loved him

You knew as the crew, the cameras, the microphones, the lights, and everything seemed to fade away as you looked at each other

You knew as you felt the warmth radiating from him as his soft smile reached his eyes

With all your heart, you knew

You loved him

You loved Min Yoongi

The producer cleared his throat, and you realized you’d been staring past him, unblinking and unbreathing

You brought your focus back to the interview, inhaling deeply, then exhaling slowly

The producer waited to see if you had anything to add

And you decided you did have one more thing you wanted to say

“Yoongi has a special place in my heart.” You breathed

And you hoped he - and no one else - understood what you truly meant

BTS UNO - Round Two

At the conclusion of your interview, the camera crew wrapped, quickly packing their equipment and heading out for the night

You heaved a relieved sigh as they left, and you and Yoongi joined the boys back at the dining table for a card game

As everyone agreed on another round of UNO, Yoongi noticed that someone was missing, and called out across the house for Taehyung to come

Taehyung innocently looked up from his seat on Yoongi’s other side, and the rest of the boys burst out laughing when Yoongi realized his mistake

You took Yoongi’s hand under the table to comfort him, but you couldn’t help but laugh, too

You knew exactly how tired he was (you were exhausted too, for the same reason), but his sheepish expression was too adorable

Then Taehyung and Yoongi both called for Jungkook, and when he appeared a few moments later, Taehyung dealt out the UNO cards

As you examined your hand, Namjoon asked if you were going to make another bet this game

Hoseok suggested the loser buy dinner for all 8 of you, and everyone agreed

But as play started and Jimin laid his first card down, he took it a step further, saying he’d buy dinner twice if he lost

Not to be outdone, Taehyung said he’d been studying the rules and if he lost, he’d buy dinner 3 times

The others noisily accepted the raised stakes, and the game continued

Though it was getting late, you were all energetic as you played, joking and teasing and laughing

As you took turns putting cards down, one of the boys started an acoustic beat and everyone joined in, chanting um-ch um-ch um-ch for several rounds

After a solid hour with no winners, you began to wonder if the game would ever end

The deck had been reshuffled a dozen times and despite several of you calling UNO, no one went out

Until finally, Jungkook laid down his last card, and immediately scampered off to bed

After that, the rest of you promptly followed suit, each of you emptying your hands until only Yoongi and Jimin were left

They went back and forth for a few minutes, until Jimin made it down to 1 card and he stood up on his chair, sure he was about to win

Then Yoongi put down a +4, and several of you exclaimed in surprise

But Jimin was unfazed, and threw down his last card with a triumphant shout

As he went wild and the other boys congratulated him, Yoongi stared at the stack of cards on the table in disbelief

And so did you

Jimin had thrown a wild card, but as you’d proven last night, stacking cards was against the rules and he should have drawn 4 and lost his turn

Raising your voice to be heard over the din, you called Jimin out, telling him he didn’t win after all

Jimin froze, his mouth falling open, and Yoongi’s arms shot into the air as he shrieked in excitement

He then played his last two cards in rapid succession (another +4 and a wild) and stole the victory from an astonished Jimin

The other boys were equally amazed, and as they shouted, clapped, and laughed, Yoongi gave you the gummiest smile

He clasped your hand tightly in his lap, thanking you, and you smiled back just as brightly

Everyone was eager to head to bed when the game was finished, so they dispersed quickly, pulling off their microphones as they went

But only you and Yoongi knew your reason for being eager had nothing to do with sleep

Yoongi walked with you down the hallway, and when you stopped in front of your door, he leaned in

He whispered by your ear, saying he’d be back as soon as the other boys were in bed, and his lips grazed your skin, sending a shiver through you

You nodded as he stepped back, and you exchanged small smiles as he continued down the hall to his own room

Your exhaustion replaced by anticipation, you slipped into your room and immediately made sure the camera was off

You’d been looking forward to this all day

And though you hurried to complete your bedtime routine, you had every hope that you wouldn’t be going sleep anytime soon

Happiness

Last Night in NZ

You and Yoongi spent the next several hours together much as you did the night before

You spoke quietly, about anything and everything

You kissed frequently, but without any urgency

And you both grew sleepier and sleepier

But you never let go of each other

If anything, you pulled each other closer the longer you laid together

Physically and emotionally

Until finally, you couldn’t keep your eyes open a millisecond longer

You only meant to close them for a moment, but when you opened them again, bright light was shining in around the edges of the curtains

And Yoongi was snoring quietly behind you, his arm tight around your waist and his chest pressed against your back

You grabbed your phone to check the time, instantly wide awake

It was still early

If you acted fast, Yoongi could still sneak back to his room without anyone noticing

You turned over and touched his cheek, saying his name

And you tried not to get distracted by how ridiculously adorable he looked while asleep

He opened one eye, then quickly closed it, groaning at the light

It was morning, you explained, telling him you both fell asleep

Yoongi rolled to his back, rubbing his face and swearing under his breath

But then he replaced his arms around you, and reminded you that filming wrapped the night before

You hadn’t forgotten, but you also knew the crew would be back soon to pack up all the GoPro cameras before everyone headed to the airport in a few hours

When you brought this to his attention, Yoongi opened both of his eyes and stared at the ceiling before conceding that you were right

With a heavy sigh, he sat up and ruffled his hair, then looked to you with a pout

Your heart melted at the sight

You could tell he was reluctant to leave the bed, and you knew it was not because he was tired

You felt the same way

But it would be okay, you assured him

You had time

And as soon as you rebooked your flight…

You’d have even more

Previous - Next

Taglist: @bucky-thorin-winchester @yvemoon @serpentiinequeen @neilpoetssociety @narcissism-iskey @kaitswrld