#but i am confident our suffering and waiting is almost over

[starogeorgina]

Killer queen

Warnings: Incest

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen × Targaryen OC

1.04

“Muña!”

“Tré!” You call out as your son runs to you with his arms outstretched. The dragon keeper who accompanied him out of the pit nods, then excuses himself. You lifted your son up and kissed his chubby cheeks. “Did you have fun?”

Smiling brightly, he nods his head. Only a week after your son was born, Aemond began taking him dragon riding, so your son, who had just celebrated his fourth name day, was well acquainted with Vhagar. Tré learning to ride a dragon properly so young made you feel more confident for when he would be able to fly on his own dragon, Breeze, when they were both large enough.

His dragon came from a clutch of eggs laid by Aelora. Breeze’s body was silver and glimmered in the sun; his calm nature matched his bonded riders perfectly.

Tré points behind you, “Kepa!”

You watch as Aemond leaves the dragon pit and walks towards you. His toned figure is being hugged nicely by his riding gear as he struts towards you, looking pleased with himself. He rips his leather gloves off with his teeth before stroking the side of Tré’s cheek and brushing stray hairs behind your ear, saying, “You shouldn’t be lifting him in your condition.”

“Nonsense,” you say, shaking your head. “You just worry too much.”

Aemond’s hand rests against your swollen stomach. “I have every reason to be worried.”

Since the maester had confirmed you were pregnant again, Aemond had been treating you as if you were made of glass, which was understandable given how sickly you were during your first pregnancy. Goosebumps spread across your body as you watched Aemond take in your appearance, his eye blown with lust. He loved seeing you in revealing outfits, and the silver dress, which was almost completely backless aside from the thin fabric holding it together at your neck, seemed to be riling him up.

“I have a small counsel meeting to attend soon,” you say, handing your son over to him. Once you became a mother, you felt unsure of where your place was in your family; mother and father were king and queen after all, and having a baby made you want to take on more responsibilities to ensure his future was secure, so your grandsire suggested you attend your father's counsel meetings to learn the way of politics. “However, I will come find you after it while Tré is attending his lessons.”

You smiled, watching as your son snuggled into his father's chest, their silver hair blending together. Aemond still caressed your bump with his free hand while sighing, “I spoke to mother this morning. She wants to know how long we plan on waiting until we try for another once this baby is born.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her that we would have our own fleet within the next few years.”

You frowned at him; your first labor had lasted for days and was the worst experience of your life. Several times you begged for someone to end your suffering; of course the pain was worth it the moment your son was brought into the world, but you spent many years contemplating if you even wanted another, then decided you wanted your son to have a sibling, someone to grow up with. A subject you and your mother came to blows over several times.

Aemond chuckles. “I am only jesting, my love; you have already given me the family of my dreams. I would never ask you to go through this again.”

“I know,” you gulp down, feeling a wave of emotion hit you. “I should get going; I will see my favorite boys later.”

You walk away before tears spill from your eyes. By all means, you weren’t hurt or upset by your mother's question; you were angry. Angry that despite you having already made the decision not to have any more children after giving birth to the baby currently growing inside you, she insisted on trying to convince your husband otherwise.

—

When the council meeting was over, you spent some time trying to track Aemond down. He wasn’t in the nursery, library, training yard, or with any of your siblings, and Vhagar was flying riderless outside. It didn’t overly concern you as you knew he must have been inside the keep, but it was irritating as you wanted to spend some alone time with him.

When the knight opens the door to your bedroom chamber, you are welcomed by the sound of singing. You step inside and observe as Aemond sings a lullaby in High Valyrian as he pulls a black-scaled dragon egg out of his satchel.

You lean against the wall and say, “Fatherhood suits you.”

“And motherhood suits you.” Aemond turns around, giving you a devilish smile. He strides towards you, his hands gently gripping your hips, his lips now ghosting your own. “Especially this part, when you are full of my seed and swollen. The dragon growing inside you is strong. It’s easy to tell by the way you are glowing.”

“Hmm,” you nip at his lower lip playfully.

Aemond takes the opportunity and clashes his lips with your own, starting a long and passionate kiss. Just as his hands move to cup your heavy chest, there’s a knock at the door. Looking irritated by the interruption, he swings the door open himself, frightening the servant standing on the other side.

“My Prince,” the man says, giving him a neck bow before moving his attention to you, “princess. Prince Aegon sent me to tell you he’s awaiting you in the dragonpit.”

“Thank you, Silas.”

The servant smiles before bowing his neck again and leaving. Aemond rolls his eyes; he never understood your learning the names of all the servants who you interacted with daily.

You knew Aemond was furious by the way his jaw twitched as he watched you put on a black shawl to keep the chill off your bare back. Sternly, he says, “I thought you weren’t dragon-riding while pregnant.”

“No, I said I wouldn’t be riding on the dragon's back alone,” you corrected. “We will ride out on Sunfyre and fly back on Aelora.”

Unamused, Aemond repositioned his pants so that his hard-on was no longer visible. Huffing, he picks up one of his many books and sits down by the fire without saying another word. Aemond’s real issue wasn’t you going dragon riding; it was because he was jealous. Aelora would rip anyone who tried to mount her aside from you and Aegon to shreds, and your older brother would never let him forget it.

Your husband hadn’t made an effort to hide how envious he was of your connection to Aegon; a part of you always wondered if it was because it was the type of sibling relationship he craved himself, but you wouldn’t dare ask him, knowing the question would embarrass him. “Oh, my darling,” you say, wrapping your arms around his shoulder and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “I am simply trying to make the most of my time before the new baby comes, because when she is here, I imagine most of my time will be taken up with her and Tré.”

“I suppose you are right; besides, you’ll need to give our brother plenty of attention now before the new baby arrives. You know how competitive he can be.”

You pout at his words, “Aemond don’t-”

“You keep referring to the baby as a girl,” he says, kissing the back of your hand, changing the subject. “One of each would be nice; I hope she obtains her mother's beauty.”

You kiss him on the lips, then on the top of his scar above his eye. “It would only be fair since our son has gotten all of his good qualities from his father. I will see you once I return.”

“Be safe.”

—

On your walk back from the dragonpit, you hear two servants whispering in the hallway. They notice you staring and immediately curtsy. Smiling, you walk towards them and say, “Hello, I believed I heard my name.”

“Forgive us, princess,” a red-headed girl says frantically. “I meant no disrespect; I was just saying how beautiful your Targaryen hair is.”

“Oh,” your general said, surprised by her honesty. The same servant commented on your attire most days, commenting how wonderful it must be for a princess. “What do you like about it?”

Her face flushes red. “The braids, p-princess.”

“There’s no need to be so afraid. Do you like my braids as well?” You ask, facing the other servant.

She nods.

“Follow me.”

You lead the confused servants through the hallways until you reach your empty bedchamber. You had them both sit in chairs by the fireplace and begin braiding their hair to be similar to yours. During which time you learned the blonde's name was Laura and the redhead was Shayla.

While twirling strands of red hair around your finger, you ask, “How old are you? You look rather young to be working here.”

“One and two, princess.”

You had learned Shayla was the youngest of four daughters and that both her parents had died of a fever; her only living relative who was an adult sent them out for work immediately. “And you were the only sibling sent to work in the keep?”

“Yes, princess, my older sisters were sold to one of the brothels on Silk Street.”

Your hand immediately moves to your stomach, and you rub at it protectively. It terrifies you to think what kind of beasts the poor girls must have to deal with daily. “Do you know which brothel they are in?”

“I’m afraid I do not know princess; I haven’t seen them since the day we were sold. I do miss them terribly.”

You open your mouth to reply, but stop when Laura says, “Forgive me, princess, but it’s getting late. The head of the kitchen will scold me if I do not arrive before the sun sets.”

Hearing the fear in her voice, you give her permission to leave. When she’s gone, you return your attention back to the girl in front of you and ask, “What are your sister's names? And your last name?”

“Ava, Charlotte, and Bridget Our last name is Ford. Princ-”

“You do not need to call me priciness in every sentence,” you laugh softly. You make a mental note to ask Aegon in the morning to help you find these girls before finishing Shayla’s braid, saying, “Thank you for sharing with me. If it pleases you, I’d like to practice braiding your hair again, if that’s okay.”

Her eyes light up. “Of course, Princess.”

The young girl leaves your bedchamber just as your husband arrives; her grin never fades as she curtsies him on her way out, which puzzles Aemond, as most servants are too afraid to even look at him. He brushes it off and wraps his arms around your waist, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “How was dragon riding?”

“Excellent; although I think I’m getting rather fat for it, I struggled to strap myself in.”

He presses a kiss behind your ear and says, “I shall inquire into finding straps with more stretch in it.”

“Perhaps,” you turn around to face him, not missing the devilish glint in his eye. You take hold of his hand, moving it to your breast and squeezing. “But I believe we have some time to make up for my husband.”

[archduchessofnowhere]

Archduchess Marie Valerie's diary entry on her engagement to Archduke Franz Salvator the Christmas Eve of 1888:

December 24. Christmas Eve … as I write this, I have long been in Munich - it is January 3, 1889. (On December 24) Papa [Emperor Franz Josef] spoke so dryly about tonight that it could almost have offended me if I didn't know that he was only pretending that his whole heart wasn't in it, and Mama [Empress Elisabeth] was sad. [Crown Prince] Rudolf was watching her, then me, and was very friendly. Little Elisabeth [Rudolf's daughter] was very happy about the presents and played with her things while we dined in the Alexandrian room on the left. After dinner, I took [Crown Princess] Stephanie aside and told her my decision, whereupon she immediately congratulated me. Everything passed me by almost as if in a dream. Rudolf and Stephanie left with the King [?] before seven o'clock and Mama promised to come over with us as soon as it was done. When the three of us were now in Mama's toilet room, Papa said he was surprised that Stephanie didn't find it offensive that Rudolf had been taken into confidence [regarding the engagement] before her… they should get him. Mama hugged him and said with sisterly tenderness: "I love you so much." I can't say how happy that made me, because it made him feel so good, he hugged her and asked with great emotion: "No, really? It hasn't been for a long time." Excited as I was, I immediately began to cry and yet I was doubly happy that it was Franz [Salvator, Archduke of Austria-Tuscany]'s and my bond of pure young love that had brought my parents this sacred and beautiful hour of union. The intimate union of the parents among themselves, with me and even with Rudolf seems to me the clearest proof of the blessing that rests on our love… I plucked up the courage to throw myself on Papa's chest, although he showed me no particular tenderness and then went out… Then Mama and I said our evening prayers as usual and about half past 7 I hugged her crying and begged her to forgive me for anything I ever did wrong against her as I closed out my sunny life as a free girl. In her overwhelming kindness, she said she wished there was more to forgive, then it wouldn't be so hard for her to give me up… Beating heart into the study room after I had prayed at the prayer stool; here he sat with Zummel [Countess Marie Kornis, lady-in-waiting], who immediately went out…. I shook his hand… "So Franz, now I want to give you my answer - do you still have me on loan? Do you still want me?" "Yes." "Well - there I am - there you have me." I was so excited that I don't remember if he said anything right away: all I know is that he leaned down to me without letting go of my hand and pretended to kiss me without actually giving me a kiss. I returned this embrace, which seemed a little too cool to me, putting as much tenderness into it as was possible, and then really looked into his dear eyes. Such an inexpressible happiness radiated from them that it soon passed into my soul and I realized that I was happy, very happy. He struggled for words and said: "You have given me the most beautiful Christmas. You make me infinitely, unspeakably happy." "And you forgive me for putting you off for so long and for everything I did to you? Because you suffered a lot for me." "Yes," he said simply. Then I took the little gold locket that I was wearing on a red ribbon around my neck and gave it to him… He immediately put it on his necklace. We held hands. Valérie: "Now I'm yours for time and eternity." "And I'll be yours forever." "Forever - how much I've prayed for that." Franz: "And me too." "Now we thank God too," I said and we knelt down together, blissfully united, and prayed with overflowing hearts. Then we put the cross on each other's foreheads.

Now I went out and told Gusti [Auguste von Heidt, Valerie's chambermaid] that I would ask Mama to come up. Like all of us, she had put aside her mourning for the day [Elisabeth's father, Duke Max in Bavaria, had died on November 15] and was youthfully dazzlingly beautiful when she came in with Papa and tenderly embraced me and then Franz as well, tearfully telling him that she gave him everything, that he should make me happy. We kissed Papa's hand and he also kissed Franz so sweetly and said kind words to him. Then Mama gave Franz a big pastel picture of me. Papa looked at us for a long time with amusement: "Valérie is looking very happy." It may have been 8 o'clock when we went over to Rudolf's, Papa and Mama in front, Franz and I behind - arm in arm. He gave us a very friendly welcome and even kissed Franz. We only stayed for a very short time and when we came back, Mama sent for Zummel, who was crying so much that she couldn't say anything other than whether I was happy… Mama hugged dear Zummel so sweetly: "We're off now." Then she told her to give Franz a hug, which he replied very sweetly and simply.

Papa and Mama went to sleep, and Franz and I gradually tried to realize that this blissful reality was not a dream. We had discussed with Papa and Mama that he should travel with us to Munich instead of visiting Manni [Albert, 8th Prince of Thurn und Taxis, Valerie's cousin] in Regensburg… I also asked him if he had any premonitions for today. "Yes, because Zummel was so terribly upset." We then wrote telegrams together to his parents [Archduke Karl Salvator and Archduchess Maria Immacolata], Grandmama [Duchess Ludovika in Bavaria], Gisela [Princess of Bavaria, Valerie's sister], Amélie [Duchess in Bavaria, Valerie's cousin] and Manni. He looked over my shoulders, fixed my hairpins, looked happy, but didn't give me a kiss, even though I laid my cheek against his for a second. After 9 o'clock, Zummel reminded us to leave and we said goodnight.

Schad, Martha and Schad, Horst [ed] (1998). Das Tagebuch der Lieblingstochter von Kaiserin Elisabeth. 1878-1899 (Translation done by DeepL. Please keep in mind that in a machine translation a lot of nuance may/will be lost)

[mindfulpathways]

Balancing Parenthood and Personal Growth: A Journey Through Procrastination, Coaching, and Healing

Balancing the demands of parenthood with the pursuit of personal growth can feel overwhelming. This is my story of grappling with procrastination, navigating coaching experiences, and embarking on a journey of healing and self-improvement.

Struggles with Procrastination:

There are times when I find myself entangled in the web of AI tools for my Shopify store, completely losing track of time and neglecting essential activities like eating. This obsession often leaves me unproductive and frustrated. For example, I can spend hours engrossed in these tools, only to realize later that I haven't accomplished anything significant. This cycle of unproductivity fuels my feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

Despite having access to numerous resources and courses, I struggle to maintain focus. Today, it’s already afternoon, and I need to pick up my children. Although I've done some tasks, the critical business goals remain unmet. This ongoing battle with productivity exacerbates my self-doubt, making it hard to break free from the cycle.

Navigating Parenting Challenges:

Being a parent adds another layer of complexity to my daily struggles. The guilt of not dedicating enough quality time to my kids is ever-present. My daughter, for instance, suffers from severe separation anxiety, stemming from past threats made by her mother. Each day, she waits by the door, anxious and fearful, underscoring the impact of our tumultuous past on her sense of security.

Balancing parental duties with personal ambitions is no easy feat. Often, I find myself neglecting basic needs or responsibilities due to my focus on work, which in turn makes me question my effectiveness as a parent. The constant worry about my children's well-being and my ability to provide a stable environment is a heavy burden to bear.

Coaching and Personal Growth:

The path to personal growth has been marked by my interactions with various coaches, each offering different insights and challenges. One coach’s overly warm demeanor left me questioning her authenticity, while another’s confident, almost aloof approach made me feel I needed to prove my commitment.

These coaching experiences have been a double-edged sword. While they have provided valuable guidance, they have also highlighted my insecurities and lack of direction. The questions posed by a Tony Robbins coach, for example, forced me to confront the harsh reality of my fears—failing to pursue my goals could lead to deep regret and self-loathing.

Healing from Trauma:

My journey is deeply intertwined with overcoming past traumas. I am proud to have maintained sobriety from crystal meth since 2008, yet I continue to grapple with other compulsive behaviors. Techniques such as somatic experiencing, developed by Peter Levine, have been crucial in my healing process, helping me build confidence and process lingering traumas.

Recovery is ongoing and challenging. Despite my progress, financial worries and fears of failing to secure a stable future persist. ADHD complicates matters, as I often forget important tasks, adding to my anxiety. Nonetheless, the pursuit of somatic healing has given me a renewed sense of hope and direction.

Financial Anxiety and Future Planning:

Financial stability remains a significant concern. My $35,000 savings are dwindling, consumed by living expenses and efforts to create meaningful content. The fear of not completing a $7,000 e-commerce program haunts me, as does the daunting task of selecting product suppliers for my business. Why do I skip checking out the next possible program? Sigh

Building a sustainable business feels like a monumental task fraught with financial risks. The anxiety over potentially exhausting my resources and the constant pressure of financial management weigh heavily on me. The added challenge of dealing with ADHD, which often leads to forgetfulness, exacerbates these fears and stresses. Just another steam of consciousness

[yeonban]

Unprompted!

@apricyties asked: "Has your body gotten used to the change yet?" Is there anything I can do to help you feel better again? Despite the lack of words, Cyno knows that the man understands what he is truly asking: for both of them had undergone yet another change with the fragments completion. As he is the one to have absorbed Hermanubis' full powers, Cyno's reaction wasn't quite like what he had gone through during his childhood, as the separation from his other half was akin to severing ones own limbs.

"I am rather fortunate that my training in the past decade has prepared me well to serve as Hermanubis' host. I doubt that I could claim the same if that were to happen during our younger years." That is not said as an underestimation of Sethos' prowess - both mentally and physically, the man has proved how strong he is. Yet now that Cyno has both fragments inside of him, he understands the magnitude it truly hosts and he shuns the image of a child being forced to accept it.

A deflectory joke awaits on his tongue, a dishonesty in the making laying in wait for whoever wishes to attempt to encroach on Sethos' personal troubles (it's not fitting for the Temple members to know of their leader's ailing, not now, after they've already anguished over their former head's dire condition for months on end before ultimately watching him die, nor is his suffering something to make a spectacle of in front of the nosy third parties) yet the jaunty facade he steadfast maintains almost shatters when a familiar voice abruptly reaches his ears. Turning his head towards the voice's direction, Sethos' eyes rapidly scan for the locations of his nearest people, as if checking whether it's safe to speak his mind over here or not, before returning to stare into Cyno's pair.

He considers passing this suspicious movement off as surveying for whoever has given the General a tip about where to find him inside the multitude of rooms, and further considers responding to the question through a harmless act of omission, but Sethos halts these thoughts before they can take any more of a proper shape. It isn't wise for anyone to lie to the General Mahamatra's face and expect success to emerge out of that foolishness, but worse still is thinking of lying to the one he can consider his matching second half, who understands what even the slightest of shifts in Sethos' heartbeats mean. And besides... should he opt to lie to Cyno now, wouldn't it dismiss their hard won trust? Should he opt to lie to Cyno here, and by doing so establish a certain barrier between the two of them, then who else would he ever be able to confide in? It has been decades since he's last allowed himself the relief of having his burdens shared by another... and never in this world nor the next will there appear a person more fitting for Sethos to open his heart to than the man currently standing in front of him.

The hesitation previously building up slowly starts to dissipate, as does the brief tension in his muscles, and Sethos' voice comes out as soft, in part out of fondness for his friend's concern, and partly as proof of his roaring headache. Although he has valiantly done his duties thus far without faltering nor giving his people much reason for distress, if given the opportunity to... he would much rather speak on and hear a gentle tone, one not thunderous enough to irk him into an even worse state than he's already battling against. ❛ While I'd love to be able to say yes to that... no, it's not quite there yet. It's fine though, I just need to give it some more time. I'm sure it'll adjust soon enough. ❜

He could inquire about the reason why Cyno is here when the place he ought to be at is several miles away, but there is no need to ask what the heart already knows the answer to. If Sethos' condition has been flaring up as it once had upon their fragments' prior separation from one another, and if Cyno's next words are any evidence that it isn't only the loss of a Ba Fragment at fault, but the gain of its complementary half as well, then it's safe to assume both of the hosts' bodies have been undergoing changes ever since their fated duel. And from there on out... well, Cyno has always been the sweeter of the two, despite what appearances might lead people to believe.

❛ Oh, yeah. I've been thinking about that, too. You remember how my grandfather mentioned that the Ba Fragments suddenly started shining when he was considering whether to put one in each of us, or both in one of us, right? I'm sure His Glory directly intervened with his decision at that time, which leads me to believe that whichever one of us would have received both of the fragments back then would have probably.... ❜ Not survived the experiment, is how the statement would have continued, if Sethos hadn't purposefully omitted the rest. After all, with or without words, Cyno should be more than capable of piecing together what Sethos had been hinting.

Instead of stressing over the less savory parts of their discussion, the Temple leader's hues widen in curiosity and he decides to switch the tone of the conversation and ask for a confirmation for his guess, and thus return Cyno's concern in kind. If only he is suffering as a result of their bout, then there truly couldn't have been a better outcome for it, as far as he's aware. ❛ But with the way you're phrasing things now, should I take it that there haven't been many debilitating side effects to absorbing the second Ba Fragment? ❜

[sarcasmsweetie]

After the Mountain

So, I've had this idea of what it was like immediately after Amarantha was defeated, how her victims responded in the aftermath of her defeat. I tried writing it solely from Rhys' perspective, but discovered I was awful at that. So I created Ava to help tell the story for me where I couldn't for Rhys. Most likely will be a standalone, but I am already picturing a Part 2 where Feyre comes for Velaris and is finding it difficult to come to terms with her new life. We shall see. No romantic entanglements in this one, but my love for our Shadow Boy is LOUD.

Word count: 4.4k

Taglist: No taglist while shadow ban is still in place.

I watched with tears in my eyes as all of the High Lords banded together to bring Feyre back to life. Drops of light landed on her chest, and she soon woke with a gasp. Almost as if he were waiting for confirmation the revival is sticking, my dear friend moved back to my side, linking his arm with mine.

Nothing will be the same, he whispered in my mind. I leaned my head on his shoulder, tears silently falling down my face.

No. But like everything else the world has thrown at us, we’ll navigate this together. I looked up at him, his violet gaze meeting mine. With our family. Tears gathered in the corners of his own eyes as if just realizing now we’re truly free. 50 years of pain and suffering, trapped under the thumb of one of the cruelest creatures either of us have encountered in our long lives, suddenly over in a snap.

We stood in silence for a moment, both watching over the countless souls crying in relief of their newfound freedom. Some winnowed out the moment Amarantha perished, whereas others are finally taking a moment to mourn loved ones who were lost in this wretched place, having been too terrified to let their masks slip in the moment that someone passed.

I watched a few of the angrier ones lash out against any remaining guards or steadfast followers of Amarantha, no one taking steps to stopping them. A few more ran out of the hall, either in search of an exit as they are unable to winnow, or possibly to the dungeons to release whoever may be locked up down there. It was certainly chaotic, but Rhys and I just watched from the sidelines.

I got the sense that Rhys was waiting for something, and as badly as I wanted to leave this place, I trusted him to know that this was important enough to delay our departure. While we were close prior to Amarantha destroying everything, our time trapped under here caused our friendship to grow deeper, stronger. I suppose that’s one saving grace to this entire endeavor - I finally understand my High Lord. Being best friends with Mor, we certainly spent a lot of time together over the centuries, but never did I feel like I had an understanding of what was going on in his head until neither of us had a choice but to rely on one another to survive.

Over time, my room eventually became our room. There has never been a romantic component to our relationship (Mor would beat both of us if it ever came to that), but the comfort of not spending nights alone was what drew us closer. A shoulder to cry on, a safe space to rage and confide, a comfortable place to sleep knowing someone you care for is there to protect you. I’ve always been an outcast in the belief that you could have multiple soulmates, that their sole purpose isn’t to be your perfect romantic partner. But rather people who challenge you to be better, who help strip away layers of yourself in order to truly discover your deepest potential. Most importantly, they are people who stay, accepting and loving this evolved you. I realized Mor was one of my soulmates when we were young and she helped me escape the Hewn City, and I can now confidently say that Rhys is another who fits into the puzzle that is my soul.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Rhys shifted, posture straightening ever so slightly. Without needing to follow his gaze, I watched as Feyre broke away from the crowd. “Will you be okay here for a moment, little nightingale?” My heart tightened at the nickname and he squeezed my arm, almost as if in apology.

Of course. I’ll be here when you’re ready to go home. His hand slid down my arm to my hand, offering another squeeze before turning towards where Feyre disappeared to.

I remained where he left me, not wanting to move too far away so as not to delay our departure when he comes back. I continued to look over the room, noticing significantly fewer figures as the majority left to go home themselves. A few walked past me, offering brief farewells and sad smiles, but one eye I did catch was that of the new High Lord of Summer. He said something to those around him, before he made his way towards me with his entourage a few steps behind, seemingly terrified to leave their new High Lord on his own even though the biggest threat has already been neutralized. Certainly can never be too careful these days. Can’t be too trusting of anyone, especially those who have worn masks for half of a century in order to survive. No way to tell what anyone’s true nature is unless you knew them prior to the Mountain.

“I do hope you won’t be staying here much longer. We are soon to be leaving now that all that remains of our court are accounted for.” I smiled softly at Tarquin and those behind him, recognizing the flashes of grief in their eyes as they thought of those they’ve lost. I nodded, trying to swallow before opening my mouth.

“Soon.” I whispered, more of an exhale of breath than anything that resembled a voice. Tarquin’s gaze dropped briefly to my neck before meeting my eyes once more.

“Take care of yourself, Ava. Hopefully, if we meet again, it will be under much better circumstances.” I offered him and his court a deep bow, silently wishing they all take care of themselves as well. As I straightened, I watched as they turned towards one another and began winnowing out. Tarquin’s gaze caught my own before he left, and I waved goodbye as he vanished from sight.

I dropped my arm to my side on a sigh, glancing around the room a final time. I tried to avoid looking, but with the crowd so significantly thinned out, I couldn’t help but look at the stage I was forced to perform on every night for 50 years. I moved my hand to my throat, tracing the jagged scars as I remembered every horrid moment I spent down here. Screams echoed in my mind, both of strangers and my own. The cool metal slicing across my neck time and time again if I was deemed to be “pitchy,” a blade striking down over Jasker’s wrists, severing his talented guitar-strumming hands from his arms. I felt my heart begin to race as each new memory passed along my vision, breath picking up as I began to enter a panic attack - a feeling I am unfortunately all too familiar with.

Before I could fall any further, Rhysand stood in front of me looking frantic. He placed his hands gently on my cheeks, making me meet his gaze. It’s time to go. We need to go. I nodded, feeling myself calm down slightly but only due to the rising panic I was sensing growing in him. I grabbed for his hands, holding tightly as he winnowed us from our personal hell.

We stumbled into the foyer of the townhome, seemingly gasping for breath as we both teetered on the edges of our own panic attacks. Rhys was muttering under his breath, but I couldn’t hear him due to the blood pounding heavily in my ears. He still looked frantic, eyes wide but glazed over as he tugged at his hair. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flurry of red and gold run into the room, but her gasp cut through the noise in my head as I met her brown eyes. She brought her hand to her mouth as tears fell freely down her cheeks as she looked between both of us. I longed to run to her, but I could finally make out what Rhys was muttering over and over again: She’s my mate.

I moved to him, placing a hand on his cheek, while my other grabbed one of his and held it against my chest. Directing his gaze to mine, I took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and slowly released. I repeated the action while staring into his terrified eyes, praying it wouldn’t take too long for him to become grounded. After a few more breathing repetitions, he grasped the hand I held to his cheek and held on tight as he then followed my lead, taking deep breaths in before releasing. I watched as his eyes began to gain focus again, but continued to breath with him, doing my best to keep my mind as empty as possible in case anything I think pushes him over the edge again. A few minutes passed and I knew he was back with me as his eyes watered while he leaned forward to rest his forehead against my own. I closed my eyes, feeling the tears starting to build yet again, but began to project my thoughts to him.

We’re free. We’re safe. We’ll figure it out. One day at a time. We’ll get through this.

I felt him nod, so I opened my eyes to see him with a small smile. Seeing as he was centered again, I remembered where we were. I pulled back and turned to where I saw Mor only to find two Illyrians flanking her. All three were crying, though that didn’t stop Mor from throwing herself at me as Cassian and Azriel enveloped Rhys into a long overdue hug.

Mor and I sank to the ground as we cried, clutching onto each other tightly. I was vaguely aware that I hadn’t bathed in some time, but clearly that didn’t matter (or I didn’t smell as bad as I assumed I did). She pulled back far too soon, hands brushing up my arms and over my shoulders before hesitating at my neck. Her hands hovered while she looked over what was a new scar to her. Ever so gently, she traced from one exterior jugular vein to the other - essentially ear to ear across my neck. The scar was thickest, and therefore cut the deepest, over my vocal cords.

“What did she do to you?” she whispered, and I smiled sadly. I watched as the tears started anew at my nonverbal response. I noticed movement behind her as the three males moved to us, and I nodded my head towards her cousin. They need their own reunion as much as we needed ours. She helped me stand before pulling Rhys into a tight hug.

Cassian’s smile was bright as he moved to me and I watched the exact moment he clocked the scar on my neck, but that didn’t stop him from pulling me into one of the most bone-crushing yet comforting hugs I’ve encountered in a long time. I tried to hold onto him just as tightly, but knew my strength was nothing compared to his. “I’ve missed you so much, nightingale. We’re never letting either of you out of our sights ever again. I swear it.” I pulled back slightly so I could reach up and wipe away some of the tears on his cheeks. His is a face that is meant to be smiling and tears have no place there.

A small shadow mimicked my actions, and I turned to Azriel with a smile. Normally uncertain as to what the stoic male is thinking, I pushed all thoughts aside as I moved from Cassian to Azriel, embracing him as tightly as I did Cass. Without hesitation, his arms moved around me and held on tight. Almost as tight as Cassian’s embrace, causing my smile to widen. Cass had come up behind us at some point and began stroking my hair, still wanting to maintain some sort of contact to prove to himself this wasn’t another dream.

As I pulled back from Azriel, Rhysand cleared his throat. “You have no idea what it means to us to be back home.” He glanced at me. “Especially what it means to us to be back to healers.” The look I gave him clearly conveyed anything I could possibly think, but the three others looked back and forth between us.

We know exactly what she’s going to say, Rhysand. 

“Actually, we don’t know exactly what she’s going to say. Which is precisely why we need you to see Madja as soon as possible.”

There’s nothing to be done about the scar, and my voice is gone, Rhys. It’s been getting worse over the last 15 years, and there’s nothing left.

“For all we know, you just need some rest, Ava. It could come back.” My eyes began to water as I finally began to accept what I’ve been putting off for so long.

Even if it comes back, I don’t want it anymore. She destroyed it in every way possible.

“Aves, don’t say that.” Rhys looked heartbroken, but Cassian cleared his throat.

“As much as I love one-sided conversations, can we be clued in? Little nightingale, why aren’t you speaking up?” He was looking at me like he knew the answer already, but didn’t want to hear it. I reached for his hand, holding tightly as I shook my head.

“Her voice is currently gone, courtesy of Amarantha. I believe she just needs some rest, some time to let it come back on its own after half a century of being overused.” I stood there for a moment, waiting for him to continue. When it was clear he wasn’t going to share my perspective, I blew up, pulling my hand from Cassian’s grasp in order to point my finger at him in anger.

“When you are acting as my voice, you do not get to decide what is or isn’t said on my behalf.”

My mouth was moving, but no sound came out. I felt as if I was screaming at the top of my lungs, and I noticed that Mor started crying again and Az’s jaw clenched tightly. I felt Cassian shift closer to me but stopped just before making contact. I suppose it’s one thing to be told someone’s voice is gone, almost as if they’re ill and they’re just a bit raspy, but another thing to witness firsthand that it is destroyed.

“You have no right to censor me like that, Rhysand.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry Ava. It is a horrid disservice to you to cut out your thoughts and opinions like that because I don’t like what they could mean.” Mor growled under her breath, and Rhys glanced at her. “My apologies to all of you. As Ava just pointed out, I have to be her voice for her right now, so it’s not fair of me to not give the whole story.” Cassian placed what was supposed to be a comforting hand on my shoulder, but a sense of vulnerability hit me so suddenly that I stepped away, crossing my arms over my chest.

“We’re going to have to figure out a way to communicate with you, Aves. Rhys isn’t always going to be around to play interpreter.” I nodded, but unfortunately looked to Rhys to speak for me again.

“We actually talked about that a while ago, what she would do if we got out. I know there are books for signing in the library, and a few of the priestesses would be able to work with her as well. For now, I suppose you’ll just be carrying around a notebook if I’m not with you to translate.”

“The priestesses would be able to work with all of us. Not just Ava.” Everyone turned to look at Az. “You learning to sign would be pointless if we don’t learn as well.” Mor nodded along.

“Az is right - completely pointless for you to learn a new method of communicating with us and we still don’t understand what you’re saying. I’m in!”

Cassian draped an arm around my shoulders, nodding with a smile. “We just got you back. No way are we losing you because of something that we can overcome.”

“And I bet this will wind up all being for nothing as I am certain Madja will confirm what I’ve known all along in that your voice will be back before we know it.”

Before Az stepped away to collect Madja, he gently reached for my hand. “We’re together now. No matter what happens, we face it as a unit.” I smiled at how similar this was to what I said to Rhys earlier today. Squeezing his hand didn’t feel like enough, so I pulled him into another hug. I couldn’t blame myself – he’s usually pretty selective when it comes to showing affection and I’m going to take every advantage as possible to have the soft spymaster in our presence before he goes back into hiding behind his shadows.

He chuckled as if he knew exactly what game I was playing but didn’t put up a fight. Before he pulled away, he whispered softly in my ear, “I’ve missed you terribly, sweetheart.” His mask was back in place as he moved into the shadows to find the healer.

Either I did a great job at hiding a blush, or Cassian decided to humor me in pretending it didn’t exist when he directed Rhys and I into the living room. “Is there anything I can get you before they get back?”

I doubt we have time for a bath that would let me scrub myself raw, so I’ll settle for some tea. Rhys smirked, and shared we would both appreciate tea, if it wasn’t too much trouble. Mor scoffed and ran off to the kitchen to brew something for all of us. Cassian continued to look us over as we sat, probably looking to see if there were any other injuries he missed before. I held my hand back out to him, admittedly feeling a little bad for shying away from his affection in the foyer. He quickly took hold, grip tight as he smiled at me. We remained silent, content to just be in this moment while we waited for Mor and Az to come back. Luckily, the wait wasn’t long.

Mor walked in with a tray at the same time shadows appeared and both Az and Madja walked out. Madja ran to Rhys with a cry, pulling him into a motherly embrace. I turned away to hide my tears, busying myself with adding honey to the cup Mor passed to me. “Thank the Mother you’re back. Sit down, let me take a look at you.”

Rhys started to object, but I cut him off. You first, High Lord. Your health and safety, whether you like it or not, is far more important than mine. He gave me a hard look. For me. Please? With a sigh, he sat back down in the chair as Madja looked between the two of us. If it weren’t for her years of healing, I’m sure she would have gaped at my neck. Instead, she looked between us again, weighing who she should look over first. I pointed to him, settling into Cassian’s side as I sipped my tea. Clearly showing I had no intention of going anywhere any time soon and can wait my turn.

“I can assure you, Madja, that I am physically uninjured. Deprived of the sun, absolutely. But I imagine this will be very quick for you.” She narrowed her eyes, and I smirked at the I-will-be-the-judge-of-that attitude that Rhys is rarely on the receiving end of.

Madja’s hands began to glow slightly as her healing magic flowed through her, and she hovered them over various parts of Rhys, sensing what may or may not be healthy. I always marveled at the magic of healers, wishing I had a gift similar to theirs.

Mor sat on the arm of the couch beside Rhys while Az sat on the other arm. As I was still leaning against Cassian, the position made it easy for Az to reach behind Cassian and play with strands of my hair. I sighed into my tea, finally feeling safe in the arms of my family. Cassian glanced at me briefly when I sighed, but I smiled up at him and Azriel. They both smiled back, and I leaned deeper into Cassian and Azriel’s touch.

Looking back over at Rhys, I watched as Madja was wrapping up her exam, noting exactly what Rhys said: nothing was physically wrong. She turned to me, and I pointed to my neck as a sign that this is the only area that’s physically harmed. Rhys quietly interpreted that, in case it wasn’t clear.

“If it’s all the same, I’d still like to look over the rest of you to be safe.” I nodded, and Cassian grabbed my teacup and set it on the table for me while I sat up. I felt a trail of warmth where her hands moved across my legs, torso, and arms. She bypassed my neck for a moment to look over my head for any fractures before settling into the biggest issue. “May I ask what happened here?”

I glanced at Rhys, and he took in a deep breath. “I can start with what I’ve seen, and you can stop me to fill in any gaps as I go?” I nodded. The warmth of Madja’s hands grew while she examined my neck, as if her healing was digging deeper for answers.

“To start at the beginning, we all know that Ava was invited to perform at the gala Amarantha was hosting, which we all now know was a trap. Amarantha apparently went to a few of Ava’s performances over the years, enraptured with her voice.

Once the trap was set, she demanded Ava sing every night we were under the Mountain. Amarantha tried to make every night seem like a party in the early days. A bit deranged at times, but a party nonetheless. At first, the amount of time Ava performed on stage was manageable, nothing different from what she would do when she was touring Prythian. The first marker for us that things were taking a darker turn for the worse is when Amarantha would force Ava to be on stage all night, singing nonstop.”

Not just me, but the other performers as well. Her attention to them became all-consuming.

“Yes, you’re right. There were other musicians that would accompany Ava, and Amarantha turned her wrath to them before she turned to Ava, almost as if she didn’t want to hurt her at first. She would break the bones in the hands of the percussionist over and over until her could no longer hold drum sticks. She would slice off the fingers, then hands, of any guitarist who was on stage. Finally, she would take a blade and slice across Ava’s throat. She’d allow a healer on the stage to do the bare minimum to get them ‘back at it as the party isn’t done yet.’” He trailed off, and I think we were both seeing the same images of mutilated musicians and blood pooling on the floor of the stage after an Amarantha Tantrum. “There was never a way to tell what would set her off. Reasons she clung to would be those such as not wanting to hear that particular song, or Ava was ‘pitchy’ or a musician played the wrong chord. Sometimes weeks would go by, and she wouldn’t lash out. Sometimes, I would watch her slit Ava’s throat upwards of 5 times a performance.”

Wild how a singer doesn’t sound great when she’s actively bleeding on stage…

“It was about 15 years ago that Ava stopped speaking completely in an attempt to save what little voice she had left for the stage. We had seen Amarantha kill the percussionist and numerous guitarists over the years when she grew bored of them, tired of ‘correcting’ their performance.” Rhys looked over to me and grabbed my hand. “Ava and I did everything we could to keep her from that fate.”

As Rhys shared this, Madja had been looking me over as thoroughly as she could. She sat back with a sigh, and I knew what was coming. Rhys’ grasp on my hand tightened, as Cassian grabbed my other hand. Mor followed Azriel’s lead in leaning over to grab hold of a shoulder while we waited for Madja’s verdict.

“I could tell you that you need months of rest and tea blends to aid in the soothing recovery of getting your voice back.” She met my gaze, and I resigned myself to what she wasn’t saying. “But I’m not in the business of false promises. Maybe one day, a whisper can come back to you. From what I am seeing, though, I am so sorry to say that there is nothing I can do for your condition.” Her fingers trailed a bit over the scar. “I may be able to soften the scarring a bit, but I will leave that up to you.”

I shook my head. I’ve lived with it for so long, there’s no need to try and do anything here.

Rhys cleared his throat. “She says she’s lived with it for so long already, there’s no need.” Madja nodded in understanding.

“I’m more than happy to check in with you as time goes on to see if there’s any changes. You know where to find me.” I released my grasp on Cassian’s to grab hers in thanks. Azriel stood to escort Madja back to her home, but everyone remained quiet in the living room.

We expected this, Rhysand.

“Expecting didn’t mean accepting, nightingale. But for now, let’s just take the time we were given and enjoy being safe, being home.”

“I will cheers to that, brother.” Cassian moved to the liquor cabinet and Mor helped pass along the glasses to us. Once the last glass was handed off, Azriel emerged from his shadows. He looked around with a slightly raised brow, curious as to how we went from somewhat sad news to a somber, but still celebratory drink.

I moved to hand Azriel his glass, and his shadows swirled around our hands at the exchange. I smiled to him, then at everyone else, and he seemed to figure out the reason for the drink.

The other moved to us and we stood in a tight circle as we raised our glasses. “To coming home.”

[thoughtfulnessme]

30/12/2023

So, it's been a hot minute since I posted anything.

Our baby girl is now nearly 10 months old, she is the most amazing little girl. She is so funny, silly, clever. She loves exploring her little world, she loves being outside and playing with trees and looking at birdies. She loves splashing in water and giving cuddles. She smiles all day and loves when we chase her around crawling. I cannot believe she is almost 10 months old and this year is almost over.

2023 - the year our baby was born & the year we became parties. It was the best, happiest but also hardest year of our lives. We overcome a lot but everyday is such a blessing with our beautiful little girl. I love watching her grow and develop every day. Let's do the yearly recap of 2023!!

January - I had my baby shower at my home surrounded by my closest family and friends, I had the best time!!

February - I started my mat leave and (im)patiently waited for my little girl to arrive.

March - Our girl arrived on 6th March after 38 hours of labour. It was so intense, traumatic and ended in an emergency c section but our girl was happy & healthy!!

The birth process effed me up pretty mentally. I suffered post natal depression and insomnia!

April - We had our babies first easter and my brothers, stepmum and dad met our daughter

May - celebrated my first mother's day with my mum and bubba

June - I finally got the hang of looking after my baby. Emotionally, I was feeling so much better and felt more like myself! Mum went home and it was just me and hubby looking after bubs. At the end of the month, my dad & brothers came to visit again.

July - Bubba started baby sensory and swimming and enjoyed both. It was so adorable seeing her get more confident each week and interact with other babies.

August - Bubba started solids! At first, she absolutely hated food.

September- celebrated our first fathers day as a family, bub started sitting up by herself.

October - my mum came back down for a visit, we celebrated my birthday altogether, bub started crawling and we had our first family holiday to Fiji which was amazing!!

November - my dad and step mum visited again and we had a great time.

December - Our baby's first christmas!! We spent it with my mum, brothers and my in laws. We had the best time spending time together, going to lunch, dinner and the beach.

We had the most amazing year!!! It will be sad to see this year go but I am excited to see what 2024 brings!!

[lansdellicious]

Burger Battle 2023, Round 13 - Bernard Stanley

Another perennial favourite, Bernard Stanley Gastropub (BSG) is probably the best burger place in town on average. That said, they have yet to manage to win the big one, almost always finishing in the top 10. Can they bring it home this year?

On this year's entry, the Cherry Popper burger, they offer a 6 oz ground chuck patty, cherry chipotle bbq sauce, maple pork belly, goat cheese and caramelized onion aioli, brie cheese, fresh jalapeños, onion ring, lettuce. Served with fries or kettle chips. Wait, no jalapeño popper? I kid.

This might be the least messy burger BSG has ever entered in this contest. That is by no means a criticism. Generally I have enjoyed their entries more than Sarah has, but I think we both agreed that this was really good. With cherry, maple, and caramelized onion there was a real risk it would be too sweet, but that trap was avoided. Goat cheese and brie did a lot to defray that. Two kinds of cheese could also have been a problem, but they are different enough in taste and in texture that it worked well.

While I am immeasurably happy to see fresh jalapeño over the menace that is pickled ones, our burger had 4 wafer-thin slivers on it. I appreciate that a lot of people cannot handle any level of spice, but this burger really needed a bit more kick. While the sweetness level was mostly kept in check, it would also have helped tame the heat for those who cannot handle it. For people like us, the slivers were more of a tease than anything. And yes it was less messy than usual, but it still suffered a little with the structural integrity.

This is a good fun burger that should appeal to a lot of people. It's not a game-changer, but I can still confidently recommend it. Go get it!

[call-me-hime]

I usually only care for the ”falling in love process” when it comes to fictional couples and lose interest when they are finally a thing, but. BUT. I am making an exception for Skip Beat. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that Ren and Kyoko have been falling in love with each other for ALMOST 300 CHAPTERS (!!!), but I can't wait to see them being all lovey dovey, silly cute, madly in love with each other. I am waiting for this to happen with extra excitement.

And when it happens, and only then, I will use that famous infamous titanic gif ”it's been 84 years”.

[haoreo]

✿ 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐧 | 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐭

♡ content: sunghoon x fem!reader, fluff, angst if you squint, ft. somi (soloist) <3

♡ disclaimer: this has like one swear word lol. it deals with a lil bit of insecurity, maybe like a sentence or two. i mean no harm to any of the members, this is purely a work of fiction.

♡ word count: 1.6k+

sunghoon was about to lose his mind at this point.

he was doing all the right steps, playing all the right cards, yet it seemed that all of it just flew right over your head. and today was a perfect example.

sunghoon woke up feeling confident that today would be the day where you would finally show that you liked him back. how could you not when he had the perfect plan and the perfect gift up his sleeve. now, sunghoon wasn’t a reader, he couldn’t even finish his assigned readings for his classes. so reading for pleasure was never part of his future plans. not until he found out what your favorite romance book was, of course.

he rushed to your local bookstore and bought a copy of your favorite book. his plan was to annotate it while reading, making sure to tab and highlight all the cute moments between the book’s main character and their love interest, trying his best to portray his feelings to you.

he thought that this would be the cherry on top, because nothing can be more romantic than a guy annotating your favorite book, right?

sunghoon was proved wrong when all you had said was thank you.

not a hug, not a kiss on the cheek, not an ‘oh my this was the sweetest thing anybody has done for me, let’s get married.’ you just offered a simple thank you, before turning around to head to your first class of the day.

you were officially driving park sunghoon crazy.

but you were doing it on purpose, of course.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

boys' minds are simple really, and this was proven by all of the boys that have shown interest in you in the past. they would say sweet words, offer you small trinkets, and then proceed to wait for you to take a hint. you, however, would always wait on those three words. i like you.

making them suffer wasn’t really part of the plan, you simply didn’t want to make a fool out of yourself in case you misinterpreted their intentions, no matter how obvious they may be. and besides, that was the bare minimum, right?

but you were presented with disappointment after disappointment when boys would give up simply because you couldn’t “take a hint.”

it was a mystery to the whole school on why you act like this, knowing that any girl would do anything to be in your position. you had even “rejected” the choi yeonjun last school year, which became the hot topic for the whole student body the rest of the year.

your best friend, somi, always understood where you were coming from, but she was getting a little bit concerned at this point. not to mention that she really liked sunghoon for you, thinking that he understood your needs the most. well, if only he would say those three words.

you were both at your usual booth at the café you would often visit for some after-school studying when suddenly somi asked,

“what if you never get married one day?”

you look up from your textbook to raise an eyebrow at her, “and why would you think that?”

she fixed her posture, suddenly looking serious “i know that you deserve only the best from your potential partner, but don’t you already like sunghoon back?”

you almost jumped out of your seat in an attempt to shush your best friend, “hey! i know you like proving your point but can you keep it down? this whole café is filled with our schoolmates!” you whisper-shouted before looking around to see if anybody overheard your conversation.

somi rolled her eyes, saying “but i am right! so why don’t you just help the poor boy and maybe confess first?”

you shrugged your shoulders, choosing to stare at your study material instead of your best friend in front of you. “i just want to make sure, you know? if they can’t even communicate their feelings to me now, how can i expect the same in the future?”

somi knew you were right, you almost always were, but she was really counting on sunghoon to do this properly, or else you really wouldn’t have a chance at getting married in the future.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“girls are so confusing,” sunghoon groaned as he plopped onto his bed, burying his face into a pillow. jake, his roommate, could only laugh at his friend’s predicament.

“maybe you’re not thinking hard enough, hoon,” to which sunghoon lifted his head up to stare at jake who was seated at his desk. “what do you mean i'm not thinking hard enough? i try to read the books she likes, listen to her favorite music, heck i've even memorized the members of her favorite band,” sunghoon complained.

jake paused before saying, “come to think of it, have you ever actually told her that you liked her?”

“well…” sunghoon frowned, “no?”

jake laughed which left sunghoon confused. “and you wonder why she hasn’t reciprocated?”

sunghoon opened his mouth, ready to defend himself, but he did give some thought on what jake had told him. indeed, he has never explicitly said those words to you, rather he tried to deliver his thoughts and feelings through the gifts that he would give you and the little acts of service he would offer to you.

sunghoon spoke up after a while, “but i thought that actions speak louder than words?”

jake stood up to sit on the edge of sunghoon’s bed,

“yes, actions may speak louder than words. but actions without words are confusing.”

jake stood to leave their dorm room, leaving sunghoon alone with his thoughts.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

you were on your way to the café on campus to get some studying done when you heard someone call after you. you turned around to see sunghoon jogging over to you with his hands in his pockets.

“hi, hoonie. what's up?” sunghoon felt his face warm at the nickname.

“i was wondering if i could join you today at the café? we could study together, if that’s alright with you of course,” sunghoon said, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “sure! i can text somi if she wants to come-,“

“i was thinking that it could just be the two of us?”

it was your turn for your face to warm at his words, thinking that maybe this finally was the time where he’d say the words you’ve been waiting for him to say.

but sunghoon took your short silence as hesitation, to which he quickly tried to save himself and made up an excuse, “um, because i need help with an upcoming exam and it’d be embarrassing for another person to watch me struggle.” sunghoon tried to laugh it off.

you smiled at him, trying to play it cool.

but you couldn’t ignore your heart, heavy with disappointment.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

these days, life have been full of silence as a result from the absence of sunghoon, who seems to be avoiding you ever since that night at the café. you both had tried your best to not make it awkward, but you both couldn’t ignore the tension between the two of you that night. and now you were alone at the exact same spot, thinking of where things went wrong.

you would have never admitted it, but you too, were rooting for sunghoon to be the first to say those three words. you tried to not let it get to you, of course, but you couldn’t help but think that maybe you would never be able to hear those words from someone. because no matter how much you hoped, you were let down, time after time.

shaking your head, you reminded yourself that you were here to study for finals week and not to dramatize your non-existent love life.

despite trying your hardest to focus on your study material, your mind kept on drifting to sunghoon, and all of the what ifs that came along with him. tired and frustrated, you decided to pack up your things and have an early night.

you were honestly afraid to be left alone with your thoughts on the walk back to your dorm room.

but nothing would have prepared you to be face-to-face with the man that took up space in every little crevice of your mind.

naturally, the only response you could come up with was to walk past him as subtle and as quick as possible. that until,

“what does it take to have a place in your heart?”

confused, you muttered “w-what?”

“what does it take for me to be called yours?” sunghoon started to raise his voice.

you walked closer to him to try to calm him down, “hoon, you’re confusing me i-“

“i like you, damn it!”

starstruck at his words, you could only stare at him.

“fuck,” he said in a shaky voice, ”i like you so much that i would gather all of the stars in the sky if that’s what it takes to have the honor of calling you mine,” he stepped closer to you and took a hold of your hands in his, “i like you, and believe me when i say i would wait for you for a lifetime, but please,” his voice full of desperation, “I just need to know if i even have a chance.”

this time, you didn’t pause to think.

you tightened your hold on his hands and leaned in to kiss him on the lips.

to sunghoon, the kiss lasted for both a second and for a lifetime.

but when you pulled away to look at him, your eyes did the answering for you.

and nothing else seemed to matter.

hope you liked this one bubs! i hope you're having or had a wonderful day :> my inbox is always open for any comments or suggestions and everything in between. stay safe everyone! <3

[l-r-christian]

Can i request a klaus mikaelson imagine where its the scene where klaus compels stefan to turn it off and stuff and when hes in the middle of compelling elena mentions they have the reader and threatens klaus that they will hurt her and the reader is klauses s/o and when klaus gets her back they have a sweet and fluffy reunion

Yes but like I'mma up the danger level because why not :)

Warnings: Fluff, Klaus about to slaughter everyone,

Being the wife of the most dangerous Original was a danger within it's self but Y/N wore the last name Mikaelson proudly. Y/N was a werewolf that was mated and married to Klaus Mikaelson. He met her over 90 years ago finding her, a little old Omega, the last of her pack that was slaughtered by a group of vampires.

'You need an Alpha and lucky for you I need a wolf.' Klaus told her planning to use her in the sacrifice but Klaus found hisself falling in love so he mate bonded to her and married her.

Y/N followed her husband naturally to Mystic Falls when they heard about the doppelganger and Katherine being there.

"Keep an eye on her or I'll kill you." Klaus tells a vampire he compelled as he was readying to leave the house to go find Elena. Klaus walked over to Y/N who sat on the couch he nuzzled her neck scenting her as she kissed his temple.

"Will you and our little pup be alright?" Klaus asked placing a hand on her small baby bump as two months ago they found out she was pregnant. Werewolf loophole, was what the witch called it then Klaus killed her after confirming it as Klaus said the less people who knew the better.

"I will. Please both you and Rebekah be safe."

"We will little wolf."

Well to say Klaus wasn't good at making people suffer was a lie as Elena stood scared to death watching Klaus moving to compel Stefan. Elena knew it would be risky but it was their only plan to save Stefan after all what was the worst that could happen.

"We have her!" Elena shouted as Klaus stopped and looked at the doppelganger as Stefan let out a breath. Klaus eyes darken as a low growl came from his chest.

"What did you do?"

"We took the werewolf you had and if you don't free Stefan....Damon will hurt her." Elena said trying to sound confident as it happened quickly Stefan was okay and Klaus was gone.

"Warn.....Damon.....Elena." Stefan panted put as Elena sent Damon a text. Klaus arrived home with Rebekah in the growling to find the house a mess and his pregnant wife gone.

"Rebekah remove Elijah's and Kol's daggers. We are going to war." Klaus told Rebekah as she looked at her brother seeing a dark look on his face she hadn't seen in a long time.

"Damon are you alright?" Elena asked walking into the Salvatore house seeing Damon hissing as he cleaned a bite wound on his arm. Stefan looked panicked as he moved to his brother's side worried.

"No. Damn bitch bit me. I thought she was just a wolf but her eyes glowed yellow, I think she is a hybrid. " Damon answered as Elena looked at Stefan worry fell on her face. Caroline was going to say something when there was a knock on the door.

"Elijah." Elena said shocked when she answered seeing the noble vampire standing there with a small smile on his lips.

"May I?"

"Yes come in." Elena said as she let in the Original who stood with his hands in his pockets seeing the bite mark on Damon's arm then listened for Y/N's heartbeat and the child she carried.

"I thought Klaus daggered you?"

"He did as he plans to slaughter you all but I convinced him to allow me to talk to all first." Elijah answered Damon walking as they watched him sit down.

"I want to see the woman carrying our youngest. Allow me that and I'll try to convince Niklaus to heal you." Elijah said as they all looked at one another and agreed. Caroline went upstairs to get Y/N as Elijah watched the others.

"Why are you helping Klaus."

"I'm not. I am trying to keep you alive. I do not know what that wolf is to my brother but you all woken a rage in him I haven't seen in centuries."

"Unless you want a bite too. You should let me go blondie." Elijah heard Y/N say as he looked up seeing Y/N then his eyes fell to her bump. When Klaus undaggered both him and Kol saying he was going to war to get back his pregnant wife, Elijah thought it was a lie so did Kol. Both they saw the rage in Klaus's eyes one they hadn't seen in centuries, one to promise to burn Mystic Falls to the ground if he didn't get Y/N back.

"Hello there." Elijah said as he was suddenly in front of Y/N and gently touched her bump hearing the heartbeat of the baby. Y/N relaxed catching Klaus's scent on Elijah as she knew who he was from the stories Klaus told her.

"Elijah?" Elena said softly snapping Elijah from his thoughts as the urge to get his sister-in-law out of Salvatore hands.

"I'll inform Niklaus that she is alright. And for your sake keep it that way." Elijah said walking out to tell Klaus as Y/N stood there wanting to be with her husband again.

It was a cold night as Y/N sat on a rocking chair rubbing her bump worried as Elijah had yet to return and Damon was getting worst. Y/N glared at Elena as she came down to the livingroom with a blanket in her hands giving it to the wolf.

"Hoping being nice to will earn favor?"

"No....you just look cold." Elena said sitting in a chair seeing how Y/N shielded her baby bump from Elena. There was another knock and Elena got the door as the others came down seeing it was Elijah and he brought someone with him.

"Elijah, you brought someone with you."

"My apologies for being late. Niklaus wouldn't allow me to return unless I brought another, meet my brother Kol." Elijah said stepping inside with Kol following. Elijah's eyes fell to Y/N seeing that she was alright as Kol walked over to the wolf.

"Damon is worst do you have the cure?" Stefan asked as Elijah pulled out a vile filled with Klaus's blood.

"We will give it to you if you hand over Y/N." Elijah said eyes flickered over to Kol seeing his little brother lighting up when he felt the baby bump and hearing the strong heart beat. 'A little warrior.' Elijah thought as his gaze turn back to the group. Elena was about to agree when Damon interrupted her.

"No.....get...out ...of town....then we'll talk." Damon panted out as Elijah stood tall then placing the vile in his suit jacket.

"Then no cure and Niklaus will lay waste to all you know." Elijah said as Kol stood up looking at Elijah having heard everything.

"Elijah please. Don't let Damon die!" Elena said as Elijah looked at her with dark eyes.

"I layed down our terms. Y/N will comes home with us and you get the cure if not then he dies." Elijah said as he waved Kol to follow. They were half way out the door when Elena spoke up.

"Okay! Take her just please let us save Damon."

"Elena...no." Damon groaned as Stefan helped him sit down as Elijah smirked knowing he won.

"Do you really want to risk waiting? I know you won't survive till morning, her bite is as if you bit by Niklaus." Elijah said staring waiting seeing Elena biting her lip, Stefan was debating as Caroline was wiping the sweat from Damon's forehead.

"Look we aren't leaving, Damon is on death's door. Nik is going to kill you all to get his wife back now if you thought he was bad before you hadn't seen Nik wage a war."

"Kol is right. Rebekah at this moment is trying to stop him from killing both Alaric and Matthew." Elijah said hit too close to home for them.

"Miss Bennett isn't safe also or Jeremy. Niklaus will kill them so it is best to give us the wolf as if Rebekah can not calm him....." Elijah said watching them closely while Y/N sat straight proud almost as Elijah saw a fire in her eyes that was pride for Klaus.

"Okay.....take her." Stefan said not caring that Damon was upset as Elijah reached into his jacket pocket for the vile and Kol got Y/N. Elijah waited until he heard that Kol got the pregnant wolf in the car then Elijah placed the vile on the table.

"Lovely doing business with you." Elijah said sounding a bit smug walking out as Elena quickly rush to get the vile to Damon. Y/N was shaking with excitement on seeing her mate again. Y/N barely reached the front door when Klaus tore it open pulling her into a breath taking kiss.

"Nik I am okay. I'm home." Y/N said softly as Klaus buried his face in her neck while she ran her fingers though his dirty blonde curls calming him. Everyone moved inside and Y/N found her self on couch with Klaus having his face buried in her neck.

"How we leave them alone." Elijah says softly ushering Rebekah and Kol out of the room. Y/N hummed softly calming Klaus down as for now his rage had died.

"I'm sorry for not protecting you, love."

"It is alright Nik, I knew what I was getting into by being your mate and wife." Y/N said softly kissing his head as he nuzzled closer not wanting to let go and shifted so she was on him instead.

"Let's stay like this for a moment."

"What ever you need my beloved wolf." Y/N said as Klaus cupped her bump sigh he sighed drowning his self in her scent to calm his self. Elijah checked up on them moments later to find them asleep on couch, with a soft smile Elijah covered them with a blanket. Sitting to watch over them joined by Rebekah and Kol shortly after enjoying the peace while listening to the strong heartbeat of Klaus's child.

[literallymitch]

𝐆𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 || 𝐃.𝐃

requested: no

summary: the first part of the reputation series in which the reader first meets Damiano

pairing: Damiano David x famous!reader

word count: 2k

what kind of content: fluff

warnings: drinking

passages written in cursive are flashbacks

some of the lyrics were changed so they would fit the story

Please don’t steal any of my conten and release it elsewhere. Also all of this is fiction. I don’t know these people in real life nor do I know how they act

a/n I I hope you all enjoy this one, as much as I do. I’m so excited about this series jdhidcuheu. What song do you guys think is next? As always please keep in mind english is not my first language. I’m super happy about feedback!!

With a buzzing head I woke up. I shouldn’t have drank so much yesterday. Feeling the after effects of the alcohol I consumed yesterday, I looked at the sleeping figure next to me. A gorgeous man with brown hair and tattoos that fitted him perfectly. I smiled to myself, knowing he was the reason I probably drank a little too much yesterday. There was no way I would have found the courage to actually talk to him otherwise. He looked like an angel sleeping so peacefully in my queen-sized bed. As I looked at his sleeping figure, an idea popped into my head. I grabbed my notebook and went to my balcony that was connected to my bedroom. Looking at him one last time through the huge window in front of me. I opened my notebook and started writing down some lyrics in memory of last night.

You should take it as a compliment That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk You should think about the consequence Of your magnetic field being a little too strong

“We wanted to start working on our next album soon too.” , the gorgeous man in front of me said with an Italian accent.

After a few drinks I was finally talking to him. I was too busy taking in his beauty that I didn’t really listen  to what he just said to me. All of a sudden, I started giggling.

“You know, your accent is so funny, I love it. Like the way you pronounce some words? Hilarious”.

“Thanks, I guess?”

I cringed a little thinking about this specific moment. If he knew the only reason I was making a fool out of myself in front of him was his magnificent appearance, he would take it as a compliment. He probably already knew that was the reason. How could he not know? It’s not like he has never looked in a mirror. Also, there is no way, I am the first person that had to suffer from his magnetic self. By now he should know what his whole existence is doing to people.

And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us He's in the club doing, I don't know what You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much (I hate you so much)

“Shouldn’t your boyfriend be here as well?” the beautiful Italian boy asked.

“My wha- Oh you mean Andre? He isn’t my boyfriend. The media just made that up after we went out once, and I was caught at two of his games. We haven't talked in months. He’s probably at some club right now, annoying some poor girl.”

At that moment I thought I’ve seen a small smile appear on his face. He then just turned to the bar tender, ordering another beer. God, how could he just keep his cool like this the whole night. Usually it was the other way around. People would stand drunk in front of me trying to make a move, while I just stood there unimpressed. He really made me feel like an insecure fourteen-year-old girl again, and I hated him for that

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine You've ruined my life, by not being mine

“The sunset is really beautiful today” Damiano stated sipping on his glass of Whisky. I nodded in agreement while I ate a grape from the vine that was placed on the bar counter.

The bar were at was on top of a small mountain somewhere outside Rome. From there we had a great view over the whole city of Rome and how the sun met the city's skyline. It really was beautiful, still it was nothing compared to him. I wish he would’ve been mine, so I could’ve rested my head on his shoulder right there and then, but he wasn’t.

You should take it as a compliment That I'm talking to everyone here but you (but you, but you)

“I’m glad we’re finally getting a chance to talk after you talked to, well, everyone else at this bar except me.”, the handsome man called me out while he sat down next to me.”

Feeling a bit caught, I just gave him an awkward smile. I tried to come up  with a reasonable excuse, that was less embarrassing than ‘Yeah sorry about that, I was just too scared to talk to you because you look like you’re straight out of my dreams.’

“I’m really sorry about that! It was just that every time I was done talking to someone, the next person already stood behind me wanting to talk.” I lied.

“It’s alright. I guess that's what happens when you’re a world-famous singer.”

And you should think about the consequence Of you touching my hand in the darkened room

It was now 11pm and the sky outside was completely dark. The lights in the bar were also dimmed a bit, creating a cozy atmosphere. Damiano and I were in the middle of our conversation, as he accidentally grabbed my hand, that was resting on the bar counter, instead of his drink. It felt like an electric shock. An electric shock that woke up the butterflies inside my body. My hand started to tingle, and I’m pretty I was full on blushing now.

If you've got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her But if you're single that's honestly worse 'Cause you're so gorgeous it actually hurts

“So do you have a girlfriend?”,  at this point I was so drunk I didn’t even care how this question came across anymore.

I was pretty sure he in fact had a girlfriend, I mean how could he not looking like this?

“No I don’t.” Thank god. “It’s kinda hard building up a real relationship with someone when you're always busy, but I guess you can tell me a thing or two about it too.”

Oh, yes, I could. Still I would drop everything I was doing right now,  just to be with him.

Chocolate brown eyes looking in mine I feel like I might sink and drown and die

Just as my confidence made a small comeback, I made the mistake to directly look into Damianos beautiful brown eyes. There really wasn’t a single thing about him that wasn’t extremely beautiful. I started to feel a bit dizzy as a wave of heat rushed through my body. What is this man doing to me?

Just thinking about it again made my heart beat three times faster.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

For like the million time this evening, he made a laugh. Great, so he wasn’t just incredibly handsome, but also extremely funny. I didn’t realize how happy I was in his presence until I remembered he wasn’t mine. Suddenly I felt kind of sad, thinking about how I maybe would never see him again after tonight. I just wanted to grab his hand and run away with him. Somewhere I could be alone with him. Somewhere he would be only mine.

Guess I'll just stumble on home to my cats Alone, unless you wanna come along

I looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall behind the bar tender. I was shocked when I realized it was already midnight. There was no way we’ve been talking for like three hours now. I scanned the room for my friends, I went here with in the first place.

“Looking for someone specific?” Damiano asked, now also looking in the direction I was looking in.

“Just my friends, but it seems like they already went home. I’ll check if they texted me” I picked up my phone, checking if I had a message from my friends.

‘Hi babe, we already went home, we were kinda tired. Have fun talking to handsome stranger. You better tell us everything tomorrow ;)’

“Did they text you?”

“Yes, my friend texted me that they already went home. Guess I’ll have to go home alone then. At least my cats are waiting for me.” I stood up and tried to make my way over to the wardrobe to get my coat. Unfortunately I forgot how drunk I actually and almost tripped as I tried to walk. Alcohol and heels really are not a good combo. Thankfully Damiano grabbed my arm helping me to stabilize myself.

“You’re sure, you’ll make it home alone?”

“Yes, I am a big girl. Unless you wanna come along.” I said with a cheeky grin on my face.

Damiano left out a soft chuckle. He paid for our drinks and then accompanied me on my way back home.

“It’s already pretty late, if you want to, you can stay over.” I told him after he brought me up to my bedroom.

“That would be nice, thanks.”

After I got myself ready for bed, I basically fell into my cozy bed, cuddling myself up in my soft sheet.

“You mind telling me where your guestroom is before falling asleep?” the Italian boy asked with an amused look on his face.

“Mmh, I don’t know. Just sleep here, it's fine.” I answered him, already half asleep.

After that, I probably fell asleep, since I don’t remember anything else that happened.

You're so gorgeous I can't say anything to your face (to your face) 'Cause look at your face

“Good morning.” I heard a raspy voice say.

I looked up from my notebook and came face to face with Damiano gorgeous figure. His hair was messy, and he still looked a bit sleepy. Since he just wore a pair of boxer shorts, I could finally see all the tattoos that covered his upper body. All of a sudden I felt the same way as I did last night when I saw him for the first time. The words were stuck in my throat and I felt the anxiety build up in my body. How does he manage to make me feel this way by just existing?

“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” I somehow managed to say.

“Yes I did thank you. What are you doing?” he asked me curiously as he sat down on the garden chair next to me.

“I’m just writing a song. The idea came to mind when I woke up.”

“Not gonna lie, it’s pretty impressive that you’re able to write a song now after you could barely walk yesterday.” a small laugh left his mouth. “Can I see it?”

“No, it’s kinda awful. I’m to hungover to write something good now. I just wanted to write the idea down.” I lied,  I actually really liked the stuff I wrote so far, but he would probably think I’m a freak when he found out I wrote a song about after knowing him for a day.

“Can you at least tell me what it is about?”

“So you can steal my brilliant idea? No, thanks.” we both started laughing. “I can offer you breakfast though”

“I’m fine with that too” he said flashing me his beautiful smile

And I'm so furious At you for making me feel this way But what can I say? You're gorgeous

We were now sitting on my roof garden eating breakfast. Damiano told me some things about his life and what interests he had. As he did, so I looked at him in awe. I really started crushing on him as he continued to talked about his last tour with a huge smile on his face. I hated it that I was practically on my knees for him already, but how could I not? He’s perfect.

“I could really get used to this, you know?” he said out of nowhere.

“Me too.” I responded, not really questioning what he meant.

I also didn’t care as long as it involved us spending time together. I would make him mine no matter what.

[kleoyeager78]

10 things I hate about you Ch.1

Warnings: drug use , mentions of addiction and bullying. ( I think that is all for this chapter)

Disclaimer: this book is not based on the movie! The only thing that I am using from the movie is the poem!!

Enjoy ;)

You've been bullied by Eren since elementary school. He would take your crayons and break or throw them away, and he would call you mean names, but that didn't stop you from trying to make friends with him. Of course, that wasn't going to happen because he would always treat you badly without any explanation. In middle school, things only got worse. He would trip you every day, cut your hair, stick gum in it, and call you mean names. On top of that, he was really popular, so when we had gym classes, he would get people to hurt you on purpose.You only had your best friend hitch on your side, and she wasn't in any of your classes, so you had to suffer until lunchtime, when you could see her and let it all out.She served as your sole source of happiness for a while; nothing could break your spirit while she was present.

You're in highschool now.

However, not much has changed. You still have to put up with Eren's bullying; it's less severe now, and he just calls you names. And on a good day, he might trip you or push you aside.

Although the bullying isn't as bad as it once was, you aren't as happy as you once were because Hitch has grown distant over the past few months for reasons you don't understand.

But you've been occupied with other things to distract yourself, so you haven't worried much about that.

You're a senior starting your senior year, and you're already having a bad day because your mom said something stupid about something you don't even know because you always doze off when she talks. But the moment you enter the school, Eren is waiting for you at your locker for reasons you are already aware of.

He trips you when approach your locker , and then he starts to howl in laughter, drawing the attention of many people and making your eyes water.

Even though you're accustomed to him doing this, you're still sensitive, so it doesn't help that those around you are snickering and looking at you.

But instead crying on the floor, you sigh, get up, and go to the restroom. leaving Eren and his friends to taunt you

As you entered the restroom you coincidentally found just who you needed.

Annie

Annie and you were not friends; in fact, you don't believe Annie had any friends at all, but she supplied you with weed and other drugs, so you were on neutral terms with her. Since Hitch began to distance herself from you, drugs were the only thing you had. You tried weed when you were friends with Hitch and liked it, but when she left, you started using it almost every day and then moved on to more stuff.

You don't like to be labeled an addict, but that's exactly what you were. Whenever someone saw you, you were always on something or in the process of doing something. Either way you weren't a clean or mentally stable person, and to be honest, you didn't care.

y/n's pov

As I ran to the restroom, tears streamed down my face. When I entered, I saw a blonde person standing there smoking. I couldn't tell who it was because my vision was blurred from tears, but as soon as I saw the hoodie they were wearing, I knew it was Annie. Because I didn't know anyone else who would confidently wear a 'I love weed' hoodie to school, but our school was full of potheads and I didn't know for sure, so I just hurried up and ran to a stall to cry.

Although Annie wasn't a cuddly person, she disliked seeing people cry because she cared about other people at her core and found it disgusting that someone could have that much control over another person to make them feel terrible.

So instead of saying the basic “everything going to be okay” speech she did the next best thing

“Lets share the rest of this blunt aye” Annie said trying to cheer you up because she knew exactly why you were crying. She always did, really.

To be honest, Annie was always there for you and if you weren’t so blind you would realize she was way better than hitch.

“ Sure but you have to come in here because I want to keep my hoodie off” Annie knew that you cut yourself so you werent affraid to show her your scars

“ Fine”

You opened the stall door and let Annie in

“So” annie said wanting you to explain exactly what eren did

“ so” you said not really wanting to tell her because last time you did she put him in the infirmary

Annie scoffed “Are you seriously protecting him after everything he's done to you”

“No, It's just last time -“

“ Last time he deserved everything I gave him”

You sighed “ Annie please”

“No y/n you don't deserve what he does to you”

“ Maybe not but Annie i'm not worth detention”

“ yeah you're worth getting expelled”

“ Annie im barely worth a dime so just leave it alone”

“ are you serious right now y/n, he's been treating you bad since elementary school”

Even though I didn't speak to Annie until high school, she knew about me much earlier because I'm Eren's most frequent victim and we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. So yeah she knew our history without me having to tell her anything

“ okay but I don't care so you shouldn't either”

“You don't care?” Annie questions sounding angrier than she should. “You don't care but you come to the bathroom to cry everyday. You don't care but you take drugs to numb yourself, you don't care but you -”

Annie starts ranting about everything you do because she knows how much you care, but you zone out because you're too high to care about what she's saying, but you know she's right because when is she ever wrong?

-

Even though Annie despises the fact that you use drugs, she continues to sell them to you because, by the time she realized you were addicted, it was already too late for you; you were at the point where you would do anything to obtain them, and since the majority of the drug dealers in this town are men, you don't have any money, and you also don't care much about your life or body, she didn't really want to find out how far you were willing to go and just kept selling them to you.

But Annie thought she could be there for you and make you care about your life and see the bright side of things. Of course, she wouldn't consider you a friend because she had never really seen anyone that way, she simply didn't want to see you die because of some jerk, and in Annie's eyes, you had a life ahead of you; she even thought you were really good at many things.

And she wasn't going to let Eren’s harsh words and actions ruin that for you.

Annie noticed the time was 7:23 and realized you still had to get to class, so she yanked you out of your day-dream because she knew you would be embarrassed to show up late and high.

“y/n lets go before shadis kills us”

A/n ~ Fun fact: I’ve never watched the movie I heard the poem and thought it would be a good fanfic

[leviiattacks]

CASHIER LEVI AND LIKE THE READER IS THE CUSTOMER AND IT’S LIKE THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON EACHTOHER

author note :: honestly not my best at all..... like at all..... this was actually pretty good but the entire draft got deleted and i just lost all my effort but i felt bad for starting it and not completing it for anon so you may take whatever i have managed to salvage. i hope u enjoy it :’( i am extremely sick rn and yeah writing is the only break i am currently getting from anything :-) SO AGAIN I’ M SORRY ANON..... i may write a 10k + word fic on this though so i can redeem myself bc this is just disappointing 😭

word count :: 3.3k

every single thursday you stop by ackermart. maybe it’s because the day is convenient for you or perhaps it’s because of a certain cashier that works the evenings...

HAHA it’s got nothing to do with a cashier why would it have anything to do with a cashier? :-)

today is like any other. you walk through the fresh produce aisle then proceed to make your way towards the bakery section picking up a loaf of bread

it’s stupid, you know it is but... you think you’ve worked up enough courage to speak to him today!!

and who is him you may ask?

levi at till number four. his tired eyes always happen to pierce into yours and his calloused thumbs brush past your skin when you hand him your rewards card

levi is what his bright red name tag says and although he doesn’t look like a levi you’d like to think your crush isn’t stealing someone’s identity so you believe that it’s his real name

anxiously fiddling with your basket you’re beginning to think this was a horrible idea

the girl ahead of you is flirting up a storm with him and although he’s not reciprocating it by any means you still feel deterred

levi bags the last of her groceries and looks up at her when she asks for a way to contact him. he doesn’t look mad... just bored?

“ma’am. this is an ackermart i don’t think it’s appropriate you ask me for my number. the customer service line is listed on our website.”

the woman raises a brow looking completely flabbergasted. okay, if everything before this wasn’t a warning THIS sure was

she stomps off when she realises levi isn’t kidding and you think you’d feel bad for her maybe if she was more respectful about it

“next customer.” levi calls over his shoulder and you shuffle forward pretending to be engrossed in your phone

“cash or card?” he asks plainly.

you hear the BEEP of your groceries being scanned and think on it for a while before replying with “cash”

you’re clearly pretty good at your pretend to be totally into your phone act because levi tries to get your attention but you don’t hear what he has to say till the third time he repeats himself

but even then you’re still unsure what it is he’s said????

looking down you see his hand is stuck out in front of you and now you’re even more confused

faltering for a second you look at his palm and then speak

“um, i guess your hand is nice? it’s pretty big compared to the rest of you actually.”

“i was asking for your cash?” he says and now you look at his palms in mortification

gasping you yANK your hand into your purse as you laugh awkwardly fishing around to find your money

“oh, OH i knew that. just kidding!! i mean- i meant that thing about your hand?? but i thought it was- i funny? yes the joke funny? i’m-”

he leans back into his spinning chair and sighs contently. “you’re not making much sense peaches.”

“pe- peaches??” you repeat. no way you’ve heard that correct

levi lazily points at the abundance of the aforementioned fruit in your grocery bags

“you must love em.”

“i, well yeah i do like peaches but i also like...” um??? what food would make you look sophisticated and professional?

OH YEAH

“FRENCH CUISINE :-)!!!!” you say rather proudly

“...cool. i guess.” levi hands you your grocery bag which is basically an invitation asking for you to get out

he doesn’t seem mad but he’s definitely going to look back at this encounter and laugh his ass off at how stupid you are

hanging your head down low in embarrassment you make your way out towards your car

there’s always next time!! maybe you can practice in the mirror yeah that does sound like it would help!!!

okay so.

it is officially next time.

actually you never got the opportunity to practice in front of the mirror because you chickened out of looking like an idiot even if it was in the privacy of your own home

but!!! you did try to practice some cool pick up lines because who doesn’t like a good pickup line or two??

the two mini milk cartons in your hand and the pack of doughnuts you have tucked under your arm aren’t too heavy so you aren’t too worried about having to wait in the line

for some reason the guy in front of you keeps turning around and glancing at you as if you don’t even exist

you are not casper the ghost

also casper is a little boy and you definitely aren’t a little boy

finally after a good five minutes the man ahead of you is having his stuff scanned but he’s STILL doing it. even levi notices and gives him an odd look which borders annoyance and anger.

“can i pay for your groceries? maybe walk you to your car?” the stranger asks suddenly

so that’s what this is, he’s simply taken an interest in you

my god this is new but it is uncomfortable and you’d rather say no

“oh, i actually walked here and no thanks i can pay for my own. enjoy the rest of your day!!” you hope your white lie is enough to fool the man but instead of agreeing as any other person would he looks majorly deceived

“i saw you in the parking lot.” ok this is getting a bit too uncomfortable for your liking

“c’mon i’m offering to buy your shit too?”

his voice is raising and you’re not sure what exactly you can do but thankfully for you the manager steps in and takes him away before any more threats can be made

the man had taken up so much of your attention you almost forgot levi was even there until you turned back around

“do you want a member of staff to accompany you to your car? it’s getting dark out.” levi’s comment helps ease your nerves and you try to laugh off what just happened

“i’m good :-)” you say shaking a little. you’re unsure if it’s the cold or the fact you still haven’t completely calmed down

“you sure peaches?”

“i haven’t bought any peaches this time.”

“you’re still peaches to me.” your cheeks flush at his confidence

wait, maybe this is your chance. you’re the last person in his line and they’re closing up for the day so...

“could you walk me to my car?”

and to your surprise even before you can take back what you’ve said levi agrees

it stays like that for a while.

every thursday levi walks you to your car by the end of his shift, all the while the two of you exchange a few words together

like last week you asked him what his favourite colour was (he said purple) you’ve learnt about his hobbies (he’s a decent cook), you’ve even found out about some of his own personal problems. he had mentioned suffering with insomnia in passing.

to be honest each and every time he walks you to your car he has to notice that you begin to park further and further away from the front entrance. but if he does notice he doesn’t say a word about it

“is that all you’re checking out?” you ask with a cheeky grin plastered across your face

looking down at your new dress your lopsided grin is far from fading away any time soon. you especially picked this one out after asking levi what his favourite colour was last week

god. this is so embarrassing but never actually have you had a crush this huge

levi who’s sat behind the counter shoots you a look which almost seems to be on the verge of uninterested. he isn’t entertaining this at all or this is just his typical bored face, you can’t really tell

BUT..... you still have a huge crush on him and you aren’t one to give up this easily

for the record you don’t harass him or anything, just the occasional hint is thrown around but he’s either really dense or doesn’t care

his expression does you no favours, you can’t tell what he’s thinking half the time

“you’re always buying energy drinks... might want to cut down on those they’re no good for you.”

warmth blooms in your chest. he’s just saying it to make small talk but the fact he even thinks to bring that up has your heart fluttering

“i- well- yeah i will!! just have a few overdue essays to get over with :-)” twiddling your thumbs together you think that makes your nerves too obvious so you begin to scratch at the back of your neck

if anything is a dead give away it’s your constant neck scratching, thankfully levi hasn’t picked up on it

“so you wore purple today?” his eyes linger on the thin straps of your dress and you feel the goosebumps rise up onto your skin immediately

“oh yeahhhh-”

“did i tell you yellow was my favourite colour last week?” he asks holding up a neon yellow pack of crisps and for the first time you see him smile

he looks so ?!|>\€|^ pretty ?!/)/&

wait?? yellow??

“didn’t you say purple?”

“no?” he crosses his arms playfully over his chest thinking for a bit

“maybe i did but no it’s really yellow.” he says as he hands you your bag

nodding your head you smile “yeahhhh sure it is.”

damn, now you’re going to have to find a yellow dress just to make him revert back to purple because who even likes yellow?? that’s a deal breaker right there??

update

it’s been two weeks!!

and a yellow dress has been found and secured B-)

it’s been a pretty rough day at work and you need to desperately collect a pack of green tea and get going

you don’t know when exactly being a secretary meant you had to babysit your boss’ children but that’s what the last week has entailed

being made to work overtime to this extent has had an effect on you and you’re ready to head home as soon as you swing by ackermart

not seeing levi for a week made you a little :-( because to be honest he’s the highlight of your thursday evening BUT!! you’ll be able to see him today at least

walking in through the entrance you’re met with connie smiling right at you, he holds the door open for you and smile back greeting him

“so you didn’t come last week...?”

it’s weird for him to ask that, after all you don’t really speak to anyone here apart from levi, you’re surprised you’re enough of a regular to be known by name

“oh i didn’t think anyone would notice? but yeah i had to work overtime you know what boss’ are like.” groaning you crouch down and look at the pot noodles on display

“i didn’t notice it. boss man did.”

“boss man?” you ask feeling out of loop

“levi.” connie answers as he hops into the backroom

????

isn’t he just a cashier??

“you still look confused.” connie remarks as he heads back out with a cardboard box full of pringle’s tubes

“levi’s the boss man, this is his store. he literally only ever mans the cash register on thursday evening because of you.”

at that you start laughing because it makes no sense at all to you

there’s no way connie is being serious

“good one.” you say as you stand up with a chicken flavored noodle in your hand

“i’m not kidding?”

turning around you give him a skeptical look

he sighs and shakes his head.

“listen. me and the part timers are tired of making bets on when he’ll give you his number and i bet that it would happen today so if you could confess to each other that would be perfect!!!”

“who said i like-”

“anyone with a brain can tell you both like each other.” he’s rolled his eyes so far into the back of his head you begin to take him a little more seriously now

“i... did i make it that obvious??” you’re directly facing him trying to get out as much information as you can

“yeah. very. at least levi wasn’t as bold.”

“i think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick he definitely doesn’t like me.”

connie gives you an “are you fucking with me?” look and you look away trying to distract yourself with the the canned goods lining the shelves

“he was worried sick when you didn’t come in for the entire week. he even asked me if he scared you away.”

“maybe i’m just his favourite customer?”

“favourite customer my ass he has a crush on YOU. confess.”

playing around with the ends of your sleeves connie sees he’s fighting a losing battle unless he gives you definitive solid proof

“please... i’ll get free barbecue if i win the bet and i’m kinda broke rn :-(” okay, you do want connie to eat well and be treated and maybe this is a good thing. if levi doesn’t like you then you can move on!!

“i’ll think about it.”

before connie can continue talking you make a beeline towards the tea aisle whilst throwing a “see you next time!” over your shoulder.

by the time you’ve gathered all of your groceries your basket is full to the brim. you’ve been lingering as much as you can out of fear but you think you’ve collected just enough courage to ask for his number

looking at the cash register levi is sat there and your shoulders slump. he’s probably going to say no and you’re going to look like a huge loser.

right as you’re about to take a step towards him levi finally spots you and gives you one look before standing up from his seat

“hi!” you wave at him

“...hey!” he smiles wide but he bites it back pretending it was never there in the first place

placing your basket in front of him he eyes what you’ve got

“hm... lots of peaches as per usual peaches.” the nickname that rolls of his tongue makes you tremble a little. will he call you that after you fuck everything up with this stupid confession?

his tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek when he gets to the heart shaped box of chocolates

“a gift for a friend? didn’t know you had those?” he teases as he scans the barcode

“gift for a crush!” you reply back enthusiastically as you dig through your wallet looking for your card

levi doesn’t respond for a few seconds and an awkward silence fills the air. you glance up to see him looking at you open mouthed in shock

“good luck.” he murmurs under his breath he’s not even returning your gaze at this point and is hurriedly scanning through your barcodes

“you okay?” you ask worrying about his mood

“yeah, yeah. great.” he’s quieter than usual.

the rest of your encounter is the same, levi silently bags your groceries and you can’t tell if this is a good or bad response.

just as he’s about to place the heart shaped box into your plastic bag you lunge forward holding his wrist to stop him

“no i don’t need those.”

he cocks his eyebrow upwards trying to analyse your expression and gain an understanding of your thoughts

“don’t tell me you’re chickening out. whoever it is will say yes.” he scoffs as he places the chocolates into the bag handing them over to you with a warm smile

there it is again. the fear returns and you swipe your tongue over your slightly dry lips.

no way.

is he telling you to confess to someone now? so he must not like you?

taking the bag away from him you scratch your neck out of habit and huff feeling frustrated

“he keeps giving me mixed signals.” you say hoping he catches your drift

“give him the chocolates and let him put two and two together. don’t even say anything.” his advice would be great if he weren’t the guy you were trying to confess to in real time

nodding you reach into the bag and bring the box back out before gently placing it in front of levi

“are you serious?” he asks and your face drops seeing the possible displeasure in his eyes

great, connie and the part timers just over analysed he doesn’t like you, obviously he doesn’t like you, why would he like you?

without looking back you hurry out, the embarrassment is eating you away now and the thought of ever returning to ackermart isn’t even feasible in your mind

at this point you may as well change your name, identity, dye your hair, have a few children and wear sunglasses the next time you come back so you look like a soccer mum and not the foolish y/n who thought they had a chance with their cute CASHIER???

god, you probably look like a creep

the sound of footsteps can be heard behind you and labored breaths follow before levi calls out for you

“please wait up.” he grumbles. slowing down your pace you let him catch up to you. he grabs at your wrist and sighs in relief

turning you see him savour the air

is this the part where he confesses he likes you too or—

“your receipt you forgot it.” he gasps as he opens your hand for you and places it into your palm

oh.

fingers clasping shut onto the paper you feel the humiliation seep into your pores

this.

is.

the.

worst.

moment.

of.

your.

life.

“open it.” he offer you a boyish smile and your nerves don’t let you find comfort in it

you grimace as you fold it open, you’re imagining he’s charged you an extra £100 for having unwanted feelings for him and if that’s the case you’ll die on the spot

but instead your eyes light up in joy. you’re pleasantly surprised

...

inside of the receipt is his phone number haphazardly sprawled across in black biro - you even double check by comparing it to the number for the customer service helpline

hello??

HELLO.?.!/)£ HIS NUMBER???

“if you just wanted to return the chocolate this is embarrassing.” he’s the one who’s now scratching at his neck and you find that he’s endearing this way

the streetlight from above illuminates him, the shadows cast over his face and his brows aren’t furrowed as they usually are

you open your mouth to reply but connie cuts you off unintentionally. he can be heard YELLING into his phone ecstatic that his plan has worked out

“I WIN!!! HA BBQ’S ON YOU JEAN!! MUST SUCK TO BE YOU.”

you and levi look at each other and laugh, reassuring the other of what has just happened.

well...

you guess this is the start of something new? maybe??

:-)

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Lily of the Valley (S.R. | Pt. 1)

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Summary: Unsub!Reid. Spencer was found guilty but mentally ill after the torture and murder of several men. He finds solace in his psychiatrist at the institution.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Angst (NSFW 18+) Content Warning: Unsub!Spencer, institutionalization, state hospital, forced sedation/tranquilizer use, Doctor/Patient, Major Character Death (not shown), Mentions of death/murder Word Count: 6.8k

MASTERLIST

What makes a monster? Some would say it requires evil. Others would argue psychopathy boils down to a matter of nature vs nurture. But as someone who dedicated their life to understanding them, I’ve never found a simple answer. I am confident, however, that monsters are not born that way. They are created through pain, torment, and greed. Whose suffering is another question entirely.

That is why when searching for a new life, I chose this state hospital. It wasn’t the scent of the dogwood trees or the safe suburbs that drew me in; it was a patient.

His name was Spencer Reid.

I had heard of him before I’d come, but only ever in generalities and newspaper articles. I wish I could say that it was normal scientific curiosity that drove me to him. I wish I could convince myself that it was boredom and the perfect combination of conditions that brought us together.

But that wasn’t what happened. The truth was that I threw myself into his life without much thought at all about what it would mean. I heard the story of the tortured agent turned mass murderer and I wanted to know him. There were few things in this world that would drive a man so clearly defined by his honor to abandon all faith in the system he helped defend. The brutalization and death of the ones he loved was reason enough.

I wasn’t supposed to sympathize with him, but I did. That wasn’t like me, either. I hadn’t even met him yet, but I saw something in mugshots and journal entries that wove a fantasy in my mind that was so clear that I started to mistake it for reality.

Of the two of us, I wondered which was really more out of our mind.

It was raining the first day I laid my eyes on him. He sat idly on a couch, only half covered by a blanket as he stared out the window. At least, that was what I thought he was staring at. But upon closer inspection, his eyes were trailing after each individual droplet that hit the glass. He followed them all the way to the bitter end, where they all pooled together and dripped out of sight.

“Hi, Dr. Reid,” I said with more trepidation than I’d hoped, “Do you mind if I sit here?”

He didn’t answer. That much was expected— he hadn’t spoken in over a year. The rumors say the last words he’d spoken were when he requested a guilty plea, but attorney-client confidentiality made it impossible to know for sure.

Still, I expected him to at least acknowledge my existence. Even just a slight shift of his eyes from the windowpane. I waited for a second, but when it didn’t come, I took the seat beside him anyway.

“I know you already know who I am, but it feels rude not to tell you,” I chuckled at the sound of my voice that spoke more to the pane in front of us than the man beside me. “My name is (Y/n). You don’t have to call me Doctor.”

As if he would call me anything at all. I inspected the statuesque man beside me to try and understand anything about him. The first and only indication I saw that he was still alive was the gentle, rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.

“I have a feeling you don’t need much of my help. So, if it’s alright with you, I’d like to just sit with you,” I explained, finally turning to look at him when I spoke again. “It’s a nice break to the day, no?”

Then it happened. Slowly, like breaking from his stone casing, Spencer turned to face me. That enough to make my heart race. His eyes almost made it stop completely.

What I knew to be toffee brown eyes seemed almost black in the overcast light, and they burned through me with an intensity so overwhelming that I was grateful to be seated. If I had been standing, my knees surely would have buckled under the weight of his gaze.

I looked away, if only for a second to catch my breath, but his eyes remained. I took it as a challenge, and although it was regrettable, I wasn’t ready to meet it yet. My eyes and my mind flickered back to the window.

“I wish there was a way to enjoy the rain outside without getting wet,” I said through a sigh. The energy between us shifted again, and the challenge waned to wariness. I knew that because I was looking at him again, drowning in the reflection of the window caught in those shark-like eyes.

“And don’t tell me to carry an umbrella, because I always get soaked even when I’m holding one,” I joked. That is, if you can still call it a joke when neither of us laughed.

I smiled, but he remained seemingly stoic. The only thing that gave him away was the briefest twitch of his hand that rested on top of the blanket. I only saw it from my peripheral, but I was absolutely certain that I had seen it.

I wondered what he might look like when he smiled. I wondered what his voice would sound like when it was mixed with laughter. I’d never heard his voice before, but I still questioned whether it would sound sweeter when made after the darkness he’d endured.

Would he sound like a monster? It seemed unlikely. He didn’t look like one.

I sighed again at the thought, but I think he could tell this time it was born out of frustration rather than humor. I looked away from him in order to maintain any semblance of sanity and professionalism.

“Although…” I started to mumble, “Maybe getting drenched is part of enjoying the rain.”

Spencer moved again, his eyes joining mine at the window. Just as he looked away, I looked at him. The first thing I noticed was that his eyes were no longer fixated on the droplets, instead, they stared further out to the clouds rolling over the horizon.

The second thing I noticed was that his hand had clenched around the fabric stretched over his lap.

I don’t know how long we sat there, silently tracking the layout of the sky. What I do know is that at one point I nodded off to the lullaby of rain and distant thunder. When I awoke Spencer wasn’t there. However, draped over my shoulders was the same blanket that he had held onto like a lifeline.

It wasn’t raining anymore.

—

The nurse’s station was busier than usual, and if you’ve ever met a nurse, you know that is saying a lot about the current status of the hospital. But for all its frantic commotion, their words were whispered.

As I approached, I recognized the pharmacist among them. The pieces were starting to come together as an eerie hush fell over the space at precisely the same moment my presence became known.

“Dr. (Y/l/n)?” she started hesitantly.

“Yes?” I returned, trying not to look as nervous as I felt under the scrutiny of far too many eyes. It only got harder when she lifted the chart in her hands.

I knew whose it was. I didn’t even have to ask.

“Is this order... correct?”

“Why do you ask?” I shot back in a rather defensive manner. I’d write it off as the cutthroat demeanor required of women in my field, but I think we all knew there was more to it.

“You want to stop his antipsychotics?” she asked with a blatant disbelief that made my stomach churn.

“That’s right,” I said.

“... Why?”

The room felt smaller, or perhaps the others just felt bigger. I stared back at them with all the confidence I could muster, trusting myself to be able to at least explain my rationale. Whether or not they believed it or agreed with my reasoning was another thing entirely, but that wouldn’t be my problem. I knew what I saw in Spencer Reid, and it was not psychosis.

“I don’t think they’re necessary. A major tranquilizer is an extreme treatment, and I don’t think it’s warranted.”

I could hear the ticking of the clocks on the wall and the gentle humming from the computers. And as they looked at me in that silence, I felt an even stronger kinship to Spencer.

Was this what it felt like for him? Was this how we all looked at him? Was this what he saw whenever he looked to the only people available to him?

“You... you know what he did, right?” she asked, her voice filled with something more similar to rage than fear, “He hunted, tortured, and killed four men. Two with his bare hands.”

I held tighter to my clipboard to hide the way my hands trembled with a very similar emotion to the one she displayed.

“I’m not afraid of him,” I replied confidently.

“Yeah?” she mocked, “Well, you should be.”

Holding my head as high as I could, I ended the conversation the quickest way I knew how, “The order is correct. Stop the antipsychotics.”

As I turned to walk away, I heard the chatter in the background to my pounding heart. The clicking of heels broke through that noise. It reminded me of the rain.

—

It was sunny the next time I saw Spencer. I’d come to his room this time, since the nurses insisted that they were too afraid to put him in a position with the other patients without his antipsychotics.

Their fears seemed so silly when I saw him, though. There was absolutely nothing intimidating about the tall, lanky man dressed in the typical scrub-like uniform and rubber-soled socks.

I was so unafraid that I almost immediately pulled out my keyring, marched over to the window, and opened it the three inches the safety design would allow.

His eyes followed me the whole time, although he stayed seated at his desk. I didn’t look to see what he’d been doing. It felt rude to ignore that he might have been busy, but it also felt intrusive to peer into the only private thoughts he was allowed to keep.

So, I stayed at the window, taking in a small yet dramatic breath before I sighed.

“Even through my allergies I can tell that it smells like Spring.”

The only certain indication he’d stopped writing was the sound of the felt tip pen being placed on the desk. Of course, I also felt when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I could feel him looking at me, but I was too scared to look back. Instead, I just continued to watch the shaking leaves of distant trees.

“You know, a man asked me my favorite flower the other day,” I mumbled, knocking the tip of my shoe against the floor like it would maintain an appropriate rhythm to the story. “I think he was planning on buying me some, but cut flowers aren’t really my scene. I also have a terrible habit of killing houseplants, so…”

There was something in the breeze, the fresh air flowing into the room and shifting the tension into something new. I leaned forward towards the window and rested my elbow against it as I sighed, “Maybe I’m just not meant for flowers, Dr. Reid.”

I only jumped a little when his chair scraped against the floor, but I tried to maintain my position. Fear wasn’t the emotion that dominated my thoughts when I noticed his footfalls were coming closer.

I was... excited. That was the only way to describe the way my solemn smile turned bright when he simply stood beside me at the window.

“I’m not sure I could pick one favorite, anyway,” I posited, “Those kinds of questions are usually meant to figure out something about the person you’re asking, but I feel like I don’t know enough about myself.”

Call it wishful thinking or pure madness, but when I turned to Spencer, I noticed a new life in his eyes. But there was a scientific explanation for that, wasn’t there? I’d taken him off a major tranquilizer; of course he had more energy. But that wasn’t the only thing that I saw. There was some kind of intrigue, a fascination that was less morbid and more childlike in nature.

“I’m a terrible psychiatrist, aren’t I?” I asked with a quirk of my lips.

I swore he almost smiled. The twitch in his lip was so subtle that any other person might have written it off. But I was, first and foremost, a hopeless romantic.

“I wonder what someone else might tell me. How other people see me.”

It was bait. He knew it, too. His silence was accepted as an answer only because I saw the wheels turning in his head.

And then I realized that he’d come up with an answer. He had it hanging from the tip of his tongue, which he bit down on. I figured it simply wasn’t a powerful enough answer to justify breaking the silence. I could understand that. I wouldn’t waste my words, either.

Which is why I stood up as I asked, “Would asphodel be too grim for you, Dr. Reid?”

Just as I stood, he lowered himself into the position I’d abandoned. He gazed out the window so carefully that I had no choice but to believe he was trying to see the world through my eyes.

Yet in that moment, the only thing I saw was him.

“I mean, I know it’s supposed to mean ‘remembered beyond the tomb,’ and is found in the fields of Elysium but does that have to be all it is?”

Is that all that you are? A madman? A monster?

“After all, Persephone found it beautiful enough to wear on her crown, and the roots sustained the shades.”

I didn’t see evil when he looked at me. I saw tears burning glazed over eyes. I saw wrinkles around his laugh lines and wondered how happy he must have been at one point to develop them. I heard the tension leave him in the form of a shaky breath that sounded just like the trees rustling under the stress of the spring breeze.

“It is a lily first, no?” I asked.

Spencer’s mouth opened. It was the first ever blatant display of a desire to share something with me. I quite literally couldn’t breathe. We locked eyes both filled with disbelief. He almost looked disgusted at his inability to control treacherous lips, but they stubbornly remained parted with breaths that gained speed with the wind outside.

I took a step back from him just as his mouth closed.

“Yeah, I suppose it is too bleak. Don’t listen to me,” I said with a small, nervous wave of my hand, “I’ll find another flower for you.”

I couldn’t explain why, but I felt the distinct urge to run. My legs trembled so badly I was convinced they wouldn’t be able to hold my weight any longer. So, I swiftly turned on my heels and bolted.

I almost made it, too. Freedom from the room and the hope for something greater was right in front of me. My hand was already on the turned handle when I heard it.

“Lily of the valley.”

I turned to the sound. It was a strained, scratchy sound of ill-used cords. It still sounded like music. The gentle thrum of an old record-player that was being played for the first time after years of gathering dust. Slowly and cautiously, my eyes met his as they burned through the specks and sparkles of the dust scattered around the room. It caught the light pouring through the window between us. Not a single one of his muscles so much as twitched as we stared at each other with an uncanny understanding.  

Spencer had never touched me, but I still felt his presence surround me like the sweetest embrace as he repeated softly but surely, “You’re a lily of the valley.”  

—

It was strange stepping into Spencer’s room again. Perhaps it was silly to think that so much had changed from a few words, but it really did feel that way. Like there was an entirely new man seated in the same chair, scrawling secrets with a felt tip pen.

“Good morning, Dr. Reid,” I announced with more confidence than usual, “I was hoping you might like to do something fun with me today.”

Spencer turned to look at me, cautiously but at a normal speed. Almost like he’d been waiting for me. Which, I suppose that was normal, considering it was my job to check in on him. But there was something in his eyes, beyond the somewhat apathetic stare, that told me he hadn’t just expected my visit, but anticipated it.

It was a paralyzing feeling. My hands clutched tighter to the cardboard box in my hands until the silence stretched on too long to be comfortable. I suppose it was stupid to think he would always answer now just because he’d said a few words once.

The puzzle pieces clattered behind the cardboard as I held it up to display the front of the box to him with a frazzled laugh, “I’m terrible at them, but I figured you could help me. And if we finish it, we can glue it and frame it.”

I looked down at the picture just to avoid looking at him any longer. It turned out to be a mistake, because no sooner had my eyes left him had he stood from the chair and taken a step towards me.

“Don’t worry, we don’t have to hang it in here,” I continued, refusing to grant my desire to keep the distance between us that grew smaller with every second.

When Spencer did reach me, he still stretched out the silence. I listened to the way the floors creaked under his feet and his breath came out in a burst akin to a laugh. There was no doubting his presence was real and remarkable, but I still jumped when his knuckles brushed over my fingers gripping the box.

“I like Monet,” he said simply.

“Me too,” I mumbled back.  

Then, the way it always seemed to happen with him, time simultaneously sped up and slowed to a stop. As the two of us sat hunched over and silent, we scanned the one thousand pieces to hopefully find the one we were looking for. I tried not to linger on the way it felt like an analogy for us finding each other.

Instead, I just watched him work at three times my speed until I couldn’t contain the one thought running through my mind any longer.

“I wonder how different the world must look through your eyes.”

Spencer looked up at me, but he didn’t answer. He just let the very same eyes I’d spoken about roam over me like I was nothing but familiar territory before they fell away again.

I wasn’t satisfied with just a glance. Like an addict stuck on him, I chased after the high I experienced from the sound of his voice.

“Is it lonely?”

He knew what I was doing. With a sharp glance that felt a lot like a warning, Spencer also stubbornly refused to partake in my one-sided conversation. Naturally, I felt the need to defend my terrible and transparent attempts of getting closer to him.

“I only ask because if you were to say yes, then we’d have something in common. Beyond lilies, anyway.”

Spencer smiled in response, stopping the scanning of puzzle pieces to look up at me, instead. He didn’t stop when I started to show discomfort, either. In fact, he almost looked harder, standing just enough to drag his chair closer to me before he relented.

I hated the way it felt when he stopped looking.

“I could pretend like it’s my job’s fault that I’m lonely, but you’d know I was lying, right?” I blurted out, hoping to get stuck in those molasses eyes again.

But he didn’t even bother looking up to me as he finally answered, “You’ve never lied to me.”

“No, I haven’t,” I agreed. Then I waited. I waited for his hand to brush over mine in its pursuit of filling a void of pieces that had been cut and torn from their rightful place. I didn’t hold him or stop him in any way. I enjoyed that brief moment of contact with tensed muscles and shaky breath.

Spencer must have been impressed by my self-control, because when he looked to me, I could see a vague admiration and a pity in his eyes.

“Why would I lie to you?” I whispered.

He didn’t answer. He didn’t do much of anything. I had a feeling it was because he didn’t want to give anything away, but I couldn’t be sure. Who knows; maybe there was more to him than anyone had ever guessed. I also got a feeling that was true. They could tell me he was evil and cruel until their breath ran out, but I would never be able to see it like they said it was.

That was why I couldn’t look at him. I focused my mind on anything else that I could think of, trying to drown out the sound of his voice once more. So when a song came to mind, I let it take over all other thoughts that might have come.

I didn’t even realize that I’d started to hum until I saw him from the corner of my eye. He halted all movement at first before dragging his hands down to the edge of the table. From there, he tapped along with the familiar, solemn melody of Swan Lake.

I almost stopped as my lungs emptied at the sound of soft noises against the wood, but I managed to keep it up long enough to carry us to the conclusion. But as that final tone filled and fell from the air, Spencer’s voice began again.

“The first performances of Swan Lake were such a disaster that it almost ruined Tchaikovsky’s reputation. It didn’t become famous until after his death.”

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling any longer, no matter how hard I tried. And I did. I wanted him to think that it wasn’t a tremendous and life-changing thing to hear his voice, but I had also just told him what a fruitless effort it would be to lie to him.

“I wonder how he would feel knowing that Barbie made a movie of it,” I suggested with a bit of a giggle at the way he scoffed. Then, to add insult to injury, I tagged on, “I like to think he would love it.”  

“Doubtful,” he deadpanned almost immediately. He kept his straight face, but I could see the other emotions starting to spill into his expression in the most subtle ways. A twitch of his lip and a light shining through the almost obsidian eyes were all I needed.

“I’m going to have them convert the movies to VHS, just so we can watch it together,” I replied with my own cheeky but false seriousness.

“I think I’d prefer jail to that punishment.”  

It wasn’t until I pouted in response that Spencer actually, honest to god, smiled. He saw the puckered lips and knitted brow, and he felt the similar overwhelming need to share the joy it brought him. Unfortunately for me, that smile robbed me of any logical thought seconds later, leaving me once more victim to his desires. Whatever those might be.

“Fine. No Barbie movies,” I sighed, “But we could watch Swan Lake, though. If you want.”

With a small nod, Spencer’s eyes and smile dropped back down to their neutral position. His focus might have seemed to be purely on the puzzle, but there was no doubting the sudden and stark decrease in speed and accuracy that followed.

I certainly said nothing of it. But Spencer did in his own, unique way, because the next time that our hands were parallel, he paused, letting the shadow cast over me but refusing to look me in the eye.

“Are you afraid of me?” he asked, low and cold and not all vulnerable.

But regardless of the walls he’d maintained, my answer remained the same.

“No, Dr. Reid. I’m not afraid of you.”

That wasn’t the full truth, but it was the only part I felt comfortable sharing. Because I feared that if I told him everything, if I announced to the world the way my heart leapt at the very sight of him, I knew there would be no going back.

But then why didn’t I stop him when his hand slowly lowered and covered mine? Why did I spread my fingers to allow his to twine between them? I suspect it was for the same reason that the door to my heart remained cracked open to him, displaying a fireplace perpetually burning with the promise to protect him from the cold.

Whatever the reason was, it did not change over the course of the visit. If anything, our bodies only grew closer and our hands more comfortable sharing the space with one another.

When we did finally have to let go, we did it silently and slowly. We abandoned that comfort like a bitter goodbye, trying to prolong the contact with outstretched fingers and gazes that were too intimate to be excused.

“Have a good night, Dr. Reid.”

“You too, (y/n),” he said, and I prayed it wouldn’t be the last time I heard him say my name.  

—

There were some aspects of my job that were remarkably humbling. Usually they were terrifying, or at least very uncomfortable. But the day I came to hang a framed puzzle in Spencer’s room was an entirely different level of humiliating.

It wasn’t so much the action of climbing onto his bed in my bare feet as it was how much I struggled to do it. And of course, Spencer wasn’t exactly allowed to help me, considering the tools I had to use to hang the piece.

Truthfully, I’m not sure he would have helped me if I had given him the option. Because as I teetered back and forth with the frame much bigger than me, I swore I heard Spencer chuckle behind me.

“How does it look? Is it straight?” I asked when I finally managed to get the damned hook on the ever elusive command hook poorly affixed to the wall.  

“It looks wonderful,” he said. But even before I turned around, I could hear the grin on his face.

“You aren’t talking about the picture, are you, Dr. Reid?” I asked with my own little smile that I tried, and failed, to keep to myself. “Because it’s horribly crooked.”

“Crooked things aren’t that bad.”

He definitely was not talking about the puzzle.

I felt his presence before the floorboards creaked under his feet. Although I should’ve turned to him, I didn’t. I stared ahead at the frame that hung an inch too low on one side.

I should’ve turned around. It was irresponsible and dangerous for me to put myself in the position I was, only barely balancing on his bed while he stood mere inches away from me. But I didn’t want to. I wasn’t afraid of him. I wasn’t afraid of anything, really. It was almost like there was something in the air; something docile and warm and... gentle.

Gentle were his knuckles as they brushed up my almost bare leg. His palms went flat against my thigh, but he didn’t grab me yet. He just hovered there, allowing his body heat to seep through the fabric of my skirt and leave the skin beneath burnt with a memory of his touch.

I hadn’t taken a breath in so long, but I still couldn’t be certain if that was the reason that I was lightheaded. That drunken feeling was growing more and more common with every encounter.

It certainly wasn’t helped by the feeling of being literally lifted from the bed and back into his arms. My little yelp clearly amused him, but it didn’t encourage him to put me down. No, he kept me a few inches from the ground for a few seconds longer, undoubtedly enjoying the way I squirmed in his hands.

Once he did release me, I had a lot more to fix than my wrinkled coat. I cleared my throat to try and right the... crooked thoughts on my head.

It didn’t work. He could tell.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, nonetheless.

“You’re welcome.”

“This might be the most talkative you’ve been yet,” I pointed out. Although he didn’t exactly smile, he did seem pleased with the observation. Almost like he hadn’t realized it himself.

“I guess you’re not as bad of a psychiatrist as you think you are,” he playfully, almost sarcastically, suggested.  

It wasn’t a laughing matter, though. He was trying to deflect from genuine and earned praise, and I wasn’t going to let him. “I’m not the one who should get the credit for your growth. It’s yours, Dr. Reid.”

But Spencer was smart. He knew that I was helpless to his touch. From the second his fingertips brushed over my cheek, I was his. All he’d done was tuck a strand behind my ear, and I couldn’t breathe under the weight of his stare.

Then he was gone; like he had never been there at all. Like he didn’t feel the way the air sparked with the tension between us, threatening to leave me a pile of ash in his hands.

He’d forced himself to move on from the moment, so I tried to do the same.

“Oh! I almost forgot to tell you. I put in a request for Swan Lake,” I called cheerily. When I was met with a distrustful stare, I clarified, “Not the Barbie version.”

It was enough for him to smirk. I’d wished it was a smile, but I tried not to be too picky in my demands.

“It’s been a while since I heard Tchaikovsky. I guess the institution agrees with the original critics that said it was too fast paced to be beautiful,” he replied.

Unbeknownst to him, the tidbit he’d chosen to share sparked a dangerous but fantastic plan. The kind of thing that should have never entered my mind at all. But once it was there, there was no getting rid of it.

“I have an idea!” I said too loudly for the little distance between us.

He didn’t mind. His eyebrows jumped in intrigue as his eyes tracked me through the room. He stepped closer when I pulled out my phone, tapping frantically on the screen to find what I was looking for.

By the time the music swelled for the second time, Spencer had caught on to my plan. The Waltz of the Flowers had filled the room so quickly, and this time I didn’t shy away from the realization that it was an analogy for us.

“Dance with me,” I offered, extending my hand for him.

Spencer rarely smiled. Granted he’d been doing it more as of late, but its rarity was not the only reason the sight robbed the breath from my lungs. It was the slight dimpling of his cheeks, the way those large, expressive eyes were hidden like there was no more room in him for the darkness they usually held. And when he took my hand, I felt a similar warmth bubbling through me in the form of a laugh.

With more force than necessary, Spencer tugged me forward until I crashed into him with absolutely no grace. He still caught me, though, quickly transitioning his hold so that his other hand was pressed against the small of my back.

We didn’t speak. Our bodies that had begun to sway to the sound did the talking for us. As the melody swelled, so did our laughter that continued each time we bumped into furniture in the much too small room that felt less like a prison with every note.

“I think he would have liked Fantasia,” I hummed.  

“I think that one is a closer call.”

The tempo waned, the song reaching its midpoint while the two of us drifted closer together. There was practically no space that remained, our stomachs pressed together, and our eyes firmly held with a similar intimacy.  

“Do you like the Nutcracker?” I asked, recalling the colorful sets and delicate movements that typically accompanied the song. I didn’t dare say it, but despite the beauty of ballet, I think I preferred ours.

“I love everything associated with Christmas,” he answered quietly.  

My hand on his shoulder gravitated to his neck before I could even think to stop it. My fingers wove between the curls that lined his face. For the first time since we’d started dancing, I looked away from those amber eyes, watching the way his pulse shifted the longer I brushed against his skin.

“I didn’t know that about you,” I returned with a shaky timbre of an unknown origin.

“I prefer Halloween.” The words were accompanied by his own movement, his face feeling free to move now that I wasn’t watching him. He pulled me closer, his hand on my back raising between my shoulder blades. His lips brushed over my ear as he whispered, “It’s the one day a year everyone stops pretending like they aren’t interested in monsters.”

“I never pretend. I made it my life’s work,” I said with a chuckle. If I’d had a clear head, I would’ve considered the implications. But there was nothing sensical about my thoughts with Spencer. Every single thing I’d ever learned left me swiftly and without reservation the moment he so much as looked at me.

Thankfully for me, he hardly seemed offended. Amused was a better word for it.

“Do you think that’s what I am?” he mumbled, his mouth straying from my ear to rest against my jaw, “A monster?”

“No.”

I couldn’t be sure if it was doubt or desire that made him retreat, but Spencer pulled back from our embrace. My face, though flushed, felt so much colder without him. But then he was looking at me again, scrutinizing every thought and feeling displayed in my eyes. Just like the first time he’d spoken to me, I felt his presence in the deepest recesses of my mind. I practically fell limp in his arms, but somehow maintained the wherewithal to repeat once more with feeling, “Not you.”

In that quiet moment where the music started to fade, he looked like he wanted to say something. His lip trembled, presumably from the weight of the words trapped behind it. I brought my hand to his cheek, resting my thumb over those same lips and wishing they would move. It was terribly selfish and naive, but I felt so strongly that if he could just say whatever it was, things would make sense again.

But then the song was over and a new one began, the jovial tune replaced by the sullen melody of October.

“They’re listening to us,” I said with a shy smile, my eyes falling down to our fingers intertwined. We were barely moving, but his thumb drifted back and forth against the back of my hand. It was almost hypnotic, and my eyes were barely open when I heard him speak again.

“Let them,” he said.  

We had no other choice, I reminded myself. While I was free to feel and leave, he would be locked behind me in a cell that I held only one of many keys to.

“You were born in October, weren’t you, Dr. Reid?” I asked, trying to find my way out of the terribly painful place I’d found myself while still in his arms.

“Yes.”

He said nothing else. He knew why I’d asked, but that didn’t stop me from saying it out loud anyway. From making it real. Resting my head against his chest, I listened to the gentle thrum of his heart. “It sounds so sad,” I stated without knowing whether I was referring to the rhythm of him or the song, “Is this how you feel?”

“That’s too simple a question for a psychiatrist as skilled as you.”

It was a safe answer, but it wasn’t a real one. He’d avoided the question, and in doing so, answered it in the positive.

This was how he felt. Trapped in a cage that I could free him of, Spencer didn’t ever try to fight me. He’d taken my hand and led us in a waltz in a cold, sterile prison cell. We moved as far as we could with the music, but we couldn’t be free.

I could go. I could leave him behind and find something else. But I didn’t want to.

“I’m not asking as a psychiatrist,” I said without anticipating the next answer I would have to give.

“Then why are you asking?”

“I just... wanted to.” It wasn’t a lie, but he didn’t accept it, regardless.

“Why?” he pressed. I knew there was no other escape besides the truth, so I gave it to him.

“I’m asking as a friend.”

Feeling Spencer’s laugh rumble against my chest was a new and exciting experience. Another reminder that not only was he actually here with me, but we were also close enough that there was simply no existing without impacting the other.

“We’re friends now?” he said, ending the question with a happy little hum, “You must be lonely.”

“Less so when I’m with you,” I corrected. He must not have expected something so clever to be returned so quickly, because his laughter ended just as abruptly. And in that new quiet, I heard something else among the orchestra. I felt it, too. It was the subtle, gentle thumping of Spencer’s heart returning to the forefront.

“Do you feel it, too, Spencer?” I asked without clarification.

He didn’t need it, anyway. We didn’t need any more words at all, it seemed. Because once the question faded from the room, Spencer let go of my hand. It didn’t stay away for long, though, making its way to my chin and leading me back to him.

Although the distance between us closed fast, his lips were inexplicably gentle when they pressed against mine. It was a tentative and timid kiss; one full of insecurity and anxiety that I’d never seen from him in any other capacity.

He was showing me what he felt the only way he knew how.

He was lonely. Just like me.

And I realized then that there was nothing fair about any of this. There was no explanation for why a just world would abandon him in such a cold place. Those hands that clung to me as if I might float away were never meant to be lonely. He was never meant to be alone.

Spencer Reid was meant to be in someone’s arms. Preferably mine. I wanted to hold him until all of the pain faded so I could replace it with nothing but love. I tried to tell him when the kiss finally ended. I looked into treacle eyes and tried to sing his praise, but I was drowning in the bittersweet taste of his lips.

“You’re poisonous,” he whispered in unison with my thoughts, “You make me want to do unbelievably stupid things.”

I was almost too scared to ask, but the possibility of never knowing the answer felt equally paralyzing. So I did.

“Like what?”

But even with all of my training and the heaviness in my heart, I wasn’t prepared for his answer.

“Like fall in love with you,” he said with an honesty that couldn’t be questioned. With a hardness that did not allow for any bend. He told me that he wanted to fall in love with me with no question or hesitation. Yet his hands fell away before I ever had the idea to run. And when my body sensed the freedom, it took it without a second thought.

I ran, abandoning my phone, my sanity, and my heart in the middle of his room.

I ran from him hoping that it would stop the desire that burned in every place he touched me. I cursed the world for being too quiet to drown out his voice. I hated the way the backs of my eyelids somehow still matched the color of his eyes.

I ran from Spencer Reid, but it didn’t work. Because from the second his lips touched mine, I knew he would always be a part of me.

| Part Two |

[ekaterinatepes]

Nothing but the Best

Author’s Notes: wow guys! Thank you so much for your support and for following this story! I never thought I would get so much acceptance so quickly! You are all incredible! ❤️

VIII.

“…he’s not in Japan, he’s gone to the Americas” Suguru arched his brow to Ijichi’s words about Satoru’s whereabouts “how come?” He asked “mission in New York, special grade curse in a school” Geto stopped on his tracks “New York?” He took off running to go get his phone without another word.

-

From: Suguru

To: Kitten

He’s in NYC! Get out of there!

-

You both agreed not to communicate through phone since Satoru for sure had his device monitored but this was an emergency.

It was 1pm in Japan which meant it would be around midnight back in New York.

“Fuck…” he didn’t have any time to lose, knowing Satoru, he had already found you. He had been there for about two days, plenty of time to locate Y/N.

Shit! He didn’t want Y/N to have to face Satoru alone. Well… so much for postponing his trip to New York.

“Shit!” Whispered getting in his car. He wasn’t about to let you handle Satoru on your own. Not that you couldn’t, oh no! Suguru was confident that if needed be you could hold your own just fine. But, you are his friend, someone who he loves. On the other hand, Suguru couldn’t just ignore what his own heart demanded. He didn’t want you to be alone anymore.

The past 6 months he had to stay behind just to keep Satoru from finding you but it was too late for that.

-

https://youtu.be/44mTGIotkWQ

|||

Each minute that passes feels like a lifetime… the clock falls off the wall…

|||

Defeated… that’s how Satoru felt now that he was finally able to face you. In his mind he pictured this encounter way different from this painful waltz of heartbreak.

He had been stupid to think you would jump in his arms, kiss him like there was no tomorrow and forgive him. He had been more like… delusional, thinking you would receive him with open arms (and legs) just because he showed up here.

Satoru thought you would see how hard he worked to find you, how much he suffered in your absence. He thought that would be enough to at least get a smidge of compassion from you.

Nothing was further from the truth…

You had always been a tough girl, stubborn, opinionated and bold. And fuck! He loved how you always made his blood boil with your passion! He could never get enough of you which is why he was so smitten.

But there was something different in you this time around… you had never been so… cold.

There was always a warmth that surrounded you at all times even when you were angry (specially then) a metaphorical and also a physical halo (not visible for non sorcerers) of luminescence that clung to your body enticing him and any cursed energy user to come closer. But now… standing here, before you. Watching you through his six eyes he saw that same halo much more opaque and cold. It was as if you had surrounded your heart with ice walls. A shiver ran down his spine.

What had he done to you!?

|||

Hold your breath… And pray for the world to end

Nothing's left… Some broken hearts will never mend.

|||

“Please… listen to me for 5 minutes and then I’ll leave you alone” (more like I’ll stalk you in silence and make you believe I left but I’m not gonna). Holding his hands in front of him as if trying to appease you, showing you he wasn’t hiding anything.

“You and I have nothing to talk about Gojo” your melodic voice was steady. Ouch… It hurt how you didn’t call him by his first name or any of the other cute and overly sweet nicknames you used for him; he haven’t heard you call him by his family name in about six years! No longer after you met you both were on a first name basis. He understood, it was a way of driving a wedge between the two of you, to distance yourself from him.

“There is nothing left for you and me to discuss… it’s over! Leave me alone” you stopped to take a breath trying to calm your heart.

“You know you technically are still a Gojo too… right? So it doesn’t make much sense that you call me by OUR name”. Yes, it was petty but he would be damned if he didn’t try and convince you to call him in a more familiar way.

She looked at him as if he was soft in the head for a moment “Sign the papers and forget I ever existed…” he had to cut you right there “NO! I refuse to forget about you Y/N! You are my wife! By law and by right you cannot just keep me away from you! I am not signing shit!” All those words tumbled from his lips faster than he expected. The rejection he felt for the idea of you never being with him again was making him lose his mind. You could not be serious! Could you? You couldn’t really be considering to move on… without him. (As if you hadn’t already done that).

“Just let me explain! Fuck!” running his hands through his hair in an exasperated gesture. “Please…” came a broken whisper, not a demand, but a request.

You straightened your back and folded your arms over your chest “you have 5 minutes and that’s it. At the end of that time I want you to leave and never come back!” Satoru nodded although he didn’t really agree to those terms but he thought if he continued to defy you it wouldn’t do him any favors to gain your forgiveness.

“I am sorry…” looking straight in your eyes started the handsome sorcerer, crestfallen and bleak “I know… I fucked up so bad… I know I hurt you. “ only words wouldn’t cut through the thick barrier you carefully crafted around yourself. You might as well be shielded by his infinity.

You looked at him with a mix of anger, pain and longing. You hated yourself so much for feeling your traitorous heart hammering away, getting lost in his crystalline eyes and deep voice. It wasn’t fair he held so much power over you.

“But I am fixing it Y/N… Sookie is not in my life anymore… I left her and haven’t been with her in a very long time, I don’t want anyone else but you…” assured the man desperately.

“How can you say that?!” You asked horrified “what kind of man are you that you would abandon your child!?”.

“He was not my son!…. Y/N. She cheated on me with someone else, the baby she carried was not mine. I confirmed that when the child was born…” admitted once more embarrassed about his stupidity.

Your expression was blank for the longest time, trying to process what Gojo had just said.

You blink a couple times, it’s almost as if he expected you to feel bad about his luck.

Fucking asshole! You knew he was trying to play the pity card with you but it wasn’t working.

“Well… I don’t care about your personal life, it’s none of my business” you reminded him. Satoru visibly flinched at the brutal retaliation. “let me finish! God damn! Y/N!” He felt like pulling out his hair.

“I know I fucked up so bad but please… please give me another chance… I will do whatever you say! Give you whatever you want just…. Don’t do this” he waited for an answer from you. He wanted to touch you and hold you in his arms, promise you he would take care of you and prove he was now worthy of your love.

“Goodbye Satoru…” you said turning around and getting ready to leave him standing there in the cold.

On instinct he warped in front of you and stopped you by wrapping his arms around your body, one went to your narrow waist and the other behind your neck pulling you to him.

Fuck it…. You already hated him, might as well give you a good reason.

He crushed his lips against yours in a passionate embrace. Your body froze in his arms and he took that opportunity to deepen the kiss, ever the opportunist he slipped his tongue between your lips and caressed yours, enticing you to taste him as much as he was tasting you.

It only took your brain a couple seconds to work but by then you were trapped. You tried to fight him, placing both your palms against his chest and pushing him away. Might as well have been pushing a fucking wall. Gojo fucking Satoru was the strongest living person for a good reason.

It felt like an anaconda embrace, the more you struggled the tighter he held you until you finally gave in yourself. A tear ran down your cheek by the time you started kissing him back. You both went from practically devouring each other, angrily fighting for dominance to sensually and tenderly exploring each other’s mouth with your tongues, little licks and nips until you separated. His forehead against yours, both of your breathing heavily.

Not a single word was exchanged. Both of you afraid to break the chasm of this frail truce.

—————

———> Chapter 9

@sleepyamaya

@cloudsinthecosmos

@jxvajxy

@satoruhooraaa

@my-reality-is-in-my-head

@dok-ja

@jscarlet06

@fiona782

@thatsharklovingwoman

@heichoustheoryofcleanliness

@syynnaaah

@shaylove418

@coldvillainess

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@sukuna1stwife

[spxllcxstxr]

Teaching a Moderately Old Dog New Tricks • S.B

(Gif not mine)

Request: could you do a older sirius x younger (tonks' age) reader, maybe he's in denial about liking her because he thinks he's too old but she doesn't think that way. — @msmb

Summary: The man you fancy has been avoiding you. Tonks gives you an idea.

Warnings: alcohol consumption, mention of cigarettes, kissing, older man/younger woman (but reader is Tonks’ age), light mention of remadora (does that need a warning?), Sirius is a bit self deprecating, heated make out, Moody’s all seeing eye

Word Count: 1.6k

A.N: Inspiration hit at 1am. Uhhh Kissing can either be well written or extremely cringe. I can’t tell what category my kissing is in, so possibly sorry in advance? OotP Sirius is so hot and I will love him forever. Hope you guys enjoy. Love you all❤️

****

“So how’re you and Sirius?” Tonks asks, her hair a violent shade of violet as she swings her legs over the arm of the couch at Grimmauld Place. She takes a sip of her daisyroot draught, excited for any news.

“I don’t know.” You respond, swirling your own goblet in your hand. “How’re you and Remus?”

You smirk as she almost chokes at the mention of the man of her dreams.

“I asked you first.” She shoots back after her coughing fit goes away.

“You’re annoying.” You take another sip.

“Cry about it.” Tonks huffs. “But don’t change the subject.”

“Merlin, I wish I had an answer for you.” Groaning, you run a hand through your hair. “He seems to be pulling away from me, yet again.”

“Ugh, men.” Tonks mimes a fake gag.

“I mean, he pulls me into a broom closet for a quick snog and now he won’t even stay in the same room as me!” You cry out.

The draught is sweet in your mouth as you down the rest of your goblet. “‘Ugh, men’ is right. I will never understand them.”

“At least you get a snog.” Tonks retorts. “Remus barely grazes my fingertips passing me a piece of parchment and suddenly he’s all pink and avoiding me for weeks.”

“Are they that daft, or are we just shit at flirting?” You pour yourself some more daisyroot draught.

The murky pink of the draught bubbles and sizzles near the top of the cup.

Grimmauld Place is mostly quiet, the kids were all asleep and someone paces in the room above. There’s faint laughing coming from the kitchen, but that could be one of the Black family portraits, so it’s no concern of yours.

“It can’t possibly be the latter because if I remember correctly, flirting was our specialty back in school.” Tonks winks from her stretched out position.

“Oh yeah.” You muse sarcastically. “All those people we managed to seduce at Hogwarts...”

“Hey! I snogged Penny Haywood seventh year!” She declares.

“It was a game of truth or dare! We all snogged Penny Haywood!” You exclaim, almost spilling your drink all over your robes.

“My point still stands.”

The house groans and creaks in your comfortable silence, Kreature’s dragging gait echoes through the corridor.

“Sirius has nice lips.” You sigh dreamily, your thoughts once again preoccupied by him. “Would love to snog him again.”

“You should.” Your friend replies. “At least one of us needs a proper love life.”

“But he won’t talk to me...” You childishly whine. Pouting, you drink from your goblet.

“Well maybe you should be the one that pulls him into the cupboard next time.” Tonks shrugs, waving her wand to fill her goblet once more.

“You’re brilliant, y’know that?” You perk up at her idea.

“I’ve been trying to tell you that since we were eleven, (Y/n). Can’t believe you’re just now admitting it.”

The night gets cut short after that, mostly because the two of you have work in the morning and the Ministry of Magic was already unbearable sober. Hungover at the office meant a lot more suffering than usual.

You’ve never been more thankful for Molly’s desire to put the gaggle of kids to work around the house.

Even when you get back from the Ministry the the next night, they’re all still galavanting with doxycide upstairs, letting the exhausted adults have a moment to relax.

That’s when you decide to strike.

There’s an extremely convenient and mostly empty broom closet on the ground floor close to the kitchen that is just ripe with opportunity.

Tonks gives you a thumbs up and shoots you a wink as she passes you and strides into the kitchen. You’re leaning against the doorframe, pretending to be preoccupied with checking your nails, but in reality, you’re watching and waiting for Sirius to come a little closer.

His black curls with the occasional strand of grey rest on his shoulders. His velvet burgundy blazer stands out against the dark wood and blue theme Grimmauld Place seems to really enjoy and embrace. You watch his gold pocket watch glimmer in the flickering orange candlelight and how he twists the rings on his fingers.

Your heart flutters at the mere sight of him.

He finally breaks away from his conversation with Remus before turning around and making his way towards you.

He struts closer, heels clicking against the floorboards and your hands jitter in excitement. You’ve never been one to initiate these types of things before.

“Alright, (Y/n)—“ Sirius starts, reluctantly nodding his head in greeting.

But since he’s within arm’s reach, you grab his soft lapels and pull him into the broom closet.

With a flick of your wand the door shuts and you’re plunged into even dimmer lighting.

Your hands are still tightly grasping at his lapels and you have to admit, you’re a little breathless as you fervently press your lips to his.

Your eyes flutter shut and you press your chest to his own, effectively pushing him harder against the wall. You moan, feeling him kiss back. He tastes distinctly of firewhiskey and cigarettes and you’re loving every second of it. His lips are addicting as they move in tandem to yours. Sirius’ hands trail up to the back of your skull, pulling you closer to him, something you enjoy and gleefully let happen. The closer to him you are, the better.

The heatedly deep kiss sends a thrill throughout your body. Here you are, snogging the man you’ve fancied since the day you met him, in a broom closet of headquarters. Instinctively, your heart skips a beat.

One of Sirius’ hands detaches itself from your hair and instead, trails its way down your body to rest on your lower back. A jolt of excitement sparks and flares up inside. Goosebumps erupt underneath his warm hand. He squeezes your body tighter, quickly taking control of the situation.

Unfortunately, air becomes something that you’re losing fairly quickly and when you reluctantly spilt apart, you’re extremely aware of his swollen red lips. They stand out between the dark hair of his beard.

You’re panting as you cling on to his blazer for stability. The moment your lips touched, your knees practically gave out.

“What was that for, poppet?” Sirius pants as well, grey eyes looking into yours.

“Merlin, Sirius, do I really have to spell it out for you?” You smirk, still breathless. “I fancy you.”

“You what?” His eyebrows dart up in surprise.

“I fancy you? Like I want to go out for a drink sometime. Or I guess, stay in for a drink since—“ You ramble.

“You can’t fancy me, (Y/n).” He interjects, hands slipping away from you.

You carefully remove your hands from his figure in return. “Oh.” Awkwardly, you stuff your hands into your pockets. “And why’s that, then?”

Anxiously, he begins to twist the ruby ring around his thumb. The broom closet feels a lot smaller than before and the burn of embarrassment feels even harsher.

“I think you know why.” Sirius evades the question.

Your brows knit together in both confusion and annoyance. “No, I really don’t know why, Sirius, so please enlighten me.”

“Godric, (Y/n)!” He cries out. “I’m an old ex-convict with a fuck ton of issues! You don’t want that kind of baggage!”

Sirius scowls, not at you, but at himself.

“You’re in your thirties, Sirius. If that’s old than Mad-Eye’s ancient.” You try your best to joke and make light of the situation.

However, you see that your attempt doesn’t work.

“Hey, I don’t care that you’re older than me. I like you because you’re this handsomely charming and charismatic guy that shares my issues with authority.” Hesitantly, you bring your hand up to his neck. He leans into your warm touch. “And I really like you.”

“I’d be more of a burden than a boyfriend.” He mutters.

“You’re no burden. Not to me.” You reply, stroking his beard. “Never to me.”

“I’m a bit rusty.” Sirius confides. “Haven’t had a partner since the seventies. And I’m not the same person I used to be.”

“Neither am I.” You shrug. “Mostly because back then I was a wriggling little lump.”

Sirius snorts.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” You question, tucking a few strands of stray hair behind your ear.

“I felt bad.” Sirius confesses, straightening out his blazer. “Felt like I was manipulating you by leading you on so I was trying to get you to hate me. Trying to convince myself to get over you.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t succeed in that endeavor?” You tease your bottom lip with your teeth, innocently looking at the man in front of you.

His grey eyes are kind and soft gazing into yours even after years and years of torture and misery.

He’s someone to admire.

“Getting over you is probably the hardest thing I’ve attempted.” Sirius laughs. “And I escaped Azkaban.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Sirius.” You muse, rubbing the back on your neck in embarrassment.

“Flattery will get me everywhere, poppet.” He winks in return, amused by your gesture.

“So can we give it a shot?” You ask, praying to Merlin he agrees.

“Sure poppet, why not?” He grins, his white teeth poking out from the intense red.

In a swift movement he has you flipped, your back now pressed to the wall as he passionately places his lips back on yours.

You hands tangle themselves in his wild hair, his sneaking around your waist. You tug at the locks and he hums in approval.

Suddenly there’s a large bang against the door causing it to shake on its hinges.

“Oi!” Tonks’ voice rings out.

Sadly, Sirius pulls away just enough to rest his forehead on your own. His breath hot on your face.

“Mad-Eye says that if any clothes come off he’s barging in there, so wrap it up!”

Your mutter out a curse as you attempt to untangle yourself from Sirius.

“Also (Y/n),” Tonks yells again. “knew you had it in ya.”

•

Sirius Black Taglist: @fific7 @quindolyn @msmb @lunalovecroft

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