#but i also know getting a new job wont fix the problem

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Island of the Procrastinating Brain

I swear, my brain is actively trying to drive me insane.

Back in 2022 it came up with a plot for @alex51324 's "Island of the Gays" where the Duke of Crowborough comes to the Island because, well, by this point the man's less of a human being than he is a walking bundle of neurosis. I got through a couple of scenes before my brain got tired and stalled out, but I still have a good frame work. Every once in awhile, I come back and poke at it and get out a few more sentences. Maybe even a paragraph or two.

Yeah, have I mentioned I'm not a fast writer?

And Phillip does NOT want to deal with his issues and Thomas does NOT want to deal with Phillip, which, okay, FAIR, but that's kinda the point of the whole thing. But in the meantime my brain still wants to write Phillip on the Island, so what's it done?

Come up with a sequel, naturally!

And it really, really wants to write this sequel despite the fact I can't do it properly until I've written the first piece, which neither my brain or my characters seems interested in, because they are all PUNKS, but my brain will NOT stop thinking about this hypothetical sequel which, at this point, will never be written.

So I'm just going to write out the summary for the thing here, in case anyone's curious and wants a laugh, because I can and maybe it'll galvanize the lump of grey cells in my skull to be productive. Maybe. Not holding my breath.

Things you need to know before going into this:

Random.org has decided that Thomas is married to Peter Fitzroy for this one, which is kinda important for Thomas's characterization.

Phillip only kinda counts as human at this point, but he's actively trying to fix that. The results are mixed.

It was inspired by a couple of polls I ran when I was trying to figure out where I was taking the first piece (hey! I have the last scene written!) and the suggestions that Phillip might like working in some sort of architectural field (believe that was from @o-rchidae) and that he wind up married with an older working class bloke who would not take his shit.

Right then. Let's go.

-

Okay, so, this takes place a couple of years after the Walking Disaster of Crowborough arrived. At one point he was tapped to help with building or repairs or some such and he realized he liked it, so he's taken to studying books on building and architecture and has joined up with the local work crew. The problem is, he's basically teaching himself out of books and then applying it to real life, so he keeps getting ideas about "Say, why don't we do this thing THIS way?" and while it'll seem like a reasonable idea, there is, in fact, a very good reason NOT to do it that way, but because a) he's a Duke and b) a bunch of people hate him, on general principle if nothing else, everyone just goes "Oh, okay, sure" and the do it that way and…it fails. And the people who hate him laugh and it's obvious that EVERYONE knew it was a bad idea and he gets frustrated, but he wont' say it, because a) Duke and b) boys don't cry.

And this goes on for awhile.

After a bit, though, a new guy shows up who has lots of experience building things. It was kinda his job before he got here. He is educated in the ways of Building Things and knows what's up. He's also at least ten years Phillip's senior and has limited patience for upper class twits, so when he joins the crew and is informed there's this know-it-all-Duke who's always demanding they do things his way (by which we mean 'making suggestions that everyone just goes along with'), even though it's stupid and wastes time and resources, this guy goes "Pff, not on MY watch!"

And sure enough, the next time Phillip makes one of his suggestions, instead of "Yeah, sure, okay" he gets "We're not doing that." Why? "'Cause it's a stupid idea that won't work." WHY? "Because (insert full explanation of why the thing wouldn't work)." And Phillip stops asking and the rest of the crew cheers and laughs at how the old guy sure showed him and they anticipate an end to the questions.

THIS TOTALLY BACKFIRES.

Instead Phillip, who had actually been kinda slowing down on the suggestions over time, is making ALL of the suggestions, ALL of the times, and arguing every last aspect of the suggestion with Old Timer before giving up. The crew can't put up a fence without an argument. Old Timer starts calling Phillip 'Phil'. Rather than tell him to stop, Phillip just starts calling Old Timer by a similar nickname, which Old Timer ignores, because not giving in to his own trick, oh no. There's talk of starting a police department in case they murder each other.

After this has gone on for awhile there is a Big Dramatic Plot Twist and the Old Timer goes out into the woods for something and…doesn't come back in a timely manner. He stays gone long enough for people to get worried and mount a search. To everyone's shock, Phillip wants to come. He's quite insistent on the point. They finally agree to put him in Thomas's party because he and Thomas "get along now" (read: Thomas has spent enough time with Peter talking him down that he can tolerate Phillip's presence under the right circumstances as long as he doesn't say anything). The parties go out and before long, Thomas and Phillip's party has the good luck to find Old Timer. He's accidentally been injured badly enough he can't walk and crawling through the woods is not easy going. The manner of this accident wasn't a super obvious bad idea, but that could maybe have been avoided with a bit more thought, perhaps, with luck. Most of the party just nods and goes "Yeah, sounds about right, could have happened to anyone."

…Phillip flips straight out and starts screaming at Old Timer for being an idiot who could have got himself killed. And then storms off a ways into the woods, back toward the village, leaving everyone else wondering a) the best way to get the injured man back home and b) what the heck just happened with the prissy little Duke. Thomas gets deputized to go find out what Phillip's problem is. There is protesting involved, but he finally gives in because he'd like to be home by dinner, thank you very much.

Phillip has, by this point, stopped to have a smoke, which both gives Thomas an opportunity to catch up and, thankfully, a scent to find him by. Thomas asks him why on earth he's so upset that Old Timer is hurt since the two of them hate each other and everyone figured Phillip would LOVE it if the other man died…

And that's when he finds out that everyone's had that relationship all backwards. Phillip doesn't hate the Old Timer, oh no! He loves being called 'Phil'. He absolutely adores the fact that when he asks "Why don't we do this?", rather than just go "Yeah, okay" and waste time and resources doing something HE KNOWS WON'T WORK, the Old Timer says 'no' and, over the course of the argument, actually EXPLAINS why not, which means Phillip ACTUALLY LEARNS THINGS. The more he argues, the better he becomes at building things and he doesn't have to try and decipher what some book is telling him or guess what the book might be leaving out and he LOVES IT and if the Old Timer had died, how would he learn things then? When Thomas points out that he'd learn just as much - maybe more - if he just asked the Old Timer to teach him things rather than argue, Phillip low key panics because what if he figures out Phillip WANTS to learn and stops talking to him or refuses because he doesn't like him at all?

By this point Thomas is a) trying to remember if he was ever THIS paranoid, and praying he wasn't and b) wondering what on earth to do with a Duke who is clearly in love with a crusty old working class codger, but hasn't figured it out yet.

He decides to tell Rouse and make it HIS mess to deal with.

Phillip and the Old Timer eventually get married and get a cottage of their own and Phillip about dies happy at the idea of a home that he actually owns instead of something that he's the custodian of for the next generation who will be the custodians for the generation after that and so on.

[butchvamp]

every job i actually want either requires 3 degrees and 5 billion years of experience or is unpaid volunteer work this shit fucking sucks. trapped in hell oscillating between retail and food service until i kill myself i guess

[bitchthefuck1]

Genuinely cannot fathom how this woman's mind works, it'll be a genuine miracle if I don't kms before the year ends

The universe saw me finally getting out of a toxic social circle and moving away from my family and said let's balance this out by giving her a manager with the poorest communication skills known to man

[xreaderanonaccount]

yandere webttore x fem reader smut pls? I wont him....... so badly....

Synopsis: You were just a simple baker in Snezhnaya that was being harassed by a local gang. Lucky for you one of your regulars just so happens to be the 2nd Harbinger of the Fatui. All he wants in return is a favor.

Webttore is a segment of actual Dottore, Reader is wearing a dress,

Tags: NSFW MINORS DNI, DUB-CON, AFAB Reader, slight Stockholm Syndrome, P with plot, Yandere, human body parts, grinding, fingering, orgasm denial, rough s*x, Not Beta read

A/N: Inspired by that one Mafia!Bucky x Reader series here on tumblr. I can't find it and i'm sad cause i really liked reading it. This is also my first time writing a Yandere character so I hope I did a good enough job

Words: 3.5K

There’s a small bakery in a quiet street on the outskirts of the Capital of Snezhnaya. Many of the Fatui Skirmishers come to visit before heading out. They claim it’s good luck. You are always happy to do business with the Fatui, as that rakes in revenue for you. But recently you were having a slight problem. A local gang has been trying to pry money out of you, “for protection” they claim, but you do know that it's bogus. You tried to tell them no but they seem to not take that answer well. They come in almost everyday to harass you about it. At this point it’s part of your routine. You wake up, get the bakery ready, and get harassed by the gang. They normally harass you about money, always coming in disrupting business or graffiti rude and cruel messages on your windows. But you never gave in, you just sighed and fixed everything. There’s no need to cry over spilt milk, that’s what your mother would always tell you. It was one of those days where you were being harassed again by this local gang.

“Just give us the money, then your debt will be paid.” One of the gang members spatted, his temper clearly waning by the minute. 

“Why would I? And what debt would I incur during this time period?” You questioned, cleaning a glass cup. You were not amused by this, it’s the third time this week and you are quite getting used to your new routine. 

“For protection obviously!” Another one spat slamming his fist on your counter. You rolled your eyes at their foolish behavior.

“Oh, protection? But I do believe that the Fatui Harbingers and their men have it all covered. No?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. The gang member stuttered for a bit before another one, a much bigger one, slammed his gun on your counter.

“Listen here, you’re going to give us the money or else-”

“Or else what?” A new voice spoke up, one that you’re not familiar with. Looking over you spot a tall man with icy blue hair sitting idly in the booths stacks of paper scattered around the table. 

“And who are you?” One of the members asked, storming up to the man. You quickly walked around the bar putting you between the gang and the icy haired man. 

“Leave him out of this. You can threaten me all you want but the minute you threaten a customer it’s over.” You glared at them, but a small chuckle was heard behind you. You heard some shuffling before you felt a presence behind you. You looked up seeing the icy blue hair man behind you. 

“See, I really like this place. It gives me time to get away from them and now… it’s ruined. By you lot.” His tone was cold as he slowly approached the gang. But they didn’t move. 

“Oh yeah, and who are you, a high ranking Fatui Harbinger?” One asked, pointing a gun right to his face. You couldn’t see what the strange man did next as he gestured to something on him. But whatever it was it clearly scared the gang away. Their faces were pale as they exited the store. One muttered that they’ll be back, but the other didn’t say anything. Now it was just the two of you.

“Ha, sorry for dragging you into this mess.” You sighed, running your hand through your hair. The man gave out a chaotic cackle before whipping around to see you. You finally get a good view of him. He had striking red eyes, the already described icy blue hair, and his outfit was strange. A white dress shirt with an overexaggerated collar, paired with a black vest. Strange clothing for the middle of winter in Snezhnaya. Let’s not mention the blue earring he wore that has some sort of liquid in it. 

“Hmm,” The man hummed as he circled around you like a predator eyeing their prey. He stopped right behind you, you felt his hands run through your hair playing with it a bit.

“You have nice hair, and very healthy organs.” He chuckled a bit.

“Thanks?” you tried to smile, but this is totally weird. Was he trying to compliment you, or something? You gave a weary look as you watched him slide back into his booth and continue looking around his stack of paper. You sighed as you walked around the counter, you have to repay him with something right? An idea popped in your head as you smiled to yourself. As you prepare your little surprise for the stranger, everytime you glance in his direction he always seems to be looking at you at the same time. Strange, but this man is already strange already. 

After a couple of minutes you approached the strange man again. As you approached him, he seemed to sense your presence and watched you set a plate down. 

“This… is a little thanks for helping me with those nut jobs.” You suddenly felt shy under his gaze. But he didn’t say a word as he took a bite out of the warm pastry. 

“Thanks.” He said muffled by the pastry that was in his mouth.

“No, thank you.” You smile as you walk away, going back to cleaning the mess the gang left behind. It seems that you have a new routine, you wake up, get the bakery ready, get harassed again, but now you have your new regular. The strange ice blue haired man comes in everyday it seems to work? You don’t really know, you never really pry into it. He always comes in and gets the same thing. A pure black iced coffee with a nice warm pastry. You're always confused when he asks for ice coffee as it’s Snezhnaya, the temperatures are always in the negatives. But he seems to enjoy his order. You can’t complain, he seems to help out when the gang comes in to harass you.

But for the past few weeks he hasn’t shown up.You were concerned and asked around but no one seemed to know what or who you were talking about. But something strange started to happen. Dead bodies have started showing up around your bakery. Either in your front door, in your alley way, or in the back door, wherever there is a spot a body was found. And every single time the body belonged to the gang that was harassing you. And every single time there was a message written in their blood confessing their crimes of harassing you. You were freaked out about it, thinking there was a serial killer on the loose and you reported it to the nearest Fatui station. The Fatui seemed to care for about a week but then stopped. They dropped the case saying that the 2nd Fatui Harbinger Il Dottore dropped the case. Which is strange because Lord Pucinella is in charge of the capital’s police so why is the Doctor dropping the case? You were lowkey freaked out about everything, but everytime you were scared to leave the strange man always seemed to appear. Always willing to walk you home, and if anytime you ask about his whereabouts he would just dismiss the question. Although a little freak out you didn’t question why he was here. It was nice to have someone watching over you especially when it seems that someone is clearly doing a revenge for you. 

On one fateful night, a quiet night you were alone in your bakery cleaning some dishes when you heard a high pitch scream. Your head shot up as you gently placed down the cup. The screams died out, and the silence after was deafening. Did you just hear the last moments of someone's life? You hesitated to leave the backroom before you heard a little ding, it rang around the quiet bakery, you were frozen not knowing what to do.

“Darling are you there?” A familiar voice spoke up, it was that man. You quickly walked out of the room already babbling about what just happened. But you were stopped in your tracks, your eyes went wide, and face went pale. There he stood covered in blood, his face like a maniac as he held a little box with a pretty bow on top. 

“W-what happened to you?” You stuttered as you slowly approached the man who gave a crazed smile holding out a box.

“I got you a present.” Completely ignoring the question he set the present in your hands. The blood smeared all over your hand. 

“What is it?” You hesitatingly asked. 

“Open it,” 

You slowly pulled the little ribbon on the top, the ribbon fell gracefully on your blood stained hands. Slowly taking the top off you only caught a glimpse of the inside before dropping it. Falling out of the gift box was a human heart, the blood oozing out of the heart pooling on your recently cleaned floor. You scrambled back, your back hitting against the wall harshly. 

“W-what is this?” You exclaimed looking over at him, all he had was a small smile as he walked around the counter getting closer to you. 

“A profession of my love, darling.” His small smile turned into a smile.You were still scrambling away to the back room.

“With a human heart! What is wrong with you?” You yelled, all he did was start to laugh, a laugh that soon turned into a cackle.

“What is wrong with me? With me? Oh darling, everything.” He made eye contact with you, his eyes blown wide with lust as he continued his approach. 

“Those little gang members won’t hurt you ever again.” He whispered as he encaptured you between his arms against the wall. Inches away from his face as he gave a manic smile. 

“You did this, killed all those gang members?” Your voice wobbled as you tried to grasp the situation. 

“Oh yes, I did, made sure they won’t hurt you ever again.” He whispered, his face inches away from you. You were shaking uncontrollably, you didn’t know how to react.

“Please don’t hurt me.” You whispered your voice quivering with every word. The man just cackled as he rested his head against your shoulder. 

“Hurt you… haha… I can never hurt. Not you, never.” 

“I… don’t even know your name.” He stared straight into your eyes, his ruby red ones shining in the light, piercing through yours. 

“I go by many names, but I prefer you call me Zandik.” Zandik reached out to your face, creasing it, the smell of metal filled your senses as he spread the blood all across your face. He leaned in his lips inches away from yours, you can feel his breath against your face.

“I would kill the whole world for you, I want you so badly. Please…” He pleaded, resting his forehead against yours. 

“I…I…” 

“Please…” You looked away for a second before Zandik let out a sound of frustration before slamming his lips against yours. It was rough, he had your arms pinned, you can’t move an inch. When he pulled away he smiled as he stroked your cheek. You’re pretty sure that the majority of your face is covered in blood. 

“I want you.” He murmured against your skin as his hands trailed back untying your apron.

“Do you want me?” He asked looking straight into your eyes, you just nodded. He started to laugh, the mood completely shifting for both of you. For him he was ecstatic, but for you… you have no idea. You were scared, afraid, but also calm? Like sure this Zandik man killed a bunch of men, but he did it in your honor. He has no ill intention on harming you, and he is clearly doing it out of love. But do you love him? All these thoughts stirred in your head as you felt Zandik’s hands trailed down your dress till it was underneath the frills. 

“Haa, do that again? Make that sound again, you sound so cute.” He breathed as he started to hike up your dress. The dress crumpled up to your waist as you obliged his request by whimpering again as you felt the cold wind of Snezhnaya brush against your legs. Zandik pulled back admiring how you looked. He chuckled as he leaned in towards your ear.

“You look beautiful with all this blood. So beautiful…” He whispered as he worked his way towards your panties. But was stopped your sudden grip on his wrist. He looked shocked at your audacity to stop his advancement. 

“C-could you at least wash the blood off your hands.” You mumbled as you looked away, “I don’t really want someone’s blood inside me.” It clicked in Zandik’s head and he rushed over to the sink, scrubbing his hands clean of all the blood. You stood there in shock on what’s happening. Everything is settling on you like a ton of bricks. This man who you're about to have sex with just killed a bunch of people these past months, and just professes his love to you with a human heart. How… strange. You listened to him mutter to himself something about, “not wanting other guys dna inside you.” that “you belong to him and him alone.” or “I’ll never let anyone hurt her again.” You weren’t going to lie, it was lowkey hot to see him like this. He patted his hands down on his pants before latching himself back onto you. His lips were back onto yours devouring you lips like there was no tomorrow. You couldn’t help but moan against his lips as he started to slowly grind against you. You could feel how hard he was against your cloth vagina. 

“I can’t help myself dear, you are so perfect.” He murmured against your skin, you felt his gloved hands trail down playing with the edge of your underwear. You felt him smile against your skin as he pulled your underwear to the side and plunge two fingers into your soaking wet clit. You heard him groan as he worked your way through your vagina. 

“You’re already so wet for me dear. So perfect, taking in my fingers like this.” He moaned as he fastened his pace. The moans couldn’t stop as you closed your eyes. The feeling was so overwhelming, the foreign feeling of his leather gloves pistoning in and out of you felt strange yet pleasurable. Zandik was biting against your skin, his shark-like teeth biting down on your exposed neck, you felt your blood trickle down your neck. His pace fastened with each thrust, you couldn’t hold back your moans. Whimpering his name every now and then, which seemed to get a reaction out of him. 

“Ha, I’m close.” You breathed out, feeling the coil tighten in your stomach. But the minute you said that you felt Zandik’s fingers ripping out of your inside. You whined at the sudden loss of his fingers. 

“I know darling, but I promise you. I’ll make you feel so so much better. I swear.” He cackled as he fiddled with his pants. You intently watched as he pulled his now hard cock out. He slapped it against your clit, earning a moan. You eyed at the sheer size of his cock. It was huge. You don’t think it would fit inside you.

“It’s not going to fit.” You exclaimed, panicking looking up to Zandik’s glaring red eyes.

“Too big? Haha, don’t worry darling, I’ll make it fit.” Zandik smiled as he lined up his cock with your vagina. 

“It’s not going to fit-” You were cut off as Zandik shoved his girthy cock all the way in one go. You yelled in pain and pleasure by the stretch. You tried to tell him to slow down but your cries fell on deaf ears as Zandik set a rough pace. He seemed to lose his own pleasure to listen to your pleas. You felt tears start to flow down your cheeks by the stretch of Zandik’s dick. Zandik started to laugh like a mad man looking down on you, his eyes wide like a crazed man.

“You look so beautiful like this darling, so beautiful when you cry.” He laughed, slamming his lips against yours, kissing your pain away. 

“Please, I want to cum.” You cried pulling away from him, the pain turning into pleasure as Zandik continued his rough pace.

“Ha, so obedient, so perfect. You were made for me,” He moaned as he gently cupped your face.

“Look at you, you were worried about my dick fitting yet look,” He tilted your head to see his dick disappear inside your vagina with each rough thrust, “your pussy was made for me, molded just me, and me only.” Your walls flutter against his dick with his words, which causes Zandik to groan.

“And now, you’re sucking me in with every thrust. Greedy greedy girl.” He chuckled as he captured your lips again. When he pulled away, a thin string of spit kept you connected.

“I’ve been aching for you for weeks now,” He started his confession, “every night, I would imagine how perfect you would be around my cock. And-ha, just look. It’s perfect, you're perfect, just for me. You’re mine, got it?” His words fell out of his mouth in pure pleasure as he started to draw dizzy circles around your clit. That sent your nerves into overdrive, moans kept falling out of your mouth. Your senses were sent into overdrive, every touch from Zandik made you clamp down around his dick. You couldn’t help it, the pure bliss that you were feeling was out of this world. 

“C-close.” You were able to get out, Zandik just chuckled before quickening his already fast pace. 

“Gods please, I want your vagina to suck me dry. Please, let me cum inside you.” Zandik moaned, “I want you to bear my children. Gods please.” All you could do is nod as you felt that coil tighten again in your stomach. 

“Please Zandik, I want to cum.” You moaned, the mere mention of his name made him go into overdrive. Circling his fingers around your clit faster, and faster. Every sense went into overdrive and you couldn’t hold it in longer. Clamping down on his cock you shook violently as you screamed out of his name. Zandik continue his rough pace fucking you through your high.When you came down from your high, you felt Zandik pull out of your overstimulated hole. You whine from the empty feeling, as Zandik let you fall to your knees, exhausted from everything. But Zandik wasn’t done, he stroked his dick faster and faster aiming it straight to your face. He cupped your chin making you look up at him with your fucked out face.

“So beautiful, so perfect. Just for me, tell me you want me.” Zandik breathed, he continued to stroke his dick before you stop his action. Confused, he watched as you replaced his hands with yours as you started to stroke him from base to tip. Zandik eyes blown wide from your actions he couldn’t help but start to thrust into your hands.

“I’m yours.” You muttered as you gave kitten licks on his tips. Zandik groaned as his dick twitched in your hands. The white warm semen painted your face, he had so much cum in him that by the time he finished you are probably sure your face is covered full of cum and blood. Zandik was breathing heavily as he gave a cackle. He smeared the cum and blood across your face, giving a small smile. 

“You look so beautiful with my cum painted all over your face.” You didn’t respond, only your heavy breathing was heard in the quiet bakery. You two stood in silence before Zandik noticed something outside the bakery, stuff his cock back into his slacks.

“Stay down there darling.” He smiled before turning towards the bakery door. You didn’t peak up but you heard the bakery bell ring indicating someone walked inside. 

“Lord Dottore! We’ve been looking all over for you.” Someone said, Lord Dottore? You mean the 2nd Fatui Harbinger? You looked up at “Zandik” who was annoyed by the disruption. 

“What is it?” He sounded annoyed. 

“We’ve located the gang that was harassing the bakery owner.” One of them stated, you watched as “Zandik” snatched the paper out of the person's hands.

“Very well, get to it then. I want any survivors sent to the lab. Have Prime deal with it.” He sounded a mix of boredom and anger as he dismissed the people who entered the bakery.

“Yes lord Harbinger.” They both said, before you hear them walking out of the bakery. Zandik turned back to you, giving you a wicked smile.

“Y-you’re the 2nd harbinger?” You whispered trying to scoot away.

“Oh are you scared now that you know my identity? Aw, you hurt me dear.” “Zandik” smiled, kneeling down to your level. He reached out for you stroking the cum and blood across your face.

“I promise you no one will hurt you again right?” You nodded at his statement, “Good. Now that I marked you I will always protect you… from anyone.”

A/N: divider credits: cafekitsune

[alfredojesta]

OC post but it's for jason the toymaker rewrite (THIS IS NOT AN OC X CANON POST I WILL BREAK DOWN SOBBING IF ANYONE THINKS ITS OC X CANON THANK YOU) (TS IS UNHEALTHY AS FUCK!!!!!!!) i wanna provide some info because i've been chipping away at this rework for a bit now and i've got. the basics if you will.

Margarethe is basically my version of Maggie (from Jason's OG story if you've read it you know) and Lizbeth is her sister (she acts as the replacement for Daisy. again if you've read the story you know LOL). they're VERY different in the rewrite. the only part i kept the same was Maggie's amnesia and dead parents

Marge is a 30 smth y/o woman with amnesia and she starts dating Jason who then proceeds to gaslight her for 3 years straight in an unhealthy relationship that ends with Marge getting turned to yet another doll. she works at a daycare before Jason tells her to quit because. erm. her job isn't that important anyway. Jason only dated her because she reminded him a lot of Amelia (and my version of Jason is always looking for a new Amelia to fill his void). Jason used her amnesia to his advantage, constantly demeaning her for her shitty memory and then reassuring her that her health problems don't make her any less deserving of good things

Lizbeth is Marge's fun-going half-sister who's a year younger. she's married to a wealthy guy and therefore uses his money for anything and everything. she met Jason first! she was like "WOAH YOUR TOY SHOP IS BEAUTIFUL MY SISTER WOULD LOVE IT HERE I'VE GOT TO BRING HER" BUT. the time between when she met Jason and when she introduced him to Marge was like... 7 years. because Marge was in a coma from when she was 15 to when she was 20. then for 7 years, Lizbeth forgot Jason existed until she was strolling London with Marge. only then did Lizbeth go "HOLY CRUD!!! I WONDER IF THAT TOY SHOP IS STILL OPEN!!!" and dragged Marge to the toy shop

anyway Jason doesn't like Lizbeth. funnily enough he always thought her name was Elizabeth which goes to show how little he cared about her LMFAO the last thing he ever said to her, when Lizbeth came to his flat sobbing about Marge being missing, was "I never liked you, Elizabeth." (then he shut the door on her and she stood frozen for a good minute.)

Marge loves Jason like she thought it was so cool he started his own business but it slowly dives into concern. As it always does. she gets confused abt his motives. she has so many memory gaps and Jason is alw telling her what happened (she can really only trust his word) she's left alone a lot but Jason also isolates her from others. she works until Jason tells her its better if she takes time off bc of her health. Marge cant say the same for Jason even tho hes constantly working. she in fact wanted to make connections with other people, and that is when they started to argue frequently. Jason became frustrated because why the hell is he putting so much effort into this woman (and then he decided, after a bit, he needed to fix her so he turns her into a doll.)

(There is no world where Jason can have a healthy relationship with a woman as long as Amelia is apart of his life. Jason sees all the women in his life as projects to work on and perfect. That's why he wants to keep them and gets angry when they try to leave. At that point, they've broken themselves again. And the only way to then perfect them is by turning them into a doll.)

this is also where mr. bunny comes into play because Marge wanted to purchase him and that's how she interacted with Jason for the first time. the fact Marge was a daycare assistant meant she was able to get free toys from Jason LOL it's sweet in theory but Jason thought acts of services were just ways to keep Marge at bay ^_^ so she wont consider leaving. god bless his stupid fucking brain and its dumbass way of thinking

n e way their relationship was toxic as fuck but was Jason's longest relationship . he only saw her as a replacement for Amelia though so it's safe to say he never truly loved her.

[calciumdeficientt]

Little Drabble thing with @cyanityy ‘s gorgeous girl Sonya! Based on a convo we had a few days back

“Are you fixing it?” “Hold your horses, I’m trying my best”

Lenora’s VW beetle was jacked up in the middle of a parking lot just outside Old Bullworth Vale. Lenora was on the hood, tanning and flicking through an old copy of playboy that she was only vaguely interested in, Sonya was underneath tinkering with it as best she could. It was a hot day in deep summer. Even for the East coast, it was pretty toasty. She pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head and swivelled so that she was dangling just above where Sonya was working, the ends of her long blonde curls just barely brushing over the worn grey of Sonya’s jumpsuit “Can it be fixed?” She asked in a tired drawl, watching intently as her friend fiddled with her car’s suspension. Honestly it was a wonder it hadn’t gone out long ago. Lenora was very generous, she let all her friends drive her car basically whenever they wanted, the crux of this problem was that… all of her friends were jocks, and so they pushed her poor car to the limits, driving like they were in a police chase pretty regularly. That and also a fun game they called ‘punch the roof’ which was exactly what it sounded like- which of them could punch the roof the hardest for the longest.

Sonya wheeled herself out from under the car and looked up, she jumped a little bit realising she was nose to nose with Lenore “sure I can fix it, it’s just your suspension, its not like you blew a trans or anything” Lenora’s brows knitted together for a second. She barely understood half of what Sonya said, it was meaningless to her. She didn’t need to know what the problem was, she just needed to know it could be fixed.”excuse me?” “Just… whatever, I can fix it” Sonya rolled her eyes and rolled herself back underneath the car, Lenora lolled back over the hood, “Cool, I don’t wanna leave her here overnight in case they give her a new paint job or like… tow her or something th-” Her response was cut off by a short yelp followed by a brief bout of pained hissing a little as the hot metal gently roasted her exposed skin “Hey this is really hot” she murmured, trying to peel herself off the hood, it was a little difficult, the bikini she was in wasn’t really the most conservative, it was a lot of skin to metal contact. “You’re lying on top of a hot metal box in the middle of the day, in the middle of Summer Lenny, what did you think was gonna happen?” Sonya inquired, her voice a little muffled due to the car blocking her face. Lenora slipped off the hood and put her discarded shorts back on, and after a little bit of time spent patting them down to find the pocket with her key in, she unlocked the car “Hey, at least I dont look like I’m gonna get up and start singing greased lightning” she retorted, chuckling at her own joke as she began to root through the dashboard for her blunts. Sonya got herself out from under the car, happy that she’d fixed the suspension up as best she could which what few tools she had on her “You are such an asshole” Sonya tutted as she began going through the motions of lowering the car back down “I’m older than you I can do what I want… like page John Travolta and tell him to saddle up for a new grease movie… I always did think it could do with a remake” “You’re the worst” Sonya huffed, sliding the jack out from under the car and hauling ass to get it back into Lenora’s trunk.

Lenora turned and regarded Sonya with a look of the deepest mock offence she could muster “Heeeey… words hurt. There’s power in words Sonya… like the words ‘let’s go to the beach’ there’s a lot of emotion behind them” she gave the younger girl a crooked smile, nodding a little to herself. Sonya didn’t mind that idea so much, they were pretty close to the docks. It might be a little cooler in the water “I mean.. we’re close enough to walk” “what? no like.. a real beach with real girls and not rich losers that wont touch the sand.” “ NO, no way, by the time we get there it’ll be sunset, no chance” “What if I let you drive?” Lenora offered, knowing full well Sonya had taken quite a liking to her little car. Sonya looked down at her feet and made a small motion of false-shyness “Maaaaaaaybe I’ll consider it” “And I’ll buy you Taco Bell” “Okay okay I’m sold. Get in the car.” Lenora made a small fist-pump action and got into the passenger side, tossing Sonya the key. Sonya started up the car and backed out of the parking lot, with a lot more care and precision than Lenora (who had been driving for two years longer) could ever dream of showing. “Hey, maybe on the way you can tell me about this mysterious greaser you’re so infatuated with” Sonya slammed hard on the brake “WHAT… where did you hear about that?!?!?” “The grapevine… duh.” “What fucking grapevine?” “Just y’know… the grapevine. Don’t worry about it” “How can I not worry about that?” “Just drive the car, dumbass. I’ll get you two baja blasts if you shut up and drive” “uuuugh fine” Sonya put her foot on the gas and continued to speed out of Old Bullworth Vale, slowing only to press play on whatever CD Lenora had in the stereo, beside her Lenora laughed, pushed her sunglasses back down onto her nose and lit up her blunt. Reluctantly, after much yelling from Sonya, she rolled down a window to avoid hotboxing her younger friend. Off they drove, in search of both a beach, and a Taco Bell. Ahhh, summer nights.

[f0point5]

Hi! My (maybe controversial) opinions:

Norris doesnt have the mentality for a championship battle. Its the reason mclaren wont give their full support, I think you also posted the last 8 races points and its clear that Piastri has been stronger. The stats that Lando could not hold any of his poles till lap 2. I think Oscar is going to overtake him in the standings in the second half of the season.

They need to get rid of Checo. He is a liability at this point. And the only sensible replacement is Riccardo. Putting in someone new who will see this as their only chance to show off their talent could backfire.

Redbull got comfortable. Their strategies are terrible, they cant adapt to the fact that they are not the fastest anymore. The pittstops have also been slow. Where are the sub 2s? Or at least 2,2-2,3? Right now the usual is 2,6-7. They cost positions with the lost time.

And I oop.

Interesting take on McLaren. One I hadn’t considered. I honestly think that where Lando is is equal to where McLaren is as a team - not ready to step up with the plate, and outclassed by their own car. The same way Lando seems to struggle with mentality, I think McLaren does, too. But you know what, I never considered that a lot of that might be dictated by what Andrea is seeing in Lando and that’s something to think about. He may be thinking “yeah he’s not ready for a title fight, there’s no point taking risks to put him there when he will shatter up there anyway. Let’s try to consolidate what we have and see where we can get him for next year”. If anything I do think that’s coming from Andrea, not Yak Brown who i think is full on delusional.

I don’t think Oscar will overtake Lando in points by the end of the year. But I think he may well overtake him in terms of public opinion. I think there’s a real possibility that Oscar ends the year looking like the McLaren driver who shined.

Agree that Checo has to go. He was a legitimate hindrance to Max yesterday and he hasn’t been a help since 2022. They can’t fix the car immediately but if they want a hole at salvaging the constructors then they need to fix the checo problem. And there’s no chance they can put Liam in a red bull. He will be useless in that tractor and putting him next to Max as a rookie would run him into the ground.

I have no idea what’s gone on at Red Bull. I don’t think it’s a matter of comfort, but there’s some disconnect between what they want to do and what they’re able to do. People don’t just forget how to do their jobs. On strategy, I do think it’s a matter of them not knowing what to expect from the car. They very rarely seem to get to the race knowing what Max can handle, so they make a strategy based on one thing and then the goalposts move. I just think they are taking a while to adjust to being in the trenches, and I think morale is very low over there. They’re a team that thrives on success rather than competition, I think.

[ericstoltz]

life update!!

i finally have some free time and havent properly posted something in so long so i thought id write up something!

first of all i want to say that ive successfully fixed my bingewatch problem in late january!! i hate to say it, but seeing how many movies i saw last year in my letterboxd wrapped really concerned me 🫤 i wanted to make an effort to make use of my time properly (after starting a new job and all) and i thought i wont let myself waste time bingeing horrible b-movies just so i can bump up the percent watched in someones filmography (its kinda tricky doing it so i made a resolution to only watch movies which interests me if i want to see more of someone)

with that said, i ended up not watching anything on weekdays and eventually think that staring at my phone for more than an hour wasnt my thing anymore (at least in the context of doing it EVERYDAY). so that may be one of the reasons why the turnaround for my hyperfixations got slower (which i think is good!).

ALSO, i do want to mention that because ive been watching less films recently i initially thought it would be great for my gif making hobby since i wont feel the pressure of wanting to gif so many movies at one sitting. i tried this in early feb and.. well... lets just say that it takes time for my very old laptop to make gifs (i had it since college during the pandemic so it was really used!). i only screen record scenes i want to gif because i hate having to wait to download AND even if i had hq clips it would take my laptop so long to render. so making something lq and having to wait 30mins just for a single gif wasnt doing it for me (bcs i said i wanted to make more use of my time).. so thats the reason why i havent posted anything lately (I REALLY REALLY wanted to make a gifset of josh whitehouse in valley girl but the quality just ended up stressing me 🫠)

and for my last update, as u can tell from my reblogs on queue, i just saw daisy jones and the six and LOVE josh whitehouse and he really got me playing the guitar again 😭😭 (i still think its a miracle!!!). ive been practicing some old pieces i used to perform when i was in high school during my 5-9's and i just had a bizzare idea of getting into the piano. i only ever played classical before, so i always had a problem doing improvs. i spent some time looking at videos on youtube and found out improvs on the piano were waay easier to play and understand, so im gonna buy a keyboard very very soon (which im so excited for)!!!! learning how to do jazz improvs on keys would probably be my new hobby and making gifs would probably be back until i get a new laptop (which at the moment is very low priority 🥲)

SO THERES THAT! Now heres an audit trail of my jan-feb hyperfixations!

still on a tom blyth high since late december 2023

dom sessa: after watching the holdovers (seriously this time)

sam claflin: i wanted to get out of the coriolanus blackhole so i ended up reading finnick odair fics 😭😭 i found out he was the lead in daisy jones and the six so i watched that! my hyperfixation didnt last tho!! i have love rosie on my watchlist but got side tracked bcs of... *drum roll*

JOSH WHITEHOUSE -i find it crazy how most of my hyperfixations are englishmen. but yes. my sweet pookie. i love him. i will try not to talk much bcs if i start i wont stop. but tldr i didnt binge his filmography so i was on his youtube channel for quite some time and spent 15mins a day there... thats maybe the reason i got into playing the guitar again? love his music videos AND love how he plays flamenco. i play classical on the guitar and am a tarrèga girl so i never bothered to learn flamenco (tarrèga hated it) . but knowing just that made me want to at least remember some pieces i used to play just so i can play again... THEN i found out he has a new movie coming up with...

malcolm mcrae: ngl his pretty face caught my eye (special shoutout to anya! literally the power couple)... my first thoughts were like 'ohh i wonder what his character is like in triton'. but then i found out hes in a band SO i was thinking ok hes in a movie w josh so theres probably gonna be something music in it. i then looked up his band and love their songs!! theyre only a duo which i think is p strong (u dont need that many ppl in a band rly!) and i watched some interviews they had too!

KANE RITCHOTTE: my babygirl. my darling. idk what to say abt him. his songs with malcolm are always so magical. ive been playing gods in the details on repeat since early feb. hes my favorite more* member. the literal musical god. im praying hell sing more songs. ALSO i was suprised he did a cameo in daisy jones and the six with malcolm (they were the one who taught some of them how to play their instruments!! i was in awe bcs malcolm was the literal billy dune. LIKE sam claflin really copied his playing style which is so neat!!)

thats all!! thanks so much if uve read up until this point ily and pls lmk what uve been up to as well 🫶

take care <3

[indigo474]

july 26th

i saw 3 cardinals today THREE- 2 of them while I was screaming singing a song about angels. I also saw 2 Lamborghinis-showoffs and 2 Porsches- the thing about personalized license plates is people remember. Today was one of those days that felt like a lifetime and its not even over yet. I'm getting ready for our trip and i don't know if I could/ can be more excited. i'm not scared- nervous- but very very excited. is this really my life? never in a million years did I ever think I would be taking a trip like this. it doesn't seem real to me. Madison is starting to get a little funny about the cost of everything- really? she is the cheapest thriftiest person I know. the worse person in the world to go shopping with. she has a FAT bank account. my daughter treats me good and I couldn't be more thankful for her. a few weeks ago when I was going through it - she knew and made me dinner. in the last 2 days she ate 39 uncrustables- she was complaining she was bloated.. I guess so.

So, James switched up my gym routine- I talked to him again about it. About the anxiety - he never says much- we went over the Smith machine, I told him I was watching videos. I go to the gym today..I didn't do my full workout but I did do the smith machine- I sent James a picture because that's the joke- take a picture or it didn't happen. he messaged me back - i'm proud of you- you're so brave. I think I did it totally wrong but I did it. and his message made me feel totally seen and it touched my soul. I've been thinking a lot about being seen and what that means- being seen and heard- it's so important- honestly I was pretty shocked my James' response because he doesn't say much. Work is work- i'm pretty much on my own- my direct report is MIA and has loosened the reins. we still try to meet weekly but those meetings have changed in nature- its less about how to manage my team and more of me saying I need you to do this or that- mostly HR stuff or things that need to be approved in regards to schedule changes. lucky for my team my direct report does not like write ups. I have tried.i have presented her with actual write ups - she wont approve them. she "Let" me write up one person. its actually bizarre. she kind of just brushes things aside. for the most part I have a good group so its not an issue - i'll tell her about so and so and she'll tell me to gather the info and present it to her but when I do she has a problem with it- and not the kind of problem that I can fix- the last one was a written warning and she said she didn't like the wording - I didn't make up the wording- that's the wording the company uses- I just added the instances. she sits there and chews on her thumb nail and makes faces and nothing gets done. We had a meet and greet for the new hires- Its my least favorite thing in the world- telling a room full of people about myself-yuck. I know its coming- I knew it would be on tuesday. i'm feeling confident- I debated on whether or not to bring my index card with my bullet points- I decided to bring it. the new hires introduce themselves -thankfully I was the first to go. my index cards says slow down. .. I felt like I did a good job. the next day Drew made a point to tell me what a good job I did. it was nice to hear because it's not something that comes easy for me. I have to try to do a good job. its also one of those things that I never had to do and certainly never ever thought I would be doing- I don't necessary like Drew but I do respect him. YAY me. My lead Christine got me so angry last week.

[astrobiche]

Astro notes 6 ~ callout edition~ 🗣️

Yall already know the drill : take what resonates as this is a generalization and the whole chart matters. If you can't take a roasting, pls scroll away 🧚

My sag mercury virgo mars won't hold back so it could sting 🐝

• Aries placements, what's with you and making plans to hang out when you know damn well you'll never follow through with them? also can you SLOW DOWN? You wanna get 289283 things done when you dont even know how to begin anything properly yet, so impatient you try to give everyone else a headache when you already got one, deal with that first then get on with making plans and shit 🤨

• taurus placements, the world isn't gonna be out to get you if you share personal information or your aspirations. Also, stop complaining about homework and daydreamig about marrying rich as a coping mechanism for when you're behind on all the stuff you gotta do 🤨

• gemini placements, we know you're smart, you don't need to argue with the teacher about that theorem to prove you can outsmart them. I know you got all the tea on everyone but you don't like it when people got tea on you? 🤨 also when will you finally realize you talk too much? And you know you wont die if you dont flirt for fun right? Right?

• cancer placements, for the love of god, use another word besides "i feel like/i feel that/ feeling" for when you want to express yourself. Also can you stick to something and not wake up the next day hating that hobby you claimed you loved the day before? And in case you're wondering, yes it is manipulation if you're playing with their feelings and being "nice" just to get them to do something for you. Also get ur ass out of bed jeez. 🤨

• leo placements, you can't just adopt all the cats in the world. I know its hard but you gotta practice some restraint. Also, nobody needs to reply to your text right away? They're not necessarily disrespecting you. You can say you don't like attention all you want but we all know you secretly enjoy it, and flash news : not everyone is jealous of you, the world doesn't revolve around you 🤨

• virgo placements, baby calm down it will be just fine i know you worry all the time, i know every time you see a situation/person you try to fix them but you REALLY don't have to. And can you not be so condescending? The way you talk as if you know everything better than everyone ain't it chief 🤨 and i know you dream about becoming a CEO or get a high position job so bad because you believe you have the power to make the best decisions and you'll get a paid for criticizing everything and everyone hmm

• libra placements, that bag is SO cute but if you keep buying every pretty thing you see in the store, you'll go broke in no time. Also, can you slow down on watching all those makeup tutorials and dreaming about ~the perfect relationship~? And why do you wanna be a scorpio so bad? You also get so irritated when someone copies you as if you didnt base your entire personality off of that one classy character from that netflix show? Make it make sense 🤨

• scorpio placements (dominants especially), you don't have to hide all the time and push people away when they're trying to get you to open up, it's healthy to talk about your problems. And black isn't the only color that exists y'know? You wanna be mysterious so bad like pack it up water sign we know you're spilling all your cherished secrets to a stranger online at 2am 🤨

• sag placements, you love challenges right? I have the perfect one for you : *drumroll* #make up your mind challenge! See it through and you win a trip to europe. And have you ever considered maybe just maybe there's probably no deep meaning to that little trip to the grocery store? And for the love of god, pay attention to your surroundings and stop knocking over every object you walk past. i know sagittarius rules thighs so what do you do? You use them to run away from your problems 🏇 they're gonna be waiting for you no matter how far you're travelling buddy 🤨

• cap placements can YOU STOP TAKING EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY? jeez also its fine to ask for help, its not humiliating i promise. you pack everything down and lock it up until all the pent up emotions just explode out of nowhere, it's honestly scary 😟 you claim to be all professional but deep down you wish someone would just give you a hug and baby you so cut the act 😐 also you can be so rigid?! It's fine if you switch things up a little from time to time. And sorry not sorry, you don't get enough shit for being two faced 🤨

• aquarius placements, i know you keep talking about how leos seek attention 24/7 as if you dont crave the same thing?? You'll die if your friends dont listen to your advice or check up on you, also you probably didnt know this but listening to mainstream songs wont make you lose cool points 🤨 and here's a new concept for you when you get mad : ~communicate~ instead of giving people the cold shoulder, leaving them wondering what they did wrong. You've been having that song on loop for the past 5 days i think your ears are about to sue you bruh 😟 also we gotta work on that god complex and inferiority complex? Like damn pick a struggle 🤨

• pisces placements, you weren't born to save them okay? Know when to walk away. And it's not good for you to indulge in every new little thing you stumble upon. And for once can you admit you're wrong 🤨 you always act like you're a victim and everyone else is ~evil~ 👹 here consider this : maybe it's your fault? Also you're mad scary when you get mad like damn the fact nobody sees it coming is what makes it so chilling 😟 i know you wanna keep living in lalaland and use any means to get there *wink* but bruh you gotta come back to earth and learn to distinguish fantasy from reality, stop trying to drown pain in liquor and go to therapy if needed 🤨

[ultramaga]

Only downside is that the companions voices can be quiet or silent during scenes, which is a nuisance, but no big deal if you have played a lot. It's a solid mod. "mods that extend the border or build limit for settlements because there’s a chance it’ll break your settler’s AI and they’ll just wander to bunkerhill or to another random settlement" Not if they're employed? I have used this since release and not had a problem.

Settler AI borks anyway, the engine has a lot of problems and every mod makes it worse. It's like a leaking steam engine trying to power a train up a hill. Sometimes it goes backwards, sometimes it explodes, sometimes Todd Howard says it just works.

SKK goes into detail, but the reason the scripting fails is because the whole thing barely copes without mods. It was always just 'good enough'.

Modders can't fix an engine level problem without rewriting the executable, although to an extent they have been doing just that. It's a grey area legally and it is also a potential security risk. But there's really no way around it if you use mods. Of course, the recent patch has broken a lot of mods, so I have no idea if this can work for new players, but I don't play the patched game.

I don't know if you can even buy it legally. Seems crazy that Gog can't legally sell the version that is compatible with 99% of mods, but I am sure Todd has his reasons.

One thing that will prevent the npc from standing at their post during working hours is if the navmesh is borked, and you can get that from a lot of different causes, but otherwise I never see an issue, even in vault-88. The problem there is more that everyone gets stuck in a corridor.

In fact, it's more the reverse. The settlers barely use the majority of the settlement. Bethesda figured out how to extend settlement boundaries, but had no clue how to make NPCs take advantage of them. Also see:

Hey, I just started playing Fallout 4 for the first time. Can you share your mod list? Or at least a few cool ones?

Ohhhh thou hast not known what thou has wrought

I’ll make a proper list with links tomorrow (I just got snuggled in my bed and I will not return to laptop land until 7am) but some names off the top of my head are Forest, which is an overhaul that adds a lot of trees, it makes the commonwealth more green but not in the way that’s over the top, Sim Settlements (there’s two versions I like the old one) which helps you make building shop/homes and settlements easier by adding premade bits. (Normally I would recommend transfer settlement blueprints here but that mod author is currently very hard at work re-creating it because the last update fucked over their entire code) Everyone’s Best Friend, this lets you take Dogmeat with you and a companion of choice, (there’s a mod that has tee party in the title that lets you take more than one companion with you, do not get it. It will break your game and you will not be able to fix it)

I have a few overhauls that I’ll put in the big list tomorrow (I have more mods than what is good for me) one of them makes wild animals and gunners non-aggressive (unless you piss them off) and there’s one that affects the lighting and doesn’t destroy your fps. And I have two for sanctuary that I really love that change it in a way that’s still lore friendly. I can’t remember what it’s called but there’s the one that has a bunch of new fauna including but not limited to a giant hermit crab that was using the back of a van as it shell that genuinely frightened me today. I always side with the Minutemen and Railroad so almost all of my faction mods have to do with them but I’ll also add them tomorrow if you feel like going down the same route.

There’s the cheat terminal but I wouldn’t recommend that for a first playthrough, I need you to experience the authenticity of hunting down every desk fan you can find anon

And before I forget don’t get mods that extend the border or build limit for settlements because there’s a chance it’ll break your settler’s AI and they’ll just wander to bunkerhill or to another random settlement and stay there, breaking any quests that involve them

[aquato-family-circus]

i was watching some review channel that was saying that cassies level was a "weaker" level and im like... first off the level design is one of the most GORGEOUS imho but i was also thinking about the meaning

cause the guy basically thought it was weak because "shes a writer = book level" which is the WILDEST thing to me

like yeah everyones level is based on what is at their core, but cassies level has so much good stuff within the library

1. The projections act as escapism for any given issue she's having. she has her "tough gal" persona to slip into and dissociate from how awful her life was at the time etc.

2. her mental projection of ALL the psychic 6 (7), because while she wasn't as close with some of them, she thinks the idea of all of them being together is important

3. Who is Teacher cassie? We know why Librarian, Money laundering, and Writer cassie came to be, but Teacher cassie doesn't have a direct in-game explanation (at least that i recall, mightve missed it)

this is me speculating, but i think cassie taught herself english through the various library sections. starting with kids books, then textbooks and classic lit. She used books as escapism into other worlds and absorbed from them inspiration to leave her situation by writing a book herself.

i think that her greatest asset for a long time was her love of books/stories/escapism (or "compartmentalizing") and to her detriment when the Problem Cannot be Solved. It's fine for her to escape for a little while, it gives her ideas to use next time she's back to being "real cassie"! but she couldn't fix fords mind, or helmut being gone, or the psychic 6 (7) splitting up, so library cassie comes to be. Librarian cass goes ignores the past, dissociating from the bad things which happened to keep cassie "safe". So Cassie blissfully tries to get the gulch ready for everyone to return, not thinking about the fact that they wont, which would hurt! lets think of the good old days instead and get ready for more! And in terms of ignoring problems, it worked for 20 years, showing how deeply Cassie can separate her identities and experiencing them.

Cassie doesn't have a problem if she logs it and shuts it away!

Anyway this got long but i was pissy that cassies level wasnt "deep" enough for some youtuber.

your pissiness is valid bc she has a wonderful level and you did a real good job at giving it the credit it deserves

Cassie teaching herself english is a very nice headcanon & I like that a lot for tying into the teacher archetype! Especially bc if I remember right, during the Diebrarian boss fight you can hear dialogue abt how she's never actually been a teacher nor a librarian.

Teacher archetype manifesting for her own benefit to learn something as complicated as a new language? Fits!

She clearly has a very rich inner world and probably a very good memory for retaining all the literature she's read bc its important to read a lot if you want to write :]

[wakeupfreanz]

The Inner Child Speaks 🔑PAC Reading🔑

I swear I'm not really a pac kind of reader, but I will never ignore the call of the universe. Be advised that this reading might be emotional for some of you, choose a pile that resonates. Many blessings. None of the images are gender specific, truly pick whichever calls to you.

Pile 1: KnoW, 5oP, Justice, 7oC

Pile 2: PoC, 7oS, Death, KoW

Overall: AoP

Messages: Heart Chakra, "It's going to be okay", Overthinking.

"I feel like you shut me out sometimes." "I don't know if you like to hear me sometimes." This pile has a lot of strained feelings when it comes to connecting with themselves. Like you're trying to break off parts of yourself, ashamed of who you once were. There are probably some capricorn and pisces moons here. A lot of you are very quick to police and shut yourself up when it comes to expressing yourself. Like you didn't feel seen or heard so your first assumption is that nobody cares or wants to know, so you tend to just do the job yourself instead of be set up to feel hurt.

Your inner child is saying that it's okay for you to relax and chase things you like. This pile made me get really tear for you, because you tend to stomach so much and quietly carry your burdens without saying you need help. You'd collapse first without asking for help. Your inner child is telling you that we don't have to keep pushing and struggling through. We aren't climbing the mountain anymore. You're so worried that if we stop pushing forward that it's all going to fall apart, it doesn't make sense anymore. You're so scared of being betrayed that you have your defense and guard up constantly.

You might be a person of a more timid/quiet nature in truth, but you walk in the room and try to appear intimidating so nobody will mess with you. Your inner child is asking to be hear, stop trying to cut them away and detach yourself. Listen to them, understand them, hear them. They are you, they aren't a gum wrapped that's thrown away and never seen again. Your inner child is proud of who you are now and how far you've come, but it hurts them that you're trying so hard to forget that they ever existed.

Some of you in this pile might struggle with showing and receiving love and compassion. It feels like a lot of you might be the oldest in your family, you were made to be a caretaker before you knew how to take care of yourself.

_

Pile 1: 10oC, PoW, Moon, 5oS

Pile 2: Lovers, 7oC, 5oW, QoW

Overall: World rev

Messages: "It's going to be okay", "You hurt me", Overthinking.

There are some libra and aries placements in this pile. Your inner child is hurting when it comes to love and relationships. Almost as if you weren't given enough love or attention and it wounds you still today. Many of you may find yourselves overcompensating in all sorts of relationships because you believe that if you don't do enough they'll stop caring or loving you.

A good bunch of you in this pile when it comes to romantic relationships may find yourself trying to compensate for love you didn't receive in other relationships, especially in romantic. Partners to fill in parental roles, friends who will take care of you more than healthier platonic boundaries sometimes. Your inner child is telling you that the end of relationships isn't forever. Romantically, you can only bring yourself so much fulfillment in life. A good marriage isn't going to be the end of your life, you don't have to dedicate your entire being to someone because you feel like it could fix you. Your inner child and your past childhood tells me that you were very often confused. Some of you may have been very attached to some of your teachers in the past because they reflected or were similar to one of the caretakers in your life, or somewhat felt like they filled in the role of the one who could have been absent. Whether physically or emotionally.

Your inner child is asking you to stop fighting with them, stop fighting with others. It's hard to let go but what is yours will return to you and what must go should flow with the rest of time. Many of you in this pile may have more proclivity to emotional openness or being extroverted. You might be like the class clown or the funny friend. Your inner child is asking you to understand that there is so much more to life.

_

Pile 1: 10oC, WOF, KoP, 3oP

Pile 2: AoW, QoC, 8oP, 2oP

Overall: Star

Messages: Heart over Mind, Throat Chakra, Strength/Bravery

Those of you in this pile might struggle with headaches or migraines. Some of you might have a divorced family. Maybe some of you had parents of whom it felt as if you were the parent or had to handle much of the family business despite your youth.

Your inner child is asking you to speak to them. Many of you in this pile were often called "mature" for your age when you were younger. There is a lot of middle child energy. The independent one, the one that nobody had to worry about because they function very well independently. You often hold it together and walk along the fence easily through conflict. The problem is when it comes to you communicating how you feel to others, very strongly. You often feel like there truly might be no one that understands your problems or will listen long enough to get them.

You might feel as if you come off as monotone or boring, you often choose apathy as your coping mechanism because it's much easier for you not to feel much or look like you're feeling much from the outside. There are a couple of scorpio and gemini placements around here.

Your inner child is sending you much love and strength. They're saying that you won't end up like those around you and to stop worrying about it. You often might think or say to yourself "when i get married/have a family/get older, i wont be like them." Be reassured that you will not be. You are not doomed to the same fate that those around you are or might have done to themselves. Continue to work hard because you will make it. However your inner child is also telling you that you don't have to be so rigid and stick in the mud all the time. Please do not forget how to smile and enjoy yourself. Many of you might still have some bitterness and resentment for those who raised/were around you. Forgive them not just for them, but so you are open to receive that you are deserved. Blessings.

Some of you are much more like the father/dad friend rather than the mom friend. You often find strength in loyalty and taking care of those you deem worthy of it.

_

Pile 1: AoS, 9oP, 8oS, KnoS

Pile 2: KnoP rev, 9oP, KoS, AoW

Overall: 3oP

Messages: Identify, "It's going to be okay", Growth, Throat Chakra

"Please get to know me." Aquarius, Leo, and a few cancer placements here. Many of you in this pile might remember much of your childhood if at all, as if you've blocked it out of your memory consciously/unconsciously.

Some of you in this pile still feel like you're a kid at times, like you're not mature enough or equipped to handle anything in your life that happens. Like you're trapped on a merry go round and are forced just to go and watch what happens.

Your inner child is asking you to look back and understand who they are, who you are. You might have been so preoccupied with others that you might not have ever gotten the chance to really understand and develop your own identity. You might often find yourself spacing out and not noticing it, and generally avoid going through your emotions. So when they happen, they hit you like a freight train. Those closest to you might truly not know how to reach you because you're afraid of expressing yourself at all, even in private.

Many of you in this pile might struggle with self love and often bring yourself down. You might experience little bursts of enjoying yourself but they are generally very short lived. Your inner child is asking you to release your quietly pessimistic view on life and the world and be not afraid to explore it and try new things. Some of you in this pile are insanely intelligent but truly refuse to believe it. Some of you also may often argue with those who raised you. It's okay to not always know where to go or have a plan set out like everyone else. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Some of you also struggle with depression and may often take very long depression naps.

_

*TW for mentions of substance use and abuse in this pile.*

Pile 1: 3oS, Devil, PoP, 7oP

Pile 2: Fool, 10oW, AoC, 9oW

Overall: Star

Messages: Plan of Action, Shadow Side, Get Serious

I'm feeling strong leo placements for this pile. Some virgo placements too. For some of you, substance use/addiction might be in your family line. Some of you right now might use substances as a coping mechanism.

Some of you might have been or took witness to physical or emotional abuse in your youth in addition to this. Some of you here might have also been sickly as a child, constant colds, flu, fever, etc.

For many of you here, humor is also a big way for you to cope with some of the things that you experienced. You might not know how to stop joking, even when you're upset. Some of you struggle with bitterness toward the world and those around you.

Your inner child was not very talkative when I tapped into your energy. By nature you may be very introverted and quiet, some of you struggle with social anxiety and getting to know others.

Your inner child just wants to hug you and tell you that there is always a new day tomorrow. There is always a better place to go, a better place to be, better people to be around. There will be people who will teach you how to give and receive love, despite how painful it will be for you to unlearn old ideals imparted upon you. Many of you with traumas only speak of them to others who understand or have experienced similar things.

It will be hard to accept, but your inner child is asking you to reverse your self hatred and understand you are a gift to this world. There is beauty in life that will find you all around. Please be nicer to yourself. I'm sending a lot of love to this pile, you do not have to be the spokesperson or representative of everything you go through and have been through. Facing your shadow and understanding it is one step at a time, you are not broken person.

_

[akitokihojo]

Monster - Chapter 10

chapter index

Hello I have returned. Have the next chapter.

CW: grooming

Also, please note that I have officially changed the rating of the story on AO3 and FF.net regarding *future* chapter(s). And don't act like y'all don't even know why. :)

-------

“I can’t believe that actually worked.” Kagome mentioned amusedly, walking a few feet behind her half demon companion.

“I told you it would. I can’t believe you tested out the sharpness on your thumb.” Inuyasha sarcastically sneered with an irritated roll of his eyes, his head slightly bobbing to the side.

“I didn’t test it out, and you know it.” Kagome half laughed - half sighed. “I just wanted to see the job Totosai did. It was super sharp!”

“Yeah, no fucking kidding, huh? I’m not sure if you know this, though, but you see things with your eyes.”

“It was an accident, you butt.”

“Will you hurry up and fix your tits so I can take a look at your cut already?” He pressed heatedly, intentionally keeping ahead of her.

Kagome had been wrestling with the lacing of her bodice for a few minutes now; ever since they left the inn. They were finally outside of the village and wandering through the forest, but it was a little tricky to get her breasts in order while keeping a steady pace behind Inuyasha. That, and finagling the strings with one less thumb so she wouldn’t get blood on her clothing.

“You know, now that you mention it, you haven’t looked at me since I tightened my bodice up. What’s up with that?” Kagome questioned, holding the loosened garment an inch away from her chest to try and shake her breasts down a little. No good. Not loose enough yet. She really went to town this time.

“You want me to?” He countered with a brazened tone.

“I mean, it’s not that I want you to. I don’t necessarily care one way or the other.”

“I’m trying to be respectful.”

“It was your idea for me to objectify myself, Inuyasha.”

“So? That’s different. It was Totosai objectifying you, and it served a purpose. You got your shit for free. It worked. Now put them away.”

“I’m trying! They wont work with me.” She laughed. It was honestly funny that he was so stiff ahead of her, so insistent to avoid looking at her.

“How bad is your thumb?”

“Eh, not too bad. It’s dripping down my hand, though.”

“Goddamn it, Kagome!” He ground out exasperatedly.

“Just turn around, oh my god.” Kagome laughed again, shaking her head.

“No.”

“You act like you won’t have anything else to look at if you do. Like, I don’t know, my eyes? Or, maybe even my thumb?”

“Fix your tits.”

“My nipples aren’t showing. It’s just a bit of cleavage.”

“I’m serious.”

“So, am I. My nipples really aren’t showing.”

“Oh my fucking god.”

“Ah! Inuyasha, it’s going down my forearm!” Kagome commented in a panicked tone, readjusting the way she held her arm as she quickly yanked her sleeve back so her blood wouldn’t stain.

Quickly, Inuyasha spun around, but he abruptly stopped before he could even reach for her hand, amber eyes landing on her chest and then hastily shooting up to her face. She watched his cheeks change colors, three shades of red appearing just beneath his eyes before he glared and turned back around to keep walking.

“Hey!”

“Fix ‘em.”

“Are you afraid of boobs, Inuyasha?” God, she was trying so hard not to laugh right now. She’d never seen anyone as flustered as he was now, and it was extremely difficult not to poke fun at him. “Is that what’s happening? Do my breasts intimidate you?”

“Kagome, don’t think I’m opposed to leaving you here alone until you fix your wardrobe malfunction.”

“You wouldn’t.” She stated plainly with a shrug he didn’t see.

“Oh, fuck you. Yes, I would.”

“And, leave me defenseless with a bleeding thumb and my tits out for all to take advantage of?” Obviously, that was a joke, but despite the lighthearted tone, she knew it would grind Inuyasha’s gears. He stopped walking and she heard the deep, hot inhale through his nose, literally watching his fingers furl into fists. It didn’t take a genius to know that he desperately wanted to leave her just to prove a point, but he couldn’t because there really was the possibility that she’d be an easy target.

“Go ahead,” Kagome laughed defeatedly, stopping behind him. “Say it.”

“Fuck you.” He huffed out through clenched teeth. “You’re manipulative.”

“Is there anyway I can kindly manipulate you into maybe helping me?” She almost mumbled, staring down at her chest while she struggled with one hand now.

“Kagome, what!?” Inuyasha lolled his head dramatically.

“I never realized how much I needed my thumbs for this. It was a struggle at first, but since I’m dripping now, I’m down to one hand entirely. I need help.”

“My help!?”

“Do you speak squirrel? Maybe you can get one of those guys to do it - yes, you’re help!” Kagome fired. “Stop being a sissy and just turn around. I promise my breasts wont bite you.”

“I hate you. I hate you so much right now.” He murmured, sliding his heel around in the dirt to face her. His golden eyes drifted around, never landing on her at all. They went from the right, above her, back to the right, then all the way over her and to the left.

“God, Inuyasha, I’m not asking you to grope me! Start from the bottom and pull this string.” Kagome waited a moment, observing Inuyasha’s discomfort, his blush, his tense stance. With a groan beneath her breath, she rolled her eyes again. “Would you feel better if I covered my cleavage?”

“I’m not sure.” He admitted.

“Fine, I’ll just do it, myself. But, stop for a minute. It’s even harder to do while walking.” Kagome conceded with a sigh. She turned around so Inuyasha would hopefully be more comfortable, pulling her sleeve as far back over her elbow as it would go to struggle with her lacing again with a little less risk of a mess. She continued on grumbling, “I don’t know what you’re problem is, though. I know damn well you’ve seen boobs before. Don’t act like mine aren’t nice. Mine are perfectly nice.”

With a feisty huff, Inuyasha gave in, giving her what she wanted with a little taste of her own medicine.

“Fine,” He grunted, grabbing her shoulder and yanking her around. Kagome unsuspectingly stood there, shocked, eyes wide as he flicked her hands away from her bodice. Inuyasha worked from the bottom up, yanking the strings loose as her body jostled slightly from the force of his movements. “Yes, your tits are nice. Is that what you want to hear? That’s not the problem though. You’re not someone I’m trying to hit and quit. You’re Kagome. I was being respectful. I refuse to make you feel objectified or uncomfortable.“ Finally loose enough, Inuyasha grabbed it from the top and wiggled her chest back and forth so her breasts would fall back into their proper place. Then, he went right back to tightening it up properly, going by how they usually looked as he pulled the strings taut, again her body jostling back and forth with his motions. “But, you just think it’s so funny, don’t you? You’re such a fucking brat sometimes, I swear. Well, fine. You want my help? You got it.” Inuyasha declared, quickly tying off the ends of the strings, and giving the top plush of her tits a finishing pat.

Kagome stared at him, stunned. There was a partial smile on her mouth, but it hung open, the heat of her face bubbling and bright. Inuyasha took in her blush, how it was taking forever to process what the fuck had just happened, and he cocked an arrogant smirk at the embarrassment he’d caused her to swim in.

“How’s it feel?” He asked smugly.

“I deserved that.” She remarked, trying to pinch her lips into a straight set line so she wouldn’t laugh. She hadn’t seen that coming. Not at all. “The - uh - the boob tap was a nice touch. No pun intended.”

There was a moment where he inhaled slowly, eyes blinking closed as his brows furrowed and creased deeply, but he couldn’t hold it. The both of them started laughing hysterically, his own coming out as a sort of snort from how hard he’d tried to bite the reaction back.

“Fuck, I can’t stand you!” He laughed, planting the palm of his hand on his forehead before sloppily dragging his silver bangs away.

“I’m sorry! I just didn’t expect to be manhandled by you!” Kagome had slightly doubled over from how funny it was. Anyone else, and she would have punched their lights out. But, this was Inuyasha. And, he went from zero to a hundred real freaking quick. It was both surprising and hilarious at the same time.

“How fucking old is that bodice? Why did I have to put so much effort into such a small thing?” Inuyasha stressed.

“Pretty old.” She giggled, testing the flexibility of his job. Honestly, it was nearly perfect. A smidgen tighter than she liked it, but not at all something she couldn’t live with. “I wear it all the time so it fits better to my body, but I’ve had to replace the lacing a few times already. I might be due for new strings. These ones like to stick in the holes and it makes it harder to pull loose - I know.”

“You’d better hope that thing doesn’t rip right off of you in the heat of battle.” He chuckled.

“Shh, don’t say that.” Kagome hushed. “You’ll jinx me.”

“Let me see your cut, you fucking idiot.” Inuyasha wagged his fingers to usher her hand over, taking it to inspect the small nick closely. It really was fucking tiny. How the fuck was it bleeding so much? “Turn around.”

Kagome pursed her lips and did as instructed, letting Inuyasha pull the drawstring of her bag loose and wriggle something free. With his clutch on the sack, her twisted her back to face him, opening up the canteen of water and slowly pouring some on the little laceration.

“Seriously, how did you even do this?”

“I don’t even know. I think my grip on the arrowhead just kind of slipped and I accidentally cut myself.”

“I can’t take you anywhere. You’re so fucking clumsy, it’s annoying.”

“Catch me, I’m swooning.” Kagome sarcastically remarked at his abrasive words with a playful roll of her eyes.

The corners of Inuyasha’s lips inched upward as he handed her the canteen to hold in her free hand, reaching into his pocket. The hanyou pulled out an off-white handkerchief, unfolding it before her with a little flick.

“Is that a flower on the corner? Inuyasha, I didn’t take you as a floral kind of guy.” Kagome giggled teasingly.

“Ha-ha.” He sneered. “A harlot gave it to me.”

“When?” Kagome hadn’t had the opportunity to hold back the rise in her tone before the word slipped off her tongue. It was shocked, and defensive, and almost territorial. Immediately, as she realized how she’d sounded, she fixed her expression and shut her mouth.

Inuyasha arched a brow, resisting the reflex to smirk. He didn’t take Kagome as the jealous type, but he’d caught it. No matter how quickly she’d adjusted herself and shifted her eyes away. Not to mention, there was a slightly embarrassed flush on her cheeks.

“Before I met you.” He said, finally letting himself smile, though it was smug as all hell. He could feel it. “We didn’t fuck.”

“Oh, that’s not it.” Kagome hastily reassured, giving a dramatic, one-shouldered shrug. “I was just a little surprised because I didn’t see you talk to anybody, so I was like ‘wow, when did another woman approach’, right? Because, like, I was right next to you most of the time, except for, like, when I went downstairs to the tavern to eat, but I highly doubt you would have snuck someone in then. Of course, even if you did, that’s none of my business. But, it was just, when we were shopping in the market avenue, we were right next to each other the whole time, so, like, I was just shocked because, wow, I didn’t see anything, so if it happened, it had to be super stealthy. I was just surprised, is all, but if it happened before we even met, then that makes a lot more sense. It’s actually a really pretty handkerchief.”

Good lord, she rambled when she was flustered. Inuyasha shrugged his brows, sighing deeply as he ignored her, taking the corner of the cloth between his teeth and ripping a long portion off.

“And, now it’s not.” Kagome deadpanned.

“Will you shut up already?” Inuyasha grumbled, wrapping the torn away length of cloth around her thumb to tie securely. “There. You’re gonna make it.”

“Thanks, doc.” She said with a cute pout.

Inuyasha’s ear flicked as he took the canteen to shove back in her bag, stopping for a moment to analyze the noise he’d caught. Light footsteps, small gait, single person, careful treading. Not in a stalking manner, though. It was nearby, but it didn’t seem like they were attempting to creep up in any way. With an attentive sniff, Inuyasha caught the scent of a human. One who made home more often in a forest than anywhere else. They had a woodsy scent, a fresh campfire lingering on their clothing. With how light they seemed, Inuyasha was willing to guess they were female. Though, he has been wrong before. It could also be a child. They had the tendency of ambling similarly, albeit with more frequent stumbling. Nevertheless, they were fine so long as both parties minded their own.

“You done rambling?” He asked as he came around the side of her, notching his head to signal for them to continue on.

“I wasn’t rambling.” She weakly defended with a barely audible huff from her nostrils.

“Okay,” He chuckled. “Well, if that’s the case, then keep your voice down. There’s someone nearby.”

“Who?”

“No one we need to worry about. Human. I just don’t want to attract attention our way.”

“Roger that.” Kagome nodded, sealing her lips and walking by his side.

Silence, talking, bantering, it was all comfortable with Inuyasha at this point. There was something that had shifted between them over the past couple of days. After he’d gone to sleep on his human night, Kagome laid there awake, listening to the peacefulness of his deep breathing. It wasn’t often that he slept, but he seemed to fall asleep pretty quickly that night. All she could hope was that he was okay and comfortable, and that he woke up well-rested.

But, she worried that maybe she’d pushed the boundaries with all the touching she’d done on him that night. She was a little more handsy than normal. Granted, it was only his hair, arm, and legs, and they’d held hands for about thirty seconds, but it was still abnormal and slightly unwarranted. Kagome got a bit in her head by overthinking the situation. She was slightly overly affectionate, which was weird on its own because this was a different sort of affection she hadn’t really understood or explored before. And, while she wanted to blame the one beer she’d consumed and Koga’s insinuation of her feelings for Inuyasha, by the next morning, she knew she couldn’t. She knew it made sense for a reason. How could she deny that she had an attraction toward him?

Thing was, Kagome was worried she’d made it too apparent. He was so close to her, they were touching like it was second nature, and she hadn’t even considered that she may have been overstepping a boundary. She’d hoped, sincerely hoped, that things wouldn’t be awkward in the morning.

Luckily and surprisingly, they weren’t. Though, things weren’t quite the same either. Inuyasha walked a few inches closer to her. They’d decided to stay in town for another day for a little rest - which she knew was because he was aware of how exhausted she was from all the extra effort she’d been putting into her training and growth. That, he wouldn’t openly admit, though. Nor, would she expect him to. It was good enough for her to be able to read him, and that was all Kagome needed to appreciate. They ate breakfast in Kaede’s tavern, and he kicked the toes of her boots a few times. It was a casual thing as they waited and conversed, but it was new. She wouldn’t necessarily call it footsies though. That was a little too cutesy of a stunt for Inuyasha to ever pull. Then, he took her around the town, discretely showing her some of the deterrents Kaede had previously mentioned. He stayed close. Always close. Especially, when he took her to the market avenue.

There was a bit of a crowd even Inuyasha seemed surprised about. Kagome could tell he wasn’t a fan of them right away. His ears swiveled unpleasantly, almost pinning down for a brief moment, and he seemed to stiffen minutely. Nothing too obvious, but she’d caught the difference. She was quick to suggest they come back later, but the hanyou shook his head, clearing his dissatisfaction.

“Stay close.” He’d instructed as he guided her through. “Don’t want to lose you.”

It might have meant nothing but basic kindness to him, but it caused a tiny flurry in her abdomen. That sensation spread out whenever people got a little too close to her and Inuyasha’s hand would unconsciously find the small of her back. Was it protective, or was it just to make sure they didn’t get separated? Or both? Kagome didn’t allow herself to read too far into it. She just decided to go along with it, enjoying the warmth and safety of his presence.

They ate dinner in the tavern, joked with Kaede in her downtime, played rock-paper-scissors - which was shockingly exciting for such a simple game, enjoyed one last, hot bath, and then went to bed. Of course, ending with Inuyasha wrestling with her and dumping her on the mattress like before. At some point in the day, Kagome had stopped thinking about the potential for awkward tension between them, she stopped thinking about accidentally overstepping boundaries the night before, she stopped thinking about incidentally making Inuyasha uncomfortable with her affection, because it felt like he was partaking in growing closer to her, as well. It felt natural. It felt like no thought needed to be applied, and whatever was happening was organic.

Whether it was in the same nature as her or not, she wasn’t sure. And, she tried to believe it didn’t matter.

So quickly, yet still not terrifying. Not to her. Kagome had thoroughly come to enjoy his company.

“So,” She spoke, keeping her voice low so it was conversational but between them. “What did you mean by, ‘you’re Kagome’?”

“You’re Kagome.” Inuyasha repeated matter-of-factly.

“And?”

“You’re annoying.”

“And?” She giggled.

“You’re fishing for something I’m not going to give you.” He stated gruffly.

“Allow me to fill in the blanks.”

“Here we go.” Inuyasha muttered.

“‘You’re Kagome’, when looked up in a modern dictionary, can mean one of three things: Number one, I respect you so stinking much that I could never find it in myself to sexualize you non-consensually. Number two, I’m not attracted to you and it makes me feel uncomfortable that you have such nice breasts because I would rather not view you as a sexually appeasing woman. Number three, you’re one of the bro’s.”

“Number four, you’re an idiot I can never get to shut up, so it’s physically impossible to be attracted to someone like you.” He added.

“Hah! Says the guy who got shy at the sight of a little cleavage.” Kagome playfully teased.

“Why are you not offended when I call you ugly?” Inuyasha chuckled, his expression twisting bemusedly.

Kagome stopped, an obvious pout replacing her grin. “You think I’m ugly?”

Inuyasha turned to look at her, his face shifting seriously as he panicked at her sudden hurt. “No. No, Kagome I don’t think you’re…” He paused as he watched her lips slowly curve upward, brown eyes twinkling devilishly. “I hate you.”

She laughed, “That’s why.”

“You fucking tricked me.”

“It’s one thing to not be attracted to me, Inuyasha. Of course, my feelings wouldn’t be hurt by that. But, calling me ugly would actually hurt me, and you know it, and I’ve noticed that’s something you try to avoid.”

“Hurting your feelings? I literally call you an idiot all the time.”

“Yes, but you know that doesn’t bother me.” She smiled, shrugging as she continued walking. She heard his footsteps follow behind her, crunching leaves and the thick clumps of dirt on their path.

“What makes you think I care about hurting your feelings? It’s not something I actively try to avoid, kid. You’ve probably just got a thicker layer of skin since you grew up with two boys.” Inuyasha was pulling shit out of his ass. Kagome had sort of scattered his brain for a moment. She was reading him well. Was he obvious in his attempts at taking better care of her sensitive nature?

“Nah,” She turned around to look at him, and he froze from how happy she seemed. He knew she was joking, playing around, and there was only one thing she’d said that had bothered him. That he wasn’t attracted to her. While he would rather keep it to himself, while he would rather that not be obvious information, it was still incorrect. Because, when she smiled the way she was right now, when her cheeks tinted naturally, and when the sun touched her through the tops of the trees, his heart had a tendency to clench. It wasn’t painful, it wasn’t jolting, but it was there. Of course, he found her appealing to look at. There were so many sides to her that he’d been able to witness over the weeks, and he genuinely only disliked one. Her sadness. Her tears. It wasn’t that they were ugly. He just hated it. It had no business clouding the joyful features that he observed now. Despite all that, he genuinely wanted to see more. He wanted to see it all. He wanted to see her fierce side, her determined side, he wanted to see her scowl - pointed at others, of course - and her attitude, he wanted to see what she looked like when she danced, when she was compassionate, and at the end of the day, he wanted to see her win. Inuyasha was truly attracted to Kagome, and even though that was his business, it still didn’t sit quite well that she considered otherwise. “You’re just a big softie.”

Inuyasha deadpanned. That was the second time she’d called him that, and he was beginning to think she really believed it. “And, you’re stupid.”

“You didn’t deny it!”

“Neither did you.” The hanyou stated smugly, catching up to her side. He watched her expression flatten, and she grumpily kicked a rock out of her path. Got her.

Interestingly, the human was still nearby. He’d thought, after a while, they would have gone in some other direction, but it was almost like they were keeping up with he and Kagome. Additionally, they seemed to be walking just a bit closer. More than that. They were walking toward them now. It seemed like in a matter of minutes, they were bound to cross paths.

No. Something wasn’t right.

Inuyasha stopped, swiping his arm out in front of Kagome’s stomach to halt her as well. The girl jumped slightly at the sudden change, but she settled into place as her hands gently grabbed his forearm, attention on his hardened jaw but eventually following his gaze ahead of them.

A woman stepped out from behind a thick-trunked tree, an emotionless expression on her pale face as she gazed at the two of them with caramel eyes. Beneath, the skin was thin and dark, telling stories of her fatigue, though her shoulders were broadened energetically. She was thin, mid-height, wore fitted pants, but the beige blouse she donned seemed two sizes too large, tucked into her bottoms to keep the tail out of the way. On her right shoulder, she wore a quiver of arrows and a long bow, colored red and cracked from years of usage. It came from above, but a white, ghostly serpent slithered down and around the woman’s shoulders and chest, dropping a glowing light through her heart before circling her body to perch on her free shoulder with its insectile legs.

“Kikyo.” Kagome breathed, but when Inuyasha looked down at his companion, he noticed she didn’t appear as pleased or welcoming as he would have expected her to be. So, this was the great Kikyo, huh? He lowered his arm.

Kagome skeptically glanced at Inuyasha, and even though she was just touching him, she reached for him once more to feel his shoulder.

“This is real.” Kikyo spoke. “I’m not in your head. I’m here. And, before you react to anything dramatically, no, this is not the endgame we were intended to meet at.”

Inuyasha’s brows pinched together slightly, and he felt a tug pull down at the corners of his lips. Already, he wasn’t a huge fan of the way she spoke to Kagome.

It was a moment before Kagome could speak. All she could do was stare at the woman in front of her. Over the past year, she’d always imagined she would be some form of excited when meeting Kikyo in person, but Kagome currently felt no emotion in similarity. She was unhappy. She was growing increasingly more upset, a grudge she’d been holding against the woman rising to the surface now.

“Been a while.” She finally said, her tone level.

“Yes. It has been.” Kikyo walked closer, leaving just a few feet’s worth of a gap separating she and the opposite conjurer. “I’ll admit, I haven’t much felt like talking to you. I had nothing to say.”

“Oh, you haven’t?” Kagome shrugged her brows in minor challenge. “Well, ditto.”

“Ditto?”

“Means, the feeling’s mutual. I didn’t want to talk to you, either.”

“Are you claiming to be upset with me?”

“I am.” Kagome stated plainly.

“On what grounds?” Kikyo asked, a modest scowl appearing on her features.

“You first.”

Inuyasha swiftly grew uncomfortable as both women faced each other. At the reveal of who the person was, he hadn’t suspected Kagome to be any degree of unhappy, yet she faced the supposedly powerful conjurer with squared shoulders and a vexed look on her face. Now that he thought about it, she hadn’t mentioned Kikyo since that night they played the question game. He figured if they were in consistent, subconscious communication, as it previously seemed, she’d share any news. It made sense now. They hadn’t spoken. Still, no matter how badly he wanted to take a large step to the side, he resigned to remain at Kagome’s for the moment. He really hadn’t seen her in a confrontational state such as this, so he had no idea what to expect right now.

“You know what you did.” Kikyo replied.

“You mean, what I didn’t do?” Kagome cocked her head to the side. Again, the challenge was present.

“Yes.” Kikyo huffed.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“You don’t - excuse me?” For the first time, Kagome heard a heightened inflection in Kikyo’s tone. Even when she lectured her that last time, she didn’t seem this exasperated. And, so quickly too. Kagome was sort of proud of herself. Kikyo always appeared so grounded. “This has everything to do with me, Kagome.”

“No, you think it has everything to do with you, but it really doesn’t. You voiced your opinion, I took it into account, but then I made my own decision. You and I can’t travel together, and you basically told me I’m on my own, so that means I get to call my own shots. Right? Right.”

“You’re a fool.”

“Oh my god.” Kagome’s head lolled back dramatically before finding its way to sit upright. “That again? I’m the fool, but you wanted to punish me by giving me the silent treatment for traveling with Inuyasha? Fine, I’ll take it. But, you’re immature.”

“What do you have against me?” Inuyasha inquired with a small shrug, confused. He was sidelined one moment, and then before he knew it, part of the problem.

Kikyo hissed an abrupt hushing sound at the half demon, barely looking at him before she went back to glaring at Kagome. “Tell me why you have the audacity to be mad.”

“The audacity?” Kagome guffawed, so blown away by Kikyo’s ego that she couldn’t help but back step with her jaw hanging agape. “Okay! Sure! Were you ever gonna mention that you were hanging around my village for god knows how long? That you were spotted and that was the reason Naraku’s henchmen had been visiting so frequently? Hm? Ever plan on bringing that information up, or were you just gonna sweep it under the rug?”

“Are you blaming me for -“

“No. I’m not. The girl’s death is on them. I’m blaming you for being partially responsible for making the last few months of my life hell, though! Did you watch when my mother was slapped across the face two months ago? She was hit so hard, her cheek was bruised and she spit blood. Did you sit back and relax when an old lady had her face shoved in horse shit? Her heart gave out a week later, and the doctor thinks it was from the stress. We all called her Grandma Hojo. She raised one of my friends. She was all he had left. How about the time they defiled our graveyard? Did you like that little show they put on? How I had to scoop up and bury my father’s ashes for the second time!? You really want to say that I have the ‘audacity’ to be mad at you!? Kikyo, you were right fucking there! Why did you -“

“Hey,” His voice was soothing as Inuyasha swiftly reached for her jaw with one hand, her nearest shoulder with the other, turning Kagome to face him. He bowed his head slightly, speaking only to her as he forced her eye contact. “Hey, it’s okay. Calm down, alright? Don’t visit that pain again. I don’t want you going back to that.”

The hanyou gave her a moment, and luckily Kikyo stayed stiff with silence. He didn’t let Kagome go. Truthfully, he was willing to guess even she hadn’t realized how emotional she was becoming or how the post-traumatic stress was being triggered. But, he’d seen it. He heard things he couldn’t imagine a single person having to live through, let alone this girl. This girl whose eyes brought him solace without any effort, this girl whose laughter was bubbly and sweet, this girl he was biased enough to believe deserved it all the least. Even he was slammed with the weight of the experiences she’s lived through, and these occurrences were only separated by mere weeks. But, it was at the mention of her father’s remains being disrespected that his heart wrenched painfully. If he was hurt by the thought, he knew Kagome was engulfed in that pain and anger, and that was where Inuyasha needed to reach in and yank her out. It was so easy to drown in trauma you hadn’t been able to sort through yet, and he couldn’t let it take her. She could continue arguing all she wanted. Truthfully, he loved her feisty side. This seemed like something that was waiting to come, anyway. But, she was going to stay balanced while she did it. He was there to make sure she didn’t get too overwhelmed.

Kagome took a deep breath, slightly embarrassed but thankful for her companion reeling her back to reality. She had been quickly growing so furiously heated that she wasn’t even thinking straight and her fingers had begun trembling, but his touch pulled her back to the present. She hated that she was so emotion driven, she hated that she got so passionately flustered when reliving past incidents, but none of that was important right now. Kagome nodded as she felt steadier, more level-headed, and then turned out of his grasp, looking back at Kikyo. She could feel the slant of her own eyes, though. Her glare held no forgiveness yet. She wanted to hear Kikyo’s explanation, and quite frankly, deserved it.

“You do blame me.” Kikyo stated more than questioned, a slight frown tugging at her lips.

“I blame you for what you’re responsible for, yes.” Kagome replied. “I blame you for just standing by and watching. I blame you for knowing the havoc you’d caused, but never giving any sort of warning. You had plenty of opportunities. You communicated to me in my dreams, but all you ever said was, ‘the responsibility is ours.’ Not once did you slip in a, ‘hey, I fucked up. Look out.’”

Kikyo’s caramel eyes fell to the forest floor, the muscles at the joint of her jaw flexing and nostrils flaring. There was the smallest quiver in her chin, but she tucked it in the hopes that it wouldn’t be noticed. A heat was rising through her chest, her neck, her face, and all too soon, her nervous ticks began to kick. Her hips swayed side-to-side, her fingers clenched and unclenched repeatedly, she gnawed on her thin, bottom lip, and she blinked profusely because she’d be damned if anyone saw a single tear from her.

“I - I didn’t know what to do.” Kikyo hesitantly admitted.

Kagome didn’t speak. In fact, she sealed her lips. The floor belonged to Kikyo.

“It took forever to find you, and when I had, I didn’t want to forget your face or your village. It was difficult to locate to begin with. I did - um - I did make a mistake, Kagome. I wasn’t paying as close attention to my surroundings as I should have been. I got too relaxed, and hadn’t realized I’d been seen at first. When it became apparent, it was too late. I tried wandering away, even going so far as to intentionally be seen elsewhere to try and drag the attention away from you and yours, but I was unsuccessful. Thing was, so long as I remained evasive, things weren’t going to be as bad as they could have been. Things were terrible, I know, but if they had caught me, that is when Naraku would have shown up. Or, could have. I don’t know how that would work or how they would gather his attention, but it wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. They could not involve him if they did not have me.”

“But, why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I did not want you to go looking for me. Knowing I was right there, you would have come searching.”

“You could have at least warned me to expect the worst. You could have said something.” “Kagome, I am a conjurer. I am not clairvoyant. I had no idea what was coming for you once I had been seen.”

“Okay, fair.” She huffed agitatedly. “But, you never said anything to me afterward, either.”

“It was in the past.”

“Oh, screw you!” She snapped, stepping back again.

“It wasn’t something you needed to focus on, anymore!”

“I really can’t get a read on you! Are you that cold!? Are you that insensitive!?”

“No!” Kikyo was beginning to crack. She didn’t know how to properly explain herself, how to make Kagome understand that her intentions were pure and not cruel. Naturally, Kikyo had a difficult time emotionally connecting with others. Ever since she’d met Naraku, ever since her life and heart had taken a nosedive into turbulent waters, connecting grew exponentially more difficult. Throw that in with the fact that human interaction was few and far between, she was in a disposition where she legitimately felt blocked. How did she make Kagome understand? Did she overshare? It was uncomfortable to consider, but even now, where she stood, she was uncomfortable already.

“You didn’t even help! You just watched! You watched peoples’ homes get torn apart, you watched my family suffer, you watched women get thrown around and harassed, one was almost raped last month, Kikyo!”

“Kagome, I didn’t mean -“

“No! Stop it! I looked up to you! You made me look up to you! I thought you were my hope, I thought you were everyone’s hope! Lo and behold, you were five feet away the whole time, and you just watched!” Kagome’s voice cracked from her zeal, her fury. “And, you want to tell me it’s a thing of the past!? Tell that to Hojo! Tell that to my mother! No, you know what? Go ahead and tell that to any male in my village. They’ll still take it as personally as any woman who’s been at the wrath of the henchmen’s hands. Go ahead, Kikyo. Tell that to my cousin and little brother. See how they’d respond.”

“I just - I didn’t -“ Kikyo’s breathing had increased. Her pale cheeks were now painted red, her eyes were bloodshot, her lips were bitten, pressed, and sucked so hard that they finally hued pink. Her chest rose and fell heavily from the way her lungs pumped air in and out, that her breasts actually pressed against the cloth of her baggy shirt. “If I did something, there was - there was the chance that I wouldn’t get them all. They were working off of inconclusive evidence of my presence since they had nothing tangible, so if I basically confirmed I was there and failed to kill every last one of them, Naraku would come. Kagome, Naraku wouldn’t hesitate to kill you all just to find me. He would have you killed. I couldn’t - no. I didn’t know what to do.”

Kagome took the sight of the breaking conjurer in. Finally, she was expressing emotion. Finally, she was showing something relatable, she was conveying tension, and anxiety, and fear, and remorse. Finally. “Were you scared?”

“No!” Kikyo hardened hastily.

“You’d only be doing yourself a favor by admitting it.” Inuyasha spoke, his tone gruff. “You’re not fooling either of us.”

A tear fell from Kikyo’s eye, but her hand swiped across her cheek to clear it so quickly. That tear served as her breaking point, though. It was like a wall she’d forged in unbreakable steel was cracking down the middle, and the weight Kikyo carried on her shoulders was bringing it to crumble. She gasped as the emotions overpowered her, as the guilt overwhelmed her, and this sensation, the denseness in her chest, the disturbing warmth that tingled over her skin, was all so foreign now that she didn’t know how to process it all at once.

She was only human. This was a bold reminder of which. Kagome’s anger began to dissipate, the flush in her body was cooling down. Her own heart clenched at the visible pain the opposite woman was in, but she didn’t know what to do to help.

“I was. I was scared.” Kikyo cried, relentlessly wiping her face of her tears. Her head was bowed so her twisted, sorrowful expression wasn’t observable, but she spoke up, despite her broken voice, to make sure the confessions she’d kept under lock and key were heard as clearly as possible. “I didn’t mean to cause so much damage, and I didn’t know what to do to correct it. There was always the risk that there were lingering demons. They didn’t always bring everyone in their pack. Their leader was smart, and the risks hanging over your head scared the hell out of me. For a while, I thought I was helping by staying out of it.”

“Well,” Kagome sighed, trying to push the remaining resentment from her veins. “You’re definitely right about something there. Their leader was smart. He rarely brought his whole squad, and when he did, it meant they were bored and all hell was about to break loose.”

“I didn’t know that them spotting me would make things harder on you. Was everything they did from that point on abnormal?” Kikyo asked, sniffling but desperately trying to pull herself together. The skin beneath her eyes was scarlet and puffy, and the tip of her nose was bright. She blinked quickly to fight off anymore tears from falling, and any that did escape was swiftly cleared away with the wet sleeve of her shirt.

“I don’t know when, exactly, they noticed you since they never said anything, but they increased their visits. Which makes sense now since it turns out they were trying to weed you out.”

“Weed me out?”

“Yeah, they thought you might have had family in my town. And, even if you didn’t, overall, they were just trying to get you to react.”

“Wait,” Kikyo shook her head slightly, perplexed. “How do you know this? I don’t understand.”

“I had a little run-in with their leader almost three weeks ago. He spilled the beans.” Kagome grumbled, recollecting on that incident.

“Oh,” The shake of her head deepened, eyes falling for a moment as she exhaled heatedly. “I - I wasn’t aware of that.”

“It’s alright. He’s dead now. All of his lugs are. Hopefully, my home is at least a little more peaceful and they’re in recovery.”

“I want you to know, I also wasn’t aware of the grave defilement. That may have happened when I was away and trying to pull the attention off of your village. I did not know you had to… your father. Kagome, I didn’t even know your father was deceased.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kagome resigned, pushing the memory away.

“Look, this - uh - this isn’t why I came here today. I need to speak with you.” Kikyo admitted, centering herself as she raised her chin as she normally would.

“About what?”

Kikyo regarded Inuyasha was a slight shift of her eyes before glancing back over to Kagome. “In private.”

“No.” Kagome said. It was straight, like there was no room for compromise.

“Yes.”

“She said no.” Inuyasha said.

“You are not involved.”

“I am now.”

“Kagome -“

“Kikyo, whatever you tell me is most likely going to be relayed back to Inuyasha, anyway. He’s with me. We’re doing this together. So, you can talk to me with him around.” Kagome attested. “He’s trustworthy, I promise.”

“I do not deem him so.”

“Alright, that’s it. What’s your problem?” Inuyasha questioned, his attitude flaring. He cocked his head to the side, panning the woman with an indifferent stare.

“You have no business here.” Kikyo responded. “I tried to caution Kagome against traveling with you, but she’s as stubborn as a mule. Be that as it may, just because she finds you trustworthy, does not mean I have to agree.”

“You’re right, you don’t.” He shrugged, a hint of venom on his tongue. “But, that doesn’t change a damn thing, sweet cheeks. Kagome and I still come in a pair, and because she’s already declined to leave me out of it, it looks like you better get used to me being included. She’s already told you she’d only end up telling me everything, anyway. So, you might as well get talking.”

“You are highly infuriating.”

“Likewise. You’ve sparked a fight with both Kagome and I in the span of minutes. That takes skill.”

“I don’t much care about offending you.”

“Right back at ya.”

“You have no business here.” Kikyo repeated, more vexed that time.

The hanyou gestured to the girl at his side. “All the business I need.”

“Kikyo, stop.” Kagome tried. “Just tell me what you came here to tell me.”

“No.” She held up a hand at Kagome, her glare aimed at the half demon at her side. Kikyo squared her shoulders mightier, and he only stood a couple inches taller than she, so she barely had to look up at him to meet his amber eyes. “Why should I trust you? Why should I believe you’re a good asset to Kagome?”

“What is this, an interview? You think you call the shots or something?” Inuyasha challenged.

“I am more experienced than she is, so I know what your kind is like. It’s normal to have lapses in judgement when you’re fresh to the world outside of your home, and it’d be way too lucky to stumble upon someone valuable immediately. So, tell me, hanyou. Tell me why I should trust you.”

“Kikyo, stop.” Kagome ordered, going ignored.

“You’re missing the point. I don’t give a flying fuck if you trust me. Get your head out of your ass and understand that you have no fucking say here. I’m along for the ride whether you like it or not.”

“You shouldn’t be. Just your temper tells me you’re irrational and could get Kagome hurt.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“That Kagome needs to be as level-headed as physically possible with every step she takes, and that she can’t afford to take chances with reckless half demons such as yourself.”

“Are you implying that I would put Kagome in danger!?” Inuyasha seethed, filled with a burning heat that rose over his body.

“I am implying that even if you kept your mouth shut, who you are is a risk on its own.”

“Kikyo!” Kagome shouted.

“Fuck you!” Inuyasha growled. He hadn’t been this angry at an insult toward his hanyou state in so fucking long, this feeling was almost unnatural to him at this point. How dare she? Who the fuck did this bitch think she was? Everything from his tongue thereafter was uncontrollable and hot, it was demanding and sharp as knives. “Says the twat who refused to even help Kagome out from the beginning because you were too scared to be caught by Naraku! Yeah, I’m a fucking half demon, Kikyo! Who gives a rats ass!? Kagome doesn’t seem to mind, but I guess you’re just so fucking entitled that you’re not used to your opinion being irrelevant! Jesus fuck, but for you to think I would ever put Kagome in danger is low! You don’t know me! Don’t pretend to know me because of my genetics!”

“Would you give your life for hers?”

“Without a second thought.” He answered quickly, furiously, his tone lethal and husky. Inuyasha realized then that Kikyo was calm. She’d relented halfway through his rant, the tiniest of smug grins appearing on her lips. What was that about? Was she egging him on? Did she believe him? Or was this what she wanted all along? Either way, he wasn’t finished. He knew what he’d said, but he felt like he needed to make sure he was understood completely with no room for misinterpretation. “I don’t give a fuck who you think you are, I don’t even care what you think of me. What matters here is Kagome, and so long as she trusts me, I’m not going anywhere. She’s safe with me. I would never intentionally put her in danger. Understand?”

“Got it.” She smiled, holding her hands up to submit. “Calling me a ‘twat’ was a bit excessive, but that was all I wanted to know.”

“Were you -“ Kagome gawked incredulously. “Were you testing him?”

“I was. He wouldn’t outwardly tell me why I should trust him in the beginning, so I had to trick him into telling me.”

“Good lord, you really need to work on your social skills.” Kagome groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I know, it’s not the greatest tactic.” Kikyo scrunched her expression remorsefully. “It’s difficult for me to properly navigate conversations; I really don’t talk to a lot of people much anymore. I’m not surprised that I’ve upset you both. I apologize, Inuyasha. I just wanted to - are you okay?”

Inuyasha had crouched down where he stood, his elbows braced on his knees as he buried his face in his hands. “You stress me the fuck out, dude.”

“I just wanted to make sure you had good intentions.” Kikyo assured, looking slightly panicked. “When a person is heated, they say their truths more passionately, and -“

“Yeah. Just talk to Kagome.” He murmured, not yet coming out of his position.

Kagome soothingly rubbed her hand over the top of his back, lightly scratching her fingers at the nape of his neck where his hairline was. “Alright, we’re all done fighting. No more of that, okay? What did you come here for?”

“Are you sure he’s okay?” Kikyo whispered concernedly to the opposite conjurer.

“He will be.” She replied in a hushed tone, as well.

“Alright, well I should - I should apologize to you, too. I should have never -“

“It’s alright, Kikyo. I understand.”

“No, you really don’t.” She confessed. “There’s a lot more that I’ve been hiding from you. I didn’t know the right time to tell you, or even how, but I fear it’s imperative knowledge.”

“What is it?” Kagome asked.

“I don’t even know where to start except to ask:” There was a brief pause as Kikyo inhaled deeply, sighing out just the same, almost in preparation. “How - how is my sister?”

Kagome didn’t take long to process her question. She pursed her lips and nodded instead, taking her hand back as her companion rose back to a standing. “I knew it. Kaede.”

Inuyasha almost instantly regretted unfurling from his ball. This chick was all over the place. One minute she’s starting fights, then she’s testing him, the next she’s admitting to withholding important information, and now she’s Kaede’s long lost sister? Holy fucking shit. This was a joke, right?

“Is she well? Healthy?” Kikyo continued, her tone substantially softer.

“Inuyasha, this is your domain.” Kagome handed over to him.

“Inuyasha?” Kikyo questioned, as if to as why Kagome couldn’t answer, herself.

“He knows her on a more personal level. I only met her because of him.”

“Wait, wait, wait. I’m gonna need a little more information here. Kaede said her sister died. Tragically.” Inuyasha stated.

“You’re her friend?” Kikyo asked hopefully.

“Yes. Focus.”

“It’s - please, just tell me she’s okay first. She has to be, right? Is that her building, or is she just working in it?”

“Kaede’s fine. She’s a fucking firecracker. The building is an inn, and yes, she owns it. Your turn.”

Kikyo cracked a small smile of relief, nodding and bowing her head as the information registered. Her sister was well. Now, came the fun part. She prefaced by taking an inconspicuous step back. With the wild energy of the two before her, and how quick they were to spring into attack mode, the last thing Kikyo wanted was to be within arm’s reach for this.

“I faked my death. It was to protect Kaede.”

Inuyasha grimaced, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned his torso down to the side toward Kagome. “Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like this?”

“Because, nothing good ever comes from a statement like that.” Kagome returned, giving a slight grimace, herself.

“I’m right here. I can hear you.” Kikyo grumbled.

“Sorry. Continue.” Kagome waved dismissively.

“Look,” Kikyo sighed, her shoulders dropping an inch. “I’ve known Naraku for well over a decade. We loved each other - or, at least I thought. I - I loved him, that was for certain. Now that I’m older, I see how volatile our relationship truly was, but it changes nothing. I was a teenager when we'd met and he was eleven years older, and I was too young and naive to understand the red flags I was shrugging off. Naraku was never on our side. The side of good.”

“Sorry, to interrupt, but I need to know: Did you know Naraku while he was human? Or was he a half demon by the time you two met?” Inuyasha asked, and he observed Kikyo’s expression widen in slight dismay.

“How did you know about that?”

Inuyasha blatantly didn’t answer. His look was hard, straight, his arms still crossed and lips closed. Her inquiry was valid, but he didn’t really like his questions being answered with questions constantly. She’d get her explanation in a moment, but his came first.

“I met him while he was still human.” Kikyo relented, understanding his body language. “I had planned to mention his transformation in sequence, though I will admit, I wasn’t sure how it would have come off.”

“Fair enough.” The hanyou nodded. “I had an unfortunate run-in with his indisposed state. From my angle, it’s not hard to tell what I was looking at.”

“He was -“ Kikyo ground her jaw, eyes falling to the floor as they slanted indignantly. “I wish I had known just how insane he was beneath the surface. It was criminal just how well he hid behind smiles and polite gestures, and he was so gentle with me I would have never guessed he’d one day want to kill me. He talked a little about growing stronger, tired of being human, wanting more control. I was seventeen, I didn’t know that there were people in the world that struggled with mental sickness. That they could walk into your life with a sweet smile and leave with a wicked one. I didn’t know what he’d do for this control he spoke of, and I had no idea that once he got an actual taste of it, he’d go mad for more. I’ve never been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve, so I thank myself for being guarded in the first few years of our friendship. As we fell in love, that was when I opened up about being a conjurer. A creator of light and purity. But, as he allowed demons to consume him, trading his soul for the power they offered, gradually losing whatever humanity he had left in him, Naraku became the exact opposite. Do you understand, Kagome? Do you understand why it has to be us?”

Her mouth parted as she processed the information, her voice coming out small as the revelation became clear. “Naraku is literally darkness, and we are literally light.”

“Precisely.”

“No.” Inuyasha spoke, holding the hint of defense. “I understand why it has to be a conjurer, but why Kagome, specifically? She’s never met Naraku, never seen his face, she didn’t fuck him, wasn’t there for his transformation, so why did you bring her into this?”

Kikyo took another step back, slightly uncomfortable. “I’ll get to that. As Naraku and I grew closer, developed a relationship, and I had learned to trust him, I began to open up about things that weren’t superficial. I told him I had a sister, but they never met. I practically raised Kaede, so she was the only one I held unconditionally dear. No one I mingled with would know her on a personal level until I was certain it was a lifelong commitment and they would never bring her harm. While I had developed irrevocable feelings for Naraku, I felt something was off with him, and my intuition always stung when I considered introducing them to one another. He never seemed interested either. Actually, he hates children. So, him not asking or prying helped in the sense where I never felt guilty or obligated.

“Behind my back, he began his affairs with demons, selling his soul piece-by-piece as they joined his body. He killed like it was easy. He murdered for fun. He laughed when he felt the liberation of his newfound, despicable abilities. And, he'd told me as much as soon as he saw my own at play. I was distracted by him at one point; he was playfully encouraging me, acting the part of my kindhearted partner, and my arrow hit a demon but didn’t hold enough power to kill it. Naraku walked up to it, spoke something incomprehensible, and then absorbed the demon right into his body.

“That was the moment everything slowly began to unravel. He expressed desires I didn’t share, how we would be the definition of a power couple. A demon and a conjurer taking over the world. Nothing could stop us. If I shifted my focus to darker magic, he claimed nothing ever would. We’d be untouchable. I wanted no part in that. Power was never what I craved. After the childhood I’d endured, watching my parents ripped away from us by evil, I just wanted to craft my powers well enough to ensure a peaceful life for myself and my younger sister. So, I tried. I desperately tried to save Naraku. I reasoned with him, pleaded for him to come to his senses, even used our relationship as bait. He laughed in my face. Like, I meant nothing to him.

“It felt irresponsible of me to merely leave him. What good would that do? I break up with him and leave him as a menace for the rest of the world to deal with? Like, it wasn’t my problem anymore? He’d already confessed to joyful murder, and he was only growing stronger. I was -“ Kikyo paused, sucking in a grounding breath. Expressing emotions wasn’t her forte, especially now, but honesty was what Kagome deserved. And, she knew very well by now that if she didn’t, either she or Inuyasha would call her out on it. “I was scared. No, terrified. What was I supposed to do? Even if I did take the cowardice way out, Naraku would never let go of me that easily. I was trapped. Progressively, he grew violent toward me, making horrible threats if I didn’t abide by his wishes. He made me study with a woman named Tsubaki; a dark conjurer. A year later, I had no choice but to kill her. She was tainted, deplorable, and she would rip the heart from a person’s chest without so much as an ounce of remorse.

“That was also when I knew what I had to do. I had to stop Naraku. We were polar opposites, and it came to a point where there was no denying I was the only one capable of bringing him down. Unfortunately, he was three steps ahead of me. He knew as soon as I had killed Tsubaki that it was a statement as to what side I was on. All that mattered, all that he saw, was that I was against him. So quickly, everything crumbled.

“He planned to kill everyone I cared for. Naraku set attack to my village. Everything was on fire. People were screaming, pleading for help. I made a split-second decision then. I was going to let Naraku believe he killed my sister, and I was going to let her believe he’d killed me. It was the only way to make sure either stayed away from the other. I couldn’t take the chance that he would potentially come back for her, seek her out, so I used the dark magic Tsubaki taught me.”

Kagome could see the shame visible on Kikyo’s face. It was in the way her lips and chin crinkled, in the way her brow tensed, in the way her brown eyes shifted to the side as if there were a mirror before her and she couldn’t look straight at herself. Her pale fists clenched tight, and though she lacked color, Kagome could still notice the difference in white around her knuckles. If this was a lot for Kagome to hear, to digest, it had to be overwhelming for Kikyo to confess. Had she ever faced the full brunt of everything she’d been through and everything she’d done? Was her admittance to Kagome and Inuyasha the first time she’d laid it all out on the table? It seemed to be. Pink had returned to Kikyo’s cheeks, and her sclera were bloodshot. No tears had to be fought off, though. Alternatively, Kagome observed that the minimal light remaining in the opposite woman’s irises was fading.

“I hurt Kaede. I made it seem like it was one of the demons attacking. I took her eye. Held it in my own hands. Then, created something that looked like a demon to eat me - which actually carried me away from the village. I cut my arm deep, intentionally left behind a pool of blood for Kaede to see, and I’m sure she watched the whole, conjured thing. I remember our final glances, the way she clutched her right eye socket, the incredible amount of blood all over her sweet face. She watched me die, and when I was far enough away, I screamed for Naraku. I screamed, and I screamed, because I knew that bastard was listening. When he appeared, I presented my sister’s eye while I cried. I vowed to kill him, and he laughed before disappearing.”

Inuyasha was rigid, nearly shaking. He felt horribly hot all over, his nails biting into the flesh of his palms. For the sake of his willpower, he’d turned his attention away from Kikyo, clenching and unclenching his jaw, inhaling and exhaling searing breaths from his nostrils. Kaede had no idea the truth behind her own assault. She didn’t know it had anything to do with her own sister, Naraku, that her eye was taken as a result of which, that she was harmed as a result of which, and that Kikyo was still very much alive. Without a doubt, Inuyasha knew Kaede would forgive Kikyo, but Inuyasha found himself angry on her behalf. When she’d recounted the incident to him, he could see just how heartbroken Kaede still was over it all. The ferocious woman was reduced to false smiles, a belly full of liquor, and an eye that wouldn’t meet his anymore. She was no older than fifteen at the time.

He recognized that a lot of things were out of Kikyo’s control. He understood that Naraku was the true cause of everything that had occurred, that Kikyo acted on a whim with good intentions, and that she was doing what she felt she needed to do so they both survived. None of that took away from his unmitigated resentment, though. That was his friend. That was one of his first friends, in fact. That was someone who stuck her neck out for people without needing convincing. Inuyasha couldn’t help that he was furious for her, couldn’t help that he wanted to yell at Kikyo for hurting her own sister despite the fact that she did it to save her life, and couldn’t help his natural instinct to want to protect and defend. Kaede was a good fucking person, and it wasn’t right that he now knew more about the most traumatic event she’d ever endured than she did. And, he was willing to bet Kikyo was going to insist they kept their mouths shut.

Everything he felt was vile and conflicting, and while he knew the rationality behind it all, it was extremely difficult to remain rational on his part. He knew it would be wrong to act, but it was so hard not to. Kagome must have sensed it. Kagome always seemed to pick up on his shifts lately. She’d leaned a little closer to his side; it was so inconspicuous, even he hadn’t caught her adjustment. The back of her hand lightly grazed his thigh, as if they were walking so close they’d accidentally brushed, and she kept it there. Ever so slightly, she moved it back and forth in a tender, rubbing motion, bringing him back to her in such a subtle manner that wouldn’t put any obvious attention on him. Even as she picked up the conversation and spoke to Kikyo, she kept the light touch going, gradually grounding Inuyasha until he gathered his control again.

“Okay, that explains that.” Kagome said, breathing as evenly as possible. “So -“

“So,” Kikyo resumed, pinching her lips together and finally meeting the opposite conjurer’s gaze again. “I’ve spent the last nine years or so trying to stop Naraku. I have trained tirelessly, studied ancient texts I struggle to understand, stared at pages in foreign and dead languages hoping the context of conjurers, priestesses, witches, mages, and whatever the hell else we’ve been referred to as over the centuries would suddenly make sense and help me master my skills, but I’m still not strong enough to do it. I cannot kill Naraku. I had the opportunity multiple times before he became who he is today, and I couldn’t release my arrow.”

“You still love him.” Kagome commented quietly.

“No. I hate him.”

“But, you used to.” Inuyasha joined, his tone almost lethal. He was outraged now. Was she implying that she couldn’t kill Naraku because she used to have that connection with him, so that was why she’d recruited Kagome? To do her dirty work for her? He’d better be wrong. Kikyo had better tell him otherwise and she’d better do it fast or else he was about to lose his goddamn shit.

“Yes, I used to. And, it does hold me back. I can’t do it.” Kikyo admitted. “As well as I know how evil Naraku is, I still remember the kind person he’d fooled me into thinking he was. It’s like a blockade. It won’t budge. My heart wont let me. It’s useless and it was going to lead to the destruction of so many if I didn’t find a solution. I can see the wrath in your eyes, Inuyasha. I did not choose Kagome haphazardly.”

“Then, why?” He pressed, not easing his glare.

“Do you truly think I would spin a wheel and thrust my fate onto the random name my dart landed on, Inuyasha?”

“I don’t know you. I don’t know what to think. That’s why I’m giving you the chance to explain. Take it. Quickly.”

“Inuyasha.” Kagome whispered, but he reached down, grabbing her hand from his thigh and giving her a small tug to slightly shield her behind his frame. He couldn’t prevent it. He couldn’t silence his need to protect her right now.

“Think about it.” Kikyo argued. “It’s not like there’s documentation on every conjurer in existence. I didn’t raid confidential records and select Kagome arbitrarily. There’s no such thing. Otherwise, do you really think Naraku would bother having those mindless demons searching towns and interrogating innocent families looking for any conjurers, young or old? That would be absolutely pointless, and Naraku is not an idiot. He’s maniacal, but he is the furthest thing from an imbecile. I didn’t just happen upon Kagome, I was told about her. A long time ago, there was a conjurer - no,” She shook her head in swift correction. “A priestess. She was a priestess. Midoriko. She was formidable, and a master of her skill.”

“I’ve heard of her.” Kagome clutched Inuyasha’s hand in minor excitement. She hadn’t expected things to come around this way, but finally she didn’t feel completely clueless. “Papa mentioned her. He was a well-traveled man, and I don’t exactly know how he’d gotten his information, but after he’d first brought her up, Miroku - my cousin - and I snuck into a library and found a few things on her. She was extremely powerful, but died at the hands of demons, right?”

“Right.” Kikyo nodded. “Kagome, do you believe in reincarnation?”

“Uh oh.” She murmured, expression faltering. She hadn’t meant to react as such, but Kagome had a huge feeling she was about to have a heavy reality suggested upon her. “I’ll be honest, I haven’t put much thought into it.”

“Well, I believe we are her reincarnated soul.”

“What!? Are you shitting me!?” Inuyasha barked incredulously, only grasping Kagome tighter in result.

Kikyo released a frustrated groan, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment before continuing. “I know it sounds unfathomable, but so is a human-turned-demon, okay?”

“Half demon.” Inuyasha corrected bluntly, feeling disgusted by the thought of that lunatic receiving credit as a pure breed. Even if it was seen as a jab toward his being, at least he knew he, himself, was organic.

“Not the point.” Kikyo stated. “Much like I began communicating with Kagome in her dream state, I too was contacted. By Midoriko.”

“But, she’s dead.” Kagome said, confused. “And, you said you couldn’t be contacted that way. I specifically asked you.”

“You asked me -“

“If I could do it to you, yes. But, you responded by saying you were too guarded so it wouldn’t work.”

“I just didn’t want you to try, Kagome. For the deceased, it’s nothing but a visit. For the living, it’s dark magic. You’re playing with fire.”

“You’re a fucking conjurer! What are you talking about!?” Inuyasha asked. Already on edge, at this point it was like he was just being prodded to react.

“Trained by Tsubaki! Have you not been listening!?” Kikyo fired. “I have a history with dark conjurings. It was brief, but it was shoved down my throat. I utilized them to fool my sister and Naraku, and now I’m utilizing them for the best possible reason I can think of. Midoriko told me to find you, Kagome. She specifically told me you were vital to the success of bringing the end of Naraku. She told me your name, she told me I already knew how to find you, she told me you and I are connected, and I haven’t seen her since. The dream was too particular to believe it was nothing more than a fabrication of my brain. She gave me your name. She spoke directly to me. At that point in time, I was at wits’ end. I was willing to try anything. So, I did. And, it wasn’t easy. Subconscious communication was never taught to me, but I had remembered reading about it in one of Tsubaki’s texts. It took months to get down since I had to go by nothing but trial and error, and even longer to find you. You do not know how difficult it is to mentally link with someone you have never met in person and have only heard of on one circumstance. I had to write your name down and carry it with me so I wouldn’t chance forgetting it.

“Midoriko did not state that we were her reincarnations, but in order to locate you and communicate, I had to first figure out how we were connected. I’d initially assumed it was by distant relation, but it wasn’t until I searched deeper that I finally got somewhere. We’re tethered at the soul. To me, it would only make sense that we must share one. That was why Midoriko came to me. She appeared because I was in need, and I was desperately trying to win a battle against evil - much like she was in her time. My soul called out to her. And, once I discovered it was your soul I was touching, it all made sense. Doesn’t it to you?”

“Not at all.” Kagome slowly shook her head. “I’ve gotta admit, this is a lot to chew. I’m a bit winded right now, Kikyo.”

“Try to keep up.”

“Believe me, I am. You’re kind of info-dumping on me, though.”

“Look, I’d considered giving you everything little-by-little, but I don’t think we have that sort of time on our side. Naraku’s only getting stronger, and sooner or later, he’s going to know about you. So long as I’m alive, his focus is on me. He has a nasty tendency to obsess, and I currently have his undivided attention. I want it to stay that way. But, you’re getting stronger, too. You’re improving at a rate I had never expected, so I can hear the clock ticking.”

“Is that bad?”

“Yes and no. You’re doing better than I had thought you would. You’re doing exactly as I asked of you. It’s attention-grabbing, though. That’s sort of inevitable; don’t think you’re doing wrong. I’m just concerned, so I decided it would be best to tell you everything at once. You deserve to understand it all; and I recognize I should have tried to trickle all this information in with each telepathic visit I made to you. It was just - it was hard. When I first connected, I didn’t understand that I had. It was sort of like an ember struggling to catch flame. You know how it’ll flicker in and out? That was my connection with you at first. Finally, when I managed to step through, I barely had enough time to say, ‘The responsibility is ours.’ For the longest time, that’s all I was ever able to get out to you. It was frustrating.”

“You mean, that wasn’t intentional?” Kagome arched a brow, frowning.

“No, of course not.”

“Why is that the first thing you’d say to her, anyway?” Inuyasha asked quizzically, unintentionally and unknowingly matching Kagome’s expression. “Have you ever tried, ‘hello’?”

“I was invading her mind, Inuyasha. If the only thing I was able to say was, ‘hello’, even I would feel creeped out.” Kikyo replied.

“Alright, but alternatively speaking, if you had enough time to say, ‘the responsibility is ours’, then you had enough time to say, ‘hey, my name’s Kikyo.’”

“Pleasantries aren’t my strong suit. I prefer to get straight to the point.”

Both Inuyasha and Kagome went silent, pursing their lips, still unconsciously wearing matching expressions.

Kikyo grimaced, reading the signal on their faces. “I am aware that I didn’t. It wasn’t exactly my fault, though.”

“No, you’re right. It makes better sense now.”

“I soon realized it was our physical distance that was making communication troubling. While I had discovered the method to slip into your mind, it wasn’t something I could become proficient at so quickly. I had to use the strength of our connection as a guide, and the closer I got to you, the stronger it all became.”

“Right. You began giving me bits and pieces of Naraku. Everything was mysteriously vague, but I understand why now.”

“I just didn’t know how much was too much. I was being overly cautious for the both of us.”

There was a reprieve of silence between the three of them for a moment. It was noticeably thick, uncomfortable. Kagome was missing a huge chunk of information that was going to nag at her brain unless she received something to go off of. “So,” She began. “Midoriko… What makes you so sure?”

“Nothing. I’m not one-hundred percent positive we are actually her reincarnated soul. I can see how it’d be farfetched, and Inuyasha’s expression is practically screaming so.” Kikyo responded.

“Well, I’ve heard of reincarnation, but I’ve never heard of a split soul.” He said, shrugging carelessly as if he didn’t care how offensive his scowl appeared.

“I have. It’s rare, but it can happen. Particularly to a wise or powerful soul. One who’s traveled through a number of vessels and is too strong to be properly contained in a single one anymore.” Kikyo stated. “Midoriko had a defined strength that wasn’t all self-taught. She was a priestess born with experience. Her soul was intended to be a savior, because it was derived from countless, brave spirits before her.”

“And, she told you this?” Inuyasha asked, cocking a brow in skepticism.

“Of course, not.” Kikyo had almost rolled her eyes. “I wish she had so that I had definitive reason, but instead I have to go off of intuition. If it is true, if my soul came from Midoriko, then this unwavering belief isn’t incorrect. This connection I feel to her makes sense. Kagome, do you feel it too?”

“Well, I’m not sure.” She half frowned. “When papa mentioned Midoriko, I felt an undeniable interest toward her, that’s for sure. I just figured it was because she was a lot like me, and I’d never met another conjurer. At the time, I was probably ten or eleven, so I couldn’t help but want to know more about her. You know, curiosity of a kid and all. It was probably the only reason Miroku entertained the idea to seek out more information, and we snuck out of our house, borrowed my friend’s demon cat to take us, and broke into a library in another town. We really didn’t find too much on her, either. It was pretty anticlimactic, to be honest. I remember being extremely disappointed that I didn’t find a well-written biography on her like you would basic philosophers, but knowing the stigma on our kind in modern days, it sort of made sense. But, ever since, Midoriko has rarely crossed my mind.”

“Kagome, I’m the same. The difference is, when I discovered I was a conjurer, it wasn’t so detrimental to keep to ourselves. I did as much research as I could, while I could, and found little mentions of her, along with a few other names I can’t remember to this day. Midoriko stood out to me just the same, but I thought of her few times between then and the time she’d come to me. It was in that moment that I felt a deep connection to her. Maybe -“ Kikyo’s brows furrowed as an idea crossed her mind. “Maybe it was because she’d touched me, in a sense. I felt engulfed by her warm spirit. Please, may I try something?”

Kagome watched Kikyo take a few steps forward. She felt no reason to deny her request so she slipped her hand from Inuyasha’s feeble grip, slowly freeing one finger at a time as she walked forward. Kikyo raised her hand before her and Kagome apprehensively pressed her palm flat against hers. Awkward, quiet moments passed, and it was nothing short of uneventful. While Kagome was initially nervous to see what would happen, everything just sort of fell short. She had even noticed Kikyo’s nose sort of wrinkle disappointedly.

“I’ve got nothing.” Kagome mentioned, pursing her lips.

“Me too. I wonder why she told me to find you, then. What could possibly be the reason for our connection?” Kikyo said, almost troubled. It was perplexing, and she absolutely hated unsolved mysteries. “Unless, it isn’t as simple as merely touching to confirm or deny.”

“I’m not sure. Maybe we aren’t meant to know.”

“That is what I fear.” The older conjurer sighed, adjusting her palm to face upward and hold Kagome’s in a minor gesture of appreciation. While she was avidly discomfited by her inconclusive hypothesis, she’d still managed to explain every crucial detail she’d been withholding from Kagome. Their meeting was coming to an end. There was nothing more to say but goodbye. Respectfully, Kikyo placed her other hand over the top of Kagome’s, enclosing it in her warmth.

Kagome smiled. She was afraid with how pale Kikyo appeared that her blood ran cold and tired. It was pleasant and reassuring to know she was wrong. Returning the kindness, she gently placed her palm on top of Kikyo’s, both of their hands now touching.

Kagome’s heart jolted. Her abdomen tensed. All external sounds were muted. And, the world immediately went dark.

Kikyo was holding her hands tighter than even she was, nearly trembling as at least a dozen women, mass amounts of demons, blazing fire, and a powerful, swirling aura of lavender appeared around them while they stood in the middle of a pitch black orb. It was like an overwhelming sequence of events were playing without pause, thrusting into their minds so quickly that if you blinked, you’d risk missing something important. It was hard to determine relevance, though. Who were these women? Kagome had never seen a single one in her life. They all fought valiantly, each of them with their own unique weapon to fend off their enemies. So desperately, Kagome wanted to ask Kikyo if she was okay, ask her if she knew what was going on, but the two of them were struck stiff, mouths hanging agape.

The demons were wild, frenzied, and furious, slithering in the dark sky, some even flying through Kagome and Kikyo as if they were transparent. The lavender aura forcefully collided with the bleak grounds like storming tidal waves, crashing, receding, rising, and flooding. Sequentially, the women fought from left to right. Each one killed their significant foe, but was brought down by them, as well. Their final move was to look to the next woman, as if passing their duties along. Always, the next woman seemed more determined, more powerful, but no matter the strength in their resolve, their enemies always succeeded in dragging them down with them.

It was by the third that Kagome realized they were conjurers. The purple cascading around she and Kikyo was the same energy she could see when she saturated her arrows with her power. This was a history of legends they were witnessing, each one stronger than the last but still brought to their knees in a puddle of blood. By the last, she faced an enemy with no fear written in her eyes. She wore a stoic expression, armor decorating her torso, a sword on her hip, a bow and arrow in her hands, redefining the meaning of what it was to be a female warrior. Her battle was gruesome, hard to watch but harder to look away from. In the end, she killed her enemy, but bled from a deep wound in her chest.

Her dark eyes turned to she and Kikyo, and in a way to communicate, Kikyo squeezed Kagome’s hands twice, her gaze widening. It was as if she knew who that was. She seemed simultaneously in awe and stunned, and the gasp she’d inadvertently reacted with was clutched captive in her inflated chest. Kagome watched the woman, the final conjurer, limp toward them, blood oozing from her rustic armor, dripping down her leather pants and along the floor. She raised her trembling hands, curling her fingers in a motion that would typically usher them forward, but instead of the two girls moving, their naked spirits stepped from their bodies.

No longer could Kagome breathe. She wasn’t even sure if she was blinking anymore. Before her, she was looking at her raw self. It was a vaporous version, glowing vibrantly white with wispy hues of red swirling about. Her spirit looked back at her with a bright, confident smile, then spun back around to the legendary woman. Kikyo’s spirit was different. It stood tall and bold, much like her current demeanor, but a kind, small smile pushed at her lips when she regarded her own vessel for a moment longer. Kagome could see the tears brimming in the real Kikyo’s eyes, she could physically feel that though the gesture so small, it was revealing a true sweetness Kikyo hadn’t felt within herself in far too long, repressed beneath rubble of heartache and resentment. It was radiant white with smokey clouds of blue tufting about, her long, translucent hair billowing around her like their spirts were held under a body of water.

The dying conjurer, shaking horribly, smiled so sincerely as her last, living act, and as her body fell backwards to the ground, her own spirit stepped out. It was pure white, so saturated it was nearly solid, with flecks of every aura color swiftly whirling around her untouchable body. She extended both hands out to each woman, patient, compassionate, and understanding of the hesitation even their spirits harbored. At the same time, Kagome’s and Kikyo’s vaporous selves reached forward and took the woman’s hands, and in the next second, she split into uneven portions and merged with their bodies, shooting their spirits back within their vessels to return to consciousness.

Kagome blinked her dry eyes, refocusing them as she tried to regain her bearings. Her sights were on their still-grasped hands, and beneath that was the forest floor, twigs and pinecones, dirt and weeds, their legs, their boots. She could hear the breeze, the rustling leaves of the treetops above them, an urgent Inuyasha calling her name. With an exhale, she looked up into Kikyo’s eyes, the both of them holding the same, baffled expression.

As soon as they’d fully registered what they’d just experienced, both women yanked their hands away from each other, hurriedly stumbling back and away from the other to prevent another potential, terrifying vision. Kagome collided with Inuyasha’s chest and his arms instantly grabbed her waist, steadying her as he spoke anxiously.

“Are you okay? What happened, kid?”

She couldn’t answer immediately. Not even Kikyo tried to speak. The both of them looked insanely bewildered, eyes directed right at each other. Inuyasha had tried to pull Kagome away, had tried to reach her, but the opposite conjurer’s creepy, flying snake got in the way and refused to let him near. As much as he wanted to kill the damn thing for stopping him from getting close to Kagome, he figured so long as she was standing, breathing, and generally okay, he’d wait out whatever the fuck was happening.

“Hey - uh - Kikyo?” Kagome finally spoke, albeit waveringly.

“Yeah?” Her tone nearly matched.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I don’t know. I hadn’t anticipated it.”

“Was that -“

“Yeah. That was Midoriko.”

Her jaw dropped just a little further, her brow crinkling, perplexed. “Oh. Okay. Alright.” She replied shakily.

“That wasn’t…” Things were progressively processing for Kikyo, her eyebrows pinching together to create lines in between. Caramel eyes shifted to the side, her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip momentarily. “That wasn’t an even division.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Kagome commented lightly.

“No wonder…” Kikyo breathed. “No wonder. It makes so much sense now. I don’t just lack the heart, but I’ve always lacked the true power. I’ve been giving it my all for so long, and while I’ve made a dent, that’s all I’ve managed. I get it now. I’m truly not strong enough in more ways than one.”

“Wait, I’m confused.” Kagome said.

“So am I.” Inuyasha joined, still holding his companion’s sides while finding it necessary to remind them that he was there. He still had no idea what had just occurred and no one had given a single context clue to inform him of a goddamn thing yet. Kagome turned her head to regard him slightly, but he could tell by her unsteady glance that she couldn’t give him an immediate recap. Not yet.

“You mean to tell me, you didn’t know?”

“Know what? That it wasn’t a fifty-fifty division?”

“Yeah.”

“No. I had no way to confirm that up until now.”

“But, you’d said you were the distraction while I was the weapon. You’d said I was meant to be stronger than you. With what we just saw, I’d assumed that’s what you were referring to.”

“Kagome, I said that simply because I could not do it. To me, that’s what it felt like. I do not have it in me to kill Naraku, and Midoriko told me you were vital to the mission. My assumption was what I’d told you. I keep his attention until you’re ready, I do everything I can to weaken him, and then you’ll complete the task.”

“I’m going to assume you guys got some sort of answer pertaining to being Midoriko’s reincarnations. So, if Kikyo was right and it’s the both of you, what the hell do you mean it isn’t fifty-fifty?” Inuyasha asked, stepping to stand at Kagome’s side as soon as she seemed stable.

“It’s more like seventy-thirty.” Kikyo stated.

“And, who got what?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.” She replied.

“But, what do you mean it makes sense to you? I don’t understand. Aren’t you extremely powerful? You’re able to pull off dark conjurings without your heart being tainted; I don’t feel any darkness coming from you.” Kagome said, sounding sort of flustered and rushed to comprehend Kikyo’s position. “You’ve gotta be stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. Just because you lack the moral justifications to kill your ex-lover doesn’t make you weak! It makes you passionate!”

“No, Kagome. What I’m saying is, I’m not as strong as I thought I was supposed to be. I kept pushing myself to my limits time and time again but all it felt like I was doing was hurting myself. I thought if I had at least fifty percent of Midoriko’s soul in me on top of my own, then that was more than enough to take down Naraku, but my heart was never there. So, then I considered that maybe it was because I didn’t receive Midoriko’s resoluteness. Maybe it was because I was her brain and you were her heart, so together we would be unstoppable.

“It’s been so long, Kagome. I’ve been giving more of me to this mission than my body can handle. I’ve been sick for years. My shinidamachu keeps me alive with the souls of deceased women, but I can feel the thread I’m hanging on by. I am convinced that if I had not figured out how to call this spirit of the underworld to me, I would have died long ago. I am not using dark magic correctly, and it’s further taking from my light. You may not feel the darkness coming from me, and I believe that’s because that part of Midoriko mutes it, but I certainly do. It’s minimal, but with what’s left of me, it’s substantial. It’s like a congested battle raging within my chest. Do you understand now? Do you get it?” Kikyo, though tearing up sorrowfully, smiled in such a manner of relief. How long had she spent admonishing herself? How long had she cursed herself for thinking she had more in her than she could spare? How many times had she vomited the contents of her stomach out, been reduced to fevers, aches, and profuse sweating? Her expectations on herself weren’t just high because she felt that piece of Midoriko inside of her, but also because she felt the crushing weight of guilt for being partially responsible for Naraku. And, by using dark magic to call to Kagome, to save the life of her sister, to try and stay alive herself, she was unconsciously hastening the pace of her own demise.

Everything clicked. Everything was lining up now. Kagome was key because Kagome not only had the majority of Midoriko’s power, but her own soul, her compassion, her heart was not impaled by darkness. Even with the pain she’s experienced, the trauma that still eats away at her, that reappears whenever a trigger she can rarely identify beforehand causes her to quake, even with the loss, the apathy, the cold moments at night when she questioned if she even believed in a higher power anymore, Kagome avidly held tight to who she truly was. At the end of the day, there was no sense in trying to control what had happened, there was no use in attempting to reverse what had already come to fruition. While it has, in fact, fazed her, it hasn’t changed her negatively. It’s taken so much effort, so much resilience to resist the pull to let it take her, and sometimes smiling took more endeavor than she felt flowing through her veins, but she still stood up. It didn’t matter if Kagome was sobbing, was crashing and burning, was quivering and exhausted. She would cry while she maneuvered her legs beneath her body and pushed herself to stand. The darkness has touched her heart, yes. Whose heart hasn’t it touched in this day and age? What was important was that she fought it back. She physically pushed the darkness away like it was men impeding on her territory. She cried to release that anger and resentment, she yelled to release that heat and vexation, and she never gave up. Never did she leave the battlefield unscathed, but the scar tissue that had formed was what helped her become who she is right here and now. Because, her hardened heart was like a shell that protected the light within.

How could Kikyo not crumble under the pressure she’d been under? How could her eyes ever glimmer with hope when she’d had to willingly forfeit the one person she loved unconditionally all due to a person she’d mistakenly given too much of her heart to? He’d tricked her into trusting him, into caring for him, and repaid her with violence, grief, and taunting laughter. As if inflicting pain on her was an easy task. Even Kagome would be broken if someone she trusted her heart with treated it as an invaluable object, dropping it to the floor and stepping all over it with heavy boots. It was betrayal at its finest.

She was seventeen when they’d met. He’d groomed her. He’d gotten lucky with his pick of young, vulnerable women and groomed her to his liking, but when she finally resisted, he turned on her like she meant nothing. Kagome couldn’t blame Kikyo, and although she persisted, although she squared her shoulders and fought tooth and nail, Kagome understood why her brown eyes were dull and lifeless, and her skin was ghostly white.

Feeling like she was supposed to be capable of so much more, Kikyo had learned to feel unwell about herself. If Kagome were in her position, she couldn’t imagine being comfortable in her own skin. Just recently, she’d struggled with that exact thing, but it wasn’t nearly on the same level as Kikyo’s anguish. It was horrible imagining the burdens sitting on her shoulders, like cinderblocks pulling them down while she pleaded with herself to shrug it off and stand up straight. Kagome wondered if even she’d be able to overcome all that Kikyo had been through.

Everyone’s story was different. Everyone’s strengths and weaknesses were unique. It didn’t make you bigger or smaller than the person to your left. Everyone handled things their own way, and everyone had their breaking point. But, Kikyo’s smile right now was both the saddest and most joyful thing Kagome had ever witnessed from her. It was like some of that weight was finally lifting, some of those insults she’d thrown at herself were finally dissipating, some of the pressure was releasing and all it took was a little bit of clarity.

“It’s conflicting, you know?” Kikyo breathed. “I still have a long way to go. I still have to fight, and I still have to face Naraku. But, it’s liberating to see that my limitations cannot exceed what they are. I don’t have to push myself for the impossible anymore. I cannot rest, but at the same time, it feels like I already am.”

She wouldn’t have to be so forceful on herself from this point forward. Kikyo was giving this fight her all, and she could be at peace with what she had to give now. It was enough. It was more than enough.

“Naraku…” Kagome started. “When was the last time you saw him, Kikyo?”

The conjurer inhaled and exhaled slowly, sucking in her bottom lip as she pondered. “Maybe a couple of years ago. I’ve face his puppets, and some of his personal creations, but him in the flesh? It’s been a while.”

“You haven’t seen him?”

“He wont face me, himself.”

“Maybe because he can’t.” Inuyasha said. “I’m not trying to level with him, and I want to preface this with the fact that I still think he’s a fucking creep, but maybe this is a sign that, much like you, it’s difficult to be the hand that strikes.”

“That is not comforting.” Kikyo admitted, caramel eyes shying downward. “I do not want to think about him loving me. It’s disgusting.”

“That’s fine. Don’t. That doesn’t change the reality of it all. This tells me that you might be his weakness.”

“I am only his weakness because I am a conjurer.”

It wasn’t right to argue with Kikyo right now. It was clearly distressing for her to consider the plausibility of the situation, so Inuyasha shut his mouth, glancing down at Kagome as she regarded him just the same. He could see it in her eyes, too. She felt similarly. Even without knowing Naraku’s recent side of things, she was contemplating the potentiality of what Inuyasha had claimed.

“If you don’t mind, would you keep Kaede out of this?” Kikyo asked, and although she hadn’t looked up, it was clear that she was more talking to Inuyasha.

“Kikyo, I don’t know if I can make that promise.” He stated honestly. He wasn’t harsh, he wasn’t defensive, he was simply replying with honorable intentions.

“Please?” She nearly faltered, clutching her fists at her side as she bowed her head from view.

“I understand why you did it initially, but Kaede isn’t a child anymore. She should have the right to her own freewill, and that includes choosing to know the truth of what happened. I don’t believe she needs sheltering, and she’ll be the first to tell you that.”

“I don’t want her involved.”

“She already is. She was the moment your home was attacked, and the moment you took her eye.”

“But -“

“I get it, Kikyo. I do. I’m not trying to be thoughtless. But, one thing I need you to remember is I’m not on your side. We have nothing more than a mutual understanding and a mutual interest, but you and I are indifferent toward each other. Am I wrong?”

“No, but that’s my sister. That’s my baby sister, Inuyasha.” She declared powerfully, shooting her bleary gaze up at him. “I reserve the right to decide what’s best for her, because no one would know better than I.”

Inuyasha gave a simple shake of his head, and still his expression held no malice. “You gave up that right. You gave up that right the moment you faked your death and left her alone. I know that stings, and I’m really not intending to come off carelessly, but that’s the truth. The version of Kaede in your mind is still that fifteen year old girl, isn’t it? The young teenager she was just before Naraku attacked, right? Well, she’s actually in her mid twenties now. Kaede is an adult, so even if you hadn’t left, that right would still belong solely to her. I’m going to bring it up, Kikyo. I’m going to give Kaede the choice of knowing what actually happened so long ago.”

“Kagome.” She urgently tried, reaching for the opposite conjurer to convince the hanyou otherwise. Kagome’s sights had shied to the ground, hugging her arm inward as she allowed them to talk one-to-one, but she glanced upward now, a small frown marring her features. Kikyo could see it immediately. She could read the look as well as if the expression were written in text, and her chin quivered in response. “Kagome, please.”

“I’m sorry.” Kagome spoke softly, kindly. “Even if I did agree with you, Inuyasha’s right. Kaede deserves to know. She doesn’t need protection, she would be upset if we treated her that way, and truthfully, it would be inappropriate to sit on information like this. The way I see it is, out of the three of us, Inuyasha’s the closest to her -”

“That’s not true.” Kikyo interjected.

“She doesn’t know you’re alive, Kikyo. She will always love you, and you will always love her, but it is true. At this point, you have no connection to her outside of your bloodline. Inuyasha is her friend, and they trust each other. He isn’t bringing it up to disrespect you. He’s bringing it up out of respect for her.”

“You really wont budge?” Kikyo asked, and it was inconclusive as to who that question was directed to. Just in case, both Kagome and Inuyasha shook their heads in reply. “Then, will you please pass along a message? Tell her I don’t want her looking for me. Tell her I will come to her when all is done. Tell her I’m sorry.”

“I can do that.” Inuyasha agreed.

Kikyo could only manage to regard them both with small glances after that. Justifiably, she was upset, but she appeared too physically drained to outwardly react as such.

“Take care of yourself.” She quietly said to Kagome before turning around on her heel and heading off through the trees, her soul collector swirling in the air just behind her.

“You too.” Kagome whispered.

The breeze was the only sound passing around them now, filling the silence as Inuyasha and Kagome were once more alone with one another. It had been moments since Kikyo walked away, and it was sort of like they couldn’t just go back to the way things were before she’d appeared. There was too much to sort through, too many emotions had emerged in that time, and now they were left standing in dense waters.

With a synchronous and guttural sigh from the both of them, Kagome and Inuyasha made their ways down to their butts. They didn’t bother with finding a rock or log to sit on, didn’t bother finding a different location, because moving further right now was simply impossible. So, they made themselves comfortable and promptly sat where they once stood, closing their eyes in defeat as they mulled over the series of events.

“That was exhausting.” Kagome half-whined, crossing her legs and burying her face in her hands.

“Oh, she’s -“ Inuyasha rubbed his forehead, pushing the hair from his face briefly. “She’s a piece of work.”

The two looked at each other. Their tired, concerned expressions shifting to defeated smiles as they sort of just started laughing.

“So, what do you want to do?” She asked, leaning back on her hands. “You want to head back to Kaede’s? We’re not all that far.”

“I’m not sure yet. I can’t make that split-second decision considering the circumstances. Let me think on it for a moment.” He wagered. “In the meantime…”

Though there was no end to that sentence, Kagome could easily grasp what he was looking for. He wanted an explanation. She had to commend him for his patience. On his end, how did everything look? Did she just stand there motionless, or did it seem like something was wrong? If she were in his position, it would have driven her insane not knowing what was going on and then, thereafter, having to wait for any sort of detail to piece it all together.

“I saw Midoriko.” She started. “Actually, I saw all the successors before her, too. At least, that’s what I’m guessing. None of them spoke directly to us. It was more like we were watching the endings of each of their lives, how they fought, how they died, who was responsible, and then their spirit joined with the next person. There was about twelve, and they all died in battle. By the time Midoriko died, her soul was nearly solid. I saw my soul, too. It was - it was weird.”

“I can imagine.” His brows had furrowed, turning his body to fully face hers now. “You guys came out of that looking like you’d seen a ghost, so I guess that makes sense.”

“It was crazy, Inuyasha.” She exclaimed. “Demons were everywhere, it was so dark, and it was like an all out war that we were standing in the middle of. Midoriko pulled our souls from our bodies and joined them, and that’s when we came back.”

“So, seventy-thirty?”

“Yeah.” Her voice dropped. “Something like that.”

“Still shocked you can blow an entire field away now?”

“Honestly, yeah. Everything’s just so surreal right now, it’s hard to think this isn’t made up.” Kagome’s eyes fell to his legs, following the sewn pattern on the hem of his pants to distract herself. “I’m the reincarnation of someone. It doesn’t feel right to say that. Suddenly, it’s like it’s not just me in here. I watched her merge a huge portion of her soul with mine, so that tells me she’s just part of me, but thinking about it feels weird. It’s hard to explain. I just don’t know what to think or how to feel right now.”

“What, are you having an identity crisis? Kid, it doesn’t matter if you’re the reincarnation of someone. You didn’t inherit their personality traits or their thinking patterns. I’m willing to bet you didn’t even inherit their looks, because if that were true, you and Kikyo would look more similar. As far as I saw, the only thing you two had in common was hair color, and even that wasn’t an exact match. What you inherited was strength, and it’s not even a birth right. It’s more like grand potential. You still have to work your ass off to get it, but the chance is there. Your decisions, your actions, your morals, that’s all you. Your tastes, your style, your brain, your heart, that’s you too. Overall, you’re Kagome. You’ve always been Kagome, and you always will be. Now, you just have a bit more to back up your resolve. You know that your individual strength will be supported by a… generator of sorts.” Inuyasha chuckled.

He’d managed to get her to crack a smile. Kagome couldn’t tell if he was bullshitting her to make her feel better, or if he truly believed what he said. He was incredibly honest, though, so she couldn’t help but want to take his word for it and find comfort in it all. Either way, she appreciated his quick wit.

There was still something pulling on her heart. It wasn’t about Midoriko, it wasn’t the fact that she’d just witnessed the reenactment of twelve gory deaths, it was about Kikyo. She was pale with such deep under eye circles because she’d been killing herself. She’d believed for so long that she was supposed to be stronger, and for years she stretched her boundaries thin and her resources dry. All to the point where she had to rely on lost souls of dead women to keep some sort of force in her body. And, still, her battle raged on. Everything she’d said after the revelation was so depressing but seeped from her mouth as if it were relieving, and Kagome had a hard time understanding the solace behind it all.

“Kikyo,” She whispered. “Do you think she’s going to be okay?”

“I’m not worried about her.” He replied, his voice low and soothing.

“But, you heard her. She was sick.”

“Because she didn’t know her limits. Now she does.” Inuyasha leaned forward a bit. He didn’t like the sadness on Kagome’s face, and while he praised her empathy, he wanted to fight it off at the same time. It wasn’t allowed to make her head hang low, it wasn’t allowed to drain her as if the other conjurer’s ailments were her own. “Just like you have to learn your restrictions and understand how to properly use your powers, so does she. Now, she has insight she didn’t have before. Now, she knows that if she doesn’t back off, she’ll get too sick to keep going. Kikyo was under the impression that she needed to work harder to reach her maximum potential, but it was counterintuitive because she was depleting her life source. Now, if she respects her body and her abilities properly, she’ll be able to get healthy again. Then, she’ll be the force to be reckoned with that she was reaching for.”

“The dark magic she’s been using… the effects of it wont go away just like that, though.”

“That’s something she’s going to have to deal with, kid. You win some, you lose some, but she knew what she was doing when she made that choice. She didn’t look like she was having a pity party, so don’t feel like you need to feel bad for her.”

“But, I do. All of this is - it’s becoming so much more real than it was before. I didn’t know it could, but it has. It’s scary.” She locked eyes with the hanyou. “I’m scared.”

Inuyasha couldn’t stop himself. Kagome didn’t look sad or hurt, she didn’t look small or timid, she didn’t even look defeated. She neither trembled nor cried. She just spoke her truth. She told him how she felt, and fear was always a deeper emotion that was hard for anyone to come forward with. Unless it was an involuntary scream given in reaction to a jump scare or a fall, fear was something so often pushed back and hidden behind scowls and broadened shoulders. And, he appreciated being trusted with it. So, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching forward. His fingers tenderly pushed longer strands of her dark hair behind her ear, repeating the motion soothingly while he slipped in soft touches to caress her cheek before gently, so gently, cradling her jaw.

“I know you are. But, you’re safe.” He said, his tone husky.

Kagome leaned into his touch, nodding and sighing out. Her shoulders relaxed some and her brown eyes closed momentarily while she relished in the peace he provided.

“You still know I don’t expect you to protect me, right?” She mentioned quietly, glancing up at his amber eyes. He hadn’t wavered. Inuyasha didn’t pull away, didn’t look away, his expression remaining soft but noble. His fingers curled around the back of her neck and he pulled her closer an inch, his soothing scent washing over her.

“Who said anything about feeling obligated?”

| previous chapter | <- -> | next chapter |

[actualsunflower]

I have a huge life update to share rn--- My top surgery consultation is scheduled for July 5th!!!! I’M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!! I’ve also been vaccinated!! :D ANNNDDD MY LEGAL NAME AND SEX HAVE BEEN CHANGEDD!!!!! :DDDD kind of a lot has happened since I’ve been actually active around here But now I guess is the much harder part, my official surgery date will be set at the consultation, but there’s a required $1,000 fee to set the official date for my surgery. The $1,000 covers a portion of the surgery as well, and the base price for the surgery is $8,500. I’ll get the exact price on July 5th, but that’s their base rate. I need to earn or raise at least $1,000 of the total cost before July 5th to secure my surgery date!! I’m going to take commissions when I can, I have 1 almost entirely complete right now and then I can take on more! I’m gonna have a more detailed explanation of everything under the cut so this isnt super super long so pls read under there if you want all the deets Pls consider commissioning me or donating so I can get top surgery!! read more for more info and me being sappy abt my emotions--

I’ve waited so long for this and I’m fricken excited, it’s the last step in transitioning for me! It really means everything for me, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and I can’t believe it’s finally happening !?!!! I am forever in everyones debt here and everywhere because I never wouldve even been able to start hrt if it wasn’t for the help here. I’m just so. Overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude I cant even tell how many times Ive cried and just felt like... actual gender euphoria since starting t..

So abt the appointment, I’m getting surgery with Dr. Javad Sajan, and I’m getting button hole double incision. Im serious his before and after pictures make me so emotional I am so happy and emotional for those people and I cannot wait to feel that kind of happiness and relief. But a big problem about this for me, is that he is in Seattle, and I live in southern Oregon. I can’t drive, so I have to rely on someone else, or take the train from a nearby city (Eugene). My consultation is over skype (which is amazing and a huge relief), but my pre-op appointment is in person, and of course so is the actual surgery. We’re planning on taking the train from Eugene because it seems to be the most reliable way to get there and back each time. Aside from my surgery, I’ve got to cover the price of the trip there and back (twice, once there and back for pre-op, once there and back post op,) and the price of a place to stay during the pre-op appointment. Right now my goal cost wise, is just the booking and base appointment price ($8,500, that’s including the $1,000 appointment setting deposit, which is just a part of the surgery cost and the base covers everything, surgery, the stay at the hospital, nips, anesthesia, everything). The full price is due at the pre-op appointment, and that’s the final bill. My insurance doesn’t cover anything because it’s out of state and county, and because its informed consent model. (which Im choosing because Id have to battle insurance for 2 years minimum if I was getting the surgery in Oregon, but I am very set on my surgeon after considering everything and calling many offices and looking through many subreddits and talking to ppl who’ve gotten it here and there) A lot of this information is on their site as well. As soon as I have my consultation, I will be right here to update everything and set the exact price, which I’ll also be including the price of transportation and staying there. As for paying, I’ve been applying to so many jobs, and even when I get interviews I never hear back from them. People keep telling me to stop admitting I’m disabled but I just can’t do that. Lying about being disabled doesnt make me abled and they don’t get that. I’m still trying though, and I am not going to stop trying until I get a job. But until then commissions and donations are my only source of income. I’ve been struggling getting help psychologically, because I have schizophrenia, and because I was diagnosed with adhd as a child, but I think I’m actually autistic rather than having adhd, and it’s been really hard trying to get diagnosed because I keep getting pushed off or told I cant have autism because I have paranoid schizophrenia or because its “just adhd”, but the medications are just making everything worse, and Ive tried more than one already. My medications for schizophrenia have started not working right, and when my schizophrenia meds get under control, it makes my adhd (?) significantly worse. Genuinely, I really dont know what’s happening. I really dont know whats going on with me right now and it’s hard and confusing and I keep swinging back and forth and it’s making everything deteriorate so fast I cant keep up with it. It seriously effects my ability to do anything at all, even art, and its been like this for the last 6 months. I am trying though, still trying to work, still trying to get a job, still trying to get a real diagnosis and help and Im not going to stop any of that. But I think getting top surgery as soon as possible is going to help me too, because dysphoria has just gotten so much worse focusing on my chest since t has started helping me pass and look so much more masculine. It’s like all my attention went from everything DIRECTLY to my chest and its almost unbearable. Even now since my sex has been legally changed I keep having the horrible thoughts of ‘why, why I am a man Im not supposed to be this way’ and shit idk. I’m getting too serious right now I have an appointment with the dmv to get a new updated driver’s permit with my name and fixed legal sex, and when I do that I can set up a bank account (I cant yet bcs I dont have a valid id/ id at all because I actually lost the other one and have been carrying around that paper one you’re supposed to destroy that is literally from 2016) and when I do, I’m going to set up a proper gofundme for my surgery and the travel expenses, but for now all I have is my paypal and online banking savings account. I’ll get that up asap once I have my id, though (Ive already been to the bank with my notarized judge passed papers and they wont take those yeah I know it’s stupid its like the same thing) But uhhh yeah! Thank you for reading this far if you did lol and considering helping me bcs my god, it literally means everything to me. pls share hehe

[charlieisacastle]

Edge of Sleep Plot Holes

please do not read this post if you don't want spoilers or noticing plot holes ruins your experience of the story!

its not my intention to shit on teos. i just thought some ppl might find this interesting like i do!

okaaaaay fellow peeps that pay too much attention to story plots!

lets start with the tame ones shall we,

1. name confusion:

this one is most definitely fixed in the show but in ep2 they call the 16 year old John. but in ep3 when linda is doing the autopsy she calls the 16 year old Dewain. i think they accidentally mixed up his name with the old patient with heartburn.

2. papua new guinea:

linda just k n o w s where the island dave is referring to is and how long its gonna take to get there with a plane???? how???? we dont get ANY description where linda does a quick google search or idk any other clue as to how she'd know that. i hope they give her a phone in that scene in the show so she can do a quick search cuz that was just weird to me tbh.

now on to actual plot holes...mostly about linda...they definitely could've worked on her section more tbh!

3. internet:

in ep2 linda asks dave to give her a ride bc her phone isnt working. since they can still call each other and even linda herself calls the hospital later in the story, im assuming she means her internet isnt working so she cant get an uber.

but that raises the question of how linda managed to google those victims' names in ep5 if they didnt hv any internet before. now i dont know how things work in US so maybe there is a very simple explanation but where i live if your cell data isnt working then the wifi isnt working either.

4. linda and dave finding out that sleeping kills people:

when linda calls the hospital to confirm her hypothesis that sleeping is whats killing people and she finds out that her co worker is dead, why doesnt she call the hospital again to let them know?

they had already set up tension between her and the doctor/other nurses so itd still make sense for the stroy if they dont believe her and leave. but it doesnt make sense for linda's character who is written as the "voice of reason" and the "calm and collected one" to not share her findings with the people in the hospital.

in my humble opinion, the scene where dave calls matteo by the hospital hoping he is still awake, shouldve also happened when they find out that sleep is the answer...or rather the anti-answer lol.

if linda and dave called the hospital and matteo by the car it wouldve made much more sense and also shown us a more compassionate side of them both. now being in shock and confused by all of this is absolutely an option for dave but linda was calculating from the start so its very out of character for her to not warn others.

6. night owls:

a lot of people are awake at 4 am. some ppl work night jobs just like dave and matteo and some hv insomnia or woke up for an early jog. it absolutely makes sense for most of those ppl to be back to their houses and asleep by 10 am but linda and matteo driving around the city and not seeing A Single Person or Any Shops open at 7 am is impossible. some drug stores are opened 24/7 and even if the cashier is asleep/dead, the doors are still open. not to mention that some ppl r driving back from their night shift around that time.

if the time when they drive into the city was around 11 am most of these problems wouldve been solved bc by then most ppl would be asleep.

5. the timezones:

if the...lets call it 'the attack' was at 4 am in california then its 7 am in the east coast and the day has already started in the other side of the country like nyc and dc. not to mention the rest of the world. in the first day at least half of the world is still alive and alerted about the fact that the other half is dead.

and even in the west coast some ppl r still gonna be awake and scared. yes most of those ppl wont survive by the third day but there would definitely be survivors in the first day or so.

other people can and probably will figure out that sleep is whats killing everyone just like linda and dave did and even tho most of them wont hv the supplies our protags hv (like the modafinil or a private airplane with a trained pilot...or a whale telling them where to go...) some could actually hv even more physical resources than dave and the group.

there r 7+ BILLION ppl in the world to assume that these four r the only ppl (other than the tribe of course) that r still alive especially in the first few days is ridiculous.

now why does that matter? bc dave is presented as the middle man. the one who is both empathetic but also mostly logical. he isnt too positive neither too negative, but realistic. so for him to constantly say and genuinely believe that they r the only ppl alive breaks the immersion and makes the story feel artificial. for someone like dave not to wonder what happened to other ppl who r out there struggling and instead believe everyone is already dead by the second day is unrealistic and too apathetic for his character.

not to mention that it makes the world way too centred around our protags. that usually happens when most of the story is from the first person perspective and i KNOW that its supposed to make us feel as isolated as they r feeling but again, its a bit too much and makes the story unbelievable and artificial. instead of living on earth they r living in a snow globe if that makes sense.

6. parasomnia + REM sleep behavioural disorder:

this one is less of a plot hole and more of a "plz explain this in season 2" thing.

there r other ppl with dave's disorder. so does that mean the old man also contacted them? did any of them join the trible in the island?

or is dave special like they foreshadowed by the fact that the tribal people had dreamt of him?

(also i know we hv spirit monsters in this story so not everything is "logical" but does the fact that there r sleep walkers mean that the ppl that r dead can be revived? bc they were walking and talking and u usually cant do that if ur brain is burnt...)

I NEED ANSWERS

k.bye.