#but i almost never see fantasy with any of the things i've described

[glacierruler]

Let me enjoy my fantasy with modern tech, neo pronouns, and niche labels that no one has heard of before in peace!

[youryanderedaddy]

tw: female reader, obsessive behavior, captivity, fantasy lore, abuse, murder mention, suggestive (?)

"You seem to be upset."

He's leaning against the window not too far away from you. Not too close as well - just far enough for you to feel at ease.

"Aren't you a mind - reader." You respond under your breath, trying to focus on the book you're currently reading - but the letters are escaping you, and you find yourself re-reading the same paragraph for the third time. He sighs, much like a disappointed father, before stepping towards you. And if you flinch just slightly, he doesn't pretend to notice or care.

"What is wrong, my flower?" The man gestures theatrically, soft velvet voice unbecoming of the monster he is flowing easily into the open air. You don't know what to say, really. It's been two years - or so you think, there is no way to keep track of time in this kingdom, not that time goes the same way in the elfen world as it does in the human, yet the part of you still capable of logical thought seems to think so. Two years, and there is very little you haven't already said. Very little left to be said, so your conversations are mostly rehearsed repetitions of what you already know. What you already fear - that you're going to die here. Or even worse. That you've become incapable of aging, so very consumed by this foreign land you detest that you've given up death for a life of boring, purposeless immortality.

"Don't I shower you with lavish gifts?" The noble moves closer, stalking towards you - observing you as if you're a butterfly pinned to a wooden frame under a microscope. "Don't I buy you the shiniest jewels? Not even the queen herself owns such sparkling emeralds." He scoffs, painfully used to your lack of response. You clear your throat, turning a new page - having little to recall about the last. It's completely meaningless just like all the other pages in all the other books you read. How funny, you think. In that distant, dreamy past of yours you were too busy to read - busy with work, busy with family, busy with friends. Busy with life. Now nothing gets in the way of your reading, you have all the time in the world - but there's no one to share the knowledge with. No one to spoil the ending. No time limits. No goal to it all, no final destination. So you read, and you soak the pages with salty tears not remembering a word.

"I am grateful for all the treasures you give me, my Lord." You answer nonchalantly, keeping your pointer at the end of the paper in a desperate attempt to find the sentence exactly where you left it off. You can feel him move closer to you - and the only indication of your growing fear are the shivers that travel down your spine with the beat of your violently full, thumping heart.

"Don't I provide you with all the entertainment your little human heart could possibly bear?" The duke clicks his long sharp nails together once against the other - an ugly metallic sound echoes deep into the ceiling reminiscent of a dying forest clow. "There has never been a lack of wine or music or dance in my court. I've gifted you more golden dresses than you can wear in this life. I've written you more poems than you can read." He keeps going, describing every little thing he's done for you, despite the fact that you've never asked for any of it.

"I admire your taste for indulgence, my Lord." You repeat almost automatically, the praises sitting on your tongue just waiting to be spilt from parted honey lips. Your eyes are glued to the book, but you've given up on reading long ago. Now you're simply trying not to cry - focusing your eyes at one word at a time and blinking repeatedly, manically, feeling as if the world with end the moment you let him see your weakness. You can't believe you still have so much pain in you - enough to feel loss and anger and, what's even worse, hope. Hope that one day you'll be free again.

"And tell me, flower—" His fist wraps around your low ponytail, forcing you to look up at him and meet his eyes for the first time tonight. What's staring back at you might as well be the bottom of the ocean itself, misty and dark, cold and unknown. Human eyes convey so much affection - so much care that you can never mistake it for anything else. With elves it's different - you can spend centuries looking for a hint of kindness, and you'll only get lost in those beatiful bottomless pits. Shiny and sparkling and completely empty. "Don't I give you love? Don't I embrace you tightly every night?" His voice lowers dangerously, barely above a whisper.

"I don't understand what more you could possibly want. Should I prove myself to you? Should I slay a dragon for you? Perhaps I could tie the heads of your enemies with a pretty bow and give them to you as a wedding gift, hmm?" He's babbling incoherently, nails digging into your scalp with unyealding grip. "Would that finally, finally make you happy, beloved?"

"No, no, please let go." You cry out in agony, wriggling out of his hold - but he's too strong, too massive to move. "I'm happy, I'm—" You sob pitifully, weakly pushing at his chest. "I'm happy with you. Please, you make me so happy, just please let go. And please don't hurt anyone."

He slowly pulls away, chest heaving in and out wildly. The scariest part is always his face. It remains unbothered - cold and defined like a statue of a god, his true feelings hidden by a mask of barely contained rage.

"You're happy with me?" He raises an eyebrow, foot stomping on the ground impatiently. You nod hesitantly, too shaken up to comprehend what you're even agreeing to. "Then prove it. Show me just how happy I make you." He grabs your wrist, pulling you face-first into his hard chest. "Do it, and I might reconsider my other more... inhumane methods of courtship." His lips twist into a cruel smirk. "And may the Gods help you."

As you sink to your knees you try to think of what book to read next - but no title comes to mind.

[meirimerens]

(ran this reblog through a discussion with some people who have more experience in storytelling/gamedev than i do and some who are central asian indigenous [which i'm not] to get their point of view on the Kin so it's probably going to be long because I'm condensing multiple discussion pieces in one, it's gonna be one of them Long Posts)

while the Kin is obviously heavily inspired by the Buryat, including in its language which does contain a lot of Buryat words, but also a lot of not-Buryat words (Yargachin, pointedly incredibly important in the game, is Mongolian directly. as stated above, Yas & Merdrel are also Mongolian), I do not know if I agree that finding the other inspirations is "forgetting that and trying to match them to other cultures". The Kin is not "its own somewhat distinct culture", it is its own, imagined, invented, imaginary culture, which takes inspiration from (/plainly steals) from existing ones. It is an imaginary people with heavy foundational roots, in the same way the town is imaginary with heavy foundational roots, and the disease itself is imaginary with heavy foundational roots. It is obvious the game takes inspiration from the Buryats (and from others), but it also, in the name of storytelling, creates a religion which is almost an inverse of Buryat Tengrism (Tengrism, with Kyuk-Tengri, father-sky-god as head of the pantheon, being, from what i'm understanding, pantheistic [the Main God is in everything, and everything is a manifestation of him], polytheistic [while Tengri is the main one, there is a heap of other gods, goddesses and spirits under/around him, with great importance placed on those spirits [44/55 associated with different things]], and of course with a main head of a father-sky-god; whereas the Kin's religion, with Boddho, a mother-earth-goddess* [whose name seems to relate more to Mongolian], is pantheistic [mother Boddho is in everything and everything is a manifestation of her], monotheistic [she is the only one, the all-mother, all-creatoress] OR duotheistic [her + Bos Turokh are the only deities], and lacking in spirits entirely, which are so important to Tengrism), has an important spiritual caste of women (the Herb Brides) who have no resonance within Altaic/Mongolic/Turkic cultures because no culture has Naked, Dancing Young Pretty Women Whose Sole Job is Dancing For Harvest (some types of goddess-priestesses / witches / oracles have always existed, but the Herb Brides are a distinct, obvious invention, which deserves scruteny. you could argue that they correlates with shamans, but in the text it appears evident that is more the place of Burakh [father, then son], and the Herb Brides directly go against a widespread shamanic practice which is the wearing of many layers made of animal skins, bones, antlers, horns in order to disguise oneself, to wander between worlds, to trick the tricksters, etc), and also like. Worms. "crude", "unfinished". half-man half-dirt.

*the cult of an earth-mother/mother-earth exists in Buryat Tengrism with Umai, because earth-goddesses exist/have existed in most pantheons, especially before the advent of pastoralism; however, she is daughter of Tengri, whereas Boddho is all-mother. Mongolian Tengrism has her be named Etugen, and while she is said to have all control over the natural forces and all living forces be subordinate to her, Kyuk-Tengri is still "above" her, she is the "second highest" after him. the existence of a earth-goddess within two religions does not make them more similar than any others (the Greeks had an earth-goddess, Demeter, with theories that she was there before the advent of the hellenic pantheon as an all-mother... etc etc so on). there is also sources stating that at some point, Tengrist or proto-Tengrist peoples might have worshiped him/a sky-father exclusively or so majoritaly that the other deities were aside, but it could also come from biased or outside sources.

we are also unsure about your claim that the Kin represents the Buryats in "interesting and careful" ways. We do not know of your position wrt indigenity (and it's none of my business specifically, might be the business of those in the group who are indigenous but i'll let them decide if they want to contact you directly) and if you were doing research on the Buryats out of a reconnecting journey or intellectual curiosity/desire and personally feel that the Buryats are respectfully represented in P2 as one, but I have read many other Central Asian Indigenous people in this fandom write, since the release of P2 (and possibly before that about P1, as well as in the discussion we were Just Having about this ^) about how the Kin does not represent them faithfully, or even sometimes just kindly, and the treatment of it and its members being insulting in multiple ways (including the fact that their beliefs and language are a hodgepodge of languages and beliefs that feels to "steal" from multiple sources [=appropriative instead of appreciative] which itself is another discussion, do not represent any real-life religion while obviously being inspired by some, and on other levels just the fact that the Kin's clothes do not resemble the vibrant, intricate, and historically-significant clothing of the Buryats, or any of the peoples they are inspired by. That and the fact that they literally have non-human/in text sub-human members [the Worms]). Most of the discussions around the Kin that i've seen, from Central Asian Indigenous people, recognizes and celebrates the inspirations (plural) while still interrogating how callous, cruel, sexualizing and misogynistic the narrative and metanarrative treatment of the Kin is, a far cry from a "careful and interesting way" of representing the Buryats (or any of the other inspirations).

last thing: I am personally curious as to where/how you've found the "half Chinese" data piece, because I have not been able to find anything of the sort online (doesn't help that my grasp on Russian is nonexistent). I have seen it going around, without a source, and I also have seen (in the tags of this) the data of "1/16 Manchu or Han", which is a far cry from "half-" anything, and not related to Shenekhen Buryats. [deleted the rest to add:]

Dybowski, from his own mouth, is not half-chinese, and the tagger who mentioned it being 1/16 was right: on page 57 of [this interview], he mentions his grandfather's father (so great-grandfather) having married a Chinese woman (when he was 60 and her 20, but that's a whoooole other story), making him 1/16 chinese (possibly Han or Manchu as the tagger mentioned). I do not doubt this informs his view of the world and how he is treated, even if he mentions being "the only one in [his] family who really looks Russian", but it is a far-cry from "half-" anything. that does not change the general discussion i've read for years at this point around the Kin, which is that the inspirations are obvious and should be celebrated, but it is obviously imaginary/invented, and in the hazy lines of imagination lies a treatment of the Kin which is cruel, crude, sexist (more specifically misogynistic), often racist and feels more like appropriation for a morally gray ethnicity that pays lip-service to its inspiration but mistreats it nonetheless rather than full, hearty representation.

great discussion! 👍🫂 i'm genuinely glad we can exchange on this. but what is contained in your reblog is, from what i've seen and read, pretty far from the consensus on the Kin. we all can recognize (and we should appreciate and take good care in handling) the real-life inspirations while still seeing that, in the blurry lines of storytelling and "invention" for the sake of (technically) a ~fantasy~ ethnicity, lies like. a racist mistreatment with appropriative qualities. which i've seen people talk about for years at this point.

the pathologic Kin is largely fictionalized with a created language that takes from multiple sources to be its own, a cosmogony & spirituality that does not correlate to the faiths (mostly Tengrist & Buddhist) practiced by the peoples it takes inspirations from, has customs, mores and roles invented for the purposes of the game, and even just a style of dress that does not resemble any of these peoples', but it is fascinating looking into specifically to me the sigils and see where they come from... watch this:

P2 Layers glyphs take from the mongolian script:

while the in-game words for Blood, Bones and Nerves are mongolian directly, it is interesting to note that their glyphs do not have a phonetic affiliation to the words (ex. the "Yas" layer of Bones having for glyph the equivalent of the letter F, the "Medrel" layer of Nerves having a glyph the equivalent of the letter È,...)

the leatherworks on the Kayura models', with their uses of angles and extending lines, remind me of the Phags Pa Script (used for Tibetan, Mongolian, Chineses, Uyghur language, and others)

some of the sigils also look either in part or fully inspired by Phags Pa script letters...

some look closer to the mongolian or vagindra (buryat) script

looking at the Herb Brides & their concept art, we can see bodypainting that looks like vertical buryat or mongolian script (oh hi (crossed out: Mark) Phags Pa script):

shaped and reshaped...

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 15 Coming On 11/20/2024

Just A Little Something 😉

*One Week Later*

One of the vines on the opposing wall of your living room flicks the light switch on, bathing the room in artificial light. You pause, your hand frozen on Bean's back as you look over the living room and kitchen.

The apartment is spotless. There's no empty bottles of scotch or whiskey, no half smoked blunts in the ashtray on the coffee table, no empty pizza boxes stacked next to your couch, and no dirty clothes and socks strewn around the room. In fact, there aren't any clothes at all or shoes.

Everything that belongs to Ben that was once scattered over your small living room is gone, leaving the room almost uncomfortably bare.

Is he doing laundry?

You strain your ears to hear the tell tale sound of the sink or the shower in the bathroom, but don't hear anything.

Maybe he cleaned up because I was gone?

It seems a little out in left field, but you reason to yourself that Ben had tried to clean up while you were gone, just like he did when you got back from the hospital two weeks ago.

But as you walk down the small hallway towards your bedroom you notice that the hall closet when Ben keeps his other things is empty. Every article of clothing, every shoe, every sock, and the small box of personal items that Ben had never let you see into was gone.

Something inside your chest begins to crack, you're not sure what, but all you know is that it doesn't feel good. There's an odd foreboding feeling that sends alarm bells off in your head.

Did he leave?

The thought is like a punch in the gut and your chest tightens, making it difficult to breathe.

Why would he leave without telling me?

You pull your phone out of your back pocket and scroll through to find Ben's number. This time you don't hesitate to hit the call button.

Each time it rings you can feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper into something that you can't describe. You didn't understand why he left, and why, if he did leave, he didn't tell you.

Was it because I didn't pick up the phone when he called? Was it because he finally figured that I wasn't going to sleep with him and he decided to leave?

Ben doesn't answer the phone, but this time you leave him a voicemail.

"Hey Ben, it's me. I just got back to the apartment and all your stuff is gone, which means either we got robbed or you got kidnapped by your evil brother." You laugh awkwardly. "But I'm back in town so you should call me and let me know if your stuff should be here or whatever-um-" You clear your throat trying to keep your voice from shaking a little. "Just call me back okay?"

A/N: Hey guys! I know I've been kinda awol all week, but honestly I am not feeling the greatest at the moment. Hopefully it'll pass, but I am really excited about this next chapter! 🥰

Take A Chance On Me Masterlist

If you'd like to ask me about my WIPs for WIP game my asks are open! And my WIPs are listed on this post!

Taglist:

@roseblue373 @mrsjenniferwinchester @corruptedcruiser @winchesterwild78 @the-super-who-locked-wizard

@criminalyetminimal @52ndstreeet @bitchykittenconnoisseur @anna6307

@faephoria @possiblyafangirl @jqtaro @quietlybitchy @tinydancer40

@roger-that-cap @megara0224 @miskwaadesiwag @rainyeggvoidpurse

@soldiergrimes @tiffsbagels @podiumackles

@ifyouwerethemoon @ririshkin @peachhiz @fitxgrld @sukunassfinger

@xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @ej13928 @deans-spinster-witch @kr804573 @modiddys-blog

@acciosherlockholmes @minas-fantasies @fireskyy

@n-o-p-e-never @nesnejwritings @am0rem @tpwkcalli @momggn

@fitxgrld @whimsicalcherry @ladysparkles78

@spxideyver @zepskies @impala67stellawinchester

@reidtomewinchester @samanthadegaro @glossy01 @nikimisery

@tunnelvisionlove @incandxscents @winchester-stark @samahanta

@melonmochi

@kamisobsessed @whichwitchwanda @karolina-12110905 @jcollins03-blog

@pixviee @filmologetica @yvonneeeee @c1nnamong1rl29 @kmc1989

@livya99 @cherrygirl444 @tulipsvanilla @angrydragon90 @chi-raz

[cleolinda]

When I was a child in the '80s, I absorbed some kind of cultural truism that disco was ridiculous, embarrassing, cheesy, a cultural relic to be mocked at every turn. Remember, I'm under ten years old at this time, and I still manage to get this impression. There was another, milder sea change when grunge overtook the hair metal of the late '80s, so I never questioned the idea that disco should be dead and buried. We like silly things, I thought in my 13-year-old wisdom, and then we get over it.

Then I saw The Last Days of Disco (1998) while I was in college, and suddenly I realized that disco was fun, and it was like—it was in the roots of—music I already loved. And the end of that movie also—hints? tells you? I can't remember how explicitly—that disco didn't just fade like most trends; it was killed off.

I watched a lot of VH1 in those days, the late '90s, with a little TV sitting on my tall university-issue dresser, its corner overlooking my computer desk while I struggled with piles of assignments. This was the heyday of Behind the Music, so it was great background TV. And then one day (1999) they ran a Donna Summer—the "Queen of Disco"—concert special. The video up there is the song that immediately became my favorite of hers. It’s just instant serotonin to me, any version of it. I bought the whole VH1 album on CD, and "This Time I Know It's For Real" may genuinely be one of my all-time favorite songs, now, still, more than 20 years later. You can hear the original version (1989) here (the backing instrumental that I just found today is lovely), but the live version ten years later, the video up there, has a really special comeback—joyous, gracious survival—energy to it.

Watching the whole concert, I got it. Why the fuck did I ever think disco wasn't amazing? It was always the kind of thing I loved; we had all just been pretending that it was embarrassing glitter trash.

And then I found out why we were pretending. From densely-footnoted Wikipedia:

Disco Demolition Night was a Major League Baseball (MLB) promotion on Thursday, July 12, 1979, at Comiskey Park in Chicago, Illinois, that ended in a riot. At the climax of the event, a crate filled with disco records was blown up on the field between games of the twi-night doubleheader between the Chicago White Sox and the Detroit Tigers. Many had come to see the explosion rather than the games and rushed onto the field after the detonation. The playing field was so damaged by the explosion and by the rioters that the White Sox were required to forfeit the second game to the Tigers. [...] The popularity of disco declined significantly in late 1979 and 1980. Many disco artists carried on, but record companies began labeling their recordings as dance music. [...] Rolling Stone critic Dave Marsh described Disco Demolition Night as "your most paranoid fantasy about where the ethnic cleansing of the rock radio could ultimately lead". Marsh was one who, at the time, deemed the event an expression of bigotry, writing in a year-end 1979 feature that "white males, eighteen to thirty-four are the most likely to see disco as the product of homosexuals, blacks, and Latins, and therefore they're the most likely to respond to appeals to wipe out such threats to their security. It goes almost without saying that such appeals are racist and sexist, but broadcasting has never been an especially civil-libertarian medium." Nile Rodgers, producer and guitarist for the disco-era band Chic,

(who survived the disco era to make half the music I loved in the '80s)

likened the event to Nazi book burning. Gloria Gaynor, who had a huge disco hit with "I Will Survive," stated, "I've always believed it was an economic decision—an idea created by someone whose economic bottom line was being adversely affected by the popularity of disco music. So they got a mob mentality going."

The DJ who ran the whole thing, Steve Dahl, complains that it was VH1 itself—you know, those Behind the Music specials I was watching—circa 1996 that labeled the whole debacle as bigotry when it so totally was not, you guys, and he is so tired of defending himself. But I'm gonna tell you, Steve, I don't really care. Maybe Disco Demolition Night was your fault; maybe you were just a part of something so much bigger and uglier that you couldn't see the whole size of it. Can you draw a direct line from the weird bigoted vitriol directed at those dance records to Ronald Reagan, elected the very next year, not giving a single fuck about the AIDS crisis? You probably don't want to, but I will.

And I don't care because I can look around the U.S. right now and tell you, nearly 45 years later, people are trying to demolish a lot more than disco. The Club Q shooter was sentenced to life in prison just a few hours ago. It's Pride Month, and we're all sitting here holding our breaths. That's a terrible way to end a post about a beautiful happy song I love, I guess, unless you turn it around and say, that should have been the whole point of this post in the first place. Listen to this song and think, people wanted to destroy this music, this sound, this joy for some reason. They want to stop people from just living their lives, from dancing. And yet, disco is still here. It was there in 1979, and it was there when Donna Summer released this song in 1989, and it was there when she returned in 1999. The Queen of Disco passed away in 2012, and it's still here. I feel a lot of joy when I listen to this song, but I don't think I'd ever thought about it being the joy of grooving with something just because it’s beautiful, the joy of just being here, still.

[poorbrokemess]

🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠

I have been a Lokean for, as long as I knew it was a thing, before I knew it had a name. I just knew I didn't fit in the *every day* Norse community.

Mayhaps it's the autism.

But I never saw any of what Loki did, at least at the end, an issue. You lock up my kids and break a blood oath? Pfffft. That's the find out stage of. Fuck around. Justified IMO. Like, got off easy justified 😅

Loki stayed present even when I wasn't active in my practice. So when I came back to it, to the Greek pantheons, I already knew, I Loved Hermes.

I conflated the two too extensively. Too much so.

As I sit here now. Looking at Apollons Alter, I can't even imagine how I'd miss it. Confuse them.

My religious distrust (generational trauma, not personal) has always prevented me from even giving "good" deities/gods more than a mere, lovely hello, over there. Way over there. Even further. Thanks. Much love. From a distance.

But it was Apollons Poster I made first.

When I *God gift* mostly it's for Loki and, you guessed it. Apollon.

Of course Hermes box is over flowing, but almost all of that is shit I find on the ground. You know. Trash. 💀

I think Apollon is someone who was about when I was a child. But I closed all doors for a long while.

Now, I can hear Loki, yapper that one. Skadi, when she feels like it.

But it's like Apollon struggles with words? Or hasn't figured a way around my security, so to speak. So it is all physical. Sometimes, I will manage a word. That is not much help. He wants information. Books specifically.

In the past, oh idk, 17 years or so, I do most of my reading from fiction. Fantasy and horror specifically. I Google like no body's business, not the same action to my brain.

So idk if it's a me problem, but like I can feel him, I sometimes get images (books, cards, llama.)

But words are limited.

But very *this body is too small* type feelings.

The urge for non fiction books. I devoured at least 12 in the past few months.

Books and music

Music

Omg I can sing ?

I probably sound like garbage, but I don't feel that way so it's okay 😆😅

It's almost reassuring a portion of his myths he's a dick in them. Justified or no. So I can't say he's all good, so my brains like, okay this one's welcome.

But I still can't hear him 😃🫠

I've been trying so hard. Just feelings and sensations that are not mine. 😵‍💫

Either way, he's been trying in my dreams and we've worked out a signal.

Idk how to change the station so we are speaking the same language. That's how it feels. Like a tv stuck on a language you know a few words of, but not many. But you're able to see it.

I can't see it. I feel it. Best I can do to describe it though.

Has anyone else had this issue with Apollon, or is it a me thing, as I assume 😆😅

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Writeblr Questionnaire

Thanks @illarian-rambling here, @paeliae-occasionally here, @willtheweaver here, @honeybewrites here, @urnumber1star here,

And @leahnardo-da-veggie here!

About You:

When did you start writing?

Genuinely I'm not sure, but I do have physical evidence that it's been a while. The first story I wrote was called "In the Dark." I was at the age where I drew several pictures with one color of marker with stick figures and my mom wrote the words for me. I'd say preschool-aged. I think I was three.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

I am a person with a huge bias toward fantasy in the things I write and consume. However, I'm not picky with genres, it just happens to be a pattern. I really do love plenty of realistic fiction books. It just so happens that I have exactly one realistic fiction story in my WIP ideas. One. And even then, it needed a gimmick to be interesting for me to write. I have no interest in writing realistic fiction other than that. But I really do love plenty of realistic fiction books!

I want to write a mystery one day, but it'll have to be a fantasy mystery. I do love plenty of realistic fiction mystery books and shows and stuff. I could never write historical fiction, although that isn't a frequented genre to begin with.

Theme-wise, I couldn't say. I don't really care.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

Nope. I think people will make their own comparisons, but there's no one in particular I am trying to emulate. I'm just me.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

Sometimes I just write on the couch or at a random place at school, but I've been going to my desk a lot more. It's just in my room, I'm on a swivel chair, and my laptop is on top of it. Nothing special.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Read my old writing or my notes! I see stuff I forgot about or I get ideas from the details. Occasionally I'll check out a video or something if I'm truly stuck.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Uh, yes. Why do you think I set the "real world" in a middle-class intermediate school in the greater Houston area on a six-lane FM road with a Sonic, Walgreens, and apartment complex nearby? It's a lot easier to describe things that way. Everywhere else I have to make up a floor plan for interiors and use Google Maps for the surrounding scenery.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

A lot of queer and neurodivergent people. No, that does not surprise me. It me. It accident.

Friends-to-lovers is my most common romantic relationship, but there's also a lot of platonic and queerplatonic relationships.

Interpersonal relationships in general are huge themes of mine and appear in almost everything I write.

Since I write YA, there's a lot of coming of age.

None surprise me.

Your Characters:

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

Oof that's hard. For TSP... I love talking about Carmen. She's such an asshole, but she's super interesting. I want to put her under a microscope and study her. She's a character I'm constantly thinking about. I like seeing why she does the things she does. She's developed into a character I originally didn't think much about, and now I can't stop! She's also funny. She doesn't mean to be, but she's so high-strung and angry that she is fun to write for.

For SOTL, it's Tierney. I have one chapter with him, but that doesn't matter. He's amazing and I love talking about him. He's a mess. He's a nerd. He's awkward. I love him.

Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

Well, the characters closest to my age are Liam and George, and I think I'd be friends with them! Liam may occasionally get on my nerves in the debate side of him, but I think I'd get used to it, especially because his part of the grilled cheese debate is based on someone I actually know and am friends with.

I'm not sure about being friends with the kids, but I do hang out with plenty due to being an educator, and I remember how I was at that age. Out of everyone, Robbie and Akash feel like they'd perfectly fit into my friend group, which may be why I love writing them so much. Individually I think Gwen is the one I'd be most likely to get along with.

I haven't written enough of SOTL, but I'd get along with Jill. Also Ritchie and their group of friends.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Carmen, I'm so sorry, I would not like you. Gabriel also can get rude and boring. Noelle constantly mentioning her mom would get on my nerves, if I'm being honest. I feel like I could only take Parker in small doses, even if I really like Wade.

I'm not far enough in SOTL to make a decision except for the purposefully antagonistic characters.

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

Well, TSP it really depends. Here are all the characters I think are worth mentioning for the entire series.

Originally based on someone I knew before developing a completely different personality: Lexi, Maddie, Ash, Gwen, Noelle, Rose, Kelsey, Carla, George, Hye-Jin, Atsila

They started out as someone completely different in previous drafts and then in the process of developing them I got attached: Jedi, Carmen

I created them for Draft Four as a love interests and then I got attached: Robbie, Akash

I created them in Draft Four to fill up the background: Liam, Ewan, Jazlyn, Wade, Parker, Tyler, Niri, Gabriel, Sam

I needed a name for a prominent figure and then I kept using it and they became important: Raissa

I needed characters for the AU didn't I?: Alex, Issa, CJ, Wendy

Background characters I had no intention of making important: Teo, Xitlali, Anathi

For SOTL, it's simple. Get a character from a fairy tale, nursery rhyme, fable, legend, other public domain work, etc and make them my own!

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

Most of them are queer and neurodivergent. Most are in the 11-25 range given the demographic I write in.

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

I want TSP and SOTL to both be in hand-drawn animation, so I imagine them like that. Western animation with anime inspiration like ATLA, Teen Titans, etc is what I typically imagine it in.

Your Writing:

What’s your reason for writing?

I love it!! And also I'd go insane. It's also why I write reviews and analyses of stuff. I've stayed up until 2 am before thinking thoughts on TV shows and I legit can't sleep until I've written an essay.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I've gotten "oh I like this little detail" or "wow good dialogue" or "realistic friendship!!" And that always makes me happy.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

I just want people to like my characters, is that too much to ask?

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I really like character building and details around their lives. I think I'm good at writing consistent characters because I've put so much work behind them.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

Dialogue! So many people comment on the realism of my dialogue, and I really like that!

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

If it's at 1 am I think it's awful. When I read my old writing I cringe. Sometimes if I'm in a bad mood my self esteem plummets. But overall, when I look back, I see how far I've come. When I make a revision, even a small one, I smile because I know my writing is getting better. I just get excited about improvement!

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yes because it helps me sleep. Were you not paying attention lol

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

No. I write for ME.

Tagging @mk-writes-stuff @elsie-writes @eccaiia @mysticstarlightduck @chauceryfairytales

+ ANYONE ELSE

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

SOTL intro

SOTL tag list (ask to be +/-): @illarian-rambling @katwritesshit @wyked-ao3

Under the cut are the blank questions put together for easy copy/paste

About You: When did you start writing? Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write? Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared? Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.) What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse? Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about? Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all? Your Characters: Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.) Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life? Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them? Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters. Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters? How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.) Your Writing: What’s your reason for writing? Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers? How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.) What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer? What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others? How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.) If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write? When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

[sgiandubh]

If they followed the books they'd be more frisky 🤡

But obviously some of it can't be translated into tv......

Dear Frisky Anon,

You should have discussed it with a real Gabaldon Expert like @gotham-ruaidh, not with Phoney here, who still fumbles around The Fiery Cross. So, I think you will have to ask me once I am done with Bees, which I bet will be just in time for the second half of Season 7 to kick in. I am told J&C do not have any problems in that department until the very end of it, and well, what can I say, it's Herself's prerogative to portray as she sees fit a legendary, all-encompassing love story as the one she magically created out of thin air (all writing is magic, trust me).

Never mind. Your question made me think, just as I was preparing the lazy dinner for 1 (Baby the Retriever is gone until Tuesday evening), about a couple of things, dealing with adapting content to the screen and also about how our minds deal with the difference between a book and the movie/series based on that book.

Adapting Gabaldon is a very difficult task. Take for example The Fiery Cross' never-ending Gathering. My God, all those words to describe just 24 hours! I have just finished with that unfortunate thief and I am so dizzy with it, I can't even remember if they had breakfast yet. The only solution they had was to go off canon and invent something at The Ridge, because it would have taken forever and hey, it's all about a healthy costs/benefits ratio, too. And mark me: Herself is no Marcel Proust, able to make us dream for hours about his description of Vermeer's View of Delft, somewhere In Search of Lost Time. FYI, I had to wait, as millions before me, until I fucked my meniscus skiing (or attempting to snow plough, to be honest) to discover Proust, but never looked back. Also FYI, Luchino Visconti tried to make a film out of Proust's voluminous saga, but failed. Nina Companeez managed (2011) a very, very poor TV series: unwatchable, and I tried. It is unfeasible - so, overall, I think the series scriptwriters' team did a very good job slaloming between botanical babble, Appalachian folklore, the White Sow and yes, J&C getting frisky.

But the thing I wanted to tell you (so long for distributive attention, I've just burnt my baguette and chicken and will have to start it over again) is just how different the experience of reading something and watching the same thing being translated on screen is. I am obviously no neuroscientist, but I am an avid and normally a quick reader. When you read something, you are at once completely spellbound and totally free: you are taken with the characters' interaction, but you are the master of your course imagining them. You placate your own vision of the world on what you read and, at the same time, you are being overtly manipulated by the storyteller: how this can be is, for sure, a mystery. When you watch an adaptation of what you once read, half of the work is being already done for you: you don't have to imagine these people interacting, they are walking and talking in front of you and then, you focus on other things. It's all about the energy they manage (or not) to convey: acting is, in a fair measure, akin to channeling that energy.

As far as I can tell, the scriptwriters opted for a more subdued approach to Jamie, Claire, sex and old age. But can you say with absolute certainty we aren't collectively projecting our own fantasies on what is certainly Herself's very euphemistic, almost conservative way of writing sex scenes? Anais Nin, she ain't. Embraces and moments of - ahem - togetherness abound and we are left to our own devices to imagine things.

Thus, the horrendous and, to be honest, childish battle between the Book Purists' Crowd and the rest of this fandom. It apparently was dealt with pretty quickly, but it did manage to leave a nasty, long lasting legacy: the Book Boyfriend had to go on and remain a screen fantasy. That is wrong. That selfishness almost floundered the book adaptation project and I bet whatever you want me to bet it took deep feelings not to also compromise something else, money can't buy.

A long answer for a simple question. Make of it whatever you wish, Anon: I wrote it with pleasure, though. :)

[differentluminaryllama]

Books and a Cup of Tea (part 8): The Wheel of Time: The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan

Warning: fangirling ahead. Lots of fangirling. I'm serious. This is your last chance to turn around.

Oh, you're still here? Well, then -

When I started reading the Wheel of Time, it took me a little time to get into the writing style. Everything felt slow and a little bit lengthy at first, but in the end, now, after having finished the book yesterday... Wow. What first felt like a peculiar, drawn out writing style that hinged too much on descriptions of - well, everything... quickly became my favorite part of the book. Jordan describes a lot, and very detailed too - you will find yourself mentally standing in eight different common rooms of inns while reading this book alone, and if you ever questioned how to best describe clothing and dresses? This book is for you, my friend. Jordan describes everything in so much detail - the cities, the wilderness, the people - without ever making it boring. You simply feel as if you were a fly on the wall accompanying this bunch from the Two Rivers all the way to Fal Dara.

Next: the characters. They were all so lifelike. Well, Moiraine is my favorite, no questions asked. She's a queen. I love her.

But what's most refreshing about the Emond's Fielders is that they are realistically afraid. Instead of just accepting their fate, and welcoming it, they are full of doubts and flaws. I mean, Rand is afraid even after he traveled basically across half the continent and goes into the Blight to get to the Eye of the World. He doesn't say: "oh, I'm important to the Pattern, I got this". He's afraid - even 729 pages in, when he's almost at the finish line of a months long journey, he's afraid.

Light help me, I've never been so afraid. I don't want to go any further. No further!

from: The Wheel of Time: The Eye of the World - Chapter 49: The Dark One Stirs, p. 729

He doesn't adapt as quickly as other main characters do in current fantasy novels, which is refreshing.

I mean, just compare this to The Atlas Six, where at least three main characters have a god complex after the first two books.

They are so many interesting characters and lore and story to this world Jordan created. It's all amazing.

I did not see a single plot twist coming.

So, in a nutshell, EotW is above all else one thing: Glorious.

[cuntftmtf]

Not Kink!

Hi so i just wanted to say, it's totally okay if you don't post it or don't respond in anyway. I guess I'm just in my thoughts or feels rn. But I just wanted to ask if someone else experiences this.

So I come on Tumblr and look at all sorts of shit and try and get off, you know? As most of us on this side of Tumblr do. I'm into a lot of different kinks, ya know misgendering, noncon, orientation play, etc. The roster, ya know? And usually it's great and fun and whatever, but I've noticed that sometimes, after I get myself off, my mood suddenly changes. The best way I could describe it is somewhere between post-nut clarity and sub drop, but closer to sub drop. Like I get off and suddenly I feel almost empty and not like myself and sometimes feeling depressed and self loathing. And I'm sure I'm not crazy, and I'm not the only one who experiences this, but I never see it talked about anywhere so I guess I just wanted to see if that was something other people experienced. And if you or anybody had any tips on how to handle it ig, idk it's rough in here sometimes.

Again, it's totally okay and understandable if you don't post this or respond. It's not your responsibility to comfort a complete stranger on the Internet. I just figured it couldn't hurt to ask

hey, first off i hope its okay that i'm posting this publicly, i think you said something really important and i think other people would benefit from seeing this too!

to start off, those feelings are totally normal and i've been there plenty of times. especially after taking this kink out of fantasy i would sometimes get uncomfortable, regretful, moody, etc.. you're engaging in dark and personal kinks that sometimes come from a conflicting place. it can be hard to reconcile getting off to things that are also uncomfortable and even triggering sometimes, and when you're suddenly no longer horny that can hit pretty hard.

i guess what's important to figure out for yourself is what's making you feel like that. are you ashamed? did you trigger yourself? is confronting you with your identity in a way you find uncomfortable? sometimes that post nut depression is just a physical reaction too, plenty of people feel inexplicably down after they cum. it's not strange and you don't have to worry about it. but i do find it important to determine the reason for it, because you could be hurting yourself by getting off to these kinks if it's coming from a not so healthy place. remember that kink should be a rewarding exploration and not an actual punishment for yourself.

as for getting past the drop, look up aftercare guides for psychological bdsm scenes. my main ones are:

have something to drink and put some sugars in your body so you get some energy back

provide yourself any kind of self care you like. that could include wrapping up in a nice blanket, asking a friend about their day, maybe taking a nice bath or shower, but can also mean folding some laundry or any other mindless little task you would feel better about if it was finished!

remind yourself that your kinks are not indicative of your value or morality, dark kinks don't make you a bad (queer) person, they're just a way to get your rocks off

put on a show or a podcast to take your mind off things if you find your thoughts are running wild

i hope you feel a little less alone in this experience! lastly, if you're playing with a partner who's into this type of thing, let them know when you need some extra care after a scene. don't just let them drop you if you need to come down gently.

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tags @wyked-ao3 and @inkednotebook!

Character Profile Tag

Because I've been working on two big report chapters recently and I miss him, let's do Anarac!

Full name: Anarac Fifth-Blood

Age: He died at 32, but existed for about ~7000 years after that, so I'm not sure how you'd count that

Gender: Cis man

Type of Being: Araunian

Appearance: A tall, gaunt man with berry-red skin, amber-brown eyes surrounded by dark circles, ears that come to a rounded point, and shoulder-length blonde hair usually pulled into a slightly unkempt ponytail. He looks older than 32 by a good bit. A wound encircles his throat, and though his head stays on, it's easy to infer he died by beheading. He wears a tunic of ancient make with some bits of light armor on his chest, forearms, and shins.

Way of speaking: Not much at all. Anarac rarely speaks more than a few words at a time. His voice is deeply strained and rusty with disuse. Without the enchantment that allows the crew of the Starbreaker to understand each other with clarity, his Janazi dialect is very antiqued.

Physical characteristics: Dude has top-tier crazy eyes. That's probably what an outside observer would notice the most. Anarac switches between looking through most things and focusing with an incredible intensity. Also, the way he moves is pretty jerky and uncoordinated, almost like he's not used to having a body to move.

Occupation: Even the dead (or these dead, at least) have to work, so he's the R.S. Starbreaker's onboard End expert.

Family: In life, he had two sons, Finlay and Baerdyn. The last time he saw them, they were thirteen and ten. He was never close with his parents. He also had an ex-wife named Eabain who never paid her fantasy child support.

Best friend: I wouldn't describe the crew of the Starbreaker as his best friends yet, but Izjik has earned that title. They haven't seen each other in a long time, since he's dead and all, yet he still considers her a pal.

Pets: None currently.

Relationships: The crew of the Starbreaker is who he's been interacting with lately. In his mind, he sees Faalgun as a responsible leader who frequently bites off more than he can chew, Nyda as easily the funniest person he's ever met, Kaulakri as a stuffy science type who's also the actual hand behind keeping the mission on track, and Pash as a misguided kid who someone really should've taught better manners to.

Describe their room: None of the ghost crew got rooms when the ship was constructed because they don't technically need them. They've carved out their own places, though, so Anarac's 'room' is a private corner between a supply crate and the wall. It's dark, with a little slit he can watch the cargo hold through. There aren't really any decorations, but he does work on sample sorting in there, so there are usually a few stacks of preservation boxes.

Items in their bag/purse/pockets: Honestly, nothing.

Hobbies: People-watching is a big one. He sort of remembers that he liked to cook in life, but he hasn't had the chance to try that out again yet.

Favorite sport: Another thing he remembers enjoying in life is dancing. Dance was a big part of communal Araunian culture, so he would've gotten a lot of practice in life. Maybe he'll work up the courage to try again someday.

Abilities/talents/powers: Anarac has been dead for long enough that, while he can feel pain on an abstract level, his brain has lost the need to perceive it as dangerous, so it doesn't actually 'hurt' him. Also, give him a situation where he has no choice, and my boy can kick some ass in a fight.

Fears: Everything? Ok, I'm only kinda kidding there, but Anarac is extremely skittish around any overwhelming sensations, since he hasn't had a body for 7000 years. He's scared of people because he still has the initial instinct that End is going to take control and make him kill them. He scared of the stars especially, because of End again.

Faults: His fear. It keeps him from reaching out or beginning to heal. Also, a bit of a minor one, but after being part of a hive mind, his sense of boundaries is a little eroded. He will 100% watch you sleep because what is that compared to watching you think?

Good points: Under all the fear and general creepiness, he has a heart of gold. Anarac does his best to protect and guide the people he cares about, albeit in his own way. Those dad instincts are very much present. He also has a genuine curiosity about new people and new ways of doing things.

What they want more than anything else: To find the lost Araunian afterlife and apologize to his sons.

I'll tag @mk-writes-stuff @kaylinalexanderbooks @astor-and-the-endless-ink @drchenquill @cain-e-brookman and anyone else who wants in :)

Questions under the cut

Full name: Age: Gender: Type of Being: Appearance: Way of speaking: Physical characteristics: Occupation: Family: Best friend: Pets: Relationships: Describe their room: Items in their bag/purse: Hobbies: Favourite sport: Abilities/talents/powers: Fears: Faults: Good points: What they want more than anything else:

[lailoken]

hello Lailoken. I've been practicing my craft for over 6 years now and I've spent so much time researching, experimenting and worshipping. I take my craft very seriously. but no matter how hard I work, I can't seem to see my gods and spirits visually. I feel them in omens and in the way magic works when they're called on, and I even interact with them in dreams. but no matter what I do, I can't see them manifested visually when awake. do you think i'm doing something wrong? 😔

I'm sorry you're struggling with these doubts, dear Anon, but know that you are not alone. I have had multiple people express similar concerns to me in the past. The thing is, what you are describing about your interactions is what actual communion with numinous wights looks like for the vast majority of seekers!

I'm not totally sure how the concept of spirits taking consistent physical shape has become at all widespread, though my guess would be that much of it comes from very literal readings of mythology and representations of spirits in fantasy media. The truth, however, is that such interactions with spirits are not the norm by any stretch of the imagination. I won't claim that this isn't the case for anyone, as I don't like to claim certainty of most things, and people can be quite unique. But to be extremely frank, if you are seeing a lot of practitioners talking about seeing their spirits as if they are clearly and physically visible, they are almost certainly lying in order to self-aggrandize or experiencing some sort of psychosis. I realize that's a fairly serious statement, but I firmly stand by it.

Can spirits be gleaned as if physically seen? Yes, I think so. There may even be some people who are more prone to seeing such things than others. But I think those sorts of experiences are extremely rare, and people who say otherwise should be treated with wariness.

In my lifetime of practice, I have had visual experiences of this sort only a handful of times, and none of them was anywhere near as cinematic or dramatic as some might claim. I have seen hazy, luminous, and humanoid shapes in the periphery of my vision when working with the Fae, which were gone as soon as I tried to look at them. I have seen shadows coalesce in the benighted woods to take on the hyperrealistic look of an eerily grinning face, only to dissipate as candlelight revealed the scene further. I have seen the foam of running water take on shockingly distinct animal shapes when working with a river spirit, which turn to rushing foam again as soon as I focus on them. Aside from one bizarrely palpable experience I had as a young child—which has never been repeated, despite my explorations— these are what physical manifestations look like for me, and even these situations are few and far between.

When my Kith interact with me, I, too, experience it through omens, feelings, and dreams, and they are not any less real or powerful for it. In fact, I would argue that dreams are the place where one has the best ability to truly interact with spirits in a tangible way; its just a matter of training yourself to recognize and interpret different types of dreams. Working on lucid dreaming can also be extremely useful.

So, to answer your last question: no, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. It sounds to me like you are cultivating a meaningful and honest relationship with your spirit kith, and I encourage you to keep at it without comparing yourself to others on the internet. After all, it's difficult to determine when someone is offering earnest wisdom or just playing dress up, but you know your own experiences.

[look-i-love-u]

Tag Game Wednesday

Gone full week and arrived at Wednesday again. Oops.

This is totally last week's one.

thank you for tagging me: @vintagelacerosette, @jrooc, @shippergirl121fic, @energievie, @ian-galagher, @blue-disco-lights @michellemisfit

Name and A03 handle: Vey, miss_snowwhitepink

Current Location: on the couch, sipping water, trying to get better hydrated

Favourite picrew:

What's one thing you want in a picrew? more body types, more fantasy, more pets

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

Fuck-U-Up Mug

Why is it your favourite?

Painted this mug for the first gallacrafts theme and I still love it and use it almost daily. It's still looking as good as day one. And it made me write a little one-shot to go with

Did it come easily or was it hard to create?

It was the first time I tried to draw a lily. So that was a bit of an adventure. The baking of the mug to fix the colour was a bit nerve-wrecking too as I feared it would break in the oven. But it all worked out just fine :)

Last ao3 fic you commented on? It's been a while since I read ffs. I've been on a "sports guys hooking up and finding love" binge read lately, so I've read about ten books or so in the last few months and not a single ff. O.o

The last comment I wrote that got a reply was Evie's "When you say nothing at all"

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? I don't really read WIPs since my early fandom days and getting burned by them. But that's about half my lifetime ago and I can't remember a specific story.

So I'll say all the WIPs in my doc drafts and especially the three collabs that I was super excited about my writing partner(s) weren't and they never even took off or got abandoned quite early on.

Favourite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic?

Oh, so many! Any and all AUs - as I love to see them find each other in every universe.

Soulmate!Aus especially. Hurt/Comfort. Pining! Long burn! Yes! Give me all the delayed gratification and the good stomach tingles from it!

Least favourite? Break-Up/Second chance fics, probably. I'm all about them getting together the first time and then hopefully living their happily ever after.

Also sick!fics and character deaths. Real life got enough of that. I don't want to read it in my escape media as well.

Secret or surprising kink or trope?

From hand holding to monsterfuckery - I'm a pretty open book when it comes to my kinks, I think. No secrets to uncover here.

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new?

Elated. Happy. Nervously excited. Eager to share it.

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line:

Time pressure and a sense of responsibility.

Works for my work writing, works for fun writing. It's also probably the only reason I still remember to write a Galladrabble each week. XD

And getting a good response to what I did. Serotonine works wonders for my motivation and creativity.

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? Scroll through tumblr. Look at amazing pretty art and send my faves to people who I know share my love for it.

[urmom-jokes-ceo]

fic writer interview¡!

thanks a lot for the tag @aconfusedkitten !! <33

how many works do you have on ao3?

110! my past self (from 3 years ago or so) would've been so amazed omg... and my present self is a bit too, to be honest

your top five stories by kudos/likes?

1. Put me back together (or separate the skin from bone) | 呪術廻戦 |  Jujutsu Kaisen

2. Senseless | 原神 |  Genshin Impact

3. Day 3: let your senses guide you | 呪術廻戦 |  Jujutsu Kaisen

4. Some things never change, even when they hurt | 原神 |  Genshin Impact

5. Such a mess together (you make me lose my temper) | 原神 |  Genshin Impact

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

comments? i love comments! and yep, i do respond to all of them... well, almost all of them. as for multi-chaptered fics, i often save the comments left in the last posted chapter as motivation for me to post the next chapter and answer them all in one go😭

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

that's a tough question... i've written a few mcd fics (7 in total) so i guess any of them. however, the saddest one, in my opinion, was Day 19: "I wish I could get you back". thing is, with that fic, there was no twist: basically, one character tried to return another character to life, but was just able to make his heart beat... without the dead character actually coming back. yep, i was rly going through it while writing that one...

what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

free to be you & me definitely. although it's entirely fluff, so i don't know if it counts. apart from that one, it's hard to say– most of my fics don't end well😭

ohh there it is! I know you burn with feelings I cannot return, my dear. it takes a bit to get there but we do reach a happy ending!

do you write crossovers?

i'm afraid not... i'm not really a fan of those but i have written some AUs!

have you ever received hate on a fic?

not literal hate but i have received some passive agressive comments i've either ignored or replied with some silly remark

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

eh... i've written smut twice (always as single scenes for longer fics) and haven't really enjoyed the experience. it's kind of awkward to me, and i totally preffer writing angst or, i dare say, fluff...

have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so *shrugs*

have you ever had a fic translated?

yep! to chinese, i think...

have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope but would love to!

what's your all-time favourite ship?

all-time favourite doesn't really apply to me since i change the owner of the title almost every month😭

currently, i'm writing quite a lot for chaeya (genshin impact) and vashwood (trigun) but reti (final fantasy 7) has a special place in my heart... wait that does kinda mean all-time favourite... shit...

what's a wip that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

most of my abandoned works, i'm afraid. the ones that have more than a year tho! dont lose hope on the rest...

what are your writing strenghs?

and the crowd goes silent... uhh i've been told a few times i'm very good at getting the characters' personalities right, like their dialogues and actions

what are your writing weaknesses?

DESCRIPTIONS. they're my worst enemy. however english being the language in which i write fics but not my first language may or may not have something to do with it. still, describing things is both my least favourite thing and a writing weakness of mine

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

hmm let's see. i do enjoy characters fully speaking in another language, specially when they're from another nation/planet/whatever because... not every character has to speak in english?? but i do dislike when the character is talking in english and they casually slip a word in their native language (i've seen this a lot when they use pet names) and it... ruins the moment, but that's just me of course

what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

arcane, definitely!! in fact, i already have a caitvi draft, fituring a missing scene (with lots of angst, blood and injury, whump, etc). aand maybe gintama, but i'm waiting til i finish watching the whole thing

what's your favourite fic you've written?

There's no place like home, which, fun fact, is also my longest fic! it took literally two years and a day to finish writing and posting so it's almost like a child of mine at this point

tagging: @thedarling @itskaeee and any fic writer moot i might have missed that wants to participate!!

[syncopein3d]

Smoke, Salt and Asbestos: A Friendly Review

Introduction and Format Explanation:

I've just finished reading Smoke, Salt And Asbestos by @quietly-by-myself. In the communities where I spend most of my time here on Tumblr, I see occasional recommendations but nothing I would call a review, so I thought I'd go into a little more detail about why I enjoyed this story. I'm still a relative newcomer here in 2024, so if I'm wrong about that, send links in the notes and I will include them here!

The reason I think a positive review might be useful to my audience is that, when people praise a story, they seldom give enough detail for me to know as a reader if I will also want to read it. These are stories I liked personally, and this means that reviews will mostly be of hurt/comfort stories with happy or at least ambiguous endings.

Ambiguous here means characters may part, or may have dangling plot threads for later, but they have survived and are in some way better or recovering.

This doesn't mean I disliked everything I didn't review; I read a lot of stories and can't review them all. This is just for stories that are completed according to the author (something of a rare category already) and that I thought deserved special mention.

Another reason is that the Tumblr writing format is more akin to the magazine serials of yesteryear than a novel. Each installment has to have something to hook a reader's attention, and any overarching plot must serve that goal. This is different from writing a short story, intended to build rapidly to a punchy conclusion, or a novel, which may scatter its impactive moments on the way to a three to five-act structure. I will argue to the death that this is its own valid art form, and as such, it deserves to be reviewed as much as any published short-form content collection.

I'll attempt some light analysis, but I won't ask authors if I'm right about their intent first, so you only get my reader impressions on it. As such, I might be wrong about some or all of how I describe a story and its lore. I don't insist on death of the author once a review is up, so authors are welcome and encouraged to comment!

Summary:

In brief, and without major spoilers, SSA is an original fantasy story about an alchemist, in this case a more external science-based form of magic practitioner, who finds and tries to help a changeling, a badly injured fae creature who has been abused by his former family and village. There is violent content but no sexual content.

Vibes:

If you're reading this as a whump fan, the biggest thing you probably want to know is the vibe. We all have that feel we're looking for, and it's radically different for different people.

This is a hurt/comfort story, where the people doing the harm are mostly offscreen and in flashback. (This will surprise no one who's read my own work on here; I mostly prefer h/c and will therefore mostly write and review that.) There's a lot of dwelling on the pain, both physical and emotional, of the character Briac, a changeling who has been terribly beaten and tortured by his human community and family through no fault of his own (he was not aware he was a changeling either). And there's a long, carefully articulated treatment and recovery arc. His rescuer Silvanus' arc is more emotional than physical, but he has a bit of this too with a curse he is under (again, almost from birth, and through no fault of his own).

There's a short period where Silvanus causes Briac further pain, first out of ignorance of how to treat him, then because the magical healing process is itself painful. It's never out of malice, so if you also like accidental carewhumper vibes, there's a bit of that too. I'm normally not into carewhump, but I ended up liking this a lot, too. It's a source of potent emotions but feels safe enough that I don't feel afraid of a bad ending.

There are a lot of teary and emotional scenes here dealing with Briac and Silvanus coping with their situations and relationships (again, no spoilers). I thought these were handled well, even if they're not what I necessarily come to a story for.

Characters and Setting:

This story is set in an original high fantasy universe with some thorough and interesting lore. There are many ways to interpret fae, as with vampires or living weapons or any other topic, and this one hints at a bigger world without interrupting the story with tons of exposition. I really liked that. I like whump stories, but I also love deep lore.

This story deals with two magic systems, magery and alchemy, with alchemists using an external Source and strict rules and documentation, and the magic of mages and fae being more flowing and subjective. The magic words we're shown for the latter are surreal and poetic, and that's a flavor that I liked for these strange creatures and their relationship to the caprice of the natural world.

Themes (Mild Spoilers):

The overall theme of Salt, Smoke and Asbestos reads to me like a meditation on familial estrangement. It's not a tough read into the material. Briac was abandoned and even permanently scarred by his human mother. He doesn't know who his fae parents were, and has no way to find out.

Silvanus was cursed as a child because his parents attacked the fae, was adopted by other fae, and then was forced to leave the sanctuary where he grew up because the curse gives him a bad smell to these creatures. As a result, he has less contact with his sister, with whom he has an overall positive relationship and whom he would obviously like to see more. He can't interpret his fae foster father's attitude and actions and has a lot of angst about that, too.

Silvanus eventually has to suffer another familial abandonment by yet another surrogate. It's not surprising that he is ultimately better able to connect with Briac, another broken bird who does not represent his repeated abandonment by those who should have cared for him, and that the ultimate denouement of the story is about assembling your own new bonds more than it is about trying to regain the old ones. Not only that, but a key climax of the overall story has to do with Silvanus' determination not to abandon Briac as they have both been abandoned before.

I thought the overall treatment of this was very satisfying and cathartic.

Final Comments and Recommendation:

I binged this story over a couple of sessions. I thought it flowed well and was a very easy, appealing read. As a whump story, it has some excellent hurt/comfort content. It's not a romance, but characters ultimately do form close bonds, and I liked that. It's rare and nice to find an acknowledgment of the value of platonic bonding. Obviously I will be wrong about that if the characters became romantically involved later, but that's how it looks to me from what I read.

If you like hurt and comfort whump in a fantasy setting, give this story a look!

[noors-reflection]

Pixels and Poetry: Yeule's Sonic World

What effects does it have on someone when their closest friends are usernames, and their happiest memories are bound to pixels and internet signals? Yeule's music has been a gateway for me to explore these niche themes: digital loneliness & also my own queerness; she expresses the emotional complexities of this digital era—a space where connection is abundant yet often feels hollow. 

Yeule's entire discography is an auditory experience that feels like both a cry for connection and a celebration of the freedom the virtual world can bring. It's music that is supposed to be listened to when you're sitting at your computer in the dark when nobody else is awake, with no one else to talk to. when your brain is tangled in its own thoughts. It feels like exiting a panic attack where everything seems more calm than it started. Issues still feel difficult but they're not as insurmountable as they were in the beginning.

Everything feels nice and comforting yet bittersweet (a word I'll be using a lot to describe her music.) It's exactly what I feel when I look back at all the friends I've made online, most I don't have contact with any longer, and the digital spaces that served as queer safe havens for almost all of my youth, a substitute for not being able to come out to my own family. It's really strange to have these intimate connections with people you've never seen. Despite how easy it is to be vulnerable and to open up online, those moments will most often exist only in that space, and oftentimes they'll disappear with time too.

Dream pop as a genre is introspective in this way too. It's something that's paradoxically synthetic yet real. Yeule encompasses these feelings in her music, how something artificial can somehow be more real than anything you've ever experienced.

In an interview with LE MILE magazine, she touches on the melancholy and emptiness conveyed in her music because of internet-induced solitude by sharing:

"The internet was a form of escape for me, but how I used it was wrong. I was creating this fake world by myself. It was inspiring, but I was in my head to the point where I was imagining things beyond comprehension. I’m a whole different person online, like a whole different persona. It’s not about being inauthentic but showing a part of myself that I repress. I see this anger and dark side to me sometimes when playing games."

In her album Serotonin II, she conveys not only the bittersweet nature of time spent on the internet but hopes for the future as well. It's almost as if she's letting you know personally that things are going to be okay, that is until the final track Veil of Darkness where the "veil" slips and you see the darkness in yeule's world: the confusion, the noise, the stress, the anger. It's something that's always been there but it just lurked under the surface. Once the distractions are gone, negativity is left with it. This is depicted in the music video for Pretty Bones where she best describes it herself in a comment under a reddit Q&A:

"pretty bones emanates a somber, dreary atmospheres that "loom" over the picturesque and aesthetically pleasing, evoking an anxiety that builds and distorts/ catches the viewer off guard as the video progresses. i wanted it to temporally shift to something quite disturbing , at first hinting at it and then fully revealing itself- just like when you grow up- from a child into the grown up world you are thrown forcefully into the corruptions and you fight and struggle to protect yourself from it, but some fall and some cannot handle the shift from "purities" or whatnot, in terms of mental health or people hurting you, environmental stressors that lead to a disintegration"

Yeule’s influences vary from the numerous aesthetics ranging from shoegaze to grunge, but namely Final Fantasy (which is where the name yeul comes from), a video game where you can get lost in an intricately crafted universe, yet feel the isolation of being the only one occupying it, is exactly what her music feels like to me—an immersive experience where everything is designed to captivate, but there’s always an underlying sense of solitude. She touches on this a bit by talking about her influences in the same interview by expressing:

"Dissociation was a huge hobby of mine in 2021. It got so bad that I’d dissociate while doing something important, and it would get dangerous. My body was shutting down because everything was too overwhelming. I didn’t have the tools to handle strong emotions"

Not relying solely on lyrics to convey this expression of self-discovery, fully embracing these influences, wearing them like a badge of honor in ways that are uniquely her own, she also uses sound effects, glitch, bitcrushing, and reverb to create feelings of fragmentation and digital decay, which perfectly embody the themes discussed earlier. She shares this in an interview, which I find so empowering, when discussing the difficulties of being an artist and being true to herself as a non-binary individual living in Singapore:

"Ugliness can be so beautiful, looking taboo, being unconventional — It’ll discriminate against you in some places, but you’ll find new people."

Everything yeule puts out together (which you can listen to here) evokes a bittersweet comfort out of people, like the calm after a storm, which resonates to many in the youtube comments of her music videos, where the beauty of vulnerability and imperfections are laid bare for you to experience. Such an important artist for this generation, with music so enchanting I actually want it injected directly into my veins.