#but i also feel like people are going to be disappointed

[makingqueerhistory]

":')))))))) you realise that gen AI is available to everyone though right??? Queer creators can use it just as much as anyone else??? I just don't understand this post... It really feels like a cheap way to get on the 'AI Bad's bandwagon, and coming from such a thoughtful and insightful creator that's incredibly disappointing... It's okay to not comment on subjects you're not an expert in y'know...?"

Y'all know the drill, I am replying to this publicly but that is not an invitation to send any negative messages to the person I am replying to.

Anyways, let me start by saying that the original context of the post you're replying to is discussing an event where a queer org used generative AI to steal an interview with Keri Hulme. So let's start there. To be clear I don't even know if the original interviewer was queer so let's put the identities of stealer and stolen from to the side. I want to explain the harm done in this example specifically and I hope this is illustrative of what harm generative AI can (and does) do.

The original place I saw generative AI was a queer org that explicitly says they are using generative AI "for good", and as a way to bring more queer history to light. So let's take them at their word, and assume they are not out to cause harm. This is the best example of generative AI that I can imagine, so I hope that makes it clear that I am not coming at this issue from bad faith in any way.

Here is the harm they are causing:

Decontextualizing and rephrasing an interview: I am not going to pretend that I am an expert in academic best practices, but I do believe one thing, if a person is speaking on their own identity and lived experience, it is always much better to directly quote than it is to rephrase. As I read this source, I initially didn't know that it was AI, and I was already upset. An interview that is widely available on the internet with no pay wall, was poorly sourced and made more vague than it was in the initial text. By creating one degree of seperation between the original words of A WRITER (whose literal job was largely based in choosing the right words to describe experiences they had) harm is already done. It makes vague what was once clear, and removes Keri Hulme's voice from her own narrative.

The original interviewer is not paid, or given proper recognition: I get it, sometimes just copy pasting an interview doesn't feel transformative enough, but something that one would learn if they worked in the queer history field and weren't a literal robot rehashing what has already been said, is that not everything needs to be transformed. In those cases, we give credit to the person who said the original words (in this case Keri Hulme), and the interviewer who facillitated the conversation (in this case Shelley Bridgeman). This case (again a best case scenario), takes the attention and byline away from the original interviewer and gives it to an AI.

The original publisher of this story is deinsentivised from paying interviewers in the future: The original publisher of this interview has ads on their website. As a person who also has ads on their website, taking an article like this and rephrasing it for no good reason (the orginal word count was not prohibitive and the rephrasing did not make it more readable), takes money from the publisher. It's pennies, but it's also removing numbers could have been used to justify further interviews with asexual people and archiving of asexual stories. The org that stole from this publication does not interview people themselves so the money and numbers that could have gone to continue to preserve asexual stories goes to stealing them instead.

These are just the active harms that I saw in this specific case. As you said, I am not an expert in generative AI, and will not be speaking as if I am. But I will say that asking me not to speak out on active harm that is being caused in queer history spaces, is disrespectful to my many years in this field.

To illustrate this even clearer: if you were a patron, you would know I recently took down an old article. I have been rereading and editing our backlist of articles, and I found one that no longer fit my standards of sourcing. My standards had recently raised due to a video made by HBomberguy about someone in the queer history space who was stealing from other creators. I watched this video not as a work project, but because I watch most of HBomberguys videos, and this one made me think more critically about sourcing. An AI can't do that. All an AI has is what has been inputted, and it is right now impossible to input every available peice of information about ethics into an AI and get a coherent ethical basis on which it will function.

It is a distinctly human trait to absorb information and change in that way. AI can rephrase information that already exists, steal it, recontextualize it even, but it cannot create something altogether new.

Do I believe that there one day might be an ethical use for Generative AI? Maybe. Do I believe that coming into a queer history space, stealing the words of a Maori asexual author, rephrasing them, and giving the original interviewer and publication no form of compensation for their work, is accomplishing that? No.

On a more personal note: I am coming at this issue with a bias. As a queer history creator, I do not want AI in my space, because it is literally damaging to my financial prospects. It has been like pulling teeth to try and get patrons in the current state of the global economy. I don't blame anyone from that, but I feel very disrespected that I am being asked to compete with a machine now. Not only that, but I am being asked to shut up and be fine with it? No, absolutely not. I cannot and will not stay quiet as space that I have fought tooth and nail to create in mainstream discussions is taken and given to AI.

AI was not supporting me when I was sent gore to try and scare me off of discussing queer history. A person did that. AI was not there to tell me I had written too many sad stories, and I needed some happy endings to remind myself of the good in the world. A person did that. AI was not there when I was being harrassed for supporting and including asexual stories on my website. A person did that.

And after all that, I am being asked to lie down and take it when my ability to pay the people who supported me in those ways, is being threatened. Nope. Not going to happen.

An AI doesn't have to make rent. An AI doesn't understand what it feels like to have to stop holding their wife's hand in public. An AI didn't get calls from people needing comfort in reaction to the election. Pay me for my work, and get this AI nonsense out of my face.

[postcardsfromheapside]

I need to be salty for a hot second about people who are upset about aspects of Lucanis' romance.

I'll put everything else under the break for spoilers, but in general, I am so disappointed in a large portion of this fanbase who apparently thought "disaster" meant "romantasy," but also it's in keeping with how a lot of people seem unable to put things in context.

One of the complaints I keep seeing run past is that the scene where you commit to a relationship with Lucanis seems pefunctory, or out of the blue, there's nothing really romantic about it, it's too similar to the platonic route, etc, etc, ETC.

I romanced Emmrich, but I've seen other people's versions of romancing Lucanis. I'm just going to kind of word vomit here, and hope I can come up with something cohesive.

As someone who id's with Lucanis for "generational abuse" and "dumpster fire disaster bi" and "using socially acceptable drugs as coping mechanisms in place of addressing your problems" reasons, it's been really fucking annoying watching the almost deliberate misinterpretation of his character even after Mary Kirby dropped several explanations on social media. It's like a large part of the fanbase saw all that and turned into the "yes yes, very sad...anyway!" meme and went right on fetishizing him...then got mad when he didn't turn into the seductive Dom with wings they were hoping for.

You commit to Lucanis after (what I consider) a very intense scene inside his "mind prison." He's struggling so much internally that Spite wrests control of his body from him in front of witnesses and begs Rook to help them. Lucanis would never ask Rook to do so on his own, he's terrible at asking for the help he truly needs. Spite drags Rook into the Fade Ossuary and demands they free Lucanis from his self-imposed prison. And whether you're a friend or would-be lover, Rook slowly talks Lucanis out of a host of self doubts regarding his family and friends. Can he trust himself not to hurt other people, now that he's saddled with this affliction? Has he disappointed the people he cares about most? Do these new people he's coming to care about actually trust and care about him? The rooms are filled with fragmented thoughts that peter out into regrets. You're literally seeing Lucanis' fractured and complicated emotions.

One of them tore a hole straight through me: "You'd have to kill me...And Spite would die."

You'd have to kill him to get rid of the demon. And he'd regret the death of the demon that's protected him and given him strength, through a brutal year of betrayal and torment. I don't know if y'all remember the scenes in the Ossuary of the failed experiments and the corpses you had to pass to get to his jar of blood. It wasn't fun.

When you break out of the mind prison after helping him bond with Spite, it's intimate and momentous, even on a platonic route. You've seen desperate and lonely parts of him he'd never willingly show anyone.

As you're convincing Lucanis that it's okay to leave his mind-prison, you tell him you understand that it's easier to deal with problems like the Ossuary and Zara than healing and living with Spite, potentially hurting people he cares about. But he wants to. It's Rook's job to help him see a path out, a way for him to make the struggle easier so he can begin to heal himself.

I need to stress: you aren't "fixing" him. You're acting as his lighthouse, regardless of whether you're a friend or a lover. Sometimes people need help. He's still going to have to do the work to get there.

As a friend, it was extremely rewarding to come back to the kitchen and see him doing exactly as I'd hoped: moving on with the business of *living*. He made a nice dinner for everyone he's come to care for, and a special dessert for Neve. Cooking is where Lucanis finds creativity, and comfort, and connection with his friends and family. He isn't very good with words, but he will note everything you consume, and try to make you feel loved by expressing it that way.

Which is why I think it's important you don't dismiss the commitment on the romantic route. He remembers YOUR favorite drink and makes YOU a special dessert if you're romancing him. Lucanis isn't going to get poetic. You've already made him feel raw. You've seen the ugly, embarassing parts of him. What is he supposed to say? Usually it takes Spite reaching through his body to actually be direct. Instead, Lucanis reaches for food, his favorite medium, to try and apologize for inadvertently showing you those things, to thank you for helping him despite seeing what he considers the most shameful parts of him. Your commitment is letting him know that you value him, that he has nothing to be ashamed of, that you understand what he's trying to express with his struggling communication skills, which appear to get better as your relationship progresses from there.

It's weird that some of y'all don't feel that this is heartfelt and important, because you'd rather him act out some sensuous fantasy trope. It's also weird that some of you haven't figured out that many scenes in RPG's can be similar on platonic and romantic routes with tweaks to shade context.

(Also just in case this comes up: cooking is not his "love language" - that whole concept was invented by a misogynistic weirdo and we should remove it from our ideas of communication)

Anyway, this guy is my Rook's bestie and I'll go down swinging for him, you should appreciate the fuck out of him and stop acting like his writer didn't craft a perfectly funny little weirdo who is bad at showing people his tender parts and terrible at interpersonal relationships.

[notoriouslydevious]

It's so embarrassing looking at Elementalist Lux and Dj Sona and how the ultimate tier skins were just lesser and lesser until they're not even called ultimate skins at all. They come up with this "new tier" but it's just a legendary skin with a chroma and a $200 price tag.

Lux had 10 forms, all having unique voice lines, unique VFX, a pack with icons, a ward, when you'd have her as your profile background it would be a moving image. It's still the best skin in league. You also had a mission to be able to switch between the forms IN GAME.

Dj Sona only had 3 forms but you could switch between them whenever you wanted and your whole team gets to listen to your music. 3 icons as well that, again, when you had her icon as your summoner icon it would have her moving splash.

I was never really interested in Pulsefire Ezreal or the Udyr one, but look at how it went from there: Big disappointment #1: Gun Goddess MF The splash is gorgeous, you can change forms in base instead of wherever you are with Sona & Lux, unique VO and VFX, new animations (but I feel like the walk was the same).

I remember people were really upset at this at launch and they quickly had it go on sale to the price of a legendary skin.

It only got worse from here. Seraphine's Ultimate skin. The 3 epic skins in a bundle that YOU CAN'T EVEN SWITCH BETWEEN FORMS IN GAME.

One of my biggest gripes with this skin was how it'd show up in the store. It has this HUGE textbox talking about the skin and every other skin after has just been like, "here's the skin! Have fun!"

Then there was Samira's "ultimate skin" which used the same animations as her base. It got a "pentakill" vfx but so does Battle Queen Katarina and Winter Wonder Diana, which are both legendary skins. Only I think Katarina and Diana got new animations and vfx.

It's really sad seeing the quality of skins going lower and lower while the prices are getting higher and higher. Hell, Jhin had a fucking chroma for $200. ONE CHROMA. It really makes me sad.

ALSO THE PASSES! Apparently they're taking out the mythic essence that you'd get from the pass. It's crazy to think back then, you didn't have to buy the passes to get the missions. They'd come free with the events. The Odyssey event from 2018? If you did all the missions you'd get the Ziggs skin for free. The Star Guardian event from 2018? You'd get a ward for free. Now if you do the Jinx fixes everything, you get Singed's arcane skin for free but like... really? Out of everyone? Singed?? When Arcane was being released ALL OF THE SKINS (except Firelight Ekko's) were given to players FOR FREE (Arcane Jinx, Caitlyn, Vi & Jayce). Now they all have price tags slapped on them.

so arcane fractured jinx is 2 models that they've marketed as 3 forms because they have different ability vfx

note how the left and right forms are the same model, just with a recoloured weapon, and they've strategically placed the form with a different model in between them lol

back in my day we called these ultimate skins and they were £25, now they're called exalted skins and cost about £200

[harmonysanreads]

harmony, do you have any advice on writing sunday?? been trying to write in his pov for like, days now and i feel i'm making him too generic tbh

Hi Psyscio! I apologize for the slight delay in writing this, I've just been a bit occupied with irl things ^^; I do hope you find these helpful!

— FOR POINT OF VIEW

Based on significance, we can divide Sunday's character thus far in three parts : early childhood, Bronze Melodia period and Oak Family Head.

The Stellaron disaster was undoubtedly the spark that ignited his later concerns. We see from the conversation about the Charmony dove that Sunday was an empathetic and inquisitive boy, albeit, his concerns mostly centered around others.

During his Bronze Melodia days, the segment where he's questioning Ena (I assume), we see a sort of overlap between concerns for himself and for others. It seems that he's projecting the doubts, insecurities and helplessness he feels for himself through the suffering that he's observed in the outer world. We can also see this as a kind of a protective barrier.

This is the time where he's already reached his conclusion and has started (or has already finished) the planning for the utopian dreamscape. One point which I think is very important to remember is that, despite how he presents himself, a small part of him has always doubted this method. But since he was never able to share his ideas with others (since they'd expose his entanglement with the Order) and since Gopher Wood never addressed the faulty nature of them, he wasn't able to think deeper into them. Which is why, even during his boss fight, he's inviting the Astral Express to prove him wrong — to give evidence to the doubts he's always had.

After these three, we have post-Penacony-arc Sunday. He isn't going to be a completely different person, of course. From the snippets we've gotten so far, we see this pattern : Sunday reminisces about [x] thing and how he used to do that in the past, he comments that there's no need to be as rigid as he used to be but he isn't completely ready to fully embrace that and circles back to his previous belief. Which is fine, old habits are never easy to get rid of.

When you listen to Sunday's ideas, you'll find yourself simultaneously agreeing and disagreeing. Similarly, there's a sense of obscurity in the flow of his emotions. This is intentional of course. So, I think it's alright if you notice this convolution while writing him. Emotions and thoughts are abstract by nature. But the way I'd recommend doing this, is pointing out that vagueness after that flow or an action has passed.

Thanks to Sunday's Myriad Celestia, we know that there's a sense of discord between his inner voices. We see him as both the interrogator and the answerer. The former appears to be firm, harsh and disappointed, while the latter appears nostalgic, remorseful and tired. You can use these voices to address his inner conflict.

Speaking of inner conflict, I think it's one of the most powerful tools you can use to write his perspective. I recommend not dodging it.

I've personally never agreed on the opinion of Sunday being delusional. He's quite lucid and we've received many hints of it. There's a difference between just being aware of something and acting upon that awareness. Sunday has many restraints that prevent him from acting, but it doesn't mean that he's ignorant. Oftentimes, the truth is just in his peripheral, but he can't bring himself to look at it due to a lack of support.

Sunday probably overdoses on psychoanalyzing people. Luckily, perceptive characters are very versatile. Now, I think Sunday prefers to see the best in everyone, unless he's been pushed far enough or has a particular history with an individual, he isn't one to harbor antagonist thoughts about someone. According to this post, Halovians can read the minds of people within a certain distance and use telepathy to communicate with other Halovians. Consider how you might use these together.

I like to have this mental image that Sunday is always holding onto a set number of ‘straws’ in his head. Events and people gradually come, ‘snap’ those metaphorical straws and he allows them to, to an extent — until he's left grasping onto the last of them. Use a mix of allegories and ‘telling’ to illustrate this.

— FOR BASIC CHARACTERIZATION

Sunday is in the ‘emotions revealed through unintentional body language’ group. But I think, when he's confronted with unwanted emotions, he gets even more rigid and guarded (as we saw during that scene with Gallagher). There's the popular hc that his wings flutter in certain ways in response to emotions, so, you can use that as well.

Sunday often thinks about the collective instead of the individual, which is sensible considering he's a leader and all. A romantic interest will challenge this, you can use the ways he breaks his own rules to illustrate how deep his investment in the person goes.

I think having a reader who makes him feel safe or understands him can save you a good amount of emotional turmoil. But of course, I also believe in unexpected pairings. Trust that Sunday, being who he is, can always find something worth appreciating about anyone.

One of the most fascinating things I've observed about Sunday are the similarities between him and Aventurine, as addressed by Ratio. Studying them side by side was very fruitful for me.

For resources to better understand Sunday, I recommend this video and this video.

— FOR DIALOGUE

I mentioned this in my Aventurine post, but in case you missed it, there's this channel that compiles character dialogues individually which can be helpful if you're seeking to refresh your memory. However, I'd like to add here that listening to how a character interacts with others ; as in, how they respond to what, can be even more useful for dialogues.

I've only observed Sunday's English voiceover so I'm not sure how the performance differs in other languages. Based on my observation, Sunday prefers to maintain a gentle, almost airy tone. This appears to be a result of practice though. Sometimes his manner of speech gives this impression that he's viewing you from an elevated space, where he's seeing everything about you. We hear his true voice when the people he cares about are in danger, or, when he's alone with his thoughts.

— MISC. TIPS

Sunday may appear hypocritical, you'll notice dissonance between his words, actions and subconscious — which is okay, characters and people aren't meant to be flawless. What you need to remember is that all of these discrepancies are intentional and results of his upbringing.

Sunday has been groomed by Gopher Wood for the Order's propaganda. In addition, he has survivor's guilt, religious trauma, trust and attachment issues and (possibly) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Do your research on how these affect people in relationships.

It's okay if you struggle to fully grasp his character, he isn't understood within the game either. In my opinion, it's a very well done representation of how little we'll know about other people. Fiction allows us to gaze into the inner world of a character and see them from different perspectives. This isn't possible in reality and that's okay. Approach Sunday's character with an objective mindset, because the beauty of his writing is not centralized, but scattered.

[quillandtea]

Tonight’s thought

Let’s talk about Nicola Coughlan, Jake Dunn, Luke Newton, and this whole messy situation. Because, honestly, I’m baffled, frustrated, and trying to make sense of what’s real versus what people want to be real.

First, let’s address the Lukola fans (myself included): there’s this belief among some fans that Nicola and Luke are secretly in a relationship. The proof? “Crumbs.” Literally crumbs. What are crumbs, you ask? They’re the little moments people cling to: behind-the-scenes clips, interviews, photos where they’re smiling at each other, or moments where their characters (Colin and Penelope) are obviously acting and showing their chemistry. And yes, their chemistry on Bridgerton is undeniable—it’s what makes Polin work. But let’s be real: they’re actors. Their job is to sell their attraction so people will watch the show. That’s the point of their work.

Outside of playing their characters, WT (walking and talking outside of work or being seen interacting) is also thrown in as “evidence,” but even then… they’re colleagues! Of course, they’re going to have some level of friendliness. So where’s the solid proof? Why is this idea of them being secretly together so persistent? Why do we cling to the crumbs but never acknowledge the lack of an actual loaf?

Now let’s flip the narrative to what everyone is actually talking about: Nicola and Jake Dunn (JD). There’s been so much speculation and, honestly, the evidence there is glaring. Pictures of them in Malta, NYC, concerts, dinners with friends—and not just casual group shots. There’s that one where they’re holding hands outside a restaurant, and you can’t convince me they were expecting paparazzi there. And her phone screensaver? Him. She even just posted a photo to her 6.5 million Instagram followers with him casually in the background. Are we really going to pretend she didn’t know what she was doing there? Isn’t that confirmation at this point?

Here’s where I’m stuck: if Nicola wants to keep her life private (which is absolutely her right), why is she feeding the narrative of being in a relationship with JD? She hasn’t done anything to deny it, and her actions seem to support it more and more. Posting a picture with him in the background, allowing herself to be seen holding hands with him in public, attending multiple events together—these aren’t the actions of someone trying to shut down rumors. If anything, it feels like she’s subtly confirming the relationship without outright saying the words. Why is she adding fuel to the fire if she doesn’t want people talking about it?

And let’s be honest, if she were doing all of this with Luke—public outings, dinners, intimate moments, social media posts—the fandom would absolutely lose its mind declaring them a couple. So why is the narrative different because it’s JD? Why is this relationship so downplayed by some fans when she’s doing all but holding up a neon sign that says, “Yes, I’m with him”?

Here’s where I’m torn. Do I want her to be with Luke? Absolutely. They’re adorable together, their chemistry is off the charts, and yes, it would be a fan dream come true. But… if she’s with JD, it’s honestly upsetting. Let’s address the elephant in the room: he’s 13 years younger. Thirteen. That’s not a small age gap, especially when she’s closer to 40 and he’s just barely into adulthood. It’s hard not to feel frustrated about it. The power dynamics, the life experience gap—it just doesn’t sit right with me.

And what if she comes out she’s actually with JD and confirms a long-term relationship? What excuse would fans have then? How would Lukola survive off these crumbs if the whole loaf is clearly JD? Would people still deny it or cling to some “oh, they’re just friends” narrative?

This whole situation is just confusing. I like Nicola and want her to be happy, but the mixed signals are maddening. If she’s with JD, I can’t help but feel disappointed for personal reasons (again, that age gap). If she’s not, why does it look so much like she is? Why is there so much effort in keeping it vague? And why does Lukola live off crumbs when there’s clearly no solid proof?

Maybe I should just leave and block anything related to Nicola and stick to reading Polin fanfiction. At least there, we know how the story ends. This is what happens when you ship real people—it’s exhausting, messy, and makes you question why you cared in the first place.

[cringefaecompilation]

okay since i have felt i've been really negative i am going to be positive and talk about something near and dear to my heart. fanart redesigns!

this design of braius by @phi-guy is delightful, including the mustache variant. i'm not a big fan of him as a character, but this is a great compromise with the holstein patterns on his humanoid face that previously left a few furries disappointed.

fcg is a very tough character to stylize, given the whole... aeormaton of it all and that they're so intricately designed that any attempts to move any part of their body around tend to make things they do in-game not make sense. the blades of grass emblem being revealed as bloody fingerstreaks, for one. but this design by hugo cardenas strikes a good balance between canon and fanon where you don't have to sacrifice accuracy for imagination or vice versa

imogen sadly doesn't receive a lot of redesigns in fandom and even got hate (?!) for people putting glasses on her. but for the people that do a little more than that, i would have to give my favorite design to @rokiie! it's subtle, but i love that she's musclechubby and mixed, and her curly hair and ponytail is adorable. @jadequarze also has a nice looking mog, though theirs is more angular than bulky.

ashton is another character hard to redesign... because his original design is so damned complex it feels like a downgrade to change it. so not a lot of people do and focus more on his outfit and body type. so that's why these two, by @magscherer and @ladysantos are so great! little tweaks that make him fat or simplify him are so nice

@lyadrielle has the most complex chet redesign i've ever seen. i love how in-depth it is, and even if full head of hair chet isn't canon, i still adore the fluffiness of it. also quick shout out to @colealexart giving chetney a mustache because i love it.

conversely from her girlfriend, people love to redesign laudna, if not just to pump up her creepy factor over her "bizzarely beautiful" factor. @astoriacolumnstaircase and @paragonraptors do this in a fun-scary way! i love how spindly they make her, like a praying mantis. for a more scary-scary way, @cpprcoyote's laudnas are stunningly creepy and lovely. @galacticjonah's take on her is also very cute with her billowing fabrics surrounding her like a security blanket. good stuff!

being the mixed orym truther guy, naturally i love art that makes him a man of color, and this art by @therosecleric hits the mark for how i see him in my head. i love his curls, his jaw, and his strong nose, and it's always good to give him muscles in a way that don't make him look like a tween who powerlifts. the previously mentioned @magscherer's art of him is a bit more hobbit-y but still scratches the same itch. love me a brown eyed orym. @jennydolfen also gets points for her terrific hobbit/halfling proportions

@jam-etc's critical role redesigns might not be for everyone, but i love 'em all. dorian here looks so friendly and seeing his native culture depicted so overtly in his outfit is awesome! no whitewashed dorians allowed. on the same token, here's a repeat of @therosecleric's dorian art because it also is great to see him with curly hair and a wide nose. this design by @caitmayart with dark cloudy speckles on his body is incredibly nice as well.

and of goddamn course fearne gets the most art. it's fearne! there are so many good pieces of her i could not choose one. i love ones that play up her goat-y nature, like @willowbirds, @rainbow-roll-art, and @phi-guy again. and i love fat fearnes, like these two by @marmadelin and @countslimeula. this one by @maluspumilaa is so beautiful, making her a little more fey and extremely animalistic. all fearnes is good fearnes

[mythalism]

in my rook hating mindset now after that post this morning and cannot stop thinking about how they are literally the worst protagonist maybe in any story i have ever experienced JRHGKJERHGJERG. and like if you love your rook i am not saying you shouldn't. if you love your rook i am so so happy for you genuinely but you are also probably brilliant and have a huge brain because what the game gives you to build off of is so abysmal.

i literally cannot stop thinking about how insane it is that rook literally causes a double blight and worldwide catastrophe on a scale which thedas has not seen probably since the creation of the veil itself and just. experiences no remorse. and the story tries to tell us thats a good thing and makes them better than the villain/their foil. JHREGJKHERGJKHERG. HELLO?!!??!?!?! literally no one ever goes "hey maybe you shouldnt have done that" except solas and hes framed as the VILLAIN!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!! hawke blames themselves for not putting the pieces together fast enough when a bouquet of white lilies arrived at their door? the narrative gleefully condemn anders with the immediate opportunity to kill him for his crimes. nearly every single character in origins immediately puts the entirety of the responsibility for the fifth blight on loghain's shoulders, regardless of the CLEAR SUGGESTION that the battle at ostagar could never have been won. and all of these makes sense for the world and characters!!!!! of course hawke would blame themselves for their families deaths when they were given the role of protector by leandra after malcom dies. of course the city of kirkwall is going to want anders dead for his extreme act of violence rather than start the uncomfortable process of acknowledging the beloved chantry's complicity in large scale abuse happening in the mage circles!!!! of course alistair and the warden are going to blame loghain for the blight and cailan's death!!!! it doesnt matter if they are right or wrong, it makes sense for their perspective and worldview to feel this way!!!!

have yall gotten the low approval conversations in inquisition????? solas's "Inquisitor. Tell me. How does it feel? Being you. Are you blissfully unaware or, deep inside, is some part of you banging on the walls, screaming?" cassandra getting drunk and practically spitting in your face how she regrets raising you up to such power? blackwalls' "Are you proud of yourself, of what you’ve built here? How about the lives you’ve destroyed along the way? Given much thought to those lately? Is this Inquisition all you wanted it to be? Because I’m disappointed. All I see is a gang of thugs led by a self-serving tyrant." and these SCATHING comments from those who once believed in the inquisitor enough to join their cause come from decisions that affect a fraction of the population that dies under the southern double blight. people will rip the inquisitior to fucking shreds when they fuck up. THATS THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE TRESPASSER DLC EHRGKJHERGKJHERG. like holy shit every decision carries the weight of "oh my god whos gonna hate me. who is going to die because of my choice. how is this going to come back to bite me." have we forgotten what its like to return to varric after leaving hawke in the fade and confess what we did? the call we just made? to look him in the eye and tell him that we sacrificed his best friend? WHY IS ROOK NEVER ASKED TO PARTICIPATE IN ANY OF THIS INTROSPECTION?????????? TO EVALUATE HOW THEIR DECISIONS AFFECT THOSE AROUND THEM BOTH PERSONALLY AND SOCIETY AS A WHOLE????? OH MY GODDDDD

the regret prison scene is so insane. first its insane because its solas at his best and most cunty. but secondly it makes no fucking sense even if im largely distracted by pookie being fun and villainous. solas tries desperately to play up rook's regrets during their conversations and we are supposed to believe that it was that manipulation that allowed him to swap with them in the prison. how does this actually work? blood magic? dont worry about it, kitten. but then when we get into the prison.... the only two regrets that manifest are things that just happened within the last 3 hours - your two party sacrifices. lets be clear that these are not even real sacrifices because literally all of these people volunteer to go and then argue about why they should go. this is so fucking stupid. then rook looks at the statues and says "i dont regret this because this was your choice". YEAH????? OF COURSE YOU DONT FUCKING REGRET IT WHY WOULD YOU. HELLO???? THIS WAS NOT ROOKS CHOICE THIS WAS ROOK JUST SAYING "SURE I GUESS". AND THEN THATS ENOUGH! THEY JUST LEAVE BC THEY CONQUERED THEIR REGRETS!?!?!?!?!??! WHAT!!!!!! there is no discussion of rook being responsible for the blight in the south that we find out via ooc inquisitior letter has KILLED LITERALLY EVERYONE. no suggestion that their recklessness and willingness to act WITHOUT ALL THE INFORMATION at the ritual is the reason for every single thing the evanuris do following their release.

and let me be very clear bc i know this was causing drama on twitter last week. i am not saying the double blights is rook's fault. i actually dont think it is their fault, although i do think they are stupid and reckless and shouldn't have acted so carelessly. but although rook is responsible for ghilly and edgar breaking free, rook is not responsible for the their actions following that freedom, and rook is not at fault for being put into an impossible situation (the need to stop solas's ritual) without all of the information on what the ritual was and what stopping it might incur. however, the double blight is rook's fault in the same way that the veil, the fall of the elvhen empire, elven mortality, and every demon's existence is solas's fault; which is to say, it is and it is not. solas was backed into a corner, in a desperate situation without knowledge of the potential consequences, and was forced to make a decision for the good of the world when he imprisoned the evanuris and blight with the veil. rook was backed into a corner, in a desperate situation without knowledge of the potential consequences, and was forced to make a decision for what they thought was the good of the world when they interrupted solas's ritual. but while solas feels immense guilt and responsibility for the choice he made, rook feels.... absolutely none. and the game tells us that... they're right? people should just not take accountability for anything? i will give credit where it's due here that varric's contribution to this scene is quite good and his line where rook tries to take responsibility for his death and varric says smth like "no, that was my own choice and you dont get to take that from me" is B A N G E R. WHERE WAS THAT ENERGY IN THE REST OF THIS FUCKING GAME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

THAT was the lesson solas needed to learn, not that his regret was wrong but that it was MISPLACED!!!!!!!!! and that is why it is mythal acknowledging that their burden is shared and not his alone is the culmination of his entire story and what finally allows him to move on. pride stands alone, wisdom seeks out the input of others to make an informed and wise decision. this is also why he leaves such breadcrumbs for the inquisitor (a high approval one, at least) because he respects their opinion and their input and their existence and the way they treat him turns him back into wisdom from pride. this is why a romanced inquisitor mentions his name being pride and how its possible that hes not even CAPABLE of changing his mind because it would be so against his nature, and he needs someone whose opinion he values to show him the way. his flaw is his SELF INFLICTED LONELINESS!!!!! NOT HIS REGRET. varric even fucking says this in some random banter you get with his ghost in the infirmary but im too lazy to go find it on my desktop. its something about how he sees attachments as a weakness rather than a strength. his pride causes him to take on responsibility that is not his, his wisdom -> pride corruption has led him to believe he is the only one capable of fixing the world's problems and he will destroy both himself and those he loves in the process. he asserts that he is just a man but is unable to stop making decisions for the world like a god.

THIS is the solas/rook foil that should have been: rook relies on their friends and that reliance is ESSENTIAL; after all, the neve/bellara and davrin/harding sacrifice is essential to win. in contrast solas refuses to rely on anyone, and this isolation makes him increasingly cruel. when he has no one to mirror the way a spirit should, he becomes Pride, too proud and too god-like. his attachments make him more human. he is terrified of depending on others and will kill them rather than risk the vulnerability of dependence after what it has done to him (mythal, felassan). he has to unlearn this avoidance and fear, he has to admit that there "could have been a better way" that someone else saw and he did not. he must learn that he does not have all the answers. he is not Pride. its NOT that rook doesnt experience regret and doesn't take accountability for mistakes while solas is trapped by his own regrets. the message we got instead is so incoherent. but it was SO CLOSE TO BEING GOOD. the bones of this are littered everywhere in both the game and in the datamined content and for some reason it just could not be brought together in a way that makes sense.

the message that rook is "right" and better for not having regrets is genuinely insane, especially when the "regrets" they have to conquer are literally just. other peoples decisions. the fact that rook has the audacity to say to solas that he could never escape the prison while they could so easily because he is trapped by his own regret as if rook is better than him is genuinely so fucking dumb it makes me want to claw my eyes out for having been forced to read it. rook sacrifices nothing and learns nothing. the sacrifices within the game belong to the characters that make them, rook does not order people to their deaths in the same way that solas or even THE INQUISITOR do. rook never is asked to grapple with the fact that they ACCIDENTALLY unleashed a double blight, no matter how good their intentions. WHY DOES NO ONE BLAME THEM FOR THIS???? regardless of if it is their fault or not, the objective truth of fault does not matter, what matters is that you make decisions and PEOPLE JUDGE YOU FOR THEM!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LIKE FOUNDATIONAL TO THESE GAMES JEHRGJKREHGJKRHG. this is what the entire game is about doing to solas. judging him. based on his choices. and the game clearly wants you to have empathy for him in the end. but its so OBVIOUS that the vessel for building up that empathy should have been ROOK EXPERIENCING THE SAME THING!!! THE SAME JUDGEMENT!!! THE SAME GROWTH!!!!! FEELING THE BURDEN OF THE WORLD ON THEIR SHOULDERS. FEELING THE DREAD OF GUILT AND SHAME AND REGRET. TRYING TO DEFEND THEIR INTENTIONS!!! I DIDNT MEAN TO I DIDNT MEAN TO IT WAS A MISTAKE!!!! LEARNING THAT THEY HAVE TO OWN UP TO IT BUT THEY ALSO HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE FORWARD!!!!!! HELLO!??!?!?!?! they BARELY even express remorse for the treviso/minrathous sacrifice, even when faced with neve/lucanis's anger they just go "a decision had to be made and i made it". well. YEAH? LIKE YEAH THATS RIGHT BUT HUMANS HAVE FEELINGS??? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A PERSON, NOT A BLANK SLATE VIDEO GAME PROTAGONIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS OKAY TO FEEL BAD!!!! YOU MADE A DECISION THAT RESULTED IN PEOPLE DYING. ANY HUMAN BEING WOULD FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS. ITS KIND OF FUCKING WEIRD THAT YOU DO NOT. HOW IS ROOK JUST BORN BEING OK WITH THIS. ITS SO ROBOTIC AND ARTIFICIAL LOL

rooks actions are such a clear, perfect parallel to solas putting up the veil and the guilt that haunts him afterwards that i KNOW it was intended that way and somehow it just got completely shafted. it literally feels like they did have a coherent parallel going and for some reason were forced to change directions last minute and thus we got some mish mashed barely cobbled together incoherent nonsense with clear echoes of its former self. instead rook has no flaws, makes perfect judgements at all time, has unconditional support from all of their friends who also make perfect judgements, are immune to making mistakes, and the message is its actually just really easy to not have regrets if you just choose right every time and refuse to take responsibility for anything as long as you had good intentions :D

[ayebibs]

What would have made the Veilguard companions more compelling?

I keep wracking my brain trying to determine how the marketing of this game was so focused on the companions, their rich lives outside of the narrative, and the journeys that they go on when I think that they are objectively the worst written companions to date. Not to say that their appearances aren’t well designed or that they don’t have really fun and cute moments, but they are simply less three-dimensional than previous companions. Fundamentally, my biggest grievance with the Veilguard companions is that I just don’t find any of them nuanced or interesting. They are all good people, but they are not good or believable characters that fit this plot and interact with it in meaningful ways.

I have never been one of those people that ignore canon, but I have been perseverating on the missed potential of this highly anticipated game that we’ve waited ten years for. So, I wanted to criticize some of these characters and explore some changes that might’ve made for a more compelling group of characters had they been written differently, but (hopefully) respecting the vision of who the characters are at their core because I do think that the skeleton of something great is here.

Disclaimer because this is long and critical: There are a lot of spoilers below. I haven’t read all of the Dragon Age books and I could be missing things, but I also think that the game and the characters’ journeys should speak for themselves as we go through the story. I also get that these are just my opinions, I’m a STEM girlie by trade and a creative on the side! Not everything I suggest may be great or realistic for building a plot or realistic for writing the script of a videogame. I also don’t mind conversations about these characters! I think that would be fun, I just don’t want to be shat on for being very disappointed in this game when it’s been my favorite video game series for half my life and I went in very hyped and willing to excuse a lot!

Alright, if you’re still with me, buckle up!

First, before I outline the specific changes I would make to each character, I want to address that there are just flaws with the way BioWare decided to handle companions as a whole in this game. I want to mention them now because they impact nearly every character and I don’t become repetitive:

1. Most importantly, the approval system is pointless and probably could be left out of this game for all it means to the narrative. It is nearly impossible to wrack up disapproval for the companions and you increase approval and bond by just taking companions out and completing a quest. If the companions like nearly everything that Rook does, then it means that they don’t care enough about anything to have strong rigid opinions (which is good for a well-written character). If companions don’t have an opportunity for meaningful agreements or disagreements, it means that the writing is not what people expect of a Dragon Age game based on every single installment we’ve had so far. It is one of the few things that have stayed the same in all of the past games and one of the things that I think fans are really upset about and should have been nonnegotiable.

2. All of the factions (except for maybe the Grey Wardens) really just needed to be messier and more complicated. Not all of the factions were meant to be heroic throughout the series. As others have commented, the Lords of Fortune and the Antivan Crows are the most glaring examples of this. However, I think that the Mournwatch and Veiljumpers are not exempt from this either. The factions serve as crucial parts of our companion’s backstory and by sanitizing them, we are wiping key opportunities for character development. For example, it could be way more interesting to have a character who fundamentally disagrees with their faction, but doesn’t know how to escape it. Or, what about a character who loves their faction and makes us feel conflicted about them because of their willingness to explain away the faction’s history? I could write (another) essay on this, so I’ll leave this point here.

3. We simply needed to have more conversations with all of the companions. All we have are these short, uninteresting cutscenes to learn about the companions. The player should be able to go up to the companions and ask them about the history of their faction, who they trust and care about in their faction (and why), their past, and their opinions about new information (on other companions, side quests, and plot points). None of these even need a cutscene, just voice acting. It would also help players feel more connected to the companions.

4. There needed to be more visible personal and interpersonal conflict. The companions read like coworkers to me. They mostly like each other and, even if they do have disagreements, they are never explored in the narrative. They don’t seem to have any hugely conflicting viewpoints on any topic and, even if they do, they are benign. For example, what to pack for a camping trip or not wanting to talk about a particular topic (dragons vs. spirits) can be interesting in addition to more complex banter but the banter just feels inappropriate and irrelevant for the plot of this game. Overall, the companions rarely make a fit about anything. It feels like the writers didn’t want any character to appear problematic, but they made them flat because none of them seem to have a hill to die on except that they should save the world. This might have been fine in a game series that didn’t focus so heavily on companions and the way that ethics are shaped by personal experience, but this is not that imaginary game series.

5. The companion quests should have focused more on worldbuilding and getting to know the characters. I have little to say about this other than that the quests for Harding to try out her powers, training Assan with Davrin, shopping with Lucanis, and lighting candles with Emmrich, etc. were lazy, uncreative filler. I really cannot put it any other way. They should have all had quests that better explored their faction and, by extension, them. We barely learn anything in those quests and they are time wasters. Those are the scenes that should have been converted to a codex entry, not some of the important lore drops that we currently have in the codex.

6. Rook chooses one option of a binary for every companion towards the end of their personal quests. I’m okay with some of these, I think that it made sense for Bellara and Davrin to ask Rook what to do in their personal quests because it felt more natural. A friend asking a friend for their input. On the other hand, some of these are really inconsequential, semantic, and mindset related (Neve) and others are such personal choices that it feels inappropriate for Rook to be involved (Emmrich and Lucanis). In a lot of these cases, it would have made more sense to have dialogue options sprinkled throughout the game that influenced companions to make their ultimate choices. Giving Rook so much power in these decisions makes the companions feel one-dimensional because it strips them of agency that any believable character would want. Even if they wanted Rook to make these decisions, companions should have felt more strongly towards the options and either praised or disparaged Rook for their decision.

7. Finally, I found all of the romances very lackluster. I was never someone who considered Dragon Age games glorified dating sims (I actually really don’t like that take, even if it's all jokes), but I found myself missing the depth of relationships in previous games. All the relationships felt too new and shallow. Largely, I think this is due to points 3 and 4, but also due to a lack of reactivity with your companions. For example, companions barely acknowledge you getting them a gift or flirting. This could have also been helped by a few extra cutscenes with the companions.

That mostly covers the overarching issues that apply to all characters. Some of these things might come back in my individual discussions of the characters if it is particularly bad.

If you’re still with me, here are my thoughts on each companion and/or what I think would have made them more interesting:

Bellara

I came to like Bellara much more than I anticipated from the trailers and marketing. However, she is really emblematic of how the writers didn’t want problematic characters. There is nothing in the game that would cause people to accuse her of being problematic, but despite being an elf (a historically oppressed and enslaved group), she is so quick to apologize for the actions of ancient elves who oppressed her ancestors thousands of years ago which is ridiculous and solves nothing. It also really seems like the writers wanted her flaw or quirkiness to be some kind of neurodivergence and nerdiness and that alone doesn’t make a compelling character. I actually think it would be interesting if Bellara was, if not pro-Solas, pro-hearing him out because his intentions were in the interest of the elven people even though he made some shitty decisions. I think she would want to be interested in what Solas knew about the ancient elves and what their society looked like before the Veil. I think she’d want to know as much as she could about the technology. I think it would be interesting if she guiltily admitted to wondering what the world would look like if the Veil came down. How different would it really be to what they’re already experiencing? Could they not mitigate the problems? I think this would be an excellent point of tension between Bellara and Davrin (who is Dalish but might not understand her curiosity in the face of the blight) or Harding (whose people were so impacted by Solas and Mythal’s actions… more on Harding later).

Davrin

Davrin is actually my favorite companions in this game, but I still wanted more from him. I think it would be really interesting if, when the team is gathered around after Weisshaupt that Davrin really pushed back against the idea of sorting out their personal shit before progressing. He’s a grey warden who, in his estimation, just failed his one purpose. I think that this would cause a bit of tension between him and some other characters, like maybe Taash whose concerns are more personal than anyone else's at the time. He is serious and straightforward, so I don’t think it’d be out of character and it would make their friendship and training montage more satisfying later on if they had to move on from it. I would also expand on the fact that he was disappointed to not die when he killed one of the archdemons? It was touched on so briefly and he seems to emotionally resolve it in a few dialogue lines which I think is crazy, even considering that he wants to live to save the griffons and raise Assan. A “blow up” about how the team needs to put their personal affairs aside while struggling to keep his own personal affairs together would introduce a little more depth to his plot line and expand on one of the more interesting things about him that we barely got any time with.

Harding

Harding was one of the most boring characters to me in this game because she felt so flat and there were so many ways to make her more interesting. Her character isn’t helped by the Varric twist because the narrative requires that she doesn’t grieve except for one scene despite knowing Varric for at least a decade. Personally, I think that changing her reaction if/when she finds out what Solas and Mythal did to the Titans and her people would make her more well-rounded and believable. From that point on, Harding should be anti-Solas and you should lose approval with her every time you entertain the idea of trusting him. Maybe she could even express disappointment/frustration/sadness for an Inquisitor who believes Solas can be saved or speak of them more highly if they think that he is irredeemable. Also, we should’ve spent more time with her and the dwarven people. I think Veilguard was such a rushed and half-baked attempt at wrapping up that storyline. We learned so much about the dwarves in the last two games and we get to spend so little time with them.

Taash

Interestingly, I think Taash is one of the few companions with really obvious flaws. They are childish and impatient, but they’re poorly written and their flaws are never acknowledged or treated as flaws by the narrative. In my playthrough, their relationship with Harding might have been an interesting place to explore and address that childishness. It was also a missed opportunity for them to explore Qunari and Rivaini culture. As other people have commented, the binary choice between being Rivaini or Qunari is odd in tandem with Taash’s journey of self-discovery and identity. I think that choice shouldn’t exist and should be encouraged by dialogue options peppered throughout their larger quest. We were so close to exploring the rift that can form in families between first generation children and immigrant parents (and learning more about Rivain and the Qun by extension) when there is love but a fundamental difference in culture and lived experience. Instead, I feel like the narrative never gave us a chance to really hear Shathann out before her death, but I’ll give the writers a break because I think that they were going for tragedy and unresolved conflict and I don't know if I trust them to make that a conversation that fits the world and isn't anachronistic.

Emmrich

The thing that bothered me most about the Emmrich storyline was the final choice between Emmrich becoming a lich and bringing back Manfred. This is another choice that Rook should have influenced rather than choose outright. The number of times that you asked probing questions or commented on Emmrich’s desire to become a lich through more conversations about Emmrich’s fear of death and relationship with Manfred should have determined his final decision. Personally, it felt inappropriate for Rook to make that decision directly for him, no matter how much the game tried to justify it. I would have also liked to see his fear of death impact him more throughout his quest line and the narrative. The final quests are literally a suicide mission and he should have had more dialogue regarding it.

Neve

I’m going to admit that Neve was hardened in my playthrough and I haven’t explored her character in playthroughs where you save Dock Town, so this section might not be applicable to half of you. I didn’t understand a lot of Neve’s motivation behind her actions. I didn’t understand why she felt so passionately about her city or her jobs. Her drive felt hollow to me, making her personal quests feel generic. When I got to Neve’s quest where we gathered clues near the water in Dock Town, I was excited to finally learn anything about her, but it was devoid of any meaningful backstory. I would have written the quest to better explore Neve’s past, motivations, and personal relationships. The other big thing that stands out is that Neve is a noir detective and the VA has clearly gotten direction to sound like one, but her story is so devoid of mystery, intrigue, and many of themes that would make that more than aesthetic. And, like, isn’t her whole faction about freeing slaves? Why not make her personal quest more closely tied to that?

Lucanis

Lucanis’ personal quests are so tied to the dynamics of his faction, so I think a lot could have been solved by making the Crows more morally grey. I think Teia and Viago could have stayed the same, but we should have seen more negative interactions between him and the rest of the Crows. Outside of Illario, Catarina would have been an exceptional vessel to explore the problems within the Crows and a theme like generational trauma or exploitation. The party banter between him and Davrin criticizing each other's factions could have been an excellent space to talk about the negative aspects of the Crows and how Lucanis’ feels about them, either defend some misdeeds or express how he feels conflicted about his past contracts. In my game (when you save Treviso), Spite also felt more like a mildly important accessory in Lucanis’ plot than a significant problem. Few characters had anything significant to say about Spite and he caused few problems. I actually thought Spite was fun for most of the game, but he needed to be more problematic because he gave the impression that he was included more to build an aesthetic for Lucanis than a character-defining plot point. Finally, I think Rook deciding what to do with Illario was a poor decision. I would have written this as a decision Lucanis makes on his own based on how Rook encourages him to deal with Spite through a more fleshed out character arc.

This pretty much summarizes my thoughts on all of the companions. As you can tell, I am very Normal about this game.

I wanted to like these characters so much and they have an unbelievable amount of potential. They are all so fascinating in concept and all of them are poorly executed either due to the relationship building mechanics of the game, because of the writing and dialogue, or a mixture of both. That said, there are brief moments when I like them and I get glimpses of what they could’ve been.

I just hope the characters are better explored in future games (if we get one).

[earlycuntsets]

image descriptions: "The giant Gerard Way clones vowed to enslave the earth" (gerard way) "trapped wind can be a nightmare" (amy lee) "fall out boy were proud to introduce a stereotypical frenchman to their lineup (fob) "by this point in the evening. the photographer was seeing double" (incubus) "jack white shows off his man boobs (jack white) "amy lee. but wheres her sporran?" (amy lee) "if I close my eyes real tight. I can pretend i'm still in blink 182" (+44) "this one goes out to good people at persil" (AFI)

"Anarchy in the USA. The world's biggest bands lay waste to Los Angeles

KROQ-FM RADIO in Los Angeles is the premier radio station in North America. If a band can get played on KROQ, then it's pretty certain they'll have a big hit on their hands. The station has helped launch the careers of Blink 182, Linkin Park and The Offspring among many others. And every Christmas time, bands return the favour by playing a (fairly) intimate concert for 6,000 fans, with all the proceeds going to charity. Sixteen years ago, when the first 'Acoustic Christmas' took place, the bands actually performed their sets in a stripped down acoustic setting, but slowly, that tradition has given way to full on electric sets that rock the pants off the crowd. And, as usual, Kerrang! was given access all areas to the hottest gig in town…

SATURDAY 5PM Rising emo pin-ups SAOSIN take the stage to a sparse crowd. Hardly anyone Is Inside the venue yet, but they shouldn't be too down-hearted. Linkin Park once played this slot. The following year, they were headlining.

5:30PM It seems unlikely a band with such a full-on rock 'n' roll reputation like WOLFMOTHER would even be awake at 5:30pm, let alone taking the stage. Yet the Aussie lads turn their infectious energy on to churn out new classic rock hits like 'The Joker And The Thief' and 'Woman'. Backstage, singer Andrew Stockdale chats with Hollywood socialite (and daughter of Rod) Kimberly Stewart in the hallway. The big-haired Wolfmother man is also seen drooling over his hero Billy Corgan. Corgan is not performing today - he's just hanging out, taking a much needed break from the new Smashing Pumpkins recording sessions.

6PM After the disappointment that was +44's album 'When Your Heart Stops Beating', the trio's performance tonight is a revelation. Astonishingly, drummer Travis Barker-whose right arm still hasn't fully healed from an injury sustained during the band's September video shoot-plays the entire set with one arm, without missing a beat. It's a jaw-dropping spectacle. Evidently, the band we witnessed playing their debut London gig back in October were only just finding their feet. Two months on, +44 are a sharper, more confident live act, with sparky anthems such as '155' sounding like the greatest songs Blink 182 never wrote. Don't write them off just yet…

7PM 30 SECONDS TO MARS 'Whoa, I can play guitar without even looking!never fail to make an eye-opening entrance. Tonight, the prog-influenced foursome race down the Then singer Jared Leto spends much of signature tune 'The Kill' in the crowd, running up and down the aisles, climbing onto the seats to share his microphone with the fans, and generally betraying the movie star charisma that has won over Scarlett Johansson, Cameron Diaz and Lindsay Lohan, among others. The lucky devil. At the end of the band's set, a flurry of cannons detonate a vast snow storm of white confetti. Magnificent. words and photos: Lisa Johnson

7:40PM FALL OUT BOY "We feel like losers," moans Pete Wentz as FALL OUT BOY take the stage. He's concerned that his band didn't really 'fit' on either night. Sandwiched between 30 Seconds To Mars and My Chemical Romance can be unnerving, but at least the dude got the chance to meet Jared Leto's ex-girlfriend Lindsay Lohan backstage. That's got to count for something. Whatever Wentz' reservations, Fall Out Boy triumph tonight. It's one of the first times they've had the opportunity to air songs from new album 'Infinity On High', and on this evidence, 'This Ain't A Scene It's An Arms Race' is set to replace 'Sugar We're Goin' Down' as FOB's key song. Fun, addictive, and outrageously catchy, the track prompts a massive crowd response, despite most people having never heard it before. The new album will be huge. Later, rumours fly over whether or not Wentz and Lindsay Lohan are an item. From Kerrang!'s vantage point, things certainly seem to be going well for Wentz. Lohan might well be his tonight-providing he can get her out of Foo Fighters' dressing room… [photographed - The venue and grunge legends: Dave Grohl and Billy Corgan]

8:15PM MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE explode onstage with typical flair and venom. the stage is still littered with the confetti from 30 Seconds To Mars' set. Gerard Way encourages the crowd to throw confetti snowballs at him, and a beautiful reverse snow flurry erupts towards the stage. Suddenly one aisles dressed in Santa Claus outfits. giant confetti snowball hits him right in the face. Gerard just laughs, and gives the thrower a congratulatory nod. This encourages a full-on snowball assault, until security intervenes and puts a stop to it. After the band's set, Billy Corgan is ushered into MCR's dressing room. This isn't Gerard's first Corgan encounter-he's never made any secret of his adoration of the Smashing Pumpkins man - but it is the first for the rest of the band. Mikey Way contains his excitement on the outside, but inside, he's overwhelmed. The bands exchange tales from the road, and discuss the perils of onstage missiles (a subject close to MCR's hearts ever since Reading 2006). "The worst is piss," Corgan says.

"Oh, yes, we know!" Gerard, Mikey and Frank chime in unison.

Then they swap piss-throwing stories for 20 minutes. It's a beautiful moment.

9PM Outside the venue, a massive rainstorm is raging. Inside, INCUBUS are performing an amazing set full of hits like 'Nice To Know You.' 'Wish You Were Here' and some songs from their newest release 'Light Grenades'. Singer Brandon Boyd literally falls into the crowd at the end of the set, arms outstretched, like a man giving the performance of his life.

Afterwards, Brandon is sipping wine with his buddies backstage, although bassist Ben Kenney can't join in the Christmas cheer: he's flat out on the couch, laid low by a vicious cold. In the crowded backstage hallways, David Grohl is delighted to run into Billy Corgan. "I had a baby! Want to see some photos?" Grohl asks him, and quickly whips out some pics of baby Violet to show off. Aww.

"We feel like losers." - pete wentz, fall out boy

9:50PM It's been an incredible year for AFI, and they're clearly in celebratory mood as they slay the masses with tracks like 'Miss Murder' and 'Love Like Winter.' Friends Joe Escalante and Dave Quackenbush from The Vandals, along with Jim Lindberg from Pennywise, have come to check out their best buddies' band. It serves as a reminder of just how far AFI have transcended their old school punk roots. Their new material shines through tonight, ditching the skuzzy riffs of old for gleaming hooks, fist-pumping singalongs, and, of course, the ever-more flamboyant overtures of frontman Davey Havok. Always enigmatic, AFI disappear from the site shortly after their set - although later that night we spy drummer Adam Carlson at a Hollywood dive bar, partying under the radar with some friends and who can blame him.

10:40PM The backstage party turns into a ghost town the once FOO FIGHTERS takes the stage. The band, including Foo veteran Pat Smear remain in sit-down acoustic form for the first portion of the nine song set which includes "My Hero" and ends with "Everlong". As Dave Grohl stands to perform "Everlong" the stage silently turns and there the rest of the band reappears with full electric setup. and pounds seamlessly into "All My Life" Tender moments include 'Times Like These,' 'Monkey Wrench', and what Grohl claims is their first ever live performance of 'Darling Nikki', a cover of a startlingly filthy Prince song about a masturbating female nymphomaniac. Ahem. There's no santa suits, no confetti, no dancers. But damn, the Foos own tonight. The 'buzz' acts right now might be the twin emo juggernauts of MCR and Fall Out Boy. But, on this form, Foo Fighters make those newbies look like mere pretenders to the throne. Awesome.

SUNDAY 6:35PM Just prior to ANGELS AND AIRWAVES taking the stage, Kerrang! arranges to introduce Panic! At The Disco to their all-time hero, Tom DeLonge. Since Panic! often cite Blink 182 as inspiring them to start a band in the first place, this promises to be a momentous occasion. The meeting takes place in the crowded hallway backstage, while the Panic! dancers hurriedly prepare for their performance. Tom speaks excitedly to the band, even inviting them to produce a line of shoes and clothing for his Macbeth clothing company. The encounter goes swimmingly, and -as if you couldn't tell from the saucers that replace the eyes of Ryan and Brendon as they chat to their idol - the Panic boys declare themselves 'stoked'. Pleased to be of service, chaps.

7:10PM Once PANIC! AT THE DISCO take the stage, they blow everyone away with their elaborate staging and dancers. The foursome are obliged to strip down their production for the intimate setting, but still, with just a fraction of the mayhem, the performance is topnotch, with the crowd going predictably apeshit for 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies'. Where on earth will they go next?

7:45PM EVANESCENCE's Amy Lee was nearly trampled by the Gnarls Barkley dancers in full elf costumes earlier in the evening (the men behind über- Crazy' were also on the bill today, weirdly enough). hit ' And she seemed unfazed by the numerous dressing room bust-ins that Tom DeLonge made to say hello. In fact, she appeared to be rather amused by his antics. "We don't really fit on this bill," Amy told the captive audience, and thanked the fans graciously for watching, before tearing into a full-blooded version of 'Call Me When You're Sober'. "Most of you probably don't know who we are." Which is being rather modest, since Evanescence have probably sold more records than most of the bands here combined.

8:25PM THE RACONTEURS are enjoying the stateside success of their track 'Steady As She Goes'. And tonight, Jack White is in high spirits. "It's Meg's birthday tonight-it's her 16th!" We think that might be a lie. Backstage, Meg White and Dave Grohl sit down for a lengthy chat about drums. We're sure it was fascinating.

9:45PM THE KILLERS' set is notable for finally laying to rest the supposed 'feud' between them and fellow Vegas natives Panic! At The Disco. Indeed, the Panic! boys make a point of planting themselves in some empty seats, watching The Killers' set with giant smiles on their faces. Well, it is Christmas, after all…

10:40PM FOO FIGHTERS return to play the same set as last night. But it's no less powerful the second time around. "Did you all enjoy The Raconteurs?" Dave Grohl asks the crowd, "Cause I pretty much think they're the best rock band around right now." And with that he launches into 'Skin And Bones' and the crowd explodes into anarchy.

01/2007 kerrang! #1141

[thegeekproblem]

okay, so there's no way i can actually write this fic, it's maybe too angsty for me? i just know i've been dissociating hard just thinking about it so let's purge the idea of my head. everyone feel free to write this fic, just tag me so i can go and read it. and who knows, maybe i will write it if i feel like i can get my ideas in order.

ANYWAY (timeline? what timeline?)

jason todd, after gotham war, with an implant in his head that makes him feel fear every time his adrenaline spikes, can't live in gotham anymore. once the criminal world in gotham find out about it he's hunted down like an animal, his normal nightmares just wake him up to more nightmares, there's no escape, no place safe. he runs from gotham, from the country. he leaves everything behind to go underground, as far away as he can manage. he returns to the all caste to hide from the world and as a way to at least be safe inside his head he erases all of his memories. everything. there's no bruce, no joker, no sheila, no catherine, no willis.

bruce notices the red hood is gone. he tries to search for him but there's no trace of him, he's just gone. damian says that talia helped him leave but he doesn't know where he is or if he'll ever come back. every once in a while bruce tries to look for him to no avail. barbara has a notification for a face scan world wide, tim has alarms in case he ever returns to gotham. still, jason is gone and life goes back to normal.

years pass and the world is under attack of the untitled and they have no idea how to save it. talia appears telling them the only way it can be saved is working with the all caste, there's a seer inside the caste that has seen what's going to happen and she needs to take them there. talia takes bruce to the chambers of all, even when all she wants to do is see gotham burn.

they arrive and ducra is waiting for them. (ducra knows who bruce is, who he is to jason but it's no longer important, she doesn't tell bruce any of this) ducra takes them to the seer but warns them that he's not completely here, that his mind has lived in the past-present-future and everything that could-would-will happen that he's kinda gone, that he paid the price with his memories so it doesn't matter. bruce doesn't care because he only wants to save the world and has no attachment to this seer.

they go to the chamber of the seer.

it's jason.

god, imagine jason, no memories, frustrated with the world and what it did to him, angry and unable to do anything about it looking at bruce and being like: i'm disappointed. i always wondered what type of person would do this to me? what did i do to make someone hate me this much? but i see you're just a normal human man.

A/N: if i ever get what the plot of this fic is actually about instead of just, you know, jus angst porn, i will write it. i love making jason suffer, but i also love bruce suffering the consequences of his own actions, and amnesia fics are just my jam, i fucking love them! i don't know where everyone else is in this fic, maybe dick and damian go with bruce to the chambers of all while tim and barbara man the fort back in gotham and dick goes all angsty-brother-filled-with-guilt at seeing seer!jason. and maybe jason is still a stubborn pice of shit, he still gets angry even if he doesn't understand why, he still holds grudges even when he no longer has memories. maybe seer!jason knows what's supposed to happen and joins them in gotham. also, imagine seer!jason sacrificing himself for people he doesn't remember because he knows that's what's supposed to happen. also, is there anyway to add jaydick to this fic??? i just love them so much.

[silverynight]

The roommate

<---Previous

Part XXVI

"What's your ideal date, Izuku?"

Perhaps it's just an innocent question, but Izuku is so tense because of the mission, he immediately has a bad feeling about the whole situation. Besides, even though he's usually friendly towards anyone, the way Toga is grabbing his arm is making him want to put some distance between them as soon as possible.

"Uhh... it used to be going to the park or maybe a fair and share a crepe with the person I like–"

"Are you hungry, Izuku? Do you want a crepe?" Toga asks, blushing even more.

"No, thanks... I actually have to go."

"Why?" Kana cuts in, the moment she notices that Toga looks disappointed. For the most part, she left them alone; she seemed happier walking right behind the two and not engaging in their conversation at all.

"My boyfriends are waiting for me," Izuku blurts out, not knowing if it's the right thing to do at the moment. He knows he should be trying to pretend things aren't going that great in his relationship, but right now there's nothing he wants more than to see them again.

The grip Toga has around his arm tightens and it becomes slightly painful.

"You're hurting me," he points out and Toga squeezes him even tighter against her before she lets him go.

Izuku doesn't like Toga at all. She makes him feel uncomfortable and nervous.

"They'll eventually hurt you," Toga narrows her eyes. "They don't deserve you."

Izuku starts wondering if Toga is one of those people who started sympathizing with the heroes' haters after Kana was released and shared the villain's ideals with the world or if she was always like that due to personal experiences.

"They love me and they try their best," Izuku argues; the need to defend them is stronger than anything else. "I can't ask for more. Besides, I make mistakes too. Nobody is perfect."

"Pro heroes certainly aren't," Toga huffs, getting more irritated with Izuku's response. "But people seem to think they are."

"Some of them do," he agrees. "But not all of them. It's truly a mistake to idealize people, not only pro heroes. They are human too and although they shouldn't get away with crimes just because of their position, we shouldn't judge them too hard when they make harmless mistakes."

Toga shakes her head, but doesn't argue with Izuku because she doesn't have anything to say to that.

"I don't trust pro heroes and you shouldn't either."

"I trust Kacchan and Shoto."

She hisses and Kana doesn't look happy either, but Izuku stays calm, mostly because there's a lot of people around. Although he shouldn't feel like this; they're just two girls with strong opinions.

"I must go. It was a pleasure to meet you," Izuku tells Toga, before waving at Kana.

It looks like Kana wants to say something else, but Toga stops her; Izuku has never been that relieved to leave a shopping center before.

As he walks away and into a street nearby, he finally has the time to read Hagakure's texts; she apparently didn't like Toga at all and decided to ask Yaoyorozu to find out more about her.

"Izuku."

He hears Shoto's voice and he definitely bumps into a broad chest and a hero suit that looks exactly like his, but as soon as Izuku looks up and stares into familiar mismatched eyes he is completely sure this is not his Shoto.

He knows Hagakure is still following him because it's part of the deal, but he wonders that now that she's seen his "boyfriend" she would go back to the agency immediately.

"Hi," he mumbles nervously before he takes his phone to text her quickly, but a pair of hands snatch it off his as they also take Izuku's groceries.

"Let me help you with that."

"You know what?" Izuku smiles, trying to look as calm as possible. "I forgot something, I need to go back to the mall."

"I know you're really smart, Izuku and I'm sure you know this is not your stupid boyfriend. But you'll have to come with me–"

"Hagakure!" He screams. "This is not Shoto!"

The villain makes such a disgusted expression that looks so foreign on Shoto's features that it makes Izuku to instinctively take a couple of steps back. He's ready to run.

"There's a pro hero here?" The fake Shoto hisses. "I should've known!"

Then he takes a knife out and Izuku has the sudden feeling (maybe because of his nightmares or the way Toga approached him earlier) that he has finally solved a complex puzzle.

"Toga?"

"I told you to call me Himiko!" She hisses again with Shoto's face before stabbing him.

Izuku screams in pain.

"What are you doing? You told me you weren't going to hurt him!" Is that Kana's voice? She doesn't sound happy anymore.

"I won't kill him. He just needs to learn a lesson!"

Izuku wishes she stopped using his boyfriend's face and voice because it hurts to see Shoto trying to harm him, even though Izuku knows it's not the real one.

Then, she removes the knife, which is even more painful; he knows it'll also make him bleed profusely. Then, something collides with Toga, and she begins to turn back into her original form.

A blond, naked, but wild young woman willing to do anything for what she wants.

Although Izuku is not sure what she wants at the moment, the only thing he knows is that he's bleeding, feels dizzy and his knees can't support him anymore.

He falls to the ground as he realizes Hagakure is the one fighting Toga.

There are a couple of people in that area now and some of them are calling an ambulance and others the police and asking to be transferred to a hero agency.

A couple of them are taking videos of what's going on. At least they have Toga's transformation on their phones now.

Everything's confusing.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know she was going to hurt you!" Kana is at his side now, although Izuku can't be that sure; his vision has become blurry out of the sudden.

He's going to pass out.

"She's confused, but she means well..."

There's a scream, but this time it comes from Toga.

"What did you do? You blinded me!"

Izuku nerd's heart would have loved to see how Hagakure managed to do that with her quirk; he has seen her on YouTube videos a couple of times... does she reflect light to the point–

His vision turns completely black for a second.

Maybe it's not the time for hero combat analysis.

"Die!"

The familiar, absolutely rude yell comforts Izuku immediately and even the explosion that follows it.

"Izuku, love, are you alright?"

For a second, he flinches at the sight of Shoto, but one look tells him this is his boyfriend, the real one.

"It's alright, Izuku. It's me, please..."

He feels safe now, despite the pain and the amount of blood that's coming from his open wound; Izuku had been trying to stop it with his hands, but he's too weak to put pressure on it.

His vision is turning black again.

"Izuku, don't close your eyes," Shoto pleads, desperate, worried; Izuku is almost sure he's about to cry. "Stay with me. The paramedics are here–Izuku!"

"IZUKU!"

His Katsuki is getting closer now, but he can't stay awake anymore.

At least he's with them again.

***

He wakes up a couple of times; the first one he's inside an ambulance and the paramedic is asking a few questions to Katsuki.

"Izuku?"

His eyes can't stay open for too long.

The next time he's on a bed, in a room that smells too clean and covered on light blue sheets.

"Are you alright, baby?"

Izuku beams as he looks up at Katsuki; he's being extremely soft and gentle with him because he's worried. He also looks tired and like he's about to break.

"Love?"

Shoto is there too, which makes Izuku feel better immediately; he's still dizzy, but there's no pain now, although Izuku suspects they gave him a couple of painkillers for that.

Suddenly, his boyfriends take his hands and lean closer to him.

"I'm glad you're here," he manages to say.

"Don't you dare scare us like that again!" Katsuki huffs, trying to hide his own concern, but he intertwines his fingers with Izuku's. His eyes are red; he must've been crying. Shoto doesn't look any better.

"I was scared." The man with mismatched eyes admits.

"It's okay," Izuku smiles, pulling them closer (one at a time) to give them both a kiss on the forehead. "I'm here."

***

You can read Part XXVII, Part XXVIII and Part XXIX on my patreon already.

Patreon

[skzhocomments]

Best Friend - Bang Chan Oneshot Fanfic

General Masterlist

Pairing: Bang Chan (Stray Kids) x OC (name: Isa. Story is written in 2nd person)

Genre: best friends AU, mature, fluff

Word Count: ~5k

Warnings: explicit mature content, swearing etc.

This is just a story that doesn’t describe Bang Chan's true character in any way. It’s just a product of my imagination and should be treated as such.

This story is also on Wattpad (click here) and AO3 (click here)

---

Summary

You and Chan have been best friends for many years, and despite the attraction you feel towards him, you've never dared cross the line. That is, until the two of you end up watching a very explicit movie and you take that leap of courage.

---

A/N: As any other writer out there, I would appreciate reblogs and your comments on this story. Please let me know if you enjoyed it, and most importantly, have fun!

© all rights reserved by skzhocomments (Tumblr), skzho (Tumblr)/ storminsidemycore (Wattpad), storminsidemycore (AO3)

---

Best Friend

“Hey, what’s up?” Your best friend Chris picks up the phone, and you can hear faint sounds of traffic on the other side of the line.

“Hey, are you busy?”

“Not really. Did anything happen?” He asks, slight worry lacing his tone.

“Do you wanna come over and see a movie?”

“Oh, tonight? Didn’t you have a date or something?”

“My date cancelled on me!” You whine. You didn’t seem to have much luck with dating apps, because this always seemed to happen to you.

No matter how many people you’d match with, something would inevitably go wrong. You’d either lose interest too quickly when chatting, so you wouldn’t even accept a date, or, if the sun would shine bright enough on your alley and you’d find someone worth dating, something would come up on your side, or your date would bail on you.

“Oh, no! Again?!” Chris exclaims, seemingly as upset as you.

“Yes! Again! I don’t fucking get it! Why am I so unlucky?!” You exclaim with a pout. “I’m all dressed up too! Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I didn’t leave the house at least. But seriously, I put in so much effort, I even bought a new outfit, for fuck’s sake!”

“Aw, I’m sorry Isa. Yeah, I’m free tonight. Actually, I had to drop something at Bin, so I’m like 5 minutes away.”

“Come over, then!” You chirp.

“Coming right up. Want me to bring you anything?”

“Just your amazing self.” You chuckle and say goodbye, ending the call.

5 minutes later, your doorbell rings, and you open the door with a large smile plastered across your face, inviting your best friend in.

You and Chris met a couple of years ago and got close in no time, due to your apparently endless common interests and conversation topics. You became close friends, and meeting up is a weekly occurrence at least. Sometimes life gets too busy, especially for him, who’s a workaholic with seemingly no free days ever, but he always makes sure to make time for you and visit or asks you to come over if he’s too worn out to get out of the house.

Other than actually meeting up, you chat most of the day, and you always thought that you and Chris had quite a good synergy. However, in these few years of you seeing each other regularly, it became clear to you that even if you find him attractive, he doesn’t see you the same way, so you never dared to cross the line.

You enjoy his presence way too much to somehow mess it up by doing something stupid, like confess your lingering feelings that are inappropriate to say the least towards a simple best friend. Some days it’s hard to control your heartbeat who’s erratically beating when he says or does something that makes your legs grow weak and your heart flutter, but you’re doing your best to ensure that you don’t overstep. That’s why you’re trying to go on all these pointless dates and meet these people that you’re almost never interested in.

The moment you see him, your face lights up, and all your disappointment regarding the cancelled date wears off. He is dressed casually, in some black gym trousers and a large hoodie that he immediately takes off as soon as he steps inside.

Underneath, he is wearing a fitted black shirt, and oh, fuck, how can someone look so good in casual clothes, you wonder?

“Is this the outfit?” He asks, pointing to your two piece – a short white skirt and a matching blouse.

“Yeah. I didn’t have time to take my make-up off or change, sorry.” You chuckle.

“Such an idiot, that guy who cancelled on you. You look amazing, Isa.” He compliments you, but you don’t read too much into it, because that’s just who he is. He’s always throwing compliments around, to anyone.

“Aw, thank you, Channie.” You pout and burst out laughing.

“He’s missing out. But hey, I got to see it, so…” He shrugs. “Do a pirouette, will you?” He asks with a large smile and puts his hands on your waist, helping you spin around so he can admire your full outfit.

That’s the other thing about Chris – he is a very touchy person. It’s quite frustrating, really, that you always seem to be up in his arms cuddling, that he’s touching you so comfortably, and it doesn’t mean anything. It never does.

“Just gorgeous. This fits you perfectly.” He compliments again.

“Thank you, really. Now I feel better. Appreciated.” You chuckle at his words. “And look, I got a matching bag as well!” You grab it from the coat rack and pose with it, making silly faces, and Chris immediately starts laughing.

“Lovely bag. It’s so small, though! What fits in there?”

“Oh, Chris, you don’t anything!” You laugh. “I have a million lip glosses in it, at least!”

“In that small thing?” He gasps, opening his mouth. “I don’t believe it till I see it, sorry.”

“Look, then!” You open it up and show him your little collection of mini glosses you’re keeping in your bag at all times. Lip gloss is simply like air to you, and you’re used to reapply it multiple times throughout the day. You just love it.

“Damn, that’s weird. It’s like there’s a magic spell or something making it fit more in it than it should.”

“You think?” You laugh at his antics, putting the bag away. “Anyway, I’ll go get changed and take my make-up off, and then I’ll join you in the living room? You can pick the movie.”

“I get to pick? What an honour!” He laughs. “Can I take your make-up off, though?”

“Oh, do you want that?”

“Yeah.” He smiles, and you do, too.

“Alright, let me get in some comfy clothes and I’ll be right there.”

“Sure.” Chris smiles again and heads to the living room, waiting for you.

Your outfit looks great, but it’s also a bit too tight and a tad uncomfortable, so the moment you step out of it, you feel amazing. You take your bra off too and grab a large t-shirt and some pyjama pants and make your way to the bathroom to bring the cleanser and some make-up remover pads.

“There you go, have fun.” You give Chris everything and close your eyes as he begins to slowly rub the make-up off your face.

“I don’t even understand why you’re wearing all this stuff. You’re so beautiful without it.” Chris mumbles, making you chuckle.

“I look better with it, though. If I don’t wear it when I go out, I feel naked.”

“Really? It makes no sense though, when you’re so pretty.” He hums, continuing to gently remove the make-up. “I think this should be it.”

“Oh, I also do my neck and a bit of my chest, here.” You ignore the compliment and grab the collar of your t-shirt pulling it down, exposing more skin as you roll your head back.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to take your shirt off?” Chris asks, continuing to rub your neck.

“If you want to see me naked, it would.” You chuckle.

For a brief second, you actually consider taking your shirt off just to see how Chris would react, but that is crossing the line.

You shouldn’t.

“Oh.” Chris says quietly pressing his lips together, his ears painting a soft shade of red. “It’s alright, I’ll just do it like this.”

“Thought so.” You laugh and feel as he places a hand steadily on your neck, making sure to wipe the make-up off properly.

The action also makes you blush, and you get a weird feeling in your chest that you want to brush over as quickly as possible. Dangerous thoughts.

“Okay, done.” Chris places the make-up remover on the table, then grabs all the discarded remover pads. “I’ll go throw these out.”

“I’ll also go do my skincare; it shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes.”

“No hurry, Isa.” He smiles, so you go to the bathroom and wash your face, doing your skincare routine and trying to hurry up anyway, just to make sure you don’t keep him waiting for too long, not that he would mind. If anything, Chris is a patient person.

“Alright, did you pick a movie?”

“Yeah, how about this one?” He points to the screen, and you squint your eyes to read the small title.

“Love? What is it about?”

“Not sure, but someone recommended it to me, so I said, heck, why not?”

“Let’s read the IMDB summary…” You pick up your phone and look it up, and immediately burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

“Chris, this is basically porn! Murphy enters a highly sexually and emotionally charged relationship with Electra. Unaware of the effect it will have on their relationship, they invite their pretty neighbour into their bed.”

“Oh, my God. Okay, let’s choose something else-”

“No, no, let’s watch it.” You laugh, grabbing the remote control from his hands and pressing play.

As soon as the film starts, so does a very explicit sex scene.

“Wow, they surely didn’t leave anything to the imagination!” Chris exclaims, and you put your hand against your mouth in shock.

“Yeah, they didn’t. It feels like we missed 20 episodes.”

10 minutes later, another sex scene comes on screen.

“This is just porn, isn’t it?” You burst out laughing, watching as Chan’s ears grew red.

“I’m so sorry Isa, I-I really didn’t know-” He stutters, and that only makes you laugh louder.

“No, no, don’t apologise. Who the heck recommended this to you?”

“Felix, damn.”

“He has a specific taste, I guess…” You shake your head amused. “Not gonna lie, though, watching porn with my best friend was not on my bingo card this year.”

“Yeah, neither. Damn.” Chris laughs.

“They seem like they’re having a great time, though.” You affirm. “Should’ve been me tonight, but, oh, well, my date cancelled.”

“What?” He asks shocked but slightly amused. “Do you fuck on the first date, Isa?”

“Hmm, depends on who my date is and if I’m into him?” You tilt your head. “Haven’t been with anyone in a while, though…”

Chris clears his throat.

“What about you?” You ask back, and Chris immediately turns to look at you.

“What, do I have sex on the first date, or have I had sex lately?”

“Both.”

“Well, I- wait. Why are we talking about this again?” He laughs uncomfortably and rubs his nape. He seems nervous, you think, and sort of enjoy seeing him look so embarrassed.

“I mean, you asked first! It’s only natural you tell me!” You sit up on the sofa and move closer to him, the people fucking on the screen already not presenting any interest to you whatsoever.

“Uhm, I mean… I’m more of a gentleman, I guess? I don’t really have sex unless I really like that person, and it takes me more than a date to figure it out usually.”

“Hmm…”

“And I haven’t had any in a while either. The last date I’ve been on didn’t go that well, I figured we don’t really have much in common, so…”

“Ah, I see. So, we both have blue balls.”

“Isa!” He bursts out laughing.

“What? It’s true!”

Chan’s eyes are burning into yours, and you realised that even though you’ve been friends for years, you’ve never really spoken about sex or anything of that sort.

You wonder what he likes in bed – is he the dominant type, or would he let you take control?

Damn, you really shouldn’t think of that.

“I’m gonna go get some water.” You stand up. “Want any?”

“Do you want me to pause this?”

“Nah, it’s fine.”

“Then, bring me a glass too, please.”

“Alright. Be right back.” You haste to the kitchen and shake your head repeatedly, trying to not think of Chris like that.

He’s your best friend, for fuck’s sake.

He’s your best friend.

“Thanks, Isa.” He smiles sweetly as he grabs the glass from your slightly trembling hands.

“So… I guess we’re having a threesome now.” You blurt out, your eyes stuck on the screen.

“What?”

“The film.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course. Apparently.”

You continue watching the screen in silence for a little while, until you feel your neck get stiff, so you start stretching a bit, trying to ease some of the tension.

“Uncomfortable?” Chris asks.

“Mhm, a bit. I should maybe grab some pillows. Or even better, buy a better sofa.”

“Or you could just come here.” He pats his thigh, so you don’t hesitate to drop your head in his lap, continuing to watch the film as Chris runs his fingers through your hair, massaging your scalp softly.

“Damn, you’re really good with your hands.” You say teasingly with a little chuckle, but you are unaware of Chris’ inner turmoil.

He’s been having a raging erection in his pants for the past 30 minutes, and your head is wayyy too close to his crotch, and he shouldn’t have asked you to put your head in his lap, and he should definitely not play with your hair when the only thing he wants to do is grab a fistful of it and guide your mouth towards his dick.

“Uhm, Isa?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry, my leg is a bit tired. Mind if you sit up?”

“Oh, of course. Sorry.” You immediately follow, but Chris doesn’t let you get too far away, he guides your head to his shoulder and continues playing with your hair as his breath hitches in his throat.

You instinctively reach around his abdomen and hug him from the side, something you’ve done a million times before, as you and Chris often cuddle.

However, at one point throughout the movie, Chris leans over to grab his glass of water from the table, and your hand drops to his crotch, moment when you feel something.

Your eyes dart to his, and he looks right back at you.

“Sorry, that’s-”

“Chris,” you cut him off with a whisper. “You’re so hard. Are you turned on right now?”

“Uhm…”

Looking into his eyes and seeing how he’s looking at you makes something burn in your chest, and for the first time ever since you’ve known him, you decide to take that leap of courage and press your lips against his.

You close your eyes tightly and wait for him to push you away, to reject you, but to your surprise, he does the exact opposite. He places his hand on your waist and kisses you back, biting your lips and leaning over, his body pushing yours into the sofa, as he gets on top of you.

Neither of you say anything, you just kiss and bite each other’s lips with so much passion, you can’t even think of anything else but him. He is a good kisser, and with each touch of your tongues, your heart flutters in both excitement and anxiety. The line has been crossed, and you don’t know what that will mean for your friendship.

He moves his hand under your shirt and begins raising it higher and higher, and you get goosebumps all over as he finally palms your left breast.

You moan against his mouth as his fingers begin playing with your nipple softly, but then he pulls back, looking at you with so much desire, you think you’re going to faint.

“Isa, fuck. You look so fucking good, baby.” He mumbles breathless, his chest rising up and down.

“Should we take this to the bedroom?” You ask hopeful, afraid he would change his mind.

“Yeah.” He nods and helps you up, and you’re trembling with anticipation as you let him grab your hand and lead the way to your room.

Once you’re in, he turns around and kisses you again and again. You move your hands on his back, helping him take off his shirt, and in return, he takes off yours.

“Damn, Chris. All those months in the gym really paid off.” You gasp, seeing how good he looks, letting your hands travel all over his exposed chest and abdomen.

“Yeah?” He chuckles softly. “Do you like how I look?”

“Like? No, Chris, it’s way more than that. You look so fucking perfect.” You say, and you see him blush slightly, so you carefully approach him, all the urgency from before gone, and you kiss his lips slowly, letting your hands explore his body and feeling him melt under your touch.

You move your lips lower and kiss his jaw, then his neck, his hands finding the back of your waist and pulling your body closer into his.

“Really?” He asks, rolling his head back slightly to allow you better access to kiss him, so you do.

“Mhm.” You hum, pressing your lips against his neck and nibbling on his skin lightly, making sure to not leave any bruises, and you listen to all the sounds he’s making, and hearing him moan in pleasure gives you a rush. You want to pleasure him more, to give it your all and make him feel good.

You move your lips lower and fall to your knees in front of him, looking up and seeing his eyes stuck on yours as you grab the hem of his trousers and silently ask for permission to pull them off.

He seems impatient, such a contrast to all the other times he’s shown you what a patient man he is, so you don’t hesitate to drag them down, watching as his cock bounces slightly in front of you.

You grab it and begin rubbing it up and down slowly, bringing your lips closer and connecting them to his tip, beginning to lick around and hearing the way his breathing changes.

He groans in pleasure as you open your mouth and bob your head into his crotch and back, trying to set a rhythm and making sure you’re not forcing yourself and triggering your gag reflex. He’s quite big, bigger than you expected, so this is definitely a challenge.

“Shit, baby. Can you take more?” He asks in a low voice, putting his hand on the back of your head and waiting for you to reply.

You hum again, sending vibrations against his dick, and he groans once more before guiding your head closer. It’s hard to take in his whole length, so you grab his hips for support and try your hardest to relax your throat and allow him in.

“You’re doing so well, fuck.” He compliments, keeping his hand on the back of your head without pushing you anymore. Instead, he’s letting you set the pace, to take as much as you can, and doesn’t force you.

After a little while, Chris places both of his hands on your face and pushes you away, which confuses you for a brief moment.

“Was it not good?” You frown slightly.

“No, no, baby, it was. It was the best. I just don’t wanna come like that. I need to feel you, hm?” He reassures you, helping you stand up and pulling you into a messy kiss.

Chris suddenly bends down and grabs your thighs, making you jump in his arms, and heads towards the bed with you, letting you down gently as he kisses you again.

“You’re so beautiful, Isa.” He says, looking into your eyes, making your stomach feel funny and your chest fill with happiness.

“Thank you.” You say with a little laugh, making him chuckle as well.

“I’m serious. You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on, Isa. You look like heaven. I can’t even imagine what you sound like when you’re all messed up. Fuck, I want to hear your pretty moans so bad.” He says, making you blush, and begins doing to you exactly what you’ve done to him.

He presses open mouth kisses all over your neck and chest, but he doesn’t shy away from sucking on your skin and leaving hickeys, marking his way down your body.

As he reaches your breasts, he takes one of your nipples is his mouth and moves his hand lower on your abdomen, dragging his fingers across your skin and making your shiver as he finally gets down to your pyjama pants. He’s playing a bit with the hem of your pants, and you close your eyes in anticipation, waiting for him to finally put you out of your misery and touch you.

“Chris, please…” You say, impatient.

He separates his mouth from your chest and rises right above you, looking you right in the eyes, and you’ve never seen that look in them before. They are dark and filled with desire, definitely matching yours, but yours must look pleading instead of confident.

“Please, what?” He asks, before going down to your neck again. He moves his fingers under the hem of your pants, but lets it rest there, on top of your lower abdomen, rubbing circles slowly, teasingly.

“God, please… Please touch me.”

“Yeah? Do you want that, baby?” He kisses your neck softly, before grabbing your skin between his lips again and sucking strongly, making you moan and clench your legs together. “Should I touch you right here?” He asks again, finally pressing his fingers against your pussy

“Fuck, yes.” Your roll your head back as you feel Chris rubbing you slowly.

“Do you like that?” He asks almost menacingly.

“Mhm, I do.”

“Yeah? Does it feel really good?”

“Yes, it does.” You immediately answer, and he chuckles.

“You know what I think would be better?” He asks and removes his hand, much to your displeasure, but as you see him kneel on the bed and move right between your legs, you bite your bottom lip.

He drags your pants down excruciatingly slowly, his fingers connected to your skin the whole time as the fabric disappears from your body. Then, he places his hands on the back of your knees and forces your legs apart, and for a few seconds, he just stares at you, which gets slightly intimidating and uncomfortable for you.

“Uhm…” You start, unsure if there’s something wrong. Maybe he doesn’t like what he sees, maybe-

“My fucking God. Your pussy is perfect.” He says, and before you get the chance to reply, he connects his mouth to it and begins licking it.

His tongue is hot against your core, and it’s simply insane how good it feels. It’s like he knows exactly where to lick, he’s using the perfect pressure, and – God, you feel so good, you instinctively want to clench your legs again, but you can’t. He is keeping them apart with his hands, not letting you move at all, no matter how much you struggle.

When he lets go of your legs, you assume he’s grown tired of pleasuring you, and you are more than happy to welcome him on top of you and let him do whatever he wants. But instead of feeling the bed shift with his weight, you are surprised to see him still stay in the same position, his tongue still licking against your clit while you feel two of his fingers teasing your entrance.

Your clutch the sheets tightly for support, your hands balling into fists around the fabric as you feel his two fingers slip in you, curving just right to touch that sweet spot inside of you that makes you see stars.

He doesn’t need to do much else for you to come undone, to let go on his tongue and fingers with a loud whine, your legs trembling and your hand finding his head to move him away.

Chris separates himself from you by pressing kisses on your thighs, before immediately moving his mouth your abdomen, climbing his way up your body as you’re recovering from one of the most powerful orgasms you’ve ever experienced.

“Fucking hell!” You exclaim.

“Hell? I’d say that was heaven, though.” He chuckles lowly.

“Damn, you’re so good with your mouth, it’s unbelievable.” You compliment, letting him settle between your legs as you feel his hard on press against you. “You made me feel so good.”

“Isa, baby, you haven’t seen anything yet.” He replies, moving his hips forward and entering you slowly, making you roll your head back.

He reconnects his lips with your neck as he’s fucking into you slowly, groaning each time he bottoms out into you, and you match him all the same, letting out soft moans each time you feel his whole length, each time he hits the sensitive spot inside of you.

You lock your legs around his hips, giving him even deeper access, and he continues fucking into you slowly for a bit, raising his head and kissing you softly over and over again.

“Don’t go on other dates, Isa, I’ll take you out anywhere, anytime. I’ll make you feel perfect, hm?” He says in-between your kisses.

You wonder if he means it, or if it’s just something he’s saying in the spur of a moment, but the way he’s fucking you feels more like making love than having sex. Gently, slowly, passionately, perfectly. You could drown in this feeling.

“Mhm, I won’t. I’m all yours, Chris.” You reply, closing your eyes, afraid to see his expression.

You’re afraid you’re going to see that he doesn’t feel the same, that he didn’t get the confession hidden behind your words.

I love you.

You wish you could say that, and you wish he’d say it too.

You wish he wouldn’t have felt so good on top of you. Maybe if you wouldn’t have been sexually compatible , you would’ve lost interest. Or, maybe, you should’ve never crossed the line and have your feelings blurred into one other.

Chris, your best friend.

Chris, the best partner you’ve ever been with sexually.

Chris, the man you’ve looked for in every other man you’ve ever dated and had sex with for the past many years.

“Baby, can we switch? I want to ride you so bad.” You say, feeling suddenly vulnerable under him.

You want to be in control. That way, your chest might not feel so tight.

“Yes, give me a moment.” He replies, burying himself deep in you again, kissing your lips and letting his tongue dance with yours.

Chris pulls back and plops right next to you, waiting patiently for you to straddle him, and as you do, you let yourself fall on his cock.

You let out a soft moan at the feeling, straightening your back and beginning to ride him fast, in opposite contrast to his previous slowly and precise movements.

Chris is quick to moan and raise his hands on your boobs, palming them softly as you bounce on his dick. Just as earlier, his movements seem calculated as he begins dragging his hands lower, making your skin melt under his touch.

He puts one hand on your waist and with the other, he begins rubbing your clit again, and once more, you feel yourself getting close, your movements becoming more erratic.

“Oh, God.” You roll your head back as you feel your whole body tremble, welcoming the bliss of another powerful orgasm that makes you collapse right on top of him.

“Good girl.” He compliments, beginning to raise his hips and fucking himself into you from underneath.

“Feels so good.” You say, kissing his neck messily as his moans get louder.

“I’m so, so close baby.” He speaks between hurried breaths.

“Let go, then.” You whisper against his ear, biting his earlobe slowly, and with a grunt and a final push, he starts cumming, filling you up. He continues moving his hips slowly for a few more moments, and when he’s done, he pulls out of you, so you roll over and collapse right next to him, both of your chests falling up and down as you try to regulate your breathing.

Neither of you say anything, you just lay next to each other in silence, the only sounds being your still hurried breaths.

“So, I wasn’t just horny.” Chris starts speaking after a little while.

“What?” You chuckle.

“I actually… I really like you. I meant what I said earlier. I don’t want you to go on dates with other people, to have someone else make you laugh at their jokes or to kiss them. I don’t want anyone else to see your perfect body, or your face when you come, or hear your moans. I want to be the only one who gets to see those.” He says, making your eyes widen at the sudden confession.

“Chris, I-”

“I’m really, really, really in love with you, Isa. I love you so much, and I’ve been in love with you since forever.”

“Really?” You ask. “But you never said anything… Why?”

“I don’t know... I guess I was just afraid of somehow losing you if I were to ever confess to you.” He says softly, and you understand him completely, and you can’t blame him for being a coward.

You’ve also been a coward.

“Me too… I’ve been in love with you since the first day we met, but… I’ve also been scared to say anything, because what if you would’ve rejected me, or stopped talking to me, or…?” You shake your head and turn around to hug him from the side, and he welcomes you in his arms, hugging you back tightly.

It feels intimate, to lay like this in bed naked next to Chris, to feel his heartbeat pulse against your hand, and his breath on your face, and you love this feeling more than anything.

For the first time in years, you feel content. You feel that maybe you weren’t that unlucky when it came to love; you just happened to search for it in the wrong places, when it’s always been right in front of you.

“So… I guess we’re together now?” He asks, and you let out a soft chuckle.

“Mhm, I guess so.” You nod and press a small kiss against his neck.

“We should really get cleaned up, shouldn’t we?”

“Yeah, we should.” You laugh. “Shower?”

“Sounds good. Together?”

“Please.”

~The End~

[timid-owl]

Viktor's character through The Line lyrics

I can't fight this time, now.

How tired do you think Viktor is of pain, of having to constantly bear his ill, weak, failing body that has been dragging him down for so many years? How hard has it been that he's so tired he can't fight it any longer?

Honestly, I thought I was fully prepared for the threshold in store.

I guess I never really faced my fears before.

How scared do you think he is of losing himself one final time and for good? Is it why he has conjured the Hex-Sky, to remind himself of who he was and what he stood for? To keep him on course? Like an echo of himself, that now he has to abandon?

Stay with me.

Keep the memories of who I was before.

I think that's really heart-wrenching how he's equally scared and doesn't want to face it alone, and at the same time, he's trying to keep a part of himself alive somewhere, even in someone else's mind.

Did I disappoint you?

I do interpret the whole song as both a dialogue with himself and with Jayce. I like to think that after their Council room session, they kept some mental connection, and here it's Viktor asking the question to both Jayce and himself.

Stay your pretty eyes on course.

Do you think it's the first time Viktor refers to Jayce's eyes as pretty? Do you think, if it is in fact a dialogue, it feels like a slap to Jayce? Like he can't breathe, like it hurts, like he wants to scream but there is no air as it is far too late.

I guess I never really faced my fears before.

Now you may say, "But Viktor was once literally prepared to die." Sure, but that time he would have died before losing himself. That was the whole point: leave while still remaining precisely who he was. And now he's at the verge of completely destroying everything his very self is and going against his every principle, which is precisely the worst of his fears.

Now to the angstiest parts.

Sure, there's nothing left to try?

I do believe that is meant like a question, same as "stay with me?" Like a final cry for help, like he's hoping Jayce — or something — might save him after all. Like if maybe Jayce would have intervened right here, right now, while they're all gathered around Viktor's hex-egg thing, he would have changed his mind immediately. Which is also why it's sort of full of contradictions and questions like he's babbling - stay with me but I'd rather you not, will they let me over if a do that... But there is no answer, and nobody is there for him anymore.

Will they still let me over?

This I tend to interpret in quite a biblical way, as in "people who, let's say, cross the line are not let into heaven." So... yeah, they won't, and even if there is I guess no details on Piltover's religion it's still ment in a rhetorical way as Viktor knows they won't, there is no possible redemption after this. And what Viktor is worrying about is not "crossing the line of shroom genocide" but more "crossing the line of not existing anymore" (I again think it's literally in the text, barely an interpretation). Like he is leaving his final note, and while he's writing it, he tries to find something, anything, that would keep him from doing the thing. But, again, there is nothing left aside from the light on his face.

Again, for me, this being a dialogue, I also feel like the "stay your pretty eyes on course" is his way of shutting Jayce up when the su*c*de metaphor gets too close to the surface. Like Jayce would start to protest, and Viktor would shush him. It even translates in the rhythm of the lyrics:

What could be, my final form Stay your pretty eyes on course

Honestly, I thought I was fully prepared for The threshold in store Stay your pretty eyes on course.

So yeah, I think the way it's so tender but also so devastating and desperate is probably one of the most beautiful, brilliant things the show gave us.

[sweettjrose]

A lot of people are being introduced to my fanfiction...

[vaguely-concerned]

having seen at least the rough outlines of all the romances now I have to say that I think emmrich's is probably objectively the best in terms of coherence and completeness of story arc (with the understanding that ultimately the 'best' romance is whichever one makes YOUR heart sing anyway so objectivity is a silly thing to claim that way, it just felt like it's the arc with the most well-paced focused content and the least dangling threads)... but lucanis' is my favourite haha. just. the whole kneeling before your beloved full of reverence but without any of the distance that usually implies??? his complete undramatic certainty and calm in every scene with rook after this, having spent the whole game caught between fear and longing???? mr. lives in a pantry but it says nothing about my psyche don't worry about it it's purely for tactical reasons that I keep myself contained in a small dark room not entirely unlike a cell, love among the parsnips -- finally coming to rook in their room and it's so comfortable and comforting???? after all the times rook supports and comforts him through the game he's finally able to return the same to them when they need it while being so calm and steady and it's so fucking sweet and feels so effortless and with no price attached?????? he basically assigns himself the role of your bodyguard and he WILL stab a god over it??????????????? the turn to protector (which was in his heart all along longing to get out and find a place) of it all????? he sounds like he's found himself unexpectedly stumbling into such a soul-lightening state of revelatory existential relief, full on 'you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' mary oliver style, and he goes and he shares that with rook and protectively envelops them in it when they're hurting??????????????????????????? hello for the maker's sake hello can anyone hear me?????

[nachosncheezies]

In defense of late-canon x files (including the revivals)

I was thinking about this poll after I commented on it, and I kinda want to be brave and say more.

Short answer to the poll's question before I go any further: If you're a new fan and a sensitive sort who thinks you'll struggle with your blorbos Really Going Through It and you really need a happy ending, I suggest you stop at the end of season 8. Do not pass go, do not look at spoilers. Disregard this post entirely, close the internet, and go look at something that makes you happy. (Also fuck every part of society that characterizes sensitivity as inherently weak and bad and some kind of personal failing, you are valid.)

That said, "quality" as a concept is entirely subjective, and the question of whether or not there's a decline in quality for any story is wholly subjective, too. In the case of x files? I'm not convinced there is a decline. I am going to be upfront that I haven't yet watched past season 8, though I am almost completely spoiled on events after that - and the reason I haven't watched yet is not because of how I know events are going to unfold, but simply because I don't want it to end!!! Ohh, the tension between "I CAN'T WAIT!!!" and "Nooo don't be over D:"

When I first came to txf fandom on tumblr and gradually became spoiled about what happens in late canon though, I was often left uncomfortable and tbh kinda queasy about it. As I said in my comment on the poll, the hate for especially the revival and IWTB, or to a lesser extent even seasons 8 & 9, is very well documented. But! There are other takes to be found here on tumblr if you figure out where to look, and my feelings have changed!

The thing is, I have yet to find myself in any fandom where there isn't a vocal subset of fans who dislike the story after a certain point. I am not joking when I say that no one hates the things they love as passionately as sci-fi and fantasy fans. In my experience, it often hinges on the extent to which a viewer has strong notions on where they would like the characters to end up. In particular with series where shipping is a dominant component for the bulk of a fandom, I have almost universally found that there comes some turning point in the story where "let them be happy you cowards" is the dominant view, and things that compromise the attainment of a degree of romantic stability and/or domesticity are, to many fans, annoying at best and despicable at worst. But! As one tagset on the linked poll said:

and I think for any fandom, that last tag especially is so so so important. (I think that's harder for people watching a weekly series live, bc you have so much time to analyze and speculate and dream before the next breadcrumb drops, but I digress.)

So why am I saying this and how do I apply it to x files? Well, I eventually found that there are also a subset of fans who find redeeming things right up to the very end and actually quite like the whole thing! The things that I had seen people rage and ventpost so much about honestly never quite sounded to me as "out of character" or "untrue to the story" etc as those same ventposts made them sound. And I've discovered I'm not the only one who felt that way. Do I love that the spooky squad had to go through all of those things? No, those poor guys D: Life is hard and they have been through so much trauma. But do those events and their choices make sense to me in light of everything that came before? Yes! And I honestly can't wait to see them fight to overcome those things, breaking, healing, always learning, always growing, always getting better.

So if you're wondering "where does it go wrong"... well, I'm a completionist, as many people who've answered that post are, but also my personal opinion is that I don't think it does go wrong. If you're new and interested in exploring why I've gone from "vaguely queasy" to "excited" about the whole thing, or want to maybe balance out the impressions you're getting about the later seasons before deciding whether or not you want to see the whole thing, I'll put a few blog names in the comments.

Final admission: even once I started feeling a little more confident in the possibility that "actually ok maybe I'm not crazy, maybe this all kind of is in character and does make sense", there was one big plot point that I was NOT looking forward to and I thought I would never be comfortable about. In hindsight, I think my discomfort came from the negative responses being SO seemingly universal that I hadn't stopped to let myself truly consider other possible interpretations on that point. (I mean my initial instinct when I first read about it was, why are we mad about this?? CSM is literally the most unreliable narrator in history???? it's obviously fake news?????? this must be either a fever dream someone's having or it's a misdirection ploy against whatever shadowy forces might still be lurking?????????????? but for whatever reason I guess I had halfway written that off.) Happily, just last month there's a new post-s11 novel out, and although reviews for the book as a whole are mixed, it seems to have laid the groundwork for resolving that plot issue in a way I think most fans would be broadly happy with. If you're interested in being spoiled about that and seeing how, I recommend searching #perihelion on @agent-troi who liveblogged reading it with receipts, scroll back chronological-style to the first post on the subject and see how it unfolded. (And never forget that Dana Katherine Scully is the queen of denial as a coping mechanism lol)

Everyone's mileage will vary. Each person can feel however they want! But for anyone new, I wanted you to know that the very many ventposts you might be seeing are not all there is to this show or its fandom. Some of us love it despite - or even because of - all the things that went "wrong". I think we just don't talk about it as much.